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memories-beneath-the-skin · 7 months

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In the mood for thunderstorms and hard sex...

#writers on tumblr #spilled ink #sexetry #raw thoughts #Mood #pluviophile #sudden afternoon thoughts

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sheviolentlyher · 1 month

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hello wednesday

i have finally accepted this morning that i am not a girl’s girl.

i hate women.

but i recognize a queen.

i have never seen the number 444 so constantly like i have the past two days— or even twenty four hours.

i am not alone. only my brain is- in my skull.

-x

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yamirexic · 7 days

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kids out now!!!

frustrated with gen alpha and kids?

annoyed by the stupid sephora kids that ruin samples and act like spoiled brats?

love raw underground music?

then I guess "kids" is the right song for you

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slenderbodies2042jpg · 5 months

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#personal vent #vent tw #emoji+aesthetic #i dont know #vent poem #vent poetry #vent #uncanny #eeriecore #unsettling #raw thoughts

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etserss · 4 months

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feliz ano novo meus amores !!

que vocês tenham um 2024 espetacular. 🤍💋

favs :: @espuor @mony-e @oonroo @mercuorio @puonio &' @bulilta !! ☆

#︎ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ❀ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ៶ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ𝐞.ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ﹚#etserss #happy new year #new year #new year 2024 #brasil #brazil #raw thoughts

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shadowsandthorns · 2 years

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I’m lost

I’m lost.

I’m lost at sea-

The sea of my feelings.

Feelings you never returned.

I’m aching.

Sore from all the love i gave,

Torn from yearning what i never received.

I’m lost.

I’m aching.

I don’t see the end.

~M

#words #writing #original work #love poetry #poetry #thoughts #spilled ink #love quotes #love #relationship #longing #romantic #feelings #original poetry #poems and poetry #poems and quotes #short poem #raw thoughts

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ogtoothpick · 9 months

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Know your worth because if you just let people take advantage of you and think they are there for you but when it’s your last days you know who the real ones are and those people are cheering you on to be the best version of you and don’t stop at anything gettin in the way of what your true worth is

#know your worth #raw thoughts #mental heath awareness

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macemage · 29 days

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I should say

(from my phone's notes, 6 August 2023)

Why do I feel sad? Do you still love me? Did we fall apart? Have we changed so much that things are too different now?

I love you and I want to kiss you, hug you, touch you but I don't want to make you uncomfortable. I always thought that these things weren't for me but when I'm with you I want to do all these things, things that couples do that I hated seeing in others but now I want to be like them.

Are we a couple? Or are we just friends?

Why do I feel so awkward? Why do I want to cry everytime you ignore me?

I know logically that it isn't your intention to do so but it still hurts and I can't speak about these things because they are not important, because I can't deal with these emotions and instead I bury them deep down because I'm not allowed to feel, I'm a machine I grew to be.

But I love you and I want to show you, I need this but for you it's fine as it is so I'll shut up, I'll just smile and keep going but I now I'll be hurt and I won't say anything because I'm weak, I can't deal with my emotions and I know I won't.

I want to cry and scream but since I was little I was programmed not to say anything, that emotions are just useless and unimportant.

It's better to let you go, let you realize you are better off alone, because you're stronger and I won't put you down with my stupid emotions.

I know I'll regret not doing anything, that next time it will be stranger, we'll be more strangers that we are now.

Do I really know you? Do I really love you? You're beautiful as you are, strong and independent. Why are you with me? You could choose anyone but you don't want to, I know you feel better alone.

I'll just fuck things up, I don't have the courage to tell you how I'm feeling because you'll understand but nothing will change. I'm just stupid with my stupid problems and you have enough problems in your life. I'm not going to make more problems for you but I know that someday I'll blow up and you'll realize I'm not anymore the person that you thought you loved. Am I?

I cried beside you. Did you see me? Did you ask yourself why? Or it is better to ignore? since there's no reaction does it mean it is already over?

I don't want to lose you but I think it's better for you. I won't ever again feel these emotions, I don't care about anyone like I care for you.

I feel so stupid, I know people change over the years, I thought that we were soulmates, that everything will be okay if we are together so why do I feel like this? Why do I feel there's no hope, that I'm too far gone to get you, that I can't even say that I love you in front of you, that I have to be drunk or drugged to do it, to reach to you and just taking your hand, just to kiss you and hug you.

Why can't I do that? Why do I feel so hopeless? I found the love of my life and I can't even express myself, I can't even make moments special, I'll be broken inside and I can't even tell you.

It's been years since I thought about it and I decided to wait to see your face before I told you and now that I'm here, I can't. Why?

There's a thing that I have been meaning to tell you for at least two years. I thought that it was better to wait and tell you in person but now that we're here I'm afraid. I stumble over my words and I don't know if I can make myself clear to you. We already talked about it and you said you understood but I still feel the same way and nothing has changed. I don't know if it's just unimportant or useless to you, or it's just not the right moment, maybe my words still won't change anything, if I'm right then you'll just ignore it and I'll try to do the same.

The first time we saw each other I wanted to hug you and kiss you until my breath was no more but instead I felt awkward and I didn't know what to do with myself, with a bit of alchool we could do all these things I wanted. I noticed I acted like a baby boy with his first crush trying to get your attention and when we were drunk i had it but when i was sober i turned back in an awkward nerd.

Then the second time we saw each other we didn't do anything, we didn't go out or party or watch movies or play games or literally anything, I just wanted to touch you, hug you and cuddle, just be near you and let our legs touch themself was fine by me, but you were all the time on the phone and I was feeling sad but kept telling myself not to bother you since you worked a lot and it was basically a holiday for you.

Later you said you were not feeling good and I understood but at the time it still had hurted somehow, I could have said something but I didn't and Iet my nervousness take hold of my brain freezing everything.

That week we spend together we were just in the same room not saying anything, we see each other so rarely that I thought it was a waste, I regretted not doing anything, I felt like the biggest idiot in the world.

Then I decided next time I was going to see you we'll be having this conversation, I wanted to make us both aware of the situation and work throught it, maybe with exercises for building ourselves more comfortable with casual touches and being vulnerable with our feelings (things that we are both not that good at). I wanted to be comfortable around you and not so nervous I have to stop myself to be moody, I want us to be a couple and do what other couples do like holding hands and kissing and be intimate when we feel like it, I know we will not be 100% normal, that's who we are and I accepted it since I was little that I'll be never like others but I wanted this, I wanted to be close and make our relationship stronger.

But I can't even have this conversation with you. I feel awkward just to lean and reach your hand or to kiss you on the cheek, I don't want to be clingy and I don't want to make you uncomfortable, I just want to be your boyfriend, your future husband, the father of our future adoped kids and cats.

Why am I like this? I start to get nervous and then question and doubt myself. Am I being pushy? Do you still love me even if we are not 16 years old anymore?

I don't want to bother you and I don't want to give you more problems since you have enough so I'll just shut up and pretend my mind doesn't drift away with these thoughts, don't worry, you can easily ignore me.

I'm sorry for ranting but I love you

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whereareyouvera · 2 months

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Secret thoughts on Home.

We moved the chairs out of our dining room to make sure Mini wouldn’t hit her head. It’s funny, at that moment, the house looked bigger, yet at the same time, it felt emptier. I pictured the sofa without her fur, or the lack of the distinctive ‘Mini smell’ of the house. I spent years scrunching my nose at it, “Sorry about the smell, Mini pees sometimes” I’d tell guests.

Now I hope it never leaves. Day by day, I see this more as an ordinary house and not home. It was home, a dog, a bright daughter, a grandfather, peaceful parents, and didi. Now all that feels like home is my cat, and my room. I stay for too long in that room, I fear staying around with my parents too much will end in inevitable arguments and me scrambling out of the door with keys of the other house in my pocket. That house is peaceful, yes. But it’s quiet. It’s not home.

My body rarely feels like home anymore, I believe it only houses pain that ebbs and flows, striking at the worst possible moments to leave me in paralyzing misery, wishing to leave this prison.

People I once called home begin to feel more distant now. It’s either graduation, or the reasons I tell everyone on why we “grew apart”. Some send fewer texts, call less, sometimes I can’t recall the last time I hugged them. I worry whoever I do have left will eventually get sick of my repetitive complaining, or see myself for the messy, lost individual I truly am. I constantly ramble about my past ambition, how I ‘used to’ be so smart and now see a bleak future in front of me.

The pain of gradually losing home but also simultaneously having it swept out from under my feet plagues me. The tears I’ve shed, or the times I’ve paced in my room, clung on to or isolated myself from friends has slowly begun to define my life. I haven’t updated my long distance best friend like I used to, in fact, we haven’t spoken in weeks - because it’s all too much, where do I begin? At the same time, I feel grateful for having this sinking feeling of being at “rock bottom” (Granted, everytime I declare that, it somehow gets worse) I feel I need adversity to get myself out of the state of gray monotony I’ve lived in, to grow and to really get back on my feet again, find who I really am, find new places and people and rituals to call home now that’s it’s nearly gone.

If given the opportunity, I would love to study abroad. To leave. It’s all I’ve worked for. Maybe time away from this place will let me find home again.

#no tags i'm sad #words #kind of a vent #diary entry #loss #home #raw thoughts #how am i supposed to live laugh love in these conditions #personal vent #writing my heart out

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memories-beneath-the-skin · 9 months

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I didn't want to be torn apart and discarded

I needed to be disassembled and lovingly put back together

#original writing #writerscommunity #writers on tumblr #twcwriting #twcpoetry #poems and poetry #prose #spilled thoughts #spilled ink #raw thoughts #dark poetry

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sheviolentlyher · 1 month

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wednesday morning

sun has risen. so we are both shining. I call that duality.

I feel a bit healing today- I think I want to repot some of my plants. 🪴

I’m gonna do my errands early so I can come home and move the flow of my house. it feels so good to trash the old— spiritually , mentally and physically, materially.

cleansing is the theme. realignment is the main character. gotta believe you are limitless baby.

they were serious when they said you become what you think.

and I’m thinking — godly—— and —- and I have hidden myself in the mountains again.

-x

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lizlives · 6 months

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Sometimes I'll see discourse involving a demographic I'm a part of doing something bad or ignorant and I will never have heard of that happening aside from there. Like, I'll agree that what's being described is bad and that people shouldn't be doing it, but this is also literally my first time hearing about it. The only really net affect that it will have on me is now I'm thinking about/worried about falling into something that I didn't know I even could.

I don't know if this reflects well, badly, or neutrally on me. I dunno it's just kinda weird and unpleasant. I obviously don't think ill of the people talking about it, maybe I'm just really out of the loop about these things lol.

#discourse #raw thoughts

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mossandthoughts · 6 months

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I live such a privileged life. I have parents who are willing to ignore my queerness and let me live at home. I cannot afford to move out. They love me in their own way despite God saying I am an abomination and will end up in hell.

I have a minimum wage job that keeps me busy. I have a few treasured friends. My mind has always been ill but thanks to medication I still have faint dreams of living in a small cottage somewhere and researching something of interest.

I have a rather large extended family who i care so much for even if some of them dont like who I am.

And I truly try to appreciate what I have and create beauty out of the mundane. My family started with nothing and now we breathe a little easier. Still, pennie’s are pinched. That’s the way things have always been.

I am no stranger to trauma and death within my own personal life.

Being a history lover I have studied the past and its triumphants and tragedies in every form.

Yet, death and suffering has become much more personal in my recent years. And wether it be some horror stories from war vets or School shootings on the news-With the internet nowadays I can read first hand accounts of survivors within my own agegroup. I’ve seen videos of Children huddled in a classroom trying to stifle their panicked sobs as a shooter hunts their building.

Ive seen videos of mothers crying over the cold bodies of their toddlers in Gaza. Those babies never knew a world that wasn’t against them.

Mothers, fathers, aunts and uncles some dead, some just clinging to life staring at me through my bright phone screen. I check the date and time, it was posted a couple hours ago. How long do they have to live? Will they survive the night? I feel sick and then I have to turn my phone off. It’s sickening that I can do that. It feels so wrong.

I’m reminded again just how good I have it. I’m reminded how that could have been my younger cousins. We are all human. Are they not my brothers? Sisters?

I hug my family and I tell them I love them often. I try to quell the thoughts of them in similar tragic situations. As of late I cannot help but fear that something like what I see online will happen to my loved ones in my lifetime.

#raw thoughts #queer thoughts #thoughts #worries #worldnews #journal #unedited #ramblings

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rockinginneverland · 2 years

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Is the fact that I’m terrified to read the last book in the addicted/Calloway sisters series for the only reason that I don’t want to say goodbye. I don’t want to let go of these characters that I met back in February that have helped me immensely, that have held my hand, that have become a part of me. I’m terrified of reading this last book because reading it means saying goodbye, means facing the fact that I won’t read about them again, means having to let go of that hand that has helped me go through my battles. Because I’m terrified that I’ll have to carry on without them and I will have to face the fact that they will be okay without me but I don’t know if I’ll be okay without them thou I know I’ll be okay, I just don’t want to know what it is going to be like to face what’s yet to come on my own again. I know I’ll always have them in my heart and they will be with me bc they became a part of me. Is the knowledge of no longer knowing about them that hurts me, that feels like goodbye, that makes my heart ache cause I don’t wish to forget. I’m terrified of finishing that book because I don’t want it to be over. Because not reading that book means having something to look forward to, means I keep holding on. But I know I cannot postpone the inevitable forever and should just rip the bandaid off and do it but I’m terrified of not knowing what to do once they are gone and I’m here trying to stand up on my own once more. Idk this series means the world to me and I really don’t know how I’m going to find the strength to say goodbye and read the last book in the series. How I’m going to let go.

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raw-thoughts-101 · 1 year

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You want to hide behind your money troubles,

Blame the inflation.

It would've cost you exactly 0 shillings to water my withering spirit.

And you let me die.

But you raised enough for a grand send off for me.

You had enough to pay for the perfect catering and themed decor

To make sure your tummies were full while you mourned for me.

You wore matching suits and shirts, and brought bouquets of fresh roses to my casket.

But the words of encouragement were too expensive.

Your hands were too busy to clap for me while the world booed at me.

Now you are gathered to honour me,

While your attention was far too snatched to give me listening ears then.

Now I'm all over your socials, with crying emojis,

While my number was and is still blocked because i always called at midnight with a mental breakdown,

And interrupted you much needed sleep and break from the far too tiresome hustle in the day.

Speaker after speaker you say help is always near,

all that is needed is to ask

Well, i pleaded and i begged..

My last words were please and help,

But yet here we are.

You look at my empty sunken eyes and the guilt chokes you.

You promise to do better,

To give the best ,but,- as soon as you have enough left to give.

As soon as you have enough time left to give

As soon as you have enough energy left to give,

As soon as you have enough money left to give.

And again, it'll just be a matter of time before we all gather again,

in matching shirts and with bouquets of flowers,

after filling our stomachs with catered meals in an immaculatly decored event,

To put another starved, beaten up spirit to rest.

And God forbid a lifeless body, with eyes sucken like mine.

#hurtquotes #im hurtin #love me #villain #spilled thoughts #raw thoughts #silent screams

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shadowsandthorns · 2 years

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My sun

I think you must be the sun,

For my whole being revolves around you.

You pull me close,

And I can’t help

but be drawn to you,

To your light.

Not like a moth to the flame,

No.

Your weren’t my end,

You were my revival.

Your light,

I seek it like a lost child,

Terrified, shrouded in darkness,

Who sees a lamp burning in a hut faraway,

And his heart flutters with hope,

At the promise of salvation.

That’s what you are to me.

My hope, my light.

My life.

~M

#poetry #original poetry #spilled ink #thoughts #quotes #original work #writing #poems and poetry #love poetry #poems and quotes #love quotes #raw thoughts #short poem #writers #words #writeblr #writerscommunity #love #poets on tumblr

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