#shitpost writing

[alex-rambles]

S/O as a gaming glitch character would like yan Bill to play her game. Yan Bill finds out that she’s a sadistic entity only like to tormenting people for fun. She would probably drag Bill to her video game world “Welcome to my world, Bill. So glad you had finally found me. This gonna be fun, right?” S/O creepy grins and smirks darkly.

This has little to do with your request yet I thought of it so here: Bill Cipher vs Monika rap battle

Also I one hundred percent made this more of a shitpost than actual headcanons

-Oh no the tormentor has become the tormentee

-Oh no the new tormentor is more powerful than the old one

-Oh no-

-No wait he's in love with you

-o h y e s

-Bill can absolutely be a masochist under the right conditions (*cough* sock opera *cough*)

-These are those conditions

-You're probably annoyed now

-He's enjoying this too much

-He isn't tormented at all

-He's cackling and kicking his feet

-Wtf

-Now you're just gonna ignore him since that seems to bother him more than the infinite torture methods

I love the idea of some sadistic entity going to torture someone but that someone is just as much a masochist as the other is a sadist and so the plan fails lmao

#yandere bill cipher x reader #yandere gravity falls x reader #billposting #alex writes #shitpost writing

[shyrule]

Crabs and wild

coming up with this on the spot so let's go-

A refreshing ocean breeze swept Hyrule's hair as he walked the stretch of sand towards Wild.

"Hey, Wild! are you- hey, what are you doing?" Hyrule approached Wild slowly, coming up beside him and crouching to mimic the champion's stealthy stance. The champion had his bow drawn, loaded with a shock arrow, despite the area being perfectly calm and distinctly monster free. Unless there's one of those sand beasts! But then, there isn't really enough sand for that...

Wild, his hands occupied with his bow, replied verbally: raspy and hushed. "Hunting."

"Huh?!"

Hyrule's eyes wandered, following Wild's aim, noticing the cast of crabs congregating in a shallow pool about 50 yards away. Hyrule looked back to Wild.

"But you've only got one arrow! You'll take one down and the rest'll scurry off!" Hyrule exclaimed in a loud whisper, hands fluttering for emphasis.

Wild said nothing, instead letting the arrow loose towards his targets.

The arrow looked as though it would not make contact with a single crab but instead land slap bang in the centre of the cast. Hyrule's face fell slightly. Then, as quickly as it fell, Hyrule's expression was replaced with one of both shock and awe.

On contact with the salt-rich pool, the arrowhead shattered completely and engulfed the surrounding area in a ring of violent current.

The crabs stood perfectly still for a few seconds, then fell.

"Oh!"

Wild stood, dusting sand off of his knees, turning to Hyrule. He signed.

'Hurry - before the gulls steal them.'

Hyrule nodded, quickly standing and jogging lightly to catch up with Wild who'd now already started walking towards his prey.

~~~

Some of the crabs had still been twitching when the two heroes approached, but none of them gave any indication that they'd be running off any time soon.

Hyrule knelt down, reaching for one of the freshly zapped crustaceans with one arm.

"You know, I'll have to remember that one," He raised his free hand, electrical pulses sparking from the tips of his fingers, "how did you even come up with that, anyway?"

Just as he reached for another of the presumably dead arthropods, the crab beneath his hand jerked, snipping at his fingers. He zapped it a little more for good measure.

"Be careful! Some of these are still-"

Wild hissed.

"-alive..."

Hyrule looked over to his champion companion to see him shaking his hand, blood trickling from his thumb and forefinger, and mouthing obscenities as a shiny blue crab scuttled into the depths of the pool and out of view. Looks like he knows that already...

#shitpost writing #let's gooooo!! #this was the first thing i came up with #and i couldn't think of how to make it solely wild so hyrule is here too #also haven't refined it AT ALL #but that's also kinda the point #ANYWAY #WILD AND HYRULE #didn't know how to end it so it just kinda cut off

[giganfan03]

How to Eat a Lot of Food and Still Feel Great

I love food. I absolutely love it!

Contrary to what you might think, the key to staying thin and beautiful is actually to eat more food and not less.

I know, it seems crazy, but it isn’t the more you think about it!

Essentially what is going on in your body is like, a ton of workers and they are trying to work so that your body, the machine, can function. But if these workers aren’t fed then they can’t work as well and make the machine function as well as it should. So you have to make sure the body can have enough fuel so all the little workers can do their job.

We live in a time where the minimum wage is going up and that is a good thing. So raise the minimum wage of your little workers!

My day to day diet is pretty consistent but I really try to make it a good eating experience every time.

I will start the day with a cup of black coffee so my body can have some energy, I then will get on a treadmill and walk for an hour at the highest incline option.

While I work on staying fit and healthy, my maids will be preparing my breakfast.

My sweet, sweet, maid will work all through the night to prepare a fresh bone broth for me in the morning. She’s my maid but she also does some cooking which is really nice of her considering we don’t really pay her nearly as much as we pay my personal chef but she still does it. I think she is afraid of losing her job or something but she makes quite a good broth.

Calories are important! To make sure that my body can keep up with the vigorous amounts of work I’m doing I try to consume as many as 200 calories a day!

After my breakfast of a cup of bone broth and a cup of coffee I will start working. I can browse Twitter for hours and after a while, you get pretty hungry! Working on creating a good image for yourself on the internet can be tiring, so by lunchtime my tummy starts telling me it needs more food.

Lunch is a big bowl of my favorite smoothie! I take water and ice and I blend them with a little bit of xanthan gum for thickening and some extra nutrients. I can eat this smoothie bowl all day. It is absolutely to die for!

I get a lot of compliments on my body and it makes me so happy but I just need all the girls of the world to know you really have to take care of yourself to look this good. Like I said before, it’s eating food that keeps you healthy, not avoiding it.

After I’m done with my remaining work I like to go for a little run. It’s just a nice activity to clear my mind. I will run around my property for about 45 minutes or until the joints in my elbows start to hurt.

I may sit on the couch and watch some TV for a little bit before my personal chef makes me dinner: Chocolate coconut macaroon french toast! I have a bit of a sweet tooth so this is just the perfect way to end my night, dinner and desert all in one!

You may be asking yourself how a woman like me can even manage to eat all this and y’know what, it’s just part of my life. After a while your stomach makes room to accommodate your diet so eating all this good food really just makes me feel good and I don’t even notice how full I am. I’m a growing girl and I need my fuel. Thanks GQ for taking some time and allowing me to talk about my wonderful meals of the day!

#shitpost #shitposting #writing #writer #writerblr #comedy #comedic writing #satire #diet #funny #personal essay #tips and tricks #diet tips and tricks #diet tips #shitpost writing #literature

[madame-helen]

#meme #memes #shitpost #shitposting #humor #funny #lol #satire #funny memes #funny humor #funny meme #comedy #writing prompt #writing #lotr #lord of the rings #tolkien #irony #joke #parody #wholesome memes

[manicpixiedckgirl]

#shitpost #bsky #tweet #lotr #writing

[live-from-flaturn]

"But you already wrote that trope."

#fanfic #fanfiction #fanfics #fanfic culture #tropes #fanfic tropes #its my blorbo and he'll suffer how I want him to #blorbo disc horse #fanfic meme #fanfic author shitpost #writing meme

[elodieunderglass]

changes and trends in horror-genre films are linked to the anxieties of the culture in its time and place. Vampires are the manifestation of grappling with sexuality; aliens, of foreign influence. Horror from the Cold War is about apathy and annihilation; classic Japanese horror is characterised by “nature’s revenge”; psychological horror plays with anxieties that absorbed its audience, like pregnancy/abortion, mental illness, femininity. Some horror presses on the bruise of being trapped in a situation with upsetting tasks to complete, especially ones that compromise you as a person - reflecting the horrors and anxieties of capitalism etc etc etc. Cosmic horror is slightly out of fashion because our culture is more comfortable with, even wistful for, “the unknown.” Monster horror now has to be aware of itself, as a contingent of people now live in the freedom and comfort of saying “I would willingly, gladly, even preferentially fuck that monster.” But I don’t know much about films or genres: that ground has been covered by cleverer people.

I don’t actually like horror or movies. What interests me at the moment is how horror of the 2020s has an element of perception and paying attention.

Multiple movies in one year discussed monsters that killed you if you perceived them. There are monsters you can’t look at; monsters that kill you instantly if you get their attention. Monsters where you have to be silent, look down, hold still: pray that they pass over you. M Zombies have changed from a hand-waved virus that covers extras in splashy gore, to insidious spores. A disaster film is called Don’t Look Up, a horror film is called Nope. Even trashy nun horror sets up strange premises of keeping your eyes fixed on something as the devil GETS you.

No idea if this is anything. (I haven’t seen any of these things because, unfortunately, I hate them.) Someone who understands better than me could say something clever here, and I hope they do.

But the thing I’m thinking about is what this will look like to the future, as the Victorian sex vampires and Cold War anxieties look to us. I think they’ll have a little sympathy, but they probably won’t. You poor little prey animals, the kids will say, you were awfully afraid of facing up to things, weren’t you?

#this is the sort of observation I make here that people #go off and write their thesis about #so while I’m not expecting to be the first or cleverest person to say this #if you do use it as a springboard #tell me if you get a good grade ok? #I’ll be tremendously proud of you #like if you take a shitpost and use it to craft deep attentive thought on something important #I just think that’s probably the most noble use of a human brain #it makes me want to take off my hat and slam it to the ground in inexpressible emotion #it’s a cowboy hat btw #and I say something like GOLDURN IT THAT KID SURE HAS DELIVERED. #ok so don’t deny me this #especially if you correct me after a long research journey #GOLDURN IT THE KID IS RIGHT!

[cryptixotic]

Be real with me. You're sitting in a bar and a 𝔴𝔞𝔯𝔩𝔬𝔯𝔡 𝔬𝔣 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔰𝔢𝔞 with a massive sword rams into the door. Do you or do you not laugh

#one piece #dracule mihawk #one piece live action #i wasn't planning on posting this but a good old shitpost is always enjoyable in a while #can you believe i've been writing with a fountain pen my whole life yet i am the most mediocre calligrapher to bless this earth ?

[existennialmemes]

Christmas Movie, but it's from the perspective of Jesus Christ, who sneaks back to Earth, and is immediately confused why everyone is celebrating his birthday in December.

He wanders into a Megachurch on accident, thinking it was a mini mall, and hears an evangelist (who lives in a mansion) taking the Lord's name in Vain to guilt donations out of people. Then he gets arrested for rushing the stage and beating that guy with a whip.

A significant chunk of the movie is just his elaborate escape from prison, wherein he starts a riot upon learning how cruelly the prisoners are treated by a blasphemous carceral system.

The movie ends with him using God Magic on the president of the US, and being formally declared the Anti Christ by the Catholic Church

#shitpost #shitposting #war on christmas #anti christianity #anti usa #prison abolition #my text #my writing

[foone]

Bad idea: Age gap discourse but in a fantasy land where there's multiple races who have vastly different lifespans and life styles.

Is it wrong for a 27 year old human to date a 140 year old stone elf, considering most stone elves don't get out of diapers till their 30s?

Is it wrong for a 80 year old dwarf to date a two year old fire wisp, when fire wisps only live up to 5 years (between the eruptions) and have memories of their past lives, so in a way they're "born" at age 400,000+? That octogenarian dwarf is way younger than the fire wisp that's only physically younger than some of the socks the dwarf has!

Is it wrong for a chronomancer who was never born to date, well, anyone? They are zero years old and infinity years old and negative one hundred and seventeen years old all at once. They look like an old human, sure, with the long white beard and the wrinkly skin, but as far as anyone can tell, they've always looked like that. We've seen the cave paintings.

Is it wrong for a 30 year old lizardman (that's old in lizardman years) to date a human who is 60 years old in biological years (because of aging spells), 26 years old in lived-experience years, but only 13 years old in calendar years? (ie, they were born 13 years ago, but spent some of that time in sideways timelines, so they've lived more years than have passed in their home timeline?)

Is it wrong for a 12,000 year old dragon date a pile of 400 kobolds when kobolds only live like 10 years on average, but reach full maturity in one year? And if you disagree, can you do anything about it? You do know what happened to the last policeman who tried to arrest a dragon, right? Their city is still smoldering, 50 years later.

Is it wrong for anyone to date the time worm? It's the same age, every year. So the age gap can only intensify. If you start dating the time worm when you're both the same age, when do you break it off because you've become too much older than them?

And most confusing of all... What about the fairies? They could be anything between a thousand and a day old, they would lie about their age either way, and they can look like whatever they want. There's fairies we know for a fact have been around since the founding of The City of Towers, who met the silent mother herself, and also look like they're at most ten years old. Is it wrong to date them, or just really uncomfortable for everyone who sees it? And on the other side there's fairies who are "born" (hatched? They come from plants, I'm not sure what the verb even would be. Seeded? Sprouted, maybe) this week who are already appearing like middle-aged men and dancing with widows in what looks like a scheme to run off with her fortune but they never take the money, because what would a fairy want with worthless metal discs? Maybe fairies have a hive mind or genetic memory or reincarnation with full memories, they'd never tell you or give you a straight (or consistent) answer anyway.

Stonefolk are really the only inter-race dating situation anyone can agree on. They're unthinking & unmoving solid rock during the day, so those hours don't count. Thus their "real age" is a nice even half of their true age. So if you meet a stonefolk who was dug out 30 years ago, watch out: that's a 15 year old, and if you're a 25 year human, that's too young for you, even though their dig-date is five years before your birth-date.

EDIT: 2024/01/12: Changed the name of the Stonefolk

#Age gap discourse shitposting #One hundred and one magical pistols #Technically #My writing

[fruit-teeth]

Me: maybe I’m not cut out to be a writer…idk what if I’m not good enough

BookTok romance writers: ‘what if you were just a normal school teacher…but the MINOTAUR wanted to get you PREGNANT’

#i know I’ve made posts like this before but like #it amazes me #I’ve never used tiktok but I find this shit hilarious #just me things #text post #writing #booktok cringe #shitpost #this isn’t a real book btw I made this up

[magnusbae]

To illustrate this post by @mayahawkse I would like to visualize to you the difference:

A post in 2023:

A post in 2014:

A zoom out of the same post:

This is what a community looks like.

See how in 2023 almost all of the reblogs come from the OP, from their few hours/days in the tag search. Meanwhile in 2014 the % of reblogs from OP is insignificant, because most of the reblogs come from the reblogs within the fandom, within the micro-communities formed there. You didn't need to rely on tags, or search, or being featured. Because the community took care of you, made sure to pass the work between themselves and onto their blog and exposed their followers to it. It kept works alive for years.

It's not JUST the reblog/like ratio that causing this issue, it's the type of interaction people have. They're content with scrolling and liking the search engine, instead of actually having a reblogging relationship with other blogs in their community.

Anyways, if you want to see more content you like, the only true way to make it happen is to reblog it. Likes do not forward content in no way but making OP feel nice. Reblogs on the other hand make content eternal. They make it relevant, they make it exist outside of a fickle tumblr search that hardly works on the best of days.

If you want more of something, reblog it.

#i said i wont ever rant about this bc it's unseemly but HONESTLY. #you simply cannot complain about not having enough of A or B or C and then never reblog / interact with the content you love. #If you LOVE something you cannot just leave a like and silently wait for more to happen #I know countless of content creators that simply stopped doing art/writing fic/making edits #You need to understand that fandom content is made FOR the fandom FOR the engagement FOR the entertainment and fun it makes. #If a content creator does not have fun IN the fandom-- why would they spend the scares free time they have on making this content? #And we're not talking about things that you don't like-- no one expects you to reblog things you don't like. #However I think it's safe to say that when a post has more than 5k it's not some random shitpost with no value. #tumblr issues #tumblr #content creators #buns.txt #something something please don't starve your local clowns

[athenswrites]

Courtesy of @narcosene on twit

#writeblr #writing #Athens shitposting

[a-teacup-of-golden-cracks]

I'm incredibly hot and I use this power almost solely to fulfill my ultimate fetish

#the jolly writings #how has this post broken containment I didn't even tag it #but I will now #nsft #topposting #trans nsft #nonbinary nsft #lgbt nsft #196 #bottomposting #shitpost

[cherrygazette]

i love studying. i love writing. i love reading. i love learning languages. i love doing mathematics. i love wandering over some particular sum and trying to come up with formulas to solve it. i love physics. i love biology. i love chemistry. i love history. i love literature. i love learning.

not to achieve the perfect grades ever. but it just amazes me that there's so much to know and learn and write and read about in the universe. my curiosity wouldn't get enough of it.

#random #aesthetic #literature #light academia #academia #academia aesthetic #dark academia #moodboard #shitpost #moodboards dark academia #moodboards aesthetic #aesthetic moodboards #my moodboards #my moodboard #moodboard aesthetic #dark academia moodboard #dark academic aesthetic #dark moodboard #romantic academia #academia moodboard #history #mathematics #science #knowledge #books #write #studying aesthetic #studyblr #chaotic academic aesthetic

[hoolay-boobs]

Embrace the silliness. Embrace the meaningfulness.

#memes #tumblr memes #art #art meme #writing #writblr #writeblr #writeblur #artblr #artblur #fanfiction #fanfic #stay silly :3 #wholesome memes #shitpost #meaningful art #embrace silliness #sillyposting #silly #wholesome meme #mine #my memes #real #true