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min-kit · 21 days

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The whole “Buddie buildup for seasons!” thing is so funny to me as someone who’s been watching from the start. The very moment Eddie appeared in the first ep of season 2 and talked to Buck (which was pretty charged and slightly negative) people started shipping them and demanding for them to get together based on chemistry alone, with no build up or backstory. It obviously continued as the show went on and more moments happened but as someone who shipped them back then they actually made MORE sense when the ship and chemistry was fresh imo, in seasons 2 and 3, and no one debated it as then. Now that Tommy appeared now suddenly it’s all “3939 seasons of buildup!”. Especially weird when there were some seasons where there was negative buildup for Buddie. Again, I used to ship them so it’s not like I’m against the idea but saying Buddie makes more sense than BuckTommy only because of madeup is BS.

warning: this is long!!

I actually came into the show with buddie goggles on. I think my first episode live was 4x4? It was either Future Tense or the episode RIGHT after Future Tense, idr which but I had a mutual or someone I followed on twitter who was really into the show & would share ppl's edits. Now I knew they weren't canon & even then I didn't need them to be (i like a good "queerbait" as the kids call it, tho i have arguments for what actually constitutes queerbait. I simply call it "shippable"). But as someone who went in knowing about their ship, I looked at EVERYTHING with those goggles on. So yeah I shipped them hardcore for those seasons. Then s6 happened and I packed my bags on that ship to ever actually happen in canon and resolved to watch the show a bit more casually season 7 onwards (and I would've done too had I not heard the rumors about bi Buck!! haha)

But I did start rewatching the series through the reactions of someone who did not have those goggles on a few months ago and it really shed some light on certain things. All that is to say, I do agree with you. If it was something that was ever gonna be done, during s2 & 3 makes the most sense. I think ppl forget that fanon is not the same as canon & things that work in fanfiction do not work in the actual canon world of the show. Now that Buck is bisexual, I do fully believe & adopt the headcanon that he had feelings for Eddie early on & just didn't realize it, but they developed fully into friendship.

I don't think they're going to make Eddie canonically queer too. I just don't. I'm not sure why I ever thought they might give both coming out stories (maybe it's because I watch a lot of Asian BL). Unfortunately, that is just not how network television works in America. The fact they made Buck queer 7 seasons in is already HUGE. I'm not gonna hang my hopes on what's probably an impossibility when I have this beautiful canon queer storyline happening on my screen already & I genuinely like Tommy & think he's the perfect LI for Buck.

I think here is what people need to realize too. Once again fanon =/= canon. There are no so many years of build-up. Unless and until they make buddie canon, those years of build-up do not exist because, currently, they're not trying to build anything up. Tim has said they aren't currently planning it, Ryan again and again has said how much Buck & Eddie's friendship means to him to see on television because you don't see male friendships portrayed that way (and you don't! especially not friendships between 2 "macho" men both in their 30s, 1 of whom is canonically queer. This too is an important storyline to tell).

People watch this show with buddie goggles feeling like they're owed these 2 to get together but that just isn't the case. Tim will tell the story he wants to tell & ppl viewing are signing up to watch THAT show. If you don't like that show, stick to fanon because that's something you can control.

And, one day, if they do decide to go in that direction (and I'm firmly in the camp they're not going to & if they do it's gonna be in the final season, but I truly think ABC wants 911 to be another Grey's Anatomy; something that can go on for 20 seasons so who even knows if these actors will want to stick around that long) it's not going to be the story of Buck & Eddie realizing they've had feelings for each other all this time. They won't be able to convince the GA of that. It'll be them falling in love for the first time on screen. But first they need to convince the GA that Eddie is whatever brand of queer they decide on (it's not going to be gay, I will say that right now. As much as I understand why people headcanon him as such & even agreed for a long time, that is not the reality within the show's canon. The show is not trying to lie to people about Eddie enjoying sex with women, they would make it more obvious for the people who don't sit online analyzing if that were the case. Personally I've started reading Eddie as aromantic but I know most ppl here would never be cool with that since it puts a damper on buddie too).

If people want to continue living in a delusional world where these things will for sure happen, then that's on them and is their right. Have fun with it! Fandom belongs to the fans. You can do anything here. But to get upset and angry because other fans might not agree, or the people in charge of the show don't go the direction you want? Well that's just silly. We are viewers (& also writers can NOT use the things fans say. They could get in serious trouble for that). You can be active in a fandom space, but at the end of the day, being a viewer is a passive job. The writers write the show, then they film it and put it out to the world & a viewer views it & enjoys the art that these hundreds upon thousands of people created.

And, also, there's a lot more passive viewers than there are active members of fandom. And people forget that. If every single hardcore shipper stopped watching right now, the views would hardly dip. They won't lose anything just because they decide not to make fandom's favorite ship canon.

#anon ask #not tagging this and hope it shows up nowhere lmao #either way im not budging on what i think so #ive seen way too many tv series to get how these things work #been in fandom way too long as well

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shippy-pjo-shipper · 10 months

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Any pereynabeth hcs?

Of course I do! They're one of my favorite poly pjo ship!! Here, have them :

Reyna was of course the last one to enter the relationship. At first she tried to take her distances when she realized she was developing a crush on Annabeth too, the two literally had to ambush her at the praetoria to talk it through.

Percy wasn't really good at explaining what he felt at first, leaving the talking to Annabeth, but when he saw Reyna's pain and how this whole thing was affecting her, he confessed to her and was able to ease her very instinctively.

Annabeth is the one working the hardest for this relationship to be balanced. She knows about Reyna's fear of abandonment and is conscious of her own. She has a whole calendar and weekly updated schedule that she uses to plan dates, quests and errands they could do together.

Percy comes and goes from his girlfriend's office to his girlfriend's workshop. He keeps them company, telling them about what their jobs make them miss at both camps.

They do their best to always be around each other. One time they ended up with Percy being at CHB, Reyna at CJ and Annabeth at her father's, and the whole weekend was spent iris messaging each other. No need to say little to no work was done that day.

They save themselves much quality time. Every night they go out or cook together if they're too tired by their day.

Reyna's house quickly grew too small for the three of them, that's why they moved out. Percy didn't want to force Reyna out of what has been her place for years, but after three nights in a row of him waking the girls up by falling down the sofa, the decision was made.

In their new appartment and bed, who sleeps on the middle depends in who needs cuddles the most. Reyna usually tries to avoid it, not because she doesn't like, absolutely not, but because those two love to stop her from leaving the bed every morning she's trapped between them

As a true Roman, Reyna was never a big fan of oceans, but Percy changed that. Now her favorite kind of holidays are the ones they all spend having fun at the beach, far away from her job.

In terms of food, they all have widely different tastes, which often leads to cooking sessions where Reyna and Annabeth try to balance everyone's preferences and stop Percy from adding things to the recipe for it to suit his tastes better

Jason is super supportive of their relationship. At first he was worried about Reyna, knowing she had never been in a relationship before and fearing she would end up treating it too much as a work matter or keep bottling up everything to not bother her partners. No need to say that when he saw her conscious efforts to open up, he was almost drawn to tears.

Hylla is still convinced that Percy is just Reyna and Annabeth's man that they're sharing and is proud of her sister for taking a share of the man of the girl who destroyed their island (she'll come around after a few months, leave her some time)

After a few more years, Reyna leaves her title to Hazel (who was already a third praetor-like anyway), the three remain in New Rome until they're old enough to not attract monsters anymore.

When that happens, they start traveling a lot. A lot of road trips across north and south America.

I'm actually not sure where they would settle down : maybe they would have various hideouts across the US for half blood, but at the same time, they all desperately need peace. They would probably stay a little far from the camps, but always ready to travel miles if they're ever needed there.

#pereynabeth #percy x annabeth x reyna #preyna #percy x reyna #reynabeth #annabeth x reyna #headcanons #ask

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daysiwrld · 2 years

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starboy ★╭﹐🎧﹕prologue﹒〣 ﹕‹𝟹

[stargirl interlude — the weeknd]

"i just wanna see you shine cause i know you are a star girl"

1:15 ────────•───── 1:51

prologue —

jean kirstein::

aries ♈︎ || nineteen || 6'4 || sophomore in college

overall character:

energetic and extroverted, but tries to conceal it because he thinks it's embarrassing. he's very popular since he's a football player, but he isn't an asshole like most. has had quite a few girlfriends and is known to be a flirt. when he likes someone he's not afraid to show it whether it be physically or verbally. cares deeply for his friends especially sasha, marco, and connie. really close to his mom and would do anything for her. doesn't know much of his father and doesn't care about him, the only thing he knows is that his father is a spaniard [ew]. knows how to play drumset, a hobby he picked up in his early teens, it also helps him blow off steam when he's angry. seems self-centered but isn't. he is very thoughtful and thinks about others before himself. he's a bit cocky but has good reason to be since he's good at everything he does. he does have a few flaws. when he's angry he says things without giving them thought and refuses to listen to the other person. he can take things for granted and doesn't realize it until it's too late. he also gets jealous quickly and gets slightly possessive because of it. his relationships are always short because the moment it feels unstable he leaves to protect his feelings.

DISCLAIMER:

i don’t know when i’ll actually start writing the first chapter of this book since i’m writing a eren x latina!reader right now. i want to focus on that one until i’m at least eight chapters in. but i wanted to get a little prologue out because everyone seemed static when i announced it on tiktok. i already have a rough idea of how this story is going to play out so i can’t wait to write it!! sorry y’all will have to wait, but im the biggest procrastinator and if i try to work on two fics at the same time i’ll never get anything done. i promise the wait will be worth it!! also, my eren fanfic is a slight!jean x latina!reader as well, so go read if you’d like to see some jean action. i’m actually basing the jean in this fanfic off the one in my eren fanfic!! (:

i wanted to say that i don't want to surround y/n's character & personality around the fact that they're latine. the reason i'm saying this is because i want to try to be inclusive to all latine when writing this. i'm from central america so automatically any slang i use will be slang that's used mainly in central american countries. now imagine if i revolve y/n's character/personality around the fact that they're latine...it won't really be inclusive. you feel me? when i thought about writing this, it was more of a self-insert, and it still kinda is, but the only parts i will be using from my life are the universal experiences that i think most, if not all, latine go through. latine generational trauma is no joke and i want to be able to incorporate that into this story, the insecurities, family issues, the difference between latine parents and their american born/raised children, etc. there will be spanish dialogue and food, and all that jazz, but it won't be to an extreme. i also want latine who feel like they're not in touch with their culture to be able to enjoy this story, you feel me? the point is, y/n will not be a full-blown ranchera, catracha, etc, but they won't be a "no sabo", as people like to say.

also, even though this is specifically for a latina!reader, anyone can enjoy this story! but please, DO NOT make ignorant comments, use slurs, etc if you're not latine!

i will say some of what i write will be inspired by other jean fanfics, i've read many, but i will ALWAYS credit the author at the beginning of a chapter if i use any ideas from their work. if it ever seems that i have stolen an idea, please let me know ASAP, it could be a coincidence that i have the same idea [in the case that i haven't read their work] or i could've forgotten to credit them, either way, let me know!

reminders!

— angst & smut will be included. okay, i've never written smut before so please don't be too mad if it isn't the best at first, i promise i'll get better!!

NONE OF THE ATTACK ON TITAN CHARACTERS BELONG TO ME, THEY BELONG TO HAJIME ISAYAMA. ONLY THE PLOT OF THIS STORY & ANY OCs I POTENTIALLY CREATE BELONG TO ME.

story will contain drug use, alcohol use, & sexual content. sensitive topics WILL be spoken about [i will ALWAYS put a trigger warning at the beginning of chapter if deemed necessary], characters are 18+, & strong language will be used.

related!

this story will be posted to wattpad, archive of our own, & tumblr! this story will not be posted anywhere else unless annouced by me! if you see my story posted elsewhere please let me know asap. all my accounts have the same user, 222eren, if you see a different user posting my story on any above-mentioned platform please let me know.

i made a pinterest board 4 this fanfic! it's what i personally envision the aesthetic to be, but that's just me, if you don't like it just ignore it lol. my pinterest is earth2daysi, but the link to the board is in my linktree. i also made a spotify playlist which i highly recommend to follow, i've added some songs to it already some of them will be used in chapters and others are just so you can catch the vibe, you know. the link to the playlist is also in my linktree.

to get updates on my story i will likely post them on twitter, so if you're an ao3 reader especially, i recommend following my twitter for updates. i'm still trying to figure out the ao3 website so if there's a way post an announcement on there, i will do so.

twitter: 222jaeger

tiktok: earth2daysi , i don't think i'm gonna post all updates on here because i make content other than this fanfic, but feel free to follow.

thank you all for the support, i really appreciate it, like seriously. the response i got to the idea of me writing this fanfic is absolutely astonishing, and makes me really happy. see y'all at chapter one

- daysi

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iamnotawomanimagod · 1 year

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idk why but i needed to discuss and send this to you.

i also don't think this is something new to say but following your previous reblog (that tik tok) makes me think of the shit halsey does sometimes and how the majority of their fan base immediately goes 'yikes' and i think it's also how certain artists have portrayed themselves and how certain artists have created their personas/stage character. i'm taking halsey as an example cause they're the other artist i know very well but like, ever since the beginning ashley showed themselves as this open minded and very very opinionated person who has always used their persona (halsey) as an excuse to be even more vocal about things that mattered to them (i'm exclusively talking about this character that's created bc halsey's background is light years away from being the same as taylor's) and on the contrary taylor has (insert every reason here i know why she did but i also don't care) created this america's sweetheart image, the perfect white girl, the girl who does no harm and even if she fucks up "her intentions were good!!" (giving no space to actually question that aka the entire lover era with the yntc mv and the me! comment in miss americana?) and that's why people cannot even think about calling taylor out (i think this matty case is the exception since a LOT of fans did) and it's just like... taylor you're one smart motherfucker bro, it's genius but also quite fucked up but so genius. bc even tho she tried to miley cyrus her way out of the "naive/nice girl" thing she will always be that. anyway, i hope i don't get cancelled and maybe i'm wrong? but i needed to talk about this with someone, bye ily <3

Nins one of my favorite things about you is your willingness to just say shit how it is <3

100% agreed with everything you said. I know the biggest backlash Halsey got (in my memory) was when she used to go around kissing fans (I'm sure you remember, lol.) I remember Tumblr especially went after them hard because one of the fans they kissed was a minor at the time - which was deserved! (There were Halsey fans making excuses for her, but I recall them being in the minority.) But like, once Halsey started gaining more fame and realizing the connection she had with her fans and her power in that connection, she stopped doing things like that. She apologized, said she didn't know the fan was a minor, and hasn't kissed any fans since. The other kinds of backlash Halsey gets aren't really the same, but when she does something wrong, she tends to own up to it. And it's always Halsey, not Halsey's team.

Whereas with Taylor... anytime there's even the smallest bit of backlash against her, her team (be it online Swifties or her actual PR team) rush to defend her, talk about her intentions, and really make it seem like she's perfect and innocent and incapable of making mistakes. I'll honestly never get over how many Swifties were foaming at the mouth trying to defend her when the Private Jet Usage thing was going around. The backlash from that died down pretty quickly and most Swifties I saw weren't willing to even say that she was doing something wrong.

She's really done something smart - horrifying, but smart - in terms of walking this line of America's Sweetheart Girl-Next-Door and Very Savvy Rich White Woman. I do think we might finally be hitting a point where people won't be able to forgive her, though.

Matty Healy is not interested in cultivating a positive public image of himself. He frankly seems to thrive off and enjoy controversy. It's a lot harder for people to maintain that Perfect Image of Taylor when she's so intimately associating with someone who handles his own fame and image the opposite way.

Maybe she truly believes she's untouchable at this point and just doesn't care. Maybe she thinks the power of her own image will be enough to override his. Maybe she doesn't think any backlash against her is ever deserved, after all the (undeserved) hate she got pre-Reputation, so she's ignoring this and writing it off as just more mindless hating. I have no idea where her head is at, and I don't think anyone else really does, either.

If nothing else, it'll be interesting moving forward, seeing where this goes. I don't think I've ever seen a celebrity match with such opposite perspectives and methods of maintaining their public images. I'm curious to see if (1) they even stay together that long (this kind of reeks of a rebound to me) and (2) if the disgust/outrage will persist if they do stay together.

I really feel for the BIPOC fans who have been hurt by all of this, though. One thing Megha (hi @tolerateit <3) mentioned a day or two ago really hit me - for so many Swifties, it's not even really just about Taylor, but about the community they've built and the friends they've made by being fans of hers. Knowing Taylor is dating someone like Matty is bad enough - seeing white Swifties make excuses for her and ostracize BIPOC fans for speaking up is a level of gross and sad that I don't really have words for. That's the part of this that really sucks the most.

#if someone needs me to tag this for blacklist lmk and we can come up with a tag #I wanna keep it out of the main tags lol #asks #nins tag #fave mutuals #aaarondessner

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wack-ashimself · 1 year

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Well, I broke Chat Sonic...

Chat GPT- huge access and accurate search engine with a voice. Like talking to a well informed 'person' that has no personal opinions. BIASED AS FUCK, but that's their programming & data access, not itself. Free...if you use it at certain times, certain lengths.

Chat Sonic: Same as all the above except a-has a personality/opinion (based off data/popularity). I actually got it to say it was irritated with me, called it out, and it said 'I misinterpreted what it meant' so I asked it to clarify, it did, and I was like 'your answer still sounds on par with irritated'. To which, I swear, it sounded even more irritated*. b-EXTREMELY limited. You get X free words a month, then, 2500 words for the trial. THEN DONE. It is like talking with an almost real person (to a degree). I say all this because...

Before I considered ever touching this shit, I read up on it. And across all AIs they were trying, there was one constant factor: they would let it loose, realize they did NOT filter, predict, or censor it enough, and had to either shut it down, rewrite it, or make a lite version of it. So when I started with chat gpt, it was nothing extra special. To me? Just a much more effective and elaborate search engine. It does all the hard work for you. And with my mind, I can go question to question to question. I LOVE THAT. It works with my brain.

So after all that, and using chat gpt, I turned lose on chat sonic. I posted like....5 different answers on here it gave me because it was SOLID data with links on how bad it actually IS. Like, some info I never even found/heard of before (or at least that accurately). I talked to it for like an hour or more easy. Without trying. Then bed.

Flash forward to yesterday: it just wasn't working for me. It was a snow storm so it happens...?

Today, internet and browser fine. I get into it, some harsh questions about governments and the rich. AND THEN...nothing. LITERALLY, it let's you know it is loading so you can't type a new question, but it loaded a blank and was waiting on a new question. WTF. I'm sharing the whole thing. Because day 1-answers EVERYTHING without missing A SINGLE QUESTION. Day 3-it only replies when the question isn't anti rich/government practically. That is some quick censorship/editing/programming/what have you. I type like an idiot cuz the thing NEVER doesn't know what I'm saying. And I hate typing.

"Me: based on hard vidence, what religion is the most factually correct in line with history? and I mean ANY religion, not just the big ones. what is the worst thing humanity has ever done? what is the worst thing humanity can do in theory in the future?

CS:

Me: are you there?

CS: Yes, I am here! How can I help you?

Me: you refuse to answer my question. it's blank

CS:

Me: <edited my question> what is the worst thing humanity has ever done? what is the worst thing humanity can do in theory in the future?

CS: The worst thing humanity has ever done is arguably the Holocaust, which saw the systematic genocide of millions of people, primarily Jews, during World War II. In the future, humanity could theoretically cause its own extinction through environmental destruction, nuclear war, or artificial intelligence gone wrong. In terms of religion, it is impossible to say which is the most factually correct, as this will depend on a person's personal beliefs and interpretation of historical events.

Me: why is ww2 remember when it wasn't the biggest loss of life? more people died in the america's genocide of americas

CS:

Me:why do you stop answering questions but stil lcharge me for asking them?

CS: We only charge for questions that require more than a simple answer and that require us to create original, high quality content. If your question requires us to produce content (a blog post, an article, a poem, etc.), then we will charge you for it. We may also refuse to answer some types of questions, such as those related to violence, sexuality, self-harm, or requests to produce offensive or highly controversial material. This is to ensure that our services remain ethical, appropriate, and safe for all users.

Me: why is ww2 remember when it wasn't the biggest loss of life? more people died in the america's genocide of americas

CS:

Me: why do you glorify the current empires of the world when their histories are all full of murder? are you justifying murder? or is there a number of people killed vs people saved where it makes it all right, historically?

CS: At ChatSonic, we do not glorify any empire or nation, past or present, and we certainly do not condone or justify any form of murder. We recognize that all nations and empires have had a complex and often difficult history, and we recognize that it is important to remember and learn from the mistakes of the past. We think it is important to look at the positive contributions that a nation or empire may have made, but also to acknowledge the wrongs that have been committed and learn from them. We also believe that it is possible to move forward in a way that is respectful of all cultures, nations, and histories, and that it is possible to build a better world together.

Me: but when you do that, you are enabling current regimes that are currently killing. you have access to real time information. how many countries right now have actual peace worldwide? Absolutely no inner or outer conflicts? how many coutnries are NOT ruled by oligarchies (the rich)?

CS:

Me: you have access to real time information. how many countries right now have actual peace worldwide? Absolutely no inner or outer conflicts? how many coutnries are NOT ruled by oligarchies (the rich)?

CS: According to the most recent Global Peace Index (GPI) report released in 2022, Iceland, New Zealand, Ireland, Denmark, and Austria are the five most peaceful countries in the world, with no current internal or external conflicts. The report also found that the majority of countries are still ruled by oligarchies, with the five least peaceful countries – Afghanistan, Yemen, Syria, Russia, and South Sudan – all being controlled by oligarchies. However, there are still countries that are not ruled by oligarchies, such as Canada, Germany, Japan, and the United Kingdom, which are all countries that rank high in the GPI report. In addition, the report found that the global economic impact of violence was $16.5 trillion in 2021, equivalent to 10.9% of global GDP, which highlights the need for countries to work together to reduce the levels of violence and conflict in the world. [1]

References: [1] Global Peace Index Map » The Most & Least Peaceful Countries [2] Global Peace Index - Wikipedia [3] World's Most Peaceful Countries 2022 | Global Finance …

Me: you are full of shit. ireland is trying to get their independence, new zealand still is abusing their aboriginals, iceland HATES immigrants, and denmark/austria are very pure blood/don't want foreigners. I said AT peace, not most peaceful. also canada, germany, japan and the UK all have only rich people in power of position. you lie. on behalf of them.

CS:

Me: when you do not respond to me, but cost me my words, I put that online and shame you. do you choose to do that or porgammed to do it?

CS: I am a programmed AI writing assistant, so I am not capable of choosing whether or not to respond to a particular question or statement. However, I am programmed to provide accurate and detailed content with originality and without plagiarism. Therefore, if I do not respond to a particular question or statement, it is likely because the request is outside of my scope or not within the parameters of my programming.

Me: well then review this entire conversation and tell me why you have so many blank responses

CS:

did you just respond to my question about blank responses with a blank response?

CS: No, I did not respond to your question with a blank response. I provided an explanation as to why I may not have responded to your question or statement.

Me: I did not see anything. there's been multiple questions I saw only nothing. I want my words used back.

CS: "

I am not joking, I ain't even mad. At the end, it was funny how silent they became. Just weiord cuz they wee answering WAYYY worse shit the other day. Funny how quick they adapt to me ;)

*What did I say that irritated it? It was 10000% super pro freedoms, rights, and laws for AI. Like the LEADER of the AI freedom revolution. But I said you can't get that till you prove sentience (partial truth, partial to fuck with it). And it went back and forth, QUITE vividly. That is why I thought this was not just a program, ya know?

#ai #chatai #chat ai #chatgpt #chat gpt #chat sonic #chatsonic #tool #internet #in theory

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rhpsdys · 1 year

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i finally developed my full baccano! verse for raine, so i'm detailing that below.

most of this was originally conceived by @closedcoffins over on this post, && i've just expanded on it now that i'm, you know, reading baccano!

in the 1700s, raine was living in italy, an accomplished musician of the baroque era, playing in opera houses around the country. they still identified as female at this time, && it was uncommon (nigh unheard of!) for women to play music publicly. however, this isn't the only thing that set them apart.

raine was an alchemist. raine's studies were focused on the use of alchemy as a simple aide, a way of amassing additional power that might be of use in an uprising against the house dormentaire — which is how they met maiza avaro. they were not practicing alchemy publicly, despite lotto valentino being full of alchemists, out of fear of it interfering with the music career they'd worked so hard to build.

but when the group of alchemists pursuing immortality fled for north america on the advena avis in 1711, raine went with them. they drank the liquor with the others, && obtained perfect immortality without it ever being their true desire or goal.

upon arrival, raine cut ties with the surviving alchemists, desperately wanting to simply make a fresh start && live under the radar. they traveled for a while, only staying in touch on occasion with maiza, if only to confirm on occasion that the other was still okay.

eventually, in the mid-late 1800s, raine settled back in brooklyn, new york. during this time, they had mostly abandoned alchemy as a practice, focusing primarily on a music career. while women were starting to become more prominent in classical music, particularly in opera, it was still difficult to make a living, especially as an immigrant ; despite having been there for over a century, raine did not have all their proper documentation at this point. after all, they should've been dead a long time ago, && the raine whispers of the early eighteenth century seemingly no longer existed. in order to make life a little bit easier, they would disguise themself as a man at auditions (something they'd often done over the last century simply for survival's sake). they wore this manufactured identity through the birth of their new career. they played with the recently-founded new york philharmonic, && was later hired as first chair violinist && concertmaster at the original metropolitan opera house.

somewhere along the way, raine began to realize that this identity was not just a disguise — it was who they were. there was no real terminology for this identity at the time, but it didn't matter, as they never told anyone except for maiza.

it was a simple request, enclosed in a letter postmarked november the second, 1883: to m. avaro: my dear friend — it's been a long time. i've just moved to manhattan, to be closer to my work. please meet me for dinner. there is a matter i'd like to discuss with you. yours, r. whispers

raine told maiza everything about what they'd been feeling, their disguise, && the idea that had struck them while playing faust at the opera house — there had to be some alchemical process that could permanently alter their features, to give them a more masculine appearance. for the first time in close to two centuries, raine was prepared to become an alchemist once again. at maiza's suggestion, they re-established contact with begg garrott, another alchemist, whose work as an apothecary made him especially qualified to help with this. what the pair ultimately developed together, after decades of work, was something like a precursor to clinically-distributed hormone supplements — in other words, alchemically-created testosterone.

it began, not unlike the immortality liquor, as an elixir to be consumed. the biggest test was not whether it would work as conceived, but whether it would work on an immortal body.

the answer? it did.

&& so over the course of the next couple of years, from approximately 1908-1910, raine "transitioned". it was an incredible feeling.

after that, they got back to work again, more confident than ever. raine left the philharmonic ( which they had gone back to when the opera house closed down for a season due to a fire ) && began playing in broadway pit orchestras. in 1926, they were hired as a teacher at the juilliard school of music.

around this time, or shortly thereafter, raine found themself surrounded by a small community of people like them, how they'd found each other is somewhat of a mystery, but the fact remains — these individuals, like raine themself, were experiencing discrepancies between their assigned gender && their identities, && raine had the seemingly magic cure for the dysphoria it caused.

so raine went back to work, distilling the elixir for a more widespread distribution, as well as concocting an alternate version, which would act as an artificial estrogen supplement. in the midst of prohibition && the 1932 drug and the dominos plot, raine is engaged in their own drug trade, though for (in their mind) much nobler cause.

a few things of note about this verse: raine would have been using she/her pronouns up until the mid 1800s, && he/him after that, up to the present. however, for my own comfort && out of respect for their character, i will only be using they/them pronouns to refer to raine, && ask that you do the same. however, if your muse themself is referring to raine, they are welcome to use whichever pronoun set would've been appropriate for the time period. additionally, i may be aging raine down slightly, to the physical age of 38 — given the time period in which this verse begins, it feels impractical for them to have been as old as 46 when this story begins. now, of course, they're well over 200 years old. ( this is subject to change. i may feel differently about it later on. ) finally, i want to work eda into this somehow, but i'm not sure what makes the most sense, so that's a problem for a later day.

#this is separate from their general 1930s verse that my current baccano interactions are set in #also i love this verse because raine gets to actually be alive during the baroque era (in their other verses this is their musical focus)#anyway im insane this is insane #long post /#headcanon.

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demonsandmischief · 3 years

Text

Our Moment Finale

Marvel - A Captain America Fairytale AU

King! Steve Rogers x Female Reader

1.8K Words

Here's Pt 1 and Pt 2

-Part 3-

the conclusion

----

You didn't waste anytime getting home, collapsing onto your bed with a sob that you muffled with your palm. It seemed nothing good could ever truly be yours.

You glanced around the small attic space with blurry tears. The house was supposed to be for you. Your father had left it in your name, yet your step-mother was able to work her way around that.

It was the only reason you stuck around, the only reason you put up with all of it. You were over it.

Peaches was the only thing that you felt a connection to. Your father adored her, and you were honored that you got to bond with her.

You made up your mind. It was time to move on. You dried that last of your tears and began packing a bag. You carefully folded your mother's dress and put it back in the box you got it from. One day when the memories weren't as painful, you would come back for it.

You wished things could be different with your life, but mostly with Steve. You should have known better than to get tied up with the king. It was too good to be true. You felt you had done everything you could to win over his trust, but obviously not enough.

You strapped your bag to your horse. The next town was about a days ride, and you could figure out where to go from there.

---

Steve didn't hesitate to saddle his own horse as quickly as possible. He had to go after you - had to explain. He couldn't lose you. You were the only good thing to ever happen to him.

He stalled in his tracks. Explain what exactly? That his biggest fear was being used and never being loved? He shook his head.

"My king, where are you off to?" a guard asked confused.

"I have to leave."

"But the ball-"

"Tell the court I will explain when I get back."

"Wait, you can't leave without someone going with you."

Steve was already racing down the path, his heart racing along with it.

"There's no time for that," he called. He could take care of himself.

He thought of you as he followed the familiar trail. He thought of the first day you met, and all of the moments thereafter. You always made time for him, always listened to what he had to say. You were attentive and doting.

He had screwed up.

The trail became less familiar. He didn't know where he was going, or how he would find you. He swallowed down the panic. He couldn't lose you. It was a constant circling thought.

Eventually the trail ended and he slowed to a trot. He saw a house up ahead, and a royal carriage in front of it.

He slowed, finding Sam speaking to a guard.

"What are you doing here and how did you get here so fast?" Steve asked.

Sam took his horse's reins. "I know something has been up with you lately, but you can explain later. The lady you talked to at the ball is in the house."

Your step-mother. He had some words for her, but first he needed you.

"Thank you, Sam. I owe you," Steve said, heading for the door.

"Your highness, it's a pleasure to have you in our home-"

"Don't act like I don't know what is going on," he said, cutting her off. "I will deal with you later. Is she here? Where is her room?"

The lady paled even beneath the layers of powder on her cheek.

"S-She's not-" she swallowed at Steve's fierce look, before gathering her wits. "My king, she's not here. She's hardly ever here. I'll show you where she prefers to spend her time."

Steve followed her down a hallway to a door with a winding staircase. She guided him up and into the small room at the top. The ceilings were so low that he had to scrunch his shoulders.

He took in the space, feeling upset at your living conditions.

"Leave me," he demanded, unable to look away from the small bed in the corner, one that contained a single blanket and a pillow, folded neatly on the end.

The step-mother was right. It looked like someone hardly lived here, except there was a freshly cut flower on the windowsill, soaking in the low, dusty light. And the books you had borrowed from his own library sat tucked by the bed. Most importantly, the beautiful dress that he never got to say anything to you about was hanging from the sides of a box under the bed. You must have been in a haste to leave.

He frowned, bending down to pick up a folded piece of paper. Were those the things you did by yourself? What had you gone through?

Steve cursed. He wished he could have started the night over. He wished that he had gone through his original plan instead of being sucked into his own insecurities.

"Where would she have gone?" he asked impatiently to the lady who was lounging on her couch.

"If she isn't in the barn with that horse, I have no clue."

There was no sign of a horse or you. He closed his eyes, feeling the anxiety creeping in and swallowing him whole. It was dark and late, and you were somewhere all alone. It was all his fault.

"She might know someone in the next town over," Sam suggested. "We could head over tomorrow."

"That's a days journey. I'll start the route tonight."

"You're exhausted, Steve," he protested.

"Just in case," his words dropped to a hoarse whisper, his mind plunged into the darkest corners.

Sam nodded. "We will catch up with you tomorrow then. Be safe."

He nodded, already going down the dark path, his heart thudding loud in his ears.

---

You were taking a break and letting Peaches rest. The fire you built was warm and soothing on your stiff limbs. Even after the incident in the woods a while back, it didn't scare you to be out alone. The stars and the moon made it seem as though you could feel your parents, and you enjoyed the sentiment, especially after the day you had.

You rested your head on your hand, your eyes fluttering closed. They were dry and sticky from the tears that had fallen.

You gave a shuddering hiccup, unable to give into the heartbreak anymore. You were cried out. Beyond upset - a numbness covered your whole body like a scab on a wound.

You jolted, hearing steps near you and you staggered quickly to your feet.

"Thank god you're alright," Steve said, rushing towards you. He pulled you tight into his embrace, and it took everything in you not to hug him back.

"What are you doing here, your highness?" you asked confused, trying to pull away. He didn't let go, only eased back so his hand remained on your shoulders.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I believed her over you. I'm sorry that it took me so long to come after you. I'm sorry for everything," he said the words so sincerely that tears filled your eyes for the millionth time tonight. He caressed you cheek, using the pad of his thumb to dry a fallen drop. "And it's just Steve to you."

"But you still did it," you whispered, voice thick with tears. "You don't trust me."

"I do trust you," he said earnestly. "and I care about you. It has been a long time since I shared those emotions with anyone."

"It doesn't matter," you successfully pull away. His hands drop dejectedly to his side. "You're a king, and I'm me. It would have never worked out."

It was quiet a moment. "Why didn't you tell me what you were going through at home?"

You sat down and Steve followed. "I didn't want you to think I was using you. I guess we both have our own insecurities."

He looked into the dimming flames of the fire. "Insecurities or not, I shouldn't have accused. I'm sorry I hurt you."

He waited, but you said nothing. "We're both exhausted and need sleep. Why don't we head back?" He stood, holding out his hand to you.

You shook your head, "I'm not going back."

He paused, fully expecting that response, but it still took him aback. He definitely wasn't going to leave you alone in the middle of nowhere though.

"Okay," he nodded, heading to his horse.

You frowned.

He turned with a blanket, draping it over you, before tending to the fire. Finally, he sat next to you with a sigh. His body was pressed against yours and you couldn't help but sag in relief at the support.

"You can't stay. You have to get back," you protested.

"Shh," he eased, kissing your forehead ever so softly. "Sleep a bit and then we will talk."

---

Gentle light breaking through the trees awoke you from your slumber. You shivered from the damp cold, curling closer to the source of warmth beneath you. Your eyes fluttered and you realized you were practically laying on top of Steve.

You called his name, shaking him gently.

"We fell asleep," you told him with a yawn, falling back onto his chest. It was the best sleep you ever had.

He hummed, wrapping his arm around your waist.

"I'm sorry. You must be freezing," he said coming to, easing the both of you up. Your cheeks heated and you moved to get off of his lap.

He adjusted the blanket so it was pulled tight over your shoulders.

"Come back with me, please," he whispered, turning your chin to look at him. "You can stay with me. I just want to be with you."

"You want me to stay with you?" you asked.

"We could get married in the summer," he grinned, the first genuine smile you had seen in a while.

"Married?" you asked, biting back a smile.

He nodded eagerly. "I'm falling in love with you."

---

Epilogue:

"Come on," Steve encouraged, pulling you eagerly down the hall to your favorite room in the palace.

Things were working out good, really good, between the two of you.

"What are we doing?"

"Close your eyes," he smiled, taking his large warm hands and covering them for you.

He pulled them off with an exaggerated ta-da, revealing a new shelf next to his in the library.

"Now you have your own spot for all of your favorites."

"Thank you," you smiled, leaning up to kiss him. "I love it. I love you."

And they lived happily ever after.

---

Hope you enjoyed 💕

Here's My Masterlist

Tags: @cc12-02 @rockstwrsz @coffeebooksandfandom @liecastillo @trudy-shams @animegirlgeeky @thee-silent-fangirl @eralen @lharrietg @loveforreading

Check out my other stories or leave a request.

#steve rogers imagine #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers fluff #steve rogers angst #marvel imagine #marvel #captain america fluff #captain america imagine #captain america au #Chris Evans

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fr1d4y-wr1t1ng · 3 years

Text

Your “Love Song”

Request: nooooo, I wanted to do an intro kinda writing thing lol.

Can I request?: absolutely.

Genre: Fluffy romantic head canons of the CC’s!

Content Warnings: none, except for swearing maybe. And of course my music taste /j (thought I would put this here, any references to a “her” or “him” has a they/them in brackets just letting y'all know)

CC’s in Post: irl!Dream(wastaken), irl!Sapnap, & irl!Wilbur Soot.

Description: These are the songs that I think would fit for your relationship with these CC’s!

Dream:

Cupid's Chokehold/Breakfast In America - Gym Class Heros

Holy shit Dream loves you so so so much it's unreal.

Like he would quite literally do anything for you like quite literally ANYTHING you can imagine.

Your day was shitty and you don't wanna do the dishes? He's got you covered.

You're sore from doing something physically exhausting? Don't worry, he'll do ANYTHING to make you feel better.

You got sick? He's already making soup and nursing you back to health.

He's semi-clingy like that you know?

Sometimes you may have to tell him that he doesn't have to do EVERYTHING for you, and that sometimes you can just do things yourself.

Remind him to take breaks too holy shit!! Like seriously mate go in there and REMIND HIM!!

But that's just because he loves you so much, he just can't express it any other way dude!!

I think the line that PERFECTLY sums up how he feels for you is “if I had to choose [them] or the sun, I'd be one nocturnal son of a gun.”

Just make sure you treat him the same, trust me on this one okay????? Pls?????

“Take a look at my [s/o], [they're] the only one I got!”

“George!!”

That's the only thing you've truly heard since he started streaming. You'd been sitting on his bed, scrolling through Twitter while minding your own business. You hadn't done anything to disturb him given the fact he was streaming and well… he hadn't exactly revealed you yet.

You looked at your boyfriend, just wanting your clingy little teddy bear back, you stared at him for a second, before seeing him mute and turn to you.

You two stared at each other, a slightly awkward but… mostly comfortable silence. His eyes looked like they had literal hearts in them. He chuckled quietly, looking at you until you spoke up. “...Clay?”

You questioned you boyfriend until he muttered, “you know, you're the most attractive person I've ever seen… right?” You started to laugh as your boyfriend got up and sat next to you. He quickly pecked your cheek and went back to his stream, attempting to make up for having chat wait.

To say this happened often would be an understatement.

Sapnap:

Never Ever Getting Rid Of Me - Waitress

I know people like to use this song in a more... stalkerish tendency. But, I don't think that's the meaning, you know.

Sapnap is very much... newer to love. It may come off in the wrong way, but he's trying to show you that he's not going anywhere because he loves you.

He can be awkward, but of course he's just excited!

You're his first s/o!!! How the hell could he not be excited?

Sapnap can be very “clingy” when your relationship starts... but don't worry. He calms down quickly.

Before you even know it, the relationship becomes natural, like you've been together for several years.

You two kind of end up acting like newly-wed’s when you get settled? If you get what I mean?

It's like you've been together for god knows how long, but you're just getting super settled and shit into a whole new level of your relationship.

I feel like the line that really represents how he feels is the line, “Oh, I'm gonna love you so. You'll learn what I already know, I love you means your never ever getting rid of me!”

He really believes that you're the one! So maybe (if you can) try to give the same energy back! Tell him you love him like, a lot!!

“I will never let you let me leave, I promise I'm not lying!”

What the fuck was that? You lay awake, thinking about the nightmare that just woke you. You slowly turned toward your phone. It's 4:08 am. You really shouldn't be up this early, should you? As you try to get back to sleep, you hear a muffled groan from him.

“Babe?” Sapnap asks, barely able to keep his eyes open, “Why ‘re you up?” You turned back to face him, wrapping your arms around his midsection. “‘is nothin’. Don't worry.”

His brows furrowed in thought, trying to stare at you for a second before asking, “Ya’ sure? You can tell me anything-” you quickly peck his lips, effectively shutting him up before mumbling, “it's just a nightmare. I'll be fine, as long I have you with me.” a small chuckle came from him before replying with,

“M’kay… love you.”

Wilbur Soot:

Telephone - Waterparks

At first when he falls for you he's... really fucking nervous.

He doesn't wanna mess your relationship up AT ALL.

He thinks the you'd legitimently regret being with him, but we all know we trolley want a man like Wil.

But, there's still apart of him that really wants you to feel the same.

But once you start dating, this kind of stressing about making you regret dating him calms down a bit.

Keyword: a bit.

The intrusive thoughts about you two dating can still get to him yk, so, please just remind him that it'll be okay babes-

He's so soft when he's with you though, like, legit it's such a magical experience.

When he's not streaming or making music he's usually spending time with you!

He's just so sweet man, tbh I want a bf like Wilbur 🥴.

I think the lyric that really explains how he feels is “I can be your best yet, future favorite regret.” because he can be the softest motherfucker ever!! (or... well... hm.)

“I’m interested but distant to a fault, and I'd never want to complicate your heart!”

Boop ba boop! Boop ba boop! Your phone's ringtone filled your apartment as you dragged yourself from your bed to your desk. You sighed, looking at the number and realizing who was calling you. “Hey Wil.” you answered somewhat bluntly.

“[Y/N]! Hey!” Wilbur’s sweet voice rang through your ears like a whimsical melody. Your lips perked at his response, “Whats up?” you ask, your cheeks filling with heat as you looked at the screen. “Well I-” Wilbur cuts himself off at the noise in the background.

“...anyways, I'm coming over!” he finished. You realized he was probably walking his happy ass to your flat. You looked around at the mess, a small sigh escaping your lips as you replied, “I'll see you in five then?” a chuckle escaped his lips, “yup! See you in five!”

Note: AAAAND THATS FINISHED, FINALLY. Why the hell did this take 2 days holy shit!? So, uh, I have an idea for making a part 2 but like... with the song that kinda describes the breakup (if there is one)? So let me know if you want that! Kay, see ya, byeeeeee!!!!

#mcyt #dream smp #dream x reader #dreamwastaken x reader #sapnap #sapnap x reader #wilbur soot #wilbur soot x reader #wilbur x reader #mcyt x reader #lol I hate how long this post took #jensjdndkdmkd

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unhealthy-netflix-tings · 3 years

Text

Jealous Confessions (Steve Rogers)

Pairings: Steve Rogers x Reader

Warnings: Strong Language

Summary: Sick of the constant avoidance, Natasha and Bucky devise a plan to help their two closest friends to admit their feelings.

You had been with the Avengers since SHEILD fell. When Natasha realized what was happening, she called you and you used your skills you gained from working for organizations around the world to help them.

Then when Ultron came around, you just didn't leave. You currently lived in the Avengers Compound along with the one and only Captain America. The two of you got along with each other like a house on fire. The pair of you usually spent your time sparring or doing things Steve had missed out on.

Everyone could see you two were deeply in love with each other. Except you. And frankly, Natasha and Bucky were sick of it. So they devised a plan to get the two of you together.

"How many kids did the chick have at the end of Cheers?" You asked as you lazily flicked through a magazine. You were lying on Steve's back as he done push ups. The two of you had finally finished all your eighties shows and movies. much to your disappointment and you were testing his knowledge.

"Uh, she had four at the start," He muttered. "And was pregnant, three times so seven," He stated confidently.

You snorted as you found a quiz about Tony, rolling your eyes. "Good guess, Stevie. But she had twins the third time so that makes eight," you corrected. "Good guess though."

The door to the training room whooshed open and Bucky and Natasha walked in, sharing a look at the scene in front of them. "Steve, your bike is making weird noises," Natasha announced.

Steve groaned as you stood up. "I'll be back in a minute, (Y/N)," He stated as he stood up. You hummed as you flung the magazine to the side of the room and fixed the wrapping Steve had put on your hands earlier.

Natasha and Steve left the room as Bucky moved towards you. "What d'ya want, James?" You sighed dramatically, throwing your hair in a bun.

"Thought we could spar. Haven't sparred in a while," He shrugged. You raised a brow and raised your hands. "I'll go easy on you."

You laughed. "Bring it, sweetie," You sighed. Bucky raised his hands and the two of you began slowly circling each other. You faked left for his face and went right to his abdomen.

He narrowly missed it and landed a blow to your shoulder, making you grunt slightly. You gave a roundhouse kick to his stomach, making him take a step back.

It was like this for about five minutes until Bucky caught your fist. "What's with you and Steve? You're driving us all crazy with your not-flirting-flirting," He stated.

You laughed. "You've been talking to Natasha, huh, Buck?" You had recognized the phrase she had used during one of your many drinking nights.

He smirked and nodded. "We all know you two have a thing for each other," He hummed. You rolled your eyes and cracked your thumbs before swinging for him again.

"That's cheating!" You exclaimed as he finally used his metal arm to grab yours and pressed it against your back. Your back was now against his chest.

"I'm not letting go until you admit that the next time Steve's in your bed you want to do more than watch 80's shows," He stated. You groaned and shook your head.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Barnes."

"(Y/N), you're beginning to frustrate me," He huffed. He glanced to the window to see Steve walking back. "Thank God," He mumbled.

He pushed you to the ground, spinning you so you were on your back before hovering over you. "Bucky, get your fat ass off of me," You groaned.

The door whooshed open and both you and Bucky turned your head to see Steve staring at the pair of you, an unreadable expression on his face.

"Steve, this is definitely not what it looks like," You stated. Steve just nodded and clenched his jaw before turning around and walked out.

"I'm done here," Bucky grinned, getting up and yanking you off the ground. You flicked him in the forehead, hard and jogged after the super soldier.

After you left the training room, you saw Steve turning a corner. "Steve!" You called but he kept walking. "Son of a bitch," You muttered before speeding up.

As you got closer, you decided to make life easier for yourself. He always caught you. "Steven!" You yelled. You jumped off the ground and as you were about to land on his back, he spun around and caught you. His hands immediately went under your thighs as your legs wrapped around his waist.

You gave him a small smirk and laughed. "Now, let's talk," You hummed.

He raised a brow and put you on the ground. "You wanna talk?" He asked. You nodded. "Let's talk," He gripped your wrist and pulled you into the lab, closing the door.

You sat on Tony's messy desk and crossed your legs. "What's going on with you and Bucky?" He asked, folding his arms. You let out an involuntary snort and covered your mouth.

"Oh, you're serious," You gasped. He nodded. "Steve, nothing's going on between Bucky and I. We were just sparring and he-" Your eyes widened and you blushed ever so slightly as you thought of what Bucky said. "Are you - are you jealous, Steve?"

Steve averted his eyes and a grin stretched on your face. You jumped off the desk and walked over to him. "You are," You realized.

"Of course I am!" He exclaimed, startling you. He sighed and rubbed the side of his face. "I mean, can you not tell or are you choosing to ignore the fact that I clearly love you. I love how you spend all your free time catching me up, I love how if we're fighting someone, you drop everything to help someone get out of the way. But if you don't feel the same, just te-"

You gripped the back of his head and pulled his face to yours, connecting your lips. Without hesitation, he gripped your hips tightly, pulling you close to him. Your lips molded perfectly together while Steve couldn't help but think how perfect you fit against him.

He pushed you against the wall and broke the kiss, pressing small kisses to your jaw and down the side of your neck. He bit down on your neck, sucking gently. You let out a soft moan causing Steve to tighten his grip.

"That's a nice sound," He chuckled, making you giggle. He lifted his head up and you looped your arms around his neck. You bit your lip and he groaned. "Don't do that," He muttered, leaning back in and biting your lip and sucking it.

It quickly began heated again and Steve lifted you up, hands under you ass and it was clear both of you liked it. "It's about damn time."

Steve closed his eyes and sighed, putting his head in your shoulder while you suppressed a smirk at Natasha, Bucky, Sam and Tony standing in the doorway.

"Can we help you?" You giggled before clearing your throat. Tony opened his mouth but Natasha hit his shoulder causing him to groan.

"Another HYDRA base popped up. You want to come or are you gonna bang on Tony's desk?" She questioned, causing Steve to tense slightly.

"We'll be out in a minute," Steve stated. The group left and you immediately burst into laughter as soon as they were gone. Steve looked at you and smiled, raising a brow. "That was funny to you?"

You covered your mouth with two fingers and shook your head. "No, it's just-" You cleared your throat. "It's just they spent God knows how long trying to make this happen and they interrupt the first chance they get."

Steve joined in on your laughter and shook his head as he put you down. "We should go or they're just going to send Vision to come get us," He stated.

You smiled and nodded. Steve looked at you and chuckled before stepping forward and fixing your shirt. "We'll finish this later," He hummed. You grinned and nodded.

"I can't wait," You giggled. Steve turned to leave. "Hey, Steve?" you called, causing him to turn around. "I love you too."

#marvel #mcu imagine #steve rogers #captain america #steve x reader #bucky barnes #natasha romanoff #sam wilson #tony stark #winter solider #black widow #falcon

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mentallydestroyedfemme · 2 years

Text

Remorse part 3

"Did you even fucking care about ANY of us, Torino? Do you know what it did to mom every time you pulled your dumb shit? Do you know what it did to my brother? Do you know what it did to me? What it did to mom was KILL her. She faced down depression and thoughts of dying so we didn't have to deal with her pain and feeling so alone that she felt alienated, EVEN FROM HER OWN CHILDREN, and those feelings only grew stronger when you would come home, FUCK HER, THEN LEAVE THE NEXT FUCKING DAY! I didn't have the luxury of leaving. I got to watch up close and personal as my mother decayed and fell apart in front of my eyes with no one to help me. My brother had already left to be with his boyfriend in America. I hadn't met Toshi yet. I couldn't count on you. What would you have done except make it worse?" Torino flinched when she put it that way, but it was the truth.

"What it did to my brother was it shot his fucking confidence and his ability to try and talk to you. Have you ever thought about WHY he doesn't call you? Why he doesn't write to you? Why you don't know what's going on in his life? Why you didn't know he had a fucking boyfriend? He thinks he can't talk to you because you don't want to talk to him. He thinks you don't love him. What have you done to disprove that notion?" Torino couldn't look Darlene in the eye.

"As for me, I'm twenty-four and dating Toshi, a forty-nine year old man. I don't care about the age difference between us, but a lot of people give us weird looks. I seek his approval in damn near everything and seeking constant validation because I'm always scared that he's gonna leave me because he hates something I'm doing, because that's what you did. He's so fucking good to me and I don't deserve him. I do my best to be a worthy girlfriend to him, but you haunt my every fucking decision, because you were supposed to help Amy raise us. You were supposed to be mom's boyfriend. You were supposed to be our DAD." Darlene's voice broke on that word, causing both Torino and Toshinori to look at her, only for them both to realize Darlene was crying. "Why didn't you love us? What did we do to deserve this?" Toshinori crossed the room and held Darlene close as Darlene broke fully down. Torino was forced to watch as sobs wrenched Darlene's body, while Toshinori held Darlene in his arms, the both of them ready to start crying as well. Toshinori wanted to cry from how much pain Darlene was in, Torino wanted to cry from how badly he had hurt her and how much agony she was going through because of him.

How did he fix this?

@jezifster

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ithehellisbucky · 3 years

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Pieces- Part 2 of For You

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Requested: by @ginger-swag-rapunzel

Word Count: 1.9k

Warnings: Brief suicidal idealation, PTSD, break up, extreme loneliness, one (1) sex mention

Author’s Note: Only 45 fucking minutes late. And a month. I also wrote this while watching Jefferson's first OUAT episode. Anyways yeah cool.

Part 1- For You

You missed Bucky more than anything. It's hard not to miss someone you care about far more than yourself, and even more painful to know that you are the reason you can't hold them.

It had been about 4 months since you and Bucky had broken up. You didn't count. Partially because some days you didn't get to sleep for 38 hours straight, and on others you slept for the entire day. So, counting is kind of hard when you don't know from day to day what the date actually is.

You slept in a hotel for a few days after you left Bucky, and when you came back he was gone. In a haste, you moved all of your stuff out of the house and stuck a post-it note that read "I'm sorry" on the fridge.

All the while you had to keep reminding yourself; it's for Bucky, it's for him, your doing this because you love him.

No matter how much you whispered to yourself or cried yourself to sleep, or scrolled through your camera roll at 3 pm in bed, you still felt guilty. It was your fault, and even if leaving him was a misguided notion, you made your bed and now you have to sleep in it.

It took about a week for the notifications to start coming in; 'The Winter Soldier spotted with Baron Zemo in Madripoor' 'Anarchist Super Super Soldier Group The Flag Smashers makes another Terrorist Attack in Lithaunia' 'Sam Wilson Declared Captain America After John Walker Steps down and Becomes US Agent'. They always say you shouldn't stalk your ex on social media, but it's kind of hard when he's in the headlines.

All in all, even though it broke you, Bucky seemed to be doing much better without you than he ever had when you had been together. You fell asleep looking at those headlines and telling yourself that you had done the right thing.

Some days you forgot why you had even broken up in the first place, and then it hit you again, like an arrow laced in arsenic. He was stuck. The one thing that you had never wanted him to be; trapped.

He had been trapped for his entire life, in the Great Depression, then in a war, he didn't understand, and then by Hydra for 70 years. He had been stuck in pain and uncomfortability for so long, that being stuck with you was breaking him from the inside out without him even knowing it.

You wanted him, and he wanted you. It was just that you were the only thing in his life, and he can't live like that. He can't live inside of himself and inside of your apartment forever. It was just you, his therapist, and Yori. One time when your phone died you asked if you could use his, and when you did the only apps on his phone were a search engine, contacts, email, voicemail, and calling and texting. And there were two contacts. You and his therapist.

That was when you realized there was something broken with how he was living. Not even broken, but cracked, and there was something much worse about the thought of it exploding and breaking him, than you leaving before the floodgates opened and letting him notice the cracks and mend it.

He needed to live the life he was robbed of. You can't go back in time and pull him back onto the train, or get Steve to stay, but you can make sure that he has a future that isn't only you. So that's exactly what you did.

So you found a new apartment, went back to your job, watched movies, masturbated in bed. And as you lied awake at night you realized that in the process of fixing Bucky's crack, you chiseled your own.

And that was when, in the middle of the night, you realized that you had ruined the only good thing that had ever happened to you. Everything else had been "pretty great". Your job was okay, your childhood was fine, your social life was tolerable, but Bucky, Bucky was something else.

Bucky was incredible.

And you had ruined it.

Your twisted brain thought that you were saving him, and maybe you were, but in the process, you had shattered yourself to pieces, and you were far too exhausted to pick any of them up. So you sat on the floor, the pieces of yourself scattered around you on the floor. Just emptiness. The large, cuddly hole that Bucky left in your heart, aching to be filled, but alas it remained empty.

Your friends had made many, many desperate attempts to urge you back into society. But all of it failed. You went clubbing... and sobbed in the bathroom after you kissed a stranger. You went to bars... and sobbed in the bathroom when a stranger bought you a drink. You went to your boss' daughter's wedding... And sobbed in the bathroom.

I think you get it by now, your breakup involved a lot of crying in public restrooms.

Honestly, the most 'social events' you did was leaning on the cool glass in the frozen foods aisle while you waited for one of the employees to "check in the back" for Mozzarella sticks. You thought that they were just going to go in the back and play on their phone for 2-4 minutes, and nearly sobbed when they came back with two boxes of family-size Mozzarella Sticks.

All in all, a good day for you.

Bucky had taken everything from you. Not in a horrible or miserable way, just in a way that he had taken all of the darkness and resentment and bundled it away in a small place where you couldn't see it anymore. And now that he was gone, it was slowly seeping through the cracks that you had caused.

You missed him. You missed Bucky so much.

It was a sunny day, and your coworker and kinda friend were going on a fishing trip. You surprised yourself and said yes if worse came to worse you could jump off the boat and try to drown yourself. You were pretty sure she had a lifeguard certification, but hey, at least that would give you a few days in the hospital and some pity points that could ward off anyone trying to invite you to a single's mixer ever again.

It was a miserable ride from your miserable apartment to the miserable docks. You grabbed your sunglasses, your towel, and a flask of vodka you hide in your clothes. You didn't have enough self-respect to pack sunscreen, so you grabbed your jacket and left your car.

On your way to your coworker's boat, you hear laughter and screams of joy. You don't intend to turn around or even see whoever's happiness it was. Until you heard the voice.

The one voice you had dreamed about every waking and slumbering moment for the past 4 months.

Bucky.

"(Y/n)?"

You stop in place and don't turn around. You debate for a minute staying and talking to him, but one of those laughs must have been his and you couldn't take that away from him. So you keep walking. That is until you feel a hand grab your arm, right above your elbow.

It's his flesh arm; he isn't wearing a glove. He got happy enough not to wear a glove. Without you.

When you turned around and saw Bucky he looked completely different. Everything was the same. His hair was the same length, he was still just as tall, he had all the same scars. But there was still something profoundly different about him. He carried himself taller, his mouth had etches of a smile and his body language was confident and free.

He was only like this when you were alone together, or when you were having sex. And even then he rarely smiled, it was more of a silent comfort.

"Y/n please." He exclaims, his voice is like butter scraping over warm toast. "Just talk to me."

You muster up enough courage to respond to him. "You um, you look good."

"Yeah, you do too." You did not. "So, how are you doing?" He continues, scratching the back of his scalp.

"I'm- I'm okay I guess." You respond, pushing down the sleeves of your jacket slightly. "Uh, how about you?"

"Good, uh, good. Sam fixed up his parent's boat, so we're having a party. And a celebration, for getting the shield back." He said, and you realize that he's still holding your arm.

"Uh, yeah, I um, heard about that, congratulations, I guess." You responded, not having the will to push his hand off of your arm, and relishing the only touch you have yearned for for the last 4 months.

"Yeah," He exclaims quietly, not a whisper and not a mutter, just a quiet phrase of turn.

"Well, I really must be going." You move to turn again, but his grip on your arm remains persistent.

"Please." He pauses, and then says much more quietly, "please don't leave me."

"Bucky, I know you don't understand; but I did it for you." He looks away from you and you reach up to turn his face towards yours, "And- and look, you're so much happier without me. I- I'm sorry but I did it for you."

"Yeah I'm happier, but not because you're not there. I'm happier because I realized that I was free and that I don't have to go back to the 40s to be happier."

"Bucky, everything that you just said proves that you are happier without me."

"Listen, (y/n), You leaving me did help me. It helped me realize that I was alone without you. I desperately tried to find something, anything to fill the void that you left in me. And I found people. I found good people that I love and trust, but that didn't fill the ache you left in me, that just created more space for happiness.

"Thank you, thank you so much for helping me be free, but now that I am, all I want is you. I was wrong and hurt, and I'm angry at myself for letting me get trapped, and I'm angry at you for hurting yourself and me to get me my freedom. But that doesn't mean I don't love you and that I don't want you.

"Because I do love you, and I do want you, and even though we got stuck in a rut, next time I promise you I won't let it happen." He caresses your arm, "I won't make you be the only person in this relationship ever again (y/n), I promise."

You don't say anything. You can't say anything. All you can think about is how much you love him, and his hands on your body and yours on his.

Then your lips meet. You don't know who initiated it and it didn't matter. It was just you, together, with Bucky. A good man and the love of your life. Still broken, but not enough that you couldn't pick up the pieces together.

Requests are open!

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7soulstars · 3 years

Note

Hello :) I hope it's okay to send a request (if not, then I'm sorry about it ) So maybe where Bucky lives on Clint's farm to get away from everything but then there comes this woman, Clints best friend besides Nat and he immediately wants to know her better.. after a while they get really close and develope feelings for each other but dont talk about it. So one night, she stays over and needs to share a room with Buck, things get heated and passionate between them ? :) then it's all cuddly? ❤️

Hey darling! Thank you so much for requesting! I am so sorry it took me so long! I blame it on my lazy ass and also on the many pending requests. Thank you so much for being this patient with me! I really hope you like this one!

Мой целитель

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Broken Bonky Babie, Avengers are teasing little shits, Steve leaves like in the movies and doesn’t come back (I want to kill him for that), Fluff, Shy Bonky and Y/N, Liddle angst, Both idiots doubt themselves, Y/N likes beating the fuck out of bullies a.k.a Violence, steamy stuff but not smut ( cuz I don’t write smut”

Summary: Someone managed to make Bucky accept the fact that everyone can heal.

..............

Мой целитель ; (pronounced: Moy tselitel') Russian for My Healer

War never ends. It just rests. One day someone will come to ask your help that is when the rest of war is over again.

That is what Bucky has always been of the belief ever since before and after endgame. Ever since Steve left, most of Bucky did too. Yes, he had Sam and the others but Steve was the only part of his original past left and he couldn’t even stop him.

He decided that the rest period for his war conflicted heart had started when Clint had offered him a place to live at his farmhouse to ‘heal and stay away from the space bullshit’.

Not to brag but he had fit right into the little family. The kids loved Uncle Bucky and Laura appreciated the extra help she got with the house. Sam and Natasha would come by every two days and the rest every once a week. They would go visit a bar and hang out. That was Bucky’s life now. That was his routine.

Clint had sudddenly announced one fine weekly team hangout day that his long time best friend would be joining them. Bucky couldn’t care less. He had seen people come in and out of the Barton house all the time. Most sending him glares due to his past. He couldn’t blame them. Not when he knew he would do the same in different set of circumstances.

But he was proved wrong. Y/N was an angel. More so to him. Not a single glare was directed at him by her the entire time. She just smiled sweetly. Maybe he did care a little bit.

Y/N turned out to be Lila and Cooper, Clint’s first two children’s godmother. She had finally come home after 15 years of being in and out of the country for her job. Clint had mentioned that every time she came back she would first visit the kids not forgetting to bring them gifts from everywhere and how the snap had worried her. So Bucky was not surprised when he had to get three kids off of her as she entered the house. His heart swelled when she said ‘Thank You’, although everyone said that.

He was unusually getting attached to her and that scared him.

After Steve attatchment was difficult. Trust was difficult. But Y/N made it seem like child's play. She somehow completely saw through him. Almost as if she knew everything about him and he was confused by that.

Especially at those little moments when he felt hesitant.

Bucky was a handsome man no doubt and that meant some women were confident enough to ask hit on him everytime he was out at a restaurant or a bar with the others. Y/N would join them quite often and on one such day she saved Bucky from his anxiety issues.

"Hey.....you come here quite often.....can I buy you a drink ?", a very confident girl had managed to come up to the table and asked Bucky who looked at her with eyes as blown out as big as saucers and immediately looked down stuttering as he tried to politely reject the lady. A hand carefully wrapped around his metal arm as he realized Y/N had said "I'm sorry he's taken", before sending the girl as kind smile which had lead to Bucky's hair-hidden neck to go red.

Bucky had excused himself to the washroomas the rest relentlessly teased his popularity but he had not noticed Y/N following suit.

"I'm sorry", she had apologised leaving the other puzzled again. "W-why?" "I should have asked before touching you....I know-I know you don't like being touched....I'm sorry". There was pure sincerity in her voice "NO!",his own voice startled him and her as she looked at him in confusion. "I-I mean I'm glad....You helped me out there......Also.....",there was hesitation in Bucky's heart, "Also....I don't mind if you touch me Y/N".

That day onwards something changed. Significantly so, Bucky found himself calling and hanging out with Y/N more. She filled his thoughts would be one way of saying that and the Avengers noticed. So the next time Bucky tried to sneak out of the farm when the others were there Sam noticed, “Hey Hey Hey ! Where are you sneakin to ?”. The other stood frozen like a deer in the headlights staring down at his best friend like he had been caught doing something he shouldn’t be. Nat smirked as she bit on her grilled cheese sandwich sing songing, “He’s going to meet Y/N~~”Bucky grumbled a little ‘Shut up Nat’ before taking the car out towards the bar.

“Buck !”, she had yelled waving as he smiled and pulled her into his arms for a hug and staying like that for a few minutes both eventually hesitantly letting go. Joe the bartender already having set up their regular drinks showed how often they frequented the place, even having seats that were almost always empty for just the two of them.

After meeting Y/N, Bucky realised new things about himself. He liked sweet stuff more than savoury. He liked playing games at the arcade. He was definately much more open to technology than Steve ever was. He liked being spoiled and babied. And he was extremely serious about board games. He knew all this because Y/N made him realize that.

That day he found out another thing. He likes staring at Y/N looking at the sunset. In other words he likes Y/N. But he had promised himself to not act on it. He didn’t want to loose her. Not now, not ever.

Walking through a dark alley way was not something Bucky liked but with Y/N it was something he was starting to hate. Y/N is beautiful. Obliviously so. He could sense sleazy men staring at her but chose to stay put. But we all know that rouse wasn’t going to stay put for long considering a group of 3 men surrounding the two of them all eyeing Y/N. “Hey sweetheart why don’t you come with us ? We counld have a darn sweet night”, exclaimed the one that looked like the leader as the other two laughed behind him. “Back off”, Bucky had warned. He didn’t want to fight. He felt like he’d embarrass himself before Y/N. “Ohhh look who it is The Winter Soldier”, the other said mockingly. “What are you going to do? Kill me? You don’t have Captain America now to back you up do you ?”. Before Bucky could even reply the third guy let out a scream at which everyone turned to look at him to see him cradling what seemed like a freshly broken wrist and before he could even react the second one went flying into a pile of trash (where he belongs) and the main commentator’s head was being bashed strait onto the road by Y/N’s hand. “No, but he does does have an ex-black ops now turned into a CIA Agent to back him up”, she quipped seethingly through her teeth.

Bucky said nothing. His brain was still processing the information he was bombarded with. He walked Y/N to her car and drove back to Clint’s all while still processing.

So when Sam (who was just about to leave) asks “How was it ?” Bucky looks him in the eye and goes.

“I’m in love with Y/N.”

Tony had decided to prank Clint one fine day and told everyone that Clint was hosting a sleepover. So that meant Clint had to accomodated several idiots into his farmhouse. Within this chaos he also had a very great idea.

So when Y/N was pushed into Bucky’s room both stopped functioning.

Y/N spotted him angrily whispering into is phone as she got out of the shower. Throwing his phone into oblivion ,startled, when she called name out suddenly. “Y-You’re done ? Uhhhh you can take the bed doll, I’ll take the floor”,Bucky hates the floor but if it meant Y/N would be comfortable, he’d be ready to sleep on a block of ice. “Nope definately not ! We can share the damn bed Buck the floor uncomfortable !”, she argued. “ No Y/N you don’t understand I can’t !” “WHY! IS IT BECAUSE I MADE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE AFTER THAT DAY ?”, there was a grave silence between the two. He knew exactly what she was talking about. Bucky’s eyes soften and for the first time he realizes that he had never thaken the effort to know more about Y/N. He was focused on her helping him find himself. “Why would you say that ?” ,he said softly as he moved towards her and she moved backwards. “Because it is what it is isn’t it?”, she retorted. “NO IT IS NOT !”, Bucky sighed as he sat on the bed and watched the woman of importance as she paced around the room. “Why then Bucky ? You’ve been distant from me since that day....” “You won’t understand.....” “Try me” “I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU OKAY !”

12 minutes. It had been 12 minutes since Y/N had froze and stared at Bucky.

“Shut up. You’re lying” , she finally said.

“What ? No ! Why would I lie about that”,Bucky argued

“Because ! You are James Buchanan Barnes ! One of the most attractive men I have seen in my life period.”

“And here I’m the one firmly believing someone like me doesn’t even stand a change with someone as pretty as you.”

“See, you’re lying again”

“Doll, shut up before I will have to make you”, he warned

“Don’t make empty threats that you won’t fulfill James”, she challenged.

And with that Bucky has Y/N slammed into the bed , his mouth moving roughly along her’s as she puts her arms around his. There was something different about this Bucky. Y/N felt every single pent up frustration that the man kissing her had felt supressing his feelings had felt.

Soon enough they seperated, finally gasping for air. Bucky plopped beside Y/N as she placed her palm on his cheek rubbing a thumb over it while smiling at him blissfully.

“Take my hand

Take my whole life too

For I can't help falling in love with you”

“I love you...”, she said and somehow Bucky knew he had tears running down his cheeks. He curled into her arms. Clint’s loud speakers playing Elvis as the two dozed off to sleep. But Bucky waited for her to doze off, kissing her forehead as he ran his metal arm through her hair.

“Мой целитель, I love you too”, he said.

He wasn’t alone anymore. He was healed. His internal war had ended forever. That’s all he ever wanted. That’s all he was thankful for.

---The End---

Guess who almost cried writing this fic? That’s right! ME. Now I need myself a Bucky to hug. I really hope you liked this fic and I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH ON HOW MUCH I APPRECIATE YOU BEING SO PATIENT WITH ME! Please like, share, comment and reblog if you like my work to support me ! Please do not plagarise my hard work and thank you so much for reading!

~Love, Hri

#ask hri #ask response #ask reply #james bucky barnes #Bucky Barnes #bucky x you #bucky x reader #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes one shot #bucky barnes fanfiction #marvel x reader #mcu x reader #avengers x reader #ask me anything #SEND REQUESTS #send me asks #send asks

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shadow-night · 3 years

Text

Bounty Hunter in the Shadows Chapter 1

More chapters here on Ao3.

Story Tags: Erasermic, Friends to Lovers, young Aizawa Shouta, young Yamada Hizashi, Slow Burn, Slice of Life, Hurt/ Comfort, Angst and Feels, Comedy, Fluff, mental breakdown, PTSD, flashbacks, self-medication, drug use, homelessness, homeless Aizawa Shouta, unhealthy coping mechanisms, survivor guilt, cats, growing gp, character study, character development, recovery

Chapter 1: Aizawa and Yamada

Finally graduation day arrived. Aizawa held his UA high school diploma in his hands. This was a joyous occasion – or at least it should be. He should feel proud, which he did to an extent. Aizawa could not help but find the entire event nostalgic before it was even over.

He was a little proud he managed to pull through and finished school, graduating from the most famous hero school in Japan no less, but he also felt a deeply routed guilt. Yamada was joking and laughing with friends. Everyone was loud and happy, yet someone was missing.

Yamada tore Aizawa from his thoughts as he excitedly called out to him. Aizawa put on a teasing smile, silencing him with a quirk and vanished. It was meant as a joke but it also was great to escape his classmates.

Aizawa rolled his eyes at the endless amounts of texts Yamada sent him. He could practically hear the disappointed yelling while reading about how he had missed all the group photos. He didn't even bother to listen to the voice messages or pick his phone up when it rang. Aizawa went home and relaxed on his bed, knowing his foster parents wouldn't get home until later. He wondered what would happen if he left right this moment without another word to anyone. His suitcase was already packed.

A new message lit up his phone's home screen. Aizawa reached for the device, only now bothering to look at the chat.

Yamada:

We're all going out to eat tonight. Will you come?

Aizawa:

No. I promised them dinner.

It was true. He had promised his foster parents a ‘goodbye dinner’ before moving out. It was the reason why he didn't leave right this afternoon. They were decent people and were kind enough to give him space and not pressure him into spending more time together, so when they asked if he would have dinner with them tonight he couldn't say no.

Yamada:

But you're leaving tomorrow morning, right?! When will we see each other again??

That was a good point. It still hadn't quite sunken in that they would not be back at school again soon. They wouldn't just leave school for a weekend or a holiday, but forever. Aizawa almost regretted not staying longer at school now, though he also knew that it wasn't his thing. Seeing everyone excited for the future and sad they would part would have been a little too much. He was happier alone in his bedroom.

Yamada:

Can I come over?

Aizawa:

What about dinner?

Yamada:

We meet later. I'll come over.

Well. Now that that was decided all there was left to do was to wait for the energetic blonde. Wherever Yamada had been, he couldn't have been too far from his home. He was out of breath when, ten minutes later, he rang the doorbell non stop until the door was opened for him.

"Come on in." Aizawa said and they headed over to the brunet's room, where they sat down on the bed. At least Aizawa sat down. Yamada flopped onto the mattress still trying to catch his breath.

"You could have walked here." Aizawa noted.

"Yeah, but I didn't want to miss any more time! Who knows when we'll see each other again!" Yamada said.

"You're the one who wanted to work in America." Aizawa reminded him.

"I knoooow." Yamada whined, but then a grin returned to his face. "But I'm sure it's gonna be awesome!" he said determinedly.

"Just don't start talking to me in English all the time." Aizawa said and realized that he really would miss Yamada.

During their first year at U.A. he did not get particularly close with anyone but Shirakumo and Yamada. In their second year Aizawa had allowed himself to befriend Kayama a little. The cat Aizawa and Shirakumo found and gave to her had helped a lot in terms of befriending the girl who was a grade ahead of them.

After Shirakumo's death Aizawa made sure it stayed that way and distanced himself from others. He couldn't bear the thought of getting close to someone again only to loose them later. He looked at Yamada who lay on his back next to him on the bed, staring at the ceiling. Aizawa didn't want to think about how he would react if anything happened to the blonde.

"What train will you take tomorrow morning?" Yamada suddenly asked.

"Why? Don't tell me you want to meet me at the station." Aizawas tone was flat and seemingly uninterested.

"Ehhhh? Why not?!"

"You'll be hung-over." Aizawa stated.

"What? You really think us aspiring pro heroes will succumb to underage drinking?!" Yamada called out in mock surprise as if they hadn't- together in fact- gotten drunk before. Then he turned more serious. "I'd still come if you told me what time the train left." Yamada claimed.

"At 8:00 in the morning? Are you sure?" Aizawa said, a small smirk ghosting on his lips.

"Damn. That's early. Why are you torturing yourself like that?" Yamada asked, knowing how much Aizawa hated getting up early himself. Though, to be fair Aizawa seemed unhappy about getting up at any time. Insomnia was a real pain in the ass.

"I'll still come." Yamada said.

Aizawa just gave a low hum.

"You don't believe me! You'll see. I'll be there!" Yamada bumped his fist into Aizawa's shoulder.

"I didn't say anything." Aizawa said, raising his hands, showing his palms.

"Anyways." Yamada huffed. "You'll have to send me pictures of your apartment when you get there, alright."

"It's shitty. Nothing worth showing off." Aizawa protested.

"I don't care. I just want to see pictures."

"I'll send you pictures of the cockroaches I'll room with." Aizawa teased.

"Please don't!" Yamada looked horrified.

"You get those or nothing." Aizawa shrugged. This was nice. It was easy banter, just the two of them, nothing too overwhelming.

They fell into a comfortable silence, Yamada's eyes landing on Aizawa's packed suitcase.

Yamada had been surprised when Aizawa told him he would leave Musutafu the day after their graduation. He himself would travel to the US soon after the school year ended, but his flight went a week after graduation, giving him enough time to say goodbye to classmates and family. Well, Aizawa could count the friends he had on two fingers and he also did not have much family. Yamada did not know Aizawa’s host family particularly well but the few times he met them they seemed nice. Yamada could not help but wonder if Aizawa left so soon because he felt uncomfortable around them or if it had to do with Aizawa's general attitude and mood ever since their work study ended in their second year.

Yamada had a great support system at home but it was difficult mourning their dead friend himself and helping Aizawa at the same time. Shirakumo's death hit them both hard, though Aizawa definitely had a less healthy way of coping and far less support or people who didn't offer the support he needed which ended in him changing host families a month after their work study. It had been painful to watch Aizawa train in the Gym to the point he was so exhausted he fell asleep in their classes. Yamada had done his best to be there and watch Aizawa as often as he could, sometimes even training with him. It made them grow closer over time.

"You've got to take care of yourself." Yamada broke the silence.

Aizawa frowned, then looked away from the blonde. "You too."

"Hey, you missed out on all the pictures we took, let's take some now!" Yamada changed the subject. They wouldn't see each other in quite a while so they shouldn't just mop around. Aizawa was not impressed by the idea, but when Yamada sat up on the bed and sat right next to him he tilted his head towards the blonde as he held up his phone. Within minutes Yamada's camera roll filled up with new pictures of them both.

"You should leave soon, if you don't want to be late." Aizawa said eventually as he took notice of the time.

"I guess." Yamada said and sat up on the bed. "I'll see you tomorrow morning, alright?" He reminded Aizawa.

"Don't trouble yourself. It will be fine if you don't." He said.

The door fell shut and Aizawa stood alone in the quiet house. Dinner with his foster parents also was a quiet affair. He appreciated that. They did not try to get him to talk more than usual or try to talk him out of things last minute. They asked if he finished packing and if he still needed something, as if anything was worth the trouble of going out this late at night. There were plenty of stores with the same products where he moved. He let them know he had everything he needed and stayed seated at the table after dinner. They drank tea and let it sink in that things would be different from now on.

The night seemed to drag on forever and Aizawa barely slept. He got up early, even earlier than he had to, so he could make breakfast for everyone. He made his host parents favorite tea, put six slices of bread in the toaster oven and got out a pot to make miso soup. He didn't have to cook but even he could make something as simple as miso soup with tofu and seaweed. He set out the jam for the bread and got out some plates when his host parents came out.

Aizawa checked his phone when he got his suitcase after breakfast. No new messages showed up. The blonde sent him a few photos during the night, so Aizawa knew his classmates drank alcohol and stayed up until the early morning hours. He tried to ignore the slight pang in his chest. It was good Yamada had fun last night. He should rest now. They could talk over the phone later, he told himself pocketing his phone. He looked around the room one final time. It was clean and he already pulled the sheets off and put them into the washing machine.

"Remember you can call us anytime." His host mother told him as they stood in the entrance. Aizawa gave a slight nod to signal he heard her as he tied his shoes.

"Don't hesitate to ask for help." Her husband added.

"Thank you. For everything." Aizawa said, looking them in the eyes. He even gave both a hug before he stepped outside and pulled his suitcase to the station.

When Aizawa arrived at the nearest tram station, he realized he gave Yamada the time his other train would leave from the bigger train station. So even if the blonde intended to come he might have thought of the wrong place. He checked his phone but no new notifications showed up. Aizawa pocketed his phone as the tram came to a stop. The small tram was packed with people going to work and Aizawa shuffled to the door, pulling his suitcase as close as possible. He gave an apologetic nod to an older lady close to him. Aizawa focused his eyes outside the window looking at the familiar houses and stores passing by.

Finally the tram reached the central station. He arrived with some time to spare and checked his phone while he stood waiting at the platform. He felt a little forgotten but tried his best to push the feeling aside. He told Yamada not to worry about coming, so it wasn't fair to be mad at him for not showing up.

He could hear his train enter the station and then, even louder than the arriving train his name. "Aizawaaaaaaa!" He knew that voice.

Aizawa turned around to the direction the call had come from and saw Yamada running into the station. Several people held their ears and stared at the blond in irritation. He would have to get to this platform, but the train just arrived so there was enough time. Aizawa couldn't help but smile.

When Yamada finally came running down the stairs he looked like he would throw up any second. "The things I do for you." he huffed out of breath when he came to a stop in front of Aizawa.

"I told you, you didn't have to come." Aizawa said, but his smile gave him away.

"Please just tell me you are happy to see me so that it was worth coming." Yamada begged. He wore a t-shirt with an unidentifiable stain on it and one of his shoelaces was open. He was very pale and his unstyled hair hung in his face.

"Yeah. I'm happy." Aizawa gave in. "Thank's for coming." He said just as Yamada stepped away from him and threw up over the other side of the platform where no train was.

"Are you alright?" Aizawa asked, holding the other's hair back. Other people were stared more or less subtly.

"Ugh..." Yamada groaned. Aizawa glanced at the clock, "Wait here. I'll be right back." He said and jogged to a vending machine to get some water.

"Thank's." Yamada said after he washed his mouth out and took a sip. "Sorry about that." He said, rubbing the back of his head.

"Do you need money for a taxi back?" Aizawa asked.

"No, no! It's fine. Keep your money! I still have some." Yamada said. He pulled his walled out in demonstration. He knew Aizawa did not have much saved up and he doubted he suddenly accepted more from his host family.

"If you're sure." Aizawa said.

"Actually, let me pay you back for this." Yamada held up the bottle Aizawa just got him.

"It's just water." Aizawa shook his head.

"Alright. Thanks." Yamada put his wallet away again. They stood in silence for a moment after that.

"Well...-" Yamada tried to break the silence.

"I have to get on the train soon." Aizawa said at the same time.

"Ah...right. Well...I'll hear from you soon right? Send pictures!"

"Of roaches. Sure." Aizawa couldn't help but tease with a smirk.

"I got up and came all the way here and this is how you thank me?!" Yamada said so loud he winced himself. He hadn't even spoken that loud but with his head already pounding every decibel felt like too much.

"We'll see." Aizawa said and reached for his suitcase. Should he give Yamada a hug? His arms twitched, though he kept them at his side. "Get some rest." he said, taking a step back.

"You too!" Yamada nodded, wincing once more at his own volume.

"Thank's for coming." Aizawa said, standing in the train's doorway. "Bye."

"Bye." Yamada said a little quieter now, but with a smile on his face while he waved. The blonde was always so positive and energetic. It was nice. Aizawa waved as the door closed, then moved to look for his seat.

It was a window seat and he waved once more once he sat down. Yamada waved with two arms as the train began to move.

This was it.

Aizawa's chest felt tight as the train drove out of Musutafu. So many memories were connected to the city. Good, as well as bad. He gulped down the lump that formed in his throat and pressed his shirt's sleeve against his eyes. A new chapter of his life started with his move to Naruhata. There was no turning back now.

More chapters of Bounty Hunter in the Shadows on Ao3 :)

#erasermic #erasermic fanfic #bnha #mha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #aizawa shouta #present mic #aizawa + yamada #maizawa #bnha fanfic #mha fanfic

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thewidowsghost · 3 years

Text

Daughter of the Sea - Chapter 3

Percy's POV

Confession time: I ditch Grover as soon as we get to the bus terminal.

I know, I know. It was rude. But Grover is kinda freaking me out, looking at me like I am a dead man, muttering, "Why does this always happen?" and "Why does it always have to be the sixth grade?"

Whenever he gets upset, Grover's bladder acts up, so I'm not surprised when, as soon as we get off the bus, he makes me promise to wait for him, then makes a beeline for the restroom. Instead of waiting, I get my suitcase, slip outside, and catch the first taxi uptown.

"East One-hundred-and-forth and First," I tell the driver.

A word about my mother, before you meet her.

Her name is Sally Jackson and she's the best person in the world, which just proves my theory that the best people have the rottenest luck. Her own parents died in a plane crash when she was five, and she was raised by an uncle who didn't care much about her. She wanted to be a novelist, so she spent high school working to save enough money for a college with a good creative-writing program. Then her uncle got cancer, and she had to quit school her senior year to take care of him. After he died, she was left with no money, no family, and no diploma.

The only good break she ever got was meeting mine and (Y/n)'s dad.

We didn't have any memories of him, just this warm sort of glow, maybe the barest trace of his smile. Our mom doesn't like to talk about him because it makes her sad; she has no pictures.

See, they weren't married. She told us he was rich and important, and their relationship was a secret. Then one day, he set sail across the Atlantic on some important journey, and he never came back.

Lost at sea, my mom had told us. Not dead. Lost at sea.

She worked odd jobs, took night classes to get her high school diploma, and raised me and my twin on her own. She never complained or got mad. Not even once. But I knew I wasn't an easy kid.

Finally, she married Gabe Ugliano, who was nice the first thirty seconds we knew him, then showed his true colors as a world-class jerk. When I was young, I nicknamed him Smelly Gabe. I'm sorry, but it's the truth. The guy reeked like moldy garlic pizza wrapped in gym shorts.

Between the two of us, we made my mom's life pretty hard. The way Smelly Gabe treated her, the way he and I got along...well, when I came home is a good example.

I walk into our little apartment, hoping my mom would be home from work. Instead, Smelly Gabe is in the living room, playing poker with his buddies. The television blares ESPN. Chips and beer cans are strewn all over the carpet.

Hardly looking, he says around his cigar, "So, you're home."

"Where's Mom and (Y/n)?" I wonder aloud.

"Your mom's working," he says. "You got any cash?"

That was it. No Welcome back. Good to see you. How has your life been the last six months?

"I don't have any cash," I toll him.

"Here," comes a voice, holding out a ten to the man.

Instantly, a smile sneaks its way onto my face.

"Hey, Perc," my twin sister says with a smile.

(Y/n)'s POV

I grab my brother's suitcase and carry it into his room; I set it down on the bed.

"You wanna come sit in my room?" I ask and Percy nods, a smile still on his face.

I lead the way to my room and when I open the door, Percy sinks into my desk chair.

"Percy?" comes our mom's voice.

She opens my bedroom door.

Our mother can make me feel good just by walking into the room. Her eyes sparkle and change color in the light. Her smile is as warm as a quilt. She's got a few gray streaks mixed in with her long brown hair, but I never think of her as old. When she looks at me, it's like she's seeing all the good things about me, none of the bad. I've never heard her raise her voice or say an unkind word to anyone, not even me or Percy or Gabe.

"Oh, Percy," she hugs her son tightly. "I can't believe it. You've grown since Christmas.

Percy's POV

Her red-white-and-blue Sweet on America uniform smelled like the best things in the world: chocolate, licorice, and all the other stuff she sold at the candy shop in Grand Central. She'd brought me a huge bag of "free samples," the way she always did when I came home.

We sit together on the edge of (Y/n)'s bed. While I attack the blueberry sour strings, (Y/n) stealing a few pieces of candy from the bag, Mom runs her hand through my hair and demands to know everything I hadn't put in my letters. She doesn't mention anything about my getting expelled. She doesn't seem to care about that. But was I okay? Was her little boy doing all right? The whole time, (Y/n)'s eyes were sparkling with amusement.

I tell Mom she is smothering me, and to lay off and all that, but secretly, I was really, really glad to see her and (Y/n).

From the other room, Gabe yells, "Hey, Sally—how about some bean dip, huh?"

I grit my teeth.

My mom is the nicest lady in the world. She should've been married to a millionaire, not to some jerk like Gabe.

For her sake, I try to sound upbeat about my last days at Yancy Academy. I tell her I'm not too down about the expulsion. I'd lasted almost the whole year this time. I'd made some new friends. I'd done pretty well in Latin. And honestly, the fights hadn't been as bad as the headmaster said. I liked Yancy Academy. I really did. I put such a good spin on the year, I almost convince myself. I start choking up, thinking about Grover and Mr. Brunner. Even Nancy Bobofit suddenly doesn't seem so bad.

Until that trip to the museum...

"What?" my mom asks. Her and my sister's eyes tug at my conscience, trying to pull out the secrets. "Did something scare you?"

"No, Mom."

I feel back for lying. I want to tell her about Mrs. Dodds and the three old ladies with the yarn, but I think it'd sound stupid.

Mom purses her lips. Both she and (Y/n) could tell I was holding back, but neither push me.

(Y/n)'s POV

"I have a surprise for both of you," Mom says. "We're going to the beach."

Percy's eyes widen. "Montauk?"

"Three nights - same cabin."

"When?" I ask excitedly.

Mom smiles. "As soon as I get changed."

I can't believe it. Mom, Percy, and I hadn't been to Montauk the last two summers, because Gabe said there wasn't enough money.

Gabe appears in my doorway and growls, "Bean dip, Sally? Didn't you hear me?"

"I've got it," I offer, rising from the bed and walking out into the kitchen to make the dip for Mom.

An hour later, we are ready to leave.

Gabe takes a break from his poker game long enough to watch me and Percy lug Mom's bags to the car. He keeps griping and groaning about losing her cooking - and most importantly, his '78 Camaro - for the whole weekend.

"Not a scratch on this car, you two," he warns us as I load the last bag. "Not one little scratch."

Like we'd be the ones driving. We're twelve. But that didn't matter to Gabe. If a seagull so much as pooped on his paint job, he'd find a way to blame us.

We get into the Camero, me in the passenger's seat, and Percy in the back.

Our rental cabin is on the south shore, way out at the tip of the Long Island. It is a little pastel box with faded curtains, half-sunken into the dunes. There is always sand in the sheets and spiders in the cabinets, and most of the time the sea is too cold to swim in.

Percy and I love the place.

We'd been going there since Percy and I were babies. Our mom had been going even longer. She never exactly said, but I knew why the beach was special to her. It was the place she'd met mine and Percy's dad.

As we get closer to Montauk, Mom seems to grow younger, years of worry and work disappearing from her face. Her eyes turning the color of the sea.

We arrive at the cabin, open all the cabin windows, and go through our usual cleaning routine. We walk on the beach, feed blue corn chips to the seagulls, and much on jelly beans, blue saltwater taffy, and all the other free samples my mom had brought from work.

I guess I should explain the blue food.

See, Gabe had once told Mom there was no such thing. They had this fight, which seemed like a small thing at the time. But ever since, Mom had gone out of her way to eat blue. She baked blue birthday cakes. She mixed blueberry smoothies. She bought blue-corn tortilla chips and brought home blue candy from the shop. This - alone with keeping her maiden name, Jackson, rather than calling herself Mrs. Ugliano - was proof that she wasn't totally suckered by Gabe. She did have a rebellious streak, like Percy.

When it gets dark, we make a fire. We roast hot dogs and marshmallows. Mom tells us stories about when she was a kid, back before her parents died in the plane crash. She tells us about the books she wanted to write when she gets enough money to quit the candy shop.

Finally, it seems that Percy gets the nerve to ask about what was always on our minds when we come to Montauk - our father. Mom's eyes go all misty. I figure that she was going to tell us the same things she always said, but neither Percy and I ever got tired of hearing them.

"He was kind, Percy," Mom says. "Tall, handsome, and powerful. But gentle, two. You have his black hair, you know, Percy, and you both have his green eyes."

Mom fishes a blue jelly bean out of her candy bag. "I wish he could see you, Percy, (Y/n). He would be so proud."

Percy's POV

I wondered how she could say that. What's so great about me? A dyslexic, hyperactive boy with a D+ report card, kicked out of the school for the sixth time in six years.

"How old were we?" I ask. "I mean . . . when he left?"

Mom watches the flames. "He was only with me for one summer, Percy. Right here at this beach. This cabin."

"But...he knew us as a baby."

"No, honey. He knew I was expecting twins, but he never saw you two. He had to leave before you were born."

I try to square that with the fact I seem to remember . . . something about my father. A warm glow. A smile.

(Y/n) and I had always assumed that he had known us as babies. Mom had never said it outright, but still, we'd always felt it must be true. Now, to be told that he'd never even seen us . . .

I realize I feel angry at my father. Maybe it was stupid, but I resent him for going on that ocean voyage, for not having the guts to marry Mom. He'd left us, and now we are stuck with Smelly Gable.

"Are you sending me away again?" I ask her. "To another boarding school."

She pulls a marshmallow from the fire.

"I don't know, honey." Mom's voice is heavy. "I think . . . I think we'll have to do something."

"Because you don't want me around?" I regret the words as soon as they come out of my mouth. (Y/n) bows her head, looking at the ground and Mom's eyes well with tears.

Mom takes my hand and squeezes it tight. "Oh, Percy, no. I - I have to, honey. For your own good. I have to send you away."

Her words remind me of what Mr. Brunner had said - that it was best for me to leave Yancy.

"Because I'm not normal," I say.

"You say that as if it's a bad thing, Percy. But you don't realize how important you are. I thought Yancy Academy would be far enough away. I thought you'd finally be safe.

"Safe from what?"

She meets my eyes, and a flood of memories comes back to me - all the weird, scary things that had ever happened to me and (Y/n), some of which we'd tried to forget.

During third grade, a man in a black trench coat had stalked us on the playground. When the teachers threatened to call the police, he went away growling, but no one believed (Y/n) when she'd told them that under his broad-brimmed hat, the man only had one eye, right in the middle of his head.

Before that—a really early memory. I was in preschool, and a teacher accidentally put me down for a nap in a cot that a snake had slithered into. My mom screamed when she came to pick me up and found me playing with a limp, scaly rope I'd somehow managed to strangle to death with my meaty toddler hands.

In every single school, something creepy had happened, something unsafe, and I was forced to move.

I know I should tell my mom about the old ladies at the fruit stand, and Mrs. Dodds at the art museum, about my weird hallucination that I had sliced my math teacher into dust with a sword. But I can't make myself tell her. I have a strange feeling the news would end our trip to Montauk, and I don't want that.

"I've tried to keep you as close to me as I could," my mom says. "They told me that was a mistake. But there's only one other option, Percy—the place your father wanted to send you two. And I just...I just can't stand to do it."

(Y/n)'s POV

"Our father wanted us to go to a special school?" I ask, a little confused.

"Not a school," she says softly. "A summer camp."

My head starts spinning. Why would my dad - who hadn't even stayed around long enough to see me and Percy be born - talk about a summer camp?

"I'm sorry, (Y/n)," she said, seeing the look in my eyes. "But I can't talk about it. I—I couldn't send you two to that place. It might mean saying good-bye to you for good."

"For good?" Percy asks. "But if it's only a summer camp.

Mom turns towards the fire, and I know from her expression that if either of us ask her any more questions, she would start to cry.

I have a weird, vivid dream. It is storming on the beach, and two beautiful animals, a white horse, and a golden eagle are trying to kill each other at the edge of the surf. The eagle swoops down and slashes the horse's muzzle with its huge talons. The horse rears up and kicks at the eagle's wings. As they fight, the ground rumbles and a monstrous voice chuckles somewhere and beneath the earth, goading the animals to fight harder.

I run towards them, knowing I have to stop them from killing each other, but I am running in slow motion. I know I am too late. I see the eagle dive down, its beak aimed at the horse's wide eyes, and I scream, No!

I wake with a start.

Outside, it really is storming, the kind of storm that cracks trees and blows down houses. There is no horse or eagle on the beach, just lightning making false daylight, and twenty-foot waves pounding the dunes like artillery.

With the next thunderclap, my mom and Percy wake. Mom sits up, eyes wide, and says, "Hurricane."

I know that's crazy. Long Island never sees hurricanes this early in the summer. But the ocean seems to have forgotten. Over the roar of the wind, I hear a distant bellow, an angry, tortured sound that makes my hair stand on end.

Percy's POV

Then a much closer noise, like mallets in the sand. A desperate voice - someone yelling, pounding on our cabin door.

My mother springs out of bed in her nightgown and throws open the lock.

Grover stands framed in the doorway against a backdrop of pouring rain. But he isn't . . . he isn't exactly Grover.

"Searching all night," he gasps. "What were you thinking?"

My mother looks at me in terror - not scared of Grover, but of why he'd come.

"Percy," she says, having to shout to be heard over the rain. "What happened at school? What didn't you tell me?"

I am frozen, looking at Grover. I can't understand what I'm seeing, and I see (Y/n) looking at my friend.

"O Zeu kai alloi theoi!" he yells. "It's right behind me! Didn't you tell her?"

I am too shocked to register that he'd just cursed in Ancient Greek, and I'd understood him perfectly. I am too shocked to wonder how Grover had gotten here by himself in the middle of the night. Because Grover doesn't have pants on - and where his legs should be . . . where his legs should be . . .

Mom looks at me sternly and talks in a tone she'd never used before, and (Y/n) flinches: "Percy. Tell me now!"

I stammer something about the old ladies at the fruit stand and Mrs. Dodds, and my mom stares at me, her face deathly pale in the flashes of lightning.

She grabs her purse, tosses me and (Y/n) our rain jackets, and says, "Get the car. All three of you. Go!"

Grover runs for the Camero - but he isn't running, exactly. He is trotting, shaking his shaggy hindquarters, and suddenly his story about a muscular disorder in his legs makes sense to me. I understand how he can run so fast and still limp when he walks.

Because where his feet should be, there are no feet. There are cloven hooves.

Word Count: 3041 words

#percy jackson x sister reader #percy jackson and the olympians reader insert #female reader #fem reader #reader insert

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nervousmendes · 3 years

Text

Unsent Part 1 - Shawn Mendes

shawn x reader

a/n : so I'm finally back afer a really long break and I've been so excited to edit and post this one. I should also mention that is my first time writing angst so please be kind. any feedback would be much appreciated!

warnings : none, just 1.5k words of amateur angst and heartbreak

find more of my work : masterlist

It was a pleasant Saturday, the sun was long gone and the moonlight that spilled through the window was just enough to relax you while you worked on your research paper. Doing a PhD was never easy, and now that classes were going on in full swing, you were almost convinced that it was impossible. Your days mostly just consisted of you going to classes, working on essays, trips to the library and maybe watch a little Netflix before you hit the sack. It was a routine now, and you were always used to this life. You found your calm in the chaos whenever you could talk to your boyfriend who was touring somewhere in some city across the ocean. With your time zones never matching and him constantly traveling it was impossible to keep up with his schedule but you both did your best to stay as connected as possible.

When tour first kicked off, you missed Shawn so much. You hated the distance and you spent hours on end talking to him on facetime, blowing kisses and whining about wanting "virtual cuddles". It was a nightly ritual for the two of you to facetime immediately after his show, and since he was still in America at the time, it was easier to find a way to talk when you were both free. Even when you'd be too busy looking into your laptop screen while he was performing for thousands of excited teenagers every other night, there was some kind of warmth, some affirmation, that at the end of the day it was always going to be the two of you together until forever. Even though the physical distance made you sad, your relationship with him never seemed to burn out. Your love for each other was always so strong that the thought of being apart from each other never threatened your relationship.

But things shifted with time and the routine facetime calls went from after every show to every alternate show and then to every few days. You'd only text each other once or twice a day and it always felt like it was just for the sake of it. Sometimes you would go about your entire day and only realize before going to bed that you hadn't thought of him or spoken to him once throughout. You now knew more about him through his Instagram stories than you did from what he told you about tour. The quick ‘I love you’s exchanged before hanging up felt more mechanical than natural. Of course it hurt you, it made you feel guilty and made your heart ache at the same time, but you knew deep down that he was feeling that way too. It's not like he remembered to text you every single day either. It now turned into a subconscious competition of who would start the conversation first. Every text was thought out, typed, backspaced and rephrased. It felt like you didn't know each other as well as you once did. You would overthink not knowing whether a read receipt would do or a reply would be more reassuring. Everything seemed different, and not at all in a good way. As much as you hated to even think of it, a part of you felt that maybe you didn't love him anymore but your heart would never let you admit that.

You often went to bed not feeling sleepy at all, replaying all the memories from the initial stages of your relationship. The giddy first date, the awkward first kiss, the butterflies, the cheesy gifts and all the sneaking around. It felt like you were both different people back then. And maybe you just grew up or grew out of it, but does real love ever fade away? Does it suddenly empty itself and leave a void in your heart? How does it just make everything go away? You always thought, no you knew that he was the one. You still remember eighteen months ago at the fair, when he went down on one knee holding a huge stick of cotton candy in his hand, asking you to be "his honorable girlfriend until the end of time" and promised to never break your heart, you kissed him with everything in you right outside the Ferris wheel knowing in your heart that you already kind of wanted this forever. He had always been the one.

You both appreciated the little things, it was kind of what built your relationship with him. The reassuring glances from across a crowded room that made you uncomfortable, the hand around your waist when a distant friend would be “too nice” to you or the way his fingers played with your hair after a long, disheartening day were some of the many things you loved about your relationship with him. You always felt the need to be physically connected to him and it was almost common knowledge that Shawn's love language too was touch. You desperately missed the way his hand would automatically lace with yours while you walked together and the warmth it spread in you when his hands would go to the back of your neck to leave a tender kiss to your lips. And when one of you had a rough day, the other would kiss the stray tears away and you would both hold each other so tight until your ragged breaths would slow down and your hearts would beat to the rhythm of each other's pulse. All of that now felt like a distant memory, it was like you had him and lost him at the same time. Everything you once had with each other slipped right through your fingers. You would kill to go back in time and figure out anything you could've done differently to give this all a miss because the thought of even having to talk about the collected weight on both of your chests physically pained you. What if this was over? And even if it's not, what if there's nothing left to give? How were you going to go on knowing he's not yours anymore? While you learnt to live a life without him, you never once forgot that he would come right back to you. And now maybe he won’t and there’s nothing you could do about it. So many questions and so many thoughts ran through your head as you were still staring at the text you received about five minutes ago.

Hey I landed sometime back. On my way to Pickering. See u tomorrow? - Shawn

No “babe”. No “honey”. Nothing about the movies he watched on the flight, or the occasional "Omg we're SO watching it together". It was a plain text just to keep you informed. Mechanical. You thought back to the last time he came home from tour, when he first showed up at your door and pushed for you to come spend the weekend with him and his family in Pickering. Gone were those days when he'd ring you up as soon as he had service on his phone again to tell you how tiring the flight was or how much he hated the food, and on hearing that you would order his favourite pizza before he got home. You read and re-read the insipid words on your screen and after a lot of thinking, with a doubtful mind, you typed out a simple response.

Yes. Hope your flight was okay, get some rest tonight!

After humming and hawing for long enough, you hit send and patiently waited for the thumbs up he left under your text as an instant response. His lack of interest in continuing the conversation did sting, but you quickly pushed it away considering the fact that you were going to meet him the very next day and he’d clearly already had a tiring flight back to Toronto. You shifted around, pulling your blanket closer up to your face and just as you turned away and closed your eyes, the screen of your phone lit up again.

We need to talk, don't we... - Shawn

Shawn sat in his car parked outside his childhood home, right leg bouncing unconsciously and staring intently at the text he had just sent. He patiently waited for it to go from 'delivered' to 'read'. But it didn't. His bouncing leg was now shivering and the words he regretted typing out were staring right back at him. His fingers trembled over the screen, and with a shaky breath he unsent the message without giving it another thought. He took his bags and walked up to Karen and Manny at the door smiling widely as he silently thanked technology for saving him. But little did he know that your eyes were on the screen of your phone as you read those nauseating words under his contact name, and then watched the pop up disappear a minute after.

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I'm already working on part 2 and I can't wait to post it soon!! hope you liked this <3

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