Go so deep that you disappear into me and blend with my bones.
I do like writing these short pieces called elfchen poems, a five line, 11 word poem with the word sequence pattern of 1-2-3-4-1. It is an art to be able say something meaningful using only a handful of words.
"I have seen a lot of beauty today, in the faces around me.. seems I was living the dream but i wasn't in touch with reality. Life is crazy when you think about it, one day you are in touch with the world and reality not so much.. and the next day you start seeing things that you never saw before. It's like all your life, you were living blind and then you saw light for the very first time.. it's a real eye opener for sure."
I think it's time for some change.. someone lovely told me if nothing changes, nothing changes.. I think she was right - eUë
The words of a love letter 💌 read from yet another murder documentary I’m feeding my brain.
She wrote that to him. And it ignited related feelings. Like my pain was written exactly how she wrote.
Maybe in fact I was in pain and did not know. What does loving while in pain look like? It’s selfish, it is manipulative, it is pity, it is conditional, it is a chore and feels binding.
No wonder I’ve been thinking of love the last few days. I mean it’s really been turning the gears, it has created a massive thought train. 🚂
Good solid thinking about love. And what it REALLY means to speak love, be love, feel love.
I feel the fuckery inside me. I am pulling it apart gently and with love. I want to run back so badly, but I have to stay strong.
I want to be able to love you in peace.
I want to be able to love you selflessly.
I want to be able to love you freely.
And to me this process IS love.
I’m afraid I won’t be able to defend myself when time comes. I fear he will be too powerful for me and I will lose allegiance with myself somehow. I am not ready.
I need to be here alone so I can learn how to love painlessly.
Put On Your Raincoats | Deep Inside Annie Sprinkle (Sarno & Sprinkle, 1981)
Joe Sarno is largely a blind spot for me (I’ve only seen his imitation Eurosleaze vampire movie Vampire Ecstasy AKA The Devil’s Plaything), and as this one is co-directed by and stars the great Annie Sprinkle, I felt it was a good enough place to continue my journey. Sprinkle is someone I’ve pretty much always found to have kicked a movie up a notch anytime she’s appeared thanks to her irrepressible vivacity and joy of performance. She really looks like she’s enjoying the things she’s getting up to, and refuses to be demeaned no matter the sleaziness of the material nor the shoddiness of the production. (I suppose at this point I should disclose that my enjoyment of her work has been at least somewhat prurient, and will once again tap the sign that says this is a judgment-free zone.) An essential part of Sprinkle’s charm here is that she seems approachable. The movie opens with her showing us pictures of her growing up, and when she says she’d like to get to know you, the viewer, better, it sounds like she kinda means it.
She brings a warmth that makes this a lot easier to watch like an actual movie. But on that note, this is really just a collection of sex scenes, cycling through a number of scenarios and fetishes that seem to tickle Sprinkle’s fancy: threesomes, breast fetishism, squirting, lesbian orgies, sex in a theatre, the list goes on. While there are certain things I would have liked to have seen included given Sprinkle’s talents in certain areas, I suppose I should judge the movie as it is and not the one I wish it was, and will concede that there was neither a lack of variety nor enthusiasm on display. I don’t know what Sarno auteurists will make of this, but while the movie is not without style, all that really matters is that it’s tailored to Sprinkle’s charisma and lets her presence come through.
As for the sex scenes, the lesbian orgy is probably the weakest one in that it doesn’t centre Sprinkle as much as the others, but I suppose this speaks to a generosity on her part, as she introduces each of the other women individually as her friends. She wants her fellow performers and you, the viewer, to have a good time. Is that so wrong? I also appreciate that while this features Ron Jeremy, it makes him tolerable, mostly by giving him no dialogue and also keeping the camera away from his face. And while the theatre scene is pretty fun, thanks not just to Sprinkle but her goofy co-stars, were I in the actual theatre, I would have preferred she got up to her hijinks in the back of the theatre instead of the front row, as some of us degenerates might still want to watch the movie. And aside from being great at all the fucking and sucking and being super charming, I should also compliment Sprinkle on her choice of outfits. My favourite was the shiny blue pair of pants she wore in the last scene. Yes, I was staring at her ass. But only because it was so shiny.