#gonna reblog this and then leave the country and begin a new life

[agirlwholovesrockstars]

𝖞𝖔𝖚 𝖒𝖆𝖐𝖊 𝖒𝖊 𝖋𝖊𝖊𝖑 𝖇𝖗𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝖓𝖊𝖜

𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓹𝓽𝓮𝓻 𝓣𝔀𝓸

"𝘉𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘤𝘬 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯"

彡 𝓼𝓮𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓼 𝓶𝓪𝓼𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓽 彡

✦ 𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚟𝚒𝚘𝚞𝚜 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 | 𝚗𝚎𝚡𝚝 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 ✦

𝕾𝖚𝖒𝖒𝖆𝖗𝖞 : you chose to be perilous at the person that you only just met.....or is it?

𝖂𝖔𝖗𝖉 𝕮𝖔𝖚𝖓𝖙 : keeping it very simple as I can

𝖂𝖆𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖘 : 18+ Knight!Eddie Munson x Princess!FEM x reader, language, use of Y/N, reader and Eddie are both (21), Henry is (30+), Jason (*gags* I know- sorry), age gap, reader will draw bl00d but not (g0re), Enzo! reoccurring :)), old family friends reunion, Jason calling reader a b*tch and slight physical abuse, vi0lence, manipulation, mentions of corpses, binding reader wrists with a rope

𝖂𝖍𝖆𝖙 𝖙𝖔 𝕰𝖝𝖕𝖊𝖈𝖙 : finally! some slight fluff, of course, the angst will never left lol, set in 17th century, dark fantasy, romance, action, upside down exists in this, almost revealing everything of the lost memory that Eddie had 👀

𝕹𝖔𝖙𝖊 𝕿𝖔 𝕽𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖊𝖗 : I'm so sorry for the long wait! I got sick and there's been so many life happenings but I'm back! I hope y'all staying hydrated 🥺🫶🏻

𝕬𝖚𝖙𝖍𝖔𝖗 𝕹𝖔𝖙𝖊 : wow, even just a little support on to this series, I tried to post a few parts to test it to see if the crowd will like it and honestly, omg, I'm a bit surprised and literally so grateful for the feedback that I'm receiving and YOU GUYS! the reblogs, the likes and the comments really helped a lot! 😭❣️

☆ EDDIE MUNSON'S MASTERLIST ☆

❣ AGATHA'S MAIN PAGE ❣

"Have you found her yet?"

"No, sign of her, your eminence"

"Then don't stop until you find her!" Henry points at the door, the light from the fireplace adds the flame that's going on behind his eyes

The knight bows and walks away, the receding footsteps echoes as Jason taunts him

"Jason, will you just leave me at peace"

"I think I saw a familiar face today" Jason places his foot onto the table as he leans down on his chair, your father's chair

Henry blinks as he thinks for a moment

"Who is it?"

"I didn't get the chance to ask for his name, but I think and I'm very certain that he is the boy that we took from-"

"Wayne"

"That's right, him"

"What about him?"

He shrugs as he says "Nothing is just I can feel that he will interfere with our plan soon"

Henry hums as he bites to the apple

"He probably doesn't remember anything since you erased his memories, right?"

He stopped chewing as he glares at Jason, "I'm not proud of it and you know it"

"Don't be such a wussy, Henry, we have to make hard sacrifices to fulfill our plan for this world"

He doesn't want to talk about this, he wants you on his side

"You know, you're not like this before when we entered this kingdom, ever since she swiftly walks into your sight- you're pretending to be like what?!?-" Jason makes a mockery of batting his eyelashes at him

"Like you didn't do shit?!? You're not a bad person?!? Don't fucking wash your hands on me and make yourself a change person, Henry, you're messed up since the beginning" Jason punctuates his every point with his finger

"I didn't asked for this, Jason!" Henry now ignores the apple that he's eating earlier, he lost his appetite

"I don't want this, I-I wanted to change!-" Henry can feel himself break for wanting to feel seen

"You can't change when it's already been done, don't you get it?!? You can't fucking have her just admit!" Jason shoots back as he sighs in exasperation

"Do you think she'll forgive you- if she finds out that you what?!? Killed half of the population of her damn country?!? Jason squints his eyes on him as Henry stood up and freezes on the spot

He starts walking as he halted for a second to look at Jason

"Say all you want but I'm not gonna stop until I find her"

Jason scoffs as he muttered words to himself

"I'm just protecting him and well- fuck it- he'll be sooooo devastated when finally got his heart broke" he says as he drank his last ounce of rum

You, Eddie, Jeff and Gareth have been bonded for over a month already and it's almost like you forgotten that you're hiding for a reason

Gareth grew on you, he's not mean to you anymore but still as a dear friend to Eddie- he'll destroy you if you do anything shitty to him

But Eddie is Eddie, he is so headstrong to his belief's and whatever Gareth tries to tell him not to give in to you easily, he always fails

There's nothing that he can do about that but to cave in as well

You will not betray them all, will you?

"Jeff! That's not funny!" You exclaimed as you try to chase him but he always moves away faster than you

He's teasing you about you became so enamored by Eddie at the first place

Of course, Jeff, always and he will never miss it

The way you looked at each other? He already knew

"It's the truth, right? Why would you be infuriated with me if it's the truth?"

"Because!"

"Because, what?"

You sighed as you lift your shoulders "It's ridiculous to even talk about this!"

He beat you again as he runs at the other corner "Why would it be ridiculous?"

You groaned "God- I'm tired, Jeff" you say it with a soft chuckle

He tug a small smile as he stands beside you

"Hey, uh- just to be clear, princess-"

"Please, stop with the formality"

He chuckles "Alright, Y/N"

"Much better"

"You're the light that he needs, you know? I mean- Eddie will never lose his faith on everything, I guarantee you that, is just that you added more to never make him give up" Jeff carefully speaks as he looked from his behind as he saw Eddie and Gareth are both walking together to catch up with you two

Your feelings are not important at the moment and now- Jeff saying this to you

Didn't helped

"Why are you saying this, Jeff?"

"You should look out for yourself too, you deserve to be happy"

It warms your heart to have a friend like him "That's nice of you to say, um- thank you" he saw the gleam in your eyes that falters slightly as he creased his brows for a bit as you spoke

"I know, but not right now since everything is heated up and I just don't want to use my feelings to stay away from the real problem"

He understands your decision and he's glad that you're aware of the obvious tension that you both Eddie had "Your father raised you, right, Y/N"

You giggled "Yeah, he did" you nod

"I picked some firewood!" Gareth speaks as he crossed your path from where you and Jeff been standing

"Yes! I'm so famished" you say as you held your stomach

"Y/N"

"Yes, Eddie?"

"Would you care to have a walk with me?"

"I will take that offer gladly"

You both start walking together as you glanced at Jeff who is already smiling as he looks away and starts helping Gareth

You're living with them for a month and you already knew some of their traits and you can point them out clearly

You can tell Eddie is nervous

You've seen him nervous but never like this

"What is it, Eddie?" You stopped him by holding both of his shoulders

The moment he looks straight on your eyes, he can't stand still

Your eyes, my god- it's like you're from a hazy memory that he really tries to remember but he couldn't

Your touches isn't foreign to him, he trusts you with all his heart and soul, he knows that you're aren't a stranger to him

The memory that he had before? He wants it so badly

The only chilly thing that sends to his spine, it's either he knew you as a friend or an enemy

But, he just doesn't feel anything, not a single thing that he can point out that is bad to you

That's why he is so sure that you are nothing but a straightforward and most trusting person ever

He took a sharp breath "It's been a month and I feel so guilty not telling you anything"

"About what?"

"About me"

"Oh"

You're both sitting together at the boulder and Eddie is now carving random woods

When he is carving random woods at the ground with that furrowed look on his face

There is something, something that he should talk about

You reach his hand and looked at you with those chocolate hues on his eyes

"Eddie, you don't have to tell me anything if you're not ready"

He doesn't replied to your remark, it looked like he wants to listen, so you keep going

"Just because I'm here with you for a while, it's not my place to like that you should tell me everything right away, you know?"

He nods as he ducks his head down

"Unless, you want to talk about it?"

He takes a deep breath as looked back at you "No" he says as he shook his head

"That's okay, you don't have to stress yourself-"

"I just want you to trust me"

The look you gave him it looked like you we're saying "Have you lost your mind?!"

"Eddie, you've earned it in the first place, the day you saved me and the way you genuinely let me stay at your place, that's enough" you say to him as you hold his hand tighter for reassurance

"You don't have to prove yourself to me" you added as you smile

"Why?"

"Because you already proven that you're kind enough to trust"

That comment alone, eases his mind, the thought that is ruining him right now finally flushes deep elsewhere

"You two, there you are! Dinner is ready, guys" Gareth voice snapped the both of you back into reality as you both walked back at the house

"This flavor is really excellent" you say as you munch down the chicken

"Give your compliments at the chef" Jeff nudges his chin towards, Gareth

Gareth dramatically bows at you as all of you laughed to his action

"The vegetables are nicely blanched" Eddie says as he chows down a piece of broccoli onto his mouth

You watch the three men do silly things with each other as the dinner goes filled with lots of bickering and laughing

"I want all of you back in my palace"

They've never swing their heads at you that fast

"Pardon?" Jeff leans forward closer to you as you chuckled

"I said, I want all of you to live in my palace!"

"You're fucking with us, right?" Gareth swallows his mashed potato as he looked over at Eddie who is well....

He looked like his soul left his body and wouldn't budge for a minute

They all cheered as Gareth says

"Wait- The fact that I am friend's with the royal!-"

"Hey, I could be mean if I wanted to" you say with a serious tone

"You don't want her to be like that, Gareth, I've been there and it's not a very good picture" Eddie took a sip from his rum as he glanced at Jeff

"Yeah, it's a terror situation!" Jeff nods along with Eddie

You crossed your arms in front of Gareth as he furrows his brows

"You didn't liked me at first, right?" You lean forward, an intimidated Gareth gulped

He quickly goes to explain himself as his two friends start sniggering at each other

"No! I liked you- now"

"Because you found out that I was a princess?"

"What? No!-"

"You're so awful to me, there's so many ways that I could punish you for being so disrespectful to me"

"Like.... What?"

"Execution"

Gareth exclaims so loudly that you can swear that the roof comes off and his voice wooshes it's way out of it

You, Eddie and Jeff start laughing hardly as Gareth now very looking grumpy

"You should stop taking things very seriously" Eddie points at him as he can't stop laughing

Jeff still wheezes as he looks back at Gareth with that look

Meanwhile, you, looked so smug

"For your information, you grew on me because you didn't do anything to piss me off"

"Like what, exactly?"

"For betraying us"

You nod with a fond smile on your face

"Maybe, it's because- it didn't happen yet or I'm just delusional" Gareth mumbled more words to himself as he collects the plates

Jeff throws a piece of bread at Gareth who smoothly dodges it "Do you think people will finally accept us?" he turns his head around at Eddie as he asks a question

You tilt your head at Jeff because what?!?

Is this what Eddie is trying to tell you?

This is what Eddie doesn't want sometimes, facing the facts but it will always haunts him

"I don't know, man, I wish they'll hear us or give us a chance to speak for ourselves, maybe that day or I hope it will come sooner or later" he gave him a small smile as he stands up and goes outside for a bit

"What is that all about?" you said as you tried to at Jeff who is avoiding your gaze

Jeff opens his mouth to say something but closes it, hesitating as he looks at Gareth who is already drying his hands with a towel, he nods at him

"Eddie, doesn't like to talk about it"

"About what?"

"How he got himself ended up here" Gareth sats down across the table

You blink at them, you think your words very carefully

"What happened?"

"We don't know" Gareth sighs as he wipes the table

"What do you mean?"

"Y/N- he doesn't remember anything what happened to him, the only thing that he can remembers is that he has someone like a family member but somehow he can't pick it up to who it is and I know there's more to the story but that's all he can say for now, so, you gotta have to forgive him, if he's so defensive when it comes to this and he has always been rejected by the public, I mean- your people" Jeff explains as you processing everything

Your eyes flashes with empathy as you finally understand Eddie's guilt

"Rejected?"

"He was false allegedly accused in black magic, Y/N" Gareth speaks as he rest his arm around the chair

Why is that sounds so familiar? your mind went blank as you try to catch the memory that is coming to you

"Including the both of us, Me and Jeff, we knew that he's loyal to what he fights for, so, we helped him and here we are"

"I swear- if I find out who done this to us, I'm gonna annihilate whoever it was"

"Let's not be too hasty, Gareth"

You feel like your heart might burst any second, when you finally remembered the last important information about your life

"I-I think I knew Eddie" your eyes became glossy as you smiled a little

Jeff and Gareth whip their heads at you, the surprised expressions from their face, you can't miss it

"Who are you?" A very deep hoarse voice that's going on outside

You, Jeff and Gareth got wicked at the voice of a stranger as all of you sprint outside

"Don't! I got this" Eddie has himself pinned against the wall, the older man threatens to attack him with a dagger

"Please- drop the dagger, we can talk about this" Jeff walks slowly, proceeding with caution

"Stop this!" Gareth yelled, upset when the estranged man didn't care to look at him for once

If you don't look hard enough, you won't recognize the person

You gasp to yourself as you cupped your mouth

"Enzo?"

He follows your voice, turns his head around and there you are

You could hear him breathing heavily almost like it's unbelievable that you're standing there

"Y/N? Are you real?" He knits his brows together, he is still wearing the same uniform that your father once wore

"Yes, I am- please drop the dagger, they're my friends" you reason with him with pleading eyes

He blinks through the rage from the state he was in before as he backs away from Eddie who is gasping for air as he sats down on the ground

You checked on him to make sure if he was okay, he nods weakly as he watches the person that you claimed, you knew

He's your family's most skilled general, your father, Jim- became one of the greatest duos in history because of how they manage to do anything against war and collision

They prioritize of what the people need, they focus on the weak low points of the kingdom before putting themselves first

You didn't know all of it but you're aware of many enemies that your father Jim had because of his selfless acts

Your eyes welled in happiness as you can't help but to embrace him

"I'm sorry, it's been a while since I saw a real living person"

"It's okay"

"Enzo, are you with my father? Where is he? What happened to him?"

Jeff gave him a glass of water and a plate of dinner, he mutters a small thank you

"To all of violence in my life, Y/N- this- has got to be inhumane of it all"

You brace yourself for his outlandish words

"We fought together, we tried to escape but whatever we do, we always failed- you know- I thought I could never make it out alive" he holds back the tears on his eyes as you rest your hand on his shoulder

"The last time that I ever laid eyes on your father, he was taken by the guards forcefully"

Your friends are watching you and Enzo from afar in the firepit, warming their hands as they observe your conversation

Suddenly, you felt like you slipped off the hope that you're holding onto if your father was still alive

"And then I never saw him again, I'm so sorry, Y/N"

You sniffle as you flash him a sad smile as you stood up and move away a little

Enzo sighs wishing he could do something more or even better than this

But, no, that's the truth- he tried everything to save his dear friend

Eddie saw you standing so still, alone

He wonders if you wanted to be alone but when you turn your head sideways slightly it's like an permission that you wanted a company

When he stands beside you, you shakily wipe your tears from your face, you don't want to him to see you like this

"I don't know where my father is, Eddie" you try to lighten up the mood as you chuckled dryly

"God, I'm so rude- I didn't properly introduce him to you, he's Enzo, my father's general and a close friend"

He nods as he places his palm on your shoulder "It's alright, Y/N"

Despite, having your thoughts fogging from the heartaches that you felt from the past couple of years

Eddie, has a right to know who he is

You clear your throat and look at him directly "Eddie, please listen to me carefully"

"What is it?"

"I think I know who you are"

He places his hand over his chest and swallowed "You knew me?"

You nod aggressively "Yes-" you got cut off

"There you are you little frigid bitch!" Jason's voice startles the rest of you

Eddie wraps his arms around you as you move closer to him

Jeff, Gareth, and Enzo got themselves ready to fight as they walk towards as the castle's guards surrounded you

"Oh- fuck me! Enzo!" Jason grins at the sight of the most respected general whose face scowled directly at him

"You exiled me!" Enzo walks closer to Jason with a look that could kill him instantly but the guards stopped him from holding him off

"What- You did what?!?" Your voice raises out of anger as you eye him with shooting daggers

"We didn't need him anyways" Jason trashes the place with throwing rocks at the house

Making Eddie, Jeff and Gareth furious

"You have no right to do that, Jason"

"I think I do, I think I do have the right to have you back in the palace, young lady!" Jason almost hit to hurt you but Eddie beats him to it covering you with his figure

"Henry needs you" Jason adds, you peek over at the side as you exclaimed

"Why does he need me?!?"

"You should ask him that"

"I don't want to go back in there, you wanted to kill me!"

Enzo looked at your way with your eyes mixing with fear and blazing eyes as he became enraged of what he just heard

"You're so way out of line, Jason" Enzo grunts as he tried to let go from the grip that the guards his holding onto him now

"Why don't you just fuck off?" Eddie has reached its limit, he had enough of this man

Jason laughs in disbelief as he leans forward and you shudder under his tone

"I can execute you for lying, you piece of shit, I knew you we're hiding her!"

Eddie held you tightly behind his back as you wince at Jason's voice

"The way you deliberately disobeyed the rules, outsiders are not meant to be in your world, especially her" Jason pushes him making you stumble from the back as your eyes widened

Jeff and Gareth can't help but to start fighting the guards and making Enzo start kicking and joining the fight

The swords are clashing, the armor is clanking, the shouts from the fight rummaging in your brain

You shut your eyes as you can hear your father's voice from the lessons he taught you

"Y/N, my daughter, being a risk taker- it's about having the guts to trusting your own voice, you set your mind to face consequences and being able to handle it on your own makes you the best ruler of the kingdom"

"So, if you ever you put yourself in that situation, don't be afraid to take a step forward and prove to everyone that they're wrong and don't make anyone else cloud your judgement"

You picked up your sword and impede on Eddie and Jason's fight as you slashed your sword in the middle

Eddie has never seen you this determined and almost forgot that you're so skillful swordswoman

You defeated Jason by making him drop his sword on the ground and start aiming at him

From your action, everyone stopped at what they're doing as they watch you

"You're a making a big mistake, princess"

"I am certainly not"

"You mustn't defend the wrong person, you didn't even know who he is- still haven't remembered anything do you?" He makes a teasing look at Eddie as he furrow his eyebrows in confusion

No, it's a bad move, if you admitted that you knew Eddie, so, you didn't say anything this time

"Why do I get the feeling that you already told him?"

"Just shush your mouth and walk away, Jason"

"The only half of it, you knew, huh?" Jason smirks and it's making your head crack open to his assholeness

Jason fastly grabs his sword and goes to attack Eddie only to be stopped when you block his way

"I am warning you!"

"You gotta be shitting me! This fucking man that you're defending, he's practicing black magic didn't you even think for once that he might be the cause to all of this?!?"

Eddie clenches his fists and a flash of hurt in his eyes that this will be the end of preparing himself for a long time

That Gareth was right all along

But, still he won't drop it, he is certain that he is right about you

"You also know that's a false accusation, Jason, there's no proof"

"Right, discovering dead babies and children from his home doesn't count, huh?"

"Someone else planted them!" Eddie exclaims as he meets your eyes, he thought he'll see something else but no- your eyes didn't falter

You trust him

Jason raises his sword wanting to stab Eddie with it but instead you make him drop his sword for the second time

Making Jason alarmed by your defiance

"There's one thing you didn't know about me, Jason is that when I believe someone is truly innocent- I'll fight no matter what it takes" you paused

"I believe in justice" you say as you move backwards

When he tries to move, you aim your sword back at him

"You want me alive back there, do you?"

Jason didn't want to to nod but he did

You replaced your sword with a dagger as you show it to everyone your arm

Enzo knew what you're doing, despite, the situation being tricky, he is somewhat proud of you for standing up what is right

You did exactly what your father did before

Jeff, Gareth and Eddie almost dropping their eyeballs when you cut your arm making a fresh new wound

Eddie looked at your eyes quickly and you didn't even flinched at the horrifying thing that you just did

Your arms is now dripping in blood making the rest of the guards bow at you

"You gotta have to kill me first, before you get to Eddie"

"Woah- slow down, alright" Jason felt so fucking stupid that you won

One of the guards bind your hands with a rope as you came along with them

"Wait- No! Y/N-"

Your eyes went softer when you looked at him as if you weren't so tough back then

"I'll be fine, Eddie"

"But what about.... Henry?"

You know what he's talking about, you're supposed to get married to him but you won't let it happen, not on your watch

"I will turn it down like I always do, Eddie"

His eyes are begging for you to stay but he can't do anything right now

"Take care of yourself" you say softly as the guards nudge you to move

"Y/N"

You turn your head at him

"Thank you"

You smile sweetly "It's the least thing that I could do to help you, goodbye for now"

For now? What does that mean?

You want to see him again? He hopes so

They all watch you walk away from the place as you entered the portal outside

"Boy, when she spills blood on you, she is serious" Enzo pats behind Eddie's back comforting him

"If they lay a finger on her, I'm gonna squeeze all of their insides to a pulp" Gareth grumbles as he looks over at Jeff who agrees with him

"What do you think they'll do to her?" Jeff is worried about your well-being, the last time he wants to see is you being scared and he doesn't like that

"I'm going to save her" Eddie as he narrows his eyes at Jason who is waving at him annoyingly

"I'm with you, I ain't going to let this place ruled by these people" Enzo says as he removes the dirt from his boots

"It's oath that we agreed upon the first meeting, we swear on our life to protect her even in the face of danger" Jeff adds as he waits for Gareth

"We've been on this mess for too long, it's time for us to fight, to the death" Gareth turns his back and starts packing Jeff and Enzo tailing at him

"Y/N, just hold on, we'll get you" Eddie speaks to himself as he looked up at the sky

#Spotify #eddie munson #eddie munson x fem!reader #stranger things 4 #eddie munson fic #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson x y/n #eddie x fem!reader #eddie munson angst #agirlwholovesrockstarsfics

[toomanystoriessolittletime]

late night calls

Summary: It all started with a phone call to the DEA office to tell Javier about the surgery of his father. You had insisted to take care of him after Chucho told you about the surgery. That you would fall in love with his son you had never met before? Just as surprising to you as it was to Javier.

Pairing: Javier Peña x F!Plus size reader

Wordcount: 4.1k+

Warnings: fluff, phone sex, mentions of bomb attacks, sexism, self doubt, yearning?

A/N: I know that probably more time passed between the bombing and Javier being send back to the states but I chose to ignore it. For the plot. Hope you enjoy it :)

Masterlist

*taglist in reblog

You still weren’t used to the heat. Yes, you did move to Texas because you wanted a fresh start. But the fucking heat would take some time to get used to. Nothing was holding you back in Maine. You had spent the last years taking care of your sick mother. She had died just before Christmas and with her all the family you had left. 

So coming with the new year you took a leap of faith, packed your things, and moved to a little town close to the Mexican border. You got a job at the local police station as a secretary that made a decent sum of money each month. Life was good. At least you told yourself so. 

You had made a couple of friends. Mostly the older generation of the town. You weren’t big on going out, nor had the town a big nightlife in the first place. That’s why you insisted on taking care of Chucho after he told you one day at the diner that he had to get a hip replacement. His wife had died a long time ago and his son wasn’t able to leave work.

“Don’t you have some better stuff to do cariño?” He had asked.

“What better way to start your day than on your Farm, Senior Peña.” You had winked at him.

Chucho might have been a stubborn old man, but once he got out of surgery and was in pain he was thankful that he accepted your help. That was also the first time you heard him talk about his son. Javier.

“Be a dear and call him to tell him I’m okay?” He had mumbled before he dozed off again. You had chuckled, kissed his cheek before you left him for the day to went over to his farm. Once you had taken care of everything for the day you sat down on his kitchen island and grabbed the phone, dialing the first number he had written down.

You had suggested moving into his place in his recovery time. It was a beautiful place. Mexico was just on the other side of the river down the property. But the best part about this place was the air conditioning. Okay… You really loved this place and it definitely was an upgrade to the small apartment you were renting in the city. 

Waiting for his son to pick up the phone you wondered what kind of job he would have that he wasn’t able to take care of his father. You didn’t judge him, okay maybe a little, you were more curious. You had seen some pictures of him spread through the house. But you had never asked about him.

“DEA Office, how may I help you?” A woman answered your call.

“Uhm… Is Javier Peña available? It’s about his father,” you tried.

“Oh of course. Agent Peña just got in. Please hold.”

Agent Peña? DEA? You had so many questions but they died on your tongue when the call connected again.

“This is Peña.” A deep voice said. He reminded you of his father.

“Hello Mr. Peña. I’m only calling to let you know that your father’s surgery went fine. He wanted me to forward this to you.”

“Javier, please. Not even my father likes to be called Mr. Peña.” 

“Oh I noticed that,” you chuckled.

“He’s fine yeah?” You heard something shuffle on the other end of the line. 

“Yeah. Already made some jokes and told me to make sure I feed the horses in the right order.”

“You’re taking care of the horses?”

“Yeah. I’m temporarily moving in to help your father.”

“That’s very nice of you. He never told me about you.”

“There’s not much to tell.” You got up and took out a bottle of water from the fridge. “I’m only here for the air conditioning.” You joked. He laughed.

“Fuck I miss air conditioning. Hold on.” You sat down again, hearing only damp voices.

“Fuck. I need to go. Please call me if something comes up. Dad has my home number too, right?” He was speaking quickly and you wondered what was happening. 

“Yes, he wrote it down for me. Everything okay?”

“Yeah hopefully. Just some work stuff. Keep in touch, yeah?”

“Will do Javier.”

Chucho got home a week later and he was the worst at listening to doctors’ orders. You still had to go into the station to work, but you spend your whole time worrying about him. It was funny to you how he seemingly had become a father figure to you in less than a couple of weeks. 

Of course you found him standing at the kitchen counter when you got to the ranch, the phone tugged between his shoulder and his ear, making himself a sandwich.

“Shouldn’t you be resting?” You asked, crossing your arms in front of your chest.

“I was. Then Javi called and I got hungry.” 

“Stubborn old man,” you grumbled and he rolled his eyes.

“Come on, I brought dinner.”

“Fine. Here. Javi wants to say Hello,” he handed you the phone before he slowly trotted towards the couch. Shaking your head you put the phone to your ear.

“You are really strict with him,” Javier said.

“Someone has to. Are all you Peña men this stubborn?” 

He chuckled. “You have no idea. How is he doing?”

“Overall good. Not complaining as much as in the beginning but then again I am bribing him with my delicious cooking.”

Javier and you had spoken to each other at least two times per week since the first time you called to tell him about his father’s surgery. You learned that he was a DEA agent on the hunt for Pablo Escobar. You learned that he was feeling guilty about not being there for his father and to take care of the ranch. You learned lots of things about Javier Peña. 

“Ah... Delicious cooking. Maybe one day you get to cook for me?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You teased, hearing him take a sip of his drink. Whiskey probably. 

“Just that my father is praising your cooking so much I wonder if it really is that good.”

“Oh, it is, Peña.” You found yourself smiling. You heard him sigh.

“Everything’s okay over there?” You asked.

“Yeah,” he said too quickly. Definitely a lie. You nodded.

“You wanna stay on the phone while I prepare dinner?” you asked.

“Yeah,” he whispered.

The better Chucho got, the longer the phone calls between Javier and you seem to get. It was mostly at night after he got home from whatever he had been doing at work that day intending to check in on his father. But after a few sentences, he asked about your day. About how you felt. What your plans for the coming weekend were. 

“You sound exhausted Hermosa,” he sighed. It had been a long day at work and all you wanted was to grab a pint of ice cream and drown your sorrows.

“Just the usual sexist bullshit at the PD,” you groaned.

“Want me to kill them?” Javier joked.

“You take care of your nemesis, I take care of mine. But I appreciate the help.” You sat down on your bed, knowing that this was usually the room he occupied when he was here to visit his father. 

“Noted. But if it’s any help, I had a shit day too. They seem to get more frequent the longer I stay in this shithole.”

“Maybe you have to focus on the good things of being in this country. There have to be some. The food probably. I always enjoy new food. Maybe go to a museum? I don’t want to intrude but you don’t seem like you do anything besides work and well…”

It was pure accident that you had heard the voice of a woman one night when you had called him for a change. You knew that he looked good, you had seen the pictures, so it shouldn’t be a surprise to you, that he did have a girlfriend. He clarified that he didn’t, that this was just a woman he got intel from. You didn’t ask any more questions, it wasn’t your right. That it hurt to think of him and another woman was something you chose to ignore.

“I never thanked you,” Javier said. You let yourself fall back into bed, staring at the stars outside the window.

“What for?” you asked quietly.

“Thanking care of Dad and the ranch. Listening to my drunken ramblings. You’re a good friend,” he said. You smiled, a warm feeling spreading in your chest.

“You’re a good friend too, Javi.”

Chucho didn’t need anyone to take care of him. Not when he was back to his old health after a couple of months. But he had asked you to move in with him anyway. And you loved to live with the old man. Enjoying not being on your own all the time. And you loved helping him out at the ranch. The PD was still getting on your nerves and you were seriously considering just quitting.

“I hate it. I fucking hate it. I get one dumb line after another, just because I’m a woman. That I helped to get together the evidence to put that fucker away that killed all those women last year is not even of interest. FUCK!” you complained to Chucho. He knew about all of this already. Yet he jumped from his seat when he saw that you did cut yourself while making dinner.

“Careful.” He took your hand in his, leading you over to the sink to look at your wound. It didn’t hurt that much. 

“What about if I take care of dinner today, and you go and take a bath? Javier is probably gonna call in a bit…” Chucho winked, putting a bandaid on your finger.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” you frowned.

“Just that I see the way you smile every time my son calls.”

“Two whole days off? What are you gonna do with yourself?” You joked. You were laying in the bathtub, the phone in your hand as you talked to Javier.

“Don’t know. I feel like I need a home-cooked meal so I’m gonna nag Connie to cook one.”

You chuckled, crossing your legs.

“Is that water I hear?” he asked and you blushed. Why? You didn’t know. You had undressed numerous times while on the phone with him, but being completely naked and him knowing about it…

“I’m in the bathtub. Chucho’s orders. He’s making dinner before I kill myself doing it.”

You were met with silence.

“You okay, Javi?” You sucked your bottom lip in. “I did only cut my finger,” you joked.

“Just trying to get the picture of you naked in the bathtub out of my head.”

“You don’t even know what I look like.”

“Doesn’t matter. All I need is to hear your voice and I’m hard…”

“Javi…” you whispered, feeling hot all of the sudden.

“Will you tell me?” he asked.

“Tell you what?”

“If you think about me? Because you are on my mind all the time. I keep picturing how you look. If you have long hair or short hair. What color your eyes have. If your smile is only half as beautiful as your laugh. Fuck… I just wanna see you. I wanna feel you. I wanna taste you Hermosa.” 

Unintentionally your unoccupied hand had made its way down your body, your breath coming in short pants.

“Keep talking Javier…” you whispered, your hand slipping in between your legs.

“I want to touch you. Fuck I bet your skin is so soft. I’d worship you. I stay up at night wondering if I could fit your boobs in my hands. What sound you would make when I close my mouth around your nipple…”

“Shit Javi…” You moaned.

“I wonder how you taste. Are you wet for me baby?” he asked and you heard a zipper being undone on his end of the line.

“So wet. You always make me wet. I touch myself when we get off the phone, wondering how it would feel to have you here…” you whimpered.

“I would have fucked you on every flat surface in the house if I was there. The thought of you sleeping in my bed is making me lose my mind.”

You circled your clit with your fingers, a low moan coming from your lips.

“I wonder how you feel wrapped around my cock. I wonder how you sound when I make you cum. I want to hear it so badly…” You were sure he was fucking his hand and you whimpered at the thought.

“I wish it was my hand wrapped around your big cock right now. God, I wish it was your hand between my legs and not mine…” You bit your lips, keeping yourself quiet.

“Put two fingers into that cunt and make yourself cum. I wanna hear you…” he groaned on the phone. 

“Fuck Javi…” you cried quietly, two fingers inside your cunt. “I wish it was your cock and not my fingers.”

“Me too… Me too babe.” he moaned. “Circle that clit for me. Cum for me.”

Circling your clit you almost let the phone fall into the tub when you came with a low moan. You heard him cry out your name on the other end of the line before all that was heard was both of your heavy breathing. 

“Javi…?” you asked after a while, still high from one of the best orgasms you ever had. You heard the familiar sound of him lighting a cigarette.

“I meant every single word Hermosa. I want you.” You never thought you would hear these words from him or any man for that matter. You weren’t a typical beauty. You weren’t skinny, you loved food and your curves showed it. On most days you were happy with the way you looked. But you also knew how Javier looked. He was an attractive man and you knew he did indeed have a new woman every other night if he felt like it. He might be interested now, but once he would meet you, there was no way he would make true to all the things he said.

“You’re quiet.” he noticed.

“Yeah. Just coming down from the best orgasm I’ve had in a while,” you joked and he sighed.

“I might not see you, but I know that you’re lying.”

“Okay, it was the best orgasm I ever had.”

“Hermosa…”

“I don’t want to talk about it. Just let me enjoy the illusion of a handsome DEA Agent being interested in little ol’ me.”

“I’ll make sure you believe that it isn’t an illusion until we do see each other.”

Months went by and by now you were pretty sure you were in love with Javier Peña. The phone bill was taking dimensions you were almost guilty about, but Chucho only smiled not taking your money, telling you to make his boy happy. Safe to say he approved.

You had told him about your insecurities and Javier made sure to tell you every time you talked to each other that it didn’t matter how you looked. He told you that you could be green and he’d still go down on you the first time he would meet you.

And you wanted to believe him, you really did. You had told him how you looked after he tried to talk you into sending pictures of yourself “with or without clothes, I don’t care. Though you can guess what I prefer.” he had teased. Javier never made a secret about how much he liked you. Enjoyed talking to you. He told you he had stopped sleeping around for god’s sake. 

He was supposed to visit his father in a couple of weeks and the more time passed, the more nervous you became. You didn’t doubt that he meant every single word he said to you. It was years of being on the receiving end of jokes and being the ugly friend that automatically let you feel like you weren’t good enough.

The worst part was that you knew, deep down, that you were beautiful. You loved how you looked. But there still was this voice inside your head, telling you that you would never be good enough for anyone. That there was no way someone would ever fall in love with you.

It was a typical morning at work. You had your coffee and all the files you had to update. Javier had talked to you until you fell asleep, telling you that he felt like he was failing in taking Escobar down. He didn’t tell you much, not wanting you to worry or to risk someone listening, but you could tell that he was exhausted. “I fucked up, Hermosa. I really fucked up and I have no idea how to fix this,” were the words that he had whispered to you in the middle of the night. 

You didn’t ask what he meant, just telling him that you’d be there for him, no matter what.

Typing as usual you stopped as the song on the radio was, interrupted by a news report of a bombing in Bogota, Colombia. You knew that there were bombings all the time over there, and Javier always assured you that he was perfectly fine. But with how he was last night, you had a bad feeling.

“Fuck. When are they going to stop that shit over there? If I was there I’d caught Escobar years ago,” one of the officers said. You closed your eyes, breathing in deeply.

“Isn’t Chucho’s son over there pretty face?” The officer stopped in front of your desk and you opened your eyes.

“Yeah he is,” you said.

“Maybe if he would know how to do his job, shit like that wouldn’t go down like that,” he grinned and you wanted to stop, but your hand was faster. Slapping his cheek you got off your seat.

“And maybe if you would know how to use your dick your wife wouldn’t fuck your colleague over there, but you’ll never know, right?” You grinned, picking your purse and walking out.

“I’m taking today off.” You yelled over your shoulder as you walked to your car.

Javier didn’t pick up the phone. Which wasn’t what concerned you on the first day. He would have to deal with the shit that had happened over there. But when three days passed and you could see Chucho getting nervous as well you became restless. The ranch had never been so spotless. The horses had been fed in record time, and you took long rides along the river. If something had happened to him someone would have called, right? You couldn’t even reach his partner Murphy who you had talked to occasionally when Javier wasn’t at his desk. 

When a week passed and you hadn’t heard anything you were close to making your way to the airport to just fly down there. What if he died? What if he was gone and you hadn’t told him that you loved him? That you fell in love with a man you had never met before? Getting off the horse you sat down at the tree closest to the river. It was quiet here. This was the outer area of Chucho’s ranch, your favorite spot. You had joked about building a house here once when you were out with the old man and he had agreed that it would be the perfect spot. Sighing you drank from the bottle of water you brought.

Where the fuck are you Javier?

Another week went by without any sign of life from him. You had called the DEA office again but no one seemed to be able to give you an answer. You were growing restless. Working seemed to be the only thing that could get you off the spiraling thoughts of what if? You really had it bad for the man. Shaking your head to yourself you sighed as you parked your car on the usual spot in front of the ranch. Chucho’s truck was gone, he had a doctor's appointment to check on his hip and would meet his lady friend for dinner afterward. You had met her, Estella, once. She was a beautiful woman and Chucho seemed very happy with her. With a sad smile you killed the engine, getting out of the car. On your way to the house you groaned, turning around because you forgot your take out. You weren’t in the mood to cook and the pizza from that place that Javier had told you about was the best you had ever had. While you opened the passenger door of your car you heard the front door of the house open.

Shit. Burglars? You didn’t have anything on you, you could use as a gun. You knew you could probably make it to the horse stable to find something, but not in these fucking heels. Why did you wear these fucking heels? Maybe you could make them choke on the pizza? But then again you were looking forward to eating it. 

“Just take what you want, I won’t look.” You called over your shoulder, hoping to just be spared for the day. Closing your eyes you sighed when you were met with no reaction. You heard footsteps on the porch that stopped.

“Look, I’m really not in the mood for this bullshit today. So either take whatever the fuck you want or kill me….” you turned around and all the words died on your lips.

Standing there, leaning against the porch was no other than Javier fucking Peña. Alive. And looking even better than on the various pictures hanging in the house. He was bare feet, wearing tight jeans and a green shirt that was half undone. Opening your mouth to talk, all that came out was a gasp. He looked at you, his eyes mirroring the million emotions inside of you. Looking down at yourself you felt shy all of the sudden. This isn’t how you imagined meeting him for the first time. You wanted to be pretty. To wear some spanx. To have some make-up on. Closing your eyes you breathed in deep. You were happy to see him, you really were. But the ride of emotions you had gone through in the last couple of days took hold of you. Walking quickly towards him, you pushed against his chest, the air leaving his lungs in a puff.

“You fucking idiot. I thought you died.” You pushed him again.

“Do you have any idea how awful I felt since I heard the news of the bombing? You…” You pushed against his chest again, but this time he was faster, grabbing your wrists as he looked down at you. You felt the tears in your eyes as you finally looked up at him. Almost a year of phone calls and now he was standing here in front of you. Alive and warm. And smelling so fucking good.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, holding both of your wrists against his chest as he looked at you. 

“I should have called but I told you I fucked up. Badly. And I had to fix it and…” he shook his head. “It doesn’t matter now. I’m here and fuck… you’re even more beautiful than I pictured you,” he smiled a little.

“Flattery will get you nowhere.” You huffed, still annoyed.

“No?” he asked teasingly, smirking at you as he leaned down. You shook your head, biting your lip. God, you wanted to kiss him. 

“Can I at least try?” he asked, his lips brushing over your temple. You swallowed, shivering when you felt his cheek against yours. Fuck. Why did he smell so good?

“You may try, but I’m really, really mad at you Javier.”

You closed your eyes when he released your wrists and put one of his hands on your back to push you closer against him. He kissed your cheek before he straightened to his full height and looked down at you, his other hand coming to rest on your cheek.

“You’re really sexy when you’re angry,” he teased before he leaned down to kiss you. You melted against him, your hands running up his chest, holding on to the back of his neck as one hand ran through his hair, to pull him down. Kissing him didn’t come close to anything you could have imagined, his tongue parting your lips and you couldn’t help the moan against his lips. 

“Still angry?” he whispered out of breath against your lips.

“Slightly less angry,” you whispered back before you found yourself in his arms as he carried you into the house.

#my writing #Javier Peña #Javier Pena x reader #Javier Pena x you #pedro pascal #javier pena x plus size reader #fanfic #fanfiction

[angstsfordays]

Beautiful Pain (1)

Chapter One- A post-Blip world

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Enhanced!Reader

Summary: Post-Blip, you started to feel lost when most of the Avengers team are gone. Coping with your loss, you still find hope in the connection with your remaining friends. However, it is not easy as everyone is trying to figure their lives after the Blip.

Having a long history with Bucky ever since you both saved each other from Hydra, you were still glad you had Bucky after all this time. However, as you try to give Bucky space to find himself after being pardoned for his past, you start to wonder if you should ever cross the line of friendship before it’s too late.

That thought might have to be put on hold though, when you, Sam and Bucky find yourselves having to deal with threats that continue to rise in a post-blip world.

Chapter synopsis: Post-Blip, you find yourself more alone than ever as old friends are forever gone. You and Bucky struggle with finding life's purpose while trying to move on.

Warnings: Angst. A lot of guilt and self-blaming. Spoiler for ep 1 if you haven't seen it!

Word count: 2.4k

Notes: Here's the first chapter of the series! Check out the prologue if you have not done so! It gives you an insight into the OC's background and history with Bucky before TFATWS.

Hope you enjoy this read!

Opening up a tag list for the first time since I have gotten a request! Message or comment to let me know!

Leave a like, reblog or comment to let me know what you think! 🥰

Previous: Prologue | Next: Chapter Two |

-------------------------//---------------------------

Present-day

Bucky felt his heart stopped for a moment when he realised what he was about to do to the terrified man from his dreams. Before he could imagine the next scene, his eyes flew wide open and he immediately sat up.

Assessing his surroundings to see that the television was still on, he realised he was home and have woken up from a nightmare. Even though Hydra’s brainwashing has been removed, the memories from his dark past continued to plague him.

The summer blanket you got for him pooled around his waist, his right hand reached out to give it a soft squeeze. The soft texture of the fabric comforted him emotionally as he sat on the cold hard floor. As he regained steady breathing, he looked around to see that it was still the early hours of the night.

He reached out for his flip phone- the one you couldn’t believe he insisted to buy over a regular smartphone. Pressing the buttons, he went to his inbox to see an unread message from you. Bucky contemplated opening it but decided to continue when he decided he wanted to hear from you.

Ever since the blip occurred, the days and weeks seemed to be a blur. Sooner than he realised, six months had just passed like that.

When Steve decided to go back to the past for good, all three of you including Sam were at a sudden loss. Bucky was disappointed but not surprised at Steve’s decision. Sam wanted the best for Steve and showed his support.

However, you were the most affected out of the group. He knew that despite putting a brave front, you were struggling with the loss of your friends in a short span of time. After all, you had spent a good amount of time with the Avengers and had a developed a close relationship with most of the team.

Bucky remembered how you immediately slumped to the floor when you heard the news about Natasha. You were at a loss of words before you started to break down when Steve went to comfort you. You always regarded Natasha as an older sister so her death hit you hard.

He recalled how you held back your tears at Tony’s funeral as you did not want to further bring down the atmosphere when Pepper and Morgan were there. He remembered how Tony was like an annoying but endearing older brother.

When Steve was disappeared from his spot, you didn’t think much of it thinking he would return in a matter of seconds after returning the stones. However, when all three of you looked to see an ageing Steve, you were the first to run up to him. Despite the astonishing expression that painted your face, you reached out to hold Steve’s hands to check if he was real.

Steve’s decision to pass Sam the shield was no surprise to Bucky. Even though Bucky found Sam irritating at times, Bucky knew he was a good man.

While you chose to accept Steve’s choice, it started to sink into your mind that the people once closest to you were gone or getting further. Bucky remembered how you were reluctant to let Steve walk away and Steve let you hold onto him longer.

You and Bucky decided to not let each other be alone that night. You two figured that at least you had each other and you wanted to cherish that.

-------------------—---//----------------------------

Moving forward, Sam had decided to find work with the U.S air force. Sam checked in on Bucky from time to time but Bucky contemplated to respond. After being pardoned for his past, Bucky found himself compensated but he still felt like a prisoner.

He was required to attend court-mandated therapy sessions to make sure he was doing well. You know that it was just a way for the government to have him under surveillance and in check.

He might be the oldest prisoner of war but he was still a super soldier and one with a vibranium arm. Bucky knew he was still deemed as dangerous in their eyes.

When you and Bucky discussed how to move forward, he confided that he wanted to make amends and you showed your support. When he asked about you, you seemed hesitant and a little lost for an answer.

The Avengers are gone. There was no more S.H.I.E.L.D.

Who were you now? What are you fighting for? What is going to be your purpose moving forward? These were all the questions swimming in your head.

You were reluctant to tell Bucky yet but a government official had paid you a visit while you were waiting for Bucky to finish his therapy session.

You were offered a position in a task force to maintain global security in light of a post-blip world. Given your abilities, you were viewed as an invaluable asset. However, you knew better than to take their words for it.

Revealing your hesitance, the official took a harder approach and laid out the truth. You were viewed as a potential threat if you were to not co-operate with the government. You are an unsupervised enhanced individual that is roaming freely. They do not want to allow that in the event that you were to do anything out of your own jurisdiction.

It was the Sokovia Accords all over again, you thought. The official added that you no longer had the Avengers team to fall back on. His words only added to the ache in your heart as you were reminded of your lost friends.

Additionally, he let off that Wanda had been involved in an event that caused the government to review their management of enhanced individuals in the country. Wanda was out of their reach but you were still around. They knew that you have been sticking by Bucky and thus decided to come for you.

Remembering Steve's words from the times of the civil war between the Avengers, you were not able to let yourself trust any words that the official said.

You didn’t want to let yourself be controlled especially by the government whom you knew had hidden agendas that they would not reveal to you. Their words of praises of how you would be a great addition made you felt like you would be nothing more than a tool in their master plans.

“What if I refuse?” You spoke to the official. The official's eyes hardened and his jaw clenched.

“Then Ms L/N, we will have to view you as a threat to national and global security.” You scoffed at his words when you stared dead into his eyes.

“You forgot that I was one of the many to help fight Thanos and brought the world back. This is how you decided to treat me after giving my service to this country? To this world?” You shot back in distaste.

You turned your back on the guy and walked off without giving him a chance to answer.

--------------------------//--------------------------

Hey Buck, I managed to find Wanda and decided to accompany her for a bit. She needs someone now.

I will let you know when I am back.

Don’t miss me too much ok! ;)

Bucky couldn’t help the smile that formed on his face at your last sentence. He missed you but he knew that you had things to attend to. He understood how much you valued your remaining friends. Wanda, being one of them.

-----------------—-----//---------------------———

Bucky sighed when he realised that he was not going to get away easy with today’s therapy session. Dr Raynor was really trying to push his buttons and even took out her darn notebook again.

That ticked Bucky off the most and he reluctantly gave in. He began to share about how he crossed another name on his list of amends. Dr Raynor then gave her opinion about how even making amends wasn’t able to help with his nightmares.

Bucky continued to deny that he had any at all but he knew Dr Raynor was not convinced. Glimpsing down briefly with an unconvinced look, Dr Raynor looked back up to Bucky.

“Look. One day, you’re gonna have to open up and understand that some people really do want to help you and that they can be trusted.”

“I trust people.” Not all but maybe just one. Only one person came to his immediate thought.

“Yeah, give me your phone.” Dr Raynor put aside her notebook before reaching over to take Bucky’s phone from him. As she searched up his contact list, she remarked that there wasn’t even ten numbers in it.

“Oh, and you’ve been ignoring the texts from Sam. Look, you gotta nurture friendships.” She spoke before noting that she was the only person Bucky called all week and how sad it was.

Dr Raynor was going to continue before she stopped herself. She opened up the chat with your name and read your last message to Bucky.

“What about Y/N?”

“What about her?” Bucky retorted.

“Seems like she’s someone you are close to?” Dr Raynor tried to imply something.

“She’s a friend,” Bucky answered firmly. Dr Raynor gave Bucky a glance before probing further. “I’ve seen her around before when she accompanied you at the beginning of your session. She seems nice.”

“She is,” Bucky answered curtly once more before deciding to shoot back, knowing his therapist was trying to probe more than he was willing to share. “What are you insinuating, doc?”

“Nothing. I am glad you at least have one friend. But you need to make more connections with other people.” Dr Raynor tried explaining. Bucky drifted off in his thoughts for a moment, thinking about how he didn’t need more people. He was fine with just you but he didn’t want to let on more than he wanted to.

He didn’t feel the need to explain about his relationship with you when you knew you two were solid. Bucky sighed internally when his therapist asked him what he wanted. Bucky thought of the calm and peace he had in Wakanda, his mind replaying the moments of you and him living a carefree life on the farm.

When he was told that he was finally free, he questioned “to do what?”. Was he ever truly free? The memories from his past, the long list of amends he had in his notebook. Could he ever truly be free from the guilt that constantly plagues him?

As Bucky made his way back to his apartment, he spotted his neighbour, Yori arguing with another neighbour, Unique over the trash. He reassured that he could take care of Yori to this Unique fellow before catching up with the grumbling old man in the alley.

Bucky convinced him that he would give a treat at their usual sushi place and that managed to pacify Yori’s mood.

-------------—-----——//---------------------——

When they were at Izzy’s, Yori mentioned how no one made it past 90 years in the obituary of the newspaper. The familiar waitress came up to the two and remarked if they were feeling adventurous since they did not order the usual.

Giving him a slight smirk, Yori suggested that Bucky should ask her out. Bucky immediately shook his head and gave Yori a bewildered look like he was crazy.

“Why not? Are you seeing that pretty friend of yours that always come to visit?” Bucky knew Yori was referring to you and immediately tried to refute the notion.

“Y/N’s just a friend.”

“Could have convinced me otherwise. You two seem really close.” Yori scoffed at Bucky’s statement.

“Such a pity. If I were 50 years younger, I would have made a move already.” Bucky chuckled at how Yori, despite being a grumpy senior most of the times, actually tried to make a witty joke. He silently agreed that you were indeed a catch and how it was crazy you have not been with anyone.

Well then again, you have always been with him all this while. Of course, as a friend, Bucky tried to convince himself that there was no way he would have a shot with you. You were too good for him and you definitely deserved someone better.

Even though he tried to convince himself, Bucky does not know what to do if you had managed to find someone and will eventually leave him to be on his own. He shook himself out of his inner thoughts and before he knew it, Yori spoke to the waitress.

“He would like to take you out on a date.” Bucky’s eyes shot wide open when he realised what Yori had actually done. Bucky tried to apologise on behalf of Yori for his bizarre behaviour but the waitress did not seem to mind. In fact, she was game and agreed.

After she went off to attend to other customers, Bucky shook his head and couldn’t believe Yori actually became his wingman. Yori then suddenly went silent for a moment. Bucky was nervous before hearing how Yori spoke of his beloved son who had passed away due to an incident.

Bucky listened intently with the guilt gnawing in his gut, his heart heavy with all of the weight of the world.

------———------------//------------------------—

Bucky convinced himself to go on the date with Leah. He decided to give himself the chance to make more connections as Dr Raynor had advised. The date was going well in fact. Leah seemed like a great gal but Bucky felt himself holding back.

There were just too many secrets he was holding in. What would she think if she knew who he really was? Would she even want to be in the same room as him then?

While he tried the whole online dating thing (much to your masked disappointment and amusement), he was not convinced if he could really make a romantic connection with anyone. Who was he kidding? Could he ever?

When the topic of conversation turned to Yori, the overwhelming sensation started to descend onto Bucky’s consciousness. Before he could stop, he immediately tapped out. Giving a pathetic excuse, Bucky rushed back to Yori’s apartment and had the urge to tell him the truth.

However, when he saw the altar that Yori had dedicated to his son, Bucky withdrew himself. He did not want to lose a friend in Yori even though he was dying to say the truth.

Bucky pretended to come up with an excuse to a confused Yori by paying his half of lunch before stalking off. When Bucky returned to his place, he opened up his notebook and stared at Yori’s name.

What was he to do?

A ring on his phone averted his intense thoughts and he reached for his phone.

Hey Buck, I am done on my side.

Would be back soon!

Can’t wait to see you again, missed you!

Bucky clutched his phone tighter and brought it close to his heart. He started counting down the hours till he could welcome you back in his arms.

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#bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes #thefalconandthewintersoldier #tfatws #marvel fanfiction #angstsfordays #beautiful pain

[ediths]

What I Wish Just One Person Would Say To Me

Pairing: Harry Styles x Reader

Word Count: 1.6k

Summary: You’re always going to support Harry’s dream, no matter how much it can hurt you at times.

Warning(s): It’s sad overall, so beware of that

A/N: hello again loves!!! @trulylight requested: hey, can you please write something with harry styles based on the song “what i wish just one person would say to me” by LANY? I hope that I did your ask justice!!! I’m not sure exactly what you wanted, of course, but this is how I interpreted the song!!! Okay tbh I don’t really know how I feel about  this :(( but I’m gonna post it anyway and I hope that someone enjoys this!!!

Masterlist | Taglist | Request - Guidelines | Come Talk to Me!!

Reblogs help a lot and are greatly appreciated!!

*

You and Harry have been dating since before everything in his life flipped upside down. Since the ripe old age of fifteen, you’ve been able to call him yours. Alongside his mother, you encouraged him to take the chance with the X Factor. You distinctly remember telling him that the worst they could do is say no, and regardless of the outcome, you’d be there to support him with any and everything that he wanted to do.

Turns out that going on that show was the best thing for him. The band was formed and he turned into an international pop star overnight. At first, you had been worried about what would happen with the two of you. You couldn’t see where you fit into the equation of his new life. You knew just how many people had begun to want him, and you constantly found yourself wondering when the breakup call was going to come. You hated thinking things like that, but with him constantly climbing up in the world, there seemed like less and less of a chance of the two of you staying together.

Harry had other plans for the two of you, however. He shut down those thoughts the moment that he found out about them. He assured you that there was no one else for him, that there was nobody he would rather have. He promised you that no matter where he was in the world, he was yours and you were his. And although it probably shouldn’t have, his words easily brought you peace.

Now, ten years later, you’re not sure what life would be like if you weren’t directly connected to Harry Styles. Life has been a rollercoaster, with plenty of ups and downs, but there’s nothing about it that you would change. Regardless of how many bad days there were, you get to come home and spend your time with the man that you’re head over heels in love with, so really, there’s nothing that can bring you down. 

Harry’s kept your head up for years, even when things felt like they were too much to handle. When there were articles about you that weren’t very flattering, when the hate messages started, when he went on tour and you felt like you were alone in the world, he still managed to find a way to make you feel better. He was the rock that kept you grounded in this hectic lifestyle. 

Even though your life can be an absolute mess at times, there’s no one else you’d rather spend it with. There’s no one else that you’d want to navigate this crazy world with.

There’s just something about Harry that makes you feel complete and secure. There had always felt like there was something missing in your life, but the moment Harry waltzed in and stole your heart, everything felt complete. 

There’s nothing more in this world that you could ask for. All you want to do is spend the rest of your life with him. Not a day goes by that you don’t yearn for the ability to just be around him every day.

In the life that you live, however, that’s not realistic. Being around Harry every single day isn’t something that’s achievable. You may be the love of his life, but music and touring? That’s a major part of his life as well. 

Sometimes it’s hard, not being able to have a “normal relationship” but after you think about it, you’d never want what people think of as a normal relationship over the one that you already have. 

You’re well aware of the fact that Harry can’t just stay with you all the time. He needs more than that to truly be happy, and you’re okay with that. It’s hard sometimes. It hurts more often than not to be away from him for so long, but you’ve become so used to it that you don’t even question it anymore.

You’ve always known that Harry needed more than the small town that you grew up in to be happy. He’s always been too big for that place, and you simply can’t try to hinder the opportunities that life throws at him.

No matter how much pain that him being away for months at a time causes you, there’s no way that you could just give up on him. You’re here for everything, for better or for worse, so you’re not just going to up and leave because things are a little hard on your end. 

You went through this for five continuous years while he was in One Direction, so there’s no doubt in your mind that there’s a way for you to get through it for a few months to a year. It’s not like he completely drops off the face of the earth when he’s gone. The two of you still talk on the phone and text each other. There’s never been a day go by where you didn’t hear at least something from him.

The both of you try your best to be as close to each other as possible, regardless of the fact that he’s normally in another country while on tour. 

As you’re sitting on the bed next to Harry, he’s packing for his next tour. This time, though, he seems to be more worried about the months to come than you are.

“Look, love, anytime you need anything, I’m just a call away, okay?” He turns to look at you and the desperation written on his face makes you want to curl up in him and never have him leave.

“Harry, I’ve told you for the last time, I’ll be fine.” He sighs, shaking his head.

“I know, I just feel bad for leaving you again.” A soft smile graces your face at his words.

“I’ll be perfectly okay, baby. I’ll be right here watching you take on the world.” He moves closer to you and wraps his arms around you.

“I know you’ll be okay, but I also know how much you hate being alone for months at a time.” 

“Hey, listen to me, okay? It’s the same as any other time you’ve been on tour. I’ll hold down the fort at home while you go out and live your dream.”

“I don’t want you to have to stay here all alone though, dove. Doesn’t seem fair.” You begin running your hands through his messy ringlets.

“What about it isn’t fair? I have a job here to do, just like you have a job to do. Yours just requires you traveling around the world.” 

“Just seems wrong to leave you here.”

You sigh. “Listen, you have to go on tour, there’s nothing that can change that. I’m fine staying here as long as I know that you’re coming home at some point, okay? I’m happy that you get to do this.”

He pulls back from you for a moment, planting a light peck on your cheek before burying his face back into your neck.

*

It’s been three months since Harry left for tour, and as much as you truly are happy for him, you were having a progressively harder time with being completely content with the entire situation. The longer that he’s gone, the more you seem to lose your way without him with you every day. This happens every time that he goes on tour, regardless of how long that he’s gone. For the first few months, everything’s jumbled up and it’s hard for you to completely adapt to him being gone.

He’s only been gone for a fraction of the time that he has to be, but you can’t help but feel like it’s been years. Every time that he’s home for an extended period of time and then leaves again, it hits you hard just how much that you love him. He’s everything that you’ve ever wanted and everything that you’ll ever need. Being without him feels like torture, and you silently wish to yourself every day that he could have a career doing what he loves, but without having to leave so often.

As soon as the thought comes into your mind, though, you quickly rid it from your thoughts. He’s living his dream and you can’t be anything but happy for him.

Shaking those thoughts from your mind doesn’t stop others from taking root in your brain, though. The most adamant one being that you wish he’d just run back home to hold you and comfort you, even if it was only for the night.

As much as you wish for it, though, you know that he can’t just do that. So instead of holding him as you fall asleep every night, you fall asleep holding his pillow as he talks you to sleep over the phone.

*

Okay so I’m not sure how to feel about this but I hope that it’s good!!! 

Permanent Taglist - @spidey-reids-2003, @jackiehollanderr, @scarletsoldierrr, @thewayilookatbacon, @parker-barnes-af, @lost-in-the-stars03, @kisses-holland, @josiemara, @god-knows-what-am-i-doing, @fanficscuziranout,  @akila-stilinski , @babebenhardy @write-from-the-heart, @slytherinambitious, @miraclesoflove @quaksonhehe, @dummiesshort, @sleepybesson, @sunshine96love, @itstaskeen, @wotamelonsugar, @fallingfordolans, @missleahlin, @urbandcal, @5-seconds-of-mendes, @sarcasticallywitty15​, 

Harry Styles Taglist - @alwayshave-faith, @hufflepuff-always-and-forever, @sucker-09 @just-chillin-out-in-me-box, @macksmedicine, @xo-spidey, @afterhoursharry, @shawnieeboyy, 

*

#Zoey Writes #harry styles x reader #harry styles fluff #harry styles angst #harry styles smut #harry styles writing #harry styles #hs

[openheartthot]

Holding On

Part 1: The Inevitable | Part 2: Selfish | Part 3: Letting Go

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x f!MC (Camille Prescott)

Word Count: 2,551

Warnings: None that I can think of. 

Summary: Ethan can’t live without her. 

***

Ahh guys it’s been so long omg. I know I’ve missed reading a lot of fics but I swear once finals are over I’m gonna go back and harass everyone with my reblogs lmao. This is sort of all over the place, but I figured I’ve been wallowing in my writer’s block long enough! 

Ethan watches her all night.

She’s radiant in a wine-colored dress, her perfectly coiffed golden hair a far cry from the messy ponytails and buns that she used to sport around Edenbrook. 

It’s hard to believe that this is the same woman who’d once started every morning tangled in his bedsheets, who’d held his hand across the table in Derry Roasters.

The same woman who once tried to tell him she loved him in an airport, before he stopped her. 

Pain battles with pride in the pit of his stomach as he watches her flit around the hotel ballroom. She’s completely in her element as she rubs elbows with the elite of West Coast medicine. No longer is she the bright-eyed young intern by his side. 

It shouldn’t come as a surprise, Ethan always knew she’d be great.

And yet...he can’t help but worry that he might be too late. 

Her dress is just a bit risqué for a medical conference, but none of the other doctors or representatives seem to mind. They are completely enraptured by her wide smiles and sharp wit. Especially the young, sandy-haired doctor all but glued to her side. Ethan doesn’t miss the way his hand alights on her waist every now and then, nor the wonderstruck way he gazes at her. 

Jealousy roils in Ethan’s stomach, completely unwarranted. He has no claim on her, not anymore.

Ethan turns bitterly back to his scotch, determined to drown his sorrows in the amber liquid before him. One more drink at the bar, and then he’ll leave to continue his pity party upstairs in the privacy of his hotel room. There’s no point in torturing himself with the sight of her with another man. 

He knocks back his drink, and another one appears in front of him almost instantly, though he hasn’t ordered one. 

For a moment, he’s confused. 

But only for a moment. 

He catches a whiff of her perfume before any of his other senses realize she’s behind him. He breathes in deeply, savoring the gentle floral scent that lingered on his pillow long after she left for the last time. 

“Hell of a speech,” Ethan says into the drink she bought him. He can’t look at her-- he’s scared of what he might say if he gets a glimpse of those green eyes.

He’s broken a lot of his own rules when it comes to Camille, but he won’t make a move on a woman in a relationship. No matter how badly he wants to punch her companion in the jaw. 

“I wasn’t expecting you to be here. You hate conventions.” 

Ethan grits his teeth against the onslaught of emotions triggered by that voice. That soft, silvery voice that he used to have the pleasure of hearing every day. 

God, how he took her for granted back then. 

“To your first keynote? I wouldn’t miss it.” Ethan says, fighting to keep his voice even. 

It’s true. Ethan avoids conventions like the plague, but when he heard Camille was to be the keynote speaker of a conference held in her new home city of San Francisco, he’d booked a flight without a second thought. 

He’s been telling himself it is just to celebrate her success as a former mentor, but he can no longer pretend that he doesn’t have ulterior motives. That he didn’t want to know if she’d come alone, or on the arm of some well-built pretty boy--

“The blonde Clark Kent? Who’s he?” Ethan asks, not entirely on purpose. The scotch has loosened his tongue more than he realized. 

“Adam is... just a colleague.” Camille says, and then Ethan catches a glimpse of red silk and blonde hair in his periphery as she sinks onto the barstool beside him.

He can’t ignore the flicker of hope ignited by her words, but then reality comes crashing back in. They live on opposite sides of the country. He told her to leave. 

“I was your colleague too, once.” Ethan says, immediately wishing the words didn’t sound so resentful. 

“Once.” Camille muses in agreement, and Ethan can’t help but wonder if the bittersweet reel of their relationship plays on a perpetual loop in her mind the way it does in his. 

“So, you aren’t seeing anyone?” Ethan can’t help but ask, unable to shake the growing tingle of hope. 

“No.” Camille says softly, “I don’t know if I’m ready for anything serious.” She stares down at the bar, unaware of the physical ache that the words cause in Ethan’s chest. The cautious tone of her voice hurts more than he cares to admit.  

His Camille, the one who boldly strode past all of the boundaries that he had so painstakingly created, would never be so hesitant when it came to love. 

She’s supposed to be foolish, and headstrong, and impulsive...and it’s Ethan’s fault that she isn’t any of those things anymore. 

Ethan takes another swallow of scotch, for courage, before he turns to face her. 

He had watched her during her speech, of course, and from afar as she made her rounds through the room, but seeing her up-close is almost more than he can handle. 

Ethan meets her eyes, and for a minute, he swears he forgets how to breathe. The rest of the room fades away, and it feels like all that exists is him and her. All he can see through his tunneling vision are those green eyes. 

Those eyes bring him back to Miami, to that first passion-fueled kiss on a balcony under the light of a thousand stars, both of their inhibitions clouded with wine. 

Those eyes bring him back to long nights spent in the diagnostics office, toiling over a case; to her fingers laced in his under the table; to a million little moments shared between the two of them over the course of their relationship, both professional and romantic. 

“Dance with me.” Ethan says. He can’t think of a single other thing besides encircling Camille in his arms and holding her close, even if it’s only for the duration of a song. 

“...Okay.” Camille agrees after a moment, although Ethan isn’t sure whether it’s out of pity, or because, like his, her hands are burning with the need to touch him. 

She follows him to the dance floor, and when she steps into his arms, Ethan can’t stop his eyes from watering. He is convinced there is nothing more right than Camille against his chest, the way her arms slide around his neck, the way that his hands know the curve of her waist. 

“I want you.” Ethan murmurs. He can’t help it, with her in his arms, it’s almost like no time has passed at all. 

Camille stiffens, her arms tensing where they rest against his shoulders. Her gaze flicks to the elevators, and she swallows hard before looking away. 

“You know I’m not interested in being a casual hookup anymore.” 

Ethan’s chest tightens, knowing that he was the one that made her feel cheap, disposable. Even so, his own hurt swells. 

“There was nothing casual about the nights we spent together, not for me.” Ethan says curtly, stung by her implication. 

“For me either.” Camille says in exasperation. “But…” 

“I want to be with you.” Ethan says, the words welcome on his tongue after spending so long pretending that he didn’t miss her. Pretending that it didn’t bother him knowing that Camille was building a new life on the other side of the country. A life without him. 

“Stop it.” Camille falters, missing a step and almost losing her balance. Ethan pulls her securely against his chest, but she avoids his gaze. “Missing me isn’t the same thing as wanting to be with me.” 

“I know,” Ethan insists, refusing to back down. 

“Since you left Boston, I’ve been a shell of a man, living only for your visits. And when those stopped…” He takes a deep breath. “I can’t live without you, Camille, I need you.” 

“That’s not healthy.” Camille snaps, her expression knitting into a scowl. “And you were the one who told me to move in the first place!” 

“I was, and I stand by that. It was the right decision for your career.” Ethan counters reflexively before his voice drops, husky with emotion. “Whether it’s healthy or not, I don’t want to be without you. Not for another second.” 

He dips his head, just enough to let his jaw brush against her temple. 

Camille lets out a tiny sniff, and when he pulls back to meet her eyes, he finds them shimmering with tears. 

“Ethan…” Her lips part on his name, her eyes filled with a yearning so deep that Ethan instinctively tightens his hold on her, his fingers tracing the notches of her spine. 

Slowly, tentatively, she relaxes into him, her head resting on his chest just above his beating heart. Ethan freezes, terrified that the slightest movement will scare her away. 

“I want that, too.”

He doesn’t waste another second. He tilts her chin up, and then her hands are in his hair, tugging him roughly down until his mouth meets hers. The kiss is desperate and consuming, her hands roving over his back and chest while Ethan traces patterns on the exposed skin of her back. 

“I’ve missed this.” Ethan manages before crushing his mouth back to hers. “I’ve missed you.” 

Camille sighs in agreement, pulling him close and melding her body against his until it’s hard to tell where his body ends and hers begins. 

Her hips rock boldly against him, and Ethan bites back a groan, all too aware that they’re still in the middle of a very public dance floor. 

As their frantic kiss slows to gentle brushes of his lips against hers, Ethan smooths his hands over her back, holding her as tightly as he dares. He gazes down at her in amazement, and she stares back, her eyes alight with joy and promise. 

“Is that a yes, then? To being with me?” Ethan asks, trying to keep his giddiness at bay. He doesn’t deserve this woman, not even a little, but if she’ll have him... The rising tide of his hope is an almost overwhelming warmth in his chest. 

“I…” Camille’s voice trails off, and the light in her eyes extinguishes. She pulls back, not quite out of his embrace, but enough for the distance between them to feel insurmountable. 

Ethan closes his eyes, feeling a fresh wave of despair wash over him. He’s too late, too much time has passed. Whatever they once had is unsalvageable. He had known that it was a longshot, but he knows he couldn’t live with himself if he hadn’t at least tried. 

“I want to say yes, I really do.” Camille says, shaking her head despondently. “But I can’t move back to Boston. I have a life in San Francisco, now. I have an apartment with a great view of the Bay, and my career is finally taking off… You don’t get to follow me and ask me to give all of that up, it’s not fair.” 

She looks up at him, restrained hope in her eyes, as if she’s waiting for Ethan to make a grand gesture, to convince her that he’s worth another chance. 

“Does your apartment allow dogs?” Ethan asks instead. 

Camille looks away, and he can see the disappointment wash over her face. Disappointment in him, for once again choosing to take the path of least resistance, and once again refusing to fight for her. 

“The song’s over, and I’m not interested in making small-talk about my apartment with you. I should go.” She tries to pull back, but Ethan doesn’t release her, maintaining a firm but gentle grip on her waist. 

“It’s not small-talk. You should know I hate that more than anyone.” Ethan says, his fingers pressing insistently against her waist, the smooth fabric of her dress bunching beneath his fingertips. 

“I need to know if your apartment allows dogs. I need to know if I can have Alan put Jenner on the first flight out to San Francisco tomorrow morning, or if I have to wait until we find a new place.” 

Camille’s eyes search his face with obvious confusion. 

“What? I don’t… Jenner?” Camille stammers for a moment as she collects her thoughts, her hands absentmindedly resting on his chest. Ethan feels his heart skip at the casual intimacy of her fingers toying with his lapels. “You want to move out to San Francisco?” 

“Yes.” Ethan says shortly. “When I said I didn’t want to leave your side, I meant it.”  

“Ethan, we’ve been over this. If one of us gives up our career for the other we’ll just end up resenting each other. You’ve been working at Edenbrook for over a decade, I can’t let you give it up for me.” 

“Edenbrook is…wonderful. I have enjoyed working there, but at the end of the day it’s just a job. When I came home to an empty apartment at the end of the day, it wasn’t Edenbrook I was thinking about, Camille, it was you.” 

“But you love Edenbrook.” Camille says uncertainly, her eyes begging for an explanation. 

“I like Edenbrook, most assuredly.” Ethan cups her face in his hands, running his thumbs over her smooth skin. “But I love you.” 

“You…love me?” Camille asks, her green eyes gazing up at him, starry with hope. Her cheeks are flushed pink, and Ethan is sure he’s never seen her look more beautiful. 

“I do.” he murmurs, unwilling-- unable to look away from her awed expression. 

“You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to hear you say that.” Camille whispers back, a luminous smile growing on her face. 

“Camille, I’ve been a complete fool, I know that. But I have to know… if you still…” Ethan stumbles over his words, his grip on her tightening in thinly veiled desperation. 

“If I still love you back?” she prompts, her light and teasing tone a far cry from her earlier anguish.

Ethan nods, the agony of not knowing threatening to consume him altogether. 

Camille’s expression softens, and her fingers drift to his face, tenderly tracing the contour of his cheekbone.

“Of course I do. How could I not?” she asks with a soft laugh, lifting one shoulder in a bashful shrug that is entirely too alluring. His eyes trail over her exposed collarbone. 

Ethan can’t wait to take her to his suite upstairs and find out if the skin under that red dress is as sweet as he remembers. But there will be plenty of time for that later, after he hears the three words that have been haunting him ever since she boarded that plane. 

“Say it. Please.” Ethan presses his forehead to hers, unbridled joy threatening to bring him to his knees. There are few scenarios that involve the great Ethan Ramsey being reduced to begging, and every last one centers around the gorgeous, brilliant woman in front of him. 

“I love you, too.” 

This time, she pushes herself onto her tiptoes to close the distance beteen them. And when their lips meet, Ethan knows that he has made the right decision. Edenbrook, Boston, he can take or leave all of it, as long as he has her. 

***

Tagging separately since I have no idea if tumblr will decide to work or not :)

#open heart #ethan ramsey #oph #oh #ethan ramsey x mc #ethan x mc #open heart fanfiction #playchoices

[livvynka]

The Vacation (Kamilah & Amy) - Part 2

Warning: SMUT. I’m not native english speaker, feel free to correct me (i would be actually glad).

1100 + words

Tag list: @fal-carrington @samanthadalton @vonda-b-real @drmmyrs @straightlikewetspaghetti @blaine-hayes @lizielasyd @mrskamilahsayeed @millasayeed @ntoraplayschoices @ilove-kamilah-sayeed @kamilah-is-queen @rhonda-sayeed @queenkamilah @domakir @kwaj115 

Please consider following these people. They are talented and their blogs are great! If you want to be tagged or do not want to be tagged anymore, please, contact me.

And thank you for your support. I appreciate all likes, reblogs, comments. You are all amazing!

DISCLAIMER: I do not own these characters, they are property of PixelBerry studios!

.

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Last part:

Amy:

“And I was always thrilled to make out on airplane… I think I need help with something in toilet… Care to join?”

Amy smirk at Kamilah and slide her hand to Kamilah side. Kamilah raise an eyebrow. Kamilah eyes flash in red for second.

Kamilah:

“Lead the way.”

Amy stand up and pull Kamilah by hand. Amy look in every direction so noone cant see them when they enter the toilet. Kamilah turn to door and lock them.

Amy push Kamilah against the door. Amy’s hand wondering at Kamilah belly.

Kamilah:

“Hmm, my dirty, dirty girl.”

Kamilah tries to escape, but Amy hold her hand above her head.

Amy:

“Shh… This trip is about making you feel good. Starting…”

Amy unbutton Kamilah’s pants and slightly touch her abdomen. Kamilah gasp, lean her forehead to cold material of the door. Try to gain some self-control... Amy turn Kamilah around, so she can face her and kiss her hungrily. By one hand still holding Kamilahs hands above her head and with other…

..

..

..

With other hand squeezing Kamilah’s side. Amy move to Kamilah’s jaw line, continues to Kamilah’s earlobe and bite hard. Kamilah arch to Amy with the growl.

Kamilag:

“When i take my hands to you, you will ... - aaah”¨

Amy tease Kamilah’s center thru her pants, lightly and yet it drives Kamilah crazy.

Amy:

“I very much hope so. But now...”

Amy pulls Kamilah out of her pants and underwear, throw her blazer to ground and rip her shirt in half. Than trace her nails over new revealed skin.

Kamilah shudder and her eyes change to crimson red. And said with shaky voice.

Kamilah:

“Amy just fuck me, I can’t handle this anymore.”

Amy:

“Alright my love”

Amy sink to here knees, pul Kamilah’s legs apart, let one of Kamilah’s leg relax on her shoulder. Then she start workship Kamilah. She suck her, lick her... Circling around Kamilah’s clitoris. With her hand squeezing her butt, another hand press on Kamilah’s stomach to hold her still.

Kamilah moan loudly, Amy stop and look at Kamilah directly.

Amy: “

You need to be quiet, in other way they ban us for next flights.”

Kamilah:

“We’ll see who’s gonna be .. - jeez -us --ss”

Amy enters two finger inside Kamilah and move her mouth to Kamilah’s vulva again. Teasing one of her nipple.

Kamilah start to tremble uncontrollably, pant heavily. Hands on Amy’s shoulders. Hold her firmly, she will leave bruises for sure...

Than Kamilah explode, two times in row... Throw here head back and bite her tongue. Amy uprise and kiss Kamilah. She whispers.

Amy:

“I love you soo much.”

When Kamilah catch here breath again she grabs Amy and lift her to the near sink. Amy let out a surprise moan and pull Kamilah to close the distance, legs tangled by her sides. Kamilah smirk on that move. She doesn’t hesitate and undress Amy completely. Kissing the path of nude skin of Amy’s. Amy grab her by chin and connect their mouth again. Kamilah smile into the kiss and than suck Amy’s bottom lip.

Kamilah: “

So horny and demanding...”

She’s merciful and give Amy what she wants. She slide her two fingers inside Amy. Amy roll her eyes when pleasure begins be hard to take. Kamilah fasten the pace a lick Amy’s nipple. With other hand teasing her clitoris. Amy start to shake and let out moan. 

Kamilah:

“What were you saying about not being loud?

”

She smirk at her wife. It was her lullaby. Watching Amy’s body shaking with the climax coming, hear her moans, when Amy says her name. It thrills her.

She pumps in Amy with unnatural speed. Amy cursed and bite into Kamilah neck with her fang fully out. She feed from Kamilah, but she does not care. She would give her anything.

Kamilah add the third finger when she feels Amy’s gonna fell of the edge any second.

Kamilah:

“Let go my Queen.”

Kamilah’s soft voice was the last string. Amy’s vision went blur and she shout hers wife name.

Amy: “Ka- Kamilah!”

Amy fell in Kamilah’s arms and giggle.

Amy:

“You are going to be dead of me. I love you more btw.”

Kamilah gives Amy sweet kiss and help her wife get dressed again. They go back to their seats.

Kamilah:

“That was something else. I need to say I start liking to fly in economy class.”

Amy:

“I wonder the reason behind it...”

She smiles at Kamilah teasingly.

Kamilah:

“You are right, we need this. And I do everything in my power so we enjoy this time. I want you to show you some places in Prague too. Maybe we can even extend our vacation.”

Amy:

“That would be perfect, I don’t really care where we go, I just want to be with you.”

Kamilah tangle their fingers and lean against Amy’s shoulder. Amy pets her head gently.

Amy:

“Maybe not everywhere. I don’t like Japan or ´Island of Death´.”

Kamilah chuckle.

Kamilah:

“Nor Japan or ´Island of death´ stop me to try to make you happy every second of our life.”

Amy: “

You know I will do everything in my power to make you happy too? You are the dearest person to me, and I’m nothing without you.”

Kamilah:

“For me you are everything...”

They both fall asleep when one of the fly attendant come and wake up Amy.

Fly attendant:

“Miss, pardon me, for waking you up, would you like to eat something? Here is the menu, we have some Czech and American possibilities for food. We will come in few minutes to take your order.”

Amy:

“Thank you, we will let you know.”

Amy:

“Kami, baby. Wake up.”

Amy kiss Kamilah’s nose and brush her fingers across her cheeks. Kamilah open her eyes slowly.

Kamilah:

“What's the matter? I was enjoying my sleep.”

Amy:

“We can try our first Czech food together, look.”

She handle the menu to Kamilah. Kamilah still leaning against Amy. Kamilah looks at the menu with reluctance

Kamilah:

“Do we need to eat this? We can eat when we land.”

Amy stomach rumbles. Kamilah sigh.

Kamilah :

”Alright let's have. Ermm. What is this? Ghulagshdsad soap”

Amy chuckle. And say with humor in her voice.

Amy:

“It’s now actually not bad food. And you can pronounce it ´Goo - laash´. Well, with consideration we are on airplane and the food in economy class is far away matching the real Goulash from country local restaurant...”

Kamilah:

“Fine, let’s have it.”

Soon, after they order it with Czech beer, Goulash arrive. Kamilah look at the soap with caution.

Amy:

“Do not worry. It’s stew of meat, almost everytime from beef or veal and vegetables, flavoured with paprika spice. Try it.”

Amy practically shove the spoon in Kamilah mouth. Kamilah eyebrow quirk and she look at her wife with annoyance. She let Amy feed her. She eventually like the ´Ghoulash´ food or whatever is that.

Kamilah:

“It’s spicy but acceptable.”

She took a spoon from Amy and eat almost whole bowl. Amy rise a eyebrow at her and giggle.

Amy:

“So its ´acceptable´ you say. Let me buy you real Ghoulash when we are in center.”

Kamilah with full mouth.

Kamilah:

“Uhm, yes please.”

After another 7 hours airplane land in Prague. It was night already. Amy hide yawn behind her hand.

Amy:

“Hmm, let’s get to our apartment to freshen up, and we can go for short walk.”

Kamilah take Amy’s hand and kiss her forehead.

Kamilah:

“Sure my love.”

...

...

...

PART 1

#kamilah sayeed #choices kamilah #kamilah x mc #fanfic #wlwsmut #choices #choices stories you play #BloodBound #choices bloodbound

[ajbwasntwriting]

Daughter!Reader X Negan, Reader x Daryl: Chapter 7. Home Sweet Home

First | Previous | Next

The quest for relevant gifs continue as we begin this chapter with a cheeky little flashback. Hope you all had a happy end of 2020 and may all your 2021 goals come to fruition.

I’ll only post more chapters if previous chapters get a good reaction so if you enjoy this please heart it, reblog it, and/or reply to it. Interaction inspires.

if you wish to be added to the tag list please dm me. All chapters can be found under the tag AJ’s Negan’s Daughter AU

The school bell rang. All the kids packed up their things and got into a line to walk out the school to their parents. You were told to always take the back of the line, that way when all the other kids walked out the door to meet their parents, you could break off and run down to the teacher’s cafeteria. You’d stand outside the door and fifteen minutes later your father would arrive, usually with another two teachers in tow. Everyday you’d see him round the corner then drop your bag and sprint your little legs down to him. He’d pick you up in his arms and place a big kiss on your cheek.

“How was your day princess? Did you give Janet a hard time?” he’d ask, to which you’d always shake your head no. He’d smile at you before placing you back on the ground, then you’d run back to your bag and your father would bring you back to his classroom where he taught other kids. He’d correct work for a bit while you did your homework, usually at a desk far too big for you but it was still easier then the kitchen table.

After you had finished your homework your father would let you pull out pencils and paper and draw until either he had finished his corrections or it was time to go. It was 1985 and you were strapped into the backseat of your father’s car with ‘Out Of Touch’ on the radio. You were six years old and living the high life in the back of your daddy’s car on the way to your suburban house where your mom was cooking pasta for dinner after a long-shift at 7/11.

You woke up when the light hit your eyes, stirring you from the peaceful childhood dream of speeding down the country rode while The Bangles sang out. You were lying on a hard bed in what looked like a med-bay made out of an office. Realisationed hit you like a truck that this was the Sanctuary and you shot up, immediately regretting it when everything started to hurt.

“Woah Woah, easy.” A man chided as he jumped to your side, grabbing you by the shoulders to stop you from getting out of the bed. You yelled at him to get off you as you swung at him, sending him backwards. In a moment another two were on you, a man and a woman.

“Tie her before she pulls out her IV!” the woman yelled. The first man stood up and began strapping you in using broad leather straps while the other two put their weight on you.

You struggled as best you could, still exhausted and something heavy on your leg. “Let. me. Out!” you yelled as you pushed against the bonds.

“Get Daryl” one of the women commanded, the second man running out. “Try not to pull that IV out. We can’t patch you up if you do.” she commented, walking around to tend to the man you punched. At this angle you could see the four barred tattoos on her neck. You recognised her, but it seemed she didn’t recognise you. Or at least wasn’t saying anything.

“What are you gonna do to me?” you asked, trying to hide your fear. The man glared at you from where he sat on another hospital bed, his eye turning bruised.

“Nothing.” The woman commented. “Bosses orders” the man scoffed at that, earning a slap to his chest by the woman.

“What? You actually think Daryl is the boss. Negan had him putting dead ones on the fence! He should still be doing that!” the woman punched him in the chest

“Knock it off,” she chided “Unless you wanna get punished”

“He doesn’t do that shit” the man grumbled.

“Do you wanna be the reason he starts doing it?” You couldn’t help but laugh. Maybe it was your nerves at the situation but their banter was completely unexpected. She turned around and looked at your tied down giggling figure. “What’s so funny!?”

“You sound like his mom” you turned your head to look at them as you spoke, a smile on your face.

“She bitches like the old hag too” the man chirped, earning a more playful slap from the woman. This was good, the tension was being lifted if only slightly.

“Sorry for punching you. New surroundings, ya know.” you piped up, hoping to take advantage of the tension drop.

“Yea well, you're not getting out of those belts” the man retorted, nodding towards the binds

“That’s fair” you sigh. Looks like you’ll need a new plan. Maybe some info, but you’d have to give a little to get a little “So are you gonna kill me? Like your friends tried to”

“What you mean?” The man asked

“Couple of people broke into my safe house, said they were saviours and they were gonna kill me to save their friends.” you stared at the ceiling, trying to feign complete helplessness. “Are you with them?”

“No, but-” the woman shushed him again, but that did nothing to deter the man. “We used to be, then a war happened and our boss got locked up and they put an outsider in to look over us”

‘Locked up?’ you thought ‘so he’s not dead.’ you bit your tongue to contain your happiness. “I can’t say I’m sorry” you said after a beat, “So...I’m gonna live?” you looked at them with intentionally wide eyes. The woman looked pissed, but she nodded. You breathed a sigh of relief and closed your eyes. A beat or two later the man returned with Daryl and a grey-hair woman in tow.

“Get those off her!” Daryl ordered.

“It’s okay” you interjected. “I punched your friend there. Kinda earned this”

“Nah” the first man perked up “If I had been jumped then woke up in a strange place I’d have acted out too,” he moved over and started opening the belts, Daryl working on the others. You slowly pulled yourself up, Daryl jumping to your side to help you into a sitting position.

“You alright?” Daryl asked. You looked over now realising your palms were bandaged and your leg was in a splint. You reached up to your aching head and felt a bandage with your fingers.

“I’ve been better” you spoke low, still in a great deal of pain.

“What happened?” the grey haired woman asked. You spun a story of a bunch of people claiming to be saviours who entered your apartment with the plan of ambushing and killing Daryl, how you burned down the apartment and jumped out the window for your escape. The grey haired woman listened to you with growing worry on her face. “Did you kill them all?” she pushed

“I don’t know.” you admitted

“What do you mean you dont know!” she snapped

“Carol-” Daryl started

“No, if there’s people out there claiming to be saviours and hurting people then we’re gonna look bad in front of the other settlements.” Carol snapped back.

“She’s right,” the messenger added. “We’ll have to do something.”

“These were our brothers” the punched man spoke out “We can’t just kill them.”

“They didn’t give us a choice” Daryl snapped. “Y/N barely got out alive and she’s been living out there for months. What if they get someone who can’t hold their own!” he went to storm out but you reached out of the bed and grabbed his arm, yelling out in pain at the strain.

“Don’t” you warned, after Daryl and the woman helped you back into the bed. “If they’re still there then they’re barricaded and have significant advantage.”

“Well what do you purpose we do?” Carol asked. Your breath was getting heavy.

“Anybody got a map of DC? And maybe a pencil”

The original messenger boy got you a map and a pen. You marked out where your apartment had been, as well as some buildings that had fallen apart with age. “They said they were watching me, which means they could be in any of these” you marked around the stable buildings that could make for a hide, which was surprisingly few. “This is my hideout in city centre” you said marking the building

“You never mentioned another safe house.” Daryl spoke up, you smirked

“A girl needs her secrets.” you handed the pen to Daryl “What route did you take to my place?” he lined in his route.

“What if they’re farther?” Carol asked.

“They’re not.” you spoke firmly “They were watching me for long enough they knew when Daryl wouldn’t be around which means they made their place comfortable, and I bet a couple of them got injured in the fire, meaning they’re gonna have to lay low and patch themselves up,” You explained. Your body finally gave way and you fell back on the pillows. The woman jumped to your help, telling the others to go. She made you comfortable in the bed, you drifting off to sleep again not long after.

“How’d you know they’re there?” she asked later that evening when you were awake, eating some acorn mush, “How are you sure?”

You could sense she was worried. “I was in the military before all this” you answered. “Our job was to sneak into enemy territory to help our fellow soldiers or civilians. We used to make maps like that, using where our friends got attacked as a central point to where the enemy could be hiding” she nodded as you explained, though still visibly nervous. “They’ll be fine” you tried to reassure her. “If they’re not nearby, they’ll have to get through hordes of walkers before they’ll be somewhere safe. You’re friends will get them”

She seemed to be reassured, If only a little. “You know I’m meant to be looking after you,” she breathed out, a tear sneaking over her cheek. She wiped it away before it could fall. “I’m Laura, by the way”

“I’m Y/N”

The following morning they all returned, with the exception of Daryl. “You were right” Laura informed you. The ‘saviours’ were held up barely a block away and now they were dead.

“Where’s Daryl?” You asked when Carol visited you.

“He took off for Alexandria” Carol replied. “I’m in charge now.”

“Oh” you spoke, clearly disappointed. Carol ordered Laura to leave, putting you on high alert. She pulled up a chair and looked you in the eyes with a dead stare.

“What is your relationship with Daryl?” she asked bluntly. You cocked an eyebrow at her.

“I’m gonna need you to elaborate so I can give you an answer you’d be happy with, Carol.” you replied helpless from the bed. She knew you couldn’t run, yet she was putting on this show of bravado? She seemed to accept your request though.

“Up until three days ago we didn’t know Daryl had a secret lady hiding in the city. We want to make sure Daryl isn’t keeping secrets that can hurt us.” she spoke a little more relaxed now, but still direct. She reminded you of your mother in a way, whenever she noticed a cookie was missing, or later in life, her vodka had been replaced with water.

“So Rick, Carl, or Tara hadn’t mentioned me either?” those names spurred on some recognition. “Guess not” you sighed, thinking on how to break to this woman you had tried to kill two of her friends. You came to the conclusion that you shouldn’t. “I traded with Carl and Rick for some medical supplies. Few months later Tara, Rick, and Daryl stumbled into my area needing help so I did. Daryl’s been trading with me since.”

“What kind of trade?” she pushed.

“Food,” you answered. “He’s been feeding me, in return I’ve been getting him stuff. Blankets, bandages, jeans, kid’s shit like bottles, and toys-”

“And raincoats with little butterflies on it?” Carol interrupted you. You nodded and whispered a ‘yeah’ under your breath. “I have a niece called Judith. She’s trying to name all the butterflies.” she spoke lovingly of the child and you couldn’t help but smile at the thought of a small girl pointing at water-proof butterflies giving them cute names. She probably gave them different names every time she listed them.

The smile faded as you remembered the world isn’t that simple anymore. “So what now?” you asked.

“You’ll stay here” Carol ordered. “You’ll do your part, whatever way you can.”

You nodded in agreement “I know this might be a big ask considering we just met but,” you began, taking a big breath to try and stave off the tiredness, “Could I help here? In the hospital. I was a combat medic before this so it’s probably the best way I can help.”

And it could be a great way to weed out who knows who you are and threaten them into keeping their mouth shut, or even shutting it for them.

Your request was granted, under the watchful eye of Laura, and so began your new life at The Sanctuary.

~Tag List~

@bodeckersbitch​ @lauren-novak​

#negan twd #AJ's Negan's Daughter AU #daryl dixon imagine #the walking dead negan #negan the walking dead #negan fic #twd negan #twd #twd tv #twd fanfiction #twd daryl #daryl dixon #daryl dixon x reader #daryl x reader #twd reader insert #twd x reader #twd reader #daughter reader #negan x daughter reader #daughter x negan #daughter reader x negan #the walking dead daryl #the walking dead fanfic #the walking dead fanfiction #The Walking Dead #daryl twd

[connordavidscamera]

Living, Learning, and Fliming Ch. 8 | Connor Brashier

A/n: Thank you Miss Alessia Cara for writing the song that inspired this chapter. 

Summary: it’s a date... but with the wrong person?

Warnings: shit writing, what else is new?

Word count: 1.6k

***

Week 8

“I’m going to make you fall in love with me, pretty girl.” Connor says matter of factly. 

I laugh, writing down my final sentence. “You’ve got some nerve, huh?”

“What do you mean?”

“You really think it’s that easy to get me to fall in love with you? You think it’s that easy to get me to fall in love at all?” I question, crossing my arms over my chest. 

How dare he do that? Just march right in and say things like that to me.

“I don’t fall easily.”

“I know you said you haven’t had a boyfriend. But have you ever fallen for someone?”

“I told you that too.”

“Okay… then have you ever had your heart broken?”

I bite the inside of my lip, “And you want to know this because?”

“I’m just curious,” he shrugs. “You don’t have to tell me, I was just wondering.”

“I have,” I say after a few minutes. “Had my heart broken.” 

“Can I ask what happened?”

“I was talking to a guy for a while and it seemed like we were on the verge of becoming more. But then he… he said some things and it just didn’t end well. But yeah, I just decided that I didn’t want to get hurt anymore, so I haven’t really been looking for love or anything.”

“And you don’t think I can convince you? Can’t trick you? Push you?”

I smile softly, “I don’t know, bub. But if you do somehow trick me into falling for you, you’ll have to be cautious. Because you know I don’t give myself often.”

“Hmm… Well, let’s try today?”

“Y/n? You okay?” Shawn asks, tapping the table between us. 

“What? Sorry. I - I just got lost in thought.”

“Yeah, I figured,” he laughs lightly. “So, what music do you listen to?”

I smirk, “What music do I listen to? Or are you wanting to know if I listen to you?”

He smiles, “Well that too.”

“I listen to everything really. Rock, pop, alternative, country - don’t tell Connor that, he’d hate me.”

“I don’t think that’s possible.”

I give a tight lipped smile, “Right.”

“So you listen to everything. I do too.”

“Right, you have to know what’s going on in the music world. Con’s told me it’s pretty competitive there.”

“Yeah, it is. It’s hard to do something that no one else has done. But I’m sure that’s the same for any other career. Like with film?”

“Oh, yeah, absolutely. I think with anything creative or innovative, you just don’t really know what’s been done and what hasn’t.”

“What made you want to pursue film?”

“Um, I don’t know. I just picked up a camera one day and then I never wanted to put it down. I mean, wasn't it the same for you? You picked up a guitar and you just felt that it was what you were meant to do?”

 He nods, “Totally. I can’t see myself doing anything else.”

“That’s what it is for me.”

I sit quietly in my bed, staring down at the page in front of me, reading and rereading the same paragraph over and over and over again before I finally just close it. “Jesus, why can’t I get him off my mind? This is ridiculous!”

I groan in frustration and look around the room, trying to see everything that he saw the first time he came in here. The books, the desk that is way too organized for a college student. The baby pink bedspread - the only real splash of color in the otherwise monochromatic room. Then I look to my side, where he laid that first night and where he’s laid a countless amount of times now.

I’m so mad at him for always staying in my mind, changing my mood. And when I remember the way he looked hovering over me the way he did just days ago, I want to scream. He was too sexy with his hair slowly starting to stick to his forehead, his breathing deep and hot against my skin, his back muscles flexing beneath my touch. He was perfect and it made me sick. No one should be that beautiful. I don’t know what I did for him to see me and want to spend all this extra time with me, but I’m both grateful and floored by it at the same time. 

“Y/n?”

I blink a few times, “Fuck. I’m sorry. I’m really just spaced out today.”

Shawn nods, “It’s okay… Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah, of course.”

 He’s quiet for a minute, like he’s trying to pick his words carefully. “Did you want to come on this date?”

The question confuses me a bit, “Yes,” I answer.

“You hesitated.”

“Shawn, it’s not that I didn’t want to come with you-”

“Your head’s somewhere else. I get it. But your heart’s somewhere else, too.”

“I’m sorry?”

“It’s no secret that you can’t focus, and I don’t mean for that to sound rude. But when you are listening and talking, you’ve brought Connor up a lot.”

I sigh, “I’m sorry.”

“You like him, don’t you?”

“Shawn, please.”

“It’s okay that you do. I… I kind of figured.”

“What? But... If you thought that I might like him then why did you ask me out?”

“Because I like you. I think you’re funny and smart, and passionate, and so pretty. And if I’m being honest, I thought you were gonna say no. Why’d you say yes?”

Because I needed to keep myself from Connor. “Because I like you too.”

“But not like this. Not  in a ‘yeah, I could date this person’ type of way.”

I shake my head, “I’m so sorry. I want to. You have no idea how much I wish it were that way.”

“I know,” he scratches the back of his neck. “I wish it was too. But that’s life. At least we tried, right?”

I nod and look back down at the table, “Yeah, at least we tried.”

We’re walking out to the car when he asks, “So, what are you gonna do about Connor?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I mean, he’s already said that he’s in love with you.” 

It hurts me to see his face when I don’t say it back. But I can’t do it. Not if he’s doing this just for fun. I can’t handle another heartbreak, especially not by him. 

But then I remember how it felt for him to hold me just days ago in my room, after one too many orgasms - and despite the smug look on his face, I have never felt safer in anyone’s arms. And how being with him like this makes the walls I built around my heart melt just a little bit. And as I feel myself drifting, I can feel myself falling too, and that’s so scary. But his arms are still around me and I can almost convince myself that he’s going to catch me. 

“Yeah, he has.”

“Do you love him?”

I swallow hard. “I don’t know.”

“You do know.”

I breathe deeply through my nose, “Yes,” I answer, softly. 

“Are you going to tell him?”

“I don’t know.”

“Why not? He told you he’d wait.”

“Yeah, but what if I’m too late? He’s not gonna wait forever.”

“I think he would. I mean, I’ve never seen anyone look at someone with as much love and adoration as he does with you.”

“Okay, but-”

“He needs to know, y/n.”

I groan, “But I can’t tell him now. Because he’s gonna have that arrogant smirk on his face and he’s going to rub it in my face. Tell me that he knew all along. That he knew from the beginning that he could get me to fall in love with him.”

“He’s not going to do that.”

“He would. Because he’s condescending, and so, so arrogant. And it’s exhausting being around him because he’s so smart and he knows what he’s doing and where he’s going. Who just knows that? What college student knows exactly what they want and how to get it? He’s, god, he’s so annoying.”

“But?” Shawn prompts with an amused smirk.

“But,” I continue, “he’s also really funny, and he’s one of the smartest people I’ve ever met. I can’t get tired of listening to him go on about film or anything else, for that matter. And he worries about me, and cares for me. And he buys me things for no reason? Who does that? He doesn’t have to do that, but he does and he does it willingly. Yes, he’s arrogant and sometimes really hard to be around, but… he’s also my favorite person to spend time with. And yeah, I know that contradicts what I just said, but I can’t help it. I don’t want to spend my time with anyone else but him.”

Shawn chuckles.

“No offense,” I say quickly, but he shakes his head. 

“None taken. I get it. So why can you tell me this but you can’t tell him?”

“I guess it’s just easier when it’s not the person who needs to hear it.”

“Well you have all the words. Why don’t you use them?”

“Shawn, I can’t.”

“You can. I know you can. And I think it’s better to do it now rather than later. Keeping it in will only hurt you more - both of you.”

I swallow hard and nod, “Can you take me to his apartment?”

“Yeah?”

I nod, “You said do it now, right?”

He chuckles, “I did. Let’s go.”

I didn’t think I’d try love, but I guess I’ll try today. I’m yours, Connor Brashier. I’m yours. I couldn’t be anyone else’s. 

***

I hope you enjoyed! Please like, reblog, and leave feedback!!

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#connor brashier #connor brashier x reader #connor brashier x y/n #connor brashier imagines #connor brashier imagine #connor brashier fanfiction #connor brashier blurb #living learning and filming

[setsureadsshit]

Lost At Sea: A List of WIP’s I am finally letting go of [ Part 5 ]

[ Part 1 ] [ Post 2 ] [ Post 3 ] [ Post 4 ]

*see posts 1-4*

I’ve had this sitting in my drafts for.....probably half a year now, it was a project I took up at the start of the Covid and then I, like the rest of the world, sort of lost interest in everything for a little while. And then I threw myself into projects I could do around the house and hanging out with my housemates and slowly mourning our lost year. So, here’s THE LIST. And uh. Yeah.

The Soldier In The House Of Birds by Bonnie131313

Summary: A young acolyte finds himself paired with a young soldier

Last Update: 2018

Fandom & Main Pairing: Person Of Interest ; Rinch

Personal Notes: I really wanted to like this fic, I really wanted to but just...something about the style of the writing just doesn’t grab me. But like, I KNOW it’s really good, I can tell it’s well thought out even if it’s not finished but I just can’t...get into it and I’m letting it go.

Sucker For The Classics by nisolex

Summary: Scott was such a bad friend. Stiles only agreed to go on this stupid "pack bonding" trip so he and Scott could spend some time togehter. And what does Scott do? He invites Allison: and he gives her Stiles' seat in the car. Now Stiles is stuck in the Camaro for a 6 hour car ride with Derek Hale. This is gonna be a long week.

**With the show coming to an end, I wanted to write a Sterek fic to take us back to the beginning. This is an ode to the classic Teen Wolf fanfics. It will feature tropes as old as time, and is set sometime around season 3. If nothing else, get ready for some nostalgia, angst, and eventual sexy times.

Last Update: 2018

Fandom & Main Pairing: Teen Wolf ; Sterek

Personal Notes: Ah man, this fic is so good and tbh it leaves off at a moderately satisfying spot so still worth a read.

Where the lost get found by Ninjanervana

Summary:  The Nogitsune took a lot of things from Stiles: Allison, his peace of mind, his consent, his sanity, even his Spark. Maybe it’s time for Stiles to start taking things back.

Last Update: 2019

Fandom & Main Pairing: Teen Wolf ; Sterek

Personal Notes: I’d hold onto this - if all 7 chapters hadn’t all been posted at the same time and there hasn’t been so much as a peep since. Which is sad because it’s REALLY good but I have a harder time holding onto things that don’t have an update track record I can fall back on you know?

Can’t Hide From The Moonlight by Flarrow

Summary: The semi-unintended sequel to Might As Well Be the Sun, by reader request. One take, a potential telling of part of their married life together.

Last Update: 2016

Fandom & Main Pairing: The Flash ; Flarrow

Personal Notes: I just recently reblogged the first part of this series because I didn’t realize I hadn’t until I checked this, lol. The first one is really good, you should read it! A bummer this second part has kind fallen to the wayside but you know how it goes.

carpe diem by imadoki

Summary: The trials and tribulations that one Tsukishima Kei faces in the events leading up to spring graduation.(aka they're all third years and Tsukishima just wants to give Hinata his second gakuran button but there's a whole bunch of feelings in the way)

Last Update: 2015

Fandom & Main Pairing: Haikyuu!! ; Tsukihina

Personal Notes: I really love this idiot pairing. There...aren’t really any Hinata pairings I don’t like, he’s just so shippable, lmao. It’s a bummer that this one didn’t really get off the ground, it’s always so interesting seeing this pairing from Tsuki’s side of things.

Condo In The Woods by Strangeredlantern

Summary:  Scott gets here in four weeks, hopefully bringing some supernatural answers with him. That leaves Stiles four weeks to figure out Isaac. Why he’s here in Bear Valley, why he’s a werewolf, and why his eyes changed from blue to gold and back again not fifteen hours ago over Camden Lahey’s dog tags.

Last Update: 2014

Fandom & Main Pairing: Teen Wolf ; Stisaac

Personal Notes: I HAVE HELD ONTO THIS FIC. FOR SO FUCKING LONG. IF YOU CAN’T TELL. I REALLY FUCKING LOVE IT, I HAVE HOPED AND HOPED AND HOPED FOR SO LONG AND I AM SO GUTTED TO FINALLY BE GIVING UP ON IT. I LOVED IT. I STILL LOVE IT. STRANGEREDLANTERN, IF YOU’RE OUT THERE, IF YOU SEE THIS, KNOW THAT THERE IS ONE PERSON ON THIS EARTH WHO LOVED YOUR STORY. WHO STILL LOVES YOUR STORY. WHO HOPES YOU’RE HAVING A GOOD LIFE AND STILL WRITING SOMEWHERE.

Dead To Rights by askanasshole

Summary: Stiles is picky when he chooses his jobs. Can't hurt anyone, can't end the world, can't end with him a different species or trapped in an alternate dimension. Can't be face to face. Simple. Easy. Necessary. 

Of course his entire life goes to shit when he's forced into a face to face with a werewolf pack stupid enough to get their Second's heart stolen by a witch. Now if their Alpha would stop being so stupidly hot and he could get this job over with, that'd be great.

Last Update: 2015

Fandom & Main Pairing: Teen Wolf ; Sterek

Personal Notes: I really enjoyed this, it was such a wildly different take on things, I was really interested to see where it was gonna go. Sad to be finally throwing in the towel on it.

Destiny Knows Best by TaliskerMortem

Summary: It was supposed to be just an ordinary one-night stand. A quick tumble in the sheets and then good-bye. Derek’s wolf however, had other plans.

OR: The one in which Derek and Stiles do the do and a certain part of Derek’s wolfish anatomy decides they should be bonded for life.

Last Update: 2018

Fandom & Main Pairing: Teen Wolf ; Sterek

Personal Notes: Again, the start was pretty promising and it kinda leaves off in a satisfactory way even unfinished but I’m not interested in it enough to keep holding on it.

Dirty Dealing by lookslikenico, winglesswarrior

Summary:  Stiles had a plan for his final summer before college. He was going to intern at the Sheriff's station, get ahead on the plans for the rest of his life. Unfortunately, his dad had some hazy idea of him having 'one last summer' as a lazy teenager. Now, he's stuck cooling his heels and feeling very out of place at some stuck up country club, where he feel he has more in common with the staff than the other members. Of course, that could be because the staff include his new 'how have we never met before' best friend Scott and the 'it should be physically impossible for someone to be that perfect' new crush, Derek. Who apparently hates him - but not enough that he won't swallow his pride and put up with Stiles' presence when he's needed to help get Erica out of trouble...

Last Update: 2016

Fandom & Main Pairing: Teen Wolf ; Sterek

Personal Notes: I honestly don’t remember anything about this fic. So. Enter at your own risk.

#Person Of Interest #Rinch #harold finch x john reese #teen wolf #sterek #derek hale x stiles stilinski #haikyuu!! #tsukishima kei x hinata shouyou #tsukihina #the flash #arrow #flarrow #olivarry #stisaac #stiles stilinski x isaac layhe

[alpacaparkaseok]

Where you should be

9. Kairos

Genre: Hobi x oc

Warnings: this series contains stalking, blackmail, and similar stressful/fear inducing situations. Also unrequited love, which is perhaps the most terrifying of all.

Word Count: 3.2k

a/n: this is the final installment of Where you should be. I originally only planned for this story to have about 8 chapters, so yeah. I’m sorry if this came as a shock to some of you. I have loved getting to meet new people while writing this series; Hobi stans are literal sunshines. Hobi is one of my biases, so I was happy to get to write him a series. The world needs more Hobi fanfics. Thank you for reading, for reblogging, for interacting with me! Please enjoy and thank you for stopping in!

Kairos (n.) a propitious moment for decision or action; the ‘right time’

The bus station in Busan is crowded with people waiting to board the bus to head back to Seoul by the time I arrive there. Pulling my hood down low I begin to haul my bags to the taxi area, already exhausted.

While I wait in the growing line, I pull my phone out to start looking at hotels I can stay the night at. Hopefully Pdogg got my demo for Puma and will give me some feedback.

I get closer to the front of the line, hoping that a taxi will free up soon. I really just need a bed right now. Today has been too much.

Wincing as I see all the missed calls and texts from Hobi, I decide to text him as soon as I get settled into a hotel room. He deserves an explanation.

I’m watching the next taxi pull up into a vacant spot a black car swerves into the taxi lane, stopping right where the taxi was supposed to park. Honking and cursing ensues, people who were already frustrated after a long day of travel growing angry.

All of those angry voices are hushed the moment the driver’s door opens and a familiar face appears.

Hoseok’s eyes are on mine as he closes the door and strides up the steps toward me, ignoring the people that are staring at him. I blink at him, wondering if I’ve fallen asleep and this is all just a dream. This feels like something I would dream about; it’s too good to be true.

Only when the weight of my duffel bag is removed as Hoseok takes it off my hands do I realize that this may actually be real.

“Get in the car.”

His voice is gruff as the speaks, his eyes aflame with barely concealed anger. Shrinking in on myself, I pull my hood down even lower.

He knows I can’t make a scene here.

Hoseok waits until I start walking to begin walking as well, trailing behind me like a lurking predator and closing the door behind me when I sit down.

People’s phones are flashing as he puts my bags in the trunk, and he gives a polite wave before hopping back into the driver’s seat.

The kind smile he wore for the public as he waved is dropped as soon as he starts the car again, and he begins to speed out of the bus station. My heart is pounding out of my chest, the street lamps we pass under making me close my eyes as I can hardly keep up with them anymore.

I refuse to speak first, and it would appear that Hobi doesn’t plan on doing it either. Instead he drives and drives until we’re pulling into a hotel parking lot and he’s hopping out, grabbing my things for me.

“Stay here,” he orders, giving me a look that details just how he’ll murder me if I bail. “I’ll grab us a couple of rooms.”

It’s the fact that he specifies that we’ll be getting two rooms that has me freaking out. He disappears into the hotel, leaving me with my thoughts.

Scrolling through the texts I’ve been ignoring, I begin to realize just how much I screwed up.

Someone tapping on the window makes me jump, and I look up to see Hoseok waiting for me. Clambering out of the car, my face flushes as I’m sure that he saw that I was reading his messages.

I want to ask him how he knew where to find me, but one look at his solemn expression has me closing my mouth before I can ask the question. I follow him through a back entrance in the hotel, watching his feet as they ascend the stairs.

“Let me just drop your things off in your room,” he says when we come to a stop outside of a hotel room. Swiping the card, he waits for me to enter and then marches inside. Turning on his heel, he goes to leave, not even looking at me.

“Wait!��� I scramble to stop him, planting myself between him and the door. “What...how did you…?”

He’s staring holes into the space just above my head, but I refuse to shrink away from him. Slowly, those eyes slide down to meet mine.

I feel like I’ve been thrown into hell with that gaze.

“October 15th.”

I blink at him. “What?”

Hoseok sighs, his nostrils flaring. “You couldn’t wait it out, Ha-rin?” I flinch at the way he says my name. “I’ve been killing myself over trying to get us together and happy, but it’s never enough! And then you go and let some psychopath get up in your head, and just bail! You bailed before I could even wake up!”

His anger stokes my fire, and I stand up taller. “I didn’t just bail, Hoseok. You- you could have died! And you’re angry about that freaking me out? I saw what the stakes were and I stepped away. But you don’t -” I shove at his chest, “even - let - me - leave!”

Grabbing my wrists in his hands, he holds them above my head as he backs me back against the door. Leaning down so we’re eye-level, Hoseok’s eyes rake over my features like hot coals.

“What, you think the stakes are too high? You think this is because we’re together?” He laughs quietly, shaking his head. “Don’t flatter yourself. This is not the first time I’ve received death threats. It won't be the last time, either. This is my life,” Hoseok growls out, “so if the stakes are too high for you then you should have said so.”

Suddenly my anger dissolves as his words sink in. “No,” I whisper, desperately trying to backtrack. “T-that’s not-”

“Then what?” Hoseok demands, his grip on my wrists lightening a little but still keeping me frozen in place. “Because when I woke up in an empty bed, with nothing but a note saying ‘I’m sorry’ I kind of got the idea that you maybe didn’t want this. Was I wrong?” He hisses out the words, making me close my eyes against them.

I take a deep breath, shuddering at this new side of Hoseok. I think there’s a reason why I’ve never seen him angry before.

I think there’s a reason why he keeps that side of him on a very tight leash.

“You...Jihun said you’d be better off, and…” hearing myself speak I realize just how stupid this was. “I didn’t want you to get hurt, Hobi.” His eyes clear a bit and he seems to come back to his senses, releasing my wrists.

“And you couldn’t just tell me that?” He asks quietly, the bite in his voice long gone. Now, he looks exhausted.

I look down at my feet, feeling completely embarrassed. “No…? But, if you’re so mad at me, why are you even here right now?”

Hoseok looks at me like I’ve just grown a second head. “Rin-ah,” I let out a sigh of relief at the way he says my name. “This is what people do when they love each other. I wasn’t just going to cut my losses and move on with my life. Did you really think I would?”

I shrug. “Maybe?”

He reaches out to me but hesitates. “I...I’m sorry for being so angry. That was uncalled for.” I shake my head, but he continues. “But you need to talk to me, not take a bus to Busan. When you left after last night’s scare, I thought that you changed your mind about me. I thought that I lost you again.”

Now that I’m finally able to see if from his side, I groan, burying my face in my hands. “I...I’m so stupid.”

Hobi gives a startled laugh, pulling me into his arms. I go willingly, melting into his embrace. “I mean…”

Smacking his shoulder, we both laugh. Hobi detaches himself from me, running and jumping on the bed. I glare at him, walking over and shoving him to the side.

“Scoot,” I demand, squealing when he just pulls me onto the bed, laughing as I nearly bounce off of it. Wriggling around, trying to scoot away before he can get a hold of me, I laugh as his arms lock around my waist, pulling me in to lay beside him.

“Make me.”

I gasp at his brazenness, burying my face in a pillow. “How did you even know where to find me?”

“Oh, well it wasn’t that hard actually. Especially once Pdogg told me that you passed Puma off to him and told him that you’d be working remotely for a while. Busan is one of the farthest places you can go, and I know you. You’d go as far as you could without leaving the country.”

“So you drove.”

“I drove.”

“And you nearly killed a taxi driver while you were at it!”

Hobi groans, also collapsing atop the pillows. “I know, how embarrassing. Bang PD is gonna kill me.”

“I mean, what was going through your head? You sure gave those people a show. I bet you’re all over Twitter right now.”

“Correction,” he quips. “We’re all over Twitter right now. And I don’t know what I was thinking. I just saw you and I’d had an entire car ride to think about everything. I was angry, sure. But more...insecure? Yeah, more insecure than anything.”

I frown, sitting up on my elbows and fiddling with the pillow case. “Insecure? Why were you feeling insecure?”

He shrugs, staring up at the ceiling. “Like I said earlier...this kind of stuff, while not frequent, happens all the time. The threats, I mean. It’s just a part of my life, and I thought that you would have known that. So while a part of me knew that Jihun had gotten inside your head,” I shudder at the mere mention of the man, “I couldn’t help but think that you didn’t think that I was worth the trouble. So when I saw you clear down here, thinking that you could just leave me after everything we’ve been through...it hit hard. And so I wanted to make you see that I’d come all this way. That I am worth it.”

My heart splits in two at Hobi’s confession, and I snuggle in close to him. “I’m so sorry, Hobi. I didn’t even think about what you were feeling.”

He lets out a long sigh. “How are we even functioning after the past twenty-four hours?”

I laugh, shaking my head in disbelief. “I have no idea. Can we just go to sleep now?”

Hobi jumps up to turn off the lights, making me chuckle. “Yes. I would love nothing more.”

Then I remember the extra room he got. “Wait, are you going to the other room?”

He tilts his head to the side. “Other room?”

“Y’know, the second room? You mentioned that you were getting two.”

Hobi’s eyes light up with remembrance before he’s turning off the final light and finding his way to me in the dark. “Oooh, that. I was lying. I only got us one room.”

“What?”

Hobi’s giggle makes me smile. “I needed to keep you on your toes!”

♟

October 15th 2020

Puma turns out to be a hit. I get to start writing lyrics to more tracks after it hits the radio waves, Pdogg offering to be my mentor.

What we don’t tell Bang PD is that Hobi tends to be the one that spends the most time with me inside the studio.

Jihun is arrested, as well as his other friends that had a hand in threatening us.

I get new locks on my door.

And through it all, I learn about the boy that has taught me more about love than years of living in this world ever did.

Hoseok still ends up on the top floor of the building quite often, locked in that room at the end of the hallway and dancing for nobody. He once told me sometime in July or August that sometimes, he just wants to dance. It’s become his career, but sometimes he goes back to the young boy that just wanted to learn and hone his passion.

Sometimes I visit him up there, when we catch a break between the endless producing and performing. Amidst the pandemic and the aftermath of the chaos Jihun wrought, we order some takeout and eat on the floor.

Those are my favorite moments. Sitting with him with my back against the wall, stealing food from his plate as we swap stories or vent our frustrations.

I’ve learned that I can’t always take away his stress and struggles. He’s sometimes quiet, sulking about not being on tour and feeling so distant from what he’s come to expect from life. Those are the moments when I beg him to order dessert and I stay a little longer until the clouds in his eyes have broken up a little.

For the past few weeks, however, Hobi and I have hardly been able to see each other. Bang PD found out about our little relationship once Hobi’s trip to Busan hit the social media apps, some very interesting photos of the two of us getting into the same car clueing him in on our relationship. He has hardly been accommodating, holding my contract over my head every chance he gets. I swear, if I look at Hobi for more than two seconds at a time Bang PD is threatening to enforce the rules of my contract. 

I swear, if I hear him say ‘you signed and agreed to this!’ one more time, I’ll quit.

He’s been keeping me busy with TXT’s new album coming at the end of October, and Hobi is swimming in promotions and final tweaks to their album.

I think he’s out with the boys filming something today. It’s quiet as I head up to the top floor, carrying my lunch with me. I enter the practice room, hoping to see Hoseok’s familiar face but find it empty. Sighing, I head over to my usual corner and sit down, beginning to eat.

I nearly choke on my rice when the door swings open less than ten minutes later, Hobi striding in with a happy smile.

“I thought I’d find you up here,” he states proudly, plopping down beside me.

“Don’t you have promos today?” I ask around my food, batting his hand away when he tries to grab some of my food.

“Oh, yeah. We’re finished though.”

“Really? That was fast.”

Hoseok smiles, nodding absentmindedly. “You haven’t looked at the news, have you?”

I pull my phone out. “...no? Why? Did you do something crazy?”

He laughs. “Maybe. I’ll let you be the judge of that.” I give him a quizzical look, immediately pulling up my news app. I scroll around for a little while.

“I’m not seeing…” I gasp as an article pops up. “What?”

BTS now owns 33.33% of Bighit Entertainment - what this means for the future of Bighit and K-pop

“You...you freaking own part of Bighit?!”

Hobi laughs, scooting closer. “Well, kind of. With the other guys. Together we own one third. Kind of cool, right?”

I look at him, utterly shocked. “How long have you known about this?”

He shrugs. “Let’s see...today is October 15th…” he starts counting on his fingers, but my mind is elsewhere.

“Wait. That’s what you said, back in April.”

He blinks at me. “Said what?”

“When you came to Busan! You said something about October 15th...was this it?”

With his heart-shaped smile, Hobi laughs. “Yeah, this was it. Remember how I kept telling you that we wouldn’t have to hide forever? You wonder why Bang PD hasn’t made us break up when he found out about us?”

I stare at the man beside me, my mind going a million miles an hour. “What are you saying?”

Hobi stands up, pulling me up with him. “Come on.” He leads me out the door, taking me to the elevator. “We own a chunk of the company down, so technically, if I were to, say, get all the boys on board with the idea of us, we could possibly convince the CEO of said company to shift a few things around on your contract.”

The doors of the elevator open, Hobi tugging me inside. He punches some buttons, but I keep staring at him like he just offered to fly me to the moon.

“So anyway, that’s where I’ve been the past week or so. Negotiating some terms with Bang PD and convincing the boys to back me up. Now today is the big day.”

The doors open up, revealing us to be on Bang PD’s floor. Pulling me along like an excited school-boy, Hobi throws open the door to find Bang PD sitting behind his desk. He hardly looks up at us, simply pushing a packet across the desk closer to us. Hobi grabs it, extending it to me.

“Here. Your new contract. It’s mainly the same as before except now…” Hobi takes this time to get a little embarrassed, a faint blush dusting his cheeks. “Now, we don’t have to worry about hiding. Not anymore.”

My eyes are glued to his face, still in shock at the sudden turn of events. “You...you did all of this?”

Hobi nods, chewing the inside of his cheek. “Yes. Of course I did.” He laughs to himself. “You have this strange idea of where you should be. You thought that you had to stay away from me even when I was practically throwing myself at your feet,” I cringe at the memory, “and then you thought you should move to Busan just to keep me safe.”

Hobi glances at Bang PD who’s pretending that he can’t hear us. Taking a pen from the desk, Hobi pulls me back out into the hallway. When he sees that it’s bustling with activity, he leads me to the stairwell beside the elevator.

“I think what I’m trying to say is that...that you should be here. With me. Through it all, we should be together. Because we love each other, don’t we? And we’re a mess and we’ve put each other through too much heartache to be good, but I love you. And I think that maybe part of love is walking away when it’s to save the other, but love is also running after each other and never giving up. So that’s what I’ve been doing. Running after this,” he holds up the contract, shaking it in the air with disdain. “Because you deserve to choose for once. You deserve to be where you want to be. I just really, really hope it’s with me. Because if it isn’t...then that just made this whole speech so much cringier.”

By the time he finishes, I’ve already made my decision. In fact, I think I made my decision nearly two years ago.

“In what world would I not choose you?” I ask incredulously. “Hoseok, is this real? No more hiding?”

Hobi smiles in relief. “It’s real. I have it in writing.”

I grab the contract, chuckling. “Does it say something in the fine print about loving you forever or else you’ll sue me?”

Hobi stands beside me, planting a kiss on my temple. “Of course it does, I have to protect my heart somehow.”

I extend my hand out to him, looking into the face that I’ve come to love so dearly. I’m not sure if I deserve him, still. I’m afraid that I’ve put him through too much pain.

How can one still love so fully even after having their heart broken over and over again by the same person?

Perhaps it’s time I learn to forgive myself the way that he’s forgiven me.

I think I would like that. A fresh start, by Hoseok’s side.

“Pen, please.”

Fin.

--

main masterlist || Help support me? ko-fi

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taglist: @taylorroe3​ @dreamcatcherjiah @diorhoba @eusticenatalie @ddaeng-i-need-help

#jhope x oc #hobi x oc #bts x oc #so many feelings #bts series #jhope series #jhope fluff #jhope angst #jhope snapped #bts fanfic #bts writer #bts sm au #jung hoseok #bts x army #thank you for reading

[henryandalex]

***Magnus and Alec are husbands. Yes, this needed to be said because CAN YOU BELIEVE? :’) But also, yes, it’s really been that long since the latest Malec fic rec. I’m sorry. It’s... yeah. Although if you also miss Malec every second of every day, reading fanfics at least helps a little. 

I tried to collect a nice mix again so I hope you will enjoy this 9th (!!!) edition of my Malec fanfic rec posts. As usual, I enjoy making them and rec’ing you fics but these posts take a looooot of time so please, please, please reblog, like and spread the word so that I see you enjoy these and these posts are helpful. It motivates to do a new one in the future if y’all are interested. Thank you

And now, have fun discovering, reading, and loving those Malec fics. And leave a kudo and comment for those authors while you’re on it. We all love appreciation and need validation. :)***

previous Malec fic recs:             1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8

---

42 NORTH 71 WEST by @lecrit​ [ M | AU | 62.1k | complete ]

Alec sometimes wonders why he ever decided to pursue a career in politics. Magnus sometimes questions whether pursuing his dream of becoming an actor was worth it.

Those two facts are not necessarily mutually exclusive.

THE SHOW MUST GO ON by @unrestrainedlyexcessive [ E | AU | 21.3k | complete ]

Alec pulls up to the gold intercom positioned at the enormous front gates. Like everything owned by the obscenely wealthy, they’re proportioned for both for giants and giant egos.

He’d hoped this would be easier, less gut-churning work than protecting diplomats and foreign dignitaries, some guilty of truly terrible things, but being a bodyguard for a coddled popstar who can’t even be bothered with basic safety isn’t his idea of a good time.

---

Magnus is a popstar and Alec is his reluctant bodyguard. The bodyguard au in epistolary form. Image-heavy.

HIGHER THAN THE BIG TREES by @carmenlire​​ [ E | AU | 242k | complete ]

Alec loves his job. He’s been touring since he was sixteen. He’s stayed in dozens of countries over the years, learned enough of their languages to get a beer in his hand and a man in his bed. The road is as much his home as the townhouse on the Upper West Side. He’s as comfortable in cheap hotel rooms with scratchy linens and glaring lights as he is in his penthouse that overlooks Central Park with its silk sheets and the constant hum of the city that never sleeps. Alec works hard and that hard work has paid off. He just finished his latest sold-out world tour and by all rights, he should be on top of the world. But the mental pressure of celebrity is getting to Alec and he doesn't trust his footing. He's stuck where most people would kill to be and he just wants to know what his next move should be. Enter Magnus Bane. A history professor at Columbia University, Magnus is content with his friends, his classes, and the occasional warm body in his bed. But he's been feeling stagnant, looking for the next chapter in his life to begin. If only he knew what Alec would bring his way.

THE SECRET OF THE SECRET SANTA by @notcrypticbutcoy​​ [ T | AU | 12.7k | complete ]

As busy doctors with busy schedules, Magnus and Alec have danced around their feelings for each other for years, much to the chagrin of their friends. This Christmas, Simon decides it’s time for an intervention-in the form of a shamelessly rigged secret santa.

Or: In which Simon rigs the secret santa, Magnus and Alec flirt over nerdy doctor things, and are both a little bit oblivious.

RUMOR HAS IT by @lecrit​​ [ M | AU | 12.9k | complete ]

Magnus widens his eyes at him, silently asking him to just give him this one. Alec simply curves one of his stupidly perfect eyebrows in response, a simple gesture that carries the weight of a call for challenge. “Looks like you’re gonna have to postpone your wedding for now,” Maia giggles next to him. Magnus huffs, flexing his jaw. “Oh, it’s on, Lightwood,” he mouths at him.

.

Or the one where Alec and Magnus are both after the same guy, but end up falling for each other instead.

CIGARETTE by j__writes [ T | AU | 3.1k | complete ]

His relationship with Magnus Bane had been nothing short of frustrating.

Frustrating in the worst of ways. Frustrating in the best of ways.

ABSOLUTELY ABYSMAL by @aemiliafawn​ [ E | 4.8k | complete ]

The first time Alec sees Magnus wearing lipstick he wants to do filthy things to him. Magnus isn't exactly opposed to this.

A ROYAL AFFAIR by j__writes [ M | AU | 38.8k | complete ]

Prince meets professor and it's love at first sight. Lucky (or maybe unlucky) for him, the beautiful professor doesn't know his boyfriend's a prince.

HEAVEN IS A TASTE ON EARTH by @alittlebriton​ [ T | AU | 20.7k | complete ]

Making a birthday cake for the renowned chef Magnus Bane is a hard enough task – made harder still by the fact his girlfriend doesn’t seem to know Magnus’ likes or dislikes at all. Alec Lightwood, maker of some of the finest cakes in Brooklyn, is up to the challenge, even if he can’t take his eyes off the birthday boy. But as Alec and Magnus grow closer, could it be that the missing ingredient is true love?

LOVE & OTHER DRUGS by @la-muerta​ [ E | AU | 2k | complete | Semi-Charmed Kind Of Life #1 ]

Rising rockstar Magnus Bane’s life is all about sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll - it's an old cliché, but sometimes the clichés are true. And Alec Lightwood, a bassist from another band, is a drug Magnus can't get enough of - even if he knows that like any drug, he's sinking deeper with every hit he takes, and that this is killing him slowly and painfully.

Because this is just about sex, and Alexander doesn't love him back.

OUR LOVE IS A HARSH CHORD by @la-muerta​​ [ E | AU | 21.9k | complete | Semi-Charmed Kind Of Life #2 ]

Magnus lives in two worlds: one of blinding stage lights and the thunder of the adoring crowd stomping its feet to the rhythm of his music; and one of the darkness offstage, a blur of lonely hotel rooms, one-night stands, drugs, and the sting of whiskey.

Magnus lives in two worlds, both of them stark, bleak, empty - until Alec Lightwood comes along, and everything falls apart.

MELTING MOLTEN by @raininginadelaide​​ [ E | 4k | complete ]

The training scene in the show was their second attempt. The first time, Alec showed even less restraint.

SUPPORT SYSTEM by @bytheangell​​ [ T | AU | 122.8k | complete | Support System #1 ]

When Alec's favorite show gets cancelled and he takes to messaging customer service repeatedly to show his support, he doesn't expect to connect so well with the support representative he keeps getting paired off with.

PAGING DR. LIGHTWOOD-BANE by @carmenlire​​ [ not rated | AU | 4.4k | complete ]

Alec scowls. “I’m not on rotation this weekend-- I’m not even on call-- and we decided to make the most out of it.”

“We,” Maia asks, brows inching towards her hair line. “Who’s we?”

“My husband and I,” he mutters and he rolls his eyes as it's like a bomb’s been detonated in the middle of the table.

Simon screeches, “What,” and even Jace and Isabelle are looking at him with wide eyes.

“You’re married?”

Or, the one where everybody finds out

TRUTH OR DARE? by @atowncalledmalec​​ [ E | AU | 4.5k | complete ]

Two small-town cops, partners, Alec Lightwood and Magnus Bane, have somehow pulled desk duty on the graveyard shift. Bored out of their minds and finding a lie detector machine, the chance of winning a $50 bet and being able to ask the questions they've always wanted to ask is too good of an opportunity to pass up. Alec gets a little more than he bargained for though when the machine betrays him at every turn. And so does Magnus.

EVERYTHING I DIDN’T KNOW I WANTED FOR CHRISTMAS by @la-muerta​​ [ T | AU | 4.5k | complete ]

Alec got his Christmas shopping done months ago - but he should have known that Jace would mess it all up for him. Now he's out braving the crowds on Christmas Eve trying to find a toy that's sold out everywhere for his son, and as it turns out, he's not the only desperate single father out there who will stop at nothing to get his hands on that last toy in the shops.

CERTAIN PERKS by quill_and_ink [ E | 5.5k | complete ]

"You never have to prove yourself to me."

Shadowhunters are being murdered and mutilated. The Clave is getting desperate to find the culprit, but Alec has to believe there's another way. He won't let this end his relationship with Magnus - he refuses to accept that, and he'll do whatever he can to protect them.

Based on the dialogue and actions from "Shadowhunters" Episode 2x13: "Those of Demon Blood"

THE TRUTH UNTOLD by @carmenlire​ [ not rated | 4.4k | complete ]

Magnus closes his eyes and leans into the feelings that wrap around him. They’re two of the most powerful men in the New York shadow world. It makes his chest ache sometimes, the knowledge that they may never be able to take their relationship public, that he won’t ever be able to kiss Alec on a sunny day in the city, that they can’t hold hands as they walk through Central Park, that whenever they do see each other in public it’s always in an official capacity and they’re relegated to formal greetings while their eyes try to say everything they can’t.

He’d still take this over not having Alec, though. That Magnus knows without a doubt.

ANYTHING YOU SAY by @milominderbindered​​ [ M | AU | 117k | complete ]

Detective Alec Lightwood likes his job. He likes the order of it, likes helping people, likes that he gets to work with Jace and that Izzy is always right downstairs in the morgue too. He's wanted to be a cop ever since he was a kid, just like his parents before him, and now he's living that dream. His life should be perfect.

There's just one problem. Their precinct has just gotten a new forensic expert -- Magnus Bane.

And honestly, he's so cute that Alec's kind of losing his mind.

EMISSARY OF SIN by @insiemes​​ [ M | AU | 97.6k | complete ]

Alec Lightwood, the Clave's top protection agent, is called upon to guard the life of his mortal enemy - one of the world's most notorious hitmen, Magnus Bane.

SHOOT TO KISS by @dantes-wombat​​ [ M | 5k | complete ]

As far as dates go, this one's a bit more weapons-centered than Magnus expected - but also a lot sexier.

IF YOU’VE GOT THE MONEY, I’VE GOT THE TIME by j__writes [ T | AU | 73.4k | complete ]

Alec has made plenty of questionable choices, as Izzy likes to so kindly remind him. Asking Magnus to be his fake boyfriend and then offering to pay him? That, right there, he doesn’t know what the fuck he was thinking. And he wasn’t. But Magnus is really nice and really fucking hot, and if Alec gets to pretend to be his boyfriend then… win - win, right?

ANONYMOROUS by @superficialpeasant​​ [ E | AU | 10.6k | complete ]

When one of Clary’s art exhibition performers drops out last minute, Alec steps in to help. Unfortunately that also means he’ll be having sex with a stranger in public.

DATE NIGHT by @unrestrainedlyexcessive [ G | 562 | complete ]

“Look, it’s no big deal,” Alec says. “The angles in pool are just like archery. I have a natural advantage.”

“Pretty sure I beat you the first time we played,” Magnus says, taking a sip of his martini. He couldn’t remember ever feeling so relaxed, so at home in a relationship.

That is, until Alec started winning.

HARDER THAN THE LIQUOR I POUR by @carmenlire​​ [ not rated | AU | 6.5k | complete ]

The bartender considers him for a moment before holding out the hand that was over his just a second before. “I’m Magnus, bartender extraordinaire. While I certainly wouldn’t mind calling you pretty boy for the rest of the evening, I think it only fair that you share your name, too. Don’t you?”

Slowly, Alec reaches out and grasps Magnus’s hand in a poor imitation of a handshake. He meets Magnus’s eyes and knows they both know that this is a mere prelude for what’s to come.

“Alec,” he says slowly and watches as Magnus’s smile deepens.

“Well, Alec, my shift ends in an hour. Wait for me?”

CREAM by @ohfreckle​​ [ E | 3.4k | complete ]

Sometimes Magnus likes to wear panties.

“Are you kidding? You look amazing!” Alec wishes he were more eloquent, that he could miraculously find the words and praise to express how fucking hot Magnus is with his little panties on.

SAY IT by @ilovealeclightwood​​ [ E | 4k | complete ]

“I want you,” Magnus pressed his lips to Alec’s neck, the sensation of his lips against the deflect rune making Alec shudder again.

“To admit,” Magnus continued, pausing to run his tongue over the length of the rune, sending sparks of pleasure through Alec and making him try to jerk his hips up again.

“That I was right.” Magnus pulled away from his neck to look down at him and it took a second for what he meant to click with Alec.

---

Or, Magnus and Alec solve petty arguments in a sensable, responsible manner

ALL NIGHT (OR A HUNDRED YEARS) by @hourglassmermaid​​ [ T | 4.3k | complete ]

“Get your mind out of the gutter, Raphael,” Magnus chastises. “You know I take care of my friends.”

Friends. The word stings more than kuri venom; it lingers far longer than any demon attack ever could. It lingers in Alec’s mind when he’s tossing and turning at night imagining what they could have been if Alec hadn’t been such a coward all those years ago. It lingers in his heart whenever they’re alone, and Alec swears he sees a glimmer of those feelings Magnus must have buried long ago. And it lingers in his soul whenever they work together as allies, as leaders, as partners, because they really are compatible in all the ways that count.

But none of that matters, because they’re just friends.

---

Alec and Magnus are colleagues — maybe even friends. Definitely allies. Alec's content, with his life, his career, and even his (lack of) relationships, but sometimes when Magnus sits beside him, Alec may or may not cease to function. It's okay; he's okay.

I SAW PAPA KISSING SANTA CLAUS by j__writes [ G | AU | 3.3k | complete ]

“I heard a noise and so I snuck out. He didn’t see me but I saw him. I saw Santa and then I saw Papa and he kissed Santa, Raf.”

LIKE NOBODY ELSE by @carmenlire​​ [ not rated | AU | 3.7k | complete ]

Simon’s been Alec’s assistant for the past three years. Alec was a hard ass, no doubt about it. He had exacting standards, a perpetually sardonic expression, and Simon had literally never seen the man smile.

Lightwood had exploded onto the scene ten years ago and in that time, he’s made a name for himself that no one else could rival. He might not be well liked but everyone-- even his enemies-- respected Lightwood.

Or, Simon is Alec's secretary and doesn't realize just how little he knows about his boss until he solves a mystery.

SEXY SNAPSHOTS by @tobythewise​​​ [ E | AU | 2.8k | complete ]

“Anything interesting on there?” Alec asks, a teasing note in his voice as he nods at the camera. “Anything sexy?" “Not at the moment.” Magnus raises his brow. “Wanna change that?” OR The one where Magnus and Alec explore what it's like to have sexy times while snapping sexy pictures of each other.

PUNDAMENTALS OF OFFICE RIVALRY by @bytheangell​​ [ T | AU | 3.8k | complete ]

When Magnus and Alexander get off on the wrong foot at the start of their internship, Magnus takes it upon himself to annoy Alec at every turn.

WORSE THINGS THAN BEING IN LOVE by @aemiliafawn​​ [ E | 4.6k | complete ]

Their wedding was everything they had ever dared to dream of. But perhaps their wedding night was just as special.

CRYPTIDS OF BROOKLYN by @alexanderlightweight​​ [ M | AU | 2.3k | complete ]

For all the rather redundant and overused jokes made about lawyers and sharks, never was such a comparison or joke made concerning Alec Lightwood, as there was one glaring difference between the two ruthless predators.

Sharks smiled, Alec Lightwood didn’t.

ZERO COMPLAINTS by @aemiliafawn​ [ E | 3.3k | complete ]

Usually when someone wakes Magnus up before sunrise they'd have to face his wrath – however since Alec decides to make it actually worthwhile for the exhausted warlock, Magnus finds he doesn't mind making an exception just once.

HAHA JUST KIDDING... UNLESS? by @carmenlire​​ [ not rated | AU | 2.5k | complete ]

"You know Magnus wouldn’t joke about boning his best friend just to do it. You mean too much to him and we all know how gone you’ve been over Magnus since, like, eighth grade.”

Alec sighs and it feels like the weight of the world is on his shoulders. “I can’t get my hopes up, Jace. I’ve been in love with him for years but he doesn’t feel the same way.”

Groaning like they’ve gone around the block about this a thousand times-- because they have-- Jace facepalms. “How many times do I have to tell you-- Magnus feels what you feel but you’re both too stupid to get past your own hang-ups to talk about it.”

TAKE IT EASY by @la-muerta​ [ E | AU | 18.2k | complete ]

Alec signs up for a session with a professional male dominant, just a one-time thing to satisfy his curiosity. It most definitely doesn't end up being just a one-time thing.

THE LONELY HEARTS HOTLINE by @unrestrainedlyexcessive [ E | AU | 40.6k | complete ]

“Hey there,” Alec says in the lowest, sexiest voice he can manage. It sounds vaguely disinterested but some people get off on that.

“Hi,” the voice says.

“Ready to have some fun?”

The voice makes a small, sad noise.

“Or not?” Alec tries hastily. He gets paid regardless of what they're talking about. “We can just chat for a while.”

“What’s your name,” the voice says finally.

“Uh, Chad,” Alec says. He was drunk when he picked his name, just as he was drunk when he answered the job wanted ad. He should have picked something sexy like Tristan, but he’s forever Chad now, the douchiest phone sex operator in history. He balances his bowl of macaroni carefully on his stomach and sneaks a quick bite.

“You don’t sound like a Chad,” the voice says doubtfully.

“Why the hell not?” Alec says before he can stop himself, mouth full of pasta.

“--are you eating?”

“No,” Alec lies and swallows.

---

Alec is a bored phone sex operator. Bafflingly, Magnus just wants to talk about music.

BRIGHT LIGHTS, SMALL TOWN by @lecrit​​ [ E | AU | 104.3k | complete | To Build A Home #1 ]

When Magnus gets to Nashville, Indiana to handle his late mother's will, he doesn't expect to be forced to stay there for six months. Six months away from New York and lost in the wildness of the countryside.

It quickly appears that he is going to go through six months of living hell.

The fact that he hates the local veterinarian on sight isn't helping.

BRIGHT LIGHTS, SMALL TOWN: EXTRAS by @lecrit​​​ [ E | AU | 12.6k | complete | To Build A Home #2 ]

A combination of extras for Bright Lights, Small Town.

EARTH’S MIGHTIEST HEROES by @lecrit​​​ [ M | AU | 141.9k | complete | Avengers Assemble #3 ]

The thing is… Their plans have a history of not going accordingly so when they finally do, maybe they build a confidence a bit too quickly. Breaking Magnus out turns out to be indeed a formality. Selling the ruby, too. So what could possibly go wrong now?

In which our team of misfits has to deal with the consequences of messing with a dangerous man and again, everything goes according to plan. Or not.

COLOR ME BLUE by @carmenlire​​ [ not rated | AU | 18.8k | complete ]

Christmas is his favorite time of the year but Alec has barely had time to buy presents let alone enjoy the holiday season. December seems to have lasted the blink of an eye and Alec's shoulders hunch as he realizes morosely that most of this year is a blur of emergencies and rounds and consultations.

His gaze snags on a bakery display as he walks past. The window is dressed with multicolored lights and garland wrapping around the edges. The display case is full and Alec’s mouth waters just at the sight.

Without conscious thought, Alec is reaching for the door to Bane's Bakery, eager to see if the interior is just as whimsical and welcoming as the outside.

#malec #malec fic #malec fic rec #malec fanfic #shadowhunters #fic rec #fanfic #otp: look what i have waiting for me

[vapaus-ystavyys-tasaarvo]

On Sad Loudhailer Guy from the 2012 movie

So apparently there’s an old post about this guy doing the rounds now where people try to defend him because... he looks sad?

The original poster’s blog has unfortunately been deactivated and Tumblr seems to be glitching out when I try to reblog it indirectly for some reason so I’m just gonna make my own post. Here’s a link to a reblog of the original. I’m responding more to the OP than that reblog but like I said, the original url is deactivated so I can’t even link to it.

Okay, this portrayal is obviously unique to the 2012 movie so I'm not going to bother talking about his counterparts in the Brick, in the stage musical or in real life. Also I have nothing against Hadley Fraser, all I know about him is that he was a pretty good Grantaire in the 25th anniversary concert.

That said, here are my issues with this post:

1) If you don't like watching children being murdered, DON'T MURDER CHILDREN.

Seriously, who's forcing him to kill Gavroche? And even if there was a gun to his head, saying he must kill this literal child, he still shouldn't kill a literal child. But there wasn’t and this was 100% unnecessary. He made that choice. He could have told his men to hold their fire or even just given a few warning shots and left it at that.

The post seems to imply that Gavroche just had to be killed, which... yikes.

2) If he's so upset about having to kill the students, why didn't he take Enjolras and Grantaire as prisoners?

They were unarmed captives, there was absolutely no reason to execute them. They should have been arrested and given a trial.

National Guards killing their prisoners IS historically accurate but they didn't do it because they were ordered to, they did it for revenge and for fun. Infantry officers, who were apparently less bloodthirsty, had to stop them from killing all of the prisoners at Saint-Merry.

3) The fall of the barricade wasn’t inevitable from the start.

There was literally no way this guy could have known for sure that the revolution would fail. There was nothing inevitable about it when Sad Loudhailer Guy first arrived at the barricade. It had literally just started! If this guy didn't want the revolutionaries to be killed, he didn't have to actively fight to destroy their chances. He didn’t just show up when the fight was nearly over and there was nothing he could do, he was right there fighting them from the beginning!

There were officers in real life who did actually negotiate with the insurgents and did in fact leave them alone at least in the beginning of the insurrection, just to wait and see. As far as I know they weren’t even punished for this.

He could have even, you know, defected and joined the insurgents if he really admired them so much. Several national guards did do that! But this guy chose his side. He isn't willing to die fighting for the republic but he sure is willing to risk his life fighting for the king, apparently!

4) Are you SURE about that firing squad bit, though?

So I can't say I know exactly what would happen to a National Guard officer who refused to follow orders. But based on what I DO know I find the idea that they'd just be straight up executed for that really unlikely.

The National Guard was a citizen militia, technically including all male citizens between 20 and 60 years old but most of the population would in fact be part of the reserve. Those drafted to active service were mostly wealthy middle-class men who had the leisure time to participate and the means to equip themselves. Refusing to serve would result in a few days in jail – which isn't great, don't get me wrong, but it's actually a lot less than you'd get for dodging the draft right now in my home country for example.

The National Guard was also known for being a decisive force in revolutions, losing their support would be horrible news to a government. So I feel like executing them for simply failing to follow an order would probably be a baaad political move from the king.

I also really feel like with the decent amount of research I've done concerning the aftermath of the June Uprising, I should have run into at least SOME accounts of this happening if it really was the case. And I've seen nothing. Maybe I just haven't done enough research but I'd definitely like to have a source on execution being a real threat (just for refusing to slaughter your own countrymen!) before leaping to conclusions.

I mean unless you just prefer to decide that the 2012 movie takes place in an alternate universe where this was the case, just so you can feel bad for this guy... well have at it, but that's YOUR headcanon and you don't get to shame people for justifiably hating a child murderer.

Also I'd hope that by now we knew better than to repeat the "just following orders" rhetoric.

Yes, people who do terrible things are people too. That doesn’t make them less terrible. And yes, I like having moral greyness in my fiction too. It’s okay to appreciate a morally grey character without having to justify it by “proving” that said character is actually a good person. It’s okay to have problematic faves.

TL;DR: Sad Loudhailer Guy wasn’t some kind of victim of circumstances. He had a choice and he chose to participate in repressing the uprising and to shoot a child and to kill unarmed prisoners. Nobody forced him to do those things. It doesn’t matter how he felt about it, actions matter more than feelings.

Sorry about the salt, my patience for these kind of arguments is just entirely spent at this point.

#les mis 2012 #yes i know he doesn't have a loudhailer in the movie #it's just easier to call him that #also full disclosure: #even though i said i appreciate grey characters #i actually can't stand this guy #mostly because he represent real historical people #but in a massively inaccurate way #these people were absolute bastards in real life

[summahsunlight]

Worth the Risk, Part 8

Rating: Mature(18+only)

Word Count: 1881

Pairing: Army Pilot!Poe Dameron x Nurse!Reader (1940s AU)

Summary: It’s the 1940s, Army pilot and Captain Poe Dameron is flying on missions for the United States Army in Europe.  After being shot down off the coast of France, Poe wakes up in an Army hospital in England, to find you, a nurse, taking care of him. Throughout the process of his recovery, Poe finds himself falling for you, and even though you, for the most part, maintain a professional relationship with him–you’re falling for him as well. Both of you know the risks of falling in love during a war, but then again, both of you have never cared much for being cautious.

Warnings:  Angst, swearing, Ben Solo makes a cameo appearance

Taglist: @fanfic-addict-98, @thescarletknight2014, @blushingwueen, @americasass-romanoff, @ginger-swag-rapunzel​, @spider-starry​, @totelpoedameron​, @captain-america5​, @liadamerondjarin​, @m1rkw00dpr1ncess​

Taglist is still open! Let me know if you would like to be added☺️This time Reader is played by Haley Atwell. As always, likes, asks, comments, and reblogs are appreciated. I love to hear your thoughts, so please don’t be shy❤️

Three weeks had passed since Poe rejoined the Army, but to you it felt more like a lifetime. You hadn’t heard from him since he left and you suspected you wouldn’t hear from him for a while; the mail was incredibly slow during war. Never-the-less, you checked each day to see if Poe had sent you a letter--in between preparing your unit of nurses for deployment. 

Hux was even more prickly than normal. Many of the nurses stayed clear of him, but you, being in charge of the nurses had to deal with him on a daily basis. You dealt with it though because you wanted your nurses to be prepared for the mission to France. Everyone was anxious and on edge-- Hux were just being downright cruel. 

You tolerated it because you were afraid if you said anything, Hux would inform the Army of your relationship with Poe and ship you back to America. You were more helpful here in Europe--so you kept your mouth shut. And when you knew Hux wasn’t around, you would take out the photograph you had of Poe and look at it, longingly. 

There was a void inside your soul without Poe around. You missed his arms around you, you missed the way he would gently kiss your nose when he thought you were being adorable; you missed his hand in yours as you walked around the hospital grounds. All you could do for now was pray that he was safe and that he stayed safe in the coming days. 

It was that night, you got your first letter from Poe. Locking yourself in your room, you read it, holding tightly to the photograph of Poe you kept with you at all times.

May 16, 1944

My darling, I miss you more than words can say. Being back at the barracks, with my boys is surreal. It was like being with you was a dream that I was forced to wake up from I know that this is where I need to be, that my country needs me to fight the tyranny that is Germany--but my heart just longs to be with you.

The boys keep making fun of me, of course. It’s all in good nature. I don’t mind it, really. They need an outlet, they need an escape from the hell that our lives have become since entering this war. Although, I did threaten Arana I was going to tell lies about him so you wouldn’t want to set him up with any of your friends. For now, that seems to have shut him up. I know that they mean and everyone is on edge with the talk of invading Normandy.

I keep hearing that the next mission might be the most important one we’ve undertaken to date. Some are saying that it we take Normandy, we’ll win the war. God, I hope they are right. I’m so tired of fighting in this war, sweetheart. I just want to go home--I want to take you home with me to meet my father. I think he’d loved you. Actually, I know he would love you.

Stay strong, love. I know I don’t have to say it to you because you are the strongest person I know, but it never hurts to hear it. I love you, I love you so much. One day, we’ll be together again. 

All my heart,

Poe

You closed your eyes, feeling the tears slip down your cheeks. Absentmindedly your fingers reached up to the chain around your neck and slid down to find the ring hanging off the end. It might be days before you heard any news on Poe and if he had survived the invasion. 

Finding some paper, you wrote back to him. Unlike Poe, you were able to let him know what was going on, that your unit was going to be deployed to France once the beaches of Normandy were secure. Of course, you understood that those words held a false sense of security. Enemy forces could still attack while your unit was treating wounded there. It was much more dangerous being on the frontlines than in a hospital, but for some men, medics and nurses on the frontlines were the best hope for survival.

It’s quiet here without you, my love. Please stay safe for me. I love you so, so, so much. You pressed your lips to the paper, leaving a perfect red impression of your lips there. Come back to me, Poe. 

Placing your letter in an envelope, you addressed it to him and put it down on your desk to mail in the morning.

Folding his letter up, you placed it in the jewelry box that you kept his photo in at night, along with some dried up flowers he had given you. Snapping the lid shut, you hugged the box to your chest. You had gone to church every Sunday with your parents as a child, but after everything you had seen you constantly questioned the existence of God. If he was there, if he was listening, then you prayed to him that he’d keep your pilot safe.

“Y/N?” Rey’s voice said on the other side of your door. “Are you in there?”

“Yes!” you called, putting the box down and wiping your tears.

“Can I come in?” “Yes, it’s unlocked.”

Rey stepped into your room. She gave you a sad look, like she knew you had been reading Poe’s letter and missing him. “I doubled checked all our supplies; we’re ready to leave when the Army gives us the okay.”

Slowly you nodded. “Listen, Rey,” you said, softly, unable to look her in the eyes. “I think you’re a wonderful nurse, but the Army is only sending my enlisted unit. I’m sorry for not telling you sooner, but I just found out. Hux informed me. Only enlisted nurses are going to the front lines, not civilian ones.”

Her eyes flashed with anger. “But I want to help! I can’t go just because I’m not a member of the U.S Army?”

“It’s not like you won’t be needed here.”

“But I want to go with you and Jessika; I want to go with my friends.”

“Please, Rey, don’t make this harder...”

“I thought you trusted me?”

You sighed and closed your eyes. “I do Rey, but you’re a civilian nurse; you didn't sign up for the dangers of treating the wounded on the frontlines.”

Rey glared at you, furiously, before opening your door and slamming it shut in your face. You were left standing in your room, fists clenched, and hating yourself for how you had told her. You should have told her the moment you found out but you knew she’d be angry. She was passionate about helping, but because she was a civilian she wasn’t going to be allowed to go to the frontlines.

Part of you was happy about this. Rey was nineteen. She shouldn’t be going to the frontlines. There were already enough young men her age dying, you hated to think about the same happening to Rey.

That night you night you fell asleep, crying; crying over how far away Poe was, crying for Rey and crying because you knew the horrific future that was a head of you when you left for France.

----

“Dameron, wake up,” Snap said, shaking him.

“What’s going on?” Poe mumbled, opening his eyes. 

“Time to go.”

Poe quickly got out of bed. His crew had been preparing for this mission for the last three weeks. Looking at maps, training runs--but the day had finally arrived. June 5, 1944.  There mission was to fly paratroopers to a drop sight in Normandy over night, so the troops could be begin securing important locations prior to the invasion beginning in the morning. It had already been delayed a day, so Poe and the rest of his crew had been catching up on sleep in anticipation of flying overnight.

Slipping into his leather flight jacket, Poe followed Snap outside of the barracks towards the planes being fueled up for their trip. The captain of the paratrooper until that they were in charge of flying to Normandy stepped forward. “You the pilot?”

Nodding, Poe glanced at the boys loading his plane. Lord, some of them couldn’t be more than eighteen, nineteen years old. “I am. Captain Poe Dameron,” he said, introducing himself. “Welcome aboard my crew.”

“Captain Ben Solo,” the other man said, shaking his hand. “Get us to Normandy, Dameron, and you have a friend for life in us.”

“Gonna do my best,” Poe said, firmly. “I can’t promise a smooth ride; weather hasn’t been great over France the last few days--but I’ll get you there.”

Solo gave him a soft grin before boarding the plane himself. Snap glanced at Poe with a shake of his head. “And they say we’re the crazy ones for flying--what possess a man to strap a parachute on and willingly jump from a moving plane?”

Poe laughed and pat his friend on the back. He climbed into the cockpit of their C-47. His crew consisted of Snap, Iolo and a their radio operative, a young man from Oklahoma that Snap had affectionately nicknamed kid. “Ready?” he asked his crew.

Snap gave him a thumbs up. “Ready as I’ll ever be.”

Arana chimed in, “Let’s go leave the German’s a little surprise, shall we?”

His radio operative nodded and said he was just waiting to hear the word that they were given clearance to take-off.

Grinning, Poe started the plane up. He touched the photograph of you he had taped to his panels. He took a deep breath. This was his first mission since the crash and he felt butterflies in his stomach. If he crashed this time, there was so much more at stake--his crew, the paratroopers--you. He couldn’t fail. “Sweetheart,” he whispered to your photograph. “I love you. This is for you.”

“You alright, Dameron?” Snap asked, noticing his eyes on your photo.

“Yeah. Just hope I see her again,” Poe sighed.

“Hey, you will.”

“Wish I had your faith, Snap.”

“I have to tell myself that every time I get in the cockpit--that I will see Karé again. Otherwise, I’m scared shitless about what’s to come.” 

“Even if I think I’ll see her again, I’m still scared shitless, Snap. This invasion is going to make or break our chances for victory. And if we don’t win--I don’t want to think about what happens if we don’t win.”

Snap was silent. The truth was that he had the same fears as Poe. He gave the younger man a long, sad look before patting Poe confidently on the shoulder. 

Poe set his jaw. Yes, he was terrified, but he knew that they had a job to do. Glancing around at his crew, they were depending on him to get them back to the barracks safely. And the paratroopers, they were depending on this crew to pull through and get them to Normandy. 

The world was depending on them.

“Captain,” the radio operative said, “we’ve been given permission to take off.”

“Alright boys,” Poe said as he eased the plane onto the runway, “Let’s do this.”

#my writing #poe dameron #poe dameron fanfiction #poe dameron x reader #poe dameron imagine #star wars fanfiction #star wars imagine #worth the risk #100 followers celebration

[oliviastan17]

Just a dream (6/7)

Warnings: this is really fluffy, I wouldn’t call it smut but it’s more than a mention of sex, pregnancy and childbirth (nothing graphic), language, 18+

Length: 3.7k

A/N: Part 7 is coming but I think it’s the last one because I haven’t had a dream continuing this series in a while. I’m working on writing out a one shot dream I had though so look for that. And I never know, that one shot could turn into another series. DO NOT POST ON ANY OTHER WEBSITE! Reblog and leave comments and all that good stuff!

———–

You were 35 weeks pregnant now. Your mom had called saying that she decided she wanted to throw you a baby shower. She was always doing things last minute and if she had called one week later you wouldn’t have been able to fly out there. You hadn’t seen a lot of your family in a while. Your brother had flown out once with his kids and your mom. You and Sebastian had gone back for Harper’s birthday. You were really looking forward to going home.

Your flight got in late so you and Sebastian went straight to the hotel. While you got in the shower he ordered room service so it was waiting for you when you got out.

“You are the best. Seriously, what did I do to deserve you?” you asked while climbing awkwardly onto the bed. It was getting difficult to move.

He just smiled and brought you a plate with a cover still on top as you leaned back on the headboard. You placed a pillow on your lap and the plate on top of it. He kissed you before turning back to grab another plate. You took the top off the one in your lap and you froze.

“Um…this isn’t what I was expecting,” you said darting your eyes to look at Sebastian who was walking back towards you.

He smiled as he kneeled by the side of the bed and reached for the ring box that was where you expected to see your dinner.

“You know, I’ve wanted to do this for a while but I wanted to wait until we’d be around your family. I know your mom was bummed when she couldn’t hug you and celebrate when we told her about the baby,” he said taking your hand. “Y/n, I love you with every ounce of my being. Nothing would make me happier than spending the rest of my life showing you how much I love you. Will you marry me?” he asked opening the box.

You were too busy staring in his eyes to even look at the ring.

“Oh, babe! Of course I will!” you said smiling and leaning in to grab his chin and pulled his lips up to yours.

After he put the ring on your finger you grabbed his face and brought it to yours to kiss him over and over. As he hugged you, you brought your hand up to look at the ring on your finger.

“Holy shit!”

He pulled away and saw you looking at the ring. It was a princess cut diamond (2 carats at least) with small diamonds around the band. It was beautiful.

“You did good!”

“I know,” he said smiling at you.

You were talking about the ring. He was talking about you.

“I love you so much,” you said as you held his face in your hands.

“I love you too,” he said and then you pulled him in for a kiss.

It was a passionate kiss. Neither of you could help it. There was too much love flowing through both of you.

Sex while you were this pregnant was a bit of a challenge but not impossible. You started off doggy style but the weight of your stomach hanging down was hurting your back. Missionary also put too much strain on your back. You tried laying on your sides facing each other but your stomach got in the way. Laying on your sides with your back to his front was working. You could still turn your head to kiss him and he would bring his arm around you to grab your breasts and then to rub your clit.

You didn’t feel the need to have the best sex ever. You just wanted to be close to the man you loved. He, however, refused to leave you unsatisfied so he worked his magic and you were soon clenching around him as you came.

The next day was the baby shower that quickly morphed into a baby shower/engagement party. Seeing as your dad was not in the picture Sebastian had called your mom and brother to let them know his plan before you had even left New York. He knew you felt the asking for permission thing was outdated. He needed your and only your permission to marry you and that was all. Your mom was thrilled, made all the party arrangements and made sure all your closest friends were there. Your friends and family got you so much stuff you were going to have to mail it all back to New York.

It was a short trip but it was a great trip. You were sitting in the first class lounge at the airport waiting for your plane and looking at the pictures you had posted on your private Instagram when you got a call from Chris.

“I had to find out you’re engaged from your Instagram?!”

“I thought Seb would have told you! You talk to him more.”

“Yeah, but I’ve known you longer. You’re like the sister I never wanted.”

“Don’t you have a sister?”

“Whatever. I am prepared to perform the ceremony whenever it is. How’s little baby Chris?”

“His name is not Chris.”

“What is it?”

“He doesn’t have one. Nothing goes with Stan.”

“I’ll think about it and text you some suggestions.”

“Please don’t. Even if I like it I wouldn’t choose a name you suggested just out of principle.”

Over the loud speaker you hear they are beginning boarding for your flight.

“I would love to continue this conversation but I’ve got to go. They’re boarding my flight.”

“Alright, I’m coming to NYC soon so I’ll see you soon. Maybe 3 weeks or so.”

“Alright, see ya.”

Chris got you thinking about how you didn’t have a name picked out so that’s what you did on the plane.

 “I think it has to be 3 syllables. That’s why Sebastian works.”

You pulled up a website that had 3 syllable boy names and went through the list.

“Found it. Blueberry.”

“That can’t be on the list,” he said in disbelief. Then you showed him your phone.

“I’m gonna say no,“ he said.

You spent the entire flight tossing around names but were not able to agree on one you both liked. You wanted to pull the ‘I’m carrying him so I get to name him’ card but you actually liked that he cared so much. He was very much involved during the pregnancy and read all the books he could. It was very sweet. You weren’t wrong. He was going to be a great dad.

 —————

One month later you were absolutely over the magic of it all. Your back was hurting, you were peeing every single hour and you could barely stand up from a sitting position.

“Please get out of me,” you said looking down and talking to your baby. “Does this make me a bad person?” you asked Sebastian.

“No, I’d probably be saying the same thing,” he said pulling you in for a hug. It was a side hug because your belly was too big.

“Will you please tell him to get out?”

“It’s only 1 more week. Hang in there for 1 more week.”

“Ugh, if I have to,” you said dramatically rolling your eyes and walking into your bedroom.

“I love you.”

“Yeah yeah yeah.”

When you went to bed that night you were sound asleep as soon as your head hit the pillow. Growing a human was no joke. A pain woke you up in the middle of the night and Sebastian woke up to see you sitting up and taking some deep breaths.

“Oh my god, is it time? Are you okay?”

You didn’t respond until the pain had passed.

“No, it’s just Braxton Hicks contractions. I’ve been having them since yesterday. They stop after a while. Go back to sleep.”

You both lay back down and he rested his hand on your stomach gently drawing imaginary shapes with his fingers. You felt the pain again 7 minutes later. And another 7 minutes after that. You gave up on sleep at that point and got up and went to the living room to watch some TV. You were flipping through the guide when Sebastian came in to join you.

“Ugh, really?” he asked when he saw what show you started to watch.

“It’s my guilty pleasure. Deal with it.”

He sat down on the couch pulled your feet onto his lap and massaged them as 90 Day Fiancé started. It was a show about Americans applying for a K-1 visa to bring their fiancé over from other countries who then had 90 days to marry or be sent back to their country. Some of the foreigners were only in it for the green card and some were in it for love and it was fun to guess which was which. The show fascinated you. But it had caused a small argument between you and Sebastian.

Flashback

“You’re telling me that if I still lived in Romania and we met there, you wouldn’t bring me here on a K-1 visa?”

“If I’m being honest, probably not.”

“That’s messed up.”

“If you lived here and I lived in Romania would you bring me here?”

“Yes! Without a question!”

“That’s insane! These people barely know each other and they have to get married. Most of them have only physically spent less than a month together.”

“How well would you have to know me to bring me here?”

“I don’t know. I feel like we would have to physically be together for at least 6 months before I would think about it.”

“Six months? I would have brought you over here after our first night together!”

“If I brought you over here I would be financially responsible for you and I would be fucked if you screwed me over.”

“I wouldn’t do that!”

“I know you wouldn’t. Why are you so upset? This is a hypothetical situation. We are together.”

“You’re too practical! Can’t it just be about the love?”

This went on for an hour.

“These two are never going to work,” you said talking about the couple on the TV.

You had a contraction again and noted the time telling Sebastian to write it down. Two hours later they were 5-6 minutes apart and not stopping when you started walking around the apartment. You realized these weren’t Braxton Hicks but it was still a little early to go to the hospital. You wanted to labor at home for as long as you could.

“Do you have your bag packed for when you are ready to go?” he asked.

“Shit, I was going to do that today but I was too tired,” you said walking into your bedroom.

You packed, taking a break with each contraction. Sebastian was helping you when you stopped and placed your hands on the bathroom counter, gripping it tight.

“Ah, fuck!” you said through your breathing as Sebastian rubbed your back. He felt absolutely helpless. There was nothing he could do to take the pain away but he desperately wanted to.

A few hours later the contractions were getting even stronger and were now 4 minutes apart.

“Okay, it’s time to go,” you said. He had wanted to go an hour ago but you were being your stubborn self so he didn’t push it because he knew he couldn’t change your mind.

You were walking into your room to change out of your pajamas while he was calling the hospital to let them know you were on your way. All of the sudden he heard you yell, “Mother fucker!”

He dropped his phone and ran into the bedroom to find you looking up at the ceiling in disbelief.

“What?”

You looked at him and pointed to the floor. He looked down and saw that your water had broken. Everywhere. Thank god they were wood floors.

“I was really hoping if my water broke it would be a slow leak and not a waterfall,” you said laughing and beginning to walk to your closet to change your clothes.

He just smiled, grabbed your arm so you turned around and held your face in his hands. “I love you.”

You pulled him for a hug and a kiss. “I really, really love you.”

After arriving at the hospital they confirmed that you were in labor and actually already 5 cm dilated. Once in a room and in a gown you were hooked up to the fetal monitor and checked out by the woman who was going to be your nurse.

“Do you need anything hun?”

“Drugs. I want all the drugs,” you replied.

“Absolutely!” she said laughing. “I think anesthesia is just down the hall so I’ll let them know you’re ready for an epidural. You need anything, Dad?”

Sebastian was slowly pacing around the room with his hands in his pockets entertaining weird thoughts in his head to help keep him calm and didn’t hear anything.

“I don’t think he’s answering to Dad just yet,” you smiled. “Seb!”

“Mmh?” he said turning around.

“If you need anything the nurse’s station is just out the door and to your left,” the nurse said.

“Yeah, yeah okay,” he said while rubbing the whiskers on his chin.

She left and soon after the anesthesiologist came in and administered your epidural. Once it started to work you were able to take a nap thankfully. You had barely slept and been up since 2am. It was now 9am. You weren’t sure but Sebastian may have dozed off on the couch that was there for that exact purpose.

Your nurse came in to check your progress every hour or so. At 2pm she informed you that you were fully dilated and it was time to start pushing.

“Oh god,” you said as you realized this was it. You were about to see your son for the first time.

“You can do this. You are amazing and I love you so much,” Sebastian said encouraging you.

For the first 30 minutes it was just you, Sebastian, and your amazing nurse. Every time there was a contraction you pushed as hard as you could while the nurse counted to 10. You would take a breath and push again as long as the contraction lasted. You didn’t know how anyone did this without an epidural. Sebastian was holding your hand and holding one leg up while saying sweet and comforting things so you felt really bad about what came out of your mouth.

“Oh my god, Seb shut up. Seriously just shut the fuck up!” you said mid push.

Once that contraction and push were over you said, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry! I just need you to not talk when I’m pushing. All I want to hear is the counting. I’m sorry! I love you.”

“It’s okay. Just tell me what you need,” he said so calmly while he brushed a piece of hair out of your face which made you feel even worse for the way you talked to him and then he kissed your temple.

Once you had made enough progress more nurses came in with your doctor and an infant warmer. It was really time.

“You ready to have a baby?” your doctor cheerfully asked.

“I guess it’s too late to change my mind.”

“I would say so!” she said laughing while putting on gloves and a gown, then sitting on a chair and getting a view that only Sebastian had ever seen.

After the first push and everyone in the room saying encouraging things you looked at Sebastian with an annoyed expression so he spoke up and said, “She only wants to hear the counting when she’s pushing.”

You mouthed ‘thank you’ to him.

After 5 minutes of pushing your doctor said, “Okay, you are doing great Y/n! I can see the head! Sebastian, do you want to see?”

As Sebastian looked he kept your hand in his and then looked back at you and said, “Oh my god, he has so much hair!”

“One more push Y/n and he’ll be out okay?” your doctor said.

You nodded and looked at Sebastian.

“Okay push! 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, and here he is!” she said as she placed your baby on the blanket a nurse had placed on your chest while she wrapped the blanket around him and began to clean him off a little. The doctor instructed Sebastian on where to cut the umbilical cord and he did.

Then you heard his cry for the first time. He was here. Finally. He was beautiful. It was all worth it. The pain, the discomfort, the constant peeing, the lack of sleep. You would do it all again just to relive the moment of seeing him for the first time.

Sebastian brought his hand up to cradle his son’s head. He had no words. He just had tears falling down his face and a deep love filling his heart. He put his arm around you and brought his temple next to yours as you both looked at the precious baby you two had created together.

After a minute or two the baby nurse took your son over to the infant warmer to weigh him and get him cleaned up.

“Go with him,” you told Sebastian even though it was only 6 feet away from where you were. Sebastian only took about a 100 pictures. Once they had cleaned him and swaddled him up, Sebastian got to hold him for the first time. He thought his heart was going to explode. Between his love for you and for his son he was sure his heart wasn’t big enough to handle it.

When your doctor was done taking care of you Sebastian walked over to you and placed your son in your arms. You brought your hand up to pull Sebastian in for kiss and told him you loved him. You both stared at your son who was wiggling in your arms. He was the living proof of your and Sebastian’s love.

“Congratulations! You did great! Do you have a name for him yet?” your doctor asked you.

“Maverick,” Sebastian replied never once breaking his gaze from his baby.

“Are you a Maverick? Do you like that name? I hope you do cause we couldn’t think of anything else,” you laughed and your son responded with a smile in his sleep.

 ————

Once you were transferred to the postpartum unit the adrenaline of the day wore off and you were just exhausted. The epidural was wearing off so you were in pain as well. Your nurse gave you the pain medication your doctor had prescribed and that made you fall asleep fast. When you woke up Sebastian was sitting in the rocking chair in the room with his shirt off and was asleep holding Maverick against his chest with a blanket covering them. Your nurse had made a point to tell Sebastian that skin to skin contact is not just for mom and baby but that it’s important for him to do it too because it helps with bonding.  Your heart just about exploded with the love you felt looking at the boys in your life who completely owned your heart. You took a picture so you could remember this moment forever.

Maverick woke up and started crying so Sebastian placed him in your arms and you began breastfeeding him. It truly was a blessing that you had no problem breastfeeding. Maverick latched on perfectly.

You FaceTimed with your mom but you couldn’t be positive she could see anything through her tears so you sent her a ton of pictures and videos.

 Sebastian’s mom came to see her first grandchild. She was so happy and gave you about 7 hugs throughout her visit. On her way out she whispered something in Romanian to Sebastian that he later translated.

“She said I did good. That I picked a good woman and made a beautiful son. She’s proud of me.”

Chris came next.

“I come bearing gifts!” he said handing Sebastian a bag. “Where is he? What’d you name him? Can I hold him?”

“This is Maverick. You can hold him but support his head,” you said handing Maverick over to him.

“Hey little guy! I’m your Uncle Chris! Oh my god he is so cute! Middle name Chris?”

You shook your head no. He still didn’t have a middle name yet.

“Really?” Sebastian asked after opening Chris’s gift. He held up a onsie with a picture of Chris as Captain America and underneath it said “My uncle is the shit!”

“What? It’s the truth!” Chris said.

You just laughed. You actually really liked it. Chris stayed for an hour or so and left so you could breastfeed. You were officially done with visitors. Now you focused on bonding as a family of 3.

After one more day in the hospital you and Maverick were cleared to go home. It took you 10 minutes to teach Sebastian how to strap the car seat in the back of the cab you were taking home. The cab driver was so sweet and patient, never complaining and not even starting the meter as you made sure the car seat was secure.

Once home you were breastfeeding Maverick in your bed and Sebastian sat next to you. He loved watching you feed your son. When Maverick was done eating Sebastian changed his diaper and then placed him in the bassinet you had set up next to your bed. You both stood there just watching him sleep. Sebastian put his arms around you and kissed the top of your head you were resting against his chest.

He was an amazing father. There was no arguing over who got up in the middle of the night to feed or change Maverick’s diaper. He always got up, even if it was just to bring Maverick to you to breastfeed. You were also pumping your breast milk so that Sebastian would be able to feed Maverick which he wished he could do all the time.

Two days after you had gotten home, you had gotten out of the shower and walked into your bedroom to find Sebastian asleep with Maverick asleep on his chest. It was a precious sight. Your own father was in and out of your life when you were a kid and never showed any affection. Now you hadn’t seen him in over 10 years. You knew Maverick would never have to deal with that and that made you so grateful Sebastian was his father. You couldn’t decide who was luckier; you or your son. 

Next Chapter

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#Sebastian stan #sebastian stan fanfiction #sebastian stan fluff #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan x you #sebastian+stan+fandom #pregnant reader #dad!sebastian stan #childbirth #chris evans

[fangren]

2020 sure was a year for me... started it off sick as hell with what i know now was almost certainly covid-19. got over it just in time for The Pandemic to start actually being A Thing in public consciousness, first false confidence in it mostly being in China, and surely it isn’t a big deal and will all blow over, to the first few (confirmed) cases in the US, to the dams breaking and panic washing over us...

to the world beginning to change, to people complaining and complaining and complaining about being stuck working at home and not knowing what to do with their time while meanwhile me, my coworkers, and countless others found their own jobs busier than ever (and others still found themselves on the brink of disaster...)

(what shutdown? what quarantine? it seemed like damn near half the county was shopping in my store, especially early on. no thought, no protection, bring the whole damn family because why the fuck not?)

the masks and directional markers and cleaning and all the other new rules that people largely didn’t ignore (though they do mostly wear masks now, at least...)

nobody that I knew died, fortunately. lotta people that I liked ended up quitting or otherwise leaving the store, tho. which... sucked, in its own way. I hope they’re doing well for themselves right now.

hell of a backdrop to a hell of a year, tho. a lot more horrible shit happened to a lot of people that weren’t me. most of which i can barely remember, because i’m terrible with that stuff.

(always reblog, never donate. that’s... me.)

but, hey! there were some good things too. the new Animal Crossing game released this year, remember that? (gotta spend the evening with the town...) also the Sword and Shield DLC. plus Among Us suddenly became a thing, which was pretty cool. played some good games of it earlier. also been enjoying a Digimon game, and also Civ 6 recently. all in all a pretty good year for video games as far as I’m concerned.

didn’t, uh, didn’t get to write nearly as much as I wanted to. started a weird fic that nobody wanted, then got sidetracked editing and reposting an older series. until, uh, I got kinda tired of that. so.. haven’t done much since then. so many WIPs, so little time and even less energy.... so that’s a bummer.

didn’t really make any progress with my, like, personal life? i guess? still living alone, closeted, with my shitty parents. still no driver’s license, still in a shitty retail job stocking dairy.

still single. still honestly kinda crushing on that one girl I’ve mentioned before with the two small children. still barely been able to talk to her since we’re usually so damn busy and don’t have much chances to interact.

(still have mixed feelings about the prospect of actually dating her. I don’t hate kids, honestly, i just don’t have the patience/energy/attention span to spend extended periods of time with the young ones. give me someone i can play or chat with briefly before we go our separate ways.)

i don’t think i can blame the pandemic for any of that. i know myself too well. i’d have spun my wheels doing nothing all year even without it, because even an uncomfortable rut is still hard as hell to get out of.

i don’t know where i’m going with this. i don’t think i’m going anywhere. just reflecting on things because im lonely.

awkward transitional phrase also the election! that sure was a thing that happened. it’s probably bad, but i can;t help but think the horrible plague that’s killed thousands also had our back by forcing this country to make voting easier, thus allowing That Shitty Old Bastard to narrowly beat The Orange One. even if, uh, the losing man-baby is throwing a temper tantrum about it that may or may not end in a coup.

also a show i never watched and don’t care about ended! that sure was a fun distraction for a little while, right? right?

um...

but anyway the year has to end, and so does this post. I have no New Year’s Resolution, because I don’t feel like setting myself up to fail again. especially at something so meaningless.

anyway, Fuck Off 2020! and just for good measure, Fuck Off 2021 because you’re probably gonna be shit too.

night all. I hope someone reading this enjoyed themselves at some point tonight.

imma go play animal crossing and try to have fun.

#long post #late night bullshit thoughts from fangren #fangren talks #this was more depressing than i honestly wanted so sorry about that

[shreddedparchment]

Heavy is the Hand You’re Dealt

Part 3

09/04/2019

Pairing: Steve x Reader, Thor x Reader         Word Count: 9,980

Prompt: Imposter - Bearson

Masterpost          Warnings: angst, smut, unprotected sex, canon level violence

A/N: This is the chapter where canon goes out the window. This is again, for @youngmoneymilla ‘s 5K challenge. It was supposed to be two parts. Now it’s gonna be four. I don’t know why I even try to limit myself. I suck at short stories. Anyway, I hope you like this one. More fun parts in this one I hope. Let me know what you liked. If you reblog, thanks for reblogging! xoxo

“Where is she?” Sam asks, eyes scouring the digital map for your unique frequency.

“Somewhere in Germany.” Bucky points, showing Sam the unique pattern of captures.

“Man, that was our mission.” Sam complains.

“Hey, if it keeps us home, I’m not going to complain.” Bucky counters.

“She should have just taken the shield then.” Sam continues to gripe.

Bucky looks down at the base of the map, thinks for a second, then with the knowledge of being broken, the forever etched reality that sometimes there is no coming back from certain types of heartbreak, he shakes his head.

“She’s not ready for it yet.” He tells Sam and they look at each other, both reliving the exact same moment for what must feel like the hundredth time.

~~~~~~~~~~

Bucky looks out towards the water, the ghost of his sad yet grateful smirk falling away as he spots the old man on the bench.

“Sam.” He calls out, knowing somehow that it’s him.

Sam approaches and he smiles. Strange to see someone that only moments ago looked young look aged, a long and happy—by the looks of that smile on his face—life lived.

“Cap?”

“Not for a long time.” Old Steve tells Sam and slowly Sam sits.

“How-?”

“I stayed.”

Sam’s smile suddenly falls away and he looks back towards the house and Steve knows what he’s thinking.

“She didn’t take it well.” He says sadly. “I’d forgotten how bad it was…”

“You heard?” Bucky’s made his way over, stopping at the other end of the bench. “I didn’t think you’d go through with it.”

“I found my home.” Steve tells them and they exchange a quick glance.

“Here.” Steve reaches over by his right foot and brings up what must be his shield wrapped in a leather protective sleeve. “This is for her. She knows how to use it. I taught her. And she’s-”

“She’s not going to take it, Steve.” Bucky shakes his head and old Steve turns to look at him, his withered face looking suddenly tired and sad. “Not now.”

“Someday she will.” Steve assures him.

“You don’t know that.” Bucky argues.

“It’s hers.” Steve insists. “She’s the right choice.”

“Steve,” Sam begins. “I don’t know if you really grasp what you did here.”

“You take it. You’re a good man, Sam. I trust you. You’ll take good care of it.” He tells Sam, placing the shield in his hands. “Until she’s ready.”

“She might never be ready, Steve.” Bucky counters.

“She will be. I know her. She…” Steve sighs, it almost seems taxing on his entire body to breathe in and out.

“What do you know?” Bucky suddenly says, suspicious.

“Thor will leave.” Steve says, throwing them off.

What does the God have to do with anything?

“It’s important that you give him a reason to come back. Two years.” Steve holds up two wrinkled fingers and looks at Bucky and Sam in turn. “In two years, don’t forget to bring him back.”

“Why?” Bucky asks again, sounding a little more upset.

Steve stares out at the water, and with the last rays of the sun dancing along sending golden flecks of glitter across his face, he shakes his head. Disappointed.

“I messed up. Just once.” He confesses.

“Steve…” Bucky frowns more deeply, growing angrier by the second.

“I came back.” Steve explains, voice weak and feeble. “I mean, I will come back. To her. Because I regret it. Peggy and I have trouble…we were trying to have kids, but Peggy wouldn’t get pregnant so, I got very low.”

Bucky looks away from his friend, turns towards the water then leans his elbows on his knees and buries his face in his hands, sliding them up until he’s pulling slightly at his own hair.

“You’re gonna come back?” Sam asks, shocked too.

“I stayed—will stay for only a week, and it’s very important that Thor is here.”

“Why would you come back?” Bucky demands, lamenting at the thought as he looks at Steve then over at the house and back.

“Peggy is pregnant when I get back home. It is important that I go back.” Steve explains and Bucky scoffs, shaking his head as he gets to his feet.

“So, you’re not worried about what your coming here does to Y/N but rather the fact that Peggy is already pregnant, and you need to go back for her.” He’s so upset, and Steve can see that.

There’s nothing that Steve can say that will explain the complications of his new life. His chosen life. He can’t regret coming back to you, even if it was too late. He does regret having you as an option again because just a few more encounters alone where he might have penetrated that outer shell, then maybe you would have taken him back and maybe he would have stayed and maybe he wouldn't get to have lived the life he had with Peggy, but he would have had you.

You, who’d torn him up inside in ways that he hadn’t known were possible. Yes, he loved…loves Peggy but she couldn’t touch what you had. Two separate loves. Both deep. Both had seen him through a war, but yours had given him so much more.

Your love had seen him through the age of no hope. Peggy’s had been another hopeful light amongst the many in the fight against Hydra and the Nazis. Everything had seemed possible back then. Not easy but attainable.

You had put him back together when there were no possibilities left. When all hope had faded and all the two of you had was a broken, shattered, emptier universe.

He’d had you. And he had been damn lucky.

He knows what he did…he knows that he should pay for it. For how he hurt you.

“Can I see her?” He suddenly asks, looking back towards the house with such a yearning. His old heart, having lost Peggy, wishes for you. Wants you. But he’s old now. He’s got nothing for you.

“What?” Bucky asks, incredulous.

He doesn’t know if it’s luck or maybe fate, but as Steve looks back at the house again, the front door opens, and you descend the stairs by the porch looking just as pretty as ever. Young and beautiful. Your eyes are swollen and red, tear stains on your perfect cheeks. Your ever so kissable lips are pale and bitten through. Chapped but probably just as soft as Steve remembers…

You hadn’t let him kiss you that last time. He’s ashamed he had even tried.

You breathe in as you walk down, breath shaking as if you’re still sobbing it all out.

You have your shoulders slumped, drawn down and in against the world. The despair in your pretty eyes tears Steve’s heart to shreds.

His own pain, the memory of leaving you, is a ghost in comparison to the fresh cut you must feel. It’s been years for him. A lifetime. For you, only what? An hour? Two tops?

Despite the way he’d ripped out your heart, he can still see your softness. Those gentle, sweet hands that had coaxed him out of his own dark pit of despair when the Snap and its consequences had weighed heavy on his own shoulders. Even though you’re not smiling, he can actually picture it. Your honey smile so warming and soothing. Your laugh…that laugh…that soothing chuckle that had comforted him over and over.

Like this, even though you’re sad, he can still picture you eased beneath him, so open and his. All his.

His old heart feels the sting of jealousy as he remembers what’s to come.

It’s a strange and overpowering sensation because he hasn’t felt jealousy with Peggy in years. So many years. She'd been completely his and yes, he’s grateful…but you’re right there…and he gave you up.

Voluntarily. Idiot.

He gets to his feet, surprisingly spry for his age, and turns to look at you as you walk down the slope towards the driveway, keys in hand. His old car. Your car now.

You’re wiping your cheek with the heel of your palm, sniffling as you come close and as Bucky and Sam both rise beside him, Steve watches them draw your eye.

For a split second you almost smile. He recognizes the twitch of your cheek muscles but then your eyes fall on him and you halt.

It takes you a moment, but you recognize him. You see through the aged exterior and your lip trembles.

Steve can’t stand it.

It had been a bad memory for him. Something that crept into his dreams and gave him nightmares. The day he left one future behind to build another in the past. It had all been within reach and he’d left it behind.

Yet, here you are, feeling it all for the first time and it’s all made fresh for him. He wants to apologize and give you the world but he’s…he’s lived his life. Without you.

And that must be what you’re thinking too because your lip tremble goes away and he can see this truth, the truth that he’s lived his life in full without you having kids and getting married and finally giving up the responsibility of saving the world for someone who isn’t you.

What you'd once asked him for, “Let’s just go, Steve. We'll move out to the country like Tony and Pepper and we can start a real life together. We’ll have each other and if…if it happens then, maybe kids?”

Steve has been almost fast asleep and he'd hugged you close in his arms and dreamt of that future but he never mentioned it again and neither did you. He knows now that you never stopped wanting it. And Steve gave that to someone else.

All of that passes through you and he sees the hardness sets in.

This hardness he’s seen before—or rather the one he will see in two year’s time. This is the moment that sets it in place and he only just now realizes it.

“No.” He says, pleading with you to keep your heart open because he doesn’t want to do that to you.

He’s already done so much…not this too.

You look at your keys and because it’s his car, you drop them and head for the road to walk home.

You’re still so obstinate and if Steve wasn’t so worried about the pain you’re in, he’d be smiling because he knows, that’s my girl.

“Bucky-?” Steve begins, turning to his best friend.

“I’ll go give her a ride.” He tells Sam then looks at Steve. “You should stay away for now. Go home.”

“Bucky…” Steve repeats, feeling a twinge of sadness that even his best friend is upset with him.

Bucky doesn’t respond right away. He walks a few steps then stops and breathes out a huff of air. No matter how upset he may be with Steve for leaving you and then having the audacity to come back because things aren’t going as smoothly as he’d hoped, it’s Steve.

“Make sure you send me your address, Steve. We’ll catch up.” Bucky softens, nodding at his own idea. “I wanna hear every last bit of it.”

Steve smiles.

~~~~~~~~~~

With Fury back, you were able to relinquish your duties and with his permission, signed back onto the new S.T.R.I.K.E. team. But then you went rogue and left them after only a month and you’ve been on the move ever since.

You still receive the missions, Fury isn’t opposed to you getting them despite Sam and Bucky’s pleading. You always go alone. Dangerous. Reckless.

You don’t live in the tower or, hell, they don’t know where you have your figurative hero cape. They only know that you switch on your tracker when you’re on mission and back off when you’re done.

Bucky disapproves though he secretly hopes that you’ve found yourself someone.

Sam is annoyed about it by now. Especially since you keep intercepting their assigned missions and don’t even have the courtesy to invite them to go with you.

“She’s going to get herself killed.” Bucky sighs, quietly. Frowning, he looks at the date and leans back in his seat.

“What is it?” Sam asks, knowing that look on Bucky’s face well.

“It’s two years in a month.” Bucky points out, gesturing at the date with his chin as he crosses his arms over the tight red t-shirt he’s wearing.

“Yeah, so?” Sam asks, then he remembers. “Oh, right.”

“Do you have a way to-?” Bucky begins to ask, but Sam cuts him off.

“One God of Thunder, coming right up.” With that he leaves the room to contact Thor and get him back on Earth.

You’re pulled back in. To the newly renovated tower. Where he’d once been. Ages ago. When friendship was all you had.

He’s on that couch where the two of you sat and watched a movie. He’s on the counter where he leaned in close and rubbed shoulders with you and made you fall for him even more. He’s by the sink where the two of you washed dishes and splashed each other in a rare moment of sweet playfulness because Steve had always been worried. Always thinking of everyone else.

He’s at the meeting table, staring at you though back then you didn’t know what it meant. He’d wanted you, just as much as you’d wanted him. Picturing him pounding into you right up against that exact same spot and now you know he’d been imagining the exact same thing.

This place is full of him and his voice, all those faded memories of yearning and friendship, forever trapped in this space where the Avengers have returned. A haven for them. For you, hell.

You hate being here.

You shift in your seat, staring across the way at Thor who’s dozing with his head thrown back, mouth fallen open. He’s snoring lightly, his tangle of blonde hair less dirty, wavier, and still long. His beard is also left long but he seems to have adopted the braided beard permanently.

He’s still chubby. No…that’s not the word. He’s thicker. His stomach still rounded but a little less than before. He looks tighter. Strong, like a rhino.

He’s been here longer than you have and has changed into a pair of jeans and a plain olive colored t-shirt. It looks old, fits him loose around the neck exposing bronzed peach skin.

You tut, turning to look for Bucky or Sam. What did they want?

Thor snores loudly and sits up, startled.

“One more drink.” He spouts drowsily, before his eyes fall on you.

You watch him with a slightly furrowed brow, arms crossed over your chest as you assess him neither disapproving nor happy to see him. You’re just here.

“Oh, sorry. I guess I dozed off.” Thor sits up straighter, reaching up to rub at his eyes. “Haven’t been getting enough sleep.”

“Out drinking?” You guess.

“No.” Thor smiles, shaking his head, then stops and think. “Well, actually yes. I was fishing for information. There’s a man or…he might not be a man but he’s going from planet to planet selling what he claims are infinity stones. Fakes I think but…”

Your heart beats a little faster, “Better safe than sorry.”

“Yes.” He agrees, then he shifts and smiles at you, warmly. Like he’s happy to see you. “How have you been since…since…that day?”

“Busy.”

“What have you been doing, if you don’t mind my asking?” He probes and then gets up and moves around the coffee table to sit beside you.

You shift in your seat to face him a little better, drawing your leg up—or you begin to before you gasp near silently and lower you leg back down slowly.

“What?” Thor asks, concern immediately etched on his face.

Damn, you thought you’d hidden that reaction well.

“Nothing.”

“Let me see.”

“No, Thor. I’m fine.”

“You are not fine. Let me see it.” He orders, sounding more and more like the God of Thunder that you remember.

“I said I’m fine.” You gripe.

“And I said you’re not. Let me see your damn leg or I’ll go and get Dr. Cho and have her sort you out.” His threat is real, and you can see it in those sparkling eyes, one amber, one stunning blue, that he means it.

You resent him for a moment. You don’t need his help. Or anyone else’s. You don’t need anyone.

Reluctantly you pick up your right leg and turn towards him. You hesitate.

Thor gestures for you to lay it on his lap and with your heart full of trepidation, you do it.

“What did you do to it?” He asks, feeling it through your old and in great need of repair and a wash uniform.

“I hit it.”

He looks at you, eyebrows raised.

“On some goon’s face.” You explain.

You half expect him to fuss but instead, Thor surprises you. He huffs a laugh, the concern on his face still there but there’s also amusement. A sparkling eagerness behind his eyes.

“I hope you hit your leg hard on this goon’s face.” He says, feeling just below your knee.

“I shattered his jaw, so yeah. But he got me with a metal pipe he was holding before I did.” Guess, there’s no reason to hide the truth from Thor. He seems relaxed enough that you don’t feel like you’ll be chastised. You reach down and take hold of his hand. Sliding it up along your knee to mid-thigh. “Not there, here.”

“So, the pipe is what hurt your leg?” Thor realizes, eyes trained on your thigh as he gives it a gentle squeeze.

You gasp, wincing, breath stolen as the pain shoots through you.

“You should not be walking around on it.” He tells you, concerned, not chastising.

“I’m okay.” You assure him.

“Only you know your body’s limits.” He nods, looking back up at you. “But it would be better if you stayed off of it.”

You frown at him, irritated instantly. “And I said, I’m fine.”

“You clearly aren’t.” Thor argues.

Funny thing is though, even though he’s fighting you on this, it doesn’t sound like he’s judging you or…feeling sorry for you. Like Bucky sounds. He’s not getting mad, like Sam does.

You take your leg off his lap and limp around behind the old bar that has since been converted into a small kitchen, to the coffee maker.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” You tell him.

“Yes, I do. I have fought many battles. Injured myself countless times. Trust me.” He says with a smile in his voice. He’s having fun arguing with you.

Jerk.

“I don’t know if that’s something you should really be bragging about, God of Thunder.” You tease, still bitter.

Then you growl.

“What?” He asks with a chuckle, amused at your irritation.

Why does Thor leave his shit laying around?

“Thor…” You sigh, grab the handle, then limp back over towards him. “I’d really appreciate it if you wouldn’t leave your stupid hammer sitting around.”

You hold it out for him, and he stares at the large metal head with slightly disbelieving eyes. He follows the butt of the hammer to the handle then his eyes take in your fingers deftly wrapped around the black leather handle.

As he stares at it, you look at it again too. This hammer…could it be? “Is this the one that St…that he used?”

You faintly remember him carrying it around at the funeral, keeping track of it.

“No.” Thor says dully, still dumbfounded. “This one is new. I-I had it remade.”

He gets to his feet, towering over you as he continues to stare down at the weapon.

You give it a shake. “Oh, good. Take it. I want coffee and it’s in my way.”

“How-?” He asks, stunned but he takes the handle and relieves you of its weight.

You move back into the kitchen—no limp—and set to making yourself a cup of coffee.

“Do you want some?” You ask him and when he doesn’t answer you turn to look at him, and squeak to find him right behind you.

Face to chest. You follow his sturdy build up to his face, and blink. He’s all lit up with excitement. The smell of ozone permeates the room, but it’s sweetened by the smell of a coming storm and that ever floral scent that seems to follow him around.

It smells good. He smells good. And his heat, he’s standing so close, it feels right and like you haven’t been this close to anyone in years. Your mind is assaulted with scandalous images because this also reminds you that you haven’t gotten any in just as much time.

“What?” You ask, startled by him and your own thoughts, the counter digging into your lower back.

“I want to train you.” He states, so excited he’s almost vibrating with it.

“What?” You ask confused, thoroughly distracted from the comfort that his closeness is bringing you. “I don’t need any more training.”

Stupid man.

“Do you not know what you just did?” You shake your head. “You lifted my hammer.”

“Yeah, so?” You wonder, looking down at the hammer still held in his right hand.

“Only the worthy can lift my hammer.”

“Worthy? Worthy of what?” You ask confused.

“I was able to re-enchant the hammer and keep what made the first special and you are worthy, little dove. I cannot believe it, but you are worthy.” He assures you. “I mean, not that you being worthy is anything to be surprised at. You have always been sweet and kind and giving. You’re the only one who still believed me in me when I myself didn’t feel like I was worth-”

His words fade into a deafening hum, meaningless noise as you come apart.

Something about those particular words and the way that he’s gazing down at you and the closeness of his large body combine to fill your chest with an ache that you’ve been desperately trying to run from.

It catches up with you here in the tower where he is everywhere, with Thor pressing down on you, smiling at you like he’d smiled at you at one time. Thor tells you that you’re worthy when everything that happened two years ago tells you that you are evidently unworthy of many things.

His love for one. You hadn’t been worthy of his future and so he’d left you and here’s another man, pretending that you’re worthy because it probably suits the time and he’s lying too because he wants to use you like the other one did. He’ll leave you too and break you more and you can’t handle that again.

He’ll use you until he’s done and then be gone.

Thor’s hand slide down along your right bicep, along your elbow and forearm until his hand is able to grip yours.

The heat of his touch snaps you back from your grief and you rip your hand out of his grip.

“Don’t touch me.” You snap. “Don’t lie to me.”

“What?” Thor’s confused puppy face almost moves you, but you know it isn’t real. Everything he says is just a trick. Another lie. They all lie.

“I’m not worthy.” You spit.

“Little dove…” He begins and makes to grab hold again but you slide out from between him and the counter.

“I have a mission to get to and…just stay away from me, Thor.” You back away, heart absolutely clenching with agony. “Stay away.”

Okay, so you gave in. Mostly because Bucky kept begging you to just do the training.

“Think about it, sugar. It’ll be a whole new weapon for you to use on mission. And isn’t that what matters most?”

He knew what buttons to push to get you to agree. You’d be lying if you said that having Mjolnir 2.0 with you on mission wouldn’t be useful. So, you knocked on Thor’s bedroom door and with a heavy sigh you gave in.

“Fine.” You’d grumbled. “Train me.”

Thor’s smile had been blinding.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Hit me again, little dove. We will not stop until you can channel the lightning at full strength.” He urges you, staring at you from across a grassy field. Small yellow flowers shift in the wind that whips your hair.

“Did I ask to stop?” You retort, hating the way he seems to know you’re a little tired.

Thor’s pulled his hair up into a top knot that makes him look disgustingly delicious and you hate yourself for even thinking it because you shouldn’t, and you’ve worked so hard to make all of this okay. You’ve strived to be good alone.

You are good alone. Focus.

Channeling this energy through your body is exhausting. You’ve been working at it for two weeks and you’re still struggling with the power that courses through it.

Bruce had told you that Steve had been able to do it easily.

He’d lifted the hammer and summoned the lightning and it had all just fallen into place.

For you…why can’t you do it?

Thor chuckles at your squabbling. “Come on, little dove. Once more.”

You growl, mustering up all the strength you can and swing the hammer up into the air. The sky grows dark, waves of black cloud swirl and smoke, thunder rumbles, churning and growing louder before lightning splits the sky and flows down through the hammer into you in a dazzling show of blinding strobe.

It feels warm. Heated electricity that comforts and soothes. It makes you feel good. Like it’s been missing your whole life and now that you have it everything is just as it should be.

You turn to face Thor, bringing the hammer down as you watch him squat in his stance. You turn, swinging Mjolnir towards him and release it. It flies for him, followed by the searing white of your lightning and he’s blown back off his feet. The hammer he catches, but the surge of electricity is able to knock him off balance.

The sky continues to thunder, a previously unknown confidence swaying your hips as you strut towards him and stop only when you’ve reached his feet.

He’s laughing, Mjolnir held against his chest. He’s really laughing. His belly is bouncing with it, his t-shirt dirtied from flying through the dirt and grass, small yellow flowers litter his hair.

“What’s so funny?” You ask, thrown off guard by his easy mood. The sky overhead growling.

“You were born for this, Y/N.” He looks at you and fixes you with a look of such admiration that your heart begins to tremble. It aches but, in a way that you haven’t felt in so long.

You think back to the moments that stand out in your history, the ones where you felt exactly like this. Staring at Steve across from you at the gym. On mission, wishing you could follow him out into the fight. Sitting beside him at the little restaurant he’d sneak you to before you two got together and absolutely itching to reach over and grab his hand. The torture of listening to Nat try and fix him up.

Just like then, you long to reach out. You want to hold your hand out to him, help him to his feet. Kiss him.

Wait…no.

You shake your head, pushing these thoughts down as far as you can…it isn’t far. Your limits of denial are shrinking. Since Thor has come back, your life has begun to change again. Turning into something you’ve been desperate to avoid.

Over the past two weeks, it’s become harder and harder to ignore the way you’re feeling for him. Every moment spent with Thor has been more frightening than the last. Like a nervous cat, you jump and startle when he catches you off guard.

Your mind shoots to your post training ritual, when he takes you down to a small lake nearby. He sits with you and he shares with you the things he’s done. Adventures in space, chasing rumors of the stones if only to double-check. He’s traumatized too, in a very different way.

The broken parts of him come out then, laid out for you to pick and prod at. At first, you’d only sit beside him, relishing in the silence but as you spent more time with him, you wondered about the God sitting beside you. The one who’d been in tatters the last time you’d seen him. He doesn’t deny you the curiosity you feel when you’re truly alone with him. He seems to welcome it.

Despite his openness with you, he never asks you about Steve. And you’re grateful. Everything about Steve and your time with him still stings. It was your life. A whole future you’d wished and hoped for. After years of wanting and loving him, for him to just up and leave? Where do you go from that?

Thor can see you coping, and you can see him noticing. He’s very gentle with you, and very patient. You’re grateful. It only makes your heart waver and you hate him for being so nice. You wish he’d be repugnant and demanding and chastising like Sam. Relentless like Bucky. Pushing and pushing until you want to scream.

But Thor smiles at you when you sit beside him at the lake and he waits. He waits for you to speak. Waits for you to ask. Waits for you to sigh. You have a sneaking suspicion he’s still waiting for you to cry. To unload.

So, when he sits right next to you by the lake being patient and sweet and heartbreakingly open, you’ve begun to lay your head on his shoulder, and he says nothing. He doesn’t draw attention to the gesture. He sometimes leans his head against yours too.

You’re thankful because you’ve missed the comfort of contact.

This is what you’re fighting against. This is what you try not to think about when you’re with him. You push it away and focus on your training.

“When are you going to teach me to take a hit then?” You ask him, determined to ignore the way that he seems to fit right in with the wild grass and swaying golden flowers.

He stares up at you, considering you.

“Right now.” He booms, his hand shooting up into the air and the whistle of Stormbreaker pierces the air.

You reach out and call for Mjolnir off his chest and it comes flying up into your hand, just as Thor’s lightning comes raining down from the sky to singe the grass where you stand with an earthshattering boom as partner.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Are you alright?” He’s asked you like a million times already. Your clothes are fine. Your hair is fine. Your skin is…a little charred, sure, but only lightly dusted in black and only in certain spots.

“Yes.” You grumble, hating the way he fusses. You’re also really regretting asking him to forgo the lake session. You felt too tempted and you’re trying to resist.

He’s in your bedroom, to make sure that you aren’t exhibiting any aftereffects from wielding the hammer. You’re not enhanced like Steve had been. You’re just human. And you’re fairly sure he started out the lake sessions for this exact reason.

You’re made stronger by the hammer but when you aren’t wielding it, you’re just you.

He’s quiet, and you forget that you’re trying to keep your emotions—and to an excruciatingly sharp degree your body too, because, damn it. You want Thor—at bay.

“Hey,” You begin inquisitively, suddenly remember seeing Thor change from his regular clothes to his Asgardian armor in the blast of his lightning when he’d wielded Mjolnir years ago.

“Hm?” Thor asks, plopping down on the end of your bed—Sam forced you to take a room in the tower. A room that Fury had previously prepared for you in case you decided to come back into the fold.

Thick plush baby blue blankets with canary yellow sheets. The room is painted with rich plums and pinks, the ceiling dark espresso oak.

You keep your back to him as you open your drawers and pull out a new t-shirt and some pants to throw on when you get out of the shower.

“If I do that whole clothes changing thing that you do with your lightning,” You begin, pulling your workout thermal up and over your head leaving you in your plain black sports bra. “Will I also get some Asgardian armor? Or is that just a you thing? Because it would be so fucking cool if I could get some Asgardian armor. Ooh, can I pick the col-?”

There’s a sharp hiss behind you and you turn quickly to see what’s happened, your shirt still wrapped around your forearms.

“What?” You ask, startled.

Thor gets up from your bed and moves to you, turning you around forcefully so that he can look at your back.

“Is this why you’re always wearing pants and shirts with sleeves?” He asks.

Fuck. Oh, well. This is your new reality. He was going to see it eventually. Still, your mind is in overdrive, analyzing everything he’s saying because you did the same thing with Steve and you hate yourself for being like this. For hoping when you know you shouldn’t.

For your own sanity, you need to let this go.

“It’s nothing, Thor. They’re old.” You assure him, unashamed. These are your battle scars and they are true to who you have become. If he sticks around long enough, maybe you’ll explain it to him someday?

He takes one heated finger and traces several six-inch-long scars at the center of your back. The puckered skin long since healed. He presses against the tiny ones. The ones where bullets went in. One of his hands wraps around your side and moves up along your ribs feeling for the exit scars. He finds them and presses his palm to the largest while his other hand moves on to trace the largest of your scars. It starts at the center of your back and moves up over your right shoulder, stopping just at your collarbone.

It’s wide and long. This one was the one that almost killed you. And Thor is suddenly holding you. Both arms pulling you back against him.

“These are not nothing.” He grieves.

“You should stop touching me.” You tell him, very aware of the pounding in your chest now.

For a second, his hands lift from your skin, hovering like soft feathers against you, barely touching.

“Why?” He asks defiantly, putting his hands right back where they were. He almost sounds like he could be pouting but you’re too afraid to look.

“Because…” Now you hesitate, knowing that this is a road you shouldn’t travel. This is something that should stay buried. You���ve been great alone until now. And yet, you confess, “It feels good.”

Thor’s hands grow firmer, splayed out along your war-torn skin. Your war, but a war all the same.

“And I shouldn’t. I can’t.” You sigh.

“You should.” He whispers, his lips now hovering over the shell of your ear. Hands tracing your sides. “Let me take this grief from you. Let me show you that it can be good. That things are not lost. Let me comfort you. Let me lo-”

“No.” You almost sob. “Don’t.”

You know what he’ll say, and you don’t want to hear that lie again. Never again.

“Since the moment in the hangar when you saw past the shattered man I’d become and gave me that seedling of hope…I’ve lov-”

“Stop.” You gasp, again refusing to hear that lie. “You don’t even know me.”

“I’ve known you for years, little dove. But you’ve been distracted.” When Thor’s lips find the skin of your neck, you melt back against him.

Your body wants this. It wants his touch. And the fear in your heart is fading fast.

Thor’s hand slides down along your side, lovingly tracing your scars as he goes around to your front and down along your tummy until he finds the waistband of your pants and with his nails softly raking against your skin—it’s so good it makes you shiver—he slides his hand down to cup your mound, his middle finger sliding up and down your suddenly pooling folds.

“You’ve been alone for too long, little dove.” He whispers and he’s right, but you wanted to be alone because this…

“Wait…” You shake your head, snapping out of the lust your body demands. “No. You’ll—”

Thor moves his hand out of your pants and turns you around slowly, hearing your ‘no’. Why does he have to be so good to you?

His long blonde hair is still wrapped up tight on top of his head, his beard tickling the nape of your neck until he’s got you facing him.

“Why must you fight it?” He licks his lips and pulls you closer, his hips now pressed against you.

“You’ll leave.” You tell him, and it’s the fear talking. Fear that like Steve he’ll go, and he very well might.

Thor, more than any of the other Avengers except maybe Carol, has left Earth for years at a time.

“You’re right.” He nods, staring down at the shadows of uncertainty in your eyes. He smooths his thumbs across your cheeks, caressing the sides of your face slowly as your heart falls with his admittance. “I will leave.”

You look down at his chest and shut your eyes, fighting the new wave of sadness that threatens to shift into barbs. Wild and steel made to cut and build that wall back up to make them all keep away.

Why can’t he just drop it? Why is he trying?

He’s like Steve. He doesn’t care. He’ll abandon you.

“And when the time comes for me to return to whatever I might need to do, I will take you with me.” He says, almost amused by the look on your face.

Your eyes shoot open, searching his own for the lie.

“But you-”

“If you would let me speak, then I could tell you that I have wanted to be with you since the moment you kissed my cheek and told me that you would always believe in me.” He sighs, reaching down to wrap his arms around your waist and pull you against his full belly and broad, once again tight chest. “I’m a sucker for a sweet woman who believes in the best of me.”

“I’m not ready for this, Thor.” You sigh, feeling lighter than you have in a long time but worried and sick to your stomach with fear. “I need time.”

“Then time you shall have.” Thor nods. “So long as you know that this is where I stand. Waiting. Impatiently. Can I kiss you now?”

You almost smile because he’s been anything but impatient.

You really want him to do more than kiss you, but you nod. He leans down smiling and eager. You press his beard down against his neck to keep it out of the way as you push yourself onto your toes to meet his softened, pink lips.

He tastes like honey and wine and his kiss is out of this world.

Thor stares at you, eyes wide open as your own stare right back into his. The two of you are laying on his bed and he’s got his hands crossed over his chest while yours are wrapped around your knees, folded up as far as you can get them.

Today is a hard day. It’s been two years exactly since things went wrong.

No. Not Steve.

Yes, that had been life changing and it had destroyed you but that wasn’t when the destruction had truly started…

“What do you remember best about her?” Thor asks, his voice as gentle and warm as he can make it.

You think for a moment, staring at him because if you look away, you might fall to pieces like you did last year.

“Mmmm, I remember the way she saw things.” You smile, a sad, weak little thing that makes Thor smile too.

His is encouraging and it helps give you the strength to finally talk about this after two years of wishing that things had gone differently.

“When I first met her, she asked me why I wasn’t out in the field.”

“Why weren’t you?” Thor asks, curious.

“I wasn’t as well-trained as I am now. Back then I had a tendency to make small mistakes. I learned. I’m better now. Much better. When I told her that, she shook her head and I remember she holstered her gun, looked me right in the eyes and said, ‘We all make mistakes. Just make a few more and eventually you’ll make the right one.’”

Thor smiles a bit wider.

“Did she shrug?” He asks. “I can almost picture her shrugging as she said it.”

“She did.” You nod, smiling more genuinely. “She-”

You hesitate, staring at his inquiring face with a small bit of fear. You haven’t had this conversation yet.

“What is it?” He asks, reaching out to take your hand. “Tell me.”

“Before Steve and I…before he went on the run with her and Sam and Wanda, she knew how I felt about him. She saw right through me. Asked me why I hadn’t told him.” You look down at his chest, avoiding his stare because you don’t know what you have left over for Steve in you.

Apart from the anger, there’s a reason your heart still aches when you think about him.

“Why didn’t you tell him how you felt?” He wonders, no sound of judgement or jealousy in his voice.

“He’d told me once—or rather, he told her that I wasn’t his type. But I was right there, in front of him.” You can feel the weight of his words settle over you again.

You should have known back then. When he’d said that, he’d been telling the truth. You’d been the closest to his type maybe? The second choice. You weren’t Peggy and clearly she was his type. You should have believed him when he said it and saved yourself all this suffering.

“I should have believed him and not kissed him that night.” You lament, turning your gaze back on Thor finally. “I knew better. He’d said it himself that I wasn’t what he wanted but I kissed him anyway and the Snap brought him to me. Out of desperation and because I was all that he could get.”

Thor’s face darkens, eyebrows drawn close, chin flexing as your voice begins to break.

“Of course, he’s going to leave me the first chance he gets.” You sob. “What I don’t understand is why he kept it going for so long.”

You sit up, pulling yourself together as best you can as you push his blanket down a little so that you’re not so covered.

You’re in your sleep shorts, refusing to get out of bed on this second anniversary of Nat’s death. Shorts you wear only when it’s just you and Thor. He doesn’t judge your scars and they’re on every inch of you because you’d been reckless for too long in your battles before the needs of others became more important than burying your sorrow.

And here it comes, pouring out of you now, because you finally have someone that will just let you release it without making you feel bad or weak for it.

“I wish she was here. I miss her. I miss her voice and her counsel.” You explain as Thor sits up slowly to scoot closer, arm resting beside you but not touching you yet. “She knew him best and I wish she could explain it to me so that I can understand because-because…”

You should stop. You shouldn’t tell Thor this.

“What, my dove?” He asks, this time wrapping his arm around your waist as he scoots even closer.

“I-” You feel heavy tears fall onto the blanket, dull thuds against fabric and mattress. “I went back to the apartment last week. Where he and I…I was looking for some of my old clothes. Things to move in here. And I…I…”

You sob hard but keep your voice low, a whisper as you shake your head before you bury your face into your hands, refusing to say it.

Thor reaches up to grip your wrists and pulls your hand away easily, exposing the raw weeping face beneath.

“Tell me.” He coaxes.

“I f-found a r-ring.” You gasp, breathing in then out comes a quiet keening. Only Thor will hear you. “H-Hidden in his sock drawer.”

Had his love for Peggy really been that overwhelming that he’d planned a future with you? Hoped and dreamed like you had that there would be more to this life with you then abandoned it when the opportunity had presented itself?

You meet Thor’s eyes, biting hard on your bottom lip as you choke on your grief. Grief held in. Grief that you’d buried. Grief that you’ve clung to. Time to let it go.

You also don’t want to need Thor. You don’t want to need anyone, but you know that without Thor, you would still be chasing the mission. Chasing the high of a capture. Chasing the violence because the wreck inside you needs an outlet.

You do need Thor. Trying to deny that is not going to change that fact.

“I w-wasn’t enough.” You cry.

Thor shakes his head, reaching to wipe at your tears as he pulls you in to kiss him. Again, and again. Long pecks.

They’re searing, heated kisses made to chase away your sad thoughts and it works.

“You’re enough, little dove. You’re almost too much.” He jokes and you sob and laugh at the same time.

“I wish she was here.” You cry, renewed grief making you cry a little louder. “I miss her so much, Thor.”

“We’ll go see her.” Thor tells you, meaning the gravestone that had been erected for her. Even though her body isn’t there…she’s there. “As soon as you’re willing. We’ll go.”

His consideration only makes you cry harder and he kisses you more. He tries to chase it all away with his lips and at first it doesn’t work like it did moments ago.

Until it does, and your sobbing subsides.

He wraps both arms around you, twisting to lay you down gently against his pillows.

You’re breathless as he pulls back to yank off his shirt, his pot belly taut, smaller than before, but still there. His pecs have hardened, his arms are still massive and bulging. He waits with it off. Waiting for your rejection or acceptance.

“Don’t stop.” You gasp up at him, sitting up to pull your own shirt off then laying back down.

“I won’t.” He promises, excited by the go-ahead, then reaches down beneath you as you arch your back for him to unhook your bra and throw it with the rest of your clothes onto the floor.

It takes him seconds to get you completely naked. He makes a quick pass of his lips across every scar on your body as he slides back and off the bed. He stands to strip away his own pants as he admires your naked form.

Your own eyes roam his new perfection. His cock is huge, peach and swollen, throbbing as he climbs back over you.

He kisses along your ankle, up the inside of your calf, your knee, and thighs. Here he sucks gently, marking your flesh with his love bite before he delves between your folds to taste your soaked cunt.

Too long. You’ve been wanting this for too long. Alone for too long. He was right to tell you that before.

He’s lapping up at your clit, suckling gently on it as his hands slide up along the bottom of your thighs, pushing your bent legs up higher until your hips are almost lifted off the mattress so that he can get a better angle at your entrance.

His tongue dances along the edge, nose nudging your clit before he worms it along inside, tasting you.

You gasp, reaching down to cling to his long blonde hair as it falls around him. He grunts at your tugging but he’s gentle with you, stripping away at your protective layers until your undulating beneath him.

Your grieving sobs have turned into nectarous whimpers and Thor is absolutely frantic on your cunt as he races back up to your clit to lick and bite, coaxing your body into the most powerful orgasm of your life.

You fall to pleasurable pieces there with his head between your legs, your hands locked in his hair, toes curled, body trembling.

He eats you out until you’re overstimulated, twitching, and your moaning has subsided. Then he kisses your stomach, once again pressing his lips to those bullet and knife scars, stopping on the one that had almost killed you at your clavicle, where he licks and leaves another love bite.

“How did you get this one, my dove?” He wonders, your body still recovering.

Breathless you look down at the scar he means as he traces it with his fingers, his chin and beard shining with your arousal. You wipe at his face, embarrassed by how wet you got…but it had been a while!

“I um…I was in Japan. A village called Kiso. I didn’t realize I was walking into a trap. T-two guys had really, really long blades. They got me from both sides. One from the back—that one I couldn’t stop. One from the front which I blocked after he cut me a bit. I killed them and I almost bled out, but some villagers found me and got me to a hospital.” You run your hand along the back of his head as he rests it on your left breast, tracing the scar with his finger still.

“I should have come back sooner.” He laments, looking up at your face.

“I wasn’t ready for you then.” You tell him. “I’m not sure if I’m ready for you even now.”

Thor pushes himself up, staring at your face for a moment before he looks down at your breast and while he turns his eyes back on you, he opens his mouth to take in your perked nipple.

He sucks on it softly, tongue lapping around it in circles.

You gasp, overcome by desire again. You fist the hair on the back of his head then pull him up to kiss you.

Tasting yourself on him is intoxicating and empowering. Here he is, marked as yours.

You push against his shoulder and he rolls over until he’s on his back and you’re settled on top of him. Rocking your hips back until his cock pokes against your cheeks.

“You’re ready for me now, aren’t you, little dove?” He asks, slowly rubbing his hands along the tops of your thighs.

You reach down between your bodies, line him up, and slowly sink down on him until you’re absolutely full.

Thor’s hands are vices on the tops of your thighs, and he groans as you take him in his entirety.

You cry out, your walls stretched and out of practice. You can feel him throbbing within you and your walls are velvet waves against him.

“You’re so perfect, my dove.” Thor says, almost in shock, throwing his head back against his pillows as you’re wrapped around him. “So perfect.”

Slowly you begin to rock your hips, feeling the splendor of his massive cock slide in and out over and over while his hands explore the curves of your body, one hand squeezing your breasts while the other thumbs your clit.

“Thor…” You whimper, trying to move faster but already your legs are numb. Still recovering from your first orgasm.

He suddenly sits up and places his hands on the curve of your ass and helps to pull you back and forth faster. You wrap your arms around his shoulders and kiss him hungrily, moaning into his mouth as he leads you to fuck him.

You come hard and fast, breaking the kiss to bite into his shoulder as your body goes rigid and then continues to tremble as he keeps going.

“That’s it, little dove. Let me make it better.” He says happily, then turns you over to lay you down on your back once more.

He settles over you, pelvis to pelvis, his mouth open against yours as you gasp and moan into him while he pumps himself in and out in long smooth waving thrusts.

“Doesn’t that feel good, my dove?” He asks, and you nod, still riding your high.

“Yes.” You whimper, tracing the shape of his shoulders as he dips his tongue into your mouth.

He licks and kisses along your chin, down your neck as he moves faster, thrusting hard. He pounds against your nub, that band in your pelvis tightening and moments away from snapping again.

Thor’s movements become more frantic as he chases his own climax. His hands grasp your shoulders, holding your body flush against his own as his lips find their way back to yours.

He pulls back, staring into your eyes for two long seconds as your body tightens once more.

“I love you.” He whispers, and your heart sears painfully in your chest.

Your stomach is in flutters, nervous, excited, terrified, as his words register. Your lips open to respond. To return his feelings. To tell him that you feel the same. You love him too. Yes.

You do. You see that.

But you can’t say it.

The band in your pelvis snaps and your body is yanked into euphoric pleasure once again as Thor’s last thrust explodes within you.

He groans, mashing his lips to yours and you kiss him back eagerly, returning his love in the kiss because you can’t say it…you can’t tell him.  You love him. But this is all you can give him. For now? Forever?

What if he leaves you?

He breaks your kiss, his lips gliding down along your cheek to your ear as both your bodies tremble together.

“I love you.” He whispers again. “Always.”

In the aftermath of your first night with Thor, he becomes less platonic with you in front of the others.

He doesn’t outright kiss you or hold your hand when they’re around, but he shows it in some subtle and not so subtle ways.

His more subtle ways include him serving your food first or giving you first choice of drink. He makes sure that you have a blanket when you state that you’re cold. And he brags to Stephen and Wanda about your skills with Mjolnir. For those really watching, it’s hard to miss. But everyone is living their own lives and they don’t have time for your drama.

The day that everyone actually finds out, you get up from bed and pull on a plain gray tank top—you’ve been less careful of your scars since that night with Thor—that you tuck into a pair of loose pink and white striped pants. They’re tied up with a matching sash, casual and easy for a lazy day in the tower.

“Where are you going?” Thor asks, rousing from his slumber, rubbing at his eye with his large fist. His hair is a mess, a nest of golden hair that needs brushing. His beard is already braided neatly, fastened with a thin, tiny black band.

His large shirtless body is scrumptious in the late morning and you move to the bed to crawl over him and kiss his lips, smoothing the worst of his bedhead.

Here in the safety of your room, and occasionally his, you can be open with your affections. You don’t worry about the stares that the team might give you or the questions that might follow.

You don’t want an audience to this if Thor is going to leave you in the end. For now, you’ll enjoy this for what it is. You’ll keep it quiet. Thor doesn’t seem too worried about letting them know either so…you’ll keep it to yourselves.

“I’m hungry.” You tell him.

“Stay here, I’ll go get you something.” He springs out from under you, shifting to the edge of the bed to pull on his pants, t-shirt quickly pulled on too.

“I wanna go.” You counter, and because it’s what you want, Thor doesn’t protest.

“I’ll come with you.” He says, getting to his feet, yawning.

“You’re still sleepy.” You point out and he moves around towards you, pulling you in for a long-held hug. Last night’s debrief had been a long one. New bads making a name for themselves up north and it’s starting to look as if the entire team will be needed.

“I am.” He agrees. “But I’m hungry too.”

You’re about to protest but if he’s hungry too…You head out, pulling out of his arms but when you turn, he reaches down to grab hold of your sash.

Like a puppy on a lead, he follows you through the hallway, into the elevator, down the steps of the upper deck, and down to the lower common room holding onto your sash.

This gesture draws Bucky and Sam’s gazes, their breakfasts abandoned. They stare, slightly openmouthed, while Rhodey sits back in his chair, observing curiously as he sips his coffee. Wanda covers her mouth, smiling underneath while Peter beside her drops his bottle of water on the glass table loudly where it splashes and makes a mess.

Stephen, already standing at the kitchen counter, looks from your easy expression to Thor’s hand as he clings to your pants and follows you behind the counter. He says nothing however, just watches.

“Are there any pop tarts?” Thor wonders, just to you, but everyone can hear him.

You push yourself up onto your toes and pull open a cabinet to look inside. An unopened box of unfrosted strawberry pop tarts sits waiting for consumption.

“Yep.” You grab it and hold it over your shoulder for him while you reach in with your other hand a little deeper in search of the box of breakfast bars you’d bought last week.

Thor releases your sash and wraps that arm around your waist as he leans down to kiss your neck, taking the box of pop tarts from you.

“Thank you.” He says so that only you can hear, and your nervous heart flutters.

He’s kissing you, holding you, in front of everyone. You’re terrified of it but also ecstatic because it means this is real…but how real? Will he leave you? Will he break you?

You turn back to look up at him, searching his soft smile for a sign that he’ll change his mind. That he’ll rip this away from you and leave you, just like-

“Steve?” Wanda asks, her voice speaking your mind.

You turn away from Thor, twisting in his hold to look at Wanda in confusion. Can she read minds now?

But her eyes are trained on the upper floor, at the top of the stairs.

Everyone is already looking up, Bucky is on his feet, hands clenched into fists. He looks angry.

You follow their gaze and you very nearly faint at the sight of Steve in a pair of dark brown high-waisted pants, and a light blue button up, staring down at you with glistening blue eyes. A million questions for you because you’re still in Thor’s arms.

“I’m back.” He tells you—because he’s only looking at you—and he waits, while the shock wears off in you and something else takes its place.

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