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ssreeder · 1 year

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sreedie. it is time.

NO SOKKA baby people want to be your friend you just DONT LET THEM

pls sokka thinking he can gaslight himself out of being in pain is so in character but so. goddamn Frustrating

sokka is giving anna from frozen with his whole “my firebender’s awake so IM awake” deal

listen I get why sokka is like oh I should cut back on the swearing if I wanna Grow as a person but like,,, as an australian the concept of swearing being Bad is just so foreign to me lmao

I think it’s a really interesting component of the zukka relationship (highlighted by your traumatic drowning scene thx sreedie) that sokka’s instinct is to try to hide in/behind zuko??? like he’s obviously very protective of zuko too, but I think that in a way, even when sokka is on the offensive and is the person defensive zuko from the outside world he’s still using zuko as like, idfk a shield?? of sorts??? to deflect away his fear for himself and all that jazz… does that make any sense whatsoever????? idfk lads

STOP ik it’s a super serious moment but all I could think about when sokka was like “he had to do it for zuko” wAS THE FUCKING let me do it for you tiktok sound T-T

not aang talking like an actual certified therapist at 12 years of age omfg- wish I was that emotionally well adjusted fr

damn sokka really said #codependecy

FUCK PLEASE TELL SOKKA ABOUT YHE FUCKINF VEINS PLEASE SREEDIE IM STRESSED AS ALL HELL

F U C K

Y E S

finally ohmygod

katara: I can feel the toxins in zuko’s blood

iroh externally: oh?

iroh internally: whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuck

LMFAO zuko calling sokkatara momo while his body is actively trying to kill itself as a JOKE is the most zuko thing ever. the most comedic thing about this boy is his absolutely Disastrous timing (by which I mean it’s impeccable)

PRISON PALS I still love that moniker <3

noooo not zuko worrying about shen when we know damn well shen got kebabed >:(

can katara please tell sokka that zuko wants him by his side. like girl. please.

okay I really do Not want this to happen, nor do I think it actually Will happen bc uhm duh, but it would be like,, so ironic of zuko did just die. like they went through all that and for what LMAO (it’s not funny it’s Not Funny why am I giggling to myself)

FINALLY A MENTION IF THE MIRACULOUS TEETH KEEPING OF ZUKKA NATION

lmao sokka is worrying himself into a early grave bc he cares so much about zuko but he’s also 100% ready to immediately assume that zuko let him down by outing sokka as a liar (I mean he’s right, but still. harsh)

woah woah woah sokka calm your tits man, rasu might be sex on legs but your sister is only 14 and that’s just gross

SEE rasu my reasonable child <3 (he’s also so snarky I actually love him so. much.)

insane how fast sokka switches from “rasu >:(“ to “rasu :D” when he learns that rasu knows zuko lol

YOU CANT TAKE THE NERD OUT OF SOKKA BABYYY (same.)

“sipping the sauce” LMAO

uh yeah rasu I think jee has every right to be worried ngl

sokka is just out here exposing himself bc he’s JEALOUS I cannot anymore with this boy

“prince zuko is a character without trying to be one” yKW I JUST REALISED?? ZUKO HAS MAJOR MR BEAN ENERGY just more homocidal and uh,, traumatised

god thinking about jet’s amputation has me squeamish as FUCK

sokka rearranging his book stack so the sex book is in the middle is so relatable agsjekfpf it’s giving the same energy as getting a massage and hiding your underwear between the rest of your clothes after you get changed into the robe thing

not sokka being endeared by zuko’s love for the art of thievery <3 mood

SHIT FUCK QUON

DICKHEAD

OMG WAIT IS HE GONNA RECOGNISE SOKKA AS RHE BITXH THAT ZUKO KISSED PRIOR TO KIDNAPPING

damn. after all that and sokka just exposed himself. cant even blame it on zuko this time buddy.

you can always count on little sisters to put you back in your place (as the little sister can confirm)

woag.

not the angst train going past us like choo choo motherfuckers.

I am not going to bag katara in any way, shape, or form for pretending to be sokka to get information out of zuko bc I would’ve so done the same thing with like,, zero hesitation. maybe I’m just a lying liar who lies though so idk

anyways: screaming, crying, destroying your living room and smashing all your lightbulbs.

I’m so mad that there’s no zukka reunion BUT !! you did give us a library which I was SUPER not expecting but enthralled by nonetheless so ig I’ll have to forgive you

ANYWAYS hope life has retired from kicking you around bc that’s my job and I’m the only one allowed to make you suffer >:(

also I just reread my last comment and realised I already said I’d smash all your lightbulbs so ig this is just a trend now. have fun living in medieval times forever ex-lover <3

Oh shit that’s so true, Sokka is very Anna and Zuko is very Elsa haha. (Odd how that happened lol)

Soooo I do think Sokka depends on Zuko WAY too much, emotionally physically mentally - but if that’s all he has to keep him waking up in the morning who am I to stop him. (But building up his own physical strength, dealing with his own issues instead of just focusing on zukos trauma, and allowing other people in his life to get close to him and then help him would be GREAT ;))

Sokkatara is now canon I’m obsessed with the nickname leekie beloved your brain is too big.

Rasu was like “oh no this kids crazy” & then Sokka said “tell me about Zuko” and rasu twirls his hair and giggles “SURE” & that’s how friends are formed. Take notes.

Katara & Sokka just need to get into one big “getting along shirt” and call it a day… but I kind of think Sokka would try to claw his way out… so yeah we don’t do that.

Lies are being exposed and Sokka has ZERO ground to keep standing on so he better accept the help or he is really going to drown. Ha.

LEEKI STOP SMASHING MY LIGHTBULBS I GOT TWO FLASHLIGHTS AND I CANT DEAL WITH IT ANYMORE.

Alright ex love I will see you soon!! :) <3

#but not actually #I won’t be SEEING YOU #but I’ll be arounndddddd #I was going to post the next chapter this weekend #then it was Eid #& my beautiful beta was raging #like a badass #& in the meantime I rewrote like #… two POVs #so yeah I kind of went backwards haha #probably next weekend #unless soemthing incredible happens #which I’ll keep ya posted <3 #LOVE YOU LEEKIE!!!#leekie tag #liab #ITF #ask

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funkylittledemon · 26 days

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autism and emotions is so.... well it fucking sucks is what it is. i need my mind to slow down for a second to get all these thoughts down bc i will explode if i dont get them out there (hence why this post - only bee is gonna see this & knows me enough to be worried for more than an hour or so and if i put this where nobody can see it aint actually out there) (wassup bee dw i am okay)

anyway

i say that life is just getting to me rn and it is but thats too vague a statement. current affairs (an impartial term but a useful one here) are getting to me - I'm trying to navigate adulthood while it feels like the life i was promised is being taken away by whatever event you want to pick; global warming, late-stage capitalism, multiple genocides, the list goes on. and I'm one of the lucky ones!! how fucked up is that! so there's that constant stress hanging above my head.

then there's more abstract life: navigating uni and living alone and looking after myself while forming relationships and starting to try carve a path for myself. this one isn't as bad but still can't be ignored and the fact that interpersonal relationships have become so scrutinised through social media doesn't help. no matter the insecurity you have or your own specific factors there will be someone online telling you your worst fears are right - i cant say how many times ive scrolled past a reel saying that i havent had a message back because "he" doesn't care. does the person saying this even know I've seen it, let alone who i am or who "he" is? No!! but the sentiment sticks with you despite only seeing it for 3 seconds before scrolling on, despite logically knowing it can't apply to me because its a catch-all statement to everyone who feels insecure pushed onto us by an algorithm that thinks we want to hear that. social media is feeding into our fears and insecurities and we can't stop it. as an autistic person whos insecure as fuck and who knows they dont understand a lot of societal cues being told by some random person that im right to be insecure really doesn't help - i get the idea of something stuck in my head and bc i know its bs i try get it out which cements it further into my mind and lends it credence.

then there's uni itself - i am now faced with the realisation that everything leading me up to uni and my course has been about me helping other people, often to my own detriment. i chose a counselling course because i was always the therapist friend, the one who everyone else went to for help. and wouldn't you know it I've been burnt out for years and literally don't have it in me to help strangers, or give a shit about their lives. i cared so much and made my entire life about helping other people that i had no idea what i wanted to do. im switching to just psychology now, because it is interesting and i do enjoy it but im kind of lost now i dont have that purpose. it also scares me just how much of my life hadn't been about me at all and im still not sure who i am if im not helping someone. obviously thats the dramatic version but you get the gist. uni's been a wakeup call i wasn't prepared for and theres the work and exams on top of that

christ this is long. okay. what else was there. emotions. god i hate emotions. this is the hard bit. all my emotions are so so big and i am so so small and it feels like they would devour me whole if they could. anxiety is a big one. recently pretty much all ive been feeling is anxiety - a deep anxiety that makes me nauseous pretty much 24/7. last week on friday i had what i call a breakdown. i still dont understand it (which is scary enough - every other breakdown i can disect and point to the cause). i just sarted screaming in the middle of the street and couldn't stop and its making me anxious just typing this up. then there was a day of panic attack after panic attack (lost count after the 4th i think) and then a few days later and some bad decisions (booze. ik i shouldn't have drank but i thought i was ok to drink) i had another breakdown. i dont remember much of this one but it ended in me being locked out and sobbing - security had to let me in and it must've been bad bc the guy gave me a card with hotlines on it. (again, i am okay). i lost my leather jacket that night which both sucks bc i loved that jacket and also the fact that it's gone is a constant reminder of something im ashamed of. after that it was just this constant nauseating anxiety, occasionally spiralling into something more but not significant enough to include. the thing about me and emotions is that my strategy for dealing with them is to ignore and repress them until they're not my problem anymore. which is bad. but idk how to cope with them healthily and when i feel okay i never know if its because i repressed them again or because i genuinely feel okay. being around other people helps but thats probably not a great thing - i hide my emotions from other people to avoid being a burden. not that its always a bad thing that my friends make me feel better its just not a sustainable approach to constantly avoid being alone. i have this constant struggle of feeling emotions so intensely then feeling shame because of how intensely i felt those emotions or how they made me act.

going on from emotions fucking me over and moving on from Life being an issue anxiety is a fucking bitch. all my life I've felt like an outsider and so constantly nervous about everything. it was hell and then in 6th form i made friends who were so so confident and i finally started to relax a little bit more and not feel bad about taking up space. uni was even better! i had flatmates i loved and i was going out doing things I'd never dreamed of and i was making friends!! i barely recognised myself and i loved it!! then the breakdown happened and i was plunged headfirst back into the old cycle of anxiety and going back to that after feeling what life could be like? that was worse than the breakdown. it feels like ive never felt worse and the knowledge that theres no reason for it, that nothing had actually changed other than me and i could still be out there with confidence but i wasn't was such a crushing feeling it felt like i was never gonna feel okay again. dramatic i know but the truth.

im home for easter break now and typing this out has helped and going back to my old stomping grounds has shown me i have still changed and i do still have the confidence even if i couldn't access it for a hot min. I'm still anxious but thats okay. my emotions don't have an all poweful spell over me and anxiety can suck my dick. there's still the fear that I'll go back to uni and it'll all come rushing back however im just gonna see how this break goes. im gonna be alone whether i like it or not while im down here and if i can manage to be okay with that then I'll be fine. and i do have a support system both here and up at university.

#life updates with fish #vent post #ig #honestly i might not be okay but that's alright. i dont have to be okay and i don't have to be ashamed #im doing better than i was though #but every time i type that the anxiety returns so probably not actually its just more managable #long post #fuck me this was longer than i thought it was gonna be #oops oh well

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free-pool-trash · 3 years

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happiness - peter maximoff

yay a new peter fic <3 i was feeling a little unmotivated for a few days (since our boy wasn’t in episode 8 at all :/) but im back 😎 although im back in school so i might be on and off for a while 😩✋🏻

!!!it’s not a songfic those lyrics at the start are just my inspo!!!

word count: 5k <3 😳

warnings: maybe swearing but i dont think so i cant remember, peter being sad, angst, but mostly fluff, WandaVision spoilers maybe??? I pretty much made up this plot so idk, endgame spoilers, reader was an avenger, kissing but it’s not graphic😽 probably some mistakes yk how it is

feedback is appreciated <3

tagging: @enchantedcruelsummer (should i make a peter maximoff taglist? let me know and I’ll do it)

masterlist

haunted by the look in my eyes that would’ve loved you for a lifetime

leave it all behind

& there is happiness

Loneliness had always been something that plagued him. That and a plethora of other negative emotions.

There wasn’t a day that went by where Peter Maximoff wasn’t made to feel like a loser. Admittedly, he’d never held himself to a high standard, he grew up thinking that he’d never fit in anywhere and eventually that thought mutated into a lifestyle as he began isolating himself from the world around him, either far too good or heartbreakingly not enough to be a part of that crowd.

He liked spending time with himself. Nobody else knew him the way he knew him, and still, he found nothing but an overwhelming hollow space where his deepest most important hopes, aspirations, dreams and self discoveries should have resided.

Peter had always put this feeling of exile down to the fact that he was a mutant, it was the most likely explanation, right?

It was only when he’d decided to join the X-Men that he finally came to the conclusion that maybe the rest of the world wasn’t the problem, nor was his mutation the problem, but that he himself was the problem. For even in a school full of people exactly like him he was still the same loser that he was in his mother’s basement.

And he was under no illusions that that was exactly what his teammates saw in him; nothing. No potential. Just a space holder to bring the numbers up.

Super speed was incredible. That’s how Peter acknowledged jobs well done, he praised his speed but never himself. He just saved Charles and Erik from a room full of armed guards? No that wasn’t him, that was simply his speed. He saved an entire mansion full of people from a potentially fatal explosion? Nothing special, Kurt probably could’ve done the same.

Forget all of the good deeds and saved lives because the bottom line of it all, to him at least, was that all he was good for was cheeky one liners and hopeless kleptomania.

His life took a turn for the worse when he found himself being mind controlled in an alternate universe. And even then, he was playing the part of someone that wasn’t him, the thought humbled him, reconnected him to his roots and reintroduced him to his life long philosophy that he’d never be anything more than a social pariah. Not even an alternate reality could accept him for who he was. There wasn’t a warm welcome and despite not knowing what was going on, the definition of “imposter” or the weirder, “recast”, still shot to kill.

He settled on the notion that he was an inter dimensional waste of space. At least in WestView he could be blissfully ignorant, let the real him be drowned mercilessly in favour of being an integral part of someone’s life- to feel important, even if it wasn’t real.

When WestView fell apart he was completely lost. In every sense of the word. In a new world with no way home and as it turned out, nobody was looking for him. Although he didn’t expect anyone to care, it still stung that nobody did. He always hoped that one day Erik would step up as a father figure for him, this; getting kidnapped and smuggled into a different dimension, seemed like the perfect moment for that epic father son moment, but it wouldn’t surprise Peter if his father has yet to notice his disappearance.

But then, seemingly out of nowhere, he came into contact with a beacon of hope. A guiding star that might possibly lead him to an existence consisting of something other than misery and self loathing.

It offered him a choice; return to being the self proclaimed loser he was known as or start fresh as someone new and mysterious, with first impressions yet to be made and conclusions about him yet to be drawn. Peter had known himself to be rash in the past, when it came to making decisions he had the tendency to act impulsively, never putting too much thought into how his decisions would affect his life in the long term. The choice before him now is no different, he knew exactly what he wanted going forward, however selfish the choice may have been, the second he realised it was an option his heart was set on it.

That previously mentioned beacon of hope arrived to him in the form of a girl, in the form of you. An ex-avenger and close friend of Wanda’s, you were hired by S.W.O.R.D to help them clean up the more ‘sensitive’ fallout that the fall of WestView brought about. Obviously, they were sticking you- the only other avenger with magik- on babysitting and rehabilitation rather than letting you go after your best friend who had gone completely off the rails. Having said that though, you didn’t want anyone else handling him.

You hadn’t watched WandaVision, nor were you even aware that any of it was going on until it had reached a boiling point and you got a call from Monica Rambeau, she’d begged you to come and wait on the edge of town while she went in and act as her eyes on the outside along with Jimmy Woo.

That’s where you stayed until the hex broke down.

As soon as the barrier came down the base you manned was overrun by an armada of terribly confused and distressed citizens, Monica and Wanda were not among them but in their places stumbled in Darcy and the man playing the role of Pietro.

Jimmy appointed himself to Darcy, who in all honesty seemed relatively unscathed by the situation while you made a beeline for the dirty blonde charading as your former, dead teammate.

Peter was, to put it simply, completely enthralled by you as soon as you’d strolled over to him and in the moment he’d put his almost magnetic attraction to you down to the fact that you were the first friendly face he’d seen upon breaking free of Agatha’s possession.

But one thing in particular struck him; you’d asked him his name. You hadn’t immediately assumed him to be some knock off Pietro, as everyone else had. You acknowledged that he had his own personal identity and despite how often he caught himself hating the person he was, he found that when it was torn away from him that he wanted it back. The simple question you posed gave him the opportunity to regain his identity.

“Peter. My name is Peter.” He answered you, almost unsure of himself and you found your interest in the man piqued even further.

He remembered with perfect clarity the way you’d offered him a grin, tilted your hand, extended your hand and said, “Well it’s nice to meet you, Peter. Come on, I’ll be your babysitter for the next while.” There was something about the way you’d laughed after saying the words and the slight, yet unmistakable, glint of mischief in your eyes that had him captivated from the get go.

With you came a whirlwind of new emotions. After only a few weeks of knowing you, Peter noticed he wasn’t as lonely as he had been back home. He didn’t hate himself half as much either, he wasn’t entirely free of self deprovative tendencies and maybe he never would be, but undoubtedly, he likes himself more in this world than he ever had in his last. He thanked you and your determination to make him “a functioning member of society” for that.

It didn’t feel belittling, the way you helped him. You hadn’t dragged him to your favourite mall every weekend just to taunt him about how he couldn’t stop himself from stealing something. Even the very first time, when he’d sped away from you and returned within a second adoring a pair of freshly stolen sunglasses. Your only reaction had been to laugh and casually place your hands on both sides of his face.

“At least remember to take the tag off next time, speedy.” You’d muttered, subtly pulling the tacky stickers off the arms of his shades. No, you weren’t dragging him sight seeing or forcing him to help you go clothes shopping because you thought he was a loser who needed reforming you were doing it because you were a true friend who wanted him to succeed.

The pair of you seemed like two peas in a pod. Which to be fair, you were. Peter Maximoff intrigued you in every sense of the word. He was new, quite literally other worldly, he was kind, he was funny, he was perfectly mischievous and completely wonderful.

What caught your eye the most was the way he held himself, as if he wasn’t entirely comfortable in his own skin. It became apparent to you that he lacked confidence with the phrases he usually tacked onto the ends of his sentences. When you’d invite him to hang out in the beginning his response would always be something along the lines of, “Sure. If you want me to.” But the excitable puppy dog eyes told you that he was dying for someone to want him to tag along some place.

There was a certain understanding between you. You were both more than accustomed with the harrowing feeling of being alone and even though you’d never exactly voiced those thoughts with each other, you couldn’t deny that his was a spirit kindred to your own and he felt it too.

Since the Avengers has disbanded, one of your best friends, Natasha, was dead and your other best friend, Wanda, was gone completely off the rails and the people chasing her wouldn’t let you anywhere near her or even attempt to help pull her out of her darkness. You were being kept as a wildcard in case they needed her taken down. Peter was no stranger to the feeling of being cast aside and so he quickly responded to your frustrations, and in doing so, forced himself out of his comfort zone to be there for you. To his complete shock though, you’d been so appreciative of his efforts.

You never failed to thank him for the little things he did for you, always complimenting his mutation when he’d use it and giving him the recognition he never received at home. The friendship he formed with you was so… two sided, again, something he wasn’t accustomed to before. It didn’t involve him giving everything he had to offer and receiving nothing in return, you matched his energy meticulously and never left him hanging.

In a series of firsts, he didn’t wonder whether or not you genuinely liked him, never feeling the need or want to question it as you’d left him with no reason to doubt.

As he walked around the mall with you now, his mind brought his attention back to the question you’d asked him rather casually a few nights ago. You were both lounging on your couch, watching some ridiculous reality show (a favourite of yours and Peter’s) when you’d turned your head to look at him, a thoughtful look on your face. “Do you think when S.W.O.R.D figures the technology out to crack into other realities, you’ll go back to yours?”

The question had taken him aback for a second, in all honesty, he hadn’t thought about going home, not when he was with you at least and considering he’d become your roommate about three weeks after he got out of WestView, the thought of returning to his old life had barely crossed his mind.

Being an ex-Avenger you were fairly well off, you lived alone in a two bedroom apartment in New York that you’d bought to be closer to Stark tower. Peter had nowhere to go and aside from having a spare room to offer you’d also been sort of lost in the current of the busy city with everyone you once loved in the area either dead, on the run or busy elsewhere.

While the question hadn’t crossed Peter’s mind, it had crossed yours on several occasions. He’d been staying with you for six months and the moment you realised that he was becoming one of the most important people in your life, the thought of him leaving you too weighed on your mind but at the end of the day you wanted him to feel happy. He deserved to feel happy and if going back to his reality brought him that happiness then you’d support him.

“Dunno,” he’d replied, turning to face you, chucking a handful of popcorn at you when you looked incredulous at his response, “To be honest I haven’t really thought about it, m’way too busy babysitting you anyway.” He joked, effortlessly dodging the few pieces of popcorn you attempted to throw at him.

For the last few nights, the question haunted him, but it wasn’t just the question that was bothering him. You were at the forefront of his mind as he replayed the past six months of his life which also happened to be the best six months of his life. WestView put him through hell but coming out the other side of it and meeting you felt like heaven.

He weighed up the pros and cons of returning to his native timeline. The cons: he’d have to leave you behind, he’d go back to being the loser who nobody took seriously, his talents would be downplayed and disregarded and he’d inevitably end up revisiting his lifestyle of solitude. Then there was the pros: he’d get to reunite with his pac man machine. He couldn’t manage to think up anything else.

If he stayed he’d have everything he ever wanted and needed. You’d be there and he knew you always would be, besides he couldn’t leave you knowing that you needed him. If he left who would wake you up when you had night terrors about the catastrophe that your reality was still recovering from? There would be nobody there to comfort you when you woke up from the nightmares, reliving the deaths of Natasha, Tony or Vision and the experience of being snapped out of existence? If he wasn’t there to make you laugh when you were about to cry then who would be? In his heart of hearts he knew you had a huge support system at your disposal, he’d met most of them. Even though he was well aware that Sam visited you as often as he could, that Bucky wrote you letters on a monthly basis and sometimes tagged along with Sam on his visits, that Stephen Strange appeared in your apartment whenever the urge struck him, that the literal god of thunder invited you out for beer whenever he was visiting Earth, that the little spider-kid, also named Peter, swung by your apartment at least once a week to tell you all about school and his good deeds. Despite knowing all of this and knowing all of these people loved you dearly, Peter wanted to be your main source of support, he didn’t want to be someone who came and went, who’d love you then leave you. He wanted to be with you through anything and everything and the feeling that you’d love him for a lifetime had him satisfied with the decision he was about to make.

If leaving his old life meant he could stay here, with you, and experience happiness for more than a fleeting moment then he’d simply; leave it all behind.

“I’ve been thinking about what you asked me the other night.” He spoke through a mouthful of curly fries. You were sitting in the food court of the mall when he decided to let you in on his desire to stay with you indefinitely.

You raised your eyebrow, “You? Putting thought into an answer? Peter, I think I’m starting to become a bad influence on you.” You told him teasingly, taking a long sip of your drink as he rolled his eyes humorously.

“You’re a terrible influence which is exactly why I’ve decided to stay here and put you on the straight and narrow.” The glee you felt at his statement was undeniable, your eyes lit up and your lips curled upwards.

“You’re staying? Really staying?” Your smile was contagious, Peter’s face now painted with a wide grin as he nodded his head.

In a moment of weakness he frantically added, “Y’know only if you want me to though. If you don’t that’s completely cool.” He rushed through the words, feeling more embarrassed when the fond look on your face never faded.

“Of course I want you to stay. You mean a lot to me.” You reassured him, a gentle smile on your lips as you reached across the metal table, intertwining your fingers with his.

Peter squeezed your hand gratefully, holding it in his grasp securely and allowing his smile to return to his face, “I know. You mean a lot to me too.” It was somewhat of an understatement, he was starting to understand that you didn’t just mean a lot, but that you meant everything.

His resolution lifted a huge weight off your shoulders that you wouldn’t be losing yet another best friend. You were glad he’d be with you when everything blew over with Wanda, the two of them definitely had the potential to develop a beautiful sibling relationship and they both deserved that. Of course, Peter would never replace Pietro and having known them both it was obvious just how different the two men were, the only thing they had in common being their powers and last name. Still, he and Wanda would still be able to work on it. He didn’t hate her after WestView and you knew Wanda well enough to know that she was kind hearted and she’d be more than willing to give him a chance. When she eventually comes back to her senses, that it.

As the months went on, life with you and Peter seemed to only get better. You never stopped laughing, your nightmares died down and Peter had taken on a whole new lease of life. Yourself and Peter were the perfect example of meeting the right person at the right time, you balanced each other out and accentuated the other’s good qualities.

Peter could now say with complete confidence that he was happy and what’s more is that he was finally sure that he was making someone happy.

Up until nearly eleven months of living together your relationship had been purely platonic, save for the constant flirting but flirtation pretty much ran in yours and Peter’s blood. Peter wasn’t going to lie to himself, he’d fallen for you the second you’d peeled the security tags off his stolen sunglasses.

You, on the other hand, had been fighting with yourself because yes, you love Peter but you couldn’t have told him when there was the possibility he’d eventually leave and now so much time has passed and you’ve got such a good thing going you didn’t have it in you to ruin it.

However, all of that changed when your original Maximoff best friend came knocking on your door.

Wanda was on the run. She’d caused an amazing amount of chaos but Stephen Strange and S.W.O.R.D were hot on her trail and now she needed a place to lay low with the twins. She figured there was no place more reliable to go than to the always open arms of her best friend, who conveniently had a divinity for earth magik and could muster up a protective barrier without raising suspicions. And that’s exactly where she found herself; outside your door.

You’d been chasing Peter around the apartment when you heard the knock on the door. Peter was on the opposite end of the kitchen to you, using the bar as a shield from you. “You better get that.”

“Oh you’d like that wouldn’t you?” You glared as you spoke, it was his own fault really. What sort of idiot jumpscares a witch while she’s mid-meditation? He’d frightened you so badly you accidentally blasted a ball of your signature green energy and ruined your favourite couch throw pillow. When you were ready to pounce on the scared speedster the knocks sounded again, more frantic this time.

With one last glare towards Peter you stomped towards the door. Your anger melted away completely when you saw her. Her hood was up and she looked completely exhausted, two small hooded little boys by her side.

“Wanda…” You breathed out, relief flooding your system at the sight of her alive. She didn’t get a chance to speak before your arms were pulling her against you tightly, hugging her as if your life depended on it. Wanda returned in your embrace, allowing herself to relax for the first time in nearly a year, she sniffled against your shoulder, holding back tears as she realised how much she’d truly missed you.

Billy and Tommy watched in confusion as their mother cried into your shoulder. They didn’t know who you were, all their mother had told them was that they were going somewhere safe.

It was the yell of one of the boys that caused you and Wanda to separate, “Uncle P!” With that you felt a familiar rush of air across your leg but instead of Peter appearing one of the kids was gone.

You shared a perplexed look with Wanda, although your confusion was for different reasons.

“Hey hell raisers!” Peter responded, catching the mini speedster who all but threw himself at him barely regaining his balance before the other child had flung himself into the hug.

“Wanda? Those two… are they...?” You started, at a loss for words Wanda cut you off quietly, her tone as disbelieving as yours.

“My children? Yes. Is that…?” You nodded your head numbly, anticipating the end of her question.

“Your fake brother? Yeah.” Quickly, you realised you and a wanted woman catching up with the door wide open wasn’t ideal and you ushered Wanda inside, shutting the door when she walked in.

“Hey.” Peter greeted her simply, as if he hadn’t been used as a meat puppet in her altered reality. It wasn’t in his nature to hold any grudges.

“Hi?” Wanda replied, her voice still twinged with confusion.

“Peter, will you keep an eye on the kids for a bit? Wanda and I have some catching up to do.” You asked him with a nervous laugh, just thankful that Wanda was too tired to argue with your suggestion.

Peter ruffled the boys’ hair and gave you a grin, “Only if you stop trying to kill me.”

You rolled your eyes as you began to lead Wanda into your bedroom, “You’re on probation, jerk.” You called over your shoulder.

Once you were securely in your bedroom, the door locked and sitting comfortably you fixed Wanda with an amused look, “I’d ask you what’s new but I’m not sure I even wanna know.”

Wanda gave you a sad smile while she shook her head, “No, you probably don’t. I will tell you tomorrow, I don’t want to get into it tonight. I’m so tired.” She admitted, her voice overcome with sadness.

“I’ll pump up the air mattress and you and the boys can sleep in here for however long you need. I’d offer you the spare room but that’s where Peter’s been staying and I don’t think empty food containers are the kind of decor you’d be into.” Wanda nodded, squeezing your hand gratefully.

“So his name is Peter?” She asked, curious about the man Agatha had used to trick her in WestView.

You nodded in confirmation, “Yeah. Peter Maximoff, actually.”

Wanda’s brows came to a furrow at that, “Maximoff? So he’s a relation?”

“Yes and no. Peter is from a different reality but he’s still a Maximoff and he’s got super speed. So, and this is just my theory, while you’re not directly related he could still be your brother- if you wanted him to.” You explained, as gently as you could, not trying to push her too far but to nudge the idea in her direction.

Wanda, to your surprise, didn't seem to hate the suggestion, “What is he like?”

A genuine smile made it onto your face then, as you shot into your description of your roommate, “He’s caring, funny, a little bit of a kleptomaniac but he’s working on it. He’s understanding and moronically selfless, moronic in the sense that he doesn’t even realise he’s being selfless. Huge pain in the ass too.” Wanda had a soft smile on her face by the time you’d finished.

“You like him.” Was all she said and you let out a laugh in disbelief, standing up and opening the door.

“Go grab a shower. I’ll have Peter blow up the air mattress while I go introduce myself to my god sons.”

“I thought you’d at least wait until I actually asked you.” Wanda laughed as you walked out of the room.

Things moved fairly quickly after that. As promised you introduced yourself to Billy and Tommy as their god mother, which they seemed more than thrilled about and you assumed that excitement had to do with whatever description of you Peter had given them. Wanda and the twins were all cleaned and fed and had all but collapsed into bed, foregoing the air mattress and huddling together in your double bed instead.

“Where are you sleeping, mother Teresa?” Peter teased as he noticed your eyes drooping where you stood.

“On the couch probably. Or the air mattress.” You mumbled, cutting yourself off with a yawn.

Peter, unimpressed with your options, scoffed, “No way. Come on, you can bunk with me.”

Much like Wanda, you were too tired to argue and you let Peter pull you to his, surprisingly clean, room by the hand.

You both crawled into the bed, lying close together despite the amount of empty space on the mattress.

“How are you feeling about all of this?” Your soft voice broke through the silence and Peter turned his head to look at you.

“About Wanda?” You nodded your head, watching him intently as he rolled onto his side, facing you more comfortably.

Peter shrugged lightly, “I’m feeling ok. Just glad the twins still see me as their cool uncle.” You let out a small laugh at his response.

“Wanda was asking about you. Seemed interested in getting to know the real you.” You informed him, your heartwarming as you watched a hopeful look fall across his face.

A lull settled over the room once again and Peter caught himself staring at you. His eyes drifted over every visible part of you, reminding him of most of the points on his pros list for staying in your universe; your eyes, your lashes, your nose, your lips, you.

“What’re you thinking about?” The sound of your tired voice pulled him out of his thoughts and ultimately pushed him to bite the bullet and tell you how he’s feeling. With you curled up beside him, in his bed, fighting sleep just to stay in his company for as long as you could; he knew there would be no better time.

“Just about how happy I am to be here with you.” He answered you honestly, the butterflies in both of your stomachs fluttering in sync at his words.

You trailed a hand under the duvet and onto the bedsheets between your bodies, feeling around until you found his hand and gently intertwined your fingers. “I’m happy you decided to stay.”

“What you’ve all gone through in this timeline sucks- don’t get me wrong-“ Peter started sincerely, scooting closer to you and dropping his head back down on the edge of your pillow, leaving the pair of you practically nose to nose as he went on.

“And I hate that Wanda had to go through so much… but I’m really glad that it led me to you.” Peter swore in that moment, right after the confession left his mouth, that he could die right now and be completely content knowing that you now knew how he felt.

His heart stopped, and he thought that maybe he was about to die, when you gave him the softest, sweetest smile he’d ever been on the receiving end of and whispered, “I feel the same.”

Time moved in slow motion as he felt you moving your intertwined hands towards your lips, your lips pressed gently against the back of Peter’s hand before you brought them to rest against your chest.

It was a fact to say that Peter Maximoff had never felt intimacy quite like this before. But, experiencing it now, with you, led him to wonder how he’d ever survived without it. He wasn’t sure whether it was natural to crave more, especially when the affection you were showing him was so gentle, but he didn’t care as he let the impulsive side of him take over.

Not sparing another word, Peter closed the small distance between your lips and his. His free hand cupped your jaw while yours wasted no time in getting tangled in his silver hair.

His lips moved softly and surprisingly slowly over yours and he savoured the feeling of your hand holding his while your other got lost in his hair, your body pressed up against him, the way your jaw moved against his palm as you reciprocated the movement of his lips and the taste of your lips, promising himself he’d never let the memory slip from his mind for as long as he lived.

With complete clarity, Peter could say he had felt true, genuine happiness and he had no doubt in his mind that there was absolutely nothing Charles, Hank, Scott or anyone else from his original timeline could say to make him leave this happiness behind. Because in the process of forgetting his old life, he couldn’t deny that he has undoubtedly found himself in the position of a man who had so much more to live for.

#peter maximoff #peter maximoff x reader #peter maximoff imagine #wanda maximoff x reader #wandavision x reader #wandavision spoilers #x men x reader #avengers x reader #marvel x reader #mcu #pietro maximoff #pietro maximoff x reader

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stopeatingwhales · 3 years

Text

pregnant x damon albarn

MORE DILF DAMON. this made me want to slowly die I cant it was so cute to write

Pairing: 2014 damon albarn x reader

Warnings: none :D

Word count: 1.341

Requested by anon <3

༉‧₊˚✧

The world around me seemed as if it was spinning at a pace more sporadic than lightwaves as I attempted to focus my gaze on the two faint red lines, which had begun to illustrate themselves on the plastic stick, increasing it’s coloured prominence after each second had passed. Those same two lines, coincidentally, provided me the answer to all the dilemmas that had been enthralled and cultivated over the past week: the consistent queasy feeling that encompassed my limbs every moment I tried to fix my body in a standing position, my guts instantly being triggered by the sudden movement that I would go and throw up - said to be morning sickness, the irritable craving for any little thing that cropped up into my brain for less than the sum of a minute, resulting in me forcing my boyfriend to journey to the corner store, purchasing the specific one that I had wanted, otherwise I would’ve gotten all fussy and made him return back to get it; as well as the horrible mood swings that would occur, provoked by the sudden increase in hormone levels displacing my demeanour constantly, remaining me a mopey mess… It was simply a fever, a cold, a horrible catch of influenza, though as soon as the realisation washed over me that I had skipped the supposed due date for my period, the ideation dawned on me, which was answered in the only way possible - a pregnancy test. Managing to get my friend to purchase one for me as I was bedridden for days on end, proving my physical inability to do simple household tasks myself due to the morning sickness that I had developed, I avoided telling Damon about my speculations, merely because I didn’t want to get his hopes up. The talk of bearing another child had been levitating in the empyrean of our conversations for a short while, mainly beginning as simple jokes, which would then mature into the statement ‘Imagine raising a child…’, though no conversations had ever progressed into concluding such dreams of doing so.

“Hiya love,” Damon said, instantly turning his head to the door as he set his eyes upon the sight of me strutting into the living room, managing to walk around without the nauseating feeling erupting in my throat for the first time in hours. He thought that I was asleep, the only times the sounds of my shuffling around audible was when I had headed to the bathroom - the place in which I had found out the newfound news that had been growing inside my lower stomach. He stood up slowly, reaching my side as he provided assistance to make my way over to sit on the sofa, beside where he was sitting, engulfed in whatever was shown on the television. Once we sat down, and he was fully sure that I was comfortable, he sat down beside me, where he had previously sat before I entered the living space. Admiring his features, I noticed that he looked tired, exhausted even; he was working extremely long, tiring hours at the studio as the release date for his upcoming solo album - tonight being his only free evening. My heart panged in my chest for the short period that my eyes laid on him, exhaling slightly as I realised that returning home to his partner being in such a temperamental state perpetually, would affect him more than he would care to admit, at all; he would be adamant that I hadn’t been making him feel worse, though by the look of his drained features, I might just have. “You alright?”

Nodding my head, I directed my vision to stare at the random episode of some antique show that had been displayed on the television. “Why on earth are you watching this?” I laughed, grabbing the remote to switch channels to something more interesting.

“There’s nothing to watch!” he groaned, though it sounded more like a chuckle laced with slight annoyance towards how bland the channels had been today. Deciding upon leaving the television on the news, not caring excessively over what was playing, I turned my head to fixate my stare on Damon, our gazes meeting. His piercing blue eyes burned straight through mine as if to telepathically question upon why I hadn’t simply called him over to our bedroom, the fatigue embraced on my features almost foreshadowing the thought that from my projected abnormalities, another thing had been plaguing my mind; something else was going on.

Stretching my arms out in the air, I filled the silence that had collapsed between the pair of us, the only sounds audible echoing out from the television speakers. “I think I know why I’ve been feeling so sickly.” I mumbled, my body relishing in the sensation of my limbs, once aching in outright pain from being stuck in one position under my duvet for many hours on end, finally fulfilling its use in movement.

“Because of your fever?” he replied, a small laugh escaping his throat at what had seemed to be such an obvious answer to the question that had been floating in the atmosphere of our minds. For all Damon knew right now, was that I was poorly with what could only be concluded as a monstrosity of a fever, and was being far too dramatic at the thought that I was going to die constantly from the overwhelming waves of heat that had kept flushing over my skin.

As I shook my head slightly, a miniscule grin casted on my lips as I set my mind on speculating his reaction to me mentioning the ultimating news that I had come across simply a couple of minutes ago. “It’s not that…” I trailed off, my voice shrinking in volume as I allowed my right hand to rest on my lower stomach, patting it lightly, giving the notion that it had something to do with my stomach. My eyes stayed focused on Damon’s expression as I watched his eyes squint together for a short while, confusion outcased across his features, my smile widening at how oblivious he was being.

The beam that perched on my lips simply grew Damon’s puzzled state even more, until realisation washed over him, to which his eyes widened, his head merely cocking to the side as he wondered whether it was appropriate to ask or not. “You’re not…”

Water began to softly brim my eyelids as my smile enlarged, exposing my teeth as I managed to lift my body and straddle Damon’s lap, taking ahold of one of his hands, so soft to the touch, lifting my shirt up slightly as I placed his hand on my lower stomach - the place in which our future child was inhabited. Disbelief poured over his expression; he was left speechless as he awaited such confirmation toward his suspicions. Placing my lips gently onto his, I held our bodies in a warm, slow, passionate kiss, goosebumps coming alive on my forearms as I allowed the salty liquid to escape from my eyes as they were closed shut. “I’m pregnant.” I said, detaching my lips away from his as I marvelled at his face lighting up with joy, his arms embracing me in another hug. Upon finding out that the option was attained, I couldn’t have been more ecstatic. There was a life growing inside my belly, a life that had been formed from such passion and affection shared between the person that I had loved most, somebody that had provided me the knowledge that you can never stop loving somebody, and the love that you have for them, grows every single day.

Both his hands began tucking fallen strands of my hair behind both my ears, eventually holding my face in his hands as I melted into his touch, his thumbs softly swiping against my now tear-stained cheeks as he brought my forehead forward to brush against his. “You are going to be the best mother in the world.” he stated, his lips connecting with mine once again.

#damon albarn x reader #damon albarn #gorillaz #blur #blur 90s #blur band #britpop #my writing #band imagines #fanfic #fluff #imagines

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toges-wife · 2 years

Note

hi! could i get an inumaki x shy!musician! reader? thank you in advance!

Your Lovely Notes <3

Pairing: Inumaki x shy!musician!reader

Word count: 0.7k

Warnings: music

Note; sorry i don't listen to music that's why it took long.

Photo credit: [1] [3]

Toge was into music, it was his life! He didn't care about the genre, it was the best way to express his emotions. Once he was in the bus on his way back from school. He was pissed off, he wasn't in mood to talk with anyone. He just couldn't wait until he gets home.

Suddenly he found a person entering the bus. "Nice, now they will sit next to me cuz its the only available seat?" He thought at first. You were holding your guitar looking down while walking afraid to make eye contact with anyone.

Taking your seat you found him frowning at you. Then when he saw the guitar his expression changed immediately! "Can i have a look?" He typed down on his phone. You just nodded "here, it's my favourite... someone special bought it for me." You said shyly showing him it.

"Mhm.. shake!" He said as he started trying to play some notes of his favourite song. "No, it's the wrong note, it's played like this" you moved his fingers, "oh-" he said then typed "I'm new for this, anyway, I've reached my destination. Thanks it was nice :)" you read it and gave him a nod as he got off the bus waving at you.

"He was nice" you thought to yourself. After 5 minutes you got off the bus, you didn't realise that you live next to his place at first until you were out for a walk you saw him watering his plants and taking care of his pets.

"Oh- kelp!" He waved at you as soon as he recognised you, you didn't know what to respond and went like "kelp?" He just nodded. "Oh hi, so you live nearby, right? I recently moved here.." you started the conversation as he just welcomed you to his garden.

You sat there awkwardly but after he was just not talking like others you tried asking him why. He just explained that he can't talk and took off his mask. "A- a curse?!" You were scared. He was afraid that you will think of him as a freak or weird.

He suddenly started talking other than the ingredients. "It's not like i cant talk... but please... promise me.. don't hate me or get scared." You looked at him confused and started asking many questions, it was actually interesting.

Since that day you both always visit eachother. But toge had something he always wanted to ask you about but he was shy. But now since you got closer he decided to ask. "Can you teach me how to play? Like with the guitar since I'm new to this...." he texted you as he immediately closed his phone and threw it away.

"Oh I'm so dumb- i shouldn't have asked," he thought but once he checked if you replied eventually you did. So he was happy that you didn't mind. You actually invited him over to practice a bit. He came with some flowers and a note (Sorry For bothering you). You just smiled and told him it's okay.

You went to your room and started to practice a bit. But it was all fun. He was making jokes and talking, it's just he was happy. He made you smile and become more happier. These days passed by and toge learnt how to play the guitar correctly.

But you liked him. He was your close friend. You weren't sure if he likes you back. But since he couldn't communicate he was trying to play a song which completely fits for the situation. He didn't like you. He loved you.

He loved everything about you. Your hair, your face, how your hands started playing with the guitar, how shy you are. Literally everything. He didn't know how to tell you. But he wrote a love song for you.

It went like he gave his best friend to sing while he played the notes. Yuta said, "this song is fom my best friend to y/n! I hope you liked it." When he gave you the song and you listened to it your heart melted and he got embarrassed.

"I- i like you back..." you said still in shock. he smiled happily and genuinely. "Shake...!"

#inumaki #jujutsu kaisen #anime #inumaki to/ge #jjk inumaki #inumaki fluff #inumaki toge #toge inumaki #jjk #inumaki toge x reader #inumaki scenarios #jujutsu kaisen inumaki # ꒰ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ꒱ : anons

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harrysmaison · 2 years

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What are your top 3 Larry fics and why

tough questions, i know i have loads but ijm just gonna go with the very first that come in my mind bc i know if i go search it all up my indecisive ass will end up with too many choices

(it did end up with too many choices. there's more than three down there and ofc in no particular order. under the cut bc i rambled too much sorry sam)

1. young and beautiful. i mean i dont really think there's a lot of reasons i need to give for this. still, this was my first ever ao3 fic and i remember just falling in love with larry when i read this. the description, the details, the feels, the angst, OH LORD THE ANGST and the slow burn. probably the slowest burn ive come across. i dont usually openly cry while reading. this was the first fic that made me cry. this fic was the one that introduced me to my interest in dark academia, and i mean, "the moon knows we're in love" finish me.

it also holds a special personal space in his heart bc this fic had been my outle during some of my hard hard times. i think that's enough reason its my favorite. also one of the few fics i've reread more than twice. (i dont reread fics a lot :P)

2. tired tired sea. what can i say about this. although it was too much angst, this fic has been my comfort fic. I find comfort in angst, its a good outlet. for some stupid reason, i was initially avoiding reading this, a reason so stupid i wont even like to talk about this. but in the end i was like fuck it and clicked on the link while my books and exam timetable lay discarded and forgotten beside me. everything about this fic is so so so beautiful. you just get this deep settled feeling of peace reading this, and i loved that. me cried reading this too.

3. these inconvenient fireworks. lets get over the angsty angsty and bring in some absolute genius humor. mixed with - of course - "fucking ouch my heart" angst. honestly i had no idea what i was expecting when i started reading this fic. i only knew about severe pining and humor that made you scream. the infamous car wash scene, until now the best thing i've ever read. it was all fun and games and i was loving it and was like, oh well looks like im not as much of an angst hoe as i thought i can like a fic without some in it too. then the angst dropped and i was like, of fucking course you never leave me alone do you. cant say i cried but i was frustrated beyond words trust me. that was when i learned that in this fic, you dont only scream when it gets hot and funny. so yeah, pure but very very welcome torture this one.

you know the three you can go along with your day dont mind me rambling down here

4. run like the devil. this fic. i'd say this is the most ideal fic of my choice. yes i like gory, dark themed, action and mystery filled heavily painful fics with ooc characters with traumatic past and healing together and you throw in supernatural in it and there you are giving me the most lethal drug i could get addicted to. i read this like a ritual. me cried. me was on the edge of my seat the whole time i read this. me almost smashed my phone against my wall numerous times. me found my spirit animal in the louis of this fic, i yelled at him (mentally) cursed him (mentally) and swathed him in as much affection and love as i could provide (again, mentally. how sad). demons and good demons and bad demons and danger and blood and death and trauma and action and death and mystery and everything EVERYTHING. yes i have no heart, im heartless count me in.

5. say hallelujah, say goodnight. oh lord bless me this fic was something of a different experience. from the prev one you must have realised the theme i usually follow and love from my dearest heart. this fic, once again, had EVERYTHING i search for in a fic. the angst, the death, the action, the friendship, there ROMANCE. angel louis, demon harry, (the irony of that), so many mythical creautres, war, dark magic my oh my. plus a perfect example of "i'll love you for an eternity and more" in the most literal sense possible. plus the flashbacks and details and information the author provided throughout the fic, mixing multiple stories into one. this was just amazing to read. and im defninitely planning to reread it once my exams are over. this and the five above.

thank you for listening to my useless ramble i can go bury myself under my blanket and cry from all the memories. these fics kept me going through quarantine. of course there are so many more, like so many, quite a lot of them i've postponned reading for exam purposes (a lot of classics are yet to be read by me) but these are the first ones that came in mind. you can see the type of fics i like to read if anybody else made it through this and know some other gorgeous fics come ramble at me about them.

#i totally went unhinged there didnt i #sorry dkjflksdg #bolded the main bits in case you dont want my ramblng but the part that actually matters #sam ✨#just gonna quickly post this without thinking too much bc i know if i do ill add more and tumblr would likely get rid of me then #larry fic rec #sandesh

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hysokaz · 3 years

Text

why did hisoka not kill gon in zevil island?

he wanted to see gon grow. he even said so himself, he wants to see gon grow into an opponent worth killing. but we all know that.

he wants to see gon grow stronger so that he will reach a level where he feels he can fight him and get a good match out of it. but thats a boring answer. i think that hisoka didnt kill gon in zevil island, despite the fact that gon was down and paralyzed, because he respected gon in that moment.

hisoka doesnt really have "respect" for a lot of people. or things. i think his respect can go hand in hand with if he wants to fight someone or not. does hisoka mind killing, or fighting? of course not, but theres a difference between him not minding and him WANTING to kill/fight. you have to impress him or at least do something that makes him reasonably think that youre "worthy" of fighting him. some people he respects include illumi, chrollo, machi, etc. anyone who he would REALLY like to fight some day. i dont think he respected gon in the beginning of the exams; i think he thought it would be fun to fight gon, but i dont think he thought it would be any time soon that the urge to fight him would pop up.

the start of his respect, and urge to fight gon grew the second that he saw gon with his own badge in hand.

so why does this matter?

because the respect gon gained from hisoka kept him alive.

i think its interesting to compare the way hisoka views targets he doesnt MIND fighting and targets he WANTS to fight, aka, respects. agon, the bird-looking guy who he kills, was nothing to hisoka. hisoka was in a trance when he killed him, gon even said that hisoka wouldve just killed anyone he saw. when hisoka killed agon it was quick, and hisoka let agons body fall without a second glance. in fact, the next thing he does is a clear indicator of the way he views the people he respects. he drops EVERYTHING, in quiet shock, to look for the person that ripped the badge of his chest. you know its shock because hisoka places his hand on his chest, where his badge had been, to see if it truly was gone. its enough of a shock for him to completely snap out of his bloodlust trance and to focus all of his attention to the person who took them down.

gon

and when he saw gon, what was his reaction? he was happy.

gon is special, in a way. hisoka saw potential in gon, but he didnt seem to care too much for him. it was enough to make an impression, though. that impression instantly grew once he saw gon was the one to take his badge; he realised that gon truly would grow into an opponent worthy of killing.

it almost seems like hisoka WAS going to kill gon at first, the way he reacted after spotting him, but i can GUARANTEE you he wasnt. hisoka was no longer in a trance once he saw gon, he was completetly calm and in his sound mind (as much as that counts). hisoka approaches gon, or at least begins to, calmly and quietly. he visibly shows himself stepping towards gon, he doesnt try to go quick before gon can react, in fact, he waits for gon to get over his startlement before approaching. gon, still scared for his life (for good reason) ran away. but i can still guarantee that he wasnt in a trance even without him not physically being on the screen-- all of it revolves around geretta. he kills geretta quietly, gon doesnt even know hisoka kills geretta until after it happens. hisoka is careful, collected, and assassinates him without a sound. had hisoka been in a trance he wouldve been running to kill gon, and that wouldve made geretta hear him and it wouldnt have been such an easy kill; when hisoka is in a trance, he doesnt care who sees him-- hes so overwhelmed by his own bloodlust to not sense the presence of others. theres no reasonable way that hisoka wouldve calmly approached geretta if he was truly in an urge to kill gon, therefore he didnt want to kill gon.

hisoka is not too... prideful. i wouldnt use the word to describe him at least. its not like he wakes up in the morning to admire himself, hes never said something that leads me to believe he even tells himself hes strong. i dont know how to explain it, but hisoka doesnt NEED to tell himself that hes strong; hes confident, but hes not vain. i would only ever call him overconfident when bloodlust gets to his head-- but when that happens, hisoka plain cant THINK, so i dont think its too far to use that. the only counterargument against this that i can think of is the way he is with chrollo, but i havent thought much about their relationship and i dont want to bring that up now. what im trying to say is that hisoka couldve honestly given less of a shit if he lost his own badge. it wouldnt mean anything to him so long he could still win. but hes not stupid, he knows the value of a badge. the knows the value that gaining an opponents badge would mean to someone, i think he wouldnt exactly KNOW know but i think he would have a hunch that it WOULD mean something to gon.

so i think that hisoka giving gon his badge would be a sign of respect, as well. he COULDVE taken all the badges he needed, he COULDVE just let gon be, but instead he went out of his way to gift gon his badge. this wasnt mockery, like gon took it. it was a sign of respect, because hisoka WANTS gon to pass. he knows hes going to be fine even if he has to get 3 more cards and gives his own to gon so that he may pass. its the thing that sparked my analysis, it was CLEAR that it was a sign of respect.

i have one more argument. believe it or not, knocking down gon was another sign of respect. while yes it brought gon to a very low point, hisoka didnt mean for that to happen. him knocking gon down was mercy, in hisokas eyes. he obviously doesnt want gon to not pass, its obvious. another sign is that geretta is killed. hisoka couldve let gon deal with it, i mean geretta didnt give a lethal dose, but hisoka didnt let that happen. he dropped his badge and left it with gon, and ran off with gerettas. if gon passed and if he passed, he was fine with that.

its all respect. he has enough respect for gon to want him to live (for now) and pass.

so why did hisoka not kill gon in zevil island when he had every chance? he had too much respect for gon to do it.

#hxh #hxh meta #gon freecss #hisoka morow #ik i got pics from 11's but i was actually watching the 90s version when i got the idea to write this #i was arguing with myself because im crazy about the way hisoka acted and i was trying to deduce WHY he didnt kill gon and #why he acted the way he did in general during that time #and i just slwoly came to realisation that gon only survived because hisoka respects him #and its so. hisokas fucking brain is so intersting i need to dissect it #litearlly i am going insane soemtimes i feel like im one of the only people in this website who fundimentally understands this clown #i know thats not like something to brag about and i sound stupid but i. i feel like i understand his reasoning but damn near everything &#perhaps that is a cause for worry #not my fault i got mentally fucked up in the head symdrome #anyways guys im hongry and the glue in my nails is peeling off and its 2am #seriously i spent hours doing dishes and that makes the glue fall off sm faster it fucking sucksssss #why do i spend hours doing dishes? because i spend hours cleaning and organising. why do i do that?😎 please help me #side note writing this at 2:25 im really hongry still man #i litearlly do not know if any of this makes sense im ujst jmjrsg .stupid clown #okay i finaly ifnished it at 4:42 am i need to go to bed i have like a hair appointment at 12 and thats important i need my blondness to #keep my sane..dont worry i only dye half of it platimun blonde because i hate yellow and its a stupid colour #anyways i feel like i couldve explained this better but i try my best #omg wiat 4:44 making this edit yayyy angel numbers #um anwyays wanted to say..shit what did i want to say........oh yes i wanted to say that i know no one asked but but i really had been thin #kin about this and i realy needd to get it out of my heaed

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clintbartonswife · 5 years

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Pairings: Bucky Barnes x Reader, (platonic) Steve x Reader Summary: When Steve first comes out of the ice, he learns of his fellow Howling Commando’s fates, yours being less than pretty. So, when he goes back to return the stones, he decides to be selfish. He brings you home.

Written for @buckygrantbarnes writing challenge with the prompt : Epiphany (n)- a moment of sudden revelation or insight. It’s in bold. I really tried

Warning: brief mentions of suicide, angst, minor swearing, involves flashbacks (through Steve’s eyes) to 40s!bucky and 40s!steve

Word Count: 3.2k - this was not meant to get this long oh dear god

masterlist

“Are you sure you want to do this Cap?” Tony asked, placing the Manila folders in front of him cautiously, “You might not like everything that you read”

Steve just nodded, his eyes immediately drawn to your file, “I have to know”

He waited until he was alone that evening to look through the folders, starting with Dum Dum’s folder. By 2 am in the morning he had finally reached yours, fingers hesitating at the crisp pages. With a deep breath, he finally opened it.

Your face beamed up at him, standing in between him and Bucky. That particular picture had been taken after their first successful hydra raid with the howling commandos, the three of you full of incomparable joy. Steve felt his eyes brimming with tears as he set the picture aside, moving onto the typed up briefing of your life.

He knew something was wrong before he had even started, the folder much thinner than that of the other members, only a mere few pages detailing your life after the war. His stomach clenched uncomfortably at the sight, yet he continued to read.

She continued to fight with the surviving commandos until the end of the war, where she was heavily decorated amongst her peers. Retiring from the forces, she moved back to Brooklyn, only 5 minutes away from Rebecca Barnes and her new husband. 3 months after retiring from the service she was found dead in her apartment from a gunshot to the head, self inflicted.

Steve felt sick. Utterly, utterly sick. He had left you alone, and without him or Bucky there to help you, you had crumbled. Shoving the folder away from him, he stumbled to his feet, dashing out of his room and towards the common room kitchen to get some water.

He ignored a few worried calls as he walked through the corridors, his mind reeling with the imaginative horrors of your death, conjuring up images of your limp body sprawled lifelessly on the floor -

The thought made him heave, tears gathering in his eyes as he clumsily took a cup from the cupboard and began to fill it up, his usually steadfast hands shaking life a leaf as memories of his youth filled his head.

“I didn't see you here yesterday, you’re always sat here sketching at 4. Were you okay?”

Steve looked up at you in shock, sketching pad lying on his legs as he tried to formulate a sentence.

“Wha - yeah. My asthma was bad is all, ma didn't want me leaving the house. Um - I’m Steve”

“Y/N” you greeted cheerfully, seating yourself next to him on the bench, “I think we’re going to be great friends”

“Steve! Wait up!” you called, running down the street, madly weaving through the throngs of people that lined the Brooklyn streets. Steve had known you for years now, Bucky instantly accepting you into the fold.

Steve watched you approach with a grin, leant against the wall with his hands tucked in his pockets to keep out of the way of the morning rush.

“I thought you had ditched me” he teased, elbowing you lightly in the side, “was waiting for 20 minutes doll”

You ducked your head slightly, your hair falling in your face as you laughed, “I would never Steve - you know that”

With a small nod, he offered you his arm, the two of you walking towards the theatre.

“Is Buck coming?”

“Shouldn’t you know that?” He teased, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

You blanched, a blush creeping up your cheeks, “I don't have a clue what you’re talking about”

He snorted, falling next to you in line at the ticket booth with a relaxed smile.

“Yeah, because you didn't fall hopelessly in love with him when we were 7″

You punched his arm lightly, stumbling over words as you tried to defend yourself.

“He’ll ask you out any day doll, I’m sure of it”

“Steve! Help me!”

He turned around to see Bucky close in on you, tackling you to the ground before he began tickling your sides.

“Make him stop - ow! James! I’ll get you for this I swear!”

“Nah, you love me too much to hurt me babydoll” Bucky smirked, his eyes shining with admiration as he stared down at your scowling face.

Steve sniggered as he watched you turn beet red, immediately wiggling out from underneath the taller man and making a rushed excuse to leave.

“What was that?”

“You called her babydoll again” Steve smirked, crossing his arms triumphantly, “Just admit it, you like her”

“I don't know what you’re talking about punk”

“Jerk”

“It’s in Europe, they say we might have to join” you said in a low voice, squished between Bucky and Steve in a booth, a shared smoothie sat on the table.

“Someone’s got to stop the Nazis - I think we should help” Steve explained with a small shrug. “They’re bullies, they need to be stopped”

“What do you think Buck?”

“Huh - what? Sorry doll I wasn’t listening”

You sighed, narrowing your eyes at Dot who had been flirting with him from across the diner.

“Just go sit with her if she’s that bloody interesting”

“If that’s alright with you?”

You huffed moodily, Steve answering for the both of you, a scowl forming on your face as you watched him flirt.

“He’s nothing but a skirtchaser” you huffed, taking an angry sip of milkshake, “Just admit it Steve, he sees me as a sister. I’ve known him too long”

“Trust me, he doesn’t look at you like he looks at Becca. He’s just being an idiot right now” Steve said, consoling you, “Besides, they never last more than a week, you’ve got to realise there’s a reason for that”

“I’ll believe it when I see it Rogers”

“Buck you cant go” you cried into his chest, hands fisted into the material of his jacket.

“I’m sorry doll, but you know I have to. I’ll come home, I promise” he murmured, pressing a kiss to your hairline as he pulled away, moving to give Steve a hug.

“Look after her while I’m gone Steve, I mean it”

“You know I will”

“And don't do anything stupid”

“How can I? You’re taking all the stupid with you” Steve smiled sadly, moving to hold your hand as you waved Bucky off.

As soon as he was out of sight you buried your head in Steve’s shoulder, letting out broken sobs as he held you tightly.

“I didn’t tell him Steve”

“I know”

“What do you mean you’re leaving? You’re being deployed?”

“Yes, well I -” You cut him off with a hug, knowing how much he wanted to get in to the army, until the reality came crashing down.

“What am I supposed to do? What about your asthma? Your pains? I - I should join the nurses, see if I can go with you. You’ll - you’ll need someone who knows how to help you”

“Y/N no, I promised Buck -”

“You cant leave me here alone Steve, I cant be in Brooklyn alone”

“Who are - wait - Steven?”

“It's me”

“But you’re massive! What happened to you!”

“I joined the army” he chuckled, a sad tinge to his voice

“Why’re you sad?”

“They’re not deploying me. They have me on a dance troupe instead, something about selling bonds”

You pulled him into a hug, withholding a sigh of relief, “Well, I guess I’ve found my new job, eh?”

You snuck off stage with Steve, ignoring the cheers of the soldiers as you consoled him, smiling at Peggy as she approached.

“Tough crowd? That audience contains what was left of the 107th -”

“Wait, the 107th?”

Steve was up in a flash, you and Peggy following close behind.

“Sir I just need to know one name, Sargent James Buchanan Barnes of the 107th, please”

“I’ve written more of those letters than I’d care to admit today - I’m sorry but the name does sound familiar”

You choked down a sob as Steve asked what the plan was to save the POWs, your hand absentmindedly clutching his as you tried to ground yourself.

“I cant believe I let you come” Steve breathed exasperatedly, watching as you put your show helmet back on, a determined look in your eye.

“Hey, I’ve been training her, she’s pretty good” Peggy smiled, handing you a pistol and holster, as well as a stolen machine gun.

The plane leered to the side slightly, Howard shouting apologies from the front.

“I’ll have you know I beat your accuracy on the shooting range, Rogers” you teased, attaching the thigh holster as you steadied your breathing, getting ready to drop into enemy territory.

You fought brutally, following Steve’s every move as you made your way through the hydra base.

“What do you need me to do?”

“Get the prisoners out, I’ll carry on looking for Bucky”

“Are you sure -”

“If he sees you here you know he’s just going to act tough, we need to move quickly”

You snorted in agreement, taking the cell keys and splitting off from him, shooting down the last few guards before entering the room.

“Who are you?”

“Here to save your asses”

“I asked you to keep her safe!”

“I did! She’s fine isn't she?”

“She is standing right here! And yes, I’m joining and there’s nothing you can do about it, okay?”

“Doll, I just don't think -” “Bucky if the dame wants to come along, let her come” Dum Dum interrupted, “She saved us back then and she seems capable enough”

You smiled smugly, raising your eyebrow at Bucky as Steve watched on in amusement.

“You’re not gonna back down from this are you? God my ma’s gonna kill me”

You cheered at his acceptance, pulling both Bucky and Steve into a hug.

“The three musketeers back together again”

“I wish it was under better circumstances”

“don't we all”

“Bucky I’m fine! It was the right move, if I hadn't have gone in there then the turret might have taken Gabe and Pinky out!”

“You almost got shot!”

“We’re always almost getting shot!”

“But normally I have eyes on you - I can look out for you” “I don't need you to babysit me James! I can do it!” “Well I cant! I lost eyesight on you and you weren’t answering me doll - I - you can’t do that -“

“You don’t seem that bothered when the others leave your sight! You’re being hypocritical Bucky -“

“I LOVE YOU GODDAMNIT”

Everything went quiet, a shocked gasp escaping your lips at the epiphany.

The men cleared their throats awkwardly, the two of your voices carrying back to the camp. Steve, however, sat back in his seat happily, glad that his friend had finally taken the leap.

Everyone was sat quietly as Jaques fiddled with the radio, trying to hack into the Russian network.

Steve was sat opposite the two of you, watching as you had a hushed conversation. You were sat in between Bucky’s legs, your back leant against his chest. You tilted your head upwards to talk to him, small giggles escaping your lips as he pressed light kisses all over your face.

The rare peaceful moment was cut short as the channel took hold, harsh Russian cutting through the cold air, bringing with it the beginnings of the next mission.

“What were you thinking?”

“I was thinking that we were cornered and I needed to get into the control room!”

“Jesus babydoll, are you trying to give me a heart attack”

“I can handle myself Buck! How many times do I need to prove myself before you realise that? I can fight my own fucking battles”

Bucky cut you off with a growl, picking you up and throwing you over his shoulder, muttering something about your dirty mouth.

“We’ll be back in a bit Steve”

“Try and keep it down this time” Steve teased, earning a shocked curse from you as you began to scold him.

“Steven Grant Rogers, how very dare you -”

“Stevie you’ll never guess what!”

“Did he do it?”

You turned around to Bucky, a massive grin on your face.

“He knew?”

“Of course he knew, who do ya think helped me pick the ring?”

Delighted, you hugged Steve, thanking him.

“He was getting cold feet, thought it was too soon” Steve teased, “all I had to do was remind him you’ve been in love since you were 14 - he’s been carrying that damn ring around since the last big town”

“I love you big idiots”

Bucky chuckled from behind you, his arms encircling your waist protectively, chin resting on the top of your head.

“Just a few more bases and we can go home” Bucky promised, Steve nodding firmly.

“Just a few more”

You stared blankly at Steve, his words falling on to deaf ears. Blindly, you started towards the edge of the cliff to look at the train track where he had fallen, Steve’s hands preventing you from getting too close.

“He’s not gone. He’s not”

“I’m sorry, I reached for him. He was right there and I-“ Steve’s voice broke off into sobs, your arms mechanically hugging him. You were numb.

“It’s not your fault” you murmured repeatedly, “not your fault”

Only two weeks later, the group had found the main hydra base. Steve had tried talking you out of coming but you needed the revenge, the alcohol not cutting into your grief.

You moved through the base with conviction, unbridled fury coursing through your veins as you cleared corridors of hostiles by yourself, movements brutal and unforgiving.

“He’s on the jet - missiles - I need backup”

You watched as Steve kissed Peggy, a small smirk pulling at your lips, before you continued clearing the way to the control room.

“I’ve got to put her in the water”

“Steve - no. You can’t do that to me, please”

Peggy tried to come up with an alternative route, but Steve was sure it was the only way.

“Y/N I’m so sorry”

As Steve stepped on the platform, one glance at Bucky confirmed what he had to do.

When he had first remembered you, he had cried for hours in Steve’s arms until he eventually worked up the courage to read your folder. He had gone silent for a few minutes before letting out the most heart wrenching sob Steve had ever heard.

He was inconsolable for quite a while afterwards, quite similar to Steve when he had found out, unable to imagine you in a place that dark.

“3, 2, 1”

A hesistant knock sounded at your door, bringing you out of your daydream. You cursed the interruption, reality crashing back down around as you realised you were back in the States and they were gone.

The person knocked again, more firmly this time. You opened it with a fake smile (one you had mastered recently), to be met with a familiar set of broad shoulders.

”Steve?”

Your voice was shaky, your hand reaching out to cup his cheek.

“Oh god I’m going insane aren’t I - you - you died. You’re both dead. Who - why are you doing this? It’s not funny!” You wept, scrambling backwards.

“Y/n-“

You froze at his voice, hands beginning to tremble.

“No, no”

Your crying increased as you pressed your hands to your ears, sliding down the wall until you were hunched over, rocking back and forth slightly.

“You’re dead, you’re dead, you’re dead” you mumbled.

“Y/n I’m here, it’s me. I’m here doll”

Warm arms wrapped around you, pulling you into a comforting embrace, “shhh. Shhhh”

“Is it - is it really you?” You asked, hands clawing at his shirt, “Steve, Steve it’s you?”

“It’s me, I’m here” he said, voice cracking with emotion.

“But - but - the ice. You crashed Steve. You - you - you died! You both died!” You had to pause, choking on tears, “you both left me. I had to come back here alone, you know I didn't want to be in Brooklyn alone”

“I know, and I’m so sorry doll. I’m so sorry. But I came here to take you home, with Buck and I”

“Oh - I did it didn’t I?”

“What?”

“I’m dead”

“No. You’re not dead, but you did-“ his voice broke off, tears falling from his eyes as he tried to finish his sentence, “I know what you’re thinking of doing”

“Oh”

“I’m from the future, there’s no easy way to put it. The ice froze me, kept me alive. I read it in your notes”

“Bucky’s alive in the future too?”

“The fall didn’t kill him”

You gasped, filling in the gaps yourself.

“Oh god, we - we basically handed him to them!”

“But he’s alive, he’. Please let me save you doll - come back with me. I know it will be different but -“

“Yes, please don't leave me again Stevie I cant - not again - I cant”

The blond just nodded in understanding, helping you to your feet.

“Is there anything you need to get?”

You shook your head, your engagement ring still shining on your finger as you grasped the two sets of dog tags around your neck.

Steve tilted his head to the side questioningly.

“Rebecca wanted Bucky’s, I couldn’t say no to her. I got to keep yours though - you can have them back if you want?”

“No need” he smiled, wiping away his tears with the back of his hand, “Let’s go”

You fell to your knees on a metal platform, Steve’s hand still resting on your shoulder.

“Steve what did you do?”

You ignored the unfamiliar voice as you looked up, eyes frantically searching for Bucky.

“Steve -”

You whipped around at the sound of his voice, “Buck”

You launched yourself at him immediately, the two of you crumbling to the ground in a messy embrace. Tears ran steadily down his cheeks as his hands ran over your figure, as if solidifying that you were really in front of him.

“Your hair is so long now” you giggled tearfully, stroking your hands through the silky strands, “and you have a beard!”

He laughed ruefully, searching your face quickly before burying his face back into your neck.

“I missed you babydoll” he whispered into your skin, tightening his arms around your waist, “I’m so sorry for everything”

Frowning, you cut him off, gently moving his face in front of yours and pulling him into a sweet, tender kiss.

“You have nothing to be sorry for James, nothing at all”

He looked down at your intertwined fingers, eyes drawn to the ring.

“You kept it”

“There was never gonna be anyone else Buck -”

“I know”

Averting your eyes from Bucky for a few seconds, you gestured for Steve to join the hug, your family unit complete.

“The three musketeers back together again” Steve smiled, leaning forwards so all three of your foreheads were touching.

“Punk”

“Jerk”

“Idiots”

2K notes · View notes

drangues · 3 years

Note

Atsushi inadvertently becomes the ADA’s jack of all trades through the power of YouTube Tutorials. Kenji accidentally breaks a desk? YouTube tutorial. They need no-bake cookies for Ranpo’s sugar cravings? YouTube tutorial. He needs to figure out Excel because Kunikida is panicking about deadlines again? YouTube tutorial. Dazai was so chaotic that he broke a bone and they need an emergency split while Yosano isn’t there? YouTube tutorial. Anyways! (Nyanon, 1/6)

It’s okay, they grew up in an awful situation and only had each other, they can bath together a lot and no one can say anything. But yesss that sounds like something she’d do- And actually, maybe she and Kyouka don’t get along, at first? Because Lucy feels her position as Best Friend is being threatened by having someone so close to them, and Kyouka might not trust anyone outside of Atsushi for a little bit. That’s just how the mind works sometimes! (Nyanon, 2/6)

Then they realize they both like using their closeness with Atsushi to piss off Dazai and they’re just like, “oh, a Comrade.” Also, do you think Atsushi would know about his ability, here? Since Lucy would be there, too, and she has a pretty obvious ability, so maybe they’d put the pieces together... And hm, recommendations? Well, I’m not multilingual, so these will all be English language books- I’m awful at learning new ones, nothing sticks- But let’s see... (Nyanon, 3/6)

Well, I’ve always been a fan of Fablehaven and Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel, and while I’m not as big a fan of it, the Percy Jackson universe is well known for being pretty inclusive compared to other series, I think. All three of them combine the modern world and fantasy pretty well, though the first focuses more on magical fantasy, the last focuses more on mythological fantasy, and the second focuses on a combination of them. (Nyanon, 4/6)

(Also, speaking of fantasy, I now have a feel-good Magic Reserve AU. I have too many AUs.) But! While I’m not an avid reader of detective novels myself, I do agree that Ranpo lending Atsushi books is adorable~ I want them to interact more than they do in canon, ugh. I want Atsushi to interact more with everyone than he does in canon, really. Moving on to another General Atsushi Concept: He hand makes a good majority of the presents he gives to others! (Nyanon, 5/6)

As mentioned earlier, he might consult a YouTube tutorial to do it, but he just doesn’t always have a lot of money- So he hopes that homemade dolls or accessories, baked goods, photo albums, and other things made by hand are just as good. He’s always worried that the receiver will hate it, afterwards, but it’s the thought that counts, right? (Nyanon, 6/6)

ATSUSHI JACK OF ALL TRAADEESSSS my talented baby he can do anything he wants. lucy would at first but seeing how kyouka had a pretty sad childhood she would definitely see herself in kyouka and soften up- but that sweet sweet bickering would remain- until they come to their senses and finally realise that queens stick together and piss off dazai

while i do feel like he WOULD know i also feel like he W O U L DNT??? like, since he cant control his ability unlike lucy- it feels like she wouldnt tell him because she knows the guilt would be too much if he realises that HES the one causing so much trouble and he cant control it- and would definitely justify the headmasters abuse even MORE. so while he would know, i also see why he wouldnt. but when he does get to know with dazai and the others he’ll definitely be sad/mad at lucy for keeping it from him but after a heartfelt conversation he’ll understand and theyll make up uwu

(it feels kinda weird to have a universe where atsushi Knows of his ability and then have the same story of how he got into the ADA play out- for some reason i cant wrap my head around how THAT would work)

dont worry!! while i am multi lingual i dont mind reading mostly english books- most detective novels i be reading (even lighthearted ones for kids) are in the language of the country i live in. ooo percy jackson!!! love those books uwuwu though ive only read a few of them. and ill check the other books out when i have the time!!

i want atsushi to interact with everyone in canon more as well smh, especially fukuzawa and yosano- idk they just seem more interesting owo. BU T him making most of the presents he gives AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THATS SO CUTEEEEEEE, he’ll definitely put a lot of time on them and make sure theyre perfect ugh <333 hes so cute and anyone getting a present from him would appreciate it so much (tho i feel like maybe for some special occassions like maybe the persons birthday, he’ll also buy a present at the side- maybe some snacks, a thing theyve been talking about- atsushi would probably keep note of what the people closest to him have been wanting throughout the year)

#anon #ask #ask anon #anon ask #bsd #nyanon #nyatsushi anon

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stardustdaemon · 3 years

Text

Soooo this is said super rough draft of the origin of one of my characters and one of my oldest stories that I never actually wrote anything for, if you’d like to read it, it’s just under the read more but I will warn it might be distressing as this is kind of a ‘witch trial’ style, just to see if I like it for now. It will be worked on later and refine dif I decide to stick to this or if anyone who does read this says they like the premise.

A lil background his name is Fayth Kairein and he later becomes mute due to what happens in this piece and he is unaware up until this point (this piece is more of an excerpt from early within the story) that he is a demon.

Lemme know what you think if you do read it <3

He didn’t know why they were chasing him. He didn’t know what he’d done.

It was a normal evening, he was just taking a walk, watching the birds and the sky slowly filter into darkness. The crow should have been a giveaway, landing before him and squawking urgently.

The second he stepped into his home he heard his parent’s voices drift to a quiet murmur, his mother timidly calling out a greeting. Fayth didn’t think much of it, returning the welcome and heading straight to his room.

It was a few hours until the arguing started, leading him to sit by his window to try to avoid the noise.

“You cannot just burst into his room and accuse him of something that hasn’t even existed in centuries!” That was his mother, voice laced with fear and anger.

“The kid is a demon; you know he can’t stay here!” His own father had shouted, shaking his mother to move her from the door.

“You’d really call your own son a demon?! Just because his hair is turning white?” His mother responded before letting out a shrill cry, a loud thud following. Fayth panicked, running to his window, only just creaking it open as his father burst into the room.

They stared at each other, his father with foreign eyes full of hatred and disgust, Fayth’s own glossy as he caught sight of his mother lying unconscious beside his doorway.

“Don’t you dare run boy.” His fathers voice was stern and cold. Fayth froze for a moment before shaking his head, opening his mouth to defend himself and his mother but stopping short as a glass shattered beside his head.

He was out the window before he could think.

Now the whole town was chasing him, his father leading them. He managed to hide in the forest, taking shelter under the foliage for a few hours before his neighbour, his friends father, had caught sight of him.

Fayth didn’t know how far he’d run only that his feet hurt and his clothes stuck to him from the scrapes and falls, from the rain.

You can’t outrun them.

The voice had him skidding to a halt, wobbling on the edge of the gorge. He looked around, finding the rain had stopped and he was alone. To the right was a figure, silhouetted in light.

They’ll always find you, Fayth.

“Who are you?! What do you know about me?!” He cried, hands balled into fists, the tears he’d been holding falling from his eyes.

He was tired. The whole town, the people he grew up with that played with him and gave him free bread, that had greeted him on his way to school and helped him get a ball back from the school grounds.

I am your friend. Let them catch you. Only then will they free you.

“What- How will that be freedom?” Fayth called, hand reaching for the figure now. He was met with only silence and a dimming light.

He screamed and cried out, crawling closer as the light dissipated only to miss it by a slim chance. The rain had begun to pour again and within seconds, the towns people were crowding him, hauling him to his feet and cursing him.

Green eyes met his fathers, finding only a cold stare. Fayth cried and screamed, thrashing before they gagged him, bounding his wrists together.

He had no time to think, panic coursing through his veins as he watched him own family tighten a rope around his ankles. In the back of the crowd stood his mother, eyes pouring tears and hand covering her mouth.

Fayth tried to call to her, eyes wide and begging her to step in but she just turned away.

“Alright, he’s ready. We’ll string him up, you head down.”

String him up?

Fayth wobbled as they hoisted him to his feet, a new wave of tears falling as they lead him to the single tree that hung into the gorge.

“It’s called the healing tree. The original residents of this town hung the witches from it, with hopes of healing them by shooting a pure arrow into their body. Some died at contact, others immediately became free of their curse, able to roam the town once more.”

Fayth remembered his mothers’ words, a bedtime story or passing comment. But that’s all it was meant to be, a fantasy tale told to children to keep them interested in the town.

But now, with his hands forced above his head, he realised it never was. It was very much a real practice, something this village had always done.

A cleansing ritual.

He sobbed, crying out once his feet left the floor, eyes scrunching tight and head tilting up, heart leaping to his throat at the fear of looking below him.

Fayth felt the hands leaving him one by one, felt the tree spring back to it’s normal height as it lost the weight of those crawling to string him up.

“Boy. You need to open your eyes. Once the ceremony is over, you will be cleansed.” A voice spoke, one Fayth recognised as his uncle. He shook his head, screaming and trying to call out, to tell them all he was safe, fine.

Human.

But the fear won out. He opened his eyes, taking a deep breath as he looked to the sky, counting from ten before lowering his gaze to the riverside, breath hitching at the sight awaiting him.

Stood beside the river with a bow in hand was his own father, aiming perfectly for him.

Fayth thrashed again, falling would be better than this.

The gorge fell silent and Fayth looked around, pleading silently for someone, anyone to stop his father.

The twang of the bow carried through the gorge, hitting his ears within seconds, next was the light from the arrow.

Then there was the pain.

He tried to scream, finding it only made the ripping feeling worse.

He was burning. From his neck to his chest there was a fire spreading through him. Blood filling his mouth and soaking his clothes. He couldn’t breath, trying to curl into himself to sooth the pain but he couldn’t he was stuck, he couldn’t get down or do anything.

“Please somebody help! I’m burning! I can’t breath! I cant-” He wasn’t speaking. He wasn’t making any noise.

“The boy is a demon! He will hang here until his death, the family are permitted to stay.”

Somebody in the background, something in him broke.

He threw his head back, letting out a broken scream, the world around him filling with a green light before everything went to black.

#mao writes #Fayth Kairein #Fayth oc #also this is VERY VEEERRRYY ROUGH #so it won't be brilliant

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yourfavgoodgirl · 3 years

Text

Day 1:Happy New Year! Any hopes for the new year? (TC or non TC related?)

i hope to stay in contact with him, and i hope to see him irl again (corona please)

Day 2: Do you have any nicknames/codenames that you call your TC? Do they have any they call you?

my nickname for him is “the most beautiful handsome gorgeous man in the entire world” but just in my head

Day 3: Describe the moment you knew they were more than just another teacher.

when he gave me some ✨attention✨ and just kinda noticed something about me that most people don’t

Day 5: What’s the age gap? Did you ever think you would fall for someone that much older? Are you comfortable with the age gap?

24-25 years and like i appreciate men of all ages (okay that sounded weird i swear i’m not a catholic priest) so i’m not surprised but i didn’t really think about it you know?? am i making sense. but i’m okay but i wish it was smaller just so there would be a bigger chance

Day 6: Describe the first time you saw/met them. How did you meet? What was it like? Were you automatically attracted or did it take some time?

i honestly don’t remember. i didn’t really pay much attention to him at first, i mean not saying i don’t appreciate some good looks on a man but all of my crushes are personality first looks second.

Day 7: Do you plan on keeping contact with your TC after graduation? How do you plan on doing it? If you’re graduated, have you kept in contact? How have you managed that?

honestly i don’t knowwwwwwwww i graduated and i’ve spoken to him once i’m too scared to message him because i feel like i’m bothering him and i don’t want to look like a dumb schoolgirl with a desperate crush even though that is 100% what i am

Day 8: Is there something that tends to remind you of them? Like a sport, food, animal, etc…?

he loves cats. and some songs. and also everything

Day 9: Do you have a memory you are particularly fond of with your TC? Any cute stories?

i really wanna say but it’s too specific. but any praise he’s given me i just store in my brain forever and replay

Day 10: Have you ever touched your TC? Like a hug or a brush of the hand?

i just realised i haven’t lolzzzzzzzz this doesn’t bother me at all ha h a

Day 11: How often do you talk to them? Do you talk to them outside of school?

nope because i am dumb and scared and have no social skills

Day 12: Have you ever had any previous TC’s? What were they like?

nopeee my love is for this stupid teacher only

Day 13: If it were to happen, how do you imagine the perfect kiss going down with your TC? If by chance you have kissed your TC, how did it happen?

WHO HAS KISSED THEIR TC AND IS STILL ON TUMBLR ANSWERING QUESTIONS if it wasn’t obvious no it has not happened to me but i would be in his house on his bed and he’ll just kiss me it dosen’t have to be long but just the kind that says i love you without any words aaaaaaa i’m so alone

Day 14: Do you truly believe there is a chance that they’re interested in you? Has anyone else pointed out that maybe you’re special to you’re TC?

okay so i don’t know. like obviously if you ask me to bet a million dollars on wether he likes me i’ll say he doesn’t. but when it’s 3am and i’m in my bed i think what if. WHAT IF.

Day 15: Have you ever gotten them a gift? If so, what was it?

yes and just food unfortunately. i wish i gave more but it would be weird and i’m trying not to be even more obvious about my crush

Day 17: If you had to pick one feature about them, physical or personality, what would be your favorite?

okay so i saw this tiktok about like people always like the cocky anime characters with the skills to back it up and i just thought of him instantly (not that he’s an anime character). but his dumb cocky and confident attitude is just everything i want and more

Day 18: Do you know of anything they do outside of work? What do they enjoy doing in their free time?

he plays the guitar and sings <3

Day 19: What goes on for you when you see them? How does your body react?

i will be surprised and look away. i can’t keep eye contact with him. and sometimes i just don’t know what to do and i’ll just ignore him. IM SO DUMB WHY AM I LIKE THIS

Day 20: What have you done, or what would you do, to spend more time with them? Join a club/sport they’re in charge of? Sign up for an extra class they teach?

i would do anything that won’t give my crush away. but like i’m so lazy. i avoid doing anything. people are already suspicious and i really don’t want my crush to be known (unless it’s on tumblr <3)

Day 21: How often do you dream about them? What do the dreams usually consist of?

my dreams are so weird. for me i’ll go though phases of no dreams and just ten a day (i nap a lot). i will say about a third of my dreams involve him but not in a romantic way, unless you call me desperately trying to talk to him romantic.

Day 22: What’s a little detail you’ve noticed about them that you aren’t even sure they’re aware of? Do the run their hand through their hair often? Do they subconsciously bite their lip?

i don’t know if this counts but i often stare at him from afar (yes i’m a stalker what about it) and he walks with his chest puffed and head high. like really really really confidently. i miss trying to catch glimpses of him at school </3

Day 23: If they weren’t a teacher, what do you think they should be?

my husband <3 i think he can hold two jobs well, he’s a great multitasker

Day 24: Do you think other people in your school may have feelings towards them too? Why?

yes, because he is the most perfect being (human or otherwise) like, ever

Day 25: What are their classes like? Do they talk a lot? Is it mostly independent work? Are there a lot of notes?

i miss the discussions

Day 26: How would you describe their personality?

dumb. stupid. annoying.

Day 27: What’s the weirdest thing they’ve ever worn?

omg I WANT TO SAY THIS BUT I CANT UGH THE HORROR

Day 28: What’s something you don’t quite fancy about them? A quirk you find odd? A physical trait that you aren’t a fan of?

sometimes he can be surprisingly by the book. i am kinda a rebel (yes it’s hard being so cool) so that rubs me the wrong way but sometimes i break rules or make another teacher mad and he’ll just laugh and smile and ugh i love him

Day 29: How long have you had a crush on them?

jesus christ i just realised it’s already my fourth year pining over this man. someone help

Day 30: Write a poem (short or long) about your TC.

y’all really overestimating my literary skills. but here’s a haiku

please i’m so sad

all because of this dumb man

i want to kiss him

Day 31: Do you have anyone in your life who knows about your TC? Anyone you can talk to?

i told a friend that i thought he’s cute but she totally does not get the extent of it and aaaa there’s another girl that’s totally onto me but i’m not really her friend and she’s the type who can’t keep her mouth shut so

#tcc #teacher crush #teacher crush community #tc #male tc

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heanv · 5 years

Text

Sunflower | Haechan

genre: college!au,relationship

warning: the d word mentioned(?)

word count:2.1k

requested by: @ hyuckysunflower

song: sunflower by rex orange country

Everybody meets their soulmates no matter when but eventually this happens. You had your luck to find yours in the second year of high school. You knew he was the one, you truly felt it.

/I want to know,Where I can go/

You knew Haechan since you were six or seven years old. He always somehow ended up playing with you on the playground and your houses are really close to each other you both were literally like siblings. You made your own courts pretending to be a kingdom where he was the king and you were his queen. He was the one who taught you how to ride your bike and the one who would buy you an ice popsicle in the hot summer days. You loved each other back then and you still loved each other but this love grew stronger with the years and eventually became a real love with a strong bond. You remember how nervous he was when he first asked you on a date and then your first shared kiss only a month later when he took you to the rooftop of his house and told you he loved you.

/So won't you stay for a moment,So I can say/

Now two years later ,happier than ever you guys are planning your future and everything seems perfect. You and him will attend the local university then after you both graduate you will spend a year of travelling around the world and when you came back he would propose to you and the little cozy wedding you both dreamt for will be held in the back of Haechan’s house since it was bigger than yours and after that you both will find jobs and a small family house and eventually have kids and live happily,

/Cause right now you know that nothing here's new,And I'm obsessed with you/

But not everything may not happen the way you guys want it.

You were accepted in the local college and so was Haechan. Some days before the official day for applying the documents for the college ,Haechan received an interesting email. Since the local college wasn’t the only school you applied for ,knowing that you don’t really need something else you picked some schools near the town Haechan also but there was one school he secretly applied for thinking it was impossible to choose him because it was a college for music and art and beside the grades they wanted a photo of painting or a video of singing or playing an instrument. You knew how much your boyfriend loved singing and music but you didn’t know much he wanted to study there but he didn’t mind giving up his dreams for you.

So when Haechan opened the email that said he was accepted in the music college he was on cloud nine.

‘’oh my god’’ he whispered to himself. He knew how hard is entering a school like this and he had to reread the email more than 5 times until he was sure that what he sees was right.

Then it hit him like a sharp slap from the reality. What about you? What about the perfect plan of yours for the future? Will you hate him if he decides to go into the music college? And the worst will you two break up? All of the questions popped into his head and didn’t leave him alone for the whole night.

/ Then I fell to the ground/

In the morning he already knew that he didn’t want to miss the opportunity to study in his dream college but the guiltiness was eating him alive. How was he supposed to tell you? So he decided to make the dumbest decision in his life- to start slowly avoiding you so you could forget him easily. It hurt him so much to ignore all of your calls and all of your messages you sent because you were confused what was going on.

/ I don't wanna see you cry,you don't have to feel this emptiness/

He hated himself so much and he didn’t leave his house for the following day and lived as if he was in a cave until his bestfriend Mark came on the morning of the third day. He knocked on Haechan’s door and after a minute of waiting the door was slightly opened enough for Haechan to see if it was his girlfriend.

‘’Man, whats going on?’Y/n is going crazy, why don’t you pick up her calls or answer her texts?’’

‘’I cant’’ said the other boy not having enough courage to look at his friend’s eyes.

‘’What? What happened,dude?’’ Mark sat next to him on the bed.

‘’I got accepted at the college of music and arts’’ Haechan mumbled,still not looking up.

‘’Oh my God, that’s fantastic! Congrats,man!’’ Mark hugged his friend with a big smile.

‘’Yeah it’s nice but the college is 5 hours away and me and y/n were supposed to study here. How am I supposed to tell her that we have to break up because of me ?”

‘’Whoa,whoa ,man,hold up. Who says that you guys should break up? You love each other so much its getting annoying and beside that y/n is good enough to understand you, you know this ,right?

‘’Do you think she would hate me?”

‘’No,no way, maybe she would be a little upset but its okay but I really think she would support you.’’

“you think so?” haechan finally decided to look up.

“ i know it,just talk to her,ok?”

“yeah,i must talk to her” he whispred to himself.

Haechan thought of a different ways to tell you and it took him one more day of ignorirng you. He felt even mote guilty but he just wanted to show you how much he wanted to study there.So in the end he texted you.

“Hi,love.Sorry for being a dick just got something really important i want to tell you about and i just really needed time to think about it and i can tell you everything if you come tonight at my place and once again im so sorry, i love you”

He knew that you were mad by the way you answered.

“ok”

at least you answered.

/'Cause I don't wanna feel like I'm not me/

Haechan felt really bad for ignoring you so he prepared something special.He made a picnic with candles on the floor on his balcony.When the doorbell rang he was trying to calm himself because the guilt was choking him.When he opened the door he was greeted by the cold look on your face making his pain twice bigger in the spur of the moment.

“Hey” was the only thing he could mummble in this uncorfomtable moment.

“Hi” you whispered feelingless although a little piece of insecurity could be seen in your eyes.

/Sunflower still grows at night/

You followed him to his room, the whole air filled with tense silence and when he closed the door of his room he stopped finally meeting your eyes now realising that are filled with a pure sadness.

“What happened,baby? You dont love me anymore?” you whispered silently but enough for him to hear and enough for his heart to break.You let your tears quietly fall on your face and when your boyfriend saw this he immediately embrased you in his arms.

“No,baby, how could you think about this? I love you too much, i’d rather die instead of leaving you” he whispered his hand gently playing with your hair and the other holding you even tighter.

/You know you need to get yourself to sleep,And dream a dream of you and I/

You sob for a minute more and then you look up to him.

“Then what’s the matter? What happened?” you stared in your boyfriend’s dark endless eyes as if you would find the answer in them.Still holding onto each other he takes your hand and leades you to the balcony. You gasp at the beautiful sight of what he has prepared for you.

“This is the least thing I could do for you after everything” he said as if he just read what you were thinking.

You both sat on the blanket on the floor ,feeling the warm wave of the candles as if it was hugging you.

“So i guess i will finally have to tell you”

/I promise I'm the one for you/

You nodded singlnaling him you are ready to listen carefully. “You know how much I love music,right? And you know how we are supposed to go to the local college but 3 days ago i received an email which said that...” he paused for a second and took a deep breath “ i am accepted in the college for art and music” he looked at you,taking another deep breath “the one i told you about some months ago”.

You just stared at him.No reaction,no word came out of you and he took this as a sign to continue.

“ i know how it sounds but this is college where is really hard to get in and when i applied was something like a back-up plan because i didnt think they would choose someone like me but it looks that they have” he chuckled to himself not daring to look at your eyes that was burning holes through him. “ y/n i know we had a plan and ruining it wasnt something i was looking forward to at all but i hope you can understand what a chance this is for me. i love you so much and the thought of having you 5 hours away from me kills every single part of me and i-“

“i love you haechan” you intereppted him.” i love you so much and i know how much music means for you and i cant tell how much proud i am from you because i do how hard is getting into a colleges like this one and-”

/Just let me hold you in these arms tonight/

its your turn to pause.

“ i wont mind if you go there and study” haechan looked at you with widened eyes ready to pop off their place “ i know its gonna be hard and i know that i will not be able to see you everytime i want to but i guess that this could be a challenge for us, like we live near each other, we went to the middle and highschool together and having you apart could only either make our relationship stronger or either we will end up breaking up” you both looked at each other seriously “i think that we are not kids anymore and we have to act like grown up people” your boyfriend nodded, staring at the empty wall probably dived in the mess in his head “ look i love you way too much and i know that you love me too so the thing is that i dont want us to break up just because we are scared of how the things will turn out” you pause reaching for haechan’s hand and hold it tightly and he responds to your touch in the same way.

/And so she sat me down and told me that I didn't have to cry/

“i cant believe how smart you are,y/n, you may be proud of me but right now im prouder of you and i feel that the connection between us is stronger than some 5 hours” you both smile warmly at each other still holding hands.

although you couldnt explain how much happy and proud of your boyfriend you were you felt a wave of sadness washing over you and it seemed that haechan saw that.

“baby, i know its gonna be hard and it probably wont be the perfect relationship but just think about all the trips we are going to have either you will come to see me or i will and in the dorm i will take as much as photos of you, of us i will take so everyone knows that im taken by the most beautiful and smart girl ever” he gave you a quick kiss on the cheek and you cuddled into him “and when i bring some of my new friends here ot when you come to see me im gonna show you off as if you are the only thing i possess”

/And then told me that she'll love me for as long as she's alive /

the huge blush on your face and the sparkles in your eyes gave haechan a sign that everything is going to be alright, that there will be you and him in the future and because the love you had for each other was stronger than the distance you were about to have between you and he knew that he is the lucky one to find you and he was gonna keep you,no matter what.

/Sunflower still grows at night/

masterlist

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raikoren · 4 years

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some onions bout the bnha manga since im reading it in jp nao

the more i read of bnha the more i realise. i kind of fucking hate this series. it’s got all the ingredients of the classic old big 3. brilliant art, a cool character here or there (sometimes), bursts of muddled clunky progression but a cool fight to soothe the pacing and the mostly frustrating boring uninteresting pussy story choices! the sloppy sort of toothless writing only shounen jump editors can give me. it really truly reminds me of how i felt reading bleach .. but it hasnt got the same charm to make me forgive it. the artist is really really talented though absolutely adore some layouts especially when handguy is included and we get some cool reaching illustrations. he and his team are commendable for making such polished work week in week out and its genuinely so fun to read from an art perspective and i really like the fact he leans very heavily into a much looser style that makes everything stretch in a satisfying way as if its designed for animation despite being so complex in its illustration.

its one of those series that is painfully mediocre shounen and you can immediately tell that by the fact that even in this hammy nonserious plot, somehow, the female characters still get completely fucking shafted as excpected. they literally do almost fuck all and the big three characters that get the most development and are considered in-universe ‘main characters’ all happen to be male despite the entire main cast supposedly being the absolute best of the best at the best of this top superhero school.

yaomomo is probably one of the most egregious examples. a character whos top of the class, who got in on recommendations (just like the other deuteragonist) with only three other students making the cut and her big character conflict was that she for some reason, felt inferior to todoroki shouto, whose initial character arc revolves around the fact that ‘he’s not trying his best’. it’s notable that todoroki is never considered to be some freak of nature genius in the same way other characters, he’s impressive but there are stronger. but for some reason, his superiority over yaomomo is pivotal to her character. she doubts her own decision making skills compared to his due to losing so badly at the sports festival against fumikage.

now lets see here: this fucking emotionally constipated idiot who is noted in writing to not using his full potential since he has no motivation to actually win, handicapping his own abilities for most of the time due to crippling personal issues, who ALSO completely jobbed at the festival and gave up at the last match against bakugou and suffered a humiliating defeat because he lacks shame and conviction and who ALSO got in on recommendations? todoroki is an interesting character in his own right, hes strong but his flaws are glaringly evident and interesting. but for some reason he gets elevated to this position of being yaomomo’s ‘wall’.

hes not a team player, yes hes notably perceptive but to position the realtionship between momo and him like this it feels like such a pointless angle to work in cause its so antithetical to yaomomos whole characterisation and contradicts her entire background for .. what? shes got such a strong natural-leader type personality or she is attempting to have one despite the author somehow forgetting. yes she’s nervous and panics sometimes, but i think her entire character arc is intended for her to overcome this as the main crux. there is no doubt that yaomomo is strong. she is excellent as a leader, works extremely well in a team, has a level head and every single time we see her the author always brings it back round to the fact she is an excellent strategist and everyone looks to her to make a tactical decision. almost like her entire character revolves around leadership and self-confidence.

but compared to how shes portrayed against a ‘tactician’ like midoriya for example you would literally never guess that about her unless they didnt spoonfeed it to you that yes, this character is supposed to be smart sorry we keep making her look inept despite her entire character skill and ability being completely and utterly centred around this main concept teehee.

even compared to yoarashi (who i love), who also got in on recommendations, she doesnt get the same level of merit in the fiction. shes never truly made out to be a big deal in the same way the others are which not only fucking blows but makes the story more and more of a grating power up treadmill like a classic shounen jump manga without any of the charm or love. interesting characters like yaomomo who have clear visions are easily pushed aside and their traits sidelined to put more emphasis on other characters.

plus when she does get to make a big decision the narrrative acts like ‘oh was it even the right choice?! did we even make it worse!???’ which would be an interesting introspection for the headstrong characters who jump straight into shit, a reprieve from the individual bullshittery they can pull off without consequence but even though we set this character up specifically to make the right tactical decision in a pinch were not even gonna give her that satisfaction of being a HERO in this situation in this hammy feel-good plot cause thats reserved for the cool main character. its truly fucking unbearable. in the next few panels the main big trio of strong characters are making thoughtless decisions left right and centre with no hesitation or comment from the narrative with no internal struggle but here we are .. at what should be the culmination of a character arc that just .. falls fucking flat. for one of the bigger characters in the supporting cast of the series.... man the writing is just so poor.

you could say that trying to set up some linear character development where ‘girl is strong > gets confidence shaken > confidence comes back’ struggle contrasting against her ojou-sama calm and secretly playful demeanour is meant to be interesting and give her depth but honestly its just played straight in the most truly boring way but its ok! todoroki said keep your chin up queen and shes fine now. hes gonna go save aizawa-sensei with no input, no plan and be a hero because being hero is just about being the main character! everyone else can fuck off. she really needed that validation since she most likely will not have her own achievements, being recognised by this moron is her progression as a character despite her own character arc being infinitely more interesting and nuanced.

i do not expect a lot from a shounen manga sir, i came in with middling expectations and to look at some cool art whilst i awkwardly practice my japanese and yet. here we fucking are. i keep reading this hoping we get some comeuppance or some result but man. i feel like bnha is actually one of the series i wont bother keeping up with at all. the practice was really good! dont get me wrong its a great light read but im honestly surprised at how skewed the actual story is compared to fanworks. i just wanted some easy jp practice but i became weirdly invested in this probably cause i have a huge bias with cool character designs and the anime production was so ambitious.

o yea and one other thing. with tsu, ochako and nejire being introduced as going on the hassaikai raid but then completely sidelined at the first boss, essentially being relegated to being the mob charas that fits the thematic needs of that one random villain character it was sooo fucking lame. it really felt like the midboss had more thematic weight than these three girls first big fight. they were truly only there to fit the ‘lust’ theme they couldve been replaced by anyone else with tits.

in that arc too, midoriya definitely stepped on my toes the most since he took up moments that i thought would be more meaningful and appropriate with the other dot-eye dude that fell compleltey flat with him, got to use possibly the coolest fucking villain as a beatstick meter to show idk he had even more of a god mode i guess sometimes thanks to taking eri into battle instead of ykno relying on the other UA students and also giving them time to shine rather than interspersing flashbacks and shit before every meaningful fight to show ‘hey look how much this character has grown’ in the most cop out sort of storytelling. jirou i think at least gets some life written into her with meeting her parents and the ua school festival arc showing her talents and passion but shes barely utilised too and hagakure is a literal noncharacter her gag is barely even included half the time. mina gets some characterisation but even then its in the form of through another male character, kirishima, and in both instances its like the two are fighting for the spotlight of relavance which is a shame cause theyre both cooooooooooooool aaaaaaaa. every single girl character just feels like an ‘add-on’ or an afterthought, even moreso than the already forgotten secondary cast of which the most interesting dynamics and characters libe (denki and fumikage are cool!).

plus one gripe is that literally 5 separate girl characters have the same “oho they have to take their clothes off for their quirk to work ohooohgoho! so nautghty guess it cant be helped” and that just makes me like. you fucking suck at this bro just be horny with your whole chest making them have a flimsy embarassed half-excuse to be horny is lame. if you wanna make horny characters just fucking do it! enough of this stupid preamble you have to shoehorn in to every character every fucking time. just make it slutty and move on. there’s no need to be so annoyingly coy about it. also UA is the best most prestigious hero course and the girls who are going to become the top pro heroes go to their internship and its a fkn beauty commercial and its like. if they were at least building towards some commentary that female pro heroes are treated less seriously than their male counterparts like with mt.ladys flirting and her immediate paparazzi who takes pics of her ass, or to show that to become popular it means some level of corporate gameplaying and fanservice, it could be something but theres literally zero effort to comment or build on it at all its literally just presented as is and played straight. this is what it means to be a girl hero. that’s all. no comment.

i feel like miruko was a half-hearted attempt to remedy the lack of girl heroes that are actually strong and not bg props but its like it just feels like its been written as they go along with no overarching theme, nothing being built on or anything to say and it just feels so unsatisfying to read. characters that are introduced regularly get used at beatsticks to show how strong they are and get obliterated soon after to serve to show how cool and totally serious this new villain is ykno??? its so fucking tired a really classically shit kind of pointless circling narrative, like nothing truly has any weight to it and everything is meaningless before one for alls almighty relevance and power and whatever the plot needs has suddenly always existed lol dont worry bout it bro it was totally always there heres a star wars reference!

imo outside of the mangas art, the best thing about bnha is the anime adaptation with the exception of season4. the concept of having a long running shounen but giving it ample time, and a higher ambition in terms of production value and having a just absolutely fucking solid staff really make the first three seasons of bnha anime. naturally the voice acting and sound is anime standard gold but the production cant be understated it pulls so much of the slack. the direction and pacing of the first three seasons is honestly really well done, it feels like stuff builds up with ample time and we get much more focus on the background characters even in simple ways like introducing new group shots etc that give them much needed characterisation. one of my fave episodes is s3e3 which gives us a feeling of actual life and interaction as the kids train hard and get to spend an evening together having a bbq and its honestly full of just like group shots, framing in a way that really truly makes it a believable group of good kids trying their best at summer camp and gives almost everyone some much needed screentime.

one thing i noted as well is that the anime really likes to drive home important emotional points for certain characters through some great character acting - like yaoyorozus pivotal fight with fumikage is barely a passing glance in the manga whereas the anime really captures her desperation and panic as she tries her absolute best to react to the situation, not giving up even as shes overpowered only to realise in horror shes already lost. theres so much more weight and time given to this match and tbh its annoying that something that is meant to be so pivotal is barely glossed over in the manga since its so important to her future character motivations. it feels like when these moments and the strength of the supporting characters is lacking, the main story beats become more and more blatantly repetitive. some of the best parts of the arc are the bakugo rescue plan but were always served a fresh bland helping of izuku midoriya being the main character over utilising the strengths of other characters in this pivotal situation. it’s not like theres any fear of giving other characters ‘origin’ chapters and handing over the reigns away from midoriya it just for some reason, the author chooses not to really bother fleshing out characters who dont have immediate plot relavance or not the main three which makes the whole cast weaker.

imo even the anime is suffering from the source materials holes and its own slightly shoddy choices in direction with season 4 for some reason deciding to faithfully adapt the awful pacing of the overhaul arc and faithfully make it as dry as possible and devoting a solid 6 episodes to the frankly lame school festival arc despite it clearly suffering for time in the first half. it also includes my new least favourite trope of cutting the sound design completely to a slow vocal track along with the most eye wateringly boring fight pacing it was literally like. sir i want to skip this. you are going to make me watch this stupid fight with the dude whos character motivations got explained to me three seconds ago? with a new power up for green boy? with no sound design so theres even less weight to this whole fucking fight? and youre not even going to let me listen to you say run? how fucking dare you do this to me. the anime adaptation cannot stand on its own two legs with the source material alone. it needs strong direction to patch up the holes or stellar animation to distract me since without either its truly a weak weak show.

i know i already talked about it but really wish overhaul and his whole arc was handled better since i felt like it had promise. the wild shift in tone as i was reading was actually pretty surprising and the whole premise reminds me of how fucking nutty and exciting the yorknew city arc in hxh was for that series. the possibility of building how the actual underworld functions, which is tantalisingly never truly talked about in a world of cartoony heroes and villains was interesting and i was ready to see what organised crime with fucking superpowers could bring to the table plus all the new characters really looked damn cool. but overhaul himself, despite his fucking amazing intro and his title of no.2 in the underworld after all for one was in like 12 chapters and the arc literally served to introduce a plot device then fuck off with all its characters immediately having no impact at all and not even utilising the introduced concepts of the yakuza, organised crime and drugs in the age of quirks in any fuckin way. the majority of development came from fucking flashbacks literally seconds before a fight and they were scarce with anything interesting. like SIR WHAT A WASTE I HAD FINALLY FOUND MY GRIMMJOW AGAINST THESE UNSEXY LoV LOSERS WITH NO CHARISMA AND YET everyone keeps telling me that it was just a weak arc and the others are better. but having read them i think its just emblematic of the sort of writing style which prioritises having cool ‘moments’ for its beloved main character over a a cool interesting solid story that produces amazing moments and has the insane shounen payoff that you expect.

my closing thoughts are that its at least a solid manga to read whilst eating breakfast a solid 3/10 and probably higher if you like little broccoli boy and for some reason want him to win. which i dont. he has a terminal case of unlikable bland shounen mc syndrome and the worst thing is that he didnt used to be like that, he grew into it. his whole character is such a waste to me, turning him into the chosen special one with the greatest quirk is the most boring path possible for someone who had such a strong desire and conviction to be a hero. that we see building themselves up out of their own merit for most of the series and then suddenly giving him the power of more quirks fucking sucks. having such a ridiculous power and such a devastating payoff kept his fights interesting and i think the fight where eri allowed him to use it at full power with no drawbacks was such a fucking let down. there were better ways for him to grow other than idk more quirks cause hes special. and truly outside of attaining more power to become no.1 he has very little conflict in his character after someone else goes out of the way to instill confidence in him its also very annoying that repeatedly were shown how hard everyone works to get into ua, to become the heroes they want to be but its always dwarfed in comparison to izuku and the whole fucking scene with allmight at the end of the kamino incident being specifically for izuku, instead of a rallying cry that you are next, every one of you must struggle to become the hero that you want to be - to bear the weight of the symbol of peace is not for one persons shoulders alone like its a shame cause the series spends so much time hammering home how these kids are the best of the best, the ones who really truly want it but theyre not really treated with the same regard at all and their struggles and improvement are nowhere near on the monumental level of midoriya.

i feel like the narrative has all the makings of something interesting, but somehow fucking hilariously misses its own point. truly ripping apart the idea of becoming the greatest hero, the ‘symbol of peace’, that becoming a pillar isnt any way for a human to live and glorifying one persons sacrifice for all our sakes isnt right and that the true insiduous evil of hero society is that it makes us truly believe that people are painted in black and white rather than many shades of grey and forces people to take on things they shouldnt, allows certain powerful individuals to enforce their own wills on the world and robs everyday people, the powerless and weak of any agency of how their society works. it acts like heroism is an inherent trait only afforded by the strong and that being anything less than the ultimate hero is a failure even if it means doing awful tings, like throwing away your children giving them mental scars, leaving behind whole families in the name of heroism falling in the line of duty being seen as some great honour, leaving kids to wander the streets since doing necessary but painful things are for better equipped people, right? wash your hands of it and let a hero deal with it. honestly i just want to see a weak supporting characters heroism. that was the charm of early bnha. ive had enough of this blind thoughtless heroism thats presented as the correct one, for the chosen few. i want to see the struggle for it, insatiable longing that you cant help pushing you on, but most of all i want to see the hero you can be in ways that are meaningful but yours alone and taking back the world inch by inch from the common villainy of our society with one person at a time, reaching out to your hand no matter how scarred. to look your dreams in the face and turn your back on them. tearing down the sun, shattering it into a million pieces, but the small shards shine brighter and can be held in mortal hands. but nah izuku is going to be all might super cop 2 dont worry bout it guys. dw he’ll also choose some poor fucking kid to bear this burden after he becomes useless in battle and we can discard him as a person and simply keep him as an icon since the narrative keeps allowing the villains to have valid criticisms against society but always dismiss them since theyre villains you know and youre not meant to actually think about changing society despite your position of power, just enjoy being no.1 whilst your alive and rinse and repeat pog.

i think thats why i can easily see why bakugo and todoroki are so popular through the series as they do take a long time to get through their extremely shitty issues and they are genuinely shitty little teen psychopaths who are horrible fucking bastards. but they grow up and in really tangible gratifying ways. they seem to have as many setbacks as they do wins, constantly fucked over by their own hubris but still finding a way to power through despite it all trying to awkwardly form connections and become better people as well as better heroes and they can not do so on their own. their struggles are treated with gravity and they always acquire some kind of new strength in return but at a pace that doesnt put them miles ahead of their other classmates but definitely feels weighted and substantial to their development. todoroki gritting his teeth but slowly realising that he has a fucking ridiculous opportunity in his hands with endeavours agency and even inviting his friends is monumental in its own way, endeavour texting his son and his son texting back is like. it really does feel like something. its also interesting that as broccoli boy gets stronger he gets subsequently less and less likeable imo like ... sir you are NO shirou emiya. you do not have the range or the sheer trauma to be so dogged and blind in your ideals despite the world you occupy and everyone else around you. i was sold shirou emiya superhero manga with sexy juwabe sunichi teacher and only one of those thigns is true!!!

#damn you ren #yea i just finished now and my head is busting open with thoughts #probably an awful word vomit of opinions but like. i just finished reading it and im like sir why do i do this #i have this awful illness its called being a shounen manga fan

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uncloseted · 4 years

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This is such a random question but i have no clue who to turn to im so sorry:( me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years but ive always secretly been attracted to his best friend. Shes really pretty and i always used to play it off in my head that i was jealous of her but i cant deny i really like her. A few months ago we were all playing spin the bottle and me and the girl ended up kissing and it felt so different to how it does with my boyf. (part 1)

(part 2) now at every party or anytime we all hang out we usually end up kissing or holding hands or something. Sometimes we even kiss in front of my boyf and he thinks im trying to impress him. Its not technically cheating because he says Its fine to kiss girls and that he likes It but I know the truth deep down is that I like her and so really I am cheating and sometimes right infront of him. I feel so guilty and I want to break up but everytime I try i end up backing out.

(part 3) before quarantine me and the girl ended up kissing in the toilet and it got really heated to the point we were about to have sex. I didnt go through with it and tried talking to her about it but when I said what we were doing was wrong she just said were both girls arent we its not like I like you im just drunk. Her saying that made me realise how much i liked her cos it hurt so much.

(part 4) a couple days later she offered to drive me home and we stayed up till 4 in the morning talking and ended up kissing sober for the first. I said again dont you think this is wrong and all she said was can we just pretend its not were both girls anyway. I dont know if shes in denial or she really is straight and just likes kissing or something. How do i break up with my boyfriend? And do i tell him the truth or is it best he doesnt know?

(part 5) im so sorry this is so long winded and a bit crazy i just didnt know who to ask i cant tell any of my friends about it or anything:( thank you so much i love your blog ive been reading for like 3 years and youre such a role model to me and such a lovely person you seem so smart and interesting sorry if this sounds dumb but i hope im like you when in older!! Not that youre old or anything! xxxx

Thank you, and I’m happy to help! First things first, I think you have to break up with your boyfriend. I know it can be hard and scary and guilt-inducing to break up with someone, but you’ll only feel guiltier the longer you drag this out. It’s not fair to him to be in a relationship with someone who’s not as into the relationship as he is, whether that’s because of sexuality or just a lack of interest. In terms of what you tell him, it’s up to you. I don’t think telling him that you’re leaving him for his best friend is the best move, but maybe say that you’re confused about your sexuality and you need some space to figure it out, or just that you’re not interested in your relationship anymore and feel like that’s not fair to him.

In terms of this girl, I feel like “we’re both girls so it doesn’t even count”, and “it’s just a fun drunk thing” are both classic “closeted lesbian” things to say, but it’s hard to know for sure. And even if she is gay, she might not be at a point in her life where she can admit that to herself or to other people. It sounds like she has some self-discovery to do. Maybe that will include you, maybe it won’t, but I think you need to let her figure this out at her own pace and not push her to be in a relationship with you if she’s not ready. I know that might be frustrating because clearly they’re something between the two of you, but coming out is a complicated process and people need to do it in their own ways. Either way, though, it’s good that you’ve come to this realization about yourself, and you should be proud of yourself for letting yourself be who you are.

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boylikeanangel · 5 years

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adhd anon here 1) your experience with adhd things that are dismissed in women so they go undiagnosed for a long time 2) rejection sensitive dysphoria!!! i just read about it and started to cry 3) what did you think about your mental health before you were diagnosed like what diagnosis you had for yourself unofficially i always had my eyes on anxiety but now i suspect something else i wonder what that is 4) hyper!!!!fixations!!!!! please and thank you

1) from what admittedly little I've read on it, ADHD tends to go undiagnosed in women (counting myself as a woman here because like even tho I'm nb I've been socialised and treated as female my entire life for obvious reasons) because it tends to manifest verbally rather than in physical behaviour. girls with ADHD tend to be excessively talkative which is often overlooked since ADHD is most commonly recognised through hyperactive body language and restlessness. A kid with ADHD manifesting in not being able to sit still is much more likely to get diagnosed than a kid whose ADHD manifests in them talking too much, which was the case with me. I haven't really looked into this side of it too much because my struggles relating to like. It taking so long to get me diagnosed wasn't because of my gender but because of the fact that I was a "gifted" kid. ADHD is seen as an intellectual disorder rather than what it actually is, which is a developmental disorder, so the general opinion is that ADHD = stupid, and someone like me, who is just overall very intelligent and always excelled in school when I was younger, couldn't possibly have ADHD. The fact that I was intelligent allowed me to fly under the radar until around GCSE's (16 years old for those who don't know) because school work didn't require much concentration. But when it got to exams and I actually had to put real effort in and do work past the six allotted hours a day and take the initiative to voluntarily learn and produce work, combined with the fact that I was able to breeze through 12 years of school without having to learn how to revise and study properly, the realisation that there was something wrong hit me hard and fast and I was forced to confront something that I simply hadn't had to think about earlier on. My lack of diagnosis wasn't necessarily caused by the fact that my ADHD manifested early on in my life in a way that was overlooked; it was mostly caused by not having to consider I may have a learning disability until I was expected to take my learning past a point that could be completed and set aside quickly and easily with minimal concentration involved.

2) (I'm gonna talk about the pre-diagnosis before RSD because it kinda feeds into that nicely) I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety when I was 12, and while I definitely think I was suffering from what the professionals call "low mood" at the time that was unaffected by my ADHD, I don't believe that those two things, at least now, exist separately from it. ADHD is often diagnosed as anxiety and/or depression, especially in teenagers and young adults, because the inability to concentrate and commit to anything is attributed to the lethargy and apathy of depression, and the rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) is attributed to the paranoia and forced asocial behaviour of anxiety. It's understandable considering the stigma around ADHD being "a child's disorder" that a lot of people with ADHD are labelled with depression and anxiety, but it can be so harmful to those who are misdiagnosed, simply for the reason that anxiety and depression are "temporary" issues. You can get therapy to fix depression and anxiety. You can learn it out of you. It takes time, but it's possible. That's not the case with ADHD. You can't CBT the ADHD away. It's something you're stuck with for life, and mislabelling the symptoms of ADHD as disorders that you can fix gives you false hope that one day, if you try really really hard, all of this will go away and you'll just be "normal" again and everything will click into place. I was failing all of my subjects, but I convinced myself that this inability to work through it was just a barrier I could overcome if I worked at it, because it was caused by depression, so eventually I would feel better and it would go away and I'd be able to magically fix my grades. But ADHD doesn't work like that. You can't prevent it; you can only learn coping mechanisms. The realisation that my inability to perform to the standards expected of me because I could just Not Do What Was Being Asked Of Me, even simple things like a worksheet or a research task, was not something I could just power through, brought about the realisation that the path I'd set out for myself of getting qualifications, going to university, getting a degree, etc. was impossible because the kind of things that were expected of me were things ADHD would not allow me to do, which was and still is crushing, and I've basically been forced to have to rethink. My entire future. And that fucking sucks. And all it comes down to really is that I wish I'd been diagnosed sooner. (I'd like to talk about this more in depth at a later date but this post is already so long so I'm just gonna leave it here. Basically: if you've been diagnosed with depression or anxiety but you suspect you may have ADHD, please assess your symptoms and see which they fit into best. You may have been misdiagnosed. It'll save you a lot of time and stress.)

3) RSD!!!!! IT'S NOT FUN!!!! I don't wanna talk about this too much because it just makes me sad but yeah I had no idea this was a thing until one of my friends with ADHD pointed it out to me and it was like the mist cleared and for the first time I saw clearly what the fuck had been going on with my stupid brain for the last however many years. RSD fucking sucks man. I've lost friends over it. I've missed out on a lot of experiences because of it. If you have been diagnosed with anxiety but you suspect you have ADHD, I am BEGGING you to read up on RSD. It's a very specific type of anxiety exclusive to ADHD and it definitely called me out more than once.

4) (I cant do much more of this because my head is killing me but I'm trying my best ok) hyperfixations!!!!! they rule my life!!!!!! and every single one is bigger than the last!!! every single time I get a new hyperfixation I'm like "I'll never care about anything else as much as I care about this" and then six months later I CARE ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE MORE. IT'S NEVERENDING. ADHD brains are wired to think about one thing All The Fucking Time, so everything makes me think of good omens. just like everything made me think of pacific rim this time last year. everything can be related to the hyperfixation. there are no exceptions. looking back on my childhood I definitely had a lot of hyperfixations that went unchecked, like the one with the hunger games when I was 11 where I would force my friends to play pretend games where we murdered each other in the fields behind our houses.....that and like. dinosaurs. basically every year or so I reshape my entire personality around a new obsession. I cannot just Enjoy things. I must Become them. and no one else gets it!!! NO ONE ELSE GETS IT. I get made fun of a lot by people around me for getting so excited and emotional all the time over seemingly tiny little things, which in turn plays into the RSD (ADHD is its own worst enemy for fucking real), which is why I enjoy being here so much. because like....everyone else is exactly the same. and I'm really thankful to have found people who feel things as strongly and care as much as I do. so....thanks for that everyone

if you want me to talk about anything else or go into more detail I would be very happy to but unfortunately it is 2am and I have a splitting headache and also I've typed nonstop for about an hour now and that's more than the stupid hyper dumbass idiot brain usually allows and now I'm exhausted lmao....but thank you for taking interest in this and I hope this. idk. helps in some way??? gn

#adhd #long post #ask

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