#like hey maybe im not ill and im just a fucking failure at life and a burden and a horrible person and i deserve to die

[youaremysunshine-court]

Highkey gonna cry I looked up this uni I have to go to on Insta and literally it looks like the worst fit for me

#might actually just take another gap year even if it makes me feel like a failure #do a metal working course in the village become a blacksmith #weld shit together for a living #i got rejected from my first choice and i never bothered looking at my backup option #bc i was so so so sure id get into my first choice #... #anyway #im probably gonna drop out in a week and then just take another gap year lol #its fine everythings fine #hey coach wymack ytf dont you come barrelling into my gym threatening me and giving me a safe space to study #lets be real even if he was fucking real i dont have the talent for it #its feeling a bit like i never tried hard enough so now my life is falling down around me and i have nothing to show for it hours #like #if i had only tried harder for gcses then alevels would have been easier and if id studied at all during alevels maybe id have got into a #good university and maybe if id got into a good university i wouldnt have to go to this one where ill feel like a sore thumb #god is that even the way that phrase is used #and maybe id be happier if only id worked harder to make my life better for myself like #learned something this year and uts that apathy will literally ruin your life #doesnt matter how much i write down my ten year plan if i dont care enough to keep it up in the present its all balls anyway

[wjufissussybaka]

Tristan: -Sighs- Hey guys…..I wanted to here apologize…….I’m sorry for being Rasict and I don’t wanna ruined my account -Sighs- My whole life will get ruined and Hate me down I just a failure and some stupid idea from the Lord Christ Sorry for hating On my account and My Year is finally come in 2023 and I wanna be account anymore everyone hates me so……..I quit I quit I just Said It Four times until I died Im too depressed and sad sometimes for killing you but im a kid im 8 and I just wanted to say im sorry for Being a sexual things for Message By Luna Sorry for Being Idiot and Ridiculous and failure and some stupid N word I can’t say that thing that why I’m quit for saying Rasicm Slur and Sexual things for Luna so….maybe she right imma a Just a Kid for being Saying that whore your picture sucks and failure You lost weight and Get a job touch grass fatherless motherless all Same Everyone for Hating on this channel im mean Account ig…..-Sighs- i give up and everyone hates me and -Grabs Beer and drinks- Yeah….after that So Sorry for being a Bad things Luna And Nico I wanted to tell you say that I-I Gone alone and death and idiot I keep my Life worst and I’m at The Deavinart and Everyone hated us and Ill grab a rope and did not work and my dad is gone and hate me for no reason………………I Just need my f_CKING Commit S_cide and Kill me and depressed and sad about that I need my life…………………………………………………………………………………………………..My Whole body and my heart………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………Worst things of me and you……..Becoming a Worsted sh_t I ever life before…………….No more music no more help Stomach aches no More Luna and Nico and no more dad and mr Bambi and bandu and expunged………….and everyone………….i hope my life was first day for love…………………….you…………..I’m still………Uncomfortably Upset and sh_t and P_seed about Deleting a account and block me……Like a fucking murder and killer what tf did I do Did I do wrong???? WTF DID I DO

Tristan:

GET OUTTA OF MY HEAD GET OUTTA OF MY HEAD GET OUTTA OF MY HEAD GET OUTTA OF HEAD GET OUTTA OF MY HEAD!!!!!!

Tristan: this is why They hate us I don’t care about the situation of Heart they Broken my girlfriend Hate us then everyone you b_st_rd Everybody hates me…………… Before I did some bad……….I’m sorry For apologize -The Void appears- Ohhhhh a Void Well guys I hope you enjoy Than a worst things happened See ya soon Guys

Goodbye…….

-The Void Tries to deleted all of it- Tristan: We’ll see ya soon I hope you enjoy Goodbye everyone imma miss you -Tears are drip- -Tristan Walks in white void and leaves-

R.I.P

(WjufissussyBaka)

2022 | 2023

Tristan:…….Goodbye….. -Deletes All video- I miss you………

Exbungo: WAIT COME BACK…Oh He leaving…..I guess I should Being quit….I guess We’ll anyways Thank you so much I guess -The white void closed- Exbungo: And….there gone Goodbye Tristan Rest In Peace…….

Goodbye….tumblr…..

[yanderetrash]

I swear ill shut up about it but

It may be that im just white knighting for Kim. I completely understand and acknowledge the possibility because otherwise it would be hypocritical

But. I feel like that one post is simply unfair, purely based on information we get in canon. Now, two things. Game is mostly what *you* make of it and one single playthru may not give you sufficient information which means you will substitute stuff based on your own personal bias

First off, based on my absolutely limited and flawed understanding of the world and with the caveat that at my best i can only half pay attention, revachol is an occupied state. Previously it was a monarchy and briefly a communist state but now its basically no national government or any other state branches but rather controlled by the coalition. In text this occupation is seen as "temporary" but also as, most likely if the status quo is not (heavily) hinted to change absolutely permanent. There are foreign military forces stationed in their airspace ready to strike at any moment should they try their whole independence thing again.

So yes ok this is a state under military occupation.

The RCM answers to the coalition such as it is because unfortunately that's the boss of this country now, they have been defeated and conquered. But like, RCM literally is the "citizen's militia" (in the name), and as Kim explains it its been set in place by the citizens (yknow) to take care (hey, let's say police) their own people. The coalition is not happy with this because the RCM is a house brand, not part of their structures. Shivers tells you that there is no need for the RCM in the rich parts of (the city? Its a city state, right?) so really they are only there to help the poor. Wouldn't the rich have better protection, coalition appointed? Bro i dont know either

The RCM does pretty much anything from cleaning up the streets of garbage to performing field autopsies, and it's underfunded and understaffed, with adherence to their ranks being voluntary. Sorta like the union appointed guys only tolerated by the occupational forces

Would also like to say that maybe as an american these very strong feelings don't translate as well but im east european so brother i feel so so so much. I understand their hope and hopelessness and probably have a more mellow, affectionate view of the whole situation. Of course that's part of my personal bias the window thru which i see the whole thing but i cant help but feel im closer to the shape because of it

Now the disaster of a main character youre playing as. I have to say first and foremost that this avengers good guys vs bad guys black and white mentality is sooooo boring and seriously detrimental to everything from worldview to personal growth. Blame whatever you want to blame for it (twitter, pop media, capitalism, idk). People don't necessarily have to fit into one of these two neat boxes labeled good guy and bad guy because by god people don't. Its not a storyteller's fault that their characters are not one or the other, bro thats good writing actually.

Hes a mentally unstable drunk who carries a heavy sadness and a strong air of failure and defeat. He's an overly sensitive little man who can barely face life one day after the other medicating this sadness with alcohol and drugs in a spiral of self destruction. And he really can't let go. The case, the love of his life. It's eating him away from the inside. Like, sometimes mental illness is not cute and its not pretty.

Bit sad that if you wouldn't wanna fuck a guy or whatever then hes tossed into the bad character pile. Wonder if he was good looking how much of this shit would have been overlooked, something to think abt.

So yea, he beat the shit out of that one guy. And he wasn't fired for it. Consider this however, the issue was ongoing for years, no one could find any solution, this wreck of a man was also drunk out of his mind, the only reason he wasn't reprimanded is because tallying things up his outburst solved the case and people (not the cops i mean the people complaining abt the drunks) were happy with the result.

But two things: i dont think that him being a cop made a difference here, harry would have done the same thing had he not been a cop but in the same mental state

And two, Kim would have never ever done this. I mean, no one else did all these years. It wasn't a strategy, it was a drunk's outburst

And three, harry felt very guilty afterwards (i know this doesnt excuse anything but does say something about him, no?), so much so he drunk himself into a mini mind wiping stupor. "Those two cases weighed heavily on you"

Lets be serious here, we've all met this person. Or could imagine this person. It makes me incredibly sad. Imagine to have to wake up being that person every day, i couldnt do it

Now onto the other guy. Completely agreed that Kim would walk around with any tolerate harrys whims if he wasnt a cop. I mean, why would he? I dont think they would even interact at all. The game wouldn't have happened. Null point.

His apprehension to interact with children is completely explained in game, and its not because hes an asshole but i think it would be better to just play the game and find out.

Besides, its not just harry hes patient and understanding with, its everyone. He plays second fiddle to your whims because you would play as Kim if that wasnt the case, but he never appears as anything but compassionate and understanding. He offers a prayer to the dead man. He treats the murderer with compassion. He agrees that letting Ruby go was the right choice and is heavily impacted by the loss of life after the tribunal. Maybe the choices made in game may affect the way he reacts (and honestly ive only done two playthrus so i dont know if hes secretly a bitch if you become fascist or something)

Sure hes a tiny little guy sometimes too rational for his own good, a cynic and a skeptic. Bit of a killjoy. But he's not an irredeemable asshole, and he's not a flawless saint either. He's a funny little weirdo and of course you want to please him since he's likeable and has an opinion on what you do (then again when games give me a little guy with opinions i always want to please them so maybe im not the best person to answer this one)

I think its very easy for strong feelings to swing from one side to the other (from love to hate) but i still don't believe this game is in any shape or form an allegory for modern day america or a commentary on the police institution in the US. Maybe its a bit of cultural dissonance at play. I dont know the remedy sad as it is because im not affected by it

#long post #holy shit its so fucking long but then again its a wordy post about the wordy game #disco elysium #so i concede that swindling those two teens out of their jackets was a bit of a dick move #but man was it funny lol

[marvel-sluts]

please don't go.

request: Can I request prompts 3. Please don't go & 16. Enemies to lovers with Tom Holland? 😊 - @palna (sorry it won't let me tag you)

prompt list

pairing: Tom Holland x reader

warnings: swearing, emotional abuse, angst, fluff

summary: you worked with Tom on set and ever since the first day he hated you. one day he overhears a phone call between you and your Dad, making him feel horrible for how he treated you.

a/n: im planning on making a masterlist soon so look out for it! anyway, enjoy lovlies!

***********

you opened the door to your apartment after a hard day at work. flopping onto the sofa and turning on the TV, not really paying attention to the six o'clock news.

that bloody Holland kid thinks he has the right to make your life a living hell. from the moment you met him he hated you.

you walk into the room flashing a smile to the people in there. you had been chosen to play a part in the new spider man movie. having quite a few successful movies under your belt you were well known.

you went round shaking hands with people, each one of them greeting you with a small smile and a hello. that was until you reached a certain individual.

"hi, I'm y/n" you say holding out you hand.

he looked you up and down with a grimace and looked at your outstretched hand, taking it in his and shaking it roughly.

"Holland, Tom Holland."

the buzz of you phone wakes you from your trance and you looked down to see your best friends name flash on the screen.

you quickly answer the phone and her voice can be heard throughout the room.

"sorry to bother you like this y/n but can we go out tonight? I had a shit day at work and need someone to take my mind off of it." she said.

"you read my mind, where do you want to go?" you ask, relieved to have an excuse to leave the house.

"how about the bar down the road from your house?" she said.

"sure, let me get changed out of my clothes first."

"okay I will be at your house in half an hour." she said hanging up the phone.

you run up the stairs and put on a black skirt and a pink shirt, touching up your makeup from filming and pulling on a pair of boots.

a few minutes later b/f/n (best friends name) rings the doorbell of your apartment and you go to greet her.

you reached the bar and grabbed one of the only remaining tables.

"so, what made your day so shitty?" you asked taking a sip of your gin.

"just my dickhead of a manager. he has given me about 5 projects and is expecting them all done by next week." she sighs rolling her eyes at you.

you snort into your drink "like your gonna get all of that done in such a short amount of time." you say.

"I know right. anyway whats going on with you?" she asked, knowing something was up. "is it that Holland guy again? I swear to god I will punch his nose in if he's done anything to you." she said, knowing how much he bothers you.

"there is nothing that you can do. he just gets on my nerves. I don't know what his deal is with me." you say.

"what does he do?"

"glares at me alot, won't speak to me unless its to criticise what I'm doing and just overall makes my life miserable." you say with a sigh.

"and you dad...?" b/f/n asked.

"same as usual, he still hates me and continues to tell me how much of a failure I am." you say rolling your eyes. your dad was a dick, you and him had never gotten on.

"I know, you just have to ignore him. he just doesn't see how amazing you are." she said smiling at you.

"I guess..."

after a few hours of talking and forgetting your problems. b/f/n drove you home.

after getting undressed you collapsed on your bed, exhausted. falling asleep within seconds.

******

you woke up with a start and checked your phone. shit. you had slept through your alarm and you were going to be late for filming.

quickly pulling on clothes and fixing your hair and makeup you ran to your car and got to set only 15 minutes late.

"oh here she is, finally decided to show up did you?" came a chastising voice.

you sighed, knowing immediately who it was, choosing to ignore the comment you walked to your trailer.

the hair and makeup team quickly got to work on you, making you look amazing within minutes.

after throwing a quick thanks over your shoulder, you rushed to set and got told what scene they were filming and where to stand.

half an hour later you heard a "and cut, great job guys. go and get read for the next scene."

you quickly checked your script and realised that you were needed for the next scene, opting to go to your trailer and wait to be called.

suddenly your phone rang, making you jump. you picked it up before checking who it was, assuming it was b/f/n.

"oh you've finally decided to stop ignoring my calls have you?"

shit, it was your Dad. "hey dad, and for the record I wasn't ignoring them. I was working."

"yeah, what job again? that acting thing of yours? how many times y/n, thats not a job."

"okay" you whispered quietly, just wanting this to be over.

"your such a worthless bitch you know that? even your Mum thought that before she died. it was probably you who killed her. admit it y/n. you killed her." he said, trying to press your buttons.

"how many times Dad, the doctors said that she died of a heart attack. it wasn't me." you say.

"pfft, your just covering for yourself. how about you buy me a new house to make up for it?"

"Dad, I just bought you a new house, and a new car. surely you can't need anything bigger." you say, knowing he is just using you but feeling guilty for saying no nevertheless.

"well I want new house, maybe somewhere by the sea. or some big mansion." he said.

"but Dad i was planning on giving some of that money to charity and the rest was going to s/n (siblings name) school fund. so that they can go to a good school."

"fuck s/n, I want a new house. and if you don't then you really would be as fucking annoying as your mother. your no good for anything." he said, hanging up the phone.

a tear trickled down your face. you should have known all he wanted was a new house, new car. why not get a new fucking kid while he's at it. you bought him a new car last month and a new house the month before that, surely he doesn't need another one.

a knock was heard on the door of the trailer that you had accidentally left open. you spun around to see Tom, worry etched across his face. he walked into your trailer.

"hey y/n, are you okay?" he asked, putting a hand on your arm.

"get off of me" you say, shrugging him off. "why would you care anyway, you've had this grudge against me ever since I started here."

Tom's face fell. "I'm sorry y/n I didnt mean to treat you like that."

"then what did you mean to treat me like because it was pretty damn obvious that you hated me. everyone saw it." you said.

"it wasn't you." he said looking down shamefully.

"look if this is about what you overheard with my Dad, don't worry about it. don't tell anyone and continue treating me like shit." you say, turning away from him again.

"no y/n what I overheard made me feel really guilty for treating you how I did. what I did was wrong and it wasn't your fault for how I treated you." he said, grabbing you and forcing you to look at him.

"then why did you do that to me?" you asked, confused.

"just before we started filming me and my girlfriend had broken up, she was toxic and would hit me and scream at me." he said, tears clouding his vision. "the day we started filming was the day I ended it with her, so I wasn't in the best mood. but when you walked in I could of sworn it was her. your hair and eyes are similar but your face is completely different."

"so from a distance I looked like her?" you asked, beginning to put the peices together in your head.

"yes. you had such a kind personality, always caring about others and everyone else loved you. but I couldn't get it out of my head. I guess that's why I treated you so badly, because you looked so much like her."

"Tom you could have just said something, I would have understood." you say, looking at him.

"I know I'm sorry." he said. "how are you, what happened with your Dad?" he asked.

"he keeps asking for new stuff, I just bought him a new house but he wants another one, and he wants a new car when he has the newest model. but at the same time he's always telling me how worthless and stupid I am, and how this acting thing isn't a proper job." you say, "maybe I'm just being selfish."

"no y/n, your not being selfish. I heard what you wanted to put that money towards instead of buying him stuff that he doesn't need. a selfish person wouldn't give to charity and help with paying for s/n schooling."

"are you sure?" you asked, doubt seeping in.

"very sure." he said, "is there anything you need, I could say that you are ill or something, give you some time to think over what happened with your Dad?"

"no I'm okay." you say.

"how about you come round to mine after work, we could talk everything out."

"yeah okay, I'd like that."

******

after filming was over, you drove over to Tom's apartment. he answered the door quickly and let you in.

you sat down on his sofa and admired the little things he had "borrowed" from the sets of different movies.

"do you want a drink?" he called from the kitchen.

"can I have a f/d (favourite drink) please?" you call back.

"sure."

he came back in with your drink and a coke for him.

"look about what happened today with my Dad, I never meant for you to overhear that and I would appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone." you say, looking down at your drink.

"your secrets safe with me, and if you don't mind me saying. your Dad is a bit of a dick." he said, smiling kindly at you.

"tell me about it." you laughed. "he's been like that ever since I can remember, he's always favoured my siblings over me." you say bitterly.

"well don't tell them but I prefer you." Tom said, trying to cheer you up a bit. "and I'm glad I overheard that conversation, because it made me think about I had treated you. and I'm starting to think that there was maybe another reason I didn't like you." he said sheepishly.

"and whats that?" you ask.

"I kind of liked you. I still do. after what happened with my last relationship I was scared I guess but I don't want to fuck anything up. I really like you y/n, I never meant to treat you like I did but I was pushing you away so that I didn't fall further than I already have." he said, blushing furiously.

"well Tom, maybe I like you too. thats why it hurt so much when you were horrible to me." you say. "do you just like me because I look like her?"

"no no no, that's not it at all. I like you because you have this sort of aura around you, people love you and your so nice to people." he said. "I like you because of your personality, the fact that you look slightly like a toxic ex has nothing to do with it." he added as an afterthought.

"aura?" you asked, furrowing your eyebrows in confusion.

"yeah, people sort of want to protect the innocence you radiate. your aura makes everyone love you and it's how your smile brightens up a room and how you look when the sunlight hits your features." he said, gently placing his hand on your cheek, forcing you to look up at him.

"I'm sorry for how I treated you, and it's my fault, but maybe we can start again?" he asked.

"okay." you say smiling up at him. before pulling away from his hand and sticking out your own. "y/n y/l/n, nice to meet you." you say.

"Tom Holland, pleasure." he said shaking your hand.

you turned around as the shrill sound of your phone broke the brief silence, checking the called ID this time you saw Dad appear on the screen. you look over at Tom in fear, showing him the screen.

"answer him y/n, maybe he wants to apologise. and I'll be right here with you" Tom said, flashing you a reassuring smile.

"okay" you said picking up the phone and putting it on speaker so that Tom could hear better. motioning to him to be quiet, him nodding in response.

"hi Dad." the fear in your voice evident.

"how's the new house you were going to buy me coming along? don't forget I want a big one." he said.

"actually Dad, I've thought about it and I just bought you a new car and house. the money is going towards s/n schooling and charity. I don’t think that you need anything else." you say, smiling weakly at Tom who gave you a thumbs up. egging you on.

"I don't care what you think, I'm your parent and you should listen to me. you are such a selfish bitch I don't even know why I bothered with you." he spat down the phone. "you are just a waste of space and I don't know how you made all of this money, who would ever want to employ you?"

"Dad you're not guilt tripping me into buying anything for you like you did last time. I'm not doing it." you say, tears beginning to cloud your vision. Tom noticed this and put his hand on your leg gently. in order to calm you down.

"you're such a fucking bitch. I never want to see or hear you again." he spat, hanging up.

as soon as he had hung up the phone, tears started falling down your face. Tom reached up and wiped away some of your tears before pulling you into his chest.

"hey hey hey, it's okay calm down." he said kissing your forehead and pulling you back into his arms.

"he hates me and its all my fault." you choke out before collapsing into tears again.

"its not your fault, your Dad is just being selfish and is only using you for your money. don't listen to him." he said, stroking your hair to comfort you.

"do you want me to go and get you something? ice cream maybe?" Tom asked.

"no, please don't go. I need you." you say.

"okay, I'm right here love. don't worry I'm not going anywhere." he said.

eventually you fell asleep, with his arms around you and your head on his chest. before Tom drifted off he kissed your temple and whispered "I'm so sorry y/n, I love you."

#tom holland x reader fluff #tom holland x reader smut #tom holland x reader #tom holland x y/n #marvel #peter parker x reader smut #peter parker x reader #tom holland x oc #tom holland #tom holland x original character #the avengers x teen! reader #the avengers #avengers #mcu #peter parker #spiderman #peter parker x reader fluff

[plounce]

what if gay CATS........... were gay PERSONS

(info on this au under the cut)

theyre all shitty young adults just kind of. getting through their early 20s as best they can. or as much as they can. maybe things will get better someday, but right now they’re kind of spinning their wheels

magic exists but like eh it’s not a big thing don’t worry about it. it’s around but like whatever. not many people have it and it’s mostly just like. a curiosity or a party trick

demeter and bombularina are together, tugger and mistoffelees are together, bombularina and tugger occasionally fwb, it’s cool and aboveboard and it’s all fine

demeter:

bisexual with a preference for women. 24 years old

semi-psychic (not as powerful as tantomile or coricopat). tends to have vague and confusing prophetic dreams

dropped out of grad school for sociology due to trauma and ensuing intensified mental illness. kind of bitter about it, but tries to get through every day. general anxiety disorder even before all that

very nervous around most men she doesn’t know & trust

currently working at a barnes & noble starbucks, which sucks. she recently became the assistant manager, which turbo sucks because now she has more work for only like a buck raise, but at least she’s getting reliable shifts

her go-to therapy is cutting her hair with scissors. her hair is fried to all hell from regular bleaching

she’s learning how to crochet because she’s decided she needs to do something physically productively creative with her hands to distract herself from Stuff

bombalurina:

bisexual. 24 years old

got her bachelor’s in english two years ago and hasn’t found a job in her field and has kind of given up on it for now

she’s been bartending for like four years, does freelance editing work on the side. will occasionally write listicles for clickbait sites if she needs extra cash

literally any extra money she can save goes to tattoos. her right sleeve’s almost done

has natural red hair but dyes it cherry red

a hedonist to cope but is also just a natural hedonist. likes a good bath

i know that like the typical thing fandoms say about female characters is “doesn’t take shit” for the girlboss points but she truly does not take shit anymore. she used to take people’s shit sometimes but at this point in her life she’s tired and she has a girlfriend to be protective of. she has a couple people whose shit she will take (mostly just tugger) but besides them (and having to practice basic customer service to keep her job) she’s tired of other people’s shit! enough!

my personal take on bombalurina is a mix between the riot grrrls of the 90s and 80s punk girls, and then a dash of the greaser chicks from grease. i saw that spiked collar and my brain went OH okay i can run with this somewhere fun. same for demeter, but less so - she just has the piercings.

demelurina:

bombalurina met demeter in college at a women’s activism club, noticed her because of her dimple piercings and was like “oh someone else with a lot of metal in her face, i’ll sit next to her”

they were each other’s first off-campus roommates and were close friends. made out a couple times, but it was mostly a lot of sexual tension. there was a lot of bombalurina staring at demeter while she or demeter made out with someone else

demeter was on and off with her high school boyfriend munkustrap and bombalurina was like “oh he’s so much more stable/calm than me and she needs that, i party a bit too much for her, i shouldn’t try anything” so she just sort of. lets their almost-there peter off

(this is all bombalurina’s internal thoughts - demeter always was interested in her, but thought she was too boring for bombalurina. so neither of them thought they could pursue it)

bombalurina graduated and moved somewhere cheaper further away from campus. they kind of drift apart

munkustrap and demeter peter off and he moves away for a job (they’re still good friends, it was a very amicable breakup) and then demeter gets with macavity, which is a deeply toxic situation for her and sucks hugely and throws her whole life really off track. won’t go into further details

she finally manages to break up with him and calls bombalurina at like 2 am asking if she can pick her up, and also if she can sleep on her couch, it’s okay if that’s not okay, she just. really needs a place she feels safe, and her gut is telling her to. and of course bombalurina says yes

bombalurina also knew macavity and had also made out a couple times with him at like parties and stuff (see: staring at demeter as she makes out with people). something about transference of feelings - bombalurina was into him for a couple moments because he and demeter had a thing.

this is due to me interpreting the song “macavity” as actually about bombalurina wanting to fuck demeter and her singing as a half-repressed expression of that. i use my really good wlw brain to reach that conclusion. it’s kind of a non-competitive version of eve sedgwick’s take on the love triangle. (<-- normal thing to say)

but anyway demeter stays on bombalurina’s couch and she tries so hard to stay on track but eventually she just has to drop out. bombalurina helps her with that too. she’s just really supportive even as demeter’s life is at its lowest point. when she gets home from bartending she gets demeter to go to sleep

she just Stays with her and makes her smile and reminds her that her life isn’t over, there’s still things in her day to enjoy, to keep her trudging forward

bombalurina is roommates with tugger at this point - he also recently dropped out and demeter knows him because he’s munkustrap’s brother, so he’s Trusted and also is like “hey it’s okay that you dropped out, im here and im chilling and you like me and respect me at least a little, and you have a bachelor’s degree at least!” (more on him later)

demeter is like “oh god ive been crashing at their place for so long not paying rent, theyre gonna ask me to leave, im such a freeloader, they wont take my attempts at paying rent” but then bombalurina and tugger are like “hey! the lease is almost up! we found a pretty good 3 bedroom, do you wanna have your own room for real?” and she nearly cries because 1. the RELIEF 2. oh my god you want me around???

cut to bombalurina helping demeter put together an ikea dresser (tugger got banished to the kitchen to make crystal light lemonade for them because he’s useless with a screwdriver) and demeter has two epiphanies:

1. i thought i was ready to d*e four months ago and here i am making a dresser to put clothes into in my new apartment where i live and feel safe and loved. im still not happy but im still alive and im making a dresser

2. holy fuck im back in love with my best friend, and ten times more than i was back then.

so she like kind of freaks out because she’s already imposed so much on bombalurina, how could she impose her FEELINGS on her like this, oh no oh no oh no

meanwhile bombalurina’s back in love with her even MORE and she’s also like no... she’s already dealing with so much... i don’t want to make her uncomfortable or feel unsafe in her own home especially after her recent relationship trauma... i just want her to feel safe around me...

you might think tugger as their roommate would be like “JUST KISS” but he is in fact pretty oblivious because he is self-absorbed. mistoffelees on the other hand..

eventually they do have a big confession of feelings after demeter has a bad day and it’s very dramatic and they make out in the rain. and it’s like. well this is a movie scene. but also im cold and damp. let’s head inside our home and get warm and dry :)

and then they go inside and and talk through everything, all their feelings (not just their romantic feelings but like ALL their feelings) and their shared histories and bombalurina is like “do you think you’re... ready for a relationship right now? like that would be a good thing for you?”

and demeter considers it. she does stop and think. and then she says, “with anyone else... probably not. but it’s you. and i feel so safe around you, and we’re already so close. you make the future feel more worth it. you make more days alive feel not just tolerable, but something to look forward to. and knowing you’ve loved me all this time... it’s nice. it’s good. i’m - i’m understating it so much, it’s more than nice, it’s just - it’s a lot. i wish i had noticed back then.” “hey, hey, don’t blame yourself. i’m the one who never said anything.”

anyway. everything works out, and they start dating for real :)

tugger:

bisexual. 22 years old

dishwasher at the same bar bombalurina works at. she got him the job. he keeps bugging her to teach him bartending tricks and on slow nights she will agree to

he dropped out of their four year, but he managed to secure an associate’s in communications before he dipped

trying to be an ig influencer hotboy and hopefully get modeling jobs from that but his phone’s camera sucks shit so his account isn’t really going anywhere. but he continues to post his low resolution shirtless selfies

trying to cope with being the failure son who does not have a fancy nonprofit job with a salary and healthcare by being self-absorbed and self-aggrandizing

it works about 60% of the time and 60% of the times that it doesn’t he’s able to hide it

he dropped out right around when bombalurina graduated and he was like HEY! ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A ROOMMATE WHO DOESN’T CARE IF WE LIVE TEN MILES AWAY FROM CAMPUS? WELL HAVE I GOT A SOLUTION FOR YOU: ME!

to which bombalurina (who has fooled around with him here and there and thinks he is funny little man and genuinely goodhearted, and also he has rockin abs as a plus) says munkustrap already asked me if i need a roommate and if i do to consider you, because you don’t want to move back home. in other words: yes, you little idiot

they do fool around with each other but they are both very understanding that it is strictly platonic and for fun, especially once they become roommates. they both do not desire each other for anything serious

he did have a bit of a crush on each other when they met (hot punk older girl who’s friends with his brother) but 1. it dissipated pretty quick after they fooled around for the first time because it was not a very serious crush 2. she was in the middle of being in love with demeter so she was focused on that, emotionally

he got his ears pierced a couple times in high school but bombalurina inspired him to get a couple more. she went with him when he got his nose pierced

demeter has always understood that him and bombalurina are strictly fwb, has never been an issue.

she and him like to bleach their hair together when their hair schedules line up (he bleaches his way less often then she does), but she refuses to use his fancy conditioner that keeps his hair unfried because it’s expensive, even though he tells her to go ahead and use it, please, the health of her hair is giving HIM anxiety, demeter please. please demeter

mistoffelees:

gay. 20 years old

has magic. it’s pretty good magic but again: magic is not a big deal in this concept

a bit spooky. skulks around. a bit of a bitch but also very very nice. chooses when to speak

he has postings on craigslist and fiverr about finding lost objects and people with magic. like a gig economy private detective

side job is a waiter at a fancy restaurant

sometimes he gets paid VERY well from the private detecting, depending on the client. he does ask his psychic friends (tantomile & coricopat) to give a quick glance over on some of the more suspicious clients just to make sure he isn’t finding someone who should not be found by that person.

doesn’t go to college. is roommates with his sister victoria, who’s a freshman and studying dance. moved into town with her so she wouldn’t have to live in the dorms by having a guaranteed roommate.

tuggoffelees:

the general vibe i want for these two is mistoffelees walking around town or driving around in his shitty toyota camry while tugger tags along because he’s bored and thinks this is cool as shit

the general tone of the au is “magic isn’t a big deal” except for tugger, who thinks mistoffelees’ magic and his magic freelancing is the coolest shit ever. this is mostly because he just likes mistoffelees. “there are people who can do cooler shit than me, tug” “yeah but i don’t KNOW them also theyre not as COOL as you” “you had to explain to me how instagram reels work”

idk how they met i just think tugger shows up at his and bombalurina’s apartment one day (this is when demeter has moved in but they havent moved to the 3br yet) with this dude to dash in and pick something up and bombalurina is like “uh. who’s this” “oh this is mistoffelees he’s SO GOOD AT MAGIC” [mistoffelees nods hello] “okay bye bombalurina see you at work!!!” “uh. later”

after that he just shows up a lot. sort of ambiguous if theyre dating or what for a while before bombalurina straight up asks like “hey does the dude you’re dating know we fool around” “the dude im - what?” “... the little magic guy who keeps using our hot cocoa mix. misty.” “oh. uh. we aren’t dating.” “... do you want to? because you’re kind of all over him constantly” “um. well! haha, if i wanted to, i could! haha!” “yeah get back to me on that”

tugger trying to use his ig clout to get mistoffelees more work even though 1. he has no clout 2. mistoffelees has a very stable client base. but mistoffelees appreciates the effort. the self-promo guy promoing someone other than himself... the highest expression of love...

mistoffelees is A Nonthreatening Man plus he’s pretty obviously gay so demeter is chill around him pretty quickly. when mistoffelees is over they’ll sit on the couch where demeter sleeps and watch documentaries quietly while she crochets

they both occasionally say spooky shit at the same time because magic stuff. bombalurina and tugger are both torn between “that was cool as fuck” and “god that’s unnerving”

just a lot of tugger following mistoffelees around on his jobs and mistoffelees letting him because he’s fond of him and them occasionally getting into minor peril and interesting shenanigans, but it is 90% fetch quests

i think the first time they met tugger was taking selfies in front of a hydrangea in a public park and he saw mistoffelees walk up with a shovel and start digging in one of the flower beds and he thought he was hot so he went over and offered to take over on the shoveling to look strong and masculine and he ended up digging up a skull, which mistoffelees picked up and said “thanks” and then walked away

mildly terrifying but also very interesting and tugger’s days are kind of boring and dishwashing kind of sucks as a job to do like every night and he is a person who thrives on novelty so. moth to a porchlight

i think they do start making out for fun here and there and then a while later theyre out on one of mistoffelees’ jobs and someone asks “who’s the guy with you” and mistoffelees replies “oh that’s my boyfriend, don’t worry about him” and then it’s like. “HUH? I’M YOUR BOYFRIEND?” “uh. yeah? i assumed. is that okay?” “i mean yeah of course i think you’re great! how long have we–” “oh like a while.” “oh. uh. cool!!”

they just hang out a lot. mistoffelees enjoys teasing him and enjoys his warmth and bombasticity and tugger likes watching and helping him solve little mysteries around the county because it’s always something new. they’re kind of a comedy duo. they just enjoy spending their time together and following mistoffelee’s internal magic gps to find lost dogs and lost necklaces

yeah right now this au is just vibes and just sort of. continuing forward with your days and your weeks and your months. just young adults hanging out

#cats the musical #mr mistoffelees #rum tum tugger #demeter cats #bombalurina #tuggoffelees #demelurina #chirps #bird in the hand

[wienerbarnes]

Play Dead Until You’re Dead

Pairing: Bucky x Reader (Cheek to Cheek)

Word Count: 3,149

Warnings: Lowkey angst ngl but nothing too bad

A/N: YAY im so excited for this part bc I've had this in my head for a while now and it gonna change so much for the story but I'm so excited for one shots in the future! also this is kinda not edited ill go through it again tomorrow :) enjoy!

MAIN MASTERLIST | CHEEK TO CHEEK MASTERLIST

A slow knock interrupts your plant watering and you glance at the time. Bucky said he’d be by in the afternoon, not the morning. You place your cup of water down and walk over to the door and open it cautiously before your eyes widen and a gasp escapes you as you see who awaits you on the other side.

Sam Wilson, dressed in civilian clothing, shoots you a smirk, “Why don’t we go for a drive?”

You don’t have time to answer. You don’t have time to think. Your blood is cold, your hands are cold, and your feet are cold as they slip into the sandals you keep by the door. You silently - and anxiously - step out into the hallway and shut the door behind you, never taking your eyes off of Sam.

“After you.” he gestures with a smile. You walk.

…

Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes have a lot of unspoken conversations. Although the rocky start they got off too all those years ago, they’ve grown incredibly close and trust each other like no one else.

So when Bucky calls him late at night, sounding confused, nervous, and unsure, Sam notices. Especially when Bucky then suddenly forgets why he called and what he needed to talk to him about.

Sam’s first thought was that he was drugged. Bucky was given something that clouded his mind. But when Sam saw him the next day, he seemed perfectly fine. So, he proceeded to his second thought.

Bucky was keeping a secret from him.

When Sam was passed the shield, there was one thing each of them asked of each other. Bucky asked to not be a part of the Avengers full time. Sam asked for no secrets and no lying (which he later asked the same from Sharon).

And since then, Bucky has been solely tasked with training new recruits for their seven week training which occurs twice a year, as well as to help on especially difficult cases called to them by the government. And in return, Bucky has not told a single lie to him or kept a single secret. Until now.

So Sam begins to get unimaginably curious. Bucky hasn’t picked up any new hobbies, and after a quick and encrypted check up, none of his extended family have passed away or had anything big happen to them, either. The last thing that Sam can think of to have caused such an odd change in Bucky is a girlfriend. But, if it is a girlfriend, why wouldn’t he tell Sam? Unless, it was someone he knew Sam wouldn’t like.

And that’s when he knew he had to figure out who it was.

So he waited. Until the perfect clue presented itself.

“No, I can’t tonight, man.”

“Why not? I know it’s Friday night, but, what, you got a hot date, or something?”

“Something like that - look, I just have plans I can’t cancel tonight. How about next Friday we go out?”

That was all Sam needed. The plans he couldn’t cancel. So, he waited until later that night and went over to Bucky’s apartment. He’d figure a harmless cock-blocking will teach him not to keep secrets from him anymore.

Until when he put his car into park and gathered his belongings to put them in his pockets, he noticed someone exiting the front of the apartment building; specifically a head of fiery red hair.

Imagine his surprise when he recognizes the face as you.

It doesn’t take long for Sam to figure out where you were. Everyone had already assumed you to be dead, or at least be far away from the country. But now that he knew you were still in New York, a few hours digging into your past and your file led him to a few key locations. From being so separated from society for so long, chances were that you’d find a place you were familiar with, if not the same place, the same area.

Kathleen Grover’s apartment is the first place he checks, but it’s since been turned into higher end condos, a place you probably wouldn’t be able to get away with staying at considering that you probably don’t have an ID or any money. So he checks for the absolute cheapest and low-lying apartments in the neighborhood. Which gives him two results. He just so happened to be lucky on the first one he chose to look into.

Which leads to now, the two of you riding in complete silence, on the way to the Tower, unbeknownst to you.

The only thing that’s going through your mind is Bucky. You hate the idea that he sold you out, because not only would it hurt your feelings, but it would mean those annoying voices in your head would’ve been right.

Yeah, time to put your big girl pants back on. What, you thought you’d live a normal life at some point? Buy a big house? Go out to fancy, populated restaurants? Maybe DisneyWorld? Get a grip! You were always a mistake and a failure. And you’re going right back where you belong, in that box! And Bucky will be right there in that observation room when they stick the needle in your arm and end you for good.

You swallow down the bile that comes up at the thought of going back to prison.

It was fun while it lasted. Decorating the apartment. The tattoos. The new recipes. The movie nights with Bucky. The sleepovers with Bucky. The list with Bucky. The long road trips with Bucky. The music playlists with Bucky. Bucky.

You’ll miss Bucky the most in prison. You’ll think about him everyday. You won’t be able to write him and he won’t be able to write you, not that he’d want to given the fact that he ratted you out, but there was no paper or writing utensils allowed, especially for you.

You’ll dream about his singing when he’d clean, his hugs after waking up, still warm from the sheets, and the unbelievable comfort his eyes provided.

...

“Hey, Sam, how are you?” Bucky absentmindedly answers as he finishes up watering the plants in his living room.

“Hey, man. You busy? Mind meeting me at the tower?” Bucky can hear his car in the background.

“Uh, yea, sure I can. New case?” He asks, setting down his watering kettle and walking towards his room to put on a fresh pair of socks and sneakers. If it’s a new case, there’s no point in getting all done up to listen to Sam debrief him.

“Something like that. Just get here, yea?”

That’s odd.

Normally when Sam calls Bucky about a case, he gives him at least some of the details. That was a part of their plan, their deal. Bucky only joins on missions on special occasions and with specific circumstances. So why wouldn’t Sam give the tiniest hint of what’s going on?

Unless it’s something Bucky’s involved in.

Is Zemo dead? Has he escaped? Some other big Hydra villain that’s come to light?

Bucky’s mouth goes dry like cotton at the thought of something involving you. Did someone recognize you and turn you in? Did Sam find you? No, no, he couldn’t have. The both of you had been so unbelievably careful, there was no way anyone found you.

Bucky lets out a shaky sigh before grabbing his keys and his wallet and heading out.

…

That phone call hurt. Hearing Bucky’s voice, for what will probably be the last time in a long, long time. Even if he betrayed you, even if he turned you in, even if he used you, backstabbed you, whatever. That fifteen second phone call caused an excruciating pain in your heart and it was so hard to hold back tears.

You didn’t want to cry. Captain America and Bucky Barnes had humiliated you enough for you to be crying on the way to the Avengers Tower. They don’t deserve your tears, and you don’t even deserve to be shedding them. This is exactly what you had coming to you.

Although the car ride felt like it lasted hours, the two of you arrived at the Avengers tower sooner than you would have liked.

Sam drove the car up though a back entrance, the back of the building opening up like recognizing Sam’s car. The ride in the elevator was quiet as Sam flashes a crystal-looking card and presses one of the thirty-seven buttons of the building.

He hadn’t put you in handcuffs and it seems he’s chosen a rather secretive way of transporting you here. Granted, you know you wouldn’t win a fight against Sam Wilson, even if you had Marine and HYDRA training under your belt, but, who knows what if you had a knife? Or were secretly an incredibly skilled fighter? What if your powers allowed you to, like, melt people’s brains and he had no idea? That’d probably be your best bet anyway, considering you're in custody at the Avengers Tower in sandals and no bra under your shirt.

The two of you exit out into an empty hallway, quiet, too, you notice. As the two of you approach the end of the hallway, swaying towards the door on the left wall, an interrogation room you deduct from peeking into the small window, a voice stops you.

“Hey, Sam? F.R.I.D.A.Y. told me you’d be here, what’s-”

His voice catches in his throat seeing you and Sam turn around to face him. He feels his eyes widen, his skin pale, his hands become clammy. This can’t be happening. This can not be happening. He walks closer and his steps slow as he’s standing in front of you. He’s literally speechless and as much as he wants to talk, to scream, to question what’s going on, he doesn’t.

His mouth hangs open even though no words come out, and you spit in his face before he gets the chance. He flinches and Sam pushes you into the room before you can react any further.

Bucky wipes your saliva from his cheek and he wants to cry. He wants to choke. He wants to throw a fucking tantrum in the middle of the hallway because he has absolutely no idea what’s going on. He feels a panic attack coming on and uses all of this strength to push it down as Sam exits the room. Relax. Figure out what’s going on so you can fix it; so you can get her the fuck out of here.

“You are going to tell me everything. And I mean everything. Absolutely no one knows that she’s here, or that she’s even alive. Sharon will remain unaware until you give me an explanation.” Sam tells him, his Captain voice taking over, and Bucky silently nods because he’s scared.

This is all so fucked up. And he hopes the truth he’s about to tell Sam will help you more than hurt you.

…

It’s funny how being in a familiar place affects your mind and body, regardless of how long it’s been. In the time that you’ve been in this interrogation room, your nerves have been completely on edge in a way that they haven’t been since being in prison, the voices have returned in your head, chatty as ever, and you haven’t been so angry since you killed that guard all those years ago in that first prison.

You pick and pull at your cuticles until they bleed and chew at the inside of your cheek until you taste metal.

Think they’ll let you decorate your cell this time? Or do you think they’ll just strap you straight into the medical chair and tie your arm up? No need to waste food, water, and a cot on you. Maybe they’ll bring back the electric chair or the firing squad just for this special occasion! Maybe they’ll have Bucky pull the lever-

“Shut up.” You mumble audibly, already feeling a headache coming on.

Spitting at Bucky felt good and bad at the same time. Good, because he deserves it, and more, after doing this to you; giving you the best and freest two and a half years of your life before snatching it all away from you in a second. Did he do it for fun? Did he like the game, the teasing of befriending you, taking care of you, all because he knew he’d do this and have the last laugh in the end?

It felt bad because as much as this sucks, you can’t find it in you hate Bucky. He’s become your best friend, your only friend, someone you actually trust in this new life you’ve been living. You want to forgive him, hug him, tell him it’s okay, that you’re not mad, that you could never be mad at him. Because you couldn’t. And that might actually be the worst part to all of this.

A click interrupts your thoughts and you stare at the Captain as he pulls out the seat across from you and sits down at the small table. How you wish there was a clock in here; how long had you been waiting for him here?

“What are you feelin’ right now?”

“Sorta like how your little wingman Riley felt when he fell out of the fucking sky.” You snap.

Sam doesn’t react. He remembers the way you’d act during the investigation years ago when they would question you in prison; he’d see the way you snap at them, at the guards, at the other inmates, how you’d really dig deep into people feelings and thoughts to say the worst thing to them in order to bring up bad memories. So, he was kind of already expecting that.

You’re upset, that he can tell from your attitude, your chipped and chewed fingernails, and you slouched sitting position, arms crossed across your chest as you lean against the back of the chair. He doesn’t blame you though, he’d probably be pretty upset, too.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y., stop all audio and video recording from this room from today and erase it completely from every system, please.”

“Clearance level 1 or 2 necessary for that, Captain.”

“Clearance level 2; Wilson, Samuel T.”

“Thank you, Captain. All recordings have been erased and stopped.”

Huh?

“I have a proposition for you.” Sam begins. Your confusion clouds your mind and you don’t process his statement fast enough to respond before he continues.

“I will announce to the press that your body has been found along the coast of the Pacific after following a lead on your whereabouts, I will clarify that you have been found dead and that you drowned, closing the case looking for you. I will provide you with a new identity; that includes a false birth certificate, passport, and other forms of identification with a new name, new birth date, new everything.”

“Is this a fucking joke?” He ignores you.

“There will be a few rules you will have to follow in return. You will have to stay completely hidden out of the populated public for one full year after this announcement is made. You will have to change your appearance; cut your hair, dye it, whatever. You will stay here at the tower where you will be monitored.”

He pauses, like he knows this will be the part you hate most.

“And you will be required to use your abilities to help on future cases the Avengers are tasked with; the same way you did when we came to you with those two cases in the past.”

You’re silent for a moment, “And if I say no?” Your voice is small. You really don’t want to do this. You want to go back to your apartment, you want your clothes, your plants, your blankets, your mugs.

“Then you will be arrested and sent back to prison, in the same exact place on death row you were before.” Your eyes shut, the headache hitting fully.

“Why.” You demand.

“I talked to Bucky,” A roll of your eyes. “He didn’t rat you out, if that’s what you're thinking. I found you all by myself. And I made Bucky tell me absolutely everything. And from there I’m making the decision myself to offer this to you. It’s not my first time helping a globally wanted criminal. Or my second. Or my third. And it honestly probably won’t be my last at this point.”

Do you believe him? Does it even matter if he’s telling the truth or not? You clearly don’t have a choice here.

He knows this. And depending on how deep he spoke with Bucky, he knows you won’t go back to prison.

“I’ll show you to your quarters. You’ll have your own bathroom and kitchen. Tomorrow morning you will be briefed with your new identity by myself, Bucky, Agent Carter, and Director Fury. F.R.I.D.A.Y will help you with that in the morning.”

The walk was just as miserable as it was when you arrived. You wonder where Bucky is. Does he have a room here? Is he back home in his apartment? Is he coming back? Is he thinking about you? Is he mad that you spit on him?

I mean, probably a little bit. I would be at least.

You take a moment to look around your new room; your new living quarters for pretty much forever. There’s so much stuff; a large bed covered with folded blankets and soft pillows, a folded pair of clothes, a rug beneath your feet that sits under a desk and a large bookshelf, filled with books of differing genres and notebooks, the desk is bare except for a small lamp and a cup of pens and pencil. The kitchenette is to your left and seems to be pretty modern, you can’t imagine it’s missing anything you’d need. The closed door against the wall you assume is your promised bathroom, but you don’t feel like settling in.

It’s strange, living almost all your life with nothing; as a child being poor with your family, having less than that in the Marines, and having nothing in Hydra. When you had your apartment, you had nothing, you cleaned the apartment building to make money to pay your cheap rent, you’d steal your clothes, food, and decorations, everything that Bucky didn’t buy you, anyway.

And now, you’re standing in a room that has everything you’d need, no need to pay rent, supplies and resources at your request; all that’s needed in return is the use of your powers.

But you hate it. All of it.

The colors are dull. The decor is boring. There’s no light. Nothing happy. No colorful blankets, no wacky mugs, no cute earrings, no mismatched socks and labeled underwear with the days of the week. No Bucky.

No Bucky.

#Bucky barnes #Bucky Barnes fanfiction #Bucky Barnes.x reader #marvel #marvel fanfiction #Bucky Barnes series

[saltedstorm]

* COURTNEY EATON, CIS FEMALE + SHE/HER  | you know MEREDITH AUSTEN, right? they’re TWENTY-FOUR, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, THEIR WHOLE LIFE? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to DREAMS BY THE CRANBERRIES like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole KETCHUP COVERED FRIES, MASON JARS FILLED WITH PAINT WATER SCATTERED AROUND THE ROOM, AND HANDMADE WIND CHIMES thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is JUNE 10TH, so they’re a GEMINI, which is unsurprising, all things considered. 

tw - organ donation & chronic illness

hey pals!! my name is bee ( 22, she/her ) and im excited to introduce my babe meredith.  please don’t hesitate to hmu for plotting, you’re totally welcome to message me here or on discord! ( god of destruction#5393 )  

okay here is mere!  i’ve only played her once before so i hope to develop her further here in irving!  tldr; grew up in irving, donated a kidney to her sister as a teen, now dedicates herself to doing what she wants and living life to the fullest, artist, waitress, loves the sea

p a s t

meredith grew up in irving with her mother, father, & older sister in a modest house on orion avenue. as a kid she felt trapped in the small seaside tourist town, but it’s grown on her.  now she could never imagine leaving.

from a young age she was always on the beach, running through the sunshine, surfing, snorkeling, & sailing.  

she always did fairly well in school, but she was always much more interested in the social aspect. 

when meredith was a teen, her older sister went into kidney failure after a long battle with chronic kidney disease throughout childhood.  she regularly spent time in the hospital as her sister received treatments.

at fourteen, mere was tested and found to be a positive match for her sister, and volunteered to donate her kidney to get her sister off dialysis.  they were able to get court approval for the surgery, and thus she became one kidney lighter.

having a single kidney may cause some people to live extra cautiously, but meredith and her sister had learned at a very young age how quickly all of life’s pleasures can be ripped away from you without warning so they made a vow to always live on their own terms and never deny themselves excitement or fun.  

when she graduated she had the option to go away for school, but she decided to stay.  she went to a local community college where she got a degree in studio art and hung around the only home she’d ever known.  

p r e s e n t

mere currently works at the scuba as a waitress and occasional bartender when they’re short staffed.  it’s not a dream job but she doesn’t mind it.  she makes good tips and she doesn’t take any shit from her coworkers or customers.  

occasionally she does work around town, she’s painted a few murals for local businesses & the community.  painting is her favorite medium, so it’s usually what you can find her doing if she’s not in the water.  

she’s often hanging outdoors whether rollerskating through a farmers market, swimming in the ocean, or sunbathing on her roof.  lately she’s also been practicing making cocktails.

currently lives in delphinus heights with rowan

despite being the youngest sibling, meredith definitely has big sister energy.  at a young age, she was placed in a sort of caretaker role when it came to her sister.  though she may not always initially come off this way, at her core mere likes to take care of people.  you need a place to crash for a few days? someone to drive you home bc you got too drunk? got in a fight? arrested? she’s got you.  she might just ring you out for it too.  it’s all out of love.

p e r s o n a l i t y

direct - meredith tends to speak her mind.  she is strong in her opinions, and isn’t usually afraid to share them.  she’s outspoken & proud.  this can get her into trouble, both with friends and authority.

playful - despite this, she tries not to take her self too seriously.  she likes to have fun.  she’s not a hardcore party girl, she’s much more into a laid back vibe.  watching the stars from her rooftop, bonfire on the beach, sneaking into somewhere she doesn’t belong.

loyal - mere loves her friends, and she would do anything for them.  a talk shit get hit kinda girl.  see the following.

stubborn - meredith likes her life, and she isn’t a big fan of change.  she’s afraid of losing what she loves, and can get very defensive when things threaten her routine.

p l a y l i s t

island in the sun // wheezer

dreams // the cranberries

to whom it may concern // sam spiegel

can you discover ? // discovery

three little birds // bob marley & the wailers

carolina // harry styles

kokomo // the beach boys

kiss me // sixpence none the richer

cool for the summer // demi lovato

margaritaville // jimmy buffet

upside down // jack johnson

p e o p l e

friends - her ride or die besties, new acquaintances, locals she went to school with, fellow artists, coworkers from scuba, regulars she serves all the time, people she parties with, etc!  we can discuss & brainstorm

roommate(s) - i imagine mere living in an apartment or a house with one or a few friends.  expect lots of plants, thrifted furniture, paint splatters, and mismatched dishes.

exes - mere has lived in irving her whole life so she’s bound to have some previous relationships & flings so gimme them all.  she’s also pansexual, so these relationships could be with anyone. maybe someone she was with for a really long time and everyone thought they’d be together forever but they broke up.  could still be amicable, could still have feelings, or could hate each other now.

enemies - meredith can be quite blunt at times so it’s probably made her a few enemies.  could be someone she just doesn’t get along with, someone that she’s pissed off, someone that fucked with one of her friends, etc.

romantic - any and all current romantic relationships too pls! maybe someone she hooks up with on occasion, someone who keeps trying to ask her out but she won’t bite, someone she’s had feelings for for awhile, etc.  again, we can brainstorm if you’re interested!

family - i’d love for her to have some family in the bay whether it’s siblings & cousins, or whatever.  i know her ethnicity can be hard to match so adopted or step siblings are welcome!  

& more!

#irvingintro #☼ ˙ ˖ ✧ —𝐢𝐧 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐲 // about .

[lordseochangbin]

Crime n Mystery- Lee Felix

description: [3k words] felix FBI agent au w/ a possible plot 

warnings: curses, slight masturbation (?) no idea what it is lmfaooo

a/n: ive always wanted to write a murder mystery so this is to get it started! if it does well ill think about continuing it because im not sure if anyone enjoys criminal mind things as much as i do

This guy was going on a date with no cologne on? Disgusting. You had a knack of judgment, already being able to predict the outcome of this guy’s dinner after driving so many lovebirds to their dates. A typical Saturday night called for taxi driver business and you loved the amount of money that came through but in the end, you couldn’t help but wonder when you would be driving yourself to a date.

You carried a decent amount of knowledge after three years, your best bet was when you told one of your customers she was about to be broken up with, only to see her back in your car asking for a ride a few minutes after arriving. You could tell where these people were going, what their plans were just from their location and attire. A decent amount of knowledge. 

Sometimes there were “those” type of people. Failures of being a woman in the driver’s seat (which shouldn’t be a problem smh). “Those” people who ask to sit in the front seat to play the radio only to try to get their hands in your pants. “Those” people who try to sit right behind you and try to whisper things in your ear. “Those” people who- you get the idea. But with no excuse, you carried pepper spray around your neck all the time for when it was necessary. 

The woman that had just stepped in your taxi, you couldn’t seem to get a grip on. She wore a poker face, hands crossed as she scrolled through what seemed to be “Tinder”. Maybe it was a Tinder date. After arriving at the restaurant you watched as she left your car, her ass sticking out in her bodycon dress along with the sound of her high heels clicking. 

“Hey wait, aren’t you going to pay?” You groan before turning around to see the exact amount in cash on the seat. You peeked inside the restaurant to see a full crowd, someone in there is going to need a ride for sure, so you turn on your taxi light and wait for the next customer to arrive. 

----

Rolling up the sleeves to his white button-up, Felix makes his way through the crowded restaurant. He was lucky enough to have found his first suspect on a tinder website and couldn’t believe how vulnerable she was for having accepted his request to meet. Little did she know his identity. 

His co-worker Angel claimed it was the profile picture that must’ve swooned her, the forced smile and nose scrunch hiding his secret demeanor. Felix was handsome, his hair combed back and his cheeks covered with light brown freckles. It was easy for him to pass as a college student or gas station employee- a bit of makeup was all he needed. Thus holds today, meeting a suspect who expects a perfect tinder date, only to be disappointed. 

Finding the small table in the corner, Felix casually grabs the seat, looking into the girl’s eyes before asking “Is this seat taken?” 

A slight smirk meets her face before she replies, “If your name is Alex then yes” 

“Alex?” Felix replies, sitting down across from her, “Lucky guy” 

From the way she smiled at his response to her soft pink cheeks, Felix could already tell she was lured into the game. He was annoyed yet relieved, his good looks always gave him entry, along with his deep voice. He could practically read women like a book. 

Her bright red hair seems fake, even in the pictures and the amount of makeup is quite visible, she’s trying hard to hide her identity as well.

“Hm, care for a drink Alex?” 

Felix pouted his lips, free drinks from his number one suspect? A big win. But his boss checking his BAC? Not really. 

Playing with the edge of the plastic menu in front of him Felix refuses, “No thanks. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be able to drive you home after this” 

The woman’s lips gasp at his words, “You’re driving me home after this?” 

A light chuckle leaves Felix’s lips as his hand meets her thigh, giving it a small squeeze before whispering in her ear, “I think you’ll want me to drive you home after this” 

God, it always worked. Of course, she throws her head back at his touch. Felix feels like internally cringing. Her skins rough like scales and he wants to remove it so badly. Her hand goes to his wrist, moving his hand up her thigh as her eyes shut in bliss. Disgusting, disgusting, Felix can’t form words on how not turned on he is. Maybe he should just end this now. 

“But unfortunately, I’ll have to drive you to the Los Angeles Police for continuous accounts of larceny and grand theft” 

The woman gave Felix a blank stare, slowly closing her legs. The small action made Felix smirk as he pulled out his cuffs from under his suit, “Can’t get away now- Fuck!” 

Jumping out of her seat, the woman dashed for the door through crowded people. Trying to make his way through, Felix thought about calling for backup. 

Sure, he should’ve came with his partner Ashton but he just quit the job, leaving Felix alone on tracking cases like these until he finds a new partner. The sounds of laughter and the smell of alcohol filled his senses in the midst of his thoughts. He needed to catch this woman and finally put an end to the city’s robberies. 

----

God, how long were you sleeping? You rubbed your eyes in an attempt of clearing your blurry sight at watch the front door of the restaurant in hopes of someone needing a ride when suddenly a woman runs out. Her hand is held onto her purse as she runs down the street, jumping into the car in front of you and driving away. “Woah, WOAH!” You exclaim as a guy jumps into your passenger’s seat. 

“Follow that car!! Follow the car!!” Your eyes freeze on the man next to you as he quickly puts on his seatbelt. “Hello? Can you fucking drive??” He asks, waving his hand in front of your face before you could get a hold of the situation. Your eyes peek inside his suit, an FBI badge hidden behind the clothes before you could step on the pedal. “I have ALWAYS wanted to be in the middle of a pursuit, I’ll follow the car!” You squeal in excitement, speeding up before you could catch up with the Honda Civic. 

The guy next to you pulls up his phone, muttering some words in the call before getting an address. “Y-yeah, uhhh I just got in some taxi and the driver is following our criminal.” Shit, so this is some police stuff? 

You try to keep your cool as the Civic you’re chasing speeds through traffic, breezing through the cars and way over the speed limit. 

“Look, I work for the FBI, I’m sorry if I scared you by getting in your car all of the sudden but I seriously need to catch this guy, o-or girl. If you could press on it a bit-” 

“Are you fucking crazy?! I’m going at 75!!” You exclaim, your hands aching in pain from gripping on the wheel. 

“The limit is 65, I’m a cop!! You won’t get a ticket!” 

You turn to his side and smirk, “I won’t get a ticket?” 

The guy rolls his eyes before sighing in relief, “You won’t get a ticket” 

“If you say so” You tsk as you press on the pedal again, “Hold on tight~” 

Felix’s eyes glow as the car’s engine below you burns, the sudden speed pulls the both of you back but your reactions are quite different. The man next to you is holding onto his seat for his life while you’re living the time of your life. 

“Can you be a little more responsible?? I’m trying to catch a criminal here” 

“A bit responsible? You literally just got into a stranger’s car and asked them to drive” 

“You’re a taxi driver, you should at least have some experience in traffic” 

“Only when I’m following the ro-WATCH!” You swerve past a car in front of you that slowed down, your hand on Felix’s chest as you hold him back to make sure he’s safe. Your act took Felix by surprise, his focus completely thrown off before you could place your hand on the wheel. 

“Okay, okay sorry. I-I’ll try my best, I can see the car ahead of us” You sputter our nervously. 

Felix clears his throat and fixes his suit before eyeing the car again. “It looks like it’s taking a turn on Union, maybe going to one of the backstreets” 

“Should I keep my distance?” 

“Hmm, depends. Is this car bulletproof?” He asks, arching an eyebrow as you pout your lips. 

“Fuck off” You roll your eyes before cautiously driving into one of the more hidden streets of the city. 

Suddenly the Civic stopped, causing Felix to jump up in his seat as he watches. The woman gets out of her car, her figure suddenly disappearing. 

“Park right here,” Felix asked, “If you don’t see me in ten, try calling the police, but I doubt you’ll have to do that” He winks before closing the door. 

You take a gasp in relief, looking around the dark neighborhood and locking the doors to your car. What are you going to do now? A random FBI agent got into your car and now you’re stuck here for ten minutes… waiting. Anything could be going on inside there. Shit, what if he gets shot? Or kidnapped?? You covered your mouth at the thought, no that can’t happen. He seemed too cocky to be easily fought against. 

Left with your thoughts, you couldn’t keep the idea of the FBI agent’s figure off your mind. I mean, you’re not saying he’s hot or anything but… well. Can you blame yourself? What else should you be thinking about when you just gave a ride to some guy and possibly put him in danger. You would never be able to forgive yourself if something happened to him, even if he asked you to. 

“Maybe I should go,” You tell yourself before shaking your head. “No.. no he told me to wait here, just 8 more minutes.” You stared at the clock inside your car and anxiously stuff your phone inside your coat pocket. “Screw this” You mutter before getting out. 

----

You take a risky corner, entering the blindspot which the woman had disappeared into when you were in the car. A gust of wind blew your way, the chills growing goosebumps on your skin as the anticipation waited. God bless all the seasons of Criminal Minds you had watched, you felt like you were prepared for anything. In fact, the building you stepped into was completely empty. Tip-toeing into the place, you hid yourself between two storage containers before you could feel it shift a bit. 

A few groans and sounds of stress were heard from inside. Was there more than one person here? You feel your heartbeat out of your chest, back pressed against the metal container as you slid closer to its entrance. 

It was when the container moved that you couldn’t hide any longer, an uncalled gasp pasted your lips and blew your cover. 

“Is someone else here?” You heard a woman’s voice ask, your fingers growing numb as you felt yourself exposed. 

When you found yourself in broad attention, you saw the person Felix was looking for heading towards you, gun in her hand, and a fierce look in her eyes. “Who’s this?” 

Over the person’s shoulder, you could see Felix bunched up in the corner of the container, hands over his stomach as a patch of blood started to build upon his side. His eyes showed fear as he gestured his head to run, but you knew you couldn’t leave him like this. 

“I asked, who are you, sweetie?” The woman asked again before finally stepping in front of you. 

Peeked over to see Felix again, you scrunch your fingers up in a fist trying to blow off some heat. 

“I… I’m-” Grabbing your pepper spray bottle around your neck, you sprayed the woman’s eyes causing her to fall on the floor. Once she fell you quickly kicked the gun out of her hands, grabbing the weapon and running towards Felix. You could hear the woman groan in pain but you could care less.

“Are you okay?” You asked, grabbing his arm and throwing it over your shoulder. 

“Yeah I’m fine” Felix panted out, his eyes wincing in pain. “Just be careful, there’s guards on the other doors so use that entrance, it’s closer to your car” 

You made your best attempt to leave the room as soon as possible, the exit was just a few steps closer but the woman who was once blinded with pepper spray was now up on her feet. 

“OI, DID YOU NOT HEAR ME SCREAMING?” She exclaimed, calling at the guards from each exit. You quickly slid in between two containers, pulling Felix in front of you. 

Felix looked to the side, the awkward positioning giving you two no space. You could only look at him in the midst of events. His face filled with freckles, brown eyes, lightly shaded features and blonde hair. You clenched your jaw, trying to keep yourself together as a guard passed by you two. 

You felt a wet patch growing on your chest, causing you to look down at Felix’s wound. The chest to chest contact had not only gotten your cheeks pink but also your coat, fancy. As soon as the guards followed the girl, Felix tapped your shoulder and pointed at the exit as you assisted him out. 

“We have to be quick, the guards are probably looking for us” He panted as he let go of you, opening the door as you ran to your driver’s seat. 

“Is that a bullet wound?? You’re bleeding so much, do I call 911?” You exclaimed, looking at him for a response. 

“Just drive!” Felix exclaimed, watching as the guards started the move out of the building. 

“Fuck, fuck!!” You screamed, pressing on the accelerator as the car backed up. You shook in fear when you felt your car being shot. “Felix, I already told you this shit isn’t bulletproof!! It’s just a freaking Toyota!!” You cried out, watching as the bodyguards chased towards you. 

Felix pulled out a gun from under his jeans before opening the window and shooting at the guards. “Keep going, it’s fine” He puffed out before you could finally meet the road. You quickly changed gears to drive and found yourself on a crowded street. 

“Felix! Felix?” You asked, looking to your right to find him clenching onto his shirt. “Shit, you’re bleeding even more, should I drive to the hospital?” 

“No, no just pull over” He whispered back, “Check if we lost them and pull over, if not go to a hotel nearby” 

Thanks to your years of being a taxi driver, you knew the streets like the back of your hand. Making a few turns you found yourself at a motel that your friend owned. You pulled up at the drive-thru, soon realizing that Felix was next to you. 

Trying your best to cover him with your figure, you thanked your friend and grabbed a key to an empty room. 

----

“Oh my god, that’s so- eek!” You screeched as Felix removed the bullet from his waist. 

Turning around, you felt a similar pain growing on your side just from the sight of Felix’s injury. 

“It’s over, you can look now” Felix rolled his eyes, laying back on the bed carefully so he wouldn’t stain the sheets. 

You turned around, slowly opening your eyes to find him resting against the bedrest. “Umm, I can go chill with my friend downstairs if you want to relax that… seems pretty serious” 

“No it’s fine, you can stay in bed with me if you’d like” 

“I mean, wait what?!” 

Felix smirked at your response, chuckling in pain as his laughs caused pained to his stomach. “Oh come on, I saw the way you were checking me out earlier” 

You gasped at his words, “What a cocky bitch. This is coming from the same guy who said ‘If you don’t see me in ten, try calling the police, but I doubt you’ll have to do that’” You mocked in his deep voice. 

“Hey- it was your problem for not waiting ten minutes. If you had waited I’m sure I would’ve found a way out of there” 

“Excuse me?” You asked sarcastically, walking towards him. “Oh were you not going to thank me for saving your life right now?” 

Felix sat up on the bed, his lips inches away from yours before whispering “Would you like me to?” 

You pushed him back in his place before crossing your arms. Felix did the same, crossing his arms and closing his eyes as he grabbed onto the sheet. “ I think the injury is getting worse even after I took out the bullet” 

“It seriously doesn’t hurt?” You asked, eyeing the cut and clothes torn with blood, the white material of his suit slowly dissipating. “Maybe we should clean it up” You run to the bathroom to grab some towels, filling a bath bowl with water and returning. 

“Here,” You said, handing him the things before he could close his eyes. 

“I don’t think I can do it myself, can you?” 

You look back down at the clothed wound, dipping the cloth in water and dabbing it. 

“I swear to god, take off the shirt please” He groans, arching his back at the contact of cold water. 

You feel a gulp down your throat as you slowly unbutton his white shirt, his broad sweaty chest being exposed before revealing the wound for itself. 

Watching his facial expressions, you slowly clean up the bullet wound and remove his shirt so you could cool him down with the hot water. 

“Thank you” He mutters out, “Thank you for not freaking out on me, it’s honestly surprising that you didn’t ask me when I’m calling for backup… or how you even trusted me in the first place” 

“It’s fine, today would’ve been another Saturday I supposed if I wasn’t saving some FBI agent’s life” 

Felix chuckled at your response, “Taxi driver huh? You don’t seem fit for the job”

“Oh really? It’s been three years and I’m doing just fine. What do you see me as?”

Felix’s eyebrows wrinkled in thought before he could answer, “Maybe an FBI agent… in fact, would you like to be my partner?”

#so... what do you guys think of this BAHHA #felix au #lee felix au #lee felix fics #felix fics #lee felix imagines #felix imagines #skz au #stray kids au #stray kids fics #skz fics #stray kids imagines #skz imagines #skz drabbles #stray kids drabbles #felix drabbles #lee felix drabbles

[oh-theatre]

Just A Remnant Now

A/n: lmao this is so bad im so sorry,,, lmaooo ITS SO BAD

TW: Death, spirit, spit, farting, destroy, pain, graphic descriptions, ANGST, no happy ending

“Im sorry Remus I cant talk to you right now, its been months and I cant figure out where this spirit energy is coming from” Logan huffs. “Tomorrow is my presentation and if i have nothing to show for it my entire funding, this project crumbles” He rambles. Remus follows him, his feet carry a sweet lightness as he listens.

“What will they do with the spirit or ghost?” Remus questions, sitting on one of the cold benches focusing hard as he fiddles with something in his hand. A cold breeze as Logan snatches the tool away from him. “Hmph” Remus pouts

“My guess? Ill get a whole team of scientists! A whole new lab with facilities and so much more! And ill tear it apart and study every aspect” Logan beams, the glint in his eye sickened Remus.

“So you'll kill it?” Remus scoffs “Seems kinda brutal”

“No ill just...take it apart to...examine its..origins and what it can do and...its a ghost what does it matter Remus?” Logan inquires, typing viciously away at his keyboard. 

“They still have feelings, their sensories are there!” Remus argues, feeling his face flush. “The way you plan to tear them apart is inhumane! Its against their will Logan, they are still forms of living. 

“They are, in every sense of the word, not Remus. They are dead, figments of what used to be. They cant feel pain, or emotion, they are a remnant” Logan explains

“They are more than that! Lo you're not listening!” Remus stands now, Logan could be intimidating but Remus towered over the scientist. 

“Im not listening because you don't know what youre talking about”  Logans cold glare would pierce anyone but not Remus. “You're just my engineer.” He spits

Though i wish we could be more, both think in unison through their frustration.

 “They have the memories of their old life, they have feelings, they have feelings of the world they must traverse through now as a spirit. They develop feelings, emotions, memories and more. They travel through to the middle ground between living and dead. If they accept it, they move on but some choose to stay!” Remus finishes, his breath cold as it spits on Logan. “Some don't have a choice! Some are tethered! But they aren't just ghosts Logan. They live in the now, through whatever means. Tearing them apart with my molecular design would kill them, and every ounce of pain felt would hurt just as much as it would to you.” Remus finishes, his body shakes, he tries his best to keep solid to the ground. 

“You've developed emotions for these things” Logan rolls his eyes. His judgment was not missed. “And if im not mistake, its your device Remus” Logan reminds

“You're right...it is” He turns to where the device sits immaculate, his design perfect. Such as the mad genius he was. He took his work in his hands, feeling every ounce of metal and wiring that was in it. Then, in the flash of an eye, the machine crashed. It fell to the ground with the force of anger, Logans shock and frozen state was unmissable as the pieces clattered around the ground. 

“What have you done” He whispers viciously. Remus stands triumphant feeling the pain inside. 

“What I should have done as soon as I made it” Remus sighs.

“Why do you care so deeply for these things! You have no idea what they are or what they do!” Logan yells, his voice echoes through the lab.

“For how smart you are.. youre so fucking dumb Logan!” Remus argues back. “For months the same spiritual energy has been popping up on your monitor! You couldn't put two and two together?” He smirks. “You really think after your failed convention last year they would send you an engineer?” 

“What are you saying” Logan breathes

“You're so dumb Logan!” Remus swipes an angered hand across the table, tools crash to the ground. 

“Stop calling me that” Remus’s accusations had cut deep.

“You call me that at least once every hour!”  The continue arguing, it hurts each of them more than can be described. Each new insult is a breach to the relationship they had built up over the past year.  Finally Remus couldn't keep it in anymore. “Im the spirit Logan!” 

the silence that fell through the lab was piercing. 

“I didn't want to move on because fuck closure, so i found you. I liked what you were doing...or at least what i thought you were doing. But once i had built the machine i could have left...but I liked you Logan. Plus you hadn't found a spirit! I thought hey maybe this will be the final piece of the puzzle...” Logans speechless breaths were terrifying. Remus cant help but reach out, he focuses allowing his hands to solidify. He takes Logans hands. “Watch” He instructs, after a quick thought Logans hands fall through Remus’s hold. 

“no no” He tries desperately to grasp to Remus, he wants to feel his hands. “No no lies lies all of it” He spirals, Remus just watches knowing this was inevitable. Remus feels a tug at his heart, he works quickly and the machine is one again. Logan remains at his desk, murmuring nonsense. 

“Lo?” Remus for all his chaos, had the softest voice. “Take me...to the demonstration tomorrow” he offers. Logan looks up finally, his eyes red from thoughts. “I was just another chess piece for your game, just use me...i don't think i wanna stay around much longer anyway” He sighs.

“No Remus. We have to stop this project.”

“what?” Remus barely breathes. 

“I was wrong...I was wrong and so misguided.” Logan admits, he has no idea if his next move would work but he takes Remus hands feeling a warmth as they stay solid in his hold. “You were never a piece...but I was wrong. Because they can feel, you feel...and I feel you” He moves a hand to Remus cheek. Logan had never seen this energetic bumble of ‘not safe for work’ jokes and buzzing laughter so...tired. And it was his fault. “You feel pain and joy and sadness and-”

“Love” Remus adds, Logan holds back his desperation. 

“I was truly an idiot, I was so focused on not looking like a failure I forgot my true goal. To discover and explore...not destroy” Logan sighs “I wanted to learn, but i let that go and became this”

“You dont wanna...destroy?” Remus cant quite wrap his head around it. 

“No god. I wanted to understand! But i let the success and money get to me. And i lost sight of who I was. You arent a danger...you are a miracle” He smiles ever so slightly. “SOmething I love so much is not worth destroying” He states

“Love?” Remus feels himself relax. 

“So..so much” Logan says

“Hah you're in love with a ghost” Remus teases, Logan sighs with a giggle and a playful eye roll. 

“I still have the machine remus” Logan threatens with a grin. Remus steps back and gasps his collar. 

“How dare thee!” He cries ever so mockingly. “I thought you cared”

“Woe is you” He laughs quickly pulling Remus into a kiss. 

Yeah its weird, but so intriguing. He expected a cold chill but received warmth in Remus’s embrace. 

They canceled the demonstration and gracefully stepped away. Years passed and Logan desperately tried to find a solution, he wanted Remus to stay, to be here in all his physical form. But on a quiet fall night, Remus was sprawled across the couch trying to dunk cheese balls into his mouth. Logan sat at his work bench concocting as he did. Logan had had his doubts over the years, Remus was a ghost. But Remus explained that the longer he was on earth he felt tethered a developed a physical form. He wasn't a human but he wasn't a ghost, almost a third party but he was real. 

But he was fading. 

And Logan worked tirelessly to find out what he could do. He had consulted with Virgil and Patton, two scientists who had done great strides for the world of science. He constantly worked alongside Janus but to no avail. Remus was fading, he would have to go soon. Remus didn't mind, all he tried to do was comfort his partner but Logan, for as smart as he was, was in deep denial. 

But this fall night, as a cheesy treat fell into Remus’s mouth his image flickered. This caught Logans eye from his work. 

“Remus?” He rushed over watching Remus sit up straight. The flickers were slow before they became full glitches and constantly. “No i need more time. Surely.” He could feel his tears coming. 

“Promise me youll find someone? Whos maybe not a farting ghost” Remus shrugs, Logan shakes his head, this wasnt the time for jokes. “Logan you knew this was coming. Also lets be honest, it was weird im a ghost”

“You're not though! You're a tethered!” He cries

“Guess my tether snapped” Remus sighs. He wanted to spend these last few moments in sweet bliss but instead, in true Logann fashion, he was arguing. “Come cuddle me you obnoxious man” He pouts

He knows its a joke but the sadness in Remus’s eyes finally catches up to the scientist. He obliges sitting with Remus. They do cuddle, and Remus finally lets go. His tears are soft and he doesnt think much but he doesnt know whats going to happen next. 

“You should get a dog” He sniffles, Logan laughs dryly stroking the messiest hair he had ever known. “Also Janus totally likes you” Remus wasnt oblivious to the way Janus looked at Logan. But he didn't mind, Logan was his...but he wanted his partner to be happy once he was gone. 

“Perhaps, but let me just...let me mourn alright?” Logan asks

“Fine, but promise me you wont mourn forever, please?” He holds up his pinky, Logan rolls his eyes but promises either way. Remus leans up a tad to kiss Logans cheek. “Lets just sit here ok?” He requests, Logan grants it. “I love you Logie” He knows that only he is allowed to call him such a name. They sit in silence, feeling the heartbeats and warmth. Every intimate move felt so careful. 

“I love you so much” He says after a moment of silence, he awaits a response but looks down to see Remus was no longer there. A small gasp as he takes to his chest. This is what it felt like, so much pain. They never conducted the experiments but as he clutched his heart and sobbed loudly he imagined this was close enough. 

#intrulogical #logan sanders #remus sanders #sanders sides #write #writing #youtube #angst #no happy ending #thomas sanders #fanfic #fic #fanfiction

[cloudyclaudia]

April 23, 2021 Day 1

It’s my first day of journaling. 

I'm doing this in hopes of feeling better. Maybe writing my thoughts down on a page will help make me and my mind be less cloudy. Technically its typing but its all the same to me. 

Anyways its been rough. 

There is so much to say and at the same time nothing at all to say about what I am going through. I don't like talking about my depression much especially to others who don't relate to my problems. My problems to others may seem minor but if it has taken complete control of my life than I believe its not as minor as others think. Maybe I care too much about what others think and that is why I don't open up? who fucking knows, I sure as hell don't.

 I feel lost. Like I don't belong here. This isn't my first time feeling like this nor will it be my last, Ive felt this way my entire life. I don't know what I am doing, I don't know what I want to do, I don't know where I wanna go. All I know is that I have no motivation to do anything, to be anything. I don't feel anything. Emotionless.Numb.Lost. And just when I think I know what I want to do I end up scaring myself from doing whatever it is I do want to do and then I don't wanna do it anymore. Fear. I feel like I've been holding myself back from a great life because of fear. But what the fuck am I so afraid of? success? or failure? I have to stop the fear, but how? I want to be fearless. Once I become fearless I know I will be able to accomplish amazing things in this universe. 

I feel sick. Sick of constantly letting myself down, but I can't stop doing it. I can't stop disappointing myself. I want to be the healthy, successful, organized and happy disciplined person I imagine myself to be but instead I am constantly skipping meals, emotionally eating, laying down in bed all day not moving an inch except for my thumbs gliding across my phone screen. Watching others obtain the life I wish for myself. 

Its insane what depression can do. 

Anger. Im pissed at myself for allowing it to go on for this long. Its been years. Years of not being ok. I am 24 years old and I am just as lost as I felt when I was 19. Time just keeps passing by but I have not changed a thing. Maybe my character is different and maybe I am more self aware than I was at 19. But I still feel 19. I am still lost. Career? Goals? I don't have any. 

Relationships. Oh man is it hard. Once the honeymoon phase is over Im once again numb. Continuously being in the same cycle. My partner now has never really dealt with depression. And because of that a part of me resents him. Its not exactly jealousy because I am not jealous of the life he lives but I am jealous of his view of the world. Its so different from mine. I also resent him because he sees me like this every single day and doesn't say a word about it, he thinks its my normal behavior but its not normal. I shouldn't be spending endless hours in bed trying to distract myself from reality but I do and he doesn't say anything. He doesn't do anything he just lets me live in my own sorrow in my own self loathing and it feels shitty.

 I know he is not responsible for me, I am well aware that I am in control of myself and he isn't and he isn't suppose to make me happy because happiness is a state of mind that only exists within myself but why doesn’t he care enough to want to help me? A part of me wants to compare him to others. Those who look up ways to help with depression in order to help their loved ones overcome it. They care enough, he doesn't and if he does he has a very shitty way of showing it.

I don't feel loved enough.

The other day he said to me “Hey babe, you’re beautiful.” We were laying in bed I was on my phone looking at meditation music. I was actually taken aback by his compliment because it had felt like months since Ive heard one. Crazy.        After I thanked him, he then proceeded to say “Wow, I haven't said that in a long time huh?” to which I nodded. He whispered “Im sorry” and I nodded it off like it was nothing. Maybe I should of spoken up, but I didn't. 

And that's day one in my cloudy thoughts. Maybe ill post a part two tonight maybe ill continue this tomorrow in Day 2. I just hope I don't disappoint myself again and become inconsistent like I do with everything else.

signing off, Claudia.

#journaling #journalingaesthetic #journal #depression #depressing quotes #depressingquotes #depressingpost #relationship #relationships #cloudy #cloudymind #life quotes #lifequotes #love #nolove #unloved #unlovable

[imashitperson]

IM A SHIT PERSON

I AM A TERRIABLE PERSON I TREAT EVERYONE LIKE SHIT I TREAT MY GIRLFRIEND LIKE DOG SHIT AND I HURT HER SO MUCH WHEN SHE DOESNT DESERVE IT LIKE I LOVE OUR RELATIONSHIP BUT IM FUCKING THAT UP HENCE WHY I CANT HAVE ANYTHING GOOD IN MY LIFE WORKS SUCKS IM ONLY THERE TO MAKE MONEY LIFE SUCKS BECAUSE EVERYTHING GOOD IN MY LIFE I FUCK UP AND RUIN I HAVE NO FRIENDS I HAVE NOTHING GOING FOR ME IM AT A JOB I DIDNT EVEN GO TO SCHOOL FOR I HAVE NO CONFIDENCE NO SELF ESTEME IM JUST A WALKING FUCKING FAILURE IM JUST HERE ON EARTH DOING WHAT I HAVE NO CLUE IM EVERYONES PUNCHING BAG AND IT SUCKS IT TRULY FUCKING SUCKS I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN SAID PUNCHING BAG THROUGH SCHOOL EVERY SINGLE FUCKING YEAR WORK EVERY SINGLE JOB IVE HAD IDK WHAT TO DO ANYMORE IDK HOW TO FEEL ANYMORE IDK JUST LIFE MAN DOES IT SUCK BUT I GET WHAT I DESERVE ILL LOSE MY GIRLFRIEND AND REALLY HAVE NOTHING BUT HEY I GUESS THATS THE HAND I DELT MYSELF NO CONFIDENCE OR ANYTHING NO FRIENDS NO LIFE NO NOTHING I DID IT TO MYSELF AND THAT WHAT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH I WOULD BLAME COVID BUT IT HAS BEEN LIKE THIS FOREVER SINCE I WAS LITTLE UP TILL NOW TO THIS VERY SECOND I AM WRITING THIS I HATE LIFE AND WHEN ITS DECENT I FUCK IT UP MAYBE THATS HOW I WANT TO BE ALONE WITH NOONE OR ANYTHING MAYBE THATS WHY I FUCK EVERYTHING THATS GOOD UP IN MY LIFE MAYBE I SHOULDNT TRY TO FIGHT THAT MAYBE ITS HOW MY LIFE WAS WRITTEN TO BE I FEEL LIKE THATS THE PLAN STOP TRYING TO HAVE EVERYTHING GOOD AND JUST LET LIFE SUCK LIKE IT SHOULD BE LIKE IT WAS CREATED FOR ME LIKE I AMOUNT TO NOTHING AND I AM PROVING THAT TO MYSELF .

HERES A RUNDOWN OF MY LIFE

WORK-GET SHIT ON AND CANT STAND IT BECUASE I AM “ RETARDED AND STUPID AND ANNOYING” LIKE THEY TELL ME THERE

RELATIONSHIP- FUCK THAT UP CAUSE IM A FUCKING SHIT PERSON

FRIENDS- HAVE NONE BECAUSE I SCARE THEM ALL OFF BECAUSE IM A WEIRDO AND NOT NORMAL IN THEIR EYES

LIFE- IT FUCKING SUCKS IT JUST FLAT OUT FUCKING SUCKS

[fairycosmos]

so i’m diagnosed with aspd (please don’t judge me) and i know that bc of that i’m more prone to addiction than ‘neurotypical’ people and i’m kind of scared i’m turning into a (functional) alcoholic and at the same time i don’t care?? i’m unsure of what to do bc i can’t open up to my therapist who i’ve been seeing for two years so i can’t tell her about my potential addiction. anyways i’m sorry for dumping this on you but i just needed to bent and you seem like a truly nice and caring person.

hey there’s no judgement on my end, don’t worry. i can sort of relate to being more prone to addiction but due to family history rather than a personality disorder - i can understand to an extent how hard it is to gain a sense of control or even a will to improve. though i’m obviously ignorant on your lived experiences with aspd, and how it impacts your behaviour and thought processes, can i ask why you cant open up to your therapist about it? do you think you’ll always feel that way, have you already made the decision for your future self that you’re not going to reach out? or is it something you can work on confronting? i think it’s worth reflecting on that point so you can identify what it is you’re so apprehensive of, what the worst case scenario is and how likely that being honest with a professional will lead to that actually occurring in reality. i appreciate how extremely difficult it is to put this sort of thing into words, and i’m not saying you have to bare your entire soul at your next appointment, i’m just asking you to take pause and keep your options open ended in your head. i think it’s a really great sign that you have the self awareness to see that this is becoming a problem. not to sound cliche but that really is the first step towards modifying your actions for the better. you have to try to keep listening to the part of you that is scared because it is what’s going to save you in the long run. the fact that you were able to send this and verbalize the fear is great. you know that what you’re doing doesn’t serve you well. and maybe you don’t care about that 100% of the time - because you don’t care about yourself or because it’s easier to block things out or because you just can’t find the energy or because of your mental illness. whatever the case may be, may be something else entirely. but the majority of the time the urge to want to give up is both temporary and empty. you’re not a lost cause, in fact you’re the furthest thing from it. it will be much easier to start laying the foundation for a healthier future now - even if you have to force yourself to, even if you have to tear your way through the apathy - before the choice is no longer yours. i’m not trying to scare you, and i’m more than certain you know the dangers of alcoholism, but i want to reiterate that there IS a better life for you than that. it’s all in what you do now with the resources that are at your disposal. not every day has to be a good one, and relapses happen, but there has to be an understanding in the back of your mind as to why it’s crucial that you keep trying. that sometimes it’s ok to be clear minded and sober and terribly bored. even if it fucking hurts. specialized therapy will be able to give you the tools and coping mechanisms to keep the urges at bay when they do arise, and may be able to instill some self worth into you as well. you start with one small positive routine and then build around it, one day at a time. no rush or deadline. whatever you’re avoiding, or whatever underlying issues are causing you to drink so much, they CAN be confronted and worked through with time and the right support. i promise, it’s not just empty words. it’s the truth. there are a lot of times in my life i’ve quietly thought i’m going to be an alcoholic at some point, and i still do sometimes. that i’m just going to finally let go and get wrecked all the time. and what sets me back ‘on track’ changes all the time, but mostly i remember how totally shit i feel after i drink too much. and how my parents were/are, how damaged. how i don’t want to make that my life 24/7 by CHOICE, because right now it still is. i’ve seen/spoken to alcoholics who are too far down the path to return to normalcy, their bodies totally dependent on drink and it is the saddest thing in the world. and they all thought they were functional at one point too, you know? use this hindsight you have to make a difference. again, this isn’t to scare you and certainly not to blame you in any way. this isn’t a matter of personal failure or guilt. addiction is an illness, a hell of a one. i just think it’s good to have some perspective and to see what you’re fighting against by making the choice not to pick up the bottle. i really hope you’re able to revisit the idea of speaking to your therapist or maybe an AA group (over the phone i suppose, with the virus) in your area. it could also help to talk to your loved ones or people you trust about the issue. i’m sure they’d rather you do that than struggle alone and get to a point of no return before they even had the chance to be there for you. there are a lot of people out there who have been where you are and who are willing to help. you’re truly not alone, alright? i’m going to leave a few links to some numbers and resources you can call though im v sorry if they dont pertain to where you live :/ please give yourself the opportunity to heal and recuperate while you still can, even if you dont feel any ‘urgency’ or sense of ‘self care’ in this moment. you can still do the right thing for yourself despite your thoughts. you do deserve it, you know. im sending you love and warmth, take care x

https://drugabuse.com/alcohol/hotlines/

https://adfam.org.uk/help-for-families/finding-support/call-a-helpline

https://www.drugwise.org.uk/where-can-i-get-help/

https://www.therecoveryvillage.com/alcohol-abuse/treatment-rehab/from-alcohol-self-help-to-recovery-practical-tips/

#anon #tw alcoholism

[hydrospanners]

fic masterlist: swtor

at the request of literally no one, i’ve created a masterlist of all my swtor fic. first is a chronological collection of all the swtor fic i’ve written in my “canon”. it’s broken up into snippets of time relative to the events of swtor. aus and gift fics are at the end. this is more for me than anything else, but if you have a bunch of time on your hands and want to read some fic--enjoy!!!

i am the most self-indulgent author known to man so there are numerous fics that don’t feature any canon characters in any significant way. i’m not sorry, but i did mark them with an asterisk for everyone’s edification. i also wrote actually vaguely descriptive descriptions instead of whatever bullshit i put in the descriptions on ao3. all links go to ao3 because tumblr was not designed for reading and it shows.

53 fics below the cut... what a trip, y’all.

backstory these fics are about things that happened before the opening of the class story. 

* a very velaran life day - snippets of different life days in the velaran family history. no canon characters in it yet, but maybe this christmas i’ll get to some fics that aren’t solely about my own ocs.

* the shape of things to come - the story about how rea finally joined the jedi at the ripe old age of sixteen.

* a dimming star - the first steps on rea’s jedi path. they aren’t fun ones, lads!

* necessary sacrifice - like three years down the timeline and still no canon characters! rea continues to struggle with this whole being a jedi thing, and it continues to struggle with her! this one features a haircut as a symbol of a turning point in the story.

bars and stripes - canon characters??? in my fic????? its more likely than you think. this is a shameless ripoff of an episode of m*a*s*h masquerading as doc backstory. does it have cameos and/or mentions of other healer companions? maybe!!!

prelude these are fics set during the prologue of the class stories, everything that happens between the start and completing the capital planet missions. 

* memories - rhese? do you finally get a say in all this??? this is the moment rhese and rea finally see each other for the first time since they were recruited to the jedi, set at the very start of the class story.

attachments - kira and rea talk about rhese. that’s it. that’s the fic.

act one all the stories set between killing tarnis and beginning preparations to capture the emperor (everything after coruscant ending and pubside balmorra starting). rip orgus. one day ill finish all those wips about how sad it was when he bit it. in the mean time, can i interest you in some gifsets?

lessons - now rea’s padawan, kira reflects on how bad rea is at teaching, though maybe without as much clarity as i just implied.

a tangled web - so stupid it’s basically crack, kira has to rescue rea from an embarrassing situation.

of flowers, failure, and the virtues of friendship - kira and rhese start to bond over the shared torment of having to be around rea. rivals to friends (one day i’ll write the “to lovers” part that comes after).

act two all the stories during the time when the knight is prepping for the assault on the emperor’s fortress and then assaulting it. everything between pubside balmorra starting and breaking free from the emperor’s fortress after that super successful plan to bring him in alive. great job jedi!

filling the table - is that shipfic????? the reason i started writing swtor fic in the first place??? this is rea being thirsty disguised as me sewing seeds for the eventual doc x rea romance. pazaak themed for some reason? (doc x rea)

when the wicked play - this is me being obsessed with the translation of video game violence to vaguely realistic circumstances posing as doc feeling some kind of way about rea murdering a whole bunch of dudes who wanted to hurt her but weren’t powerful enough. not primarily romantic but definitely some setup for their relationship.

night shift -  everything is doc x rea and nothing hurts. rea’s got work to do but who can work when there’s a horny mustachio’d doctor trying to persuade her back to bed??? it’s not love it’s just good sex!!!!! honest!!!!(doc x rea)

these nights never seem to go to plan - rea isn’t yearning for affection, she’s just too tired to get out of doc’s bed after so much boning. okay maybe this is about slightly more than good sex after all... doc x rea TENDERNESS.

somewhere we’ve not been before - this is the good shit lads!!!! doc x rea!!! first dates!!!! shenanigans!!!! honest to goodness falling in love between all that fucking that do!!!!!!!!!!!! (doc x rea)

no better taste - a sequel to the last fic featuring the morning after!!! some post-horniness introspection!! tenderness!!!!!! hints of yearning!!! god i miss the days before the mind control and the carbonite when the problems were normal things like commitment and abandonment issues. (doc x rea)

heart - rea sends doc a rocking “thanks for the great sex” gift!! rhese is disgusted by every part of it! this is comedy folks!!!! (doc x rea... i guess)

interruptions - rea takes a work call while she’s boning doc. that’s the whole fic. i think this was my first spicy fic?? i can’t remember. (doc x rea)

* where you go to rest your bones - sibling tenderness!!!! their relationship is super complicated, but rhese is reminded that underneath all the bullshit rea really does love him a lot.... it’s both sad and not sad at the same time. schroedinger’s sadness.

gifts - the crew tries to plan a gift for rea, but what do you get for the woman who’s banned from everything?? so dumb it’s basically crack and i’m not sorry for it.

crapshoot - the crew takes bets on what rea’s next Bad Idea TM will be. she shows them you can’t predict chaos. basically crack but i don’t care.

spoonful of sugar - vignettes about the jedi knight crew dealing with sickness. almost entirely comedy and/or fluff. doc x rea content is present and rhese x kira content is suggested.

a little eggstra - grocery shopping gone awry, based on an old tumblr text post. hella stupid, yet hella fun. doc x rea is in the background.

to break our bones for kindling - you thought we were just having good times??? you’re a fool. doc’s job is to heal people and rea’s job is to break them. sometimes they have work-related disagreements!!! be sad with me. doc x rea.

* when a problem comes along, you must whip it - i can only stop being stupid for so long, so here’s the story about how rea came to possess her lightwhip, the stupidest weapon known to man. these events do not go well for rhese.

things unsaid - a dumb doc x rea drabble about stupid shit rea says when she’s been mortally wounded. if doc were to just let her die, no one would blame him.

* the things you do for love are gonna come back to you one by one - a bit of a character/relationship study about what rhese is willing to sacrifice for love of his sister, no matter how complicated things are between them. a second chapter about what rea sacrifices for rhese is in my wips and will be completed... .eventually. 

lovesick - doc x rea ship content. my interpretation of that one conversation where doc’s like “hey would your jedi powers tell me if im going crazy also do you love me? check yes or no. i will not elaborate.”

* the things we left behind - oh no lads.... we’re building up to the fortress shit.... our good times are over. rea does some underhanded shit to make sure her brother doesn’t go on this mission to capture the emperor cause the plan does not seem like a great one.

act three wow wasn’t act two fun??? so much silly nonsense and love. now get a drink assholes it’s Time To Be Sad. act three covers everything in the class stories after coming back from that super successful assault on the emperor’s fortress (great job jedi!) to finally stabbing the bastard in the dark fortress and hoping that gets the job done at last. (spoilers: it doesn’t!!!!!) aka stories from belsavis to the final assault on dromund kaas.

everything we left there - it’s trauma time!!! rea’s fucked up from the fortress and feeling the pressure (thanks for the prophecy scourge!!! love that!!!!) so she hurts people she cares about to protect them. it’s her signature move!

the only thing that’s real - rea continues to be fucked up from what happened on the fortress but hey... at least she isn’t fucked up alone??? sad doc x rea content.

into the jungle - the gang is on belsavis and no one is having a good time! since rea isn’t herself, doc tries to pick up the slack and reassure kira that it’ll all be okay! it goes about as well as you’d expect.

interlude now that i’m looking at it, there are some serious gaps in my fic coverage. anyway, sad hours are over, the emperor is (kind of but not really) dead and there may still be a war on but things are looking up! this covers everything between the emperor’s death and the beginning of kotfe, including forged alliances and the shadow of revan.

hands too hungry - doc finally takes rea on that honeymoon she didn’t really care about in the first place! tragically, rea is way too horny to be impressed by what an amazing vacation he planned for himself them. peak rea x doc content.

no kind of romantic - it’s doc and rea’s one year anniversary but they are both working on opposite sides of the galaxy. sad! it’s doc x rea fluff disguised as angst.

a little help from a friend - rea and theron are worst/best friends and i recycle romance tropes into annoying friendship ones. this is the least sexy sharing body heat fic you’ve ever (not?) read. bite me.

retirement - rea has some feelings about her very violent, stressful job and how it interferes with her husband doing things that actually help and heal. doc x rea content.

the dreaded kotfe content these are sad hours!!! this is everything from arcann’s invasion on, cause i’m not breaking it up by post-carbonite storyline you bastards. i don’t know why i’m being so hostile no one asked me to do this.

every doubt we had - after watching what may have been his sister’s death by exploding starship, rhese is having trouble sleeping. no one is more surprised than him when seeks out doc for comfort! doc & rhese brothers by marriage solidarity. carbonite angst...

love is a waiting game - rea’s been MIA for six months since the ship she was on bit it and her crew is finally making some changes. doc is sad about it. doc & rhese brothers by marriage solidarity again. doc x rea angst.

waiting - some time has passed and now rhese is the sad one again!!! grief is so funny isn’t it??? hahahaha haha hahahaha why is no one else laughing? doc & rhese brothers by marriage solidarity yet again.

the greatest distance - rea’s back baby!!!! oh but this isn’t a celebration. she’s taking a tour of her long lost ship now that all the people she loved aren’t in it. it’s a sad one, fellas. 

* when the stars are the only thing we share - rea tracks down some people from her past to help her track down her brother since he went missing while she was having a nap. no canon characters were used in the making of this fic.

leave her sleeping a little longer - rea has a dream and wakes up missing doc even more than she was before. sad hours. doc x rea angst.

take back what the kingdom stole - after theron pulls some Shenanigans (you know the ones) his friendship with rea is in peril. they both break character and actually talk shit out for once.

a wish your heart makes - rea dreams a dream. so does doc. it’s a wet one. this makes it sound lighthearted but actually it’s angst with a side of porn. doc x rea supreme spicy/sad content.

overserved - back to crack baby!! rea gets drunk and acts a fool based on a joke made in a discord server. this is the best shit i’ve ever written.

thrusting back into my skin i feel anew - the band is back together again and everything is fine!!!! just kidding -- actually people change a lot in six years and rea and doc are having some trouble fitting back into the marriage they had back then. doc x rea angst but with a hopeful ending!

non-canon fics i’ve written a couple of things with my dumb characters that are too stupid even for me to put into their canon story or are otherwise aus. these are them, listed in no particular order.

the lies we tell ourselves - a sadder (yet possibly more realistic) take on the ossus reunion and what follows. a bit experimental. doc x rea angst au.

archiban frodrick’s kennel - a romance au where doc is a vet and rea has a pet with a health issue, inspired by my own stupid dog whom i love very much. doc x rea. spiciness suggested but not detailed; sorry horndogs.

fallen - a fun au where rea’s shittiness as a teacher and everything being bad leads to kira falling to the dark side... its angst lads.

the new recruit - rusk’s squad adopts a kitten. that’s the fic.

cruel - ever wonder how things would have turned out if rea was never smuggled off eriadu and got plucked up by the sith?? no??? well i have and i wrote about it. the self-indulgence never ends.

fill my lungs with sweetness - a gift fic for @hoiist; flower-themed vignettes about doc expressing his love for hoiist’s knight, vii. this is some real soft shit, lads.

remember me, love - another gift fic for @hoiist; this time some ossus-flavored angst about doc seeing through vii’s eyes in his dreams. what he sees is not comforting!!! all aboard the angst train--choo choo!!

#swtor #swtor fic #jedi knight #hydrostuff #hydrofic #hydroswstuff #hydroswfic #this was.... a lot

[sebspocketsquare]

Wishing you were here.. 2

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader (chatroom)

A/N: Hey guys! Here’s the second installment. I hope you enjoy it, and please let me know what you think.

Warnings: language,  flirting, pet names, angst, feels, bad date vibes

Masterlist

[Sarge1917:] Tell me all your favorite things.

[SpaceKitten:] All of them? You can’t be a liiiittle more specific? Lol

[Sarge1917:] oh, I’m sure I could, but.. I want to know everything there is to know about you, kitten, so I figured I’d just outright ask. (;

Every time Sarge flirted with you like this, it made you squirm in your seat while a huge smile overtook your face. To say that you found him irresistible was an understatement.

[Sarge1917]: But if it’ll be easier for you.. let’s start with favorite food, music, flowers and scent.

[SpaceKitten]: I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours.

[Sarge1917]: Deal.

This is always how your conversations started out, genuine interest in wanting to get inside your shell. But, in the early hours of the morning when the sun is just starting to paint the sky in pastel flames, the connection between you sparks and ignites.

You spill your hearts out without a second thought.

[Sarge1917]: Kitten.. can I be completely honest with you?

[SpaceKitten]: always.

Your response is nearly immediate, like its second nature to reassure him that he can trust you. That he can feel safe with you.

[Sarge1917]: I really care about you.

[SpaceKitten]: I really care about you too, Sarge.

You thought that was common knowledge in the friendship that had bloomed between you. He was always there for you, and you for him.

[Sarge1917]: As happy as it makes me to hear that, I’m not sure you understand what I’m trying to say…

[Sarge1917]: What I mean is.. I like you, kitten.

[Sarge1917]: Probably much more than I should, given I’ve never even so much as heard the sound of your voice, let alone seen your face or held you in my arms.

[Sarge1917]: I thought all of that was important when I first joined this site.. that I was already set up for failure because id never have an emotional connection with a person I couldn’t physically see.

[Sarge1917]: But I was wrong, kitten.. so very wrong.

Your mouth has gone dry at this point, a lump forming in your throat as your heart threatens to explode behind your ribs.

[Sarge1917]: Talking with you is the highlight of my day, and frankly, I don’t want to imagine a life without you in it..

[Sarge1917]: Which makes what I’m about to say very hard for me.

The excited rhythm of your heart immediately becomes a harsh thundering in your chest, fear flooding through your veins.

[Sarge1917]: I know we’ve never really gotten into detail about what I do for a living, but occasionally, I have to go off the grid for a few weeks, even months, at a time..

[Sarge1917]: It would seem now would be one of those times.

You stare blankly at the screen for a few moments, not quite sure how to respond to him.

He was leaving… for an undetermined amount of time? 

And ‘off the grid’? What did that mean?

No computer access? Surely he had a cell phone?

[Sarge1917]: Kitten…? please still be with me..

You don’t even notice how long you’ve sat, lost in your own thoughts, until he messages again.

[SpaceKitten]: I’m here..

[SpaceKitten]: How long will you be gone…?

You don’t notice you’ve started to tear up until you can barely read his response when it comes through.

[Sarge1917]: Two to three months. Depends on how quickly I get my work done. I won’t have access to phone or internet where I’m going. That’s why I needed to tell you..

[Sarge1917]: Because I know it’s selfish to ask you to wait for me.. Hell, if you even feel the same as me..

[Sarge1917]: But I can promise, as soon as I get back, I will contact you.

You’re surprised he’s the one feeling selfish, when all you can think of is begging him not to leave you.

He wasn’t yours, yet the idea of going weeks without speaking to him made anxiety fill your lungs. 

He’d given you the one thing you’d been missing: hope for something good. Hope for something beautiful.

[SpaceKitten]: When do you leave?

[Sarge1917]: First thing in the morning.. I know I should’ve told you sooner, but I.. I didn’t know how.

[Sarge1917]: I’m not good at saying goodbye.

You force a smile and take in a shaky, tearful breath.

[SpaceKitten]: Not goodbye.. just ‘see you soon’, right..?

[Sarge1917]: Of course. Just see you soon.

When Sarge finally signed off a few hours later, an empty pit formed in the center of your chest and you found yourself silently sobbing yourself to sleep. 

Was it childish? Maybe, but in that moment, you didn’t care. Your worst fear in the friendship had come to reality; he left.

Two weeks turned to four, four turned to six, six to eight and so on, until Sarge’s absence had reached an appalling 22 weeks. 

Summer had turned to autumn, and the autumn leaves had begun to turn a shade of brown that only winter’s frost can bring.

Waiting longer than that for a faceless man you’d met on the internet seemed foolish, and so you were determined to move on.

You found a different app, more up to date, showing you other singles in the area who were looking to meet up. 

Setting up a date with the first guy who matched with you seemed like a good idea at the time.

When you show up to the address of your dinner date, you realize it’s a more-sleazy-than-not type of place, and seemed like the perfect spot to have more intimate conversations than you were ready for. Especially on a first date.

Trusting your gut is something you’ve always had a hard time with.

Your date is named Nicolas, and though his profile seemed nice enough, he seems to have a problem with keeping his hands to himself.

Fingers found their way beneath the hem of your dress and inched far too high for your liking, several times.

Each time you denied his advances, he laughed as if it was a cute joke, and proceeded to do it again ten minutes later.

An hour and a half in, and it was taking everything in you not to slap him or cry.. or maybe even both.

The end of the date couldn’t come fast enough, and you were thankful you drove separately.

He walks you to your car, backing you against the drivers side and pressing his body to yours in a feeble attempt to seduce you. He seems to have no idea how repulsive you find him. 

Claiming to feel ill manages to get you away from him without making mouth-to-mouth contact. When you’re out of the parking lot, tears fall freely from your eyes.

Once you’re in the safety of your apartment, skin scrubbed raw in the shower and wrapped in your smoothest, softest robe, you make a silent pact with yourself that the only men you need in your life are Ben & Jerry.

They’d never treat you this way, they’d merely mend the holes in your heart with chocolate and caramel goodness.

What more could you need?

Your hand is shaking and your eyes are puffy and bloodshot when you finally bring up your chat app on the computer. The one you’d met Sarge on. 

You go to your account settings, finally ready to let go, to give up and deactivate your account.

You’d decided you were finally done.

Taking a few deep breaths, you bring the cursor of your mouse to rest over the DEACTIVATE button, fresh tears stinging the back of your eyes as you hesitate.

A silent prayer resounds in your mind as you let out one more shaky breath and prepare to finally click.

...but not before the familiar sound of a new IM comes through the speakers.

Your eyes are still closed from your moment of regaining composure, and you try to calm the erratic beating in your chest. It can’t be him. It can’t. Calm yourself.

When you open your eyes, tears flow over their edges and your jaw falls slack.

[Sarge1917]: Kitten…?

You’re convinced you’ve made this up, it’s some sort of hallucination. Moments ago, you silently told yourself that if it was meant to be, you’d be given some sort of sign, and now.. this? 

Was it coincidence? Or interference from the divine?

You’re too trapped in your own mind to even consider replying right away.

[Sarge1917]: Please still be with me…

His words ring back to memories of your last conversation and you find your emotions fighting a battle between relief, joy, and anger.

[SpaceKitten]: I’m here, I just.. I’m in shock. Is it really you?

[Sarge1917]: Please forgive me. I didn’t know my trip would be extended and I had no way to let you know.

[Sarge1917]: I thought about you every day I was gone.

The familiar feeling of butterflies in your lower belly resurfaces, though you try your best to fight it.

[Sarge1917]: Kitten? You there?

You weren’t sure how it was even possible, but more tears fill your eyes as you type. Your fingers hit the keys harshly, not even bothering to fix the typos as you go.

[SpaceKitten]: You were gone. For so fucking long.

[SpaceKitten]: I started losing hope after week ten, but held out for you for 22 weeks.

[SpaceKitten]: you have no idea what that was like for me, Sarge. Wondering why you didn’t come back, when you swore you would.

[SpaceKitten]: Do you remember your last words to me, Sarge?

[SpaceKitten]: you said “please don’t forget me”

[SpaceKitten]: and I told you it’d be hard to remember anything else

[Sarge1917]: Kitten, please, let me explain

You’re too far into your rant to stop, it’s coming out involuntarily at this point.

[SpaceKitten]: I went on a date for the first time in two years tonight. And I promised myself I wouldn’t self sabotage, just because I couldn’t get you out of my head.

[SpaceKitten]: The date turned out to be shit anyway, but I can’t decide if it’s because I set myself up for it, or if it’s because all men are handsy, sex crazed idiots.

[SpaceKitten]: And all I could think when I got home was, “I bet Sarge would never have done this to me”, even though I have nothing for comparison because we’ve been nothing but ghosts to each other for nearly a year.

[Sarge1917]: Kitten.. I’m so sorry.

You have to cease your keyboard attack momentarily to fetch a tissue and clean up your face.

[Sarge1917]: Do you want me to leave you alone?

The question makes you scoff and shake your head, though you’re well aware he can’t see you.

[SpaceKitten]: That is literally the last thing I want…

Your eyes scan over the words you’d sent minutes ago, and you realize that while you feel you were in the right, you might’ve been a little harsh. 

Guilt eats away at the lining of your stomach while you wait to see his reply.

[Sarge1917]: Can I call you..?

You’re stunned by the question. It was the first time such a thing had been brought up in all the time you’d been talking. You figured it was just because he was too anxious, or hated phone calls like so many people, including yourself.

[Sarge1917]: Hell, you can even call me. Block your number, I don’t care. I just want you to hear my voice when I say what I have to say. I need you to believe me, and if I can’t be there to say it to your face, this will have to do.

His next message contains an assortment of numbers, the ones you’d have to dial to finally accomplish something you’d only dreamed of for months. 

Hearing his voice.

[Sarge1917]: Sleep won’t come easy for me tonight, so take your time, Kitten. I’ll be here when you’re ready.

Your phone is sitting on the edge of your desk, the blank screen taunting you as you look down at it. All you had to do was pick it up, dial the 10 digit number, open your mouth and force words out.

It sounded a lot easier than it was going to be.

What if you forgot how to speak?

What if he didn’t answer?

What if he does turn out to be a 77 year old trucker?

What if he’s a total creep, like you’ve been worrying about the whole time?

Somehow, you find the pros outweighing the cons. Your hands move of their own accord and pick up your phone, typing in each number with intent. You could do this.

The line rings once, twice, three times, before someone finally answers.

The voice on the other end of the call is warm, deep, and sounds like honey. Your insides melt at the sound.

“Kitten?”

TAGS: (sorry if you dont like being tagged, its been so long since i’ve posted idk who to tag anymore lolol. @mindingmyownbusiness @plumfondler  @buckybarnesappreciationsociety @loricameback @tinaferraldo @geminimoonbeamx  @preserumsteverogers @moderapoppins @lowkeysebby @buckyshattergirl  @jayattemptstoruletheworld   @the-observant-fangirl @moondancewrites @moonbeambucky @trinityjadec  @stevieang  @bionic-buckyb @eyecandybarnes @propertyofpoeandbucky @promarvelfangirl @ballyhoobarnes @bucky-plums-barnes @cate-lynne @witchymarvelspacecase @imaginingbucky @theimpossibleg1rl @babygurl8840 @wonderlandmind4 @buckysthing @formulafun @curvybihufflepuff

#bucky #Bucky Barnes #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #wishing you were here.. #sometimes i write #sebspocketsquare #chatroom fic #series

[tfw-no-tennis]

huntoxhunto

we watched 2 whole more eps but we’re abt to vacay so i better recap this biz now before i forget

ok so we finished the zoldyck arc and uhhhh gotta say we werent expecting like any of that to happen lol 

ok ill back up so we start w/killuas mom (i dont think we ever heard her name) confronting gon & co....and canary (i lov her) is not dead which i assumed but thank goodness. 

zoldyck mom was totally using nen. also she is off her rocker gotta say. tho that visor is super cool, albeit confusing - is it connected to a bunch of security cameras or something? how does she see all that shit? 

granpa is wild. his tunic thing that says ‘one kill a day’ or w/e is kinda hilarious, it reminds me of the ‘apple a day keeps the dr away’ saying...a murder a day keeps the....idk away????

i love that killua makes it abundantly clear that he couldve like escaped at any time lol. also tho why didnt he just escape....baby boy just leave 

killua getting all serious and threatening milluki if he messes with gon....my boys got it BAD 

this family has so many communication issues hvbjadkfbjaskdfj nobody is on the same page at all 

the butler guy continued to remind me of kuro one piece this whole time...i was waiting for him to bust out the ridiculous cat claws

oh my GOD wait the flashbacks of EVEN BABIER KILLUA were so precious ;_; he was soooo tiny and cute oh my god. so precious. and canary was also so tiny and cute 

baby killua really just wanted a friend :(((( and canary wanted to be friends w/him but knew that mom zoldyck would kill her if she overstepped like that :( thats so tragic mannnn

also canary is so cool man. her beating up all those guys was epic

ok that whole scene with killua and his dad was like, such a rollercoaster lmao

like....it was all over the place for me...first of all the ambiance was wack, the room lighting was weird and im p sure killuas seat was an electric chair??? and the dad was in a coffin thing..???? like....interesting aesthetic choices all over the place here 

also i see now where killua got his hair and also his catboy tendencies. the zoldyck catboy genes seem to trace back to zoldyck dad, who has kinda scary cat eyes 

also im guessing that the dad is the blood zoldyck and the mom is the one who married in. they sure seem to put a lot of emphasis on like, family legacy or w/e, but the two parents certainty go abt it in different ways 

the whole convo b/w killua and his dad was wild, it totally didnt go where i was expecting it to. his dad was weirdly chill while also being super intense? 

killua happily telling stories abt gon was so sweet....baby boy baby 

and his dad telling him ‘never betray your friends’ was rlly interesting...i wonder what his reasons were for saying that 

cause then he tells killua he can leave, and killua does, but then dad zoldyck tells mom zoldyck (i rlly need to find out their names) that he thinks killua will come back on his own time....inch resting 

i wonder if dad zoldyck made killua promise that bc he was trying to set killua up for failure - as in, he tells killua to never betray his friends, thinking that killua inevitably will & be distraught abt it, and then turn back to the zoldyck family when this happens. idk

also its interesting to me that zoldyck dad wants killua to lead the family someday. like, illumi is right there, hes the oldest and clearly dedicated to being an evil assassin, and he seems p good at it...i wonder why killua is the favorite....the grandpa (i think) did say that killua is Special(tm) which...yes he is a special baby boy i love him. i wanna see more zoldyck family flashbacks/interactions so we can see what led them to this point 

oh lord that reminds me of illumi briefly appearing in the killua flashback and hes just like, suddenly there, wearing some gay ass sweater....like ok dude did you just come back from the Evil Assassin Library or st?????

that reminds me too, ruth tells me that apparently in the manga illumi and hisoka got married or something???? to which i say, thats fucking wild, but also it makes sense, those two are both horrible and disgusting and they absolutely deserve each other hbvajvhsdfjbak peak evil nasty gay rep, i love it. i cant wait to see whatever the fuck the context to that is bc, thats fucking wild

ok back to the plot so like its so wild to me how smoothly everything went hvubsjduhfbjsh like....killuas dad was rlly like ok u can leave and killua just went to the butler house and then canary woke up and was like ok gon & crew lets go to the butler house to see killua, fuck the rules, (and she didnt even get killed for ‘disobedience’ or w/e, or more likely - in most big shounen, she wouldve been attacked by the other evil butlers and gon wouldve had to fight them)

killua Rlly was like fuck this place im leaving my boyfriend and his parents are here to pick me up [puts on gayest outfit he owns and skateboards away] hvbhsjdfbjdkf

i love killuas weird gay preteen fashion so far and i cant wait to see more 

killua telling the butler guy to let him know as SOON as gon gets there cause he wants to see him AS SOON AS HE CAN ;_; bro they r....in love 

of course the butler is trickey tho lmao, any other shounen this wouldve turned into an 8 ep long fight scene sequence where gon has to fight the butlers in order to see killua 

and the of course gon is the same way, gon is like i need to see killua RIGHT NOW take me to him!!! ohhh my god babies

the whole coin game was wild, it was funny when the other butlers got involved too lmao 

when gon was like ‘hey leorio can i see your knife’ i was like OH NO I DONT LIKE WHERE THIS IS GOING. and i was right bc OWWWWW baby boy oh my god!!!! but that seems to have solved it even tho thats NOT how swelling works at ALL- 

anyways gon is a cute smart good boy and i also find it funny how killua eventually gets impatient and just busts in on this whole dramatic situation (and the tension immediately deescalates as a result lmao) 

tangent but god its so funny seeing all these butler guys deferring to killua, an actual 12 yr old....i wanna see the hilarious and hijink-filled results of killua being raised as a rich spoiled assassin prince. thats a lethal combo thats gotta result in some wildly skewed perceptions on how things work, especially paired with gon ‘probably eats dirt for fun and sleeps in trees’ freecess 

godddd gon and killuas lil reunion is SOOO cute they were so happy to see each other ;_; bro they are SO cuteeeee augh. two tiny babies

killua being like oh hi also uh kurapika andddd [looks at smudged writing on hand] lorpo 

hvhhbajfbs dont do my man leorio like that killua hes a hardworking father 

the fact that they just like. LEAVE...thats so wild. i cant believe how little fighting this arc had. this all wrapped up SO much faster than i could have ever anticipated lmao 

where the heck was alluka!? i assumed she’d show up here but uhhhh guess not......in the silhouette shot of all the zoldycks she and killua were holding hands ;_; my fucking uwus bro 

we also didnt see the grandma or great grandpa so im guessing theyll appear later 

gon being like fuck it im not using my hunters license til i punch hisoka in the fucking face hvbhahsfbjsk thats hilarious 

also a convenient way to let him have his hunters license but not utilize it til later in the story...its so early for him to have achieved that big chunk of his goal, which just shows that hxh is Not your typical shounen and isnt gonna just be centered around gons quest to become a hunter 

so we finally found out what hisoka said to kurapika....just as i thought, it was st to do w/the phantom troupe. so theres a handy setup for the yorknew city arc later. bam 

hisoka just being like ‘hey meet me in this (presumably) very large city on this date. no i will not tell you where in the city to meet me. bye seeya there’ 

tbf hisoka is very hard to miss 

god when they arrive and kurapika is just like ok well we got killua so im out lol bye everyone....bro hvbjkhgbfjhdksfhjk that felt so abrupt 

and then leorio was like oh yeah same i gotta go study time to take the fantasy MCAT or w/e

AND THEY BOTH LEFT....now gon and killua r chilling but im like oh my god no leorio kurapika come back, we need some (questionable) adult supervision over here 

and like immediately killua is like ok gon do you have money. and of Course gon doesnt have money. so killua is like well you need money and you need to train so you can deck hisoka, so lets go to a fantasy version of an underground fighting ring! this is why kurapika and leorio needed to stay 

tho they probably wouldve just gone along with it 

they did all promise to meet in yorknew city, but thats apparently like 6 months away. are gon and killua rlly gonna spend 6 months at heavens arena

the part where killua draws the diagram demonstrating how much of a n00b gon is....hvbajdkhfbhajskf

AND THEN when he drew himself into the diagram and was like :3c wow im so modest HBJHSKHDFHBJS that was so funny

it was like that post thats like ‘you can tell when a cats pupils change and they just shift into Silly Mode’ thats what killua looked like...catboy

so thats basically it i think, gon and killua are heading to heavens arena to join fight club or whatever. tournament arc time! 

PREDICTION CORNER: 

i doubt this is the last weve seen of the zoldyck family. i mean we havent even met 3 of them, and we barely saw the ones we did meet...idk when theyll come back but i suspect theyll be making some big money moves later on and fucking shit up somehow 

i think maybe illumi or someone will like, spy on killua sometimes to keep track of him. or theyll track him by other means

ill use the prediction corner to reflect on incorrect predictions so heres a few. i rlly thot killua was gonna be more edgy than he is but hes rlly just a good boy huh. like hes a gay baby assassin catboy but hes so cute and good too. he just wants to live his life and hang out with his tiny bf like... omg :’) 

also i thot hisoka held a totally different narrative role lbvahkfjhjjaksfl i thot he was like main villain guy....hes more like an annoying creepy clown dude who (probably) shows up a lot to bother the main cast. we’ll see, but thats what i think of him now

like i thought hisoka would be like p1 dio, where hed be/quickly become a powerful antagonist who would amass a bunch of followers/minions (when actually the only person he seems to hang out w/is illumi, and theyre more like equals than an evil guy/minion dynamic)...or like i thought hisoka would be very well known as a scary evil guy but nope he was just another participant in the hunter exam, albeit a weird freaky one whose rancid vibes everyone seemed to pick up on 

anyways actual predictions, i think hisoka is gonna be at heavens arena, which would be super funny. gon is like im gonna train to beat hisoka and he shows up to do that and hisokas just there like >;) hey

i think if i had to guess, the zoldycks will show up again (in a plot important way) at the end of the yorknew arc/before the greed island arc. i know basically nothing abt any of the arcs but i do know the order they go in so theres that

i do think illumi will show up earlier than the other zoldycks tho, since he seems to be out doing his own thing more than the rest. also we still really havent resolved the whole mind control thing that im still convinced of 

i think nen will finally be introduced/alluded to heavily in this arc...or like, characters will use nen and gon will be like whoa whats that 

i think killua knows what nen is...maybe? it would make sense since im sure all the zoldycks can use it (at least, we saw mom zoldyck use it, probably)

can killua use nen already? that would be pretty funny. i dont think so tho. maybe u learn nen at a certain age. i have no idea what nen is 

also isnt gons nen power the power to like, turn into a really buff version of himself or something. how the fuck does that work 

ok enough nonsense its bedtime zzzzz

#the rambling continues.... #lj watches hxh #hxh

[letstalksymphogear]

Symphogear, EP. 6

Last Time on Grand Theft Auto:

Tsubasa recovers from the world’s gayest coma as Hibiki trains her mind while putting aside such silly concepts as “the love of my life” and “literally being with my girlfriend.” After cooling Miku’s paranoia with her brand new washboard abs, Genjuro prepares the team for a pizza run across the city to deliver a dangerously hot pizza pie named Durandal. Chaos emerges as the delivery is intercepted by a rival pizza gang, lead by the nefarious Gremlin known as Yukine Chris. But, before the pizza could be claimed, dedicated pizza deliverywoman Hibiki not only steals it back, but eats it, harnessing the power of the pizza and unleashing cheesy pasta based chaos around the location.

Ryoko is so into it that she taps into her superpowers and protects Hibiki after she passes out. The delivery is considered a failure, and no tip is given.

And so, the journey continues...

Meanwhile, in this weird, tricked out mansion...

Chris meditates on some water metaphors of her own.

“that pacman colored freak took only touching it to activate a cheap ass french sword that gave her weird demon powers and its taken me YEARS to use this dumb stripper outfit and the funny cane that goes with it, what the FUCK man, what even is my life”

“maybe... maybe honeybaked hams ARE that powerful...”

“NO! turkey is the superior meat! it’s healthier, lower in fat, and way more tasty! fuck you! i’ll get my goddamned revenge!”

Chris begins musing about Fine’s motivations to capture Hibiki; during these, we’re treated to some brief image flashbacks of Chris’s life.

Suddenly, those jokes about food are a lot less funny.

It doesn’t take a genius to put two and two together as to why this young woman is helping a strange nudist dominatrix spread alien terror across the city of mumblednoises, Japan. She doesn’t really have many an option on the table. It’s either help the weird kinkster with her plans, or die.

Despite everything, she has a high opinion of Fine, for the same reasons someone might have a high opinion of a television show if it were the only show they were ever exposed to. She is deeply afraid of being alone again, because she has lived through such misery that the very thought of existing out in the cold again terrifies the shit out of her.

The Sun rises casually amidst Chris’s thoughts.

“ah shit. it just hit me. i literally have spent the entire night standing here instead of actually going the fuck to sleep. goddamnit.”

On such a devious metaphorical twist, Fine stands behind her as the Sun rises.

“yeah, jokes on you. i couldnt sleep for shit either. turns out, all nude, no blankets? in japan? real bad idea.”

“thats why i decided to GO GOTH, babey! whattaya think? do i give those witchy vibes, huh? real ‘black magic woman’ santana hours? feeling cute, gonna head out with the girls and summon satan in the woods kinda aesthetic looking shit? come on, be real with me. does this not look baller?”

“you look like morticia decided to go to the grocery store to buy some wonder bread, but other than that, its a step up from your usual pussy out attitude, so sure”

“you know i decided to get some brain cells on loan from Brain Cells R Us, and ive been thinking this solomon cane stuff is solomon lame. i dont need this dumb oversized harry potter cosplay prop to get shit done. also, murder is... sorta bad? im still trying to get the brain cell stuff down.”

“i can punch just as good as goody two shoes if not better.”

“lol go do it then champ, im gonna go cut down a forest of trees now”

And so, they both just kinda... stand there.

“QUACK, NEXT SCENE, QUACK”

Meanwhile, Tsubasa is rapidly trying to rehabilitate herself from her wounds like walking like a madman, her IV drip presumably filled with Taco Bell brand Doritos Locos Tacos super spicy nacho cheese. Taco Bell: Live Mas.

“im gonna clear every fucking taco bell in your goddamned memory, kanade”

“think outside the bun! wait, what? that was a taco bell slogan? ah fuck it, im dead. what nerd’s gonna try and correct me?”

“i would, kanade. i am that nerd.”

Tsubasa is hell bent to try and understand Kanade’s simple philosophy of helping others selflessly. Unfortunately, when Kanade died, she took all the brain cells between them in the process, so coming to this epiphany is a work in progress.

“listen its a fucking miracle you are 1. alive and 2. able to have your blood run on the garbage melted plastic taco bell tries to dupe people into believing is cheese so why dont you just lie down and think of better franchises to eat from”

“no! you dont understand! taco bell is a franchise of the PEOPLE! their meals are cheap and filling and- and the chicken quesadillas are of good quality for their price! i promised kanade- my vow to the death. taco bell... ergh... now and forever... i-”

“wait. my gay senses are tingling.”

It’s Hibiki, probably running track with Miku.

“oh yeah... her... i should probably apologize to her. about trying to kill her. and then letting her almost be kidnapped. and just giving her a general hard time about something that wasn’t explained to her in the slightest for months. she’s a good bean.”

Tsubasa proceeds to never canonically apologize to Hibiki throughout the entirety of all 4 seasons of Symphogear.

Look at em run. See, it’s a metaphor, because they haven’t communicated yet and they’re running from their problems! But they’re running towards Tsubasa, who is part of the representative problem these two share! Clearly literary genius.

It’s like someone went halfway into writing an NTR plotline and went “maybe this isn’t a good idea to market our songs on.”

Hibiki is still thinking about her Hellshake Yano moment with Durandal. Mainly how she nearly killed someone with it. Hibiki is very starkly in the “killing is bad, and wrong” camp of morality, a trait currently unique to her that she’ll wind up teaching literally everyone else she meets one way or another.

Some could argue the L stands for Lydian, and they’re wrong. It stands for Lesbian.

“that was one hell of a run, hibiki! im pooped! why dont we go to the locker room and call it a day, have a nice shower and just get some dinn-”

“this is the last straw.

i clean your plates. i cook your food. we eat, shit, shower, and sleep in the same FUCKING area, and this is how you repay me? huh? you think being your wife is easy shit, hibiki? half the damn time you’re running off like clark kent having food poisoning and the other half ive gotta babysit you, the emotional equivalent of a preteen clown, to make sure your life doesn’t self destruct harder than Atlantis sinking into the ocean. im done! i am DONE. im reopening my tinder, im slamming my ass BACK into okcupid, and im gonna date some CUTE ACADEMY GIRLS that treat me BETTER than this ABSOLUTE BETRAYAL OF HEART AND IM NOT CRYING I SWEAR ITS JUST THE SWEAT IN MY EYES AND HIBIKI HOW COULD YOU-”

“oh yeah, sure! hey, lemme just do a few more laps, ive just been feeling judgmental about myself and my figure, you know? gotta push myself further...”

“o-oh yeah, sure. no worries, ill wait for you. love you too, hibiki...”

The girls bathe together, as good friends typically do.

“hey you ever notice the showers here have like, weird psuedo-luxurious minipools to bathe in? like, how rich is this school?”

“whoever made this place is either rich or a pervert. or both, probably!”

Miku remarks that Hibiki has changed since she’s entered Lydian, in a manner most unheterosexual.

“oh FUCK you really DO have washboard abs now! ohhh my god.”

“damn, those abs were heavenly. let’s get pancakes later.”

I won’t screenshot it but something to note is that they actually wear each other’s corresponding underwear colors (or even, if you want to examine more closely, each other’s underwear). Here’s an equivalent scene to give you the mental image.

This is the face of someone who knows what they want and already have it. Such is the power of Kohinata Miku.

Meanwhile, Genjuro comes back from the funeral of the guy the Americans filled violently and with impunity.

“yo that all black look looks baller. i should borrow that look... id look pretty gothy in it.”

“ryoko i sympathize with your sharp, fashionista eye but this was for a funeral, i was paying my respects to the dead. thats the usual dress code.”

“didnt know they updated that. i remember back in my day, we just went in white garments and chanted in latin!”

“shit was fire. literally. lots of funeral pyres.”

“lmao ryoko buddy your larping sessions arent actual history”

“hey dont shit on larping around me. i used to be a professional larper while i was majoring in acting. helped really sell my career when i had to pretend to slay the Dark Lord Jyarloen atop the mountain of skulls in Hargobor after my family was killed by the Dark Army. asshole.”

“haha yeah, larping, thats cool yeah, i do that

i...

i larp.”

“oh yeah? you wanna join my larping session sometime then? we’re gonna do an ancient babylon plot thats inspired by some anime, itll be fun”

“.....................................im super into realism.”

“i know im dressed for a funeral but id like to not part ways with my dignity yet. besides, we’ve got serious shit to talk about. basically, we’re on the verge of getting shitcanned.”

As it turns out, the death of this politician removed the last obstacle of opposition to maintain the 2nd Division, as the average criticism against the 2nd Division is “why are we funding this mystery division when we don’t know what they do”. Of course, the sensible idea for an organization that defeats the Noise is to declassify it, given people of different jobs and positions have physically seen the Symphogear in action, but you know. “Oh no, the other governments will come after us” stick gets shaken.

“im in a union. i know my rights. you’re not taking my acting job here away from me.”

“im not going back to be a preschool teacher. its been ten year. the bites on my ankles still havent healed...”

“yeah man, shit sucks ass. i cant fund my adoption habits if im fired.”

Look at these cinematic parallels. Symphogear truly is a franchise made by someone living in 3030.

“worst part is the new minister is super into america. he’s a... westaboo.”

“a westaboo?”

“westaboo?”

“did he just unironically say westaboo”

“he said westaboo. oh my god. this is the hell timeline.”

“i mean people kept calling me that for worshipping all these fighting flicks so i guess it fit? i dont see the problem here”

Meanwhile, in Lydian Academy...

“so it hit me, right? we’re ALL girls. and we ALL sing. now, humor me a moment. what if... what if we’ve all been recruited to potentially be superheroes... through our singing? like, there’s no coincidence that all this shit happens around us, right? and a famous singer LIVES here? i saw the black cars outside! weird shit is happening here- im not even gonna eat the all you can eat bar anymore!”

“kathy there is literally no such thing as superheroes who sing. this place is more likely to be a organ harvesting op than whatever madness you’re saying”

“what? you need me, a singing superhero, to go stop a problem happening underneath the school, a location meant to recruit young women into potentially becoming fellow crime fighting singers?”

“yeah im too busy poppin’ caps in asses so go kick ass in my place”

“sure!”

“.....................................who ya talkin to, hibiki?”

“the boss! gotta go do a thing again...”

“hibiki, i dont like the fact that capitalism is tearing us apart.”

“you’ve gotta join me in the revolution, hibiki. you. me. luxury automated gay space communism. aint it the dream? share my vision, hibiki. its glorious.”

“n... no...? no gay space communism today? well, what about tomorrow? or the next day? or... maybe the next day? baby steps, you say? but, direction action, hibiki! we’ve gotta strike now!”

“it’s okay hibiki. when i take over the world and destroy all first world government leaders, and unite the globe in my encompassing reign and love... ill make sure to spare you, and be my bride to be.”

“thanks miku. im just not ready yet for the globe to burn in an unending ball of fire as the continents fuse into a new utopia composed of our combined wills. also, ive really gotta go, its genuinely an emergency.”

“for the cause!”

“yes hibiki... for the cause...”

Admittedly, you can see the stages of grief Miku goes through when she sees Hibiki say she can’t join her for pancakes. It’s sad. This side story sucks.

Meanwhile, as it turns out, the problem Hibiki needed to resolve was checking on Tsubasa to see if she hadn’t dissolved into Taco Bell brand hot n’ spicy Tabasco sauce.

“god, cant believe taco bell was closed. now i gotta deliver these lame ass flowers”

“cant wait to get threatened again. wonder what she’ll say. ‘hibiki, i should have killed you when i had the chance.’ or ‘you’re so goddamned weak. i could break your spine with my fingernail’, or some other stuff about metaphors. oh, my stops here”

“HEY BITCH WHATS GOOD-”

“HOLY SHIT”

“you are already”

“dead.”

#symphogear #recap #anime #comedy #sponsored by taco bell