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#dont know how thatll work just trust me
amoebeau · 8 months
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both things are unrelated to each other im just never gonna post art if i dont make a dump of all the things i do
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tulpafcker · 1 year
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i am gonna b real yall dunk on twitter for the "i say i love pancakes and someone goes 'so you hate waffles then?' no bitch thats an entirely new sentence" thing but you guys also do it too. tumblr also does that.
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freakurodani · 11 months
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top 5 haikyuu moments !! (can be particular scenes or episodes or arcs) :D
OKAY!!! so i had to gather visuals for this one bc i have many feelings about this!! I went for scenes that no matter how many times i watch, they never lose their magic for me, no matter that i know theyre coming, it still takes my breath away and makes me roll around with delight, these most of these i feel like are probably pretty obvious ones, they were meant to be impactful but ough, if they dont tear me up in the best way
SO IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER
1.
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I mean, what can i say??? what IS there to say?? theyve been teammates for a few weeks at this point, but hinata has given all his trust to kageyama and in turn, kageyama promised to use it to its full potential. its also a promise for their rivalry!! like, okay okay okay think about it, with the context we have with Kazuyo, kageyama has *already* decided that hinata is going to be his someone better! he sees it innately and he wants to draw it out of him, and he's, hes trying to be *hinatas* someone better too!! do u understand *shakes you* do u see what i mean!!! i mean, im sure u do, im definitely not the first person to go insane about this and ppl have probably also said it in a way thats smarter than me but just, ough
2.
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its,,,, its,,, the acceptance of it all,,, i just think about how *alone* kageyama must have felt after his grandfather passed, we see and know that hes not good at connecting with people. hes bad at communicating and hes sensitive and he's scared of getting complacent. like, the all youth camp arc and atsumu calling him a goody-two-shoes is kageyama struggling with how he is changing, how hes trying to incorporate the influences he's gotten from his betters, and he cherishes it, but he's also felt like the advice he'd been given didn't also mesh with certain parts of himself. or, thats how i read into it, anyway. he tries so *hard* to be what ppl need him to be, and he's *so scared* of being rejected again. and this is hinata (and the rest of karasuno) telling him "HEY! we like you! we think you're smart and you dont have to shoulder connection all on your own! let us help you connect with us in a way where you feel comfy too :)" and then they talk about how they want communication! and it works!! and i just *rips into a pillow with my teeth*
3.
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HINATA'S PERFECT RECEIVE!!!!! so the inarizaki match is probably my favorite?? there are so many good moments but *this?* you wanna see me go insane? do you want smth thatll make me tear up? every time!! its just!!! a beautiful culmination of all of hinatas hard work that he's put into during the year! its his change of mindset! its his growth!! he's fallen a level deeper in love with volleyball and ive fallen a level deeper in love with his character
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halo around the moon <3 Tsukki's block, his hard work, his character arc and development and everything is just *chefs kiss*. i remember the first time i watched the show, i,, *hated* tsukishima, and i think we definitely arent supposed to like him at first, but GOD does that turn around!! and this moment just feels so *earned* and *epic* and in the end HE STILL ISNT SATISFIED!!!!! he STILL wanted more!!! this point was worth 100 god fucking damn!!
5.
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im talking about the inarizaki match again!! but this time with a focus on Tanaka, who kind of struggled with this match! he was in a low place during it, felt stagnated and lame. Tanaka, as a character, i would say is best characterized by his mental fortitude and stability, funny enough. He's wild, but i think part of his visual design lends that as his base (since he's often compared to buddhas/monks). But in this match, we get more depth, we see him falter and struggle! it takes more than just a slap to his cheeks to get better (tho tsukishima does point out that he gets out of his depression pretty fast) but like, tanaka uses meaningful cognition to break his rut, and its also just like, advice that I've seen used for stuff like any kind of creative block as well. The visual during the animation, he's climbing up the stairs, he's slowing down, he's coming face to face with a canyon, a plateau. He sees two options, give in, or push forward and he picks "the cooler" one, and struggles forward, forces himself ahead! and kageyama backs him up too, by not letting him back down, assuring him that his usefulness hasnt reached its end and AUGH I LOVE A TEAM YALL
okay thank u so much for the excuse to ramble about haikyuu moments that mean everything to me <33333
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studioboner · 2 years
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How do you paint digitally every time you paint I am just so impressed
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Erm....i think most ofmit boils it down to me being used to the media ngl....
I can explore colors and etcmbcmi know exactly hownthis brush will behave so im not negativlynsurprised by it.... its the old default opague watercolor from CSP btw
Tho i tend to follow some steps that may help if u want to do some linelessmlike this? Mind you, im talking about "tips on how to draw like i do and how i view art"... this isnt a guide on how art shoukd be made in general, have fun with ur own style !
Very basic shapes with dynamic poses
The build up of layers of paint is important for rendering. "Trust the proccess" and dont give up halfway
It's helpful tonfocus on rendering the focalnarea more than the rest if you worry about the eyes being draw to a specificmplace, dont want to overrender an area you dont want alot of attention gone into...
Look up underpaint and what it is, if you usentransparent media brushes like i do, thatll work even digitally and not just on trad art!
If youre not up to doing weird color shifts(hue contrast) then i recommend strong lighting! It will create value contrast that helps you art be read better
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starsambrosia · 3 months
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Ahh nooo i did all the self care things and im still depressed 😔 the fae are calling me to the forest and id like to answer but my headspace is really bad rn so i dont trust myself with them today...unfortunately i still need to build a bond with local faefolk at least the ones down by the train tracks, Prince really likes playing his lyre for them and Deos enjoys telling storys in exchange for safe passage but i just feel like crying today i want to go to them and go cry in the woods like i used to back home i want to escape to the forest with the fae and the nymphs and actually be understood and feel loved by people
I feel so empty
So empty
I have people i love but theres something different about the spirit something different about the magic realm that feels all encompassing in the warmest most wonderfull way and i miss so badly just going out alone in the woods to just be. I want to i really do but i just cant get my body to move
Im too afraid too scared of whats out there because last time i set foot outside towards that road i was almost run over (on purpose) like they tried to fucking kill me. Who??? Some bitch who hates my guts. when?
Like...two years ago...so he probly dosnt give a shit but im still so afraid i honestly think it mightve been a little traumatic considering he almost ran into a ditch to try to hit me.
I wish i could go home
I should meditate, maybe thatll help...i just miss nature i miss feeling grass and trees and the dirt roads. I feel like im in a prison again and its mostly my own fault for being so afraid...ohjghhgh Ares how do you stand me im so pathetic some days
But i know i know its more pathetic to sit and wallow than to accept my limitations and chip away at getting stronger over time.
A soldier cant carry on if theyr constantly beating themselves up about the fall they took years ago, time to get over it, i lived, i want to visit the forest, i deserve to visit the forest free of fear, i deserve a safe place to enjoy
Am i going to go there now? I dont know
I wish some one could come with me, maybe ill ask the gods for some support with this or maybe Ares would like to work with me through it...i dont know but for now i need to rest im on like 4 hours of sleep i should be resting, not pushing myself to have a breakthrough when im not in good condition.
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t-urbulence · 1 year
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i ammmm fuMMmmINGggGGG
rant about work lol
okay so i will be taking driving lessons right. 2 hours/day once a week. With travelling there, waiting for the bus etc i will miss 4 hours per week, right
since I have to work my ass off anyway, I was already planning to do a bunch of overtime, I dont even care that I cant take note of it, I didnt write it up last year, im not gonna do it this year, ill just get my job done so i can leave for my little concert adventure from february 20th to march 3th without any guilt that im leaving my trash behind for my coworkers to deal with, right. thats something _I_ want to do, like i need time to do my work x)
like thats my work conscience, like i want to do my job.
But with the driving taking 4 hours out of my day once per week, i thought that lets say tomorrow as an example, ill leave work at 8AM, and get back at noon, thats 4 hours missed, right? so that day, i would stay in two more hours to work, and then the next day, thursday, i would also stay 2 more hours at work to catch up with the work i shouldve done in those four hours. so in those two days, i should work for 16 hours, right? 8 hours on wednesday, 8 hours on thursday. with my plan, i could work 6 hours on wednesday (8 hours - 4 hours (driving) + 2 hours (staying after work) and then 10 hours on thursday (8+2 more hours after work).
so i end up wotking 16 hours together in those two days makes sense? makes perfect sense
HOWEVER
My boss told me that i need to take my PTO out to cover the driving days. she told me to take out five days, which account for 5x8 hours, so, 40 hours, so that covers 10 of my driving days, since 10 x 4 hours is 40 hours. which is how much ill be missing.
BUT ????????????
i will have to stay in aNYWAY x") cause i WILL have to catch up with the work i missed x) i cant just be like okay i was driving whatever. no, ill have to do my work, so ill stay in aNYWAY. so i take my PTO out AND i stay in more. but i cant write it down as overtime because overtime cannot be recorded (because my boss says that if we cant get our job done in 8 hours then we're not suited for our position lol)
but in thIS CASE IT WOULDNT EVEN BE OVERTIME it would be just REALLOCATING my ALREADY EXISTING TIME also i had to take out 5 obligatory days for the first week of january when we werent allowed to work i have to take out ten days for Adventure Funky Town TIme in february then i take 5 more days off for driving, thats 20 out of my 30 days a year off x) and that will only cover 20 hours of driving!!! Because mind you im gone for 4 hours a day, but only 2 of those hours is spent with driving lessons. and you have to drive like at least 50-something hours. so. thatll be at least five more days off so that leaves me with 25 days taken off and 5 days remaining. which ill have to keep for obligatory end-of-year PTO when the office is mandatorily closed so.
no more days off for the year for me uwu!
you know what?
you know Fucking what?
ill do it. ill take my days off ill work my ass off, ill work 60 hours a week, ill work in the weekends, i wont say a SIngle word, i wont write down my overtime, i wont have any more days off, that february break is gonna be my One Holiday for the year
then eventually ill overwork myself to the point of exhaustion and when i completely make myself sick then i can go on a sick leave and they can Eat. My. Taiiiiintttttttt
this just feels like im not being trusted???? or like... cause on one hand, plain overtime i can kind of understand. if my boss thinks you have to be able to finish your work in eight hours and if you cant thats a you problem, that i can accept even though i dont agree with it
but this wouldnt even be overtime, this would just be like, reallocating those four hours to Slightly later o_o
does she not trust me to do actual work????
just out
not to toot my own horn but if someone is known for doing whatever they can to finish work on time at the office then its me
and i never said a bad word at work
i dont complain (at work, i complain on twitter... and now here x)), i dont boast about how much extra i work
when my Bosses see it they see it, if they dont, i dont care, i just want to finish my work
so this just feels like im not being trusted???? or like... cause on one hand, plain overtime i can kind of understand. if my boss thinks you have to be able to finish your work in eight hours and if you cant thats a you problem, that i can accept even though i dont agree with it
but this wouldnt even be overtime, this would just be like, reallocating those four hours to Slightly later o_o
does she not trust me to do actual work in those hours???
not to toot my own horn but if someone is known for doing whatever they can to finish work on time at the office then its me
and i never said a bad word at work
i dont complain (at work, i complain on twitter... and now here x)), i dont boast about how much extra i work
when my Bosses see it they see it, if they dont, i dont care, i just want to finish my work
also, i have hundreds of hours of overtime from last year that i never wrote up, but kind of kept track for myself just so I Know x) I never once asked to be paid for that time, i didnt take any time off for those hours i worked extra so... why did i stay in all those hours for? to do my work. thats literally all the benefit i got out of it and she thinks id stay in just to fuck around? does she think thats what ive been doing so far? x)
chrrrist im annOYEd
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dyketubbo · 3 years
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im rewatching doomsday (comps of all povs of course) and. yeah i just.. feel bad for the lmanburgians. i dont know how i could just. say these people deserved it, when they all sound, panicked and desperate and so so fucking sad. long long ramble under the cut as i recount the events and pick out a bunch of little things
even the day before then is painful. ranboos panic room. ranboo and tubbos talk (tubbo admitting that hes wrong, saying he believes that history is repeating itself and trusting ranboo because he believes in his loyalty), fundy showing the ring toss. tubbos surprise at being told to kill dream before stating that quackity would be in control if he didnt (god, did he plan to fail?). tommy being so so excited. everyone playing ring toss and cheering on jack. tommy still believing in tubbo. tubbo panicking. ranboo and tommy and techno talking, ranboo giving them info. dream placing walls and quackity instructing tubbo on where to kill dream. dream lying about the community house. the entire community house debacle. just, everything.
and then doomsday itself. having to frantically get there because it started early, tubbo only having diamond armor to protect him, fundy standing still after he sabotaged them. tubbo and ranboos genuine despair about the apiary.
tubbo eventually going nonverbal and actively putting himself in danger, not even moving away from techno at first and getting in the way of the firework launcher. tubbo trying to save tommy from the fireworks, ponks broken "dont come over here!" after she was trying to save his cat, tommys face falling and desperate attempts at convincing techno, ranboo going "its all gone", niki spiralling and silently burning down the tree, quackitys pure anger. all the death messages.
jack going "what is there left to protect", tommy brokenly trying to accept that its gone as tubbo and quackity blankly do accept it. jack going "i lost everything again". tommy desperately trying to understand dream, on the verge of tears as he asks why dream didnt just hurt him. his low health and food as hes unable to do anything anymore, his quiet gasp as he spots ghostbur, tubbos tiny shake of his head when dream says dream and tommys story wont be over.
tubbo and quackity breaking the repeaters. ghostburs "i didnt even know we were fighting". ghostbur finding out phil let friend die, hes pained "phil? but i- i gave, i gave phil to look after. and dream found me friend, and technoblade said we were friends", tommys pained talk about technoblade. "we were never his friend. to him, all of this was just an act of politics, an act of clout and a-a social ladder, and you won't remember. tubbo you will, and to you big q, this was a friendship. but to technoblade, this was a ladder. and techno climbed to the tippity talk. do you wanna know the only way you can go? on the ladder? -- and once you reach the top of the ladder tubbo, you can only go down."
quackity asking to sing the anthem again, him strumming as ghostbur sings (and tubbo and tommy joining in). ghostbur forgetting the second verse because it blew up. quackity remembering it, them stumbling through it. tommys "tubbo? im so so sorry", tubbos quiet "its okay." the four all singing together. tubbo looking at the lava with an ender pearl in his hand, tommy correcting quackity and going "our l'manburg". ghostburs speech about friend, about people not taking him seriously just because he has memory loss.
meanwhile.. phil and techno were laughing. cracking jokes. phil mocks them as he spawns withers on the apiary, going "ohhh noo not the bees!". techno shouts at tommy and shoots at him and tubbo. he kills jack and doesnt even notice that it was one of his lives lost. jacks death itself proves that it doesnt take any particular intent, doesnt have to mean anything to the killer. techno and phil were willing to kill people. it would be foolish of them to act as if there were no risks in the terms of canon lives, especially with phil. phil doesnt take ghostbur seriously, treats his despair as an opportunity to drill in a lesson. the most either of them lost was some of the dogs and used up potions, fireworks, and wither skulls
and then theres dream. dream whose been harming the l'manburgians since the beginning, who had taken tubbo hostage, offered eret a chance to betray them all, who had been the man in tommys walls and offering money to tubbo and jack to try and get them to destroy things, who tried to get tommy to kill tubbos villagers. dream, who took tommys discs over and over, who killed tommy twice in one day, who stopped caring about his friends that loved him and were so so loyal. dream, who helped schlatt and pushed wilbur deeper into his spiral, who even then tried to manipulate tommy.
dream, who helped destroy l'manburg the first and second time, who took advantage of tubbo so he could have a premeditated kidnapping of tommy. dream, who abused tommy, physically, psychologically, emotionally. dream, who degraded tubbo and had taken ranboos memory book (which btw, since ranboos memory loss counts as a mental disability with the memory book as his aid, thats dream taking the thing that aids ranboo in dealing with his disability).
dream, who had been the reason l'manburg was created. dream, who got to destroy l'manburg three times. dream won. and techno and phil dont regret it, dont care.
maybe l'manburg was never meant to be. and sure, it started with stealing and an attempt to monopolize on potions but. that wasnt even l'manburg then, was it? it was just wilbur and tommy having fun. l'manburg came after. after the police hurt them. l'manburg started as a silly little revolution, led by a naïve man who thought he could win wars by saying no. it was a place for a family, a place for them to escape from dream. it was a place to try and escape the harm of those outside the walls. it was meant to be safe, even if those against them made it hard to be. it was made from love. it was meant to be happy. it was a symphony, however unfinished.
so. i don't know. i just feel, bad. they never really won, did they? tragedy after tragedy, death after death, destruction after destruction, betrayal after betrayal, hurt after hurt. and now what's left of them, really? out of the founders, erets doing the best and even shes doing awful, forever trying to make up for what he did. tubbos paranoia led him to developing nukes in a desperate attempt to stay safe, because he was taught to stay quiet and keep his emotions to himself, because his death was "justified", because nukes and walls and weapons are the only way he can feel safe anymore.
tommy went through months of abuse, lost all of his lives and suffered upon coming back, suicidal but unable to bring himself to do it because limbo is worse, feeling lost and like he has no family anymore other than wilbur, who he knows is hurting him but cant bring himself to leave, who loved lmanburg so so dearly and only wanted a home, still doesnt have one (tommy from everywhere, tommy from nowhere at all). niki who loved lmanburg and wilbur so much that it hollowed her out and made her bitter and shes so used to being spoken over that all she can think to do is raise her voice and get pissed, who cant see wilbur as a good person anymore because shes hurt and hasnt truly recovered and she doesnt know how to cope without being angry.
jack manifold feels forgotten, hes lost all his lives and crawled out of hell and no one truly noticed, he doesnt even believe that niki really cares, hes desperate and has made his purpose to be spiteful and angry because he cant deal with the emptiness that comes when he realizes theres no point. fundys desperate to have friends, family, a partner, anyone thatll love him, anyone thatll keep him safe, slowly killing himself with cigarettes and disowned because of giving too little too late, because he was too little too late.
and wilburs lost himself. spiraling, paranoid. a young, naïve man who wanted to fight swords with words, who wanted to impress his father, who wanted a nation of his own to feel safe, who was so effected by erets betrayal that he cant trust anyone but himself, whose possessive nature eats him from the inside out, desperate for control and unable to let go of the only person he knows loves him unconditionally
all because outside forces kept pushing, kept destroying, kept ruining them and hurting them and traumatizing them and taking away their homes and pets and loved ones. and i just. cant feel happy for the ones that hurt them, i cant feel victorius, triumphant, any of that. i just feel bad that the l'manburgians never got to be a family. i know they arent the best people but shit, i love them anyways, love them because theyre flawed and because theyre *people*, people who tried so so hard and got pushed so so much and. fuck, i cant be happy that the people who loved nature and play fought and laughed by campfires and read poetry and re-enacted theatre and loved each other and wanted to *live* (even if they were willing to die, if it meant giving everyone else a chance).. lost. they lost.
canonical years of work down the drain in one day. records of history gone, now only remembered in full by a traumatized teenager who was taught not to talk about his negative emotions, and even he misremembers some parts. they didnt even lose fairly. they had no chance. they couldnt have prepared for withers, for tnt rain, for the hounds. they were poor, weaker than their opponents, sabotaged by one of their own. thats.. tragic.
doomsday was a tragedy. i cant agree that it was deserved. i cant agree that they had it coming, that they deserved to lose homes and pets and limbs and lives and land because they werent the greatest people around.
a small country of less than 10 people (at both creation and destruction) now a giant crater in the ground, remnants of a parisitic egg taking over the land. and it wasnt even lost fairly. three people were stronger than an entire nation, even with all of its allies. two anarchists working with an abusive tyrant. so, no. doomsday wasnt deserved. people dont deserve tragedy. there were better ways, i truly cant be happy that the way chosen was violence. i cant.
l'manburg's citizens deserved better. they really did. the ends dont justify the means. and god, am i fucking tired of "justice". if justice means choosing violence over love and respect and caring about those less strong than you, i dont wanna hear about it. fuck that man, id rather love and be loved than constantly give a shit about making up for hurting others by getting hurt, thats stupid and cruel and i cant see it as okay on a moral level. not when the people that got hurt deserved to be loved and cared about and protected and *talked to* instead of constantly shot down.
of course for the narrative i can enjoy violence and characters getting hurt and i do like how "real" it all is, the despair and dissonance in tone and how terrifyingly messy it all is. out of story perspective- honestly rather cool even if it makes me feel bad. in story perspective- holy fucking shit no that wasnt deserved and god i hope everyone hurt will be able to heal and learn to love and be loved again because thats such a terrifying thing to go through. from a detached pov i can appreciate the insight into everyone involved and i like the plotlines that came from it, but from a compassionate pov i just wish the l'manburgians were allowed to be happy and treated as equals so they didnt have to go through all of this
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markets · 3 years
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I WROTE 6 PARAGRAPHS OF ADVICE AND TUMBLR JUST DELETED IT ALL GONNA CRY
anyways. if you dont know how to Draw its best to start out traditional (i knoww digital is probably cooler but you Cannot learn how to like. do basic shapes with a mouse/trackpad. if you know how to draw it can be done of course but itd be so fucking disappointing starting out) just a pencil and some printer paper or something works. a sketchbok (or even like, a lined notebok) is helpful but not necessary, just makes it easier to organize everything
i would rec youtubers like drawingwiffwaffles and kasey golden, just watching them as they make stuff is really helpful. youll gain their skills through osmosis. (yts i would Not reccommend are people making videos about drama or discourse or whatever because half the stuff they say is bullshit. you dont need fancy digital brushes to draw or whatever)
watch anatomy videos!! lots of them because if you just watch like one or two you might end up with some Fucked up advice. watch a bunch and then figure out whats actually helpful and what isnt. despite what male artists on youtube seem to believe tits are not part of the skeletal structure. a lot of people say that you need to learn perfect realism and anatomy before you get into cartoonism, and thatll definitely improve your drawing off the bat, but honestly it is really overhyped and doesnt matter much. who has time for that shit. we want to draw angsty fanart of our little meow meows
and just like. practice. draw lots and lots. even if you buy a textbook on anatomy or stylization or anything but never practice you wont Learn anything. and it can be annoying if you dont immediately "find" your art style, but trust me that takes foreverrr to figure itself out. i didnt have a consistent art style until id been drawing for 3 fuckin years. have fun. fuck around and find out
as for digital stuff, theres lotsa good recs online but personally i use and am content with a huion tablet (wacom is also another really well known and respected brand) and the drawing program fire alpaca. you can also use an ipad or something, procreate and ibis paint x are good!! have fun xoxoxox
THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH IM SORRY IT ALL GOT DELETED AT FIRST!! this is all oh so very helpful
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Getting over the past so it doesnt interfere with the moment thatll drag into the future
Had to get myself right real quick
Introspection really helps in aligning back
Im moving out from the old into the new
For anyone involved with toxic ppl family member narcissists sociopaths and etc
Ik the tactics they use are frustrating and the games they play is childish yet manipulative
Trying to control everything putting ppl down emotionally mentally even spiritually
And its frustrating cuz certain ppl wont know the things they do subliminally or behind closed doors
And how they try to make the narrative work for them while they continue their henious deeds or open abuse in plain sight just through subtle signs
And the pain can be tumultuous and crazy as well as to live with them and going through it
Especially for empaths cuz we being drained of energy by them and how we naturally will feel their energy and projections that they make towards us which in actually is really about them
Stay strong please it will not last long and these people have taken advantage of your nature and try to use it against you dont let them do you in like that
And i know how it can be trust me im going through it now but im pushing my way past the traumas the toxic cycle accepting what happened while at the same time building better boundaries a environment for myself as well as being the best i can be while growing and improving myself and i dont like exposing my shit like this bt its also part of my healing process and to realign myself back to who i am and i guess a result of the experience where you just close yourself off and you remain silent cuz of the gaslighting the words the actions the mental games laced with lies and deceit but i had to speak cuz i remember when i was younger watching all those anime characters and seeing how they push past adversity and problems and i knew my life would be no different and that i admire the strength i would be helping ppl and empower themselves and help make the world a better place bt realizing it now even this experience helped me out by showing me who i am and showing who these people are not who they claim to be but yea i wanted to vent while at the same time using this to relate to anyone going thru it and showing awareness for stuff like this that tends to go under the radar but yall stay strong stay blessed dont be afraid to speak up and god is always working with you towards the greater good
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trashydez · 4 years
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whats wrong with me? and dont give me “nothings wrong with you” because i KNOW theres something wrong with me because what else would explain why im like this?
ive always felt different from everyone else. ive always known there was something just weird about me. when i say theres something wrong, i dont mean in a necessarily bad way. i mean in a weird way like,, its just a feeling.
so im constantly looking for an explanation as to just,, why? why am i like this? i dont even know what exactly im talking about when i say all this.
no [best friend], it isnt hormones. the moment you said that it was hormones was the moment i realised i couldnt trust you. then again i couldnt trust anyone huh?
i hate how i am. i hate how my mind works. i cant validate myself at all and frankly i dont want to. i know idealising mental illnesses or disorders is terrible and i hate it but by god if a mental illness or disorder it explains to me why i felt like this for forever now then hell even thatll work.
i cant even tell when this all started. maybe its cuz ive always felt alienated from everyone else. no one ever treated me badly. hell ive always had pretty good friends and acquaintances and yet ive always felt this way.
im so tired of this. i just want to know whats wrong with me. every single thing i look for draws blank after blank and i cant reach out cuz even the person i trust most (my best friend that i mentioned earlier) doesnt even understand why im like this.
so please by god if anyone here knows whats wrong with me or wants to know more details then please dm me. this is a cry for help.
thank you for reading.
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tempestaurora · 4 years
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Hey I really want to watch the disney+ shows but i know absolutely nothing about how to pirate stuff safely or where to find it and i'm kinda nervous, I'm asking you since i trust you; any tips on like, where to find things?? cause that little trailer just came out, saw it on seb stan's insta and like... omg
thing is theres no confirmation which websites will have them yet and how fast they'll be removed by disney? I actually dont know much about pirating at all, everything I know my brother told me
but anyway, use chrome, get an ad block extension (super incredibly necessary), and right now I know that .gn for 123movies works, but who knows when thatll get taken down and have to be replaced
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madisonrooney · 4 years
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ive been trying not to mope about this as much as i used to but...fuck man i miss dove
ik i used to go on about that like after not seeing her for a week or a month but...were pushing a year. and ik a lot of people hear me say that and think im spoiled and i should be grateful for what i already have cuz i have so much more than most people do. and dont get me wrong im immensely grateful. but its just a weird state to be in when youve established a relationship with someone but then you just have to leave it hanging and you dont know how long youre gonna have to do that for. and on top of it, i dont think im ever gonna fully be over all of the cancelled liv and maddie tapings, bc i worked hard to get those tickets AND even waited like 5 hours in line once only to be turned away. its been 4 years since the tapings ended but had all the tapings i had tix to actually happened, i wouldve met her more times at the end of summer 2016 than i have now mid 2020, which is kinda fucked up lol.
its also cuz ive spent quarantine leaning hard on my dove and liv and maddie hyperfixations to comfort me and honestly living vicariously through my past self, reminiscing on tapings and stuff and thinking about what i was doing on this day in 2015/16/17. im not as bad as i used to be with the whole “what if she forgets me, what if she doesnt like me anymore” cuz our relationship has grown so much that like im past that, but its still hard. especially with her having as big of a following as she does, i cant just message her and expect to get a reply. its very weird for the mind to process a relationship where you know each other well and have for years, to the point where she recognizes me in a crowd, but when were not together in person, theres hardly any way of me reaching her.
not to mention not getting to see her after light in the piazza both times last year. and i dont mean that as in im mad at her for not coming out, i trust she had a reason (one time she was sick), but obvs its still a bummer. i came back to the LA stage door two more times and still no luck, and i had to wait 2 hours both times. (which, again, isnt her fault, stage doors just be like that unfortunately).
i know i wont be seeing her in person any time soon. shes said her concerts will still happen eventually but im not gonna bank on that for another year or so. i just hope that maybe shell do some virtual meet and greet like some celebs are doing. she did respond to my text the one time so maybe i can hope thatll happen again. in the first response i didnt indicate that it was “me” so while it made me really happy, it wasnt all of what i needed yknow. idk i just want something, anything, really really bad.
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different anon, but heck yeah u should definitely infodump about lucid dreaming!! im really interested in it
aaaaa okay !!! uh hold onto ur ears yall im abt to talk em off lmao
so !! if u didnt know, lucid dreaming is basically when you become aware that you’re dreaming while youre in a dream. once you’re aware, you can take control of the dream in literally any way u want — u can do anything, go anywhere, meet anyone, all with the knowledge that nothing can hurt u and nothing can stop u
its a fascinating concept and, the feeling when u actually become lucid for the first time? its better than anything else in the world. its the most invigorating thing u can ever feel, i think. but actually becoming lucid is, ,, , , hm. a time and a half. 
putting the rest under a cut bc, hooooo boy this is gonna get long
first things first! you absolutely have to keep a dream journal. forgetting ur dreams is all well and good when ur not trying to accomplish anything in them, but if you become lucid and then wake up with only the vaguest memory of what you actually did? thats painful.
u can either go all out and get a fancy journal and write them down physically each morning, or u can do what i do and just download an app. i personally use the app Dream Catcher, which lets u tag ur dreams for easy organization. just get in the habit of writing down your dreams every morning, and if you really, really cant remember anything, just write down that you didnt dream anything that day. you’ll train your brain to remember your dreams better
secondly! reality checks! are absolutely imperative! the idea behind them is that, if you do something throughout the day that “proves” your reality, eventually you’ll start doing it in your dreams as well. for example, a common thing in my dreams is that i’ll have extra fingers, so i check my hands a lot throughout the day. 
it can’t just be a casual thing, too. if all you do is glance at your hands and b like “yo looks normal, we gucci”, then you’ll do the same in your dreams even if you have Weird hands. trust me, Dream-You is an idiot, you gotta be obvious with this stuff. take a few moments, look at your hands, count out your fingers, and really think to yourself “am i dreaming?”
try to get in the habit of doing that at least 15 times a day, and eventually you’ll start doing it in your dreams too. 
now, if you just stick with doing those two things — which is what i’m doing right now — your chances of becoming lucid will raise astronomically. even just those two tiny things can train your brain into realizing when the world around you is real and when it isnt. you can also attempt something really easy called a MILD — a mnemonic-induced-lucid-dream — which can help your chances even more without upping the effort 
whenever you go to bed, just take a few moments — even just five minutes can help — and just. lay there. and think to urself, again and again “the next scene will be a dream” or “i will become lucid in my dreams tonight” or something similar. get ur brain really focused on lucid dreaming right before you fall asleep and chances are, those Vibes will bleed over into ur dreams and you’ll become lucid
practice those three things consistently, every day, and pretty soon you’ll start becoming lucid. it takes time, though! dont be discouraged if you end up not becoming lucid for the first few weeks, or even months. sometimes your brain just needs a bit of extra training
that’s what ive been doing for the past year or so — bc damn do i Not have the energy to actually put in too much effort — but!!! there are other techniques!!
my personal favorite is the WBTB, or wake-back-to-bed method. with this technique, you set your alarm for roughly 5-6 hours after you go to sleep so you’ll wake up inside of one of your REM cycles, specifically one where your dreams will be the most vivid. dont do anything, just roll over and go right back to sleep. 
you can even use a MILD along with this, repeat whatever mantra u usually use as you fall back asleep. you should start to see hypnagogic imagery — blobs of color and vague shapes floating before your eyes. just observe them. at one point, they’ll start forming more familiar shapes, and places, and maybe even people — and there should be a moment, a snap, where you go from observing these images to actually being in the scene. you literally build the dream around yourself, its magical
i have read that WBTB can cause sleep paralysis, but i’ve never personally experienced any problems with it, aside from the fact that im always tired the next day.
another thing that could severely increase your chances of being lucid but also involves Effort — meditation. specifically mindfulness meditation. the act of bringing full awareness to your Existence, honing in on just Your body, Your mind, Your breath, will make you a more aware, mindful person, which in turn makes you more perceptive of dream signs. also, the ability to clear your mind and center yourself with a moment’s notice really comes in handy when the dream becomes destabilized and you have to take control
if ur an adhd lad like me — or neurodivergent in any way, really — the idea of meditation can be,,,, terrifying. honestly, i havent meditated in like six months now, because it really wasnt?? doing anything for me?? mostly because im absolutely incapable of sitting still for that long without Something to stimulate me
so! loophole! guided meditations. having someone else guide you through the process can make it a bit easier to focus. just find one that works for u on youtube. there are even guided meditations made specifically to prime ur brain for lucid dreaming!
so thats how you get lucid. now for when youre lucid
at first, lucid dreaming is going to be extremely hard. dreams fall apart very easily — if you get too overexcited or if a dream-character looks at you the wrong way or if you cant seem to do what you want to do, your lucidity can fade and you’ll either go back to being your normal dream self or you’ll wake up. dreams are volatile and hard to control, and even harder to master
thats where meditation comes in handy. youll have a much easier time controlling your dreams if you can look at the world around you, take a breath, center yourself, and know that you can control it. that being said, you can absolutely learn to take control without ever having meditated a day in your life. its all about your mindset!
you have to go into it with confidence. the key to controlling your dreams is knowing that they’re your dreams. you cant forget that you’re in control. thats why i feel like learning to lucid dream doubles as a lesson in self-confidence — you have to learn to trust yourself, trust that you can handle any scenario thrown at you and come out on top.
if you can achieve this mindset, you can literally do anything. ive had maybe 50 lucid dreams since i started learning about them — which… is honestly a really low amount, but. i havent really had the time/energy to really throw myself into it  as much as i want to. but just in those dreams, ive flown, ive shapeshifted, ive met my sides, ive teleported to vast, gorgeous lands and seen some of the most beautiful things ive ever seen. anything is possible in a lucid dream; thats why its so worth it to put in the effort
but when youre first starting out, itll be extremely hard to maintain that mindset. like i said, Dream-you is dumb as shit — you’ll forget youre dreaming, you’ll be unable to control anything, you’ll wake up before you manage to accomplish anything. more often than not, the dream will destabilize, which is Not Fun
if the dream starts to destabilize — basically, if things start going fuzzy or vague, if you suddenly cant see, if you can feel ur body in bed, basically anything that points towards you waking up — there are ways to fix it. literally just spinning around helps for some reason? spin around, fall down, run ur hands along anything u can find and feel the texture, or just demand that the dream stabilize itself. most of the time, thatll work
and if it doesnt, dont be discouraged. theres always another night to dream
so basically: start a dream journal, do reality checks, mmmmaybe meditate if youre up for it, and your dreams will become like. at least 10x more interesting. trust me, try flying: its literally the best feeling in the entire world
its just !!! such a huge, incredible thing, and its so fascinating to learn about too. all the different ways you can train your brain, all the different things you can do, all the studies done on the subject. i suggest reading about Steven LaBerge or keith hearne. hearne led the study that proved lucid dreaming existed in the first place! he got a lucid dreamer to signal to him that he was conscious while asleep using REM (rapid-eye movement), because lucid dreaming happens during the REM state. also, robert waggoner’s book Gateway to the Inner Self is really fascinating too!
hm wow i really went ham here lmao
thanku for giving me a chance to infodump im very happy rn
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dauntless-dragayn · 5 years
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nobody asked for it, but i liveblogged my She ra s3 reactions
[ part one ┊ part two ]
spoilers, obviously (under cut bc it’s rather long)
episode one
DAMN THEY DID NOT HESITATE TO DIVE RIGHT INTO SHIT
(oh yeah this is a split season so that makes sense..)
FUCK SHADOWEAVER FUCK SHADOWWEAVER
Angela loses points for not having a proper prison but gains them right back for not letting Adora in to interrogate Shadowbitch
Glimmer: we shouldn’t let her manipulate you
Adora, immediately: //decides to manipulate / trick her friends
Side note, interesting episode title..
Adora’s friends: //arent fooled at all THANKFULLY
adora honey youre a terrible liar. and your friends are too smart
Catra bby..
SCORPIA BBY
Catra: i cant handle this emotionally vulnerable shit
GOOD THEYRE WATCHING ADORA
Aaand theyre asleep
Oh this is great
Glimmer’s target practice cjdhjdnf
Oh Adora wants to change Shadowbitch.. honey.
GLIMMER IS WITH HER GOOD
ANGRY GLIMMER !!!!!! PROTECTIVE GLIMMER !!!!!!!!!
God Adora calling out Shadowbitch is everything
LET HER DIE
DONT HEAL HER
GDI
YOU CANT TRUST HER
Fuck this is cool
Shadowbitch’s two reasons for (SUPPOSEDLY) turning is to get revenge on 1) Hordak and 2) Catra While im sure Adora is all behind the first one, she certainly wont let the second happen.
Okay but who SENT Adora through that portal??
“Don’t I get a say in what happens to me? Don’t I get a choice?!”
:’0
The worst thing about this is that LightHope is basically telling Adora the same thing the Horde did: you dont have a choice over your life, your ambitions, your responsibilities. Fuck LightHope.
“It is happening again.” HM
“Are you okay?” “I’m not sure yet.” baby.. i felt that
episode two
What a COOL shot of Adora
Fjejhd of coUrse Glimmer didnt tell her mom
Poor fucking Angela
Ive never related to Bow more in this moment ⁃ bird ⁃ Trying to navigate whEN FUCKIG GOOGLE MAPS ISNT WORKING- coughs i mean, the navigator machine
Oh shit Hordak cares about Entrapta
ADORA PUTS HANDS AROUND HER EYES IN PLACE OF BINOCULARS SKFBFJFNMC
“Just act tough” oh yall are so bad at this
its Her time
I just watched this clip of Huntara last night
Adora is gay
Huntara is also gay she was just FLIRTING with a WOMAN at the BAR
 The ‘purposefully gets names wrong’ gag will always be my favorite
ADORA’S ~TRYING TO BE SMOOTH~ VOICE IS HILARIOUS BUT ALSO.. 👀
 anybody got a map? oh wrong show sorry
listen i cant blame Adora how could you NOT be in love with her
OH SHIT WE CAN SEE HORDAK WITHOUT HIS ARMOR
Ugly ass twink bitch
Adora getting an outside perspective on the war and how it effects Etheria should be interesting
Wait where are Glimmer and Bow ?
Adora being called “blondie” 👌👌
ADORA WANTING TO IMPRESS HUNTARA ️‍👌🏳️‍🌈✨
Oh theyre there they just fell behind
Huntara led them into a trap didnt she
Gdi
Oh she took Adora’s sword fuck I mean ofc she did but mm That would be her only chance of escaping
HORDAK HISSING AT ENTRAPTA DKDJF
Okay Entrapta is a top
Hordak is a clone?? Bitch what
//falsely sympathetic voice/ aww hordak just wants to impress his higher up with planetary conquest..
they even called this expedition a roadtrip awe
Wow theyre really playing up this Hordak + Entrapta friendship and bonding huh
Oh Glimmer is such a badass
ADORA JUST FUCKING TACKLED THIS WOMEN WHOS TWICE HER SIZE TO THE GROUND
Bow: awkward HAH of victory
Glimmer: sticks her tongue out at the enemy
God i love this battle sequence so much
THE MUSIC!!!!!
Im watching it again
Adora’s laugh before she says “I AM She ra”  😍
Theyre both ex Horde soldiers oh shit!! One so trusting and one so fearful, so closed off to anyone
“I’m not gonna run anymore. I face my problems head on.” fuck yeah!!!
Netflix referring to Bow Glimmer and Adora as the “squad” omg
-rewatching the fight scene from 18:30-
diD HUNTARA JUST ROAR LIKE A LION?!
I love the repeating of lines to each other thats such a good trope too
“Thats mine!” ”Then come and take it.”
Also I like seeing Adora fight and pull off really cool moves but not like, flawlessly. Like her backflip- she almost falls. Or when she swings Huntara’s sword and it doesn whip out at first.
HUNTARA JUST ROARED AGAIN
ANOTHEr EXAMPLE OF THEIR MIRRORING IS WHEN HUNTARA HOLDS ADORA’S HEAD UP WITH HER SWORD AND THEN SHE RA DOES THE SAME
Thats totally foreshadowing the connection of their backgrounds with the Horde huh
The “‘You know about She ra?’ Heheh, I AM She ra” moment is so good okay I need to call it out again. The way she flashes her sword in front of her face? Amazing. Spectacular. Im gay-
The end of this episode be like: //women supporting women
Mara’s ship!! Dun dun dunnn 
episode three
Edgy Catra in the Crimson Waste shot: ✔️
“Nothing matters anymore!” :(
Hey that place looks familiar!
Isnt Scorpia FROM here?? How does she not know anything about it??
“Maybe I should have skipped force captain orientation eh?” THIS RUNNING JOKE DKFNFK
Catra bitching about Hordak is a whole mood
CATRA HISSING AT THat FROG THING SHE PUSHED FROM THE COUNTER IM-
Wait satyr lady never said the second rule Prettyyy sure the second rule is that no one annoys Huntara, but shes not here! So what the hell are YOU gonna claim it is?
Catra’s monologue in the bar is everything
Catra stealing the jacket is such a ME move i see a leather jacket i go feral
Bow you’re such a nerd ily
Well duh the ship is empty its been looted for years
Do your She ra thing i bet thatll uncover something //wiggles eyebrows
Yeehaw! Look at that i was right
Its not haunted theres a repeated message echoing ..
Scorpia you’re gay
Also IM gay Catra in a jacket is 👌😩
HER ORDERING PPL AROUND AT KNIFEPOINT IS 👌👌👌😩
 Aw look at Scorpia in her element
“Im gonna call you Kyle” KDHFKDJFJFK
Catra’s little smirk.. ️ ❤️️ Scorpia’s reaction is a whole mood
THEY DO MAKE A GOOD TEAM! ITS A GOOD THING SCORPIA FOLLOWED YOU HERE INTO EXILE H U H CATRA
That giant skull tho
OH ITS TIME IVE SEEN THIS CLIP
announcer voice: ITSSSSSS TONGUELASHOR
listen i know he’s an idiot with a dumb name and catra kicks his ass but i love me a buff lizard person,,
a broadcast.. oH ITS MARA HERSELF
“And I am gone.” sounds like.. something someone would say in a message if they didnt want to be looked for and found
Adora ... :(
Your frustration is so warranted
I wish i could give her answers
OH SHIT ITS MARA BUT NOT SHE RA-ED THIS TIME
“I was supposed to be the last.” wh..
Even Tongue Lashor’s insults are dumb
SCORPIA INTERRUPTING TONGUE LASHOR IS PRICELESS
HE EVEN SAYS “WHIP” KDHFJ
Catra mimicking his evil laugh..
Listen imma say it again (my scalie is showing) Tongue Lashor’s design is great
Catra just winked at Scorpia, yoURE GAAY
 @ Mara’s dialogue.. that was uh. A Lot The biggest thing that jumps out to me is the fact that theyre in an empty dimension?? And the fact that Mar BROUGHT A WHOLE PLANET there. Thats some real power. Oh yeah, and LightHope is lying / working against the She ras / wants to bring destruction to the planet. But thats not surprising
Oh hey darts! Now who took the dart gun..
oh thats right!
Catra and Adora time baby
 HEY ADORA
Adora is uh,, alone captured by Catra
This should be interesting
SCORPIA IN THE JACKET THOOOOO
“A toast to Scorpia” //clutches chest
Hey yall this is cute but reminder that cattadora is endgame
“When we go back” nahhh
Also fuck Catra heard that hologram??
CATRA BLUSHIG
“We could rule the Crimson Waste together!” Scorpia you are SO gay
“I have to go check on the prisoner” her ex
“Shadow Weaver left me for you..?” Uh fuck
She has tears in her eyes oh bby
I cant believe im already halfway through the season jfc fuck split seasons
(part two is up now!)
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crowsent · 4 years
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How do you stay so cheerful? I read your tags and you seem like a funny and happy person. What's your secret?
had this ask for a while and i had no idea how to tackle this. lowkey no idea how you thought i was a funny and happy person from my tags since all i do is bitch about shit but uh. thanks? no idea how you got this impression of me but its very kind of you to say this. so. anyway.
im not cheerful. i havent been genuinely cheerful since the third grade. when i was in fourth grade i was already bitter and cynical and constructed so many walls around myself and my emotions that now, years later, i have no idea how to bring them down. by fifth grade, i became an angry and petty person. by sixth grade i developed trust issues. by seventh grade, i learned how to use humour to deflect everything and ignore the world. i think my first depressive episode was when i was ten. i straight contemplated whether or not i should be alive when i was ten and it only got worse from there.
me trying to be as kind as i can to others doesnt necessarily mean that im cheerful. its just that me being sad and tired and angry does not mean that i can be cruel or unkind to other people. its unfair of me to take out my frustrations about everything in my life on the world, so i try my best to be good and kind and be as respectful and courteous as i can be. the peppy excitable attitude i have is a farce so i dont bring in my negativity onto people who have nothing to do with my issues.
BUT. that doesnt mean that i cant try. people say fake it til you make it and thats what im doing. or trying to. im not actually genuinely happy but trying to keep my spirits up is infinitely better than just stewing in my depression. its a struggle to put on a smile and not say the first cynical thing that pops into my head, but i have to try. recovery is a process. its not a race, its a marathon. and for me, its a marathon with the goal being moved further and further away every so often. but if i dont at least try to run, then im never getting anywhere.
life is shit. for me at least. my depression is painful. i have chronic pains that sucks like a fucking turbo powered vacuum and sometimes i get suicidal ideations and have to lock myself in my room so i dont wander into the kitchen. but that doesnt mean that itll be shit forever. or that itll be bad every day. if today was something conjured from the depths of hell, maybe tomorrow would be good. or at the very least, suck less. so ill pretend to be happy, maybe crack a few jokes, and thatll distract me from the now.
and if my writing or my jokes or the comments i make brings a smile to someones face or makes their day brighter by a fraction or even makes them forget the present, even if its just for a little bit, then good. just because im miserable, doesnt mean that everyone else has to be. if i can make someone smile then im happy.
if youre struggling with depression or anxiety or something in your personal life and looking for a reason to be cheerful, then find a reason. any reason. maybe you have a pet. or maybe you have a fav show or book or something. maybe you have a hobby. maybe you have some friends you promised to hang out with or some chores you need to do or some yoga or singing or whatever. i cant give you a secret way to be cheerful because i dont have one. the method i use for dealing with suicidal thoughts is to lock myself in a room where there’s nothing i can use to hurt myself with and wait for the ideations to pass. that method might make things worse for you. it might not work. i dont know your situation. the only advise i can give you is to keep living. any reason to live is worth it. dont care what the reason is. hope. faith. love. spite. find a reason to live and live. the best i can say is that most of my joy comes from writing so try and find a hobby that you like.
tl;dr: anon. i try to just be as kind and positive as i can be and hope for something good happening tomorrow. kinda got derailed a lil bit there. sorry.
also. i feel like i should mention this.
im not cheerful and im not happy. im just a very good liar.
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Hullo! I'm wondering if its ok to ask for a knight of space. If requests are open that is.
of course!
knights over compensate for their self perceived lack of aspect by getting balls deep into their aspect, surrounding themself in their aspect. they do that, but not enough that it would raise any red flags to anyone who they didnt let in, who they didnt trust enough to say “hey what do you think about how i do this? am i bad, good, okay? even half decent at it?” the kicker is, they dont trust anyone like that for a long LONG time. 
“Those bound to the aspect of Space are, as the name suggests, concerned with the big picture. They are patient, masters of the art of 'wait-and-see', and are inclined to take things as they come. That isn't to say that they're pushovers or willing to let injustice lie-they just choose their battles wisely, understanding that sometimes you have to let something burn to the ground in order to build it back better and stronger than before. To this effect, they tend to be innovators, concerned with creation and redemption. Catch them recycling the old to make the new, the fresh, and the beautiful. For the Space-bound, the journey is as, if not more, important than the destination; how they do something is as important as what they do. At their best, they are steady, impartial, and creative. At their worst, they can be detached, apathetic, and vague.“
a knight of space is horrible about over analyzing their own work, while they see nothing but potential in everyone elses. this bitch got anxiety, but lots of love for everyone. themself not included. 
being a space player, they have a passion for the artsy, creative shit. this space player may love drawing, painting, wood work, anything like that and so much more. 
now, lets say this particular knight of space has a deep passion and love for wood work. they countless hours on small pieces, trying to get it perfectly shaped, stained, glued, all of that good stuff because they fear others will see one spot of glue peaking from a corner and thatll be the end of their career. what if someone gets a splinter while sitting in this chair? oh dear jesus, thats a lawsuit. theres a nick in this cane which means its going to snap on the person who needs it to walk. 
an endless slew of small things they fear will happen that dont reach that extreme when alls said and done. why are they so paranoid? in the past, they may have had a teacher in this craft that was a complete ass. this pupil was learning, but oh look this nails sticking out. guess whos getting tetanus! haha, funny joke from the teacher! oh wait, now the guys yelling. woops, not a joke... 
the knight took all of that to heart and its always in the forefront of their mind while working. its not a healthy “took it to heart.” its the kind that keeps you up at night because youre afraid you could cause some horrible thing to someone, that youre the reason for everyones suffering. not fun shit for anyone. 
if the knight says anything about how obsessive they are about this, they play it as a joke. “haha, yeah, i spent six weeks on this little birdhouse. it comes with a fully stocked fridge.” 
everyone thinks its an exaggeration, but the knight worried that the bird would run the risk of starving so they put in a nifty little feeder that can be stocked for the birds. 
this knight might have a habit of smoking to calm their nerves. 
it takes a lot of chipping away at this guy to get them to realize that you actually want to know them. lots and lots of man hours into this friendship. almost as much as they put into their latest project. when the knight starts to open, the floodgates burst. typical knight fashion. all of this guys past experiences that created the paranoid piece of shit in front of you are spilling like water from an upturned bottle. 
when all thats out in the open to someone, they try and brush it under the rug with a “its no big deal. not like any of that upset me, haha.” when it IS a big deal. all that had been inside and killing them with paranoia for years upon years. their confident has a choice now. a)be the one to help calm them when their brain gets to be too hard on them, or b) point that finger and laugh at em. “bro you seriously that much of a pussy? LMAOOOOOOOOOO”
if the second happens, that knight is forever shut back in and not speaking their fears again. if the first, that knight begins to learn that its okay to ask others for help. you CAN ask and not be a burden. your creations are wonderful without having to squeeze everything out of yourself for just one little detail. not everything has to be perfect. 
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