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bubbles-for-all-of-us · 23 days

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You don’t get to tell me about sad

Previous chapter

a/n part three! I’m brain dead so sorry for the wait. I hope you will all enjoy this. 🫧🫶🏻

summary: Azriel gets an assignment he can’t seem to decline. Now he has a princess full of attitude under his protection. The only question is whose cold heart will break first.

warning: past trauma, scars, injuries, blood.

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You were sure that your lip was going to burst from the way you kept biting on it, trying to suppress the laugh as the carriage rolled through the misty autumn forest. Convinced that nothing was ever going to top the sight of Azriel, squished the opposite of you. He was scowling so hard that he was most definitely the reason why the sky had ripped open. Pouring rain drowned the lush forest since the early morning. It looked like you were driving to a funeral at best, gruesome execution at best.

“Don’t start with me today," Azriel grunts, his eyes burning into yours. Yet now that he acknowledged you, the smile only seemed to spread wider. He lets out a grunt, and a quiet giggle slips past your lips. "Princess, life suits you," you mumble, making Azriel roll his eyes. “Come on now; it’s not so bad. Don’t huff”, you nudge his leg with your heel, earning yet another glare.

“Could have winnowed us there”, “You did almost all the way”, you point out. And you would have happily obliged, but the murmurs about something being wrong with the high lord’s family had started. So Lucien and Eris had made their outing. If not for the rain, you would have done just the same. Take a walk through the main streets. But now seeing the family carriage and your face through the glass would have to be enough.

“Why do you hate autumn so much?”, It’s a bold statement to make. You’re not sure if he even hates it. Well, considering the amount of frowning he does, he has to. “I have my reasons," Azriel answers as bluntly as he can. “Care to elaborate?", you turn to him, ready to dig an answer out of him if you had to. He owned you, considering his creeping around your room. But your eyes fall on the way he’s trying to subtly rub his palms together. The scarred skin—humidity must be making the bones ache too. He’s impossible to read, but you’re convinced that the discomfort hunts some of his features. You don’t care. You shouldn’t care, yet you still inch closer. There’s not much space inside the carriage considering that man’s size, but it’s enough for you to brush your legs against him. As expected, Azriel’s hands instantly reached to put distance between you both. But that’s when you yank the side of your cloak up, draping the fur-lined material over his scared palms.

“What are you?", "Shhhh," you say quickly. He tries to pull them out, but you catch his gaze—a daring look there. “Know your”, but you cut him off once more, “Next words out of your mouth better be, thank you, princess," you muse. Azriel clenches his jaw. But he doesn’t pull back. Doesn’t fight the warmth slowly seeping through the stiff skin. “I thought you hated that nickname, princess," he says. One thing this man hadn’t learned in life was dealing with women. Clearly. You shrug, “Not so bad when it’s you who calls me that," you muse, watching as a glimpse of surprise washes over his features, and then the scowling coldness returns.

Azriel doesn’t like it here. The thought alone had unsettled him ever since Lucien had announced the need to go back. “The High Lord needs to make a statement," Lucien had stated. Azriel itched to say that Eris wasn’t his high lord. But he knew that regardless of Eris’s wishes, he would have gone. Because you were going there. So here he was, standing outside the forest house. Not daring to go forward alone. You had waved him off. Told him to go inside while you checked on the horses. But he refused to step inside. So he stood there, trying to memorize every window.

“Who’s snooping now?", your voice fills Azriel’s ear as he slowly turns to you. Arms crossed as you grin at him. He wonders why you hadn’t mentioned that night in your room. Why you brushed it off so easily. “I just needed to stretch my wings." It’s not so much of a lie. It had been a disaster of a trip here. You barely manage to open your lips when an unfamiliar voice comes from behind, “Yn, Yn.“

Azriel pushes you behind him, his hand reaching for his dagger. But you slip out of his grasp, glancing over his shoulder. And then you’re stepping forward. “Makoa?”, it’s a whisper, and Azriel doubts that a disheveled-looking boy would hear it. But he does. And that name alone makes Azriel uneasy. The same boy you had sneaked out with. And just like that Azriel decides that he hates Makoa.

"Wait," you push again Azriel's arm, but his grip doesn’t falter. “Anyone can be a threat," the spymaster points out. “I know him," and it’s the desperation that makes Azriel back up. The same one that he had when he called out to Mor. To Elain. The lost kind. One that had you hanging up on things that weren’t there.

“I’ve been looking everywhere for you," Makoa mutters once he is in arms reach of you. Azriel has to bite his tongue because nothing about that statement seems genuine. “You can imagine it’s been busy over here," and your voice is different too. Hazy almost. You bite at Azriel. Spewing venom. And here, this boy makes you behave like a youngling with your first-ever crush. “You could have written to me; I’ve missed you." Makoa raises his hand, and Azriel instantly inches to step forward, but then the boy is leaning in, his lips brushing over yours. Making Azriel lower his head. A strange sort of feeling brews within him. One that’s not welcome here. So he turns back onto his heel, heading deeper into the woods. To clear his consciousness. His logical thinking. His heart.

“Everyone missed you," Makoa points out, your hands clasped in his. The feeling is strange. It’s all so wrong because, yes, he has been vocal about courting you, but this… To be kissed in front of someone he doesn’t even know. You glance back. Eyes scanning the front gardens. He’s not there. Azriel isn’t there, and a dreadful sort of uneasiness pools in your stomach.

“It’s just been a couple of days," you brush his statement off. You were trying to find joy in something you had dreamed of ever since you slipped that book beneath the floorboards. “You’re behaving strangely," Makoa mutters, his hand reaching out for your forehead, but you bat it away. “I’m just tired," but you’re more than tired. You need answers, and quite frankly, you’re willing to do about anything to get them.

You can trust the man in front of you. His mother used to do laundry for your family. Until Beron changed his mind or whatever happened. As if reading your mind, Makoa reaches up, cupping your cheek, “What is it you can tell me?" A part of you is screaming to just drop it. Talk to Azriel first. But then he wasn’t there. He wouldn’t know.

“Do you remember the night on the harvest moon, well after it?”, you say quietly, looking over your shoulder for servants. “I walked you home," Makoa shrugs. Well, he did more than that, but sure, that will do for now. “Someone was waiting for me," you admit. “I didn’t go inside; I went to the barn to feed the horses." It was misty and cold outside. You didn’t catch their face. Just a hooded figure.

“I... someone tried to slice my throat open." Brushing your hair to the side, you let the white line shine in the midday sun. Makoa watches. But he doesn’t frown. There’s almost no reaction. Azriel looked more concerned when you caught him brushing his fingers over it that night. Genuine concern. Or maybe you were just imagining it.

Makoa brings you into his chest. “What a shame," he breathes out, and your hands are instantly pushing against his chest. "Pardon," you huff, brows knit together. “I mean, it’s horrible, yes," he says, lifting his arms in defiance. You shake your head. Too tired. Too tired for this. After all, you didn’t expect him to take you seriously. He was too wild. Too carefree for that.

"Look, just be careful, okay?", you mutter, your eyes searching him, but he only shoots you a wicked smile. “You don’t have to worry about me," he muses. You burn to tell him that you both are no longer kids. There are serious matters, but you don’t have it in you to fight another battle today. “I’ll see you in the party," you say as you step back, letting your fingers slip out of his grasp. But then he’s pulling you back. Hand on the side of your face. An eager kiss smothered against your lips, “I wouldn’t miss the spectacle.”

Azriel’s task this weekend was easy. If he was being honest, he didn’t quite grasp why exactly he was asked to come. But then Eris might have just done it to spite him. All he was responsible for was keeping an eye on you when Eris and Lucien couldn’t. So essentially, babysit a grown woman. Now he was standing with his back against your door. Throwing his knife up and down in his hands. Trying to beat his record of spins before it lands back into his palm.

“Okay, am...", your voice breaks the second-floor silence, making Azriel pause. “Can you get Maria?”, Azriel shakes his head even if you can’t see him, “She just went outside for the flower arrangements." The elderly woman had pinched his cheek way too many times, but as much as he hated it, she reminded Azriel of his own mom.

"Fuck," the sound of things falling inside the room, makes Azriel press his ear to the door.“What’s going on?”, he demands. Silence falls. “I...", you start, but it ends with a frustrated sigh. “Well, let’s hear it," he muses, hoping for yet another privileged little dig he could throw back at you.

“I can’t reach the back of the dress to do the..." It’s a whisper. A frustrated one at that. “We have twenty minutes," Azriel points out. “I know, tree man, I know," you growl in frustration, cursing to yourself as you continue to struggle.

“I'm coming in," Azriel states, instantly frowning at his own words. "No, you are not," you snarl, and he is sure that you are frowning. “On three," the spymaster warns. But he doesn’t even get a chance to start the countdown. “Fucking, Azriel,” you say, yanking the door open. Rosy cheeks. Slightly disheveled hair. And that deep red satin dress. So far different from the one he had seen you in the first time you both met. That was a girl. This… You were meant to be in red. In…

“Eyes up here, moron," you say, reaching up to flick his nose. One arm holding the material upfront. You turn away from him. The smooth back exposed to his scared hands. Azriel shakes those thoughts away. “I’ve seen females before," he states, reaching for the golden buttons. “Really? I would have taken you for a virgin," you snort, shaking your head ever so slightly. Azriel fake gasps, earning a glimmer in your eyes. “What is that supposed to mean?”, he says in the most dramatic way possible. You bite your lip, trying to hide that smile. He knows it. Feels it.

“Just do the dress up," you urge him, motioning to your back. Azriel halts, letting his hands drop to his side. “Start with a please," he says proudly. You glance up at him, “Are you being serious?” Surely a man who just completed about the amount of time you had wasn’t going to start playing games. “I decided that etiquette lessons are in order," he shrugs, making you roll your eyes. “I will spit in your drink tonight. How is that for your etiquette lessons?” You flash him one of your fake smiles. “Delightful, just how I like it," and it’s so unexpected that you are left slack-jawed for a split second, and then he grabs your shoulder and turns you around, nudging you forward. “You’re disgusting," you say, pushing your heel against his leg, making a little rumble of laughter fill the space. “Says you," he breathes practically against your skin, sending shivers down your back.

You fidget with your sleeve as you and Azriel make your way towards the main part of the event. Public outings still felt strange. The big crowd overwhelmed you. But you had missed out on so many great things and parties, especially when you were growing up. That now….

“Only a weirdo disappears like that," you halt suddenly, leaving Azriel to walk along until he too stops. Turning to face you. You quickly put a finger against your lips, stepping closer to the second-floor railing. “That’s what I told Makoa”. You know those voices. You don’t even need to look down the staircase to know who they belong to.

“Daddy beat her, I heard," and it’s like someone dumped a bucket of ice water on you. Tingles spread through your body like fire.“ She lived beneath the floorboards; I doubt she knows how to interact with living things." You let the words slash at you. After so many years, they don’t make a difference. It’s the fact that every time you feel as if you found someone willing to look past it, they still end up stabbing you in the back.

That’s when your eyes fall on Azriel, practically charging towards the stairs. "Don't," you hiss, reaching to grab at his wrist, pulling him back. “It’s disrespectful, and I’m being very polite with my words here," he grunts. Venom. Purest of venom painting his features, and yet you cut him off. “I said don't," you step in front of him, pressing your palms against his chest. “It’s just another joke for them. You throwing a fit and acting all gruff won’t change a thing.”

Azriel watches you for a moment before a bitter laugh crawls up his throat. “And those are your friends? People that you think are not a threat to you? ”, he points downstairs in frustration. A wave of guilt. Shame. Fills you in seconds. You feel that familiar sting in your eyes. But you brush it beneath all the other pain. “Daddy got them for me; I didn’t have a chance to choose; my apologies," you purr through gritted teeth.

And it’s as if you threw a comeback punch. The arrow shooting once again. Azriel’s shoulders sag. “Yn...", he breathes out, but you don’t want it. Don’t want pity. The sad eyes. The smothering. To hell with it. “We should go find my brothers." You pick at the skirt of your dress, turning to the stairs. “It was insensitive of me," Azriel’s words slam into the wall you had built, making you close your eyes for a moment. “Don’t get tangled in this; this has nothing to do with you," you mutter, not turning back to face him. Forcing your legs forward. Azriel stands at the top of the staircase for a heartbeat, watching you. Then he glances over his shoulder. One heartbeat. Two. And he unleashes his shadows to the first floor.

The terrace is buzzing with people. If it were up to Azriel, he would be right by the platform, but there are Eris’s guards here. So he’s just standing by. That prick had it in him to suggest wine. Azriel, of course, took it. Before dumping it right next to Eris’s shoes. Rhys told him to behave, yes. And so he was, because the second option was to punch the fireling in his face. Pick and choose.

Azriel catches a glimpse of you. Well, more like all he had been doing was catching glimpses of you. Like a moth to a flame. Even if he tells himself not to, his eyes always seem to find you. That distant look in your eyes. Like you’re not here, even if your body is. He also doesn’t doubt that it’s partly because of the things the people said. Why not fight back? You seem to be fine doing that when it comes to him. But crumple the moment the people who are meant to be closest to you are involved.

As if by coincidence, your eyes glance up, meeting Azriel’s. He should be scowling, yet he finds himself smiling. Just a little. He puts a finger beneath his chin, pushing it higher. Encouragement of sorts. You’re supposed to radiate power, not look like a damsel in distress. You return it with an eye roll, making the corners of Azriel’s lips curve even more. Deny it or not. You do lift your head up. That tingle of fire blazing just a bit brighter. That will do. It would have to be enough to get you through it.

The music dies, and Eris walks close to the platform edge, that fox-line smile on his face. “It’s an honor to have you all here, so I thank you for finding time to join us," the high lord begins. “I know that the court is facing some challenging times, but you should not be afraid." Azriel crosses his arms over his chest as he listens. “I will do everything that is in my power to protect our people and be a true and fair high lord." Then the Autumn High Lord turns back breathy. “And... I’ll have my family to aid me in these matters," motioning for his two siblings to come to stand closer. “Lucien and Y/n Vanserra will be taking their rightful place on the throne." The crowd explodes with chairs and joyful applause. As the three siblings smile in unison.

“And…”, But there’s no and. Nothing comes after it. As if someone had stolen all of the other promises. Azriel feels it too. It hits his senses. Making them restless. There’s something wrong. Something that doesn’t feel right. A banner behind the platform bursts into flames. The hot tongues, lapping at the family insignia. Some people back up. Eris waves for his guards, ordering them into action. People are bringing buckets full of water while Eris and Lucien try to wield the wildfire.

It’s the lightest of the sounds that follow next. It flickers, and... "Y/n," Azriel calls, making you snap your head sideways. “Y/n," he breathes out, and then he’s winnowing. His hands already stretched out. He has to make it. He will make it. There is no other option. So Azriel doesn’t let the what-ifs set in. Shrieks echo. Chaos breaks out. And then he’s up there. On the platform. One arm behind your body, the other on the arrow.

The time stops. Your wide eyes are looking at him. Green so deep that Azriel knows he has never seen anything like it. The freckles seem even darker now that your skin has paled almost to snow white. His fingers are trembling. He can’t see it. Can’t fucking see it; the bunched-up fabric is making it hard to judge. Had the arrow met its target? Your heart seems to beat beneath his palm. But are those the last beats? Then the red fabric turns an even deeper shade of red.

Every muscle tenses in Azriel’s body. "No," he mutters under his breath. He’s not letting you die just like that. Not on his watch. Not in some pointless death just because someone has a bone to pick with your brother. Your eyelashes flutter, and just for a heartbeat, Azriel is too slow to catch you. Your body sags, but the arrow stays there in Azriel’s head. It didn’t meet its target. Not fully, at least. Just nicked the skin. It feels as if someone rolled a mountain off of his chest.

"Azriel," it’s so light he almost misses it. The plea. The fear. Your fingers reach up for his leg. His darkness swirls around you both. And quite frankly, the spymaster is not too sure as to what’s going on outside. The world might as well be going to shit for all he cares. Kneeling, Azriel takes hold of your trembling hands, “I’ve got you, darling; I won’t let anything happen to you." He’s not sure if you even hear him. Eyes fixed on something as if you’re looking right past him.“I'm here; I'm with you," Azrie promises, moving to drape your arms over his shoulders. “Are you with me, love?” You’ve gone into shock, that he can tell. Yet you blink. Fingers gripped onto his flying leathers as you nod. "Good," he says, brushing a strand of hair away from your face, “Hold onto me, fireheart”.

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Taglist: @emryb @glitterypirateduck @xxtakeachancexx @justyouraveragekleemain @5onedirection5 @paleidiot

#azriel acotar x reader #azriel acotar imagine #azriel x you #azriel x oc #azriel imagine #azriel x reader #azriel spymaster #azriel shadowsinger #azriel acotar #azriel #acotar imagine #acotar x reader #acotar x oc #acotar x you #eris vanserra x reader #lucien vanserra x reader

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scoonsalicious · 1 month

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Unwanted: Chapter 19, Unfriended - Pt. 2

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Fem!Reader

Summary: When your FWB relationship with your best friend Bucky Barnes turns into something more, you couldn’t be happier. That is, however, until a new Avenger sets her sights on your super soldier and he inadvertently breaks your heart. You take on a mission you might not be prepared for to put some distance between the two of you and open yourself up to past traumas. Too bad the only one who can help you heal is the one person you can no longer trust.

Warnings: (For this part only; see Story Masterlist for general Warnings) Language, yelling, mentions of violence against women.

Word Count: 1.9k

Previously On...: You showed Nat and Wanda the texts. They were as bad as you thought.

A/N: You guys sure know how to make me give you whatever you want with all your flattery! I am WEAK. Keep it coming ;) Also, this scene is the very first one that came into my head during the creation of this fic, one of the first I wrote for it. It had to be redone a lot as the story changed, but I like to think I kept the beats and emotions the same as I first intended to be.

NOTE! The tag list is a fickle bitch, so I'm not really going to be dealing with it anymore. If you want to be notified when I update, please enable notifications from my Blog page!

Banner By: The absolutely amazing @mrsbuckybarnes1917!

Thank you to all those who have been reading; if you like what you've read, likes, comments, and reblogs give me life, and I truly appreciate them, and you!

Taglist: (Sadly, tag list is closed; Tumblr will not let me add anyone new. If you want to be notified when I update, please Follow me for Notifications!) @jmeelee @cazellen @mrsbuckybarnes1917 @blackhawkfanatic @buckybarnessimpp @hayjat @capswife @itsteambarnes @marygoddessofmischief @sebastians-love @learisa @lethallyprotected @rabbitrabbit12321 @buckybarnesandmarvel @fanfictiongirl77 @calwitch @fantasyfootballchampion @selella @jackiehollanderr @wintercrows @sashaisready @missvelvetsstuff @angelbabyyy99 @keylimebeag @maybefoxysouls @vicmc624 @j23r23 @wintercrows @crist1216 @cjand10 @pattiemac1@les-sel @dottirose @winterslove1917 @harperkenobi @ivet4 @casey1-2007 @mrsevans90 @steeph-aniie @bean-bean2000 @beanbagbitch @peachiestevie @wintrsoldrluvr @shadowzena43

Tumblr will not let me directly tag the following: @marcswife21 @erelierraceala @jupiter-107 @doublejeon @hiqhkey @unaxv @brookeleclerc

Once inside the conference room, your friends made sure to sit you between the two of them, so that Bucky couldn't park himself next to you. Unfortunately, there wasn't much they could do to keep him from taking the seat across from you.

"Hey," he said as he sat down, "I've been trying to call you; thought we could go get some lunch before returning to our previously scheduled activities. Where've you been?" You acted as though you hadn't heard him, pretending you were extremely interested in something on your phone. It didn't escape your notice, however, when Jade entered the room and sat down in the seat next to him, Bucky instinctively shifted his seat away from her slightly. She glanced between the two of you, a smug smile playing across her lips.

"Bucky," she greeted. "How's things?"

"Carthage," he huffed in response. You made the mistake of catching his eye for a brief second, and he offered you a tentative smile before you immediately hardened your expression and turned away.

Nat jotted down a sentence in her notebook and slid the paper over to you. Your puppy looks like you just kicked him in the face and he can't figure out why.

You suppressed a snicker and wrote back I can't reward a mongrel for indiscriminately humping bitches, can I? You quickly worked to scribble over your words as Natasha positively cackled at you, drawing everyone's attention.

"You alright there, Nat?" Tony asked as he entered the room, moving toward the front of the space and getting ready to begin the meeting. Nat coughed and took a sip from her water bottle.

"Just peachy, Tony," she answered, stifling a smile. "Just peachy."

"Okay, good. Let's get this started, then." He opened up his tablet and flicked a projection over the table. It was a series of photographs of about two dozen or so young women, all looking to be in their late teens to early thirties. "These women," Tony began, "have all been reported missing from the vicinity of Atlantic City over the last eighteen months. They've all got a history of either drugs, prostitution, or both, so the local police aren't interested in wasting valuable resources tracking them down. Fortunately for them, my resources are endless." He gave a sad smile, then with another flick of his wrist, brought up a three-dimensional schematic of a squat building. "This is called the Wiggle Room. It's a Russian-owned club where at least half of the missing girls were dancers at some point in the last three years."

"You're thinking trafficking," you spoke up. It wasn't a question. You knew the signs too well, after all. Tony nodded.

"That's horrible," said Jade "but, I mean, we're the Avengers. Isn't trafficking kind of... I dunno, below our paygrade?"

If looks could kill, you and Natasha would have murdered her on the spot. Bucky rolled his eyes before leaning over and murmuring something to Jade that you couldn't quite hear, but you had a pretty good idea what it was when her face turned red and she looked at the two of you and muttered "Oh, sorry-- I didn't know."

Your next murder-by-death stare went to Bucky. How fucking dare he divulge your secrets to her, especially when you told him he was only one of three people on this entire fucking planet who knew them? You told him that in confidence. He had absolutely no right. He just shrugged at you apologetically. Fucking shrugged. You were going to throw up. How many times was he going to betray you?

"As I was saying," Tony continued, as though Jade hadn't interrupted him, and you were grateful for it, "we want to put a couple of people on the inside, work there for a few months, see what they can find out."

"Oooh!" said Jade, bouncing in her seat and raising her hand like she was in grade school. "I volunteer!" She turned to stage whisper to Bucky. "Wouldn't I make an absolutely adorable stripper? It would be so much fun!"

Bucky had the good sense, for once in his life, to roll his eyes at Jade as Tony spoke up: “You’re benched, Carthage,” he said matter of factly. “Which reminds me; we need to have a discussion about how you managed to sneak your ass onto the Russia mission.

You felt a sick sense of satisfaction when you saw the look of chastisement cross Jade’s face, and were overcome with a renewed curiosity over just how she happened to get herself on that Quinjet in the first place. Not that it mattered, not anymore.

"So, do you think you'd be up for it, Pocket?" Tony turned to you. "Willing to dust off those pasties and jump back on the pole one last time?"

You smirked, having suspected that the ask was coming as soon as he mentioned a strip club. "What can I say, Boss? It'll be like riding a bike."

"Good, because maintenance is putting a practice pole in your room as we speak. Don't want you looking rusty undercover."

"As if I could ever!” You pretended to be affronted.

"Hold up," said Steve, and suddenly, you could feel all eyes on you. Oops. You’d forgotten that part of your history was also not common knowledge. You glanced around and everyone was staring; Sam's mouth was even hanging open. "Are you saying Pocket used to be a stripper?" Steve whispered the last word, as though it was naughty and he'd get in trouble for using it.

"Hey," you said nonchalantly, shrugging your shoulders, "MIT ain't cheap."

"I'll have you know, Cap, that exotic dancing is a craft, and our Pocket here is an artist." You beamed at Tony's words, pride flushing through you. Your past as a dancer wasn't something that you necessarily led conversations with, but you weren't ashamed of it. The money had been excellent, and you'd been good at it. Damned good.

"You've seen her?" Sam asked, mouth still hanging open.

"How do you think we met?" Tony asked him, as if it was the stupidest question in the world.

"No," said Bucky, out of nowhere, his voice hard and angry. He stood up, fists planted on the table, glaring at you.

"It was definitely while she was working at a strip club" Tony said, deliberately mistaking Bucky's meaning. "It's not everyday you get a comparative analysis of the weaknesses of your company's firewalls at the same time you get a lap dance; tends to leave a lasting impression."

"No, I mean Pocket's not going undercover. She's just a civilian and it's too dangerous. Send Natasha or Jade in, instead," Bucky bit out through gritted teeth.

"Excuse me?" You stood up, as well, mirroring his stance and matching his glare from across the table. "You do not get to determine what missions are too dangerous for me, James. You're not my father."

"But I'm your boyfriend," he said, and the fact that you had called him 'James,' and not 'Bucky' or 'Barnes' wasn't lost on him. "And I care about whether or not you get hurt."

You laughed, cold and mirthless. "Since when?" you spat, letting every ounce of pain you felt at his betrayal into your voice. He looked back at you, hurt and abject confusion clouding his features.

"If you're so worried about her, then you can go, too," Tony said. "Go as her boyfriend, get a job at the club as a bouncer. We need multiple sets of eyes."

Bucky seemed almost mollified by this suggestion, but you were not going to allow it. "Absolutely not," you said, the conviction ringing in your voice. "Sam'll come with me."

"What?" both Sam and the super soldier asked at the same time.

"Barnes is way too identifiable with that metal arm," you offered by way of explanation. "No way in hell I'll keep my cover if I walk in with the fucking Winter Soldier by my side."

"She's got a point," Steve said, scratching his chin. "But Pocket, language, please." You stole a glance at Bucky, and his eyes were full of pain. You'd called him the Winter Soldier. Out loud. You'd never done that; you knew how hard he worked to differentiate himself from the monster Hydra had turned him into. It was a low blow on your part, but you couldn't find it in you to give a shit.

Tony clapped his hands. "All right, then it's settled. Pocket and Sam will go to Atlantic City. It's strictly an intel-finding mission, only. No heroics, got it you two?" You both nodded in agreement. While you were excited to go out into the field in an undercover capacity, you had no desire to see combat. Sure, you could more than handle your own if it came down to self-defense-- Nat had made sure of that, but there was a reason you were the computer girl and not an actual superhero yourself. "Pocket, get practicing. You've got about a week before we’ll be sending you and Sam out; don’t want you embarrassing me up there. Any questions? No? Good. That's it, then, class adjourned.

"Oh, and one more thing," he said before everyone could collect themselves, "don't forget, our girl's turning 35 on Saturday. The party starts at eight. Dress to kill, because I'm going all out for this one."

You couldn't help the blush that crept up your face, despite the rollercoaster of anger and agony you’d been feeling. When Tony had approached you about throwing you a birthday party, you'd demurred, telling him you were too old for one, but he had insisted that, since you'd missed out on so many childhood experiences because of what your parents had put you through, you were going to get a party to remember.

You got up and gathered your things, purposefully avoiding Bucky as Nat and Wanda glared at him while they waited to escort you out. You were eager to get up to your new room so you could start researching the missing women and this strip club and, a part of you admitted with a smile, get practicing your old routine and come up with a couple of new ones. It was just the thing you needed to take your mind off of your current troubles.

“Pocket, Sam,” Tony called, catching your attention, “hold back a minute; I want to go over some details with you.”

Nat and Wanda looked at you, but you encouraged them to go on; Steve had made a beeline toward Bucky after the meeting had been adjourned and, despite Bucky lingering, obviously waiting to speak with you, had managed to steer him out of the room to discuss something you couldn’t give a shit about. “It’s fine, guys,” you told your friends. “He’s gone; I should be able to get back up to the room without trouble.

They exchanged a glance, then looked back at you. Nodding, they left.

“Pocket,” Tony said, once the conference room was clear and it was just the two of you and Sam remaining, “care to tell me why FRIDAY says you’ve moved rooms?”

“Not at the current moment, Boss,” you said. You didn’t want to rehash the drama you’d been thrown into against your will, let alone in front of a completely innocent bystander. Instead, you encouraged him to get on with whatever more he needed to tell you and Sam about the parameters of the mission. Hopefully, it would distract you enough to take your mind off of the sheer agony you felt inside.

<- Previous Part / Next Part ->

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky x you #bucky x reader #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky x female reader #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes fanfiction #james bucky buchanan barnes #james buchanan barnes #mcu bucky barnes #james barnes

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songmingisthighs · 1 year

Text

Good Neighbour

group : ateez

pairing : nerd!seonghwa × neighbour!reader

genre : smut, neighbours au

word count : 3.8 k

warning : smut, mdni, explicit sex (piv), mentions of watersports (no actual action), seonghwa mentioning he watches porn, unprotected sex, mentions of Seonghwa pleasuring himself to the thought of (y/n), (y/n)'s kind of a brat ??

a/n : happy seonghwa day !!! :D though i'm in singapore, i still want to post this and i did it !!! >:)

buy me coffee ?

Frantic knocks on Seonghwa's door made him almost smash his lego Death Star by accident. Thankfully, he only smacked his hand on the side of his table. Though painful, he'd have that over ruining the thing he had been working on for the whole day and was three-fourths way done.

The knocks on the door became relentless and bordering on incessant and honestly, it annoyed him quite a lot. He was hoping to have a quiet night in after hearing (and dealing) with the excitement around the apartment earlier. Plus, he promised his friend, San that the next time they hang out he would show him his finished lego Death Star so he could help conceptualize how to put them on display. So obviously, Seonghwa wanted to spend the day for himself, for his hobbies. It wasn't like Seonghwa would usually spend his time out, it was just that his time alone was usually spent on his work as a remote working cyber security expert. They truly benefit from Seonghwa's anxiety and tedious working tendencies but Seonghwa couldn't really complain.

When Seonghwa (finally) opened the door, he was so ready to scold whoever was on the other side, pissed that they annoyed him for no reason. But when he was met with the face of his crush, teary-eyed with her arms hugging her body tightly with a slight tremble, his anger melted away and his shoulders dropped. "(y/n)?" he called out, crouching down slightly to your height to be eye-level with you, "Are you okay? What's wrong? Have you been crying?" he asked, a worried look clear on his face. You had been the object of his affection for quite some times now and when he heard that your house had been burgled while you were at work, Seonghwa felt the most guilty because it was during the time he decided to go out and buy a new lego set for his collection. Had he waited to go a little longer, he would've been able to stop the burglary. Of course by calling someone, what can a nerd like him do? Offer to get pantsed as an exchange? That wouldn't be enough and he had a feeling that he would just make the situation worse. Considering that he only had a handful of experience with having a full conversation with you and every single time, he was so awkward. One time, he managed to spill his own coffee on himself, jumped and bumped his head to the wall behind him. You were nice enough to not make fun of him and even staying with him and iced his head. From then on he was down bad and he swore that he will try to be better for you. That was a year ago so please make your own conclusion.

You were sniffling and your eyes were shifting around warily, arms hugging your own body as a gesture of self preservation and comfort after experiencing a major trauma. "Can I stay here with you for a bit? I- I don't feel safe at home and none of my other friends are available," you sniffled sadly. Seonghwa couldn't help but skip a heartbeat at your words, focusing on the fact that you had indirectly called him your friend. While he would like to be more, he was more than happy that you thought so highly of him and he can only hope that when he finally make his move (whenever that is), his happiness would be tenfold. Whilst trying to suppress the grin that was threatening to split his face in half, Seonghwa frantically nodded and stepped aside, "Of course, you can stay here as long as you want! With me, your friend!" it took everything in him to not laugh or giggle considering that the situation was still sensitive. Thankfully, you didn't seem to realize his attempts of not being a weirdo and you even stepped close to him to gave him a tight hug. "Thank you for being such a good friend, Seonghwa, I'm really glad to have you," your voice was mumbled due to your pressing your face on his shoulders. Seonghwa's body froze especially when you exhaled deeply into his clothes, turning a spot very warm. For some reason, feeling your breath on him was exhilarating and had you not let go of him, you would've definitely felt his boner on your hip.

Even when you were already inside his place, you were still stiff and awkward. The situation was just so stressful to you that even with the company you knew you needed, you were still not able to feel comfortable yet. Seeing this of course upset Seonghwa as he adored your happy and cheerful side. "H-hey, do you want something to drink? My friend, Yunho, got me this pink wine thing and I've been waiting for the right reason to-" "Yes please," you cut him off, both surprising and delighting him with your enthusiasm over alcohol.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Not even half an hour later, you and Seonghwa found yourselves giggling over random things on his couch. You had let loose a little (a lot) with the help of the alcohol and Seonghwa's dumb attempt at imitating his friend Wooyoung's witch laugh. You've been laughing for a solid 5 straight minutes and Seonghwa was beyond proud that he was able to make you that happy and distracted. Or distractedly happy.

"Seonghwa, stop it or I'll pee myself!" you whined whilst still laughing happily, head thrown back and hand on your stomach when you felt like it was starting to cramp. Grinning widely, Seonghwa sat himself back down on the couch, this time unknowingly closer to you with a slight huff and reddened cheeks, courtesy of the alcohol. "If you pee yourself, I know that means you were genuinely laughing so hard and I'll take pride in that," he said, wiggling his eyebrows teasingly. Without Seonghwa realizing, the alcohol had allowed him to be more confident in having you in his apartment whilst simultaneously giving him a bit more courage to be able to communicate with women easier. Usually, he'd stumble over his own words and/or mix them up to create a confusing, awkward word. In return to his statement, you raised an eyebrow at him as a knowing smirk appeared on your face, "You like girls peeing because of you? Kinky," and Seonghwa almost choked on his own spit. Seeing this, you decided to egg him more, "I'm not kink shaming you, Hwa, I'm just surprised you're into that." Seonghwa began sputtering random words, trying to reject the notion but no actual, comprehensible words came out of his mouth and it made him panic because he felt like as if he was trying to hide something when it wasn't the case whatsoever.

The panicked look on Seonghwa's face; the blush, the twitchy eyes, and the trembling bottom lip looked cute to you. You have always thought that he was attractive, hot even, he was just a nerd who gets overly excited over things that he likes and most of the things he like revolves around Star Wars, Marvel, and pink stuffs. Plus, his career path on top of the way he dressed didn't help his case of being a total nerd. You remembered thinking he was so hot when you saw him coming back from playing tennis with his friend Hongjoong and to say your panties suddenly got damp would be the understatement of the year. You've been waiting to be able to see that Seonghwa again and so far you had no luck. Yet.

"I haven't had sex in a year!" He suddenly blurted out without realizing what he had said.

You both sat there frozen; Seonghwa in dreadful realization of the information that he had just unknowingly willingly gave out to you. He remembered Wooyoung and Mingi trolling him about the fact because according to them, it was ridiculous that Seonghwa didn't care much about where or how his sexual frustration was channeled, completely oblivious (or maybe forgetting) that Seonghwa has been pining over you for the longest time. That, and Seonghwa is a very busy smart man with a hobby.

It wasn't like he thought that you would ridicule him, it was just embarrassing to have your crush know you haven't had sex in so long What if he thought he's unexperienced or just THAT unwanted?

"B-but it's not like I have a low sex drive or anything. I get turned on! I really do, I watch porn like a normal person!"

God, if only a meteor could strike him then and there.

Seonghwa was so close to faking an injury or just climbing out the window to escape the awkwardness he had accidentally created. Anything to not be in that position or be that person anymore.

"What kind of porn do you usually watch?"

He was not expecting that question from you.

For a second, Seonghwa thought you were joking. Maybe even making fun of him. Or egging him to spill his kinks or sexual interests just so you could humiliate him later. But the more he looked at you, the more he saw that you were being genuinely curious, there was no malice behind your eyes or gesture. "I... It... It differs from time to time," he was not quite sure why he even responded to you in the first place. Perhaps the alcohol was more potent than he expected it to be. "Oh? So you like dominating and being dominated?" Seonghwa nearly jumped from his seat when your knee touched his, surprised that you were suddenly so close to him. But he didn't move back, he even scooted in, leaning into your warmth and touch that he craved more of after having a taste. "No... Well," though it felt as if there was as lump in his throat, Seonghwa simply coughed it out a couple of times before continuing talking, "I don't quite know about that, but I know I like taking care of my partner."

His eyes widened when you suddenly plopped onto his lap, legs, encasing his thighs as to not let him move around easily. "Tell me more," you said as you wrapped your arms around his shoulders, resting your weight on him completely. Seonghwa's head began to swirl, your scent hitting his nostrils and the realization of how close you both were with each other were intoxicating to him, exhilarating even. His hands automatically moved to be placed on your hips, as if wanting to keep you in the spot as a possessive gesture. "Well, I... I'm very nervous having you here with me right now," he blurted out. You couldn't help but giggle at his confession as you didn't expect him to say something like that to you, it wasn't even the context of the conversation. "Why so? It's not like I'm gonna bite you," then you suddenly leaned in, lips next to his ear and your breath hitting the skin making it warm, "Unless you're into that."

In a blink of an eye, Seonghwa had lunged at you, pining you onto the couch as he whined pathetically. "Please don't tease me like this, I don't want to take advantage of you considering you had just been through something absolutely traumatic and not to mention we were drinking," as he pleaded, his palms balled into fists on either sides of your head as if to ground himself, reminding himself that while he couldn't control his words, he should at least be able to control his urges. Seeing him hold back made you pout, obvious that it was not the reaction that you were hoping for. "Oh come on, Seonghwa! I've been through something absolutely traumatic today so I need you right now, I need your help to make me forget how crappy today has been," your words were so clever and you even bat your eyelashes at him to soften him up which annoyingly enough worked. But still, even if you did have a point, Seonghwa was still hesitant because like he said, he really do enjoy (so far, only the idea of) taking care of his partners and ensuring their consent was one of the ways he liked to do it. Besides, to him, asking for permission to commit a very intimate act was hot, it was as if the decision of having sex could be dependent on one of either parties.

Since this was you, someone who he had been pining for for so long, he decided to make sure of some things as to not let the chance pass by just like that. "How drunk are you exactly?" Seonghwa asked, genuinely hoping that you would still be able to do what he hoped you both would do if the chance comes. "Not drunk at all, just a slight buzz, you?" you asked back, heart beating slightly at the thought of Seonghwa wanting to have sex with you. "Drunk enough to have the courage to propose this to you but not so drunk that it would nullify my consent," he said firmly.

Without wasting more time, you smashed your lips agains this in a frenzied rush. Though you leapt forward, your body dragged him down with you onto the couch due to the gravity and your arms being securely wrapped around his neck. When you both landed, Seonghwa let out a yelp and had his clumsiness kicked in, he would have definitely smushed you under his weight on the couch but he managed to support his own weigh slightly. You loved the feeling of him on top of you though, you loved feeling his mouth on yours. Even from the kiss you could tell that Seonghwa was slightly hesitant, wanting to do something to you (that you have yet to figure out) but he wasn't able to actually reach out for it. Heck, not even to place his hands on your body. Usually, with your previous partners, they would be honking your boobs like a clown horn by now, but Seonghwa was different in a nice and frustrating way. You detached your lips and pouted up at him, showing your displeasure over his treatment, "God, Seonghwa just do whatever the fuck you want with me!" you whined, yanking his collars open to began sucking red marks on his pretty, fair skin, "I want to be taken care of by you. You'd like that, right? You liked knowing that you can take care of me and my needs with no problem and have me however you want."

A guttural growl left Seonghwa's lips and before you know it, Seonghwa had flipped you over so that your chest was against the cushion underneath you. It felt like your breath was knocked out of your lungs from being surprised by the sudden action and by Seonghwa's strength. At least you got another glimpse of your nerdy neighbour's athletic prowess and this time you got to experience what he was capable of first hand.

"You want me to take care of you? You want me to explore what I can do from my extensive research?" the sudden appearance of Seonghwa's low voice vibrating through the air caused electricity to shot down your spine, making it feel tingly. "Yes, please, I want to know what you're capable of, Seonghwa, please," you whined breathily, almost sounding pathetic.

Your permission was all Seonghwa needed to grab you by the waistband of your pants and pulled them down along with your underwear. It felt ridiculous that Seonghwa felt a sudden overwhelming sense of arousal just from seeing your bare ass on display for him, It wan't like he had never seen a naked ass before. For sure, he wasn't a virgin and by God, the amount of times Wooyoung and San pranked him by having their bare asses in front of his face just before he opened his eyes was astronomically embarrassing. Though he can't complain much because this was your ass and the sudden rush of adrenaline and excitement that coursed through this body made him think of the endless possibilities be it from potential kinks to positions and even frequency and volume (amount and sound). This must be how virgins on their wedding nights feel. Seonghwa couldn't help but palmed himself through the layers of clothing he had on as he slowly unbuttoned his pants, nose scrunching at the

"Don't just stare at me, do something!" you demanded, "What? You don't know what to do?" Teasing him might have been a mistake on your part because the next thing you know, Seonghwa slapped your ass harshly. Maybe he was acting out from his reflex, maybe something inside him was switched on because when he heard you yelp, he snapped out of whatever it was that made him hurt your ass and winced, momentarily turning back into the bumbling nerd you knew from before. "Oh my God, I'm sorry, (y/n), a- are you okay? I'm so sorry, I wasn't thinking," he was cringing so hard when he asked because your now red ass was glaring at him, proving that he was being harsh on you. But he was surprised when you turned around to look at him with your bottom lip between your teeth and a shy smile on your face, "N-no, Seonghwa, that was great."

God, it felt like he finally found the answer he has been looking for.

You were doing nothing but showing him a simple expression but for some reason Seonghwa found it so absolutely sexy. Pornographic even. It released the last hold Seonghwa had in himself and before you could reassure him more, Seonghwa had slipped himself into your cunt. The position you were in at the moment under him with your legs stretched back and Seonghwa's knees trapping your body by your thighs, made you feel even tighter to him. Seonghwa stilled with his eyes rolled back into their sockets as your face fell onto the cushion, the sound of you squealing from surprise muffled slightly but it was still loud enough for Seonghwa to hear. His hands found purchase on your ass, his fingers digging onto the soft flesh hard that you thought indents of his fingerprints could be found later if you look for them. "Shi- shit, Seonghwa! You could've warned me!" you whimpered once you managed to find the strength to lift your head again. "Sorry, (y/n), I- I-" he shuddered when he sunk in deeper, your warm cavern accommodating his dick beyond his imagination, "I couldn't- ah! Help myself, God, you're so f- fucking," it was hard for Seonghwa to speak because he tried pulling away once before pushing back in again and it was addicting. You were in no better shape than him. While Seonghwa's fingers dug into your ass, yours dug into his sofa cushion from pleasure. It wasn't like Seonghwa has a monster cock or anything, but for some reason it just felt right. Having him inside you just felt right to you and you were excited to feel and have more of him.

Luckily, Seonghwa started rocking his hips once the initial overwhelming intoxication ebbed away. Really, it felt like Seonghwa wasn't even moving on his own accord, it was as if something was controlling him but he didn't mind, he didn't care, not when whatever was making him move caused you to bury your face in your arms as you moaned and whined, asking, begging him to fuck you more, fuck you harder. That night, Seonghwa truly felt like his sexual urges was driving him as he suddenly grab you by your hair and pulled you up slightly. "Look," it was then that you realized that there was a window in front of you, "You look so beautifully sinful, how could you do this to me?" he grunted. It was true for one part, because it wasn't just you, it was him too, he looked absolutely delectable. You both looked straight out of a victorian pornographic painting with the warm lighting illuminating your figures and the darkness of the night sky outside the window serving as a blank canvas to accommodate the two of you.

"Shit," you gasped when you saw Seonghwa's eyebrows furrowing from the window, clenching your sopping cunt to trap Seonghwa's cock inside you. The more reaction you gave him, the more frantic Seonghwa's movements become. It was like a very intense tango with both of you giving and taking and teasing each other yet still working together in perfect harmony, synchronizing and complimenting each other like genuine art. Only if art is sweaty, messy, and noisy.

It didn't take long for Seonghwa to feel like he was nearly tipping off the edge of his climax. He was so close he could feel it on the tip of his tongue. Maybe he could thank the nights he spent fantasizing about you, those were his 'practice nights' for this day and it actually surprised him that he didn't immediately nutted inside you upon his entry. Those nights he spent fucking his pillow or humping his bed was nothing compared the feeling of your fluttering walls on his cock and your slick lubricating his movements. "I- I'm close," he huffed, hips hitting your ass sharper than before as his hands became harsher in gripping you, possessively trying to hold you as he had his way with you. "Seonghwa, cum in me," You whined, back arching with a moan following your beg. And so Seonghwa released his cum inside you at the mention of you wanting him there. His hips were stuttering slightly but the feeling of him releasing his cum inside you, having the thought of his cum mixing with your own swirling inside his head as the overstimulation creeped in was addicting. He didn't know how long he was going to cum but it felt endless. You, in the receiving end, couldn't help but tense up when Seonghwa's cum filled you to the brim. The movements he was still giving you made both of your mixed cum spill out and wetting your thighs and the sofa beneath you. The tensing muscles in your cunt, ass, and calf somehow heightened your pleasure and it made you even more aware of the presence of Seonghwa's cock still inside you.

When his movements slowed, Seonghwa's mind wound down and it was then that he realized that he had just had sex with you on his couch. Not only that, he was doing things he had never done before in a sexual way, things he had only seen people do in porn and maybe heard from his friends. He felt his chest bloom with pride but the unsureness of how you feel or how you would react prevented him from smiling out of happiness or even saying something to you.

So when you looked back at him, you had a wide grin on your face, making his heart skip a beat.

"So that's what you're into, huh? What else is on the list?"

Oh he's so fucked. Fucked in the best way.

taglist :

@hwasrie-main @yvnnieurl @kodzukein @phenomenalgirl9 @skzatzloveismonsterous @memorymonster @thesolarplanetarysystem @dreamlesswonder86 @maddiebabyxoxo @imababywolf @do-you-actually-care @marievllr-abg @ilsedingsx @wasteitonserendipity @bbymatz @noonaishere @honeyhwaaa @ateezourstars @yoonjunshi @yoongiigolden @camillelafaye @charreddonuts @jcngh0-hq @kpopnightingale @starryunho @atinct @mirror-juliet @hyuckilstan @jayb17 @kpoplover718 @imswitchbabemox @haatohwa @youngestdelacour @x-bluee @erinaimeexx @blackb3ll @mingiholic @angelicyeo @vampcharxter @meowmeowminnie @marvelous-llama @kawennote09 @hongjoong-lovebot @ming-ki @stopeatread @spooo00oky @asjkdk @shinotani

@chloepurpy @cutie-wooyo

network :

@cultofdionysusnet @kflixnet

#cultofdionysusnet #kflixnet #ateez #ateez scenario #ateez scenarios #ateez imagine #ateez imagines #ateez smut #ateez smuts

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cupcakeslushie · 8 months

Note

Hello,

HOLLY SH*T (about the last update)

When Leo gets his memories back does he also remember those (f*cking)400 days?

How would Leo have grown up to be like, if his memories weren't taken from him? (would he have become kind of like Donnie?)

will he ever open up to someone about this?

Does he have some kind of triggers left from the experience, even though his memories wee taken from it?

I adore your work and Have a great week 😁

1. 🤗

2. So, Leo’s issues are like a leak in a dam constantly trying to be held back. Kitsune’s magic can suppress or manipulate his memories, but a lot still manage to get through. Hence the need for the repeated sessions, and then later the Empyrean, to act as a booster to her magic—as Leo has built up a tolerance over the years, making it less and less effective. Leo does remember some things. Unfortunately, every time he starts to ask questions, he’s been so conditioned to seek out Kitsune to ‘fix’ his mind and suppress his emotions. But some of his memories were impossible to erase completely. They followed him around like little shadows, haunting him, and his choices. Leo is not stupid. He more discerning than he let’s on, and like Saki said, fear can be a powerful motivator. By the time Leo’s managed to claw his way up to a better position, he’s been fed so many lies that he doesn’t even trust his own reasoning. It’s just easier, and less painful to follow orders, no matter what his brain is constantly trying to tell him.

3. Tbh Leo probably wouldn’t have been very different from how he is. Shredder is a lot more…calculating in his abuse of Leo, than Draxum was for Donnie. Draxum was so unpredictable and volatile in his abuse. Everything that Donnie tried to do better, never seemed to help lessen his torture. It was just pain for the sake of pain. Shredder may be a monster, but his abuse had a goal—to make a warrior he could puppet into killing Yoshi. Saki didn’t just provide constant trauma, he gave positive reinforcement when Leo did something right, and used careful manipulation to bend Leo over to his side. All Kitsune’s spell did was make it easier and faster. If Shredder hadn’t had magic at his disposal, then it would’ve just taken more time and effort to break Leo and remold him, or Shredder might’ve just cut his losses and killed him.

4. Leo doesn’t want to burden his brothers with things that have already passed, and that feeling only gets stronger after he’s been saved from the Dark Armor. He’s constantly insisting that he doesn’t feel one way or the other from those days. It happened, but he says he feels so disconnected from it all. Leo’s earlier return to his family had already been filled with so much fighting, thanks to his withdrawals when he was first brought home causing him to act so erratic. Leo thinks as long as he’s not shouting at his brothers, or trying to attack Splinter, that he’s dealing with everything pretty well. Obviously that’s bullshit. But he’s gonna do a lot of healing during his trip with Usagi.

5. Leo’s worst triggers are when his family is in danger. Those times are when he falls back into either total bloodlust, or a more ruthless mentality, in order to protect them. Leo getting recaptured and thrown back into a cell will be like a wave of memories and trauma hitting him at full force. Like I’ve mention in point 1. He never totally forgot certain things, but the months spent free of Kitsune’s influence makes his second capture so much worse. He’ll be feeling all that fear and panic unfiltered, for the first time in years, and he’ll be able to recall the true horror of it—not the watered down, warped simulacrum Shredder wanted him to remember. Which loops back to point 4 about Leo’s lack of admitting his feelings being a coping mechanism. Once he gets rescued, unconsciously, he’s trying to mimic the dampening effect of Kitsune’s spell, by insisting through sheer force of will, that everything is fine. He can only convince himself that he’s unaffected by everything he’s experienced for so long.

6. Thank you!!! I hope you have an amazing week as well!

I’m sorry if this is kinda rambling, all these ideas be more clearly implemented in the comic, (at least I hope lol).

I also can’t remember how long ago I’ve even talked about Leo’s memory problems in one of these replies. I might be totally backtracking cause I think I’ve said before his memory was wiped completely, but I’ve been thinking it would give more complexity to his choices, if it was revealed his memory was actually more intact than Mikey’s this whole time. Mikey brain just needed a little boost from Raph, because his issue came more from him being so young that things faded over time. With Leo, it’s like a battle where his brain is trying to latch on to what it can to fight the effects of Kitsune’s spell. So his memory may be full of holes and beaten with a stick over and over, but it’s still knocking around in Leo’s head.

#rottmnt #ask slushie #rise of the tmnt #rise leo #Sep!au infodump #rottmnt separated au #separated au #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #ew au #empyrean weeping au

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imagines--galore · 13 days

Text

||The Thread of Fate|| Part Twenty

Summary: Soulmate AU. They say the Thread of Fate connects you to your one true love. It may tangle. It may stretch. But it will never break. Wrapped around your little finger it tightens when it feels your soulmate is close and loosens when they are far. And becomes visible with the colors of your soulmate’s Nation when you finally fall in love with them.

Pairing: Zuko x OroraOC (ATLA)

Rating || Genres || Warnings: T+ Romance. Adventure.

Previous Chapters - Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part Six, Part Seven, Part Eight, Part Nine, Part Ten, Part Eleven, Part Twelve, Part Thirteen, Part Fourteen, Part Fifteen, Part Sixteen, Part Seventeen, Part Eighteen, Part Nineteen

A/N: Okay so for the sake of moving things along, I'm gonna be compressing episodes together. Don't worry, we'll still get pivotal moments and plenty of angst inbetween as well as Orora's interaction with the Gaang, plus Zuko's turmoil, but just a bit fast paced cuz I know we're all excited to get to the Day of the Black Sun. One more thing, this chapter tends to get a little.....dark at some points. Orora is dealing with the trauma of Zuko betraying her, and Zuko is just warring with himself. So yeah, neither teenager is in a good place right now. BUT! Other then that! Happy reading lovelies!

He was tossing and turning in his sleep. Half formed thoughts and lucid dreams plagued his mind. Nothing made sense.

Nothing except...........the thought of her.

Opening his eyes, he was greeted with the sight of Orora sitting on the edge of his bed. "Can't sleep huh?" She asked, sounding just as amused as he remembered.

Ignoring her, he sat up, running a hand down his face. "So whats on your mind?" She asked, standing to move around the room. "The Fire Lord?" He shook his head, though he was lying. "Azula?" Another shake of his head. "Aang?" She sounded a lot closer.

He was about to shake his head when something compelled him to look up and meet her gaze. It was almost scary, how clearly his mind could conjure her. And not just the physical aspect of her. He could actually imagine her warmth, and smell the perfume she had taken to wearing in Ba Sing Se.

"Of course, you're not thinking of me." She continued, sitting in front of him. "I mean why would you? I mean nothing to you." The look she fixed him with was once more a mirror image of what he remembered from the catacombs. His heart leaped in his throat.

A sudden flicker of color had his eyes darting towards the string on his finger.

It glowed a feeble blue, before disappearing.

He looked back up.

She was gone.

————————–

"I think I see a cave below." Aang called out from beside her, though she could barely see through the cloud that drifted around them.

Sokka hushed him instantly. "Shh! Keep quiet!" Orora rolled her eyes as she scratched Momo behind the head. "Sokka, I doubt anyone is around this place for miles." She pointed out to which Sokka shot her a glare.

Appa landed as Aang dissipated the cloud he had been airbending around them. Sokka jumped down and looked around suspiciously before crossing his arms and turning to look at the rest of them as they disembarked from the Bison.

He looked so much like a father disappointed at his children that Orora had to suppress a smile to lest she annoy him further.

"Great job with the cloud camo." He praised Aang, to which the young Avatar smiled. "But next time, let's disguise ourselves as the kind of cloud that knows how to keep its mouth shut." He ended, before moving to look around once more.

"You gonna check under the rocks for booby traps Sokka?" Orora called out, unable to keep from taking a jab at the boy's suspicious nature.

Toph, who was standing next to her, and who also couldn't let such a golden tease Sokka opportunity go to waste added. "Yeah, we wouldn't want a bird to hear us chatting up there and turn us in." Aang and Katara, who had been holding back their smiles, smothered their giggles.

His face set in an annoyed scowl, Sokka rounded on all four of them. "Hey, we're in enemy territory." He pointed above his head where a few birds sat atop the boulder right behind him. "Those are enemy birds." He whispered harshly. One of the Toucan Puffin jumped onto his head and screeched.

"Maybe he thinks your ponytail is a friend." This time the other three did start laughing out loud as they walked towards the cave Aang had seen earlier. Grumbling under his breath, Sokka followed after them, though he did not stop in his.........reconnaissance. He brushed past Orora, prompting the girl to scowl at him in annoyance.

The group stood around as Sokka continued to investigate, and once he was satisfied he stood up straight and grinned. "Well, this is it. This is how we'll be living until the invasion begins. Hiding in cave after cave after cave after cave." His head fell lower and lower as his voice lost the enthusiasm behind it and his shoulders slumped.

Katara rolled her eyes at her brother's antics. "Sokka, we don't need to become cave people. What we need is some new clothes." She said, gesturing to herself as well as the rest of the group. Aside from Sokka, who wore the Fire Nation Soldier uniform, all four of them were wearing clothes of their respective nations, except for Orora, with cloaks thrown over their shoulders.

Orora glanced down at herself and grimaced. "Yeah, I think red on green is a little out of fashion." She flicked the front of her dress in annoyance. "Besides if we get Fire Nation clothes we can just walk around in the open no?" She continued, turning to look at her friends.

Aang nodded. "Yeah, blending in is better than hiding out. If we get Fire Nation disguises, we would be just as safe as we would be hiding in a cave." He finished with a big grin.

Having taken to sitting down on the stone floor, Toph nodded. "Plus, they have real food out there. Does anyone want to sit in the dirt and eat cave hoppers?" The girl punched the side of the cave, causing several hoppers to jump out. Feeling a shiver run up her spine, Orora quickly stepped a little ways away from the creepy crawlies, and tried very hard not to look at Momo who was chomping on one of them.

Sokka sighed before looking at Momo. "Looks like we got outvoted, sport." He said, before cheerfully proclaiming. "Let's get some new clothes."

Seems the thought of not living in a cave all the time cheered him up.

And for once luck was on their side.

All five of them crouched behind a rock that overlooked a Fire Nation home with a waterfall nearby. There were rows upon rows of clothes hanging over natural steam vents. As her blue eyes darted from one clothing item to the next, Orora contemplated on what to take.

"I don't know about this." Aang whispered. "These clothes belong to somebody."

Katara, who had been on her one side, jumped out from behind the rock. "I call the silk robe!" She called, grabbing two outfits.

The other waterbender was quick to follow. "No fair Katara! I had my eye on that!"

Aang blinked as the two girls began to race between the maze of clothes, darting to and fro, examining clothes, and picking the ones they liked and leaving what they didn't. "But if it's essential to our survival." He mused, before he too perked up and jumped over the rock. "Then I call the suit!"

Though there was a flurry of activity inbetween the clothing lines, each of them was discrete as they grabbed clothes here and there. Anything they wouldn't need would be returned, but for now grabbing as many garments seemed to be the best way to go about it.

Soon they had all picked out their clothes and moved away to quickly change. Orora looked at what she had picked out. A pair of pants that slid over her legs, sitting loosely and ending just below her knees. Pulling the laces on the edge, she was able to create a slight ruffle once she tied it up. She paired it with a shin length skirt wrapped around her waist, but had made a slight modification by splitting the sides of the skirt to allow her legs to move better.

Her top was a deep red bandeau, with gold accents along the edges, that left her shoulders and part of her navel bare, revealing soft brown skin. She pulled on a pair of armbands that came up to her elbows. They were the same color as the top, and the ends were tipped in gold.

A nearby shed had revealed several shoes within. With a shoe size that was a little tough to find, Orora had taken the first one that fit her. They were a dark brown with a golden stripe down the front to the tip and came up to her calf. Pulling them on, she turned her attention to her reflection.

Now that her hair was long enough, she was able to make a braid that circled around her head like a crown, keeping stray strands out of her face.

Pursing her lips, she twisted this way and that, wanting to see herself from all angles. It wasn't her first choice of outfit, but she didn't have many options. Besides, it felt strange to be wearing red when all she associated with that color was fear.

She missed wearing blue, the girl suddenly realized, sighing to herself. Now she understood why Zuko had hated the colors of the Earth Kingdom. He had missed the colors of his Nation.

A scowl creased her features. Why had she just thought of him? He didn't even deserve a single second of her time.

Growling to herself, and ignoring the way her heart twinged, she bundled up her clothes and threw them into the river, causing her reflection to ripple.

————————–

Once they had all reconvened, the small group walked into the nearby city to purchase some other items they needed. Accessories to go with their now outfits.

Katara bought a new necklace, swapping the one she wore. Toph chose a headband, Sokka picked out a top knot. Aang, already wearing a headband, didn't pick anything out. Orora took a simple hair clip that would keep her braid in place.

Now for the next problem.

Food.

"I'm starving!" Toph groaned. Her complain was followed by a rumble from her stomach. Katara smiled as she patted Toph's shoulder in reassurance. "Don't worry, that's what we're gonna do next."

Before stepping out into the street, they stood behind a wall, waiting for Aang to finish hiding Momo.

Seeing him pat down Momo's ears and hide him inside his shirt, Orora raised an eyebrow. "You sure he won't get out Aang?" She asked, to which he grinned. "Momo knows how to keep still, don't you buddy?" He nearly stuck his face into his shirt. The poor animal responded with a series of chitters.

"I used to visit my friend Kuzon here a hundred years ago." Aang said in a cheerful tone. "So, everyone just follow my lead and stay cool. Or, as they say in the Fire Nation, 'stay flamin'." He walked out from behind the building. With a brief look of confusion she shared with Katara, the rest of the followed after him.

As they looked for a restaurant, Aang continued to greet people n the strange lingo he had learned a hundred years ago. "If he keeps saying that we're definitely gonna get noticed." Toph stated.

Finally finding a restaurant, they all moved to step inside but Aang stopped. "Oh, we're going to a meat place?"

Sokka shrugged. "Come on, Aang, everyone here eats meat. Even the meat!" He pointed towards a hippocow who was consuming a piece of meat.

Aang grimaced. "You guys go ahead. I'll just get some lettuce out of the garbage." Katara waved at him before they entered the building. "Stay out of trouble." Orora called over her shoulder. Aang gave her a playful salute.

————————–

It turns out, she didn't have much of an appetite.

And given that she felt a little restless, Orora decided to walk back to the cave by herself, leaving Sokka to nearly eat the whole restaurant out.

She took her time, looking around at the buildings, and watching the Fire Nation civilians go about their everyday lives. It seemed so strange, to be walking through the enemy and have them acting so normal. Then again they were normal. None of them were soldiers. She doubted any of them had anything to do with the war.

The young waterbender took a long while walking around and just exploring, and it wasn't until it was sundown, that she realized that it was getting late.

Changing course, she walked out of town following the stream towards the cave they would be staying in for the next few days. As she walked, her gaze slowly began to shift to the babbling stream she walked alongside.

Her steps slowed, and soon she came to a stop.

The girl stood there, staring at the water as it rushed by. Ever changing, ever shifting.

It followed it's own course, she thought, just like she had. And yet the stream seemed to have made its way in the world with no obstacles, so why couldn't she do the same?

Her obstacle wasn't physical. It was mental and emotional.

Since Ba Sing Se, she had kept her attention towards her friends and their well-being. There had never been a moment when she had been alone. And if she happened to be alone, she would try to distract herself by either training or wandering around, just as she had done just now around the town.

Now?

She was alone.

With nothing but her thoughts, and the stream for company.

And her mind went to the one person she had no desire to think of and yet.......he was always there.

At the back of her mind.

Zuko.

Her soulmate.

The boy who had decided to return to the Fire Nation. To a father who had banished him. Had burned him.

What Orora couldn't wrap her head around was the fact that he had just............left.

He'd just left.

Her and his Uncle.

Had he not thought of how his actions would effect either of them?

Had he not loved his Uncle?

Love.

She........didn't think he loved her. But he did at least care for her.

Didn't he?

Or rather hadn't he?

Did he still think about her? Or had he already forgotten all that they had shared in Ba Sing Se? All those moments when it looked like they were progressing with their friendship. All those talks they had had, sharing everything with each other.

Had all that amounted to..........nothing?

Was she nothing to him?

Had she not been enough?

That strange sensation began to creep up her throat again, she gulped it back but it took her a couple of tries before it disappeared.

She stared into the watery depths of the stream, completely missing the way her string glowed a dull red for a second before disappearing.

"Orora?"

The sound of her name suddenly echoed in her ears and she blinked. Shaking her head to clear herself of the fog that seemed to have descended upon her, the girl quickly turned her head to the source of the sound.

Aang looked at her from where he stood a few feet away, covered in dirt. "Are you alright? I've been calling out to you for a long time now?" He asked, concern in his grey eyes.

"I'm......fine." She finally responded, pushing away her morbid thoughts and forcing herself to pay attention to Aang. "Why're you covered in dirt?" She asked, wanting to change the subject lest the boy pick up on what had her mind so occupied.

He rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "I went to play hide and explode with some new friends of mine." He said. Orora raised an eyebrow. "Uh huh, and where exactly did you make these friends?" From what the others had told her, Aang had the tendency to make friends wherever he went.

Aang grinned. "At school."

That was not the answer she had been expecting.

She blinked.

"Say what?"

————————–

Twice now he had gone to the prison.

The first time he had turned back, not even making it t the door. The second time he had walked in, threatened a guard before entering the one cell room he had been dreading to.

His Uncle's.

Not that going there had done him any good.

His Uncle had not spoken a word, and the already panicked and confused Prince had shouted a few choice words before going back the way he came.

It wasn't until the next morning, when he woke up and was playing around with his breakfast instead of actually eating it, did he realize that all that anger and confusion had morphed into something else completely.

Guilt and shame.

Zuko had wanted nothing more then to forget about it, to go about his day as if nothing had happened the night before. So when Mai had suggested that they take a private stroll to the nearby rocky outcrop that provided gorgeous views of the landscape he had almost said yes.

What had stopped him?

Memories of a blue eyed girl.

Her smile. Her presence. Her kindness. Her words. Her comfort. Her voice. Her hugs. Her laughter. Her smile. Her.............kiss.

"Thanks Mai, but I want to be alone right now." He finally responded. She gave a frown, her lips pinched.

"You know I'm getting tired of throwing hints and you not picking up on them Zuko." He flinched, thinking that maybe he had been a little dismissive of Mai's efforts to win him over.

There would have been a time when he would have actually reciprocated her feelings, and enjoyed them as well.

Now?

Now the very thought of even spending time with Mai had him feeling guilty.

As if he were going behind Orora's back.

Which was ridiculous, because they hadn't even been together officially. They'd just been friends.

But.....friends didn't kiss like they did.

Soulmates did.

Neither of them had thought of accepting the bond either, really they'd never even talked about it.

Mai had already walked off, and Zuko had barely noticed. His eyes were slightly glazed as he focused on the image of the water tribe girl he had called his friend for so many months.

If she were to see him now, she wouldn't be able to recognize him, he was sure.

Guilt and shame returned tenfold.

Though it was futile, he figured a walk along the same route Mai had suggested would do him some good. Pretty soon he was sitting atop a large flat boulder, one leg hanging over the side while the other he had pulled up so he could rest his arm on his knee.

The sun had just begun to set, casting gorgeous red, orange and yellow hues all around. He closed his eyes.

"You know its funny."

His eyes shot open and he turned his head. Orora was sitting beside him, knees pulled up to her chest. For the first time since his return home, there was a small smile playing about her lips. He stared, stunned.

"While we were in Ba Sing Se, we saw the night sky, and we watched a couple of sunrises together. But never a sunset." She turned her head so she could look at him. "I wonder why is that."

Feeling his own lips pull into a small smile. "Probably because we were too tired from being in the tea shop all day." He responded to which she sighed and nodded. "Yeah.......I just wish we had watched one together."

She lay her hands flat on either side of her body, leaning back on her arms, tilting her head back as she took in the last bit of warmth.

Zuko stared.

How was it that such a simple act would make her appear even more pretty then she already was? Had she always been this beautiful, or was his mind making her appear even more so then she already was?

Reaching out, he gently took her hand in his. Orora looked at him, surprise evident across her features. But Zuko was hardly aware of that, as he concentrated on the feel of her hand in his. Her scent as it surrounded him. And her presence that had always calmed him.

And yet.........the guilt..........the shame lingered.......

"I'm surprised to find you here by yourself Zuko. I figured you would be with Mai."

His eyes shot open and his head whipped to the side to see his sister leaning against a nearby rock wall. Her signature smirk was present across her lips as she looked at him.

"What do you want Azula?" He asked, turning his head back to it's original placement. Walking to stand in front of him, Azula cut straight to the point.

"So, I've heard you've been to visit your uncle fatso in the prison tower." Her words prompted him to slide down and stand in front of her, hands fisted in anger and glaring at her.

"That guard told you." He growled angrily, to which Azula shook her head, her smirk growing.

"No." She said, as calm as could be. "You did. Just now."

He wanted to kick himself for his own stupidity. Why did he have to go and fall for Azula's tricks every time. Still he stepped away from her and sighed. "Okay, you caught me. What is it that you want, Azula?"

His sister shrugged. "Actually, nothing." He stared up at her in disbelief. "Believe it or not, I'm looking out for you. If people find out you've been to see Uncle, they'll think you're plotting with him. Just be careful, Dum-Dum."

With that she walked off, leaving Zuko to think over what had just happened. There had to be an agenda behind her little visit. Azula didn't speak to him unless she wanted something. Or when she wanted to torment him and make his life miserable.

Too late for that, he mused to himself, lifting the hand that had held Orora's so many times.

He was already miserable.

The thread flickered a feeble blue before disappearing.

————————–

This was rather strange for lack of a better word.

She'd attended partied growing up, but they had all been rather stiff and solemn affairs.

And there was nothing stiff and solemn about the dance party Aang had decided to throw.

Kids dancing, laughing, chatting and just generally being......kids.

She stood in the corner beside the table Toph and Katara occupied, sipping from her the cup the former had earthbended for their use. The cave looked gorgeous, with hundreds of candles flickering against the walls. Music filled the air as Aang taught his new friends all the dance moves he knew from a hundred years ago.

"Who knew Twinkle-toes could dance." Toph said as she sipped her drink.

"Hope those dances are still relevant." Orora added, smiling to herself as Aang began to pull a few girls to the dance floor, who followed eagerly. Her eyes shot to Katara, and she couldn't help but purse her lips to keep from laughing at the annoyed look on the girl's face.

But she didn't have to wait long. Aang approached Katara, holding out his hand and asking her for a dance.

Orora couldn't help but smile brightly as the both of them ran to the dance floor hand in hand.

Everyone stopped what they were doing and simply stared at the two dancers. Orora recognized the dance. It was actually a series of waterbending forms that required two people to perform together. Looks like Aang had decided to put a little spin on his and Katara's fighting skills to other use.

She sighed.

They looked so happy, smiling and laughing as they glided across the floor. They deserved it. The both of them had seen too many horrors and just deserved to be happy with each other. Anyone could see why they were picked to be soulmates. If they decided to tell anyone that is.

They just fit together.

Like two pieces of a puzzle.

Like.........

Like her and Zuko had been.

Her heart constricted painfully in her chest, prompting her to gulp down her drink, as if it would get rid of the pain. Though the ache remained. While Orora went off to refill her cup, Toph's unblinking eyes followed her retreating back.

This wasn't the first time the young earthbender had picked up on the weird anomaly. And she was starting to wander what it was all about.

————————–

He was back again.

He didn't know why he kept coming back. Call it desperation. His Uncle had always been the one he turned to during his hour of need. It was upon returning to the Fire Capital that Zuko realized he had no one other then his Uncle who could give him advice and whom he could trust.

Despite the guilt he felt every time he visited him, Zuko always pushed past it.

Why?

He was getting desperate.

As he slid some food through the bars of the prison behind which his Uncle sat, he couldn't help but feel that guilt increase tenfold as he wandered what kind of food were they even giving him.

If he received any food at all.

"I brought you some komodo chicken. I know you don't care for it, but I figure it beats prison food." He said, his low voice echoing against the cold stone walls of the prison.

"I admit it." He began again after a beat of silence. "I have everything I always wanted." Not everything, an inner voice supplied, conjuring up an image of a certain waterbender girl with white in her hair. "But it's not as all how I thought it would be. The truth is, I need your advice."

Leaning forward he gripped the bars of the door. "I think the Avatar is still alive, I know he's out there, I'm losing my mind." His Uncle did not even respond. Growing desperate by the moment, Zuko continued.

"Please, Uncle, I'm so confused I need your help." His words were met with silence. All that fear, guilt and loneliness boiled down to one emotion.

Anger.

Anger he let out on his Uncle as he suddenly stood.[Iroh still has nothing to say to him. "Forget it." He declared, his hands shook with anger as he began to walk out of the room. "I'll solve it myself! Waste away in here for all I care!"

A voice called out.

"Is this how you behave with your elders Zuko?"

The boy in question whipped his head around to see Orora standing next to his Uncle behind bars. She was looking at him with such disappointment. "Stay out of it Orora!" He commanded, before walking out and slamming the door behind him.

Behind him Iroh looked up, wandering why his nephew would say such a thing. The thought of his young pupil had the old Master hoping and praying that she was safe.

Two lone tears slid down his cheek.

One for his nephew, who had lost his way, and one for his pupil, who had lost everything.

————————–

It had to be done.

This was the final resort.

He was desperate.

There was nothing else he could do.

As the man he had hired approached, Zuko lowered his hood and looked at him. "You're sure you weren't followed?" He asked the giant of a man with the metal leg. The towering figure gave no response.

"I've heard about you." Zuko continued. "They say you're good at what you do, and even better at keeping secrets." This was it. His chance to keep what he deserved.

"The Avatar is alive." He revealed, a slight tremor in his voice as he continued. "I want you to find him, and end him." After a few moments, the man nodded in confirmation. Satisfied, Zuko pulled back his hood. His heart clenched in his chest, and his stomach flipped. Despite the fact that he had hardly eaten throughout the day, he felt like he was going to be sick. He quickly hurried off, as the urge to take back his order rose in him in a wave of guilt and shame.

No sooner had he disappeared from view when another hooded figure approached, though this figure did not remove their hood, anyone who knew them would recognize the voice.

"You heard what my brother said. And no matter what, do not stop for anything."

The voice continued, smooth and without the slightest bit of tremor as it gave the orders to kill. "I will pay you thrice as much as he does if you follow my orders, and four times my weight in gold if you return with one of the Avatar's companions."

The man blinked at the figure.

"A watertribe girl, with white in her hair." Anyone else who heard the voice, would be able to pick up on the absolute glee in the person's tone.

After all, there was nothing Princess Azula loved more then tormenting her brother.

————————–

She stared into the murky waters of the river.

The voices of the rest of the group were muffled behind her as she sat a little ways apart from them.

They had arrived at the river with the town situated in the middle of it. Calling it a town was a bit of a stretch. It was nothing more then series of planks nailed together to form streets, with people living out in the open with nothing to protect them from the natural elements.

But that wasn't what had gotten to her.

It was the people.

People who were sick, children who looked like they hadn't eaten a proper meal in days. Her heart physically ached at the sight. She'd moved to suggest that they help them, with Katara taking her side, but Sokka had stopped them. They couldn't reveal who they were by using Healing abilities.

He was right though. They had to think practically. And though it went against her very nature to not help, Orora kept her gaze forward, not wanting to meet the eyes of some destitute soul she had the ability to save but couldn't.

Besides, she doubted she would be able to help anyone much, what with her own lack of strength. For the past couple of days her appetite had been completely non-existent, and she was barely sleeping. She would doze off, but then as she would begin to fall deeper into sleep, Orora would forcefully jerk herself awake.

Why?

Because of the nightmares.

Nightmares that were just as horrible as the one from the previous night, if not more. All of them included someone she loved getting hurt or tortured or being killed.

And she couldn't take it.

She just couldn't take it.

"Hey?" She blinked as her head turned to the side and watched as Aang sat down beside her. Aang. The sweetest boy she would ever meet. With a fate that was so difficult and full of obstacles that she didn't think was fair to him. He deserved so much more. So much more then always being on the run, never being a kid all the time like he was supposed to. Loosing his people, his friends, his loved ones at the hands of a mad Fire Lord. He had died, and yet somehow, he still retained his sweet nature.

How could fate be so cruel to him?

"Enjoying the view?" He asked, referring to the polluted river in a joking manner. The older girl attempted to smile, but it was a grimace at best. As she turned her gaze towards the heavens where the moon had appeared out from behind the clouds Aang frowned.

Something was wrong.

Her lips parted as she spoke. "Its strange, how fate gives you something, but then takes it away again. These people have this river, but their own superiors have taken it away from them for their own gain." She hardly blinked as her eyes shifted from the moon to the lake. "Makes you question everything, doesn't it?" She muttered, a strange look in her eyes, never once wavering from the murky water in front of her.

Beside her Aang blinked, his eyes darted to the half-eaten bowl of food beside her. "Are you.......feeling alright Orora?" He asked, the worry evident in his tone and his eyes as he reached out to place a tentative hand on her shoulder.

He felt her tense under his touch. Her back straightened, her racing mind suddenly coming to a halt.

"I'm fine Aang."

Lie.

"Are you talking about the river or about someone else?" Aang asked, testing the waters, hoping he didn't say the wrong thing.

Someone else.

Zuko.

He meant Zuko.

Her soulmate.

In a way, she was addressing him as well. Or rather she was addressing the way she had lost him. Had she lost him though? Had he ever been hers to behind with?

He had been the one to turn his back on her. To attack her friends meant to attack her.

She blinked, her eyes heavy with sleep yet she couldn't go to sleep. She wouldn't.

Not when it meant she had to see Zuko hurt or dead over and over again.

He was gone from her life, but that did not mean she did not miss him. She did.

But now was not the time to dwell on that. Instead, the older girl shrugged her shoulders in a silent response. Aang seemed to accept it, since he fell silent next to her.

Orora stayed there for a few more minutes before she stood up, getting ready to go to bed.

The food she barely touched, she gave to Momo.

————————–

Orora laughed as she pulled him along through the streets of Ba Sing Se.

"Come on Zuko! The fireworks are about to start and I'm not going to miss them." She called over her shoulder. Dropping his hand so he would follow on his own, she turned a corner disappearing from view.

Zuko smiled as he walked after her at a much normal pace.

"If I run after you anyone might mistake me for a robber chasing you or something." He called in a playful tone, as he too turned a corner and came to an open courtyard.

The scene that greeted him had the smile dying on his lips, and his amber eyes to widen in fear and panic.

There stood his father and sister, in full Royal Attire, with more then a handful of soldiers standing behind them.

But that wasn't what got his attention.

It was the sight of Orora, shackled and in his sister's grasp. There were chains on her wrists, around her throat and even her ankles. Her clothes were torn, her hair hanging in front of her lowered face as she knelt in front of his family.

"Zuko, you did not tell me you found your soulmate." Ozai spoke in a pleasant tone as he regarded his son with a look that had always frozen him in place. "That is the sort of news a son shares with his father. I had thought perhaps we were more closer then before your banishment."

The scene around him had changed.

He now stood in the courtyard of the Fire Palace, though the scene in front of him stayed the same.

His soulmate.

In chains.

Azula sighed. "Oh Zuzu, why do you insist on keeping secrets from your own family?" She purred in a tone that had more of a thread behind it then a question.

"Father, I-" He started but then fell silent when his Father held up a hand.

He shook his head. "Not a word Zuko. I would much prefer to hear a few certain words from your lovely soulmate here."

With that the Fire Lord walked forward, only to yank one of the chains. It was connected to the shackle around Orora's throat. The yank forced her to tilt her head back.

Zuko nearly threw up.

Her lips were bloody, her nose broken with dried blood staining her upper lip. One of her eyes was black, while the other was completely shut because of the swelling. There were numerous cuts and bruises all across her once unmarred brown skin.

But worst of all?

There was a burn mark on her cheek. As if she had been slapped by a hand holding a flame.

"Now my dear, I want you to take a good look at my son and tell me." He pulled the chain, forcing her to turn her head to look at him. Tears filled his eyes at the sight of her beautiful face, her one good eye betraying no emotion.

"Is he your soulmate?"

A beat of silence, where Zuko held his breath.

But then he saw it.

A lone tear escaping her one good eye.

Then she spoke the words that had his heart stopping in his chest.

"No, he's not."

His heart shattered.

————————–

With a heartbreaking cry, Zuko shot awake, his arm held out in front of him as if he were reaching for something.

For someone.

His chest rose and fell as he panted for breath, sweat lined his body as his mind played the nightmare in his mind over and over again. He could even feel sweat on his face and getting into his eyes since they were stinging so much.

He buried his head in his hands, curling in on himself where he sat.

How could he ever have thought it? How could he ever have thought of bringing Orora here? His Father would never have accepted her as his soulmate. His sister would've tormented her every single day. She wouldn't have been safe.

His eyes stung and he brushed away the sweat that stained his cheeks. Suddenly he stopped, staring at the drops of sweat that shone on his palm.

Not sweat, tears.

He was crying.

He was crying because he had nearly brought Orora to certain death if he had asked her to come with him.

What had he been thinking?

The window beside his bed was open, casting the light of the full moon on his bed. Despite the horrifying nightmare still plaguing him, he turned his head to look at the moon.

"That was horrible wasn't it?" Orora asked from where she sat at the foot of his bed. He always turned to look at her whenever she would appear like this.

But right then, he couldn't.

The image of her so hurt and burned was still too fresh in his mind.

"Don't worry, I've had the same dreams. Though in mine everyone I care about or love always die."

Finally, he turned his head, only to meet her gaze and having his heart stop.

She looked so sad.

So utterly heartbroken.

He had done that to her, he suddenly realized as she stood to walk up next to him beside the bed. He had made her so incredibly unhappy because of his choice. Because he had wanted his old life back.

He had thrown everything they had in her face and just left her.

His stomach roiled inside him, and if he had anything in it, Zuko was sure he would throw up.

She was standing in a patch of moonlight, appearing as ethereal as the Moon Spirit herself as she looked at him. His mouth opened, wanting to say something, anything to her.

But she beat him to it.

"I hope you found whatever it was you were looking for Zuko. I hope it was all worth it in the end."

He blinked and she was gone.

————————–

"Hey guys, we need to talk." Katara called out to everyone, minus Orora. The older girl had volunteered to go get some food from the nearby town they had saved a few days ago.

"About your hair loopies and how out of fashion they were so you're gonna keep this hairstyle instead?" Sokka quipped from where he was cleaning his brand new sword.

His sister glared at him. "No, this is serious. Its about Orora." Her glare melted away to a look of concern. "I'm worried about her." She revealed. Almost instantly the very atmosphere of their small camp became somber. Sokka put his sword down, Toph stopped tossing the space rock in the air, and Aang paused where he had been playing with Momo.

"She's not acting like herself." Katara continued, worry evident in her tone as she spoke. Aang sat up straighter. "You've noticed it too?" He asked, wanting to confirm her words. Sokka frowned in thought where he sat, a hand coming up to stroke his chin in thought.

"Come to think of it, she has been acting a little strange the past few days." He commented. "I mean every time I wake up at night to use the little boy's bush, she's always awake. No matter what time of night."

Aang nodded. "Yeah I mean, have you seen the circles under her eyes, and she hasn't been practicing her bending either. When was the last time any of you saw her actually practice. She was so strict about it in the first week or so since we left the ship."

Pursing her lips Katara stepped forward. "Its not just that, I've noticed she's not eating enough. She's even thinner then when we started traveling through the Fire Nation. And I've seen her give her food to Momo or Appa most of the time." Toph, not wanting to keep what she had discovered to herself sat up.

"Guys, there's something else I've noticed." She revealed. As everyone stared at her eagerly, she continued. "Sometimes, I feel her heart pause before picking back up again." She frowned. "Its strange as if her heart.......skipped a beat or something."

Aang's eyes widened in horror, a thought forming in his mind as Katara spoke. "But isn't that dangerous? Does she have a heart condition we don't know about?" She asked, looking around the group the worry clear in her eyes. Sokka, noticing Aang's expression frowned.

"You okay there Aang?" He called out, to which the younger boy pursed his lips. "I am, but I think I know why Orora is acting the way she is." He revealed. The other three stepped forward, demanding to know what he knew.

They were all worried about Orora. Where she had been the one to get them to get up every morning during those horrible days when Aang was in a coma, now she was the last one up. She would go about her day in a strange way, as if she had no desire to do what she was tasked to do.

Aang held up a placating hand. "Look what I know, I can reveal until I ask Orora. Its her secret, and I don't want to betray her. But!" He called over the sounds of protests that greeted his words. "I have an idea."

Quickly pulling out a map of the Fire Nation, he spread it on the ground. The rest of them crouched over it, heads brushing together. "We're near this waterfall and its surrounded by a lot of rocks so that will give us some cover to just have a mini-vacation." He looked at each of his friends. "We'll stay there for a few days and maybe, without the constant moving around, Orora will be able to rest properly, and even tell us whats bothering her."

Everyone looked to Sokka for confirmation, hoping that the little detour wouldn't come in the way of the route he had designed for them. But Sokka wasn't even thinking of that. He was thinking of his friend, and how sad she appeared all the time.

Her sadness was familiar to him.

Somehow.

The sadness in her eyes, was the same he had carried after Yue had died.

Nodding in determination he grinned. "Alright then Gaang. Operation Get Orora To Her Normal Self will launch tomorrow."

————————–

It was late at night, and he was sitting beside the pond he had frequented so often with his mother. The garden was empty, silence surrounded him as he stared into the clear water of the pond, the moon shining her light down on it, reflecting her silvery glow against the flat surface.

————————–

It was late at night, and she was sitting in front of the fire, while everyone else slept around her. The silence of the night was broken by the sound of fire crackling and the occasional snapping of a twig whenever the fire would eat away at the flesh of the wood. The warmth of the fire enveloped her.

————————–

He was sitting with his legs pressed to his chest, his chin resting between his knees. While one arm was wrapped around his legs, the other was held aloft in front of him, his fingers holding up the small comb he had found laying on the battle-ridden floor of the catacombs.

————————–

She was sitting with her legs pressed to her chest, her chin resting between her knees. Both her arms were wrapped around her legs, keeping herself in a semi fetal position as she stared into the fire. The fire continued to flicker, casting strange shadows against her brown skin.

————————–

This was all he had left to remember her by. A comb. A blue comb with a dragon. Ironic that it was a dragon since it was the symbol for fire. Ironic that it was blue, the color of her Nation. Or more specifically, her eyes.

Her gorgeous ice blue eyes.

————————–

The fire was all she had left to remember him by. The fire that burned within him. The fire that burned in his hands when he fought an opponent. Maybe it was her imagination, but if she stared hard enough, she could picture his eyes looking back at her through the fire.

His beautiful warm amber eyes.

————————–

His heart clenched in his chest, so painful that he actually grunted softly from the pain of it. His mind conjured memory after memory. Memories of her. Of the brief life they had shared before and in Ba Sing Se. All those moments where nothing else had mattered.

Nothing except her.

————————–

Her heart clenched in her chest, so painful that she actually grunted softly from the pain of it. Her mind conjured memory after memory. Memories of him. Of the brief life they had shared before and in Ba Sing Se. All those moments where nothing else had mattered.

Nothing except him.

————————–

He brought the comb to his chest, as if it would alleviate the pain he felt.

————————–

She had nothing to comfort her, nothing to remember him by except her memories.

————————–

He now understood why he was seeing her everywhere. Why everything he did reminded him of her. Why she plagued his mind no matter the time of day or night. Why he could not eat or sleep.

————————–

She now understood why she was feeling the way she did. Why everything she did reminded her of him. Why he plagued her mind no matter the time of day or night. Why he could not eat of sleep.

————————–

He just missed her so much.

————————–

She just missed him so much.

————————–

As they both buried heir faces in their arms, Zuko with tears stinging his eyes, and Orora with a vacant emotionless expression on her face, they both missed the way their strings glowed.

And they continued to glow throughout the night.

Fate had intended them to see the light, yet neither of them saw it.

Instead they each succumbed deeper and deeper into their mutual pits of utter despair and hopelessness.

————————–

Tag List - @wavesofchaos @violet-potter @rennysketch @emma-andrea1 @lovesammikinzz @fuzzyfestcat @msrawog @notsaelty @lust-for-pan @aces-tattooartist @jinxxangel13 @lotr-got @bitterspoons @realrintaro @gatorgirl151 @inutheangel @heartfully10 @lucaaahhh @juniper-july19 @anuttellaa @gfksz @bussyvussy @punksnotdeadbutiam @ablofftoneverland-blog-blog @slut-for-menn @vyliie @army-moa75 @juwhls

#the thread of fate #zuko imagine #zuko x reader #fire lord zuko #atla zuko #prince zuko #zuko #avatar the last airbender #the gaang #zuko x oc #prince zuko x oc #prince zuko x reader #avatar the last airbender fanfiction #avatar: the last airbender #avatar #netflix avatar #avatar aang

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theapocalypseisonlythebeginning · 1 month

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Of Daughters and Bonding - The Ghoul & Lucy MacLean

Fandom: Fallout TV Show

Characters: Lucy MacLean, The Ghoul (Cooper Howard)

Relationships: Platonic, friendship, father daughter

Summary: “What’s that grin fer?”

“I knew there was good in you. I mean… I really really really doubted it, but no one is completely bad.” She stood up, collecting her belongings with a spring to her steps. “Thanks.”

Now travelling companions, the Ghoul and Lucy bond as she reminds him of his daughter...

Warning: Under the cut there are major spoilers for the Fallout tv show. Please use caution when reading 🖤 this is set after s.1!

Tag list: @nowandthane @fizzyxcustard

Please let me know if you want to be added or removed from my tag list :3

His daughter would think him a monster.

He distorted his own mirrored image by thrusting his cupped hands into the small puddle of water. Slurping loudly, he pretended not to be listening to Lucy’s rambling. He was though. But his mind was also very distracted by other fears…

Other fears than the Brotherhood having Cold Fusion: unending Power both through electricity and control over electricity. People in the Wasteland wanted – no, needed power. With power comes food, water, shelter... And with people wanting it, the Brotherhood can take control of people. As if they didn’t already. Anywhere they went, they seized everything in the name of their so called brotherhood.

Lucy thought this was a pretty good thing but-

"Ain't nothin' good gonna come off of the Brotherhood in charge." The Ghoul stood up with a groan, wiping his mouth dry with his sleeve.

"Maximus is a good guy."

He began walking with a roll of his eyes, the girl following him quickly. "A couple good guys don't stop all the bad."

Lucy had wanted to keep arguing, to keep defending those knights that seemed to be nice and helpful to the people from what she had seen so far... but that was just it, wasn't it? She'd only really met Maximus, and briefly that Thaddeus guy. She didn't actually know what the Brotherhood was. Her silence gave that much away. He smirked a bit, but didn’t turn his head to check on her. That might make her keep talking.

But that wasn't what had silenced her. It was the Ghoul's tone. Lucy had travelled with the man for quite some time before their current deal of companionship, and now it had been a couple of days. As mysterious as he tried to be, he really wasn’t. It was easy to read him. When he meant something deeper, it was obvious in his voice. There was an intelligence behind all that gun wielding aggression. He knew things. And it was obvious to Lucy.

…

"Were you speaking from experience?"

Cooper offered her one confused look, then went back to his own things.

“Earlier when you said those things about the Brotherhood and ‘one good thing’… Were you speaking from experience?”

The Ghoul looked up at her from where he was setting up camp. Setting up camp really only meant tossing his bag down and telling CX404 to go hunt for her own food. But he'd gotten comfortable resting against a boulder, seconds away from tilting his hat to pretend to go to sleep...

The Ghoul never slept. Lucy wondered if that was a Ghoul thing...

"Mind yer own damn business, little lady. Or you'll get into trouble I can't save ya from."

Lucy lifted her chin at those words. "Well, I'd argue I've proven I can handle myself, thank you!"

"When?"

Lucy stayed quiet for a bit. "I've survived up here for a week."

The Ghoul laughed at that, muttering out a ‘surviving?’ to himself.

Much to Lucy’s relief, though, he rested back and tilted his head to "go to sleep". Miffed, Lucy laid down on her spot in the dirt, her bag for a pillow. They’d only been travelling for a little over three days. The trauma of finding out about her father’s deeds, and her mother… well, it was present. But she was keeping it suppressed. It wasn’t a healthy approach to it, but what else was she supposed to do? Have a breakdown in the middle of the Wasteland? Prove to this Ghoul that she couldn’t handle the surface world? Find a therapist?

Were there therapists up here…?

Ugh… She hated the surface.

....

Lucy awoke with a start in the middle of the night to a loud BANG.

Scrambling up to a sitting position, she grabbed her syringe pistol and aimed it at the sound. The darkness of the night made it all even more disorienting, not to mention CX404 was barking like crazy next to her.

Slowly, though, she came to her senses. An explosion somewhere far away. A large cloud burning orange filled the sky, illuminating Lucy, the dog and the Ghoul with an eerie light.

"Ain't nowhere near us," the Ghoul said out loud. If Lucy didn't know better, it sounded almost like he was trying to calm her down.

Slowly, she lowered her pistol. The orange cloud was illuminating their surroundings just enough for her to be able to tell that the Ghoul hadn't moved from his boulder. But he was looking up at the sky too, just like her. It was, briefly, like a sunset. But it wasn’t quite as soothing as one.

Her pip boy began to peak, alerting her to radiation.

Great.

Slowly, she lifted her thumb up to the cloud-

"What're ya doin'?"

Lucy didn't notice the Ghoul snapping his gaze over to her like he'd just seen a Feral sneak up on them. He stared whilst the light slowly dimmed around them again…

"Just something my dad taught me. I think we're good." With that, she smiled at him before the darkness completely encompassed them again, then laid back down. She was expecting the Ghoul to ask more questions about her action, but instead:

"'S what I said," the Ghoul muttered under his breath... but he was still staring at where he'd last seen her.

Damn... that brought back memories...

...

"Daddy? Is it mine or your thumb?"

With a start, Coop awoke from the nightmare. Didn't matter how many centuries had passed. That always returned to him in his deepest, darkest nightmares. The boom. The power of the aftershock. The strange smell in the air. The sight of the entire city crumbling…

And his poor daughter, clinging to him: her lifeline. The one person she thought would keep her safe no matter what. The one person who should keep her safe from anything and everything…

He stopped his memories before they could get worse. Because worse they got. He instead tried to bring himself back to present times: pain, fear of turning Feral, MacLean…

Lucy.

He watched her sleep, innocently with her mouth slightly ajar. His daughter used to look like that sleeping too, hell… she even had her mouth slightly ajar. Especially when she fell asleep in the backseat of his car, all snug and strapped in safely…

Would his daughter have become like Lucy? Would she have tried to beat this ugly world with kindness? Like she used to do as a child?

Or... had his daughter become that? Had he missed her entire life? Because…

No- Don’t bring back those memories…

What sort of a father could he be now anyway? He was a Ghoul. Slightly more smooth skinned than others, thanks to all those years of cutting at him… but still a Ghoul. A monster.*

Shit…

“Are you okay?”

The Ghoul snapped out of it.

Dammit.

He’d not managed to shake the memories after all. Lucy had awoken to find him staring at her, wordlessly.

“Why wouldn’t I be, sunshine?”

Lucy watched him with that sympathy no one in the Wasteland had. Especially not for a Ghoul.

He scowled at it, almost scoffing, as he stood up and grabbed his bag. CX404 sniffed at his hand. He offered her a pat on the head.

“We should get a move on.”

“You said…” Lucy didn’t move to get packed. Instead, she continued to watch him with that goddamned sympathetic look in her eyes.

There were no therapists in the Wasteland.

“You said you had a family? That my dad might know where they are?”

Coop bit down hard as he eyed Lucy with harsh eyes. He desperately tried to warn her off from trying to talk about this. Not because he’d lash out though. But because he’d not be able to keep his emotions at bay.

“Maybe.”

“Do you have kids?”

Coop stared at her. Was she telepathic? No. that’s not something they did to Vault dwellers, right? Or..? “What’s it to ya?”

“Maybe this is going to sound crazy but… Sometimes, I feel like you do this thing only a dad would do. Like… Calm me down when I’m not even aware I’m freaking out. Just with a couple of words that would… that would be enough to calm a child down that depended on you. Like last night.”

What had he done last night?

“I just mean…” Lucy sighed, something in Cooper’s silence making her uncomfortable. Good. Maybe she’d stop talking about this. “If you have kids, I’ll try and help you find them. That’s the deal, right? We’re working together because our targets are in the same location. But I can help more if you need it.”

That… was the opposite of what Coop thought she’d ever say to him. “I’m sorry, ain’t I the one that sold ya fer drugs?”

“Yeah,” Lucy agreed with a nod, “but I’m sorta starting to get that this is what you have to do to survive in this world.”

“So yer gonna trust me now? Then ya ain’t learned nothin’.”

Lucy shrugged. “And…” She glanced down at her hands. She had this awful habit of picking at her nails. For someone who had smooth skin, she was awfully intent on making sure it wasn’t smooth.

He’d never noticed her finger was back. Though it wasn’t hers. Necrotic. Rotting.

Curious.

“My dad did horrible things just to get to my brother and I so… I get it. I guess. I don’t condone it. But I get it.”

Coop didn’t like that. He couldn’t exactly point out why, not consciously, but he knew he got a strange taste in his mouth from those words, even if she hadn’t meant anything bad by them. “Now, listen to me, little lady.” He pointed a gloved finger down at her, stern, serious: “There do be a whole lotta shit I’d do fer my little girl. But it don’t involve blowing up an entire civilisation jus’ ‘cause I ain’t getting my way, or whatever the hell his problem was. I was divorced. It’s ‘bout talkin’. Not…” Well, could he really say his divorce had been like others’? Not really. So he couldn’t really preach on that end. “I wouldn’t kill innocents. I’d kill a whole lotta bad people, though. Your dad is just trash, got it? Don’t be deserving yer kindess no more.”

Lucy stared at Cooper after those words.

“What’s that grin fer?”

“I knew there was good in you. I mean… I really really really doubted it, but no one is completely bad.” She stood up, collecting her belongings with a spring to her steps. “Thanks.”

Cooper stared at her with narrowed eyes. “Did ya hear anythin’ I jus’ said?”

“Yeah, I did.” Lucy beamed up at him. It almost annoyed him. Almost. “My dad’s an asshole. It’s not normal. I kinda… needed to hear that, in all honesty. It makes going after him a little easier. And you are nicer than you let on.”

“I ain’t nice.”

“Yes you are,” Lucy said with a wide smile. “So come on, big guy. We’ve got a lot of ground to cover today.”

She began walking, but Cooper was quick to reach out and stop her. He wasn’t done with this conversation. “I’m sorry I sold ya.”

Lucy offered him a gentle look. “I know.”

With that, Lucy started walking. Cooper waved for CX404 to follow along, and walked after Lucy. It was silent, which was when Cooper’s mind always began to do that damn thinking of his. Lucy was gentle, truly. And if such a gentle soul, someone like his own daughter’s, could accept Cooper for what he’d become…

Maybe his daughter wouldn’t think him a monster after all.

#just trying to practice writing these two characters!#father daughter relationship #fallout tv #fallout show #fallout spoilers #lucy maclean #the ghoul #cooper howard #fallout fic #fallout tv show fic #fallout tv show fanfiction #fallout tv show spoilers #fallout amazon #platonic #my fallout writing

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idolomantises · 1 year

Text

I think I’m gonna discuss this once and hopefully never have to bring it up again. Originally I wanted to talk about it on Twitter but people are very disrespectful when it comes to mental health so… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Basically, I haven’t been doing so great, mentally. Nothing bad has happened to me, I’m safe and surrounded by people I care about, and it’s been like that for months. I just, I haven’t been feeling good.

For people who do follow me on accounts like Twitter and Instagram, you may have noticed I haven’t posted anything new since January. I was struggling to feel motivated to make something for my main accounts despite having countless ideas I’d love to work on. I feel better now and do plan on getting something done in March, but that sudden lack of motivation is pretty rare for me. Art is not only my job but a big hobby for me, I just love drawing. I did get some nsfw art done at least.

I don’t know what really prompted my mental health decline, I’ve been getting a few worried messages and fanart because someone insulted my art. But that didn’t hurt me at all, it actually boosted my account and patreon.

I guess I just… got sad?

I have a really bad tendency to suppress and even ignore my trauma and feelings of guilt. And I guess one day I really sat with my thoughts and I just, lost it I guess. I have so much traumatic memories and sudden and intense feelings of self loathing, something I’ve never felt in almost a decade, that it got overwhelming. I couldn’t reassure myself, I couldn’t really talk to anyone about it because how do you confront things that happened years ago? You feel almost irrational. It’s just memories that haunt you, it’s nothing physical or tangible and yet it’s a crushing feeling of anxiety, self hatred and resentment.

I was crying almost every day, and crying so much that my eyes kept hurting long after I was done, and I could barely see my own screen. I’ve had paranoid thoughts about myself and others, thoughts I can’t get into because they’re so deeply irrational. I was feeling suicidal urges and thoughts of self harm. I don’t see myself doing it, but it’s so frequent and overwhelming it’s like I’m already planning my suicide note.

I was talking to my therapist about it, that I was starting to hate being alive. That I hated living. That I could spend the next 50 years of my life with no more conflict or trauma and I’d still be in intense misery and turmoil. They’re feelings I couldn’t really bring myself to tell friends about because what could they say? How do you calm yourself down and reassure yourself. I can’t even talk about my trauma verbally without crying. And it’s funny because sometimes minor irks started to affect me negatively. I was feeling anxious about what to draw because I didn’t want to do deal with homophobic backlash.

I went to a therapist, I talked to friends, Ive been working out more and eating better, I did everything I should do to improve my mental health and all of a sudden a single night just sitting in my room destroyed everything I was slowly building up over the past 5 years.

It’s been really difficult for me. I think also, I just felt so much guilt over not being the best person I could be. I decided to lessen my online usage, not just for my mental health but because I really wanted to work on being a better person. I want to stop hating myself and letting my trauma push me down and I want to do just be better and do better as a person. A lot of people have been very forgiving and kind to me but I don’t feel like it’s enough and I want to do more and I want to feel better about myself. I want to give everything I can to people around me. I’ve been going to therapy a lot more lately and things are getting better for me, but it’s been a very slow process.

I just want to repeat that nothing serious has happened to me. Nobody attacked me in a way that negatively affected my health. A lot of people, friends and strangers have been really nice to me these past few months. I just was doing a lot of self reflecting and unintentionally forced myself to confront a lot of my trauma. I’m saying trauma a lot. I don’t want to get into depth about what I endured because it’s my business but people who do know me know how bad things were for me. I don’t want to feel like that again. I want to feel better, and I want to do better.

Sorry for the long read. That’s just how I feel.

#txt #suicide tw #self harm tw #I was very hesitant to discuss this because whenever I talk about mental health it leans into #one side. who are super well meaning but feel obligated to make sure that I’m okay. like I’m their responsibility when I’m just a stranger #online and my thoughts and feelings should never make someone feel like they have to ‘protect’ me #and another side who sees me purposefully be vague about some of the things I discuss like trauma and regret #and just construct their own narrative and get mad at me for it #at this point I’m just too tired to care about the potential backlash of the latter #if you read all this and think I’m saying I did nothing wrong and everyone is bad except for me that’s your fantasy you get to live in #I just want to be honest about my thoughts and feelings

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maxisanangrywell · 2 months

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Simon has scars, Simon has trauma-- Okay so imagine this.

Trauma often causes your body to break down not just mentally, but physically. Often, in the most extreme cases of trauma, your brain gets rewired to think/act/and distribute electro signals a certain way. Childhood trauma has been studied so intensively, that doctors have determined it can also suppress vital bodily functions, like digestion or even your immune system, possibly causing autoimmune disorders.

Me, I'm 21, with a couple of different disabilities from my trauma, so I'm drawing from experience.

What if, and hear me out, Simon starts, gradually over the next couple of years, getting some weird joint pains. Just, like it feels achey, and not quite right. Like he was down with a cold. It comes and goes, and he's not entirely sure when it started. He's always sort of had joint pains, I mean, look at his job? It's not only incredibly intense, and taxing physically AND emotionally, but he constantly is over working his joints. So, he thinks nothing of it.

Except, over the next few months it doesn't go away like he thinks. Oh well, right? He goes to the med bay, they check his symptoms, they check everything, and just simply find nothing. They have no reason to do blood work, or x-rays. He's not injured, and it doesn't sound like he's pulled anything or snapped any tendon. They tell him if it persists, to come back in. They give him Ibuprofen, Acetaminophen, and a N-SAID to trade off between the three, and help with any swelling or discomfort. All Simon's symptom points to, is the over work of the joints. I mean, hell, he's been in the SAS for years now, with about a decade or two of more service on top of that. He's considered old by the SAS, almost at the stage where they'd pull him off the field if he even sprains an ankle. So, he doesn't think anything of it, and refuses to go to med bay.

Without failure, the symptoms just sort of pile up gradually over the next four years. The joint pain is accompanied by stiffness and swelling. The joints, primarily in all his finger joints, wrists, and knees hurt, are red, and hot to the touch. His left hip is starting to get painful enough that he has to stretch and stay in his room for the first hour-and a half when he wakes. Otherwise, he'd be seen hobbling down the hall and that isn't good. He'd surely be sent to med bay.

So, Simon deals with it. Until one night, he's on a mission, and his joint stiffness catches up to him. Johnny has to help move him when they get under fire, and his hands and fingers hurt so bad he can't properly grab the gun and fire it. It takes him a few minutes, but he eventually returns fire. Johnny having seen the struggle, reports it to Price, who almost immediately sends him to med bay to get almost every fucking test done under the book.

"Obviously it's not just joint pain and stiffness of age anymore, Simon. I need you to be 100% out on the field. If not for you, then for Johnny. For the team."

Simon thinks it was pretty shitty of Price to use Johnny and the team against him, but it does the trick. He gets there, and spills almost everything to the doctor he saw last time. The doctor is shocked and appalled Simon never told him anything, and Simon tells him the medicine worked at first, as did the braces that he recommended for the joint support, but it just kept getting worse.

They do X-Rays, and blood work, and they find out Simon has a fairly common autoimmune disorder. Although, it's not the kind he wants to hear because it will result in a medical discharge.

"Rheumatoid Arthritis? You're bloody joking. My hand isn't all fucked up and weird looking doc. I can move my hand just fine."

"You can right now, but if you don't get the proper treatment, along with a transfusion for your knee... it will progress. Probably to the point you're bed bound."

The doctor calls in the team on behalf of Simon's request, and well, they try to find a way around it. At least, Gaz and Soap do. But before they exhaust all their options, Price offers to talk to the higher ups to see what the stance would be on moving Simon from an operator, to more of a coordinator like Kate. Where he would be able to do missions every one in a while, but not over exert himself to the point a flare-up is triggered and he is left in a dangerous position once again. The higher-ups agree, not wanting to lose the infamous Ghost.

So, there we go. :) That's my little tid-bit, take it as you want. And like always, if you enjoy the idea, please like/reblog, and if you want to build off the idea for your own AU or things, just tag me if you use specifics!! ((If you have any questions about RA, please drop them in my box and I will try to answer when I have the time!!))

#cod mw2 #call of duty #john soap mactavish #simon ghost riley #ghoap #soap x ghost #soapghost #ra simon riley #rheumatoid arthritis #chronically ill simon riley

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dielitttt · 1 year

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Ceres Observations (childhood/parent addition)

9h or Sagittarius ceres people may have had parents that had two different ideas of parenting, one being strict and one giving freedom. One of them may have been emotionally distant or absent in some way at some point. Their Parents may have taught them or surrounded them with their culture a lot, and traveled a lot whether it be alone or with them.

people with 4h/cancer ceres may have been undervalued or had less attention from the mother but still attached to her, if they have siblings the mother could've given their siblings more attention than they them at some point. I've seen these people to prefer their mother more than their father or stick with their mother a lot tbh.

I've seen many people (including me) who have their ceres connected to some Neptune influence tend to have one or both parents deal with addiction or drug abuse most of the time, maybe witnessing it with their own eyes or not at all. One or both of the parents could've had a hard time connecting with the real world and maybe could've been neglectful at some point. This usually applies to those who have it negatively aspected or in 12h

10h/Capricorn ceres people usually have one or both parents who are workaholics and usually paid attention to their work than them. Their parents often chose their careers and money more which can cause a lot of neglect at some point. They might not have been an emotionally expressive parent; instead, they may have shown you that they cared by merely providing for you. Their parents usually try to put their work expectations on them.

8h/Scorpio ceres (me including) people can have parents who had trouble financially, they borrow money but can usually not pay it back like that. Their parents may have even asked them for money from them but weren't finically stable to give it back. Their parents may have projected their trauma or emotional pain onto them or usually teach them to suppress their feelings. People tend to trust these people easily. They may also have witnessed traumatizing things that's happened to their parents. Type of people who try to heal others but themselves

I've seen many Virgo ceres people learn organizational skills, helping others etc. at a very young age at some point cause their parents may have been a bit messy and busy with other stuff.

Taurus/2h people tend to have one or both parents who buy their love, to substitute the lack of affection or nurturing whether it be emotional or physical, this usually applies to those who have it well-aspected. These people have the types of parents who excuse the fact that they give materialistic things to them or provide for them so that they can't give proper affection. If it's negatively aspected or afflicted it's the complete opposite, they would've lacked proper materialistic/needs and being financially stable.

People with ceres-saturn negative aspects may have had too much or too little freedom/ restrictions from those who raised them. Their father or a masculine figure that was in their life might of been very cold or distant.

Sun-ceres people may have generally lacked attention from their parents, which gives them low esteem and looking for attention else where . this could apply to Venus as well but they try to find this in their own partners or love interest

#spotify #art #astrology #music #astrology observations #asteroid astrology #astrology chart #mf doom #playlist #rap #ceres asteroid #ceres

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alvivaarts · 8 months

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About Separate Ways (Spoilers)

Wow, guys. I was super excited to get gameplay footage/input from friends about Separate Ways (too broke to own the base game myself) to put into my longfic, but aside from some super cute Luis/Ada moments, I am... dissapointed.

Capcom hire me, at least I can keep the plot consistent because what the actual fuck.

Will discuss below to avoid spoilers (much more story than gameplay, but gameplay wasn't great either), but I'm not going into insane detail save for some things. READERS BE WARNED!

I'm also specifically looking at this through the lens of my own fanfic, Simulation Swarm, which is my take on how Las Plagas works and infected!Leon (in addition, infected!Ashley and a lot of Leon's unacknowledged trauma and relationship issues throughout the game series). I was majorly excited about Separate Ways because it implied that Ada also gets infected- which I really want to still implement even if it changes a LOT of major things about the fic.

I'll go over the good stuff first. AKA, stuff I'm keeping, and not retconning.

1- Luis' characterization was still amazing. It was really nice to see his character balance out Ada's, how he's still as chipper as he can be. Additionally, it's VERY clear how much he cares for Leon and Ashley alike, and he goes out of his way to get Ada the suppressant and still respects her throughout that process. 2- Pesanta/IT/U-3's design with slightly more of a scorpion shape. That was sick! 3- The fact that Ada was aware of most of Leon's movements and a lot of what happened, and in a way was following him around and handling things he couldn't/wasn't aware of. * 4- Ada didn't help Leon into the chair, Ashley did. But that scene isn't even shown. 5- Luis and Ada def had chemistry, and it was so cute!

Well! Short list. Now for the bad stuff. AKA, shit I'm retconning/ignoring/pretending never happened (most of the DLC).

1- Ada's infection is weird as fuck. She got... shot? And infected? And then, infuriatingly (because I've spent WAY too much time thinking about the physiology of Las Plagas and researching w/ the help of others how the infection would work) PUKES UP her plagas?!?!? HELLO!? This in particular drives me insane because like. Las Plagas nests and develops behind the sternum, between the lungs, where it can attach to the nervous system along the spine. It is TOO BIG for a human body to fight against, it's growth shoving lungs out of the way is why people cough up blood. It's nowhere near the throat or stomach and clearly it's extremely well engineered/evolved for human hosts not to end up in conveniently the wrong location. And if she did puke it up, at that point, miraculously, after two days? Her intestines are fucked. She's dying of internal bleeding. I don't fucking care how much of a bad bitch Ada is because at that point Wesker wasn't gonna help her. The fuck? Capcom, know your own lore challenge. 2- We got NO backstory, not even HINTS about Ada's past and origins. Again. 3- * Seriously made Ada's character into a very flat character and removed a lot of the urgency/clear want for her to help Leon from the original DLC. Seriously, she does not gaf about anything but her mission and making it more convenient for herself. Everything she does to help Leon is sheerly coincedence- which, honest to fuck, does not line up. Especially considering she appears to completely lack empathy until... uh oh, Wesker wants to kill a bunch of people? Like sure, she has that BRIEF conversation with Leon in the boat but like... what happened to the people she has history with, the people she could've ABSOLUTELY been saving to spite Wesker and allow her to have her own motives until whoop-de-doo, uh oh, gotta stop a genocide! Be so for real. 4- Bonus: After Luis helped her and she'd made the deal to get him out, he, still dying, calls her with a warning about Krauser. It took a long time for him to die. She SHOWED UP after witnessing the fight and pretty much just... left him. Despite all of that. Which I get from a 'not fucking with canon' standpoint, but seriously. 0 effort. 5- Krauser literally fucking gets away when she fights him???? 6- Wesker keeps making appearances. For some reason. It's not even clear why, he literally just shows up to be intimidating and to threaten Ada into doing the job but like. At that point, honest to fuck, he could've done it himself? Also it was majorly hard to empathize with Ada considering we STILL KNOW NOTHING ABOUT HER OR HER MOTIVATIONS. 7- Luis has no distinct fire trauma. (Okay. Revoking this after the discussion, I just had a no media literacy moment after everything I was taking in. Luis' response was actually pretty good and honestly? Should be appreciated. Though it does bring up another point- while I love Luis, I guess I was walking in with it more being an expectation for it to be 'Ada's Story'. We didn't get that, though the Luis background was great!) 8- Ashley's interaction with Ada was a single line asking for help and Ada just. Walks off.

Anyway, everything I've seen first hand and have discussed with others has left a sour taste in my mouth. Boo, @Capcom. Good thing I can make up my own stupid little stories and pretend that none of that happened.

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illyrian-dreamer · 1 year

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Changing Shadows (Part 4)

Azriel x Reader

Part 3

Rhys and Cassian return home from their mission, but the celebration is cut short when you find out Az has betrayed your trust. Hurtful words are said as you lash out.

Lots of angst with your brother Rhys and Az, of course followed with some fluff.

Image by koike9023

Warnings: Mentions of trauma

Word count: 1,640

Part 4:

∇

Rhys and Cassian returned five days later, tensions in the Illyrian camps proving more difficult than anticipated.

Azriel and you were able to continue mostly-appropriate interactions, the occasional tease or growl-provoking comment had become your new normal. Something you were certain would stop in the face of the rest of your family.

With the rest of the females away, an Illyrian dinner was planned to welcome back the boys. You gathered around the dinner table, Cassian using his steak bones as a sword, retelling how he threatened some Illyrian bastard.

You laughed at his story, and rolled your eyes at his dramatics. You could feel Rhys’s gaze on you throughout the evening.

“And how are you feeling, little sis?” Rhys had asked as Cassian wrapped up his show.

“Much better,” you replied, nonchalantly chewing your food. “All thanks to a magical house and a Shadowsinger who might have considered a career as a healer.”

They all laughed, Az playfully raising his hands in gratitude.

“It seems my orders of house rest might have been sensible?” Rhys teased, so you raised your wine glass to him with an exaggerated smirk. He laughed again before clasping his hands on the table.

“And you’re feeling...,” Rhys paused, it was unlike him to be stuck on words. “...rested enough?”

You stopped chewing your food, and put down your cutlery. You knew immediately.

“You told him,” you accused Azriel, your face pained with the memory of your violent nightmare a few nights earlier.

His gaze matched yours, equally pained. “I had to.”

“Y/N...,” Rhys began.

You ignored your brother. You were furious Rhys knew what happened, but more hurt that Azriel told him after you asked him not to. Your face said it all, a mix of hurt and shattered trust.

“Mother knows that’s my cue,” Cassian murmured before making a break from the room.

Azriel interjected, like he was struggling between two truths. “I was worried about you, Y/N...,” he trailed off. “I’m sworn to protect you at all costs.”

What the hell did that mean?

“I asked one thing of you, Azriel,” you said sadly, tears of frustration threatening to come out.

“As your High Lord and your brother, I wouldn’t have forgiven him if he didn’t tell me Y/N,” Rhys stated plainly.

You shook your head, not wanting to hear it. “It’s no ones business but mine,” you said defensively, tears welling.

“That’s simply not true,” Rhys said calmly. He reached a hand across the table for you, an olive branch. “Why don’t we talk about this in private?”

This is exactly what you were avoiding. The coddling, the condescending care that reminded you that you’re nothing more than Rhys’s fragile younger sister who breaks at the first touch.

So you struck where you knew it would hurt.

“I could not be clearer that I don’t want to talk about it. Just because you didn’t show up in time on that hideous night, does not mean you can undo what was done. Deal with your own guilt.”

Shit. Shit shit shit.

Rhys looked like he had been slapped across the face. Azriel bowed his head in pain, as if he blamed himself for the whole thing.

You breathed heavily, looking down at your shaking hands as if you couldn’t believe your own outburst.

“Rhys, I’m so-”

A rumble of power was felt throughout the house as Rhys raised his palm to stop you talking, his usual cool demeanour stiffened with suppressed emotion. “It’s alright,” he gritted.

It was so not alright. Guilt twinged inside you at the hurt in his eyes as he excused himself to his office to do some work. You watched him stalk out, and before you could turn to Azriel to apologise to him, he was gone too.

You sat back in your chair, hating yourself.

——

You waited a few hours for your own anger to cool before grabbing a notebook and quill.

Knock knock, you wrote, willing it to Rhys’s office.

No response.

You didn’t want play games, you knew you needed to apologise to your brother properly. But this was the only way you could think to reach him since he had blocked off his office in a 20-feet radius.

If you could please open the wards on your office? I would really love to apologise to your face instead of writing it in notes.

Open, Rhys sent back. Brrr.

He was waiting for you, sitting in his chair with one leg folded over the other. His face pained as much as it was at dinner.

I did that, you thought with an ache in your stomach. After everything he’s done for you.

You slowly walked over to the desk, Rhys’s violet eyes more black as they trailed you. Pausing in front of him, you took a deep breath.

“I am so, so sorry big brother. It was a cruel and unfair thing to say, and not one part of me believes it.”

He sighed. “I know,” he said with a small, painful smile. “But I can’t help but feel there’s some truth in what you said.”

You reached for his hands and shook your head vigorously. “No, no there’s not,” you said firmly. Tears threatened your eyes again, and you couldn’t stop them. “Please tell me that you know I don’t blame you for that night.”

“If Azriel hadn’t found you in time, Y/N...,” Rhys trailed off, a frown burrowing into his once-again violet eyes.

“But he did. And what happened is no ones fault but those bastards who tried to clip me.”

Rhys nodded. That you could agree on.

He straightened. “I’m sorry I didn’t respect your privacy. I know I often cross the line between High Lord and your brother. Its hard for me to not see you as the young girl you once were, you were so fragile and little when you came to Velaris,” he smiled in memory, raising from his seat.

You hugged your brother tightly as he wrapped his arms around your back. “I just don’t want to disappoint you Rhys,” you admitted. “You have so much faith in me, I want to be strong for you, it’s the least you deserve in a sister.”

Rhys pulled back from the hug, a deep frown on his face as he studied you. “Is that what you think, that you’re not strong?”

You couldn’t meet his eyes. It was true, you weren’t strong, not nearly as much as he, despite all that he sacrificed.

He tucked your head under his chin. “Oh Y/N. If only I could show you just how strong you are.”

“But I-”

“You think nightmares make you weak? Everyone in this family has experienced what you’re going through, being tortured by their own past.”

You didn’t say anything, just listened to his words as he stroked your hair.

“Your trauma does not make you weak. It simply exists in response to what happened to you. Ignoring it does not make you strong, and you don’t have to overcome it to be worthy.”

That... made a lot of sense.

"And I will always be there to help you through it. Even if I have to force my way in,” he chuckled and you laughed with him.

“I love you,” you murmured into his hug.

‘I love you too Y/N,’ he said back, kissing the top of your head.

You would sleep well that night. Now time to find the Shadowsinger.

——

In his true nature, Azriel was brooding on the terrace. You could see the arches of his wings, black against the stars as he leaned against the railing.

His shadows greeted you before he did.

“Az,” you said gently, leaning your back against the railing next to him. Your arms were folded in defence, you needed to apologise but you were still hurt they he betrayed your trust, and did so without telling you.

Azriel’s lips were pressed into a thin line as he looked out at Velaris.

“I’m sorry.” You both apologised at the same time.

You raised your eyebrows in surprise, and he dropped his head in a low chuckle. Gods, his laugh alone shook your knees.

“I’m sorry I came between you and Rhys,” you started. “I would never want to jeopardise the trust you two have.”

He nodded in acknowledgement, but frowned, unable to meet your eyes.

“I should have been honest with you that I told him about your nightmare,” he said quietly.

“Yes,” you agreed simply. You took a deep breath as you unwound your arms across your chest, turning to lean on your elbows just as he did.

His scent enveloped you at this proximity. While neither of you spoke for a moment, the air around you was still, your wings almost touching.

You cocked your head slightly. “What did you mean tonight when you said you were sworn to protect me at all costs?”

While usually the calm and collected male, you noticed his breathing synch. A cool breeze blew over you both, sending goosebumps up your bare arms.

He noticed you shiver, and a protective wing extended around you, shielding you from the cold.

You kept your gaze on him.

He sighed, looking down.

“I will always do what is best for you, Y/N,” he said. “Rhys was checking in during your recovery, I felt it was my duty to report on your physical well-being, as well as your mental.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

He grimaced, uncomfortable with answering the question head on. Your insides burned, as if a rope tugged within you, waiting for his answer.

“I will always protect you,” he whispered. Yes.

“You’re family,” he followed up.

And the rope was gone. You couldn’t understand why it felt like you had fallen face first in the mud.

--------

Part 5 >>

AN: Making up for this cold ending with plenty of heat (and a jealous Az) in the next chapter! ;) If you’d like to join the tag list, drop a comment :)

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gummydummy19 · 2 years

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Kinktober day 6; Squirting

A good stretch

Summary: Nat and Wanda want a private *stretching* lesson from the team's personal yoga instructor, a cute (clearly subby) guy with a massive crush on the both of them.

Content Warning: smut, squirting, threesome, FemDom, Male sub, slight degrading/embarrassment, slight overstimulation, mention of sub drop, fluffy ending.

A/N: This was requested by @hauntedkittenfun. I kinda just did my thing with it but I really hope you like it!! This was also my first "male reader" fic AND my first Nat/Wanda fic so let me know what you guys think!!!

Word Count: 1800+

"Goodmorning everyone! I hope you had a good night's sleep because I'm not gonna go easy on you guys today!" you greeted the group cheerfully

"I sure hope you don't." Wanda giggled, immediately making you blush.

You'd had a massive crush on Nat and Wanda since Tony hired you as the group's yoga instructor. He said it was your job to help them all relax and give them a healthy outlet to deal with stress and trauma.

Who would have known you would be the one in desperate need of a stress reliever.

It was clear to anyone with eyes that you had a soft spot for the girls. They were both strong and fearless, and of course, ridiculously sexy. Sadly, they too had eyes. It didn't take long for them to notice the little crush you were harboring and they took every chance they got to tease you with it.

Today was no different.

After last week's class, they requested a private stretching session. Obviously, they were up to no good, but since it was your job, you decided to at least try and be professional.

And here you were, watching the two hottest women you'd ever laid your eyes on, wearing the shortest skirts you'd ever laid eyes on.

"I uhm...okay...so...let's get started!" You stuttered, making the girls smirk at each other.

"So how do you want us, sir?" Wanda asked sweetly.

Good god, they must be trying to kill you.

"I-I'd...uh...I'd start with some floor work. Can you guys do a downward dog?"

"Hear that Wanda? He wants us in doggy." Nat added.

Yup, for sure trying to kill you.

They both got down on their yoga mats, making a show of sticking their ass up in the air and looking up at you with big, innocent eyes.

"R-right...how is that going?"

"Well, I don't know, sir," Wanda spoke sweetly again. "Could you maybe help me go a little deeper?"

You suppressed a whine and adjusted yourself in your pants before you got down on the floor behind Wanda.

"Breathe out a bit more and tilt your hips...like this," you said, placing your hand on her hip.

Wanda arched her back a bit a pushed her ass up higher, this time giving you a clear view of her pussy, which you now noticed was completely bare and dripping.

"How's that?" she asked, looking back at you while chewing her finger.

"I-I...uh..wh-...I" you babbled, feeling your dick twitch. Dear lord, she was close enough to fucking smell...

"Well how about me?" Nat spoke up. "How's my doggy position?"

You looked over to see Nat in the same position Wanda was in, ass up with her bare pussy on full display.

"Holy-"

Your brain stopped working for a second. You were convinced they had successfully brought you to your end, and you had now entered heaven. Suddenly, you were pulled out of your thoughts by a buzzing sound accompanied by a moan.

The heavenly sound came from Natasha's mouth. Her arms were stretched out wide across the floor in front of her as her ass pushed up high in the air (a perfect downward dog, one must admit.) Only then you noticed the small pink silicone cord hanging out of Nat's entrance.

"Wanda, turn is up!" Nat whined.

You looked over at Wanda, who now had her phone in her hand, sliding her finger across the screen. The buzzing sound that came from Nat's pussy increased as Wanda's finger continued to move across her phone screen.

"Hmmm feels so good!" Nat looked back at you, making sure to keep eye contact. "M'getting really, really close. Wanna help me out?"

'I think you should...I really think you guys should p-put some panties on."

Nat rolled her eyes in playful annoyance instead of pleasure this time. "Stop being such a little bitch and fuck us already."

That was it. A man could only take so much. You felt like a pirate at sea falling straight into the claws of cockdrunk sirens, yet you didn't care. If this is how you died, it seemed like a good way to go.

Wanda must have sensed your urge to finally give in, so she decided to pull you in before you could change your mind. Grabbing the back of your neck, she yanked you closer and smashed her lips against yours.

She tasted heavenly. Like strawberries and Cinnamon. You moaned into her mouth as she tangled her fingers into your hair and slightly pulled. You felt powerless, in the best way possible.

While Wanda was busy absolutely eating you alive, Natasha reached over for the phone, turning her vibrator to the highest setting.

When Wanda gave you a second to catch your breath, you saw how Nat was thoroughly enjoying herself watching the two of you.

"Look at that, Nat. I think someone is excited." Wanda giggled, gesturing to the absolute tent that had occurred in your pants.

"Hmm, fuck! Grind on him, hun." She ordered Wanda, who happily obliged.

Wanda climbed in your lap and wrapped her arms around your shoulders. She nuzzled into your neck and nibbled on your ear as she started grinding her naked pussy on your bulge.

Natasha kept eye contact with you as she reached her hand down to her clit. You could tell she was getting closer by the way her back arched and her thighs started trembling.

"Oh FUCK!!!" Nat screamed, yanking the vibrator out of her pussy as she squirted all over her yoga mat. She furiously rubbed her clit and her entire body shook as she rode the waves of her clearly intense orgasm.

The entire scene unraveling in front of your very eyes combined with Wanda grinding and humping on your lap like a dog in heat made you lose your mind. Natasha squirting all over the floor. Wanda moaning in your ear. Her bare pussy rubbing right against your hard, throbbing cock over and over again. Your crotch was getting soaked, not only from Wanda's wetness spreading over your lap but also from your precum leaking out of your fat, needy dick.

Before you knew it was happening, you grabbed Wanda's waist and weakly thrusted against her. Your entire body shook and you screamed a few incoherent sounds as you came right there and then. The hot, sticky, wet load of cum staining against your sweatpants immediately.

A few seconds passed before you heard a giggle coming from Wanda.

"Did he just...?" Nat asked

"Yeah.." Wanda chuckled, making Nat giggle as well.

They both burst out laughing, making your cheeks heat in embarrassment. You tried to move away from Wanda but she stopped you.

"No, wait! Don't go..." She looked at you, a hint of a smile still on her face.

"Yeah, you promised us a stretching lesson." Natasha said.

"And from what I felt...it'll be quite the stretch..." Wanda whispered, her smile getting wider by the second.

"Here, let me clean up this mess, baby." Nat said. Wanda finally got off your lap and allowed Natasha to take off your sweatpants. A mixture of Wanda's wetness and your own cum was smeared all over your thighs and your sensitive, softening cock.

Natasha threw a smirk your way before leaning down and licking you clean. When she got to your dick, you hissed.

"Sensitive, baby?"

You nodded, still unable to string together a sentence.

She took your cock in her mouth anyway, making you whine in pain and pleasure.

"Who's cock is this?" Nat asked you, continuing to stroke at a fast pace while she spoke.

"Yours!!! It's yours!"

"That's a good boy. Such a slutty little bitch." she said before continuing to suck you off.

Her head bobbed up and down until your dick got nice and hard again.

"Wanda, honey?" Nat turned around. "Your turn to cum."

Wanda smiled and moved to straddle you again, pressing a sweet kiss against your lips. It was strange how different their approach was, yet how good they both made you feel.

You felt her lower herself down on your shaft. Slowly taking you inch by inch.

"Shit..." She whined.

"Are you okay?" You looked at her with wide eyes.

"Such a sweetheart." She smiled, pressing a passionate kiss to your lips once more.

She slowly started moving. Bouncing up and down on your cock with her head thrown back. Her boobs bounced with her movements and she squeezed you so hard you feared you might faint, or worse, cum before she does, again.

While you were trying your hardest to contain yourself, Natasha decided to taunt you some more. She came up behind you and pressed kisses to your neck while playing with your hair. Every now and then she whispered filthy things in your ear, about how pretty you were and how good you made them both feel.

"Please..." you whined

"Please what, baby boy?" Nat taunted

"Please cum! Can't hold it any longer! Want you to come so bad!" you begged and pleaded with all you had.

Wanda didn't have to be told twice, she had been circling the edge since she first felt your clothed bulge pressed against her needy pussy.

She leaned back and started circling her hip. Her hands held on to your knees for support as she started to tremble. Your cock nudged right against her g-spot and it was making her see stars.

"Press your hand against her belly," Nat whispered in your ear. "Trust me..."

You did as you were told and firmly pressed your large hard on Wanda's abdomen.

"OH fuck fuck FUCK!!!" she screamed, lifting herself up as she squirted all over your stomach and your cock.

Natasha was quick to grab your cock and help you reach your final orgasm while softly rubbing against Wanda's clit to help her ride out hers.

"Cum for me. Cum for us."

and you did, harder than ever before.

*********************************************************************

"Did we break you?" Nat spoke softly as she stroked your hair.

You were laying with your head on Natasha's chest while Wanda spooned you from behind, pressing kisses against your back and tracing random patterns on your bare skin.

"I think so..." you spoke. Your voice was weak from all the screaming you had done earlier and your muscles felt sore.

"...you were really hot." Wanda reassured you, sensing your sub drop approaching.

"I was?" you asked, turning around to lay on your back

"Are you joking? I've never cum that hard in my life!" Nat assured you, snuggling against your chest.

"Yeah, she's right, me either." Wanda agreed, copying Natasha's movements

Pride swelled in your chest as the two of them cuddled against you, telling you how good you made the feel and how well you had done.

"Such a good boy," Wanda whispered, kissing your cheek

"Our good boy." Nat corrected, pressing a kiss against the other.

#marvel smut #smut #wanda maximoff #wanda x you #wanda smut #wanda fanfic #wanda x male reader #natasha x wanda #Natasha x male reader #natasha x wanda x you #fluff #marvel #fanfiction #gummydummy19 #requests

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scoonsalicious · 2 months

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Unwanted: Chapter 1, Unarmed - Pt. 3

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Fem!Reader

Warnings: (For this part only; see Story Masterlist for general Warnings) Language, poorly translated Russian, mentions of CSA/trafficking, mentions of death, emotional repression of childhood trauma, Bucky nightmares, bonding over trauma, some fluff and comfort.

Word Count: 2.6k

Previously On...: You literally ran into Bucky in the hallway outside your rooms and bond over a shared love of Middle Earth like the fucking nerds you are. This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

A/N: I know this part introduces some heavy backstory for our Dear Reader. Please know writing this for her has been a therapeutic exercise for me in dealing with trauma from my own childhood, which, coincidentally, has been shoved back into the forefront of my life recently, forcing me to re-evaluate things I thought I had processed. Please know that I'm not approaching this subject flippantly, and her reactions/attitudes have been based on my own healing (or rather, suppressing) journey.

Banner By: The absolutely amazing @mrsbuckybarnes1917

Taglist: (Please let me know if you’d like to be added!) @blackhawkfanatic @marcswife21

Your friendship with Bucky only continued to grow from there. There was something about him, his quiet demeanor, his gentle sense of humor, that made you feel an immediate connection with him, as if you'd known him for ages instead of just a few weeks. You weren't one to open up to others easily; it had taken you over a year to trust that Tony didn't have any ulterior motives for befriending you, but with Bucky, it was effortless, as if you couldn't have stopped it even if you wanted to.

About three weeks into his residency at the Tower, you were exposed to your first instance of one of Bucky's nightmares. He'd told you he frequently had them, but you'd yet to experience one firsthand. You hadn't been able to sleep-- your own losing battle with insomnia--, so you were coming back up from getting a late night snack in the communal kitchen when you heard the muffled shouting coming from behind his door. At first, you were going to ignore it, sure that it was his television, but you heard him utter a single, desperate "Pozhaluysta," the sound of it so heartbreaking that your breath caught in your lungs. Please.

Crossing over to Bucky's door, you knocked softly. "Bucky? It's Pocket. Are you okay? I heard shouting." You waited for an answer... but nothing. Taking a step closer, you put an ear to the door, holding your breath. You could make out the sound of frantic thrashing, cries of "Net!" and then a whimper. He sounded like he was in trouble, like he was in pain.

"FRIDAY," you said to the AI that ran the tower, "open the door."

"I'm sorry, Ms. (Y/L/N), but Sergeant Barnes has locked his door for the evening."

"For fucks' sake, FRIDAY," you muttered. "Enact override protocol 346.78C." There was no point in being the Avenger's resident computer genius if you couldn't hack their home automation system, was there? You heard the click of Bucky's door unlocking. Turning the handle and hoping that asking him for forgiveness was easier than asking for permission, you stepped inside.

It took a moment for your eyes to adjust, but once you were able to make out shapes in the gloom of the darkened suite, you saw that the layout was relatively similar to your own. You made your way over to the bed, expecting to see Bucky writhing on it in the midst of his nightmare, but it was empty, stripped of all bedding, just a bare mattress.

Then you heard him, thrashing from the space between the bed and the wall. You shuffled over to the other side and found the super soldier lying on the floor, tangled in his sheets. A thin sheen of sweat covered his naked torso, a pair of sweat pants riding low on his hips. His face was contorted in agony as his head twisted from side to side.

"Net! Net!" he cried out in Russian, fighting off invisible assailants, "Pozhaluysta, ne nado! Eto bol'no!" No! No! Please, no! It hurts!

It physically pained your heart to see him struggling like this, so you did the first thing that came to mind-- you threw yourself across him, wrapping your arms around his body and holding him in place, whispering back to him in Russian: "Ty v poryadke, ty v poryadke. Ty v bezopasnosti. Nikto ne mozhet prichinit' tebe vred." You're okay, you're okay. You're safe. No one can hurt you. "I've got you, Bucky. You're safe."

It was a long moment before you realized that his thrashing had stopped, his heartbeat had slowed, and he had wrapped his arm around you, holding you to him as if you were a lifeline.

You pulled back, allowing him to sit up.

"Pocket?" he asked, voice laced with confusion at seeing you, as though he wasn't sure if he was actually awake or not. "What are you doing here? And... were you speaking Russian, or was I dreaming?"

Suddenly shy, you tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, avoiding looking at him. Jesus. He literally just woken up to you throwing yourself on top of him. "I-I'm sorry," you stammered. "I was walking by, and it sounded like you were having a nightmare. I was worried, so I came in to check on you. I'll let you go back to sleep. Sorry." You got up to go, but his hand reached out and encircled your wrist, gently holding you in place.

"No," he murmured, pulling you back down to the floor next to him. "You were right, I was having a nightmare. I... I told you I get them, sometimes. Memories, really. Of things Hydra... did to me. Things they... things they made me do. Thank you," he looked up at you, catching your eyes through the darkness and holding your gaze. "Thank you for waking me up, for taking me out of it."

You gulped, the night becoming far more intimate than you could have anticipated when you went downstairs to grab a pint of ice cream earlier. You forced a smile. "Of course. What are friends for?"

"Are we?" he asked, his voice suddenly low, causing a pool of warmth to collect in the bottom of your stomach. "Friends?"

"Of course, Buck." You gave him a concerned look. "Why wouldn't we be?"

"Because I'm a monster, Pocket." Bucky lowered his head in his shame. "I'm a murderer and a monster."

"Oh, Bucky, no." You took his chin into your hands and brushed a strand of hair away from his face. "Sweetie, no, you're not. You were a victim. You didn't consent to a single thing Hydra made you do. I know that it's going to take you a long time to believe that, but it's the truth. I promise you it is." He closed his eyes and nodded.

"Pocket, do you think..." he looked away from you, almost shyly, "do you think you could stay? After a nightmare, I... Well, I don't really like being alone."

"And Rogers isn’t one for midnight cuddling, huh?" you teased, a playful smile on your lips. You couldn't see it, but you could practically feel the sardonic look he was giving you. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Yes, I'll stay. But Bucky, I have one rule--"

"I'll keep my hand to myself and be a perfect gentleman, I promise," he said solemnly.

"Pfft," you scoffed. "I don't give a shit about that. Be as handsy as you want. No, my one rule is: I am not sleeping on the fucking floor." Bucky rewarded you with another one of his genuine laughs. You couldn't articulate how happy it made you feel knowing that you were the cause of that laughter.

"You got it," he said, as he stood up and began to move his sheets and pillows back to the bed. "Nothing but the best for you, doll."

Your insides glowed at this new nickname, and you were positive he was going to notice how his words made you light up in the dark. You busied yourself with helping him make up the bed before crawling under the covers. You tried not to be too obvious as you inhaled the scent of Bucky on the pillowcase. He smelled like cedar and leather and something unidentifiable that was just so quintessentially Bucky that it had become your favorite scent. You wanted to bottle it up and use it like a fabric spray so you'd always be surrounded by it.

The bed dipped as Bucky got in, pulling the covers up over himself. "Thank you for this, Pocket," he whispered.

You turned onto your side to face him. "Of course. Any time, Bucky; I sincerely mean that. I know what it's like; I have them, too."

"You do?" You felt him reach for you in the dark, taking your hand and interlacing his fingers with yours. "You can tell me about them. If you want to."

You nodded, before realizing he probably couldn't see you, so you hummed an affirmative. There was something about the cover of night that made you feel brave, safe in opening up to Bucky; you found yourself wanting to tell him what kept you awake at night. You took a deep breath.

"I... didn't have the best childhood," you began, trying to keep your voice steady. "My father took off before I was old enough to even remember what he looked like, and my mother was always more interested in getting high than she was with being a parent. I was in and out of foster care for a while when I was a little girl." Buck squeezed your hand in sympathy and you continued: "Then she got this boyfriend, Darren." God, even now, the taste of his name on your tongue was like bitter bile. "For a little while, things were… better. Mom got her shit together enough that Social Services sent me back to live with her. I could almost believe that things were going to be okay. I mean, we even stayed in the same place for more than six months. I went to school regularly. It almost made me feel like a normal kid."

"What happened?" You barely heard Bucky's whispered question. You let out a harsh, disillusioned laugh.

"Puberty," you told him. "I turned eleven, got boobs and suddenly Darren's paying a lot more attention to me." You felt Bucky tense in the bed beside you. "Of course, that's entirely my fault, right?" you continued. "At least according to my mother. They started fighting more often, and she went back to the booze and meth. Stopped giving a shit about everything. Going to work, paying bills, making sure I went to school, whether or not I even ate. Only thing that mattered was where the next fix was going to come from." You took a breath. This next part was the hardest, and Tony was the only one you'd ever told the entire truth of the matter to.

"And with Mom incapacitated, boyfriend feels he's got free reign," Bucky supplied for you.

"Yeah," you swallowed, grateful you hadn't needed to actually say it, yourself.

"Pocket," Bucky began, "that's aw--"

"There's more," you admitted before he could continue. "Darren liked to bet on horses but, like absolutely everything else he ever did, he was complete shit at it. Ended up owing some horrible guys a lot of money. There was no way in hell he'd have been able to come up with it, so he... proposed a trade."

"God," Bucky breathed. "Oh, Pocket. I am so, so sorry."

"Thanks," you said, wishing that was the end of it, but knowing that you still weren't finished. "Darren realized he had a valuable commodity that a, uh, certain kind of man would pay good money for, and he wasn't just going to let such a lucrative income stream go to waste. He was an idiot, but he wasn't that dumb."

Next to you, Bucky sucked in a breath. You could practically feel him vibrating with anger for your younger self. "How long?" he asked through gritted teeth.

"Seven years, more or less. When I turned 18, I grabbed every important document I could get my hands on, hightailed it to Boston and never looked back. But the memories, the nightmares? They still haunt me. Even after all this time, they’ve never fully gone away. So, you know, I get it."

There was silence for a moment, but then Bucky cleared his throat and asked: "Where is he now?"

"He's got himself a nice little plot of land in Pensacola," you said, a smile ghosting your face.

"So, he got off Scott-free." Bucky's voice was a low growl.

"Oh, I didn't say that, you said slyly. "That nice little plot is a pauper's grave at Pensacola Federal Prison Camp. Bastard got himself shanked in the slammer about ten years ago. Happiest day of my fucking life.

Bucky's laugh was low and dry. "What about your mom? Please tell me she got what she deserved, too."

You shifted slightly, propping your head up onto your hand. "Honestly, I have no idea what happened to her. The way she drank, she's probably long dead by now, and I could honestly not care less. That's why I have everyone call me Pocket." Bucky moved to mirror your position, using a pillow to prop himself up instead of an arm, so you were laying eye to eye, only a few inches separating your faces.

"Okay, explain to me how that makes sense," he said, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear, his warm breath fanning pleasantly across your skin.

His touch was gentle and you found yourself subtly leaning into it. "My legal name is (Y/N)," you told him. "It was my mother's name, too. I know that 'Pocket's a ridiculous nickname, but when people call me that, it's like I'm someone else, someone new. I'm not that scared little girl that had all those horrible things happen to her. I'm someone I made myself into." Your voice had dropped to barely a whisper as you admitted it to him.

He studied you for a moment before speaking, voice low. "Thank you for trusting me with this, Pocket."

You let out a small laugh. "I think we might need to make each other some matching friendship bracelets or something after all of this sharing," you told him. Bucky laughed with you, and the tension that had been hovering in the air lessened. You hadn't meant to get so deep into your personal history, or to get emotional, but sharing your story with Bucky brought you a sense of relief; at the very least, you'd helped take Bucky's mind off of his own nightmares, even if it had meant delving back into your own.

You both fell silent for a moment, and then Bucky spoke again, his voice soft and hesitant. "Pocket, can I ask you something? A favor?"

You looked at him, noticing how his eyes glinted in the dark. "Yeah, of course, Bucky. What's up?"

He swallowed audibly, his grip returning to your hand. "I don't want to overstep or make you uncomfortable, so maybe this is too much to ask, but… do you think… maybe we could… I don't know… be there for each other? You know, when we have nightmares? Just... hold each other, maybe?"

Your heart skipped a beat at his words, your mind suddenly racing with implications. Was he suggesting what you thought he was suggesting? Did he want to… cuddle with you? Your body was suddenly acutely aware of how close you were to him, of the heat that radiated off of his body. You licked your lips before answering, your voice coming out a little huskier than you intended. "I mean… I wouldn't be opposed to that. If you think it would help, then I'm all for it."

Bucky let out a small sigh of relief, his hand moving to cup your cheek, his thumb rubbing soothing circles. "Thank you, Pocket. You have no idea how much it means to me."

You leaned into his touch, a shiver running down your spine at the gentleness of it. "I think I might. I mean, I don't know exactly what you went through, but I know what it's like to feel scared and alone."

Bucky leaned in, his lips brushing against your forehead as he whispered, "Neither of us have to be alone anymore. We'll be here for each other."

And then, without another word, he wrapped his arm around you, pulling you close to his chest. You could feel the beat of his heart, steady and strong, and the warmth that radiated off of him made you feel safe, taken care of. You wrapped your arms around him in return, feeling a new sense of peace and security you hadn't known in a long, long time. Maybe ever.

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