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ohdeerfully · 1 month

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hii! i just read everything you've posted and am obsessed. can you possibly write an alastor x fallen angel!reader? i would just love to see the interactions! -🐈‍⬛ anon

HIII 🐈‍⬛ im sorry this took one hundred thousand days to write. but at least its fairly long!!!!!! 4k words

honestly i cant imagine alastor warming up to an angel very quickly, like he would probably haaate reader for a long time before being like "actually u know what <3"

though that being said this can definitely be read as a platonic story since theres no romance (though maybe ill write a romantic fallen!reader someday)

anyway hope u enjoy!! mwah!

Welcome to Hell

alastor x reader TW: heavy descriptions of gore WITH the reader, reader is heavily wounded, alastors a dick, cursing obviously, thats it i think join my discord!

PLS READ: im putting the story immediately under a read more because it jumps really quickly into gore, so if ur uncomfy with that please dont read on!

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“Hey, bitch,” A dangerously whispered voice spoke in your ear after you shooed away a small demon, sending all the warning bells in your body ringing. You stood and braced yourself to run, but—

The sensation of bone and arteries being savagely torn from your shoulder blades sent flaming, white hot pain through your body, setting every nerve ablaze and prompting a scream of agony through your lips. Your throat quickly became sore with the intensity of your cries as you crumpled over yourself, tightening your arms around yourself in a useless attempt at comforting the pain away.

Knife-like sensations rolled through your body, leaving you struggling to catch your breath and see through tears. You lifted your gaze from your trembling, bloody-gold hand onto the two who stood above you, one looking down with a twisted smirk and the other a disgusted sneer. The man still held your ripped wings between his claws. You could barely hear the ambience of terrified screaming that surrounded you through the heartbeat in your ears.

“Angels like you sicken me,” Lute said, chin tilted up in superiority. “You don’t even deserve that title.” She brought a foot up and then down onto your shoulder, shoving you onto your chest. The movement made you scream as another flash of pain ignited in your back. You balled your hands into fists, pulling them against your chest as you pressed your forehead against the hot ground, trying to catch your breath once again.

You sat, hunched, for what felt like hours. Maybe it was hours, as when you finally came to your senses the atmosphere was eerily silent. Adam and Lute were long gone. You only heard the faint noise of cannibalistic demons tearing apart bodies, and the occasional rustle of trash or paper being thrown in the wind across a deserted street. The recognition made you sit up—oh, shit, too fast. Your vision practically vanished as your head became light. You tried to catch yourself with your hands before you fell backwards, but considering the nature of your wound; ripped flesh directly over your shoulder blades… your elbows buckled at the intense sting.

I’m so fucking stupid, you cursed yourself as you contemplated your situation, deciding that it would be better to not try to stand up and walk around right now. Honestly, you’d be surprised if bloodloss didn’t kill you, considering the glistening puddle that had formed around you. You had managed to slowly scoot into a somewhat secluded corner and rested your head against the brick wall. Uncomfortable, but all things considered… it might as well be a five star hotel bed to you. Your eyes shut.

“Come on—...never know-”

“If you think— unpredictable—”

The two things you noticed when you came to were a broken conversation and an uncomfortable prickling sensation on your skin. You struggled to crack open your eyes, dried blood nearly pasting your left eye together. When you finally managed, you still had trouble focusing.

Two blurry, tall demons stood in front of you. Despite the fact they were demons, it felt considerably less imposing than the two that were in front of you earlier that day—was it still the same day? Still, you were on high alert and grabbed for where you thought you had left your weapon. You palmed at empty concrete. You cursed both at the lack of your tool for self defense and at the fact the two noticed you were now conscious.

“I do hope you don’t mind,” An amused bark of laughter erupted from the taller of the two, which forced your gaze back towards them. “We confiscated your little prong for our safety.” You blinked rapidly, squinting slightly till you could finally focus your eyes and actually get a good look at them. Surely enough, your trusty spear was held tightly between red claws.

To your right was an oddly friendly looking girl with blond hair and the reddest cheeks you had ever seen, who stood with a slight bend at the hip and hands on her knees as she peered down at you. Her brows were turned up and furrowed with what you guessed was worry, although the thought was shocking considering… the circumstances, you mused gravely when another rush of throbbing pain coursed through your body, reminding you of the giant wound on your back. You hadn’t noticed yourself wince, but the woman in front of you did, what with the way her hand shot forward as if wanting to help you. She paused, unsure.

You turned your head to the voice, taking in the demon next to her. He was just a bit taller, and incredibly… red. Red coat, red hair, red eyes… a little excessive, maybe—though, it didn’t really matter what you thought of his fashion choices, because the overwhelming and ominous feeling of dread ensnared your thoughts. He bent at the hip in a similar manner to the girl next to him, though the movement seemed somehow much less natural. The ever-present radio noise in the air increased in volume as his face inched closer. Meeting his gaze seemed to cause your mind to fill with a buzzing emptiness, prickling your entire being and causing your skin to tickle with goosebumps. Although you’ve never met him before, you knew by aura alone the power he held, especially over you in this situation. It was frankly obvious that he knew, too, for he stood with practiced leisure, leaning his weight onto his cane with one hand as he fidgeted curiously with your spear in the other. You immediately switched your gaze towards the friendlier of the two, who still seemed to be fighting a mental war, her still outstretched hand twitching as she considered her next move.

With a brief, sideways look towards her companion, she smiled gently and outstretched her hand in your direction. You eyed it suspiciously, gaze flicking between her and her hand. She had to have ulterior motives, right? Maybe she was just leading you somewhere where you could be finished off. Or something. Adam always insisted that the demons were far to “fucking stupid” to know how to hurt, let alone kill an angel, but that doesn’t mean they wouldn’t resort to various strange experiments and tests. They were demons, after all. In Hell.

Though, you had to admit to yourself with a sigh, at this point, I’m not any different than them. You figured “fallen angel” could even be a worse title than demon, because how horrible of a being do you have to be to fall from holy stature? Was saving the life of a demon, a child, at that, so evil?

It wasn’t worth thinking about, you decided. You were here. In Hell. Fuck.

You raised an embarrassingly trembling hand and cautiously received her own, and fought yourself to keep from ripping away as her slender fingers wrapped over yours. You were watching her movements sharply, nearly flinching when her black manicured nails glinted as they caught a light. Even still, her expression regarded you with so much undeserved compassion, a softness in the subtle curve of her eye, that you let your shoulders relax. She pulled you gingerly to your feet, and caught you against her steady shoulder when you nearly fell.

“I’m Charlie, by the way,” She said. Although she seemed hesitant earlier, every minute that passed seemed to confirm some unknown idea in her head as she slowly grew more vibrant and excited. Even still, she remained otherwise calm and gentle, her body holding strong to support nearly your full weight. She shot a look at the other demon.

“Oh! I apologize for my manners,” You weren’t even lookin at him—his voice alone sent a weird feeling down your back. You turned to look. “Alastor! A pleasure to meet you my dear, quite a pleasure!”

You finally turned to look, and noticed he didn’t hold his hand out, but rather the blunt end of your spear. When you reached to grab it, maybe to yank it away from him—not that you had any intention of fighting back at this point—you found that he still held a vice-like grip to it. When your fingers closed around the stick, he merely shook it, as if the weapon was an extension of his own hand. You weren’t really sure whether or not to take it as an insult.

Charlie seemed indifferent to Alastor’s antics, and you started a bit when she seemed unable to control herself any longer, and began blabbering about some hotel and some plan she had. She spoke with such a furious speed that you wondered if anybody could decode her words. She paused, suddenly, to take in a long breath, but the other demon interrupted her before she could begin again.

“Charlie, while I love watching you try so desperately, I’m not sure beings of their ilk are fit for your idea.”

Ilk? Sure, you understood him holding caution to your presence, considering you were an angel, but come on! Circumstances have changed for you! You opened your mouth, planning to make some retort (that you had not yet planned out) but Charlie quickly beat you to it.

“No! Alastor, come on, I know they’re… was one of them, but that gives them all the more reason to want to follow my plan… right..?” She looked down at you, where you still leaned heavily on her shoulder as the three of you slowly walked down the street. You honestly weren’t sure what they were talking about—you barely managed to catch a single word she rattled about earlier. You gave a weak shrug and a nod, just to be agreeable.

Alastor only gave a dismissive ‘hmm’ in return, and picked up his pace to walk in front of Charlie and you. In fact, he kept his pace and just continued walking away, down the sidewalk, around a corner, and gone. Personally, you didn’t mind. The air was noticeably lighter without his presence.

Charlie sighed in defeat, but didn’t mention it. She seemed accustomed to his behavior. You silently expressed your sorrows for her; even if he was nicer than he appeared, which you doubted heavily, he was likely still an exhausting guy to be around.

The walk was long and unbearably painful for you, each labored step sending pulses of sore pain through your body, and your back occasionally exploding in needles that would halt you in your tracks. Charlie was incredibly patient, and you couldn’t even begin to word how thankful you were for her. Being one of two demons you had encountered since falling, you began wondering what else was in store for you down here for what you assumed may be the rest of your eternity.

You didn’t have long to ponder, as it seemed enough time passed since the extermination for demons to start their usual routines. And man, what routines they had. If you weren’t in imminent danger, you would find the scene almost comically chaotic. There were projectiles smashing through windows, sending shards everywhere, and fires erupting from said windows. Your eye caught the glinting of weapons in the hands of various demons, which some were… actively using to stab another demon. And, of course, when bodies fell there were at least two pit-eyed cannibalistic creatures that would descend on the corpse like starved dogs. You clung close to Charlie, who seemed unnervingly calm in the situation. Surprisingly, even with the lack of a weapon or any means of self-defense, nothing came at you.

Seeming to sense your unease, she looked at you with a calming smile. “Charming, huh?” She joked lightly. She grimaced slightly at the sound of a scream being cut short by a loud bang. “It’s not usually… this bad. They’re just worked up after extermination. That’s when the crazies hit.”

Yeah, you silently mocked. Yeah, starting fires and murdering people is being ‘worked up.’ Cool. You only nodded in response, not really finding anything nice to say. And, honestly, anything you said would probably seem hypocritical given the fact you were an exterminator mere hours ago. Luckily for you, she seemed content enough at that. She started to talk again about where she was taking you, a bit slower this time, obviously half focused on keeping you supported.

“So, my Hotel kind of just started, and Alastor is in the process of making a commercial to get some attention. I think he said it would be done today.”

You nodded wordlessly. Part of you felt a little guilty, not having much to say despite Charlie’s efforts to welcome you and take care of you, especially compared to her constant rambling. She didn’t seem to notice, though.

She re-explained her whole idea, undeniably proud of her plan. Sinners working on themselves to get redeemed? To leave Hell and climb those glittering steps to Heaven?

Absolutely unheard of.

Maybe it was your internal biases talking, but you could not imagine the possibility. If it was possible, why hadn’t somebody showed up at the gates from Hell before? You held back a roll of your eyes, feigning support and interest to the best of your ability.

After an achingly long journey, you finally reached the stone path that led to a rather plain, but tall building. It looked sleek and well built, but you couldn’t help but notice the tacky blinking lightbulbs that formed arrow shapes towards the entrance and the huge, spelled out name of the hotel.

Hazbin Hotel.

You stifled a laugh as you looked up at the signage.

“Well! We’re here!” Charlie announced, brandishing her arm forward and sweeping it in a ‘viola’ motion. Your eyes traveled over the expanse of the property, noticing how many windows lined every wall. Were there that many demons here?

You were answered nearly immediately when Charlie opened the door to the hotel and you found yourself in a nearly empty lobby. It was kind of sad, honestly. There was a cat-like bartender and a long-limbed pink demon splayed across the couch, but other than that…

The demon next to you scratched the back of her head, and gave you a light smile. She jerked her head towards the door as if inviting you, but to be fair you didn’t really have any choice but to go wherever she led you.

“Ooh, fresh meat,” The pink-ish demon with a striped top shot upright, eyeing you wryly with a cocked brow. He stood and took long strides forward, one pair of arms on his hips and the other crossed under his rather… voluptuous chest.

“Eyes up here, toots,” He snapped a finger, but when you met his eyes you could tell he was all jokes. You gave him a tight smile in response.

You heard the sound of quick steps and an already aggravated looking face appeared from the upper level, quickly descending the steps. You felt an ice-cold feeling of familiarity when you saw a gray-skinned, white haired angel—or, well, fallen angel at this point—stop in front of you. She apparently felt a similar feeling, though her response was much more rapidly aggressive. With a narrowed eye and tense shoulders, she manifested an angelic spear and held it at the ready. You tried to remove yourself from Charlie’s hold, desperate to be able to defend yourself even in your sorry state, but her protective grip held you fast against herself. You struggled only for a moment, but the exhaustion coursing through every vein stopped you. Man was she strong.

“What is someone like them doing here,” The other questioned in a hiss, her lips curled in a sneer. She eyed you up and down suspiciously, likely analyzing your capacity of harming anybody in the room. Admittedly you couldn’t blame her caution.

When your lips parted, planning to shoot an accusatory in retort, the tip of her spear shot to your lips, effectively shutting you up. There was a look in her eye, behind the rage and caution, that you somehow recognized as a silent plea. A plea for what? To stay quiet? Not state the obvious recognition you two shared? Did the others somehow not know she was an angel? Whatever it was, you obliged and swallowed a lump in your throat.

“Vaggie, please,” Charlie spoke in a tumble, rushing her free hand to press the point of ‘Vaggie’s weapon away from your face. “She’s practically one of us now. Don’t go threatening my new guests every time they walk through the door! We can’t scare them away…”

“Angels aren’t guests Charlie,” Vaggie’s voice seemed strained as she held pinched fingers on the bridge of her nose. “We literally just had an extermination.”

“I know,” Charlie pressed, the tone of her voice conveying some sort of desperate ‘just go with it and calm down.’ “But… obviously she was an outcast, unwanted by Heaven. Just like us, right?”

You furrowed your brows and looked at her through the corner of your eye, but decided not to fight for your dignity. She wasn’t even wrong.

Vaggie seemed easily defeated by Charlie’s words, yielding quickly to her words and putting her spear away. You briefly wondered where your own was. Charlie gave Vaggie a thankful smile, a light kiss on the cheek—to which the angel blushed—and led you carefully into a nearby room.

It seemed to be some type of medical room, and Charlie quickly got to work dragging a warm rag over the dried blood that left streaks down your skin. You grabbed her wrist, and she looked up at you, a little confused.

“I can wash myself, I’m not that useless,” You argued, using your other hand to pull at the rag.

“But, you can barely—”

“Charlie,” You said, more stern than you meant to, which you immediately regretted after the taken aback expression on her face. Considering you barely spoke a word since meeting her, it was no wonder she seemed surprised at your sudden brash tone. You tried to speak more gently. “Please, just let me wash myself off. I’ll need your help dressing my wounds, anyway, it’s the least I could do.”

She pondered for a moment, but nodded, smiled, and left you to it. She left the room with a quick ‘call me when you’re’ done, closing the door with a gentle click. You sighed, finally enjoying a moment of privacy. You looked at yourself in the mirror, a sick feeling churning in your stomach.

It was still you, staring back, but it somehow at the same time wasn’t. Golden streaks tainted your gray skin, crusts of blood still grabbing at the corners of your eye and matting your hair. You briefly brushed a hand through the strands, but promptly gave up after your fingers caught on multiple knots. You’d have to wash it out.

For now you focused on just wiping the blood and grime off of your skin, especially around the wounds. You were incredibly tender when you reached your back, elbow bent awkwardly over your face as you tried to reach the marred flesh. You tried positioning your arm under your armpit, hoping for a better angle, but it was still no use. Even when you managed to get close to the wound, every touch sent stinging pain down your back. On top of all that, you could barely see where you were dragging the damp cloth, neck struggling to crane enough to look in the mirror.

The door opened suddenly, and with it a sense of impending doom and static sensations encased you. You froze, eyes darting towards the entrance. Even though you knew exactly who would stand there, you still couldn’t help the sick surprise that twisted your gut.

Alastor stood in the entrance, eyes half open and brows raised as he examined you bent in so many awkward ways.

“How’s our new vulture doing,” He asked suddenly, eyes lighting up in an overly cheerful manner. He entered the room without much invitation, circling you. You felt like prey being stalked and toyed with by a wolf. Your eyes diligently followed until he took up a spot behind you. “Charlie got caught up in something, so she asked me to help you.”

You watched him in the mirror as he looked down at the torn flesh of your back, his long, clawed finger tapping at his chin while his other hand thrummed against the head of his cane.

“A ghastly sight you are,” He commented, meeting your gaze in the mirror. His hand pointed down at your back. “That wound of yours is rather unpleasant, too.”

You frowned and opened your mouth to shoot something back, though you didn’t know if you wanted to throw curses or insults back at him. Any words you may have said died on your tongue as the look in his eyes darkened, and his smile curled impossibly higher, more sinister.

He leaned down, positioning his head just next to yours, still meeting your eyes in the mirror. Every inch of proximity caused the prickling on your skin to increase, and the static in your ears to grow louder.

“Let’s patch you up, then!” He straightened himself out, walking towards a cabinet and quickly grabbing various tools from different shelves. “While I’m not in the business of playing doctor to someone like you, I can’t deny the Princess.” His voice seemed all too cheery for the rude words he spoke, and that smile on his face never faltered. You briefly thought about him referring to Charlie as “princess,” but quickly dismissed it. You’d think about it later—right now, you had to be ready to make a run for it in case that feeling of doom that loomed over you came to fruition.

Alastor approached you again with a small tray of medical supplies, and pulled thin gloves over his hands with a brief snap, saying something about the importance of being sanitary, but part of you wondered if he was just making more jabs at you regarding his disdain for angels.

Surprisingly he seemed to know what he was doing, working quickly with different types of wipes and stitches and gauze. He was being rougher than likely necessary, pretending to accidentally poke a claw into your open wound and pressing his tools far too firm against your sore skin. You bore it with gritted teeth and narrowed eyes, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of putting you through a miserably painful half hour.

After it was finally over you drew out a long sigh and watched as he discarded the gloves and washed his hands. And washed his hands. And washed his hands. And… still he’s washing his hands. You began to wish you counted the seconds.

He turned to you after finally finishing up, shaking water off his hands. He didn’t seem to recognize that he was flicking droplets directly on you. If you weren’t in such a weak state and absolutely terrified of him, you probably would’ve made some effort to stop him, but now… you opted to let him get away with it. For now.

“Now, if that’s all…” He turned, waving a hand at you dismissively. “I’d prefer you keep out of my business from here on.”

No fucking problem, you agreed to yourself. He didn’t even have to ask. You couldn’t imagine bearing to be around him unless absolutely necessary. Though, in an effort to maintain pleasantries…

“Thanks, though,” You called, not trying to hide the hint of dislike in your tone. Your words made him stop, hand just barely hovering over the knob to the door. After a brief moment, his head turned slightly, just enough for him to look at you out of the corner of his eye.

Although it was brief, you saw a glint of what you assumed was malice in his eye as his lips twitched and curled, momentarily revealing the black of his gums. His face quickly returned to his regular facade of cheer. He opened the door, not saying anything in return, and quickly took his leave, slamming the door behind him.

You drug your hands down your eyes, looking at yourself once again in the mirror. Cleaner now, but still rough. You thought deeply about what your future here would be like, especially around Alastor. If he was truly Charlie’s right-hand-man, you doubted avoiding him would be easy, despite how desperately you wanted to.

Yeah. This is Hell.

#ohdeerfully #🐈‍⬛#alastor x reader #hazbin hotel x reader #alastor hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel #alastor #alastor x you #charlie morningstar #alastor x reader platonic #platonic x reader #cutely adds one million tags #gore #tw: gore

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dead-dove-yandere · 27 days

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Yandere x insecure reader

Yandere who change his completely opposite personality (from non chalant and rigid to cheery and chaos personality where he ofcourse force himself) as what his darling wants, so that he could look like her previous ex, where they dating but the darling didnt get the vibe(?) And sometimes call him by her previous ex by accident, but he understand her, everytime darling feel doubt about their relationship (since she felt unloved except she receive affection from her ex and because she doesnt have feelings), he would always think some kind like "its okay she see him as someone else, he'll be the one who love her for who she is" he tried to convince his darling by keeping up the positive vibe but actually he try very hard to brush his negative thought. I hope youre understand T_T

Hello I am back!! Think I’m better now, touch wood. I have to get into the habit of writing everyday now again so please bear with me if I’m slow!! Im really sorry it took so long and thank you for being patient.

I wrote this as Noah and kinda did so that they know each other already but the darling doesn’t know he’s stalking them - hope that’s alright!! And I hope that I got your idea right too. My brain is still fuzzy 😔

TW: Stalking, obsession, manipulation

You smile at Noah as you spot him across the cafe and you hold your hand up to wave. He smiles when he spots you and holds up his hand to wave back as you walk over to his table. Is that a new shirt he’s wearing? It looks just like… you try to banish the image of your ex out of your mind as you sit down across from Noah.

“Hi!” You greet. “Traffic was hell.”

“Hey,” he says back, his voice deeper than usual. It was obvious he was putting on a voice, but you felt awkward mentioning it.

“How have you been? Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m okay,” you say, an uneasy waver tainting your words. “Same old.”

“You still think about Adam?” Noah asks, a sympathetic smile on his face. He’s trying to sit up straight but he’s wringing his hands, resisting the urge to pick at the skin around his nails.

“It doesn’t matter,” you say, dismissively. “I should’ve… well, I could have been a better partner to him. You know?” Noah’s brow knits together and he leans closer, his smile faded.

“You did your best - if he couldn’t appreciate that, then that’s not your fault.” It was your turn to give a pathetic smile.

“Thanks, Adam,” you said without thinking. Your eyes widen and you quickly cover your mouth with your hand.

“Sorry - Noah. Oh my god.”

“No, hey, it’s -“

“I’m so sorry, Jesus, I shouldn’t have-“

“Hey, hey, it’s alright! You’ve got him on your mimd. It happens.” You shakily let out a sigh and nod.

“Yeah,” you agree. “Yeah. Erm, sorry. You’re right.” Your heart is pounding a million miles an hour, your mind racing as you prayed that the ground would just swallow you up and you’d be out of this nightmare. You could feel Noah’s eyes on you, inspecting you, and you tried not to think of any and every flaw that you had picked apart in the mirror after your ex left, trying to figure out why he never gave you the affection you were desperate for.

Noah, meanwhile, looked calm outside, but inside he was bursting with joy. He could hardly believe it - you had, for a split second, thought that he was your ex. After so much work, so many hours reviewing the footage he had of you and Adam together, recreating every outfit, changing his hair, his cologne, his voice, anything and everything he could think of, he’d done it - he was one step closer to being the man you loved. Only he knew he could be even better once he had you and treated your right. He checked his phone and out of your view, looked at his lockscreen; a picture of you and Adam together when you were still dating. Only this time, Noah could finally imagine that it was him in the photo next to you. Not the bastard ex that made you so insecure in the first place.

Dividers Credit: See Pinned Post

#yancore #yandere #yandere blog #yandere fic #yandere imagines #yandere oc #yandere x darling #yandere drabble #yandere oc x reader #Ask #Story #Noah

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bltzgore · 9 months

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im obsessed with waterboarding torture whump but i canNOT find much on it here on tumblr so i was wondering if i can have your twisted brilliant mind’s take on it……. /pos

Oh, YES! (and thank you 😈) this is gonna be a long one. I have some IDEAS.

Tw: waterboarding, panic, mentions of gasoline

Let's hit the ground running!

Waterboarding is fun, but it is so much better (in my opinion) when you go after someone who is especially susceptible to it. Someone who's afraid of the water, or has incompatible physical traits or powers.

Starting with water boarding the old fashioned way (we'll call it traditional) with the build up. The getting tied, or even better held, down on whumpee's back. I'm gonna lean into held down for how much more they can struggle. I think the amount of fear expressed can double if whumpee actually manages to get an arm free before it's grabbed back and pinned twice as rough.

You need to show that whumpee is desperate. They are convinced this is going to kill them. They are screaming, or growling, or maybe they snap (does your whumpee bite?). This just makes the whumpers laugh. "Damn, we got a live one."

Then the cloth goes over their face and and they feel like they're going to have a heart attack, whumpee is actually crying at this point, hyperventilating (which will only make it worse when the water arrives). The terror is so strong it hurts.

Let us recall that covering whumpee's eyes can make things exponentially worse. They can no longer predict and brace for whatever it is. It can come at any time and that kind of terror can do half the whumper's work for them. So keep things unpredictable.

From there it's a simple process for whumper. Half drown whumpee, demand information they cannot give, put the cloth back, rinse and repeat.

Whumpee feels like they are drowning and dying and being dragged back again. This is their own personal hell, and there is no escape. I like to wonder how much energy they'd have, and if eventually they'd fall limp. Whumpee no longer has the strength to fight back and now they're sobbing and just waiting to die.

I love when it's a fierce character who's breaking to this as well. They started out cursing everyone out and trying to claw at their captors and they've been reduced to begging and incoherent runs of "No no no no no no! Not again!! STOP! STOP-"

So I said before this was the traditional method, let's branch out a bit:

- I once read a very inspired whump post about using gasoline to waterboard someone, and holy shit I wanna write about that! (I was unfortunately unable to find the original post.) Just imagine how much more it burns. Choking on gas. Then whumper gets to threaten them by holding up a match.

- there's also holding someone under water. I don't prefer this necessarily, but it's a fun option if you don't have the means of restraining whumpee on their back. You could do this anywhere, and if you press their head down just right you can make sure they can still hear whumper as they make their demands.

- I could go on and on about water based whump, but for now I'll cut it here! Happy whumping!!!

#whump #whumpee #whumper #whump prompt #whump scenario #waterboarding #tw waterboarding #hydrophobic whumpee #whump asks #bltz asks

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shzmluvrs · 1 year

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Hey girlypopd luv ur fics im from ur Wattpad account so mby I get favoritism jk but I rly rly luv ur Freddyxchubby reader bc I’m self obsessed an I think everything is about me but anyway I rly need more serotonin in life an hope this isn’t too much but can I get angst like a lot mby a little tiny bit of the self harmy stuff pls sry I hav problems an if ur uncomfortable writing that i totally get that Luv u <3

Girlll, don't you talk to ME about angst, you are looking at the QUEEN of thinking of overly angsty scenarios😙🤞🏽♡. Also, ty for the compliments on my previous work, ilyily it literally throws me over the moon (no, not you, Moon🥴💀💕). I really hope you enjoy thissss✨️!! Also, this totally doubles as a thank you for the artwork you did for us, I just *sobs♡*.

~ Star✨️

Not Your Fault

Prompt: Maybe it came from your own self-doubt. Or, maybe it stemmed from your parents and their need to overdo it with the scolding. Hell, maybe it was just something often reiterated to you by strangers. But, for as long as you could remember, things never seemed to go your way. More accurately, things never seemed to go right because of you. And it was only natural that you suffered the consequences of your own actions...

Even if it had to be by your own hand...

Timeline: Post S!: FOTG

TW/Content: Self harm (if that wasn't already heavily implied/said)⚡️AngstAngstAngstttt⚡️But then lots and lots of comfort⚡️Reader being cynical⚡️(very smol, dw) Thoughts/Talk/Mention of unaliveness, I think, but probably not⚡️Freddy being an absolute 😇💙saint💙😇 (most of the time)⚡️Readers parent(s)/sibling(s) being annoying

Reader: Fem! Reader She/Her/Hers Pronouns

Requested By: @lukkdukkyleak

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'Snap'

. . .

'Snap'

You were stuck. This was the third time this had happened to you this week. On your conclusion, no less; the very last paragraph of your essay. You'd sit down, open up your Google document, read over your own writing for the zillionth time until you got to where you had left off...

And then, with intention to finish it up, write the last few sentences or so, you'd urge yourself to get right to work. Just start writing. Get it done. Do it.

And yet, you just... couldn't. Writers' block had now become your mortal enemy, and you'd do anything to get rid of it. Because if you didn't, it'd leave you with nothing to turn in. If you didn't have a final paper to turn in, you'd automatically fail this English class.

If you failed this English class, you wouldn't graduate in the Spring. If you didn't graduate, you wouldn't be allowed to cross that stage and get your diploma. If you didn't get your diploma, your parents would surely be more than disappointed. In you, in themselves for actually thinking you could do it...

You'd have to repeat the school year, do it all over again, just to circle right back to this final English paper. And again, you'd get stuck in your own head, fighting a mental block you couldn't even defeat right now. The cycle would go on, and natrually, it'd be your own doing. Or rather, you own undoing.

Your own fault. All because you can't write a conclusion.

'Snap'

"Did you hear me?"

Your head whipped up in a flurry, letting go of the hair tie pulling against your wrist to create one final 'Snap'. An accidental one, which gained a short wince out of you at its unexpected sting before you could even speak.

The boy in front of you took this as a sign that you were distracted, happy to repeat himself while he closed his laptop in order to see you better.

"I said, 'Do you wanna go to (Favorite Fast-Food) after school?'."

"Oh." You hummed, your eyes shifting away from his chocolate brown ones and back to your screen. At its mention, you were suddenly craving (F/FF). But you also knew better than to let yourself get distracted when you didn't have to. What was most important was this essay, and if you procrastinated any longer, you'd surely miss the due date, and-

"I'll pay." Freddy quickly added, sensing your hesitancy from his own seat before lighting up even further at your scoff. A dismissive one, sure, but it came with a smile he found hard to hate; elated that he had been the cause.

"Please, you can barely afford to get your lunch every day."

"See, m'kay, that's where you're wrong, right?" Freddy began, speed-talking as per usual, which always caused your smile to grow. "(Y/N), I saved up for a whole week so I can literally get us whatever. Those silly little drinks you like? Done. Or-or fries, or whatever? Done. I will buy you the whole menu, try me."

"Okay, okay, I get it." You laughed, knowing he had already convinced you. Persuaded, sure...

...And yet...

"I would, Freds, really. But, I don't think I should."

His head tipped to the side in confusion, curls falling with which almost caused an 'aww' to leave your lips. He stared, doe-eyed, expecting his answer because you denying (F/FF) was a first. It was a bit surprising, but your reasoning, once given, was valid.

"I need to get this paper done. Tonight. If I don't, I'll just...worry about it forever, and I won't be able to focus. Another time?"

He smiled at your compromise, the heel of his foot bouncing up and down in his seat as if he just couldn't wait for whenever "another time" would be. Hopefully soon, sending about a thousand nods your way before speaking.

"Yeah, sure, no problem!"

The bell rung, students around you rushing to pack their things away now that they were no longer confined to the hell that was Fawcett Central. You did the same, not that you were exactly excited to return to your own home. Your hopes lied in the assumption that you'd be able to rush quickly to your room. Not to be bothered for the rest of the night as you finished up your work.

"But like, are you sure, though?"

You tossed your head back, a joking groan escaping your lips as the two of you squoze yourselves between people in the hallways. And still, he went on in hopes to further convince you because, as it turned out, the boy had very little patience to wait until "another time." Something that he wasn't even sure would come.

Plus, as one would expect, he was only following his brother's advice...

"If you really wanna spend time with her, just go for it. And don't let her flake out or play hard to get. It'll show her you're persistent, and girls usually like that type of stuff. Let's them know you care."

And of course Freddy cared about you! So...

"I'm just sayin'! It'd be fun, and y'know, maybe you need a break."

"Freddy..."

"Plus...!" He interjected before you could go on. "When have I ever steered you wrong?"

"H-"

"And don't say gym class, or the Winter Carnival, or that one time with the Breyers, or that other time with the Breyers, or the glitter bomb, or...The Incident™..." He listed off with haste, all different scenarios/times where he had most definitely steered you wrong.

"Those were all just horribly timed coincidences that have nothing to do with how I operate."

"Oh, is that so?" You challenged with an amused giggle, Freddy sending you an assertive smirk right back.

"Very much so."

"And how are you so sure of that?"

"Come with me," he taunted lightly, effortlessly cycling the conversation right back to his initial goal. "Let me whisk you away, (N/N)... and you'll find out."

You couldn't help but shake your head at the dork in front of you, trying your very hardest to hold in a flattered smile at his antics. Walking backward down the stone steps as if he wasn't one off-balanced wobble away from tipping over. Sending you pleading eyes and a goofy grin along with the use of a nickname.

With the break of your own toothy smile, he knew he had won you over before you even had to say anything.

"Fine, fine...I'll go."

"Yes, yes, yes-yes-yes, I love it when you agree with me!"

"But just tonight!" You reminded, pointing an index finger that he simply grabbed, interlocking his own with it. "I'm off limits tomorrow. And Sunday!"

"Yeah, sure, you got it. You have the rest of the weekend left to do..." He waved his free hand around wildly, looking for the words he never found before finishing.

"I dunno, whatever it is you do."

"Thank god." You sighed half-jokingly, earning you a laugh you never got tired of.

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You were lucky to hear more of it, even if it wasn't in person. You reminded yourself of that over and over again as you walked home. Freddy insistent on the fact that even though he couldn't be there to walk you home himself, he'd at least stay on the phone with you until he knew you were safe.

But anyhow, you were repetitive on the fact that you had a good time, that you were lucky to listen to Freddy ramble on and on about tonight's prior festivities because of the simple fact that it had been keeping you distracted. Away from the troubling thoughts of guilt for not listening to your past self. Sure, you had a great time, but at what cost?

A waste of time to get your work done? No. No, no matter. It didn't matter now. You had done it, you had gone out and had a great time with your best friend. Now it was time to wind down and focus, return home and get your work done. You could still rely on yourself.

"Hey, it's late, I gotta go, Freds." You excused once your place had come into view.

"You make it home safe?" He double-checked, and you almost nodded, forgetting he wasn't physically there with you.

"Yeah, which is why I gotta go, dude."

"Alright, right, you're super duper busy, so I can't bother ya' anymore." He sighed through his words, smiling once he heard your quiet giggle on the other side of the line along with the jingle of your keys.

"I'll check on you Sunday."

"Wha-? Freddy, n-"

"Bye!"

And the line went dead, leaving you to purse your lips and scoff. It was a wonder you liked him, let alone had a whole crush on him, when he often times pushed at your boundaries. But, nonetheless, you were simply happy to know him at all, and-

No. No, focus. You were swift to set yourself straight, not wanting to get lost in your daydream-esque thoughts on the boy you'd been pining over for a couple of years now. That'd be your lamest reason yet on why you had deterred from your essay.

"(Y/N)...!!" The call of your name made you jump, erasing any thoughts you had about anything at all while attempting to pull yourself together at a reasonable speed. It ended with you anxiously tugging at the familiar blue hairtie around your wrist, not yet pulling it far enough back to release, but just enough to provide some odd comfort while your parent came tearing around the corner to your position in front of the door.

"Where have you been?" They asked, their tone laced with demand rather than actual worry as you stumbled to push out a viable excuse.

"I...was out with my friend, I just lost track of time."

"Mm." They hummed, never really truly satisfied with any answer you might've given as they looked you up and down. "I don't like you staying out so late, you know better. You didn't even call. You knew you had chores to do today."

"Sorry..." You mumbled, subjected back to the looming silence before they gave a roll of their eyes and sighed.

"Well, did you eat?"

"Yeah, I had (F/FF)."

"...Alright."

And that was that, your parent leaving you to yourself once again as you gratefully made the choice to head straight for your room. It was just as you left it when you had left for school early this Friday morning, which meant you had a bit of cleaning to do.

But surely, you could push that task back until later. It could always be done the moment you typed up the rest of your final paper. Without second thought, you sat on your bed and pulled open your laptop, as well as gathering any notes you might've needed together before reading over what's been typed so far.

. . .

You rubbed at your eyes until you were satisfied, your hands moving to slide above and push back your hair. As if you were ridding yourself of the exhaustion.

"Foucs, focus, focus..." You commanded yourself, repeating the word over and over again in your mind. Your fingers wandering back down to your wrist.

'Focus, focus, focus, focus...'

'Snap'

'Just focus...just write something. Just write a sentence. A word...'

'Snap'

"Ohh my goshhh..." You groaned under your breath.

'Snap'

Your (E/C) eyes wandered towards the bottom right corner of your screen, grazing over the time as if you were wasting it. Well, technically, you were. But you weren't at the same time, seeing as only a few minutes had passed since you've sat.

10:23p.m.

"Whatever, just...write." You commanded yourself further.

. . .

When your eyes wandered back to the time once more, you were left to fight the lump forming in the back of your throat.

1:04a.m.

So much time had passed, and not a single thing had been typed. You wanted to be mad at yourself but couldn't. You kept checking your phone, you kept talking to yourself, you just had to turn on the TV for "background noise"...

It looked like you'd be pulling an all-nighter this evening.

──────────── •⚡️• ────────────

You woke up feeling disoriented. Peaceful, sure, but only because your mind was still clouded with sleep, which left you to struggle at taking in your surroundings and the reason why your body ached.

In about another five seconds, all your memories had returned to you, and you now had the answers to all of your questions. You had fallen asleep, even after you had convinced yourself that you were going to pull an all-nighter. Even more disappointing, having fallen asleep at such an awkward angle left you with a crick in your neck that you couldn't sooth with a simple massage right away.

And to your dismay, your laptop displayed the essay that you very clearly hadn't touched. That you had fallen asleep on. You wanted nothing more than for it to finish itself at this point, but you knew better than to actually believe that would happen. Wishful thinking on top of all of the other worries you had swarming your mind. Just to set yourself straight, hastily reminding yourself you now had only the rest of today and tomorrow to finish it, you allowed yourself to stretch and shake away the rest of your drowsyness.

"What...?" You murmured the moment your finger had grazed over the touchpad, reading over the pop-up window in the middle of the screen.

You read it again in disbelief.

And then again, your anger rising at the key words; 'Remaining batter life' 'charging cable' '7%' '10 minutes of power'.

"No, no, no..." You whined, practically throwing yourself out of the bed. Your notes scattered everywhere, but you couldn't bring yourself to care as you desperately searched for the charger to your laptop. When you realized, after dumping out all of your backpack's contents onto the floor, that it wasn't even in there, you grew even more panicked, if possible. If not there, where?

Scouring your room for any sign of the black cord began to accumulate a bigger mess than had already been evident, but you found it worth it when you had finally spotted it under your desk, tangled with a bunch if other loose wires and cords which left you with the tedious work of untangling them.

By the time you had finished, your room an even bigger mess and your mind swarming with curses and exasperation, you had returned to your laptop a second too late. The screen was black and the power button on the top left corner refused to light back up, no matter how many times you pressed it until you finally had to accept the fact that it had officially died. It was only when you were mid-way through putting it on the charger and plugging it into the outlet when you also realized this meant your paper may have not been saved.

You couldn't even fathom the words to bring out of your throat in this instant, angry and inaduble grumbles leaving in their place as you fought the lump in your throat. It seemed you had just woken up and already couldn't catch a break, not that you really had anyone else to blame but yourself.

If you had just stayed up and done your work like you were supposed to instead of sitting there looking at the screen until you fell asleep, this wouldn't be happening to you right now.

"Ughh, stupid, stupid..." You berated yourself, tugging at the blue hair tie and letting it snap back consecutively. It didn't bring you any comfort, but you were convinced it was an act that helped you think better, or faster. And, like usual, it seemed to work as your (E/C) eyes glanced over to your phone.

It sat on the edge of your desk, certainly not dead when the charger was connected into it. You could quickly download Google docs and pray that it had auto-saved before your computer died, and if so, you could continue writing on your phone. You-

"Hey..."

Your head whipped around at the sound of your parent entering your room, now wanting nothing more than to roll your eyes the moment they gave a look of disgust at not just the state of your room, but your person as well.

Your clothes from last night were still disheveled, your hair more than likely a mess, and surely, the bags under your eyes weren't any more flattering.

"...You need to clean this room up, it's always such a mess in here. And you still didn't do your chores from last night, so when you're done, you need to get on that."

"Yeah, I know, I-"

"Don't tell me you know. Otherwise, it'd be done. Now get started so that we can leave."

Your sigh halted, words you couldn't quite shuffle in the right order escaping your lips in distressed stammers upon hearing the last sentence.

Leave? Leave where? You couldn't leave!

"I can't- Where are-? I have to write this essay, it's due Monday, I don't-..."

"(Y/N)..." They spoke your name through a groan, already brushing off what, to them, was just excuses. "I don't have the time to argue with you about this right now. We have errands to run, and it's bad enough that now we have to wait on you."

You wanted to apologize or... at least explain how the circumstances weren't exactly your fault. Not entirely...

Weren't they?

But it didn't matter. The words got stuck once again and your parent had left, meaning that your only hope of not letting this Saturday go to waste was to try and clean as fast as possible and do your work in the car considering you were stuck using your phone.

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'Well, that was a bust...' You thought, a scowl etched onto your face as though the expression were permanent. To say you were irriated would be the understatement of the century. Even more so when you couldn't place that agitation and blame onto anyone else but yourself.

If you hadn't procrastinated for so long, you wouldn't have an essay that decided your future to work on. If you didn't have an essay to work on, you wouldn't have felt so sullen about accepting Freddy's request to basically blow it off. If you hadn't accepted his request, you would've gotten home sooner to clean and do your chores. If you had done them sooner, you would've had more time to write, and maybe, just maybe, you wouldn't have fallen asleep so easily.

And then these errands would mean nothing to you other than a family outing because your work would be done, and you'd have nothing to worry about. But instead, and because of your incompetence, here you were trying your best to dodge and weave through crowds of other people doing their shopping. Trying your very hardest to type and walk in order to keep up with your family.

"I don't understand why you're moving so slow..." Your parent scolded lightly, urging you to do what you were already trying to do. Only your eyes lifted from the screen, just for a moment to shoot off a glare before returning to your screen and typing furiously.

Sure, your writers' block had finally cleared. But you could only ever get in a few words every couple of minutes before you had to look up to dodge. Or, be interrupted by your family, a sibling. An annoying one, at that...

"Yeah, weren't you just here yesterday with your boyyyyfrieeeend~?" They teased, leaving you to grumble.

"He's not my boyfriend. And yeah, but we went straight to (F/R) and ate at the food court, we weren't shopping."

Your sibling rolled their eyes.

"Whatever, just saying...it should be easier for you to keep up."

"(Y/N)?!"

Speak of the devil, you and your entire immediate family's heads whipping up at the obnoxiously loud call of your name. Your eyes searched high and low, all around until they landed on that familiar head of curls and the silver of a crutch.

"Oh, hi..." You awkwardly greeted, not even loud enough for him to hear it as he approached gleefully. Normally, at the presence of your family, you'd try and usher him away. Give him the hint not to intervene and make it awkward for everyone, but mostly you. But, seeing as your family hadn't even bothered to slow down, you figured a brief conversation wouldn't hurt.

Plus, upon noticing a couple of his siblings and Rosa behind him, you didn't want to come off as brash or rude.

"I thought you said you were gonna be busy?"

The question almost took you by surprise, but upon recalling last Friday, you realized that was pretty much what you had told him.

"I am! I just...I got caught up, it's weird..."

Sensing this wasn't enough of an answer or anything excusable, you spoke further. It had inevitably dug yourself a deeper hole, his brow raising in question.

"My parents, they're just...they wanted me to go shopping with them."

"Your...parents...?"

Oh, right...they walked off....

"Ye-Yeah, they are- They were here, but I lost track of them, so..."

You were aware of how unconvincing you sounded, letting a quiet sigh escape you before checking your phone. Your essay was still intact, and- Oh! That's a good word, 'intact'... You could do something with that, let's just...add it to the conclusion...and...

What you couldn't sense was how disinterested you looked to Freddy, the boy looking back to Billy for any type of further advice. All the brunette could do was shrug from afar, attempting to entertain Rosa, who wasn't at all paying attention to the events.

Hey, mother's got to shop🤷🏽‍♀️.

Either way, to him, it looked as though you were trying your hardest to avoid him. Freddy could feel his chest tighten at just the thought, wondering why that could possibly ever be the case. Why you had become so distant suddenly. And now, you'd barely even look at him?

"So, uh...what's the deal? Did I say something you didn't like?"

"Huh?"

You hadn't looked up, leaving him to reluctantly fill in the blank for you.

"...The other night. When we went out. On that date..."

Now, this caught your attention. Your head cocked back, and your brows knitted incredulously.

"Date? That wasn't a date, I thought we were just hanging out."

'...Was...that a date?' You thought swiftly when you heard the words leave you own mouth, having not entertained such an idea before. But, now that Freddy had said something-

"(Y/N), I literally took you to your favorite place and paid for everything. And then we went to the arcade, and got milkshakes, and...well, I was gonna walk you home, but that didn't work out, as you know, since...you were there..."

"Oh."

You hadn't a clue of what to say, and the longer the silence hung over you two, the more worried you grew. Was that really a date? He didn't technically ask you out to date. He said he wanted to hang out. Maybe it was implied in his tone, and you missed it because you had been so focused on your essay.

But certainly, wasn't your essay tons more important than any date or whatever? If you hadn't gone, you would've had the whole weekend to go out on a date. Right?

Also, where the hell had your family gone? Did they even stop to think that you could really use an out right now? You had no idea what to say!

"Well, to be honest, I really shouldn't have gone at all if you think about it..."

So, you spoke without thinking. And immediately, you could tell that was the wrong answer, the words even stinging your own self the second they came out. Freddy's hurt expressions stinging even more as you lowered your phone.

"But you have time to be out and about with your 'parents'?" Why did he say parents like that? Did he not believe you? "Okay, cool. Awesome."

"I am! Was! They're here, I didn't have a choice, they made me come." You explained hastily. "Plus, I am busy. This paper is super important for me to get done, you know that."

"Yeah, I do. I also know that it was assigned months ago... why would you be doing it now, last minute?"

Holy shit... he really didn't believe you...

But it's not like you wanted to admit you had stupidly put it off for so long, either...

"Freddy..." You sighed, tossing your arms in uncertainty of what to say next. All you had was excuses. "...I didn't mean it. What I said. I'm just-"

"-Busy, yeah, I know."

More tense silence filled with the idea that you were losing him. Not only as a crush, but as your established friend as well. And god, were you trying desperately to mend it before it broke. You clicked your phone off, shoving it into your pocket completely out of sight.

"We can walk around right now if you want. Just until I have to leave?"

"Nah."

Ouch.

"I... don't want to walk on my leg more than I have to. See you around, (Y/N)."

. . .

──────────── •⚡️• ────────────

... 'Snap'!

"Stop doing that, it's annoying."

And you did, for a mere moment just to give a side eye towards your sibling before continuing.

Pull... 'Snap'!

Pull... 'Snap!

P u l l. . . 'SNAP'!

"Ow..." you winced.

"Would you stop it?"

"Shut up...!"

"Hey...!" The warning yell of one of your parents stopped the bickering and the rubber band pulling, but it didn't make you want to cry any less.

"Cool it back there. This is supposed to be a nice family outing..."

If anything, it made you want to cry more.

"Well, I didn't want to even be here, so..." You mumbled.

And it was true, you didn't, having wished you had protested more earlier. Then maybe your essay would be done by now. And maybe Freddy would still be your friend...

You cried.

Well, not in the car. But you did the second you finally arrived back home, to the haven and privacy of your room to let it all out. Frustrated and defeated, your wrist still stinging and itching with welts you knew the hair tie snapping would create. But you didn't care, at least, not about the last bit. It was stress relieving, so at least it counted for something good. It was done with good intent, and wasn't that all that mattered? Wasn't that enough?

Shouldn't that be enough for Freddy? He was- No, he is your best friend. And sure, you might've unintentionally pushed him away, but it was for a greater good. You were sure. Blocked him out with a good intention, if... that even existed. So, with such logic, apologizing and molding things back to normal should be a simple task, yes?

Yes, good. Perfect. That made it easy to set aside for a later moment, hastily wiping your tears and taking in small breaths before setting yourself at your desk. Not the bed, because you would not be falling asleep this time. You would write, write wrute, type, type, type until you were done. And that's final.

. . .

There it was again. That blocking feeling. But it came back different this time, unusual and almost unfamiliar to the normal writers' block.

Freddy. Freddy. Freddy.

That's what it was. That's all it was. The words you had said, his face twisted in disappointment and sadness running through your mind over and over again. How you had hurt him.

Ugh, you couldn't do this.

9:30p.m.

You couldn't bear it. And, pathetic enough, you couldn't even bring yourself to text him. To let him know it was all your fault. To even just apologize.

You went to bed.

You'd cram all of your needed tasks in tomorrow with a fresh, clear mind...

──────────── •⚡️• ────────────

This time, you had awoken to complete silence. And way later than last time, which you supposed was needed due to the fatigue of Friday through Saturday's events...

Upon doing some further snooping around the house, you had gathered the fact your family had gone out without you this time. And albeit you couldn't help but feel a little hurt, nobody having even attempted to wake you let alone invite you, you knew it was overall in your best interest.

You had a conclusion to write. After an afternoon breakfast and a fresh pair of comfy clothing, you situated yourself right back at your desk. Your laptop fully charged. Any and all disturbances out of sight, therefore out of mind. And eventually, after a good stare at the words already there, at the florescent blue light of the screen, the creative juices began to flow. You were off...

The blessing of finally being able to write lasted for only a few more hours, the sun setting and the noise of the city outside becoming evident as you leaned back in your seat for a break. A good stretch and rub of the eyes, a well-deserved swallow or two of water...

'Bonk-Bonk-Bonk'

Your brows knitted, lips unconsciously forming a pout at the consistent sound against your window. It confused you, the noise something you hadn't heard in a while. Something you only ever heard when expecting-

"Oh my god, Freddy...!" You gasped, having walked over and cautiously slid open your window. The sight of him scared you enough to practically jump back as he came tumbling onto your floor. A fall that worried you, of course, but neither of you could focus on that given a mere, lazy collapse to the ground seemed like nothing compared to the rest of his injuries.

"Oh my god, Freddy..." You repeated in utter dismay, covering your mouth with your palm for maybe a split second before you were immediately stooped by his side in order to help him sit up.

"What happened, why are-? Oh my god, there's so much bl-"

"-I'm okay, I'm okay..." He reassured quietly, moving his hand up and down as if to say, "Calm down." Not that it did any good, your eyes scanning over each and every cut and/or bruise you could find before delivering your final questions.

"What are you doing here? You...need a doctor or-or something, how did this even happen?"

He laughed, almost as if there were something funny that you didn't get. Some twisted inside joke. Twisted, because it left him...well... like this.

"Being a superhero is harder than it looks, (N/N)..."

A pause.

"Are you delirious or something? I- Y'know what? Okay, I-... Stay there, don't move."

As if he'd even try. He watched as you jogged out of your room, able to hear you rummaging around in your bathroom for medical aid while his brown eyes scanned your room. It seemed to have remained in the same state as when he last saw it; neat and tidy, minus a few distraught blankets and cords. He traced a thick, gray one up to your desk, noticing it was plugged into your still on and running laptop.

His brows furrowed. He could see the small words, even from his place on the floor by your window and almost wanted to slap himself.

You really were finishing up an essay. The easy, if anything. Instead, he chuckled. Of course you waited until the last second to do it. How (Y/N) of you.

He had to fight off his blush (and a startled jump) when you came rushing back into the room, arms filled with supplies and a worried expression etched onto your face.

"We didn't have a lot, but I really don't want your cuts to get infected..." He heard you mumble, shakily pouring bits of alcohol onto a cleaning pad.

"It's gonna sting..." You warned, Freddy nodding as fast as he could and sending you the wave of a hand, already knowing and preparing himself for the sensation. And when it came, he bit his lip to hold back what would've been squeak coming from his throat.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry..." You soothed through whispers, wrapping and/or bandaging as quickly yet accurately as you could. "You really should've gone to the E.R., Freddy, I can't-...I feel-...I can only do so much."

"Geez, you really don't want me around much, huh?" He joked, but even you could see the way it held some truth as your actions slowed, looking into his eyes in hopes he saw the truth in yours.

And if not, you'd damn sure say it.

"Freddy, please..." It was almost a scoff, but your tone had dwindled into something much more sincere. "Of course I want you around. I always want you around, you-. . . You make me happy, especially when a lot of things don't. Okay?"

He seemed to be mulling your words over, the boy shuffling every now and again at any certain pain that felt a little too sharp, or when you squoze a bruise a bit too hard.

"I-... It just doesn't feel that way, I guess. Sometimes, I wonder if you even like me." Again, he laughed as though he had spewed a funny joke. You couldn't return it, simply shocked at such a theory before quickly debunking it.

"I like you a lot!!"

. . .

"Sorry, that was...loud." You apologized, earning you another laugh at such sudden passion. "But I do like you, why wouldn't I? I just...had a lot on my plate recently, and I didn't know how to handle it. Especially telling you, so I just...I dunno, I guess I pushed you out, hoping you'd just... know."

Freddy smiled, one that exuded comfort and understanding before pushing your hand to the side so he was able to look at you properly. To hold your cheek in the palm of his hand and admire your face, watching at how you didn't even fight to melt into his touch.

"I'm sorry." He apologized. "I'm sorry that I didn't understand. I'm your friend, so, it's kind of the one job I had and I failed... but, I don't want you to ever feel like you can't talk to me. Or that I won't help you when things get difficult."

And for an extra touch, he gave your hand a squeeze of reassurance. The same hand which held the pad of alcohol in it. You hadn't noticed it when droplets went rushing down your hand and to your wrist, too caught up in the moment. All too ready to express your gratitude and mutual appreciation for him.

But you sure as hell noticed it when it stung you. Burned you, felt more like it, leaving you to let out more winces and whimpers than Freddy had during the cleaning off all of his injuries combined.

"Woah, hey, what's up? You okay?"

"Yeah, just-"

You were fast to yank your hand away, squeezing the sleeve of your sweater around your wrist in an attempt to aid the stinging feeling you were experiencing. This confused Freddy. Enough so to where he forced himself to fully sit up so he could properly inspect whatever was causing you any pain. It was bad enough that he had left you emotionally distraught and that he now needed you to take time off from your work just to help him heal from his recklessness...

The least he could do was return the favor of medical help.

"Here, lemme' see."

You didn't even get to go, "No!" yanking your wrist away from his gentle hold once again in a flurry of panic and unexpectedness.

"What is it? Are you okay?"

You eyes were wide and you didn't understand why you felt such dread. A fear of him seeing what you had never shown anyone, even though it had never occurred to you to be upset about someone finding out before.

Er...not that you were hiding it. Were you?

"It's...nothing, I'm fine. Just let me finish cleaning you up so I can-"

"Hey..." Freddy stopped your swift movements, his heart pounding at just the mere thought of you hiding anymore pain from him. Had someone done something to you? If so, he should've been the one protecting you. It was now his turn to experience the feeling of anxiety swelling in his chest.

"You can tell me, it's alright. I won't be upset, just... talk to me. Okay? Trust me."

And you did. You didn't know if it was his words or the tone laced within them. Whether you were just tired of fighting it or being upset with him. Or him being upset with you. Tired of pushing him away and... who knows? Maybe if he knew, then you could stop...

You slowly inched your arm in his direction, visibly shaking from both the sting of the remaining alcohol and the piling nerves as he steadily bunched up your sleeve.

At first, there was no expression. No words, no nothing. Was he even processing what he was seeing? The red, fine-lined welts up and down your wrist and forearm, some older and healing, some... very fresh. It made you so jarringly aware of how hard you had actually been snapping the hair tie all of this time.

"(Y/N)....what-"

"It was supposed to help." You interjected, fighting back tears you hadn't even noticed arrived. "I read this thing on this website somewhere, and I just- I- I read it, and..."

Tripping and stumbling over your words made you want to just give up all over again. And yet, even though you refused to look up to see the expression of disappointment on Freddy's face, you could feel it. And that was just enough for you to keep desperately grabbing at straws to defend your wayward actions.

"I... I used to...do worse, I was messed up. Really messed up, and it was the only thing that made me feel better. Relief, I mean, maybe not better, but-..."

You choked back a cry.

"I read this thing, and it said that a good alternative as a way to stop would be to snap a hair tie instead. It-It's less than... y'know... and it...I-...I'm sorry."

"(Y/N). . ." Freddy started his sentence with nothing more to say after the whisper of your name, watching as you couldn't help but finally burst into tears right there on the floor in front of him. It was a moment in time when he realized there was nothing much he could say or do, only wanting nothing more than for you to be okay.

"Please don't cry, it's not... it isn't your fault, (N/N)."

You couldn't pull yourself together enough to elicit proper words, wishing you could just express everything you were feeling in one go. Or at least console Freddy because that's what he came over for, after all. He needed you to be there for him, patch him up, and you couldn't even do that. Instead, things have come down to being all about you again.

Little did you know, it's not like Freddy much cared. He'd rather things be all about you and you be okay rather than no one giving you the time of day and you're suffering.

"Here, c'mere..." The boy urged, pulling you closer on his own accord when you didn't budge. "I'll clean them for you this time."

You nodded in thanks as you leaned against his chest, watching carefully through your tears as he slipped the pad of alcohol from your grip gently and began to pour some more onto it.

"And when I'm done," he continued. "There won't be a next time where I'll need to do this, 'cause we're gonna find some even better alternatives together, 'kay? Better than a hair tie."

A silence lingered in the air as you sniffled, only speaking up just before he could press the pad to your welts.

"...You mean like... like a scrunchie?"

. . .

"Pfft-!"

Freddy attempted to shield his laugh away from you, but quickly didn't bother anymore as your broken laugh joined in at your own distasteful joke.

"That's- No, you're- Oh my gosh, that's awful..." He spoke through giggles he fought to contain, even though the comment seemed to lift the both of your spirits instantly. Well, until he had to clean up your wrist...

──────────── •⚡️• ────────────

Freddy's brows furrowed when he realized the sounds of your winces and hisses were no longer to be heard, even when he'd press the damp pad to your wrist or forearm. He was about done, anyways, but he stopped to check on you and became flattered to see that you had fallen into a peaceful sleep against him.

He smiled down at you, admiring you for as long as he could while finally wrapping up your arm the same way you had his cuts and bruises. And, though he would've been more than happy to hold you like this for as long as he could (yes, even if it was on your floor), he looked around the room and was swift to realize there were still a few more tasks that needed completing.

But, most important, your essay. Considering the amount of emotional turmoil it seemed to have caused you over the weekend, he figured it should be something you no longer had to worry about. As carefully as he could without waking you, and scooted and withered his way out from under you, allowing you room to stretch out against the floor. It couldn't have been the best of comfort, but he'd address it later, making his way over to your desk and in front of your open laptop.

. . .

When you woke back up, you were alarmed to no longer feel the weight of Freddy's arms around you. It made you pop straight up, your head and eyes looking around the room like a baby bird who had just hatched until finally, they landed on the body sprawled across your bed.

You almost wish it were you, your mattress much comfier than the ground beneath you. He really just left you there on the floor and took up all of the space, pillows, and blankets, huh?

You eventually urged yourself to stand, knowing you'd have to clean up a little bit at some point and finish your paper before you could join him, but stopped right in your tracks when you noticed the change in screen.

Assignment Due: Monday, 9:30a.m.

Status: Turned In/Completed

"...What, bro...?" You muttered through a rasp of drowsiness, changing directions to head for your desk rather than the clothes and lose trinkets on your floor.

Once you were able to scroll through and read your submitted essay, which you at first thought you might've accidently turned in unfinished on accident, you skimmed over the end and were more than elated to see it had magically finished itself.

Well, okay, maybe not magically...

You looked back to Freddy's sleeping figure, grinning ear to ear at what you knew was his kind gesture. Finishing your paper for you. You'd have to thank him a thousand times in a thousand ways, as many as you could think of. Words couldn't express how grateful you were, not only for him doing your essay but for him in general. You stared at your wrapped up arm, finding yourself smiling harder than you thought possible.

"I love you." You spoke aloud, flopping onto the bed without much care, simply full of giddy for how much you adored having Freddy in your life.

"You're so-"

"...I love you, too..."

You perked up when his sleep murmurs interrupted the start of more praises, smiling down at him in both fondess and amusement as he wrapped an arm around you. Unconsciously...

He had responded to you in his sleep.

Was that a lame ending, or was that the 'Boom, super profound mega happy ending' I saw it to be in my head...?

Idk yall, you tell me 'causeeee....💀✋🏽. But seriously, I really hope you liked this, I finished it up right when my sickness finally went away so, yeah💕🥴.

~ Star✨️

Back to the Master List

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sonicboomseason3 · 2 years

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Sonic boom season 3 ep where omega uses his experience in law to defend shadow in court. (he was accused of killing fastidious beaver and no one really cares but still. Murder. He also is 100% guilty) Edgebot from the Brude episode is the prosecutor. Omega manages to pin the blame on sonic somehow and then fastidious beaver just. Walks into the court room. Turns out he just got knocked out instead of actually killed(which was the goal). No one knows how they managed an autopsy without actually harming him. The episode ends with T.W. barker asking Omega to defend him in court against charges of extortion. Omega gets paid for none of this btw.

HELP? i already wanted to come up with an episode that was a parody of ace attorney and you just fed me thank u. also you are so based for the multiple references to my other posts no one normal would say this but im so glad i turned on anon on tumblr dot com

anyway lemme add on to this:

its obvious from the get go to the audience that shadows guilty. not because hes a bad liar or anything he just doesnt care to pretend. what does he have to lose? his freedom??? the prison doesnt want him they know better than to attempt to detain him. his reputation??? right, because hes so clearly known for his innocent harmless and gentle demeanor with everyone. hell if he goes down as the one who killed fastidious beaver, people will finally take him seriously again after being forced into so many comedic scenarios for this blasted shows universe. the only thing stopping him from standing up and outright confirming that he did it is that hed never hear the end of it from omega whos high key excited for his debut as a lawyer

tw barker wanted to continue his lawyer career so he practically begged shadow to hire him but like... he does c/rypto on the side and shadows an anticapitalist king so he essentially told him to eff off

the "courtroom" is just meh burger reorganized so half of the tables represent the prosecutors desk and the other half the defenses. the restaurant counter is the judges chair. there may be an actual courthouse they can do this at but after that one time omega left the restaurant he got placed under house arrest or should it be called restaurant arrest? is meh burger technically his home or……… he cant leave or else a self destruct switch will activate is what im trying to say

(hi its me from the future <3 apparently anons idea resonated so hard with me that i got kinda carried away with my little additions and i dont wanna be obnoxious if i can help it so im putting this under a read more okay continue on. or not if you dont wanna hear about how literally the entire trial goes i guess)

knuckles is the judge which makes perfect logical sense

the detective is vector whos televising this entire trial while hes at it. he barely has anything to work with because a CERTAIN SOMEONE disposed of the body but from what he could piece together fastidious beaver was being annoying at meh burger so shadow grabbed him by the scruff, dragged him over the counter, and dunked his head into the deep fryer. as anon mentioned he somehow survives this

sticks conducted the autopsy and by that i mean she whacked fastidious beaver in the head with her boomerang a couple of times and when he didnt wake up from that she hurled him into the sea. once again this makes perfect logical sense its not like we have other characters much better equipped to be scientific about this. and he somehow survives this as well

edgebot looks exactly like omega except with more spikes. he wants revenge against shadow for besting him at Brude™️ which is why hes doing this. from this episode onward hes omegas main rival in the field of law and also theyre brothers since they were both created by eggman. M1KU is their sister. orbot and cubot are their eldest siblings. what a nice family

oh and instead of yelling "OBJECTION" each side just fires a projectile (ice cream for omega, knives for edgebot) at the other robot causing sogginess and scratch marks

all the other characters are the gallery and theyre sitting outside on the grass watching this all go down with varying degrees of attention. eggman in particular feels very conflicted because he wants to support edgebot but he doesnt want to make omega feel like the unfavorite and of course he doesnt want to root for shadows downfall either

witness 1 is dave who was standing right next to shadow when he was committing the deed and did absolutely nothing to stop him. omega gets him to recant by pelting him with ice cream nonstop and giving him hypothermia

witness 2 is amy who was at the front of the line to order when this went down and also saw everything but omega cracks her testimony by getting her to admit that shadows back was towards her at the time so she cant say for sure that was shadow. sure no one else around is a black hedgehog with red stripes but she cant prove it was him can she?

witness 3 whos infinite is mainly there to testify about shadows character and of course he starts talking so much trash about him and painting him in the worst light possible. "also those red things next to his eyes? theyre UGLY." "YOURE THE UGLY ONE YOU MASK WEARING FREAK!!!" shadow yells as he leaps from the defendants chair and tackles infinite to the floor because these two in the boomverse would be so catty you will not change my mind about this. a recess has to be called

rouge whos witness 4 is also there to establish character and shes one of the few who isnt intimidated by shadow so when asked questions about whether hes capable of doing this shes like "lol maybe idk can i go to my manipedi appointment now" (side note but shadows constantly at a loss for words when it comes to rouge precisely because of this. none of his threats ever affect her so if he cant scare her then What Else Can He Do)

eventually omega pushes everything onto sonic by saying he was disguised as shadow to frame him which is an accusation that comes out of left field because in case you werent paying attention sonic isnt involved in this incident/trial AT ALL. he was sitting in the gallery for the first half of the proceedings but grew bored so he left only to be forced to come back when hes accused. insert sa2 references here yada yada faker etc etc youre not even good enough to be my fake blah blah blah live and learn

shadow surprisingly is pretty against the direction this trial has gone because it actually really pisses him off when people imply that he and sonic look alike even when it directly benefits him but just when hes about to put his foot down and own up to the crime (omegas fun be DAMNED) fastidious beaver comes in "correcting" his grammar and everyone freaks out. especially him.

omegas disappointed that his first trial was ultimately a dud but then tw barker comes up to him and tells him hes in trouble for extortion and omega ALMOST accepts until he learns that the incident involved c/ryptocurrency

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griancraft · 2 years

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Dude what the hell is wrong with you. there are non-sexual methods of grooming? this is disgusting to send someone after they open up about a traumatic event. I should not have to go in depth about trauma that ruined my life to be seen as valid. But here we go I guess.

They ruined my fucking life. Don’t you dare say that my trauma isn’t valid when we’re discussing an adult with a power imbalance exploiting a minor. Cause that’s what happened to me. Non sexually, but sexual trauma isn’t the only type of trauma out there.

I feel stupid for feeling like this but I need you to know this isn’t okay. Im talking from my perspective as someone who was exploited. Groomed, really, as strange as that is to admit. Im saying that I don’t feel comfortable with people who support him following me. I’m not making any statements I shouldn’t be.

Tw for. Fucking everything I guess. Grooming, talk of mental health issues, so on. This is more than I’ve shared with anyone ever. I’m sorry. I don’t want to post this but it’s going up I guess!!! Fuck!!!

Like dude I had my innocence taken advantage of. They got money off of me, made me believe I had to get the job they wanted me to in order to support them because they didn’t want to work. I was 15 turning 16. This group of 3 adults ranging from 18-20 were proshippers who frequently gaslit me (the actual definition of the term) and exploited my poor mental health in order to use me. They used my symptoms of BPD and DID to make me feel scared they would leave and memory issues.

They made me feel like I was in the wrong for being uncomfortable about them shipping minors and adults. They made me feel like I was in the wrong, and that I was evil for standing up for myself. I am so fucked up bu them I have to constantly ask for reassurance that people don’t hate me YEARS later. I say I but I am legitimately not the same person. I am one of the alters that split from Kevin. I have not been me for years and it fucking sucks I don’t remember my childhood because of how much this overshadowed my life and changed it forever. I will never be who I was before that ever again. I will never feel the same I will never have the same interests or friends because they don’t know what it’s like to have every waking moment terrified. Terrified that they’re going to find you again.

Every time I see Everyman Hybrid fanart I fucking shake and feel like I’m going to throw up. My blood runs cold whenever someone gets mad at me or is upset with me. and it’s getting better now but it used to be so fucking bad I would block friends I loved because they were mildly annoyed. You don’t fucking know my trauma. You don’t know how this ties into my view of my body and my sexual experience. How I view friendships and relationships and how I loose everyone I fucking loved because I have hours long breakdowns about how they’re using me for something or making fun of me or how they don’t actually like me. About how I’m just like those freaks who messed me up for life. They wanted to meet up. They made me feel like my body was theirs, not in a sexual way but in a more literal sense. I wasn’t good enough unless I was doing something to service them. I fucking hate airing my trauma online because I go oh it wasn’t that bad but it was.

Did you know I had to go to my adult friend and get him to talk me down from killing myself? Did you know that they told me they were scared of me and that I was a terrible person? That’s fucked me up forever. Forever and ever. I will never stop thinking about that. Ever! I will never consider myself a good person.

They’re into MCYT. I never know if they’re going to find me, find my new blog. I used to live in fear of them finding me and telling people what I thought I did. I did nothing wrong but I thought if people found out what they did to me, how I let myself be hurt, they would hate me.

I’m. Going to log off for a few days I think. Maybe not because Im so fucking tied to this bell site. I’m not sure if I feel safe being here for a bit, at the least.

#tw grooming #tw vent #i guess #im not. i don’t even know if Im mad im just.#thanks for like. actually triggering me dude you’re sooooo nice and coool #tw suicide

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whispers-of-gallifrey · 4 years

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Side of my brain panicking about the future vs side of my brain panicking about not living to see the future fight!

#tw death #this post brought to you by the panic attack i had this morning about everyone i love dying and it being my fault #and the panic attack i had 10 minutes ago about failing second year when i dont even start till next week #i mean ive always had panic attacks thinking about the future so thats nothing new bc theres so much uncertainty #i wish i could have a step by step breakdown of everything bc then i could actually do stuff #like all of my lectures are pre recorded and released every monday so keeping ontop of them is gonna be hell #like its hard enough to remember to do the reading for things but the lectures too??? i have to chose my own 2hr timeslots in which to watch #them????#2nd is gonna be hard and it actuallt counts so im probably gonna get a third and the amount of work i put into getting a first last year is #meaningless so why did i even bother trying and crying so much about everything i did #i wish i could get a diagnosis for something bc somethjngs not normal about me and i want to be able to focus and work normally and i cant #ive always been a high achieving student which sounds like a really stupid thing to complain about like oh no i got another a* how horrifyin #but i have such a huge fear of failure and an inability to start a task unless i know precisely what to do bc i dont want to get it wrong #and uni is so hard for that bc the only time you get feedback is when they grade your work and thats your final grade #whereas at school all your work was practice for the final exams so you could improve #but uni theyll give you your mark and a comment like oh you should have included x #and like that would be good for future reference except im not doing that topic again so whats the point #okay i guess my panic attack is still going rip #sorry for rambling i just need to speak this into the void

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toiletwipes · 3 years

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simpbur's college roommate

tw: obsession, possessiveness? not really tbh, simpbur is caught, overstim, vibrator, afab body, vaginal penetration, pretty boy is thrown around and so is good boy, praise, maybe a tiny bit degrading, im just a little bit scared to look through this to check for anything else. its not bad but im just scared i'll delete this if i dont post it now.

1.7k words, so not that long but I promised you guys content so here it is!

-----

it was the smaller things, really.

you wouldn’t notice them, if you weren’t looking for them, type of deal. a shirt that fits you just a little bit too snug so it sits in the back of your closet, or did. an old polaroid with an older friend, faces smiling into the flash of light, it had sat in the bottom of your old memory box, said box gone untouched by you for months. an oversized, raggedy hoodie that you had ditched for a newer, softer coat.

you didn’t want to believe it but at the moment you had bigger fish to fry with schoolwork.

the coat from before sat in your lap at the moment, you parked yourself in the library as you studied with a close friend for some government essay, and you were just nearly finished with the second to last page, when your friend spoke up.

she taps on your arm, pulling out your earbud, “hey, your roommate is will, er, wilbur, right?” you stopped in the middle of a word, lifting your head to meet her eyesight.

“yeah, why? he being creepy or something?” you ask, hoping for a no, he wasn’t bad, but you knew that if anybody else had been his roommate, he would've found himself in trouble during the first week alone.

“no, actually, it’s just- it’s just that, um, are you guys dating?” you snorted, really? you and him? dating?

“he’s cute, but no, why d’ya ask?” you laugh to yourself as you look into your notes as you start typing again.

“well, he’s just been wearing your hoodie, like a lot.” you still, eyebrows furrowing. your hoodie?

“how do you know it's my hoodie?” you look her in her eyes, folding your arms together as you lean back.

“i know for sure its your hoodie because it has that one bleach stain on the front and on the shoulder from when you said you could wear a hoodie and bleach your hair, and the time that you spilt bleach directly onto your hoodie and panicked for five minutes before doing something about it. i know it's yours so why is he wearing it?” your mind is blank as you stuff your things back into your backpack, her sputtering with questions and your lack of answers leaving much to be desired.

but as you exit the building, you shrug your coat as it starts to pour and the dark sky flashes for a moment. you rush in your walking to get to the dorms as soon as possible. just your luck that your dorm is on the other side of the campus. its still about five minutes before you bang on your dorm room. the music blasting on the other side silences as your roommate opens the door, his mouth drops into a round circle and you stare at his chest as you push past him.

“where the hell have you been? it’s barely been pouring!” he sounds off like a rattled hen but you head straight to your room, dumping your backpack and coat on your bed. without an answer, he follows you but any questions he has dries in his mouth as he watches you dig in your closet. pulling a ratty tee shirt and shorts you shrug your soaked shirt over your head.

will has to force himself out of the room but it's not a second later when you come out, hair wet and skin damp when you grab onto his head of hair and pull as you drag him to his room.

throwing him onto the bed, you barely glanced at his face, seeing it already being covered in tears, hands grasping for yours as it leaves him.

you glance around his room before you see the one clean area, his nightstand and dig through that. you found not only items you knew were missing but more, underwear you thought you'd thrown away, a vibrator that you'd thought had gotten stolen by a petty friend, not an obsessive roommate.

and then throwing his closet open, you saw it balled up and thrown in the corner, your hoodie.

taking it out, you push it into will's chest. "dude, literally, what the fuck?" you go to shout at him more but he moves onto his knees, tears dripping and pouring down his cheeks, begging for you to not leave.

"i know i'm a creep, a disgusting one at that, but please don't- please don't leave me, no one's been this nice and stayed with me for this long," he begs and continues to beg as you stand at the foot of his bed, watching as he took a hold of your forearms, rubbing circles into them.

you clasp a hand over his mouth as you coo, shushing him and smoothing over his hair with your other hand.

"my dirty, little stalker doesn't want me to go, but who said i was going to let you leave?" you then pull back on his hair, relishing in the guttural moan that is ripped from his throat, attaching your lips to his neck and climbing into lap, grinding down into the growing bulge in his sweats.

he moans out your name, hands finding purchase wherever he can, gripping your hip and your shoulder, trying to thrust up and meet your hips but you move your hands to hold his hips down.

"no, no, no, good boys take what they're given, that much you've proven, will," you murmur in his ear, slowing the rolls in your hips and watching him writhe beneath you.

"be a good boy for me, huh? are you my pretty boy?" he sobs out a yes as you grind down hard on his cock, the praise going straight to his dick as you mouth bruises into his neck. sucking particularly hard his hands come and circle around your waist, his head hanging onto your shoulder.

"please, please let me-"

"oh no, baby, tonight, it's all about you," you pause, standing up and hearing that beautiful whine pulled from his throat, "your punishment for being a dirty, little whore who wanted all my things for yourself, all of me without me." he shook his head, eyes barely opening as he reaches for you, but you've gone to his nightstand and pulled out the vibrator, turning it on and off and finding it surprisingly still working. well, not that surprising.

"now, you're gonna be a good boy and let me take care of you, or you can be alone," he reaches for you, begging you not to leave him and you can't say you weren't that affected.

something about this tall, greasy simp of a man, who stole your things and wears your old hoodie, begging for you not to go, it just settled nicely in the bottom of your stomach.

you weren't denying you were absolutely soaked by now, shoving your shorts off.

"please, i'll- your good boy, be so good for you-" he cuts himself off as you climb back to straddle his lap, this time rolling your hips once before you turn your vibrator on.

"good, so good for me," you hum as you place the vibrator between your panty-clad folds and his sweatpants-covered-cock. the vibrations sent you to a different plane as you grind into him, listening to the way he cried and the way his legs trembled.

you could tell the next moment, he was about to cum and well, you can't have that, not so soon. "ah, ah, ah," you breathe out, taking the vibe away as you lean back and away from his dick.

he lurched forward and his legs shake again as he's denied an orgasm, he cries out and into your neck.

"is my baby ready for ten more of these?" you ask him and his eyes snap wide open, meeting yours and when a moment passes and you press the vibe back against his dick, he whines.

you weren't kidding about before, it's been about an hour, you think, and he's buried his face in a pillow, crying from the over-stimulation and from not cumming.

you, yourself, have occupied your time with stretching yourself out, three fingers buried deep into your pussy and the sounds coming from it has will peeking out from the pillow, eyes sparkling with that crying glow.

taking your fingers out, and sticking them into his mouth, you move yourself over his lap, taking his cock in your hand as you rub it in between your folds. moaning, you move away as his hips jerk upwards, him biting and crying into his fist.

"my pretty baby, doing so well for me, gonna let me make you feel good? you gonna let me make you cum?" will nods his head and lets out the loudest moan you heard that day when you sink down on his cock.

buried to the hilt, he twitches inside you, and he's begging to cum, "'m gonna, 'm gonna cum, please, plea- need to, i need to cum in you," he begs and who are you to deny your pretty boy that?

"cum for me baby," you say, out of breath as you bounce on his cock, reveling in the slick sounds coming from between y'all. he does cum, hips thrusting upwards to bury himself in you, and you let him. but when you know he's all spent, you start to bounce on his cock, him crying from the over-sensitivity.

"just- just let me cum," you breathe out, balancing yourself with his shoulder and one hand rubbing circles into your clit, moans coming from your mouth as sobs leaves will's.

"oh- oh fuck, fuck, fuck!" you cry out, squeezing around will and falling on top of his chest.

breathing together, you let yourself have this moment before you get up and moves towards the bathroom. you hear him calling out for you as you grab a damp towel, some water, and a dry towel.

"did you think i was going to leave you, baby?" you ask, mostly not expecting an answer but turning to him as you run the damp cloth over his face and neck, he bit his lip.

"a little bit, yeah."

"well, don't think about that again, because as much as you're weird and steal my shit, you're still important to me," you tell me, "you're my pretty boy and you're going to stay that way."

when you finished cleaning him up and then cleaned yourself, you take the spot next to him and pull the covers over you two.

he leans into your side, pulling you into him, trying to get closer than close.

"you promise?"

you smile to yourself, thinking about having him all to yourself, "i promise."

#simpbur #simpbur smut #simpbur x reader #k: praise #k: overstim #k: dacryphilia #k: dry humping #tw: afab #this just feels like crap but i have not been able to write anything else #really sorry

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atlaese · 3 years

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Black holes

Summary: you've both got a dark history, no way something could ever happen, right? Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader Words: 13K lmao i went OFF TW: talking about mental health, anxiety, depression, talking about violence, probably some death, food, cursing, angst, eventual fluff, tfatws spoilers, bad writing™ from yours truly, yes that should be it? A/N: this absolute beast has been a long long time in the making, and im very proud of this baby <3 like i put my heart on a silver platter and i offer it to you 🫀. i hope you enjoy it as much as i enjoyed writing it. This was written mostly to take a break from studying for finals, so do excuse any typos or weird thingys. the first part is based on an actual conversation I had with my therapist about why I’m so single™ i love feedback :)))) (so let's hear those thoughts! 💞) i'm actually so scared to post this lmao let's hope it doesn't flop

Song I listened to and got some lines out: Black Hole by Griff

MARVEL MASTERLIST | BUCKY BARNES MASTERLIST

Week 1

“I trust people,” the words slowly left his mouth, not convincing dr. Raynor at all. It didn’t convince himself fully either, to be honest.

“Okay, give me your phone,” Dr Raynor bent over, holding out her palm, a stern look on her face.

“You don’t have ten phone numbers on this thing. Oh, and you’ve been ignoring the texts from Sam. Look, you gotta nurture friendships, I am the only person you have called all week. That is so sad,” she scoffed as she flipped the phone closed and threw it back over to Bucky. “You’re alone. You’re a 100 years old. You have no history, no family-“

“Are you lashing out at me doc? Cause that’s really unprofessional you know,” Bucky grunted, “I mean when did that start, when you started yelling at your clients?”

Dr. Raynor smacked the notepad on her thigh, aggressively scribbling stuff down.

“Oh, the notebook. That’s great.”

“Alright, give me a break, I’m trying okay? This is new for me,” he sighed after a second, “I didn’t have a moment to deal with anything, you know.

“I had a little… calm in Wakanda, and other than that I went from one flight to another for 90 years.”

“So, now that you’ve stopped fighting, what do you want?”

What did he want? A normal life? No one that looked at him weird when they saw his arm? Not feeling like a killing machine that could let loose any second?

He eye twitched as he mulled over his thoughts, the next words tasting bitter, “peace.”

“That is utter bullshit!” she scoffed, not believing one word he had said this whole session.

“You’re a terrible shrink,” he offered, his lips twisted into a frown.

“I was an excellent soldier. I saw a lot of dead bodies and I know how that can shut you down,” dr. Raynor recalled, “and if you were alone, that is the quietest most personal hell, and James, it is very hard to escape.

“Look I know that you’ve been through a lot, but you got your mind back, you are being pardoned, I mean these are good things.

“You’re free,” she added after a moment, trying to get a reaction out of him.

“To do what?” His voice was monotone and steely. He was free, but if this is what freedom felt like, he’d rather be back alone in Wakanda.

“You need friends, James. You need other people in your life to be happy and to have that so called peace you wish for,” she started, trying to get eye contact but failing as Bucky kept looking behind her.

Bucky just shrugged and looked down at his hands again, refusing to say anything. Deep down he realized she was right, but she had no idea what he had been through for the last 90 years. She didn’t realize how hard it was to trust people other people again, as well as trusting that his goddamn mind wouldn’t get reset again and turn him back into him.

“I’ll work on it,” he grimly said, just to get her off his back.

Dr. Raynor glanced at her watch, “we have 15 minutes left, anything else you want to get off your chest?”

* * *

A few rooms over, you were also in a session with your therapist. The anxiety that used to take over your entire life, eventually caused you to look for a therapist. It had gotten better a little bit already, however your therapist also wanted to address some other stuff she noticed in you during the intense sessions.

“y/n, you keep mentioning, and I quote, ‘my ass is so single, I have to grab it myself’,” a sigh left her mouth, looking through the notes she jotted down over all the previous sessions. “but I don’t ever recall you doing something about that, right?”

“Well, no, not exactly no. I can only complain about it,” you slumped a little further into the couch, eyes focussed on the creases that lined your palms. Eye contact with dr. Russo was way too intense for your liking sometimes. She never blinked, almost trying to hypnotize you and it scared you a little.

“Instead of complaining, you could either go on dating apps or go on dates, or you know, stay alone but stop complaining?” she offered, a sly smirk on her face as your eyes snapped up towards hers, finally looking at her straight for the first time this session.

“Yeah, well I tried online dating. It sucks. I match with someone and they never reach out. And real life dating sucks as well. No one has ever asked me on a date.”

Dr. Russo scribbled something in her notepad again, making you sigh and look around her office. The taxidermy butterflies on the wall behind her creeped you out a little. What kinda shrink was she if she had dead animals propped up as decoration?

“So it never occurred to you that you could send the first message? Or ask someone out?”

Glancing up towards the ceiling, you blew out your cheeks, “well, if you say it like that, it’s easy!”

“Wow, I never thought about that before, thanks doc!” you exclaimed, now looking down at your phone to check the time, “Oh no, it’s been an hour already. Well, I guess we’re out of time, see you next week!”

You quickly stood up to leave the room and dr. Russo cleared her throat, “at least make some friends y/n! You can’t stay alone forever!”

The hallway was empty as you stepped away from dr. Russo’s office, the very last one in the long hallway. Just before you reached the door to the lobby, the door next to you opened and a man fully dressed in black stumbled out, a pissed off look set on his face. His body collided with yours and you almost lost your balance.

“Watch out, asswipe!” you shrieked, speeding off without actually checking on the guy.

“Jesus, good day to you too,” he called out behind you.

Just as you reached the door handle, you turned around slightly and gave him the finger. Whatever this guy thought he was, he was the one who didn’t look both ways before stepping out the door.

Bucky’s mouth fell open as he watched the woman give him the finger and then slam the door in his face. Whatever her therapist had said to her must have really ruined her day.

Bucky left the building, opting to go for a walk instead straight home. He couldn’t bear the look on Yori’s face when he talked about his dead son after today’s session. Maybe he should swing by next week, they could go to Izzy’s again for sushi.

Week 2

“Dude, its trash! What does it matter?” your voice pitched a little higher, upset that your neighbour, mr. Nakajima, wouldn’t let you use his trash can for the much needed take out you had ordered after your therapy session.

“y/n, you’ve got your own. Why are you so lazy? This generation,” he shook his head as he turned around to pull out the bag.

“Here, use your own!” he pushed the trash bag in your arms and you stumbled back a little, not expecting mr. Nakajima to actually pull out your trash from the smelly trash can.

“Come on, man. I don’t have any trash bags and I can barely afford rent,” you gave a bitter laugh, “we’re already stuck in this shithole, we should stick together Yori!”

Mr. Nakajima pressed a finger against your shoulder, “it’s mr. Nakajima, and you don’t even answer the door when I knock! That makes it very hard to be neighbourly!”

Before you could respond, a buff guy stepped in between you and mr. Nakajima, a pointed look on his face as he calmed down the older man.

“Hey! We were talking!” you gesticulated, waving a finger between you and Yori. Whoever this guy was, butting in to a conversation was rude - even when said conversation was more like an argument.

The guy turned towards you now, “sorry, ’m Bucky,” he mumbled, checking your face two times because you seemed very familiar, he just couldn’t put his finger on it.

“Yori’s just a bit stressed from being cooped up all day.”

“Well, Yori,” you emphasized his name, a bit pissed that he could address the older man by his first name, “should go out more then.”

Mr. Nakajima luckily was held back by Bucky, because you were sure the old man would pounce on you, the look on his face telling all.

“Do I know you from somewhere?” Bucky implored, keeping his hand on Yori’s shoulder. Were you a relative of someone on his list of amends or something?

“I live in the building, apartment next to him,” you nodded towards Yori, “I’m y/n.”

“Ah, okay, well Yori and I were just on our way to Izzy’s right? It’s Wednesday, let’s enjoy some sushi, yeah?”

Bucky lightly pushed Yori the other way and gave you a half-hearted smile and said goodbye, hoping that you wouldn’t trash Yori’s apartment or kick over his bin.

The older man muttered something, but he looked happy to be out and about in the world, with a much younger friend than most of his peers.

Bucky and Yori left you standing in the alley with the trash bag still in your arms. Yori was talking animatedly when Bucky turned his head back towards you and he eyed Yori’s trashcan.

A grin took over your face when you understood what he meant, and you dropped the bag in the trash.

“Have fun!” you yelled out behind them, and mr. Nakajima held up a hand, not even looking back at you as they turned the corner.

Week 3

Walking home from therapy, you grabbed your headphones and blasted classical music through them, trying to push away the feeling of unease that was swirling in your stomach. The noise of the city mixed with the hundreds of people all around you were not helping the anxiety you felt.

You turned the corner to your apartment building when you watched mr. Nakajima being escorted outside by Bucky.

Bucky pressed a gloved hand against the door, holding it open for you. You bent your head as a way of saying thank you and pressed the button for the lift.

A finger tapped you on your shoulder as you were scrolling through your playlist trying to find a certain song and you turned around to face them, the one ear of your headphones pushed away so you could understand them.

“Are you deaf or something?” Bucky asked, pointing to his ears.

“Ah, it’s you again. Taking Yori out on a date again?” The lift dinged and the rickety doors opened slowly.

“Its noise cancellation by the way,” you added, pointing towards your headphones.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Bucky pried, his brows pushed together.

“It means that noise doesn’t filter through,” you stuck your hand between the doors of the lift, preventing it from closing and going up again.

“Are you implying that I’m noise?”

“Yes. Anyway, why are you stopping me? Don’t let the old man wait,” you took a step into the lift, but kept your hand above the sensor, leaving the doors open.

“Well, uh. Here’s the thing,” he scratched the back of his neck and nodded his head towards the backdoor, “Yori said you’re kind of a loner and he also wanted to apologize.”

You ignored the first statement. It wasn’t false anyway, but you were impressed that Yori noticed that.

“Why isn’t Yori here himself then?” you popped out a hip, fully leaning on one leg as you tilted your head a bit, lips pursed.

“We have a reservation at Izzy’s. We go every Wednesday after thera- uh, yeah-, yeah just every Wednesday,” he blushed a little and he gave you a lopsided grin, “his treat, take it or leave it.”

The lift dinged again, signaling it had been waiting for a long period already. You rubbed your face in your hand for a moment before sighing, “sure. I’m hungry anyway."

* * *

The restaurant was very busy for a Wednesday evening. You were sitting next to Bucky at the bar, mr. Nakajima on his other side. The golden maneki-neko was waving at you the whole time, and it distracted you a little from the numerous people in the restaurant. The three of your looked very odd together to say the least: an older man, a younger man wearing gloves inside, and you; bags under your eyes that you were sure could be identified as a new type of black.

Yori had apologized and you had as well, saying you had a bad… week and you promised you would come by once in a while, so he wasn’t as lonely in his apartment. Yori was actually pretty cool you figured, as he was pestering Bucky the whole time about his love life, as well as how bad he was holding his chopsticks.

Yori was trying to get Bucky to ask out the waitress, and you amusedly popped a piece of sushi in your mouth as you listened to their bickering.

Bucky was shaking his head and giving Yori a death stare as he asked Leah out for him. Your gaze flitted between Bucky and Leah and you could see the wheels turning in her head trying to figure out the relationship between you and Bucky.

You stared back down at your plate, deciding which piece of sushi would be next, trying to send the hint that there was nothing going on between you. For Leah that was a sign you were not interested at all. She agreed and told Bucky when her shift ended.

“Wow, Yori, you’re quite the matchmaker, aren’t you?” The question was kind of muffled as you had just popped a big piece of sushi in your mouth, but Yori fervently nodded anyway.

“I used to do it to my son all the time,” he recalled better times where his son was still alive, “nothing ever came of it, but at least he was out for an evening.”

Bucky was staring at his beer bottle, an uncomfortable look across his face and you wondered why the subject of death made him so uncomfortable. To think of it, you had no idea who this guy was, beside a first name.

You nudged his bottle of beer with yours and raised your eyebrows in question. He just shook his head and stood up, announcing that he needed a breath of fresh air.

Yori had moved on to talking to the person next to him, asking about their age and mentioning how many people had died that week of old age.

You slipped out of your seat, not yet comfortable enough with Yori to butt in the conversation, and followed Bucky outside into the fresh air, curious as to why he suddenly felt uneasy when before he looked perfectly fine.

He was leaning against the wall staring up at the night sky, a small notebook clasped between his gloved hands.

When you cleared your throat, he quickly put away the notebook in the pocket of his black pants and straightened up his stance.

“It’s real stuffy inside,” you offered as a reason, taking a deep breath of fresh air. It had actually become quite busy, busier than you could handle at the moment.

He pursed his lips in acknowledgment, but didn't actually say something.

It was actually pretty calm in the part of the city, an occasional hoot of a horn somewhere in the distance the only thing disturbing the comfortable silence.

“It’s nice that you take Yori out every week,” you broke the silence after a bit, “I know I made fun of it but I’m sure he appreciates it.”

The pained look on his face was gone after a second, but you caught it anyway. Up until that point you just thought it was neighbourly and out of pure friendliness, but there might have been another reason. It did feel like something personal, something you weren’t supposed to ask about.

“Yeah, gets him out of his apartment and me too, I guess,” he finally decided upon, masking his feelings and putting on a smile.

“I don’t believe someone like you doesn’t go out much, you look like a chick-magnet.”

“No, a person-magnet in general,” you added, looking him up and down. You had to admit, he was easy on the eyes, the scowl he usually wore adding a certain type of mysteriousness that drew even you in.

“Geez, thanks,” he scoffed, blushing a little nonetheless.

“What’s your excuse for cooping up in your apartment?” he returned the question, “I’m sure you’re a ‘person magnet’ too.” He even used his fingers as quotation marks, which made you laugh.

“Great question for another time, Bucky,” you looked down at your phone. It was getting late and this question hit a little too close to home for now.

A corner of his mouth lifted, “another time, huh?”

“See you later, Bucky,” you winked.

You went back inside to grab your coat, pay your part of the bill - you didn't feel comfortable with Yori paying for you -, and say goodbye to Yori, promising him once again to visit him once in a while.

When you got back outside again, Bucky was on the phone, listening to a voicemail it seemed like. A line was deep set on his forehead, but he smiled as you waved goodbye at him.

Bucky was a quiet soul, but you felt that there was some darkness hidden deep inside of him. The darkness that harnessed your soul as well, and damn you if it didn’t drew you in.

Week 7

“Okay, y/n, let’s circle back to why you’re here in the first place,” dr. Russo said, her pen ready to take notes.

“Fuck this,” you whispered to yourself, but dr. Russo had heard it and was already writing down something in that stupid notebook of hers.

It stayed quiet for a minute. It’s not that you didn’t want to talk about it. It was so hard to get the words over your lips as images flashed through your brain, making you relive on of the worst moments of your life over and over again. The moment your life bursted out like a supernova, destroying everything in its way.

“What if I asked you to rank how bad it still influences your day to day life, on a scale from 1 being nothing to 10 a lot?” She tried, her gaze set on your face, willing you to say something, anything.

You heard the explosion before you saw it, too busy laughing with the driver instead of looking in front of you. The car in front of you exploded when it drove over a hidden roadside bomb, the wreck flipping over onto its roof. The vehicle you were in slammed on the brakes and it slid to a halt as all oxygen left your lungs. Your colleagues, your colleagues were in that car that just exploded right in front of your eyes. Laura, your colleague, whose brown curls were still bouncy even after wearing a helmet all day. Laura, who just got engaged to her girlfriend. Laura, who just-

“Like a 7, I would say,” you guessed after thinking for moment. You tried to keep your emotions under wraps, tried to have a blank slate on your face. You couldn’t risk breaking again, setting back the months of work you had already done.

“Okay, 3 months ago it was a 12, so I would say that’s an improvement, y/n,” dr. Russo smiled. “I’m very proud of all the work you’ve put in y/n,” she added, emphasizing your name. It didn’t even matter if she said your name or not, the numbness just took over sometimes, so far that when someone said your name, you didn’t even react.

What were you supposed to say now, thank you? Thank you for helping you getting out of the deep hole you couldn’t get yourself out of, not that you had tried very hard anyway. Thank you for filling the black hole that replaced your heart and made it impossible to connect to other human beings.

“Yeah, sure,” you mumbled as you stared at the butterflies again. Some were dark, fully opaque colours with a speck of colour mixed in. Others were a million and one colours, alive and vibrant. The darker ones always drew you in more, ever since you started coming here.

“So, let’s talk about Nadir, the local man who translated and interpreted for you, yes?” dr. Russo was digging deep in this session, picking at each and every one of the trauma’s you suffered after your humanitarian aid mission in the middle east.

“Help!” The pained voice sounded over the loud ringing that was going through your head. The team and you had stumbled out of the car one after the other, looking at the burning wreck in front of you. Nadir was on his motorcycle just behind the first car, he was lying down on the ground, his bike on top of his lower body, debris of the car piled on top of him as well. The team had sped to his rescue, pushed the bike off of him after a quick check to make sure it wouldn’t cause any more harm. It wouldn’t be okay. Nadir would never use his right leg again. Nadir didn’t deserve this. No one deserved this-

“I haven’t talked to him since the incident,” your voice came out hoarse, your throat dry as sand paper as you thought about Nadir. Nadir whose smile made everything you had been through worth it. Nadir who probably never wanted to talk to you again.

“Why not? It’s great for trauma survivors to stick together, to talk about it, so it can be processed,” dr. Russo tapped her pen against her notebook, “and you know, Nadir used to be a friend, something you’re in dire need of.”

You felt your jaw tense as she repeated for the millionth time that you needed friends to talk about your stuff. This wasn’t something you could spring on people you just met, why couldn’t she understand that?

“Have you made any friends yet, y/n?” she pried again. You hated how much she said your name, trying to form a rapport and to get your attention every time she asked a question.

“I actually went to dinner with my elderly neighbour and his friend,” you admitted. Maybe she would back off on the friends questions from now on.

“Oh, that’s great! These old folks must be very happy to be on a date with a young woman like you.”

“Uh well, his friend is more my age? I don’t know why or how they’re friends, but he’s nice,” the look of surprise made you realize you had maybe said a bit too much and she quickly wrote down something else in her notebook.

A few more minutes. A few more and you were done for this week. You could put on your headphones, play some classical music to drown out the noise from the city and walk home.

“Maybe ask this friend of his out for dinner? Get to know him, y/n, see it as your assignment for next week. Ask him out, on a date or just as friends. That’s not too hard, right?”

You shot her a dirty look, but she remained unfazed as she closed her notebook without breaking eye contact with you.

“I’m serious, y/n.”

“Ah, shit, sure why not,” you stood up from the couch and pulled on your coat, “see you next week, doc.”

The door closed behind you and you let out a deep sigh, slumping against the wall. These sessions really drained every ounce of energy you had left, so much that all you wanted to do when you got home was order take-out and binge watch some trash tv.

Another door closing snapped you out of your thoughts, and you looked at the other person who had left their therapist’s office.

The figure was very familiar as you racked your brain for whoever this could be.

“Uh, wait!” You yelled in the spur of the moment, not really thinking about the fact that people didn’t particularly like getting recognized leaving a therapy session.

The figure turned around, the look on their face revealing that they also recognized your voice.

“Wait, Bucky?” How the hell was this possible? Your neighbour’s friend had the same time slot on the exact same day, just a different therapist?

“Y/n? What are you doing here?” His gravely voice reached your ears as you stepped closer to him. He looked tired, and bored. God, he must be a fun client in therapy.

“Probably same reason as you,” you narrowed your eyes at him.

“Therapy,” he answered after a beat, nodding lightly, “okay. Are you walking home?”

You nodded and opened the outside door, a gust of wind hitting you in the face immediately. Bucky followed you outside, his gloved hands hanging limply by his side.

“You go to therapy for you staring problem?” You nudged his side and he scoffed.

“You here for your trash problems?” You let your jaw drop, but laughed anyway. You didn’t expect him to actually play along, but the small smile that was present on his face made you realize he did actually like to bicker.

“Um, hey, I really don’t want to ask, but my therapist is making me do this,” you said when you arrived at your apartment building. Your tiredness had to wait, as this was a moment that probably wouldn't happen again any time soon.

He stopped in front of the entrance, a look of puzzlement crossed his face, “sounds intense?”

You nodded, “I’m apparently in dire need of friends, so, uh, would you want to grab dinner?”

“As friends of course,” you quickly added, “I know you’re dating that girl form Izzy’s.”

“Your assignment was for you to ask me out?” He ignored the comment about Leah, his hands now in his front pockets and a cocky smile on his face.

“Please, don’t be a dick about it,” you begged, trying your best not to smile, so you rolled your eyes instead.

“Sure, let’s go,” he stretched out his arm, signaling he was ready to go, “‘m not dating Leah by the way.”

“Wait, what? Didn’t you go out with her?”

“Kinda walked out on her in the middle of the date,” he admitted, an uneasy look on his face as you kept walking through the city.

“You did not,” you gasped, “please tell me you had a good excuse.”

When he didn’t respond for moment, you clicked your tongue disapprovingly, “c’mon Bucky, that’s rude.”

“I left a note the next day, felt bad,” he admitted as you both stopped in front of a small burger joint

You shook your head, “you seem like such a gentleman though!”

“I am!” He exclaimed, “I even got her flowers. Apparently no one does this any more?”

“You’re quite interesting, aren’t you?” So he was a gentleman after all, just not all the time?

“Well, I think people mostly give flowers to someone they’re dating for a long time already. Not that I know, haven’t been on a date in ages.”

“Makes two of us then,” he replied as you sat down at a table, a waiter bringing over the menu’s.

You both ordered a hamburger with fries when the waitress returned. You settled in your seat, leaning back and scanning Bucky’s face.

“So you don’t date,” he asked, but it seemed more like a statement. His fingers were toying with his leather gloves, that he was still wearing inside the restaurant.

The words of dr. Russo shot through your head. Friends talk about this kind of stuff, right? Was this a good point in the barely-there relationship to dump all you problems over him, hoping that he wouldn't walk out on this either?

“There’s this big, black hole where my heart used to be,” you murmured, staring outside at the busy street.

“Just some real shitty stuff happened to me,” you elaborated when you noticed the confused look on his face.

“Wanna talk about it?” He asked as the waitress put down your drinks.

You took a big gulp from your soda, giving yourself a second to form a coherent sentence in your head before answering.

“Uh, I was- I am a humanitarian aid coordinator. I was on a mission in the middle east a few months ago,” the words came out surprisingly easy, easier than when you were in your therapy session.

“We were driving back to our camp when one of our vehicles drove over a hidden roadside bomb. Killed 4 people instantly, another one lost a leg.

“So by sheer luck I’m still here and some of my colleagues aren’t,” you bit down hard on your lower lip, willing the tears back to where they came from.

“So, that’s why I’m in therapy every Wednesday. Real fun,” you concluded, trying to make fun of yourself and your situation but failing miserably.

“How long has it been?” He softly asked. His voice had no hint of pity, it felt more like… understanding?

“Like, three months give or take.”

You both stayed silent when the waitress placed your orders in front of you. Once she left, you immediately took a big bite from the hamburger, not realizing how hungry you actually were.

“Well, this feels like an interrogation, so answer me this; Yori told me you didn’t show up last week, or the week before. Care to explain why you ditched the old man?” You spoke up, popping a fry in your mouth.

He sighed, a grim look appearing on his face, “I uh, I got arrested.”

“Arrested?” Your voice pitched a bit higher, “what are you, a criminal?”

“I missed a court ordered therapy session, so you decide.”

“I didn’t even know court could mandate therapy sessions, what for?” Bucky had asked difficult questions before, now it was your turn.

“I, uh, I was the winter soldier?” He slowly uttered the words. The reaction of people always went one of two ways. Either it was “so cool, you’re like a killing machine dude!” or “ah you murdered all these people? And you get to walk around freely? Jesus, our justice system is messed up.”

“Oh,” you scratched at the chipped nail polish on your finger, “but you were brainwashed? So technically it wasn’t you?”

He let out the breath he was unconsciously holding and straightened his back, “yeah well, the memories are still up here.” He tapped his temple and popped another fry in his mouth.

“Fucking memories are the worst sometimes,” you agreed, downing the rest of your soda with ease.

“Tell me about it. Haven’t had a decent night of sleep in weeks,” he admitted, explaining why he had the dark circles under his eyes.

You pointed at your own, “same. What’s your go-to thing when you wake up after a nightmare?”

A smirk took over his face, he couldn’t believe you were actually bonding over trauma.

“I usually watch tv,” he narrowed his eyes at you, trying to figure out what you would do.

“I think, you go out to have a coffee in a 24/7 shop.”

You were impressed, “wow, that’s… very close actually. But it’s tea and I usually bring a book along with me.”

“Fair enough,” he laughed, exposing a gorgeous smile he had been hiding behind a stoic facade. You couldn’t help but laugh along, the black hole that was your heart not tugging away for once at the wonderful feeling that spread all throughout your body.

Week 9

Dr. Russo’s previous patient had needed a bit more time, so your session had started 25 minutes late. It didn’t happen often, so you just listened a little longer to your music. This also meant that your session was running late as well and you’d have to walk through the city during rush hour.

The sky had turned a pretty pink as the sun was setting for the day. The hallway was deserted as always, and you were kinda disappointed that Bucky’s session hadn’t run late as well. You hadn’t seen him in a while, he was always away for some sort of thing abroad with his partner. You had visited Yori two times, once where you played GO together and the other time just people watched in a small tearoom down the street.

Dr. Russo had proposed you walked home without music today, to get used to the sounds and noises of the vibrant city that was New York. The prospect of walking home without music, without anyone to distract you from the noises scared you a bit, but you bit down on your lip and put away your headphones in your bag.

Sound filtered in immediately when you opened the door to the street, and you took a deep breath before stepping out of the door. Closing your eyes for a second, you tried to get used to everything. A couple of people laughing in the distance, a car that hooted its horn a few blocks away, footsteps passing right in front of you-

“Y/n?”

Your eyes snapped open, immediately connecting to Bucky’s blue eyes.

“Bucky? Uh, I-, I didn’t know you were still here?”

A flush crept its way up from his neck to his cheeks and he scraped his throat, “I, yes, I was hoping to see you, but my session was done and you weren’t there so…”

He waited a second, the tension in the air feeling almost palpable. His voice was a bit rough, you noted.

“I asked the receptionist and yeah-, she explained dr. Russo’s previous session ran out.”

You fiddled with the zipper on your coat, trying to ignore the heat crawling up to your face.

“Uh, did you want to talk?” You asked after a beat. His blue eyes had been boring into yours, and you couldn’t deny the fluttery feeling that occurred in your stomach.

“Yeah, something like that,” he croaked out, “do you wanna grab a drink or-?”

You rolled your lips in fake consideration, the decision already made when he finished his sentence.

“Sure,” you nodded as well, “I know a calm place not too far from here.”

You nodded your head to the left, signaling he should follow you.

“How was your thing abroad?” You tentatively asked after a minute, trying to ignore all the noise that was giving you slight anxiety already.

His voice was a bit different than normal, just a little more of a grim sound lining it, “uh, heavy shit to be honest.”

That was all he said in that moment and you decided you’d save for it later.

“Well, I visited Yori twice,” you filled the silence. Not that it was awkward, you just wanted to hear his smooth voice in your ears again, focus on the exact tone he was using and how much calmer it made you feel.

“Oh did you now? Knew you’d like the man.”

“We played GO once and I had absolutely no idea how to play, so he won - and rubbed it in my face!” You gestured with your hands, not noticing the fascinated look that was growing on Bucky’s face.

“Oh, we went people watching as well,” you pushed open the door of the little bookstore/cafe combination you often frequented, “and this couple was trying to take a picture next to the fountain, yeah? Well, the guy fell straight in! It was amazing!”

The door closed behind you, the silence in the small shop immediately made you realize how talkative you had been the whole way over.

“Shit, sorry,” you cringed, your first instinct was to walk away, so you disappeared between the shelves filled with tons of books.

“Hey, it’s alright, I like hearing you talk,” he caught up with you, his hand grabbing your elbow to stop you in your tracks. He pulled you a little closer to him,

His firm but gentle grip grounded you, “it’s just, the noise of the city gets to me sometimes. It helps to talk over it.”

“I don’t want to diminish your feelings, but I do understand, y/n,” his gaze connected to yours.

It was quiet all around you, standing closely together between hundreds of books. The sincerity that flashed through his eyes made you hold your breath for a moment, your heart not feeling like a black hole, but more like a nebula. A nebula filled with a thousand stars and even more colours you couldn’t begin to imagine.

“Right,” you whispered after a while, before snapping out of your stupor and taking a step back, away from him and his intoxicating everything.

He cleared his throat and blinked a few times, clearly under the same trance you had been.

You grabbed his hand and pulled him with you, to the back of the bookstore where the cafe was located.

“Ta da,” you gestured to the room, random chairs and thrifted couches mixed in between bookcases filled old classics and luscious plants and strings of lights. There was a small counter with freshly baked goods and non-alcoholic drinks as well as more books spread all around the place.

It was cozy and homey and eclectic and dark: everything you needed when the nightmares woke you up and you couldn’t calm down at your own place. It was open 24/7 and had the best selection of tea you could ever wish for.

“Cozy,” he ran his finger over the backs of the books next to the table you were standing next to, pulling off your bag.

You hummed in response and sat down, dumping your coat over the back of the seat.

“So, what did you want to talk about?” You asked, getting yourself comfy in the big chair, three big pillows propped behind your back.

Bucky sat down, tossing a few of the pillows away because who needs this many pillows? He pulled off his gloves as well, revealing his vibranium hand to you for the first time and nodded slowly, licking his lips.

“It’s good news,” he started, a timid smile on his face, “great news even, if I’m being honest.”

You raised your brow in question, a smile tugging on the ends of your lips.

“I think I’m ready to stop therapy.” The words felt unsure, not set in stone yet.

You leaned over and put your hand on his knee, “Bucky, that’s amazing! I’m really proud of you.”

He rubbed his neck and looked away from your face, trying to mask his happiness.

“Did dr. Raynor clear you then? Or did you have to go back to court again-“

He held up a hand and you stopped talking immediately. After rummaging in his coat, he pulled out a little notebook. The same notebook you had seen him clutching closely when you first went to Izzy’s with him.

He looked through it, looking for a specific page before he stopped and slid the notebook over to you.

It was a full page with names, all but one crossed through. You didn’t recognize the crossed out names. The one that wasn’t crossed out yet made you pull your brows together.

“What’s Yori doing on this list?” You asked as you looked at him, “no, wait, what is this list?”

His finger ghosted over the crossed out names, “these are people who I made amends to, because of you know… the winter soldier thing.”

“Ah.”

“And Yori, he- uh, his son-,” he choked on the words. You grabbed his hand that was pointing to the names with both hands, the metal a bit chilly to the touch.

“Take your time,” you rubbed your thumbs in circles over his hand, trying to ease his nerves a little. It reminded you of your mother, when you’d get anxiety attacks during school or when the stress was just getting to you. It made you focus on the feeling of her soft skin on your hand, rather than the thoughts in your head that felt like a tornado ravaging everything or the way your heartbeat would feel different than usual.

He pulled himself together after a minute, dragging his right hand over his face.

“I uh, I- he killed his son… he-he wasn’t even a target but, but he was a witness, and- and the winter soldier doesn’t leave any witnesses,” he managed to say. He bit on the inside of his cheek, refusing to show any emotions.

“I have tried to tell him, multiple times, but-, but I always choke and back down. And… it’s time that I stop lying.”

His eyes were red and he was quickly blinking to get rid of the tears that were waiting to come out.

“Hi, what can I get you guys?” The waiter appeared out of thin air and you ordered a green tea with citrus for yourself and an americano for Bucky, along with some fresh cookies. You thanked them as they walked off to get your stuff, and you turned back to look at Bucky.

“Thanks,” he croaked once the waiter was out of earshot.

You nodded and let go of his hand, feeling a bit awkward that you’d been holding onto it so long.

“Here,” you closed the notebook and slid it back over to him, “I could come with to Yori? Only if you want to, of course.”

“I-, yeah, I would really like that, actually,” he breathed out and leaned back into the seat, drowning in the dark blue velvety fabric.

The waiter had dropped off your order after a while, putting a plate of cookies on the middle of the table.

“Just…, let me know when you want to go and I’ll be there,” you sincerely offered, then pushing a cookie in your mouth.

His whole face lit up as he watched you, your cheeks hamster-like as you were holding your hand in front of your mouth, trying to decently eat the cookie.

He lifted his cup of coffee to take a sip and then cradled it between his hands, “so, how is your therapy coming along?”

The cookie was still preventing you from speaking normally, so you held out your hand and rocked it slightly.

“So-so,” you added after a minute, “it really has its ups and downs.”

“She’s been pestering me about contacting another survivor, actually,” you admitted, “she says it will help me get to terms … or something along those lines.”

You took a sip of your tea, hiding your face behind your mug and avoiding Bucky’s intense gaze that was set on you.

“Do you- do you want to tell me about them?”

You put the mug back on the table and bit down on your lip.

Hesitation set in as you thought about Nadir. The vision of his right leg badly mangled under the bike flashing through your thoughts. Just thinking about it amplified the guilt you felt deep in your bones.

“Nadir had been with us for 7 weeks already. He-he was our local liaison and he interpreted for us as well,” you started the story, picturing Nadir’s face in front of you.

“He lived in the town we were staying in, so we saw his family a lot too. He had two young children, two boys and his wife always made us local food for when we’d be away for a few days.”

“So, a real family man then,” Bucky commented, a sad smile on his face.

“Yeah, his kids mean everything to him,” you nodded. The boys loved playing football with you and the rest of the team during down time, being much quicker than all the older people and slipping between the defense of your team. Quite literally as well, those boys wormed their way into your hearts and saying goodbye hurt more than you would’ve thought.

“After the incident,” your eyes glossed over as you tried not to choke on the words, “he-, he lost his right leg. So, playing football with his kids is probably out of the question.”

“Did he tell you that?” Bucky broke a cookie in two and slid a part over to you.

You rapidly blinked a few times, trying to get rid of the tears, “no, I don’t know actually. I don’t think he wants to talk to me.”

“What? Why would you say that?” His hand came to rest on your wrist, as you wiped your eyes with the back of your other hand.

“It’s my team’s fault he was in that situation! He wasn’t even supposed to be there, but we asked him to come with because we wanted his pers- personal opinion on something.

“He wasn’t even getting payed! We just- we just asked him if he wanted to come with us because he was such a great person and he just wanted to help!” you grimaced, your chin trembling and your head hanging low.

“Hey, don’t- don’t say that it’s your fault,” he wrapped his fingers tighter around your wrist to get your attention.

“That bomb was there, whether you were there or not. It’s a stupid coincidence. That’s war for you,” he started, putting your hand in both of his, his next words a bit softer than the ones before, “you can’t put words in Nadir’s mouth if you haven’t talked to him.”

He lowered his head, so his gaze could connect to yours, “talk to him. I’m sure blaming you or your team is not on his mind.”

“But, but what if he does?” You sniffled, “and- and I mean, the whole conflict got even worse after that. International aid workers that were caught in the middle? Made it all worse- so much worse.”

“But, sweetheart, I-,” he sighed, his brows pulled together as he watched you spiral into what he could only describe as a deep pit of despair.

“This is not your fault- not at all. You were at the wrong place, at the wrong time.”

When you finally looked up at him, he could see how much of a toll the whole thing actually had taken on you. Red eyes from a combination of exhaustion and crying, as well as the pronounced lines on your faces. Then he noticed how your hand was trembling in his, even when he was holding it so closely in his.

“I-i just feel like this black hole will swallow me so-soon,” you sniffled, trying to keep your eyes open, as tiredness set into your bones, making it difficult to even be.

“I’m sorry, I- I just feel that I don’t deserve the compassion you g-give me,” the words stuttered out.

The therapy session itself had been intense already, but you never expected the conversation with Bucky to take this turn. You never talked about the incident with anyone, except with dr. Russo. Even though you had told Bucky about the incident itself already, you had never revealed how you truly felt about everything and how your feelings were so intense sometimes, you felt they could be the end for you.

“No, please don’t say that,” the exasperated plea left his mouth, “you have been nothing but kind to me, even after everything I’ve told you.”

“And your literal job is helping people, of course you deserve everything you need,” he softly squeezed your hand, his eyes portraying trying to show you just how much you meant to him already.

“You have so much compassion for people, why should you not deserve any yourself?”

You sniffled again and rubbed away the tears under your eyes with one hand.

“I- I don’t know, it’s just hard,” letting out a sad giggle at the sound of your hoarse voice, “I don’t know what to do sometimes.”

“That’s alright, you’re allowed to get lost sometimes,” a toothy smile on his handsome face, “I was lost for a very long time, but look, I think I can confidently say that I’ve made it.”

“You did, you really did Bucky,” you nodded, a small smile coming back to your face again. It felt a bit like the sunshine after an intense rain shower, the moment the first rays of sun came back to warm your face.

“Thanks- and sorry. For spiraling a bit,” you said, putting your other hand on both of his.

“Hey, don’t worry,” grabbing both of your hands in his, “and talk to Nadir. Please.”

The warmth you felt radiating out of this person, made you feel like you were wrapped up in a blanket. Safe and cozy and a place you never wanted to leave again. How a person made you feel this way was not something you ever thought was possible, but the moment proved it existed. The dark hole within your heart was slowly starting to dissipate, swallowing itself whole without dragging you with it into the depths of the universe.

“Thank god this place is kinda dark, I think we both look like wrecks,” you shakily laughed as Bucky rolled his eyes.

Week 11

“Let’s talk about the week you’ve had, anything interesting you want to tell me about?” dr. Russo said, opening her notebook and clicking down on her pen.

“Uhm, yeah, sure,” you sat a bit forward on the edge of the seat, clasping your hands together as you gathered your thoughts.

“I met up with that new friend and I opened up about my situation,” you said, “and yeah. It was nice to open up about it actually.”

“I’m glad you opened up, now how did this friend came to be?” she said as she scanned her notes, “Was it the older man’s friend?”

“Yes. He’s my neighbours friend, but he also goes uh- went to therapy here, so we bumped into each other one time,” you nodded, looking over at dr. Russo who was jotting down some things.

“So, he understands what you’re going through then?” she questioned, “as he is also a client here, I suspect he isn’t one to judge?”

You quickly nodded, “no, yeah. He’s been really supportive it’s crazy.”

“Uh, I told him about Nadir,” you added after a silent moment, “and he pushed me to contact him.”

“Did you?”

You rolled your lips and scrunched your nose, “yeah.”

Dr. Russo stayed quiet, giving you time to mull over the words as she looked at your body language. The fact that you were sitting on the edge of your seat instead of leaned back into the couch showed a lot of improvement to her.

“He was really glad to finally hear from me,” your eyelash fluttering when you tried to keep the emotions in, “his kids-”

“His kids said they missed us, missed me,” you choked out, everything still feeling unreal.

“Did you talk about the roadside bomb?” dr. Russo pulled you out of the story for a moment, before you went off the rails.

Your right hand was gripping your thigh with a lot of pressure, trying to find another outlet without all emotions expressed on your face.

“yeah. He got a prosthetic leg and he’s even able to play football with his kids and they fled the conflict and are living a pretty good life, that’s what he said at least.”

Dr. Russo smiled at you as she shifted her gaze from your eyes to where your hand was turning pale from the pressure, “did you ask about whose fault it was?”

You harshly swallowed as you nodded, “he doesn’t blame me, or our team for that matter.”

“How does that make you feel?”

You let out a shaky laugh, releasing the tight grip on your thigh, “less guilty.”

“Almost relieved in a way, that they don’t blame me, or the team or the mission itself. They still believe we helped the community in a way, even if our being there and the-, the bo-bomb created another conflict.”

“Can you accept now that this is not your fault, not in any way?” dr. Russo asked.

Nadir confirming what Bucky had said did make the incident feel more like just what it was. An accident.

“Not fully,” you admitted, “but it is slowly starting to dawn upon me that there were other factors at play here and that I was just a cog in the machine.”

“You did really well, I’m proud of the progress you’re making,” dr. Russo clicked her pen.

“This friend is a good one, keep him close,” she added, a smile stretching over her face.

She closed her notebook, “now, I want to do an exercise for the rest of our time together.”

Week 15

“You ready?” You whispered as you stood in front of Yori’s door. Bucky looked a bit sick, if you were honest. His face had paled considerably and you honestly weren’t sure what to do if a super-soldier fainted. Could they faint?

“No,” he said after a beat, but he knocked on the door anyway.

If you told him you weren’t stressed, you’d be lying. Yori was a sweet old man, but what Bucky was going to tell him now, you had no idea how he would react. Bucky had been lying to the man for weeks, and not just a little white lie, no — the truth about what happened to his son.

The old man opened the door just a bit to get a look at his visitors, “hey, what are you doing here?”

He immediately opened the door further, revealing the ever candle-lit shrine and you heard Bucky taking a deep breath.

He let you enter first, and you gave Yori a tight lipped smile as you passed him.

The shrine to his son had multiple candles burning, and your gaze was stuck on the picture. You had been in Yori’s apartment before, but you didn’t know yet how his son had been killed. It felt wrong, almost as if you were a bystander in something you weren’t even part of.

“I have to tell you something,” Bucky’s voice was low and gentle, but you knew the words were getting stuck in his throat.

“About your son,” he added and Yori’s face immediately constricted into a frown.

Yori nodded a few times and held out his arm, gesturing that everyone should sit down. Yori probably heard the tone of voice Bucky used and knew whatever he was going to say, wasn’t going to be a simple thing.

You settled on a chair next to Bucky, mostly so you could gauge Yori’s reaction when he finally told him what happened to his son.

Bucky pulled off his gloves for the first time in Yori’s presence, revealing the vibranium hand that had been hidden for so long and took a deep breath in, the lines on his forehead creasing.

“He was murdered,” he simply said, choosing not to beat around the bush as to what faith his son had met all these years ago.

The look on Yori’s face broke your heart. You had come to appreciate the old man and his weird ways when you were out and about. He didn’t deserve this. His son didn’t deserve this. But there were some wicked people in the world who thought brainwashing soldiers into ruthless killing machines was okay. Neither the brainwashed people nor the victims ever deserved this fate.

“What?” He finally choked out.

“By the winter soldier,” Bucky’s voice was starting to lose the little ounce of confidence he had left in him, his throat constricting.

“And that was me.” His voice was shaking as he tried to blink away the tears that were forming in his eyes.

“I didn’t have a choice.”

Bucky looked down at his feet, the sight of Yori’s face to much to bear.

The tension in the room was palpable and you honestly had no idea what was about to happen next. Yori looked confused and sad, mixed with a hint of anger in the way he was staring at Bucky’s form.

“What do you mean, you didn’t have a choice?” were the first words he uttered after processing all the information.

He wasn’t looking at Bucky anymore, his gaze shifted to the picture of his son on the small shrine, the incense leaving a smoke trail around it.

Bucky expected Yori to throw him out of his apartment — he would’ve let him do it too.

He swallowed harshly, “I was experimented on, trying to recreate the su-super soldier serum, uh, then they brainwashed me — repeatedly, and put me on ice when they didn’t need me.”

Bucky’s jaw was set in a hard line as he tried . You on the other hand tried your best not to let a tear slip out as you watched the man next to you talk about the horrible things he endured.

“I’m so sorry,” Bucky finally choked out, his voice raspy and filled with regret as he looked at Yori, broken and alone.

Yori bit on the inside of his cheek before he shot up and looked at you, “I’d like it if you left — both of you.”

You didn’t miss the exasperated look on Bucky’s face as he realized Yori refused to even look at him.

You stood up and put a hand on Bucky’s shoulder, signaling it was time to go. Bucky rubbed his face with his hand and then stood up as well.

Yori had already opened the front door, looking at the floor as you both shuffled towards the exit.

Bucky was first through the door this time, slowing when he passed Yori, but when he realized Yori wouldn’t acknowledge him, he quickly left. He already went to the elevator, not waiting for you as you stood in front of Yori.

“I’m so sorry, Yori,” you whispered as you touched the side of his arm.

A tear slipped down Yori’s face as he finally looked up at you. His eyes were vacant and his lips were turned into a deep frown as he nodded.

“If you ever want to talk — my door is always open.”

You stepped out of the door fully now and Yori didn’t say anything before the door closed, but you knew he’d accept your offer. Even if it was next week, next month or next year.

Bucky was waiting outside the apartment building, a grim look on his face as he watched the traffic go by.

“Just give him some time, Bucky,” you told him. The fact that Bucky owned up to apologizing meant a lot, but that didn’t mean everyone would or could just forgive him that easily.

“All the people he killed, I have to apologize for,” he grit his teeth, an angry scowl on his face.

“But no one — no one ever apologized to me for making me this way.”

“I still see their faces in front of me, you know,” he added when you didn’t respond.

All the emotions that were coursing through his veins now were fueled by anger, injustice and sadness. Sadness that he had to become this person, this person who will never feel satisfied with his life because of all the trauma’s he inflicted on people.

You grabbed his vibranium hand, the hand that would always remind him of the horrors he committed, and laced your fingers through his. The metal felt cold to your warm hands, as if portraying how he was feeling at that moment.

He didn’t even react to the gesture, only glanced your way when you lightly tugged on his hand.

“It’s not my place to apologize,” you tried, “and I don’t think anyone will ever apologize, which I’m sorry for.

“But the fact that you — you,” you pressed a finger against his chest, “wanted to apologize for stuff you never wanted to do, makes you the strongest and bravest person there is.”

You licked your lips, gaze shifting between his eyes as he chewed on his bottom lip, insecurity preventing him from accepting your compliment.

“I just have nothing left in me to give to the world, to anyone — to you,” he shakily breathed out as he squeezed your hand, “I don’t know why-, why you are being this kind to me.”

“I don’t think the world or me want anything from you,” you brought your intwined hands up to your chest, holding it closely to your heart.

“You are enough, Bucky, and I don’t know how I can get you to accept that,” you bent your head down and pressed a soft kiss against the back of his vibranium hand.

“I hope one day you’ll see what an impeccable person you are, someone who cares until it hurts too much and even then pressing on,” you wanted to let go of his hand, but his grip wouldn’t let you go.

“Uh, I-I honestly don’t know what to say,” his brow furrowed and a sad smile present on his face, “this is-, it’s the most honest thing someone has said to me for a while.”

“Thank you,” he added, his red eyes portraying just how much his emotions had shifted during the last 10 minutes.

“So, what do you say we get something to eat, huh? I think we could both use some food,” you changed the topic to a lighter one. The day had been very emotional already and you wanted to give him some time to process everything.

“Uh, I need to make a quick stop somewhere,” he pulled on your hand as he started walking towards the city centre, “then I’ll be free.”

* * *

After visiting Yori, Bucky had asked you to do one final thing. A final thing that would give him a clean slate, as he worded it.

When you ended up at the therapy center, you tried your best to hide the surprise on your face. You had waited outside as he went in. It had taken him longer than you expected, but you noticed the city sounds didn’t bother you as much anymore. Just waiting for Bucky was enough to distract you from the city that was alive and buzzing all around you.

After a while, he came back out, a few ripped off pages clutched between his fingers.

“Thanks- for today. For-for coming with me,” he said as you stood in front of the building you frequented every Wednesday.

“Yeah, I’m here for you, Bucky,” you nodded towards the pages, “what are those?”

He quickly put them away in his pocket, crumpling the neat pages without much care it seemed like, “uh-, just something I wanted to keep.”

You decided not to pry, instead asking him about dr. Raynor, “so, ‘m sure the goodbye was hard?”

He fell into step next to you, an unspoken agreement you’d visit the book store cafe again, seeking refuge from the busy city.

“Uh, well, actually she wasn’t there,” rubbing the scruff on his chin, he looked suspicious and he knew.

“What do you mean she wasn’t there? I thought you’d let her know beforehand you’d drop by?”

“Well, you know, she’s… a busy woman,” he puckered his lips, acting as if he had at least tried to get ahold of her.

“Bucky,” you whined, dragging out the last syllable, “you didn’t even try!”

“I left her a card, sweetheart, should be enough,” he put his arm around your shoulder and squeezed you against him.

“Now, I think it’s time for food, don’t ya think?”

Week 19

“And you’re sure you could bring a plus one?” The words rushed out as you followed Bucky closely on the docks to where his partner- scratch that, Captain America, was sitting.

“Don’t worry about it,” he weaved through the children, pretending to be hit a few times when a kid fake-punched him, “they welcomed me with open arms, so why wouldn’t they do the same for you?”

His sunglasses slid down on his nose as he gave you a pointed look over the rim, “besides, weren’t you the one who needed more friends?”

You shoved him against his shoulder, but wrapped your arm around his elbow after and muttered some sort of obscenity, which he only he laughed at.

“You’re very cute, you know that?”

You hid your face against his bicep as he chuckled again, the smile just never leaving his face today.

“Happiness looks really good on you Bucky,” you smiled up at him, tapping your fingers on his bicep.

“It looks even better on you,” he put down the cake on a table and turned to face you, “I mean, the scowl you had on your face when we met was terrifying!”

“Hey, I was having a bad moment. This scowl can come right back, hmm,” you pointed towards your face, trying to look angry.

“It doesn’t work, sorry doll,” he tapped on the bottom of your chin, lifting your head, “even you trying to look pissed is cute.”

A deep sigh left you, but you did feel yourself growing hot at his endless stream of compliments. After visiting Yori, you and Bucky had started spending even more time together, growing closer and closer by the minute.

“C’mon, Sam’s waiting,” he put his hands on your shoulders and steered you towards where Sam was sitting.

“This is like the first time I’m meeting an Avenger, this is so exciting,” you squealed and he let out a deep groan, pressing his thumbs a little harder on your shoulder blades.

“You’re going to give him an even bigger god-complex than he already has!”

“You’re just saying that because you’re not an Avenger,” you turned your head a bit backwards, checking his reaction.

“Psh, quiet you,” he shushed you as you finally arrived at the table where Sam and co were sitting.

“Ah, there they are!” Sam exclaimed and stood up to give Bucky a hug. They clapped each other on the back and said something to each other.

You were patiently waiting next to them, a little bit stressed at the prospect of meeting Sam.

“And you must be the infamous y/n, Bucky has said a lot about you,” Sam said when he let go of Bucky.

Bucky rolled his eyes, but you couldn’t miss the blush that was creeping up his neck as he looked away.

“Mr. Wilson, it’s a pleasure to meet you,” you held out your hand as you were starstruck by the idea that Sam already knew about you.

“No, no. None of that here,” he pulled you into a tight hug, “and Sam please. Mr. Wilson makes me feel old.”

You let go, a little bit dazed that fucking Captain America hugged you. When Bucky stood next to you again, you gripped his lower arm and looked up at him, eyes big and a coy smile on your face.

“Stop fangirling,” he whispered, trying to not laugh at the expression on your face.

“Never,” you whispered right back, moving your face a bit closer to his before rapidly pulling away.

“Could I have a picture with you, Sam? I’m kind of a big fan.”

“You hear that Buck, your girl wants a picture with me, not you, me!” Sam exclaimed and pulled you under his arm.

Those words gave you a warm feeling, right inside the centre of your chest as you shot Bucky an awkward laugh. How was it even possible to feel this way about someone, even when nothing tangible was going on between the two of you?

“Smile!” Bucky called out, holding up his phone as you and Sam both put on your best smile.

“Thank you so much,” you gushed, still so in awe that you were standing next to a literal superhero.

“Don’t you want a picture with me then?” Bucky asked.

“We already have pictures together, silly,” you said as you took his phone to look at the picture.

“Ooh, these are so good Buck, thanks!” you forwarded the pictures to yourself. These were definitely going onto your fridge.

“But we only have selfies!” He pouted, “‘m sure Sam doesn’t mind snapping a few of us, right?”

Sam held out his hand to grab the phone, “let’s go, the sun is just setting.”

Bucky stretched out his arm around your shoulders as you wrapped on of yours around his waist. He looked down at you, securely squeezed against his side, and the pure happiness that was radiating off of you.

Sam started snapping pictures, just taking as many as he could.

Afterward a few hours, you were sitting next to Bucky at the picnic table eating dinner, “hey, let me look at the pictures, haven’t seen them yet.”

Bucky pulled out his phone again and slid it over to you, leaning a bit closer to you so he could see them too.

“Ooh, this is a cute one,” you softly said, looking at the picture where Bucky was looking at you with a soft smile on his face and you were laughing out loud at a stupid thing Sam said.

“Yeah,” he chuckled, resting his chin on your shoulder as you kept scrolling.

“Jesus, he took like 50 pictures of us.”

“At least we have some decent ones now,” he breathed out, hot air fanning into your face as you felt your insides make twenty flips.

You turned your face a little, noses almost touching as you looked at him out of the corners of your eyes. Whatever was going on between the two of you, it made you feel like you were on top of the world, able to conquer everything, as long as he was by your side.

“Yeah,” you softly smiled, feeling the last remains of the black hole disappear into nothing.

* * *

“Thanks for bringing me to see your friends,” you said as you fell down next to him on the couch that would be your makeshift bed for the night, “or should I say family?”

“They kinda are my family, aren’t they?” He snickered as he threw his arm over your shoulders and pulled you closer.

Tiredness had started to set in into both your bodies after a few hours of mingling, eating and dancing on the docks.

So many people had welcomed you with open arms, making the night so much better than you ever expected. They didn’t ask about anyone’s past, only what the plans for the future were. It felt like a second chance - a second try to feel alive again.

You nuzzled yourself further under his arm and grabbed the hand that was hanging over you to interlace your digits with his.

“Thanks for coming with me, it- it means a lot,” he whispered after pressing a kiss against your head.

“It’s good to see you happy,” you hummed, looking up at him now. He was already looking at you, a soft look in his eyes portraying just how much it did mean to him.

Your noses were almost touching for the second time this day, but now that you were alone in the dark living room it felt a hundred times more intimate and real.

The hand that was holding his over your shoulder, let loose and he whined at the loss of contact. It came up to cup his cheek instead, your thumb rubbing the slight scruff on his face as he shakily breathed in.

He finally nudged his nose against yours, his eyes falling closed as you enjoyed the feeling of the closeness, the warmth of his breath fanning over your face.

“I- can I-“ he trailed off, just a whisper that only you could hear.

You moved slightly forward, immediately answering his question as your lips finally pressed together.

It felt like a breath of fresh air, after being stuck in a stuffy room for way too long. It felt like coming home, his lips soft and warm and pressed against yours in a way you had never been kissed before.

It felt like nothing bad ever happened to you, like you were standing on the edge of a cliff, ready to fall off, knowing he would be at the bottom waiting for you to fall right into his arms, right into him.

When you finally pulled back, both your hands were cradling his face, the moonlight illuminating his perfect face.

He pressed a kiss against your palm, before pulling you closer in his embrace, tugging you into him safely.

“I really, really like you,” you whispered, and you pressed a lingering kiss against the side of his neck inhaling his scent and closing your eyes.

“I really, really like you too,” he whispered right back, tugging a blanket over the both of you, settling down for the night, limbs entangled and heartstrings connecting both of your hearts to each other.

Week 34

“What the hell is this,” you whispered to yourself as you held the piece of clothing in front of you. You were redoing your bedroom, the room hadn’t changed since you moved in four years ago and it was overdue. A new bed frame was supposed to arrive tomorrow and you still had to clean out your room, pulling stuff from under the bed even.

This particular piece of clothing was a dark pair of pants, definitely Bucky’s. There were some papers sticking out of the back pockets, his signature scribblings standing out.

“Bucky?” You called out to your boyfriend in the living room. He was reading one of your books on the couch, patiently waiting until he could help disassemble your old bed frame.

“Can you come? I think this is yours?”

You heard him pad over to the bedroom, the fluffy socks on his feet showing a whole other side to the man he usually presented to the world.

“What’s mine?” his gravely voice reached your ears as he stood over you.

You handed him the notes and he immediately chuckled.

“Have you read them?” he said as he sat down next to where you were sitting on the floor, crossing his long legs and scanning through the pages.

You shook your head, “no, but they’re yours, right?”

He hummed a response as he read the words on the pages, written so many weeks ago, when so much was still different.

“Read it,” he handed the papers back, a lopsided grin on his face as he awaited your reaction.

“What is this about, now?” You murmured, not expecting an answer as you scanned the scrawly penmanship, a few words less readable where the paper was very creased.

The words came straight from his heart, poems written about you and what you had said to him. Small little doodles too, a cookie from when you had gone to the coffee shop, or a small drawing of your face, illuminated by the moon.

You looked up at him as he bit on his lower lip, crows feet next to his eyes as he glowed.

“You- you did all of this? Before we- we were even dating?” You stammered, as you put down the papers on the bed, the content in them too precious to leave on the floor.

He slowly nodded, pressing his lips together in a smile, “I-uh, I started getting these feelings for you, pretty early on actually and… I just didn’t know how to deal with them, so- so this was my way to get them out, to- to make them more tangible.

“And, I want you to know, just how much you mean to me. And how much you caring for me, changed me. For the better.”

He hesitated for a second, his eyes narrowing as he thought about what to say next, “uh, you said this thing, pretty early on - it, it was something about your heart being a black hole?”

You didn’t respond, only tilted your head as you wondered where he was going with this.

“I had a similar issue, but ever since I met you - this heavy feeling, it felt- it felt so much lighter instantly-“

You flung yourself around him, your arms around his neck as Bucky fell backwards onto the soft carpet, you on top of him.

You pressed a lingering kiss to his lips, trying to ignore the salty taste of the tears that were streaming down your face.

“Bucky,” you sniffled, pressing a string of kisses on his cheeks, jaw, forehead and nose, “you are, the most- the most precious person I have ever met.”

He wrapped his arms around your waist as you laid on the ground, the mess all around you the opposite of how you felt and the current situation you were in.

“I love you so much, “you croaked out, the tears lodged in your throat but the adoring gaze told a whole other story.

You nuzzled your face into the crook of his neck as he rubbed his hands over your back, “I love you.”

* * *

The pages from his notebook were the centre of the universe for you. Whenever you had a bad day, you went over to your desk and looked at the wall, where said pages were neatly hung in frames and helped you calm down. You could recite the word by heart by now, knew every curl of his handwriting and where every splotch of ink was.

And whenever you had a bad day, Bucky was right there next to you, arms wide open and the soft look of his eyes only reserved for you.

He was your soulmate and you were his. The black holes that used to be your hearts, were replaced by one big supernova, strings of colours intertwined with one another, endless, beautiful and forever.

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duckymcdoorknob · 3 years

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duckY I WANNA REQUEST BUT IM NOT CREATIVE!!! So like. Uh. You can use the example prompt from the event post 🤠. The one about hemophobic Kageyama. HAPPY 300 GOOD JOB!! -Anon Palm

HI PALM THANKS FOR DA REQUEST THIS WORKS FOR ME!!

THANKS FOR BEING PART OF THE SQUAD

ENJOY!!

Hemophobic

Ships: Tobio Kageyama x Shoyo Hinata

Warnings: TW!! blood, Panic attack, Kageyama actually cries.

Prompt: When Kageyama gets cut at the Tokyo training camp, the last thing Hinata expected to see was his partner crying hysterically

Tags: General list! @lisiwalker, @rebloging-everything, @fushigum, @koushismatchalatte, @littlebbyleesfw

“C’mon Kageyama!” Hinata cooed as he led his friend up the hill outside of the gym.

“Hold on, Boke! Gimme a minute!” The jet black haired boy replied in annoyance.

“Hurryyyyyy! We gotta talk strategy!” Hinata chomped into his watermelon slice with a sweet grin on his face.

Kageyama couldn’t help but to grin himself at the sight of how cute- his friend!! Yes!! His best friend Hinata looked so silly eating that watermelon! regardless, a grin was seated on his face as he climbed up the hill.

“Wahoo!” Hinata chimed upon seeing Kageyama reach the top. He grabbed the setter’s wrist and led him to where he was seated in the shade.

“Okay so...”

The two boys talked about how they were going to complete the game, which attacks to use, etc.

“Alright let’s head back in to see Daichi! We can talk to him and Suga-san about what we planned.” Hinata flashed his partner a closed eyed smile and kneeled down to put the notebooks and pencils back in his backpack, “Go on without me, I’ll pick all this up.”

“Sure.” Kageyama replied, turning to begin his careful walk down the hill. Carefully, he thought as he trudged down the grassy incline.

His exorbitantly cautious stepping was still not enough, he managed to lose his footing and topple downward, only being stopped by his bare knees, and bare hands, meeting the rough blacktop.

“Ngh-“ he winced as the pain suddenly washed over him like a wave. He stayed in his laying position for a few seconds before the realization kicked in.

He had just scraped his knees. Pretty badly too. Maybe his hands as well.

“Kageyama! I’m coming down!” Hinata’s cheery voice echoed.

“Shit!” Kageyama whispered and somehow yelled at the same time. He pushed up on his sore hands and looked completely forward as he attempted to stand. He couldn’t make it alone though, the pain was just too much for him.

His curiosity was his own dismay as he begrudgingly looked down at his hands.

They were bleeding.

The hands he uses to win so many games are painted with splotches of bright red blood.

Blood.

The sight absolutely disgusted the setter, and also freaked him the hell out.

“W-wait! Hinata Don’t c-come down yet!” Kageyama begged in a strained voice.

“Wha-? Kageyama are you okay?” Hinata’s bright orange hair was visible from the top of the hill.

“F-fine! Just stay where y-you are! There’s fire ants!” Kageyama shouted in return as he looked at his hands once again.

The bleeding had worsened as the pink scrape had become more pronounced.

“Oh okay! Tell me when it’s safe!”

The setter choked on his breath as he turned his head to the side. Not here, not now. He sighed harshly and forced himself into a seated position, unfortunately catching a glimpse of his knees in the process.

Boy did they look scary. They were completely covered in deep cuts and bleeding profusely.

Poor Kageyama couldn’t handle the sight.

The jet black haired boy’s chest began to heave, signifying his labored breathing. The boy’s tongue felt like an anchor in his mouth, where it sat uncomfortably. Sobs slowly bubbled up in his chest until they finally released. The setter screamed in agony as the sight was branded into his head.

“Kageyama?!” Hinata cried worriedly as he scrambled to the incline in the hill. That’s when his eyes met his partner’s.

They were widened and had tears leaking out of them.

Kageyama looked terrified.

“Wh-what?! What happened?” The spiker ran down the hill and squatted at Kageyama’s side.

His friend, however, couldn’t answer. His boisterous cries were unending. His breaths were more like raspy squeaks as his chest continued to contract more and more. He was dying, and he hated that Hinata had to witness it.

“Kageyama, talk to me!” Hinata cried as he went to place his hand on his partner’s knee.

“DONT TOUCH!”

The orange haired boy retracted his hand immediately, noticing the open cuts on Kageyama’s knees that were seeping blood. He immediately turned to comfort his panicking friend, smiling patiently.

“Oh, It’s okay! It’s nothing to be scared of! It’s just a little cut, you’ll be able to play ag-“

“There’s- it’s- i- the- there’s-“ Kageyama sputtered over his words as he squeezed his eyes shut at the upcoming word that must leave his lips, “knees- hands- they- I’m- it’s-“

“What’s up? What are they doing?” Hinata asked gently, brushing a stray hair out of his partner’s face.

“Blood! Bleeding!” The setter finally choked out.

“Y-you...” Hinata cocked his head like a confused puppy, “You can’t handle blood?”

That’s when the spiker came to the realization.

“You can’t handle blood...”

Hinata sat behind Kageyama and wrapped his body around his partner’s much larger figure. He buried his face into the crook of his neck and began to breathe gently in and out, just loud enough for his friend to hear. “In and out. Focus on me, just on me. It’s just you and me right now.”

Kageyama nodded gently, loosening his closed eyes. He shakily tried to match with Hinata’s breathing pattern, slowly calming down after about five minutes.

“I’m really sorry.” A weak voice muttered in shame.

“Kageyama” Hinata said gently, “You have nothing to be sorry about.”

“I just-“

“Nope. Nothing matters right now. Like I said, it’s just me and you. We can worry about everything else later.”

Kageyama had never felt so cared for... so appreciated... so loved. Tears leaked from his eyes once more, as he silently thanked the gods that Hinata was there to comfort him.

“Hey you’re okay, no need to cry anymore. When you’re all done, I’ll text Suga-San to come with some baby wipes, to get you patched up okay?”

The setter nodded, “Thank you... for everything.”

“Of course. My mom always told me to take care of my loved ones, so I couldn’t just walk away.” The smaller boy replied sheepishly.

“Is this your way of telling me you love me?” Kageyama asked stoically, however his insides were about to explode.

“Heh. Yeah.”

“Good. I didn’t need another thing to worry about today.” The setter replied with a small puff of air.

“Ah, you never fail to humor me, Kageyama.”

——————✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞——————

#haikyuu #haikyuu!!#haikyu #haikyuu Kageyama #haikyuu hinata #Shoyo hinata #hinata Shoyo #kagehina #hinata x Kageyama #kageyama x hinata #kagehina angst #kagehina fluff #haikyuu angst #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu comfort #hemophobia #tw hemophobia #tw blood

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dr3amofagame · 3 years

Text

more of the mutually assured destruction duo, post-prison this time! this one was really fun, thinking about what this dynamic might be like in the future gives me SO much brainrot, im so excited. this one’s also a little dark, so make sure to read the warnings + tags !! :D

tw: implied prison abuse, starvation, toxic relationship, touch starvation, manipulation, panic attack, trauma, blood, injury

Dream hasn't been the same since he escaped prison.

And it's ironic, because Wilbur hasn't even been around, has been in hell for fuck's sake playing Competitive Solitaire for nine-odd years, but even he could've seen the self-destruction hanging like a cloud around the other's head from a million miles (and several months? years?) away. Perhaps, he thinks wryly, you can only see the signs when you've lived them, or maybe red flags don't raise alarm when you’ve painted the entire figure in blood, but it doesn't really matter, in the end, because the final result is the same.

Still, it's just a little funny when he's stopped in the middle of his journey through the Nether, not a piece of armor on him per usual and an unused netherite sword slung over his hip.

"Hello, Sapnap." The kid is standing in front of him, eyes gleaming in badly-hidden anger and desperation, smoke rising from the mottled red-black skin on his hands. "Fancy seeing you around."

"You-" Sapnap sputters, unable to speak as his face flushes red in frustration, and Wilbur smiles at him condescendingly. The expression on the other's face is one he's seen before - one Tommy had been particularly inclined to give him in the past, when his emotions raged so heavily that there was nothing for the pressure to do but build, too thick and heavy to force themselves out of his throat. "You're monsters," Sapnap manages, finally, and Wilbur quirks an eyebrow.

At least we're self-aware, he thinks, the all-too-familiar twinge of irritation at Tommy's - and apparently, Sapnap's particular brand of reckless naivety pulsing at the base of his skull. He lets none of these thoughts show on his face as he cocks his head to the side, smiles wider - and Sapnap, just like Tommy, takes the bait.

'Why are you smiling?" He looks achingly young - they all do, really, their expressions and reactions dripping with a sort of innocence and sincerity that dissolved from Wilbur's own face somewhere around the fifteen-hundreth game of poker, and it really does feel ironic, how quickly the outside world can fall apart compared to the unending constancy of the void - but he digresses.

He didn't know Sapnap well before his whole death thing, and as much as he wants to use his partner to get information on the other members of the server, he doesn't really think Dream is really even lucid enough for that - the man clearly hasn't been thinking clearly, not for a long time. It doesn't matter, though, because you learn to read people when your life becomes nothing but running the same broken-edged memories over and over again in your mind and smiling jaggedly over the same few card games - Wilbur had always been a people watcher, and Sapnap's feelings are stamped on every corner of his face.

"Monster, huh," he says, saying the word slowly, rolling it over his tongue like he's tasting it for the first time, watching from the corner of his eye as Sapnap squirms, "Interesting word you've got here. You use it often?"

Sapnap bristles, smoke curling from his nostrils - "It's what you are, dickhead."

Rolling his eyes internally, Wilbur keeps up the act, humming as he fiddles idly with his cufflink. "I mean, if you really believe that," he rocks forward on his right foot, stifling a smile at the way the younger draws back, "But really, it's all a matter of perspective." He twists himself around, pivoting around his heel, beginning to walk in an arc around Sapnap's left side, watching as he spins around, shoulders drawn up to his ears. "What do you think?"

"I think that you're full of shit," he says, voice flat, and Wilbur laughs. It's genuine, really, because well - Sapnap's different. He's fun; the entire server is, after so long in the void. You can only spend so much time with the same two people before they drive you a little up the metaphorical wall, but Sapnap's reactions are fresh and new and different, still saturated with vitality that hasn’t been leached out by the same deck of cards in the same scarred hands shuffled and reshuffled for eternity. He's interesting, and new, and most of all, predictable.

"Say, Sapnap," he continues, blowing over the other's anger, knowing that it'll only make the frustration build more. He lets his hair flop lazily over one eye, lets his smile grow wider, lips pressed together in amusement, turns his face so that it's lit eerily by the lava lake beneath them. "If we're monsters for, I don't know, setting off a few stacks of TNT," he waves his hand flippantly, watching the muscle of the other's jaw jump in poorly-hidden rage, "What does that make you for what you did to Dream?"

Sapnap's eyes go wide, and Wilbur knows he's struck the jackpot. He lets his lips part to reveal bared teeth, jagged and glinting in the light. "I'm sorry, did that hit a nerve?"

The kid's mouth opens- closes- emotions warring on his face, fists curling and uncurling at his sides, lip trembling. "We- we had to-" his hands come to his face, palms digging into his eyes, and while he's not looking, Wilbur draws his expression back a bit, becoming softer, more welcoming. When Sapnap looks back up, his eyes are shining, hands shaking still; he steps forward, then rocks back on his back foot like he doesn't know where to go. "What do you mean?" he throws the words like they're meant to be a threat, but by the end his voice has devolved into something high-pitched and keening, overflowing with desperate grief that Wilbur latches onto like a starving man (ha) with his last meal.

"I'm sorry, it does seem rather insensitive for me to assume," he resumes pacing around the other, voice lilting, soft, "I just mean, it seemed pretty obvious, don't you think? I don't think I've ever seen someone so skinny, really, but I guess that is what happens when you get starved,"

"Shut up-"

"Not to mention the whole panicking thing, I mean, he's like Tommy sometimes with all of the fucking shaky breathing and mumbling around like creepers, not that I'd know what all of that's about," he watches Sapnap through half-hooded eyes, darkly amused, "and pickaxes, oddly enough, but oh well. Who am I to judge?"

"Shut up-"

"And all of the scars - I thought they were from you, honestly, he told me about the whole 'taking his last life' thing, but then he jumped into lava one day - I guess there wasn't much to do in that cell, huh? He didn't even scream, it's really pretty fucking incredible - I thought I'd actually have to break him down a bit, but really, you've made my life so much easier-"

"SHUT UP-"

Wilbur watches with a too-wide grin as Sapnap finally, finally charges, a netherite sword appearing in his hand as he races blindly ahead, tears shining on his cheeks, his words more pain than thought as he brings the blade down-

A blur of purple, the sound of crumbling netherrack and metal meeting metal, flesh hitting flesh - Wilbur moves smoothly out of the way as Sapnap crashes to the ground, an armored figure bearing down an axe against the shield he's raised between them.

Dream, hair tangled and long, wearing armor that is far too heavy for his skinny frame, every inch of him shaking in panic, should hardly be a threat - but this is Sapnap, weakened by Wilbur's sharp words and crippled by the shock of seeing his former best friend's face again, eyes still unfocused from the rage and tears that had clouded over them moments before, so he can do little but raise his shield as the netherite slams into it, again and again. Not a word falls from Dream's lips, but he brings down the weapon at a ruthless pace - ever since he's been free, his attack style has changed greatly from the defensive style he used to favor, even to Wilbur's untrained eye - there's no skill, no art to the way he attacks anymore, just the fearful ferocity of a dog trapped in a cage for far, far too long.

He finally kicks Sapnap down the netherrack cliff that they're on, the other man left to nurse his wounds below them - Wilbur doesn't bother sparing him another thought; Dream's far too weak to cause any permanent damage. Instead, he approaches his partner, weapon, with a smile, watching, satisfied, when he whirls around with a manic expression.

"I'm alright, see?" he croons as Dream's shoulders move up and down with his heaving breaths, eyes fever-bright, teeth bared. He brings a hand down on the other's shoulder and watches as he flinches at the movement, breath hitching, every muscle freezing, knuckles pale on the handle of his axe, before moving again, stumbling forwards, hands reaching for Wilbur's head and stopping halfway. Wilbur tips his head forward, lets the shorter brush his face with trembling fingers, checking his unmarred skin for blood through the purpling bruises already forming on his cheek, and thinks how powerful he is to have a god at his beck and call, a perfect attack dog brought to heel, death itself obediently at his side.

Dream hasn't been the same since he escaped prison, and as Wilbur runs his hand up and down his back, feeling the way his spine arches at the touch, at the fluttering pulse under the skin-and-bone wrist under his fingers, he thinks how fortunate he is to be the first to notice.

#old stuff :]#queue <3 #tw abuse #tw panic attack #tw manipulation #tw toxic relationship #tw blood #tw injury #tw trauma #tw touch starvation #mutually assured destruction duo my beloved #post prison dream brainrot always lmao #my writing :D #my asks !!

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marahuyos · 3 years

Text

Kaeya didn't think that the one time that he and his brother bonded together again was through the form of gliding off of a dragon's back on a deserted island.

Although, he guesses, this island adventure seemed to have some merit.

@gloomyyyboo pushed me this bc i have no self control when it comes to these brothers. yes ik im writing for an event rn but the new island dialogue made me soft

DONT TAG AS KA*LUC!

tw: act 3 spoilers, genshin webtoon spoilers (ig dont quote me im just assuming from the posts ive read)

Kaeya didn't think that this how his pseudo-vacation would turn out.

He could be back in Angel's Share for all he cares, or even Cat's Tail (he's not picky). A drink tastes much better when he has nothing to wake up early to next morning (or something that he's avoiding). Hell, maybe he could go to Liyue with the traveler at some point, wanting to see if their drinks are as any different as Mondstat's alcohol. Or, maybe if he's feeling sober, he can go to one of those operas that he overhears Liyue tourists talk so much about.

Being on a deserted island as a summer getaway wasn't on his list and he's honestly surprised that he didn't think of it.

The salty breeze was something Kaeya is fond of. The lapping of waves against the white sand, the sound of seagulls flapping and cawing at any fish they find, the sun that shined and made the ocean sparkle as if it were a jewel... It was this sight that offered him respite in the foreign land of Mondstat. Had it not been for the Hilichurls, this would have been the perfect island getaway.

Emphasis on would have been.

Letting out a sigh through his nose, he doesn't even need to turn around to feel the burning gaze of his brother. "Any more glaring at you might actually set me on fire."

Kaeya hears his telltale grunt before hearing sand shift behind him. "And I don't suppose that running around the beach as if nothing is going wrong is going to be of any help."

Diluc's dry humor was something Kaeya would love to joke about but not at this moment. It's not often that he finds himself being so close to home and even more so with his other home. He wasn't sure if it was the environment that made his defenses crumble a bit but he was sure that he won't be letting this opportunity go to waste.

"Oh come now, Master Diluc." Kaeya chided, turning around with his arms raised as if he was asking for a hug. "It's not often that we have the opportunity to be in a beautiful island such as this!"

"For me, maybe." Diluc says, before glaring at Kaeya. "But you have it easy."

At that, Kaeya let out a chuckle. "Well, can't get anything past you, huh?"

He then breathed in a bit of that air, the salt making his nerves alight. His toes scrunched themselves on the wet sand and he wondered when was the last time he and Diluc were together on a shoal just like this. He still remembers Crepus taking them to a beach as a vacation but who knows how old they were at that time?

(Kaeya knows. Kaeya knows all too well.)

"... You could at least join me in getting your feet wet." Kaeya mentions to him. "The ocean waters can work wonders."

"If it's not obvious to you." Diluc spat, glare hardening. "We are on a deserted island, Razor jumping ahead of us and Albedo gone who knows where. And you have the time to dip your feet?"

Kaeya scoffed. "They'll be fine. After all, it's just like old times where we used to collect seashells with father."

It was an offhand comment that Kaeya didn't pay mind to. He wasn't even trying to rile Diluc up.

But he sees Diluc stiffen in his spot and he had to pause from walking away. "Master Diluc?"

"You..." Diluc trailed off, putting his arms away from their crossed position. "You remember that time?"

That comment should have set him off. Made him angry. But Kaeya didn't deserve to feel angry after all this time.

He shrugs at him. "Always have."

For a moment, only the sounds of the waves crashing against the sand and seagulls crying were the only things present.

Then the sound of boots being taken off and pants rolling up. Then the sound of another pair of feet going in the shallow waters.

The brothers soon walked side by side, Kaeya closer to the ocean as Diluc was tentative in his steps as if he was experiencing stepping on sand for the first time. In Kaeya's thoughts, maybe it is so. The silence between them made Kaeya both squirm and relax. This... This was far too much agreement that the brothers have. And he wasn't sure if he liked it or not.

"Do you remember when we used to find the prettiest seashells and give them to father?" Kaeya asked him. "I remember you falling flat on your face on the beach when you picked up one."

He was expecting a grunt but not a scoff that Diluc returns. "After that, you got crashed under a wave and started crying because you lost all of your shells."

The thrumming in his heart was too much, the pit of his stomach soon churning. How long has it been since they had a normal conversation? One without spite or tight-lipped jokes that leave one or the other too bitter? Should he even continue this conversation?

He looks at Diluc, he sees the slightly eased smile and the tension on his face seemed to ease.

Kaeya picked up a random conch shell on the sand, it's curved shape slightly slipping in his grip. "Should we do it again?"

And Kaeya never felt his heart go lighter when Diluc picks up another shell, a smile that made him look years younger.

#genshin impact #genshin impact imagines #kaeya alberich #diluc ragnvindr #mara.works #yes hi hello this is me being soft for this ova HAHAHAHA #this event is fan service-y as all hell and im living for it #hopefully nothing bad happens to either brother once 1.7 hits!#haha! ha... ha

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bakusdumptruck · 3 years

Text

Bakusquad Crack Post Pt.2

Hello you beautiful bitches 😌 hope you had a good day today! I was stuck on what I was going to write and decided to make a side story on what happened with the LoV in the first part! So now i’ll give you high bakusquad ft. The LoV🤩

Pairing: Aged up Bakusquad x gn!Y/n x LoV

Warnings: Use of marijuana, swearing, injuries, slight manga spoilers

Summary: Bakusquad gets kidnapped by the Lov, but it turns out better than expected.

✨QUICK RECAP ✨

You and the Bakusquad were v e r y faded chilling on a hill watching the stars

A nomu pops out of no where and you all start attacking, but completely miss

The nomu starts chasing you and ends up knocking everyone out

OKAY NOW LETS GET IT 😈

So... you got kidnapped by the infamous League of Villains

B💥: *waking up* “Fucking shit what hap- oh shit hey crusty 😏 never thought i’d be here again.”

ST(Shiggy)🧴: “Never thought you’d be this easy to catch you little bitch”

B💥: “WHO YOU CALLIN A LITTLE BITCH YOU FLAKEY FU-”

Y/n🥵: *evil/scary ass voice* “Bakugou if you don’t shut the fuck up right now i’ll let his flakey ass disintegrate you. You’re beING TOO FUCKING LOUD 😃🔪”

B💥: “uh... where’d you get that knife from :D”

K💪🏼: “Hey guys, sorry to ruin your moment but shouldn’t we be concerned that we got kidnapped.”

M💅🏽: “I agree... We literally got kidnapped by the people who want to kill us.”

S🕷: “Oh shit, that’s who they are? No wonder they looked so familiar.”

All: 👁👄👁

ST🧴: “Ya’ll are dumber than I expected... anyway we want you guys to join us. You all have powerful quirks, especially you Baku-”

B💥: “YAWWNNNN. No thank you. I already said no.”

ST🧴: “Did you just s a y the word yawn 🙃 *scratching neck* You’re pissing me off. I’ll just kill you then.”

S🕷: “Hold on mr.saltine, before you kill bakubro can we smoke our last joint? This weed was expensive and I AM NOT letting it go to waste. Plus I have even more and it needs to be gone before I die.”

M💅🏽: “Sero please tell me you didn’t bring your stoner pack.”

S🕷: *pulls out his so called “Seros Super Stoner Pack”*

Shiggy’s starting to regret his life choices.

All of a sudden Dabi pops out of no where

DB🔥: “Is that weed? I smell weed. Where is it.”

Sero had the most amazing idea, but not for them to escape no, he has had the most amazing idea to make sure he finishes his weed.

S🕷: “...Wanna smoke with us 👀 I already rolled a joint and I can roll at least 4 more. Don’t wanna let it all go to waste 😃”

DB🔥: “Let them out of the cuffs. I need to smoke.”

At this point Shigaraki is over everything and decides to smoke to distract himself from the stupidity.

So, ya know, Sero does his thing and hands yall the other papers to roll up

*30 minutes and 5 joints later...*

DB🔥: “NO BUT LIKE ENDEAVOR IS A FUCKING B I T C H. HE CAN KISS MY BURNT ASS.”

This smoke session somehow turned into a therapy session.

DB🔥: “I KNOW HE’S MY DAD BUT HOLY SHIT. FUCKER PUSHED ME INTO FAKING MY OWN FUCKING DEATH AND NOW HERE I AM. IM BURNT, MUSTY, AND STUCK WITH THIS CRUSTY ASS BITCH.”

Y/n🥵: *patting his back* “There there, let it out... uhuh just like that”

DB🔥: “I CAN’T EVEN FUCKING CRY. MY TEAR DUCTS ARE BURNT AND I FEEL DUMB AS FUCK CRYING WITH NO TEARS. I LOOK FUCKING CONSTIPATED.”

ST🧴: “Bitch please, you look constipated all the time.”

DB🔥: “Square the fuck up. 😃 Right now.”

D⚡️: “So... we just gon ignore the fact that he’s Endeavors “dead” son?”

Eventually Dabi lets everything off of his chest and goes off pouting in your arms

To lighten up the mood Sero connects his phone to his speaker and picks whatever song came up first

It was WAP by Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion.

Denki was the first one to get up and starts to rap the first verse. He knew it word for word.

Sero joined in after but also started dancing

Mans was MOVING them hips. Them shits were swaying like it was nobody’s business 💅🏽

WAIT SO HEAR ME OUT, I feel like Bakugou would be a completely different person when he’s high

Yeah he’s still angry and shit but he’d be sooooo fucking funny

This bitch would get up all of a sudden and be like

B💥: “YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG FUCKER. THIS IS HOW YOU FUCKING MOVE”

Then he starts aggressively twerking anyway he can 😭

He’s twerking on the wall, on the floor, ON PEOPLE

You all eventually form a circle around him and start hyping him up

LMAOO ITS LIKE THAT DANCE CIRCLE AT SCHOOL DANCES AND EVERYONE HAS THEIR PHONE OUT

Y/n🥵: “BEST FRIEND SHOW EM YOUR MOVES”

K:💪🏼: “GO, OUUU YUH GET IT I GUESS 💅🏽... OKAY IM NEXT BEST FRIEND. GET THE CAMERA 🤩”

KIRI FUCKING PUSHES HIM OUT

K💪🏼: “dougie 🤪 hype me up 😤🥵”

He does it REALLY bad, but that’s not gonna stop the hype

ST🧴: “AHAHAHA WHY HE MOVIN LIKE THAT. MANS STIFF AS FUCK”

M💅🏽: “Like you can do any better than that 😗”

ST🧴: “Baby please, watch this”

Shiggy starts voguing... and he’s really fucking good.

All: “💀”

DB🔥: “HOLY SHIT THIS IS FUCKING GOLD . YO GUYS GET THE FUCK OUT YOUR ROOMS. Hehe he’s gonna regret doing this. ”

The rest of the LoV members come out and are shocked

They don’t know whether to laugh, cry, or be disgusted

TG🔪: “Dabi... is he okay, wait a minute... wHEN DID THEY GET HERE”

SP🐊: “...I’m going back to my room.”

TW👺: “OUU YUH SHIGGY. GET IT BITCH- this is so fucking disgusting.”

Mr.Compress and Kurogiri don’t even bother to see whats happening

Once the most iconic part of the song pops up YOU AND MINA GO OFF.

M💅🏽: “OUT OF THE WAY BITCHES. ITS THE BADDIES TURN.”

Holy fuck can y/n and Mina marry me already. p l e a s e.

Yall hitting every beat, every move, THE ATTITUDE. Yes. A+. 1000/10

Everyone was screaming their asses off and jumping around

After WAP, Dear Maria, Count Me In by All Time Low played

DB🔥: “OHHH SHIT ITS MY TIME WHORES”

Dabi pulls out a guitar and amp out of thin air and plays his fucking heart out.

Bakugou finds drums and plays like theres no tomorrow

Sero finds a bass and joins in

Y/n🥵: “What the fuck 😃 why is this so good 😃”

The rest of you starts head banging and singing along

K💪🏼: “TAKE A BREATH DONT IT SOUND SO EASY, NEVER HAD A DOUBT NOW IM GOING CRAZY WATCHING FROM THE FLOOR”

M💅🏽: “waYMENT- I THOUGHT HE COULDN’T SING. WHERE DID THAT COME FROM 😳”

Denki adds harmony to the next part

K💪🏼D⚡️: “TAKE A BREATH AND LET THE REST COME EASY, NEVER SETTLE DOWN CAUSE THE CASH FLOW LEAVES ME. ALWAYS, WANTING MORE”

Y/n🥵: “DENKI YOU TOO??? I’m going to pass away. This is too muCH. I’M GOING TO SIMP PLEASE.”

Oop, the best part’s coming up... who’s singing next?👀

DB🔥: “IT WAS NEVER A PHASE MOM. ITS A LIFE STYLE- CAUSE I GOT YOUR PICTURE IM COMING WITH YOU DEAR MARIA COUNT ME IN THERES A STORY AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS BOTTLE AND IM THE PEN.”

That shit was chefs fucking kiss. Dabi has the perfect voice for this song.

At this point you, Mina, and Shiggy were on the floor with tears streaming down your faces.

When yall thought it couldn’t get any better, Bakugou and Sero start harmonizing for the last part 💅🏽

B💥S🕷: MAKE IT COUNt WHEN IM THE ONE WHOS SELLING YOU OUT CAUSE IT FEELS LIKE STEALING HEARTS CALLING YOUR NAME FROM THE CROWD”

Dead. You flat lined. Your limit has been passed and now you’re a hard core simp.

Mina was so glad she started recording because there definitely won’t be another opportunity.

Y/n🥵: “Guys... WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT. HOW CAN YOU PULL INSTRUMENTS OUT OF YOUR ASSES AND PLAY PERFECTLY. KIRI WHERE THE HELL DID THE VOICE COME FROM.”

The boys were sweating and out of breath. They just did a whole performance in the hide out with zero practice.

They stared at each other at the end for a little bit and excitedly hyped themselves up.

Dabi spoke about starting a band forgetting about his occupation and why the bakusquad was there in the first place

Honestly this moment was precious. The villains and aspiring hero’s were getting along because of the weed in their system. This just proves how weed can solve all your problems 💅🏽

*knock knock* “Doordash delivery”

ST🧴: “Oh, when did you guys order food?”

S🕷: “We didn’t order food...”

ST🧴: “... FUCKING SHIT NOT AGA-”

The pro hero’s busted in 🤩

DB🔥: “KUROGIRIIII. GET US THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.”

And just like the the LoV escaped

M💅🏽: “Ya kno what, I honestly forgot where we were.”

B💥: “Same.”

K💪🏼: “We were having too much fun...”

D⚡️: “Ughhh why’d they come so early 😫 we were boutta start a band 🥺”

S🕷: “Wait... why were we here again??”

Y/n🥵: “Sero...baby, maybe you should lay off the weed for a bit 💀”

Aizawa walked in and shot his scarf out to all of you. He made sure to make them uncomfortably tight and pulled you guys right to him.

A🐱: 👺👹*gremlin noises*👺👹

Lol you guys are fucked.

HELLOOOOO I hope you guys enjoyed this story of what went on when the squad got kidnapped!! Honestly my account is gonna have ALOT of bakusquad scenarios since I literally love all of them so much. Not a day goes by where I’m not thinking about hanging out with them 😭 Credits to jazzmonster for the gif 😌 once I saw it I knew I had to use it. Anywayy thank you all so much for the support :’-) I didn’t think people would actually like the stuff I write since its all over the place 😫 Hope you have a good rest of your day/night 🖤

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suncaptor · 2 years

Note

no bc imagine the fucking ptsd n trauma the vessels must have. wtf. idk if the show ever touched on that. but as someone who's like, got ptsd holy shit it's hell. n they just discard them like nothing. so fucked up imo

(i haven't rewatched in ages im going off on my terrible memory & ur posts soz if i get smth wrong but fr the vessels shit's always fucked w me :| )

no this is totally in line with the show. how they treat vessels is so messed up. idk if/when you stopped watching but halfway through the show it just gets worse and worse and worse. they really will just kill vessels left and right without finding alternatives too. this is generally the line I draw where they're literally just serial killers, granted they start killing everything way more easily around the same time.

also I might talk about triggering concepts like loss of autonomy, abuse, noncon, and graphic violence below so tw especially if any of those touch on yours and all

as for how much they deal with the trauma of it... sometimes when the main characters do they might talk of it... I mean Dean had Gadreel possess Sam and tricked and gaslighted Sam into being possessed and it definitely damaged Sam, but even then it did NOT actually like deal with Sam's trauma

likewise for other times he was possessed, one of which he was forced to tie Jo up and threaten her as well as murder hunters to get his brother to kill him, and then Lucifer's was super personal and he had revealed and then forced to kill many people he knew growing up who were actually demons from school teachers to his prom date. also no doubt he'd use it to victim blame Sam for stuff he did in the cage, given the end of repo man, but that could be directly coming from Sam reacting in the cage too. in any case, angel possession consent obviously is not real considering it's often under duress, manipulation, and unretracktable.

and I think they talk about it with Michael Dean perhaps. oh also while Sam is possessed by Gadreel they ALSO stick needles in his brain, burn off his tattoo from his skin, and let Crowley possess him! so you know. the heros of the show are doing that to the other main character. think that says a lot. and no of course they don't actually care about Sam's trauma on most of it (granted imo it obviously makes Dean & Cas horribly in the wrong given the graphicness of it) it gets actual space in the show compared to people's bodies just being used by angels and demons while they're stuck and never even knowing anything about them.

in general vessels aren't given ANY second thought though. April Kelly and Rooney feel significant to the plot, and April's killed and Rooney just?? disappears and then Trump's president? he's Jack's biological father and Kelly Kline loves him (granted I get why she'd ALSO have trauma since he is as forced to sleep with her as Lucifer and she only consented thinking it would as him and also she is just fighting for her baby's life then dies. so this isn't calling her out at all but the narrative weight given on that arc). But they don't mention him even though there's tons of arcs around Jack & Lucifer.

They also literally have reverse exorcised to kill a demon, just killing a person who'd be saved otherwise. it is so rare that they even care. I mean, I think in some degree Sam wants to (like how he mentions how upsetting it is Vince Vincente is dead when Lucifer burns through his vessel, but that gets more personal to him as Lucifer probably only possessed Vince because of him AND wouldn't need new vessels if Sam said yes) but since Sam was also in the wrong in s4 when trying to save vessels I think he is just as desensitized (and is the one doing the reverse exorcism mentioned above). Dean also tries to kill Kevin's mother to kill Crowley once. it's just stuff like that constantly. we do see her as a bit traumatised by that's again cause she had more of a tie to a main character.

most of the time it's just. who even is this person. a corpse. traumatised for life. trapped in their own body. the narrative doesn't care.

#tw rape #tw noncon #tw gaslighting #tw abuse #s.a #tw lobotomy #tw gore #just to be safe fkwkckkwjd i worry #vessels #lucifer #Gadreel #possession #incoherents #isa in case this just shows up blacklisted I'll dm you so you can read the first paragraph which is more direct response #spn #supernatural #consent issues

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mcu-fan-fics-blog · 3 years

Text

The Helping Hand

Summary: Y/N Krast Illegitimate Daughter of Tony Stark. Product of an unwanted teen pregnancy. What would Howard Stark be capable of doing to assure his sons future? What will happen when Tony meets our Beautiful, young, genius, rich philanthropist.

Word Count: 3800 approx

A/n: Big steps today... Hope you enjoy. Also wanted to thank you all we've reached 39 followers. It is very much appreciated thank you for reading. Might post again this this week if not then next week.

Tw: Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Drug use, Drug addiction, Teen Pregnancy. (If there are any I missed please tell me.)

Ch.9

Chapter 10: Civil War pt.2

Ch.11

"Why am I really here mom?" You ask still with your eyes closed. "Why don't you tell me… I know you don't want to go back." She says calmly. You can only sigh. "It's all going to hell, the team. I love them all, but they are tearing each other apart." She chuckles. You open your eyes and just look at her. "Well then why are you here with me instead of stopping them from tearing each other apart?" She teases. You change the subject. She lets you though. "My… dad? Did you love him?" You are not sure if you wanted the answer, but you asked anyway.. "Did I love him… tough question monkey." She contemplates for a while. "He was childish, and not in a cute way, at least not looking back… I used to love that about him." She looks back at you, her eyes connecting with yours. "He changed though… when we found out I was pregnant. We were scared and young… but he cared. More than I'd ever seen him care for anything else."

You can't help but tear up at her memories. Then the anger builds in yourself. "Then why didn't he fight for me?" Your sentence dwindles into a whisper. "Who told you he didn't… or that he hasn't?" Her words shut you up right away. She laughs at your confusion. "I'm assuming you're not telling me who he is?" She nods in agreement "It's not my place to tell you." Then again you ask another question. "Did he love me?" She looks down to you and smiles. "Oh… from the moment he first held you. You made the most peculiar sounds… and your tiny hands would grip our fingers" She sighs. "I wish I had more time with you then. I tried really hard… to stay awake." She clears her throat. "But I couldn't fight anymore… But you have to." You sit up looking at her. "I don't want to leave you alone." She shakes her head. "I'm never alone…" now it's your turn to shake your head. "Living your life vicariously through mine does not count." She laughs.

"I met Dave and Vivian" she mentions solemnly. You almost choke on your own breath at their mention. "They're here?" She nods enthusiastically. "They'll hear about this… one day you'll talk to them again." You groan. "Tell Dave… tell him that I'm sorry. Viv tell her that I'm taking care of all her sisters… all 5 of them." You chuckle. "Just tell them that I miss them…" She nods holding your hand. "God… you were supposed to make it easier to leave, not harder."

Tony sits at your bedside. "Why aren't you waking up?" He sighs. They've tried virtually everything and time was running out. "You can't leave me… you can't just waltz back into my life and die on me." He pleads with anyone who would listen. "You need to know that I'm your dad… you need to know that I'm your dad." He speaks into your hand. Your eyes wide open now. Having heard everything you instinctively pull your hand away. Soon you realize you can't breathe comfortably. It was an all around traumatic experience, tears soon started falling. Tony's initial shock prevents him from vocalizing your state. It isn't until Wanda walks in that she calls for a doctor. Tony stands in a corner watching you struggle with the doctors.

Soon the tubes are no longer preventing you from vocalizing your thoughts; you take advantage rather quickly. "Leave" is all you can say with your voice hoarse and devoid of any emotion. The only thing giving you away were the tears. "Y/n you need to hear me out…" you interrupt him. "I don't need to do anything… LEAVE." You grit out wincing in pain as the words leave your throat. Soon your vitals begin to increase at any alarming rate. Doctor's burst in again, ushering Tony out and sedating you. As soon as he walks out he is met by everyone's expectant gaze. "What happened?" Steve is the first one to speak up. "She found out… more like I told her right as she was waking up." Tony rubs his temples.

When you wake up someone is in the room you can tell. It's almost like you can feel them, without even opening your eyes you call out her name. "Nat?" You hear her walk towards you. You clear your throat. "He's- he's…" is all that comes out and she nods but doesn't say anything. That's when it all clicks. She wasn't looking at you… she was quiet, you only needed to look at her posture and you knew. You laugh. "You knew… didn't you?" Her eyes widened in surprise giving her away, except that it wasn't just her. "Oh… god you're all liars. You all played me. Im so stupid." Your laugh continues; it was cynical with tears rolling down your cheeks. "You're all hypocrites… You sit on your pedestal and preach trust and honesty…" You don't finish the sentiment. Sitting up and pulling at all the wires attached to your body. She reaches out for your hands but as soon as her hands land on your, you recoil at her touch. "Stay the hell away from me Natasha!"

You walk out the room leaving her behind using the wall to help you walk. You made it out to the waiting room and it just broke your heart even more. Their eyes on you, the pity radiating off them. Pietro can't even meet your gaze, much less Wanda. Steve took a cautious step forward, and when you didn’t step back he continued. As soon as he reached you he embraced you, everything came crashing down. The truth would have never hurt so much, and you still didn't know the whole story. You take this opportunity and ask Steve to take you to your room. He did as you asked the whole way there was silent until you made it to your room and he closed the door. “Y/n I’m so sorry…” you cut him off. “No you aren't.” you mutter quietly. It takes him by surprise and you take advantage of it. “You need to find him… you need to leave before you don't have the chance to anymore.” He can help but ask why. “Why are you helping me?” You turn to him, your eyes filled with unspoken words. “Because I care for all of you too much to stand by and watch you destroy each other. Leave now!”

“I need to take Wanda and Pietro.” He states and you nod. “I’ll send Clint for them later.” You can't help but to turn in awe of his statement. “Steve you can’t… you can't do that to his family.” You see the guilt in his eyes. “Tony has the government on his side.” Is all he says before he turns and walks toward the door. “Take care Y/n''. Before you know it you’re alone again with nothing, but your thoughts. Soon enough Vision comes phasing through a wall. “I thought you and Wanda talked about this.” You joke wiping your tears away. “Yes, well I thought you might appreciate the company.” He motions to your bed and you nod. He takes the liberty and sits down. “Y/n, I can't lie and tell you that I know what you feel. I comprehend many things, but emotions are the one thing I can't quite figure out.” He states matter of factly. “You played a crucial part in making me whatever it is I am, but what I'm meant to be is what you would say up in the air.” He mentions moving his hands.

“Vision you’re a highly intelligent being with access to all the knowledge you could ever need. I was a kid… a sick kid. His kid.” You state quietly. “I met my mom.” you speak up again. He looks at you trying to decipher what you meant. Your hands motion to your head. “Vision I think that I’m going crazy.” The words barely a whisper as they leave your mouth. “Y/n there are many things that we can't explain… You said this helped you in Vienna. Maybe it’s best not to question it now.” His eyes search for yours, and you nod. “We’ll be a pair of unexplainable beings.” you laugh lightly. Tony not so graciously bursts in as you're about to say something, Vision stands and nods at your direction, you let him go and Tony walks in. “I know that you're angry, and disappointed, and that you probably hate me… but I don't want you to hate me.”

“Yes, well you should’ve thought about that before you casually forgot to mention that You were my father for half a year. And that's assuming you just found out Tony. When did you find out?” He’s quiet at your question, which in turn answers your question. “How long did you know… how long did they all know?” You look at him shift in his place trying to regain himself, so you let him. “Not long after Sokovia… And I-i had my suspicions before that actually.” He states standing straight and looking into your eyes for any sign of emotions. “The team didn't find out until you had your first episode.” You could tell that he didn't want you to hate them too… Little did he know that that wasn't an option because you cared for them too much. “Is Maya Hansen my mother?” You ask taking him by surprise. “I-I um yeah she was your mother.” He says scratching at the back of his neck.

“Right, well I’ll be staying here for the time being. If that's okay with you of course.” Staying gave him hope and you knew that. Now you were lying to him using it as a weakness, all to help Steve. “Yeah, Of Course I can set you up with a more permanent living situation.” He says the excitement dripping in every word. You can only nod. “Hey.” You say as he’s about to walk out. He turns to face you. “She’s okay… and she doesn't hate you.” At first he didn't understand what you meant until he remembered what you said after your first episode. Right as he was about to say something you cut him off. “And for that matter… I don't hate you either.” You state quietly. “I’m hurt… I just need a little time.” He nods the light back in his eyes. “Can you tell the twins that I want to talk to them?” He nods and finally walks out of the room.

Although your words were true you couldn't help but feel guilty. Lying was something that you were not fond of, but neither Steve nor him will take a step back and think about what's best. If someone didn't step in they would kill each other… and whoever it is that comes out on top will never be the same. You couldn't let that happen so if that meant tearing them apart before they got the chance to kill themselves it’s a sacrifice you were willing to make. Then you heard a faint knock on your door and you knew who it was. “Come in it’s open” You say loud enough for them to hear. They walk in and they are a mess just spewing out words out of their mouths… and Pietro seems to be speed apologizing and you can't help but laugh. “We’re not talking about that right now you two… so you can stop doing that.” You say flatly looking at Pietro whose words were now actually comprehensible. “I’m assuming that neither of you have changed your minds on the accords?” You ask, raising your brows. Pietro nods in agreement, but Wanda's silence and lack of reaction are somehow louder.

“Wanda you want to share with the group?” You say confused giving Pietro a look and he just shrugs. “Wanda, you know that we cant sign those papers right.” Pietro asks. She shakes her head . “I’ve hurt people Pietro, maybe this is for the best.” You scoff. “Everyone in this compound has hurt people… Including me.” You turn to Pietro. “She has day two tops before Steve comes for you.” You say emphasizing the ‘you’ at the end. “I just don't want you to feel like you don't have an option, but Wanda you have no Idea what you're signing up for if you sign the accords” She nods. “That's what I wanted to tell you.” You nod and Pietro gives you a small smile. “Why are you doing this Y/n going against your father.” Hearing her say that sparks something within you guilt, anger, sadness. “Because neither of them are going to win, they are too blind to see that we’ve already lost what we value most... Each other.” Both twins are surprised by your honesty. “I’m just trying to preserve what's left.” She nods. “You signed the accords.” She mentions sadly. You nod, taking her hand in yours. “I don't have superhuman abilities, that can be used for bad.” Now you take Pietro's hand as well. “I will do my best to keep you safe. Tony might be my father, but he’s wrong. Take care of each other.”

“This sounds an awful lot like a goodbye.” Pietro quips sadly, you nod. “That's because it might be for a while. We have to keep this charade going till Clint comes for you both. Vision won't let you go without a fight.” You say. “To our luck we have something on your side.” You say smiling pointing at your chest. “I’m going to miss you both.” You smile and pull them both into a hug. They walk out. It's not long after that you hear steps outside your door but they never come in. So you sleep it off. Days passed and you haven't heard from Steve and you were starting to worry.

Then you walk into a busy bustling conference center Tony looks stressed. He looks up at you and he seems to take a breath. “Y/n are you okay?” He asks worriedly. “Some pain here and there, but I don't think it’s anything serious.” You state. “Where are you going and would you mind if I came?” You asked, he sets his phone down and gives you a look. “You um… You would like to come with me?” You take a seat next to him. “They captured Barnes and Rogers… along with his ragtag friend Wilson. We’re going to Berlin. Pack a bag we leave in 30.” You nod. “Where's Pepper I haven't seen her around?” He nods. “Well, um we’re taking a break. I told her I would walk away from all of this, but I can’t. This is me, not to say it's her fault it’s not.” You nod and give his hand an assuring squeeze. “She loves you, just let her know you love her too.” You say as you walk away.

The flight to Germany was rough… not only were you still tired from the surgery, but it was tense. Natasha and Tony were walking on eggshells around each other. And it seems that she is keeping her distance from you. You try to relax and sleep a little but much like your flight to New York nightmares plagued your subconscious. When you wake up you don't miss the looks that Tony and Natasha give each other. Then you remembered your mothers words, you closed your eyes again and tried to relax completely just when you were about to give up and you heard her voice. “This is where you use the gift that I gave you a while ago, look for the perfect opportunity.” Then it happens again "Zhelanie, rzhavyy, Semndtsat', Rassvet, Pech', Devgat', Dobro Serdechny, Vozvrashcheniye na rodinu, Odin', Gruzovoy Vagon." Those words. Followed by “Now is the time.” When you wake up Tony is now sitting next to you holding your hand. He goes to apologize, but you stop him and thank him, giving his hand a gentle squeeze.

After the plane landing Tony explains that he wants to talk to Steve alone you agree and take a step back. You follow Natasha to an empty surveillance room. “I want to apologize for the way I reacted when I found out.” You say when you sit down. “It was not fair for me to take out all of my anger on you.” You continue and you can tell that you fazed her, she was expecting the worst case scenario with you. So it’s not an understatement when she says that she was speechless. “I understand if you don't want to forgive me, or If you need time…” This is the part you weren't expecting. She lunges towards you and kisses you, her lips on yours and you freeze at the feeling. She pulls away hastily turning her back on you. You don't hesitate this time you pull on her arm back to where she was standing... and kiss her back this time your lips moving in perfect synchrony. It would be an understatement if you said that the kiss was quite literally magical.

“I’ve been waiting a long time to do that.” You confess your forehead resting on hers. "And why didn't you?" She asks teasingly. "Well I was kind of waiting for that second date. I kinda have a rule." You say chuckling. In this moment you couldn't have been more happy. And there it is again that voice. "Natasha, Something is very wrong." Quite literally mirroring the incident in Vienna. When suddenly sirens are going off all around you. Your eyes meet Natasha's gaze… afraid of her reaction. "You have to tell me how you do that." She quipped making you laugh. Then you see The world renowned Winter Soldier in attack mode. Nat leaves you in the room going to fight the assassin that is endangering your lives. Almost as if it were instinct you hack into the intercom system and repeat the words that were seared into your memories. "Zhelanie, rzhavyy, Semndtsat', Rassvet, Pech', Devgat', Dobro Serdechny, Vozvrashcheniye na rodinu, Odin', Gruzovoy Vagon." You don't even have time to understand how it came out in perfect tongue. "Soldati."

You watch him loosen his hold on Natasha. The breath you've been holding is finally being let out. You see him mouth the phrase. "Ya gotov otvechat" Suddenly Steve and Sam are there and then the rest is a blur. You feel your eyes roll back and the muffled sounds of steps running frantically. When you wake up her eyes greet you, she was worried you could tell. Your eyes wonder her figure, and then her neck. The marks of his hands taking their toll on her. “Are you okay? What happened back there” She asks. “Sorry…” All you can mumble out your eyes pinned on the marks on her neck. She seemed to notice. She took your face in her hands forcing your eyes to meet hers. “It’s okay I’m okay” Is all she needs to say and you nod, leaning forward, and placing a chaste kiss on her cheek. “I should’ve done something sooner.” Finally taking a look around you don't quite realize where you are. Nat seems to notice. “We’re at the compound… My room.” She mentions shyly. “How long have I been out?” She sighs. “A while, a couple of hours.” You nod apprehensively. “What happened after I blacked out?” You ask trying to remember what occurred in those hours.

“Well after your little speech on the intercom… he shut down. Whispered something along the line of ‘Ready to Comply’ then Steve and Sam took him from there.” You nod in relief visibly relaxing. Nat gives you a look. “I know what you’re thinking and it's not like that.” You state standing up. “My head tells me things… my mom tells me things. And I know that sounds fucking cynical but I'm telling you its true.” Nat tenses again her rigid exterior on again. “You said that last time.” She states bluntly. You nod slightly hurt at the fact that she doesn’t believe you. “Last I recall it also saved you last time.” She sighs but ultimately nods. “What side are you on? Because I’m having trouble believing that you are on my side.” She asks cautiously “That's because I didn't take a side Natasha, you knew how I felt about the accords from the beginning.” She’s quiet and you continue. “I’m trying to keep everyone from drowning” you take a deep breath. “I’m a pacifist Nat, and I don't want to fight with you… or anyone for that matter.”

She nods “Y/n, I have to go, can I trust you to make sure nothing goes wrong here.” You smirk at that. “D’you want me to lie to you?” You can see the amused look in her eyes. “No, we wouldn't want that now would we?” You shake your head in denial. “Well, in that case…” She cuts you off with another kiss. “We’re okay… regardless of what happens outside of that door. We can come back to each other right?” The last part was more a silent plea… to which you happily gave in. “I’ll be waiting for you.” She smiles genuinely and it’s truly a sight to behold, you feel honored to be the reason that she's smiling. “I’ll see you later then.” She states as she walks out of the room and you nod. As Steve had mentioned Clint showed up later that night. You didn’t have much to do with that by the time you’d made it down stairs. They were long gone. You could almost say the same for Vision, there was something about him now. “Are you okay?” Is the first thing that comes out your mouth. “Do you have reasons to suggest otherwise?” You shake your head. “I take it they left.”

When you finally left the compound… It felt great. Stepping away for just a minute was just what you needed. Unfortunately for you It wasn't long till you were dragged back in. It couldn’t have been three hours by when there was a knock at your door. The person standing on the other side did surprise you however. Pepper, it was her but something was different… She seemed sad. “Pepper, It’s nice to see you, what do you need?” You say while opening your door and moving to let her pass. “You need to help them…” It's all she says and you understand. “I’m trying Pepper, but they are too stubborn for their own good.” She nods. “How is he?” You take a deep breath. “He’s going stir crazy, but he's otherwise fine.” You state. “He does miss you.” She shifts her gaze, not completely comfortable. “He’s going to need you… I’ve had to do things that will hurt him. It’s going to hurt more when he finds out his daughter was working against him.” Now this made her look back at you, concern in her eyes. “He-he told you?” You nod and squeeze her hand. “I know where they are at...” It’s all that Pepper blurts out.

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