#sub!bang chan

[ipegchangbin]

— boypussy!skz.

18+ only. minors do not interact.

sub!skz. dom!reader.

🏷️ boypussies, use of toys (a dildo machine and a cumming toy), breeding kink, oral (cunnilingus), pain kink (pussy biting), squirting.

— bang chan

chan is no stranger to having his cunt used. he loves it when you rub your skin against him just to tease, or slide toys in his tight and wet hole. considering how pretty his folds look and how huge his oversensitive clit is, it’s easy to get him on edge by just flicking your tongue against it. he especially loves it when you lock your lips around his clit, sucking on the bud, making him squirm and writhe under you.

“t-too good,” he’d whine, attempting to cage your head between his trembling thighs; it’s no use with the way your arms lock his legs down so you could concentrate. chan’s desperation to orgasm washes over him as you lap up at his sweet clit, taking your time to taste his juices in between flicks. the savory taste of his folds paired with the delicious whimpers only spur you on. you could eat him out for hours.

“y-y/n,” he stutters, “i’m close!” and he instinctively tries to push you away from his cunt, but your lips are attached to his aching clit and it feels so good. too good. chan’s head spins even more when you shove your fingers inside him and you clamp his clit in between your lips and tongue. chan creams all over you, embarrassed at how wet and sticky his cum is, but you eat it and show your tongue to his shy face.

“you’re so sensitive, channie.”

— minho

it’s no surprise that your favorite catboy has one hell of a pussy to play with. there’s something about his that screams addictive to you: maybe it’s the taste of it. he’s particularly sweet, surprising for a boy who creams more than he squirts. it doesn’t help that of all the places on his cunt, his hole is heartwarmingly delicious, as if it was made for your tongue to stick inside. minho loves it when you’re casual with it. any agenda of his to out-brat your other boys is thrown out the window every time you caress his pussy and stick a finger inside his creamy walls.

“so needy for a boy who claims to hate this,” you smirk, “aren’t you such a liar?”

“i’m not,” minho’s voice vibrates, “just stop making it feel good!”

but of course, you don’t stop. you keep going. you dip your head down to his cunt and replace your fingers with your tongue every now and then, sometimes biting his thighs when he dares to close his legs around you. he barely speaks until he’s a squeaking mess, begging and creaming on your fingers in an endless orgasm that just won’t stop.

“don’t pull out,” minho pleads with wide eyes while he shoves your fingers back inside his sticky cunt. “i want to feel full.”

— changbin

puffy, pretty, and pink. his hole hides cutely behind chubby lips and it’s delightfully sensitive along the sides. he loves being penetrated most, his nerves connecting and jolting best when you stretch his tight hole with yourself. whether it be fingers or a cock, changbin gets shy yet increasingly more greedy with every thrust of anything that enters his cunt.

“am i a good boy?” he asks every now and then. you reassure him with kisses that yes, he’s indeed so good, taking the biggest dildo so well even if it’s pushing his limit. he’s unsurprisingly a size king, which is surprising considering how tight he is. even if the monster cock toy leaves him gaping, his pussy has the magical ability to revert back to being too small for your two fingers right after.

“i want to cum!” he whines over and over, chasing your lips for another kiss while he bounces on the dildo again. he loves workouts but his body is so sore from bouncing. it doesn’t help that, instead of helping him finish, you simply push down on his puffy tummy and let him feel the whole size of the toy inside him.

you ask “is it good?” and he nods speechlessly, only to respond seconds later with a loud whimper. you look down to see his cream leaking down the dildo, coating all of it in his juice. when you finally pull the toy out, changbin whines into your warmth, hiding his pretty pussy as his cum seeps out all the way onto your thighs.

— hyunjin

hyunjin’s biggest kink is to get creampied, so he did something behind your back. he ordered a cumming dildo, and of course, used it right away. his cunt couldn’t be any more excited — the only thing rivaling how sopping wet he gets is when you’re actually playing with him. hyunjin could settle with this for now, his pussy only dripping more until his panties got soaked as he connected the cum lube to the toy.

from how wet he was, the big toy slid in with ease; he felt like crying as soon as it hit his limit, squishing his insides even if the toy hasn’t filled him up with cum yet. so, as he would do with you, he moved his hips to “please” the dildo and felt the toy all the way inside. his instinct to be bred, one that came along with having a cunt as beautiful as his, overloaded his system as he greedily rode the toy. he definitely minded when you came in the room to help him, though.

“y/n, please, breed me!”

cutely enough, his moans fill the room as you pressed the mole on the side of his pussy. your laughter along with your hands helping his hips down made him leak cum, but he didn’t dare stop. you grabbed the end of the toy and squeezed cum to load out of it, which only urged hyunjin to keep going. the cum filled him up slightly, but not quite — the boy kept bouncing so as to “empty” the cock inside him. that was, until the toy finally emptied, hyunjin’s body spent after five consecutive orgasms. the cum seeped out, flooding out of his beautifully folded lips like a waterfall of delight.

“good boy,” you say, “how about you get the real thing, hmm?”

— han jisung

his pussy is the freakiest, having tasted it all from your antics: he’s taken vibrators in public and he lost his pussy’s virginity to you. who wouldn’t treat it as cruelly as you do? why not, when jisung tends to leak his wet essence messily each time you play with it, especially since he’s tried so many toys with you?

the one toy jisung hasn’t tried yet was a dildo machine. he can immediately feel the heat pooling in his core at the mere sight of you stroking the dildo, teasing him by previewing the speed controller. his legs instinctively closed and tightened firmly to hide the wetness running down his leg. but jisung blinked twice, and unbelievably instantly, he was suddenly on all fours in front of the machine.

“wait—” he asked, but you didn’t hesitate one bit when you slid the dildo into his cunt.

the machine starts pumping slowly into the boy, stretching him fully and filling him up to his limit before slowly pulling back to leave him empty. then it would thrust back inside again, the squelching of his leaky pussy filling the air alongside his moans and cries. jisung held his ass up high as he melted onto the carpet, drooling and relishing in the picked-up pace.

an orgasm started before he could even prepare, jisung whining loudly not even five minutes into the machine action, before the toy slides out — jisung squirts everywhere without warning, his clear and sweet cum making its way on your thigh even if you were on the couch. that’s how messy he always gets, but he’s never came this fast.

“that’s all? i didn’t buy this for you to cum in three minutes,” you smirk, pushing him back down on the toy.

— felix

something about a freckled pussy is just too cute to you. you loved kissing felix’s cunt for the sole reason that it was just so adorable. the shape of it, the color of it, even the starry sky of freckles littered around his pussy. there’s a lot to kiss, a lot to love, a lot to destroy.

given the oversensitivity of felix’s nerves down his crotch area, it’s easy to overstimulate him. even something as light and lovely as the pecks you leave on the beauty marks and freckled skin gets him writhing. “but i love your pretty pussy,” you justify, leaving lipstick marks all over his cunt in the process.

feeling your lips on his pussy lips is heaven to him. felix grabs onto the sheets, too scared to pull on your head, jutting his hips upwards so that you could kiss him better. it’s all over when you kiss his clit though, all of his nerves reigniting at once as lightning strikes through his core. he instantly gets wet, essence spilling on your bottom lip and chin in the process.

“s-sorry, didn’t mean to…” he could almost cry from the pleasure and the rising need. he feels you smile, even if your face is hovering over him now and not touching his skin in the slightest. he still feels it without looking — he’s too shy now, burying his face in the pillow to the side.

but you’re not done.

you take two fingers down his slit, teasing his severely wet entrance, but it’s all a distraction. felix waits for you to put it in, let him cum, get it over with. the rare impatience grows within the usually patient boy until he feels pain shoot up.

you bit his clit. and it feels so good that he squirts under you, wiggling under you like a poor little boy.

— seungmin

what you don’t expect of seungmin is for him to admit that he’s a squirter. he confessed it in a dirty party game once and ever since then, it’s been your life’s mission to see it in action. you knew that he’d always been so incredibly wet every time he came, but he apparently squirts like a fountain personally sculpted by god.

as you slide your fingers through his cunt, his pussy squelches sinfully. it drenches the sheets beneath him, coating everything in a savory essence that can only be described as a natural aphrodisiac. the wet sounds paired with seungmin’s shy whimpers fills you with an aggression you can’t express without a necessary gentleness on his pussy. as poetic as it is literal, even the scent of his cunt is enough to drive you down between his legs, ready to ruin him.

“no, n-no, don’t do that! i’ll squirt—” seungmin chokes on his own words as your fingers hook his sweet spot, clit violated by your tongue and lips. he practically screams as you bite through your lips, jolting everywhere as his body readies itself for a full orgasm. “i-i can’t take it, too much, too much!”

begs and pleas fill the room for you to both stop and keep going, his grip on your head either pushing you away and pulling you in, he doesn’t know either. but before he could even spare a second thought, he jolts his hips up, followed by a powerful stream of wet cum. he soaks you fully, apologizing with his face behind his hands. you open his fists and kiss his cheeks happily, making him smile contently.

— jeongin

there’s nothing more for him to be confident about than of his freshly shaved pussy. he promised to be a good boy for you on this date night, and in the off-chance that you were going to treat him, then he had to be at his best. now here you both were, making out on the couch, jeongin whimpering because the both of you were still fully clothed after an hour of teasing.

“what’s wrong?” you ask. “i wanna show you my pussy…” jeongin shyly asks, every shroud of prior confidence leaving him as the desperation kicks in. you only chuckle in response, the delightful sound making his clit firm in excitement. but you don’t do anything. it’s a part of your teasing, sure, but he’s been waiting so excruciatingly long for you and it shows through his needy whines.

jeongin finally takes it upon himself to tug at your tie; you pull down at the hem of his pants , revealing his panties, only to shove both down in only two swift moves. it catches jeongin by surprise, but it’s nothing compared to the shock on your face to see his clean pussy.

you love him hairy and you love him clean, you don’t really mind either. jeongin’s still the same, the prettily creamy folds presenting themselves to you along with a hidden slit that can only be described as angelically cute. you finger it immediately, all teasing discarded along with both your clothes, and your haste brings him over the edge. “y/n,” he pants, your name being the only thing on the tip of his tongue as he immediately creams all over your hands.

but date night isn’t quite done yet.

#skz smut #sub!skz #sub!stray kids #sub!bang chan #sub!chan #sub!lee know #sub!minho #sub!changbin #sub!hyunjin #sub!han jisung #sub!han #sub!felix #sub!yongbok #sub!seungmin #sub!jeongin #sub!i.n #💬 z is writimg #dom!reader

[bangchansslut6]

[11 : 32]

Chan's been very busy lately. But not with what you think. He's not staying up till 5am working oh no. He's staying up till 5am watching porn videos of men completely suffocate by their partners thighs. Chan realizes that this..this is what gets him going.

Your in the kitchen coming up some ramen for yourself since sitting on the couch has been making you hungry. An adorable kitty apron on as you wait for the ramen water to warm up. You don't hear Chans heavy footsteps enter the kitchen you only notice him when he hugs your waist tightly from behind.

"Hi baby.." He says quietly whispering in your ear. His hot breath fanning against it. You fail to notice the bulge pressing against your thigh..

"Hi Channie!" You awnser looking back at him kissing his cheek only then do you realize the bulge pressing against you as he grinds his hips into you.

"Hm. Need you baby..need you so bad.." He whisperes plush lips kissing down your neck to your shoulder.

"C-Chan baby I'm cooking-" You try to say but slowly your panties are turning damp. "Cooking can wait please I need you so fucking bad.." Chan mumbled his mouth still working on your shoulder.

This is how you ended up in this situation. Chan was laying on your guys shared bed. Your plush thighs caging in his face. How many times have you came already? It doesn't matter because Chan is still hungry.

"Another one baby I wanna drown in it.." Chan mumbled tounge already lapping up on your sensitive folds.

"C-Chan ah! I-I seriously can't anymore..i-i can't feel my legs!" You whine and whimper but still grind against his tounge and beautiful nose.

"F'me..hold on for me" He mumbled eyes closed completely pussydrunk. His plush lips wrap around your clit and harshly start to suck making your back arch and thighs tighten around Chans head even more.

"C-Chan I'm gonna cum..o-oh please Chan..i-i can't anymore-" Once again you can't finish before your gushing around him.

You think it's over panting as you calm down..suddenly two veiny hands are gripping your thighs making you grind.

"C-Chan!" You whimper eyes closing.

"I told you. I want to drown in it"

Authors note - I'm posting this absolute crap rn because I just CANT think of anything! I've had this in the drafts for a bit so please enjoy! Even though it's REALLY BAD😭

#kpop #skz smut #stray kids #stray kids smut #bangchan smut #chan smut #stray kids hard thoughts #bang chan #bang chan smut #sub!bang chan

[femdomlieeh]

Revealing their mommy kink (m)

Sub!Stray Kids x Dom!Fem!Reader

WARNING—nsfw ✧ light S&M themes ✧ pet names (mommy, baby boy etc)

NOW PLAYING—Hare Hare ✧ TWICE

[A/N.] I wrote this a very long time ago. I don't write for skz anymore lol

M.LISTS—random idols/groups ✧ latest updates ✧ read on wp

All rights reserved © femdomlieeh

✧ ੈ ✧ ‧₊˚ * ੈ ✧‧₊˚＊* ੈ ✧‧₊˚＊

방찬 / christopher bang / chris / bangchan

The youngest plus Minho from Chan's group sometimes teased him by mimicking his voice childishly and referring to him and you, his girlfriend, as 'dAdDy' and 'bAbyGirL' — and although he wasn't proud of it, this joke had gotten to his heart. The thing is he's had a fantasy of being called that in bed when he was a virgin teenager, and then a person called him that...and let's just say the thought of his now girlfriend calling him the d-word in a sexual, non-joking way scared him shitless. So to make sure his nightmare wouldn't turn into reality he had to do something and ideally he would try to plan having a discussion about sexual preferences and kinks but it was way too early in the relationship for him to have the courage to do that. So, he would overthink and overthink and decide to try to start a conversation about sexual preferences or stuff you're interested in but he would ultimately not tell you directly that he would like to call you mommy but would instead try to ask questions to get you to tell him if you liked similar stuff because he felt kinda weird for having this kink and wasn't sure how you would feel about it.

"Yeah. I think it would be nice if you blindfolded me!" he blushed then gulped, "But how about names?"

"Names? What about them?"

"Like is there any name you like to call me— or be called I mean?"

"It sounds like you do. Talk to me."

"I already like that you call me cute names and stuff. But I also wanna know if you would like me to call you stuff besides your name, you know. Like do you like being called baby, love, Mummy, darling or something else like that?" he tried to sound neutral, experienced in having convos about such topics and play it cool only to become flushed in the face out of embarrassment and gulp loudly.

"Yeah."

His heart started beating faster.

"Yeah? Like what?"

"I like how you say Mommy in your accent, it's sexy."

Fuck yes!!

He would feel so safe and comfortable to call you that in bed once you let him know you liked it. Be prepared for him to call you that all the time in bed (or kitchen, or bathroom, or living room).

... ✧ ...✧✧✧✧✧✧✧

이민호 / lee know

He would make it clear what his kinks are as early as possible in the relationship because he wouldn't want to lead neither you nor himself on in a relationship that wouldn't work out sexually. The perfect time to tell you, according to him, would be when you two were getting touchy to the point that you had taken off his shirt and were on your way to take everything else off. He'd of course make it sexy, as to not ruin the mood you two already were in.

"I wanna see you too, Mami," he looked up at you from below you on the bed, naked.

This shameless bitch would call you Mami outside the bedroom (whisper) both to get on your nerves and to remind you you're his and no one else's. Imagine him whispering Mami at you with the most innocent voice, but with the smuggest grin in a restaurant —  that'll be him any time someone as much as looks your way for too long. Your contact name on his phone would be My Mami even before you officially were in a relationship.

✧... ✧ ...✧✧✧✧✧✧

서창빈 / changbin

Changbin might have big arms and muscles but everyone should know by now that he's baby. And baby would be anxious, just thinking about how you would react to his little kink. What if you weren't into it? What if you thought it was weird? The possibility of rejection would be too scary for him to tell you about his secret. You'd have to tell him you had this kink directly to his face, for him to feel comfortable and finally call you that sweet name.

"I like being called Mommy."

Your boyfriend's face lit up, cheeks burning, "R-Really?"

You nodded.

At your confirmation, he laid his head on your shoulder, "Okay, Mommy."

From that day on, Mommy would be the only thing he'd ever call you, whether he was being a naughty boy or a good boy. The only time he'd call you by your name would be when he was around his bros but that's it.

✧✧... ✧ ...✧✧✧✧✧

황현진 / hyunjin

Oh shit. These days, he's been reading more porn on tumblr than usual and he especially liked reading fics featuring the mommy kink — and one day, the kinky title just flew from his mind and out his mouth. He hadn't had any intentions of telling you about his kink any time soon, but on one special day, when you'd called him Babyboy randomly, the temptation had taken over his consciousness. As soon as the title left his mouth, he would think he might as well go along with it and face reality since he can't take it back.

"What time is it, Babyboy?"

"Hopefully Mommy time." Obs! He just said that.

"What...?"

"Mommy time is time I spend with you. It's the highlight of my day. But Mommy's been busy this week. I still want Mommy time though," he pouted at you.

Most of the time, he's a good boy and would call you by your title cutely, or just because you two liked it. At other times, like when he'd want to tease you, he'd call you Mommy when you're busy. Imagine you're on your way to work or you're running an errand, and he'd face time you and say something like "Can't you stay here with me, Mommy? Please? I want you so bad, Mommy~"

✧✧✧... ✧ ...✧✧✧✧

한지승 / han

Every now and then, Jisung got the sudden urge to call you Mommy. Hundreds of times he had kept it inside but in his neediest moment by far he simply wouldn't be able to hold back. It would happen after he'd had an exhausting day at work, when all he wanted was your attention and love. The second he realized he'd said it, he'd get shy and act cute to mask up his shame. You'd have to give him reassurance that you don't shame him or think less of him for this preference, so he could call you Mommy without feeling embarrassed or uncomfortable.

"I want a hug, Mommy," he whined with a pout and straddled you on the sofa.

His face fell at the last word, and he took your hands and brought them to his cheeks to distract you.

"Aren't my cheeks super fluffy today? Like even more than usual, right?" he asked energetically out of panic and fake smiled.

"Your cheeks are always fluffy, Babyboy," you giggled, making his smile turn genuine.

Your encouragement would be enough for him to call you Mommy comfortably anywhere; with you by his side, he wouldn't notice anyone's opinions.

✧✧✧✧... ✧ ...✧✧✧

이용복 / felix

One day, when you were just cuddling or doing your night routine, Felix would tell you that he wanted to try a new kink — which was a common occurrence because he liked experimenting and finding out new things about you and himself. But in reality "trying something new" was just an excuse; actually, he'd already known that mommy kink was one of his favorites based on the fact he would be moaning your name followed by this word whenever he found himself masturbating. He would be extra careful with every moment during your love time, since he hoped that this wouldn't be a one-time-just-to-give-it-a-try type of thing but rather something he could call you often.

"I wanna try something new," he rested his head on your thigh.

"Yeah? And what would that be?" you started playing with his hair.

He looked up at you with his big, innocent eyes, kissing you thigh, "Would it be ok if I called you...like Mommy? Or Mummy? Something like that tonight?" He gulped, "O-Or tomorrow or some other day?"

The pet name left his lips so naturally that you were shocked it was his first time using it (allegedly). It seemed like he was experienced with the kink, like he'd said that name many times or like he'd been studying it beforehand.

...

"Mommy, I— Please, Mommy. Please, Mommy. Oh fuc—"

The next morning when you woke up, he called you Mommy to indicate he liked it and indirectly ask you if you did. If you gave him approval, he would start calling you that daily, if you didn't like it, he would respect you and only call you Mommy in his mind. As time passes by, you two would discover more pet names for each other, but his favorite for you wold always be Mommy because it never failed to make him feel small and loved.

✧✧✧✧✧... ✧ ...✧✧

김승민 / seungmin

Seungmin'd joke about the kink so he'd have a pillow to fall on in case you weren't into it. When he 100% knew you liked it too, he'd be very content on the inside but playing it cool on the outside. He'd say it in a playful way, so you wouldn't be able to tell if he were being serious, in case you weren't into it so he could play it off as a small joke. But ideally he would just want you to make him call you that because he's a bit of a masochist and wants his partner to be direct and harsh with him.

soft!seungmin ver.

When you were in the middle of a make out session, he smirked at you, "Mark me, Mommy."

The smirk on his face was meant to be devilish but to you it was foolish — you already knew he wasn't playing around.

"Beg for Mommy."

His smirk turned into a smile, "Please, please, can you mark me, Mommy."

harsh!gf ver.

***none of you has introduced this kink previously***

"You disobeyed me just because you wanted me to punish you, right?"

He kept quiet, looking away from you.

You slapped him. "You just wanted Mommy to make you cum over and over until you have nothing left to give, right? You want Mommy to make you cry?"

He looked you in the eyes, "Y-Yes, I just want you to make me cry, Mommy. I deserve every punishment you give me. Please, just hurt me, Mommy."

After he found out you also were into it, he'd say the word both teasingly and lovingly, depending on if he's feeling like an angel or devil. It's honestly cute how he can go from whispering your title in public to begging for a hug. This one is half bad boy, half good boy.

✧✧✧✧✧✧... ✧ ...✧

양정인 / i.n

(a/n. 누나 (nuna) = older sister)

He'd be the blushiest baby boy ever about telling his partner about his very specific kinks because he's not very experienced in relationships and isn't sure if or how hr should go about sexual preferences like if he shouldn't say it and just try new things shyly or if you two should discuss your preferences and boundaries ahead and stuff — so out of fear of embarrassment, he wouldn't tell you he gets hard thinking of calling you "Mommy" as you jerk him off and just hoped you would say something some day. So you'd have to initiate a conversation that gave him a clue that you liked it too —  and then he might get courage — or you just go ahead, straightforward, and talk about everything with no judgment.

"Do you have any kinks?"

He turned his head to you with the look of a shocked tomato, "W-W-What—?"

"I have some. Like there's this one when my partner calls me by a title."

His eyes widened and, out of fear, he spit out what he's heard most people say: "Like Babygirl?"

"No."

A smile, as well as more redness, couldn't help but make itself visible as he stuttered: "M-M-Mommy?"

That's the only thing he'd ever call you in bed. He would be shy to call you that in a non-sexual context, only sticking to 누나 or maybe darling, but every now and then it'll slip out and make him blush and cover his mouth. Ohhh he would never say it in front of his members since he is insecure and scared they will take it as him being babied by you and him not growing up or some shit that isn't manly. At some point his clueless members might create a small joke of calling you mommy and Chan daddy since you're almost like parental figures taking care of the group. If only they knew Jeongin's not an innocent kid anymore~ Little do they know he begs for "Mommy" to let him cum with a vibrator in his ass and tears going down his cheeks.

✧✧✧✧✧✧✧... ✧ ...

❝ トキメキだけ share しよう (oh)

悲しみは let it go (oh)

嵐の日だって and so what?

雨雲は全部 blow away

躊躇わないで that's fine

いつでも呼んで that's right

君の背中押すよ

Stronger, stronger (stronger) ❞

( Let's share only the fluttering feelings

As for the sadness, let it go

Even on stormy days

And so what?

Blow away all the rain clouds

Don't hesitate

That's fine

Call me anytime

That's right

I'll support you

Stronger Stronger (stronger) )

—twice (- nayeon, sana, tzuyu); 2023

#sub!stray kids #sub!skz #sub!kpop #sub!idol #dom!reader #sub!bang chan #sub!lee know #sub!changbin #sub!hyunjin #sub!han #sub!jisung #sub!felix #sub!lee felix #sub!seungmin #sub!jeongin #stray kids reactions #stray kids scenarios #stray kids imagines #sub kpop #sub idol #sub stray kids #sub skz #sub bang chan #sub lee know #sub changbin #sub hyunjin #sub han jisung #sub felix #sub seungmin #sub jeongin

[subskz]

ʚïɞ butterfly bandage - 02

note: this is part 2 of a series (part 1, part 3, part 4, part 5)

content: bang chan/reader, university au, reader is female and referred to with she/her pronouns, themes of soulmates, slight angst, slight hurt/comfort, themes of death/grief over a friend, mentions of past unhealthy relationships, nsfw scenes

18+ content: sub chan, dom reader, soft smut, unprotected sex (no condom, but reader is on contraceptives), praise, body worship, riding, light choking, under-discussed kinks (both parties are consenting), light possessiveness, biting, teasing, lots of begging, aftercare

word count: 15.8k

You didn’t want to go home.

Final exams were just a week away, and summer break would follow soon after. For anyone else, it would bring about a much-needed relief, a moment to breathe after the grueling interim leading up to the end of the semester. For you, however, all that awaited was a looming, unshakeable sense of dread.

You hadn’t returned to your hometown for nearly six months now, choosing instead to spend all of your vacation time on campus, pouring yourself into assignments and studies far sooner and far more vigorously than required. But summer break would be an exception to this new, comfortably avoidant routine of yours. The excuse that you were busy became significantly less convincing when you had no classes to attend to, and you were certain that your parents wouldn’t let you get away with not visiting home for at least a week or two, especially when the trip was less than an hour by train.

It would be the one year anniversary soon, of the loss of your closest friend. The memory was still too fresh in your mind, the wound was still wide open and festering. You hadn’t given it proper time to heal—or, any time to heal, for that matter—instead having grown accustomed to slapping on a temporary fix and replacing it only when deemed absolutely necessary. Just enough to get by, to keep yourself together.

It wouldn’t be that easy to ignore once you returned home, though. Not even close. Every flickering streetlight, every newly blossomed tree, every crack in the sidewalk that had once been so reassuring in its familiarity, was laced with memories of her. They were memories that used to make your life brighter, warmer; like a glowing ball of light you carried around in your chest wherever you went. Now, they only stung.

The sound of your phone vibrating against the nightstand snapped you out of your brooding. You reached out aimlessly for it through the darkness of your bedroom, squinting as the harsh screen light nearly blinded you in the process.

A familiar flash of gray was all you needed to see to open the notification with embarrassing haste.

chan 🐺 (3:08 a.m.) let’s go here!

For a brief moment, you were at a loss, then, the link to a nearby bungeoppang shop followed.

chan 🐺 (3:09 a.m.) their custard is so sooo sooooooo good

chan 🐺 (3:10 a.m.) akskdnsnsksjsjsk

You were grinning before you even finished reading his messages, fondness flooding your chest in place of the heavy, melancholic fog that had been occupying it all night.

you (3:11 a.m.) yummy~ we can go during finals week as a pick me up!

chan 🐺 (3:11 a.m.) yuo’re awake,??

you (3:11 a.m.) that’s my line!

Just as you were typing out another response, your screen changed to signal Chan’s incoming call, making you scramble upright in bed. You should’ve come to expect it by now, but even so, it still felt just as new and exhilarating as the first time that wolf emoji had popped up out of the blue. Predictably unpredictable.

His greeting came the instant you picked up, oddly cheerful considering how late into the night it was.

“Hey!”

“Hi, Channie,” you said softly. “Y’know, I think I’ve got you all figured out.”

“Oh?” Chan sounded taken aback. “What do you mean?”

“You’re only a phone guy when you should be asleep.”

Confusion melted into amusement, and you could hear the grin in his voice when he replied. “Hm…maybe you’re right,” he agreed. “But what’s your excuse, then?”

You paused. “I guess I’m only a good texter when it comes to you.”

The shy giggles that filled your ears didn’t disappoint. They made you feel light, carefree; like everything that had been responsible for keeping you wide awake for the past three hours was suddenly so trivial in the face of his laughter.

“So, what are you up to?” you asked.

“Trying to trick myself to fall asleep,” he said it like a joke, but you could feel the weariness behind his words. It tugged at your emotions in a way that you knew all too well. The urge to help him, to take care of him.

Your heart welcomed it, but your mind rejected it, and you were more keen on letting the latter call the shots these days. So, as naturally as it came, you pushed it away.

“By thinking about bungeoppang?”

Another giggle. “Well, more like thinking about things I wanna do with you.”

You held your breath to avoid letting a reaction slip out, but there was no way to repress the butterflies that fluttered to life in your stomach. Thankfully, Chan didn’t seem to notice. It was the one thing about you he could never quite catch, like his obliviousness to his own charm stood in the way of an otherwise razor-sharp intuition.

“How about you? What’s got you awake?”

You could clearly envision the attentive eyes and curious head tilt accompanying his question. It almost made you want to answer without restraint, to share all the thoughts that you’d been needlessly torturing yourself with for days now, rotating over and over in your head until they snowballed into something out of your control.

You stopped yourself just in time. He didn’t need to hear something like that at this hour—or, ever, really.

“Just thinking about the summer.” It wasn’t entirely a lie, and you hoped it’d be enough to get past his scrutiny.

“Oh!” he chirped. “Are you excited?”

Absolutely not. “Kinda,” you were grateful he couldn’t see your expression. “More excited about it than finals, anyway.”

“It’ll be fine!” he said confidently. “Just two more weeks, and we’re free, yeah?”

“Yeah,” you smiled. “I’m gonna miss our study sessions.”

Chan had switched from the astrophysics track after his spring semester of senior year—cutting it close was an understatement—so any classes you’d be taking for your final term in the fall would be completely new territory for him. You didn’t doubt for a second that he might try to continue tutoring you and Changbin regardless, but after finding out how hard he’d been pushing himself to help you with subjects that he already had experience with, you couldn’t in good conscience allow him to do that to himself again.

Not that you needed the study sessions as an excuse to see him anymore, but still, you felt strangely wistful about it.

“Me too,” he hummed, as if his mind had drifted to the same place. “That reminds me, you left your sweater here the other day.”

“Oh! I didn’t even notice.”

“You must’ve been distracted by something,” he sang.

You let your chuckle slip out this time, more than ready to indulge him. “Well, there was this really cute boy there. Do you think he’d be willing to give it back to me?”

“Ah…” his attempt at teasing you backfired so spectacularly that he went silent for a moment. “He was cute? I don’t believe you.”

“Cute enough to kiss,” you confirmed.

You registered a sudden rustling sound on the other line, followed by the faintest squeak, as if he were physically unable to contain his giddiness. The thought of it nearly had you burying your face in your pillow yourself. You wished you could see him.

“Then,” he swallowed. “He might give it back to you, for a kiss.”

The memory of his lips on yours washed over you all at once, so vividly that you could even recall how his soft cheeks had felt cupped in your palms and how his shaky breath had fanned over your skin.

“Is that a promise?” You held out your pinky in the darkness. It buzzed with warmth, and you wondered briefly if he was mirroring your action on his end, or if it was just the lingering heat that he’d left on you.

“Promise,” he breathed.

。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。

The final lecture of PHYS 408: Thermodynamics and Statistical Mechanics, more or less went exactly as you had predicted. No review for the final exam, no rundown of what to expect, and certainly no heartfelt announcement from Dr. Choi, letting you all know what a joy of a section you’d been to teach. If it weren't for the date and time of the exam scribbled on the whiteboard behind him, you might’ve thought he’d forgotten about it altogether.

He’d droned on for the first hour of class, delivering your last lesson of the semester with the same perpetual stiffness as day one, then had so generously granted the remaining 15 minutes as free time for studying amongst yourselves. Changbin appeared ready to bolt the moment the words left your professor’s mouth, but you’d stubbornly convinced him to stay just a bit longer and study with you. It was more for his sake than anything else, considering he’d only attended one of the two final exam reviews with Chan.

Changbin, it seemed, had other plans, as he hadn’t let a minute pass by without getting distracted from the task at hand and trying to start a conversation with you.

“By the way, you'll be at the get-together won’t you? Before the summer ends.”

You looked up from your notes, already sensing some kind of trap being set up.

“And by get-together you mean…?”

Changbin’s lips curved into a sheepish half-smile; caught, even with his careful phrasing.

“Well, I guess it’s more of a party.”

You made a face. You’d been to a handful of parties the past three years of your university experience, each one having been more unpleasant and suffocating than the last.

“I’m not sure, Bin. Not really my scene, y’know?”

“It’ll be your scene if I'm there, trust me.” Changbin lifted his head with a grin, and you might have rolled your eyes if his overblown confidence wasn’t so endearing.

“Uh-huh,” you played along. “Now I'm just itching to go.”

“Doesn’t the bond we’ve built these past months mean anything to you?” he whined. “It could be our last chance to really hang out!”

“It’s not like we’re dying, Seo Changbin,” you said, unimpressed. “I know for a fact that you’re taking the same Experimental Physics section as me next semester because we both put it off.”

Changbin clicked his tongue, shutting his book dramatically—which made no difference, really, considering he hadn’t read a single line of text from it. “Alright, fine. You’ve made it clear how little you value our friendship today.”

Just when you thought he’d accepted defeat, he continued.

“And of course,” a devious glint crossed his eyes. “It wouldn’t change your mind if I told you a certain friend of mine was coming?”

Ah. Despite your vigilance, it appeared you’d fallen right into his trap anyway.

“A certain friend?” you echoed. It came casual, but inside, your mind was swarming with countless possibilities. You hadn’t yet told Changbin about everything that had transpired between you and Chan, and you weren’t sure if Chan had mentioned anything to him either. The issue wasn’t so much that you were afraid of how Changbin would react, it was more about preparing yourself to deal with the theatrics of it all, the internal battle between horror and smugness that was sure to ensue inside him; because, on one hand, he’d been right, but on the other hand, he’d been right.

You could already picture it: scolding and teasing all at once, “I leave you alone with my best friend for one night and you kiss him!?”

You would never hear the end of it.

“A certain Bang Chan,” he elaborated, looking a bit disappointed when you didn’t give him the reaction he’d hoped for.

Knowing that Chan would be there admittedly piqued your interest, but not in the way Changbin seemed to think. You were more so curious as to what would draw him into such an environment—if he would be in his element, or awkwardly out of place. He was a social butterfly, sure, with a friends list that could probably fill up your entire Theoretical Methods notebook, but even so, a college party just wasn’t the kind of pastime you’d imagined him to indulge in all that much.

Still, you could be wrong. You simultaneously felt like you knew so much about Chan, yet so little. It was like you could envision the completed puzzle of him in your mind, but still didn’t quite have all the pieces in your hand.

With a start, you realized that Changbin might mistake your silence for something else, and you forced out a response before he could get too suspicious.

“Chan’s going?” you asked. “Is that his kind of thing?”

“Hm…not usually,” he tapped your pencil against the tabletop, as if it required deep thought. “At least, he’s not big on drinking and all that.”

The surge of satisfaction you felt in being correct came so strong that you were almost taken aback. It went hand in hand with that ever-present desire to know him, every part of him, better than anyone else.

“So, what’s the occasion, then? Because I know you’re not exactly a party animal yourself, Mr. Principles.”

“I’m the life of any party I go to.” He said it so seriously that you couldn’t help but snort, earning you a defensive swat to the shoulder.

“But, you do have a point,” he admitted once your giggles had died down. “It is sort of a special occasion.”

You leaned in, fully immersed now. He was being uncharacteristically roundabout today, and when that signature, shy smirk crept up on his face, you knew there was definitely something else brewing under the surface.

“It’s an event for the student music organization here on campus, so we get to do a little showcase.”

Your eyes widened. “We? As in 3RACHA?”

He simply beamed, the look of pride on his face speaking for itself.

“Bin! Are you serious!?”

For once, you were the one turning heads in you and Changbin’s direction, but you couldn’t find it in you to feel self-conscious about your outburst. “Like, a live performance?”

He wiggled in his spot, clearly basking in your excitement. “Just one song, but, yeah.”

“Still, that’s amazing!” you piped. “You should’ve just said that from the beginning, you know I’ll go if it means seeing you perform.”

“I know,” he scrunched up his nose, the embarrassment finally starting to get to him. “But I didn’t wanna flaunt. Modesty is key, after all.”

You shot him an amused look. “Is that one of your principles?”

“The most important one,” he said proudly.

Though you were less than enthused about attending a party of that magnitude, in that moment you felt nothing but delight bubbling up in your chest; for Changbin, for yourself, for Chan. You wondered what his reaction to the news had been like, if he’d broken out into that thousand-watt smile of barely-contained glee, or if the prospect of sharing his music in front of so many people had reduced him to a panicked mess, scrambling to get everything in order to put on the best performance possible.

The clock struck 9:15 a.m. to signal the end of your final lecture period. Naturally, you and Changbin hadn’t gotten any studying done, with his little announcement serving as the nail in the coffin for your motivation to work. As you gathered up your belongings and rose from your chair, an unexpected wave of nostalgia overtook you. It was likely the last time you’d be sitting in it, given that even the most absent of students would be showing up on the day of the final and taking any spot they could find. In a weird way, you were going to miss it. Some of your most miserable recollections from the semester were associated with it—stress, exhaustion, confusion, pressure—but it had brought about some of your most cherished moments as well; some of your most cherished people.

Changbin seemed to notice the sentimental expression on your face, and he gave you a gentle nudge as you strolled together out of the classroom.

“A lot has changed since that first day, huh?”

“Yeah,” you let your shoulder bump against his. “It has.”

You hoped, desperately, that it was the start of something better.

。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。

In the end, you and Chan hadn’t been able to line your schedules up even once throughout finals week to make room for your bungeoppang date. Amidst the storm of projects, presentations, exams, and papers, the two of you barely found time in the day to fulfill basic necessities, let alone to hang out with one another. You were particularly worried about the self-care situation on his end, already well-acquainted with his tendency to neglect his health whenever he was swamped. All you could do was send short, uplifting messages every few days, encouraging him to get some rest before the sun came up.

The dangling promise of fish-shaped bread (and, of course, the boy that came with it) had carried you through the week more than you’d like to admit, and by the time your last exam of the semester came around, your patience was on its last legs. You turned in your Astronomical Techniques test with plenty of time to spare, scurrying out of the lecture hall and making your way to the campus gym as quickly as your feet would allow.

Pushing open the doors to the natatorium where you and Chan had agreed to meet, you were immediately hit with the stinging scent of chlorine and thunderous sound of overlapping splashes. You scanned over the area in search of his familiar face, overwhelmed by the sea of identical swim caps. When you spotted him at last, he wasn’t emerging from the locker room like you’d expected him to be—freshly showered and, most importantly, clothed. No, instead, your eyes landed on him just in time to witness him rising from the pool, muscular arms hoisting his body up the ledge and sending streams of water cascading down his broad shoulders and back.

You froze, too mesmerized by the sight to even think about looking away before he could notice you. He pulled his swim cap off along with his goggles, shaking his wet curls free and confirming that it was, in fact, Bang Christopher Chan standing shirtless before you.

It was almost laughable, how your heartbeat picked up to an alarming speed, hammering faster in your chest the more you studied his figure. The full curve of his pecs, the toned ridges of his abdomen, the lean dip in his waist, disappearing into his swim trunks. His skin was glistening and almost annoyingly untouched. You wanted to sully it, to leave it marked up and littered with traces of you.

A sudden squeak of your name snapped you back to your senses. With how intensely you’d been staring, it shouldn’t have come as a surprise to you that Chan’s head would whip around in your direction, as if he could physically feel the holes your gaze had been burning into his skin.

“Y-you’re here!” he stammered. A part of you wondered if he might’ve done this on purpose, secretly hoping for you to find him like this when he’d suggested that you meet up with him after practice. But, judging by the way he shrank into himself, arms flying up to cross over his chest at the speed of light, he was just as mortified as you were.

You took a breath, forcing yourself to get it together. “I guess I finished my exam earlier than I thought,” your voice sounded steady, at least. “Sorry for sneaking up on you.”

Chan shifted his weight from side to side, eyes darting between you and the floor. “No worries,” he chuckled awkwardly. You made a point to avoid looking anywhere but his face for the sake of his comfort, but the way his ears had flushed a very obvious shade of red was just as distracting, if not more.

He cleared his throat. “Uh, we’re done for the day, anyway. I just gotta shower, then I’m all yours!”

You wished he hadn’t phrased it like that. “Sure, take your time.”

You managed a quick smile, turning towards the bench on the far end of the pool so he could walk to the locker rooms without worrying about covering himself up.

As if that whole altercation hadn’t been embarrassing enough already, it took the entirety of the ten minutes he spent in the shower for the adrenaline rushing through your veins to finally ebb.

。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。

“I can’t believe you just did that.”

It was the first time you’d ever really heard Chan whine—childish and pouty in a way that could give even Changbin a run for his money.

You giggled triumphantly, waving the bungeoppang in his face to really rub it in.

Chan had made the grave mistake of offhandedly telling you what he planned to order as the two of you chatted on the way to the shop, and when he’d whispered to you that he was going to run to the bathroom as you were studying the menu, the opportunity that presented itself was just too perfect for you to pass up.

Instead of waiting, you’d lined up on your own, praying that you would make it before he returned. In the end, you’d succeeded, ordering for him and yourself and paying for both portions just in the nick of time, much to his horror.

“This upset over my first win?” you taunted. “I didn’t know you were so competitive, Channie.”

He huffed, pressing his lips together in a way that made his cheeks swell. The good-natured twinkle in his eyes remained, however, and he eventually accepted the pastry in defeat. “Still, thank you.”

You softened. “Of course. It’s the least I could do.”

The two of you slipped into the nearest booth, settling in across from each other. Chan looked ready to devour his order within seconds of sitting down, but before he could, you reached out, bungeoppang in hand, as if proposing a toast.

“Here’s to getting through finals alive,” you declared.

He grinned, tapping his bread against yours. “Cheers!”

You bit into your share, the light crispness of the crust blending perfectly with its filling. Chan had been right about this place’s custard; the way its flavor flooded your tongue was nothing short of heavenly.

“Oh my God,” you mumbled. “This is so good.”

He let out a blissful hum of agreement. You glanced up to find him already halfway done with his share, cheeks stuffed and lips puckered as he chewed happily away. A stray drop of custard had stuck to the corner of his mouth, right next to the curve of his dimple, and it took everything in you not to lean in and kiss him right then and there.

Chan’s eyes fluttered open as he swallowed his massive mouthful, and you straightened up in your spot, trying to pretend like you hadn’t just been daydreaming about eating custard off of his face.

“By the way,” you began. “Changbin told me you guys are performing at the end of the summer?”

“Ah…” he brought his bungeoppang up to his nose, like he hoped to disappear behind it. “Yeah, seems like it. It’s not a big deal, though, really.”

“It is! I wish you’d told me, I definitely don’t wanna miss it.”

His gaze peeked up above the half-eaten bread, and you might’ve thought he was just playing coy if the look in his eyes wasn’t so adorably hopeful, searching your expression for a sincere show of interest.

“Really?”

“Of course,” you said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Plus, Bin would never let me live it down if I did.”

“True,” he grinned. “Would you believe me if I said I wanted to tell you?”

“Oh?”

“I was just kinda embarrassed about it,” he chuckled. “Dunno if I’d be able to face you after.”

Something about the way he said it nearly made you melt. How very like him, to feel self-conscious about performing in front of you before it’d even happened. Unable to help yourself any longer, you reached forward and brushed your thumb along the edge of his lips, scooping up the drop of custard—though, really, it was just an excuse to touch him.

Chan looked caught off guard for a moment, fingers flexing around the pastry in his hand. Then, the smile was back on his face, even wider this time.

“You’re so cute,” you murmured. “If you say that, it just makes me wanna see you more, y’know.”

He reached up to fiddle with his piercing, both dimples now on full display. “Will you be back in town by then?”

“I’m gonna be here for most of the break, actually,” you confessed.

His eyes lit up. “You serious?”

You nodded, praying he wouldn’t ask you to elaborate.

“So am I!” he beamed. “I’m doing an independent study, so I won’t have the chance to go home.”

It dawned on you for the first time that Chan’s family was, in fact, still living in Australia while he attended university. You hadn’t even considered the possibility that he might not be visiting them over the summer. That same, familiar ache touched your heart again—it must get lonely for him. Here you were, purposely avoiding your hometown at all costs, when he was likely longing for his.

“Oh no,” you frowned. “Not even for a short trip?”

“Nah.” He waved his hand, seemingly unaffected. “But it’s alright. I’ve got you, and my buddy Felix will be here for a while, too.”

Felix. Another name you’d heard thrown around by Chan and Changbin on more than one occasion. He was yet another junior that Chan had managed to befriend somehow, and, just like him, he’d grown up in Australia. It eased your mind a bit, knowing that he and Chan at least had each other when everyone else was home for the holidays.

“But what about you?” He cocked his head. “Any reason you’re staying?”

The dreaded question. This time, you couldn’t depend on the safety of a phone call to keep him from gauging your reaction.

“I just prefer it here, I guess.” You picked at the paper wrapping of your bread, hoping to sound nonchalant. “There’s some stuff I don’t wanna deal with back home. But, knowing my parents, I’ll probably still go for a week or so.”

Suddenly, the look on his face wasn’t quite so bright. It was subtle, just a fleeting crack in his typically bubbly demeanor, but not lost on you. Whether it was the mention of your parents or your vaguely cynical response that had brought about such a strange reaction, you weren’t sure, but you berated yourself for being responsible for dampening his mood, even if it was short-lived.

“I get that,” he said softly. “Let’s have a good time here together, yeah?”

Chan didn’t speak any further on the topic, but somehow, you couldn’t shake the feeling that he resonated with what you’d said more than he was letting on.

。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。

Three days into your visit back home, you came to fully accept the fact that you were in way over your head.

From the moment you’d stepped off the train, hit with that warm, familiar air, tinged with the scent of pine, you could already feel it picking away at you. The trip from the station to your house, which you’d stubbornly chosen to make by foot, was full of bittersweet sights, sounds, and smells that had shaped you growing up, with each one tugging your seams loose just a little bit more. It felt akin to whiplash, a harsh dive into the deep end of reality after the past month you’d spent with Chan, stuck in a giddy haze.

Thanks to him, the harsh sting of summer had become more of a dull ache, not quite fading altogether, but soothed into something more manageable, at least. With Iseul, Changbin, and all your other friends returning home for vacation, you’d breezed through the entirety of June almost exclusively in Chan’s company. More often than not, Felix would join in as well, making for an unexpectedly pleasant dynamic among the three of you. You’d taken a liking to the boy in no time—it was impossible not to, when he had a smile like the sun and an infectious sort of vitality that brought joy to even the simplest of activities. He was a bit more reserved than Chan, at least around you, but he had a similar kind of warmth, the kind that was sure to enamor anyone he crossed paths with.

Between movie nights (more superhero movies than you’d ever thought existed), day trips to the beach (with Chan, thankfully, taking your sanity into account and wearing a tank top at all times), and far too many baking sessions (some successful, most failed), what you’d initially feared to be a month of nothing but heat and misery had turned out to be some of the best weeks of your life.

It was only natural, of course, that the universe would follow them up with a week that was carefully crafted to send all that happiness you’d built toppling unceremoniously to the ground.

The pit of guilt you’d felt in your stomach about avoiding home for so long increased tenfold with every comment from your parents and relatives, joking about how you were too busy, too good for your family to waste time on them anymore. You almost wanted to be upset, because you knew they knew. But you also knew that they meant well. In their minds, they were doing you a favor by not addressing it, not daring to so much as utter your friend’s name around you. It was much easier to pretend like everything was okay. That was what you’d been doing for the past year, after all.

Still, no matter how hard you wished you could ignore it, the pesky, human desire for seeking solace in others persisted. You needed to release, to lift the top off the pressure cooker you’d kept so tightly sealed for so long.

You needed to talk to someone. But the only person in the world who you could’ve opened up to about losing her, was her.

Your thumb lingered over Chan’s contact, now on your fourth minute of debating whether or not you should throw caution to the wind and call him. You wanted to hear his voice rambling on, his absent-minded humming of whichever song was stuck in his head that day, his laughter.

With a deep inhale, you swiped out of your phone app, opening up your messages instead.

you (8:13 a.m.) hey it’s been a minute! how are u?

A response, almost immediately.

iseul 🪷 (8:13 a.m.) awful horrible miserable

you (8:14 a.m.) hello??? what’s going on?

iseul 🪷 (8:14 a.m.) family is driving me crazy and i hate men i also might be fired???? idk yet

You frowned, trying to process the unfortunate string of messages unfolding on your screen. You didn’t think it was possible for anyone to be having a worse time than you right now. It brought you back to your senses, reminded you of your place. Self-pity never suited you, anyway. Your sympathy was much better off reserved for others.

you (8:15 a.m.) oh my god? do you want to talk?

iseul 🪷 (8:15 a.m.) ugh yes i’ll ft you later at a family gathering rn 🤢 hate it here

you (8:16 a.m.) we’re in the same boat remember the right answer to every question is that ur focusing on ur studies

iseul 🪷 (8:16 a.m.) literally gonna be using that one all day ugh literally kill me

you (8:17 a.m.) being nosey is just how they show their love~

iseul 🪷 (8:17 a.m.) they should show their love a little less

you (8:18 a.m.) lmaoo

you (8:19 a.m.) btw do you still want me to look over that paper for your grad school app?

iseul 🪷 (8:19 a.m.) omg….. omfg yes i totally forgot omfg i’ll send it to u when i’m free pls read it fix it make me sound smarter

With the way Iseul was typing a mile a minute, you were certain you’d be in for an earful when you talked to her later. Strangely enough, it lifted a bit of weight off your shoulders. Maybe you could focus on reviewing her essay and offering her advice on the many, many issues she seemed to be facing as a way to take your mind off the growing itch in your skin.

That was all you had to do, really. Make yourself useful, keep yourself preoccupied with something at all times until you could return to campus and restart the process of tucking away every memory associated with the previous summer from scratch.

It was just a matter of holding yourself together. Just one more week.

。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。

In the back of your mind, you couldn’t help but think that a day like this one shouldn’t be quite so sunny.

The sky was bright and spotless, an endless expanse of soft blue without so much as a single cloud daring to interfere. Some might say it was a good omen, a sign that you were being watched over with a smile, but to you, it almost felt like a taunt.

Still, the nice weather at least meant that your walk to the cemetery wouldn’t be met with any unexpected rain. Your mother had offered—or demanded, rather—to drive you if you weren’t going to drive yourself, so as not to keep your friends waiting; but much to her exasperation, you’d refused. You had an important stop to make along the way, anyway, one that both fueled your apprehension, and eased it.

It had officially been a year now. A year since you’d lost your best friend, a year since you’d ended your relationship, a year since your sense of self had become muddled. Nothing in the city felt like home, anymore. It had belonged to the both of you, and with her gone, there was nothing left for you.

A sudden call of your name nearly made you jump out of your skin. You looked up from the concrete, shocked to find that you’d zoned out long enough to have reached your destination without even processing it. Your eyes raked over the worn-down stand, once a pure, striking white, now chipped and rusted with age. Still, it brought a smile to your face, the first real one since you’d arrived home.

“Is that really you, kid?”

Steeling yourself, you lifted your head fully to face the man before you. He looked the same as ever, albeit with a bit less hair on his head, but his kind eyes and jovial smile hadn’t changed one bit, they never did.

“Hello, Uncle Geun,” you greeted. “How have you been?”

Gruff, booming laughter met your ears, and you were pulled into a bone-crushing hug before you knew it. The smell of his colorful apron, musky from the heat, but not unpleasant, sent a wave of sentimentality crashing over you. It took everything in you not to tear up the moment it touched your senses.

He was a man that had watched you grow up, in the truest sense of the words. Over a decade ago, on this very street, you’d rounded the corner with a bit too much energy on your way to school, slamming into another little girl and sending you both toppling onto the unforgiving sidewalk. You’d managed to come out of it with just a skidded palm, but she, on the other hand, was bawling the instant she’d recovered from the initial impact.

Even as a child, you’d gotten the feeling that she was being a bit too dramatic about it all, sobbing about how her knees hurt and how her new jumper was ruined. Regardless, your stomach twisted with guilt, and when you saw that your apologies weren’t getting through to her, you’d done the first thing your little mind could think of, scurrying over to the nearby flower vendor and asking if he could spare you a gift for her. His smile had been just as grand back then as it was now, his laughter just as boisterous as he picked a chrysanthemum from his stock and handed it to you.

The second you’d shoved the round, yellow flower in her face, her crying came to an immediate halt, tears drying up and sniffles dying down, as if on cue. She accepted it with a smile as bright as the flower itself, pulling off a few petals for you when she noticed the scrapes on your hand.

You’d continued the walk to school side by side, and by the end of the day, the two of you had come to a mutual agreement that you were now, officially, best friends.

You blinked rapidly, hoping your expression wouldn't betray you when Uncle Geun finally pulled away from the hug.

“It’s good to see you,” he beamed. “Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?”

“That’s all you, Uncle. Even the flowers are jealous.”

Another raspy burst of laughter. “Clever as always.”

“Maybe that college education is worth something,” you joked.

His grin grew impossibly wider, silver tooth gleaming in the sunlight. “We’ve all missed you,” he said. “Doesn’t really feel like the summertime without the sight of you walking around the city with—”

He cut himself off at just the right instant. You felt a light pang in your chest, but you forced yourself to keep smiling.

“Well,” he cleared his throat. “You girls were always a joy.”

“We had a lot of great memories because of you,” you replied quietly.

An uncharacteristically somber look crossed his face, and your eyes fell back to the ground.

“So, what’ll it be, today?” he began, trying to put the pep back in his voice. “Don’t tell me you’re just here to give the old man a visit.”

“Chrysanthemums, please,” you requested. “They’re for her.”

You unzipped your bag, reaching in to pull out your wallet. Before you could even prepare your payment, however, his calloused hand rested over yours, shooing it away.

“This one’s on the house.”

。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。

You never made it to the cemetery.

However necessary it had felt for you to visit the flower stand and see Uncle Geun, the toll it took on your state of mind was far heavier than you’d ever anticipated—and you’d anticipated. Your conversation with him had left you disoriented, a strange ache pulsing through your body. Whether grief or nostalgia was at its core, you weren’t sure.

With blurry vision, you’d texted your friends that you wouldn’t be able to make it and returned home, clutching the bouquet of flowers close to your chest. In a matter of twenty minutes, you gathered up all your belongings, tossed them into your hardly unpacked suitcase, and arranged to take the first train back home. Your new home, the one that felt right for all the wrong reasons.

Despite your parents’ adamant protests, you stood by your decision to leave. You promised to make it up to them with another visit, and after almost an hour of arguing, the hollowness of your voice finally seemed to get through to them. Disapproving but ultimately understanding, they’d quietly allowed you to go.

The train ride was a blur. You didn’t remember much of it, and only when you approached the front door of your apartment at last did you feel the fog in your head begin to clear just a bit. As you dug around for your keys, you realized for the first time how stiff your hand had become. You’d kept it wrapped tightly around the chrysanthemums for the entire trip home, not loosening your death grip even once.

The heavy sigh of relief you let out as you stepped into your apartment was cut short when you registered an unexpected figure standing near the window. Even in all your shock, you didn’t have the energy to call out louder than your usual volume.

“Chan?”

His reaction was priceless, yelping in fear and spinning around at a breakneck speed. You were lucky that he at least managed to avoid dropping the watering can in his hand and send it crashing to the floor.

“Y-you’re here!?”

The fact that it sounded like a genuine question when you were standing right in front of him shouldn’t have endeared you so much. You placed down your bags, praying that your exhaustion wasn’t as obvious as it felt.

“Surprise,” you nearly cringed at how weak it came out.

In all your turmoil, you’d completely forgotten that Chan had offered to water your plants for you while you were gone. Though, to be fair, even if you had remembered, you wouldn’t have expected to stumble in on him doing so at near midnight.

“Welcome back!” His face broke out into a radiant smile. It felt more like home than anything you’d experienced the past week. “Are those new flowers for me to water?”

Despite everything, you smiled back at him, placing the bouquet on your countertop and padding over to him. He opened his arms in an instant, and you fell into them, squeezing him tighter than was probably necessary and earning a cute, tiny grunt.

“Thank you, Channie,” you simply said. His warmth enveloped you and his scent wafted over you, freshly-washed laundry and the fading, sweet citrus of his cologne. “It’s good to see you.”

“I missed you,” he sucked in hesitantly through his teeth before continuing. “But, is everything alright? I thought you still had another few days.”

“Yeah. Just a little change of plans,” hoping to lighten the mood, you added, “Guess I can’t be kept away from you for too long.”

You knew he wouldn’t buy the excuse, but he giggled anyway, shoulders vibrating against you as the melodic sound graced your ears. A part of you had initially been horrified by the prospect of Chan catching you like this, but now, all you felt was an overwhelming sense of calm.

Reluctantly, you pulled back to face him. His eyes were drowsy—nothing new there—but there was a healthy complexion to his skin. He looked just a bit tanner than the last time you’d seen him; he must’ve spent a lot of his free time at the beach.

“Well, I’m glad you’re here,” he didn’t let go of you, even after the hug had ended. “Felix will be, too. Pretty sure he secretly thinks you’re a better baking assistant than me.”

You let out a hum of amusement. “Can’t say I blame him when you steal all the chocolate chips.”

He puckered his lips into a pout. Not truly upset, but enough for you to lean in and press an apologetic kiss to them. You would’ve taken any opportunity to do so, anyway.

His breath caught in his throat—you’d quickly learned that it was inevitable, no matter how many times you kissed him—but he returned it instantly, melting into you like he’d been itching to do from the second you’d arrived. It was something you hadn’t fully adjusted to yet, how impossibly soft his lips were. They demanded all of your attention in their fullness, moving against yours with a timid sort of vigor.

You hadn’t expected it to be more than just a light peck, but once you’d gotten a taste of him, of his warmth, you couldn’t help yourself. It was his fault, you decided, for diving into you with such unabashed eagerness. Your teeth grazed delicately along his lower lip, and he opened his mouth to let out a sweet, airy sigh.

The feeling that you’d so narrowly escaped on the night you’d first kissed him took hold of you yet again, so strong in its grip that you worried you may not be able to ignore it this time. Your hands roamed down to his abdomen, brushing over it just enough to feel the outline of his muscles beneath his clothes. You remembered the sight of him in the natatorium that day—toned stomach and soft hips, smooth, irresistible skin that looked like it hadn’t been marked a day in his life. You wanted all of it, all of him.

Chan angled his head to further deepen the kiss, nose bumping against yours in the process. You felt his lips curve into a shy smile, and another sound escaped him, almost like a squeak.

You weren’t sure how much time had passed when you finally found it in you to break the kiss. When his eyes blinked open, he looked adorably lost, gaze falling right back down to your lips as if to ask why you’d stopped. He swayed just barely under your hands, and you strengthened your hold on his waist to steady him.

“You look like you’re about to fall over, Channie,” you teased.

“Sorry,” he chuckled breathlessly. “My heart’s kinda racing.”

It was such a sincere admission, so simple and honest. Even if you couldn’t already tell what he was thinking on your own, he wore his heart on his sleeve. Or rather, he held it out in his hands, offering it up to you.

You let go of his waist to lock your fingers with his. You’d grown used to the heat by now, but everything else you were feeling in that moment made it burn just as much as the first time you’d touched him. With just a light tug at his arm, he was following you to your bedroom, clutching your hand a little tighter.

“Is this better?” you asked, settling down on the bed with him.

He ducked his head, too flustered to respond. Playfully, you lifted two fingers and placed them on his neck, as if to check his pulse. You pressed down into his skin, and he nearly gasped. If it hadn’t been racing before, it certainly was now.

“I-it’s been a while,” he meekly tried to explain.

Given how his body reacted to your every little touch, you had no trouble believing it. You couldn’t deny how much it excited you, too. He was such a sweet boy; you felt a need, a hunger, to see the most intimate parts of him, to see what pleasure and vulnerability and desperation might look like on such an angelic face. You wanted to make him a part of you, to engulf him and protect him, to take on his emotions and forget about yours.

Driven by a newfound urgency, you all but crashed back into him. He met your fire with equal enthusiasm, parting his lips to let your tongue slide against his—hot and wet in a way that made the both of you shiver. Your hands began roaming again, feeling up the broad expanse of his shoulders, his chest, his arms. You palmed and squeezed at them to your heart’s content, as if to make sure the moment was real, to make sure he was real. It was still hard to fathom, that the man you’d been dreaming about for almost three months now was here in your bed.

You trailed further down in your touch, fingers sliding under his loose shirt and palms flattening against his skin. Suddenly, Chan tensed, retreating from the kiss just enough to speak, but still close enough that his lips brushed against yours with every word.

“W-wait,” he stuttered out. “I don’t…I didn’t…”

You paused, fearing for a moment that you’d misread the situation. He had said it’d been a while, after all. Maybe he wasn’t ready. Maybe he wasn’t used to moving this fast; you certainly weren’t.

“Is something wrong?”

“I don’t have protection,” he warned quietly. “I-I didn’t think…”

Despite every cell in your body crying out in protest, you pulled back to get a proper look at him. His eyes were dark, pupils blown wide and putting his longing on full display for you to see.

He seemed to be struggling with getting his sentence out, so you guessed for him. “You didn’t think this would happen?”

He averted his eyes. “Just…didn’t wanna assume anything.”

Cute, cute, cute. He was so painfully cute.

“I’m protected,” you reassured him. “You don’t have to worry.”

Even if he had brought contraceptives, against your better judgment, you weren’t quite sure if you’d be content with using them. You wanted all of him, skin on skin, every inch. Nothing else would satisfy the burn, the ache that had been burgeoning inside you since the day you’d first met him.

“You don’t have to worry about a thing,” you pressed your forehead against his. “Let me take care of you, Channie.”

The sound he made in response, low and needy in his throat, set something off in you. Miraculously, you managed to prevent yourself from digging your nails into his stomach, just to relieve some of the tension that was consuming your body at an alarming rate.

Instead, you took his chin between your fingers, tilting it up. “Is that okay with you?”

Chan swallowed, so hard that you could see his adam’s apple bob in his throat. “Yeah,” he breathed. “I c-can pull out. Just tell me when, please, and I’ll listen.”

He said it so earnestly that you pressed your thighs together. You had no plans to tell him, and you got the feeling he understood that from the look in your eyes alone.

“You’re good at listening, aren’t you?” you cooed.

He nodded, eyes squeezing shut when your hand came to cradle his head. “I’ll be good for you,” he mustered up the courage to say it, grateful for the lack of eye contact. “Whatever you want, I’ll do it.”

Good for you. The words made your heart sing. He was already so good for you just existing. He was perfect for you.

“Whatever I want?” you brushed your thumb up and down his cheek. “Everything I want is already right in front of me.”

A blush crept up on his face, dusting it that unmistakable rosy shade that was so Chan. You felt his skin heating up as he nuzzled into your palm with a flustered laugh, and you took the opportunity to gently guide him down, resting his back against the bed. With bated breath, he watched you come to hover above him, his hands bunching nervously at the bedsheets. You slipped your fingers back under his shirt and began tugging it up his torso. He stiffened, but still raised himself slightly off the mattress to allow you to pull off the garment.

The moment your eyes landed on his bare upper body, he was looking away again, chest rising and falling rapidly in anticipation. You rested a hand over his left pec, feeling up the defined muscle and his heartbeat along with it.

“Beautiful,” you murmured.

Chan stammered out something that sounded vaguely like a protest, but he didn’t have the chance to finish before you were leaning down and pressing a kiss to his neck. His response was immediate, tilting his head and baring his skin to you. Your mouth traveled along his jawline and down the column of his throat, sucking and nibbling at every spot you touched. By the time you reached his collarbones, he was already squirming in barely-concealed want beneath you, and you stole a glance at him to find him biting down hard on his lip in restraint.

“You’re so beautiful, Channie,” you dragged your teeth along the curve of his chest, and his hips shot up into you. “I can’t believe I get to see you like this.”

“Please,” he buried his face in his hands. It was adorable, but not as adorable as the sight of embarrassment and pleasure twisting his features. So, you rested your hands over his and pulled them away, pinning his muscular arms above his head and rendering them powerless.

“You said you’d do whatever I want, right?” you began. “So, no hiding.”

His eyes glazed over with lust, so taken by how exposed he felt below you that he almost forgot to nod.

“And,” you continued, lowering yourself to speak right into his ear. “No holding back, okay? I know you have a pretty voice, let me hear it.”

“I…” for a second, he appeared at a loss for words. “O-okay.”

“Good boy,” you let go of his hands, dragging your fingers lightly down his biceps and watching him shudder. You readjusted your position to resume your earlier ministrations, kissing down the valley of his chest and fighting the temptation to sink your teeth into it—hard. You wanted nothing more than to leave his skin red and bruised and blossoming with love bites, but you knew you probably shouldn’t when any marks you made would be clear as day to his teammates during swim practice. Instead, you settled for pressing wet, open-mouthed kisses along his body, grazing his skin with your teeth just enough to appease yourself without leaving a lasting trace. The softness of your lips pressed against the lean ridges of his abs, making for a contrast that neither of you could get enough of.

“Such a pretty baby,” you mumbled, licking a stripe down his stomach and feeling his muscles contract under your tongue. “My pretty baby boy.”

It slipped out like an instinct, and before you could stop to wonder if it may be too much for Chan, a long, shaky moan met your ears.

Oh. He was loud.

Suddenly, his frantic attempts to suppress himself made perfect sense. You had a feeling that he hadn’t let completely loose yet, either. Heat pooled in your stomach at the thought of what kind of noises you could draw out of him. You couldn’t wait much longer.

“Do you like that? Baby boy?” you asked sweetly. Chan raised his hips off the mattress as your fingers danced delicately along his sides, soothing and exciting him all at once.

“M-mhm.” It was all he could get out without making another mortifying sound.

“Tell me what you like,” you swirled your tongue around his belly button, slowly approaching his v-line. “Tell me what feels good.”

“All of it,” he gasped. “All of you.”

You smiled against his skin, and your lips found the waistband of his shorts, allowing you to see for the first time just how much he meant it. You’d been so focused on attending to his upper half that you hadn’t even thought about the state of him down there. He was hard, fully hard. You wouldn’t be surprised if he was leaking in his underwear by now. It almost made you feel a tinge of guilt, leaving him neglected for so long; but his building desire was palpable, and it fed into your arousal like nothing else.

Mischievously, you gave his bulge a kittenish lick. Chan all but jolted, hand flying over his mouth a moment too late to mask his hiccup.

“I’m gonna make you feel so good, angel,” you promised, fingers dipping under the elastic of his waistband. “So good, you won’t be able to think about anything else.”

“Oh, God,” he whimpered. “Need you.”

“I’m right here, Channie,” you pulled his shorts down in one go, removing his underwear along with them. He hissed through his teeth as the air hit his exposed length, cooling the drops of precum that had dribbled from his tip. Carefully, you took him into your hand, licking your lips when you felt him throb at the contact.

“Poor thing,” you feigned sympathy. “You’re so worked up.”

You knew it took everything in Chan not to bury his face in the sheets. Instead, he bucked up into your grasp as a wordless plea, struggling to gain some kind of friction. His body was just as honest as he was with his words. Every subtle shift in his expression, every sensitive twitch of his body, every poorly concealed sound—they made it so easy to understand what he was feeling. He made himself so easy for you to take apart.

Gently, you gestured for him to sit up. It took him a moment to process the command, and you couldn’t help but think he looked akin to a lost puppy, blinking his foggy eyes in confusion before clumsily willing himself upright. You ushered him back until he was resting against the headboard, slipping off your own shorts and underwear and settling into his lap in one fell swoop.

“You’re not the only one, though,” you drawled, taking his cock back into your hand. You pressed his tip just barely against your heat, allowing your wetness to mix with his precum. “Do you feel it?”

A desperate groan rumbled in his chest, going straight to your core. “Y-yes. Please, let me feel you. Wanna make you feel good, too.”

You hummed playfully, circling the head of his dick around your entrance and gathering up more of your essence. His thighs jerked up against yours, a weak apology immediately following it. Just to tease him further, you stopped what you were doing and turned your attention to your own shirt, taking your sweet time in slipping it off your torso and discarding it.

The ache between your legs was almost unbearable at this point, but the way Chan’s breathing picked up when he realized what you were doing made it all worth it. You unclasped your bra from behind, letting it slip off your shoulders and exposing your bare body to him.

His stare dropped, locking on the sight of your chest with a shaky inhale. A mere few inches separated you, but he gazed at you like you were untouchable, like he could only admire you from afar. It made you giggle—even now, he was still so shy.

“Are you ready, Channie?”

He looked back up at you with a nod, and you almost wished he hadn’t, because the pure adoration swimming in his eyes effectively sent the last of your self-control crumbling.

You lined him up with your entrance and sank down on his cock all at once. The gasp you let out was only rivaled by the sound of his own cry, loud and shameless, like he himself didn’t even realize it was coming from him.

Heat rippled throughout your entire body, stronger than you’d ever felt it before. It held the exhilaration of something new, yet the intimacy of something familiar, and it set every one of your nerve endings ablaze. You clenched around Chan the moment you connected with his base, taking in his size and shape, wrapping yourself around him; all of him, just like you’d wanted.

He surged forward with another strained noise, head falling into your chest and nestling into its softness. You rested a hand on the back of his head, tangling your fingers in his curls and placing your other hand on his shoulder.

“Mine,” you whispered.

Vaguely, you heard it, timid and breathless, mumbled into your skin. “Yours. ‘M yours.”

There was no way to hide how the words affected you, not when your walls tightened around his cock in a way that made him tremble. It almost made you wonder if he knew about the burn, about the inexplicable need to make him a part of you—or, rather, to take him back as a missing part of you. Did he feel it too?

You took a few moments to calm yourself and adjust to the feeling of him buried inside you. It felt right, like he was made for you. Like you were made for each other.

Every twitch of his length tested your patience more and more, and you knew that he himself must be hanging on by a thread by now. His hands hovered awkwardly above your hips, fingers flexing as he tried to decide what to do with them.

“You wanna touch, Channie?” you urged. “Go ahead.”

He peeked up at you from where his face was burrowed, as if to ask for the permission you’d already granted. You gave him an encouraging smile, and he took hold of your waist at last, squeezing tentatively.

“Th-thank you,” he stuttered.

He was thanking you. You didn’t think you could conjure up a more endearing, a more devastating detail if you tried. It made your heart melt and your arousal skyrocket. You needed to ruin him.

“You’re so cute,” you purred. “Hold on tight, okay?”

He pressed the pads of his fingers a bit deeper into your flesh. Using your grip on his shoulders for leverage, you lifted yourself off his cock bit by bit, relishing in the feeling of it dragging slowly along your walls. Without missing a beat, you snapped your hips back down, both to elicit a response in Chan, and to satisfy the immediate need to be full of him again. You succeeded in both, engulfing every inch of him even tighter than before, as if your body didn’t want to let him go a second time.

“A-ah, fuck!”

It sounded so strange coming from him, sweet voice cracking with a whimper, but so, so delicious.

“Is it good, Channie?”

You repeated the action, gliding up and down with ease thanks to the arousal that was all but dripping down your thighs at this point. Each bounce coated his length with slickness, creating messy, wet sounds that were sure to make his ears burn.

“Feels like I’m on fire,” he threw his head back, mouth falling open to give you a breathtaking view. “So—ah—good. You feel so good, so warm.”

You puffed out a giggle, unable to get a word in amidst his babbling. Instead, you picked up your pace, fueled on by his reactions as the pleasure steadily overwhelmed him.

“So beautiful, I—” he gasped. “Need you.”

Your heart swelled with affection; he was already so far gone. “I’ve got you,” you ran your fingers through his hair and he practically keened. “You’re doing so well for me, Channie. You’re perfect for me.”

Half-lidded eyes blinked up at you, and he subconsciously tugged at your hips, trying to pull you closer.

“I’ll be good,” he repeated his earlier vow. “You can even be m-mean to me, I’ll be good.”

The words caught you by surprise. Still, you kept your expression calm, something to ease his mind amidst the slew of sensations clouding it. You slowed down to trace your thumb along his cheek, so delicately that if he didn’t focus hard enough, your touch would be lost on him.

“Do you want me to?”

Remembering how he’d reacted earlier, you let your hands slide down to his neck, resting them there experimentally without pressing down just yet. Chan let out a whine, the vibrations of it making your palms tingle.

“There, please,” he tilted his head even further back, bumping it against the headboard. “Wanna feel you everywhere.”

Your stomach flipped, adrenaline coursing through your veins as you wrapped your fingers completely around his throat. It was thick, pumping with life. You had to use both hands. Chan bit his lower lip in anticipation, another low whine spilling out of him.

Taking great care in your movements, you began riding him again, lifting yourself on his cock, then sliding back down just as you squeezed at the sides of his throat. You didn’t want to hurt him—not really. You just wanted to toy with him a bit, watch him squirm under your fingertips. You wanted to push him to his limit, then guide him safely right back to you.

“Let me know if it’s too much, okay?”

“Y-yes,” he managed. “I will. Promise.”

The response was so immediate, so desperate, like he was afraid you might change your mind and stop. He throbbed inside you when you applied more force to your grip, almost sounding relieved in the airy moan that escaped him. You watched, fascinated, as his face flushed a shade deeper, whether from arousal or shortness of breath, you weren’t quite sure.

To better control your grip on his neck, you halted your bouncing to switch to a slower, deliberate grinding of your hips instead. Chan jerked up beneath you, the newfound rhythm pressing your walls against his cock and making him dizzy.

You contracted your fingers around his throat repeatedly, adding and removing the slightest bit of pressure to match the rocking of your hips. His tip brushed against your sweet spot, and you let out a soft moan that only seemed to bring him closer to his breaking point.

“Oh, God,” he groaned. “W-wait…slow down, please. ‘M getting close.”

“Slow down?” you tilted your head. “Why? Don’t you wanna cum, baby boy?”

He squeezed his eyes shut, and you loosened your hold on his neck so he could speak properly.

“Wanna finish with you,” he slurred. “Wanna make you feel good, too.”

You should’ve expected it. Of course he would have such an earnest, such an adorable reason to ask something of you—it was Chan. Even at the height of his pleasure, he was still thinking of yours, making sure you were enjoying yourself as much as he was. It spread an unbelievable warmth in your chest, different from the intense, sultry heat brewing between your bodies.

It also made you want to mess with him.

“Don’t worry, Channie,” you dragged your nails along his neck, not enough to draw blood, but enough to scratch, to make him shudder beneath you. “I feel good just watching you fall apart like this.”

His hands stayed latched to your hips, following them with every tortuous rock, but making no attempt to try and stop your movements. Despite that, his pleas didn’t let up, demanding in the sweetest, most polite of ways.

“Please,” his voice grew more frantic. “I’m really not gonna last, please, please.”

His whines chipped away at your resolve more than you let show; each one buzzing his vocal chords beneath your hands. He sounded so helpless, like he might burst into tears if he didn’t bring you to a climax with him.

“You sound so cute when you beg,” you marveled, sinking the pads of your fingers into his skin to feel his hammering heartbeat. “Maybe if you keep it up, I’ll change my mind.”

Much to Chan’s dismay, you continued your grinding, and you could see the concentration written all over his face as he fought to hold himself together. His hair had grown damp with sweat, face flushed and glistening from all his efforts. He looked so wrecked already; you could only imagine what it’d be like to see him cum.

You leaned in and kissed him. His lips were puffy and glossy and right there. It earned a cute mewl of surprise from the man, and it turned up in pitch when you took his lower lip between your teeth and nibbled. He let go of your hips to wrap his arms fully around your waist, trapping you as close as your bodies would allow.

“So—mmph—close.” His tongue slid against yours, jumbling his speech even further. “Please, please, please!”

You tugged at his plush lips one last time before breaking the kiss. “Gonna cum, angel?” You clenched around him, encouraging him to let go. “Don’t hold back. Empty inside me like a good boy.”

“Oh my God.” Chan’s whole body tensed beneath you, head dropping right back into your chest with a choked sob. You felt his cock pulse wildly inside you, and soon after, the flood of his release. Coupled with the moan that spilled out of him, drawn-out and broken and still so loud despite being muffled by your flesh, you were almost sent over the edge yourself.

“That’s it, Channie,” you played with his hair as his climax rippled through him. “Look at you, filling me up so well. Good boy, good boy.”

It was almost devious, the way you stopped moving like he’d so hopelessly been begging for, only once he’d come down from his high. He slumped against you, his pants gradually dying down into cute, content sighs. When he finally found a strong enough grip on his consciousness to speak, it came whiny, sulky.

“Not fair,” he mumbled into you. “Wanted to finish together.”

He lifted his head, and you broke out into gentle giggles. The expression on his face would’ve been one of pure bliss if it weren’t for his very prominent, very effective pout.

“Can I count this as my second win?” You tapped his nose.

He huffed, but the beginnings of a smile tugged at his features, betraying him. “Please, let me do something for you.” He glanced down at the spot you were connected, wetting his lips. It made your core clench in a way that you knew he couldn’t miss. “Let me make you feel good.”

“I do feel good, Channie,” you insisted, and you meant it. “Better than ever, actually.”

Though the guilt didn’t fade from his pleading stare and furrowed brows, he at least seemed to believe you. He studied your face for a split second longer before leaning in, nudging his nose against yours to ask for another kiss.

You could’ve easily stayed that way for the rest of the night, savoring his warmth, the fullness, the wholeness that you felt when nestled into each other in every possible way. But judging by how sensitive Chan was, you knew there was a very real chance of him getting hard again, and regardless of how much you wanted it, neither of you had the energy to go again. Reluctantly, you hoisted yourself off of his length, sharing a flustered exhale with him when some of his seed trickled out of you and dripped on to his thigh.

Ten minutes later, the two of you were laid side by side in your bed, staring at the ceiling with your hands brushing delicately against each other.

“This…” Chan spoke up suddenly, breaking the comfortable silence. “This isn’t a usual thing for me.”

You couldn’t deny the relief you felt upon hearing it. The answer to a question that had been floating in the back of your mind without you even realizing. It was selfish—meaningless, too—but you felt it all the same.

You were well past the point of pretending like your relationship with Chan was something ordinary, anyway. Whatever existed between you, it was magnetic and burning and inevitable, almost like you had no choice in the matter. In fact, that had to be the case, because if you’d had a choice, you certainly wouldn’t have let yourself fall into him so hard, or so fast.

“Me neither,” you admitted.

You heard the sheets rustle next to you. “Really?”

“Really.”

There was the faintest smile in his voice as he continued, and it made you wonder if he was indulging in the same, selfish satisfaction as you. It wouldn’t be a surprise, considering the way he seemed to mirror even the most intimate parts of you— parts that you barely even knew of until you saw them reflected in him.

“Yeah,” he breathed. “I…I’m never so…quick?” You could tell he was trying to choose his words carefully, but there was only so much he could do when his emotions were still running high and his head was still in a haze. “It can take months, e-even longer sometimes, for me to—”

“I don't think you’re easy, Channie,” you teased. “If that’s what you’re worried about.”

You turned your head, just in time to see that rosy tint spread across his cheeks, still visible even in the dim light. It was a sight you might get addicted to.

“I just want you to know that this means something to me,” he said softly.

Something gripped you, dropped a pebble in the calm surface of your lake. You didn’t have much time to think about it though, to worry about finding a window to break out of before you were past the point of no return. For tonight, you let yourself lean fully into that persistent flame.

“It means something to me too,” you murmured. “I wouldn’t have done this with anyone but you.”

Chan let out a shy hum, going quiet for a bit before stroking your pinky finger with his.

“So,” he began. “Are you ready to tell me what happened?”

You tensed slightly in your spot. You’d hoped he would’ve forgotten about it by now, or, at least, been too busy basking in the afterglow to bring it up again so soon. The endorphins that had been flooding through your system ebbed just a bit. This moment was too precious to sully by thinking about it—about him.

Suddenly, it felt all too reminiscent of what had transpired exactly one year ago; the first and last time you’d ever tried talking to anyone about the loss of your friend. It had been with someone you’d thought you loved, someone you’d thought loved you. And maybe, he really had believed that he loved you, too. You’d never know, now.

Imbalanced didn’t even begin to describe it. Imbalance was the balance of your relationship; you’d provide everything, and he’d take it all. The roles had come so naturally to the both of you that you’d never once questioned them, or where they might lead you.

He needed comfort, you liked comforting him. He needed support, you liked supporting him. He needed someone to depend on, you liked being depended on. Equal exchange, the perfect dynamic on paper, and—for the most part—it had worked. You didn’t really have the chance to notice how thin you were stretching yourself, because he was happy, and that made you happy.

One simple question was enough to shake that foundation, however, enough to expose how fragile it all really was and send it toppling to the ground in the ugliest of ways. A question that, in all its simplicity, hadn’t crossed your mind until you were all but forced to confront it last summer.

If your relationship was built solely on your ability to accommodate him, what happened when you couldn’t accommodate him anymore?

You were always encouraged with the most deceptively sweet words to open up to him, to share your thoughts and feelings and troubles the same way he did with you. But every single time without fail, his reaction made you want to seal your mouth shut, never to have the audacity to utter a single word about yourself again.

“I regret asking” or, “Well, now I’m just depressed” or, “Let’s talk about something else” or, sometimes, even nothing at all. You soon came to find that the role you had taken on wasn’t just to his benefit, it was to your detriment. You were a mere footnote in his happiness, and nothing could ever break that mold.

“My best friend died.”

“Oh,” he’d said. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s horrible.”

You’d nodded, sensing instantly that you would’ve felt better if you’d kept quiet.

“I don’t really know what to say.”

You shut your eyes, unsure of what you’d expected from him in the first place. It was pathetic, anyway, to hope for words of comfort that you knew would be hollow. Nothing could’ve made it okay, especially not anything he could offer you.

“That’s okay,” you replied. “You don’t have to say anything.”

A deep breath, and then, a glimpse of weakness.

“Just…stay with me, please.”

The request had sounded so unnatural coming out of your mouth, like it was a phrase you were learning to say in a foreign tongue for the first time. You winced at yourself, but it was already too late to take back.

“Oh, yeah. Sure.”

The two of you had sat in silence for some time. It could’ve been seconds or hours, and you wouldn’t have known the difference. His hand rested on your back for part of it, running up and down in a motion that you used to calm him down when he was upset. Eventually, though, he seemed to have decided it was a lost cause and awkwardly removed it.

You still weren’t quite sure how you’d managed to hold back your tears that day. But your sniffling and sobbing being the only sound echoing throughout the deathly silent room had been the last thing you’d wanted; you already felt vulnerable enough just letting him see you like that. You didn’t want to break in front of him, and you were certain he didn’t want you to either. A crack in you meant the absolute shattering of him.

After shifting around uncomfortably in his spot for a few moments, he finally spoke up.

“Maybe this isn’t the best time, but does that mean tomorrow’s off?”

It took several seconds for you to process the question. You wondered, briefly, if you’d imagined it at first, or if he really was just that horribly out of touch with reality—with you as a human being.

You wanted to glare at him, to ask him why that would even be something to consider right now, let alone ask about, but miraculously, you’d restrained yourself.

“Yeah. I might need a few days.”

More silence, and then you felt his weight lift from the cushions next to you. He avoided eye contact as you raised your head to look at him.

“I should probably go.”

A pang in your chest. “Why?”

Please don’t. You’d desperately wanted to add.

“I feel bad. Like, I shouldn't be here,” he mumbled. “Just…let me know when you’re feeling better, alright? Love you.”

And then he left.

A few days later, he’d texted you like he always did. No question of how you were, no condolences, and most definitely no apology. He’d said he missed you—which, you’d come to learn long ago, was never just an honest expression of attachment when it came to him. It was a signal, a sort of code to let you know there was something he needed from you. He didn’t just miss you, he missed what you could do for him.

Another week passed, and you’d broken up with him. It was unusually cold of you, doing something so drastic through text, but you couldn’t find it in you to even leave your apartment, let alone face the maelstrom of emotions that were sure to unleash if you’d met him in person. You’d experienced it once before, the first time you’d tried to end things. Crying, begging, apologizing, all so profuse yet so hollow.

The second time, his guilting and false assurances hadn’t worked, or rather, they might have if it weren’t for the distance between you. If you’d tested your conviction in front of his distraught, teary face, swearing that he wouldn’t be able to live without you, you weren’t so sure you could’ve gone through with it. He looked so innocent, so harmless, you’d never guess that he’d be the one to suck the life out of you without a care in the world.

When the usual tactics didn’t work, he’d resorted to anger. In a way, you understood—he was hurt, and no matter how hard you tried to spell it out for him, he simply couldn’t comprehend all the ways he’d hurt you first. He hadn’t done anything, but that was exactly the problem.

As much as you wished you could’ve brushed it off, it had stuck with you. The accusations that you were a liar, a manipulator who promised him boundless love and care only to rip it away with cruel indifference once he’d come to rely on it. Even now, you weren’t entirely sure if he’d been wrong, and that in itself was enough to make you want to lock away your heart and toss out the key for good.

But here, you had Chan. The boy who could be carrying the entire world on his shoulders, and still offer to take some of the weight off of yours. The boy who could be struggling to keep his own head afloat, and still pass you his life preserver without a second thought. The more time you’d spent around him, the more you’d come to witness firsthand just how much he did for everyone, even people he wasn’t particularly close with—from small, thoughtful acts that might go unnoticed, to favors so arduous that they left him physically and mentally drained. All with the sweetest of smiles on his face.

You wanted to be the reason for his smile, not for his weariness.

“I told you,” you said lightly. “I just wanted to see you.”

“C’mon,” Chan giggled. “I know it’s more than that.”

You wondered just how much he knew. You wondered if he knew better than anyone else. Despite the complicated thoughts unfolding within you, you grinned, turning on your side to look at him. “I promise I’ll tell you later, okay?” You held out your pinky for good measure. “Right now, I don’t wanna focus on anything but this.”

Chan curled his finger around yours, the glow in his eyes rivaling the moonlight peeking through your blinds. You must’ve thought about how beautiful he looked a million times throughout the night, but now, faced with his tousled curls and his puffy lips—still reddened from all your kissing and biting—and his gaze that was watching you like you’d put the stars in the sky, it was all you could think about. He made it so easy, you mused, to focus on nothing on him.

You tried to snap yourself out of it. He was sweaty, he was sticky, most importantly, he was exhausted. He must be uncomfortable, laying in all the heat and perspiration that had accumulated in those sheets—thirsty, too. You unhooked your pinky from his and rolled off the bed with a bit too much haste, catching his attention.

His expression changed as he watched you rise to full standing, taking some time to stretch your spent muscles before searching around for your discarded top.

“Oh. Should I get going?”

It came quiet, demure, and it made you whip your head around.

“What?”

Chan paused, uncertain. “I-I mean…do you want me to leave?”

“Of course not,” you said instantly, just short of sharp. You were almost afraid to, but regardless, you asked, “Unless…you want to?”

“No,” his reply came just as fast. “Not at all.”

You had half a mind to ask him why he would even think you’d want him gone, especially given the conversation you’d just had, but you were too distracted by the look of pure bewilderment on his face. You didn’t understand it, nor did you like it.

“I’m just getting a washcloth and some water,” your voice softened, and it seemed to get through to him, at least.

“Oh,” he repeated. “Okay.”

It was followed by a small, bashful nod that eased your concerns just a bit. You padded to your bathroom and shut the door behind you, trying not to keep him waiting for too long as you cleaned yourself up and prepared a towel for him. His eyes followed you curiously when you stepped out and passed him on your way to the kitchen, retrieving two water bottles before finally joining him on your bed once more.

There was a short delay when you offered the water bottle to Chan. He blinked at it, as if it were some kind of unknown object, before thanking you quietly and accepting it from your hands. You told yourself he was probably still just a bit dazed, but it was hard to ignore the tinge of worry that pricked your mind.

As he tilted his head back to drink, your eyes fell down to his neck, admiring the way his throat bobbed with every gulp of water. The skin around it was blooming with noticeable, red marks along the lines you’d dragged your fingernails. It made you cringe slightly at yourself. You must've been more lost in the heat of the moment than you’d thought.

“How do you feel?” you checked once he’d downed half the bottle. “Does it hurt?”

You gestured to his neck, and he raised a hand to brush his fingers over the tender skin. “It doesn’t hurt,” he gave you a reassuring half-smile before adding, “I like it.”

You tried not to let the words affect you, to make you pounce at him and take him all over again. Instead, you took hold of the washcloth you’d prepared and pressed it to his neck. The water you’d soaked it in was warm, but it still felt cool to the touch when pressed against his burning flesh. He sighed contently, eyes drooping as you rubbed the reddened areas, taking great care not to irritate them further.

“Wanna lie down for me, Channie?”

“Ah…” He looked away, already leaning back despite the hesitance in his voice. “I-it’s okay, you really don’t have to.”

“I want to,” you said simply.

Chan seemed to sense the sincerity behind it, as he laid himself out the mattress without any further objections. Sheepish, but willing. Carefully, you began dabbing the towel at his face, wiping away the sweat from his forehead and making his eyes flutter shut. His muscles visibly relaxed as you moved further down his body, rubbing his neck, his shoulders, his chest, his stomach, his hips—you left no inch unaccounted for. The warm water you’d soaked the washcloth in calmed his every nerve-ending, so soothing, it almost distracted from how hyperaware he was of your every touch. 

His breath caught in his throat when you brushed over his thigh to clean up the mix of fluids that had begun to dry up on his skin, legs threatening to squeeze shut.

“You’re so sensitive,” you remarked.

He shifted slightly, an awkward chuckle escaping him. “Sorry.”

“It’s cute,” you gave him one last once-over before removing your hand, satisfied. “How are you feeling?”

“Good. Really good.” he blinked up at you lazily, a silent invitation for you to stop fussing over him and settle down next to him in the sheets at last.

You placed the washcloth on your nightstand, collapsing into the plush pillows with a sigh of your own. Chan scooted closer to you within seconds and, chest swelling with fondness, you opened your arms for him to nestle into. Even in all your intimacy, the two of you still couldn’t get enough of each other, filling every curve and gap between your bodies and interlocking your legs. You pressed a kiss to the top of his head before wrapping your arms around him, leaving no room for doubt that you wanted him there.

“Good night, Channie.”

“G’night,” it was barely audible, but even so, you could still hear the faint tremor in his voice. “I…thank you.”

Your eyes flickered down to him one last time before sleep overtook you. For a fleeting moment, you could’ve sworn you saw a wet gleam brimming in the corners of his eyes.

。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。

In retrospect, going out to buy groceries on a Sunday afternoon probably wasn’t your smartest move.

After you and Chan had awoken the morning prior—or, just you, you weren’t sure how much sleep he had really gotten—groggy and ravenous only to find an alarming lack of food in your apartment, you wanted to restock as soon as possible. In your defense, you hadn’t been home for over a week, and even before that, you’d been spending a considerable amount of your time out and about with Chan or at his apartment. Still, it was embarrassing enough for you to not want a repeat of the situation, especially given how often you’d make a point to scold him and Changbin for not eating substantial meals.

You’d trudged to the nearest convenience store with a list of basic necessities typed out in the notes of your phone, only to soon discover that you’d be lucky to find anything you were looking for judging by how packed the place was. The state of most shelves was enough to make you think people must be preparing for some kind of apocalypse unbeknownst to you. Frowning, you made your way over to the prepared meals section, hoping to at least find something to get you through the next few days. As you maneuvered past the suffocating amounts of people, the sight of a familiar face across one of the aisles stopped you in your tracks.

A sharp, sculpted nose bridge, eyelashes swooping out like a ski slope, and a slight lean in his posture. Lee Minho. You hadn't expected him to even be back in town yet, let alone to be running the same foolish errand as you at this hour (all for the sake of cola, apparently, if the ridiculously large stash in his basket was any indication).

He seemed to have noticed you just a split second before you did him, fixing you with a stare so sharp that you had to blink a few times to make sure you weren’t imagining it.

You weren’t.

His eyes were dark and unwavering, boring into you with an intensity that made you feel as if you were the only two people in the store—and not in the romantic, heart-fluttering kind of way. It was more like everyone else had scattered the instant they’d sensed the tension, leaving you to fend for yourself under a glare that singled you out with an almost predatory accuracy. You waited for the reveal, the cheeky smirk that always followed, but it never came.

Oh.

Minho didn’t like you.

He really, really didn’t like you.

You felt stupid for not realizing it sooner. At the same time, however, he’d never really given you a reason to, and you liked to think you weren’t dense enough to completely miss it if he had. Suddenly, you found yourself re-evaluating every interaction you’d ever had with the guy, scanning and analyzing your conversations down to the most minute of details to try and recall if that same coldness he was emitting now had ever been present before. You thought back to the last time you’d spoken to him, just a week into summer break before he’d gone home. The two of you had started up a short, innocuous chat about the current anime he was watching, and outside of his very serious claims that it was undoubtedly the best of the season, nothing else about it really stood out to you.

You’d even taken his suggestion and watched it in your free time—one of the many, many distractions implemented in your visit home—and you’d planned on sharing your thoughts with him when you saw each other again. With the look he was giving you now, though, like he hoped you might spontaneously combust if he focused hard enough, you got the feeling he wasn’t exactly interested in hearing what you had to say.

Minho turned his head, preparing to leave the aisle without acknowledging you any further. Despite every one of your instincts telling you not to, you followed him, too consumed by curiosity to ignore whatever kind of message he’d been trying to send with just his eyes. You needed to test things out, to be absolutely sure. You needed to know what had changed since the last time you’d spoken to him.

Well, realistically, you knew what had changed. One very major, very undeniable thing had changed. But that couldn’t be it—could it?

“Hey, Minho!”

He might not have bothered stopping if it weren’t for an older woman passing in front of him with an overloaded cart. You squeezed past the rows of people as quickly and respectfully as you could, managing to catch up with him just in time.

It was a bit harder, you noted right away, to mitigate the effects of his stone-faced expression up close. He gave you a terse nod.

“Hey.”

“You’re back in town?”

His face changed just barely, trading out stoicism for something a bit more amused. “Very observant.”

You forced out a light laugh for the sake of extending the conversation, just long enough to get a proper read on him. “How was your vacation?”

“Fine,” he shrugged, adjusting his grip on his basket. “Not long enough.”

“I feel that,” you made a noise of sympathy, as if you hadn’t spent the past two months counting down the days until the fall semester began.

“How about you?” he was at least polite enough to return your question, but for some reason, it didn't really sound like he was asking. “Had fun?”

You barely caught it—a sneer. He definitely knew. It made your stomach flip a bit, if you were being honest, but you managed to keep a straight face.

“Yeah,” you replied evenly. “Me, Chan, and Felix made the most of it.”

“I’m sure.”

In your efforts to talk to him, you seemed to have accidentally stumbled into some kind of one-sided staring contest with this guy, because he hadn’t broken eye contact even once from the moment you’d strided up to him.

“It’s a shame,” he continued casually. “That you won’t be coming over anymore.”

You paused. “What do you mean?”

“Don’t tell me you’re planning on using Chan as a tutor this semester, too?”

Something about the way he said it, the way he phrased it, made it difficult for you to keep up your composed front.

“Of course not. He’s done enough for me already.”

“Good,” Minho hummed, and though it appeared to be in agreement, it only put you further on edge. “He’s graduating after this term—you know that, right? So, playing hero for you is the last thing he needs.”

You narrowed your eyes. For a brief moment, you wondered if he might actually be jealous of you, if he somehow saw you as some kind of threat. But you dismissed the idea almost as soon as it came—the look Minho was giving you wasn’t of someone who was threatened, it was the look of someone who was threatening you.

“Why are you talking to me like that?”

“Like what?” he cocked his head innocently.

“Like I’ve done something wrong.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” he dismissed. “Maybe it’s just your guilty conscience?”

You wanted to be annoyed, to call him out for how he was behaving in a way that he couldn’t twist. The problem was, he was being so fucking weird. You couldn’t even fully understand what he was trying to get at, or what his angle was. You weren’t even sure if he had an angle outside of just trying to get a rise out of you.

The corner of his lips curved up into a smirk. Just like the day you’d first met him, it was pure trouble, only now, it was missing the playfulness you’d come to know.

“What’s with that face?” he chuckled. “I’m only joking.”

Whatever this situation was, you decided you’d had enough of it.

“You’re usually funnier than that,” you said curtly.

At that, you dipped your head, stepped to the side, and walked past him, determined not to let the strange feeling bubbling up inside you reach the surface.

Minho’s stare followed you as you stalked off, piercing into your back. Even after you’d rounded the corner into another aisle, the chill of it lingered on your skin.

#bang chan x reader #skz x reader #bang chan fanfic #bang chan smut #skz smut #sub!bang chan #sub!skz #dom!reader #skz fanfic #skz imagines #bang chan imagines #sub!chan #stray kids x reader #bang chan x you

[kevcanwait]

His bed hasn't looked comfier than it did after a day with barely any breaks but he didn't want to stop, so instead of falling onto his bed, he sits at his desk.

Opening his laptop, the blinding light stings his eyes as he starts working again. Nothing exact, jumping from project to project but eventually, about an hour later, his focus is broken by a knock at his door and it opening a moment later.

"Chan, why you still up?" "O-oh, I...editing." He answered honestly as his manager, Mn, sighed and gave him a soft smile. "Don't stay up much longer." "I won't, Mn-nim"

When he left, Chan sighs and closes his laptop, the thought of the familiar comfort of his bed extremely tempting as he changed out of his clothes and got in bed, his soft comforter was warm and comfortable, surprisingly lulling him to sleep quickly.

"Good boy, Channie, that's it."

His body ran warm, squirming around his bed as he pants and whines, his blankets eventually end up off his body. Only being half awake, he didn't realize he had rolled onto his stomach and started grinding into the mattress, his noises completely ignored by himself. They were quiet, but someone in the living room heard.

Mn didn't mean to fall asleep at the boys dorm, he does have his own place but he only meant to stay an hour extra to make sure Jisung was okay since he had a cold. Mn sat up on the couch, leaning on his elbow as he tries to gauge if the noise he heard was worth checking or one of the boys was just using the bathroom. His tie askew and shirt unbuttoned at the first button, his hair ruffed up even more as he dragged his hand through his hair and rubbed his eyes to wake up a bit more.

When he heard a faint whine and cry, he sat up and made his way to the bedrooms, catching the sound from Chan's room. He must be having a nightmare, poor guy Mn thought as he cracked the door open, seeing Chan with his blankets thrown about and crying, nothing else, but when he stepped further in he heard Chan whimper his name followed by a moan, Shit was Mn's first thought as he flushed and turned around but he stopped. He felt wrong standing there, listening to his whimpers but Chan almost sounded in pain, desperate.

Mn sighs again, taking a deep breath before willing himself to ignore the noises and wake Chan up. He's their manager and he's always there to help, would it be wrong to...help Chan?

It took a simple shake of his shoulder and the male woke up, gasping softly before he shot up and over to the other side of his bed as he pulled his blanket over him. "Hey, Chan, it's okay. Just me." "What-" Chan flushed and was suddenly aware of his soiled boxers and his painful hard on. "U-Um, W-What are you still doing here?" "Was making sure Jisung was okay but I ended up falling asleep on the couch. You...You sounded like you were having a nightmare, you okay?" Mn knew better but he didn't want to further embarrass the male. "Y-yeah, I'm fine."

Mn thought to just walk out and let Chan be but Chan sounded like he really needed this release. "Chan, outside of idol necessities, I help you and the boys whenever I can." He sat down on the edge of the bed, still leaving space between him and the other. "I know you weren't having a nightmare." "Mn-nim, I-I'm sorry, I-I know it's wrong-" "Hush, I was gonna offer to help you relax." "Y-you...r-really?" "Yeah. I'll go at your pace and whenever you say stop, I'll stop. No matter what."

Chan was desperate and honestly, he thought his manager was hot, like how is he a manager and not an idol or model?

He slides closer to Mn slowly. "Help me, sir, please." Mn nods, raising a hand to place it on the side of Chan's face and pull him closer, leaning in and placing his lips on Chan's plump ones. It was experimental, soft and gentle before Chan leaned forward more, the kiss becoming firmer as Chan's left hand reached out and gripped Mn's dress shirt.

Mn noticed Chan trying to get closer and moved his hand on Chan's face to his thigh, gripping it as he pulls it to have Chan straddle him, his other hand moving to the males other thigh as he draped his arms over Mn's shoulders. Mn slid his hands up Chan's thighs and held his hips, guiding him through a gentle rhythm over his lap and helping him grind down onto his lap.

"S-Sir, I-I need more, please. Please..." Chan said softly when he pulled back, panting over Mn's lips. "No need to beg, Channie, I'll give you more." He moved to put Chan on his back before settling between his legs, unbuttoning the rest of his shirt before taking off his tie and throwing it aside before going to remove his pants and shirt but Chan stopped him. "C-Can you keep this on for a little while?" Mn smiled. "Yeah." He answered before leaning down a capturing the males lips in a firm kiss again.

His right hand glides down his body, teasing his nipple before sliding further down, his touch leaving behind goosebumps with how light it is before the hand lightly strokes Chan through his boxers, causing him to moan into the kiss letting Mn slip his tongue past his lips, licking into his mouth and drawing more addictive noises from Chan, he wants to hear them out loud. Maybe another day, but he won't keep his hopes up.

His finger slips past Chan's waist band, tugging at it before pulling away from Chan to sit back. "Be quiet now." Chan nods with a whine as Mn lifts his hips up to pull his boxers down and off to toss them away, his following shortly after. "Please, I-I want to feel full, sir, please, it hurts." Chan pleads quietly as he reaches out for Mn. "Chan, I'm gonna have to stretch you first." "No, please, it hurts." Chan's dick was heavily leaking precum, the tip angry as it twitched on his stomach.

"Channie wants to cum?" "Yes, please, Sir. Hurts so much, I wanna cum." "But it'll hurt more it if I don't, baby. Just a little?" Chan whines, throwing his head back as he squirms under Mn. "Channie, be good will you? The faster I stretch you, the faster I can fuck you." The moan Chan was quick to muffle outdid any porn moan, the rest of it muffled into the back of his hand. "Like that, huh? Wanna be a good boy?" Chan nods with teary eyes as Mn's hand moved to Chan's mouth, replacing Chan's palm with his fingers.

"You're such a good boy, Channie. Always looking out for the boys and being the best leader ever, I'm honestly so proud of you, Channie, so proud." Chan keens at the praise, hips bucking up to find friction. "Settle, baby." Mn uses his left hand to hold Chan's hips down as he pulls his fingers from his mouth. His hand moves to Chan's hole, teasing it with his middle finger before pressing gently, soon enough being able to push his other finger in, scissoring Chan's hole gently while kissing along his neck.

"S-Sir, please..." Chan whispered desperately, hands gripping Mn's bicep and the pillow below his head. "Okay, Okay." He slowly pulled his fingers out, moving to stroke himself a little to use his own precum and remaining saliva over his cock before pressing his tip against his hole. "S-sir, k-kiss..." "hm, loud one, aren't you?" Mn teased before leaning down and kissing Chan deeply as he pushed into Chan. Immediately pulling a long moan out of Chan which Mn swallowed greedily, although he'd like to hear Chan's noises, he still accepted the muffled noises as he groans roughly into Chan's mouth in return at the male's tightness. Pulling back slightly, Chan's moans escape and Mn shushes him. "Channie, baby, need you to relax. You're a bit too tight to keep going, precious."

He leans his head back with a soft mewl as he tries to relax. The gentle stretch was intoxicating and he wanted more, breathing slowly and focusing on Mn kissing down his neck again and Mn gently squeezing and massaging his hips and waist. "That's it, Channie, thats it. You feel so good, so warm." Eventually, Mn was fully inside Chan, letting him adjust and coaxing him to slow his breathing. "Chan, slow down, I'm here, it's okay." Mn hovers over Chan, his left hand next to Chan's head as the other gently brushed through his hair, moving sweaty strands from his forehead before his hand rests on the side of Chan's face and his thumb rubs over his cheek.

"M-Move, Please, M-more..." Mn gently pulls back until just the tip is in Chan before thrusting back in, starting a slow pace. Mn grips Chan's thigh, squeezing it before moving it up to Chan's chest and doing the same to the other. The new angle let Mn fuck deeper into Chan as he leaned down to silence Chan with a firm kiss.

Mn pulled back and looked down to where he's connected to Chan, a breathy moan falling from his lip when Chan squeezes around him. He slows down, stopping when he's fully buried in Chan. "Fuck, you feel so good, Channie. So fucking good." "Please move again, please." Mn did so, leaning back down to kiss Chan again before he thrusted into Chan quickly, hitting his prostate constantly and pushing Chan further to the edge.

"S-sir, g-gonna...hng~ Please don't stop, g-gonna c-cum." "I won't stop, baby, don't worry." Mn reaches down and strokes Chan at the same pace as his thrusts. "Mn, c-cumming, ah!" A silent moan and Chan cums on Mn's hand and his own stomach. "Good boy, there you go~" Mn went to pull out when Chan gripped the collar of his shirt to pull him down. "Y-You have to cum. K-Keep going." "Chan-" "Please, I-I wanna feel full." "Want me to cum inside, huh? Wanna feel my cum fill your hole?" "Y-Yes, please." Mn began fucking into Chan again, overstimulating him but Chan loved the feeling, kissing Mn and clenching around him, wanting to push Mn over the edge. "Fuck, keep squeezing around me like that and I'll cum." "That's what I want, sir."

With another squeeze and a deep thrust, Mn fills Chan, coating his walls with small thrusts as he leans back, watching his cock sink impossibly further into Chan before he slowly pulls out, pumping himself a few time causing a few spurts of cum to coat his ass as the majority of his cum drips out of Chan's hole. He uses his thumb to scoop some cum up before inserting it into the tight ring, Chan jolting at the feeling and releasing a soft moan.

Mn snaps out of his daze and looks up to Chan's reddened face. "Will you let me go get a cleaning rag?" Mn asked, gesturing to Chan's legs wrapped around his waist. "No..." He said quietly before letting him go.

Mn stood, removing his shirt and blindly searching for his boxers before tiptoeing out of the room to the bathroom to get a warm rag. He cleans himself before heading back to the room only to be met with Hyunjin. "Mn-nim? Why are you still here?" He mutters sleepily, rubbing some sleep out of his eyes. "Um, was making sure Jisung was okay and I dozed off on the couch." "Why are you only in boxers?" "I-I only sleep with boxers?" "Whatever, I'm too tired and just need to pee." Hyunjin walked past him and into the bathroom as Mn exhales and walks back to Chan's room.

He crawled back into Chan's bed, gently cleaning him up before grabbing his boxers and sliding them back onto him. He covers him up, straightening the blanket out at the same time before leaning down and kissing his forehead before moving to collect his own clothes and go home before Chan grabbed his wrist. "Please stay, sir." Mn contemplates for a moment before sliding next to Chan under his blankets. Chan clung to Mn, burying his face into his neck and wrapping his arms around Mn's waist as Mn wrapped an arm around Chan's shoulders and waist.

A few minutes later, Chan's door opens and Mn turns his head to see who it was, Chan passed out already. "Mn-nim, if theres a next time, try a little harder to be quiet." Hyunjin whispers into the darkness before retreating and closing the door. Mn sighs with a smile before turning his head back to lay on the pillow, following Chan into the world of slumber shortly after.

Comments and feedback are appreciated, I hope you like this little blurb I thought of.

#stray kids #bang chan #hyunjin #han jisung #stray kids x male reader #Stray kids x manager reader #male reader #bang chan x male reader #sub skz #sub!bang chan #sub!idol

[surfinminho]

》 things that turn skz on

warnings: bladder control(no actual piss), graphoerotica, free use, a little bit of 24/7 dynamic, gun play, knife play, blood play, feminization, taking turns, double penetration, anal, phallic gags, asphyxiation, sex while unconscious(consensual), bulge kinks

male reader/gender neutral reader at some points

-chan

Sometimes chan feels like he can give people more, yk? Maybe he let's people use him as they please. Tie him to a chair and put a cock ring on his shaft and fuck him in his ass and mouth and not let him cum or you and multiple members can take turns milking him of all he's got. Both options sound just fine to him, he's giving more to them!

-minho

Why do you have a gun? Who knows, but since minho found out he's been fantasizing about you fucking him with it pressed against his head. Maybe it's loaded maybe it's not. Tell him if he makes a sound you won't hesitate to blow his brains out. does that shut him up? Maybe. Let's also say he thought about you actually using the gun to fuck him.

-changbin

Dressing up changbin in such frilly, pink outfits really arouses you. I mean he's such a buff guy with thick thighs. Putting him in a skirt with thigh highs and some makeup can set both you and him off. But when you guys started including a knife into the bedroom you honestly never stopped. You'd cut off the clothes off him with the knife. Ofcourse you'd never cut him right? Wrong. One time you accidentally cut his thigh while trying to cut the stockings he had. You tried to profusely apologize but before you even could he let's out the loudest moan you ever heard from him. Ever since you would cut him only if he deserved it though! Maybe he jerked off without permission and you cut so close to his cock it might've mad him cum.

-hyunjin

Thoughts of free use can really get this man going. When you come home stressed or too energetic and you need a release, hyunjin is right there to serve you :D. Maybe him eating you out for hours or you fucking his face, and when your done you simply leave the room. It's not your business if he doesn't release right? Out of sex too, maybe a 24/7 dynamic. he's only made to serve you. You make all the decisions and he just follows around like a brain dead puppy.

-jisung

Hear me out, teasing him in bed or maybe in the middle of you guys having sex he says he has to pee. Press down on his stomach but oh if he wets himself, he can't cum. Eventually you let him go though, but wheres the fun in letting him off so easily? Obviously he doesn't want to wet himself. But the thrill of it all makes him want too. He's begging for you to let him go, tears brimming his eyes.Maybe right when he's about to cum you let him go.

-felix

Felix knows he's small. He's roughly 5'7 but he has a small waist. Maybe use a dildo that's big- like bigger than you big. And you fuck him with it. The imprint on his stomach can make him bust immediately. But what if you stretch him out? You know you and the dildo at once? Can he take it? Probably. He's a whore for cock ofcourse. Maybe use a phallic gag on him to make him feel full in all holes.

-seungmin

The thrill of his partner choking him already makes him feel dizzy. But choking him until he passes is just :)). When he first brung up choking to you, initially you were scared of hurting him. But when you saw how good it made  him feel you guys kept doing it. Maybe putting him into a headlock once in a while too. But when he asked if you guys can look into choking him unconscious you were immediately down. Fucking him unconscious? Hell yea.

When it happened for the first time, you might've had the best orgasm of your life. And if it was vice versa? Seungmin would love to ride you while you're unconscious.

-jeongin

Having his partner write all over him and make him read it out to himself (if he can see it). Writing "clit" above his cock or "cumdump" on his face while jerking him off or fucking him will make him black out 100%. After maybe take a picture and send it to another member, humiliating him for his elders to see. or maybe make him walk around with it under his clothes and Oops! it shows by accident

#stray kids #surfinminho #skz x reader #skz x you #stray kids smut #sub skz #sub!leeknow #sub han jisung #sub!jeongin #sub!seungmin #sub!bang chan #sub!hyunjin #sub!changbin #sub!felix

[jilixthinker]

what's your opinion on channie and minho. bratty or whiny 👀

Hi anon! 🫶🪐

what a delicious question!

channie is the best sub!boy, 100%. he will do anything you ask him because his first goal in life is to please you ♡ want him tied up? yes ma'm. overstim? yes ma'm. orgasm denial? yes ma'm. he is prone to do e v e r y t h i n g for his pretty baby. i cannot see him being bratty under any circumstance, but i can totally see him becoming a little whiny at the end of a long session. the poor boy is trying sososo hard not to cry or disappoint you, but maybe you've been edging him for hours and he cannot stop from sobbing pretty words and moaning "mama mama mommy pleasepleaseplease mommy". and, of course, you please him right away because he is just so good to you everytime!! you cannot deny him anything.

minho, on the other hand??? 101% BRAT. he will tease you and answer back every single time. he will not take a punishment without grunting and cursing, he will start arguments just because he is bored and you can swear to god he is the most annoying and restless thing on earth. it's not clear if he does it just for fun or if he enjoys the after treatment, but be ready to stuff his mouth full with something - a shirt, a sheet, his own underwear- because he won't shut the fuck up for one second. he becomes pliant just after you spanked him so much that he cums untouched on the mattress, face all flushed and drool over his chin. he secretly has a praise kink but he will never admit it. you just know because the only way to stop his trantrum is to remember him that you want him to be your pretty toy, your good boy to play with.

hope i answered ❤️‍🩹

#nari:ask #nari anon #skz smut #skz imagine #sub!lee know #sub!bang chan #bang chan smut #lee know smut

[luvseeker]

Sub bang chan>>>>> I feel like that’s an unpopular opinion because I rarely see people talk about it but I want to tie his hands down and ride him so bad😵‍💫moving at an almost painfully slow pace, teasing him until he can’t handle it and is begging for more. Telling him how beautiful he looks under me, how beautiful he sounds begging for me to speed up. And once I finally do speed up just watching him fall apart, leaning down and showering his pretty face with kisses telling him how he’s such a good boy for me

#bangchan smut #hard thoughts with 🥀 #chan smut #kpop smut #stray kids smut #sub!chan #sub!skz #sub!stray kids #skz hard thoughts #skz hard hours #sub!bang chan

[fairyofjaeyun]

oral fixation + degrading ㋡

[1:31] now playing: heartbeat - isabel larosa

[a/n] another 10/10 skz reaction ! I swear stays request the best yet most freakiest shit and I love it

requested 💟

⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙ ⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙

—chan ✩

“there you go, bitch,” you murmur while grinding your hips against his tongue, holding down his wrists so he wouldn’t touch you. you let yourself moan when you feel the tip of his nose briefly rub your clit, making him moan against you. he eats you out with long strokes of his tongue as you start gripping his hair and squeezing your thighs on his face, which makes his hips buck into the cold air. you lean back and move your hands to hold down his hips, “nuh-uh, that pathetic dick of yours isn’t getting anything until I cum. I don’t care how long it takes.”

⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙ ⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙

—minho ✩

“come on, get it nice and wet for me,” you said to minho, forcefully grabbing his head and bringing it towards your strap. Minho’s mouth opens for you almost instinctively, letting his head relax so you could move it around as if he was your little rag doll. you don’t shy away from being rough, making him take all of your length immediately, holding him as gags. “that’s it, bitch. you always take me so well.” the mix of degradation and praise makes his head fuzzy and eyes water. he wraps his lips around you, only loosening his jaw to gag and cough when reflex kicked in. you laugh, your hips now fucking his face, “I love making my pretty bitch cry.” he whines and groans loudly before his body suddenly curves and jerks forward, an embarrassing amount of cum now seeping through his boxer shorts.

⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙ ⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙

—changbin ✩

the view was perfect. you were sat against the headboard, looking down at changbin between your legs. his face deep in your pussy, leaving his fluffy hair out to grab whenever his tongue deliciously rubbed against your clit. his sculpted muscles along his back and shoulder contorting whenever you pulled his hair or squished your thighs against his face. “fuck, changbin, you’re so good,” you moan, “it’s like you were only made for eating pussy—just a pathetic slave for mommy.” changbin whines and grinds down on the mattress, using more force with his tongue. “oh, you like that?” you laugh through your moans, hissing when briefly sucks your clit. “of course you do, slave.”

⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙ ⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙

—hyunjin ✩

“look how filthy you are,” you spat, shoving the camera in hyunjin’s face as he sucked your strap. he moans against the toy, more drool dripping down the corners of his mouth. the harsh words towards him only made his eyelids heavier and his cock twitch more, encouraging him to bob his head faster. “you like it, don’t you? you like sucking mommy’s cock while you get treated like a whore.” his answer is a muffled hum against your strap and a weak nod, which looked absolutely gorgeous on camera.

⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙ ⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙

—jisung ✩

his stroke were becoming sloppy. his focus turning towards your swollen nipple in his mouth, occasionally being distracted by your walls clenching around him, causing him to whine and push himself deeper inside you. “I knew you were too useless to top,” you said cruelly, your tone making him twitch inside you. “too bad you have such a nice cock and you don’t know how to use it.” jisung whines into your chest, starting to pitifully roll his hips. “uh-uh, don’t try now. I think you’re better off letting me do all the work.” you pulled him up by his hair, his mouth unlatching from your breast with some resistance, and you could now see all the spit that drenched his chin. “how pathetic.”

⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙ ⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙

—felix ✩

felix loves the way you torture him. he loves when you deprive him of full satisfaction, just giving him enough to turn into mush in your hands. he already has his mouth open and tongue out once he felt your teasing finger on his chin, looking at you with pleading eyes. his lips wrap around then delicately at first, letting you push towards the back of his tongue before sucking harshly at them. he instinctively closes his eyes and moans, running his tongue against you. “look at you, getting hard just from sucking my fingers like a worthless whore,” you say rather calmly, your other hand grazing his cheek. felix whimpers in an octave far from his everyday voice, sucking even harder and bucking his hips towards you.

⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙ ⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙

—seungmin ✩

he was lost in his own little world. his eyes shut closed and his face nuzzled into your chest as he sucked on your nipple. his other hand lazily groped and squeezed the other one. “such a horny puppy,” you chuckle, almost cooing when you see his eyes flutter over his droopy lids and a small moan is muffled by your breast. “is my bad dog in heat?” seungmin’s brain is too fuzzy to even answer you, too focused on the feeling of your nipple in his mouth. you laugh again, brushing your fingers through his soft hair, “my dumb puppy.”

⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙ ⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙

—jeongin ✩

tears have already brimmed along his waterline as he tried to take all of your length. between the corners of his lips burning and his prostate being stimulated from the dildo he was sitting on, he couldn’t help but sob. “look at you. you get some dick up your ass and now you can’t even think straight,” you laughed at him and push his head down further on your strap, making him gag and whine. he softly puts his hands on your knees for support and looks up at you, silently asking for permission. you answer with a surprisingly soft touch to his cheek. “keep going, slut. you’re not stopping until I’m satisfied.”

⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙ ⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙

@donghoonie-3 @femdomlieeh @sugar-petals @k-femdove @bookobsessedfreak @hello-stranger24 @lynanist @sobiood @yahaballa @imagine-this-motherfucker @enhypensunoostan

#requests «💟» #sub!stray kids #sub!skz #sub!chan #sub!bang chan #sub!lee know #sub!minho #sub!changbin #sub!hyunjin #sub!jisung #sub!han #sub!felix #sub!seungmin #sub!jeongin #sub!i.n. #sub!idol #sub!kpop #dom!reader #dom!fem!reader #skz reaction #skz hard hours #skz smut

[ipegchangbin]

lol z look at what chan sent on bubble!!! just can’t stop thinking about shy nerdy channie :( i wanna edge him sooooo bad :((

♡ … part 2

you know what? im bored and im gonna write smth

🏷️ sub!nerd!chan, dom!gn!reader, edging, phone sex

all he wanted was to call up his crush. he can’t stop shying away from himself, clutching his phone desperately.

it’s on speaker now, your voice — the stunning one he shyly requested over text — commanding his every move, demanding to hold off from satisfying his cock.

“sounds so wet, is your cock all leaky?” you ask, smirk evident even through the phone. and you’re right, his cock is leaking precum all over himself.

chan only humps his hand faster at your teasing. “i-i’m really w-wet,” he moans.

it’s so wet and hard that it’s sinful to listen to. you would’ve mistaken his cock for a cunt from how wet it sounded. the slick of his cock rubbing against his hand was so loud that you could almost taste it. you can only imagine the glistening picture of his dick with the brightest smile in your face.

but why keep imagining when you can ask to see it?

“turn on your video, chan.”

chan almost hesitated; he stops and stares at his phone with wide eyes, blinking twice before your voice speaks up again.

“i said, turn on your video. i want to see you.”

intimidated, chan angles his phone upwards and presses the video call button, exposing his whole body to you through the screen.

even with all the pixels, you see him in all his glory: he’s wearing thick rimmed glasses, hair tussled in its naturally curly state, cheeks and big nose both flushed with color that you’ve only ever seen in person when you smile at him.

your camera isn’t on, and chan pouts but doesn’t complain. he’s too shy to. or, he’s too scared to ruin your teasing.

“what a good boy,” you coo, “and may i see your pretty cock?”

chan shyly pulls his phone closer, but you can’t see all of it.

“no, channie. can’t see how good you’re fucking it.”

even at this point, he hasn’t stopped pumping his dick. so when he finally shows you himself, it’s all red and hard and painful. pitiful. chan tries to hide his face by looking at the side, but your laugh brings him back to you.

“look at you! why are you getting shy now? you’re showing me your pretty little dick!”

“b-because…y-you…nevermind…”

you laugh again and his cock twitches terribly bad in his hand. it’s pulsing harshly, the veins along his curve popping like there’s no tomorrow. his balls are extra defined at this state, almost as if he’s about to cum.

“oh, does my channie want to cum?”

chan whines loudly, shame leaving him as he reaches his climax. “i-i n-need to…cum—”

“no, no. won’t let you cum till you speak straight.”

chan gulps and a lump forms in his throat. if he cries, he’s doomed — he stutters more when he’s about to cry. but fuck, you’ve been demanding him over the phone and telling him what to do for what seems like an eternity, and he hasn’t shot up once.

“i-i—ah—i’m—fuck—i need…”

“no. won’t do.”

“i wanna—hah—”

your voice firms itself and you reprimand him. “doing so bad. how can you cum like this, huh? thought you wanted to cum so bad, why can’t you follow something so simple?”

chan blinks and tears fall behind his glasses. he whimpers like a hurt pet, but his hand squeezes around his cock.

“chan, repeat after me,” you command. “channie…”

“channie…”

you can’t help but smile to yourself at how cutely he manages to obey your demands.

“needs to…”

“n-needs—needs to…”

he corrects himself when he stutters. he opts for more squeezing on his cock, holding off from cumming. he can’t finish and you’re going to be strict about it.

“…cum. channie needs to cum.”

“…c-cum—cum. channie needs to cum!”

you hum, feigning uncertainty. chan completely stops playing with his cock in anticipation, and it makes you happy to see his girth twitching with need. his tip looks so frustrated that it could blow. if only you were there to make it worse.

why not make it worse now?

“i’m not sure i’m satisfied with that,” you say matter-of-factly, “keep talking till i’m good with it.”

chan’s face almost turns pale white. his hand finds the tip of his cock and palms it, blocking him from cumming despite the sensitivity. his glasses are foggy from the heavy breathing and whining, tear stains escaping the thick rims and falling down his cheeks.

“channie needs to cum,” he repeats like a mantra. except, he stumbles on every single syllable, growing more and more desperate and weak as he keeps speaking. he doesn’t stop at all though, determined to finish and satisfy you.

except, his cock is about to cry along with him, since this goes on for what seems to be thirty more minutes.

“oh, is channie tired?”

he whimpers so loud that it could be mistaken for a howl. “please, y/n! b-been w-wanting you so, so, so bad! i-i can’t help myself! i want to cum!”

“you do?”

“please!” the desperation washes all over chan as his heart burns, stomach clenches, and cock twitches.

“go faster,” you demand, referring to the hand on his cock.

he goes from palming and squeezing it back to pumping along his full length, going as fast as he possibly can. he fists his cock once, twice, thrice, four times, and he finally—

“stop.”

chan stops with a loud groan. he keeps groaning, pitch getting higher as he hesitates from screaming. chan almost cums, but his release is cut short by your demand, making him silently tear up. his phone is propped up on his side table now as he couldn’t stop shaking while holding it.

“please…’ve been…a good b-boy…so good…”

you laugh and command him to touch himself. go faster. then, as he approaches an orgasm, you tell him to stop again.

another thirty minutes passes by and chan is now so tired, glasses abandoned on a pillow, sweat drenching the sheets, ass up in the air as he’s hunched over his comforter from the pain and held-off pleasure.

“oh poor channie. look at your phone.”

he shoots his head up.

your face finally appears on video, smug smile written across your lips. you angle your camera slowly to reveal your naked body, one that chan had fantasized for the longest time, only to take away and laugh at the camera.

“hi, channie.”

the night’s only just begun, and he’s only halfway through.

#sub!skz #sub!stray kids #skz smut #sub!chan #sub!bang chan #💬 z is writimg #💌 ipeginbox #<3 chriscentric

[fluffylino]

Pillow Prince

Member: sub!chan x reader

Genre: very very very soft smut

Word count: +2k

Includes: insecurities, pillow rutting and just overall fuzziness (subspace? yes), mommy kink

Summary: chan is tired and misses you so much it hurts. he thought he could wait another few weeks till the world tour ends before he could finally meet you again. but things happen and he finds himself needing you stronger than ever.

Inspiration: skz talker go [season 3 episode 6]. Chan just looks so soft with his curly hair and pretty pink lips.

Enjoy~

Chan being so busy with his schedules that he can't possibly even spare a second for you. He knows that you support him and give him the space he needs to work. But it doesn't stop him from feeling guilty.

Even your countless attempts to prove that you're fine and will always confront him if you feel even an ounce of loneliness.

He misses you so much nowadays yet before he can even call you, the stylists are calling him. To either do up his makeup or change into his stage outfit or check the members in ears.

🌸

Chan's bearly holding on.

No matter how much he tries to focus on the screen of his laptop, his brain just won't work.

His fingers dig into the keyboard set up in front of him as he blinks harshly forcing himself to come back to his senses.

Today was just like any ordinary post concert day. He's finished eating dinner. Done his exercise. Even did a little boxing with the group's temporary personal trainer. The food isn't as fulfilling as a nice bowl of kimchi jiggae but he's eaten enough of steak and subway for today because his stomach is content.

Then why was he feeling so pathetic?

He gives up finally, ignoring the tears of frustration blurring his vision. Crawling under the thick covers, he stares at his reflection in the mirror facing the bed.

All sorts of thoughts flow through his mind. How exhausted he looked. His hair was all over the place. His almost non existent eyebrows.

How stupid he was to think he could survive without you. As dramatic as it sounds, he really needed you here beside him.

The pillow he held between his legs seemed so comforting in his fuzzy mind. Unconciously he rolled his hips against the plush object, a gasp leaving him.

How pathetic was he?

'Pull yourself together you idiot' or 'what would the members think if they saw their leader teary eyed and so vulnerable' or how you would laugh at him. Not in a mean way. Never in a mean way.

More to ease him and let him slip into that headspace only the two of you knew about. A headspace where he can be himself and cry out your name as you take care of him.

Then it hits him like a truck. You always take such good care of him. Praise him. Help him with his insomnia by giving up your hours of sleep.

Is he using you? His heart says no but his brain says yes.

Just as he begins to cry harder, his phone rings.

Its an instinct of his.

He jumps up, wiping his tears with the back of his hand and clears his throat before picking it up to see who it is.

Its you. You're calling him.

His heart beats so fast and he feels so spacey.

"Hello....channie?" his eyes widen a little when he realises that you can see his puffy eyes and swollen lips.

"M-Miss you" is all he can say before he's crying again.

There's nothing you can do physically. You want to hold him. But you can't. He's so far away it hurts. Only a couple of weeks more and then he's all yours.

"Lay down for me, love" you urge, watching how he complies without a second thought.

"pillow" he mumbles, turning the camera to show you your pillow. The same pillow you forced him to take because you knew how much he loved your scent.

"Yeah baby? Want to rut against it for me" its almost a command and you chuckle at the redness of his cheeks.

"Keep your phone down, darling. Let me see you properly"

Chan keeps it on the bedside table, giving you a full view of him on the bed through the full length mirror.

"M-Mommy can I?" he mumbles, words muffled as he hides his face in his arm.

"Not until you look at me, pup" he whines loudly yet complies nevertheless.

"Thats my good boy. Now go ahead" you say, ignoring the heat pooling at the pit of your stomach.

His mouth dropped open, as he panted heavily, hips never slowing down. Tears rolled down his cheeks, falling onto the sheets. Utterly debauched.

"Want you m-mommy" is what he cries out, so much pain in his voice.

"Puppy look at me. Doing so good my darling"

Within minutes, he lands face down on the bed, a pathetic high pitched groan filling up the silence.

Your heart aches because you want to hold him close.

No.

You need to shower your baby with love and tell him just how much he matters to you.

"Im sorry for-" he whispers, eyes still cloudy as he picks up the phone.

"Nonsense. No apologizing." You say and its a firm statement.

"Did you eat, love?" He nods tiredly, eyes fluttering.

"Baby do something for me, yeah? Go get some tissues and clean yourself up"

"I will...just want to look at you right now" chan mumbles. He looks peaceful.

"Go ahead, darling. Look at me as much as you want"

#stray kids smut #skz smut #stray kids imagines #skz imagines #bang chan imagines #bang chan smut #bang chan hard thoughts #stray kids drabbles #sub!stray kids #sub!skz #sub!bang chan #stray kids headcanons #skz drabbles #bang chan #stray kids bang chan #stray kids #bang chan headcanons

[joonlaksme]

October 10th

Bang Chan x Pegging

Contains: afab reader, reader is a bit cocky, a little degrading, fingering (f and m receiving)

Word Count: 2.4k+

Kinktober Masterlist

-

“You know the drill…” And then you snort at your joke, “Heh, drill. I crack myself up sometimes.”

Chris turns from the box in your closet to raise his eyebrows at your inappropriate comment. Was that really what you were thinking about right now? To be honest, how much worse could it get? He’s known you long enough to be aware that this is just how you are sometimes. You do nothing but stare back at him, a subtle smile on your face. You seem to be satisfied with the joke you’ve made and the totally ruined mood. He opens his mouth to say something.

“I…Okay.” Although, Chris is tempted to end this relationship, whatever this is. He shuts his mouth because he’s feeling particularly horny today and no one really moved their hips like you did. Trust him, he knows. He fears he might change your mind if he says something snarky in return.

Maybe it’s a mixture of the close relationship the two of you have had since you met in college and how he’s never been able to suppress the huge crush he’s had on you. Sure, he remembers meeting you and getting to know you but it was nothing like love at first sight, given how good looking you are. He’s not sure when it started but something about you pulled him in. He’s not sure how your friendship developed into this.

This has been going on for longer than he expected it to.

He would just have to give you a certain look and your conversation would drift away. Your lips would shut and your fingers would walk up his bicep. The day would always end with his back arching and a moan so ear ringing, you’d laugh. You’d follow with something along the lines of calling him “such a baby” or calling him cute. It didn’t help how big headed you were, mocking him. You were aware of how your looks and your hips affected him. Maybe he was into the way you treated him during sex.

You rest your body on your bed and lay your head down on the plush of your pillow. Patting your lap with your free hand, you place the other behind your head. Your eyes light up when he meets them because he knows what’s going to happen. You’re relaxing…which can only mean one thing.

Chris shifts his boxers to the side so he can be more comfortable in the tightness of them. When you lay on your back or when you sit up on your headboard, it’s an invitation to take a ride. You know that he loves riding your strap, no matter how much his legs scream in exhaustion. He thinks of it as something akin to leg day at the gym. However no matter how much he favors it, you don’t let him do it as often as he likes to. One of the reasons to consider is that when he rides, he rides hard. The back of the dildo you use always ends up hitting your clit and by the end of the day, it’s way too sensitive and there’s strained marks on your thighs. He bounces so hard that it’s inevitable. Baby just gets too excited. You never came from him riding you but you’ve been close numerous times. It’s like he purposefully wants to tease you.

Why does Chris like riding you so much? Well, he can’t help but get submerged in the ocean that is your moans. They’re so pretty coming from your lips. You’re constantly on edge and it fills him with some sense of control. Not the control of being a dom but control of his feelings and your pleasure.

“I know I’m gorgeous but why look when you can ride, hm?” You usher impatiently. It’s not quite demanding but a chill tune up his spine with your tongue licks across your lips like you’re ready to eat him up.

Chris had been in a daze for a moment, thinking of the many ways this could go.

When he finally attaches the strap-on to you (you raised your hips to help but didn’t bother standing up), he’s eager to get on top of you already.

“Ah ah ah.” You stop him.

You hand lands under his thigh to keep him up as he gets on you, wanting to lower himself while looking at your face. He’s close to you, desperately wanting a kiss but holding himself back at your command.

“Don’t want you to get hurt. Turn around and lemme see that ass.”

Your words are a bit too vulgar for him and he’s close to laughing but instead, he gets the message. He lets out a disappointed huff. Gets up and pulls off the garment that’s been restricting him ever since he got in your bedroom. When he climbs back on, he’s on all fours on your lap, ass facing you. He’s looking back at you to see any signs of your approval. You’re left speechless for a bit, watching the way his hole puckers desperately, just waiting for your thrust.

You reach out with the free hand and use your thumb to press in before spreading his hole open. He lets out a breath he’s been holding as if he’s been waiting for some type of touch from you for eons.

“Can I ride you now? Please?” He wiggles his ass at you and your grip slips away.

You land a slap on the plump flesh, and he moves away from the sting with a little moan. It makes a nice sound; the ache lingers just the way he likes it and he might want you to do it again.

“You’re so cute when you beg me like that.” You mumble. You caress the red mark you made on his ass with your thumb.

It isn’t great for his heart, suddenly calling him cute like that.

“Come and sit on this cock. ‘s all yours, baby.” Your words are a bit slurred at this point, getting more and more closer to lust-drunk. You love watching him like this, he knows.

He takes a deep breath and pushes himself closer to the dildo, the toy resting right between his cheeks. He raises himself after a moment and presses his hole to the tip but doesn’t quite sit down. Just the feeling has his mind drifting off into the clouds. He’s anticipating the feeling of it filling him up and he thinks he might cum as soon as it hits his prostate. That doesn’t stop you from pulling him down by his hips and entering him in one fell swoop. The shock is great and it gets him more than it would if he inserted it himself. The way his back arches is visually delectable and you can’t help the moan that pierces from your throat, the same time as Chris.

He has to take a deep breath now and stay still. He doesn’t think he’ll last long.

“Start moving. We don’t have all day, Channie.” The way your hips try to grind up to his, causes shocks of pleasure to wave through his body. He couldn’t possibly even think about moving right now. He’s too sensitive and he might cum before the fun even starts, thinking about how embarrassing that would be. “I’m sorry, did I stutter?”

You get kind of mean the more you get into it and it’s only a matter of time before you’ll start calling him names.

He rocks his body but it doesn’t help the way he feels it in his stomach. The dildo really fills him up perfectly. He presses his abs, feeling so full.

“That’s a good slut. C’mon.” You encourage him, not moving anymore but just observing the way his ass slides on your strap. It enters slowly and once to the very bottom, he lets out a grunt and lifts himself up again.

His hands land on your knees to hold himself so he can ride you properly.

“I m-might cum.” He slows his movements even more, stiffening as his thoughts drift off to something else so he can hold himself back. “Fuck…”

You slap his other cheek this time, taking him out of his thoughts and back to earth. When he looks back at you, it’s such a lovely sight that he has to hold his cock.

“I didn’t say you could stop. I had high expectations from you.” You sound a bit disappointed.

Chris trembles. He knows you’re just messing with his head but that doesn’t stop the need to want to make you proud of him. All he has to do is move a little faster. So, he starts quickening his pace. His glances back at you give him just as much pleasure as the strap because he can see the way your mouth is ajar, caught in a trance from looking at his ass. When you do look away, you reach for the lube in the bedroom drawer beside you. Then Chris is surprised when you push him off your strap, an amount of strength he didn’t know you had.

You suck your teeth when you see his pout.

“You’re such a baby. I’m just getting it wet for you. Do you really like my cock that much?” And then you scoff with that snarky smirk of yours and a similar attitude to pair.

You pop open the bottle in your hands. Lube coats your fingers and you jerk off the dildo to cover it. Then you wipe your fingers on his hole. Your finger slips in with barely any resistance and then you hook it, hitting the exact spot he’s been abusing this whole time while riding you. You can’t help the smile on your face as you thrust your finger. He rocks his hips to it but it’s not enough and he doesn’t wanna cum to this.

“Wait!” He says out loud, grasping his dick again.

“Is there a problem?” You feign ignorance but stop like he says and pull your finger out.

Chris takes this as an invitation to sit back on you. This time, it’s more slippery and wet. It’s easier for him to set a faster pace than he had before and he wants to cum so badly but his refractory period is terrible. If he came now, that would be the end of today.

“Y/N…?” It’s a mixture of a moan and a way to get your attention.

“Y-yes, Chan?” You stutter and it fills him with glee. You rarely stutter unless you’re really turned on. This is what gives him the confidence to ask his next question.

“Can I finger you while I sit on your strap?”

Then your hand lands on his hip, stopping his movements. “Shit, what’s gotten into you.” And he looks back to see your face again. Your expression is scrunched up but not in disgust. It’s more like you’re so overwhelmed with pleasure. “Just wanna feel how wet I am, or somethin’?”

Chris won’t deny that’s one of the many reasons but he tells you his main reason. “I just…really want you to cum on my fingers.”

You thrust up, catching him off guard. His yelp as he catches himself on your knee satisfies you. “Oh yeah? Go ahead and push my panties to the side.”

He sits up and does as you say. At his angle, he doesn’t have a great sight of your pussy but he knows exactly where to go. A finger slides between your folds before breaching your hole and when you shift your hips up to take more of his fingers, your cock grinds on the spot he needs you the most.

The noises that follow are far from holy. He gets another finger in you, crooking them to find that rough patch. He knows he’s found your spot when you’re moving your hips up and down.

“I can’t-“ His moans cut him off from saying what he wants to say. He gets louder as he gets closer and closer to his climax.

You’re too distracted to come up with anything snarky so instead you reach over and take his cock in your hand. It comes to life in your grip and Chris has to stop his movements so his brain can zero in on the pleasure you’re giving him. His eyes shut immediately. Your hips keep moving for him, all the way inside of him before shallowly pushing your body into the mattress and repeating that motion. It seems to be doing the trick because it’s only a matter of time before his eyes are glazing over and he’s cumming all over your fingers. You milk him for all he’s worth before his dick softens in your grip.

Just when you think everything’s done, it’s not. His fingers are still stuffed in you and now his goal is to make you cum, no matter what.

“Channie-“ You can’t help your voice.

He shifts his body so the dildo still rubs your clit but with this extra stimulation, there’s no way you’re lasting long.

You shake in your orgasm, fireworks bursting behind your eyelids when you clench them close. Waves of your climax shut on his fingers so tight that his dick hurts because he’s imagining it’s not his fingers but something else instead.

He slowly pulls out then lifts with his aching legs off of your strap. He flops on the side of you on your bed, out of breath and hips achy.

Your clean hand lands on his back, comforting circles rubbed with your thumb. He wants to fall asleep but your voice stops him from doing so. “We gotta clean up.”

You wipe your fingers off with nearby pocket tissues. You take Chris’ hand in yours and wipe them off as well.

“Thanks for that, again.” His voice is muffled in your pillow but you can make out his words. You aren’t sure if he’s talking about you wiping off his fingers or for giving him another good fuck.

You detach the harness from your legs and waist and place the things to the side. Your hand is in his hair soon after, playing with strains and losing knots with your fingers. He turns his head to look at you and his heart beats out of his chest. You’re leaning on your hand and softly smiling at him. It’s that type of smile that’s full of care.

Then he begins to think, maybe he does have a chance after all.

-

All likes, reblogs, and comment feedback are appreciated for stories like this. Friendly reminder that reblogs spread more than likes!

All rights are reserved © joonlaksme

#sub!skz #kinktober #skz kinktober #skz smut #sub!stray kids #sub!bang chan #kinktober 2023 #afab reader

[subskz]

ʚïɞ butterfly bandage - 05

note: this is the final part of a series (part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4)

content: bang chan/reader, university au, themes of twin flames, themes of soulmates, reader is female and referred to with she/her pronouns, angst, hurt/comfort, mentions of past unhealthy relationships, themes of death/grief, more crying (sorry), nsfw scenes

18+ content: sub chan, dom reader, soft smut, mirror sex, lots and lots of praise, body worship, biting, marking, possessiveness, teasing, channie is very embarrassed, handjob, begging, just a little bit of crying, edging, reader and chan are kinda obsessively in love, unprotected sex, riding, cockwarming

word count: 17.3k

A call of your name from across the lab caught your attention, just as you were preparing to collect your materials and head out for the day. Fumbling with your bag, you zipped it up as quickly as you could and headed towards your lab instructor, already bracing yourself for a conversation that, based on your track record with her, was very likely to be disheartening.

She lowered the stack of papers she’d been holding as you approached her, revealing her smile—a rare sight for anyone who worked under her.

“Yes?”

“Congratulations,” she announced. “Your paper’s approved.”

Your eyes widened as she handed the stack to you, over twenty pages of blood, sweat, and tears. They felt heavy in your hands, heavy with the weight of everything that had been sacrificed for their completion. Just a few days ago, the news would’ve had you over the moon. It was all you’d been wanting to hear, all you’d been dreaming of since you’d first begun your studies. Now, it was nothing more than a shallow comfort, a single drop of sunlight that was immediately obscured by the shadows all around it.

“Great,” you said at last, flashing a strained smile. “Thank you, Professor.”

She gave you a pat on the back, and you tried to find solace in the proud shine in her eyes. “You did well,” she praised. “I’m sure you’ll excel in your next rotation, too.”

“My next…rotation?”

Your instructor glanced down at her clipboard, adjusting her glasses with a hum. “Since your research has been approved, there’s no need for you to remain at your current station. You’ve spent quite a bit of time with those binary pairs,” she added. “You’ll be doing interferometric imaging for the next few weeks. We’re a few people short.”

Something twisted inside you. “Really?”

She looked up from her notes, quirking an eyebrow. “Is there a problem?”

“I…” you trailed off. There was nothing you could tell her that would be meaningful enough for her to let you stay—nothing that wouldn’t get you laughed at or even potentially dismissed from the lab for the rest of the semester. How on earth were you meant to explain that a pair of spectroscopic stars had come to mean so much to you? How on earth were you meant to explain what they signified in your mind?

“No, nothing,” you said weakly. “I’ll transfer my things tomorrow. Thank you.”

Your instructor nodded, and that was that. In the blink of an eye, you’d lost the final piece of what you’d had left of Chan.

You adjusted the strap of your bag, bowing quickly to her and turning to leave. Your pace quickened as you exited the lab, a wave of inexplicable emotions rising within you. It ushered you to head home as soon as possible, like it was a race against time, like you had to reach shelter before it crashed into the shore and drowned you in front of everyone.

A cold gust of air billowed past you as you pushed open the doors to the physics building. You squinted against it, burying your hands in your pockets. The sky was still covered with that same, gray sheet—much darker than it had been earlier in the week. The closer you studied it, the more it looked like the clouds might break at any given moment. All the more reason to rush home; you hadn’t brought an umbrella.

Your phone vibrated against your hand, and you fished it out of your pocket without thinking. Anything to distract you from this. 

bin 😑 (2:27 p.m.) hey

bin 😑 (2:28 p.m.) is everything okay?

Just as you were about to close the notification, another came.

bin 😑 (2:30 p.m.) did something happen with chan?

You stopped in your tracks. 

Did he really not know? Had Chan still not said anything to him?

Was Chan keeping it all to himself? Suffering in silence, even now?

You didn’t have to question it for long. Of course he was. 

Against your better judgment, you typed out a reply, fingers stiff from the cold and—for some reason—thumb burning.

you (2:33 p.m.) i’m fine bin don’t worry about me

you (2:34 p.m.) please just be there for chan

bin 😑 (2:36 p.m.) where have u been??? i was worried

Guilt, guilt, guilt. 

He wouldn’t be worried anymore when he found out the truth.

bin 😑 (2:38 p.m) pls talk to me

You wanted to talk to him. You so badly wanted to talk to him—not even about everything that had transpired over the past four days, just in general. You wanted to tease him, to laugh with him, to share a meal with him, to chatter about the most trivial, most mundane of topics with him because you could, because you enjoyed each other’s company and nothing else.

You missed your friend. But he was Chan’s friend first and foremost; Chan’s little brother. Losing Chan meant losing Changbin. The moment he’d find out what you’d done, how you’d hurt the person he admired most in this world, he would look at you with that same, dark glare that had unsettled you so much on the day you’d first met. Only this time, it wouldn’t be misleading, masking the kindness underneath. It would be real, intentional. He would mean every bit of it.

Minho’s glares were one thing. The thought of Changbin looking at you the same way was more than you could take. There was no place for you in his life anymore.

A droplet landed on your screen, splattering water across it and blurring the words of his message. You looked up at the sky. The clouds had broken.

You were going to cry.

It was for the best, probably. A pot could only withstand so much before it boiled over. And boil over, it did.

You pulled the hood of your jacket over your head just as the rain began to fall more steadily, sinking to the ground and settling on the curb of the sidewalk. You gave up on outrunning the wave. For once, uncaring of the people around you. For once, allowing yourself to be an inconvenience. 

Vaguely, you felt another buzz in your pocket; repeating, persistent. Changbin must have been calling you. Pressure rose in your chest. A strange sound built in your throat, an unpleasant, unfamiliar sensation pricked at your eyes. But before droplets of your own could well up in their corners, before you could release, the feeling of rain pattering relentlessly against your clothes came to a sudden halt. Something had passed over you, shielding you from it.

You didn’t bother to look up, praying that whoever it was whose presence you felt hovering above you, they’d take the hint and leave you alone. Just a moment to wallow in your misery. Just a moment to feel without worrying about anyone or anything else. Even now, that was too much to ask for, it seemed.

Through the roaring downpour, you barely caught it—soft, airy.

“It’s raining.”

Your blood ran cold, chilling you more than any of the water seeping through your clothing, right down to your bones.

Of course. You almost laughed out loud. Of fucking course.

This had to be some kind of joke, the universe’s cruel finale to everything it had put you through over the past three years.

“Go away.”

“Aren’t you gonna congratulate me for learning how to use an umbrella?”

You peered up through the mess of hair and fabric blocking your vision, fixing him with a look fiercer than any of the insults he’d ever hurled your way.

“Go away.”

His stare didn’t waver, face unchanging as always. It must’ve been so easy, to be so unaffected. It must’ve been so easy, to care so little. He blinked down at you, and despite the static swarming your mind, through it all, you couldn’t help but notice that there was nothing harsh about the look he was giving you. Not quite warm, not quite cold. It was far from the self-satisfied expression of someone who knew he had been right all along. Of someone who knew that he had won. 

“Come with me.”

You watched him blankly, too appalled to speak. 

When you didn’t budge, he tilted his wrist, leaning his umbrella forward so that it covered you completely and exposed part of himself to the rain.

“I’ll get sick if you don’t.”

“Yeah? Brew yourself some yuja tea.”

His lip twitched into the beginnings of a smirk. Not smug, not condescending. Just faintly amused.

“That was pretty funny.” He tilted the umbrella further. The rain began to land on his hair, darkening it, weighing it down. “But I’m really starting to get cold, now.”

“I don’t care.”

He clicked his tongue. Still, he made no move to leave, not even to pull his umbrella back over himself. You might’ve been swayed by whatever approach he was taking if you weren’t too preoccupied with figuring out just how the hell you could get rid of this guy.

“By the way,” he added casually. “Changbin gave me something. I think it belongs to you?”

You cursed yourself for perking up so quickly, so obviously. It was only for a split second, but he caught on—of course he did—eyes glinting like a cat that had spotted its target in all your loose threads.

“What do you want?”

“Let’s talk,” he said. “Come with me, and the pencil’s all yours.”

You gave in. For whatever reason, Lee Minho had suddenly decided that you were now worth his time.

He didn’t offer his hand to help you come to full standing, but he kept the umbrella steadily above you as you rose from the curb, allowing himself to get drenched in the process. It almost made you grimace more than his usual behavior, solely because it felt so wrong. And, maybe, because you felt like you didn’t deserve it. Not even from someone like him.

As he led you down the sidewalk towards wherever he planned to take you, you inched away from him, back into the rain. He made no effort to move closer again, but you did notice his eyes flicker your way once or twice.

You shuffled awkwardly behind him, focus kept firmly on the pavement, feet kicking up water with every step you took. It wasn’t until the warm, addictive scent of freshly-ground coffee flooded your senses that you lifted your head with a start, just in time to see Minho wiping the bottom of his shoes on the campus library mat. He shook out his umbrella and stepped inside, seemingly debating for a moment whether or not he should hold the door open for you.

An ache gripped your heart, somehow, stronger than anything you’d felt over the past four days. It ached and throbbed and pulsed when you processed where you were headed. The table right across from the entrance, at the very back of the library.

You half-expected to find him there—shrouded in black, hunched over his laptop, one set of fingers playing with his lips, the other set tapping along to the melody of his music. But his seat was empty. He wasn't there anymore.

You tried to control the sheer enormity of your anguish as you approached its source. You’d already humiliated yourself enough in front of the last person you’d ever have wanted to witness it. Even if he didn’t seem nearly as delighted with your downfall as you’d imagined, the fact that he’d caught you more vulnerable than anyone else had before, more than Chan ever had, made your skin positively crawl.

Minho sat down with a heavy sigh, ruffling his hair in a half-hearted attempt to dry it out. He slipped off his drenched jacket, giving it a disgusted look before dropping it on the table.

“Want some coffee?”

“No.”

“It’ll warm you up.”

You narrowed your eyes. If you’d had any semblance of rationality left in your system, you would’ve told yourself that it was just an offhand comment, that he couldn’t possibly have known just how devoid of warmth you truly were. But you were far past that point. Everything he said was a trap and everything he did was a taunt.

When he saw that you had no plans to respond, he shrugged. “Suit yourself.”

“Where’s my pencil?”

“Oh,” he sniffed. “I lied about that.”

You bristled. “What?”

“I don’t have it,” he clarified. “I lied so you’d come with me. Get it?”

You reached for your bag, preparing to leave.

“You can take it from Changbin yourself,” he continued. “Once this is all fixed.”

For once, the absolute certainty with which he spoke, like anything that came out of his mouth was a prophecy waiting to be fulfilled, wasn’t used to stir doubt within you. You froze in place. Whether it was a flash of hope, or a stubborn indignation that kept you rooted to your chair, you weren’t quite sure.

“Once this is fixed?” you echoed, rife with hostility. “This is exactly what you wanted, isn’t it? Chan hates me just as much as you do, now. You win.”

“I don’t hate you.”

You scoffed, expecting the lie—because it had to be a lie, a jeer, a vicious way to kick you while you were down—to be followed by that same scornful sneer that had become all too familiar for your liking. 

But it never came.

Your disbelief was only met with a sincere, unbreaking expression. No games, no underlying meaning. A complete contrast to everything you associated with Lee Minho.

“Are you serious?”

“You don’t believe me?” he feigned hurt, which you had half a mind to be infuriated about considering the many, many worse things he’d assumed about you. “I mean it. I don’t hate you.”

You blinked.

“I probably could’ve,” he added unhelpfully. “If what I'd thought about you turned out to be true. But really, I just didn’t trust you.”

You grunted to at least acknowledge his confession, unsure of how else you should react. If that was how he treated the people he didn’t trust, you’d love to know what his hatred looked like. 

You’d long told yourself not to take it personally, but for some reason, there was an undeniable sting there. Maybe it was because Minho was eerily perceptive, so much that this whole ordeal had planted the idea in your head that he had to be correct. Or maybe, it was because you’d always felt like there was a bit of truth to his impression of you, even before you’d met him, even before his opinion of you had sunk straight into the gutter. Having someone else say it out loud had just forced you to come to terms with it.

That constant voice in the back of your head, etching guilt into your mind. Telling you that you liked hurting the people who depended on you, that you liked to build them a safe haven and then crush it before their very eyes. Exactly what he had claimed you’d done to him.

Exactly what you’d done to Chan.

“Am I making things worse?” Minho tilted his head. 

“No,” you answered, and it was mostly honest. “Go on.”

He said nothing, eyeing you for a moment longer. It put you on high alert. Similarly to Chan, you couldn’t shake the feeling that he was delving straight into your center—but unlike Chan, there was no comfort of being able to stare right back into his. 

“You probably know this by now, but Chan is an easy target for a lot of people,” he began. Slow, deliberate, no playful lilt to it. “He can usually tell when he’s being mistreated, but even so, he puts up with it. He thinks he can make it all better.”

You shifted uncomfortably in your spot, concentrating on the rain droplets that hadn’t yet dried from your hair. “Yeah, I know.” 

I know better than you. The petty side of you wanted to tack on. But you decided against it, instead choosing to foster whatever kind of tentative truce was coming to fruition here.

Minho paused again. “Right.”

“So, what, you thought I was one of those people?”

“Mm.” Blunt as ever. “Like I said, I've seen the type before. And if Chan wasn’t going to do anything about it, then I was.”

He’d changed his wording, you noticed. It had been your type before, uttered with all the contempt and venom in the world. You wanted to find consolation in that subtle difference, but it didn’t stop the memory from rousing your defiance all over again.

“You think he can’t make decisions for himself?”

It was a risk—hypocritical, too, when you knew firsthand what kind of decisions Chan made for himself, when you knew firsthand the powerlessness of trying to get him to stop—but you said it anyway. Minho hummed, leaning back in his chair, as if the challenge in your words hadn’t affected him in the slightest.

“Of course he can,” he replied evenly. “Doesn’t make them right. When you see your friend make the same decision over and over and get hurt every single time, wouldn’t it be cruel to just sit by and watch?”

He looked off to the side, and if you hadn’t known any better, you might’ve thought that he was—God forbid—trying to prevent you from possibly catching on to an emotion of his.

“That’s what real insanity is—isn’t that how the saying goes? Repeating the same thing and expecting different results.”

You knew, deep down, that his explanation made sense, and somehow, that only stung more. You felt wronged, like the collateral damage for all the people who had harmed Chan in the past. Knowing Minho had treated you so coldly out of the goodness of his heart wasn’t much of a compensation. In a childish sense, it made things even worse, because now, your own negative feelings towards him felt unjustified.

That didn’t even begin to cover the fact that he had been right. 

Every part of you wanted to object to him lumping you in with all the others as the same decision, but in the end, you were just another name on the endless list of people who had hurt Chan.

When he saw how long you’d gone silent for, Minho spoke up again, looking unsure of himself for what may very well have been the first time in his life. 

“I’m…” he huffed. “Look, I was wrong.”

As always, what he said was the polar opposite of what you’d been thinking. It was almost comical, how the wavelengths the two of you operated on were so determined to be different in every conceivable way. 

His ears, you noticed, had dusted red at the tips—the exact same way Chan’s would flare up when he was flustered. You hated how it weakened your resolve, how his mere association with Chan had you more than willing to accept his olive branch, however awkwardly shaped it was.

“Chan’s done a lot for me—for everyone. I just wanted to protect him.”

That was the point of convergence, the one, precious point where your waves intersected. The desire to keep Chan safe. You understood it better than anything else, and so, for that fleeting moment, you understood Minho. Still, your pride—something you’d repressed far too many times in your attempts to reconcile with him before—wasn’t quite ready to back down.

“But you barely even knew me,” you protested. “What did I do to make you decide that you hated me all of a sudden?”

“Didn’t hate you,” he corrected.

You pressed your lips together into an annoyed line. “What made you think I wanted to…to hurt him?”

Minho looked contemplative, and you found yourself worrying that he may simply decide not to tell you. You wouldn’t put it past him. It would be painfully on-brand, actually, at least with the version of him that you’d come to know. 

“Chan came home crying.”

Your throat went dry.

“What?” you rasped. “When?”

“Back in July. The morning I got back from summer break.”

The morning after you’d first slept together. All at once, everything snapped into place—pieces of the puzzle that you hadn’t been able to connect, pieces that you hadn’t even known were missing in the first place.

“So, he comes home from your place, crying, with those marks all over his neck,” he explained. “It wasn’t the first time something like that happened. I put two and two together.”

You felt sick enough that you actually feared you might throw up, right there, on the library floor.

“I thought he must’ve landed himself in a bad spot again. With someone who only wanted to use him.”

“Why?” You gripped your soaked bag to your chest, with so much force that residual water began to dribble out of it. “Why was he crying?”

How did I hurt him? You wanted to add. Why didn’t he tell me? Why didn’t I notice? 

How could you have ever let this happen?

Minho hesitated, and you squeezed your eyes shut, not entirely certain that you even wanted to hear the answer.

“He was happy.”

Confusion. And then, relief. And then, confusion again. The turmoil must have been written all over your face, because Minho ever so graciously decided to elaborate.

“I didn’t find that part out until yesterday, though. Not much of a happy crier, myself.”

A fresh surge of anger overtook everything else you were struggling to comprehend. Thoughts of what could’ve been, of how it all might have turned out if it weren’t for the man in front of you. The man who had given you all the tools in chiseling your self-doubt to perfection, who had passed you the hammer to destroy what you loved most.

You wanted it to be his fault. It would be so easy to pin the blame all on him. But nothing was ever that easy. Nothing was ever that simple. Even without the right tools, you would’ve found a way to destroy it regardless. It was what you were best at.

“You didn’t bother to ask him!?” you snapped.

“Oh. You think I’m stupid.” A glimpse of his former sharpness. You had to stop yourself from saying yes, just to spite him. “Of course, I asked. More than once. But his answer was the same as always—he smiled and told me not to worry. He’d say it with a gun to his head.”

You frowned. It was too much to process at once, too much for your already worn-down brain to compute. All you could really make sense of was a gut feeling, an instinct, telling you that you’d made a horrible, horrible mistake.

“I talked to Chan yesterday,” he mellowed again, back to his usual, airy tenor. “He told me everything. He doesn’t seem to fully understand it, but I do.”

Minho locked eyes with you, deep, intense. No longer the look of someone that had decided you were guilty, but a look that warned you that he would know if you were lying to him.

“You care about him, don’t you?”

It sounded more like a statement than a question, but you nodded, anyway. Such a simple thing to admit to. How could such a simple thing have ever led to all of this? 

“Yeah,” you mumbled. “That’s why I did it. I was afraid I’d end up…”

You took in a shaky breath.

“I just didn’t want to hurt him.”

“Ah, seriously.” He pinched the bridge of his nose, and he laughed. Incredulous, dry, ending with an exhale. “You broke up with him because you didn’t want to hurt him? Do you realize how insane that sounds?”

Your face heated up. “You’re the one who thought I would in the first place!”

“But I was wrong.”

You were taken aback by how plainly he admitted to it, how that indestructible, stubborn pride of his was extinguished the instant he’d learned it had harmed someone he cared about. Even more troubling than that, was that you could tell he was apologetic, even without him saying it outright. All of this, as annoyingly as he was going about it, was his apology to you. Changbin’s words—fond and reassuring and, now, truer than ever—reverberated in your mind. Soft at heart.

“People are supposed to help each other. You know that, right?”

You snorted at the absurdity of the question. 

“Obviously.”

“So why are you so weird about it?”

“It’s different with Chan,” you insisted. “You said it yourself. He does so much—everyone takes so much from him. I didn’t want to do the same.”

“But that’s still not fair, is it?” he countered. “You’d just be giving everything instead. Chan doesn’t want that, either.”

You opened your mouth to argue, only for the words to die in your throat. There was no way to justify it without sounding ridiculous—maybe, because it was a bit ridiculous. But Chan was the exception, he would always be the exception. You would give everything to him because you knew he would never take it for granted. You would give everything to him because he’d already given everyone so much.

Because he’d given you so much. 

Ah.

“God, you two are so—” Minho cradled his head dramatically, sensing that you’d finally worked it out in your mind. “You’ve already got the hardest part figured out. Just learn to take once in a while. You’re not gonna die.”

“But he won’t change unless I do,” you muttered. “I know he won’t.”

He gave you a look of pure exasperation, as if the answer couldn’t have been more obvious.

“So, change.”

。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。

The feeling of your heart threatening to burst out of your chest, courtesy of Bang Christopher Chan, was one you’d become well-acquainted with over the past seven months. But of all the times you’d experienced it, it’d never been quite like this. This was something else entirely.

A day to mull everything over after your conversation with Minho, a sleepless night spent trying and failing to map out how you could possibly approach the situation, and over an hour of pacing restlessly around your apartment—all useless in ebbing the adrenaline that coursed through your veins. Before the clock had even struck 10:00 a.m., you’d not only felt like you had run a marathon, but that you could run another for good measure. 

You’d spoken to Changbin first. He at least deserved to know what was going on. He deserved an apology, even if the very real possibility that he would never speak to you again afterwards made your stomach churn. On a more selfish note—you figured today was as good as any to start with that—you’d also just really, really missed him. 

As it turned out, he’d more or less come to grasp the situation, even when being protected from all angles. Between what little Minho had let slip, Chan’s avoidant behavior (to the surprise of no one, he’d hardly let Changbin know a thing) and your vaguely ominous texts, he’d gathered up enough bits and pieces for his genius intuition to fill in the gaps. The sound of his voice once you’d revealed what had happened in full; compassionate, calm—not an ounce of the disdain you’d resigned yourself to be met with so viciously—had almost been enough to make you choke up.

“You should’ve told me,” he’d chided. “Why do you love doing that to yourself? What, you think I’m not strong enough to lean on?”

You’d let out a long exhale, heavy with all the apprehension you released with it; relieved, embarrassed. “It’s not that, Bin,” you’d mumbled. “I didn’t want to trouble you. Not when Chan and Minho both mean so much to you.”

“And you think you don’t? C’mon, you’re supposed to be the smart one here.”

Naturally, it only added to your guilt, that you’d created such an uncharacteristically cruel image of him in your head. This was Seo Changbin, after all. A great talker, but an even better listener, and as much as he liked to tease Chan for his age, he had a level of emotional intelligence far beyond his years. A wisdom that you would probably do well to learn from whenever it bothered to make an appearance. 

At the same time, however, this was Seo Changbin, the one man show, Leo incarnate. Once the relief of hearing back from you had eased his conscience (as much as it could, knowing how horribly tangled up everything had become), the theatrics had ensued.

“Dating my best friend is one thing, but breaking his heart is off limits!” he’d complained. It was mostly light. No real anger behind it, just plenty of highly-warranted frustration. “Not only that—breaking your own heart too! What am I supposed to do with two brokenhearted best friends? Hang out with Minho!?”

After a slew of loud, nagging, reprimands, and a very serious threat that Cinnamoroll would be held hostage until further notice, Changbin had let you go. For the first time in five days, you’d laughed. You’d never felt more grateful, or more stupid, in your life. He made it all sound so simple. Lee Minho, quite possibly the most convoluted piece of work you’d ever encountered in this world, had made it all sound so simple. 

You could only hope that you hadn’t crushed it into something infinitely more complicated, something beyond repair.

The trembling of your fingers, coupled with that strange sensation in your thumb that had yet to go away, made it difficult for you to type properly. Still, you persisted, throwing caution to the wind. Caution had ruled over you for far too long, anyway.

you (10:03 a.m.) hi

you (10:04 a.m.) i understand if you want some space right now but if you can, i’d like to talk

You prepared to lock your phone, not expecting a reply for some time—if any at all. Even under normal circumstances, he didn’t always get back to you right away. But, well, maybe the fact that the circumstances were anything but normal should’ve been enough for you to know better, because you didn’t even get the chance to swipe out of your messaging app before you noticed three little dots below your chat bubble.

Appearing. Disappearing. Appearing. Disappearing. Just a sign of life from him, and your palms had grown clammy. With fear, anticipation, dread. The dread of being met with anything but love, anything but warmth.

Then, at last, a single word.

channie 🐺 (10:08 a.m.) about?

you (10:08 a.m.) everything us

This time, it took him longer to respond. Ignoring every instinct that screamed otherwise, you typed up another text. There was no use hiding. There was never any use hiding with him.

you (10:12 a.m.) i don’t think i can do this

Almost immediately.

channie 🐺 (10:12 a.m.) me neither

Your heart leapt. You didn’t want it to give you hope. He had every right, every reason in the world, to not give you the time of day. He could get his closure and leave you, just as you’d left him.

channie 🐺 (10:13 a.m.) i can be over in 10?

A million thoughts sparked to life at once. The question of why he was already so close by. The urge to insist that you go meet him instead. The sudden realization that you were in no way prepared to see him so soon.

But all of it, overwhelming as it was, didn’t hold a candle to your strongest desire—a desire that could never be subdued by anything else. To put Chan first.

you (10:14 a.m.) okay, sure see you soon

You didn't deserve to say it, so you added it in your head. Get here safe, Channie.

。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。

Chan looked tired when you opened the door. Eyes dull, drooping, littered with traces of pink and lined with dark circles. A few stray curls peeked out from beneath his beanie. You prayed that the black hoodie he was wearing wasn’t the same one he’d had on five days ago. He looked so tired. Tired and cold.

His gaze met yours. Just for a heartbeat, then it fell to the ground. You wanted to think it was because he felt self-conscious, you wanted to think it was that shyness—that hopelessly endearing shyness that got the best of him no matter how many times he looked at you. You didn’t want to believe that he simply couldn’t stomach the sight of you anymore.

“Are you okay?”

Chan tensed. Then, he caught you eyeing the bandaid on his thumb. He brushed his finger over it absentmindedly. He’d thought the pain had faded until now.

“Yeah. Just cut my finger.”

Your expression changed.

“On accident.”

“Oh,” you murmured. “Does it hurt?”

“A bit.”

You reached up to tug at your ear. He swiped his thumb over his nose.

“I—” you swallowed. The moment he’d stepped through the door, everything you’d so carefully planned to say, every point you’d spent hours trying to piece together into something comprehensible, was immediately tossed out the window. You had to navigate this in real time. There was no map for it—the path to something better. The only place you’d ever journeyed was your own destruction. 

“I’m so sorry,” you blurted out. “I think I messed up.”

He lifted his head. For once, unreadable.

“What do you mean?”

He knew what you meant, you were sure of it. But he wanted you to say it—needed you to say it. He needed you to dare to open yourself up to him, just as he had to you.

You understood now. That was the most important thing you could’ve ever given him, yet the one thing you’d refused to give.

“I’m not used to this,” you confessed. “I don’t know how to get used to it. You’re…you’re so good, Chan. To everyone. To me.”

Already, cracks were beginning to form in your composure. You had to keep it together, just enough to fix this. Just enough to hold the mirror up to him before it shattered. 

“When someone that good comes into your life, you wanna do everything you can to keep them, y’know? I wanted to do everything for you.”

Chan’s breath caught in his throat, audibly, and you knew a protest was building on his tongue. So, you barreled through.  

“It’s exactly because you’re so good that I got so scared. Because you wouldn’t just let me do it all for you like everyone else does.”

There was a pause, long and heavy enough for you to debate if you should just keep going, to air it all out and pray that at least some of it would come out sensical. But before you could, he spoke up, attentive as ever in what he chose to focus on. He narrowed it down like second nature, sought out the most essential part. The root of it all.

“You were scared?”

You winced. “I…yeah.”

“I’m sorry.”

Whatever remained of your heart from the past few days was effectively smashed into pieces. An apology from the last person on earth you needed to hear it from. An apology from someone who was owed so many apologies. From you, from himself, and from countless others who would never have to say it.

“Why are you sorry?” 

“I drove you to this, didn't I?” he whispered. “I thought about it the past few days—talked with Minho about it. I put you in a position you didn’t want. It’s my fault.”

“Oh, Channie,” it slipped out so naturally, with such ease, you didn’t even have the chance to second-guess yourself. “Your only fault is the way you treat yourself.”

Chan didn’t appear convinced. He shuffled his feet from side to side, hands heavy in the pocket of his hoodie. Restless, ashamed. Still not looking you in the eye. You weren’t grateful for it anymore; you missed his gaze. Dark and reflective, kind and curious. Seeing right through you, even with all its flickering around. 

“Maybe I needed to be put in that position,” you continued. “I was just too much of a coward to take it. B-because you were right. I try to be everything for people, then I end up being nothing. I was so afraid I was going to do that to you—or even worse. I was afraid I was going to be the one taking everything from you.”

“Why would you ever think that?” he sounded so helpless, like you were communicating in two completely foreign tongues. No room for speaking in riddles. “I saw every little way you cared for me. Always. Did you think I didn’t?”

Challenging him meant challenging yourself. You’d taken the plunge acutely aware of that fact, this time. Still, the panic rose in your chest all over again, the itch in your feet goaded you to turn and run.

“I know you did. And that’s more than enough for me.” You forced yourself to take a step forward instead, desperate to get through to him, desperate to reach him. “But when you do these things for me at your own expense…when you don’t tell me about it, don’t you see how that could scare me? As someone who cares about you?”

In all the time you’d known Chan, you’d never once have guessed that he could be so difficult. But if that unshakeable stubbornness would emerge over anything, of course it would be this. He would never make things difficult for anyone but himself. You still remembered how plainly he’d said it, how bleak and merciless and cold it had been: “It doesn’t matter.”

You could tell he sensed how on-edge you were, how laughably out of your element something like this was for you. But you were pushing yourself—for him. So, like a true reflection, he matched you.

“I guess I was scared, too,” he admitted quietly. “It’s been the only thing I know how to do for so long. I thought…I-I thought you’d leave if I did anything else. Because why else would you stay, y’know?”

You’d known it. Even before he’d bared himself to you, even before you’d had the knowledge to connect all the dots, you’d felt it, deep within you. But that didn’t make hearing him say it out loud any less devastating.

“I don’t love you because of what you can do for me, Chan.”

His eyes shot up at last. Wide, intense, searching. Realigning with you. A break in the fog that had been clouding your view of each other for the past five days.

It may have been unfair—cruel, even—to say now. But you needed him to hear it, even if this was the end of the road for you and him. You needed to at least plant the seed in his mind with the hopes that one day, with enough care, it might sprout into something beautiful.

“You’re worth so much as you are,” you tried to get a handle on the shake creeping into it. “You do so much for me just by being yourself.”

Chan blinked. Pupils darting between you and the floor, hands slipping from his pockets, face muscles twisting in an internal conflict. You could see him physically exerting all his willpower to not reject the idea—to dare to accept a love so unconditional, solely so that you might accept it in return.

“If I told you the same thing,” he began slowly. “Would you believe me?”

You sucked in a deep breath. “I can learn to believe it.”

His fingers flexed. You realized for the first time how close the distance between you and him had become—drifting towards each other involuntarily. That inevitable, magnetic pull, more powerful than any of the forces you’d studied in four years.

“Okay.” He was reaching out for you. “Then, how about we learn together, yeah?”

Your heart jumped against your ribcage. Over his words. Over the sight of his pinky, held out in earnest despite you giving it such little reason to ever do so again, waiting patiently to curl against yours. 

You’d believe in anything that connected you to him.

“Together.”

Just as quickly as things had fallen apart, the foundation was laid out for them to be put back together. A steady foundation, built to last. Your belief that day had turned out to be true, after all. Everything always worked out when you talked to Chan. When you leaned into him. When you didn’t run.

Heat rippled through you the instant your fingers entwined, fiercer, more all-consuming than even the first time you’d ever touched. Still, neither of you pulled away. For the first time in five days, you were warm again.

The new, unspoken promise igniting to life between you reminded you of another; one that you’d let sit on your ledger for far too long. One you’d made so carelessly to the boy who deserved all the care in the world. The boy who treated you with all the care in the world.

“I’m going to be more selfish from now on.” You tightened your hold on his pinky, creating a fresh buzz of heat. “Because I want you to be, too.”

You thought you were hallucinating it for a second, the beginnings of a grin on Chan’s face. Soft cheeks rising, not enough to draw out his dimples or eclipse his eyes, but enough to make you certain of your decision. The key you’d tossed out a year and a half ago was in that smile.

“Guess I’ve got no choice but to mirror you.”

“That’s right,” any firmness it might’ve had was lost to a smile of your own. Exhausted, but tragically enamored with the boy in front of you. “Since you wanna be my other half so bad, and all.”

He giggled. Short, sweet, playing the strings of your heart like a harp. Or, rather, its melody was the sound of your heart.

“I’m gonna tell you some things,” you warned. “And they’re not going to be nice. Or good. Is that okay?”

“Anything.” He unhooked his pinky from yours, only to wiggle his sleeve back and weave all of your fingers together instead. Five fingers, one for each of the days you’d spent apart. Your palm pressed against his, pumping faintly with your quickening pulse. “Tell me anything.”

You inhaled. Better to start with something smaller, first. A test run in this whole emotional openness thing.

“About Minho…”

“He gave you plenty of trouble, didn’t he?”

You puffed out a soft laugh. “Well, I gave him some back.”

“I scolded him,” Chan mumbled. “A lot. Bin did, too.”

You tried not to feel too satisfied about it. The idea of Chan, so doting, so unabashed in his adoration for the younger boy, rebuking him, addressing him with anything but overflowing fondness. You would take it as a small, private victory—one that Minho didn’t need to know about now that you’d both chosen to bury the hatchet.

“But…I hope you won’t think badly of him. He means well, really. He’s—”

“Soft at heart, right?” you finished for him. “It’s okay, we talked it out in the end. I think."

“Yeah,” he sighed. “Yeah, he told me.”

You could’ve laughed. Lee Minho. You never thought you’d see the day where the mention of him wouldn’t be promptly followed by a wave of absolute revulsion. You wondered if he was the reason Chan had even agreed to see you today. You wondered if he was the reason Chan had only been ten minutes away from your apartment before you’d even sent him a message.

“I just wish you’d told me.”

I wish you’d told me. They were words you’d said to him so many times, words you’d wanted to say on even more occasions. But it was in your hands, now. You were in each other’s hands, now. You didn’t have to wish anymore.

“I know.” You gave his palm a squeeze. “But you can see why I didn’t, right?”

He nodded, sheepish, well aware that it was a pointed question.

“A lot of the things Minho did were to protect you,” you murmured. “But, a lot of the things he said were things someone else once said to me. I guess it made them easier to believe.”

Chan’s thumb glided delicately across the back of your hand. You knew he could predict where this was going.

“When you told me about what happened two years ago, I think I related to you a lot. I think it was one of those shared experiences you talked about.”

Each sentence felt like it was being dragged out of you, uprooted. But it was necessary. Clearing the weeds out to make room for something less parasitic—maybe, even flowers. “My last relationship was with someone who took a lot out of me, too. He needed someone to depend on. I…I wanted to be that for him.”

“I know you did.” Gentle, sad. A tenderness for you and, hopefully, himself. It gave you the strength to keep going.

“He needed so many things, felt so many things. All his emotions became mine until I didn’t have any for myself,” you were losing control of your voice again. “I didn’t understand how you could ever blame yourself for what that girl did to you. But, really, I’ve always blamed myself, too. Because I let him rely on me. I promised to be everything for him, then I left.”

“But he never let you rely on him, did he?” Chan didn’t miss a beat, like he already knew the answer. “He wanted you to carry it all yourself.”

You averted your stare. “M-maybe. And maybe I wanted that, too. Some people just need more support than others, y’know? I thought I could handle it.”

You always thought you could handle it, even when every past experience proved otherwise. That was yet another thing Minho had been right about. You’d driven yourself mad repeating the same cycle over and over again, deluding yourself into thinking it could ever turn out any different.

“Nobody needs no support at all,” he pointed out. “Not even someone as strong as you.”

Strong. Hearing the word come out of his mouth—his perfect mouth, in that light, melodic voice—pricked at your eyes. It was a term you’d never once thought to describe yourself with. It was the exact opposite of everything you’d come to believe about yourself. You wanted to reject it, to crush the idea before letting it get to your head. But how could you, when it came from the strongest person you knew? How could you do anything but cling to it, cherish it?

“I don’t know if I’m strong,” you muttered, blinking away what was sure to come eventually. “It’s just that every time I’ve tried to lean on someone, they let me fall. So it’s better to stand on my own.”

“Yeah. I understand."

You knew that much was true. You knew, painfully well, how much he understood. And you knew he still thought you were strong.

“I…” Everything had been put into place—or, rather, everything had been properly displaced—for the dam to break loose. Tentatively, lovingly, he was helping you pull out each log. It filled you with fear, down to every last fiber of your being, but you knew that you could break in front of him. He wouldn’t crumble with you. He wouldn’t shatter over the mere prospect of you expressing an emotion of your own. He’d let you release, and when it was all over, he’d help you pick up the pieces. Just as you had with him.

“I lost my friend last year.”

“Lost…?”

“I mean, she passed away—last summer. She was in an accident back home.”

Such a common way to die for someone who was anything but. Such a special person to become part of such an ordinary statistic. Chan’s face morphed into something heartbreaking, a look that told you he felt everything you were feeling in that moment. The gears were turning in his head, you could see it unfolding through your blurred vision. That was why you hadn’t wanted to return home over the summer. That was why you’d come back to him so soon.

“I’m so sorry.”

You knew he wasn’t only giving his condolences, he was apologizing for ever cornering you to reveal it. For forcing you to unveil the wound that had been festering for so long. Bleeding with no signs of stopping, neglected with no signs of healing.

“It’s okay, I—” A lump rose in your throat. “I need to talk about it, I think. Never really did.”

His hand tugged at yours, just barely, uncertain. Always hesitant to pull you as close as he really wanted. You leaned forward all at once, falling into him. And he caught you.

“Never?” 

“I tried once.” You rested your head against him, and his arms locked securely around you straight away. No room for you to fear, even for a second, that he might let you fall. “I tried to tell him. He always said he felt bad that he wasn’t there for me like I was for him. B-but…” The wave was rising again. “He just left.”

You couldn’t see Chan’s expression, you weren’t sure if you wanted to. You didn’t want to know what anger might look like on such an angelic face. But you could feel it, his jaw clenching, his muscles tensing. You figured he must look something like you had that night in October, struggling to maintain the delicacy in your movements as he revealed things that had filled you with a protective fire.

“He left?” Chan repeated, strained. “He left you like that?”

“Yeah. I-I guess it made him feel worse to be there.”

His hand began to run slowly up and down your back; drawing out your pain and soothing it simultaneously. When he spoke again, his tone was softer. He’d put his anger to the side, just as you had that night. “It must have been lonely for you.” 

Lonely. Something else you’d never once considered. Something else that became so obvious only once he’d said it. You’d always been surrounded by people, but they were all flocking to a version of you that didn’t exist. A version you’d let them believe was real, because that was so much easier. Maybe the version of you, in your truest form, had been lonely.

“A little.” You buried your nose into his hoodie. No scent of sweet citrus today, no vanilla cherry blossom. Just him. “I think she’s the only one I could’ve talked to about it. She…she was a lot like you, in some ways.”

Something seemed to dawn on Chan, because he gripped you a little tighter, pulled you impossibly closer. The realization that the universe had taken away the only person you’d ever come to rely on. Of course you would be terrified to ever let anyone take that role again.

“She sounds exactly like the kind of friend you deserve,” his voice rumbled softly where you rested against his chest. “You can tell me about her. About it all. I’m here to listen.”

“I want to,” you took in a sharp inhale. “But I think I’m going to cry.”

“You can do that, too.” 

The wave engulfed you in full. For the first time since the day you’d lost her, you allowed yourself to cry over her.

Given how long you’d been holding it in, it didn’t come out nearly as explosive as you’d expected. The tears slipped from your eyes and down your cheeks without a sound, but they came and came and came. Each hot stream was immediately followed by a fresh one, a buildup of all the sorrow you’d kept sealed inside you for the past year and a half, and all the years before that. You didn’t sob or wail or scream out, but with how tightly Chan was holding you, you were certain he felt every tremor, every subdued hiccup, every droplet soaking through his clothes.

“It’ll be okay, one day,” he promised. “You’ll remember all the happy times with her. That’s something you can never lose.”

You hoped it was true. You hoped that one day, you could step off the train in your hometown, take in the pine-tinged summer air, pick a chrysanthemum from that flower stall, and remember her with that warm, glowing ball of light you used to carry in your chest.

Chan didn’t stop rubbing your back the entire time you cried. He didn’t stop enveloping you in his warmth. He didn’t stop humming sweetly in your ear. 

He didn’t leave.

The tears eventually stopped flowing, not because it didn’t hurt anymore—you just didn’t think your body could keep up. No amount of tears could ever live up to your grief for her. But your breathing slowed, your shaking steadied, and, as much as your head positively throbbed, a sense of tranquility came with it, one you couldn’t remember the last time you’d felt.

“Thank you, Channie,” you mumbled. “Thank you for being here.”

“Thank you for trusting me.”

After everything you’d put him through the past five days, after he’d listened to you so intently and patiently as you poured your heart out, after he’d comforted you when he was still in such a fragile state himself, he was thanking you. It was hopeless. You would fall in love with him over and over again, every moment you spent with him. 

“Have you…” he hesitated. “Have you ever thought about talking to someone? About everything?”

“No,” you choked out a sad laugh. “Not really.”

Chan hummed again, quiet. He rested his hand on the back of your head, as if to pull you so far into him that you’d meld fully together.

“You shouldn’t torture yourself anymore,” he murmured.

“Neither should you.”

So immediate, so resolute, it made him stiffen against you.

“My stuff doesn’t compare to any of this.”

“That’s not true. You’ve only told me the half of it, haven’t you?” You curled your fingers a bit tighter around his hoodie. “You've been through so much to become this strong, haven’t you?”

The peaceful drag of his hand finally stopped. When he spoke, his voice was thick with emotion. He'd been holding it together up until now, for you, even if your every tremble and sniffle made his chest ache like your pain was his own.

“Maybe,” he rasped. 

“So, let’s work towards something better. Together.”

“Together,” he agreed.

You raised your head at last, squeezing your eyes shut so that any remaining trace of tears trickled free. Chan reached up to swipe the droplets away with his thumb, soaking his bandaid. Still, neither of you let go. There were so many things to let go of, but not each other.

“I finished Placebo,” he said softly. “Do you want to hear it?”

The final promise that had yet to be fulfilled.

“Yeah,” you smiled. Weak, a piteous sight, probably, but genuine. “It makes me happy.”

You were lulled back to that day in April, seated next to Chan in the warm, coffee-infused atmosphere of the library, trying not to fall head over heels in love with him right then and there while he played the instrumental for you with a giddiness so uncontainable that he had to bite down on his fist. As you heard Placebo’s lyrics for the first time—lyrics that had gone through countless rearrangements, rewrites, and delays—you decided it must’ve been fate that it had been brought to completion now, of all times. You felt Chan in every line, every vitalizing beat, every nostalgic melody of the synth. You understood it better now than you ever would have back then.

But just as you’d predicted on that warm day in April, it became your new favorite.

。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。

The sun had been shining for two days straight. Bright, unobstructed by a single cloud, bathing everything in gold. It filtered through the blinds of your window, casting a delicate pattern of light on Chan’s face and creating quite possibly the most breathtaking view you’d ever seen. And you were warm. Warm against each other.

His curls were free, messy, tousled as you combed through them. You relished in every ringlet dancing between your fingers, in each content sound he let slip when your nails grazed his scalp. You brushed his bangs back, revealing his face to you in full—droopy eyes, big, adorable nose, soft cheeks, faintly freckled skin, every feature illuminated with nowhere to hide—then allowed them to fall into his eyes once more. The dark locks moved as one, a fluffy unit. He wasn’t taking care of them properly. You wanted to wash them again, give them the treatment they deserved.

Chan watched you the entire time you played with his hair, curious, mesmerized. Every flop of his curls against his forehead made him giggle, and so, you did it again and again. You couldn’t help it. After five days without him, without that sweet, harmonious sound, you could listen to him laugh for hours on end and still yearn for more.

But his lips were getting poutier with every card of your fingers, his thighs were shifting beneath you more and more. Impatient, even if he didn’t say it out loud. He didn’t have to say a thing for you to hear him willing you to do it, begging you to do it. So, you leaned in and kissed him.

He sighed into it, just like he always did. But it was higher in pitch this time, involuntary, a neediness he typically tried to suppress until later down the line when it grew into something unbearable. He was already so vocal, so responsive, but today, he needed you more than ever. Every gap, every crevice between your bodies, he needed filled with you.

His lips consumed your senses, plush and plump and warm. They moved against yours seamlessly, encasing you in his softness, matching your rhythm, every part and pucker. So attentive, even through his haze of longing. It was familiar, the most natural thing in the world, yet still something you’d never get used to—something you never wanted to get used to. How his lips chased yours so insatiably, how they warmed you to your very core.

You were both breathless when you broke apart. That was nothing new either, you would kiss each other until your lungs cried out and then some. With the way Chan hardly pulled back, mouth ghosting just a centimeter away as you panted lightly in unison, you might’ve thought he needed to kiss you more than he needed oxygen. You took his lower lip between your teeth, nibbling delicately just to get a taste of him while the two of you caught your breath.

“Missed you,” he whimpered. “God, I missed you.”

Your chest ached. 

“I know, baby.” 

Giving his bottom lip a light tug, you released it. You could tell his head was starting to go fuzzy, it was far more important for you to speak clearly. You rested your hand on his curls again, trying to keep yourself composed for his sake—even if your body was screaming for you to take him back and take him back now. “I know. I missed you, too.”

“Don’t leave me, please?” For once, a selfish request. 

He pecked the corner of your mouth as he said it, then your jaw, growing less controlled the further down he moved. He was getting lost in you, he wanted to lose himself in you and never find his way out again.

“Never,” you assured him. 

“Promise?” 

He nuzzled his nose into your neck, lips pressing urgent kisses to every spot of flesh they touched. Gentle and intense, hot and wet. They cooled your skin and set it ablaze, all at once. 

You’d gone five days without each other before—even longer, on particularly hectic weeks—but it had never been anything like this. After the emptiness that came in your time apart, the holes that had been left behind where you’d ripped yourself away from him, you wanted every kiss absorbed into your skin, filling them up one by one. You found yourself wondering, for what was neither the first nor the last time, how you’d ever managed to trick yourself into thinking you could be without him. You couldn’t even take him in moderation.

“I promise,” you murmured. “I'm not going anywhere, I promise.”

Chan whined, opening his mouth against the edge of your collarbone, sucking, tongue flickering lightly against it. You allowed him to, petting his head, humming sweetly to him as he covered every inch he roamed with that irresistible heat.

His restlessness beneath you grew more obvious—squirming. He ran his hands up and down your sides, feeling and grabbing and holding onto you like you might disappear if he didn’t. His usual hesitance to touch was nowhere to be found today, far overpowered by his hunger for you. You adjusted your position in his lap, and the beginnings of his desire brushed against your thigh, adorably transparent as always. It made your own self-control slip just a bit. Suddenly, his clothes were forming far too thick of a barrier between you and him for your liking.

You pulled gently at his hair, catching his attention enough for him to lift his head from your neck. His lips were already swelling, deepening from that pretty pink shade into something even more addictive. His eyes were dark, dilated, and so hopeful, like he didn’t already know where this was going. Like he had no idea that you craved him every bit as much as he craved you.

“It’s getting warm, huh, Channie?”

“Mhm.” He rested his cheek against your palm. “You’re so warm.”

“Let’s get you out of this, then.” You reached down to dip your fingers under the hem of his sweater. Reluctant to let go for even a moment, Chan kept his hands close to you, wiggling around as best as he could to help you slip the garment off. He blinked his eyes open once you’d pulled it over his head, catching a glimpse of his reflection in your dresser mirror, directly across from where the two of you sat tangled up in each other. It made his stomach drop a bit. Hair unkempt, eyes sunken, face puffy from what was a concerning lack of rest over the past week, even by his standards.

His gaze averted, flickering right back to you the instant he took in his appearance. Brief as the action was, it wasn’t lost on you, twisting your emotions and resurfacing an idea in your mind—one that had been brewing ever since the day of the showcase, where Chan had avoided looking into the bathroom mirror like his life depended on it.

You cupped his cheeks, pushing them together just enough for his lips to pucker.

“You’re glowing, Channie,” you marveled. “You’re so beautiful.”

He furrowed his brows. “I’m not.”

You pressed your thumbs into his skin, chiding. “The light’s hitting your face so perfectly. You look like an angel.” 

Chan’s breath quickened, another deflection building in his throat. You slid your hands down from his face, allowing the golden rays of the sun to fully illuminate him, just as they illuminated the moon. 

“I…” he chuckled. “Th-thank you, but I’m a mess.”

You frowned, placing your hands over his. Panic struck when you urged him to unlatch his fingers from your hips, you could tell by the way he gripped you just a bit tighter. It was another pang to your chest. Somewhere in the depths of his mind, that reflex had been ingrained. But you weren’t going to leave him, not even for a second. You kept your hands firmly rested on his shoulders as you hoisted yourself off his lap and settled down right behind him on the mattress. Comforting him with your touch, reminding him that you were there.

You peered into the mirror from over Chan’s shoulder, met with the gorgeous sight of his bare upper half and, unsurprisingly, his head ducked in embarrassment. A mop of dark curls shielding him from himself. 

“You should try looking at yourself through my eyes,” you suggested. “You might like what you see.”

He glanced up to meet your stare in the mirror, stubbornly set on ignoring his own figure. You dragged your hands along his tense shoulders, feeling up the warm expanse of skin, the curves of his muscles—taut, yet tender.

“Rather look at you,” he said softly.

Affection swelled inside you, but you were determined to maintain your resolve, even when faced with an opponent as formidable as Chan’s deep-seated inhibitions. 

“Why?” You faked a pout. “You’ve already got such a pretty view right here.”

You lowered yourself to brush your lips against his neck, almost completely out of sight. He all but jolted as you pressed an open-mouthed kiss right below his jawline, just as reactive as your first night together. Just as honest and open and just as painfully cute. Your hand slipped over his shoulder to take hold of his chin, tilting it up, exposing his throat fully to you and encouraging him to look at himself.

“You’re a gorgeous boy, Channie.” Your words melted right into his ear. “Everyone can see it.”

You pressed another kiss to the juncture of his shoulder and neck—his weak spot. With how sensitive he was, every part of his body may as well have been his weak spot, but the sound he let out as you grazed your teeth over it was like no other. Sweet and pleading in the back of his throat. It spiked in volume when you closed your mouth over the patch of skin, unconcerned this time over whether or not the mark would show. He wanted it to. And, selfishly, so did you.

“I-I don’t see it,” he stuttered at last. “I can’t.”

Your tsk of disapproval was met with another shaky sigh as you ran your tongue over the fresh lovebite. It soothed his burning skin, fogged up any remaining space in his head. You took a moment to admire the blooming red ring before gliding your lips over to a new spot to sully. He was yours, even untouched, but you wanted to leave traces of yourself everywhere, to make him a part of you in every sense.

“Look at yourself, baby,” you ordered gently.

His Adam's apple bobbed under your mouth, swallowing down his misgivings and finding the courage to comply. Before he even locked eyes with himself in the mirror, his ears were already flushing at their tips.

“There we go. Good boy.”

The praise eased his mind a bit, but you could still feel his heartbeat racing under your kisses, pulsing beneath your traveling fingers. All simply because of the sight of himself—a sight you wanted engraved permanently into your memories, just as badly as he wanted it removed from his. 

“Look at all these muscles. So big and strong.” You flattened your palms against his broad shoulders, trailing slowly, appreciatively, down to his biceps. Arms you used to dream about having bulge beneath your hands. Arms you had at your mercy, even in all their strength. Because it was a strength used solely to protect others, never to harm.

You wrapped your fingers around the defined muscles, too large to even close your grip entirely around. They flexed under your touch—a detail you found adorable, strangely enough.

“D-do you…” Chan licked his lips. “D’you like them?”

You smiled against his skin. Such an endearingly Chan question. Setting himself up for a response that he wouldn’t be able to handle; a response that was sure to set his face on fire and put a stammer in his speech.

“I might like them too much,” you admitted. “So gorgeous to look at. So irresistible to touch. So cute when I hold them down,” you mumbled the compliments between each kiss you peppered along his arm veins, protruding from his nervous hold on the sheets. “So safe and reliable. So strong, but so weak for me.”

Chan’s reaction didn’t disappoint, cheeks heating up instantly to match the burn of his ears, dimples making a timid appearance. Anything he attempted to say was lost in the shy, breathless laugh he sputtered out. You knew right about now that he was wishing he had some kind of cap, beanie—anything to pull over his face and hide away. To hear your doting words without having to face himself. Maybe then, he’d believe them.

“You work so hard, don’t you, Channie?” you cooed. “Such a strong, beautiful body for a strong, beautiful boy.”

“A-ah…please.” Chan fought back the impulse to cross his arms over his torso, solely because he didn’t want to lose the feeling of your mouth ravishing them, appreciating every curve. Instead, he squeezed his eyes closed, too flustered to bear. Your hands found his chest without warning, cupping his pecs and making him squeak. He sank his teeth into his bottom lip, a split second too late in trying to mask the pitiful noise.

“You have no idea what you do to me.” You dug your nails delicately into his chest, just enough to make him shudder. “I can’t believe you’re mine.”

To that, he didn’t object. “Yours, ‘m all yours.” It was eager, immediate, accompanied by a tilt of his head. Urging you to make it known, to leave more marks of yourself all over his neck until it belonged just as much to you as it did him. 

“All mine.” You rolled his nipples delicately between your fingers, earning a broken whimper that made heat pool in your stomach. “My pretty boy.”

Chan jerked forward, every intoxicating word of praise, every drop of your attention making his arousal skyrocket. With his eyes still shut tight, all his other senses were on high alert. The serene sound of your voice reverberated all around him, the deliberate care of your touch sent tremors up his spine. You roamed further down his body, fingertips dancing over his lean abdomen, tracing the outlines of his muscles. His stomach clenched as you did; exhilarated, rising and falling with each rapid breath. He felt so vulnerable—all his pleasure, all his comfort, all his worth in the palm of your hand. More exposed than ever, yet somehow, safer than ever. He could stay blind through it all and trust you to guide him to the other side.

“Open your eyes for me, baby.”

He pressed his lips together, protest cut short when you inched dangerously close to where he needed you most.

“There,” he gasped out. “There, please.”

Mischievously, you pinched the skin right above his waistband, satisfaction rushing through you when he throbbed in the confines of his sweatpants. “Where?” you questioned, deceptively innocent. “You have to look and see.”

You drifted further down, skimming the softness of his hips and stroking his tensed thigh. “Here?”

“No,” he huffed, face scrunching in frustration. “Please, ‘s too embarrassing.”

Your hum was full of sympathy, but your hand said otherwise, moving along his inner thigh and giving it a light squeeze. “How about here?”

You knew what was coming by now. So, you snaked your legs around his waist from behind, prying his thighs apart before they could clamp together reflexively. The added contact only made Chan’s composure weaken further, a low groan spilling out of him. Practically every part of your body was pressed against his—head tucked into his neck, chest rubbing against his back, hands grasping him wherever they slid, thighs resting on his—but it wasn’t enough. He needed more before he crumbled completely against you. Or, rather, he needed more to crumble completely against you.

His eyes snapped open at last, hazy, disoriented. He blinked a few times to readjust his vision, taking in the view before him. His puffed, rosy cheeks, his neck, painted with deep, crimson marks, his arms and torso, lined with the faint drag of your nails. Every part of himself that he chose to focus on was evidence of you on his body.

“Beautiful,” you said firmly.

“Ah…th-thank you.”

His reflection peered back at him, nowhere to hide. But with it, he found his other reflection, one he could admire so wholeheartedly, one he could never run out of things to love about. When at your side, maybe he didn’t look so bad.

Your lips were by his ear again, he felt your breath fanning softly next to it, saw your mouth opening unexpectedly close to his piercing—so close that he thought you may take it between your teeth again. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to contain himself if you did.

“Where do you want me to touch you, Channie?” you whispered.

His stare dropped to your hand, more than ready for any excuse to redirect his attention from himself. You rubbed gentle circles into his thighs, traveling upwards at an agonizingly slow place. Chan sucked in through his teeth, a fresh wave of embarrassment passing over him when his dick twitched again, as if it was crying out the answer for him.

“My baby’s so shy,” you remarked playfully. “But your body isn't.”

He squirmed between your legs with a sound of pure helplessness, too worked up to handle your teasing properly—not that he ever really handled it well, in the first place. 

“P-please, need you so bad.”

You softened. “I’m here.”

His eyes followed your movements in a glimmer of hope, fixated on your hand like a puppy would with its favorite treat. When you came to brush over his bulge at last, his hips shot forward, pressing into your palm in a way that made your stomach flutter, and his twist with pleasure. He didn’t even have the chance to feel humiliated about it, not when you finally curled your fingers around him like he’d been longing for so intently, so fiercely that even thinking straight had become a challenge for him.

“Is this it?” you asked sweetly.

“Mmph, yes. There, please.”

You gave him a squeeze, feeling up the shape of his length through his sweatpants. So hard without a single touch to it, more than ready for you—desperate for you. It made the ache between your own legs take over in full. Restraint slipping, you dipped your fingers below his waistband to tug his sweatpants off. Chan reacted immediately, scrambling to raise himself from the mattress just enough for you to slide them down along with his underwear. You couldn’t even find the patience in you to remove the garments entirely, instead letting them rest halfway down his legs.

Chan’s gaze flickered back to you in the mirror, just in time to catch the way your eyes gleamed at the sight of his bare body. Length glistening with precum, pressed and dripping against his stomach. Milky thighs, dotted with delicate moles you could kiss endlessly. But you wanted to leave a different kind of mark on them, today. You ran your hands along his flesh—gentle, pacifying—then dragged your nails back up all at once, raking his skin and leaving a trail of pale lines that quickly deepened in shade. Chan inhaled sharply, throwing his head back against your shoulder, muscles constricting under your fingers.

“Pretty little thing,” you crooned. “You’re unreal.”

There was no time for him to recover—not from the delicious sting on his thighs, not from your doting words—before you took his cock into your hold at last. It sent a ripple of heat all throughout his body, almost enough to make him unravel right then and there.

You gave him a few careful pumps, delighted by the sheer amount of wetness that had dribbled from his tip, allowing you to move with ease. Using your free hand, you nudged his head from your shoulder to direct him back to the mirror. Despite knowing full well that the visual he’d be met with would turn his brain to mush, he obeyed. He would do anything you so much as suggested in that moment.

“You’re just like that moon you love so much,” you murmured. “You know that, Channie?”

It pierced through the lust occupying his thoughts, pulling him out from his haze just enough to string together a feeble response. “What—ah. What d’you mean?”

He tried not to let the sight of your fingers, sticky with his arousal, gliding up and down his most intimate spot, twisting and teasing in all the right ways like you knew his body better than he did, distract him from what you said next. If there was anything to focus on, it was you. 

“The moon can only see itself reflected in the water.” You swirled your thumb along his slit, using your other hand to run the pads of your fingers tenderly along his cheek. The combination was enough to make him dizzy. So much love, so much pleasure. He didn’t know how to handle it. He would never know how to handle it. “It doesn’t see its own beauty or light. Just the way it gets distorted by the ripples all around it.”

Before he could even fully process the comparison, Chan’s eyes began to water. This time, you knew without a shadow of a doubt that it was happiness imbued in those tears. A happiness the both of you still needed adjusting to.

“So, look at yourself clearly, now,” you encouraged, pressing a kiss to his temple. “Look at your reflection when it isn’t broken.”

It may have been too much for him at once; such adoration amidst everything else he was experiencing. The stimulation to every last one of his nerve endings, the bliss consuming his body and mind, robbing him of any coherent thought. But you needed to say it just as much as he needed to hear it. You wanted all the pleasure, all the love he felt in that moment to be associated with himself.

“O-oh, wow,” he choked out. “I…I don’t…”

I don’t deserve this. You could hear it on the tip of his tongue, clear as day. But he was too awestruck to protest, too awestruck to even speak. You felt a tinge of protectiveness—he was so far gone.

“D-dunno what to s-say,” he stammered. You knew it was taking every ounce of his strength not to bury his face into the crook of your neck, to let himself go completely and forget about anything that wasn’t you.

“It’s okay, Channie. You don’t have to say anything. Just look.”

You studied him in the mirror, nearly melting when you noticed him blinking the few, fragile droplets from his eyes—listening diligently to you, clearing his vision from any water that might distort it. He drank in his reflection in full, stiff, uneasy, but relaxing slightly between your legs when you pressed another kiss to his cheek.

“So pretty, every inch of you.” Your hand resumed its stroking, sliding down to the base of his length, cupping him gently. “Even prettier when you’re filling me up.”

“Oh my gosh,” he gasped, jerking in your grip. Even with the mirror there to guide him, he struggled to coordinate his hand movements, pawing aimlessly behind him to find some part of you to grab onto, some part of you to anchor himself with. “Please, please. Wanna feel you.”

“I know, baby boy,” you shushed him. “You’re dripping so much. Poor thing.”

You dragged your index finger along the underside of his cock one last time before pulling away with a light flick. Chan barely stopped himself from surging forward, chasing your hand like an instinct. That, coupled with the mewl he let out when he registered the sudden loss of your body heat around him, tugged at your heart just as much as it spiked your adrenaline. You made quick work of removing your clothes, well aware of his eyes, wide as moons, watching you undress through the mirror, waiting for you to return to him. Keen, yearning, but obedient above all else.

He reached for you the instant you settled back in his lap, hovering over your waist for just a second before ultimately latching on, skin on skin, a whole new layer of heat. You took his length back into your grasp, turning your body so that you were both facing your dresser mirror. You could hear Chan’s breathing pick up behind you, feel his chest expanding against your back.

“See that, Channie?” You dragged the head of his dick along your folds, coating it with your own wetness. “Just looking at you gets me like this.”

If all you’d said wasn’t enough, maybe the physical proof of his effects on you would help do the trick. A sweet, desperate vocalization, so rife with need that you could practically taste it, was all he could manage. It morphed into a moan as you sank down on him all at once—loud, absolutely shameless. You would never think it came from the boy who couldn’t even catch a glimpse of himself without being reduced to a flustered wreck. Just as your heat engulfed him, his engulfed you. It came more intensely than ever before, more staggering than even your first time together, bolting through your veins and making you suppress a gasp. You clenched around his cock, relishing in the feeling of him pressed so snugly inside you, as close as physically possible. So comforting in its familiarity, so exhilarating in its return. It was something you could only describe as relief, relief in the warmth, the fullness, the completion you brought to each other.

Chan’s head fell forward with a whimper, chin resting against your shoulder, clinging to you so tightly that it was difficult to move. You weren’t even sure if he was aware of it, a subconscious desire to stay buried inside you, not wanting to lose the security of your walls wrapped around him for even a second.

“Missed you so much,” he slurred into your skin. “W-wanna stay like this forever.”

You reached back to cradle his head, running your fingers through his hair. “I missed you too, angel. Missed the way you fill me up so perfectly.”

You lifted yourself until just the head of his cock was left pulsing inside you. When you noticed Chan’s blissed out expression in the mirror—eyes fluttered shut, lips swollen against your shoulder, eyebrows knitted together—a golden opportunity presented itself. It took him a second or two to realize that you weren’t sliding back down, another soft plea rumbling in his throat, vibrating into your skin. You gave his scalp an affectionate scratch, prompting him to look. This time, he listened without question, driven solely by the need to feel your wet heat around him again.

“Good boy.” You took him back inside immediately, not keen on being apart for much longer, either. He gritted his teeth as you did, trying his best to keep his gaze leveled with his reflection for you, for your satisfaction, for your approval. But nothing could’ve prepared him for what came out of your mouth next. 

“See how perfect you look when you’re inside me, Channie? See all the pretty faces you make? My pretty baby, feeling so good. Making me feel so good.”

At that, the precious little that had remained of Chan’s composure fizzled out completely. His hands flew up to cover his face, hot with shame, burning with arousal. The filthy sight of him pushing in and out of you, the wet sounds filling his ears, the teasing lilt of your voice. It was all too much. He shoved his nose into his palms, letting out a cute, mortified wail that echoed throughout the bedroom, mixing with your breathless giggles. 

Even as you continued riding him, he stayed hidden behind the safety net of his fingers, shyness turned back up to full blast with no signs of disappearing. It only added to the pressure building up inside your abdomen to see him so overwhelmed, each muffled grunt and soft whimper of his spurring you on. Your words from earlier rang truer than ever—he was so weak for you.

You allowed him to stay that way for the sake of his sanity, petting his head with a gentleness that contrasted the steady pace of your bouncing. It wasn’t until you felt his cock begin to jerk inside you that he pulled his hands away from his face with a choked noise, reaching out for you once more.

“Can’t take it—mmph—‘m getting close! ‘M s-sorry!”

His fingers dug deep into your flesh, igniting heat at every point of contact. You basked in the feeling for as long as you could, then halted your movements altogether, pulling off of him in one fell swoop. The loss made both of your bodies cry out in protest. Chan hiccuped pathetically, mouth falling open, confused blinks reflecting in the mirror when your softness, your warmth, escaped him without warning.

He trembled underneath you, tugging at your waist as he tried to get a handle on his voice. With care, you turned in his lap to come face to face with him again, moving slowly enough as not to break his hold on you, not even for a moment.

“Did I…” he panted. “Did I do something wrong?”

You brushed your thumb over his forehead, wiping away the beads of sweat that had begun to accumulate. “No, baby. You’re doing so well for me,” you assured him. “But you wanna finish together, don’t you?”

It was almost funny, in a sense, how the way Chan’s face lit up—how his features flooded with pure delight—made your heart flutter more than anything else. More than any irresistible sound he let out, more than any way he let you use his body to your heart’s content. You were just as captivated, just as endeared, just as hopelessly taken with him as that night in May, walking home alongside him under the moonlight and knowing your fate was sealed.

“Y-yeah, together. Together, please.” He leaned forward, nose finding your neck, taking in your scent. “Can we stay like this? Wanna see you.”

Your hand found his length again, wrapping just tight enough around it to make him jolt. “Hm…you can see me in the mirror though, can’t you?”

“Please,” he repeated, pouty lips brushing against your skin. “Only wanna see you. Need you.”

You relented. Regardless of how badly you wanted to get the message across to him, regardless of how addictive you found the sight of him on display in ways you’d never seen before, you knew he’d just about reached his limit. And, well, maybe you needed him too. Needed to watch him fall apart right before your very eyes, needed to have every bit of your skin pressed against his, needed to kiss him when it all became too much for his foggy mind.

“You’re so cute. I’ve got you, baby.” You tilted his chin up with your free hand, half-lidded doe eyes finding yours. Knowing him, the eye contact wouldn’t last long before he was ducking away again. So, you took advantage of it, realigning him with you and watching his features flood with pleasure as you sank down on him once more. He had to stop himself from bucking up into you, body stiffening with effort, a breathy, grateful moan, nothing short of angelic, slipping past his lips.

“You’ve gotta hold on for a bit, alright?” You gave his shoulders a squeeze. “Let me know when you’re close. Can you do that for me, Channie?”

His arms wrapped around you in full, no longer content with just his hands on your waist. “Mhm.” He barely mustered up a nod, pulling himself closer to you in a way that burrowed his cock impossibly deeper inside. “Promise. W-wanna make you feel good, too. Wanna be a good boy for you.”

“My good boy,” you cooed. “See how well you fit inside me? See how good you make me feel?” You clenched around him as you dragged yourself up his length, snapping back down with a delicious speed. “You were made for me.”

“M-made for you,” he agreed, head falling forward to nestle into your chest. “Ah—fuck! You’re so warm. Feels s-so good.”

You dug your nails into his muscles, using your grip on him for leverage as you began working your way up to a pace even more vigorous than before. Immediately, the new angle took a toll on Chan. It allowed the head of his length to rub directly against your sweet spot with each rock of your hips, making the both of you shudder. You could feel his mouth fall open against you to let out an especially sharp cry, nibbling mindlessly at your flesh, matching your rhythm.

“Y-you’re mine, too, right? Gonna stay with me?” he babbled into your skin. “Please, tell me you’ll stay. I’ll be good for you. P-please.”

The coil in your chest twisted just as tight as the one in your abdomen. You knew his thoughts were muddled, ridding him of any filter and making him ramble in the heat of the moment. But you also knew it stemmed from a very real fear, one that you would never feed into again.

“You’re already so good for me, Channie. You’re perfect. My perfect boy,” you spoke as steadily as your erratic movements and shaky breath would allow, ensuring that each reassurance found him. “I’m not going anywhere, okay? I’m here ‘cause I love you.”

Chan whined, ringing out loud and clear even through the softness of your chest. “Love you. I love you so much.” He nuzzled further into you, strengthening his hold around you, hands pawing at your sides. The words seemed to have opened the floodgates within him, like he’d been waiting to hear them—the catalyst for him to lose himself in you completely. “Love you, love you, love you. ‘M almost th-there.”

This time, there was a short delay before you could bring yourself to stop. You didn’t want to let go of him again, no amount of time would be tolerable enough. So, you stayed perfectly still, indulging selfishly in the feeling of him inside you without snapping the final thread just yet. Chan lifted his head, disoriented, biting down on his bottom lip to fight back a pathetic groan as his climax was denied once more. You could feel his thighs quivering under yours, his arms flexing around you, his cock twitching wildly against your walls. Every bit of his energy was being expended to hold himself together, to endure it however many times you saw fit.

“You’re doing so well, baby boy. Lasting so long for me.” You twirled a lock of his damp curls around your finger, hoping to keep him grounded enough to hang on just a bit more.

“Y-yeah? ‘M doing okay?” He brushed his nose against yours, a silent plea that you understood all too well by now. “Making you feel good?”

“So good, Channie. I’m getting close, too.” You closed the gap between you and him before his wordless request became another whine, taking his swollen lips between yours. They were hot, pillowy, unbelievably wet. You tried your best not to flutter around him, but it was impossible not to when he was humming so eagerly into your mouth, kissing without an ounce of self-control left in his system. His movements were sloppy, uncoordinated, but each messy slide of his lips sent another jolt through your senses. The hug he’d enveloped you in loosened at last, hands wandering obsessively over your body until he found your chest. He paused for a moment, mumbling out something that made drool drip from the corner of his mouth.

“Mmph, c-can I? Wanna touch, please.”

Even now, he was clinging to the last few shreds of his rationality for you, thinking of you above all else when the promise of his climax was dangling right in front of his face. It took the arousal coursing through your veins to a whole new degree, so intensely that you had to stop yourself from sinking your teeth into his lips out of raw affection. 

“Go ahead, baby,” you murmured.

Chan cupped the soft flesh in an instant, sighing like he was slipping into a dream. His kisses became near-frantic, so drunk on you that he had trouble staying confined to just your lips, landing on the corner of your mouth, all over your cheeks, pecking and sucking any spot he could. Despite that, his hands were gentle, kneading at your flesh in a delicate back and forth pattern that calmed him and kindled a fresh warmth in your body. He was doing so well for you, trying his absolute best for you. You wanted to give him everything. You wanted to take his heart that he offered up to you so willingly, and give him yours in return.

“Ready to keep going, Channie? Can you take it?”

“Y-yeah. Yes, please,” he breathed. “Gonna do it for you. I’ll do anything.”

“My sweet boy.” You cupped his cheeks, steadying his clumsy kisses, but holding him just close enough to keep him content. He hissed softly as you began moving again, rolling your hips down so that his length grinded against your walls, stimulating every nerve-ending inside you. The heat building between your bodies became much harder to ignore, filling the air around you and seeping into your skin. It was heavy, thick, but it made you feel lighter than ever. Your high was drawing near, and, judging by the way Chan’s hips stuttered with less and less restraint, you knew he wouldn’t be able to hold back for much longer either.

The pads of his fingers dug into your breasts just as he let out a warning moan. “Oh God, ‘m sorry. Please, don’t wanna finish without you. So—ngh—close.”

You grinded down against him, spine tingling when Chan yelped in response, so sharp it almost sounded like he was in pain. “Mm, just a little more, baby boy. You can do that for me, can’t you?”

“I-I…oh, please,” he swallowed hard, eyebrows scrunching together as you dragged yourself all the way up his length, mind-numbingly slow. “Yeah, I can do it. I’ll be g-good.”

Your hands traveled up to his hair, tangling in his curls and pulling at them just hard enough to make goosebumps rise at his nape. “Channie listens so well,” you purred. “You were made to please, hm? Good boy, good boy.”

If your honeyed praises weren’t enough to push him alarmingly close to the edge, the way you squeezed around him as you sank back down, wrapping him in your heat all the way to his base surely was. Chan surged forward with a sob, head falling into your shoulder, fingers grasping at you helplessly.

“Your good boy,” he whimpered. “Please, please, ‘m not gonna l-last.”

You cradled the back of his head. “It’s too much, huh angel?” you pouted. “You can let it all out, now.”

“Together?” You could hear the strain in his voice, mere seconds away from losing it completely. “Together—ah—right?”

“Together.”

At that, you gave one last sloppy glide along his length, snapping the tension in both of you at once. Chan cried out, teeth grazing against your shoulder, hips surging up to push as far into you as your bodies would allow. A delicious heat seared through your senses, only amplified by the flood of his release coating your insides, stronger than ever from how long he’d been holding back. You tried to keep your own sounds under control, far more entranced by the ones slipping from his trembling lips. Mewls of your name, slurring out how much he loved you, chanting his gratitude like a mantra as you guided him through your shared high.

Minutes or hours could’ve passed and you wouldn’t have known the difference—you wouldn’t have minded either way. Eventually, the shivers in Chan’s body faded out, his panting evened into softer, more peaceful breaths. When he finally found it in him to pull his head from the comfort of your neck, droplets had begun to form in his eyes again. Not enough to spill down his cheeks quite yet, just enough to glaze his pupils over with happy tears, just enough to make them shine.

Your fingers danced absentmindedly in his hair, serving as a different pleasure from the kind that had just rocked your bodies. “You did so well for me, Channie. I’m proud of you.”

He blinked up at you. Slow, lazy, a dreamy smile tugging at his lips. “You’re s’ beautiful.”

“Sweet baby,” you murmured. “I hope you think the same when you see yourself.”

Anything he planned to say trailed off when you reached down for his hand, bringing it up to your lips. He was still buried deep inside you, hypersensitive to every little movement, every little touch, but he did his best not to squirm as you pressed kisses to his fingertips, paying extra attention to the fading cut on his thumb. The pain was long gone, now. Still, it made a few glistening tears trickle out delicately. You kissed them away, too.

“You’re still my favorite reflection.”

Shy, barely audible, but spoken with all the sincerity in the world. Butterflies erupted in your stomach. It was a start, at least. Maybe the parts of yourselves that you loved in each other, you could eventually come to love in yourselves.

“Can we—?”

“Stay like this?” you finished for him, a smile creeping up on your lips. “Yeah, we can.”

He bumped his forehead against yours, letting out an exhausted giggle, eyes crinkling and dimples flashing. He was glazed with sweat, skin sticky, damp curls pressed to his forehead, but he shone with every ray of light that slipped through your blinds.

The urge to check on him, to fuss over him, to care for him, still nagged at your mind. That was something that would never change. You wanted to clean him up, wash away the soreness and soothe the marks all over his body. But he didn’t need any of that right now. He just needed you. That was it. From day one, it had been as simple as that. You didn’t need to do anything. You didn’t need to prove anything. You just needed each other. Maybe, you could stay wrapped up in the mess you’d left on each other’s bodies for a while—bask in it, even. 

Chan’s innocent nuzzles inevitably led to another kiss. Soft, but just as hungry for you, just as desperate to stay immersed in this moment. You shifted slightly on his lap, making your heart jump and making him jolt against you. The poorly concealed sound that built up in his throat might’ve made you giggle if you didn’t need him just as much. No more limits. No more restraint. You didn’t have to worry about taking him in moderation.

You wanted each other endlessly. You fell into each other again and again.

。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。

A sudden buzz against your nightstand cut through the tranquil rhythm of breath that filled your bedroom, pulling you from the haze of sleep that had been pricking at your mind’s edges. It was a brief, low vibration, but still loud enough for you to worry that it may wake the boy in your arms. For once, you allowed yourself to be unavailable, not daring to disturb his peace for even a moment to roll over and read the notification. You already had a good idea of who it might be, anyway: Changbin, triple checking what time you’d all be meeting up for jjajangmyeon on Friday. The thought alone made fondness bubble up inside you, lips curling into a private smile. After four years of tardiness, absences, and missed deadlines throughout his academic career, this was the one thing he was determined to be on time for.

Graduation was two days away. You and Changbin’s class ceremony would take place in the early morning, while Chan’s was scheduled for later that same night. Timed seamlessly with the rise of the sun and the moon. The finish line that you’d been terrified of for so long was a mere few steps away, but when viewed up close, it wasn’t quite so daunting anymore. Even if the path you walked next was still unfamiliar, uncarved by anyone before you to clear the way, you knew who you’d be walking it with, and you knew where it would lead you. You’d walk side by side with Chan, towards something better.

His family had flown in from Australia earlier in the week to visit, to attend his ceremony—to celebrate him. An occasion that was just as precious to them even with the bitter memories that surrounded it, even in its delay, even if Chan had spent the past two years of his life convincing himself otherwise. He’d been a nervous wreck before leaving to meet with them when they first arrived, you could see it in every awkward shift of his feet, every subconscious rub of his neck, every unnecessary adjustment of his clothes. However much you’d tried to comfort him beforehand, however many grateful smiles he’d given you, you’d known that there was no real way to ease his apprehension. He hadn’t seen them in person for over a year, and, even prior to that, it’d been two years since he’d had an interaction with them that wasn’t engulfed in shame.

But when he’d returned, he had a smile that almost reached his eyes; hopeful. It hadn’t been perfect, everything wasn’t okay yet, but the seed had at least been planted for it to blossom one day. He’d missed them so much. It made your heart sing and ache at the same time. You only wished that he’d believed he deserved to see them before now—to stand in front of them as the son and brother that they loved, not as the collection of faults and disappointments he saw himself as. 

Though, you supposed you weren’t exactly one to talk. Your family would be coming into the city on the day of your ceremony as well, a very blatant reminder that you had yet to visit your hometown again like you’d promised them over the summer.

You weren’t quite ready to return yet. But just like Chan, you would be, one day. And you would try again. Of all the things you’d come to learn in your time with him, the value of upholding a promise was undoubtedly the most important one. You weren’t going to run. You would try as many times as it took until your home felt like home again, until you remembered all the good times, until the memories laced in every crack and crevice didn’t add to the sting in your skin, but eased it. 

You eyed Chan’s form through the darkness, nestled against you with his head buried in the softness of your chest—sound asleep, for once. 

Your arm was still draped over his waist, lingering at the small of his back where you’d been rubbing as he drifted off. In turn, his muscular arm was wrapped securely around you. Holding each other, protecting each other. An endless cycle of drawing strength from one another without growing any weaker in the process. You could give him everything, and not lose a single drop of yourself.

For the first time, you could hold someone in your arms without that underlying sense of dread spreading its roots in your mind. For the first time, your heart was still. A calm and clear surface of a lake, one that you hoped could reflect Chan’s light in its truest, most unbroken form.

You were no longer held together by a butterfly bandage, an ill-fitted adhesive, forcibly closing your wounds without giving them the chance to heal properly. At last, you were stitched up. Stitched up by the very same thread of fate that had brought you and Chan together. 

You didn’t have to ask to know that he felt the same. You could feel his emotions like they were your own, after all.

#bang chan x reader #skz x reader #bang chan angst #bang chan smut #skz smut #sub!bang chan #sub!skz #stray kids x reader #dom!reader #skz angst #bang chan fanfic #skz fanfic #sub!chan #bang chan x you #skz x you #skz imagines #bang chan imagines

[kevcanwait]

I was suddenly inspired by this one clip of a female idol (I don't remember who [Found out it was Yeji]) that's been on my mind for some reason where she's wearing cargo pants i think with 'g-string' straps and the comments were saying that they were attached to the pants. I'm bad at describing things but basically I couldn't stop thinking about how those straps would look on the boys but I was mainly thinking of Chan.

I just think...Maybe you and Chan had been in some sort of relationship for a while and you gifted him a guys thong as a joke since you guys have settled into a comfortable relationship and like to joke with each other.

I don't know what else to say. 😅 This was a spur of the moment thought. (This turned out to be a one shot) Tags: Male reader, suggestive at the end, subby chan, "you" are younger then Chan, you/your pronouns.

It was a joke, saying he might look good in it but he didn't actually have to try it but one day, you were cleaning the dorm and found a random flash drive. You walked to Chan's room to see if it was his but were pleasantly surprised to see not just him quickly pulling down his shirt to hide something but the quick glimpse of a familiar white and red adorned to his hips.

You walk over to him, kicking the door closed, and placed your hands on his waist as he play innocent and asked what you needed. The drive and original train of thought you had left as soon as you saw it, you ignore Chan and glide your hands down his torso, feeling him shiver as his knees almost go weak and his hands fly to hold your forearms as his breathing becomes shallow while he watches your every move.

You take a moment to appreciate and look over his outfit, for once he's wearing something other than black, dark khakis and your white baggy shirt with a crudely drawn derpy cat with a middle finger. Your eyes catch on his hips and your hands proceed to scrunch the shirt in your fists that rest above his hips.

A small, barely audible gasp escapes you as you examine the fabric on his hips. They were from the brand Loverboy, the red band was purposefully pulled further up on the sides to be seen, taking the same path as his v-line into his pants. "J-Jagi?" Chan stutters out, feeling the same small feeling whenever he's under your roaming gaze. "Is it...bad?" Your eyes shoot up to his, noticing the sheepish look in his eyes before leaning forward, hands dropping the shirt in favor of feeling Chan's skin under your palms as you lead into a feverish kiss, immediately turning your kiss of reassurance into the start of a make out session.

You hum when his one of his hands find purchase at the back of your neck, gripping your hair to pull you closer as he relaxes in your hold while the other rests lazily on your pec, fisting the material of your top as he lets go and his worry melts away. Your hands slide to his hips and your thumb rubs back and forth on his skin and where the edge of the band ends. Tilting your head slightly to the left, you deepen the kiss, pulling him in closer, his hand on your chest sliding up to rest on your shoulder and the other moving from your hair to your jaw.

You loved it when he was relaxed, wether it be at the mercy of your hands in bed or cuddling on the couch while a movie you two lost interest in a while ago plays in the background as you just stare at each other. You know how much work he does and when he's relaxed, you're relaxed.

A small whine escapes from his mouth into yours, a sign that says he needs air but doesn't want to pull away, he never wants to pull away, so you do what you always do and pull away first but not too far, Chan doesn't like you being too far away.

The both of you pant, taking small gasps of air that you both can feel blow on your lips as you catch your breath. "D-Do you...Like me...wearing them?" He asks with a small voice between gasps of air. "Do I ever." You replied with the same tone, hands sliding out from under his shirt to behind him, squatting down slightly as you grip his thighs below his ass before picking him up effortlessly, a small protest with a yelp comes from Chan before he settles with his legs around your waist and arms holding a bit tighter around your neck as your hands settle on his ass.

"I might just get you more, Hyung." Chan blushes, hiding his burning face in your neck like he always does when he realizes just how pliant he gets from his dongsaeng, his group member, but most importantly his boyfriend.

You carry him over to the bed, carefully, albeit a little roughly, putting him on the bed. The shirt riding up slightly and Chan goes to fix it before you grab his hands and move to lightly pin them next to his head, eyes once again trailing along his hips, looking at sight of the bands next to his v-line and repeatedly trailing the straps down to his waistband a couple times before bringing your gaze back to his eyes that have started to glaze over with anticipation and excitement.

You lean down, kissing him again before forcing your tongue between his plush red lips, he immediately opens them, and swiping your tongue over his before pulling back, his eyes now glazed with need and desire for more as you smile, one hand untangling from his to bring it up and lift his chin slightly with your pointer finger while your thumb rubs his red, spit covered, plush bottom lip.

"Don't worry, Hyung, I'll treat you with more if you like them so much. At the moment, let your dongsaeng treat you to something else." You smirk when he whines, head softly falling back as his body fully relaxed, his body at your mercy as you lean back down, relinking your hand with his as you kiss him again and your tongue tangles with his and claims it as yours.

Did...Did I just write a suggestive drabble? With a coherent plot? that also kinda turned me on again too? I kinda also want to do scenarios of how reader reacts to the other members but that might be too much for me.

I'm really proud of this. I'm also trying to get into writing for you, the reader, more often cause my character inserts aren't getting much love and I have an experimental theory that Male readers are a more popular read than character inserts. That's my own theory though.

What's a bit funny is that I thought of this while rereading @moonlightndaydreams Skz Family fic 😂 kind of unrelated but it's put me in a sort of mood that has me wanting to finish "More than Group Mates"

I'm sorry my first series ever hasn't been updated much, haven't really been in the mood to write smut or anything at all. I guess if I just type out my thoughts, the actions and scenes and what's happening come to me and my writers block is gone.

Anyway, I hope you like this. I do.

Okay bye. ✌🏼

#bleh #random #my brain is weird #straykids #stray kids #bang chan #wooo 🥳 #bang chan x male reader #stray kids x male reader #x male reader #drabble #one shot #bored #tired #lazy day #sub!idol #sub!bang chan #top!reader #dom!reader

[4nsthings]

I like to watch the versatility in Chris cuz one time he looks tiny and soft boy

and then boom daddy Dom vibe

#bang chan #stray kids #stray kids bang chan #skz bang chan #bang chris #bang chan smut #skz bangchan #bangchan hot #bang christopher chan #bang chan hard thoughts #chris smut #chan smut #sub!bang chan #dom!bang chan #versatile bangchan