#azriel acotar x reader

[bubbles-for-all-of-us]

You don’t get to tell me about sad

Previous chapter

a/n part three! I’m brain dead so sorry for the wait. I hope you will all enjoy this. 🫧🫶🏻

summary: Azriel gets an assignment he can’t seem to decline. Now he has a princess full of attitude under his protection. The only question is whose cold heart will break first.

warning: past trauma, scars, injuries, blood.

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You were sure that your lip was going to burst from the way you kept biting on it, trying to suppress the laugh as the carriage rolled through the misty autumn forest. Convinced that nothing was ever going to top the sight of Azriel, squished the opposite of you. He was scowling so hard that he was most definitely the reason why the sky had ripped open. Pouring rain drowned the lush forest since the early morning. It looked like you were driving to a funeral at best, gruesome execution at best. 

“Don’t start with me today," Azriel grunts, his eyes burning into yours. Yet now that he acknowledged you, the smile only seemed to spread wider. He lets out a grunt, and a quiet giggle slips past your lips. "Princess, life suits you," you mumble, making Azriel roll his eyes. “Come on now; it’s not so bad. Don’t huff”, you nudge his leg with your heel, earning yet another glare.

“Could have winnowed us there”, “You did almost all the way”, you point out. And you would have happily obliged, but the murmurs about something being wrong with the high lord’s family had started. So Lucien and Eris had made their outing. If not for the rain, you would have done just the same. Take a walk through the main streets. But now seeing the family carriage and your face through the glass would have to be enough. 

“Why do you hate autumn so much?”, It’s a bold statement to make. You’re not sure if he even hates it. Well, considering the amount of frowning he does, he has to. “I have my reasons," Azriel answers as bluntly as he can. “Care to elaborate?", you turn to him, ready to dig an answer out of him if you had to. He owned you, considering his creeping around your room. But your eyes fall on the way he’s trying to subtly rub his palms together. The scarred skin—humidity must be making the bones ache too. He’s impossible to read, but you’re convinced that the discomfort hunts some of his features. You don’t care. You shouldn’t care, yet you still inch closer. There’s not much space inside the carriage considering that man’s size, but it’s enough for you to brush your legs against him. As expected, Azriel’s hands instantly reached to put distance between you both. But that’s when you yank the side of your cloak up, draping the fur-lined material over his scared palms. 

“What are you?", "Shhhh," you say quickly. He tries to pull them out, but you catch his gaze—a daring look there. “Know your”, but you cut him off once more, “Next words out of your mouth better be, thank you, princess," you muse. Azriel clenches his jaw. But he doesn’t pull back. Doesn’t fight the warmth slowly seeping through the stiff skin. “I thought you hated that nickname, princess," he says. One thing this man hadn’t learned in life was dealing with women. Clearly. You shrug, “Not so bad when it’s you who calls me that," you muse, watching as a glimpse of surprise washes over his features, and then the scowling coldness returns. 

Azriel doesn’t like it here. The thought alone had unsettled him ever since Lucien had announced the need to go back. “The High Lord needs to make a statement," Lucien had stated. Azriel itched to say that Eris wasn’t his high lord. But he knew that regardless of Eris’s wishes, he would have gone. Because you were going there. So here he was, standing outside the forest house. Not daring to go forward alone. You had waved him off. Told him to go inside while you checked on the horses. But he refused to step inside. So he stood there, trying to memorize every window.

“Who’s snooping now?", your voice fills Azriel’s ear as he slowly turns to you. Arms crossed as you grin at him. He wonders why you hadn’t mentioned that night in your room. Why you brushed it off so easily. “I just needed to stretch my wings." It’s not so much of a lie. It had been a disaster of a trip here. You barely manage to open your lips when an unfamiliar voice comes from behind, “Yn, Yn.“

Azriel pushes you behind him, his hand reaching for his dagger. But you slip out of his grasp, glancing over his shoulder. And then you’re stepping forward. “Makoa?”, it’s a whisper, and Azriel doubts that a disheveled-looking boy would hear it. But he does. And that name alone makes Azriel uneasy. The same boy you had sneaked out with. And just like that Azriel decides that he hates Makoa.

"Wait," you push again Azriel's arm, but his grip doesn’t falter. “Anyone can be a threat," the spymaster points out. “I know him," and it’s the desperation that makes Azriel back up. The same one that he had when he called out to Mor. To Elain. The lost kind. One that had you hanging up on things that weren’t there. 

“I’ve been looking everywhere for you," Makoa mutters once he is in arms reach of you. Azriel has to bite his tongue because nothing about that statement seems genuine. “You can imagine it’s been busy over here," and your voice is different too. Hazy almost. You bite at Azriel. Spewing venom. And here, this boy makes you behave like a youngling with your first-ever crush. “You could have written to me; I’ve missed you." Makoa raises his hand, and Azriel instantly inches to step forward, but then the boy is leaning in, his lips brushing over yours. Making Azriel lower his head. A strange sort of feeling brews within him. One that’s not welcome here. So he turns back onto his heel, heading deeper into the woods. To clear his consciousness. His logical thinking. His heart.

“Everyone missed you," Makoa points out, your hands clasped in his. The feeling is strange. It’s all so wrong  because, yes, he has been vocal about courting you, but this… To be kissed in front of someone he doesn’t even know. You glance back. Eyes scanning the front gardens. He’s not there. Azriel isn’t there, and a dreadful sort of uneasiness pools in your stomach. 

“It’s just been a couple of days," you brush his statement off. You were trying to find joy in something you had dreamed of ever since you slipped that book beneath the floorboards. “You’re behaving strangely," Makoa mutters, his hand reaching out for your forehead, but you bat it away. “I’m just tired," but you’re more than tired. You need answers, and quite frankly, you’re willing to do about anything to get them. 

You can trust the man in front of you. His mother used to do laundry for your family. Until Beron changed his mind or whatever happened. As if reading your mind, Makoa reaches up, cupping your cheek, “What is it you can tell me?" A part of you is screaming to just drop it. Talk to Azriel first. But then he wasn’t there. He wouldn’t know. 

“Do you remember the night on the harvest moon, well after it?”, you say quietly, looking over your shoulder for servants. “I walked you home," Makoa shrugs. Well, he did more than that, but sure, that will do for now. “Someone was waiting for me," you admit. “I didn’t go inside; I went to the barn to feed the horses." It was misty and cold outside. You didn’t catch their face. Just a hooded figure.

“I... someone tried to slice my throat open." Brushing your hair to the side, you let the white line shine in the midday sun. Makoa watches. But he doesn’t frown. There’s almost no reaction. Azriel looked more concerned when you caught him brushing his fingers over it that night. Genuine concern. Or maybe you were just imagining it. 

Makoa brings you into his chest. “What a shame," he breathes out, and your hands are instantly pushing against his chest. "Pardon," you huff, brows knit together. “I mean, it’s horrible, yes," he says, lifting his arms in defiance. You shake your head. Too tired. Too tired for this. After all, you didn’t expect him to take you seriously. He was too wild. Too carefree for that. 

"Look, just be careful, okay?", you mutter, your eyes searching him, but he only shoots you a wicked smile. “You don’t have to worry about me," he muses. You burn to tell him that you both are no longer kids. There are serious matters, but you don’t have it in you to fight another battle today. “I’ll see you in the party," you say as you step back, letting your fingers slip out of his grasp. But then he’s pulling you back. Hand on the side of your face. An eager kiss smothered against your lips, “I wouldn’t miss the spectacle.”

Azriel’s task this weekend was easy. If he was being honest, he didn’t quite grasp why exactly he was asked to come. But then Eris might have just done it to spite him. All he was responsible for was keeping an eye on you when Eris and Lucien couldn’t. So essentially, babysit a grown woman. Now he was standing with his back against your door. Throwing his knife up and down in his hands. Trying to beat his record of spins before it lands back into his palm. 

“Okay, am...", your voice breaks the second-floor silence, making Azriel pause. “Can you get Maria?”, Azriel shakes his head even if you can’t see him, “She just went outside for the flower arrangements." The elderly woman had pinched his cheek way too many times, but as much as he hated it, she reminded Azriel of his own mom. 

"Fuck," the sound of things falling inside the room, makes Azriel press his ear to the door.“What’s going on?”, he demands. Silence falls. “I...", you start, but it ends with a frustrated sigh. “Well, let’s hear it," he muses, hoping for yet another privileged little dig he could throw back at you. 

“I can’t reach the back of the dress to do the..." It’s a whisper. A frustrated one at that. “We have twenty minutes," Azriel points out. “I know, tree man, I know," you growl in frustration, cursing to yourself as you continue to struggle. 

“I'm coming in," Azriel states, instantly frowning at his own words. "No, you are not," you snarl, and he is sure that you are frowning. “On three," the spymaster warns. But he doesn’t even get a chance to start the countdown. “Fucking, Azriel,” you say, yanking the door open. Rosy cheeks. Slightly disheveled hair. And that deep red satin dress. So far different from the one he had seen you in the first time you both met. That was a girl. This… You were meant to be in red. In…

“Eyes up here, moron," you say, reaching up to flick his nose. One arm holding the material upfront. You turn away from him. The smooth back exposed to his scared hands. Azriel shakes those thoughts away. “I’ve seen females before," he states, reaching for the golden buttons. “Really? I would have taken you for a virgin," you snort, shaking your head ever so slightly. Azriel fake gasps, earning a glimmer in your eyes. “What is that supposed to mean?”, he says in the most dramatic way possible. You bite your lip, trying to hide that smile. He knows it. Feels it.

“Just do the dress up," you urge him, motioning to your back. Azriel halts, letting his hands drop to his side. “Start with a please," he says proudly. You glance up at him, “Are you being serious?” Surely a man who just completed about the amount of time you had wasn’t going to start playing games. “I decided that etiquette lessons are in order," he shrugs, making you roll your eyes. “I will spit in your drink tonight. How is that for your etiquette lessons?” You flash him one of your fake smiles. “Delightful, just how I like it," and it’s so unexpected that you are left slack-jawed for a split second, and then he grabs your shoulder and turns you around, nudging you forward. “You’re disgusting," you say, pushing your heel against his leg, making a little rumble of laughter fill the space. “Says you," he breathes practically against your skin, sending shivers down your back. 

You fidget with your sleeve as you and Azriel make your way towards the main part of the event. Public outings still felt strange. The big crowd overwhelmed you. But you had missed out on so many great things  and parties, especially when you were growing up. That now….

“Only a weirdo disappears like that," you halt suddenly, leaving Azriel to walk along until he too stops. Turning to face you. You quickly put a finger against your lips, stepping closer to the second-floor railing. “That’s what I told Makoa”. You know those voices. You don’t even need to look down the staircase to know who they belong to. 

“Daddy beat her, I heard," and it’s like someone dumped a bucket of ice water on you. Tingles spread through your body like fire.“ She lived beneath the floorboards; I doubt she knows how to interact with living things." You let the words slash at you. After so many years, they don’t make a difference. It’s the fact that every time you feel as if you found someone willing to look past it, they still end up stabbing you in the back. 

That’s when your eyes fall on Azriel, practically charging towards the stairs. "Don't," you hiss, reaching to grab at his wrist, pulling him back. “It’s disrespectful, and I’m being very polite with my words here," he grunts. Venom. Purest of venom painting his features, and yet you cut him off. “I said don't," you step in front of him, pressing your palms against his chest. “It’s just another joke for them. You throwing a fit and acting all gruff won’t change a thing.”

Azriel watches you for a moment before a bitter laugh crawls up his throat. “And those are your friends? People that you think are not a threat to you? ”, he points downstairs in frustration. A wave of guilt. Shame. Fills you in seconds. You feel that familiar sting in your eyes. But you brush it beneath all the other pain. “Daddy got them for me; I didn’t have a chance to choose; my apologies," you purr through gritted teeth. 

And it’s as if you threw a comeback punch. The arrow shooting once again. Azriel’s shoulders sag. “Yn...", he breathes out, but you don’t want it. Don’t want pity. The sad eyes. The smothering. To hell with it. “We should go find my brothers." You pick at the skirt of your dress, turning to the stairs. “It was insensitive of me," Azriel’s words slam into the wall you had built, making you close your eyes for a moment. “Don’t get tangled in this; this has nothing to do with you," you mutter, not turning back to face him. Forcing your legs forward. Azriel stands at the top of the staircase for a heartbeat, watching you. Then he glances over his shoulder. One heartbeat. Two. And he unleashes his shadows to the first floor. 

The terrace is buzzing with people. If it were up to Azriel, he would be right by the platform, but there are Eris’s guards here. So he’s just standing by. That prick had it in him to suggest wine. Azriel, of course, took it. Before dumping it right next to Eris’s shoes. Rhys told him to behave, yes. And so he was, because the second option was to punch the fireling in his face. Pick and choose.

Azriel catches a glimpse of you. Well, more like all he had been doing was catching glimpses of you. Like a moth to a flame. Even if he tells himself not to, his eyes always seem to find you. That distant look in your eyes. Like you’re not here, even if your body is. He also doesn’t doubt that it’s partly because of the things the people said. Why not fight back? You seem to be fine doing that when it comes to him. But crumple the moment the people who are meant to be closest to you are involved. 

As if by coincidence, your eyes glance up, meeting Azriel’s. He should be scowling, yet he finds himself smiling. Just a little. He puts a finger beneath his chin, pushing it higher. Encouragement of sorts. You’re supposed to radiate power, not look like a damsel in distress. You return it with an eye roll, making the corners of Azriel’s lips curve even more. Deny it or not. You do lift your head up. That tingle of fire blazing just a bit brighter. That will do. It would have to be enough to get you through it. 

The music dies, and Eris walks close to the platform edge, that fox-line smile on his face. “It’s an honor to have you all here, so I thank you for finding time to join us," the high lord begins. “I know that the court is facing some challenging times, but you should not be afraid." Azriel crosses his arms over his chest as he listens. “I will do everything that is in my power to protect our people and be a true and fair high lord." Then the Autumn High Lord turns back breathy. “And... I’ll have my family to aid me in these matters," motioning for his two siblings to come to stand closer. “Lucien and Y/n Vanserra will be taking their rightful place on the throne." The crowd explodes with chairs and joyful applause. As the three siblings smile in unison.

“And…”, But there’s no and. Nothing comes after it. As if someone had stolen all of the other promises. Azriel feels it too. It hits his senses. Making them restless. There’s something wrong. Something that doesn’t feel right. A banner behind the platform bursts into flames. The hot tongues, lapping at the family insignia. Some people back up. Eris waves for his guards, ordering them into action. People are bringing buckets full of water while Eris and Lucien try to wield the wildfire. 

It’s the lightest of the sounds that follow next. It flickers, and... "Y/n," Azriel calls, making you snap your head sideways. “Y/n," he breathes out, and then he’s winnowing. His hands already stretched out. He has to make it. He will make it. There is no other option. So Azriel doesn’t let the what-ifs set in. Shrieks echo. Chaos breaks out. And then he’s up there. On the platform. One arm behind your body, the other on the arrow. 

The time stops. Your wide eyes are looking at him. Green so deep that Azriel knows he has never seen anything like it. The freckles seem even darker now that your skin has paled almost to snow white. His fingers are trembling. He can’t see it. Can’t fucking see it; the bunched-up fabric is making it hard to judge. Had the arrow met its target? Your heart seems to beat beneath his palm. But are those the last beats? Then the red fabric turns an even deeper shade of red. 

Every muscle tenses in Azriel’s body. "No," he mutters under his breath. He’s not letting you die just like that. Not on his watch. Not in some pointless death just because someone has a bone to pick with your brother. Your eyelashes flutter, and just for a heartbeat, Azriel is too slow to catch you. Your body sags, but the arrow stays there in Azriel’s head. It didn’t meet its target. Not fully, at least. Just nicked the skin. It feels as if someone rolled a mountain off of his chest. 

"Azriel," it’s so light he almost misses it. The plea. The fear. Your fingers reach up for his leg. His darkness swirls around you both. And quite frankly, the spymaster is not too sure as to what’s going on outside. The world might as well be going to shit for all he cares. Kneeling, Azriel takes hold of your trembling hands, “I’ve got you, darling; I won’t let anything happen to you." He’s not sure if you even hear him. Eyes fixed on something as if you’re looking right past him.“I'm here; I'm with you," Azrie promises, moving to drape your arms over his shoulders. “Are you with me, love?” You’ve gone into shock, that he can tell. Yet you blink. Fingers gripped onto his flying leathers as you nod. "Good," he says, brushing a strand of hair away from your face, “Hold onto me, fireheart”.

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Taglist: @emryb @glitterypirateduck @xxtakeachancexx @justyouraveragekleemain @5onedirection5 @paleidiot

#azriel acotar x reader #azriel acotar imagine #azriel x you #azriel x oc #azriel imagine #azriel x reader #azriel spymaster #azriel shadowsinger #azriel acotar #azriel #acotar imagine #acotar x reader #acotar x oc #acotar x you #eris vanserra x reader #lucien vanserra x reader

[equinelifecountry]

Drowning

Warning: depression, suicidal thoughts and actions, anxiety. torcher, blood (If missed anything lmk) Description: realizing that she was never enough for him and deciding the world might just be better without her in it

part 2

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The clashing of metal singings throughout the top of the mountains being carried off with the wind. Sweat beads on my brow my labor breath is becoming louder by the passing minute I lift my sword again towards the right missing the target that was Infront of me the big Illyrian, the general of the powerful Night Court armies the smirk forming on his makes me want to slap it right off. "Oh, come on y/n I know you're better than that." he swiftly movies and swings his blade at me I dodged it just in time dropping down to the ground swing my legs and knocking him off his feet flat on his back I jumped up and just my foot on his chest with pressure and pointing the blade of my sword at his throat "Yes I know I am." I smirk matching his that claimed his face just moments ago.

It has been just over 3 years since the war against the King of Hybern I just shortly after the war was won so much has changed with my found family and with the new additions to the family the Archeron sister, bless the mother for bringing us Feyre bringing her to Rhysand. I am beyond happy that he has found his mate, his other half that makes him whole. I see from the beginning that day we went to their mansion to ask to host the mortal queens to talk that the tension with Cassian and Nesta was going to lead to something more those two were cut from the same cloth what more than the perfect match the Lord of Bloodshed and Lady Death herself. I can't forget about sweet Elain, the way that Azriel looked at her like she was the reason for him to breath and her deep brown eyes seem to lighten looking up at him, it was kind of cliche in a way the darkness and the lightness meets and blends so well together.

I remember when Azriel went into the middle of the enemies camp to rescue Elain even though he could of easily of been killed and that day before the last battle he gave her truth teller. I sat stood across the way putting on my leather and armor when I caught the seen unfold something cracked in my chest, since the day that Nesta and Elain was thrown into the cauldron Azriel always kept a close eye and helping hand to Elain, I could tell from the way he looked at her that it was much more than just being a good friend helping our High Lady's sister adjust to High Fae life he was falling for her, first it was Mor he was pinned over her for the longest time that never seen to bothered me to much. Mor confined in me about her love for other women so I knew nothing was ever going to help between her and Azriel but that still never eased the hurt I felt the way he looked and acted with her. I don't know why I thought there was ever going to be a chance of me and Azriel becoming something more all he sees is the poor broken female hung between those trees deep in the cold forest bleeding pouring form the wounds on her back forming a pool of blood under her feet.

I shook my head trying to shake the memories away grinning again I held out my hand to Cassian he reached up and I helped him back up on his feet. "oh its good to have you back y/n!" he slung and arm around my shoulders and we made our way back down the stairs towards the dinning room. "You never leave us like that again, got it?" I side eyed him "I just needed some space Cass." I signed "To many things happened during the war and everything else going on it was just to much mentally..." Cassian stopped and turned me to face him he had a worried look on his face "I know you do not like to talk about things much but I hope you know that you have me.. you have all of us if you need someone to talk to about thing.." he paused and put a hand on my forearm "I mean it." I just looked at him gave him a small smile and nodded he just did the same.

We walked in silence the rest of the way to the dining room has we walked through the doors a glanced up at the large table sat in the middle of the room there he was and so with everyone else, i mean everyone. Cassian made is way over to Nesta and planted a kiss on her forehead and sat down I stayed in the doorway just staring at everyone. "Come join us y/n." I shifted my eyes toward Rhysand who was looking at me with is smirk he always seems to wear. "It has been far too long since we had everyone for a family dinner." I swallowed hard and blinked everyone now was staring at me waiting for me to come and sit was them or just waiting for a reply. I avoided looking in the direction and the shadow singer and the lovely flower that stay by him I turned and locked my eyes with Rhys "I'm sorry but I think I'm going to have to pass tonight, I am just far too exhausted" he gave me a worried look the same has Cassian did in the hall I felt him trying to break through my mental walls I just shut him out and gave a weak smile and turned to head back up to my room feeling a heavy stare on my back that sent shivers running down my spine.

#acotar #azriel x you #azriel x y/n #azriel angst #azriel x reader #acotar fanfic #sarah j maas #fanfic #azriel spymaster #azriel acotar #azriel acotar x reader #azriel shadowsinger #azriel #azriel x reader angst

[xreaderbooks]

Asphyxiated | Azriel

Summary: you overhear your mate talking to the inner circle about someone being clingy and annoying, and you decide to remove yourself from the court and your mate to avoid further humiliation.

based on this request

Warnings: language, insecurity, eavesdropping, feeling unworthy, court of nightmares, there's a stalker, some random OC, angst, miscommunication, fluff

Word Count: 2.9k

Azriel Masterlist | Navi | Wattpad | AO3 | Masterlist

"Azriel," You sing his name as you walk into your secluded home. A decently sized cottage to fit your tall, broad, wide-winged mate, that you designed and built together, just outside the city of Velaris. "Look at what I brought you."

You walk into the sitting room where you and Azriel enjoy each other's company in peace, however rare the occurrence. He appears troubled in his sleep as you've found him lying on his back with his wings spread open and a hand draped over his eyes.  He removes his arm from his face and blinks your way, feeling your presence as you enter the room.

"What do you have there?" His melodic voice makes your stomach flutter in a frenzy as it always does and you hope the bond doesn't translate too much to him, or his shadows, the gossipers that they are.

With a bright grin, you bring the box from behind your back and show him a white box with clear plastic for the perfect view of the treats inside. "Cupcakes," You reply cheerfully, awaiting a grateful response. "Went by the river today and Hilaria was working at the shop you like, did you know she found a job? how great for her!"

Azriel grumbles slightly and your smile falters but you don't let it show, opening the box you move to the couch and sit beside him with the room he gave you tucking in his wings.

"You got my favorite," Az murmurs, carefully taking out the beautifully decorated dessert. You take the statement as a note of appreciation for how well you know him, that much was obvious as you've known each other since birth practically, and in love with each other for half of that time.

He bent his neck down to kiss your cheek and muttering a thank you.

"Don't get too excited now, I heard from Rhys about where you're next assignment is gonna be and I expect a little something when you get back," You tease.

Azriel exhales through his nose and it sounds like a small laugh, "I'll be sure to return the favor if all goes well, love."

"What's wrong?" You ask, the energy in the room has been off since the moment you arrived and you couldn't deny it frightened you a little.

You and Azriel have been going through a rough patch, it happens as often as he overloads himself with work but you have always managed to work through it, it's never too serious mostly the both of you missing each other.

Whenever Azriel was working, you were home, and whenever you were working- he was home. You've spoken to Rhysand about your and Azriel's assignments but it wasn't about when he wanted you both to work, it was simply what needed to be done when it needed to be done.

Both of you being spymasters of the night court, it wasn't ideal to send you both on the same mission unless needed. Most of the time, either one of you or both of you were needed in separate places.

On the days, weeks- if you were lucky- months, that you had 'easy' assignments or days off, you spent it together. You and Azriel would spend time in bed or with your family, going on outings, and trying new things to add to the excitement of life. You loved to be together, your relationship being very sacred to both of you.

"Just tired," Azriel shrugs. You know him better though, something was bothering him that he didn't want to tell you.

You felt his frustration through the bond, you wanted to help him but knowing Az he'd tell you when he was ready.

~~~

"-the fucking shop, I mean honestly how close is she trying to get?"

You didn't mean to eavesdrop. Originally you were coming by to talk to Rhys and Feyre about some of the rumors going around the court of nightmares, nothing too concerning but something that needed to be checked on the next visit. When you heard the muffled voices in the townhouse sitting room.

"Perhaps if you spent less time with her?" Mor suggested.

You couldn't think of anyone else Azriel might be spending time with if not for you. Did Azriel want to spend less time with you?

Your brain immediately jumps to conclusions, Azriel has been in his thoughts as of late, and he hasn't told you what's been bothering him. You thought it had something to do with the distance, perhaps a lack of communication. It was putting a strain on your relationship but you didn't think even more distance was the answer.

Azriel shakes his head insistently, "I don't spend time with her, ever. She finds me somehow, it's maddening and I can't tell Y/n to stay away while I figure out how to solve this, she's always just there."

It was like a dagger in your heart. If you were always there it was because you felt like you never spent time together, how were you supposed to have a relationship if you were never together?

You thought for sure, Azriel felt the same.

"She is a bit clingy," Cassian nods. You felt another pang in your chest, Cassian who was your partner in crime, Mor who was your favorite person to talk to about anything, and your mate had all agreed that you were too much.

"A bit is a bit of an understatement," You heard Feyre chuckle.

You almost couldn't believe what you were hearing, your fault for listening to a conversation you weren't privy to you suppose but you would've never guessed your family felt you smothered them.

Perhaps you were too clingy, you were over at their house every other day. You felt like you were dividing your time between the people you loved, maybe they didn't want you there, and you were an imposition on their daily schedule. You felt embarrassed and humiliated that they were in a meeting to discuss what to do with you.

"I can talk to her if need be, brother," Rhysand gives Azriel a reassuring nod.

Azriel shook his head, "No, no need. I will speak with her, it's my relationship, my responsibility."

Cassian snorted loudly, "Your need to fix things yourself is admirable brother, truly. Let us pray that this will not dig you a deeper grave."

You didn't hear the rest, didn't need to.

Silently, you slipped out the doors of the townhouse. You didn't want to lose your friends so if they wanted space- you'd give them space.

~~~

You disappeared for the rest of the day, and the next. You left a note to Azriel so he wouldn't worry- not that he wouldn't appreciate your shared home now all to himself. You still had your apartment in the city that you rented out when you moved in with Azriel.

There were currently no tenants as there were renovations to be done.

You avoided your room at the townhouse knowing you weren't as welcome as you thought. You didn't show up to training with Cassian and Azriel that morning. Instead, you met informants and did some investigating yourself.

You sent a letter to Rhysand with details on the Hewn City problem, told him that he should look into it as soon as possible, and asked if he wanted you to get a handle on it instead.

He replied with a note giving you thanks and telling you that he'd deal it himself but would call on you with the rest of the inner circle when the visit would happen.

Days passed by until it had officially been a week of no contact. Azriel had sent you letter after letter requesting to see you. You denied them all with sweet words to show that there was nothing wrong, that you didn't overhear what they said about you.

Where'd you go - A

Miss you -A

Come back, our home feels empty without you - Azriel

Are you alright? - Desperately need to see you, Az

Several letters with pleading undertones, each one more than the last.

Then letters from Cassian about training, you reassured him that you were following the usual routine. Mor had invited you to Ritas one night and lunch another day- you declined both with excuses of having too much work to focus on anything else. You didn't realize how much they felt it was an obligation to do things with you.

Eventually, the time came, and Rhysand called on you for the visit to the court of nightmares. You were anxious at the thought of seeing them again, maybe as time passed they would feel better with you around now that you gave them space.

~~~

You dressed appropriately for the setting, your leathers, and weapons strapped to your body. The scowl was natural as you hated being here, glares sent to everyone who looked your way, intimidation being the only way to survive this gods-forsaken place.

Bowing in front of Rhysand to fit the narrative, Feyre sent you a curious as you bowed to her, you felt her stroking the inner walls of your mind- a request to enter. You shut her out with strong mental walls, standing once she allowed you, and took your place next to Azriel, slightly behind him and Cassian.

Azriel's eyes followed you, he tried to brush a finger against your hand as you passed him but you clasped your hands behind your back. Through the bond, you felt a sting in your chest. You spared a glance at your mate, you missed him so much your body craved to be near him but you resisted.

It went as well as it usually did, a dramatically villainous speech from Rhys, with some added threats to those opposed to his reign. The High Fae in attendance got drunk on Faerie wine and danced with the whole night ahead of them.

Azriel attempted to talk to you over his shoulder, "Are you upset with me?" He muttered to you with a crease on his forehead.

You shook your head, "No, why would I be?"

"Where've you been?"

With the few looks you've gotten of his face he looked stressed, circles under his eyes, his hands were clenched and you could tell that it was to keep him from fidgeting.

"Now is not the time," You told him, straightening when you saw a reveler get too close to the High Lady.

"We're done here anyway," Rhysand's voice echoed in your mind. You didn't doubt Azriel heard him as well. You took your leave, Azriel right behind you, he caught up so quickly he held your wrist you didn't notice until you felt the world shift and you realized he traveled you both to your cottage home with his shadows.

Azriel had stood in the same spot he landed while you backed away from him a couple of steps.

"You've been avoiding me," A statement. It was heavy with questions, with want of information you didn't want to divulge.

You asked one of your own, "Have you watered the plants?"

"Have I watered the plants?" He scoffed out the last word. "I've barely been able to function without you, Y/n."

You flinched although he didn't yell but the tone in which he spoke felt like he was scolding you.

He continued, "Yes, I watered the plants."

A weak smile was pulled out of you, he probably loved those plants as much as you. You weren't as much a gardener as Elain but you managed a small garden of your own, they were like yours and Azriel's children, something you both grew together. A garden of both of your favorite flowers and fruits and vegetables.

"Seems like you've been functioning just fine," You responded in a smart tone, it just slipped out.

"Tell me what I did, please, it's driving me mad." He stepped in your direction, shadows reaching to touch you, and you saw Azriel forcefully reigning them in like he wanted to reach for you too.

You softened at the sight, "It's not something you did, Az."

"Something I said, then?" He didn't refrain from fidgeting now, in the comfort of the home, he fidgeted with his fingers. "Something I didn't say, I know I didn't want to talk about what was happening before, but I'll tell you whatever you want me to if you promise not to leave again."

You just about melted, you felt yourself wanting to sway at his beseeching. "What was happening before?" You questioned in barely a whisper.

"Hilaria happened. She- Nothing happened- I swear to you, she grew attached. She grew attached to me," He grimaced as he said it. "She was everywhere I happened to be, it wasn't normal, I've warned her off so many times I was glad you didn't notice. I didn't want you to be uncomfortable with her. The moment she got a job at the sweet shop, she got too close, you went there and I knew it wasn't a coincidence."

Azriel had a fucking stalker and you didn't know about it. That was what he was so stressed about. Hilaria- an Illyrian female who had a shitty life, Azriel had given her refuge, because she had no family left to care for her, and a female alone in that camp was no place to be.

You helped Azriel find her a living space, and gave her safety for her to heal from the traumas, she must've mistook that for something else entirely. You couldn't help but to feel bad for her.

"I went to Rhys, he and the others offered their advice and I tried to talk to her about her behavior. She didn't take it well, so we sent her to Dawn court with the assurance that they would do all they could to help her."

"You talked to the others about this?" It all made more sense now. 

He nodded.

"Did Cassian say she was clingy?" You needed to be sure you were getting all the details now.

His brows furrowed, "How did you?"

"Because I was there when you were talking, but I didn't know you were talking about Hilaria." You sat on the couch slowly, forearms on your knees, hands clasped.

You laughed incredulously, slapping your hands to cover your face and running your hands into your hair. "I thought you were all talking about me."

"What?" Azriel's eyes were on you, deciphering your words when he pieced them together. "Why would we ever?"

"You weren't telling me anything about what was going on, I thought I was prying too much, I do spend a good bit of time with everyone, it wouldn't be too far off."

A smile tugged on his lips, one he was trying not to show. He was trying not to make you feel foolish but it was too late. "I love you, but this was not your wisest moment."

You grabbed a pillow from the couch and threw it at him with little force, "Az!"

"You had everyone concerned, they thought they had offended you in some way."

"Of course not!" You shook your head in disbelief, at how easily your insecurity took over.

"Now my family has some attachment issues, you couldn't get rid of them if you tried, you would probably want space from them yourself."

You rolled your eyes knowing them all too well, centuries with them and you still felt undeserving.

Azriel kneeled in front of you taking your hands in his and settling them on your lap then caressed your face in his hands. "I could never not want you near me, you're everything to me, understand?" His hands gave your head a gentle shake in emphasis.

"I don't think you understand where my mind was at the moment," You avoided his gaze. You didn't want him to know, the feeling of not being worthy enough for him, how you compared yourself to everything in his past and it didn't seem plausible for him to accept you. When he did accept the bond, it was the greatest moment you ever had the pleasure of experiencing.

Azriel was the love of your life, with and without a bond. It was hard for you to accept that he loved you without it if it wasn't for the fact that you trusted him to tell you the truth. He came to you and confessed his love and then the bond happened. You would have continued to pretend you weren't in love with him, otherwise.

"Do you not understand," Azriel sighed, "Do you not understand my love for you, at all?"

"It was easier to believe that you needed space from me," You confessed, shutting your eyes tight. Warm lips landed on yours, you were startled for a second before reciprocating the kiss.

He kissed you breathlessly, a minute, two or three- you didn't know how much time passed. Your blood pulsed in your ears, or was it his? it was rapid and created an electric current in your veins.

"I want to drown in your love, to be asphyxiated by it until all I know is you, in this life and after. I could never get enough of you." He whispered the promise on your lips with his eyes closed. You nudged your nose against his to open his eyes.

The warmth of his hazel eyes graced you and you murmur his name, he nudges your nose in response. "I love you."

Hours into the late night, after Azriel insisted on a bath together, you had a late-night snack nuzzled on the couch catching up on the lost time. You whispered sweet nothings to each other in bed with limbs entangled, and long-lasting kisses.

#azriel x reader #azriel acotar x reader #azriel imagine #azriel shadowsinger #azriel fic #azriel acotar #azriel x you #azriel #azriel spymaster #azriel fanfic #azriel shadowsingerx reader #azriel spymaster x reader #azriel angst #azriel fluff #acotar fanfiction #x reader requests

[shadowdaddies]

Omgomg-

Can you do an Az x Summer Court reader with soft, white, feathered wings where she's like cleaning her feathers(a very intimate act) and Az walks in, there's some flustered blushing and whatnot, and then he offers to help and they clean their wings together??

OMG this is so cute I'm cryin 😭 I had so much fun with this, you're the best and ily thank you for the request angel!!!💜

Wings of Desire

Azriel x Reader

Sent on mission by Tarquin to work with the Night Court on joining your armies with the Illyrians, Rhysand had allowed you to visit the camps with his spymaster. After a long day of observing training, the both of you flew to where you would be staying while in Illyria. You followed Azriel, landing in front of a small cabin on the far northern border of Prythian. You weren’t even sure if you were still on the continent anymore, shivering at the cold unlike that which you’d ever experienced.

Born in the Summer Court, the heavy snow during Night Court winters was unfamiliar to you, and made flying difficult. Unlike the Illyrians’ wings, which were bare and ideal for flight in freezing temperatures, the delicate feathers of your bone white wings abhorred the cold. 

The stiffness in your wings spread throughout your body, teeth chattering as you forced your legs through the snow to the open door Azriel held for you, an amused smile playing on his lips. Cauldron, those beautiful lips. Your eyes trailed from those lips, down his body as the spymaster heaved in breaths. You were glad to see you weren’t the only one tired from the flight.

As soon as you made it through the doorway, heat seeped into you, a deep comfort settling over your bones. You turned to Azriel, that same smile tugging at his mouth as he seemingly read your thoughts. “Magic. Rhys keeps the place a comfortable temperature, so it’s warm even in the winter.” Enchanted by the unexpected comforts of the cozy cabin, you walked into the kitchen area, taking in the surroundings. 

All of the walls of the cabin were painted, five sets of eyes lining the hallway at the top of the stairs. You scowled at the silvery eyes that seemed to follow you, wings twitching behind you at the uncomfortable feeling, until you reached a familiar set of hazel eyes at the end. A soft smile graced your features, suddenly feeling safe under the watchful eye of Azriel. 

You turned to question the spymaster about the artwork when a cup of hot chocolate appeared on the counter in front of you. Gasping, you jumped back and collided with the shadowsinger. A rare, soft laugh escaped his lips, and you felt as though you might melt at the sound. Scarred hands gently grabbed your arms, helping stand you upright as he leaned over you and grabbed the cup to place in your hands. “The cabin is sentient, so it will supply you with whatever you ask, within reason. Or whatever it thinks you need... In this case, hot chocolate.” 

You blushed, taking a sip of the warm drink and moaned at the rich taste. Azriel’s eyes were dark as he watched you lick the chocolate from your lips, the spymaster clearing his throat as he quickly looked away from you. Your wings shuddered at his attention, and a wince left you at the movement of the sore muscles beneath. 

Shadows curled around Azriel’s own wings, smokey wisps circling his ear as he studied your feathers. “The house will run a bath for you, so you can clean and warm your wings if you wish. Second door on the left.” Almost too distracted by the alluring darkness swirling in front of you, it took a moment to register what Azriel was saying. “Oh, yes. Thank you, Az,” you murmured, setting down the cup as you turned to make your way upstairs for a much needed bath. 

Entering the room, you found a spacious bed - something unusual in your court, as most there did not have wings. But you supposed it was a necessity with the large Illyrians who often stayed here - Azriel in particular had the largest set of wings you had seen on anyone. 

Stripping down, you padded into the bathroom where dim faelights lit the area. A bath was already filled, lavender aromas drifting from the steamy waters of the tub. You giggled, feeling gleeful as you skipped over to the tub and sank beneath the surface. You let out a quiet moan at the feeling, your tired muscles finally rewarded after a long day.

You looked around the tub, searching for anything to use to clean your wings. Because they were feathers, you had to use a long handle to brush between them when you bathed. As Illyrians had bare wings, you should have assumed that they would not have such difficulty washing their own wings. You huffed out a frustrated breath, attempting to reach over your shoulder in awkward angles to find the remaining dirt and snow that had worked its way in your wings.

A knock sounded on the bathroom door, Azriel calling out to you. “Hey, I felt a tu- I felt like you might need something. Is everything okay in there?” Your eyes welled with frustrated tears, humiliated that the Night Court spymaster should find you like this. “Everything is fine, Az. I’ll be okay.” You choked on the last word, and Azriel swore under his breath as he kicked the door open. 

“Something is wrong. Please tell me how I can help, or I won’t be able to sleep,” he said, looking everywhere around the room except at you. A small laugh escaped you at his attempt at chivalry. “You can look at me, Az. I’m not shy. I just can’t reach the dirt on my wings.” A sniffle sounded through the air as you looked at the shadowsinger, whose gaze was only fixed on your dirty, crumpled wings as you trembled in the tub. He swallowed, more nervous than you had ever seen him as Azriel whispered, “I can help you. If- if that is okay.”

You nodded without hesitation. The social taboos of how intimate touching wings was didn’t matter to you in that moment, as you were desperate for Azriel’s healing touch. The shadowsinger nodded, moving behind the tub as he awkwardly reached towards your wings. “Um, how should I-?” 

You turned around, unable to stop your laughter at the Night Court’s spymaster hunched over the edge of a bathtub. “You can get in, Azriel. No offense, but you could use a bath too,” you teased, wrinkling your nose for dramatic effect. He scoffed, his weight shifting between his feet as he considered. “Okay,” Az murmured, looking at you to turn around before he undressed.

You rolled your eyes at the nearly six hundred year old male’s shyness, but turned around anyway, scooting towards the other end of the tub to make room for him. You silently marveled at how large the bathtub was as well, another luxury you were not used to. Your thoughts were interrupted by the water moving as Azriel silently entered the bath. 

Clearing his throat, he asked, “so, how is the best way to wash them?” You smiled to yourself before handing him a rag. “Just anywhere that you see dirt, if you could use the washcloth or your hands - whatever is easiest - to wipe it away. It usually gets stuck higher up and between feathers.” 

You heard his deep inhale from behind as he brought the washcloth over your wings, biting your lip to keep from moaning at the feeling. After awhile of Azriel using the washcloth, he whispered in a shaky voice, “I think I need to use my hands to get the rest.” You nodded your consent, peeking over your shoulder to see the focused male with his brow furrowed as he lathered soap on his scarred hands. This time when his hands made contact with your wings, you couldn’t help the gasp that escaped you. 

He pulled back quickly, eyes and shadows wildly searching for any sign of harm. “Are you okay? I’m so sor-“ You cut him off with a breathy laugh. “No, Az, it’s fine. They’re just... sensitive. I’m not hurt.” You promised, looking into those hazel eyes as you swore to him. Azriel nodded, continuing his work with even softer care now, you biting your li until it bled to keep your moans from frightening him away. 

“Okay, they’re looking beautiful and pristine as ever,” Azriel announced after awhile, one finger skirting the outside of your right wing as he spoke. You huffed a thank you, both relieved and heartbroken that it was over, when it dawned on you. “Do... you need help with your wings, Azriel?”

It was quiet for a moment, the question weighing heavy in the air before Azriel responded, “yes, I would greatly appreciate that.” The both of you turned around, his broad wings on display for you in the tub as he now faced the other edge. You gently washed his wings - admittedly much easier and faster than your own. He was silent the whole time - except for when you brushed a large vein on his left wing - one groan sounding from him that you kindly ignored. It was an unspoken understanding that neither of you would admit, that Azriel did not need help washing his wings. But something in your chest called you to him, to care for him in the most intimate of ways.

While you dragged it out for as long as you could, the bathwater eventually grew colder and Azriel’s wings could not be much cleaner. The two of you accepted that the moment was over, exiting the bath as you donned your towels. Azriel picked up his leathers, slowly making his way towards the door when you blurted out, “stop.” 

He slowly turned, eyeing you cautiously while you scrambled to find a reason for him to stay. “I - um, I don’t know the area as well as you, obviously... Would you mind staying in here tonight? The bed has plenty of room.” With a deep breath, you admitted, “I would feel safer with you.” Azriel smiled at you, a glowing feeling tugging in your chest at the sight as he made his way towards your bed, settling under the covers.

Part 2 | Part 3

#acotar #acotar x reader #a court of thorns and roses #azriel #acomaf #acotar fanfiction #azriel acotar #acotar fanfic #azriel shadowsinger #azriel spymaster #acotar fic #azriel fanfic #acotar azriel #azriel x y/n #azriel x reader #azriel x you #azriel x reader fluff #acotar imagine #acotar fluff #azriel acotar x reader #acotar x you #acotar x reader fluff #acotar reader fic #acotar reader imagine #acotar azriel x reader #azriel acosf #azriel fic #azriel fluff #acosf

[ladylokilaufeyson5]

Where The Shadows Dance

Bodyguard!Azriel x AutumnDaughter!Reader

SUMMARY: When Beron invites the Night Court to his Autumn home in an attempt to strengthen bonds between the two courts, Azriel and his companions are suspicious of potential ulterior motives. They are, ultimately, correct to think this, as Beron does have a reason for his invitation.

Y/n Vanserra, the Autumn Court's untamed princess, needs a bodyguard, and who better than one of the Night Court warriors who helped command the armies against Hybern?

Y/n's untamed spirit clashes with Azriel's reserved nature, leading to unwilling adventures and forbidden explorations of the Autumn Court's hidden corners. And Azriel slowly stops finding himself able to say no - not when she flirts with him to get her way, or teases him for being a 'broody old male.'

And though he knows he shouldn't, he finds himself falling for her. It will jeopardise everything, and yet he can't help it...

But it's okay, because she's falling for him too.

GENERAL WARNINGS: swearing, violence, descriptions of injuries and blood, smut (18+ mdni), um... yeah

Chapter i - The Proposition

Chapter ii - The Bodyguard

Chapter iii - The Princess

Chapter iv - coming soon

Chapter v - coming soon

#azriel #writing #fanfiction #x reader #acotar azriel #azriel imagine #azriel acotar #azriel x reader #azriel shadowsinger #azriel x y/n #acotar fanfiction #acotar #acotar x reader #azriel acotar x reader #azriel shadowsinger x reader #shadowsinger x reader #azriel spymaster #acotar fandom #shadowsinger #where the shadows dance #wtsd

[vanserrasswife]

Please, Stay

Part 2

Azriel x Reader

Summary: Azriel returns from his mission and you confront him about him leaving you a week prior.

Word count:1702

One week later

It’s a cold night, the fire roaring in the corner of the living room not doing much to protect against the harsh cold. I shiver as I pull the blankets closer around me, wishing he was here. If he was here I wouldn’t have needed all of these blankets, we could have been in bed together long ago. The warmth of his body shielding me from the cold.

My eyes flutter shut again before I force them open, the words on the page blurring. I slam the book closed, looking out of the window into the dark. How late is he going to be? I let out a long breath and rest my cheek against my hand. If I stare into the night for too long I can almost imagine him there, just watching me. Waiting for me to realise he’s there and run out to greet him.

Not this time. This time he can come to me. My heart aches slightly at the memory of the fight a week ago. If you could even call it a fight, it was just me begging him to stay and him leaving as always. This time I’ll speak to him about it, I won’t just brush it under the rug.

My eyes shut again and I let sleep take me away, maybe he’ll be back by the time I wake up. Maybe, just maybe, I’ll wake up to Azriel cradling me in his arms and apologising, telling me that he’ll stay. That he won’t be leaving again for a while. That he’s mine for a while and I’m his.

————————————————————————

Sunlight pours in through the window and I hiss, rubbing at my eyes as I adjust to the light of late morning. I stretch my legs and sigh, my eyes eagerly scan the room for a hint of him. A muddy footprint, a pair of boots by the door, a coat slung over the back of a chair, a lone shadow. Nothing. Nothing except for a piece of paper, lying on the kitchen counter.

My hand trembles slightly as I pick up the paper and unfold it. The sight of my mate’s neat handwriting and the faint scent of him coming off of the letter, bringing a smile to my face. A smile that's quickly wiped from my features. Two more days. He’s going to be gone for two more days. The tears return, the ache deep inside me becoming stronger.

I’m going to be alone for another two days, a half laugh, half sob chokes its way out of me and I frown as I storm off to mine and Azriel’s shared room. I fling the wardrobe doors open, hinges creaking as I start to throw clothes into a bag. I move around the house in a similar manner, grabbing necessities, enough to sustain me but not to alarm Azriel as soon as he gets back.

This is the last time. I throw the packed bag into the back of my side of the wardrobe. He has one chance. One more chance to fix this. To stay with me. Or I’m gone.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

I glance up from my book as the front door swings open and I hear boots being wiped on the doormat. My heart skips a beat as I listen intently to the sounds of my mate taking off all of his work gear, knife holsters and weapons being left by the door to be put away later.

I take a deep breath, schooling my smiling face into a neutral one as I remember the conversation yet to be had. My stomach drops and my heart beats faster as my mate’s towering form walks through the doorway and he sits himself down on the couch next to me.

Shadows dart out to weave through my fingers as Azriel reaches over to gently take my book from my hands. He places it down on the couch, the other side of him and gently cups my jaw guiding me to look at him. Tears begin to well in my eyes at the gentle touch, at the love contained in it.

Azriel shushes me, promising me that everything is ok and he gently brushes away a tear before pulling me into him. Into his embrace, his warmth, his comfort. Azriel holds me silently, letting me release the tears I had been holding for the past week. I sniffle, the tears slowing as I pull away from his shoulder, out of his embrace. A hand stays brushing tears off of my cheeks, the other rubbing circles into my hip.

“Angel, are you ok?” I let out a shaky breath, my eyes focusing on the shadows weaving through my fingers. Azriel’s hand gently grabs my chin, pulling my head up to look at his. Deep hazel eyes meeting my own. I shake my head softly and pull out of his grip, moving further away from him. I need a clear mind for this conversation, I need to put some space between us.

Azriel doesn’t try to move closer to me as I start my rant, the words I had been holding in for a week all spilling out at once. “I’m upset Az, I thought that you could stay for a while and then you couldn’t and I-'' The words fall steadily out of my mouth and Azriel’s shoulders sink slightly, he curls in on himself slightly as if he was just now realising the extent of how upset I had been at his inability to stay with me.

“And I know that it's your job and that.” I stop for a breather as Azriel looks into my eyes for the first time since I had started my rant. “I know that you have to do your job and that you have to do whatever the High Lord says,” my voice is calmer now and Azriel is still staring straight at me, “but I- I just wish that you could stay for longer than a handful of days at a time.” My shoulders slump and I let out a long breath as Azriel starts speaking.

“Baby, It’s my job. I have to do it, even if it means I have to be away from you.” Another sob wracks its way through my chest and comes out my mouth accompanied by a laugh. Of all the ways I thought this conversation would go, I knew it would be this way. His work is more important than me. I knew that and I still held on to the hope that I would be his priority, more important than his job. But I’m not.

I take a deep breath, I need to calm down before the conversation continues. I need a break, maybe some fresh air. I could go for a walk and come back to this in an hour or two. If Azriel will even still be here. I try to push the thought away, but its engraved itself in the front of my mind. Oh gods. What if I leave and when I come back and he’s left again. I need to finish the conversation now.

“Your job means more to you than I do.” I cringe as I say the words out loud, but don’t find myself apologising, I can’t find it in me to apologise for saying it. Saying the thought that had been nagging at me for days now. Azriel winces and I know my words have hit something deep within him. Have upset him, maybe now he’ll know how I felt when he left.

“Angel. My job- it doesn’t-” I meet his eyes, silver lining them. The light reflects off of the watery tracks drawn across his cheeks and I fight every urge to go to him and comfort him. To tell him that everything will be ok, when I don’t know if it will be.

Azriel moves to stand in front of me, his hands gently cupping my face. A look of desperation taints his features and he shakes slightly. “I’m so sorry, bunny, I never want to make you feel like that. I’m so so sorry and I-” he blows out a breath, dropping to his knees before me. Hands encircling my waist he presses kisses to my clothed stomach. “Az, I-”

“I’ll speak to Rhys, I’ll make him send someone else. I’ll spend more time with you. I’ll do anything just please, please give me a chance.” His hands tighten around me, fisting my shirt pulling me impossibly closer to him. “Just one more chance.” He mutters over and over and over again. Like a prayer, a worship, a wish. He repeats it louder, quieter, barely a whisper, carving the words into my skin through kisses and touches.

“Az.” I whisper and he freezes, silence embracing us as his gentle words and loving touches stop. Slowly, as if I have forever, I reach down, taking Azriel’s chin between my thumb and forefinger and tilt his head up to look at me. His normally godly features look ethereal, devastatingly beautiful as he sucks in a harsh breath. Hazel eyes shining with hope. Hope for a second chance. Hope for a chance to fix this.

“One chance.” I whisper, his face lights up and he wraps his arms around my waist again, pressing fast loving kisses to any part of me he can reach. “But you have to prove it. Properly.” He nods, hair brushing against my abdomen, “And you have to stick to it. Not just for a few weeks, but forever.” His hand starts rubbing my back through my top and I suddenly wish I wasn’t wearing it. “I still don’t fully forgive you for leaving the way you did.” His eyes glaze over with a new wave of tears but he fights them down, adam's apple catching in his throat as he nods slowly. Nodding in understanding and shame. Shame at how he had made his love, his mate feel.

“I promise, my love, I’ll do whatever it takes.” I nod and run my hands through his hair, brushing out the knots and tangles. “But first,” Azriel looks up at me expectantly, “I want to speak to Rhysand.”

#acotar #acotar x reader #azriel x reader #azriel acotar #acotar azriel angst #azriel acotar x reader #azriel angst #azriel x you #azriel shadowsinger #acotar azriel

[saltnseas]

Oh, baby

summary: you and azriel announce to the inner circle you're pregnant

warnings: allusions to s*x

author's note: really short fic that i wanted to write. huge thank you to @toorusplant for being such a big help when writing this and helping me write this, love ya!

Azriel’s hand slides around your waist as you stand in front of the mirror. “You look gorgeous, my love.” 

You turn around and smile. “You ready to tell them?”

Azriel’s hand smooths over your belly. The bump is barely there, and not even visible, but Azriel doesn’t care. Ever since you two found out about the babe, it’s been a constant need to hold each other and bask in each other’s presence. “Yeah, I’m ready to tell them.” 

He takes your hand and leads you down the steps into the dining room. Everyone is there and people throw their usual greetings at you as you enter. 

Dinner goes well and it’s about the usual thing. The Batboys teasing each other. The girls gossip about the latest celebrity drama. 

Until finally, Rhysand takes out some wine, and offers you some, you know it’s time. Azriel gives you a gentle squeeze on your leg. “Um, actually Rhys, I can’t drink that.” You say with a cheeky smile. 

Rhysand gasps, “You’re…..pregnant.” 

Feyre squeals, “You’re pregnant!” 

Your friends all come and hug you. Rhysand and Cassian clap Azriel on the back, and you hear shouts, “You don’t have the biggest wingspan for nothing!” 

Mor squeals as she hugs you, “I knew it! When we went dress shopping I noticed you went up two cup sizes already!” She says with a laugh. 

When the laughter calms down, Cassian thinks before saying abruptly, “Wait a minute Az, that means you did it raw!” 

“Shut up Cassian!” You all say in unison. 

Nesta was for sure going to make him sleep outside for the night.

#azriel x reader #acotar fanfiction #a court of thorns and roses #acotar #azriel #azriel acotar #azriel shadowsinger #azriel x you #azriel acotar x reader #azriel fluff #azriel angst

[siphvns]

IN THE ALCOVE

azriel x reader

summary ; reader owns a shop in velaris that azriel happens to stumble upon. he can’t seem to stay away.

a/n ; gonna be so fr with y’all. the ending is not my favorite, but i’ve rewritten it a million times so please let me know what you think!

word count ; 2.2k

warnings; none!

Azriel isn’t sure what called him to this little shop hidden in an alcove somewhere along the Rainbow. He doesn’t remember much of what happened while walking here, only that he was in an entirely foul mood after an unsuccessful scouting in the Autumn Court. But that doesn’t matter to him now.

No, the moment he set foot in the Palace of Thread and Jewels he felt it. Something telling him to go this way, then turn the corner, keep walking, turn again, until finally he stood in front of the door to your shop. His hazel eyes glance to the intricately carved wooden sign hanging above the door.

Velaris Thread & Stitch.

The Shadowsinger peers in the window first. There are mannequins in the window—one in a suit, the other in a dress—and behind those mannequins he spots different articles of clothing hanging on the walls, displayed on the racks placed in the space between. 

He enters without thinking any further, taking in just how many pieces there truly are on display. Then he sees you.

Pretty little you, brows furrowed as you lean over the checkout counter with your face near buried in the pages of a leather-bound book. You’re wearing an outfit similar to what Amren would wear—baggy pants and a cropped shirt, true Night court fashion—with your hair falling in your face, one hand barely keeping the locks from your eyes. You don’t seem to care, though. He’s thankful you haven’t noticed him yet, thankful for his stealthiness because he can spend a while longer admiring you.

He stops himself before his staring would turn creepy to fold his hands behind his back and tentatively clearing his throat. “Excuse me,”

Your yelp makes the corner of his lip twitch, but he’s quick to shove the smirk away when you finally meet his gaze. 

“Mother above,” you rasp, the hand that previously held the hair from your face is now clutching at your chest. 

“I apologize,” Azriel expresses, though his amusement is barely hidden. “I did not mean to startle you.”

You smile and gods he’s not sure what’s taken over him. He breathes in sharply to suppress the beat of his heart.

He watches you take him in. How it takes you barely any time to recognize who he is, ow your spine straightens moments after. “Shadowsinger—how may I help you?

Azriel considers your words, feeling your eyes track his every movement. From the back of his head to his neck, his wings, the length of his powerful body, he feels your gaze take him in when you think he won’t notice. “I,” he pauses. His hesitation is both from your staring and that he really hadn’t thought about what he would say. New tunic? New pants? New…socks? Fuck. “Show me your finest…tunic.”

If you sense his hesitation, you don’t speak on it. Instead, you nod warmly and shut your notebook. “Any color or fabric preferences?”

“Just your finest.”

Humming, you stroll to the back. It’s Azriel’s turn to watch you, eyes tracking the sway of your hips and the swish of your pants. He takes pride in the way you shiver before disappearing behind the curtain. 

You emerge from that same curtain minutes later, a pile of tunics layered on top of your arms. “These are my latest additions,” you explain, laying the garments on the counter. “The embroidery on the neckline and tops of the sleeves of this one is a work in progress…I have yet to decide how I want to finalize the design. But you’re free to try them on if you so wish. Dressing rooms are down the hall.”

Azriel inspects the tunic with your embroidery on it first, tilting his head in thought. The design is similar to that of his own Illyrian whorls, and he’s in awe of how well you managed to capture the essence of it, even if you hadn’t realized what you were designing.

He decides to try them all on if only to spend more time in the shop, so he gathers the up with one hand and sets for the dressing room without a word.

He hears you huff a quiet laugh before the rustling of pages follows its melodic sound.

+++

“Shit.” 

Trying to stitch the design you and Azriel had come up with for his latest purchase, a custom suit jacket for Starfall in a month, was a nightmare. You’re sure the sharp needle has pricked your skin at least seven times within the past three minutes, and you’re starting to lose your sanity. 

Azriel’s come into your shop frequently as of late, each time an excuse rolling off the tip of his tongue the moment you ask how you can help him. 

“My leathers need mending.”

“That sweater you made me—I would like to purchase more.”

“I..need a…scarf?”

The last one had you grinning, tilting your head at him while you asked, “Well, do you?”

He shrugged then, asking to see what you had. You spent the next hour going through the scarves you already made, then you went through yarn in the back of the shop, and finally, after another twenty minutes of just chatting, he left. The scarf was forgotten and Azriel never mentioned it again. 

Safe to say, he didn’t need the scarf. 

You scrub your eyes to rid the memory of that night from your mind. It would do you no good to involve yourself with the Shadowsinger anymore than you already were. He was near royalty to you: a member of the Inner Circle, a close friend of the High Lord…he was something out of your reach. It didn’t matter how much he frequented your shop, nor did it matter how many times your friends told you he clearly was interested. Just because he came to the shop almost every day that doesn’t mean he likes you, right?

Maybe he just needs clothes.

The fabric of his suit jacket under your fingertips does little to distract you. You let Azriel know when he came in a few days ago that his sweaters would be ready today, and that he could come in to pick them up whenever. He nodded in understanding, saying he would be here before he left without another word. 

A ring pulls you from your thoughts. The bell on your door—Azriel. 

His work-in-progress order almost falls to the floor with how quick you jump up. You place the jacket on the table hastily, hands smoothing the fabric of your pants and brushing your hair from your face to look somewhat presentable.

Your appearance is forgotten when you exit the back room and see those wings, that face.  

“You’re early today,” You remark, smiling softly at him as you slide up to the register. 

Azriel shrugs, hands stuffed in his pockets. “I wasn’t lying when I said I liked those sweaters.”

“Are you sure you aren’t in need of a new wardrobe?” You tease the Illyrian whilst gathering his latest order from under the counter. 

Azriel cracks a smile. It’s one that you’ve been blessed with seeing as of late: gentle, relaxed, joyful. His hands drag along a rack of dresses mindlessly as he makes his way to you. “Nothing I own is as beautiful as what you have made for me.”

Your hands falter. “Well then,” you dip your head to try and hide the heat rising to your cheeks. “I’m honored, Shadowsinger.”

He makes it to your counter, leaning against it with his head tipped sideways as he studies you in a way that makes your heart race. “Azriel.” He speaks after a long stretch of silence. “Call me Azriel.”

Again, you dip your head. Is it possible for your cheeks to get any hotter? “Of course.” You mumble, fingers fumbling for a bag to put his sweaters in. 

The colors are…very Azriel. One dark blue, one ash grey, and one inky black. His original sweater was dark blue as well, but a shade darker than the one he recently ordered. Shocking. 

It’s silent while you package the sweaters, but Azriel’s eyes on you is loud enough. You know if you squirm, he’ll clock the movement and you would rather not have him knowing just how much of an affect he has on you. 

After what feels like an eternity, you slide the bag of sweaters over to him.

“Here,” Azriel grunts, pushing you a pouch containing an excessive number of marks. He holds up a hand as you begin to protest. “It’s a thank you on top of my payment.”

You frown, brows knitting together. “That’s—

“Please,” He whispers, eyes pleading with you. “I’ve made some absurd requests since I’ve been coming here, and you’ve fulfilled all of them. It’s a thank you for my…bullshit.”

Your lips slowly stretch into a smile before you’re taking the pouch of marks from him with a hum. “Your bullshit is appreciated.”

“Is that so?” Forearms now resting on the counter, he gives you a lazy smile. You curse him internally for it.

Coughing, you turn from the counter to busy yourself with cleaning. “Yes,” you hum. “You’re a nice change of pace compared to my typical customers.”

You see him nod but he doesn’t say anything, another round of silence stretching on between the two of you. This is something you’ve grown to like. Azriel looks around at your work, you fuss about brushing the dust from racks and the wiping away the smudges on your store front window, and the both of you enjoy each other’s company.

“I’ll be gone for a few weeks.” He says quietly, as if he was hesitant to break the comfortable silence. There’s no explanation to follow it because you already know what he means. 

“I see,” you mumble, shuffling back to the front counter. The room seems gloomy now, knowing that you won’t see him every other day disappointing you more than you would ever like to admit. You try to smile at him, but it’s forced and there’s no doubt he notices. “How very boring my job will be without you asking for special projects.”

Azriel gives a hint of a smile, leaning against the counter as he does whenever he’s giving you his full attention. “I have one thing to request of you before I leave.” He cocks his head, inky black hair falling from its haphazard style. Your fingers itch to reach out and brush it back. “If you’re willing, that is.”

“You know I am.” You shrug, trying to give that impression of carelessness that you’ve seen him pull off from time to time. 

“Let me take you to dinner.” 

“What?” you choke, blinking rapidly. All your disappointment is forgotten for the time being and replaced by a racing heart. “What about your…duties?”

A shake of his head. “Rhysand can come find me if he really needs me.” He gives you that pleading look again, twin to the look he gave you earlier. “A new place on the Sidra just opened. I’ve heard it’s lovely.”

“Oh,” you breathe, brushing a stray piece of hair from your face. It feels strange to hear that Azriel, the Night Court’s feared Shadowsinger and spymaster is asking you on… “A date?”

“If you want it to be.”

Folded in your lap are your hands, fingers messing with the fabric of your pants. Azriel leans closer, and it’s harder for you to focus the closer he gets. A date. If your friends were here, they would be screaming at you to say yes. After they all laughed and said, “I told you so!”

Maybe you would wait a bit to tell them. You’re not sure your want to give them the satisfaction yet.

You clear your throat, meeting his gaze. “I…that would be nice.”

Azriel smiles brighter than you’ve ever seen, straightening to his full height. “Alright. I’ll pick you up tomorrow after sundown?”

“Sure,” you grin. “Don’t be late.”

“I would never,” he says softly, giving you one last smile before he turns to the door. 

He barely makes it our of view before you’re running to the back so no one could see you squeal and dance in a circle.  

+++

Azriel shoots to the skies after rounding the corner, thanking the Mother that you said yes. 

He’d told no one, but Nesta was able to spot his odd behavior with ease. She pestered him weeks ago about it, saying he was acting like a “lovesick fool”. He spent the night talking about you, about how many random clothing items he’s gotten rid of just to replace with your pieces. She’d laughed so hard that he nearly threw himself out the window.

“So, you aren’t just acting like a lovesick fool, you are a lovesick fool.”

He’d rolled his eyes and wrapped up their conversation quickly, claiming he had a headache. Her knowing scoff followed him all the way back to his room. It was the same scoff she gave whenever he came back from his visits without asking you to dinner.

Nesta would be pleased to hear that he did, in fact, ask you to dinner this time. And you said yes.

Azriel lands on the balcony of the House of Wind, making his way into Nesta’s home with a grin. She’s sitting in a cushy chair next to the window, a book in her hand that she snaps shut as soon as she spots the look on Azriel’s face.

“Well?” she asks, humor lacing the single word. 

Azriel flops into the chair across from her and he launches into the story.

Who knew that little alcove would lead him to his mate?

#azriel x reader #azriel x you #azriel x y/n #acotar x reader #acotar x you #acotar x y/n #azriel acotar x reader #azriel acotar x you #azriel acotar x y/n #azriel fanfic

[walkerchick007]

Oh my god I need help! I was really into a fic that someone was posting but I can’t find it anywhere! It was a Azriel x reader. Where reader was Rhys’s sister and Cassian and Azriel made a bargain with Rhys to not touch her. But Az and reader fell for each other and are trying to find a way around it or break the bargain.

I don’t remember the blog who was writing it! 😭😭 Help!!🫶🏼🫶🏼

UPDATE: The fix is Untouchable by @serpentandlily 🫶🏼🫶🏼 it’s a REALLY good read! 🫶🏼

#acotar #azriel #azriel x reader #azriel x you #fanfic #batboys #feyre archeron #feyre cursebreaker #acotar azriel #azriel acotar x reader #azriel angst #azriel shadowsinger #azriel fanfic #azriel acotar

[itsjamesstan]

heyyy so i’m looking for a fic series if anyone can help. it’s a fic series my friend recommended to me to kind of encourage me to read acotar — lol it worked.

anyway it’s a azriel x reader fic and basically azriel is sent to the day court by rhysand because of elain i believe and he’s basically exiled there. reader kind of as i think an emissary for helion is the one encouraging him to take care of himself, getting him food, socialising and hanging out with him, reader even tried their hand at training because he said that was his hobby. they eventually fall in love and have a picnic under the stars and it’s all cute and stuff. then rhysand comes to get azriel to let him know he can come home and he leaves without letting reader know. reader is heartbroken and sent to one of the villages to kind of work through the heartache. azriel comes to find her and they make up and it’s all cute.

i know that’s a lot but if anyone knows what i’m talking about let me know 🥰

#azriel #azriel x reader #acotar #acotar x reader #azriel acotar x reader #a court of thorns and roses

[bubbles-for-all-of-us]

But do you love me?

a/n this just came out of nowhere. Had a little break and my brain said Azriel. So, I said yes in return.

summary: Azriel and oc having silly conversations before falling asleep. Or more like Azriel dealing with a slight sleep deprived lover.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

It was late, and Azriel was more than thankful that he had a chance to slip away from his family and spend the night on the outskirts of Velaris, tangled up in his lover's embrace. The relationship was fairly new. Azriel had fought his heart and feelings as if it were a battle of survival for a handful of months. He denied the fuzzy feelings until he was blue. He crushed the delicate butterflies every chance that he got. Waiting for you to leave. To come to your senses and realize that he wasn’t worthy of your love.

But you stayed. Stayed and fought back. Not letting him fully push you out. Always showing up. Always remember the little things that Azriel enjoyed. From knitted sweaters to lavender tea. From slightly open windows at night to lemon sugar cookies. You let him set the pace with almost everything. Physical touch was a touchy subject, no pun intended, for the spymaster, so you let him make the first move. Get familiar with what he liked. Yet Azriel was convinced that he was never going to forget the smile on your face when he finally reached to hold your hand after your tenth date. The sky might have been full of stars that night, but your eyes shone brighter then the brightest start in the sky ever could.

Now the spymaster let out a content sigh at the feeling of you pressing against his chest. The hour was rather late, but since both of you had no plans, neither of you cared about it. But it did feel heavenly to finally lay between plush sheets after a long day. Azriel was a step from slipping into blissful sleep when he felt you turning in his embrace. Your palms pressed into his bare chest as you moved to hover over him slightly.

The shadowsinger opened one of his eyes lazily. You were biting your lip. A sign that something was still brewing in your head. Azriel tried to suppress his smile at the sight of you like that, slowly reaching to push some loose strands of hair behind your air.

“Out with it, my love," he muttered softly, watching as your eyes landed on him, instantly sparking way brighter. “This is serious, by the way," you warned him instantly, making Azriel frown slightly. “I never said that it wasn’t. What’s keeping you up?" He shifted his body slightly as well, wanting to have a good look at your face.

You watched him for a heartbeat before muttering, “Would you still love me if I was a worm?” Azriel stilled for a moment, letting your words sink in. For a moment, he thought that maybe he had heard you wrong, but the determination on your face washed that thought away.

“Yes, sweetheart, I would still love you," he reassured you, but you shook your head, muttering, “No, don’t think about me as in me; think about me as a worm," you added in a serious tone. Azriel bit the inside of his cheek, “Yeah, I think you would make a pretty cute worm." He nodded his head, making sure to keep his face straight.

“What about if I was a dust bunny?", you practically cut into Azriel’s last statement, making the male let out a low chuckle, but since your mind was working faster than Azriel could pull himself to answer, your palms hit his chest in excitement as you muttered, "No, I have a better question; do you think butterflies are intelligent?”.

That sent Azriel into a full-body laugh. He simply couldn’t contain his laugh anymore. It’s not so much that he found it silly and pointless. It’s the way you were determined to get an answer as if it determined the most important part of your life.

“I'm serious, Azriel," you groaned, clearly not as pleased with your boyfriend’s reaction. Azriel nodded his head, still smiling. "Yes, I think they are." You nodded alongside him, "But... Why?”. Azriel bit his lip, trying not to fall into another fit of giggles as he muttered, “Go to sleep, baby." Tugging at your arm, Azriel hoped to get you closer to him once more. But you had other plans and turned to flop down on your back next to him instead. "No, how will I sleep now?", you huffed, raising your hands in frustration.

"Love," Azriel pleaded. It was entertaining to watch you in your slightly sleep-deprived form. Not to mention that it got him thinking about how a night after Rita’s would look if this was how your brain worked when you were tired. “Where do they fit their brain?", You tapped your finger against your forehead, frowning slightly. “Oh, Mother, please," Azriel growled, turning to flop right onto your chest. Aware of his size and weight, but enough to keep you in one place. And most importantly, to keep you close to him. Azriel gently nuzzled against your neck, opting to leave a kiss or two as he went. And was more than happy to feel your hands slowly moving to scratch the back of his neck as your fingers tangled in his hair.

"But..." you muttered after a moment. “Do you love me?” Your voice was barely a whisper. "Yes," Azriel muttered again, pulling back to brush his nose against yours before leaning closer to capture your lips in a kiss. He knew that, for the most part, you had been anxious to date him too. And even if this was all fun and games, Azriel couldn’t help but wonder if, in a way, this was your nagging doubts needing that extra reassurance.

“But do you?", your delicate gaze searched him. Azriel crooked his head to the side. “I just said yes. My answer hasn't changed, love," his fingers gently brushed against your cheek. “But you said it without you knowing..." Your voice died down as you searched for the right words. A slight frown paints your face. “Without what?", Azriel smiled at you, waiting patiently for you to pick up your battle in your head.

“Without the bedazzle," you crinkled your fingers, narrowing your eyes. “A what?", Azriel was left frowning once more. “The umpf," you urged, making tiny expressions with your hands. Azriel let out a low sigh. “You are losing the plot,” He moved one of his arms around your middle, pulling your body closer to him as he turned to lay back on his back. “Go to sleep," he muttered against your ear.

But your peaceful stillness lasted no longer than a heartbeat. “That was mean," you pouted at your boyfriend. "Love", Azriel grunted as you pushed against his chest to sit up. His fingers tried to hold you back, but you batted his hands away. “Naah, now I don't want to sleep facing you," you said, crossing your arms over your chest. Trying to keep a serious face even if the look on Azriel’s face was worthy of a chuckle. You watched as he calculated his next answer before muttering,

“Are you about to start your cycle?”, the moment a gasp left your lips, Azriel knew that he shouldn’t have. Both his and Rhys’s mothers had drilled it into their heads that one should never ask females questions regarding their cycles, especially ones that imply their behavior being affected by it.

“Azriel, I will suffocate you in your sleep”, you scrunched up your nose right as Azriel leaned over to tackle you into the plush sheets, once again wrapping you in his warmth. You, however, didn’t give up the fight, wiggling in his embrace. I tried to huff and puff, but soon the sounds turned into laughter. “Stop moving around," Azriel chimed as his fingers danced along your ribcage. “You are squishing me," you wheezed, your eyes filling up with tears. Happy tears. Azriel kissed them away one by one. “Give up the fight, darling," he mussed, “and just go to sleep, please." Azriel chuckled as you tapped against his chest, taking in deep breaths to catch your breath.

“But do you love me?", you bit your lip, trying to suppress yet another chuckle when Azriel dropped his head back with a growl. Exposing his toned neck. Making his ink-covered muscles flex. Before he narrowed his eyes at you. “Yes, yes, and yes," he stated. “Even if you were a worm, a slug, a bird, a boat, or a sticky bun," Azriel listed one thing after another. “I love you now and most definitely will love you in another lifetime." His hazel eyes were full of affection as he spoke. "Screw that," he huffed, leaning in to press his forehead against yours, “I will love you in all the universes, all the worlds." The shadow singer watched as you bit your lip, trying to suppress the wobble in your chin. “Even if you’re a wildflower in the field and I’m the morning breeze passing through, I will still love you”, Azriel’s words were met with a shaky exhale. And then both your legs and arms were messily wrapped around him as you pulled him closer. “Careful, or I will crush you," Azriel chuckled, trying to keep some of his weight off you, but you didn’t seem to mind. “You are the sweetest, most precious male I have ever met," you muttered into his embrace. “Doubt that..." Azriel had begun to object to the fact that you had called him precious, but your finger had found his lips before he could say anything else. “I love you, and to me, you will always be just Azriel," you said, “My Azriel with a heart of gold."

#azriel x reader #azriel x you #azriel x oc #azriel acotar x reader #azriel acotar imagine #azriel spymaster #azriel acotar #azriel shadowsinger #azriel imagine #acotar imagine #acotar x you #acotar x reader

[equinelifecountry]

Azriel x Reader

warning: suicide, blood

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

drip drip drip

why is there so much blood?

Red, thats all i see in the water. The water now running over the top of the tub. i should shut it off before it makes a mess but im to numb my vision is blurry.

drip drip drip

it hurt at first when i took that blade of that knife and dragged it across my arm watching as the little beads of blood forming on my arm but it wasnt enough, no i need more.

drip drip drip

i took the blade up my arm starting from the wrist pushing it in the sink and sliding the blade up to the crease of my elbow the blood drained out of my arm. the pain started to east not the physical pain the mental, emotional pain.

drip drip drip

my arm draped over the edge of the tub the blood now running down the side of the tub on to the floor with the water the mix of the two was such a pretty sight. I ghost of a smile played on my face. my eyes starting to feel so heavy I should rest, yeah rest is what I need.

drip drip drip

my vision turned black I can't feel anything anymore the numbness took over my whole body I feel at peace no one can hurt me again I don't have to feel what is like to love someone and for them to not love me back and lie about and love someone else. I don't have to be used again by anyone.

I'm so tired

drip drip drip

the darkness has taken over i feel nothing anymore I let out one last small shallow sign and drifted off into the darkness.

I didn't hear the banging on the bathroom door and the screams of my name when that door broken down and people came running in, someone lifting out of the tub, I can't hear the cries and the people that surround my body.

"Please don't leave me." a sob came from above me the heat of someone shoving their face in my neck sobbing "please baby, please stay."

#acotar #azriel x you #azriel x y/n #azriel angst #azriel x reader #acotar fanfic #azriel shadowsinger #azriel acotar x reader #azriel x reader angst #azriel acotar #azriel spymaster

[xreaderbooks]

All I breathe (6)

Pair: Azriel x Vanserra! Reader

Warnings: language and allusions to sexual content

Summary: Confessions of a fire-wielder and a Shadowsinger

Word Count: 1k

Also available on Wattpad and AO3

playlist

a/n: ngl I lost where I was going with this story but I didn't want to leave you all hanging so I give you this...

Previous Chapter - Series Masterlist - Navigation

Eris found you walking back to your room, determination written on your features, he attempted to stop you to ask what had happened that you left the party but something must have told him not to because the moment you brushed past him he curled his back into himself and didn't say a word.

In your chambers, you ignored the Shadowy figure of a man and began to pick out the gear you were going to wear for your mission.

"Where were you?"

You opened the wardrobe's doors and ransacked the bag Azriel had said you were welcome to take from and opened your own bag, stuffing the clothes you chose and the knives you took.

"Y/n," He expected you to answer him but you weren't going to. It was what you always did with him and you were not up to arguing, even if you were he didn't deserve the words you had for him. "Talk to me, curse my name, shout at me if you want but please-"

"Why?" You dropped the bag you had in your lap as you crouched down and stood to face him. "Why do you beg for me now, Azriel? We were at each other's throats not two days ago."

He was silent, as he always was and it frustrated you.

"Since when do you care if I talk to you when all you have ever done is belittle me, berate me, tower over me to make me feel inferior to you from the moment you showed up on the ice in the Winter Court." You remind him of the day he saved you, Lucien, and Feyre, with Cassian. "You didn't care then as you do not care now, do not start now because you pity me, it is more of an insult than the words you've said to me in all our time together."

You gathered the bag from the floor and stomped your way to the washroom, swiftly getting dressed into the leathers gifted to you by Feyre when you started training. You strapped the dagger you stole into the hidden compartments of your suit.

When you walked out, Azriel had an incredulous look on his face. He wasn't expecting this clearly.

"Where are you going?"

"Beron wants a prisoner, I'm going to give him one," You secured the strings on your boots.

"I have told you that I will find the prisoner and hand him over to you for Beron," His jaw ticked. You were testing his patience now, this was the longest time he had lasted not saying something distasteful to you during a 'discussion' and you could tell staying quiet while you said all that you did was getting to him.

"Plans change," You crossed your arms. "As you've told me before, this is my Court, I shall do what I want in it."

"That is childish, you are going to get yourself killed."

"You are not my keeper, Shadowsinger."

"You are my mate-"

"Your mate," You laugh almost hysterically. "Tell me, mate, why is it that you didn't tell me that we share the bond?"

He had no response, you weren't going to deal with his arguments any longer. You started for the door about to turn the knob when he shout.

"Y/n, do not walk out that door!"

You whirled around to face him, fury in full display, marching up to him face-to-face not caring about the short distance between you, "You have no right to shout at me like that, I do not belong to you!"

"Please, don't leave," His voice softer now almost vulnerable. The proximity in which you were with him was compromising, his eyes flickered from your lips to your eyes and back again.

You turn away from him and step away, the heat between you becoming too much.

"You think I take pleasure arguing with you?" You felt him come up behind you, so close your back to his chest, "I wanted you to love me."

Your heart stopped, you were sure it did.

"But I hate you. I hate the way my name falls off your lips," His left-hand tickles yours, slowly whispering up your arm. "I hate that the same fire you wield so perfectly burns within me whenever you are near. I hate that the color of your hair and eyes are all I see, your voice is all I hear when the sun rises in the morning and the birds sing."

" My shadows crave your light," His lips brush against your ear as he speaks. Your heart flutters but you hold still, your back was leaning into his chest at this point. "Most of all I hate the way you consume my very being."

He smoothly twists your body so that your chest to chest now, his forehead meets yours, sharing the same air, "You are all I can ever think about, you are all that I breathe."

Your breath hitches as his palms caress your cheeks, pulling you in for a kiss. Your lips meet his and you felt your anger rushing away, you could feel the cold wind of his shadows swirling around you, willing you both closer as if it was even possible. Your hands travel from his waist, up his arms and shoulders to tangle your fingers in his hair.

He lifts you and your legs instinctively wrap around his hips, you felt the marble of the wall on your back.

You broke the kiss, "I love- I love you."

You kiss his lips once more before continuing, "Love might not even be a strong enough word for what I feel for you. No words can express enough what I feel for you and it's not the bond, despite everything, it's you. It's you. The passion I feel for you, good, and bad, none of it made sense; bond or not. All I know, all I will ever know is you."

His mouth is on yours before you know it, kissing you deeper than before, pouring every ounce of emotion into you. He detaches from your lips to your cheek, leaving a trail of kisses down to your neck. His body rolls into yours, you felt him against you and you gasped, he teased you through your clothes. Your arm that dangled over his shoulder, clawed at his shirt to remove it. With his wings, it made your job impossible so you settled for ripping it off of him.

He chuckled against your neck, halting his kisses. "Desperate, are we?"

"Shut up," You kissed him to stop his laughter.

~~~

Taglist:

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#azriel x reader #azriel x you #azriel shadowsinger #azriel x vanserra! reader #azriel acotar x reader #azriel acotar #azriel spymaster #azriel fic #acotar imagines #acotar fanfiction #acotar x reader #cassian acotar #rhysand x feyre #eris vanserra x sister reader #lucien vanserra x sister reader #all i breathe xreaderbooks #azriel/reader #azriel/you

[shadowdaddies]

Distraction

Azriel x Reader

A/N: I keep thinking about how this scene from Captain America: the Winter Soldier would fit so well for Azriel x reader on a spy mission

warnings: none

A knock on your door shook you from your daze, wide eyes alert in a prepared defense until you heard the familiar voice rumble lowly through the wooden doorway.

“Are you ready?” Azriel questioned, rough voice sending an unrecognizable thrill through you as you strode towards the door. Turning the handle, you looked up to see hazel eyes darkening as the striking Illyrian swallowed, gaze raking over your form in the fitted dress you’d donned for the evening.

“Ready, Az,” you nodded, allowing yourself the guilty pleasure of admiring your friend’s appearance. He was dressed in a fitted all-black ensemble, tailored to show his impressive physique and highlight his features. He looked like a Prince of Darkness as he stepped to the side, holding out an arm for you to take.

“You look very nice, Azriel,” you smiled, playfully nudging him with your shoulder as he led you down the hall to the grand ballroom. 

He stiffened slightly at your words, as though shocked by the compliment, before he turned to face you. “You look...” he paused, taking a deep breath when he stepped back to look at you. Something sparked in your chest when he spoke again. “You look beautiful.”

Nodding, you looked away in an attempt to hide your blush as well as Azriel had hidden his shadows for the evening. You were both undercover from the Night Court, attending this ball in Hybern to find information on potential traitors. 

Since the war was won, Prythian had absorbed the kingdom of Hybern, but many were still resistant to the ideals of the Continent. You were sent with Azriel to the new ruler of Hybern’s birthday celebration to gather intel, searching for those who might pose a threat to the High Lord and Lady’s restructured kingdom. 

With Azriel’s shadows, he would be quickly identified as the infamous shadowsinger of the Night Court, but with his shadows hidden and you by his side, you could blend in with the other fae relatively easily. 

Which is why you now carried your shimmering skirts, shoes clicking down the marble floored halls with Azriel on your arm. You had expected to be more nervous going into the event, but something about Azriel’s touch kept you grounded, feeling calmer than ever. 

Approaching the double doors that led to the grand ballroom, you nodded your appreciation to the guards who opened the doors for you both. Words escaped you at the beauty of the room before you, murals of fairies from old lining the walls along with gilded chandeliers and twinkling faelight. It was beautiful and romantic, a far cry from what you had imagined Hybern to be.

Feeling a tug on your arm, you looked up to see Azriel flashing you a knowing grin as he guided you towards a servant. Picking up two drinks from their tray, he murmured appreciation to them before handing you a glass. You half-expected him to say something about the beauty of the evening, but surprise didn’t find you with his words.

“Remember our story. Keep it vague and learn what you can tonight,” Azriel murmured, his warm hand rubbing affectionately on your waist at odds with his words. You nodded, remembering your role new mates as your role for the night, and that his touch meant nothing more.

Twining your fingers with his, you led Azriel to a couple who stood by the hearth, smiling as they both listened to the band play its lively tune. You chatted with them, learning the gossip about several royal families who did not approve of the new structure in Hybern. 

“Well done,” Azriel murmured, his lips warm against your knuckles as he pulled them, twirling you in a playful move across the dance floor closer to the next target for intel. 

You wished the giggle that escaped you was more effort than it was, but something about you was truly drawn to Azriel. He was gentle with you, but fiercely defensive of those he cared for. A skilled warrior and good friend. 

Swallowing, you willed your emotions beneath the surface to plaster on your face of grace. Swiping another glass of faerie wine, you focused on the faux feelings you’d manufactured for the evening, ignoring those you really felt towards Azriel as best you could.

You were deep in conversation, laughing and joking with the female visiting from Vallahan when Azriel’s fingers tensed around your waist. Feigning ignorance, you smiled lazily at your “mate.” 

“Is everything alright, my love?” You asked - the question you’d planned beforehand if anything unplanned were to arise. 

Azriel’s gaze flicked to you, more wild than you had ever seen his bright hazel eyes. “I am just aching for a dance with my mate, is all,” he purred, teasing voice betraying the shaking fingertips that hovered your hips.

With audible “awws” and cooing at two new mates who couldn’t resist to be apart, the other fae ushered you towards the busy dance floor, where Azriel took your hand and waist, back held in surprisingly impressive form.

“I know the male in the opposite corner from where I face,” Azriel whispered in your ear, soft as if he were telling you sweet nothings. You ignored the hitch in your breath, gaze flicking briefly to a tall, burly male in the corner whose own eyes flicked to Azriel with curiosity.

“Come with me,” you whispered back, not missing how Azriel shivered at your lips on his ear. He followed you, hands loosely intertwined while you wove through the crowd towards the dark corner of the room opposite from the suspecting male.

Your heart hammered in your chest as the male moved through the ballroom, gaze scanning the crowd including yourselves as though he were looking for someone. 

“Kiss me,” you whispered, pulling Azriel’s body tight against your own, which was pressed to the cold wall. 

“W-what?” he choked out, and you had to bite back your grin at the uncharacteristically flustered spymaster. 

“Public displays of affection make people uncomfortable. Kiss me,” you demanded, willing yourself not to look to the presence you could sense nearing you.

Azriel’s eyes practically glowed as he searched your face, searching for affirmation before one hand found your waist, the other wrapping around the back of your neck as he pulled you in for a deep kiss.

An electric energy shot through you, the spark hitting your chest hard enough to steal your breath at the feeling of his soft lips on your own. You melted into the kiss with ease, both of your bodies interlacing like two halves of a whole. 

You were dizzy for air, completely forgetting everyone else around you when Azriel pulled away, his eyes wide with something that looked like shock. 

Pushing back, you scanned the area for potential threats before deciding you couldn’t find anything. “Azriel, what happened? Are you okay?” You whispered, thumb stroking his cheek to keep up the charade of new mates.

“I- you’re my...” Azriel stuttered, just as you caught sight of the suspicious male slipping out onto the balcony. 

“Come on, Az. Let’s see what they’re up to,” you whispered, keeping a note in your mind to ask him what he was distracted by at a later time.

Part 2

#acotar #acotar x reader #acotar imagine #acotar fanfiction #acotar azriel #azriel x reader #azriel acotar #acotar fanfic #acotar reader fic #acotar reader imagine #azriel shadowsinger #azriel x you #azriel fanfic #azriel spymaster #a court of thorns and roses #acotar fic #azriel x reader fluff #azriel acotar x reader #acotar azriel x reader #azriel fluff #azriel fic #acotar x y/n #acotar x you

[ladylokilaufeyson5]

Always Yours

ALWAYS YOURS | Azriel x Female!Illyrian!Reader (Part 3 of NEVER YOURS)

SUMMARY: The night of Starfall has arrived, and Azriel has finally come to his senses. But you’re gone, prepping with Mor for the Starfall celebration, so Azriel has no choice but to fix things in the middle of the celebration.

WARNINGS: reader wears a dress, swear words, self doubt, Lucien is a god and i’m drooling over him, brief mentions of a one-night-stand, azriel doesn’t know how to deal with his emotions and briefly turns to alcohol but he’s okay, and nyx is the cutest little guy my heart is gonna explode<3

WORDS: 5.7K

AZRIEL

Azriel had never been in more of a challenging predicament in his entire life. And Azriel had been in quite a few of those.

But this… this was where feelings were involved. This was difficult. Everything concerning you was difficult, but not in a way that he couldn’t deal with. No, the difficulties tended to be the rising pace of his pulse wherever you entered a room, and the tightening in his chest whenever you so much as looked at another male. The difficulty of not surging forward and kissing you when the moonlight shone on your hair and in your eyes, making them glow like diamonds.

As anyone could see, you made things difficult with your mere presence.

Azriel had known that he loved you for a very long time. He’d stopped counting the years that passed quite a while ago, but he felt like his heart had yearned for you for all eternity. And he had always convinced himself that those lingering touches and longing gazes were just his imagination. Because there was no way in Hel that you could love the shadowsinger back.

Maybe the bond tricked you. Maybe that was why you were convinced you loved him, why it killed you to see him with other people. He was sure that if the roles were reversed, and he found out about the bond first, he’d try to fall in love with that person. 

But you were different. There was no need for a mating bond when it came to you. Even if Azriel had been tied to a different person, he would never want them, would never be able to feel about them the way he felt about you.

Elain was a mistake. They both knew it, of course, Azriel and Elain. They’d just wanted to see if it could work, if they could help each other ease the aching of their hearts. And after that kiss, they both knew they were better off as friends, because that was all they needed from each other.

But you had seen it. You’d seen him and Elain in that embrace and Azriel knew that it would hurt if he had seen you in the same position with someone else. Fuck, Azriel knew it hurt, because he’d felt it before. You had both been alive for centuries – of course you’d seen each other kiss other people. But to see Azriel kiss Elain while knowing the two of you were mates…

Well, he’d just fucked that right up, hadn’t he?

But it wasn’t his fault, not really. You hadn't told him about the bond – how was he supposed to know? How was he supposed to know that the tie to you, the need to be with you was the mating bond, and not just the yearning love he felt? How was he supposed to know that it had snapped into place for you months ago, while he just sat around, unaware of it all?

Why hadn’t you told him? It was the question that chased him throughout the days and nights, the dreams that prevented him from sleeping and peace. Why hadn’t you told him? Was it because you wanted better? Because you knew he would never be enough for you? 

He should have known. He should have known that you were his mate, with or without you to tell him. It had been centuries since you two had met – how had he not known? How had he not realised that his ability to find you in a crowded room wasn’t just due to his shadows, but to the string that tied your souls together? That the need to make sure you were always safe, always protected, wasn’t just because you were his family, but because you were promised to him by the Mother?

That was how Azriel had found you when Rhys had refused to tell him where you were. With Rhys not telling him, he knew that you didn’t want to be found, probably by him. Which had hurt, excruciatingly so. His shadows were never able to find you if you didn’t want them to – it was as if they respected you more than him. He’d gotten Rhys to confess that you were in the Illyrian camps and then he was off in an instant, shadow-winnowing to the nearest one. He only had to be there for a few seconds to realise you weren’t there, so he drained his power reserves trying to find you. And when he saw you in that ring…

When that male had kicked you in the ribs, he felt something. An overwhelming urge to jump into that ring in front of you, and tear that male to shreds. To feel that male’s blood running down his arms as he ripped his throat out for even thinking of touching you. The rage had blinded him, and it was only due to centuries worth of training that he was able to stand his ground, and watch.

He felt bad for yelling at you in the house, but at the same time, he felt like it was justified. Emotions clashed inside of him, and he tried to keep them all at bay. Everyone assumed he felt nothing – he was the stoic shadowsinger and spymaster who killed and tortured people for a living. But just because he never showed things on the outside, it didn’t mean he didn’t feel things on the inside.

You knew that. More than anyone, even Rhys and Cas, you knew that. You could see through his blank eyes and into his soul when you tried hard enough. You could always sense when something was off, even though Azriel had trained for years to make sure no one ever could. You were the other half of him, the only one who could understand him fully.

But when he saw you in that hallway, looking so crestfallen and broken... he couldn’t stand to look at you. To see the damage he caused to his other half. Shame was all he could feel, so overwhelming and persistent that he’d had to drown it out with alcohol.

A loud pounding at Azriel’s bedroom door jolted him from his thoughts. A shadow whispered in his ear and Azriel rolled his eyes at the door, and did not answer. Which, in hindsight, was a bad idea, because the door burst open, and Cassian stood in the entryway with his hands on his hips.

“Come on, stop moping,” Cassian demanded, walking over and grabbing Azriel by his arm, effectively hauling him off of his bed.

“It is very rude to barge into someone’s room without permission, you know,” Azriel scolded, shaking out of his brother’s grip.

Cassian scoffed. “Come on, stop moping around, Az.”

“I’m not moping,” Azriel protested, to which Cassian rolled his eyes.

“You’re definitely moping.”

Azriel turned his attention to where Rhys and Nesta leant against his doorframe, the latter examining her nails in boredom for a moment before entering Azriel’s room and plopping herself down on one of the cobalt chairs beside the fireplace. Rhys followed her and sat across from the female, prompting Cassian to incline his head in an invitation to follow them.

Azriel’s first instinct was to say no, and to tell them to get the fuck out of his room. He didn’t need this – this therapy. He was completely fine stewing over his problems by himself, analysing every possibility and outcome. If he was going to talk to anyone about his problems, it would be you – which would be insane for starters, as you were essentially the problem.

So Azriel groaned in defeat and sat next to his High Lord, while Cassian made himself comfortable beside Nesta.

“So, what happened between you and Y/n?” Nesta asked.

Azriel shrugged. “How do you know that’s the problem?”

“Well, the only person mopier than you is Y/n,” Cassian claimed, which sent a stab of guilt through him.

“Y/n is my mate,” Azriel confessed.

The three others watched Azriel as he waged an internal battle. Half of him was screaming at him to back away, to keep this issue to himself. Telling people things always resulted in pain and heartbreak, except when he was with you. But the other half of him was gentle, fighting the shrieking and yelling with kindness. They won’t hurt you, it assured him, they are your family. They just want to help.

Azriel tried to ignore the fact that the gentle part of him sounded like you.

The three looked to him, fake shock plastered on their features, to which Azriel scowled. “You already know, then. Fine, get out.”

“No, no,” Cassian said quickly, “we didn’t know, per say. We just… guessed.”

“I knew,” Rhys shrugged, to which Azriel turned to glare at him. But the High Lord simply shrugged again, and added, “Y/n told me.”

All the fight left Azriel’s body, causing him to groan and throw his head back and rub his face. So Azriel told them how it had happened, expecting them to understand his side of the story, and help him figure out a way to fix it. Because Azriel had no idea what to do. He wanted to go to you, so desperately, and beg on his knees for you to take him. But the other part of himself, the darker part, whispered to him that if you had kept this from him, what other secrets were you keeping? Had you kept it from him because you didn’t want him?

“Oh, Mother above,” Nesta breathed once Azriel had finished his explanation. “I hate the miscommunication trope.”

Azriel’s head snapped towards the female, icy rage glinting in his eyes as he snarled, “This isn’t miscommunication. She didn’t tell me, on purpose.”

“Still miscommunication,” Nesta shrugged. 

Azriel stood up angrily, and before he knew what he was doing, he was hissing in the female’s face, “This isn’t a book, Nesta. This is my life.”

Rhys’s hand grabbed his elbow and tugged him back and away from Nesta, while Cassian stepped in front of her. Nesta rolled her eyes at her mate, but it was a smart choice for Cassian to do so. Nesta may have been training for years now, but that didn’t mean she was better than Azriel. 

“Nesta, stop stirring him up,” Cassian warned, his eyes still on Azriel.

“Don’t tell me what to do,” she growled, but her eyes slid to Azriel’s, and after a moment, she added, “Sorry. That was insensitive.”

The fury running through Azriel’s veins dimmed and he sighed, slumping back onto the couch. Everyone was silent as thoughts poured into the shadowsinger’s head, as he tried to figure out what he was going to do with you.

“She does love you, you know,” Rhys murmured. “We can all see it, so clearly. Why do you think she defends you so much?”

“She defends you too,” Azriel reminded, to which Cassian shook his head.

“Not like she does you,” he argued. “Haven’t you noticed that every time someone says something against you, she’s ready to pounce and rip their head off? She’ll let us deal with our enemies, just waiting at the sidelines if the need for help arises, but she’s always prepared to fight to the death and beyond when it comes with you.”

I do the same, was the first argument that came to Azriel’s mind, but… he didn’t do that with his brothers. He let them navigate the situation themselves, let them want aid before he answered the call. With you, he was ready to draw blood at the slight shift of someone’s tone while they spoke to or about you.

“The mating bond isn’t the reason why she loves you,” Rhys added.

Azriel closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He was being stupid. Idiotic and absolutely ridiculous. You were his mate, for crying out loud. You had admitted your love for him days ago, and all he’d done was avoid you. Why?

“I’ve loved her for so long,” Azriel admitted in a whisper, “that I’m afraid if I tell her, I’ll wake up.”

There was a pause, before, “Wake up?” Nesta questioned.

“From this dream,” Azriel asserted. “Because this… this can’t be real.”

A hand landed on his shoulder, squeezing tightly. Azriel turned to face Rhysand, whose eyes shone brightly with unshed tears. “It is real, Az. You deserve to be happy.”

You deserve to be happy. How many times had you said that to him? How many times had you assured that he didn’t deserve to be mournful forever, that he deserved something or someone who brought him joy? You’d never suggested yourself for the part. Maybe you believed that he deserved someone else, which was impossible. Azriel would never be able to deserve you, never be able to understand why the Mother or the Cauldron or Fate had blessed him by making him your mate.

"I hurt her," Azriel confessed.

The was a moment of silence, before Cassian inquired,  “So… what are you going to do?”

“Fix things,” Azriel decided.

Y/N

You stood in Mor’s room, admiring the silver gown she had dressed you in. It sparkled as you walked, mirroring the stars in the sky, and pooled at your feet, like a lake full of starlight. See-through fabric stretched over your collarbones and shoulders, stars interrupting the expanse of skin. Silverly, near-transparent sleeves clung to your arms, and it hugged your body close, showing off your beautiful curves.

“This is gorgeous,” you breathed, your eyes wandering over yourself in the mirror.

Mor hummed in response, her gorgeous cream-coloured dress swishing as she walked across the room. It was cut low at the front and the back, showing off her stunning body, and she wore it with pride. Her hair was pinned half up, with half of her golden curls tumbling down her back.

“You are going to be turning a lot of heads tonight,” Mor grinned with a wink.

You tried to smile back, feeling her words tug at your heart. You only wanted to turn one head tonight, but that head was intent to face the other way. So you looked back at your dress, trying not to imagine what would happen if Azriel were to look at you. Trying not to imagine the way his eyes would light up, the way his shadows would disappear just at the sight of you, like the way they did for Elain. How his eyes would look you up and down hungrily, and how he would walk over to you with purpose and ask you to dance.

You really did try not to imagine it.

You looked out of the window, all of the lights in Velaris either dimmed or out completely. Tonight was a night to celebrate another kind of light, a light that brought all of the Night Court together, whether they liked it or not. It was an event that was celebrated all across the court, because the stars were admired by everyone.

When the time came, Mor led you from her room in the House of Wind and to the balconies, where the celebration was being held. Citizens wined and dined out in the night air, small strings of fae lights emanating a soft glow, allowing people to see by. There were people you knew the names of, and people you’d only seen in passing up here, celebrating the biggest event of the year.

You walked over closer to the balconies, looking over the land and all the way to the ocean. The ships were docked, all of the sailors no doubt revelling the best night of the year.

“Holy shit, Y/n.”

You turned your head to see Cassian walking over to you, eyes wide and face beaming. Without warning, he picked you up and hugged you tight, to which you laughed and playfully smacked at his shoulder.

“I haven’t seen you in days, and you show up looking like this?” he expressed, putting you down. “Surely you didn’t need that much time to get ready?”

You laughed again and punched his arm. “You asshole.”

Cassian chuckled as well and nudged you back, letting out a breath and looking at the party. People were practically glowing under the fae lights, chattering excitedly as they waited for the Starfall to begin. Every year, everyone was excited about it, no matter how many times they had witnessed the shooting of starlight across the sky. There was some sort of childlike glee within every person, a light that was able to penetrate the darkest of pain.

Because, even though your mate didn’t love you, you were still happy for Starfall. You were elated to be here, overjoyed to watch the stars hurtle across the open night sky.

Youthful laughter grew closer to the two of you, and before you knew it, Nyx was at your feet, reaching up to you. You laughed and gave in to his wishes, picking him up and settling him against your hip. He hugged you close and then pulled away, his eyes wide and full of joy.

“Wow, isn’t it a bit past your bedtime?” you chuckled.

Nyx shook his head. “It’s Starfall! I can stay up as late as I want to!”

You laughed again and kissed the side of his head. But your eyes strayed behind the boy in your arms, all the way across the balcony. It was if your gaze was drawn to him by some magical force, but before you could stop it, Azriel filled your sights with his beauty. Even from a distance and with the people between you, you could tell he was already staring at you.

You turned your attention back to Cassian as you put Nyx down, the child already running off through the party, producing laughter from the guests as he rushed through them. Cassian watched you carefully, most likely already knowing who you saw and the emotions that it had provoked, and you narrowed your eyes at him. But he just shrugged, turning his gaze to the person you refused to look at. You refused to follow his line of sight, and instead turned the other way. This night was going to be a good one – you didn’t need unrequited love to ruin it.

Somebody cleared their throat behind you, and you turned to see Lucien in a gorgeous navy-blue tunic with silver thread, as well as white pants that hugged his muscled thighs. His fiery hair was braided back neatly, and his eyes watched you closely.

“Y/n,” he greeted, “you look beautiful.”

You smiled back at the male, and offered your own greeting, “Thank you, Lucien. You clean up well yourself.”

The male smiled easily at you, and offered his hand. “May I have this dance?” He looked over at Cassian, and added, “If I’m not interrupting, of course.”

Cassian opened his mouth, probably to deny Lucien’s request because he was always trying to meddle, but you got there first. “It’s fine,” you asserted, glancing at Cassian. He was watching Lucien closely, his eyes narrowed slightly. “I’d love to dance.”

You placed your hand in Lucien’s and he led you to the dance floor, where his free hand found its way to your waist, and yours his shoulder.

“It’s a beautiful party,” Lucien stated. “Every time, it’s beautiful. You’d think that it would get dull after all these years, but it’s still as beautiful as the first night I saw it.”

You hummed in understanding. “I’ve seen it hundreds of times – it will never get dull, trust me.”

Lucien laughed and twirled you, the skirts of your dress flowing through the air. Lucien had always been nice to you. He had some interesting stories to tell, and he was fun to talk to. You weren’t as close to him as you were to your inner court, but he was a friend.

Maybe he could be more than a friend, one day. Your heart screamed in defiance, only wanting one person, but… one day that would fade, wouldn’t it? And Azriel and Elain would be together, leaving you and Lucien mateless. Maybe you were supposed to be with him. But looking into Lucien’s eyes, and feeling his hands on your waist – you so tremendously wished that it was Azriel who stood in front of you. You wanted him so badly it physically hurt, so much that it overwhelmed you, tearing open the barrier that kept all of that pain at bay.

“I – I have to go,” you gasped. 

Lucien’s brows furrowed in concern. “Are you alright?”

“Yes, yes,” you replied, plastering a fake smile on your face. “I’m fine. I just… need some fresh air.”

Before he could respond you left the dance floor, walking all the way to the edge of the balcony and launching off of it, flying up and above the city. 

Flying always helped you calm down. Being so high up and away from everything, it was peaceful. There was nothing to bother you up here, so far away from the earth. The wind rustled your hair, and you felt the current pushing lightly against your wings.

Was it always going to feel like this? Whenever you considered moving on, would your heart continue to strain, always continue to shred itself apart? Would you always feel the excruciating ache whenever you thought about him? Would your stomach always churn whenever you thought about loving someone else?

You shouldn’t be up here for too long, you knew. You needed to get back to the celebration, and try to push Azriel from your mind. You could see the lights of the party twinkling, and you lowered yourself down and onto an empty balcony. You leaned against the railing, looking out to the dark city of Velaris, hearing the hum of the partygoers. It would be happening soon.

You knew the second he stepped out of the shadows. Maybe your souls would always be entwined, so you would always know when he was near, no matter if the bond was rejected. His footsteps were quiet as he walked across the marble floors, but not silent, perhaps in an effort to let you know that he was there. Every step closer had your muscles tensing, and before you knew it they stopped, and he rested on the railing beside you, mirroring your position and looking out at the city. There were barely two feet between you, but you refused to look at him.

“You look angelic,” Azriel murmured.

You turned your gaze to him, ever so slowly. He wore a dark button down shirt that showcased his muscled arms, paired with black pants that clung to his powerful thighs. His face was barely lit up, but you could still see those gorgeous hazel eyes as they watched you closely. If you were angelic, then Azriel was ethereal. His beauty was from another world, from another plane of existence. He was so handsome, devastatingly so, that it made your heart tighten.

But he was talking to you. Why?

“Thank you,” you answered slowly. “You look… nice.”

A whisper of a grin stretched across the shadowsinger’s face at your words and you looked away, not wanting to see what wasn’t yours. Was it childish? Your head said yes, but your heart said no. Azriel didn’t say anything else, and you sat in an uncomfortable silence with him, until you couldn’t take it any longer.

“Why are you here?” you demanded.

Azriel slid his hands in his pockets, and replied smoothly, “To watch Starfall.”

Your eyes narrowed. “That’s not what I meant, and you know it. Why are you here, with me, and not Elain?”

“Elain is not my mate,” Azriel responded.

Your heart began to beat harder and faster at his words, so loud you could hear it in your ears. But that did not excuse the days of suffering he had put you through.

“Yeah, well, I bet she’d love it if you were down there with her,” you snapped. “Y’know, you two could go off somewhere, maybe somewhere less public this time.”

Azriel flinched slightly, and your heart squeezed painfully at the sight, but you kept your expression neutral. Good. It was good that he was feeling maybe a fraction of the pain he had inflicted. And once he was done toying with you, he could go back to Elain and leave you alone. Maybe you’d find a way into a stranger’s bed later tonight – or maybe even Lucien’s, just to get back at Azriel.

“You weren’t meant to see that,” he expressed, causing you to scoff.

“I don’t think anyone was supposed to see that, Azriel.”

The male in question rubbed a hand down his face, as if you were being difficult. Which, you sort of were, but it was justified. Why was he playing with you like this? He clearly wanted Elain, the woman who was so pure that his shadows disappeared at the sight of her, so why was he fucking around with you? It wasn’t like Azriel to harm people he loved… but that was just it, wasn’t it? He didn’t love you, not like he loved Elain.

“Well, I’m going to go,” you announced, stepping back from the balcony. “Enjoy Starfall.”

“Y/n, please, wait –”

“No,” you hissed, whirling around to face him. “I don’t want you to hurt me more than you already have. You rejected the bond, and that is that. You can’t have both of us.”

“I don’t want Elain,” he pleaded, his eyes wide as he stepped towards you. “I only want you.”

You lip trembled as you stared at him, trembling just like your resolve was. Oh, how you wanted to smooth away the frown on his face, to kiss away the pain in his eyes… But you couldn’t – he wanted Elain, he wanted Elain…

“I only want you,” he repeated, his voice breaking.

I only want you. The words swirled around in your head, so much so you almost began to feel dizzy. I only want you.

Slowly, Azriel reached out for you. When you didn't flinch away, he gently grabbed your hand and took a step closer to you, and then another, until he was only inches away from you, and his night-chilled mist and cedar scent filled your nose. It made you light-headed, and all you wanted to do was breathe it in and in and in.

“If you only want me,” you whispered, your voice quivering, “then why do your shadows only disappear when she’s around?”

Azriel’s eyes watched you closely, and his hand moved up to brush a stray lock of hair from your face, before resting it on the point where your neck met your shoulder. “Because she is pure, and innocent.”

“And I’m not?” you frowned, and he nodded.

“No, you aren’t,” he confirmed. “You’re like me. You have your own darkness inside of you, and my shadows know that. They see you; they know you. They have seen that darkness inside of you, and they still love you, almost as much as I do.”

“You talk of my ‘darkness’ easily,” you noted, trying not to let your thoughts linger too long on his words. Almost as much as I do.

Azriel simply shrugged in response. “You have been through a lot. There is darkness in you – but there’s also light. And I love and want both, because I understand that they are one.”

You looked up at the shadowsinger, feeling your heart swell with so much emotion that it threatened to overwhelm you. But… you still had so many questions.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” you whispered. “I – I’ve been back from the camps for days, and you just left me.”

Azriel closed his eyes and hung his head, letting out a low breath. One hand still held your own, while the other gently rubbed the side of your neck.

“I was… scared,” he admitted. “I was so horrible to you, and said so many harsh things… At first, I thought you wouldn’t want to see me, at all. And then when you came back… you looked so… broken, and it was my fault. I was…” 

He gulped and looked away, tears sliding down his cheeks. He looked up at the sky, as if he hoped it would give him enough strength to continue. You gently lifted your hand and brushed them away, and Azriel turned his gaze back to you.

“I was ashamed,” he whispered. “I hated that I was the reason you were hurt. I just – Mother above, I’ve never been more disappointed in myself than I have in the past few days. I didn’t know how to approach you, how to… how to fix things.”

“I kissed Elain,” he continued, “because I was trying to move on from you. I have loved you since we were eleven; since the moment you kicked that male in the balls because he was taunting me. You didn’t know me back then, and I didn’t know you. But you protected me, and I – I’d never felt anything like that before. And then I got to know you, and I fell for you all over again.”

Azriel finished speaking, and you stayed silent as you took it all in. Azriel had loved you in the shadows for all his life, just as you had. He wanted you, he had always wanted you… oh, how stupid had the two of you been? A disbelieving laugh pushed its way out of you, and Azriel furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

“I’m sorry,” you apologised, trying to keep the rest of the laughter in. “It’s just – how did you not know that I had always reciprocated your feelings? You’re supposed to be the spymaster of the Night Court.”

“My shadows,” Azriel began, light already beginning to fill his eyes at the sound of your laughter, “seem to respect you more than me. They knew it was a secret you wanted to keep, so they never deigned to tell me.”

You looked at the shadowsinger, really looked at him. You could see the love in his eyes. It wasn’t fabricated – it was real, and it was all for you. He did not hold any of it back, let you see how much he loved and adored you.

Azriel stepped back, much to your dismay, but he reached behind his back and pulled something out of his shadows. After a moment, you recognised a small plate in his hand, holding your favourite dessert on its porcelain surface.

“Y/n L/n,” Azriel proposed, “will you make me that happiest male alive and accept the mating bond?”

Your hand went straight to your throat in shock as your eyes widened. “I thought – I thought the female was supposed to offer the food,” you choked out.

Azriel shrugged, the plate still outstretched. “It seems a tad misogynistic, doesn’t it? I mean, you can offer me food if you’d like, but… I thought you’d appreciate this more.”

Of course Azriel would think that, would know how much effort it would take to offer any male food. Because, as a female Illyrian, that was all you were supposed to do. Make food for your husband and rear children, over and over. The fact that he’d even considered what that tiny action might do to you, how reversing the roles could make it more agreeable for you…

“I do,” you answered, stepping closer and taking the plate from his hands.

You picked up the treat and slowly took a bite. Azriel’s eyes never left your face as you ate the dessert, his eyes flicking from your own to your mouth. He watched until there was only one bite left, and you offered it to him. He raised an eyebrow in question at you.

“I think we can both give and receive,” you answered. “Our relationship should always be equal. Neither of us will constantly give while the other constantly takes.”

“And I only get one bite?” Azriel chuckled, to which you rolled your eyes.

But he didn’t disagree, and he took the dessert from you, putting it in his mouth and finishing it. His eyes never left your face and yours trailed down to his throat which bobbed as he swallowed. Your eyes moved back to his, and you could see such undying love in them that it nearly made your knees buckle.

“I love you, Y/n,” Azriel murmured. “I will always love you, and I will cherish you forever.”

“I love you, Azriel,” you whispered. “I will always love you, in this life and all those after.”

Azriel’s hand cupped your face, his other resting against your waist. Your hands pressed against his chest, the fabric of his shirt smoothing underneath them. Azriel leaned in closer, and you moved to meet him, your lips meeting in a gentle and loving kiss. His lips moved slowly, carefully over your own, and you felt the bond flare between the two of you, whole once again. Your hands slid up his chest and over his shoulders, his other hand moving to your waist and pulling you impossibly closer.

“I love you,” he whispered against your mouth.

Cheers arose from below you, and you broke apart at the sound, looking to the sky as a shining star hurtled across it. A breathless laugh left you as you watched Starfall begin. Another star glided across the sky, swirling and turning over itself as if delighting in the splendour of its own radiance. Another followed after it, and another, until a brigade of them burst forth from the horizon's edge like a wave of brilliant starlight.

Azriel kissed the side of your head as the light washed over the two of you, and here, in this moment, with your mate by your side and the starlight above you, you felt complete. Because Azriel had always been, and would always be, yours.

thank you all so much for reading! there are no words to describe how much i appreciate all of the feedback and support from you all. i hope you enjoyed this series <3

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#azriel #azriel x reader #azriel x you #azriel x y/n #azriel shadowsinger #acotar azriel #azriel acotar #azriel acotar x reader #azriel shadowsinger x reader #shadowsinger x reader #shadowsinger #a court of thorns and roses #a court of thorns and roses fanfiction #x reader #a court of thorns and roses x reader #morrigan #the morrigan #nyx #nesta archeron #cassian #rhysand #night court #the night court #inner circle x reader #court of dreams x reader #court of dreams #lucien #lucien acotar #fanfiction #writer

[vanserrasswife]

ACOTAR men x reader with glasses

A/n: I’m getting new glasses tomorrow and I got and idea for what each of the Acotar men would be like with a partner who wears glasses so enjoy

Rhysand who leans in whispering “hello darling” as he gently pushes your glasses back up, caressing your cheek as he does

Cassian who pulls away from a heated kiss muttering about them getting in his way and quickly pulling off your glasses, folding them and placing them on the nearest surface before pulling you back into another kiss

Azriel who comes back late from a mission and finds you asleep on the couch and takes off your glasses and kisses your forehead before laying down next to you and pulling you on top of him

Lucien who wakes you up with soft kisses and caresses, whispering sweet nothings to you as he grabs your glasses and puts them on you pressing kisses to each cheek as he lays himself down on top of you

Eris who watches you rub your forehead and mutter about having lost your glasses again as he crosses the room towards you, extending a hand with your glasses in towards you as he chuckles, making jokes about how often you lose them

Helion who rests his hand on your thigh, thumb rubbing the soft skin as he presses kisses to your neck mumbling into the crook of your neck about how sexy these glasses look on you and how beautiful you are

#acotar #acotar x reader #azriel x reader #cassian x reader #azriel acotar #cassian acotar #azriel acotar x reader #azriel shadowsinger #eris x reader #cassian acotar x reader #cassian #eris vanserra x reader #eris vanserra #lucien vanserra #lucien x reader #lucien acotar #rhysand x reader #rhysand acotar #rhys x reader #helion acotar #helion x reader