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starlyte-writes · 9 months

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It’s that time again! Star info dumps about her D&D stuff despite nobody asking for it! This time I’m giving one section from each song on the playlist I made for my main character Nova that I think best shows why I picked that song for her.

Right, LET’S GO!

1) I’m Sorry by Swell:

So, bad first example, there’s only one line in this entire song, but mostly focus on the title and the vibe

2) Cut My Hair by Mounika and Cavetown:

Are you, you tired of me yet?

3) Saw Her Standing by Ballyhoo!

Left me standing here / Eyes welled up with tears / Drowning me alive in all my fears

4) Happy Pills by Weathers

I’m happy all the time / I’m happy all the time / I love my girl but she ain’t worth the price / She ain’t worth the price / No, she ain’t worth the price

5) Saint Bernard by Lincoln

You always said how you love dogs / I don’t know if I count, but I’m trying my best / When I’m howling and barking these songs

6) Stressed Out by Twenty One Pilots

My name’s Blurryface and I care what you think / My name’s Blurryface and I care what you think

7) Don’t You Give Up by Dansu

I don’t need no problems, oh, I just want sunny sky / I cannot live without you by my side / Don’t give up, don’t you give up on me / Don’t give up, don’t you give up on me

8) Your Sister Was Right by Wilbur Soot

Every time that I miss you / I feel the way you hurt / And I don’t deserve you / You deserve the world

9) Saline Solution by Wilbur Soot

If I could just break one more night / Maybe I could wake up and feel alright

10) Since I Saw Vienna by Wilbur Soot

The roads are my home, horizon’s my target / If I keep on moving, never lose sight of it / Treating my memory of you like a fire / Let it burn out, don’t fight it, and try to move on

11) Losing Face by Wilbur Soot

Well, I don’t know what I’m to do / Yes, I don’t know what I’ll fuckin’ do / I’ve lost all meaning / I’ve lost my sense of hope

I don’t care, I want you here / As long as you’re happy, I don’t care

12) I’m Sorry Boris by Wilbur Soot

I can’t believe that I’m leaving / I don’t think I want to leave you / I don’t think I want to leave you here alone

13) Disappear by Candlebard

Carries the world on his back, standing tall / Fearing one day, he’ll drop them all / Oh, he burns from the inside / When he sees himself sink

My memories are melting to foam (Disappear) / Watch me ruin another place I called home (Disappear) / On your face, the light dies (Ah) / As you gaze up in fear / And I watch it all / Disappear

14) Cause for Concern by Lovejoy

You could eat the foam from the headrest (I said there’s no cause for-) / You could knock the wind out of my breath (I said there’s no cause for-) / And you could kick the teeth into my head / Still, there’s no cause for concern

15) People I Don’t Like by UPSAHL

Hello, it’s so good to see you / We met before but nice to meet you / Yeah, I don’t really wanna be here like, ah-ah-ah-ah

16) Smile by Ukuletea

You don’t need to cry / Or show me sympathy / Don’t waste your time on me / I’m used to being alone / So step away from me

17) I DONT TRUST U ANYMORE by Left at London

I remember the days when / Your retched image didn’t make me sick / And I wish it could still be like that / But / I don’t trust you anymore / I don’t trust you anymore / I don’t trust you anymore / I don’t trust you anymore / I don’t trust you anymore / I don’t trust you anymore / You won’t trust us anyway

18) & by Tally Hall

Weak & Strong & / Wet & Dry & / Right & Wrong & / Live & Die & / Sane & Gone & / Love & Not & / All the &s that we forgot

19) Seventeen by Peach Pit

There’s something dark hangin’ over my head / I’m seventeen, don’t hold your breath

20) All Eyes On Me by Bo Burnham

Hey, come on, get your fuckin’ hands up / Get on out of your seats / All eyes on me, all eyes on me, yeah / Heads down, pray for me / Heads down now, pray for me

21) That Funny Feeling by Bo Burnham

Total disassociation, fully out your mind / Googling derealization, hating what you find / That unapparent summer air in early fall / The quiet comprehending of the ending of it all

22) Redesign Your Logo (Bonus Track) by Lemon Demon

Redesign your logo, we know what we’re doing / We are here to help you, everything’s connected / Time is of the essence, we live in the future / Color makes us hungry, everything’s connected

23) Mrs Narcissistic by The Royston Club

Why do I risk it all for you / For you / You talk with such venom in your words / Always fighting to be heard / With blatant disregard for what we fought for

24) overwhelmed by Royal & the Serpent

Feels like I’m somebody else / I get overwhelmed / All of these faces who don’t know what space is / And crowds are shut down, I’m over-stimulated / Nobody gets it, say I’m too sensitive / I can’t listen cause I’m eyeing the exits

25) It’s Raining Somewhere Else by Toby Fox

No lyrics in this song but again the ~vibes~

26) Don’t Forget by Toby Fox

That’s still shining in the cold / With the truth / The promise in our hearts / Don’t forget / I’m with you in the dark

(basically the whole song but these lines especially)

27) Don’t Look Back In Anger - Remastered by Oasis

Where nobody knows / If it’s night or day / But please don’t put your life in the hands / Of a rock and roll band / Who’ll throw it all away

28) You’ll Understand When You’re Older by Lovejoy

If I’m goin’ down you’re coming with me / And you think that it gets better / Just you wait until next week / You’re keeping a dark secret / But you’re talking in your sleep

29) Sweet Hibiscus Tea by Penelope Scott

Here’s the thing, I can’t do anything right / Try as I absolutely, totally might

And I’m not your protagonist / I’m not even my own / I don’t know anything / I don’t even know what I don’t know

30) Karma by AJR

Cause I’ve been so good, I’ve been working my ass off / I’ve been so good, still, I’m lonely and stressed out / I’ve been so good, I’ve been so good this year / And I’ve been so good, but it’s still getting harder / I’ve been so good, where the hell is the karma? / I’ve been so good, I’ve been so good this year

31) Era by Halfy & Winks

An era, life is calling but we stay / An era, time is ticking as it may / An era, oh, I hope and wish and pray / This era will never fade away

32) Camp Adventure by Delta Sleep

How’s one meant to grow / When walls keep caving in / The ceiling above us / Has denied its existence in / Of all the times we tried / I’ve still be up all night / Writing songs of you

33) A Burning Hill by Mitski

I’m tired of wanting more / I think I’m finally worn / For you have a way of promising things / And I’ve been a forest fire / I am a forest fire / And I am the fire and I am the forest / And I am a witness watching it

34) I Can’t Handle Change by R.O.A.R.

I can’t help but repeat myself / I know it’s not your fault / Still lately, I begin to shake / For no reason at all

35) Birds (ft. Terrence Williams Jr.) by Thomas Sanders

I wanna watch from somewhere undisturbing / Quiet, calm, still / Sit right here and gaze at the unknown / I don’t wanna fly in the sky, I just wanna be alone / It’s not a big deal or anything / I just wanna be alone

36) Home (Music Box) by Toby Fox

Again, vibes, but also the title is important

37) Anchor by Mindy Gledhill

There are those who think that I’m strange / They would box me up and tell me to change / But you hold me close and softly say / That you wouldn’t have me any other way

38) On the Borderline by Thomas Sanders

I’m standing on the borderline / What should I bring or leave behind / From who I was / For who I’m gonna be?

39) That Distant Shore (ft. Jennifer Paz) by Steven Universe

I thought I’d stay a while / I tried to learn to smile / So many colors I had never even known / Maybe I’ll find myself sitting on that distant shore / Maybe I’m not alone

40) How Does A Moment Last Forever (Music Box) by Kevin Kline

How does a moment last forever? / How can a story never die? / It is love we must hold onto / Never easy, but we try

41) feelings are fatal by mxmtoon

I’m happy for you, I’m smiling for you / I’d do anything for you, for you / It’s always for you and never for me / And I need it to stop, so let me tell you, please / I’m always sad and I’m always lonely / But I can’t tell you that I’m breaking slowly

42) I’m Just Your Problem (ft. Olivia Olson) by Adventure Time

It’s like I’m not even a person, am I? / I’m just your problem, well / I shouldn’t have to justify what I do / I shouldn’t have to prove anything to you / I’m sorry that I exist / I forget what landed me on your blacklist, but / I shouldn’t have to be the one that makes up with you, so

43) Show & Tell by Melanie Martinez

Why is it so hard to see? (Why?) / If I cut myself, I would bleed (kill me) / I’m just like you, you’re like me / Imperfect and human, are we?

Buy and sell (buy and sell) / Like I’m a product to society / Art don’t sell / Unless you fucked every authority / Show and tell / Why can’t you fucking hear me?

44) Happier Than Ever by Billie Eilish

I don’t relate to you / I don’t relate to you, no / Cause I’d never treat me this shitty / You made me hate this city

45) Lost Cause by Billie Eilish

Something’s in the air right now / Like I’m losing track of time / Like I don’t really care right now, but maybe that’s fine / You weren’t even there that day / I was waitin’ on you

46) xanny by Billie Eilish

What is it about them? / I must be missing something / They just keep doing nothing / Too intoxicated to be scared / Better off without them / They’re nothing but unstable / Bring ashtrays to the table / And that’s about the only thing they share

47) idontwannabeyouanymore by Billie Eilish

Losing feeling is getting old / Was I made from a broken mold? / Hurt, I can’t shake / We’ve made every mistake / Only you know the way that I break

If “I love you” was a promise / Would you break it, if you’re honest? / Tell the mirror what you know she’s heard before / I don’t wanna be you / I don’t wanna be you / I don’t wanna be you / Anymore

48) listen before i go by Billie Eilish

Tell me, love is endless, don’t be so pretentious / Leave me, like you do (like you do) / If you need me / Wanna see me / Better hurry / Cause I’m leaving soon / Sorry, can’t save me now / Sorry, I don’t know how

49) Pluto Projector by Rex Orange County

The great protector / Is that what I’m supposed to be? / What if all this counts for nothin’ / Everything I thought I’d be? / What if by the time I realize / It’s too far behind to see?

50) Stressed Out by Rex Orange County

I let them take control and take me for a fool / It’s such a shame / I never said a word and all time that I waited was a waste / They wanna see me stressed out every day, I know it

51) The Owl House: Lilith’s Fight Song “Black Enchantress” (Fanmade) by Frostfm

This one’s on here cause one of the players in our party asked what our battle theme would be during a fight and this is what I chose for Nova (and happened to find a version of it on Spotify so dope!)

52) Lavender’s Blue by Nursery Rhymes 123

Nova’s father used to always sing this song to her as a child so I put it on the playlist 🥺

53) Feel Better by Penelope Scott

Cause someone loved me, someone fucking loved me / Someone fucking loved me, and I loved them too / Goddamn it, I was worth something, I fuckin’ earned something / I have a right to die, a right to live, a right to choose, too / And God, no!

No one’s ever gonna love me like that again / I don’t wanna get over it / I wanna rip the stars to shreds / I don’t wanna feel better

54) Wait for Me (Reprise) by Hadestown

I’m coming wait for me / I hear the walls repeating / The falling of our feet and / It sounds like drumming / And we are not alone / I hear the rocks and stones / Echoing our song / I’m coming

Fun fact - My DM is the one who suggested this song for Nova

55) It’s Over Isn’t It (ft. Deedee Magno Hall) by Steven Universe

Who am I now in this world without her? / Petty and dull, with the nerve to doubt her / What does it matter? It’s already done / Now I’ve got to be there for her son / It’s over, isn’t it? / Isn’t it? / Isn’t it over?

56) What If Tomorrow Comes by Starkid

Tomorrow will come / Tomorrow won’t come / Will tomorrow come today? / And turn the light off / Do you all see what I see? / What I know / What I see / Do you all see the memories? / Tomorrow reminds me

57) Almost There by Princess and The Frog

And I’m almost there / I’m almost there / People down here think I’m crazy / But I don’t care / Trials and tribulations / I’ve had my share / There ain’t nothing gonna stop me now / Cause I’m almost there

58) Disobedient (ft. Kate Micucci and Michaela Dietz) by Steven Universe

Good afternoon, sir / What can I do, sir? / Just say the word, sir / Anything for you, sir

I’ve been good, sir / So very, very good for what? / And I’ve given you / Every single thing I’ve got / It’s feeling strange, man / This whole arrangement / Is gonna end with me totally deranged / When I think about all the wasted time I’ve spent / I wanna be disobedient

59) I Don’t Want to Set the World on Fire by Kerrin Connolly

I don’t want to set the world on fire / I just want to start / A flame in your heart / In my heart, I have but one desire / And that one is you

60) Flowers by Hadestown

Dreams are sweet until they’re not / Men are kind until they aren’t / Flowers bloom until they rot and fall apart / Is anybody listening? / I open my mouth and nothing comes out / Nothing / Nothing gonna wake me now

Flowers, I remember fields of / Flowers, soft beneath my heels / Walking in the sun / I remember someone

61) I Do Adore by Mindy Gledhill

Finding words, I mutter / Tongue-tied, twisted / Foot in mouth, I start to stutter / Ha, ha, Heaven help me / Hello, how are you, my darling, today? / I fall into a pile on the floor / Puppy love is hard to ignore / When every little thing you do, I do adore

62) Fight for Me by Heathers

So who might you be? / And could you fight for me? / And hey, could you face the crowd? / Could you be seen with me and still act proud?

It’s fine, if you don’t agree / But I would fight for you / If you would fight for me

63) Basics in Behavior - Blue Version by The Living Tombstone and OR3O

And I’m here wonderin’ if one day / We’ll finally be free from this cage / Is it okay to have a feelin’ / That maybe there is more to this game? / However now, no time to question / So just behave

64) It’s Been A Long, Long Time (with Harry James & His Orchestra) by Kitty Kallen and Harry James

You’ll never know how many dreams / I’ve dreamed about you / Or just how empty they all seemed without you

(The main reason this song was added is because another player in my partied played the song as Nova’s love interest died </3)

65) Hug All Ur Friends by Cavetown

You don’t know what it’s like to be nothing at all / When the night turns cold my thoughts feel like stone / And it’s nothing I can’t change / But I can’t breathe anymore / I forgot how to walk by myself

So hug all your friends and let them know / You’re not letting go / No, I won’t let go

66) Everything Stays (feat. Olivia Olson) by Adventure Time

Everything stays, but it still changes / Every so slightly, daily and nightly / In little ways / When everything stays

67) Look Who’s Inside Again by Bo Burnham

I was a kid who was stuck in his room / There isn’t much more to say about it / When you’re a kid and you’re stuck in your room / You’ll do any old shit to get out of it

Well, well / Look who’s inside again / Went out to look for a reason to hide again / Well, well / Buddy, you found it / Now, come out with your hands up / We’ve got you surrounded

68) Goodbye by Bo Burnham

Wanna guess the ending? If it ever does / I swear to God that all I’ve ever wanted was / A little bit of everything, all of the time / A bit of everything, all of the time

69) Top of My School by Katherine Lynn-Rose

But if I hadn’t earned a dollar / What would you think of your dear daughter? / Would it be pity or dishonor / To ensue? / And if I failed to earn blue ribbon / How could I ever be forgiven? / Tell me what love would still be given / From you

70) Girl Anachronism by The Dresden Dolls

There I go again / Pretending that I’ll fall / Don’t call the doctors / Cause they’ve seen it all before / They’ll say just / Let her crash / And burn / She’ll learn / The attention just encourages her

71) How To Let Go by August Greenwood

I fear almost everything / I don’t have the option to break / Cause all of the people I love have their lives at stake / I feel so selfish / I feel so insecure when I’m in pain / Please don’t hold me / I wouldn’t know how to let go

72) The Fall by Lovejoy

And we’re so calm but we’re (fucking scared, fucking scared) / And we’re so calm but we’re fucking scared of people like you

So come on, one and all to see the apathy / The reams of gray stencils that fill the tapestry / I look to all of you and see a different fucking species / Aspiration for a different destination to me

73) Clint Eastwood by Gorillaz

Finally someone let me out of my cage / Now time for me is nothin’, cause I’m countin’ no age / Now I couldn’t be there, now you shouldn’t be scared / I’m good at repairs, and I’m under each snare

(I mostly put this song here because it gave me the vibes of possession like when Orcus possessed Nova (or at least tried to))

74) Call Me What You Like by Lovejoy

You can call me what you like / As long as you call me / And you could kiss the skin from my lips / If it makes you feel good / I’m not sure if you want it / Not sure if you need me too

This just in / I am a total fucking dumbass / And I’ve come to the uncomfortable conclusion / I’ll be spending the rest of my life in a state of constant paranoia / Just let me follow you

I’m not paranoid, I’m a realist / I know you’re gonna kill me!

But you can’t stay awake forever / No you can’t stay awake forever

(basically this entire song is perfect LMAO)

75) Seventeen by Heathers

Let us be seventeen / If we still got the right / So what’s it gonna be? / I wanna be with you / I wanna be with you / Wanna be with you / Tonight / Yeah we’re damaged / Badly damaged / But your love’s too good to lose / Hold me tighter / Even closer / I’ll stay if I’m what you choose / Can’t we be seventeen? / If I am what you choose / If we’ve still got the right / Cause you’re the one I choose / You’re the one I choose / You’re the one I choose

76) Oblivion by Halfy & Winks

Would I be descending through the darkness / Through the fire and the rain and the mist? / Would the air fail to catch me as I failed to catch you? / Would we have fallen? / Fallen / Into oblivion?

77) Rhinestone Eyes by Gorillaz

A clear target in the summer when skies are blue / It’s part of the noise when winter comes / It reverberates in my lungs / Nature’s corrupted in factories far away / Here we go again

78) The Perfect Pair - Spotify Singles covered by Lovejoy (song by beabadoobee)

If I told you, you know how to / Go and break my heart in two

There’s worse things I can take / I know you hate it / When there’s nothing to say / I’m not sure we’d fix it / Guess we’re so used to it

79) Something Real by Schmigadoon!

I can’t tell you what you’re feeling / I can’t tell just what you feel / But touch my hand and I am reeling / Feels like this is something real

80) Scum by Lovejoy

I feel I’ve reached the end before I’ve reached death (oh-woo) / Pick up the pieces of me, you can have what’s left

81) Warsaw by Lovejoy

It’s good for me, I’m sure, I’m sure it’s good for me / I thought / I’d do anything you ask of me, that’s sure / What for?

It doesn’t get any better / You can try and try / But you’re just a cog in the machine / Apathy comforts me like a cell comforts an inmate / It won’t get better, I assure you / Make no mistake, we’re all going to end up in the dirt / I’ll be seeing you soon

She hopes to God that I just choke / She hopes to God that I just choke / She hopes to God that I just choke / And it gets a little easier

82) Consequences by Lovejoy

Do you ever feel like you fell off for about a year / I’d like to have another go / Cause I haven’t slept in about a week / I stay up thinking I will die

I wish I tried more, wish I tried more / Wish I tried / What’s this? / The consequences of my actions, now

(Lovejoy you understand Nova on a scary perfect level)

83) Alone by Nicholas Hamilton

Alone is not what it once was / Oh, remember when it was nice / Alone is just trying to survive / When the only one to talk to is your mind / Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh / But I’m getting pretty sick of my mind

84) The Hero by Nathan Hanover Synthonic Orchestra (GenLoss Soundtrack)

There’s no lyrics but this theme just fits Nova so well especially with the implications of “The Hero” and how that effected gl!Ranboo just trust me on this one

85) Disco! in the Panic Room by Bug Hunter

I am more the quiet type / I tend to be a shier guy / As safe as knee and elbow pads in cul de sacs with traffic lights / I spend most of my time alone / It’s not all that bad you know / I lost some weight from anxious pacing talking on the telephone

If I look brave I’m secretly / Pretending I’m a different me / The one on stage who plays and / Sings and claps and shouts and basically / Behind the door / Just out of view / Dancing in the panic room

86) Promise by Laufey

Honestly, I didn’t think about / How we didn’t say goodbye / Just see you very soon / It hurts to be something / It’s worse to be nothing with you

I’ve done the math / There’s no solution / We’ll never last / Why can’t I let go of this?

That’s the whole playlist! I started this post a year ago but never finished it and last night was the last session of our main campaign (at least until we can hopefully pick things up next summer) so I figured it’d be a good time to post it. I love my baby and honestly I’m pretty proud of this playlist, so here you go internet :D

#dnd #dungeons and dragons #nova eledor #character playlist #star's analysis #i just randomly remembered this was saved in my drafts earlier today #so i went 'welp might as well'#it's so hard just picking one section of a song #because so many of these songs the whole piece will fit nova so well #my sweet baby <3 <3

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kookie-doughs · 3 years

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Y/N L/N AND THE HALFBLOODS

Percy Jackson X Reader

-Y/N L/N met Percy Jackson and everything was now ruined.

CHAPTER 18: High-Key Want A Three-Headed Dog

We stood in the shadows of Valencia Boulevard, looking up at gold letters etched in black marble: DOA RECORDING STUDIOS.

Underneath, stenciled on the glass doors: NO SOLICITORS. NO LOITERING. NO LIVING.

It was almost midnight, but the lobby was brightly lit and full of people. Behind the security desk sat a tough-looking guard with sunglasses and an earpiece.

I turned to my friends. "Okay. You remember the plan."

"The plan," Grover gulped. "Yeah. I love the plan."

Annabeth said, "What happens if the plan doesn't work?"

"Don't think negative." Percy said.

"Right," she said. "We're entering the Land of the Dead, and I shouldn't think negative."

Percy took the pearls out of his pocket, the three milky spheres the Nereid had given us in Santa Monica. They didn't seem like much of a backup in case something went wrong. I had mine mixed up in there in case mine was rigged, Percy insisted upon it.

Annabeth put her hand on Percy's shoulder. "I'm sorry, Percy. You're right, we'll make it. It'll be fine."

She gave Grover a nudge.

"Oh, right!" he chimed in. "We got this far. We'll find the master bolt and save your mom. No problem."

"Don't worry Percy. We'll do this."

He looked at us, and smiled.

He slipped the pearls back in his pocket. "Let's whup some Underworld butt."

We walked inside the DOA lobby.

Muzak played softly on hidden speakers. The carpet and walls were steel gray. Pencil cactuses grew in the corners like skeleton hands. The furniture was black leather, and every seat was taken. There were people sitting on couches, people standing up, people staring out the windows or waiting for the elevator. Nobody moved, or talked, or did much of anything. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see them all just fine, but if I focused on any one of them in particular, they started looking... transparent. I could see right through their bodies.

The security guard's desk was a raised podium, so we had to look up at him.

He was tall and elegant, with chocolate-colored skin and bleached-blond hair shaved military style. He wore tortoiseshell shades and a silk Italian suit that matched his hair. A black rose was pinned to his lapel under a silver name tag.

Percy read the name tag, then looked at him in bewilderment. "Your name is Chiron?"

He leaned across the desk. I couldn't see anything in his glasses except my own reflection, but his smile was sweet and cold, like a pythons, right before it eats you.

"What a precious young lad." He had a strange accent—British, maybe, but also as if he had learned English as a second language. "Tell me, mate, do I look like a centaur?"

"N-no."

"Sir," he added smoothly.

"Sir," Percy said.

He pinched the name tag and ran his finger under the letters. "Can you read this, mate? It says C-H-A-R-O-N. Say it with me: CARE-ON."

"Charon."

"Amazing! Now: Mr. Charon."

"Mr. Charon," I said.

"Well done." He sat back. "I hate being confused with that old horse-man. And now, how may I help you little dead ones?"

Percy looked at me for support.

"We want to go the Underworld," I said.

Charon's mouth twitched. "Well, that's refreshing."

"It is?" I asked.

"Straightforward and honest. No screaming. No 'There must be a mistake, Mr. Charon.'" He looked us over. "How did you die, then?"

I nudged Grover.

"Oh," he said. "Um... drowned... in the bathtub."

"All four of you?" Charon asked. We nodded. I could see Annabeth wanted to face palm.

"Big bathtub." Charon looked mildly impressed. "I don't suppose you have coins for passage. Normally, with adults, you see, I could charge your American Express, or add the ferry price to your last cable bill. But with children... alas, you never die prepared. Suppose you'll have to take a seat for a few centuries."

"Oh, but we have coins." Annabeth set three golden drachmas on the counter, part of the stash we'd found in Crusty's office desk.

"Well, now..." Charon moistened his lips. "Real drachmas. Real golden drachmas. I haven't seen these in..."

His fingers hovered greedily over the coins.

We were so close.

Then Charon looked at Percy. That cold stare behind his glasses seemed to bore a hole through his chest. "Here now," he said. "You couldn't read my name correctly. Are you dyslexic, lad?"

"No," Percy said. "I'm dead."

Charon leaned forward and took a sniff. "You're not dead. I should've known. You're a godling."

"We have to get to the Underworld," Annabeth insisted.

Charon made a growling sound deep in his throat.

Immediately, all the people in the waiting room got up and started pacing, agitated, lighting cigarettes, running hands through their hair, or checking their wristwatches.

"Leave while you can," Charon told us. "I'll just take these and forget I saw you."

He started to go for the coins, but I snatched them back.

"No service, no tip." I said staring at him.

Charon growled again—a deep, blood-chilling sound. The spirits of the dead started pounding on the elevator doors.

"It's a shame, too," I sighed. "We had more to offer."

I held up the entire bag from Crusty's stash. I took out a fistful of drachmas and let the coins spill through my fingers.

Charon's growl changed into something more like a lion's purr. "Do you think I can be bought, godling? Eh... just out of curiosity, how much have you got there?"

"A lot," I said. "I bet Hades doesn't pay you well enough for such hard work."

"Oh, you don't know the half of it. How would you like to babysit these spirits all day? Always 'Please don't let me be dead' or 'Please let me across for free.' I haven't had a pay raise in three thousand years. Do you imagine suits like this come cheap?"

"You deserve better," I agreed. "A little appreciation. Respect. Good pay."

With each word, I stacked another gold coin on the counter.

Charon glanced down at his silk Italian jacket, as if imagining himself in something even better. "I must say, lad, you're making some sense now. Just a little."

I stacked another few coins. "I could mention a pay raise while I'm talking to Hades."

He sighed. "The boat's almost full, anyway. I might as well add you three and be off."

He stood, scooped up our money, and said, "Come along."

We pushed through the crowd of waiting spirits, who started grabbing at our clothes like the wind, their voices whispering things I couldn't make out. Charon shoved them out of the way, grumbling, "Freeloaders."

He escorted us into the elevator, which was already crowded with souls of the dead, each one holding a green boarding pass. Charon grabbed two spirits who were trying to get on with us and pushed them back into the lobby.

"Right. Now, no one get any ideas while I'm gone," he announced to the waiting room. "And if anyone moves the dial off my easy-listening station again, I'll make sure you're here for another thousand years. Understand?"

He shut the doors. He put a key card into a slot in the elevator panel and we started to descend.

"What happens to the spirits waiting in the lobby?" Annabeth asked.

"Nothing," Charon said.

"For how long?"

"Forever, or until I'm feeling generous."

"Oh," she said. "That's... fair."

Charon raised an eyebrow. "Whoever said death was fair, young miss? Wait until it's your turn. You'll die soon enough, where you're going."

"We'll get out alive," Percy said.

"Ha."

I could feel we weren't going down anymore, but forward. The air turned misty. Spirits around me started changing shape. Their modern clothes flickered, turning into gray hooded robes. The floor of the elevator began swaying.

Charon's creamy Italian suit had been replaced by a long black robe. His tortoiseshell glasses were gone. Where his eyes should've been were empty sockets—like Ares's eyes, except Charon's were totally dark, full of night and death and despair.

He saw me looking, and said, "Well?"

"Nothing," I said. "I never knew you could look cool dead."

I thought he was grinning, but that wasn't it. The flesh of his face was becoming transparent, letting me see straight through to his skull.

The floor kept swaying.

Grover said, "I think I'm getting seasick."

When I blinked again, the elevator wasn't an elevator anymore. We were standing in a wooden barge. Charon was poling us across a dark, oily river, swirling with bones, dead fish, and other, stranger things—plastic dolls, crushed carnations, soggy diplomas with gilt edges.

"The River Styx," Annabeth murmured. "It's so..."

"Polluted," Charon said. "For thousands of years, you humans have been throwing in everything as you come across—hopes, dreams, wishes that never came true. Irresponsible waste management, if you ask me."

Mist curled off the filthy water. Above us, almost lost in the gloom, was a ceiling of stalactites. Ahead, the far shore glimmered with greenish light, the color of poison.

Panic closed up my throat. What was I doing here? These people around me... they were dead.

Percy grabbed hold of my hand. Annabeth took my other free one. I knew she wanted reassurance that somebody else was alive on this boat.

I could hear Percy muttering a prayer, though I wasn't quite sure who I was praying to. Down here, only one god mattered, and he was the one we had come to confront.

The shoreline of the Underworld came into view. Craggy rocks and black volcanic sand stretched inland about a hundred yards to the base of a high stone wall, which marched off in either direction as far as we could see. A sound came from somewhere nearby in the green gloom, echoing off the stones—the howl of a large animal.

"Old Three-Face is hungry," Charon said. His smile turned skeletal in the greenish light. "Bad luck for you, godlings."

The bottom of our boat slid onto the black sand. The dead began to disembark. A woman holding a little girl's hand. An old man and an old woman hobbling along arm in arm. A boy no older than I was, shuffling silently along in his gray robe.

Charon said, "I'd wish you luck, mate, but there isn't any down here. Mind you, don't forget to mention my pay raise."

He counted our golden coins into his pouch, then took up his pole. He warbled something that sounded like a Barry Manilow song as he ferried the empty barge back across the river.

We followed the spirits up a well-worn path.

I'm not sure what I was expecting—Pearly Gates, or a big black portcullis, or something. But the entrance to the Underworld looked like a cross between airport security and the Jersey Turnpike.

There were three separate entrances under one huge black archway that said YOU ARE NOW ENTERING EREBUS. Each entrance had a pass-through metal detector with security cameras mounted on top. Beyond this were tollbooths manned by black-robed ghouls like Charon.

The howling of the hungry animal was really loud now, but I couldn't see where it was coming from. The three-headed dog, Cerberus, who was supposed to guard Hades's door, was nowhere to be seen.

The dead queued up in the three lines, two marked ATTENDANT ON DUTY, and one marked EZ DEATH. The EZ DEATH line was moving right along. The other two were crawling.

"What do you figure?" Percy asked Annabeth.

"The fast line must go straight to the Asphodel Fields," she said. "No contest. They don't want to risk judgment from the court, because it might go against them."

"There's a court for dead people?"

"Yeah. Three judges. They switch around who sits on the bench. King Minos, Thomas Jefferson, Shakespeare—people like that. Sometimes they look at a life and decide that person needs a special reward—the Fields of Elysium. Sometimes they decide on punishment. But most people, well, they just lived. Nothing special, good or bad. So they go to the Asphodel Fields."

"And do what?"

Grover said, "Imagine standing in a wheat field in Kansas. Forever."

"Harsh," Percy said.

"Not as harsh as that," Grover muttered. "Look."

A couple of black-robbed ghouls had pulled aside one spirit and were frisking him at the security desk. The face of the dead man looked vaguely familiar.

"He's that preacher who made the news, remember?" Grover asked.

"Oh, yeah." Percy said. "We'd seen him on TV a couple of times at the Yancy Academy dorm. He was this annoying televangelist from upstate New York who'd raised millions of dollars for orphanages and then got caught spending the money on stuff for his mansion, like gold-plated toilet seats, and an indoor putt-putt golf course. He'd died in a police chase when his "Lamborghini for the Lord" went off a cliff."

"Humans." I said rolling my eyes, "What're they doing to him?"

"Special punishment from Hades," Grover guessed. "The really bad people get his personal attention as soon as they arrive. The Fur—the Kindly Ones will set up an eternal torture for him."

The thought of the Furies made me shudder. I realized I was in their home territory now. Old Mrs. Dodds and Mrs . Rudolph would be licking her lips with anticipation.

"But if he's a preacher," Percy said, "and he believes in a different hell... ."

Grover shrugged. "Who says he's seeing this place the way we're seeing it? Humans see what they want to see. You're very stubborn—er, persistent, that way."

We got closer to the gates. The howling was so loud now it shook the ground at my feet, about fifty feet in front of us, standing just where the path split into three lanes was an enormous shadowy monster.

My jaw hung open. All I could think to say was, "He's a Rottweiler."

I'd always imagined Cerberus as a big black mastiff. But he was obviously a purebred Rottweiler, except of course that he was twice the size of a woolly mammoth, and had three heads.

"I thought he would've been a mastiff."

"Same..."

The dead walked right up to him—no fear at all. The ATTENDANT ON DUTY lines parted on either side of him. The EZ DEATH spirits walked right between his front paws and under his belly, which they could do without even crouching.

"I'm starting to see him better," Percy muttered. "Why is that?"

"I think ..." Annabeth moistened her lips. "I'm afraid it's because we're getting closer to being dead."

The dog's middle head craned toward us. It sniffed the air and growled.

"It can smell the living," I said.

"But that's okay," Grover said, trembling next to Percy. "Because we have a plan."

"Right," Annabeth said. I'd never heard her voice sound quite so small. "A plan."

We moved toward the monster.

The middle head snarled at us, then barked so loud my eyeballs rattled.

"Can you understand it?" I asked Grover.

"Oh yeah," he said. "I can understand it."

"What's it saying?"

"I don't think humans have a four-letter word that translates, exactly."

Percy took the big stick out of his backpack—a bedpost we'd broken off Crusty's Safari Deluxe floor model. He held it up, and tried to channel happy dog thoughts toward Cerberus—Alpo commercials, cute little puppies, fire hydrants.

"Hey, Big Fella," He called up. "I bet they don't play with you much."

"GROWWWLLLL!"

"Good boy," he said weakly.

Percy waved the stick. The dog's middle head followed the movement. The other two heads trained their eyes on Percy, completely ignoring the spirits. Percy had Cerberus's undivided attention. I wasn't sure that was a good thing.

"Fetch!" I threw the stick into the gloom, a good solid throw. I heard it go ker-sploosh in the River Styx.

Cerberus glared at me, unimpressed. His eyes were baleful and cold.

So much for the plan.

Cerberus was now making a new kind of growl, deeper down in his three throats.

"Um," Grover said. "Percy?"

"Yeah?"

"I just thought you'd want to know."

"Yeah?"

"Cerberus? He's saying we've got ten seconds to pray to the god of our choice. After that... well... he's hungry."

"Wait!" Annabeth said. She started rifling through her pack.

"Five seconds," Grover said. "Do we run now?"

Annabeth produced a red rubber ball the size of a grapefruit. It was labeled WATERLAND, DENVER, CO. Before I could stop her, she raised the ball and marched straight up to Cerberus.

She shouted, "See the ball? You want the ball, Cerberus? Sit!"

Cerberus looked as stunned as we were.

All three of his heads cocked sideways. Six nostrils dilated.

"Sit!" Annabeth called again.

I don't know why but petting this gigantic three headed dog would have made my bucket list complete. I walked up to Annabeth with Percy and Grover panicking behind.

"I want to pet him. Cerberus sit!"

"Sit!" Annabeth yelled.

Cerberus licked his three sets of lips, shifted on his haunches, and sat, immediately crushing a dozen spirits who'd been passing underneath him in the EZ DEATH line. The spirits made muffled hisses as they dissipated, like the air let out of tires.

I said, "Good boy!"

Annabeth threw Cerberus the ball.

He caught it in his middle mouth. It was barely big enough for him to chew, and the other heads started snapping at the middle, trying to get the new toy.

"Drop it.'" I ordered.

Cerberus's heads stopped fighting and looked at me. The ball was wedged between two of his teeth like a tiny piece of gum. He made a loud, scary whimper, then dropped the ball, now slimy and bitten nearly in half, at Annabeth's feet.

"Good boy." She picked up the ball, ignoring the monster spit all over it.

She turned toward the two. "Go now. EZ DEATH line—it's faster."

Percy said, "But—"

"Now.'" She ordered, in the same tone she was using on the dog.

"You should go too. I wouldn't mind."

"How are you sure he'll follow you?" Annabeth laughed.

"I had a dog you know. Real sweetheart. Pretty sure he'll be as cute."

Grover and Percy inched forward warily.

Cerberus started to growl.

"Stay!" Annabeth ordered the monster. "If you want the ball, stay!"

Cerberus whimpered, but he stayed where he was.

"What about you guys?" Percy asked us as we passed her.

Annabeth looked at me and nodded. "Y/N wants to pet him," she muttered. "I think she can handle him."

Grover, Annabeth and Percy walked between the Cerberus's legs.

I was tempted to make Cerberus sit to be honest.

When made it through. I said, "Good dog!"

I held up the tattered red ball. The ball was tattered and this is going to be the last trick.

"Cerberus, could you get closer to me?" I called hesitantly. All three heads leaned down.

Oh gods... Oh gods... I'm going to pet him... I reluctantly touched his head. His head leaned to my touch. "Good boy." I cooed petting each his head. He whimpered on my touch. "Okay boy." I leaned my head against his middle one.

I threw the ball. The good boy's left mouth immediately snatched it up, only to be attacked by the middle head, while the right head moaned in protest.

While the monster was distracted, I walked under its belly and joined us at the metal detector.

"Bucket list solved." Annabeth and I fist bumped.

"How did you do that?" Percy looked at Annabeth and I, amazed.

"Obedience school," Annabeth said breathlessly, "When I was little, at my dad's house, we had a Doberman... ."

"I had D/N you knew that." I was surprised to see there were tears in her eyes. "I promise I'll play again!"

"Never mind that," Grover said, tugging at Percy's shirt. "Come on!"

We were about to bolt through the EZ DEATH line when Cerberus moaned pitifully from all three mouths. Annabeth and I stopped.

We turned to face the cutie which had done a one-eighty to look at us.

Cerberus panted expectantly, the tiny red ball in pieces in a puddle of drool at its feet.

"Good boy," Annabeth said, but her voice sounded melancholy and uncertain.

The monster's heads turned sideways, as if worried.

"I'll bring you another ball soon," Annabeth promised faintly. "Would you like that?"

The monster whimpered. I didn't need to speak dog to know Cerberus was still waiting for the ball.

"Good dog. I'll come visit you soon. I promise we'll come back." I turned to the others. "Let's go."

Grover and Percy pushed through the metal detector, which immediately screamed and set off flashing red lights. "Unauthorized possessions! Magic detected!"

Cerberus started to bark.

We burst through the EZ DEATH gate, which started even more alarms blaring, and raced into the Underworld.

A few minutes later, we were hiding, out of breath, in the rotten trunk of an immense black tree as security ghouls scuttled past, yelling for backup from the Furies.

Grover murmured, "Well, Percy, what have we learned today?"

"That three-headed dogs prefer red rubber balls over sticks?"

"No," Grover told me. "We've learned that your plans really, really bite!"

I wasn't sure about that. I thought maybe Annabeth and I had both had the right idea. Even here in the Underworld, everybody—even monsters—needed a little attention once in a while.

I thought about that as we waited for the ghouls to pass. I pulled Annabeth closer as she wipe a tear from her cheek as we listened to the mournful keening of Cerberus in the distance,.

"We'll come back..."

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collecting-stories · 4 years

Text

A Year Later - ep. 07 - JJ Maybank

A/N: I wanted to do an epilogue of sorts for The S’week and @d-reamingoutloud suggested looking into their lives a year after the story so that’s what I decided to do. Basically this is kind of where the reader’s relationship with them all is at.

The S’week Masterlist | Outer Banks Masterlist

✰ ✰ ✰ ✰

John B. Routledge - 

John B’s Hand slipped out of yours, both of you forming a fist to side bump in a variation of the secret pogue handshake that you’d somehow come to adopt as your own in the last year. You were standing on the edge of the jetty, cooler in your other hand. 

“You ready to go?” John B asked, taking the cooler from you and setting it down below the seat before he held his hand out for you to climb aboard. It was early enough in the morning that it was still dark outside but the light on the boat cast a glow across the marsh, a rather calming effect on you as you prepared to spend the morning fishing with John B. An odd sort of tradition that had come about last year and had just stuck. A time and place that neither of you had to worry about other obligations or other people’s opinions of your friendship.

“Yeah. New boat?” You asked, taking a look at the boat as you stepped on. John B stepped back to give you some room, nodding his head. 

“Got it last month, finally saved enough between rent and bills.” He replied, “being an adult sucks.”

“I hardly think 19 qualifies as being an adult.” You laughed, taking a seat as he pulled away from the jetty. It was still cold out for now, one of JJ’s hoodies keeping you warm as the light rush of air chilled your bare legs.

“It does when I’ve got bills to fucking pay.” John B replied.

“Touché.” You glanced back at him, “I thought you were doing the Winnebago thing with Kie? Surfing all the coasts or something?” 

Kiara was leaving at the end of the week to spend the summer in a Winnebago with a few friends from college. The last you had heard about the trip John B was tagging along too, eager, apparently, to get out of the obx. But here he was, spending his money on a new boat and seemingly unprepared to leave the island.

“Nah, I thought about it but...I don’t know. She’s talking about it being a fresh start and how I’m in a slump but I know if I go with her-”

You nodded, “not exactly a fresh start if you’re just tagging along with Kie wherever she goes.”

You loved Kiara but you knew that she had a constant want to fix her friends problems, always the mom of the group in a way it killed her that things had never gone back to normal after the s’week debacle. The Week that Must Not Be Named, according to JJ.

“Yeah, and listening to her try and fix things between everyone. I love her to death but the ‘we should put aside our differences’ spiel has yet to work on any of us.” John B replied, “except maybe you and Sarah.” 

“Me and Sarah are in it for life, she’s my like platonic soulmate best friend. I’d have to cut a part of myself out to not be friends with her anymore.” You admitted. Sarah could stab you in the back, and figuratively she had, and you would still be rooting for her in the end. You loved JJ and you cared about John B but Sarah was your ride or die.

“That’s really touching.”

“Oh shut up,” You laughed, tossing a flip-flop at him. “I love you too John B.”

“Yeah, yeah. Anyway, I was gonna say, I’ll take you up on your offer...if it still stands?” 

You’d came home almost every weekend because of your schedule but it was during spring break, on a day when JJ had work and you had gone over to the Chateau to hang out with John B, that you had mentioned your family’s vacation home in Hawaii. You usually went around Christmas and had that year, taking JJ with you for his first plane ride ever (which had been hilarious in itself). John B had mentioned wanting to get away from the obx and you suggested your family’s vacation home, free to him if he wanted to move out there for a little while.

“Yeah of course, whatever you need.” 

“A serious change of scenery.” John B replied. The Outer Banks had always been his home but it was feeling more and more like a prison the longer he stayed there. Especially when he felt like he was running into JJ everywhere he went.

“I’m guessing, if you’re aversion to Kie is that strong, you and JJ still aren’t talking?” You asked. It was an unspoken agreement between you and JJ that you never talked about his former best friend.

“I got nothing to say to him.” He shrugged, “I’ve tried, I swear...it’s just, every time I see him I think about it and I feel like I wanna drown him in the ocean.” 

“I guess you won’t be coming to the boneyard on Friday then?” 

“Nah. I’ve got you and Kie and I don’t really wanna see anyone else. I’ve tried hanging out with other people we just don’t vibe ya know? I miss feeling like I had that group...I’m not gonna have that feeling here anymore.”

“Hey I get that. When Rafe and I broke up I lost a lot of friends I thought I had.” You replied, “people can’t help feeling loyal to certain people.” 

“Maybe.” John B shrugged; it didn’t matter. Or he was trying to accept that he couldn’t change it. “But you’re here on the boat with me and we get along fine. You don’t try and bullshit me about JJ or tell me we should all be best friends again.” 

“It’s not my place. Besides, JJ and I have come to the agreement that we don’t talk about it.” You replied. It kept you both happy.

“Well it’s shit when you and Kie are in school cause then it’s just me and JJ on the cut.” John B admitted. He hadn’t complained too much about it during the school year but you knew that was just for your benefit. “What about you? I know you guys are cool but how is rooming with Sarah?”

“It’s good, feels like old times again ya know...JJ doesn’t come around, but...it what it is.” You shrugged.

✰ ✰

Sarah Cameron -

“I’m going to fail all my classes.” Sarah groaned, resting her chin on her forearms. She’d pushed her books away from her, forcing you to pick up your coffee when her textbooks threatened to knock it over.

Finals were in a week and both of you had been studying like crazy, meeting up in the dorm or in the library for cram sessions between classes. Sarah was already planning on going to Nassau the first week of summer vacation with Topper and some college friends. Even if nobody actually knew what happened last summer it still felt different being in the Outer Banks now.

“You are not, you’re literally one of the smartest people I know.” You replied, attempting to be encouraging as you texted Kiara about Pope’s birthday party coming up. Your books mirrored Sarah’s but you were taking a supposed break from studying for the five minutes your timer allotted.

“But not the smartest?” She asked, lifting her head and narrowing her eyes at you. She grabbed her own cup of coffee off the table and took a sip as she looked over the books again. Nothing had changed.

“I mean, I know Topper so...”

“Oh my god, shut up, I just fucking spit out my coffee.” Sarah laughed, covering her mouth with her hand and reached for a napkin. “For real though, why couldn’t my dad have pulled a Lori Laughlin and like, paid off my college?”

You slipped your phone back on the table face down, clicking the side when it rang and pulling one of your books closer to distract you from it. “Because then he would’ve gotten caught and you would’ve been kicked out and probably blacklisted and everyone would be like ‘that girl is so dumb her dad paid off the college to pass her.’ And you’d have to move in with me and work retail.” 

“Stop it. What a fucking nightmare.” 

“The living with me or the working retail?” You asked, laughing at the annoyed face she made.

“I’m gonna hire a new best friend who’s just like ‘yeah Sarah you’re so smart’, ‘your dad should pay for you to ace tests, you don’t need college’ and whatever other shit I pay them for.” She replied.

“You could pay me, I’ll be your yes man.” You offered, silencing your phone when it rang again.

“Who’s calling you?” Sarah asked, her attention drawn away from studying and Lori Laughlin to the phone that rang for a third time.

“What?” You looked up, “no one.” You’d told JJ that you would call him when you were finished studying and that you were busy but that didn’t stop the incessant calling once he decided he felt like talking to you. Normally you wouldn’t care but you did your best to separate JJ from your life at school because Sarah was here and you didn’t feel like it was fair to flaunt that in front of her, even if it was accidental.

“Seriously, I can see you clicking off your phone every couple minutes.” She replied, “Is it JJ?”

“Uh-” You bit your lip as you looked over at the offending electronic. It was no use pretending like he wasn’t the person on the other end of the call. You’d gone two semesters and a spring break without incident, surely, she wouldn’t care if you took one phone call. But you still felt guilty, you weren’t sure if that would ever go away. “It’s no big deal, I can talk to him later.”

“I’m fine!” Sarah insisted, “seriously I’ve got like a real date on Friday.” 

“I just wanna call him back real quick.” You replied, “I think it’s about going home for the weekend.”

“For Pope’s birthday?”

“Yeah.” You’d been staying on campus with finals so close but it you knew Pope was going to be home for the weekend for his birthday and Kiara would be there and you didn’t want to miss spending time with them. Especially since you wouldn’t see them again until hell week was over and you were moving out of your dorm.

“Kie mentioned it to me last week.” Sarah explained, “Are you guys doing anything special?”

“As far as I know it’s just the four of us.” You replied. John B hadn’t been hanging around either of his former friends. He still saw Kiara when she was home and you whenever you came home for the weekend, but that was sans JJ or Pope. If either of them was around than John B kept his distance.

“Go, go. Seriously, I’m fine.” 

You pushed your chair back as your phone rang one more time, finally answering it. “Okay. I’ll be right back.”

✰ ✰

JJ Maybank -

“I’ve been thinking,” JJ started to say, sitting on a chair in The Wreck with you on his lap. Before he could continue you raised an eyebrow at him, running your fingers through his hair to get him to look up at you.

“That’s never good.”

JJ stuck his tongue out but kept talking, undeterred by your comment, “...you should drop out.” He announced.

You laughed, knowing that JJ wasn’t serious at all. He’d been making the same suggestion to you since September. “No way in hell! Why would I do that?”

“So I don’t have to go weeks without seeing you.” He shrugged, fingers slipping beneath your shirt as he laid a kiss against your neck.

“A more tempting offer than I expected...what’ll we do on all these weeks spent actually seeing each other?” You asked, smiling. You couldn’t help but play along whenever he asked you to leave school. It was all just for fun, if anything JJ had the most supportive person you had in your life during school.

“I can think of a few things.” JJ replied, squeezing your side and brushing his nose against your collar and neck.

“Oh god.” You laughed, “stop we’re in public. There are families with children here.”

“How do you think they got the kids?” He shrugged.

“You’re a terrible person.” You replied, “come on, Kie and Pope will be here soon.” 

“You’ve been home for like an hour and you’re already dying to see our friends instead of me.” JJ whined.

“An hour? Babe, I got in this morning...we spent the whole morning ‘unpacking’ in my room.” You pointed out. You’d taken the earliest ferry over that you could and met JJ on the docks. It didn’t matter that you’d just seen him two weeks ago or that you facetimed him every night, seeing him in person gave you the best feeling in the world. It was undeniable.

“Okay, I know I did not come all the way here just to watch you guys mack on each other.” Kiara announced as she came over to the table.

“Came all the way over? You fucking work here Kie.” JJ replied, rolling his eyes as you got up to give her a hug. He frowned at the loss of attention, even if he did know that going out with everyone meant not getting you all to himself.

“I had to go pick up Pope and then drive back.” Kiara said, as if that was a viable excuse.

“I’m like five minutes away...walking.” Pope pointed out, giving you a hug before grabbing a seat next to JJ.

“No, move.”

“I’m not moving!” Pope exclaimed, “dude, don’t push my chair.”

“He’s being a brat cause I’m apparently more excited to see you guys than I was to see him.” You replied, laughing as Pope smacked JJ’s hands away from his chair. You sat across from your boyfriend, sticking your tongue out at him.

“You are.”

“I am not!”

“She is.” Kiara said, grinning at you, “it’s okay I know you only date JJ so you can hang out with us.”

“Hey!”

“I know, what am I gonna do while you’re away?”

“It’s okay,” Pope said, reaching across the table and putting his hand over yours, “I’ll still be here.”

“Thank god.”

“Okay, seriously, the three of you are the worst.” Despite his words when you looked over at JJ he was smiling, eyes brighter than they’d been when you met him almost a year ago. Things weren’t perfect but they were good.

Taglist: @maplelattes22 @poguesrforlife @freckled-and-daydreaming @chasefreakinstokes @millie-753 @fangirlwithme @alex12948 @katherine097 @tangledinsparkles @carbonated-beverage @mariofgreengables @damonsalvawhore27 @dopedoodes @dolanfivsosxox @belledutchess @poguelifeeee @faded-blue @parkerpetertingle @thebookwormlife @summer-clouds-and-long-days @jellyfishbeansontoast @minigranger @hoewkeye @love-someone-special @tiredfeels @strangerthanfanfiction713 @the-only-nana @tomzfrog @mozz-are-lla@poguestyleskye @ssprayberrythings @jenahbell @beautyandthebleh @gothackedalready @teenwaywardasgardian @sarahcxmeron @haha-fuck-you-thot @stillbelieve398-5 @rewindlr @queenniccimicci @kissessforharryyy @thedarkqueenofavalon @alytavzla @bqmblebee@linniep @nerdypartytrashpsychic @xxchxrryxx @spencer-reid-is-a-cutie @mirjanak @danielladreaming @obx-saltlife @youngestxhearts @spnobsessedmemes @wowitswondergurl @celestialmaybank @mybnkjj @pineappleandcherries @mysterious-adventurer @justawilddreamerchild @rhyetaylor62 @calm-rejects @balletandyuzu @oh-annaa@aiifandomsunite @x-lulu @ceruleanjj @wicked-laugh @obxwriterfan @allie-mcginn@pcterparxer @literarycharleton @khiaraaa-in-spacee @crushe-s @teamnick @daydreamlilys @collectiveuniverses @activist-af @mdgrdians @buckys-sunflower @vindictive-hearts@copper-boom @talksoprettyjjx @5am-cigarette @smiithys @jolomez @timotaychalabae @pixelated-pogues @booksandshish @ponyboys-sunsets @prettyyboyspence @obxlife @downbytheouterbanks @pancakefancake @danicarosaline @sspidermanss @k-k0129 @apoguecalledjj @annedub @mendesmaybank @httpstarkey

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yootaesowlwrites · 3 years

Text

Prompts list - [1]

Prompts are below the cut from what you can choose from for when my requests are open.

Please make sure to add ‘A’ along with the number of your choice when requesting.

More prompts

[ one - two - three ]

Credit to the people that created these prompts, I found them on pinterest and on tumblr.

A1— “I want people to tremble when they see me.” “And I want some coffee sweetheart, and let me tell you, only one of these wishes is gonna be coming true.”

A2— “I’m not as damaged as I seem, I swear.”

A3— “Hey, hey, calm down, they can’t hurt you anymore.”

A4— “I trust you.”

A5— “Well this has gone horribly wrong.”

A6— “Stop calling me Princess!” “I apologize, my Queen.”

A7— “What do you think you’re doing?”

A8— “You have to get out of bed you know.”

A9— “You know what? Fuck you.”

A10— “Sometimes I wonder how I fell in love with you.”

A11— “I can’t let anything happen to you/her/him/them”

A12— “I love you”

A13— “Dance with me?”

A14— “You’re hot when you’re angry. Not that you’re not already really hot!”

A15— “Make me.”

A16— “Please don’t leave me.”

A17— “Can I kiss you?”

A18— “Get out of my way.”

A19— “Stay. Just for the night.”

A20— “Do you ever stop talking?”

A21— “Please, just shut up.”

A22— “I need you, all right.”

A23— “Can you come over?”

A24— “You’ve done enough.”

A25— “You’ve changed”

A26— “What’s the worst that can happen?”

A27— “Stop treating me like I’m a piece of dog shit on the bottom of your shoe!”

A28— “You can’t drown your problems in ice cream.”

A29— “Stop pushing me away!”

A30— “I swear, you’re going to be the death of me.”

A31— “You can’t die. Please don’t die.”

A32— “Do you even love me?”

A33— “You know you can talk to me, right?”

A34— “You’re bleeding.” “It’s just a scratch.”

A35— “Don’t touch me.”

A36— “Is that my shirt?”

A37— “I’m going to kiss you now.”

A38— “I like your face.”

A39— “Come back to bed.”

A40— “You have me, however you want me; just say the word.”

A41— “I don’t want to stop loving you.”

A42— “We were just pretending to be lovers, but I’m not pretending anymore… I need to know if you feel the same way.”

A43— “I said you couldn’t fall in love with me, but I didn’t say I couldn’t fall in love with you.”

A44— “I didn’t want it to end, I just thought you’d be better off without me..”

A45— “I’ve tried to move on, but no one is you.”

A46— “We were never just friends.”

A47— “Are you trying to seduce me?”

A48— “If you had asked me to stay, I would’ve.”

A49— “Do you think we’re bad people?”

A50— “I tried my best to not feel anything for you. Guess what? I failed.”

A51— “Don’t you dare die on me!”

A52— “I’ll keep you safe.”

A53— “I can’t keep fighting like this”

A54— “I thought you loved me”

A55— “Because I love you, dammit!”

A56— “Every time I see you, I fall in love with you all over again”

A57— “This is hard for me too..”

A58— “I can feel you pulling away, and a part of me wants to let you, so you can move on and live life without me. But the other part is praying you’ll never leave.”

A59— “There’s always a place in my bed for you, I will wait no matter what.”

A60— “People like me aren’t supposed to have someone like you, I think fate was being harsh on you.”

A61— “I just want you to be happy, even if your happiness doesn’t include me, I just want you happy.”

A62— “Are you going to eye fuck me all night or are you going to do something about it?”

A63— “I don’t care about the romantic stuff, let’s just watch movies and cuddle.”

A64— “Well, Well. My Night just got better.”

A65— “Can I Keep You?”

A66— “Would it be all right if I borrowed your sweater? It smells like you.”

A67— “Don’t be silly. I want to stay up with you.”

A68— “I can’t get over how a few months ago I wanted to learn your name and now you’re having breakfast with me in my sweater.”

A69— “You don’t care, nobody cares, just leave.”

A70— “You’re my friend, of course I fucking care.”

A71— “How can I hate someone I’m in love with?”

A72— “To think I’ve changed so much to get you to like me, and you still never really look my way.”

A73— “If I kissed you, would you be mad?”

A74— “You’re More Than Just A One Night Stand.”

A75— “You never looked for me, I was right here, I was right here all along, I thought you forgot about me.”

A76— “Don’t close your eyes, please don’t close your eyes!”

A77— “I love you so, so much.”

A78— “I’m proud of you…”

A79— “Your smile… I’m looking at your smile…”

A80— “I couldn’t save them! I couldn’t save them!”

A81— “You said you would come back soon! It’s been all night!”

A82— “Why do you have to look at me like that? It’s making me weak, please stop.”

A83— “I’m so lucky.”

A84— “I can’t stop thinking about you.”

A85— “Is this the moment that we kiss?”

A86— “The more I look at you, the more I think we need to leave.”

A87— “Look at me. I love you.”

A88— “I-I think we should go for dinner first.”

A89— “I never thought I’d be so lucky, especially not in this lifetime.”

A90— “I’m tired and my bed feels so empty without you here.”

A91— “I think I’m in love with you and I don’t know what to do.”

A92— “I desperately want to take you out for dinner and slow dance with you until the sun comes up, but I also want to grip your hair as I watch you writhing underneath me.”

A93— “If you don’t stop looking at my lips without doing anything about it, I will take you right here on this counter.”

A94— “I fell for you without even knowing it and, it does it hurt that you can’t see it.”

A95— “Please just look at me while I confess, after that, you can look anywhere you like, I swear.”

A96— “For you, darling, I would collect every cherry blossom in Japan- no- in the world.”

A97— “Don’t hesitate, just kiss me.”

A98— “You’re the best thing that has, and ever will, happen to me.”

A99— “I think you need to tell me the truth about how you feel towards me.”

A100— “You keep saying that we’re friends but you look at me for a moment too long for that to be true.”

#prompts #prompt list #prompts list #athenathesharkwrites

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krreader · 4 years

Text

BTS (Hogwarts!AU) → soulmates, but from rivalry houses.

pairing: bts x reader fandom: bts warnings: non idol!au ; hogwarts!au ; soulmates!au ; language genre: angst ; fluff word count: 2.3k+

a/n: you are a treasure @jminacious and I really hope you like this ♥

kim seokjin (you touch your soulmate, your respective color appears on them)

It wasn't usually this hot. If you had to guess, you'd say someone messed up a spell and changed the weather, but according to your friends, that wasn't possible (they've never met Hermione Granger then.)

Nevertheless, you and your group of friends, not caring about the rules of not bathing in the Great Lake, obviously did just that and were having the time of your life, until a group of Gryffindors came along and decided to ruin the mood.

“You can't be in there,” you knew the guy. Kim Seokjin. He was one of the top students, one of the most liked students and the one that every girl fell for. And he was handsome, but he was also a little stuck up in your opinion.

“Oh, come on, Jinnie,” you giggled, getting out of the water and pushing your hair back.

“Don't call me that.”

“I know you like that, though,” you grinned and touched his cheek, your eyes immediately widening when you saw green on his skin, then sparks flying out from under your hand before you finally pulled it back.

And then the awkward silence began and the only one who didn't know what was going on was Jin, because he hadn't seen it himself.

“What's going on?” he asked.

“Oh my god, I can't believe HE'S your soulmate!” your friends said, even Jin's friends staring at him weirdly.

“Stop playing around, you guys, this isn't..-” but when Jin wrapped his hand around your wrist, red lines appeared on your skin and traveled all the way up your arm until Jin let go again.

You didn't hate each other, you just didn't really like each other very much either, so being soulmates was.. weird. You didn't understand it and neither did any of your friends, but you couldn't stop thinking about that day for weeks after.

You pretended like you didn't care, but the reality was a much different one.

A few weeks later you waited for him, made sure he was alone this time to have a little talk with him.

“If you have a problem, then just..-”

“Can I..-?” you weren't sure how to even ask this. Can I touch you? That sounded very wrong. But while Jin was surprised, he seemed to know what you meant, you raised your hand and waited for his small nod to gently place it on his cheek like you had done the last time.

And even though the light was green, something that Jin could see in the reflection of your eyes.. he didn't hate it.

It.. made your eyes look.. beautiful.

min yoongi (telepathic communication)

'God, I really need a drink,' Yoongi thought to himself as he watched countless of couples laugh around him, while he sat there on his own, drowning in self-pity.

The Yule Ball was supposed to be a fun event, but Yoongi hadn't asked anyone to go with him because he had pretended like he didn't care and now he was here on his own and really regretted his decision.

'Didn't anyone ask you, Min?'

He immediately rolled his eyes, 'I thought we agreed not to talk to each other like that anymore. Or at all. I don't want you in my head, (Y/L/N).'

'Aw, admit that you're lonely and that you like this.'

Out of every single person in this world, his soulmate had to be a Gryffindor.

'Leave me alone.'

“No, I think I'd rather join you.”

For a moment Yoongi was confused because he thought he had really heard your voice and when he turned his head you were indeed standing there with two drinks in your hand.

“What are you doing here?”

“You said you needed a drink, so I brought you one,” you sat down next to him and gave it to him, “These balls suck anyways. All you can do is drink.”

Yoongi looked at you for a long time and even though you didn't say it, he heard you say in your head: 'But only if nobody asks you to go.'

Yoongi didn't respond, he simply sat there with you in silence and the two of you drank.

And drank.. and drank.

Until everything was black and the next thing you remembered was waking up in bed next to him.

And even though he was still asleep, you could hear his dreams.. and he was.. dreaming about you. Positively.

So you laid your head back down onto his chest with a smile and stayed until he woke up.. and then even longer.

jung hoseok (you remember your past life together when you touch)

You've never talked to Hoseok before, so you were pretty indifferent towards him.

He was incredibly handsome, but he was from Hufflepuff and there was this unspoken rule that nobody talked about but everyone knew, which is that it's best to stick to your own house and not befriend, let alone fall in love with, someone from Ravenclaw. It was kind of like the dynamic that Slytherins had with Gryffindors, but less hostile.

It happened every now and then and people obviously didn't kill you for it, but you'd get weird looks from your friends for sure.

You had class one day, the only empty seat being next to you and Hoseok came in last – even though still on time and ended up sitting next to you.

You didn't even look at him, even though he said hello, you just kept your eyes on the board and waited for the teacher to come.. which unfortunately took longer than expected, because she was running late.

People started talking to the ones next to them, most of them laughed, while you and Hoseok just sat there awkwardly.

You turned to your left, wanted to grab the chapstick out of your jacket but ended up dropping it instead.

You wanted to lean down and grab it, but Hoseok did the same, your heads colliding with each other.

And you'd think that minimal pain would be the issue, but no.

Because suddenly there were flashes. Flashes of you and him in a life that wasn't yours but.. seemed to have been at one point.

You were laughing, his arms were around you, a girl, not older than two, ran into your arms, you turning around and smiling at him, him smiling at you and saying that he loved you and..-

“I'm so sorry, I ran into Professor Trelawney on my way here and she had some new visions she wanted to tell me,” the professor said with a laugh as she closed the door, everyone else in class laughing.

Everyone but you and Hoseok.

“She said that..- oh!” the professor watched you run out of class with furrowed eyebrows, “What's gotten into her?”

Hoseok sat there as stiff as a stick, not moving even an inch.

He just met his soulmate.. hadn't he?

kim namjoon (when you touch each other, you die)

“I always wondered, Professor.. why did you put me in Gryffindor?” Namjoon and Dumbledore were in the Astronomy tower, just talking.

The two had a good relationship with each other, so this wasn't anything out of the usual.

“Why? Don't you like it?”

“On the contrary. I love it. It's just that I had always assumed I would end up in Ravenclaw.”

Dumbledore thought for a moment, then he let out a sigh, “You know, Namjoon.. sometimes us teachers have to intervene with what happens at Hogwarts for the sake of our students. No matter the situation.”

“So.. you're saying I'm right?!” that genuinely surprised Namjoon. He thought he'd get an answer like: Because you're a great leader with great potential but.. Dumbledore just admitted that he was the reason he ended up in Gryffindor? He kind of manipulated it so he’d be sorted into a different house?

“I can't tell you why I did it, just know that I did it for your safety. For yours and that of someone else.”

Dumbledore had known about yours and Namjoon's soulmate connection the moment the two of you entered the halls of Hogwarts as children. He had seen how Namjoon had smiled at you and how you had smiled back at him and he instantly knew that if he didn't do anything to stop this, the two of you would not survive the first week at Hogwarts due to your.. connection. Or rather, curse, in his opinion.

He put you in Slytherin and him in Gryffindor, hoping the long rivalry between the two houses would prevent you from ever speaking to each other.. and his plan had worked perfectly.

Now, the two of you didn't even look at each other when walking down the hallways anymore, you were strangers.

Dumbledore regretted not being able to do more, somehow fixing the connection between you two, but keeping you two alive had been his priority. So until then, this would have to do.

park jimin (you get a symbol on your body that represents your soulmate)

Everyone at the age of 17 got the tattoo, the fun part was figuring out what it meant.

Well, for everyone but you, because on your 17th birthday, you got a tattoo that made all of your friends gasp, because your soulmate was the enemy.

You got a fucking snake.

“Stop this,” your friend pulled you back from the sink, “You'll rub off your skin at this point.”

“I want it gone!” you cried, “Please, make it go away!”

“I can't,” she sighed, gently patting your arm dry, then pulling down your sleeve, “I know this is not what you wanted.. but remember, just because that person is your soulmate doesn't mean you have to be with them. A lot of people decide not to be with their soulmates. And if you really hate it so much, there are a lot of people who specialize in changing the tattoo. We can go during our next break. I'll go with you.”

You were so determined to do that, really.

But then you ended up going for a walk that same day and found a guy from Slytherin sitting on his own, staring at his tattoo with a heavy sigh.

He seemed to be as unhappy about it as you were.

And only when you got closer did you see the lion.

Jimin noticed. He got up and pulled down his sleeve, staring at you with wide eyes, as if you had just found out about his great secret that nobody should have known about.

“You’re Park Jimin.. aren’t you?”

“And you’re (Y/N).”

You let out a sigh and pulled up your sleeve, exposing the one thing you were so ashamed of. Just as much as he was.

“I think you and I are in the same boat.”

And when Jimin pulled up his sleeve, both of you just knew.

But for some reason, neither of you felt resentment in that moment. It was more like.. home.

kim taehyung (colorblind until you look into the eyes of your soulmate)

You knew of Taehyung, but you had never really spoken to him before, there was just never a reason as to why. He had his friends in Hufflepuff, you had yours in Ravenclaw.

But today, Professor Trelawney had decided to pair him up with you.

She had said it was time that ‘the rivalry houses see that there is nothing to hate about the other’.

She had told everyone to start out with closed eyes and then when she'd say the word, everyone should open them and try to look ‘into the soul of the person in front of you’.

Everyone had laughed, probably thinking what you and Taehyung thought as well.

‘This is some major bullshit’.

But, see.. sometimes it is best to trust the teacher. At least in your case it was.

Because once you opened your eyes and Taehyung opened his, your vision suddenly became clearer and you started to see, what you only assumed to be, colors.

“THERE! THERE IT IS! THIS IS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!” Professor Trelawney said with excitement as she pointed at you and Taehyung staring at each other with open mouth's, “THEY'RE LOOKING INTO EACH OTHER'S SOUL! THEY’RE SOULMATES PEOPLE!”

She hit the nail on the head with that one.

jeon jeongguk (same injuries as your soulmate)

When Jeongguk had signed up for the Triwizard Tournament he surely hadn't thought about anyone but himself. Bringing glory to the house Ravenclaw and to himself.

God, he had been so proud at first, walking down the halls of Hogwarts with his head held high as every single person now looked up to him.

But it was right after the first challenge that he realized it wasn't as simple as it all seemed.

He had defeated the dragon, had gotten the egg, but he had injured himself badly.

And as he was lying in the bed of the hospital wing, he overheard Dumbledore and McGonagall talking to his right.

“How is this possible Albus? She wasn't even there!”

“The same? The exact same?” the headmaster asked.

“Yes, sir. Exactly the same as him.”

There was a moment of quiet, Jeongguk furrowed his eyebrows and sat up straighter, trying to figure out what was going on there, but there was no need for it, because the two professors were about to tell him himself.

“Jeongguk.. do you know a girl by the name of (Y/N) (Y/L/N)?”

“I don't really talk to people from other houses.. she's Hufflepuff isn't she?”

“She is,” Dumbledore put his hands behind his back, “And I suggest you talk to her once she wakes up. It seems like the two of you have more in common than any of us would have assumed.”

The soulmate phenomenon was incredibly rare to happen between two students, especially not from different houses. But Dumbledore knew that this was the only option.

“Wait.. why?!” Jeongguk tried to ask, but the two professors were already leaving.

And all he could hear was Madam Pomfrey say: “Poor girl.. you never signed up for this, haven't you? Us girls are always the ones who get hurt involuntarily because of a man's pride.”

Jeongguk gulped down hard, suddenly not feeling proud at all anymore.. but.. he didn’t know why yet.

#bts imagine #bts reactions #bts x reader #bts #bangtan #bangtan reaction #bangtan boys #kpop #kpop imagines #kpop reactions #bangtan sonyeondan #reader #bangtan x reader #bangtan boys x reader #requests

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dragonrebelrose · 4 years

Text

TROS Reaction 12-20-19. AKA my 6 page long dissertation about why I really disliked TROS.

I didn’t think it would be this bad. I truly thought there would be some gleaming moments of redeemability, but no. It’s one...giant...shit-show. What a horrible blow to the end of not only the sequel trilogy and these characters but to everything that came before. It really takes skill to mess up this badly.

A little something nice though, was the guy I sat next to. Really nice (and cute too ^-^ ) and he offered me some of his candy (Buncha Crunch! My favorite!) before the film started and then throughout the film because he said, “Well this is consolation for having to sit next to me.” Aw I couldn’t have asked for a better seat partner, I didn’t even know him! And then when the film ended he knew I didn’t take it well and I cried and shook through many moments and he offered the rest of his candy and I said, “Thanks, I think I need it.” I asked him what he thought overall and he said, “C-3P0 was pretty funny.” I said, “Yeah I agree. I actually knew everything that happened before I saw it, and I thought it was a mess.” He chuckled and said, “Me too, but I didn’t want to say anything in case you liked it.” I said, “Oh, no, I didn’t really like it. But I gotta be honest, Ben Solo didn’t deserve to die. That’s just my opinion.” I think he was surprised by that but didn’t disagree. He just kinda nodded or something and then we said goodbye and he left with his buddies, who also seemed pretty unenthused by the whole movie. Hopefully I gave him something to think about with my comment, but he was really nice and I’m glad he sat next to me.

Pessimism aside for now, I’ll start by listing the things I liked. I gotta be honest, there’s not much here.

Reylo is canon! But, in my opinion, it was handled pretty badly. Ben’s death is only the start of the problems for it, but more on that later.

C-3P0 is funny I guess. Yes he is annoying sometimes like usual, but not more so than other times.

D-O is freaking adorable. Out of everything good I’ve listed I have no qualms with this one. His manner is cute, his speaking is very funny, and his actions are just precious.

Babu Frik is very cute too, just perfect! Lovely little puppet! Don’t know why he was shoehorned in at the end battle but whatever. We never saw him again.

Maz is a puppet now? Okay, cool. Wish that would’ve been the case since the beginning. You had the technology JJ.

The music is good, when it’s given its own time to shine and be noticed. I feel like I barely noticed it was there because sound effects just drowned it out. Really wasted, but still good nonetheless.

Leia’s death and how it affected Ben. Wow. This was the first moment I truly cried. This was handled very well by Adam Driver, and then Maz saying “Goodbye, Princess.” Ouch, that got me.

Ben talking to the memory of his father! This is something I did not know was in the movie and boy am I glad I wasn’t spoiled for it! THIS is where the really hard tears and sobbing came. I was literally shaking and shivering trying to keep it in so as not to disturb everyone else. This. Part. Was. Perfect. Ben looks at him like he wants to say “I love you,” and Han says out loud “I know.” *crazy screaming and crying* Out of all the things they got wrong for Ben in this film, THIS they got right!

Ben Solo is the Solo boy we always wanted. Running in with a t-shirt, gun slinging, blasting opponents without even looking. THIS is a true son of Solo! But of course they give him no lines except “Ow.” THAT was a bad idea.

And that’s it. Yes those are the only things I even remotely liked, but I have to be honest, each one of these has some kind of problem attached to it which sours the real enjoyment.

On to what I disliked. Strap in lads, this is going to be a long ride.

1. The pacing. OH. MY. GOSH. SLOW. THE. FUCK. DOWN. For fucks sake I couldn’t even process what the hell was happening before we were on to the next thing! This was the biggest problem with the movie, BY FAR. Yes I know the story is terrible, we’ll get to that, but the pacing just completely took me out of the movie. I couldn’t feel invested in anything because it was all in one ear and out the other like ten-fold!

And this is part of the issue I have with how Reylo was handled. It. Felt. So. Rushed. And. Unfinished. There weren’t enough scenes with them and the scenes we did get were so fast and then over with that it felt like no progress was being made at all! It felt, for lack of a better word, unearned. And I know, that’s not really the case since they’ve had plenty of build-up in the last 2 films, but there wasn’t enough time with them spent NOT fighting and hating each other and opposing each other. Yes, I know, Kylo kept trying to get Rey to take his hand, but it doesn’t feel genuine because even Kylo feels out of character, and Rey too, big time. Now this isn’t the actor’s faults, they did what they could with the shitty story they were given, so I put all this blame at JJ’s desk.

In any case the overall film pacing was too fast, too much, too soon, too many things onscreen, too many things happening at once, not enough character, not enough motivation, not enough letting scenes breathe and just play out naturally. Everything felt forced for the sake of the “plot.” Oh we gotta get this thing, and then that thing, to get this thing, so we can defeat these guys! LET. US. BREATHE.

2. The story. My gosh, they couldn’t have picked a worse storyline to follow. Everything truly felt like it was written by a fanboy who wanted to retcon everything in TLJ, even down to the dialogue. Everyone keeps saying to Rey “You’re a Palpatine.” But it sounds SO strange, like nobody says things like this. I get it, it’s a space fantasy, they talk weird mumbo jumbo but it just sounds like a fanboy ghost wrote this. Like we gotta have everyone know now she’s a Palpatine! You’re a Palpatine! You’re a Palpatine! Palpatine heir! All bow down to the Palpatine! Give me a break.

3. Yeah, let’s talk about Palps. The old raisin himself. You know, I never really liked ROTS, but Palps was always a great thing about it. He was sinister, diabolical, he had a plan and knew what to do with it. But this Palps. *le heavy sigh* What a waste this was. For one thing, the lightning effects that lights up his face is really annoying, even for someone who doesn’t get seizures, I can’t even imagine what it’s like for those who do, I’m so sorry. And like, he has this whole legion of Sith followers? The fuck? Where the hell were these guys before? I’m sure they existed BEFORE the last Sith Lord died, right?

I digress. I have a question though: why does he want Rey so much? Why didn’t he try to get his son to take over? Wouldn’t that have been easier? Also, WHO DID HE FUCK TO GET A SON?? HOW DID HIS SON GET AWAY FROM HIM?? WHY DID HIS SON APPARENTLY TURN TO THE LIGHT?? THERE’S TOO MANY QUESTIONS HERE AND NO GOOD EXPLANATIONS. AND NO DISNEY, I DON’T WANT A 10-PART COMIC ON THIS. GO FUCK YOURSELVES.

The only interesting thing about Palps in this film is that his face gets melted off like a Raiders of the Lost Ark knock-off. He better not be coming back. Ever again.

4. And hey, while we’re on the subject, let’s talk about Rey’s parents. So apparently they’re both good people. *le sigh* But what kind of good people leave their daughter alone on a harsh and unforgiving planet with a blubber guy? And don’t tell me they didn’t know he was an abusive asshole, they LIVED on Jakku, they HAD to have known him, ESPECIALLY if they truly were junk traders, they would have DEALT with him. Oh, and apparently the “I’ll come back for you sweetheart, I promise” line is changed up a bit and given to her father after all. No. Screw that. That line was meant for Ben, I don’t care how petty this sounds, this is terrible. So yeah, fuck Rey’s parents, I don’t care how “good” you try to make their intentions, they’re badly shoehorned in and they screw up anyway. Next.

5. Ben’s story and his fate. So yeah, obviously I hate that Ben died, but more than that I hate how his story was handled here. It was so rushed, it didn’t feel as natural as it should have. It needed time to BREATHE. A lot of time! And I feel like they really shafted Kylo/Ben’s story off to the side to give more time to the hereby named GoldenTrio. (You know who I mean...we’ll get to them.) It really seemed like JJ didn’t even care about Ben’s fate anymore, and just kind of put it in as an afterthought. His death scene? Not even given a fucking minute to process because WE GOT TO PARTAY. All in all, his whole story is so terribly sad that I don’t even know if I can watch TFA or TLJ anymore, knowing how it ends.

6. The GoldenTrio. Oh for fucks sake, JJ, you should have killed Poe off when you had the chance, because now the story is all about THEM. Boom! They’re literally front and center in the movie. I don’t even think Reylo gets as much screen time as them. I mean really, Ben’s death scene and Rey’s grieving gets 1.5 minutes, tops. GoldenTrio reunion and threesome hugging? 5 fucking minutes of nothing but them hugging. I’m not even exaggerating. (Okay maybe I am, but it’s given more focus and time to “breathe” than Ben Solo’s fucking death. I’m getting a headache remembering it.)

Hey, remember in ESB and ROTJ where the trio got split up and had their own story lines and own purposes to fulfill without each other hanging around (apart from Han and Leia because their story lines are interconnected)? Yeah, I miss that too.

Also, Rey keeps wandering off being “pulled” to something, and every...single...time, Finn is like “Rey, wait! Poe we gotta get her! rEy CoMe BaCk!!” This happens at least 5 times, pretty consecutively too. It gets old real fast. Boy do I miss the days of TLJ where people got to be away from each other to discover new things without interference.

Which leads me to another point: They tried to shove FinnRey in here while shitting on FinnRose quite literally. What. A. Slap. To. The. Face. This is horrible treatment, and I hope Kelly will never do another interview for Lucasfilm again. She doesn’t deserve this.

7. The Ending™. Wow. What a way to show that your characters haven’t progressed at all by showing them in the same environment that they started in. Let’s do an overview: Rey starts out alone on a desert planet and meets a droid that isn’t hers. Rey ends up alone on a desert planet with a droid that still isn’t hers. PROGRESSION 101!! *slaps forehead* I mean, don’t even get me started on the fact that Ben isn’t there with her and that literally one half of her soul is gone (how is she not in agony right now??), but then to add more salt to the wound she’s just like “oh yeah I must be the rightful successor to the Skywalker name, even tho I’m a Palps...makes sense to me!” Fuck off. You don’t deserve that title after hating Luke for not doing what you wanted him to do and for hating Ben for most of this movie too.

Can we also acknowledge that this is THE ABSOLUTE WORST POSSIBLE WAY TO END A 40 YEAR SAGA AND FAMILY LEGACY? So, Palps had a kid who had a kid. This kid is then deemed a-okay by the family that was affected most by Palps and they welcome her like the sunshine child she is, yet shun their own offspring for being damaged goods because he was being manipulated by said Palps. Okay, it’s official now, everyone’s an asshole...except Ben. He seemed to be the only one to understand his faults and right his wrongs and not be an idiot. Then the kid who was abused and manipulated is killed because “reasons” or “problematic” or whatever and the offspring of Palps lives while the family that Palps manipulated is ultimately gone forever because it’s last descendant wanted to save the offspring of Palps out of the goodness of his heart. Now the offspring of Palps doesn’t even give a flipping thank you and steals their name. wHaT a SaTiSfYiNg EnDiNg!!! Someone gag me.

8. Luke’s X-Wing being raised out of the water and it’s in perfect working condition. What. The. Fuck. I don’t know if you guys realize this, but this completely undermines Luke’s arc in TLJ. That X-Wing was sunk and dead to show that he had no desire to return to the outside world. He was staying on the island. For good. And he buried that thing in water to make sure he couldn’t use it ever again, but it was still visible to him to remind him of his conviction if ever he questioned it. But no. That thing is a-okay and ready to fly. No need for parts, there’s no rust or any sea salt corrosion, ready to go skipper! This was just added for easy call-backs to ESB but boy this had absolutely 0 weight to it. I literally yawned or looked at my watch around this part thinking “oh my gosh isn’t it over yet?” Pretty much sums up my entire experience.

9. Rose got shafted to appease the fanboys. This one needs no further explanation or analysis, it just sucks and has no real reason to exist.

10. Luke was barely in it and offered not that great advice. Poor Mark. His performance really peaked with TLJ and never went back up.

11. Rey is suddenly the Avatar now? You can now talk to all previous Jedi’s who existed? What buffoonery is this? Oh, but Ben doesn’t get a single. fucking. word. from Anakin, the man he looked up to. I’m so tired right now. What’s left?

12. The message changed from “it doesn’t matter if you’re a nobody, you’re a somebody to me” to “you’re a somebody with a bad bloodline, but that doesn’t define you (except when it totally does)”. That sort of message would be fine if it had been the message since TFA, but it wasn’t. The message since TFA was “I’m a nobody, but I can become a somebody regardless of my lineage or my childhood.” Why change the message in the 11th hour? To appease fanboys. Literally anything that makes no sense in this movie can be attributed to fanboys. There’s so much contradiction and hypocrisy in this film from both the narrative and the characters that it’s insulting.

13. Hux was utterly shafted too. What a waste of a well built up and conniving little bastard who in the end gets shot for shock value and laughs. It’s like what TLJ did but way worse because he’s actually killed. Hux as the spy? Just no.

14. Jannah was kind of wasted too, not enough screen time. I get her and Finn kind of bonding over being ex-stormtroopers, but it’s not really delved into. Also the whole “nature vs. machinery” thing kinda briefly shows up at the big battle and feels unearned too, because there was nothing before in this movie or others to suggest there was a war between the two.

15. Poe is treated more as the heir to Leia than Ben is. Poe gets to fly the falcon and gets to wreck it up (dishonoring who it belonged to before), gets to be by Leia’s deathbed, etc. Not earned at all.

16. The pointlessness of random cameos or thrown in references. Not a single person in my theater noticed John Williams as the bartender, nobody pointed out or said anything about any reference from previous movies, it was silent.

17. What the hell was even the point of the whole “Dark Rey” vision? Oh, she shows her scary pointy teeth ala Bilbo style. No thank you.

18. Why the hell does it feel like these characters aren’t the characters from TFA and TLJ? They feel so different and it’s noticeable.

19. Finn is Force sensitive. Literally tacked on like nobody wouldn’t notice. We noticed JJ. We notice everything.

20. Rey and Kylo/Ben fighting for way too much of the film and their interactions. Not enough caring or understanding, not enough longing looks, it feels like their romance was almost cut from the film entirely.

21. Oh yeah, Rey floating at the beginning? Looked stupid as hell. And the “Be with me” line? I thought maybe, just maybe, she meant Ben, but no. She’s trying to reach “her past selves” like the fucking Avatar and she’s even floating rocks around like Aang did. Ugh.

22. Anything else? Oh yeah, this movie sucks completely and wholly...FOR NOT GIVING ONE FUCKING LINE OF DIALOGUE TO BEN SOLO AFTER HE HAD BEEN REDEEMED. HOW HEARTLESS CAN YOU BE THAT YOU LET HIM DIE WITHOUT SAYING ONE FINAL THING?!?! DAMN J.J. YOU’RE STUPID.

And that’s it. Kudos if you read the whole thing. I ramble a lot.

#tros #the rise of skywalker #tros review #reylo #tros rant

625 notes · View notes

bi-rising · 4 years

Text

Send me a ★ and I will generate a number from 1-300 for what my muse will say to yours.

“What the hell’s your problem?”

“Come on… Breathe! BREATHE!”

“Don’t give up on me now!”

“Why don’t you just give up?”

“What’s the point?”

“I hate you. So much.”

“There is nothing you can do to stop me.”

“I will stop you!”

“There’s no hope… We’ve lost.”

“When will it all end?”

“I wish there was something I could do to help you…”

“Help me! Please…”

“I think I’m dying…”

“No, don’t say that! You can’t say that!”

“There were so many of them…”

“We’ll never survive!”

“Are you insane?!”

“This is insane!”

“Why do you care?”

“Why should I care?”

“There is nothing you can say that could change my mind.”

“I’ve never loved you.”

“I can’t find it in myself to tell them the truth…”

“My chest is empty… I have no heart.”

“You soulless creature!”

“You’re a monster!”

“Why are you doing this?”

“Stop it, please!”

“No more… I can’t… I can’t take any more…”

“P-please… Make the pain stop…!”

“I wish I had never had the displeasure of meeting you.”

“Don’t struggle, now. You’ll only make me angry.”

“Will you just shut up?!”

“Struggle all you want—you’re not going anywhere.”

“I will kill you slowly, agonizingly, until you’re begging for me to end it.”

“Revenge… I need revenge!”

“What have you done?!”

“Look! Look at what you did to me!”

“Don’t you dare think for a minute that no one saw what you did.”

“How could someone do something so evil?”

“Did you never love me?”

“No. Never.”

“I wish there was a magic button that could make everything okay again, but there isn’t!”

“You’re suffering, I know… I am too.”

“We have to stick together, or we’ll never get through this.”

“You’re dead.”

“I swear I will haunt you for the rest of your days.”

“I’m going to turn your life into a nightmare you can never wake up from.”

“You look delectable in red, my dear. You should bleed more often, I think.”

“Someone call for help!”

“I think he’s dying!”

“Don’t worry—help is on the way!”

“I won’t let you die. Not like this!”

“Please! Don’t hurt him!”

“Please! Don’t hurt her!”

“Please! I’ll do anything you say!”

“I don’t want this… I’ve never wanted this…”

“How could you be so heartless?”

“Do you ever feel like you’re being watched? I do… All the time.”

“I wish you’d just die!”

“What’s the point of even living in a world like this?”

“Give me one reason why I shouldn’t do it.”

“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t take your head off right now.”

“I’m going to be the one to kill you. I’m going to make history.”

“No one ever said life was easy, but no one ever told me that it was going to be this hard, either…”

“I wish there was another way…”

“There has to be another way!”

“I can’t let you do this!”

“Why would you do this to yourself?”

“Don’t forget the people you love! You can’t leave us behind!”

“Stop it! This isn’t some riddle you have to figure out!”

“This isn’t about you—it’s about us!”

“This isn’t about us, it’s about them!”

“Surely you’re not suggesting what I think you’re suggesting?”

“We have to help them!”

“You have to do something!”

“It hurts so much…!”

“I can’t… I can’t…!”

“I can’t do this. Please, don’t make me…”

“I don’t want to hurt you, but you leave me with no choice.”

“There are times when I just want to break down and cry, and usually, you’re the cause of it.”

“Why do I always feel like crying lately?”

“Ugh, you make me want to scream!”

“Why won’t you listen to me?!”

“You never listen!”

“All you care about is yourself!”

“I don’t think I can love anyone except myself.”

“The truth is, I’m terrified.”

“You don’t understand!”

“You can’t run away. You can’t hide when the person you’re hiding from is yourself.”

“There’s nowhere to run.”

“I’m coming…”

“Are you hiding?”

“Don’t think you can run from me!”

“You fool!”

“You’re an idiot!”

“I have never met anyone so utterly doused in stupidity!”

“I can’t lose you!”

“I’m sorry… I can’t hold on.”

“I thought we were friends!”

“I would have trusted you with my life!”

“Well, then I suppose it’s a good thing you didn’t trust me at all.”

“Very well, I’ll help you. But you can expect me to betray you if given the chance.”

“Wait… There’s something wrong here.”

“Something happened here… Something bad.”

“I don’t like this place… Let’s leave.”

“Did you see that?”

“Did you hear that? There it is again!”

“I can smell your fear…”

“I sense a presence…”

“We need to move… Now!”

“Get down!”

“Man down! Man down!”

“Do you have any medical experience? Please tell me the answer is yes…”

“We don’t have time for this!”

“There’s no time to argue!”

“Are you sure this is a good idea?”

“Don’t question my authority!”

“We’re dead! We are SO dead!”

“Why do I get the feeling that you’re not telling me something?”

“No, you have to stop.”

“You’re killing him!”

“You’re killing her!”

“You are becoming exactly the thing you hate most!”

“Is it really worth losing yourself over?”

“Remember who you are, or they’ve already won!”

“You’ve gone too far this time!”

“Hah! You think you can stop me?!”

“What fools!”

“I’ve never known how one person could be so unbelievably cruel…”

“I’ll never understand you.”

“I’ll figure out a way to save you! I promise!”

“I will see you dead!”

“Kill you? You do me discredit, my friend! I can think up a much more creative punishment than that!”

“Do you see now why I’ve never trusted him?”

“Do you see now why I’ve never trusted her?”

“I should have told you all of this before, but I was terrified…”

“Please… stay with me… Don’t go!”

“It’s alright… I’m not afraid to die…”

“I’ll never trust you again!”

“You were the only person I could ever trust, and you betrayed me!”

“WHY?! Please, just tell me why!”

“TELL ME!”

“I’ll never tell!”

“You’ll have to do better than that!”

“Oh my god! Are you okay?!”

“Don’t worry, I’ll get you out of here!”

“Hang on!”

“Just hold on a bit longer!”

“No—wait!”

“Don’t hang up the phone!”

“Keep talking to me!”

“It’s going to be alright, I promise.”

“Just keep breathing, alright? You’re going to be fine.”

“No! No, please! PLEASE!”

“Don’t touch me!”

“Stay away from me!”

“Don’t lash out at me like I did something wrong!”

“I’m just trying to help!”

“Let me help you!”

“There’s no need to be so irritable…”

“Don’t you trust me?”

“Is there no one you can trust?”

“I don’t have a home. Not anymore.”

“No, no… It’s alright… I’m in your arms… I wouldn’t want to share my last moments with anyone else.”

“I miss her so damn much, and it’s killing me that she’s gone!”

“I miss him so damn much, and it’s killing me that he’s gone!”

“You won’t see me at the funeral, but I’ll be there.”

“I’m not leaving you! Not for anything!”

“If I had a choice, things would have gone so differently…”

“I had no choice!”

“There is always a choice!”

“Either you go for your weapon and I kill you, or we can talk like civilized people. Decide.”

“Their lives are in your hands!”

“There’s so much more at stake here! Don’t you understand?!”

“There’s nothing I’d like more than to slide my knife into your throat. I’m sure it’d be a smooth as butter.”

“I don’t think you understand just how much I hate you.”

“I don’t know what’s happening to me!”

“I feel different… I’m angry all the time, and I hate everything… Everyone. Even you, even me.”

“Are you happy here?”

“It’s almost as if nothing can make me happy anymore.”

“No! Don’t listen!”

“There is always a reason to keep going!”

“We have to keep moving forward.”

“If we lose hope now, we’ll never be able to finish what we started.”

“Let’s do what we came here to do.”

“You don’t scare me.”

“You should be terrified.”

“How are you not panicking right now?!”

“Keep calm! If you panic, it will only make things worse!”

“You don’t understand… You just don’t.”

“Don’t pretend to know me!”

“I will have my revenge!”

“They will stop at nothing until they have what they want!”

“I don’t know what to do… I don’t know what to do!”

“Do you hear them? Do you hear the voices?”

“They said we’d find the body here.”

“Are you sure we can trust them?”

“Oh, please! Love is for children!”

“We’ve got a job to do—there’s no time!”

“How could you say that?!”

“Don’t talk to me! Just stay away!”

“I don’t want to ever hear your voice or see your face ever again, do you hear me? Never!”

“Why did you lie to me?”

“None of this was true, was it? It was all some… some illusion orchestrated by you!”

“I lied to keep you safe!”

“I don’t want anything more to do with you.”

“I’m done.”

“I’m terribly sorry, but you’ve served your purpose and are no longer of use. Do you know what happens to useless things?”

“I am not useless!”

“You are not useless!”

“You are garbage and it’s time to take out the trash.”

“I don’t think you even know what love is.”

“You taught me what love is, and now you’re just going to leave me? Just like that?”

“I’ll never love again.”

“I’ll help you bury the body.”

“I can’t believe you killed someone!”

“No, I won’t help you do this!”

“This is evil!”

“You call me evil, but perhaps I’m simply misunderstood?”

“Don’t play games with me—I know what you are!”

“They’re coming!”

“Enemy fire!”

“Cover me!”

“There is something severely wrong with you.”

“You are a terrible person!”

“I am the monster mothers tell their children about at night.”

“Am I a monster?”

“You’ve turned me into a monster!”

“Where is it? It was here! Where is it?!”

“It hurts my heart to see you like this…”

“You don’t have a heart to break.”

“Perhaps it’s better that way.”

“It’s easier to live in a world designed to inflict pain if you don’t have a soul with which to feel.”

“There are two kinds of people in this world… Those who suffer and those who cause the suffering.”

“Give me the gun.”

“Don’t do this.”

“You don’t have to do this, you know.”

“Ow! You’re hurting me!”

“Does it look like I care?”

“Don’t you care about anything?”

“Get up off your ass and help me!”

“Quit talking in riddles and tell me what I need to do!”

“The end is nigh.”

“Scream for me.”

“I’d know that scream anywhere…”

“I was drowning.”

“For the last time: it’s not happening!”

“Why isn’t it working?!”

“We need a doctor!”

“We stick together. No matter what!”

“Nobody is getting left behind today, you understand?”

“There’s been enough bloodshed already. Let it go.”

“Don’t go getting all hysterical!”

“Hysterical?! I’m not hysterical!”

“You killed an innocent!”

“Of course I’m upset!”

“I have every reason to hate you, and yet here I am, saving your life. Explain that to me.”

“Explain!”

“You are going to tell me everything I want to know, and if you don’t, I’ll make sure you regret it.”

“Don’t worry, once you answer all of my questions, the pain will stop. Then again… Maybe it won’t.”

“They took him!”

“They took her!”

“We have to find it before they do.”

“I don’t want to do this… I don’t know if I CAN do this…”

“The voices… they won’t… stop… SCREAMING!”

“You’re bleeding!”

“Woah, hey! Slow down! Where’s the fire?”

“You’re hurt—badly!”

“I want you to be honest with me—how bad does it hurt?”

“There’s blood everywhere…”

“There’s something wrong with my leg!”

“I can’t see anything!”

“It’s… so cold. I feel like I’m freezing.”

“Do you smell that? It reeks… like a funeral home.”

“I don’t know, I don’t know! They all just…. Just got up!”

“They tore him apart!”

“If you keep spewing lies like that, I’ll tear you apart!”

“I’m not lying! I swear!”

“Please… Please, I’ll tell you everything!”

“I’ve told you everything… Now let me go!”

“I’ve been to the ends of the world for you, and this is how you repay me?!”

“I’d die for you over and over again if I could, and it still wouldn’t be enough for you.”

“What can I do to make you see me?”

“They say that hate and love are two sides of the same coin. I’m inclined to agree.”

“Get out of my head!”

“I just want to be left alone… Is that too much to ask?”

“You reap what you sow.”

“Do you ever wonder what life would be like for the people around you if you never even existed?”

“You can’t give me what I want!”

“I want to die.”

“Please…. Kill me.”

“I would sooner fall on my own blade than kill you.”

“Is there nothing anyone can do?”

“Can you not save them?”

“If no one else will step up to the plate, then I will.”

“I need your help.”

“Things would be so much easier if you were dead…”

“I should have killed you when I had the chance!”

“Don’t be ridiculous. You need me.”

40 notes · View notes

thecloserkin · 4 years

Text

fic rec: runs in the family by liketheroad

fandom: The Borgias

pairing: Cesare Borgia/Lucrezia Borgia

word count: 6k

Is it canon: yes

Is it explicit: no

Is it endgame: maybe

Is it shippable: yes

Bottom line: the revisionist rehabilitation of Juan Borgia that absolutely nobody asked for; read it and thank me later

Hello everyone it’s me, the girl whose entire brand is stanning fictional characters for himbo rights reasons! I am here to tell you why Juan Borgia is not in fact useless, and why you—yes, you—should ship him with our fave murder angels Cesare and Lucrezia! Are you ready?

I love the idea that Cesare and Lucrezia’s love is fated, and that Juan is a mere mortal whose heart grew entangled in God’s plans. This is a series of two short fics: we tend to bruise easily which is more Juan-centric and bad in the blood which is more shippy (if you’re just here for Cesare/Lucrezia) but you should read both.

Here’s what happened: Cesare needed someone to practice on, see, whilst he was waiting for Lucrezia to grow up. And since “only a Borgia can love a Borgia,” and Cesare’s one-night stands obviously weren’t hitting the spot….well. The thing I love about this family is that you literally cannot disconnect the murder from the sex!!!! Because they scratch the same itch. Cesare is the one who teaches Juan how to fuck and how to fight:

And so he taught his brother to be a fighter, and then a lover, but had never anticipated the two lessons becoming one.

Only problem is, Juan catches feelings. And Juan has too much pride to be satisfied with coming second in anyone’s heart:

But Cesare is a soldier, and he can recognize the difference between a parry and feint as well as any true prince of state. It does not seem that Juan wishes for him to stop—but rather, that he has finally decided to make Cesare work for it, every inch of skin, every brush of lips.

“There was a time when you loved me, was there not?” “I love you still.” “But not as much as you love her.” “No. Not as much as I love her.”

NOT AS MUCH AS I LOVE HER adfkdfjdkfjd. So, to be clear, the reason Juan hates Cesare is because Cesare loves Lucrezia more than Cesare loves Juan.

Lucrezia is like the sun, she has an infinite amount of love to give, and she urges charity and reconciliation between her brothers. To Juan she says:

“If I love Cesare, then it is in my benefit to see him happy. And while I can perhaps make him happier than anyone else, I cannot do that alone.”

To Cesare she says:

”I would rather share you with our brother than with a common whore.”

As you guys know, I subscribe to the triangulation theory of incest—that it’s more interesting when there’s a third sibling whose relationship serves as a foil to the main pair (not that there’s anything wrong with orphaned twins, I love my Maximoffs and Fryes). But I see no reason that third sibling needs to stand in an antagonistic relation to the other two. Juan doesn’t have to be a boogeyman, or the butt of Cesare and Lucrezia’s jokes; he could just as easily be their ally. This is Cesare and Lucrezia again:

“He has never been as sweet as you, has never sought out my affections the way you do. Only my ... instruction.” “Then perhaps that is because he believed that was all that was available to him.” “And now?” “I dare say he fears that there will be even less of you that he might call his own, perhaps none at all, once you decide I am of a suitable age.” “Suitable?” “Forgivable, perhaps.” “Oh, my love,” Cesare whispers, suddenly pressed close against her, his lips almost brushing her cheek, “there will be no forgiveness, not for me. But I intend to make my stay in hell worth it, I promise you that.”

This is Cesare to Juan:

“You are correct in thinking that you are not my heart’s only, or truest, love. But you are mistaken if you believe that makes you any less mine."

I love that this fic is staunchly pro-Juan and anti-Rodrigo, which is the reverse of the show. Like, Rodrigo set it up so Cesare and Juan would forever be vying for Rodrigo’s affections, and that’s fucked up. Cesare has just come to accept that Juan’s love will forever be mixed with hate and envy, and that is sad.

This is Juan:

“My god, Cesare. You can’t even abide other men looking at her portrait without drawing your sword, how on earth are you going to share her with a husband?”

See? This, THIS RIGHT HERE is why Juan is better when he’s in cahoots with his siblings rather than undermining them. I snorted.

It is not Djem’s death that she hates him for, but the dowry his death purchased. But even this she can forgive, because there is little any of them do by choosing, not anymore, and she must forgive Juan his part in the destiny their father has carved out for them just as she must forgive Cesare, forgive herself. Besides, Juan excels at accepting hate along with love.

And this was what I meant when I said Cesare & Lucrezia’s love was fated. It’s all part of the divine plan guys. Tbh the most relatable moment was when Lucrezia and Juan bond over what a pain in the ass Cesare can be and then she begs him for the kissing lessons Cesare has refused her:

“You were far gentler than I expected,” she says once he has released her. “It was your first kiss, sister. I thought it best to proceed with care.” “How does Cesare kiss?” “Like he is drowning and he means not to die alone.”

Cut to Cesare and Juan checking up on the newly married Lucrezia. Juan suggests, instead of skulking around the bushes maybe next time we could pay her calls in daylight, and maybe also take turns visiting her to avoid fanning the incest rumors. Cesare is visibly taken aback that Juan even knows the meaning of discretion. But if there is anyone he trusts to look after the light of his life, Lucrezia—well there isn’t anyone, but Juan comes closest. This is Cesare and Lucrezia consummating their relationship:

He kisses her neck, her finger tips, hands feather light against her naked skin. He holds her close, foreheads pressed together, whispering words of love and devotion, and once he is inside her she thinks she would rather die than feel anything else ever again.

This is Lucrezia talking to Cesare about Juan:

”He reminds me of you. You are both killers. Not just because you have to be, but because it is part of who you are—who you both are.” “And you find this quality appealing?” “Because you love me, yes. Because you will use what you both are to keep me safe.”

Friends, in all seriousness, have you ever in your life seen a more Slytherin family?? Honest to god. Slytherin in the sense of being laser-focused on protecting the people within their circle of concern, however that circle is defined.

Ok finally here is Lucrezia to Juan:

Being loved by Cesare comes at great cost, that I’m sure you already know. But how he loves me... it makes him hide from me. He thinks I deserve something better than what he is, and so he hides his darkness from me, hides himself. At least you are not denied the courtesy of knowing him. Or the dangers he faces.”

But Cesare has NEVER hidden his darkness from Juan!!!! Cesare and Lucrezia need Juan, he completes them, it’s not an equilateral triangle but it’s definitely some sort of triangle.

#cesare x lucrezia #borgiacest #fic rec

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liw-the-melancholic-apple · 4 years

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How it may have gone - Humble Beginnings

A fic taking place in the marauders era. While the political climate seems to head to a conflict, James, Sirius, Remus and Peter are still just teenagers. Dealing with typical teenage problems.

But this year their little group grows. Who would have known that more prefects would be a good thing?

Masterlist

Nine: A hard night's day II

The common room slowly came to live and I vaguely answered the question as to where I’d been that night a couple of times but mostly ignored what happened around me. Until all four girls stood in front of me and ordered me to breakfast.

“Let me get dressed. I probably look like I feel. I’ll meet you in five minutes.”

“You promise?”

“I’d take an oath.” They left and I went upstairs. Looking at my closet I landed on black Jeans, a black and grey flannel and a black cardigan. I redid my hair into the topbun and put on some make-up after brushing my teeth. Just to cheer me up a bit I popped on my favourite ring.

I didn’t quite make my five minute promise but I got up to the Great Hall as quickly as possible. When I entered, though, I considered turning back around and asking Mimi for that toast and jam she had mentioned. They all sat at our table. Milla next to Remus and Peter, who bumped elbows with Nica. Nica talked to Blair who sat across from her and in between Chloe and James who stole some bacon from Sirius’ plate. Why?

I sighed internally and very slowly walked towards the Hufflepuffs. Maybe if I walked slowly enough they’d be done eating and I could not feel that badly. But since I didn’t move at the speed of a flubberworm, I arrived at the table before Peter had started his second course. I sat down next to Mag and across from Toby, keeping some distance between me and the Potter-posse and Crick.

“Morning, you look terrible!”, Magnus greeted me and won a slap against the shoulder.

“Charming.” He grinned at me and handed me a cup and the pot of coffee. “Thanks.”

I mindlessly grabbed a raisin roll and a chocolate muffin and started plucking them apart without really eating.

Nica waved at me.

“Huh?”

“Ugh, if you’re sure you don’t want to come to Hogwarts and spy on those two lovebirds?”

“I am. Got homework and detention.”

“Right! What d'you get?”

“Caring for the plans in the greenhouses one hour a day. Not too bad, actually.”

“You could do both tonight, you know”, Peter said trying not to spit out his sausage and fried egg.

“Not if I want to sleep at some point.”

“Sleep is for the weak! Live a little, Goods! So what if you don’t have all your homework? Nobody will die from it.” Hoarse voice, cheery tone, friendly, casual, not a trace of hostility. Was he kidding?

“Consider me weak then.” I pushed an enormous piece of muffin in my mouth and nearly suffocated.

“It will be so much fun though, shopping and following them around just the right amount”, Blair tried to change my mind.

“I hope you’ll have much fun. But I’ll sit this one out.”

“You’ve sat everything out, since the year started, Tea!”

“Was I talking to you?”

“No, but since we’re friends again, I reckon I can take an interest in your wellbeing again. You’ve spent five weeks in isolation, Black’s right, you should live a little.”

“Thanks for the input.”

“Have I done something?”

“No Crick, course not, sorry. I snuck off to the kitchens yesterday and fell asleep there, I’m just grumpy. Which is another good reason to stay here, by the way. Get some decent sleep.”

“No changing your mind?”

“None.”

The group went back to loudly planning how to spy on Remus and Milla which had those two groan, roll their eyes and giggle. I stayed out of most conversations and focussed on the destruction of yet another raisin roll. My untouched coffee had gone cold by the time the others got up.

“Coming?”, James held out his hand to help me off the bench.

“Sure”, I sighed and took his hand.

He held me back from the others a bit.

“You should have come with the others last night.”

“I was making up with Crick.”

“Before that I mean. You should’ve come outside with them.”

“To do what exactly?”

“Listen to Sirius explain.” I didn’t answer.

“He did explain all of it. Granted, it took him forever which is way too long, but he did. And I think you should have heard it. Maybe even before the others.”

“No, it’s fine. I’m glad he feels… Forget it. It’s fine.”

We arrived outside and pulled out our cigarettes while Milla and Remus waved and made their way to the village.

“This is going to be great!”, Sirius triumphed.

“It better be. We’d have one hell of a mess on our hands, if it isn’t”, Blair answered.

“Don’t be a spoilsport. It will be great, they will come back coupled up and we won’t have to listen to Remus whine about her anymore.”

“Does he do that?”

“What? No, of course not, never, don’t know why I said that”, he recovered very unconvincingly.

I took a last puff, threw the fag on the ground and went back to the foyer.

“Where do you think you’re going?”, Nica shouted.

“To bed! You are off in a minute anyways, aren’t you?”

“We’re giving them an hour head-start. Come back!”

“I’m knackered Chloe, I’ll have a lie-down.” Spoken and disappeared.

“All is not well with you.” Crick had waited for me.

“I’m really tired. Maybe some other time?”

“If you want to talk, I’m here, yeah? Even if some idiot breaks your heart.”

“Noone did. And I wouldn’t come to you with that. I’m not a sadist.”

“You could, though.” I hugged him a little longer than usual trying to express my gratefulness, appreciation and how bad I still felt, then I left him standing in the foyer and went to bed.

Felix had come up to the dorm and woken me up with a weird expression on his face, informing me that Sirius stood in the corridor waiting for me, bothering everyone who went in or out, asking them to get me for him. Groaning I got up and dressed again. I reckoned that I didn’t have a choice to avoid talking to him. After all I had just accused him of ignoring me for no apparent reason, it would be childish to do the same to him.

Breathing in and out two or three times I stood in the common room before opening the door and stepping onto the corridor.

“Goods, hey.”

“Hi.”

“You seemed…discontent this morning.”

“How late is it?”

“Just about lunch time.”

“Bloody hell, I slept for a while, then”

“Yeah, you did. I’ve been here four hours and most of your hosuemates proper hate me by now. Felix was really annoyed when I asked him to get you.”

“He’s thirteen, he’s always annoyed.” I tried a smile. It felt weird.

“Listen, you want to grab a bite and have a chat? I reckon I owe you one.”

“I’d rather not, Sirius. I’m pretty sure I know all I need to know. It’s fine. Kind of.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, yesterday cleared a couple of things up.”

“It did?”

“Yes. Just leave it, yeah?” I turned to either climb back into bed or confront my mountain of homework.

“Goods, I want to talk to you, hold up!”

“You want to talk to me? You want to talk to me? I’ve wanted to talk to you for five bloody weeks. And I’ve tried and sensationally failed, haven’t I? Can’t always get you want.”

I knocked against the barrel.

“Goo…Jette! I’m an idiot, okay? I know. But you deserve a conversation.”

“Damn right! I deserved one first day back from Christmas. Or the day after that. But I didn’t get one. I got death stares and ignorance like I had bloody murdered someone.” I stepped back from the door and lowered my voice again as more and more of my housemates went to lunch.

“I’m sorry”, Sirius hissed. “Which is why I’d like to explain it to you.

“What’s there to explain?”

“All of it!”

“You okay?” Felix and Marvin had just climbed out on the corridor.

“Sure”, I answered.

“You don’t look it.” He turned to Sirius. “She hasn’t had an easy couple of weeks, right? And she’s not good with waking up. Don’t upset her anymore, mate.” He looked into Sirius’ face all earnest and protective and I didn’t think I either ever respected or loved him as much as in that moment.

“I really don’t intend to upset her. I’m trying to apologise and make things right.” What I saw of Sirius’ expression was melancholic.

“You’re a stellar brother, Felix, you know that? She’s lucky to have you.”

“She really is”, I agreed kissing Felix on the cheek and sending him away.

“He’s looking out for you”, Sirius sadly smiled.

“He better be. I’ve done enough of that for him for years. Should’ve seen him in his first year. Lost little idiot.”

“Yeah, I can imagine. Same thing with Reg…” The smile vanished from his face.

“Fuck, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. But I am. So, please have lunch with me?” I sighed deeply. I contemplated for a moment. I walked towards the stairs.

“Thanks, Goods. I appreciate it.”

“Hang on! Should you not be in Hogsmeade spying on Remus?”, I suddenly asked when it occurred to me that he had so looked forward to that little mission.

“Oh, the rest are covering that. Thought this was more important.”

We went up in silence, both wondering where this talk would actually leave us. Sirius pulled me to the very empty Gryffindor table. It was the emptiest of all four of them, only first and second years, Sirius and I. My own table next to it was a little more populated. Obviously the snow and cold kept some people form the village. Most Slytherins were apparently battling the weather and most Ravenclaws had decided to stay in.

Staring at the bowls and plates in front of me I realised I still wasn’t hungry although I barely touched my breakfast apart from brutally mutilating it. Unwillingly I piled some salad on my plate and decorated it with a bit of chicken breast. Sirius took half the total amount of chicken wings and drowned them in ketchup. I waited for him to speak, but he didn’t. He thoroughly enjoyed his food and I forced myself to finish mine. When a third of his plate was cleared he looked up from it and turned to his left, facing me. His face was covered in ketchup, he didn’t care or didn’t notice. I handed him a napkin.

“What did you mean when you said that yesterday cleared up things? I mean it might have for the others because they didn’t know what you knew, but what on earth did it clear up for you?”

I bit my lip and hesitated. He jumped his shadow, I should, too.

“The girls said some things, when they wanted to come pick me up to go upstairs that just…made me understand things better. No need for you to repeat it.”

“Come again?”

“They said that you had told them all about it because there was no need to keep it a secret from your friends.”

“Exactly.”

“That’s that, then.”

“What?”

“Well, I took the hint. That’s why I didn’t join you guys.”

“What hint?”

“Are you serious?”

“Always.” I couldn’t help but chuckle. Should’ve known better than to use that word.

“The way they found out is identical to the way I found out. Not asking for it but hearing it anyway. And you tell them all about it because they’re your friends.”

“Right…”

“Well, that told me all I needed to know.”

“I’m clearly missing something. Mind just telling me what you know.”

“Ugh…” I pushed my plate away and rubbed my hand over my face probably messing up my make-up.

“Do I have to?”

“Please. You seem to think that that means more than it does and I’d like to understand that.”

“It’s not that difficult: They are your friends, so you tell them what’s up when they hear about your housing situation. I’m not your friend, so you don’t tell me. I get that. So,I guess I can go?”

I got up and walked outside to the courtyard. Sirius caught up with me at the first of the icy steps.

“You don’t really believe that, do you?”

“What else should I believe? When I found I seized existing for weeks.”

“Well, yeah, but…”

“But what. Look, it’s fine, really. I don’t fully understand what I’ve done wrong but nobody can be liked by everybody and you don’t have to be friends with me to be friends with them. You just have to accept my presence. As long as you can do that…”

“Will you shut up?”, Sirius interrupted my babbling. “That is not true. None of that is true, yeah? You are my friend. I took a bloody punch for you. By a guy who’s built like a small mountain troll. I do not do that for people I dislike.”

“But…why… how…what?”

“I would have talked to you last night anyways, Goods. James, Remus and Peter set me straight. They were furious. Don’t ever doubt their friendship; I think they were ready to drop me for you.”

“Don’t be ridiculous!”

“Maybe not dropped me completely. The point is that I’m an idiot and you’re my friend. If you still want to be. Seeing how I’m an idiot…”

“Yeah, I want to be your friend, why d’you think I blew up at you.”

“Fine. Friends. Good Merlin. Thought that was obvious after we rescued you from Cricket…”

“So, did I but then you ignored me…”

“Said I’m sorry, haven’t I? Can you just let me explain?”

“Only if we go back inside, I’m freezing.”

He smiled and led me back into the castle and the prefect lounge. We didn’t talk on the way up. I didn’t know what to say anyways, I was rather confused.

In the lounge Sirius ignited the logs in the fireplace and I found some left over bottles of butterbeer.

“Nice!”

“I’m all ears”, I said after the first sip and gave Sirius my undivided attention.

“Right. Okay. Where do I start?”

“Where did you start yesterday?”

“Answering all the question the girls had”, he laughed.

“I have a question but I don’t know whether I want it answered.”

“Go for it.”

“When I realised you lived with James although your parents are alive and well I kind of assumed they… chased you out of their house. That right?”

“Sort of. I mean, you could say that. Look, I’ll go a bit far back in the story to answer that, yeah? That might be easiest.” I nodded.

“Here we go: My parents are pathetic, vile, racist people who love their so called blood purity and hate everything that isn’t a pureblood wizard or witch. I didn’t get that when I was young and I don’t get it now. And I’ve always let them know that I neither understand nor agree. When I was younger they didn’t make a big deal out of it, kept repeating their credo to me and hoped with all the traditional pureblood education I’d get the hang of it in time.

That changed when I started Hogwarts, got sorted into Gryffindor and befriended James, Peter and Remus. A bloodtraitor and two halfbloods were not who my parents wanted me to spend my time with. When I came home for Christmas they told me they were disappointed and expected me to use my position in Gryffindor House to spy on all those unworthy of magic so they could use that information in the Ministry to get unpure blood banned from Hogwarts. I refused. I told them I liked the blood traitors and halfbloods I knew and stuff like that. That’s when it started.” He paused and took a sip of his drink. He didn’t start talking again.

“The violence?”, I asked in a whisper. Truly, I wanted him to say no.

“Yeah”, he answered just as quiet. He took another sip of his bottle. “At first it was just a well-placed slap across the face and some yelling about how I was not serving my name. But the more they forced their views on me, the more I rebelled against them. Didn’t help that James and his family are normal purebloods who showed me how it could and should be done right. That made me even angrier at their ideals and twisted darkness. So, basically I escalated the rebellion and they escalated the repercussions. Slaps became punches, one became five and then ten and then don’t ask me how many, telling me I wasn’t serving my name turned into calling me a disappointment, a disgrace, a waste of space. You know…”

“I knew I didn’t want an answer to that question.” I felt a lump build in my throat and my eyes water. I usually wasn’t such a cry-baby.

“Oh, it’s no big deal…

“Yeah, it is! How could you even say that? It’s the biggest deal! They are your parents, they’re supposed to protect you and love you and tell you everything’s gonna be alright and be proud of you and support you. They’re not supposed to harm you, Sirius! Or break you down mentally. It is a huge deal.” While I spoke the lump in my throat grew and got audible, my voice cracked a bit. Sirius looked up at the sound of that.

“Woah, no crying! It’s alright.”

“It’s not alright! It’s amazing you’re not some whimp or an elitist arsehole or the worst person ever, fucking miracle that! You deserve so much better! Don’t tell me it’s alright! It’s not. Not even a bit.” By now tears were streaming down my face, clearly alarming Sirius.

“Goods… I don’t know what to do, now. The other girls didn’t cry. What do I do?”

I didn’t answer but leaned over and hugged him tightly. Sobbing like a toddler at the idea of the terror that he’d been through for the past five years. After a moment or two he hugged me back, rubbing my back, going “shhhhh” all the time.

“You know it’s not alright, yeah?”, I asked when I had calmed down enough.

“I know it’s not normal. And I know they’re wrong. But I am alright. Because I’m with the Potters now, and I got a family that actually functions and very good but sobby friends. So, please don’t feel sorry for me.”

“Of course I feel sorry for you!” Sirius let me go and pushed me away, his eyes narrowed and brows furrowed. I was confused. What had I done now?

“I knew it! This is exactly what I told them and they all went ‘no, she’s not like that, she won’t look down on you.’ And I believed it! I don’t need your pity!”

“I don’t pity you”, I forced myself to sound calm and neither shocked nor offended. “I am sorry for you.”

“Same bloody thing!”

“Not at all. You are my friend. I respect you and I care about you. That means I want you to be happy. I want you to be well. I want you to be unharmed. I want you to be as whole as possible. So, when you’re not happy, when you’re not well, when you are harmed, when you’re being broken, I feel sorry for that. Not because I look down on you but because I’m hurt on your account. You honestly think, I’d cry for you if I didn’t respect you? If I didn’t care?” I still forced myself to remain calm but it took all I had.

“You don’t think I’m a pathetic loser?”

“Sirius, why would I?”

“Cause you have such a perfect family. All of you. You all managed to be yourselves and believe in the right thing and make your parents proud. Why would you not think I’m an utter failure?”

“They are the failure! They failed you! And if you think any of us would judge you for what you’ve been through, then we have, too. But not you. Not you.” I closed the distance between us and forced him to look at me by pulling up his face with both my hands.

“You have done nothing wrong. And we all know that. You’ve stood up for what you believe in to terrible and horrifying people and you’ve come out a strong and kind person. We know that and we see that and we respect that, so much. But we still hurt for you. We’re still sorry you had to go through it. You got that?”

“I got that.”

“You sure?”

“Yes.” I let go of him and returned to where he’d pushed me.

“Is that why you didn’t talk to me. Because you thought I’d judge you, I’d laugh at you?”

“Honestly, after that speech I’d rather not say…”

“As long as you don’t think it anymore.” He gave me a weak smile.

“Not anymore.”

“Good.”

“Want to hear the rest of it?”

“The rest of it?”

“Like how I ended up at James’.”

“Yes and no.”

“So, my parents had a dinner discussion about werewolves, one night. It was during the summer holidays and there had just been an article in the Prophet about how there is a German organisation that has set up a full-moon-camp for werewolves. If you’re affected you sign up and then they take care of you over the full moon. The idea is for families to not be as affected or whatever. Great initiative. Obviously my parents hated it.

They told each other how it would be a great idea to set the whole camp on fire on a full moon night just to ‘end that pest’. Now, I don’t know what you think of werewolves but I tend to think they shouldn’t be liquidiated for existence.”

“Agreed. Most days they are just normal people and when they turn, they’re not themselves anymore. I’ll be honest: I do not need to run into a werewolf during a full moon. There’s a reason they are classified as one of the most dangerous creatures, but I’m mainly sad for them. The people I mean.”

“Well, my parents would hate you. Even more. Anyways, I told them pretty much what you just said. Which… didn’t fly with them. And because they had spent the entire time I was with them by screaming at me and using me as their personal punching ball – don’t look like that! – they decided I would be given one more chance to return to their noble and ancient ideals. So, they made me. Literally. They made me do what they wanted me to do. Brought in a stray mixed blood dog and had me kick it.”

“When you say made me…”

“Imperius.” I had to find every last bit of strength to not cry again. There was a very good reason that curse was an unforgivable one.

“And when that didn’t have the desired effect they rounded the evening out with a Cruciatus. I was knock-out for about half a day, then I wrote to James and flooed over there. Never looked back.”

“Thank God for Euphemia and Fleamont. I’m glad you’re out of there.”

“So am I.”

We drank up our butterbeers without another word and silently agreed to go back out to the courtyard after a while. Before we opened the door of the prefects’ lounge I hugged him again. Practically buried my face in his neck, one arm around it, one around his waist. I didn’t cry, I didn’t say anything. I just stood there wrapped around him, trying to stop his hands from shaking, which hadn’t been still since he told me about his sorting. I hoped he’d understand what I was trying to convey.

“You smell like something very familiar but I can’t put my finger on it”, Sirius said after half an eternity. Difficult to say if I had succeeded in my mission.

“Coconut”, I answered.

“I like it.”

“Thanks.”

“You can let go now, Jette. I’m good. We’re good.” I let go and smiled at him. He opened the door and we left.

#marauders fanfiction #marauders era #james & peter & remus & sirius #james potter #remus lupin #sirius black #peter pettigrew #harry potter #original character

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rulesofthebeneath · 4 years

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masters of our fates, chapter 1

@ajaysbhandari @pixelburied @itsbrindleybinch @awkwardalbatros @ravenclawpokegirl25 @lilmissperfectlyimperfect @witchiegirl @ajayforlife @furiouscloddonutpeanut

Grace glared into the mirror, trying to make the edge of the wig meet her natural hairline seamlessly. It was a futile effort-- it was always a futile effort-- but for some reason, this bothered her more today than it usually did.

Support group. The idea scared her, frankly. How was she supposed to go up in front of a whole bunch of people and tell them her life story? She could scarcely remember the last time she’d been onstage. Pre-diagnosis, for sure. Back in middle school, when she was just a bright-eyed thirteen-year-old trying her best to fit in.

Now sixteen, she looked into the mirror and shook her head. Three years seemed more like a lifetime ago, when she thought about how much had changed. How much she had changed.

She finally decided to just take the wig off and ran a comb through the layers of her hair cut into a long pixie. She didn’t like it, but it would have to do today. There was no use putting on airs for other teenagers that also had cancer. They’d see right through her ill-fitting wig that could only trick the most gullible. And anyways, her nasal cannula and the cart that she always dragged around with her that held her oxygen canister was a dead giveaway that something was very, very wrong with her.

Sixteen and dying, she thought to herself, seeing her humorless smirk reflected back at her. There had been a time when she was still soft inside. Grace liked that part of herself, but it hadn’t been strong enough to last through the chemotherapy, the surgeries, the doctor’s appointments where she was told she didn’t have long.

And yet, Grace thought, life keeps dragging me along. Like roadkill that got stuck to the bottom of a car tire.

She knew she wasn’t supposed to think like that. That was why her therapist told her mom about the support group that met in the auditorium of some old high school in town. It was the same one she would’ve ended up going to, if it weren’t for… everything else.

Her parents had taken her out of school upon her diagnosis of thyroid cancer, when she was 13. What had followed had been the worst years of her young life, poked and prodded and cut open and flushed with chemicals within an inch of death. That’s what they’d told her, at least.

Her cancer had proven untreatable. Even though she underwent surgery to remove her entire thyroid, the cancer had already spread into her lungs and was slowly drowning her. Chemotherapy didn’t touch the tumors, and the aggressive rounds of every kind of drug that the doctors thought might help caused all her hair to fall out and all the fat on her body to disappear, leaving her skeletal. But even as the tumors grew and grew, even as her skin broke out in rashes and her ribs showed through her skin, even as she spent long nights drowning on fluid-filled lungs, her heart kept beating.

Grace didn’t know why. And sometimes she wished it hadn’t. But it did, and a couple medical trials and a few experimental drugs later, the tumors had stopped growing. And Grace resurfaced, hacking the fluid up and out of her lungs, agonizingly and beautifully alive. Her doctors had called it a miracle, and her parents called it a blessing. Only Grace saw it as it truly was, though.

She saw the collateral damage that her family had faced. She knew her brushes with death had traumatized her twin brother, who was maybe the only person in the world who knew her better than she knew herself. And her parents had given up so much-- their diner, which had been their dream ever since they were newlywed twenty-somethings, had had to go so they could pay for Grace’s treatment. Now her father worked grueling hours as a line cook and her mother worked at a bookshop part time, but cared for Grace full time.

In truth, Grace knew that she had only destroyed their lives. That although nobody would say it, it would’ve been easier had she succumbed to the water in her lungs.

But maybe not. If there was anything worse than dying of cancer, it was having a kid who died of cancer. Or a twin. No, Grace wouldn’t wish that on them. Even though she wished they cared less, she knew she meant the world to her family. And they meant the world to her, too.

But sometimes, it was so hard to breathe.

She made the mistake of mentioning that statement to her therapist, which was what had brought her here. In the living room of her house, with her twin brother fishing their car keys out of a dish on the counter, getting ready to drive her to the school.

As they left the house and started into the warm Saturday morning, Grace squinted to shield her eyes from the brightness of the June sun.

“You clearly aren’t getting out enough,” James said pointedly, though he grinned as he pressed the button on the key fob to unlock the door. “I don’t think I’ve seen you leave your bed at all this week.”

“Sleep fights cancer,” Grace mumbled as she climbed into the car, pulling her oxygen cart in after. She closed the door, making sure it didn’t shut on the line.

“Yeah, but I hear fresh air does too,” James replied. When Grace didn’t answer, he turned on the radio to a pop station. He reversed the car out of the driveway and onto the street they lived on, and they rode in silence.

Not five minutes later, though, James slammed the button that silenced the radio. Grace looked over at him, startled.

“You never smile anymore,” he said.

“I’m dying,” Grace retorted. She made to turn back around to the window, but her line got tangled around a button of her sweater and forced her to spend a few moments with shaky fingers untangling it.

“You’re not, though,” James said, taking advantage of her line malfunction to hold her captive in a conversation. “I mean, your body’s not perfect and your health still sucks, but you’re not gonna die anytime soon.”

“Thanks to a drug that’s expensive as hell,” Grace said, again trying to cut herself out of the conversation. James wouldn’t let it happen though.

“That’s not the point, and you know it,” he said, and even though his eyes were turned towards the road, Grace could feel them flashing with anger. “You were given a chance to live, and instead you just lay around sleeping and watching TV. I know you want to go out and do things, but you won’t let yourself. Why?”

Grace fumed. She was furious at her brother, because his words touched every frayed nerve in her brain.

“I wish I had a dog instead of a twin,” she said finally. “At least a dog wouldn’t judge me.”

“You’d have to clean up its poop,” James said matter-of-factly.

“A small price to pay for getting to keep my secrets.”

James rolled his eyes, though both had calmed down enough for twin smiles to show on their faces.

“Make me a deal, and I’ll leave you alone about it,” James offered.

Grace raised an eyebrow. “What’s the catch?”

“Try to socialize at the support group,” he said. “It’s people like you. They won’t judge you. And besides, you already know Mrs. Silva.”

That was true. Their neighbor, Mrs. Silva, had gone through breast cancer a while back, and had relapsed when Grace was 14. Grace had heard that the high school where her kid, Rory, went had used the school play to raise money for her treatment. She was in remission now.

“Plus, maybe Rory will be there.”

Rory had been Grace’s and James’ childhood best friend, but Grace had lost touch with Rory post-diagnosis. She’d lost touch with pretty much everyone. James and Rory ran in different circles at school, but they spoke occasionally. Grace remembered how they’d run against each other for student body president, with Rory eventually winning when James threw his support behind them. In return, James was their vice president. It had all worked out for the best, but Grace was pretty sure the months leading up to it had been awful for James. She hadn’t been home enough to really pay attention to him, but she could tell he was stressed during his daily visits to her hospital room. She still held a lot of guilt in her heart for not being there for him during his time of need.

“If it means I get to binge-watch America’s Most Eligible once I get home, then fine. Deal. I’ll say a few words to Rory, and their mom.”

“Thank youuuuu,” James said in a sing-song voice, laughing. His laugh was infectious, one of the things Grace both loved and hated about him. She couldn’t resist, and giggled a little too. James noticed, and gasped dramatically.

“There’s your smile! I thought it had gone missing.”

Grace whacked him, but his athlete’s physique hardly noticed her weak attempt. Before James’ grin faded entirely, Grace saw that he had pulled up to the school and she got out as quickly as she could, careful not to tangle herself in her line again.

“Thanks for the ride, James,” she said.

“No problem. I’ll pick you up in an hour?”

Grace pressed her lips together and looked towards the sign that marked the building as Berry High School. Suddenly, she wanted to know what else she’d missed out on, besides the play and the election.

“No, I think I’ll get a ride home with Rory and Mrs. Silva, maybe get dinner with them. It’s been way too long since I’ve spent time with them.”

James grinned, and Grace swore that it lit up the entire day. Regardless of what he said to her, it had been way too long since he’d truly smiled either.

“Damn right it has. I’ll tell mom, and we’ll see you at home later.”

“See you.”

With that, Grace turned and walked through the doors of Berry High School. As soon as she crossed into the front lobby, she spotted the door to the auditorium, conveniently propped open for wheelchair users. She slipped inside as quietly as she could with the oxygen canister rattling around in the cart.

The theatre was decked out in red, the ruby-colored curtains that framed the stage complemented by the deep red seats. Grace ran her hand along the stained velour, wondering how old it was. Then, an enthusiastic voice pulled her out of her reverie.

“Is that Grace?!” the voice said, and then Rory Silva themselves stood up from one of the folding chairs placed in a circle on the stage. They ran down the stairs and threw themselves at Grace, nearly knocking her over with a massive bear hug. Grace was barely able to steady herself by gripping the edge of a seat tightly.

Rory soon noticed that Grace wasn’t hugging back, presumably because she held onto the theatre seat with a death grip and her oxygen cart with the other. They released her quickly, stepping back in horror.

“Oh god, Grace, I’m so sorry. Did I hurt you?”

Grace forced a smile onto her face. She loved Rory like a sibling, but hadn’t expected to be so aggressively greeted within seconds of stepping into the auditorium. The interaction had winded her.

“No, don’t worry,” she managed. Rory nodded, but still looked wary.

“We’re all up here,” they said, gesturing towards the circle of chairs onstage. About half of them were filled, and Grace didn’t recognize any of the faces. One of them was staring at her, a healthy-looking boy wearing a blazer, jeans, and thick glasses. He had one eyebrow raised, and the whole look came off rather condescendingly to Grace.

Great, she thought. Some asshole already doesn’t like me.

She broke eye contact with the boy and turned back to Rory.

“Come on up to the stage. We have a ramp set up and everything.”

Grace snorted, noting the presence of a girl in a wheelchair on the stage. “I sure hope you do.”

Rory laughed, and the two headed up towards the stage. Once Grace rolled her hand-cart up the ramp, which took more effort than she’d hoped, she was greeted by Mrs. Silva, a slight woman not much taller than Grace who was short herself, wrapping her into a tight hug.

“It’s great to see you, my dear. We’ve missed you around the house, like when you and Rory were kids.”

“Well, we’re not exactly kids anymore,” Grace said, and then instantly regretted it as Mrs. Silva’s face fell slightly. God, Grace reprimanded herself silently. Why can’t you just fake your way through a conversation?

To Mrs. Silva’s credit, she recovered quickly. She put on a warm smile. “As a mother, I’ll always see Rory’s friends as the little kids who used to dig up my flowers.”

Grace smiled despite herself, then Mrs. Silva released her. Grace knew she needed to find somewhere to sit down soon, she could already feel herself getting weak. She sat down in the first chair she could find, directly across from Rory… and the boy who had been staring at her, who was now just eyeing her occasionally. It unsettled her, and she wrapped her sweater tighter around herself. She decided to stare back at him, to try and assert dominance, and he raised both of his eyebrows like he was amused. She didn’t dare break his gaze for fear of losing.

A few minutes and a couple people later, Mrs. Silva finally sat in the chair that she had been standing by. Grace tore her gaze away from the boy to face her, but she could still feel his eyes on her.

“Hi, everyone.” she started. “Thanks for coming today. My name is Brenda Silva, but you all can just call me Brenda.”

Like hell I will, Grace thought to herself. I’ve never called you anything other than Mrs. Silva, and I’m not going to stop now.

“I want to go around the circle and have everyone introduce themselves to start. Name, age, and diagnosis if you feel comfortable sharing that. I’ll start: as I said my name is Brenda, I’m forty six years old, and I have breast cancer, but I’ve been in remission for two years.”

She gestured to Rory to continue.

“Oh, um, hi, I’m Rory,” they said, smiling in their characteristic goofy way. “I’m seventeen, and, uh, I don’t have cancer but I’m here to support my mom.” They gestured to Mrs. Silva as deferentially as if she were royalty, making some in the circle let out a small laugh.

The next person to go was a small, bored-looking but rather pretty redhead. “My name’s Skye, I’m sixteen, and I had leukemia as a kid but I’ve been in remission for four years now,” she said, smiling slightly at the last few words. Grace was happy for her too- four years was almost a guarantee of total remission- but a pang of jealousy swiped through her as well. She tried to suppress it.

“Congratulations, Skye,” Mrs. Silva said warmly. “Here’s hoping for five.”

Skye’s eyes widened, but she accepted the comment and ducked her head. Once the attention was off her and onto the next person, she slouched down in her chair. It was clear that she didn’t want to be noticed or singled out. Grace tended to agree with her. There was a time where Grace lived for the spotlight, but that time had passed.

She started thinking about texting James to make him come pick her up after all, but before she could surreptitiously dig her phone out of her back pocket, it was her turn to introduce herself.

“Hi, I’m Grace,” she started softly. “I’m sixteen too. My original diagnosis was thyroid, but it spread to my lungs.”

The others in the circle nodded, and the attention passed mercifully to the next person. Without meaning to, Grace found her eyes on the boy with the glasses again. He was looking at her with interest, almost as if he was trying to analyze her.

She wasn’t sure how long she’d been staring when he looked away towards Mrs. Silva. Grace looked down at her lap.

Get a grip, she told herself.

“I’m Ajay,” he said, introducing himself with a rather authoritative voice. “I’m seventeen, and I had osteosarcoma.”

“Had?” Grace asked before she could stop herself. Everyone turned towards her, and she turned red. Ajay’s eyes fixed on hers.

“Yes, had. I went into remission last summer after my lower leg was amputated.” He pulled up the hem of his jeans to show a clearly artificial ankle joint. Grace bit her lip and looked away, embarrassed.

From what she knew about it, osteosarcoma was rarely terminal, but it usually took an amputation to check you out of the hospital. She felt bad for having judged him just because he looked healthy, and she knew exactly how frail she must look with her cannula and her face puffy from the miracle drug. In contrast, he stood tall and bore no signs of the illness that had taken his leg, save for the prosthetic. His hair looked smooth, not a single hair out of place unlike her messy hairdo, and she found herself starting to wish that she had at least tried to put the wig on.

Stop thinking about him, she told herself, and she turned to watch Mrs. Silva as she started a conversation about something or other. Grace effectively zoned out, an action she’d mastered during the long lonely hours of recovery in the hospital or through the chemotherapy treatments. It was second nature by now.

By the time Ajay spoke up again, Grace didn’t know how much time had passed, but his voice startled her into consciousness.

“I just don’t see the point of optimism,” he was saying, “if we’re all going to die anyway.”

“Ajay,” Mrs. Silva said quietly, in a warning tone.

Grace’s blood started to boil, and she knew she was overreacting, but she couldn’t stop it. He wasn’t going to die. His cancer was in remission, he’d been given that chance at life that Grace hadn’t been. Who was he to think he could own cynicism?

“That’s easy for you to say,” Grace retorted, and she watched as his gaze met hers, his eyebrows lifted up again in that amused way, which just made Grace more mad.

“What’s easy for me to say?” he asked, a slight smirk at the edge of his lips. Grace narrowed her eyes.

“That we’re all going to die anyway. I’m dying every day, and you got another chance at life.” As she said the words, she became aware that she was unintentionally repeating her brother’s point from earlier, in the car.

He cocked his head to the side, looking like he wanted to say something, but he didn’t. He simply watched Grace, like she was an interesting TV show. She bit off her next words with all the malice she possessed.

“Don’t tell me what it’s like to die, since you get to live.”

“Grace--” Mrs. Silva tried to cut her off, but she was already done. She stared back down at her lap, twisting her hands together, avoiding Mrs. Silva’s eyes. There was no way she could ride home with them now. Not now that she’d said something really impulsive in front of Mrs. Silva’s whole support group. She was already regretting her words.

Mrs. Silva changed the topic and started to wrap up the meeting, and through it all, though Grace looked down, she could still sense Ajay’s eyes on her. As soon as the group finished the meeting, Grace was out of her seat like a shot, pulling her canister after her as fast as she could go until she was finally out of the building.

Up against the wall, she panted until she regained her breath. As Rory and Mrs. Silva walked over to where their car was parked, and the others either drove or caught rides themselves, Grace remembered that she had no ride. She cursed audibly, and at that exact moment Ajay appeared just outside the doors of Berry High, a cane held in his left hand. An amused smile played on his lips.

“Need a ride?” he offered, clearly enjoying the way her eyes flashed at his words.

“I’m fine,” she said curtly, pulling her phone out of her pocket to text James. Before she could unlock the phone, though, he spoke again.

“You were right, you know. I shouldn’t be telling you how to live.”

Grace looked up.

“I shouldn’t be telling you how to live, either,” she argued back. “I barely know you.”

“Do you think we can fix that?” he asked, an eyebrow raised in what now seemed to be a curious gaze, rather than a condescending one.

Grace met his eyes for a few moments, then nodded slowly.

“I do need a ride,” she said. “I was supposed to ride home with Rory and get dinner at their house, but, well…” She gestured to the Silva’s car, already pulling out onto the main road.

“Oh, okay,” Ajay said, clearly not having expected that. “How long have you known Rory?”

“I’ve lived next door to them my whole life,” Grace said, biting her lip.

“Really? I’ve never heard them talk about you.”

Ouch, Grace thought. That was a hard blow, to know her childhood best friend never thought about her anymore, but she supposed it was fair. This meeting had been the first time she’d seen them in a few months, and that visit was hardly more than a half hour long.

“Oh,” she said, and Ajay turned to her as he seemed to realize he’d said something wrong. He opened his mouth, presumably to apologize, but Grace shook her head and he backed down.

“I am pretty hungry,” Grace said, staring off into the distance towards the Golden Griddle. Even when she was feeling her best, she could still be swept away by the waves of guilt over that. They had given up their dream, their pride and joy, just for her.

She would never be able to forgive herself for that.

“Let’s go get lunch, then. On me.”

Startled out of her self-imposed guilt trip, Grace simply stared at Ajay.

“I barely know you,” she managed, repeating herself from earlier.

“I thought we were fixing that?” he asked, both eyebrows raised.

He thinks I’m quirky, Grace realized. That was fair enough.

“Sure, alright.”

Ajay shook his head.

“You’re a very… interesting person, Grace.”

Grace didn’t have a response to that, so when Ajay turned to walk towards his car, she followed him silently.

His car was the fanciest car she’d ever seen, and she couldn’t even figure out how much it must’ve cost. It was a sports car, but he clearly wasn’t really thrilled with it. In fact, once they got into the car, he turned to her before starting the engine.

“I’m not an asshole,” he said, causing her to laugh. “I know how it looks. But there’s a reason why I have this car. And it’s not because I’m a rich snobby asshole.”

“Oh? And what’s the reason?” Grace said through a big smile.

Ajay started the engine, which practically purred to life, and he wrinkled his nose at the sound.

“I can’t share all of my secrets,” he said simply, and backed out of the parking space.

Grace wanted to know more, but she dropped the subject. She actually kind of liked the mystery. One day, she’d be able to get that story out of him.

Wait, she thought. One day? You can’t think like that. Who knows what one day will be?

She shook her head, trying her best to enjoy the moment. The reminder of her circumstances creeped in around the edges, making everything foggy.

“Where to?” Ajay asked, and the fog thinned.

#im going to regret this #no introduction we die like men #i cannot for the life of me remember who's on my tag list anymore #im just tagging people who might read this #like: here:#*offers steaming pile of garbage*#if you don't like it blame taylor she told me to post it #if you've read this far congratulations: it's kind of a tfios au #but don't assume things about the plot #i still have a few tricks up my sleeve #reblog if you get the shakespeare reference in the title #Ajay Bhandari #ajay x mc #hssca #high school story fanfic #High School Story #high school story class act #choices #playchoices #choices fanfic #choices fanfiction #gloria writes #(writes steaming piles of garbage)#chapter 2 to follow cuz i already wrote that but when will chapter 3 be out?#nobody knows #not even me #not even my... finals goddamn test schedule knows #*sigh*#alright kids bye now #my fanfic

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futurewriter2000 · 5 years

Text

Perfection ~ pt. 4

Why the fuck was everything always so complicated? It's not the complication itself,it's the people. The people make the complication and the people make it hard to solve it. Hard to solve one simple thing because they are just plain bastards.

You were just so angry, all the time. At people- at the world. It was everything that was happening in this very moment was wrong, was crucial and painful. You were furious, anxious and desperate for breathing. You just wanted everything to go right but at times when the anxiety kicked in, all you wanted was someone to hold you and let you know that everything was going to be alright.

But it wasn’t going to be alright. Because you didn’t have anybody and as much as Sirius said he was here, he wasn’t. He would never care about you. Nobody ever cares what you feel and when you tell them a tiny bit of it, they just shut you off with the always-complaining excuse.

You weren’t complaining. You were tired, exhausted. You wanted to sleep, you wanted to feel some sort of relief. Hell, you even thought of drugs and alcohol as a way out but that wasn’t smart and you weren’t known for being that dense.

But God if people would shut up about how good it feels when the euphoria hits the brain and the nerves burn and your mind just relaxes for that one moment- No. You weren’t stupid enough to take drugs. You just weren’t but you had to be honest with yourself and say that it didn’t even once cross your mind how it feels. You just wanted to know. You were curious and angry. And those two usually don’t go together very well.

But there were sounds and laughs, talking, -there was everything and you were so full of it. You were so Goddamn full of it that you wanted to scream and shout, take the step you did and be free. Fly. You wanted to+ and you thought of suicide before but it didn’t work.

So what would work for you? For you to fly?

You needed something, you wanted something that’s why you were here.

“Don’t worry. You won’t regret it.” he reassured you, flashing you a smile.

“Just do it.” you became impatient and he smirked, piercing your skin with the needle until that needle was in your vein. “I’m not feeling anything.” you looked up at him and he chuckled.

“It takes a moment.”

But you didn’t have a moment. You needed it. You needed it desperately and a moment was just too long for you.

Until there it was. Something in your body changed. Something suddenly let go of you and tears prickled down your cheeks. They weren’t tears of sadness. They were tears of relief.

“Oh my God.” you laughed, continuing to cry as the sensational feeling covered your body, covered your mind and made you fly.

There it was. The Flying. And it felt better than you thought.

You were finally flying.

-----

At first, it was easy avoiding it. Avoiding the flying but now- a few weeks later that was all you wanted to do. To fly. To feel relief. And who cares if you throw up? Who cares if you can’t feel anything or just feel everything the next morning. You’d give anything for that sensation. It was always the desperation talking. But there was another thing that came between you and your euphoric experience.

Him.

It wasn’t easy avoiding him but you knew your way around the school grounds, that’s why you were so successful.

"You never came." you heard his voice from behind as he walked beside you.

"I never planned to."

"Why?"

"Why should I?" you turned to him sharply, glaring at him. "I didn't want you to save me, Sirius! Do you know how much courage it took me to go the first time and even then I was unsuccessful!"

He stared at your sudden burst. Of course, he was aware of your short temper but this time, something was different. Your eyes, your lips- something changed and he had a feeling he knew what.

"GOOD! Cuz you are not going anywhere!"

"What's your deal with me?!"

"THIS IS MY DEAL!” he shouted back, grabbed you by your thighs and threw you over his shoulder. He stormed away, just like that.

“PUT ME DOWN YOU SON OF A BITCH!” you hit his back with your fists but he didn’t listen. “I need to be somewhere!” you continued to shout but he kept on walking until the two of you were at the edge of the lake, he walked right in the cold water and he decided to throw you in it.

The cold was causing you to sober up and you didn’t know if that was a good thing or if that is only going to make you deal with everything by yourself anymore.

For a moment you were underwater because everything was quiet. It was peaceful and then you couldn’t breathe. You couldn’t breathe and at some point, you wanted to drown yourself but at the other you finally resurfaced.

“What the hell!?!” you shouted and stood on your feet, pushing him, hitting him, even kicking him. “How could you do this to me! You bastard!”

He grabbed your hand and pulled it out. You knew what he was searching for and he knew the same but you didn’t want to show it to him so you pulled back but he pulled again and the next thing there was he was pulling up your sleeves and revealing purple bruises- holes in your arm.

“ARE YOU MAD, (y/n)!” he shouted and dragged you out of the water. “DRUGS! SERIOUSLY?!”

“It’s not your problem!”

“The hell is not my problem! It is my problem! I want you to live not to overdose on me!”

“Well, if you haven’t noticed Sirius Black, I don’t give a damn what you think and I do not want to live!” you bellowed at him.

“Why?” he was calmer. “Why do you want to die so badly?”

“Because I can’t live anymore,” you answered simply, sitting down on the grass and starting to cry. “Because everything is so hard, so heavy- too much for me. I can’t take life anymore. I wasn’t built for it, Sirius.”

He sat beside you and wrapped his arms around you. “You’re here and now it’s tough but what do you expect. Life isn’t sunshine and rainbows, even for those who think they have it all figured out. Even those who live the best life have something bad coming just like those who live the worst of life have something good coming.” he rocked you in his arms and looked at the lake.

“That’s bullshit. Those who have the best life don’t even know what “bad” even is. I could hear some girl complain about wanting to die because her grades are not good. Or because her parents are arguing... but me? I have it all. Dad is a selfish, aggressive and alcoholic maniac and mom...she just doesn’t care and the rest of the family? - they don’t care and friends?- I don’t even tell them because they either give me the pity look or say ‘It’s going to be better.’. But it’s not. Everybody keeps saying that but it’s never going to happen. It’s never going to get better and I’m sick and tired of waiting for life to get better. It’s not going to get better. It never had the intention to get better it just sucks and it just hurts and I am tired of fighting. I shouldn’t be fighting life. I should be enjoying it.”

“You know...” he started. “I sounded just as hopeless as you are not but it got better for me.”

“No, it didn’t.”

“It didn’t?”

“Yeah. You lost the family’s respect. You lost your little brother. You lost any privilege of being respected because now everybody does think of you as a blood-traitor.”

“Well. I don’t care about those things. They lost me, not me them. I never cared for them, except for my little brother. We just drifted apart unintentionally but that is supposedly my fault. I’m the one who left.”

“Yes, but you have James. You have James and Peter and Remus and who do I have? I’d do anything to have friends like you.”

“Who do you have? You have me.” he smiled and looked at you.

“But you’ll just leave. Everybody does. Especially when it’s too late.”

“Not me. I’m not everybody, love. And for you, it’s never too late.”

#Sirius Black #sirius black x reader #sirius black imagine #James Potter #james potter imagine #Remus Lupin #remus lupin imagine #peter pettigrew #peter pettigrew imagine #marauders #marauders imagine #maruaders imagines #maruaders x reader #maruaders era

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katetheretard · 4 years

Text

Countryhumans reaction to depressed s/o

Let's imagine their s/o would suffer from depression, how would the countries handle it?)

Reichtangle-

•He understands:

Being one of the older countries, and also having experience in war, he knows how depression feels.

•"Soothing" words:

He would be sad, knowing that depression isn't as easy as it sounds.

So he would try comforting you in his own, weird, ways.

So a cute speech about happiness and joy would soon turn into him explaining the fears of war and tragedy telling you what he's been through with every little detail.

But, surprisingly, it's soothing! Think about it, he's been fighting so many wars, had been through so much, basically every single country hates him, but he's still here. Still with you!

So you can believe him if he tells you that life is worth living.

•Worship your scars:

Though he would hate the thought that you'd done something like this to yourself, he would worship your every scar like they're the battle scars of a warrior.

Because that's what he sees them like. Depression is one of the hardest battles one could fight, but the problem is that you can't use any kind of weapon. Instead you have to fight it with your bare fists.

And it hurts him even more that he can't help you with that fight.

When you would be insecure about them, he would show you his scars- 'look, Liebling, Theres no need to be ashamed, they only show that you were strong enough to survive something deadly! You should be proud!'

•He would be the definition of overprotectiveness:

There's no need to denie it- Reichtangle is overprotective by nature. But this behaviour would only increase as soon as he knows you suffer from depression. It would go to he point that you can't go anywhere without him, always having to tell him how you feel at the moment and as soon as you tell him someone treated you bad, he would go after that person. As soon as you told him about your depression, he would take everything 101% Seriously. Tell him you have a bad mood and he will flip out and try to snuggle up with you, caress your scars, and tell you how important you are to him. There's no joking if it comes to him.

Third Reich-

•He would be...shocked?

You were always such a happy and loving person, he thought you wouldn't have to struggle with anything, especially since he's here.

Though he would have an understanding of the word depression, you know fighting all the wars and stuff, he wouldn't know too much about it.

•Learning as much as he possibly can

Whilst he wouldn't show it of course, he would be genuinely concerned about you. He would spend nights after nights going on 'Important missions', whilst actually just searching stuff up about depression.

•He would be scared out of his damn mind

People can die from depression?? WHAT IF YOU DIE?!

After having read everything about depression, listened to depressing songs, having watched interviews were people talk about their depression, he would realize that it is much worse than he thought.

I mean, he's been through a lot, but something that kills you from inside? No. He never even thought about experiencing something like that.

And you, his precious s/o had to endure something like that every day? How strong must you be to still seem that happy?

•Would ask you why you didn't tell him earlier

He thought by now you should know that you can tell him everything, for what else would he be here?

You were scared what he would say? What did you think he would say? "Hey you're having mental health issues? Yeah I don't want you anymore, bye!"? Tf?

•Overprotectiveness to the max!

Yes, it's in the family. Just as his dad, third wouldn't hesitate to take a person down that made you feel bad. You're his, so attacking you, physically or mentally, means attacking him too, since you're his other half.

Germoney-

•He'd be terrified

After the second world war, Germoney suffered from depression himself. That in mind, he would be terrified knowing just how much of a burden it can be.

•He'd be there for you

When Germoney suffered from depression, he had nobody to hold onto. Nobody that would care about how he feels, and just because of the things his father did, So Germoney would be more than understanding when you tell him that you have depression.

If you'd cry he'd cry with you, trying everything to make you feel better. And if crying and letting out everything is a way to make you feel even a little bit better, hell gladly take you into his arms and hold you tight.

•Would search a therapist

As previously mentioned, Germoney knows the pains of depression, and he knows that it's extremely hard to handle. He also knows that it's even harder to handle when you're in a relationship. So what will he do? He will ask you to go to a therapist with him.

And yes you got that right, with him. He wants you to know that, with every step you take, he will be there holding your hand and showing you just how much he loves you.

Russia-

•He tries

Russia had a tough childhood, we all know that. Though his father loves him dearly, he never showered Russia in the love and affection needed from a young child. So you can already guess that he's not the best in showing affection either.

When you first told Russia about your depression, he handed you a bottle of Vodka saying "It makes you feel better..."

•Would ask others for help

Russia may have never learned how to show affection well, but that doesn't mean that he won't try. He would ask other countries that may have more knowledge of things like, what they would do.

From that point on, he would try his best to show to you how much he loves you.

•Expect unexpected Cuddling sessions, little presents, random smooches, and lots of headpatting ( Headpats~~~ -w-)

USSR-

•Proud Papa bear

He would puff out his chest, being proud that you've chosen to trust him with your deepest feelings.

After all, depression is a deathly pleague, making you extremely vulnerable.

•O V E R P R O T E C T I V E

You know that one guy talking badly about your figure when you two were going out? Well, he's sitting in a wheelchair now.

That one girl that said you look like a slut? You don't wanna know how she looks like now.

Whilst Soviet would never even consider hurting you, the moment you told him that you have depression it was decided- he will be your protector.

•Will get you an emotional support dog

He knows that even if he wanted to, he couldn't be always by your side.

Knowing this, Soviet bought/adopted you a Husky and trained them strictly.

As soon as someone would touch you without your consent? Bark

Someone seemingly dangerous is coming your way?

Pulls you away by the edge of your chirt 'forgive me, but I can't risk loosing you, master'

Great Britain-

•You what?

He would be furious. Why? Well, at first he thought someone hurt you and made you feel bad, so his first reaction was to bombard you with questions.

Who did this to you? Why didn't you tell me earlier? Where did they hurt you?? What did they say??? When did it happen????

•You'd have to explain it to him

Of course he knows what depression is about! Don't you know how old he is?- yeah, no. You were surprised to find out that Britain never really understood the concept of depression. And as you explained it to him, he was 'Slightly'

embarrassed. Meaning he was as red as a tomato. But he was understanding.

•Would comfort you

Britain is the master of being nice. Really, as soon as you say that you had a bad day, he'll shower you in compliments until you don't know why you were mad in the first place.

He'll just take you into his arms, snuggling into your neck and telling you how much he loves you over and over and over again. And don't even get me started on how he'd react if you'd cry. Britain would start panicking, trying anything to make you smile again.

Just imagine a frightened Britain running around the house, drowning you in blankets and pillows, cuddling you to death and asking you all two minutes if everything is alright.

You just can't feel bad when you have him around.

America-

•[Cries in stupid]

B-but, babes, I-I thought you were happy with me! I-I thought- I mean...d-did I do something wrong? I'm so so so so sorry! Please just don't leave me! You're all I have!

Seriously though, you will most likely be the one ending up comforting him, rather than him comforting you.

•He just??? Doesn't get it???

At first he'd shrug it off, thinking you're just in a bad mood. I mean, you're always so happy and nice! Why would you be depressed? But all of those thoughts vanish as soon as he sees you have a breakdown for the first time. After that moment he will be the one crying.

You just don't know how much it hurts him that you're feeling that way. What did you do to deserve this??

•He'll be always by your side. Always. No ifs and buts.

•Don't even dare say something bad about yourself.

What do you mean with "I'm just a burden for you"?? You're the one having the hard time, not he! And what is "I understand if you don't wanna be near me anymore" supposed to mean?! YOU'RE ALL HE'S GOT WHY WOULD HE EVEN CONSIDER LEAVING YOU!!!

•He would be Angry.

You did what to yourself?! Who is responsible for this??? Who the heck dared to say one. Bad. Thing. About his s/o?

Oh No sweety, he's not mad at you! Just relax (y/n), and let him handle the situation, okay dear? Those cowards will suffer.

Japan-

•Hush little Baby, don't say a word...

Japan would already know that you have depression.

He always knew.

Remember when you cried yourself to sleep one night when he was on a business trip to meet another country, but the next day you woke up to him snuggling into your back? Well, he told the other countries he was not feeling well, just so he could be with you.

Remember when you had a breakdown in the bathroom of that one restaurant you two were in at your second week of dating? Yes? And remember how he suggested to leave and go to a quieter place, taking you with him to stargaze a bit?

He always knew something was wrong, he just wanted you to feel even just a little better, always trying to do what's best for you and your mental health.

•Then why didn't he tell you that he knew?

Japan is everything, but he's not a Stalker. How was he supposed to explain to you how he saw the sorrow in your eyes whenever you stood up each morning? How your voice cracked when you tried talking happy about yourself... Or how you always seemed so quiet whenever someone told you about their problems... He noticed every single breakdown, every bad thought, he saw every demon following you. He didn't want to loose you to them, but he also didn't know how to talk to you about it.

Also, he didn't want to rush you. You already had a hard time coping with... everything, he didn't want you to do something you weren't ready for yet!

So he waited...waited for the day you would finally tell him how you felt.

•When you would tell him...

OMG SHE FINALL- ehem, I mean...Oh sweety I'm so glad you're open with me...

Seriously, he'd be so happy! Of course not because you happen to have depression, but because you decided to tell him. Him. Of all people out there, you've chosen him to be the one knowing about all of your problems.

And oh, will you feel his pride.

•Romantic over 9000

Random cuddles, candel light dinner, stargazing, walks through the park at night, smooches, headpats, snuggles, you name it.

•Jinsei saiai no hito, let me just quickly...

Break every single FUCKING bone in this FILTHY BASTARD'S BODY-

He would play cool around you, replying with a simple "Anata no Baka..." whenever someone would say something bad about you. But keep in mind, only when you are around.

When you're not though, he would go full Papa bear mode, tearing anybody into tiny little pieces who just so dares to point out one of the flaws that make you the wonderful person you are!

Don't even try telling him to stop, because *hair flip* you only deserve the best baby girl.

Seriously, you're better off accepting it.

#countryhumans #reichtangle #Germany #depression #sad #sad boi hours #fluff #Countryhumans fluff #wholesome #cute #i have a fucking mood rn

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guardiandae · 5 years

Text

Meta/Commentary Part 1: A Little ‘XO’ Wouldn’t Go Amiss

(Spoilers below)

Wade finally learned his roomie's real name on day two, when the proposed nickname of 'Priscilla' was rejected via stabbing.

"Y'know- I usually know a guy's name before I let him penetrate me," Wade joked, gritting through the pain.

"My name is Nathan Summers. You can call me Nate. Or you can shut your whore mouth."

I’m gonna say this right now so when I finally finish the sequel of this fic, nobody can cry foul or anything or pretend that I didn’t plan everything all along from the very start of this journey: There’s a reason why Nate stabbed Wade and it’s not just to be an edgelord. This fic starts written in Wade’s POV and then switches to Nate’s, and there is so much more info revealed from Nate’s perspective that changes how interactions are colored. In the sequel, it’s not written in that style but eventually you will understand Nate’s POV and be able to look back on this (and other moments) and be like, Ah. I spent a few months just agonizing over this fic planning. The levels of depth going on here, you don’t know.

Also it’s hilarious because, the movie never really establishes Cable’s real name so hi, it’s Nathan Summers. Scott Summers’ (Cyclops)’s son, but like... older than him because future and time traveling hijinks or whatever. This is only important because like, daddy issues.

technically they were even sleeping together, even if Nate slept in the only bedroom because he'd called dibs and Wade slept on the couch in a pile of fast food wrappers.

Denial.

Living with Nate was weird after living with Vanessa for so long. No more kisses -- not like he wanted any.

Denial!

Usually when Wade got home, Nate was never there. Hours later when Nate did come back, he'd just go to bed. Other times, Wade was hired for jobs that took days of travel to complete. There was little interaction between them and they barely saw each other, so Wade took to leaving little notes behind.

[Went to get milk. And also to put a cap in someone's ass. He's a bad guy though, so don't worry. I'll be home late. xoxo] [Forgot the milk. Also didn't cap the guy so I didn't get paid. Can you pick some up while you're out? xoxo]

So much info in one little spot. Nate only sees them as roommates, as a living arrangement and tenuous partnership to serve as an end to both of their needs. Nate has a place to live, and his only responsibility, as we learn in his POV, is to pay the rent on Wade’s behalf, with Wade’s money, because Wade is a disaster and his memory is getting worse. Not only is Wade just an annoying person who can’t take anything seriously, in his incorrect opinion, but there’s that level of guilt for feeling like a freeloader when Nate is the kind of person who’s had to fight just to survive his entire life. Wade’s little notes are so sweet, but to Nate, 1. weird 2. is this a joke? 3. stop reminding me of how much you care and meanwhile i can barely bring myself to write a note back, aaaaaa

I need to remember to revive the note-leaving between them in the sequel. It’s too cute, I can’t stand it.

Mercenary jobs had become harder to come by, and then work dried up. It was almost like nobody wanted to pay a guy to kill people anymore. As if there could ever be a shortage of people in the world who needed to die. But when one door closes, another opens -- everywhere he went, he suddenly saw slews of missing persons flyers. Wade had never noticed how many there were before, but he took it as a sign. He'd always wanted to try his hand at being a P.I. and Wade hadn't realized that the market was booming with families desperate to find loved ones. He offered his services as a private dick to several different people, but every single case was unsolvable. It was like they'd just vanished into thin air, but he knew that wasn't possible. It was frustrating to realize he was such a lousy dick.

Spoilers, but this is when the Thanos snap happens, and Wade is completely oblivious. Could someone who can be so devastatingly observant really be so obtuse? Or is his mind just protecting itself from such an incomprehensible reality that everyone else is suddenly saddled with? These are things Nate wonders later as well. Even I don’t know for sure. (I haven’t watched End Game and there’s still more plotline to tackle during the Snap, don’t @ me about how Marvel did it, I don’t know and I don’t care, I have my own plans) (By the way, characters will either be snapped or inexplicably alive, and that’s not a plot hole, that’s the joke. Welcome to Marvel, the writers never fucking make sense and I don’t have to either, YEET)

[Someone tried to sell a metal arm on the black market????!! It better be Bucky's and not yours. Not like I care.] [It was Bucky's.]

Rip Buckkyyyyyy lmaooo

But also, cryyyy because Nate is busy trying to help deal with absolute fucking chaos and he didn’t really stop to consider whether Wade would be wondering what happened to him. Ow. Yeah, I think Wade definitely subconsciously registered what happened and is in total denial of reality. It’s better that way. Nobody fucking tell him.

There was nothing that he hated more than being ignored. Might as well just talk to himself. Which he did a lot of lately.

Foreshadowing.

All of the warmth left his body at once, leaving him a little breathless and dizzy. He was vaguely aware of Nate looking at him, but it was less of a 'you're home' and more of a ' why are you here?'

This whole area of the fic hurts so good because I’m gay and I love drama.

Wade coming home, literally bleeding to death on the inside and in shock because, once again, everything went to shit for him, story of his life. And he sees Nate just there, dressed down, relaxed, and has this little flash of domestic happiness because he so desperately wishes that the domestic happiness was real and that Nate actually was waiting for him and happy to see him come home, and the hard snap back to reality where Nate doesn’t even like him is soooo fucking painful lol end me. And on top of that, he misread Nate’s concern as hate/disgust for him bc that’s what he’s used to, and then he passes out on the floor and wakes up with Nate over him because I’m gay and I love drama!!!!

"Wade, you died for a second," Nate told him. Wade couldn't quite tell if Nate was concerned for him or just annoyed. "I had to pull a piece of metal pipe from your chest. Can you tell me what happened?"

"I got a… pipe in my chest," Wade said, pausing for breath. His lungs felt wet and heavy. He should've left the pipe in.

"Very illuminating," Nate deadpanned, letting go. "Anything else I should know?"

This moment where Nate is so very fucking concerned for Wade, but then Wade cracks a weak joke, because that’s how he copes, and Nate is like, wow, fuck it, so much for being worried about you.

[[SCREAMS IN GAY.]]

These thoughts didn't feel like his own, even though they had his voice. His mind was always scattered, full of thoughts that flowed nonstop like a babbling brook. Sometimes it took a lot of conscious effort to reign himself in and make sense of his own head. But these just popped out of nowhere, in bold print, in boxes that were separate from everything else.

"Am I going nuts?" he wondered aloud, whispering to himself, because honestly, he was a little afraid of his own head right now.

(A little late to be asking that.)

And this is when the ‘boxes’ manifest for Wade. But in this fic, the voices that manifest in his head are his own intrusive, negative thoughts. The depression, the loneliness, the self-hatred, the belief and fear that Nate hates him too.

I’m gonna recap vs a full copy and paste because the next bit is long:

-Wade is coughing up blood clots from his lungs in the morning, or trying to. -Nate is disgusted but also sympathetic and offers to help Wade out. -A really layered conversation occurs.

“Maybe if I drown myself in the bathtub, the blood clots will rinse out. What d'you think?"

Wade’s exhausted. Joking, but also dead serious. Nate is concerned about Wade making such a dark joke, but he also can tell that Wade really is struggling.

“I’ll help you.”

“Really?” Wade is relieved Nate wants to help him, at first, but then remembers he just said he wanted to drown himself in a bathtub, and becomes disheartened again because he remembers Nate doesn’t like him. “Oh. Yeah.”

From Wade’s point of view: Nate just offered to help Wade kill himself, because of course someone would get a kick out of drowning him, he’s annoying, yadda yadda.

From Nate’s point of view: Wade isn’t okay and he offered to help him with his problem, because he sounds desperate and Nate doesn’t think that jokes will help Wade with his mental state, nor will the drowning actually do anything to solve the problem (the blood clots festering in his lungs).

"I bet you'd love to hold me down and watch me struggle," he said, still thinking about the drowning idea. Then, in a flirtatious tone, "I'll make it good for you, baby. Just promise me we'll do it face to face."

From Wade’s POV: He’s making a joke about Nate drowning him, but also making a sex joke to make it funny, to mock Nate if he really does want to drown Wade, so maybe he wouldn’t do it, or maybe it’d be weird and interesting.

From Nate’s POV: Wade is flirting with him, and his humor and still really dark and Nate really shouldn’t laugh at it or encourage that kind of thing.

From Wade’s POV, seeing Nate trying not smile: ah holy fuck he really wants to drown me.

"I don't want to watch you struggle," Nate said. If he did, he'd just leave Wade alone to keep coughing up blood.

"Ah. Consensual," Wade nodded. "Okay, well, I'd be open to some over-the-clothes stuff, and whatever happens while I'm still dead doesn't count."

Nate couldn't help but laugh. "I don't think we're having the same conversation."

Wade is continuing the joke, because from his POV he’s like, whelp, this might as well be what happens.

But they really aren’t having the same conversation. There’s more like, four different conversations happening at once. Wade’s very sincere idea of drowning himself as a solution to his problems, and Wade joking about Nate drowning him as a sexual innuendo. Nate interpreting Wade’s dark humor as a shitty attempt at flirting that he neither wants to encourage nor outright shoot down, and Nate offering to give Wade a better solution to fix his actual problem.

And Nate’s solution is to use his telekinesis to just... remove all the shit from Wade’s lungs. But he didn’t communicate that idea with Wade before just doing it, even if he did ask permission, so that’s pretty shitty and hence why we had to add the ‘Nonconsensual Telekinetic Heimlich Maneuver’ tag. smh

"That was dubious at best and now we have to add a warning in the tags," Wade sighed. "Non-consensual telekinetic Heimlich maneuver…. This is problematic now. People aren't gonna click on this."

This is a good spot to stop for now and continue in another post.

#self meta #reread #a little xo wouldn't go amiss

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angelspigeon · 5 years

Text

Sun of Corona - Chapter 03

This chapter contain more Angst (yeeeees) and I loved to do it. Especially a part of it ~

On AO3 just here > | °| <

Words: 2390

Looking the ceiling, Saïx couldn’t sleep. He could never sleep anyway… With the dim light of the World That Never Was, he could see the only luxury he allowed himself once the job done, a ring.

“Lea… are you asleep?” he asked, turning toward him.

“Always,” Axel groaned.

“And you’re talking while being asleep?” Saïx smirked slightly.

“I can do anything I want,” the Assassin replied.

And he tucked out his tongue at him, opening just one eye to watch him. Saïx stared him back, still with this smirk, as the dim light was lighting their face, just enough for them to feel intimate, the only one in the World… In the Worlds.

“What did you want?”

“It’s about the children.”

“Roxas and Xion? I love ‘em! Xion is so cute and Roxas… ah!! Wanna make him smile, the poor is…”

“You shouldn’t get attached to them. You’re just losing sight of our intent.”

“What?”

“You’re looking toward the wrong direction, they’re disturbing you and this would only make you lose time and get you upset.”

“What?” Axel said, pressing on his elbow to raise up. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Xion is just a puppet and it will disappear as soon as we don’t need her anymore. And Roxas will vanish into Sora as soon as we will be able to have him.”

“Yeah, I know Xemnas want to have Sora but we have Roxas. That’s gonna be fine and I don’t forgot our goal.”

“What is it, then?” Saïx asked, looking him right in the eyes.

“Taking our revenge and having back a Heart,” Axel replied. “I didn’t forget. I can’t forget what he has done to us. And can’t forget other people are in our situation. They need help and someone they could reach. We could take care of them.”

“They will vanish, Lea! This is entirely fake! They will use you, imply you, tug on your absent feelings and you will be sad. Give up!”

“You’re making me sad, Saïx…” he replied.

“I am…” he whispered. “I am trying to protect you. From them, from yourself, from vain emotions.”

“I know you’re pretty good at showin’ no emotions but ya think I’ll turn my back to someone else?! I’m not like that! Maybe I don’t have a Heart but I won’t stay here lookin’ people sufferin’. Ya understand?”

“I am doing the same thing.”

“No. You’re being an asshole here, Saïx.” He sat on the bed. “They need help! It’s not just you and me anymore. Is this the matter?”

“You are doing a mistake, Lea. Believe me or not but you are doing one.”

“So I will do it. But you… will you stay by my side while I’m doing it or not?”

“I will. But I will fight every day not to let you drown into this non-sense,” Saïx warned. “If I had to…”

“The man I love used to help others, no matter what,” Axel cut short.

“The man you love would have done everything as long as it was for you. As long as it was to protect you and make you happy. You may hate me right now but I know what I’m doing.”

“You’re fooling yourself!” Axel replied before laying and showing his back to him. “Have a good night,” he groaned.

Saïx didn’t have a Heart but it broke at this moment…

He hated when it was like that. He didn’t care who was right or wrong, but he hated when they were angry at each other. He hated when there was this atmosphere between them…

“I love you,” he said.

“I know,” Axel replied.

Perhaps he was the one who got too far or perhaps they will just continue to not find an agreement on this. In a few days, it will be forgotten…

He turned on the other side and closed his eyes, though he didn’t want to sleep.

And then… he felt a kiss on his cheek.

“I love you too,” he said. He pressed another kiss on his cheek. “Idiot… You know I won’t stop loving you,” he added, hugging him tightly.

It felt immediately warmer and, here, having his eyes closed was relieving.

“Perhaps…”

He didn’t want to tell him how much he was afraid to losing him. But he was happy to be between his arms.

Saïx had made no promise. Maybe he would be seen as the purest asshole by the one he loved, and by everybody to be fair, but he still wanted to protect Axel from himself. He wanted to protect him from those moments meant to disappear… Roxas and Xion would vanish and Axel could never let this out of his memories and he will always crave for this lost friendship. He had to do something.

Protecting Axel was his motto.

Protecting him from Xemnas, from the Darkness and from himself…

He listened to everybody no matter what except for this. He would give his life rather than risking Axel’s… Hence why he always assured himself that no mission could strike him down. But… Axel was strong, there were really little risk for him to die in a mission. No matter what it was…

And for the current case… if he couldn’t persuade Axel that he was walking on the wrong path, he would destroy the path in front of him.

He knew it was bad.

He knew it was wrong…

He didn’t push back Axel’s friends out of jealousy. He didn’t push back Axel’s friends because he couldn’t bear him having friends. He didn’t like share him because he was his whole life but he could do it. For the love of Axel.

But…

At this point, he wondered if he was doing the right thing or not…

Maybe he should let Axel doing those mistakes, suffering… But he couldn’t. He had to make a choice… seeming to be the bad one, maybe even filling his chest with Darkness, and protect Axel or just let go and being unable to be there for Axel the day where everything would disappear under his feet…

Their feet.

He was doing the best he could…

And time flew. Even if Saïx was doing his best to protect his lover from this ephemeral friendship, he was failing.

Failing in every way.

Not only he couldn’t protect Axel from the sentiment he wasn’t supposed to have but he was also putting distance between them. Sometimes, the night, the bed was feeling so cold because he couldn’t snuggle in his arms, Axel wasn’t in the mood to give him more than a ‘I love you’ to prove him that the past still meant for him…

Saïx accepted his mistakes.

But he didn’t accept the suffer he was seeing within Axel.

The part of Xehanort within him forced him to remember Xion and, at least, Axel forgot her but when Roxas couldn’t remember him, his pain had been multiplied. An old pain and a new one merging in something incredibly hard. Even harder because, sometimes, Axel would sit on the edge of the bed and mutter ‘I don’t recognize you’.

Who had changed between them?

Axel because he was moving away, transforming thanks to a new friendship, or him because he showed behavior he would never have showed before?

Or both.

They knew each other since they were just little child and it was hard to see the changes within someone sometimes.

Saïx still thought at this dream they shared together. Today, he was wearing the sign of that forbidden dream. They always had wished they would marry each other. Before, his father and his rank was the problem, the biggest obstacle and now the fact they had no Hearts… the fact they belonged to Xemnas…

Xemnas who had threatened Axel once again…

According to their boss, either he was bringing back the Wielder of the Keyblade or…

“Saïx?”

Saïx looked up toward Xemnas at the threshold of his door. The Second-in-Command stopped looking the discreet ring on his finger and got up, sliding his hand in his back while bowing slightly in front of him.

“Yes, Sir?”

“Sora is awakened.”

Saïx froze at those words.

“What…do you mean?” he asked.

“Please, don’t play it dumb. You know what I’m expecting from you right now.”

“Well…”

The man approached him and grabbed his hands, sliding his fingers on the ring to make it slid. But Saïx immediately closed his hand to prevent it to be removed.

“You’re trying to protect things that don’t exist. You have no feelings and he’s nothing but a barrier to your aim. You will never have a Heart if Axel remains alive. Hence the reason I want you to kill him. To protect Kingdom Hearts.”

Saïx shivered, closing even more his fist.

If Axel, if Lea, wasn’t there anymore, he didn’t care if they had Kingdom Hearts or not…

A Heart without Axel would be worthless…

“I know he made a mistake however, we need his competency to face the future. You wanted Thirteen members and we’re only seven now, we can’t lose another one. Axel is more attached to those vain feelings than I am… I can press him to come back. We will turn Sora into a Nobody again.”

“You seem to be sure of yourself,” Xemnas replied. “What is your guarantee?”

Saïx didn’t reply.

“Well… if you don’t bring him back, I’ll see what will happen. You seem to be really sure of yourself, after all,” he muttered with a sweet tone, pressing his fingers on the ring.

It has nothing really sweet there…

“Find him. Uses your charm to drag him home,” the boss added with a colder tone.

Saïx moved back, tugging in his hand with rage. Darkness were surrounding him and he it swallowed him to spit him right in Hollow Bastion. It was the World they had grew in and he knew it would the first place Axel would go in if he was pushed back from Twilight Town by any threat. Axel was too emotional…

He closed his eyes to search for the Darkness he knew so much… Those darkness he was so impregnate with.

Finding them, he used another Corridor of Darkness to reach them. Reach him.

“Lea!” he let out at the moment he arrived in front of him.

Axel shoved someone behind his back.

Naminé.

Saïx frowned then looked him.

“What is happening?” he asked.

“I’m glad you’re here. Why Xemnas send you, exactly? Transform me into a Dusk?”

Saïx opened his mouth to reply ‘bring you back home’ but he didn’t doubt Xemnas’ plans were more treacherous. Of course he wanted to transform him into a Dusk. He could replace any member of the Organization and didn’t have cared much for the death of those who had been previous friends to him…

“Probably.”

“Sure is. I’m leaving.”

“You’re… You are what?” Saïx asked.

“I’m leaving. Bye bye, adios, I’m going to another World. There is nothing else for me there anyway.”

Saïx blinked and watched him in the eyes, opening his lips to whisper ‘me’ but instead…

“Don’t leave me,” he said.

Axel let go on Naminé and approached him to slide his hands on his cheeks, caressing them before pressing a kiss on the center of the scar across his face.

“Of course, I’m not leaving you. Come with us! Nothing else remain for you there? A Heart? I don’t believe we will have a part of Kingdom Hearts. We’re just stupid pawns!”

“We need a Heart.”

“We don’t. We remember what we felt for each other, right? We love each other? We can all get the fuck away from here and have a new life!”

Saïx’s hands were shaking. He was doing his best to not shake himself but he was on the edge. His fingers passed on Axel’s chest.

He couldn’t live without him. He was the one shining his way, whatever the horror they had done. He was his reason to pursue and to wait for a stupid dream seeming so unreal anyway… From the first day he saw him, he knew his life wasn’t a quest of different dreams you had to fulfill to still fight and pursue and win a game that everybody lost anyway… His life was a person.

His life was Lea.

His life was Axel.

And if he followed him, Xemnas would find him because of the Recusant’s Sigil. Because he had a part of him running in his whole body.

He leaned over him and kissed him.

They had kissed a million times in a million of different situation but this was the most wet kiss they had shared. The worst kisses… and when you couldn’t put your Heart in, kissing wasn’t that good… Yet, here, Axel could feel how much Saïx’s Heart, Isa’s Heart, was in… and it was the worst kiss ever. Because he felt his pain, because he felt his shivers and the salt of his tears were rolling between their lips. He hugged him to comfort him but Saïx’s shivered even more.

Axel couldn’t remember the number of time he had seen him cry and he had memorized everything about Saïx because he was the only one.

Saïx hiccupped, pressing his forehead against his, his hands on his cheeks, his thumbs brushing the skin. His Mind was yelling to him, begging for him to say ‘don’t go, don’t leave me’.

“Go… Leave…” he said.

“Saï… Isa?”

“Leave,” Saïx begged. “If you believe in this love you have for me, leave… Don’t come back. You deserve better than this…”

“What are you saying… You’re my only one,” Axel replied, hugging him more, caressing his cheek, letting the long blue hair roll around his fingers. “We are meant to be together… Forever. Nothing can tear us apart, right? One day, I’ll marry…”

“No!” Saïx said firmly. “Leave. Go. Don’t come back!”

“I love you,” Axel whispered.

Saïx kissed him. “I love you. Got it memorized?”

Axel pressed his forehead against his.

“Forever. You’re my everything.”

“You’re my Heart…” Saïx whispered. He paced backward, Darkness grabbing him. “Stay safe…”

Axel held out his hand to try to reach him, even if this was stupid, his fingers brushed his and… he saw the ring shine one last time through the Darkness before never seeing him again…

#It's on ao3 #fanfiction #akusai #leaisa #KH #Kingdom Hearts #Axel #Saïx #Axel KH #Saïx KH #Angst #Love through Angst

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mirage-babey · 5 years

Text

Opposed - Mirage x Wraith

Inspired by this ask: Once the game masters are aware that mirage and wraith are a couple, they'll sometimes put each other on enemy squads hoping that they'll have to face each other for entertainment.

AO3

The Apex Games were supposed to be a way to make ends meet. Wraith wanted answers, an explanation for how she became who she is. Mirage wanted to help his mother, and needed something to take his mind off his missing brothers.

It’s never that easy, though.

Fighting on the same team brought them together, but it wasn’t until one of them was half dead that they realised just how close they had become. In the spur of the moment they slipped up, caught by the joy of winning, caught by the relief of being alive, and caught sharing a kiss on camera. It wasn’t long, but it was still long enough - everyone had seen the moment televised, and those organising the Apex Games had been given a golden opportunity.

So, following seasons saw Wraith and Mirage in the same team - the pair kept very quiet about their relationship, but nobody was about to forget the kiss they shared. As much as they tried to keep it all under wraps, the way they interacted with each other was evidence enough that there was something more going on between them.

And who loves drama more than those watching the Apex Games?

Being put on the same team had become a given, one that nobody had questioned. Separating the pair, however - that had been the plan all along.

And they couldn’t back out now.

Somehow their respective squads had managed to avoid each other the entire time, but all things must come to an end, and deep down they knew that one of them wouldn’t be coming out alive.

Wraith didn’t fear anything, this much everyone knew to be true, but in reality this was simply because she had found nothing to be afraid of. There were only two squads remaining, and even as her teammates grew weak and began to fall, she was unafraid. Victory was within her grasp, she just needed to push a little bit further-

“Stop.”

She’s caught off guard. The voice guiding her had never been so commanding, but the order rings clear. Her finger moves from the trigger, just milliseconds away from being squeezed enough to fire. This moment allows her to take in her surroundings, the corpses of her teammates around her, and the corpses of her enemies joining them.

But she hadn’t won yet. Why did the voice tell her to stop?

She straightens up, looking around with clearer eyes now. She begins to stand, still cautious, and as she rises, so does a foreign feeling in her gut. It’s not nerves, no, but it’s similar.

Her eyes find his, and she realises she feels fear.

Mirage is pointing his gun at her, ready to take the win, but when he realises who he’s facing, the weapon falls from his grasp, clattering loudly to the ground.

The arena isn’t usually this quiet.

But then again, jokes this cruel aren’t usually played.

For the first time, Mirage is truly speechless. Wraith’s grip on her firearm is limp, the weapon slipping from her fingers as she murmurs under her breath.

“No. No, no, no, no, no-“ Every word is more frantic than the last as she practically stumbles toward him. He mirrors her actions, eyes glassy as he tries desperately to hide this raw emotion from the prying cameras. They’re wrapped in each other’s embrace, the buzzing of the Ring and the pounding of their hearts the only sound to hear. The relative silence is somehow so much worse than the bouncing noise of gunfire.

“I- I-“ Mirage swallows thickly, face buried in Wraith’s shoulder. “I can’t do this.”

Wraith doesn’t speak, she just squeezes him a little tighter. There isn’t really anything to say.

“I’m sorry. This is my fault.” She whispers in the voice of someone who has been broken over and over again, the helplessness she’d sealed away long ago finally seeping into her words.

Mirage pulls back, hands firmly on her shoulders as he looks her in the eye. He’s blinking back tears, a lump rising in his throat, but he talks anyway. He needs her to hear this. “No, no, this isn’t your fault-“

“I’m the one that kissed you when the cameras were still rolling. I’m the reason we’re here.” Her words are far drier than her eyes.

The frown is etched deep into his features as he shakes his head. “Fine, maybe so, but I don’t care,” His words catch in his throat momentarily, and he knows it won’t be long before he can no longer hold back his tears. “It made me happy - you made me happy.”

Wraith blinks at him, once, twice - her tears spill over, and his do the same. They cling to each other, for once truly recognising how scared they were.

“Hey, hey,” Mirage rests a gentle hand on the side of her face, smiling weakly down at her despite the tears marking his cheeks. “Promise me you’ll look after yourself, okay?”

“What?” Wraith whispers in response, confusion written across her face.

Mirages chuckles lightly as he wipes his eyes, his free hand falling down to take Wraith’s. “I just- look after yourself, okay? And maybe check in on my mom from time to time, too? We- she’s lost a lot, and I, uh, I don’t want to see her hurting anymore,” He tilts his head up, a last attempt to stop his tears as he takes a deep breath. Finally, he meets Wraith’s gaze, and offers her a final, shakey smile. He takes a step back, his hands letting hers slip from his grip. “I love you.”

Horror and fear flash across Wraith’s face, panic bubbling up inside her as she watches him walk towards the too close orange ring, the realisation of what he plans to do dawning on her. “Mirage- what are you-“ Her words are far more frantic than anyone had heard them before. The woman, usually so calm and collected, jolts forward, making a start towards her partner as he nears the wall. “Mirage- Elliott- Elliott, please!”

She grabs his wrist, pulling him back, desperation in her eyes as the buzzing of the Ring drowns out any voice that could offer her guidance.

The anguish her voice carried hurt to hear, and at that moment he was more certain than ever that she was possibly the only person that had seen past his arrogant, humorous exterior and truly seen who he was as a person. Hearing his real name called shocked him, his footsteps stopping in their tracks, and to hear it said with such pain?

“You- you can’t,” Wraith swallows thickly, forcing her emotions out of the way in order to make a convincing argument. “I-“ Her words get caught in her throat. She huffs out a sigh and forces herself to continue. “You’re all I have. But I’m not all that you have,” Admitting it hurt, but it was the truth. Mirage opens his mouth to argue, but she cuts him off. “You have your mother, your friends, your fans. I only have you. I can’t let you die here knowing less would be lost if I had taken your place.”

The man stands staring at her for a moment, mouth agape. He flounders for a moment, trying to process her words. Eventually, he settles on speaking his truth. “And I couldn’t live knowing I let you.”

They’re at standstill. There is no solution to their problem. Someone has to die.

A voice announces the Ring is closing again. The gazes of the pair drift from each other to the moving wall of light trapping them here, it’s humming a somber reminder.

They squeeze each other’s hands, a final comfort in these final moments.

“We could just... not.” Mirage speaks, all grandeur in his tone long gone.

Wraith frowns. “What?”

“It’s one of us or both of us.” He shrugs with faux nonchalance, head facing the Ring.

Wraith follows his line of sight, exhaling deeply as she realises his meaning. “It won’t be quick, or painless.”

“I know.” He swallows thickly, his grip on her hands tightening ever so slightly, tearing his gaze from the wall to meet her eyes instead.

They step closer to each other, wrapped up in each other’s embrace one last time as the walls close in on them.

“I love you.” She whispers, tears marring her face once more.

“I love you, too.” He whispers back, the small smile he puts on for her trembling.

The Ring closes.

#writing this i got emotional but like reading this back im just like bitch tf were u crying for #also i totally forgot to post this #my post #my fic #mirage #wraith #mirage x wraith #miraith #apex legends

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