#i honestly cant believe i actually wrote this...

[catastrophic-dreamer]

there are a lot of things Law knows about: death, diseases, vengeance, regret, humans, monsters – to name a few. but there are even more that he doesn’t, things that encompass the whole spectrum of humanity, the entire scope of emotions and memories – things that might have been and things that can never be. a surgeon of death dreams, too.

bumping an older fic about my dearest baby boy Law - reread this recently and i still love it so much and idk, my writing might have peaked here

and here's a bleeding law because the fic is aching and full of yearning but also soft and hopeful about the future

#trafalgar law #one piece #one piece ff #law #there are many characters in the fic too #corazon #donquixote doflamingo #ok im not going to name all #character study #but honestly this was great and i cant believe i actually wrote it lol

[aaronhotchnersworld]

aaron hotchner x bau female reader

I honestly didn’t like how I wrote my first oneshot, the one of y/n getting shot. I feel like I wrote it poorly so i’m going to try to write it again and just change up a few things

—

Stay with me

We are in Ohio for a case.

We just found the location of the unsub, after 2 weeks. Well actually unsubs. plural. The unsub has a whole team of people working for him. We don’t know how many they have but there are 7 of us, Aaron, Emily, JJ, Spencer, Derek, David and me.

We all quickly put on our bullets proof vests before heading to the suv’s. I got into an suv with Hotch and Prentiss.

We all arrive at the abandoned building, it is huge. Due to the fact it’s so big we all have to split up.

As soon as we enter the building, gunshots come flying our way.

We all quickly duck down and begin firing back. They all begin running in opposite directions.

It’s exactly what they want, for us to split up.

I turn and run in the direction I just saw one of them run. He turns and shoots at me, barely missing me.

He runs out the doors and I quickly run out after him.

All of a sudden, I hear a gunshot, and I fall onto the pavement.

Was I just shot?!

I feel the blood start to pour out of me as I become cold. I cant move, no matter how hard I try.

I can feel myself being surrounded in a pool of my own blood.

I can’t tell if i’ve been laying here for 10 seconds or 20 minutes. My eyes are so heavy, but I know if I close them now there’s a chance I won’t open them again.

I hear someone say my name.

Next thing I know, Hotch is kneeling down next to me putting pressure onto my side.

It’s bad. I know it is.

Tears roll down my cheeks.

“you’re going to be okay y/n. It’s okay,” He says but I can hear the panic in his voice.

I just look at him.

I’ve never seen his face like that before, the pure panic. He always manages to keep a straight face, even when dealing with the most horrible criminals.

But I can see it in his eyes that he is scared.

Tears continue to roll down my cheeks and he wipes them away with one hand while his other hand is on my side.

“it’s okay you’re okay,” he reassures me.

My eyelids become even heavier and begin closing.

“keep them open”

I open them again. I think Hotch has tears in his eyes.

“H- Hotch,” I say but he’s screaming for someone to get a medic.

I begin to choke on my blood and he quickly turns me on my side.

“Aaron,” I try to say but it comes out as a whisper.

“it’s okay I got you y/n. you are going to be okay”

I can tell he doesn’t even believe the words coming out of his mouth.

I can feel my body shaking. I can’t control it and i’m so cold.

“i- im cold.”

“i know, it’s cold out here but it’s okay you’re gonna be okay,” he says but I can sense the worry in his voice.

I can feel his shaky hands and he so desperately try’s to stop the bleeding coming out of me.

I wasn’t cold before. He knows it’s not a good sign.

My life begins to flash before my eyes.

I remember everything.

I remember how happy I was when I got accepted into the fbi.

I remember when I first started at the bau 7 years ago and how much I have grown to love everyone on the team.

I quickly snap back to reality as Hotch applies more pressure.

I can definitely see the tears in his eyes now.

I’m not ready to die. I can’t die.

“aaron”

He looks at me and I see a tear fall from his eye. I never used him first name, unless something was wrong.

“i- im not ready to die. please don’t let me die,” I practically beg him.

“you are not going to die. I got you. You will be okay y/n,” He says, I can hear his voice crack.

“please just stay with me,” He says desperately.

“i’m scared,” I manage to get out. I’m terrified and I know he is too.

“I know. It’s okay I got you and i’m not going anywhere I promise. you’re gonna be okay,” He says fearfully.

There’s only so much he can do for me. He’s not a paramedic, he’s an fbi agent, a very talented one but he only knows so much when it comes to gun shot wounds.

My eyes become even heavier and my breathing is extremely shallow.

“you need to stay with me okay? you are one of the strongest people I have ever met. Keep your eyes open.”

He’s trying to be strong for me. But I can tell he’s just as scared as me.

I need to tell him. just in case I don’t make it. He needs to know.

“if- if i don’t make it-”

He cuts me off as tears stream down both his and my face. “you are going to be okay”

“aaron please”

He just looks at me

“I- I love you,” I say.

I hear him let out a sob. “I love you too y/n I always have. Keep those eyes open. Please.”

He’s covered in blood. my blood. It’s so much blood.

I knew the risk when joining the bau. the risk that I could die. But I never thought it would actually happen to me.

The pain begins to go away and I start to feel numb.

“i- im n- not in p- pain,” I say choking on my blood.

I didn’t think any more look of panic could appear on his face but it did as soon as I said that.

I should be in pain. I know i’m slowly dying and he knows that too.

“The ambulance should be here any minute. Just keep those eyes open alittle longer,” He says as tears trickled down his cheeks.

I try my best. But I don’t think I can.

“i- im sorry,” I say as my breathing becomes even shallower and my eyes close.

The last thing I remember is Aaron begging for me to open my eyes and stay with him.

———

I don’t take my eyes off of her. I keep pressure on her side.

Her lips and fingers are turning blue.

Tears continue to slip from eyes. where the fuck is the ambulance?

I hear sirens in the background but i’m too focused on y/n to comprehend anything. I can’t lose her. I just can’t.

“aaron the ambulance is here,” derek says as they rush over.

They quickly take her from me and put her on the gurney.

“if we don’t leave now she won’t have a chance. i’m sorry but unfortunately no one can ride with us. There is too much work that needs done.” and then they leave.

“how the hell did this happen?” I cry out.

“I don’t know but I shot the son of a bitch that did this to her,” derek says and I can hear the anger and fear in his voice.

I look down at where she was. There’s so much blood. too much blood. I’m covered in blood. the grounds covered in blood. y/n was covered in blood.

“we need to go to the hospital now,” I say.

“You’re not driving aaron, I am.”

“no i am driving”

“you are not in the right mindset to drive, give me the keys so we can go,” derek tells me.

I give them to him.

We all gather into the multiple suv’s and make our way to the hospital. She has to be okay. I need her.

———

“how is she,” I immediately ask as I see the doctor. The rest of the team stands aswell.

“She lost a lot of blood. It was touch and go for awhile. Her body is too unstable so we had to put her into a medically induced coma, it will give her body time to heal. She will be in a lot of pain after due to the bullet, it did alot of damage, more than we originally thought. She will be okay and you guys can visit her if you’d like. She should wake up within the next day or two,” the doctor states.

Relief rushed over me. She’s going to be okay. Thank god. I feel tears fall from my eyes and I don’t even bother to hide them.

The doctor shows us to y/n’s room. She looks so peaceful. I feel terrible. She didn’t deserve this.

———

It takes a lot for me to open my eyes but I do it. so many bright lights. Is there a tube in my throat? oh my god i can’t breath. I need to get this out. I begin to thrash and grab the tube when 2 large hands pull my hands away.

“no no no don’t take it okay the doctors coming y/n it’s okay you’re okay”

I calm down at the sight of Aaron.

A doctor rushes in to take the tube out of my throat.

“y/n, glad to see you’re awake, i’m Doctor Stone”

“are you in any pain,” he asks.

I nod.

He puts something in my iv, asks me a few more questions before leaving. I could barely answer him. I’m so exhausted.

Aaron has been here the whole time but the team gathers in here as soon as the doctor walks about.

It’s dark outside, I didn’t realize it was 3am. The team stays for about 30 minutes before saying their goodbyes.

Aaron is still here.

“are you staying,” you ask him softly.

“I was planning on it, are you okay with that,”

“yes”

This is the first time you’ve gotten to be alone with him since you woke up.

“how are you feeling,” he asks softly as his hand lays on top of your.

“terrible,” you tell him honestly.

He frowns.

“do you need anything?”

you hesitate to answer.

“it’s okay,” he tells you.

“i- im scared aaron. can you just hug me please?” you plead as tears fall from your eyes.

He doesn’t hesitate to move closer to you and engulf you in a gentle hug. “it’s okay you’re safe now,” he whispers to you.

“you should get some rest,” he says as he pulls away.

“i’m not tired”

“you do realize i’m a profiler, you can’t fool me,” he says and I smile.

“you look like you haven’t slept aaron”

“if you get some rest, so will I”

“deal,” you say.

he shuts the light out and leaves on the little lamp next to your bed and makes his way to the couch.

I try to fall asleep but I can’t. I’m in pain and i’m just scared.

fuck.

“why aren’t you sleeping,” you hear aaron say.

“why aren’t you,” I reply.

“y/n,” he says as he gets up and sits in the chair right next to me.

“i just- my mind keeps racing. what if I died? What if you never found me? what if you found me dead? I don’t want to put you and Jack through that,” I say as my voice cracks.

He takes my hand into his.

“listen to me, you are okay. You don’t have to worry about what might have happened because I found you. You are okay y/n/n. Nothing is going to happen.”

I just smile at him.

“now come on, try and get some rest. i’ll stay right here until you fall asleep.”

“you don’t have to do that aar”

“i want too,” he says as he strokes my hand.

My eyes become heavy and I quickly fall asleep knowing he is there.

———

It’s been 10 days and i’m finally being discharged. Aaron and I were still in Ohio and the rest of the team left to go home yesterday.

“are you ready to go?”

“yes,” I tell aaron.

He helps walk me outside. I can walk, it’s just very painful to do so.

“you stay here, i’m gonna get the car,” he says as he smiles at me.

———

We’ve been driving for about 2 hours.

“how much longer?”

“we still have about 5 hours”

I sigh, “i’m sorry you have to drive all the way back just because I got hurt”

“dont even worry about it y/n. I don’t mind, really. I enjoy spending time with you. I’ve been thinking, the doctor doesn’t want you to be alone. Do you want to stay with Jack and I?”

“I’d love too but I don’t want to intrude,” I say softly.

“you could never intrude y/n and I know Jack would love to see you.”

I smile. I love Jack. “thank you aaron.”

I lean against the window and close my eyes, letting sleep take over.

———

The next time I wake up, I feel Aarons suit jacket on me. It smells just like him.

“We are about 20 minutes away from my place, do you wanna stop at your place for anything first,” he softly asked.

“no i have everything in my bag.”

It was currently 3am and we just arrived at Aaron’s house. As I get out of the car, I lean over in pain.

Aaron rushes over and puts his hand on my back.

“are you okay? what hurts?” he asked urgently.

I just nod my head.

he grabs both of our bags and helps me into the house and guides me to the bedroom.

“you can sleep in here y/n, i’ll stay on the couch”

“no no no please I don’t want to take your bed.”

“y/n it’s okay I don’t mind.”

“I- I don’t really want to sleep alone,” I whisper feeling ashamed.

He sits next to me on the bed and grabs my hand.

“okay that’s okay, i’ll stay in here with you, okay?”

I nod as a tear falls from my eye.

He gently wipes it away.

“let’s go to sleep,” he softly says. He helps me get under the covers. It’s very painful.

I wince in pain.

“I know i’m sorry,” he says sympathetically.

He goes over and shuts off the light and gets under the covers with me.

“Can I move closer to you,” I ask quietly.

I don’t think he wants me to move because he moved closer to me.

I lay my head on his chest and he strokes my hair.

“I like you Aaron, a lot,” I admit.

“and I like you even more,” he says as he kisses my forehead.

“go to sleep y/n” he whispers in my ear

———

I wake up to noise coming from the kitchen. I realize Aarons not in bed anymore. I try to get up, but immediately wince in pain.

Aaron walks into the room and rushes over to me, “hey hey hey what are you doing?”

He helps me up and guides me into the living room, letting me sit on the coach. “Y/N,” I hear. Jack. He runs over to me and gives me a hug. “Hi buddy,” I say as I giggle.

“I hope you feel better,” he says softly.

“thank you jack.”

“why don’t you go get it for her Jack,” aaron says to Jack.

i’m confused. What is he talking about?

Jack comes running back with breakfast for me.

“Daddy and I made you breakfast,” he says excitedly.

“Thank you both so much I appreciate it,” I tell them with a smile on my face.

Aaron sits down next to me while Jack walks to the bathroom.

“you guys didn’t have to do all this for me,” I tell him.

“yes we did. You’re hurt and you need to fuel your body to get better.”

“Thank you Aaron,” I say and lean my head on his shoulder.

He kisses my forehead.

“I will always be here for you y/n and so will Jack. You two are the most important to me.”

I smile as he says that.

“Once you get better, i’m gonna take you out on a date, how would you feel about that,” he asks with a smile.

“I would love that,” I say with a big smile on my face.

#aaron hotch fanfiction #criminal minds #aaron hotch hotchner #aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner x fem!reader #aaron hotchner x you #aaron hotchner x female reader #aaron hotch x reader #hurt/comfort #jack hotchner

[gaylordscooter]

Log of the Multiverse: Nightmare

hoo boy i got shivers just writing down their name.

i'm doing their entry before dream's because, like ink, i'll let him write his own. too bad he's so incredibly busy all the time

now nightmare, his brother, the guardian of negativity. they're terrifying. i can't believe they're dream's twin. they hardly even look like a skeleton.

Thankfully they're nowhere NEAR as active as Dream is. in fact, it's a rare sight to see them for the average person. unfortunately i'm with a group of loony people that happen to be the only people nightmare would seek out from time to time.

i actually got a sticky note i wrote on after i encountered them for the first time

[there's a somewhat crumpled sticky note taped on, it reads:

their touch hurts, presumably because of the goop (speaking of goop. no idea what it's made out of). reminds me of the time i spilt hydrochloric acid on my foot on accident. however, it doesn't actually leave a wound or lasting pain, like touching fire without getting burned

you’ll know they're near when you get a heavy feeling in your soul, similar to blue magic but if it hated you.

negative feelings fuel them. it’s like their food. would being happy drive them away?

they don't kill as long as they find you useful apparently im “a cesspool of anxiety and guilt that provides a plentiful amount of energy”. i hope they choke on my feelings.]

i forgot about that last bit. moving on

they've caused quite a bit of commotion back in their peak. they were on par with error in terms of disturbing universes. they just had. different methods (such as, killing loved ones in front of people, making people live out their worst fears, spilling people's very important secrets, manipulating people who are close to hate each other, ruining the happy endings of many universes) they're a lot more sadistic than error. i suppose that makes sense. they ARE the guardian of negativity.

now i was still in my universe while that was happening, i'm just paraphrasing what ink told me.

and then they just suddenly cut back. they stopped doing all of that.

ink expected this, obviously. he knew how their script goes. (of course he cant TELL me what happens in his script. he can only drop hints and even then he tries not to, to play it safe)

what i do know is that the balance between negativity and positivity is Very much out of wack. what i don't know is what the consequence of that is. yet.

I'm gonna go on a limb and say it's nothing good and buckle up for the ride.

wow it sure sucks knowing something bad is gonna happen and being powerless to stop it. how the hell does ink do it.

side note: ive been calling them the "guardian of negativity" but i don't actually know what that entails. same with dream's title as "guardian of positivity". honestly i don't think either of them know either.

i guess dream's positive all the time, like he can't even feel negative emotions

oh my god im stupid. he literally can't, can he?

then that would mean nightmare cant feel positive emotions. that's. wow. huh.

shit. well, i'm gonna have a chat with dream. or ink, if he doesn't want to talk.

#blue's (totally not diary) log #(btw these entries are out of order cus im sillayyy)

[tinadablackthorn]

my thoughts while watching dps:

SPOILER ALERT !!!!!!!

oh my god why do all the guys look the same, i can barely remember movie characters names as is. this is just gonna make it harder 😭

neil is so adorable, i’ll punch anyone who hurts him

fuck neil’s dad not letting him do the school annual honestly i already don’t like him

omg they’re going to make asian parents so proud. neil gonna go to med school. those two other guys idk their names, mr future lawyer and me future banker

mr keating making the students rip the pages j evans pritchard wrote i’m not sure if he has a severe grudge on that guy as if he’s insulted his mom or he’s just a cool teacher

i made my mind. he’s a really cool teacher and i wish every teacher was like that

“poetry, beauty, romance, love.. it’s the reason most people stay alive.”

omg they’re gonna go to the cave that’s for the dead poets society???????

awwww todd is so cuteeee <33333

i swear to god these boys look like they’re trying to start a cult. sneaking out in the middle of the night wearing long black cloaks and hiding in a cave to tell stories and dancing around the fire

“truth is like a blanket that always leaves your feet cold. you push it, stretch it, it’ll never be enough. you kick say it, beat it, it’ll never cover any of us. from the moment we enter crying, to the moment we leave dying, it’ll just cover your face as you wail and cry and scream.” i swear, who hurt my child todd? i’m gonna kill them

ew i hate party scenes in movies, esp if it’s like a teenage club. it’s a really big ick for me

I SAID I HATE NEIL’S DAD FUCK HIM FUCK HIM neil literally not the lead role in the play that’s the next day, can’t he tell his dad he’ll quit tomorrow????

broooOo neil was so good in the play it was amazing!!!!!!!!

FUCK NEIL’S DAD FUCK NEIL’S DAD FUCK NEIL’S DAD FUCK HIM HE CAN’T SEND NEIL TO A MILITARY SCHOOL AND THEN MED SCHOOL TF DOES HE REALISE NEIL HAS A LIFE TOO

HOLY SHIT NEVER MIND NEIL DOES NOT HAVD A LIFE ANYMORE

IM CRYING

IM CRYINGG.

NEIL WHYYYYYY

YOU COULDVE JUST RAN AWAY

😭😭😭

THEY’RE ALL CRYING PLEASE NOOOO

BRO TODD’S REACTION BROKE ME

HE’S SAYING IT’S HIS FATHERS FAULT. HIS FATHER KILLED HIM

TODD NOO DONT GO

maybe he just needs alone time

mr keating noooo don’t cry

OMGGG CAMERON ACTUALLY WENT AND TOLD THE SCHOOL SO NOT THEY’RE AFTER MR KEATING ????

he actually believed the school???

GO NUWANDA GO PUNCH CAMERON’S ASS

OHMYGOD DID THEY ALL ACTUALLY SIGN THE PAPERS AGAINST ME KEATING??

TODD NO SIR SIT DOWN THAT’S EMBARRASSING

AWWW NO ACTUALLY THAT’S SO CUTE

AWWW

WAIT WHAT NO THAT’S THE END????

THAT CANT BE THE END WHAT

OH WOW

OH MY GOD I WILL NEVER RECOVER FROM THIS

OHMYGOD

#dead poets fandom #dead poets society #dps #dps fandom #dps boys #todd anderson #neil perry #dead poets #dp spoilers

[anatrik]

First thoughts TTPD:

What a lana x folklore girlie win this issss!

1.Fortnight is about matty?? HAHAHAHA also why did this make me think of when holt was going running with the ladies when he was in witness protection??? Crying. Fav line has to be they were supposed to take me away but they forgot to come and get me. So sad but also so cool in relation to her cancellation/return. 10/10

2. TTPD- not so hahahaha anymore IS THIS ACTUALLY A FUCKING MATTY HEALY ALBUM??? There was a typewriter at the 1975 show she performed anti-hero at? Unless its somehow about harry? Who else is tattooed on her roster??? Or is this about herself? Kinda feel like modern idiots/who’s going to decode is directed at us lol😂 9/10?

3.My boy only breaks his favourite toys- went in expecting mad woman rage. Pleasantly surprised. king of my heart to queen of sandcastles he destroys….DESTROYED ME. Are you fucking kidding me rn? Im caling it. Best song. Im crying at 7.30 am this is not funny anymore. Also THANK YOU FOR NOT SLANDERING DAD. I knew you wouldnt let us down like that. Also the chorus sounds like long story short😭 oh this is so sad. Once i fix me hes going to miss me? He was my best friend?😭 he runs because he loves me? Stopp😭😭 1000000/10

4.Down bad- ….aaaand we’re back to MATTY AGAIN? He does not deserve this spotlight but why are all the song so goood😭😭😭 is this why artists love to date problematic men? It unlocks some extraordinary potential? Crazy crazy girl😭 also stay down (bad) 🤌🏾 shes done it again 10/10 also for personal reasons i will be believing this is about joe in that Tom/Joe/met gala overlap period when she was photographed going to the gym a lot and that this is about all that yearning please let it be about that plesplesplesplesplesples also down bad waking up in blood staring at the sky…like i lost a twin is giving bigger than the whole sky🥺

5. So long, london- so so long long, lon-don DONE? ok miss girl😭 the hoax parallels😭 dont be undoing the song i was going to play at my weddddding what is wrong with you😭 my only one my smoking gun to two graves one gun youll find someone??? Also reminds me of la la land :/ how much sad did you think I had in me? You wrote hoax so a lot ok leave us alone. crying again. 10000000000000000/10 oh lol its a track 5 ofc it is😂

6. But daddy I love him- she really said if you ever liked, shared or even LOOKED at the ‘vivaa las vegas’ memes you cant come to the wedding and shes so real for it. Lfgggg. Ubothered unhinged uhmazing. Growing up precocious sometimes means you still hold on to that princess/quarterback wattpad fantasy AS IS YOUR RIGHT QUEEN GO THE FUCK OFF🥳 100000/10 calling out toxic fandom for the first time and we love to see it🫡 this is suchhhh a happy songggg you deserve ALL the chaos and revelry.

7. Fresh out the slammer- god she gets it. Like sure he was great and he is still my biological father and everything but as a decidedly melancholy person myself who has constantly had atleast one close friend in a deep depression I can see how all that heavy lifting can just get heavy at some point especially when youre a partner and their sole lighthouse in wtv storms be out there buffeting their mental health. Its not for everyone and thats so fair and so valid but so sad as well. 10/10 for the honesty.

8. Florida- she really said girlrot summer🫡 this is the lanaest song ever. So lucky one/nothing new coded. This will be the First song I repeat and then so long london. Aaaghhh how i love a self aware melancholic anxious little superstar. 90283749292/10 thank you for giving florence an entire verse whew. Little did you know your home’s really only a town you’re just a guest in is soooo going on my body forever

9. Guilty as sin?- honestly just fuck if it means we dont have to hear about how desirable ratty healy is man ffs. IThe only reason he looks so hot is bc hes forbidden. You have to trust me on this. He’s sooo mid JESUS. U cant be writing hozier lyrics about a man that hasn’t met a shower😭 1000000/10 writing. -16392992/10 content. Unrequited love/lust truly is the greatest weapon in a poets arsenal bc where is this energy in the joe songs binch?😭 this is such a teen in love with a 26 yo creep who called me so mature for my age mom you just dont get ittt anthem😂😂

10. Who’s afraid of little old me?- is a warning 😂 im so here for it. Like yes I still hate matty with all my heart and soul but yes I agree fans should not be allowed so much of an opinion on another persons life and yes I should be afraid (I am). She said aight love letter era over I AM WRITING YOU ALL HATE MAIL AND I’M HAND DELIVERING IT. Shes sooo done pretending to be the relatable girl next door when she’s anything but and is now reminding us of it and yes yes yessss girl OWN ITTTTTTTT. I’ve been saying for agesssss that there is a darkness under all that sunshine from where she clawed her way to the top and this is sooo vindicating. 10000000000000/10 favourite song ever. Mad woman wishes she was who’s afraid of little old me. I am unwell. I am in love. This is the Taylor Swift i stan. The marketing genius the calculating business woman the puppet master with narcotics in her songs thats why we sing along🫡 she so can handle a dangerous man

11. I can fix him (no really I can)- you cant.

12. loml- ofc. OFC. Its the saddest song of all time. OFC. Fuck offf ughhhh. 😭😭😭😭😭 its giving happiness. Its giving divorce. i am a child of a broken home now and my parents still love each other and hold so much regret still. What do i do with thissss? Im just a little girl taylorrr! 1002380292011010101/10 soo so gooood.

13. I can do it with a broken heart- first of all track 13. Love it. Second of all the upbeat barbieness of it all. Third of all I FINALLY PLACED IT. Shes in her unrelatable era. She is not your girl next door. You will never understand her life. She is as much a phenomenon as a person and we literally only see as much as she allows us to and honestly if i have to get put in my place theres noooo better way to have it done. Im having such a great time actually. 10 BILLION TRILLION OUT OF 10 you tellll em girl you FUCKING TELL EM.

14. Smallest man who ever lived- not going to speculate on who it is bc they clearly had a serious problem and its not a joke but damn :/ thats so sad :/ hope they get help? Didnt expect this to be what the song was about at all?

15. The alchemy- she said TRAVIS IS MY BOY WITH HER WHOLE CHEST😌 10/10

16. Clara bow- did she just name drop herself ? I was so right about unrelatable era. Also the Subtle nod to olivia/sabrina noted and appreciated. Lucky one/castles crumbling (mature version) fr fr. Solid legacy song.

17. The black dog- shared your secrets with and location is the same whiplash as a red rose grew up out of ice frozen ground with no one around to tweet it🤌🏾 joe songs hit so so different 😭😭😭 1000000000/10

18. imgonnagetyouback- the valiant roar was not so valiant and more of a mew i guess. 7/10

19. The albatross- oh this is the ONE. The album defining song for sureeee. Mad woman on coke. A rose by any other name is a scandal???? Thats my religion right there. Little last great American dynasty twist there at the end! Fuck yea. She does reallly try to warn the men in her life have to give her that. One gazillion/10

20. Clearly god has favourites and they are the ppl called chloe or sam or sophia or marcus😭 ALSO this song is about joe for sure. The internet starlet hasss to be delaney rowe!!!! It HAS TO BE. 10/10

21. How did it end?- shes back for the fans😂 plot twist the breakup is with yall🤌🏾 but yesss say it louder! One gasp and then how did it end. So good. 100/10

22. So high school- lmao aristotle grand theft auto ONLYY taylor swift man😭😂 you know what you want and boy you got her🫡🫡 11/10

23. I hate it here- mother’s having a mental breakdown kids yk the drill🤌🏾 10/10

24. ThanK you aIMiee- what better way to say fuck you to a hater than to thank her for jumpstarting your legacy my god!!! She is insane for this. The capitalisation is a bit petty tho ngl. 8/10

25. I look in peoples windows- once again I thank you for the kindness and respect shown to joe. Never doubted you but thank you nevertheless. 10/10 short as nice to have a friend but it didnt need to be longer.

26. The prophecy- its so sad and humbling to see even a woman at where she is having to beg for love bc that literally is the nature of love. Something humiliating, to have to beg for 🤷‍♀️ cards playing out like fools in a fable cursed like eve got bitten. No one writes like her damn. 10/10

27. Cassandra- very madeline miller on this one. Love love loveee modern takes on tragic greek women. 100/10

28. Peter- ah fuck. This one is going to hurt (it did). 1000000/10 my ribs get the feeling she did😭 all her joe related aches are so bone deeeep ugh. Promises oceans deep but never to keep😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 oh god it hurtsss it hurts it hurtss

29. The bolter- curious child ever reviled except by her father wow.

30. Robin- OMG! I needed this song growing up sooo bad. That way to go tiger felt so so warm like running into a kitchen after a day of being in the mud and u tell ur mum the silly things u did and shes genuinely interested and impressed by your smol victories. A bajillion/10

31. The manuscript- postmortem of every ex ever🤌🏾 love it.

#taylor swift #anatrik #ttpd #fortnight #clara bow #but daddy i love him #the smallest man who ever lived #loml #my boy only breaks his favourite toys #down bad #so long london #fresh out the slammer #florida #guilty as sin? #who’s afraid of little old me #the alchemy #i can do it with a broken heart #first thoughts #the tortured poets department #my writing #the black dog #the albatross #chloe or sam or sophia or marcus #how did it end? #i hate it here #thanK you aIMee #i look in people's windows #peter #cassandra #robin

[arikaluvss]

-(OT7) How bf!Enha met their s/o-

Parings: Bf!Enha x fem!reader, bf!Enha x afab!reader Genre: fluff, established relationship (???) Warnings: none! just a full fluff

-> Lee Heeseung !! He met you in a dating app (well I guess you could tell it was an ldr??) You and Heeseung haven't met personally, so after a year 'n a half on the long distance relationship, he wanted to meet up and you agreed since you also wanted to meet him. The day of meeting up you got dressed nicely and went to the airport waiting for him, while you were waiting someone suddenly back hugged you, you turned around immediately and saw Heeseung infront of you smiling ''Hi my love'' You tackled him to a big hug and look up at him since he's taller than you. ''wow..your really here now..You look more handsome in person, love'' you said while touching his face softly because you couldn't believe it, the love of you life is right Infront of you right now. ''I'm here now my love..I will spend every single second of my life beside you, forever''

-> Park Jongseong !! You met Jay in a photoshoot you had for Prada (HEAR ME OUT. I feel like jay would fit in a model au smthg) You we're almost done with you photoshoot but Jay approached you, ''Hi Y/N..I was wondering if I could get your number? I want to be friends with you, you did a great job earlier too!'' you eventually gave your phone number since why not? Then the next day he would text you asking you too meet up and ofc you agreed after that you both would go on multiple ''friend'' dates, you started developing feelings for him, I mean who wouldn't? he's an absolute husband material. After a couple of months of the continues dates, he confessed his feelings and you reciprocate his feelings. You both started Dating after that, I could imagine him taking you out on a fancy restaurant. Would not hesitate to announce his relationship with you on his socials.

-> Sim Jaeyun !! You both met through your brother, Jake was your brother's bestfriend. (I had no ideas left huhu I wrote sun,hoon and jake last) Your brother needed to go travel to another country for business purposes and needed someone to look after you, so he called his bestfriend; Jake, to look after you for a week, Honestly for your case you were happy since you like Jake, He was a big tease and would flirt with you any chance you get since he just loves seeing you flustered (he likes you btw !!) you both go on friendly dates and after that your feelings started growing more and more each day. One day he left a note on the table saying that you to meet him at a restaurant and to dress nicely, after you read it you immediately dressed up and rush to go to the restaurant only to see him at the table with flowers in his hands and he confessed his feelings to you, asking if he can court you, You were surprised but happy. After a few months you finally decide to answer him and make him your boyfriend.

-> Park Sunghoon !! (this one is a bit long than the others!) You both met at the ice rink. (actually this one is quite cliché but idcidc) Sunghoon brought his little sister to the ice rink, while they were ice skating. He needed to buy something so he left his sister there for awhile, but then his little sister was confused were he went or where he is, she looked at the whole area but sunghoon wasn't there, so she started crying then you saw sunghoon's sister crying sitting on the ice and you approached her, ''hi..im Y/N, why are you crying..?'' the little girl explained that she cant find her brother so you helped her find her brother andd after a bit you both found sunghoon waiting in line for something, the little girl ran to him immediately hugging him ''Sorry sis..I forgot to tell you..Thank you for helping her..Ms Y/N'' after that you would see the both of them almost everyday in malls, parks and restaurants, one day when you saw them again in the mall sunghoon approached you and asked for your number, ofc you gave it, the next day he would text you and asking if you would want to go on a ''friend'' date with him, months past by and finally he confessed to you.

-> Kim Sunoo !! You both met through a mutual friend! Your friend, Wonyoung introduced Sunoo to you, in a party. You and Sunoo got along with each other instantly, (+Wonyoung introduced sunoo to you because sunoo had a crush on you since highschool and wanted to talk to you but he was shy so when he knew wonyoung was your bestfriend he begged for her to help him get closer to you) after that day you both would talk more, you both decided to be seatmates, eat together at lunch time in school. Sunoo flirts with you sometimes and you would get shy everytime, He takes you out everyday and always sends small gifts, you were developing feelings for sunoo, every night you would look at you and sunoo's picture together and smiling nonstop. Eventually you confessed to him and you both started dating after!

-> Yang Jungwon !! You met Jungwon in a Cafe where you work at (ORR it could be at the garden!!! I can make a separate one! i just feel like it suits him ykk) Jungwon was popular in your neighborhood because he was handsome and cute, but he studies in an all boys school so girls cant see him much, well as for you, you don't focus on that stuff, you focus more on studies so you don't really know about this ''jungwon'' guy, One day when you we're working, screams were heard from outside, you look up to see a young, handsome and cute guy, you immediately fell in love (love at first sight ?? OKAYY I'm not saying anymore!! I'm actually making this a smau orr!! written, I'll post spoilers soo please look out for it !! &lt;3)

-> Nishimura Ni-ki !! You both met in a gaming cafe !! You two was teammates in a match (you saw his user in his screen soo, he also knows) You and Ni-ki was well known for being the best players in valorant, you actually wanted to talk with him and possibly play with him but you were having second thoughts but now was the perfect time, after that match ended, you nudged ni-ki and told him how amazing he was in playing, and praised him for his skills, Ni-ki also compliments you for your skills and asked if you both can be mutuals, since he wanted to play more with you. You immediately said yes and gave him your number. You and ni-ki would always talk nonstop and playing, After a few months you both started dating.

© arikaluvss

#arikatalks #arikawrites! #jungwon x reader #jungwon smau #heeseung x reader #heeseung smau #sunghoon x reader #sunghoon smau #sunoo smau #sunoo x reader #jake x reader #jake smau #jay x reader #jay smau #ni-ki x reader #ni-ki smau #enhypen x reader

[meloriri]

bsd 108 spoilers !!! + F Dostoevsky’s crime and punishment spoilers i guess

im not totally convinced that fyodor’s act was completely fake honestly and ill explain why! this is just a quick thought not fully thought out so bare with me

i’m sure this is common knowledge but character backstory and personalities tend to be ripped from the author’s works rather than the actual author’s personality. Example; Akutagawa and the mc of rashoumon, dazai and the mc if no longer human, etc. if not inspired by the main character, they’re inspired by the theme of that work or many of the author’s works

f dostoevsky’s crime and punishment is a novel that follows Raskolnikov, a main character who literally kills someone because he thinks he’s special and he can. ( obviously a lot more in depth in the book lol) the book follows him in the first segment committing his crime and another segment of him receiving “punishment.” The first part is actually over fairly fast but it’s still really important to note.

while Raskolnikov is a lot more anxious and cautious than fyodor, i still see the personalities intersect. Raskolnikov goes on about how he’s going to commit this murder and thinks that it actually makes him a saviour because the woman he wanted to kill was a bad person. aka; he’s killing this lady because it’ll make the world a better place, according to him. Sounds familiar? Fyodor in BSD does his wrong doings claiming its to cleanse the world from evil. I’m sure most people already know this, but I thought I’d catch you up anyway. Raskolnikov is a man of few words, never seeming to lose his composure past the drop of a facial expression. He’s incredibly intelligent in most regards and because of that he overlooks his own flaws. He’s also kind of neurotic, he talks to himself, does things on impulse, etc. He’s not good at socializing and yet he can blend effortlessly into conversations with others. He feels a lack of remorse at any of his wrong doings. I see all these traits easily in BSD’s Fyodor.

However, in the second half of the novel, Raskolnikov faces some changes. He says he doesn’t feel guilty, and he still believes he’s in the right, and yet there’s a sense of guilt in his inner conscience that’s eating away at him. Suddenly, he gets nervous, expressive, emotional, he’s rushing to defend himself because he thinks what he did is justified because of his circumstances. He thinks he needs help. Raskolnikov doesn’t face actual punishment for his crimes until the very end of the novel, instead he struggles with the inner turmoil of knowing what he did. In the most recent chapter, Fyodor has this personality switch break down where he screams out for help and basically says he cant control it because of his ability and thats not his true self, referring to the him that apathetically kills others. Similarly, Raskolnikov breaks down multiple times in the novel, saying that the him that did that doesn’t represent him fully, that he couldn’t control it, etc. He victimizes himself, saying it’s because he’s poor and ill. In fact, he tells another character named Sonia that he cant control it because he is ill. Sounds familiar?

Raskolnikov backtracks several times in the novel, reverting back to his apathetic personality before breaking down all over again. At one point, he even confesses his entire crime, before suddenly taking on a light carefree looking and claiming to have been kidding. Literally EXACTLY what just happened with Sigma in the manga.

I don’t fully believe that Fyodor was telling the truth, but I don’t think it was all just a lie like he claimed. I personally think that the note and gun WAS from himself, that he wrote the “help me” in a similar crazed panic and hid it away. When he saw it, he was reminded and broke down again, accidentally spilling a bit too much truth in what he said. He snaps back into being normal after calming down and acts like he’s still in the other personality to trick Sigma. And, given what he said, this is somehow related to his ability.

How is it related to his ability? I have NO fucking idea. Though we have seen Fyodor with another form of himself in dead apple claiming to “crime” and “ punishment” which would check out perfectly here, theres too many other contradictions for me to be confident in that at all

What do you think??? I’m going to work through my thoughts about his ability more. then maybe I’ll add to this :)

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #bungo sd #fyodor bsd #fyodor analysis #character analysis #bsd 108

[leonave]

https://www.tumblr.com/leonave/730002993985060864/cant-believe-fresh-tv-wrote-the-most-complex

Asking you to explain

YAY im glad someone actually asked

so i'll give a very brief* explanation why but i may elaborate further as i post. read my ramblings under the cut

*it is not brief

basically i just think its interesting that they seem to be each other's opposites in terms of mentality and also how they view their own relationship. and its not in a romantic or opposites-attract way, its genuinely unhealthy for the both of them.

sky, while honestly interested in dave, wants nothing romantic during the competition. she is assertive about her boundaries and prioritizes what is best for her and her team. but she is only human after all, and her own crush on dave does eventually interfere with the competition despite her best efforts to manage it

meanwhile, dave is constantly begging for her attention, her validation, and a relationship from her, but doesnt actually like her as a person? he lets sky (or at least the possibility of dating her) take total control of his actions but isnt interested in her thoughts, feelings, interests, etc.

but the one thing they do have in common is that neither of them see the other for who they really are. sky has these expectations of dave that she wants him to live up to, (possibly because her boyfriend back home doesnt meet those expectations himself, but im getting ahead of myself) and dave sees her as his saving grace, the only one who understands him.

this miscommunication leads to the both of them acting like the worst version of themselves to each other in a desperate attempt to be heard.

i could go on and on but that'd just be rambling so i'll cut it off here. thanks for reading !!!

#total drama #total drama pahkitew island #asks #character analysis #sky tdpi #dave tdpi #tldr dave and sky were doomed from the start #im very VERY bad at translating my thoughts into written word so sorry if this sounds weird or clunky #tdi #total drama island

[heart2beom]

Hellooo I’ve said this as an anon before but I absolutely love your writing! Unrelated, but I was wondering if you have any Beomgyu fic recommendations? I read everything I could in the long post containing fic recs on your previous 4beomy account and I loved every single one of them, but now I can’t find anything left so I’m just rereading my faves LOL Thank you! (And also, thank you for writing! Again, your fics make me so happy)

You’re sooo sweet, thank you for complimenting me not once but TWICE 😭😭?? In terms of recs, I honestly have no idea if I’ve read anything much lately so I had to quickly cruise through my likes both on here and my old blog 😭

I present to you the list of beomgyu fics I’ve decently enjoyed (hopefully no repeats from my other list):

-> Message in a Bottle by @delacyrose224

very cute stuff, best friends to lovers...everyone knows at this point, but i'll forever express my love for this basic ass trope (i literally have a full list of books for b2l. the best romance books come from this trope!!!). one thing i loved about this fic is the portrayal of beomgyu-- just a genuinely good guy. the way he was discreet about his jealousy instead of making a whole deal about it, like fuck i love a mature, healthy dynamic, its so freaking cute

-> Night In by @tqmies

a dark fic, but its so good. i especially liked the fantasy element/twist on a common trope. everything about this is well written but the ending will give you some heebie jeebies (cant believe i just used that) its some fucked up shit 😭 um but b2l beomgyu!! (shoot me in the head)

-> A Recipe for Love by @tinietaehyun

who doesnt love a good old b2l beomgyu roommate fluff!?!?! it's soooo freaking cute i swear i never giggled so much 😭 this writer in general is very good with words and imagery, it's incredibly vivid.

-> how could you not know? by @angelbythewindow

have you noticed the pattern? yeah, it's another b2l. i LOVED the use of flashbacks here and the cute usage of the childhood "beanpole" nickname like shut up do you want me to die? the emotions here were OVERPOWERING. i felt everything beomgyu felt, felt everything mc felt, it was just sosososososo well written.

-> Why We (Don't) Work by @cafeseoulmate

haha. definitely not another b2l!!! i never included this on my other blog's rec list (bcs i dont think it was out at the time) but it is my most recent reblog on 4beomy so i'm fairly sure you've seen it. but regardless, for anyone else who's looking for beomgyu fics, please please please READ THIS. i wouldn't say it's a plot sort of story, it builds off of a lot of flashbacks and whatnot, but that's what makes it so great. like you get a feel for their relationship, why both characters just wouldn't work out (hence the title) but then the more you read the more you're like...alright... YOU KNOW?? like fuck, i almost teared up by the end it was such a cute love confession. a must read for all the bamtoris.

-> slam dunk, lover boy by @qqtxt

just absolutely cute stuff. check out everything from this blog, just binge, you're guaranteed fluffy cuteness. nothing really happens between the two here, but its still really cute and ykw i wanted some change here, so this is a sprinkle of e2l beomgyu

-> Stood Up by @imaginidol

okay, it's angst, i'll be straight up. but idk it was an enjoyable read, even though a little sad at the end 😭

-> Moonflower by @sleeping-sirens

really sweet short stuff, i love beomgyu i swear

-> somniferous confessions by @gyu-xiao

i don't usually read bulleted fics (this is the only one i've read actually 😭) but this is worth the read. i genuinely squealed a few times, giggled like tons, it was so adorable i loved it.

-> be my date by @blossom-hwa

honestly a little bit of a blur, i read this ages ago, but it's good because blossom hwa wrote it like trust me.

-> i know i love you by @universecorp

tried really hard to not include smut but this is definitely a little more plot driven than it is smut, it's sweet. a little angsty but i love it. smut at the end is definitely skippale, just concluding it as the fact that they made love is cute enough too 😭

-> check yes, juliet by @fairyofthestar

-> Yours Truly by @boba-beom

so so freaking cute. we're back with the b2ls but who cares, we all know it fits him so well!!!

-> old friend by @hueningshaped

a little bit of a spin on the fake dating trope and i love it. exes pretending to be lovers? hello? i'm so happy the ending wasn't hard hitting 😭

Fics I'm looking forward to read:

-> The Case by @tinietaehyun

not beomgyu centered but idk i love everything this person has written so far so i'm going to tackle this series. give it a read, i'm sure this'll give someone a good mindfuck since it is a detective series 😭

-> Ashen by @writingmochi

i think i might read this tonight actually, but yeah definitely check this one out. i can sniff out a great writer when i see one!!!!

-> Newsflash! by @ijhyo

teaser has me hooked, like everything about the secret identity...yeah, will wait on it.

-> This Love by @delacyrose224

ive always thought a beomgyu and taehyun love triangle would be a recipe for a perfect fic like… it just makes so much sense because theyre so different in personalities and that clash is just a perfect storm for a love triangle. so i will be reading 🙏 plus, it’s decently long! does it get any better?

Hopefully I got you covered for a couple of days anon 😭 I'll go back to reblogging recommended fics again once I get my shit together at uni, too many good writers out here 💔

#also howd you go through that fic rec list #90% of the links are broken 😭?!?!

[dabiscrustyfeet]

1 are request open

2 if so can I request a sequel to the demon king and mc story

This is for everyone who wanted a part two of the bullying of the demon king (honestly thanks for all the comments, and I’m happy you guys liked what i wrote <3)

And yes requests are open!

Mc meeting the demon king [part 2]

After that encounter with the demon king, you found yourself wondering how the heck you survived. Sure, you didn’t expect to make that old man mad, but you certainly didn’t expect to have to teach a grown demon a lesson on respect. Guess there will always be surprises in the Devildom.

You made your way back out the mausoleum territory, and back into the main city. Demons all around you are wondering why on everything that is unholy do you look mad for : they do not want to know therefore they steer clear from you lest you unleash your power on them [they are scared shitless of whatever the seven lords might do to them if they find out].

You saw on your way a lady who you befriended during your time in the exchange program, a maid in the demons lord castle. She seemed to be doing some shopping, so you went to say hello. The young Ida seemed pleasantly surprised and you both had a bit of a small talk, you know, catching up. She did say that the seven are present in the castle, which then peaked your excitement yet again. So you said a goodbye, and for no other reason than being a menace, you whispered in her ear ‘By the way, i mistaken the mausoleum as Dia’s castle and bullied the demon king.’

Poor Ida stood there frozen while you skipped away with a smile on your face. She looked around her, and then looked at her hands in shock and disbelief. She then looked above her and found herself uttering words she thought she would never say, ‘Great God in the heavens above, have mercy on me.’

After terrorising the poor girl, you reached the actual demon lord’s castle. You opened the huge doors, and felt the familiar warmth cover you like a blanket. You sighed in happiness, and smelled the fragrant tea of the one and only Barbatos.

As you walked down the hallway, you spent your time looking and waving at the portraits around you, the painted women and men waving and smiling at your return. You could hear some laughter and chatter down the hallway, and your heart rate picked up.

You were now a sheep on a mission : you picked up your pace, getting closer and closer to the chatter. The door was closed yet you can hear the familiar laughter of diavolo, and the chatter of asmo and satan, the bickering between Levi and mammon, and the soft snores of Belphie.

You stood in front of the double doors - gifts in both hands, raised your leg and kicked the doors open. And you yelled, ‘Hello my good bitches!!!! Guess who’s back!! It’s me and i have presents for y’all!’

Silence. The brothers, the butler and the prince stared at you. 2 seconds have passed and you were beginning to think that you might need to book another therapy appointment for them. Then Mammon moved first. When mammon moves, chaos comes after.

‘OMG MCCCC YOU’RE BACK!!!’ Mammon exclaimed, picking you up and twirling you around. Beel decided this was a good time to take you out of mammons grasp and nuzzle you sweetly. ‘I missed you mc, food didn’t taste as good as it did before without you here.’

Only God knows where the hell Satan appeared from as he stole you from beel and squeezed the absolute shit out of you. ‘I cant believe you’re back mc, i got bored of reading without you, but i do have quite a bit of recommendations for you,’ he said with barely contained happiness. Asmodeus plucked you out pf satan’s grasp with a surprising amount of strength and kissed the both of your cheeks. ‘MCCCC!! You don’t understand how much I missed you!! Nobody in that house cares for good makeup and the fashion shows i do, which is utterly ridiculous, but now that you’re back, we can do so much together again ♡’

Before you could even reply to him, Belphegor and levi pulled you away from Asmo, the both of them nuzzling into your neck. 'I thought you’d never come back and see me,’ Levi exclaimed dramatically. ‘There are so many games i wanna play with you and SOO many mangas to read MC! Oh thank goodness you came back!’ He rambled. ‘I miss napping on your tummy, can we have a nap now MC?’ Belphie mumbled. And, yep, you guessed it, you got stolen away by Diavolo. ‘OHH MC!! You have no idea how much I’ve missed you!! It was so boring without you and i had so much work to dooo,’ he whined.

Ain’t nobody gonna lemme speak, huh, you thought. As if lucifer read your mind, he ordered the brothers to let you breathe. ‘We’re all glad you’re back here MC.’ Lucifer smiled, shocking you to oblivion (he musta really missed you if he smiling in front of everyone).

Barbatos chuckled at your shock and, as the ever knowing fine ass demon he is, he said, ‘I take it you have some things you want to tell us, hmm?’ Well aint he an angel, you thought. And besides, that gave you the chance to talk about your adventures in the demonic mausoleum. ‘Oh yes i do,’ you nodded excitedly. You made everyone sit down on the chairs and sofas and placed some tea and food along with the help of barbatos (he wasn’t going to listen to you telling him that it was fine, best you let him help you, says it chivalrous). ‘Okay now that we’re settled, tell us of your trip MC,’ Diavolo said, barely sitting still.

‘Soo, when i came back to the devildom about, two hours ago, I accidentally thought the mausoleum was this castle,’ you spoke as if you were talking about the weather. It was almost comical how all there jaws dropped, and you could’ve sworn barbatos’s jaw made a click noise. ‘You….what?’ Lucifer had said faintly. ‘Ya heard me. And that man had the audacity to look fine as fuck but had no class or respect,’ you replied, with an air of someone who was born and raised to be a spoiled and stuck up child. Flicking you hair over your shoulder, you decided to observe the room, yet again. The sins were all frozen, Diavolo kept fanning himself (he looked like he was about to faint), and Barbatos, shockingly, pulled out a very expensive looking decanter full of high end Demonus, and filled a wine glass with it.

The first to recover was, surprisingly, not Mammon, it was belphie. He started shaking, and just as you were about to ask if he was okay, he started cackling. By cackling i mean he sounded like an evil little witch. Tears were coming out his eyes, and he didn’t seem to be breathing. You would’ve been concerned if it weren’t for the fact that lucifer drilled into your head that demons don’t really need to breathe. Belphegor was still laughing like a maniac, rolling on the floor laughing, and the rest of his brothers stopped looking so frozen and just- stared at him in concern. Diavolo stopped fanning himself just to look at him with mild amusement and Barbatos just gave the youngest a side glance while sipping his third cup of wine.

‘That was- that was a nice joke MC, great joke even,’ Sloth said once he calmed down. Now, you are one human that has many feats any ordinary human would dare try, so, were you offended, yes, you were. But before you could give the cow a piece of your mind, Mammon said, in a daze of course, ‘Belphie, they ain’t lying bro. I can feel his magic all over them.’

‘Tell me EVERYTHING,’ both Levi and Asmo exclaimed, a glint in their eye reminding you that these two could very well end many careers if they felt petty enough to do so. ‘Alright lemme start at the beginning, my good heathens,’ you replied with enthusiasm, and swiftly taking the decanter away from Barbatos (he was on his thirteenth drink lord knows how he ain’t drunk), you began the story of your encounter.

‘– and thats how I got the King himself to obey me,’ you concluded. When you focused your gaze to them, diavolo, barbatos and all of the brothers apart from lucifer had a look of awe in their wide eyes, with Lucifer fanning himself with a peacock feather fan, yet a look of complete respect to you in his expression, even if you almost given him multiple heart attacks throughout the story.

Without a word, barbatos handed you a black and gold wooden seal with an intricate insignia on it, small enough to be attached to a keychain. ‘Whats this, Barbie?’ you asked, turning the smooth insignia around in your hands, feeling the little carvings in the seal.

‘A seal that can transport you directly to the demon lord’s castle, so we dont have a repeat of what happened,’ he replied, patting his cheek with the Egyptian cotton napkin you bought him, and somehow pulled out another glass of wine out of nowhere and drinking it. ‘As much as I’m glad that you have defended my lords name and honour, i don’t think we need a repeat of what happened,’ barbatos said, lucifer agreeing with him.

‘Man i can’t believe that you disrespected the KING HIMSELF and lived,’ asmo exclaimed, looking very much like he needed to run around and tell everyone he knew about this.

‘As expected of MC,’ beel said, munching a on a whole three tier cake.

‘I meaann, is it really shocking? MC has always been like that, they stood up to every one of us and thats got them pacts with us, so its not really that surprising. I wont be surprised if the king ends up wanting a pact with them,’ mammon said.

Whats suprising is you saying something smart for once mammon,’ satan snickered, causing the chaos to returning with mammon lunging at him, Belphie being dragged in and him dragging asmo, who dragged levi into the scuffle, yelling and shouting filling the place once more.

Finally managing to get the decanter and the glass of wine from barbie who pouted, he has a rEpuTAtion so he can and will deny that he did and noone will believe you, you took a piece of cake for you to just discard while you walk away with the frosting- srry ill shush now before almost being scared shitless by dia who materialised next to you.

‘Thank you,’ he whispered, a look of adoration and respect in those golden eyes. You smiled and nodded cus ya mouth was full and you have manners (i hope 🤨), squeezing his hand in reassurance.

Then all hell broke loose when you were dragged into the brothers’ scuffle, with asmo’s whining about his shirt and mammon holding satan in a headlock, and your whining when your hair got ruined by asmo holding you down, who said that if his hair’s ruined yours has to be too all while lucifer face palmed, and barbatos and diavolo snickering at him.

But despite all this, you smiled and thought, ‘i wouldn’t trade this for the world’

#obey me #obey me mammon #obey me lucifer #obey me shall we date #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me! #swd obey me #obey me swd #obey me nightbringer #obey me solomon #obey me simeon #obey me diavolo #obey me barbatos #obey me nb #omswd #omnb

[caitie-likes-talking]

Part 4 Critique: Everything I'd Change

I love DIU..however, I consider it one of the post flawed of the JJBA Parts. Honestly, I feel like Araki didn't fully know where he was going with it til halfway, which is why the plot can be so janky. No matter what, let's dive into it. First, characters.

(also quick disclaimer: this is all my opinion and i am biased for MANY things.)

if u diagree w me dont tell me i think it would crush me

Characters [Josuke, Jotaro, Okuyasu, Kira]

Josuke Higashikata

I LOVE Josuke. I think he's a lovely character concept and his design is really cool. My main problem with him is literally his LACK of screen time!! He is the Jojo of this part, yet his spotlight is constantly stolen by other side characters like Koichi, Rohan, and even Jotaro. This also happened a lot in Part 3, with it basically being the Polnareff show (idk why Araki did this sm in pts3-5...either let the mc have screen time or don't have them be the mc!!)

I think Josuke had some of the most missed opportunities in DIU. Especially with his relationships with other characters. I think this part could've been way more interesting if it chose a solid theme, and one that I think would've made sense is commentating on death & tragedy and how that can impact personal relationships. The reason I believe this is because there's already easy set ups for this in the story. Ryohei's death, The Nijimura Brother's family, Reimi, Shigechi, and Jotaro all have that theme in place, but not enough connecting points or real arcs related to this. What was the point of killing off Ryohei (who was the only father figure Josuke had growing up) if you're not going to show how this impacted Josuke, Tomoko, and how he acts with others besides one single page? Sure, it taught him that his powers have limits and that he can't save everyone, but that was a stupid thing to teach him because Okuyasu doesn't fucking die when he should've!! Like why did we make an arc saying 'hey stands aren't magic they can't bring ppl back to life' just for EXACTLY THAT to happen??

Moving on, I also have problems with his stand. I LOVE Crazy Diamond, I think it has a super cool design and power concept, but personally I wish it's powers were more grounded and had clear limits. I feel like a lot of stands suffer from this treatment of vague power limits (ex: Golden Wind..) but my problem with CD is that there were MANY opportunities to add one! For example: we know Josuke couldn't bring back Ryohei even after using his stand on him. So that bears the question: what can CD not fix? What is the real reason it can't bring a dead person back to life? Jotaro says "No stand has the power to bring back the dead" WHY?? am i missing something? Have I forgotten when it was officially established that stands cant do that? I mean, literally in part 3 there was a stand that could reanimate corpses. So does it have to do with the soul? No matter what, I would've used this moment to establish that CD can't bring back ANY living thing. I actually wrote a short fic abt this and included the fact that he also couldn't "fix" a dead leaf. I feel like overall his stand needed more grounding.

Also, I have beef with Josuke's backstory, but I'll get into that later.

Jotaro Kujo

Ok firstly, I have MAJOR beef with his design in part 4. Mainly the fact that he's drawn extremely pale in the anime. Like..obviously he COULD be pale as he is wasian (im not trying to say all wasian ppl look the same), but he is TAN in part 3. Why did they take that away?? Pisses me off to the extreme. At least they fixed it in p5+6. Anyways..

Character wise, I really enjoy Jotaro's personality in p4. I like how he's mellowed out in comparison to p3. However, I feel like he needed a more clear role in the story. He showed up to figure out grandpappy's shit, and then took the leader role when facing Kira. Why don't I like this? Because most of the time Jotaro was just..there. I think Araki wanted him and Josuke to have a mentor/student relationship (ex: rat episode) but just didn't focus enough on them or Josuke training with his stand for this to work.

Also, the fact that it took Jotaro so fucking long to figure out who Kira is WITH the help of all those other stand users is so goofy. Like him and the gang back in '89 found Dio's ass from a goddamn microscopic fly in a photo but couldn't find Kira's identity?? Like ugh he almost redeemed himself with the button thing but then he got blown up like gosh what happened king

When it comes to stands, I forever find it stupid that Jotaro didn't work with his stand to become more powerful. Araki just had to nerf him (which is something he does with most reoccurring characters, ex: Joseph). I don't like it and it pisses me off.

With the death of Ryohei, I feel like it would've made more sense for Jotaro to somewhat open up to Josuke and be a bit more sympathetic towards him about it (or maybe he stays closed off until Josuke explodes, causing Jotaro to reveal the truth about his past.) Either way, I think the two of them could've bonded over shared grief.

Okuyasu Nijimura

I absolutely ADORE Okuyasu. I think his dynamic with Josuke is really fun to watch and his personality is just overall super enjoyable.

Stand wise I do think Araki slightly nerfed him by making him dumb as fucking rocks, but I let this slide a little more just bc he's a side character..

I honestly think Okuyasu has the best character arc out of the whole part 4 cast. I think he definitely deserved more screen time, but what we got was really solid in my opinion. His relationship with his brother was well developed and it was really interesting to see how it still affected him even after his brother's death. The way he felt a need to get revenge for his brother and still felt like he wasn't enough really hit me in the gut. I love him.

When it comes to Okuyasu's "death" I have very mixed opinions. On the one hand, ofc the goat of part 4 survived. On the other hand, I feel like him surviving goes directly against the idea we've been given since the beginning. You can't save everyone. And on the one hand, I enjoy the subverting of expectations. On the other hand, I don't like how it's still just never fully explained. I guess in JJBA as long as your soul doesn't feel like dying yet, you won't. I wish we saw Okuyasu actually speaking to his brother when he "died" however. I find him and Keicho's relationship really gut-punching and that would've been a fire scene imo.

I have more to say on him, his dad, Keicho, and the arrow, but I'll save that for when I'm talking about the plot.

Yoshikage Kira

I find Kira to be a really interesting villain. I really enjoyed every moment we got going deeper into his psychology and it's something I really wish we got to see more of. I enjoy his sleek design and he's fine asf tbh.

Im not gonna give commentary on his stand rn bc honestly i dont fully remember how that shit worked by the time he was using the arrow

Character wise I just really wish he was established as the main villain sooner. The build up and hints dropped about him were so addictive, so it's disappointing that they're only there a little before his full introduction.

The psychology of Kira is something I really liked. The way he truly believes he's never really done anything wrong and only wanting to live a peaceful life is something I wish was even more looked into. Also, correct me if I'm wrong, but from my memory, in the manga Kira's whole thing with his nails growing quicker when stressed/when his need to kill is getting too strong was only psychological. At least, I don't remember them growing the same way it's shown in the anime. I think this would've been something really interesting to deep dive into. The fact that he believes his nails grow when his need to kill is really high is really intriguing and the overall connection between hands and his killings are something I wanted to be fully developed more. I know it was kind of just a weird ass fetish but like..that's interesting!! this is interesting!!

I'll probably make an individual post to talk more abt him.

Plot

Where do I even begin. The plot of part 4 is all over the place. I loved many episodes, and I enjoyed when it leaned more into the slice of life style, but why the fuck where there like 3 seperate plots? Honestly, cut out Anjuro. His whole plot shit was annoying as hell. Didn't care for him.

Akira's entire plot pissed me off. I only like this arc because of Okuyasu. Overall I found there to be a lot of plot holes and just annoying parts. Everything til Kira was like this for me. Like get to the REAL plot please.

The arrow annoyed me. I've never wanted to rip my hair out more than when Kira's dad got a hold of it. He was SO GODDAMN ANNOYING. I like the concept of Kira using the arrow to get allies or ways to cover up his plot, but most of the stand users that came out of this were annoying and Kira's dad was insufferable in the worst way possible.

I think something I wish was more covered by the plot is the aftermath of Part 3 and Dio in general. This is something that CDDH (best jojo spinoff) covers really nicely, however. Go read it.

I also just in general think more should've been done w Okuyasu's dad, as he is a direct aftermath of Dio.

I feel like a lot of the women in Part 4 were set up to have strong, actually plot-influencing roles, but then were totally side-lined. I'm going to make a full post abt this tho.

Reimi being connected to Rohan never made sense to me. Just narratively speaking, why did you connect the main motivation for catching Kira to a side antagonist instead of the main character? This is slightly fueled by my hate for Rohan but like, c'mon! I think it would've made more sense to 1. just not include Rohan so fucking much and 2. connect Reimi to Josuke's past.

Speaking of Josuke's past, I feel like it just..needed more. Or at least, I think something needed to be done with the boy who saved him. I can appreciate the idea of it connecting to a theme of the general kindness of strangers, but you don't see that theme pop up as much in the rest of the plot. Also, I again would've connected Reimi to Josuke because WHY ISN’T SHE CONNECTED TO THE MAIN CHARACTER OH MY GOD

Overall tho I like the vibes of part 4, i really enjoyed different arcs and characters, and I just wish Araki got more time to flesh everything out and refocus on certain themes and characters.

#jjba #jojos bizarre adventure #diu #diamond is unbreakable #jjba part 4 #josuke higashitaka #jotaro kujo #okuyasu nijimura #yoshikage kira #plot review #critique #just my opinions #i love part 4 i swear #josuke is my fave jojo #review #commentary #manga #manga analysis

[opinated-user]

Genuine question? Do you guys hate what lily writes because you think stuff like that shouldnt be written or because she has done it irl/thinks its not bad irl?

Idk im probably missing a lot of context, but when reading about what yall have to say about the stuff she writes it reads like you think thats stuff shouldnt exist in fiction and is a reflection of anyone who writes that kind of stuff.

Im still against LO because what shes done is completely fucked and i can tell from the evidence ive seen that she definitely projects onto her work, and tries to cover it up.

But i cant agree that people who write or enjoy that kind of content are automatically fucked up or cant see the difference between enjoying such topics in fiction and in reality. If that's what you're trying to say.

i said many times (but not lately so that's my fault there) that if all LO ever wrote was stockholm or any other fic i'd have never cared about her as much as to do a whole blog dedicated to her. i won't read that kind of content out of anything more than morbid curiosity, but i also don't care about existing by itself and as long people aren't trying to shove it to my face without warning, i don't care for the readers either. if i honestly thought that LO wrote all of that just to be an edgelord and there's nothing more to it, she doesn't actually believe any of it or isn't sincere about it, then you wouldn't even see me talking about it in the first place. the issue here is, as you pointed out, that LO clearly project herself a lot through her works, that even she admits are self indulgent and a power fantasy for her, that she said explicitely that she uses them to deal with her "issue with intimacy"... and those work also happened to be the ones where there is a very consistent abuse/pedophilia apology theme all through out. LO is the one who talks about how she sincere is on her works and how much they mean to her, so you can't make the argument "fiction vs reality" here because she's not treating it like that. she's treating her stories as thing she'd actually like to happen and when those things include raping children and women while they're unconscious, only to later be lauded as the good guy exactly because of that raping, i think that's very valid to call out.

LO does not want there to be a separation between herself and her art. so let's not make it. again, in case it wasn't clear, this is entirely a LO thing. not about bad things happening in fiction that i don't like.

#lily orchard

[my-castles-crumbling]

Dancer anon advice

Hi all! Someone wrote me about some advice, I'm just copy and pasting it here so I can add a 'read more' line and format it a bit differently than usual so I can keep my thoughts in order!

Italics is their writing

Bold is mine

i noticed ppl were using this blog to ask about stuff, so here goes ig?

(also im sorry this was going to be me asking about gender stuff but now its just kinda my life story 😭 if you dont want to answer this, you can just write a post saying like. dancer anon i dont feel comfortable answering this or whatever)

Ahhhh, you all need to stop apologizing! I never mind helping!

im afab, and i feel like i never really fit in with gender? like, i would always be so jealous of my feminine friends but i didnt feel good when dressing feminine myself

i also take dance classes (i started at around 6/7) and i felt like i had to wear all the skirts and shit because i wanted to be pretty like the other dancers, and i felt really terrible after a few years of that, because i hated how i looked in them and how i looked when i danced

(i also used to have a dance teacher whos hands were always cold and thats all i can remember about him but i really hated dancing with him and would get relieved when classes were over. ive hated dancing with boys/men ever since)

and it got like. really bad. i believe? (my memory is actually terrible. i cant remember anything for the life of me, so it could be my mind overexaggerating, but anyways.)

i would always ask for me and my teacher to just do stretching because i hated how i looked when i danced because i hated the skirts and everything because i hate my legs and how they look when bare. i hated attending dance classes because people would see me and see my legs and see how i looked and i felt terrible all the time (i think i was around 9 or 10 at this age?)

so one day i had a whole crying fit and my dance teacher told me that i dont have to wear skirts or whatever, i can wear pants and shit (i was so fucking relieved. istg. i now wear skirts to dance only like. couple times a year maybe)

and then soon enough covid happened! (also keep in mind that i grew up like. really sheltered. i did not know what gay people/transgender people were until i read fanfiction about warrior cats 😭)

and i was so delighted! because on distance learning, no one would see me and be able to judge me for how i dress or whatever

at around this time, my fear of everyone masculine really grew. its still there. im fucking terrified of all men. i cant help it. like every boy man masculine person. i get so scared. i hate it. i hate it so much

but then covid came to a halt, yk, school started again .-. i felt like shit, honestly. i didnt have ANY clothes i felt comfortable in. my hair felt too long and "feminine" and i wanted to cut it for the longest time. my clothes made me feel terrible. i hated how the leggings would wear on my legs and how my sweaters would show my body shape and how my butt looked (i still really hate how it looks. why is it big. i dont want it to be i hate it so much)

yeah so there i am, feeling dysphoric as shit (i did not know what that was, back then, by the way, but i believe thats what i was feeling)

didnt help that my only friend was a toxic, lying, manipulating bitch who led people on for fun and always expected everyone to worship at her feet

after a while, i discovered different labels! (bisexual was the first label i had for myself. i felt good with it, ig?)

and then i got to the gender situation. i used so many girl alligned terms because i was so scared of being percieved as the very thing i am terrified of (masculine ppl). i went through demigirl, girlflux, genderfae, genderfluid, i beleive, maybe somethign else too, because i wanted to stay connected to being a girl.

Okay so here, I want to ask, what's the reason to wanting to say connected with being a girl? Is it feeling like you are partially a girl? Not wanting to be connected to masculinity? Not wanting to let go of the 'girlhood' that you grew up with? None of these reasons are bad but I think thinking about this more might help you figure out your gender.

around this time i started doing leader steps for dance. the euphoria i felt. please.

ahhhhh wait! I do ballroom, too! I'm a follower, though. what's your favorite? I LOVE tango. Okay, sorry, I got distracted.

found out i was a lesbian, used nonbinary but with she/they pronouns and felt like shit whenever anyone called me she but didnt want to make a big deal about using they

ooo, okay here- asking for your correct pronouns isn't 'making a big deal.' it's asking for what you need and asking for respect.

found out i was aroace because "people actually find video game characters attractive?" 😭

thought i might feel better as a boy? cut my hair. i loved it so much (i still do) (that was may of last year) got baggy clothes. covered up my figure. did leader steps for dance.

over the summer i started using labels such as agender? which i feel like fits me?

anyway, thats the life story part, now for the part about what the fuck am i

i feel like shit whenever im called a girl or refered to with feminine terms. im not sure if it would classify as dysphoria or not, becuase i dont feel /that/ bad about it, but it still ruins my mood and kinda makes me want to cry.

okay so here's the thing. not 'feeling THAT bad' doesn't mean anything. Dysphoria is dysphoria. and this is dysphoria. Just because you're not throwing up in a corner doesn't mean your feelings aren't valid.

if my grandma calles me granddaughter, girl, whatever in russian, it automatically ruins my mood. makes me feel terrible. i hate it.

i dont feel as bad when my sister calls me her sister, though, for some reason.

Okay! So for me, I hate being called a lady, but I don't mind my wife calling me her wife. Again, this is all completely valid <3

when i get called by she/her i hate it so much. i dont want to make a big deal about asking for they/them - sometimes my friends remeber, sometimes they dont.

ive never tried he pronouns, dont think i want to.

they/them pronouns dont give me that much euphoria either, its just like. ok

Okay! Have you tried neopronouns? If you're not interesting in those, it could just be that they/them is what feels best. And that's okay, too!

another thing. my friend has another nonbinary friend. she always genders them correctly, but almost never me. it makes me feel like shit, like she cares more about getting their pronouns than mine, even though i know that thats not a good mindset and shit.

*loud buzzer sound* wrong. Your friend should be gendering everyone correctly, not just some people. Good friends care about making their friends feel comfortable, and this friend is making you uncomfortable. Would you feel comfortable talking to them about it?

also, heres some more on my fear of men because who doesnt love being scared out of their wits irrationally :D

my dance teacher had to leave to go back to where she lives, so they gave me a male teacher (i tend to only have female ones.)

i would be in tears every lesson. i felt like shit. (also i hate the sound of peoples voices and he would always be talking and i hate it so much because his voice, amongst others, is one of the ones that hurts my ears the most.) i even went to my mom to ask her for a change which helped ig? my new teacher is really nice and i love her so,,, yeah

Okay, I want to stop here to say- a lot of this has to do with gender, right? But this particular response seems to be rooted in trauma. Without prying too much, I am wondering if there is something that happened with a man or masculine-presenting person or people? You do NOT have to share with me, but this might be something to explore with a trusted person in your life. I mean, there is a chance it's gender-related, but in the most loving way, there seems to be something deeper going on here.

anyway, you dont have to answer this, i was going to just ask for help with labels and feeling like theres no correct label for me (i use agender now, for simplicity, because i dont feel connected to having a gender at all)

So I guess my question is, how do you feel about the agender label? When I looked up the definition, it seems to be defined as exactly what you described- someone not having a gender at all.

Also, remember that your gender identity and expression are two different things! You can identify as agender (or any of the other things you mentioned) and still choose to dress however feels most comfortable and use whatever pronouns feel most comfortable. There are no set rules except: do what feels most genuine and comfortable!

if you do want to answer this but dont want to use this large of an ask on your blog, just call me dancer anon, i will see and understand 👍

again, sorry for dumping all of this on you

ahhhhhhh don't be sorry, you are a wonderful human!

have a wonderful day

you, too! please message me if you want to talk more! <3

#ask #asks #ask cas

[furymint]

2023 Creator Reflection

ffxiv.

1. dance me to the end of love

this one was fun! i always like merging a character's outfit with the bg so i liked doing that again. picking the colors for elliots outfit was also enjoyable. ive wanted to make smth w that cover for a while

2. shame was still the tyrant of his life

i only wrote two nol and eli things this year and neither of them are finished. the first was a continuation of a scene where nol kisses elliot against the blue stained glass in his room--i once posted it but then i deleted it bc it made me feel woozy for its allusions to sex. i wanted to rebuild it and take a shot at it now that im comfortable writing n reading sex, but i never got very far. theres actually lots of nice parts! i just like nols dumb angsting the best!

3. valentine

i really wanted to focus on nol's eye here, but also not make it too obvious lol. i used a ps filter like a schmuck but i wanted it to be darker without making it even more difficult to see, so i took away their bodies and limited the colors to make it what it is.

4. amateur cracksmen

the second nol n eli wip, which doesnt have many interesting lines rn, was a raffles-inspired story where eli drags nol as his valet to a rival artist's house and tries to steal back the brooch that he bought from an underground dealer feat. much babbling abt the state of societal responsibility that war is supposed to bring

ffxvi.

1. herz an herz dir

i wrote some reflections about this one already here. i honestly was very (distressed voice) cant believe im writing pure fanfic for the first time in over ten years and lacked a lot of direction when i started bc uhhhhh terence has 8 and a half mins of screen time. i tried to convince myself that it's not much different than me stealing brucemont for my own evil devices, but the unique perspective of seeing quite so much fan content def influenced my interpretation. i wanted their relationship to be much more imbalanced from the get-go initially--dion using his power unintentionally and terence barely passing a thought abt it until later bc he's just so accustomed to obeying--but i ended up giving terence a lot more sway & ammunition in their argument. the breakfast bed thing is also smth im rly fond of.

2. mund an mund

there's also additional meta for this one here. i made a silly doodle abt it also. dion kept picking fights here! it honestly turned out how i expected. when i first started this fic, i was gonna have dion start out right in oriflamme and meet ter and kihel there, but i booted them to northreach so i could have this stretch of conflict. i think it's like. Bad Pacing. technically. if i still believe the conflict introduced in the next chapter is the core one, that is. which i sorrrrta do. but i dont care bc i rly like the visual of kihel laying in dion's lap and getting to put a gun on the wall w ahmed.

3. eines atems

its been two months since the last chapter and this chapter is humiliatingly not written. i have all my scrambled notes and scenes that i jotted down in between the first two chapters, so i have a full direction, but it's been really difficult to write lately. ive been devoting all my time to trying to recoup my mental health and work on my teredio secret santa. ill start next year with this wip as a priority, so for now i only have the photoshop edit for it. kihel is holding terence's hand--it's his pov turn.

overall i didnt like this year very much. i didn't read, create, research or do a lot even though i tried to. i became really disconnected from all of my friends bc im too tired to stay for rp or hold online conversations. at this point, i dont play ffxiv at all except the few times i managed to rp a little. i moved into nanny's house and have my own space, but don't have the presence of mind to do anything about my pc, books, and so on, although i did make a lot of progress rewrapping my books w fresh wraps and some other things. my plans for next year are to reach out to a couple of my friends, build my pc, relearn + rebuild + relaunch my queer lit blog on open source code, survive school, and rediscover the productivity ive lost the past few years.

teredio has helped me a LOT to find community, inspiration, and art in my loneliest year yet. im very proud of my fic and grateful every day to the ppl who have reached out to me about liking it. even if im sorry about my productivity rate in comparison to how many extraordinary writers there are in the ship's fandom, i know i have to be easy on myself to relearn how to write, create a writing schedule that works for me, and stop punishing myself when i cant get the words out.

past reflections:  2017 | 2018 | 2019 | 2020 | 2021 | 2022

#ngl writing this out made me feel like #i reopened a lot of grief about my ability to work and create #and i need to walk away from it before i cry even more lol #thank u to my fc for still being the place #i love to visit when i wake up #even though all of us a struggling a lot #with life and ingame motivation #brianna babbles

[azumasoroshi]

dude im being 100% fr shizaya fanfic writers were and are fucking insane

because my school banned ao3 (my fault, but that's not important), i saved a bunch of super long shizaya fics (which are PLENTIFUL for some reason, maybe because tastewithouttalent wrote so goddamn many) and have them open to entire work which allows it to stay open on my school devices without being “registered” per say

and they have been like. fucking destroying me

To Hell and Back by corteae started with “izaya and shizuo travel around the world and wacky shenanigans happen” and i was messaging my discord server like “SHIZAYA WORLD TOUR WOOOOOOO” and i was expecting wacky shenanigans and then suddenly everything went off the fucking rails in the way i LEAST expected it to happen

like maybe i wouldn’t have been so blindsided if i hadn’t skimmed through the tags so quickly but like it’s more fun that way. i hate when i actually see a ‘major character death’ tag warning because i want to be surprised

ANYWAY that was genuinely like. one of my favorite fanfiction reading experiences to date. it was like reading a whole novel with how much original stuff was in there but it was so focused on izaya and shizuo and characterized them so unexpectedly well that the original stuff never really felt out of place or forced even though it was so wild

and even though it got super dark at times it maintained this really hopeful outlook on everything and sometimes it was downright cheesy but it just WORKS for that fic and i love it because of that

and some of the challenges it made the characters go through just worked SO well for their canon characters especially post-ketsu and i gasped audibly at some of them and Ahrhghgghhfdgfd

and then the past few days i was reading this zombie apocalypse fanfiction (april 23rd by izayas) and it was like. the most depressing fanfiction reading experiences to date. i literally had a panic attack in school after i read this for a bit too long a session like holy shit it just felt so real and so heavy and hopeless

the writing was phenomenal and well-planned/foreshadowed and probably has the best shizuo AND izaya characterization that i’ve ever seen?? like i could believe things would actually happen in this way in canon. probably because their hate for each other is so intrinsic and they’re never really able to let go of that?? which is not what i expected because yes they bond and yes they care for each other but it was always in a way so that you could feel the wall between them, and even when they connect it’s only briefly, never enough to tear them away from their hatred fully

it almost feels shakespearean in how tragic it is?? everything is so character driven and all their downward spiraling is so poetic and sickening but utterly gorgeous to read. like at so many points you’re like GOD if only they had done this one small thing different, if only if only if only and it’s just htrgrhgfhgd drives me insane which is probably what izayas-san was going for lmao. esoecially at the end you can really feel the shakespeare tragedy kicking in

it’s notable that although it’s tagged shizaya and very much centers around their relationship, it’s much more an exploration of the will of human nature and their individual struggles with coping and growing from their experiences, and there’s like. no typical romance whatsoever

it’s about their sick, twisted, passionate love and whether it’s enough to save either of them or if it’ll kill both of them and just. god. i am empty after that fic i didnt cry but it feels like all the tears have been drained from my body i dont even know how to feel or how to function. i had to take a break from writing this review and it’s been a whole weekend and there’s still this weight on my chest that i cant get rid of :sob: for my sanity’s sake i sincerely doubt i could ever read it again but i honestly treasure that experience

ANYWAY READ SHIZAYA FANFICTION IT’S BUIILT DIFFERENT

#this fanfics literally changed my brain chemistry dude im so infatuated with both #they’re like at complete opposite ends of the fanfiction spectrum but they’re both so amazing #funny how they’re both kinda roadtrip-like in nature #although for very different reasons #izayas or corteae if you ever read this know that i love you #you’re both so creative and so clever and such amazing writers that i really look up to #shizaya #shizuo heiwajima #izaya orihara #durarara

[all-i-do-is-live-in-daydreams]

WROTE MORE NOTES WHILE WATCHING THE MOVIES LOKI IS IN. THIS TIME FOR THOR: RAGNAROK. THESE ONES TEND TO BE LESS SERIOUS WHICH MAKES SENSE SINCE THIS MOVIE ALSO HAPPENS TO BE LESS SERIOUS. IT WAS STILL FIN THOUGH.

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I wonder if thor's looking for infinity stones was another of "odin's" (loki's) orders

ragnarok is one of my favorite thor movies though it is less serious than the others. it has a sense of... silly billyness.

heimdall is not there dude. dude got banished. they replaced him with karl urban

skurge has to run alllllllllll the way down the bifrost now

it's a statue of loki, thor. duh.

THE PLAY 😭😭😭 I'll never get over this shit. loki is so fucking funny

"oh shit" YEAH OH SHIT

loki was able to act as odin perfectly before but just loses that here completely like he is barely able to keep his cool

idk if anyone has noticed this. I only noticed after someone pointed it out, but loki doesnt move out of the way. thor pushes him out of the way. loki was just going to stay there and let mjolnir hit him

he looks so good oh my god this movie has some of loki's best looks I just want to Eat him

love that he poked the piece of paper and whispered loki because honestly it's plausible that he'd just turn into a piece of paper

stephen loves dramatics doesn't he?

this scene made me laugh so hard I cried the first time I saw it 😭😭😭 "I have been falling!! FOR THIRTY MINUTES!!"

die odin

the way loki turns and stares at odin after he calls them BOTH his sons

"frigga wouldve been proud" literally kill me it would hurt less. I hate they made odin say things that dont justmake me angry

odin loves dropping crazy jaw dropping earth shattering news and then dipping. he just loves not dealing with his problems and leaving them to someone else

"no. I'm on a different path now. this you must face alone." back to him just making me angry. fuck you old man. just like I said. loves not doing with his own problems THAT HE CREATED.

LOKI'S FACE DOMT DO THIS TO ME. WHEN ODIN SAYS "I LOVE YOU, MY SONS." HIS JAW LITERALLY DROPS HE'S IN SHOCK IN DISBELIEF OF THSOE WORDS SOMEONE HUG HIM AND LOVE HIM FOR ME I CANT TAKE THIS

he fucking oogwayed them that's insane bro it's actually fucking insane 😭😭

HOW WAS IT LOKI'S DOING. HE JUST PUT HIM IN A SENIOR HOME WHERE I BELIEVE HE FUCKING BELONGED AND THAT'S BEING NICE

HELA 💖💖💖💖💖

bye bye loki see you on sakaar

yall don't know how crazy I went when she just fucking massacred the warriors three

trash planet

I FUCKING HATE THAT THEY TOOK DOWN THOR. THE GOD OF THUNDER AND FUCKING LIGHTNING. WITH A FUCKING ELECTRIC (BASICALLY LIGHTNING) ATTACK. IT DOESNT MAKE ANY FUCKING SENSE

I do love loki, but he really did make a mistake calling for the portal to be opened. it seems like a very obviously wrong move and uncharacteristic of loki. idk maybe that's just me. then again he does run so.

jeff goldblum is a treasure to the world

one of his hottest looks. whoever the designer and artists were for this movie have my fucking gratitude for giving me this loki.

how was loki there for weeks and just never saw hulk??

cate blanchett is everything

I domt understand why she's so... loki like. the green and black, the blades, even her magic is green.

i do wish the movie was a little more serious. like loki saying to thor "it hurts doesnt it? being lied to. being told you're one thing and it all being a fiction." it's a very serious matter and it's just swept away and a joke is made immediately after those words are said

"our sister" OUR.

"guess I'll just have to go it alone. like I've always done." AND THOR JUST GIVES A SARCASTIC FAKE SMILE LIKE HE CANT BELIEVE HIM. THOR!!! WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU !!! also you cant blame loki for hela. she would have escaped or been freed at some point.

LOKI'S REACTION TO SEEING HULK 😭😭

you tried thor, but unfortunately you're not natasha. as much as I hate that storyline.

"Yes! That's how it feels!" 😭

makes me even more pissed about the way they shut him down. HE LITERALLY WAS CREATING LIGHTNIG IN HIS BODY AND THEY TAKE HIM DOWN BY ELECTROCUTING HIM!?!?!? DOESNT. MAKE. ANY. SENSE.

also idc thor was winning that fight. only reason he didnt was cuz they did that to thor.

hate to see him go, but love to watch him walk away (loki)

i really do love watching him fight

loki looks so proud and fond like of the snake stabby thor story

THAT'S NOT WHAT HE ALWAYS WANTED. DO WE FORGET HIS WORDS DURING THE FIRST FIGHT BETWEEN THEM WE SEE? "I only ever wanted to be your equal!" actually going to lose it rn. COUNT YOUR FUCKING DAYS THOR. COUNT THEM.

I do think thor is being honest about how he thought the world of loki, but never enough to really look, to truly see his brother. never cared enough to dig deeper. and the mistakes loki made have just made it easier for thor to further ignore the deeper problems with his brother. you can love someone dearly, but still never truly see them. I wonder if knowing of thor's love makes it better or worse for loki. to be so loved, but for it to still not be enough to have been seen, to have been helped at all. or easier for it to be a lie and never loved at all, for it makes more sense to loki, because if you loved him why would you never dig deeper? why could you not see what was wrong? what was being done to him? how he felt? maybe that's why he was so adamant in the past, brushing thor's words away because otherwise that would mean even then it just wasnt enough. and it's more familiar to him too. the feeling he sits in, the knowledge that he's not loved or understood, that those around him think so little of him. and sometimes familiarity is easier than taking a new and brighter path.

he could be more. but it's hard to do that when everyone around you sees the worst in you and your stuck in a shadow your entire life. ignored. it's why I love mobius so much. he sees what others don't in loki and actually pushes him to be better and is there for him. mobius is truly the number one loki apologist.

THE THUD OF BANNER HITTING THE BIFROST 😭😭😭

LOKI IS SO DRAMATIC "Your saviour is here!!"

I LOVE WHEN THOR FINALLY STARTS USING LIGHTNING LIKE THIS. ALSO LOKI'S PROUD GRIN WHEN HE SEES HIM.

I take it back THIS is loki's hottest look

"if you were actually here, I might even give you a hug" " I'm here" AND THEN YOU DON'T SHOW US A HUG ??? REALLY???

the look of horror on loki's face when the ship appears. thor looks curious, but loki.... he knows who that ship belongs to and you can just see the dread fill him.

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END

#I AM NOT A THOR HATER DESPITE MY COMMENTS TOWARDS HOM HERE #he just angers me sometimes with his behavior and treatment of loki #you cant honestly stand there and tell me he couldnt have been better towards him #loki god of mischief #loki ragnarok #marvel loki #loki odinson #loki laufeyson #tva loki #mcu loki #loki tom hiddleston #tom hiddelston loki #tom hiddleston #thor odinson #thor ragnarok #and i may be angry with how thor is towards loki but i still wish for them to be brothers and to rebuild their relationship #like they were going to do qnd were doing before SOMEONE SHOWED UP AND RUINED IT #i think after rewatching all these movies ragnarok has moved down and the 1st thor is my favorite now #i still really like this movie but from my new perspective this movie was a bit too much on the comedy side #not even gonna get into love and thunder i dont wanna talk about it. funny but.... eh #but i wish ragnarok couldve been a little more serious and i think they messed with loki's character a bit #tho I've heard taika was told to leave his character alone so maybe im somehow misreading his characterization in this one #thor of asgard #thor movies #thor #thor the dark world #valkryie #brunnhilde #bruce banner #loki