Having low testosterone is torturous seriously, if anyone want to send me a message to talk or something is welcome. I need to interact with people so much.
Posting my video on here from TikTok. It’s been a hot minute since I was active on this account but dang, this is where it all started 10+ years ago. I MISS Y’ALL 😭
Everyone told me testosterone would make me angrier. My family has a habit of attributing any anger I feel these days to the testosterone. I didn't feel any angrier, but my mother would still tell me that no, I am angrier now, and testosterone did make me angrier and *she* could tell.
A week or two ago, I got my proof to the contrary. I'd been having a difficult day, woke up late, and had to rush out the door, ran into minor inconvenience after minor inconvenience, and then the straw broke the camel's back.
I wrote out the kind of angry vindictive seething text message I used to write constantly. I didn't send it, of course, I copied it out and pasted it in the folder of my notes where I put all my rage venting.
And then I thought.
Huh, it's been a little while since I did that. And I checked the time and dates on my previous notes. The last one was a few days before I started testosterone.
And scrolling back, I noticed that they were *constant* at least one a week for *years* I used to get so angry that I would get the serious urge to say cruel hurtful things to or about people I cared about on a near-daily basis. I didn't realize how big of a problem it was until all of a sudden I hadn't gotten that angry in Eleven Months. Nearly a YEAR.
And then I realized in my rush to get out the door in the morning, I hadn't taken my T shot. My testosterone was the lowest it's been since August.
All of a sudden, I had demonstrable proof that testosterone really did make me less angry. That all that "you may not think you're any angrier but you are" was bullshit.
I feel like I should be angrier about this than I am. I know how angry I used to get. About everything. I just felt it again for the first time in a while. For once, it would feel justified to be that angry. But I'm not. I'm not mad. I'm just... disappointed, I guess.
starting HRT doesn't have to be a huge momentous all-or-nothing decision. you can just try it like you would an antidepressant you've been informed of the risks of.
there won't be any immediate irreversible changes overnight. you can always stop, change your dose, change your delivery system, decide it's not the right time. you can even microdose if you want to.
you don't have to tell anyone. you don't have to announce it if you don't want to.
stop waiting for a perfect time in your life because it won't come.
stop waiting to reach a mythical level of certainty that never comes to anyone, for anything.
you've been thinking about it long enough. if you have the opportunity, just give it a shot. you're worth the courage it takes to make a change in your life.
the idea that testosterone is a dangerous hormone that inherently makes someone domineering and difficult to be around is transphobic all round, leaning on bioessentialism.
for trans men and transmascs, we are warned against medical transition for fear that we may lose our agreeableness and perceived passivity. we are seen as potential aggressors after going on it.
trans woman and transfems have any testosterone in their system, whether on hrt or not, held over them like an original sin that can not be escaped that positions them as more aggressive and dangerous. it is seen as something that threatens their womanhood and can be brought up against them at any time to revoke it.
testosterone is not an evil hormone. it does not change your moral character. it does good for some and bad for others, like any other hormone.
PSA for trans people, trans mascs and fems, and enbies & intersex folks on T or E injections (or injections in general):
Your injections should AT WORST feel like a hard pinch if you hit a vein on accident. It should NOT sting the whole time, itch, be tender for more than a day, and should not cause significant bruising. (Edit!: This is the weekly injections, the monthly or longer lasting injections are sore for a while because the liquid is THICC.)
I was not told this when I started, and missed that I was allergic to my shots for the first 2 months I was on T. There is more than one type of carrier oil, and the type of T they prescribe most often is more likely to have allergic reactions (cypionate with cottonseed oil). You should not have to suffer more just to get your gender juice. You can also gain allergies over time, so if you start experiencing these symptoms, check in with your doctor!
(Another Edit: PLEASE talk to your doctor before assuming stuff, I'm just a guy on the internet trying to make sure that y'all have more info.)
Tips for less painful/irritated injections I've gotten from people (all anecdotal, again, check with your doc):
-Intramuscular injections are usually less likely to be irritated than subcutaneous ones.
-Lightly wiping down the needle you are going to inject with with some rubbing alcohol before injecting. (Make sure it dries)
-Rub VERY hard with your alcohol wipe before injecting to numb up the skin a little bit.
-Make sure to rub the vial between your hands to warm it before using the draw up needle. It makes the fluid less thick, so it’s less painful to inject.
you do not have to be a trans man to go on testosterone. you do not have to be a trans woman to go on estrogen. whether you're intersex, nonbinary, genderqueer, genderfluid, gender non conforming, multigender, a drag performer, crossdresser or genderfucker, if you want to go on HRT and it won't interfere with your physical health, you can. testosterone is not for men and estrogen is not for women, hormones are not gendered