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#gonna make an appointment with the therapist for next week

hannah-banana-lou · 3 months

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Come back to me

So to start off with, i hate a lot of fanfics that include the (y/n) character as a barely legal, fragile, tiny thing that is oblivious to sex because that is just not me! i love alot of fanfics that have a lot of world building, real life issues and are really in depth, mixed in with some smut, steamy romance and fluff. i know this will not be for everyone but for those who do enjoy that, i hope this does it for you!

Husband William afton x Wife female reader - AU.

Planning on making this into a series if people like it!

content warning: marriage issues, smut, verbal abuse, age gap couple - william (early 50's) Reader (mid/late 20's)

UNDER 18'S DNI!!!

Come back to me (pt.1)

A glance. A kiss. Lips crashing down unto yours. he has you pinned against the bedroom door, panting heavily. Hands exploring places they've been so many times before. yours hurriedly unbuttoning his shirt. desperation. his hooking their way into your sweatpants, teasingly close to where you need him, where you're yearning for him. his kisses moving from your lips, slowly trailing along your jaw before reaching your neck. he bites, suckles and licks the skin there, sending tingles throughout your body, reaching to your core. you're lost in the moment, feeling his beard scratch so deliciously against your skin, his lips soft but desperate. You need this. He needs this.

"mommy!" your ears prick up. the sound of one of your twins calling for you. you ignore it, trying to focus on the present scene unfolding in front of you.

"mommy, look at me!" again. calling for you. you can feel a haze slipping over you. mind going grey, unable to feel the kisses being planted.

a snap of your husbands fingers and you jump. you're in the garden, sitting on the patio next to william. the morning sun is beaming, your two children running around the garden, screaming and giggling. you glance over at william, he is staring at you. the silence between you both brooding ... deafening.

"your children are calling for you. just gonna ignore them?" he grunts out. a dig at you, most definitely.

you shake your head in response, taking the cup filled with coffee off the table, moving it up to your lips and taking a sip, you frown. it's gone cold.

the better part of the morning is spent playing with your children, trying to forget that you have a marriage counselling appointment in the early afternoon. not the first and most definitely not the last. no doubt william will find some excuse to not attend, he thinks marriage counselling is a scam, a waste of money. he refused to even acknowledge the idea until you nagged him for weeks. he eventually gave up.

you're now sat in the car, he's driving. the silence is painful. the drive to the appointment, uncomfortable.

your in the appointment. all his responses are grunts or a few word answers, while you're pouring your heart out, begging for him to just talk to you. a usual occurrence during these appointments.

You stop crying, lost in thought. maybe he was having an affair, it would explain a lot... no. yes. wait... would he do that to you? when would he have the time? god. don't be silly, he isn't cheating on you.... right? Before your mind can trail off anymore the therapist throws a question to you both.

"what are the biggest issues within your marriage? we have discussed this before briefly, however i'm curious as to the individual answers. William, why don't you start us off? yes?"

you glance over at william. he is staring directly at the therapist, poor woman, having to endure his death stare. his eye twitches slightly. he's trying to calm himself before answering. you avert your gaze back to the floor.

"Nothing is wrong with my marriage. i dont believe there are issues" your husband spits out.

the older woman nods, accepting his answer before she turns to you and nods again, signalling for you to answer.

"well... for starters i feel like he doesn't want me around anymore. he avoids me like the plague. there is no love, no affection, no.... no intimacy anymore" you begin.

william adjusts himself in his seat. clearly annoyed at the intimacy comment. you keep your gaze focused on the therapist.

"He wont talk more than a few words to me without snapping at me, he's stopped sleeping in our bedroom, he's taken the spare room instead. i never see him anymore. i'm... i... I've just had enough. it's hard living in a space that you have known as home for many years, yet feel so unwelcome at the same time" you finish. you can feel his stare burning into the side of your head.

the older woman nods again. that's all she seems to do, just nod. it can be quite annoying. she looks between you both.

"Y/N why do you feel like William has become this way with you?"

you sigh, not knowing the answer. you could only answer with what your mind has provided as far fetched ideas over the past few months. you shrug. "i'm not sure. i have a lot of ideas, none that could be close to the truth though" you respond, voice soft, deflated. like you've given up.

"One good way to get your marriage on track is open communication. Y/n why dont you share your ideas with William. it's a good place to start"

you sigh again and look over at william. he is staring at the floor. annoyed written all over his features. he looks over at you

"William..." you start with a sigh. "i... uhm... i have begun to think that maybe... you have fallen out of love with me" his gaze softens, almost looking heartbroken that you could ever think that. he shakes his head. he goes to reach out his hand, it lifts ever so slightly but stops immediately, his fists tightened, a small noise escaping his lips. almost like the whimper of a wounded animal as he quickly avoids your gaze, looking back down at the floor.

you take a moment to process what just happened. what was that noise? sound of affirmation? or denial? maybe his reaction is something to be hopeful for?

"any other ideas you have that you would like to share?" she adds quickly.

you nod, taking a deep breath. you knew he wasn't going to like this one but you had to get it out before the thought consumes you.

"William, i have thought for a while that you are having an affair." you blurt out.

his softened gaze quickly turns to a grimace, furrowed eyebrows. followed with a scoff before he stands up, grabbing your hand "session over. thanks for your time doc, see you next month" he mumbles as he pulls you out the door. the doctor looking more so confused than ever as she watches the two of you leave abruptly.

you get back into the car. oh he's pissed. maybe he is embarrassed that you brought that up? self conscious of how he looks in front of the therapist maybe?

he drives in silence before turning into an empty parking lot near a wooded trail path, probably for dog walkers.

he parks up before turning to you, face twisted with anger "An affair? an affair? .... AN AFFAIR?" He snaps. you nod "it just makes s-" he cuts you off "NO Y/N! NO! the falling out of love i can understand but an affair? i have done nothing to make you think that way"

you look at him confused.

"you're not affectionate. you're only happy when you're around the kids, you're only affectionate in public for 'appearances', you wont sleep in the same bed as me, let alone fuck me anymore, so you must be getting it from someone else!" you angrily snap out, you knew being with an older man would have it's problems but not to this extent.

he rolls his eyes. scoffs. "you're ridiculous. i am not having an affair!"

"it makes more sense than 'i'm stressed' " you quickly respond

he scoffs again but doesn't respond. just stares out the windshield of the car into the woods adorning the outskirts of the parking lot. the forest looked peaceful, serene almost. you continue to stare at him waiting for a response. receiving nothing.

you place your hand on his thigh gently "Will... Bear. please just talk to me... let me in again" you whisper. no response from him. he smiles in his mind at the use of the old nickname for him.

he was your bear. Tall, grumpy and hairy as one. Used to have you in fits of laughter when he would groan and snore, you telling him the attributes resembled a bear when you were first dating. hence the nickname.

Something snaps inside of him.

Your argument before, playing through his mind.

He looks over at you, eyes boring into yours. he reaches his hand out, cupping your cheek. it's been too long since he last touched you.

He moves from your cheek and trails his fingers through the mids of your hair before leaning down, hand clamped on the back of your head, moving you up to meet him halfway, lips on yours. slow. tender. A sense of yearning in the kiss. you let out a small surprised noise. not complaining in the slightest. just surprised, shocked even.

he pulls away ever so slightly, lips still touching. a small protesting whine leaving your lips as you desperately try to kiss him again. he stops you. nuzzling his nose against yours. hot breaths caressing each others skin. his lips soft. as you remember them. a free hand intertwined with your left hand, fingers caressing your wedding and engagement rings.

"I've not fallen out of love with you bunny" he breaks the silence, his words barely above a whisper. desperation. yearning. sadness being carried in his voice.

#william afton x reader #william afton #steve raglan x reader #steve raglan #fnaf au #fnaf #fluff #slow burn #william afton x you #steve raglan x you #older guys

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masturbucky · 2 years

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The Intruder

DARK!Winter Soldier x fem!reader

Summary: You had issues with sleeping for the past two weeks. You wake up every night and you swear you can feel someone's staring from the shadows, but there's no one, and you know it's your imagination. Sometimes you feel touches. When you're tired of your mind tricks, you start taking those sleeping pills. It's good for you, and for the man who watches your sleep every night, too. But you dont need to know that. You need to sleep.

WARNINGS: DARK REALLY DARK PLEASE BE AWARE(!!!), Smut, Somnophilia, NON-CONSENSUAL EVERYTHING, AGAIN IT'S A FUCKING RAPE, Obsessive behavior, unprotected p in v, WS basically romanticizes from his sick point what he does to you, no y/n, literally NO comfort, creampie, marking, a bit of knife play(he tears your shirt off and touches you with a knife a bit), a lot of mentions of death by WS, choke kink if you squint, dacryphilia if you squint, what else? ENGLISH IS NOT MY NATIVE LANGUAGE! Also I kinda forgot to post it when I finished it and so i remembered only like an hour ago, changed some stuff a bit, but grammar errors are still on the table yk. Also, YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT YOU READ. I'M NOT YOUR DADDY I CAN'T TELL YOU SHIT, I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE A MINOR, IT'S YOUR PROBLEM.

You sigh, dropping your bag on the couch while slipping out of your shoes on the way to the kitchen. It's a living hell, you think.

Two fucking weeks you can't sleep. You wake up every night, a several times at least, with a fucking panic attack, or in a sleep paralysis, or whatever the fuck it is — you don't know, you don't care, you just want it to stop.

The thing is, you're going insane.

Every night the reason you wake up is this feeling of someone's eyes on you. Someone's staring at you, from the shadowed corner of your room, every night and it doesn't stop. At first you weren't brave enough to look. On the thrid night you said fuck it and turned the light on, looking around. No one, nothing, no trace of anyone's presence. The fuck you expected to see? The windows were closed, same goes to the door — you checked, three times and one more to be sure — and you were honestly confused and tired enough to get back to sleep. Only for the same thing to happen the following night. And the next one. And again, and again, and again.

You changed locks. Better safe than sorry, you know?

It didn't helped. You still feel watched every night.

Sometimes YOU SWEAR you could feel lingering touches on your body. Cold or warm.

Again, you're going insane.

You bought a fucking camera and installed it in your bedroom under the ceiling just to find your sleepy self and your scared to hell awake self, walking around and searching for the fucking intruder, on it in the morning.

You tried to invite your friends over for the night, but — what am I, a fucking joke? — they all laughed at you, when you told your story. Fuck them, really, you should consider searching for new friends.

You decided to go to the therapist your friend (the only one who, thankfully, didn't laughed with the rest, but still brushed you off) recommended you. The point is, you'll have to wait a month to get an appointment in their busy schedule. You ain't gonna wait so long, you need to sleep for fuck's sake.

That's being said, here you are. Reading an instruction list to Flurazepam, which is like a fucking blanket itself, and grinning like an idiot, excited. Fuck your brain really, fuck it's dumb imagination, fuck the imaginary intruder! You need your sleep and you'll get your sleep, thanks to medicine!

Tonight you eat, shower, read your evening book and get to bed happily, excited to finally get some sleep. Maybe you take a bit more Flurazepam than needed. Just in case, you know?

***

He entered your apartment the same way as always - it wasn't hard to steal your keys and make a copy. He's used to be unnoticed, they would've been disappointed if he was careless enough to let you know about his mere existence. So far, you're stupid enough not to look into details. Smart enough to try and change locks and install a camera, smart enough to show him that you're safe from everyone, but him.

He stops the recording of this damn camera before walking into your room. He solved this problem the first night you installed it. It's a nice kind of change, he must admit. Seeing you from different angle other than from cameras he installed before is nice, truly. Beautiful, clever and caring about his... needs, even without knowing about him. That's what makes you so divine.

Tonight... To be honest, he was waiting for this just as much as you. He was excited, even. For your sleep and his next move in your relationship, if he could call it that.

He takes his mask and glasses off, walking closer to your bed, to your sleeping, relaxed. Asleep, more calm than usual. Just like the first night. Your breath is soft, heartrate is slow, the pills you took obviously worked. You probably took a bit more than you should have, his dumb little thing you are.

He doesn't know how it all happened, to be honest.

What he knows is, he needs you. Badly. All the time, day and night, needs to see your beauty and he needs to be close to something as perfect as you. He thought they wiped everything that could've been even close to what he feels towards you, but apparently they only made it worse.

More likely they know where he disappears every night to. They know everything, and he noticed how much easier it became to sneak out. And if they know and let it be, then he's allowed to have this. Which probably gives them even more power over him.

But he doesn't care. As long as he can see his angel, as long as he can touch something as perfect as you are, he doesn't give a fuck about what else Hydra would make him do. Consider it done. Consider it dead.

He takes his gloves off, kneeling down beside your bed. Slides your blanket off your body, and takes a deep breath. You're in your usual clothes of choice — this tempting shirt, which he often can see your nipples through, which he allows himself to touch sometimes even, and a comfy pair of underwear. He doesn't know what other men usually consider sexy, but for him it is whatever you wear. Especially this pair of panties.

Brings his hand to your thigh, more confidently than usual strokes the smooth skin up, touching the soft material of your underwear and sliding under the warmth of your shirt, to your belly. He doesn't need to be careful now. You won't wake up anyway, you're too deep in your slumber, thanks to those pills.

He almost groans only at the feeling of your soft, warm skin under his fingertips. It's not often when he touches you UNDER your clothes. Too much of a risk, he never intended to wake you up. It would mean a too big step, he doesn't need you to put up a fight and resist too much. If so, he would have to hurt you. And take you away. He's not ready to do that just yet.

But now? Now he can at least do that much without rushing things into it's natural ending. He could have you now, he could taste you now, and then he would prepare to take you somewhere where he would do that as often as possible. He just has to be patient.

For now he could just leave you a message of who you belong to. A promise, of sorts.

The bed cracked under his weight loudly, thanks god you're so deep in your sleep, and the blade shines in the moonlight, so does the hand, the whole arm. Soldier knows that what he's about to do will break you. But a broken angel is still an angel, a fallen one is not.

However, he's very clear with his messages.

Your shirt goes first. The material breaks easily on a sharp knife, he uses it to kill after all, and he's devouring every second of it. He prays that it wont be possible to erase from his mind, just like it was with you, with his angel.

"Beautiful," He breathes out, his voice hoarse and his throat hurts. He hasn't talked in quite some time.

Your shirt is no longer on his way. And oh god, seeing your chest again makes him believe in heaven, whatever this is. When you'll be his, you won't be wearing any clothes at all. It will be his personal heaven.

"So beautiful..." He lowers the knife to your chest, tracing soft skin, nipples with the backside of it. He could so easily switch the side, he could leave a permanent mark on you, a reminder of your first night as his, but he wont. Not now, at least.

Then he lowers the blade to your underwear. Two simple cuts on either sides - and it's just as dysfunctional as the shirt. But he doesn't think you'll need them anyway, now. He might as well just... Take them, as a little reminder for himself? A promise.

He lifts your pretty legs up, resting them on his shoulders when he settles in between, and slides the thorn material from under you with his flesh arm. He wants to feel this. He wants to savor every touch.

Your panties are left in the pocket of his pants, and he returns his full attention to you. Only if you knew how beautiful you are right now, naked for him, ready for him. He would show you, one day. When you would be conscious and used to him, his presence, his touches. For now, this will do.

The knife is back in it's holder, and he lowers to your warm body. Hands slide up your waist to your tits, and the left one to your neck. Metal fingers trace the warm, delicate skin, pressing ever so slightly. The only time he really focuses on how much pressure he adds. Looks just perfect on you.

He can't wait anymore.

Right hand slides off your body to lower his pants, just enough to free his almost uncomfortable erection. He was so mesmerized by your beauty that he completely forgot about himself.

Leans back slightly, once again admiring the view. His angel, so perfect and peaceful, in her sleep. Your calm face, delicate neck, chest, your belly, legs and, a fucking paradise, your pussy. He can't see much, but he knows its perfect. He had seen it, many times, on the cameras. He also knows what you play with, and where you hide it. Lower drawer of your nightstand.

Soldat leaves a trail of open mouthed kisses on your neck, tasting your skin. It's his time to enjoy, his moment to savor, so he slides his hand down to your exposed to him — only him — heat. You're wet, just a bit. Enough for him, at least. Touching you is a privilege already.

Your legs are pushed up, over his thighs. He doesn't know if he wants to hurry up or take his time, it feels like he needs both. Contradictions became natural to him since he found you.

A deep breath. He lined himself up with your entrance, stroking himself slowly, just a bit. Smearing his precum over your clit and soft folds, enjoying the moment. It's so strange to be so overwhelmed. So excited. You make him feel things he didn't knew he was able to feel, and you have no clue. You will, eventually.

He pushes in slowly, groaning and almost cumming right away, holding himself back and biting on your neck. He takes a second to remind himself about how to breathe. Unbelievable. You feel like death. The best feeling ever, the only good feeling.

When he's fully in, he thinks that calling it a heaven would've been an understatement. Your insides around him are so much more.

When he pulls out to the tip and pushes back in, that's where he could've die happily.

You're so warm. So tight, squeezing his manhood just right. It's where he belonged, it's where he feels complete and forgiven. Your walls hug his dick perfectly, and he want's to stay in there until he fades away. And he wants more.

He's greedy when he starts moving. In and out, slowly at first, but getting faster — yes, he's greedy. He's guilty in more than greed, he doesn't care. With your pussy taking him so well, with your warm body under his hands, his lips, just under him — he doesn't care. It's all his, you're his.

Oh how he wants to hear more than those sweet whimpers from you.

He can imagine. His angel, you, under him, hands gripping on his arms, you'll be begging him for more and crying for him, clamping down on him so deliciously and needy. You'll be screaming — screaming the name he can't quite imagine, he can't remember, but he knows you'll be screaming it. One day.

He will take his time to praise you, to tell you how good you are for him, angel, taking all he can give, giving all you have. He will make sure you're shaking and breaking all over again on his cock, tears smeared all over your face and you're drooling with this fucked out look on your divine face-

Oh god, more. He needs more of you, he takes all he can take.

He will leave so much marks on your body, just like now, over your chest and your neck, while you'll be squeezing him inside and begging, begging for his seed-

He cums with a groan, slurred fuck left his lips, headboard of your bed cracks under his metal hand. Aftershock hit the Soldat hard. Right hand gripping on your hip, his breath is ragged and he barely remembers how to breath correctly — he knows this feeling well, but from the bad side. Now? It's euphoric. He doesn't want it to end, he wants to die right here and there, buried deep inside of your heat, with you taking his cum so well, his beautiful angel.

He opens his eyes after what feels like a blissful eternity, his gaze slowly focuses on you under him. He can hear your breath, hard and ragged, he can see a layer of sweat over your body. Small smile cracks on his face. Even in your sleep, you accepted him. You enjoyed it.

He doesn't want to pull out, but he does so anyway. He reminds himself that it's not the last time. He'll have enough chances to do it again with you, after all. He knows what to do. He knows how. He just needs to prepare it.

Soldat looks down, mesmerized by how his seed leaks out of you. There's so much, he has to resist the urge to push it back in. Or to lick it out.

You're so perfect, his beautiful angel. But he has to go.

On a second thought...

He reaches out to your nightstand, barely even looking up from your pretty cunt, still leaking with his cum. Grabs his mask and glasses. Puts both on quickly, then grabs the remote control of your camera from his pocket, and presses on.

After all, he should be very clear with his messages.

#x reader #dark fic #sebastian stan #bucky barnes x reader #winter solider x reader #winter soldier smut #dark!bucky x reader #non con #dark!winter soldier #dark!bucky smut #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x you

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eddiemunsonswhxre · 2 years

Text

little bean / eddie munson (you're the reason pt. 3)

masterlist

you're the reason mini series (part three)

part one , part two

cw: female reader, fluff, some angst, lots of cursing, pregnancy, mentions but not descriptions of birth, supportive best friends, so much cuteness, probably one of my fav things i've ever written, also over 10k words, not the last part

you and eddie handle your pregnancy

notes: this takes place in an alternate universe where the upside down doesn't exist, the byers never moved, el doesn't have powers, etc. i did a little research on how pregnancy/doctors appointments went in the 80s because it's much different than today but i also know some things are going to be wrong. but i do know for certain ultrasounds weren't a thing yet, and if they were it was extremely rare. i'm also fairly certain i messed up the timeline somewhere but it confused me too much to figure it out so...

12 weeks

eddie ran his hand through his hair as he left his fourth therapy appointment. it’d been a month since you had your talk, and as he said he would, the next day he scheduled appointments to see a therapist once a week. he actually felt as though they were benefitting and he was proud to tell you that. he’d also gotten a factory job to start making money for the baby. it wasn’t hard work, he had good hours, and it paid well. he felt like things were really going to work out.

you had just hit your twelve week mark and were starting to really feel some pregnancy symptoms. regardless, you picked up a part time job at the local pharmacy and did some knitting in your free time to sell. the only people who knew so far were the two of you, your employer, your grandma, and wayne. that was partially because you were scared of how your friends would react. you also had your first appointment today. you were more than ecstatic to hear your baby’s heartbeat for the first time. you and eddie hadn’t been together too much, only meeting up to talk about updates and otherwise talking on the phone.

but, you wouldn’t have him miss this appointment for the world. he was the father, and you loved him. you already knew based on his success so far that you would take him back, you just wanted to be extra sure. he was on his way to pick you up right now and you were struggling to find clothes to wear. everything wasn’t fitting anymore and you couldn’t rationalize spending money on maternity clothes until absolutely nothing fit. you huffed in annoyance and finally decided on a long black skirt that just managed to hide your bump. you paired it with a pink blouse and slipped on some flats. you looked less like yourself, but you didn’t want the doctor to think you were some dumb teenager who had no idea what she was doing (even though you were…).

you heard your grandma open the door and eddie greet her. after convincing your grandma he was genuine about changing, she welcomed him back into the family with open arms. eddie knocked on your open door, smiling as he watched you brush on some make up. “hey, mama,” he snickered, crossing his arms.

you rolled your eyes but smiled at him. “i am not calling you daddy,” you mumble, applying mascara to your lashes.

“oh, you wound me,” he playfully scoffs, pushing off the door and walking to you. “turn around, lemme see my little bean,” he says, making grabby hands. you chuckle, putting down the tube of mascara and turning. you smooth your skirt down to showcase your bump causing eddie to gasp and his smile to widen. “baby’s getting so big,” he coos, sinking to his knees and putting his hands on your stomach.

your lip quivers as you watch eddie place a kiss to your stomach. “hi, little one,” he says, caressing your stomach as he talks to the baby. “i hope you’re being good for mommy and stop making her all sick,” he murmurs, talking as if you’re not even there. “mommy and daddy are going to listen to your little heartbeat for the first time today, gonna get to hear how strong you are,” he continues, littering kisses over your stomach. you sniffle causing eddie to look up at you as you wipe away some tears. he stands up immediately and grabs ahold of your waist with one hand and your cheek with the other. “what? what’s wrong?” he asks, eyes searching yours frantically.

you let out a small laugh and wave him off before taking a deep breath and wrapping your arms around him. “that was just so cute,” you mumble, holding him tightly.

eddie relaxes at your words and a soft smile covers his face. he wraps his arms around you, holding you gently and placing his lips to the top of your head. “hormones really getting to ya, huh?” he asks, stroking your back. you nod, enjoying the feeling of being in his arms. “well, i got a couple parenting and pregnancy books from the thrift store and they say that talking to your baby before they’re born can help strengthen your bond with them. and i don’t know… i’m kind of scared that i won’t be a good dad so i figured i’d get a head start,” eddie admits and you let out another cry, causing him to pull you away from his chest and look at you in mild alarm.

“you bought pregnancy books?” you ask, your heart swelling. he wipes your tears off your cheeks to try and avoid ruining your makeup and nods. you pout. “that’s adorable,” you mumble, wanting to cry more. god damn you hormones. after another moment your eyebrows furrow. “wait, eddie, you’re gonna be a great dad. you’re already proving that,” you say, sniffling as your tears finally stop.

eddie shrugs and looks away from you. “just don’t wanna turn out like-”

“you’re not your father, don’t even go there,” you reassure softly, kissing his cheek. eddie closes his eyes as he tries to let it soak in. “come on, let’s go listen to our baby’s heart beat,” you say and eddie nods. you take his hand and squeeze it before leading him out of your room.

your appointment went well, and let’s just say the both of you had multiple tears when you heard the heartbeat for the first time. you also found out your due date was february 10th, and having that day made it seem so much more real.

15 weeks

it was currently 9:03pm and you were suffering. your stomach was killing you due to your muscles stretching to make room for the baby and you were having a killer headache. you grumbled, grabbing the phone off your wall and dialing eddie’s phone number. it rang five times before he picked up. “hello?” he spoke. you could hear some type of movie blaring in the background.

“hey, it’s me,” you breathe, squeezing your eyes shut. a particularly painful stab shots through your muscles that sends tears to your eyes.

you hear the tv turn down in the background. “what’s up? something wrong?” he asks, hiding his worry as to not cause you to further panic if you were having a problem.

a few tears fall from your eyes as you rub the side of your stomach. “are you busy?” you ask, swallowing down the lump that was forming in your throat.

“no, why?” eddie answers, knowing you weren’t calling just to talk.

you let out a small whimper that has eddie’s heart rate picking up. “i’m sorry to even bother you, but do you think you could bring me some tylenol? i-i ran out yesterday and i’m in so much pain,” you ask, pushing on your stomach to get some type of relief.

eddie frowns as he can hear the pain in your voice. “yeah, no problem, babe. i’ll go pick some up, lay down okay? i’ll be fast,” he answers, leaning over to grab his wallet from the counter.

you nod, biting your lip as a piercing pain goes through your temple. “you don’t need to rush, thank you so much,” you say, not wanting to inconvenience him too much.

“oh hush, i’ll be there in a few. bye babe,” he says. you whisper a goodbye back and then he hangs up. you don’t comment on the fact he called you babe, to be honest you had missed it. you huff, walking back over to your bed and laying on your back. tears fall from your eyes as you close them and hold the sides of your stomach to try and relieve some pain.

it takes eddie approximately eleven minutes to run to the gas station and get to your house. he slips inside with the key you had given him, not wanting to make you get out of bed since your grandma was already in her room watching some crime show. he makes his way down the hall and to your room. he knocks before pushing it open slowly, peaking in to make sure you were okay with him coming in. the sight in front of him makes his heart hurt. “oh, y/n,” he mumbles, closing your door behind him and speed walking over to you. you give him a small smile and push yourself into a sitting position.

“thank you, eddie,” you murmur, hand resting on your growing stomach.

eddie sits next to you on the bed and begins grabbing things from the bag. “here’s your tylenol,” he starts, handing you the box. “then i got you some strawberry milk since you like it so much, oh and some chocolate and a bag of chips,” he said, laying it all out between you.

you smile and lean over to give him a hug. “thanks,” you say quietly, resting your head on his shoulder.

he wraps one arm around you, rubbing your upper arm and placing a kiss to your temple. “no problem,” he whispers back, looking down at you with eyes full of love.

you pull away so you can take some tylenol and eddie watches. you look at the chocolate bars and chips he had brought you as you tried to decide. finally, you chose on the hershey bar. “my wallet is on my vanity, take however much this was,” you say, pointing to your vanity haphazardly.

eddie shakes his head, pursing his lips. “nah, i got it, don’t worry,” he says, rubbing his thighs with his palms. you frown but he just gives you a warning look. “do you wanna lay back down or what? what’s gonna help you feel the best?” he asks, turning to face you more.

you take another bite of chocolate as you think. “can i ask something that might cross a line?” you ask shyly. eddie furrows his brows but nods anyway. “can we cuddle?” you whisper, avoiding eye contact.

eddie chuckles and starts to kick his shoes off. “yeah, y/n, we can cuddle,” he laughs at you, pulling his leather jacket off as well before crawling up towards your headboard. “how do you want me?” he asks, looking back at you.

“can i lay between your legs?” you mumble, cheeks hot. eddie laughs at you lightly and sits against the headboard.

he moves his legs apart and pats his chest. “come here,” he says with a smile. you comply, slowly making your way up to him. you groan in pain as you twist yourself to sit down. you lean your back against eddie’s chest, head resting just below his shoulder. your knees are propped up as eddie wraps his arms around to rest on your stomach. you break off a piece of chocolate and hold it behind you, looking up to watch him eye it. “you’re sure?” he asks with a smirk. you roll your eyes fondly before nodding and he eats it from your fingers.

“she’s killing me already,” you sigh, eating another piece of chocolate.

eddie raises his brows and looks down at you. “she? you think we’re having a girl?” he asks, lightly rubbing his hands over your stomach.

you shrug, realizing you hadn’t yet told him this theory. “i don’t know. i’ll be happy with either of course, but something is just telling me it’s a little girl,” you say, rubbing your stomach lovingly. “you think it’s gonna be a boy?” you ask, leaning your head back to look at him.

“uh, i don’t know. i think i want a girl though,” he says, looking into your eyes.

you smile, that was sweet. “why? if you don’t mind me asking,” you shrug once more. you throw the empty chocolate bar wrapper into the trash can next to your bed.

eddie, sighs as he thinks. “just want a little girl to spoil, i guess. a little princess,” he speaks dreamily. “of course i’d love a boy too,” he adds, looking back to you. “what do you want?” he asks.

you hum, looking down at your bump. “i don’t even care, just want them to be healthy,” you respond. eddie nods and gives you a smile.

“yeah, especially that,” he agrees.

the two of you sit in comfortable silence for a few minutes until you decide to just ask him. “eddie?” you question. he hums in response, telling you to continue. “do you think… we could get back together now?” you hesitate. eddie freezes for a moment in shock.

you feel him tense, and frown. maybe you should’ve waited a bit more. “well, i guess that’s really up to you. i’m gonna love you no matter how soon or how long you wait to take me back,” eddie finally answers and you feel your heart swell.

“i’ve really been thinking about it for the past week. i knew i wanted to wait until i felt like you’d gotten a good grasp of things and i didn’t know if it was just my hormones making me want to do it now or if it’s truly what i wanted. i’ve realized that it isn’t just my hormones, and if you can tell me you think you’ve gotten a handle on your anger and what not then yeah, i wanna be back together with you,” you explain, playing with his fingers.

eddie smiles, feeling his heart warm with joy. “i’m not gonna lie, sometimes i do get really mad still. my therapist says i always will. but i haven’t blown up on anyone and i feel like i do honestly know how to control it now or handle it in a healthy way,” eddie responds and you smile.

you look back to meet his eyes and twist slightly. “then i’m glad to have you back,” you say and waste no time pressing your lips against his.

16-19 weeks (spreading the news)

over the next couple weeks, you and eddie had decided to finally start telling others about your pregnancy. you’d been keeping to yourself mostly so it wasn’t hard to hide but they definitely knew something was up. they knew about your fight and that you were taking a break, but had no clue about the pregnancy.

right now, you were on your way to eddie’s practice with his band to tell them. he figured they should be one of the firsts, because him being a dad was going to affect them too. “you nervous?” eddie asked, pulling into gareth’s driveway. you nod, looking into the garage at the three guys setting up their instruments. eddie grabs your hand, bringing your knuckles to his lips and pressing a kiss to them. “it’ll be fine, i’m sure they’ll be excited,” he comforts, trying to will away the nerves in your eyes.

you take a deep breath nodding and giving him a tight lipped smile before getting out. eddie decided to let you do this however you wanted to. and he would admit, your idea was pretty cute. you stretched your back as eddie grabbed his guitar from the back, waving to the guys as he came up to you. “showtime,” eddie muttered, kissing your head before grabbing your hand and leading you towards the guys.

“y/n, what’s up? long time no see,” gareth smiled, walking over and pulling you into a half hug.

you smile, hugging him back with one arm as jeff approaches you. “life’s been a little crazy lately. luckily, i think me and eddie got things under control,” you joke, giving eddie a genuine smile as jeff pulls you into his side as well. ricky waved from afar, never being the type for physical contact.

“mm, we can only hope,” eddie mumbles, squeezing your hand before walking over to set up his guitar.

gareth goes to get you a chair from the top of his garage as jeff walks with you towards ricky. “here to listen to us practice?” ricky asks, tuning his guitar as he gave you a small smile, his yellow teeth a bit too on display.

you looked to eddie for reassurance and he nodded, biting his lip to hide his excited smile. “yeah, eddie and i thought it would be best to get the little one started early,” you explain, stepping back and turning to the side. you smooth down your shirt, which was really one of eddie's (even though it was way too big to fit him normally), to reveal your bump.

there’s a loud noise as gareth drops the chair he was getting for you, it messily clattering to the ground. “woah, you’re pregnant?” jeff asks, stepping to the side to further inspect your bump. you laugh, pulling up eddie’s shirt to rest on top of your bump so they could get a better look.

“holy fuck. shit, wow, oh my god, munson you’re gonna be a dad?” gareth mumbles, rushing over and squatting down to look at your swollen stomach. he throws confused glances towards eddie who was chuckling while also looking at your bump in fascination.

eddie walks over, placing a hand on your back and smiling proudly. “yep, best daddy out there,” he said slyly, nodding at the guys.

ricky’s face scrunches up in disgust, “never call yourself daddy again.” all of you laugh as gareth asks if he can touch your stomach.

you let him of course and watching his face is like watching a small child on christmas. “there’s a little baby on the other side of my hands right now, woah,” he says with a smile. jeff shoves him out of the way to get his turn. you watch the guys fondly talk about the baby, agreeing that he or she would automatically be the biggest fan of their band and talking about everything they’d do together.

the next people you wanted to tell were steve and robin. you had made the guys promise not to tell anyone else about the pregnancy since you guys wanted to do it all yourselves. after leaving his rehearsal that day, you gushed to eddie about how excited you were to tell everyone else. so, you went right home and called robin and steve to set up a hang out the next day.

eddie and you were sitting in a booth at the diner, waiting for robin and steve to arrive and get lunch. eddie was nervously tapping his rings against the table while you scanned the menu, trying to decide which of the delicious foods you were going to actually get. “hun, why are you so nervous?” you ask, glancing up from the menu.

he bites his lip, looking over to you. he shrugs, running a hand through his already disheveled hair. “i just feel like your friends don’t like me that much, i’m just scared of what they’ll think,” he explains, moving his hand down to rest on your thigh.

you shake your head and place a kiss to his cheek. “i promise you that you’re worrying too much. robin and steve do like you, steve’s just weird,” you say and pat his cheek, causing him to laugh. the bell rings, signaling someone had entered the diner and you both look up to see exactly who you were waiting for. you smiled as robin’s eyes met yours and you began to wave her over. she dragged steve along, them sliding into the booth across from you.

despite eddie’s worries, the four of you fell into easy conversation until it was time for you to order. steve ordered a double cheese burger, robin ordered chicken tenders (because of course she would), and eddie had gotten a bacon cheeseburger. normally, you were the type to get a salad or chicken tenders because you didn’t have the biggest appetite. so you could expect steve and robin’s reaction when you started listing off your order. “can i get a double cheeseburger with bacon, oh, can i do that? awesome. um and then can i actually get cheese fries instead of normal fries. and uh, eds do you think onion rings would be okay? yeah, i’ll take those too. oh! and can i please get a strawberry milkshake, thank you so much,” you rattle off, smiling as you hand the waitress your menu. she smiles, giving you a knowing look and walks away.

steve and robin eye you, robin being a lot more subtle as eddie tries to hold back his laugh. steve’s jaw is literally dropped as you sip on your sprite. “y/n, are you sure you can eat that much food? like… not trying to be mean but you never eat like that,” steve wonders. he groans in pain when robin slaps him upside the head and gives him a warning look.

eddie smiles, wrapping his arm around you as you two make eye contact. you nod, giving him the go ahead. “hey, she’s eating for two, cut her some slack,” he jokes with raised brows, watching robin and steve’s eyes widen.

they look at each other before their eyes flip between the both of you. “two?” robin stutters, looking at you in disbelief.

you let out a giggle and lean into eddie’s side. “wait, wait, wait, wait… you’re eating for… no…” steve gasps, his eyes falling to your hand as you place it on your stomach that he could now see was prominent.

robin squeals, throwing her hands up and then flinging them across the table to grab yours. “oh my gosh, you’re pregnant?” she gasps, tears filling her eyes. you pout, tears filling your own as you see her reaction.

steve smiles at you, his own eyes watering, before giving eddie a look. eddie purses his lips until steve holds out his hand, gesturing for eddie to shake it. he smiles, doing just that before looking back to you and robin. “we’re gonna have a baby in february,” you confirm, tears falling from your eyes as you look at eddie lovingly.

“steve, we need to start picking up more shifts so we can buy stuff,” robin says pointedly and steve rolls his eyes.

he looks at you with a smile on his face, one of the most genuine ones you’d ever seen him carry. “you guys ready for this? if you need any help we gotcha. i know i say i hate babysitting, but i will be all over this kid,” he laughs and you wipe tears from your eyes at his words.

“this kid is gonna have the best uncle robin and aunt steve,” eddie coos jokingly, causing steve’s eyebrows to furrow.

“i think you got that mix-”

“ah! i said what i said, harrington,” eddie says, pointing a finger at him. the three of you laugh as steve rolls his eyes, not finding it in him to actually be annoyed.

robin and steve had promised not to tell anyone until you gave them the go ahead. so, a week later eddie was trying to come up with what he thought would be the hardest one. dustin.

“i don’t see why you can’t just tell him straight out,” you say, huffing as you try to clasp your bra behind your back. eddie shakes his head, coming up behind you and taking the band from your hands.

you let your hands fall to your sides as you look in the mirror. you had a shift today at the pharmacy that you were getting ready for while eddie was entering the panic stage. you were standing in just your underwear and your bra, watching eddie’s concentrated face over your shoulder as he hooked the bra together. he wrapped his arms around you when he finally got it, resting his head on your shoulder while running his hands over your belly. “it’s dustin, it’s harder than that,” he hums, the feeling of you against him calming him down.

you sigh, resting your hands on top of eddie’s. “what about mike, lucas, and will? you’re not so nervous about telling them,” you wonder, looking into his eyes through the mirror.

eddie closes his eyes and then buries his face into the crook of your neck. “dustin is more… attached to me i guess, i don’t know,” he murmurs into your neck.

“yeah, well he’s also attached to steve, i think it’s his lack of father figur-” you start.

“he definitely likes me more than steve,” he interrupts and you roll your eyes.

you reach your hand back and place it on the back of his head, massaging his scalp. “you said you were going to go look at a couple different stores around for crib prices and other stuff. why don’t you take him with you? then you won’t have to think of a way to bring up the topic, he’ll ask,” you suggest. eddie lifts his head and looks at you in slight amazement.

he turns you around, grabbing your face and pressing your lips to his. “you’re brilliant,” he mutters, causing you to giggle.

you kiss him back before pushing him away. “go call him while i finish getting ready,” you say, eddie nodding.

and that’s how eddie found himself walking into kohls with dustin talking his ear off about his little girlfriend. dustin followed him blindly as eddie tried to navigate his way to the baby section. “found it,” eddie said with a smile as an assortment of cribs, highchairs, and changing tables came into view.

dustin stopped, looking after eddie with confusion covering his face as eddie began walking through the isle of cribs. he was scanning them with such consideration that had dustin feeling like he was in a different dimension. “eddie?” dustin questioned, jogging slightly to catch up with him. eddie raised his eyebrows in response, trying to hide his nerves. “why are you looking at baby stuff?” he asked, looking at the brown and white cribs that were set up next to them.

eddie sends dustin a small smile before picking up a price tag on one of the simpler cribs. his eyes widen slightly at the price and immediately drops it. absolutely not. “because henderson, i’m having a kid,” he says nonchalantly as if he didn’t just drop a total bombshell

dustin looks at him in shock, a nervous chuckle leaving his lips. “you’re kidding, right?” he asks, eyebrows furrowed.

“nope, y/n’s due in february. so i kind of need to get a move on with looking for stuff,” eddie shrugs, moving over to the clothes section instead.

dustin is quiet, taking a few minutes to process. “you’re serious?” he asks, still unbelieving.

a scoff leaves eddie’s lips as he picks up a small onesie, a pout forming on his lips at how cute the little thing is. “dead serious, when y/n gets off you can see for yourself,” eddie informs him, nervously glancing while trying to gauge his reaction.

he’s silent for a few more minutes until he gasps. “oh my god, gross,” he gags, turning away from eddie.

eddie looks at him in confusion and picks up a small baby blanket. “what?” he asks, rubbing his thumb over the soft fabric.

“she’s pregnant! that means you had to, ugk, you had to have, oh god,” dustin holds his hand up to his mouth as he gags.

eddie bursts out laughing as he realizes what dustin was trying to say. “what? did you not think i had sex with my girlfriend?” he laughs, watching dustin squeeze his eyes shut.

“stop! literally stop it’s like seeing your parents- oh i’m gonna throw up,” dustin goes on, covering his face with his hands.

eddie chuckles and slings his arm over dustin. “it’s life, kid. now, do you think this blanket or this blanket is cuter?” he asks, holding one up before pointing to the other one.

dustin gathers himself before opening his eyes and looking between the two. “uh, this one,” dustin says, pointing to the one in his hand.

a smile covers eddie’s face as he nods. “yeah, i think so too. c’mon, i wanna get it,” he says and pats dustin on the back.

after dustin freaking out for a while, you and eddie decided to just tell the others all at once. will was definitely the most excited, max being a close second.

week 20

eddie was sat at your dining room, sipping a beer and going over a campaign he was trying to set up. he wanted to get in one last longer one before the baby came and he wanted it to be perfect. it was currently the first week of october and most of hellfire was spending their time in school, but they simply couldn’t go on without eddie as their leader. you were cooking some pasta because you’d been thinking about it for the past few days along with some greens your doctor told you you should be eating.

a random radio station was playing as your grandma walked out of the kitchen and back to her place in the living room. you hummed along, enjoying the peaceful evening when you felt a small nudge against the inside of your stomach.

you gasped, hand flying to your stomach as you waited to see if it would happen again. your doctor had also told you that you should feel kicking within the next couple weeks and you wanted to make sure you weren’t imagining it. but then, right where your hand was placed, another slightly stronger nudge caused your tummy to poke out a bit. “eddie,” you gasped, tears filling your eyes as you cradled your bump.

eddie’s eyes darted up to you as he put down his beer and scrambled out of his seat. “what? are you okay?” he asked as he quickly walked to you. you turned around, a tear falling down your cheek as eddie grabbed your face, his own full of fear.

you pouted before laughing through your tears and giving him a smile. “little bean is kicking,” you say quietly and eddie’s eyes widen in excitement.

“actually?” he asks as a smile covers his features. he drops down to the ground and places his hands on your stomach. you nod, grabbing his wrist to place it where you had felt the last kick. you waited in silence for a moment, eddie biting his lip. “hey, little bean, it’s daddy. can you kick for me please? just like you did for mommy?” he coos, stroking your stomach lovingly as he waits.

then, another kick, and eddie has tears falling. he kisses your stomach over and over again, murmuring to the baby as you stroke his hair. “i need to go show grandma,” you say and wipe your eyes. eddie smiles, wiping his own eyes as he stands and places a kiss to your head.

he stirs the pasta for you as he hears you and your grandma talk excitedly about it and thinks. you had reached the halfway point, and there was so much more you needed to figure out. the only things you had gotten for the baby were a couple blankets, a few onesies, and some toys they wouldn’t even need yet. eddie didn’t want to tell you it was stressing him out, but you didn’t even have a living situation figured out.

when you came back into the kitchen you noticed eddie’s expression. he was in deep thought over something, and it was definitely bothering him. you grabbed his bicep gently, leaning your head on his shoulder. “what’s up, love?” you ask quietly. eddie shakes his head, snapping out of it and giving you a fake smile.

“nothing, babe,” he mumbles, continuing to stir the pot.

you roll your eyes at him. “don’t lie, i know somethings up,” you say causing him to sigh. of course you would see through him.

he leans his head against yours as he tries to gather his thoughts together. “i think i’m just stressed out,” he admits and you nod.

“i know, love. i am too, but we’ll be fine. i know it,” you reassure him and he closes his eyes.

he lets out a breath before deciding to tell you what he was most worried about. “babe, i just wanna know what we’re gonna do for a living situation. we have less than five months and just, if we want to find a house to rent we’re gonna need to start now,” he says, the stress evident in his voice.

you pull away from him to have him turn and face you. “i was actually gonna ask you to move in, just didn’t know the right moment,” you say, holding his hand and swinging it.

his eyes narrow in confusion. “move in here? we wanna live here?” he asks, attempting to clarify.

you shrug, chewing the inside of your cheek as you look down shyly. “i dunno, i thought it would be easier. we wouldn’t have to buy new furniture, the office can be turned into a nursery, and lord knows my room needs updated so we could make it our room… but if you don’t want to-” you ramble and eddie cuts you off by placing his lips to yours.

“nah, i think that’s perfect,” he assures you when you pull away. you smile and lean into his chest. things were starting to fall into place.

week 24

“i look ridiculous,” you whine, stomping your foot like a kid. eddie walks over from where he was buttoning his shirt and looks you over. he smirks instead at your outfit, reaching out to flick one of your udders.

yes. udders.

you let eddie pick your guy’s halloween costume this year and instead of picking a vampire and a mummy (because come on, that would’ve been perfect), he dressed you as a cow and he a farmer. shocking, i know. “i think you look adorable,” he said, reaching up and adjusting the cow ear headband you were wearing.

you scanned yourself, harshly picking at everything you hated about yourself in this and your eyes began to water. “i look fat!” you exclaim, eddie looking back down to tuck his shirt into his blue jeans.

he snorts and tears fall from your eyes. he thought you were fat. “well, baby, cows aren’t exactly skinny so you just fit the costume extra well,” he tries to tease, not thinking about how it could come off.

you burst into tears and let out a sob. “i look like a cow,” you cry, pulling at the extra fat on your thighs.

eddie’s face drops at your cries. he twists your body to face him and pulls your arms from your thighs. “baby, baby no. hey, it’s okay. you’re beautiful, hunny,” he says, wiping tears from your cheeks and pulling you into his chest.

“you just said i look fat,” you cry into his chest and eddie frowns, replaying his words.

“oh, god, baby. i didn’t mean it like that i swear that. you’re not fat you just got a pregnancy belly. you’re making a baby and you’re healthy for it, you’re exactly where you should be. you’re not fat, shh,” he coos, holding your head.

you fist his flannel shirt, crying harder. “i’m gross,” you sob, and eddie feels panicked. he didn’t know what to do. he knew this was just your hormones making you overly emotional but he still felt like shit for making you feel this way.

he kisses your head and holds you tighter. “i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to make you feel bad. you’re not gross, baby. i promise you look beautiful. please don’t cry,” he begs. why the hell did he chose this for your costume? he was never taking ideas from a magazine again.

“i don’t wanna go to the party. they’ll all think im fat,” you say into his chest, sniffling.

he frowns harder, knowing you were super excited for this. “hunny, no they won’t. come on you’ve been talking about this party all week,” he says, pulling you away from his chest to look at your eyes.

you shake your head no, wiping away your tears and makeup. “m’too ugly,” you cry and eddie’s heart fills with pain.

he gives you a stern look and grabs your face with one hand to get your attention. “you are not ugly. don’t you ever say that again. you’re beautiful, gorgeous, sexy, and everything else. never say you’re ugly, i never want to hear that come out of your mouth again,” he says, trying to reassure you.

but his words were very harsh and scolding which caused you to whine and cry harder. you clamped your eyes shut and sobbed as eddie’s stomach dropped. “i'm sorry, eddie,” you cry, feeling like you’d disappointed him.

“fucking shit,” he groans to himself, getting pissed off at himself for not thinking before talking. “no, baby, no. don’t be sorry. i'm not mad at you, i swear it. i just want you to know you’re stunning,” he tries, pushing some of your hair back. “baby, please calm down,” he whispered, biting on his lip.

you fell back into his chest and he stroked your hair until you finally stopped crying. “im sorry,” you muttered, throat sore.

eddie shook his head, pressing his lips to the crown of your head. “stop, you don’t need to be,” he whispers, holding you tight. god damn you hated pregnancy hormones.

week 27

eddie bit his lip as he nervously tapped his fingers against the counter, waiting for a worker to show up. the store wasn’t even that big, where the hell could they be? just then he saw joyce byers coming up from the back. “oh no, how long have you been waiting?” she asks, feeling bad for taking yet another smoke break.

“not long, um, i called about the pregnancy pillow?” he said quietly, looking down at the counter.

joyce beamed, grabbing the box behind the counter. “oh it’s for y/n? how is she?” joyce asked excitedly, punching the price into the till.

eddie smiles, relaxing a bit. “pretty good, the pains are really starting to hit her though,” he explains, motioning towards the pillow.

“i hope they ease up, when i was pregnant with will it was like i was almost always in pain,” she says thoughtfully.

eddie nods, handing her the money for the pillow. “i hope so too,” he says.

joyce behind counting his change before speaking back up. “do you guys have anything for the baby yet? i’ve still got some stuff from when jonathan and will were babies if you wanna come look through it?” she offered, handing his change back.

“that’d be awesome, actually. i’ll have y/n call you,” he says, grabbing the box. he brings it home, walking straight to your now shared bedroom. you’d taken out your old floral pink wallpaper and opted for a darker grey instead. most of the other stuff was the same except for new sheets and another dresser. it’s not like you could focus your money on redoing your room at the moment.

you were sat reading a pregnancy book while eating chips on your bed when you felt eddie drop something heavy by your feet. “what’s that?” you ask, lowering your book.

eddie smiles and leans down to give you a kiss before pulling out his pocket knife. “it’s one of those pregnancy pillows, supposed to make things more comfortable so you can sleep,” he explains, cutting open the box.

you sit up, watching him pull the very squished large pillow from the box and set it on the floor so it could expand. “you didn’t need to do that,” you pout, pushing yourself to stand.

eddie shrugs and wraps his arms around you. “want you to be comfy,” he says, resting his head against yours.

you feel the tears well up in your eyes again, and it makes you roll your eyes. “thank you, babe. i love it,” you say and kiss his lips.

“oh! and joyce told me we can go through some of her old baby stuff and have whatever,” he adds once you pull away. you smile again, loving how excited he was over things.

week 28

“okay but what are you naming the baby?” steve asks, sitting on your couch with his feet propped up. robin points at you with raised eyebrows, also wanting to know.

you place your hands on your stomach and look down. “we haven't really talked about it,” you shrugged as eddie walked into the room. he handed you your juice and you thanked him quietly.

he sits in the chair across from you and throws his feet on the coffee table as well. “what haven’t we talked about?” he asks, popping the cap off his beer.

max jumps in the conversation from the floor. “we wanna know what you’re naming your baby, but y/n said you haven’t talked about it,” she says, looking at him expectantly.

eddie looks around at everyone’s eyes on him before looking to you. “we haven’t, i mean i assumed it was something we’d think about once they were born,” he says cautiously, hoping not to upset you.

“they’re just kidding, obviously they’re naming the kid after me,” dustin says, holding his hands up.

you look at him in disbelief along with the rest. “dustin, i love you like family, but i am not calling my child dusty. i am not doing to my baby what claudia did to you,” you say seriously, causing everyone to crack up.

“well do you guys have any ideas?” mike asks, finally showing interest in your pregnancy. you look to eddie, also wanting to know if he’d been thinking about it.

eddie snorts, taking another drink of his beer. “obviously, but they’re staying private. you guys can find out when she’s born,” eddie says, enjoying making everyone mad.

“she? how do you know?” will asks, seemingly the only one who picked up on it.

everyone gasps, falling into excited little side comments. eddie rolls his eyes at their antics. “we don’t know, y/n just has a strong feeling it’s a girl,” he explains.

everyone lets out ‘ohs’ of realization. “wait, y/n, do you have name ideas?” lucas asks, realizing you hadn’t answered.

“of course i do, but like eddie i’m not spilling,” you tease causing everyone to groan in annoyance.

“we are talking about them once everyone leaves, right?” eddie asks, pointing to you.

you laugh slightly at him and nod. “yes, you don’t count dingus,” you reply, causing him to playfully flip you off with a smile.

week 31

you huffed, frustrated tears falling from your eyes as you fell back against the wall. you were trying to put together the changing table you and eddie found at a thrift store and now that you wanted to get up you couldn’t. you looked around at the practically empty nursery and it made you cry harder. you felt like a failure and you hated it.

you sat, crying continuously on the floor for thirty minutes until eddie got home from work. he heard your cries, sending him into a panic as he rushed from the kitchen towards your cries. “babe?” he called frantically, bursting in the doorway. “are you hurt? what’s wrong?” he asked, crouching in front of you and pulling your hands from your face.

“not hurt,” you cry, wiping your tears and shaking your head. “i can’t get up, i’m too big and i can’t get my fat ass off the floor. please help me,” you cry, holding your hands out to him.

eddie frowns, grabbing ahold of your forearms. “oh, sweetheart,” he says softly, shuffling back to help you stand. you finally get up with his help and a huff. “what were you doing on the floor?” eddie asks, holding each side of your face.

you gesture to the mostly built changing table (which was quite well done to be honest) and sigh. “i just wanted to get this changing table made,” you mumble.

“babe, you know you’re not supposed to be doing stuff like that. you’re not supposed to put yourself in strenuous or stressful situations, that’s what i’m for,” he says, serious but adding a joke.

your lip quivers as you feel anger and sadness flood your body. “i’m not stupid, i’m not gonna kill our baby,” you say flatly, grasping your bump.

eddie lets go of your face to instead grab your arms. “hey, i never said that. i don’t think that,” he reassures you, trying to get your attention. “but really, y/n, you gotta let me do this type of stuff,” he pleads.

“but you were at work,” you mutter.

eddie nods, scanning your face as his brows furrow. “yeah, i gotta be at work, baby. i could’ve done it when i got home,” he tries explaining.

you shake him off, crossing your arms. “you’re always working,” you grumble, referencing the multitude of doubles, over time, and long hours he’d been picking up.

eddie glares softly at you. “yeah, i’m trying to make money for us, so our baby can have nice things,” he states, the slightest bit of venom entering his tone.

“but you’re never home, and-and it’s hard-” you start and eddie scoffs.

he crosses his own arms, looking at you in slight disbelief. “what? you want me to drop hours so i can lay around with you and wait on you constantly? you wanna be poor and not be able to afford our baby?” he asks with raised brows.

your hormones make you angry faster and his words punched a whole lot deeper. “i just want you around more, is that a damn crime?” you sneer.

“when i’m around all you do is complain and make me do shit. i’m tired too, you know,” he spits.

“you’re not pregnant! i am, which is your fault by the way!” you say, poking him in the chest.

he glares at your finger, his jaw clenching. “it takes two,” he says in a deadly low voice.

your eyes flash with the tiniest bit of fear but eddie catches it. he was losing his cool. “i wish it didn’t,” you say with venom. eddie’s eyes show a flash of hurt and then rage.

“you’re really gonna say that shit just because i work too much? that’s low as fuck y/n. like shit, what the hell is wrong with you? why are you being such a cunt? damn, is the baby even mine-” he starts, his voice raising with his words.

your face drops at his words. no way he was bringing up the idea of you cheating, again. eddie notices your change in expression and his therapist’s words start flooding his mind. he closes his eyes as yours spill more tears and he takes a deep breath. “i didn’t mean that,” he whispers. you shove him with a sob, causing him to stumble and his eyes to fly open. he wants to yell at you, his fists are shaking, but he makes himself realize it’s you. it’s you and you’re scared. “y/n, i’m going to leave. i need to go cool down,” he says as calmly as he can.

a sob leaves your lips. “you’re leaving?” you ask in fear, afraid your stupid hormones drove him away.

eddie pushes past you in order to get out of the house. “just-just for a bit, i’ll be back when i’m calm,” he says, ignoring eye contact and leaving quickly.

the whole hour he’s gone you spend worrying. you called every member of hellfire, sputtering about him leaving angry but none of them knew where he was. dustin offered to go out looking for him, but the idea of dustin riding around in the dark by himself made you cry harder so you didn’t let him. you had hyperventilated at one point, and now you were just sitting on your shared bed, hugging his pillow as you cried.

your door creaked open slowly and your head shot up. “eddie,” you cried, pushing yourself up quickly and launching at him. he took in your state and felt his stomach drop. you collapsed into him and held him tighter than you ever have. “i’m sorry, eddie. i love you, i-i know you work so much for us and i appreciate it. i di-didn’t mean what i said, i wouldn’t want anyone else to be this baby’s dad. please, forgive me,” you sob into his chest.

eddie grasps you tightly, burying his face in your hair. “no, don’t apologize baby, please,” he began. “i know your hormones make everything out of whack and i should’ve thought about that. i know you want me around more and i’m sorry that i’m not. you’re not a cunt, there’s nothing wrong with you, and i know damn well this baby is mine. i was just mad and saying things i don’t mean. i love you so so so much, baby. i’m sorry,” he says, gripping a fist full of your hair as he prayed you wouldn’t hold this against him. the two of you stood in each others arm for a while, trying to get ahold of your emotions

you pull away, shaking your head once you calmed down. “we both said things we don’t mean, but it’s okay. i think… i think you handled it,” you say, trying to show you recognized his efforts. he gave you a heartbroken smile with tears in his eyes. “but,” you say and his face falls again. “for the love of god, next time, tell me where you’re going,” you say, letting out a breath.

“sorry, i will,” eddie says, pulling you back to him.

you laugh, snuggling into his chest. “had me calling everybody trying to find you,” you sigh into his chest.

eddie frowns, kissing your head. “i’m sorry,” he whispers and you just shake your head, enjoying his hug.

week 34

“merry christmas, sweetie,” you heard eddie say before a kiss was placed to your stomach. you smiled, opening your eyes to see eddie talking to your tummy. he looks up to you, smiling and climbing up to hover over you. “and merry christmas to you too,” he smiles cheesily, placing a kiss to your lips.

“merry christmas, handsome,” you say as he pulls back.

he chuckles and sits next to you. “you know, you can’t try flattering me on christmas morning for better gifts. they’re already bought,” he jokes and you roll your eyes.

you huff, snuggling back into your pregnancy pillow. “my goal with the flattery is actually to get you to help grandma start cooking so i can shower first,” you say pointedly and eddie groans.

“fine,” he says dramatically before getting up to put on a shirt. you guys had a lot of preparing to do before the whole crew showed up for christmas around six o’clock tonight. by the crew, you meant eddie’s bandmates, robin, nancy, jonathan, steve, and the kids. was your house big enough for that? definitely not. but you were very persistent on hosting.

you were hunched over the counter, adding the final touches to your casserole when a sharp pain shot through your back. “oh, shit, ow,” you curse, putting you hands on your lower back and pushing.

eddie comes over to you and rests his hand on your shoulder. “what is it?” he asks, mildly concerned.

you pout, looking at him before rubbing one hand over your now huge stomach. “your kid is trying to snap my back with how heavy they are,” you say and eddie frowns.

“let me help then,” he says, turning you back to your casserole.

you furrow your brows and look back at him. “what are you-” you start, but eddie’s hands grab the bottom of your stomach and lift it upwards, holding the weight for you. “ohhh, my god,” you moan, head falling on his shoulder. eddie snorts at your reaction and kisses your cheek.

“keep making your damn casserole,” he jokes, and you stick your tongue out at him before doing just that.

that night was one of the happiest you’ve ever had. everyone was sat around, eating tons of food and sweets and swapping gifts and you couldn’t help but start crying. “you alright?” gareth asks, sipping some hot chocolate next to you.

you wipe your tears and nod, looking at lucas and will fighting over who got the better comics. “i’m just so happy that this baby will have such a big, loving family. like, i know you’re all not blood but… family isn’t just blood,” you say, watching eddie mess up dustin’s hair.

“that is the cheesiest shit i have ever heard,” gareth laughs but wraps his arm around your shoulder anyway. “but yeah, this kid has an army,” he observes and you feel your heart soar.

week 36

you sat in the rocking chair in the middle of the community room at the library surrounded by tons of gifts. “guys, this is all too much,” you say, pressing your hands to your cheeks as jonathan takes pictures for you.

eddie shrugs from behind you, placing his hands on your shoulders. “i think it’s pretty cool,” he comments, making some of the guests laugh.

“okay, okay shut up. y/n open my present first!” dustin calls over everyone. you roll your eyes fondly but agree. he claps and runs up, grabbing a big bag and bringing it up to you. “you’re gonna love it,” he says with a big smile.

eddie flicks his hat causing him to glare. “let her open it, henderson,” he laughs about his eagerness. you pulled the tissue paper out and grabbed the first box out, gasping at the picture.

“a sling!” you cooed, showing it off.

“the fuck is that for?” eddie asked, leaning down to look closer at it.

you swat him and put the box on the floor next to you. “you can strap the baby to your chest so you don’t have to hold them as you walk or do the dishes or something,” you explain, reaching back in the bag. next you pulled out a box of little essentials such as tweezers, a baby thermometer and so on, dustin explaining his mom picked that out. the last thing you pulled out was a very shit-ily, homemade book of coupons for babysitting. “awe, dustin,” you coo, tears coming to your eyes.

you hold out your arms and dustin gives you a hug, smiling and feeling proud of himself. “yeah, i’m not letting dustin watch the baby,” eddie comments, flipping through the coupons of dustin’s bad handwriting.

“oh yes we will, once the baby’s a bit older though,” you say, giving dustin a reassuring smile.

el walks up to the two of you next, shyly picking out her gift. as usual, she was quiet, and she was the one out of them all that you were the least close to. her gift consisted of a few packs of bibs, some binkies, and burping cloths. “thank you, sweetie,” you said, putting them back in the bag and giving her a hug.

gareth, jeff, and ricky put their money together to buy a really nice baby bouncer and a couple outfits. mike and nancy got you a play mat and some more clothes, and karen bought lots of diapers and that made you cry. lucas got a nightlight, some baby books, and a winnie the pooh onesie.

“alright, unwrap mine,” steve says, shoving the box towards you. you laugh at him and begin tearing off the paper and feel tears leak from your eyes immediately.

eddie helps your tear the rest of the wrapping paper off and places his hand on your thigh. “steve,” you say with a pout, crying at how sweet it was.

steve chuckles and pulls you into a hug. “please, why do you think i was pressuring you into waiting until after the birth to buy the stroller? i picked the best one, duh,” he says and you sniffle.

eddie stands up, pulling him into a bro hug and holding it for a bit longer than normal. “thanks, man,” he says, giving him a genuine smile. robin practically throws steve out of the way and places a bag in your lap.

you laugh at her eagerness but start opening the gift anyway. she had gotten the two of you some toys to connect to the stroller, along with a couple knitted hats and booties and a pack of bottles. “these are the cutest, robin, thank you so much,” you say, admiring the bottles with little elephants on them.

max stands, bringing her gift to you. you smiled at the cute bath set she had gotten and eddie gives her a big hug, rubbing his knuckles into the top of her head until she starts cussing him.

wayne wasn't able to make it sadly, but he had already gotten you guys a lot. most importantly he paid for the crib and got you the rocking chair you were currently sitting on.

you didn’t even know where to start with the byers. joyce specifically gave you a nice diaper bag, new crib sheets, and diapers. from will and jonathan, you got a multitude of outfits, some toys, and a some swaddles. your heart was full of love once again because of this group, and you couldn’t wait for them to meet your little one.

week 37

you pulled the frozen pizza from the oven and sighed, ready to eat your lunch and take a nap. you’d just finished your last day of work and your feet hurt. you put the oven mit down and grabbed the pizza cutter from your drawer and began cutting the pizza.

all of a sudden, a gush of liquid seeps out of you. you gasp, looking down to see the clear puddle on the ground. at first you thought you just peed yourself, but this was not pee. “grandma!” you yelled, shaking as you look at the puddle. your grandma walks in, seeing it and gasping.

“your baby’s coming,” she says happily, coming over and taking the pizza cutter from you. “go put on some clean clothes, i’ll call eddie at work, okay?” your grandma says, rubbing your arms.

tears fill your eyes as you shake your head no. “it’s too early, i still have three weeks!” you panic and your grandma shushes you.

“hey, hey, don’t panic okay? it’s not too early your baby will be just fine, you know you were three weeks early too right? so was your momma,” she comforts you and you try taking deep breaths. “go change, make sure your bag is ready,” she says and you nod, turning and waddling away as she goes to call eddie’s work.

eddie is flying in the house fifteen minutes later, eyes blown wide in panic. “the baby’s coming?” he asks, stumbling into your shared room.

“my water broke,” you confirm, sniffling since you were still panicking.

eddie looks at you for another moment before walking over to see what you were shoving in your bag. “but its-”

“three weeks too early, i know,” you say, wiping your eyes.

eddie runs his hands down his face. “fuck, okay, woah, shit, this is happening. okay, you got everything, what do i need to do?” eddie rambles. he feels like he’s shaking with nerves and he can tell by your body language that you’re freaking out on the inside.

“um, i think we can go, i haven’t had a contraction yet so we don’t need to speed. please. don't speed,” you say, grabbing your bag.

eddie gulps, grabbing the bag from you and kissing your forehead. “let’s go have a baby,” he tries to smile at you and you nod, giving him a shaky smile and grabbing his hand.

after being in labor for twenty-five hours you were finally able to push. you hated that eddie couldn’t be there with you while you brought your baby into the world, but that was just how it worked in the 80s. thanking every god in the sky, your baby cried immediately. “it’s a girl, momma,” the doctor said with a smile, causing you to cry tears of joy instead of pain. “get her cleaned up and bring daddy in,” the doctor says to her team around her and they nod.

eddie rushes in the room and to your side, gripping your hand tightly. “you did it, holy fuck, baby, you did it,” he says, tears leaking from his eyes as he presses his forehead to yours. you were laying back flat, still in pain but you didn’t care. you heard the sounds of your baby crying getting louder and eddie’s eyes snapped up as a nurse leaned down to place the little bundle in your arms.

“here’s your daughter,” the nurse says sweetly, and eddie gasps.

you sob, holding the tiny pink swaddle in your arm. “hi, baby,” you coo, bringing your finger up to stroke her tiny nose as her cries immediately begin to cease while in your hold.

“we have a baby girl,” eddie croaks, sitting on the edge of the hospital bed, hunching over to place his hand on the swaddle.

the doctor stops at the foot of your hospital bed to catch your attention. “she’s a little on the smaller side, but nothing that worries me. we’re gonna take her in a couple minutes for testing, just to be sure,” she smiles at you and the two of you nod.

you sniffle, watching her little mouth open in a small yawn. “oh my god, you’re so tiny,” you cry and eddie covers his mouth with his hand.

eddie reaches down, touching her soft cheek with the pad of his pointer finger. “so sweet,” he mutters, immediately in love with the small baby.

“here, babe, you hold her,” you choke out with a smile, raising your arms.

eddie bites his lip, terrified to hold her but reaches down anyways. you carefully transfer the baby to his arms and eddie lets out a sob at how light she is. it was all so real now. “oh my ozzy,” he mumbles, tucking your baby into the crook over his elbow.

they take your daughter for some testing a few moments later, leaving just you and eddie in the room. “so, do we know her name?” eddie asks after he stops crying. he’s holding your hand, stroking your knuckles as he laid next to you.

you smile up at him and nod. “i think we do,” you say and push yourself up to kiss him.

melody belle munson

born: january 18th, 1987

weight: 6lbs 10oz

height: 18.9 inches

okay, yep. i'm in love. as you may have noticed, this is no longer a multi-part one shot. it's now a mini series :) i'll start the next part soon and it'll be everyone meeting melody, if you have any ideas for that (or any interactions between any of them and the baby) please let me know.

oh, and just because they're all happy and sweet now... doesn't mean they always will be...

those who wanted tagged/requested this part:

@marvelously-flawed @ayyeitssarahh @llmae @faithsreades @eddie-swhore @its-nowheregirl @moony-03 @fujiihime @asimpwriter @littletittygothgirl @teenyvee @todoroki-slut @whore-for-eddie @andrewgarfieldsspidey @rainazinha @lupitabarber @ladymoxley @aphr0d1teh @kaitioo @eddiemunson-1971 @picklepenis @cherriebat @alexandraoonaghives

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krakenartificer · 1 year

Text

Notes on therapist selection

(From someone who is getting a good grade in Having a Therapist, something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve)

Some friends were discussing their work to find a therapist today, and I noticed some unspoken assumptions that can sometimes get in the way of finding someone who's a good fit for your recovery needs, especially around deciding what specializations to look for when no one covers the full range of your crazy. So a list of things to think about that -- as always -- may or may not be useful to anyone except me.

1) On overlapping specializations Anyone who specializes in ADHD or Autism will also have experience dealing with trauma, because every school system I've ever encountered has been traumatizing for NDs. They may or may not call it trauma in their own minds, but they know how to handle "a bad thing happened in my past and it's fucking up my present" problems.

Likewise, everyone who specializes in trauma has experience with anxiety. PTSD was, until 2013, classified as an anxiety disorder. DSM-V puts it in its own category for presumably good reasons, but everyone with PTSD has anxiety (or close enough that you can't specialize in trauma without knowing how to deal with anxiety).

That said ... 2) On picking your therapist based on vibes

Vibes are really more important than specialization. Specialization is important if, like, you have one (1) specific problem and you are looking for a solution for that problem. Like, if your life is fine except that you have ADHD and the executive dysfunction is causing you to be unable to write English essays, then you definitely want an ADHD specialist. But if your opening session is going to be

Therapist: So what brings you in? Me: Well! -straightens lapels- -pulls out easel- -pulls out prepared presentation notes- I have a list

Therapist: So what brings you in? What changes are you looking to make? Me: This -gestures- Therapist: You just pointed to all of you Me: Yes.

then any generic psychologist is as good as any other. You got shit in your head and you gotta detangle it and it's all snarled together anyway, so it's a lot more important that you find someone who you're willing to be working with for years.

3) On finding "the one"

Odds are really really good that you're gonna have more than one therapist in your recovery arc. I did 2 years with one who specialized in psychological impacts on physical health, and it did so. much. for me, and I don't regret it for a moment, but also ... I reached a point where that wasn't the specialization I needed anymore, and also the shit in my head I needed to deal with was the kind of shit that (for trauma reasons) I couldn't talk about to someone in that therapist's demographic. So I left that practice, and found my current therapist.

My current therapist is great, and I'm really glad I'm working with him, but it's entirely possible that he's not going to be able to sort out this entire mess. We may reach a point where his specialties of relationships and adhd are not my bottlenecks any more, and he doesn't really have the tools he needs to handle what my next bottleneck is, and I'll go find someone else who can meet my needs at that time. This is normal and expected, and it's entirely fine to plan on it by (for example) deciding that you want a specialist in this thing right now, and you'll go find a specialist in this other thing later.

4) On Shopping

It's entirely reasonable to have more than one therapist this week. You are in no way expected or required to pick a single therapist based off of some profile pictures, a bio on the website, and a phone call, and then you're stuck with them forever. It is normal and understood that you will set up appointments with half a dozen therapists, and then pick two (or three) to do another session with, before settling into a single choice. Or don't! If you like two therapists for different reasons, and you'd rather work with them simultaneously instead of serially, then feel free to schedule with twice as many therapists, half as often. This ain't a wedding; you don't have to restrict yourself to only one.

Narrow down your choices as quickly as you want to based on your anxiety about not having a decision, based on your executive dysfunction and inability to track multiple things, based on how you feel about each one ... but don't narrow them down to one just because you think that's "the rules", somehow.

5) On Being Abrasive

If you know, upfront, what some of your dealbreakers are, just straight-up say that as you're scheduling the appointment or in the first session. My last therapist became a problem for me because she expressed empathy in a way that was too similar to the way my abuser used weaponized politeness to deny me boundaries; I couldn't talk to her about my violations because her demeanor was too similar to the person who violated me. So when I first talked to my current therapist, I told him, "I need someone who, if they think I'm full of shit, will say 'I think you're full of shit.'" He replied "One of my other clients calls me 'Deadpool'." I said, "Perfect. Let's give it a shot."

So if you really care that someone will let you schedule appointments online, or will never touch your wrist, or will treat your "disorder" as a neurodivergence to be accommodated rather than a problem to be solved, then say so. The sooner you both know that, the better: if you have particular needs, they need to know that now; and if they're not willing to meet your needs, YOU need to know that now.

(You will not, of course, always know your dealbreakers upfront. When I picked my first therapist, my primary problem was hip pain, and I didn't know it was PTSD. It was through her help that I realized that (a) I had trauma and (b) she was way too like my abuser for me to treat PTSD with her. This was not a failure. This was a massive success, because learning that was what allowed me to find someone who could help me (see point #3). It's fine if you don't know, right now, what you need -- that's part of why vibes are so important (see point #2). But whatever information you can give them, it is helpful to do so, and (despite what people in your past have implied) it is not rude, it is beneficial and desired.

6 - not advice, just a reminder

You are beautiful and brave and strong and I am so proud of you for fighting through all the shit -- both internal and external -- to get yourself help. No one ever talks about how hard it is to get to the point where you schedule that first meeting with that first therapist, and I want you to know that it is painful, it is challenging, and you're not lazy or stupid or whatever other lie your brain is telling you.

#therapy #how to life #how to recovery #long post #recovery #trauma cw #abuse cw #mental illness cw #gpoy #PTSD cw

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jbbuckybarnes · 9 months

Text

How Peter Parker would comfort and care for a depressed loved one

(don't mind me, just some self-indulgence I wrote when I was in the trenches of depression)

• "No, no, no, what we're not gonna do is feel guilty. This world is a depressing place when the rest of you isn't stable. And the world loves making people unstable."

• He'd meal prep for you, wake you up on time to keep your rhythm in check, bring you sleep tea, watch movies with you on particularly bad days.

• "What's your current take on going outside? Vitamin D might do you good." He'd ask cautiously.

• You'd tense up at the idea of spending more energy than you had but knew it was needed to get better.

• "I can...carry you to the rooftop?" He'd raise his brow.

• You'd do grabby hands at him from the bed.

• You'd chill on the sunny rooftop for 45 minutes every now and then, not talking much, just existing.

• "What are your thoughts on therapy?" He'd mumble a few weeks down the line.

• "The only thing my insurance covers is CBT. I fucking hate CBT."

• "What if we figure out a way to pay someone you can choose?"

• "I don't wa-" "Na-ah, friends help friends survive."

• Please imagine Spider-Man making a couple extra bucks by helping people install solar panels and carrying heavy stuff.

• He'd sit down next to you with a laptop and you'd search for therapy options.

• "DBT. IFS. EFT. The other EFT. Hypnotherapy. Logo Therapy. Integrative Therapists for Psychedelics. Somatic Experiencing." Even he was overwhelmed with the option.

• "IFS. Hypnotherapy. Maybe Logo Therapy." You mumbled and he decluttered the tabs.

• You landed on a woman doing both IFS & Hypnotherapy. Both things that intrigued you.

• "I mean if nothing else works...drugs still exist." You'd shrug and he'd smirk at that.

• He'd bring you to your first appointment giving you the biggest hug before you went in.

• The woman would explain to you that you needed to get mentally resourced first and that she'd try with a specific type of hypnosis to see if that helps.

• When Peter saw you get out of the building he'd instantly put his arm around you while walking.

• "I'm so tired." You'd mumble leaning against him while walking, trusting him to lead the way while you were spacing out, "Gonna tell you about it after a long sleep."

• You'd wake up the next morning with energy. Still depressed, but not quite as depressed as the previous days. He slept over to make sure there were no weird aftereffects.

• You would look at him sleeping and get up to make yourself something simple to eat.

• He'd peek his eye open before both of them were wide open seeing you standing in the kitchen.

• "Woah." He mumbled before getting up and hugging you.

• "How was it?" You paused for a second, "That's what he said."

• You told him what the hypnosis felt like and that you went back to the origin of your depression and did some inner child work thing. And the hypnosis took a lot more out of you than you expected. And now you had more energy and hoped it wasn't short-form placebo.

• "Even if it is, she can still do the other work with you." You nodded.

• "Can we go for a short walk?" He'd eagerly nod.

• Over the weeks you'd get better and better at coping with your symptoms and connecting to your inner parts. You'd figure out your triggers and how to calm yourself out of them.

• He'd love to see you flourish and take you on little friend (👀) dates all across New York City the more energy you'd have.

• He'd make sure you'd keep seeing the beautiful things in the world. He'd program your TV to not show news. He'd actually send you good news deliberately.

• "We should live together." You'd suggest.

• "If you can handle the feds searching the apartment at some point." He'd giggle.

• "I'd be good with that. I'd hide little things making it awkward for them." You both laughed.

#peter parker imagine #peter parker #Spider-Man #spiderman #depressed reader #peter parker x reader #Peter Parker x you #peter parker x y/n #marvel #mcu #marvel cinematic universe #mine #peter parker fluff #hypnosis #spider man no way home #spider man far from home #spider man fluff #spider man fanfiction

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adaptacy · 9 months

Note

It’s the anon with the Yearbook!Reader. Honestly surprised that was pumped out so fast with such quality, I was giggling when I read it ngl. Anyways, I am here to put forth another request for you to choose to do.

Got pretty boy Leland first.

Thinking about Leland and his S/O just relaxing in bed. Soft kisses, nice lil cuddles, some of that fluffy shi. My main point to this was called Leland pretty boy and just like, praising him. Give him all that TLC, babes deserves it.

(Could make it angst/comfort with Leland being insecure about scars he has after the Sawyer family incident, but just praising him for no reason is valid as hell)

It’d be chill if I sent several requests at the same time, yeah? I dont wanna fill up your request box, but I love your writing (Leland especially) and just have so many ideas at times. I also didn’t expect my request to be answered same day, usually takes a while, I’m willing to wait a week or two yknow.

-Kuhuahua

im- i- ik i havent been active on tumblr (ive been rping tcsm on discord <3) but i heard 1 song and it made me think of this request and then i rly wanted to write it SO here we go!

TW: aaaaaaangst with extra angst on the side.

Song recs: When You Gonna Run - Alpha Rev

He never talked about them. You understood why. Honestly, you doubted that he even spoke to his therapist about them. It's been four years. Even now, he still flinches when they're grazed, he whispers out quiet, "Not there, sweetheart," his voice tainted with a somber desperation, genuine hurt. You weren't sure if the pain was physical or emotional. Maybe both.

Four years and he still got teary-eyed if you asked about them, or referenced the incident at all. You'd learned not to, even if you did wish he would open up to you. For the first year that you were dating him you'd just assumed that he would talk about them when he was ready. But then the year came to an end. And so did the second one. And now, at 29 months with him, you'd stopped wishing. Gotten used to the shrugs and the soft sighs, the disdain in his gaze when you inquired about it.

So you didn't bring it up. But you knew he thought about it. Knew he felt it. Not talking about it was easy enough, after a while. But being close with him was hard. Physically close, that is. Every brush of your hand in the wrong spot, or a kiss on the wrong hand, touching your forehead a little to hard against the slit in his eyebrow-

29 months, and you still felt like shit for being unable to remember every single one of his scars. Every single placement- the big ones you could remember. But the small ones spanning the rest of his body, snips of horrors on his arms and the dots of regret on his torso, were impossible to map out.

He sat, watching the movie, next to you, one of his knees bent up to his chest while the other leg hung off of the couch, his chin propped up with one hand, his elbow resting on the cushioned arm of the loveseat, his other arm outstretched next to him, where his hand intertwined with yours.

The ones on his hands weren't bad. There were three on this one, tiny marks that you were surprised hadn't healed. You'd overheard the reason why; the second time you'd joined him at one of his doctor's appointments they'd mentioned him overworking himself, reopening the wounds. You wondered if they still hurt when he worked out.

Without thinking much of it, you scooted closer to him, only a few inches, and you snuck under his arm so that it hung off of your shoulder, though you refrained from leaning against him. He didn't react aside from a small squeeze of your hand. You lifted that hand and pushed a kiss to the back of it, earning his attention.

You didn't meet his eye. You didn't want to see the distant, aching hazel behind the kindness he usually showed. Didn't want to see the microscopic frown that tugged at his lips, you didn't want to see his chest rise and fall with another one of his dejected sighs. You just wanted to kiss him.

So you did, starting at the back of his hand and moving up, your mouth brushing against his arm just under another scar, your eyes closing. This time, it was you who sighed, and you took a gamble, moving your lips up and kissing the coarse patch of skin you'd avoided.

"Baby," he muttered, his voice tainted with the same sadness it held any time he was forced upon a reminder of his past. You didn't reply, nor did you stop, moving up to a different scar, this one closer to his shoulder, repeating the same for this one. A kiss, soft and lingering, before you pulled your head up and finally leaned it against his side.

"I think they're pretty."

There wasn't any reason you'd said it. Just that you'd felt it. And the words came to you, so you gifted them. Leland was quiet for a few minutes. His jaw rested against your temple, both of your heads turned towards the tv, though neither of you were really watching.

Whether he was insecure of them, or if they were still tender, or if they reminded him of the past, or, hell, all of it- they didn't change the way you saw him. Didn't change the way you loved him. You were with him to be with him, every part of him that you could manage to get a hold of. It was okay that he kept some things locked away.

You didn't understand, but you knew why. It was hard. Too difficult for him to remain cheerful when he thought about it. Too difficult to be perfect. Too difficult to feel like he was doing the right thing.

"I know you're hurt."

You couldn't stop yourself.

"I know I'm not ever gonna understand like you do. I know we're always gonna be distant. I know you don't like thinking about it."

But...

"I still love you. It was in the past. And I love you for your past, Lee. And I love you for our future, too. And- I love you right now, in the present."

He stayed quiet, though he leaned against your head a little more, his arm bringing you a bit closer.

"I think they're handsome. And... they're you, so I love them. I love every part of you. Even the scary parts, or the sad parts, or the parts you think are ugly. I love all of you."

At last, you looked up at him, just as he brought a hand to his cheek, wiping away a stray tear. His lip trembled as he looked down at you, but they trembled into a smile, a sad one, like a kicked puppy, but a smile nonetheless. You raised a hand too, cupping his jaw and brushing your thumb under his eye, which pulled a broken chuckle from him, and he sniffled, closing his eyes and shaking his head.

"I'm sorry," you whispered.

"Please, don't be," he replied, his voice cracking as he leaned into your palm, fighting to hold back. You scooted back, and he followed you, laying his head against your shoulder, a soft whine escaping him as he cried.

"I'm always gonna be here. I'm not gonna run. Not gonna leave you for your past. I- I just love you, Leland." Your arms wrapped around his neck as you held him close, resting your chin on his head as he cried, and you gently hushed him, doing your best to reassure.

He didn't often cry. Not to you. Sometimes, on his own time, or when you were pretending to be asleep, you could hear him. But he didn't want to push any of his weight onto you. Didn't want to burden you.

"I can shoulder some of it, y'know. Just cause you can lift a lot of weight doesn't mean you need to do it alone," you hummed, your words lighthearted despite being completely genuine. "I'm right here. I'm here to do it together. Here to be here- here to be yours."

You didn't expect a reply, but he gave one, weak and pained, snagging on his tears, an "I love you," short but sweet. You hugged him closer, leaning down to kiss another scar on the top of his back, and he didn't ask you not to, he didn't flinch, he just let it happen.

"You're perfect, Lee. Scars and all."

#adapting to leland mckinney #leland mckinney #leland mckinney x reader #leland mckinney angst #leland mckinney fluff #leland mckinney x reader angst #leland mckinney x reader fluff #tcm #tcm game #tcm game fluff #tcm game angst

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atinylittlepain · 1 year

Text

Firehouse Harrington - Chapter 8

fireman!Steve x f!reader/f!oc

series masterlist

Steve is trying to get better. She is trying to move on.

warnings | 18+ angst, mention of alcoholism, therapy talk, sad times folks

a/n | I dedicate this chapter to all of the asshole neuro grad students I have dated, your douchebaggery is astonishing and inspiring lmao

song for this chapter: Rapt by Karen O

......................

“Well, how did this past week go, Steve?”

“Um, better– I think.”

“That’s good. How was it better?” He tries not to roll his eyes at that, but still lets out a huff, sinking further into the sofa.

“I, um, I’ve been doing the mindfulness stuff? Every morning, like you said. And I’ve been doing the writing stuff in the journal you gave me.” Doctor Staub nods at that, lightly smiling.

“I’m glad to hear that. But, you know, those things I assign you to work on are only good if they help you make real change in your life.” Steve sighs and Staub raises a brow at him.

“So, what kind of changes have you made, Steve?” He huffs, but takes a deep breath, something he hates to admit works really well in keeping him from lashing out.

“I’m still not drinking, at all. And I’ve been spending more time with my friends, making more of an effort.” Staub nods.

“Good, good. I know we had discussed friendship being a part of your values. It sounds like you’re working on being more in line with that. Have you given more thought to what we discussed last week?” Steve makes a low sound in the back of his throat, shaking his head.

“I mean– I have thought about it– I just don’t know what’d I’d even say– I just– she– I don’t know.” Staub hums.

“Have you tried writing a letter to her? You don’t have to send it, obviously, but it might be a good place to start.” Steve sighs, running a hand through his hair. He had tried writing a letter in the fucking journal his therapist had given him, but he got all of three sentences down before he was dissolving into a mess of tears.

“I just don’t think she’s gonna want to hear anything I have to say.”

“Sounds like you’re jumping to conclusions, my friend. Look, I can’t make you do anything, but you did tell me your biggest reason for wanting to make changes was her.” Staub sets down his notepad, fixing Steve with a firm look.

“There’s no question, Steve. You fucked up– bad. But from what you told me, it sounds like there was real love there, and that deserves enough respect to at least make things right. I want you to keep thinking on it, ok? What would you tell her?”

Steve still doesn’t like therapy, but even he has to admit that it seems to be helping. He’s been going for a while now, but hadn’t been trying until after that night at the hotel with her. It just so happened that the next day he had already had an appointment scheduled, and when he didn’t show up, Staub called him. Steve had started drinking the moment he left the hotel, and by the time his phone was ringing he was a pitiful, mumbling mess. But he had been just about shocked sober by what Staub told him over the phone that day.

“Look, kid, I don’t have a horse in this race. But it just seems like a real shame for you to be fucking yourself up like this when there’s really no need for all this bullshit.” No one had ever leveled with him so clearly. No one had ever been so certain there was a way out for him. So, Steve actually started trying in therapy.

He has six weeks under his belt, but he still has a hard time thinking about that night. When he thinks about what he wants to say to her, all he knows is that sorry wouldn’t come close to covering it.

…

“Oh! Sorry about that, I–”

“Well, if it isn’t neuro’s golden girl. Did you have a good winter break?” She hasn’t seen Thomas since the night of the banquet, and, now running into him coming out of her advisor’s office, she can’t help but think that he looks even smarter dressed down in a crewneck sweater and levi’s. She offers him a smile, scoffing at his remark.

“If you keep calling me that, I’ll start getting a complex or something. But, um, my break was good, yeah. How was yours?” Her break was shit. She spent most of it between her dorm room and the lab, burying herself in preliminary research work and spending her nights listening to her Mazzy Star CD and crying. But Thomas didn’t need to know that.

“Oh, you know, the usual. Went home for a bit, then came back a little early to get some work done. Speaking of, I heard you’re officially on board for next year. Congratulations, I can’t wait to see what you do.” She feels a blush spreading at his words.

“Thank you, I’m really excited– and also relieved– to be on board, as you said. I can’t wait to start working.” He grins, perfect teeth and a perfect dimple in his one cheek.

“Well, I’m pretty sure I already saw you starting to work in the labs over break.” Her face falls, embarrassed, but he laughs, pushing his glasses up his nose before smiling at her.

“Hey, your secret’s safe with me. But I admire that, you’re obviously a hard worker. I’d love to hear more about what you’re thinking about for your research– maybe over drinks some time?” She really hadn’t been expecting that, and can’t help but trip over her words a bit.

“Oh– I, um– I don’t know–” Thomas sighs, cutting off her floundering.

“Oh, shoot. I just put my foot in my mouth, didn’t I? Totally forgot about the firefighter boyfriend.” She’s quick to shake her head at his words ignoring the twist of a knife in her chest. His face lights up once again in hope.

“Um, it’s not that– we’re not– I’m not– not with him anymore.” Thomas raises a brow at her.

“No?” She shakes her head, letting out a sigh.

“It’s just– is that like– appropriate?” He lets out another laugh before fixing her with a crooked grin.

“Why? Because I’m on the admissions board?” She nods and he huffs, pursing his lips.

“Well, seeing as you’re already signed, sealed, delivered for next year, I’d say there isn’t a conflict of interests anymore. So, how about it?” Part of her wants to say no, out of reflex. But she manages to stop herself. It has been nearly two months after all. Maybe it’s time to move on. She tries her best to smile brightly at him.

“Um, ok, how’s this Saturday?” His dimple pops again as he nods, and she feels the lightest flutter in her chest, a welcome change from the dormant cobwebs that seem to have set up shop there. She digs into her tote bag in search of a pen.

“Here, let me give you my number and we can figure something out.” She brandishes the pen and is only a little surprised when he, without hesitation, tugs up the sleeve of his sweater and holds out his forearm for her. She finds her footing quickly, holding his wrist and scribbling her number out. He huffs out a light laugh as she finishes, both of them glancing shyly at each other as she steps back. He offers her one more flashy grin as he starts to shuffle backwards down the hall.

“Alright, golden girl. I’ll call you.”

…

She almost doesn’t answer the phone that night, already wavering on going out with Thomas, but when she does buck up enough to pick it up, she’s surprised by who it actually is. She’d recognize that gruff voice anywhere.

“Um, hey– hi. It’s me– um, Steve. I– how are you?” She’s honestly stunned. He hadn’t tried to call her at all since that night. A week after the incident at the hotel, she had returned to her dorm to find her friend waiting with a box of her things. He had dropped it off, no note or message or anything. She hated how much that had hurt. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t hate him, even though she knew she should.

“Um, hi, Steve. I-I’m ok, yeah. How have you been?” She doesn’t know what to say, it feels like a thick swath of cotton has settled in her throat.

“I’m doing ok, yeah. Um, I was wondering if we could maybe talk sometime?” She hesitates to answer, her stomach twisting, but Steve presses on.

“I’m not asking you for anything, it’s just– it’s for this therapy thing? And, you obviously don’t have to forgive me, um– I’d just like to say my piece– if you’ll let me.” Now she’s really shocked. That he’s still doing therapy. That his voice sounds so unsure and timid. It’s a far cry from the Steve she had gotten used to. She sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose to steady herself.

“Um, ok– I get that– do you wanna, like, get coffee?” She can hear the heavy sigh he lets out over the phone, can practically picture him raking his hand through his hair.

“I– yeah– thank you– that’d be great. When are you free?” She tells him she’ll have time Thursday afternoon and he tells her he’ll make that work, awkwardly going to hang up, but she stops him.

“Steve? I think it’s really great you’re still going to therapy.” He lets out a light laugh, his voice crackling over the phone.

“Yeah, I guess you were right about that, about a lot of things actually.” She doesn’t have time to think about what his words mean because he’s already saying a quiet goodbye, the click of the receiver jostling her out of her swimming thoughts.

Thirty minutes later, her phone rings again. She tries to not let guilt slither in as she makes a date with Thomas for Saturday.

…

Thursday comes before she’s ready. Her last class ran late, and she now has to hustle to get to the coffeeshop they had agreed to meet at. It’s one close to his apartment. She remembers how whenever they both, by some stroke of luck, had nowhere to be in the morning, they’d slink down the block to the shop, taking a close booth in the back and sharing breakfast. Perhaps uncharacteristically, Steve had an affinity for the crosswords in the daily paper, and they’d quietly work it over, hands brushing across the table. She has to physically shake her head of the memory as she keeps walking towards the shop, her heart seizing up the closer she gets.

He looks well, really well. She sees him before he sees her, tucked away in the same booth they used to share. He has on a navy sweater, sleeves rucked up under his elbows. He was always pretty to her, but now, he looks healthy, the typical dark circles under his eyes faded into barely there smudges, the only word she can think of to describe his hair is fluffy, perfectly flopped over his face and tucked behind one ear. When he catches her gaze, his eyes are clear, awake, a far cry from the cold stare he had fixed her with that night at the banquet. His lips crook into just a ghost of a smile, brow creasing. She muses that he looks just as nervous as she feels. As she makes her way over to him, he stands, smoothing his palms down the front of his jeans. She has to resist the urge to reach for him as she stands in front of him, and by the way his hands flex by his sides, she guesses he’s doing the same. He clears his throat before speaking.

“Hey, it’s good to see you. Um, thanks– for doing this.” She smiles, nodding lightly as they both sit down. She rests her elbows on the table, clasping her hands to keep herself from fidgeting from nerves.

“I’m glad to see you looking so well, Steve.” It’s her clinician’s voice, the one she uses in the hospital when she gets to interact with patients, and it doesn’t feel right using it on him, but she’s not sure what would be right in such a situation. He offers her a small smile and a low “thanks” wringing his hands where they’re resting across the table from hers. He seems to be having a hard time holding her gaze, his eyes keep darting down to the side of the booth. She breaks the silence.

“You said you’ve kept up with therapy? How is it going?”

“It’s been good– um, better. Doc says I’m making real progress. I-I’m not drinking anymore– and I’m doing that meditation shi–stuff you wanted me to do. You were right– it, um, it really helps.” She smiles at that, tilting her head to catch his downturned gaze.

“That’s really great, Steve. It sounds like you’re working hard.” He shrugs, offering her half a smile.

“What about you? How have you been?” She sighs.

“Um, I’ve been doing alright. Working hard, but that’s nothing new. I, um, I got accepted. To IU for next year, so I guess I’m officially a grad student.” Steve nods at that, eyes darting up to hers only briefly before focusing back on his hands.

“You deserve it, probably more than any other student. Work so hard.” She knows it’s a sore spot, for both of them, so to hear him huff out even that means a great deal to her. Steve sits back in the booth, holding her gaze as he speaks.

“So, I’m not expecting anything from you. I just ask that you listen to what I have to say– is that alright?” She’s stunned by his meek demeanor, the uncertainty in his expression, but she nods. Steve huffs, his shoulders slackening just slightly as he looks down to his side again before finally holding her gaze.

“It’s not enough– fuck, I know it’s not enough– but I want to tell you how sorry I am. Not just for that night– a-at the hotel– but for the way I treated you the whole time we were together–” his eyes dart back down to his side and she tries to crane over her seat to see just what it is that keeps pulling his attention, but his gaze has already focused back on her as he continues.

“The way I treated you was terrible– and, fuck– you deserve the world– um–” This time, when his eyes dart away again, she leans over the table and sees that what he keeps looking at is an open journal laid next to his lap, his obvious penmanship scribbled across the pages. She huffs, not quite sure what she feels at the realization that Steve had prepared something to say to her. When he looks at her again, worry is splashed across his features. She sits back, for a moment taking in the sight of this man who is so changed from what she remembers. There’s no simmering anger in his eyes, just clear anxiety.

“Steve, I appreciate it, but you don’t have to use a script. We can just talk, ok?” He nods, lightly chewing on his lip. She sighs before continuing.

“Is it alright if I say something now?” He nods again, his eyes unwavering now as he looks at her.

“I know that you really hurt me, Steve. In more ways than one. And I also know that you carry a lot of pain with you, and I’m just relieved you’re finally talking to someone about it. I can forgive you, Steve. And I can be happy for you, that you’re obviously trying so hard to get better. And I also can never forget the way you hurt me. I think that’s going to stay with me for a long time.” It’s a therapy trick, from dialectical work that she had been studying recently, using “and” statements instead of “but.” She means it though, all of those things she said are somehow true at the same time. A heavy silence falls between them, Steve nodding at her words as he stares at his hands. His voice is a hoarse whisper that she can barely hear over the din of the coffeeshop when he finally speaks.

“I’m so sorry. You– you were everything to me– and I just wish I had treated you like it.” There’s nothing else to be said, not really. She lets out a long sigh.

“I should go, I have a shift starting soon. But, I’m really glad we talked, Steve. I hope you’ll keep taking care of yourself.” She doesn’t have a shift starting soon, but she knows she needs to get out of here before she does something she’ll regret later. She slips out of the booth, shrugging her coat back on as he stands. He stammers a bit, running a hand harshly through his hair before finally looking at her.

“Thank you– for everything. You, um, you really changed my life. And I’m just sorry I couldn’t be better for you.” Her heart catches at his words, and she’s moving before she can really think about it, wrapping him up in a hug that he clearly wasn’t expecting, his hands hovering lightly over her back. She breathes in deeply, the scent of him that she had gotten so used to, murmuring softly into his chest.

“Goodbye, Steve.” She’s quick to pull back from him, sniffing away tears that are threatening to spill over as she gives him one last smile, his expression slack in seeming shock at her actions.

She keeps it together the entire walk back to campus, but dissolves into sobs with the soft click of her door behind her.

…

“Red or white, what do you think?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, what was that?” Thomas smiles, laughing lightly.

“What would you like to drink? Are you more of a red girl or do you like the sweet stuff?” She smiles sheepishly at his question. Truthfully, she had no clue which she liked, most of the wine she had consumed up to this point had come in a box. She sighs, pretending to think on it.

“You pick. I’m not exactly a connoisseur.” He grins at that, glancing back at the menu before looking up to the waiter.

“We’ll do a bottle of the seventy-five merlot.” The waiter nods, taking the menu, and Thomas looks back at her with a crooked smile.

“It’s a nice red for beginners. You should be able to handle it, yeah?” It takes every fiber of her being not to roll her eyes at that, instead smiling lightly and nodding. She’s learning very quickly that Thomas is quite confident in himself, flirting dangerously close to arrogance, but she knows her mom would tell her he’s certainly too big for his britches.

She doesn’t want to be here, not really. It’s a swanky restaurant uptown, and she’s in her nicest dress (because Thomas had told her to wear something dressy) and all she wants to do is curl up in bed and think about Steve like she had the last two nights since they got coffee. But she knows she needs to move on, so she white knuckles her way into smiling and laughing at all of Thomas’ stories, making polite conversation. Although she doesn’t have to try too hard at keeping up a dialogue, Thomas seems fine to keep talking all on his own. Quite frankly, he won’t shut up about his research, something she finds funny considering he had seemed so excited for her to tell him about her work.

“Yeah, it’s just a real lightning in a bottle type thing, you know? I’m just glad I caught my idea and pursued it, and now it looks like all my work is gonna pay off.” She smiles, swirling the wine in her glass. She’s decided she really doesn’t like red. Before she can give him some sort of expected response, however, a flashing light catches her eye, followed by the loud blare of a fire alarm.

The whole restaurant gets evacuated out onto the sidewalk. She’s just grateful she had half a mind to shrug her coat on before they all got shepherded out into the cold night. Thomas meanwhile, is less than enthused, scoffing and muttering about how he “can’t believe this, so ridiculous.��

And then a fire truck pulls up, and she can’t help the little kick her heart does at the sight. The throng of people is a bit too crowded together and all she can see is three firemen helmets walking into the restaurant, her shoulders slumping in dismay. It’s a calm affair, at least, the manager comes out promptly and lets the patrons know that there’s been a gas leak and they’ll unfortunately have to close for the night. She has to stop herself from laughing at the scrunched-up look on Thomas’ face, catching herself as she starts to see a way out of this already long night. Thomas sighs, bringing a hand to rest on her upper arm.

“Well, not exactly as planned. But would you like to come back to mine?” It’s entirely too forward, and confirms her hasty exit route.

“You know, it’s been really nice spending time with you, but I have a morning class tomorrow and I should probably just get home.” His grin falters just slightly, brow creasing.

“Um, ok, if you’re sure about that. Can I get you a cab?” She huffs, glancing around and seeing a payphone a little further down the block.

“Actually, I’m just gonna call my friend to pick me up. Save myself a little money, yeah?” His grin has completely dissolved now into something more like a grimace, but he nods.

“Alright, golden girl. I’d like to do this again, huh? Some time soon?” She nods, trying to keep her smile from melting off her face in complete resignation. She does her best not to flinch as he lays a kiss on her cheek, murmuring a low “good night” before he turns and heads off in the other direction, shrugging his coat closer around his figure.

Once he’s far enough away, she sighs, letting out a low curse as she walks over to the phonebooth. She’s frustrated more than anything, at Thomas, but also at herself, that she couldn’t seem to stop thinking about Steve. She leans against the wall of the phonebooth, waiting for her friend to pick up. But when the dial tone just keeps ringing, she huffs, slamming the phone back onto its receiver and shuffling back onto the sidewalk.

The crowd has dispersed, the firetruck still there alongside the restaurant. She cranes her neck, looking for a taxi passing by, but with little luck. What she hadn’t been expecting, although maybe hoping for, was someone calling her name. She whips around, and sure enough, it’s him. He has his helmet cocked on his hip under one arm, his heavy jacket hanging loosely open. Uncertainty is clear across his face as he says her name again like a question. She can’t help but laugh.

“We’ve gotta stop meeting like this.” The furrowed look on his face slackens a bit, enough for him to share a disbelieving chuckle with her. She steps a little closer to him, now seeing that those two young men, the same ones she met over Thanksgiving, are who he’s working with tonight as they load their gear back into the truck.

“Are you– what are you doing out here?” She sighs, offering him a crooked smile.

“I, um, may have been getting dinner with someone at that restaurant before– well, it doesn’t really matter now.” Steve’s face sets in a deep frown, but he nods.

“Can I ask where your date went?” She laughs at that, toeing her shoe into the ground.

“I sort of ditched him. We didn’t exactly hit it off.” She hopes she’s not imagining the flash of something that skitters across Steve’s face at that, but it’s gone in an instant as he huffs at her words.

“Are you alright? Nothing happened, right?” It’s her turn to huff, shrugging lightly.

“I’m fine, just hungry. I didn’t even get a meal out of it, just a glass of really gross wine.” That coaxes a full smile out of him, and she hadn’t realized how much she missed seeing that, such a rare piece of Steve. He rubs the back of his neck, a nervous flutter seeming to run through him.

“Well, I mean, the guys and I are off duty now– we were gonna stop and get something on the way back to the station. You could come with us if you want? We can drop you back at campus too.” She stutters a bit at the invitation. Every part of her wants to say yes, but every part of her knows she should say no.

“Oh, I couldn’t– I don’t want to– like, impose– you don’t have to–” He cuts her off with a gentle hand on her arm.

“I’d be happy to, really.”

And so, she finds herself riding shotgun in a firetruck, stealing glances at Steve in the driver’s seat. He had relegated the other two men to the back before she could say anything otherwise. Definitely not how she had been expecting this night to go.

“What are you in the mood for?” She’s snapped out of her thoughts by Steve’s question.

“Oh, um, I don’t even know. I think just about anything would sound good right now I’m so hungry.” He hums, glancing at her out of the corner of his eye.

“You eat lunch today?” She sighs, a shy smile as she tells him she hadn’t. He knows her too well, and had often gotten on her for breezing right over lunch when they were together. She had gotten worse about it recently, with all her work in the lab and without him reminding her. He just sighs, a slight smile quirking his lips.

“I guess some things don’t change. You must be starving, ba–” He clears his throat, stopping himself from saying whatever term of endearment she thinks he was about to call her.

“I think I know a good spot. Let’s get some real food in you, huh? Wash down that gross wine.” She laughs and is rewarded with another smile from him as his eyes briefly dart over to her. For the first time in a while, it feels like she can take a breath without it getting stuck in her chest.

…

“God, this was such a good idea.” Steve huffs a laugh around a bite of his burger, eyes crinkling as he looks at her where she sits in the passenger seat. She practically moaned when they pulled up outside the burger shop, the same one she had gotten takeaway from on Thanksgiving to share with him. Greasy bags of food in tow, when they pulled back into the station, Steve promptly handed the two men - Miller and Thompson - their orders, all but shooing them out of the truck. He had offered to drive her back to campus right away, but she had told him she’d rather eat with him, while the food was still hot. He didn’t need to know that wasn’t the only reason. So, to avoid the ruckus of a crowded fire station of middle-aged men, they stayed in the truck, eating around shared smiles and simple talk.

She goes to dip a few fries in her milkshake, and Steve groans.

“I forgot you do that. So gross.” She snickers, happily chewing her fries.

“Oh please. You never even tried it. How do you know it’s gross?” He shrugs and shakes his head, but she’s already dipping a few more fries in her shake before holding them in front of his face.

“Just try it, Steve. C’mon.” He grumbles, but gives in, tentatively biting down on the fries. She doesn’t miss the way his lips brush her fingers. He chews slowly, eyes scrunched closed, before letting out a long sigh as he swallows.

“Yep. I was right. That’s gross.” She scoffs and rolls her eyes, but can’t help the grin spreading across her face as she looks at his smug expression. They hold each other’s gaze for just a beat too long, both of them looking away, focusing back on the remnants of their food. Steve breaks the silence first, clearing his throat.

“This is probably a stupid thing to ask, but can I know who you were going out with tonight?” She sighs.

“Steve–” He’s quick to shake his head, his hands up in surrender.

“No, I know– that’s a stupid question and you don’t have to answer.” She leans over the console slightly to catch his gaze.

“It’s ok, really. Um, I went out with Thomas Klein.” She can see the furrow settle between his brows, but she rests her palm on his knee, drawing his attention back to her.

“I went out with Thomas Klein, and it sucked.” His brows shoot up, eyes wide as he looks at her. She just nods.

“Yeah, he’s a grade A dickhead.” Steve’s face crumples again at that as he turns in his seat to face her.

“He didn’t try anything, did he?” She laughs, shaking her head.

“God, no. He just– fuck– he is so full of himself. I think it might actually be a personality disorder.” She’s got him laughing with her now, shoulders lightly shaking. He sighs as they both quiet down.

“Is it bad that I’m kinda happy you don’t like him?” She offers him a small smile, shaking her head as she sits back in her seat.

“Honestly? I don’t think I could like him even if I tried. Or anyone else for that matter. Fuck, Steve– I just– I wish– more than anything– that you hadn’t done that– that night at the hotel.” His face falls, eyes stilled on his hands in his lap.

“I think I wish that more than anything too.” A long silence settles between them until she finally glances at him again.

“Can I just– can I ask why? Why couldn’t you believe me when I told you there was nobody else– why couldn’t you believe what I told you about my research?” He huffs before meeting her gaze, a deep frown across his face.

“My, uh– my therapist says my brain is like a dog with a bone. Once it’s set on something, it has a hard time letting go of it. It was never you– I know you know that– I just– fuck– I felt so out of control around you.” He sighs, flexing his hands before continuing.

“I guess I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop– you were too good for me–” She goes to protest, but he shakes his head.

“You were too good for me– and I knew that and I knew that eventually you’d figure that out– a-and you’d leave, just like everyone else.” His last few words are a hoarse murmur that she barely hears. He clears his throat again.

“It was easier to get angry– it’s always been easier to get angry– so that’s what I did. And the way I treated you because of that– it fucking destroys me thinking about it.” Silence falls over them again.

“I didn’t want to leave. I-I still don’t want to leave.” His eyes dart to hers in a flash, wide and questioning. She shakes her head.

“I know it’s stupid– I should hate you for what you did. But I can’t. I still care about you, Steve. And it drives me mad that I can’t stop. But–”

“But?” He’s leaning slightly over the console, lips parted as his eyes search her face. A few rogue waves have flopped over his eyes and she has to resist the urge to sweep them back. She lets out a long sigh.

“But, I don’t know how we could– how we could go on after that. I don’t think I can do that either– a-and I feel trapped in this– this limbo of wanting you so badly, but knowing I shouldn’t.” She slumps back in her seat, quickly glancing at Steve whose eyes look a touch unfocused, like he’s working through something just out of reach. He finally lets out a ragged exhale.

“What if there was another option?” She raises her brows, her head tilted as she waits for him to continue.

“I mean– fuck, everything about us was a little sideways– wasn’t it? Even that first time at that bar…” He trails off and she can feel heat rising in her cheeks, remembering that night all those months ago. She shakes her head of the memory, focusing back on him.

“What are you saying, Steve?” He huffs, eyes scrunching shut before looking back at her, wetting his lips with the quick pink of his tongue.

“I’m saying– I’m saying I’d give anything to start over with you– to do it right.” She sighs, a deep frown settling across her face.

“Steve, you’re asking a lot of me.” He shakes his head, hand clenching against the wheel where it’s draped.

“I know– fuck, I know– but, losing you– it-it woke me up. I’m still fucked up– I won’t lie to you– but for the first time in a long time, I’m awake. I just want you to have me awake.” She opens her mouth, but promptly shuts it, unsure of what she really wants to say. She can see the pooling tears in his lashes in the dim light of the garage.

“You can’t hurt me like that again, Steve. I think I’d really break.” His face crumples as he takes a shuddering breath.

“I know– I’m so sorry. You don’t owe me shit– but if you gave me another chance– I promise you I’d– I’d rather die than treat you like that.” She huffs.

“Well if you do treat me like that again, I think I’ll have to kill you anyways.” The crooked grin she offers him sends them both into a clipped laugh, silence quickly consuming it. Steve is the first to speak.

“So, what does all this mean?” She shifts in her seat to fully look at him, crossing her arms over her chest.

“It means we’re gonna take this slow. A whole lot slower than before. You’re gonna drive me back to my dorm and you’re gonna ask me out on our first date and I’m gonna say yes. And maybe I’ll let you kiss my cheek.” There it is, that big, bright smile of his that makes her heart roll over in her chest. His eyes are wide, eyebrows raised as he lets out a breathy laugh.

“Ok, um– slow is good, yeah. Whatever you want.” She grins, bringing her hand over his atop the steering wheel.

“Well, I can tell you what I don’t want. Thomas fucking Klein.” Steve laughs so hard he snorts, a sound she had never heard before, a sound she never wants to stop hearing.

She lets him kiss her cheek.

#steve harrington angst #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington #steve harrington au #steve harrington fanfic #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things

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toxicanonymity · 1 year

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Heyyyyy! You can totally ignore this 🙏🏻 but as someone who’s now read most of what you wrote for Joel and enjoyed (!) it, I was wondering if you ever had to justify to yourself the topics you are writing about. I know it’s a fantasy that doesn’t reflect supporting those narratives irl. But do the topics affect you in any way while writing or do you not let it have any hold of you? I’m sorry this is so serious but you are the first fic writer dealing with this stuff that I actively read (after roughly 15 years of reading/writing fanfic) so I’m asking in good spirits and mean no harm or negativity. All the best and I wish you many more successful stories 🙏🏻🌻 ty for the great reads!!

Okay, I’m nervous to answer this one. I hope the answer doesn't upset you because that's not at all my intent. I'm only gonna answer a Q like this once, so fuck it we ball . Only read this if you're comfortable with all of my work.

A few weeks ago, I was talking to my personal trainer about this, and it just so happens that his husband is a sex therapist. Kink friendly, and I know they swing, so that put me at ease and I got in touch with him. Also drug friendly which is good because I had to get high before my first appointment bc I was nervous lol. Random, but when I got there, I found out he also shares a waiting room with a massage parlor, so that's kinda cool too.

First Appointment: Idk how many waivers I had to sign but I didn't read a word of them. Let’s call him Dr. Rock for short - When Dr. Rock came out to get me, I shouldn't have been surprised given his husband is a PT, but this guy was super imposing, like muscles making his arms stick out from his body. At the first appointment, he wanted to know some of my specific characters and stories, which I didn't expect. I was a little shy about that at first, but he kinda coaxed it out of me and listened really attentively. He even took a few notes which made me nervous at first, but he didn't ask any judgmental questions. I felt good when I left, but the next week I was still a little nervous to come back just in case he was waiting until the second session to spring any "concern" on me.

Second Appointment: When I showed up for the second session, he didn't come get me from the waiting room. I was the last appointment of the day and he was running behind, catching up on paperwork, and the receptionist said I could go on back. I walked into his office and it reeked of weed. And he had already taken off his shirt and was wearing a tight undershirt. Okay, Dr. Rock is cool. He invited me to sit at his desk that time instead of the sofa, and I worried it was a bad sign, but it turned out that’s just where the ashtray was. Dr. Rock lit up an actual joint, took a puff, then tried to hand it to me. I declined, I guess I was just flustered. Kinda smoothed my skirt then sat back down. He put the joint down in the ashtray, I thought that’s that.

Then he lunged across his desk, took my head in both his hands, and brought his mouth about an inch away from mine. I opened my mouth, totally frozen, and he exhaled into it. Yeah, Dr. Rock shotgunned me. Then I looked down, and what was he wearing with that tight-ass shirt? PJ pants. Coincidence? Wasn’t sure, until he said “yeah, there’s my bad girl. You couldn’t sign those waivers fast enough, could ya?” He slid across his desk, Saved by the Bell style, I stood up to not get knocked over. He walked over and double-locked his office door. I must've been beet red. Like almost too mortified to be turned on, until he got right up against me and he was hard. I walked backwards to the couch and he pinned me on it.

I was like, “Uh, is J (husband) cool with -”

“Don’t you worry ‘bout him..” He started gnawing at my neck. Shoved his hand between my legs. And yes, yes I was. He was like “Ohh yeah, you know you want it. Let’s see how depraved you can be.” He took off my panties, pulled down his waistband, railed me. At first, I was kinda distracted thinking about if he was gonna ask me questions at the end and stuff, but he was actually really good and well equipped and I forgot all about it after a minute. He was like “Yeah, you want this cock, that’s why you came here in the first place. Hell, J prolly told ya how to get it.” I was speechless. When he was close, he said “Lemme see those filthy fingers you’re always typin’ with.” Then he came into both my hands.

Third Appointment: Next time I came in, I was expecting to have a traditional appointment and have to talk about my feelings in the previous experience and stuff. I was really nervous. Once again, he didn’t come get me from the waiting room, and I was told to go back to his office. But that time, he wasn’t at his desk or even in his office. I sat on the couch - felt less like I was invading his Dr. space that way. I was sitting there in his office, picking lint off my skirt, and out of the corner of my eye I saw someone his size lumber through the door.

I did a double take - blue mechanic suit, popped collar. Triple take - Michael Myers mask, WHAT? My heart was beating out of my chest. I stood up as a reflex. He stood there wiggling his fingers at his sides almost imperceptibly. Then he pulled a knife out! He wrapped his hand around my throat, walked me into the wall, and just stood there. He put the knife up to my throat and I kind of whimpered, and maybe he realized he went too far, because he threw the knife to the floor. Then he just stood there holding me against the wall. I was like, “Should I.. what do you want me to do?” And he just tilted his head at me. I looked down and sure enough there was a huge bulge in his jumpsuit. So I went for it, I unzipped him. He breathed heavily in the mask, then aggressively lifted up my dress and ripped open my stockings. Then he railed me up against the wall. Didn't say a word the whole time. Finished, left me there, didn't come back.

Fourth Appointment: This was gonna be a little awkward because I had an appointment at the gym with J. right after my appointment with Dr. Rock. I didn’t know how much Dr. Rock shared with J. Dr. Rock was running behind again and I started getting nervous about making it to the gym in time to work out with J. I texted J. to tell him I was running late, and he didn’t respond. After waiting for like 30 minutes, I decided to leave because I didn’t want to miss my training session.

I got to my car, started to unlock it, then heard, "Don't you fuckin' dare." I turned around, and Dr. Rock was pointing a rifle at me?? My heart almost stopped. I think this was an actual rifle. I live in Texas so I wouldn't be surprised. It was slung over his back with a strap and all. I looked down and he was wearing boots and TACTICAL fucking JEGGINGS. He put me over his shoulder at first and started back toward the building and I was so nervous about the rifle swaying right next to my head.

I said, "please, I can walk."

"Alright, sweet pea but you better move those pretty legs."

He put me down and manhandled me inside, NOT into his office, but into the massage parlor and threw me down on a DIRTY old massage table. Here's the kicker - there were clients in this room. A bunch of depraved men waiting for their happy ending. He unbuckled his belt while making me pull down my pants and choose where I wanted him. Then he pounded me from behind and pulled me up against his chest. He lifted my shirt and bra up so all the clients could see and degraded them while he fucked me. Like, "yeah this is what y'all came for innit? Buncha sickos. Well she's not workin'. Not this one. You won't fuckin see her again. Better jack it now while ya have the chance." He made the whole room of clients jerk off. Then, when Dr. Rock was about to come, he pulled out, pumped himself, walked over to the nearest table, and came all over the client, who started sobbing. Then Dr. Rock came back to my table and said "you did good, sweet pea" and left.

When I got back to my car, I had a text from J. that said, “Get a good enough workout?”

Sorry for answering your sincere ask this way, but thanks for the perfect opportunity to apply this concept. Hopefully an entertaining way of declining to get serious?

#meta #sorry #dr. rock #night walks!joel #michael myers #raider!joel #ask box #toxicanonymity writer's room #dark!joel #raider!joel miller #dr. rockhard #tw: dubcon #tw: drugs #roleplay #might have more #cw discourse #i guess

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michelleleewise · 1 year

Text

Worthy

Pairing: Dark! Thor x female reader

Warnings: self esteem issues, manipulation, coercion, implied drugging, implied smut (dubcon/somnophilia undertones), power imbalance, mental abuse undertones, controlling behavior, implied stalking, if I missed anything please please let me know!!!

Summary: your work week leaves you exhausted and empty, making you look forward to your weekly appointment.

A/n- dark themes, things are gonna start taking a turn. 18+ only.....heed the warnings for each part! 😁❤️

Part two -- Part three-

You rolled onto your back, rubbing your eyes sighing. The last week weighed heavy on you with demands from work, and to top it off Shaun had showed up yesterday causing a scene. You pushed the blankets off, sitting up you stretched your arms when your phone lit up with a text, seeing a number you didn't recognize you picked it up opening it.

Good morning y/n, I hope I'm not disturbing you. I only wished to remind you of our session today. Dress comfortably and I shall see you this afternoon- Doctor Thor.

You stared at your phone, wondering how he got your number before remembering the paperwork you filled out. An uneasy feeling came over you curious If he always text his clients or if it was just you seeing as every other doctor you had seen the nurse called you. "Probably making sure I don't cancel again." You said to yourself laughing, setting your phone down you headed to the kitchen, in desperate need of coffee trying to figure out what "comfortably" meant.

You pulled up to the building, stepping out of your car you smoothed down your leggings, adjusting your large t-shirt before heading inside, feeling butterflies in your stomach. You had to admit Thor was attractive, more then that he seemed to care. Between your parents being too busy for you and your past relationships no one really took the time to check on you..to make sure you were ok. But Thor had made it a point from the beginning that you knew he wanted to help, that he cared. "If only he wasn't your therapist." You sighed opening the door, seeing the two ladies and..

"Ah y/n! I'm glad you made it." Thor smiled widely at you. "I sure did." You laughed nervously, seeing the black t-shirt he was wearing straining against his toned chest, the sleeves threatening to give out as he flexed his arms, muscles bulging as he turned his head to say something to the lady standing next to him. "Come y/n, ill take you back." He smiled again waving you forward. His sheer size was intimidating, walking next to you he towered over you, your head barely reaching his shoulders. "How is your morning so far?" He asked looking down at you "oh...fine." You said as you followed his lead down a long hallway seeing his brother come out of one of the rooms.

"Loki, what are you doing on this side? I thought you were with a patient." Thor asked crossing his arms "I needed to retrieve some files that my incompetent nurse left." He said holding up a small stack of folders. "I'm sure it was just an accident brother." Thor said as Loki's eyes met yours "yes well, ill leave you to your...work." he snarked, slipping past you, turning your head watching him walk down the hall "you must forgive him, he can be snippy in the afternoon." Thor said next to you. You nodded, stiffening feeling his hand between your shoulders "right in here." He said, waving you to the door his brother had come out of.

You walked in seeing a small table in front of the window, a tea kettle and two cups sitting on it before glancing around noticing the room was bare of furniture besides a small chaise in the corner. You watched Thor walk over to the table, pouring water into the cups "I hope I did not disturb you this morning when I messaged you." He said over his shoulder at you "hm? Oh, no I just thought.." you trailed off as he turned, walking towards you, a cup in each hand "thought?" He coaxed "well, doesn't a nurse or someone usually confirm?" You asked fidgeting with your fingers "well yes usually, here." He said handing you the blue cup, keeping the red one "but I like to be a bit more personal than all that, I want you to know im here if you need me." He smiled bringing the cup to his lips as you looked down at yours "Mm, tea...to help you relax. There is something I would like to try today." He said walking towards the corner of the room.

You took a sip of the tea, the taste bitter on your tongue making you wince "sorry, I tend to make it a bit strong." You heard him laugh rolling out two yoga mats. "D..did you have any sugar, or.." you trailed off looking around "im afraid not, It isn't very good for you." He said, a hint of something you couldn't place in his tone as he looked you up and down "how have you been eating by the way?" He asked, a chill running through as he eyed you. "Um, well honestly I haven't had alot of time with work and everything." You said, taking another small sip of the tea "I did say I wanted you to take care of yourself." He said crossing his arms. "I know...i..I'm sorry i just...it's been a long week." You said looking down hearing him sigh. "It's fine y/n." He said sternly. "I would be more then happy to accompany you to the store, to help you pick out a few things." He continued "oh..well i...I wouldn't want to bother you." You said squeezing your cup. "It's no bother at all." He smiled.

You looked down nodding "ok.." You said quietly. "Finish that and we'll continue" He said placing his cup back on the small table. You took a deep breath, drinking down the tea in large gulps, the bitter taste making you shudder. "Very good, now take a seat." He said taking the cup from you waving at the mats. You walked over, lowering yourself down crossing your legs as he walked over, sitting across from you. "Ok, I want you to close your eyes and focus on my voice." He said. Placing your hands in your lap you did as he asked. "Good, now I want you to let everything from last week go...forget about work...forget about your ex showing up." He said

"wait...how did you..." he interrupted "y/n...focus." He said sternly. "Sorry.." you whispered, your mouth suddenly feeling dry."Take a deep breath in...and release." he instructed, doing as he said your head began to feel fuzzy, his voice sounding far away. "D..doctor.." you trailed off, your head involuntary tipping forward as your eyes opened, your vision blurry making you unable to focus "sshh..your ok, deep breath in and out." He continued. You closed your eyes, trying to focus feeling everything tilt, Thor's voice fading away as the nothingness surrounded you.

ooOOoo

You felt weightless as you floated through the darkness. Your head swimming feeling hands on you, sliding up your thighs to your stomach. Warmth spreading through you feeling a hand pressed firmly on your torso, gliding between your breasts, a moan passing your lips feeling fingers wrap around you neck. You tried to lift your arms, feeling them laying heavy beside you. Your mind slowly coming to the surface as a wet warmth press onto your inner thigh, your inside tightening as it slid up before you felt a hard pinch making your body jerk.

You opened your mouth, your tongue heavy as you tried to speak, a groan coming from your dry throat. You tilted your head, wiling with everything in you to open your eyes, your heart racing as you tried to take back control of your body. A deep voice floated though the depths reaching your ears "beautiful." You heard. You cracked one eye slightly open, your sight was blurry...muddled. only able to make out a tuft of blonde hair before you eyelid dropped again, plunging you back into the darkness.

You felt warmth on your face, a low hum in the back of your mind as you slowly opened your eyes, seeing the sun shining in through the large window. "There she is." You heard, turning your head seeing Thor sitting in a chair next to you, looking down seeing a maroon blanket thrown over you. "W..what.." you croaked, your throat dry and tongue heavy "you fell asleep, so I moved you over here, that floor would do no good for your back." He said smiling. "I..I didn't mean to.." you said, slowly sitting up rubbing your head "it's quite alright, you must have needed the rest." He said standing up, stepping closer his frame towered over you. "Here, I wanted you to be comfortable." He said handing you your shoes, reaching out your fingers grazed his, a chill running up your spine taking them. "T..thanks." You muttered looking down.

"I would suggest going home and getting some more rest, you seem exhausted." He said walking to the door as you slipped your shoes on. You slowly got up, feeling a wetness between your thighs making you freeze "everything alright y/n?" Thor asked watching you. "Y..yes, I'm...fine." you smiled, feeling your face heat with embarrassment, had you had another dream...you quickly walking past him into the hall, wrapping your arms around your middle you made it to the nurses station, seeing Loki leaned over the counter looking at a file "did you have a good seesion?" He asked, not looking up from the folder "um..yeah it was.." you trailed off, your mind going blank "relaxing?" He asked, snapping the folder shut standing up, his height almost the same as Thor's making you step back.

"Brother, leave her be. Take your sour disposition elsewhere." Thor said behing you making you jump. "I was only making conversation, no need to fret." Loki said smirking "have a nice day y/n." He said walking past you down another hall. "Wait, how did he..." you started, not remembering when you had told him your name "we have access to eachothers schedules." Thor offered as he walked to the door, opening it for you as you quickly walked past him into the waiting room "now remember what I said, go get some rest, and I'll be in touch." Thor said, looping his hands behind his back "ok..thank you." You said hurrying out the door to your car, your thoughts swirling as you jumped in, wanting to be home as soon as possible.

You closed your door locking it tossing your keys in the bowl, stripping your shirt off you furrowed your eyebrows seeing your bra straps twisted "maybe when he moved me.." you thought out loud, quickly walking into the bathroom turning the water on as you pulled the rest of your clothes away, tossing them in the corner stepping into the hot stream you closed your eyes, washing away the day. Grabbing the soap you lathered it in your hands before massaging it into your skin, gripping the wall as your vision swam... Large hands caressing you...warm breath on you skin...a shiver ran through you at the feeling. "It was a dream...it had to be." You said to yourself shaking your head.

You rinsed off, grabbing a towel you walked into your bedroom grabbing some pajamas. Setting them on the bed you propped your leg on the bed, drying yourself when you saw a bruise on your inner thigh. "How did..." you trialed off, running your fingers over it feeling a jolt run through you. Your stomach sank as you sat down, your mind running a mile a minute "no i..I must have run into something." You said to yourself looking at the bruise again. You quickly got dressed, laying in bed staring at the ceiling, the uneasy feeling returning making your stomach churn "he's my doctor, he's a professional." You said to yourself, taking a deep breath "He wouldn't..." you trailed off, closing your eyes hoping for a dreamless sleep.

@springdandelixn @mochie85 @chemtrails-club @slytherclaw1227 @irishhappiness @kats72 @prettysourabbie @siriusly--gay

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pup-in-transit · 3 months

Text

At this stage post-op we are about three weeks out from the surgery. Things are healing fine, but not without some complications:

Wound dehiscence at the front of my canal. It'll heal on its own but kind of slowly. Plus according to the trans care nurse I saw it's likely to develop granular tissue, which is treated very easily but it's profoundly inconvenient nonetheless

Urinary tract infection. Search me how I contracted the fuckin' thing but we caught it early it seems. I was given some antibiotics at my last medical appointment, and I hope to christ they kick in soon cuz I had a fever of about 101.6 this morning. Cannot remember the last time I felt that physically weak and miserable. The other day I didn't have the strength to keep my legs prone to air dry properly

There's a hematoma underneath my vulva on my right side. It sounds worse than it is, and it seems to be going down on its own. Still, it is lengthening my recovery time for longer than I want, and it bleeds out of a pinprick sized wound on right side

Ughhhhhh.

Mentally I've been all over the place. I've been going through phases of regret and fear, which as I wrote about earlier this month I experience when I feel particularly bad. It passes just as i expect it too once the pain and dread stops. It doesn't make it any easier to deal with in the moment though. Sometimes you just have to ride the feeling out.

I get asked sometimes what it feels like to be cockless. The honest answer is that is that I don't know yet. I like how it looks and I love not having something dangle between my legs, but it still hurts. I won't be able to use my new parts the way I want to for at least a few more months. I'm still a little too swollen to find my clit too, and quite frankly I miss being able to cum.

I'm not fucking around with my health so despite all of the pain and fever I'm going through I'm still dilating on schedule four times a days and doing my hygiene routines as required. There are consequences if I don't, and I don't want to become complacent and stop. I've downsized to the blue and green dilators for the time being due to the pain caused by my dehiscence. I can always work back up to the orange one once everything heals up more. Right now I want to be sure that I maintain my depth and do so with the least amount of pain possible.

There's someone I follow online who has a Q&A section about their own gender affirming surgery on their social media who has a very salient point in one of the entries. I'm not gonna tag them and risk embarrassing them (but if you happen to be reading this please know that I think very highly of you!), but essentially their point was that, if you're asking someone if you should get bottom surgery of any kind, the answer is no you should not. Asking that means that you're still uncertain about whether or not it's the best decision. If you ask yourself if you want bottom surgery and the answer you come up with is "I don't know," that isn't good enough. For your own safety you need to wait until you are certain. That could take a very long time but it's still the most responsible thing you can.

I had several appointments with therapist and doctors in order to be sure this is what I wanted. When I am in my right mind I am confident in my choice and I don't regret it. You need to be sure you won't regret it too.

Anyway. My next appointment with the trans health care nurse is friday of next week. Luckily my husband is able to drive me since my brother isn't available this time and I really do not want to take transit for that long in order to get there. Ideally my UTI will have gotten better by then. I'll let y'all know how it goes.

#transition journey #introspection

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i-literally-cant-with-this · 9 months

Text

FULL STORY HAS BEEN POSTED.

*Dr. Feel Good (Full Piece)

Here's a snippet from the Sanemi Therapist wip I promised 16 years ago. I'm gonna tag a couple of ya because you said you were interested. If you don't want to be tagged for notifications, let me know, and I'll stawwwpp it.

@desi-the-blue-eyed-kakushi @gingerspicelattemix and @peachdues I read you're feeling down. I hope my weird take on Dr. Shinazugawa cheers you up a bit ♡.

I'll be doing the final touches on the rest of this smut story today!

⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒

Dr. Feel Good

"Hi, Dr. S. I uh, well, I'm not going to be able to make my appointment tomorrow. I'm sorry this is technically less than 24 hours. Bill me for any time you may have lost. Whatev– thanks. Oh, this is y/n, by the way, and it's about 4 o'clock. Bye. You don't have to call me back. Bye."

You pressed the red button on your cell phone and hung up the call with Dr. Shinazugawa's voice-mail and climbed back into your bed. The rain beat against the windows in rhythm with the tears falling to your face.

It was November 1st. Fall was in full swing. And once again, you were not. Your 24th birthday was coming up soon. And you'd fallen into the same routine as last year. Going through the motions: work, family, the few friends you had. But you're fairly certain they were sick of you. So it was just a matter of time before they stopped calling. It's not like you're blowing up their phones to remind them you're still around.

The phone rang. You didn't even bother to see who was calling before you turned it over to silence the assault on your quiet cocoon. [Beep beep]. One more message you won't respond to. "I don't wanna talk. Go away." It started ringing again.

"Fuck, what, hello?" You sniffed and pulled the down comforter off of your face. You didn't want to sound like you were in bed as you squirmed around to get comfortable.

"Hello! Y/n? I just got your message." Silence on your end. "Are, are you there?" You cleared your throat. What's the point of talking anymore. "Ah, there you are." Dr Shinazugawa said a little too cheerfully.

You're surprised by the inflection of his voice. You often thought he was like you; dark. But he was your therapist. You were not his. So you didn't worry about him like you assumed he worried about you. Like you hoped he did. More wasted energy.

"Y/n, c'mon. Will you say something to me?" Sitting up in bed, "Why." You said flatly. You could hear his breath slow a little, and you sort of wondered why his breathing would ease up when you were on the other end of the line. Probably irritating him, no doubt.

"Because I wa–" He stopped for a moment. "I need to know you're alright." There was a pregnant and overdue pause from him. "Y/n? Are you? Ok?" You sniffed again. Could he hear you crying? "Will you please come in tomorrow and talk with me?" He could hear the hurt in your words.

"I'll see you next week, Dr. S. Have a nice weekend. Bye." You took the phone away from your ear before you'd even started to say you'll see him at your next appointment. You didn't want to give him that crucial second before disconnection to try and change your mind. He was just your therapist. Not Jesus. Though you could easily find yourself at his feet asking for miracles. No matter, you weren't terribly religious anyway.

⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒

THANKS FOR

READING!

/\ Sarah /\

#sanemi x y/n #sanemi x reader #therapist #therapist!sanemi #kny sanemi #demon slayer #kny sanemi shinazugawa #shinazugawa sanemi #sanemi kny #sanemi shinazugawa #sanemi Shinazugawa kny #sanemi therapy #forbidden love #love?#lust

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powerpolyculeshowdown · 3 months

Text

hey!! sorry im taking so long to start either of the polls, i was sick for a little while but some other things came up as well, which has made it hard for me to properly plan a whole competition (they take more work then i remembered!!)

i want to write a description for each polycule in the self indulgent one since theres no submissions i could take propaganda from, that plus finding good images takes quite a bit of work that i cant put in right now. But im not quitting!! It might just take me another week or two before i can start.

I debated for a while on whether or not to make a post explaining but (after many years of trying) i was finally able to get an appointment w a psychologist! its next week, im not sure how its gonna go, ive had amazing experiences w therapy as well as some shitty ones, so meeting a new therapist is always terrifying which means my anxiety is through the roof and unfortunately the polls moved down on my priority list because of that. But this is a good thing!! It's vrry hard to get an appointment using our universal healthcare system where i live so this is rlly good news to me!!

Meanwhile, if you follow other polyamory polls (be it ships or characters) that you'd like me to promote, reply to this post w their @ or send me an ask and ill happily share it!!!

thank u for ur understanding, and i will do my best to start the polls before multiamory march ends!!!

#kind of a long post sorry #mod talks

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