#ngl writing this out made me feel like

[furymint]

2023 Creator Reflection

ffxiv.

1. dance me to the end of love

this one was fun! i always like merging a character's outfit with the bg so i liked doing that again. picking the colors for elliots outfit was also enjoyable. ive wanted to make smth w that cover for a while

2. shame was still the tyrant of his life

i only wrote two nol and eli things this year and neither of them are finished. the first was a continuation of a scene where nol kisses elliot against the blue stained glass in his room--i once posted it but then i deleted it bc it made me feel woozy for its allusions to sex. i wanted to rebuild it and take a shot at it now that im comfortable writing n reading sex, but i never got very far. theres actually lots of nice parts! i just like nols dumb angsting the best!

3. valentine

i really wanted to focus on nol's eye here, but also not make it too obvious lol. i used a ps filter like a schmuck but i wanted it to be darker without making it even more difficult to see, so i took away their bodies and limited the colors to make it what it is.

4. amateur cracksmen

the second nol n eli wip, which doesnt have many interesting lines rn, was a raffles-inspired story where eli drags nol as his valet to a rival artist's house and tries to steal back the brooch that he bought from an underground dealer feat. much babbling abt the state of societal responsibility that war is supposed to bring

ffxvi.

1. herz an herz dir

i wrote some reflections about this one already here. i honestly was very (distressed voice) cant believe im writing pure fanfic for the first time in over ten years and lacked a lot of direction when i started bc uhhhhh terence has 8 and a half mins of screen time. i tried to convince myself that it's not much different than me stealing brucemont for my own evil devices, but the unique perspective of seeing quite so much fan content def influenced my interpretation. i wanted their relationship to be much more imbalanced from the get-go initially--dion using his power unintentionally and terence barely passing a thought abt it until later bc he's just so accustomed to obeying--but i ended up giving terence a lot more sway & ammunition in their argument. the breakfast bed thing is also smth im rly fond of.

2. mund an mund

there's also additional meta for this one here. i made a silly doodle abt it also. dion kept picking fights here! it honestly turned out how i expected. when i first started this fic, i was gonna have dion start out right in oriflamme and meet ter and kihel there, but i booted them to northreach so i could have this stretch of conflict. i think it's like. Bad Pacing. technically. if i still believe the conflict introduced in the next chapter is the core one, that is. which i sorrrrta do. but i dont care bc i rly like the visual of kihel laying in dion's lap and getting to put a gun on the wall w ahmed.

3. eines atems

its been two months since the last chapter and this chapter is humiliatingly not written. i have all my scrambled notes and scenes that i jotted down in between the first two chapters, so i have a full direction, but it's been really difficult to write lately. ive been devoting all my time to trying to recoup my mental health and work on my teredio secret santa. ill start next year with this wip as a priority, so for now i only have the photoshop edit for it. kihel is holding terence's hand--it's his pov turn.

overall i didnt like this year very much. i didn't read, create, research or do a lot even though i tried to. i became really disconnected from all of my friends bc im too tired to stay for rp or hold online conversations. at this point, i dont play ffxiv at all except the few times i managed to rp a little. i moved into nanny's house and have my own space, but don't have the presence of mind to do anything about my pc, books, and so on, although i did make a lot of progress rewrapping my books w fresh wraps and some other things. my plans for next year are to reach out to a couple of my friends, build my pc, relearn + rebuild + relaunch my queer lit blog on open source code, survive school, and rediscover the productivity ive lost the past few years.

teredio has helped me a LOT to find community, inspiration, and art in my loneliest year yet. im very proud of my fic and grateful every day to the ppl who have reached out to me about liking it. even if im sorry about my productivity rate in comparison to how many extraordinary writers there are in the ship's fandom, i know i have to be easy on myself to relearn how to write, create a writing schedule that works for me, and stop punishing myself when i cant get the words out.

past reflections:  2017 | 2018 | 2019 | 2020 | 2021 | 2022

#ngl writing this out made me feel like #i reopened a lot of grief about my ability to work and create #and i need to walk away from it before i cry even more lol #thank u to my fc for still being the place #i love to visit when i wake up #even though all of us a struggling a lot #with life and ingame motivation #brianna babbles

[ur-local-remy-kinnie]

wowzers akane the goober!! (submission for @mari-lair’s dtiys)

#tbhk #jshk #toilet bound hanako kun #jibaku shounen hanako kun #aoi akane #my stuff #my art #posting this from tummyache city (im probably not gonna survive this tummyache tbh) #i like how the eyes on this one turned out tbh #literally used the same brush for the entire thing & didnt even think to use anything else #aughhhhhh im kinda proud of this ngl (i aay that abt all my art) #rhi if ur reading this HE ISNT POPROCKS #SOBS. MEAN TO ME!!! #also since he has bunny ears & human ears in this au does he just hear twice as well or what #me asking the real questions here #im just gonna write an entire essay in the tags arent i #i am sorry for everyone who opened the tags to see whatever the hell this is. #anyways i was listening to bug art on repeat while doing the sketch/lineart for this #it made me feel shrimp emotions #i actually listened to a lotta good songs while making this one #ive been getting more into punk-rock lately!! #i was listening to the clash while colouring this it was so fun #specifically their album ‘london calling’… such a major bop #oh & dazey & the scouts!!! #maggot is such a banger song istg #i was literally fighting in the trenches tryna find good reference pics for him in this outfit #i mean i coulda drawn him in sth else ig but i had already started it & i wasnt gonna give up anytime soon #strangely enough i actually kinda knew what i was doing when colouring this… i usually just wing it #anyways i’m out of tags so ig that’s all #ty to everyone who read all this lmao

[rexscanonwife]

Against my better judgement I'm watching more of the 2016 ppg reboot and lemme tell you something. I HAAAAAAATE the way they write Utonium I HATE IT!!!

But sometimes there'll be a little moment here or there where he's kinda...cute > ^ <

#jane journals #self insert talk #🔬 starkissed scientist 🔬 #ONCE IN A GREAT WHILE THERE'LL BE A VERY RARE W #like the one i just watched on recommendation from my partner where bubbles doesnt feel cute anymore cause she took a bad school photo #and woww they CAN write him being a good dad for once!! 🙄🙄🙄 #not like good dad is a CORE PART OF HIS CHARACTER #but he reminds her that being cute is just ONE facet of what makes her a wonderful person #and then he brings her close and says 'between you and me you're the cutest one in the world!' UGGGHH #YOU CANT DO THAT YOU CANT TRICK ME LIKE THAT!!!! #and in the one i currently just finished he had a. job interview?? i guess he DOESNT get paid by the government #but the lady doing his interview said that they 'really love his work' and he BLUSHED ugghgh #fuck this show. ESPECIALLY FUCK IT FOR HAVING /SOME/ MOMENTS I ACTUALLY LIKE!!!!! #also it seems weird to me that bubbles would become so hung up on being cute #in the og its not like she's consciously being cute because its her THING she just IS #shes naturally innocent and good hearted ie CUTE #idfk #oh also buttercup pulls out a bucket list and the first thing is 'yell at a bird' #and ngl that made me blow air out of my nose ajfkf #ugh i could say a lot more but im not gonna

[theflyingfeeling]

I don’t know if I’m just imagining things but I feel like Olli and Aleksi are actually so close 🥺 for example I feel like they post so many pics together and I know they post with others too and it’s not a big deal but e.g. Olli has posted 5 pics with someone else this year and 3 of them are with Aleksi.. so it must mean something right?? 🥺 and I feel like they spend a lot of time together yk even ”outside the band” when they’re having a day off and they still do music (the remix) etc. together 😭

Yeah I mean I for one am so deep in the Olli/Allu delulu land that it's VERY easy for me to agree and confirm all of this 😭 they're boyfriends secret lovers special friends and it shows 🥺

Here are all the pictures of the two of them I could find on Olli's IG, for reference 💞

+ the group picture Olli posted when Aleksi first joined the band, with the caption 'so now there's six of us' 🥺

#i left out the one where he's pushing aleksi's and niko's heads in the water 😳 #and one from balboa bts with tommi in the background #ngl the anon ask i got yesterday has given me MASSIVE headworms of 2 young guys having thought they had their life all figured out already #and then one day they realise they've fallen for their friend and bandmate 😭 #friends to lovers but with troubles in between my most beloved trope in the world 💞💖💗💓💕💖💞 #with truckloads of (mutual) pining and just general confusion about what they should do about their stupid (mutual) feelings #(i'd love to read/write something of this sort but i'm too anxious about everyone being all #'boohoo they'd never cheat also you're disrespecting their gfs' #like............first of all it's fiction second of all IT'S FUCKING FICTION third of all i ain't gonna tell 'em lol #obviously i wouldn’t include their actual gfs and OBVIOUSLY i wouldn’t show the fic to anyone who's in it?? #i just don't understand how someone could be offended about something they don't know about lol #and OBBVVVIOUSSSLLYYYY i wouldn’t write either of the guys as somehow happy or confident about cheating like come on #there'd be SO MUCH guilt and shame and angst and they’d still love their gfs so much #but then there's also this guy who's their friend and whose stinky socks made them barf once on the tourbus #and who means the world to them. they didn’t mean for it to happen. it just did 😭 #anyway sorry for rambling i swear i don't mean to make everything about my silly fic ideas #i just can't help myself and i need a way to let it all out somehow without bothering anyone in particular 😭😭😭) #ollixallu #anon asks #answered asks

[elisedonut]

sudden itch to write a rare pair fic thats not Percy related

but like

the last time I did that it ended up becoming my top fic and lead to me deciding that you know... actually I hate that ship just out of spite so i'm not sure how good of an idea it is

maybe if i try like femslash or something super super rare with side characters or something

#using tumblr as a diary again #like is it healthy to feel that way? #no it's probably not but knowing that hasn't made the feeling go away in the months sense i posted it lol #like multiple people have asked for more for it but I'm ngl I'm likely never touching that ship again much less the fic itself #like if i even did decide to it would probably just be Percy and Viktor meeting #the whole reason it even became the ship it did was because I couldn't figure out how to write Viktor #But i don't think that's what people mean when they say they want more of it but maybe id be less annoyed if I did add a Percy/Viktor chapt #I feel like this is what those people mean when they talk about posting art you put your all into vs a doodle #because while i spent a hell of a long time procrastinating writing it i was never like actually happy with it #I just kinda wrote and posted it because I was running out of time and wanted to be done with it #which I think is part of why I find it annoying that it has like double the kudo's of everything else but it makes sense that it does #like it's a garbage fic yeah but its the main character and a fan favorite so ofc its going to get more attention #especially in comparison to the niche nonsense I make that I like more #will I ever delete it No I'm fire believer in not deleting things I've made because ive learned in my life i always regret it so #I just have to get better at writing so I can knock it off its horse >:) #or just keep adding extra chapters to Raspberry Muffin until it surpasses it lol #they only have a difference of 64 at the moment so its not impossible #I know im going to see this again in a few years and be so confused on why it bothered me so much i just know it lol

[isaut]

what do you think about all the Chrollo x reader stories that are always yandere. I personally feel like it’s too ooc for him. I agree he’s very dark and I guess you could say ‘evil’ to an extent, but I can’t understand why he’d treat his s/o like how ‘yanderes’ do. Wouldn’t he treat his s/o like family like he does the troupe? Idgi 🥲

I just wanna read smthin where he’s not literally being a r*pist

lmao i think no matter what universe you put chrollo in hes yandere. i also think no matter what universe you put him in chrollo isn’t a rapist.

yandere basically means that someone is sick with love— and will do anything to have their love fulfilled. i always think about yukako yamagashi from jjba. girl will do anything to get with koichi.

and i think that because of chrollo’s belief in fate (that he must both bend to the will of and write his own) makes him the perfect yandere. he thinks that he can make you fall in love with him no matter what he does.

but you’re right, in he isn’t a yandere that’s going to kidnap you and lock you up. instead, he’s going to spend days months years courting you until you’re in so deep he can throw the key into the ocean. he loves the thrill of the chase. his eye is on the prize but he can wait it out. watching you slowly fall into his trap, watching you willing fall into his trap provides him with all the satisfaction in the world. (think of a spider weaving a web around the most beautiful butterfly he’s ever seen with no thoughts other than: pretty. want for myself.)

he wants true love. he wants to believe in love in first sight. he also believes in nudging true love to happen. giving it a helpful little push. an object in motion stays in motion, after all.

#this made me giggle im ngl cause it’s not super apparent but #i do always write kuroro from this yandere lens #like ive written a half a whole fic about the reader slowly realizing she’s trapped in a relationship #the frog slowly boiling alive anaology etc etc etc #the point being kuroro will do something that makes it so you can never leave him #also he totally thinks he can make you fall in love with him just like he fell in love with you #i think kuroro searches lovers out of boredom and ends up surprising himself with how much he loves you #lesbianism analogy lesbian ally chrollo lucilfer always a blank slate always trying to find who he is having a partner #so he can base who he is off what you like etc etc etc #comphet king #i feel v strongly about him #kuroro #mailbox💌

[elegyofthemoon]

Spell your URL!

Spell out your URL using song titles that can describe your muse/OC, then tag as many people as there are letters in your URL!

OO thanks so much @cove-holdens !! This seemed like fun so I'll try ; v ; it's probably going to be pretty length though (> _ >) so i'll just put it under a read more

BUT want to tag beforehand idk enough people with ocs i think so i just toss it to @fayesdiary, @narzissenkreuz-ordo, @lemonbronze, @garlandgerard (i THINK you have some ocs sorry if i am misremembering), and whoever else I follow that has ocs :D let me get to know them!! (also of course no obligation <3)

I'm too fixated on my OC Octavia so here we go lmao

E - "Escapism" from Steven Universe: "I guess I have to face/ That in this awful place/ I shouldn't show a trace of doubt/ But pulled against the grain/ I feel a little pain/ That I would rather do without"

L - "Letter" from the Fragile Dreams OST

E - "Extraordinary" by Clean Bandit: "Am I the only one who sees what you've become?/ Will you drift away?/ We're running out of time, two wrongs can make it right/ Could I make you stay?/ People making choices, they can't fake/ Sacrifice it all and maybe say"

G - "Get Your Wish" by Porter Robinson: "Don't say you lose just yet/ Get up and move ahead/ And not only for yourself/ 'Cause that's your role/ The work that stirred your soul/ You can make for someone else"

Y - "Youth" by Daughter: "We are the reckless, we are the wild youth/ Chasing visions of our futures/ One day, we'll reveal the truth/ That one will die before he gets there/ And if you're still bleeding, you're the lucky ones/ 'Cause most of our feelings, they are dead and they are gone/ We're setting fire to our insides for fun"

O - "Octave of the Maushiro" by Chewie Melodies

F - "Future Friends" by Tilian: "Slow down/Give me a reason not to slow down/ I can feel the bottom and it's cold now/ I'm on the outside looking in/ So I'm calling on my future friends"

T - "The Hymn" by FLOYA: "I hope you understand that I cannot stay/ Don't expect you to feel the same/ There's a dream that I have to chase/ I'm feeling alive in the unknown/ Dancing to the hymn of the wind/ And though you and I are on our own/ I know you're close whenever I feel alone"

H - "here and now" by Tony22: "Here and now i'll find my hope/Yesterday is far gone and tomorrow never comes/Here and now's where I belong/So tired of using the present moment as my stepping stone"

E - "Eternal Sunshine" by Jhene Aiko: "Is it strange for me to say that if I were to die today/There's not a thing that I would change, I've lived well/ Maybe I have made mistakes and been through my fair share of pain/ But all in all, it's been okay, I've lived well"

M - "Miss You" by trentemøller

O - "Old Weapon Testing Ground" from HSR OST

O - "OUTRO" by LUCY

N - "North" from the Ender Lilies OST

#this was fun because i had to go search around a bit #askdfjahl i have an octavia playlist but theres only three songs on there 2/3 of them were listed #the instrumental songs are ones that ive mostly written to for octavia myeheh #or it just gives off certain vibes for them #speaking of octavia #i had a call today with my friend and i accidentally rambled (i was off in my own world tbh LMAO) #about transduction arc and i was like AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #but talking about it? it made me a little more motivated to write it #but HH WHEN? #ngl if i just dip out in june just to go insane in writing ✌🏼hbd to me ig lmao #but 'future friends' the more i think about it the more it reads a lot like transduction arc!octavia lmao #dont ask about the arcs im just rambling to myself LMAO #girls on a mission to destroy herself and shes only being stopped by the friends she kinda blindsided #oh god now that im slowly finishing this... #its mostly instrumentals LKAJSDAHF #okay only SOME of this ive written to #but theres certain vibes to them that give off octavia vibes #which is weird bc a lot of it feels like they contrast one another #like outro for example feels like the happy tranquil ending for them (fitting outro) #miss you feels like when they're lost in themself. which fits the vibe for octave #asdlfkadsjhaflk #tag games #again no obligation #also im sleep deprived idc if im posting about octavia here hi LMAO #and im about to do another one bc im just digging lmao #but anyways ~ #to tag later #bc i want to put this on the other blog for octavia #and then dissect it out further lmao #for octavia

[dallonwrites]

every time i apply my testosterone gel the second pump is like half the amount of gel as it was before and im like UGGGH are you already running out? are you clogged? give me my gel

#i need this to not run out until september i dont wanna pay the prescription price LOL #anyway that happened when i was your gone! ngl it made me depressed as hell for the first month! #im extremely privileged to be on T but also i have not known anger and exhaustion and sensitivity like i did on the first month of it #it affected writing too even i was worried i had to stop submitting (when i already had to stop for a while at the end of last year) #because sometimes rejections made me unreasonably angry #thats a good reality check tbh....its okay to feel strongly about a rejection and sometimes things in your life can contribute to that #its just about how you handle and manage that reaction etc etcetc #but now it feels a bit more balanced and mostly im just like YAYYYY more hair on my body YAYYYY. now give me more

[rosicheeks]

oh yes you were at court! i forgot that was at the start of that post lmao. i've been to court twice when i was super young for drinking underage and then smoking lool it was so boring and long and shit but thankfully you were just there for moral support, i hope it wasen't such a bad thing your friend had to deal with! I remember seeing you post about moving but i forget if it was TO or AWAY from your parents but that clears it up. I totally get you on that though, i'm living at home right now and i feel kind of similar about not feeling comfortable in your own home. Its a bit different for me, but similar enough. Hell my stepdad even sleeps in the living room too! hes always done that so ive always felt like i had to be on eggshells when night time hit. I used to sneak smoking in the backyard back in the day myself, i got caught once when i was in highschool he made me throw all my pieces out which sucked big time. ahhh i love that, art! you should totally show more stuff on here too, at least if you're comfortable and its not stuff you'd wanna sell, i would absolutely love to see any of it 🖤i've dabbled in writing poems and things i planned to make songs, although only recently. I've always wanted to be a musician but my attempts at learning guitar over the years have never ended up lasting long and i try to learn singing but i just dont really think i can. plus i was always afraid of self expression so i never wrote until a few years ago. i still do, because music is so important to me (which is why i did pick 🎤!) and it makes me so happy but yeah. i have 2 shows im headed to in a few months even so im so excited 🥰my day though has been so boring, i mostly played video games and watched youtube videos. watched another episode of a show i've been watching called Silo, which i absolutely love. im so surprised you had room in your tags still after myself lmao, but i do that same thing i always talk in the tags! also i'm giving you tons of hugs and kisses 😘🥰 - 🎤

Hi hi hi ☺️ how are you doing lovely? 🥰

#I’ve actually never even been inside a court house or room (still haven’t since my friend didn’t even see a judge thankfully) #but it was interesting ngl walking in especially felt like I was at an airport lol #sorry to hear you had to deal with it twice :( I hope it all ended up ok! #also sorry that you understand the pain of not being comfy in your own home #it really really fucking sucks ngl #dude I would have been SO pissed if my parents made me throw out my pieces 😭😭😭 like 1 that’s my babies and 2 that’s fucking money!!! #lol I was caught in high school too once or twice (but I was a dumbass and smoked inside LMAO still can’t believe I did that????) #I still remember my mom walking in while I was spraying the room and I just fucking fell to the floor for some reason 😂😂 #my moms friend was over and apparently told my mom ‘I’m getting high from the fumes’ and ughhhhhh I was so mad #it’s funny now cause wtf who says fumes???? #show art like more of my Etsy paintings or my personal paintings?? honestly I don’t have thaaaat many personal paintings #I have one that is a tree that is probably my favorite and I have a few pour paints that I saved when I was first starting #if you’re ever comfortable and want to share a poem or two please feel free to send me them!! (lmk if you don’t want me to post it) #I’ve always been in awe of people who can write poetry or lyrics #I’ve wanted to write songs ever since I can remember tbh and I did back in high school #I had a few classes that I actually wrote songs in but it was just the instrumental - I could never figure out the lyrics #almost failed a class cause I couldn’t figure out the damn lyrics lol #trust me I totallyyyyy understand wanting to learn an instrument but it not *clicking* buuut I personally think singing is different #don’t get me on a rant about how I think it’s sad how most people don’t sing or do art because they aren’t ‘good’ at it #also singing is sooooooooo subjective (think that’s the right word lol) so I think anyone can sing if they want to #music is important to me too!! what type of music do you like to listen to?? like do you have a fav genre or even a fav artist/band rn? #2 shows??! like concert???? who are you going to see?! fuck I’m so jealous! I don’t even remember the last concert I’ve been to ☹️ #I’ve never heard of silo but maybe I should check it out! I’ve been looking for a new show to watch ☺️ #sorry it took me a lil bit to reply to this :( #my depression was hitting me HARD the past few days #I’m feeling a lil better now but still kinda funky #I’m dogsitting Wednesday-Sunday and I’m super duper excited for that!!! just gotta get to Wednesday ☺️ #thank you for the hugs and kisses 🥺🥺🥺 they’re super appreciated 🤗 #you’re amazing 🥺 I’m squeezing you and giving you the bigggggggggggest hug 🤗🤗🤗 #🎤 anon

[strangestcase]

glad we all agree Allan LXG is forgettable at best. sure sure the story needs an old British hero to work but what is his personality really. Sean Connery playing him like every single sentence he says is utter torment also doesn't help.

#I feel bad for Sean ngl because hes a great actor and he did a good job but #you can FEEL his discomfort in the acting and even in the interviews #the hate he developed for Norrington while filming LXG... #bruh they had to delay entire scenes because they argued over EVERYTHING #Sean and Steve arguing ruined a lot of the filming for all the team involved which is a shame because the movie is well directed #and most of the cast is doing a phenomenal job like putting their hearts into it and enjoying themselves and loving their characters #it makes me sad #the movie isnt like. terrible. its cheesy its corny its got its faults #but I think the most glaring issues in the writing and direction (the messy pacing and the wooden delivery) would have been fixed #if they had gotten another actor to play allan #because no offense- Sean was a great actor I really like his acting style and he was a very handsome man. rip Sean you were a real one #but man he just got into the project out of curiosity and then was miserable through the whole thing and made it worse for everyone #ofc Steve Norrington is also. not free of sin in this. I feel bad for Sean because Norrington seems like- like he didnt handle it well #the both of them didnt act professional... #bruh I wrote a whole ass essay in the tags lol whats wrong w me lmao

[dcwnrisen-aa]

I wish you didn't think so low about yourself. I worry a lot when I see it cause I can't be around a lot anymore. That and I worry that you might think we aren't friends since we don't chat or write a lot. Genuinely I care about you so much! Whenever I see you pop up after being gone for awhile or when I'm gone it's just like "ah good, Ambie still is around thank god". I love seeing you here even if it's not writing with me. I just enjoy and always have enjoyed having you on my dash. You don't have to post this by the way. I just wanted to let you know how I felt. I mean it when I say this: no matter what you think or how negative you get, no matter what your brain tells you, you are wanted by the people who are here. The ones who matter and care about you, even ones you might not be aware of, want you around. You have become a staple here with your vast array of muses, interactions with others like Tala or Aven, and so much more. It'll be a sad day when you get off for good (or if I leave before you), but just know you'll always be special to many people, but for a fact you'll always ALWAYS be special to me. I wouldn't be here if not for you, Ambie.

anonymously tell me your honest opinion about me

starling, you would be here even if i wasn't. you shine too greatly for everyone not to notice you <3 thanks for creating stories with me.

#sometimes i wish i didn't think so low of myself either ngl #i think i've gotten to a point where i feel like i don't exist to my friends or the dash as a general whole but my friends especially and #that makes me not want to be around ? like i tell myself im so excited to get on then i get on and everyone is so happy and im like oh nvm #and ugh idk when it got like this #but this legit made me cry so much #idk who my friend is anymore and i hate that for me #but on a lighter note #idk how long i'll remain on tumblr but i want to write with you. always even if im not around. im just always tired and depressed #but i get so excited when ppl want to write with me and sometimes i get overstimulated quickly #but believe me when i say that i stalk everyone i write with even if it seems like i'm never around. #i needed to hear this though #i get too in my head about things and psyche myself out #uwu you're too precious #🌺ˑ » petals swaying in autumn breeze.

[noxtivagus]

random thought usually i kin characters that i love the most or characters i rather hate in a way (hate is too strong of a word though hmm)

#i usually don't exactly share things outright or directly abt myself to others. if you go out of your way to do so or analyze me you're #always welcome to do so ngl that intrigues me a lot. i do that w others often n the idea of the same happening to me just feels too foreign #i know hmm why exactly i'm like this rn n i don't care enough anymore to rlly write about it anymore #each time i think i write too much or say too much that's usually when i get worse n worse #earlier this year this summer when i was doing pretty well but then.. 'i talk too much' #n then part of me just disappeared since then #it hurts when it always feels like a part of me is just always hidden in a way. not that it's my intention bcs #i really want to just be myself n be authentic or wtvr but #this.. loneliness that has always been with me that i #hmm. thinking abt it n i haven't had any good dreams lately huh. despite sleeping early i still haven't rlly slept well #n the real world feels like a dream too. n then #this emptiness that's just always there despite all the things that have made me happy lately. it all feels like a dream #the past feels so far away. the sight of the stars the dawn on the horizon. the clouds yonder over the beach #all of it slipping out of my reach. the chill breeze hugging me n how free i felt in all those moments #reaching out.. reaching out wld leave me be to either fall or drown #in a literal sense n. also metaphorically #in hesitance for either outcome. perhaps everything's just taken away by the wind instead. #every trace taken away by the rain that floods my mind? #dunno what i'm writing. i just can't feel that i'm.. living properly. despite all of this #that disconnection or wtvr along w the regret n guilt n wtvr that just. piled up or wtvr #i lost a part of me that night. all these reflections confuse me so much n just warp my mind to other worlds #dilemmas so many dilemmas n these thoughts n emotions just contradict so painfully n #i'm fine. but. i don't want to forsake my progress or my younger n future self n #who am i? what do i want? why can't i.. reach out? incompetence on so many levels it gets hard to hold unto myself #but still i'll hope i guess. still dream n wish n write. but i'm just losing my energy n motivation to connect w reality #i'm sorry. for everything. so much i can't write.. but everything's crammed in my head or smth. but i'll be fine i'm fine #this is my fault. i'll do this on my own. i'm sorry #it's so confusing bcs i love myself more than i hate myself n i know what i need n should do but. yeah #i'll be fine eventually. with wtvr i'll do n wtvr pain so long as i still live even if i lose hope so long as i hold unto tomorrow.. #i'm too tired to reach out for others n for myself anymore. i'm sorry. i'll be fine though i'll just think of other stuff for now

[todayisafridaynight]

Loved the essay, and it had a lot of thought provoking truths. Mine was an amazing character and I miss him dearly everyday 🥺 I still need to check out the story with Hamazaki and him.

But geez, Hamazaki was suspiciously fixated on Majima's relationship with Kiryu and the "Heeeeey what if Kiryu-san became the new chairman, Mine? Would that be fucked up or what 😳" just leaves me feeling ???? Like, what did he know, why them specifically, h u h.

mine IS such an amazing character, if not at least an incredibly interesting one to examine and think about. i love him dearly and while i miss him everyday, i can’t even imagine what the yakuza series would look like if he did survive Y3 and became a reoccurring cast member...

as for hamazaki’s fixation on kiryu, while i know the rggo stories were written after the mainline games, after reading the one i linked beforehand hamazaki at least has a personal reason to target kiryu so much and try to goad others into pouncing on him. but removing rggo’s existence, the most i can wager is that it’s nothing particularly personal, it’s just that hamazaki’s aware of kiryu’s popularity and strength and wants to try to turn people against him so hamazaki has a better shot at becoming chairman

#snap chats #hamazaki saying as much to mine especially tells us he wants kiryu out of the picture #i cant remember when the rggo story takes place but either way im willing to bet eveyrone's aware of mine's devotion to daigo #so by hamazaki reminding mine that daigo's position could be threatened by the likes of kiryu #it's more likely than not that mine would do what he could against kiryu to preserve daigo's status #of course at this point during that flashback daigo's status isn't exactly perfect but it's not totally fatal #so on hamazaki's end it was a bit of a gamble: get kiryu out of the picture and hopefully daigo would follow suit and not recover #of course things dont exactly turn out well for hamazaki either huh #it is a wonder why hamazaki tries to have majima go against kiryu though #i feel like just as everyone's aware of mine's devotion to daigo everyone should be aware of majima's faithfulness to kiryu #a weird move to be sure BUT oh well #ngl i really liked hamazaki- if not cause Y4 somehow made me like him lmao #i guess it was nice to see a character be able to redeem themselves for once- yk before like. immediately dying afterwards #but im getting off topic lmao thank you for the ask im glad you liked my essay :) i'll happily write another one if prompted or whatever lol #me answering this ask is such funny timing though in regards to the first half #i was JUST talking to my brother and theorizing what the yakuza series woulda been like had mine lived #thats definitely something i wanna try writing or at least looking into at some point #but... Say It With Me Now.... i gotta replay Y4 first LMAOOO #I DONT REMEMBER ANYTHING THAT HAPPENS IN Y4 #ughhh i keep saying ill replay it but i never do #i wanna draw something quick so lets see... #no i dont think i can play it tonight i told my sister i'd pack her lunch tomorrow #i guess after that i can.... we'll see i'll end this post now tho im rambling lmao

[alteredphoenix]

Doing the Suramar questline on the druid and once again asking myself what made Blizzard decide to make Thalyssra Lor’themar’s canon love interest when Liadrin is Right There.

#warcraft #i'm very lenient with wow's writing #but this one keeps confounding me every time i think of this #i'm like 'why the change??' #inb4 someone says 'retcons' and shit but that's not the point #i'll argue that thalyssra has somewhat more buildup to a ship b/c you see it in-game #while whatever liadrin feels - or felt - for lor'themar is in older material a'la blood of the highborne #so thalyssra at least has more going for her than liadrin #compared to some other canon ships that just Show Up Out Of The Blue COUGH COUGH FAIRSHAW COUGH COUGH #idk a big chunk of that portion of the bfa ending where everyone's talking together esp. horde-side #feels like a blatant case of 'pair the ships together despite the little build-up b/c the fans want it' #maybe i'm just being very fussy #ngl the lack of liadrin's reaction to lor'themar getting it on w/ thalyssra tells me the attraction in BotH was either one-sided #or that part isn't canon anymore #still i'd like to know what made the devs pivot but i doubt there'll be any such answer beyond 'Just Because'

[atticuos]

Guess who did in fact go through all your work? THIS BITCH RIGHT HERE YES! ＼（＾▽＾）／

And god it was one hell of a night, i feel like i have felt every emotion all at once yk? I went from one fic to another laughing, crying, kicking my feet, screaming, giggling and going insane all at the same time🥹

And you were so right, ‘it’s rotten work’ got me pacing around my room, losing my mind over how stupidly perfect they are to each other and how you made me feel this with my entire being

I have lines from each fic that i know for a fact are gonna stay with me for a good while because goddamn it you have a way with words that makes me go hqqpqoqgqjqlqhqjqpqahawn😭🥹💗🥰😭🥹💗🥰🩷🤍❤️💙💜❣️💖💕❤️❤️‍🔥❤️‍🩹🩶🩵🩶❤️‍🔥💛💓💓💝💕🧡❤️💕🤎❣️💖🩷💚😭😭 fr fr

You’re so talented and i’m so fucking glad i found you and had the pleasure of reading your kissable words (yes that’s how your words make me feel, i wanna kiss them)

Can’t wait to see more of you, specially baby ‘Zuku and his Kacchan i miss them already😭💗

I hope you’re doing great, sending you all the kisses and the hugs (づ￣ ³￣)づ

Anon I did the thing where I hoarded this in my notes again because it made me so happy to see every time I opened the app and just 🥹

You’re too fucking sweet to me 😭😭 this makes me so happy on so many levels I can’t even say,

You think my words are kissable??! 🥹 that is the cutest thing anyone has ever said about my writing and I’m gonna think about it for the rest of my life istg 😭

I’m so glad I was right about “it’s rotten work” :) it was so easy to write that one cuz I loved it so much and I’m glad a lot of people feel the same, makes me really fucken happy 😊

I hope you stick around for the next one cuz what I’m writing now might be my favourite bkdk fic I’ve ever written so 👀😉😌

Thank you again for coming back and telling me all this, I adore you 💗

#always makes me so happy when people say I made them feel all the emotions #cuz I go through all the emotions as I write lmao #I’m glad they’re getting translated through #☺️ #ngl this next one tho might take the cake with all the lines that had me pause and go ‘holy shit? that came out of my brain???’ lmao #there’s a lot of lines and little paragraphs that I’m really proud of #might be cuz I’ve been wanting to write something like this for a while and I finally am so ykno #but yeah hope people feel just as excited to read it as I am now writing it #anon #answered #my fics #it’s rotten work

[celestialwife]

girls when poe has a personality that isn't being obsessed with a man he's had maybe ten scenes with in the first two movies and has his own agency and doesn't always agree with his mentor instead of bending over backwards to constantly say she's right (when she isn't):

#nym speaks #negativity #SORRY but it's true #like god they're SO petrified of him being his own character it'd be hilarious if it wasn't so FUCKING FRUSTRATING #sorry someone reblogged my gifset of him i made yesterday just to bitch about him in tl* #and number one you're a gifmaker too cut that shit out #number two they unironically love res*stance reb*rn which is the WORST BOOK I'VE EVER READ i despise it so fucking much #it treats him so fucking terribly. it treats him exactly the way people claimt tl* does #like the author can't talk about him without going 'oh he's a supremely arrogant person' in every interview she gives #and has maz tell him that and compares him to the first order AFTER KNOCKING HIM ON HIS ASS???? #and then has a good portion of the resistance agree he should be thrown out of the airlock for not trusting holdo like EXFUCKINCUSE ME?! #the author literally just wants him dead it's not even fucking funny #not to mention the book grossly objectifies him CONSTANTLY and REPEATEDLY #girl 'm in love with him and don't mention how hot he is this much #but like he's crushing on finn soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo of course it's better than everything else tehehehe #(which i do have my issues with? like why on earth was this woman writing them like they were for sure going to be a thing when lucasfilm #was NEVER going to do that. it feels a little too close to baiting to me ngl.) #anyway sorry workers were working on the road right outside my window until like two thirty last night :') and i have cramps :') so i'm not #in the mood for this shit lmfao #anyway living with clear skin and an open heart knowing that book keeps getting retconned bc it's so awful lmfao