#this post brought to you by the panic attack i had this morning about everyone i love dying and it being my fault

[obaex]

(not) my girl - rafe cameron

summary: if rafe cameron is so sure he doesn't need to be seen with you at midsummers, you are more than happy to oblige (or) the time you drove rafe insane with jealousy.

word count: 3.4k

a/n: inspired by this post by the sweet @writingsbychlo ♡

You were curled up on Rafe’s lap, head resting on his shoulder with his arms circled around you and his fingers mindlessly tracing patterns on your thigh as he talked with his friends around the firepit in his backyard.

You had been hooking up for a few months and recently you felt like you were right on the cusp of him asking you to make things official, exclusive. You were spending nearly every night together and every time he asked to talk or wanted to hang out you got your hopes up that this would be the time he brought it up, only to be crushed over and over again.

Deep down, you knew how Rafe felt. People who were ‘just hooking up’ didn’t beg you to stay every morning, didn’t make room in their dresser for you, didn’t wake you up with featherlight kisses to your cheeks, your forehead, your nose, face breaking into a ridiculous smile when your eyes fluttered open to find his drinking you in, they didn’t call you during a panic attack after fighting with their dad, pleading to hear your voice as the only thing that would calm them down. No, you were pretty sure you knew exactly how this boy felt, but you wanted him to acknowledge it. You ached to hear him say with pride ‘that’s my girl’, to mark you as his own.

Your eyes flitted across the fire to your best friend Olivia who wiggled her eyebrows at the sight of you and Rafe together, all too aware of the situationship you were in and how badly you wanted him. You blushed and rolled your eyes back at her, just trying to enjoy this small moment where he showed his affection for you in front of other people. She winked at you before interrupting the conversation.

“Sooo, who is everyone taking to Midsummers?”

You shot her a look that screamed what the hell are you doing!? You were still holding out hope that Rafe was going to ask you, even though it was less than a week away. Maybe he had an elaborate, last-minute surprise planned?

“Feel pretty good about my date” Kelce murmured, pressing a kiss to Olivia’s cheek as she giggled. “What about you Top, still intent on macking on Rafe’s sister?” he asked. Topper threw an empty beer can at him as everyone laughed.

“I don’t know why we even bother with dates” Rafe said. “We’re just gonna dick around together all night anyway, there’s no point.” He took a swig of his beer without meeting your gaze. You felt your cheeks warm in embarrassment and a painful ache in your throat as you tried to hold back the tears that threatened to spring forward. You met Olivia’s gaze again and she nodded encouragingly towards Rafe.

“W-what about me, Cameron?” you asked, trying to mask your feelings, to sound chill as you poked him in the side.

He looked at you sweetly, “C’mon and say what when my dad asks about you? ‘Hey dad, here’s the girl I’ve been sneaking through the back door every night and smashing while you and Rose are three doors down? Hard pass.” He laughed, focusing back on his beer and his friends as you felt his hand slide off your leg.

You allowed yourself to be genuinely upset for three days.

You didn’t sleep at Tanneyhill for the first time in months, you didn’t even answer his texts which grew increasingly more insistent the more you ignored them. You stayed home, you cried, and you contemplated what the fuck you were doing with your life. Was that really all you were to him – just someone he was sneaking around with? Did you somehow become that girl, too naïve and too stupid to see that she wasn’t and would never be anything more than a hookup?

You thought about the way Rafe reached for you and held you in his sleep, the way his hands ghosted over your body, the things he’d whisper in your ear, the times you’d ridden shotgun in his truck or he’d taken you to his favorite spot on the beach… Your heart was so sure about him, but your head throbbed with the echo of his words.

You and Olivia talked incessantly about it, dissecting everything he’d said. “Maybe he just needs a little push, a little… motivation?” she suggested, and the more you talked about it, the more you realized she was right.

If Rafe Cameron was so sure he didn’t need to be seen with you at Midsummers, you were more than happy to oblige.

The last of the hot summer sun was settling over the ocean as you climbed the front steps of the Island Club in daring three-inch heels; the added height gave your figure a perfect sway that simply begged people to watch you as you walked by. Your dress had a thigh-high slit, open back, and was the perfect color for your skin tone, illuminating you; the neckline was devilishly tantalizing, giving the desired effect of drawing all eyes to the dazzling diamond pendant that reflected the setting sun.

Rafe heard you before he saw you; rather, he heard a sea of murmurs rippling through the crowd which drew his attention to the doors just as you walked through by yourself, essentially announcing to the island that you were alone for the night.

“Geezus” he heard Topper mutter under his breath as he took you in. Normally, he would have known better and normally Rafe would have put his head through a wall for glaring at you the way he was, but even though his fists clenched in response and he wanted to turn and say something to him, he simply couldn’t take his eyes off of you; “Geezus” didn’t even begin to cover it.

You were always undeniably beautiful to Rafe: when you wore his oversized sweatshirt around the fire pit, when you were makeup-less in your wet bikini at the beach, and especially when you were wearing next to nothing tangled up in his limbs and his soft sheets, but the dress you had on, the way your hair shone in the last rays of the sun, the way you were positively radiating had his pulse throbbing in his neck, his adam’s apple bobbing and his palms sweating. Fuck, I am so happy she’s mine he thought to himself, smiling and moving to walk towards you as your eyes met his across the crowd.

You were glowing at him and sent him a discreet smile as you greeted people and made your way in his direction. He couldn’t wait to get his hands on you, to have you at his side so everyone knew you were his. You approached your friends, dropping a kiss on Topper and Kelce’s cheeks before doing the same to Rafe. You made to move past him quickly, intent on talking to Olivia when he grabbed your hand.

“Hey, hold up you-you look…” he started to say, trying and struggling to find the words to capture the way his heart was pounding in his chest.

Your wide eyes met his expectantly and just when he opened his mouth to speak, they flitted over his shoulder.

“Oh! Sorry, Rafey! Just saw someone I want to catch up with, I’ll see you later” and without another word you walked away, leaving Rafe Cameron, the King of Kildare staring and stuttering after you.

You were walking away from him? he thought. You had seemed so adamant about this whole Midsummers thing, dropping hints about going together and now here he was, practically ready to get down on one knee at the sight of you, and you were walking away from him? He was speechless. He turned to watch you go… right into the arms of another man. He looked to be about your age, the same height and a similar build as Rafe, because of course Rafe was sizing him up, how could he not? This guy had his paws all over his girl. And then, after a moment’s realization, he thought darkly, she’s not your girl…

You had greeted this guy with a huge hug, and he’d nearly lifted you off the ground, now he had your full attention and you were laughing at something he said, the most sweet and perfect sound that Rafe wanted only for himself.

As everyone took their seat for dinner, you intentionally positioned yourself across the table from Rafe. The slight of not sitting next to him where he could run his fingers up your thigh or tangle them in your own left him fidgeting instead, buttoning and unbuttoning his jacket and swirling his drink. What the fuck did I used to do with my hands? he thought angrily.

You paid him no mind, instead, leaning forward on your elbows and toying with the diamond pendant around your neck, fingering it, twirling it and sliding it back and forth on its chain.

“Holy DIAMOND, girl!” Olivia said as she took note of your necklace and leaned over to get a closer look. “Is it new, where is it from?” her eyes shot from you to Rafe and back again.

He glared at you both over the rim of his glass as he took a deep gulp, trying to act unphased but also extremely curious to hear your answer knowing damn well it wasn’t from him.

Your eyes flitted to Rafe briefly before you leaned towards Olivia, lowering your voice, but not so low that he couldn’t hear you. “It was… a gift from… someone special” you said winking conspiratorially at her.

Rafe choked on his drink just as someone was standing up at the front of the crowd to make a speech, shifting everyone’s attention and interrupting the slew of words that nearly poured out of his mouth.

Who the fuck on Kildare fucking Island was buying his girl jewelry? he thought. And then, again, he reminded himself, she’s not your girl… the thought making his whole body tense, rigid and taught in anger and frustration.

For the next 20 minutes, all he could do was stare at you as you twiddled that ridiculous necklace in your fingers, imagining what it would be like to rip it off of you and replace it with something twice as nice. He was mentally calculating how much he would spend and how quickly he could get it when JJ Maybank passed by their table. Rafe had a snarky comment on the tip of his tongue until he watched JJ do a double take at you and stop in his tracks.

Don’t do it, Maybank, Rafe thought. Don’t you dare do it.

He watched JJ eye you and the distance between you and Rafe and, deeming it safe, peddled back, pulling a glass of champagne off his tray and handing it to you with a flourish. He knelt down next to your seat and when you turned to talk to him, it left JJ perfectly eye level with your cleavage. He was whispering something to you and you rested your hand on his bicep as you leaned forward to hear him. Rafe could see you blushing, and he watched Maybank take in every greedy eyeful of you. Rafe stood up so abruptly, it knocked his chair over and rattled the plates on the table. Everyone looked up at him, including you, and for the first time that night he had your full attention as your eyes widened at his reaction.

“YN, inside, let’s go” he said simply, walking to your side of the table.

You raised an eyebrow at him and his demanding tone.

“And Maybank if you don’t stop staring at her tits, I will put your face through this table.”

JJ quickly stood up and backed away with his hands raised in surrender as Rafe approached you.

“Rafe we were just—” you started.

“— Inside. Now” he said, taking you forcefully by the arm and leading you inside and into the locker room.

“Rafe! Come on! Stop it! I want to spend the night with my friends, I don’t know what you possibly have to be mad at” you said in resistance.

And that was the very last straw for him.

“WHAT I HAVE TO BE MAD AT?!” he said, incredulous, nearly shouting. “Where do I even begin with you!? You blow me off all week, then you waltz in here looking like an absolute bombshell, wearing next to nothing – I swear to God, I’ve seen you in bikinis with more material - every guy here is leering at you. Then you’re talking to that jackass who had his hands all over you…” he said, exasperated.

At this point he was pacing, his voice continuing to rise in anger and frustration. “…And then Maybank?! Maybank of all people?! He was flirting with you right in front of me. Was it to make me jealous? Is that what this is all about? Because I’m about to lose my fucking mind YN” he said running his hands through his hair, giving you sick pleasure knowing it took him probably an hour to style it. A surprised if not amused look rested on your face as you continued to twirl your necklace in your fingers.

“And who the fuck gave you that” he pointed accusingly at the diamond in your hand, not giving you a single second to respond, “No. Absolutely not. Take it off. Right now” he said, walking briskly towards you in an effort to do it himself.

You held out a hand to stop him.

“I don’t know what the big deal is Rafe” you said innocently. “What difference does it make? I’m just the girl you’re sneaking through your back door every night to smash” you shrugged, your eyes burning at him.

His eyes widened as he heard his own words on your lips.

“No, that’s – that’s not – I didn’t mean” he stuttered.

You gave him a vicious look as you watched the gears turn in his head and he tried to string a sentence together.

“Look, I didn’t mean it like that – I shouldn’t have – what I meant was – ahh, fuck it” he said, taking a step forward and closing the distance between you in an instant, one hand holding your face firmly as he pushed you against the lockers and the other coming to rest on the wall beside you, caging you in against him as he pressed his lips bruisingly to yours, devouring you, just like he’d wanted to do all night.

You wanted to stay strong, to argue, to tell him he wasn’t going to win you over like this. But he was. He so so was as he deepened the kiss almost instantly and the pad of his thumb ran across your cheek sending a shiver through your body. When he finally felt you relent and kiss him back, winding your arms around his neck and pulling yourself flush to him he let out a small groan that almost made you forget the whole point of tonight. Almost.

You pulled back, leaving not even an inch between you. The feeling of you kissing him had calmed him down significantly. His breathing had slowed but his cheeks were still flushed and his hair was mussed. He lingered there, his nose brushing yours as he stroked your cheek.

“You’re my girl” he whispered finally.

“Are you asking or telling?” you whispered back.

“Do I really need to ask, princess?” he said, meeting your gaze with his own.

You raised an eyebrow at him threateningly.

He rolled his eyes and said in a sigh, “Be mine?”

You bit your bottom lip and pretended to think about it. “Gosh, I don’t know” you said, pressing a slow kiss to his lips “M’might have to think about it” you said, pressing another kiss there, lingering longer “Mm’might need some convincing” you said, kissing him again and running your hands up his chest.

His voice was low but steady, “I will take you home right now and convince you as many times as you need me to” he said, kissing you back through a smile.

“Deal” you replied sweetly.

You moved to leave but he didn’t let you go and when you met his gaze, his brow was furrowed, his eyes searching yours. “I am serious though, about this, about you” he said. “I’m sorry I fucked up.” He looked uncharacteristically bashful, unsure even. “Really, are you mine?” he whispered.

“Yes, Rafe,” you said as your heart fluttered in your chest “All yours.”

He smiled stupidly, so far gone for you as he kissed you again. You were completely lost in the moment until he muttered against you, “Then please for the love of God will you take that necklace off and tell me who in the hell thought they could buy you something like that?”

You met his eyes strongly, the last embers of your pain crackling there.

“No” you said simply, continuing quickly when he tried to interrupt you. “I’m going to keep it and wear it whenever I damn well please to remind you of what you have and what you sure as hell want don’t want to lose.”

He looked genuinely shocked to hear you challenge him like that and you could see a tic in his jaw as he worked it back and forth in anger.

“I… hate that” he growled. “What if I buy you something nicer?”

You shrugged noncommittally and he shook his head at you. “Fine, let’s get out of here, that dress is killing me and I have a lot of convincing I want to do to you right now.” You giggled as he grabbed your hand and led you back outside, pressing a kiss to the side of your head.

When you rejoined the party there were a few murmurs and glances as you hung off his arm. Were you imagining it, or was he taking the long way back to your table, intentionally parading you around the patio and staring daggers at anyone whose gaze lingered too long? Being seen together at Midsummers was basically shouting from the rooftops that you were official. You were glowing, he was too. You said goodbye to your friends and within minutes you were in his truck headed back to Tanneyhill, his hand rubbing circles higher and higher on your thigh, your fingers in his hair.

He threw the car in park and scooped you over his shoulder, carrying you all the way upstairs like that, which had you shrieking in delight. He didn’t set you down until you were in his room and he kissed you feverishly, his hands cupping your face, before his fingers traced your neck, nearing your necklace.

“Rafe” you muttered against his lips, a warning.

“Just tell me who” he muttered back, unable to let it go and kissing you deeper in the hopes of convincing you. “I’m already gonna to buy you a new one, you’ll never wear this again, but I need to know. Can’t stop thinking about someone else with their hands on you” he said as he guided you backwards towards his bed, pushing you gently onto his comforter and crawling on top of you.

“I don’t like it. I do not fucking like it” he growled against your lips. Under his anger, you detected a hint of vulnerability and you broke your kiss just long enough to look into his eyes, which gazed longingly at you as they searched your face. Perhaps you had tortured this poor boy enough.

You sighed, relenting.

“Olivia” you said.

He looked at you, completely confused for only a moment before the realization dawned on his face and he hung his head.

“There isn’t anyone else” he said in equal parts relief, frustration and embarrassment.

You shook your head at him.

“God I’m so fucking stupid” he said.

You giggled before reaching behind your neck to unclasp the necklace and toss it on his bedside table.

He looked at you with heat and tenderness, “I’m sorry that’s what it took for me to get my shit together. I wish it all happened differently, but I don’t regret it. You’re it for me, YN, no one else.”

He placed a kiss beneath your ear, to your throat, to your bare collarbone. “My girl” he whispered against your skin, enjoying how it felt on his tongue and the sound of your sweet laughter in response.

taglist: @ietss, @gillybear17, @palmwinemami, @moremaybank, @one-sweet-gubler, @m-indkiller, @diary-of-jj, @crlsummer, @jjsbank444

#rafe cameron #obx rafe cameron #rafe obx #rafe outer banks #rafe cameron fanfiction #outerbanks rafe #rafe fanfiction #rafe cameron x reader #obx fanfiction

[adventuringblind]

Hi, I saw you were asking for requests and I thought I'd give you an idea for Max Verstapppen x reader fic. I don't request much so if it's too detailed I'm sorry, you can change anything you want, it's just a scenario I've had in my head for a while. I was thinking about enemies to lovers, grumpy x sunshine (also I'm a sucker for angst with a happy ending) ❤️❤️❤️

Ok, so imagine this: Reader is a new redbull media person/photographer and Max has an instant crush on her but acts like an a**hole cause he can't understand his emotions towards the reader. Other drivers tease him about it. I imagine someone ask why he doesn't like her and Daniel just straight up says "cause he loooves her" and Max gets all flustered. The reader is an absolute sunshine and tries to make him like her, even tho she is hurt by his behaviour. At some point (maybe right before a race or smth) he says something about her and she overhears and is heartbroken and suddenly stops talking to him.

I don't have an idea for an ending except that if you are up to I would love some smut 😂

Behind your walls

Max Verstappen x Reader

Genre: grumpy x sunshine, smut, angst if you squint.

Request: yes and it made me so happy. I hope I did your idea justice! My requests are open (specifically for Charles, Max Lando, and Oscar). Please don't hesitate to send in an idea!

Summary: Max knows he loves you but can't admit it to anyone, including himself. What happens when you over hear something he say? Will he be able to finally be vulnerable?

Warnings: Max is a jerk (blame is on Jos), pining, mentions of anxiety and a panic attack, smut, fingering, oral (female receiving)

Notes: second pov, I got a bit carried away, and I've never written smut before, so figured crossed it's not as cringe to you as it is to me. I think I changed like one or two things about the request but tried to follow it as much as I could.

If you have the chance, please check out my other work. likes, comments, and reblogs are always appreciated. I've started posting small snippets relating to my novel I'm currently editing, support for that is also always appreciated.

Masterlist

The following media is intended for those 18 and over. If you are underage, then please don't interact with this post.

Max has never been the best at dealing with his emotions. Sure he’s had his fair share of girlfriends, but all of them ended in confusion and heartbreak because of father wanting him to dedicate his entire being to racing.

So he did the only logical thing and walled himself off. Only having the occasional fling and never letting himself get to attached.

Then everything changed when he met you. Your sweet personality hired to drag him around all of his PR duties.

He'd made several of his PR managers quit. Ironically, not because he was an asshole to them, but because he had a talent for hiding from the press. It drove his managers insane. Redbull hoped that hiring someone warm and gentle was that you could coax him into fulfilling his responsibilities.

Everyone seemed to love you. Wherever you went, smiles followed. You'd even managed to convince Daniel into being productive and out of whatever his next shenanigan was. Not that you minded them, often laughing along with him if the situation arose. And to everyone's surprise, Max did spend more time with the reporters.

This, however, came at a price. For some reason that nobody could understand, Max Verstappen despised you. Or that's what you thought.

Max himself just thought he was doing the right thing for himself. No matter how many delicious coffies you brought him for early mornings. No matter how many of his jokes caused you to laugh. No matter the praises for wins and comforts for losses. Not even the look of admiration and respect you had for him and how he wanted nothing more than to sweep you away from this terrible world. He would not fall in love.

So he became a jerk to you. Giving you the cold shoulder. He always made sparky remarks at your expense. He even went as far as verbally telling you to 'piss off' even though deep down it hurt him too. Yet you still never wavered. Merely brushing it off and going back to whatever you were previously.

One day during a race weekend, Max found himself with Daniel during his downtime. The two of them eating lunch and chatting about life. The conversation was pleasant until Daniel brought up you.

"I don't understand why you don't like her, mate." Daniel chuckled a little, but there was genuine curiosity behind his eyes. Then, a realization hit the Australian. "I bet you love her! Like a crush from a schoolboy!" He announces for everyone in the vicinity to hear.

Was he wrong? No. But Max wasn't going to tell him that.

"You're wrong, mate. I personally find her incredibly annoying." He scoffed. He was also trying to convince himself of this. It wasn't working like he'd been intending.

"Why do you think? She's like the sweetest person I've ever met." Daniel gives a confused look to Max, who is struggling to find a reason why.

He finally gives the Aussie and awnswer. "She thinks anyone will do whatever she wants cause she's so nice. It's aggravating to see people flit around at her beck and call like she owns the place."

Daniel's face falls, a frown now gracing his lips. "Damn, that's too bad, I think you would've liked her if you'd giver her the chance."

It's at this moment that Max felt a looming presence behind him. The grimace if Daniel's face apparent.

"Sorry for interrupting, Christian is looking for you, Max." Came your voice. Not the one he was used to, you sounded on the verge of crying.

You turned on your heels and swiftly left to find somewhere secluded to compose yourself.

You hadn't intended on eaves dropping. You caught the tail end of their conversation as you were walking up. There wasn't much other noise around, and it's not like either male knows the definition of quiet.

Max, on the other hand, knew he messed up. He placed his hands over his face, shaking his head repeatedly. "I am stupid. I am stupid." He mumbled.

After the race that he managed to win, despite a rough start, he found himself immediately looking for you. Then he looked for you from the podium. And again, when it was time to be harassed from the media.

When he couldn't find you anywhere, he decided to ask Christian. He was hoping to get the chance to explain himself. Maybe even opening up a little because you deserved it after what he said.

Christian looked at him skeptically when he asked. "I thought you'd been told. She went back to the hotel. Security found her hyperventilating, so I had Daniel drive her back."

The rest of the day went by in slow motion for Max. Daniel mentioned a couple of times that you had anxiety. He'd mentioned that you are a people pleaser. You just wanted everyone to smile.

He hadn't realized how much damage his statement had done at the time. The guilt is now settling into the pit of his stomach.

He had someone else following him around. Definitely not as nice as you. He knew he'd fallen for you but couldn't admit it to himself. He needed to make this right. He didn't care if you hated him forever, but he wasn't going to let you think he hated you any longer.

Finally he was able to escape the cameras and locate Daniel. "I need your help."

You had spent your time in the hotel watching the race under your blankets and calming yourself down. You wouldn't lie that you genuinely liked Max. He started as an aquintance, but then you picked up on any grain he would give you. Any story he would tell to fill the silence. You wanted him to enjoy your presence as much as you enjoyed his. You knew you couldn't force it, but it wasn't going to stop you from at least being nice. Had you pushed it too far anyway?

Daniel knew about your crush. He said he saw that way you would listen to his long wonded explanations with patience and understanding and new only someone who loved him could manage that.

However, Daniel had also given you a false sense of hope. The Australian said that he saw how Max wanted to make you laugh. How he followed every PR obligation so you could keep your job. He wanted you around, too.

The tears started rolling again at the thought.

It's evening now. You hadn't eaten since this morning, but your stomach had no intention of letting you nourish yourself. Your anxiety over needing to make everyone happy getting the best of you. You hadn't had a panic attack like that in awhile. Even going as far as to dry heave because of the intensity.

You were exhausted, to say the least.

You wanted to sleep, but Daniel had texted, saying he didn't care if you wanted it or not, he is on route to bring you comfort food.

You did your best to make yourself look presentable. Though when you looked in the mirror, you definitely didn't look happy.

The inevitable knock came. You didn't hesitate to swing open the door, ready to be greeted by a cheeky smile.

What you got was a Dutch with a sheepish smile holding your favorite food and some flowers.

"Before you say anything, please let me explain." He rushed out. He needed to, though, since you were trying to close the door on him. Instead, you pause, considering his offer, and let him inside without a word.

He steps in the door. Finally taking in your appearance and the state of your room. Both are in dissaray. You sit on the edge of the bed and patiently wait for him to gather his thoughts.

You'd always been patient with him. Another reason he loved you.

"I'm sorry for what I said."

You didn't want to believe him, but there was a genuine look behind his blue eyes. You don't say anything. Opting to just listen to him instead.

"I know I fucked up." Max continues. His voice shaking more than you'd ever heard. "And I know you may never forgive me for what I've done to you. But I am truly in love with you." He stares at the floor. Anxiety making him cast his eyes to the floor.

You are shocked, rendered completely speechless at the confession. "Why?" Wat the only thing you could get out.

Max sets down what he is holding and finds the spot next to you on the bed. "I know I treated you poorly. I thought that in pushing you away, I would protect myself. But I fell for you anyway."

He inhales sharply. Staring at your glassy eyes. How were you so calm? He felt exposed and vulnerable. "You don't have to talk to me ever again. But I couldn't let you go without telling you I love you."

"I love you too." You whisper. His head snaps up in surprise. Is he hearing things? "I have for a while."

Nope, he definitely heard right. He watches your lips twist upward into a small smile and let's out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

"I know it'll take time, but please stick around. Let me show you hard I've fallen."

"It dosen't excuse how you treated me, but I'll give you a chance."

(AN: You can end here if you're not in the mood for spicy things or want to leave it at cute and fluffy... or not. Your choice )

The proximity between you two is so close now. Your foreheads practically touching.

Giving into the intense pull towards you, Max gives in and places his lips on yours. You taste sweet, exactly how he'd imagined. He could already tell he was going to become addicted. "Can I start tonight?" He might be pushing boundaries, but he'd be damned if he didn't at least ask.

He didn't hesitate to kiss you again when you gently nodded your head, yes. Giving him permission to continue for now.

This kiss was much more heated. Both of you hungry to act on all the pent-up emotions you had for each other.

You had one or two partners before Max. You know how to please. So immediately you moved to straddle him. Your inate need to put others first taking over.

It shocked you when Max pulled you off. Suddenly not knowing what to do with yourself. "Tonight is about you." He whispered in your ear. Planting kisses on your jaw as he lays you on the bed. "I'm going to show you how I've fallen for you." Kiss to your nose. "How much I love you." Kiss you your forehead. "And how much I need you." Puncuated by a slow sensual Kiss to your lips.

His lips move against yours with passion and lust. You open your mouth to give him access to your mouth, and he instantly begins exploring.

His hands gently caress the insides of your thighs and run up along your sides. Pulling your shirt up little bits at a time.

Your hand find themselves underneath his shirt. Your fingers are trying to memorize the feeling of his skin.

Max pulls away for you, panting heavily. "Can I take off some of your clothes?" He asks. His voice laced with new found confidence.

You'd never been treated like this. Often take advantage of because you are a giver. You gave constent sure, but this is a whole new level. You nod your head yes again, though looking skeptical.

Max picking up on this stops everything he's doing. "Are you ok? Your face is telling me something different."

"Yes, sorry, this is just a little new to me." You explain.

The shock hits Max once again. "Are you a virgin?!" His mind reeling that he was possibly going to take your virginity and he wouldn't have known.

He's more confused when you start laughing. "No, no! It's just that nobody has treated me so well before!"

"Oh, well if that's the case." A smirk finds its way onto his face as he straps you your shirt, then his. Then he takes your pants, your bra, and finally pauses. Laying kisses to every party of your body.

"I wish I hadn't closed myself off for so long. You're so beautiful. I've wanted you to myself like this for so long."

You pratically moan at his words. "Are you going to finish undressing?"

"What do you not get about me taking care of you." He places a finger over your lips to shush you. You sigh and comply. Letting him take control of the rhythm.

Max is over the top of you. Inching his way down. Sucking and leaving little marks as he goes.

He makes a pit stop at your chest. Gently taking your nipple and rolling it between his fingers. His tongue then finds the other one. Swirling it around, then sucking. Listening to you whimper beneath him.

"Do you like that lovely?" The cockiness in his voice not going unnoticed.

He trades sides with his hand and mouth. Trying to give equal attention to both your tits. His free hand now placed firmly on your hip to keep you still.

When he felt he'd given ample attention in one area, he made his way down lower. He stopped at your still clothed lower half. "Can I take these off you now?"

"If you don't I might cry."

Max has them off seconds layer. Now discarded with the rest of your clothes.

His gaze burns into you. His breathing erratic just looking at you. "Your are the most gorgeous thing on the planet."

You swallow hard as he finds a comfortable position. His head now in-between you thighs.

His finger gently rubs where you need him, and he places love bites to the insides of your thighs. "Glad to know I'm doing good so far." He smiles. His fingers are now coated in your slick substance.

You whimper again. His name falls from your lips like a prayer.

He licks the finger that was previously touching you. Savoring every bit of the tast he can. "Exactly like how I dreamed."

It was your turn to chuckle now. "You dreamed of me?"

"Almost every night. I got off in the morning to the memory."

You want to dwell on his dirty confession, but Max's tongue doesn't let you.

It doesn't take him long to have you writhing. His tounge unrelenting.

His fingers find their way inside of you. The act alone almost sends you off the edge. Instincts take over as you find yourself closer to utter bliss. Your arms struggle to push max away. His arms hooked under your thighs to hold you close keep you from doing so.

Your back arches as you release. Max is slowly coming to a stop as your ride out your high.

Both of you are breathing heavily. Max's fingers are still caressing your hips as you both catch your breath.

Realization hits you. "Don't you need something too?" You ask, voice laced with anxiety over not pleasing him also.

Max only smirks, laying his head against your leg. "I fine, don't you worry. Tonight, we cuddle, and tomorrow I take you for round two."

And that's exactly what you did. Max helped clean you up and put on your pajamas. Then you two curled up in bed together. Him telling you everything he had been wanting to since he laid eyes on you.

You know this road worh Max certainly wouldn't be easy. But you're patient, and you'll wait for him. As long as he needs to let himself fully tear down his walls.

#x reader #f1 fic #formula one #max verstappen #max verstappen x reader #max verstappen x y/n #fanficion #smut #grumpy x sunshine #max verstappen x you #daniel riccardo x reader #daniel ricciardo #formula 1 #f1 fanfic #redbull racing #redbull #super max #orange army #open requests #please request #I have a thing for his tongue #have you watched him speak? #it does things to me #max #maxy #emotional constipation #jos verstappen #i blame him #racing #daniel is the best wingman

[thefrogdalorian]

From Now Until The End

Summary: After being away from you as part of his job with the New Republic, your partner Din surprises you with a trip to the Boonta Eve Classic on Tatooine to make up for it. But instead of the fun-filled day he had planned, you are overwhelmed by the many sights, sounds and noises. It leads you to finally share a part of yourself with Din that you had been hiding from him until now.

Rating: General Content Warnings: Descriptions of panic attacks/sensory overload. Word Count: 5446 Link to read on AO3 // Din x ND reader series

Authors note: After my post a few days ago about finding comfort in Din as a neurodivergent person provoked so many thoughful discussions, this fic just sort of landed in my lap today and I was not one to fight the muse. I really hope you enjoy it!

For the first part of your life, you had believed you were somehow cursed, such was the way bad luck was drawn to you like a womp rat to the sands of Tatooine. How did everything seem so simple for others when nothing ever seemed to go right for you? Had you missed out on some kind of crucial meeting that taught everyone else to be a functional human? Or were you just fundamentally broken? Getting a diagnosis of autism thanks to a knowledgeable healer that you had encountered quite by accident, had finally answered some questions for you and helped you to navigate the galaxy in a different way, allowing yourself far more grace and compassion than you ever had before. But it didn’t make all of your problems instantly vanish.

But your fortunes had changed forever on that fateful day when you had first encountered a man hunting imperial remnants for the New Republic in the course of your work in a Cantina, a job you loathed. He had strode in, seeking information that you had been happy to give him.

You were stunned when he had tried to give you some credits for it, it was just the right thing to do. You had always had a strong sense of justice. Sure, your boss probably wouldn’t be too happy if he had caught you fraternising with customers and conspiring to capture Imps with a Mandalorian, rather than doing your job. Which was, to pour flagons of spotchka and keep the peace. But the man in the shiny Beskar had been the first person in a while who had actually treated you like a fellow human being, rather than something to be leered at and ogled while you brought them more alcohol. You felt instantly at ease with him, the conversation flowing from your lips so naturally that you forgot he was a stranger. And you were usually so wary of strangers. To be as open as you were with him so quickly, it was clear that there was something special about this man.

People were usually wary of Mandalorians, they were still such a rarity in the galaxy after The Great Purge. But you realised after just a few minutes of talking to him, that there was something incredibly comforting and warm about the man beneath the armour. When he had left, you had felt so devastated it was almost pathetic. Of course he had left, he was only here in this backwater hellhole for a job, after all. It had been difficult to complete your shift without dissolving into sobs, you felt irritated and on the verge of a meltdown but if you were to try to explain it to anyone, even if you could find the words, it would not make any sense. A stranger had made you feel happier than you had in a long time? How was that normal?

Waking yourself up for your shift the following morning and dragging yourself into to face the most wretched hive of scum and villainy in the galaxy at your place of work had been one of the toughest things you had ever had to do. You loathed that cantina, that was situated right next to the starport on the formerly-Imperial planet in the mid rim. People were fleeting, passing through. It was seedy. There were secrets to be traded in and you knew if you weren't careful, you could pay with your life. But you had to keep going. The boss had taken you in and supported you when you were down on your luck. There was no alternative. 

But the moment when you had caught the familiar glint of that shiny Beskar out of the corner of your eye as you were cleaning glasses had changed everything. At that moment, when Din had strode back into the cantina with that confident gait that you loved so much, it was as though all the misfortune you had endured had meant something. All the suffering you had experienced in your life was all being made up for now, when Din had returned and saved you from a monotonous life on that dead-end planet, working in a job you loathed with a hellish boss. You had left that day and never looked back.

Crossing paths with Din Djarin had been, without a doubt, the most fortunate thing that had ever happened to you. Although you had still been wary of his intimidating presence at first, despite how quickly you felt at ease with him; you had come to learn that despite his hulking, armoured form, there was a heart of gold beneath that cold, hard Beskar. As your relationship had gotten more serious and the two of you had grown closer and closer, your guilt at hiding such a big part of yourself had increased. There was not an easy way to tell people that you were autistic, you had discovered that over and over since you had received your diagnosis. There were often painful consequences once others discovered that there was a hint of difference. You knew it was foolish to think that with Din, he had proven to you time and time again to be a patient, understanding man. Not least because of how he treated you, but also because of how sweet he was to his son, Grogu.

Surprisingly, perhaps because he had spent the first part of your relationship hiding his face from you behind his helmet, you had not felt the need to mask as much as you usually did. There was no pressure to make eye contact and Din was so quiet that small talk was not an issue. He was direct, a man of few words. When he did speak, it was straight to the point. Something that you found immensely comforting from the moment you met him.

You had not wanted to burden him with the secret you were hiding from him though. At first, you had not thought it was important to bring up. People usually ran away or treated you differently. In the past, your honesty had been met with rejection or unkindness. Your heart ached to think of the same thing happening with Din.

But unfortunately, hiding that part of you was no longer an option. As you sat there, cowering in a cave that you had found away from all the noise that was characteristic of the Boonta Eve Classic, you wondered how on earth you were going to explain it to Din. This wasn’t how you wanted it to happen. You wanted to drop it in conversation, nonchalantly, as though it wasn’t a big deal – because why should it be? Instead, your hand had rather been forced by how upset the accumulation of events that happened to you throughout the day had left you.

Din had taken a lot of jobs recently and the two of you had spent a considerable amount of time apart. But you didn’t spend your days alone, pining for him; he had secured a job for you with his friend, High Magistrate Greef Karga on the planet where you shared a cabin with him and Grogu. It was a beautiful tract of land, just past the lava flats. You felt extremely grateful that Din had wanted to invite you into the quiet life he had built for himself Grogu. So while Din was away, you had found yourself working in the Nevarrian archives and making sure everything was up to date and in order. For a detail-orientated person who loved order, it was a perfect job for you. Even better, it came with minimal human interaction, a parsec away both literally and metaphorically from that hateful Cantina. What’s more, you had an incredibly good-natured – not to mention handsome – man for a partner and his charming son, whom you had quickly come to adore. With those big brown eyes and ears that could melt your heart when they drooped downwards, there was no way you could do anything other than love Grogu. 

But with so much time apart recently, Din had wanted to do something special to make it up to you. He had arranged to take you to the Boonta Eve Classic, an infamous event the entire galaxy over which took place annually on Tatooine. He had a friend who could babysit Grogu and it would be the perfect opportunity for the two of you to spend some quality time together. Din had told you about the time he had visited Tatooine on the day of it a couple of cycles ago but was unable to stay due to commitments elsewhere. You could see how excited he was to finally experience Boonta Eve and you would be lying if you weren’t excited too. It was definitely something on your bucket list, that you had wanted to experience for a while. You would be lying if you said you weren’t a little daunted by it though, all the noise and people were sure to push you out of your comfort zone.

The heat of Tatooine was the first thing that stood out to you. Nevarro could be hot, but this was something else. It was repressive; you sweated just standing still. You wished you had dressed in something lighter, some cotton perhaps, rather than the shirt that seemed to cling to you. The bright, harsh light of the twin suns was also making your head buzz. You had felt a little shaky as you and Din climbed off the ship that had brought you here and headed for the hangar to meet Din’s friend who would take care of Grogu.

Din had introduced you to a few of his acquaintances since the two of you had gotten together and usually, you could understand why they were friends. You were about to meet the exception to that rule, though, in the form of a curly-haired, eccentric mechanic called Peli Motto. You had barely had a chance to catch your breath on this planet, which seemed determined to boil you to death, when you entered the hangar and met perhaps the most extroverted woman you had ever met in your entire life.

When you walked in, she had been conversing with some Jawas, her brown curly hair bobbing up and down furiously. Your understanding of the language was minimal at best, but it seemed to be a pretty heated discussion. Din shifted awkwardly next to you, Grogu in his arms. He cleared his throat and at once she spun around.

“Mando!” Peli exclaimed, throwing her arms up in delight. “Good to see ya, always a pleasure!”

“You too.” Din nodded in response.

“No ship today?” Peli asked, with a shrug. “Shame, I would’ve given her the ol’ once over for ya. For a good price, of course.”

“No, there wasn’t enough room. I’m here with my partner, you see.” Din said, nodding towards you, his hand coming to rest on the small of your back to show that you were, in fact, an item.

“Well look at you! Isn’t Mando punching above his weight? You’re stunning.” Peli said with a grin, her hands coming to rest on her toolbelt. Although, judging by the amount of droids she employed, it didn’t look as though she did much work herself. “You know, if things don’t work out between the two of you, you give me a call. Alright?”

“Uh… alright?” You laughed apprehensively, taken aback by how brazen she was.

Din sensed your unease and swiftly moved the conversation on, removing his hand from your back and taking a few steps towards Peli, handing Grogu to her. Grogu cooed at being passed to the woman, who greeted him enthusiastically. You just stood there awkwardly, your arms felt heavy and you suddenly felt incredibly out of place, even though you were with your boys. You just wanted to leave this place behind and finally spend some quality time with Din. That was the entire point of your trip, after all.

After Din had reminded Grogu several times to mind his manners and not eat all of Peli’s food, the two of you left the hangar behind and walked hand-in-hand as you made your way towards the area where the Boonta Eve Classic was taking place. Din had splurged on grandstand seats for the two of you and, although you had expected it would be busy, as you got closer and closer, you were blown away by the capacity of the main stand. It seemed as though it could hold hundreds of thousands of people. Din must have sensed your unease since the whole interaction with Peli, as he checked in with you.

“You okay?” Din asked, looking at you. But all that greeted you was the harsh blackness of his visor, rather than the warm, comforting brown eyes that you loved so much. “Sorry about Peli, I should’ve given you a heads-up. She’s completely harmless, but I know she can be a lot, sometimes.”

“Oh, yeah. It’s okay.” You laughed nervously. “It’s just a lot busier than I was expecting.”

“It’s Boonta Eve!” Din shook his head as though it should be obvious, which only made you feel worse, somehow. “Biggest event of the year. There are a lot of people, though.”

“Yeah.” You said quietly.

“Let’s get some food. It was a long journey, you must be hungry.” Din said as he pointed towards a stall with a considerable throng of people surrounding it. “Look, I think those stalls sell Bantha cheese hoagies, We can get a refreshing glass of blue milk too.”

“Okay.” You agreed. It was true, you would probably feel better with some proper food in your system. It had taken the better part of a day to travel here from Nevarro, on one of the ships that had been specially chartered to take people to the event. 

But the food had not helped. Nor had been crammed onto the bleachers alongside thousands of others without the comfort of Din’s face to ground you. Every time you looked at him, you were met with the unmoving gaze of his helmet, rather than his warm brown eyes that you loved so much. You had tried to maintain your composure throughout the afternoon through the many races and into the evenings, Din seemed to be enjoying himself and you didn’t want to ruin that from him. Much less could you even begin to get into why you were so upset, why you were struggling so much. He probably wouldn’t understand, he’d think you were strange. So you resolved to keep it together. It would all be over soon. You shut your eyes and took deep breaths as the final race began, knowing that you just had to make it through a few more minutes before you and Din would head back to the lodgings he had booked for the night – at great personal expense, if you had to guess.

But when the pod races had ended, after much cheering and ear-splittingly loud commentary coming from the speakers, there had been no reprieve. Instead, a fireworks display had started up, replacing one loud noise with another. If there was one thing you abhorred, it was sudden loud noises. They made you physically jump, completely terrifying you. It had been the thing that had tipped you over the edge into meltdown territory. You were trying your best to keep it together, to at least make it somewhere more private before you came apart. So you abruptly stood up, clapping your hands to your ears.

“Din… I need to leave.” You managed to squeak out before you were pushing your way along the row of bleachers and hurtling down the steps to somewhere quieter.

As you reached the bottom of the grandstand, your mind raced. Where could you go? You were somewhere completely alien to you. Plus, when you had made your way here, everything had been light. But now the suns had set and darkness had crept in. You were grateful that the harsh sun was no longer beating down furiously on you, but the lack of light disorientated you. Your vision started to blur as the tears began to fall, you were trembling, twisting your head furiously in desperate search of somewhere quiet you could get some privacy as you broke into pieces.

Mercifully, behind one of the vendors that were beginning to pack their wares up for the night, was an entrance to a cave. It was the perfect place for you to get some quiet away from the fireworks, which were still exploding all around you. Without a second thought – for your safety, for Din’s whereabouts – you darted inside the cave and found some peace. You sat there, arms around your knees, rocking back and forth as the meltdown that you had felt building pace for hours was finally crashing down with all its might on top of you. 

The sound of footsteps outside the cave did nothing to reach you, such was the distress you found yourself in. It could have been anyone with nefarious intentions, you weren’t in a position to care. You weren’t in a position to take anything in, really. But, mercifully, it was the familiar sight of the Mandalorian who owned your heart. Din had found you; of course, he had, he was not once known as the best bounty hunter in the parsec for no reason. 

“Cyar’ika? What’s wrong?” Din asked, voice full of concern as he closed the distance towards you.

He took a seat on the cold, firm floor of the cave in front of where you were currently sitting in a state of distress, unreachable as you felt the world was ending. 

“What happened?” Din asked, again. But his voice sounded slightly different this time and, as you opened your eyes and looked at him through your tears, you realised why. You could finally see the face of the man that you loved so much, the face you had been aching to see all day.

“Di- Din?” You sniffled. You respected his devotion to the Creed entirely – although he had chosen to walk a different path to the Way he was raised, he still only removed his helmet around you and Grogu.

“I’m here, cyar’ika. I’m not leaving you.” Din said, reaching out to pat your knee awkwardly, clearly scared that he was going to upset you more.

You took some deep breaths, attempting to compose yourself so you could speak to him and let him know the truth, about what had caused your sudden loss of composure and subsequent meltdown. To an outsider, you knew they looked inexplicable but inside your head, they made complete sense.

“Was it something I did? Was it the fireworks?” Din questioned, although the cave was almost entirely in darkness, you could still see the concern on his face. “I’m so sorry, I thought you knew they were part of Boonta Eve.”

“I didn’t…” You struggled for breath, “...know.”

“I’m so sorry. Were they too loud? Din asked you, you were grateful that he was keeping it to questions that could be answered with a yes or no. They were far easier to reply to in your current state.

“Yes.” You nodded your head furiously.

“Okay, okay. I think I get it.” Din said, continuing to stroke your knee gingerly. The warm pressure and presence of his hand was a welcome addition. It soothed you, rather than repulsed you as could sometimes happen when you were in a state of meltdown. “Take your time, get your breath back.”

You weren’t sure for how many minutes you sat there, trying to compose yourself so you could speak to Din and let him in. Let him know what had caused your distress. You knew what it was, but this could change everything. For a second, that made you cry harder. But then you comforted yourself with all the times Din had been understanding before, when you had returned from work upset or when he had been kind and patient to Grogu, the little boy with an immense gift.

Eventually, though, you were composed enough to initiate a conversation with the man who was so concerned about you, who you knew wanted to help you and understand what had upset you so much. You couldn’t bear the thought of him believing that it was his fault, if nothing else, you had to let him know that there was nothing he could have done to prevent this.

“Sorry for running off.” You said sincerely, struggling to meet Din’s gaze as you sat there in the cave together. “It wasn’t your fault, Din.”

“Do you want to talk about what caused it, now?” Din asked. “No pressure to but if I know, perhaps I can help you in future.”

You could have launched into a detailed history of your life, about how you knew from an early age that you were different. That, despite your human parents, you had repeatedly questioned whether you were, in fact, an alien who had been adopted, somehow. How things had not made sense until the day that healer looked into your eyes and told you those words: You are autistic. The way, even after that, things still did not make sense. How you thought that logically, having a diagnosis should make things easier to understand, that often you felt as though you understood yourself even less now.

But you didn’t. You could tell Din those things another time. For now, there was only one thing that Din needed to know. You closed your eyes and uttered the three words that could change everything for you, that could rip this man and the life you were building together away from you:

“Din… I’m autistic.” You said, shutting your eyes as though you were anticipating some kind of violence in response to the admission of your diagnosis.

When you opened them, though, there was no pain to be rained down on you. Only love and acceptance. Before you, the man you had grown so close to sat there cross-legged, his warm brown eyes widened in shock, as he nodded slowly in understanding. 

“Okay,” Din said with another firm nod, making sure that he was looking directly at you. “What can I do to help you?”

“You’ve been so understanding and accepting of me already. I just sometimes struggle to put into words how I’m feeling. It’s as though I don’t know how bad I’m feeling until I’m reduced to a blubbering mess, like just know.” You admitted. “That’s why, eventually, things were too much and I just ran off.”

“What caused it today?” Din asked, curiously. You saw no trace of judgement or a desire to pry in those eyes.

“Well, I tend to struggle with social situations, meeting new people and new environments. And also, sensory overload, when things are too bright and noisy… it makes me panic.” You admitted, fiddling nervously with the hem of the shirt that you had dressed in that had failed miserably at keeping you cool. “It was just… everything today. And I didn’t know how to say it or make you aware because you didn’t know and you might think I was ungrateful. I know how much you were looking forward to this, how much you spent on giving me the best experience. I wanted to have a good time but I just… I couldn’t…”

“Oh, cyar’ika. I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve been struggling. I can see how a busy, noisy pod race with all the sounds and people would be awful for you. Plus the fireworks display you had no idea about… Boonta Eve was probably not the best place to bring you. Nor was it wise to introduce you to someone new, especially someone as loud as Peli.” Din said, shaking his head although he was upset for himself. “And all that, somewhere unfamiliar… on a planet you’ve never been to. It’s amazing, really, that you coped as well as you did, for so long today. I'm proud of you.”

“Thank you, Din. But please don’t feel bad, you didn’t know. I should’ve told you sooner… but I was scared to.” You admitted sheepishly.

“Scared?” Din questioned, raising an eyebrow.

“I just….” You took a deep breath. It was difficult for you to talk about the unfortunate reactions you had been exposed to in the past. “There have been plenty of people who have not accepted my diagnosis, told me I didn’t look autistic or that it can’t be that bad. People just… they don’t understand. I was scared you’d think I was weird, that you wouldn’t love me anymore.”

“Oh, cyar’ika.” Din said, shuffling to sit next to you so he could wrap his arm around your shoulder and bring you into him protectively. “I would never think that of you. I can’t imagine how much it would hurt to feel so misunderstood and struggle with so many things that others find easy. I must admit, I don’t always notice lights and noises like others do, behind my helmet. It sort of creates a barrier between me and the rest of the galaxy. If I had to face the world in the same way you do, bearing my face… I would probably struggle too.”

“You would?” You questioned in amazement. Usually, you doubted how much people could understand, but with Din, there was utter sincerity there. He was noble and always true to his word, sometimes to the point of putting himself in precarious positions, you did not doubt him for a second.

“I would,” Din nodded. “Plus, as for the weird thing. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but when you met me I told you I was part of a Creed that meant I could never show you my face. Not only that, but I had adopted a son who was older than me. So, you know, I’m also surprised you didn’t leave me. I’m not exactly the most normal person in the galaxy.”

You laughed at that, so hard that your sides were hurting. Din soon joined you and the cave was soon filled with something other than tortured sobs. It was a welcome change for your body to be hurting rather than something other than pain and terror, for there to be warmth spreading once again in your chest.

“Good point,” You admitted. “You are pretty weird.”

“But seriously, if you ever feel yourself struggling like that again, please tell me,” Din said, suddenly looking at you seriously. “You know, if there’s anything I can do, I’ll help you. Now that I know, I can look for things that might cause you distress. I promise I’ll never put you through anything you don’t want to do. You said that today must have cost a lot and that’s true, but you know credits don’t matter as much as you do. Your happiness is my only priority… along with Grogu’s, of course.”

“Thank you, Din.” You whispered, voice thick with emotion. “I don’t know what I ever did to deserve you.”

The truth was, you would never be able to thank him with words. To have someone so understanding of you… it was a debt you felt that you would never be able to repay. But Din would never ask you to repay anything.

“Just continue being yourself, cyar’ika.” Din said, squeezing you to him. “I fell in love with you because you are who you are, this changes nothing. In fact, it makes me admire you and love you even more.”

"Really?" You asked.

"Really. From now until the end... I'm by your side." Din said, solemnly.

You sat there stunned, letting his words wash over you. They were a balm to your soul, the exact thing you needed to hear. You wondered how you had ever doubted Din's faithfulness and honourability. It seemed stupid now, that you could ever believe this man would want nothing but your absolute happiness. 

"Ready to head to the lodgings?" Din asked after a few more minutes had passed.

"Let's go." You nodded, accepting Din's hand as he pulled you to your feet.

As you made your way to the lodgings Din had arranged for you that night, your hand in his, you felt as though an incredible weight had been lifted from your shoulders. He had finally learnt the truth about you and the reasons why you struggled sometimes, there was nothing to hide anymore. And he had not responded with judgement or dismissiveness, nor had he doubted how much you had struggled. He had listened, allowed you to explain and vowed to help you through it in the future.

Din's helmet was back on now, but you felt a new respect for him. To know that he found it comforting, that he liked wearing it... most people would think it was an intense personal sacrifice to wear something so restrictive, but now that you knew that Din actually found solace in his helmet, with its tinted visor and the way it made noises quieter… perhaps you would think about the steps it took to become Mandalorian.

But all those questions could be answered later. For now, it was just you and the man you loved most in the galaxy, a man who knew everything about you and still loved you as much as he had before.

You weren’t sure what you had ever done to deserve such a kind, good man... but you weren’t about to question the way the galaxy had brought you together. You were just happy that your paths had crossed at all.

*

A few days later, back at your cabin on Nevarro, you awoke in the middle of the night to find that the side of the cot normally occupied by your favourite Mandalorian was empty. You momentarily panicked when you sat up with a start and saw that Din was nowhere to be found. You placed your hand on the sheets on his side of the cot and discovered they were still faintly warm. He couldn’t have gone far. Perhaps he was with Grogu, the little boy might have had a nightmare. But as you made your way into the hallway of the small cabin, you noticed a faint light coming from the main living area of the cabin.

As you crept down the corridor, not wanting to disturb Din, you noticed that he was sitting at the small desk in the living area. Illuminated by the warm glow of the lamp, you could see his curly dark hair resting on the desk. You worried for a moment until you heard the comfortingly familiar sound of his shallow, even breaths which indicated that he had fallen asleep. As you looked even closer, you noticed that there was something open on the desk. Your curiosity got the better of you as you wandered over there to see what he had been up to before he had fallen asleep with a lamp still on. A lamp that you turned off and shut the book that was sitting just above his hand, his hand resting next to it. And then you noticed the golden writing on the red cover and your heart skipped a beat.

It read, in Aurebesh: How to Support Your Autistic Loved One

You felt a lump in your throat and tears pool in your eyes. Before you could react further, Din stirred. The sound of the book shutting with a thud had caused him to stir, his brown eyes fluttered open and he turned to look up at you.

“Hi, sleepyhead.” You said, teasingly.

“Hi,” Din said, wiping his eyes. 

“Doing some late-night reading?” You asked with a smirk, nodding at the book.

“Oh…” Din said, turning his head to look down at the book too. “I got it from the archives here. I just wanted to know how to help you.”

“You’re so sweet, Din.” You smiled. “Thank you.”

“Anything for you, cyar’ika.” Din smiled at you, his eyes looking at you adoringly. “Let’s head back to our cot.”

As you fell asleep, your cheek resting on the warm, firm expanse of Din’s broad chest, you felt certain that you were the luckiest person in the entire galaxy. There was no one that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. You had not travelled far, but you knew that you could travel the galaxy many times and never meet another person as understanding as Din Djarin.

Thankfully, you didn’t have to… because he was all yours. From now until the end.

#din djarin x you #din djarin x reader #din djarin fic #din djarin fanfiction #din djarin #the mandalorian #autistic reader #autistic representation #star wars fanfiction #the mandalorian x reader #really thank you if you interacted with the post I made the other day bc this wouldn't have come to me without that :') #i loved writing this so much it was very cathartic #also my first time posting a fic to tumblr like this lol so i hope it was okay ??? ive never used anything other than ao3 #good god its almost 2am i need to drink water and SLEEP #my fics

[vivavivahappychuluchuchu]

Kel x reader comfort

Warnings: HUGE omori spoilers, panic attacks, lots of crying, vomit, ED, SH, bullying, suicide, swearing (please ask if you want warnings for anything else!)

Description: Kel has always been there for you, as you have for him.

A/n: YAY MY FIRST ACTUAL POST! I hope you enjoy! This is also an example of how serious my works can get haha

You were over at kel’s house, watching cartoons with him on a Sunday morning. You were eating cereal with him and hero as his mother walked into the room, teary eyed as she clutched her phone close to her chest.

“Mom? What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

Hero stood up as you and Kel focused your attention on his mother, glancing in between you two as Kel placed a hand on yours, sending you a reassuring smile.

“It’s- its about Mari…”

Your blood ran cold as she said that; what happened? Was she hurt? Your mind instantly wandered into dark scenarios, Kel squeezing your hand as he noticed your anxiety.

“She’s- she’s killed herself..!”

.

.

Everyone was speechless.

“…killed herself..?”

Hero spoke in an almost silent voice, his words strained. You reach out a hand to him, but he tugs his away as soon as he feels your skin on his. He rubs a hand over his face, walking upstairs and slamming the door to his room. You hear the sounds of things crashing to the ground as a harsh knock sounds at the front door.

“Oh, y/n- your mother is here” kel’s mother rushed to open it as you just sat there on the ground, your brain having not fully registered what had happened.

“Y/n… no matter what happens, we’ll always be friends, right?”

Tears sprung to your eyes as you nodded, trying to wipe them away but they just kept coming. Kel scooted across and brought you into a hug, his own tears silently falling as you both cried into each others arms.

4 YEARS LATER

“Y/NNNNN! COME ON!!!”

You rushed down the stairs at the sound of Kel practically breaking down your door, running past the kitchen, taking a glance at the loaf of bread on the countertop only to think against it, swinging open the door to see Kel grinning at you.

“Kel, the doors open you know you can just come in!”

He smiled and laughed nervously in response.

“Yeah, well, that seems a little rude, right?”

“Oh, Kel, if it’s you I don’t care, you should know that by now!” You rolled your eyes as a light blush formed on his cheeks before you grabbed him by the hand and pulled him in “also, sorry, but I’m not completely ready yet- I’ll just be a sec!” He sat down on the couch and made himself at home as you ran up the stairs, digging around your room.

“Aha! Found it!” You slipped the purple bracelet over your wrist and smiled, rushing back downstairs only to find Kel in the kitchen, making a sandwich.

“Hey that’s my food you’re using up”

He laughed and handed the sandwich over to you, leaving you confused.

“Kel I don’t-“ he cut you off.

“Y/n, there’s no need to lie I know you and I know you haven’t had breakfast yet, so eat”

He was oddly serious as he shoved the sandwich into your hands, watching as you took small bites from it.

“Hey, don’t we need a gift to welcome hero back from college?”

Kel seemed to panic as you said that, slapping a hand over his face as he groaned in annoyance.

“Shoot! I completely forgot! Ah, darn, I have a whole list of things from my mom that I have to buy too!”

While his back was turned, you dropped the sandwich into the trash and walked to your door.

“Hey, won’t you be too warm? It’s like seventy degrees out there” Kel placed a hand around your wrist where the sleeve of your shirt slowly rode up, his face contorting in confusion. He dragged his fingers up your forearm before you pulled away from him, swinging open the door.

“Y/n, are you okay? You know I’m always here to talk, right? You don’t have to worry about being a burden”

He knew you so well. You shook your head, however, looking to the side as you shut and locked your door, dropping the keys behind a plant pot.

“I’m fine, Kel”

“But I felt-“

“Kel, please”

At the sound of your voice and the pleasing look you gave him, he simply let out a sigh and stopped pressing you about it.

The walk into town was awkward, to say the least. You weren’t saying a word as you could see Kel sending you worried glances from the corner of your eye: he glanced at your face, then back at the road, then he glanced at your arm and looked away again just as fast.

“Oh, there’s gino’s, mom said to grab something from there…” he looked back at you eyes narrowing at the sight of the thickness of your shirt “seriously, y/n, you’re gonna get heatstroke, we can go back if you wanna change, I really don’t mind” he gestured behind him, pointing in the direction of your house but you didn’t budge. He sighed again as you walked in front of him into gino’s, leaving him to stare after you.

Oh, great. Now Aubrey’s here.

You turned away from her, hoping to be ignored only when you heard whispers coming from her table and the scraping of chairs against the polished floor.

“I thought I told you never to show your face again, nerd” one of Aubrey’s friends spoke, one of which you didn’t care enough to know the name of “scram.”

You tried to ignore them, watching the door to see if Kel walked in already.

“Hey, I’m talking to you! Why are you even wearing a shirt like that? it’s summer! Are you that dumb that you forgot how seasons work?” She started tugging on the sleeve of your t-shirt as you immediately pulled away, stumbling back a bit.

God where is he?

“Y’know, you look a little hot… how about we roll those up for you?” Aubrey’s friend smirked, another few of them walking over as they started pulling on it, tugging up the sleeves before you could even try to fight back.

“No!-“

“Hah! Holy crap!” She laughed as she grabbed your arm, twirling it around to get a better view “You’re that desperate for someone to notice you, huh?” You tried to pull away, but her grip was too strong for your frail body.

Maybe I should’ve eaten kel’s sandwich..

“This is so sad, y’know, no matter how much you do crap like this no one’s gonna care.” You tried harder, attempting to pry her fingers off your wrist, but that only made her hold on tighter, earning a cry of pain from you “Well aren’t you pitiful, you can’t even get away no matter how hard you try, how weak have you gotten? You lost all your chub! Don’t tell me you’re starving yourself too—“

“That’s enough!”

You didn’t bother looking to see who it was, you already knew.

“Oh, it’s just you, nerd” she shoved your arm away as she walked back to the table, her other two friends purposely bumping you as they walked behind her. Kel sent them a glare, cussing them out as he placed a hand on your back.

“Come on, let’s go”

He sent a harsh glare towards Aubrey especially.

“Asshole.”

He guided you out of the door, leading you both to a secluded space behind all the stores, his hand still carefully placed on your back.

“But don’t you need to-“

“That can wait.”

Kel was being completely serious; you could tell by his tone of voice. You didn’t turn to look at him when you got to a quieter place, simply out of fear that he would be angry at you.

“Y/n”

You didn’t respond.

“Y/n, please”

You turned your head to the side only slightly as an indication that you would listen to him.

“Did they hurt you?”

You shook your head hesitantly.

“Did they?”

“…. Not much”

Your voice was barely audible, speaking in a whisper as Kel stepped closer to you, placing a hand on your shoulder as you jumped slightly. You heard him wince slightly as he glanced down at your arms, his hand tightening slightly on your shoulder as he looked away.

“I thought… we promised to always be there for each other” his voice was full of sadness “why won’t you let me be there for you?”

You stared down at the ground, breath hitched in your throat as you clenched and unclenched your fists, something you did when you were nervous.

“You listen to me all the time… you’ve helped me when I’ve gotten hurt… you’ve even seen me cry! Not even my mom has seen me cry!”

Your shoulders shook under his hand, trying to hold back your tears as Kel’s words only made you feel worse.

“Y/n… I haven’t seen you cry once in four years. That is not healthy.” He leaned in closer again, attempting to get himself into your field of view “you can’t just bottle up your emotions because it just leads to unhealthy habits… I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I just let you do these things to yourself”

He put his other hand on your shoulder, turning you to face him as his face contorted in pity at the sight of your erratic, heavy breathing, tears in your eyes as you tried with all your might to keep them at bay.

“Even now you won’t cry,” he squeezed your shoulders, moving his hands down to the sides of your arms “it’s okay. No one’s gonna judge you, no one’s gonna find you annoying and I won’t think any less of you,” you bit your lip and looked down at the ground, your entire body quivering “please, y/n, just let it out… I can’t bear to see you hurting any longer”

With those words, you let out a choked sob, your hands reaching up to cover your face as tears seeped through your fingers, hitting the ground like raindrops in a storm.

Kel placed a hand on the back of your head as he pulled you towards him, his own tears filling his eyes as he stroked your hair, his heart shattering at the sound of your desperate sobs.

“ ‘m sorry..!”

Your voice was muffled as he let you speak your mind.

“I’m sorry! I-I didn’t mean to h-hurt you! I just- I didn’t know how to d-deal with things and it felt like t-the only way ..!”

You hiccuped in between your sobs as Kel let his own tears fall, hiding is face in your hair.

“I- I couldn’t- fuck!”

Kel shushed you gently, pulling you closer to him as you only cried harder.

You two stood there for a while, his arms never shifting as your sobs slowly died down, not completely but enough so that Kel pulled you out of the embrace to look at you. Your hands were still covering your face as Kel pulled them away and when you finally looked up at him, eyes red and puffy, he gave you a gentle smile and wiped your remaining tears.

“Is it bad that I feel… good?” Your voice was hoarse as he shook his head in response, holding your hands tenderly.

“No! You’re allowed to be happy, y/n,” Kel was about to speak again before closing his mouth and thinking more about it.

“Listen…” he looked back up at you “what happened that day is absolutely not your fault. Neither was anything leading up to it. It’s okay for you to be happy, it’s okay for you to smile and it’s okay for you to move on”

You nodded your head, sniffling slightly as you tugged on his hands, pulling you closer to him as you placed a kiss on his cheek.

“Thank you… for that” he blushed and smiled bashfully “I- you see- I didn’t mean to- ugh!”

You groaned in frustration and kicked a rock by your shoe, sighing as you rethought your sentence.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about anything… and I’m sorry you found out this way,” you felt kel’s thumbs stroke your knuckles as you continued “I promise I was planning on telling you! But… I only told myself that I would do that if things ended up really serious,” you stared at your intertwined hands as Kel sent you a reassuring squeeze “I didn’t mean to worry you… it’s just the way I cope with things because I’d just feel so bad if I burdened you with any of it and with everything that happened with Mari I just- you’re probably so mad with me I’m sorry, I’m so sorry-“

“Whoa, y/n, breathe” Kel placed a hand on your jaw, lifting your face to look at him “I’m not mad, I could never be mad at you! I was just so worried because you just seemed so… out of it for the longest time and… I didn’t know what to do! I noticed things, but I didn’t say anything because I wanted you to come to me first… I noticed you losing weight, I noticed you throwing up at my house… fuck, I even noticed when you stole the blades from my razor! And I didn’t fucking say anything!”

Your heart sank. Were you really burdening him all this time even without knowing?

“Kel I’m sorry-“

“No! God, don’t apologise… I’m sorry,” his eyes watered as he blinked away his tears “im sorry I knew and didn’t say anything… I’m sorry you felt that you had to hide these things from me”

He brought you into another hug, letting out a heavy sigh as you breathed in his scent (which was not sweat, for once).

“Promise to tell me these things from now on, okay? Please?”

You nodded, noticing the way Kel buried his face in your hair.

“Oh yeah..” he pulled away from you and reached into his pocket “this is why I took so long, hah” he laughed nervously and handed you a pack of bandaids. You smiled up at him and he smiled back just as wide.

You’re so grateful to have someone like him.

At the hospital

“I have something to tell you”

Your heart sank, the hand holding kel’s tightening its grip as he squeezed back.

.

.

.

You felt sick. After hearing Sunny’s words there was only one word to describe how you felt. Sick.

“Y-you’re kidding, right? This is just a joke… right?” Kel’s voice trembled. You let go of his hand, crouching to the floor as your breathing quickened. Kel placed a hand on his head and started pacing the room, Aubrey starting to yell at Sunny and the beeping of the monitors only making you feel more panicked.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Kel… I need kel… I need him to… Kel…

Aubreys yells only got louder as tears streamed down your face, hero’s fist slamming against the wall as you yelped.

“Sunny… I think we need a moment.”

His voice filled you with fear. It reminded you of the day you received… the news- no, the fake news- of Mari’s suicide.

Sunny left the room. It was silent other than the beeping of basil’s heart monitor. You felt the need to throw up.

You pushed yourself off the floor and stumbled into the bathroom, emptying your stomach as Kel ran in after you and held up your hair. You could hear hero crying as you gripped the toilet seat, kel’s hand rubbing your back as he placed another on your shoulder. You heard him sniffling as he rested his head on your back. Turning to face him, you pulled his head to your chest as he cried into your shirt, your chest heaving with your own sobs.

.

.

.

.

.

You jumped as you heard the toilet flush behind you, suddenly seeing hero in your vision as he crouched down beside you, stroking his brother’s hair. Your breathing was still all over the place as hero placed a hand on your back, shifting his gaze to you.

“Breathe, y/n, with me” he helped you steady your breathing as you pulled Kel closer to you, his sobbing having stopped only a few minutes before Hero walked in. His arms tightened around you in response as you shifted to stand up.

“C’mon Kel… I…is it okay if I go home?” He looked up at you, eyes red and puffy as he stood up and offered a hand to you, gently pulling you to stand. His hand stayed intertwined with yours as he walked you out of the hospital and to your home, stopping at the door before you could go in.

Kel noticed your sad expression and tugged you closer to him, placing a kiss on your forehead.

“Can… can you stay?”

Your sweet voice filled his ears as he sadly smiled down at you.

“Of course”

You’re so grateful to have someone like him.

#kel x reader #omori x reader comfort #omori kel #Kel x reader comfort #omori fanfic #omori x reader #omori fandom #omori game

[frosty-the-killer-doll]

Caitlin snow headcannon list? /nf

oh autism

ACTIVATED

polyamorous biromantic sex-repulsed asexual! per my Arrowverse Polycule AU, Cait is currently in relationships with: Ronnie (married), Cisco (queerplatonically), Iris, Eddie, Felicity, Patty, Frost, Kara, Kate and E-2 Killer Frost. i may be forgetting some people

traumagenic mutahuman plurality, formally diagnosed with DID. does not see Frost as a sibling figure. Frost is her intra-system GIRLFRIEND thank you very much. khione is like a baby sister figure to her tho.

listen fuck canon with its body splitting shit, shut UPP, that never happened<3

still sees Dr. Finkel regularly

has depression and post-traumatic stress and occasional panic attacks

this is canon but said canon kinda sweeps it under the rug: post-Thomas pulling his bullshit, Caitlin was heavily neglected by Carla.

in a support groupchat with other Arrowverse systems like Frankie, Mona and Sam. this includes empty systems like Alice

freckles!!!!

thanks to Frost she is immune to the cold even when Frost isn't fronting AND before she was even aware of Frost's existence

she doesn't have a codename, which is fucking rude, but personally I headcanon that her codename is Crystal

her middle name is Louise

AUTISM!

on her own, she basically only watches horror movies, but only likes them if they're accurate anatomy-wise. she can and will write multiparagraph reviews on everything the death scenes got right vs everything the death scenes got wrong

former history of self-harm, med school was... very hard mentally

growing up, Carla always pressured and planned for Caitlin to pursue a career at Tannhauser Industries. eventually Caitlin stood up to her and they had a huge fight where a lot of childhood things were brought up, Caitlin said some stuff about Thomas, Carla hit her and Caitlin left. Rachel Rosso took Caitlin in and let her live with her and Ramsey for about four years after this. Ramsey was her brother figure and best friend before their fight over Rachel recommending Caitlin to STAR Labs instead of him. that's when Caitlin moved out into her current condo.

SHE was the one that asked Ronnie out, after pining away in awkward secrecy for so many moons. Ronnie moved in with her not long after and they lived in separate rooms bc they felt like it

(trigger warning for SA with this one) during the time she spent in captivity being held by Zoom, he repeatedly raped her and she didn't reveal it happened for a long time. thus she is also in a support groupchat for other Arrowverse survivors of SA

when she was arrested, Iris wrote a shitton of stories calling for her release

doesn't want kids

had a special interest in botany during her high school years. cough cough

likes Law And Order. cough cough

binging the Friday the 13th franchise is her guilty pleasure. cough cough

takes her coffee black with a blueberry flavor shot!!

she gets lipstick on her teef from her lip biting habit

TOTALLY had a crush on Bette Sans Souci and went on a date or two with Eliza Harmon

she canonically likes OITNB, and has a giant crush on Stella Carlin. she constantly tells Kate how much they look like her

still carries a blood collection kit in her purse, always

hates when her name gets misspelled. she will fight u

whereas her friends call her "Cait" and Frost calls her "Caity," Kate calls her "Lin"

grumpy that she doesn't have a Jitters drink named after her like EvErYoNe eLsE!!!! >:c

has a whole morning and nightly routine that must be followed that may or may not include complete pajama sets, sleepytime tea and fluffy slippers

kinda misses having a pet gorilla ngl

she never fucking DIED i'm PHYSICALLY FIGHTING CANON just like frost never DIED either okay. LISTEN KHIONE CAME TO EXISTENCE THROUGH DIFFERENT FUCKERY OKAY.

many more but again, this is so fucking long. if u want more headcanons abt the other members of the Snow System, just ask❤️

#frosty answers #snow posting #arrowverse polycule au #caitlin snow #the flash #cw the flash #the flash cw

[filthforfriends]

I created my tumblr as a platform to dump my writing and fan edits, but also as a place where I didn’t have to filter myself. My mental health is so fragile that when something happens to me everyone wants to go straight to fixing it and skip the “wow that sucks” stage. However I’ve learned that feeling my anger is important because for so long my mother filled up all that space emotionally. Here I I can rant and rage and not worry about concealing anything. People whose names I don’t know not only validated my experiences, but often share them or at least understand them in a way that comes with tremendous empathy. But for the first time I’ve paused and I’ve concealed and I’ve questioned whether or not I should post this.

My life is no longer garden variety sucky things took a really disturbing turn just after Christmas. But there are still a variety of reasons I want to post this, mainly I don’t know how to feel or react. Maybe someone else has endured something this violating and humiliating but shoved it way down and felt alone. God knows I share those actions.

If you click beyond this point you’re agreeing that you’re at least in your 20s, mentally stable, and understand that what follows is megafucked

My mom is a published author. I was discouraged from reading her work because it was as very “adult” but at age 15 I snuck a peak on a story that I realized it was not so loosely based on my brother. I know she wrote about her life experiences through the lens of her narcissism and called it fiction, but I thought that the much of her stories was still made up.

So I’m visiting family over the holidays and my cousin whom I haven’t talked to since 2015 could tell that a book my mom published in 2019 was very clearly about me and non-fiction. He said that he tried to read the book but “there was just something about it he didn’t like.” It gave me a strange feeling so I read the short story.

It was absolutely not fictionalized at all. The character had a different name but the story contained my exact medical information, exact dates reactions happened. Extremely specific descriptions of my medical issues, many of which were mental.

There’s no question I should have been taken to a child psychologist. By the age of four I’d developed panic disorder, OCD, attachment disorder, and suicidal tendencies. I was not a happy child I was in constant fear and my mom used every detail of this because my story was compelling. I really can’t stress enough that she changed nothing but my name.

She documented exactly what I said during panic attacks that ruined my life. She documented what I said after attempting to drown myself. When they brought me to a therapist she documented how I behaved in the sessions, what I said, what the therapist said. My mother takes a journal with her everywhere and journals in the morning and evening.

She took all these direct quotes and described my every trauma response and brush with death in the first five years of my life. Confidential, highly specific, private information and she got it published and distributed nationally. I helped her do press on that book because I didn’t know. Now all these people know the most intimate details of my excruciating childhood.

I can only assume she did the same with her last book which several of my high school teachers read because they were her graduate students. She wrote the recommendation letters that helped them get that teaching position. My mother is a respected tenured professor at the university in our city. I cannot exaggerate how trapped I feel right now.

Eden, that sucks but it isn’t disturbing. This is me giving you another chance to scroll.

I found out from reading this non fiction “fiction” about my childhood that I was molested. By my mother. She wrote about molesting me. I had no memory of this particular incidence but I do remember another one like it that I ignored by convincing myself it was an accident. So I know that just like everything else in that story, the molestation did happen. I’ve showed it to a social worker and my therapist who both agree what the scene described.

Absolutely horrifying right? Yeah, especially because it’s on the third page. Especially because she gave this book to every member of my large extended family for Christmas. I can’t believe she allowed me to devote hours to publicity for this book. I got her in a Buzzfeed article. I must look like a imbecile to anyone that attends readings and signing who have read the book themselves.

My working theory is that my mother was just doing to me what was done to her by multiple men in her childhood. I don’t think she was attracted to me as a child. Because of her narcissism she didn’t consider how I might be affected from these experiments. Of course she hasn’t acknowledged what happened on any level. The scene is phrased as if I wanted what was happening to be which of course I didn’t because I was four.

I think poorly concealing it in a story was some sort of absolution. If people read it and didn’t call her out that would mean she did nothing wrong. Every mental health physician has suspected molestation even after I insisted it didn’t happen. They only asked about the men in my life, but never my mother.

I don’t know how to feel or act or change as a person or think about it or treat it. Has this dictated everything about my relationship with sex? Has it dictated nothing about my relationship with sex? How do I move forward?

#tw: sa #tw: mental health #tw: child abuse #tw: sui mention

[whispers-of-gallifrey]

Side of my brain panicking about the future vs side of my brain panicking about not living to see the future fight!

#tw death #this post brought to you by the panic attack i had this morning about everyone i love dying and it being my fault #and the panic attack i had 10 minutes ago about failing second year when i dont even start till next week #i mean ive always had panic attacks thinking about the future so thats nothing new bc theres so much uncertainty #i wish i could have a step by step breakdown of everything bc then i could actually do stuff #like all of my lectures are pre recorded and released every monday so keeping ontop of them is gonna be hell #like its hard enough to remember to do the reading for things but the lectures too??? i have to chose my own 2hr timeslots in which to watch #them???? #2nd is gonna be hard and it actuallt counts so im probably gonna get a third and the amount of work i put into getting a first last year is #meaningless so why did i even bother trying and crying so much about everything i did #i wish i could get a diagnosis for something bc somethjngs not normal about me and i want to be able to focus and work normally and i cant #ive always been a high achieving student which sounds like a really stupid thing to complain about like oh no i got another a* how horrifyin #but i have such a huge fear of failure and an inability to start a task unless i know precisely what to do bc i dont want to get it wrong #and uni is so hard for that bc the only time you get feedback is when they grade your work and thats your final grade #whereas at school all your work was practice for the final exams so you could improve #but uni theyll give you your mark and a comment like oh you should have included x #and like that would be good for future reference except im not doing that topic again so whats the point #okay i guess my panic attack is still going rip #sorry for rambling i just need to speak this into the void

[anniesocsandgeneralstore]

If I Go, I'm Goin' Crazy - Part 2 (Rick Flag x OC)

Summary: When Waller and the US government will do anything to cover up their mistakes, Delphia Holman takes matters into her own hands. That information will get out - and the love of her life will live to tell about it.

Pairing: Rick Flag x OC (Delphia Holman)

Word Count: 7776

Warnings: spoilers for The Suicide Squad, major fluff, panic attack/stress symptoms, blood/injury mention, Rick Flag being a softy once again, language

Timeline: July 2021 (5 years after the first part posted)

if i go masterlist

Five more years, over 100 successful missions, and Task Force X was still going strong. Five more years, one night blissfully spent together turned into multiple in a row, one move in, and Delphia Holman and Rick Flag were still together. Of course, everyone in control had taken a bet on whether or not it would happen eventually, and Economos raked in the cash when Holman casually dropped that she couldn’t work late due to dinner plans with Flag.

And while everyone else poked fun and made Delphia seriously blush — Amanda Waller took note of this relationship development quietly. Stored the information in the back of her mind to use later. It didn’t need to be brought up unless truly necessary. Unless one of them truly stepped out of line. Leverage.

Waller had to guess that Flag knew about Delphia’s abilities. Just by the way they seemed attached at the hip these days. But also by the way he would graze far too close to death and somehow make it out alive. Like he knew something beforehand. She would let it slide for now. Keeping Flag alive was turning missions set to fail into major success. Besides, in spite of Amanda Waller’s uncompromising and cold exterior, she had a soft spot for her assistant. A small one, but at least a soft spot. One that she feared more than any gun pointed to her head.

It was early morning. So early the sun hadn’t even peeked its shining head over the horizon yet, the world still enclosed in darkness and sleep. But Delphia was blearily awake. Eyes only half open.

Her sleep had been unrestful, plagued with half visions of the future. The future of the mission Rick was about to depart for in only a few hours. It was a violent one. Full of death and destruction and things that no one had ever seen before. These visions made it impossible to rest, so instead she rested her chin on Rick’s belly and watched him slumber instead.

In the darkness, fast asleep, he looked so peaceful. Younger even. One arm thrown up onto his pillow and the other gently laid across her back. Her eyes trailed across the tattoos on his upper arms, up to the sharp line of his jaw, down across his collarbone. His hair was messy and he breathed deeply and she felt so entirely in love with him it was insane. Her mind wasn’t thinking about anything, and before Rick, this meant that she would accidentally slip into visions of the future. Seeing things she didn’t want to. Making it impossible for her to relax and just have a quiet moment to herself, always having to have her mind occupied just in case. But with him — with him she could think of nothing at all and stay right there in the present. Enjoying the moment for the first time in her life.

“You watchin’ me sleep?” Rick spoke groggily as his hand came up to smooth over her hair.

She focused back on his face and smiled softly. Hazel eyes barely focused, he was blinking down at her, a lopsided grin stretching his lips. His hand felt so warm as it settled on the back of her neck, massaging softly. Delphia curled up into him even more on instinct. Wanting to be as close to him as she could get.

“Yeah,” she admitted.

“Couldn’t sleep?” He tried to blink away the sleepiness from his eyes, free hand coming down to run over his face.

“Yeah.” Delphia pulled a hand out from under her chin and began tracing her fingers over his chest. “Couldn’t shut my Sight off.”

“Hm — I’m sorry, baby,” he whispered, giving her red hair a soft tug, “Come here.”

She grinned as she pulled herself up and rested her cheek against his chest, legs straddling his thick waist. Rick wrapped his arms around her shoulders. His lips grazed her scalp and she let out a soft sound, almost like a purr, that made Rick chuckle. Deep and reverberating right into Delphia’s chest and it somehow made her feel so warm and at home and good.

“Listen to my heart,” Rick whispered against her hair, placing one hand on her head and holding her to his chest, “Listen to the beat of it.”

Delphia practically melted into him, joined with him as one, as she focused on the steady beat of his heart. It rattled around inside her skull until there was nothing else to think about. Until her mind was so preoccupied with the sound that she couldn’t possibly get lost in visions of the future. She hummed again as the feeling washed over her. Of being completely present, completely held, and completely loved.

There it was. Sleep was finally beginning to wash over her. It was peaceful and beautiful and in the arms of the one she loved it was nearly like drowning in sunlight.

But before she could fall into it completely, a phone somewhere across the room began to ring.

Rick groaned at the sudden, loud noise. Holding onto Delphia a bit tighter so she wouldn’t try to get up and answer it. Though tried as she might to wiggle herself away from him. Most definitely fully awake now.

“Rick,” she grumbled against his chest as she tried to get up, “It’s my work phone! I gotta answer it!”

He sighed in defeat and released her.

Delphia practically leapt from the bed and across the room to the phone still ringing loudly atop their chest of drawers. She caught it just in time, pressing the button to answer and putting it to her ear.

“This is Holman,” she answered as professionally as she could with early morning grog still in her voice and breath heavy.

“I need you at Belle Reve in thirty.” Waller sounded wide awake at this hour.

“Any particular reason?” Delphia asked as she flicked on the lights to their closet and began searching for clothes.

“Change of plans — we’re adding Peacemaker to the team.” This made Delphia pause as she reached for a blouse. “I need you to run the mission again.”

“But — “ She glanced back to the bed, Rick was sitting up — paying attention to the conversation with a furrowed brow. “But they leave in a few hours.”

“Don’t care,” Waller deadpanned, “Just get your ass over here.”

And with that, she hung up. Delphia stared down at her phone for a moment, unsure what Waller’s plan was in adding Peacemaker to the team. But her expression dropped when she did, in fact, figure it out. Peacemaker followed orders to a fault. His moral compass was wavering. An action by the government could cross a line but if he wasn’t told to stop it or say anything about it, he wouldn’t. He would do anything you told him to as long as you told him it was for the betterment of the world and would bring peace and freedom for all. And he would kill anyone in order to see it done.

Unlike Rick Flag.

Who for so long had served his country dutifully, who’s moral compass only reached a certain point. Only in the face of the truly diabolical. For so long, he had gone around the world cleaning up the messes of men far more powerful than himself. And Waller could tell that he was getting tired of it. Tired of this life. Tired of fighting. Tired of following orders that made him feel hollow inside. So she was finding his replacement.

But surely she wouldn’t kick him off the team? He was a leader. Someone many members of Task Force X trusted and actually obeyed the orders of. No. She wouldn’t do that. But then Delphia thought back to the countless times Waller had made her look into the future of the mission. Operation Jotunheim. In the end, Rick would go with his conscience and steal a tape full of information about the American government’s involvement with Project Starfish. The mission would end in success by all accounts, but the US would be exposed for horrific crimes.

Which was not Waller’s endgame. She wanted all traces of Project Starfish wiped from the face of the Earth. Just thinking about it made Delphia’s stomach twist uncomfortably.

Peacemaker was Waller’s backup plan to make sure that tape was destroyed.

Oh, God.

“Dee, what’s going on?” Rick called from the bed.

“Er — uh — “ She quickly put the phone down on a shelf in the closet and pulled out a shirt. “Last minute adjustment to the team, I guess. Waller wants me to come in and take a look.”

“Anything I should worry about?” he asked as he watched her rush through the buttons on her blouse to get it on.

“P-Possibly.” She shoved on a pair of dress pants and some flats. “I’ll find you before you leave.”

Delphia threw on a blazer then hurried over to the bathroom to finish getting ready. While she brushed her teeth, Rick came in behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. He gave her neck a kiss and breathed deep the scent of her. He smiled against her pulse as her free hand wrapped around his forearm.

“I love you,” he whispered.

She struggled to reply around her toothpaste, “I love you, too.”

Delphia pulled herself from her vision of the future, eyes refocusing on Waller’s office, with a gasp and tears streaming down her face.

No, no, no, no.

“Is the mission successful?” Waller asked calmly, eyes dully taking in her assistant.

“Y-Yes,” Delphia stuttered through her tears, “B-But — “

“No buts,” Waller said, “Is any trace of Project Starfish destroyed?”

Delphia barely choked out a whisper, “Yes.”

“Good. You’re dismissed.”

It took everything in Delphia’s power to not sprint from the room. She got up from her chair calmly, trying to get control over her breathing and her tears. But as soon as she was out in the hallway she was jogging in the direction of the prisoner prep rooms. Rick would be waiting there to escort the newest Task Force X member and she needed to get to him.

She couldn’t stop seeing it. Couldn’t stop the milky whiteness overtaking her vision as she ran through the hallways and bumped into people as she went. She tried to blink the white away, tried to stay in the moment, but her brain was going faster than her rational thoughts could process. It was making it hard to breathe, hard to swallow, hard to hear. All she could see was blood and bathroom tiles and dead hazel eyes staring up at her.

And there he was. Standing in the hallway at the end of prisoner prep, leaning back against the wall, waiting for the mission to start. He smiled when he spotted her, picking himself up from the wall. But then he saw her face. Buckled in fright and worry, tear stains on her red cheeks, and blue eyes constantly flickering between normal and white.

“Rick,” she muttered, fresh tears bubbling out of her as she leaned her hand against the wall.

As a man of action, he quickly pulled her into the supply closet across the hall and locked it from the inside. But once inside the dark space, Delphia burst. Seeing him only made it worse. The milky whiteness overtook her and she was right back in Jotunheim. Unable to do anything but watch as Peacemaker jammed that bathroom tile into Rick’s heart. She gasped for breath. Her lungs wouldn’t fill with enough air. She felt like a fish out of water as she reached out and grabbed Rick’s tactical vest to keep herself upright. Oh, God, there he was. Lying on his back, dead eyes staring up at the ceiling, tile sticking out of his chest. Peacemaker had left but she couldn’t stop looking at him.

This was his future.

“Dee! Delphia!” In the back of her mind, she could hear Rick calling her name as quietly as he could.

She felt hands grab her shoulders. Something hard against her cheek. Then a hand on the back of her neck, massaging gently.

“Dee — listen to my heart,” Rick spoke softly against the shell of her ear, “Listen to the beat of it.”

In the future, she tore her eyes away from his body on the floor. She could hear it. Softly, in the distance. Like a familiar beat of drums that called her home. White overtook her vision again and she was in a dark closet, vision blurred on the edges with tears. Her breathing was slowing, still rapid. But the only thing she could hear was Rick’s heart, still alive and beating in her ear. It moved around her skull until there was nothing left except his arms holding her tight and the fact that right here, right now, he was still alive.

And that there was something she could do about it.

“Rick,” she whimpered.

“You saw it again — didn’t you?” he guessed quietly, thumb moving gently against her waist.

Delphia nodded.

She had seen his death countless times — in dozens of different ways. Gunshot wounds. Falls. Beatings. Crushes. Stabbings. But no matter how many times she saw it she was never prepared the next time it came around. It never ceased to bring a panic from deep inside her, like a well overflowing until she could feel nothing else. To see the one that you love die in so many different ways, so many different times — it was torture. Unbareable and painful and otherwordly. How had her ancestors dealt with this? How had they lived entire lives seeing the deaths of everyone that they ever cared about and not said a word of complaint to the aliens above who did this to them? Delphia cursed them nearly every single day.

This time, however, this vision felt different. It felt final and inexorable. That no matter what she did this was going to occur. There was no stopping it. It was meant to be.

No. Nothing was meant to be. The future is not set in stone.

“Can you show me?” he asked gently into the top of her head.

It took everything inside her to pull herself away from him — to stop listening to the reassuring beat of his heart. She looked into his face, pinched in concern and cast in dark shadow that made his eyes look sunken in. Squeezing her eyes shut a few more tears fell that were quickly wiped away by hands much larger than her own. Then she reached up, pressing her thumbs into his temples and wrapping her hands around his head. He was sweating just a bit. Rick always hated this part, but it needed to be done in order to save his life.

Rick Flag was the only person in her entire life she was able to take with her into her visions of the future. They had been messing around one night — her looking into the future while Rick tried to guess what she was looking at. A game they played often. But one night Rick suggested, as a joke, that she needed to connect to his mind in order for him to guess right. Delphia obliged and grabbed ahold of his head, concentrating as hard as she could on Rick, to play along, as she looked into a random future. But when she unfocused, came out of the milkey whiteness, Rick was standing right there with her. Confused as hell and screaming. They had stayed up the entire night after that — going around the world together ten years from now.

Delphia took a calming breath and thought about the coming mission again. Corto Maltese. Jotunheim. Starro. She felt her eyes and mind unfocus — heard Rick take in a sharp breath. The dark supply closet became blurred and was suddenly gone. Replaced by a milky white that faded to reveal a different scene entirely.

She tried to show him what was only truly important for his survival. Rick felt that it was unfair when she showed him too much of the missions that he went on, saying that it gave him an advantage over his teammates. So she dropped them into a vision of just the very end of the assignment. Right when he’s pulling the tape out of Thinker’s computer.

Out of the corner of her eye, Delphia saw Rick looking around the room in disgust. So this was Project Starfish. The first time Delphia saw it, she had thrown up. But right now she couldn’t even care to look at it. All she could focus on was Rick, future Rick, all bloodied and bruised and pissed off that the government had used him once again. She grabbed hold of present Rick’s hand and forced him to pay attention when Peacemaker came with his gun pointed at his head.

Then as the building fell on top of them. Then as the two of them tried to kill one another over the tape. And finally, Delphia and Rick watched, as Peacemaker jammed a piece of bathroom tile right into Rick’s heart. Delphia felt him flinch as he watched, eyes observant, and he gripped her hand just a little bit tighter. That was enough.

She pulled them both back to the present and into that closet.

Rick took a shuddering breath and squeezed her waist. “Well, that was…Reassuring.”

“Please, just — “ Her hands slipped down his face to feel the rough stubble of his cheeks. “Please come back to me.”

“You know I always do, baby,” he whispered.

Nudging his nose with her’s, he drew her into a kiss. Soft, gentle, reassuring, saying so much more than either of them ever could. Delphia desperately clung to his shoulders and neck. His grip on her waist was a vice. Their lips crushed against one another. Fingers dug into flesh — sure to leave bruises. But it didn’t matter.

It didn’t matter, it didn’t matter, it didn’t matter. Because to be held like this, hard and truthful and loving, it was like escaping death. Over, and over, and over again.

“You told Flag about his death?” Waller questioned.

Delphia sat across from her in her office, stone faced and hands clasped lightly in her lap. “No.”

“You’re a shit liar, Holman.” Waller stared across the desk at her with a dead expression. “I know you’ve been doing it for years now. It’s been to my favor thus far so there’s been no need to confront you. But this mission is far too important.”

“But he’s important to me.”

“I don’t care.” Waller got up from her desk and moved to the door. “You’ve compromised the mission so you’re off the case. Congratulations — you’re on desk duty.”

“Wait, what?” Delphia asked, getting up from her chair and looking back at Waller with a wounded expression.

She needed to be in the control room. Waller always wanted her in the control room. Especially for when things got dicey. She would give Delphia a signal and she would look into the future by only a few minutes, letting her know the outcome before it even happened. But Delphia also wanted to know what was going on as it was happening. Wanted to know if her visions came true or not. To know if Rick was okay or not.

“I want you at your desk for the next few days. If I see you anywhere near the control room, Holman, I swear to God — I will not hesitate to put a power dampening collar on you.”

Waller slammed the door shut behind her. And through tears, Delphia put a hand to her neck. She had one of those on before. Back when she had very little control of her powers and would get stuck in the future. It was the only way to get her back. But the collar was heavy, demoralizing, and made her feel wholly unlike herself. And she knew that if she didn’t do what Waller said pretty soon she would start making poorly veiled threats towards her elderly adoptive parents — or worse, Rick.

So Delphia retreated to her desk like a kicked dog. Tail between her legs and tears building in her eyes. And as she sat down, she could already feel her heartrate picking up. The slight shake of her hands. Her stomach twisting and turning on itself. Taking a calming breath, she thought it best to dive into her work. Catch up on reports and adjust Waller’s busy schedule. There was nothing she could do now. It was all out of her hands. And even if she couldn’t watch the monitors like a hawk or listen in on comms, she knew that Rick was going to be okay.

At least for now.

But about two hours later she was out of work to do and that anxious feeling was rising in her stomach again. Filling her mouth with bile and making it difficult not to turn her Sight off. And Delphia supposed that one little check in wouldn’t hurt.

She thought about who Rick Flag was. After all these years in the military he still wasn’t a morning person. Giving of himself, of his time, his money, his kindness. Very good at putting together IKEA furniture. Always had to have a hand on her — especially in public. Light, goodness, stubborn, kept the apartment clean, liked to be the little spoon sometimes.

Her eyes unfocused and she was in a jungle. A jungle of Corto Maltese only a few minutes from now. It was dark, the night sounds of the tropical forest buzzed loudly in her ears. She was at the edge of the freedom fighter’s camp, which was alight with lanterns and campfires. There was soft Latin music coming from a crackling radio and a small group of people were laughing. It was safe here. And it didn’t take her long to find Rick. Her Sight had dumped her right next to the tent Soria would put him in to patch him up and let him rest.

She moved inside the tent and there he was — or would be in a few minutes — laying down on a cot asleep. He would be cleaned up, his wounds tended to, and then the freedom fighters would leave him alone to sleep until they could figure out what to do with an American soldier. Delphia breathed deep as she took in the sight of him. White bandages covered his shoulder and side. But other than that he looked okay. She moved further inside the tent and knelt down at his side. More than anything, she wanted to be there with him. To heal his wounds and hold him and tell him that everything was going to be okay. But Rick would’ve rather died then allow her to come on a mission. So this would have to do.

With every near death experience, Delphia always was able to give some tip about what he could do to avoid it. Don’t stand right there. That guy has a knife. Get behind this cover. But this time was different. There was no advice or warning she could give that would just make his death not happen. He had already seen the atrocities that the American government had done and were making him cover up. The limit of his moral compass had been reached. And she could tell he was tired — so very tired of fighting for something he wasn’t entirely sure he believed in anymore. He was still going to try and take that tape. She just knew he was. That was who Rick Flag was. Which was why it seemed so inevitable. Which was why it felt like her heart was trying to jump out of her throat — either that or she was about to scream at the top of her lungs.

Never had she felt so helpless in the face of a future she had seen. Never before had she felt like this was the last time she would ever be with him.

“Dee,” Rick whispered and she jumped at the sound, looking down at him with raised brows, “I’m gonna be okay — I love you, baby.”

His eyes were open. It looked like he was looking right at her. He couldn’t see her, but he knew she would be watching. Tears fell down her cheeks as she reached out and touched his face. She couldn’t feel him, and he definitely wouldn’t be able to feel her. But that was okay.

This was enough.

Three days.

Everyone around the office could tell that Delphia was miserable. She barely talked to anyone. She wasn’t in the control room with the rest of them like she usually was. She looked pale (sometimes green), with bags under her eyes and a permanent frown pulling on her lips. Economos wondered to the rest of the team if her and Flag had broken up. Crawley and Harcourt immediately rejected this idea, having been secretly rooting for the two of them for years. But Waller quickly shut down any more conversation about it. Which ultimately led the team to assume that whatever Delphia was upset about, it had to do with Waller and this mission.

But the mission was about to end. On it’s last hours, Delphia was still sitting behind her desk outside Waller’s office. She was working furiously. Anything to keep her mind distracted and focused on what her hands needed to get done. Anything to keep herself from slipping into a future she so desperately wanted to see, and at the same time wanted to avoid at all costs. She wanted to know if he was alive, if he made it. But she feared that if she looked in on him again she would break down completely. Or worse, be unable to pull herself back out — paralyzed by the fear that this could be the last she saw of him.

As she typed away, finishing a speech Waller didn’t have to give for another month, the boss herself came into the room holding an ice pack to the back of her head and a scowl etched into her face.

“What happened?” Delphia asked as she watched Waller stalk over to her office.

“Wouldn’t you know?” Waller questioned back before yanking her office door open and stepping inside.

Delphia grinned only slightly. Yeah. She did know. But had chosen not to share that information with Waller.

Through the open door, Delphia could see that Waller was taking a phone call. What call could be so important that she had to come all the way back to her office to take it? Delphia quickly picked up her own phone and listened in on the other line.

“And that’s only a taste of what’s on that drive. I’ve uploaded it all to a secure server.” That was Robert DuBois’ voice. Delphia furrowed her brow as she tried not to act suspicious. “Now, if you kill any one of us, or my daughter ever sees the inside of a prison, it goes public. If we all go free, plus Flag and his girl get to retire — it never has to see the light of day.”

“I told you I’d make you a leader, DuBois,” Waller replied, “You got a deal.”

Delphia quickly slammed the phone back down on the receiver and stared at it for a long time. Her mind racing. Flag and his girl? Retire? Rick was alive?

“I’m assuming you heard that, Holman,” Waller called from her office.

“Yeah,” Delphia said, only daring to glance towards her boss’s office.

“I’ll send the paperwork to your email tomorrow. But for now — get the fuck out. I genuinly never wanna see you again.”

Delphia didn’t have to be told twice. But she also heard, underneath the stone-cold and muted hostility, the care that was in Waller’s voice. I don’t wanna see you again — I don’t wanna see you locked up like your mother was. It made Delphia smile as she looked back at Waller’s office. Fourteen years of her life were spent working with Waller. Most of them were miserable and difficult, but professionally it had been all she had ever known. And Waller, despite her faults, had been a good boss.

It was as if, suddenly — as she grabbed her purse and strutted out the door never to return — the world was so much wider than it had ever been before. She was no longer at Waller’s every beck and call. She could follow any career path she wanted. Which was something she hadn’t thought about since she was a small child. She would never return to the place of death where she was born. She could move away from Louisiana if she wanted. If Rick wanted.

Oh, my God — Rick.

What were once potential screams of agony were turning to shouts of joy as she moved through the bowels of Belle Reve. Ashes to fresh water. Death to life.

Rick was alive. And they were free. Free to go wherever they wanted, no longer bound to ARGUS and its master plan. They could actually, physically go to all those places they only saw in her visions. Free to be whatever they wanted. Rick had always been a military man, just like his father. But he also dreamed about starting a family, owning a house with the nice fenced in yard. And Delphia, well — she could finally start dreaming about what her future could look like instead of knowing what it entailed.

Her own future was no longer set in stone.

It took several hours for Task Force X to arrive back at Belle Reve from Corto Maltese. They flew in by helicopter and then were driven from the airfield to the penitentiary where they all were immediately carted to the clinic to be treated for their various wounds.

Rick Flag was probably the worst for wear out of all of them. Major concussion. Deep stab wound on his right side. Bruises on about 30% of his body. A cut above his eye. Broken rib. A knocked out tooth. But other than that he was alive, and breathing, and there wasn’t a bathroom tile sticking out of his chest and that was enough for Delphia. That was enough for a lifetime.

“Hey Holman,” Dr. Fitzgibbon came up to her in the hallway outside the clinic with a sigh and a clipboard, “I know it’s against protocol because you’re not his spouse or anything — but I really don’t give a fuck. So here’s Flag’s personal effects. He should be out in a few minutes.”

He handed her a baggy full of an assortment of items, mainly two side arms, shoulder holster, a pocket knife, and a torn up yellow shirt. She asked as she set it in her lap, “How is he?”

“He’s fine,” Dr. Fitzgibbon sighed, “Should take it easy for a few days — I know he won’t. But apparently he’s not my problem anymore, so — “

Fitzgibbon tossed up his hands, turned, and walked back inside the clinic. Delphia breathed deeply as she watched him go. He really was the most aggravating man.

She could see through the window that Rick was sitting up on one of the observation tables, a nurse cleaning up the cut on his face. He was deep in conversation with Robert DuBois. Brow furrowed and left hand gesturing widely. All that remained of Task Force X was inside the clinic as well. Harley Quinn, Ratcatcher 2, Polka-Dot Man, and Nanaue. They all looked exhausted. Especially Ratcatcher.

But Delphia couldn’t focus on them for too long, her eyes kept drifting back to Rick. Who, once he noticed she was just on the other side of the glass, kept looking over at her with increasing frequency while still talking with DuBois. She smiled at him, a lopsided grin that made her cheeks hurt. DuBois seemed to notice his lost interest and looked out the window with an irritated expression. He then nodded his head at Delphia and Rick nodded with a smile.

Oh. They were talking about her now.

She looked away from them blushing, down to the plastic bag in her lap. For personal effects, they didn’t seem very personal. Two sidearms, ones that weren’t even his. His father’s pocket knife that he took with him on every mission. A disgusting and nearly ripped to shreds yellow shirt that she had no idea where he got it from. Delphia shifted the items around carefully, trying to see if there was anything else inside. And that was when she spotted a small, blue, velvet box — speckled by dirt and blood.

Her gut reaction was to snap her head up and look at Rick through the window. But he was distracted by Harley, who had bounced right back from the mission and seemed as jovial as ever. He, DuBois, and Harley were now chatting and laughing together. Delphia looked back at the little velvet box and swallowed hard. An overwhelming joy settled deep inside her bones as she felt the shape of it through the plastic.

How long had he been carrying it around? When was he planning on asking?

Delphia had been expecting this. Rick had not been so subtle — especially when he outright asked her if she had ever seen any rings she liked. They had talked about marriage before. Rick was a traditional man, when he loved somebody he was going to show it and he was going to show it in the way he felt was right. But with the mission and everything that had been going on, she had completely forgotten.

Tears blurred the edges of her vision as she continued to look at the box. Tears of a sudden and complete joy.

But then Rick’s gentle, tired voice called her away softly, “Dee?”

He was standing outside the clinic doors. A fresh t-shirt and Army issue sweats on. His smile was light and affectionate as he watched her get up from her seat quickly and cross the hall towards him. Delphia, without even thinking, put her hands on his waist and pressed her forehead into his chest. Right where that tile would have been. The tears welled up and stained his shirt. She could hear his heart beating as he wrapped her up in his arms.

“I — I…” She tried to find some words, any words to describe what she felt in that moment.

Thankful. Relieved. Terrified. Whole. Scared. Warm. In love. Loved.

But Rick seemed to understand. “I know.”

“Come on.” Delphia pulled herself away, with some effort, and grabbed ahold of his hand. “Let’s go home.”

“Please,” he sighed, shoulders visibly sagging as he allowed her to lead him down the hall.

They were quiet as they walked through Belle Reve one final time. Out to the parking lot where, so many nights after a mission, they nearly kissed. It was midafternoon. The Louisiana sun was blazing hot and the air was thick with moisture. It nearly made it hard to breathe. The marshlands surrounding the penitentiary were alive with animal sounds. Frogs croaking, cranes calling to one another, summer bugs buzzing as one. But once they were inside Delphia’s car, all the noise stopped. Rick had to lower himself down into his seat slowly, his tired body screaming at him to just stop. And once he was fully seated he huffed and leaned his head back against the seat, eyes closing only briefly.

Delphia started the car and began the thirty minute drive back to their apartment.

“How did you do it?” she asked.

Rick groaned as he reached over and put his hand on her thigh. Making it very hard for her to concentrate on driving. He squeezed her flesh gently as he began, “I made a plan with Cleo and DuBois. Told them about you and what you saw. Once I had the tape and Peacemaker came in — we took him down together.”

“What happened to showing it to the press?”

“DuBois had the better idea of usin’ it as a bargaining chip to get us all free.”

“And is that what you wanted?” She glanced over at his tired face and couldn’t help the smile tugging at her lips. “To be free?”

“I don’t think it’s settled in yet,” he sighed, “But if it means we get to be together and we get to be happy — then, yeah. It’s what I want.”

Delphia grinned now as she took up his hand from her thigh and pressed it to her lips. Kissing each knuckle, every cut and bruise, as her eyes remained focused on the road.

“I love you, Rick Flag,” she spoke into his flesh.

“I love you, too, Dee.” He was smiling when she looked over at him. “So much. Forever.”

Rick Flag’s apartment had changed so much in five years. For one thing, it was no longer just his apartment. Both of their names were on the lease now. It was no longer bare bones and necessities only. There were curtains, and party dishes, art on the walls, pictures on the mantle, vases and plants, throw pillows and quilts. Evidence that he lived there. That they had made a life there — together. Her parents Christmas card was still on the counter and a photo album of their trip to the beach last year was on the coffee table. There were mugs in the sink and socks on the floor. And it was messy and beautiful and personal and home.

Delphia came inside first. Unlocking the door and helping Rick back to the bedroom. He immediately kicked off the clinic slippers he’d been wearing and practically fell down onto the bed. Delphia chuckled as she watched him gather one of the throw pillows into his arms and tuck it into his chest. He really was tired.

“Do you wanna just sleep in that, babe?” she asked as she set the baggy full of personal effects down on the chest of drawers.

He only groaned in response.

“Okay,” she chuckled lightly, “Do you need anything before you go to sleep then?”

She took the guns out of the baggy carefully, made sure the safeties were on, and put them away in Rick’s gun safe. The shirt she threw in the dirty laundry, unsure what else to do with it. The pocketknife was left respectfully on the chest of drawers, by his father’s Purple Heart. Then all that was left was that little velvet box. What on earth was she supposed to do with that?

“Hm — you, baby,” Rick called from the bed, “Need you.”

Smiling from ear to ear, she turned to look at him for a moment. Curled up on the bed with comfy sweats, one arm stretched out across the comforter like he was reaching towards her. Hazel eyes barely open and hair messy. Oh, yes. Anytime. Anywhere. Any future. She was his, and he was hers.

But his eyes widened when he saw the box still in her hands.

Her brows furrowed in confusion, until she too realized that she still held it delicately in her fingers.

“Oh, God.” She quickly hid it behind her back, unsure how that was going to help. “I’m sorry — I didn’t mean to — I can put it back!”

Rick struggled to roll onto his back and sit up slightly in bed. Tossing the throw pillow onto the floor. Then he patted the spot next to him softly. “Come ‘ere.”

Taking a deep breath, Delphia climbed onto the bed and sat down in the spot beside him. Rick wrapped one arm around her hip, giving it a reassuring squeeze, while the other took hold of the hand not gripping the velvet box for dear life.

“Is this what you want?” he asked softly, looking up into her face like she was the very stars in the sky.

“Always,” was her reply, “You are the only thing in my life that I’ve ever gotten to choose. I choose you every time.”

Rick smiled. A beautiful thing that tried to hide the tears that had built in his hazel eyes. Then he gently pulled the blue box from her hand.

He took a nervous breath. “Oh, God — I’ve been carryin’ this thing around for six months, you know?”

“Oh.” Delphia’s heart melted just a little bit more. “That’s a long time.”

“I just — no time ever felt right or perfect — “

“Trust me, I know there’s no perfect time for anything.” She reached out and touched his cheek, his stumble was a bit longer than the last time she saw him, his skin a bit tanner. “But right now — right now seems pretty damn good.”

Rick smiled again and opened the box. Delphia didn’t even look inside it. Blue eyes, present and focused, remained on his face.

“Dee, baby girl — will you marry me?”

“Yes.”

Delphia was certain what propelled her. What electricity coursed through her veins to make her crash into the man laying before her. She surged into him like the tide to the shore and embraced him with a searing kiss. She kissed him long and sweet and powerful. One of those kisses that felt like it was being hot ironed into her very soul. His strong arms circled around her waist and pulled her on top of him. Her fingers tangled into his hair. It was slow and warm and yearning and nothing else mattered because she was marrying Rick Flag.

When the kiss finally broke, Rick took the ring from the box and slipped it onto her finger. It was beautiful. And she smiled when she remembered that it was one of the rings she had sent him a link to some six months ago. It was a delicate ring with a champagne diamond center, haloed by smaller diamonds in an art deco design. It was perfect.

“You’re stuck with me now, Flag.” She smiled against his lips.

“Not stuck,” he muttered back with a shake of his head, “Not if it’s you. I’d choose you every time.”

Delphia smiled, girlish and blushing, as she borrowed her face into his neck. The world was wider and more beautiful and held in her arms. She could feel his heart beating against her ear, his blood pulsating against her temple as she snuggled deeper into him. What futures possibly awaited them? She couldn’t wait to meet them — not in a vision — but as they came.

There was a knock at the door.

Delphia mumbled into Rick’s neck, “Who the hell is that?”

“Er — yeah, I know who it is.” He squeezed her waist to signal her to get up.

She rolled off of him with a furrowed brow. “Who?”

“Well, I — uh — “ He got up from the bed with a moan and a hand to his side. “Was gonna tell ya in the car. But then I forgot.”

“Forgot what?”

Rick was going towards the door and Delphia followed curiously. Before they got to the door however, Rick turned and stopped them both with a guilty expression on his face.

“I — I kinda invited the rest of the team to stay at our place.” When her eyes widened he held up his hands in defense. “At least for one night. Come on, Dee, they saved my life.”

All Delphia really wanted to do was fuck her fiancé senseless and then sleep for the next forty-eight hours. But he was looking at her with such kindness and earnestness. He really just wanted to help out his friends. And who was she to deny him that privilege? Who was she to say no when she knew that if she opened her door to these criminals she genuinly would feel better for it?

So she relented with a sigh and a gesture towards the door for him to open it.

Rick smiled and gave her a quick kiss of gratitude.

On the other side of their door stood Robert DuBois with a dufflebag over his shoulder. And behind him was the rest of the team. Cleo Cazo with Sebastian on her shoulder looking sleepy. Abner Krill with a nervous expression etched into his long features. Harley Quinn waved with a wide smile when the door opened. And Nanaue stood at the back. Delphia wondered how they got the shark in there without anyone noticing.

“Come on in, guys.” Rick opened up the door fully and stepped aside.

“You have a lovely home,” Cleo commented as she came through the doorway.

Delphia quickly snapped out of the trance seeing all these superpowered criminals in her home put her in and got to work. This was her home. They were her guests. And if there was one thing that her adoptive mother taught her, it was how to be a good host.

“You guys must be exhausted,” she said as the door closed behind Nanaue. “I’ll go get some blankets and spare pillows. We do have a guest room if the girls wanna sleep in there. Rick, do you know where the air mattress is?”

An hour later and everyone was set up for the rest of the night and several extra-large pizzas were on their way. Harley and Cleo had the guest room. DuBois was on the couch. Abner had the air mattress. And Nanaue was apparently perfectly happy on the floor. It was a bit cramped, but their home had never felt so full before. Full of hope. This was these guys’ chance to do something better with their lives. Or, at least slightly better than a life of crime.

And Delphia and Rick, as they stood in the doorway to their bedroom and watched everyone settle in, seemed to have the same idea.

“What if we let them stay?” she asked quietly, arm slung around his waist.

“We are letting them stay,” Rick laughed.

“No. I mean, like — until they get back on their feet.” Delphia looked up at him with a smile. “All they need is a bit of guidance and love and care. We could give them that.”

Rick groaned as he leaned down and kissed the top of her head. “And I didn’t think I could love you any more.

“We may need a bigger house, though.”

A/N: would you guys mind sending in some requests for these two (and the Squad Family)? I'm just so obsessed with them and want to write more lol I don't write smut so please don't request anything like that. But I would just love some domestic fluff, found family bull shit.

Taglist (if you would like to be added please let me know!): @bbygrgu @vvola13 @slayerx147 @xoxabs88xox @kasey-puff @the-pink-petite-princess @blooo0ooop @woodlandmouth @witchygagirl

#rick flag #rick flag imagine #rick flag x oc #rick flag x delphia holman #rick flag fanfiction #rick flag fanfic #suicide squad imagine #suicide squad fic #joel kinnaman #joel kinnaman imagine #the suicide squad #the suicide squad spoilers #if i go im goin crazy #rick flag fic #dceu oc #dceu imagine #dceu fanfiction #dceu fanfic #dceu fic

[ignitedbynatsu]

He Makes You Feel Insecure ~ Sting

A/N: Final-fucking-ly. excuse my language. You have no idea how long I’ve been playing with this idea in my head and just not being able to write it out. It was horrible. I hope you like it! I’ll try to post some more stuff the upcoming week but I can’t promise anything since everything is a bit overwhelming lately. Thank you for all the love and support! Don’t hesitate to drop me a request as well or just come and say hi 🥰

Warnings: insecurities (he makes you feel like you’re overdramatic), swearing, wounds

Genre: angst to fluff

Other versions:

Gray ~ Laxus ~ Cobra/Erik ~ Bickslow ~ Gajeel ~ Natsu ~ Jellal ~ Freed ~ Rogue

☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀

"Is that really all you got, Yukino" you taunted the girl as a smug look was plastered on your face. The celestial mage was panting heavily in front of you. She had come to you a couple of weeks ago to learn how to wield a sword since she felt useless in a battle when she didn't have her keys. You happily agreed to it, seeing it as an opportunity to train more.

She charged at you, holding the diamond sword you made earlier diagonally in front of her face, ready to strike but at the same ready to block any attack that comes her way, just like you taught her.

You swiftly moved away, spinning on your feet in the progress as you slowly formed diamond armour around your body. You wanted to practise closer combat without your sword, which is why you were so focused on your defence. You knew you wouldn't always be able to rely on your sword skills, so this was the perfect moment to practice. 

Nobody doubted for a second the fact that you were an excellent swordswoman,it was the exact reason why Yukino came to you in the first place. But you could get overconfident, resulting in you slacking your moves and getting careless, and that's exactly what happened

Your back was still facing the celestial mage as you took your time, presuming she wouldn't be able to recover that quickly after you swept her feet from underneath her. But you were wrong, resulting in Yukino getting a direct hit on you. Unbeknownst to her, she hit you in your blind spot which was right in between shoulder blades. It was the spot where your armour was the weakest.

You fell forward, immediately forming a dome made out of diamond around you in an attempt to shield you from any following attempts.

 Yukino gasped at your reaction, knowing you only made that move when you were hurt badly "(Y/N)! I am so sorry! I didn't mean to-"

You let the shield crumble down again, making you visible to your friend. Placing a knee on the ground and pushing yourself up, you winced at the burning sensation. "It's fine, I was careless. It's not your fault"

Your reassuring words didn't ease the worry that was swimming through Yukino's mind "I'll go get some stuff to clean it up"

"No, it's fine, I'll go get it myself in a bit." You stopped the girl from running away as you stood up straight in an attempt to show her you were fine "you are progressing really fast"

"It's all thanks to you. Are you sure you don't need me to check up on your wound?" She offered again.

"Yeah, I'll be okay. Maybe I'll try roping Sting into pampering me. That way he'd at least has done something useful today" you attempted to joke to make the younger mage feel better, and it was a success as a small chuckled left her lips. "Let's go back shall we"

Once back, the stinging sensation had still not died down. In fact, it only got worse.

"Sting" you whined as you leaned your head against your boyfriend's shoulder.

He chuckled at your childishness as he turned to look at you "yes, my love?"

"I got badly hurt during training with Yukino" you pouted "can you take a look at it?"

A chuckle left his lips once again "sure drama queen, where is it?"

"I'm not being a drama queen" you stepped away from him, the pout was still evident on your face but this time it was paired with your scrunched eyebrows.

"Of course you're not" sarcasm dripping from the words that just left his mouth.

"What do mean by that?" Your lips were now tightly pressed together, forming a straight line. You were now standing directly in front of him with your arms crossed in front of your chest.

"Remember that time you thought Rogue got kidnapped while he just overslept?" Sting explained, but you were quick to defend yourself "in my defence, Rogue had never once overslept."

"Fine, what about that time I twisted my ankle and thought I had broken it for sure" the crease between your eyebrows deepened as he kept listing situations "or that time you thought some guy was harassing Minerva while they were just out on a date?"

"I was just worried" you mumbled as you recalled more encounters where you were indeed overdramatic.

  "All I'm saying is, you tend to enlarge things. That's why I'm pretty sure that it's only a scratch, after all, Yukino just learned how to handle a sword. There's no way she could've hit you, the best swordswoman of our guild, that hard. But if you want I could still look at the wittle wound" he cooed at you, unknowingly worsening your mood.

"No. It's fine. I'm probably just being overdramatic again" the coldness that was latched to your words, send shivers down the guild master's spine, but before he could even muster an apology, you had turned on your heels and left to go home.

That night when Sting came home, he apologized and told you he didn't mean to make you feel that way. However, his words felt shallow, leaving nothing but an empty promise to be better.

The following days, the burning sensation only got worse, but you kept telling yourself that it was nothing. It was probably only a scratch just like Sting said.

Ignoring the pain, you kept going on about your days like normal. You kept making mental notes to not get swallowed by the worry for your guildmates and blow everything out of proportion. You absolutely did not want to be known as the girl who cried wolf.

Nobody seemed to notice, at least, so you thought. The boy in the shadows that liked observing more than talking to people noticed every small change from the moment Sting called you overdramatic.

It's why he wasn't surprised when Sting called him one morning, panic coated every word he spoke "Rogue! (Y/N) isn't waking up! I don't know what happened! Shit! Rogue! Help! What do I do?"

"Get her to the hospital as soon as possible, I'll meet you there" he replied in a much calmer voice. He knew he'd make matters only worse if he'd let his own worry shine through.

Sting had successfully brought you to the hospital in under ten minutes, Rogue shortly arrived after you two.

"I don't know what happened... She seemed fine yesterday…" Sting trailed off as the twin dragon slayers were seated next to your hospital bed.

"Did she really though?" Rogue sighed which earned him a questioning look from the blonde " (Y/N) hasn't been herself for almost a week"

"What do you mean? She seems perfectly normal to me?" Sting's gaze averted from his friend to you as he tried to recall any odd behaviour, but nothing came to mind.

A heavy sigh left the raven-haired mage again "ever since you called her overdramatic, she's been acting more distant, being less expressive. I think you hit a nerve when you said those words"

Sting was quick to defend himself "it can't be that. I apologized that night, and she told me it was nothing, that she didn't care"

"Whatever you say" he mumbled as he noticed your hand twitching.

Sting quickly grasped that same hand and waited patiently for you to open yours, while anticipation filled his. "I'll go get a doctor"

Rogue re-entered with a doctor sooner after, once you were fully awake " Ah, miss (L/N) good to see you awake"

You nodded your head awkwardly before she continued "you had a nasty looking cut between your shoulder blades, were you aware of that?"

"Yes," you mumbled as you fiddled with your finger, afraid to make eye contact with anyone.

The doctor sighed as she put the clipboard down "there was an infection spreading from that wound due to pieces of diamond stuck in it. Had you waited any longer, you would have died. Why didn't you come sooner"

You felt incredibly small as all eyes were looking at you, waiting for you to respond "I didn't think it was that bad. I didn't want to seem overdramatic"

As soon as the last word rolled off your tongue, Sting's eyes grew wide in realization. Rogue was right. "We'll give you a moment"

"(Y/N)" you refused to meet his eyes, even when he grabbed your hand to stop you from fiddling, so he tried again but with a more stern tone this time "(Y/N) look at me"

You did as he requested and wished you could sink into the darkness as Rogue could right there and then. The hurt and disappointment that were swimming in his eyes made your gut wrench as you never intended to upset him "why didn't you say anything?"

"You said that I was being a drama queen and that there was probably nothing to be worried about, so I assumed that it was just that, me being my overdramatic self" you explained, your eyes averting again to your fingers that were now intertwined with Sting.

"I thought I told you I didn't mean that" he frowned at the fact that you didn't even dare to look at him.

"But you were right!" You explained fed up as frustration tears started to form in the corner of your eyes "I am overdramatic. I blow everything out of proportion. I am just a burden that brings unnecessary stress into everyone's lives"

"Okay stop that. First of all, you are not a burden, nobody thinks that so stop it. Second of all, I am really really sorry that I made you doubt yourself. You're not overdramatic, well maybe a little, but it's not a bad thing. It shows how much you care about all of us. I'd rather have you blow things out of proportion than minimalize it and have bad things happen like this" he explained.

"You really think so?" You ask, your watery eyes finally meeting his.

"I know so. I am so sorry for making you feel so insecure about yourself. That was never my intention, please forgive me" he pleaded.

"I forgive you, I'm sorry for not saying anything sooner about the wound" you reply as you kissed his hand.

"It's alright. Now get some rest, my love. I'll be here when you wake up"

#fairy tail #fairy tail imagine #gray fullbuster #fairy tail imagines #natsu dragneel #lucy heartfilia #fairy tail x reader #laxus dreyar #lucy heartifilla #natsu dragon slayer #sting dragon slayer #sting eucliffe #fairy tail sting #sting x reader #sting eucliffe x reader #sting imagine #sting imagines #sting headcanon #fairy tail headcanon #fairy tail icons #fairy tail x angst #fairy tail angst #sting angst #rogue cheney x reader #rogue cheney imagines #rogue imagine #rogue cheney imagine #fairy tail rogue #ft

[uwingdispatch]

Healing

Healing

Notes: Baze Malbus/Reader, gender neutral reader, everyone lives au, post-rebellion, hurt/comfort, chronically ill/disabled reader, domestic fluff, fluff and angst

CW: canon-typical violence, chronic illness, chronic anxiety, implied PTSD, implied depression, hospital setting, mention of alcohol consumption

Ao3 Link

★★★★★★★★

“Little bird,” Baze says. “I need you to stop looking at me like that.”

“Like what?”

You’re at the med center, the sterile scent of disinfectant making you want to climb the walls. You hate this place, you hate that you’re here, you hate that your partner is recovering from a splenectomy that had been completely avoidable. You have his hand in yours nonetheless. Bacta will heal most of the body rather quickly, but re-growing a human spleen is a notoriously difficult process after a certain age and as you wait to hear from the doctor about cybernetic options you can’t help but feel grateful that this happened on Chandrila and not in hyperspace.

“Like as soon as you have the opportunity you’re going to throw Chirrut out a window.”

“You and I both know I don’t have the physical strength to do that.”

“But you want to.”

“Maybe.”

You’d been here since the wee hours of the morning after taking a cab across town with your LEP droid. Baze brought Ellie home a few weeks ago to make sure you’d always have help in an emergency, after you had a particularly bad panic attack. But today the droid is helping you navigate this unfamiliar med center on the opposite side of town because Baze went out with old friends last night and managed to injure himself in the stupidest way you could imagine.

Ellie, who’d shut down and plugged herself into the charging port when you and Baze started arguing earlier this morning, comes back online and totters over to you, asks if you have been hydrating.

“Honestly, I’ve let that slip,” you say. “Thank you for reminding me. My husband let his intoxicated friend toss knives at him in a bar last night and it’s kind of thrown off my whole day.”

“I am aware of this,” Ellie says. “I suppose you have not eaten either. I will go and retrieve a sandwich.”

The droid leaves the thin-walled med room, perhaps having given herself a task just to avoid enduring another argument. You feel a bit guilty. Her model is notoriously conflict-averse, but you’d barely slept the night before and you can’t remember the last time you were this upset.

“She’s really taking to you,” Baze says. “I wish she’d bring me a sandwich.”

You let out a long sigh. He’d be home already, against medical advice, if you hadn’t been here to insist he stay another night as recommended. You run a hand along his cheek, tracing the line of his jaw, as if you have to confirm that he’s real, a corporeal being in front of you. When you tuck a lock of hair behind his ear, it’s soft and familiar and if you close your eyes you can almost imagine that you’re at home. But you’re not, and it’s taking every milligram of power in your body to keep from crying.

“When you didn’t come home last night…I was so scared,” You say. “Nobody was answering their coms and I thought maybe you were in a speeder wreck, or a shoot-out or…I don’t know. I just thought something awful had happened and I would never see you again and now knowing how close that came to being true—”

“But it didn’t. I’m right here.”

“You’re an idiot.”

Baze takes your hand in his, brings it to his lips and presses a kiss to your knuckles. “Chirrut should have called you.”

“Someone should have. Long before the med center did.”

You’re going to have to call Chirrut to apologize when this all shakes out. You let anger get the better of you when you arrived at the med center last night and parted on bad terms. As angry as you are, it sits wrong in the pit of your stomach.

“I know I kriffed up,” Baze says. “I used to wake up every day with death right in front of me. I forget sometimes that…it’s different now.”

“I’m trying to understand,” you say. “But…I need you, Baze. I need you to not create danger for yourself. I need you to come home to me.”

The tears you’ve been holding back begin to fall and there’s a shift in Baze’s demeanor, like he’s finally coming out of a fog.

“Please don’t cry, little bird,” he says, sitting straight up in bed. You’re afraid he’s going to upset his sutures, but before you can say anything he’s facing you, wiping your tears away with his thumbs. He wraps both of his strong arms around you and you let your head rest on his shoulder. “I love you,” he says in a low voice. “I’ll always come home. I promise.”

*

You hadn’t been so worried about your partner in years. There was an incident, maybe a year after you’d met. Though no longer in the Navy, Baze occasionally joined relief missions as a civilian volunteer. Anytime the Republic was sending aid to Jedha, you knew he was going to go—and you couldn’t ask him not to, either. So many people had to be evacuated every few months as the moon’s environment rapidly destabilized, and while the destruction he witnessed broke his heart, he told you these trips were part of his healing—making sure Jedhans were safe.

And it usually went smoothly, with Baze primarily serving as an extra pair of hands, sending you a holo every day to let you know that he was safe, and that he missed you. Occasionally he was able to call and you could reply in real time. But this trip was different. Faulty intel had led the New Republic to believe that there were no Imperial forces left on Jedha, but you found out via holonews that an Imperial remnant had detonated a bomb in the area Baze was supposed to be. Soon after, coms were jammed in most of the system. All you could do was wait.

Those eight hours without hearing Baze’s voice felt like a lifetime. When he finally got in touch with you, he seemed taken aback by the level of your distress, but eager to reassure you that he was okay and would be home soon. In what could only be described as a stroke of luck, no civilians had been injured. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d prayed, but you found yourself thanking the Force for keeping the man you loved safe.

Your life had been so different from his—you’d never been in combat, never been shot at, never heard a bomb go off in your neighborhood. You both forgot this sometimes—you’d grown up worlds apart in more than one way.

Baze returned to Chandrila two days later, making his way to your apartment soon after. When you opened the door, he swept you into his arms. You felt like you couldn’t be close enough to him, and when he kissed you, a shockwave went through your body. Tears welled in your eyes and as you began to weep, Baze pulled back.

“Hey now,” he said. “I’m right here, little bird. I’m not going anywhere.”

“You can’t know that,” you said.

He took your face in his big, rough hands and said, “I can’t imagine a life where I don’t come home to you.”

“I want that. More than you know.”

“Marry me,” he said.

“What?” You were surprised, having always suspected that if you talked about marriage you would be the one to bring it up. That he might need convincing. That maybe it wasn’t even on the table.

“I’m sorry,” he said, “I didn’t think this would surprise you.”

“You want to get married?” you said. “Are you sure?”

“I’ve never been more sure of anything, little bird.”

You kissed him again, tasting the salt of you tears, a welling joy warming your cheeks as you tangled your hands in his hair, the scruff of his beard a comforting sensation as your lips fit perfectly to his, soft.

“Is this a yes?” he asked, his forehead pressed against yours.

“Yes,” you said. “Very much.”

*

You think sometimes that Baze doesn’t so much miss his days in combat as he needs to remind himself that he survived. That maybe after a few glasses of wine, with old friends, being the body around which someone would land their knives was a bit of proof for him that he was still here.

When you met he was wearing heavy armor and carrying a cannon—not a blaster, but a cannon—with a heavy fuel tank on his back. Now he carries guilt and anxiety. He also carries your heart.

In the morning, Baze is discharged. You take a cab home and as soon as you get through the front door he’s in the kitchen, getting out eggs and butter and asking you what you’d like for breakfast.

“I’d like you to go sit down and let yourself heal,” you say. “I can make us breakfast.”

He sighs, barely concealing the pain as his chest expands and contracts with the deep breath. The cybernetic surgery had taken only hours, but it would be days, possibly weeks, before his body felt normal again.

“You need your rest, too,” he says. “You’ve barely slept in two days, and I know your back is sore even if you’re not telling me.”

He’s right. You’ve been concealing your chronic pain as well as you can, but Baze is more perceptive than most, and he knows you better than anyone.

Ellie retrieves Baze’s datapad from where he left it the other night—then waddles down the hall to charge. You suspect her battery isn’t all that low, but that she’s emotionally exhausted. And you can’t blame her—it’s been a rough couple of days to be your support droid.

Baze settles on the sofa and eases you into his arms as you scroll through menus together. After a stretch of silence, he says, “I don’t know what I’d do if it had been you.”

“Hm?”

“If you hadn’t come home, if you’d been hurt and I’d gotten that call from the med center in the middle of the night.” He runs a hand through his dark hair, letting out a deep breath. “I’m so sorry, little bird.”

“I know,” you say, taking his face in your hand, drawing him into a kiss. “Your body is strong. But I need you to remember that you’re not invincible.”

His eyes are warm as he caresses your cheek with the tips of his fingers, and you can’t help but smile when he looks at you like this—like you’re both falling in love with each other all over again.

“I might be done with Corellian wine,” he says.

“Yeah?”

“Terrible hangover.”

You’re too relieved to be mad at him now, and you sweep a few wayward strands of hair away from his face, wondering how, in this enormous galaxy, you managed to find each other.

“Are you sure you won’t let me make you breakfast?” he asks.

“Let’s get something from that diner,” you say. “The one with the really fluffy waffles.”

“Okay, little bird,” he says, settling in next to you. “I’m going to make this up to you.”

“I believe you,” you say.

“Good.”

Baze loops an arm around you, pulling you close. When he presses a kiss to your forehead, his beard tickling your skin, the feeling of safety that you’d been missing starts to return. You lay your head on his chest, his steady-beating heart bringing you a bit of calm after so much stress. This is peace—you, Baze, the tooka cat asleep under the window, the little droid charging down the hall. This is the peace you’d always hoped for but never knew you could have. And you’ll do anything in your power to protect it, to nurture it, to make sure that this man with his coarse hands and his big heart knows he will always be deserving of your love.

★★★★★★★★

Thank you so much for reading! I'm so pleased that so many of y'all are enjoying my Baze fics. I hope this makes you feel seen and loved.

Tagging: @princessxkenobi​ @zinzinina @galaxtic-writings @r1-sw-lover @laserbrains @waterpancakeao3 @strwrs @phoenixhalliwell @maul-ologue @infinityrevengers @greatcaesarsghost

#baze malbus #baze malbus x reader #baze malbus x gn reader #baze malbus x gn!reader #rogue one #rogue one fanfiction #rogue one fanfic #rogue one au #everyone lives au #canon-typical violence #star wars #star wars fanfic #star wars fanfiction #lep-series droid #also a tooka cat #soft!baze #domestic fluff #hurt/comfort #emotional hurt/comfort #fluff #fluff and angst

[myhockeyworld87]

Under My Skin - Matthew Tkachuk

Word Count: 3,644

POV: Reader

Warnings: Language, Smut, NSFW

Summary: Matthew can be a pest but what happens when your ex, Auston Matthews get under his skin.

Notes: So I’m having a sad bitch moment and thought, why not post this. I finally broke down and wrote for this boy. Who knows if it’ll happen again...haha! At any rate hope you guys enjoy. Happy Reading!

Matthew first met you over a year ago when you’d moved to Calgary for work. You had just finished your degree and a job opportunity had landed you in the same city where he was playing. You’d been out at the bar with some co-workers and had caught his eye immediately. You were everything that Matthew was looking for in a woman, smart, funny, incredibly gorgeous, with a charm that seemed to draw everyone around you in. You were like a magnet and Matthew couldn’t resist your pull.

 That first night he’d barely been able to talk to you. You’d been besotted with people left and right, and it seemed as though every time Matthew worked up the courage to speak with you, you would get pulled away. Matthew finally ran into you on the way to the restroom. Like, literally ran into you. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” Matthew apologized steadying you with a hand on your waist. His hand lingered a little longer than necessary but you weren’t complaining.

 “It’s ok I wasn’t paying attention.” You held up your phone in defense. You’d been so distracted by a text, that you really weren’t watching where you were going. “Did you ever have someone text you that you hoped you’d never hear from again?”

 It was an interesting introduction to a conversation but then Matthew would take any opportunity he could get to speak to you. “Actually, yes.”

 “It’s so annoying, right?”

 “Well, there is a way to solve that problem.”

 Your eyes held his with rapt attention, and Matthew could tell you were clinging to his every word. It was then that it struck him that he never wanted that look to fade from your face. “How?”

 “Come have a drink with me and forgot about whoever it is on that phone.” You smiled. It was a bright, brilliant thing of beauty that Matthew swore could light up the night sky on its darkest days. He was sold right then and there, and with just that simple gesture you had no idea that you’d swooped in and stolen his heart that night.

 You forgot about that text message fairly quickly and just settled into an easy conversation with Matthew. The night flew by and before you knew it, your co-workers were calling it a night and you were all heading home. Matthew asked for your number which you gave in hopes that he would call you soon. Little did you know that after you left, Matthew debated with himself on how long to wait to text you. Every unsaid rule in the code of dating said to wait for at least forty-eight to seventy-two hours before making a move, but Matthew was never one to follow convention. As he lay in bed, he decided to send you a quick message.

 Had a great time tonight.

 It was short and to the point, and Matthew figured if you answered then he would ask you out again. Unfortunately, for Matthew, he wasn’t the only one texting you as you crawled into bed after taking off all your makeup. You were just getting ready to reply to Matthew when another text came in. It was the fourth of the night from the same person that had messaged you before, Auston Matthews.

 You hadn’t spoken to him in months, back when you were in Toronto, and you didn’t plan on speaking to him now, though he seemed to be trying his hardest to get your attention, just as he had been for the last couple of months. Your relationship with Auston had been nothing short of toxic. Oh sure, at first it was all hearts and roses in the beginning. Auston swept you off your feet with that charming smile of his, but then you were young and the flashy NHLer said all the right things, at first.

 You weren’t normally one to tumble into bed right after the first date, though that’s what happened with Auston. He made it seem like you were the only one, but after dating him for only four months you’d found out that wasn’t true. Oh, he tried to brush it off, make it seem like he wasn’t cheating. That the panties you’d found lying tucked between the nightstand and the bed were some old fling and not some random hookup he’d brought home. You wanted to believe him and so you let your heart overpower your head and stayed with him until you’d literally walked in on him in bed with another woman. There was no talking his way out of that one.

 It was an easy decision to break things off with him, though he kept trying to win you back. You were good for his image and he thought that he could keep you happy while he had some fun on the side. The only thing was you didn’t want him back, even though his friends tried to helped his cause. That’s when you decided to take the job in Calgary. It was an easy decision six months ago. Which is part of the reason it surprised you when he texted tonight. He was in Calgary for a game and wanted to talk. You’d honestly were debating seeing him when you’d run into Matthew.

 Matthew, you sighed. His curly hair and shaved sides gave off this bad boy vibe, but as you sat there and talked to him, you’d realized he had to be one of the sweetest men out there. You hadn’t realized at first who he actually was. Auston had turned you off to the NHL scene altogether, so you no longer paid attention to the games, even if hockey was Canada’s major sport. Honestly, you wish you didn’t know he was in the NHL. It was part of the reason you were debating about answering him. Maybe you would just sleep on it and decide in the morning.

 Meanwhile, Matthew was having a mild panic attack. He told himself that maybe you lived close to the bar and had already fallen asleep before you got his text, or that you’d turned off your phone the minute you got home. He constantly kept checking his, looking for those three little dots letting him know that you were sending something back. It was torturous.

 You laid there all of twenty minutes before you decided that you couldn’t resist the curly-haired man that had captured your attention tonight. Grabbing your phone, you shot off a quick, I did too. You typed and erased it three times, wondering if you should add more before finally pressing the send button. There it was done, if he said something back, you’d go from there. Fifteen seconds later, you knew you were in trouble.

 Maybe we could do it again sometime?

 Matthew was sweating as he hit send. He’d never been this nervous before about a woman. They either liked him or didn’t, but you, you were different. He knew that from the moment he saw you. It was even more prevalent now after he’d spent most of the night with you.

 I’d like that.

 Was your simple reply back. One that had Matthew ready to jump up and out of bed with excitement. And so the texting went on for the next ten minutes until he finally ended up calling you. The two of you talked for over an hour, almost as if you’d known each other all your lives, and you completely forgot about the texts from Auston.

 Matthew took you out three days later to an exclusive restaurant in the city. This time you told yourself you’d not make the same mistake you’d made with Auston. So, when the night drew to a close, Matthew drove you to your apartment then very properly walked you to the door and only kissed you on the cheek. It wasn’t what you expected. You’d thought he’d go for more, but Matthew wanted to do things right. He knew you were special and he wasn’t going to mess things up by sleeping with you on night one. He was in this for the long run.

 That was over a year ago. Sure, it had been difficult at first to give him your complete trust, but Matthew had earned it and over time you knew that although he may be a pest on the ice, he was anything but that in your personal life. Now the two of you shared a home and were on your way to making a life together.

 You’d kept your relationship on the down-low, staying off of all forms of social media to keep the wolves at bay. Which meant that no one, including Auston, knew that you and Matthew were dating. That was until he and everyone else saw you in the background of Taryn’s video for Brady’s twenty-first birthday. The picture highlighted Brady but behind him, there was Matthew nibbling on your neck and ear. Fans picked up on it right away, wondering who you were and Matthew decided he was tired of hiding the two of you. A week later he was posting a picture of the two of you holding hands on your way back to Calgary.

 That was dozens of posts and months ago. Your life with Matthew was nothing short of amazing, until the Flames played the Leafs. Matthew was in Toronto while you stayed back in Calgary for work. It was an early game and you joined the other wives and significant others in a small little watch party. Drinks were flowing freely, so you really didn’t catch the exchange between Matthew and Auston in warmups.

 Matthew was minding his own business as he stretched near the centerline. That’s when Auston started with the little jabs. “Nice little piece of ass you picked up Tkachuk.” Matthew was used to guys talking shit about all kinds of things on the ice, though normally it was about him being a dirty player or how Brady was the better Tkachuk on the ice; all that shit he could handle. He wasn’t used to someone taking stabs at you.

 “Shut the fuck up Matthews,” he replied then skated away. If Auston was looking for a fight, he’d get one if he kept up this banter, but not until the game started.

 It wasn’t until the end of the first that Auston got a chance to chirp Matthew again. “Tell me, Tkachuk, does (Y/N) still make the same pretty moans…”

 “Finish that and you’ll regret it,” Matthew told him. It was the only warning Matthew was going to give. Of course, Matthew knew that you’d dated someone in the hockey world and that he’d been a verifiable asshole. He’d never pressed the issue too much as he was trying to turn that stigma about hockey players around. He never liked Auston, he was always cordial to him in non-ice settings but now that he knew he was the cheating bastard who basically used you; he liked him less.

 Play resumed before anything else could happen and Matthew was sure to get in a few good checks in before heading back for the first intermission. When he was back on the ice for the second Auston picked up right where they had left off. “So, you like my sloppy seconds, Tkachuk?” Matthew saw red at the insult, and before he knew what he was doing he dropped his gloves and hit Auston. Inwardly, you cringed at the fight, not wanting to let on to the other girls that you had an idea what the exchange was about. Auston went down easy, with Matthew barely touching him, and so off the penalty box he went, while the Leafs went on the power play. You could see him just sitting there stewing, though you weren’t sure if he was mad at himself for letting Auston get to him or mad at you.

 The game ended up tied in the third, and little did you know that Auston took the opportunity to get a few more digs into Matthew. “Does she get as wet for as she did for me, or do you have to work for it?” Johnny had to hold him back from leveling him after that, but Auston didn’t let up. “She was such a fucking slut for me in bed. You know I fucked every hole…” That’s all he got out before going down hard as Matthew planted a right hook to his jaw. But Matthew wasn’t done and went after Auston as he lay on the ice. Matthew was ejected from the game and the Leafs scored on the power play.

 There was no interview after the game with Matthew, so you had no idea what he was feeling or how pissed he was. As soon as you got home, you tried to call him but it went straight to voicemail. You tried to tell yourself it didn’t mean anything that maybe he never turned his phone back on after the game or maybe they were already on the flight back to Calgary, as the team played at home the following day, but you just weren’t sure. So, you laid in the king-size bed you shared with Matthew, wrapped up in your favorite old t-shirt of his, simply staring up at the ceiling.

 At some point, you must have fallen asleep, for you didn’t hear the door open or Matthew dropping his bag like you usually did. It wasn’t until he crept into bed that you finally knew he was home. He was laying on his back, hands behind his head when you finally rolled over letting him know you were awake. You’d thought about what to say to him before falling asleep but waited for him to say something to you. When he didn’t you simply whispered, “If you want me to go I will.”

 “Go?” Matthew questioned now rolling on to his side so he could see you. “Why would I want you to leave?”

 “I never wanted to be a problem for you, Matthew, especially not with other players.” It was part of the reason you’d never told him that you’d dated Auston, though you should’ve known that Auston couldn’t keep his mouth shut.

 You went to say more, but Matthew stopped you. “You’re not the problem (Y/N). You could never be one.” His fingers ran up and down your arms lightly, just caressing your skin. “I love you, baby.”

 “I love you too.” His lips found yours then, and you melted into the feel of him, savoring how his body started to relax against you.

 “Auston’s an asshole.” Matthew finally said, when the two of you broke apart.

 “Do I even want to know what he said?”

 “Just shit to get me riled up, and it worked.” Your one hand went to the back of his neck, massaging the knotted muscles there. “I’m not stupid. I realize what probably happened between the two of you. I just don’t like hearing it.”

 “We both have pasts, Matthew. We can’t change that, but you’re my future.”

 He gave you a real quick peck to your lips. “And you’re mine. At least I don’t have to deal with him for a couple weeks.”

 You pushed him onto his back before straddling his hips. “Don’t let him get under your skin, babe. When he starts to say something…” you looked him right in the eyes. “And you know he will. Just remind him how you’re the only one I want with me.” You flexed your hips before running your hands up his bare chest. “And in me.” Matthew’s hands went to your waist, where he played with the band of lace on your panties. “You’re more to me than he’ll ever be. Both here,” you taped your heart and then his. “And here.” Lifting your hips, you took your hand and cupped the length of him. His cock instantly hardened under your touch.

 Your words spurred Matthew into action, for the next thing you knew he was ripping your panties, before shimming out of his boxers. His fingers went to your folds, where he found you ready for him. “Fuck you’re so wet.”

 “Only for you Matthew. Only for you.” It was extra reassurance that you knew Matthew needed and tonight you’d give him as many as he needed. He guided your hips down onto his cock and you sighed out with pleasure as he filled you like no one else ever had.

 As you grabbed the hem of your t-shirt Matthew whispered harshly, “Leave it on.” It was one of his Flames shirts; one that had both his name and number on the back. Leaning down you kissed him long and hard, before starting to ride him. It was slow at first, a pace meant to build you both up but not push you over the edge. His hands were everywhere, under your shirt caressing your breasts, wandering down your back to cup your ass, and moving up and down your thighs to quicken your speed.

 Finally, he couldn’t take it any longer and he flipped your bodies so that he loomed over top of you. His thrusts were deep and hard, almost punishing if your body hadn’t wanted him so bad. “You belong to me.” He said as he flexed into you, pushing you up against the headboard.

 “Yes, baby. Only you.”

 “Who?” He asked again and you realized that he was not in the mood to hear any pet names.

 “You, Matthew, you,” you answered knowing that he owned you both body and soul, just as you owned him.

 “That’s right, baby.” Matthew's thrusts were deep and sure, as he knew what would bring you pleasure, and with a few more flexes of his hips, he sent you spiraling out of control, screaming his name.

 “MMMAAATTTTTTTTTTHHHHEEEEEWWW.”

 That was all he needed to catch his high and follow you down, your name on his lips. He rolled onto his side taking you with him; your breaths mingling together as you both calmed. Your nails skimmed down his spine aimless, something you tended to do after sex. Matthew always said he loved the continued intimacy it brought, and tonight it felt like you both needed that. His lips found yours, the kiss loving and tender. “I love you, (Y/N),” Matthew whispered while brushing a stray lock of hair from your face. “And I promise, I won’t let Auston get to me next time.”

 “Good, because you’re the only man I love Matthew, and the team doesn’t need you getting ejected from games because of me.”

 “It won’t happen again.” You truly hoped that it wouldn’t but with Matthew’s temper you never knew.

 It was a little over two weeks later that the Flames were taking on the Leafs, this time at the Saddledome, where you were in attendance. Admittedly, you were a bit nervous on the inside as to what would happen between the love of your life and the once lowlife that you'd briefly called boyfriend. You tried to shake off your nerves with idle chatter with some of the girls, but your eyes always seemed to drift back to where Matthew and Auston were on the ice.

 Matthew for his part stayed away from center ice for warmups, just like he told you he would. It wasn’t until the second period after a blown whistle that Auston finally decided to poke at him. “How’s that girlfriend Tkachuk? You know if I told her I wanted her back she’d leave you in a second.”

 “I doubt that Matthews. She told me you couldn't satisfy her in the bedroom. Something about cumming too soon.” Anger started to radiate across Auston’s face. “You should see a doctor about that.” Matthew skated away, completely ignoring anything Auston would be able to say back.

 The game was tied late in the third once again when Auston tried to rile Matthew up again. Considering he had two assists you understood why they wanted your boyfriend out of the game. “It wasn’t me who had the problem Tkachuk, (Y/N)’s pussy was wider than the Grand Canyon.”

 “Hmm,” Matthew taunted back. “Must be your small pencil dick, because she’s so tight it’s like a vice-grip around me.” Auston took offense and cross-checked Matthew into the boards right as the play began, earning him two minutes in the penalty box. Matthew laughed at him as the ref took him over. Auston wasn’t there for long, as Matthew scored the game-winning goal forty-some seconds into the penalty. You jumped up out of your seat with the rest of the girls cheering and screaming.

 Even though they pulled the goalie, the Leafs couldn’t seem to find the back of the net before the buzzer sounded ending the game. You made your way down to wait outside the tunnel with the rest of the significant others. Most everyone was gone before Matthew finally came out, scooping you up in his arms. “Did you see that baby?”

 “I saw Matty,” you told him, kissing him on the lips. “That goal was impressive.”

 He finally set you back down on your feet. “No babe, that’s not what I meant. I didn’t let him get to me.”

 “Yeah, I saw that too. I’m so proud of you.”

 “Well, he can’t get under my skin about you, when I get to be all over yours.” His hands slid under your sweater and inside your jeans to cup your ass. “Speaking of your skin…let’s go home so I can get you out of all these clothes and see you.”

 You kissed him, long and languidly, before pulling back. “I like that idea. I like it a lot.” The two of you left the arena hands interlaced just as your bodies would be as soon as you got home.  

.

#Matthew Tkachuk #Matthew tkachuk imagine #matthew tkachuk imagines #matthew tkachuk smut #matthew tkachuk fanfic #nhl smut #nhl imagine #nhl imagines #hockey smut #hockey imagine #hockey imagines #hockey fanfic #nhl fanfic #nhl fanfiction

[thalassic-p4rk]

I Have Time || 10th Doctor x reader (oneshot)

A/N: howdy! this is my first fic ever, so its gonna suck ass but that’s probably okay. Originally this was going to be about Rises the Moon by Lianna Flores, but i figured this was more fitting :) pls leave comments if you want more stuff from me, or just things i can improve in general. maybe if ppl like this, i’ll write another one. but for now, allons-y!!

Summary: Ten handles the death of the Master about as well as you’d think, and falls into a depression. One night, the reader comforts him after a nightmare about the past that recent events have brought up.

Warnings: depression, anxiety attack, nightmares, insomnia, accidental s/h

W/C: 1,147

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The Master was dead.

You were sad, yes. But you had only known him as a maniacal tyrant, as the man who killed your people by the millions. And although you had barely survived, trying to get by post-apocalypse, you were the only one to remember. All the dead had been brought back, the planet reborn and memories wiped from everyone’s minds except you and a select few. From your perspective, you considered everything to be even now. You could shatter into a million tiny pieces with ease, but nonetheless you were always quick to pull yourself back together and move on, so that’s exactly what you did.

So it was ironic, but not surprising, that the ever-stable Doctor was having trouble with that.

It broke your heart seeing him like this. Your Doctor, always such a strong, unmovable support, who always had a smile on his face despite the unending grief that seemed to have taken up a permanent residence in his warm gaze, was completely and utterly broken. Sometimes, when he was asleep, you would step out of the Tardis, wherever you were parked, and scream. You screamed, yelling profanities at the sky. You cursed the universe, unable to comprehend why it was putting him through this. Your Doctor, your beautiful, wonderful, kind, lovely Doctor, did not deserve this. He did not deserve any of this. You were angry at everyone and everything, because he didn’t have the strength to be.

It was one such night. He hadn’t left his room in the Tardis all day, and you were angry again. You couldn’t let him see you break down. Not when everyone always depended on him constantly. Not after he had already helped you through so many panic attacks and depressive episodes. He always took care of you and everyone else in this blasted universe, whether they deserved it or not. Now it was your turn to take care of him. If he saw you like this, he would only feel more guilty. You just... felt so helpless. You would give anything to help him. Anything to make him feel better. If you could take the weight off his shoulders and carry it yourself, you would do it in a heartbeat. You let out another sob. You hated feeling useless, hated that he had to go through this, hated that there wasn’t anything else you could do to help him. You take a deep breath, and let it out as a shaky sigh. It was probably around two in the morning, and you should go back inside. Your silk pj’s did nothing to ward off the chill.

As soon as you close the door behind you, you notice something is wrong. You scan the room, immediately alert, but you can’t pinpoint anything in particular. It just feels off somehow. You hum in interest, before deciding that you’re too tired to care. You take slow steps down the corridor to your room, paying rapt attention to any subtle movements or noises. 

Nothing.

You huff and open your door, taking a step through the threshold. You freeze.

Was that a whimper?

You halt all movements and hold your breath. A low whine reaches your ears, coming from across the hall.

Coming from the Doctor’s room.

You turn on your heel and take off sprinting for the door at the end of the hall. You don’t bother knocking, your panic and sleep-addled brain running on pure adrenaline. You open the door and let your eyes adjust to the dark. 

A part of you dies at the sight in front of you. 

His eyes are squeezed shut, nose scrunched up in a way you would usually find adorable, but now it just made him look more pitiful. He’s whimpering and writhing on the bed, tangling himself in the sheets and trapping himself further. You jump into action, running over and sitting on the foot of his bed, before noticing the fresh scratch marks running down his arms. Did he do that to himself? 

Studying him carefully, you notice tear tracks running down his face and his teeth biting down hard on his bottom lip. He goes to tear at his arms again, and you brace yourself, knowing this was going to be a struggle. You grab his wrists in both hands and pull them above his head. He continues his thrashing, and while you hate to make him panic further, you know it’s necessary what you were about to do. You push yourself up on your knees, still pinning his hands above his head, and swing your leg across his waist, straddling his torso. You carefully avoid sitting on top of him fully and cutting off his air flow, instead merely hovering above him, as you scan him for any other injuries. Besides a bloody lip, he seems to be otherwise alright physically. 

He’s still thrashing against you, but now you have the advantage and move both his wrists into one of your hands. You use your newly freed hand to gently touch his cheek, wondering for the second time that night why he had to go through this. You make shushing noises, trying to calm him. When that doesn’t work, you maneuver next to him, and wrap your arms around him as gently as possible, trying to convey a sense of safety. He slows his thrashing somewhat, seeming resigned.

An idea pops into your mind, and you think of a song from Earth that you sang to yourself when you were frightened as a child. You let go of his arms as he calms down a bit and bring your hand up to his hair, running your fingers through it soothingly. You take a breath, lean into his ear, and start quietly singing.

The lake sort of knows me.

You can feel the instant he wakes and becomes aware of his surroundings. His entire body goes lax in your grip as his honey-colored eyes flutter open.

Was it you who promised time?

He looks at you, warm eyes so full of grief and he lets out a shuddering breath as the fear leaves him.

Lead me to a land so green,

His mouth opens to say something, but nothing comes out and you just hold him tighter.

So she’ll stay awhile.

You kiss his forehead, drawing constellations on his cheeks, his nose, his lips, with your fingers.

Please take me there, I am ready.

He curls up into your chest as you continue to pet his soft, mussed up hair. 

The ship sways, 

You rock him gently back and forth, back and forth, to where the melodies of the song would end and begin if you were playing guitar.

but the heart is steady.

His breathing evens out as he slips back into sleep, this time more peaceful, listening to your single heart beating.

I have time.

-fin-

#10th doctor #tenth doctor #tenth doctor x reader #tenth doctor x you #gender-neutral reader #gender neutral!reader #ten #angst #hurt/comfort #fanfic #*sobs uncontrollably* #my poor baby #he did not deserve that #he deserves the world #he deserved better #he is so precious #please help

[highqueenofelfhame]

no tag list bc im posting this from my phone and am too lazy so pls reblog so this gets traction! thank you for reading and follow @highqueenofelfhamewrites for better and more frequent updates and turn on post notifications! i might do away with tag lists soon idk. the whitethorn kids are headcanons from @musicmaam and i so i hope you love the babies we love them very much and becca is a mastermind

masterlist

Outside, it was a still and quiet morning. Despite the sun having risen hours ago, the sky remained a murky gray. Dew clung to the grass and a light fog remained settled over the landscape. It looked cold and like the kind of day that would usually have Aelin curled up in the study, a roaring fire warming the room while she sat in one of the oversized leather chairs and reread a favorite book. Rowan knew that once outside, the cool air would be a sharp bite at his skin. It’s how Terrasen always was in early November.

Instead of reading, though, Aelin was staring at her side of the closet. Her fingers nervously tapped above her elbow while she surveyed dresses and pantsuits, jackets and turtlenecks. More than once she had murmured that she never knew what to wear, and more than once he had told her that it really didn’t matter and she would look beautiful all the same.

A level below, Rowan heard the front door open and close, followed by their oldest son, Arden shouting up the stairs that they were home. They referred to him and his boyfriend, Jamie, and Aelin and Rowan’s oldest, Evalin. The three had driven from the University of Orynth on the other side of the city to the family’s house on the outskirts of town.

Genevieve, Declan, and Endymion, the younger half of the Whitethorn kids, were all getting ready. Genny had been up with the sun to make breakfast for everyone, her hands sticky with cream cheese frosting and cinnamon by the time she had finished. Declan and Endy were down the hall, fighting for counter space in their shared bathroom while Genevieve finished up at the vanity Rowan had built her last year in her bedroom.

More noise followed the voices downstairs turned to a quiet murmur as Rowan approached his wife and rested his hand on her lower back. Aelin leaned back on her heels and into his touch, turning her head slightly. Rowan pressed a kiss to her temple and she shivered, reaching out for the dress that he knew she’d end up picking. It was his favorite.

“Perfect choice, fireheart,” he murmured, rubbing his hand across her middle back as she sighed and pulled it off the hanger that she dropped to the floor. Rowan chuckled to himself, nudging it toward her pile of shoes as he followed her back out into their bedroom.

Rowan was already showered and dressed. He wore a simple black suit with Aelin’s favorite dark green tie— one that she claimed brought out his eyes, though Rowan hadn’t noticed a single difference as he tied it around his neck.

“You are worrying about nothing,” he murmured into her hair, tucking a loose strand behind her ear. Aelin shuddered a sigh, licking her lips as she turned to look at Rowan over her shoulder. Their eyes met for a single heartbeat before moving to the door.

“I hope Arden and Evie remembered to pick everything up this morning.”

“I’ll go check,” he promised, squeezing her shoulder before walking away. Rowan paused in the doorway, turning to look at his anxious wife. She stood in front of the window, dress draped over one arm while she twisted her wedding band around her finger. It made his heart squeeze in the most painful way, but he left her and jogged down the stairs to where the rest of his family mingled in the kitchen.

Entirely typical of his children, none of them looked up when he entered. Gen was dressed in leggings and an oversized sweater, manning the stove to make everyone else eggs. Endy and Declan were arguing over who got the cinnamon roll in the center of the pan: it was the most gooey and beheld more icing than the others. Declan won out in the end, but only because Genevieve pointed a spatula at Endymion to remind him of a petty crime he’d committed against her the day before.

“You don’t deserve that cinnamon roll. You know what you did.” Endy snorted, but relented, allowing Declan to eagerly swoop in for the golden treat. A large dollop of icing slipped off the side, barely making it onto his plate as he did. Endymion sighed wistfully, likely dreaming of how good that would have been in his stomach instead of his brothers. Rowan laughed to himself, ruffling Endy’s hair as he walked by. His youngest shrugged him off with a shiver, lips pulling down into a frown while he looked over at his father, then to his older sister as she walked into the room.

“Has mom been down yet?”

“She’s still upstairs,” Rowan said, while the other kids mumbled that she’d yet to come down. Arden and Jamie slid into the empty barstools at the counter, accepting plates of bacon and eggs from Genevieve. “Can someone go check on her?”

“I’ll go,” Evie decided, heading up toward Rowan and Aelin’s bedroom, stairs creaking with every step.

Genevieve was watching Evalin up until she disappeared at the top of the landing, her lips twisting to the side as she shifted to turn the stove off. The kitchen settled into a comfortable silence, the scraping of forks the only disruption. Genny poked at the cinnamon roll she’d chosen for herself before pushing it away, toward Endy.

“I can’t eat,” she said quietly, tapping her phone screen, the time blinking up at her before it went dark again. It seemed that Endy could eat, however, because he pulled her plate over and dove into her cinnamon roll immediately after finishing his. It was almost enough to make her smile but she seemed to be fighting it off. Rowan moved to wrap his arm around his daughter, but she shrugged out of his embrace and disappeared up the stairs. If he had to guess, she was joining Aelin and Evalin.

“I’m worried about her,” Rowan and Arden said at the same time, the former cracking a half smile.

“Me too,” Endymion agreed, fingernail tapping against the counter while he looked over his shoulder. Rowan opened his mouth to speak, but the soft closing of a door followed by the squeak of the top stair silenced him. A moment later, his three girls were filing into the kitchen. Aelin hugged each of her babies, pressing kisses to their cheeks that they didn’t shy away from.

“We ready?” Arden asked, picking up the bag he’d brought in with him. Aelin nodded and rubbed her hand over Genny’s upper back.

Genevieve had always been the most anxious of their kids in the worst way. Over the last year, her panic attacks had only gotten worse and nobody really knew how to help her. A few months ago, she had finally caved and agreed to start taking medicine for it when she needed to. Judging by the way she stood, worrying her lip and twining the ends of her silver hair into tiny braids, Rowan wondered if she was already debating taking one of those pills to keep the monsters of the day at bay.

The ride was quiet. The only conversation consisted of Aelin and Rowan asking Evalin, Jamie, and Arden about their college courses. The youngest three Whitethorns stayed quiet and listened while looking out the windows and tapping on their phones. No music filled the empty silences— the last five minutes was nothing but garbled road noise and turn signals, the occasional sniffle of a nose, or a small sigh.

When the car was put in park, nobody moved immediately. Aelin stared through the windshield, fingers drumming on the gear shift. Rowan lay his on top of hers, but she didn’t look over at him. Instead, she tucked her bottom lip between her teeth and, after several heartbeats, nodded. Only then did the kids file out of the back seats, Genevieve going to take her mother’s left hand while Arden took her right. Rowan walked beside Endymion and attempted to steady his son when he stumbled over a rock that was hidden in the grass.

They walked through the cemetery, moving by headstone after headstone. Some of them were large and ornate weeping angels, others were crosses jutting out of the ground. A fair few were simple concrete rectangles in the ground with a vase for flowers. The one they came to stop at was something in between.

It was about two feet high in the middle of the graveyard, simple text embedded into the shiny quartzite stone. A large hawk had been carved into its surface, wings spread wide mid-flight, beak parted as though it were releasing a fierce battle-cry. There was no vase for flowers anywhere near it. Instead, piles of stones were left all around it. They were in all shapes, sizes, and colors. One had a painted hawk on the surface that he knew Genevieve’s boyfriend had left behind at the funeral last year.

Arden placed the bag he carried on the ground and they let Aelin be the first to pick her stone. She picked a large smooth one, a paler gray than the headstone itself that fit perfectly in her palm. She folded her legs beneath her body as she knelt before it, trembling fingers tracing over the name.

ROWAN M. WHITETHORN

JULY 16, 1970 - NOVEMBER 11, 2020

HUSBAND. FATHER. HERO.

TO WHATEVER END.

A breeze shifted through the air, moving Aelin’s hair across her face and she could have sworn it was warm. She could have sworn she smelled the familiar pine and snow scent that she would always and forever associate with her husband. Aelin could have sworn it felt like a lover’s caress, like fingers brushing away the tear that slipped down her cheek.

Aelin wasn’t sure how long she sat there, surrounded by their children. Each of them swapped their favorite stories about their late father, about what they missed most. All of them cried enough tears that Terrasen could hit a rare drought but the patch of grass they held each other in would still be green as ever.

When they finally stood, the air had dropped a few more degrees because the sun had never come out to keep them warm. It made that fleeting warm breeze even more bizarre, the one that smelled like him, considering the one that rustled the leaves on the nearby tree was cold enough to bite.

Out of the corner of her eye, she swore she saw him. She swore she saw a head of silver hair sock his head in her direction, but she blinked and he was gone, her oldest son stepping up in the place she thought she saw him, felt him, smelled him. Silver hair faded into a golden blonde that matched her own, but the eyes that peered down at her were as bright green as his father’s. Aelin felt her face crumple as she leaned into him, resting her temple against his shoulder. She inhaled hard, desperate for that pine scent to feel her lungs, desperate to erase the last year of her life without him. Desperate to pretend that he was still alive and it was his shoulder that she put her weight on.

But it wasn’t. And it wouldn’t be.

Still, as she looped her arm through his and started to walk back toward the car with their kids, she spared a last glance over her shoulder, projecting their vows into the void of the world: to whatever end.

She wasn’t sure what it was, but Aelin was almost positive she heard his voice whisper it back as another strange, warm breeze wrapped around her and left her completely breathless.

#tog #rowaelin #throne of glass #rowan whitethorn #writing #my writing #aelin galathynius #whitethorn clan #whitethorn kids #tog gen 2 #fanfic #tog fic #tog fanfic #happiness

[toomuchchelsea]

Mason Mount

dating mason includes

late night drives

walking in on mase watching porn (smut)

riding mason’s thigh (smut)

your and mason’s sex song (smut)

one of mason’s teammates walking in on you having sex (smut)

mason fucking you while you wear his jersey (smut)

dancing seductively with mason during a chelsea event

mason’s turn-ons

you get defensive when you see a girl trying to flirt with mase in the club

mason’s kinks

matching tattoos with mason

mason rapping “final fantasy” to you and he’s teasing case y'all fuck regularly to this song, and your friends are filming it

mason looking after you whilst you’re 8 months pregnant

mason catching you fingering yourself in the morning next to him (smut)

mason coming home to see you passed out with his hoodie on

overhearing mason call you missus during an interview

mason drooling over you in a bikini

mason getting jealous then protective when he sees a guy harassing you at the club

nutmegging mason in training and play-fighting with him as ruben films it all

mason and you always playfully bantering and people always catch it on video for the fans

fans noticing that mason’s lock screen is you and freaking out

mason gives you a necklace with his name on it and kisses it before every match

being late to pick mason up from training and he teases you but takes it too far

cheering mason up after he has a bad match

mason has a nightmare in which you died

taking care of mason following a bad match

mason whispering sweet nothings into your ear to help you fall asleep

mason proposes to you, even though a lot of fans think you’re both too young

mason not knowing you’re a good artist and completely in awe when he sneaks up on you and sees you sketching him

mason and your chelsea mates finding out you’re an amazing singer

mason and you jamming to kygo’s version of often in the car and ruben filming it for the world to see

fluffy and smutty playlists for mason (part 1) (part 2)

mason singing “no guidance” to you in the club and tammy catching the whole thing on film

mason always carrying you around on his back cause you’re tiny

babysitting with mason

first time with mase (smut)

you and mase play fighting and he accidentally gets a boner

you have a relapse

you leave nail marks on mason’s back and he gets teased by the lads

you and mase talking dirty and ruben teases you two about it

the morning after with mason

having big boobs and mase and the boys getting distracted by them

overhearing mason talk about you two being childhood sweethearts during the filming of a chelsea documentary

mason surprising you with a group trip to dubai for your birthday (smut)

mason wants to put a red room in your new penthouse

ice skating with mason but you’re horrible so he’s teaching you

giving mason a lap dance to your sex song and then getting hot and heavy in the bathroom of the club (smut)

wearing matching pajamas with mason during a movie night with the boys

mason giving you his hoodie when he sees you shivering at dinner after a game

wearing a backless dress to a chelsea event and not noticing mason’s nail marks on your back

mason announcing your pregnancy in a celebration after scoring a goal in a match

mason surprising you on valentine’s day with rose petals all over your house 

mason taking care of you when you’re on your period

always calling mason papi to tease him and being absolutely shook when he called you mamas/mami

getting into a car crash and mason finds out during a match

mason and you joining the mile high club on the chelsea jet (smut)

cuddles with mase, ignoring all the teasing coming from the boys

you and mason getting married abroad

mase giving you his blazer during a cold night out and giving you cuddles and kisses while you two chat with the lads

being in a clingy mood in the morning and not wanting mason to go to training

leaking at mason’s and he takes care of you

a player is being super pervy towards you and both you and mason shred him in half

mason celebrating his goal with you on the sidelines

bowling and karaoke with mason and the lads

mason and you go to your favorite artist’s concert

going ice skating with mason and he’s shocked at how incredible you are at it

mason eating you out (smut)

having a panic attack on the sidelines on a match and mason stops playing and runs over to you

a group of girls try to flirt with mason and insult you and he gets protective and goes off on them

mason being absolutely shocked when he hears you sing loudly for the first time

inside jokes with mason, you two always mumbling “kiss me” to one another anytime you want a kiss

fans loving how open you and mason are about your sex life when they see an interview where you two are asked about it

mason walking around the house without a shirt on and teasing the hell out of you

you having a thing for mason’s accent

mason’s voice soothing your insomnia

mason and you rapping and dancing wildly to a song in the car and tammy films it

the boys posting on their stories about you and mase falling asleep on each other

taking mason with you to get your nails done

mason teasing you at dinner with your dad and 7 brothers

one of mase’s teammates walks in on you two having shower sex (smut)

mason giving you a back rub

you have a big ass and it distracts mason and the boys

being a good singer and going bowling + karaoke with mase and the lads

mason taking care of drunken you in your clingy + horny state

walking down the stairs in Mason’s shirt from last night and seeing him cooking you breakfast

you and mase aren’t allowed near each other during sleepovers with the lads but you try to sneak around it anyway

surprising mason with a puppy

being part of little mix and dating mason

being worried about mason getting injured during the chelsea-norwich game

mason being an exhibitionist (but make it funny)

fucking mason in a VS dressing room (smut)

mason gets seriously injured so you take care of him and hear him tell ruben “she’s the one I’m gonna marry”

having sex with mase while you’re pregnant (smut)

birthday sex with mase (his birthday) (smut)

dancing to jp cooper’s “the only reason” at your and mason’s wedding

inviting christian into the bedroom with you and mason (smut)

you being brought up in mason and declan’s roommate video

mason getting injured :(

mason having your name on his boots

mason wearing your uni hoodie while out running errands and he’s asked about it in an interview

you and mason “arguing” because you like spicy food and he doesn’t

you post a cutesy video of you and mason and it goes viral

telling mason you want an ice lolly to suck on and he says “I have something you can suck”

mason dedicating a goal to you by kissing his ring finger

sharing a photo of you and mase when you were younger and everyone is gushing over your relationship

trying to get mason to relax before a big game

you and mason are long distance but one day you surprise him with a house you bought for you two in london

you and mason dress up as bonnie and clyde for halloween

mason comforting you as you’re literally crying in pain

mason dancing close to you to hide your body from the gazes of creepy guys at clubs

mason secretly learning spanish so he can call you cute foreign nicknames

you accidentally post a video of mason whispering something dirty in your ear

declan noticing bruises on your hips from mason and you’re wearing a turtleneck

mason playing with your fingers whenever he gets nervous

telling mason you’re pregnant on christmas day

mason helping you through anorexia/bulimia

mason defending you after someone says something racist to you about being latina

drunk mason being super clingy and horny

mason helping you take your make up off and get to bed after you come home drunk from a girls night out

mason sharing a room with tammy and you two are fucking in the bed beside him (smut)

tammy seeing your initials in hickeys on mason’s chest

surprising mason by wearing his jersey to a chelsea game even though you’re a man u fan

singing ariana grande’s christmas n chill to mason in front of a crowd

cockwarming with mason (smut)

mason and the lads watching you do the bushtucker trial on I’m A Celebrity

being on I’m A Celebrity and getting your letter from mason

riding mason for the first time and it’s the best he’s ever had (smut)

mason finding out about your panic attacks

#mason mount #mason mount masterlist #football masterlist

[cheeseburgersstuff]

Our New Life- 19

Steve rogers

Damon salvatore

Warnings: language, mistakes, shitty plot…

master-list

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The next morning they both were getting ready to go back. She was feeling nervous because this time she wasn't going to find Katherine. She was going to find her happiness. It was her turn to live her life. To come out of her insecurities and embrace who she was, she was going to let him accept her.

Despite her negative thoughts, there was still hope, after seeing him right in front of her, she felt hope, a light after years of darkness and failure. Maybe everything was going to be fine now. With that thought in her mind, she sat in the car with a smile on her face.

~

"You got some food cause I'm hungry, we can also go outside if you want," Damon said with a smirk, making her roll her eyes. She knew what food he was talking about.

She went into the kitchen and brought a bag of blood and put it in hand roughly.

"No need to go out," she said with a bitter smile.

Damon sat on the couch and started to watch some shitty show on the TV.

Suddenly someone knocked on the door, making her panic for no reason. She mentioned Damon going inside the room. When he was out of sight she went to open the door, only to see a man with a patch on his eye.

'Um… how can I help you?" She knew who he was and him being there wasn't a good thing.

"May I come in?" He asked politely. "No" y/n replied instantly, she had to be rude. Her mind was yelling to shut the door on his face.

"I knew you would say that I'm just here to talk. I know that you know me very well, just like I know about you. We could talk somewhere else too, but I think your friend inside would worry where you went." He was still smiling.

She looked at him with wide eyes, how did he know about Damon, was he following her.

She took a breath and mentioned him to come inside.

After locking the door, she turned towards him, "you were following me? You know how wrong it is, no matter who the hell you are, I'm not one of your agents or workers you could keep an eye on." She spat furiously.

"Well, you should think about that when you were helping citizens with a strange level of speed. Everyone is talking about you. They don't know you, you are just a girl with strange powers for them." He said, taking a step towards her, "but you know, I know who you are." He smiled.

Before she could say anything, Damon came and seized him by his neck. "Who the fuck you think you are?" Damon hissed at him. Y/n instantly went to free him from Damon.

"Damon, let him go" she pushed him away from the man.

The man took deep breaths and looked towards them.

"I knew coming here, a house with two vampires would be dangerous." He coughed. Y/n gave him a glass of water and helped him sit.

After some moments of silence, she spoke, "who are you, how do you know about us? And why are you here?" She asked with a stern voice.

He chuckled, "I thought you knew about me, I'm Nick Fury, director of the S.H.I.E.L.D., and about how I know about who you guys are. Well, almost every founding family member has an old family journal, so does I." Fury said, making both of them confused.

"Can you elaborate please?" Damon said, feeling annoyed.

"My family was one of the founding families. But when they got to know about all the vampire shit and stuff, they moved out of there. I have just read about vampires in that journal, thinking this was all a made-up story. But then seeing you there, the first thing that came into my mind was that journal. And then obviously I did some research and I got to know the lady, who was keeping an eye on my agents from, a year, is the one who saved those people there."

"You thought I didn't know about your activities? I knew about you, just couldn't get my hands on you, but then you came into the battle, becoming a hero and making it easy for me to come after you." Everything he told her was making her confused. Was he also involved with Katherine? It was possible, he knew about vampires.

She wasn't expecting anything like that. She was there to make her life better, not to put it in more mess.

She sighed "now what do you want from me? Go with you with handcuffs, for investigation? Tell you why I was after your men?" She asked. Damon looked at her incredulously, feeling a defeat, tiredness in her voice.

"Hey, it's okay, we can compel him" he put a hand on her shoulder.

Before she could say anything, fury spoke: "not to make you feel bad, I wear vervain." He showed them his bracelet.

"But don't worry, I'm not here to arrest you or to tell me what were you up to? Because I know that. I also had a suspension of having a vampire's involvement but of course, I couldn't find anything. I just want you to join my team. You both would help each other, you need a team to find that person, and we need you. Help us, making it clean, what stark built what you built."

His words, making her head pound, how did he know about her, helping Stark, no one knew.

"How much do you know about me exactly?" She asked furiously, her eyes filled with blood, her veins popping out as if she was threatening him.

Damon tried to calm her, but she wasn't listening to anything.

Fury held his hand high.

" I just saw a picture of you with stark. No one knows who you are. It's just one picture and a few things about you, Stark wrote. About your friendship and your help. I also didn't know until I saw you. But no one else knows and I'll make sure of that. I also need your help, trust me." He never used this pathetic tone with anyone in his life, he, of course, had backup, but he wanted her to join the Avengers.

She had powers, she was a hero and people needed that, so the next time someone would dare to attack the Earth, Earth would be ready to retaliate.

He needed her to save her from her darkness, to keep her away from the monster inside her and close to her human side.

He wanted to find the one who was invading his home, his life. He spent all these years for SHIELD, he couldn't let it fall now. He needed her to save it.

There were so many reasons he needed her for. That no one can do but her. No one would believe him, his vampire story. But she knew and she would help him. She would save what she built with her late friend.

"I'll be waiting for your answer." He said and stood up to leave. There was nothing else to say. He knew she would save SHIELD. But little did he know, she wasn't only thinking about SHIELD, she was thinking about saving herself. This was what she needed.

She knew there was no other option. A bit of courage and she would be able to make everything fine. Her life, Steve, Katherine, SHIELD, she would do what she wanted to do, save the world.

The key to making everything fine was becoming an Avenger...

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A/N: If you still read this shitty fic thank you so much for your patience :')

I feel so bad for not posting on time... 🤧

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@krazykatkay456​

​@ifilosemyselfagain​

​@strangelycami​

@silver-winter-wolf

@elliee1497​​

@missdforever​

@be-patient-be-good​

@unknownmystery22

#steve rogers x reader #damon salvatore x reader #captain america x reader #chris evans x reader #chris evans #Captain America #steve rogers #marvel #damon salvatore #tvd #the vampire diaries #cross over #our new life

[imagines-r-s]

sticking it - j. farabee

chapter 8

a/n: idk why this chapter took so long, but here it is. it’s very domestic and wholesome, so enjoy it. honestly i’m sad we’re so close to the series ending, but there will be more y/n and joel from the sticking it au i promise. and as always, lmk what you all think

taglist: @butgilinsky @barbienoturbby @sunsetholland @lovenhlboys @sortagaysortahigh @hockey-racing-fubol @oopsiedoopsie23 @iwantahockeyhimbo @dreamsndior @itsurgirlgracie @heartshapedkissxs @lwstuff

warnings: more high school musical references, a sprinkle of angst, friends fighting, idk if it counts as an innuendo or suggestive content, but some of that (not a warning, but Adrian content and ‘no thoughts, head empty’ Joel)

sticking it masterlist

wc: 6.1k

  “All I’m saying is that it doesn’t make sense that she’s the only one standing, singing to Troy about scoring a basket. Like what if someone showed up to the game late and didn’t get the memo to twist the signs around and stay seated, you know? And it’s not just Gabriella standing up,” you said, grabbing multiple outfits to choose from for the movie night that you had been invited to. 

“Well, I don’t think that it was really an ‘ok, everybody. One person is going to be staying up, but everybody else stay seated and lift your sign’ sorta thing. I feel like it was just a heat of the moment thing,” Joel replied as he walked out of the bathroom. 

“Yeah, but it still doesn’t make sense. And I’m curious to know if that mid-game duet actually motivated Troy or if he was just annoyed or something.”

“If you sang to me mid-game, I would honestly probably throw a stick at you. Out of love, obviously.” 

“That’s sweet of you, not really, but I’ll take it,” you said, turning towards Joel, “I don’t know what to wear to movie night.”

“It’s not really like you have to try to impress anyone, it’s just movie night,” Joel said, as he scrolled on his phone, “but you look hot in anything, so I’m chilling.”

“You’re definitely just saying that,” you said, rolling your eyes.

“Yeah, you’re right. You in the mornings is kinda concerning, not your best look,” he said, pointedly.

“That was not an opportunity for you to say something like that, I will throw a chair at you.” 

“That’s concerning, but well deserved. I’m sure it would be out of the kindness of your heart, so I respect it.”

“You better respect it, Farabee.”

“Oooh, the last name. I’m shaking in my boots,” he said to which you immediately shot a glare his way, “actually, you’re very hot when you’re mad, not gonna lie.”

“Better watch yourself, Beezer, you’re on thin ice,” you said, jokingly.

“Good thing I know how to skate, babe,” he retorted, making his way towards you. 

“You’re annoying,” you huffed as Joel wrapped his arms around you in a bear hug, “Bee, you better stop.” He lightly pecked the top of your head before stepping back, “wait, what was that?”

“What? The hug or me kissing the top of your head?”

“Both?”

“It’s called a display of affection. I know you aren’t familiar since you show your love by threatening to throw chairs at the people you care about, but that’s what that was.” 

“Oh, it was nice,” you said, which caused Joel to chuckle.

“God, I love you,” he paused for a moment, clearly contemplating something, “this is kinda random, but have you ever thought about posting about our relationship? Or is that a no in the gymnastics world?”

“I mean, yeah, I have thought about it. I just haven’t because I didn’t know how you felt, but if you want to post it you can.”

“Why don’t you post it first?”

“Why don’t you? You brought it up?” you questioned. 

“You confuse me so much sometimes and I’m usually confused, so it makes it kinda worse,” he said honestly.

“How about whenever we get back here tonight, we post at the same time?” you offered.

“Sounds okay with me. Come on, we have to go if we want to make it on time,” he said, softly. 

…..

“Hey, it’s Short Stack and Beezer,” Travis said, as he opened his front door.

“I still don’t know why you of all people call me Short Stack, Tiki Bar,” you said to which he simply shrugged before opening the door more to let the two of you in. 

“Ooh, Short Stack, Karly has something for you. I think she went upstairs,” you sent a confused look to Travis, “it’s nothing bad, just go.” You rolled your eyes as you made your way up the steps.

“Karly?” you called as you walked closer to her and Travis’ room.

“I’m in here,” she called. As you walked into her room, you quickly noticed her shuffling through the things in her closet, pulling out a box that had clearly been wrapped in a hurry. 

“What’s that?”

“Just open it, I hope you like it,” she rushed. 

“Um, alright,” you tore off the wrapping paper and opened the box to reveal what looked like a regular denim jacket, “a denim jacket?” you said, earning an eye roll from her. 

“Take it out of the box, Sunshine.” You picked up the corners of the jacket to see that there were multiple patches with the flyers logo and bees on the sleeves, turning it around to see a number 86 and Farabee on the back.

“Karly, wha-”

“Look, I know you and him haven’t announced it officially yet or anything like that, but I figured that you would like it. I even got the bees on there for obvious reasons. I wouldn’t be upset if you didn’t wear it out, but you needed one,” she said, gently.

“I- Wow, I love it, Karly. Thank you,” you said, giving her a quick hug. 

“You should wear it downstairs or at least show him at some point.”

“Oh no, I was just going to keep it in a bag in my closet for a while until he inevitably finds it,” you said, sarcastically.

“No need for the sass, Sunshine. You should try it on though, I want to see what it looks like,” she suggested, her smile only growing as she saw that it looked amazing on you, “oh yes, the bee patches really add to it. Definitely a great choice on my part.”

“Always the humble one. Come on, we have to start the movies eventually.”

“Wait, you’re wearing it downstairs?” she asked, to which you simply nodded as you walked ahead of her down the stairs. 

Travis was the first to notice your arrival downstairs as he talked to Joel, smiling as he saw that you were wearing the jacket that his girlfriend had stressed over for days, “hey, y/n, I’m really liking this new look.”

“Hey man,” Joel started as he had his back turned towards you, quickly turning around after hearing that you arrived downstairs, “watch yours-” He immediately recognized that similar jacket that many of his teammates significant other wore to games, a perfect sign showing off their boyfriend or husband. “Wait, hold up.”

“Yes,” you answered, already knowing what he was going to ask.

“Swag,” he answered simply as he walked closer to you to examine the jacket. “Are those bees? Why are there bees?”

“Hmm, no idea. They’re just randomly there,” you retorted. 

“Beezer, did you get knocked in the head at practice or something? I’m very concerned, dude,” Nicole asked from beside Nolan. 

“Why are there bees? I don’t understand,” he asked, frantically.

“He’s hopeless,” Nolan whispered to Nicole.

“Bee, did you forget your own name?” you asked.

“Bee,” he paused, “ohhhh, that’s me. Those are for me, wait, turn around,” you rolled your eyes as you turned around to see the back of the jacket, “oh, that’s my name.”

“Yeah, no shit, Sherlock,” Kevin said, concerned from the whole exchange. 

“He’s just having one of his moments. Be nice, Kev,” you said, holding back a laugh as you turned back towards your boyfriend who looked like there was something wrong, “Bee, you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I just- you got my name on a jacket. You usually aren’t this nice, but this is something nice, so I’m just worried something is wrong with you,” he said, genuinely. 

You visibly gaped as the guys around you howled in laughter as Karly spoke up, “technically, I got her the jacket, she’s just wearing it.”

“Ohhh, okay, that makes more sense.”

“Damn, y/n/n, how badly do you treat the poor kid?” Scott asked from the couch.

“Better watch yourself, Scotty,” you said, shooting him a glare. 

“Let’s just get the movie started before Short Stack attacks someone,” Travis added. 

Drawing names to see who would pick the movie, Nicole picked out the movie, Stick It, which had always been one of her favorites. It was expected for people to be getting up during the movie, but when you noticed Nicole missing from seeing her favorite movie, you became worried that something had happened, “psst, did you see where Nicole went?” you whispered over to Joel. 

“No, did you see where Nolan went?” he asked you, which caused you to grow suspicious as you noticed both of them were gone. “Maybe they’re just making out in the kitchen or something?”

“Why would they be making out? They’re just friends.”

“Dude, they’re still friends in the same way you and me are still friends.”

“No, because if something were going on she would tell me and I think it would be obvious.” 

“Look, I know I’m oblivious, but you choose to ignore a lot of obvious details just because.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

“Fine, if we get up and find them together or doing something romantic? I don’t know, but either way, you have to post that we’re together first, but I choose the caption.”

“Is that a bet?”

“Yes,” to which the two of you shook on it. 

“Hey guys, how many of you think there’s something going on with Nolan and Nicole?” Joel asked the group. 

“Oh, yeah, I’ve noticed for months, they just haven’t done anything about it out of fear of what y/n will think,” Karly said like it was some simple statement. 

“What do you mean that they fear what I would think?” you asked, causing everyone to look at you. 

“Short Stack, you are literally this little spitfire that could attack at any moment, they just don’t want to upset you,” Travis added just as the pair walked back into the living room, “ah, here’s the two lovebirds now.” 

A flash of panic crossed Nicole’s face as Nolan blushed, “no, I just needed help getting drinks and Nolan was right there.”

“Okay, then where are the drinks and why does Nolan have a hickey?” Scott pointed out. 

“I forget them in the kitchen and Nolan burnt himself with a curling iron,” she offered. 

“Karly, did you leave your curling iron in the kitchen again? Silly goose,” Travis said. 

Joel quickly noticed how quiet you were from beside him, “hey, babe. What’s wrong?”

“I’m okay, I’m going to go and get a drink really quick,” you said, softly smiling before heading into the kitchen. Everyone’s eyes followed you as you retreated back to the kitchen, Nicole sighed, the guilt of not telling you finally hitting her. 

“Do you want me to come with you?” Nolan offered.

“No, this is definitely between the two of us,” she answered before following you, “y/n/n, look-”

“Nicole, it’s fine,” you said, filling a cup with ice. 

“It’s obviously not, I know you better than that,” she said, gently, waiting for a response from you, “look, this honestly hasn’t gone to anything serious yet because I knew I needed to tell you. I know I shouldn’t have kept it from you and that you would have been fine with it, we just didn’t want anyone to know. No one really knew, Karly just picked up on it because she’s Karly and everyone else figured it out. And I know you knew something was going on, you just didn’t want to accept it.”

“I don’t have an issue with it, I would have rather you just tell me straight up what’s happening, but I had to find out because Joel made a joke and you couldn’t give Nolan a hickey where it wasn’t visible,” you said honestly, filling your cup with water. 

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to offer, there wasn’t really another reason other than we didn’t know how you would react,” she said, leaning back on the kitchen counter as you stared at the cup in your hand, “y/n/n, please say something. I’ll break it off if-”

“I would never make you break things off with him and you know that. How long has this been going on?” 

“Uh, we’ve liked each other for a while, but didn’t do anything about it until you had to go back on crutches, so maybe a few weeks.”

“Gotcha, gotcha.”

“Are you mad at us? It was my idea, Nolan said we should just tell you, but-”

“Nic, please. I’m not mad, I knew something was up, I was just more focused on other things. Does he make you happy?” you asked, looking back up at her, smiling at the small blush that had rushed up to her face. 

“Yeah, he really does.” 

“Then, I’m chilling. Come on, you already missed half of your favorite movie making out with Nols,” she laughed as the two of you made your way back. 

“You good, y/n/n?” Kevin asked as you sat by Joel again, who wrapped his arms around your shoulder. 

“Maybe you should ask Nicole, just to make sure y/n/n didn’t attack her,” Scott added. 

“Eh, I’ve known her for years, I have a few strategies,” Nicole said, simply. 

“Oh, shut up, Nicky,” you said, jokingly rolling your eyes. 

“I know damn well that you did not just say Nicky,” she said, shocked. 

“Oh, did I?”

“You want to take this outside, babe.”

“Hmm, maybe tomorrow.” 

“I’m concerned, but this is entertaining,” Travis said, to which everyone else agreed.  

“I’ll record it and post it on world-star,” Joel added. 

“Thanks, babe. Oh and Patty Lapone, if you hurt her, I will bust your kneecaps,” you said, faking sweetness.

“Understandably, so,” Nolan said, honestly. 

“Glad we’re on the same page. And Nicky, don’t hurt him either.” 

“Noted,” Nicole said.

“Hey babe, you know you have to post us first now, right?” Joel said, smirk growing on his face, “and I get to choose the caption.”

“You’re letting him choose the caption?” Karly asked, “good luck, Sunshine.”

…..

“So, do you know what picture you’re going to post? I have mine picked out,” Joel asked you as you finished your night routine. 

“I’m still upset that you won that bet, but probably the picture of us that’s my wallpaper,” you said, patting your face dry. 

“What picture?” Joel asked, confused as to what you meant. 

“Oh, Karly took a bunch of pictures the day we were at the lake and the one that’s my wallpaper is the one where you’re about to throw me in the water and I’m laughing at you. Or I might post one of the pictures Nicole took of us where I’m wearing your jersey,” you explained. 

“Ok, one, why haven’t I seen these and two, why didn’t you send me them?” 

“Oh, I don’t know, you never asked.”

“I never knew.” 

“Same thing?” you offered before walking out of the bathroom to sit on your bed as Joel grabbed his bag to start packing for the next day.

“Ok, well get the post ready and I’ll caption it,” Joel said, holding his hand out. 

“Please keep it reasonable, I am an example to tiny humans.”

“Kids?”

“Same thing,” you said, handing your phone over to him, already open to instagram. 

Joel had been thinking about what he would caption this post for the rest of the day after you had talked about going public. Quickly typing up the caption and tagging himself, he posted it, “okay, all done.”

“It didn’t take you that long?”

“Yeah, I know. I kinda figured it out earlier,” he said, shrugging and handing you back your phone. As you saw the notifications for the post, you opened it to see the picture of you two captioned ‘the bee to my honey’. 

“That is so incredibly cheesy and adorable,” you said, smiling at your phone, “Karly already commented upset that you didn’t give her photo credit though, but she said the caption wasn’t terrible.”

“Yeah, I’m so good with words, babe. We’ve established this.”

“You’re truly something. Wait, are you captioning yours ‘the honey to my bee’ because that way it’s just in reverse?”

“Yeah, we’re just that cool,” Joel said, handing you his packing list, “will you go over this with me to make sure I have everything?”

“Superstitious King, ok, um, your garment bag with your suit?” you continued down the list as you heard him respond to everything you said, “Glasses? Glasses? Why do you have glasses on this list?”

“Because I need them to see?” he said, confused by your question. 

“Since when have you worn glasses?”

“A while actually, I just don’t wear them all that often,” he shrugged. 

“Wait, what do they look like on you?” you asked, watching as he contemplated showing you before reaching in his bag and grabbing his glasses case. 

“If you make any jokes, I will never wear them around you again,” he said before putting them on. “Ok, one joke, and that’s all.” He was shocked by how quiet you were, “y/n/n, please just make the joke already while I’m prepared for it.”

“Oh no, I actually don’t have a joke this time. You look really good in glasses.” 

“Oh, a compliment?”

“Ha ha, yeah, I can be nice sometimes. But no, you genuinely look hot in those, you look hot in general, but like, now especially,” you continued rambling. 

“Awe, you’re being nice and I made you nervous,” he cooed. 

“You don’t make me nervous, Farabee,” you said, rolling your eyes. 

“Oh, I don’t? Okay,” he took steps closer to you standing in front of you and placing his arms on either side of you, smirking as he heard your breath hitch, “you sure I don’t make you nervous?”

“Y-you don’t,” you replied, watching his actions closely as he leaned his face closer to yours, placing his hand on your thigh before leaning beside your ear. 

“Okay, then,” he whispered before standing back up to finish packing, a smirk lacing his features. 

“That was rude,” you pouted, to which he simply shrugged. “Yeah, that’s not going to work, babe. Karma is a real thing,” you said, watching as he furrowed his brows.

“What do you mean?” 

“Karma,” you said, before just grabbing a longer shirt of his for pajamas and heading to the bathroom to change. Coming back minutes later to see Joel in bed, leaning against the headboard, already looking your way. 

“y/n,” he said, cautiously, “please say there’s something underneath my shirt.”

“I don’t know, Bee, is there?” you asked, pulling the comforter back on your bed as you laid down for bed. 

“I don’t like this game, it’s not that fun,” he said, moving down to lay his head on your chest, your hand instinctively going to his hair. 

“Karma is karma, pretty boy,” you said, chuckling when you felt him start to trace patterns on your thigh, obviously looking for a way to tell if you had shorts on. “You have to be up in a few hours and Kevin and Nol will barge in here tomorrow morning if you aren’t on time.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you going to answer my question?”

“You didn’t ask a question.”

“You’re really annoying sometimes. Are you going to answer my statement?” 

“You still love me though and I won’t answer your statement,” you said, softly, knowing that he was ready to fall asleep. “Goodnight, Bee.”

“Goodnight, babe.”

The alarm for the start of Joel’s day went off way too soon, but he knew he needed to get up. Quickly turning off his alarm to avoid waking you up, he got up to get his shower and get dressed for his day. 

After getting a text from Nolan that they would be at your door in about 5 minutes, he decided to tell you goodbye, “y/n/n, baby, it’s time for me to go.”

“You don’t have to go, tell them you can’t go,” you said, half asleep, barely even realizing what you were saying. 

“As much as I wish I could, it doesn’t work like that, babe.”

“Well have you tried to see if it would work?” he chuckled at your question. 

“I love you and I’ll see you in a few days, alright,” he kissed the top of your head before grabbing his bags and heading out to the living room to wait on Kevin and Nolan. Taking a seat on the couch as he waited, he heard the bedroom door open with footsteps following, “you should go back to sleep.”

“I have to go to PT in a few hours, so might as well be up,” you said, “plus, I kinda want to say bye to Kev and Nols.”

“You have PT at noon, it’s almost 5am. Once we leave, please try to get some sleep.” 

“Awe, Bee, you worried about me?”

“Unfortunately I’m always worried about you and you’re such a chaotic person that it’s reasonable and the concern only ever grows.”

“That’s true, I am kinda chaotic,” you said, causing him to chuckle. 

“Just a tad.”

The sound of the key turning and door opening drew yours and Joel’s attention away from each other for a moment, “sup, bitches,” Kevin’s voice rang out. 

“What the fuck, Kev?” you asked, grabbing a blanket from your couch, wrapping it around you. 

“Rise and shine, y/n/n. Hope you slept well, now we have to leave, so say bye to your boy,” Kevin added, turning back to leave again. 

“Ok, I have to get going, shawty bae. Go get some sleep, text me how PT goes, and tell Adrian I said hi. Bye, babe,” he kissed the top of your head once more before grabbing his bag and heading on his way. 

…..

“So, no lover boy today?” Adrian asked as you stepped into his office. 

“No, not today,” you said, sitting down on the bench, “him and the boys have an away game tonight, so they left this morning and will be back in a few days.” 

“So, I assume things are going well?” he asked, rolling his chair over to you. 

“Yeah, things are going very well. We posted about us being together officially on instagram last night.” 

“Oh, wow. Instagram, that’s crazy,” he said, sarcastically. 

“Hey, shush. It’s a bigger step than you think.”

“Oh, yes. The power couple that you two athletes are, hmm. Forgot about that.”

“Stop, it’s not that crazy. It just kinda is a big step in my opinion.”

“Well, I am happy for you and I’m also proud of you for actually listening to me and staying off your knee.”

“Hey, that rhymed,” you softly interrupted. 

“Ha ha, so funny. Anyways, with how it looks now, I say you’re good to start training again,” he said, taking the time to examine your knee. He could tell that you had actually listened to what he had told you, just like he hoped you had. He was excited to see you back to where you needed to be. 

“Like training training? Or just training?”

“Training training. Just be careful and don’t overwork yourself. I am aware that there isn’t much time before you have the U.S Championships, but don’t rush it. Take your time. Quality over quantity. Okay, Superstar?”

“Yeah, yeah, of course,” you said, excitedly, jumping off the bench to hug Adrian, “thank you.”

“Hey, I didn’t do anything, this is all you. But if anyone can do this, you can. Just take care of yourself, alright? I don’t want all my work to go to waste,” he said, jokingly. 

“Wow, I see how it is. I see how it is.”

“You know I’m joking, Superstar. Don’t even.”

“Do I, Adrian? Do I know that?”

“Just leave already,” he joked, “you have a lot of work to catch up on. Good luck, y/n/n.”

Knowing that the boys were either at lunch, wrapping up morning skate, or getting settled, you shot Kevin a quick text to call you whenever he had the chance; your phone rang only a few minutes later. “Hey, is everything okay?” Kevin’s concerned voice rang through.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine. Adrian cleared me to train again.”

“Aye, let’s go. Alright, so you have like, what? Two weeks before you leave for the U.S. Championships?” 

“Yeah, Marcus and Michelle already figured out all my travel arrangements months ago, so no worries there. I’m just worried about the fact that I have about 12 practices, but Marcus will probably worry and have me practice less, so about 10 practices? And what if-” you rambled. 

“No, we’re not doing the ‘what if’ conversations right now. Or anytime soon for that matter. You’ll get it. And if you have to simplify it for now, then that’s how it’ll be, but you stressing out right now is not going to change the number of practices you have or how they go. Only you can be the one to determine how practices go.”

“Since when did you get all wise, Kev?”

“I read this really inspirational fortune cookie earlier, it caused me to have a whole epiphany on life. Same old, same old.”

“Alright, wasn’t expecting that one, but I’m here for it. What are you guys up to?”

“What are we up to? Or what is Beezer up to?” Kevin asked, knowingly. 

“I was honestly just asking in general, but since you brought him up-” the two of you took a little bit of time to catch up. Him filling you in on how morning skate went and how the lineups for the game were looking. He also told you how the team was looking good this morning and that if they played how they needed to, they could easily win. 

You were still on the phone with Kevin by the time you pulled into the gym parking lot, “hey, I have to talk to Marcus about training, but I’ll probably talk to you after the game. Tell Bee I’ll talk to him later too. Bye, Kev.”

“Stay safe, be careful, make wise choices. I’ll talk to you later, y/n/n.”

Walking into the gym this time was different, almost similar to your first time back after everything, but right now you had the ability to train and to work how you needed to. You just needed to get back into your element. 

Knowing that the only practice going on was for the younger kids, you made your way up to Marcus’ office. Knocking gently on the door, you opened it to see him and Michelle sitting near his desk. “So, what’s the verdict?” Marcus asked, expectantly. 

“Well, there’s two weeks until Championships and I need to get this dismount,” you said, watching as the two of their smiles only grew. As the three of you went over everything that Adrian said, the three of you planned out the next two weeks. 

“Alright, Monday, Wednesday, and Friday morning practices, you can spend the whole practice on beam, drills, and conditioning, but afternoon practices you need to do other events.  Then, Tuesday and Thursdays will be working on other events, and Saturdays is just a markthrough day for routines,” Michelle explained easily, which showed that they had already thought of this beforehand. 

“And we’re going to ease into it again, but this time from doubles. We both know you can easily get back to where you need to and we also believe that with how determined you seem right now, you’ll be fine. If you do okay with doubles, we’ll move onto triples as soon as we can. If anyone can do it, you can,” Marcus said, honestly. 

…..

Checking his phone after the game was over, the smile on Joel’s face quickly grew at all the encouraging texts he had gotten from you. Quickly replying, he looked up to see most of the guys sharing knowing looks, “what?”

“Nothing, we can just easily tell who texted you from the way you looked at your phone,” Nolan pointed out. 

“You don’t really hide it, so it’s kinda obvious,” Carter added. 

“Well yeah, I don’t have a reason to hide it. My girl makes me happy,” Joel said, turning to see Kevin giving him a pointed look, “okay, maybe one reason to hide it.”

“Didn’t she have a PT appointment today? Any updates?” Scott asked, walking towards the younger guys.

“Oh, yeah. She got cleared and starts training again tomorrow,” Joel answered, causing all the team to smile.

Rushing to finish getting ready, so that he could FaceTime you, he grabbed his bag and made his way to an empty hallway to talk to you. The phone rang only a few times before you picked up, “hey, baby. You did really good at your game.”

“Thank you, thank you. I was thinking of you when I scored,” he said, watching behind you to see you walking around the apartment. 

“That was really cheesy.”

“Yeah, I realized that after I said it, but it’s the thought that counts,” he retaliated, causing you to chuckle, “did you get everything figured out with your coaches to start practicing again?” 

“Babe, you just won a game and you’re worried about my PT and training schedule?” 

“Well, I don’t have an explanation, but I get hockey 24/7 for the next few days, so I kinda want to hear about your life and gymnastics,” he said, honestly, which only made you smile. 

“Yeah, we got my training schedule figured out. I start practice again in the morning, but luckily I was able to work it out to where I have a day of just beam work to mostly do the dismount and drills and then the rest of the week is for other events. But I will have to travel for this meet, which I haven’t had to do in a while.”

“Oh, it’s in Texas? Right?” he asked, causing you to hum in agreement, “and how long before you leave?”

“Well, I leave the Wednesday night before, podium training on Thursday, and then, competition Friday and Sunday. And then I’ll be back Monday.”

“Ah, so I get to know how you feel when I’m on the road.”

“Yep, and you’ll know much it sucks,” you said, rolling your eyes. 

You were happy that Joel was happy and playing the sport that he loved, but him being on the road often threw off the routine that the two of you had with each other. Waking up next to each other; either making or getting breakfast; him driving you to practice before going to his; jamming out to music as the two of you prepared for your day; the list goes on. 

“Awe, you just miss me so much. It’s understandable really.”

“Don’t get cocky, Farabee,” you said. 

“It’s okay to admit that you-”

“Bee, I will hang up on you,” you threatened.

“Babe, you would miss me too much,” he said, making you roll your eyes once again. 

“Bye, Beezer,” you said, hitting the end call button. 

He simply smiled at the action, knowing well enough that if he called back you would decline and that you were too stubborn to call him back. Quickly sending you a goodnight text, he made his way back to the locker room, not missing all the chirps the boys had to say in response. 

…..

You spent the Monday and Wednesday of that week working on drills to be able to do the dismount. With the boys still gone until Friday, you spent your practices wisely and used any extra time that you could at the gym. Your routines were getting back to where they needed to be and you couldn’t have been happier. The drills that you were doing to work your dismount were also working out very well. 

“I want you to try a few triple dismounts. Just a triple and by tomorrow I want you to go for the 3.5 twist. The drills you’re doing aren’t really doing anything at this point, you’ve basically mastered them. So, I do believe if you really work towards it, you could get the quad twist by Olympic Trials, you will compete a 3.5 for U.S. Championships, but with the way practices are going I firmly believe the quad is only a few tries away from you,” Marcus told you as you did your beam warm up.

“Marcus, I-”

“You’re doing the dismount,” Michelle added as she passed by. 

“Just go for a triple, that’s all I want to see today. Once you do one, you’ll get back in the groove of things and you’ll be able to do more than one today. You got this, y/n/n, I know you can, you just have to get past the mental block.”

You knew he was right. As you thought about the skill, you knew it was basically a step away from you. If you went for it, with the way the drills are looking, you would have it. And from there, it’s just the 3.5 and then more work towards the quad. You knew you had the skills, you just had to remind your body of that fact. 

Taking a deep breath, you started your beam routine. Hitting all the skills that you had, you made your way back and forth on the beam until you got the the start of your dismount. “C’mon, y/n, you got it. Just breathe,” you heard Marcus as you took another breath before starting the dismount. Going for the roundoff, you started for the twisting part of the dismount, watching and twisting three times, you opened up, shocked when you landed the dismount. 

“Twinkle Toes,” Marcus beamed, “you did it.”

“Huh?” you said, realizing what you did, “wait. I did it.”

“You did the triple. I knew you could. I need you to do a few more, just to create the habit. Land at least five and then switch to bars.” 

“Alright, yeah,” you answered, quickly realizing that you were one step closer to your goal. Doing the next five took a little bit of time, but you were getting used to the landing and the skill itself. After finishing, you moved onto bars. 

“Did I see a triple dismount?” Nicole asked as you walked over to the chalk box.

“Maybe you did, maybe you didn’t,” you said, shrugging. 

“Does that mean you’re trying the 3.5 again soon?”

“Most likely tomorrow. You will be seeing it soon, I promise.”

…..

When Joel noticed that he got home early enough to come surprise you at practice, he jumped at the chance. Quickly dragging Nolan and Kevin with him - considering they were his ride - he asked them to head to the gym. Once they entered, they got settled in the overhead seating area, he quickly found you standing with Marcus near the beam. 

“C’mon, Twinkle Toes, in order to get the dismount back, you have to get on the beam,” he heard Marcus say. 

“Look, trust the process. I’m mentally preparing for it before I go for it.”

“Are you actually going to get on the beam at some point today? Or will you still be mentally preparing by the end of practice?” 

“Shush, it won’t take me that long, I promise,” Marcus sighed. 

“Just get on the beam, that’s all I need.”

“Alright,” you got onto the beam, walking towards the end as you prepared for the dismount. 

“Ok, just keep the same habits, just twist faster and open up a little bit later, you got it,” Marcus reassured you. Taking a deep breath, you prepped for the dismount. “C’mon, Twinkle Toes.”

Joel and the boys watched closely as you went through your habit of mentally visualizing first, watching you go for the round off and start twisting. “Wait, she’s going for the 3.5,” Kevin said. The three of them all held a breath as they watched you go for the dismount, letting out the breath when you landed it. 

You landed it. “Wait, I did it. Marcus, I did it.”

“I told you so, your boys are watching by the way,” Marcus said, causing you to look up to see the boys smiling to which you simply waved, “I need you to do some more of those either today or tomorrow, but you can go see your boy.”

Rushing over to the stairs to go see Joel, he met you at the bottom of the staircase, “hey, honey.”

“Hey, Bee.”

“You did the dismount,” he said, smiling. 

“I did the dismount,” you reiterated, matching his smile as he picked you up and spun you around.

“I’m so proud of you, you have no idea,” he said as his lips met yours. 

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