#please. pls read it i am desperate for interaction

[ninja-kitty-more-like-no]

Chapters: 10/? Fandom: Lego Ninjago Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Cole/Kai/Jay Walker/Zane Characters: Cole (Ninjago), Kai (Ninjago), Zane (Ninjago), Lloyd Garmadon, Jay Walker, Nya (Ninjago), Cole's Mother (Ninjago), Original Characters Additional Tags: Child Death, cancer mention, Tags to be added, Body Horror, Mother-Son Relationship, Texting, Horror, bad relationships, not between our boys tho, Magic, Implied/Referenced Abuse, AGAIN ITS NOT OUR BOYS B SAFE THO, Memory Loss, vex is his own warning, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Ideation Summary:

av·a·tar /ˈavəˌtär/ noun noun: avatar; plural noun: avatars 1. an incarnation, embodiment, or manifestation of a person or idea.

WHATS UP GANG. BE SUBJECTED TO MY FUCKING UHHHHHHHHHHHHHH NINJAGO HORROR FANFICTION IN THIS, THE YEAR OF OUR LORD 2022

#ninjago #thats right puttin it in the main tag #im gonna die here #my writing #please. pls read it i am desperate for interaction

[acrux-jr]

Okay Im rusty with my writing, and ive only seen like 512 episodes of one piece, but I do know some of the spoliers pls go easy on me 😭

NSFW/ 18+ ONLY

MINORS PLS DO NOT INTERACT-

Aokiji has been on my mind lately. ngl mans is fine as hell. The characters are not as canon as I would like, but 🤷🏻‍♀️ I am working on a 2nd chapter pls lmk if you guys want it.

Not beta read- hope you enjoy!

*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*

You sighed as the man you love started to freeze you. The past memories came back.

-

You started off as his subordinate. On your first meeting with the rest of your crew that was transferred, he waved and left to take a nap. He infuriated you. To you he was lazy.

Somehow that same day you bumped into you falling as the 7ft man towered over you.

"Arara, my bad Miss …"

You glared at him and started to pick up the paperwork, "Last name is _ Admiral Aokiji." He hummed and picked up 2 documents by his feet.

He handed them to you and gave a quick wave. By the grace of god you were promoted to Vice Admiral. Picking up his slack, which was almost always.

The relationship between you turned teasing somehow. It started with sarcastic remarks under your breath and him smirking when he heard them.

He would sleep at his desk while you did his paperwork, something that was the normal routine for the two of you.

Kizaru always jokes when he invites you for a night cap, that there was more between you two, which you would laugh off. "The thought couldn't be more unfathomable." Was your reply. He shrugged and muttered to himself, "Wouldn't be surprising." His wife and him would share a look but left it at that.

Kuzan would be little more in your presence when he caught wind every time you went to Kizaru. Clingy in a way but you never thought much of it.

"So Dove let's go have a nightcap together." Oh that infuriating nickname got on your nerves but you kept calm. Moreover you were shocked, but nodded yes.

Well Kizaru wasn't wrong about that there was something more you felt you never would have imagined that Kuzan liked you back.

Aokiji was lazy, a smartass, and so fucking hot. His sarcastic remarks and playful banter, when he would have energy, made you fall for him a little more. When he had a shit eating grin leaving his work to you to leave and nap made you tingle.

"Arara you're so wet for me already F/N." He looked you over with lust filled eyes. You bit your lip and looked away with your cheeks stained. He grabbed your chin and kissed you. He kissed your neck and trailed down. He cooled tongue and battled against your heat slicked pussy. You groaned and bucked your hips.

"Ad- Admiral-"

"None of that now, no need for titles in bed Dove."

"Aokiji! Please."

"Hmm Kuzan my little dove. You're so desperate to have my cock inside you huh?" You nodded feverishly.

"I want you to fuck me Kuzan."

"Arara there's the spitfire I know. So demanding."

You gave a grin at that. He picked you up easily and leaned on the headboard. "I want you to work for it."

You rolled your eyes, "You're just too lazy to continue." He huffed out a laugh.

You slowly eased on his cock. He watched you hungrily as you inch by inch took him. He groaned once you bottomed out. "Fuck tight." Was all he was able to utter and you rose up and slammed down. You fucked yourself on his dick, feeling the the pressure in you lower stomach. Your pace quickened but he held you still.

"So impatient F/N. Enjoy the ride a little more." You looked down at him through half lidded eyes.

"Please Kuzan, make me cum. Then fill me up with yours." In the moment Aokiji wanted to have you face down and ass up as he rearranged your guts. He kept cool though, his dick twitched inside you.

"Hmm you sure know how to make a man weak." You gigled.

The time you two fought after fighting with the white beard. Unbeknownst to him, you had encountered the strawhats before him, letting them go but you were close to one particular straw hat before joining the marines.

"It was wrong!" You hissed.

"It is my job."

"Your job is to help maintain justice! Not make up rules of what you think is justice."

"You should know better than anyone that that is what we do."

"Like killing your best friend for trying to save a child? Or killing an entire island because of ancient text reading abilities?"

He froze, his aloofness gone. "How do you know that?"

You turned away. "The fight was gruesome and all the casualties were unnecessary. And you wanted it to continue to catch straw hat."

You had agreed with Coby, it was too much death and the "justice" was out of control.

"I'm an Admiral L/N." You stiffen at the usage of your last name.

"Of course, your duty comes before actual justice." With that you slammed the door of his office and left, to hell with the rest of work. What were they gonna do? Demote you? Good riddance.

Your relationship was tense after that. It started to thaw and blossom again until the fight with Admiral Akuinu. When he awoke you cried in relief. That night he wanted you to ride him in his hospital bed. You were, of course, appalled but complied nonetheless when everyone went home.

The week after that he was gone. He left a letter saying he couldn't do it anymore, your relationship, the new fleet Admiral, and his wayward justice.

Kizaru was there to help you pick up the pieces. Him and his wife would check on you on your days off, she would constantly fuzz over you. You and Kizaru had a friendship of silence and understanding.

Coby was there for you too. He was a sweet boy who would do great things. You hoped that his sense of justice and understanding never changed.

When you gave birth 9 months later you gave birth to a beautiful little girl. She has light brown skin and light brown curly hair. She was perfect.

You requested more time off and raised her, with the help of Kizaru's wife and Kizaru of course. Coby was her uncle. And Robin knew who her father was upon seeing her. But she did not cast her fathers sins upon her. You had helped Robin as a young girl running. Giving her a place to stay and eat before she got up and left again, it was too dangerous.

By some miracle you met again again as a rookie in the marines. You were off duty. You talked and talked. It was nice to hear she was alive.

By that time you kept in frequent touch.

You were appointed to the new world for a mission. It was quick, to get intel and after that it would be your last mission.

Smoker called you into his office. "Kuzan will be the enemy for this mission F/N. He saved me during the Doflamingo incident, he's still alive and with the Black Beard pirates." Your heart stopped.

You were silent. But nodded your head.

"Be careful please. Kiki still needs at least one parent."

"I have the calm calm fruit. I'll be quick and silent. Not engaging Smoker." He nodded. You two grew closer in the past months.

"Be careful F/N."

You gave a small smile and left.

"You shouldn't have come."

"You got this Aokiji?" Black beard laughed. He nodded and his "crew" started to leave. "Hurry up, we'll be on the ship."

The two of you were left on the snowy island.

-

"Her name is Kiki." He slowed down the ice. He saw the tears streaming down. "Goodbye Aokiji Kuzan." She accepted her fate. And the ice fully enclosed her.

He cursed. He got her transponder snail. "Smoker."

"Kuzan?"

"I have F/N here frozen. She took too many injuries so I froze her to stop the bleeding. Thaw her out and have a doctor on stand by."

"YOU COWARD! YOU MIGHT HAVE SAVED MY ASS BACK THEN BUT I SWEAR- TASHIGI HEAD BACK TO THE ISLAND F/N ON."

The responder clicked. He left it on her shoulder and froze it. He replayed one of last words. 'Kiki. Well fuck.'

You gasped as you woke up. "F/N." Koby was there with Kiki who was fast asleep. Koby's yelling did nothing to wake her. Your head was pounding and your body ached. You fell right back to an unconscious state.

After a month-long recovery, you resigned. You had enough money saved since you were just taking care of yourself till recently. All you did was save.

You went and bought a home for you and your daughter. Kizaru and his wife Takako would often come on by, as well as Koby, and Smoker, with Tashigi every now and then.

Two years had passed after. Kuzan spotted the light blue house on the shore. There were blue salvias around the house, kind of like a fence.

He saw a little girl running outside with her doll. He slowly walked up the hill. The little girl had her into 2 little puffs. She looked up at the man walking on the road towards their house.

She furrowed her eyebrows and ran inside. "Mama ! There's a man on the road to the house!"

She ran up to you, who was on the phone with Kizaru.

She faintly heard him say "time."

"I gotta go Kizaru, you and Takako can come visit whenever."

You rushed to Kili, "Stay here sweetie. I'll be back." The three year old nodded. You rushed to the door, only to be met with the man that broke your heart, the father of your child, your former Admiral, Aokiji Kuzan.

You activated your bubble. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

He rubbed the back of his neck. "You think after making me fall in love with you, breaking my heart and leaving me, breaking my heart again and almost KILLING ME you get to waltz over here as if it didn't happen?"

He hung his head. You were fuming. Upon looking at him you noticed he had a black eye and his arm was in a cast. You furrowed your eyebrows, who was strong enough to kick his ass?

"F/n. I know. I am sorry. I left to protect you. I had to do this mission my own way with my own sense of justice, and in order for me to do that I had to leave everything, in-including you, the person I loved."

Your eyes watered but you didn't want to waste anymore tears on this man.

"So that makes it okay?"

"No, of course not."

"Why are you here?"

"To apologize. To see our daughter."

"Our daughter? The one you left before she was born?"

"I didn't know she existed Dove."

"Oh don't you fucking call me that Aokiji." You said his name mockingly. He winced, wrong move.

"F/n. Please, I didn't-I know I fucked up. But I came to you to beg for forgiveness. You are the love of my life and we made a child together. I needed to do this, to keep you safe."

You felt like you were shaking with anger, you probably were. "Aokiji Kuzan you are a heartless man incapable of loving. You left me and then you almost killed me. I will not let you near my child. You have shown your goals were more important and I will not have my daughter be second to a fucking construct. Leave."

"No."

"Excuse me?"

"I am not going to leave a second time."

The bubble around you started to harden. Kuzan stepped back to be met to the end of your bubble. You stepped back and the bubble let you out. Kuzan on the other hand was stuck.

He tried to freeze the bubble to break it, but it seemed like that just made it more durable.

You went and picked up the responder snail. "Mama who is that?" You stiffened. You scooped her up and took her to her bedroom.

"Stay right here little Dovey I'll be right back. That's mamas old friend."

"Okay mama."

You gave her a kiss on her head. And walked down to the end of the stairs. You sat on them and you realized Kuzan gave up and was laying down.

Fucking typical.

"Moshi moshi!"

"Why the fucking is Kuzan at my door step?"

Kuzan winced, he gave a weak chuckle. "While after I broke the arm that he used to freeze you with and then after Smoker suckered punch him. We um gave him your address."

"Why?"

You could hear his shrug,"He wanted to apologize, and with him weakened by us we knew he wouldn't try anything. Plus Smoker is on your island just in case." You went to the window and saw him and someone else on the shore.

"So you broke his arm for me?"

"Of course. I would've broken the other one too but the man is also down a leg if you haven't noticed so…"

You huffed out an inappropriate laugh. "Well thanks, I'll call you later. Oh and I'm calling Takako to kill you." You heard the groan and hung up. You sighed.

The bubble popped and Kuzan fell on his back. He hit it with a soft thud and grunted.

"Okay you've apologized can you leave." You've made the bubble again.

"No."

"Oh you stubborn, lazy, jackass!" He wanted to grin, you riled up was always so cute and sexy. But he knew if he did you would somehow kill him.

"I know."

"Oh you know? And yet here you are still lazy, stubborn, and a spoiled pain in my ass!"

He just nodded. "Ugh say something you asshat!"

He huffed out a laugh, "Asshat?"

You gave him a blank stare. "Sorry, never heard it like that. It was quite funny "

You rolled your eyes. "Yeah I'm quite the fucking comedian."

Okay, this could go either 2 ways for Kuzan. Him on the floor dead or him on the floor close to death as you ride him and suxk the life out of him.

He was jack shit wrong, but he could dream.

"Did you finish whatever goal that was so important to leave everything and everyone behind?"

"Yes."

You hummed.

"How old is she?"

"3 years and 3 months."

"What's her favorite color?"

You glared at him, "Blue."

"Does-does she know about me?"

"Yes. You have your glasses and a different bandanna so it didn't register to her since she's only seen pictures."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sure you are."

You grabbed the responder snail again. "F/n."

"You and Tashigi can leave now Smokes. I'm fine."

"Are you sure you want him around? Say the word F/n, and Tashigi and I will kill him for you."

A laugh came out of you as Tashigi agreed. "Thank you for that generosity but I'm fine."

"Okay just checking. Call us when you want us over with Barsalino and Takako."

"Will do."

Silence hung in the bubble before you heard a soft knocking to your left. Kiki was there. It finally clicked for her. "I'm going to keep you in the bubble." Before he could protest, you stepped out of the bubble.

She signaled up. Which you obliged. "Is that him?" She whispered.

You smiled as she still had a hard time understanding your devil fruit. "Yes, that's him."

"Can I meet him?"

"Do you want to?"

Kiki stared into Kuzans eyes,and slowly nodded her head. You let the bubble burst. You stood in front of Kuzan.

"Kuzan, this is our daughter Kiki. Kiki, this is your father."

#kuzan x reader #aokiji x reader #aokiji #one piece #yn #x reader #admiral aokiji

[dungeonpuppykai]

OMG PROUD NO MORE IS THE HOTTEST THING IVE EVER READ PART 2 pls im on my knees

AHHHH! I am so glad you liked it! Since requests aren't open and I cannot do a drabble or oneshot rn, here's a little something I whipped up. Sorry if you had something specific in mind (you can always talk about it 🥴)

Note: This is a part 2-ish headcanon of my ABO oneshot Proud No More.

Warning(s): Dub-con, dark enhanced!Alpha Steve, Alpha!Reader, mean!Steve and dark stuff. Browse at your own discretion. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT.

After the events of part 1, Y/n remains curled in his legs on the floor after cleaning up and bringing everyone their drinks. 

Steve is drinking his as he discusses the sport on the tv with the other Alphas.

She whimpers each time their eyes meet, him sitting on the couch with his legs spread, her snuggled up to them underneath him. 

Her whole body is wrapped around his but he is not touching her at all.

His blue eyes are so cold to the puppy eyes she is looking at him with. 

He knows it. 

He can see it.

Smell it.

She wants it.

Needs him.

Inside.

So, so bad.

Y/n spends the remainder of the time peppering soft apologetic kisses to his knees, legs and thighs, hoping to earn some mercy.

Because Steve is the worst when it came to denying her where she needs him most. 

Which is his go to punishment for her besides spanking. 

She doesn't even care about the rest of the pack looking at her anymore. 

Pleasing him so he would fuck her pussy numb is the only objective on her mind now.

But Steve doesn't falter.

The Alpha Supreme is a master of endurance.

She's so desperate by the time they finally leave the packhouse and walk towards his vintage Camaro. 

Her eyes are glossy and lips only slightly pouty (because Steve doesn't tolerate brats and she's trying her best to not piss him off more than she already has) when he orders her to go over to get inside with a brief nod towards the vehicle.

She whines just a little, trying to move his hand (that she's desperately holding tight between both of hers) towards her aching core. 

Yes, she forgets all rationality when she's needy. 

What is remaining of her bottoms is covered in a wet mess of her slick and his cum. 

But one sharp look from Steve has her scurrying away to the backseat, not wanting another punishment.

Whenever Y/n acts out, she loses the passenger Princess privilege. 

Because Alpha doesn't like to look at sorry misbehaving puppies.

So she's sniffling and hiccupping as she moves to the back of the car before settling her very sore ass on the seat.

Her head lowers itself as her cheeks burn in humiliation.

He has a way of making her feel so small and pathetic.

Her form feels so tiny against the leather seat right now.

As if she's nothing but a small kicked puppy.

Fuck.

She can not decide if it's the inferior Alpha in her or if she actually feels sorry. 

But all her senses are wrenching with regret.

The stunt was completely unnecessary and not worth it at all.

She's quiet and ashamed behind him, pulling her best sorry puppy expression. 

The Superior Alpha starts the car and drives it off the porch onto the main road.

It is after a few minutes that her whimpers start to get louder to try and attract his attention.

Needy eyes shoot pleading glances up at the blonde man, knowing that he can feel them through the bond.

Steve continues to ignore her, still irritated by the antic she pulled in the packhouse. 

It will take her days of worship and cocksucking to make him happy again.

It always does.

He is very hard to please. 

Until then, the Supreme Alpha will, no doubt, be even stricter than usual.

Calling her out on the smallest of slip ups, punishing her for even breathing the wrong way, denying her as much physical touch as possible (she doesn't like to admit it but the puppy in her is always making her pathetically cuddle into one of his limbs). 

The cruelest cold shoulder. 

It has happened before.

And only Y/n is to blame for it happening again.

Yes, no matter what Steve does to her, she always dry orgasms. 

It is just the effect he has on her.

But nothing compares to his touch down there. 

Nothing, no orgasm, ever satisfies her more than the one his cock fucks out of her. 

And until she can have one of those, she can neither think nor function right. 

On days when she has to face denial as a consequence of her own actions, his dick is all she can think about. 

Even if she refuses to admit it.

That is where the punishment aspect comes in. 

Steve knows how hopeless her body is for his touch.

24/7.

She can lie to herself all she wants.

But Y/n cannot change the effect the bond has on her.

And that's exactly why he uses her everywhere but in her pussy following an episode of her acting out.

The begging, sobbing, kneeling, writhing, hissing, worshipping and trembling for his mercy strokes his ego in the best way.

Nothing makes him harder than all the promises she desperately makes.

All the ungodly things he makes her say.

Because she gets so cock starved during these punishments that she is always willing to do whatever he wants in the end.

Anything at all. 

Just so he would fuck her like the puppy that she is.

Fuck her until she has basically lost consciousness.

Only to make her thank him once she comes back up.

Every time. 

How her pride gradually breaks down.

Peeling away from her stiff form like the clothes that he makes her strip out of. 

There is no better sight or feeling.

To him, that state looks the best on her.

She's so fragile and vulnerable for him then.

It is perfect. 

She is perfect.

When she is proud no more.

Compliant and respectful on her knees. 

Stroking his ego and kissing his feet.

Steve smirks to himself as he turns a corner, refusing to look at the crying mess of drool and cum hanging by his seat.

He has turned a deaf ear to her pleads. 

But his monstrous knot is so worked up by how she's doing her best to remain as silent as possible because she is not allowed to be loud especially when interacting with her Alpha. 

Yet, every part of her body is aching for him (he can feel it through their bond) so bad that she cannot stop the begging even if she wants to. 

It is impossible for her to sit silently (as is expected of her).

Thus piling more and more punishment for herself.

Steve is not complaining though.

#ask kai #anon love #steve rogers #steve rogers smut #dark!steve rogers smut #dark!steve rogers x reader #dark!steve rogers x y/n #dark!steve smut #dark!steve x reader #dark!steve rogers #dark!steve x you #dark!marvel #steve rogers imagine #steve rogers x you #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x oc #steve rodgers x reader #steve x reader #steve rogers x smut #steve rogers x y/n #steve rodgers imagine #steve rodgers smut

[jazzyderaoz]

This is a strictly 18+ blog

You must have your age stated in your bio to follow/interact. I will block minors instantly + add you to ban list for the foreseeable future. In addition I will block and permanently ban any nasty little pisstakers. I don’t engage with human slimes of any kind; inc but not limited to: radfems, lgbtq+ exclusionists (any variety), phobes, maps, abusers or anyone I take a disliking to inc boundary stompers.

psst…. (Deraoz is pronounced /Dee-ray/os-z/)

Hey I’m Jasper, (but Jas, Jazz or Jazzy works too-if you’re feeling brave.)

My pronouns are he/him. I’m a queer transmasc guy from the UK.

~~~

Some stuff about me:

I’m 26, been dominating for around 5 years now, but topping a little longer. I almost exclusively top, but I have and do make exceptions to that rule when I’m in the mood, though it doesn’t happen often.

I’ll be posting mostly t4t content here, I’m bi, though I’m especially attracted to transmascs/transmen.

Physically I’m masc-presenting. I’m genderqueer and male-aligned. I still possess my natal genitals. My personal style tends to be jeans/t-shirts/denim or leather jackets. I’d call myself a guy, a boy, a queer, a mess, a dumbass-

I’m a kickboxer, it’s important to me to maintain my strength and stamina (😏) and it’s euphoric for me as to maintain a masculine build. Know that when I talk about manhandling my subs, I am usually more than capable of doing so whatever their size.

I love to dom but outside of that I’m soft as anything, love to cuddle, love taking really good care of my subs. Love being a protector type x

If you send me an ask I’ll almost certainly flirt with you, can’t help myself tbh - but I’ll take the lead from you as to how nsfw your ask is. Totally sfw question, fair enough I’ll be real with you. Tell me you’re wet and want me to fuck you? My reply gonna be horny as hell so be prepared for that…

I’m big on pet names. If you don’t want me to call you something in particular (in an ask for example) please let me know. Pet names I use most often are baby(boy), honey, sweetheart and darling - I also like to call my subs lovely/little___ etc.

My aim here is to get you as hot and bothered as possible. I love to get sent asks, any dirty little fantasy baby, I want to hear it.

~~~

Keep Reading for Kinks / Hard Boundaries etc.

🟢 Kinks & Turn-ons: 🟢

-> Praise (me@you)

-> Hair Pulling / Bruising / Rough Play

-> Size Difference

-> Desperation/Edging

-> Humiliation

-> Manhandling and Restraint

🔻Some Boundaries:🔻

🔸 Please don’t send any asks/prompts trying to top me unless you’ve asked first, I’m picky about it lol.

🔸 No petplay - related asks in my inbox pls. I won’t block you but I won’t reply to them either.

🔸 Hard limits resulting in me blocking you should you feel the need to try to include me in them; - -> noncon, piss/scat, ageplay, high intensity masochism/sadism (verbal abuse/HI spanking esp) - (lower intensity/softer I'm occasionally up for - I'll spank you with my hand just not a riding crop lmao)

🔸Content Masterlist:🔸 (🔞)

Writings: 💛 - longer writings || 🧡 - shorter thoughts

💛 on my lap, riding my cock

🧡 want to suck on tdick so bad

🧡 get on the fucking bed

💛 desperate little mess

🧡 tiny little boytoys

🧡 aftercare (softjazz) - sfw

💛 messy little plaything

💛 manhandling + semi-rough use

🧡 humping, pinned against the wall

💛 pull my hair and fuck my mouth

——— ——— ——— ——— ———

Tags:

#tag:softjazz - (For yearnings/soft postings)

#tag:manhandling

#tag:sizedifference

#tag:edging

#tag:asks

#tag:jazzyrealtalk - (For actually saying shit/opposed to just straight up hornyposting lmao)

——— ——— ——— ——— ———

Anon Tags:

#anon:🌻

#anon:🕸️

#anon:🐝

#anon:💙

#anon:🏝️

#anon:✨

Credit for dividers here

#pinned intro #about me #pinned

[nagirambles]

Helloy FT Fandom of Tumblr

Can help me with something. Please recommend Fairy Tail fanfics in the comments and reblogs. Any ship, no ship, self promo is ok. Just spread that love around. Thanks. I would like a positivity boost right now because I am going to throw a pillow otherwise. I also am looking for more things to read.

I'll start. My obsession is rewrite fics/dragon slayer centric with plenty of family feels, so that's most of my recs.

Obligatorily dropping my own AO3 @ here.

Tra'viin Tome'mir by GemmaRose. A series with a Sense8 style mindscape-sharing Dragon Slayers. I'm obsessed with this entire thing. I am not normal about it. It's everything I ever wanted with the dragon slayer dynamic in a ft rewrite-type fic.

Faeries, Dragons, and Demons this story has been disconned and orphanned, but I still believe it's the best rewrite of FT of all time.

How to Raise Your Dragon Slayers by PencilofAwesomeness because I go feral for this Papalogia AU and the kids being the best thing to ever happen to him and everyone who ever reads this. I would die for them

all i got is this pride by titaniaeli about Loke knowing the Dragon Slayers back when they were kids, a 5+1 about them not recognizing him before all remembering at once. This fic keeps me up at night I love it so mudsakdjal

The Fourth Of Jellal by dragonshost when I say the concept of this fic has me by the chokehold pls. Mystogan becomes Master against his every will and he ends up having to actually confront existing in the Fairy Tail guild hall. I never realized how much I craved Mystogan interactions with his Earthland family until now.

D for Dragon Slayers by Beastrage ahhh this crossover between One Piece and Fairy Tail??? It gets my mind reeling. Seeing these unhinged feral mongrels with their un-understandable powers just existing in the One Piece world and the way they all react to them... I so desperately want them to reunite. I will die if they don't. I will.

#fairy tail #fairy tail fic recs #fic related rambles #fic rec

[drunk-on-dk]

im here.. again. i heard you were asking 4 thoughts on mr boo so here i go >:3

have i expressed how badly i want to ride this man? no? well i am now. i just KNOW that while riding kwannie you’d get the blessing of the neediest, sloppiest, longest kisses :((( and you can’t even tell who’s feeling better in terms of pleasure bcuz of how freaking LOUD hes groaning and whimpering, he’d just be so overwhelmed with the feeling of your tight n greedy lil’ whole swallowing whole — AND NOT JUST THAT! the way that his bangs would stick on his forehead w/ sweat >< and him being so troubled as to whether he should rest his hands on your ass or jst grip your hips AHHH. mr boo is killing me sobs

please this is so true, you are hitting the bullseye with this one... i've been plagued with kwan hard thots so here we go... (pls enjoy and thank u for sharing your hard thots, lmk if you you like this lee <3)

pairing: boo seungkwan x fem!reader

genre: literally just smut (minors don't u dare read or interact or else i will cry and block u)

w/c: ~1.1k words (i'm trying to drabble, it's hard)

c/w: unprotected sex; riding; whiney kwan; groping; he's an ass man in this ig; messy and passionate love making i guess lol; idk pls let me know if there is anything else this is nothing crazy

Seungkwan couldn't tell if he was love drunk or pussy drunk anymore. You had him wrapped around your little finger, just like how you were wrapped so tightly around his cock.

Seungkwan hadn't seen you for weeks now, his work travel and schedule had taken up most of his time and he sparingly saw you over sporadic late night, 10-minute video calls. Your sweet texts throughout the days weren't enough to satiate his neediness, nor were the dirty images that you'd send at the worst of times, which usually required Seungkwan to take care of himself at the oddest hours of the day. Now that he was home, he needed you to take care of him.

Which you sure did, quick to prioritize it if anything, you had welcomed Seungkwan home by pulling him into a deep kiss that led straight to your bed that had lacked his scent for a little too long.

He could barely get a word in, whining profusely against your lips as you clumsily guided him to the bed, his grabby hands running wildly over your curves as if he almost forgot each little dip and crevice. Rest assured - he didn't forget a thing - you were just as perfect and warm as he remembered.

There was no need for foreplay, not when you both had missed each other this much, nor when he kissed you with such desire that it made everything in you turn to jello. You both were quick to undress between heated kisses, pushing him down on the plush mattress that pulled a whine so wanton from him that you couldn't restrain yourself from straddling his hips and caging him against the bed.

It was perfect just like this, sat atop him like a noble on their throne and swollen, messy lips chasing each other. You couldn't get enough of him, not when he sounded so pathetic with each nibble of his bottom lip, being sure to drink in his sounds as your kisses deepened and deepened.

It could have been hours for all you know just losing yourself in his kisses and little noises. However, you knew Seungkwan was growing needier by the second, the hard length jutting between your thighs proving more than enough, and his hands once wonderous hands now finding home on your hips, only digging into your plush skin even harsher with each desperate mewl of his.

You were sure he'd leave marks from his fingers alone, his nails were dug so deeply into the muscle of your ass in an attempt to coerce some movement of your hips. The feeling alone had coaxed a loud moan from you, finally breaking your lips from his to sharply inhale from the shock of arousal that ran through your core.

Seungkwan was so lost in his own lusty haze that he wasn't even sure what to feel, the sound of your own cry pulling another loud moan from him when you finally grind your dripping cunt against his painfully hard cock.

Seungkwan really doesn't know what to do with himself when you finally line up your core with the tip of his shaft, sinking down onto him and making him question how your tiny, little hole takes him so perfectly.

He's dizzy from the warmth of your pussy, hands no longer finding purchase on your ass as they continue to run up the front of your body, splaying out against your torso until he runs over the mounds of your breasts, only to run back down to your hips.

He surely doesn't know what to do with himself when you slowly lift your hips, tight walls tugging so perfectly at his cock and beckoning another whiney cry from his lips that has your jaw falling slack at how beautiful he sounds. It's enough to make your walls flutter, only driving Seungkwan closer to insanity when you drop back down on his length.

You can tell he's at a loss, his hands gripping the bed sheets and no longer on you. He misses your pout because he's so lost in the feeling of how perfectly you're riding him, you're so wet, so perfect, so tight - and oh god, you're placing his hand back on your hips and now he can't stop himself from guiding you to roll against him a bit faster, harder now. Each delicious grind of your hips into his has you sucking him in deeper, making your moans just as loud as his when you feel your clit rub even harsher against his pelvic bone.

You're not sure if his breathing is steady at this point, his fingers are now gripping your ass so tight it has you collapsing into him. You're craving to be as close to him as possible as he begins to buck his hips up into yours, working you closer and closer to your demise.

Seungkwan has worked himself up so much at this point, his whines become incoherent babbles as you press into him, brushing his matted bangs out of his face before molding your lips against his once again. The bittersweet taste of mint and coffee that forever stains Seungkwan's lips is enough to push you closer to the edge, especially when he kisses you with such desire that you almost forget to keep riding him.

The feeling of your hot bodies pressed against one another has you clamping around him, only adding to his fervor as he continues to meet each rolls of your hips. Originally, you thought you were greedy, but the way Seungkwan bucks into you has you questioning who needed each other more.

The tidal wave of ecstasy is about to crash at any moment, you're both long gone at this point, but you know each others bodies all too well. Even though Seungkwan has been in a drunken, dreamlike state the entire time, he can tell by the way your hips circle with more fervor and the way your thighs shiver that you are falling apart.

You're only breaking the kiss so you can moan loudly against his lips, sweaty foreheads pressed against each other as your walls convulse uncontrollably around his brooding length, tip nuzzled deep inside you as the hot rubber band of arousal inside of you finally snaps. Seungkwan follows suit, groaning as you pull him into another kiss and releasing his hot, sticky load inside of you.

It's messy and it's desperate, but there was no time to waste when you finally had Seungkwan back in your grasp, especially when he's this needy for you.

#seventeen smut #svt smut #svthub #seungkwan smut #boo seungkwan smut #thank you lee!!!! #lovely moots 💕 #asks 🌙

[yuujispinkhair]

a thirst to spite that one anon, but like imagine being dped by Nanami and Yuuji 🤤 I’d like to be smothered by muscles pls 🥵 they’d be so rough and sweet at the same time 🛐

OMGGGGG THIS IS SO HOT!! Thank you so much for sending this! Here are some headcanons that came to my mind after reading your ask!

Pairing: Nanami x Reader (female) x Yuuji. Warnings: 18+, smut, double penetration, creampie, anal, poly, threesome, praise. All characters are of age. 18+. Minors don't interact.

Nanami and Yuuji are both so caring and loving, and it is their priority to make YOU feel good. You will receive so much praise and love!

Soft dom Nanami and sweet sub Yuuji who lives to please you. They take such good care of you! Those two big strong men with their gorgeous muscular bodies who are so gentle and sweet with you.

Nanami guides Yuuji. He is more experienced and even though he doesn't want to be seen as a teacher, he still kind of is one, and Yuuji definitely looks up to him. Nanami tells Yuuji what to do or shows him, and sweet Yuuji is a fast learner, so he catches up really quick and learns how to fuck you the best way.

"Am I doing it right, Nanamin? (Y/n), do you like that, baby? Is it good?"

The first time you try double penetration with them, Kento takes your ass even though he knows how much Yuuji wants to fuck you there. But he wants to make sure that Yuuji baby knows what to do and how to be gentle with you.

From then on, Nanami is the one fucking your pussy with slow and steady thrusts. And Yuuji fucks your tight ass, losing his cute little mind because your ass is so perfect to him, and you are so tight and hot, and he can feel Nanami's thick cock through your walls rubbing against his own length too, as they both fuck you so nice and deep from both sides.

"You take us so well, darling. Our pretty girl...so good for us."

Yuuji gets a bit rougher after a while. It's really hard to control all that raw super-human strength when he's so horny.

But Nanami knows his baby boy very well. "Easy, Yuuji. Go a bit slower. Yeah, like that. Good boy. You're so good to her, baby. Look how much she loves what we're doing to her."

The praise makes Yuuji even hornier, but he tries his best to hold back. Always so eager to please.

But his thrusts become more erratic and his mewls grow more desperate. And then he moans the cutest "Ah fuck... feels so good." and it's so cute and hot that you clench around his thick cock and tug on his pretty pink hair.

"Don't hold back, Yuu. It's fine, you make me feel so good. Come on, fuck me harder, baby."

Nanami allows Yuuji to cum first and fill your ass with his thick ropes of seed. After all, Kento knows how hard it is for sweet Yuuji to hold back. And he's such a cutie, and cums so prettily. It's really a sight for sore eyes!

Nanami has a weak spot for watching Yuuji's face when he cums, the cute blush on his cheeks, and the loud moans and whines falling from his parted lips. You hear him whisper a low "So cute." and see him pet Yuuji's hair lovingly before pulling him into a heated deep kiss.

And then Nanami kisses you and you moan into his mouth when he changes his angle to hit your sweet spot even better.

"It's your turn now, darling. Cum for us, pretty girl. Here, I'll help you." Nanami's fingers find your clit and rub gentle circles around it.

Yuuji joins him only a moment later, and together they caress and fuck you until you cry both their names and dig your nails into their buff biceps.

Yuuji is there to hold you and kiss you and whisper in your ear how much he loves you and how pretty you look, stuffed with both their cocks, crying because they feel so good inside you. His fingers rub you lovingly through your high, moaning when he feels you twitch and shake.

And only then, after both you and Yuuji found completion, will Kento allow himself to snap his hips faster and harder to finally spill his hot cum deep into you too. After all, he first had to take care of his little pets.

[1800-fight-me]

Bloodthirsty

Vampire!Eddie Munson x Afab!Reader (No Y/N)

Rating: E (my blog is 18+ so minors please do not interact!!)

Warnings: oh god, so many, explicit descriptions of sex, rough sex, blood drinking during sex (i mean he’s a vampire- duh lol), reader cries during foreplay though consent is definitely given, please don’t read if any of this is triggering to you!! 

Word count: 1.3k

Author’s note: I’m so horny for this man it’s embarrassing and I read a couple of fics of Eddie coming back from the upside down as a vampire because of all of the bat bites and I am obsessed with that theory and could not get this idea out of my head I was like a woman possessed writing this.... pls don’t judge me I’m just going to post this and run lol

P.S. Here’s a link to my masterlist if you’d like to check out my other writing! Also! My taglist is always open- leave me a comment or an ask if you’d like to be added!

He came to you only at night, your Eddie. Well you supposed he wasn’t quite your Eddie anymore. He was different, changed. 

He was rougher, angrier, harder. 

Eddie has been through a lot in his life but he always bore it with a smile, a laugh, a joke. But, whatever he experienced in the upside down changed him. 

It was like he was becoming the thing people always said he was. 

Dark, scary, a monster. 

You still love him, desperately. 

He comes to you at night and you let him use your body as he wants, as he needs. 

There’s a moment when it’s over, when he holds you close, his hands turn gentle and his face nuzzles into your skin and you sigh in relief. It’s like it was before when he used to love you, hold you, cherish you. This twisted version of him still has you imprinted on his black heart, at least. 

You have him but you miss his laugh. 

You have him but only at night. 

You have him but you still miss him.  

He at least allows you to fall asleep in his arms and you cry in the morning when he’s gone. If it weren’t for the bruises on your body you wouldn’t even believe he was real, that he wasn’t a figment of your imagination. 

It’s been ongoing for weeks but no one believes you. They think you’re tortured with grief and nightmares. 

The first time he bit you, you cried. He murmured reassurances and patted your head as he gulped down your blood. 

Now, you let him without a fight. You gasp and writhe but only because he always has his fingers or cock inside you before he bites down. 

Sex with Eddie was usually rough, but the undercurrent of tenderness that used to be there was gone. 

And you enjoyed it, of course you did, it was Eddie- he always, always made you come but you missed when he used to kiss you softly and make love to you. 

You didn’t know what happened to him in the upside down, and you assumed he went back there after you fell asleep though he never told you. You didn’t know how he was alive or why he was changed but he was close enough to your Eddie, the love of your life, that your body- your mind- your soul couldn’t refuse him as he slipped in through your window night after night. 

Gone was the grinning boy who cracked jokes and comforted you and present was the the man- the monster- who fucked you until you cried while he growled and drank your blood. 

The bruises from his fingers stayed but where there should be an open wound on your neck there was always only a small scar- like an imprint of his teeth- left on your skin by morning. 

You brushed your fingers against the scar during the day as you missed him. 

“Sweetheart,” you heard and your eyes flitted open as you blinked and woke. 

You couldn’t stop the tears just as you knew you wouldn’t stop what was coming. 

You felt his hands on your face, your neck, down your body. He shifted you in your bed until he was satisfied with your position. 

“Eds,” you whimpered and he shushed you. 

“Gonna give you what you want,” he murmured as he moved down your body to settle between your legs. 

“No,” you whined and he looked up at you. 

The moonlight streaming through the window gave you enough to see the outline of his face and the otherworldly gleam of his eyes. 

“No?” he challenged and you grabbed his shoulders in an attempt to pull him up closer to your face. 

He was immovable, like hard stone. 

“I miss you, baby. Please,” you beg desperately. 

“I’m here,” he said, his voice gravely and harsh. 

“Kiss me, please, Eddie, just-can you just kiss me,” you practically cried. 

The only kisses you get from him now are harsh, teeth clashing and tongues fighting, the taste of your own blood in your mouth as he quiets his climax with his lips on yours. 

“I travel through hell every day for you,” he said quietly, his tone almost scary. 

You couldn’t stop the tears from dripping down your cheeks as guilt filled you. Here he was, having yanked himself from death’s grip for you and yet you were telling him you didn’t get enough. 

“I’m sorry,” you blubbered, “I love you.” 

He sighed and nodded. You tried to quiet your sniffles as your tears threatened to turn into sobs that he wouldn’t or couldn’t say it back to you anymore. 

This monster before you looked so much like your high school sweetheart and you couldn’t look away. You couldn’t help but give him what he wanted. 

“You-you can bite me wherever you want. Can you just kiss me first?” you said timidly. 

He licked his lips and nodded again and allowed you to tug himup. 

You sighed in relief as his body settled on top of yours, the weight of him comforting even if his body temperature was so much colder than it should be. 

He placed a large hand on the side of your face as you watched him with wide eyes. 

He dipped his chin down and you gasped as he licked the tears from your cheeks, one after the other. 

Your surprise stopped any more tears from falling as he pressed his soft plush lips to yours. 

You moaned as he kissed you with the gentleness you so craved. 

His hands moved to grip the sheets of the bed on either side of your head as you wrapped your fingers in his hair and deepened the kiss. 

You tried to keep the pace of the kiss slow but it was clear he was fighting against his new nature as he tried to give you the tenderness you wanted. 

You tentatively brushed your tongue against his bottom lip and he opened his mouth to yours with a groan. 

His hand moved to the headboard and it groaned under his newfound strength as he continued to hold himself back and allow you to lead the kiss. 

You kissed him and poured all your love into his mouth as your tongue danced with his and your lips moved against his. 

You pushed your luck for as long as you could and you wrapped your arms and legs around him as you continued to kiss him and felt some of the hurt in your heart heal. 

He pulled back with a growl and you knew your moment of tenderness was over and it was okay. It was okay, because your Eddie was in there. He was in there and he fought hard to show you the love and care you needed. 

He panted as he looked down at you, shining eyes full of hunger, self-control about to snap, and you nodded at him, giving him permission as you tilted your jaw up and bared your neck to him. 

He shook his head and moved back down your body and settled himself between your legs as he yanked your panties off. 

He alternated between licking your pussy and drinking blood from the inside of your thigh and when you cried out your release he shoved himself inside your blood soaked warmth. 

He pulled another release from you before he came with a snarl of, “You’re mine.” 

“M’yours Eddie. Always yours,” you agreed and he pulled out of you and wrapped you in his arms. 

You woke the next morning to blood stains and teeth marks, but you didn’t feel as empty anymore. 

You were sure now, your Eddie, the love of your life was still inside the monster he had become. You were determined to do everything in your power to pull out the good in him even if it meant giving the bloodthirsty monster everything he wants.  

Everything taglist:

@spideysimpossiblegirl @dinandgone @ohpedromypedro @littlemisspascal @tombraider42017 @kirsteng42 @just-here-for-the-moment

Eddie taglist:

@bunnywritesmarvel @crazycookiecrumbles​ @kindnonny23-2​ @kaqua​

#eddie munson #stranger things #eddie munson smut #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x y/n #stranger things fanfic #stranger things fanfiction #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson fanfiction #vampire!eddie #stranger things spoilers

[foreststranger]

READ FIRST -͟͟͞☆

MASTERLIST HERE ☆

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟABOUT ME -͟͟͞☆

hi! my name is amy/cheng wei (成唯), i go by she/her/hers, i’m 13 (my birthday is in june), and i’m a silly little fanfic writer. it doesn’t matter to me which name you use. if 成唯，阿唯，小唯，唯唯， etc. is easier for you to use, idm. if amy is easier for you, idm either.

i mostly write for honkai: star rail though i might write a few genshin related things here and there.

please request me to write something! i love writing (despite me abandoning projects all the time). now doing commissions as well if you wanna pay for my genshin and hsr funds…

i usually don’t proofread my work bc i’m too scared to read it, so forgive me for spelling/grammar errors and nonsensical lines.

“I'm Lynx, a Snow Plains Development Consultant. Though... I prefer exploring the vastness of the Snow Plains rather than solving problems in the city. The brisk weather can always stimulate your vim and vigor... Ah, sorry, I get distracted when thinking of all the possibilities hidden in the snow.”

↳ ᴄᴜʀʀᴇɴᴛʟʏ, ɪ ᴀᴍ:

⛰︎ thinking abt lynx

⛰︎ working on an il dan heng & child reader request

(ɪɴ ᴏʀᴅᴇʀ ᴏꜰ ᴘʀɪᴏʀɪᴛʏ)

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟDO NOT INTERACT -͟͟͞☆

↳ ᴅɴɪ (ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ɪɴᴛᴇʀᴀᴄᴛ)

⛰︎ basic DNI list

(homophobia, transphobia, racism, etc.)

⛰︎ accs with NSFW names (you can still read my stuff but don’t like, reblog, follow, etc.)

you’re fine if you have a nsfw pfp bc tumblr auto censors 👍👍

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ TAGS -͟͟͞☆

#.forestfics​​​ ☆

↳ fanfics

​#.forestreqs​​ ☆

↳ requests

#.forestthings​​​ ☆

↳ other

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ REQUESTS -͟͟͞☆

↳ ɪ ᴀᴍ ᴜɴᴡɪʟʟɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ ꜰᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ꜰᴏʟʟᴏᴡɪɴɢ:

𑁍 character x character ships (unfortunately i only write x readers lol)

𑁍 pedophilic relationships

𑁍 anything with content I deem problematic/am not comfortable with

(kidnapping/yandere themes, the promotion of homophobia, transphobia, racism, and general bigotry, etc.)

𑁍 excessive gore

𑁍 NSFW (of the smutty kind, though there might be some ‘suggestive’ content)

if you send a request that i’m not comfortable fulfilling, I’ll let you know.

↳ ɪ ᴀᴍ ᴡɪʟʟɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ ꜰᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ꜰᴏʟʟᴏᴡɪɴɢ:

𑁍 genshin and hsr stuff

𑁍 romantic and platonic x readers

𑁍 canon x oc

𑁍 angst, trauma, character death, etc.

(excluding SA and anything incredibly graphic)

𑁍 and more!

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ COMMISSIONS -͟͟͞☆

↳ ʙᴀꜱɪᴄᴀʟʟʏ ʀᴇQᴜᴇꜱᴛꜱ. ᴡʜᴀᴛ’ꜱ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅɪꜰꜰᴇʀᴇɴᴄᴇ?

𑁍 i get paid via in game currencies

𑁍 you get a proofread fanfic with a lot more effort than a typical request

𑁍 more words/content (i.e, texts and such)

𑁍 your commission takes priority over all of my other projects (AKA I’M NOT GIVING UP ON YOUR FIC. EVEN IF BURNOUT GETS TO ME)

𑁍 that’s it lol

contact me via dms for commissions, rates, etc. however, as a standard, my rate is around $6.79-6.99 CAD/$5-5.16 USD (300 genesis crystals/300 oneiric shards) for every 700~ words. if you need help with how to pay, i can show you. ofc you don’t have to commission me but i’m getting desperate bc i need dan heng and then i need lynx and then there’s topaz and her little dog thing and jingliu and argenti and huohuo and then genshin’s hitting me with neuvillette AND wriothesley IN THE SAME PATCH pls i’ve never been more desperate for pixels. #commercializingyourhobbies. don’t feel pressured to commission me btw, little pixel people in my screen are luxuries, not necessities. i jst rlly want them.

my hsr uid for payment: 601912597 america server

my genshin uid for payment: 629711011 america server

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟMISC. -͟͟͞☆

↳ Qᴜᴇꜱᴛɪᴏɴꜱ ᴀɴᴅ ᴀɴꜱᴡᴇʀꜱ:

Q: how long will it take for you to complete a request?

A: requests are my favourite things to do so usually i’ll stop working on whatever i’m doing to focus on it. depending on how long it is, it may take me a from a day to a week or more. however, i often lose interest and motivation if a fic takes too long for me so apologies in advance if i give up on your request. 𑁍

Q: does anyone help you run this account?

A: it’s just me. though sometimes, with gruelling tasks such as reworking the texting parts of my old fics, my sister (8 yrs old) will help me out. she’s a very nice kid. 𑁍

Q: do you have an upload schedule?

A: i post whenever i have a completed fic and want to post it. usually, I’ll post 1-2 times every week. though, this is not always consistent. usually i’ll post twice back to back and then leave for a while. and especially since the school year is starting soon, this upload schedule may be even more inconsistent. i struggle a lot with burn out and have abandoned many projects. 𑁍

Q: what are your hobbies?

A: i like doing creative things. drawing, writing, etc. i also like to read and i’m learning to play the flute! i’m hoping to apply for a local school art program for singing and visual arts when i reach high school. 𑁍

Q: what languages do you read and speak?

A: i’m most fluent in english as i was born in canada. i can speak vietnamese pretty well but i have difficulty understanding dialects and accents. i’m also not very good at reading it either. (hong kong) cantonese i can hold a conversation in (mostly) but i have a lot of difficulty with it and can’t read most characters, since i only speak it with my dad. 𑁍

ask before translating, taking inspo from (not copy), reposting, etc. my work. remember to credit me and if you’re taking inspo from it, please @ me as I’d like to see what you do with my ideas!

#honaki star rail #genshin impact #fanfic request #fanfiction #honkai: star rail #fanfic commissions #.forestthings​ ☆

[clearcloudlesssky]

BONJOUR (i really need to stop opening all my asks with this line there is not a singular french bone in my body)

you seem like a cool and intellectual person (everything i aspire to be fr)! and you speak mandarin like me (事实说，我的华文很糟糕...我的母语怎么说到那么差哎呀呀)! and you're friends with all my friends (i'm like a human detector device i see new person on my friends' blogs i stalk their page and follow them ehehehhj)

like we have to be besties at this point/j

my question: gush over your favourite book?? like GUSH IDC IF I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT I WILL LISTEN TO EVERY DETAIL

NEE HOW 没关系---其实我的中文也很糟糕 (ಥ﹏ಥ))

thank you so much for the ask!! i'm VERY new to interacting on tumblr so this is like really really really cool to me lmao

also PLEASE i am not a intellectual or a cool person do not aspire to be like me you don't know what i did last year under the blood red full moon of october 27th at 3:27pm

ok the gushing part I'LL TRY TO STICK TO BOOKS/MEDIA NO PROMISES THOUGH

generally speaking my favorite books are the ones i'm reading/have just read, so right now they'd prob be perfume as you who have stalked my blog may be able to tell and probably coriolanus which i am rereading rn @bassguitarinablackt-shirt i told you about coriolanus last year sobs

i was forced to read perfume by a friend of mine -- she's a sucker for these totally reprehensible, incorrigible characters, and she'd been ranting abt perfume for aaaages. and it sounded kinda perverse but at the same time really interesting so i read it and it was actually really good...

ok and just in case this monstrosity below convinces anyone to read perfume, there's a few warnings in hand

perfume is a decently dark book, there's like 26 total murders, and the ending is...interesting. the author has a talent for creating unique, immersive descriptions but like maybe 20-30% of the time these descriptions lean towards eroticism so if you don't like that pls be warned?

if you've ever seen food wars think that but with really really good smells

ok now to start

i think that perfume is really cool because it's one of those where there's exactly one, very very clear theme - others may crop up but this feels super central, and that theme would probably be human greed, and the tendencies of humans to destroy that which they most love. it dives into total obsession and the idea of wanting to possess something so much, so badly that you destroy it in that greed, and the poster boy for this idea is the main character of the book, jean-baptiste grenouille, who murders those with scents he desperately wants to possess

the entire book is very unique in that it focuses itself around one sense - smell, and this creates a lot of really cool descriptions and a pov that you've probably never thought of before.

the mc himself is also a really interesting character - he's totally dominated by this sense, he's like a dog but ten times more sensitive to smell. he doesn't care about other human beings at all, he doesn't care about physical pain, or visually beautiful things, he only cares about the smells around him. he has a urge to possess all of them, to learn how to create them and collect them. i've spoken about his inhumanness and other stuff before so i won't go into that (this is long sobs i haven't even spoken abt coriolanus)

ok what's below is a weirder interpretation..

one of the ideas that popped out to me when i was reading is that the author uses individual scents as an analogy for a soul. everything in grenonuille's world has a scent. it is what defines them. it is what makes them them in his worldview, and for him to lack a scent means that he lacks a soul, and this only further emphasizes his inhumanity. he's terrified when he realizes this, and his lack of a smell is what actually pushes other humans away from him

by attempting to create a sort of "ultimate perfume" for himself, he seeks to give himself a soul, a sense of being, but he's left full of hatred and fear once he realizes that people don't care for him, the soulless, scentless grenouille, but the scent he created. they aren't attracted to him as a person, they're attracted to his ultimate perfume, and their sheer olfactory gullibility disgusts him. i can elaborate but that means spoiling the rest of the book and i don't wanna do that TwT

this leaves no room for coriolanus but let it be said this is a goofy ass book (i love it but still) generally shakespeare is a bit dry? for me and i don't take a lot of enjoyment out of it but i had fun reading coriolanus

the main idea of coriolanus is a general, a military hero who enters the cutthroat world of roman politics, and is absolutely destroyed. his bluntness, refusal to compromise, and above all pride makes him psychologically ill-suited to become a politician, generally i feel that a lot of traits that made him an excellent general turn on him once he becomes a consul (think president).

he has an absolutely wack relationship with his mom, who i feel is like the roman equivalent of that one parent who's basically living through their child. from the start to the end, she's the one pulling his strings. she's the one who pushed him to military success, she's the primary one who pushed him to become consul, and it's her who's able to convince him to spare Rome when he finally leaves to seek revenge. and when she returns to rome? it's her who gets the glory, it's her who's hailed as rome's savior, while coriolanus himself is brutally murdered at the end of the book.

to me, she comes across as someone who's hyper-ambitious, and perhaps as a woman in ancient rome, she wasn't able to move anywhere with those ambitions, so she pushed them onto her son instead. she speaks of blood and swords and death, and is prideful that her son was sent into battle at a young age.

honestly their relationship is one of my favorites from this play, and the only scene that i enjoy more than the death scene is uh coriolanus's arch nemesis speaking about him..

"Twelve several times, and I have nightly since Dreamt of encounters 'twixt thyself and me; We have been down together in my sleep, Unbuckling helms, fisting each other's throat; And waked half dead with nothing"

And there's also this

"Than thee, all noble Marcius. Let me twine Mine arms about that body, where against My grained ash an hundred times hath broke, And scarr'd the moon with splinters: here I clip The anvil of my sword, and do contest As hotly and as nobly with thy love As ever in ambitious strength I did Contend against thy valour. Know thou first, I loved the maid I married; never man Sigh'd truer breath; but that I see thee here, Thou noble thing! more dances my rapt heart"

yep additional note coriolanus's full name is gaius marcius coriolanus

they're a little bit silly aufidius totally isn't the one assassinating him at the end nope

SORRTY THIS WAS REALLY LONG

#coriolanus #perfume #answering asks #perfume: the story of a murderer #i rambled too long geesh #grenouille the tick

[ipegchangbin]

hi z <3

im not good at writing and English isn't my 1st language so im super sorry in advance

im also bring to keep this as gender neutral as possible

dunno how open to this concept u are but : loser!chan and mean/bully!reader ? if not pls ignore/delete this ask lol

warning: unhealthy relationship dynamic

its not bullying out of malice but out of confusion, reader doesn't understand their feelings and takes them out on Channie who is head over heels for reader

uni/college setting would be perf for this channie does their hw, essays and other assignments for a little bit of their attention and reader plays around with him but gets upset at other girls who take interest in him

I really like this concept because of Chans ppl pleasing nature, there's just something so attractive about a strong buff man being desperate to please no matter what

this could be in form of doing assignments like I said but also bailing on band/sport practice because reader send him a nude telling him to come over or neglecting his needs to please them by performing oral on them until they come only to be send away ( and if he ends up cuming performing oral he gets made fun of and humiliated )

he doesn't know why he's so into them because on paper there's really not a single positive interaction between them but he really likes the way he gets butterflies every time they call him perv for getting an erection even though they rubbed their foot on his crotch in the middle of the busy library, he also sees the way they angrily stare every time a girl has the audacity to approach him, the way they go out of their way to humiliate this girl by spilling their drink or picking a fight with her

( I tried writing more nsfw but I am not very confident in doing so , so I will leave it at that , I will practice writing more but I just really like this dynamic and wanted to share )

with love, your bully anon

❕aforementioned warning: unhealthy dynamics

ive read this ask about 5 times over and i still melt at it. HELLO BULLY ANON youre doing things to me OUR TASTES CLICK SO MUCH???

really really love the way you put it: y/n cant really pinpoint what it is that they feel about chan, but their affection for him translates differently. they’re like fuckbuddies, a little more than just the usual “campus bully-picks-on-campus loser,” but less than an established relationship—at least, not yet.

maybe they were study peers: y/n needed to take extra time for their classes and chan wanted extra credits. they were unlikely seatmates, with y/n being restless and mighty while chan simply wanted to learn. eventually, what seemed to be something of a casual friendship became something a little more when they both realized they have some mutual feelings. y/n just doesn’t know what that feeling is; before they knew it, their display of affection towards him happened to be bedroom pain and pleasure.

imagine the possibilities with these two, though: picture y/n teasing chan and cockwarming him (either he is warming them or they are warming him), threatening him to finish their work before he gets to finish.

“no, no, —ah— not yet, channie. can you solve this last problem set for me? i’ll let you cum if you do.”

“oh, fuck—”

“do calculators talk, channie?”

they both sound a little stupid when they banter in (and out of) bed, but it’s better when y/n makes chan stupid from the fucking.

“can’t think straight in class, hm? can only think about me?” y/n scolded him in the emptiest hallway, slotting one thigh in between his legs.

“i-i, well, y-you sent the pic, and —ah— i couldn’t think straight.”

“but you were supposed to take my notes. aren’t you a useless little pervert? couldn’t even do the things i asked you to?”

they’re a lovely couple imo ^^ and i want to point out a particular thing you said:

there's just something so attractive about a strong buff man being desperate to please no matter what

😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 AGREED. ARE YOU READING MY MIND? this is precisely the reason why i bias ppl like chan. sub!chan makes so much sense in this scenario another thing about him that makes this better is that he allows them to walk over him. whether it be in a figurative or literal sense, he’d do anything: he’d compromise his reputation and allow y/n’s friends to laugh behind his back whenever they pass him by.

maybe he finds joy in the thought that y/n talks filth about him sometimes.

maybe he loves the thought that y/n thinks of him like that.

maybe he loves the thought that y/n possesses his thoughts so much he’d be willing to be their sore loser no matter what they do to him.

… im delirious now !!!!

& sorry i got back to this late because I NEVER REALIZED HOW MUCH WE ALL NEED TO INDULGE IN THIS THOUGHT! worry not btw, please indulge as much as you need to and no need to worry about fluency, english isnt my first language either <3

thank you for dropping by, bully anon! ily and i hope youre doing great, drop by again soon im looking forward to hearing more from you 🎤

#skz smut #sub!skz #sub!bang chan #sub!chan #<3 bully anon #💌 ipeginbox #💬 z is writimg #IM STILL SCREAMING ABT THIS ANON UR BRAINNNN

[maiverie]

Hahaha… heyyy…

Long time no talk maiverie 😜‼️ I totally like didn’t disappear off of the Earth of Tumblr… or did I.?? 😳😳 I REALLY REALLY MOST DESPERATELY hope that you’re doing well bffl!! I WILL ALWAYS RESPOND TO YOU FROM NOW ON UNTIL I FEEL LIKE ITS TIME FOR ME TO JUMP INTO MY DARK HABIT OF GHOSTING TUMBLR 😚🫶 BIG NEWS. I’m ngl… but I’m kind of leaning towards Heeseung bias.. BUT. Jake will always be ma numba 1 hyperpuppy boy ☝️I KNOW.. WHO THE HELL AM I?1!?1 I DONT EVEN KNOW ME ANYMORE T-T ! MY WHOLE BLOG IS DEDICATED TO THAT MANS‼️

ANYWAYS DID YOU HEAR BOUT THAT P1HARMONY CONCERT?1!1? AND REX ORANGE COUNTY AND LAUV TOO?1!1? THERE ARE SO FUCKING MANYPEOPLE TOURING AUSTRALIA ITS SOOOOOO UNBELIEVABLE !!! I LITERALLY BARELY LISTEN TO THEM BUT I WANNA GO SOOOOO BAD 😫😫 but like what the hell I dont get paid enough to even afford those tickets 😟

I have no excuse to run away from you anymore. I hope you didn’t feel lonely :( ENOUGH OF DAT GLOOMY SHIT!! IM SO GLAD YOU HAVE SO MANY MOOTS NOW!! YOUVE GROWN SO MUCH ON THIS PLATFORM AND IM GENUINELY SO PROUD OF YOU T-T I will now be off to go read your works until like 3am and shed tears (+repost, like, let the whole world know and shed some more tears) I LOVE YOU LOADS MAIVERIE!! 🤍 ALSOOO HAPPY LATE VALENTINES DAY??? IK IM LIKE 5 MONTHS LATE BUT ITS WHATEVER… MUCH LOVE 🥰

- from dat bitch that always dips

SHUT THE FUCK UP SELENA YOURE HEEEREEEE???? 😭😭😭😭😭😭 im actually gna kms i missed u a lil too much i’m gna cry 😭😭😭😭😭😭

KSJEKSJWLWIJDAKADKA i didn’t actually expect a reply CMONNNN it’s been months ☹️💖 (i ghosted tumblr too for a few months but it’s okay we both have our faults and we’re still perfect amazing sexy ppl 🫂) ALSO SHUT UPPPP THAT IS THE BIGGEST NEWS EVER IAKEKWLFJLSS IM CRYYINGGGF idk if u rmb but i used to be jay biased 😭 you 🤝 me 🤝 succumbing to heeseung BUT PSLSSS HELPP IM SO EXCITED FOR U (i can finally call u my fave heetual 😽) SO WHAT CHANGED UR MIND ?? WAS BITE ME THE FINAL STRAW ?? 🤭

OH MY GOD I DIDDD 😭😭😭😭 i’m literally confused bc at first it was that NOBODY was coming to aus and suddenly everybody and their dog wants to come 😭 also niki is coming?? taylor swift?? CHARLIE PUTH??? like hold upppp 😭😭

🥹🥹 NO BC SHUT UP WHY DID UR LASK GEN MAKE ME WANNA KMS IN A HAPPY SAD WAY IM 😭😭😭 NOOOOO BC U ARE MY DAY 1 😭💖🫵 I LOVE U SM WTH this acc has definitely grown a lot since the beginning but it makes me so proud and happy that you were a part of that 😭 nothing makes me happier than interacting w u so tysm for popping in ☹️💗 also it literally is so late GO TO SLEEP you’re like an hr ahead of me which means it’s 3:30???!!!!!$&”&:&;” btw as i was typing this i saw ur rb on bite by bite STOPP WHY ARE U READING IT GO AWAY 😭😭 naur cos it’s so different from my usual writing style BUT PLS IM GLAD IT WAS OKAY 😭💖💖💖💞

anyway i miss u i love u HAPPY BELATED VALENTINE’S DAY thank you for stopping by MWAH MWAH MWAH appreciate u loads 😽😽 hope u are keeping warm for winter && work + uni are going well 😵‍💫 vvvv exciting news that u r now heeseung biased I CANT BE MORE PROUD 🤭😈 love u long long long time my fave KEEP SAFE PLEASE EAT WELL STAY HEALTHY BE HAPPY && AND I WILL BE HAPPY 💕💞💓💗💝💘💖

#ask #@ : jaeyummies ♡

[sick-bay]

A list of my favorite whumpees (and characters i want to see more whump of!)

Zuko (from ATLA) - back when I was a kid and watched the show on TV I didn't even know what whump was but I always loved that final fight against Azula (you know, the one where he gets hurt)

Ace (from One Piece) - he’s always been my favorite OP character and I like the found family trope he has going on so I like fics and stuff where the other crew members are taking care of him (pls don’t mention his d-word to me, i WILL cry. Actually, he's alive and well!!)

Todoroki (from BNHA) - he's my favorite character in BNHA and tbh he’s very whumpable (also I really enjoy fics where Aizawa ends up looking after him like the dad he is)

Hak (from Akatsuki no Yona) - he canonically gets hurt A LOT and I'm enjoying it. Big, strong, tough guys getting hurt is just chef’s kiss! (I wish there were more fics about it but the manga itself is feeding me quite well so I can’t really complain)

Kaito Kid (from Case Closed/Detective Conan and Magic Kaito 1412) - he's always been my favorite character in the anime and even though I don't keep up with the anime itself, I've watched all the episodes and movies he shows up in lol He's just so whumpable and I love it when when he gets hurt and Shinichi ends up saving him, even though they're rivals.

Vanitas (Vanitas no Carte) - I don’t actively seek out whump content like fics for him but I did enjoy that one episode where he got hurt and ended up with a fever and all that.

Zack Fair (from FF VII) - the kind of whumpee who's loud and cheerful but gets uncharacteristically quiet when he's hurt and/or sick imo! There really isn't enough whump fics about him... Especially not about mentor Angeal and mentee Zack...

Cloud (from FF VII) - another big, tough guy! Very whumpable as well (though there is surprisingly little whumpy fics (and I'm not a fan of psychological whumpy stuff, I prefer it physical with the characters getting bloody and all that <3))!

Noctis (from FF XV) - I only played the game a few months ago (no, we will not talk about the ending. It’s not real) but I've read whump fics and sickfics about him a few years ago already lol Again, I love the found family kinda trope (is it found family if they've all already known each other and have been close for years? Anyways, I love the bond the group has). There is a lot more Noctis whump content than there is Cloud or Zack whump content.)

Suguru Geto (from Jujutsu Kaisen) - HOW COULD I FORGET HIM??? Well probably because there is nowhere near enough whump/sickfic content for him… I am in desperate need for moreeeee!! Maybe the anime onlys will feed me once the new season is out and they'll get to know him… I am hoping that will happen…

Leon (from Resident Evil) - there is NOT enough whump content for Leon! That being said, I enjoy fics where he works together with the BSAA and everything goes to shit and he gets hurt <3 (In my mind he's besties with Claire, Chris and Jill even though canonically he's never even interacted with Jill as far as I'm aware of but that doesn’t matter to me!)

Ghost (from CoD) - honestly I played most CoD games way back when I was in middle school but I never paid much attention to the story itself lmao But because I played the previous games all those years ago I got the new one that was recently released (just because nostalgia, you know?) and it started this new found love for whumpy Ghost. There is NOT enough content of that though (please, I am literally begging, give me more Ghost whump). Another big (like literally, the guy is huge <3), strong dude that I like to see bloody and hurt.

d'Artagnan (from The Musketeers, like the movie or the show or the book idk, just d'Artagnan) - I've known about the Three Musketeers since I was a little girl idk everyone knows them I guess?? ('All for one and one for all!' and all that. It's just famous) but I've only watched that one movie a few years ago (the one with Logan Lerman). Anyways, I enjoy whump fics about him. Simply because he's the 'baby' of the group and the others are like mentors to him and more experienced and even though he's talented and he can hold his ground, I love it when he gets hurt and the others take care of him.

Legolas (from The Lord of the Rings) - I've always loved him. He's always been my favorite but for some strange reason I never thought about whumpee Legolas until like a year ago??? I absolutely love the bromance between him and Aragorn and Gimli and the idea of him talking in elvish with Aragorn when he's hurt and/or feverish is just so dear to me!

#hellooo it's me #whump talk #whump #zuko #ace #one piece #todoroki shouto #hak #kaito kid #detective conan #cloud strife #ff7 #noctis #ff xv #leon s kennedy #resident evil #cod ghost #d'artagnan #the musketeers #vanitas #suguru geto #jujutsu kaisen #legolas #zack fair

[witchpussy42069]

HEY GUYS! PLEASE READ:

I am jobless unfortunately, and it's proving to be EXTREMELY difficult to get one, and there's a VERY HIGH CHANCE I end up homeless next year, so I will be making a GoFundMe, applying for income support again (hopefully they take me seriously this time), and desperately begging for jobs as I have been for the past 2 years to no avail 🥲 when I post my GoFundMe link, after I've made my GoFundMe, please PLEASE do me a favor and reblog it! I will try to have it ready and posted today or tomorrow, I don't want to be homeless please help me🙏 u don't need to interact with this post, pls just keep ur eye out for when I post my GoFundMe campaign and then please reblog that post🙏

If I can just get enough money for a damage deposit it would be a HUGE HELP- then that would be one less thing to worry about when I'm trying to find a place I can afford to live in

Love y'all, I hope ur all having a good day🫂

[allyouneedisbuck]

i’m begging for you (take my hand)

this fic has 18+ content! MINORS DO NOT INTERACT. this is for your safety and mine! please respect that. 

by continuing to read you are stating that you are over eighteen and understand this content is not meant for minors.

summary // bucky doesn’t do love, you love bucky. being friends with benefits makes sense, right? [bucky barnes x female!reader]

words // 19.0k (BUCKLE UP IT’S A LONG ONE)

warnings // modern!bucky, fwb! trope, brief love triangle (steve x reader x bucky), overall toxicity, cursing, daddy issues (bucky’s dad left), drinking, excessive use of nicknames (sweetheart/sweets/baby), oral sex (f! receiving), penetrative sex, unsafe sex (do not have unprotected sex!), spitting, thigh riding, bucky has a metal arm but it’s not explained why (it was a car accident & that is already known by reader)

notes // title from willow by taylor swift (this fic was originally titled heartbeat and inspired by childish gambino’s song of the same name) i just could not get modern bucky not knowing how to deal with feelings out of my head & it became this catastrophe [ive never written 18+ before so pls be gentle in your judgement of those scenes omg] happy reading! 

if you enjoy this, reblogs & replies are greatly appreciated (especially when pieces take this much work)

》* 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ • 。* 。° 。* 。 • ˚《

“To Bucky Barnes, my now forever lawyer.” You hold out your wine glass and he meets you halfway in a cheers. Bucky laughs brightly as you praise him. “And now my sugar daddy, since he makes an insane amount of money as senior associate.” 

The two of you are halfway through your second bottle of wine. “I’ve been a lawyer for four years. I’m just now becoming your go-to?” He holds a hand to his chest in faux hurt. 

You lean towards him as you laugh. “I needed to make sure you were a good lawyer. Get me off murder charges good.” It feels like the two of you have been scooting closer to each other all night. 

“Sweetheart, you know I’d be there to help you hide the body if you needed me to.” He leans towards you in a conspiratorial whisper. Your eyes move from his eyes to his lips before snapping back up. “Then get you off the charges.” He breathes out. 

You can feel his breath on your face. The scent of red wine hits your noise and you can see it staining his lips. You want to kiss him so desperately, but you just can’t make the first move. You don’t think you could handle that rejection. 

“I’m gonna kiss you.” He says quietly, his eyes scanning over your face for any sign of rejection. You swallow thickly before nodding. “Okay.” You whisper back before letting out a nervous giggle. 

Bucky’s hand comes up to rest against your cheek. Its coldness relieves some of the heat that’s risen to underneath your skin from his proximity and the wine you’ve consumed. 

Your eyes slide shut as he leans in. His nose nudging against yours before you feel his lips. You bring your hand up to rest on his chest. His lips are softer than you expected and taste like the wine they’re stained with. It’s everything you’ve dreamed of when dreaming of kissing Bucky. 

He pulls away and looks at you with half lidded eyes. “You’re so pretty.” He mumbles. You feel heat crawl up the back of your neck at the honesty in his tone. He presses a kiss against your jaw. Then your neck. Your head falls to the side to allow him better access. 

It’s easy to move into his lap when his hands grip at your hips. “Fuck.” Bucky moans as you grind down against him. You throw your head back in a moan as his lips trail down from your jaw to your neck. 

“Shit.” You say breathlessly as his hands run up and down your sides. Your hands drop down and begin to work on his jeans button and zipper. Bucky lets out a groan when they brush against his already hard dick. 

You stand from his lap and he pulls his jeans off while you move to unbutton your top. As you work on the shirt, Bucky’s hands reach out to undo your own jeans. When you’re standing in nothing but underwear in front of him, Bucky isn’t doing anything but staring. The heat in his eyes makes you feel flush and goes straight to your core. “Fuck. You’re gorgeous.” He says quietly.

You crawl back into his lip and Bucky’s hands find you again immediately. You rub against him and both of you moan at the slight relief it offers. Bucky’s hand drifts down between you two and he begins to rub over your clothed clit.

You grind down on his hand and let out a whine. “More. More. Please.” You whisper. Bucky laughs softly at you before slipping his hand into your underwear and running a finger over your slit. “Oh my god.” Your head falls to rest on his shoulder.

“That’s it. You look so good like this, sweetheart.” He murmurs into your hair. The praise makes you moan as you grind down against him again desperate for more.

You pull back to look at him, one of your hands tangled in the hair at the back of his head. In a breathless tone you say, “Fuck me.”

Bucky groans. “Oh shit.” His hips buck up against you. “Yeah. Okay.” He pushes you off of his lap gently and moves to pull his briefs off. You follow suit and pull your underwear off.

“Come here.” He groans as he pulls you back over his lap. You giggle as he presses a flurry of kisses across your chest. He holds a hand out in front of you, “Spit.” He orders.

You glance at him in shock before following the order. His eyes roll back as he watches you before he moves to use the spit to lube himself up. “Fuck me. Please.” You whisper to him as he teases your entrance.

“Don’t have to ask me twice.” Bucky slips into you and you both let out loud moans. “Fuck. Fuck. You feel so good.” His forehead rests against your chest as both of you relish in the feeling for a moment. After a few seconds of shaky breathing, you yank at his hair gently so he’s forced to look at you again. A smirk spreads across his face at the feeling and you smile down at him, “Gonna fuck me? Or are we just sit here?” You tease. 

Bucky’s hands grip your hips tightly and he steadies his feet on the ground. “Yeah, sweets. ‘M gonna fuck you.”

》•

Your eyes focus in on Wanda as she waves a hand in front of your face. You can feel your body grow hot at the memory of Bucky and you. “What’s on your mind? You’ve been zoning out all night.” She laughs softly.

“Bucky and I had sex last night.” You blurt out, unable to keep it to yourself any longer. You swallow tightly when Wanda’s eyes brighten in excitement before confusion takes over.

She watches your face, like she can tell something was wrong, and doesn’t move to do anything for a second. When she does speak, it’s hesitant. “You’ve liked him since we were in school. Is this good or bad?”

You frown. She was right, you had liked Bucky since he had come barreling into your life senior year of college with bright eyes, mischievous smiles and maybe too many issues to ever be in a real relationship. You had sat through his flings and tried to move on with you own, but every guy had ended up being jealous of Bucky or too boring compared to him.

“He doesn’t-” You suck in a deep breath. “He doesn’t want a relationship.” You say quietly. You take another sip of your wine when Wanda reaches over with pity filled eyes and grabs a hold of your hand.

She shakes her head like she doesn’t understand what you’ve just said to her. “What do... What do you mean?” 

You run your hands over your face in despair. “I don’t... We had like two bottles of wine and we hooked up.” You look up at her with tearful eyes. “When I woke up this morning, he went on about how he loved me and he didn’t want to hurt me.” 

Wanda’s watching you with wide eyes. “Start from the beginning. What did he say? Are you sure he said he doesn’t want to be in a relationship?” She’s shaking her head in disbelief. 

You take a deep breath before launching into the story. 

His bed is empty when you wake up. Your stomach sinks as you stare at his bedroom door left ajar. You can hear him in the kitchen talking, but you can’t quite make out what he’s saying. 

You take a deep breath before getting up. You had hoped he would sleep in with you. That cuddling in the morning would lead to confessions of hidden feelings. Your hopes diminished as you creeped down the hallway towards the kitchen. 

“No.” Bucky sounds anxious as he talks into the phone. “I’m telling you. I fucked up.” You step in the kitchen and he glances over his shoulder with wide eyes. “I’ve got to go. Bye.” He hangs up abruptly and turns to you with a tense smile. 

You give him a small smile in return. “Morning.” You tug at the hem of his t-shirt nervously as he stares at you. “We should-”

“I wanted to-” The two of you laugh awkwardly as you speak over one another. You hold your hand towards him. “You go first.” You move to sit at one of counter’s barstools. 

Bucky’s watching you with wary eyes and if his words to whoever was on that phone weren’t warning enough, this new demeanor around you certainly is. “You’re my best friend.” He comes to stand directly across from you. “And I care about you a lot. You’re one of the most important women in my life. I don’t want to ruin our relationship.” 

You nod slowly as he attempts to reject you kindly. If it weren’t so painful, you might laugh at how awkward he looks. “It’s not...” You trail off unsure of what to say. “Bucky, it’s not that serious. We’re fine.” You reach your hand across the counter palm up for him to take. 

His brows furrow. “You’re not mad at me?” He asks in confusion. “I thought-”

You shake your fingers and he smiles before holding your hand tightly in his. “It was consensual. With a guy I trust with my life. And it was great sex. I’m not mad at you.” You smile reassuringly. 

It’s not a lie. Not at all. Everything you said was true, you had just left out the part where you had been hoping for more. But you could get over this. A one time fling. You could survive it as long as you didn’t lose him. 

“You have no idea how relieved I am to hear that.” Bucky’s shoulders relax. The tension on his face transforms into a cocky smirk. “Great sex?” 

“That’s...” Wanda trails off as she digests your words. “Why didn’t you tell him how you feel?” She asks. 

You look at her with wide eyes. “What do you mean why didn’t I tell him? Should we start with me overhearing him telling someone how much he fucked up or his rejection for dummies speech?” You laugh sarcastically. 

Wanda gives you apologetic eyes. “How can you be sure he was talking to the person on the phone about you?” You scrunch your nose up at her and she sighs. “Okay, whatever. At least now you know he doesn’t want a relationship! You can move on and find someone with a bigger dick.” 

“Wanda!” You can’t help but laugh. You give her an appreciative smile before letting out a sigh.  “I don’t know... I guess I just always thought we’d end up together. It’s stupid.”

You trace your finger around the base of your wine glass. Wanda watches you for a moment before flagging down a waitress. She looks at you with a twinkle in her eye. “Can I get a round of tequila shots, please?” She asks. 

The waitress nods before walking away. “We’re going to get you drunk and make you forget all about Bucky Barnes.” 

You laugh softly. “Yes please.” 

》

Four glasses of wine and two rounds of shots leaves you struggling to get the key into your apartment door’s lock. 

“Fuck.” You mutter when you push too hard and the keys clatter against the floor. You sigh deeply before bending down to pick them. You lay one palm flat against your door in an attempt to steady your shaky feet as the other reaches for your keys. 

Then you’re falling forward and your shoulder hits the floor harshly. “Jesus, sweetheart. I thought you were some weirdo trying to break in.” You groan as you look up and see Bucky staring down at you with furrowed brows. 

He’s wearing nothing but sweatpants, his metal arm and abs on full display for you. You give him a dopey smile. “Hey, handsome.” 

He laughs loudly. It’s bright and contagious and makes you giggle as he bends down to lift you to your feet. “Missed you tonight.” He says softly as he wraps his arm around your waist.

You allow yourself to rest your bodyweight on him, knowing he’s strong enough to lead you to your room. His soft words leave you feeling like you’re floating. It’s like the night before had never happened. 

“Missed you too.” You whisper. Your words are slurred, not that you can change that, but you know he understands them. He presses a kiss to your head in response as he leads you down the hall and into a room. 

The room is spinning around you, but you know it’s Bucky’s from the blank walls and dark furniture. Bucky sits you down on the edge of his bed and your fingers immediately grip his comforter tightly. “Why’d you bring me here?” Your grip is the only thing that keeps you from falling backwards onto his bed. 

You try to focus your eyes on him, but he’s moving around the room too fast. From what you think is his dresser then his closet. “I’ve got to make sure you don’t choke on your own vomit tonight.” 

“‘M not gonna get sick.” You mumble as he comes to a stop in front of you. He holds out a pile of clothes to you. “I have my own clothes in my own room.” You stare up at him defiantly. 

You can see Bucky push his tongue against the inside of his cheek, a tell that he was getting a little annoyed. “C’mon sweets. Just put the clothes on and get in bed.” 

He’s still holding the clothes out in front of you. His earlier rejection running through your mind. “I’m not having sex with you tonight.” You blurt out. You would have never said the words sober, but you didn’t want him to think it would become a recurring thing. 

Bucky laughs awkwardly and drops the clothes on the bed beside you. “I’m not trying to have sex with you. I’m trying to take care of you and make sure you don’t die in your sleep.” 

Your eyes narrow, but you feel far too dizzy to actually get up and move to your room to prove a point. You lift your arms and look up at Bucky, “Help?” 

He smiles victoriously and reaches for the hem of your shirt. You can see his eyes trail over your bralette and feel your cheeks warm, but you blame that on the alcohol. 

“Do you want to sleep in this?” He whispers as his fingers trail over one of the straps. You shiver as one of his cold fingers presses into your skin and leaves goosebumps in its wake. 

You bite down on your lip, but nod your head. “I’ll be fine in it.” 

He nods and you raise your arms again as he slips one of his black t-shirts onto you. It’s soft and smells like him leaving you warm all over and suddenly tired. Your head falls so your chin is resting against your chest. 

Bucky kneels down in front of you. “Is it okay if I take your jeans off? So I can put sweatpants on you?” He moves his head so you’re forced to make eye contact with him as his hands come to rest on your stomach. He fiddles with your jean’s button, but doesn’t move to actually undo it yet. 

You nod softly before falling backwards onto the bed. Bucky’s hands move quickly as he unbuttons and unzips your jeans. There’s a sharp inhale once he gets your jeans off, but you ignore it.  

“Sweetheart.” You lift your hips when you feel his sweatpants get stuck underneath you. “Thank you.” He says quietly.  

“What did you do tonight?” You mumble as you move around his bed to crawl under the comforter. You wait until he’s situated beside you before pulling the blanket up to cover the bottom half of your face. 

He pulls the blanket down and holds out a wipe. “You complain when I let you fall asleep with the makeup.” 

Your eyes flicker to his in brief shock, unaware of how much he actually listened to you. “Than...Thank you.” You begin to wipe it across your face. It’s not your normal routine, but it was better than nothing. “Tell me about your night.” 

Bucky moves so he’s sitting against his headboard. “I just waited for you all night.” He shrugs. 

You drop the wipe onto the side table. “Shut up. What did you really do?” You shove gently at his shoulder. Bucky’s hand wraps around your wrist and he pulls you into him. 

He’s stronger when you’re sober, so your drunk body falls into his side easily and you wrap an arm around his waist. “I’m telling you the truth, sweets. I just waited all night for you.” He presses a kiss to your temple. 

You look up from his chest to find him looking down at you with soft eyes. He’s being kind and you’re sure all that he can think of is how happy he is that your friendship hasn’t been ruined. 

But all you can think about is how no matter how soft he is with you, he still doesn’t want to be with you. No matter how much he says he loves you and misses you, it’s not the sam way you mean it. It leaves a crack in your heart that you’re unsure will ever be healed. 

》•

She’s pretty. You think bitterly as you watch from across the room. 

Bucky’s firm had a party every few months for donors. Bucky hated them. He always complained that schmoozing wasn’t his specialty, law was, so you were usually dragged along as his plus one to “Keep me from dying of boredom, please.” 

You usually didn’t mind. Bucky flirted for money, you got to enjoy to open bar to cope with his non-existent feelings for you. Tonight felt even worse. 

You force yourself to look away and look back down at the drink in front of you. You’re glad Wanda isn’t there to look at you with the same pity filled eyes that you had been getting since revealing the details of your hook up, but you wish you had someone to turn to. 

“You look great in that dress.” Your head whips up at the familiar voice. Steve is smiling at you sweetly and you can tell he’s keeping his eyes respectfully on yours. “Definitely your color.” 

You laugh. You and Steve weren’t particularly close, he was a childhood friend and you were college. The two of you really only spent time together in groups or with Bucky there. “Thank you, Mr. Rogers.” You tease. 

“Please.” He throws his head back in an over dramatic groan. “Steve! So many people have called me Mr. Rogers tonight I’m going to fall into an identity crisis.” 

You give him an ill-suppressed smile. “Thank you, Steve.” He sits down in the barstool next to you and waves the bartender over. 

“Water for me and…” He glances at the empty glass in front of you, “another glass of wine for her?” His voice ends in a question and he smiles brightly when you nod. 

“I could be wrong, but aren’t you supposed to be flirting with rich women to fund your pro bono cases?” You run a finger around the base of your glass. 

Steve’s eyes trail from your manicured nails up to your teasing smile. He swallows and forces out a soft laugh. “I’m not too good at the flirting that’s uh-.” He looks over his shoulder before looking back at you with kind eyes. 

You ignore his insinuation. Ignore the idea of Bucky and Steve feeling pity for you over Bucky. “Everyone deserves a break.” 

The man in front of you gives you a relieved smile. “And what better way to take a break than talk to a pretty girl?” 

You smile sweetly. “You could get 100k easily with that charm.” Steve throws his head back in a laugh and his arm lands on the back of your seat when he leans back in. 

You find yourself leaning in too. He’s got a nice laugh and sweet personality. You can feel the warmth radiating off of him and it’s relaxing. 

For a moment, Bucky is forgotten as Steve gives you all his attention, the first person to do so all night.

》•

Bucky stops to stand next to Sam as he takes a sip of his drink. His eyes scan over the party in search of you. 

“Good for Steve.” Sam says into his glass before taking a sip of his drink. Bucky’s eyes cut to him in question. Sam nods in front of him and Bucky’s eyes settle on you at the bar. With Steve. 

“What do you mean good for Steve?” Bucky asks. He can’t take his eyes off of you as Steve slides a glass of wine towards you. 

Sam shrugs nonchalantly. “He’s had a crush on her since that Halloween party last year.” 

Bucky’s mind drifts to you in your skin tight superhero costume. He wasn’t blind, he had seen the guys who had come up to you and their eyes that had trailed after you. 

“He hasn’t said anything to me.” He feels a surge of pride at the fact that he can’t explain when he thinks of how at the end of the night, you had come home alone with him, content to sit on the couch and watch horror movies. “He’s not her type.” He adds on after a moment of silence. 

Bucky isn’t too confident in his words though. Steve seemed to be the perfect kind of guy for you. Kind, funny, made good money, and was always the guy who listened with open ears. Bucky just couldn’t fathom you with anybody that… He doesn’t know, but he knows Steve doesn’t feel right.

Sam snorts. “Yeah. Try telling you about wanting to take her out? He’d rather live.” Bucky watches as Steve leans in closer to whisper something into your ear. 

He feels rage surge through him, but forces himself to stay in his spot. “Not like we’re dating. He could have told me if he wanted to. Or made a move.” He wasn’t sure why he felt so angry about you and Steve. It wasn’t like you two were dating, he hadn’t lied to Sam.

Sam looks at Bucky like he’s grown two heads. “Come on, Buck. Not dating? You call her all these nicknames, never let other people flirt with her, always take her home.” 

“We live together.” Bucky defends weakly. His mind drifts to kissing you while wine drunk. He shakes his head. “Of course I take her home.” 

Sam looks a little bemused as he asks, “Are you two seriously not dating?” 

“Of course not! She’s my best friend.” He glances at Sam before looking back over at Steve. You’re leaning in too. It’s not like he was lying, the two of you weren’t dating. But he had brought you as his date tonight and he’ll be damned if Steve weasels his way into your heart. 

“I was just cur-“ Bucky shoves his empty glass into Sam’s hand before beginning to make his way through the crowd towards you. 

He can vaguely hear Sam shout a goodbye, but all he can focus on is getting your attention onto him and off of Steve. 

》

You feel him before you see him. His hand trailing up your back before landing on the spot where your neck meets your shoulder. His grip isn’t tight, but it makes you shiver. 

“What’s going on here?” His voice is a possessive drawl and you look up at him with a confused smile. 

You sit up straighter and Steve immediately pulls away. His blue eyes follow Bucky’s arm to his face and they narrow. “Just keeping her company. Noticed you were busy, so…” Steve trails off with a shrug.

Bucky’s grip on you tightens. “Well, I’m here now. You can go back to schmoozing.” He nods his head in the direction of the party, but Steve doesn’t budge. 

You’re extremely confused by Bucky’s sudden possessiveness over your attention and turn to him with an annoyed glare. “Actually, Steve was telling me about how that’s your specialty. He’s far too sweet to mindlessly flirt. ” 

You feel Steve’s shocked gaze on you, because he had definitely not said that, but you don’t look away from Bucky. His glare melts into a sickly sweet smile as he turns to look at his childhood friend. “That so?” 

Part of you feels bad for pushing Steve into the middle of whatever this tension was between you and Bucky. But you can’t ignore the pleasure that rushes through you as Bucky’s grip tightens and his attention focuses solely on you for the first time all night. 

Steve looks back and forth between you two before he stands from his seat. “It was nice seeing you.” He leans down and presses a kiss to your cheek before slapping a hand against Bucky’s back. “See you later, punk.”

You swallow as Bucky moves to take Steve’s now unoccupied seat. He orders a drink and you can only watch in shock as moves around so casually. When he finally looks back at you he just looks confused by your silence. 

“What’s up?” He asks with a smile. 

You roll your eyes at him. “What was that?” You gesture in the direction Steve had gone before looking at him with wide eyes. 

Bucky looks down at his drink and shrugs. “Didn’t want anyone bothering you.” 

“Anyone bothering me? That was Steve!” You laugh incredulously. “I know Steve. You know Steve. He was keeping me company.” You can’t wrap your head around his random behavior. 

Bucky shakes his head like you’re the one who’s being confusing and acting weird. “You just looked a little uncomfortable. I came to your rescue.” He gulps down the rest of his drink. 

“My rescue?” You shake your head at him. “Buck, it was Steve. Steve Rogers is one of the most polite men in New York.” 

Bucky shakes his head. “He likes you. Sam said he was definitely trying to make a move on you.” He immediately feels bad for blurting out Steve’s secret, but he just can’t let it go. 

You scrunch your face up in confusion before letting out a breath. “That’s not your secret to tell.” You grab your clutch and stand up quickly. “Why would that even matter anyways?” You look down at him now, he’s still sitting on the barstool. He won’t look up at you.

“Can we just go home?” He asks quietly as he taps his fingers against the bar counter. You bite down on your lip before finally nodding. “Fine.” He lets out a sigh before standing to follow you. 

You’re shocked when you feel his fingers slip in between yours as the two of you walk towards the elevators. Holding hands with Bucky wasn’t new, per say, you’d done it at bars to get out of creepy guys flirting with you, amusement parks so as to not lose one another, but this… This felt different, softer and more insecure. 

You swallow before squeezing his hand in return. You hear the relieved breath he lets out as the two of you stop in front of the closed elevator doors. 

He whispers your name with a tug of your hand. You turn to look at him as the two of you step into the empty elevator. “I didn’t… I didn’t mean to screw things up with Steve. I just… I don’t know.” 

Your heart breaks a little. You weren’t sure what you expected. Maybe an admission of jealousy, that Bucky realized he didn't want you with Steve or any other guy, he wanted you with him. But the words never came and you feel stupid for letting your hopes get the best of you.

You shrug. “It’s fine, Buck.” The elevator is slow in its descent. You almost groan when you see how high you are and the fifteen floors left to go down. “I don’t like Steve… I just… It was nice to have some company. You were busy all night.” 

You try to hide the emotion in your voice, but Bucky can hear it. He can see it too, written on your face as you try to keep your eyes on the descending numbers. 

Your words cause a wave of relief to crash over him. You didn’t like Steve. You didn’t like Steve. He felt bad for his friend, but not bad enough to stop his next move.

He tugs at your hand again. The elevator is almost all the way down if you could just ignore him for a few more seconds-

His lips are on yours before you even have a chance to think about why he’s pulling you towards him. You’re still with shock, your hands clasped between you two, as Bucky kisses you. 

You don’t kiss back, too stunned to. Bucky pulls back when the elevator finally dings and you try to rush out only to be stopped when you realize you’re still attached to Bucky’s hand. 

“What the fuck was that?” You hiss. “You can’t just… Just flip out about Steve flirting, tell me you’re not jealous and then kiss me!” You yell.

Bucky swallows thickly and glances around the empty lobby. “I… It…”

You stare at him with lifted brows waiting for an explanation. “You need to figure your shit out, Buck. I said I was fine if you wanted it to be a one time thing but I’m not here for you to yank around.” 

“I’m not trying to yank you around!” Bucky defends. “I just… What if it wasn’t just a one time thing?” He asks quietly, his voice almost a whisper. 

You want to cry. “Wh...What?” You ask with a shake of your head. 

“I feel like such a dick.” He admits taking a hesitant step closer to you. When you don’t move away, he places a hand on your cheek. “Stuff with work has been so stressful lately and… and I never have the time or energy to do anything. The other night, with you, was the most relaxed I’ve been in a while.” 

“What are you saying?” 

“I’ve been thinking of us helping each other out.” 

“Like a friends with benefits thing?” You blurt out when you realize where he was going with this. 

He nods. “I just… Got to thinking after you left that morning. It was great sex, best I’ve had in a while.” You swallow and your eyes dart away a little embarrassed. “And I know you and don’t have to worry about you giving me some disease. We live together and we wouldn’t have to go out or wait for some random hook up.” 

You can’t really wrap your head around his words. “But you don’t want… You don’t want to have a relationship?” 

“You know me.” He laughs tensely. “Not a relationship guy. I love you, you’re my best friend, but-“

“That’s good.” Your blurt, already regretting the words. “I mean, I love you, you’re my best friend too, you know? Neither of us really have time for one anyways and… Life is stressful.” 

“You… You want to? Do the benefits thing?” Bucky looks like he can’t believe that you’re agreeing. Quite honestly, you can’t really believe the words coming out of your mouth either. 

Because you liked Bucky. You had for so long now it felt like it was a piece of you. You were sure you loved him. You were sure he didn’t feel the same way and this… This was a way to be with him, no matter how fucked up it may be. 

And life was stressful. A full time job with New York City rent and bills. You hated going out. You hate hook ups, they always left you disgruntled and disappointed. Bucky had… Bucky had been good. The best, probably. And it would be nice to have someone other than yourself every once in a while. 

“Yeah.” You whisper. “I… I want to. I’m kind of sick of my hand.” 

Bucky snorts then laughs and it immediately calms you down. He was still your Bucky. Just with the added bonus of sex. “Me too, sweets.” 

He presses a kiss to your forehead and pulls you into a hug. You suck in a deep breath. “I think you said something about going home.” You mumble into his suit jacket. 

“Yeah.” He whispers back, tilting your chin up to look up. He smirks down at you. “I did.” 

》

“Fuck. Fuck.” You moan as Bucky kisses down your chest. “Please, Buck.” You whimper when his right hand comes up and begins to play with your nipple. 

He doesn’t respond, his tongue flicking over your other nipple. You’re arching your back into him, it feels good, but you want more. His left hand is settled on your hip and you want it on you in a different way. 

You groan when he pulls away to look at you. “What do you want, sweetheart? You gotta tell me or I won’t be able to give it to you.” His tone is sweet, but he’s looking at you with blown pupils and a cocky smile. 

“Your fingers, Buck, please.” You try to lift your hips up a little, but his left hand keeps you pressed against his mattress. You look at him pleadingly when he still doesn’t move. “Please, James.” You murmur. 

You didn’t call him by his first name often, he had introduced himself as Bucky and you hadn’t even learned it until a few months later. Sometimes you pulled it out to tease him, but tonight… You wanted to see if it would push him. 

“Fuck.” He mutters, leaning over you and beginning to press a line of kisses down your stomach all the way to your pelvic bone. “Fuck, that’s hot. Say it again.” 

You throw your head back in a moan when his hand begins to rub you through your panties. “James. I need you to-“ 

“Gonna give you more than my fingers, sweets.” He hooks fingers in the waistband of your panties and yanks them down. “Finally gonna get a taste of you, if that’s okay.” He glances at you and you nod hastily.

“God. Yes, please.” Your eyes flutter shut as his hands force your thighs open. His grip on you is tight and harsh and makes your entire body tingle. 

“So pretty.” He murmurs just watching you. If you weren’t so turned on you would be embarrassed by his stare, but his words just make you even more desperate for him. He settles on his stomach, head between your thighs. He begins to bite and kiss his way up your inner thigh. “Been thinking about this since you let me fuck you, sweetheart.” He admits in a murmur before finally putting his mouth on you. “Thinking about how you taste.”

“Oh shit.” You moan, a combination of the pleasure of his tongue and his words giving you butterflies. “Yes. Fuck.” 

“Knew you’d taste good.” He moans, the words go straight to your core and he knows it. He knows what he’s doing. His hands gripping at your hips tightly, thumbs rubbing calming circles into your skin. He flicks his tongue over your sensitive spot and your back arches. “So good.” You murmur breathily. Your hands are clutching the bed sheets as you try to grind your hips up. 

Bucky pulls one hand away, it gives you a little more freedom to move but not much, and begins to tease you with a finger. 

“Yes. Please, your fingers.” You beg him. Bucky chuckles against you, sending hot breath and a small vibration straight to your core. It feels good, he’s good. 

He pulls away slightly and you whine. “Come on, sweets.” He urges, pushing his finger into you. You moan at the feeling. “What happened to calling me James? Said I liked it.” He adds another, your slick heat allowing them easily.

“James.” You look down at him with blown pupils. Bucky almost comes right there, his fingers inside of you, your chest heaving and you looking at him like that. “James. Please. Want your mouth on me again.” 

Now that you’ve started saying his name, it’s like you can’t stop. The name tumbles out of your mouth like a prayer. He rewards you for it though, his mouth is back on you, licking over you steadily, and you can feel the tension in your stomach the closer and closer you get. 

“So good.” Bucky murmurs into your skin. You moan out again. “Gonna come for me, sweetheart?” He pulls away to ask, his breath fanning across your skin. Your hips buck up towards him in desperation and Bucky groans. “Come on, sweets. Can you come for me? Please.” 

He curves his fingers and flicks his tongue over your already sensitive bud again and your back arches. “Fuck. Fuck.” You moan as your orgasm washes over you. Bucky works you through it and your legs are shaking by the time he pulls his mouth away to smile cheekily at you. 

“I like it when you call me James.” He whispers as he crawls up towards you. You roll you eyes with a tired smile. He fingers trace circles over you stomach. “You tired?”

You nod your head. Your eyes trail over his body, his hard dick making an obvious tent in his briefs. You smirk at him, your hand moving to trail down from his stomach to his dick. Bucky moans as your hand grips him. 

“Still want you to fuck me though.”

》•

Bucky thinks maybe the two of you should establish some ground rules. No dates, if you sleep with somebody else let the other know, use protection, don’t fall asleep together. 

But he can’t imagine the two of you not having your regular Sunday breakfasts together after his runs or forcing you out of his room when the two of you had shared beds long before this ever happened. 

So, he ignores it. He decides to enjoy your warmth in his bed and assumes you’re not seeing anybody else. It’s good. It works, even if his friends think he’s being an idiot. 

Steve is on one side while Sam is on his other and they’ve both been standing in silence now that Bucky has finished explaining what happened when the two of you left the party.

He feels bad when he sees Sam’s eyes flicker to Steve in confusion, but Steve’s face holds more pity than annoyance. It makes Bucky feel uncomfortable in his spot as he takes a sip of water.

“I don’t understand why you’re not calling her your girlfriend.” Steve finally says. 

Bucky rolls his shoulders with an annoyed sigh. “I just said. We’re both busy with work and friends, there’s no time for relationships. This works for the both of us. We don’t have to rely on shitty hookups and we trust each other.” 

Steve gives Bucky a look that screams you’re an idiot while Sam just laughs loudly. “You have to know how ridiculous that sounds, dude.” Sam slaps a hand against Bucky’s back. “You guys live together. You have all the time in the world to actually date each other. I thought you guys were dating each other with how you act. you’re having sex now and you still won’t call her your girlfriend?” He asks incredulously. 

“I...I don’t want a relationship. It leads to marriage and kids and fights.” Bucky shudders. “No thanks. This way I get great sex and my best friend.”

Steve sighs heavily. “She deserves better than that, Buck. You know that.” His voice is full of disappointment. The same tone Bucky has been getting for years when it came to his relationships. 

“Like you?” His tone is defensive and his words are meaner than they should be. Bucky knows all Steve wants is for his friends to be happy. “She’s a grown woman. She can decide who she wants to have sex with.” 

“Come on, Buck. You’re not an idiot. She’s had a crush on you for years.” Steve lets out an exasperated sigh. “This is a great way to drive her away and lose her for good.” 

“I’m not-”

“All,” Steve raises his voice to cut Bucky off, “I’m saying is she’ll figure out this isn’t what she wants and find someone who can give it to her. Then you’ll be left in the dust realizing what an idiot you were for letting your irrational fears talk you out of being with her.”

Bucky runs his tongue over his lips. “Who? Are you gonna steal her?” 

Steve rolls his eyes. “Will it be stealing when you’re the one who drives her away?”

》

His bed is empty when you wake up, but that’s no surprise, you knew Bucky ran Sunday mornings with the guys. You almost expect to feel more shame or pain over falling into this friends with benefits thing. But, you feel okay. Bucky was still your best friend. Just with mind-blowing sex. He didn’t kick you out at night and didn’t seem put off by you. 

Your phone vibrates somewhere in his room from the inside of your clutch. You groan and finally move to sit up. Bucky has picked your things up and folded everything into a neat pile on the top of his dresser. Your clutch is sitting on the top of the pile and you can see the vibrations of your phone shaking it slightly. 

You pick his shirt up from the floor and slide it on before reaching for your underwear underneath the clutch. 

When you pull your phone out you see a few missed calls from Wanda, one last night the one you’ve just missed. You crawl into Bucky’s bed again and call her back. 

“Hey!” You smile at Wanda’s voice. “I called you last night, but I forgot you had that lawyer thing.” You can imagine her nose scrunching up in disgust at the idea. 

You mess with a loose thread on the comforter. “Yeah. Buck dragged me along.” There’s silence on the other end. You sigh heavily. “Shit. Wanda. You’ll never guess what I did last night.” 

Your eyes take in the room. Bucky doesn’t have many decorations or knick knacks, but he has a couple pictures sitting on his nightstand. You move to his side of the bed and pick one of them up. 

“You go home together?” Wanda doesn’t need to guess, there’s a twinge of disappointment in her voice but all you can focus on is the sadness you hear. Like she’s just hurting for you at this point. 

You stare down at the photo in your hand. It’s from Bucky’s last birthday. “We live together.” You defect. The photo is the two of you sitting at your kitchen counter with two glasses of wine in front of you. The wine is red and you can faintly see it staining both of your lips. His arm is wrapped loosely around your waist and you’re pressing a kiss his cheek. The photo makes your heart ache. “You sleep in your room?” Wanda laughs. You drop the photo on the bed in front of you. “You’ve gotta tell him. Tell him how you feel, really.” She urges you. 

You’re shaking your head even though she can’t see you. “It’ll ruin everything.” You say quietly. Losing him would be worse than loving him like this. “We... We agreed on a benefits thing last night. I think it can work.” 

“That’s a great way to get hurt.” Wanda says. You glance at the other picture he has sitting on his nightstand. 

It’s a photo of him and Steve. The two of them are children standing with hands wrapped tightly around the straps of their backpacks and they’ve got bright smiles on their faces. You smile at the sight, both boys happy, carefree and full of life.

Bucky’s left arm is still flesh in the photograph. He doesn’t talk about the accident much, he had come out with one arm and a completely changed person. Sometimes you wonder if things would be different if it had never happened.

You hear the front door slam shut. “I’ve gotta go! I’ll talk to you later.” You hang up before Wanda can say anything else. You leave the picture frame sitting in the bed, moving quickly from Bucky’s room to your own. 

》•

Bucky’s bedroom door is open when he gets home, but you’re nowhere to be found. Your clothes still sit on his dresser and there’s a picture frame partially covered by his comforter that makes Bucky pause.

It’s his favorite picture of you two, wine stained lips and happiness radiating off of you. He wonders what had made you grab it and what had made you drop it. Steve’s words come to mind she’s had a crush on you for years. 

Bucky wasn’t an idiot. He had seen the nervous smiles and bright eyes in college, he had done everything he could to stay just friends with you and it had seemed to work. You had moved on. Boyfriends and flings had come and gone, your eyes had shifted into a caring stare and you stopped nervously fidgeting with your hands around him, so Bucky had assumed your crush went away. Even now there was nothing that really stood out as you liking him. It sounded like Steve was making assumptions to mess with Bucky’s head. And it was working.

He stares at the picture for another moment before placing it back on his nightstand. Bucky wasn’t afraid of relationships, Steve was wrong, he just hated how they ended. He wasn’t afraid of holding hands or expensive dates, he was afraid of the unavoidable hurt and falling out of love that would cause him to lose you.

He couldn’t lose you.

“Bucky?” Your voice jolts him from his thoughts and his head turns from the photo to you, standing in his doorway in nothing but his t-shirt and a pair shorts. “What should we order for lunch?”

Bucky lets out a deep breath before smiling up at you. “We should get some wraps from that cafe down the block.”

“That sounds good.” You smile. Your eyes move over him and Bucky has to look away. You’ve always been good at studying him and knowing if something was up. “Everything okay?”

Bucky shakes his head. “I’m just thinking.” He offers a tense smile that makes you step further into his room. Bucky’s eyes move from your bare feet up your legs to your face that’s watching him with concerned eyes.

“That can’t be good.” You tease as you take a seat next to him. You rest your head against his shoulder and Bucky feels a little calmer with you next to him. “What’s got you spacing out like that, Buck?” You ask gently.

“You’re not…” Bucky swallows thickly and looks down at his lap. “You’re not gonna leave me, right? This isn’t gonna fuck us up?”

He feels you tense against his side and begins to panic until your hand intwines with his. “Not if we promise not to let it fuck us up. You’re my best friend, Buck. I don’t wanna lose you either.”

“I promise.” Bucky squeezes your hand. “Do you?”

You squeeze his hand in return, but don’t say anything. Bucky takes the action as promise enough.

》•

Days turn into weeks which turn into months and suddenly it’s November, fall in New York becoming winter much sooner than expected. The cold bites at your cheeks and seeps into your bones. Bucky becomes your warmth despite the constant ache in your heart at what you really are to him. 

Bucky comes into your room or you sneak into his. You ignore the looks from your friends when you all go out and don’t heed to any of Wanda’s advice.

The lines are blurred to you, because it feels like you’re in a relationship. It’s almost like you’ve fallen into one naturally. It’s not just secret sex in the middle of the night. It’s all your normal things, reading together on Sundays and watching your favorite show together Saturday nights. Only now it’s started to include footsie and make-out sessions.

There are some nights the two of you go out, whether it to be to dinner or to see a new movie, and they feel like dates. Bucky never lets you pay and holds your hand in the theater.

You almost want to ask him Why. Why aren’t we official? Why can’t you call me your girlfriend? But you’re far too afraid. For every small gesture that feels like love, there are nights out with your friends where Bucky ignores your existence or awkward introductions to coworkers you run into at the movie theater. 

Life moves on though. Day by day. Even if feels like you’re on a train moving full steam ahead towards a wall and impact is inevitable. 

It’s nice to have a taste of what it could be like to have him. 

》•

It blows up on a Thursday night, at eight thirty-two pm, to be exact. 

Bucky didn’t feel like cooking, he was relieved when you had suggested going out to grab dinner, but now he just wishes the two of you had stayed home.

There’s a tense and awkward silence as the two of you walk home. You’re about ten feet in front of him and not talking at all, it honestly looks more like he’s some creep following you home at this point. If he weren’t so upset he would probably laugh at the scene. 

If Bucky had just kept his mouth shut.

“Oh my god.” You groan, slouching down in your seat and covering your face with your hands. “Fuck.”

Bucky looks between you and the entrance of the restaurant confused by your sudden annoyance. “What’s wrong?” He asks leaning towards you.

“I went to high school with that girl.” You whisper. “We were friends until I stole her boyfriend.” You roll your eyes.

Bucky chokes on his drink mid-sip. “You stole her boyfriend? Right on! I didn’t know you had that in you.” He laughs, completely shocked by the idea of a you in high school who steals guys when all he’s ever known is the sweet, loyal girl.

“I didn’t actually steal her boyfriend!” You hiss. Bucky notices the girl do a double take when her eyes catch on you. “He broke up with her and asked me to prom two weeks later so she assumed I stole him. She hated me and made the last few months of senior year absolute shit for me.” You explain slipping further into your seat before taking a heavy sip of wine.

“Incoming.” He chuckles as she makes a beeline for your table. You sit up ramrod straight when her hand lands on your shoulder and your name comes out in a fake giggle.

“Eliza.” Your smile is equally as fake as you stand up to offer her a quick hug. “How are you?” Bucky watches with amused eyes as Eliza launches into a story about her boyfriend, who’s watching the scene with bored eyes from across the restaurant.

He smiles awkwardly when the two of you turn to face him. “This is my boyfriend, Bucky.” You smile tightly at the woman and Bucky watches uncomfortably as she trails her eyes over him. “Really?” Eliza asks.

“Just friends, actually.” Bucky can’t stop the words from tumbling out of his mouth with an awkward laugh.

Your eyes narrow at him before they flicker away. Bucky watches in what feels like slow motion as your shoulders hunch in and you close yourself off, absolutely embarrassed as Eliza turns to you with a proud smirk. “Is that right?” Her tone is nasty and Bucky is filled with regret immediately, but there’s nothing he can do because you’re grabbing your purse and jacket and storming away.

Eliza smiles at him. “She’s always been one for the dramatics.” Bucky shakes his head as he pulls out some bills and leaves them on the table, moving the chase after you. “Thanks.” He says to the woman sarcastically as he pushes past her.

That had lead him here, trailing after you silently, as you fume from a distance. “Sweetheart, come on.” Bucky pleads. The words make you freeze and spin around to face him. 

Bucky stumbles backwards as you walk towards him with fury in your eyes and your finger pointed at him accusingly. “Don’t call me that.” 

“I’ve always called you sweetheart,” Bucky frowns. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to embarrass you. I just-”

“You didn’t embarrass me, James.” Bucky flinches as you spit out his first name like it’s poison. “You humiliated me. Was it really that big a deal? That I introduced you as my boyfriend? Does the idea of dating me disgust you that much?” 

Bucky throws his hands out in front of him in a defensive gesture. “No! I just... We’re not dating. You know that!” He shakes his head. “I mean, dating you doesn’t disgust me... I just... You know?” 

You raise your eyebrows at him. “No. I don’t know.” You say coldly. “It’s not like we’re not dating. You have to see that.” 

“See what?” Bucky asks, completely exasperated. “We do everything we used to do and sometimes have sex.” 

“Oh my god!” Your laugh sounds manic as you pause and look up at the sky like you’re searching for an answer. “Have you ever thought that maybe we weren’t ever just friends, Bucky? That we didn’t act like normal best friends do?” You cross your arms and look back at him. 

Yes. Bucky thinks immediately. “No!” He swallows. “I’ve always seen you as my best friend! Never... Never...” He’s dug himself a deeper and deeper hole every time he’s opened his mouth, but this is the nail in his coffin. He says your name gently, but you’re already backing away, hurt all over your face. 

“I guess I read everything wrong then.” You say quietly. “These stupid dates and us falling asleep together at night. All the holding hands and cuddling, right?” Your voice is filled with wet emotion and Bucky is sure if it wasn’t so dark outside he would see tears brimming your eyes. “You do that with all your friends. I mean nothing.”

“That’s not what I said!” Bucky exclaims. “You know you’re one of the most important women in my life. Please. Don’t do this.” He pleads. 

“I’m done. Okay? This stupid benefits thing? These friend dates, Sunday mornings together, movies? Done with all of it.” You hiss. You suck in a deep breath, like you’re preparing to deliver the final blow. Bucky braces himself. “You wanna be just friends? I’ll do you one better, we can be just roommates. That way there’s no confusion.”

Bucky can only stand still, watching as you walk away. 

》

Wanda has a kind enough heart to not say I told you so, when you show on her doorstep with mascara running down your cheeks. She just pulls you inside by your arm and wraps her softest blanket around your shoulders. 

“What happened?” She places a cup of tea on her coffee table in front of you. You can vaguely hear Vision trying to move around in the kitchen as quietly as possible. There’s an unspoken question that lingers in the air. What did Bucky do?

You sniffle. “We ran into Eliza tonight.” Wanda’s eyes widen and you nod. “I… I introduced Bucky as my boyfriend. It just slipped out, but he totally panicked and corrected me right to her face. I was so humiliated, I bolted.”

Wanda takes the seat beside you on the couch. “That’s awful. I can’t believe that idiot,” she hisses the word, “couldn’t put aside his dumb fears for five seconds and just have your back.”

You rub your eyes harshly. “That’s not the worst part of the night. I think the worst part was when he reiterated we were just friends and that he’s never seen me as anything more than that.” 

Wanda’s mouth drops open in shock and you can even hear Vision murmur something along the lines of oh shit in the kitchen. 

“Good way to get hurt, huh?” You reiterate Wanda’s words from weeks ago and her face falls into a look a pity. “I’m so stupid. Why did I even agree to doing benefits with him?”

“We all do dumb things when we love someone.” She says soothingly as she rubs her hand across your back. “I know this hurts, but look at the silver lining. Now you can move on, for real. Bucky’s made his intentions clear and you can find someone better.” 

You look at her sadly. “What if there isn’t someone better?” You almost choke on your own breath as you talk through your tears. “What if no one makes me feel that way?”

Wanda shakes her head and reaches up to grip your chin between her fingertips. It forces you to look into her blazing eyes. “Bucky’s nothing more than a man with commitment issues. We’re in New York City, there are millions of them. And for every Bucky, there’s a…a…”

“Vision.” You offer up with a teasing smile. Wanda blushes, but nods. “There’s a Vision. And yours is out there, he was just waiting for Bucky to fuck up.” 

You let out a choke laugh. “Yeah…” You trail off. “Can I crash here? I don’t think I can-“

“-Of course.” Wanda cuts you off. “For as long as you need.”

》

Bucky doesn’t even want to go inside. He just stands outside his apartment door staring blankly at the lock. It doesn’t feel like home without you there. 

You haven’t been home in three days and if it weren’t for your instagram stories with Wanda and Vision, Bucky would think you were dead.

You haven’t reached out at all, he isn’t sure if you had come by the apartment to grab personal things and when he had asked the guys if they had heard from you, Steve had just given him an I told you this would happen lecture. 

Bucky feels like a fucking idiot. Bucky is a fucking idiot. He shoves his key into the lock with a sigh. 

“Bucky?” A voice calls out. It makes him freeze in the doorway. It’s your voice. He’s sure it is. Nobody else had a key to the apartment. You pop out of the kitchen with a smile. “It is you!”

Your demeanor has done a complete flip. There’s no harsh stare or fiery eyes, just smiles. It leaves his head spinning. For the past three days he’s been trying to figure out how to make things better and you’re…fine? 

“He…hey.” He pushes the word out. “Um. What are you doing here?” 

Your brows furrow. “I live here?” You laugh softly before turning back into the kitchen. Bucky follows you dumbly, completely awestruck by your sudden reappearance. 

“I thought… I thought you were mad at me?” He asks hesitantly. 

“I was. Now I’m not.” You shrug. You move around the kitchen easily, putting groceries away that Bucky hadn’t even noticed with his entire focus on you. 

He moves towards you. “Sweetheart-“

You interrupt him with your name and suddenly the fire is back in your eyes. Oh. This isn’t Bucky’s best friend coming back into his life. 

It’s his roommate coming back home. 

Just like you had promised. 

》•

Bucky tries to catch you some days. He’ll tilt his head in an attempt to force your eyes to meet his while you talk about nothing after he gets home from work. 

You always avoid them, terrified one look into the blue you’ve loved for so long and you’ll crumble at his feet. You chatter about nothing important, the weather outside and your neighbor upstairs who always stomps around at four in the morning. 

Bucky always listens intently and you begin to feel a little guilty for cutting him out completely. You just needed some time to get over him, then one day you could come home and watch Law and Order with him again and cook dinner together. 

But for now, you pretend he’s nothing more than a roommate and like you’re not desperately in love with him. 

It’ll work. It has to work. 

》

Your name is like honey coming from Steve’s lips. He’s got a kind smile on his face as he hands over your coffee. He had slipped behind you in line at the coffee shop with a sheepish hello.

“You didn’t have to do that.” You say softly as you take it from him. “I can pay for my own coffee.” You can see the ingredients scribbled onto the side of his paper cup and it makes you smile into your sip.

Steve Rogers had a sweet tooth. 

“Day off? Or just a break?” You hold the coffee shop door open for him to follow you out onto the street. Steve gives you a thankful smile. 

“Break. I’m heading back to the office now.” He takes a sip of his drink. There were two weeks left of November and the streets of New York were doing their annual flip. Christmas lights going up too early and gloomy skies overhead.

You walk beside him, one hand shoved into your pocket. “Mind if I walk with you? I’m off today and I am so bored just sitting around the apartment.” 

“Not at all!” Steve answers quickly. There’s a slight flush on his cheeks that you attribute to the wind nipping at both your cheeks. “I could use the company of someone other than corporate lawyers.” 

You laugh at his dramatic eye roll. “You know most of your friends work at that firm.” Steve gives you an unapologetic smile. “Two friends and I can admit they can both be dicks sometimes.” 

He looks at you like he knows something and you swallow, turning to look straight ahead of you. “I disagree.” You finally say after a moment. He looks down at you with furrowed eyebrows. “Sam is always a sweetheart.”

That startles a laugh out of Steve, who looks at you with a shine in his eyes. He shakes his head and looks down at the sidewalk in front of him. “You okay? I know that-“ 

“-I’m fine.” You cut him off. You look up at him with a half smile. “And we don’t have to talk about it. In fact, let’s not.” You force out a laugh and Steve nods slowly.

You end up walking the rest of the way in a comfortable silence. Steve has a reassuring presence, something you don’t think you’ve ever even realized until now. Warmth radiates off of his body and his eyes give everything he feels away. Steve is a good apple. At least that’s what your grandmother would say if she had met him.

“This is me.” Steve says softly as he slows to a stop outside the corporate building. If you look around you’ll notice every building near by looks almost exactly the same. “Thanks for walking with me.” He says softly with a nervous smile.

You smile back. “Thanks for buying me coffee.” You hold it up towards him as if to show him. “And for letting me tag along.”

Steve shakes his head. You’re sure he has to get back to work soon, you know their days are usually full and small breaks like this were just that - small. “You don’t have to thank me. I… I like hanging out with you. You’re cool.” He scrunches his nose up when he realizes what he’s just said but you giggle.

“Cool?” You ask with a teasing smile. Steve looks down at his feet with red dusting his cheeks. “I think you’re cool too.” The words are soft as you nudge his boot clad foot with yours.

Steve looks up with bright eyes. “Yeah?” You nod and he smiles to himself. “We should… We should hang out more.” He suggests hesitantly.

Your eyes widen as you look at him. Steve looks about two seconds away from being sick with nerves and it’s sweet. Completely and utterly tooth rottingly sweet that someone is this nervous around you. Your heart picks up at him wanting to hang out more.

“Like dates?” You question quietly. Steve turns a bright shade of right and you’re reminded of Bucky blurting his secret out weeks ago. “I would like that.” You don’t give him a chance to respond to your first question.

He smiles so bright that you’re blinded by it. “Yeah?” You nod with a small smile. “Yeah. Now go back to work!” You shove his shoulder lightly which makes him laugh. “You have my number.”

He’s nodding happily as he backs away. “I do! I’ll text you?”

“Please!” You laugh as he pushes through the glass doors backwards, almost running over a women. He smiles awkwardly at her before facing you once again. You wave as he disappears into the crowd of people. 

When he’s out of sight you let out a sigh. He was kind and incredibly endearing. Steve was a man every woman would be lucky to date. Why did you feel so guilty for flirting then? 

You know why. 

You ignore it.

》

Bucky watches with pursed lips from his spot by the front desk as you and Steve chat outside. He tries his best to read lips, but your both standing at an angle that makes it near impossible.

“You’re not creepy at all.” The voice makes him jump and he turns to look at Sam, leaning against the opposite side of the reception desk. Martha, the woman who runs the desk, looks between them in amusement. “Steve is some kind of psychic, huh?” He snorts.

Bucky turns his glare onto Sam. “It’s not my fault they’re out there for everyone to see.” He snaps before turning his eyes back on the scene in front of him.

Sam laughs loudly and Bucky watches his Steve embarrasses himself by running into a girl leaving the building. He would feel better about it, if he couldn’t see you smiling brightly at the man.

Bucky loves Steve, but he wants nothing more than to punch him in the face for not staying away from you. Even though Bucky is fully aware you’re both adults with minds of you own, he had never imagined Steve would actually sweep you off your feet.

When Steve makes his way towards Sam and Bucky, Sam has got a cheesy smile on his face and Bucky can do nothing but glare. “Got myself a date, boys.” He smacks a hand against Bucky’s back.

“It’s like… She was run right into my arms.” He smirks before making his way towards the elevator. Sam follows behind Steve with another loud laugh.

Bucky is left standing in the lobby alone. He watches your form retreat across the street and sighs. He had made a mess of things, huh?

》

You can’t get the dress to zip up all the way. You’ve tried a multitude of angles, from pulling the dress up and trying to reach it over your shoulder to almost breaking your arm at an awkward angle.

You sigh in defeat as you stand in front of your mirror. You can hear Bucky in his room across the hall, music playing a little too loud and his footsteps around the room. He’s got his cleaning playlist on, it forces a small smile to appear on your face.

You suck in a deep breath. Roommates helped each other with zippers. It was normal, Bucky could help you with a zipper.

“Bucky.” You knock softly on his door. There’s no answer, he probably can’t hear anything over the music. You knock harder. “Bucky?” The music stops and you suck in a nervous breath.

His door flies open and his eyes widen when he sees you standing in the half zipped dress. His eyes narrow. “What’s up?”

Your fingers fidget in front of your stomach as you look at him nervously. “Can you… Can you help me zip the rest of the way? I just can’t get it.” You admit sheepishly.

Bucky nods. “Turn around.” He orders softly and you do as he says. His fingers find the zipper stuck halfway up your back and your breath hitches. You think you hear his do the same as he begins to pull it up slowly.

It’s a tense silence as his hands rest on your back for a second too long. When he drops them back to his side, you turn to look at him. He shuts his eyes tightly and sighs. “Listen. About what happened-“

There’s a knock at your door that makes you step away. You look at Bucky apologetically. “I’m sorry. I’ve got to go.” You take a few stumbling steps away.

You feel his eyes on you as you move through the apartment and collect your purse and jacket. When you open the door, Steve is standing there with flowers and it makes you pause.

Bucky’s bedroom door slams shut when you pull the flowers into your own hand. His music starts playing again as you get them into water. You and Steve smile awkwardly at each other.

When Steve’s hand lands on your lower back to guide you out of the building, all you can think is Bucky’s hands there earlier, warmer and somehow softer, you try to ignore how wrong it feels.

You were moving on. It would get better.

》•

Bucky’s pathetic. That much he knows. Four drinks in and he’s missing you desperately. All he can think about is Steve’s hand on your back and how you look in that red dress.

Did you know it was Steve’s favorite color? Is that why you had worn it? He had seen the black lace of your bra underneath when zipping the dress for you, had you worn that on purpose too? 

He feels like he’s hit rock bottom. Like it can’t get worse than this. His best friend on a date with his other best friend who he wasn’t talking to anymore because he wanted a friends with benefits thing. 

I had other friends, he thinks. Friends who I could stand to lose. Why did I want her? Why did I do that?

Annoyingly enough, Steve’s voice is what answers him. You’re in love with her. The words make Bucky jolt up in his seat because, well, he’s never thought that before. He’s always known he loved you in a platonic sense and that he cared for you deeply, but being in love with you?

That can’t be it. Bucky didn’t really do being in love. He’s seen what that does to people. He saw what it did to his mother, heartbroken and left with two kids to raise on her own. He’s seen what heartbreak has done to Becca, who used to lock herself away in her room and spend hours crying over boys who weren’t worth it.

He snorts to himself, taking another sip of his drink. They say you can only go up from from rock bottom. Bucky thinks he’s got some kind of special ability to go lower though as he stares at his phone. 

He wants to text you and beg you to come home. He calls his mom instead. “Ma?” He asks quietly when she picks the phone up. “It’s Bucky.”

“I have caller ID. I know.” She lets out a laugh. “What’s up? You sound upset, my love.” She asks gently.

“I fucked up, Ma.” Bucky admits after a moment of silence. “I…” 

“What’s wrong? What happened?” She sounds panicked and Bucky immediately feels bad for worrying her. 

“No I mean, like, with Y/N. I fucked up with her.” He explains. His mother inhales sharply at the sound of his best friends name.

“What happened?” She asks softly, almost knowingly.

“We… I… I’m not meant for relationships? You know? Love? It always ends bad so I told her we could just be friends with some benefits.” He feels a little embarrassed sharing this with his mother, but he doesn’t have anybody else to turn to. “And I fucked it up. I wanted to have my cake and eat it too.” Bucky can admit that he blurred the lines. That he didn’t treat you like just a friend, but when had he ever? You’d always been a little closer than normal friends. 

“Oh Bucky.” His mother murmurs, her tone isn’t disappointed, just sad. “I’m so sorry your father did this to you.” Bucky rubs a hand over his face. “Ma-“ 

“-No, Bucky. I’m sorry you didn’t get to see the value of romantic love. Of love that keeps you warm and love that makes your heart race.” She says quietly. 

“It always ends in heartbreak. I don’t need it.” He says defensively. It’s silent, Bucky listens to his mom breathe before finally whispering, “What if I’m like him? What if I ruin her life?” 

“Oh sweetheart, you’re nothing like him.” Her voice cracks. “You’re good. You’re a good man. You’re empathetic. You care deeply. You don’t have to be afraid of ending up like him, you’ve already proven you won’t.” 

“Doesn’t feel like that.” Bucky lets out a short laugh. “Feels like I already am.” 

“James Buchanan Barnes. I am not going to sit here and listen to you talk about yourself like this. You’re not like him because you see what you’ve done wrong. Because you feel remorse.” She says heatedly. “Your father never felt bad for what he did or who he hurt, that’s what makes you different. That’s what makes you better.” 

Bucky wipes hastily at the tears that he hadn’t realized were falling down his cheeks until now. Has he always been this much of a light weight? Full of emotion and regrets that are only amplified by his drunkenness. 

“I love that girl like she’s my own.” His mother’s voice brings him back. “So, what are you gonna do to fix this? I already bought her Christmas present.” 

Bucky laughs. His chest feels a little lighter. “Leave her alone.” He answers genuinely. He can almost see his mother’s mouth open in protest. “She’s on a date with Steve. I can’t ruin that for either of them.” 

There’s a sigh on the other end of the line. “You’re a good man, Bucky. Every good man makes mistakes. It’ll all work out.” She says vehemently. 

“I love you, ma. Thank you.” Bucky looks at the bottle in front of him. “I love you too. I’ll talk to you later, okay?” She asks gently. “Okay.” He nods as she hangs up. 

Her words help, but he’s still filled with guilt as he thinks of you. He had never wanted things to become this messed up with you. The last thing he wanted was for you to hate him.

Then why’d you do it? Bucky pulls at his hair. Since when was his subconscious so annoying? Was it the drinks? It’s your voice next. I mean nothing to you? 

“No. Shut up.” Bucky says to himself before standing up, his knee knocking against the coffee table painfully. He groans, but doesn’t stop moving. He feels like he’s going to be sick. He is going to be sick, he realizes as he forces the bathroom door open. 

He throws up. He’s not sure if it’s from the drinks or this overwhelming feeling of pure angst in his chest. A feeling that makes his lungs constrict and his heart ache.

He briefly wonders if this is heartbreak. And if it was, did that mean Steve was right? Bucky loved you?

He makes it back to the couch and starts a random movie in an attempt to stay up and wait for you. To talk or something. He was so, so sick of not talking to you.

But he falls asleep less than fifteen minutes later and he doesn’t hear you step into the apartment.

》•

“I had a really nice time tonight.” You say quietly. It’s almost midnight and you’re sure your neighbors wouldn’t appreciate you waking them up. “Thank you for taking me out.”

Steve stuffs his hands into his jacket pocket and gives you a grin. “Thanks for letting me take you out.”The two of you look at each other before breaking eye contact with awkward laughs. “We should do this again.”

You nod. “We should!” You lean up and press a kiss to his cheek before turning towards your door. “I’ll see you later, Steve.” You say softly before pushing the door open.

Steve gives you a short wave with a happy smile. “See you.” He begins to back away, down the hallway. “I’ll just.” He jabs a thumb over his shoulder before spinning around to walk straight.

You laugh silently to yourself as you finally step into your apartment and shut the door behind you. With your eyes shut tightly, you lean your back against the door and let out a sigh.

Your silence is disturbed by a groan and your eyes shoot open. Bucky’s laying on the couch, one arm hanging off and a bottle of whiskey sitting almost completely empty in front of him.

“Oh, Bucky.” You let out a sad sigh as you drop your purse and keys on the entryway table. His eyes are squeezed shut, you can tell he’s in a deep sleep.

When you stand in front of him, you push the stray hairs that are stuck to his sweaty forehead back. He’s flushed and you don’t know exactly how much he’s had to drink, but he was definitely drunk. You allow your nails to trace over his cheekbones and jawline in admiration.

You move away, suddenly aware of what you’re actually doing. You move quickly, picking up the empty glass and whiskey bottle and moving towards the kitchen. You leave the glass in the sink and stuff the bottle back into your drinks cabinet.

You think of just going back to your room, but you know you can’t leave Bucky shivering on the couch. You grab a clean glass and fill it with water before placing it on the coffee table in front of you. You pull out your travel Advil from your purse and sit it next to glass. His favorite blanket is draped over the back your lounge chair. You pull it off and drape it over him gently. Bucky snuffles then turns so his face is pressed into the couch.

You look down at Bucky again before leaving him in the room.

》

It’s like there’s a shift between you and Bucky after your date with Steve. You’re kinder and you seem to be more open with him again, while all Bucky wants to do is hide away in his room.

Every time you sit across from him in the living room or join him for dinner, he feels panic rise in him like vile and he ends up sitting tensely beside you.

Because you’re figuring your shit out. You want to be friends with Bucky again while Steve takes you out every weekend. It’s perfect. Going swimmingly, really.

Except, Bucky is falling apart. Every time you go out with Steve he makes himself sick thinking about what you’re doing. He’s stuck in this constant cycle of why does it hurt so much and you love her you love her you love her.

He just wants to scream so what? Even if he did love you, what did it matter? It’s not like it would change anything. You had never told him you loved him, you had only been angry because he had given you mixed signals. Now, you had moved on to someone easy, someone without commitment fears and who didn’t give you mixed signals.

So, even if he did love you, why would he say anything. Why would he ruin something good for you? He wanted to prove his mother right. He was better than his father, and he wouldn’t ruin something good for you. Not when he was the one who had driven you away. Sick sense of irony, the way this worked out.

》

You’re trying. You can tell Bucky is too. As you come further out of your shell again, he sticks to staunch boundaries and has ceased all of his old affectionate gestures. You know it makes sense and it’s for the best. Even if it does nothing but remind you of what you had grown used to with him before all this.

Besides, you couldn’t blame Bucky for not feeling the same way you did. Not when you had agreed to just benefits and not when you had never told him the truth. 

And Steve was sweet. Steve was gentle and kind and kissed you like you mattered. He held your hand in public and introduced you as his date when you ran into people he knew.

He was good. You cared for him, a lot, and you were desperate for it to work out. For it to work out with Steve and for it to work out with Bucky.

That’s how this night started. These thoughts and a plan. A stupid fucking plan for moving on. Drinks with everyone. Wanda, Vision, Sam, Steve… Bucky.

Bucky who was talking to a redhead at the bar. Bucky who you couldn’t stop staring at as he smiled and charmed her. Your fist tightened around your glass as you watch her nails inch towards his hand.

“Another round of drinks?” Sam’s voice pulls you from your stare. You shake your head to yourself and glance around table. Everybody’s glasses are empty except yours. “I’ll go!” You offer as you drain the last of your drink quickly.

You stand up before anybody at the table can question it. “I can help you.” Steve goes to stand, but you place a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“Bucky’s up there. I’m sure he’ll help!” You give him a big smile, one that he answers with furrowed eyebrows. You don’t think much of it as you spin on your heel and make a beeline for the bar.

You don’t see the look Wanda shoots you or the glance Sam and Steve share. You stop right behind Bucky and lean on the counter as you order then you tap him on his shoulder.

He spins quickly. “What’s up? Everyone okay?” He asks, his eyes shifting between you and the table of your friends.

“Yeah!” You give him a small smile. “I was sent for drinks and I didn’t realize how many there were. Think you could help?”

He glances between you and the redhead, who’s giving you a kind smile as she waits. You smile in return before looking up at Bucky again. “Please?” You tack on with a pout.

Bucky laughs. “Yeah. Whatever.” He looks down at the woman again. “You wanna join us? Promise everyone is super cool.”

Your eyes widen as the drinks are placed in front of you. She wasn’t supposed to come. This was supposed to… You pause.

This was supposed to get him away from her. Back to your side.

“Yeah!” You give her a fake smile. “You should join us, we could always use more girls.” You chuckle as you lift three glasses.

Bucky grabs the other three before looking at the woman in question. She shrugs before grabbing her own glass to follow after you two.

You hand out the glasses before taking your seat beside Steve again. He arm comes up to rest behind your chair and you can’t shake the urge to push it off.

“Guys, this is Natasha.” Bucky gestures to the woman besides him before pulling a chair out for her. “Natasha. Wanda, Vision, Steve, Sam.” He points everyone out before finishing off with you. She smiles politely at all of you. You grind your teeth as he sits beside her.

The group seems to take a liking to her right away. She laughs at Sam’s jokes and compliments Wanda’s engagement ring. You’re burning with jealously as Bucky flirts in front of all of you.

It’s wholly irrational, a sober you would know that this jealously doesn’t really make sense. Three mixed drinks in though and it feels like Bucky is doing this to hurt you.

It feels like he’s showing you what he could never do with you. He never flirted with you in front of your friends or allowed his hand to inch towards yours on the table in front of them.

Bucky was secretly affectionate with you. It was tangled feet on Sunday mornings and cuddling Saturday nights. Sex in the middle of night and… heartbreak the next morning.

So his drifting hand and charming smile directed towards Natasha is suffocating you with insecurity. What did she have?

“I’m going home.” You stand abruptly when Bucky leans towards her with a laugh. Your shaky on your feet and Steve reaches a hand out to stabilize you. Everyone looks at you with confusion. “I… I don’t feel good.”

“I’ll walk you home.” Steve stands immediately.

You shake your head. “No!” When he freezes and looks at you with hurt eyes you smile tightly. “I mean, I’m going to take a Lyft. You stay here, have fun.”

“At least let me wait with you. So you’re not in the cold alone.” He insists and you nod slowly.

You really want to be alone, to wallow in this feeling, but Steve was nice and of course he wouldn’t let you go alone.

You watch Bucky for a moment, like you expect him to say something, to offer to come with you. Like he always did, but his attention shifts back to Natasha as Steve’s arm wraps around your waist.

It’s silent as he guides you out of the bar and tense as you order the Lyft. “Fifteen minutes.” You say softly.

Steve nods and looks around the almost empty street. You open your mouth to break the awkward silence, but he beats you to it.

“What happened between you and Bucky?” He asks quietly, his hands stuffed into his jacket pocket, and his teeth gnawing on his bottom lip.

You swallow thickly. “He didn’t tell you?” You ask instead of answering the question.

“He told me you guys had a friends with benefits thing going on. Then he told me you didn’t.” He doesn’t look angry, just sad as he stares down at you. “You know Bucky, he doesn’t share a lot.”

You look down at the sidewalk, your heel scuffing against it nervously. “I don’t know. I read things wrong, I guess. I… I thought we had a chance?” Your tone is questioning and you let out a laugh in a self-deprecating manner.

“You still love him?” You eyes shoot up to meet Steve’s. You open your mouth to say something, anything, to turn this conversation around but the door opening takes your attention off of the conversation.

It’s Bucky and Natasha, laughing softly with one another. You turn away quickly and feel the vomit rise in your throat. “I’m gonna be sick.” You murmur before throwing up all over Steve’s shoes. He grimaces and takes a step back as the couple turns around at the sound of you.

Bucky calls out your name. You can’t look up, instead you drop to the ground and sit on the sidewalk ledge.“Are you okay?” Bucky kneels down beside you as you cough.

“I’m fine. You can go. Go.” You urge, unable to look up at him. Bucky doesn’t budge though, his hand coming up to push back the hairs stuck to your forehead. “Bucky. Please.” You groan.

“I’ll walk her home.” Bucky says to Steve, ignoring your pleas. “The air will do her some good and the car moving will only make her feel worse.”

Steve looks between you two hesitantly. “I don’t know, I can take her.” You still feel nauseous, especially at the idea of Steve who you’re pretty sure just broke up with you wanting to keep you away from Bucky for your comfort.

When you look up, Natasha is standing behind Bucky with worried eyes. You feel tears gather in the corner of your eyes as they move to Bucky. He smiles gently, his hand still resting against your cheek. “Let me walk you home, sweets.”

The nickname makes your heart soar. Months of nothing but your first name and you feel like you’re floating at the sound of it. “Okay.” You nod, your hand coming up to rest on his. “Okay.” You pull out your phone to cancel the Lyft.

He helps you stand. “I’ll see you.” He says apologetically to Natasha. She doesn’t look upset, in fact she smiles at him like she knows something you two don’t. “I’ll let you know when we get home.” He says to Steve, who nods before following Natasha inside.

You feel flushed and hot all over. A horrible mixture of drinks, jealously and nausea settling in your stomach. It makes you horribly dizzy and you’re forced to lean against Bucky heavily for support.

“One step at a time, sweets.” Bucky says softly, his metal arm wrapped tightly around your waist.

》

“Almost there.” Bucky exhales a deep breath as he all but carries you towards the couch. He’d given up on getting you down the hall, you had pretty much become dead weight and getting you down the hall to the apartment had taken a lot out of Bucky. “Few more steps, sweets.”

Bucky’s cheeks are red and his entire body is warm. It’s been so long since he’s been this close to you and he can’t help but feel his heart grow as you latch onto him.

“Easy. Easy.” He murmurs as he sits you down gently on the couch. You mumble incoherently as you head lands on the back of the couch.

He pulls away from you and pulls his phone out. Sorry to leave you, maybe we can catch up another time?

Maybe. As friends, of course.

Bucky glances at you before looking back down at his phone, he begins to type but another message pops up quickly.

I saw the way you looked at her, I don’t think you’re looking for a girlfriend! It’s okay :)

Bucky leaves the phone sitting on the coffee table as he focuses his attention back on you. You open your eyes and look at him sadly. “What’s wrong with me?” You ask quietly.

“Nothing.” Bucky responds immediately, his hand reaching out for your cheek. The moan of relief you let out at the coolness of his metal appendage goes straight through Bucky. “Nothing is wrong with you.” He forces his voice to stay steady.

He takes a seat next to you on the couch and drops his hand back to his lap. While you stare at the carpeted floor, Bucky’s eyes trail over you. He takes in the skin tight pants and soft sweater. The way your legs look makes him swallow thickly. You were beautiful and Bucky loved you. 

The thought makes him pause, but it doesn’t scare him nearly as much as he thought it would. He did. He loved you. He knew looking at you now that the months of questioning it and then trying to make himself believe it was just as a friend as you dated Steve, was all in vain. He loved you. Maybe he had loved this whole time. 

You look up at him suddenly, like you can hear his thoughts, and Bucky is frozen in his spot. You move towards him slowly and he can’t do anything but watch. 

You crawl into his lap and Bucky’s hands immediately rest on your waist to hold you steady. “What… What’re doing?” He can’t hide the shock in his tone. He has to hold back a moan as your hands come up to run through his hair. You left yanks gently at the hair on the back of his head to force him to look up at you and Bucky is unable to stop the moan from slipping out then.

You smile down at him cheekily. “Want you to fuck me.” Your already slurred words are murmured, so Bucky almost doesn’t understand you. “It’s been so long, Buck.” You grind down and he chokes on his own spit, not expecting his night to end like this.

“You gotta stop, sweets.” His grip on you waist tightens in an attempt to halt your movements. “You’re drunk. You don’t know what you’re doing.” He says, looking back up at you. 

Your hands rest on his shoulders and you shake your head. “I know I hated seeing you with her. I hate not having you. Please, I miss you.” You whisper pleadingly.

The words pain Bucky. “I miss you too, but you don’t want this.” He gently pushes you off of his lap and back onto the couch cushions beside him.

Your head falls to your hands while your elbows rest against your legs. “Why don’t you want me?” You look back up at him with wet eyes. Bucky freezes. Is that what you thought? That he didn’t want you? 

“Sweetheart, you have no idea how much I want you.” He admits, reaching out to pull your hands away from your face completely. You shake your head and pull yourself away from him. 

“If you wanted me you wouldn’t have flirted with her all night. In front of me. In front of our friends.” Bucky looks at you with wide eyes. How could you be upset with him over that when you had gone with Steve? When you had been dating Steve? 

“You’re with Steve.” He reminds you. “Am I supposed to not flirt with other people? You told me we were just roommates. We’re barely even friends!” He exclaims. 

“No! I told you that because you hurt me.” You wipe tears off of your cheeks. “You… You made me feel like I was something to you then told me I was just a fuck. I was hurt.” You explain. “God, you- I loved you so much and you just - just-“ 

“You love me?” Bucky cuts you off. He knows you’re drunk, but the words make his heart race. He feels his eyes soften as he stares at your form. 

The tears gathered in your eyes begin to fall down your cheeks as you shake your head hastily. “Loved you. I loved you. But you didn’t love me, so I moved on.”

Bucky didn’t know it was possible to physically feel your heart break, but here he was, his heart cracking painfully as you look away from him.

“I’m so tired.” You whisper. “Why could you flirt with her in front of all our friends? Why… Why was I a dirty secret?”

Bucky doesn’t know what to say to you. Doesn’t know how to explain to you that he wasn’t afraid of losing her the way he was you. He didn’t know her at all, he certainly didn’t know her the way he knew you.

“We should get you to bed.” Bucky stands abruptly. His hands come down to hold your arms gently as he helps you stand. “We can talk in the morning.”

You allow him to pull you up, it looks like you’ve given up on furthering the conversation. Bucky picks you up bridal style to carry you down the hall.

Your arms rest loosely around his neck. “Steve broke up with me.” You say as Bucky drops you onto your mattress. “He knows about us. He doesn’t want someone who… who…” You trail off before falling into a fit coughs.

“We’ll talk in the morning.” Bucky says softly, his fingers trailing over your cheeks. “I promise, sweetheart.” You already have a water bottle on your nightstand, so Bucky searches your vanity for Advil.

He leaves two pills beside the bottle. You’re already dozing off, your eyes fluttering shut, so Bucky leans down to press a kiss to your forehead. When he goes to pull back, your hand shoots out and wraps around his wrist. “Stay. Please.” You whisper.

Bucky hesitates for a second before nodding and sitting beside you on the bed as he pulls his shoes off. His heart races as he moves to lay beside you and he feels flushed as you curl into his side.

He allows himself to relax with you in his arms. It had been so long since you’ve been beside him like this and Bucky lets himself feel love as you do. 

Is this what he had been afraid of the entire time? 

》

You wake up hot, nauseous and with a pounding headache.

And something wrapped tightly around you. When you open your eyes fully, the first thing you see is a metal arm wrapped tightly around your waist. You groan when your eyes trail up and the sunlight streaming in from your window hits you.

A deeper groan is returned and it makes you freeze. You rack your brain for what happened last night, but all you could remember was getting sick outside the bar and Bucky taking you home. Had you said something? Had he?

You turn over in his arms and look up at him. His eyes are still closed and he’s letting out steady, soft breaths.

“Bucky.” You whisper, your hand coming up to rest against his chest. “Bucky, wake up.” You say a little louder.

His eyes snap open and immediately he pulls away from you. “Shit. Sorry. I’m sorry. You… You…” He sots up and rubs a hand over his face.

“I don’t… What happened? I just remember you walking me home.” You sit up slowly. You’re still wearing your leggings and the sweater from last night. You groan. “I’m sorry I took you away from…” He shakes his head. 

“It’s okay. I offered. You asked me to stay when I got you into bed, I’m sorry if you’re uncomfortable.” His apology is sincere and you suck in a deep breath.

“It’s okay. I don’t… You know I don’t mind falling asleep with you.” Neither of you move or say anything, just sit on opposite sides of your bed in awkward silence. “I-“

“I love you.” Bucky blurts effectively cutting you off. Your eyes widen and your pulse quickens as you stare at him. You had not been expecting that. “And… I’m sorry it took all of this. Not being friends, Steve, drinks, for me to realize, but I do. I think I’ve always loved you, I just… I didn’t know it.”

You shake your head as you try to process what he’s saying. “I don’t… I don’t understand. Where is this coming from?”

“I… Seeing you with Steve. I didn’t… It killed me inside.” Bucky admits.

“And you think that means you love me?” You spit out. “You said it yourself, Bucky Barnes doesn’t do relationships.” You shake your head. “You’re just jealous because you don’t have my attention anymore.”

“That’s not true.” Bucky says adamantly. He turns his body on the bed so it’s facing you. “It made me realize I love you. It made me realize my favorite time of the day is when I get to spend time with you. That our Sundays spent reading and Saturdays watching Law and Order were always better than bars or parties because I was with you. I… I want to do the relationship things with you. Holding hands, just sleeping together. Telling people you’re my girlfriend.”

You stare at him tearfully. “How do you know it’s love? That you didn’t just miss me?”

“I know what it’s like to miss you. This feeling? This warmth in my chest when you’re around and the ache there when you’re gone? That’s not missing you. I...” He pauses. “I love you. And It’s okay if you don’t feel the same anymore-“

“-Anymore?” You question. Your eyes squeeze shut as you headache gets worse. “Bucky, what-“

“You told me you loved me last night. You were drunk, I know, but-“

“Fuck.” You laugh to yourself as you take in everything he has said. Pieces of last night come flashing back to your mind. Crawling into Bucky’s lap, crying, admitting you had loved him. “Oh God.” You groan, rubbing your hands over your face.

“Bucky you don’t have to-“ You shake your head. “You don’t have to try and make this something it isn’t because you feel bad.”

“I’m not.” Bucky reaches a hand out to rest on your back. “What can I do to make you believe me?”

You look over at him. “Prove it.”

》

Steve meets him for coffee later that morning. You’re out with Wanda for Sunday brunch and Bucky is on his final stop of his apology tour. 

“Hey.” Steve looks up from his phone and smiles at Bucky. “Can I sit?” Bucky motions to the chair across from him and Steve nods.

Steve pushes a black coffee over to Bucky, whose nose scrunches up at the scent. Fair, Bucky thinks. “What’s up?” Steve asks quietly. “You missed our run this morning.”

Bucky looks down at the table. “I had some stuff to deal with. You know with-“ Bucky cuts himself when Steve nods. “Listen, I wanted to say I’m sorry. Shit was never supposed to get this messed up.”

Steve shrugs. “You tell her?” He gives Bucky a knowing smile. “That you love her?”

Bucky gives him a small smile in return. “I did. Yeah.” He taps his fingers against the table. “She’s got some, uh, trust issues with me. But it makes sense. We’re gonna take it slow.”

“I’m happy for you, Buck.” Steve admits after taking a sip of his drink. “I was never mad or angry with you. I always knew she still cared for you and I think I always knew it would never be anything serious.”

Bucky nods. “Thanks, Steve.” He looks down at his coffee with an appreciative smile.

“Besides,” Steve smirks, “Natasha is super cool. We exchanged numbers last night after she asked about what was going on between you two.”

》

Bucky invites you to spend Christmas with his family. You don’t even have to think about it before you say yes. Christmases with his family were always full of warmth and love; You absolutely loved it. 

You’re more excited to be here this year too, to celebrate with him in this way. As his girlfriend, you had heard him tell Rebecca over the phone when informing her of his plans to drive up to see them Christmas Eve. 

You had the perfect gift for him too, well, you have a few gifts for him. Most of them could wait for Christmas with his mom and sister, but there were two you were just desperate to see his reaction to.  

That’s why you slip out of his room in the early hours of the morning when the sky is still dark and everybody is asleep. 

That’s how Bucky wakes up, a small, wrapped box sitting on the nightstand and you nowhere to be found. Bucky eyes the box warily before looking around the rest of his bedroom. Your suitcase is unzipped and he can tell it’s be riffled through before being shoved back into the corner os his room.

His door is pushed open quietly. “Why are you up?” His voice makes you jump and spin so your back slams against the door. Bucky has to bite back a laugh as you take a couple deep, calming breaths. 

“I...I was going to wake you up.” You tip toe across the room and crawl into bed beside Bucky. You suck in a deep, nervous breath. While you and Bucky had been dating for the past few weeks, you had also been taking it slow. “For gifts.” 

Bucky’s eyebrows furrow as he sits up a little straighter in bed. “Gifts? It’s five in the morning, I promise Becca and my mom are in such deep sleep we couldn’t wake them if we tried.”

Kind of what I’m banking on, you think. “No. I mean.. Our gifts, for each other.” You explain in a soft voice, before reaching over to pick up the small box you had left sitting on the nightstand. “I didn’t want to give you this in front of your family and I don’t think I can wait.” You admit a little sheepishly. 

Bucky looks down at the box with a soft smile. “Just let me get one of your gifts.” He sits it down on the comforter before crawling out of the bed and moving to his suitcase. He picks up a small box, wrapped in the same gift paper his is because he had stolen your roll, and smiles up at you.

He hands it over and the two of you just stare at each other with bright, happy smiles before tearing into the wrapping paper at the same time. Your mouth drops open in shock when you open the box.

A bracelet is staring back at you. A silver band filled with charms that make you smile as you run your fingertips over each one. Your alma mater’s mascot. The Brooklyn Bridge. A bottle of wine. “Buck...” You trail off in awe. “This is beautiful.”

“Sweets.” He says the nickname gently and you look up to watch him pull the watch out of the box with a small smile. “This is...” He flips it over in his hand and his eyes widen when he notices the engraving on the back.

the best lovers start as friends.

“I love you.” He runs a finger of the engraved metal as you whisper softly, “I... I’ve loved you for so long, Buck, and having your love in return is unlike anything I could have imagined.” 

Bucky drops the watch on the bed between you as he reaches across to pull you into a bruising kiss. You drop your own gift onto the bed and reach up to rest a hand on his chest. 

“I love you.” Bucky pulls away to whisper the words. “I love you. I love you. I love you.” He punctuates each sentence with a kiss to your skin. You giggle softly as he moves towards you and his hand settles on your waist. 

“I have something else for you.” You pull away to remove the bracelet and watch from the bed. Bucky watches as you move so you’re on your knees with intrigued eyes. You smile coyly as you move to pull his shirt over your head. 

Bucky lets out a low moan as his eyes trail over your body, covered in dark green lace. “What’s this?” His fingers come up to trace over the lace and leave goosebumps in their wake. 

“Your second gift.” You murmur breathlessly as he fingers drift lower and lower. Bucky smirks as he leans towards you and presses a kiss to your neck, then across your collar bone until he’s trailing kisses down the valley of your breasts. 

He pulls away after a moment and looks up at you questioningly. “Are you sure?” 

You smile down at him and wrap your arms around his shoulders. “I wouldn’t have dropped this much money on lingerie if I wasn’t sure.” His arms wrap tightly around your waist as he pulls your body flush against his. 

“What did I do to deserve a gift like this?” He looks up at you with a bright smile. You run a hand through his hair. “Love me.” You answer genuinely. Red dusts Bucky’s cheeks at your words as you lean in to kiss him. 

You shift so you’re straddling Bucky’s lap. “Gonna fuck me?” You murmur in question against his lips. Bucky moans against you and his hips buck up involuntarily. His hand drops from your waist to your thigh and he trails his fingertips up. 

“You look so pretty, sweets.” He smirks up at you as his hand pushes the lace aside. He runs the tip of his index finger over your wet folds and you push down already wanting more from him. “Patience, sweetheart. Let me take you in. I wanna enjoy my gift.”

You moan as he begins to rub slowly against your clit. “Want you to ride my thigh first, sweets.” Bucky shifts you so your legs are straddled over his left thigh.

You moan as your clit rubs against his thigh. You pull at the waist band and his sweatpants and he helps you pull them off of his legs before situating your body back over him. “Fuck.” You let out a deep sigh as his hands land on your hips.

His eyes are dark and pupils blown as he stares at you above him. Bucky’s already hard, you can see his dick straining against his briefs. He doesn’t do more than lightly guide you by the hands on your hips, but his eyes watching you intently as you moan is enough to make your stomach twist in pleasure.

“Fuck, James.” He groans as his first name tumbles out of your mouth in a breathy moan. “You look so pretty on my thigh, sweetheart. I love watching you.”

He leans forward then, to press kisses across your breasts as you move back and forth against him. “Feels so good.” One of your hands twists in his hair and Bucky moans against your skin.

You move faster against him as you feel yourself get wetter. You moan his name like a mantra as Bucky’s hands grip you tighter and tighter.

Bucky’s hands force you to a stop. You whine at the lost of pleasure, but it’s not long before Bucky has you flipped so you’re laying on your back beneath him.

“Gonna fuck you, is that okay sweets?” He leans back to pull his shirt off and you nod hastily as your hands come up to pull at his briefs. It’s not long before you’re bare underneath him, the lace garments discarded to the floor of his bedroom.

“Gotta be quiet.” He runs his tip over you folds in a teasing manner that almost makes you moan out. Instinctively, your hips buck up with a quiet whine. His hand comes up to cover your mouth. “Don’t want Becca to hear. She’s just down the hall, sweets.”

It’s a warning and it makes heat spread through you. You’re not sure if it’s the idea that you could get caught in his childhood bedroom or the way Bucky’s voice deepens, but it makes you tired of waiting. “Please.” Your beg is muffled by his hand, but he hears it. He doesn’t wait any longer, he pushes himself all the way in and you both let out relieved moans at the feeling. “Fuck. Fuck. You always feel so good, baby.” 

Your back arches into his body as he begins fucking you at a slow pace. When he seems satisfied that you won’t make too much noise, his hand moves from your mouth he rests his forearm on the pillow beside your head. “James.” It’s a whispered moan that makes his hips stutter. “Faster. Please. I’ll be quiet.” You promise, your legs wrapping around him. Bucky leans down to press a bruising kiss to your lips as he fucks into you faster. You moan into his mouth as pleasure rushes through you. 

There’s something extremely intimate about the way he fucks into you, one hand holding onto your hip and another resting beside your head. It’s love, you realize when he pulls back to look at you with soft eyes. It does something to you, makes want rush through your veins and pulls the air from your lungs. “I love you.” You whisper into the space between you two, Bucky still pushing in and out of you. 

“I love you.” His eyes slide shut and his head falls to nuzzle into your neck. “You look at me like that again I’m not gonna last, sweets.” He press a gentle kiss to your neck before beginning to suck harshly. You’re sure there will be a mark there tomorrow that you’ll never live down, but you can’t bring yourself to care when his tongue runs over the mark and your stomach clenches in excitement. 

“Fuck. I’m so close, Bucky, please. I- I need-“ His hand is reaching between your bodies before you can spit the sentence out. His finger rubs against your clit as he quickens his pace. “Yes. Yes.” You moan, and you can immediately tell it’s too loud when Bucky freezes. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” You mutter, so close and desperate for him to resume his pace. 

“I know, I’m close too, but we can’t wake the house up.” You throw your head back and bite down hard enough to draw blood when he resumes his movements. He’s rubbing at your already sensitive clit and fucking you quickly, it’s all too much as your stomach tightens in pleasure. “Yeah. I can feel you, baby. Come for me, please. I need to feel you.” His tone is deep and possessive in your ear. 

When he slams into you hard, your orgasm washes over you. Your mouth opens in a moan that Bucky catches with a messy kiss. You can feel his hips stutter against you as he reaches his own high and releases into you. 

The two of you stay like that for a moment, just breathing with each other. “Merry Christmas.” You laugh softly as Bucky pulls out and moves to grab a towel from his desk chair. 

Bucky smiles as he comes to lay beside you again and wipes gently at your thighs.  He pulls the comforter up so it’s wrapped around both of you again and pulls you so your head rests against his chest. “Merry Christmas.” He whispers in return.

You glance out the window and find that it’s snowing again. You’ll probably be snowed in for the next few days, but you don’t really mind, not with Bucky here and in your arms the way you’ve always wanted. 

》* 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ • 。* 。° 。* 。 • ˚《

notes // this took weeks to finish and i truly hope whoever reads it through enjoys it! 

my writing is free & will remain free. if you enjoy it and you have the resources, consider donating to my ko-fi :)

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes x fem!reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes oneshot #steve rogers #james bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #steve rogers x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction

[thesecretwriter]

PLS PLS P L E A S E part two to fantasy reading. i’m in desperate need of the two of them together. that was so good to read

fantasy reading (remus lupin) - 2.

Disclaimer: This blog is strictly 18+, minors please do not interact as that is not something I am comfortable with. Thank you!

Pairing: Remus Lupin x female reader

Summary: Wanting to do things the right way, Remus leaves for the cottage in the company of Sirius. You wait anxiously in case something happens. When Sirius comes to you frantically, you don’t hesitate to apparate your way to Remus.

Warning: Angst, fluff & smut – minors dni.

Side note: Hey anon, thank you for requesting this. I hope you like it, happy reading!

part one

harry potter series masterlist

The entire day had passed, Remus wanted to leave before it got dark which meant they would have to leave now.

“Promise me you’ll send for me if you need anything at all.” You rest your forehead against Remus’.

“I promise.” He said cupping your face and placing a kiss to your forehead.

After Sirius assured Remus that you would be safe alone at Grimmauld Place, he and Remus were gone.

Your nerves were far from calm, which is why you had made yourself some tea and got a book to read to kill some time.

You awoke to the frantic movement of Sirius apparating to the living room, where you had fallen asleep.

“Y/n, everything was going just fine. We were roaming around a secluded area when he just lased out. He needs you.”

Those last three words are what made you jump from your seat, get your wand and disapparate with Sirius.

Just as you were about to turn to Sirius to ask him where Remus was, you heard a howl in the distance. Without second guessing it, you began running in that direction with Sirius close behind.

“What happened?” You shout over your shoulder at Sirius.

“I have no idea. One moment he was calmly roaming the area and the next he just began to attack me and when I got away, he then started hurting himself.” He explained as he caught up to you.

You slowed down to look at Sirius who had a few scratches to his arms and near his neck.

“I’ll get him to calm down, you need to go back to the cottage. You’re hurt.” You stated leaving no room for protests.

“No, this full moon is different from the rest. He was never like this before.” Sirius grasped your shoulders trying to convince you.

You took in his exhausted form, “Sirius, he needs me. I told him I’d be here if anything happened. I’ll try my best.” You promised and looked him straight in the eye.

“1 hour. If I don’t see you back at the cottage then, then I’m going to come out here and help you.” He said with a firm nod.

You agreed with him and was on your way.

As you walked further towards the howls, trees began to surround you.

He was deep within the surrounding forest.

It didn’t take you long to come across Moony, who was slouched down against a tree.

Taking a deep and preparing yourself, you grasp your wand to your side and step forward. The snapping of a twig brough Moony’s attention to you.

He stood up, towering over you with a growl.

“Rem-… Moony, its me. Its y/n.” You try to keep your voice from quivering.

Moony had watched you very carefully as you both began to circle one another.

“I’m a friend of Remus’.”

Moony snarled at you and stepped forward.

You quickly brought your wand forward and pointed it towards him. You didn’t really know how this would work out; all you knew you wanted to do was get Remus to safety.

The look in Moony’s eye changed and he looked sad for a moment.

“I’m not going to hurt you; I’m trying to help you because I care about Remus and you.” You assured him.

You put your wand back to your side and this time reached out for him.

“Please let me help you.” You stepped forward as he took a step towards you.

This little game went on for a little longer before he eventually rested his head in the palm of your hand.

“That’s it, I’m only trying to help.”

Moony had slouched down and whined in pain at the new injuries he had gotten.

“You’re hurt.” You gasped slowly.

Moony looked up at you with sad eyes.

It wasn’t something new for him and Remus.

“I need you to take me to the cottage. Can you do that?”

Not knowing whether he agreed or not, he just got up from his slouched position and began to walk.

He looked back at you briefly, to which you followed behind him.

As you both walked through the forest, you saw a clearing with a small cottage in view.

“We’re almost there.” You said with a smile to him.

Once outside the cottage, you saw Sirius looking through the window. Before Moony could notice, you signed to him that everything was okay and that you had everything on control.

The sky was slowly getting brighter, which meant the night had come and gone. In a matter of less than an hour, Remus had transformed back into his normal self, only this time looking exhausted.

You quickly went inside and grabbed a big blanket and ran back out to cover Remus’ naked form. He looked up to you with tired, yet regretful eyes and went into the cottage while supporting himself on you.

“You didn’t need to come.” He said looking at the floor once you helped him sit on the big sofa in the little cottage.

“I had to Remus.” You went to his bag and retrieved some clothes for him to bath and change into.

“I’ll be here and ready to dress your wounds.” You placed a kiss on his cheek and gave him some privacy while you went to check on Sirius.

Sirius had been in the kitchen with a glass of water in his hand.

“Have you already dressed your wounds?”

He looked showered and better than his condition from before.

“Yep.” He said popping the last letter.

A silence surrounded the two of you as you looked off into oblivion.

“Seeing him like that hurt.” You said still looking at the same spot as before.

“I know. He doesn’t deserve it.” Sirius said setting the glass in his hand down, “I don’t know how you did it, but none of us ever came that close to him before. Not even in our animagus forms.”

You were surprised at his words.

“Really?” You ask.

“Mm-hmm, what you two share with one another is special. He doesn’t trust just anyone that easily.”

You look up at Sirius whose eyes were on a form behind you.

Remus was done bathing and was standing behind you.

“I’m sorry Sirius-“

“Don’t even think about apologizing.” Sirius said with a stern but playful tone.

Remus smiled at Sirius who stepped forward and embraced him in a hug.

You could hear the two of them mumbling something to one another while hugging but couldn’t distinguish what it was exactly.

“I best be off then.” Sirius said pulling away from the hug.

Your brows furrowed.

“No, you look tired. You were up for most of the night.” You scolded him.

“I’ve in worse conditions y/n, but I need to be back at Grimmauld Place to take care of a few things.” He stated.

“Are you sure?” Remus asked concerned.

“Yeah, its just a few things Dumbledore needed me to take off.” He brushed it off and began to walk to the door.

“Thank you being here Sirius, I really do appreciate it.” You said genuinely grateful.

“Anything for my family.” He said and apparated away.

You turn to Remus who was supporting himself on the frame of the door.

“Come and sit, I need to tend to your wounds.” You said taking his hand.

Without protest, he followed you and sat on the sofa.

You retrieved the bandages and ointment which Sirius had brought.

You absentmindedly began to lift Remus shirt to tend to the wounds when his chuckle brought you back to reality, and only then did you notice what you were doing.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to.” You looked away embarrassed.

“Its fine darling, I wouldn’t want anyone else undressing me.” He winked at you playfully.

Slowly you went on to apply the ointment to his wounds. You were gentle enough to not hurt him in the especially sensitive areas.

You took notice of the old scars on his chest and ran your fingers over them.

“They make me feel like a monster.” He said putting his hand over yours.

“You’re not a monster.” You said looking up at him.

He smiled at you sadly.

How did he manage to meet such a good person such as yourself?

“I love you.”

The words easily slipped through his lips.

He looked to you wide eyed when he realised what he said.

“I love you too.”

Remus was going through so many emotions in that moment.

“You do?” He asked confused.

“Of course, I do.” You laughed at his shocked facial expression, “What is there not to love?”

After recovering from the shock, his hand went to the back of your head, gently grasped your hair in his hand and he brought your mouth to his in a kiss.

A week later.

Remus and you had been staying at the cottage for the entire week as you both wanted to spend some time away from the world.

“About time I heard back from you two.” Sirius said jokingly as he hugged Remus.

“We just needed sometime to ourselves.” Remus explained.

Sirius began to raise his eyebrows in a suggestive way.

“Not like that.” Remus hit Sirius upside the head.

You chuckled when you saw the look Sirius gave Remus.

“Y/n?” You heard Bill’s voice coming from the hallway as he walked into the living room.

You got up from beside Remus and embraced Bill. It was a surprise seeing him here, he should be with Arthur and Molly.

“What’re you doing here?” You asked pulling back from the hug.

Bill looked to you sadly.

“I tried introducing Fleur to my parents while everyone else was away at Hogwarts… my mother isn’t very fond of her.” His tone was unusually sad, which indicated to you just how upset he was over this.

“Oh Billy, I’m so sorry.” You pulled him in for another hug.

You heard him let out a big sigh, which meant this really affected him.

“It’ll get better. I can talk to Molly for you if you want me to.”

“No, its fine. For now, I think we all need a little space from the topic.” He explained.

“Whatever you’re okay with. How did Fleur react to the news?” You were concerned about her even though you hadn’t officially met.

“She understood what my mother would’ve been like before meeting her, but I can tell she still is a bit upset.”

“As you said, just give it a bit of time and they’ll come around.” You said assuring him.

Bill’s eyes moved from you to Remus who had come to check on the two of you.

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Remus said genuinely feeling bad for Bill.

He was such a hard-working man who did all he could for his parents and siblings.

To lighten the mood, you had said that you were going to prepare dinner for all four of you. Remus had been insistent on helping you which is why you found yourself laughing and amazed at his skills in the kitchen.

“I suppose you’ve got yearsof experience in cooking by the looks of it.” You said teasingly.

“Are you indirectly calling me old?” He said walking towards you so that you were backed up between him and the counter.

“I never said that.” You said biting you lip to keep yourself from laughing.

“Hmm, I’m sure.” He said leaning forward to kiss you.

As the two of you were in the middle of kissing Sirius came into the kitchen and faked a cough to grab your attention.

“I see this is what is taking you two so long in here.”

“Hush Sirius, the food is ready.” Remus dismissed him and walked towards the table while carrying the pot it was in.

“Bon appetite.” He said and the four of you began to dish out the food and eat.

Sirius had noticed that Remus was doing things manually and not using magic, which he can only assume came from being in the company of you.

While having dinner, you all had spoken and enjoyed each other’s company. Remus and you had made the choice of staying the cottage for the time being. It was a comfortable space for the both of you and close to no one knew where it was.

Once you both were back at the cottage, you had a bath and got out of the bathroom just as Remus was done dressing.

Seeing you like that with water still dripping on your skin awoke a desire in him that was there only for you.

“How did I become so lucky?” He muttered to himself as he put his arms around your waist and pulled you towards himself.

You were grasping your towel looking up at his with wide eyes.

“Pardon me?” You asked confused by his words.

“You my darling, drive me crazy.” He said pulling you in for a kiss.

You smiled as you kissed you, his words sending butterflies to your tummy.

You had eventually found yourself with your back on the bed and Remus between your legs as he kissed you repeatedly.

He adored every inch of your body.

“So beautiful.” He said through gritted teeth as he looked down at you with dilated eyes.

You inwardly moan at his words. He made you feel like the most beautiful girl every chance he got.

“I’m so lucky to have you as mine.” He said kissing you from your neck and down to the trail between your still clothes breasts. Somehow the towel still managed to stay on you.

“If we’re being honest here, I’mthe lucky one to have you.” Remus loved it when you would praise him like this.

“Is that so?” He said cheekily watching you.

“Mm-hmm.” You smiled up at him as you slowly started to undo the towel.

Remus’ eyes watched you carefully, you did your best to rid the towel of your form. As more and more skin was exposed, Remus grew more and more desperate for you.

“Do you want me darling?” He asked cockily as you looked to him with hazy eyes.

“You already own my heart and soul… there’s just my body left to claim.” You say boldly.

If there was one thing you gained from your time with Remus, it was that he made you feel inferior both body and mind.

“I think I’ll do just that.” He said beginning to lay kisses once again from your neck to your breast.

“Does that feel good darling?” He asked when you moaned out loud at the feeling of him kissing your nipples.

“So good.” You murmured with your eyes closed.

“Uh uh darling. Eyes on me.” He said letting his hand wrap gently around your neck.

He watched you carefully as he moved from your breasts to your tummy, laying kissed on it on his way down to your most intimate part.

“Please.” You begged, propped up on your elbows watching him.

“Anything you want.” He said spreading your legs further and letting his face disappear between your legs.

You released a moan at the feel of his tongue on your clit, your head was thrown back in ecstasy as he continued to ravish you.

“Is this okay darling?” He asked letting his fingers spread your pussy lips apart.

“More than okay.” You smiled.

He looked up at you momentarily, taking in the expression on your face.

“Open your eyes.” He demanded as his fingers made way inside you.

You did as he said and looked down at him, the moment between the two of you felt intimate and the eye contact amplified it further.

The pace of his fingers started off slow and increased as he alternated between sucking your clit and maintaining eye contact with you.

Your shoulder joints began to burn from being propped up for so long, you eventually laid back down, flat on your back as your hand travelled down your body and grasped Remus’ free hand.

He held your hand reassuringly to ensure you felt safe enough with what he was doing. You appreciated the small gesture as it added to the intimacy in that moment.

You felt something with in you building up with each stroke and lick coming from Remus.

“Oh fuck.” You stated out loud unintentionally once you felt a particular area within you intensify with pleasure.

“That’s it darling, cum for me.” At this point his fingers were moving inside of you at a relentless pace, and within a mere matter of seconds, you were cumming.

Remus didn’t stop his movements, only carried on with the encouragement of your moans.

When you calmed down from your high, you propped yourself up on your elbows looking at him with desire filled eyes.

He moved up and kissed you, allowing you to taste yourself on his lips.

You managed to maneuver yourself so that you were now on his lap and kissing him. The fact that he is still wearing his clothes bother you, so you do something about it.

“Can I undress you?” You ask politely.

He nodded his head as he watched you lift his shirt up and off him. Next was his pants, which you happily made your way down towards, all while looking him in the eye.

It was easy to get them off as they were his pyjama pants, you discarded his clothes on the bedroom floor.

When you turned back to look at him, you situated yourself on his lap and began to kiss him from his face to his chest, where you laid kisses on every scar he had. He moaned at the kisses as you hand finally reached his very evident erect cock.

Maintaining eye contact in the same way he did with you, you grasped his cock and trailed small kisses along the side of it as he closed his eyes with a hiss.

“Eye contact… darling.” You teased and waited for him to look you in the eye again.

He smirked at your words and did as you said, this time his hands came up to take hold of your hair.

You took the entire head of his cock into your mouth and moaned at the feeling of him pulling your hair. This only brought him one step closer to the edge as you started to take more and more of him in your mouth.

“You sure are a sight when you’re like this.” You tell him and stroke his cock up and down.

He chuckled at your words and was about to say something when you suddenly took his entire cock into his mouth, this time being very sloppy.

Remus’ hips moved on their own accord as he moved his hips up to meet your mouth.

“Just like that.” He said with gritted teeth.

You looked up at him and saw him watching you intently with furrowed brows.

Because of the size of his cock, you slightly gagged, which Remus seemed to enjoy because he began to thrust deeper, hitting the back of your throat.

You allowed him to do as he pleased, as long as he was being pleasured.

“Gonna cum.” He admitted with a grunt.

This egged you on even more and before he and you knew it, you felt Remus’ warm cum in your mouth.

He was grunting at the sensitivity of you not stopping.

When he finally calmed down, he brought you up to his face so that he could kiss you, the way you just pleasured him solidified in his mind that he indeed was lucky to have you, now heart, mind and soul.

“Where did you learn to that?” He asked breathless.

“You can learn a lot from romance books.” You giggle.

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