#I’ve wanted to write songs ever since I can remember tbh and I did back in high school

[rosicheeks]

oh yes you were at court! i forgot that was at the start of that post lmao. i've been to court twice when i was super young for drinking underage and then smoking lool it was so boring and long and shit but thankfully you were just there for moral support, i hope it wasen't such a bad thing your friend had to deal with! I remember seeing you post about moving but i forget if it was TO or AWAY from your parents but that clears it up. I totally get you on that though, i'm living at home right now and i feel kind of similar about not feeling comfortable in your own home. Its a bit different for me, but similar enough. Hell my stepdad even sleeps in the living room too! hes always done that so ive always felt like i had to be on eggshells when night time hit. I used to sneak smoking in the backyard back in the day myself, i got caught once when i was in highschool he made me throw all my pieces out which sucked big time. ahhh i love that, art! you should totally show more stuff on here too, at least if you're comfortable and its not stuff you'd wanna sell, i would absolutely love to see any of it 🖤i've dabbled in writing poems and things i planned to make songs, although only recently. I've always wanted to be a musician but my attempts at learning guitar over the years have never ended up lasting long and i try to learn singing but i just dont really think i can. plus i was always afraid of self expression so i never wrote until a few years ago. i still do, because music is so important to me (which is why i did pick 🎤!) and it makes me so happy but yeah. i have 2 shows im headed to in a few months even so im so excited 🥰my day though has been so boring, i mostly played video games and watched youtube videos. watched another episode of a show i've been watching called Silo, which i absolutely love. im so surprised you had room in your tags still after myself lmao, but i do that same thing i always talk in the tags! also i'm giving you tons of hugs and kisses 😘🥰 - 🎤

Hi hi hi ☺️ how are you doing lovely? 🥰

#I’ve actually never even been inside a court house or room (still haven’t since my friend didn’t even see a judge thankfully) #but it was interesting ngl walking in especially felt like I was at an airport lol #sorry to hear you had to deal with it twice :( I hope it all ended up ok! #also sorry that you understand the pain of not being comfy in your own home #it really really fucking sucks ngl #dude I would have been SO pissed if my parents made me throw out my pieces 😭😭😭 like 1 that’s my babies and 2 that’s fucking money!!! #lol I was caught in high school too once or twice (but I was a dumbass and smoked inside LMAO still can’t believe I did that????) #I still remember my mom walking in while I was spraying the room and I just fucking fell to the floor for some reason 😂😂 #my moms friend was over and apparently told my mom ‘I’m getting high from the fumes’ and ughhhhhh I was so mad #it’s funny now cause wtf who says fumes???? #show art like more of my Etsy paintings or my personal paintings?? honestly I don’t have thaaaat many personal paintings #I have one that is a tree that is probably my favorite and I have a few pour paints that I saved when I was first starting #if you’re ever comfortable and want to share a poem or two please feel free to send me them!! (lmk if you don’t want me to post it) #I’ve always been in awe of people who can write poetry or lyrics #I’ve wanted to write songs ever since I can remember tbh and I did back in high school #I had a few classes that I actually wrote songs in but it was just the instrumental - I could never figure out the lyrics #almost failed a class cause I couldn’t figure out the damn lyrics lol #trust me I totallyyyyy understand wanting to learn an instrument but it not *clicking* buuut I personally think singing is different #don’t get me on a rant about how I think it’s sad how most people don’t sing or do art because they aren’t ‘good’ at it #also singing is sooooooooo subjective (think that’s the right word lol) so I think anyone can sing if they want to #music is important to me too!! what type of music do you like to listen to?? like do you have a fav genre or even a fav artist/band rn? #2 shows??! like concert???? who are you going to see?! fuck I’m so jealous! I don’t even remember the last concert I’ve been to ☹️ #I’ve never heard of silo but maybe I should check it out! I’ve been looking for a new show to watch ☺️ #sorry it took me a lil bit to reply to this :( #my depression was hitting me HARD the past few days #I’m feeling a lil better now but still kinda funky #I’m dogsitting Wednesday-Sunday and I’m super duper excited for that!!! just gotta get to Wednesday ☺️ #thank you for the hugs and kisses 🥺🥺🥺 they’re super appreciated 🤗 #you’re amazing 🥺 I’m squeezing you and giving you the bigggggggggggest hug 🤗🤗🤗 #🎤 anon

[tswift]

ok, so. i’ve been thinking a lot about the taylor/matty situation. mostly just trying to give myself some space to understand why it’s even happening. and I have some thoughts.

I remember when taylor dated john, and then she dated jake. two men that were a lot older than her and clearly did a number on her. both, more or less, verbally and emotionally abused her. they talked down to her, took advantage of her naiveté, made fun of her, played games with her. obviously, this did a number on her, and it’s taken years for her to unpack and fully assess the damage. 

what she did after was date a few men that were younger than her. she dated connor kennedy, who was barely 18, and seemingly only because she liked his family. then she dated harry styles. and at the time, there was gossip in the tabloids about how taylor was very hurt by dating men who were older than her, so she went in the opposite direction because she thought it would hurt her less. basically, she put up walls to protect herself. it seemed to be a trauma response.

now her situation with joe alwyn. of course we can never know completely what happened, but just based on the music, what’s been said to the press, etc, taylor felt undervalued. he wasn’t supporting her the way she wanted, he was closed off, and he wasn’t fighting for her and their relationship. a lot of this is made clear in “you’re losing me” but there’s also some lyrics in “renegade” and even “bejeweled” that imply these problems.

enter matty. she supposedly had a brief thing with him almost a decade earlier and they lost contact over the years for whatever reason. I don’t know the full story. but since then, matty has spoken about taylor a lot. he clearly admires her, he feels badly for messing things up. he apparently writes a song about her and how he can’t ever forget her etc etc. his friend jack antonoff is besties with her and jack reconnects them. he invites taylor to perform and calls her his queen. he is showing very PUBLIC support and admiration for her. it’s kind of giving malewife behavior actually (which tbh, I think is what taylor needs.)

taylor is grieving the loss of a relationship that she clearly thought was the end of all the endings. the person she was going to settle down with completely. and then here comes someone she has a history with, giving her what she was missing with joe. 

none of this makes it right. but this entire time i’ve just been trying to understand why taylor would let him back into her life. why she’d risk hurting her fans and her image.

anyway this is just speculation but these are my thoughts feel free to ignore them :)(:

#also I know matty has said some sus things about taylor too #like that it would be emasculating to date her bc she is who she is #but he is still acknowledging her fame and power whereas joe quite literally never did #rambles #matty healy tw #abuse tw

[silent-swiftie-ph]

Scribbled ideas

Nov 9, 2022

So doing this random journal again. It’s been awhile since I’ve written or talked to myself. Anyways, lately has been a rollercoaster ride for me. Dad’s bypass operation, my stressful birthday, missing my biggest stan’s “Taylor Swift” album launch, etc.

I dont know if I am for any fandom whatsoever, but as long as I can remember, Ive been a swiftie all throughout my life. I remember first hearing her songs back in 2006/2007, I was just a college student then dreaming of making a dent in this world. You know, I came from one of the top universities here in the Philippines so I was a bit full rather fool of myself.

She went here for her fearless album, but i was dead broke that time. Also, I didn’t have any support “fandom” friends with me. All of my friends are either, so-so with her or just freaking against her. 😂 well, i am still in that shit till now.

Kanye west incident, was angry as hell. I remeber rubbing the topic to my friends even though they didnt like it. I was connecting it to women power and artists equality. Like fellow artist should you know support each other. I know the feeling since I used to write my own songs and play it on my guitar when I was 13 years old. It just so happened that, that dream is something that the society here deemed impossible to achieve.

Red album was released and she also had a schedule here. I was a budding analyst and I was actually in the ticketnet website or whatever looking at the ticket prices fucking 2000 pesos for gen admission. I thought to myself that, damn. I would also need to pass this one. (Though looking back, i should have just used my mom’s credit card and worked my ass off to have it paid).

Fell of the radar for the next years or so… sadly when taylor started having model friends. I’m nowhere near their stature, im fat, im nerdy, im boyish, and im a geek. How on earth could I connect with them? Though, id still be looking back and forth from afar, this is also the time I had a gf, but unfortunately she doesnt like taylor as well. I’m bisexual by the way.

When 1989 came out, i was secretly wishing for a concert here in Manila. I really wanted to bring my then gf there and introduce taylor to her. But it didn’t happen. 😔

It was also the time that taylor was with KK, and a bunch of hotties like calvin, tom, alwyn. And I was like. “Whoaw, mom your so active all around the place. I will never ever be able to reach you.” Well I was secretly rooting/shipping kaylor because I was also in that phase during that time frame 🥲🫠

Fast forward to reputation, damn that album blew me away. It was my break up album. Well, not necessary that it’s a break-up album but I was listening to it endlessly to numb myself. I was eyeing to watch it in US coz I was supposed to go there in that certain tour dates for my business trip. Lo and behold, my business trip was rescheduled and what I did was just to visit an empty stadium and try to breathe in the essense of whatever is left in there. Hahahaha

Lovers is a mixed album for me. I mean I love it but confuses me all the time. I am no decypher queen type of fan. I think im just a creative and intellectual one. Its a declaration of love but im feeling a sense of lgbtq+ vibes to it. Tbh, i really thought Taylor was going to out herself. Hahahaha. Well, i dint care about that but lol, it was just my thought.

Miss Americana!!! This one blew me out. Personally, i have been an activist in all of my social media accounts. As I said earlier, i graduated from one of the top university here in our country and it is also a national university, so technically i have been programmed to think radically against any form of facism, unequality, racism, genderlect and everything. This film blew me away. It rekindled my connection with Taylor. I was so proud of her. I always thought her as someone who is a rockstar but not an activist. Well there are some hardcore feminist lines in her song but as a fellow feminist and activist, this really like “Mom, please hug me. I wanna be with you again” moment.

I was so sure that i will see Taylor but pandemic happened. I was a holy fucking mess. I was able to get into folklore, but damn i was a ghost for like evermore, fearless, red, and sadly midnight (which i am catching up), honestly, midnight released me from my voidness. It pulled me again here in this world. Everyone’s telling that this a dark album, but i actually dont care. I can relate to this. It’s like telling me that hey, there is this patriarchal shit going on, anxieties, over thinking, tunnel vision shits that fell through, but you will still be here. Live the hell that you want, even with a blood stained dress, love the hell that you want even you dont want to marry, forgive yourself for being the anti-hero, forgive that kid. Forgive that kid, let this all loose and celebrate, live, you’re on your own, kid. Your gonna be fine.

Always.

PS please be here in Manila. I believe I’ve saved enough to get VVIP ticket. HAHAHAHA But srsly, i wanna thank you so much Ms Swift

@taylorswift

[hopefulobjectmiracle]

A quick analysis of the puppy scene in 3x15, because my OTP is perfect.

This is honestly just a whole lot of gushing and flailing, tbh. Because Kurt and Blaine and their relationship are wonderful and I love them so, so much. So much so that I can write paragraphs on a scene that is barely one minute long. 

This somehow ended up being much longer than I intended, oops. Hope you enjoy it :)

We start off this scene with Blaine alone at his locker, presumably putting away his belongings from his last class, and you can still see Kurt’s ‘Gay-diddy-gay-gay-gay’ class council election poster on the inside of Blaine’s locker, even months after Kurt lost the election. But Blaine still keeps it up, because he loves Kurt, and if he had it his way, Kurt would win everything. Awww. He appears to be deep in thought, and when Kurt hides behind Blaine’s locker, speaking in the world’s most adorably terrible British accent, it startles Blaine for a second.

And man, does that make me sad. This is a kid that has been bullied, undoubtedly shoved into lockers and pushed here and there just like Kurt was. He hears an unfamiliar voice and immediately flinches back in fear, expecting the worst. 

But it isn’t the worst - it’s the best. Because it’s Kurt, the person Blaine loves more than anything, hiding behind the locker, and it’s Kurt speaking in that cute-ass accent holding a stuffed puppy in front of his face. 

(Side note - I once read that Chris Colfer improvised the dialogue and accent of this scene, as well as coming up with the name for the puppy, which totally checks out since Chris is a huge Anglophile.)

And as soon as Blaine recognizes his boyfriend, his face breaks out into the sunniest smile, and he does his signature “Kurt-made-me-laugh” move, the blushy head-duck (see here for reference). 

Kurt also looks similarly delighted to see Blaine, because Blaine is lovely and Kurt loves him so, so much, and because he’s also excited to show Blaine the gift he got him and help Blaine out with his problems. Kurt really loves Blaine, y’all. He looks so damn proud of the stuffed animal he got for him and equally proud of his own ability to make Blaine laugh with his clever puns. 

Kurt goes on to explain that Finn won the stuffed puppy while out at the amusement park for Senior Skip Day, along with thirteen others for Rachel, and as soon as he says this, Blaine nods along as if to say - oh, of course, that Rachel - because Blaine is considerate as hell and knows his friends very well. And in honest-to-god Kurt fashion, bb stole the puppy from his brother, because Kurt is the definition of Be Gay, Do Crime, and he also recognizes that Rachel does not need 14 different stuffed animals. 

He pouts a little right then, telling Blaine that he wanted to give it to him so that Blaine would have something, since Kurt wasn’t able to convince Blaine to go with them on the field trip. I wonder how that conversation went. 

Also, pouty Kurt is fucking adorable. Protect him at all costs.

Blaine is melancholy again, telling Kurt that he would have just brought the mood down for the group. And when Blaine says this? Kurt stops beating around the bush and gets straight to the point. 

Sweetly stroking the stuffed puppy, Kurt tells Blaine that he understands him. That he gets that family problems are hard, because they’re hard for him too. He uses himself as an example to try and get his point across to Blaine more effectively, and mentions that he and Finn disagree on nearly everything, but at the end of the day, they love one another and are always there for one another despite their differences. 

I’m also getting so many brotherly Furt feelings from Kurt referring to Finn as “the big lug” and talking about how much he loves him. Ugh. I also cry at the line where Kurt tells Blaine that he only has one brother and shouldn’t give up on that, given what happens to Finn. I wish we’d gotten more of that relationship in canon before Cory’s untimely passing, because they clearly had so much love for one another, both on-screen and off.

Anyway, Kurt sees the love he has with his brother and wants Blaine to be able to experience the same thing, because he loves Blaine so, so much and he thinks that Blaine deserves everything great in this world. He also brings back the cute-ass accent, and upon seeing Blaine look upset, bumps Margaret Thatcher Dog against Blaine’s cheek to get him to smile again - which Blaine absolutely does; his face is bright and sunny again because of Kurt’s silliness. Awww. 

Kurt tells Blaine never to give up, and Blaine indignantly responds that Cooper is the one who is leaving for a big audition. Kurt pauses, and tells Blaine that Cooper hasn’t actually left him yet. He says that Cooper is waiting in the auditorium, hoping that Blaine will come and talk to him and make things right. This line very strongly implies that Kurt and Cooper coordinated this, and that Kurt made an effort of talking to Cooper to try and arrange a meeting with Blaine - because in a matter of mere days, Kurt was able to glean how important their relationship was to Blaine and wanted to do everything he could to fix it. Give him all the boyfriend awards, folks.

I’m kidding. Please don’t start the Better Boyfriend Olympics again, lol.

Blaine huffs out that talking doesn’t actually work with Cooper, and that he’s tried it to no avail. And Kurt just nods knowingly, as if he was aware that Blaine would say that. And though it isn’t explicitly mentioned, I bet he did know. He then goes on to say that perhaps talking isn’t the best answer for Blaine. Maybe there’s something else, a better method of communicating his feelings that would work more for Blaine. 

Okay. You know what this reminds me of? Flash back a year, to Silly Love Songs. This is (perhaps unintentionally) a direct callback to 2x12. Back when Blaine was still crushing on someone who is not Kurt, he said this to the Warblers about his idea to serenade Jeremiah. 

Blaine (2011): I'm not really good at talking about my feelings. I'm much better at singing them.

And here are Kurt’s words, from more than a year later. 

Kurt (2012): Maybe talking is not the answer. Maybe you need to show him how you really feel in the best, most honest way you know how. 

Can I just stop right here and squeal a little bit? Because Kurt knows his boyfriend so, so well. He remembers the things that Blaine tells him, even things from over a year ago. He holds onto this key piece of information about Blaine, because Blaine is important to him and the things he tells Kurt are worth remembering. And here, in this scene, he puts his memory to good use to try and remind Blaine of his most effective and heartfelt form of communication so that he can help Blaine mend fences with his brother. 

GIVE HIM THE BOYFRIEND AWARDS, FOLKS!

Kurt is so, supportive of Blaine and just wants the best for him, and it just boggles my mind when people claim that Kurt didn’t love Blaine as much as Blaine loved him, because from even short simple scenes like this one, anyone can tell that it isn’t true. 

After listening to Kurt, Blaine stops, and for the first time, genuinely considers it. Prior to this, all of Cooper’s attempts at talking couldn’t get through to him. Blaine still felt the jealousy and resentment from all those years growing up. But after hearing Kurt’s advice, he puts that aside and realizes that some things, like family, are more important, and so he makes that decision to go see his brother and try and express his feelings in a different way. 

Blaine turns to go meet Cooper, and Kurt watches him go, looking so damn proud of his boyfriend and so, so hopeful...

Y’all know what happens next. Blaine and Cooper, a pair of brothers, sing a breakup song. Yet somehow, it works. Singing manages to communicate all of those emotions that were suppressed before, and opens the doors for real conversation between the two of them. They do successfully patch things up, with Cooper finally recognizing Blaine’s talent and Blaine trying to support Cooper in future endeavors. They are on a path to a close relationship, which is all both of them had ever really wanted in the first place. 

And if not for Kurt’s advice, this may not have happened. Y’all heard that right - Kurt Hummel helped Blaine patch things up with a member of his family because he knew how important it was to Blaine, and he knew how badly Blaine wanted this even if Blaine didn’t let it show. From all the bits and pieces of information we’ve gathered over the years about Blaine’s family, they don’t appear to be all that close, which is why it’s even more important for Blaine that he is able to reconcile with his brother.

(For more of my thoughts on Blaine’s family, feel free to check out this analysis of mine. Yeah, this is a shameless self promo. Deal with it.)

So...what was the point of this analysis? I’m not quite sure. I suppose I just had a lot of feelings about Blaine, Klaine, family, and the way that Kurt shows love. Like I’ve said millions of times, just because Kurt is more subtle in the way that he shows love to Blaine, doesn’t mean that it’s any less powerful. Scenes like this, in which he handpicks Blaine’s own words and uses them to push Blaine towards something he was too afraid to admit he really wanted? Kurt helping reconcile Blaine with his family? This is Klaine at its best, and scenes like this are why I will always, always ship this couple. 

Kurt and Blaine are incredible, y’all. 

Peace. 

#idiots think blaine loved kurt more than kurt loved him #klaine #klaine meta #glee 3.15 #blaine anderson #kurt hummel #cooper anderson

[lov3nerdstuff]

Hi Kay!

I just wanted to take a moment and say how deeply moving (and overall comforting) I find your writing to be! I've gone through almost the entirety of your masterlist twice in the past month alone and have found myself returning more often to the pieces of literature/poems your reference sometimes. (Especially that one poem by Benedict Smith! I've read a few more by him because of you and they're just wonderfully lovely 💛 so I'm eternally thankful to you for including it.)

I may be wrong in assuming, but I believe you may have studied/are currently studying a degree involving literature. I hope this isn't too foreward of me but I was wandering if you have any other works of literature that you'd recommend? (I'd love to read anything you recommend from poems to plays 💛) I'm slightly embaressed to say but the works I've read are quite limited to a highschool level and since I'm currently studying Pharmacy, there are very few people who can recommend me such moving works. :)

I also feel like I should apologise for writing such a large ask, so please accept this apology as well hehe 💕🥺

Sincerely,

Bek 🌻

Hey there Bek 💚💕✨

First of all... I'm incredibly sorry for how long it took me to reply to this ask, I know you sent it weeks ago and I'm honestly just ashamed of myself for only replying now! I've been taking a bit of a Tumblr break again, or rather a break from literally everything, and I guess not having written anything in a while made me feel guilty whenever I opened Tumblr, so... All I can say for myself really is that I'm sorry you had to wait so long! Again, I never ever ignore anyone, I promise! It just sometimes takes a while for me to reply 😅🙈

Now, I'm so happy to hear that you've been enjoying my writing! 🥺🥰 Hearing that it's comforting and inspiring to you is honestly such a relief and indeed does make me happy more than I can say 💚 It's so cool that you're checking up on all the references I make aaahhh 🥺🥺🥺 I love it 😁 You're always more than welcome, love! I don't think I could stop including references to literature, culture, history and the science around it even if I tried 😅☺️

And yeah, I did study classics and newer literature as a minor for my undergrad degree 😄 But tbh I still work with literally a lot even now (I'm in grad school for media and cultural studies) even though it's technically not something I've been properly taught ☺️ I'm just a nerd who likes to learn on her own, and with media and culture you can pretty much delve into almost anything you want 😂😅🤷🏻‍♀️

Now, it's not forward at all to ask me for literature recommendations! 😁😃 I truly love recommending stuff!!! I have a few up my sleeve, even though you've probably heard of a few already, for obvious reasons: A lot of what I truly enjoyed reading was something Tom Hiddleston has worked on in one way or another! It's truly a magnificent guideline for picking new literature... Just look up the literary origins of his films/shows/plays and you will be in for quality literature most of the time! I don't think I've ever mentioned it on here, but me reading High-Rise (JG Ballard) because I heard Tom would be partaking in the film adaptation was actually what sparked my love and passion for literature!!! Yep, it's that good. Now on to the recommendations though 😁(This... got rather long):

Plays

Anything by Harold Pinter really, but for obvious reasons you'll find a lot of additionally fun stuff for Betrayal, which is lovely and truly funny if you're in on the kind of humour btw

Medea by Euripides (a classic, but I love it nonetheless... You can find translations in almost every language) ((and pls stay away from Seneca's Medea, because ugh... Euripides is far better AND the og story, as much as anyone can say that for Greek mythology)

La Bohème by Puccini (I know, this is technically an opera, but if you read the libretto it's honestly just like a play... And if you're up for it, the og story is in prose and written by Henri Murger... It's better than the opera, but oftentimes more difficult to find) ((this one is hilarious and basically explains an entire cultural subgroup in the 19th century)

Faust by Goethe (many people hate it, but I LOVE this one!!! It's also been translated into any and every language, and it's so interesting philosophically!!! It's also referenced SO freaking often literally everywhere, and the operas and ballets based on it are always my fave) ((there's technically Faust I and Faust II, but you're good to go just reading the first one)

Anything by Shakespeare, obviously... Though I do love me my Hamlet like every other literature enthusiast (Yes, I can do that one famous soliloquy in act 3 scene 1 by heart as well...)

Poetry

Again, anything Shakespeare for the win, but I LOVE the sonnets and keep a copy of them with me most of the time (Yes, I own multiple copies of the sonnets...) ((My faves are 116 and 91, but there's always so much truth to be found in there!!!))

A lot of the stuff William Blake wrote is amazing, though you have to pick carefully with him if certain religious motives aren't your thing... I love The Tyger, which is an individual poem, and the collection of works called Tyger, Tyger which does have many good ones and a few ones that are a little more on the mediocre side

Do not go gentle into that good night by Dylan Thomas (I know this one by heart as well... It's beautiful, and there's a version of Hiddleston reading it on YouTube, which gives you even more goosebumps than the poem does anyway)

Invictus by William Ernest Henley (same for this one, also read by the one and only) ((I love to read this when I'm feeling down or powerless))

The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock by T. S. Eliot (This is another wow piece with many quotable lines and truths... I love it a lot and keep coming back to it! It's also a great example of how literary modernism tried to condense the complexity and passing of time and history into a single frame that had to be intrinsically poetical in nature... As in, this poem could've been a short story in any other period, but modernists loved to make everything a poem so here you go)

Der Zauberlehrling by Goethe (This one sucks in all English translations I’ve found, poetically speaking, but in German it’s such a fun piece! If you’ve ever seen the Disney ‘The Sorcerer’s Apprentice’ with Mickey Mouse or listened to the orchestral piece by Paul Dukas, then this poem proves very useful in truly understanding either! But again, the English translation should only be taken for informational value... The German one is also worded hilariously)

Prose

Short edited by Alan Ziegler (This is a collection of short prose forms that honestly is a must for me... I love this book to pieces and have had it for years now! It’s an international anthology, so you’ll find more and less famous authors from all around the world represented with short stories, prose poems, short essays and just curious and interesting snippets of writing! I draw a lot of inspiration from this book)

High-Rise by JG Ballard (As mentioned above, I owe this book part of my personality... I don’t think I would be the same person without having read it. It’s not necessarily full of wisdom, but if you’re interested in a different kind of portrayal of the human condition, then this is the read you need to take a look at)

The City of Dreaming Books by Walter Moers (This is another piece that changed my perception of literature, even though this is a more ordinary and ‘fun’-value read... It’s one of my favourite books and it’s endlessly entertaining! So if the classics are a bit heavy for you, this one is perfect for casual readers as well! Its value really does lie more in the realisation of how fun literature can be, and the freedom you have as an author... So really, I could recommend everything by Moers, his style is amazing both in the German original and in the English translation. Yes, I’ve read both.)

Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett (This is comedic gold, stylistic gold and generally a bloody perfect book. Also a ‘fun’-value read, but it also does a magnificent job at showing you what you can do with literature, and how well-developed characters are supposed to be written)

The Penguin Book of the Undead (Penguin Classics) edited by Scott G. Bruce (This book is basically an education on fifteen hundred years of supernatural encounters and how culture wrote, used and perceived them. You get introductory texts for different periods and social groups, explaining how and why ghost stories were written and used, followed by passages of the prime source texts (eg. ancient necromancy shown on The Odyssey). Really, this book is just for cultural history nerds)

The Earthquake in Chile by Kleist (This isn’t necessarily one of my faves, but it has helped me understand what studying literature and culture can do for you. In case anyone remembers my insistence in Wicked Game that you gotta know what a pomegranate symbolises... this novella is such an instance where this knowledge would prove useful. Generally, it gives many opportunities to think about privilege and circumstance)

The Symposium by Plato (You’ll probably not want to read the entire collection of speeches tbh... But the concepts introduced mainly here and in some of Plato’s other work are well worth looking into! For example, the ‘double being’ introduces a concept that in modern fiction is called soulmates... Just sayin’)

#literature #lit rec #recommendation #literature recommendation

[ediths]

What I Wish Just One Person Would Say To Me

Pairing: Harry Styles x Reader

Word Count: 1.6k

Summary: You’re always going to support Harry’s dream, no matter how much it can hurt you at times.

Warning(s): It’s sad overall, so beware of that

A/N: hello again loves!!! @trulylight requested: hey, can you please write something with harry styles based on the song “what i wish just one person would say to me” by LANY? I hope that I did your ask justice!!! I’m not sure exactly what you wanted, of course, but this is how I interpreted the song!!! Okay tbh I don’t really know how I feel about  this :(( but I’m gonna post it anyway and I hope that someone enjoys this!!!

Masterlist | Taglist | Request - Guidelines | Come Talk to Me!!

Reblogs help a lot and are greatly appreciated!!

*

You and Harry have been dating since before everything in his life flipped upside down. Since the ripe old age of fifteen, you’ve been able to call him yours. Alongside his mother, you encouraged him to take the chance with the X Factor. You distinctly remember telling him that the worst they could do is say no, and regardless of the outcome, you’d be there to support him with any and everything that he wanted to do.

Turns out that going on that show was the best thing for him. The band was formed and he turned into an international pop star overnight. At first, you had been worried about what would happen with the two of you. You couldn’t see where you fit into the equation of his new life. You knew just how many people had begun to want him, and you constantly found yourself wondering when the breakup call was going to come. You hated thinking things like that, but with him constantly climbing up in the world, there seemed like less and less of a chance of the two of you staying together.

Harry had other plans for the two of you, however. He shut down those thoughts the moment that he found out about them. He assured you that there was no one else for him, that there was nobody he would rather have. He promised you that no matter where he was in the world, he was yours and you were his. And although it probably shouldn’t have, his words easily brought you peace.

Now, ten years later, you’re not sure what life would be like if you weren’t directly connected to Harry Styles. Life has been a rollercoaster, with plenty of ups and downs, but there’s nothing about it that you would change. Regardless of how many bad days there were, you get to come home and spend your time with the man that you’re head over heels in love with, so really, there’s nothing that can bring you down. 

Harry’s kept your head up for years, even when things felt like they were too much to handle. When there were articles about you that weren’t very flattering, when the hate messages started, when he went on tour and you felt like you were alone in the world, he still managed to find a way to make you feel better. He was the rock that kept you grounded in this hectic lifestyle. 

Even though your life can be an absolute mess at times, there’s no one else you’d rather spend it with. There’s no one else that you’d want to navigate this crazy world with.

There’s just something about Harry that makes you feel complete and secure. There had always felt like there was something missing in your life, but the moment Harry waltzed in and stole your heart, everything felt complete. 

There’s nothing more in this world that you could ask for. All you want to do is spend the rest of your life with him. Not a day goes by that you don’t yearn for the ability to just be around him every day.

In the life that you live, however, that’s not realistic. Being around Harry every single day isn’t something that’s achievable. You may be the love of his life, but music and touring? That’s a major part of his life as well. 

Sometimes it’s hard, not being able to have a “normal relationship” but after you think about it, you’d never want what people think of as a normal relationship over the one that you already have. 

You’re well aware of the fact that Harry can’t just stay with you all the time. He needs more than that to truly be happy, and you’re okay with that. It’s hard sometimes. It hurts more often than not to be away from him for so long, but you’ve become so used to it that you don’t even question it anymore.

You’ve always known that Harry needed more than the small town that you grew up in to be happy. He’s always been too big for that place, and you simply can’t try to hinder the opportunities that life throws at him.

No matter how much pain that him being away for months at a time causes you, there’s no way that you could just give up on him. You’re here for everything, for better or for worse, so you’re not just going to up and leave because things are a little hard on your end. 

You went through this for five continuous years while he was in One Direction, so there’s no doubt in your mind that there’s a way for you to get through it for a few months to a year. It’s not like he completely drops off the face of the earth when he’s gone. The two of you still talk on the phone and text each other. There’s never been a day go by where you didn’t hear at least something from him.

The both of you try your best to be as close to each other as possible, regardless of the fact that he’s normally in another country while on tour. 

As you’re sitting on the bed next to Harry, he’s packing for his next tour. This time, though, he seems to be more worried about the months to come than you are.

“Look, love, anytime you need anything, I’m just a call away, okay?” He turns to look at you and the desperation written on his face makes you want to curl up in him and never have him leave.

“Harry, I’ve told you for the last time, I’ll be fine.” He sighs, shaking his head.

“I know, I just feel bad for leaving you again.” A soft smile graces your face at his words.

“I’ll be perfectly okay, baby. I’ll be right here watching you take on the world.” He moves closer to you and wraps his arms around you.

“I know you’ll be okay, but I also know how much you hate being alone for months at a time.” 

“Hey, listen to me, okay? It’s the same as any other time you’ve been on tour. I’ll hold down the fort at home while you go out and live your dream.”

“I don’t want you to have to stay here all alone though, dove. Doesn’t seem fair.” You begin running your hands through his messy ringlets.

“What about it isn’t fair? I have a job here to do, just like you have a job to do. Yours just requires you traveling around the world.” 

“Just seems wrong to leave you here.”

You sigh. “Listen, you have to go on tour, there’s nothing that can change that. I’m fine staying here as long as I know that you’re coming home at some point, okay? I’m happy that you get to do this.”

He pulls back from you for a moment, planting a light peck on your cheek before burying his face back into your neck.

*

It’s been three months since Harry left for tour, and as much as you truly are happy for him, you were having a progressively harder time with being completely content with the entire situation. The longer that he’s gone, the more you seem to lose your way without him with you every day. This happens every time that he goes on tour, regardless of how long that he’s gone. For the first few months, everything’s jumbled up and it’s hard for you to completely adapt to him being gone.

He’s only been gone for a fraction of the time that he has to be, but you can’t help but feel like it’s been years. Every time that he’s home for an extended period of time and then leaves again, it hits you hard just how much that you love him. He’s everything that you’ve ever wanted and everything that you’ll ever need. Being without him feels like torture, and you silently wish to yourself every day that he could have a career doing what he loves, but without having to leave so often.

As soon as the thought comes into your mind, though, you quickly rid it from your thoughts. He’s living his dream and you can’t be anything but happy for him.

Shaking those thoughts from your mind doesn’t stop others from taking root in your brain, though. The most adamant one being that you wish he’d just run back home to hold you and comfort you, even if it was only for the night.

As much as you wish for it, though, you know that he can’t just do that. So instead of holding him as you fall asleep every night, you fall asleep holding his pillow as he talks you to sleep over the phone.

*

Okay so I’m not sure how to feel about this but I hope that it’s good!!! 

Permanent Taglist - @spidey-reids-2003, @jackiehollanderr, @scarletsoldierrr, @thewayilookatbacon, @parker-barnes-af, @lost-in-the-stars03, @kisses-holland, @josiemara, @god-knows-what-am-i-doing, @fanficscuziranout,  @akila-stilinski , @babebenhardy @write-from-the-heart, @slytherinambitious, @miraclesoflove @quaksonhehe, @dummiesshort, @sleepybesson, @sunshine96love, @itstaskeen, @wotamelonsugar, @fallingfordolans, @missleahlin, @urbandcal, @5-seconds-of-mendes, @sarcasticallywitty15​, 

Harry Styles Taglist - @alwayshave-faith, @hufflepuff-always-and-forever, @sucker-09 @just-chillin-out-in-me-box, @macksmedicine, @xo-spidey, @afterhoursharry, @shawnieeboyy, 

*

#Zoey Writes #harry styles x reader #harry styles fluff #harry styles angst #harry styles smut #harry styles writing #harry styles #hs

[joonapeach]

skylines (nj)

college!au, where namjoon openly chases you and you love running from those advances. that is, until everyone in your architecture department finds out you’re the daughter of the man behind the biggest architecture firm in the country. 

alternatively... namjoon is a simp for you until he’s suddenly not 

author’s note: sometimes i just wanna write for the fun of it and not take life so seriously so this is what i churned out. 8.8k words of some minor pining and mini character development for our oc because tbh, being a student sucks and you get so caught up in your insecurity sometimes

also reposted on ao3

[this is fluff and light-hearted, with a bit of a rivalry trope, 8.8k words]

You love skylines.

From when you were six years old with short legs, you remember craning your neck up high to see each building that surrounded you. At that age, the world seemed big and you seemed small but you loved it. You loved seeing the world build and function around you. 

From then on outwards began your decades-long relationship with your first love - buildings. 

Well, you called it buildings and your father called it architecture. You were the daughter of his dreams, his proclaimed legacy. What luck I have, he would say, that I have a daughter who will grow up to work beside me.

Growing up, those comments were your food for the day. You would eat up his encouragements and cheers throughout high school, serving him back your high grades on a gold platter.

This is the way you’ve worked through your past nineteen years. It’s a little basic, maybe, but you’ve operated on your father’s ambition for you. 

But like all good things, even that seemed to come to an end. Since entering university and embarking on your path as an architecture major, the once comforting encouragement has slowly changed to a choking chain around you.

You’ve learnt a lot in two semesters at university. You’ve learnt how to finish assignments the night before, how to memorize historical names and dates minutes before an exam, you’ve learnt how fun it can be to be with your friends.

But most of all, you’ve learnt that… you’re not special. 

You’re surrounded by overachievers, all like you, all perhaps better than you in some way. You’re the daughter of the man behind HN Architects, but some of your classmates look like they’re on their way to the top of the chain.

You always thought you deserved your seat, your privilege, because you’d worked for it. These days, it doesn’t seem much like that. And you worry that your father is thinking the very same thing.

Let’s finish this assignment, you sigh, there’s not much left. Let’s do it, you give yourself a pep talk, fighting back a yawn at the practically empty library before dawn.

Books crash down on your table, right beside you. You shake, being pulled so abruptly out of your reverie. Although maybe you should be thankful, for the sleep that was threatening your productivity seems to have run away from the sound. 

“Excuse me,” you scoff loudly, making your presence known to the disturbance.

From above the tower of books on the desk, peeks out a familiar dimpled smile. His eyes glint with mischief and despite the early hours of the day, his face reads no exhaustion.

“You’re excused.” 

You groan. “There’s an entire empty library, you can only sit here?”

“Studying is more fun with company,” he retorts with a grin.

“It’s studying. It’s not meant to be fun,” you reply, hostile. “Didn’t I tell you to stop showing up in front of me with no purpose?’

He smiles again, confidently with his eyes unmoving from you. It’s almost unnerving, how much you see Namjoon smile in front of you. Architecture students are not meant to be this happy. They aren’t meant to carry a warm smile everywhere they go, looking at people with such attentive intensity.

“I haven’t shown up without a purpose though,” he says. “I came to ask for help with the assignment.” 

This time, you smile. But your smile is one of disbelief and amusement.

“Yes, that’s very believable, Namjoon,” you cock a brow. “You’re the one finishing assignments a week early and screwing up the curve for everyone but I’m sure I could help you with whatever you need.”

He grins, taking a seat next to you. “Hey, sometimes even I need help,” he replies but then pauses. “Ah, you’re right. I should’ve gone with coming to offer you help. That’s a lot more believable.”

“I don’t need your help,” you argue. “Stop showing up in front of me. And stop subtly flexing in front of me. It’s nauseating.”

He throws his head back and laughs. He looks so happy that it almost stirs a scary, fluttering feeling in your stomach. “You should be the last person to feel jealous of me, _____.”

You glare at him. “Yeah, because I’m the one who threatens your ranking?”

He shakes his head. “No, because I would help you with everything if you just asked.”

You still, for a moment. His words lull over in your head and they feel a bit weird. Your major is competitive and cut-throat, even if it doesn’t appear it. To you, Namjoon is your biggest rival, your biggest worry because you can never match up to him.

“Well, I’m not asking you for a thing. Is there really nothing you stress over?”

“No, there is. I just don’t cry over my textbook the nights before exams.”

“That was one time,” you mumble, infuriated. “And I had every right to be crying that night. It was the hardest exam that term and I have big shoes to fill. I can’t afford to be bothering people, like you,” you say with an intentional offense.

He takes none. “Big shoes? Who’s putting expectations on you?”

“Just some family. Stop being nosy,” you say swiftly. “And you didn’t even tell me. What do you stress over?”

He pauses, not giving a response for a moment. You wonder if it’s because there’s really nothing he stresses over. You wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case. While you and your friends have all cracked under the pressure of your degree, you especially with the added burden of your father… Namjoon has not once shown signs of struggle. He walks through life with that smile every day.

“Finding work,” he says after a while.

“Huh?”

He meets your eyes. “You asked me what I worry about. I worry about finding work when I graduate,” he says sincerely.

You bite back a rude laugh. “Please, Namjoon. Get real,” you roll your eyes. “You really think you can worry about that? You were the top of our class all last year.”

You don’t do a good job of hiding your envy, but it’s beyond you to care at this point. You’ve become this person now. The one who seeks everything out of their number on the paper.

“But I don’t have any connections. I come from a village, practically, as you like to call it,” he says with a chuckle. It stings you a little, he’s referring to the time you and your friends had put him down out of jealousy with those words. But he doesn’t say it like it bothers him. He says it like it’s true. 

“So?” you say, looking away from him and back on your sheet. “You don’t always need connections.”

“Not always, but a lot of the time,” he shrugs.

“Any company who takes a look at your record and speaks to you for five minutes would want you, Namjoon,” you exhale, knowing your words are 100% true. You think about your father, about HN Architects. Namjoon’s the kind of guy who your father wouldn’t think twice about hiring. He’s the epitome of someone who could fill any shoes you gave him.

You scoff bitterly. “Wait a second. Why am I comforting you right now? You’re a success story in the making,” you snap and he laughs, even though you didn’t intend it to be a joke. “You should be comforting me, you idiot. I don’t even know if I’ll have Mr. Labadee’s assignment done in time for submission!”

He puts his hands up. “Okay, okay, don’t worry. Why do you think I’m here?” he looks away, still smiling as he takes the pencil from your hand and moves closer to the sheet.

“What?” you say, watching the way his eyebrows furrow and his eyes scan the paper. He’s losing himself in the sheet now, and it feels like watching a prodigy at work. You picture this is what it would feel like to watch Bill Gates code on a computer before he formally started his career or watching The Beatles pen a song before they made it big. 

“Hm?”

“Did you come here for me?” you ask and for a split second, you see his eyes shift. “Did Chae tell you I was here?”

He doesn’t respond, instead focusing on the assignment. “Your calculation is wrong here. Look,” he says, pointing at a section. As he explains your mistake, you smile satisfied. 

He doesn’t need to admit it. You two have gone through this very situation so many times now, that you both know it’s true. Namjoon always comes for you.

/

You have kept your background, your family, extremely private since joining university.

In high school, you made the mistake of letting people know that you were the daughter of HN Architects. It resulted in years of people smooching up to you, gossiping behind your back, mean assumptions, and just a general nightmare.

That nightmare would only multiply if your friends here found out about it. They were all architect majors, all in the same cut-throat degree, and you came from privilege. 

It scared you, knowing what could happen if they ever found out. You begged your family to make sure that nothing would tie you to them here, keeping your name different on the registrar, not publishing photos of you in the paper. You couldn’t risk all the friends and relationships you made. Even if they said things won’t change, you know they would. They always do.

“I need to sleep for 10 years,” you mumble, falling on your bed. 

“Fuck this, I wish I was you right now,” Chae cries from her side of the room. “I’ve got one more submission.”

“I woke up at 4 to finish it so you should be fine,” you laugh, looking at her. “And did you send Namjoon to me?”

Chae fights a smile on her face. You sigh, knowing you’ve opened Pandora's box.

“He came to me asking about you last night. I told him you were sleeping, but you’d be at the library at 5 working on the assignment,” she smirks cheekily. “Why, did he come?” she asks, not hiding the overly inquisitive edge to her question.

You say nothing, deciding to turn on your laptop.

“He did!” she screams and your eyes widen, telling her to be quiet. “Sorry! I just can’t help it. That’s so sweet,” she squeals.

“Stop sending him after me. You’re encouraging him.”

“You’re encouraging him!” she counters. “You let him help you with your assignment, didn’t you?”

“Yes, but-”

“And you showed up at his dorm last week for notes, didn’t you?”

“Okay, but-”

“And you told him off for helping Eun like four days ago, remember?”

“Chae,” you stop her, sternly. “Have you lost your mind? Don’t you realize what all those things have in common?”

“They all are evidence of the fact that you reciprocate his year-long courtship?”

You roll your eyes. “No, idiot. All these things are work-related. I can’t afford to be falling behind, and I need his help.”

“Okay, but you were jealous of Eun-”

“I was annoyed that he was helping other people score higher! The last thing I need right now is the lazy kids of the class becoming my competition too,” you complain, grumbling.

Chae stares you down. “_____, not everything is about your degree,” she says light-heartedly, but you know your statement bothers her. 

Exhaling, you shut your eyes. You hate it when conversations come to this. Sometimes, you wish you could just tell people which family you came from. Maybe it would do them good, to make them realize that yes, for you, everything is about your degree. Everything in your life revolves around being successful in this path. 

You were cynical but at least you were real. You admitted things the way they were, when competition was competition, you said it, and when you needed something, you asked for it. That made it okay, you told yourself.

And when it comes to Namjoon… it’s especially okay. He’s both the only reason you’re hanging on okay in your degree, and the reason you feel insecure. You wonder how it can be that someone like him exists.

“Anyways, are you really gonna leave talking about Joon there?” Chae scoffs. “He’s liked you since we started. You really won’t do anything about it?”

“Namjoon is nothing but another classmate that stresses me out, Chae. I don’t see him that way. I just like his work ethic.”

Chae laughs. “You’re so skewed, honestly. Are you busy tomorrow?”

“Why, are you planning on ratting me out to him again?”

“No, silly,” she laughs, although you both know it’s likely she’d do it again. “Let’s go to the Autumn fair tomorrow. After I submit.”

“The fair? You mean those three stalls they set up and call it an event?”

She frowns. “Don’t be mean. Hobi and the others have really been working hard on it this year. It’ll be nicer than the last, I promise.”

“As long as there are at least 10 booths this year.”

“You’re too mean for your own good, _____,” she says, tsk-ing. “One day, you’ll see what it’s like to be on the other end.”

/

Your overactive imagination always paints a skyline for you, where there’s an empty space. You can always picture different styles of buildings, standing together, making a city. 

It’s at times like those you realize that even if you wanted to give up, even if you tried to pursue something else, your heart will always come back to this. There is nothing more that belonged to you than this.

Even if it’d become difficult now, it didn’t matter. It became a source of worry more than an outlet of passion, but it’s still your calling. You can’t give up on something you love this much.

“Your toffee apple is dripping,” you hear his voice before you see him.

You want to turn and snap at him but the sticky toffee syrup that falls onto your fingers stops you.

“Ugh,” you groan, trying to fix it. Namjoon’s hand comes out with a tissue, quickly wiping your fingers without a word. Even after he’s done, the sticky feeling remains. “I should just throw this away.”

He laughs. “Let’s get candy corn.”

“No, thanks, I have to go find Chae and Yuna.”

Even though you step away, you hear his footsteps almost immediately behind you. 

“What’s the rush?” he says, catching up beside you. When you two walk together like this, his tall figure towers over in a way that makes you feel small. “Shouldn’t you offer to buy me candy corn? Did you forget how I helped you at 5 in the morning two days ago for Professor Labadee’s class?”

“You chose to wake up at that time, not me,” you say, keeping your eyes trained ahead. You weren’t expecting much from this fair, but the students had done well. Bright fairy lights decorate the lamp posts around you and along the long path, dozens of stalls are set up. It all feels a little bit like a movie.

“As long as you got it done,” he says under his breath. You dare to take a glimpse of him and inhale sharply. He’s wearing his smile, he always is, but the fairy lights reflect on his face, illuminating him like an angel. Everything about him feels good.

You look away almost immediately. “Stop following me Namjoon,” you say, stopping at a trinkets stall and smiling at the girl behind the table.

“But I like seeing you outside of architecture things,” he grins confidently.

You opt to ignore him, asking the price of something that catches your eye.

He cranes his neck to see what it is. “Want me to get it for you?”

You quickly counter. “Absolutely not,” you say, handing over your money notes. 

“You’re really buying an ornament of buildings?” he cocks a brow. “Don’t you want something like this instead?” he picks up a small snow globe, shaking it so the snow moves. The globe is miniscule to begin with, but you notice how in his hands, it looks almost tiny.

“What can I say? I like buildings.”

He smiles. “More than people, maybe.”

You sigh, ignoring his statement. Once you get the paper bag with your purchase inside, you keep walking ahead. You count to three before you hear his footsteps mimic yours.

“I’ll buy you candy corn, then you leave me alone,” you turn to say to him. “It’s not good that you’re always showing up where I am.”

He nods like an obedient puppy. Then he frowns and asks, “why is it not good?”

When you don’t respond, focusing on walking to the candy booth, he adds, “is it not good for you? Getting attached to me now?”

You don’t have to see his face to know he’s doing his goofy smile again. “It’s not good for you to keep going through these many rejections in a lifetime.”

He laughs, your words not bothering him the slightest. Standing in front of the candy booth, Jungkook and Jae, two of your architect classmates greet you.

“Hey Joon! Aw, you two hanging out again?” Jae smiles widely as if he’s in some big secret. You roll your eyes, not saying a word but pointing to the candy corn.

“_____ is treating me to candy corn. Isn’t she sweet?”

“I’m not treating you out of kindness, I’m doing it so you feel compensated for your efforts with my assignment.” 

Jungkook and Jae share an amused look that you almost miss. Shuffling through your pocket, you start counting the money to give. As you hand over the money to Jae, Jungkook places a brown paper bag in Namjoon’s hands.

“You two enjoy yourselves,” Jungkook beams brightly.

You scoff. “Is there really such a thing as enjoyment when I have him on my tail?” 

Without bidding them a proper goodbye, you walk away from the stall, leaving the three standing. Like clockwork, Namjoon is beside you again.

“Here,” he says, and suddenly the bag of candy corn is in your hands.

You raise a brow. “What are you giving this to me for? You were the one who wanted it.”

“You were eating a sad, overpriced toffee apple. This should be for you too.”

“Namjoon.” You give him a look, but he pays no mind. 

Without saying anything more, you two walk together in silence. It didn’t intend to be this way, but it feels nice now. You feel good that you were dragged out of a cycle of the bedroom to the classroom to the library for once.

Of course, it’s weird that amidst all this, Namjoon is the one beside you. Usually, when you see him, your mind wanders to the place that curses him for being everything you wish you were. But tonight, you’re laying off those thoughts.

Staring at the crowd around the speakers, you two pause for a bit. You see Chae and Yuna, along with your other coursemates all together.

Still beside you, Namjoon speaks out of the blue. “Why don’t you call me Joon?”

“What do you mean? I didn’t realize I was required to,” you shrug at the random question. “I don’t know you like that.”

“Everyone in our class calls me Joon. Even your group member who I met that one time is calling me Joon,” he argues. “You know me better than all those people. If anything, you should be the only one.”

“What are you on about? I don’t know you at all,” you throw a blank look his way. “And don’t argue that we spend a lot of time together. You follow me around and show up where I am. That’s not spending time together.”

“We’re spending time together right now, aren’t we?” 

“It’s a first. Don’t get used to it.”

He laughs as if your cold remarks are something affectionate. “I don’t think I really could get used to seeing you outside the library, _____. You’re there more than me and I’m always studying too.”  

You scoff cynically. “Are you flexing your rank again on me?”

“_____, if I cared so much about my rank, I wouldn’t be helping you with work all the time,” he laughs, amused.

“I don’t know. Maybe helping me is all part of your plan to keep beating me,” you say. “Isn’t this just a power move? You always showing up to help me.”

He laughs again before his stare stills on you. His eyes are bright and sparkling… or is it just the effect of the stupid fairy lights? You can hardly tell.

Despite yourself, it all makes your stomach drop. You hate it when Namjoon shows up unannounced in your life, but more than that, you hate it when he gives you this kind of look. Like he can’t look anywhere else but at you.

“More than a power move, it’s just a gesture for you.”

The fluttering feeling worsens and you blink. You choose to say nothing, instead staring ahead at the view. “That is the ugliest building I’ve ever seen.”

For a second, he smiles but it doesn’t reach his eyes. Eventually, he humors you. “It’s not all that bad.”

“In my professional opinion as a future architect, that is the exact type of building I would want to bulldoze.”

“Well, in my professional opinion as another future architect, I’d say your standards are far too high.”

“I’m allowed to keep my standards high. It’s me,” you smile with a glint in your eye.

He laughs, staring at you softly. “That I can agree with.”

You taunt him playfully. “You’re so predictable. Does it not get tiring hanging off my every word?”

He shakes his head loyally. “Absolutely not. I think everything you say is valuable and worth hanging off.”

“How lame,” you joke although you two share a smile. It’s true, he is a little predictable. But it’s Namjoon’s predictability that at times, catches you off guard. It’s fun, knowing that he’s two steps behind you wherever you are.

A warm feeling stirs in your body and you wonder if it’s the autumn air. Glancing up at Namjoon, the same air ruffles his hair endearingly and you tear yourself away from staring at it.

“I’m only gonna say it once so if there’s any word of mine you wanna hang off, it’s this,” you say before shoving the bag of candy corn back into his hands. “Power move or not, thanks for helping me. I really need it sometimes and I appreciate it.”

The grin on his face widens. “One more time, I didn’t hang off it enough!”

“I told you, only one time.”

“But the music was so loud, I couldn’t hear you well.”

“Too bad.”

“Come on, _____, take pity on me.”

“Shut up and eat your candy corn.”

/

You find yourself quickly back in your routine after the Autumn fair, working on new assignments and projects till your worst nightmare comes to life unexpectedly.

“Please be on time, _____!” Chae repeats to you for the fifth time that morning.

“Chae, I’ll be there. I’ll literally run from the design building to the auditorium, okay?”

She clicks her tongue at you. “Stop acting like you’re doing me a favor by showing up. You should be excited.”

“I am. But… I mean, do we really need this kind of random assembly for our architecture department?” you groan, slipping your laptop into its case. “Can’t they just give us the extra time to work on our homework?”

“But there’ll be companies there!” she retorts, wide-eyed and excited. “Just imagine. This is like those movies, where they come and scout students and then bam, life is sorted.”

You nod, forcing a smile. You remember your privilege, knowing your worry has never once been finding work but living up to the work that was set out for you. But you could never explain that here. How could you cry about the burden that kept you so troubled when it was a burden any one of your friends would happily want?

“Okay. I’ll see you there,” you settle for a wave, walking out to leave. You rush with your bag on your back to your classroom, immersed in your lesson till the hour finishes up.

For the moments after class finishes, your mind is blank. You’re going over your homework in your head, packing your things and your eyes widen. The meeting. You almost forgot.

True to your words, you actually do end up running from the design building to the auditorium. Sprinting from your class to the auditorium proves to be a harder workout than you anticipated and your heart can’t stop racing.

Stepping inside the auditorium, you jump into the first empty seat you see at the entrance.

“Where is she?” you mumble under your breath. Your eyes shift around the room, looking for a familiar head of short black hair. Catching sight of Chae, you wave to her but she doesn’t notice you at all. Instead, she’s busy talking to a group of students all from your year.

Everyone’s sat together, cozy and comfortable in a conversation together. You can even see Namjoon in the row above Chae, chatting energetically. Your heart strangely pangs.

Sometimes, seeing everyone like this, everyone from your major and year together, made you feel more like an outsider than anything. At first, you’d chalked it up to be because of your obsession with studying and academics… but students better than you, students like Namjoon and Mina, all seemed to be doing fine. 

In the end, you realized it isn’t anything to do with that. You feel like an outsider because you are one. You’ve tried your hardest to blend in, but the fact remains that you feel alone in the problems you have. You’ve kept your identity as the daughter of HN Architects a secret, you’ve kept your family pressures a secret… Now you’re alone in the burden of your struggles.

Sometimes, you’ve thought about opening up. But the thought terrifies you even more.

If you felt so alone while keeping the truth of your ambitions a secret… there’d be no telling what kind of way your friends would treat you after finding out.

“We’re lucky enough to have… here’s a representative from Canvas Corp… looking for fresh talent… Yongchan Architecture…” you’re hardly paying attention to the speakers on stage till you finally hear, “and most fortunately, the chairman of HN Architects!”

Your head shoots up so fast that it almost flies off. No fucking way.

Your father is smiling on the stage, wearing a crisp suit and greeting the architecture department heads. Without realizing it, your body cowers back into your seat as you see his eyes scan the auditorium. He must be looking for you - his daughter.

His daughter that not a single soul in this room knew was you.

Your heart goes into panic mode before you try to calm yourself down. Relax, you mutter repeatedly to yourself although it’s less effective than you thought it’d be.

Your eyes dance between your father on stage and your group of friends with Chae sitting seats away from you. Neither of them have noticed you.

Instead, your classmates are all watching your father with starstruck eyes. They’re staring at your father like he’s their idol.

Well, objectively, maybe he could be. After all, you admire your father for the very same reason every architecture student does - your father is a legend. His company has one of the best reputations in the country, which feeds your pride, and he’s nothing short of a hard-working, inspiring man.

Namjoon, in particular, is staring at your father like he can’t believe his eyes. It’s a look you’ve never seen from him before. Like he’s both nervous and thinks he’s in a dream. It’s almost endearing.

“To celebrate having the chairman of HN Architects with us today, we’ll have him say a few words!” Mr. Lim, the head of the architecture department, announces enthusiastically into the mic. He turns to your father, “do you mind?”

“Not at all!” your father grins, taking the mic before starting. “It’s my pleasure to be here today! In fact, seeing all of you reminds me of my own days as an architecture student…”

He trails off into a long speech, excitedly. You’ve been witness to every single one of your father’s inspirational speeches since the day you were born so you fight back a yawn. On the contrary, your classmates look like they’re hanging onto every single word.

As your father paces across the stage, he inches towards your side. You blink in panic, bending down but before you know it, it’s too late. His eyes sparkle with joy.

You almost worry he’s gonna wave at you mid-speech. But he doesn’t, simply shooting an overly friendly smile your way. You sneak a glance at your classmates and they’re all giving you a strange look - one that most definitely reads what the heck is he smiling at you for?

Meeting Chae’s eyes in particular, you give an awkward smile and shrug. Soon enough, your father turns to the side and you finally think you can breathe.

“That’s why I’d like to encourage you all to live up to your potential! The world is changing around you as you know it and as future architects, you can be a part of that,” your father enthusiastically continues. His eyes are on you again. “And this is what I tell my beautiful daughter everyday! She loves skylines, my dear _____, and she’s going to be a wonderful architect too!”

My life is officially over.

A little dramatic but that exact thought crosses your mind as you duck into your seat. You think you hear the collective gasp around the auditorium or maybe your ears are playing tricks on you.

No, it’s probably as bad you think it is. Your father’s called you out by name and exposed your identity that you worked so hard to conceal. Your life is quite literally over.

Oblivious to your misery, your father grins happily on stage. He returns the mic to Mr. Lim before stepping to the side. The rest of the assembly goes by without you realizing. You’re still numb to the fact of what just happened.

You risk a glance at your classmates, and in cliche movie fashion, they’re all staring at you with mouths gaping wide open. Every single one of them.

Your neck heats up and you quickly turn around. But curiosity gets the best of you a few minutes later, and you risk looking again.

They’re still staring at you in shock. Like they can’t believe their eyes.

Chae especially is looking at you with hurt flashing across her face. It squeezes at your heart and you feel overcome with guilt for lying to your friend for a year. You don’t dare to imagine what she’s thinking now.

Without realizing, your eyes travel over to Namjoon. Much to your surprise, he’s not looking at you. He’s the only one with his eyes looking ahead blankly, deep in thought.

You frown, evading everyone’s stares to focus on him. An unrecognizable emotion is written all over his face… is it realization? Regret? Embarrassment?

You can hardly tell. But for the first time, an uncomfortable feeling plunges in your stomach at the fact that Namjoon’s not looking at you.

/

“Dad!” you cry. “How could you do that?”

Your father smiles happily at the sight of you, the two of you standing outside the auditorium in a secluded, private spot. The torture, that was the assembly, has finally come to an end.

“What do you mean?” he answers in confusion. “Do you mean showing up here? Because I was invited by that Mr. Lim fellow, he-”

“Not that!” you whine, groaning into your palms. “I’m talking about saying I’m your daughter in front of the whole architecture department!”

His eyebrows shoot up. “Oh, that? What did I do wrong?”

Your jaw drops. “Dad, are you being serious?”

He nods, clear puzzlement on his face.

“Don’t you remember? I specifically asked for you and Mom to make sure that it never gets out!” you say. “Now, you’ve told everyone I go to college with that I’m the daughter of the man behind HN Architects!”

He blinks for a few seconds. “Is that so wrong?” he almost pouts like a child. “I didn’t know it was such a problem.”

“Of course, it is! Why do you think I asked you not to tell anyone?”

“...I thought you were being modest.”

“Modest?!” you exclaim, before sighing. There’s no use berating your father. It’s no one’s fault but your own for not preparing better for this situation.

“Did you really not want anyone to find out?”

You nod weakly.

“Why not?”

“I… I can’t explain it. They’ll freak out,” you look down. You can’t imagine how much worse your stress is gonna get from now on - it isn’t enough that your own title of the daughter of HN Architects is choking you to death… now you’ll have to deal with every single one of your classmates doing the same thing.

Things will never be the same again. For every grade you get, it’ll be discussed as the grade of the HN Architects’ daughter. For every drawing or idea you’ll submit, it’ll be scrutinized as the work of a girl from privilege. The pressure would multiply infinitely. 

“Oh dear, don’t be silly,” your father suddenly says, resting his hand on your head. “I’m sorry for that. I didn’t realize it was so serious to you. But even if they know, it’s not an issue. You’re an excellent student and it’s only right they pay you the respect as the future CEO of HN Architects.”

You shoot your father a smile but your stomach drops. “I guess so, thanks,” you mumble, unable to explain to him that it’s exactly what he said that terrifies you. 

For the rest of the day, you hide out off-campus in hopes to avoid facing reality.

/

“_____, I think you need to pay for the emotional shock you gave us,” Hobi laughs at the lunch table as soon as you arrive.

Hesitantly, you sit beside Chae who doesn’t share a word with you. Since yesterday, you haven’t even made eye contact with her, despite being her roommate. 

“I think I almost spat out my water when I heard my daughter,” Mina jokes and the table echoes in laughter. You smile awkwardly.

“Yeah… it’s not really a big deal,” you shrug.

“Not a big deal?! Hello! We’re talking to the next HN Architects CEO right now!” another student pipes up.

“_____, forgive me for all I did wrong last semester,” Yuri playfully adds.

“I think we need to be cleaning the floor for her to walk on!”

These statements all fly around the table, exchanged with laughs and smiles. Part of you cowers in the attention, uncomfortable by such blatant recognition of your upbringing.

Another part of you wonders… will things be okay?

You take a careful look around the table of your classmates. Not a single one seems to wear a glare, all sharing in jokes and smiles. For the strangest reason… you feel at ease.

Chae suddenly stands up, with her tray. “I’m done eating. I’ll see you guys later.”

Instantly, you mimic her and chase behind her retreating figure. “Wait Chae-”

“I have class right now-”

Like a child, you jump in front of her to block her path. “Okay, please just hear me out,” you say, pouting. “I’m sorry.”

She sighs. “What are you sorry for? It’s not a big deal.”

“You must feel… annoyed, right?”

Chae blinks at you. “I’ll admit, I was irritated at first. You come from such privilege and I’ve unloaded so much crap on you sometimes about being scared about post-college life while you never had that… but, I’m not really mad about that. You can’t help who you are, right?”

You nod. “You’re still mad at me though, aren’t you? For hiding it?”

She takes a second before replying, “I just… you’re so unreachable sometimes, _____. After I found out, I kind of realized why you’re so stressed all the time and what you meant whenever you alluded to things about your pressures and all… I’m just annoyed you never shared that part of you.”

“I’m sorry.”

For the first time since yesterday, Chae cracks a smile. “Don’t be sorry. I just want you to be more open with me. You don’t need to feel like you need to hide your background… I would’ve tried to understand either way.”

Her words soothe you more than you can explain. Since entering your major, you haven’t once relied on the people around you for support that wasn’t academic. Now, you’re realizing your fatal flaw.

“I’ll try to be better,” you say with a nod. “Thank you for not being mad at me.”

She laughs. “Anyway, you don’t need to worry about me,” she says with a glance elsewhere. “You should check up on him. He’s been spooked since yesterday.”

You turn on your heel to see Namjoon, walking around with the same strange expression on his face from the assembly. For a brief second, your eyes meet but the second flashes, and he quickly looks away.

“Did you see that?!” you scoff. “He just ignored me!”

Chae smiles. “Wow, there really is a first for everything.”

“What’s with him?” you say, watching his awkward walk in your opposite direction. He keeps glancing in your direction, but once he sees you staring at him, he swiftly looks away. It’s a completely new side to him. 

“I don’t know,” Chae shrugs. “He’s being weird. I thought he’d be running after you like always, but he’s resorted to this.”

You scoff again, unfamiliar with this Namjoon who runs away from you, rather than to you. You wonder what’s running through his mind, before pushing the thought away. He’s bound to come after you again after a few days.

/

The confidence with which you assumed Namjoon would be all over you again is faltering.

It’s been a full week since the assembly, and while life has seemingly gone back to normal for you (as normal as things can be)... Namjoon certainly has not.

In classes, he picks the furthest seat away on purpose. You even started to tease him by trying to sit in his front row with him, but instead, you found him in the back row - where he can’t even see. 

His lunches seem to be perfectly timed to not clash with yours. All of a sudden, he’s no longer in the library either. All the places you’d easily find Namjoon hovering over you, he’s disappeared from.

“Does he think this is effective?!” you rant to Chae in your dorm room. “That by suddenly ignoring me, I’ll become obsessed with him?!”

Chae smiles at you knowingly. “I don’t know… if that was his plan to begin with, I’d say it’s pretty effective-”

“Shut up, Chae! I’m just saying this is all so stupid!” you scoff. “Once or twice is fine but he’s actively avoiding me! He saw me in the library yesterday and acted like he forgot a book to leave! We were in the library for god’s sake! What book did he forget that he couldn’t find there?!”

Chae giggles like the situation is laugh-worthy. “Maybe he’s just busy.”

“He made time during final exams last year to bother me. How much busier could he be than he was then?”

“Or maybe he doesn’t want to distract you.”

“It’s not that for sure. Whenever I’d tell him that he’s distracting me before, he wouldn’t care,” you mumble under your breath annoyedly. Chae continues to grin at your behavior, as if your reaction were amusing.

You don’t say it to her but you know very well why you’re annoyed beyond relief. It’s because you know it’s to do with finding out about HN Architects.

You groan. You expected your classmates to be weird around you, maybe even your professors… but Namjoon was the last person you thought would suddenly make a 180 after learning about your family.

That’s why it’s aggravating. Because it’s the one thing you didn’t think he’d care about.

A part of you fears he’s realized just how pathetic you are. After all, Namjoon probably knows how much more promising he is compared to you and now… he had to sit with the fact that you were the daughter of HN Architects.

“Why don’t you just approach him yourself?”

You’re momentarily stunned by Chae’s suggestion. You shoot her a dirty glare.

“What?!”

“I’m not gonna chase after Namjoon! He should approach me himself!”

Chae looks at you like you’re crazy. “You’re the one who wants him to talk to you!”

“Exactly! He should come to me like he always does.”

A laugh escapes Chae’s lips. “Oh, _____… you don’t even realize it, do you?”

You cock a brow before shaking your head. “I don’t have time for your indirect dialogue. I’m just saying that if Namjoon doesn’t come to me and talk this out soon, I’m gonna have to do something very crazy.”

Chae’s eyes flicker with amusement. “Oh? And what’s that?”

You grimace, as if even saying it brings you humiliation. “I’m gonna go talk to him first.”

Chae bursts out laughing, despite your solemn expression. You brush her off, spending the rest of the night on your design homework but secretly planning on wringing Namjoon’s throat if he doesn’t go back to normal soon.

/

By now, you’re sure Namjoon can feel the daggers you’re shooting into his back.

He’s even risked turning back a few times, to see who’s glaring at him. But as soon as your eyes meet, his head spins around as if it were all in your head. He focuses on the professor teaching ahead of him, taking notes diligently.

Beside you, Chae says with a nudge, “so are you gonna do that very crazy thing you were planning?”

You ignore her for the sake of gritting your teeth. Usually, you have no trouble focusing in classes. It’s all because of this wretched situation that you’re so off-game.

As soon as the professor wraps up his powerpoint, you’re faster than anyone else in the class at packing up your things and zooming out the door. You don’t even bid Chae goodbye.

You tap your foot impatiently, staring directly at your target. 

Namjoon… try and ignore me now.

Hooking his bag over his shoulder, Namjoon comes to the door of the classroom before stopping his tracks. Aha, you smile pleased.

“Ah, I just forgot… to talk about my assignment with Mr. Choi,” he mutters out loud to no one in particular. The acting is so terrible that you don’t even have to think about it to know he’s intending it for you to hear.

You march up to him. “No, you don’t,” you scoff and when he looks up at the ceiling, you jump like an infant calling for attention. “Namjoon, if you value your life, you’re gonna drop this act right now,” you say in a menacing voice. 

Immediately, he gulps and looks down at you. His height towers over yours but you smile, knowing you’ve gained the upper hand here. He’s looking at you just as he did before - completely enamoured.

You say nothing but give a deadly gesture to follow you. He obeys without complaint.

When you two are finally in a spot you deem private enough, you raise your chin and look at him happily. Under your gaze, he looks down uncomfortably.

“So you want me to say it or will you explain what the hell is going on?”

He blinks. “I’m not sure what you’re talking about, _____.”

Your blood boils. Now, he wants to feign ignorance. “You’re joking,” you deadpan.

He looks at you innocently and shakes his head. You sigh, blinking in confusion.

This whole situation is a first. True to your words, you’ve never actually… had to do anything more than bat an eye to know Namjoon would come to you. You don’t know the words to even ask what’s wrong.

“_____,” he says in a low voice. You glance up at him, completely losing your train of thought. The sight of him has never registered you disorientated before. But now, you can’t help but trace your eyes over his dimples and sparkling eyes.

You scoff at yourself. You must’ve lost your mind temporarily. “You know what I’m talking about!”

He shakes his head so you continue, “you used to always come to the library at my timings and sit on my lunch table.”

“Oh,” he nods. “That’s because I wanted to sleep in more so I changed my schedule around a bit.”

You blink at his explanation. “You sat at the back of the class when I came to the front row-”

“I just wanted to see what it’s like to sit there. Turns out, it sucks,” he pauses when you don’t reply. “_____?”

You frown, part confused and part innocently. “I just mean… why aren’t you following me anymore?”

The words are out of your mouth before you can help it and your eyes widen in humiliation. That isn’t the way you wanted to ask the question.

Namjoon, instead, is amused. He smirks ever so slightly, before cocking his brow and asking, “Are you asking me why I don’t chase you around anymore?”

His newfound confidence almost makes you lose your footing. This is Namjoon - the nerdy guy who’d come to you. He can’t have this effect on you.

You scoff, faking an assured smile. “Are you denying that you chased me around?”

He blinks. “I mean-”

“Surely, you accept the fact that you did chase me around for a whole year,” you say with a smile playing on your lips. Of course, between the two of you, you both know very well of Namjoon’s infatuation with you. He’s danced around those feelings for both of your comedy’s sake… but this time, you won’t let that slide.

He looks at you, tongue poking in his cheek. “Fine. I do chase you around.”

You almost smile with victory but you stop yourself. Before you can speak, he continues.

“But I won’t anymore. I’m sorry. It was wrong of me,” he says sincerely, seemingly ready on his toes to walk away. Your fingers wrap around his wrist without realizing.

“Wait!” you frown displeased. He’s glancing down at where your touch meets his hand and you instantly let go. “This makes no sense.”

He blinks, confused. “What do you… isn’t this what you’ve wanted?”

“You can’t just change your mind like that!” you argue, a strange desperation cutting into your voice. “You can’t make people get used to you and do that!”

Much to your surprise, he wears a small smile. “I didn’t think it’d bother you so much.”

“I can’t stand you,” you groan. “You chase me around, then you find out one tiny fact about my family and now, you think you’re so much better than me to come after me!” you yell, your heart hammering against your chest. You sound like a child, you know as much but… suddenly around him, all logic’s been thrown out your brain.

“_____,” he says in a breath, a glint in his eye that reads surprise and amusement. His dimples are poking out and you wonder what it’d be like to affectionately poke into one. “Do you… did you like when I would come to you?”

There’s no self-preserving answer to this, one that can save both your dignity and pride. You know what you should say to his question, but nerves are prickling under your skin.

It isn’t the nerves you feel before submitting a drawing or entering an exam, but a whole new uncharted territory of nerves. Everything about this conversation is uncharted territory.

“_____, do you…” he starts a question, before nervously brushing the nape of his neck. He looks shy to even ask but after a moment, he looks at you like a child with candy and says, “do you like me?”

Your heart’s in your stomach. Immediately, you laugh, “no! No! Why would I?! Are you crazy?! Why would I ever like-”

“I don’t know,” he blinks innocently, but the stare he holds on you seems suddenly intimate. “That’s what I’m thinking. Why would you ever care about why I stopped chasing after you, if you don’t like me?”

His cocky grin annoys you. You shoot him a deathly look. “Don’t get too confident with me, Joon,” you say although you’re fumbling with words. “I still remember when you couldn’t even look me in the eye.”

He takes a step closer, holding your stare with no qualms. Your heart speeds up again, like you’ve been running.

“_____,” he says softly with a victorious smile. “You like me, don’t you?”

“I’m not answering your stupid question. First, you explain to me why the hell you think you can treat me the way you have the last week-”

“Because I thought you didn’t like me back,” he answers smoothly. “You’re the daughter of HN Architects and I’ve been wasting your time all year long. I’ve always felt intimidated by you… but now, I realized I really wasn’t worth your time.”

You blink with a frown. “Namjoon-”

“I feel really embarrassed, _____… If I ever wanted to work at HN Architects, I wouldn’t even be able to show my face knowing the way I’ve bothered you-”

“You’ve never bothered me.”

“Huh?”

Your cheeks flush and you suddenly become very aware of the words that escaped your lips. You cast a hesitant glance at Namjoon and you can’t help it. Suddenly, everything feels a lot clearer.

“You know, you’re the kind of architect my father dreams about,” you find yourself saying. “You’re the kind of student someone like me should be. It all comes natural to you. I love buildings but everything I do, it’s just part of who you are… that’s why I acted like you bothered me.”

He’s at a loss for words before muttering, “_____…”

“All I ever think about is trying to fit the ideal I know I have to be and it all comes easy for you. You feel embarrassed in front of me…” you laugh with a scoff. “How do you think I feel, needing your help?”

“I never wanted to compete with you,” he says. “I just wanted to be by your side. I really wasn’t helping you for anything apart from looking for an excuse to be near you.”

There it is… the fluttering feeling.

The truth is, you’ve known all this time too. You’ve known that there was never any ulterior motive, just your cynical mind trying to conjure excuses.

You almost hate yourself at this moment. Your insecurity over your work has warped your thoughts so much that you convinced yourself that… that you feel nothing but annoyance for Namjoon.

“_____,” he starts. His hand hesitantly reaches up, stopping multiple times on its way before finally brushing your hair away from your forehead.

“I think it goes without saying but in my eyes, you’re the smartest person in our major and every time I’m with you, I don’t even care if you reject me or look for an excuse to go away,” he says. “You don’t even realize the way I see you.”

Your eyes sting and you’re not sure if it’s because his words move you or you’ve just forgotten to blink for a long while. “You’re so corny.”

He laughs. “Well, someone needs to tell you you’re doing a good job because I can tell you’re not telling yourself,” he says before sheepishly adding, “and I thought we were exchanging what we like about each other.”

“Who said I like you?”

He grins, ruffling your hair despite the scowl you give him. You say nothing but then give a smile. You didn’t expect today to feel so good… but somehow, that insecurity that plagues your mind at all hours of the day disappears for a while. 

All you can think about is wanting this feeling to last with him. Without warning, you reach to grab Namjoon’s wrist to walk out into the open garden of the campus. In front of your sight, there’s a skyline of buildings decorating the city.

“Do you still stand by your statement that that building is the ugliest?”

You grin. “It’s literally hideous, Joon. I can’t believe you’re the top of our class but think those colors look nice together.”

He gives a warm laugh, unable to disguise his happiness at the way you call him endearingly. Your eyes go back and forth between the skyline and Namjoon beside you before deciding that while buildings are your first true love… there’s something even more beautiful about the boy next to you.

hehe so excited to write on this blog if u read till the end jus know u have all my love

#namjoon fluff #namjoon fic #bts fics #namjoon x reader #college namjoon #bts fic #bts fluff #bts x reader #college au #joonapeach #namjoon fanfic #reader insert #bts scenarios #bts #fic recs #fic #namjoon fic recs #fic rec #namjoon #bts knj #namjoon scenarios #kim namjoon fanfiction #kim namjoon au #kim namjoon fluff

[areyougonnabe]

Fic Writer Questions!

tagged by @palamedessextus !!! thank u i love to procrastinate on writing by writing about writing

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

110 on my main account (+ 4 on my sneaky sock for Crimes™ lol)

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

614,551 on my main account which is. hm. a lot

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

obvi the main ones are the terror (50 fics) and good omens (35 fics). beyond that: TMA, the OA, doctor who, LOST, red dwarf, what we do in the shadows, the aubreyad, legends of tomorrow, banished, MCU, bbc ghosts, jeeves & wooster, russian doll, true detective, twin peaks, fleabag, & it's always sunny.

so technically 19, but wow a LOT of those are because i am a fiend for crossovers. (true detective x red dwarf... twin peaks x hannibal... the OA x lost.... russian doll x doctor who...) and many of the others were one-offs for yuletide. i'm pretty monofannish when it comes to writing!

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

lol they're all going to be for good omens... let's see

1. "it's a new craze" - the podcast fic. imho this fic is the definition of "The Claw," a.k.a. the phenomenon that sees some fics plucked out from the fray to become super popular. i'm not denying that it's good! i still think it's pretty clever! but its popularity was probably as much a function of timing as of quality

2. "what a way to make a living" - the uber driver fic. honestly still pretty proud of this one, it flows well and is structurally interesting and genuinely very funny and the perfect length. i had a blast in good omens fandom writing comedic fic, this one

3. "dearly departed" - another one i'm still very happy with. my first ever finished multi-chapter fic & the story that proved to me i could sustain a plot and original characters and also that people would actually enjoy it. so a pretty big deal!

4. "blame it on my juice, baby!" - the fake love potion one. i wrote this fic while delirious with horrible fever cooped up in a tiny council flat airbnb bedroom in london. i think it's still pretty strong although since writing it i've developed a severe aversion to the "meddling friend engineers a get-together" trope in fic & so cringe a bit when i read it back, lmao

5. "greatest hits" - the one with the original songs! the songs are still good.... the fic is ehhhhhhh i guess.

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

i don't respond to comments on most of my gomens fic anymore because 🤷‍♀️ but i do try to reply to everything i get on my terror fic/smaller fandom stories! my replies are usually very lame but i do like to take the time to thank people for reading.

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

i usually don't write angsty endings because i'm a weenie BUT the one exception is probably my terror/TMA crossover which cannot be said to end well by any means lol

7) What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

dearly departed has a very lovely ending... i will also plug my OA fic heat rises which is GREAT and has a GREAT ending and nobody read it because nobody watched the OA. i'm fine it's fine

8) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

as mentioned above, yes, compulsively... award for craziest simply has to go to It's Always Sunny In Another Dimension which is, yes, an IASIP x OA crossover. i apologize for nothing

9) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

not that i can recall, [bubbe voice] tenks gad!!!

10) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

i do i do.... when i first picked up fic writing again after college i thought smut would forever totally beyond me but after some very kind encouragement from friends i tried my hand at it & was off to the races.

i would not say i am an expert at it by any means but i have a lot of fun with it, & people seem to generally appreciate it, so i will keep going!

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

also no, phew

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes, a bunch of my gomens fics have been translated into chinese and russian, which is so so super cool!

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yuh, i had a few legendary cowrites in GO! the slow show metafic with cherry @fremulon and the shitscript crossover extravaganza with hallie @kalelraejepsen !!! both tremendously fun experiences

14) What’s your all time favorite ship?

that is a very tough one. if you go by my ao3 bookmarks it's aziraphale/crowley, which might be true still tbh... but i dunno. maybe ten/rose because that shit never leaves you.

15) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

in terms of fic i already started posting, there's my one terror WIP with amnesiac tozer that i swear i WILL finish one day... and same goes for my good omens music & lyrics AU, which i fully expect to pick back up and finish off when i inevitably return to the fandom for series 2.

as far as stuff that never made it out of drafts, i started a hodgson-centric fic a few weeks ago that i got like 4k into before realizing i need to seriously refine my approach. so hopefully after exe fest i will get around to that!

16) What are your writing strengths?

well i am funny. so i've got that going for me. other than that ummmm i don't know. i don't think of myself as a particularly good or strong writer bc i really am just here for a laff. i think i can turn a phrase well and get the most out of imagery; i'm good at coming up with compelling story concepts and weird gimmicks, i guess?

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

i fundamentally don't know or understand how People Actually Act And Feel so i have a hard time getting realistic or interesting reactions and conflicts out of characters. my plots (when my stories have them at all) are very powered by external events, i wouldn't call myself a character-driven writer by any means. for the same reasons i struggle with voice and dialogue beyond superficial signposting via vocabulary/syntax. also, sustaining a long story/finding enough Stuff To Happen to fill it up/having the patience to keep writing... is something i need to work on for sure.

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

i'm a lame american who only speaks english so honestly i don't really have thoughts!

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

i distinctly remember hand-writing in my notebook two or three pages worth of a story about what happened to the main precog in "minority report" after watching the movie when i was like seven. the first fandom i actually wrote fic for and posted it online was probably doctor who circa 2010 ish? but my warrior cats RP career predates that by a few years and i did a LOT of writing there. oh warriorsforest39 dot proboards dot com you are missed....

20) What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

SEX GHOST AU! SEX GHOST AU!

tagging folks :))) @laissezferre @titleleaf @theburialofstrawberries @girdedheraround @flanneryoconnorfanfiction @wreathedwith if u want!!

[allsassnoclass]

hi hazel I hope you're having a nice day! i was wondering if you could rec me some malum fics? length does not matter. i know I would have probably read most of them but i read most of the malum stuff before i made my ao3 so i can't even remember the ones i read and i would Love to read good ones whether i've already read them or not. i've said 'read' way too many times now avzcfhrb. in any case i would love to see what would make it on a hazel malum rec list! thank you i hope that's not annoying 🥰 -taylor<3

omg taylor did you know that you are the first person to ask me for fic recs like this. i'm very excited tbh. some of my favorite malum fics located below!

every malum rec list i make is going to start with make me a promise here tonight by @calumcest what can I say I just love this fic. so cute and very them yknow.

“Calum,” Michael says, walking into the bunk area and stopping in front of Calum’s bunk. “Cal.”

“What?” Calum asks, not looking up from his phone.

“I think we should get married.”

as for other helen fics, I also rec dancing with the demons (holy spirit, holy spirit), you're already the voice inside my head (i feel like this one might be up your alley specifically), it should be criminal that you could be mine, the first time i've seen love (and the last i'll ever need), and we know this is the way it's supposed to be

(unfortunately I haven't read these ones recently enough to know if there's alc in them or not)

another one of my absolute favorites is i got you right where i want you by @calumsclifford. very cute and sweet, although alcohol warning for the third section

“Next year. I’m going to plan you the cutest fucking anniversary you’ve ever seen in your life.” “It’s just a day,” Michael laughs. “It’s a day that means something, though. Let’s do something big, okay?"

or, 5 times Michael and Calum’s anniversary went wrong and one time it didn’t

also, and i breathe disaster, ever after (the winter soldier au) and it's no coincidence my hand fits perfectly in yours (cute 5+1 Valentine's day)

wake up with by asymmetric is one of my absolute favorites as well

Calum had been under the lights for ten minutes and he was already sweating.

(in which they film a lyric video and familiar things gain new meanings)

Yes, you make my life worthwhile by lumoon33 is nice and cute

"Hey Calum?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you love me?"

i'm loving what you got by asymmetric is also super cute

Michael accidentally (sort of) kisses Calum in Nashville and Calum realizes a few things.

Fallingforyou by ercareyes is also cute

Michael is five years old when he discovers his fascination with love.

Or alternatively:

Michael falls in love every day and falls out of love just as quickly. Calum is always there to catch him.

Love (and other acts of madmen) by TempestRising is actually one of my favorites, but the malum is very light in it due to the circumstances of the fic

...every nerve Michael has is on edge and his brain won't stop screaming Calum Calum Calum and his hands are still red, and there's still blood under his fingernails from where he cradled Calum's body before they tore them apart. "Well honey," the nurse says, "if you've got a god I'd start praying. You might be here a while."

Or: Calum gets shot at a concert.

big fan of @escapesos Peyton's work, today I'm going to shout out sure as hell the happiest i've ever been

“Why Vegas?” Calum asks.

Michael shrugs, trying to play it off but he can’t help the truth slipping out. “It seemed kind of romantic.”

“Gambling and Elvis impersonators are romantic to you?”

or

malum take a spontaneous trip to vegas. and they get married. spontaneously.

also so say that i'm a rainbow (and tell me that I'm bright)

“Of course I want to, I’d love nothing more than to share what we have with the world. But only if you want to.”

Maybe there’s something familiar in Michael’s eyes that settles Calum. It’s the way he’s looking at him, he thinks, because it’s the way he’s been looking at him since they were 15 and didn’t know what they were doing with anything. The eyes looking back at him are the same eyes he fell for all those years ago. It’s just Michael.

“I want to.”

or

mali-koa writes a pride song. michael and calum use it to come out.

from Bella @clumsyclifford we have the malum section of spidy!au, latest nostgalgia, or happily ever after

Calum’s not cute.

Well, okay, Calum is cute, but that’s not something a straight guy should be thinking about, and — Michael’s not straight, but he’s trying to keep that particular fact on the down-low, so he can’t really speak to it. Still, objectively speaking, Calum is cute, and Calum is talking, and if Michael were the type to get distracted by cute boys talking, he’d be fucked.

He blinks. Calum’s watching him.

“Sorry?” Michael echoes. “I missed that last part.”

also by Bella, a part of my heart that you'll never change

Then they release an album, and that blows up, and then Calum somehow convinces management that they should go to Brazil for the World Cup, which is weird because Michael is pretty sure they’re scheduled to play the Where We Are Tour for, like, all of the World Cup, except apparently the Switzerland show has been conveniently cancelled (not convenient for the Swiss, though, Michael guesses), and that leaves them with a comfortable three-day window.

They go to Brazil.

i know this whole damn city thinks it needs you is the amazing superhero au by @igarbagecannoteven

But when Calum had become apprentice to the city’s biggest superhero two months ago, a lot of things changed. The main one was their nights. Instead of staying up doing homework and hanging out until they both crashed into their respective beds, Calum would slip out their window to save the day and catch the bad guys, and Michael would lay awake in bed until Calum returned, paralyzed with the fear that some night Calum wouldn’t come back at all.

the creek walk small talk series by @cringeycal is awesome, i love adri's writing style

Seeing a stranger’s footprint in his spot rips apart the imaginary curtain Michael’s woven between his creek and the rest of the world. Right now, he needs that curtain fully intact and drawn tightly shut.

A splash louder than the average rush of the creek comes from off to Michael’s left, downstream. He doesn’t bother looking. He knows who it is.

“Rough day?” asks Calum, sitting cross-legged on the ground next to the log, halfway in the water.

I could sift through works by various other writers we both know to find more but these are the ones coming to mind right now!

#ask #taylor #fic rec #malum #i feel like there's less malum out in the world than there used to be #i feel like people used to write them more #it's probably less that malum isn't being written and more that other pairings have become more popular around it #so malum isn't being written less the others are just being written more #which makes me feel better about having two malum fics in the oven right now #gotta ensure that they're equally represented in current fic stats

[whatiwillsay]

off topic - let’s talk about gaylena 👀

selena gomez is one of taylor’s oldest and bestest friends and given that she is in the 22 liner notes, a huge part of taylor’s life, and maybe fruity herself it seems like possibly we don’t talk about her here at the blog enough!

i don’t want to do a timeline of selena and taylor’s friendship - you can read more about that here, but they met back in the day when they were both dating jonas brothers and to me this idea of finding a real friendship in the midst of these contrived promances is pretty adorable.

ofc most of y’all think taylor is a fruit basket but i think there’s a good chance that selena is too!  i’m not saying she is for sure but y’all know me.  i’’m here to make a compelling case that everyone and their dog is gay so let’s gooooo! 

Part I - At least one fake rs!  

Selena “dated” Taylor Lautner in 2009 and he’s definitely gay.  Of course, that doesn’t mean she is, it could just be PR, but y’all know I gotta note everything!  We stan our fruity bffs dating the same gays 😍

Part II - Selena x cara delevingne

i feel like there’s a chance they met through taylor but everyone in that squad adjacent circle knows one another.  cara dated michelle rodriguez for the first half of 2014 and then got with annie clark in March 2015 but it feels like it’s possible something has gone on between her and Selena from summer 2014 - early 2015? ...maybe something casual on and off a bit?

August 2014 - Steamy pics surface in Saint-Tropez, France

Selena and and a freshly single Cara vacation together in part to celebrate Selena’s 22nd birthday.

They party together and look cozy!

Pictures such as this surface and spark rumors around the two:

Selena apparently loves the rumors and gushes about being shipped with Cara.

Quote:

You say Selena drag queens were the true measure of success for you. But isn’t it true that you’re not truly famous until you’ve been the subject of a gay rumor? And last year, the tabloids had a field day with photos of you and Cara Delevingne. I’ve made it!

How did you react to those rumors? Honestly, I loved it. I didn’t mind it. Especially because they weren’t talking about other people in my life for once, which was wonderful. Honestly, though, she’s incredible and very open and she just makes me open. She’s so fun and she’s just extremely adventurous, and sometimes I just want that in my life, so I didn’t mind it. I loved it.

Notice she doesn’t deny them?  Now of course she could just be being cool, if she freaked out about it that might be even weirder but hey, it’s still kind of interesting.

Then she admits to questioning her sexuality???

Have you ever questioned your sexuality? Oh, I think everybody does, no matter who they are. I do, yeah, of course. Absolutely. I think it’s healthy to gain a perspective on who you are deep down, question yourself and challenge yourself; it’s important to do that.

(Selena btw, this is cool and all, but not everybody questions their sexuality, maybe you’re just gay 👀)

November 1 - LACMA Art + Film Gala 

they even left the event together 👀

and they hung out earlier that day as well:

They were seen the next day partying for Kendall Jenner’s bday singing to her:

a few weeks later Cara tweets Selena’s lyrics!

In December 2014 they are travelling together in texas:

in january 2015 they get cozy at the golden globes together!

and they leave together again:

January 19th/20th a bunch of gay nonsense happens

They post this gay shit with matching shoes and linked fingers:

then they say this to one another:

Enty says they were hooking up!

then we don’t get any more content that i can find for about six months! perhaps they had a fling from summer 2014-jan 2015 and then it ends, Cara gets with Annie in March?  Then after half a year apart Selena and Cara resume a friendly relationship?  Perhaps!  Selena is seen with Justin a bit off and on during this time but this was in their Style/Heat Death Era imo (tbh i probably shouldn’t give a hetty pairing including Justin that designation 🤢but y’all get what I’m saying - it’s fully possible Selena was hooking up with both of them!

Now I’m not super familiar with Selena’s discography so y’all lmk if I’m missing anything major - lyric wise that point to her not being straight.

Selena’s album Revival that comes out after this relationship has a few songs with some vibes, even though I get the feeling a lot of it is probably about Justin, allow me to reach.  The title track could be translated as someone coming to terms with their sexuality (among other things):

I feel like I've awakened lately The chains around me are finally breaking I've been under self-restoration I've become my own salvation Showing up, no more hiding, hiding The light inside me is bursting, shining It's my, my, my time to butterfly

Good for you, imo, is too sexy to be about a man even if it’s not super queer lyrically it’s a vibe ok?

Me & My Girls might be a bestie anthem a la 22 (oh wait, no 22 was gay too) but I mean...could be about a girl gang of lesbians too!

And if we want it, we take it If we need money, we make it Nobody knows if we fake it You like to watch while we shake it I know we're making you thirsty You want us all in the worst way But you don't understand I don't need a man 

Quinn Fabray indeed!

Nobody feels probably like a retrospective on Justin 🙄but...there is a hint of sapphic craving in there!  Saying this particular lover loves them differently than everyone is a bit 👀 plus this stanza:

No oxygen, can barely breathe My darkest sin, you've raised release And it's all because of you, all because of you And I don't know what it is, but you've pulled me in No one compares, could ever begin To love me like you do And I wouldn't want them to

Is Perfect about some bitch Justin started dating?  Probably but bear with me here this song is actually pretty fucking gay.  Gay enough that I’m gonna add it to one of my gay playlists.  Could this song actually be about Cara moving on to Annie?

Ooh, and I bet she has it all Bet she's beautiful like you, like you And I bet she's got that touch Makes you fall in love, like you, like you

I can taste her lipstick and see her laying across your chest I can feel the distance every time you remember her fingertips Maybe I should be more like her Maybe I should be more like her I can taste her lipstick, it's like I'm kissing her, too And she's perfect And she's perfect

Part III - Selena x Julia Michaels

Julia Michaels is a singer/songwriter known for her song Issues.  I don’t know her sexuality but she at the least has gay vibes!  It seems they met around this time perhaps because Julia wrote on Revival.

They have a friendly enough friendship for a few years, liking one another’s posts on IG from time to time, posing for a photo a time or two and then they seem to get swept up into this very intense friendship in 2019.  They write some music together and Julia goes whole hog in promoting the shoe brand Selena is hawking this time 😭

2019 - The Superior Sapphic Jelena Timeline:

It starts, for some reason with a lot of shoe promotion:

chill, chill

more shoes

but more gayness?

this homo shit

ok...

Then we go into the REALLY GAY NOVEMBER OF 2019:

Then they perform together:

And...actually kiss...on the mouth on stage???

Sure it’s just a peck but still...if that were a guy people would say they were dating.  

Somehow kissing on the mouth isn’t the gayest thing these girls do over this period because these fucking dykes got matching tattoos.  I’ve read enough Larry blogs to know this actually means they’re secretly married.  All jokes aside this is fruity behavior. 

From their IG stories:

Selena gets Julia a very nice christmas gift:

Covid sets in and content drops off but god damn!  It’s possible they just had an intense friendship but if a man and a woman collabed on music together, kissed in public, and got matching tattoos everyone would say they were dating!

Selena, as far as I can find, didn’t have any public boyfriends around this time so who are some of these love songs about?

Rare comes out in January 2020 and perhaps has some gayish songs?

Don’t tell me why but boyfriend lowkey, has a gay vibe.  Don’t ask me to explain it but it’s just the musicality of it.

Crowded Room could be a love song for Julia?  (or by Julia for Selena, since they’re collaborators?)

Baby, it's just me and you Baby, it's just me and you Just us two Even in a crowded room Baby, it's just me and you, yeah

These are general gay vibes, our secret moments in a crowded room tease

It started polite, out on thin ice 'Til you came over to break it I threw you a line and you were mine

It would have started out polite between them, since they worked together for years before whatever 2019 was happened.  And throwing someone a line first of all makes Selena sound like the aggressor but also “throwing someone a line” could be a reference to writing songs together.

Yeah, I was afraid, but you made it safe I guess that is our combination Said you feel lost, well, so do I So won't you call me in the morning? I think that you should call me in the morning If you feel the same, 'cause

Lots of people are afraid at the beginning of a gay rs.  Treacherous tease 👀

In summation!

Selena does gay stuff like fantasizing ab kissing other women in her music, getting very touchy with famous dykes on vacay, hangs out with Taylor Swift, has chronic mental health issues, dated a jonas brother and a twilight gay, has admitted to questioning her sexuality, and loves being shipped with women.  Is she gay?  I don’t know!   But all she’s missing from her celesbian bingo card is a suspiciously intense friendship with a Glee Cast member! What do you guys think?  Selena fruity or just weird?

Edit to add: so apparently I missed an entire ship and Selena supposedly acted really gay all the time with her backup dancer Charity Baroni.  Exposing SMG has posted a lot about all that.

Also Selena has been cast in a gay role! edit to add: @bisluthq went and found this for me - julia is indeed a fruit queen

#selena gomez #gaylena #taylena #gossip #cara delevingne #julia michaels #lesbian #sapphic #of interest #taylor's fruity friends

[innranrae]

🐚 A Birthday Amidst the Archipelago

A/N: oneshot for my fav russian boys bday, i included the golden apple archipelago bc it was the most fun event/area I've experienced in genshin so far and I'll miss it a lot but at least it's inazuma and electro aether time, anyways hope you enjoy this and if you have suggestions/tips on writing or anything please lmk! I'm new to it all and I'm trying my best ;w; my friend proofread this tho and shes big brain so id say this one is pretty swaggy

￫ pairing(s): Zhongli/Childe, Aether/Venti (kinda platonic tbh), Venti and Dvalin vibing

￫ word count: ~ 3k

￫ cw: alcohol

￫ ao3

🏖️

Zhongli sensed a large being coming from the skies of Duyun Ruins. He did not want to believe it, but his doubts were soon confirmed.

Dvalin descended from the clouds with a heavy thud, sending the living creatures around either running or flying. Mounted on the Dragon of the East were Venti and Aether; The bard wore a pair of sunglasses and a light attire that shocked Zhongli to the core, he had thought the anemo archon could not get any more ludicrous, but it appears he was mistaken.

A slight frown grew on his face watching the scene and the geo archon couldn’t help but raise his palm to his face, sighing. On the flip side, Childe was astonished; his eyes sparkled observing Dvalin, considering what the outcome would be if they were to fight.

—

2 days earlier

“Traveler,

It has been some time since we last saw each other. I do hope your ventures are going smoothly.

I am writing to you to request assistance with an event that will take place two days from now. As you may know, Childe’s birthday is on the 20th of this month and I have been finding it hard to come up with a suitable gift. I wish to surprise him but nothing that fits my criteria comes to mind, in addition to the fact I am still adjusting to mortal life and their festivals.

If you do not mind and, of course, if you are free that day, I hope you can help me with this matter.

Zhongli”

After sending his letter to Aether, Zhongli straightened his shoulders on the stool at one of Heyu Tea House’s tables, raising a cup of steaming tea to his mouth, and waited for his guest to arrive.

“Receiving an invitation from Mr. Zhongli first sure feels nice,” a voice shouted coming from the stairs.

Zhongli glanced at the harbinger who took a seat by his side, “Childe, do you have any plans for your birthday?”

Childe widened his eyes slightly, “Birthday?” He raised his hand thoughtfully to his face. “Oh, my birthday! Hm… Is Mr. Zhongli planning on giving me some type of gift?” The harbinger smiled playfully.

“Please answer my question.”

“Nope! None at all.”

In actuality, Childe should be busy taking care of the Fatui’s business around Liyue; unfortunately for his underlings, he was going to do whatever he wanted either way. Additionally, he had a feeling Mr. Zhongli’s question was not trivial, and speculated the archon probably wanted to make plans.

“I see."

Unexpectedly, instead of proceeding on that topic, Zhongli said nothing more as he took another sip of his tea.

Despite the surprising lack of further development, he forgot about it as soon as Zhongli started to talk about a Ruin Hunter he encountered the prior day in the fields.

He knew by now what topics intrigued Childe's simple warrior mind, and that alone had Childe rambling about fighting tactics and his own experiences to Zhongli, occasionally trying to convince the archon to fight him, which he politely refused.

—

Meanwhile, at the Golden Apple Archipelago...

"I could really use a hand over here, Venti!" Aether's cry for help could barely be heard over the shrieking group of hilichurls advancing one after the other.

"But I-"

After unleashing a wind vortex from his palm, Aether glared at the bard, who was leisurely plucking the strings of his lyre on top of a rock. "Playing a battle song isn't helping!" He cut Venti off, resulting in the end of Venti's untimely concert with lots of whining.

After jumping off the rock, the bard shot an arrow that sent the group of monsters flying altogether.

The pair had a short-lived moment of relief, but soon the eerie sound of a horn was heard, indicating that more enemies were on their way. Aether groaned while Venti giggled nervously, and so, they had to return to their combat stances.

Not long after engaging, the traveler heard a short sound that made him stop his blade.

“Oh, I’ve got mail,” Aether walked a few steps from the fighting, reading the message while leaving the bard to get the monsters’ attention.

Venti's eyes widened at the sudden rush of monsters coming directly at him, though luckily, he sent them flying once again.

“Woah~ Don’t do that so suddenly, traveler, so mean!”

After reading Zhongli’s message, Aether was deep in thought, looking around as if searching for something, until his eyes met the green-colored ones of the anemo archon that reciprocated the eye contact, with a touch of wonder.

Zhongli opened the new mail he received, analyzing the few words Aether had sent.

“Meet us by Duyun Ruins at 9 in the morning, bring Childe with you.”

“Meet us? If I am not mistaken, Paimon has been staying with Xiangling, and didn’t show any signs of wanting to leave any time soon. Perhaps she can easily travel back and forth,” Zhongli thought to himself.

—

Present Day, Duyun Ruins

Jumping from the dragon’s back, Venti beamed, “Morax! Long time no see~!” Arms wide open as he threw himself towards his old friend. But before he got too close, Zhongli shielded himself, and instead of a hug, Venti’s face was compressed against the solid surface of the geo shield.

Venti staggered a step back from the impact, raising his hand to his cheek, now starting to swell, “Ow!” He pouted.

Zhongli tried to keep his cool, throwing a look at the two boys who recently arrived,waiting for an explanation.

Aether catches on the meaningful gaze and reassures, “Don’t worry, I think we avoided being noticed by anyone.”

“Yeah, Dvalin here is… Well, he tries to be discreet when flying around. After all, I was the one who taught him that~" Venti put a hand on the dragon's body while the other gave Zhongli a thumbs up.

"Saying you were the one who taught him does not reassure me one bit…" Zhongli’s veins were protruding from distress by now. "Aside from that, aren't you supposed to be more careful not to expose your identity in front of the common folk?"

The three other men stared at Zhongli in confusion, exchanging looks between themselves, "Common folk?" Venti asked. Childe was the first to realize he was probably talking about him and began laughing at the Zhongli's seemingly forgetfulness.

"Morax, you sure only remember what you want, huh. Even I know from the traveler's stories that this boy here is the eleventh harbinger of the Fatui. If that harbinger lady took my gnosis, I'm sure this kid knows my identity by now," Venti reassured while Aether slowly nodded, feeling second-hand embarrassment.

Zhongli was at a loss for words, raising his fist to his mouth, awkwardly coughing. On the other hand, the harbinger found the situation quite funny and patted Morax's back a few times while giggling.

Zhongli met Aether's eyes, "Nevertheless, what I desire to know is why that bard and his dragon are here?"

"Well, you’ll see when we get there," Aether reassured, getting back on the dragon's back along with Venti.

Childe cheerfully jumped on, extending his hand down to the geo archon who bashfully accepted, pointedly ignoring the meaningful grins the two other boys directed at him. And with little effort, Dvalin took off to the Golden Apple Archipelago.

The Snezhnayan boy's eyes gleamed with excitement from his first-ever experience that high up, sitting between behind Aether and in front of Zhongli.

Though, his laxity almost made the reddish mask on his hair fly away, luckily being rescued by the man behind him.

"Thank you!" The powerful gushes of wind made his words difficult to understand, yet enough for Zhongli to understand them.

If any normal person would travel through the clouds in the back of a dragon for the first time in their life, surely they would practice caution or be a little wary of their surroundings.

However, because Childe was Childe, an expert in adapting fast to just about anything, the journey on the skies was far from frightening.

A few minutes had passed and the boys were already close to their destination, and with his usual carefree expression, Venti looked back at the men behind him, yelling as Dvalin descended, "Hold on tight!"

With another loud thud, Dvalin settled at the northwestern part of Twinning Isle. Aether grew anxious in anticipation, waiting for Childe to see the preparations that he and Venti had come up with in such a short timeframe.

They had the inspiration from Alice's surprise for Klee, though not as crafty as she was. With the help of Tubby back in the Serenitea Pot, he managed to decorate the place nicely with newly crafted objects.

Umbrellas and chairs painted a light shade of sky blue sat next to fishing rods, Sea Ganodermas and conches decorated the sand in a path leading to a gazebo, which had seashells and starfishes hang from the wooden ceiling, surrounded by curtains.

And inside of it, one chest stored miscellaneous things, while the one next to it contained something that Venti declared extremely necessary: summer clothing he managed to acquire. In addition to the clothes he prepared, the anemo archon was also tasked with providing the food and drinks.

Visibly so as there were at least three bottles of either dandelion or osmanthus wine for every single dish on the table. Which, of course, was all paid for with the traveler's Mora.

All in all, the table was charmingly organized. A cake with a whale drawn on top of it sat in the middle of it all, while balloons were tied to the wooden table.

Upon reaching the sand, Childe was fascinated. The ocean breeze brushing against his face, the warm sunlight of the Archipelago and the salty waves gently crashing onto the tide united all the scenery together.

He’d never seen such a tropical place in his life, so unfamiliar in comparison to his frozen homeland's weather and features.

Lost in admiration for the scenery, he had already forgotten that it was his birthday, only remembering when Zhongli called out his name, directing him to look ahead where the decorated area was put, in preparation for the celebration to commence.

Venti leaned back against Dvalin's tail, already playing a melody, as the other three walked along the decorated path.

Aether fastened his steps, going ahead and getting a small box. Then, turning back to the birthday boy, he extended the gift.

"Happy birthday, Childe."

The harbinger let out a small "thank you" before opening it.

His blue eyes twinkled as he grabbed the content inside the box for closer examination. It was a bright piece of wood with a smaller version of him, Teucer and Aether drawn on it, as well as a ruin guard, or “Mr. Cyclops” as his little brother would say, stood behind them.

Without thinking, Childe embraced Aether tightly with a wide smile across his face, and at the display of the ginger’s excitement, the traveler couldn't help but feel accomplished.

After the gift was exchanged, Venti pointed out the clothes he had prepared, which made Zhongli flinch at the thought of wearing sunglasses as eccentric as his. Luckily, they were just lighter clothes, not accessories.

Childe, already excited from the exotic scenery, went on ahead to change his clothes behind a tall rock.

Zhongli and Aether walked towards the same location, at a much slower pace than the Snezhnayan boy, who was already out of sight.

“Thank you for your efforts, traveler. You managed to surprise me as well,” Zhongli finally got the chance to say.

“It was no problem at all. I’m having fun and the ‘tone-deaf bard’ was a great help, too.”

Childe emerged from behind the rock suddenly, wearing shorts and a shirt that was presumably supposed to be buttoned up. As a matter of fact, all the attires were of a similar design, the few differences being their color schemes, a few patterns, and the boy’s usual accessories.

Before any reaction, they heard monstrous noises getting closer to the shelter. A group of hilichurls nearby seemed to have been alarmed by the dragon’s arrival.

Something inside Childe’s mind clicked and he immediately turned the way of the shrieks, getting ready to fight, “Leave them to me!”

“Oh I was counting on that,” Aether affirmed as Venti nodded. Knowing very well of the harbinger’s passion for fighting, they speculated about the attack and gladly attached it to the list of events for that day.

Aether’s words were thrown at no one though, since Childe had left as soon as those four words left his lips earlier, leaving no time to receive any reaction from the others.

Bad luck for those poor hilichurls, honestly.

Childe's hydro blades moved swiftly, leaving droplets in the sand as they slashed one after the other, ending each almost instantly, leaving little space for a counterattack. He only stopped moving when there were no more of the monsters around, either because they were actually all dead or ran away from fear.

Coming back to the shelter’s path, Childe saw that they were now fishing, which made him joyfully run to join them, and noticing that he was back, Zhongli offered Childe a fishing rod and a seat next to himself.

“Oh man, this takes me back to the old days with my dad,” The ginger said while settling down on the beach chair, “Though the temperatures are the complete opposite, haha. I wonder if my family would survive the extreme change in the weather, though.”

Zhongli and Aether listened attentively while holding their rods, all the while, the anemo archon, visibly tipsy, communicated with Dvalin nearby.

“How come you managed to adapt this easily to the sudden climate change, Childe?” Zhongli asked.

“A warrior must always adapt to any situation. If I let the heat get the best of me, I'm weakened, consequently leaving myself open to enemy attacks."

"Damn, he never changes. If it isn't about his family, the answer is always related to being a fighter… Well, it is almost comforting in a way." Aether thought, mentallyrolling his eyes while taking a sip of the drink Venti had given him.

"I see," Zhongli seriously responded, "It is indeed true. Keeping one's body and mind stable is a must when facing laborious challenges."

Childe was filled with joy upon hearing the acknowledgement. It was always pleasant to hear someone who understood his point of view.

The traveler shifted his attention upon feeling a small force pulling down the

rod.

A fish had finally taken the bait, and the eyes of the two men also moved towards him when they heard the small "oh" Aether let out.

They all rejoiced at the successful catch and its size, and the traveler went straight ahead to prepare a meal for them.

—

As the day went by, they had almost checked everything on the task list; They fished for a while, Aether showed the mechanisms and puzzles that Klee's mom prepared, even landing his Harpastum so Childe could try them, he also taught them how to ride and summon the Waverider, they exchanged various anecdotes, as well as how the traveler came across the Archipelago in the first place, describing the whole Dodo King saga, and finally, filled themselves with food and drinks.

The sun rapidly fell under the horizon, merging the last colored rays of marigold into the indigo night sky. Venti had managed to convince the traveler to drink with him throughout the day and, needless to say, they were quite drunk by now, though both of them had a high tolerance and were somehow still acting civilized.

While Dvalin slept, the four men sat on the sand, listening to Venti sing around the crackling campfire.

When the bard began to sing a piece about Snezhnaya, Childe seemed to have recalled something.

He shuffled through his belongings, grabbing a bottle with a clear liquid, “This was a gift I received earlier, it’s a Snezhnayan specialty alcohol, Fire-Water!”

Aether gulped nervously at the familiar name. He had heard the stories around Mondstadt, how Master Diluc spent three days in bed after drinking a single glass of it, leading to the unsuccessful partnership with the Snezhnayan merchants.

Childe poured the liquid into separate cups and went around distributing them to the boys. Sitting back in his original spot, he continued, “As per tradition, we have to down the cup in one go!”

Venti was all in for the proposal, and despite their concern at first, Zhongli and Aether respected the birthday boy’s wish.

After raising their cups in a toast, they all drank the beverage at once.

Childe cheered, rambling about how he missed the taste of the drink. Zhongli seemed to be unaffected, calm as always, smiling and listening to the Snezhnayan boy.

However, Aether didn’t seem so well, he had expected the feeling, but because of the previous drinks he shared with the bard, it seemed to have had a stronger effect on him.

Aether wasn't the most affected by the drink, though.

That one shot was the ultimatum for Venti. His vision was blurry and he couldn’t stop laughing, which alarmed the others, but before they could take action and ask what was wrong, the archon fell into the sand, a grin on his face as he passed out.

After the realization of what just happened, Aether was the first to talk, “Um, I’ll take him to the shelter. I’m feeling a bit… dizzy too. I’ll get some sleep, haha,” He was making a great effort to sound coherent.

“Hope you enjoyed your day, Childe.”

A sincere smile was directed towards the boy sitting next to Zhongli. That expression warmed Childe’s heart. Aether had put great effort into this whole day and he could tell.

Childe was about to open his mouth to say something after the traveler turned his back to them while carrying Venti, but was stopped by the blonde, “Oh, there’s something I forgot to say. If you go west from here you will find another island with a shipwreck on top of the, um… Rock structure thing. It’s a good place to watch the stars. Anyways, hehe, good night.”

That piqued the two tall men’s interest, and after watching Aether and Venti enter the shelter, Childe looked at Zhongli, who was already standing up, as if he shared the same idea as the other.

A short cruise to the Nameless Isle later, Zhongli and Childe were already walking side by side through the tide, leaving steady footprints on the sand’s surface.

When the two stopped to both admire the place and look for a way to get to the top of the rocky mountain, Zhongli noticed a mural on the rock, which showed a shipwreck and what seemed to be a few people trying to save each other.

The archon was pondering about the meaning of it when he heard Childe’s voice from behind him.

“Mr. Zhongli, there’s a wind current over here!”

Zhongli went to the other’s location, noticing the current that led to the top of the mountain.

Without much effort, both of them got to the original destination: The shipwreck Aether mentioned.

It was indeed a tragic but beautiful place; a place where one could watch the azure starry sky, pale moon glowing brightly.

The two found a spot to sit near the ship that once sailed the seas, and watched the galaxies above them.

Childe offered another shot of the Fire-Water, which the both of them shared. Zhongli closed his eyes, deep in thought.

He had been trying to find the chance to give Childe his birthday gift, but he couldn’t find the opportunity to do so. Finally, now seemed like the perfect time.

He reopened his eyes and stared at Childe, who was watching the sky attentively, blue eyes shining unitedly with the stars.

“Childe.”

Upon hearing his name, he turned to look at the archon.

“Give me your hand,” Zhongli said, reaching his own towards the harbinger.

Childe automatically did so, and after searching for an object on the pocket of his shorts, Zhongli put the present on the other’s palm.

It was a single earring made of Noctilucous Jade and Cor Lapis, in a similar fashion as the one earring Childe normally wore.

“This reminded me of you when I saw it. If you do not wish to wear it, I understand, but I do hope you could keep it with you.”

Zhongli said that but the harbinger was already taking off his original earring, making the archon a bit embarrassed at the impulsiveness of the boy, yet very pleased.

Childe had been rambling about the, now, old earring and how he had gotten it in the first place, but after a while of no response from Zhongli, he gazed at him, being met by the image of the geo archon fast asleep.

Zhongli had a high alcohol tolerance, but with the nightfall, his drowsiness had grown to an almost unbearable level, and now, he was finally subdued by it.

Ajax couldn’t help but feel a warmth in his chest, his expression softened and he decided it was time for him to rest too.

He had never had a better birthday in his life.

#genshin impact #genshin #venti #aether #genshin oneshot #genshin chili #childe x zhongli #zhongli x childe #zhongli #venti x aether #genshin impact aether #genshin fanfic #dvalin #genshin impact traveler #genshin zhongli #genshin impact fic #gi #genshin impact fanfic #tartagalicious #tartaglia #tartaglia genshin #genshin ajax #genshin impact morax #morax #childes birthday #childe birthday

[highly-flammable]

Reacting to Legacies 3x03 (SPOILERS):

1. So ARE we FINALLY getting to some proper firstborn Mikaelson witch breakdowns?

2. Oh well, apparently no. They'll just try to wave it off as some one time thing probably.

3. So Hope and Landon are on a break. Okay. TBH watching them sass each other is interesting.

4. The guidance counselor is pretty much a compulsion monster, is that it? Well, I do like his wardrobe.

5. Alyssa's concern for MG is so fake I can't.

6. Nobody other than Jed read for Stefan? THE DISRESPECT.

7. Lizzie playing Caroline makes total sense but them asking Josie to play the lead without even an audition looks a bit bad TBH. Like, give the other interested people a chance, at least.

8. I find it a bit repetitive how there are mind-controlling monsters popping out again and again.

9. So MG is basically going through a phase similar to what Cami was going through when Klaus used to compel her at the beginning of TO. Considering Quincy's fondness for Cami, he must have liked playing that.

10. I understand that Landon is supposed to be a capable songwriter in-universe but it takes more than that to write and direct a musical and it's very weird that they didn't even find a guest star to pose as a Drama or English teacher who is guiding him or something. WHERE ARE ALL THE TEACHERS?

11. I kinda feel like some of the lead characters in this show are colour-coded. I see Hope and Landon in red and blue a lot (the two gowns we have seen Hope wearing also fall into this pattern) and Josie wears yellow in like, every other episode. If I recall correctly, Lizzie wears a lot of white, too. I wonder what the reasoning behind these choices are.

12. Well, I liked Hope and Landon's relationship in S1, I have no idea what was going on with it in S2, and I still don't know what to think about it.

13. Lizzie casts herself in Caroline's role and then chokes at rehearsal. Not totally unrealistic but still feels a bit forced to me. Would have been better if Landon cast her because she's Caroline's daughter and Lizzie was a bit apprehensive in the first place because she didn't want to mess up the role.

14. I appreciate the show taking a moment to talk about Lizzie's bipolar disorder though. It's been a while.

15. "Bonnie just disappears for long periods of time"? Dude, she's still super important and you're putting her in the play. Right? RIGHT?!

16. Landon, THANK YOU for pointing out how weird Caroline and Alaric's relationship was. The guy deadass got engaged to her and had a pissing contest over her with Stefan, that will never not gross me out.

17. So the monster is mind controlling Landon to put Klaus into the play. Saw this coming IG.

18. Hope is painting again, like her dad used to do when he felt things were going out of control. I've been rewatching TO and this is making me so emotional. I MISS KLAUS AND HIS SHENANIGANS. And not a single character on Legacies comes close to Klaus, Elijah and Hayley for me. (Sorry if this hurts anyone's feelings but Legacies really is a downgrade from TVD and TO)

19. Ugh, why would he use the contents of the letter as lyrics? Dude, is it because you're mind-controlled? No, I don't like this. Klaus loved Hope to the ends of the earth and wanted everyone to know but Hope wants to keep things private, and her wishes should have been respected.

20. So apparently Landon tries not to put Klaus' villainous antics into the show. Well, okay, it's definitely a copout but since he is Hope's boyfriend, makes sense. But I don't understand why the musical HAS TO BE about the Salvatore school. The accreditation excuse is lazy, writers! Also, Landon, my dude, Klaus was a major donor of the school. Put that in instead of the other things, stop pissing off your girlfriend FFS. Even if you're mind-controlled 🤦🏻‍♀️

21. I do find it funny how Landon is all gaga over Klaus' use of language though. The guy really did have the best lines, didn't he? (Tied with Elijah, I suppose, for me)

22. The other singers of the first song are really good so Kaylee sounds a bit rusty in comparison. Also, she reminds me too much of Dark!Josie with the hair and makeup. From a distance, she can be mistaken for Nina though.

23. I love that the backstage activities are being shown.

24. I'm digging Jed as Stefan and I really like his singing voice. And the Hero Hair wig cracked me up. Kaleb is obviously good at singing at it's nice to hear more from him. I also like how Chris Lee didn't try to exactly emulate Ian and played Damon how someone who has only heard about him might play him.

25. Is Hope painting herself before the pit or something? Or is this supposed to symbolize her despair at her parents' loss? ALSO, I WANT SOMEONE TO MENTION HAYLEY :( Why is Hayley so ignored?!

26. The same person probably wrote MG's notes and Caroline's letter IRL and therefore, in-universe, MG has Caroline's handwriting and it's funny to me.

27. Jenny sings well, I like it. I don't understand the song though, was Caroline actually ever feeling this insecure? I feel like the song became a lot more about Lizzie than her mother. (It's been forever since I watched TVD, if anyone has yet to guess, I prefer watching TO)

28. The doppelganger thing cracked me up.

29. Wait why did the monster attack Josie?! Ohhhh he's forcing Landon to improvise and put Klaus' song at the end. Well, I guess it makes it seem a bit less like Landon's fault. But would Hope know that?

30. It's hilarious how they lowkey make a call back to Nina leaving TVD and them having to put Elena in a sleep spell though.

31. Landon having a hissy fit is funny to me. Aria needs more comedic scenes.

32. Wait, where did Jade come from? Has she been in the school all these weeks?

33. While the scene seems a bit shabby to me, Klaus talking to Hope reminds me of their scene from TO 4X03. I needed more of Summer Fontana and Joseph Morgan together. Also, the donation did get mentioned, YASSSS. Man did some horrific things but he did fund the school so maybe a little less badmouthing in the presence of his daughter now that you know the story, eh, students?

34. The fact that the guidance counselor actually wore a leather jacket and a henley is cracking me up. It's really bizarre.

35. "Terrible painter" XD Klaus would have eaten you for saying that if he were alive.

36. Um, Hope, wouldn't you ask your family if you are doing enough to make your father proud, instead of this random bloke who supposedly met him once?! Maybe call Freya or Rebekah.

37. Why is this monster being nice to Hope? Doesn't it try to break people up or something? You'd think he'd try to piss her off even more and ruin her relationship with Landon.

38. Stefan was trying to be more like Damon by sacrificing himself? Um, what?

39. Well, this musical at least gave Stefan and Caroline a goodbye scene. I wonder how much the twins remember Stefan, must have been a bit emotional for Lizzie to play that. Jenny's singing was gooood, really liked it.

40. JED WAS GONNA KISS LIZZIE AND I WANTED IT TO HAPPEN. But a forehead kiss does work.

41. Hope's playing Elena now? What?

42. Ngl I want Hope and Jed to be friends. She needs more of a connection to her wolf side. Both of her parents wanted her to be surrounded by wolves and she's barely interacting with the wolves in this show, which always makes me sad.

43. So this monster can also do little spells and move physical objects eh? Whatever, this is random.

44. And this monster brings people back together? Why?

45. So when Hope is singing, is she doing it as Elena or Hope? She came on stage as Elena, but I thought the song is about Hope. So WHAT IS IT?

46. Oh Damon's on stage, so Hope is singing as Elena and it's a call back to the graveyard scene from the TVD finale.

47. Danielle sings pretty well. It's good she decided to perform this time.

48. Okay, that lifting up scene was adorable. I feel like Hope and Landon are at their cutest when they're a bit spontaneous. But she's Elena on stage and it lowkey looks like Landon crashed her romantic scene with Damon to kiss her so I'm cackling.

49. How much older is Jade supposed to be than Josie?

50. So is Josie going to leave the school for a while and that's why Ethan will be back in the picture?

51. Jade used to babysit Josie? Okay, it is hella awkward.

52. Josie why, don't do this, yikes. Kissing her once doesn't make it non-creepy.

53. The Sheriff feels kinda shoehorned to me. Also, I don't care for Matt Davis or his character.

54. So Candice did the voiceover for Caroline's letter. That's nice for the show. I still don't understand why the letter showed up in Hope's fireplace though LOL.

55. This episode should have spent more time exploring the aftermath of the loss of Rafael. The abrupt shift from the last episode wasn't nice.

56. Yeah, kids, talk out your problems, thanks.

57. I feel like Klaus is too much of a controversial figure that Hope's conflict about her father's reputation would be resolved in one day. This is feeling undercooked. Speaking of, when is one of Klaus' or Hayley's enemies coming after Hope, because she did inherit all of them. Would make for better storytelling than this monster of the week nonsense. And yeah, still no mention of Hayley, I hate this.

58. The monster's characterization was really odd to me and I am so tired of this format SMH.

59. So they toyed with MG for weeks to get a vampire for the spell? That sounds like too much effort. There are tons of vampires from Klaus and Rebekah's bloodline, they couldn't find another? Also, I wonder who is the wolf that they will use.

Well, I felt like this episode was mostly okay, but not that well-cooked or epic or whatever. What is horrific is that they didn't show Bonnie, though. They could have at least gotten a female black guest character who is one of the witch students or something. This is very offensive.

Also, I don't think it makes sense for the show to do any more musicals in the future. This ain't Riverdale.

#legacies #legacies cw #hope mikaelson #landon kirby #lizzie saltzman #josie saltzman #kaleb #jed #milton greasley #alyssa chang #jade #klaus mikaelson #hayley marshall #elena gilbert #damon salvatore #stefan salvatore #bonnie bennett #caroline forbes #cami o'connell

[chitsangenthusiast]

fic writer review

tagged by @bisexuallsokka thank you 🧡 🧡 putting my tagging here so @maderilien @dickpuncher420 @marriedzukka @zukoscalzones @babydotcom if any of you are interested!!

1. how many works do you have on ao3? 27! only eight of those were written within the past two years tho lol

2. what's your total ao3 word count? 163,360.....which felt fake bc of the long break between writing so i counted only the recent fics and that's. still 91,749 holy shit lmao

3. how many fandoms have you written for and what are they? if i'm remembering correctly, then six! (atla, harry potter, that singular fruits basket fic when i was 14, kpop (shh), marvel, mdzs, and atla again lol)

4. what are your top 5 fics by kudos? useless facts (clintbucky - and tbh only bc it's a 5yo fic lol)

hold me like you do, cover me in blue (zukka)

hands, knees, please, tangerine (zukka)

get a glimpse of this candy paint (clintbucky - also a 5yo fic lol)

don't go wasting your emotion (sangcheng)

5. do you respond to comments, why or why not? i actually didn't use to, but i do now. i feel like the 'leave a comment' game has changed significantly on ao3 and i like showing my appreciation back now! (oh man i have so many comments i still need to respond to omg)

6. what's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending? lmfao none. i'm not a huge fan of writing angst-based stories or endings, BUT i guess technically it's the mallrat in me can be considered for this one since chpt 4 did end with some angst (for now!)

7. do you write crossovers? if so, what's the craziest one you've written? i don't write fandom crossovers but i do like writing ridiculous au's, and i would say that the funniest jobs i've given any character was the clintbucky exterminator/locksmith story that never got finished lol (rip)

8. have you ever received hate on a fic? holy shit poor little 13yo kath used to get OBLITERATED for my characterizations lmfaoooo please know that my attempts at writing good characterizations now come from blood, sweat, and (literal) tears

(still salty i never received hate from the sangcheng troll last year tho. they loved to attack me on twitter but NOT my fics??? i feel slighted smh)

(more below! felt it got long!!)

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind? l m f a o

anyway keep me humming, keep me going is now the second fic that has a title from beyonce's song 'blow' bc those lyrics have a chokehold on me when i write nsfw!

10. have you ever had a fic stolen? no but i've had specific passages from some really old stuff that was stolen and very obviously rewritten/paraphrased, which is. harder to prove lol

11. have you ever had a fic translated? nothing recent but a few of my old hp fics on ff.net were translated!

but omg the best time it ever happened was a year ago when i found out that not only had a 15yo fic of mine been translated (and credited!), it had also been converted into a beautiful pdf!!! complete with cover art and border art!!!! wasn't even aware it was done bc whoever did it had only done it within the last few years i think, but it was such a wild experience to find it i have the pdf saved on my laptop lol

12. have you ever co-written a fic before? i have not! i don't think i've ever had a dedicated beta either, which probably explains a lot lol

13. what's your all-time fave ship? ALTAIR/MALIK they're not even my first otp (which draco/ron and zukka still go strong, followed by clintbucky) but THEY are the ones that seize my heart like no other ship has done 🧡🧡

14. what's a fic you want to finish but don't think you ever will? the zukka ba sing se/blue spirit poetry fic 😔 which is unfortunate bc i'm still so excited to write it/there's a lot written of it, but chaptered fics are nerve-wracking lol

15. what are your writing strengths? idk if ppl necessarily like it, but i really like my writing style! sure it's obvious i write for fanfic vs anything publishable, but i enjoy that lol

also ppl tell me i'm really good at banter, characterizations, and immersing them in the story, which is wonderful bc i do work really hard on that!

16. what are your writing weaknesses? finding the right words. in general, it's so extremely hard for me in that i don't have much of a mental dictionary/thesaurus i guess. it can be upsetting at times, especially when i know there's a better word or way to phrase the line but just have to let it go. i am simply not one of those people who can come up with big words (or words that are like. normal ones to use when describing smth lol)

17. what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages on a fic? it can be a good touch to the fic! i don't have very strong feelings on it, i suppose

18. what was the first fandom you ever wrote for? atla, tho harry potter is the one that actually survived the period of fic deletion i once went through on ff.net lol

19. what is your favorite fic ever written? everyone is going to know the answer to this one, but hmlyd hands down my actual baby <333 after a 4yr long break from writing, i knocked out 3 fics but it was hmlyd that really got me excited! writing it was a BLAST, my entire heart went into it, and it's one of my fics that i actually do genuinely go back and read frequently bc it makes me so happy lmao

tbh if i hadn't written hmlyd, i probably would've stopped writing for the fandom after hands, knees, please, tangerine and gone back to lurking lmao

(keep me humming, keep me going is a good contender tho. which goes to show that the fastest way to my heart is just inundating myself with tender competitive lovers lmao)

#i liked these questions!! #i'm also still in shock by that word count wtf lol #kath tagged

[spongebob-connoisseur]

Spongebob's overhated, not talking about the show, I'm talking about the character. idk man, whenever someone talking about him, they first thing that people comes to mind is in modern one, (the flanderized one), but bro, he's more than just that and relatable as Squidward is, and I kinda blame the mordern season for it

Sorry about the late reply!!

Tbh I never seen much hate for Spongebob as a character. I mean when people talk of spongebob now, they'd usually regard Squidward and Sandy more as their favorites since ya kno, they're really likable, who wouldn't adore them? But spongebob is still well liked.

Unless this is specific to those who don't like the modern seasons. Idk much about that since I don't keep up with that stuff. But I do agree that Spongebob is relatable! Very much so. He has a hard time preforming on his drivers test because of all the pressure on him. He has a hard time saying no to people and sometimes others take advantage of that. He still remains positive through it but there are times when enough is enough, even for him.

He's really likable and remains my favorite even despite the nonsense and trouble he puts others *cough*squidward*cough* through. He's endearing and silly and just wants to have a good time and make everyone smile. The world definitely makes you feel miserable at times but I really enjoy watching him just enjoy little things and make the most of his circumstances. Actually now when I think about it, that song Living in the Sunlight that played in the very first episode suits his personality too well. Pretty much sums up what to expect from this show and what it's all about. It still leaves a positive and warm impression everytime you hear it or rewatch the pilot.

Now as for the modern spongebob. I don't think he's bad either. I still really like him. Though I consider him as his own thing. Each era feels like his personality change and I've grown to accept it. He's just a different genre of spongebob if that makes sense. Anyways usually when people talk about modern spongebob, they usually mean seasons 4-8 because when this discussion about flanderized spongebob and modern spongebob all started with people talking about that era specifically and I used to watch people's videos talking about that a lot and ehh I don't really agree with much of it anymore.

That middle era spongebob did cause a few problems and really degraded his character over time. That's generally what comes to people's minds when they talk about modern spongebob bad and generally unlikable version of sponge. Him stalking people and doing weird shit wasn't funny at all. Squidward was more humanized and seen as some dude who wanted some peace and quiet. The star of the show is constantly making him miserable and ruining his life. It's hard to enjoy. Its not like the current modern era isn't like that too.

The middle seasons annoy me a bit more but even when this happens in the modern seasons, they are really what I hate the most. It's biggest flaw of the modern seasons for me.

I feel like they're fixing it now but gosh idk who thought that was funny. The appeal of spongebob is that you saw it from a child's point of view often. You saw spongebob as just a sweet kid who wanted to play and Squidward as the grouchy adult/older sibling who doesn't notice you or pay attention but you still really want to spend time with them because you think they're a good person deep down. And you know squidward cares back too. There might be times where spongebob messes up but there are still consequences for him and generally there's a balance. You never feel like he's ever being malicious to squidward and nothing super bad happens where it feels like the universe is punishing squidward for being alive.

This was mostly season 1 and 2. Season 3 had a push for Spongebob being more of an adult. He behaved more adultish and the scenarios they were in are a little more mature. Hence why season 3 is often the most remembered season for its adult humor. But the scenarios are simplified enough for a kid to understand the general plot and adults can understand all the true implications and circumstances. There was a balance. Same as having a more adultish spongebob, his relationship with squidward balanced out too. They were closer to equals at this point and Squidward was more annoyed with him being an optimist in their bleak working environment. They were a ying and yang and you could identify with both. They both complimented each other and clashed. It worked.

Past that. They've never found such a good dynamic like that again in post movie episodes. Its been a bit wobbly. Squidward is the most easy character to identify with. While they made him more relatable. Tired, stuffy adult who just wants peace and is wasting his life working at a minimum wage job. They also wanted to keep elements of the classic era without understanding why they were funny and worked so well. Such as squidward's karma. He gets punished for just existing. Its not funny. Squidward often did get the short end of the stick bur usually you'd understand why. He became more of a depressed individual getting punished for being alive. It's not funny.

At the same time spongebob's personality regressed into being too naive to function at times and too babyish than childish. Often times I don't feel like the writers know what to do with him besides bugging squidward. But there used to be a reason why he bugged Squidward. He genuinely liked him. He looked up to him. He really believed deep down there's a part of squidward that cares and just needs a little push. It's stated in the art book. And a lot of things and rules from the art book feel so lost in the show over the years.

You can tell the writers thought of him as how adults think of small children. Loud and noisy, and only want to bug you. They sympathized with squid more but had to keep with the general formula of the show. But forget what made this show so fun was how spongebob was written from a child's point of view. Often times as a kid, you would feel ignored and over looked. Adults talk down to you. You have no free will. Spongebob essentially was a kid but without the restraints and rules a child had to live by. It was freeing and it was nice seeing someone who thinks and feels like you is on screen.

It really feels like they missed the mark with how they interpret spongebob when writing him. They degraded him into a stalker who's obsessed with squidward and torments him. He's often too naive and dumb to function or even interact with other characters. The interesting relationships he used to have feel wiped away. It's hard to enjoy it.

I mean a good example is the reason why he failed his drivings test (though this flanderization already started in the classics era anyways) he fails because he gets nervous and often needs some kind of distraction while driving to keep him calm. He does well on the exams but when it comes to demonstrating what he knows is where he messes up. Its become at this point that he's just an insane person behind the wheel and just magically screws up for no reason. His insanity causes harm to the people around him and we get some of the worst episodes Demolition Doofus. We can't even argue that Mrs. Puff is wrong for the anger she feels since she's endlessly harmed by sponge to the point of basically becoming disabled. Its not funny. It just sours what was supposed to be the golden boy of the show.

Spongebob will never be how he used to be but I appreciate how as of recent there had been some repair to his character. He's really wildly different from the classics era but I appreciate every so often when they remember an aspect of his personality that's been long gone. Even in the middle seasons. There's better episodes that remember why Spongebob fails his driving test and episodes that remember that remember squidward isn't just a tormented sufferer and spongebob is a deranged stalker.

He's kind of his own thing now but I find the modern seasons one cute and more amusing. He's still very flawed but I can at least enjoy him ya kno? I'd like to hear your thoughts on him too!

#Cessmaga #Ask #spongebob #spongebob squarepants #sb #spongebon squarepants #the spongebob connoisseur #spongebob meme

[angelsfalling16]

okay okay i can’t think of anything specific but like hurt comfort for deniall? i can never get enough of that ship and i really like the idea of that trope for them!! like something where devs upset about all the attention baz has ever gotten and how he feels like such a background character in life and nialls like ohhoho how would you feel if i told you i’ve been in l or with you since we were like 10. idk just spit balling anything you want to do tbh i love all ur work so!!!

a/n: As soon as I saw this ask, the ideas started turning in my mind, and I really liked the idea that you had, so I ran with it. I love writing deniall fics because it allows me to write different types of stories, which is really interesting. Thanks so much for Sending me this prompt, Nonnie!! I hope you like it! :) The title is from the song Story of Us by Taylor Swift

Read it on ao3

***

Niall

Dev is having a meltdown. Like a full on lying on the floor with moody music blasting through the speakers meltdown. This isn’t the first time he’s acted like this, and the fact that he didn’t come find me to tell me what’s wrong means it can’t be too bad, so I decide to ignore him for the moment until he’s ready to talk.

He reminds me so much of Baz in the way of his dramatics at this moment, but if this were Baz, I would be backing way off for fear of being burnt to a crisp for the sole reason of being in the same room as him. Dev on the other hand is all bark and no bite. It's kind of adorable.

I move around the room, pulling books from my school bag and tidying the room a bit, pretending not to notice the boy lying in the middle of the floor or the fact that I think my ears might be bleeding from the volume of this music.

I’m walking over to pick up a stray shirt on the floor when Dev grabs my ankle, nearly causing me to fall flat on my face.

I sigh. "Alright. What gives, Dev?"

"Did you know that Baz is older than me?" He mumbles into the carpet, and I briefly wonder when the last time was that we thought to vacuum in here.

"What?" I ask, wondering what this has to do with him lying on the floor.

"Yeah. By three months. For three months, I was the only grandchild, the only nephew. I was beloved by everyone. Then Baz came into the world and all of that went away."

"Uhh..." I say, still not seeing the point. "There's no way you even remember those three months."

"No but it’s still true."

"Okay?" I say slowly. Where the hell is he going with this?

He rolls over on his back but dramatically throws an arm over his face so that I can’t really make out his expression. I’m not sure whether he’s being serious or just really melodramatic, but realizing we're going to be here a while, I plop down on the floor next to him, using my magic to turn the music off, sending us into a silence that sounds almost as deafening as the music was.

"Do you ever feel like you're a background character in someone else's story?” Dev asks finally. “Like nothing you ever do will be important enough to be the main character?”

I think about it for a moment. "Not really. Why?"

"It's like my whole life I've been living in the shadows, a few steps behind Baz. No matter what I did or how deeply I was hurting, it could never compare to whatever was going on with Baz. It began to feel like a competition, one that I never had a chance of winning."

"Life isn't supposed to be a competition. The way you feel or hurt is valid even if someone else has it worse. It’s your life and your experiences and that is what's important."

"I know but it’s still hard not to feel like a background character."

He really sounds distraught over this, and I wonder how long he’s been holding all of this in. I want to reach out and take his hand in mine but decide that that would be stupid and keep my hands to myself.

"You know what I think?” I say. “I think everyone is the writer of their own story. They get to make their own choices and decide how much they allow themselves to be affected by others. They can’t change other people's stories, but they can be a part of them. So yeah, it’s possible you're a background character in Baz's story, but what about in your story?"

He slides his arm down to rest on his chest so that he can stare at me. "When did you get to be so wise, Niall?"

I shrug self-consciously, hoping he doesn’t notice the blush creeping up onto my face. He looks away to stare up at the ceiling, like all of the answers will be up there.

"Okay. So say that that’s true and you can write your own story, what could I do to make it my own?"

I hum noncommittally, thinking about it. I know what I would do if it were me. I would tell my best friend I'm in love with him and have been since we were like 11 and first thrown into this tiny room together.

I can’t say that though because it would ruin everything. Maybe I will in a few months when we leave Watford for good and go our separate ways.

He's looking at me expectantly now, so I try to come up with an acceptable answer.

"If I were trying to make my story my own, I think I would try to figure out what's holding me back and find a way to change it. I would find a way to take charge of it and not wait around for things to happen to me."

He tilts his head thoughtfully at me and a strand of hair falls down in front of his eye. My fingers itch to reach out and brush it away but I ball my hand into a fist to keep myself from doing something stupid.

"So, what's holding you back then Niall?"

My face heats even more as I stutter out a response. "N-nothing. We weren’t talking about m-me."

I press my lips firmly together as if to prove my point.

The corner of Dev's mouth turns up in a small smile, and it looks like his dark mood is almost gone. Something else has grabbed his attention. I just wish that thing wasn't me.

"We should go to dinner," I say in an attempt to distract him. I start to stand up, but he grabs my arm and pulls me back down. He doesn’t let go and now we're sitting face to face in the middle of our room.

"You have a secret," he accuses. "You're terrible at keeping secrets, so this must be big."

I swallow hard, my heart beating hard against my rib cage. "It's nothing. It's stupid."

"Come on. You can tell me. I'm your best friend."

And there it is. The reason I could never tell him how I really feel: I don’t want to lose his friendship. It means too much to me. He means too much to me.

"It’s nothing," I say again. "It’s not an important part of my story." The lie causes me physical pain as the words leave my mouth, and I want to take them back. I hate lying to him.

He looks like he wants to push the matter further, but he simply lets go of my arm and shrugs.

"Fine. You don’t have to tell me." He says it flippantly, like it really doesn’t matter, which for some reason makes me hurt even more.

My skin feels cold where his hand just was, and suddenly it feels like there’s too much room between us. He was wrong. I'm not terrible at keeping secrets. I just don't like keeping them, especially from him,which is why I decide that it's time to stop keeping this one.

"Dev wait," I say even though he hasn't moved yet. "I'll tell you."

"You don’t have to," he says softly. "I didn't mean to push you."

I shake my head. "No, you didn't. I want to tell you."

"Okay."

I drop my gaze down to my hands in my lap but then I decide that I need to look at him when I say this. I have to see his reaction, no matter how bad it is.

"You said that you feel like a background character but I know that's not true. It couldn’t possibly be true because you're such a big part of my life."

He starts to say something, but I shake my head to stop him. If I don’t say this now, I don’t think I'll ever be able to say it. I take a deep breath and continue.

"From the moment the Crucible pulled us together and brought you into my life, I knew my life would never be the same. As soon as I saw your crooked smile and floppy hair falling into your eyes, I knew that I was gone for. I may not have known what it meant just yet, but I knew having you in my life was all I would ever want." His expression is unreadable as I say all of this, so I just keep going, trying not to worry about what he must be thinking. "You can't possibly be a background character because you’re a main character in my story. You’re one of the most special things about my story, and you’re one of the things that keeps it going, gives it purpose."

"Niall, what exactly are you saying?" Dev asks slowly.

A small part of me wants to say that he's just my best friend, but I can’t go back now. I have to see this all the way through.

"I’m in love with you, Dev. I have loved you for years and--mmph."

I'm cut off when he presses his lips to mine and kisses me with so much force that it nearly knocks me over.

He pulls away just as quickly, his face red and unable to look at me.

"Sorry. I just--. Sorry."

"You don't have to apologize."

"Niall, I... I love you, too." He looks back up at me when he says it, a smile playing on his lips.

My brain stalls out at that, but I can feel my face break out into a giant, stupid grin. I can’t believe it. I can't believe Dev actually feels the same way about me.

It’s my turn to kiss him, and I actually do knock into him with enough force to make him land on his back on the carpet. Then I kiss him like my life depends on it.

He wraps his arms around me, and we lie tangled up together kissing for a long time.

"I think dinner is over now," Dev says when we finally break apart, and I laugh.

I roll off of him so that were both lying on our backs together, side by side. His hand finds my and I interlace our fingers.

We stay like that for a few minutes before there's a knock at the door.

"Are you two alright in there? You missed dinner." It's Baz.

Dev sits up quickly, and I join him.

"Remember," I say quietly. You’re not a background character. You are so much more than that."

He smiles and says, "I know. Thanks for helping me see that." Then louder, he says, "We're fine. We just got a little...distracted."

I can feel my face warm as I stand up, hoping I don’t look too much like I was just rolling around on the floor with my roommate.

"Oh. Is it alright if I come in?"

Dev looks at me and I shrug. "Sure. I have some snacks hidden in my wardrobe. We can eat in here."

"Alright thanks," Baz says when I let him

The three of us sit on the floor together passing snacks around and making small talk about our day. Dev keeps throwing knowing glances my way, and I try not to blush as I think about all that has transpired on this carpet in the last hour and a half.

I wonder what Baz would say if I just reached over and took Dev’s hand right now, but I don’t think I'm ready for him to know just yet. I am not ashamed of this. I just want it to stay between me and Dev for a little while longer.

It will be our little secret. Our special, amazing secret.

I can't keep the smile off my face, and I can tell Dev knows exactly what I’m thinking about, but he doesn’t say anything until Baz has left for his own room.

"So..." He says.

"So..." I repeat.

He smiles at me and my heart melts. Merlin, I love him.

"What does this mean?" He asks, and his face flushes, giving away how nervous he was about asking that question. I'm surprised he even has to ask.

"For me, it means I want to be your boyfriend."

"I want that, too."

We kiss again and it's perfect.

It’s like one of those big moments in a story when everything comes together, and all the pieces fall into place. This is what everything has been building to, and it’s even better than I ever could have imagined.

This is not the end of our story, merely the end of this chapter in it.

#deniall #deniall fic #dev x niall #the simon snow trilogy #rainbow rowell #story of us #my writing #i wrote this in like an hour and a half on my phone last night #which is kind of crazy for me #lol #i had a lot of fun with it!

[doomed-syko]

thank you so much for the tag @carmccannt 🖤💕

1. why did you choose your url?

actually, i don’t really know anymore haha. what i know is that it wasn’t my first url for this blog (the first one was probably tøp related; shame on me) and i do still know what it’s referenced. when i chose this url i was in a pretty heavy bring me the horizon phase (i still am, who am i kidding?) and their song doomed was on repeat for me at that time. the syko comes from oli sykes twitter name, which is @/olobersyko… long explanation i know

2. any sideblogs?

no, not really. i have one url saved but i don’t actually use it, but i’ve thought about maybe making a sideblog

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

tbh? i have no clue. i’ve had this blog for probably two, maybe two and a half years at this point? (the first post i made on here was in february 2019 i’m pretty sure) but i’ve had a blog before this which i deleted at some point (huge fucking regret) so i would say i’ve been on tumblr probably since late 2017/early 2018?? really no clue sorry

4. do you have a queue tag?

probably? i don’t actually use it tho because i always forget lol 😅

5. why did you start this blog in the first place?

to post and read about anything regarding tøp lol, which over the last years turned into me talking about basically anything i’m obsessed with at the moment and posting some of my writing here and there

6. why did you choose your icon?

because i’m very fucking bisexual and very in love with robert keating and anaïs gallagher… i remember when she posted this picture in colour (because it only existed in b&w before) because inhaler twitter lost their goddamn minds lol

7. why did you choose your header?

i quite like a matching layout (i blame twitter) and i didn’t want anything too busy as my header so i opted for the dark burgundy red with my url on it

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

probably just one where i thirsted over sweaty van mccann…

9. how many mutuals do you have?

honestly? idk. i have the tendency to not follow people back for the simple reason that i honestly and truly just forget to do it, oops… so i can’t name and count them all but they probably know who they are and they are very loved by me and all deserve a huge kiss xx

10. how many followers do you have?

253… which first of all: thank you so fucking much, second: why the fuck do you guys follow me 😅 like that’s so many people huh

11. how many people do you follow?

62 ranging from catb related blogs over marvel fic writers to mcr update blogs lol

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

all the time omg. a lot of my tumblr posts are just my last two brain cells fighting to survive while creating dumb memes and making stupid one liners

13. how often do you use tumblr a day?

idk probably between 5 to 10 times a day? it just really depends. there are days i’m rarely on here (for just like a minute before i close the app again and don’t look at it for the rest of the day) and sometimes i can spend hours browsing tumblr… still not as bad as twitter because i just checked and i spend almost 18 hours on there on average this week 💀💀

14. did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog?

no and i hope it stays that way. i’ve only had good interactions on this hell site so far lol

15. how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

depend on what it’s about in the end of the day. if it’s something that’s very important to me i’ll probably reblog it

16. do you like tag games?

i love LOVE tag games!! especially if it has anything to do with favourite artist or music in general! tag me as much as you want i’ll probably do them even if i did them before (if i don’t forget to do it haha)

17. do you like ask games?

YES SO MUCH!! i rarely get tagged in them but pls keep em coming!!

18. which one of your mutuals is tumblr famous?

i’ve i had to pick one person it would probably be @pacifymebby because i don’t know if she realizes how well known she is outside of tumblr/wattpad but believe me she’s basically carrying catb wattpad/catb fanfic tumblr on her back!! (i’ve had conversations on fucking twitter about this before actually) she has also super kind and has on many occasions complicated my music taste which makes her automatically fucking cool hehe… besides that, i feel like especially on catb tumblr the core people are pretty well known around :)

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

no, not really because i don’t know you all enough and the ones i do know are people i consider very good/close friends!!

this took long but it was very fun (that kinda rhymes lol). i’m tagging: @itwontalwaysbelikethiss @fenderenderender and @pacifymebby (don’t be pressured tho, if you don’t wanna do it that’s totally fine xx)

#tag game