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junkdrawerfics · 5 months

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Gonna ask me to dance, Cowboy?

Jasper Hale X Reader

Summary: Reader was in an accident that damaged her spinal cord and left her temporarily wheelchair bound. It's during this time that the Cullens move to Forks, and she meets and falls in love with Jasper. A little bit of your story, wrapped up with a big surprise at the end. Requested by @twilightlover2007

Words: 2457

Note: Obviously went with Jasper and boy did this take on a life of its own! I hope you like it!!! It's a little cheesy, but that's what I like.

Disclaimer: I have limited knowledge of temporary paralysis and life with a wheelchair. If I'm wrong about anything, please let me know!

---

The accident happened before the Cullens moved to Forks. You don’t remember much of it, which the doctor says can be common given the head trauma you experienced. All you know is that you were driving home from a game and a drunk driver decided not to stop at the red light.

The accident left you with some severe damage to your spinal cord. Not irreversible, but enough to strand you in a wheelchair. It took almost two months alone for the fractures in your leg to heal, and then another to find a good physical therapist in Seattle who could work with you.

In the midst of this, the Cullens showed up. And you fell for Jasper like a newborn fawn trying to walk for the first time. A fitting comparison considering your legs worked just as well.

Your friends thought you were crazy. Afterall, he was the least…approachable of the group. Always frowning. Not at all talkative. Everyone thought he was a bit of a grouch. But you knew better.

You met the real Jasper the first Friday after they arrived. It was another game day, meaning your little high school was going all out cheering for the team throughout the day (even though everyone knew you didn’t stand a fighting chance).

You were making your way to the pep rally at the end of the day when someone jostled you from behind, sending your wheelchair right over the sidewalk’s ledge and into the grass. You cursed the school’s outdoor hallways so hard that day. It was raining, as it always was, and the moment your wheels hit the ground, you could feel them sink into the mud.

You were effectively trapped.

Or at least, you thought you were. Until a certain blond appeared out of nowhere.

---

“Are you alright, miss?”

You huff out a laugh, trying to keep a smile despite it all, “Yah, yes, I’m okay. Just a little stu-”

When you look up, the words get stuck in your throat. Jasper Hale. Jasper Hale is standing right in front of you, in the rain, hair already sticking to his face, and despite the concern dripping from his features, you can’t help but notice how absolutely gorgeous he is. How did you not notice before?

Before you can stop yourself, the thoughts spill out of your mouth, “Wow, you’re really pretty.”

Shock flickers across the blond’s face, though it’s quickly replaced by a soft smirk that makes his eyes crinkle just a little, somehow making him look more attractive. You blink. And blink. And blink. Until what you said finally sinks in.

Your face goes impossibly red.

“I am so sorry,” you squeak, eyes wide. His smile only widens when you continue to sputter, “I’m fine! Really. And um, I, you can, you don’t have to worry! I’ll just-”

You try to push yourself forward, anything to escape this moment, but your wheels just spin futilely in the mud. You’re not going anywhere, not without help, and Jasper seems to know that, his gold eyes glinting with amusement. You purse your lips, face only going darker.

“Would you like help, darlin’?” Jasper asks, voice low and honey-like, and wow - it seems so unfair for someone to look so handsome and sound like that too.

You cast him an embarrassed smile, “Yes please. If you really don’t mind, that is.”

The blond chuckles, the sound making your heart flutter. He makes it look effortless, the way he maneuvers you out of the grass and back onto the hallway sidewalk. You hum happily when you’re back on solid ground, wheeling back and forth a bit to dislodge the mud from your rims.

“That’s better,” you sigh, spinning back to face him, “Thank you so much.”

Jasper nods, “It was my pleasure, miss.”

You roll your eyes playfully, “Please, call me (Y/n). (Y/n) (L/n). Miss makes me feel so old, and I’m like, a hundred percent sure you’re older than me.”

Something flickers behind his eyes, but it disappears as quickly as it came.

“Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Miss (Y/n).” You narrow your eyes, but he only grins a little teasingly, which you refuse to admit makes your pulse race even more. “The name’s Jasper Hale.”

“Nice to meet you too, Jasper.” Officially at least.

“I suppose you were headin’ to the rally?”

Your nose scrunches,“Yep. Before the impromptu shower, at least.”

“Would y’mind if I accompany you?”

Blinking, you glance up at him in surprise. Jasper just looks down at you, face still set in a charming, calm smile, so different from the scowl you’d grown accustomed to in passing. He’s being genuine. Actually genuine. It makes your face go warm all over again.

“I think I’d like that.”

---

You don’t know what possessed Jasper Hale to help you that day, but he did.

From then on, you and Jasper became friends. He was still a bit odd, but his whole family was. And you liked them. Even Rosalie, whose bluntness was refreshing compared to most of the girls at your school. You befriended all of them, but you and Jasper were particularly close.

Falling for him was easy. Between the soft smile he seemed to reserve only for you and the way he always supported you, how could you not? You realized it after a particular hard day of physical therapy, when your legs were aching and it felt like you were making absolutely no progress. It was a day that Jasper offered to pick you up because your dad had to work late.

---

Jasper can tell you’re upset before he even reaches you.

You sit at the entrance to the rehab center, head ducked, fingers fidgeting in your lap. You see Jasper’s shoes first before he’s kneeling in front of you, honey eyes dark with concern as they flicker over your features. You look back at him, eyes blurry with unshed tears.

The blond’s gaze softens, “Oh, darlin’.”

And you break.

All the pent up frustration and guilt you’ve been holding onto comes pouring out. You manage to stay quiet, barely, but your whole body trembles with your tears as you collapse forward into Jasper’s arms. He holds you close, not saying a word, just humming softly into your hair.

The longer you stay like that, the calmer you feel. It’s like magic, the storm of your emotions calming to a dull roar, until you can take in a few deep breaths

It’s only when your hiccuping goes quiet that he draws you back, eyes scanning you again. You glance down, feeling too raw, too vulnerable like this, with his thoughtful gaze burning over you. But you also feel undeniably safe somehow.

“You’re doin’ so well, darlin,” he eventually murmurs, voice low, soothing your frayed edges. “I know you’ve been hurtin’ and you’re feelin’ like giving up, but we’re all so proud of you. Someday you’ll be back on your feet and I’ll be here ‘til that day comes. And long after it.”

It’s the most you think you’ve ever heard him say at once. His words ring with something so genuine, you can’t help but melt.

“Thanks, Jasper.”

“Always, darlin.”

---

It felt like more than a promise about that day. More than just a friend being there for another friend. And it was the moment you realized you really liked Jasper Hale.

It was only a matter of time before you learned about his world.

None of them told you, of course. They couldn’t. But the truth was hard to deny when a lone vampire came through Forks and almost killed you.

You knew it was a bad idea to go out by yourself. Even though your legs were getting stronger from your perseverance in physical therapy, you still couldn’t walk by yourself. Which made you quite the easy target.

Luckily, Jasper was just in time to save you.

After the shock, though, came all your questions. Why did that man try to bite you? How did Jasper throw him all the way down the alley? How did he know where to find you and that you were in trouble?

A silently distraught Jasper ended up taking you back to the Cullen house. The air was tense, except for Alice, who was more than excited. She foresaw it all, of course.

Carlisle explained it all to you as Jasper paced off to the side. A scowl lingered on his lips, his eyes set on something distant. The moment you felt a flicker of panic though, he was there, kneeling at your side, smoothing a hand over your shoulder. You covered his with your own, holding on so tightly that if he were human, he'd probably be hissing in pain. You had a good grip strength from wheeling around for a few months.

It took time to settle into this new reality. Jasper gave you space to process, scared to push you too hard, but you wouldn’t have it. Vampire or not, you couldn’t stand the distance. You hadn’t realized just how ingrained he was in your life until then. Whenever something happened, no matter how small it was, you wanted to rush to him and tell him everything. You hated life without him.

So you ended up asking him out.

Dating came as naturally as breathing. Nothing changed. He still drove you to physical therapy and walked you to all of your classes. Only now, he would press a kiss to your forehead when you parted ways and take you on dates after every p.t. appointment.

You had never been happier.

That’s when you came up with an idea for the upcoming school formal.

---

“You ready, darlin?” Jasper pauses at your side of the car, wheelchair pulled out and set up behind him.

You grin, squashing the nerves buzzing in your chest before he can sense them, “Yes! Now help me out of here, mister.”

The blond chuckles. He helps you down from the car, touch overwhelmingly tender, as if he’s scared of breaking you. Which, you suppose, he could. You settle into your wheelchair with practiced ease, your dress only causing a little trouble.

The night starts off perfectly. You take your pictures and meet up with his siblings inside the venue. Everything is beautiful. As usual, Forks high went all out with the theme. It’s something cheesy, like ‘a night under the stars’, everything draped in a deep navy blue, the ceiling decorated with shimmering stars.

When the dancing starts, you give Alice the cue. She sends you a little wink before dashing off to the dj booth. You catch Edward grinning out of the corner of your eye. It was impossible to keep him out of it, what with the whole mind reading thing, so you just shoot the man a playful glare. He stifles a chuckle, making an excuse to go get some punch, despite the fact he can’t drink it.

Sighing softly, you steel your nerves, spinning back to your boyfriend.

“Hey,” you call, catching the cuff of his suit.

Jasper’s eyes turn to you, and oh, wow, you’ll never get used to that. The way he looks at you, it’s like you’re one of the stars decorating the night. His eyes glow with an overwhelming warmth and something so so fond. All of a sudden it feels like you’re the only two in the room, everything else fading away.

“Yes, darlin?”He hums, slipping your hand into his to brush his thumb over your knuckles.

The touch sends sparks cascading over your skin, settling in your chest among the wild butterflies. You bite your lip to try and hold back a massive smile.

“You gonna ask me to dance, cowboy?” You tease.

A smirk pulls at the corner of his mouth.

Jasper makes a show of pretending to tip a hat, voice bright with amusement, “My apologies ma’am. I shouldn’t have kept you waitin’.”

“Mmm, I’ll forgive you,” you hum, biting back a laugh, “just this once, Mister Hale.”

“That’s very kind of you, darlin. Now, would you give me the pleasure of escortin’ you to the dance floor?”

“Why, of course.”

Jasper figures he’ll hold you up as you dance, or maybe spin you while you sit. Anything you want.

Except you do neither of those things. Instead, you gather every ounce of your strength, and shakily push yourself to your feet. Your wheelchair disappears (thank you Alice) and you stand there, all on your own.

After a few seconds, you’re certain that your legs won’t give out, and glance up at the blond expectantly.

Jasper stares back at you, eyes wide, brows arched. It almost looks like he’s forgotten to breathe, his whole body rigid. Shocked. Your grin finally breaks loose, so wide it makes your cheeks ache. Squeezing his hand, you take a tentative step closer. A little wobbly, but you stay standing. It’s only one step, but -

You’re walking.

In an instant, Jasper’s hands are cupping your face, and it’s only then you realize you’re crying. Tears race down around your smile and he’s quick to wipe them away, drawing you close so he can rest your foreheads together.

“My Lord, darlin-” He lets out a breathless laugh. “-you’re goin’ t’make this old man’s heart start again.”

You giggle, curling your arms around his neck, “I wanted to surprise you.”

“Been a long time since I’ve been surprised.”

“But I did?”

“Yes, you certainly did.”

Jasper leans down, pressing his lips to yours. It’s soft, featherlight, and you feel like you’re floating. It’s perfect. Everything about it is perfect and so much better than you expected.

The vampire pulls back, just enough to whisper against your lips, “You’re amazin’ darlin. Absolutely amazin’.”

“I couldn’t have done it without you,” you hum back, “Now, dance with me, cowboy.”

Your song comes on. The one you first danced with Jasper to in your kitchen, when he set you on his feet and held you close to support your weight. A knowing grin falls across his lips, his eyes creasing as he looks down at you.

“It would be my pleasure.”

Unlike that first time, you don’t have to stand on his feet. You don’t even have to clutch onto him to stay upright. Instead, you rest your hands on his shoulders, and Jasper traces his along your waist. The two of you move together slowly, perfectly.

By the end of it, you’re leaning against him, head tucked under his chin, just soaking in the feeling of his arms around you, his lips pressed to the crown of your head. Your legs are shaking, but you don’t care.

This is everything you could ever ask for.

---

I had fun writing this!! It came really clearly for me, though it ended up being a lot longer than I thought because I wanted to add so much exposition.

#reader insert #x reader #reader #jasper hale #jasper whitlock #twilight saga #twilight #jasper hale x reader #jasper x reader #jasper whitlock x reader #sorry for any mistakes #correct me if i'm wrong

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ode2rin · 1 year

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can you see right through me?

pairing. mikage reo x gn!reader

genre. fluffy fluff | pro-athlete!reo | established relationship | reo spoiling you (i mean it’s reo) | a light angst if you squint hard !!

in which: you see more behind reo’s gift-giving love language

“hey, love! look what i got!” reo called out, as soon as he entered the apartment.

no “i’m home” in a sing-song voice or “baby, where are you?” in a needy whine, like he usually does. instead, he was grinning - full on beaming, actually. it was evident how his voice sounded so excited, like he was dying to show you whatever he brought home.

you peered out from the kitchen to look at your beaming boyfriend. and literally, you felt your jaw drop from the sight of your lover carrying what seemed like a hundred amount of shopping bags in his toned arms. you bet it was heavy, as the veins in his arms were slightly popping.

reo had said he was going out to pick up a “few things” on the way home. these are totally not a few things. you knew reo had a habit of going overboard when it came to shopping. but this one, this one was an extreme shopping spree. he was practically bouncing with excitement as he showed you everything.

he began to rummage through the bags, pulling out various items with each sentence he spoke. you could see the excitement in his eyes, as he showed off his purchases. he held up a beautiful dress, admiring its design, “look at this, baby! the shop attendant said this one just came in and only two people have this in japan, can you believe that? well, i got the third one! i thought how good it would look on you then got it -” he paused for a moment, looking at you with an impish grin, “- i mean, i got it for you, my love.”

reo then pulled out a box of skincare products, “and look at these! i remembered you were running out of these last night, so i got a few for you. the salesperson said they're the only stocks they've got, so i had to get them all!”

reo then held up a pair of shoes, “oh, and these! i saw them and thought, ‘that’s the perfect pair for my love!’” he twirled them around. “and this one’s my favorite!” he exclaimed, holding up a beautiful necklace, “the color of the gems complement your skin so good! maybe let’s go out tomorrow, and try if you’ll like this? what do you think, love?”

he was rambling on and on, his excitement infectious. you couldn't help but smile at his enthusiasm, even as you struggled to process everything he was saying. clothes, jewelry, shoes, skincare, and are those freaking boxes of limited edition nespresso capsules?

before you could even answer, reo's eyes widened as he suddenly remembered something else he had to show you. “oh! and i got us tickets to the premiere showing of the movie you told me about! i was hoping we could go? to make up for the movie night i missed.”

ah. now, you have an idea what this is all about.

reo and you have a weekly movie night, it started when you first moved in with him. it’s a tradition that you both cherish, a small but meaningful way to unwind and connect amidst the chaos of daily life. a tradition in your relationship that you both look forward to as it’s your sweet escape from the grueling responsibilities that comes with adulthood. it was nothing grand, it’s just you and reo, getting cozy on the couch of your shared abode, surrounded by pillows and blankets. sometimes he’ll pick out the movie, most of the time, he gives you the power to it. regardless of who picks the movie, you both lose yourselves in the story, laughing and crying and feeling all the emotions that the characters are experiencing. you share thoughts and opinions, discussing the plot twists and character arcs, and sometimes even acting out your favorite scenes together.

it’s a simple tradition, but it’s one that brings you both so much joy. and that’s why, when reo missed movie night 2 nights ago because of practice running late, he felt like he had let you down.

when he came home later that night, it was well past midnight and you had long since fallen asleep on the couch, the remnants of your popcorn and half-finished drinks still on the coffee table. but as he tiptoed in, trying not to wake you, he couldn't help but notice the soggy popcorn and feel a pang of guilt for missing your movie night. the morning after, he woke up early and was all over you, showering you with kisses and apologies for being late. you held him through it, playing with his hair and telling him that it was no big deal, that you understood how important his career was to him.

looking at it now, perhaps the assurance you gave was a bit insufficient to ease reo’s guilt to say the least. determined to lift off what he might be feeling, you turned off the stove and went to where your boyfriend was. he looked at you curiously as you cupped his face in your hands.

“thank you for being so thoughtful and buying me these, reo. i appreciate all of this baby, i do. but i know you. so spill my love, what is this all about, hmm?” you asked, staring at him, with a small smile as you let out a hum.

from then and there, reo felt like you’d seen right through him.

you’re right. reo, missing the movie night, lingered through his thoughts far longer than it should be. you said it was fine, so it should be fine for reo. except that it’s not.

a few moons ago, reo’s life was all easy they come, easy they go. it was the upside of being born into privilege. but when he chose to chart his own course, everything changed. nothing came easy anymore. he had to prove his existence to earn the things that mattered most. the soccer career that made him a star, and the love of his life - you, who brought him a happiness he never knew existed - he could only live this life because he proved himself worthy.

but what they don’t tell you about constantly proving your worth is how restless you grow at the slightest possibility of losing everything you've worked for.

reo felt that he had to make it up to you because he fears the notion that his one mistake could be the beginning of a pattern, a repetition of his rich yet absent parents' reckless lifestyle filled with empty apologies and unfulfilled promises. the weight of this realization petrified him, leaving him with a burning desire to make it up to you. so he did, in the only way he knew best - shower you with gifts.

and that basically sums up how reo went to an all out shopping spree. in his defense, he was only supposed to buy the skincare you ran out of. grab then leave, that was the plan. but things at the mall definitely escalated as reo passed by a designer boutique. before he knew it, he was walking out with shopping bags overflowing with designer clothes, shoes, and accessories.

apparently, your perceptive eyes caught on to this. at first, you thought it was just another day of reo being him, with his fondness of giving you gifts. but at the mention of the movie tickets, his scheme gave him away. and now he’s here, standing before you, face held by your soft hands.

reo couldn't bring himself to meet your eyes, so he focused on the marbled floor beneath his feet. “i...i wanted to make it up to you for missing movie night,” he stammered. “i know you said it was okay, but it wasn't okay for me. i feel like i let you down.” he struggled to articulate the knot of insecurity that had been building inside him since he missed the date. he struggled to tell you how it felt like a crack in the foundation of your relationship, and how terrified he was that it would widen into an irreparable chasm. “i’m sorry,” he said finally, his voice barely above a whisper. “i just wanted to show you how determined i am to make it up to you.”

your eyes softened as you took in his words. your hands instinctively reached up to gently brush away the hair covering his eyes. his big purple eyes that you love so much. it was one of the many few things that made you fall in love with him. you couldn't help but be drawn in by the deep purple hue of his eyes, so full of confidence and power when he was on the field, yet so tender and vulnerable in your presence.

“i must have been a superhero in my past life to be loved by someone like you, my sweet reo..” you chuckled at the cheesiest of the thought. he smiled at the sound of your laughter.

it was true though. he was charming, attentive, thoughtful, a gentleman through and through. he was everything and more. so to say that you were lucky to have him was the understatement of the century. it was as if having the moon and the stars align just for you, as if fate smiled at your direction. to be loved by someone like reo mikage was like being wrapped in a warm blanket of security, knowing that even the slightest misstep could cause him to worry about losing you. but it was that very worry that proved just how much he cherished your love, like a precious treasure that he held in the palm of his hand. who could ever leave someone like that? a fool, that’s who.

you leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to his forehead, your hand still caressing his cheek. then you pressed a kiss to his left cheek, on to his right, and finally to his lips. as you leaned in and brushed your lips against each of his features, a softness washed over you, the warmth of your affection for him filling every inch of your being. “i know that you felt bad, love. but you do know that i love you, right?” you murmured against his lips, “and missing our movie night doesn’t change a thing about that, baby. i love you for who you are, reo. not for what you do.”

as your words sunk in, reo felt like you had seen right through him. for so long, he had believed that his worth was tied to what he could offer, but you had shown him that he could be loved simply for being himself. the weight of that realization lifted from his shoulders, and he felt a rush of warmth spread through his body.

“how could you say things like that and expect me not to do everything for you?” he whispered, the love in his heart for you growing even stronger.

but you just smiled at him, your eyes filled with a tenderness that made his heart skip a beat. “i don't expect anything from you, my love,” you said softly. “just come home to me, and we'll figure everything out together.”

“that, i can promise to do everyday.”

in this home, he could just be reo, no longer compelled to prove his worth or live in fear of losing everything he had worked for. with you, he was enough.

“i’m sure you do.”

who could ever leave someone like reo mikage? a fool, that’s who. but who could stay? without a doubt, you could.

as you both settled into your evening skincare routine later that night, with no traces of any heaviness from what happened earlier, reo turned towards your side of the sink and asked, "can we still go to that premiere, love?" his eyes twinkled with excitement.

“only if you promise that you won’t do this again. baby, this is a lot! and that moisturizer, you brought enough to last me for months! what were you thinking?!” you exclaim, holding up the said moisturizer.

reo chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. "i guess i got a little carried away."

“you definitely did. the amount of paper bags i had to fold was insane. if you’re hiding more, i would really smack you. i swear, reo mikage.”

reo gives you a mischievous grin, his eyes shining with amusement. "oh, i wouldn't dream of hiding anything from you, love." but he can't help but feel a twinge of guilt as he remembers the other bags he left in the car. no need to mention it now though. he'll just have to sneak out later and grab them when you're fast asleep.

note. PURE WORD VOMIT I AM: SORRY came up with this because i’m convinced mikage reo is an “archer” just like me fr ;) so this is my interpretation of the song esp the “do you see right through me?” !!

#☁️ my ode to you #mikage reo #reo mikage #mikage reo x reader #reo mikage x reader #mikage reo fluff #mikage reo x y/n #blue lock imagines #blue lock x reader #bllk imagines #bllk x reader #blue lock fluff

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whyse7vn · 4 months

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KIM NAMJOON

RANDOM 01:

!gc namjoon who has never experienced peace since joining the group

!gc namjoon who feels like being in the group has aged him 50 years

!gc namjoon who despite this would rather drop dead than have not met all of you

!gc namjoon who knows every single member like that back of his hand

!gc namjoon who often worries his members find him boring

!gc namjoon who forced everyone to download life 360 while on tour because you all wouldn’t stop getting lost and it was stressing him out

!gc namjoon who has a fun fact about everything like fr everything its kinda crazy

!gc namjoon who still to this day checks the life 360 app (that thank god none of you have deleted) every morning afternoon and night to make sure everyone is safe

!gc namjoon who has now reconsidered his position on having kids if parenthood is anything like looking after his members you can count him out actually!

!gc namjoon who on one random night in 2017 went to an equally random art gallery on his own “impulsively” and definitely NOT because you briefly mentioned you needed “artsy guy” in your life

!gc namjoon who after the “impulsive” art gallery trip which he actually did enjoy way more than he expected to seemed to have a complete personality shift finding interest and beauty in the smaller and simpler things in life

!gc namjoon who won’t admit this out loud but one of the reasons he hasn’t learnt how to drive yet is because he enjoys the fact that you drive him everywhere, you’ve even given him the silly little nickname of “number one passenger princess” that makes him feel all giddy inside

!gc namjoon who always puts his members first

!gc namjoon who wouldn’t of minded having you as his roommate but when 21 year old jungkook came to him all puppy eyed and nervous asking namjoon if you would like the idea of living with him all joon could do was smile “that’s a great idea kook! i’m sure she’d love it”

!gc namjoon the most patient man you know

!gc namjoon who buys you flowers for every single major holiday without a fail

!gc namjoon who once set you and jungkook’s kitchen on fire

!gc namjoon who has almost asked you to be his girlfriend a total of 5 times so far

!gc namjoon a true gentleman and romantic at heart

!gc namjoon who gets so upset when you refer to him as RM whether it’s a joke or work related it’s joon to you always and forever

!gc namjoon who for every piece of artwork in his home from paintings to poem books can relate said artwork to one of his members, he finds comfort in collecting pieces that remind him of his favourite people

!gc namjoon who genuinely freaks out if the group chat isn’t active at least once everyday

!gc namjoon who went through a really intense gym phase and would genuinely force all his members to wake up at 6 am and go on runs with him. however the whole group run thing only ended up lasting around 3 days turns out yoongi is really not a morning person and jimin surprisingly was (at the time) and that does not mix well !! long story short yoongi punched the shit out of jimin while tae recorded, you and jin laughed, hoseok was on the brink of passing out, jungkook was crying… for some reason? and namjoon was stressed safe to say group runs or work outs never happened again after that and namjoons intense gym bro lifestyle slowly mellowed itself out

!gc namjoon the groups designated decision maker no matter how small all large the issue what joon decides is right and final an unspoken agreement between the members

!gc namjoon who often wonders how you all put so much trust in his words and decisions honestly it scares him a little a LOT

!gc namjoon who hates boba

!gc namjoon who allows you to meal prep for him, he thanks the lord you do this for him actually saving him from having to cook for himself most days

!gc namjoon who is really good a board games

!gc namjoon who talks in his sleep

!gc namjoon who is quite a traditional man

!gc namjoon who doesn’t believe in hookup culture, flings and friend’s with benefits

!gc namjoon who prefers cute dates, long walks and sharing interests

yet !gc namjoon who lets you lead him into an empty room away from the obnoxiously loud party thrown for jungkooks 24th(?) birthday

!gc namjoon who from then on lets you steal kisses from him

moments with him

!gc namjoon who doesn’t believe in “casual”

!gc namjoon who can’t do “casual”

!gc namjoon who is aware of his feelings and of everyone’s feelings

!gc namjoon who knows his members like the back of his hand

he knows their realising their own feelings

each others too

he knows jaehyun was a wake up call not just to him but to everyone

!gc namjoon who knows he’s running out of time

!gc namjoon who wishes he was selfish

wishes he was an asshole

a self serving piece of shit

who wishes he could just shout from the rooftops how utterly obsessed and fuck he’ll admit it at this point in love with you he is

he wishes that he could love you without hurting others

!gc namjoon who has become a casual in your life

a casual kiss

a casual fuck

a casual dinner

casual moments

!gc namjoon who has become accustomed to being your romantic casual because despite initially not believing in the concept namjoon is more than willing to throw away all his morals and beliefs if it means he gets to have you hold him for a night, kiss him for a night, be with him for a night

namjoon is willing to do pretty much anything and everything to be a part of your life, a temporary go to, name it and he’ll fill that role no questions asked

kim namjoon is willing to be

your casual.

—

tags: @piw6n @92jinnies @birdie-vhs @kooksmilitarywife @hob3loveofmylife @jujubiism @bloopkook @ratchetpizza1 @myntalks @arloo00 @watamotee33 @y2kcy3brz @taiwan0618 @freyadanvers @gguksbeloved @raetf @bbsantc @winuvs @medicinemybish @bxnnyhime @leleluvsbts @baetukki @zyaaaszn @thelilbutifulthings @jazminethecreator @k4ngelz @jmnscutie @sopebubbles-replies @cynicalyoongs @lightningpussy54 @eunthv @gigiiiiislife @lowkeykin @elissasimp

#bts crack #bts fluff #bts imagines #bts text #bts x y/n #bts fanfic #bts x you #bts x reader #bts fic #namjoon × reader #namjoon x y/n #rm x reader #rm x y/n #!gc namjoon #gc offline #kim namjoon

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klausysworld · 11 months

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Hi I was wondering if you could make a Klaus Mikaelson Love one shot where the reader is Carolines twin sister and also Klauses mate but Klaus don't want her to get hurt by his enemies so he spends his time on Caroline and the reader is a vampire so she can feel the mate bond and doesn't understand why he hates her so much to ignore their mate bond so she goes into depression and doesn't eat or drink blood she doesn't leave her room and she is in pain all she wants is Klaus but she thinks that Klaus doesn't want her and Caroline starts worrying about her so she gets Bonnie to do a spell to see what's wrong with herand they figure its because of Klaus rejecting her.

ends in smut only if you want to it doesn't have to!!!

Resisting the truth

The concept of soulmates wasn’t something Klaus believed in. A ridiculous theory really.

And when people claimed to have had them he took pleasure in killing one just to watch the other crumble at the sight.

Even when Rebekah insisted that Marcel was hers, he wouldn’t let them be together. It was a stupid idea and he wouldn’t condone it.

He didn’t believe it in any respect.

So when he felt that odd pull, well he didn’t know how to respond.

Looking at her, he didn’t understand. She wad his type yes but from what he could tell she was only a vampire, she couldn’t have been a witch. So he didn’t know where the pull was coming from.

Even in Alarics body he could feel it. At first he thought the teachers body was attached to her but then he bumped into her in his own form and the attraction was even stronger.

Klaus didn’t like new things and didn’t like feeling things but he also knew if he killed her now then the bloody Salvatores would retaliate and most likely would grab their precious doppelgänger and run. So he left her be but kept a close eye on her.

Following her when he got the chance and learning things about her while trying to find out what kind of trick she was playing on him. She was meant to have been used for the sacrifice, first Caroline replaced her and then Jenna.

And then once he left Mystic Falls with his good friend Stefan, for whatever reason, all he could thing about was her.

Countless dreams haunted him and the urge to draw her face was driving him close to insanity. To begin with he thought perhaps killing her was the best option and then Stefan had to go find Klaus’ stash of sketches of his dear friend Y/n’s face and decided to tell Klaus all about her.

And somehow, hearing about her made him feel less crazy. He found himself asking pointless questions and listening to stories from Stefan. Until of course one of them realised that they were talking about her a little too much and they both awkwardly avoided the topic.

Having her walk straight into him yet again at senior prank night only made his thoughts worse. He loathed how his body reacted so quickly to her, just one inhale of her freshly washed hair and his dick was pressing up against his jeans. His hand grabbed both her arm and the doppelgänger’s before dragging them both back to the main hall. He proceeded with his plan as normal with minimal glances to the girl although he could feel her eyes on him the entire time.

He was entirely unaware she could feel the bond just as well. But she was less cautious about it, she was a teenager and experiencing new feelings. Ones she didn’t understand but she wasn’t a paranoid control freak so she leaned toward the feeling rather than away.

In fact she even followed him occasionally. When she had nothing better to do and wasn’t needed by the group, she tried to dig into his persona. But he was a difficult man to pick apart and she often just went back home when she got bored.

Sometimes she tried to talk to him, or just smile at him but he wasn’t the easiest to communicate with unless he was running the conversation. And she often felt like she was just annoying him so she tried to leave him alone but something just kept leading her back to him and she found it easier to go with it than resist it.

He found her a bit of a nuisance but at least she was a pretty one. And the more she was around him the more he warmed to her. The more beautiful he found her and the dirtier his dreams got.

Eventually he couldn’t handle the amount of time he was spending fucking his own hand and made his way to a witch formation. Only to be faced with the impossible truth.

And then he saw her in a different light. She had both a target on her own back and his back. So he did the one thing he knew how to do really well, push her away.

And god did he push hard. Ignored everything she did or said, avoided her like the plague.

He assumed she had a silly little crush on him and nothing more but he didn’t know she was taking the rejection of the bond so harshly.

Being a vampire it was massively increased and quite frankly it was soul destroying.

He didn’t see the way her skin was greying;the emptying of her eyes. He wasn’t there to see how her mother had to cradle her in bed like she were a small child again. The look in Caroline’s eyes as she tried to get her sister to be excited for their birthday.

What was even more cruel was Klaus coming over to her house to heal Caroline without even checking on her. Giving her twin sister a birthday present but not her? He never spoke to Caroline before, how could they possibly have formed a better friendship than them?

Had she entirely misread everything? Had he not smiled at her with that same look in his eye? Had he not initiated flirtatious interactions and inched closer to her?

She didn’t feel the hunger she used to feel for blood, almost as though it weren’t appetising at all any more. Repulsive even.

Caroline worried beyond relief as she witnessed her sister fading right before her. Stefan and Damon couldn’t get her to eat, Elena and Bonnie couldn’t entertain enough to get her out of bed, nothing was working.

Not until Bonnie offered to do a spell, with Liz’s reluctant permission she performed it to find what was wrong. And the answer both shocked the group and sort of made sense. They had all noticed at some point the strange need they had for each other. But through Damons research in the past when he believed Katherine was his soulmate, he knew what the ultimate result of a rejected mate could be. And as much as he hated Klaus, y/n was like a little sister to him and if she needed him for a little bit then he would push back his revenge for a moment. Plus it would put him in Elena’s good books and Liz’s.

So he let Caroline go and beg Klaus to save her sister.

Klaus wasn’t sure how to respond when Caroline came in with a white oak stake held to his chest while she yelled every offensive word she could at him. He had her by the throat quickly, throwing her off and to a wall but she was straight back at him. Screaming at him asking how he could have done this.

And after a very long back and forth argument, he realised what he was doing to the Forbes girl. But he wasn’t exactly sure how to react.

He knew he was no good for her, he would only be the cause of her death but apparently he would be that anyway. Which he found to be ridiculous but whatever.

But the second Elena let it slip to Rebekah that her brother had a soulmate, she had him by the hair dragging him to the Forbes residence and forcing him inside. Caroline and Liz left the house and Locke them in, despite Klaus being able to break it down.

While in there he couldn’t help but feel the forceful tug towards her room. Her heartbeat was so weak and her scent was fading. He tried to resist the pull like he had forced himself to for so long but hearing her pain filled whimpers as she shifted onto her side had his leg bouncing. Her dry coughs and groans had his teeth biting at the skin around his fingers and finally when she gave a cry out for her sister he got up to go and see her.

His heart hurt seeing her halfway desiccated and he reluctantly came to sit at the edge of the bed. Her eyes were heavy as she peeked up at him, her brows furrowing before a sadness filled her

“Are you here to kill me now?” She rasped and he frowned

“No my dear, no I won’t be killing you” he whispered, he felt bad now that hr had considered doing so in the past but better knowing that he no longer desired to.

“Why not?” She asked confused “you don’t want a soulmate…” she trailed but neither of them said anything because they both knew she was right, he never had wanted a soulmate.

She nodded weakly, sighed softly and relaxed back against the bed. He hesitantly shifted further into the bed, gently pulling her a little closer so her head lay on his lap.

Slowly he brought his fingers to her hair, just gently stroking her as he silently went over his options, wondering what was truly best for each of them in this scenario.

Would she really be better of with him as a soulmate?

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goingbuggy · 5 months

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Shanks' Savior Complex

A few months ago, I posted a joke tweet about Shanks’ savior complex and Buggy’s inferiority complex. While Buggy’s feelings of inadequacy are pretty obvious in the source material, Shanks is constantly evading serious analysis because of how little he appears in the manga and how nebulous those few appearances are. So, naturally, I was met with a lot of confusion. (What do you mean by ‘savior complex?’ Why Shanks specifically?) I thought I’d address all that now in one comprehensive, all-inclusive post.

Before I dive in, please note just a few things:

A SAVIOR COMPLEX is a pattern of unconscious behaviors. It is associated most often with self-sacrificial people – those who help others even at the cost of their own personal well-being, mental or physical.

Within the field of psychology, ‘complexes’ are just constructs. My goal is not to diagnose. Rather, this post is a conceptual analysis using the idea of a “savior complex” to better explore Shanks as a character.

Now that all that’s out of the way, let me begin!

For a character who is so significant in the grand scheme, Shanks is remarkably absent for the better part of One Piece. Really. He is so nonexistent, actually, that the first chapter of the manga is probably the most we’ve ever seen from him uninterrupted. This is for good reason, though; Shanks is the catalyst for Luffy’s entire journey. He owes a lot to Shanks: his devil fruit, his life, and even his dream, to an extent. Luffy learned a lot about being a captain from Shanks, and much of his advice – like picking and choosing your battles, for example – Luffy puts to good use later down the line.

So, considering his role as Luffy’s mentor, it’s fitting that Shanks’ character is defined by RESPONSIBILITY. He’s goofy, sure, but don’t let that devil-may-care attitude fool you – Shanks is a knowledgeable pirate, grounded by the weight he carries. His dialogue and actions throughout the first chapter reflect this. When Luffy demands to be taken out to sea, Shanks refuses, claiming he is too young. While the rest of his crew wax poetic about the freedom and joy of being a pirate, Shanks is the one bringing them back down to reality, telling them not to fill Luffy’s head with “crazy ideas.”

Those who know him best seem to agree. “The captain’s just doing what’s best for everyone,” Beckman states. “The safety of the entire crew and ship rests on his shoulders.”

Although Shanks is realistic, he is not a pessimist, and he certainly still values dreams. Let’s not forget: Shanks entrusted Luffy with Roger’s hat. Not only that, he asks Luffy to give it back when Luffy has become a great pirate – not if. Of course Shanks has hope for the future and the new generation. He's just also experienced enough to know the dangers and horrors of the current world, and curbs his own expectations as a result. Yet again, Beckman reinforces this when he talks to Luffy.

The future needs a strong foundation. Anything is possible, including what Luffy wants to achieve, but there are necessary sacrifices to make dreams a reality.

I believe Shanks sees himself as one of those necessary sacrifices.

Oda may not have envisioned Shanks losing an arm in the original draft of the story, but this decision sets a precedent going forward, for both Shanks as a character and the series at large. Sacrifice is at the core of One Piece’s identity; previously, I’ve discussed its emotional significance as an act of love. But sacrifice also serves as the foundation for the new generation. Corazón’s sacrifice, for example, enabled Law to outlive him and change the future. Toki and Oden’s sacrifices enabled their children and the Nine Red Scabbards to change the future. Queen Otohime, Fisher Tiger, Shimotsuki Yasuie… although these characters died without ever seeing the future they hoped for, their sacrifices are the foundation upon which their successors enact change.

And who do we also see facilitating the changing world, ensuring the “new age” succeeds?

Shanks.

Whenever Shanks reappears in the manga, it is usually on the precipice of a dangerous conflict, or at exactly the perfect moment to intervene in said conflict. Take Shanks visiting Whitebeard, for example; here, he attempts to navigate the growing tension between Ace and Blackbeard, which eventually results in the war at Marineford. Although he fails at convincing Whitebeard to stop Ace’s revenge quest, it’s clear that Shanks has a vested interest in balancing the current forces at play, including marines and pirates.

At Marineford, not only does Shanks intervene to stop the war, but he saves Koby, a member of the new generation who will undoubtedly change the future on the marines' side of things. His words also reflect my point about sacrifice as a foundation for change. As he stops Akainu, he praises Koby for putting his life on the line: “The seconds of courage you bet your life on creating, for good or bad, have just now greatly changed the fate of the world!”

This aspect of his character remains consistent in Film Red, too. Even though he has grown to love Uta as a daughter, Shanks still encourages her to stay behind because her singing brings happiness to a world where "peace and equality don't exist." Afterwards, when Uta causes the massacre on Elegia, Shanks shoulders all the blame, effectively hiding the truth to protect her. He sacrifices his own connection with his daughter for what he believes is the greater good. Note that Shanks’ own personal feelings on that decision are never explored or discussed; obviously, Shanks loved his daughter, and it's safe to assume he didn't want to leave her. But he set aside his own happiness and made the hard choice anyway. (Sound familiar? The "savior complex" alarm bells should be ringing in your head.)

Even as an emperor, Shanks sacrifices his own strength, influence, and reputation. His fleet is “notoriously weak.” The pirates within it even admit that they never would have survived this long without Shanks protecting them. This fleet is another responsibility weighing Shanks down, and yet he takes on that burden anyway for their sake.

We don’t have the full context behind Shanks’ decision at Loguetown either, but it’s likely that his refusal to go Laughtale right away ties back to responsibility, too. We know whatever Roger said to Shanks the day their crew disbanded rendered him to tears. (Did Roger’s answer to his question change his mind?) We also know he regards Luffy as Roger’s successor, and claims Luffy acts just like he did as a kid. (Shanks "crowning" Luffy with Roger's hat also parallels Shanks' moment with Roger visually, placing them in similar roles.)

Given this, it’s possible that Shanks believed he could take on Roger’s legacy, but later realized he would not be the one to change the world. Roger might have even tasked him with finding the “true” successor, who will “turn the world upside down.” (Shanks’ fixation with the “new age” would also make sense in that case.) This is all speculation, but I thought I’d throw it out there anyway, because if this were true, Shanks would have sacrificed his own dream for the sake of the world. (Very fitting!)

But how does Shanks feel about his role in the bigger picture? The short answer: we don’t know, and I think that’s purposeful. Oda consistently draws Shanks looking wistful and resigned when it comes to his choices; although he has severed relationships and damaged his body, not once has he expressed resentment, anger, or sorrow. In fact, he's usually smiling.

Shanks also has his own monologue where he discusses the act of crying.

If you apply his advice to his own character journey, it raises a lot of questions. Does Shanks view his current sacrificial actions as “overcoming” his own tears from back then? Is that why we so rarely see him cry now? Considering how reserved Shanks is in expressing negative emotions, I think it’s possible. His emotional restraint could also be seen as “saving face” for the sake of others – something I’ve discussed before. That is my own interpretation, though, so take it with a grain of salt.

Speculation aside, Shanks has shown time and time again that he prioritizes the future over his own life. His dedication to/fixation with the "new age," his role as a mentor, how he believes in putting his life on the line and "overcoming" negative emotions... these indicate a pattern of behaviors seen in those with savior complexes. Even if it's at the cost of his own mental/physical well-being, Shanks plans to facilitate the world as Luffy changes it.

Is the "new age" his dream, or did he sacrifice his real dream for the sake of the new age? Does that dream even matter to him, anymore? The reasoning for Shanks' motives is still unknown, but the answer must lie in whatever mysterious question he asked Roger – otherwise, why hide the context for his massive turnabout at Loguetown? Once the curtain is drawn back on that moment, I think we will begin to see Shanks in a new light.

#one piece #shanks #red haired shanks #luffy #one piece meta #op meta #long post #meta #akagami no shanks #character analysis

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favcharacterpoll · 9 months

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ROUND 5 MATCH 16: LINK VS. NICO

Link from BotW/TotK faces Nico di Angelo from the Riordanverse. Who do you like more?

Link Propaganda:

"i love this guy"

"I love him so much, okay? He's the only person capable of wielding the Master Sword, bears the Triforce of Courage, and was chosen by the goddess Hylia to protect Hyrule"

"Pretty boy"

"ok so link is like the best character ever imo cause have you seen what he looks like in totk he's so gender and ahhh and he's really cool and I love him so so much <333 and oot link is really cool and he's my whole childhood, and I love skyward sword and wind waker link cause they're so expressive, and I love twilight princess wolf link I just love all versions of link so much<3 only exception is the version from the philips cdi games he's so goofy" (focus on the totk part of this one)

"link is THE Gender Envy icon pretty boy pretty boy with sword!!"

Nico Propaganda:

"autism"

"YOU KNOW WHAT. if autism isn't enough to compel you to VOTE NICO then i will write this.

ok so he's gay & european (like the legally blonde song) and also a goth. we love our goths here on tumblr right?!

first i need to provide you a visual. please imagine a small italian boy. now imagine that small italian boy going through a time machine hotel casino in vegas, some wack crazy traumatic incidents, becoming an alt/emo kid and being so fucking powerful that even gods show a little more respect to him than others...

nico has gone through literal hell TWICE !! one time it was VOLUNTARY !! and all the while he was probably experiencing said hell in its most terrifying form. this shows us his mental resilience and selflessness are incredibly strong traits of his and that maybe he should stop being a reckless bitch but whatever !!!!!!

tumblrinas listen up... nico was the first canon lgbt+ character created by rick riordan in the chb chronicles (i am not counting all the other gods, goddesses, minor deities and other figures of greco-roman myth). he was the trailblazer. his story didn't end in tragedy, but he found friendship and love and family, which in this age of upsetting "bury your gays" media is still quite hopeful to read!!

nico has a sunshine bf who would literally walk through hell with him!! i'm not kidding. this actually happened. i'm sure he's definitely cheering from the sidelines somewhere... please do not let will solace down!!

did i mention nico's the son of hades, god of the underworld?? this means his powers include, but are not limited to, being able to communicate with spirits via mcdonalds happy meals, wielding a sword that rends souls asunder, turning people into ghosts, re-animating skeletons, shadow traveling and being able to read other people's death auras.

these powers and his terrifyingly grumpy personality (in earlier books) have created a reputation famous among the demigods and deities. also he literally summons an entire skeleton army and rises from the fucking underworld with his father, stepmother and step-grandmother (all gods) (how does this work) in tow, inspiring FEAR and PANIC among the enemy lines.

and if that's not enough, he's friends with lizard people, his signature items of clothing are a BIG AVIATOR JACKET + SKULL RING = VERY GOOD CHARACTER DESIGN and his hair canonically smells like rain on stone. just so you know

VOTE NICO VOTE NICO VOTE NICO !!!!!!!!!!!"

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latenightbreezeinheaven · 2 years

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8th house synastry 💀🖤🍷

Hi lovelies! Today, I'm going to share some of my personal experiences with 8th house synastry overlay and I really need to share this rn because I'm feeling overwhelmed rn. If I don't write this out, I'm going to explode for sure. 🥲

🌶️ 8th house synastry is already famous in an astrology field and I personally feel like 8th house overlay is the most intense house overlay in synastry. (But this is just my personal opinion don't attack me 🦈)

🌶️ Let's get straight to the topic and no more ranting loll 😹

🌶️ So, I have 4 guys who I experienced (and experiencing) 8th house synastry with and I'm going to tell you about only one guy here because I don't want to mess everything up and each story has its own interpretation.

🌶️ I have my venus, saturn and lilith in this current guy's 8th house. Since the day I met him, I felt these cheesy butterflies feelings for him and he isn't even handsome or doesn't look so fine af. I think it's not love but I feel like it's developing into my new crush. As the planet person here, I feel obsessed at times and get jealous when I overthink that he might be talking to other several girls at night. But that's only those for me. Yes, I want to have something serious with him ✅ and yes I like him ✅ but I don't feel like I deeply love him or I don't feel like I'm going to sacrifice everything for him unlike the guy who I shared 12th house overlay with. Tbh, it's mostly jealousy and obsession from me. I don't really know how he exactly feels about me because he is emotionally distant at times (he's venus aquarius and mars libra ikrr this is a huge red flag 🚩😭). Whatever, I still want him and we kind of sexted and it was too soon. I feel like things are progressing very fast and I don't like it but at the same time, I wanna rush more. I told him that he can rely on me and open up to me anytime and he said ofc he will. However, at the very first, he was really emotionally closed and didn't want to share anything with me. I think he became more open to me because of sexting and our sext was pretty exciting and hot too. I've never felt anything like that before. It was sooo vivid and really crazy 💣🔥. At this point, I want to be someone who knows all of his secrets and everything about him. I know it's creepy and not a really great idea but I just want to be his best best friend, a sexual partner and something serious for him at the same time. I hope this makes sense but yeah this is how I feel atm as the planet person. Send help pls mates 😭😂 In my opinion, I think he has some feelings for me but I'm not sure (I don't want to get my hopes so high because everytime I do that, my hopes get broken). I feel like he doesn't want a commitment rn because he said that too but BUT I still feel that there is something special about me in his subconscious mind and I'm going to make him discover it. I can't see it but I can feel it. 🤡

🌶️ Plus, we have some pretty good synastry. He has his venus, neptune and uranus in my 7th house and his sun conjuncts my descendant. And I have my sun and mercury in his 7th house too. I know that uranus is not a great overlay for 7th house because it can make the uranus person feel inconsistent about the relationship with the house person. I think I also kinda realize why I want something more serious from him. It's because of his venus in my 7th house and his sun on my descendant. I know that this has sooo much potential but we're gonna have to see how this is going to fold out in the future. Currently, we are pretty normal and he doesn't talk to me in a way that he wants more. However, I hope things flow with the way I want. And I kinda believe it will too.

🌶️ In addition, we also have mars in 4th house double whammy overlay and his moon is also in my 4th house. I think this is the reason why we feel familiar from the first. It's like I trust him completely even though I don't really know him yet and I believe that he trusts me too as he said that multiple times. We don't have 12th house synastry though. So it's a bit of a relief because 12th house overlay screw me up most of the times and I'm afraid of that shit. I don't dare to face 8th house synastry and 12th house synastry at the same time and if I had to, I'm going to run asap. 🔫🔨��️

🌶️ He also has his ascendant in my 5th house and my ascendant is in his 8th house, so there is definitely physical attraction there I can feel it.

Ngl I wanna have an ability to read people's minds because I really really REALLY want to know how he truly feels about me from the bottom core of his heart.

Thank you for reading to the end and I'm going to add other 8th house synastries I've encountered in my next posts so buh-bye for now, my peer astro nerds! 🐝💕

me to my own intrusive negative thoughts about him and me:

#8th house synastry #12th house synastry #synastry observations #astrology #astro notes #astro observations #4th house synastry #venus in 8th house #sun in 7th house #moon in 4th house #synastry overlays #synastry

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soaringwide · 2 months

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Pick a Card readings - what I learned as a viewer/consumer

Part 02 of my vision of the use of pick a card readings. I’m someone who makes them but I also consume them as a viewer. I wanted to combine both in a post but it’s too damn long so I divided in two parts. Part 1, reader (link); and this is part 2, consumer.

Part 02 - From a viewer point of view

Link to part 01 here

I discovered pick a cards readings on YouTube back in 2017, was super into them for like a couple years before distancing myself from that whole thing due to realizing the spiritual bullshit I was getting myself into (it's a story on its own, so perhaps I'll go back to it at another time).

Found my way back to them back in December 2023, again on YouTube, then Tumblr, due to a specific love situation I needed insight on but for some reason wasn't willing or able to divine on on my own.

The Good & the Bad

I definitely think that they can bring actual insight to a situation. There were many time where I was blown-away by how accurately a pile described my situation, despite feeling like I was just ''randomly'' choosing the first one that pulled me in.

It's definitely an interesting exercise of intuition, to see if you're connected well to yourself and if you're able to grab the thread that shines with your color the most. It's quite fun to see that some days it seems really easy to find your pile from the first try, and some days you just struggle, or don't find it at all.

It's a nice way to get familiar with the feeling of your intuition ''clicking'' when you're looking at all the piles, and makes you realize that it's something that's available to a lot of people, and that's fascinating on its own.

That whole thing made me think about what was happening exactly. Like, is this internet reader I've never interacted with actually reading on my personal energy or situation? I don't think so. I went into it a bit in part 01 but yeah I think those readings target too general energies for that. I see it more like story lines floating in the air, and the reader is guided towards translating one of them (by who or why, I don't fucking know).

Don't get me wrong, it might still be accurate because we human are unique but we also are all the fucking same deep down, and history repeats itself all the time.

It's a game of resonance, as in, you're naturally drawn to the pile that holds the same note as the one you hold inside. And sometimes you do stumble upon a reading that is so crazy specific that it seems like it was made just for you. Not gonna get too into that because I found this post by @helianthus-tarot that explains it very well already.

However, something I've experienced myself and anyone has to be super careful about, is to not over do it.

I think it's very easy to end up in a toxic cycle when you keep looking at tarot spreads about the same topics. What happens is that you keep getting slightly different answers, which make you confused about the situation, so you want to find more, and confuse yourself even further in the process, thus starting an obsessive cycle of not feeling satisfied with anything.

It also removes your sense of agency. You end up trusting what you read online more than your own intuition and guidance and you abandon yourself, in a way.

I'm saying that because I went through phases where I was ob-sess-ed with those damn PAC because of a love situation that was frustrating me a lot, and my mood would actually fluctuate a ton if I got a good one or a bad one. It's like I was trapped inside my own head and was just mirroring the chaos happening within me and mistaking it for reality. It's possible that some of them were actually real but I had no way of knowing because I was seeking as many PAC in a day as I could, thus drowning any useful message and keeping myself in a state of fear that colored everything else.

So yeah that's your PSA to be more mindful about what PAC you decide to read or watch. Don't just read everything all the time. Take breaks and only do it if you actually have a clear issue in mind and feel called to a reading, and once you get the message you needed, let it rest until you or the situation develops further.

#soaringwide #pick a card #pac readings

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lily-blue · 1 year

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Three magical words

☆ characters: best friend!taehyun & you ☆ genre: soulmate au, friends to lovers ☆ summary: you live in a world where you have to exchange i love yous with your soulmate for fate to tell you they are the one for you; if they are not, your relationship is destined to fall apart sooner or later ☆ words: 6,2k ☆ also: i’d like to dedicate this story to my own soulmate, @dat-town ♥ it’s crazy how it’s been nine years already that we started to talk… sometimes it feels like it happened yesterday (or well, a couple of years at most, to be more realistic), but other times it feels like we’ve known each other our whole life. damn, we’re really getting old, aren’t we, kathy? anyway, i love you to the moon~ ☆ taglist: @soobin-chois

When you had been young, around seven or eight years old, you had often thrown careless I love yous like they had been confetti. However, the older you had grown, the more you had understood why adults were so afraid of these words. They had already learned an important lesson you had yet to learn in your teenage years: how it felt when one’s heart got broken.

You lived in a world where no matter how much effort you put into a romantic relationship or how determined you were that you genuinely loved that person, if you weren’t together with your soulmate, things never worked out. Of course, there were people who refused to believe that they didn’t have a say in who their heart belonged to. They were the majority of society, actually, people who were willing to try just to fail over and over again, unwilling to realize that their reasons for breaking up were more or less the same: different schedules, different interests, and different goals in life. Their bond simply wasn’t strong enough to last.

Yet, to find such an unbreakable connection, you needed to give a chance to a lot of people. It was unfair, but that was how the soulmate system worked: you were either one of the lucky ones who were a hundred percent sure in their feelings, or you were bound to break under the weight of your uncertainties. Because only when you exchanged I love yous with the one who was destined to be with you did fate tell you whether they were the one you could love unafraid. It was a wicked game, but a game no one could escape from and everyone bounded to participate in one point in their life.

You couldn’t have said that you were different from the majority. There had been a time when you had also thought you had total control over your love life, hence you had experienced the same stages everyone did while growing up. As soon as you had learned about the soulmate system, you had sworn that you would be an exception and that your heart would be okay even after giving out chances to people whose love wasn’t made for making you happy. Then, you had gotten into your first relationship; there had come the first banters over his clinginess and your need for personal space, and the first fights that you couldn’t have solved with simple sorrys… The realization that you two hadn’t been a good match had come sooner than your acceptance. As many teenagers, you had also hated to admit that you had been wrong, so you had stayed with your first love for a year just to make the heartbreak more painful when you hadn’t seen the butterflies in your tummy coming alive once the confessions had fallen from your lips on the night of your anniversary. The pain had changed you. You had become wary and soon after, you had closed yourself off from potential soulmates entirely.

According to your mother, your eagerness to open up to others in hope of finding your other half would come back with time, but you really weren’t so sure. You would have liked to think that your life was a whole on its own, too, and you didn’t need anyone to fill in the cracks since those as well were a part of the real you.

There were more important things in life than romantic love anyway. Like your best friend’s birthday month and your (hopefully) last winter break before you became a full-fledged adult with a business degree. Your urge to diss the society with Taeyhun on his worn couch while munching on instant ramen and to complain about how difficult it was to get a job even when one was willing and had super low standards was indescribably high as usual. February never failed to bring the worst out of you. Cold months never did.

A week before Valentine’s Day, you were on a friendly date with Taehyun at that new coffee shop that had opened a corner from your family’s home, just killing some time and enjoying life to the fullest, when your mutual friends finally arrived and you could stop dwelling on whether you should have asked for a cinnamon latte or an apple pie flavored one. Although you knew it most probably wasn’t the last time you came here, so making a decision wasn’t that crucial - you could have always tried the other one next time, after all -, you still had a hard time choosing. For some reason, you always did, even at places you were a regular at, hence ended up ordering the same thing week after week.

‘Are you sure it’s a good i…’ Hueningkai’s voice reached your ears when you put the plastic menu card back in its holder and waved at the newcomers with a soft smile that they did not return.

You furrowed your brows in confusion when Beomgyu cut his friend off mid-sentence while he threw his coat on the back of the chair in front of you.

‘I’ve already told you I am. It’s romantic. Choerry likes these kinds of stuff and I think it’s lovely,’ he claimed, confusing you even more, because it sounded like they were arguing about Beomgyu’s girlfriend and you had thought everyone liked the shy albeit cheerful girl he was seeing since early December.

‘What are you bickering about this time?’ You inquired, knowing that if it wasn’t you, no one would ask them for details. Your best friend might have had a soft spot for his close friends, but he didn’t like unnecessary drama.

‘Nothing.’

‘He wants to confess on Valentine’s Day,’ Hueningkai said at the same time Beomgyu tried to put an end to the conversation, earning a displeased huff from the younger boy.

The silence that fell on your small group was heavy with unsaid arguments, unasked advice, and palpable anxiety; it planted itself in your chest and made it hard to think of anything else but those scars each one of you had worn on your heart. You were munching on your lower lip while you were trying to come up with something, anything you could have said.

‘Jeez… Don’t be so supportive,’ Beomgyu grumped, visibly irked by everyone’s reaction, not that you blamed him for it. It must have hurt him that his closest friends were so unwilling to support his relationship, but in reality, he had to know that they were only worried about him. They were just boys. They showed concern differently.

‘It’s because you’re stupid. You chose the worst day to break your hearts,’ Taehyun claimed, his unbothered tone borderline scolding. You sucked in your lower lip in panic, exchanging an uneasy glance with Kai before you shifted your gaze back to Beomgyu. You wished you could have lightened up the mood somehow, but the soulmate topic was a sensitive topic all around the world, especially for people your age. Generally, young adults had already lived enough to encounter heartbreaks, but were still too young to accept them as an inevitable part of life.

‘Yerim is my soulmate. I can feel it,’ Beomgyu retorted before he smashed his palms against the table and pushed himself into a standing position. His gaze wandered from one person to another until it returned to Taehyun. ‘You’ll be sorry for not supporting me.’

As soon as Beomgyu turned his back on your table and took the first steps towards the blonde boy behind the counter, you nudged your best friend with a disapproving sigh.

‘Don’t you think it was unnecessarily rude?’ You asked quietly yet firmly, not taking your worried eyes off the boy who was currently vibing with the barista like the two of them had known each other for decades. Beomgyu’s big theatrical hand gestures would have made you smile on any other day, under any other circumstances, but with his last words echoing in your head, they only amplified your protective, big sister side.

‘Last time he confessed, he was wailing for weeks. It’s not rude enough,’ Taehyun said before he stood up as well and pulled Hueining Kai towards their friend to order.

You stayed seated to make sure your table didn’t get accidentally occupied by another group of friends - a habit you had gained during those summer breaks that you had spent in Europe with your aunt and her family -, and watched the boys with your chin resting atop of the back of your hand.

You knew Beomgyu loved company even when he was sad. He was the type of person who both wanted to hide his sorrow and put it on display at the same time, someone who wanted to seem strong, but craved pampering, too. Because of these, he usually ended up venting in a sarcastic way, turning his situation into a joke, then crying two minutes into the movie you were watching together because the characters were so relatable (or because his ex loved the same popcorn flavor you had offered him carelessly without knowing this crucial detail).

Reminiscing about the last time Beomgyu had thought he found his soulmate, you hoped he was a bit more ready for the consequences this time.

‘Here.’

You snapped your head in Taehyun’s direction when he slid your drink in front of you and shot a grateful smile at him when he did the same with his own. Your chest felt warm at the realization that he had ordered both lattes you wanted to try and even let you choose which one you wanted to keep for yourself.

‘Thanks,’ you beamed at him, loving the newness of the apple pie latte on the tip of your tongue, but choosing the familiar taste nevertheless.

You offered a sip from the cinnamon latte to Taehyun and smiled at the way he hummed around the paper straw, stealing another gulp for good measure before he gave it back to you. He might have looked grumpy and annoyed seven or eight times out of ten - depending on various external factors in his life such as the number of assignments he had to finish a week or how big of a mess his roommates might have left at their place -, but you loved how under the heartless facade, he was such a big softie for his friends. You wouldn’t have changed a single thing about him even if you could.

You spent hours at the coffee shop, chatting about the anime you were watching these days, childhood memories with each other and your own families, how you could still remember Februaries when you could have played in the snow, and recipes you wanted to master for the new semester at the dorm. It was fun and the background music was tranquil enough for you to not want to leave the place anytime soon. However, your sore asscheeks definitely weren’t of the same opinion and nor were the boys’.

Since both Taehyun and you had moved back to the neighborhood for the winter break to spend some with your families, but the boy’s parents were rarely at home due to their busy schedules, he offered their place for a impromptu movie night (you might have dropped hints here and there that you had still hadn’t seen that sci-fi movie he couldn’t have stopped talking about when it had come out) and almost regretted immediately when Soobin, Yeonjun, and Sakura also showed up at his door.

You were sandwiched between Sakura and Taehyun on the couch with a blanket on your legs and a bowl of Cheetos in your hands when the movie started and stayed there through the night even when Hueningkai put on a comedy next, or when Yeonjun insisted on watching the Chinese Step Up movie for old time’s sake. Seeing the cast, suddenly, you couldn’t decide whether he was teasing you because of your Channing Tatum obsession in middle school or your UNIQ phase that, more or less, was still going strong.

Either way, the movie was very much up to your liking since it reminded you of that summer when you had successfully convinced your parents to let you attend the dance camp where you had first met Yeonjun. Your fleeting crush on the older boy might have subsided the moment he had sat beside you during the bonfire and your hair had caught on fire because of the stick he should have roasted the marshmallows on, but your bond had been unbreakable ever since. You also liked seeing Kim Sungjoo’s smile.

The plot was already over its climax when your best friend’s head fell on your shoulder and you couldn’t have helped an endeared smile when your gaze stuck on his slightly parted lips. Spending so much time with a bunch of extroverts must have been tiring for him, too, but you appreciated him for making this night possible.

Admittedly, you didn’t pay too much attention to the movie after Taehyun had fallen asleep. His calm features were simply more interesting. (At least, to you.) Not to mention that one look at his hand so close to yours was enough for your mind to be immediately occupied with thoughts you rarely let loose. You wondered how it would have felt to hold it again like when you had been younger and your homeroom teacher in elementary school had forced you to hold hands with your classmates while walking from your classroom to the school yard. A part of you doubted his skin would have still been soft against yours, but if you wanted to be honest, those memories might have been altered by your imagination. You knew for a fact that little Taehyun hadn’t been a big fan of you back in those days. He had always called you stupid.

Still, at moments like this, when you could burn the tiniest details of his face in your memories without his snarky remarks, you found yourself pondering whether Taehyun giving you so much comfort with his presence could have meant more than friendship. Could it have been what Beomgyu was feeling whenever he was dead set on how he had already found his soulmate? Maybe. But even if it was, it wasn’t that he hadn’t been wrong about it before.

And it wasn’t that you could have tested it out on your own. Even if you had said those words to your best friend, you were pretty certain he wouldn’t have said it back to you to allow the system to prove your assumption right or wrong. You could be sure about this because when you two had met, you had been still a toothless six-year-old and he had screamed at you whenever you carelessly told someone you loved them a lot.

‘Was it that bad?’ Taehyun’s raspy voice pulled you back to the present, painting your cheeks a light shade of pink.

‘Hm?’

‘The movie,’ he pointed out with his head still on your shoulder. His voice was quiet like a whisper, but because of his closeness and how his breath tickled your neck, it felt like he was screaming at you. It dressed your lower arm in goosebumps. ‘You’re deep in thoughts.’

You let out a soft chuckle when he lifted his hand in front of your face and poked the furrow between your brows.

‘I’m just tired,’ you whispered, not pulling away or making the smallest attempt to shake his hand off. Taehyun and you had grown closer during high school and your bond had become a lot stronger during your university years, but it was still rather unusual that he touched you. You wanted to prolong the momentarily intimacy.

‘Then stay. I’m sure your mom wouldn’t mind it,’ he proposed, tainting you with the idea. Your parents lived ten minutes from Taehyun’s family, but it was already past midnight and the weather was unreasonably cold. Staying over sounded like a dream coming true.

‘Okay. But I’m not making us breakfast,’ you agreed, the ultimate tasting weak on the tip of your tongue. You might have loved the way his pillowy blankets embraced your body in the morning, they might have made it super hard to get out of bed too soon, but you would have done so without any complaints if he had asked you to.

You knew he was aware of it, too.

‘Fine. I’ll make us some omelet if you send them away,’ your best friend negotiated and only then you realized that you two weren’t alone in the living room.

A bit disoriented, you turned your head towards your friends. Soobin and Kai were helping Sakura with the empty bowls and bottles, Beomgyu was flexing his dance moves to everyone and anyone who was willing to pay attention to him, while Yeonjun was texting and dealing with your hyperactive friend simultaneously. The laptop’s screen was already black, but you had a feeling that no one had bothered to turn it off.

You looked down at your best friend.

‘Deal,’ you agreed with an over-exaggerating sigh before you pulled away from the boy and stood up from the couch.

Standing, you clapped your hands to gain everyone’s attention, then told them the horrible news: it was time for them to leave. Despite his pouty lips, there wasn’t an ounce of mercy in you when Beomgyu tried to convince you why you should have persuaded Taehyun to let him stay, too, but did make him and the others a mug of hot chocolate to give them some extra warmth for the road. You weren’t heartless after all.

(Although, Taehyun couldn’t stop smiling at you when half an hour later, you shut the door in Beomgyu’s face.)

You spent Valentine’s Day with Yeonjun, Sakura, and Taehyun. The four of you pretended to be on a double date to get discounts in that popular coffee shop near campus that none of you could have afforded on a daily basis and one of the trending restaurants downtown where one needed to wear elegant clothes to be acknowledged. The experience might have failed to beat last year when Hueningkai had convinced you to go to the amusement park with him, but it successfully took your mind off Beomgyu’s date and the possibility of him getting his heart broken on the very day most people celebrated love.

‘Should we grab a drink? I feel like we should,’ Sakura thought out loud, pulling you towards the nearest bus stop by your arm, giggling as though she had said or heard something funny. The red wine you had drunk with your steak must have gotten in her head.

You turned your head and looked behind your back, rosy lips pouty and eyes pleading, but Yeonjun was too busy with his phone as he usually was these days and Taehyun did nothing but pouted back at you. You groaned in defeat when Sakura tugged on your coat and repeated her question.

‘I don’t think I can drink more. Why don’t we go back to the boys’ place and watch a movie? We could cuddle,’ you proposed, knowing well how much she loved nuzzling close to people during your movie nights regardless of their gender. It was never about intimacy for her, but the comfort that another person’s warmth could give her. She rarely spoke about it, but she missed Kagoshima and her family there a lot.

Sakura furrowed her brows, tapped her lower lip with her index finger once, twice, and three times, then shot a beaming smile at you.

‘Sounds good to me,’ she agreed before she noticed the night bus you planned to take and ran towards it with an iron grip on your hand and without giving a damn whether the boys were following you two.

Needless to say, she fell asleep on the couch in the guys’ shared apartment before you could have chosen a movie; thus, Yeonjun had to carry her to Soobin’s bedroom because the boy was luckily out of town and none of you had the heart to let her sleep in the living room.

The following morning, you woke up for the familiar smell of freshly brewed coffee and your best friend’s delicious omelet. You also heard a loud thud from the other side of Taehyun’s bedroom’s door, but you were too lazy to get out of bed and investigate when it was most probably one of your friends’ doing.

You turned away from the windows, pulled the blanket over your shoulders, so that it would have hid them perfectly, then closed your eyes to steal yourself five more min…

‘I’ve an important announcement. Get your ass to the living room!’ Beomgyu yelled from the threshold, his words getting louder and louder until you threw a pillow at you. ‘Hah! I knew you were awake. Taehyun’s just too soft on you.’

‘Get out!’ You groaned, lowkey wondering whether everyone else was already up or you were his first victim that morning. Yeonjun would have probably killed him if he had barged in on him after last night and you would have definitely woken up if he had dared to do the same to a hangover Sakura, right?

‘You have two minutes. I have important news!’ He insisted, coaxing another pained groan out of you before he shut the door. You wanted more than two more minutes, but you were aware that Beomgyu’s threats were rarely empty. You had already seen him exchanging sugar for salt in those identical containers the boys had, hiding Soobin’s underwear in their freezer, and throwing one of Kai’s plushies out the window when they disregarded him.

You walked out of the room with a fluffy blanket around your figure and headed straight to the couch with half-opened eyes.

‘Finally, our dear Pillow Princess decided to bless us with her presence,’ Beomgyu said, the nickname falling from his lips in English, making you wonder whether he would have ever learned what this phrase really meant or when would someone from your friend group make the effort to enlighten him.

‘Get to the point, Beomgyu!’ You grumped, then sat down on the couch and leaned your head on the closest shoulder you found. It was Yeonjun’s, whose other one was already supporting Sakura’s head.

The living room’s temperature was pleasantly warm and the blanket around you almost lulled you back to sleep when Taehyun joined the half-asleep group and Beomgyu took it as a sign to raise his voice again.

Your shoulders tensed when the boy clapped his hands, but then you felt a soft touch on your arm and turning towards the culprit, you came face to face with your Hello Kitty mug. You raised a brow, but accepted the coffee your best friend had made you with a grateful smile.

‘I found my soulmate. It’s Yerim, obviously, in case someone still has doubts,’ the boys said with a smug smile on his face as he dragged his gaze from one person to another. ‘I accept apologies in cash and donuts,’ he added, clearly waiting for something.

However, words didn’t come so easily. Not because you weren’t happy for him and Choerry. You were delighted that they had found each other. It was rather the initial shock that made your tongue heavy.

Still, you willed yourself and stood up from the couch, put your mug in the base of the worn furniture, and let the blanket pool at your knees as you rushed up to the boy and pulled him in your embrace. You might have been too sleepy a minute ago to remember his risky plan for Valentine’s Day, but now that you did, all your worries and gratitude came crashing down on you at once.

‘I’m so happy for you,’ you murmured against his ear, caressing his nape with your slightly trembling hand. ‘How did she take it? Did you stay with her for the night? If so, why are you here? Did you really leave her alone to brag to us about your soulmate in person?’ You threw every question at him that your mind was able to form, scolding him and congratulating him at the same time. Though, you weren’t angry with him anymore for waking you up.

You couldn’t have told when you started to cry or whether it had been you who had shed the first happy tears or Beomgyu. It hardly even mattered when the rest of your friends joined in the hug and you were suddenly sandwiched between Yeonjun and Beomgyu or Taehyun and Beomgyu, fighting for each breath.

You spent the morning in the living room, munching on your omelet, sipping on good coffee, and listening to the boys’ stories from the day before as though you hadn’t been present when Yeonjun had kissed Sakura’s cheek for a free macaron or when Taehyun had pretended to be a foreigner so that the overexcited waiter at the same coffee shop would have stopped giving him relationship advice.

It was around 1PM when Soobin got back from Ansan and around an hour or two later when Sakura and Yeonjun left for dance practice. Still in your pajamas, you were contemplating if you should have gone home, too, but then your best friend proposed an Alice in Borderland marathon that you couldn’t refuse.

‘Do you think we will also meet our soulmates one day?’ You found yourself asking while you were waiting for the popcorn in the kitchen, your thoughts wandering back to Beomgyu and Yerim at the sight of the hot choco Taehyun was preparing for you.

You paid close attention to his body language, praying that your blunt question didn’t upset him. Though, even with all those years behind your back, you couldn’t have been sure what his nonchalant shrug really meant. Did he try to play it cool? Did he truly not care?

‘Probably,’ he said at last, shooting a proud smile in your direction when he slid your mug towards you on the kitchen counter. ‘But I’m perfectly fine with just you and the guys in my life. You nag me almost as much as any real girlfriend would,’ Taehyun teased, the corner of your lips twitching because of his claim. As if he hadn’t nagged you just as much!

The truth was, you were oddly fine with just him and your friends in your life, too, but you didn’t want to give Taehyun another reason to make fun of you. Instead, you jumped on the opportunity and got the popcorn out of the microwave and followed him in his room with two huge bowls of snacks in your hands as though everything had been back to normal and your brain hadn’t tried to sabotage your friendship with memories of when just the two of you with him had been more than enough.

You had always thought that many things would change in your dynamics with your friends once one of you found their soulmate, but Beomgyu showed no signs of wanting to spend less time with any of you. He brought Yerim for your programmes more frequently, but they still had their separate lives and friend groups. The lack of dramatic change brought you comfort and shook you up on another level.

‘I told you to wear your gloves, but you never listen,’ your best friend scolded you as soon as you entered your parents’ house and he caught a glimpse at your scarlet skin while you were getting rid of your coats and boots.

‘I would’ve brought them if someone hadn’t been in such a hurry,’ you retorted with a click of your tongue, not blaming him for your carelessness for real. You knew it was your fault, that he had been only joking when he had said he would have left without you if you hadn’t been outside in a minute, but you didn’t feel like agreeing with him, either.

Instead, you nudged his shoulder with an apologetic smile and rushed to the kitchen to make yourself some hot chocolate. You might have already drunk with a big mug at the outdoor ice rink where you had spent the last couple of hours with your friends and Kim Minju, Soobin’s new hoobae at the broadcasting station, but one could have never had too much hot chocolate in winter break. No one could have convinced you of the opposite.

You took two porcelain mugs out of the cabinet, then stood on your tiptoes to put your hands on the chocolate powder as well when Taehyun grabbed it for you and took your red hands in his own right after he placed the unopened box on the counter. You looked up at him with wide eyes, confusion and something akin to gratitude blending in your orbs.

‘Taehyun?’ You breathed when he lifted your cold hands to his mouth and blew hot air on the sensitive skin. You had to gulp down your growing nervousness when his thumbs started to draw nonfigurative patterns on the back of your hands.

‘Hm?’ He mused, not taking his eyes off those red patches that the unforgiving cold had left on your skin.

A rational part of you knew this was nowhere near the most intimate moment you two shared. You had already exchanged forehead kisses in his bed right before you had fallen asleep, you had held him close for hours when his grandparents’ old Golden Retriever had died, and he had also seen you half-naked when you had lost your bikini top in the sea because of a bigger wave. You had grown up together. Your heart shouldn’t have fluttered from this gesture.

But it did.

‘How do you feel about being around me?’ You asked in a whisper. You could tell the exact moment when your question hit home: it was written on his face, in the way he furrowed his eyebrows and slowly lifted his head. His confusion was scary, it ate away at your confidence, but you had no desire to dance back on your words. Not now when the question was finally out in the open. ‘Is it different from when you’re with others?’ You pushed, just a little more.

Taehyun didn’t let go of your hands, but he took them away from his mouth and let them fall between the both of you. His smile was subtle, but it gave you hope.

‘I mean, you smell a lot better than the guys…’

‘That’s not what I meant,’ you cut him off with an unamused scoff, feeling a bit disappointed and very much vulnerable because of how much you wished to hear an answer that resembled your own messy feelings for him. You would have been so freaking happy with a simple yes, too, without any further explanation, that his answer made you feel worse than any no could have done.

Yet, you didn’t pull your hands out of his.

‘I know that’s not what you meant,’ he said in a neutral voice, his nonchalance mocking you, but you had known him even before you had gotten to know what I love you really meant, so you let the silence settle and used it as a shield. You used every passing second to muster up your courage because you knew that if you had let this opportunity slip through your fingers, it might have taken you years to bring the soulmate topic up again.

You stood still in front of the kitchen counter like a moth frozen in amber and couldn’t make your stiff limbs move even when Taehyun let go of you and walked up to the fridge to get the oat milk out of it.

There had been a time when he had openly hated you for using the word love so carelessly, but you had grown up since then. You had matured. You had learned the difference between admiration, obsession, and love - or so you would have liked to believe.

‘I like being around you. More than I like being around the guys. You’re funny and witty and a real pain in the ass in the best way possible. You know the worst sides of me and you’re still here, motivating me to be better, to do better,’ you started while you were still facing his back because this way it was easier. It wasn’t about momentary excitement for you, it was about something much deeper and a lot more permanent. ‘You know the way to comfort me when I’m upset, you know my favorite snacks, my favorite shows, my favorite everything even though I always claim to have no favorites at all…’

The air stuck in your throat when Taehyun turned around. His facial expressions were hard, but the way his knuckles turned white around the carton made it difficult to distinguish his anger from frustration or fear.

‘Don’t do it. Don’t say–’

‘I love you, Taehyun,’ you confessed nevertheless, telling yourself that it was the right thing to do and that you could have always apologized for your desperation later in case he walked out on you. It was a situation in which both of you were right and wrong, where both of you had your reasons. He had just as much right to be upset with your behavior as much you had to be upset with his refusal.

You would work through the consequences together when you got there.

But to be able to get anywhere together, Taehyun had to say these words back to you and he was clearly wary of doing so. He avoided your eyes and stumbled a step further from you as though you had pulled the rug from under his feet.

Pushing aside your own worries, you took a step closer to him, then another. You didn’t stop until you were standing right in front of him and then… Then, you took his cheeks in your hands and instead of forcing him to look at you, you fondled his skin with your thumbs.

‘It’ll be fine. We will be fine,’ you whispered, afraid that your usual tone or volume could have scared him away. ‘Please.’

Your heart was pulsing in your entire body: you could feel its presence in your neck and the tip of your fingers, but you didn’t tear your gaze away from him. Instead, you gave him as much time as he needed and let him hide his face in the crook of your neck when his feelings came crashing down on him.

Taehyun’s body was trembling in your embrace like leaves in silly autumn weather; his arms clinged onto your torso like you were the only thing that kept him on the surface when he said:

‘I love you, too.’

Because of your position, Taehyun couldn’t see them, but you did: those small, shimmering butterflies Beomgyu had been talking about. They were lingering around you in an uneven circle, never flying too close, but never leaving your sides, either, until their shine slowly faded away. People said they were the phenomenon one could feel in their tummy when they were around their destined lovers, but you weren’t actually sure. What you were certain of, however, was that they were beautiful and Taehyun needed to see them, too.

Your movements were tentative. You pulled away from the boy as gently as you could while you were still stroking his blade bones to soothe his nerves.

‘Look!’ You said quietly as though you were talking to a child. You couldn’t have been sure how long these creatures would have stayed around you to celebrate your bond with Taehyun, but you didn’t want to rush him. Even if you were scared to death that he would miss them and stay forever blind for the fact that you were meant to be.

When he opened his eyes, you saw your own emotions reflecting in his orbs. He seemed a bit more taken aback than you, but you could tell he was relieved and that he accepted your fate as naturally as you did.

Beomgyu was right after all. Sometimes you just knew because you felt it in your guts: the connection that brought you into and kept you in each other’s life.

The butterflies stayed with you for a day, but neither of your friends could see them, so you didn’t bother to tell them about the subtle change in your relationship. At first, you decided to not talk about it to avoid their teasing; later, it would have felt forced to bring it up out of the blue.

Still, none of your dates with Taehyun felt like a secret. You might have kept the PDA low, but you held each other’s hand during your movie nights with your friends and shared a few chaste kisses here and there when it felt natural.

It was almost ridiculous how no one was suspecting a thing with your weekly outdoor dates until Soobin walked in on you two kissing in the kitchen while you were stress baking at their place the week before your exam period. And it was definitely hilarious how fastly the news spread after he excused himself and rushed into his room.

That night, you didn’t have a chance to worry about your exams, because your friends made sure all hell broke loose once they showed up at the door. It was chaotic - empty pizza boxes and half-empty soju bottles all around in the living room -, but your life had never been more amazing.

You still believed soulmates didn’t make one’s life whole: your life had always been and always would be a whole on its own. But being with Taehyun surely made the experience better.

the end.

#taehyun x reader #taehyun x you #txt scenarios #soulmate au #txt fluff #friends to lovers au #ssbyme #kang taehyun #taehyun #taehyun fluff #txt soulmate au

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calpalsworld · 1 month

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I just realized Im over 6 months on T...!!!

My genuine review of T for others who may be considering or just interested in the topic.

Keep in mind that everyone will have different results on T. For me I am on a small dose because my T levels were already high to begin with.

Reasons why I went on T:

Was living out publicly as non binary but I would still feel upset when strangers would misgender me.

Had been wishing that I was more masc body wise and voice wise since at least high school.

Didn't have intense dysphoria but I felt very neutral about my body. It felt strange and like it wasn't progressing how I imagined it would. I had certain features that pissed me off, which I knew T would change.

Dysphoria was triggered in public interactions and when I had to acknowledge my body by myself. I felt like strangers weren't seeing me as me, and felt that I wasn't experiencing my body in the way I wanted to.

Pros:

Everything!!!

Voice that surprises me with how deep it is sometimes. When I lean back against a chair and speak I can feel my diaphragm rumble.

Menstruation stopped almost immediately.

(May be TMI but this is a major thing yet the only thing that I did not know was going to happen before starting). Rapid and significant genital changes. Psychologically helpful for me.

Hairier arms, stomach, and thighs.

Stomach fat and face fat increase. (potentially boob and thigh fat decrease but it may be placebo or just in contrast).

More facial fuzz.

Slightly veinier hands.

Slightly thicker/more muscular arms.

Looking at myself and seeing someone who looks good and confident and masc/butch and feeling great about it. Sometimes I look at myself in the reflections of building windows and get excited.

Being able to discuss T with other friends who are on T.

People misgender me as he/him and a man (Im non binary and go by they/them) more often than misgendering me as she/her and a woman now. This is still not ideal but it bugs me less.

Random queer strangers asking "are you on T!?" and being excited.

Knowing I dont have to live my life as a lie.

Cons:

My pre existing erotophobia (I'm triggered and obsessive over certain things relating to sex) has been activated as I experience new things.

My pre existing paranoia being rebranded into a trans related experience (I worry sometimes people are stalking me and planning to kill me for the slightest things I do wrong, now I worry that its because Im trans). This will go away once I work through my mental illness and internalized bigotry.

Voice hurt when the changes started (like a sore throat for a few weeks as if I was sick).

I cant do a lot of funny voices that I liked doing anymore, but I can do new voices.

New and strange sensations in genital area, during the first few weeks it was very painful (I have Pelvic Floor Dysfunction and Vaginismus so this may not be a universal experience).

Became slightly stinkier and oilier when I started, but it seems to have gone away.

I'm non binary and I still feel connected to women and I get anxious that people won't be able to comprehend that. (examples: others might not like me calling myself "butch" or sharing my experiences with womanhood). But this is internal rather than reflective of anything I've experienced. This may be entirely in my head.

Family awkwardness. Family members assuming crazy stories about how I feel. (generic things like: thinking i hate myself and am scared of men so i want to turn myself into a man?!?!😭😭😭). But friends and others do not assume these things.

(TMI but true) Thick buttcrack hair is annoying.

Future thoughts:

I feel very fortunate that my experience with T is going very well.

I know the best parts of T takes time and patience to become apparent so I am excited that I started at 21.

I am proud of achieving what I thought might only be a fantasy, and I hope I can have access to T for the rest of my life.

#transmasc #testosterone #trans hrt

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connieluvsr · 8 months

Text

ONE OF THE GIRLS | part 1

pairing: (electric) guitarist!jungkook x singer!reader(f)

genre: band au, enemies to lovers, fluff, angst

summary: when your main guitarist gets sick and can’t perform at your show, you get help from someone unexpected.

warnings: swearing and some making out, hot jk:)), drinking, mention of drugs, smoking, slight smut.

a/n: my first story!! hope you’ll enjoy it, i thought of it while listening to one of the girls by the weeknd, jennie, lily rose depp and i was like hmm i think i have an idea)) anyways i have some more works but i dont really have ideas for what to happen next in them😭 enjoy!! Also part 2 is gonna be CRAZY and much better, please wait a bit!!

_________________________________________

“i’m so so so so sorry.” ander sighs and falls back on the couch. “i feel like im disappointing you.”

you shrug, placing your hands into your scalp and gently pulling your hair. “it’s not your fault, i just…” you pause for a bit. “don’t know what i’ll do, it’s over.”

ander gets up and rubs your shoulder. “hey don’t say that, it’s not! you still have time to find someone who can replace me.”

you touch his hand and smile, you knew he really is sorry, but you can’t just try acting fine when you’re not. you dreamed of this since forever, having people come somewhere just to hear you sing. you were the duo everyone knew, he was your guitarist and you were the singer, that’s it, no one else.

you thought you’d find someone to replace him, and you did, actually, but they’re not good enough.

“i’ll just go, it’s getting late, take care hm?” i say while taking my jacket from the hanger.

“bri.. come on, don’t be like that.” he goes after you and takes your arm.

“like what?” you ask with a curious face, thinking what could he possibly say.

he hesitates for a moment before speaking, his eyes searching yours for understanding. “Like you’re giving up! Like… Like you don’t even care anymore. There has to be someone who can help us.. i mean help you.”

you sigh, feeling the weight of the world on your shoulders. “who? we’ve already contacted many musicians and they all sucked. none of them clicked. our sound was perfect, and that’s all”

Ander’s gaze softens, his voice gentle as he speaks “what about… zac’s friend?” he suddenly jumps. “he plays electric guitar right? maybe he could step in.”

you raise an eyebrow, intrigued but skeptical. “yeah i know him. even if he does, he’s Zac’s friend, we barely know him. Also he’s a total ass, he would never agree.” you’re both silent for a moment. “wait! didn’t he fucked up our first show? remember! he wanted to play in our place and his rich mommy made us move dates.” you scoff loudly. “that fucker, no, never, i won’t sing with him.”

ander listens carefully to your frustrations, his expression thoughtful. he understands your reluctance, having experienced the turmoil caused by Zac's friend firsthand. after a moment of silence, Ander speaks, his voice steady, "I get it, Bri. I really do. But people can change. Maybe he's realized his mistakes, and this could be a chance for redemption. Plus, desperate times call for desperate measures. It's just one show, and if he doesn't come through, we'll find another way. But what if he surprises us?"

you're hesitant, the memories of past encounters with Zac's friend clouding your judgment. Ander continues, his tone encouraging, "We won't know unless we try, right? Let's meet him, talk to him, see if he's willing to help. If he shows even a hint of sincerity, we can consider it. And if not, well, at least we'll know we explored all options."

after another hour of talking with ander, reluctantly, you agree to meet with Zac's friend, still skeptical but open to the possibility of him proving you wrong. Deep down, you hope he has indeed changed, but you wont ever forgive him.

“how do we do that? call zac.” i say.

“its late, go get some sleep and we’ll talk tomorrow, ok?” he hugs you tightly before leading you to the door. you say your goodbyes and leave.

“god its 12 am already.” you sigh and call an uber, smartass couldn’t even do it. you take off your mask, thinking of someone. you dial the person and they respond right back

“bri! hi!”

“hi! you still at work?” i ask hoping for a negative answer

“just leaving, what’s up?”

“can you pick me up from ander’s house?”

“what were you- ok we’ll talk in the car, i’ll be there soon, k?”

“thank you”

you waited for your friend to come, and she did finally, after you froze yourself outside. but it’s better than paying that expensive fucking uber.

“hi. thank you again.”

“no prob, now tell me why are you leaving ander’s house at 12 am?”

“you act like we never do music together” you giggle and look at her

“yeah but it’s late tho” she raises an eyebrow she has a point.

“we talked about someone to replace him since he’s got some flu i don’t know and he’s not feeling well.” you take a look on the window

your friend's eyes widen in understanding, her expression softening. "Oh, that sucks. Is he going to be okay?"

you nod, sighing with relief that she didn't press further. "Yeah, he'll be fine. but we're kind of in a tight spot for the upcoming show. we tried finding replacements, but it's been a disaster. Ander suggested Zac's friend, the one who messed up our first show ages ago. I'm not thrilled about it, but we're open for it.”

she raises an eyebrow, clearly skeptical. "Zac's friend? Seriously? After what he did last time? You sure about this?"

You let out a frustrated sigh, running a hand through your hair. "I'm not sure about anything at this point, but we're desperate. If he's changed, even a little, and he can play bass guitar, we might have a chance."

Your friend nods slowly, understanding the gravity of the situation. "Well, I hope for your sake that he's gotten his act together. And if he hasn't, you'll figure something out. You always do."

Her words offer a sliver of comfort in the midst of your uncertainty. As you drive home together, you can't help but feel a mix of anxiety and determination.

“um… should i talk with zac for you?”

“what do you mean? you’re friends? since when?” you ask with a lot of curiosity

“well… we kinda.. hooked up…” she smiles as if she remembers every single detail

“WHAT??” your jaw drops in disbelief, shocked by the revelation. "you hooked up with Zac? When did this happen?"

she chuckles nervously, avoiding your gaze. "It was a while ago, he came to my club and tipped a lot, then asked for a blowjob, i said only if you give me head too and he actually did it” she laughs a bit seeing your shocked expression. “but if it helps you, I can talk to him and see if he can convince his friend to help you out."

you're torn between feeling surprised, betrayed, and oddly hopeful. "i don't know how I feel about this, but if you think he'd listen to you, maybe it's worth a shot. Just... be careful, okay? I don't want any more drama."

she nods, her expression serious. "I promise I'll handle it delicately. I'll talk to Zac and gauge his friend's interest in helping you. We'll see how it goes."

as she drives you home, you can't shake off the mix of emotions swirling inside you. you hope for the best and that he’ll agree and maybe be actually down to earth. you can’t lie you’re not nervous.

————————————————————————

next day you wake up totally in a sweat, the dream of being booed off the stage didn’t help your concerns at all, you felt like you need to talk to him as soon as possible, and hope for the best

taking your time to actually think about how to approach him to agree, but you thought he won’t ever do this for a random stranger, so you thought about avery and zac, she knew she’s make zac convince him.

“i talked to zac”

“and!?” you jump off your bed

“he said y’all should meet beforehand and he’ll see if he wants to, he wants to hear you sing too, but he doesn’t know what’s in for him, so i told zac to tell him… popularity? he’ll be on stage and be known so yeah.”

“AMAZING. GREAT.” you hug her tightly “love you, you’re the best. now where and when should we meet?”

“he said you should go at his studio later tonight. seems cool”

“sounds good to me, now what should i wear?” you look for some clothes

“you seriously think about what to wear? you don’t even know if he’s gonna agree.”

“true, true, but i have to make a good impression , i cant go in adidas sweats.

“yeah, yeah, now should i tell you i have a date with zac?”

“no way!! i’m glad, really!.”

“maybe one day even a double date with… what’s his name? jungkook?” she giggles at your expression.

“with that fucker? no. one show and its over, i get ander to sing with me and that’s all.” you shift in your place and think about ander, you gotta tell him everything.

feeling a mix of excitement and nervousness, you spend the day preparing mentally and emotionally for your meeting with Zac's friend. The thought of finally finding a solution to your musical dilemma fills you with hope, but the fear of rejection lingers in the back of your mind.

“we’re here” says avery and gives you a comforting smile as you head inside.

as you step into the professional studio, a wave of inspiration washes over you. the air is thick with creativity, and the walls are adorned with soundproof panels, the room is dimly lit, the glow from the mixing console casting a warm ambiance over the space. cables snake along the floor, connecting various instruments to the mixing desk, creating a web of musical potential.

the room is a dark gray and a little black, you look around mesmerized, like you never went into a studio, you did, but not like one of those. i wonder how much he spent on all of this, or his family. you correct yourself.

in the corner of the studio, you notice a boy sitting on a stool, his fingers expertly gliding over the strings of a bass guitar. the bass guitar itself is a work of art, its body carved from rich mahogany, the natural wood grain accentuated by a glossy finish.

your thoughts are interrupted by a loud zac “hello girls, finally in jk’s crib!” he smiles widely then takes avery by her hand then places a soft kiss on her jawline, she totally blushes and i can see with the corner of my eyes how unamused jungkook is.

“hi brianna, nice to meet you.” he gives you his hand and smiles.

“you too! you shake his hand but your attention goes to the dark haired boy as he makes a sound to make us all look at him.

“you must be brianna.” he gets up and his hands fall in his huge hoodie pockets.

“yes, i am, and i’ve heard you’re jungkook?”

“you’re chinese?” avery suddenly blurtes.

“avery what the hell?” i ask embarrassed and look at his face, to see his reaction, nothing. “i’m so-“

“korean, if you really wanna know.”

avery realized her mistake and mouthed a sorry, to end the awkwardness i try to say something but he’s faster.

“so, you wanted to replace your guitarist hm?” he asks as he sits down and offers us to do the same, i sit down and take my strands of hair out of my face and fix my skirt.

Jungkook's gaze meets yours, his eyes a shade of deep brown that seems to hold a world of experiences. his tone is casual, yet there's an underlying intensity as he speaks, "yeah, I heard about your situation. mind if I give it a try?"

you nod, appreciating his straightforwardness. "absolutely.”

he picks up the bass guitar, his fingers caressing the strings with a practiced ease. As he starts playing, the studio fills with the low, resonant tones of the instrument. his skills are undeniable, and you can't help but be impressed by the way he effortlessly navigates the fretboard, creating a melody that resonates with the very soul of the song.

Avery and Zac watch in awe, clearly captivated by his performance. you find yourself drawn into the music, feeling the vibrations of the bass reverberate through the room. despite the initial awkwardness, there's a growing sense of excitement. maybe, just maybe, you've found the missing piece to your musical puzzle.

When Jungkook finishes playing, he looks at you, his expression earnest. before you can say how amazing that was, you get "now your turn.”

“i.. ok, what should i sing?” you awkwardly get up.

“you’re asking me?” he says with a confused look, sitting down where your place was.

“n-no just, ok i’ll start.” you nervously laugh and avery gives you a thumbs up making you smile.

“I’ve been posing with red skies,” you begin singing ‘Feet don’t fail me now’ by Joy Crookes, your voice shaky at first but gaining confidence as you delve deeper into the lyrics. with each word, you pour your emotions into the song, your voice resonating with the passion that fuels your music.

as you sing, Jungkook’s intense gaze never leaves you. his eyes reflect the understanding of the emotions you’re trying to convey, and it feels like he’s not just hearing the lyrics but also feeling the soul of the song. Avery and Zac, too, are entranced by your performance, nodding in appreciation as your voice weaves a story through the air.

the studio seems to fade away, leaving only the melody and the raw emotions you’re sharing. Your voice rises and falls, carrying the weight of the lyrics and the hope of a new beginning. In that moment, you’re not just singing; you’re baring your soul, connecting with the very essence of the music.

you finish and get applauses from everyone but jungkook.

“that was amazing” zac says, but don’t want his opinion, you want his friend’s. you wait, and you wait. and he opens his mouth suddenly. “cool.”

you give a confused look “cool?”

“yeah, we might work, rehearsals when i tell you i’m free and at your place.”

you’re taken aback by Jungkook's nonchalant response, but his words sink in. "sure, rehearsals at my place. we’ll work out the schedule," you reply, trying to hide your surprise.

Avery nudges you subtly, her eyes filled with excitement. after the initial tension and uncertainty, it seems like Jungkook is on board, even if his demeanor is more reserved than enthusiastic. you decide not to dwell on his reaction, choosing to focus on the opportunity ahead.

"thank you, Jungkook. we appreciate you giving us a chance," you say, mustering a smile.

he simply nods, his expression unreadable. despite the lack of exuberance, you can sense his commitment to the collaboration. with the pieces falling into place, you're eager to start rehearsals and see how this unexpected partnership will unfold.

Zac and jungkook watch you leave and zac places a hand on his shoulder

“what was that bro? you don’t know how to flirt, at least you were cool with the “at your place”

“you dumb fuck, i don’t want to flirt, i just need more recognition, that’s why i’m doing that, and i can’t here since dad comes with his artists you forgot?”

Zac raises an eyebrow, his surprise evident. "recognition ? buy you're incredibly talented, Jungkook. you’re practically a musical genius. ehh do you need more recognition? you forget your dad can put you all over the city’s billboards?”

Jungkook's gaze flickers, a mix of frustration and determination in his eyes. "it’s not about money, zac . it’s about proving myself, making my own mark without relying on my family's name. i want people to see me for who I am, not just as someone's son. and helping brianna, it's a step towards that."

Zac's expression softens, understanding dawning in his eyes. "i get it, man. we all have our struggles. just remember, we believe in you, not because of your last name, but because of your music."

Jungkook nods, appreciating zac’s support. "thanks, Zac. just hope I can live up to your expectations."

"You will," Zac says, clapping Jungkook on the back.

————————————————————————

your phone buzzes with an unknown number, and curiosity piques your interest as you answer the call. "hello? who’s this?" you inquire, your voice laced with suspicion.

"jungkook," comes the curt response from the other end of the line. shocked and unprepared, you hold back the exasperation that bubbles up within you. you didn't miss his arrogant tone, but deep down, you knew you needed him.

"yeah, Jungkook?" you reply, your voice dripping with sarcasm, emphasizing the unnecessary delay in his introduction.

"meeting tonight. gotta talk about some stuff and all," he states, his tone bored, as if discussing your collaboration is a mundane chore for him.

"aren’t you gonna ask if I'm free?" you retort, refusing to let his dismissive attitude go unchallenged.

"don’t try to act busy," he says, his words carrying a mocking tone. you can practically hear the smirk in his voice, and it infuriates you. He's clearly relishing this power play.

"i’m pretty busy, actually, but tonight I'm free. Come around 7 pm," you inform him, trying to assert a semblance of control over the situation.

"9? Okay," he counters, his response catching you off guard.

"what—" you begin to protest, but he ends the call abruptly, leaving you fuming with frustration. The audacity of the man infuriates you.

puzzled and slightly unnerved, you find yourself questioning how Jungkook got hold of your number. the mystery gnaws at your thoughts, prompting you to dial Avery's number, seeking clarification.

"hey Ave, you gave Jungkook my phone number?" you ask, your voice tinged with confusion and concern.

"hey, babe, no, why?" Avery responds, her confusion mirroring your own.

"he called me about meeting tonight. Are you sure? Maybe you gave it to Zac, and Zac gave it to him?" you suggest, trying to understand.

"damrn, no, i haven't," Avery replies, her voice filled with genuine surprise. There's a brief pause before she continues, her tone taking on a mischievous edge, "That's quite weird. Oh, also..." She bursts into giggles, and you can't help but sigh in exasperation.

"tonight at yours, huh?" she teases, her laughter spilling through the phone.

"gosh, stop, I'm hanging up," you grumble, rolling your eyes at her antics.

"no, wait! But something important!" she insists, her tone turning serious for a moment.

"what?" you ask, unable to resist the curiosity despite your annoyance.

"wear protection!" she says, her laughter bubbling up again, and you can't help but groan at her audacity.

"bye," you retort, deciding it's best to end the call before she can come up with any more embarrassing suggestions. Hanging up, you're left with a mix of confusion, irritation, and a reluctant smile at Avery's playful antics. As you prepare for the evening's meeting, you can't shake the feeling that dealing with Jungkook will be far more complicated than you initially anticipated.

——-

a/n : part 1!! i cant believe i finally posted this. i wanted to make it as one part but it was sooo long.

i hope you enjoyed it! also if you might find grammar errors its because english isnt my first language!

(any recs and tips are gladly taken since im new to tumblr!)

#bts jk #jungkook #jk #jeongguk #jk x reader #jk x you #jeon jk #jeon jungkook #jungkook and reader #jungkook x oc #taehyung #bts jungkook #bts #bts fanfic #bts x reader

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secretsofiety · 4 months

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Why am i just now finding out about the word “limerence?”

I was reading about my 8th house Venus on Reddit and someone mentioned the word and how people with this placement can often confuse love with limerence. I never heard of the word before so i had to google it and boy….. this explains a lot lmao.

I just watched a video on how limerence can be a way that you subconsciously self regulate. Especially when you’re going through something traumatic or going through a big change in life. In the video, the woman talks about how during these life upheavals, we be needing emotional connection and to basically feel like we have someone to talk to during these times and when we feel like we don’t have that outlet, the limerence comes in and we create a fantasy surrounding a particular person that borders on obsession.

I have Venus in the 8th house in both system. In tropical i have 7th house ruler in the 8th house + Venus in Scorpio. and in sidereal i have 8h Venus + 8h ruler in its own house.

Whenever i do research on these placements i see a lot of things about obsession but no one ever mentions the root of said problem.

Anyways, after watching that video i was thinking back to the 2 times i experienced limerence and its like a lightbulb went off.

8th house rules death, transformations, misfortune, and extreme ups and downs.

My 3rd house (transportation) ruler is in the 8th house and I remember my first time acting like a crazy obsessed stalker was after i got into an accident and destroyed my first car. I was in high school and i had JUST got that car a few months before the accident and that shit devastated me. My moon is in the 3rd house and i have an emotional connection to my cars. Having a car to me is freedom and i felt like my freedom was taken away. I was also suddenly going through a bunch of other shit around that time. but a month before it happened, i had just semi-ended a situation-ship with the person who took my virginity after he basically dropped me for someone else. It’s so crazy cause i remember being fine and chill about the whole situation with that person but then i got into that accident and it’s like something switched in my brain lmao. It took me almost 2 years to recover from that obsession.

I don’t think i wanna get into the story of The 2nd time i experienced limerence because it’s way too personal but i do know that it was another situationship that i knew wasn’t going anywhere. And again, initially when things ended i was really cool and chill about it. Even got into a relationship with someone who treated me good until something unrelated *happened* almost a year of being no contact with the other person. and the situation cause that switch in my brain to activate my nutty side😭

I’m happy that i know this now so that i can stop it from happening in the future. But it also makes me sad because those were some dark dark times that i always promise myself that i would never go back to. No one, and i mean literally no one, knows the extent of how bad life was for me from 18-22. Everyday I wish i could go back in time and talk to my younger self. I’m literally crying now as i type this cause i remember feeling soso lost and i feel so bad for younger me. I feel like i failed her.

#Venus in the 8th house #8th house Venus #eighth house Venus #eighth house #8th house #3rd house ruler in 8th house #Venus in Scorpio #Scorpio Venus #7th house ruler in 8th house

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hyperactive-cowboy · 5 months

Text

So that's the second chapter of the landoscar christmas series, I have literally no idea of how to make a link between this chapter and the first one, so if you want to read it then you'll have to search it yourself, but it is my last post so no big problem. You have probably realized it, but I got inspired to write this story by "All I want for Christmas", so the titles of the chapters are part of the lyrics. As always if you have suggestions or there are issues with the story don't be shy kidsss. Oh and if someone can tell me how to make the link I'd be grateful for my life. ENJOYYYY

Make my wish come true

Warnings: like one curse word at the start and one at the end (I don't even know if those are considered curse words), the littlest angst and fluff. Some words are translated with google because english is not my first lenguage. It's not beta read because I don't have the energy to do it right now as I had planned on finishing the series in 2023 but here I am.

Ship: F1 involved!Lando Norris × not F1 involved!Oscar Piastri (established relationship)

Wc: 3.3k

Chapter 1, 2, 3

Summary: Max and Logan help Lando in his little gremlin plan to propose to Oscar during their christmas party.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Max's phone rang in the exact moment his dream was at its climax, waking him up without letting him know the finale of it.

Max looked at who was calling at such an hour in the morning.

It was Lando. Then probably it wasn't important.

Max deactivated the sound and left the vibration on, trying to fall asleep again just to see the end of his dream, but the buzzing wouldn't stop.

With a mix of frustration and malcontent for his not-well-started Wednesday morning, Max took the phone and answered his best friend.

"What do you want" he asked abruptly

"'Morning sunshine, I also miss my best friend so much" Lando answered sarcastically and Max could perfectly picture in his head the wide tooth-gaped smile his best friend almost certainly had on his face.

"It's not a good morning when it starts like this" Max returned.

Lando, on the other hand, laughed at his friend's distress. Max knew that, sooner or later, he would've killed his best friend.

"Anyways, I'm sorry for your pain, but I've just got an idea" it surely wasn't a good start. Every time Lando said stuff like that, it didn't end well.

"Oh god"

"I want to propose to Oscar"

"OH GOD"

Suddenly Max was sitting on the bed, totally awake and vigile.

He didn't know what to say. Well actually there were too many things he wanted to say but couldn't choose which one to say first. Between the "when?" The"where?" and the "Why?"s.

Instead, his mouth (apparently not connected with his brain) deliberately and on its own expressed all his emotions at once.

"What the fuck"

"Yep it was pretty explanatory"

Neither of them knew how to behave. Obviously some people they both knew have got married before, but neither Lando nor Max have ever experienced a crazy idea like that.

"So… when?" The moment Max started to metabolize the news, he also began to like it in some weird way.

He knew the two have been together for some time and (at least for Lando) have also been pining over each other for even longer, so it was logical that one of them would've done the big step in a short time.

"Okay, well, that's my plan…"

Lando started to explain The Big Plan to his best friend, who was more excited every new sentence he heard.

Max had known him for so many years and has always thought of him as more immature and childish than other people their age, but he was sure Lando would've made the perfect husband to Oscar.

This train of thoughts continued and extended in every direction that included memories of Lando, the emotions took over him and made his eyes water a bit. But thinking about it, those words were good, he should've taken notes for his best man's speech.

"Let's recap it from the start once again" Max read on his phone. It was at least the 25th time Lando had asked him to repeat The Plan. He was sure he could've acted even other people's parts in the show.

"Dear god I only have to say yes when he asks me about the party" Max texted back.

"It's not difficult" then he added just to emphasize the pointlessness of Lando's worries.

"Don't you dare make fun of me I'm just anxious, it's normal I guess" Lando's answer arrived in no time

Max smiled to himself shaking his head. Some things never change, he thought while unfolding all the memories with his best friend and rewatching every time Lando acted anxious. There were a few.

"If your calculus are right, he's calling me in ten minutes, so maybe I should get ready to answer him?" Max asked, trying to find an excuse to not leave his friend on seen in this particular situation.

Lando texted just a "yeah you're right" and then left the chat.

Max sighed and closed his phone, just to get his hands on his face and rub his eyes.

"Hey Osc, long time no see" is the sentence Max and Lando have accorded for him to say, and he did it spectacularly. As if he hasn't repeated it for the past twenty minutes without a single stop.

"Yeah it has been a tough period. We were planning a christmas party at our place on wednesday, are you in?" Oscar asked him.

"But isn't Lando away?" He was trying really, really hard not to abruptly laugh and scream at Oscar's ear.

"Yeah, in fact we wanted to do this thing together, but then he was called away and we can't postpone it anymore" Max thought he sounded a little exasperated.

He felt his lungs expand and contract without an order, his cheeks had become red and swollen, in his eyes there were tears for holding it back, but then he couldn't take it anymore.

Max let out a soft giggle, but that giggle meant to him like the most powerful and exorbitant laughter he had ever had, mostly because he felt (he could literally touch it) the importance of his position in there.

"Yeah I think I'll be there"

"K, thanks mate" Oscar sounded pretty hesitant with his answer. "And you can come with who you want" he then added.

"Great, thanks. Bye" Max hung up just right before exploding in what he thought was one of the biggest laughs of his life.

He didn't know the cause of this, but that situation was so funny to him. Maybe it was just the stress. Most probably it was just the stress. But why should he be stressed? It wasn't even his proposal. What would have happened when it was HIS time to take the big step? Max didn't even want to think about it for a minute.

He jumped back to reality and immediately opened his and Lando's chat to update him.

Max rang the doorbell of his best friend's house and waited for his best friend's boyfriend (and next-to-be fiance) to open the door.

"Never saw you awake this early"

Oh right! Oscar's humor was something he could never forget about.

"I'm happy to see you too" Max stated with the biggest smile stamped on his face. He patted the boy's shoulders with both his hands and looked him down, trying to imagine the guy with a different surname (something like Norris) and a different look (a smoking might be ideal, and maybe a golden ring on that finger could be even better).

"Yeah" Oscar mouthed with a raised eyebrow and a confused expression.

Max entered the house without needing a welcome. He treated it like it was his, he didn't care if the actual owner was okay with it. At least he could say the same happened every time Lando and Oscar were at his place.

"What are you doing here?"

If there was another person in the room, they could've heard three voices ask the same question at the same time.

"No no no. I asked you first" Logan yelled at Max getting up pretty fast from the couch he was previously lying on.

"Well yes man, but really why are YOU here" he repeated.

"I'm here to help Oscar. And you?"

"I'm too"

Max and Logan looked at each other with a slightly confused stare, narrowing their gazes and tilting their head to one side or the other.

Oscar cleared his voice behind them and just then he realized he couldn't tell Logan what he was about to. ("Well, actually I'm here to help Lando" would've been his response).

"Max, can I ask you to get away from my home? I already have enough help" The youngest boy looked exhausted. It must be tiring to project an event like this almost alone and with his boyfriend hundred of miles away from him.

He could not understand, but he surely could pity him.

"I'm very sorry Oscar, but I'm not leaving this house until tonight"

"Okay then" he looked more exasperated every sentence.

"Don't worry. This will be the best party you've ever been to"

"Do I have to remind you this is MY house? Maybe I should be the one preparing it" Oscar pointed out almost ironically.

"We will be better than you, trust me" Logan, who has been silent the entirety of the time, had stepped in the conversation to support him, and Max couldn't be more grateful.

With all due care, Oscar left his house in his friend's hands and headed to work.

Max and Logan had only six hours and a half to transform that house into a HOUSE.

"So why are you here really?" Logan broke the silence, leaning on the shopping cart as he pushed it.

The two were at the mall searching for cute items and classic christmas stuff to hang here and there in the house to make it look more comfortable.

They have given themselves a specific and perfectly timed list to follow religiously: the times were calculated per second and the both of them had certain works to complete.

"Lando wants to propose Oscar tonight" Max let out.

"LANDO WANTS TO WHAT?'' Logan cried out in the middle of the cheese island, standing up like he was electrocuted and launching three slices of gruyere into the cart.

"SHHH why are you screaming?" Max whisper-yelled at him.

"Oh ya know? It's just my best friend getting married to yours, why aren't YOU screaming?" Logan replied in the same voice tone.

"I've already had my screaming session a week ago" he explained.

Max looked at his clock and calculated there were two minutes of delay in their schedule.

Logan looked around himself in disbelief, pinching his own cheeks to make sure he was not living a dream.

He looked at Max right in his eyes for the first time in their entire lives.

"Then we have to make sure we do the best of it" Logan stated resolutely, speeding even more than before, driving his shopping cart like a formula 1 car.

"You go bake the cookies, I'll get the house aesthetically ready"

Max nodded at his newfound friend and sprinted into the kitchen to prepare all the ingredients he needed.

Right after putting on his freshly-bought apron, his phone started vibrating.

Max boringly looked at the screen and would've even hung up, but noticing Lando's nickname on it, he thought it was preferible answering, after all that work.

He accepted the call and put on the speaker while calling Logan to make him participate at the "meeting".

"Everything's okay?" Lando's altered voice sounded more worried than Max had ever heard him.

He took a moment to appreciate the fact that his best friend was giving this plan all his soul. You could know how much he cared about Oscar (or generally about his loved ones, even if he didn't show it that much) just by hearing his preoccupied voice.

"Yep, we're almost ready" Logan answered, just as joyful as Max.

"Wait, who was that?"

"It's Logan. I know everything and I couldn't agree more with you on this decision" his face was stamped with a smile from ear to ear and his eyes shone brighter than the stars.

"Oh hey Log sorry, didn't know you were there too. Does he suspect anything?"

"There is absolutely no way he could. We were silent as a grave" Max answered, almost kicking his feet like a schoolgirl.

"Well then-" Lando's sentence start was interrupted by a not a little hasty Max, who was sure he was about to scream.

"Now that you have secured yours and our wellbeing, can we finish our work? We have a pretty full agenda to follow"

"Oh okay then, I'm halfway there anyways"

"Yeah yeah, you know where I keep my second set of keys" and without another word, he hung up the phone just as fast as they both came back to their respective jobs in the house.

"Hey that chocolate dough looks fantastic" Logan laughed entering the kitchen, looking at a totally covered in chocolate dough Max.

"Where? I thought I cleaned everything" Max responded.

Logan sighed and continued his laugh, then threw a clean kitchen towel at him, telling him where he was still dirty while taking a seat to taste what they had prepared during the evening.

"It's not that bad" he exclaimed, chewing the biggest bite of cheese and ham toast Max had ever seen.

Logan raised the volume of his phone when he heard the first bits of "Last Christmas" were playing.

By then, the trust between the two was near to the one in a years-long friendship, after all those hours spent together and a common goal in mind. For this sole reason, Logan felt confident enough to start singing his favorite Christmas song.

Max turned around with a shocked look. Not because Logan's singing skills were terrible, well not only because of this, but because he didn't think Logan was one to start singing around what was a stranger until a few hours before.

And again his emotions changed, his heart melting a little. Logan singing like this in front of him meant that he trusted him enough to show him his silly side.

Max decided to match his energy and start wiggling his hips and dancing a little around the room.

The two were so lost in the moment they couldn't hear the owner of the house entering firstly the place, and then the kitchen.

"What in the world you two?" Oscar looked totally agape.

Max and Logan fastly looked at each other and the american jumped between his best friend and his new one to try protecting him from any crazy action the Aussie could have done.

Max and Logan both knew Oscar wasn't one for physical contact, (everybody around him knew it) and because of it they were used to him never touching them. This was why, when they saw him coming this close so fastly, they were scared Oscar was about to stab one or both of them with a random pointy ornament found in the home.

It must've been a particularly shocking period for Max.

First Lando's announcement, then Logan's new friendship, and now a hug from Oscar.

"Thank you for everything" Max and Logan heard Oscar's muffled voice buried in their clothes and both moved a little because of the little gesture.

"That's no problem mate, really" Max assured him.

"C'mon now, there's people arriving here to party" Logan tried to lighten up the mood, receiving the tiniest and cutest laugh from Oscar.

"I don't think it's the worst idea you've had until now" Max whisper-screamed at his phone in his best friend's kitchen while everybody else, including Oscar, in the living room was living their best life.

It was at least the fourth phrase he had heard from Lando about what he thought could be the best starter of his proposal-speech.

"Well, at least not the weirdest" he continued.

"Ehy!" Lando laughed at him, but still his stress wasn't relieved, not even a bit.

Max, for the fiftieth time, didn't know how to act.

Like, what did he have to say? Something funny to let the pressure decrease? Or something meaningful to be That One friend for once?

He decided that saying nothing was the best option. For both, him and his friend. He was, actually, not a hundred percent sure about it, but on the spot he failed to think about anything better.

"I think it's better if I go now" Max admitted after a few moments of silence.

He received a "yeah" as an answer and immediately hung up.

Max was totally sure there were more mature things to do than he, seconds after, did. But, unfortunately, less mature things are usually the more spontaneous ones.

This is why, when his phone turned on again, seeing the new message from Lando and texted him back, the only natural thing to do that came to his mind was to start jumping and giggling, just like a schoolgirl.

He got only one thing not calculated in his mind: the fact that Oscar might be keen on entering his own kitchen for whatever reason.

So when he turned around to face the exit, he found there on the door an astonished Oscar staring at him.

Max couldn't tell what was open wider: Oscar's eyes or his mouth.

Anyway, he had to think about a not-too-much- suspicious reaction on the spot. And surely he had never been good at thinking on the spot.

That's the reason why the first thing Max did was rebuking him, closing the door on his face.

Just a single moment after he thought that maybe his actions were more suspicious than anything else he could have done.

With a worried expression folding his eyebrows, Max took his phone from the marble table's surface again and fastly texted to his friend he might have done something wrong.

"I'm here"

This was the message he had been waiting for the entire time, but now that Lando had sent it to him, Max was starting to get agitated again, knowing exactly what it meant.

"Is everything ready?" Was the following text he received, to which he answered with a "gimme 5 mins"

The only three things he had to do were: inform Logan, inform every other guest and prepare Oscar.

The guests heard the news with surprise and loving eyes, while Logan started to sweat a bit.

Last point on his list was to take Oscar in front of the entrance and then his work would be done perfectly.

But where the hell was Oscar? He had asked Liam, Max (the other one) and even Niran, but they knew less than him. So he searched in every room of the house, even the bathroom, but when he had knocked on the bathroom door, Logan's voice had answered him.

Max asked his and Lando's long time friend to text the next-to-be fiance and tell him to wait.

He tried to think about what could have happened: Lando would have rang the doorbell and Max would've opened the door instead of Oscar and Lando would've found his best friend instead of the love of his life in front of him (already on one knee and with the ring box open and about to repeat the speech he had been talking about for weeks) and then Lando would've asked him "what the hell?" and then he should have answered him with something like "I'm sorry for the inconvenience, but we have lost your future husband, we apologize for the unease" and what could've been Lando's reaction to it all?

Max's morbius thoughts were taking such a part of his brain, he didn't realize Logan had taken Oscar all the way in the living room, just right before entering the entrance.

When Max turned around and saw him, immediately looked at his friend Niran, winking at him as a way to give him the signal for Lando to ring.

All the guests were ready with their phones in their hands, faking sending and receiving messages or searching for something on google. Actually they were all about to flash the lights of their phones to make the atmosphere, using the devices just like in the 70s they used lighters.

Except for Charles: he was the one in charge of recording the video, in fact he had the best position of sight.

Max got out of the kitchen as the doorbell rang and Oscar (in a new outfit) rushed to open the door.

"My guest must've arrived" he announced looking at the young Aussie.

From his point of view, Max couldn't properly see all the scene, so he moved through the tangle of guests to crouch down one step away from Charles.

From there, Max could see everything perfectly: Oscar's (flabbergasted, he might add) expression, the fabulous ring, and most importantly his kneeling best friend and the biggest smile he had ever seen on his face.

#f1 #formula 1 #charles leclerc #landoscar fic #landoscar #lando norris #oscar piastrixlando norris #oscar piastri #f1 fic #logan sargeant #max fewtrell #max verstappen #f1 fluff #fluff

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