#can’t be sad if you can’t feel anything (jokingly but also not. whichever is less sad sounding) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

violetwolfraven · 4 years

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41 for javid would work so perfectly ahfkfjxhsga and/or 34, whichever one u want 🥺🥺🥺

I was scared to come out and ask you out because I didn’t know our entire friend group was gay but I definitely know now???

and

We broke up but I found the letters you wrote me before that and I still love you so wanna get back together? (did I copy this from one specific fic I read? Possibly.)

Ok! Buckle in your seatbelts, y’all! This is gonna be a MASSIVELY LONG THING! Also @61-flaming-sour-cherry-scones I love your url. Just getting that out there. Modern AU, btw. Also does this end in December, 2019, conveniently avoiding COVID? Possibly! :)

...

Jack didn’t mean to find that box, but in his defense, it was not hidden well. Just in the back of his closet, which he hadn’t cleaned out since... damn. Since the breakup.

And Jack was fine with said breakup, by the way. Him and Davey weren’t right together anymore.

And Jack didn’t smile less, or work himself harder as a distraction, or whatever bullshit his brothers, mom, and all his friends said.

If Davey never texted first anymore, or barely even talked when friends asked him to hang out or whatever, that was none of Jack’s business.

Jack had texted Davey exactly once since the breakup, because Elmer had told him that he had an anxiety attack in a bar, which he was only there in the first place because he was designated driver.

Davey had said he was fine, and that meant he was, right?

Davey had not mentioned anything about leaving a shoebox in Jack’s closet. As a matter of fact, he hadn’t mentioned it, ever.

Did it sting that Jack’s ex had kept a secret box of... something? from him? Maybe. Whatever the case, Jack was curious by nature, and he was definitely opening the box.

It was... letters? Sealed letters in envelopes, the earliest one on the very top, in one corner of the box. The only thing written on it was a date; September 7th, 2011.

That would be... 8th grade? Probably the first day of school? Jack was super confused. Still, he opened the letter.

Dear Jack Kelly,

I know this is terrible and corny and I’m probably going to shred this letter with the pocket knife Sarah got for our last birthday, but I had to write it down somewhere.

I think I’m gay. Specifically, gay for you. And I know that’s weird, I can’t stop thinking about you. You’re like the living personification of the moon. (Not the sun. I’ve never understood why people compare their crush to the sun. Nobody likes looking directly at that.) You saw me sitting alone before school and you took me in. I mean it. You brought me over to your friend group and said I was a new kid who was going to be your friend now, and the whole group just adopted me without questioning it. All of you are so nice. At first I thought it was a trick, but then I saw you comforting Blink when he had a panic attack. (Also, I’m still getting used to the nickname thing. That’s still weird and I’m not sure how I feel about the one you gave me.) You were so gentle with him, Jack. You knew exactly how to calm him down and you were so patient with him while you helped Mush drive the fear away. I didn’t think boys our age knew how to be like that. I do now, because of you. Well, and because of Race being, well, Race. I don’t think anyone could mistake him for a bully. Or Crutchie. Or Romeo. Heck, most of your group is just so nice I can barely believe it. I think I’ll bring Saz to meet you tomorrow. She already made a friend, but she said that this girl, Katherine, said she already knows you. Maybe we can all be friends.

I really wish we could be more, but I know that would never work. I can’t tell anyone I’m gay. You’d think I’m a freak. But since you’ll never read this, I can admit it here: I have a massive crush on you, Jack Kelly.

Sincerely, David Davey

Jack was not going to let himself cry about a letter written in 8th fucking grade. He was, however, very confused about why it was in his closet.

A letter from before Davey was out of the closet found in the closet. If Jack wasn’t so goddamn depressed, he would appreciate the irony.

The next letter was dated: September 24th, 2011.

Dear Jack,

We’re all friends now. Gotta say, I already can’t imagine my life without you and the other guys. And maybe I didn’t meet Kath that first day, but she’s probably my best friend, besides you, of course. She’s the only other one with brain cells, besides maybe Specs. Us three had to talk you and the others out of riding a shopping cart Albert stole from Walmart down a hill yesterday. Honestly, would it kill you to be a little smarter? I know for a fact you can be, Jack Kelly. You and the others actually have a fair amount of brain cells each when apart. It’s only when the only group gets together that you all do stupid stuff.

I didn’t shred the first letter. I think maybe I’ll keep these and we can look back someday and laugh about me having a crush on you in middle school. Don’t worry. I’ll find a way to get over it before it ruins our friendship.

I honestly don’t see how I’d survive losing you, Jack. So, please, do me a favor and keep being oblivious to how I really feel about you until I digest those butterflies you give me.

Sincerely, Davey

Damn. Reading that was like a punch to the chest and Jack had to take a deep breath before moving on to the next letter.

The next few were just mundane stuff. Little notes on how Jack laughed or interacted with certain friends or whatever. The way he painted each friend something little for the holidays and how they all had a picnic potluck for Thanksgiving.

Then he got to one that was different: January 22nd, 2012. It was written in a panicked, hurried script.

Oh, damn. Jack remembered what this was about. What happened January of 8th grade.

Dear Jack,

Something’s wrong. You’re on my couch right now, crying. I don’t know what’s going on, but you’re trying to put on a brave face for Les and failing miserably. Medda didn’t have time to say much when she dropped you, Crutchie, Race, and Romeo off, so all I really know is that Blink is in the hospital and she’s gonna pick up Mush before going to see him. Crutchie is trying to comfort you, by the way, but he’s crying nearly as much as you are. Race and Ro are in shock, I think. They haven’t said much. Sarah’s making them hot cocoa. I’m in my room, writing this really quick because I don’t know what I can do. You’re so good at comforting people, but I don’t know how. I wish I knew how you did it. I think I’ll go try one of the things I’ve seen you do with panic attacks. It’s got to be better than nothing.

The rest was calmer, clearly written later.

It turns out Blink is in the hospital because his dad put him there. And he wouldn’t be alive at all if he didn’t call Mush in a panic right when he heard him get home. Mush called the cops and they barely got there in time. Blink was already half-dead when they did, but they managed to keep him alive long enough to get an ambulance. God, I don’t want to think about what would’ve happened if they’d been just a little bit slower.

Medda called you a couple hours ago to let us all know that Blink is in bad shape, but he’s gonna be okay. She’s gonna try to file for custody of him, but Mush’s mom is gonna try, too, just to give him twice as much chance of staying with us. His dad is in jail, but you and me agree that he deserves to die for what he did. In the selfie Blink made Mush send the group chat, there was more bandage visible on his face than skin. It made me so damn angry, but I didn’t show it because you were so angry you almost punched a hole in my wall.

I’ve made a decision, Jack. I can’t be separate from the group anymore. I always hang with Kath off to the side where we can intervene as the voices of reason if needed, but I’m not going to do that anymore, because I. can. not. do this again. I want our friends to trust me like they trust you so maybe if one of them is in a house with a dad that would beat them within an inch of their life, they’ll tell me and I can get them out.

I guess that means I’ll have to get better at lying. I’ve been staying separate mostly to hide my crush. And I think I’m pretty good at that, but being right at the center of things, with you? I’ll have to be careful to make sure no one notices. Especially not you. I hope I can pull it off.

You definitely aren’t making it easy on me, are you? You’re passed out in my bed, for heaven’s sake. But it’s fine. This is fine. I’m fine.

Sincerely, Davey

Jack remembered that night as one of the worst of his life. He’d thought Blink was dead by how Mush sounded when he called. And even though it turned out he wasn’t, he was going to be okay even if he lost an eye, after Jack’s childhood, he’d always hated when he couldn’t protect the people he loved.

Davey had been the one to reach him in that bad place he fell back to, the one where people he loved, kids he considered his little brothers, were getting hurt. Davey had pulled him out of there, and though it would take Jack months to realize it, that was the day he started to fall in love with him.

The next Monday, though, Jack had tried to give him space. Knowing how intimidating it all had to seem, he wasn’t sure if Davey would bail on them.

But he didn’t. Jack had never stopped appreciating how Davey had seen the darkness under the innocent, normal friendship and stayed anyway.

The next few letters were mostly a lot of pining on Davey’s side as he struggled to integrate himself more deeply into the group.

Jack still remembered that shift, how once Davey earned the others’ trust, Jack had gone from being the only one everyone was relying on to half of a pair that a lot of their friends had jokingly called ‘mom and dad.’

It was kind of sad, knowing that for most of them, Jack and Davey gave them more love and attention than their actual parents did, but the two of them would have to do—and they had. For a long time, the two of them were an unstoppable duo of hugs and snacks and homework help.

The letter from June 15th, 2012, had weird spots on it, almost like... almost like tear-marks. It was shorter than the previous ones.

Dear Jack,

Saz just came bouncing into my room to announce that she’s going with you to the Eighth Grade Dance.

I don’t know why I’m sad about it. I knew you and me would never be a thing.

But it still hurts, Jackie. It hurts so much.

I’m going with the rest of the group, just as friends. No one has dates except you, and I think maybe Romeo.

Jack knew for a fact that Blink and Mush had gone together because he remembered accidentally walking in on their first kiss, but apparently, Davey hadn’t known that.

Les is knocking on my door, so I’m gonna have to drop my math textbook on the floor really loudly so I can tell him I’m crying because I fell.

Sincerely, Davey

There wasn’t another letter until 4 months later, Octobe 16th, 2012.

Dear Jack,

So. Something weird just happened. Saz just came into my room and said she’s not going with you to Homecoming because you’re going with Kath. I tried to comfort her, but she didn’t seem sad about it?

She asked me if I wanted to go with anyone and seemed surprised I said I didn’t. (Not like I’m telling her a part of me wishes I could go with you.) Then she mentioned that Blink and Mush are going together, and I don’t see why she cares because if you don’t have a date why not go with a friend, right? Why do girls have to be so confusing?

Sincerely, Davey

Oh. Oh, God.

By the beginning of freshman year, Blink and Mush hadn’t been the only gay couple in their friend group.

Albert and Finch had gotten together over the summer, and so had Smalls and Sniper.

Romeo and Specs were in the ‘flirting terribly’ phase, and though Jack didn’t know it at the time, Race was already sneaking around with Spot by that point.

Ike had asked Hotshot to that Homecoming, though they wouldn’t officially become boyfriends until almost a year later, Buttons and Elmer became official at that dance, and Jojo and Mike had that falling out because of misread signals towards the end of it.

Hell, Jack only went to that dance with Kath because she couldn’t let her parents know she was actually going with Saz.

Homecoming freshman year was... eventful, to say the least.

And Davey had known exactly none of this. That... explained a lot.

Being only freshmen, none of the couples were exactly casual in their relationships. They didn’t kiss in front of people, and a few were too embarrassed to so much as sit next to each other at lunch. With the ones who weren’t embarrassed, it still honestly wasn’t much more than the affection they all already showed among friends.

God, if Jack had known how scared Davey was to come out, as he said in the next few letters, he would have... what? Told him he loved him right then and there? Probably not, but he would have done something differently.

The next really significant letter was dated December 11th 12th, 2012.

Dear Jack,

I have no idea what to think.

I’m in the bathroom right now, and it’s just after midnight on 12/12/12. You and your brothers threw a party in case the world ended with the whole friend group. It was kind of like a New Year’s party, but with a lot more cynical talk about the coming apocalypse and bet placing on what said apocalypse would be. Towards the end, we all got caught up in the drama and sleep-deprivation and started giving speeches about how much we loved each other. It was cringy, but in a good way? I’m sure we’ll laugh about it someday.

Or maybe we won’t. Because I have no idea what to think anymore.

Oh, shit. This was the part Jack was kind of dreading reading.

I’ve been terrified to come out because I thought I’d get kicked out of the group if you guys knew I was gay.

Which was why it was such a shock when the countdown to midnight ended and half my friends kissed friends of the same gender.

Jack remembered yelling at them to break it up. He’d been so busy being exasperated with his kids that he hadn’t even noticed Davey had slipped away until Crutchie pointed it out.

It was quick, so I don’t think I could name all the pairs if I tried, but I definitely saw Sarah kiss Kath, which, honestly, explains a lot.

I can’t help but wonder... Why didn’t anyone tell me? How long has this been going on? Has it been since the beginning and I was just too oblivious to see it?

Oh my God. Now that I’m looking for it, I can’t stop seeing it. The way Blink is defensive and angry all the time and he’s soft for Mush. The way Sarah hates spending time on her hair and she’ll sit for hours letting Kath try out styles on her. The way Buttons and Elmer just do little things for each other every day. None of them are subtle and I am an idiot.

Jack had to laugh at that.

Does this mean I should come out, too? I know now no one would judge me for it, but... I don’t want to mess things up. I love our friends, and I don’t want to lose them. If I lost them, now, it would be because I like you, specifically. Would you be disgusted with me if I told you?

“No,” Jack whispered, before remembering that this was 14-year-old Davey, and he wasn’t here.

I like to think you wouldn’t be, but I can’t risk it. If I lose you, I lose all of them. And if I have doubts about if I could live through losing you, I definitely can’t survive losing everyone. I love them all so much. I love you.

Jack sucked in a breath. As far as he knew, this was the first time Davey had ever said anywhere that he loved Jack.

But I can’t tell you that. So if I come out, it definitely won’t be by saying who I like.

Love, Davey

Jack totally wasn’t crying as he reached for the next letter. It was just current events, random stuff. There were certainly a lot of letters, weren’t there? Davey had documented everything, from Jack attempting to teach him to draw, to the time they both auditioned for the school play, to that time they had to talk Jojo off a ledge when he realized he loved Mike. That one was short but bad. (Honestly, Jack still hated Jojo’s super religious parents for that. Fuck Jojo’s parents.)

Davey did come out in a letter from almost six months later, but it wasn’t until Homecoming sophomore year that things started getting really interesting.

Dear Jack,

I honestly might never talk to you again outside these letters. Sarah’s banging on my door telling me to, and I’m quoting her here, “open the fuck up, David Jacobs.” Mom’s yelling back at her to watch her language. They’re now having a screamed bitching match in the hallway.

Long story short, we were at Homecoming and you asked me to dance. My brain kind of short-circuited, but I said yes right as a slow song came on. Shockingly, you didn’t seem to mind, and you danced with me to Photograph by Ed Sheeran.

Oh, God, Jack remembered that song. It had been their song. He still couldn’t listen to it anymore.

You were singing along to it and smiling at me. It was really sweet, and it was kind of my dream, to be honest, and I guess I lost all control of my body for a second because I kissed you during the last chorus and I didn’t stop kissing you until the end of the song.

Jack remembered that like it was yesterday, because it was their first kiss. It was a million perfect colors exploding across Jack’s brain and feelings he could barely identify swirling into a moment more beautiful than any painting he could ever create.

Then a faster song came on and I don’t know if anyone saw, but I really hope they didn’t because if they did that means they saw what happened next. Which is: I ran away. I ran all the way to my car and drove home and locked myself in my room. Sarah came home not 5 minutes later, so I think she knows, but it doesn’t matter. I don’t know how I can face you after this. In hindsight I think you were kissing me back, and if you were that means I just ran out on you and it probably hurt when I did. If not, that’s even worse because I kissed you and you probably just didn’t pull away out of pity.

Holy shit, I think you’re here, now. I can hear you outside my door with Saz, and maybe Kath, too. She’s trying to calm her down, which, honestly, good luck, Kath. Wait. No. Shit. I guess being her girlfriend has its benefits. It’s just you, now. You’re talking really softly, but I can’t understand you through the door. This is why we enunciate, Jackie.

Jack rolled his eyes on reflex.

I’m still pretty scared, but I think I’m gonna open the door. Scratch that, I’m definitely gonna open it. If you yell at me, I’ll probably yell right back. Funny, isn’t it? How I never would have done that before meeting you? If we have a huge fight, remember that you’re the one who taught me not to censor myself. David never would have even opened that door, but Davey is your monster. Good luck. I’ve out-argued you before, Jackie, so you’ll need it.

I should stop stalling and open the damn door.

If you break my heart, Jack Kelly, I’m going to kill you.

Love, Davey

Reading that last sentance, Jack froze.

If you break my heart, Jack Kelly, I’m going to kill you.

Time was a bitch, because by all accounts, they were both broken-hearted, now.

Jack wiped away his tears and realized there was a little bit more writing.

P.S. I guess you get to live, Jackie, because we had a talk and you kissed me again and now we’re together. Like, boyfriends. I can’t stop smiling. It’s stupid. I’m probably not going to sleep tonight and it’s all your fault because my stomach is full of butterflies and I can’t stop thinking about how much I love you.

Jack didn’t let himself process that, going for the next letter instead.

Oh, shit. November 1st, 2013. This was going to be a bad one. Still, Jack took a deep breath and started reading.

Dear Jack,

Well, today was emotionally draining. (Halloween was fun, but what came after definitely is not.) It’s already past midnight, but it’s okay because I’m sleeping over at your house tonight. After Saz and I explained the situation, Mom and Dad agreed we should. God, said situation it makes me so angry.

Katherine’s parents kicked her out. They found out about her and Sarah, made her pack a bag, and tossed her away like she was nothing.

She’s 16. She’s a goddamn child like the rest of us. How could they do that to her? I guess it’s good she’s out of that environment, where she has to hide who she is and walk on eggshells with every conversation, but she’s on your couch right now, crying so hard she can’t even drink the tea Medda made her. Sarah and you are trying to calm her down, but I hate seeing her like this. Kath always seems kind of unshakable, like nothing anyone says will get to her. I’ve never seen her this broken. Judging by the look you’re giving me from across the room, you haven’t, either.

You think I’m making a grocery list. Medda told me to, seeing as how she’s busy helping clean out your guest room, Saz is on ‘shoulder to cry on’ duty, and I’m the only boy who lives with a girl. Kath didn’t get to pack much more than a couple of outfits and her toothbrush.

You know what? Fuck it. You and me are her parents, now. You’re good with that, right? We’re already stand-in Mom and Dad for several of our friends—what’s one more? Ha ha, you and me have so much practice already that we are going to be great parents for real one day.

Jack sucked in a breath. Real parents? As in, the two of them staying together long enough to have kids?

Wow. That is wildly inappropriate to think about when we’re literally a couple of 15-year-olds. Also, it makes me think about how Kath is technically a few months older, but whatever. I guess I should actually make that grocery list, now, and stop daydreaming about a hypothetical future while one of our kids now is sobbing across the room from me.

Love, Davey

Davey had never even told Jack he wanted kids.

Sure, they were both a little young for that, but in the future..? Jack had always been scared that he wouldn’t be a good dad, after never having a good dad, himself, but sophomore year Davey was right. He had gotten a fair amount of practice with his friends.

That night, when Kath showed up at the Larkin house, crying so hysterically the makeup from her Halloween costume was running and saying she didn’t know where else to go, Davey was the first person Jack called. Him and Sarah had shown up not fifteen minutes later, probably having been lucky not to pick up a speeding ticket (or you know, gotten arrested for underage driving without an adult) on the way.

15-year-old Davey was right. That night was the most broken Jack had ever seen Katherine. Even if it had worked out okay in the end, with Kath staying with them and being their new sister in every way but on paper, Jack still kind of wanted to throat-punch her parents.

It was... oddly comforting, to know that Davey felt the same. He hadn’t shown it back then, knowing Kath needed him calm, but... to be honest, Jack would have feared an angry Davey Jacobs more than an angry Jack Kelly. You’d get punched by an angry Jack, but an angry Davey? He was smart enough to burn down your world. Jack smirked, thinking about how lucky the Pulitzers were that Davey possessed impulse control.

Most of the rest of the letters were just Davey talking about their relationship as it evolved or recounting whatever drama happened to be going on, (with one in the middle of junior year that was basically just ‘wtf Race is secretly dating Spot Conlon???’) because as the only group of out gays in the school, a few of whom happened to be in not-so-good homes, there was always drama.

Then came the stress of senior year, SATs, and college applications. Davey and Jack had a few fights, which were all well documented here. 17-year-old Jack and Davey hadn’t known that those fights were the beginning of the end.

The letter dated June 5th, 2016 was the one that finally made Jack cry for real .

Dear Jack,

We’re fighting again. We have before, but this time, it’s actually serious.

I get that you’re going to school in Santa Fe and I’m staying in New York. What—did you expect me to follow you all the way across the country? I’m not asking you to stay, because that wouldn’t be fair of me. You’ve got dreams and a scholarship to an art school and that is great. I’m happy for you. But I’m not going with you, because why would I? I’ve got dreams, too. Did you think I would put my life on hold for you?

We can’t stay kids forever, Jackie. Growing up means things change. I thought you knew that. Our friends are spreading out across the country and most of the couples aren’t going to be in the same state. Hell, Specs is going to Harvard in Massachusetts and Romeo is moving to Hollywood to go try his luck and they’re not having problems. If your own brother can do the long-distance thing, why can’t you?

I’m scared, too. I don’t want to lose you, either. I know doing a long-distance thing won’t be easy, but when was the last time either of us gave up just because it was hard? Jackie, if I wanted something easy, I would have bailed after we almost lost Blink. My love for you aside, I didn’t because that’s. not. me. I fight for what I love. And I know you do, too, so... so fight for me. I need to know you love me enough to fight for me, Jackie.

I know you. When you want something—really want it, there is not a force in this world that can stop you from fighting for it. I love you, Jack Kelly. I’m not going to stop fighting for you, so please don’t stop fighting for me.

Love, Davey

Jack choked on a sob. He’d failed. Davey had asked him to fight for him and he failed.

Sure, he hadn’t known that Davey wanted him to fight for him, but... God, if he had...

Jack would have fought, would have walked through hell, would have done anything to keep Davey by his side.

He still loved Davey, no matter what he’d been telling himself since the breakup, and... And he needed to read the rest of these letters. Even if Davey started hating him when the fighting got really bad or wrote about what he was feeling during it.

Shit. There weren’t that many more. The remaining letters were spread out somewhere between high school graduation and when Jack and Davey broke up; a year and a half ago, and... and those would probably be the hardest ones to read

Jack waited a bit until the tears had stopped before opening the one from November 20th, 2016.

Dear Jack,

I haven’t wrote one of these in a while. College has been a bitch, but also...

You and me barely talk anymore. We text each other memes about once a week, (don’t worry. you still know exactly how to make me laugh with those dumb little shitposts.) but we don’t really talk. I can’t remember the last time we FaceTimed. I miss you, but I don’t know how to say it anymore.

I’m thinking about this because it’s Thanksgiving break. Of course, it’s good to see everyone. Kath got home this morning. I didn’t realize how much I’d missed her. Elmer texted me a couple minutes ago that he’s an hour away. Of course that dumbass is driving all the way from Michigan. I’m sure we’ll both have more than enough words for him when you get back because you’re flying in tonight.

I don’t know how I feel about that. I should be excited, but... I don’t think I’ve been this nervous about anything involving you since I ran away after our first kiss. I think I preferred it last year, when we were fighting, because even when we were pissed at each other, at least we were communicating.

You remember when we were kids and you always knew exactly what to say exactly when someone needed to hear it? How you helped calm down Kath when she got kicked out, talked Jojo off a roof, and convinced Spot to tell Race he loved him? It was amazing. I never quite mastered that. I usually know what to do, just never how to voice it. But this time, I don’t even know what to do. We’re not on the same page anymore. I don’t think we’re even in the same book.

Jack took a shaky breath. He and Davey hadn’t been on the same page. And Jack definitely hadn’t known what to say to him, either. They weren’t the unstoppable duo they’d been in high school.

But... damn. Those things Davey had mentioned him doing? He couldn’t have done those alone. For all of those, he had needed Davey there, helping him. Maybe that was why it was so hard, being there for anyone since the breakup.

I hate how five years of being an unstoppable duo can be undone in only four months, and it wasn’t even by fighting. If it was a fight, we could solve it, you and me vs. the problem. But there’s no fight, no problem. It’s just you and me and the growing chasm between us.

You know what? It’s probably just the distance messing with us. We’ll be fine. We just need some time together. Thanksgiving will be good for us. And I’m flying out to Santa Fe for the winter holidays to spend it with you, so that’ll be good, too.

I’m gonna text you right now. Your flight probably won’t be leaving for another hour or so, so we can talk. Get back in rhythm.

I still don’t know what to say. I guess I’ll just ask about how hot Santa Fe is in winter and we can go from there. Here’s hoping this makes things get less awkward.

Love, Davey

Jack remembered that text conversation with Davey in the airport. He remembered how much hope it had given him, and how after Jack went back to Santa Fe when the holiday was over, how much better Davey and him had been. That Christmas/Hanukkah had been great, especially considering most of Jack’s classmates were at home and they’d had the dorm to themselves.

Of course their friends and families had known that was why Jack didn’t come home that year, and he distinctly remembered getting texts from all three of his brothers on Christmas morning asking if Davey was good in bed, but that was besides the point.

The next several letters were from their second wind, the rest of the school year. And yeah, they were hard to read, but they brought back happy memories. Even only seeing each other over breaks and computer screens, it seemed that Davey was happy, too. For a while, it had seemed that Jack could have his dreams of art school in Santa Fe and the love of his life.

Then, of course, during that summer of staying together at whichever house more often than not, they started fighting again. Over nothing. Over stupid things. Over who loaded the dishwasher wrong and who said he was going to pick Les up from his friend’s house.

Then they started fighting over big things. Over harsh words Jack never meant and judging by these letters, Davey didn’t meant, either.

August 2nd, 2017:

Dear Jack,

I fucked up. We just had a big fight, I said a bunch of things I didn’t mean, and like an idiot, I let you leave for the airport without apologizing. Now, you’re acting like your phone is already on airplane mode even though I know for a fact your flight doesn’t leave for another hour. Also, I can see that you’ve read all of my texts, you moron, so I know you’re just ignoring me.

Aw, hell, I don’t even blame you. I said some really bad things. I said you love your art more than me, and I know that’s not true. I know you’d never prioritize material things over the people you love, because Jackie, you prioritize those people who have earned your loyalty over everything, including your own mental and physical health. I know because it annoys the hell out of me, how you never give yourself a break. They’re all adults now, Jackie. They don’t need us as much anymore and you never stop acting like they do.

I shouldn’t be angry with you for that. I know with your childhood, trying to protect Crutchie, Race, and Romeo and sometimes failing, you still feel like you have to save everyone. It’s how you’re wired and I love that about you. I wouldn’t change it if I could. I just wish you’d stop running yourself into the ground to do it.

Is this it? I already feel like we’re on borrowed time, here. Sarah says she thought we were going to break up last year. Kath says she’s sure it’s not that bad. (they’re talking about it very loudly in the hallway. or maybe they’re arguing. who knows?) Les just said that my mom said nobody marries their high school sweetheart. (thanks, Mom.)

I think even if we never said it, that’s what we were both hoping for. I know you, Jackie. I’ve watched your favorite romcoms and Disney movies. I know you want the perfect fairytale relationship with the whole package of ‘and they get married and have kids and live happily ever after.’ And I want that, too. I really wanted it with you. Ugh! I still want it with you! I can’t imagine any alternate universe where I don’t want that with you!

It’s probably inappropriate to think about all that. We’re nineteen. We’re not even old enough to drink yet and we’re definitely too young for me to be thinking about marrying you.

Jack inhaled sharply. Oh, God. He was going to cry again.

But for the record... I do want to. I want everything with you and I cannot imagine any circumstance, any extreme, any bad breakup where I stop wanting that.

Just to be safe, though, in case something I can’t foresee happens and I never say it again...

I love you, Jack Kelly. I have loved you from the first day I met you and I can’t see anything happening in any version of reality that makes me stop loving you. You’re still like the living personification of the moon to me and no matter how much you piss me off, Jackie, your glow doesn’t fade. You shined a light on the parts of me afraid of judgement and taught me to shine, too, despite them.

I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you and I probably never will. I just need you to know that.

Love, Davey

Jack was already crying, but he panicked as he realized there was only two more letters.

A part of him wanted to wait. These were words Davey hadn’t spoken to him. These were the last pieces of Davey that were still Jack’s.

But he needed to know. Were these letters from before they actually broke up? After? Had Davey been wrong in the previous letter and he’d stoped loving Jack?

There were no dates on the envelopes. Still, Jack had to know. He took a deep breath and opened the second-to-last one, the paper covered in old, dried tear marks.

Dear Jack,

We had another stupid fight and we tried to fix it but that just ended in more yelling. That’s happened a few times before, now, but this time, it was different.

Oh, no. This must be from the big one Spring Break of their sophomore year of college.

Jack had come home for the break, it had been great to see his friends, but then he and Davey had started fighting. Like, really fighting. Worse than they ever had before.

And then there was the big one. It was two days before Jack flew back to Santa Fe. It was the one where they actually broke up.

This time, you told me to leave. And I kind of yelled at you to just go back to Santa Fe as you shoved me out the door. Then you yelled that if I wanted you to fly away so badly, I shouldn’t bother visiting again and you slammed the door in my face.

I think we just broke up. I’d be angry about it if I wasn’t so damn sad.

God, this is messed up. I know you’re alone on your bed with those stupid Star Wars sheets you’ve had since you were twelve and you locked the door because you don’t want anyone to see you cry. Thinking about that makes me want to run right back there and say I’m sorry.

I wanted to do that the second I got back to my parents’ house, but they convinced me not to. Sarah yelled at them for it. She said I had to make my own decision. They said I’m too emotional to think clearly. They’re right, of course, which is why I’m here writing this and not on my way back to your mom’s house already.

Now, Les is the only one outside my door. Are Crutchie, Race, Romeo, or Kath outside yours? Les is trying to guilt me into opening the door by telling me he cancelled a date for me. I’m not weirded out at all by the fact that my baby brother has way more game than I did when I was fourteen.

Are we really done, Jackie? For good? I keep waiting to hear you out in the hallway. And probably Kath, because she’s a better driver than you. I can’t keep thinking about this. I’m just gonna to go to sleep.

Davey

Jack wiped his eyes furiously. There was one more letter and he needed to read it, consequences be damned.

This last letter was probably from when Davey cooled down. Maybe the next morning or something. If he didn’t hate Jack while he was emotional and raw from the initial breakup, he might in this letter. But Jack opened it, anyway.

My Dearest Jack,

We really are broken up. You haven’t called me, but I got a very angry text-rant from Crutchie (for which he apologized 10 minutes later) which basically boiled down to him saying I broke your heart. Romeo called me, said ‘dude, not cool,’ then hung up. Race and Medda seem to be trying to see both sides, and though Kath did tell me that the last few months have been like ‘listening to mom and dad fight downstairs,’ she’s not offering any advice. I think she and Sarah are waiting for me to come to them.

I’m so sorry, Jackie. I know this is mostly my fault. Still, I can’t make the first move. Don’t forget: I know you. You’re more concerned with other people’s feelings than yours, so if I ask you to take me back and you do it, I can’t be sure you didn’t just do it for me. If we ever get back together, it has to be because you want it, too. However, I know you won’t even consider we could get back together unless I give you a sign, which is why I’m leaving you my letters.

You went back to Santa Fe two weeks ago and I’m finally stable enough to come get my stuff from your house and drop off what little you left in my room. While I’m there, I’m gonna hide this somewhere. I guess we’ll both have to pray no one else in your family finds it. That would be awkward.

When you find this, I want you to think long and hard about what you want, Jackie. I want you to make a decision for you. Goddammit, think about yourself first for once.

If you fight for me, I want you to do it because it’s what you really want. That fairytale romcom ending with me is still yours if you play your cards right. (Don’t think I forgot all the hurtful things you said to me, even if I’m 70% sure you didn’t mean them.) It might take... I dunno, therapy or something, but I still think we can fix this. It won’t be easy, but neither is love. Neither is our entire messed-up, broken group of friends.

I used to think I’d lose all of them if I lost you. Maybe I would have, if I’d messed up like this in 8th grade. But now, I know I won’t, because they’re all blowing up my phone as much as I’m sure they’re blowing up yours, asking if I’m okay. I see now that they need me as much as I need them. And they still need you, too, even if you do need to accept a little more that we’re all grown-ups now.

Where was I going with this? I had a point.

I guess all there’s left to say is that if you still want that perfect ending with me—getting married and having kids and having them call all our friends ‘auntie’ and ‘uncle’—fight for it. Loving someone the way I’m in love with you doesn’t happen twice, so I’m not going anywhere. You know where to find me.

You probably won’t find this for a while. Hell, you’re not even coming home again until summer break. But that’s probably a good thing. It gives us both some time to cool off and think.

So think, Jackie. Think long and hard and make a choice. Fight for me or don’t. In case I never get a chance to say it in person again...

I love you, Jack Kelly.

Love, Davey

Oh shit.

Davey left this in Jack’s closet a year and a half ago. He’d probably expected Jack to find it that summer. In fact, he probably thought Jack had found it and just decided not to fight for him.

Jack still wanted to fight for him. He had no doubts about that.

But did his have to discover this box now? When he was leaving for Santa Fe to finish his senior year tomorrow?

Fuck it. Even if it had been almost two years, even if there was a high chance Davey wasn’t waiting for him anymore, he still had to do this

Driving to the Jacobs house right then and there was probably the stupidest thing Jack had ever done, and that was including riding that Walmart shopping cart Albert stole down a hill in 8th grade with Race, Romeo, and Albert when Davey, Kath, and Specs weren’t there to stop them.

Sarah was the one who opened the door, and she... Jack hadn’t talked to Saz since the breakup, since she’d been staying mad at him out of solidarity. Honestly, he was now realizing that he’d missed her nearly as much as he’d missed Davey. They’d been good friends, once upon a time.

Now, she glared at him, “The fuck are you doing here, Kelly?”

“I...” Jack honestly couldn’t think of a good way to explain this, “Is he home?”

Sarah snorted, “What? After a year and a half, you’ve finally come to your senses and realized you’ll never find another one like my brother?”

“I never planned on anyone like him in the first place,” Jack snapped, “Davey was always... even back in middle school... You think I’d ever believe I could find someone else like that? I’m dumb, Saz, but I ain’t stupid. I always knew I was givin’ up on forever when I didn’t try to get him back, but... but I thought he didn’t want me anymore.”

Sarah froze, then leaned against the doorframe, laughing kind of hopelessly, “You are stupid, Jack Kelly, if you think my brother wasn’t totally gone for you and totally broken-hearted when you didn’t try to fight for him.”

Jack definitely had an oh shit moment, “Wait, do you know? About the..?”

“The box of letters he left you? Yeah. He told me last year, after you left for junior year without coming for him.”

Jack took the last letter out of his pocket, “I just found it.”

Saz took a second to process that before motioning for Jack to come in, shouting up the stairs, “Davey! Get your butt down here!”

Les, sitting at the kitchen table, looked up from his sandwich, “Holy shit. Jack?”

“Hi, kid,” Jack said, trying not to be weirded out by how the now-16-year-old was taller than him.

“Davey?” Sarah yelled again, clearly impatient.

“Alright, alright! God, Saz, what couldn’t wait 10 se—“ That was when Davey looked up, seeing Jack in his kitchen.

“That couldn’t wait,” Sarah said pointedly, “Les, let’s go... not be here.”

“If I eat in my room, Mom’ll kill me,” Les said, picking up his sandwich, anyway.

“Eat in my room, then.”

Jack and Davey were silent until the other two Jacobs siblings were upstairs.

“Why are you here, Jack?”

Jack had to take a deep breath before he responded, “When was the last time you went somewhere besides school if somebody didn’t drag you out of the house?”

“What?”

“Do the people who love you say you’ve changed? Do they keep saying they need a designated driver only to try to get you drinking and dancing like it’ll make you smile?”

“What are you—“

“Are there songs you can’t listen to? Movies you can’t watch? Have you so much as called someone back when they gave you their number?”

“Jack,” Davey looked at the ceiling, “What’s this about?”

“You once said you wouldn’t put your life on hold for me,” Jack said, “And you were right not to. I can be overprotective, sometimes. No one should put their dreams on hold because of a lover, but... my dreams are the only thing I haven’t put on hold, Dave. I ain’t been living since I lost you. Not really. And when our friends all said I was smilin’ less, I never let myself think about it, because if I did, I’d have to think about how much I was still hurtin’ over you.”

Davey laughed sady, “Jack, if you really wanted me, you would have fought for me a long time ago, so—“

“You’re talkin’ about the letters?” Jack asked, holding up the one he had on him, “Davey... I just found them. Today.”

Davey was silent, his face completely unreadable. Jack was holding his breath.

“Jack Kelly,” he finally smiled, “I should have known you would take this long to clean out your damn closet.”

“I think you spent enough time in the closet for the both of us.” Jack joked.

Davey rolled his eyes, “Very funny, Jackie. Anyway... I don’t think it’s any secret that we can’t just pick up where we left off.”

“Of course not.”

“So... coffee? If we’re trying again, I’d prefer to take things slow.”

Jack nodded, “Probably a good thing I’m going back to Santa Fe after tomorrow. That ain’t enough time for us to do something we’ll regret.”

“Yeah, I guess mostly just texting is one way to take it slow... speaking of which, one of us should probably text the group chat.”

“Oh yeah,” Jack grinned, “They’re gonna freak.”

#newsies #javid #javey #jack kelly #davey jacobs #jack and davey are the mom and dad friends #sarah jacobs #katherine plumber #background newsbians #background blush #background spromeo #background belmerttons #slight angst #violet’s writing

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creepypastashavecomittedtaxfraud · 4 years

Note

wholesome jeff with an s/o hcs? i love that stink man

i ALSO love this man 💗💗💗!!!!!!!!!! excited to do these for you!

jeff the killer:

Well...he’s not exactly the definition of wholesome and nice...but since you get the ultra exclusive title of Jeff The Fucking Killers Partner he does make an exception . less explicitly Mean On Purpose to you for sure. sure he still fucks around and messes with you but ... theres a softer edge to it. a lot less like how he intentionally tries to piss off his friends and start fights because he thinks its funny and he’s a jerk . with you he’s more .... affectionate teasing. and if he hurts you he gets sad and takes it back , and will ease it off for a while.

he doesn’t sleep very well, so sometimes he just stays up for hours cuddling you while you sleep. doesn’t mind it. it feels good to not have to be alone while being awake all night. it’s creepy (which, well youre dating jeff the killer it comes with the territory) but he likes watching you sleep a lot. he likes how peaceful you look. he sees a lot of sleeping people obviously but well. doesn’t get to sit around and just watch for very long, you know.

and it really just feels surreal to him. how comfortable and peaceful you look. how sweet you look, being close to him in the dark. when killing sleeping people is kind of his thing. you look almost happy, just laying there in his arms like that cuddled up next to him and shit....idk. much to think about . he doesnt see people really just throw their trust at him like that

lets you look at and touch his scars . mouth ones and yknow whichever ones you want to if you want to, he’s got plenty all over from the job. some of them are pretty fucked up looking which you might think is cool. he kind of likes it when you ask to see them , they are sort of a point of pride for him, especially the mouth ones obviously. secretly really likes it when you kiss him on his mouth scars ...makes him blush . wouldnt say that out loud, but you can tell.

always takes a second to just...talk to you..check up on you before he leaves to work . part of his routine. he puts his fingerless gloves on and his coat and double checks on his knife and he just..goes and talks to you. asks if youre ok. if you need anything. lets you know he’ll be out for a while. ........gives you a kiss and a hug if you want...........like he won’t ask for it but he’s secretly really hoping you will so he has an excuse

you worry for him of course, and its like a sigh of relief every time he comes home... alive. sometimes totally unharmed ! sometimes a little beat up but mostly fine. sometimes really fucked up. but always alive. he’s always very quiet after coming home but after getting checked up on by EJ and washing off the blood he basically crawls into your arms and settles down for the night with you. surprisingly cuddly when he’s in this state... i guess he just likes the comfort. don’t expect him to talk , but feel free to talk to him. he will listen intently, without any sarcastic comments or bitching , guaranteed . it’s sort of nice, but also you sort of miss it. he’s fine and back to normal when he wakes up the next day.

this man has so many walls built up , but theyre all made of glass because you can see right through his inability to navigate genuine affection and tell he absolutely loves any kind of romantic attention you give to him. he just doesn’t know how to reciprocate properly. but he tries.

likes grabbing your hand/arm before you walk out of the room in the morning and kissing you on the head. or if he’s feeling like it, on the neck/collar bone . whether you react by blushing and kissing him back or rolling your eyes a little and jokingly shoving him away in annoyance is up to you.

likes messing up and ruffling your hair . likes it even better if it annoys you. really likes annoying you if that wasnt obvious. he likes getting a reaction out of you , thats kind of just how his affection manifests.

he spends a lot of time alone. especially really late at night when he can’t sleep, which is sort of often. if you wake up in the middle of the night and he’s not there, go looking for him. you’ll probably find him wandering around outside. or sitting on the floor of the kitchen staring off into space. or maybe in the bathroom staring at himself in the mirror blankly. or something similar. he’ll always be smoking or sipping on something. don’t startle him, but if you gently call out to him or he sees you, he’ll stare at you for a couple long seconds before putting out his cigarette or setting down whatever he’s drinking , and gesturing for you to come over. he’ll pull you in and sit or stand there and hold you quietly for a while, maybe swaying or rocking back n forth slightly . you don’t need to say anything .he’ll come back to bed really soon. he’ll be really glad you came looking for him.

#jeff the killer x reader #creepypasta x reader #Enjoy !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#went over board with these as always....cant help it #Anonymous

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itubainaretro · 4 years

Text

In a parallel universe Sander and Robbe are neighbours and Sander has a cat called Ziggy PART 2 (PART 1)

It’s been a year since Ziggy made her way into Robbe’s apartment and both her and Sander made their way into his life.

A lot has changed since then, like Sander and Robbe going from neighbours to friends to maybe each other’s crushes to definitely each other’s crushes to proper boyfriends, or the fact that they are now living together at Robbe’s apartment since Ziggy and Sander spent most of their time there anyways, or them having a really nice old lady as their new neighbour, who loves them to death and treats them like her own sons, inviting them for dinner at least once a week, who they made sure to warn about Ziggy’s ways of entering people’s homes without being invited as soon as she moved in, or the fact that now Sander really believes Ziggy likes them both equally, spending as much time as she can with both of them.

Some things still stayed the same, though, like Ziggy’s favourite place in the world being Robbe’s couch, now their couch, Ziggy following whoever is going to the kitchen to get a treat, Sander still hating that stupid uncomfortable chair he had sat in so many times when all he wanted to do was cuddle with Robbe on his couch many many months ago, their date nights consisting of ordering pizza and watching whichever tv show they were into at the time, Ziggy sleepily laying between them on the couch and them loving to spend as much time with each other as they could manage, between classes and work.

If he was being honest with himself Robbe never thought about having pets, much less a cat, he always thought he was a dog person, but that all changed when Ziggy entered his life, clearly. He never thought a cat could change his life so much, and not only in the sense that she brought Sander to Robbe, but Ziggy was a source of calmness, safety and love that Robbe desperately wanted to have in his life. She taught him something new every day, how to deal with stress, how to be patient, how to help Sander when he was having an episode or simply a bad day, how to help himself deal with a bad day, how to be more compassionate and how to love.

So yeah, Ziggy taught him how to be a better person in general and maybe it’s because of her and everything that she means to him that he’s currently making his way back to the street where he saw an abandoned box with a small white kitten on his way home from classes to rescue that little kitten that has no business being all alone in the cold weather at such a young age if he and Sander have a perfectly lovely and warm place for it to stay.

Sander notices Robbe is hiding something as soon as the later walks in and is frozen in place, eyes wide just like a deer in the headlights, when he notices Sander is already in their living room, sat on the floor, Ziggy lounging by his side, his hand on her fur, softly going from one side to the other, lulling her back to sleep.

“You’re home already?”, Robbe asks confused.

“Yeah, I texted you. My professor’s wife went into labour and she couldn’t make it to the academy today, so she dismissed us.”, Sander is smiling as bright as the sun as he says it.

“Oh, I must have missed it. Sorry.”

“Don’t worry.” Sander winks at him. “But do tell me, what are you hiding in your jacket?”, he continues jokingly, not thinking much of it.

And Robbe was never good at hiding stuff from people, let alone from Sander, so he doesn’t see the point in lying. “Please don’t kill me, but I just couldn’t bear the thought of leaving her alone in the street. It’s fucking cold today.”, and while saying this he opens his jacket to reveal the small kitten all curled up on his left arm, that he left inside the jacket to hold the kitten close to his chest and keep it warm on the walk back home.

“Robbe.”, Sander is already on his feet, walking closer to them, with a small smile on his face.

“Please don’t kill me”, he says again.

Sander hugs them both close to his chest. “I’m not going to kill you, it’s okay, love. It just surprised me, it’s all.”, he gives Robbe’s temple a kiss.

They fuss around the little kitten for a while, checking if she Has any injuries, if she needs to be cleaned, if she’s hungry, and start thinking about a list of things they need to do: get her a vet appointment, buy her a little bed and buy kitten’s food (that Sander patiently explained to Robbe that needed to be different from Ziggy’s food as she was probably just some days old).

Robbe is currently holding her and he wonders if it’s normal to love something so small in such little time. He voices his thoughts out loud.

“We’ve had Stardust for an hour and a half, but if anything happened to her I would kill everyone in this room and then myself. Is this normal?”

Sander chuckles and then smiles at Robbe. “Stardust?”, he wonders.

“Well, we already have Ziggy, and you were the one to name her, so I though I should be the one naming the newest addition to our little family, and Stardust seemed fitting, so…”

Sander cuts him off with a kiss. “I fucking love you”, he can’t help but say it when he sees the smile plastered on Robbe’s face, “and I love her name too.”

Ziggy wakes up half an hour later and makes her way to the couch to see what Sander and Robbe seem to be so happy about and as Robbe sees Ziggy approaching the couch, he passes Stardust to Sander’s free arms, and picks her up to smother her with kisses. She doesn’t seem to like the smell of another cat on him, so she makes a disgusted face and jumps down from his lap.

Seeing Robbe’s worried and sad face, Sander tells him that it’s okay, Ziggy will come around and it’s normal for things like that to happen in the beginning.

Some hours later Ziggy jumps on Sander’s lap demanding attention, not caring that he smells of someone else, she’s just tired of being all alone and needs some love right now, so Sander promptly starts running his fingers through her fur and thinks about taking her to the kitchen to get her a treat, but Robbe’s laugh brings him out of his thoughts and he looks at him with a confused face.

“What?”

Robbe has a small sad smile on his face when he says, “Ziggy looks so sad to have a baby sister, look at her, oh my god”.

And indeed she looks sad, ears down, big eyes all sad, looking longingly at Robbe, who’s holding Stardust against his chest. Sander looks at her and shakes his head, smiling softly, “She’s always had a dramatic streak, she’ll be fine, though. She just needs to get used to it.”

They snap a pic of her looking like that anyways.

And it seems like they underestimated how big Ziggy’s heart actually was and how fast she would be willing to get over herself and welcome the new kitten to the family, as not even twenty minutes after them snapping a pic of her all sad looking she was carefully making her way to Robbe’s lap to get a closer look at her new sister.

Robbe looks surprised at her but opens his arms and welcomes her in. Ziggy arranges herself around Stardust and Robbe swears his heart is about to explode when he sees them wrapped around each other like that. He wraps his arms around them and asks himself if this is what heaven feels like.

Sander laughs when Robbe voices that thought out loud and snaps a pic of the three most important things in his life too.

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this is for @feathers-n-silk because she’s lovely and talked about them getting another kitten and naming it stardust, so part 2 is all her idea, thank her. and also for @lightinthed4rk because she’s a sweetheart and never tells me to shut up when i come up with ideas at ridiculous hours. i love you both.

(sorry for any mistakes, english is not my first language and no one proof read this)

#wtfock #wtfam #rosander fic #sobbe fic #robbe x sander

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tellthosewithpowersafeintower · 5 years

Note

Any headcanons for Three’s the Day? I just don’t see a lot of content for them and I love them.

HI YES ALWAYS

ALWAYS ALWAYS

(Please ask me about Three’s the Day I am always waiting for the opportunity to chatter away about them)

I’m a little bit insecure about how these came out but I had so much fun writing these. I hope you like them!

Jack always has paint on his hands or smudged on his face or in his hair

Davey tends to get ink smudges on his hands or face as well

Crutchie thinks it’s adorable (even if he can get really exasperated with how these idiots forget to take care of themselves)

Many days after cuddling and kisses Crutchie and Davey and Jack all end up covered in paint and ink

Crutchie has discovered the fastest way to get Davey (and also Jack) to stop talking is to kiss them

Maybe he likes doing that a little too much

And also both Jack and Davey can ramble for hours if someone doesn’t stop them

Most of the times the others are more than happy to listen

Especially because Jack and Davey are both so adorable when they get really really excited, but sometimes they’re slowly stressing themselves more and more out

And if Crutchie can stop them talking for a minute usually they’re so surprised by the time he’s telling them he loves them and going on he can get them to listen

Jack has so many drawings of Crutchie and Davey

He just has pages and pages of drawings of the both of them

After Jack hesitantly started showing Davey more and more Davey really wanted to do something for Jack

So a few nights letter he comes back to the Penthouse with a piece of paper in neat script clutched tightly in his hand

Jack jokingly asks what it is

Davey goes bright red and stammers for a very long time

Even Crutchie and Jack, who have kind of become experts at Davey’s little tells are just

Very. Lost.

It takes them a little while to calm Davey down

Davey gives Jack a poem he wrote

Because he doesn’t get art but he gets words

Basically he’s just. Very nervous because he doesn’t think it’s near as good as any of Jack’s stuff

He thinks it’s garbage but Jack almost cries

He loves it

Jack never gets rid of it

Davey also has one for Crutchie

That one came with a flower a few mornings later and Crutchie was very happy

Davey wouldn’t let Crutchie stick it on his crutch like the strike sign

Crutchie is the one who wants to teach Davey to fight first

Honestly Davey is a flustered mess through most of it but by the end Jack and Crutchie have successfully taught him to throw a decent punch

Even if Jack and Crutchie both know they’re both probably going to be halfway out the door just after making certain he’s okay to try and soak whoever hurt him

They’re all fairly protective over each other but they talk a lot

Communication! Is good!

Crutchie is self-sufficient and very much has a sense of his limits

As a disabled kid on the street he’s realized that pushing himself to try and achieve as much as “just anyone else” is a dumb ideology and more likely to screw him over further than help his image at all

Because if he puts himself in bed for several days after overworking himself trying to prove himself he can’t work for anything for a while

He’s learning to appreciate his achievements and he loves telling his jokes

One thing he really loves about his joke is seeing his boyfriend’s response to them because he and Jack feel very accomplished when they get Davey so happy he stops trying to muffle his laughter because he’s just too happy

Crutchie can still be really stubborn about accepting help, but he trusts and loves the newsies

But he’s learned how to manage his limits by going to bed earlier if he needs to or heading home early (even if he really hates doing so)

Usually unless he’s really upset about other issues Crutchie does a fairly good job taking care of himself

Jack and Davey stress a lot and are less good about their own self-care

Crutchie usually has to wrangle whichever one isn’t deep in work to try to and hunt down the other one

With kisses and cuddles and blankets

Jack tends to get into ‘frenzies’ of painting for really long periods of time and forgets to take care of himself

He struggles with his self-worth, and coming from his past his boyfriends aren’t surprised

Even if they’re sad

Crutchie and Davey are beyond supportive

Slowly as he opens up more and more about things they’re growing together

And helping him find healthier coping mechanisms

Even simple things like knowing when he wakes up he’s not going to be alone is helpful because he knows he’s going to wake up with Crutchie, or Davey, and some very lucky days with both at his sides

His newsies adore him

Davey stresses himself out a lot and usually someone else intervening and just showing support helps his mentality SO MUCH

He’s been… really anxious for a long time

Crutchie and Jack have talked a lot with Davey and have learned a lot of the ways he calms himself down

But sometimes he’s so worked up he can’t remember all of those things

Jack and Crutchie have learned how to calm him down when he’s really bad off, and can sometimes see when things are starting to stress him out

Then it’s just trying to intervene, get into a new place, and calm things down before they get Really Bad

They all have problems bc none of them are perfect

But they love each other and are willing to work to make something this wonderful last

Even though he’s not as wild and extroverted as the other boys Jack and Crutchie love him even on days when he’s a lot quieter and doesn’t feel like talking much

He’s slowly learning that his friends appreciate he’s comments whether or not they show how socially awkward he sounds or not

Crutchie is the big spoon

I am including this because I feel like it is important information okay

Crutchie and Jack are very cuddly and Davey is so soft for them both

#jackcrutchiedavey #three's the day #jack x crutchie x davey #jack x davey x crutchie #newsies #newsies headcanons #newsies hc #newsies hcs #my hcs #my writing #jack kelly #davey jacobs #david jacobs #crutchie #crutchie morris #strike day headcanons #strikestrikestrikeday

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halfgclden · 4 years

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character meme for cleo;;; brotp meme for: l/katie, l/keaton, chase/ellie, chase/lulu, parker/kerri, parker/faye, jordan/victoria, ime/fizz, cleo/fizz;;;; headcanons: ☆ for chase, ☮for parker/faye, ★ for ime

Cleo

2-4 songs that are probably on their iPod: The Orion Experience - Cult of Dionysus, Chance The Rapper - Cocoa Butter Kisses, San Cisco - The Distance, ABBA - Voulez-Vous (fun fact: Cleo only has two tattoos that are pure text and one reads “VOULEZVOUS” and the other reads “ANGELEYES” because she Knows what’s up)

the one place they sometimes end up falling asleep – where they’re not supposed to: it’d be in the woods or the strawberry fields, but this happens very rarely

the game they’d destroy everyone else at: she loves pool and loves making people think she seems bad at it so that she can bet them lol

the emoticon they’d use most often: ok it’s between 💕 and the pleading face but that won’t show up on the computer so

what they act like when they haven’t had enough sleep: she gets pretty cranky lol. it’s like when she can’t choose an outfit normally she just figures something out but when she’s tired and can’t pick out an outfit she wants to cry and not get out of the shower until the water runs cold.

their preferred hot beverage on really cold nights. or mornings. or whenever.: she likes chai lattes or mulled wine, depending on the mood

how they like to comfort/care for themselves when they’re in a slump: she likes to take baths but she can’t really do that at camp lol (which makes her extra sad), so she’ll do yoga, light some candles, and then play sad music over her headphone and pretend she’s in a music video as she stares out the window (bonus points if it’s raining and/or she’s on the bus)

what they wanted to be when they grew up: a writer, and then an architect (the second of which she’s actually got a degree in)

their favorite kind of weather: she likes it when it rains, but a warm rain, because it reminds her of home

thoughts on their singing voice (decent? terrible? soprano? alto?): she’s got a pretty good voice that she doesn’t do anything with but sing along to the radio/her playlist (but also get her drunk enough and she’s way down for karaoke)

how/what they like to draw or doodle: she mostly draws plants and things of that nature (ha, get it?)

L/Katie

who steals french fries off the other’s plate: L and every single time she pretends she didn’t do it and then laughs her head off at her own joke

who jokingly moves in for the kiss when someone asks if they’re a couple: gonna ignore this bc ya

who has to bust or bail the other out of jail: i can’t see either of them getting arrested but maybe katie because L went to a protest or something and got caught up in arrests???

who gives the other advice/comfort about dating issues: katie seems like she’d give good advice. she was probably like “L what’s up with you and Blue n Rosie?? stop being a useless lesbian” so ya c:

who shamelessly cheats at games by reaching over to cover the other’s eyes: i feel like katie does this and L just giggles

who immediately calls dibs on the top bunk: ummm they both seem like they’d be like “no, you take what you want” “no, no, i insist, take what you want” lol

who starts and who wins the pillow fights: L starts them and they both get tired rather than anyone winning

who says “your pants would look better on their floor” to the other’s potential crush: omf would either of them???

L/Keaton

who steals french fries off the other’s plate: see above lol, but she’d take them from Keaton less often and offer some of her own as well

who jokingly moves in for the kiss when someone asks if they’re a couple: ha neither they’re both like “EW”

who has to bust or bail the other out of jail: keaton is so tame but i can see some unfortunate thing happening that he got caught up in and he calls L all embarrassed bc he’s like “i don’t want rory to worry too much”

who gives the other advice/comfort about dating issues: i think L is the one that gives more advice and comfort!!

who shamelessly cheats at games by reaching over to cover the other’s eyes: L and keaton lets it slide because she’s a goober

who immediately calls dibs on the top bunk: lol L so that keaton can get the bottom bunk with his leg

who starts and who wins the pillow fights: they seem like they’d each throw a pillow and L would flop dramatically and give a death monologue

who says “your pants would look better on their floor” to the other’s potential crush: neither?? idk

Chase/Ellie

who steals french fries off the other’s plate: chase always and ellie’s like “YOU HAVE UR OWN” and chase is like “YA BUT URS LOOK BETTER”

who has to bust or bail the other out of jail: look ik its always chase in jail but ellie has such a temper i feel like she’d be the one to be arrested lol

who gives the other advice/comfort about dating issues: umm chase gives comfort, not advice, and he also doesn’t date so i guess that answers that

who shamelessly cheats at games by reaching over to cover the other’s eyes: lol chase?? he’d cheat by changing his card to say what he wanted it to with his powers

who immediately calls dibs on the top bunk: chase says give me top bunk or give me death

who starts and who wins the pillow fights: i feel like chase would start one jokingly and end up yelling “i surrender!!!” over and over again as all the siblings team up against him

who says “your pants would look better on their floor” to the other’s potential crush: omf definitely not chase. i feel like ellie WOULD tho and chase’s hair would turn bright pink

Chase/Lulu

who steals french fries off the other’s plate: they each steal so many fries from each other that they might as well have eaten their own fries

who jokingly moves in for the kiss when someone asks if they’re a couple: it’d have to be lulu

who has to bust or bail the other out of jail: ok it’d be lulu busting chase out but also the idea of lulu going to jail and then making friends w all the inmates is so funny to me lol

who gives the other advice/comfort about dating issues: they seem like they both wouldn’t?? chase might be like “u have any crushes?? is it carly?? u should do an interpretive dance to her favourite song i bet she’d fall for u then”

who shamelessly cheats at games by reaching over to cover the other’s eyes: lulu and chase is like “oh!! i can not see! i must be blind!”

who immediately calls dibs on the top bunk: i feel like they’d actually race each other for it lol. chase pulls her off as she’s going up the ladder, lulu oils it so he can’t get up, they both have to sleep on the floor

who starts and who wins the pillow fights: lulu starts them, chase is too good at them, but also i can see her and logan and carly all teaming up against him here too

who says “your pants would look better on their floor” to the other’s potential crush: gods why can i 100% see lulu saying this and chase being like “noooooo”

Parker/Kerri

who steals french fries off the other’s plate: parker and kerri is like “why didn’t you get two orders????” and he’s like “bc you got one that i could eat (:”

who jokingly moves in for the kiss when someone asks if they’re a couple: lmao parker and kerri’s like “get ouTTa here valentine”

who has to bust or bail the other out of jail: i can’t imagine why parker would go to jail but it would probably be kerri busting him out lol

who gives the other advice/comfort about dating issues: hmmm kerri bc parker’s not good at advice oR comfort lmao

who shamelessly cheats at games by reaching over to cover the other’s eyes: kerri only did this once when she realized how dumb the move was in chess and just took it back. parker didn’t even realize what her mistake was

who immediately calls dibs on the top bunk: parker would want the bottom bunk tbh

who starts and who wins the pillow fights: kerri and parker’s like “oh so thAt’s how it is???” and she gives up before it gets too intense

who says “your pants would look better on their floor” to the other’s potential crush: omf parker?? but only when he’s in a certain mood and then kerri’s like “you can’t sAy that”

Parker/Faye

who steals french fries off the other’s plate: parker tried once and got one warning. next time he’s getting stabbed

who jokingly moves in for the kiss when someone asks if they’re a couple: neither, faye just gags loudly

who has to bust or bail the other out of jail: lmao parker and he’s like “tsk tsk” and she’s like “not another word”

who gives the other advice/comfort about dating issues: lmao they don’t talk about this stuff with each other

who shamelessly cheats at games by reaching over to cover the other’s eyes: um if parker tried this he Would get stabbed

who immediately calls dibs on the top bunk: faye calls dibs on whatever she wants that day and parker’s like “ugh” and argues for like five minutes just to argue and then lets her have whichever she wants

who starts and who wins the pillow fights: they don’t pillow fight anymore because every time they did it would get too serious lol

who says “your pants would look better on their floor” to the other’s potential crush: um this seems like more of a faye line but would she say this to jack ???

Jordan/Victoria

who steals french fries off the other’s plate: jordan doesn’t get food, he just steals victoria’s fries and then she’s like “vvvvvvv why didn’t you just sAy you wanted friES????”

who has to bust or bail the other out of jail: if jordan ever got caught, victoria. but also if victoria ever got caught doing something w cyrus i doubt she’d call jordan lol

who gives the other advice/comfort about dating issues: umm they Don’t

who shamelessly cheats at games by reaching over to cover the other’s eyes: they shamelessly cheat in other ways lol

who immediately calls dibs on the top bunk: jordan teleports there and sticks his tongue out and she’s like “well i wanted the bottom bunk ANWAY asshole”

who starts and who wins the pillow fights: jordan starts them and nobody wins them bc he runs away but vic counts that as him giving up so she wins lol

who says “your pants would look better on their floor” to the other’s potential crush: both of them are like “ew” but also vic would just to annoy him

Ime/Fizz

who steals french fries off the other’s plate: hmm fizz steals them and ime lets her

who has to bust or bail the other out of jail: ime has to bust fizz out and fizz is like “don’t say it” and ime’s like “u shouldn’t have gotten caught” and fizz is like “i told u not to say it!!!” and then she’s like “ugh just don’t tell alec they’ll cry” and ime’s like “hmmmmmmm… ok”

who gives the other advice/comfort about dating issues: lol ime gives advice and fizz is like “omfg did i ask??”

who shamelessly cheats at games by reaching over to cover the other’s eyes: neither of them need to do this they just play and let their powers go wild

who immediately calls dibs on the top bunk: hmm fizz

who starts and who wins the pillow fights: umm ime starts fizz wins?

who says “your pants would look better on their floor” to the other’s potential crush: ime says this to caine and fizz is like “i’ll kill u”

Cleo/Fizz

who steals french fries off the other’s plate: ummm fizz but cleo would offer anyway

who jokingly moves in for the kiss when someone asks if they’re a couple: lol cleo would

who has to bust or bail the other out of jail: cleo does nOt seem like the person who fizz would call but she’d come get her if she did

who gives the other advice/comfort about dating issues: cleo’s like “ugH i like someone” and fizz is like “can u be a little quieter abt that please that’s gross”

who shamelessly cheats at games by reaching over to cover the other’s eyes: they cheat in other ways thank u v much

who immediately calls dibs on the top bunk: ummm cleo will say she’s fine with either and then fizz chooses the one she wants and cleo sulks lol

who starts and who wins the pillow fights: cleo starts them by accident, fizz wins

who says “your pants would look better on their floor” to the other’s potential crush: fizz?? to make fun of cleo mostly

Chase

☆ - happy headcanon

chase will leave post it notes on his sibling’s doors/on the bathroom door/mirror to remind them to take their vitamins, grab their glasses on the way out the door, or pick up milk (and things like that). it started as a way to remind jesse that he should wear his glasses more but now caspar or ellie will also wake up with a little note on their door with a doodle that’s like “don’t forget an umbrella today! its supposed to rain!!

Parker/Faye

☮ - friendship headcanon

parker loves having a friend that he can be competitive with and also kind of be a total bitch with. he likes the fact that they banter and don’t talk about anything too serious

Ime

★ - sad headcanon

ime’s grandmother died only a few months after they arrived at camp. they were able to go home for the funeral, but they didn’t even know that she’d been sick and feel as though they never had a proper goodbye

#char: ime #char: parker #char: chase #char: cleo #answered #parkerfaye #lkeaton #lkatie #cleofizz #imefizz #chaseellie #chaselulu #jordanvictoria #parkerkerrigan

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truthofherdreams · 6 years

Text

please don’t stop the music (3)

also on ao3

There is something almost comforting about classes starting, even though Lara Jean has to get acquainted with a whole new set of professors and fellow students. But there is something to be said about waking up every morning with a purpose, and keeping her mind busy with lectures, readings and homework. Chris thinks her crazy for how organised she is – from her pastel highlighters to her neat notes to her pretty schedule above her desk –, not that Lara Jean pays her mind. They might get along, but it soon becomes clear Chris and she have opposite views on their academic performances. Which is fine with Lara Jean, really. Nobody can be at the top, that’s why it’s the top.

At least she gets one week free of acapella before auditions are held, and so one week away from Gen’s deadly stares. The girl doesn’t scare her, not really, still Lara Jean is careful. Even more so since Chris dropped the Peter bomb on her.

She hasn’t seen him around since the activities fair, which obviously means that he’s right there in the food hall on Wednesday when she gets her breakfast before her 9am econ class. She toys with the idea of running away for a second, but then he’s raising his head from his plate, his eyes meeting hers, all surprised glee and boyish smiles, and she knows she’s done for.

She piles more pancakes that is probably healthy on a plate, pours herself a cup of tea, and goes to pay. All in slow motions. All to push down the inevitability of having to sit next to Peter Kavinsky.

“Hey, Covey,” he greets her when she finally plops down in the chair opposite his. “Bright and early?”

She steals some time by sipping on her burning hot cup of tea, and it only makes him grin more. Idiot. “You’re one to talk,” she manages to reply after a while, nodding to his still damp hair and flushed skin.

He obviously already took a shower, while she’s still in her pyjamas. They’re on two very different levels of early-birdness right now.

Peter only shrugs. “Morning training has me up at 6 every morning.”

She lowers her cup, eyes a little wild. “What.”

Everyone and their mother told her it was madness to take a 9am class and that she soon would regret it. Lara Jean always replies that she likes waking up at the same time every morning, as part of her routine, so it really is not a problem. She would be awake anyway, so might as well be productive about it.

But six am? Every morning? That is madness, indeed.

Peter simply shrugs with one shoulder, before he shoves another spoonful of cereals in his mouth. “The gym is always empty this early in the morning.”

“I wonder why,” she replies.

He only grins for a moment, head tilted to the side like a curious puppy. There is something too soft about his features, and his eyes, and his smile. Lara Jean has to look away.

“Well yeah, that’s the point. Nobody to steal the treadmill from me or to judge me when I’m lifting weights.”

“But why?” she wonders out loud. Why would he put himself through such a drastic regimen every morning, when he could just sleep in and probably still looks just as good. She doesn’t say that out loud, though.

“I’m part of the Lacrosse team,” he explains. “Scholarship.”

Her mouth opens in a small ‘oh’ of surprise as understanding dawns on her. She has vague souvenirs of Peter playing Youth Lacrosse when they were in primary, jokingly calling it 3L – Little League Lacrosse. It makes sense that he would keep with it in high school; Peter has always been an outdoor kind of boy, when she was just fine reading inside. The neighbours’ tree house had been a happy in-between for the two of them.

“So you’re a masochist,” she comments.

Peter presses a hand to his hand, faux offended expression on his face. “Damn, Covey. Since when are you so savage?”

She’s the one to grin this time, hiding her giggle in a sip of her tea. It reminds her of primary school all over again, of the recess time spent playing games together and the play-dates watching Harry Potter and Disney movies and running around her garden, yelling like animals. It was a simpler time then, without having to worry about her father and Kitty, or helping Margot with chores, or writing down meal plans for the week. A time when all three Covey girls were just that – girls, who knew nothing of heartbreak or maturing too soon.

It’s always been easy, with Peter. He was her first friend, from the very first day of school, sitting next to her and telling her how he liked her little combat boots. She wasn’t used to be friends with boys then – it was Margot and her, for the most part, and she was fine with it – but Peter made it easy. Comfortable. Fun.

And he still does, telling her about his Lacrosse career and his daily training sessions every evening with the team, and how all the other dudes are so much more buffier than him. Hence the extra training in the morning, to keep up with them. In return, she tells him about Margot in Scotland, and Kitty being such a little feminist warrior, and how she loves to bake whenever she can. Which isn’t all that easy when she’s sharing nothing more than a kettle and a microwave with an entire floor of college students.

“I remember you mom used to make those little Korean pastries,” he says, using both his hands to mimic a round shape. “With like, red bean stuff or something.”

“Hwangnam bread,” she replies, and hopes he doesn’t notice how her whole body went tense for a second there, a little startle of surprise at how casual he brought her into the conversation.

But of course, it’s Peter, and he notices. Eyes a little sad, shoulders slouching ever so slightly, “I’m sorry, I didn’t…”

“It’s fine,” she cuts him off with a wave of her hand. And, truly, it is, in some weird, probably inexplicable way. The hurt will always been there, at the back of her mind, but. It’s less painful now, dulled with time. “I’m just not used to people talking about her so casually.”

Usually, people are very good at toying around the subject. They’re not very good at being casual about it, though. Too many teachers being so awkward around them when it was time to make a Mother’s Day present, so many people apologizing too many times about it like it was somehow their fault. And dad, who’s so good at just keeping it all in to the point where Kitty once asked her if he didn’t love mom anymore. It’d broken Lara Jean’s heart so much she’d cried herself to sleep that night, unable to explain that dad does that because he still loves mom so damn much it hurts.

“Well, her pastries were great. And she was, too.” A pause. Then, “dad left us like, a year after you guys moved out. Got himself a new wife and a new house and a new family. They even got a dog and shit.”

Lara Jean’s mouth opens but, for a few moments, no word come out. She has no idea what to answer that isn’t the damn hollow apologies she hates so much. So instead she says, “Oh Peter…” and her voice goes lower, softer.

“It’s fine, really,” he replies, even though his tone makes it everything but. “It’s just, I know what it feels like. People being weird at you trying to act like the situation is normal even if it isn’t.”

Lara Jean remains silent for a while, her pancakes abandoned in favour of staring down at her hands in her lap. She doesn’t have many memories of Peter’s parents or family life, only that his mom runned the local antiques store that Lara Jean loved so much as a child. There was this one necklace she always admired, and Mrs Kavinsky even let her try it on for a little while once. But, beside that, Lara Jean can’t remember anything. Can’t remember if the Kavinskys looked happy or not.

When she still doesn’t speak up, Peter simply adds, “Well, that was deep,” and it makes her laugh out loud, a little nervous and breathless. He’s grinning again when she looks up at him, eyes crinkling and dimples in his cheeks, and she finds herself blushing for no reason. She coughs, then shoves some more pancakes in her mouth.

Chewing and swallowing, she decides it’s time to move on to things that are a little lighter and less awful. “Owen must be so grown up now.”

Peter groans, head tilting back. “He’s driving mom fucking crazy, doing nothing of his days beside playing Fortnite and watching videos of like, David Dobrik.” He shakes his head, like he him can’t believe it. “She keeps wishing he took after me and was outside all the time.”

“We can’t all be kind of the lunch hall,” she comments as an educated guess. Something funny twists in her stomach when Peter is the one to blush. Maybe not such a guess after all. “Too bad they live far away from each other, Kitty could force him to go outside once in a while.”

“Oh I remember the little monster,” Peter grins.

Kitty was barely more than a baby when he last saw her, running around the house and screams like a banshee. Nothing much has changed on that subject, comes to think about it. Lara Jean wonders how long it took her this time, to hack the TV’s parental control and gain access to HBO all over again. Two days? Three at most? Damn, but Lara Jean misses her already.

She thinks of sending her baby sister a quick good morning text, and so grabs her phone from her pocket, only to notice what time it is. Her class starts in half an hour, and she still needs to shower and get ready.

“Shoot,” she softly curse, which of course makes Peter laugh. “I have to get ready for classes.”

“Yeah, sure. Let me go back up with you.”

Which is how Lara Jean learns that he lives on the fourth floor, while she and Chris are on the third one. Not so far from each other, especially since they can hang out in whichever floor’s common room if they feel like it. Which, Lara Jean doesn’t want to sound presumptuous, but maybe they do.

(She refuses to think of Gen right now.)

Peter holds the elevator’s door open as she gets off and turns toward him, fishing for her door card in the pocket of her cardigan but not moving down the corridor. Like she wants to enjoy any spare second with him she can get.

“That was nice,” she comments.

“It was,” he agrees. “Guess I’ll see you on Saturday, then?”

“What?”

“The party after the audition?” When Lara Jean doesn’t react, only offers him a blank face, he explains, “I’m part of the Ransom Notes. So I’ll see you at the acapella party.”

The elevator’s doors close on his wink.

Chris has a lot of explaining to do.

#covinsky #covinsky ff #covinsky fanfic #to all the boys I've loved before #fanfic #ff: tatbilb #ff: please don’t stop the music

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