#2nd is gonna be hard and it actuallt counts so im probably gonna get a third and the amount of work i put into getting a first last year is

[whispers-of-gallifrey]

Side of my brain panicking about the future vs side of my brain panicking about not living to see the future fight!

#tw death #this post brought to you by the panic attack i had this morning about everyone i love dying and it being my fault #and the panic attack i had 10 minutes ago about failing second year when i dont even start till next week #i mean ive always had panic attacks thinking about the future so thats nothing new bc theres so much uncertainty #i wish i could have a step by step breakdown of everything bc then i could actually do stuff #like all of my lectures are pre recorded and released every monday so keeping ontop of them is gonna be hell #like its hard enough to remember to do the reading for things but the lectures too??? i have to chose my own 2hr timeslots in which to watch #them???? #2nd is gonna be hard and it actuallt counts so im probably gonna get a third and the amount of work i put into getting a first last year is #meaningless so why did i even bother trying and crying so much about everything i did #i wish i could get a diagnosis for something bc somethjngs not normal about me and i want to be able to focus and work normally and i cant #ive always been a high achieving student which sounds like a really stupid thing to complain about like oh no i got another a* how horrifyin #but i have such a huge fear of failure and an inability to start a task unless i know precisely what to do bc i dont want to get it wrong #and uni is so hard for that bc the only time you get feedback is when they grade your work and thats your final grade #whereas at school all your work was practice for the final exams so you could improve #but uni theyll give you your mark and a comment like oh you should have included x #and like that would be good for future reference except im not doing that topic again so whats the point #okay i guess my panic attack is still going rip #sorry for rambling i just need to speak this into the void