#never trusted them never given them everything

[the-froschamethyst4]

Ex’s and Oh’s

𖤐Paring: Ex Husband! Ghost x Ex Wife! F! Reader

𖤐Pronouns: She/Her

𖤐AN: Sorry, it has taken me so long to post this, I've been busy and struggling with writers block for a while, it was hard to think of a way to start this story and also trying to not make it boring as well. Anyways, I hope you all will enjoy the fic version of headcanon

𖤐Based On: ex-husband-simon

𖤐Warnings: fluff, smut, language, ex's to lovers, children, kissing/making out, more use of Simon, abusive relationship,

𖤐Summary: Divorce is hard, and Simon didn't know it at all, he loved his ex-wife and did everything he could to be there for his kids

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Simon waits in the driveway for his kids, Silas the oldest child and Luna his youngest. He remembers this house his first house he's ever bought with his now ex-wife Y/n.

Y/n had given Simon divorce papers because she was always worried about Simon when he was away on deployment. When she was pregnant with Luna, she couldn't handle the stress.

He watches the front door open and his kids come rushing out, Luna hugging Simon's legs and Silas hiked his bags into the back seat of his fathers truck.

"Come on, kids," Simon says, he turns and sees Y/n in the doorway being hold by her new boyfriend, Duncan. Simon couldn't stand him.

Duncan just leeched off of Y/n. Her money, home, food, he didn't pay bills, he was basically a roommate. Y/n tried to get Duncan many jobs but he never lasted then 4 days.

That was all information from Silas and Luna.

Simon looks at his kids helping Luna into her car seat.

"Daddy, can we go to the Zoo?" Luna asked.

"Maybe next weekend," Simon tells her.

"But I wanna go today."

"Not today baby."

"Why?"

"Because...it's close for cleaning."

"The Zoo isn't closed," Silas jumps in.

"Yes it is," Simon says, looking at his son to be quite. At the moment Simon didn't have anything plan with his kids, he just wanted to relax with his children and help them with homework if they needed it.

"Daddy?" Luna looks up at him.

"Not today," he says again. He shuts the door.

"I'm sorry for the last minute pick up," Y/n walks to her ex-husband.

"It's okay.

Y/n had a meeting and she didn't trust...Duncan. Sure they're dating and all, but she trusts Simon a lot more than Duncan.

"I can't believe you asked him to do it...I'm surprised he even agreed," Duncan says, watching Simon pull out of the driveway. Duncan acts like Simon is a dead-beat father when he's not, Simon works and barely even gets to see his kids.

And Duncan doesn't even help out with the kids, the week ago, Silas needed to be picked up from football (Soccer) and Duncan "forgot" and Luna was home but locked out of the house and didn't know if anyone was home or not.

"What the hell do you mean? Simon is a good father, this isn't his first time picking up his children," Y/n says.

"But like...I'm surprised really," he chuckles.

"Duncan, he's not a dead-beat father," Y/n says.

"Sure, he is, sees his kids 40 days out of the year."

"He...works Duncan, unlike you," she says. "I need to get going."

"Can't believe you married that guy too, seems like an asshole."

"He never was!" Y/n stood up for her ex-husband but why? She's the one who gave him the divorce papers, why is she standing up for him? Because she still loves him.

Duncan was a distraction for Y/n, she still loved Simon, but couldn't bring herself to tell him that, she thought if she had a boyfriend maybe her mind will love him instead but it wasn't, she still loved Simon, and she'll defend him even if he doesn't want her to, she'll still do it for him.

Duncan also doesn't know he's a 'distraction' he thought Y/n did like him.

----------

Simon looks at his son and daughter in the rearview mirror they were eating their chicken nuggets or small cheese burger. They were hungry since Simon had picked them up around lunch time.

"How's everything?" Simon asked them.

"Good." Luna says.

"Amazing," Silas says.

"Good," Simon says as he starts to drive to his apartment complex.

Simon parked in his usual parking spot and he helps his kids out of the back seats of his truck. They head to the elevators and hit the 5th floor button going up.

Luna played with the toy she just got and Silas played with his. Once the door opened Luna headed to the apartment door and Silas walked with Simon holding his bag as Simon carried his daughters bag.

Simon opens the door and his kids rushed in going to their rooms grabbing more toys and dragging them to the living room that Simon cleaned just for them to mess it up again.

Simon smiles at his kids and jumps in to play with them, he jumps from playing Monster Trucks and Wrestling to Princesses and Pet Shops.

He likes to play with his kids, enjoying how they play and missed all times him and Silas use to play with each other, before Luna was born, he didn't play with her as much because of the divorce.

He lays on his back and Luna sits on his stomach, she pats his toned chest and was using his chest as a mountain for her Barbies to play mountain climber, he knew he had a big chest but he didn't think it was that big.

"Daddy, stop breathing it's messing with my Barbies."

"Baby, I can't just stop breathing," he chuckles which now causes his chest to bounce.

"Daddy," she groans.

"Okay, okay, I'll stop laughing, but I can't stop breathing," he smiles.

"Dad," he looks at his son, but he was looking at him upside down.

"Yes, buddy?"

"I don't like mama's new boyfriend," Silas says.

"You don't?"

"Yeah," Luna now jumps in. "He yells at us sometimes, even for nothing."

"Yelling at you? Are you sure it's just because you two might have...I don't know actually done something wrong?"

"Daddy, are you taking his side?"

"No, no, but-"

"No reason, dad," Silas says.

Simon sits up now holding his daughter so she doesn't fall and she slides down on his lap.

"I understand," he says, letting go of his daughter as she goes back to her Barbie's dreamhouse.

----------

9:00PM

His children had gone to bed now, and Simon decided to do something, something he's never done because it was never his business.

Duncan Matthews Age: 31 Height: 5'11 Job: Unemployed Criminal Background: DUI, 1st degree Stalking, Demotic Violence

"Goddammit Y/n...you're smarter than this," Simon groans.

Simon copies the link and pulls up his email, he was going to send it to Y/n. If she was unaware, which she's not, she wouldn't keep this guy around.

------------

Y/n was working late, she needed to get some files done and then she sees a notification pop up, it was from an anonymous email account.

She clicks it and then reading upon the email.

You're smarter than this with the screenshot of Duncan's police report attached to it.

She felt like she knew it was from. But she goes ahead and reads it anyways and then reading his charges.

*Ping*

Did you also know he yells at the children for no reason?

*Simon...what are you doing?* She thinks to herself.

Y/n then thinks of it, when she first brought Duncan home he was very rude to her children, but she brushed it off because sometimes her kids could be a little frustrating to deal with but she still loves them.

Duncan has also claimed that he didn't like kids and even though he knew about Y/n having kids still proceeded to be with her. Silas has brought up the fact that Duncan yelled at him and Luna a few times but Y/n thought was because they were doing something Duncan had told them many times to stop, so she brushed off again.

She now knows...she needs to listen to children more.

-----------

A Few Hours Later

Y/n was heading home now, she looks at her home from inside her car watching as the only light was on was the living room light, Duncan must've still been up.

She gets out of her car and locking it up and heading inside, she was right, he was still up, playing video games and yelling while he played them.

He was so annoying.

"Duncan, can you turn that off? It's almost midnight, and I have to go to bed to be able to get ready for work tomorrow," she says. She doesn't want to be up all night because of her dumb boyfriend always yelling at the games he play.

"Later, I'm not done-"

"Now, please," she cuts him off.

"Seriously? ALL I DO FOR YOU AND THIS IS HOW I AM TREATED!?"

"DO WHAT!? YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A JOB, I PAY FOR EVERYTHING! WHAT DO YOU MEAN EVERYTHING YOU'VE DONE FOR ME!? YOU DON'T DO SHIT, BUT SIT HERE AND PLAY YOUR STUPID VIDEO GAMES AND I'M FINDING OUT YOU YELL AT MY CHILDREN!!! WHAT TYPE OF PERSON ARE YOU!?" She yells back.

*Smack*

A sharp pain stung on Y/n's right cheek, she holds her cheek, tears threatening to fall from her eyes.

He just smacked her.

------------

A Few Days Later

Simon held his daughter and set her in her car seat. Silas buckled himself up and was ready to go back to his mothers house.

As Simon pulled into the driveway helping his kids out of the truck, the front door opened and he turns with a smile on his face ready to tell her how much fun his children had at his apartment, but he sees her face.

She looked upset, and then he sees a bruise over her left eye and a red mark on her cheek.

"Y/n?"

"Thanks for bring my kids back safely," she says, giving him a smile.

"Hey...are you okay?"

"Don't worry about me," she says.

"Hey," Simon then cups her face. She doesn't move, it was like she misses his touch and his worried face. "What...the hell happened?" He asks.

"He-"

"Oh finally you brought the kids back, how was it, rug rats?" Duncan asks coming outside and Y/n moves her face from Simon's hands.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO!?" Simon grabs Duncan and Y/n ushers her children inside to not witness whatever Simon is going to do to Duncan.

Simon grabs Duncan's shirt throwing him to the ground, Duncan let's out a groan when his back hits the concrete.

"SIMON!" He stops whatever he's about to do, and starts pushing Duncan down the concrete stairs.

"Get the fuck away from my family!" He yells and Duncan starts to scramble to his feet and run away from the house. Simon was breathing heavily to stop himself from chasing after Duncan.

Simon turns to Y/n and her children hiding behind their mom, they've never, never, ever seen Simon like this before, it was almost like they didn't even know him.

"Are you okay?" Simon asks, Y/n.

"Simon-"

"I know...I don't need to fight your battles for you...but when I saw you standing there with bruises on your body, I just lost control because I knew he was the one who didn't, you don't just get those from nothing," he says.

"You-I could've called the police!"

"Tell him to collect his things, I'll be here when he does show up. I don't want him near my children or you ever again."

"You're not my dad-"

"So, you want him to keep doing what he is doing?"

"No."

"Then call him and tell him to collect his shit, and I'll be here to make sure no funny business happens, do you understand?"

"Fine."

-------------

It was a week later now, Simon did what he said he'll do and he stayed in the house as Duncan and few of his friends gathered his shit and left, it was easy, a little too easy.

"Don't ever fucking come back, do not ask her for forgiveness, now fuck off, all of you," Simon says, slamming the door in their faces and he watched as they left the driveway.

"That was too easy, dad," Silas says as he stood next to Simon.

"I know..." Simon bends down to his son. "I want you to keep an eye on your sister and mother, anything happens, you call me or the police do you understand?"

"Yes, dad."

"I don't need protection," Y/n says.

"You do, if I'm not around," Simon says.

"Mommy, daddy, can we go to the park? It's nice out and I want to play outside," Luna says from the living room.

"Sure, come on, go get shoes on," Simon says. Y/n looks at Simon in a 'are you serious?' type of look, she wanted Simon gone, she wanted to spend her day with her children since Duncan was now gone for good.

"What?" Simon teases.

"Mama, are you mad at dad?" Silas asked, looking up at Y/n.

"No, no, I just...I just wanted to spend time with you guys."

"You can spend time with us, with daddy!" Luna yells coming down the stairs.

Y/n looks at Simon then down at her kids. Maybe, just maybe she'll let this slide once, she's only doing this for her children.

----------

Luna was going down the slide and Silas was at the bottom of the slides arms wide open catching his younger sister from falling onto the dirty mulch.

"I'm sorry, he did those things to you-"

"Could we not bring him up, please. I'm only here for my children, I'm not here...to be friends with you, Simon."

"I don't understand what I did for you to hate me?"

"I don't hate you Simon."

"Seems like it," he rests his chin on his palm.

"I'm just...annoyed...I'm not a Princess that needs saving every time I get into trouble, I can handle myself. It seems like every time you're over here, I'm somehow in trouble and you come to my rescue," she says.

"I know you're not a Princess, Y/n...and I don't mean to come to your rescue every time, but I can't just sit back and watch someone hurt you for no reason," he tells her.

"Mama! Luna is picking weeds again!"

"DANDILIONS AREN'T WEEDS!!" Luna yells at her brother while giving the brightly yellow flowers to Y/n.

"Thank you, baby," she kisses Luna's temple as her kids went back to play.

"I'm glad you let me come," Simon says.

"Again...I only did it for my kids."

"I know."

-------------

A month later now. Simon was waiting for his kids, Luna or Silas haven't said anything about Duncan in a while, or anything about Y/n since the park.

Simon sees his kids rushing out and Luna pulled on Simon's hand.

"What, Luna?"

"Mama, wants to see you," she says.

"Okay, okay, get in the truck and I'll be right back, okay?"

"Okay," she says as his kids get inside the truck he goes into the house.

"Y/n?" He calls out. "Y/n?" Once more.

"Upstairs," he goes upstairs and sees at the end of the hallway, her bedroom door open, he walks to the door, peeking through seeing her in a towel and she seemed like she was getting ready for work.

"Y-You wanted me?" He asks. Y/n turns and let's him in.

"Yeah, can you tell me which shirt would go great with my skirt?" She holds up a red button up and and black on, her skirt was just a plain black pencil skirt, black goes with anything, but why is she asking him? She already knows what will go good with the skirt.

"I think they both will look good with it-but why are you asking me?"

"Because...your opinion is a bit valid," she says, dropping the shirts.

"My opinion is valid?"

"Forget it," she says, she turns her back and Simon smiles, she was asking for his opinion.

Simon walks to her, his hands gently caressing her waist. She doesn't stop him, she misses his touch. It was always gentle and soft, he wasn't demanding for her attention or anything, he just wanted to know if his touch still had an effect on her, and it did.

He kisses her neck, earning a soft moan from her lips, her hand goes to his cheek to let him keep going. Y/n then leans back into his touch, his hands going to her towel and letting it lose and fall to the ground.

She turns and looks at Simon, his eyes roam all over her body, from her breasts and her perky nipples to her thighs that were squeezing together. She didn't cover herself up like she was embarrassed that he was staring at her bare body. For fuck's sake, Simon has seen her naked body before.

Simon picks her up and putting her on the bed, moving her clothes out of the way, he picks up her thighs and moving them against her chest, he leans down and kisses her lips.

His tongue along with hers dancing around, and soon her was messing the belt of his pants. He looks into her eyes almost like he was asking for permission. She slightly nods her head, allowing him to push himself into her, earning a soft moan from her lips.

He slowly rocks his hips back and forth watching her head go back against the mattress of her bed, her arms wrapped around his neck pulling him closer to her chest and his kissed both sides of her breasts and then started to suckle on her left nipple while his hand kneads her right breast.

Simon starts picking up the pace her moans were loud now and with every thrust, her moans would go at a higher pitch. She missed this feeling of Simon being inside her. Duncan could never do what Simon does.

Simon looks down at her stomach seeing him just barely bulging from her lower stomach. He smirks and holds her face to let her look at him as he goes a bit harder now. Her nails dug into his arm from the pleasure.

"S-Simon." She moans.

"I know, baby, I know, you can come," he tells her, with a few more thrusts she ends up coming on his dick. He smiles and pulls out watching both of their cum mix together.

He goes down and starts cleaning her up, he then remembers.

"The kids! I need to get going," he says. "I love you, and I'll see you later, sorry for this all of a sudden."

Y/n smiles, he's so flustered, he's never been like that before, she rolls on her side to watch him leave, she gets up and starts cleaning herself up and starts to get ready for work.

She missed him, she truly did. She just hides it.

#cod modern warfare #cod mw2 #cod mwii #cod x reader #fandom #fanfic #call of duty #mw2 #cod #ghost cod #ghost x y/n #simon ghost x reader #ghost x you #ghost call of duty #ghost mw2 #ghost x reader #simon ghost riley #ghost #simon riley x you #simon riley smut #simon riley x reader

[harrysfolklore]

home hero - charles x reader

gif by @princemick <33

MASTERLIST | MY PATREON

Monaco is Charles' home. Growing up, he had watched the Grand Prix from the balconies and rooftops, dreaming of the day he would stand atop the podium. Each year, the pressure mounted as he came so close, only to have victory slip through his fingers.

Today felt different. There was a determined glint in his eye this morning as he kissed you goodbye and headed to the track. You could tell he was ready, more focused than ever before. You had to believe this was his year.

"Are you nervous?" you asked, leaning against the kitchen counter asyou watched him get everything he needed before heading out.

"More than usual," he admitted, flashing you a quick smile,"But I feel good. I have a good feeling about today."

"You’ve got this, Charles. I believe in you," you walked over to him, wrapping your arms around his waist.

"Thank you. I don't know what I'd do without you," he hugged you tightly, resting his chin on top of your head.

"You'd still be amazing," you said, looking up at him,"But I'm glad I get to be here with you."

You arrived at the circuit, the familiar roar of engines filling your ears as you made your way to the paddock. You found your usual spot in the Ferrari garage, the team bustling around with last-minute preparations. You exchanged nervous smiles with the crew, all of you hoping for the same outcome.

You watched as Charles went through his pre-race routine, meticulously checking everything himself even though he trusted his team completely. He looked up at you and smiled, his nervous eyes softening the moment they landed on you.

"Hey, come here," he called softly, waving you over.

You walked over, taking his gloved hand in yours. "You’re going to do great, you know that, right?"

"I just," he sighed, "Really want that win, you know? Not just for me, but for my family, my friends, for us," you smiled fondly at his words, "This is my home and everyone believes in me, I don't want to keep letting them down."

"Charles, you've never let anyone down," you squeezed his hand, "You've given everything you have, every time and that's why everyone believes in you. No matter what happens today, you're already a champion in our eyes."

"You're too sweet," he teased with a small smile, pecking your lips quickly, "I need to go. I'll see you after the race."

"Be safe out there," you said, giving him one last lingering kiss.

You watched as he made his way to the car, taking a deep breath before climbing in. The race was about to begin, and the anticipation was palpable. You found your seat in the garage, eyes glued to the screen, heart pounding with every lap.

As the race progressed, it was clear that Charles was driving with everything he had. Lap after lap, he maintained his position and defended his lead against the competition.

With only a few laps to go, the tension in the garage was at an all-time high. You could barely breathe, every fiber of your being focused on Charles and the car.

And then, it happened. Charles crossed the finish line and the checkered flag was waved, securing his first win at the Monaco Grand Prix. The garage erupted in cheers, and you felt tears of joy streaming down your face.

He did it. He actually did it.

Before you even knew what was happening, you ran to the pit wall, heart soaring with pride as you watched Charles climb out of the car, his face a mixture of disbelief and pure elation. He waved to the crowd, taking in the moment before making his way over to the barrier, his eyes searching for you.

You pushed through the crowd, your heart racing as you made your way to him. When he finally saw you, his face lit up with the brightest smile you'd ever seen.

"Charles!" you called out, your voice cracking with emotion.

"We did it!" he shouted, pulling you into his arms and hugging you tightly, his voice full of joy and relief.

"You did it," you corrected, laughing through your tears. "I'm so proud of you!"

"I couldn't have done it without you," he said, pressing his forehead against yours. "Fuck! I can't believe this is real."

You kissed him, a sweet and lingering kiss that held all the words you couldn't say in that moment. When you pulled back, you saw the love and gratitude in his eyes, and it made your heart swell with even more pride.

"Now go stand on top of the podium, you deserve it."

The celebrations were in full swing as it was time for the podium. Charles was greeted with cheers and applause from the team, his family, and the fans who had supported him through thick and thin. The Monegasque flag waving proudly above him.

The national anthem played, and you watched as tears of pride and joy rolled down Charles' cheeks. This was the moment he had dreamed of, the moment he worked so hard for. And now, it was finally here.

#charles leclerc au #charles leclerc x y/n #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc x you #charles leclerc fluff #charles leclerc smau #charles leclerc fake instagram #charles leclerc #charles leclerc fanfic #formula 1 fanfic #formula 1 #charles leclerc fanfiction #harrysfolklore #f1 x reader #max verstappen #oscar piastri x reader #formula 1 x reader #monaco gp 2024 #monaco grand prix #scuderia ferrari

[mopopshop]

pls make a part 2 to wildflower it was so good omg 💕💕

The Love of My Life

Part 1 <- here

Hours had passed since Emily stormed out, and you'd managed to cry yourself into a restless nap on the couch. The soft light of dawn began creeping through the windows, casting a dim glow across the living room. The TV, still playing re-runs of the Golden Girls, became a blur in the background as you slowly woke up.

The sound of the front door unlocking roused you fully. You sat up groggily, wiping at your eyes and trying to make sense of your surroundings. Emily walked in quietly, her face a mixture of exhaustion and regret. She looked at you, eyes softening when she saw the tear-streaks on your cheeks.

"Hey," she began hesitantly, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Hey," you replied, your voice still thick from sleep and emotion.

Emily walked over to the couch and sat down beside you, leaving a small space between you. She took a deep breath, staring at her hands before speaking again. "I’m.. so sorry. I can’t even begin to explain how sorry I am, I was being so unfair to you and… you did nothing for me to act the way I did. I was being a dick, baby I’m so so sorry. “

You looked at her, the hurt from last night still fresh but mixed with a glimmer of hope. "I just., why did you act like that, Emily? It’s not like you to just... shut down and lash out like that”

She sighed, running a hand through her hair. "I don’t know. Seeing you with that girl... it just brought up a lot of insecurities. I felt like I was losing you, I don’t even know why but I did and instead of talking to you about it, I let it eat me up inside."

"Emily, I’m not even mad about the argument I’m just pissed that you didn’t think you could talk to me about it. Like? We-we tell each other everything and it hurts me that you didn’t even try to-“ you cut yourself off, tears springing to your eyes once again. You shove your face in your hands as an attempt to calm yourself so you can get through your sentence but it doesn’t seem to work, once the tears fall they don’t stop. 

Emily’s heart sinks at the sight of you crying, she immediately scoots off the couch and kneels down in front of you. She places her hands on your knees, rubbing gentle circles into them.

“I know, I know, and I’m so sorry for that. I should have come to you right away, told you how I was feeling. You’re right, we do tell each other everything, and I don’t know why I didn’t this time. I let my insecurities get the best of me, and that was wrong.”

You sniffle, trying to wipe the tears from your face “I just don’t understand, Emily. I’ve never given you a reason to doubt me. Why didn’t you trust me?” 

“It’s not about you, baby it’s about me. I’ve got these insecurities and fears, and sometimes they just...take over. But that’s not fair to you. I should’ve never made that your issue.”

You sniffle again, nodding “I want this to be done with honesty, I just need reassurance that we’re gonna communicate better in the future.”

“We will, we will, we’ll get better, I’ll get better especially. I’m so so sorry, my love” she reaches for your hands, kissing the knuckles from her position on the floor “Please forgive me baby, I fucked up. I love you so much”

You roll your eyes teasingly “I love you too, I guess I forgive you”

You both chuckle and stand up, you wrap your arms around her broad shoulders as hers curl around your waist. You stand there swaying in the living room before sharing a deep kiss. 

You pull apart, pressing your foreheads together and you speak up “I don’t know about you but i’m fucking exhausted” you giggle 

“Same” she chuckles back 

“Carry me?” you put on your best puppy dog eyes, fully expecting her to carry you to your room bridal style.

She smiles and that’s the only warning you get before she throws you over her shoulder, cackling to herself.

“Emily! This is not- what I meant!” you squeal, smacking her back.

She’s still laughing to herself as she drags you to your bedroom. 

…

—————————————————————————

smb said they wanted emily to beg on her knees for forgiveness and i literally couldn’t get that out of my mind 😓🙏🏾

hope you guys enjoyed!

#women’s basketball #ncaa #ncaa women’s basketball #wnba #wlw #emily engstler #emily engstler x reader #emily engstler headcannons

[foxstens]

never not thinking about how kevin day is david wymack's son

imagine you're kevin, practically born with a raquet in your hand, you grow up with your mother for a while and maybe you ask about your father and she tells you not to worry about it, or maybe you just never ask because she doesn't mention it and you don't know how important it is, yet. then she dies, you're moved to evermore, it's so different from what you've seen previously but you have no choice so you just bow your head and do your best to survive, clinging onto your mother's sport, clinging onto the idea that you'll become a star.

you're there for so long you eventually forget you've ever been outside of it, but you see how desperate riko is for his father's attention so you start wondering, however briefly, about the concept of a father.

then you're in high school, you find the letter and suddenly it's not just a vague concept you have to wonder about, suddenly it's something real and tangible. you've heard of david wymack, it would've been impossible not to since he was a friend of your mother's and considering the kind of team he's taken up to creating, maybe you've even met him extremely briefly at some point. you know enough about the industry to think his team isn't just a publicity stunt, and somehow you know that if he finds out he'll do everything in his power to get you out.

you're not stupid enough to tell riko this, but you do tell jean and he laughs at you. of course he does. but you've been there for too long, you've seen too much, and you're old enough to understand what the master would do if he deemed david wymack to be a threat. you can't leave riko's side therefore you can't tell him any time soon, possibly ever, so you resolve to reading the letter over and over instead. (riko reads it almost as often as you)

then you're 19 and the erc thinks riko is holding you back. you're 19 and you're watching riko stomp on everything you've built up through the years. you're 19 and the letter is the only reason you have the strength to leave.

you tell wymack and the team as much as you dare because they deserve to know the risks of having you here, and wymack takes it in stride, he puts himself and his team at risk and even takes out loans to keep you here, like you knew he would. he signs you and he deserves to know about the letter, the more time passes the worse it'll be when you do tell him, but you can't yet because it's too soon and you don't trust yourself to tell riko no when the time comes.

then neil is asking for your help

now imagine you're wymack. your childhood was shit and you didn't have the support you needed at the time, but you believe you can be better than the hands that shaped you. kayleigh taught you everything you know about exy, and you loved her so it stung when she died and you couldn't be there for her only son. but, no matter what you might think of tetsuji moriyama, you don't think kayleigh would send her son to an unsafe place. you just go on with your days, maybe tune in on the news to see that kevin's doing well. you have no reason to think otherwise.

when you have the opportunity to start an exy team from scratch, you dedicate it to the kids that need another chance, the kids the world has given up on. you'll never give up on them.

then, what feels like a lifetime later, kevin day is standing in front of your hotel room and asking you for help. he's saying his 'beloved brother' broke his hand, he's saying the moriyamas are part of the yakuza, he's saying they'll kill him if they find him. throughout the year you get to know him better, you see that he's grown up to be a caged and abused wreck, you see he was raised to care about nothing but exy, you see him having a panic attack at the mere mention of having to face his former team, you see him drinking himself to oblivion to cope. you can't undo the past so you do your best to support him now, but damn if you don't wish you could've been there for him.

then he's telling you he's your son

#my posts #liveblogging aftg #aftg #all for the game #kevin day #david wymack #the foxhole court #tsc spoilers #the sunshine court #long post #my rambles #i made myself cry as i always do when i think about them #i rlly wonder how the Talk went though #like kevin probably had to tell him exactly why he hadnt told him sooner #and that. thats fucked up #how many times do you think wymack's heart broke #like theres a lot of cruel things in this series but this has to be one of the worst

[horeformilfs]

Sorry to bug ya but I was wondering if you’d mind a Alcina x ex umbrella experiment s/o

Like there super snuggly because “this touch doesn’t hurt what!!”

If you want to add some Demi fam in there I am not opposed because it’s cute

Only if you wanna

A Family's Embrace

Dimitrescu Family x Gender Neutral Reader

TW: Panic Attack, PTSD, Nightmares

------------------------------------------------

The night was quiet, save for the occasional rustle of the wind against the ancient walls of Castle Dimitrescu. Y/N sat by the window, staring out at the endless stretch of darkness that cloaked the land. The room was warm, a stark contrast to the cold void outside, but inside, Y/N felt a chill that had nothing to do with the weather.

Alcina had taken Y/N in under Mother Miranda's request. What was once a dark, twisted experiment of the Umbrella Corporation had somehow found refuge in the imposing, yet oddly comforting embrace of the castle and its inhabitants. Lady Alcina Dimitrescu and her daughters had taken to Y/N almost immediately, showering them with a kind of warmth Y/N had never known. Yet, despite this new-found sanctuary, there was a barrier Y/N couldn't seem to break down.

"Y/N," Alcina's voice, smooth and deep, echoed from the doorway. Y/N turned slightly, catching sight of the towering figure of Alcina, her presence filling the room with a mix of elegance and power.

"Yes, Lady Dimitrescu?" Y/N replied, their voice barely above a whisper.

Alcina's crimson lips curved into a gentle smile as she crossed the room, her steps almost silent. "How many times must I tell you, dear? Call me Alcina." She reached out, intending to place a comforting hand on Y/N's shoulder, but Y/N flinched away, pulling back instinctively.

A flicker of frustration crossed Alcina's face, but she quickly masked it. "Y/N, why do you shy away from me? Have I done something to make you uncomfortable?" Her voice was still gentle, but there was an edge to it now, a hint of impatience.

Y/N looked down, their hands trembling slightly. "It's not that, Alcina. I just... I don't want to." Their voice broke at the end, and they clenched their fists, trying to steady themselves.

Alcina's patience was wearing thin. "Not want to? You barely speak to me, you avoid my touch, and yet you never explain why. Do you not trust me? After everything I've done for you?" Her voice rose with each word, the calm exterior cracking to reveal the storm beneath.

Y/N's heart pounded in their chest, the pressure of Alcina's words weighing heavily on them. "It's not about trust," they whispered, tears beginning to blur their vision. "I just can't..."

Alcina's temper snapped. "Can't what, Y/N? Can't let anyone in? Can't accept that someone might actually care for you?" She loomed over Y/N, her shadow engulfing them. "I have given you everything, and yet you give me nothing in return!"

The words hit Y/N like a physical blow. They stood, shaking, their mind a chaotic swirl of fear and confusion. "I'm sorry," they choked out, before turning and fleeing the room, leaving Alcina standing there, her anger giving way to a painful realization. 

Hours passed, and Alcina found herself pacing the halls of the castle, her mind replaying the confrontation over and over. She had always prided herself on her composure, but something about Y/N brought out a raw, unfiltered emotion she couldn't control.

Determined to make things right, she made her way to Y/N's room. She knocked softly, then opened the door, finding Y/N curled up on the bed, their face buried in their knees.

"Y/N," she said softly, the anger gone from her voice. "Please, talk to me."

Y/N looked into Alcina's eyes, seeing the sincerity and the pain reflected there. It was a moment of understanding, a fragile bridge being built between their two wounded souls. But the past held a tighter grip than Y/N had realized.

"I can't," Y/N whispered, the words heavy with regret. "I'm sorry, Alcina. I just can't let you in."

Alcina's hand froze, the warmth of her touch lingering in the air between them. A mixture of hurt and frustration flashed across her face. "Y/N, you don't have to do this alone. I want to help you, but you need to let me."

Y/N shook their head, tears streaming down their cheeks. "I'm broken, Alcina. And no matter how much you care, I can't change that. I don't know how to let anyone in without breaking even more."

The silence that followed was thick with unspoken words and shattered hopes. Alcina slowly pulled back, standing tall once more, her expression unreadable. "I understand," she said quietly, though the tremor in her voice betrayed her emotions. "I won't force you. But know this, Y/N: I am here for you, whenever you're ready."

Y/N nodded, unable to find the words to respond. They watched as Alcina left the room, her footsteps echoing down the hallway, leaving Y/N alone with their thoughts and fears.

The night seemed even darker now, the cold seeping back in as Y/N curled up on the bed once more. They knew Alcina's love was genuine, but the chains of the past were still too strong. And so, they lay there, wrapped in a cocoon of their own making, waiting for a dawn that felt so far away. 

Weeks passed in a tense stalemate. Every attempt Alcina made to offer comfort was met with the same response—Y/N flinching away, retreating further into their shell. Alcina tried to be patient, but the constant rejection gnawed at her. She wanted to break through, to help, but Y/N's walls remained impenetrable.

One night, a storm raged outside the castle, the wind howling and rain lashing against the stone walls. Y/N lay in bed, tossing and turning as memories of the experiments flooded their mind. In their nightmares, they were back in the sterile, cold labs of Umbrella, the pain and fear suffocating them.

A loud crack of thunder shook the castle, jolting Y/N awake. Heart pounding, drenched in sweat, they couldn't catch their breath. Panic seized them, and they bolted out of bed, the need to escape overwhelming their thoughts. Barefoot and in their nightclothes, they ran through the corridors, the storm's fury mirrored in their frantic pace.

They found themselves in the courtyard, the rain drenching them instantly, but they didn't stop. Lightning illuminated the path as they made their way to Alcina's wing of the castle. The wind howled, the storm's ferocity making the journey treacherous, but Y/N didn't care. They needed Alcina.

Reaching her door, they pounded frantically, their fists a blur against the heavy wood. "Alcina! Please!" they cried, their voice barely audible over the storm's roar.

The door swung open, and Alcina stood there, her eyes wide with shock. "Y/N?" She pulled them inside, closing the door against the storm's rage. Y/N stood before her, drenched and trembling, their eyes wild with fear.

"What's wrong?" Alcina asked, her voice gentle but firm, trying to anchor Y/N in the present.

"I... I can't breathe," Y/N gasped, clutching at their chest. "The nightmares... I can't..." Their words trailed off into sobs, their body shaking uncontrollably.

Alcina's heart ached at the sight. She wanted nothing more than to hold Y/N, to offer the physical comfort she knew they needed. But she held back, respecting their boundaries. Instead, she knelt down to their level, her eyes meeting theirs.

"Y/N, look at me," she said softly. "You're safe here. Focus on my voice."

Y/N's eyes darted around the room, their breath coming in short, shallow gasps. Alcina spoke again, her voice steady and calm. "In and out, Y/N. Breathe with me. In... and out..."

Slowly, Y/N tried to match Alcina's rhythm. The world narrowed to the sound of her voice, a lifeline in the storm of their mind. "That's it. You're doing great," Alcina encouraged, her eyes never leaving theirs.

Minutes passed, each one feeling like an eternity, but gradually, Y/N's breathing steadied. Their sobs subsided, leaving them exhausted and still shivering from the rain and the aftermath of their panic attack.

Alcina rose gracefully, her movements slow and deliberate. "Let's get you out of these wet clothes," she suggested. "I have something dry you can wear."

Y/N nodded weakly, too drained to argue. Alcina retrieved a robe from her wardrobe and handed it to them. She turned her back, giving Y/N privacy to change. Once they were in dry clothes, Alcina led them to a chair by the fireplace, where the warmth began to seep back into their bones.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Alcina asked, sitting across from them, maintaining a respectful distance.

Y/N shook their head, their eyes downcast. "It was the same as always. The labs, the experiments... I couldn't escape."

Alcina's expression softened. "I'm sorry you have to go through this, Draga. I wish I could take away your pain."

"I know," Y/N whispered, their voice barely audible. "I'm sorry I keep pushing you away. It's not that I don't trust you. I just... I don't know how to accept help."

Alcina nodded, her eyes filled with understanding. "Healing takes time. And it's okay to take things at your own pace. Just know that I'm here for you, whenever you're ready."

Tears welled up in Y/N's eyes, and they looked at Alcina, seeing the unwavering support and care in her gaze. "Thank you," they said, their voice breaking. "I don't deserve your kindness."

Alcina shook her head gently. "Everyone deserves kindness, Draga Mae . Especially you."

For a moment, the room was silent, the storm outside a distant roar. Y/N took a deep breath, feeling a small measure of peace for the first time in what felt like forever. They still had a long way to go, but with Alcina by their side, maybe, just maybe, they could start to believe in the possibility of healing.

As the fire crackled and the storm raged on, Y/N felt a fragile hope begin to take root, nurtured by the warmth of Alcina's unwavering support. It wasn't a solution, but it was a step. And in that moment, it was enough. 

As the night slowly passed, Alcina stayed awake with Y/N, the storm outside gradually subsiding. The fire crackled softly, casting flickering shadows on the walls. Alcina kept a watchful eye on Y/N, who sat wrapped in a blanket, still trembling slightly from the ordeal.

After around two hours, Y/N, drained and needing sleep, gently curled into Alcina's side. Alcina hesitated for a moment, then softly rested her hand on Y/N's back. Y/N flinched but didn't pull away, a small but significant step.

"Draga," Alcina murmured, her voice gentle, "would it be alright if I held you?"

Y/N hesitated, their mind a whirl of conflicting emotions. The fear and trauma were still there, but so was Alcina's unwavering patience and care. Finally, they nodded, their voice barely a whisper. "Yes."

With utmost care, Alcina took Y/N and pulled them into her lap, wrapping her arms around them securely. Her touch was firm but gentle, a protective embrace that sought to shield rather than confine. It took a while for Y/N to relax, their body stiff and tense. Alcina remained still, her warmth a steady presence against Y/N's fears.

Gradually, Y/N's breathing slowed, and the tension began to melt away. They snuggled closer into Alcina's embrace, finding comfort in the steady rhythm of her heartbeat. "It's actually not bad," Y/N mumbled, their voice muffled against Alcina's chest.

Alcina smiled softly, her heart swelling with a mix of relief and tenderness. "I'm glad," she whispered, her hand gently stroking Y/N's hair. "Rest now, sweetheart. You're safe."

As Y/N and Alcina settled into their embrace, the tranquility of the moment was interrupted by a soft knock at the door. Alcina glanced towards it, a hint of curiosity in her eyes, before rising to answer.

"Come in," she called out, her voice carrying a warmth that invited entry.

The door creaked open, revealing Daniela, Cassandra, and Bela standing in the doorway, their expressions a mix of concern and determination.

"We wanted to stay with you tonight, Mother," Daniela spoke up, her voice surprisingly gentle compared to her usual playful tone.

Y/N's heart sank at the sight of the three daughters, realizing they were intruding on what was meant to be a private moment. They began to untangle themselves from Alcina's embrace, intending to make a quick exit, but Bela's voice stopped them in their tracks.

"Where do you think you're going, little one?" Bela asked, her tone softer than usual, a hint of warmth in her gaze.

Y/N hesitated, unsure of how to respond. "I... I was just going to leave, so you could have time together," they murmured, their voice barely above a whisper.

Cassandra stepped forward, her expression earnest. "No, we want you to stay," she said firmly, her eyes meeting Y/N's with unwavering sincerity.

Y/N's heart swelled at the unexpected invitation, but they couldn't shake the feeling of being out of place. "It's really okay, I don't want to intrude," they protested, their gaze flickering between the three sisters.

Bela approached them, her movements graceful yet purposeful. "Nonsense, little one," she said gently, reaching out to take Y/N's hand. "You're not intruding. You're part of our family now."

Tears welled up in Y/N's eyes at the simple, yet profound words. They nodded, their voice catching in their throat. "Thank you," they whispered, overwhelmed by the acceptance they found in the Dimitrescu sisters.

With a soft smile, Bela led Y/N back towards the bed, where Daniela had already curled up in Alcina's lap. Cassandra and Bela made room for Y/N to join them, and soon they were surrounded by the comforting presence of the Dimitrescu family.

As they settled in, Y/N felt a sense of belonging wash over them, a feeling they hadn't experienced in a long time. Bela's arm draped around them, offering a sense of security they had longed for. When tears threatened to spill once more, Bela gently brushed them away, her touch tender and reassuring.

"It's okay, little one," Bela whispered, her voice a soothing melody in the quiet room. "You're safe here with us."

And in that moment, as the storm raged outside and the fire crackled softly, Y/N knew they had found a home, not just within the walls of Castle Dimitrescu, but within the hearts of its inhabitants. And as they nestled closer into the embrace of their newfound family, they allowed themselves to believe that maybe, just maybe, they could find healing and happiness in the warmth of their love.

#resident evil village #alcina dimitrescu #alcina dimitriscu x reader #alcina dimitrescu x gender neutral reader #alcina dimitrescu imagine #alcina x reader #lady dimitrescu x reader #lady dimitrescu x gender neutral reader #lady dimitrescu imagine #bela dimitrescu #cassandra dimitrescu #daniela dimitrescu

[nthspecialll]

When it comes to Dutch Van Der Linde and Evelyn Miller, it is natural that there are going to be parallels, such as they both excuse their suicides by not being able to fight their own nature, as Dutch was an avid follower of Evelyn, however it goes way deeper than that.

The main theme of the three Evelyn Miller books is that man is a creature of both action and thought, if he was just action he would be animal, was he just thought he would be god, however America in its attempt at bettering itself has denied itself thought and descended to the way of animals and as such is being led by a desire for desire for earthy possession to its death.

"Men are fixated on greed, on desire, and on the acquisition not of experiences or pleasures but the ability to acquire. People are fixated on wealth. Man is reduced to the desire for desire. Wanting is all that matters. Not loving, not being, not having, but wanting. We are killers for desire."

Man does not want something, the man wants to want, and while it has cut itself from thinking, it has cut itself from loving, from feeling, from being. And while Dutch seems to want to change this America and slowly descend into the wanting man, he was always the wanting man.

While the want for a better world seems to be making Dutch a better man than a person like Colm who simply desires money, it is not truly the only desire he has. Dutch shows desire from the very start from the small thing.

He has a stunning woman like Molly who has given him everything, yet he wants a young girl like Mary-Beth whom he practically raised.

He has, yet he still wants.

Throughout the game, Dutch asks for loyality, for faith, but he cannot get more for the entire camp has given it to him, they have given him their life for him to lay in the ground should he so wish. He has it, yet he wishes for more, he asks for more, and as he asks for more he gets less. It is his constant asking, pleading as if he has the right to their lives that causes them to take it from him. They realize his greed and withdraw because it isn't that they will not give more, it is that they cannot.

Dutch is the symbolism of the America that Evelyn Miller hates, the man who takes and takes, the man who does not desire for anything other than desire itself. Even with all the talk of heroism and ideolism, he is as much as a slave to desire as the America he has vowed to hate.

"For inside, he is nothing, so all that moves him, all that he understands is the external, the great churning sea of desire. It is not freedom. It is an impression of freedom for people who have not the capacity to see further. And why can they not see further? Because they have not been taught to see."

He might be aware of this desire, because he knew that like a drug he was addicted to desire and if not freed he would lose himself. He reads Evelyn Miller not for the chance of a better world but for the chance of an out. He knows he is empty, he knows he is desire and he wishes to be freed from it.

He watches as he hurts, he watches as he pushes away all those around him because desire overtakes him. While freedom from the desire he is a slave to seems better, the urge to continuing the search is stronger, continuing to desire is stronger, what morphine is to Swanson, desire is to Dutch, while Swanson found salvation, Dutch found a steep decline.

"Mutate us into thinkers who can never quite think for we have been denuded of the ability to feel?"

For in the end Dutch lost himself, his desire took away his ability to feel, his emotions, in the end Dutch's desire to desire became stronger than his desire to help his family, his people, the people he had vowed to protect. He would rather sacrifice those whos trust he had gained and had abused, yet continued to demand, than he would sacrifice his desire for desire.

"We are not fools, for fools cannot see their idiocy. We are somehow, worse than fools, for we will ourselves to do things of such profound stupidity despite knowing that we hate what we have built.-" "-we are as Adam, eating once more of the apple, only this time knowing full well of the consequences."

Dutch continues to rage on, he continues to hurt, he continues to demand faith, loyalty and life knowing that he hurts those around him, knowing what the outcome will be, however he cannot stop. He is a fool for he knows the outcome will not be good, he knows he is driving Arthur, John and Susan away, he knows that they are finally starting to see who he is, whom he has always known he is but has hidden from their sight, fearing that they will leave him. His desire for unending loyality is as based in fear as it is in desire itself. He needs them to rely on him to be able to feel achieved, to be able to justify his desire and mask it as a search for a better world.

And while Dutch may be aware of this, he has yet to admit it as Evelyn does in his final book which he died writing.

"But still my thoughts came upon me like wolves. My needs swamp me. My desires overwhelm me."

But what came of his desires in the end, at the end of his life? His desire had changed, while he still desired, he did not desire for desiring, he desired for an end, for the hurt to stop, he had seen what he had caused yet he could not admit to it openly. In the end he jumped because he could reach his desire without breaking the facade that he had build.

"I ran mostly because I am a terrible coward, but also in part because I was searching for something. In this way, I was both vain and a coward."

Is part of Evelyn's final book, he admits his cowardism and while Dutch never came to read this and would never have admitted to his own cowardism, he would have understood, however not in the way that Evelyn Miller wished to be understood because that kind of understanding required self awareness and acceptance that Dutch could never dream of achieving.

Evelyn Miller swore to finish his book before eating and as the book did not come together he knew that his end was near. While food was laying in his cabin he had the strength to starve himself to death, he had the strength to be able to stick to the promise he had made, and he knew he was dying because he wrote that he wished to be burned so he could fly with the eagles rather than rot in the ground with the worms, and as so he did.

Evelyn's death might seem foolish, because how can he continue on his desire when he is dead? But the truth is that from an academic point of view it makes sense because he pursued knowledge not for the practical use but for the beauty in it. He died searching, he died following his desires yet his death was not his final desire. He knew that by sticking to the promise that he would not eat before he had finished writing meant that he would never be able to continue searching, he would be obstructing himself from ever pursuing his desires again and because of that he freed himself from them. In his death he was free from his desires and he gained the freedom of the eagles he wrote about in his final wish.

Dutch on the other hand, his desire was death, he gave in to his direct desire and because of that he was trapped by them even in his after life, he was trapped to the mortal desires in death and as such trapped to the ground with the worms while Evelyn were free to roam the skies.

#rdr2 #rdr2 community #red dead redemption 2 #arthur morgan #rdr2 arthur #john marston #rdr john #dutch van der linde #red dead redemption community #rdr2 john #evelyn miller #red dead fandom #rdr2 dutch

[hongthoven]

"𝚂𝚞𝚛 𝙼𝚎𝚜𝚞𝚛𝚎" ✃ 𝙷𝚘𝚗𝚐𝚓𝚘𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚂𝙼𝙰𝚄

› pairing balmain prince!hongjoong x fem!reader (reader works for Balmain)

› genre SMAU / not much for now except for some light flirting - expect some smut later on and maybe angst- to be defined.

› summary you're working for Balmain as Olivier Rousteing's assistant and regularly meet Hongjoong during FW - but while you wish to keep things professional, Hongjoong seems to have other plans

› author's notes kay so I wanted to give SMAU a try and since I'm equally obsessed with Hongjoong's journey into the fashion industry AND Balmain/Olivier's background, I thought it would be fun and easy to dive into that world - also Paris FW coming next month might fuel my inspiration if this gets any notes at all.

I might throw a little bit of french language here and there just for the sake of it but will definitely keep it light so it doesn't get too 'oui oui baguette' for your liking.

› network : @newworldnet

Feel free to reblog/comment/DM & let me know if you want more ♥

"La mode passe, le style reste"

― Yves Saint-Laurent

November 15th - Paris, FR.

You almost crash in the backseat of a cab, drenched with rain as you curse yourself for your perpetual urge to leave your umbrella behind even though you have thoroughly checked your weather app the night before so you can match your outfit with Paris’ unpredictable yet so familiar gloominess.

It’s been a day – a week, actually, as you collect whatever strength you have left to share your address with the driver while thinking about the unexpected perspective of a night off to yourself. The possibilities are infinite: an early dinner and a good book? That tv series all your friends have been begging for you to watch for months now? A bath? It’s like you don’t even know how to function as a human being with a couple hours to spare after weeks of busting your ass from dusk to dawn through the most hectic time of the year.

Paris Fashion Week.

Though there isn’t such a thing as peace & quietness in the fashion industry, nothing can ever beat the hecticness and thrill of the couple days heading to a show. People running around, having three breakdowns an hour, the unexpected drama, the technical difficulties—it wouldn’t be Haute Couture if everything ran smoothly from the first draft to the catwalk, and you would be lying to yourself if you pretended not to be a little bit addicted to the chaos.

If given a chance to go back to a quiet life, you would never seize it. After years under the house of Balmain, traveling from a country to another, crying over different shades of red and filling up the fanciest rooms with the most selective A-list guests, you could never think about a normal life to settle for. Not after a week like this, not after making a chosen family out of the Balmain Army and trusting Olivier Rousteing with your own life.

The car radio is playing an old classic from Charles Aznavour as you drive past a typical boulevard filled with Hausmannian buildings, their cream-colored stone and mansard roofs always filling your heart with joy and the purest form of thankfulness. Taking a moment to be appreciative of the incredible luck you have been given, enjoying the simple thing such as the peaceful sight of a raindrop rolling over the car window, you don’t pay too much attention to your phone, buzzing repeatedly in your purse.

All over your screen, messages from your team, friends, and family, congratulating everyone for a successful show and another wonderful collection while your heart fills with another type of pride—that’s the magic of Balmain. A small team turned into a chosen family, people working day and night to turn dust into glitter.

But of all the messages popping up in front of your eyes, one surprisingly catches them.

You haven’t known Hongjoong for too long, yet, his charismatic aura is still all over you like a perfume you can’t quite get rid of – and though your encounters (two, so far) have yet to pass the fifteen minutes chat prior to a show, you both have felt the need to exchange your numbers – for professional purposes.

At least that served as the perfect excuse to keep in touch with the Korean heartthrob.

You can’t really pinpoint the moment your heartbeat switches from perfectly normal to a-second-from-a-stroke but as you stare at the conversation for a few more seconds, you cannot help the sudden twist of your lips as they curve into a genuine smile; the perspective of seeing Hongjoong again filling your chest with butterflies you don't even dare to fight against.

March 8th - Paris, FR.

Months feel like seconds as you start working on the new collection with Olivier, barely taking a few days off over Christmas to see your family; and as the weeks go by, the busier you get, definitely neglecting your social life and barely answering your friends’ texts, let alone Hongjoong’s— by the time the next Fashion Week approaches, his name suddenly pops up like a ghost, emerging from the guest-list as you try to figure out whose major celebrities to sit at the front row.

As you bend over your desk with a bunch of prestigious names and their pictures taped to a confidential notebook you always keep close to you, there he is in all his glory: Kim Hongjoong, right between Anna Wintour and Rihanna—a legend among the rulers of this industry.

So when he texts you the next morning, it feels like a demon has been summoned during the night. A demon with the most perfect face and impeccable features.

Guilt finds its way into you as you slightly step out of your professional persona to join his playful banter—and while the temptation to keep this little game going seems unbearable, you still decide to call it off and leave it as it is for the sake of your own reputation.

March 9th - Paris, FR.

“Y/N, I need a favor.”

Olivier never asks for any favor, even on his death bed—so when he reaches out to you, way past midnight as you’re both working on assembling a particularly difficult piece of leather to a crop coat, you know he has reached the point of no return.

“Sure, anything!”

“I need you to take over some of the fittings I have planned tomorrow—it kills me to admit, but I can’t be in three different places at the same time”

“And here I was thinking you were some mystical creatures with superpower! Disappointed is an understatement…” You try your best to laugh it off as soon as you sense Olivier’s obvious nervousness—if the smell of cigarette and the constant thumping of his boot over the floor weren’t the perfect signs of a mental breakdown already, his tone definitely sets the mood.

“Consider it done— just switch them to my schedule and I’ll take care of it” you smile, sincerely happy to be of any help although your own agenda feels pretty packed already.

“I love you so much” Olivier almost beams, his body suddenly more relaxed as it feels like a whole building has been lifted off his shoulders. Within minutes, your phone starts buzzing with a few notifications from your agenda—and as a couple random French celebrities’ names start pilling up in your schedule, one suddenly steals the air out of your lungs.

“Oh—I thought you’d want to take care of Hongjoong?” you dare to ask, remembering your last conversation with Olivier and how the Korean singer had quickly become a muse to him, inspiring the craziest pieces of clothes within a few months.

“I know. Breaks my heart really but—there’s just so much I can do” Olivier sighs, obviously upset “but I know he’s in good hands, right? Please make sure he feels at home with you… That man is a dream, isn’t he?”

Words don’t find their way past your throat as you quickly nod, trying your best to remain professional although you are now dreading the inevitable awkwardness of a one-on-one moment with Hongjoong and the intimacy of a fitting room.

Your cheeks turn a new shade of pink as you immediately lock your screen, too afraid to be caught in the act when nothing is truly happening. Though you have purposely ignored that one comment about his unexpected enthusiasm at the thought of seeing you, there is no point denying the fire starting at the pit of your stomach.

Around you, Olivier and half of the team is running on caffeine fumes and pining fabrics to the wall, drawing over a few sketches and making the craziest, last-minute adjustments for the show but their voices sound like white noise as your brain keeps buzzing with a sheer mix of excitement and nervousness.

And while you’re patting yourself on the back for keeping a straight face and a formal tone in your texts, you know there’s just so much you can take and soon enough, there won’t be a screen shielding you from Hongjoong’s natural charm.

#hongjoong SMAU #ateez SMAU #hongjoong x reader #ateez imagines #hongjoong imagines #ateez #newworldnet

[fluffysucker]

There's nothing like this

Bucky Barnes x Reader (AU) Boxer/Biker! Bucky Barnes x Chef! Reader Part of the Miss Americana & The heartbreak Prince. AKA Bucky and his princess ALL ONESHOTS CAN BE READ AS STAND-ALONE

Bucky looks at you and your relationship

Written in Third POV. No use of Y/N. However, the reader is referred to as a female. Likes, comments, reblogs are VERY VERY highly appreciated. Opinions really matter to me.

Been sitting on this one for a while now.Anyway hope you look it.

HEAVILY based on Hozier's song 'Two sweet'. Because look at me and tell this song isn't so Bucky and his princess.

Main Masterlist

It was absurd. It was unusual. It was odd. It was unconventional. It was everything but normal.

However, it made perfect sense for both of them.

He was focused. He was determined. He was in the ring. He held his hands up near his face, calculating his next steps carefully. If he played it right, the fight was his with the least effort.

And he did. Because right now, he was the legend. The icon. The unbeatable. He was James Barnes. He was, as many like to call him, the Winter Soldier.

The opposite man never stood a chance to begin with. He knew it. Everybody knew it. It's a sad day in any player's life when they are paired with Barnes.

His legacy was unequal. His reputation preceded him. His demeanor spoke loudly. His appearance made it clear. His strong body and physique. His toned muscles. His broad shoulders. His long hair. His cold stare.

Everything about him prompted fear to the hearts of all players who sought this game as a profession.

He was untouchable. He was unconquerable. He was the Winter Soldier. He was James Barnes.

Winning this fight in record time with a final blow from his left arm, which the opponent wouldn't recover from, wasn't what was abnormal about this.

The abnormality came from the girl in the pink dress and bright makeup who sat in the first row and cheered for Barnes like her life was dependent on it.

Finally, you were able to get to this place in your relationship where Bucky was okay with you watching him fight.

You thought you had lost your hearing when Bucky told you that you could come and watch for the first time. You were playfully nagging him about it like you usually did whenever he had fights coming up. You never expected him to give in and agree this time. It took you a couple of seconds to react. Only regaining composure when he offered to take it back. Over your dead body. You had been waiting for this long enough.

Bucky couldn't understand how or why someone would get this happy and excited to watch a boxing match. Especially someone like you. Someone so sweet and adorable.

Your excited squeals and up-and-down jumping in the kitchen of his apartment once he told you left him surprised in a pleasant way.

You really did love him so much that you wanted to risk being in such a place only to support him. Not that he would let anything happen to you. Never in a million years. But a person like you could never belong to places like these. And you were smart enough to know that.

But you didn't care. You had been asking for this for a long time. You meant every word you said. You wanted to support him, be there for him, and cheer for him. You wanted it.

You wanted to be a part of every aspect of Bucky's life. Because you loved everything about him.

And letting you come and watch him felt like a great victory and a big step forward. All your patience and understanding paid off.

And you continued. Letting Bucky decide whenever you could join. Let him have one of the guys pick you up and drop you off. Let him assign another one to stay with you.

It made you laugh inside. One of them would show up at your restaurant's door at the agreed-upon time and take you to the Stark property. Then, once you reached inside, another would be waiting for you to accompany you the whole time you were here. Most of the time, it was either Steve or Sam. Given that Bucky trusted them the most and you were closest to them,.

The whole thing felt very funny to you. You felt like a child being handed around from one to the other. But you were okay with it. You knew that was the only way for Bucky to let you come here. So you didn't mind. Whatever would put his mind at ease and would allow you to support your boyfriend. You were fine with it.

Bucky always made sure he planned it right. He made sure you arrived at the right time when you were able to watch his full fight from the start, but nothing before it. You were here only for him, and it should stay like this. He didn't like the idea of you seeing other messy, brutal fights. That was also why he made sure he brought you to fights that were easy. He knew he was winning. Fights that he came out of with barely a scratch.

Of course, you noticed this pattern of choices. But you didn't bring it. And you wouldn't. At least for now.

However, the most important thing for Bucky was making sure someone stayed with you at all times until you left. If Sam or Steve were unavailable to do this job for any reason, you weren't coming. It wasn't up to debate.

He knew the people who frequented Stark Property. They would eat you alive. Your lovability and tenderness would draw them to you like a deer in a wolf den. And they wouldn't be kind. And Bucky couldn't have this. If anyone said something to you, let alone tried to lay a hand on you, Bucky would burn the whole place down. No hesitation. No thoughts. Everybody would be in great danger.

Just like he was untouchable, you were too. And even more.

Knowing so, Sam and Steve took their assignments seriously. Because while both men loved you and cared for you, they were aware of Bucky's nature. It was no joke to him. God forbid he turn around mid-fight and see you sitting alone. They wouldn't hear the end of it. There were very few things the three men considered to be a threat to their long and strong friendship; this was one of them.

So today, after the referee announced him the winner, he turned to the crowd that was applauding him. His eyes immediately caught you. Standing in between Yelena and Sam in your puff-sleeved, heart-shaped neckline, filled with rose-flower pink dress, matching your shiny pinkish makeup. Your hair braided at the top and rest falling freely on your back. The necklace with his initials resting on the pit of your neck. You were cheering for him like he won the world's most prestigious prize.

Bucky was trying to fight his smile and not break character. You looked unbelievably cute. With your happy smile, bright eyes, and nonstop clapping, it was all for him. You did it for him.

Everybody was cheering for James Barnes or the Winter Soldier, while you were cheering for Bucky.

And he was so grateful.

Bucky left the ring, only throwing a wink at you on his way inside. While Bucky didn't show much affection towards you in here, everyone connected the dots.

You were the boxer's girl. And you held that with pride

Once Bucky was inside, some of the guys came out, making you all head out to the bar to continue the night there.

You were in the middle of a conversation with Wanda when you felt the familiar, strong arms wrap around your waist.

"Hey, princess." Bucky whispered in your ear as he pulled you close to his chest, laying soft kisses on your exposed neck.

You smiled at Wanda, who took this as her cue to give you two spaces. Because in here with the people he mostly trusted, Bucky wasn't shy about giving you all his attention and affection. In other words, it gets sickeningly sweet and loving.

"Hey, babe." You turned around to face him, wrapping your arms around his neck while his hands tightened around your waist.

"You were so great in there." You said this as you gave his lips a little peck.

"You liked it?" Bucky asked as he kept giving you small kisses.

"Yes, I wanted to shout at everyone to look at how strong my boyfriend is." You were laughing as you tried to speak between his kisses.

"I think they already know." Bucky couldn't help himself when he buried his face in your neck, kissing it softly.

"Well, they need to hear it from me." You felt the vibration of his laugh on your neck.

You moved a bit so he could look at you. You wanted to say this to his face.

"I'm so proud of you." You were looking into his eyes as you said it.

The playful smile on Bucky's face turned into something genuine. The care and love you gave after the fights touched him immensely. Nobody ever treated him like that. So gently. It was puzzling how, after watching a fight like this, you still chose to love him so sweetly.

It was an active choice you kept making. He didn't understand why, but he would never complain.

He leaned forward to capture your lips and kiss you softly yet passionately. He wanted to stay like this forever.

As the night went on, you and Bucky separated, travelling to different circles of people. But that didn't mean Bucky didn't keep his eyes off you.

Which was what led to where he was now.

Bucky was sitting in one of the booths, observing you. The back booth gave him the opportunity to see everything.

You were standing with his friends. People who were so different from you yet here you were, getting along greatly with all of them. You were talking to all of them, laughing, and sharing jokes.

Bucky couldn't help the smile on his face when he saw you struggling to give Clint an opinion about the dish he made and presented to you.

But you being you. You managed to find something nice to say about the barely edible food, making Clint's smile bigger than the sky.

You treat your mouth as if it's Heaven's gate.

The rest of you like you're the TSA.

Bucky kept watching you. He watched as you listened carefully to Peter's stories, and how you interacted and was fully invested. He watched as Pepper stole you to ask about a cake recipe for Morgan, which you happily provided.

Then he watched as you rejoined Natasha at the bar, picking up where you left off in the conversation with her.

It wasn't just the colors you wore that made you stand out. It was everything.

I wish that I could go along, babe, don't get me wrong

You know, you're bright as the morning, as soft as the rain

Pretty as a vine, as sweet as a grape

Bucky couldn't take his eyes off you. How you listened to everyone. How you treated everyone. How swiftly you got along with everyone. How compassionate and accepting you were. How sweet you were.

And you were all his.

Bucky kept looking at you as you were walking towards him.

"I brought you another one." You said this as you put the two cups on the table. His neat whisky and your raspberry martini.

Before you could sit down, Bucky pulled you to himself, ushering for you to sit on his lap. You gladly did.

His arms came around your waist, and yours around his shoulders. Your floral scent evaded his senses. It was the opposite of his. Strong scent like the woods and black coffee.

Your pink dress clashed with his all-black outfit. You felt too bright for the dark spot he was sitting in.

Everything about the two of you didn't make any sense. Not even in the slightest. You were the polar opposite.

You were nice. He was stiff. You were friendly. He was feared. You were understanding. He was strict. You were smiley. He was sullen. You were vulnerable. He was a closed book.

You were everything he wasn't. He was everything you weren't.

There was nothing like this.

And somehow, that made you perfect.

You brought lights he had never seen in his life before. You created happiness he never thought of. You led him to feelings he didn't know existed. You gave him love, which he always claimed he was unworthy of.

You changed his life. You turned his life upside down. In the best way possible.

Bucky wished there were enough words in the world to tell you how much he loved you. Bucky wished there were enough ways he could express his gratitude for you. Bucky wished there were enough time to show you how much he cherished you.

Bucky wished that one day you would ever comprehend how your sweetness saved him. How you were everything to him

"You're too sweet for me." Bucky spoke slowly as he kissed you.

#beefy bucky #beefy!bucky x reader #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x female reader #james buchanan barnes #boxer bucky #Boxer Bucky x reader #Boxer Bucky x female reader #protective!bucky #grumpy sunshine trope #grumpy vs sunshine #chef reader #bucky barnes au #james bucky barnes #bucky barnes one shot #bucky fanfic #bucky au #bucky x female reader #sam wilson #steve rogers #natasha romanoff #mcu au #taylor swift songs #hozier too sweet #miss americana & the heartbreak prince

[bo0tleg]

Maverick and Rooster aren't going to be able to immediately fall back to what they were. They care for each other deeply, and saved each others life on the mission, but this sort of shit needs time. One conversation isn't going to cut it with those two.

Look: I like the idea of them falling back into what they were before just as much as the next person, but that's.... not what realistically would happen. And that's ok! It makes sense for them not to know what to do with each other at the start.

For the record: I'm also not blaming anyone for writing fics about them immediately going back to the father-son or uncle-nephew dynamic because, because come on. It's cute as HECK! I'd just like to think about how to explore their feelings and hang-ups about each other in dept!

They're both stubborn fucks and this has been simmering for far too long for anything to be resolved instantly with a single conversation. Bradley un-learned how to talk honestly to people the day he left, and Mav's scared about what honesty can bring. They've sat on this pot for so long they no longer feel it burning their asses, and forgot what they put in the damn thing in the first place, so they stay there. On top of it. Still burning their asses.

Bradley holds onto grudges like it's a lifeline, and one mission isn't going to change that. He listened to Mav in the canyon because he rescinded what he had said with his actions. Mav said that he 'wasn't ready' but then chose Rooster as his wingman, communicating that he is ready and that he trusts him with his life. But that was a life or death situation that Rooster was both present in and could interfere in if he so chose. He saved Mav because he didn't want him to die, and they seem more inclined to deal with it back on the boat, but it's still a long road ahead.

What happened was they rekindled their care for each other, because neither had ever truly given up on it in the first place. Mav never stopped caring and knew it, Bradley did the same without knowing. This just so happens to be the first time they're forced to deal with each other since the fallout.

Just because they care about each other doesn't erase the history that's separated them for all of this time. In fact, it probably makes it worse.

Bradley thought highly of Mav, and he didn't live up to it. Mav wanted the best for Bradley, and did what he thought would be best. Their problems came from the root of care. And it's more bittersweet because of it.

Because of it, resentment and guilt have settled over their shoulders, respectively, and it refused to go away.

They talk, and they try, but it's still not great.

Mav is inclined to just sweep it all under a rug and ignore the lump it forms on the floor. Because of his guilt, he takes all of the blame and sugarcoats Bradley's part in said blame to try and make up for it. Bradley is just as fault as Mav is, but Mav doesn't want to look a gift horse in the mouth.

So instead of fixing things, they look slightly less crooked, but not entirely right. It's a 'their problem' not 'his problem'. They're both at fault, and they both need to deal with it.

Maverick refuses to give up any of the blame, and Bradley is going to refuse to take any of it.

Sure, Mav fucked up, but Bradley blew it out of proportions. Storming off and refusing to talk is a normal response, but not for fifteen years. He barely let Mav explain himself.

Everything "wrong" about himself he blames on Mav. He thinks that Mav fucked him up by breaking his trust as his father figure, so he doesn't trust anybody anymore. He thinks that him being completely emotionally stunted and sensitive to critique is Mav's fault because of the 'your not ready' comment.

Thing is, it's his own fault. It's his fault that he's been fucked up for so long because he never tried to fix what was broken. It's not Bradley's fault that Mav pulled his papers, but he threw away everything, everyone he had before because of a single (justifiable!) mistake. And he doesn't recognize it for what it is, and refuses the blame. Carting it all off to Mav instead of dealing with his own shortcomings.

Mav is aware of this (that Rooster refuses to take the blame), but agreed with Rooster in his analysis of the situation, and takes it all on himself, which is not a healthy mechanism for either of them. It pats Rooster on the head for somewhere he fucked up on, and overloads Mav with guilt that shouldn't be that intense and deep.

But they don't know this. So Mav isn't angry at Rooster, because he's blindsighted by his care.

Thing is, I want someone to be angry. I want someone to be offended on Mav's behalf because he himself won't do it. I don't know who it would be, could be a good number of people, maybe even a child OC.

For fifteen years Bradley left without looking back. He left, and Mav suffered. Someone saw that. Someone was there with him all or most of those years, sitting right beside him as his guilt grew with every holiday that went by, with every letter or call left unanswered.

The obvious option is Ice. However, I want to pull away from that option, because if Ice is dead (stay with me now) it only creates more conflict, more nuance to what's going on.

Bradley cut Mav out of his life, and it's implied that he cut out any association with him too. That includes Ice.

What if he never spoke to Ice either for those fifteen years? Ice died. Bradley went to his funeral. Bradley went to his funeral as a fellow aviator, as an underling obeying orders.

Bradley's face in that funeral was blank.

That is the face of a man watching the burial of someone he once could potentially have considered a father figure that he hadn't spoken with for fifteen years. And he's never going to be able to speak to him again.

At that funeral, I don't think he regretted it. Sad, maybe, but no regret.

The regret only hit later.

He got to mend things with Mav after the Uranium Mission and beyond, but that is no longer possible with Ice.

Bradley regretted what he did, how he neglected them for years, but he regretted it too late for one of them.

I think Brad probably ended up at Ice's grave at some point, and owned up to everything he didn't– couldn't– own up to at the funeral. And he fucking sobbed. Begged. Apologized, over and over.

This is the reason I suggested maybe a child OC, because if the child is Icemav's or just Ice's, Bradley's gonna have a warped perception of them. (Note: When I say "child" I mean that it was their child as in gender neutral for son/daughter, it doesn't necessarily mean the person in question should be an actual kid.)

Bradley's gonna see that kid as penance.

And they're gonna fucking hate him for it.

Bradley is going to look at them and see Ice, and they're gonna hate him for it. Their father is dead, and for the last fifteen years of his life he'd never been truly happy because this prick never bothered to own up to his mistakes. Not even at the funeral Bradley owned up to his shortcomings, and now all of a sudden he waltzes right back like he never left? What the fuck!

Bradley could have done this, idk like a week sooner? But he only came to his senses after Ice died. Their father died and Bradley barely looked like he cared is what they're going to think. But all of a sudden, he goes on a suicide mission and almost died and he's suddenly back? Because when his own life is in danger he changes his mind, but when Ice died he couldn't care less? What the fuck!

That man went to that funeral as a subordinate, not as the son he was.

The kid doesn't have the tinted lenses Mav has on about Bradley. All the resentment Mav doesn't feel, this kid is going to feel for him.

Bradley is going to understand their resentment because of Ice, and is going to focus on fixing that part with them, without noticing that the resentment isn't just because of Ice, it's about Mav too.

The kid is going to be pissed because they are not Ice. Bradley is going to be too worried about making it up to a dead man through his child that he's going to neglect the very much still alive man he ALSO has to make amends with.

But Ice didn't have a direct hand in pulling his papers, so Bradley understands his mistake with him (he shouldn't have cut him out over someone else's mistake). Mav, however, did have a direct hand and he's still bitter about it. And the kid sees it. They see him doing exactly that.

Bradley is focusing on the wrong thing, because he's trying to redeem himself in an impossible way, trying to answer to someone who no longer demands it.

He goes after it because the silence is a more comfortable answer than the conflict he's bound to face from someone who's still alive.

In the process, he's going to hurt Mav.

Bradley's gonna be so caught up in making it up to Ice (the one he can no longer make up to) that he doesn't think to properly make it up to Mav (the one he can still make it up to) because he thinks he has to.

Ice is gone. Ice is gone and there's nothing he can do about it. And If he'd just changed his mind earlier maybe there could have been. Admittedly, Ice still would have died, but maybe he'd have died more settled than he did. He'd have died with the knowledge that his son came back. That his son still cared. But he didn't, and Bradley hates himself for it.

So, he veers to the kid. He doesn't outright apologize other than the first time, but he's gonna treat them like either a piece of glass or a carbon copy of his father figure. Regardless, they're going to hate him for it.

It's not them he cares for, it's what he sees them as. They can see straight through his bullshit because there's no deep emotional connection there to blind them.

They could try to care and love for him for Mav's sake, but it'd be much better if it were on their own terms, that Bradley would care for them as them and not as Ice's child.

On top of that, the neglect Bradley has for Mav is humongous. And he himself doesn't see it because the resentment he feels is still there. Mav was the one who pulled his papers. He blames Mav for his own decisions.

He's alone, and he blames Mav. He doesn't let anyone in or near, and he blames Mav. But it wasn't Mav that made him shut everyone out, he did that on his own.

He hasn't thought about why Mav did what he did, choosing to believe what Mav claimed to be the reason. It's blatantly obvious that Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell of all people would never stop someone from going to the Academy because he thought they aren't capable. That's what they did to him, he's not going to do that to someone who is virtually his son.

Bradley was irrational and stuck to that irrationality for fifteen years. He used the emotional stuntedness he himself created as a guise to not actually process what happened. He refused to think about it, and still does.

He and Mav reconnected after the mission, but it's a frail margin. Bradley was more inclined to listen because he's confused that Mav cares at all. In his rage, he didn't notice that he did it out of love, and doesn't know what to do with it. The entire training, he's confused, pissed and uncertain all the while.

He still doesn't know the real reason Mav did what he did, and doesn't understand the love he still sees in his eyes. Rooster thought that he shattered everything he had with Mav when he felt, most of all cemented it with all the time spent in that state.

By the end of the movie, he knows for certain that Mav loves him, and understands that he, himself, never stopped loving Mav either, despite what he claimed.

Bradley wanted to be a pilot because of his dad. Goose wasn't a pilot. Maverick was.

The betrayal hit him harder because he wasn't running after Goose, he was looking up to Mav. He wanted to be like Mav.

And he became a pilot, even when Mav pulled his papers, even after having the person he did it all for ripped him into shreds. He still did it.

He still wanted to be like Mav. Deep down, he still saw him as a role model even through all of the repression.

But he still doesn't know why. He doesn't know why Mav did what he did, because Maverick himself refused to say why.

Mav isn't going to be doing great either. He fucked up, and he fucked up big time. He shouldn't have pulled Bradley's papers, period. I know about Carole, but still. He should have communicated with Brad about it, and they'd fight about it, but Bradley wouldn't have walked out to never return then.

To worsen matters, Maverick has a horrendous martyr complex that makes him take the brunt of Bradley's resentment instead of Carole, the actual perpetrator.

Over the years, he's blamed himself more and more every year that passed, but I don't believe he ever regretted it.

He fulfilled Carole's last wish. It didn't stop Rooster from becoming a pilot. He gave both of them what they wanted.

But he's trying to protect the Carole Bradley has in his head because he doesn't want to stain his memory of her as he did with himself. This has been discussed a hundred times over, so I will try to be brief.

Mav is scared that instead of him, Bradley's gonna resent his mother. His dying, cripple mother that said that in her death bed. His widow mother who saw her husband die in the skies and didn't want her baby boy to have the same fate. His sorrowful mother that had to watch her friend, someone she considered a little brother, keep going up into those same skies and hear all the whispers the people on the ground flung upon him because of it.

So he took it all on himself. Because he sees himself as expendable in favor of her.

So, safe to say he's not going to be the one to tell Bradley the truth. Because of it, Bradley's resentment is going to continue to fester.

After the mission, Bradley knows that Mav's not telling him everything, but he refuses to talk about it so what the hell is he going to do?

They fix things well enough for them to talk to each other, but don't make it too deep in fear of opening up more wounds instead of stitching the old ones back together.

Mav thinks this is as good as he can get. Bradley is annoyed at Mav's hesitance.

Despite mending things, Bradley is still going to think all of his problems are Mav's fault. And he's a petty bitch, so he won't let it slide.

He hasn't properly processed it due to the lack of information, and can't let go because of it.

He's going to slip in dry comments about how Mav affected his mental health and life because of what he did. He's going to be cagey about everything that happened in the in between. He's not going to know basic shit about Mavericks life because he refuses to acknowledge that he was wrong in more than one way.

And Mav's gonna fucking take it.

He's not gonna say anything, not gonna even defend himself because he thinks he deserves it.

Bradley is a stubborn fuck whose pride has been hurt once, and refuses to acknowledge that it could be hurt again. He's just like Mav when he was younger, but ten times worse in the emotional department (I have no fucking idea how he managed that, but he did).

So yeah, soon enough they're going to be balls deep in miscommunication with grudges held close to their chest.

Maverick wants to communicate but doesn't want to communicate a very important piece of information that could potentially make things better and Bradley straight up doesn't want to if he doesn't have to.

Which means they're going to come to a stand-still. And someone is gonna have to interfere.

If I were to guess, it'd either be Slider or Sarah (Kazansky). Regardless if Sarah is Ice's sister or wife (up to interpretation), she knew how important Mav was to Ice and obviously cares about him too from the few scenes we got of her. Slider also knows, and it's obvious he also genuinely cares about Mav too despite claiming otherwise.

I'd honestly vote for Slider to be the one to do it, simply because he'd also see the Ice favoritism and the Mav neglect, and would pull Bradley's ear about it to hell and back. Because he also knew Goose, and this... entire thing is not something Goose would be happy about, at all. Slider has a much more subdued connection to Bradley, so he'd have no qualms about calling him out on everything.

Especially if he ever found out that Bradley said 'My dad trusted you, I'm not going to make the same mistake.' I sorely believe Slider would end up in jail if he ever heard about that one.

If Sarah were the one to do it, she'd probably be more understanding and much less violent than Slider, but she'd be blunt. That's still someone she cares deeply for they're talking about, and she also saw all of it. She wouldn't sugar coat what needs to be said, but she'd be understanding too. Not you did nothing wrong kind of understanding, but a you had your reasons to be upset kind of understanding.

Either of them would probably do this without Maverick's consent, because that's the only way to get it done.

When Bradley finally comes to know exactly why Mav did what he did, he's gonna be in shambles. Not only for Mav, but for himself.

His entire life has been built around that single happenstance and now it's gone, he was wrong. He was so wrong. He can't go back to being the way he was, he doesn't remember how he was.

He's gonna have to start over, rebuild himself from the ground up to be someone better and spare everyone in his life the suffering. Everyone in his life has suffered the consequences of his resentment. He doesn't know if he can make up for it.

To start over, step number one is apologize.

This right here is were he finally lets his ego drop, and fully apologizes to Mav. Finally owns up to his mistakes to the person that deserves it most. He's not gonna leave Mav be, he's definitely going to demand a full explanation from him and then is going to scold him for it, but he's gonna finally fully let go of the grudge he held this entire time.

That's to say, everything isn't a sea of roses.

Maverick isn't the only person he needs to apologize to, and on top of it, Maverick is probably the only one who is going to let him down easy.

Bradley is going to be on a tight leash with everybody else for a while, and they don't have any hold ups about calling him out on his bullshit. He's going to need to learn how to take critique to improve himself rather than read it as a straight up insult that he's going to get mad about.

Maverick is going to need to learn that Bradley isn't going to up and leave, and that he shouldn't hold himself to such low standards. Not only that, he's also going to need to learn that Bradley is bound to make mistakes just like any other human.

Bradley is still gonna fuck up in some places, but he's gonna be better at recognizing it. Mav's also gonna fuck up sometimes, but he's going to get better at accepting it and moving on.

With time, Mav is going to call Bradley out on his bullshit too, and Bradley is going to do the same when Mav starts doing his 'I'm less important than other people' shit.

They're going to be sad about it because they think that the reason the other does some of the things they do is because of themselves, but that's a story for another time.

They try. That's what matters.

#by the lord this is basically a fic in and of itself #I am so sorry this is so long #if this has all been said before in like hundreds of Hangster fics and im a dumbass I apologize #I don't read Hangster #perhaps I only ever see Mav's side on this because of it #that's why I focused so hard on Bradley's here #I know this sounds a lot like rooster slander but I swear it wasn't meant to be #Rooster is incredibly emotionally constipated and there's no way in hell they'd fix everything immediately #he's held onto the grudge this long #there's no way he's letting it all go all at once #that's only going to hurt him #like when you run a marathon #you're not supposed to stop all at once. it needs to be a slow decent in speed #otherwise you're going to get fucked up by yourself. #bradley rooster bradshaw #bradley bradshaw #rooster top gun #top gun #top gun 1986 #tgm #tg86 #character analysis #icemav #pete maverick mitchell #pete mitchell #top gun maverick #iceman x maverick #tom iceman kazansky #me: says that the child OC doesn't necessarily need to be a kid #also me: proceeds to call them 'kid' one line down

[tortillamastersblog]

♕ No Matter What - Part 7 | Lena Luthor ♕

Pairing: Lena Luthor x reader

Warnings: mentions of some shooting, throwing up, blood and death

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 8

________________________________________________

I get up with shaking hands, watching Lena as she begins pacing.

“Who is he?” she snaps. “Your boyfriend?!”

I flinch and take a step back. Not only am I completely taken aback by her sudden lack of trust, I’m also fragile because of the reminder of what day it is tomorrow.

“Lena— What? No! He’s not my boyfriend,” I defend quietly, my voice wavering. I swallow to get rid of the growing lump in my throat, but it just makes it worse.

Lena whips around and stares me down with a harsh glare. “No? Then who is he and why did you try to hide it when his name popped up on your phone?”

I open my mouth to reply, but the words get stuck in my throat. What has gotten into her? She has no right to attack me like this. Not when I haven’t given her a single reason not to trust me.

Scoffing when I don’t answered, she aggressively runs a hand through her hair. “That’s what I thought. My God, I should have never listened to Sam. You’re just like everyone else. A lying, cheating—“

“He’s my brother!” I blurt out weakly, every word she just said breaking my heart. My knees are weak and it’s taking everything in me not to break down crying right now.

Lena pauses and raises an unimpressed eyebrow. “Nice try. You told me you don’t have any siblings. Honestly, I don’t know how I let this whole thing between us get this far.”

I feel my bottom lip tremble and avert my eyes to the ground. Why is she being so cruel? I clench my fists and work my jaw as Lena goes on berating me.

“And to make up a brother. . . You really are something else. You know, if it weren’t for your contract I’d fire you on the spot.”

A tear rolls down my cheek and I lift a trembling hand to wipe it away. I don’t say anything and just stare at the floor, waiting for Lena to continue.

She doesn’t go on however and when I dare to glance at her I find her watching me incredulously.

“Why are you cry—?”

“I am not making him up,” I say sternly which seems to surprise her. She opens her mouth to say something, but I cut her off again. “And I wasn’t lying when I said I don’t have any siblings because he’s dead.”

Lena’s eyes widen.

“It’s the anniversary of his death tomorrow and I was planning on leaving some flowers on his grave, hence the reminder. And I didn’t want you to see because I’m not ready to talk about what happened yet.” I grab my bag from next to the couch and sling it over my shoulder, too hurt to even acknowledge the regret on Lena’s face. “Now, I know you can’t fire me, but I can quit, so don’t worry. You’ll have my letter of resignation on your desk by tomorrow morning.“

“Y/N, that’s not what I— I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. . . Please don’t—“

I hold up a hand and shake my head with a stray tear rolling down my cheek. “No, don’t worry about it, Ms. Luthor. I should probably get going now if I am to accompany you to the office later.”

Lena looks close to tears as well now, but I don’t give her a chance to say anything else as I brush past her, leaving without turning back.

How everything could go this wrong this quickly is a mystery to me.

It makes my heart ache and part of me is screaming at me to turn back and forgive Lena for jumping to conclusions. The other part however, the one that is irreversibly hurt by what just happened, is telling me to leave, which is what I ultimately do.

Maybe Lena was right. Things shouldn’t have gone as far as they did between us. I am, after all, just her bodyguard.

A year ago– Somewhere overseas. . .

“Christ I’m sweating like a pig,” Noah grumbles, pulling at the collar of his uniform.

We’re standing outside in the blazing sun, guarding the locals as they unload the truck of supplies we brought them. It’s a day like any other and for weeks now nothing out of the ordinary has happened.

“Yeah? Well, stop fretting, you’re only making it worse,” I scold lightheartedly as I shift the gun in my arms. It is hot, yes, but Noah is being a baby about it.

Harper snickers beside me and Noah sends her a dirty look. “You two are unbelievable,” he says with an eye roll, however when he turns his attention back to the locals I see a faint smile on his lips.

Harper beams and shoves me playfully. I smile and return the gesture.

That’s when one of the locals approaches me. “We’ve finished unloading the truck. Thank you again for all your help.” He stretched out his hand and I shake it with a polite nod.

“You’re welcome. Is there anything else we can—?”

The sound of screeching breaks makes me whip my head around and my eyes widen at the sight of an old truck that has come to a stop in a cloud of dust.

Several men, armed with guns jump off the back of it and before I can call out any orders, they open fire on me and my squad.

“Get down!” I shout, pulling the local behind a stack of rice bags. “Miller, radio for help!”

Harper and Noah join me while the rest of the squad finds shelter behind our truck.

Bullets whiz past us everywhere and the panicked screams of the locals make my stomach flip.

Stay calm! I remind myself, gripping my gun until my knuckles are white. Panic will get you killed.

“Miller?” I shout again as I peak over the bags, returning some of the fire before ducking back down. “Miller, where are you? Jones? Martinez!”

There’s no answer and knowing what that means, I clench my jaw and force away the burning feeling behind my eyes.

“What do we do?” Harper shouts next to me as she reloads her gun. “We’re trapped.”

Miller was the only one in the squad with a radio because for weeks now everything’s been calm and some superiors decided the extra radios should go to the squad’s that actually fight the rebels, not the ones doing supply runs.

“There’s a radio in the truck!” I remember, but the chances of getting to it without being hit are slim to none.

I have to do something though, so I grab Noah by the collar and pull him closer so he can hear me over the gunfire. “You two, cover me!” I shout, ignoring the way his and Harper’s eyes widen in terror.

“No! You can’t—!” he begins to protests but I tighten my grip on his uniform which shuts him up.

“I can and I will! I’m your superior officer and I’m not losing anyone else today, you hear me?!”

Noah has tears in his eyes, but he nods nonetheless. I turn to Harper to find her with the same, horror filled eyes.

“Do you hear me?” I ask again, swallowing the fear that’s bubbling up in the back of my throat.

“Yes, Sergeant!” They reply in unison and I take a deep breath before counting down.

“Alright, on three. One, two, three!” I jump up, gun at the ready, and move to leap over the bags of rice.

As soon as I get to my feet though, I’m knocked back by something hitting my shoulder. I cry out in pain and fall back down, clutching at where I’ve been hit.

One of the rebels must have waited for one of us to show themselves…

“Y/N!” Harper screeches, pressing her hand down on my chest a little below my shoulder. “Fuck!”

The local who’s frozen in place, pales at the sight of my blood and throws up right in his lap and if it weren’t for our current circumstances I would have gagged at the sight.

This can’t be how it ends!

I grit my teeth and shove Harper’s hand away. “I’m fine. We have to try again. We need to get to that radio!”

I try to get a hold of my gun again but as soon as I move, a jolt of pain shoots through me and I fall back with a pained whimper.

It’s enough for Harper to press her hand against my shoulder again, pinning me down with a warning look. “You can’t do this. You’re losing to much blood. We’ll have to think of something else.”

I shake my head and fidget with the clasp of my helmet. It feels like the strap is strangling me, but I know better than to take it off.

“There’s no time, Harper! Just let me—!”

“I’ll do it.”

I turn my head to find Noah watching us with a blank stare. I’ve never seen him like this and I know whatever he’s thinking can’t be good.

“I’ll do it,” he says again and that’s when I realize what he means.

“You will do no such thing!” I say sternly as he goes to return some of the fire before ducking back down.

“But we need backup!” he argues and I watch as a bead of sweat drips from the tip of his nose.

It really is hot today, isn’t it?

“You’re not going out there, Private. That is an order!” I wince when Harper applies more pressure to my shoulder.

“I can’t just let you die!” Noah screams and he reloads his gun with newfound determination. “I’m going to get that radio and call for backup!”

I grab his arm and yank him back down just as he’s about to get up. “No, you are not! You’re staying right here. We’ll think of something else.”

Noah’s eyes meet mine and for a moment the gunfire around us is muted. He smiles apologetically and takes the hand I have on his arms into his own.

I’m sorry, he mouths and before I can stop him again he’s escaped my grasp.

“Noah!”

Present– National City. . .

After showering and getting ready for the day, I make my way back to Lena’s apartment building where I wait for her by the front desk after shoving my bike into the janitors closet.

Ann tries to strike up a conversation as soon as her eyes land on me, but when my replies come out somewhat clipped, she lets it go.

I honestly don’t know what I’m feeling right now. Earlier I was hurt and angry, but now I’m not really feeling anything.

I will do my job as professionally as I can and have my resignation letter on Lena’s desk by tomorrow morning, just like she wanted.

I am still worried about Lex coming after her, but she’s made it clear what she thinks of me and I can’t do my job if she doesn’t trust me.

When the elevator doors open and Lena steps out, her eyes dart around until they land on me. She relaxes visibly and approaches quickly with regret and worry written all over her face.

“Y/N, I’m sorry about earlier. I should have never said what I said and I don’t want you to—“

I shake my head and square my shoulders, trying my best to sound professional when I say, “Don’t apologize, Ms. Luthor. You don’t have to explain yourself to me. I’m just here to do my job.”

Lena deflates and she frowns sorrowfully. “Y/N, please. . . I didn’t mean—“

I check my watch and clear my throat, cutting her off once again. “We should get going if you don’t want to be late for your interview with Ms. Danvers.”

Lena’s bottom lip trembles and I have to dig my nails into the palm of my hand to stop myself from rushing forward to comfort her.

Her words cut unimaginably deep earlier and I can’t forgive her for it just yet. Or ever. I haven’t made my mind up about it yet because all I can think about is Noah and Harper who tried calling me again just before I got here.

“Alright then,” Lena gives in with a dejected sigh.

We go outside where Alfred is already waiting in the car. I open the rear–passenger door and wait until Lena gets in. Then I close it, ignoring the hurt in her eyes when I opt to sit in front with Alfred, rather than in the back with her like I normally do.

The interview with Kara had gone well, as far as I could tell when Lena hugged the blonde goodbye with a genuine smile. That smile, however, faded when her eyes met mine briefly and she quickly disappeared into her office again, leaving me outside with Jess who was busy at her computer.

And that’s where I’m still at right now, reading a news article on my phone while Lena’s in her office with Sam who decided to show up ten minutes ago.

Upon seeing me, she instantly knew something was wrong, but I just waved her off when I could feel Lena watching us from the doorway to her office.

She didn’t say anything but sent me a look that made it clear we were going to talk about what was going on as soon as we were alone.

“You did what?!”

Sam’s shriek makes me flinch and I can’t help but move a little closer to the closed office door. Jess isn’t at her desk because she went out to get coffee, so I don’t have to worry about getting caught eavesdropping.

“I know, I messed up pretty badly.” Lenas muffled voice sounds like she’s genuinely sorry and I know for a fact that they’re talking about what happened this morning.

“You think?” Sam retorts sarcastically. “God, Lena. . . What is wrong with you?“

“I don’t know, Sam!” Lena sounds desperate and it makes my heart ache involuntarily. “I just— I’ve been burned so many times before and Jack—“

“Y/N is not Jack though,” Sam cuts in and it’s quiet for a moment.

Then Lena mumbles what sounds like, “I know. . .” followed by a “What am I supposed to do now?”

I sigh and move away from the door again. What they’re talking about is none of my business even though they’re taking about me.

It also doesn’t help that I wouldn’t be able to answer that question myself. What could Lena possibly do to undo what she did this morning?

I honestly don’t know and before I can lend that question any more thought, my phone starts ringing.

I glance at the screen to see that it’s Harper again.

I roll my eyes with half a mind to decline the call, but then I think better of it and reluctantly answer with a strained, “What do you want, Harper?”

________________________________________________

I’m not all too happy with how this part turned out, but I’m not in the mood to rewrite it. Proofreading (like always) will be done over the course of the next couple of days.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you guys know that I love your comments and that I read every single one of them even though I don’t reply to all of them <3

Tag list: @nuianced-tck-enby @autorasexy

#x reader #lena luthor x reader #lena luthor #supergirl cw #dc universe #dcu

[ghostickle]

.

#I wish I could go back in time never had met either of them #never trusted them never given them everything #I moved in with him because he begged me too I wanted to live alone #and now I’m getting fucked over #I do everything I can for people I pour everything I can into people #give them all my time and energy do anything I can to make them happy hurting myself in the process #and when they can’t get anything more out of me when they got bored of me I get treated like this #and left to rot #with nothing #and it keeps happening #I find a person who I think will genuinely care about me and love me the way I do for them #who truly wants me around #and I trust them #and they take that trust to use me and everything just keeps repeating #why can’t I just be loved #they only love me when they’re able to use me and make me into what they want #ghost rambles #they don’t even hide that they’re only using me by the end of it. #I’m there for every thing they struggle with whenever they feel alone #I get them presents I make them food and treats I get into whatever their interests are so they can show stuff off to me #but no one’s done it for me #they don’t even look when I try to show my art #they don’t care about my music #they were never there when I was struggling #shit there’s been times he found me crying with fresh cuts blade still out and just wants to talk about how everyone hates him #just wants me to drop everything to comfort him #ignores that id been crying couldn’t care less that I relapsed #it’s always about them

[worstloki]

My issue with Thor not ‘realizing’ why Loki was acting off in Avengers 1 isn’t that Thor didn’t recognise Loki was acting unlike himself—Thor did note that—or that Thor didn’t figure out what was wrong—he did try asking—it’s more along the lines of Thor giving up, and that he accepted Loki was bad now within two days while knowing something was off when Thor himself behaved just as bad for much longer before without any specific compromising event.

#Thor was happy go kill for so long and Loki waited for Thor to get better and then Thor KNOWS something is up #and he still accepts Loki is evil now and never questions or visits Loki in prison again #he moped around about it because of duty and depression but that he had such little faith in Loki #like either his little brother really did go mad out of jealousy and rage AND is permanently like that with no resolution between them #it’s ridiculous #I like the Thor in my head who never believed Loki had actually gone mad and went after the infinity stones bc he suspected #the one that would not only trust Loki to get them off Asgard in TDW but knew Loki had the throne after and let it be that way #bc he knows his brother and wouldn’t stop believing Loki can ‘get better’ even if he’d truly gone mad #like I get that Thor in Avengers 1 would have been conflicted and could’ve taken everything at face value #Loki was DEAD and now he’s not of course Thor isn’t going to be thinking straight #it’s easy to look at Loki and assume he spent a year plotting revenge after faking his death #but Thor had time after to cool down and only gave Loki a chance in TDW when there was no other option #like did he genuinely think Loki will try to kill him #is Thor scared of Loki now or what #Thor’s spending so much time thinking of what he’s lost that he develops depression but doesn’t ever voice or support the idea that maybe #Loki was forced to do the invasion #AFTER he asks ‘who controls the would-be king’ like come on Thor just ask a follow-up question #Thor autistic king distracted by ‘YOUR father’ discourse fr #T-T #I simply don’t think Thor would have given up on Loki even if Loki stabbed him sorry #it wouldn’t even be bc he’s naive it’d be because he knows and loves his brother #and he’d keep hoping for a change of heart #he wouldn’t ditch the issue unless it was to go under the radar and that’s never explicitly implied #unfortunately #:(

[emmaspolaroid]

i’ve got headaches and bad luck, but they couldn’t touch you, no

rayvio sketchdump. i will drag you all down with me 💜🖤

#banging my fists on the table EMO KIDS EMO KIDS EMO KIDDDDDDSSSSSS #walk with me. she totally kissed him just to ~get it out of her system~ and it backfired SEVERELY now she has to deal w all these. feelings #bc he would never initiate no matter how much he likes her (which is a fucking lot trust me besties trust me) aidjunskasdjklds #they saw you from across the bar and fucking hate your vibe #they’re so punk rock to meeee oh my god do you get it DO YOU GET IT #gentle reminder that punk is inherently gnc and rayvio is bi4bi to me xoxo ily #this doodle dump was so fun i borrowed some Pinterest poses to break up my brain worms and tried new brushes on all of them hehe #also rereading the manga i think Vi has lighter eyes than what I’ve given her here but i rly like the idea of her having big brown eyes so. #I spent literally so long choosing the perfect FOB lyric (i knew immediately but had to comb through everything just in case) #Nikki draws #the promised neverland #rayvio #Rachel please see this lmao

[yuribalisms]

promise this is my last time bitching about all of this ignore it but

#really truly and genuinely just don't want to exist right now every time i think this situation cannot get worse it somehow manages to #i just cried at the dmv and the lady just glared at me like i was the scum of the earth like maam i don't even cry around people #i trust i don't *want* to be crying right now i'm *sorry* okay i just don't know what to do i got given the wrong forms and papers and i #tried explaining all of that and she just looked at me like i was an *idiot* and wouldn't help me with *anything* it was so humiliating #i can't drive the temporary car until it has plates because if i get pulled over for that it's a $500 fine and if i get hit with that on top #of everything else i literally don't know what i'll do i'll probably end up losing my license #but if i can't drive the car i can't go to work and i also can't afford to not go to work right now #i literally feel sick all the time i can't sleep the last few times i've tried to eat anything i feel like throwing it up #and i just feel... so hopeless right now everything i'm trying isn't working or i think i'm getting somewhere and i hit another wall #and one of the most upsetting parts is i feel like no one is helping me and no one cares how hard i'm struggling right now #i literally just want to be allowed to be upset over this but when i got visibly upset at home everyone accused me of taking my frustrations #out on them and being self pitying and 'it could always be worse' #like i don't even know at this point but if i hear the words 'could always be worse' one more time i'm going to maul the person who says the #no one wants me to be upset that's too much to deal with i am *never* allowed to be upset i just want to vent about how shitty this is and #scream and cry at the unfairness of it for a little bit but literally *no one* is letting me do that #'it could always be worse so stop complaining' or if i am visibly upset at all all that matters is it's inconveniencing or upsetting to the #other person.... not that i'm struggling or need help or anything like that #i just want it to be OVER i want it to end i'm so sick of this every time i feel like i'm scraping to somewhere managable in life #something like this happens and this is the scariest and most upsetting thing yet #and i'm not even allowed to be frustrated or upset or sad or angry because then someone else is upset and that matters more than me #so it all built up and a cried at the dmv and every one stared at me like i was annoying and stupid and i want to KILL MYSELF #i want to melt into the ground i want to stop existing i don't want a single person to talk to me because i hate everything right now #but i also desperately want to actually say all of this to a person and them not get mad at me for and tell me it IS unfair it DOES suck and #i didn't deserve this shitty thing that happened or all the other shitty things that happened beforehand #i would also appreciate just pretending it wasn't a thing for a few hours and doing something enjoyable to me with a friend or two... #but that also feels far fetched and then i would feel guilty for not trying to fix this 24/7 even though at this point there's literally #nothing else i could do #i'm just.... so tired and so SO upset and i feel like nobody cares that i'm upset and i'm so sick of EVERYTHING #i'm tired of living

[artekai]

Well. Now I need an excuse to put Sylens and Fross alone together and give them a common goal :/

#ramble #oc tag #oc: fross #brain saw me mention the two of them in one sentence and went insane adfgfdsdf #it's comparing and contrasting time #fross has all of the knowledge sylens could possibly want within his reach and time to study it but doesn't want it #so i'm sure sylens would consider that a waste #they both look down on everyone in the new world because of the knowledge they have access to #neither of them care how many people they have to trample on to get what they want #both of them prioritize survival over ethics (though for sylens i'm sure it's more of a means to an end) #(so he might see fross's motivation as just a basic survival instincts. or in tilda's words. even rats can cling to a vessel for escape) #fross is someone who was given everything without him even having have to ask. sylens basically has nothing and had to work for it #so when fross is finally forced to Do Stuff he's like #:tailsgetstrolled: #so i need to force sylens into a position where he HAS to show fross the ropes for some reason #it's perfect. sylens would never trust a zenith and fross would never trust the guy who made the anti-zenith weapon #but! if there's someone on earth that could earn his respect aside from kai it'd have to be him. even if it's respect born out of fear

[neon-angels-system]

I'm having a Moment, huh?

#curled up under my weighted blanket. homesick #rediscovering a realisation that never really left #I don't think those two know just how deeply I trust them #like... berry is definitely as deeply loyal. if not more so. #while I think bee has never really understood how much they mean to me #but. I just. they mean so much to me. I'm not an unconditional love type of person but they challenge that #god. I'm going to get my fucking degree and go back home and never leave them again. #I don't tend to talk about them much on here but they've been with me through literally everthing #unfortunately it was kind of a given I'd go to uni. I'm not cut out for trades or for customer service or whatever #so I had to leave. I went further away than I had to though #at the time I guess I thought I'd make connections that were just as strong down here #and that's almost true for my flatmates #but I think everything has really solidified that all I want out of life is to be near my family and berry and bee #berry's probably not going to be able to work anytime soon. and bee will take a long time to get their degree #but if I could. I would live with them. split the rent three ways. #(or more if berry and bee's partners lived with us as well) #just. fuck. I miss them. #my flatmates are amazing but they can't replace my best friends of over 8 years #I keep thinking of the song Sudafed. it's one of Kuma's songs but I like it too #because it makes me think of berry and bee #'I loved a boy enough I tried to waste away for him / and I'd kill him if ever you said' #just. yeah. I would. it's not even a question