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rexlroze · 2 months

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𝟏 — 𝐀𝐥𝐥 𝐀𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐏𝐢𝐞𝐫𝐜𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐋𝐢𝐟𝐞

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: Hobie Brown / SpiderPunk x Fem! Reader

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 3.7K

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: Use of Y/N, no physical description of reader (other then their clothing), Swearing, Mention of Alcohol, Mention of bugs, Violence/Fighting, and mostly Fluff I think.

𝑁𝑎𝑣𝑖𝑔𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠

𝑀𝑎𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡

A/N: This is my first time EVER writing a proper fanfic so if it sucks. Yeah. Idk- I tried my best tbh and hope y'all like it cuz if not, idk either. I'll be doing a tag list so if you want in, uh. Comment or sumn ig. Leave tips for me to improve in areas you think I need improvement! Also this isn't exactly canon to Earth-138. It's set in the early 2000s cuz no way am I writing for the fucking 1960s or whatever fuckin' year that mf comes from. I don't do requests nor do I plan on doing so. Happy Reading! 💛

Chapter 1 >>> Chapter 2

Recently, you just moved out of your parents house into a small cozy apartment in the North of London. About 200 miles away from your mummy and daddy dearest.

“No ma, I've already rented out my parlor. 'm not changing my mind at the last minute.” You grumbled into your phone as your mom hounded you with questions about literally everything. Your health, food, water, apartment and your new parlor.

Your new parlor, you were proud to say. You had finally rented out a small shop in Camden which was about a 10 minutes walk away from your apartment.

The only problem was that the area where your shop was grounded, it was in a small narrow area where people barely passed by and only a few residents lived and since you couldn't really afford a better place due to the flies that flew out of your wallet when you opened it and your limited budget, you just had to deal with it.

“Just know, if you ever need anything sweetie, me and your pops are always here.” Your mother reassured you sweetly but you could hear the concern trailing behind her voice.

“Yeah thanks, ma. Love you, and dad.”

“Love you too, sweets. But if you need anything like money, food or even—”

“Ma.” You cut her off abruptly.

“Yes?”

“I'll be fine, alright? I love you.”

“We love you too, sweetie.” She finally answered after a second of hesitation.

With that, you hung up the phone. Beeps punctuated the silence hanging in your room before you let out a deep sigh.

You sunk into your bed, looking up at the ceiling. As supportive your parents tried to be, they didn't really trust you with your career choices. The first time you told them you wanted to be a body piercer, they laughed and brushed it off… that was until they figured out you were being 100% serious.

You were grateful they didn't try to stop you, not directly at least because they never failed to mention and suggest a few other paths of careers. They got to the point of getting so desperate that they even suggested acting school but alas, you were as stubborn as a mule.

You got your license around 2 months ago. You can still remember yourself squealing and hopping around in your (old) room like a five year old who just got a puppy for Christmas. You couldn't wait to finally quit your side job (which was being a boring cashier with fake smiles and a faker kindness towards the karens that walked in and ruined your Monday mornings) and start your own little business in London. Your literal dream.

I'll get to work tomorrow. You thought to yourself since it was pretty much late afternoon now, turning the next 3 hours into a continuation of scrolling on your phone, listening to music on blast from the speakers sitting by your desk and knocking yourself out with some cheap bottle of booze that you bought during your ride to your apartment from the airport.

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

Making your way through the streets of Camden, you didn't fail to see the liveliness of it. People busy with their own lives, friends giggling, children skipping, couples holding hands, staring at one another with heart eyes.

Something squeezed your heart at the sight of the adorable couple. It reminded you of what you could've had with him if he hadn't… but unfortunately, what life throws at you isn't really under your control no matter how much you wish it could be.

You brushed off the nostalgia quickly and turned a corner, finding your parlor that you had rented about a week ago. You were met by sudden silence. The streets were quiet and empty other then the two teenage boys who were giggling and had run away after when you arrived, disappearing into a narrow alleyway.

You walked to where they previously stood just to see a poster. Specifically a band poster that was vibrant with different colors. A lanky punk boy posed in the middle of the poster with a guitar slung over his shoulder accompanied by three other members.

You couldn't help but get lost in the beauty of said punk boy. Honey-coated eyes that shone back at you, the color complimenting his ebony complexion along with his puffy jet-black hair that were braided into wicks, jawline so sharp that it made you wonder what it would feel like to run your fingers along them.

You shook your head, breaking the love trance you were stuck in. You didn't have time for dating, falling in love or whatever, not that you wanted to either. Your eyes zeroed on the big font at the bottom of the page.

“Spidersica, performing this 9th March at 9:30pm.” You read out loud to yourself. Almost 2 weeks away. Shrugging, you turn back to your shop. You'll decide what to do with that information on a later date.

You twisted the door knob that was attached to the black sleek door with the obscure glass window adorning it. The gold paint was scraping off the knob revealing the silver underneath. Besides that, when you turned the knob, the door didn't budge. You twisted it once more. Nothing. You pushed the door while twisting the knob the third time. Nothing again.

Slamming your body against the door in frustration, making the door burst open and you fall through it onto the cemented flooring. The bell atop the door chimed, swinging back and forth, mocking and taunting you.

Get the door fixed, you made a mental note as you pushed yourself up back onto your two feet. Running a hand over your T-shirt and straightening it.

You scanned the room, eyes roaming over the unused facility. Cobwebs decorating the corners of the roof, dust bunnies waving at you from the floor, old cream wallpaper peeling off the walls revealing the cemented wall beneath, the polluted air making you have a cough fit after you inhaled some dust accidentally.

Unshed tears pricked your eyes as your coughing fit wore off after a little while. “This could use some renovations,” you croaked out to no one in particular as you switched the light switch on.

The light bulb lit up producing a very bright light (brighter than normal) that illuminated the room. At least something works— your train of thought was cut off when the light bulb abruptly exploded.

“Just had to jinx it,” you grumbled, placing your hand onto your face.

You found your way to some curtains beside the door, pulled the long dirty brown pieces of linen apart, revealing a huge window that let the warm sunlight seep in and lighten the dark room. You slid the windows up to let the toxic air out and fresher air in.

Get the curtains replaced. You noted down somewhere in your brain as you took in the hideous pattern of the curtains.

You walked around the shop, letting your hand trace the long wooden counter that extended from the wall. Dust collecting at your fingertips that you wiped off on your shirt.

Making your way through the shop, you found a recessed door that was fixed into the left wall on the opposite side of the parlor. You gently turned the door knob not wanting to repeat the incident that transpired a few minutes ago. It opened without a fight.

When you peeked your head in, you found yourself in a small closet room. Metal shelves up against both sides of the wall with various random and dirty objects decorating them. The closet was just as filthy as the rest of the shop.

You found boxes, some small, some large sitting at the other end of the closet. That must be the furniture! You think, making your way towards them.

As you pick up one of the boxes carefully, wrapping both arms around the box that was bigger than your own head. You suddenly yelped falling back on your butt, the box falling into your lap.

“Fuck no!” You screeched in horror as you saw a cockroach fly up in the air. “Nononononono.”

You dashed out the closet, almost tripping on your shoe laces that came undone who knows when, slamming the door shut so the pesky rodent wouldn't escape and terrorize the rest of your shop as well. “What the fuck!”

Mental note 3, get pest fucking control. So far, the day was not going as planned.

You released a deep breath pulling your phone out from your back pocket to check for damage. You've never been more grateful for the invention of phone cases in your life. You doubted your phone could bear another crack on it's already kinda-fucked-up screen.

Pocketing your phone once again, your hands rested on your hips. You stared at the floor trying to calm down. “Fuckin’ hell,” you murmured to yourself rubbing your eye with the heel of your palm.

You kicked off your left shoe and turned back to the closet, mentally preparing yourself for the battle your a lifetime.

—

After fighting for your life and clearing out your closet of any other unpleasantries that may surprise the living Christ out of you, you pulled out your phone and began typing in some to-dos into the notes app. Tile installment, cleaning, probably pipe replacement, a door fix, bulb and wiring replacement, paint, decoration and all that stuff with the budget of five fucking hundred pounds. Just yay.

You left the parlor with determination to accomplish your goal; renovate. You thought as you found your way through the door and back on the streets of Camden.

In a matter of a few hours, you had managed to hire a few mechanics and workers to, one, install marble floorings into the parlor, two, get any pipelines or such fixed, three, get all cracks and crevices in the walls plastered, four, fix the door lock, and fix, rewire and reinstall the lightbulb. All in the cost of four hundred and thirty pounds, and with the seventy pounds left, you could buy the paint, curtains, and other pleasantries as such.

Walking through the appliances stores, your phone on hand as you check off a few to-do boxes. Satisfaction bloomed in your chest to see how much you had done in the matter of a day.

A small smile spread across your face as you made your way towards the next shop when a sudden boom behind you made you stop in your steps.

Screams fill the air but they're tuned out by the sudden high-pitched ringing in your ears. People passed by you running towards the exit and evacuating while you just stood there, unable to move for some reason when finally, your head snapped towards the chaos to see what everyone was running away from.

Green Goblin. You had seen him on the news whenever you scrolled on your phone for too long or when you scrolled through the TV channels and ended up on the news channel but never did you think you'd see him in real life but if the Green Goblin was here then…

Abruptly, the villainous individual who was flying abounding on his hoverboard and terrorizing everyone in the mall was knocked off by a swift kick. The one who delivered it was quick, you only saw the red and blues colors blurring together. Oh my fucking god, no way.

Slowly, the blurs of color started mashing together into an appropriate form. It's Spider-Punk. THE fucking Spider-Punk. And you were seeing him not through tv, but through your own goddamn eyes.

You watched as the Green Goblin regained his composure and lunged towards Spider-Punk. The two vigilantes participating in a violent game of tango while you stood there wide-eyed and stuck amidst the chaos sitting in the front seat.

It didn't take long for both vigilantes to notice your presence. All at once, a shout broke out from the red masked punk, “move!” when a broken piece of the wall was thrown right in your direction by the one and only Green Goblin. You saw the white's of Spider-Punk's mask widen.

Move. An inner voice in your head screamed. You couldn't. Move, goddamnit! Nothing. It felt as time had slowed down.

The stone piece inches away from your face, ready to smash your skull in when suddenly a silky white rope connected to your side and pulled you towards it. A hand wrapped around your waist and suddenly, now you're in the air.

Your heart thumped in your ears from the sheer amount of adrenaline and fear coursing through you as the two of you swung out the appliance store.

Your arms were subconsciously wrapped around his neck, your face was buried into the curve where his neck met his shoulder. You peeked your head up to see yourself high up in the air, and a glimpse of blurred green chasing the two of you.

You sucked in a shaky breath, you wondered if he could hear how loud your heart pounded, like it was gonna erupt from your chest anytime soon.

You felt heavy air hitting your back when he abruptly turned a sharp corner and now you're sitting on a dumpster in an alleyway who knows where with a vigilante in front of you checking for any major injuries.

“You alrigh’, love?”

It took you a minute to register his words due to the daze but you finally managed to choke out a “I'm fine,” your voice was slightly breathless but you didn't focus on that right now instead, you focused on the individual in front of you.

You quickly took in his wardrobe. A red spandex bodysuit, spiked mohawk, leather jacket, collar, spikes, nets, guitar, red boots, blue laces— blue laces? well damn…

“Aight, take a breather f'me, lovelie. ‘m gonna go deal w’him, ay? Take care!” He shouted, his voice fading as he ran towards the exit of the alley and swung away before you could manage another response.

…

What the fuck just happened?

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

You slowly recovered from the incident that happened just three days ago. An hour long face call with your parents who had seen you on the news swinging around in the arms of Spider-Punk. You lost count after sixteen of just how many times your parents had asked you if you were okay.

You had paid off the workers to get the job done while you were away, now you could only hope they hadn't robbed you and were currently flying to another state with your money.

You didn't have much left to do from your to-do list. The only thing you needed was some paint and furniture. You had ordered the paint (and paid) online, it would be at the door of your parlor in about a few hours. Or at least that's what the notification you gotten had said.

As you were currently laying in bed clicking away on your computer and chewing on the back of a pencil you randomly found in your backpack and an orange sofa that you found in your fridge, something ringed in your head.

Right!

The concert, you were supposed to look into it when you got home. Unfortunately, it had pretty much slipped your mind due to your little experience about a day ago.

You clicked away, opening a new tab, “Spi…der…si…ca… baa…nnd.” You pronounced each syllable carefully while you typed away.

Pushing down the enter button, you were met by a white loading screen that led you to another google page. You clicked the first link and found yourself on another website.

“A popular punk band in london with the following members: Karl Morningdew, the bass Guitarist, Riri Williams, the keyboardist and Mattea Murdock, the drumist followed by their BandLeader, Hobart Brown, the guitarist—” Your voice slowly faded out as you saw the image of a familiar punk boy pop up that you had gotten lost in just a few days ago outside of your parlor. “Huh.”

You scrolled through the website until your eyes settled onto the information you were looking for, “Spidersica, publicly performing on the 9th of March.” The information was followed by the location and other necessary details.

“Eh, screw it. I gotta socialize anyway,” you blurted out, clicking off the tab.

—

After finishing another can of soda, you finally had gotten ready to go back out after locking yourself in your house for the past forty-eight hours. Patting the pockets of your jeans to make sure you had your phone and keys in them, you escorted yourself through the door of your apartment.

You soon find yourself making your way down the three quarter turn stairs and back on the roads looking up in the sky for a particular rebellious masked vigilante.

You didn't know what for, maybe to thank him. Or maybe just curiosity at its finest. You shrugged the thoughts off and continued making your way to the parlor. You didn't have time for a cat and mouse chase where the mouse doesn't even know he's being chased.

After all, you were no one special. Just a normal everyday civilian whom his job was to protect.

Finally arriving at your parlor, it looked a lot less abandoned than it did when you arrived three days ago, the front door opening with ease when you pushed the keys in and twisted the knob which was also replaced. You could tell due to the shining new gold color coating it.

Polished white marble tiles installed in the once cemented flooring. The crevices in the walls were filled out along with the old cream wallpaper removed. An air conditioner was fixed into the wall above the recessed door, a fixed bulb and working electricity.

Those were some major improvements but that didn't change the fact the place was still filthy as fuck.

You sighed and grabbed a broom that rested in the corner of the closet, pulling your headphones over your head and began sweeping away.

—

After you finished sweeping, you decide to install the new curtains you had bought. They were a dark marengo made of a silky smooth material. As you tried to push the curtains into the metal pole, the bell aloft the door began chiming signifying somebody had arrived, when you turned the door, you were met by a man who stood in a blue-ish uniform, a clipboard in his hand while he tapped the back of a pen on it.

“Uh hello, delivery for Y/N Y/L/N?”

“That would be me.”

“Oh, please just sign here.” He turned the clipboard around to face you, offering you the ballpoint he had.

You walked over, taking the pen from his hand and signed the piece of paper where he had told you to.

He put the clipboard away, taking the pen back from you as he stepped out and came back in with a large box placing it down onto the tile flooring. “G’day, madam.”

He politely bowed his head while you let out a small “thank you” after he tilted his head back up and walked back out the parlor.

You picked up the box that was immensely heavy, probably because of the damn paint cans in them, Sherlock, you had just assumed they most likely were the paints you ordered.

When you turned away, placing the box onto the counter, suddenly the bell chimed once again. You spoke without looking up, “did you forget something, Mr.mailman?”

“Mailman? Hardly.” A familiar angelic voice spoke, making you freeze, Spider-Punk—? You thought as you turned to the voice with wide eyes, but to your surprise. It was someone completely different.

“You good, love? You look like you just seen a ghost.” Honey-coated eyes, ebony complexion, jet-black hair, sharp jawline, is that-?

“Oh my god,” you breathed, “are you Hobart Brown?” your voice was a higher pitch than usual but you couldn't help it. “Oh my god, what are you doing here—” you were abruptly cut off by him.

“Okay okay, I'm gonna cut you off right there, love, first of all. Just call me Hobie. Please.” He chuckled, a small smirk on his face, “and well, second of all, I heard you did piercings, hm?”

“Oh. Uh… okay then, Hobie. Yes. Yeah, I do piercings, why?” Well, that's a stupid question.

“I was wondering if you could do mine, because as you can see, my face is pretty clean.” He smiles softly, pointing to his face that didn't bear any piercings… yet.

“Oh yeah, um. I'm not really open yet—” you cut yourself off at a sudden realization. “Wait, how'd you find me?” You raised an eyebrow, you only remember telling everyone in your circle about the parlor yet.

“Oh, one of my friends told me.”

You raised your eyebrow higher, confusion bubbling in you. “Can I know their name?”

“Yuri.” He shrugged nonchalantly.

Yuri? As in your goddamn BEST FRIEND Yuri?

“Yuri Watanabe?” You asked, expecting a no.

"You know her?"

Of course I know my damn best friend, dumbass! That's what you wanted to say, but instead you held your tongue.

“Well yeah, she's my best friend. We met at a bar back in York.” You didn't know why you were telling him, you didn't even know if you could trust him. After all, he was just a random stranger— sure he was famous or whatever but you still just found out about him like three days ago.

“Huh, I don't think she's mentioned you but nice to meet you, er…?”

“Y/N. Y/N Y/L/N. Nice to meet you too, Hoba- Hobie.” You quickly corrected your small error.

“Y/N.” He looked like he was trying to remember something from a long time ago. Suddenly his eyes lit up, “oh yeah, she has mentioned you a couple times if I think about it.” He gave you a polite smile, “Do you need help? with whatever you're doing?”

“What?”

“I said do you want help?” He repeated, “seems like you could use some.” He observed, eyes roaming around your unfinished parlor.

“Do… are you looking for something in return?” You were confused by his sudden offer. He had to be wanting something in return, right? I mean, he learned your name like JUST a minute ago.

“Nah, just wanna help you out. Plus, you could prolly use some company, ay?”

“I mean… wait, why would you wanna do that? Aren't you busy with things like… practice or something.”

“Do you want help or not?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Yes.” You answered with a small voice, biting down on your lip gently.

𝐓𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭: @the-kr8tor @hobieszeze @missshelleyduvall

Banner(s) by @/cafekitsune

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tom-whore-dleston · 8 months

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Love Changed the Minds of Pretenders

Pairing ▹ Bucky Barnes x gn. reader

Word Count ▹ 1k

This fic contains ▹ angst, fluff, songfic, unestablished relationship, mentions of sex, mentions of Joaquin x reader, mutual ending of relationship, light beta reading (even though there are no explicit mentions of adult themes, I do not want minors or blank blogs interacting with this fic)

Summary ▹ Do you remember | The 21st night of September?

Notes ▹ I should be asleep right now because I have work at 7am but I just had a random burst of creativity and I needed to let it out. Anyways, this is my submission for @bucks-and-noble Summer Send Off. Thank you @buckets-and-trees and @sgt-seabass for creating this challenge and refueling my love for Bucky. And a special shoutout to the book club! I am so happy I met y'all and I am beyond grateful for the bond we have created 💖 Fun fact: This is my first ever Bucky fic woop woop!! Remember to reblog and comment if you enjoyed! 😊

Prompt ▹ use a lyric [from September by Earth Wind and Fire] as direct inspiration for a theme/idea

September 21, 2022. 10:02 pm.

The night you met Bucky Barnes.

Of all places, you met Bucky at a bar. The same bar where your friend performed their first live show and they invited you to watch. You weren’t expecting to meet anyone that night. Your heart had been broken only a few weeks prior.

Everyone thought: Was he a rebound? A distraction?

No. He was so much more than that. It could have been easy to feel that way fresh out of heartbreak. Even more so when outsiders were constantly questioning what you and Bucky really were. But there was clearly a reason Bucky showed up in your life after this period of hurting.

Bucky gave you love and security. He made you feel safe when he took you to the movies, when he made love to you, when you slept peacefully in his strong arms. You always thanked him for the things he did to make you feel secure and loved. He’d reply with his typical phrase, “I’m glad I make you feel that way.”

He welcomed you into his home, his life, and his heart after many years of keeping the door locked and the key tucked away. Waking up and stroking your face before pressing a kiss to your dry lips was something that made your love for him stronger. Then after an hour or so of getting tangled between the sheets, you both would jump in the shower, gently caressing one another with soapy hands. Breakfast with Bucky was another tender ritual that you cherished. Whether it was at 10 in the morning or 1 in the afternoon, you never skipped breakfast with him.

He challenged your negative thoughts and beliefs. You and Bucky would stay on the phone until 3 in the morning talking about the universe, aliens, and other conspiracy theories. The two of you would ponder on the purpose of your lives and the ways of the universe. One thing you both were certain about was that you wanted your lives to be fulfilling and meaningful. Your world expanded and bloomed with beauty and wonder because of him. You wanted to be better and so did he.

Bucky made you believe in love again. And you made Bucky believe in love again.

As the months passed, everything was splendid. Perfect, even. But with perfection, there’s always something lacking. Of course, you wouldn’t have seen what was lacking if it slapped you in the face.

After 10 months of dating Bucky, you finally revealed your love for him. Now, Bucky wasn’t the type to say it. Heck, he didn’t even say “I love you” to his sister unless she said it first. Yet that wasn’t a deal breaker because he expressed his love in other ways.

“I love you, too. I know your feelings for me are strong, but I don’t know if I can give you what you want.”

It was understandable. He did mention in the beginning that he wanted to casually date. You forgot that you wanted the same thing. Man that felt like such a long time ago. Time really does fly when you start to fall in love. And hard you fell.

You hid your disappointment by making more excuses as to why being committed to Bucky would not be in the cards. First, there was the long distance. Then, there was the uncertainty about both of your futures. For a couple that talked a lot about your ambitions, you both lacked the confidence in where you would go in life. As the list of reasons piled up, there was one that made your brain fuzzy and your heart swell.

That reason was Joaquin Torres.

You met Joaquin through your cousin. There was an instant attraction between the two of you yet neither of you pursued each other. If you had gone for Joaquin, you would not have created the world you had with Bucky. So when your feelings for Joaquin grew stronger than your feelings for Bucky, you knew you had to take action before someone got hurt.

Contrary to your belief, no one got hurt. You were transparent with Joaquin about your status with Bucky, and he understood. When you revealed to Bucky your feelings for Joaquin, he too understood.

“Listen, angel, I know you. You know what you want in your life and you don’t let anything get in the way of that. I do love you, but who am I to stand in the way of living the life you want. You’ve let people tell you how to live your life for so long and now it’s my turn to stop that cycle. If this is what you want, don’t let me stop you.”

You and Bucky shared beautiful memories over the 10 months of being together, but the words he said to you on August 8, 2023 will always be ingrained in your brain for the rest of your life. That night was the last time you spoke to him and saw his face, even though it was over a video call.

“I’m grateful for having you in my life,” you confessed to him, trying not to cry. You couldn’t figure out if it was because you were surprised this conversation went way better than you thought or because you were saying goodbye.

Bucky grinned, “No need to get all sappy on me, angel.” You shared a final laugh together. “Well, if you ever find yourself in the city, you know where to find me.”

Part of you wanted to make a joke about how you’d run into him at the bar where you met, but you stopped yourself. Instead, you replied:

“You got it, Buck.”

And that marked the end of you and Bucky.

You and Bucky’s love was never meant to fail. Yet it was never meant to succeed. Perhaps it was just meant to simply exist.

But who knows, maybe that fateful night in August was not the end. Only time could tell. That was the beauty of time and the universe. You can plan and make certain choices, but ultimately, the universe will lead you to where you’re meant to be.

Now, it’s September 21, 2023. No, Bucky is not in the picture, but your thoughts are with him.

Do you remember? Yes, you remember. You always will.

Navigation | Fanfic Masterlist | Bucky Barnes Masterlist

#bnsummersendoff #bucky barnes #winter soldier #sebastian stan #tfatws #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #winter soldier x reader #winter soldier x you #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes oneshot #angst #fluff #reader insert #no y/n

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kiwiana-writes · 7 months

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20 question for fic writers

Thanks @stereopticons and @welcometololaland for the tags, even if it is distracting me from hockey lmaooooo

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

221. No, that's not a typo.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

729,286! However there's a few collabs in there, per my spreadsheet where I obsessively track these things my *personal* wordcount for works on AO3 is 600,080 (so I guess I crossed 600k with this morning's kinktober! That's fun.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Right now it's Red, White & Royal Blue. I still have my toes in Schitt's Creek, and I've written for Happiest Season and The Last of Us on AO3 as well.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

With so much of my heart (that none is left to protest) [Red, White, & Royal Blue] - the actor AU, aka MJ Nerds Out About Shakespeare For 65,000 Words. And y'all love it, apparently 😅

We always walked a very thin line [Happiest Season] - It remains forever fascinating to me that my rage-fuelled fuck-that-ending thing I smashed out in like 3 hours after watching that film is still the most-kudosed work in the entire fandom. I guess other people shared my annoyance lol.

We were supposed to find this [Red, White, & Royal Blue] - The soulmates/solemates fic and my first fic in this fandom??? That somehow blew all my SC fics out of the water kudos-wise??? Go figure lmao.

Meet me out at the end of my rope [Schitt's Creek] - angstapalooza, my beloved.

When you care enough to send the very best [Schitt's Creek] - this being in the top five (and my second-highest SC fic) is eternally fascinating to me. A fully epistolary fic with Patrick as a greeting card writer for Hallmark?? I mean sure, it's a cute concept, but this is another one of those 'wrote it in an afternoon and y'all love it apparently' fics.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Absolutely! Sometimes I feel bad that my responses aren't always, like, enough. But I massively appreciate people taking the time to comment so I'm always gonna respond!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Probably the one that ends with MCD lmaooooo

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most everything I write has a happy ending, but it's probably the RWRB Actor AU? Both the end of the main story and the epilogue end on massive joy

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Yeah. Particularly kink stuff (please be cool on tomorrow's y'all) but also some massively panphobic bullshit on some Schitt's Creek fics. And one or two people who have beef with me lmao. I'm liberal with my use of the 'delete comment' button haha.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

It's been said about me that I might write a bit of smut from time to time, yes. (Though, contrary to my reputation, especially in SC, E-rated is actually only 37% of my total works.) The filthy-yet-tender kind. The let's-examine-where-kinks-come-from kind. The sex-positive kind. The let-people-be-horny-freaks kind.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I haven't, but I would if the right idea presented itself!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of...

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I know of...

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! My partner in crime @ships-to-sail and I have co-written two uhhhhhh somewhat tonally different fics: The afterlife fic that was a huge treatise on grief and how the people in our lives shape us, and the one where Patrick is a snowman who comes to life complete with sparkly Twilight dildo dick. Something something range.

The Jake/Rachel series has each individual fic as a solo write, but the series is an internally consistent collaboration with @sarahlevys

And there have been a few projects where I've written a section or a chapter as part of a larger collaborative work: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Don't have one. I love a whole bunch for a whole bunch of different reasons.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Technically I guess the series is a WIP, but I honestly don't know if I'll ever get to the end of the show for kink!verse. (Never say never 😭 but right now I can't see it happening.)

16. What are your writing strengths?

Fuck off stop making me be nice about myself.

Um, character voice? Both dialogue and narration. I think I'm good at getting a handle on the way characters speak and think, and when I'm on my epistolary bullshit I tend to put a lot of thought into how they text etc as well (for fandoms where we don't see that in canon haha).

Also I'm apparently really good at making readers feel their feelings. Love y'all ❤️

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Plot lol. I've said it before and I'll say it again, there's a reason y'all keep seeing me thank @ships-to-sail for the outline on anything with any substance.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Not opposed to it, but have a horror of google translate fail. So beyond, like, a word here or there, I wouldn't do it unless I could reach out to a fluent speaker and make sure it's right. My second language is functionally useless to me in a fandom context lol.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

HP. Fuck JKR for tainting all my memories of that time.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Hey remember my answer to #1? That makes this mean.

I have a different answer every time. Been a bit dysphoric lately so today I'm gonna say it's nonbinary Alexis Rose lol.

Tried to skip people I'd seen have done it or been tagged already but was probably unsuccessful, sorry if some of y'all are feeling spammed: @affectionatelyrs @celeritas2997 @daisymae-12 @happiness-of-the-pursuit @heartitinthesilence @hgejfmw-hgejhsf @hypnostheory @inexplicablymine @myheartalivewrites @sherryvalli @smc-27 @tintagel-or-cockleshells and anyone who wants to play ❤️

#tag game #20 questions for fic writers

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iwaasfairy · 1 year

Note

Heyo Fairy!! I hope your day/night/evening/morning/afternoon is going amazingly, and that you never forget that you are that bitch! (Affectionate, obv) Seriously, I remember when I first started having these "darker" thoughts about characters and I was like 'What the fuck is wrong with me?' and then years later, I find your and Rhi's blog. Y'all let me realize that it's perfectly normal to think these things, even if those who don't, or deny that they do, think otherwise. So, seriously, thank you, y'all mean so, so, SO MUCH to me! Like big sisters that help me see there's nothing wrong with me, even if people I know irl would say "wtf?" 🥹

Ahhh, sorry, that was so fucking sappy! 🫣 I just wanted to ya know that it really does mean a lot to people like me, and your other followers, that y'all are brave enough to post the things you do despite all the little bitches that try and tear y'all down 🥹

... That was sappy again 🤦🏻‍♀️ y'know what, what the fuck ever, I'm just a soft person when it comes to emotions and shit, I'll deal with it 😤

That all being said, I can't belIEVE it took me this long to comment on 2 of Cups! Okay, so, when part 1, and 2, came out, I had no idea who Rin and Sae were. I didn't even know what Blue Lock was, just that it's a manga/anime. I was like oh, okay, cool! I read part one anyway, and was all like "... I gotta watch this. If the anime isn't out yet, I gotta watch it as soon as it DOES come out." (I'm an anime only, because I almost always give characters the exact same voice if I have nothing to go off of 😒 I struggle with it fr fr. anYWAY—) So, I don't... Think? I'd read part 2 yet, tbh I think I completely forgot about it, the memory is NOT good, I'm so sorry! So when the anime DID come out, I wasn't actually aware 😅 until they uploaded episode, like... 10? Or 11? Of the English Dub? AnywAY! THE POINT Is, I started watching because of things I've read, I was TIRED of looking up every single character when I read about them 😭 SO, I watched, got caught up to where it is now, and am waiting for the next episode, and you mention 2 of Cups part 3 is coming out, and I was like "oH SHIT, I REMEMBER READING PART 1!" So, I went back, read parts 1 and 2, absolutely ADORED them, despite the pain 🥹 Like, Rin's pining, but not wanting to do anything because of SAE, that little bitch, that won't admit he's the sAME and keeps being an AsS when Rea-chan and Rin are even remotely affectionate, AaAAAAHHHH! And I was so exCITED for part 3! And then part 3 came out, and... It absolutely bLEW MY IMAGINATION OUT OF THE PARK, LIKE!! !! I dunno, what I was expecting to happen, but I'm so happy it went the way it did! I mean, yeah, sure, it hURT, what with Sae continuing to be an ass, and RIn, poor rIN! Sweet baby, he's so! I can't even begin to espresso how in absolute awe I'm in of this mASTERPIECE! It keeps me up at night, thinking about it, and about what may happen next. Like, did Sae go back to, I think it was... Spain? Did he just go somewhere else for the time being, and he'll be back? Will Rin give in to his fantasies? Will he be soft and gentle if he does? Would he absolutely destroy Rea-chan with his roughness? Would he start off gentle, and then lose it?

So many questions, but I can wait to have them answered; I know you work incredibly hard, and that writing really takes time 🥰 PLUS, we can't have you not sleeping! The Queen of Fairies needs her sleep, she must rest and take care of herself 🥺 Love you much, take care!! 🥰

firST OF ALL,no yOURE THAT BITCH!!!! YOU ARE! YOU ARE! wtfFDSGD thIS IS SO FUCKING SWEET im gonna cry and scREam !!! ♡♡♡ yes iT is totally normal for you to thrive off of taboo, tIS ouR little bug brains,, and alSO IM MASTER OF SAP i doNT MIND YOU BEING SAPPY PLS THIS IS SO SWEEETTTTTT :/ makes me cry. i hope you know i see every like and rb and i get the dumbest fondest grin on my stupid face any time you're in my notifs, or def when you send an ask or a comment or anything i jUST mELT

and stOPPDbhFu MASTERpiECE i??FYFDyd pLS pls pls oml iM SO VERY VERY HAPPY you LIKED thE FIc and iM bery happy i decided to give myself room for a part 4 bc i think iLL need iT im just Too foND of thEm!! and YES oml manY quESTions right??? i! haven't figured them all out yet so i can't exactly tell you everything but i do know that Sae's still in Japan, he's not yet going back to Spain,, i think Sae just can't handle the idea of rea-chan being with Rin and a similar grudge against him,, and :))) heheh for the smut :))) we shall have to wait and see

#i lOVE YOU MOREEEE #pLS I HOPE YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEKEND #AND !!! an EVEn BETTER WEEK #mWUAH #honey mail

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eddiethenerdbro · 1 year

Text

I posted 4,966 times in 2022

That's 4,460 more posts than 2021!

103 posts created (2%)

4,863 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@hydepotions

@starscreamfireworks

@clioquev

@science-bastard

@queen-fenestra

I tagged 845 of my posts in 2022

#phantom of the paradise - 64 posts

#jekyll and hyde - 31 posts

#thursday - 27 posts

#riverspeaks - 26 posts

#ask riverthenerdbro - 19 posts

#art - 12 posts

#the strange case of dr jekyll and mr hyde - 11 posts

#goncharov - 11 posts

#hah - 10 posts

#mazm jekyll and hyde - 9 posts

Longest Tag: 129 characters

#autism is getting one of those locks where you have to set a word to open the lock just so you can lock and unlock it every night

My Top Posts in 2022:

24 notes - Posted February 24, 2022

Like if you’re dehydrated

Reblog if you’re dehydrated

27 notes - Posted February 15, 2022

I have a drawing idea

Orin scrivello polishing his boots

28 notes - Posted January 18, 2022

Hey y'all!

I just wanted to talk about an issue that I've been personally facing. Very often, whenever I'm looking at trans tiktoks, most of the time, it's only skinny, muscular guys, not that there is any problem with that! It's awesome!!!! But I have found that looking at all these people, I start to feel very insecure about myself.

I am not a "skinny minnie" as my mum says. I am very self conscious about my hips and my thighs, as they give me a very feminine appearance. I sometimes feel like I will never be able to pass as a guy, because people will just assume because of how my body looks. I have already experienced this at my school, and I get worried that this will happen to me forever.

My friends are super supportive, including my boyfriend, which helps like crazy!! Speaking of things that I find helpful for ⭐mentally passing⭐, I'll list a few!

I find it incredibly awesome to wear some kind of belt (my favorite being one that's black with white belt buckle hole things!) just because it feels like a staple masc part of an outfit to my brain!

Another thing that I find helps is wearing really colorful jewelry, like rainbow dog tags, rainbow bracelets, or really funky rings! I usually have them set out in a spot where I always see them, and I immediately put them on first thing in the morning.

Shoes that make you happy! I have a pair of butter orange converse that I usually wear in the summer, and late fall. Bonus for me, pairing funky boots with equally funky socks! My favorite pair being Nightmare Before Christmas ankle socks!

Always have a hoodie or jacket on hand! Ever feeling super, shmooper dysphoric? Feeling super wrong? Just find yourself a comfy hoodie, jacket, vest, or whatever! My three favorite dysphoria reliving jackets are a black jean jacket, with various pins, a burgundy red zip up hoodie, and a hand me down vest with even more weird pins on it! I find that this relives most forms of dysphoria I experience.

I hope this list helps some of my fellow trans mascs, or just fellow trans people in general! Most of these tips are relating to trans guys, as I, myself am one, but any of these could help you! I always enjoy talking about my experiences, and if any of my tips help, I'm glad they do!

Have a good day/night/afternoon everyone!

33 notes - Posted June 9, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Hello everyone!

My name is River, and I’m a really funky dude!

On this blog, you might see:

Phantom Of The Paradise (and Phantom Of The Opera)

Jekyll & Hyde

Muppets (in general)

Little Shop Of Horrors

Magnus Archives

And may other things! I have a rather eclectic taste in things, and I often post really random content

Hope You Enjoy Your Stay Here!

No Racist, Homophobic, Transphobic, Sexist Assholes Allowed

36 notes - Posted January 18, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #false

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nxtsnw · 3 years

Note

A one-shot where the Bonten!Haitani brothers takes care of their sister's child and the child is Y/n. Don't do it if you're uncomfortable.

n.a: hiihi! I've just opened the requests so I'll do it <3 i hope u like it!

genre: fluff

warnings: no one!

summary: Oh, have the Haitani brothers ever been to care for a baby? I don't think so... Here's how it would go if one day, their sister asked them to take care of her child, y/n.

HAITANI BROTHERS TAKING CARE OF THEIR SISTER'S CHILD

* Your mother would have to work all day that day, and your father too.

* Every night your mother used to talk to her brother, and your uncle, Ran. After telling him about the problem, he replied that she could take you to him (also that Rindou would be there that day)

* Ran and Rindou would ask Mikey for the day off, saying they had serious problems in the family..

* Also your mother, despite being a little hesitant, she had no other choice, so she took you the next morning to Ran and Rindou. After making them promise they wouldn't make anything dangerous, she went to work...

* As soon as you arrived they stared at you for a good 10 minutes ... before Rindou said something like:

"I knew it!! we have the same eyes!"

"WTF?? How's that even possible ??? And then they are the same as those of her mother, idiot" Ran replied

* And so the ice broke. The next thing Rindou yelled at you on his way to the kitchen was:

“OH Y/N! YOU HAVE TO KNOW THAT RAN COOKED YOU A LOT OF GOOD THINGS! SO COME AND HAVE BREAKFAST! "

"FOOL, WHY YOU TOLD IT !!"

"I'M SORRY, but I was hungry, ” Rindou replied as he came out of the kitchen and ate a piece of the apple pie that Ran had cooked.

* During breakfast, they asked you for the most ordinary things possible: whether you were going to school/ with your friends / if you did some sport(if have u ever killed someone). Until the question "are you in love with someone?" and Rindou was so obstinate. They started giving love advice without even letting you answer...

* After a few hours, you were completely at ease !! Your uncles were also telling you some episodes of when they were in the gang when they were young... leaving out the fact that they were still involved in some strange business.

* RAN WOULD OFFER YOU TO DYE YOUR HAIR. In the end, you only opted for a strand, otherwise, your mother would have killed you...

* Then Rindou decided it was the right time to go out. And where to go if not to the amusement park?

* Ran didn't want to ride the roller coaster, but then you two convinced him, bad choice. On the way back he was angry and started chasing Rindou to beat him (although he was now an adult)

* They got you everything you wanted (pls are so happy to be with you)

* Ran would constantly take pictures, while Rindou would insist on going to eat. Even if they are older than you, it could be said that you look like the more mature one.

* You came home in the afternoon dead tired.

* They let you choose what to do.

Do you want to draw? Ran would have brought out the necessary.

Do you want to cook? and that they would do.

Do you want to play a game? Eh, they'd be destroyed, but they'd still play for you.

*Y'all tried to cook, Ran was good while Rindou practically dirty everything .. but in the end, an amazing dinner came out !!

*After fixing everything, you started watching a movie ... horror. Rindou loves him, but Ran is secretly terrified of them, so you've been trying to scare him all evening...

* Your mother arrived at around 11 pm and found this scene:

you and uncle Rindou covered with a towel scattered with ketchup as fake blood, who was being chased by uncle Rin with a shoe in his hand, ready to throw it at him...

* Let's say that your mother did not expect all this ... but in the end, it could have been worse right?

* They would be very embarrassed… but after your mother saw you so happy with the day you spent with them, she would take you there more often. (she hadn't yet seen the colored lock of hair,,,,,)

#tokyorev #tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers headcanon #headcanon #haitani brothers #🍁nxtsnw #request #rindou haitani #ran haitani #rindou x reader #ran x reader #ran haitani x reader #tokyo revengers x y/n #tokyo revengers x reader

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1025cherrystreet · 3 years

Text

order for me, please?

y/n is too anxious to order for herself at a restaurant, so harry does it for her.

disclaimer: did not proofread this, nor do i really like how i ended it. very much rushed, very much lost the plot i feel lmao. any feedback is appreciated!!!

warnings: talks about anxiety quite a lot, other than that just fluff. kinda short soz <3

Harry rubs soft circles into your side while you're cuddled into him on the couch. The light coming in from the window casts a yellow glow into the room, little rainbow beams decorate random spots in your living room from the glass.

You've been a bit anxious today. The worst part of it is that you have no clue as to why you've been so anxious. Nothing particularly stressful has occurred since you woke up, but your heart hasn't stopped racing, your breathing has been quite shaky, and your palms are clammy. Some days are just harder than others, you know this, but it doesn't dismiss the fact that it's still difficult to even get through the day sometimes.

Since the moment you woke up in Harry's warm clutch this morning, you felt off. That uncomfortable feeling in your tummy and the constricting nails that seem lodged in your throat were a not-so-warm welcome when you opened your eyes.

Having anxiety and knowing how hard it is for you, you know how hard it can be for the people around you as well. You felt guilty. You felt guilty because today was one of Harry's days off from work and he doesn't get many of them, always so busy. You didn't want to ruin what was supposed to be a good, relaxing, fun day.

But, when Harry wished you a good morning love, and you had opened your mouth to speak with glossy eyes, only to have the words get caught in your throat, he knew today wasn't a good one.

However, because Harry is such an amazing person and boyfriend, he knows how to go about handling your anxiety. He knows you. He knows that you just need a cuddle and a slow day with tea and a good meal. He knows when you start to get really worked up, you listen to Landslide by Fleetwood Mac because it reminds you of a sweet childhood memory. He knows you don't want to do much talking, but rather more watching TV. He knows you like to distract yourself on your bad days...and he knows how to do so.

So, after spending all morning and into the afternoon having tea and breakfast and taking your meds (along with a short cry), you're now cuddling on the couch mindlessly watching a movie. It's quiet in the house, the only sound coming from the television (and maybe your heart beating if Harry got close enough), but Harry swears you could be able to hear his thoughts from a mile away.

He worries about you sometimes. As does everyone who loves someone. He's never loved someone as much as he loves you and it scares him sometimes. He's not scared of falling out of love or deciding you guys aren't the best for each other, no. He's scared of not being enough for you. He knows you tell him that he's the love of your life and that he will always be enough for you, but a little part of him is scared that he might not be able to take care of you. Now, he's not saying in any way, shape, or form that he's not capable of taking care of you, because he can! He's just scared he might mess up and make your anxiety worse. He hates seeing you so out of it.

You're always the sunlight in every room, always smiling and so loving. You care so deeply for everyone around you, he admires it. He admires you. He loves you, so he hates that your mind can be mean to you at times.

See, his troubles with anxiety are far different from yours. Gratefully, his anxiety is more rational (still troubling, just more rational!) ... which is the complete opposite to yours. Your disorder is so irrational and crazy that, more often than not, you get so frustrated with yourself. Your brain makes up problems to be there that aren't there. You worry about nothing and everything all at once, feeling like you never get a break from the mental toll it has on you.

So with that, Harry hates seeing you so anxious. He knows you're so vulnerable and fragile in this state that he doesn't want to make anything worse for you, he wishes every day that he could just take all the worry and bad thoughts from your head and put them on himself instead, as long as it meant that you'd be your happy self again.

But, he knows that's not possible. He also knows that's it's okay to not be okay all the time, so he packs his wishes back into his brain and cuddles you closer. Hoping you can feel his love reverberate off every surface of this house to you.

Oddly enough, you almost feel as if you can. In your simultaneously busy yet silent mind, you can make out his affection in every circle he draws onto your skin with his fingertips, in every warm cup of tea he makes, and every sickly sweet kiss he presses onto your lips, forehead, and cheek. You know he loves you and you hope with everything that he knows you love him just as much, if not more.

With that thought running through your head, you turn to place a kiss to his chest, lightly tracing the butterfly (moth?) tattoo through his shirt. A content hum sounds from his lips and he squeezes you tighter before kissing the top of your head.

"I love you," He whispers, as if not to disturb the comfortable silence created in this space.

"I love you more," You whisper back, the tea earlier melting the nails in your throat just a little.

***

"Does Carrburritos sound good, lovie?" Harry asks, waiting on the edge of y'all's bed for you to finish getting ready.

Carrburritos is your favorite restaurant ever. Of course, you know that's why Harry chose it and the thought of him doing something as simple as that melts your heart at how sweet and thoughtful he is.

"Yeah, thank you, bubs." You respond softly, still in the fragile state you were in earlier, albeit definitely feeling better. You make your way to the edge of the bed where Harry is, slotting your body between his legs and bringing your hands up to play with the little curls on his neck.

"Alright, love. If you're ready to go, we can start to head over?" He asks, rubbing his big hands up and down along your sides.

You nod, leaning into kiss him. It's short, but your lips melt against his and no matter how many times you've kissed him, every single one still feels as magical as the first time.

The two of you get to the restaurant in 15 minutes time, settling at a table close to the window, in more of a quiet area. You feel better than you have all day, but the loud noises and the people in here are making your heart rate spike just a tad.

You and Harry talk softly about random topics, nothing about work or anything too heavy because you don't think you're able to handle that right now. You giggle at the jokes Harry will slip in ever so often and his face lights up at the sound, loving that he can make you feel comfortable after having such a hard day.

When the waitress comes by to get your drink orders, your leg starts bouncing a mile a minute under the table. You rehearse the five words just a sweet tea, please, over and over in your head for when she gets to you. Somehow, you manage to squeak out the order, avoiding eye contact as a nervous habit, but now that you realize you're doing it, the fear of coming across as rude now terrorized your mind. But, before you could do anything about it, the waitress walks away.

"You okay, baby?" Harry can sense your nerves, practically seeing them coming off of you. He reaches his hand across the table to hold yours, rubbing his thumb along your hand.

You just nod, trying to calm yourself. You're being so silly, you think to yourself. What? You're really about to cry because you forgot you have to talk to the waitress to order your food? It's a small encounter, you don't understand why your head makes it such a difficult task. You start to get frustrated with yourself, almost bringing tears to your eyes.

"Hey, tell me what you need, darling?" Harry coos, ducking his head to get in your line of sight since you've been stuck staring at the table top for the past few minutes.

You clear your throat in hopes to push down the tears and diminish the scratching feeling in your throat, although, it didn't do much.

"C-can you..." You huff, now frustrated that you can't even speak, "can you please order for me?" You glance at him, but not holding your gaze long before looking out the window at passing cars. You feel so stupid asking him to order for you. For fucks sake, you're not a child. And you can't tell if it's worse or better that you know he's going to have no problem ordering for you (or doing anything for you, for that matter). He'd do anything for you in a heartbeat.

A soft, loving smile pulls on his lips before he speaks.

"Of course, my sweet girl. It's no problem at all, you want what you normally get?" He asks and you offer a gentle nod.

If he's being honest, he actually likes you depending on him like this sometimes. Not to say that you need him to do everything for you, because you're more than capable, he would like to add! But, knowing that you're comfortable and trust him enough to be so open with him and ask him to do certain things for you makes him feel so...valuable? Maybe that's not the right word he'd like to use, but he just loves that he can do something for you to make your life easier. Your joy brings him joy.

When the waitress comes back, Harry orders for the both of you. Your heart could explode with the amount of adoration you have for the man sitting across from you. He just... gets it. He gets you.

So, with full bellies and calmed nerves, the two of you make your way back home and get settled in y'all's bed to cuddle for the rest of the night. Sprinkled thank you's and sweet kisses are shared while the two of you share warmth under the dozens of blankets adorning the bed.

"I'm sorry I wasted your day off, H." You whisper out into the air.

Pressing a peck to your shoulder, Harry tugs you to turn so you're facing him. He shakes his head, "Y/N, you didn't waste my day. Always perfect with you." His big hands squeezing lovingly at your waist as if he's trying to transfer his love for you to you.

"Look at me," He says when he catches your eyes cast down at his tattooed chest. "You will never, ever, be a burden, lovie. I know y'feel like you're botherin' me, or everyone, by jus'existing, but you've got it all wrong. Baby, I hate seeing you so anxious, and I know you can't control it, but tha's not gonna stop me from doin' everythin' I can to make you comfortable...and loved."

Your face breaks out in, probably, the biggest grin you've had all day at his assurance.

"I always feel comfortable and loved with you, H."

#Harry Styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fic #harry styles fluff #harry styles x reader #harry styles x y/n #hshq #hs #harry #y/n #fluff #fine line #hs1 #anxiety #writing #1025cherrystreet #fanfic #fanfiction

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bakugouscentedcaramel · 4 years

Text

And they were roommates~

Have y'all ever wondered what it'd be like to live with your favorite boi?

Well wonder no more

Bakugou

Early mornings, but he'll let you sleep in if you yell at him enough, but sleeping past noon won't fly

Surprisingly enough the only routine he really follows is his workout regime

If you can't cook he'll be your chef, but if you can he'll be your backseat critic

He's tidy in his own weird way, so don't question why he puts his deodorant near the front door, he has his reasons

His music tastes are anything and everything metal, from death metal to heavy metal, even some metalstep here and there, but he's not opposed to your music at all

He's a fairly active person so expect to be dragged out to do things around town

He'll try to wind down around 8pm though, meaning TV binges paired with cuddle sessions

Night time is the time where he reflects on everything and anything, meaning sometimes you'll have to comfort his snowballing thoughts

Heart to hearts are honestly what makes the relationship

Midoriya

Early mornings but he tries his hardest not to wake you up when he starts his day, even trying to convince you to go back to sleep

He tries to stick to a routine, he really does but he's forgetful so get used to the sticky notes around the house

He can't cook anything that didn't already come with instructions, but he tries his hardest to cook new things for you and will always be thankful if you grab the reins in the kitchen

He's very tidy when it comes to his things but always asks where to put your stuff/how you organize your things

He doesn't really have a specific taste of music because he only really listens to the radio but he's open to all genres

He leans more on the active side when it comes to activities but he's not opposed to lazy days

He's always making sure that you're happy and tries to ask you if there's anything you'd want to do

Nights are where you can ask him anything and he'll give you an answer without missing a beat, he gets tired very easily

Todoroki

Honestly he flip flops between a morning person and an afternoon person depending on how late he stays up, and how you're feeling

He mostly goes with the flow so if you have a routine he'll most likely adopt your routine

He's a decent cook, you won't go hungry but you'll get tired of eating the same things, so send him the occasional recipe and he'll ask his sister to decipher it

He is the definition of tidy, it's been engraved in his mind ever since he was a kid, but he'll always ask for permission to move anything of yours

Has a second quirk where he knows where anything and everything is in the house at all times

He prefers music that is cheery/calming, whether that be pop, Disney songs, or even the peaceful instrumentals

He's more of a couch potato than you'd think, after his workout routine he'll either relax or go outside and do something

He's always putting your happiness ahead of anything of his, so sometimes he needs to be told to focus on himself

Nights are where he'll reflect on his life as well as whatever tends to pop into his head, so be prepared for random questions at 2am

Denki

He is more cranky than a toddler if he wakes up before noon

He's never heard of a routine, who is she? All he knows is "vibes"

If the food doesn't come with instructions he can't make it, but if you show him a video recipe he'll whip it up in no time

His definition of tidy is vastly different than your definition. If he can find it it's right where it belongs, meaning daily hunts for the TV remote among other things

His music tastes are all over the place, ranging from meme songs all the way to punk rock/alternative, and he's scream singing every song

His default is lazy days all days so if you want to do something be prepared to literally drag him out of the house

He always tries to put a smile on your face and make you laugh at least 3 times per hour

Be prepared for him to stay up at ungodly hours, he'll try his best to keep the volumes down but you might wake up to your phone buzzing because of a meme he sent or him cackling like a hyena at something Sero sent at 4am

#bnha x reader #bnha imagines #bnha heacanons #mha x reader #mha imagines #mha headcanons #bakugou x reader #midoriya x reader #todoroki x reader #denki x reader #*secures crown of scales*

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sunflowerstache · 4 years

Text

Falling pt.2

What do you do when the person you pictured your entire life with, suddenly seems to have fallen out of love with you?

Word count: 3.2k A/N: Hi y'all! We’re back with part 2 AND I'm really happy and excited with this piece! I can’t wait to hear what you think and I just really hope you enjoy! It’s not as action packed, but it is nearly as emotional... and yes, there will be a part 3(:

The beige walls in front of you had always brought you a sense of comfort. It wasn’t because of the trees hiding the inside from any prying eyes, or the welcoming, bright blue door, or even the best chicken avocado blt wrap you’d ever had. It was the simple idea of spending time with the love of your life within the four walls. The four walls that held too many memories count; the release date of Harry’s first album, when you told him about the job at Gucci you’d accepted, Bella explaining what she learned at school, plans for future photoshoots, and talks of the future. It was the kind of place that gave you the chance to experience normality - or the closest you’d ever come to it again. Inside the Beachwood Cafe, you got to just be the Styles family, not the Styles family.

But were you even that same family anymore?

How could you consider yourself the same when things had gone so horribly south since the last time you’d stepped through the door? When you hadn’t seen Harry in five days and that idea alone didn’t make you feel sick. Not once since you first met him, were you okay with being so far from him for more than a day. You always felt your body had a magnetic pull towards him and the second you seperated, it knew something was wrong. But not this time. The second you walked out of your front door, you didn’t feel that pull, that need to go back in and be near him. It was like the invisible string pulling the two of you closer together had been cut the second you saw that magazine cover.

However, you didn’t just have yourself to think of. Long gone were the days that you could stay cuddled in bed all day and wallow in self pity, eating tubs of ice cream, and thinking about all the ways Harry had hurt you. Because the little hands on either side of your face every morning didn’t know what was going on. She didn’t know that the entire world was speculating if you and her father had split up, or that daddy wasn’t actually away for work. All she knew was that the two of you were having a girls vacation at Auntie Steph’s and she missed her dad.

“You can’t avoid him forever, babe.” It was late one night when Steph spoke up, the two of you watching your second film of the night, coated in blankets and a bowl of popcorn nestled between you.

“Steph -”

“You can’t and you know I’m right. You heard what Jeff -”

“Steph I don’t care. I can’t go and sit with him and pretend that he didn’t sit back and just accept that he slept with someone.”

Obviously you knew she was right, there was no way you could stay at her house forever and simply never see him again. Not only was it not logistical - considering your job and your shared daughter - but emotionally you weren’t strong enough for that. Before he was your other half, he was your best friend. He was someone who was always in your corner, ready to give you the pep talk you needed or make a stupid joke to make you laugh. After everything you’d been through, and as hurt as you were,, you knew that you couldn’t cut him out of your life completely.

“I’m not telling you to accept anything, Y/N. I’m telling you that you need to hear what he has to say, and you need to bring your daughter to see her father. What you do after that if up to you, and you know I’ll back you up whatever you decide to do.”

Cher Horowtiz had begun her debate on refugees while you listened to Steph talk some sense into you. Five days was the longest you’d spent apart since becoming a couple five years ago, and you knew in order to either move past this or move past him, you needed to see him.

“So what, I just ask him to meet up for lunch? Like we’re sixteen year olds going on a first date?”

“No, you ask him to meet up for lunch like you’re twenty five year olds who have a lot to discuss.”

Having only sent the message a few hours prior to when you wanted to meet with him,you were a bit surprised that Harry had immediately agreed to lunch. He was right in the middle of creating his second album and the hours of free time he had could almost be counted on one hand, so getting a response only seconds after initially asking was a bit of a shock to you.

Then again, you shouldn’t have been surprised; Harry was never one to put work over family. From day one, he made it extremely clear that he would drop everything if someone he cared about needed him. And you finally responding to him after so long, on top of saying his daughter needed him, was something you should have known would take precedence over whatever he had planned for the day.

“And I have to give him my drawing! You have it right mumma?” Bella’s sweet voice sounded over the bell above the door as you walked into the cafe. She had picked her own outfit to see Harry; a pair of dungarees and a white shirt, her hair tied up in two cute little space buns so that it wouldn’t get in her face all morning.

“Of course I do, love. He’s going to love it.”

There was no guessing as to where Harry would be waiting for the two of you, because it was the same table you’d been sitting at for years. Just to the left of the service counter, was a smaller, more private room filled with tables. It was separated by a large wooden entryway which opened up into the bright yellow room you’d grown to adore. And as soon as you shut the front door, there was no trouble finding him. His head was upright, clear he had snapped it up the moment he heard the bell ring, almost indicating that he had been there for some time and had done the same with everyone who entered before you, and he stared right at you.

“Daddy!” it was a soft shout, her being well aware of not drawing lots of attention to your family, and Bella quickly let go of your hand so she could run towards her father.

In an instant, Harry was at his sliding off of the bench and bending down so she could run right into his open arms. His stood in stark contrast to the yellow wall; a black bottom up and cream colored trousers adorned his body; a look that he had recently grown to love. It was a look that had the fans making comments that left the two of you in hysterics, but also leading them to recreate in their own fashion sense. And it was a look that he was happy and comfortable in, so you enjoyed it.

“Hello little love! I’ve missed you!” you heard him coo into the side of her head once you joined the pair. The room was oddly empty, leaving the three of you to have some sort of privacy while in the bustling business on a Monday afternoon.

“Missed you too, daddy! How was work?!”

The question caught the two of you off guard. Logically, you knew Harry had to have known you told Bella some sort of cover up as to why he wasn’t around, but the look in his eye informed you that he hadn’t even thought about it. His body had stiffened and eyes shot up to meet yours immediately, heartbreak seeping through his lashes.

“It was great, sweetheart.” he replied, pulling back so that he could pick her up. “But never as much fun as being with you.”

“Good. I don’t like when you leave, daddy.”

You swore, it was like the universe was out to make this lunch as painful for you as possible. There was no other reason for why today was the day your daughter decided to be the sappiest version of herself, or why Harry very clearly had tears in his eyes that weren’t noticeable by anyone but yourself.

“I don’t like it either. But doesn’t it make being together so much better?” his voice was thick, and if you had to hear one more second of it, you were going to explode into a puddle of your own tears.

“How about we get some food, huh?” you cleared you throat, earning a concerned look from Harry. “Weren’t you just complaining to me in the car that you feel like you haven’t eaten in six years?” trying to make jokes with Bella to avoid having to talk to Harry wasn’t something you were proud of, but you just needed a few more minutes before you could talk with him like everything was fine. At least until Bella wasn’t paying attention.

“Six years? My god, we need to get some food in that belly then, huh?” Harry feigned shock as you sat down, his arms moving Bella to let him bring her torso up to his face, his cheeks expanding with air so that he could blow onto her belly.

“Daddy!”

“You’re going to vanish with no food! My baby’s starving, we need a grilled cheese stat or she’s going to disappear!”

The two of them together was like watching the sunrise; beautiful and warm. The bond that they shared was stronger than anything you could have ever expected, and hearing them giggle with one another was infectious, a smile spreading to your lips before you could even realize what was happening. But you couldn’t help it. They had so much love shared between them that it made every other problem in the world seem so insignificant.

“How’s Steph?” this time, his attention was pointed at you. The green in his eyes seemed to be glowing in the rays of sun that shined through the window. But that’s where the brightness ended. Unlike the last time you saw him, he had bags under his eyes and his forehead was home to the red bumps you hadn’t seen litter his skin in years. Clearly, this was not what the two of you wanted or needed to talk about, but getting past the awkward initial conversations and making the day comfortable for Bella was the first and foremost.

“She’s good. She has a meeting with some people in Hollywood next week, so she’s pretty excited to start expanding again.”

“Wow, good for her. She stopped by Jeff’s the other day, was having dinner with Cam I think, but she looked good.”

“Oh I - I didn’t know they were - well I should have figured though when she came back with Il Fornaio leftovers.”

“I don’t think it’s anything serious, but they’re funny. Both of ‘em are the weirdest people I’ve ever met so…”

As always, Steph had given you advice that you didn’t instantly regret, and you made a mental note to thank her once you got back to her house. Whether it was because of your mutual need to make sure Bella was none the wiser to what was really happening behind closed or how much you had grown to pretend nothing was wrong, lunch went perfectly. For hours, the three of you sat in the yellow room and enjoyed time as a family. You laughed at the nonsense Bella was spitting, reminiscing on how the last time you were seated at that exact table, you were getting ready to head to New York for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, as well as listening to Harry talk about what kinds of cities he would like to go to on his next tour - whenever he finished his new album. But just as you learned in the recent days, some things that are so unbelievably good, inevitably have their downfall.

“‘M tired, mumma.” Bella had managed to leave Harry’s iron grip after everyone finished eating, and found her spot in your arms; her arms wrapped about your neck while she complained into the soft spot where your shoulders and neck met. Because of your unplanned lunch, she missed her nap for the day, so it was a ticking time bomb until it caught up with her and she either passed out in your arms or had a complete meltdown inside the quiet cafe.

“I know, B. Gonna go back so you can have a cuddle with Mr. Jeff, yeah?”

“Mhm. And daddy will come too, right?”

With her head tucked and hidden in your shoulder, neither you or Harry worried about containing your looks of worry at her comment. Harry because he didn’t know where the situation stood and you because you knew she’d wake up without her dad there.

“Daddy’s really busy, love, so he has to go back to work. But he’ll be back soon.”

Realization spread across Harry’s face at your words, understanding what the meaning behind them truly was, and his gaze fell to where his hands held an empty coffee mug. It seemed that the two of you would make it the entire lunch without bringing dirty laundry up, but now that Bella was fully asleep in your lap, there was nothing holding you back. It was time to have the conversation you so deeply wanted to avoid.

“Harry -”

“I didn’t sleep with her.”

Just as you did some nights ago, he spit out the one thing that was plaguing his mind, unable to hold back the information he was dying to tell you. But if he was going to replay the night that started all of this, you would do the same. So, just as had made no shocked movements at your accusation, you didn’t act shocked at his admittance. Because you weren’t.

“Jeff has videos of me spending the night with him and Glenne. Alone.”

In fact, you knew he was going to tell you exactly that. But hearing it come from his mouth gave you some sense of relief. Because as much as you appreciated hearing it earlier, nothing could compare to hearing it from Harry directly.

“I know.”

“Y/N I swear I can show yo- you know?”

You had to admit, seeing the look of shock cross his face was something you didn’t know you needed. His eyebrows furrowed which caused his eyes to squint, and he simply stared at you, waiting for an answer. But you didn’t immediately do so, instead, you rubbed your hand over Bella’s back in attempt to keep her asleep despite your wild heartbeat.

“Jeff sent them to me a few days ago.”

“A few - a few days ago?” This was one of the reasons you had thought about having this meeting in private; the tone of his voice started to go up at your confession, which you knew would happen. He was someone who couldn’t contain himself when his emotions got the best of him. “And you didn’t think to tell me? You just let me think everything was crumbling while you knew the truth?”

You didn’t have to tell him what you were thinking, because the second he said those words, you knew he knew. That was almost exactly what you had accused him of days ago. Asked him how he could let you think your relationship was one way, when in reality, it was something completely different.

“I didn’t not tell you to spite you, Harry. I didn’t do it to make you feel the same way I did, because we aren’t sixteen and this isn’t just some fling I don’t care about ending.” you worked so hard the entire day to not show the emotions you had bubbling around inside of you. But just as every other time you’d been around Harry, there was no hiding them. He brought out the vulnerable side of you, and the tears couldn’t be kept at bay. “I love you so much, Harry. I don’t think I’ve ever cared about someone the way I do about you. And these last few days… I’ve missed you more than I ever thought possible.”

“So why are we doing this, Y/N? Why are you going back to Steph’s and why are we not fixing this?” his thick voice was pleading, reaching across the table to grab ahold of your free hand. “I didn’t sleep with her.”

“But you thought that you did, Harry. You thought that you had slept with someone else, and lied to me about it.”

“I didn’t lie! I told you that I didn’t know if I did, and that was the truth!”

“I know, but you lied to me every day after that night. You walked around every day thinking that you did something so horrible and vile that I would leave you if I ever found out, so you kept it from me. That’s what hurts, Harry. Not the girl or what you thought you did. The fact that you would rather lie to me than work together and find a solution.”

His mouth hung open and you realized that he had nothing left to say, because he knew you were right. Every minute of your relationship had been built on trust and knowing that you each had the other’s best interests at heart, so what did you have when those values seemed to dissolve?

“Don’t leave me.”

Three simple words made your entire facade crumble. In all five years you’d known the man in front of you, never had you heard him sound so small and scared. And it hurt to know that it was directed at you, but just as you did five days ago, you needed to do what was best for you.

“I’m not. Harry I don’t think I could ever. But I just need some time. A few more days, a month, I don’t know. I just need to get out of the mindset this whole situation put me in, and when I do, we can do this again. But that time, we can leave together.”

It wasn’t ideal and it wasn’t ever how you thought your relationship would go, but it was reality. Sometimes the things you hold dearest in life are tested and the only way to see the light at the end of the tunnel is to go through it. But you had faith in Harry. You had faith that no matter what happened while you apart, that you would find your way back to each other. Because there was no way, after five years together and five as friends, that you would lose each other. He was the one part of fame that you’re glad no one warned you about. The ride the two of you had taken wasn’t something you wanted to be one step ahead of, as living in the moment with him was the happiest you had ever, and will ever be. He was the brightness your life needed.

But that bright, happy, yellow room would forever be tainted with the day you walked away from Harry.

#harry styles imagine #harry styles one shot #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles x you #harry styles x reader #harry styles blurb #harry styles imagines #harry styles one shots #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fan fiction #harry styles fan fic #harry styles blurbs #1dff

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5hfanfiction · 5 years

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a reason to smile in the morning

check out my wattpad @ longer_hours if you wanna se more of my works ! wrote this in like half an hour also and didn’t proofread so have fun !

Camila thinks college is just the best.

So she misses her mom and everything about Sinu’s presence. And she misses her dads bad jokes because let’s face it, hers aren’t any better. And don’t even get her started on how much she misses Sofi and her dogs.

Sure, she gets homesick. But like, she’s only two wish hours away from home. There’s a train on campus that can take her right home. She doesn’t see an issue.

So college is pretty great.

She hasn’t really made a group of friends yet, but she’s never been the type of person to need social interaction. And going to a big school is really nice because she can stay in on the weekends and not have to worry about being that girl that stays in on the weekends.

She went random and ended up with a great roommate, Dinah, who gives her just the right amount of talking to not have to worry about losing all social skills.

And the freedom. That’s her favorite part. There’s like, an hour or two of classes every day and then literally nothing else. It’s amazing. She went from a six hour school day, a seven hour work day, three hours of homework, and maybe some sleep, to two hours of class and then 22 hours of free time. She likes it.

(And she could go on about the food, so she won’t start because this isn’t about that).

(But they have the best cheesy bread in the dining halls omg).

She might’ve been premature saying that the freedom is her favorite part. Camila has always had a tight schedule that she followed, so her favorite part is probably getting to find one here. It’s easier to follow a schedule when you have so much time to fill too, because naps can be a part of it and everything is just so happy.

So, she does basically the same every day.

Wake up. Sleep for a few more minutes. Wake up again. Hit snooze again. Finally actually wake up cause Dinah groans in her sleep meaning the beast a second away from killing Camila.

Throw on some sweats, because like she’d try to look nice, but it’s an 8 am so why bother?

Throw on some socks. Throw on some shoes. Go brush her teeth next to the pretty girl doing her make up in the bathroom. Go back to find a suitable shirt. End up picking a big sweatshirt.

And then class and then nap time.

And it’s nice for a while, following a schedule that allows for so much downtime, but her schedule is the same every day and it doesn’t take long for things to get a little boring. Usually she’d attempt to make more friends but she has some and she doesn’t want to lose the grip she has on them, so Camila does the next best thing to kill time.

She makes a tinder.

Now, Camila has had a tinder before. She’s had many tinders before actually. She has a habit of making one with the goal to hoe it up, then deleting it after like an hour cause she’s bored of boys.

This time though, Camila sets it to girls, cause why not? She’s always been openly bisexual, but boys are so much easier.

She prefers girls but she can’t remember ever not being a nervous wreck around them.

Her first girlfriend was a few years ago. They met at a pride parade and Camila thought she was just the most beautiful thing to exist. A friend gave her an in and Camila somehow got through the nerves and made a move with some shitty pick up line. Although her dorkiness worked, she remembers very vividly having such extreme anxiety that she actually almost called an ambulance cause of chest pains. That girl turned out to be a bit of a biphobic lesbian, and a bit of a psychopath, so that didn’t really help with her nerves.

Her second girlfriend was equally, if not more so nerve-racking. Camila still can’t really place why she’s always the one making the moves if she gets so nervous doing things, but she also knows most girls never do shit and end up flirting for months until an outside source needs to come in.

Her third girlfriend doesn’t exist yet. So tinder might be what she needs to meet someone now that she’s an adult at college and ready for an adult relationship.

She ends up deleting the account three hours later. Not really because she’s bored just because she can’t really imagine ever having a chance with any of the girls she matched with.

Dinah yells at her because if they matched then they’re interested why would Camila not accept that, but Camila is just like, super insecure. Like what if it was an accident?

She had only had the balls to message one girl but she probably hadn’t noticed since the account didn’t exist very long. She never really messages people first but something about this girl was calling out. Camila felt like she had to do something or she’d regret it.

Messaging “hey” probably wasn’t the most attention grabbing action though. She got a reply, just “hey back :)” and like, that’s kind of why she deleted it. This girl was like, not just pretty but pretty pretty. And she looked a little familiar? Camila couldn’t help but feel like the thing was a joke somehow.

So she decides to forget about the pretty girl with the dragon fly tattoo.

Dinah still gives her enough shit to force her to go out that weekend. It’s a Friday afternoon when she finds out Camila deleted it so later that night she finds herself at a sleezy frat party.

The going out lifestyle really isn’t for her though, and she realizes after the third drink spilled on her.

She stays out til 3 am with Dinah and her friend Normani, and although she didn’t like the party scene, she is glad she spent more time with Dinahs friend, she’s intimidatingly pretty but her and Camila really got along once she started talking more.

She’s going a little girl crazy by the time she finally falls asleep.

She spends the weekend telling herself to focus on school. Focus on actually going to the gym and on eating healthy since there are so many options now. She tells herself it’s fine to go over a few months without kissing a girl (is it really?) and she tells herself to just not think about girls.

And by the time someday night hits it has worked out in her head.

Now here’s the twist.

It comes Monday morning.

Camila follows the same routine every day. And when you follow the same routine every day, you’re going to end up seeing the same people every day when you do your things that happen to overlap.

She wakes up. Doesn’t really wake up. Feels Dinah’s threat. Force herself to throw on some socks, some shoes, some pants. and then she goes to the bathroom. And then she brushes her teeth next to the pretty girl who’s doing her makeup.

So she’s seen this girl every day for months now, leaning into the sink putting on eyeliner and she’s had a couple of thoughts passing. Not a lot, because it’s an ungodly hour. One, being that the girl wakes up too early. Two being, hey ! we must have the same scheduled classes!

But now, the only though in her head is that she can’t for the life of her find a reason as to how !!! she missed !!! the dragon fly tattoo on the back of there neck !!

She literally can’t hold in her gasp when she makes the connection. It takes her a second and she figures she must look like that calculating meme thing but she literally gasps and turns as quick as she can to face her own mirror.

It’s a small bathroom, but the girl is three sinks away, but any hope that she didn’t hear the gasp is immediately gone when she turns got glance at Camila, just for a second, then turn back.

She brushes her teeth, probably unhygienically fast, then books it back to her room and gets to class ten minutes early.

She can’t believe this.

She’s been brushing her teeth next to tinder dragon fly girl for months! She hasn’t noticed how perfect bathroom girl is for months! Tinder dragon fly girl and bathroom girl are the same people! Jesus Christ!

So now she can’t get this girl off of her mind.

She tries to, she really really tries not to think about her because it feels creepy, but she can’t help it.

She sees her in the bathroom, and nowhere else. Every single day she sees her in the bathroom.

Are you allowed to pull moves on people in the bathroom? Camila feels like it’s weird to pull moves on someone in the bathroom.

Fuck. Camila is childish too. So it takes everything in her not to start laughing whenever she goes into the bathroom just because of how awkward she feels.

She also wonders if she girl even knows what’s going on in her head. Maybe the same is going on in hers?

She hates that she didn’t see it coming. After thinking about it, it’s probably because she never actually got a good look at the bathroom girl. She had piercings and black hair and she was SO intimidating! How was she supposed to risk a glance at her?

She thinks the girl probably recognized that it was Camila though. She always glances over when the door opens, or at least Camila has seen her from her peripheral vision.

It’s kind of embarrassing. Cause like, she probably only swiped right because she knew her. Camila thinks that’s a thing? Don’t people just swipe right on people they know sometimes? Just to see if they’re interested?

“Yeah, sometimes,” Dinah agrees with a scoff, “but that’s like, with friends. That’s like a joke. You guys don’t know each other. You just see each other every day."

Camila kind of regrets telling Dinah.

"And wait hold up, how come y'all never said anything to each other before? I talk to everyone in the bathrooms, maybe I know who she is?”

“Because Dinah! She’s intimidating! She’s so cool looking I couldn’t-” Camila argues, lowering her voice though because she still has no idea where this girl lives on her floor and she knows how not soundproof the walls are. “I couldn’t risk looking stupid. You know how awkward I get.”

“Hmm,” Dinah agrees, leaning on her desk in thought, “I’ll keep an eye out, but if you can find her, outside of the bathroom of course, I think you should make a move."

"Oh yeah, you know me. That’s totally something I’m capable of,” Camila sighs, making Dinah laugh.

She thinks maybe she could make a move if she figured out who this girl was, or where she was, or how to talk to anyone. But also she can not, because she’s only ever seen this girl in the bathroom (i.e. why she’s called bathroom girl up until now).

So much for her “adult relationship”. Longing after a girl she literally sees for two minutes a day.

She brushes her teeth as quickly as she can for a while and then goes back to the bathroom once the girl is gone to do the rest of her morning routine. Just because Camila knows staying in an awkward place isn’t a good idea, and the longer she spends next to the pretty girl, the higher the chances of her fucking up are.

Camila always gives herself shit for not remembering what it was from her profile. Like why did she not remember her as her name instead of “tinder dragon fly girl”.

She’s tried walking around and looking at doors cause some of them still have tags from the first weeks, but most people have taken heirs down for other decorations by now.

At every floor meeting she sees her, and at every floor meeting she tries her best to be funny but not too obnoxious (one time the girl laughed at her joke, she didn’t see it but she did hear it and she swears an angel got it’s wings).

She finally finds out what room she’s in when she sees her leaving one morning, and the eye contact literally almost kills her. (It doesn’t kill her but it does stunt her long enough for the girl to get away before she can try to catch up and strike conversation). Unfortunately, her door holds no name tag, but on the bright side now she can make up as many excuses to walk by the door as possible.

Camila is a bit of a mess over it for a while, but then she gets busy, she gets sick, she gets stressed, and then. the semesters over and she still hasn’t done shit.

She works over break, tries to not think about girls, or one girl. Doesn’t do a lot. Doesn’t think about school too much either.

“You’ve got to be kidding,” Camila says under her breath incredulously as she enters the bathroom for her 8 am months later only to be greeted by the tinder-bathroom-dragon tattoo girl.

What are the odds, that once again, the only person that has to be up at this hour is the only person she can’t really stop thinking about.

(She has stoped thinking about her, really because she felt a little creepy at a certain point she forced herself to stop. But she just knows this is about to throw her into a downward spiral.

She tells Dinah about it, seeking advice but only receiving laughter, uncontrollable laughter. So she turns to her older, wiser friend Ally, and Ally is convinced making a move in the bathroom wouldn’t be weird at this point.

And also agrees with Dinah that Camila is a huge pussy if she doesn’t do anything at this point.

(Camila still doesn’t get why it’s up to her but whatever.

They have a floor meeting to introduce new people on the floor, that’s when she finally gets it.

She’s leaning in, Dinah’s leaning in, and Lauren is her name.

“I’m Lauren, I use she/her pronouns,” she says, picking at a loose thread on her jeans and Camila doesn’t mean to react noticeably but Lauren’s voice is so beautiful and her face is so beautiful and Camila thinks that making her smile would be so beautiful and she almost tries to talk to her but Lauren dips from the meeting as soon as she gets the chance.

So now Camila is like, hooked.

Once again, she has every morning with Lauren in the bathroom. Which anyone who lives in dorms knows, the odds that you’re going to see someone that many days both semesters is not likely! Camila is convinced it’s a sign for her to get her shit together and do something.

And she’s trying to! She goes to fill her water up like five times a day now that she knows Lauren’s room is next to the bubbler. And she goes to the laundry room to “check for empty machines just sos he can walk by more. And she sits in the lounge for hours just in case Lauren decides to be the bold one.

But nothing works!

Sometimes she sees her in the line at dunkin’, but that’s almost as bad as the bathroom considering the size of the line she’d have to wait in.

Something in her changes at this point though and she decides to be less stressed and more appreciative. This girl is so pretty, and intimidating but honestly seems really nice if Camila ever grew a pair. And Camila has decided the butterflies in her stomach are nicer than not having anyone to feel this way about. So instead of stressing, she takes a minute to adjust and then decides she wants this girl in her life more. She thinks she’d make things really happy.

Plus she thinks it’d be a really cute story for when people ask how they meet.

She learns in psych about how associating certain things with certain things can make certain things more or less appealing, so Camila stops wondering why waking up is becoming easier.

She makes plans in her head, she thinks of any other possible ways to go about this, but somehow her mind is made up for her one random morning.

She wakes up, goes back to sleep, wakes up, actually gets up,

She never really let herself look at Lauren, mainly because she was afraid of what that eye contact would do to her. But for some reason today she risks a look.

And she’s so so so so flawless, so beautiful, so gorgeous that it doesn’t take more than second for Camila’s plans to fly right out of her head and the words to fly right out of her mouth.

"Um, I’m sorry this might be weird…” Camila starts, and the girl turns, wide eyed at the fact that Camila is actually talking to her, “I just, I try to make it a rule not to make a move on someone in the bathroom, but would you ever wanna do something other than brush our teeth together?"

And Camila was wayyyy right, tinder girl, bathroom girl, Lauren’s smile is so so so much more beautiful than her mascara face.

#UPDATE #one shot #AU #camren #romance fluff #submission #a reason to smile in the morning

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kingdeku-queentoga · 5 years

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Lincoln darkness chapter 3

Lincoln woke up to the sound of someone calling his name, he groan and sat up "someone call me" he asked as he heard moving in his room

"Good morning Lincoln, it is time for you to go to your appointment to help you get used to the basics of not being able to see" the doctor said making Lincoln nod in understanding "I will take you to the room so you can get started" he finished making Lincoln nod his head again as he had helped Lincoln up.

The two had walked though the hallway which Lincoln only could hear noise, while he had to rely on the doctor hand on his back to guide him.

After a bit of walking the doctor had spoke up "we are here, I will leave you with the person who is going to help you" he said making Lincoln nod as another voice had started to talk.

"Hello Lincoln" a soft voice said "my name is Amelia and I going to help you today" she said as she took Lincoln hand and lead him into the work area.

After hours of working with occasional breaks Lincoln had somewhat learn how to walk with a walking stick and knew how to count slightly but he would need a lot more practice.

"Now Lincoln your parents and sisters are here to get you, so please come with me" Amelia told as she place her hand on Lincoln back while Lincoln had used his walking stick to help, seeing that he may as well get as much practice with it as much as possible.

"Lincoln!" Lincoln heard his sisters called out to him before he felt arm's wrapped around him tightly, he had wrapped his arms around whoever he could.

"Hey guys, how ya been" Lincoln smiled a bit.

"We was worry about you all night dude" Luna said making Lincoln smile and rub the back to of his neck.

"I told you all that I will be fine" Lincoln told his sister's with a happy smile.

"How can you be so happy Lincoln, you are blind for crying out loud" he heard Lynn asked him madly.

Lincoln had chuckled softly "there is no point in being upset because it won't solve or help anything, so I may as well try to make the best out of this by accepting what happened" Lincoln had explain.

There was a moment of silence before a hand had placed itself on top of his head, making Lincoln flinch a bit because he wasn't ready for it but calmed down as the hand had rubbed his head "heh I guess you really are the most matured out of everyone" he heard Lori said making him smile.

"Thank you, that mean a lot" Lincoln said with a small chuckle as he felt the hand move from his head.

"Lincoln, bubby" Lincoln heard his dad call out to him making him nod, letting him know the he had his attention "you will have to come back for a set amounts of appointments until me, your mother, and the doctors are sure you are getting used to this" Lynn. Sr told him, making him nod again.

"Alright cool, can we go now cause I want to go back home" Lincoln asked his parents.

"In a second Lincoln, we just going to talk to the doctors real quick" Rita said as Lincoln had nodded and hear footsteps walking away for them, there was moments of silent for awhile as he could hear faint talking but couldn't make anything out.

"Already buddy we can go home now" his dad called outside as their parents walked to their kids and they had started to lead Lincoln out while he started to use his cane.

There was an silence as everyone had walked out of the building, making Lincoln stop and everyone had stopped as well because he didn't hear anymore footsteps "guy's stop it, all because I can't see that don't mean I am any different" Lincoln told everyone "leni I can still model for you, Luna I can still play guitar with you, Lucy we can still try to contact to dead, luan even though I can't see I can still hear your stand up, now I know I can't do what I normally do with everyone but we can find something else, we can do together. So don't start treating me differently" Lincoln told everyone, he heard his family sigh.

"We are sorry Lincoln, it just... Things are going to be different and hard to get used to for awhile" Rita said making Lincoln sigh and nod.

"Trust me, I know..." Lincoln told her as she had lean down and hugged Lincoln as he hugged her back, not long after he felt a bunch of arm's wrap around him.

"Well isn't that just adorable~ a real tear jerker~" A voice laughed quietly making the family break apart and see who had said that.

The louds had looked at a girl who look like she could be just a year older than Lynn standing in front of them, she wore a black long sleeve shirt and black jeans but she didn't have any shoes on and her eyes was closed while she started to hum quietly to herself "who are you and what you want" Lori asked the girl making her smile and a laugh bit.

"I want to talk to him" she said pointing to Lincoln, making his sisters look at her.

"What do you want" Lori asked again as the she had just kept smiling as she ignored her

"Heh hey boy, do you want to see again?" The girl ask Lincoln making the sisters glare at her.

"If this is a joke then it not funny" luan told her.

"I not talking to you, I talking to him" the girl said waiting for an answer "so do you?" She asked him again.

"yeah, I do" Lincoln told her making her smile

"Then let's get down to business" the girl said with a chuckle as she opened her white clouded eyes, making everyone but Lincoln gasp in shock and their eyes widened.

"Y-you are blind..." Luna said making the girl nod.

"My whole life" she smiled at them "sorry to cut this short but it about time I got going, I just wanted to talk to him before I went home, so look... Do y'all know where the Royal Woods park is" she asked any one of them.

"Yeah, we do" Lincoln said making them look at Lincoln.

"Good then tomorrow, meet me there at... 1 in the afternoon, I will help you start seeing again kid" she laughed quietly as she turned around and started to walk away.

"...Why are you doing this and how can you help me see if you are blind yourself" Lincoln asked her making her stop and laugh quietly.

"...You remind me of a friend, kid. A good person who put other people needs before their own at times... So that why I want to help you" she chuckled softly "as for how I can help you, I will explain tomorrow, see ya there... well maybe or maybe not, that for you all to decide" she said as she walked off.

"Oh and my name is Violet, you better not forget it" Violet called out as she continued to walk away, the louds had watched her before looking at each other then at Lincoln who had no idea of what just happened.

After everyone had gotten into the car, there was a long car ride home as not a lot of things was done in the car due to the fact everyone was trying to process everything that took place.

The louds had returned home, everyone had gotten out of the car and Lincoln was the last to get out as he used his walking stick to help him feel around as he could feel everyone eyes on him "y'all are doing it again" he told them.

"Come on linc, let us help you" Luna told him.

"Luna is right honey, just let us help you get around a little bit" Rita said making Lincoln sigh a little and nod.

"Okay but just for a little bit" Lincoln told them "but not everyone just whoever is around atm" he told them.

"Understood" his family said making Lincoln nod.

"Now can someone help me to my room" Lincoln asked anyone.

"I-i will" Lisa said making everyone look at her and making Lincoln smile and nod.

"Thank you Lisa" Lincoln said as she slowly took his hand and lead him inside and upstairs to his room all while avoiding anything that Lincoln had bump into.

"Here..." Lisa said as she had lead Lincoln to his bed before letting go of his hand.

Lincoln had sat on his bed "thank you" he said before he clear his throat "can you touch my hand real quick" he said as he held out his hand, waiting for her to touch it.

Lisa had looked at him before she had touch his hand "what now?" She asked confused.

"Got ya" Lincoln smiled he had quickly reached down and grabbed Lisa and picked her up, making her let out a little yell but stop as Lincoln had pulled her into a tight hug "I can hear how tired you are Lisa, so I know you haven't slept in awhile so go get some rest" he said as he felt her shake her head.

"Not until I fix this" Lisa told him making him frown.

"No, Lisa you need your rest. You of all people should know the risk of working while you are tried" Lincoln told her making her shake her head again "I not going anywhere, I'm also not rushing you either Lisa... I don't want my sight back only to see you nearly dead from you over working yourself" Lincoln said making Lisa push herself away from him, so she could stand on her own feet again.

"I don't get it! Why aren't you mad at me! Yell at me or something, because of me you might never see again so why are you so forgiving to me!" Lisa yelled at him as tears had streamed down her face "why Lincoln... Please tell me why" she finished making Lincoln frown

"Because I know you would never do anything to hurt us, not me, not Lily, and anyone else. You are a good person Lisa" Lincoln told her "and just like I said back at the hospital, me being mad won't help solved anything so there no point because I don't want anyone to make you feel bad about this... It was just a accident" Lincoln finished.

"B-but you could of had died..." Lisa whispered.

"Lisa I'm not going anywhere, not for a long time" Lincoln told her as he had reached down and felt for her before he had grabbed her and picked her up "beside you had gotten you and Lily out of harm way and that all that matter to me. Even if I was hurt, I'm glad everyone else was okay" he finished as he had hugged her, he had slowly felt her hug him back.

"Lincoln... I don't even think I will ever understand you" Lisa said making Lincoln laugh quietly.

"Heh come on, time to sleep" Lincoln said making her jump a bit.

"I can sleep on my own, you know" Lisa said making Lincoln rub her head.

"I know but this way I can make sure you go to sleep, plus awhile back I had read that scientists had said that physical contact can deepen two people bonds" Lincoln smile while Lisa had looked up at him, a small smile made it way across her face.

"I see you did some research" Lisa said making Lincoln chuckle soft while she had laid her head down on his chest, listening to his heart beat, her eye growing heavier with each beat of his heart "s-sleep well... L-lincoln" she said quietly as she had fell asleep.

"Heh yeah... Sleep well" Lincoln said quietly as he had kept his eyes closed, it was kinda difficult but he had soon fell sleep as well.

The louds had watched from Lincoln doorway as a smile was on everyone face, Rita had reached into the room and closed the door, keeping it cracked open just a tiny bit while everyone had went to their own room, Lynn Sr. and Rita had took Lily with them to their room

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i-am-the-gay-shit · 5 years

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GOOD MORNING YOU BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE!

Or afternoon... or evening... Where ever you are!

I just want to take time to thank all of you. Your messages, asks, and just simple liking/reblogging of my posts make me so happy. I've had a few people come up to me in the past week and even ask to translate some of my Fanfictions to share with more people... That kind of stuff makes me so fucking happy. That people would spend their own time to try and make my work available to non-english speaking people.

And just thank you to everyone who takes time to ask me things, send me headcanons, talk to me, and like my stuff. It really means the world to know that there are people who enjoy me being here, even of we're miles apart. Y'all are truly amazing and important to me.

#Tumblr Family, you've brought me great happiness in a time I've truly needed it <3

Where ever you are: Have an amazing day, Enjoy your evening, or Have the sweetest dreams<3

#thank you #to everyone #i love ya'll #tumblr family #i'm so thankful to you guys #ya'll make life worth living #and fanfiction easier to write

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whimsically-ominously-auspice · 4 years

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One morning I awoke early

I often slept on the couch at Bobbys. If I fell asleep in my room or he carried me there, I often went back to the living room.

.....******......******

I had a tiny room but it was good enough and Bobby made it real nice, taking my stuff from the big house. But it reminded me of my old life. My life where people left me.

My dad went to the Navy SEALS and has special missions he couldn't take me on. He knew Bobby and I did better work on our own. My mom was murdered and I was stupid enough to demand to be taken to the scene of her and her two friend's dead bodies.

Jesse went crazy and his wife went Lulu. Both left, Jesse after he threw me out into the streets. So i didn't like my old bedroom stuff. Id like my bed again when my dad came home to visit and i saw him sleep in it a couple times so i knew he was alright. That would be fine then.

Bobby had washed the sheets and blankets and they smelled all new again and I couldn't smell my dad. There wasn't a quite distinct scent but more of a feeling... It was still there but was covered in the snuggle fabric softener and tide. The smell wss distracting. Good but not my dad.

I freaked at Bobby about it and he said it was fine, he still had the bedding from my dads bed. So I used his old army wooly not so soft but itchy scratchy with a hint of softness under... Like my life... Id carry it back and forth from my room. Bobby was kind enough, if he moved my sleeping body to cover me with the obscene fabric.

He warned me though that my dad had asked him specifically to wash it and he told me "if your dad wants to beat me up because i didn't you will have to protect me"

When my dad was due to arrive, i left the front door open and put a nightlight in my room so he could see for the bed to get dressed and go to sleep. Like an adult i thought. But my dad thought like a parent.

I thought I heard him creep in, drop his bag and say "finally I am home!"

But I dreamed about him coming home so many times I wasn't sure he did. "I guess ill use the bathroom then go on in to sleep"

Uh huh good one dreaming that one is new, I thought. I heard the light flick on and saw the light fill the hall, so I sat up in case he wanted to get something to eat, Bobby always did but rarely did my dad. But it was a new house and life was certainly different with Bobby. Honest. Small and I was left alone a lot. So I rarely played. Just watched the cars drive by, watch their patterns repeat. In the afternoons I'd sit on the porch and watch the other side of the street while I had lunch in case anyone worried, i sure did. And they could see me do it, too. Often I ate something normal like a bowl of ravioli.

........***,,,,,,&----''

Some hobag came a few times looking for Bobby "oh honey Bobby ain't home, his car ain't here"

I got up in went in the house. I didn't say anything to her. It wasnt her business. Her life. Wasn't mine and we didn't need no women ruining it. Yeah it was small but big enough for 3 or 4 more people. But Hell no. Not her. Not some bitch to tell me what to do or what I already knew. I banned Bobby from seeing her. Didn't stop him from going over and fucking her a few times. But we had long deep talks about romance in our life and how it wasn't happening. Mostly me to him. "Just give her a try. I did I kind of like her"

"Lets see her house. Lets go over when she ain't home" we did. "Sit down Bobby. Is this where you wanna live? You wanna live like this? Look at this stuff. Does she even dust? We would die in here. Not only do you have to clean after me and you And sometimes your brother but also her everyday. You wanna clean after this pig?"

"Alright let me look"

He looked at the kitchen stove. Noted some spots needing cleaning. Looked around. I could tell he was willing. The bathroom light flicked on. "Yuck. Oh alright honey I can clean that up after you. We all got to use the toilet Any way. What did you do to the sink!?!?! Lets go see the laundry..."

My heart was pounding. This was my only go to. I hoped to god this would get her out our lives but I had a feeling...

He came rushing down the hall... "Lets go" head down. Job done.

"But Bobby no!"

At the door he said strict "lets go right now! Get the hell out of here!"

"Yes!!! Bobby! Yes!!!!" I jumped up and ran to the door with glee. That was a this place is a dangerous dump demand. But sometimes he made a plan to go back in. Those times he strolled. This one he walked so fast i thought he had to take a massive water shit. He pulled his keys from his pocket and opened his car door. "Huh?!?! Bobby what you're gonna chase after her?!?!!? We aren't dressed for church besides she just goes to the bar!"

"Get in the fucking car!! We are out of here!!"

Last time I saw that look on his face was when he said I couldn't go to my mom's crime scene of her dead body. But this time. This was a celebratory moment.

$$$@$$$$$@$$$$@$$$$

My dad and Jesse overruled and I got in the car and rolled into a ball. "See? She can't handle it!" So when he got in. I climbed up into the front seat. Fixed the collar on his shirt, pulled his seat belt on and leaned against him, hugging his arm. "You don't want mom to see you looking dirty" so he directed the rest of the car to clean up. "I know shes dead but she has eyeballs and the rest don't. She will tell her evil friends on you then what? They will want to have sex with the dirty boys!"

Jesse messed his hair up a bit and my dad told him fix it...

"Not my mom Jesse. The other ones"

"I know"

"They're dead"

"Not for long"

Bobby who was disgusted angry turned back in,his seat.. Realizing the Zulululu already stole Jesse and took a look at my dad... Whom he looked like he was crunching numbers with every grind of his teeth.

I poked his side with my feet then put them on his leg "hey who are you?"

He poked my foot in a way only he did. Under the covers to remind me not to kick him in the face.

"Huh?! What?! I wasn't even paying attention. Who do you think put my wife there? Do you know? Jesse what's going on with you? I missed the conversation but i feel the car tension has something to do with you"

Jesse rolled down a window. Then Bobby then my dad. We went with wind blown hair. "Don't worry. My mom likes the look. Calls it sexy. Wind blown marketing should always be a thing she's always said. It's alright y'all, lets go see"

We started to walk... "Really she says the air conditioner is too cold but likes the wind chill factor with high winds."

"Did" reminded bobby, trying to rush ahead to block me. Like I wasn't only 2 and didn't use my size to my advantage. Mental note: avoid bobby, to through the legs of the others. Bobby would block me and squish my head. He's done it before. But the feeling of fear in the crowd led me back to Bobby and i got squished "hey! You'll mess my hair! Dad hurry! Can you pick me up!" I let my foot drag out to get bobby back cause that was a mad heavy thigh squish and it actually hurt.

"Don't kick bobby. Come over here. Yeah yeah ill carry you since Bobby didn't want you to come And tried to squish your brain meat out like you're a cadaver. Yeah yeah I know. I saw. Bobby can't handle it all since his wife died. It's only been 3 years. Haven't you ever noticed you only eat men and never any woman?"

I hadn't realized that it wasn't only men in the government program. I just thought women didn't die as often...

I looked back at Bobby and i saw him as a man whom had a life before me. Something I knew but hadn't realized had impacted him so thoroughly. I guess we both had something in common.

Loss.

And it was written all over his face.

I never saw it that way. I always saw it as patiently waiting.

When I waited i thought nothing. Felt clear sunshine. The birds singing and life dancing.

A cloud moved and put Bobby into the sun. He walked out of it and into the shade with a tint of annoyance.

I never would have moved. Just bathed in the sun until i burned. I never saw a difference before. Bobby used to cry a lot at our house. Mom would always say "he's different than us" I had known his wife had died but I never did understand. I knew what different meant. But Bobby was my friend.

But now I saw. Bobby and i, we didn't see the world the same

"He doesn't want you to know how he feels, he's scared. He doesn't want to lose you and or me. So don't just mind him"

"He can't see like me. He doesn't like the sun or th3 birds chirping. I bet he can't even build a sand castle"

"Sabrina what the hell are you talking to me about? Is Bobby dark and demented?"

"He doesn't like the sun burning his skin and I do" I whispered...

Bobby hasn't been in my life a long time. While I still like the heat, I don't like the reminding burn. I don't like the pain. I've had enough. I can't take anymore. Bobby was 22... I was older than him.. It began in my face... I couldn't handle my face being burnt. I was 23. Now I can't handle my arms or legs and that's been 5 years And more.

I was 7 when I couldn't handle multiple places burnt. My back and shoulders, face, and arms.

Only one place, no more.

.... ..... .... .....

I ran around the car feeling the worried face on my look but th3 joy and cheer still in my heart. I trusted Bobby and I knew him like th3 back of my hand I could piece it altogether.

I jumped in with enthusiasm. "No, no you dont have to put your seat belt on. Im not like your parents only when your intuition says."

Bobby is different now. He always puts his seat belt on. If i can get away with it. I don't. But I have my daughter and all other kids buckle up. However when I'm stressed or extra happy I buckle up automatically. Barbara, Heathers mom taught me that one. "Don't want stress to kill you. And don't want to lose your life on the happiest day of"

Plus then evil has no idea of what kind of day you're having.

"Well then Bobby where the Hell are we going? I feel I should be holding something. A bear or something" I looked out the window "you sure are going fast" I looked in Bobbys always immaculate clean car, hoping he might have something "there there a newspaper, that might work" I held it like a bouquet of flowers, thinking how we had ran errends for my mother's funeral.

"We're going to change your mother's last name to Jennings for the news paper so her in laws can take note. Is that alright with you?"

"These flowers sure are pretty. But how are they going to know?"

"They might not. But at the same time, they may. So we will see."

"Hmm idk. No. I don't want any candy"

"Ok"

He just drove past the mini-mart where Matt Hagan's dad used to work. The sun shining brightly upon it, saying we needed to still go

"But hey weren't you going to get a coffee?"

"Yep. Hold on to that thing" And he grabbed a vase. Sometimes it seemed he talked to himself out loud. Gave him self commands and orders. I'd learn they weren't for just him. But also for me and him. I found that out when I spilled his coffee a different day and I expected him to grab it, not realizing his hands were full with a sandwich and a steering wheel. "What do you want me to do let us die so I can just hold my coffee!?! I have a sandwich, too" he wasn't mean. And he didn't yell. But I cried. I felt so bad for spilling his coffee. Maybe I hadn't had enough sleep or enough food. Maybe I hadn't told Bobby enough truth so he could protect me from his brother. I remember I didn't just have a stressful leak, I had a full out bawl. And he said he hadnt seen me cry like that since my mother died and I cried into her flowers and told him nothing was wrong, he had just forgot his coffee.

I wanted to tell him what his brother did. Why I closed and locked the door at night so he couldn't come in. Why I checked all the rooms to make sure I didn't lock his brother in. I needed to sleep and my brain was getting foggy.

"You need sleep?"

I nodded and trudged to the couch. Found him cleaning the car floor "you need help?"

"No. You need to go back to sleep. You just woke up I can tell. I know there's been something wrong with you. You've been safety sleeping and I don't know why. And you need to tell someone the truth. No you can go to sleep in my bed or in yours but stay off the couch and that's an order okay? Do you hear? Now come here and give me a hug if you want to"

Safety sleeping is 20 minutes to an hour every hour and half to three hours. On average.

So he tickled me and made me giggle and asked if I wanted to sleep or help him clean

"Sleep was made for me! Much better than cleaning!" It was a made up saying for the neighbor next door... Why her room was such a disaster. He shook his head and blushed and told me to go on and he would talk to me later.

That gross gut feeling came in and I saw a Jupiter on a bike riding to Bobby to warn me ego was cunning I ran back to Bobby, "if your brother comes over dont let him in! Okay for me! We are going to have to eat him! And it's one of those blah blah blah feelings when you're cooking and tastes better and head cleaner when it's all gone"

"A raper? Alright I'll tell him we're moving and to get his stuff, ill get a new car from storage. Don't c worrythis one's not ruined."

I didn't have to tell him what his brother did and he understood. And he could protect me appropriately.

I hugged his neck "okay? And I'm sorry! And I might be wrong okay, I just can't have him around me when I'm safety sleepin' on"

"No I've always knewn. It was before my wife died. But he still keeps coming around so I let him, although I've known I've hated him for years. But raping. That one is new. He must have just started it"

"Uh huh. Yeah and on me. He didn't put it in me though but he got creamy and on my dads blanket so I cut out all the pieces that were wet with three scissors. Not a knife nor the bouy. I love you though and c you'll always be like my dad" I hugged him again ahs kissed his cheek. Paused to watch a car pass.

"Why do you always watch the cars, Sweetie?"

"You never know when they'll need me. And I'm missing two. I haven't seen them yet all week"

He looked startled. "Do you want to go look for them?"

"No I want to get sleeping. They been waiting v all week anyway. i learned that with my "mom and me." Rush around around to get to Iraq after 10 weeks only to find out c you hate the bitch."

He shook his head and laughed

I was playing with a cat from the neighborhood. I'd always put it on the porch then offer it to go in, it never did. But it knew it was welcome as a safe place to go and visit. Sometimes it would meow at the door to remind me it was lunch time and time to go out and watch the streets. He would lay and purr and I'd pet him while on my watching shift. Sometimes I'd take him in and wrap him in my dads blanket like a baby. Those were days I didn't feel so good. Depressed and sleepy they'd say. And I'd fall asleep with my adult baby cat all Heathcliff style in my arms.

It was patient and kind and didn't at all mind. I guess he needed somebody as much as I did. He'd close his eyes and sleep if I moved he opened them wide until I settled. When Bobby came home the cat would leap out and run out the door to go back where it was loved.

One time a big black van tried to cat nap him. He was my working cat. And that shit was not acceptable! He worked hard and for what!? Just a few pieces of human jerky and snuggles and hugs? I ran outside barefoot and fought the 5 guys in the gravel loose rock street. Bobby took out a shot gun and did a blast to the air. "Come on lets go!"

I saw another guy with the same gray army blanket as my dad with the cat wrapped in get in the back seat. I jumped and dove in "get me my cat! I need it back!!" I started hitting them with my hands. He dropped the cat and blanket. The cat ran out and jumped on the back of a seat, saw it was all clear and ran out. Waited and looked at me.

"Oh alright I'm coming, but I'm stealing this blanket! I had to cut all holes in it for perverts like you touching me and it! I hope you burn in Hell one day sir, you stupid fool" I heard laughing as they shut the door to drive off. At seeing Bobbys face I dropped the Blanket. Why? Why did I just do that? To the people most important to him!? Over a cat!? I must have scared himto death!

He went over to pick it up "oh don't worry about me! I had the driver pinned up along the side. He didn't like having a shot gun. Under his chin and being punched in the chestand gut."

"Oh okay but are you okay? You didn't get your knuckles bruised or anything?"

"No they're alright. We're getting you a dog. I'm checking the newspaper tomorrow"

"If that's okay with kitty. I'll go ask" he rubbed his body in between my legs, I picked him up and looked in his eyes "a dog! Do you know what that is!?" I walked over to Bobby "dad idk if he really knows can you check?"

"Dad?" He looked behind him. I didn't usually call him dad but I just had a feeling... I saw hiseyes look sad like my dad's. Bobby is usually about food and stuff and getting my room ready and laundry but a dog!?! That's a dad thing. And kitty only came in the house if I ate a piece if a steak of my mom that morning then I wrapped the car like a baby Heathcliff so maybe three Doug would be like a son to him. The cat it was like a doll that purred. That was all. A doll to me. Like company cause the cat sometimes watched TV then went to sleep... But I tried not to get attached. Sometimes he was busy and didn't come to see me but when he did, I was grateful. I didn't hate to be alone but that was my Bobby. Even if he hated me, He still loved me because he had to. But that cat? That cat came by choice. Alright. Alright, I did feed it. But even it liked ravioli made by Chef Boyardee. And it still hung around after lunch, then by 3 or sometimes even 2 or 1 and a half in the deepheart of summer and it was too hot to be outside. We would go inside and it would come with me by choice. Bobby always said "never pickup an animal and take it inside unless it's being chased by a storm or hurt by a car"

So I didn't! Really hot days I put a plastic covered popsicle in the bathroom sink for kitty to lick and cool off with. Then a always took some human jerky to share on the sofa

Sometimes not in winter I had to vacuum off the sofa when I saw Bobby in his black uniforn with cat furballs stuck to his back. Then I would put my blanket in the dryer with the clean old baby shoes to beat the hair out.

And in winter I had would rush to put the cat bowl or water in the sink. So bobby wouldn't kick it over and complain. He liked to watch TV and deink so he had to have it in a certain spot or ue wouldn't drink! Right by the sink. Exactly right in the mess of Bobbys walking pathway.

"Why don't you put the water on the table honey that way the cat can see and drink"

"You told me not to retrain him -- any animal that walks into our house that's not ours and he has another home. I don't feed him. Only snacks. 2 ravioli and some slices of jerky we share"

"Let me see how much"

"Just these pieces on the jar on the counter. That's why I asked you to put it next to this sink so I could reach it easy. See? I just go like this on this chair and lean across and dangle. Get my shirt all wet if you forget"

"You could go the other way"

"That's no fun. And kitty doesn't mind. He just sits right here and watches then jumps over to my seat and Waits for me to pick him up in my blankie. Huh don't you kitty? Oh he thought we were gonna get him a treat. Could you get him one?"

"Alrightie"

"Here you get this strip" I ripped off a narrow piece of human jerky about 3 inches long and put it in his mouth. He grabbed it with both paws like a baby does a bottle and nibbled.

Bobby was awestruck, "let me look at this thing." I handed him over. "No wonder you dove in after this thing. It's like your baby" he turned off the tv and watched cat look around then turn it back on and kitty went back to nibbling happiky. "Let me see this thing that had to be a fluke" he turned off the tv again and the cat reached out and slapped his cheek. Then closed his eyes like I'm gonna kill this bitch if he don't stop. "Well look at that he slapped me! Does he do this to you?÷?!"

"No I don't turn the tv off on him. Sometimes I change the channels but that's to watch Ma Vida that's in Spanish but its a home cooking show but I can follow along so I can help you when you come home and we are cooking and you're bored of the same old thing--"

"I --- what?!?!?÷"

"Then usually when Mazda Vista comes on after, he gets drowsy and usually he's asleep by the time its over"

"But that's a realtor show!!"

"I know and but I like it here, don't worry. Its small but not too small."

"Its a travel trailer with boxes attached to it! We can't even drive it! Its been,destroyed÷ and it leaks!"

"But that's okay. Me and kitty like it. I have a feeling,he has a bigger house down in the middle. Oh lookie he's sleeping. Here lets move his thing. I just put it down here in front of him. He's had a hard day being kidnapped and everything."

"He slapped me because he wanted to watch tv and couldn't then went to sleep!?!?!"

"Well yeah. Lets watch Mazda Vista"

I don't know what it was with the show. It made me want to look out the window to watch the highway and see the patterns. Out that way i was missing four but two more were added and that i knew was not good. After today I'd probably have 3 more and usually they drifted away and quit coming again only to come again sporadic then again some other times also when I was losing other people.

....

So they finished loading and seemed to be looking at me so I spun to my back against the wall. Then slid down and looked out around the curtain. Were those guns? Yup. Pointed at me. Only two years old. Maybe I shouldn't pretended to be Bobbys height by standing on the cushion side of the coffee table.

Bobby was still asleep, the cat really must had knocked him out. That's happened to me too some ladies claiming to be from church, me holding the cat, I remember hearing them after I woke up from my nap and seeing their pamphlets about God wanting me, tucked in the door and on the floor

...... ....

It made me scared. I felt stark white and I saw the cat staring at me from the couch. I checked the clock. It wasn't time to wake up from his nap yet. It was half past two, not nearly 3. Just one notch past the half, that meant 35. 2:35 Bobby would say. I thought the cat would be purring or pacing back and forth, but it was just there in the blankie. Looking.

I ran to him "oh kitty! That was so scare! I think I'll shut the door for the rest of today, at least until my Bobby gets home!" Kitty closed his eyes to sleep and I knew it was the truth of what to do. "Okay Kitty I even locked it. No don't worry I know he will need his key and today is Wednesday so he will probably have his groceries. I mean groceries for like you and me, then I'll go and open it. Usually I hear his car so I know it's him... Kitty went to sleep and so did I. Later I felt paws on my face. "Huh? What? What? Oh is he?! Oh do you know his car sounding too? Oh you are too good kitty! Too good! Come on lets go see! Hold on. No. I feel something else is out there lets wait till we hear full Bobby on the porch. What do you mean meow? You think we should not wait? I guess. Yeah yeah you're right, what if... He could be in danger too. If he is... But right now I want to hold you but if I can't ill have to put you down. I have a feeling it will be okay. I'll just open the door. Yeah I know I'm just peeking. So bobby always told me the strongest part of us is our feet when standing at the door so always remember that. Yeah I know. Tells, but he hasn't told me in awhile so Is it told still? Yes but not always told because he's not dead yet. I'll have to ask Bobby. That was too many words in a row. I need a comma or something and I sure couldn't hear it in my head. Idk why I can't see Bobby. Oh I can see his shadow!" A Jupiter turned to look at me "Oh I can see those men! Can other people see them kitty?"

I was busy looking out and i felt his two paws on my face and then I looked at him and saw that he and nodded and closed his eyes then I saw some Hell. "In their sleep? In their nightmares?" The cat snuggled down and purred but this time I felt it was laughing.

I looked out and Bobby kept saying no and shaking his head. "Im sorry no. I'm not going to. Then You tell her!"

"Oh I think I know what it is." I grabbed the phamplets off the stereo stand and went outside and just stood

"Did they get you?"

"No the cat saved me. You mean the ladies right?"

"Did you get a good look at them?"

A Jupiter turned to me and apologized saying how they didn't know if I knew and just wanted to speak to Bobby about it. But my pale face left knowledge that I knew. He ruffled my hair.

"These 3 ladies came to the door. The other soulmate looked for me and they tried to get in with a screwdriver but they couldn't. They heard the cat scream and car doors opening and shutting. They said "oh shit!" And took off in their car. A silver Mercedes-Benz and the meanest one was driving. They weren't all thin but close enough their license plate number was C3J4alcatraz9."

"They will be going to Tuscaloosa. Okay we will see you later Bobby. We will catch up. Thanks to you kid!"

"No not a problem. Manana!"

"She's been watching Spanish on T.v. did you know? She's looking brighter! You know you'll be alright! Those ladies they won't get you thanks to your other soul!" As they flew off Bobby sat on the porch steps and called me to him, he pulled me into his lap in a big hug, so much I could barely look out. Kitty jumped out and ran to watch the Jupiters fly off and then came back around, rubbed on Bobbys back all kinds to say "I gots you dad" then climbed back into my lap to settle down.

He had asked me how the cat saved me. And I told him usually I dont pay much attention when he falls to sleep but that day I had and it made me drowsy like when I couldn't sleep and I would look at my mom or dad's face and it would help me ease into sleep better. I explained I was just sitting up and looking down. And yeah the ladies could had seen me.

He said he had wondered why the door was shut and was getting frustrated that it was and Jupiter wasn't saying I had been taken. He was so worried I felt tears on my head and ears from his eyes.

So when Kitty came he said "so you saved my girl hu" and he held his head high with a smizle and purred. And bobby kissed him on the nose and between the eyes. "Alright y'all its been a long day and as you see I didn't even shower"

"But you didn't even give him a tight squeeze! You remind him you love him and you are thankful for his love, here ill give you one and you carry these in and ill make us some raviolis, you can have some of mine. Its okay. You always buy me enough! And you can take your shower while i cook! Come on Bobby its okay! Oh you want to come in, too, miss kitty? Its okay! Bobby we will have to share! 2 pieces each and she likes the gravy!"

"I call it a girl she tells me its a man and then she calls it Miss Kitty" he said to himself.

Right when Bobby was finishing, a Jupiter flew down, "bobby they're not going to Tuscaloosa! They're right down behind those trees! They have men and they're camping!

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dragon-zena · 6 years

Text

even More OC group chat shenanigans

HUGHES: Madena oh my god

ZI: jdndjdjdjjd madena you did NOT

MADENA: I TOTALLY DID IM SVDBDBHD

HUGHES: I hate this Madena wh

HUGHES: “considering that I am a gay,,,” LIKE

ZI: “half of us,,,are immigrants,,,and children and grandchildren of immigrants,,,,end it” like has your best friend ever

HUGHES: YEAH MY BEST FRIEND HAS EVER THEY DID IT TODAY YOU WERE THERE

MADENA: im sorry but like what did she expect complaining about gay people and immigrants to a nb bisexual with two parents from two different continents...like? Ok

ZI: let's debate sexuality when it's obvious that half the class are LGBT and the other half are bigots!!!

ZI: let's talk about “illegal” immigration when almost EVERYONE IN THE ROOM has a close family member that immigrated here!

HUGHES: RIGHT AND TBIS IS AP POLISCI NOT AP “DISCUSS HUMAN RIGHTS” LET'S N O T

MADENA: this is both the greatest and worst day of my life why did I SAY that dbdbdn

ZI: what u said was true and you should say it

MADENA: mnmerrg

ZI: mads ur literally iconic there are literally people talking about u being their hero I'm???

HUGHES: I can't believe the evil was thoroughly defeated in our third hour class today.

MADENA: theevilisdefeated.png

CAMILLA: Narla!

NARLA: Yeah?

CAMILLA: Friendly reminder that we have a game today uwu……….do u have what u need? You dint have ur knee pads last time

NARLA: Fuck, I honestly forgot my stuff. I'm probably gonna drive home and get them.

NARLA: And never say “friendly reminder” or use uwu ever again in my presence.

CAMILLA: You should let Zi bring you uwu

NARLA: Perish, you bitch. You bully. You scoundrel.

CAMILLA: ;^)

NARLA: Hey, Zi. Are you busy after school? I was hoping that I could get a ride home, today. I have to get my vball gear for tonight.

ZI: oh! Yeah! I'll be waiting in the car after school. Can i

ZI: uh

NARLA: ?

ZI: can I come watch you, tonight?

NARLA: I'm blushing so hard she asked to come watch us tonight.

CAMILLA: HELL YEA we need the support

CAMILLA: Not that we gonna lose but your biggest fan being there is gonna make u go into overdrive.........ur gonna beast out........

CAMILLA: ion know if the other team is gonna stand a chance

NARLA: PERISH, ASSHOLE.

NARLA: Of course you can come! :)!

ZI: !!!

CAMILLA: WELCOM TO MY F U CK HO US E

MADENA: we have banini...and avocaidi…

HUGHES: Perish

ZI: perish

NARLA: Perish.

MADENA: Oh worm? Permission granted?

ZI: MADS NO

HUGHES: N O

ZI: mmmmmMMMAAAAAAAAAAA

STEPHANI: God, same.

HUGHES: What's going on in Louisiana? ):

NARLA: They keep raising the prom fee as though we're made of money. Lmao.

JUSTINE: I mean, Narla will be fine, she’s actually made of money,,, but like, not many other people will be.

ZI: LMAO.

MADENA: Zi ):

ZI: im sorry im sorry I just

NARLA: I'll pay for you to go. I'll pay for any of you, if you need it. It's not like we're using it for much, at home.

CAMILLA: ,,, Narla,,, ur mom

NARLA: Irrelevant.

MADENA: godiwishthatwereme.png

CAMILLA: aight……………………..

ZI: id die for Narla but whatever

HUGHES: You're at her game, aren't u

ZI: …no

HUGHES: …

ZI: …yes

ZI: Hughes her thighs...her calves….me gay

MADENA: I heard gay what's goin on

MADENA: oh its just z nvm

ZI: thighs.mp4

ZI: look at her go!

CAMILLA: ive come from the court to tell u that you are Definitely in the wrong chat

MADENA: ho-o-oly shit

CAMILLA: i got her phone lmao y'all secrets safe w me

CAMILLA: just deleted those messages have fun in pineville bye

HUGHES: Isn't that actually a place in Louisiana

HUGHES: Cami?

ZI: she's back on the court but yeah it is

ZI: holy shit I owe Camilla my entire life im going to the T3 Group Chat

HUGHES: real paranoia hours

HUGHES: if u up alone at 3:10 in the morning

HUGHES: hearing things, seeing things, and overthinking ur relationships

HUGHES: slam that mf like

HUGHES: this is so stupid like wow I love. feeling this way. Fave. 10 out of fuckign 10 i lobe iy

HUGHES: I need tk pee but im svared tk adn no ones up i catn

CAMILLA: oh shit

CAMILLA: ok okay im up right now, I'm here right now, I need you to take deep breaths for me

HUGHES: catn’

CAMILLA: can I call u

HUGHES: yehh

ZI: oh no

NARLA: Hughes, are you okay, now? I'm sorry that I wasn't awake when you needed someone. ):

CAMILLA: they asleep rn but I think they r ok for rn

CAMILLA: has this happened before zi

ZI: not to this extent

ZI: sometimes he does focus extensively on everything around him and it makes him anxious

NARLA: Maybe this should wait until Hughes says that we have his permission to talk about this.

CAMILLA: yeah

HUGHES: last night was a shit show

HUGHES: my bad

MADENA: Are u ok now?

ZI: ^

NARLA: ^

CAMILLA: ^

JUSTINE: ^

STEPHANI: ^

HUGHES: Yeah thanks

HUGHES: Camilla made me take sleep medicine and i pretty much passed out soon after lmao

CAMILLA: Sleep > Being Awake lmao

MADENA: mood

ZI: ......everybody wants to be a cat.....

HUGHES: oh my god not again

ZI: aS quare witha horn makes u wish u werent born evertime he plays

MADENA: Oh A Rinky Tinky Tinky!

ZI: with a square in the act! u can set musci back! to the caveman days!

NARLA: Oh, a rinky tinky tinyk!

HUGHES: This is torture you’re all doing ths knowing it was my fave song to play in jazz band end me

MADENA: 👀 👀 👀

Narla: RIP...It was my fault, I wanted to watch The Aristocats.........

HUGHES: Perish, Narla Miaro.

NARLA: Fuck you, Hughes.

STEPHANI: atthepool.png

STEPHANI: shes so fuckgin beautiful shes wearng this bikini and shes like fuckign aphrodite or sme shit

JUSTINE: END THIS

JUSTINE: prety.png

JUSTINE: LOOK AT MY GIRLFRIEND SHE DESERVES THE WORLD SHES GIGGLIN

NARLA: God, can you imagine if I had let the two of you pine any longer than you did?

ZI: this is so gay and cute

MADENA: Justine where do u find ur swimsuits and Steph u look gorgeous end me please

JUSTINE: blush.png

JUSTINE: shes blushing ths is so cute

JUSTINE: Also i just got them at waly worl

MADENA: bless ur photogenic souls for telling me

CAMILLA: U do it for he

NARLA: And you would do it, again.

CAMILLA: You do it for she and now u say

NARLA: You do it for he.

HUGHES: One day is all I ask

HUGHES: Sometimes I forget that the moment Euthymia left the house for college, she changed from a subtle gay to a vindictive gay.

MADENA: God my sister is so fucking iconic mom was like “i dont support that in my house” AS THOUGH I DONT EXIST IN THE BOUNDARIES OF THE HOME BUT ANYWAY Euthymia shruges and is like “im not in your house so lmao watch this” AND KISSES AGATHA RIGHT IN F R O N T OF HER hhfkrk

ZI: im lauhing

HUGHES: Shes not at her mom’s house rn she came to bring something to me for Mads and she’s sporting an undercut and a lot of lgbt pride pins AND a lot of really clever enamel pins too i envy her

HUGHES: She??? Also has??? A scar on her eyebrow???

HUGHES: I ASKED WHY AND SHE SAID “YOU SHOULD SEE THE OTHER GUY”

MADENA: TELL HR TO STAY PUT IM C O M I N G I GOTTA SEE THIS

ZI: send a pic when u get there i wanna see

EUTHYMIA: inspiring my lgacy to be vindictive gays lmao

AGATHA: im lauhfing Zi just texted me and told me that Hughes called you a vindictive gay

EUTHYMIA: im so happy that im able to be ths way

EUTHYMIA: but i want them to wait until they’re super safe until they even think about following the near vicinity of my footsteps

AGATHA: you aren’t even super safe but i get wht ur sayin

AGATHA: I love you, Euthymia Nadine.

EUTHYMIA: I love you, too, Alaris

AGATHA: oooh my last name hot

EUTHYMIA: end it

HUGHES: That freshman is going to get in a fight this afternoon

MADENA: ?

HUGHES: sorry the thought just came to me

MADENA: Hughes,,,

HUGHES: I was right,,,,,,what the fc

ZI: oh thats like when Madena said something about ancient greec andt he teacher was like “nuh uh” but when he searched it up it was true

ZI: but Madena didnt know how they got it right it just randomyl popped up in their mind

CAMILLA: Physics can suck my asshole

HUGHES: Oh?

MADENA: *Hughes voice* oh, you haven’t heard?

CAMILLA: i die

HUGHES: I tutor in physics

MADENA: hes not gonna ask you to pay which is why u should

CAMILLA: I DONT CARE AS LONG AS I PASSED THESE FINALS WHATS YOUR FUCING PAYPAL

HUGHES: meet me in the PMs

MADENA: this is so fucking funny hey @Narla d o u need help with physics

NARLA: No.

MADENA: god i wish that were me

ZI: god i wish that were me

ZI: :0!

MADENA: O: twinsies

#oc #narla #madena #hughes #camilla #justine #stephani #sea serpent #oracle duo #robocop #my writing

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automaticcoffeecloud-blog · 7 years

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Ready or Not

I told you I didn’t know how the flow of this would go, I would just follow my instincts… well, I believe in signs. This morning, I see a post saying it’s the anniversary of when I took my maiden name back. I had just been hit with the cold hard truth about my ex-husband at that time and was unknowingly facing the hardest battle of my life. (That poor, weak, shattered girl was clueless about what life was about to do to her.) This afternoon, I see a FB comment from his sister, my ex-sister in law, at one time my friend. (I had unfriended her years ago; not because of her but because of me. Just seeing her name hurt back then and I needed to shield myself. Today, a lot of those old feeling came flooding back.) Tonight, Daisy and I are on our walk and the song “Not Ready to Make Nice” by the Dixie Chicks came on. I had my phone on just some random YouTube country music playlist. (I used that song to help me deal with “our ordeal”, with him and his family and the constant comments of forgiving.) And then just a little bit ago, after the walk, I pull up FB and see an article by a lady I love to follow, Kristina Kuzmic, titled “I didn’t tell”. I read it, and all of the comments left by her followers saying “I didn’t tell either”… my heart sank. God, PLEASE tell. You’ll never heal without telling and there WILL be those of us here, believing you.

(I knew at that moment I needed to write this out.)

I met my ex-husband years and years before we ever dated. I felt like I knew him and his family like they were my own. We eventually started dating, and 4 years later, married. I thought I had everything I ever wanted. We didn’t have the perfect marriage and little by little it started to unravel. I prayed endlessly to become the wife he deserved… little did I know, he wasn’t the husband I deserved. I deserved so much more than a man who would look at me 6 months into our marriage, and tell me he will never look at me like he did his first wife. To my face, he said, "The difference is, I was in love with her. I love you, Laura, but I’m not in love with you. I never will be.“ That statement crushed me, but I continued to pray. A short 5 months later (a total of 11 months into our marriage), I’m walking in from work, book bags over my shoulder, one kid on my hip, the other by the hand… I was a little aggravated that he had gotten off of work first but didn’t bother to help get the kids from day care, I won’t lie. In my head I’m steady bitching. I just knew he hadn’t even bothered to start dinner and that and all the other nightly duties with kids, baths and homework will be all mine and he will watch TV. You know, normal wife head bitching… but then, the sounds of screaming stop me dead in my tracks. Not screaming like someone was hurt, screaming like someone is letting all of their anger out in a very heated argument. I notice that his sister’s car is there. I take the kids in, send them to their bedrooms to play before dinner. I turned and asked the two to walk outside because the kids obviously didn’t need to be around whatever it was they had going on…. and then the bomb was dropped… my husband was a pedophile. Had been for years and was under investigation while we were getting married. I had no idea. My knees went weak… I gave him 5 minutes to pack a bag and get the hell out of my house. My world began to fall apart… or so I thought… I stopped praying.

Fast forward a few years and it comes to light that he has molested not 1, but 3 girls during our marriage. I can’t describe to you the guilt I felt for not knowing. How could I have not seen it? How could I have not known? What did I miss? Could I have stopped it? How in the world did my life get here? It was the worst hell I’ve ever put myself through because the truth of the matter is, I didn’t do anything wrong. I didn’t miss anything. My fault, I trusted and married a manipulative predator. I can never fix what he did, but I fought like hell to make him be held responsible for his actions. And he is still currently serving his prison sentence for his heinous, perverse acts.

I don’t know if I’ll ever fully heal but I know this, THAT girl is gone. Bless her heart, she was so weak and battered and broken…constantly seeking love that wasn’t being given. It was sad really. She was so beautiful but she couldn’t see it . She was so smart but let doubt stifle her ambition. She was so capable but didn’t believe in herself. She was fragile because at that point, every man she had ever loved told her how unlovable she was. The problem was, she didn’t love herself and honestly, she didn’t know how to.

It has taken years of a wonderful therapist, amazing friends and a family, that wouldn’t give up on me, to get me where I am today. THIS woman, she is strong, and confident, and ambitious, and beautiful, and loving, and generous, and kind. THIS woman, I love. THIS woman, I admire. She is not perfect by any means, but she is fully aware of her faults and is constantly trying to move forward and get better. There are bad days, there are good days and there are amazing days!

I absolutely fell in love with Younique because they completely feed into that part of me where I am trying to self improve. The mission we share is to uplift, empower and validate women; not just so that we feel beautiful physically, but so that we all feel beautiful spiritually as well. We also fund a retreat for women who were victims of childhood/adolescent sexual abuse and trauma that facilitates healing. Not to mention the Defend Innocence project we have to remove the stigma of the conversation and help open those lines of communication so we CAN teach our kids about sexual abuse and how to protect themselves. I’ve never been happier than I am right now. I know, beyond the shadow of a doubt that I am making a difference and that it will directly impact women… who were and are just like me.

I’m still not ready to make nice. I’m still angry. I still am not whole. I still have a lot of healing to do… but now, I’ve grown so much that I don’t ever want to be that girl again. I have a spark, a purpose, a mission. I now have a game plan. I know what I want, I know where I’m going and I know what I have to do to get there. I won’t stop fighting. I will never give up on this mission.. and I absolutely know, beyond the shadow of a doubt that the only person I can depend on for my happiness is me. Never again will I be the victim. I AM A SURVIVOR. And I’m kinda thankful for my new life… oh, and I’m praying again ;)

Love y'all ~ Laura

👉 If you need help, or need a voice, reach out to someone… anyone… including me. 💋

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