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darkacademicfrom2021 · 3 years

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The Dark Team (part 11)

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Warnings: Cookies and idiots. You might get diabetes.

N/A: I'm on a family trip right now so I'm being a little unactive but I'll do my best to be still updating on here. Thank you so much to everyone who reads and comments, you truly make me want to write twice as much.

The Dark Team: (Taglist: @lucywrites02, @louieboo87, @the-departed-potato, @jesuswasnotawhiteman, @idontknow296, @beksib, @spythoschei, @geekwritersworld, @whatafuckingdumbass, @mysticunicorn7 @shadowolf993 @toe-vind-ek-jou @joscelyn02, @t00-pi )

“Are you sure that’s how you should be sending those?”. His nosy ass telling you how to do your job in your midgardian electronics was just amazing, truly. “It would be faster for them if you send it with that link instead of…”.

“Listen, Mischief”, you interrupted his unnecessary corrections “I don’t tell you how to levitate, what about you don’t tell me how to do this?”.

“I don’t levitate”.

“Not the point. This is my deal. Besides, since when and how do you know how to handle midgardian tech?”.

“I… I’m bored”.

“Do I look like an entertainment to you right now?”.

“What do you mean right now? Are you planning on entertaining me later?”.

“I will choke you if you keep doing that”.

“Do you promise?”.

"Yes, my dear".

"Can't wait, then", he smirked. You rolled your eyes, about to answer something snappy, but the work was more important at the moment.

Your phone beeped, pulling you out of the very one sided discussion. You went back to your work in silence, getting your full focus and concentration on it. If it weren’t for Loki, you would’ve already done a thousand more other things. But, as a bug on the lenses, he was stuck to your side. It seemed like you were babysitting him.

Peter was staring at the roof from the couch. A pile of homework laid by his side, untouched, and his unlocked phone seemed to be waiting for him to make a call he didn’t want to. Loki observed him, unsure if it was a good idea to ask. You looked at his uncertainty from over your shoulder, and watched him finally give up on the idea of socially interacting with the kid, sitting down by your side on the big, big (and, exaggeratingly pointing out, big; yet he sat in the nearest chair from you) table.

The compound certainly was a boring place when uninhabited, and the sun was already teasing with coming down, making the common room’s lights turn brighter and warmer. Maybe it was automatic, maybe it was Friday. You couldn’t care less, for you were too distracted by Loki’s gaze on your work.

“Loki, for fuck’s sake, would you stop staring, my dearest?”, you asked, imitating his tone of voice, hoping it’d make it less aggressive and a bit more fun. He rolled his eyes and smirked, understanding your intentions. You sounded as tired of him as you were.

“I’m...”.

“Bored, I know. What about you go entertain Pete? He looks equally, if not more, bored as you. And you’re interfering with my work, which I do not appreciate very much”.

“How am I supposed to entertain him? I’m not a clown”, he argued, slightly offended but just wanting to make time and conversation. You sighed.

“Then why do you act like one?”.

“What is that supposed to mean? Is that a midgardian insult I’m not aware of, pancake?”.

“Stop calling me that, it’s not derogative”.

“It wasn’t intended to be deroga…”.

“I’d kill for some pancakes”, interrupted Peter, trying to pull you two out of your quarrels. “Or something sweet”.

“Oh, the kid got peckish. This is perfect; you can go get him something sweet and leave my workspace alone”, you said, patting his back with an exhausted grin.

He rolled his eyes, but walked down to the kitchen looking for whatever could satiate Peter. There wasn’t anything. One would think that a billionaire would have the fridge full of chocolates, wouldn’t you?, he thought, exhausted by the idea of having to actually leave the compound to get him something. Last time he tried to buy something in Midgard, he accidentally paid three salaries to the workers in the name of Stark. He was so embarrassed, he said it was on purpose and called it an act of mischief. But it was, in fact, pure and raw unawareness of midgardian’s use of money.

“What about we bake something, Mr. Loki?”, proposed Peter, with a flaming interest in seeing what those magic hands could do with food. You chuckled, pretty sure they could do nothing; he had been a prince for over a thousand years, when could he have learnt to bake by himself?

Loki lowered his gaze, confronted with both thoughts of his companions, and their respective expectations. Truth was, you were right. But he couldn't disappoint the kid like that, he had to at least try. Peter's eyes shone brighter than ever, and you wondered if Loki was actually enjoying his company. They looked fine. And, finally, you had some space to work without distractions.

“In normal circumstances I’d reject you, spider boy, but since y/n seems to be about to hang me by the neck on the tip of the tower, might as well do this”, he said, stealing a glance at you and smirking.

“It’s an honor you decide to spend your last moments baking with me, Mr. Loki”.

“Sure, let’s go, child”.

“I’m not a child”.

“Alright”.

And just like that, they left the working area and moved to the kitchen. Both rooms were connected by a huge glassless window and a counter, so you were able to peep in and make sure they didn’t actually burn down the compound (which was the only rule Tony had) and work peacefully at the same time.

After what seemed like an eternity, they still couldn’t accept they were failing miserably, and kept stirring the mix in a bowl. Flour formed clouds around them as Peter sneezed it away, and Loki’s hair had some cream on his (now not so) impeccable hair. Peter laughed at Loki’s commentary and poor baking skills, and Loki playfully mocked how his stickiness wasn’t helpful at all.

“Have you ever baked before, Mr. Loki?”.

“I haven’t but I’ve seen people bake, I figured I could imitate them”.

“Your mum, right? I used to bake with my aunt May a lot, but just now I realize maybe she was doing everything and I was eating the dough by her side”.

“That sounds more like it”, he chuckled. The mixing bowl trembled in his hand as he got distracted by the flying eggs coming at him, and it slipped out of him, smashing near half the mix onto the floor. “Oh, fuck”.

“It’s fine, we can use the one that’s left!”.

“Your positiveness astonishes me, spider boy”.

“Spider man”.

“Right, apologies”.

“We have already put in the flour, the sugar, the eggs, the milk… What else is in the recipe?”.

“I’m trying to remember, let me see”, he closed his eyes and muttered to himself “they used cinnamon, I think. And maybe butter? Yes, and chocolate chips”.

“Who?”.

“Ah, this recipe isn’t my mum’s. She didn’t bake either, you know, Queens don’t get their hands dirty” he laughed. “It was my companion’s”, he spat and suddenly realized what he had said. He lowered his head and sighed.

“Your companion?”, asked Peter. “As in partner? A spouse?”.

“Not spouse, just… you know, I’m just realizing I shouldn’t be talking to you about it”, he brushed it off, absolutely regretting it. Because Peter, unlike any other person, lacked filters.

So he would ask and ask and not realize where to stop. And at that point you could say Peter had become some sort of a weakness in Loki’s roughness. Peter was the softest, purest and better intentioned person he had ever met (or at least that’s how he saw him; of course, Loki had never seen him in action, fighting crime), and Loki was incapable of actually denying things to him. It didn’t matter how much Peter insisted on not being seen as a child, Loki was a thousand years older.

“No, please do. Now you’ve caught my attention”, he insisted, trying to clean some of the dough from the floor. Loki sighed, watching how the kid begged him to tell him more from his feet. “Please, Mr. Loki, I swear I won’t tell”.

“Well, my lover was the one who used to cook for us”, he explained as if he was telling someone else’s story. He clearly was trying to disengage his own emotions in order to tell them out loud. “And they’d usually bake some kick-ass cinnamon cookies”.

Peter had to grab the counter to steady himself from laughter, and you couldn’t help to snort at the conversation you were indiscreetly eavesdropping. Loki smiled.

“Then we have to replicate them, if they’re so kick-ass to make you say a midgardian expression”.

“We must, but I can’t remember quite well the next steps. It’s all sort of a blur now”.

“Can’t we ask them?”.

“No”, he said quickly. The air tensed, and untensed as fast as he realized. He especified again, trying to sound less affected by it “we can’t”.

“Oh”, Peter sounded so disappointed, Loki’s heart broke a little. “Are they dead?”.

“Oh my God, Pete, you can’t just ask…”, you intervened, trying to save Loki from further discomfort.

“It’s okay, they’re… well, they’re gone”, he said with a soft voice, raising his eyebrows as who tries to explain to a little kid why their fish is upside down, leaving to the imagination the typical trace of sadness that would follow. His eyes focused on the mixing bowl, reminiscing another time, another way. Eyes of someone who tries his best to never forget the little details from someone who’s not here anymore, because memories are all he has left. He immediately snapped out of his thoughts and tried to play it cool. “But guess who’s not gone? This dough on the floor. Let’s clean it up, kid”.

“Gone as in dead?”, insisted Peter, who had a very poor self control. You would’ve grabbed your face with eight hands if you could.

“Peter, don’t…”.

“Yes, they’re dead. Inside a coffin, rotting, getting eaten by worms. You know”, said Loki, this time jokingly, trying to scare off Peter. But it didn’t work, since Peter just kept asking about it. Loki was already too tired of having to take his brain yet again to places he didn’t want them to be.

“I’m really sorry, Mr. Loki. Must be very painful”. The empathy in his eyes gave Loki the hint that he was not only being sincere, but curious about Loki's life. Interested, engaged. Not just morbidly curious, but wanting to get to know him better. Unfortunately, Loki couldn’t allow that. He would have to get the mission done, not make any friends, and go back to Asgard as alone as he came. It was the deal, the price he had to pay, the invisible handcuffs, the imaginary rope tying around his neck. Tightly, tightly, tighter.

“It’s alright, it was long ago”.

“Was they Asgardian, like you?”.

“I’m not actually Asgardian. I was raised there, but I’m from Jotunheim”.

Loki managed to move the conversation further than his lover (which he regretted highly to have brought the subject in the first place), and Peter got more and more interested in confirming how many of his mythology stories were true or not. The kitchen was the warmest place in the whole compound, and something started to smell like burnt sugar.

“So you did actually make Sif, Thor’s wife, bald? And did he make you go get her a wig in Svárthelfeim?”, he asked at the speed of light, and Loki laughed.

“Lady Sif’s not actually Thor’s betrothed. And no, I didn’t make her bald”, he said, and then muttered “she just happened to have a very low quality shampoo”.

“Ah, the cookies!”, Peter turned off the stove and took them out carefully, as to not get burned (again).

Loki peeped through the window to check on you. Your head, laying tiredly over your hands, seemed to be about to give up on you out of exhaustion. You haven’t slept properly since the mission started, and you couldn’t get your head off work for a moment. He approached you from behind and left a fresh cup of coffee and a couple of warm cookies by your side. You smiled at him gently and thanked him. If it wasn’t him you were talking about, you could’ve swore he blushed.

You have gotten so tranquil after one simple gesture, you hoped to get all your nerves down before going to sleep. Maybe it wasn’t that bad to have been stuck with them in the compound. They seemed to be having a good time, and Loki had nothing on his mind more than to have a rest after such hectic days.

“How long until you finish there?”, he asked with a low voice, a raspy, almost groany voice, that made you want to shut your computer down and throw it out of the window. You didn’t, instead, you checked your clock.

“Very soon, I’ll join you guys in a bit”.

#loki #loki fanfic #loki fic #loki headcanon #loki x reader #loki x y/n #loki x gender neutral reader #loki x avenger!reader #loki laufeyson #loki odinson #loki friggason #mcu loki #peter parker #y/n

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kashimos-hajime · 4 years

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dear... whoever | b.b.

summary: a mandated series of long and short diary entries from the new head of R&D for Stark Industries.

WARNINGS: swearing, LOTS of fluff, mentions of drinking and sex and hospitals and guns, general fun and witty attitude, small angst, big jealousy, obviously au after civil war. everything after does not exist. pairing: bucky barnes x fem!reader word count: 9.5k

a/n: written for @softbiker and 100% inspired by @sunmoonandbucky with the format. my prompt was let me love you by rita ora and i wrote it from the perspective the singer is singing it to rather than the actual singer. this was super fun to write. enjoy!

July 31/20

Dear…

Whoever is going to read this. So… me, in the future probably. So, it should be dear WHOMever, I think, but it sounds wrong.

Is it too cliché to say dear diary? I don’t know. After all, I don’t WANT to be writing this but unfortunately I am because it’s mandated. Apparently, the psychiatrist that works for Stark Industries thinks it’s necessary that I write down my feelings and show that I’ve adjusted to working part-time superhero, full-time head of Tony’s stupid R&D department.

Something about how that much stress can cause psychotic fractures in the worst case scenario.

Cute.

Anyway, I don’t know what to write. Currently, it’s 4:23AM. The only reason I’m awake is because I have trouble sleeping on the best night. I heard Barnes messing about and because I am the Hermit of the Rec Room Couch (catchy, I know), I can hear him just walking about.

What the hell is he even doing?

To be honest, I’ve never talked to Barnes besides the occasional greetings because he’s the sort to keep to himself, I guess, and, valid. I’m not saying it’s not, considering his history, but you know.

I think I’m a friendly person, and I’m bored. He’s eventually going to hear me writing noisily because of super-soldier hearing or whatever, so I might just get up and introduce myself.

Not that I’ve been working here for years, but whatever.

I’m really bored and hungry, honestly, so a trip to the kitchen would be considered normal (and warranted) in such circumstances.

Fuck it.

Time to make a new friend or die trying. If you never hear from me again, you’ll know why.

Aug. 1/20

Dear Jane,

I finally got the time to write in here and you may be wondering why I have named you. Well, after the conversation at roughly 4:30 AM, here are things that’ve changed in a disorganized list. None is more important than the other. I'm just writing what comes to my head.

One: Barnes said he doesn’t really let anyone call him James. I called him James once because I forgot. Profuse apologies followed. He said it was okay and didn’t mind me calling him that. Now, in my mind, I think he’s just saying this to be polite and really just wants me to call him Bucky but he seemed sincere. We’ll see how it goes.

Two: Barnes was awake because his cat woke him up. I didn’t even know he had a cat but it’s a gorgeous white cat named Alpine that Barnes carries around in his half-zipped up hoodies sometimes. It’s adorable. He’s super soft and friendly and I love him already. He showed me all the tricks Alpine could do. Amazing.

Three: Barnes’ favourite movie is the Godfather. Totally surprising there. Please tell me you understand sarcasm.

Four: He said he liked the name Jane when I told him what I was doing up and also in the rec room (couldn’t sleep, writing in my diary) and that I didn’t want to say “Dear diary”

“Why don’t you just give it a name?” he eloquently suggested and Jane was his answer to my question of “Which name?”

Five: Barnes, or James, I guess he is now, is my friend.

Six: We said we’d meet up at 4:30AM or earlier again because I told him I wanted to show him my s’mores dip recipe.

Seven: Wish me luck. Hope I don’t get murdered.

Eight: I think I might be in love with him.

Bye.

Aug. 5/20

Dear Jane,

In an effort to summarize what has happened in the past four days, I will open with the fact that James Buchana Barnes is the cutest motherfucker on the planet. He’s super old fashioned, but that’s a given. He opens the doors for me, offers to take my bags up, and in the past four days, we’ve met up at around midnight to just eat and chat. Then he walks me back to my room with a glass of water and I’m left fanning myself because it’s so sweet and he’s so sweet and OH, MY GOD, I am a child.

This feels like a crush. Like, butterflies in my stomach, self-conscious every time he looks at me, can’t stop staring, and wanting to impress him at every turn sort of crush.

AKA, a middle-school crush and I feel completely ridiculous but that is besides the point because he’s just the loveliest person.

Someone should tell him chivalry is dead. Steve thinks he’s just being sweet on me, and Sam says I should flash some ass just to get a rise out of him which would be funny. He’d look absolutely adorable blushing his head off.

We’ll see. I am considering it.

What else happened? I’m drawing a huge blank.

As explained in a previous entry, I was to show Barnes my s’mores dip recipe. Huge success. Crowd loved it. That’s how I learned he has a huge sweet tooth like me. Got an email from Pep about a board meeting which I ignored. If it’s really important, she’ll see me in person. Went swimming with Sam. We started planning Tony’s big Christmas party even though that’s MONTHS away.

But, you know. We’re so busy all the time, it might be worth it planning ahead.

As head of R&D, it’s vital to me that this goes well because they’re fun when they do go well, and a chaotic disaster when they don’t. Also, I have to find a date but details will follow.

I think that’s it.

If there’s more to follow, then I’ll just come back but there really isn’t.

Oh, Alpine found my room. He’s in here right now and he snores. It’s cute, just like his owner.

Okay, goodnight.

Aug. 7/20

Dear Jane,

Sam, James, and I went swimming.

Pro of the day: James is ripped and that man was GLISTENING.

Con of the day: I AM STUPID in front of hot ripped men.

Pro of the day: We got ice cream together. Strawberry for me, mango for James because he wants to try new flavours, and Sam ordered some monstrosity with vanilla ice cream, chocolate and raspberry syrups, and a bunch of banana slices. A swirl of whipped cream to finish it off. It looked like diabetes in a cup and that’s coming from me.

Con of the day: James used his thumb to wipe the ice cream off my lip and my brain short-circuited. Sam teased us about it, but James very stubbornly and convincingly said we’re just friends.

Con of the day x2: We are just friends and that is NOT going to change. I cannot explain how much my heart literally fell out of my body in disappointment.

God, and James and I are meeting up at 2AM tonight so he can show me this new stupid stuffed celerey recipe he learned.

It’s not stupid.

It’s really, REALLY cute he researched it.

This sucks.

Aug. 11/20

The worst day ever. I don’t want to talk about it but might as well make a note on it. More on it later, I guess.

Aug. 15/20

Dear Jane,

Sorry, I’m dramatic. Must get it from working with Tony for so many years.

Let’s just review what occurred on August 11, 2020, at approximately 3:23 in the afternoon.

I learned that James went out on a date. A DATE. From SAM. When James had ample opportunity to tell me at our regular meeting at witching hour over celery sticks.

EXCUSE ME? WHO IS THIS WOMAN?

I’m not even mad. I’m just angry that the man I became friends with only 2 weeks ago and caught feelings immediately for is seeing other people.

I sound like a raging bitch. I promise you, Jane, that I am not. I’m just the insanely jealous type.

No, I’m not.

God, what is happening to me and why does it have to be James.

I never get crushes and the instant I do, it’s for the most emotionally and physically unavailable person ON EARTH.

Also, work was work. I was distracted, drank soup from the canteen, and generally accomplished nothing. Alpine came for some snuggles while James was out. That’s the only good thing.

Thanks, universe.

Aug. 16/20

Dear Jane,

So, I brought up this mystery lady over homemade sundaes.

James seems pretty serious about her because he a) apologized for not telling because he wanted to keep it private and asked me not to tell anyone and b) has a second date with her later today.

Oh, GOD. There is no point to this.

Aug. 19/20

Dear Jane,

What’s the point of asking someone intimate, personal questions if not because you guys are best friends?

James called me his best friend today. He says he knows me, but if he did, he’d know I feel like throwing up whenever he’s around and that his stare burns through every layer of clothing until I feel like he just knows my secret.

I told him we’ve known each other less than a month, but he said something stupidly charming about “intuition” and feeling and that this feels right and how he knows he can tell me anything and that I was an easy person to talk to.

I should’ve been a shrink.

At least, my trip to Wakanda is going to give me distance. A solid two months of no one else but me, tech, and new faces. Going there to collaborate with Shuri is definitely exciting and taking up more space in my brain than James these days.

Maybe I’ll fall in love with some soldier over there because apparently, I’m catching feelings willy-nilly these days.

See you on the plane, Jane.

Aug. 23/20

Dear Jane,

On the quinjet, it’s fairly quiet. It’s one of the things I love about it. The silent yet soft engines that can lull me to sleep. We should be arriving in a few hours so I thought I’d write. I’m getting the hang of this, I think.

There's a press conference later, too, in the trip with the UN and it’s not that I can’t handle it, but that I could’ve done this in my sleep and wished Tony sent someone else. I hate the press, not gonna lie.

Anyway, this gives me time to be introspective.

Is it just me or James always Okay, is it just my imagination that whenever I try to get close to James, he just kinda pulls away? Not in a romantic way. I’m not stealing anyone’s man because girl code, but he won’t even let me just stand near him anymore. It’s like I have an infectious disease only transmitted through physical contact and it’s just weird.

I don’t know.

Before I left, he said he’d miss me and that we should keep in touch through calls (Obviously, I would) and that he hopes I won’t forget him.

So, you say those things but you won’t even let me even hug you?

You’re a manipulative asshole, Barnes.

Oct. 20/20

Dear Jane,

I am so sorry that it has taken so long for us to reunite.

In hindsight, I’m a fucking idiot.

I left you on the quinjet which went back to New York and a different quinjet came to pick me up. I came back like two days ago so these past few days have been spent searching for you.

James offered to help, and he seems normal again.

Weird. Guess he was just in a mood with the new girlfriend and adjusting to having me as a friend, too. Guys go through that, I guess.

In Wakanda, I did not, in fact, fall in love with a soldier or anything. I curse every day that I didn’t, trust me. I’m just as disappointed as you are because I just want to get over this stupid crush. For the two months I was gone, it was like I didn’t like James at all like that. Even during calls, I could pretend we were just two teammates keeping each other in the loop. He talked about his girlfriend, I listened, I explained science because he’s a nerd, and he asked questions like he was interested.

It was FINE.

Then, he was waiting for me when I came back to NYC and it slammed into me like Bruce in Hulk-mode.

James asked if I wanted to meet his girlfriend because she’d be coming around for the Halloween party anyway, and he thinks we’ll get along swimmingly.

He really said swimmingly. He is stuck in the wrong era, but we all knew that.

I said yes, to be polite.

Here’s to hoping she’s a vindictive bitch and I am justified in hating her entire being.

Oct. 22/20

Dear Jane,

I met her. She’s small and pretty and mature and normal.

If I wasn’t stupidly in my feelings about James, I’d love her, too.

She’d treat him right, give him a good home to come back to.

Best not to notice the people fighting beside you in that way, I guess.

Oct. 25/20

Dear Jane,

God is dead and NO ONE has eyes on the road.

Jesus isn’t even taking the wheel on this one.

It’s a fucking disaster.

I do not want to describe in every little detail the intricacies of dreaming about James Buchanan Barnes fucking my brains out, so I won’t, but this is for the record that it happened and how the fuck am I supposed to come back and see him in his probably gorgeous attempt at his recreation of Brendan Fraser from the Mummy AKA my favourite movie (which HE KNOWS THAT IT IS?? GOD, the audacity.)

Girlfriend (his girlfriend. “Girlfriend” is the name which she shall be henceforth known as in these entries because petty wins are all I have right now) is dressing as Rachel Weisz. Because “couples goals” or whatever.

I wouldn’t know. Sam and I are dressed up as sexy salt and pepper shakers (his idea, not mine) and he made me take the salt stick because I think he knows. Steve’s not dressing up because he’s more focused on handing out candy as Captain America.

Tony is… Tony. Iron Man and all that.

Anyway, I’m out of town in DC for a meeting with the Secretary of State for a few days, but I’ll be back in New York on the 30th so I’ll have a few hours to adjust to being around James again before he dons on that outfit that I know will be totally hot.

He called me his best friend again in his latest email.

Made me smile like an idiot, but I digress.

Nov. 1/20

Dear Jane,

Halloween was killer. Sam and I won best duo for costumes because we’re that good. Ate a lot of candy and it seems to be looking up.

I dunno. I didn’t mind James and Girlfriend on the couch that much in the after-party. Mostly stuck by Nat and Sharon and Tony. An ood trio, but a fun one nonetheless.

It was fun, but I still have to go to work no matter how many jello shots and vodka gummy bears consumed.

Wish me luck, not that I need it.

Why do you think Tony hired me?

Nov. 4/20

Dear Jane.

Natasha said I smile at James in a way that utterly betrays every emotion I want to hide in my chest.

Note to self: Don’t smile at James, or at his jokes, or at anything he ever does again. Avoid him. Put a stopper on this friendship.

Note to note to self: I can’t. He just makes me smile whenever he’s around and he’s always around. There’s no simpler way to put it.

I’m gonna try this hiatus thing, though. Distance myself a bit. We’ll see how it goes.

Nov. 13/20

Dear Jane,

Day nine of this hiatus business and it sucks. I miss my best friend.

We’re scheduled for a mission together, and we’re leaving tomorrow so I was going to have to talk to him during the briefing and the op either way.

Well, glad to know this didn’t work.

Nov. 15/20

Dear Jane,

Guess who just got fucking shot!

ME!

Guess even scumbags can’t take a holiday because some stupid arms dealer got a cheap shot on me while I was downloading their whole computer system and other tech mumbo-jumbo I am too high to write about.

James left a few hours ago with the rest of the team, but not before he got me a bunch of ice chips and said he was worried and that he hopes I get better soon. He even promised to get me some flowers to spruce up the room and to say my HEART went CRAZY is an understatement.

He came to my rescue, essentially, as soon as he heard I got pinned. He carried me to the quinjet the instant he cleared the area and stayed by my side the whole time even though the bleeding stopped and I was in good hands. He was just so protective, barking at doctors and nurses. It was embarrassing but also really, really sweet.

Is it weird of me to say that I want him to stay by my side forever?

I’ve never fallen in love before.

Is it always this fast and this hard? I feel like I’m crashing instead of gently and wonderfully falling. Everything is dumb and awful.

Is this what love is like? Because it hurts worse than getting shot because I think I’m going to vomit flowers or butterflies or something.

God, he’d never love me. We’re just friends and even though we have a lot in common, he’d never. It’s just too much of the past in the present or whatever.

Also, he has a girlfriend but it seems very surface-level. God, that makes me sound like a “one of the boys” type of girl who’s a bitch to one of the boy’s new girlfriends, but I don’t know. James told me they don’t really talk about the deep stuff like we do. But she makes him happy, I think.

In hindsight, one may ask what the deep stuff is.

More on that later. I’m tired.

God, why him?

I HATE THIS.

goodnight.

Nov. 16/20

Dear Jane,

James visited again today. He sat beside me and we talked until the nurses had to kick him out. He also brought the flowers.

I asked about Girlfriend casually. I said I liked her.

He said he did, too.

I don’t know why I think he’s lying. No, I do.

It’s because jealousy is the green-eyed bitch from highschool who still shows up in my life because she thinks she’s relevant to society.

That was mean. Unrequited love makes you mean. Side effect noted.

P.S. The deep stuff includes his past, his arm, his memory, his favourite colour. I dunno why that matters. It just does.

Nov. 17/20

Dear Jane,

Got out of the hospital today because of advanced technology and all that. Nothing’s left but a scar and residual soreness. James helped me to my room and said to call him if I had a problem.

I joked that he has a girlfriend and for some reason, he got really weird about it. It’s hard to describe. I dunno. Nat dropped by for popcorn and movies.

It’s 2:32AM. I’m wondering if he’s in the kitchen but I’m confined to bed rest so I don’t know. Also, Nat is asleep beside me and I don’t want to bother her.

Hopefully I can get up and move in a few days. Life is boring.

Nov. 24/20

Dear Jane,

Sorry we haven’t caught up in a moment. Work’s been hectic and I’ve been working overtime trying to make ends meet. Most days I’m in the office or lab, just trying to get enough things done so I can take time off come Christmas.

James stopped by tonight with Chinese takeout and some sweet buns.

He broke up with his girlfriend, too.

Guess that’s why he was being weird about it.

I tried being as casual as I could asking why, but he didn’t want to talk about it, so I asked why he came by. Couldn’t be for the company because when I’m in work mode, I just don’t talk and he knows that.

He said something about his arm feeling funny so I gave it a quick diagnostics check.

I think both of us knew his arm was feeling fine.

Everything is stupid, life is meaningless, and James’ lips are the prettiest shade of pink in the ugly lights of the lab.

I would very much like to have kissed him, but I didn’t.

Girl code.

It’ll probably be a while before I get another chance to actually have time and energy to write another diary entry. Christmas season’s coming close and Pepper is gonna need help with the party.

Yay, me.

Dec. 4/20

Dear Jane,

Morgan asked me in less eloquent words if I had a boyfriend (it was more like “You boyfriend?” But whatever. Who even taught her that word?) and I swear to GOD Nat could not make it anymore obvious looking at James.

Remind me to absolutely throttle her. I don’t care if she’s the infamous Black Widow. She has clearly never seen me hopped up on nothing but a negative amount of sleep and rage/embarrassment/spite/all of the above.

On another note, Pep asked if I was bringing a plus one for the party. I said I’d think about it. Normally I’d just take Sam but he has his eyes on someone at the VA and I like my friends getting laid so no go there.

Might just go alone. I don’t know.

Pep said I should take James, but I don’t really think she knows the truth about that situation. Luckily, Tony instantly rejected the idea and said he’d find me a date if I couldn’t.

Thank the universe for at least placing me in the close circle of the most well-known and richest man in the world because he also gave me his card and said go wild.

He knows me so well. I’m thinking about Christmas shopping when I have another free day, and I’ll pay for that with my own money, of course, but clothes shopping is a free market.

I cannot wait.

Dec. 12/20

Dear Jane,

I wish I could show you my haul, but I got so much stuff Happy had to drive to help me. Besides obvious gifts, I also managed to snag a gorgeous dress for the party.

Thoughts on black and gold?

I think it’s beautiful. Hopefully Nat and Sharon think so. We’re having a girls night tonight and showing off outfits, so that’s exciting.

James asked if we could meet up tonight.

I told him I had plans and he looked so downcast.

I dunno. Everything feels weird between us. Like we’re fine, we’re best friends still, but something’s changed when no one was looking. He’s single now. I guess that energy is different because I had gotten used to his energy with ex-Girlfriend.

I don’t exactly mind but it’s not ideal either. I miss summer. It’s much less complicated than winter. Winter, one has to worry about wind and chills and snows blocking roads, black ice, dry skin, freezing fingers.

Summer: there’s just a lot of sun, wind, bugs, and the vaguest notion of being bored.

Look, I love winter. It’s my favourite season. It’s quiet and gorgeous and dreamy, even though it gets dreary in New York. The snow falls slowly sometimes, Christmas is gorgeous here, and I’d rather be cold than sweating buckets, and there are no bugs to bother me. Also, it gives me a good reason to stay in the labs or in my room where it’s warm and toasty.

I just miss the relative simplicity when James and I were just strangers on the edge of being friends, which is, in retrospect, a selfish reason to like one season and hate another.

Well, some philosopher somewhere probably said something about humanity being selfish.

Dec. 16/20

Dear Jane,

T-minus nine days until the party.

No date in sight.

Maybe I’ll ask Anderson from HR. We had coffee together a few times and he’s nice. Good catch: smart, not too bad looking, and really nice. I’ll head down tomorrow and ask.

Alpine had purred when I told him my plan and headbutted my hand, so I guess I got the Alpine-Seal-of-Approval.

Dec. 17/20

Dear Jane,

Operation: Ask Anderson from HR to Tony’s Christmas Party failed. Granted, it could’ve been because that was a god awful title and that that name, in itself, prophesied catastrophic failure, but also because I was accosted by my best friend.

I wish I meant Sam.

Nope. James caught me in the elevator and we made small talk. Sounds fine, right? Then we turned the topic to the party. Talked about clothes and prospective celebrity appearances and drinks and food. Just about everything, so might as well turn to talks about dates, which meant I had to explain why I was in the elevator in the first place.

Going down to ask Anderson ended in James revealing that he didn’t have a date either.

He doesn’t know who Anderson is, which I thought would be the case, and he popped the question before the doors opened.

Notice how I said “didn't” have a date.

Guess who’s going to the party with James, clearly stated as friends, platonic soulmates, etc.?

Me.

Yippee.

Dec. 18/20

Dear Jane,

It’s 3:42AM and I’m in the rec room as usual. I was gonna not write here today but it normally helps me sleep to just write a bit, get what little thoughts are in my head out. Yeah.

I hear James in the kitchen talking to Alpine and it’s making me smile like an idiot.

Oh, shit, he knows I’m in here. He’s making milkshakes.

I am morally obligated by best friend duties to join him.

Goodnight, Jane.

Dec. 24/20

Dear Jane,

I’m not sleeping with James Buchanan Barnes tomorrow night.

This is a resolute promise. An early New Year’s resolution.

Dec. 25/20

Dear Jane,

Merry Christmas!

In between jovial festivities, I’ve finally found a little nook that’s quiet enough to write in. We opened presents, had a big family breakfast, went skating and just lounged around, and frankly, I’m exhausted. Need to recharge the old social battery.

Among the assortment of gifts is one that stands out to me. James got me a gift that said “Open When Alone” and I did before I started this entry and it was a fucking necklace. Like, a gorgeous one. It’s gold and thin and it feels wonderful. There’s a little cat paw charm on it and it’s so pretty because he has a matching bracelet for himself and I have still not yet recovered.

It’s just so sweet and it reminds me why I love him.

Yes, love has made me unbelievably sappy. I just heaved the biggest sigh in history.

Unfortunately, I have to go earlier tonight. To the party, as written in previous entries. I remember my oath of one-night celibacy and I intend on keeping it, despite how fucking endearing this gift was, because he said it best: we’re just friends. I’m not about to coerce my best friend into sleeping with me out of a piteous, unrequited love. That’s just gross.

You will either see me hungover tomorrow, or very drunk later tonight. It’s all very depending on how this night turns out.

Dec. 26/20

Dear Jane,

Fuck.

P.S. He REALLY does not mind me calling him James. Take that as dirtily or as clandestinely as you wish.

Dec. 27/20

Dear Jane,

I spent the entire day in bed with very pleasurable company.

I am SO GLAD we haven’t gotten called in because James doesn’t leave unless to go to sleep in his own bed or to eat, and I do NOT want to explain to the team that James fucked my brains out for two days straight because my heart is bursting.

He’s a good kisser. His lips are soft.

Intimate knowledge of that is now burned into my memory for future reference.

God, this is a dream come true. He doesn’t even question it, he just

It’s like I’m a goddess to him. He treats me like one, at least, and it’s like he’ll do anything I ask. And we act like it’s normal, too. Midnight trips to the kitchen included.

Best Christmas ever.

Dec. 28/20

Dear Jane,

I feel like I’m ignoring you but I’m also having the best sex of my life. He’s just… so fucking good and it’s a holiday and holy shit my mind is blown.

Love at first meeting isn’t real.

Well, maybe this one time, it was destiny.

Dec. 29/20

Dear Jane,

It isn’t just the sex, you know? It’s the pillowtalk, too. He just makes me laugh so much and everything is so easy between us and it feels real. Popcorn and chips in bed, some mojitos, just each other’s presence. It’s enough like that, you know?

Some quote about how the one you love should be both your lover and your best friend is in my head but I’m too lazy to look it up. James’ head is in my lap and he’s just reading while I’m writing and everything seems perfect.

He doesn’t ask what I’m writing because he knows it’s private and I trust him.

This is perfect.

I think I really am IN love with him.

Jan. 1/21

You know that cliché/tradition of New Year’s kisses?

WELL THEN.

Best (and worst) New Year’s ever. I’ll explain more later. I’m too tired and too angry and also sore and bruised.

See you when I’m not hungover.

Jan. 5/21

Dear Jane,

I’m finally stable enough to write.

In a crazy turn of events, Barnes and I got into a fight because of what happened after New Year’s Day’s events: I caught him leaving before I woke up and at first, curious questions ensued, and it wasn’t a fight but then it became one and I don’t even know how it happened. I wasn’t even mad. He just started being weird and I got annoyed and we tried and failed to keep our voices down. Luckily, my room is pretty soundproof.

Things just got out of hand and I feel like tearing my hair out. I wanna storm up to him and just yell some more.

Tony came into my room and didn’t say shit about my hickies and the fact that James is avoiding me like the plague. He gave me a really good hug, though and then gave me a few weeks off extra. I don’t know how he knows, but then again, it’s Tony.

He just said love’s tough sometimes.

Yeah, tell me about it.

I’m thinking about just taking a long vacation and disappearing. It seems like a good route to take at this point.

Jan. 6/21

Dear Jane,

James is looking at me right now as I write this. I wonder if I should look back or if he’s going to come up to me. We’ll see.

I’m only writing this so it seems like I’m busy. I’m running out of things to say, honestly. Can he just go? What’s the point in staring like that? What’s the point?

I could ask myself the same question. What’s the point in loving someone who’ll never love you? Yeah, he’s sleeping with me but he pulls away every time I try to do something more. Outside the bubble of my room and the small time frame of post-11PM to around 4:45AM, he acts like he’s allergic to intimacy.

It was never like that with ex-Girlfriend.

Maybe it’s something to do with me.

I don’t know, but he keeps looking and I want to get up and leave, but I won’t. I’m not gonna let him win.

Jan. 6/21

He didn’t. He just went out. Sam and Steve asked if I was okay because as soon as he left, I got up for the bathroom and screamed into a towel.

I don’t think either of them knows what’s going on, but they have a notion.

Jan. 9/21

Dear Jane,

He apologized. Still no explanation as to why, but it feels weird.

I told him I’m going on a vacation to Switzerland. Go skiing or something and asked if he wanted to come.

It was stupid to ask, but he said yes.

Shit.

Jan. 14/21

Dear Jane,

Switzerland is lovely.

No work is relaxing. Awkwardness between me and the other traveller on this vacation. Weather’s supposed to be nice when we get there. Sunny snow days, pretty mountains, other Swiss things.

No other comment.

Jan. 21/21

Dear Jane,

I lasted all of a week.

Yep, I slept with him again, and yes, he was back in his hotel bed come sunrise.

I dunno. I’m over it. We don’t apologize and hope everything gets back to normal because neither of us want to say anything to ruin it any further and we both have a major fear of the complicated. To be fair, he said he didn’t want to sleep with me if I was completely against it.

Also, I tried calling him Bucky at dinner like ex-Girlfriend (and everyone else) does and he made the most disgusted face.

He said, and I quote, “Bucky? When did I stop being James?”

I told him I was trying something out and he said it failed. Snarky bastard.

I guess if he’s still James, that must mean I’m still special.

That’s the Tony-inherited ego talking.

But it does make me exceptionally happy to play with the idea that I’m special to him. Best friend with convoluted benefits. Sounds like the title of a very long-winded self-help book that doesn’t really help much but that does sound like the story of my life so I can’t complain too much.

We’re going home in a few days.

I’ll probably sleep with him again. Bet Steve’s shield that I do.

Jan. 24/21

Dear Jane,

I get three Steve’s shields because I was right every single fucking day.

He’s like a habit I can’t quite kick and don’t really want to.

We snuggled afterwards last night. His arm was around my shoulders, we were naked, I was resting my head on his chest. For a moment, it felt like something couples do and then I fell asleep and woke up alone.

Quantum physics is easier to understand than this but I think we’re being mutually exclusive right now, so it’s almost dating.

I dunno. I don’t mind it anymore. It’s better than nothing.

Feb. 2/21

Dear Jane,

I’m absolutely miserable.

I’m still getting laid, but that’s not related. Correlation and causation or something.

Why is New York so dreary and when can everything just stop?

I don’t know. Winter is ending and now it’s in that awful transition phase between seasons and it’s mucky and rainy and disgusting. Tony got these limited edition ice cream flavours though so I’m gonna ask James if we can make milkshakes out of them or something.

He doesn’t like the muck either. That’s not really relevant, I guess.

Feb. 14/21

Dear Jane,

I got flowers and chocolate from the department because I think they can sense I’ve been in a bad mood since forever. Then, there was an anonymous delivery and inside was this gorgeous chain bracelet that matches the necklace sort of. I lied and told the department it was from Pepper.

What a wretched holiday.

Yours truly.

Feb. 18/21

Dear Jane,

Normally, when boys get their haircut, they look ugly for a day or two after.

Not James.

He got his hair cut shorter and he looks really good. Like unbelievably good. Short hair fits him just as much as long hair does.

No other observations.

Feb. 25/21

Dear Jane,

It was Morgan’s birthday party today. James came in one of those brown jackets with the sheepskin wool inside and he looked so good. We mainly stayed apart to prevent any dalliance because one does not disappear from the Madame Secretary’s birthday party and the team doesn’t really know what’s happening behind the scenes except for Nat and Tony, really.

I really wanted to kiss him in front of our friends. I caught him staring a few times, and every time, the smile seemed to vanish off his face.

I’m lying in bed and it feels pretty empty.

It occurs to me that I’ve been in love for a pretty long time and I’m not even in a relationship with the guy.

Energy could’ve been devoted to so many other things and I’d hate being in love if it weren’t for the fact that it’s James.

Again, love making me sappy and all that.

Feb. 28/21

Dear Jane,

Jane is such a common name. Some would call it plain yet it means gift from God.

I wonder if James knew that.

Mar. 10/21

Dear Jane,

It’s James’ birthday. Birthday sex is a requirement and a desire. I also got him a gift which is a pair of new black Timbs. I hope he likes them. I’m excited for cake, I guess. Morgan did my makeup but I’m gonna have to wipe it off for the small little party tonight.

I think, ordinarily, I’d be in knots because it’s James’ birthday and I love him and he’s my best friend, but I just don’t know. March is fairly boring and contemplative and rainy. Work is work. Helen Cho did a presentation on her Cradle technology. Very cool.

Mar. 20/21

Dear Jane,

It’s raining and doesn’t feel like spring. Alpine vomited on my bed a few days ago because he’s not feeling well. James and I took him to the vet and he’s on antibiotics. Poor boy. He’s sleeping in the corner of my room right now while James is away on a mission. I think I’ll just work from my room for a bit until he’s feeling better.

Nothing much to report, which is why I didn’t write anything. The month passed by too quickly. James should be back by the end of the month. I miss him and not because of the sex. No one else who doesn’t work for me or pays me listens to me ramble on their own free will. Talking to screens just isn’t the same.

April 1/21

James got back really early this morning and I, by tradition, was awake. I sort of wish I wasn’t though. In true April Fool’s tradition, I made fun of him for being a day late to which he genuinely apologized. I told him to shower and get to sleep but he was in that mood where you’re so exhausted you’re wide awake.

James suggested we make really strong cocktails for each other as a celebration for an extraction mission completed successfully.

Who am I to say no to celebrating?

He really likes grapefruit juice so I made a REALLY strong Grapefruit Paloma. He made this really interesting drink that was purple and tasted like oranges and cranberries. A lot of blue curacao was in it so it was pretty bitter but it hit like a fucking truck which is probably why I didn’t understand anything he said at first.

He told me he loved me.

I think, somehow, he managed to get drunk after the Grapefruit Paloma and two more bottles of vodka. Don’t ask me how because Steve NEVER gets drunk. Maybe HYDRA-brand serum is faulty? I don’t know.

I asked if he knew what date it was. He laughed really loudly, said no, realized, stuttered apologies and then said it again.

It was the most perfect sound in the world and it was the best moment in recent history.

Or, the sickest practical joke.

Consensus not yet reached.

April 2/21

Dear Jane,

I asked if he remembered what happened yesterday morning.

He did not.

Sickest practical joke confirmed.

April 9/21

Dear Jane,

I’ve been avoiding writing because I’ve felt a whole lot of nothing. Everything is abysmal and James’ confession is all I can think about. Tony’s on my ass about slipping and he has half the mind to put me on paid leave until I get my shit together, both as the head of the department and as an agent.

Drunk words are sober thoughts, all that garbage.

I wish I could live my whole life drunk and honest. Maybe then I wouldn’t be in this situation where I’m stuck in eternal limbo with my best friend whom I’m in love with. Minus the drunk part.

Duty demands I return to this weathered journal until it’s finished so we’ll see. I might be back this month. Maybe not.

May 1/21

Dear Jane,

It rained a lot in April so now the flowers are blooming early. April showers bring May flowers. Guess it has some merit to it.

Limbo sucks. Its inescapable nature, its terrible facade of everything seeming fine when it really isn’t.

Of course, James still makes me smile, but nothing seems really okay when I let myself stop for a second.

I’m going out with Steve to a charity thing tomorrow. Should be a few hours worth of not thinking and free booze. Oh, and James and I made out in one of the quinjets after dinner today.

Felt weird considering we aren’t a couple, but it happened spontaneously as that is the nature of our relationship, it appears.

The cause also happens to be the cure of melancholy. Weird.

May 6/21

Dear Jane,

For context, it’s 5:23AM.

Went for a walk in Madison Square and then Central Park with James yesterday, although in my head it’s still today. We met up with Nat for some training at the gym. Got a bit mobbed by fans and the paps who asked if we were dating like we’re the tabloid’s biggest scoop.

We weren’t even holding hands, but I guess it’s just another reason why we shouldn’t be TOGETHER together in public.

We had another deep stuff talk again in bed after the usual business. I wanted to ask what this is between us and if he’s pursuing other options, because I’m not and I wanted to know if I should, but I also didn’t want to ruin the vibe.

He was in a good mood today, and seeing as sometimes he has nightmares, I thought it was best I don’t ruin it. He thinks I don’t notice but how do I not notice? He’s my best friend.

I kissed his cheek when he got up to leave and he kissed me goodbye on the lips.

I guess that means something.

May 17/21

Dear Jane,

In a moment of complete boredom, I listened to Imagine Dragons’ new album. It wasn’t too bad, to be honest, but Sharon thought it could’ve been better. Whatever.

May 22/21

Dear Jane,

Ran into ex-Girlfriend today. She still has that whole sunshine thing going on still. We had coffee and she asked if I got together with James yet.

I choked on my coffee and nearly died on the spot.

That’s how I learned that James apparently broke it off softly and ex-Girlfriend had, very wisely and knowingly, said that he should chase the apple of his eye before I (the apple) rotted alone and forgotten at the trunk of the tree. Or, as any sane person would say (and ex-Girlfriend DID say), get picked from the tree by another hand.

She said it was quite obvious that I was in love with James even months ago. She also thanked me for being so nice, anyway, and that it must’ve been difficult. What a fucking SAINT.

I set her up with a date with Steve because they have the same energy, honestly, and that’s going down on the 26th barring any emergencies.

Call me Cupid, but I think I just constructed the perfect match made in heaven.

Mentioned this meeting to James minus the apple detail. He asked if she was doing okay, which she was, and seemed glad for that. Between kisses and his sneaking hand beneath the covers, he also asked if there was anything else. Not really much to say on that front.

June 3/21

Dear Jane,

It’s starting to dry up consistently, now. It’s getting warmer, too. Sam brought me flowers and told me to at least turn the air-con on if I was gonna be stuck in the lab all day. Oh, the simplicities of summer are hopefully returning. Got out early and hung out with Morgan at the park in the evening.

It’s nice to hang out with someone so blissfully unaware with the stupidity of love. All Morgan cares about is grass and buttercups she grabs from the ground. She doesn’t have to worry about how to tell the guy she’s in love with that she loves him.

Oh, didn’t you hear? Nat said I should just buck the fuck up and tell him.

And Nat is scary when not listened to.

Much to brainstorm about.

June 14/21

Dear Jane,

Just here to brainstorm some ideas for future Stark Industries projects and thought I’d preface it with a small diary entry. Nothing really happened. Work’s catching up for some reason and bad guys are acting up. I’ve pulled a few all nighters, not gonna lie.

Really tired, but in a good, productive way. Haven’t thought much on the James front. Gonna have to focus on that after everything calms down.

June 20/21

Dear Jane,

It’s officially summer and yet today was awful with only subtle hints of being okay.

So much for simplicity.

In the evening, I read on the hammock on the balcony. No one really bothered me except James, but he’s never a bother.

Steve and ex-Girlfriend (who will now be reidentified as Girlfriend) are pretty cute, and she meshes well with the group. There’s nothing really awkward between her, James, or me, so I guess two people’s summers are going well. Bully for them.

Didn’t really eat. Was too busy working. James got me dinner. Didn’t feel right and just kept working. This whole agreement between us has been very flexible but we really need to fit in a session soon.

I’ll make it work somehow.

June 22/21

Dear Jane,

I got my wish and didn’t at the same time. We spent the whole day in the sheets (very blissfully relaxing) and I, stupidly and with very little sleep, let it slip.

In less elegant terms, I told him I loved him. It felt very real and genuine and very-out-of-a-movie, but his reaction was less so.

What did I say? Allergic to intimacy.

He tried to play it off as best friends and even that was uncomfortable, but I, very seriously and very foolishly, corrected him that “no, James Buchanan Barnes, I am IN LOVE with you.”

He left a few minutes ago, saying something about heading down to the gym, but I know he’s just trying to avoid me.

God, how am I so stupid?

June 25/21

Dear Jane,

I haven’t seen James in a few days. I thought he was avoiding me but turns out he’s out of the country. Something about protection for whatever dignitary is travelling at the end of the month. I don’t know.

I wasn’t assigned to that op so the details weren’t shared liberally. Sam just said it’d be a while during the ambassador’s entire stay. High threat level which is why the Avengers were contracted.

I just hope he stays safe. I know he probably took off to take his mind off things, but I don’t know how he’s focusing when all I can think of is those three little words.

I love you.

Seems so fake the more I hear it in my head, but his reaction was so real that I think I might’ve just irreversibly messed things up.

July 12/21

Dear Jane,

It’s been a hectic couple of weeks. If future me finds this with blotted words, it’s because I am indeed crying while writing this.

James was medically evac’ed last night and transferred back to New York. Helen Cho was flown in from her medical conference in Minnesota where she was showcasing the newest version of the Cradle.

There was an assasination attempt and James is fucked up bad.

Holy shit, I’m so scared. I’ve never been so scared in my life. It’s like an invisible demon has my heart in his claw-like hands and he’s squeezing with all his might. I think my heart might explode.

I just want to hold his hand but he’s so high risk no one’s allowed to see him right now.

The waiting room is too quiet. Steve’s holding on to Girlfriend’s hand so hard I think her bones are broken but she’s taking it like a champ. Nat’s pacing, slowly patting a sleeping Morgan who she’s carrying. Sam and Tony are talking about stuff.

It’s too quiet.

I’m so scared.

July 13/21

They got him into the Cradle. Thank God. I think I might cry some more out of relief, but he was conscious for a few minutes earlier and he’s stable now.

It’s really late at night but they extended privileges to me to stay with him so I’m just sitting here, writing. Listening to the Cradle do its thing and the monitors do theirs.

When he was conscious, I was with him. He said some stuff under his breath but the one thing I could make out was “I’m an idiot.”

Granted, he’s right. It was supposed to be Steve or Tony on that mission. You know, people with more defense op experience, but he had to go out and volunteer himself.

I feel sort of guilty.

It’s partially my fault, isn’t it?

I think I’ll try to tuck in for tonight. I wanna be awake when he wakes up, too.

July 14/21

Dear Jane,

James woke up today. He’s still in the Cradle (lots of internal damage spread throughout the body) but he’s conscious. He saw me and immediately tried to sit up which was sweet, but when he couldn’t, he just told me to come closer and then told me that he loved me.

I called him an idiot for running away. I told him he really scared me. I told him that I loved him so fucking much. I told him that I feel so guilty and he just held my face and said that it will never be my fault.

He’s so fucking romantic, even when he’s lying down with a wound being stitched closed live in front of my eyes.

Oh, and he kissed me. I don’t think I noticed how much I actually missed him until that moment.

I don’t know how to describe the feeling in my chest. It’s a mixture between super happy and super scared and super, super warm inside. Summer might be looking up.

July 18/21

Dear Jane,

We got home today. James is staying in my room. The team doesn’t say anything about it. We’re best friends, after all, but I think they’ve known for a long time that there’s something more. Some of them are just too polite to say so.

I won’t have much time to write over the next couple of days. James has to be kept on a strict, extremely healthy diet and medicine regime.

I don’t care. I’m just glad he’s home.

He’s kissing me a lot more, now. Alpine likes the fact that his two humans are now in the same room. He purrs so loudly, I can hear him from where he’s dozing, curled up underneath James’ chin. He (James) is resting after his second round of antibiotics for the day while I work from my room, and sometimes I catch myself looking back just to make sure he’s okay.

I’m going to go kiss him now.

Be right back.

July 21/21

Dear Jane,

It’s almost Nat’s birthday (the 26th). Super exciting. James is back on solids and I’m helping him around with walking. Even with the Cradle and the healing factor, he’s still super banged up, so it’s better safe than sorry.

We had a really long talk about love and stuff. It’s good to finally have it out in the open. It was mostly me talking about my side of things and he just nodded a lot. I know he was listening though.

We also kissed a lot, like seventeen year old couples who are heavy on the PDA, but within the privacy of my room. I dunno. I like the heat of his arms and the way he kisses the shell of my ear when he’s bored or it’s a commercial break.

It feels very natural.

I am very much in love with him.

I tell him that and he always looks skeptical, but whatever. He doesn’t have to say it back (I tell him that there’s no pressure) and he’ll get it through his thick skull eventually that he’s now stuck with me.

July 25/21

Dear Jane,

We made cookies in the early AM as tradition for the party tomorrow and I told him that I love him (again, but this time he didn’t run, nor has he the past few times. Fantastic).

While the cookies were baking, he explained everything on his side of the story: how he was scared to be vulnerable, how opening up to me is just different and new and scary and I get it. I really do. I know how it feels to think you don’t deserve good things and sabotage feels like the only way to save everyone from hurt.

He smiled a lot more after that. I guess he’s just glad I get it.

One day, I’ll successfully convince James that he deserves everything good this world has to offer.

Until then, I’ll just keep trying.

P.S. He said, with less hesitation than the first time, that he loves me, too. Best. Day. Ever.

P.P.S. The cookies are so good and I want to devour them all. I could barely stop James from eating all of them. Again: Best. Day. Ever.

July 26/21

Dear Jane,

In summary of today:

Happy birthday, Natasha.

James has been given the clear bill of health which is exciting. Also, I asked him about the Jane and gift of God thing.

He knew. “Intuition” and all that. He also said I looked “like a royal dame” in my swimsuit. Smug idiot just trying to be charming.

I love him and that’s the only reason it works.

Back to the festivities.

July 27/21

Dear Jane,

Good morning to you and to James who’s still in my bed at a ripe 6:23AM, fast asleep.

Progress. Now, back to sleep.

July 27/21

Dear Jane,

It’s now 9:49AM and James greeted me with orange juice and waffles. He said I was cute when I slept. Creep.

He also said he tried so many times to stay in my bed after, before we were like we are now, but he never could, and now he’s upset that he missed out on my cute sleeping/waking up for the day face every time he did so.

He is exceptionally cute when he’s pouting.

I think we’re officially boyfriend-girlfriend, but we’ll work out the semantics on that later. For now, it’s another summer day together. He suggested Chinese takeout for dinner because I have to go dip back into the lab later today to check on some samples.

I agreed and he kissed me in promise like it was our “thing.” I can’t stop smiling like an idiot.

Massive progress.

July 28/21

Dear Jane,

He told me I was the only one for him.

Also, he kissed me in front of our friends for the first time. Natasha yelled “FINALLY” and pushed us into the pool. Sam laughed and then I grabbed him and threw him into the pool. Ensuing: a water fight for the ages.

For a day: 10/10

July 31/21

Hey Jane,

I think I’m happy.

I’m sorry I ever doubted the effects of writing down my feelings.

James has a romantic trip to uptown planned for our first date and he said it’ll take the whole day so I thought I’d get this entry in the morning. I dunno. It’s really early and the happy thought was the first thing that came to my head.

Weird, but it’s a good weird.

See you in a bit.

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miracleonice87 · 3 years

Text

I’ll Take Care of You, part two

a Tyler Seguin fic

a/n: this one’s from Peyton’s perspective. back in the fall when I first started writing fics again, I wrote part one in first person, which I don’t really do anymore, but I’m keeping that consistent for this one. read part one here first if you haven’t already.

tw: fainting, mention of miscarriage/loss of pregnancy/infertility/periods

“Unfortunately, it’s not uncommon for this to occur with first pregnancies. It happens more often than you might think. It certainly doesn’t mean you won’t ever be able to have a baby. My rule of thumb is to let couples try to get pregnant again naturally for one year without any intervention. Then, if you’re still having difficulties, you can come back in and we can talk about other options.”

It had been eleven months since my doctor had spoken those words to Tyler and me following the miscarriage that had nearly broken us both.

Those eleven months had seen us try again and again each month with no success. I tracked my body temperature and ovulation cycle each and every day before even leaving bed. I’d completely removed alcohol and caffeine from my diet and monitored everything I put into my body, controlling every single factor I could possibly control.

And yet, on the thirteenth day — the unluckiest of days for multiple reasons — of each month, like clockwork, my period arrived. If Tyler was at home when it happened, I simply left the bathroom with a sorrowful shake of my head, curling into his waiting arms as he comforted me silently, holding me close, disappointment weighing heavily on us both. If he was on the road, I texted him only a “🔴” symbol, indicating that my monthly visitor had shown up unwelcome yet again. He replied each time with an, ”I’m sorry, sweetheart,” though he had nothing at all to apologize for.

My patience and determination, along with Tyler’s, were wearing thin. It was feeling more and more impossible to keep the faith — more and more unlikely that this would happen on its own.

I had all but given up hope.

But then...

The eleventh month arrived, and the thirteenth day of it came and went with no sign of my cycle. And then the fourteenth day. And then the fifteenth.

And with that, the smallest sliver of hope glimmered from out of the darkness in the depths of my heart.

But I wouldn’t allow myself to get too excited. With Tyler on a road trip to the East Coast, I barely slept those three nights, tossing and turning and wondering if I should take one of the numerous tests stuffed in the bathroom cabinet.

On the sixteenth, after Tyler had already left for morning skate, I decided it was time. Though I knew I couldn’t do it alone, I also couldn’t stomach the thought of waiting for Ty to return — let alone the thought of seeing his disappointment in the event of yet another negative test.

Thankfully, though, the sixteenth was a Friday — the day that Fanny, Klinger’s fiancée, and I had long ago set aside for morning yoga in my home gym. Fanny, now six months pregnant herself with her and John’s first baby, would arrive at 10 a.m., and I decided that that was as good a time as any to find out what was next for Ty and me — we would either finally start the family we’d always wanted, or it would be time for a different approach.

After greeting one another and stretching over small talk, Fanny carefully broached the topic that I had brought to her, heartbroken, so many times in the past year.

“So how have you been feeling?” she inquired gently from the mat next to mine, bending to the side for a new pose. “Are you on your cycle?”

From where I stood with my arms extended straight out, my face turned away from hers, I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth and pondered what to say next.

“Well,” I began before clearing my throat, “That’s, um... I actually wanted to talk to you about that.”

You pivoted to face Fanny, her pretty eyes now wide as saucers. Slowly, she stood up straight.

“Stop it,” Fanny whispered incredulously, joy etched in her expression.

I shrugged a bit. “I’m late,” I admitted softly. “But only by three days. And I haven’t taken a test-“

“Peyton!” Fanny warned through her giggles, hands finding her hips. “You have to!”

I smiled, appreciating my dear friend’s excitement for me while still feeling the familiar tightness of anxiety in my gut.

“I will,” I promised. “I seriously told myself I was gonna wait to do it while you were here. I couldn’t do it alone and I... if I’m not... well, I just can’t bear to see Ty’s reaction again…”

Fanny nodded solemnly. “Oh, sweetie. I understand,” she assured. “Maybe after we finish up? Or not. I mean, we can do it whenever you feel ready.”

I nodded, suddenly feeling overheated and attributing it to my frayed nerves.

“God, is it hot in here?” I asked, unzipping my lightweight jacket and throwing it aside, still fanning myself though I now wore only a sports bra and athletic shorts.

Fanny frowned, looking at my reflection in the mirrored wall in front of us. “No, I feel fine,” she said.

I tied my ponytail into a high bun to get the hair off my neck, noting a faint ringing in my ears as I placed my feet in position on the mat once more.

As I reached down for my toes, the ringing grew louder, and I suddenly saw stars in my vision.

With trembling hands, I wiped the sweat from my now-dripping brow and stood straight up, but apparently too quickly, as the room around me quickly fell from focus, darkness taking its place.

“Fan... I-I don’t feel good...”

Alarmed at the weakness of my voice, Fanny turned to face me and gasped.

“Babe, oh my god!” she exclaimed — the last thing I heard before everything faded to black.

_____

The next thing I heard as I came to was my husband’s voice, which sounded distant and faint. I moaned, squinting at the bright fluorescent lights above me as I realized that I was lying on my back on the floor, with Tyler’s face inches above mine. I opened my eyes slowly and heard him draw a deep breath, announcing, “She’s awake.”

I felt him cup my cheek tenderly as I offered a weak smile.

“Hi,” he breathed, relief heavy in his tone. “Hi, sweet girl. You scared us pretty good.”

“What happened?” I asked, confused by the hoarseness of my own voice. I moved to prop myself up on my elbows, but Tyler gently pushed my shoulders flat once more.

“Shh, shh, hey, don’t get up,” he instructed. “You passed out while you and Fanny were working out. Do you remember that?”

With a furrowed brow, I nodded. I saw Fanny standing behind Tyler, covering her lips with her fingers as she stared at me nervously.

“Oh god, Fan, I’m so sorry,” I murmured, still feeling weak and shaky.

Fanny shook her head and took a couple of steps forward, standing over Tyler’s shoulder. “Babe, no, don’t apologize,” she insisted. “I was just worried about you. Tyler came in the door just a minute after it happened but I had already called 911. I just didn’t know what else to do. I’m sorry.”

I nodded, my eyes fluttering closed once more. “That’s okay,” I said softly.

Just then, there was a knock at the door upstairs, and Fanny hurried up the steps to answer it. I rolled my head to look at Tyler, who stared down at me with deep concern.

“You’re gonna be okay, baby,” he promised, pushing some hair from my still-damp forehead. “We’re gonna get you checked out and see what’s going on, okay?”

I nodded as I heard footsteps coming back down the stairs, and two paramedics followed Fanny to where I lay, still on my yoga mat.

“Hey there,” one of them smiled. “I’m Maria, and this is my partner, Chris. You’re Peyton?”

I nodded as Maria knelt beside me, opposite Tyler, with Chris placing a medic kit on the floor next to him.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you, Peyton,” Maria said kindly. “How are you feeling right now?”

I cleared my throat, attempting to blink the fog away.

“Not as bad as I did a few minutes ago,” I half-joked. “But I still feel shaky, and hot.”

Maria nodded, pressing the stethoscope to my chest.

“Can you tell me what you’ve had to eat and drink today?” she asked.

“Um... I had two cups of coffee, a yogurt... and some water during yoga,” I replied.

“Okay,” Maria said as Chris took my pulse, with Tyler holding tight to my other hand and watching their every move. “Any history of fainting before this?”

I shook my head. “No, never,” I said.

“Any blood sugar issues? Diabetes, hypoglycemia?”

“No, nothing.”

“Are you currently on your period?”

My cheeks warmed. This certainly wasn’t the way I had planned to tell Tyler of our latest development.

“Um, n-no,” I admitted sheepishly, glancing at him. I could see the wheels beginning to turn in his mind even as he watched the paramedics instead of me.

“Any chance you could be pregnant?” Maria asked gently as she folded her stethoscope into her bag and reached for a blood pressure cuff.

Shit.

“Uh… actually, yeah.”

Immediately, Tyler’s head snapped toward me.

“Wait, what? Really?” he inquired, joy exuding from his whole being.

I simply shrugged, beaming. “I’m late.”

A small, knowing smile crossed Maria’s face. She wrapped the cuff around my arm and began to squeeze the pump.

“Okay, well, that could be the reason,” Maria noted. “Sometimes when you’re early in a pregnancy, your body might not be getting all the extra rest and nutrients and hydration it needs. It happens sometimes, and often, it’s no big deal.”

I nodded, reaching for Tyler’s hand.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” I said with a scrunched nose. “I just didn’t want to get my hopes up, let alone yours.”

Tyler brought my hand to his lips and kissed my knuckles.

“It’s okay,” he told me with a shake of his head. “I get it.”

I smiled gratefully, and Maria removed the cuff from my arm.

“Your blood pressure is a little low, which doesn’t surprise me,” she said. “Again, this can happen. Just to be safe, I wanna take you to the hospital for an EKG and monitor you for a bit, and we’ll do a pregnancy test there too, okay?”

I nodded, looking to Tyler for reassurance.

“It’s okay,” he said, knowing exactly what I needed to hear. “I’ll be right there with you.”

_____

One ambulance ride later, with Tyler beside me and Fanny following behind in my car, I had arrived at the emergency department and was being poked and prodded and hooked up to a plethora of monitors. A cardiologist soon confirmed that everything was fine with my heart, and my pregnancy test was then the only result that hung in the balance.

I sat propped up on pillows in the hospital bed, Tyler standing at my side as we waited in silence.

Out of nowhere, tears formed in my eyes, and I tried to swipe at them without Tyler noticing — a futile attempt. When he heard my faint whimper, he stepped closer and gathered me into his arms, kissing the top of my head.

“Hey, hey,” he spoke softly. “What is it, baby?”

“I’m scared, Ty,” I whispered, head buried in his chest. “Whether it’s positive or negative. I’m just scared.”

“I know, babe,” he replied, slowly caressing my back. “It’s okay to be scared. I’m scared, too. You’ve been through hell.”

“We’ve been through hell,” I corrected, sniffling as I looked up at him. Tyler nodded and smoothed his thumb along my jaw.

“We just have to believe that everything is gonna work out this time,” he told me as he kissed my forehead. “Good things are coming, Peyt. I can feel it.”

After several more minutes, my nurse, a sweet woman named Beth who spoke with a thick Texas accent, entered the room holding my chart. I could actually hear my own heartbeat in my ears, this time not because I felt faint, but because I was overwhelmed with anticipation.

“Well, Miss Peyton…” Beth began with a smile. “Congratulations. You’re gonna be a mama.”

I let out a sob and covered my mouth with my hand immediately, and Tyler choked out a breathless laugh. His hands grasped my face as he kissed me firmly.

“You hear that? We’re having a baby,” he whispered, eyes glossy with tears. “God, I love you so much.”

I giggled excitedly. “I love you, too, baby daddy,” I replied, causing Tyler to chuckle, too.

As Beth looked on with a grin, she wrote a few things down on my chart, then said, “Congratulations, you two. I’ll give you some privacy. Peyton, honey, we’ll be back around to check on you in about half an hour, okay?”

I nodded, tears streaking my face. “Yes, yes, thank you,” I spoke. “Thank you so much.”

With a kind nod, she left the room, pulling the sliding glass door closed behind her.

Before the door was even shut, Tyler’s lips found mine once more, his fingers holding my cheeks reverently. Eventually, I pulled away for a breath.

“You were right,” I told him, nudging his nose with mine.

Still completely giddy, he asked with a smile, “What was I right about?”

I reached a hand up to work my fingers through his curls. “You told me good things are coming,” I reminded, voice quivering. “You were right.”

Tyler was overcome with emotion once again and wrapped his arms around my shoulders. For the longest time, we stayed that way, embracing with only the sounds of soft, happy cries filling the room.

_____

eight months later...

“Are you the most handsome little man in the whole wide world? Hmm? I think so,” Tyler spoke to the tiny baby he held in his arms. “I think you’re just the most beautiful boy I’ve ever seen.”

I smiled from my hospital bed, feeling more exhausted and more in love than I ever knew I was capable of.

“And it’s a good thing you look like your mommy,” Tyler added, smirking at me before kissing the baby’s forehead — our baby’s forehead. “Uncle Jamie is gonna say that too. Yes, he is. I might as well beat him to it, huh?”

I chuckled, patting the mattress beneath me and gesturing for Tyler to join me.

“Bring him back over here,” I pleaded. “I miss him already.”

Tyler hummed knowingly and rose from his chair, carefully cradling the baby in his arms.

“I know,” he said. “I miss him, too, and I’m literally holding him. How is that possible?”

I smiled. “Because having kids means your heart walks around outside of your body,” I spoke, kissing our boy’s chubby cheek as Tyler took his place on my bed. “That’s what my grandmother used to say.”

He nodded. “You’re damn right,” he said, shaking his head. “I feel it already. I never knew it was possible to feel this way, Peyt. As bad as we wanted a baby, as much as it hurt when we lost the first one...” Tyler choked up as he spoke of the loss we’d experienced now almost two years ago. After a pause, he continued. “I still just never thought it would feel this incredible.”

I curled my hands around his arm and kissed his bicep. “Me either,” I admitted airily. “I’ll never forget the pain we felt then. And that baby will always be our first. But this... this is the best day of my life.”

Tyler beamed, wrapping one arm around my waist while cradling the baby to his chest with his other.

“So, are we decided on this little man’s name?” Tyler asked as I touched the baby’s pouted lips, making us both giggled at his expression.

“I think so,” I confirmed, leaning my head against his shoulder. “Are you still thinking what I’m thinking?”

Tyler looked down at me with hooded eyes, full of adoration, and nodded. “If you’re sure,” he spoke.

I’d been sure for a few months now, since the first day that I allowed myself to browse a baby name book, still riddled with fear of the unknown, while also waiting expectantly and with hope for our new journey ahead. I didn’t get far, only to the B’s, when I found the perfect name... one that meant blessed.

As I peered down at the boy in my arms, no name seemed more fitting than that one I’d whispered into being long ago.

“I’m sure,” I replied confidently. I cradled the baby’s head in my hand and pressed my lips to his forehead. “Welcome to our world, Bennett Tyler Seguin,” I whispered, overjoyed and humbled to finally have the privilege of having a son to name not only for his daddy, but also for the precious, long-awaited gift he was to us.

“Our boy,” Tyler whispered reverently.

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queenofwerewolves · 3 years

Text

Future Hope - chapter 1.5 - Practice Makes Perfect

Our heroes didnt get their powers and knew from night to day how to manage them, especially those who had physical changes to their body. Our soon-to-be heroes were all reunited in Maria's house, they had planed to spend the afternoon practing and exploring their new limits and abilities, all helping eitch other.

They decided since Griff had the biggest change, they would focus on him first. At the moment they were out in backyard, eitch one giving suggestions on what to begin first.

"Pick us all up at once with your new muscles!" Said Muffin excitedly. "That's still too light! Pick us all up plus Maria's car" Said Spike, chewing once again on a bubblegum.

"You all leave Hellride out of this!" Maria responded angrily. "That car was expensive as fuck and I refuse to go back to a life of Ubers!" She crossed her arms, indignified.

"You named your car?" Kip answered from high up a tree branch, as cats do. "I name all my belongings, what of it?" Maria answered. "And they're all cool names, too".

"Hellride? Really?" Spiked scoffed. "Because she rides fast as Hell! Look can we get back on track and find something for Griff to test his strenght?!" Maria answered nervously with a touch of embarrassment.

"Unless we find an Indiana Jones boulder for him to spin on his finger like a damn basketball we arent gonna get any damn progress!" Spike shouted back.

Maria sighed and shook her head. "I hate it when you have a point.." Griff nervously scratched the back of his head. "There must be something we can do.." He quietly mumbled out.

"I got it!" Muffin shouted, they all turned to face her. "I forgot Im a fairy! I can just poof something up!" She said excitedly. Everyone stared at her with either a confused or shocked look.

"..How... Do you FORGET that you're a fairy?!" Spike blurted out nervously. "You have fucking wings! How does one forget they have huge pink glittery wings?!"

Muffin just shrugged.

Maria smiled wide. "OK Muffin, give us something huge and heavy for Griff to use!" Muffin nodded and grabbed her wand which had a muffin on the tip. "Wand cook, beat and bake! Give us a big large and tasty cupcake!" She waved her wand and out appeared from a bunch of pink glittery smoke, a nearly two-story house tall chocolate cupcake.

"... Why a cupcake..?" Blink asked as she peeked behind her mask, in slight awe and wanting to secretly a bite out of it. "I can only make sweets!" Muffin said with a shy tone. "Im not a fighter like you guys, I only want to make people happy and eat candy!"

"That is certainly the biggest pastry I've ever seen! So large and beautiful, I bet tasty as well!" "Not to mention DIABETIC AS HELL!!! We could die from a heart attack eating that! Or worse, we could get fat! Even fatter! And become even uglier then we already are! This is too overwealming I need a nap!"

Rooko and Rooki suddenly spoke, almost taking everyone off guard on how their friend Rook is suddenly two split personalities now based on the Youtube character ENA, one is always happy while the other is always sad, and depending on the situation they can go Manic or Miserable.

"OK Griff, show us what you can do!" Maria shouted excitedly. Without missing a second, Griff bent over and gripped the edge of the massive cupcake, after struggling a bit he slowly but surely, lifted the entire thing over his head, smiling proudly.

His friends cheered and applauded proudly. Feeling satisfied, he dropped the cupcake and dusted the chocolate crumbs off his hands and fur. "Yokusei!" He shouted, and with a naruto-like smoke poof, he turned back to his human self. Maria ran and hugged him tightly, which Griff embraced and hugged back with a slight twirl.

"Griff you were amazing!!" Maria said with a proud tone, Griff slightly blushed pink at the small punk girl and her excitement. "Oh shucks, it was nothing.." He said with a shy tone.

"Well, and seems we concluded Griffin's training." Togekiss said as they took a sip of tea. "He jump twice as high as a two-story house, his punches and kicks can knock down brick walls and possibly more if we werent limited on objects to test it with, he can hear twice as much then a dog could with his ears, and his sense of smell is impecable. Truly Griff is a strong asset to our team."

"I can only train my powers at night.." Said Spooks, holding an umbrella to protect her from the sun, now that it injures her. "Muffin's power is only sweet making. Togekiss has exceptional I.Q and can see simulations in the future like Garnet in Steven Universe, along with their strong telekenisis, and Kip simply draws whatever she desires, whether alive or not and it becomes a reality... That means it's Rook's turn to show us what she can do" She finished.

"Wonderful! It's our time to shine!" "I-I-I not ready! Everyone's gonna laugh at us! I-I might piss myself in fear!" "Oh pull yourself together dear! Our friends wont laugh at us!" "How do we know that?! They're just waiting to correct us on a dumb mistake!!!"

Rook's body shook and twitched as her eyes turned to static, suddenly her entire eyes turned black with a blue iris, she turned Miserable.

"They're gonna laugh and point at our foolish selves, we're gonna be so embarrassed that we'll wish that the Earth will swallow us whole and just fucking kill us now!! Go ahead! Laugh at us and our misfortune!!!"

"ooh shit" Maria said. "can someone calm her down?"

Rook's eyes change to regular as her Miserable side went away. "No need my good Queen! We are completly fine! Now prepare to be dazzled as we show you all what we can do!" q

Rook pulled out a harry potter-like wooden wand, waved it around. "Bloom and Blossom and protect who I love! Rise my pretties, rise high and above!" Rooki shot an orange light at the grass, which made dozens of flowers bloom and grow around Spike and Blink.

"This is only one of my tricks! It's a shield that protects them from almost anything! My main weakness is fire, because while plants are beautiful, they are also sadly very, very flammable"

"Cool." Said Spike before using his bat to aggressivly hit the flowers and the vines aside so he and Blink could leave.

"M-M-My turn I guess!" Rook took hold of the wand and waved it in circles. "Razzle Dazzle Shine and Show, make their body move it low!" Rooko shot a blue light at Spooks, which made unwillingly and uncontrolably start dancing and as the spell said, make her go low.

"O-OH GOD SOMEONE MAKE IT STOP I DONT LIKE HOW MY BUTT IS MOVING THIS MUCH!!" She shouted in desperation as she made a split and moved it even lower.

"M-My deal is with music! I-It works as a way of distraction o-or hypnosis and it lasts for 30 minutes un-le-less I say otherwise! I-I know it's a sucky power!"

"OK COOL CAN I STOP DANCING PLEASE IM GETTING A CRAMP!!!" Yelled Spooks, practically begging. Rooko flicked her wand and Spooks fell on the ground, panting. "OH MY POOR HAMSTRINGS THEY ACHE!!" She yelled in utter pain, meanwhile Maria and Spike were absolutely losing it.

"O-OH GOD MY STOMACH HURTS-" Said Spike in between laughter.

"OK you guys cool it" Said Blink. "It's our turn to practice now. We're the only ones who use regular weapons." She said drawing her sword and positioning her mask back in place.

"O-OK! OK!" Maria said getting up, she pulled out a small staff and whipped it, making it stretch out wide into a full, large red and black scythe, with a rose print on the blade. Spike spun his bat and spat his gum out.

"So. Who's ass Im kicking first?" Said Spike. "Wait on second thought this might be unfair." Said Blink. "Me and Maria had blades while Spike has a bat, maybe we should-"

Before she could finish, Spike swung his bat and hit Blink sword, knocking it out of her hand before kicking her back at the ground. Blink fell back hard before she could even process what happen, dumbfounded but angry, she snarled. "Oh it's on now Motherfucker." She extended her hand and the sword flew back to her hand, as she charged towards Spike, who moved out of the way as soon as Blink swung her sword, which if he hadnt been for Maria's scythe, would have sliced her right up.

"Dude! Chill! This is a pratice!" Maria spoke as both of their blades were against eitch other. Blink hopped and flipped over her and landed on a tree branch, croutching like a ninja. She put her hands together and in a small puff of smoke and disappeared. Spike and Maria were back to back, ready to counterattack Blink, what they didnt expect was for her to attack from underground.

Buring up from the dirt, she got both of them off their feet and charged after Spike, who barely managed to regain his balance before his using bat his block Blink's sword. A back and forth of clash-clings-and-clangs between metal begun, one attacking the other but eitch blocking every attack again and again.

Spike ducked a sword slash and roundhouse kick Blink's leg, which was effective since she's practically a ninja. She backflipped back on her feet and kept attacking swiftly. But a sudden scythe blade cut in between them, stopping the fight.

"That's enough!!!" Maria shouted. "You both are gonna end up hurting yourselves or eitch other! im ending it now!!"

"Oh what the hell dude?!" Blink shouted indignified. "I was about to beat him!!" "Oh please." Answered Spike. "Was that the best you could do? Sakura could do a better job kicking my ass" He scoffed. They began to argue loudly, genuinely angry at eitch other.

"THAT"S ENOUGH!!!!" Maria shouted, making them, and everyone else look at her.

"It doesnt matter would win that fight! This was a practice and not a competition!! The point of us being a team and getting powers in the first place was for all of us to make the world a better place, but the only way that can happen is if all of us work together!! As a team!!!"

They stood in silence, listening to her talk and set them straight.

"As cheesy as that sounds, it's true!! We shouldnt fight eitch other like this, you're not just my friends, we're all friends with eitch other! We all go along well and we know that, that's why I got you all together, because no one can bond better in a team then all of us together!!!"

"... She's right." Togekiss added, walking towards them. "We all started as simple individuals with free time on a website, but we all shared common interests, we grew closer.. And suddenly like that, we all became friends.. A family, if you will."

"We take care of eitch other and look out for one another." Said Spooks.

"Just like how you all did for me.. When I almost died. Almost died because of the shit and violent world we live in." Maria said.. With a slight crack in her voice.

"You're bringing in the same violence that almost killed me.. So please.. Please stop fighting.. We're all in this together.. Right..?"

Spike and Blink dropped their weapons and hugged Maria, and everyone else joined in as well.

"You're right, we're sorry Queen." Said Spike. "We got overwhealmed and we didnt mean it. We wont fight again, because you're right." Added Blink.

"We only have eitch other in this world, and if we want to change it we have to stick together, just like you said." Spike said one more time.

"And we wont let you down.. We promise.." Griff finished, with everyone agreeing with what he said.

And so they stayed for a moment, embraced within eitch other in a group hug. A family isnt perfect, there will be disagreements, but a good bond will always overcome those disagreements, and that's what they had, a good bond.

A bond that's practically unbreakable and untaintable. A bond that will soon be ready, and fight together to make the world a better place.

A bond that will the world's Future Hope..

#Queen's Story #consider this a side chapter #it's small but significant for the characters

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cringeytwilightsideblog · 4 years

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the cullens throw their long-suffering father the first birthday party he’s had in 300 years (also Jasper’s inner cowboy comes out STRONG)

Hey, thought Emmett as he peered around Edward’s doorframe. Whatcha doing?

“I am organizing my CD collection.” he said. “Why, may I ask, has half of my Mozart been replaced with ABBA?”

“Because ABBA is better than Mozart. Anyway, I need to talk to you.”

“Ok…” Edward said. “Well?”

“In private.”

“I can read minds, idiot.”

“Yeah, but I can’t. Come with me.”

Edward sighed and grabbed his khaki raincoat, his khaki rain boots, and his khaki hat and headed outside with Emmett into the forest. As they were running through the trees, Alice jumped down from one directly in front of Edward, who crashed into her so hard her arm came off.

Alice stuck the arm back on and said brightly, “So! What are we doing?”

“We’re going to have a birthday party for Carlisle!” Emmett announced.

“ Nobody knows his birthday.”

“Bella googled some old census records.”

“Hi!” said Bella, walking out of the woods dragging a deer behind her. “Do you guys mind if I eat lunch?”

“Remember to say grace, dearest one.” Edward reminded her. “The good lord smiles upon those who pray.”

‘Hold on.” Alice said. “You mean all these years Carlisle just could’ve googled his birthday and instead he has to be all dramatic and mysterious about it?”

“I guess it runs in the family,” Emmett said, looking at Edward in his all-khaki getup, reading from the Bible over Bella’s dead deer.

“What?” asked Edward. “My soul is in danger. I need God to reel it back in.”

“Your soul is a fish?” Bella wondered.

“No, love of my life. My soul is a void.”

“...Nice.” Bella took her hydroflask out of her backpack and started filling it with deer blood for later.

“So!” said Alice, trying to get everyone back on track. “Where’s Jasper and Rosalie?”

“Rosalie’s working on her car and Jasper wanted to make the party cowboy themed so he’s at the store picking out hats.”

“Great!” Alice said brightly. “The other outcome I saw was Emmett making it an 80s disco- nevermind.”

“Can we make the party God themed?” Edward wondered. His siblings shook their heads. Bella slurped her deer blood with her metal straw. “You need to get a life, Wardo.”

“I am dead on the outside as well as the inside, my beloved Bella,” he said, sighing. “Therefore I cannot ‘get a life,’ unless that is your way to tell me to kill someone.”

“No. That’s not what I- Oh no! I spilled blood on my khaki skirt!”

If Edward had still had blood circulating his body and therefore had the opportunity to faint, he would’ve passed out then and there. “Bella! No! I-it’s a tragedy!”

“Shut up Edward.” Alice told him. “She still has all the khaki skirts that you gave her for her birthday. And Christmas. And Halloween. And like every holiday on the calendar.”

She paused as she saw something. Edward frowned.

“Jasper’s coming back!”

A few seconds later Jasper came crashing through the forest with several Walmart bags full of cowboy hats. He plopped one on Emmett’s head and threw the bags at Alice, who somehow managed to catch them all.

“I’ve been runnin’ all over hell’s half acre roundin’ these bad boys up!” he proclaimed.

“Gimme one of those,” Bella said, snatched a few out of the Walmart bag, and properly cowboyed up herself and her husband.

“I SAY YEE, YOU SAY HAW!” Jasper yelled so loudly that a couple blue jays flew out of the fir tree they were vibing in. “YEE!”

“HAW!” screamed Bella, Emmett, and Alice.

Why did they respond to that and not the time I tried to pump them up before church with ‘I say Jesus, you say Christ’? Edward wondered. It was truly a mystery.

“Alright cowboys and cowgirls.” Jasper said, his southern accent coming out strong. “We’re throwin’ the rowdiest, most rootin and tootin party y’all have ever seen! Alice!”

“Yes!”

“You are in charge of the decorations! Emmett, you help me construct a rodeo in the woods! This, coincidentally, happens not to be my first rodeo! Edward, you’re in charge of the music! None of that gosh diddly darned Mozart, ya hear me? I’m talkin’ country music. You might wanna run down yonder to Tennessee and-”

“I will NOT!” Edward cried. “How DARE you insult Mozart like this! I am leaving!” He yanked the cowboy hat off his head and threw it on the ground.

“Don’t let the screen door hit ya where the good lord split ya!” Jasper called after his retreating figure. “Bless his rotten, Yankee heart. Alright. Bella, you’re now in charge of the music as well as your original job, which is arguably the most important one. You need to figure out how to make sweet tea that we can drink.”

“That’s easy!” she said. “Take the blood of a diabetic mountain lion!”

“Alright! Now we’re getting somewhere! Emmett, what is it?”

Emmett had raised his hand. “So you know how Carlisle spent like a week in a potato cellar?”

“Yeah.” Alice said. “What about it?”

“What if we make a ball pit… but with potatoes!”

Jasper, Alice, and Bella cheered. Edward, who was lurking in a bush 20 feet away decided that since none of them were using the collective brain cell today he should probably rejoin them. Little did he know that Rosalie actually had the collective Cullen brain cell today, shown by the fact that she was staying out of all this.

“Hello, family.” He announced, dramatically walking out of the bushes. “After some consideration, I have decided to come back.”

“Edward, you weren’t even gone for 2 minutes.’ Alice said, sighing. “Have you changed your mind about the music, at least?”

“ I suppose I’ll help,” he said begrudgingly. “Can Bella help me, though?”

“Yes!” Bella yelled. “I’m gonna play cotton eye joe for three hours straight! Whoever sticks it out till the end gets the diabetic mountain lion sweet tea!”

The two of them plopped down with Bella’s phone to assemble a playlist that contained such classics as Country Roads, Take Me Home, Cotton Eye Joe Gregorian Chant Techno Remix, and the Tennessee state song, Rocky Top. Edward sneaked Clair De Lune in when he thought nobody was looking. Bella promptly deleted it when he wasn’t looking.

Over the next few hours, Emmett and Jasper constructed a small rodeo and then ran around the tri-state area looking for some bears to ride around.

“Look at him.” Jasper said fondly as Emmett wrestled a bear to the ground. “Grinnin’ like a possum eatin’ a sweet tater.”

Alice went to bi-mart for decorations, which for those of you unlucky enough not to live in the pacific northwest, is a cowboy walmart.

By 1 in the morning they had everything set up. Emmett was sitting on the bear in the middle of the rodeo and singing along to Edward and Bella’s playlist. Jasper was helping Alice hang the cowboy hat fairy lights at the last minute, seeing as she was too short to hang them herself.

“Alright, buckaroos!” Jasper cried. “It’s time to go get Carlisle!”

Bella, Edward, and Alice ran back to the house leaving Emmett and Jasper to supervise the bear and the sweet tea, respectively. They burst through Carlisle’s door to find him staring at his creepy vampire paintings.

“Carlisle!” Alice said. “Come with us! We need to show you something!”

Carlisle allowed Alice to drag him down the hall and Edward went to find Esme and Rosalie. A minute later, they were all assembled on the lawn and ready to go.

“Which way was it again?” Bella wondered, looking at the woods.

“Follow me!” said Alice, and ran through the trees until the rodeo came into sight.

“What is this?” Carlisle asked, hearing ‘Cotton Eye Joe’ blasting from Bella’s portable bluetooth speaker that they had put on the table with the sweet tea.

“Hi, Carlisle! Hi, Esme!” Emmett yelled.

“Why is he sitting on a bear?” Esme muttered to her husband.

“Honey, it’s not the weirdest thing he’s done. I’m more focused on the rodeo. And the fact that they’re all wearing cowboy hats.”

Alice plopped a cowboy hat on each of her parent’s heads. “On three! One! Two! Three!”

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR CARLISLE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOOOU!” everyone sang. Edward harmonized badly.

“Is it my birthday?” Carlisle asked. “How did you figure that out?”

“Google!” Bella said proudly.

“That- that’s quite interesting.” Carlisle said, wondering why he’d never googled himself. “How old am I?”

“377!” Bella announced proudly.

“Ah. And may I ask why Emmett is sitting on a bear?”

“This is Fernando, named after the best song in the world,” Emmett said, patting the bear’s head. Edward stared at them, aghast that he hadn’t named the bear Debussy as he had suggested.

“We set up a rodeo for ya, pop!” Jasper said. “Do ya like it?”

“I made sweet tea!” Bella said, grinning.

“I love it.” Carlisle said. “Are you going to wrestle the bear?”

“You bet!” Emmett yelled. “Come at me bro!” The bear growled at him. Emmett growled back.

After Emmett had successfully wrestled the bear, Bella put on ‘Cotton Eye Joe’ and had the entire family dance until the hour-long loop was over. Since nobody had won, they all shared the diabetic mountain lion sweet tea. Emmett pulled some potatoes out of his jacket and threw one at Alice. She threw it back and soon they were fighting each other with potatoes. At this point Esme noticed that the sun was rising and ordered them to clean up, go back to the house, and get ready for school.

#twilight #twilight crack #emmett cullen #edward cullen #alice cullen #jasper cullen #bella cullen #fic

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the--blackdahlia · 4 years

Text

It’s So Easy (And Other Lies) Chapter 27

Title: It’s So Easy (And Other Lies) Chapter 27

Summary: Stevie Adler likes Duff McKagan. She has for a while now, but she is convinced Duff doesn’t like her that way. Duff likes Stevie, but so does their new bandmate Axl Rose.

Chapter Warnings: Language, this one is gonna be kinda sad. Just a heads up

AN: Thank you all for the feedback!!

The concert was going great. Hope was loving it, even though Stevie could tell that she was getting tired. But tomorrow, they would be heading back to Seattle while the boys headed on to their last stop, so Stevie wanted to make the most of it. They had made it through some of the rougher songs, Izzy singing the few that he was allowed to, before it came time for one of their slower songs.

Lighters were up and shining as they broke into “Patience”. The tour was almost done and they’d be heading back home before they knew it. Axl knew they’d all scatter until Geffen set up another tour. Axl closed his eyes as he listened to the drum part Stevie had helped Matt set up, and he started singing through the song like it was second nature.

Until he came to a line, that any other time didn’t do anything to him, but today, it seemed to trigger a memory.

“I sit here on the stairs 'cause I'd rather be alone

If I can't have you right now, I'll wait, dear”

Axl had just parked and was heading towards the apartment when he saw Izzy sitting on the stairs of their apartment. Izzy was scribbling into a notebook, working on a song. They hadn’t quite made it yet, but Axl trusted Izzy to write their hits to launch their career.

“Iz?” Axl asked. “What are you doing?”

“Locked out,” Izzy told him, not looking up. “Was gonna go hang out at the rat trap with Stevie, Slash, and Duff, but Stevie’s at work, which means Duff’s there. And I don’t like Slash’s snakes.” Axl sat on the stairs by Izzy and looked over his shoulder.

“Watchya working on?” He asked, reading the lyrics that Izzy had scribbled on the page.

“I, uh, it’s a personal song for you…” Izzy stated before his heart started racing. “To sing to Stevie to maybe woo her.”

“Oh really?” Axl read the lyrics and smiled. “I like it.”

“Yeah?” Izzy looked at Axl, who was smiling at him.

“I like everything you write man,” Axl elbowed him a little bit. “Come on, let’s get inside.”

Axl’s body seemed to be running on autopilot as the memory played in his head, because he was still singing the song, but he was also staring at Izzy, who was focused on something very interesting on the stage. It all hit Axl like a brick wall then. Something he had never realized before, but now it was all coming at him.

The song was never for Axl to sing to Stevie.

The song was Izzy talking to Axl.

After the concert, Duff and Stevie went off to spend one last night as a family before Stevie headed back to Seattle, and the other guys went off to find their own things to do. Izzy was heading towards his room when Axl stopped him.

“Izzy, can we talk?” Axl asked.

“Not now,” Izzy shook his head. “Maybe later.” Whatever Axl wanted to tell him, Izzy wasn’t really in the mood to hear. So he headed into his room and shut the door, leaving Axl out in the hallway.

“Come on man,” Dizzy grabbed his arm. “There’s a bar with our name on it.” Axl looked back at Izzy’s door. He wanted to talk to the guitarist, but he figured that it could wait until another day. He headed out with the others to go to the bar.

****

“I’ll see you soon my little princess,” Duff told Hope as they stood outside the gate at the airport, waiting for Stevie and Hope’s flight to Seattle to be called. “You be good for mommy, okay?” He tickled her foot, making her laugh and kick her legs.

“You’ll be home before you know it,” Stevie smiled and kissed Duff gently.

“I love you,” He told her, staring into her eyes. “Thanks for coming out with us.”

“Anytime,” She smiled up at him. “I love you too.”

“Oh my god, you guys are so sweet I’m getting diabetes,” Slash grumbled. Izzy slapped his arm.

“We’ll see you later Stevie,” Izzy told her. Hope babbled at Izzy, almost like she was saying bye too. Their flight was called and Duff gave Stevie one more kiss before she boarded.

“I miss them already,” Duff sighed. Slash stuck his finger in his mouth and made a gagging motion while Izzy laughed. “You two are assholes.”

“What did I do?” Izzy asked. Duff walked past them, shaking his head.

“Come on losers, we need to get to New York City!” He called to them, and they followed him out of the airport.

****

Axl had tried to talk to Izzy a couple times on the ride to New York, but Izzy would blow him off. Izzy wasn’t in the mood to deal with him after the way he had acted at Stevie and Duff’s wedding. So Izzy always found other things to do to avoid the oncoming storm.

The final concert of the tour was going great. The crowd was eating it up, just like all of them had. But everyone was excited to head back to LA, Duff was itching to get back to Seattle. Axl wanted to start another album right away, not wanting it spaced out as much as Appetite for Destruction and Use Your Illusion had been. But he had agreed to give everyone a little time off to relax.

They had just gotten done doing “Double Talkin’ Jive” and Axl took his spot at the piano to do “November Rain”. As the song started, he looked up at Izzy. If Izzy didn’t want to talk to him on the bus, maybe he would listen to the words.

Nothin' lasts forever. And we both know hearts can change.

Izzy was looking off to the side, glancing at Duff who had seen Axl’s stares at the guitarist. Axl continued to sing, just wanting Izzy to look his way.

If we could take the time to lay it on the line, I could rest my head just knowin' that you were mine.

Everyone seemed to sense the extra emotion that Axl was putting into words. The crowd loved it. But Izzy did not. So he refused to look at the frontman.

So if you want to love me, then darlin' don't refrain

“What is he doing?” Dizzy asked, leaving over to ask Matt.

“I don’t know man. Axl’s weird,” Matt replied. Dizzy nodded and went back to his part.

The song was over and they started a faster song, which seemed to set the tone for the rest of the concert, it was speeding by quickly. They took their bows and headed back to the hotel. Izzy went to his room and shut the door. There was a knock, and Izzy expected it to be Axl, but there was another voice that sure wasn’t the redhead.

“Izzy? Can we come in?” He heard Slash. Opening the door, he saw Duff and Slash standing there.

“What’s up guys?” He asked, letting them into his room.

“Is everything okay?” Duff asked in return.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t it be?” Izzy flopped back down on his bed and lit a cigarette.

“You’ve been avoiding Axl like he has the plague,” Slash pointed out. Izzy shrugged.

“So?” Izzy asked. “I have a right to avoid him.”

“Isn’t he your best friend?” Duff asked, to which Izzy sighed.

“You heard the song. Nothin’ lasts forever and we both know hearts can change,” Izzy took a puff off his cigarette. “We’re band mates. Nothing more, nothing less. Now, I’d like to get some sleep before we make the trip back to LA, okay?”

“Okay,” Duff sighed. “See you in the morning man.” Him and Slash walked out of Izzy’s room. “I have a bad feeling.”

“Fuck, don’t say that,” Slash sighed. “Let’s just get home and relax?”

“Yeah,” Duff nodded before heading to his room to get some sleep.

****

They were all chilling on the bus, leaving New York. They had gotten through New Jersey in record time, and were now in Pennsylvania. Duff was staring out the window, minding his own business. Everyone was trying to. Axl had woken up on the wrong side of the bed and was letting everyone have it from the moment management woke them up until they got on the bus.

But Dizzy couldn’t stand the silence anymore, so he decided to speak up.

“This tour has kicked our asses,” Dizzy told them. “I’m tired as fuck. I didn’t know it was going to be this hard.”

“Well it might not have been this bad if Stevie wasn’t such a selfish bitch and got pregnant, then thought she had to bring her kid on tour with us,” Axl snapped. Slash felt Duff’s muscles tensing as he got angry. He was about ready to say something to the frontman, tired of the constant poking at Stevie, when a blur of black clothing jumped up and got in the redhead’s face.

“Will you shut your fucking mouth?” Izzy snapped. Everyone froze at Izzy’s sudden outburst. “I’m so sick and fucking tired of it!”

“Well, if you don’t like it, you know where the door is,” Axl rolled his eyes. He thought it was an empty invitation, that Izzy would never respond to it. But then Izzy said something that he never in a million years thought he would hear him say.

“Okay. I quit,” Izzy told him, calmer than his normal chilled personality. “Stop the bus!” He shouted to the driver.

“Izzy, wait,” Slash tried to stop him, but Izzy grabbed his bags and had his guitar case on his back. Axl just stared at him, not really sure how to process this. Izzy had been his longest friend, they had been through everything together, and now he was leaving. The bus stopped and Izzy stepped off.

“I’ll talk to him,” Duff quickly got off the bus after him, watching as Izzy started walking in the opposite direction from the way they were going. “Izzy, wait!”

“Fucking hell Duff, how can you sit there and let him talk about your wife that way?” Izzy asked, turning to look at the bassist. “If Stevie was my wife, I would’ve hit him in his balls by now. Or worse.”

“Stevie told me to just ignore him,” Duff told him. “It’s Axl. He’s just an asshole.”

“Yeah, and he loved Stevie too you know,” Izzy told him, leaving some words left unsaid. “What do you think all of this attitude and bitterness is about? Axl fucking loved Stevie, and she chose you over him.”

“I…”

“Forget it,” Izzy shook his head. “I’ll call Stevie when I get to wherever it is I’m going. Don’t want her to worry. Get on the bus Duff.” Izzy patted the bus to tell the driver he could go before he started walking again, holding out his thumb at cars, hoping to hitch a ride to someplace with an airport so he could fly someplace. Duff sighed and got back on the bus, all eyes turning to him.

“Where’s Izzy?” Slash asked, looking at his friend. Duff shook his head.

“He’s gone,” Duff sighed, settling in his seat. The bus started to move then, and Duff knew there would be lots of questions that they would have to answer to Geffen when they got back.

“Good riddens,” Axl wiped at his eyes. “We don’t need him.” He hoped that no one heard the heartbreak in his voice as he turned to look out the window.

The rest of the ride back to California was tense, no one saying much of anything.

****

“Hey Stevie,” Izzy was standing at a payphone in Philadelphia. He was honestly kinda surprised that she had answered. “How’s the kid doing?”

“She’s great. Can’t wait for all her uncles to come see her,” Stevie could sense something in Izzy’s voice. “You didn’t just call me to check up on Hope, did you?” Izzy closed his eyes for a brief moment.

“Uh, not exactly,” Izzy admitted. “I called to tell you that I just quit.”

“Quit what exactly?”

“The band,” Izzy sighed. “I can’t do it anymore. I got off the bus in the middle of nowhere. Hitched a ride to Philadelphia. I gotta catch a flight but I don’t know where I want to go…”

“Izzy...” Stevie breathed. After everything, she was surprised that Izzy had quit the band. “Wait, what do you mean you don’t know where you want to go?”

“Well, I don’t want to go back to LA right now. I guess I could fly to Indy. Maybe go see my mom or something but I’m not really in the mood for that…” He trailed off.

“Come to Seattle,” Stevie told him. “Izzy, you’re one of my best friends and I’m really worried about you. Get your skinny Midwestern ass over here.” Izzy chuckled a little.

“Sure Duff won’t be pissed to find me alone there with his wife when he comes home?” Izzy asked, already knowing the answer.

“You know he won’t,” Stevie told him. “Get a flight to Seattle and let me know what time you should be landing. Hope and I will be waiting for you.”

“Okay. I have another call to make and then I’ll get my ticket.” They said their goodbyes then Izzy dialed another number. “Hey Vince.”

“Hey man, what’s up?”

“I just wanted to tell you so you could tell the guys...I quit Guns…”

“What did Axl do?” Vince growled.

“It’s just… it’s been a long time coming,” Izzy sighed.

“Well, I’m calling bullshit on that one, but I won’t press you. But you know Tommy and Nikki will want to shake you down when I tell them.”

“Yeah, I kinda figured,” Izzy nodded. “I’m going to Seattle for a bit. I’ll let you guys know when I make it to LA.”

“Okay. And I’ll take care of Axl when he gets back here, don’t worry,” Vince told him. Izzy chuckled.

“Thanks Vince. See ya.” Izzy hung up before grabbing his things and going to book a ride to Seattle.

Forever Tags: @dekahg @marvel-af-imagines @feelmyroarrrr @nanie5 @imboredsueme @gemini0410 @aiaranradnay @babypink224221 @mogarukes @xxwarhawk @sandlee44 @shatteredabby @caswinchester2000 @lauravic @mrsambroserollinsacklesmgk @teller258316 @horrorpxnk @tommyleeownsme @marvelismylifffe @mrslogansixxpixx

Guns n Roses Tags: @malibubarbievince @slashscowboyboots @hauntedapricoteggsclam @bitter-13-suite @arianareirg @lucyboytom @ozzy-dumbass-of-darkness @julessworldd @solopadawan @stradlin-cold-heartbreaker @catsandacoffee @kaitieskidmore1 @heavy-metal-fucking-rules

It’s So Easy Tags: @str4nge-haze @viralwolf02 @overlyobsessedfangirl

#it's so easy and other lies #guns n roses #duff mckagan #steven adler #duff mckagan x steven adler #fanfiction

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ratretro · 5 years

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The Heart Beats Chapter 4 - Scars

Title: The Heart Beats

Pairing: NaLu

Summary: Soulmate AU mashup - Red Strings. Forgotten Dreams. Colors of Gray. Marked Skin. Unfamiliar Names. Soulmates have different meanings for everyone, and Lucy struggles to find the courage to take her next step forward. Will she finally claim her future or will feelings go left unsaid?

Rating: M – sort of??? probably??????

None of these characters are owned by me, they are all owned by the wonderful Hiro Mashima!

A/N:

Alright everyone! We’ve got our winners! So, after tallying votes from my asks, dms, and on FF (ao3 had no comments) we came to these results. For NaLu: the midnight video call (honestly truly this was a super close race) and for Jerza: Coffee Shop. Based on the winning options for the ships we won’t be meeting Wendy this chapter! However, we will meet her in ch 5 or 6 so no worries haha also the midnight video call option is just good okay

FF.net - AO3

Natsu Dragneel was, by all intents and purposes, an idiot. He wracked his brain for answers on why he would put his name as ‘Hot Stuff’ in her phone. Oh man, she was going to think he was a moron. Shit, he just might be.

“Troubles with the blonde?” Jellal gave him a knowing pat on the shoulder and Natsu briefly wondered if the man was doing alright. He’d JUST moved back to his hometown and all.

“The blonde’s name is Lucy and Natsu looooves her,” Juvia called from across the empty cafe. He was after closing but the trio still had business to take care of and that took precedence over his idiocy with a girl he definitely did NOT love. He loved his soulmate. Though, sometimes that worked for and against him. Today, it was against him because damn it all the girl was amazing. She was selfless and caring.

He could inconvenience her a million times and she’d forgive him each and every one. But Lucy. Lucy was real. He could touch her, hear her voice, watch her nose scrunch up when she took a sip of a drink much too bitter. Today, it worked against him.

“I don’t like ‘er, Juvia. She’s not my soulmate.” He threw the rag down on the countertop with an annoyed grunt.

Jellal, in his infinite wisdom, assumed Natsu was one of the ‘following the crowd’ types and made the first of many mistakes.

“So? Why should that matter?” the darker-haired blunette’s voice rang into the silence and Natsu, dear Natsu, exploded.

“Huh!? What do ya mean why!? ‘Cause I love her and I can’t stand liking someone who isn’t her!”

“Have you guys met before?” because surely after a week of working at the shop Jellal would have met her by now. But he’d only ever seen the blo-- ‘Lucy’ here to visit the pinkette.

“N-no, we haven’t.” the pinkette’s head hung low and he expected the same thing he always got: then go see her instead of raging.

“Are you dating?” this was a different line of questioning then he was used to. So, Natsu, for once, listened.

“No?” Jellal spoke calmly even in the face of Natsu’s disdain. Natsu, himself, was beginning to question Jellal’s motive at this point.

“Then do as you please. See who you end up liking the most. Although, you should probably meet your soulmate if--”

“I KNOW.” an aggravated yowl left the pinkette’s throat and that was enough for Jellal to know it was a subject to drop. And so he continued to sweep and they worked in awkward silence until the cafe was closed for the night. They even had the ‘closed for emergency’ sign outside so patrons knew they’d be closed for a few days.

The trio had business to attend to after all. Business that had nothing to do with his love life.

----------------------

The dinging of her phone was what woke her in the dead of night. The blonde fumbled and smacked at her phone in an attempt to decline the call but much to her chagrin she tapped the answer button instead.

“Hey, Lucy.” Natsu’s voice was soft and barely audible from her bedside table and it took her a moment to register who was speaking.

“Natsu?” her voice was groggy and at first the pinkette wasn’t sure what Lucy had even said. Meanwhile, the blonde herself was struggling to focus on the bright lit up screen where the vague shape of her barista was. Half-asleep and barely functioning, she waited for a response.

“Look at the screen.” Lucy had barely heard what he said. Which wasn’t surprising since she still hadn’t lifted the phone from her table.

“Don’t wanna.” a grumbled response that Natsu understood. Sort of.

“Luuuuce.” he groaned while the haze of the blonde’s waking mind began to clear.

“Fiiiiiiine,” she grumbled. The pinkette watched as her face came to view. Well, a dark outline of her face barely illuminated from the light of the phone.

“You realize it’s...” she glanced to the upper right, “12:37 AM. Right?”

“Yeah,” he said it like a statement but his voice was becoming strained, almost as if he was hurt.

“I just felt the need to talk to ya is all. Not sure why.” more strained vocals from the pinkette. He looked to be in a dimly lit location. She could hear cars passing by and even the sound of a microwave going off in the distance.

“What about? Are you okay?” she didn’t think he was but she was already expecting his lie.

“I’m fine. Nothin’ to worry about, Luce.” it seemed that the nickname would be sticking unless she rejected it but honestly it felt right. It felt like a personal connection to him. She liked that.

“Ya sure?” she grumbled, a mixture of tired and irritation at being woken if nothing was wrong.

“Where are you anyway?” now THAT was a question he’d hoped she wouldn’t ask.

“I’m on my balcony.” Technically speaking, he was on a balcony – it just wasn’t his.

“Uh huh. Sure. Are you sure you’re okay?” Her bed creaked as she shifted to an upright position to continue talking to him.

“I am. Uh--” the sound of a fight broke out in the background and Natsu cursed before the call abruptly ended. Lucy was left with a bright screen reading ‘Call Ended’ and several questions. Luckily, these could easily be answered with her visit to the shop tomorrow. Still, she worried about him. She considered calling him back to see if he was okay but quickly dismissed the thought.

Besides, she’d see him tomorrow anyway.

---------------------

Natsu laid in his bed, cut to hell, and internally thanked the fact that Lucy hadn’t called him back. That failure of a mission was just one of their many mistakes but he’d made the biggest blunder. He’d gotten hurt; bad. Wendy had spent the entire night attempting to keep the wound from scarring but in the end, she hadn’t been able to. He’d needed several stitches.

He’d also been ignoring the inked messages on his forearm filled with panic, worry and God knew what else. Of course, she’d seen it. It would scar, badly, which would cause it to stay on her as well. Forever, it would never leave. Now, Natsu himself wouldn’t care about a measly scar but he wasn’t a girl. Girls care about things like that.

Maybe once he was out of recovery and cleared for active duty again he could talk to Juvia about it. Still, that bitch Briar would pay the next time he saw her. Though, the pinkette couldn’t say it was a total bust. They’d finally gotten information that they could turn into the police which would finally end their job. Plus, the mob syndicate, Avatar would go down in ashes. He couldn’t have them anywhere near Lucy or his soulmate which meant they couldn’t be rifling around in this city.

“We got ‘em right, gramps?” he questioned the small, elder man who was sitting on the dresser across from his bed.

“We got ‘em. But. I hate that you disobeyed a direct order AND got yourself injured.” his voice was booming for an old man and Natsu had to admit: he was scared.

“You leave me with no choice.”

“Gramps, no. Anything but that.” Natsu’s voice was exasperated.

“You’re grounded. For an entire week, you won’t leave the apartment and you WON’T be working at the shop either.” Now, Natsu wasn’t worried about funds. Most of his bills were paid by Fairy Tail including his rent. However, being forced away from the shop bothered him. He wouldn’t see Lucy or her friends. And he even liked her friends. Except for Gray. Everyone but him.

“Graaaaamps,” he whined

------------------------

Lucy tapped her pen on the table in anger. She’d heard nothing from Natsu or her soulmate in nearly four days. Lucy was pissed, which wasn’t exactly a first for her, at her soulmate. It wasn’t about the scarring left on her abdomen. This was about her worry. She cared for him; missed him. But he’d gotten seriously injured and dropped off the face of the earth.

Lucy didn’t want to ask the question that was on her mind and it seemed like the redhead didn't either.

“Ah! May I get another winterberry tea? The color is quite refreshing.” Erza’s voice snapped her out of her stupor causing her to watch the exchange closely. She recognized the blunette male from the week prior when she and Natsu had given each other their numbers.

“You think so too? I love the color. It has to be my favorite. It’s a scarlet color, just like your hair.” the pair were smiling at each other with tinted red cheeks and the blonde nearly cooed at the two. The scene felt like sweet tea on her tongue; strong and full of diabetes. Meanwhile, her soulmate gets cut up and just disappears.

The blunette returned to the counter where Juvia, her second-favorite barista, began showing the male the ropes of making Erza’s favorite drink of the week. It’d surely change by next week but Lucy wasn’t one to judge on picky taste. She’d refused to drink a cappuccino made by anyone other than Natsu so she was getting her caffeine via the unlikely source of Earl Grey. It barely took the edge off. Still, somehow she was still steadfast on the pinkette making her drink.

She was also stubbornly waiting for his call. Pale fingers caressed her abdomen where the ragged mark of an ‘X’ now laid upon her skin.

First, her soulmate. Now, Natsu. Hives broke out across her skin as worry fell over her.

“Luce! It’s been a while, huh?”

And truly it hadn’t been.

A/N:

NEXT CHAPTER:

Gruvia. We get some Gruvia.

So next is choosing what scenes you want for each couple next:

NaLu: Balcony Scene or THERE WAS ONLY ONE BED

and

Gajevy: Lucy meets the bae or Kiss in the rain

Gruvia doesn’t get a choice because I have a dream sequence coming for them. Small reminder this is mainly nalu so i’m trying to keep it mainly about them.

I LOOK FORWARD TO NEXT CHAPTER WITH YOU ALL.

#nalu #fairy tail #natsu dragneel #lucy heartfilia #otp: welcome home #ft #thb #the heart beats

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simplyhasanah · 6 years

Text

Just exactly a year ago on today’s date, my grandmother was released from the hospital where she had to be hospitalized for almost one month and was bedridden. It was only because she slipped on the floor and fell- exactly on her pelvic, which was found out to be broken. If she was 20-30 years younger, she would’ve been operated instantly but it was because she surpassed the 70 years of age, the doctors said the best thing is to let her be; let it heal by itself. What the hospital could do for her was to monitor her health status, keep her health stable and help her ease her pain.

There were so many priceless lessons that I learned within those months because I was always beside her. Plus, when you’re surrounded by many sick people at the hospital, you’ll feel more grateful and humbled, too. But most of all, you’ll definitely see Allah’s Mercy and Blessings there.

I’ll share some of my writings last year since I wasn’t active in this blog at that time. Here goes:

23rd March 2017

Mudahan baik-baik saja, nek (Please let the news be good for you, grandma). Minta dijauhi daripada perkara yang buruk (May you be kept away from any harm). May Allah grant shifa to you, nek. Aamiin yaa rabbal ‘alamin.

I shared a quote from the book called ‘Mauizhah Hasanah’ by Ustaz Ahmad Dusuki Abdul Rani,

“Apa yang dikumpul takkan menjadi milik melainkan diberikan pada yang memerlukan untuk Allah.” and

in English, it says “What was collected will never be owned unless it was given to the needy for Allah.”

26th March 2017

I posted a photo of my luggage with a caption, ‘Kan belayar…ke hospital.’ Going to travel…to the hospital.

27th March 2017

Earlier last night on 26th March with some of my uncles, aunt, cousins- we were celebrating my cousin, D’s birthday beside Nenek. Definitely one of the nights to remember. ‘Meriah’ (Lively), almost to the max. Balik-balik kana marahi (We’ve been scolded many times) due to the loudness of our voices. But Alhamdulillah.

Nenek’s feeling much better from the last few days. Her willpower is there. Alhamdulillah, thank you and may Allah bless you yang sentiasa mendoakan (those who always pray for her).

Di mana ada kepayahan, di sana Allah permudahkan. Where there is difficulty, in there Allah will give ease.

Di mana ada kesungguhan, di sana Allah memberi jalan. Where there is a will, in there Allah will show the way.

InshaAllah. May Allah continue to grant us good health, guidance and blessings always.

28th March 2017

I shared a photo quote by Dodinsky, “You have an important task in life. If someone feels empty, talk about their worth. If they are lost, help guide them back to their path. If they are weakened, remind them of their strength. If in despair, show them there is always hope. And remember, this undertaking always begin with YOU.”

And I reminded myself and others: Life in this (temporary) Dunya isn’t about serving our lowly nafs (desires). It goes beyond that. When we serve for others, we serve for Allah.

29th March 2017

It’s been almost a week. The doctors said it might take a while to recover. We don’t want to focus on the numbers but we want to make sure Nenek is recovering well. She had been having troubles sleeping at night and even during the day. But she is sleeping soundly now, Alhamdulillah. Mudahan cepat sembuh, nek. (May you recover well, grandma), Aamiin, aamiin..

I posted a photo of my baby nephew: Look who’s visiting! (I remember Nenek was really happy to see him).

31st March 2017

I shared a quote by Ustadh Nouman Ali Khan, “When you find yourself in a position to help someone, be happy! Because Allah is answering that person’s prayer through you.”

1st April 2017

I shared the first three verses of Surah Al-Ankabut,

“Alif Lam Mim. Do men think that they will be left alone on saying, “We believe”, and that they will not be tested? We did test those before them, and God will certainly know those who are true from those who are false.”

Then, I reminded myself and others: Tests are temporary but our reactions and responses during those tests last with Allah; they stay to prove how faithful we are to Him.

I shared an excerpt from the Mauizhah Hasanah book, “Dalam kehidupan kita, suatu masa kita akan merasai kenikmatan yang berterusan. Lama kelamaan, Allah akan menarik nikmat sedikit demi sedikit yang terdapat dan dirasai oleh kita itu.” (In our lives, one day we will experience a continuous enjoyment (ni’mat). Over time, God will take the ni’mat that we have little by little).

I also shared a story from the book, “Ada suatu kisah yang diceritakan oleh seorang sahabat saya. Suatu ketika, beliau menziarahi seorang gurunya. Gurunya itu menghidap pelbagai jenis penyakit, ada kencing manis, darah tinggi dan lain-lain. Ketika beliau menziarahi gurunya, gurunya menghidangkan durian dan memakannya. Sahabat saya ini terkejut, dan bertanya kepada gurunya, “Tok guru makan makanan begini, tak takut mati ke?” Lantas tok gurunya menuding jari ke arah hadapan rumahnya iaitu tanah perkuburan dan berkata, “Itu, di hadapan sana, semua itu berpantang makannya, tapi tetap juga mati.”

In English, it says, "There is a story told by a friend of mine. Once, he visited his teacher. The teacher has various diseases, diabetes, hypertension and others. When he visited his teacher, his teacher served durian and ate it. My friend was surprised, and asked his teacher, “Tok guru ate this kind of food, are you not afraid to die?” Then his teacher pointed his finger at the front of his house, which is the cemetery and said, “There, in front, all (people in cemetery) abstained from eating it, but, still they die.”

2nd April 2017

I shared another excerpt from the book, “Suatu perkara yang boleh diambil daripada intipati ayat ini ialah tatkala kita dicemuh orang, dihina, dikeji atau sebagainya, tanamlah dalam hati kita, kita ada akhirat. Biarlah kita dikhianati orang, asalkan kita bersabar, dan terus bersabar, dan berdoalah moga-moga Allah ganjari syurga kepada kita atas sifat kesabaran itu.”

In English, it says, "One thing that can be taken from the essence of this verse is that when we are being insulted, humiliated, degraded or so, plant (thoughts) in our hearts that we have the hereafter. Let us be betrayed by people, as long as we are patient, and continue to be patient, and pray that God will reward us for the act of being patience.”

I shared a quote by Habib Saggaf bin Mahdi, “The extraordinary person is simple in his speech but great in his action.”

I captured a photo of the hospital’s TV with the lights off with the caption: Watching “IQRA” with Nenek. One of the best teledramas that teaches you so many priceless lessons and gives you powerful reminders. The teledrama looks simple and some might see it as plain, but subhanAllah, they can really wake you.

3rd April 2017

One of the things that made me realise while staying in and going back and forth to the hospital is that Allah can just take one of our blessings, health- away from us…and He SWT can also give it back to us whenever and wherever we are. Below are some thoughts that have been going on in my mind whenever I’m here (in the hospital):

We are powerless without Allah.

One blessing’s taken doesn’t mean we are being ignored, rather the attention is on us. Alhamdulillah ‘ala kulli hal.

If we are truly servants of Allah, we will remember Allah all the time. In good health or in sickness, we will practise Sabr and Shukr.

Race, Ranks, Status will be insignificant. Whoever you are, a poor or a rich person…if you have a sense of pride and ego…sickness is an important lesson to teach you- that whatever you do even if you do things by yourself, you will still need help from others. ‘Help’ from others come from Allah.

Sickness in physical form can be a platform to strengthen our spiritual state. When we feel weak, the only choice is to be strong. Remaining to be weak is not an option. We need to move on if we want to be on Allah’s side.

If Dunya is like a temporary destination, hospitals are like airports for souls. Some have to stay for a while. Some went ahead to the destination according to their own intention and effort in getting their ‘ticket’. We will be sent when the time is right.

Humans are forgetful beings. It is best to always make du’a and prayers to Allah to give us Hidayah and Tawfiq always for these two are the greatest gifts a Muslim can have.

4th April 2017

I shared a quote by SDH, “Don’t be sad dear chosen ones.”

Another quote by Power of Positivity, “The strongest people make time to help others, even when they’re struggling with their own personal problems.” while inserting a reminder for myself and others: Remember Rasulullah SAW and his companions…

5th April 2017

I shared a photo of my grandmother in her purple hijab and pastel coloured baju kurung with a pillow at her back and with her sitting on a wheelchair with a caption: Nenek’s first day exercising at Physiotherapy Department.

I also shared a photo of the word ‘Sabr’. So I just witnessed one of the nurses being rude to us despite trying to cover her rudeness with a forced sweet voice and a forced sweet intonation. But when the manners are rude, they are still rude. No matter what. I nearly lost my temper. Okay, perhaps I lost my temper a bit but I nearly explode. Seriously, this makes me question why you want to become a nurse in the first place. Sesungguhnya, ramai lagi manusia seperti dia. (Actually, there are many others like her). Tapi entah kenapalah marah ku begitu meruap-ruap malam ini. (But why am I filled with so much anger tonight). Ya Allah, grant me patience.

I wrote a ‘rant’: You cannot hide your ugly personality by beautifying your face, your voice or your appearance. Ugly personality comes from a dirty heart. Yes, beauty comes from within.

6th April 2017

I posted a photo of my grandmother trying to walk using the four-legged stick with two physiotherapists holding her from both sides. Captioned ‘Day 2: Syafakillah dear Nenek.’

I shared a photo quote by Simple Reminders, “Never discredit your gut instinct. You are not paranoid. Your body can pick up on bad vibrations. If something deep inside of you says something is not right about a person or situation, trust it.”

7th April 2017

I shared a text post which I’ve written on 7th April 2014:

Now you’re exactly where Allah wants you to be but bear in mind, it is only temporary. Your body will age, your face and skin will deteriorate. Your wealth and status will soon be forgotten but your bad and good deeds will forever be written. But remember, the thing that can erase the bad is a true repentance so long as you keep your iman on perseverance. So what if some people are treating you bad, it’s how you respond with kindness that makes Him be extremely glad. His Pleasures is what you truly seek, not the world and falsehood that are full of deceit. Be mindful, without a sincere intention, all those billion actions won’t make Jannah happen.

I captured a photo of the book called The Art of Doing with a caption: Was gifted this book earlier by The Queen (one of my close friends) and my first impression was, “Are you saying I’m not doing anything?” (insert laughing emojis). So sorry for saying that, Your Majesty, my mental state is a bit unstable at the moment but thank you so much for this book. You really know much much I love reading the How-To books. Jazakillah khairan kathira!

I shared a quote by Rumi, “It’s your road, and yours alone. Others may walk it with you, but no one can walk it for you.’

8th April 2017

I shared a photo of my grandmother being held by two physiotherapists while she was holding the four-legged cane with a caption: Day 4. A good improvement, nek.

I shared a quote by Walid Al-Malik, “Duhai anakanda, jika masih banyak merungut dan tidak redha dengan ketentuan takdir juga musibah. Makanya, kamu masih belum benar-benar bertauhid.” In English, it says, "Dear child, if you still have a lot of complains and are not accepting with the fate and misfortunes. That means you still have not practised Tawhid.”

I posted a beautiful photo of the sky and trees outside my house with a caption: Syukur, I get to see His creations once in two or three days these days. Being stuck in one place can be challenging and suffocating. But all that is to train one’s patience. Patience can be practised in two occasions (or more); in dealing with calamity and in dealing with people. I usually struggle with the latter, unfortunately. But as time goes by and as Allah gave me some reminders here and there, I came to realize that sometimes Allah wants to teach us how to be thankful first at the moment when we have the right to become angry, which is also the perfect time to practise patience. One of the main reasons why humans are forgetful, in my observation, is that we forget we have Allah by our side….we forget that it is Allah who made everything possible be it giving lives or taking lives…we forget that it is Allah who gave us all those gifts and blessings, which sometimes were disguised in ordeal and calamities. Another reason why we forget Allah is we are too obsessed with chasing the Dunya, focusing on Dunya more than our Akhirah, astaghfirullah. No matter what we experience, if we remember Allah (remember His Greatness, remember who we are, remember that He always listens, He is the Most Just, the Oft-Forgiving, the Most Merciful…this could go on and on), our hearts will find peace. Alhamdulillah ‘ala kulli hal.

9th April 2017

Just because you don’t see someone working behind your back, it doesn’t mean that they are not doing anything. Be thoughtful. Be considerate. Be kind. Because you know what? Allah sees more than you do.

10th April 2017

After about 2 weeks (and more) staying at the hospital (while taking turns with my sister, G), I finally could take a breather. This means I get to update my daily planner, which is also 2 weeks (and more) behind. Reflecting on the recent events that have been happening within the past few weeks, I seriously feel like I’ve been forced to take a ride on a roller coaster non-stop while trying to remain fixed on my seat, I could not go anywhere or I might be thrown off my seat thus will only cause harm to myself even more. The least that I could do is just to stay calm on my seat but once in a while I might do the opposite- perhaps to make sure that I am still alive. I cried, I smiled, I laughed. I got scared. I got angry. I got depressed. It was one heck of a ride full of emotions, spices of life. I tasted life, I’m still alive, Alhamdulillah.

Now, I feel like I’ve just been released from the 2-week roller coaster ride. It doesn’t feel as dizzy anymore. I guess I am recovering from that emotional and spiritual rides. But then again, as I got out of this ride, I came to discover that the world that I am standing on right now is full of those rides. Perhaps that is just the 10th ride that I’ve taken and who knows how many more rides I need to take until I reach the End…to Him.

Allah knows, Allah knows.

We may not like with what’s being given to us. We may not be comfortable with the tests and trials that await us. We may not understand what good it would do to us right now. But we have to believe. We have to remain tight on His Rope (Faith) that Allah is All-Knowing. He knows what He is doing. He knows what is Best for each of us. So please. Just do our Best, Believe, and He will take care of the Rest. InshaAllah Ta’ala.

***

Lessons from a Cleaner

Me to the Cleaner: “May I ask you to clean and mop the floor?”

Nenek chiming in while lying on the bed: “Yes, the other cleaner before had not done it earlier because there were many people wearing their shoes and forgot to take it off.”

Cleaner: “Sure, will do.”

Me: “I heard there were two people who just passed away.”

Cleaner: “Yes, sister. One passed away at 5:30 PM. Another, at 6:00 PM. Both were elderly people.”

Me: “Wow. How close were the times…”

Cleaner: “Yes… It was as if the Angel couldn’t stop. Once the Angel went to one room, he quickly moved to the room in front of him.”

Me: “SubhanAllah!”

- A long pause -

Me: “Yesterday- Thursday night, the patient next door also passed away. The next day, a new patient came in.”

Cleaner: “Yes, sister. Here it is always full. Every day, there are sick people. Today, there are three rooms empty. But tomorrow it will be filled. Every day, sick people come.”

Me: “Yes…but this is only temporary. Here is Dunya. Everything will be temporary…”

Cleaner: “That is why…in this Life, we need not be full of pride. There’s something Greater.”

Me: “Yes…”

Cleaner: “Alright, I am done.”

Me: “Thank you!”

Cleaner: “You’re welcome.”

11th April 2017

Alhamdulillah, Nenek has finally been discharged today. Couldn’t be more happier. The process of recovering continues… May Allah grant us strength and patience to persevere. Aamiin.

#personal

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ayma-nidiot · 3 years

Text

“Don’t Speak Their Names” - Shrimpshipping fic Chapter 28

This chapter can be found here on AO3.

Chapter 28 - A Worthy Leader

Rex couldn’t bear to see his own daughter kill the love of his life. All the memories he and Weevil had forged with their daughter over the past few months would end with Weevil’s imminent death.“Amber… Weevil…” he continued to cry in his hands, still unprepared for the inevitable. “Why did… Eh?”

The dino duelist peered through his fingers to see Amber’s arrow not only sticking from the ground, but Weevil still breathing. The magical bonds the Magician Girls placed upon Weevil lay next to Weevil in a raggedy heap.

“She… She shot at his ankle bonds!” Amber’s archery skills impressed Téa.

“It’s not possible!” Chocolate Magician Girl couldn’t believe it. “That binding was blessed by the High Priest Mahad himself!”

As Weevil stood up, still silent, Amber commanded, “Go, now, before someone in this room tries to kill you.”

Weevil left without even a nod, but Amber swore she saw a hint of gratitude in those forlorn eyes.

“What the fuck, Amber? Do you realize what you’ve just done?! ” Phuckdis clearly didn’t like this turn of events; nor did several disgruntled soldiers. Displeased with Amber’s lack of confidence and leadership, they left to join Domino’s Finest.

“Yeah! Now he’s probably off to join the other Earthbound Gods!” William added, kicking a small desk and sending it flying. “You had one job, Amber. ONE FUCKING JOB!”

It was then that Rex finally had the strength to stand on his feet. He walked up to his daughter and placed two hands on her shoulders. “Amber…”

“Papa!” Amber cried into Rex’s shoulders. “Gods damn me, I couldn’t do it! I love Daddy too much!”

“And thanks to your ineptitude, we’re all going to die.” Phuckdis rolled his eyes. “You had the one evil god that caused our destruction before you, and you could have ended it with a single damned arrow. But nooooo, your love for your daddy dear haaaaad to get in the way!”

“You’re not helping, you bastard!” Rex half-shifted, swiping at Phuckdis’ face with a rabbit paw to silence him.

Several minor scuffles amongst the Club’s soldiers broke out, adding further to Phuckdis’ worries. His army was falling apart before his very eyes as was his hope for saving his future from ruin. He started to think that he should have remained in the future, where he could receive a quick death, instead of painfully waiting for it to come. The rabbit claw slash Rex inflicted upon him was nothing compared to his helplessness. “We’re doomed… Dear gods, we are doomed.”

“Th-That’s not true…” Rex began to lose hope too, but loved Amber too much to dishearten her with more discouraging words.

“No, he’s right. Thanks to my choice, not only is my future going to come true after all, but now we’ve lost a good deal of soldiers. Either way… I lose. I’m destined to suffer, and I deserve it.” Amber clenched her fists, putting a halt to the infighting going on between the Club members. “I’m a sorry excuse of a leader. If my baby brother Francis were still alive, he would do a much better job.”

“Come on, I’m sure your daddy and I didn’t raise you this way.” Rex caressed Amber’s face as he tried to cheer her up. ��What happened to my cheerful insect duelist? The one who’s so full of spunk and energy?”

“B-But… But what can we do against evil gods and their armies?”

“...” Phuckdis felt sorry for what he said, and had to think of a proper way to “apologize.” “I have an idea. It will be a lot harder than simply killing Weevil, but… Perhaps if we kill the other Earthbound Gods, their influence over Weevil will cease to be.”

“Ooh!” Tristan liked this idea. “I think that guy who nearly killed Joey is the really scary one. If we can get rid of him… ”

“Not bad, Tristan.” Duke chuckled. “I never thought I’d hear you say something smart.”

“Come to think of it, Daddy was always sweet in my future. But then he was abducted by a giant crimson snake monster, and just wasn’t the same ever again.”

“You see, sweetie?” Rex smiled at Amber, stilling her trembling with a hug. “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.”

“It’s not going to be easy, though…” William remarked. “We still don’t even know where their hideout is. And we’re talking about killing seven omnipotent gods, never mind their lackeys that we’ll inevitably fight along the way.”

“It’s in the theatre building,” Rex replied. “I know, I was taken there.”

“Be that as it may, we cannot start a full-scale war on the grounds of this university,” Phuckdis proclaimed. “It’s best if we take down each Earthbound God one by one, not only to minimize our own losses, but also to avoid as much damage to Domino City as possible.”

“Then we need to keep an eye out for where each of Domino’s Finest officers goes during their spare time, and corner them with the army one by one.” Amber spoke seriously, unlike her uncertain tone from before. “We have one advantage over them, and that’s sheer numbers. I propose that seven of us get assigned one officer to spy on.”

“That’s an awesome idea!” Apple Magician Girl raised her staff in approval.

“All in favour say ‘aye!’” Blackwing - Blizzard the Far North’s idea spurred a round of “ayes.”

“Guys… Even after my failings, you still see me as a worthy leader?”

A Chocolate Magician Girl flew up to Amber. “You’re pretty, strong, and smart, and will do anything for your family. What more could we ask for?”

“I… I don’t deserve you guys. “Amber cried tears of gratitude.

Phuckdis patted Amber’s back in apology. “It was wrong of me to ask you to kill your own father, Lady Amber… If you never forgive me, I understand. And we really didn’t lose as many as you think. With an army of our size, there’s bound to be a few who disagree with you.”

“I’m sorry, too,” William admitted. “No matter the circumstances, it was wrong for me to lash out at you like that.”

“My daughter…” Rex hugged Amber with one arm. “We really will save your father this time. This army couldn’t ask for a more capable, talented, and smarter leader.”

“Papa… Thank you for giving me my confidence back.”

“No problem. You’re the one who- Ah…” A strong, painful contraction suddenly hit Rex, ending the light mood in the room as quickly as it began.

“What’s wrong?” Amber started to panic when Rex curled up into a ball.

“Cramping… It… hurts…” Rex cried as his gut felt like it was being run through a vice-grip. He felt like he had an enormous amount of gas that wouldn’t come out, no matter how hard he tried.

Mai looked worried. “I think he’s going into labour!”

“But… He’s still two months early!” Phuckdis exclaimed as the army ran amuck. “Damn that Watda! He did this!”

“If something happens to Lady Amber, I’ll kill him myself!” William proclaimed.

“Panicking about it isn’t going to solve anything! We need to do something!” Joey hoisted Rex onto his back. “I’m taking him to the on-campus doctor!”

“Then… I guess the meeting is over?” Phuckdis laughed halfheartedly.

“Haha…” Joey ran up to the stairs, as the elevators were either under maintenance, or full.

“It’s really mean to be laughing at someone who’s in pain, ya bozo. Ggh…” Rex groaned.

“I’m just thinking of how Tristan and I took turns carrying you after you lost your soul to the Orichalcos.”

“I don’t think this is the time to be reminiscing about dark shit, Joey!”

“Sorry, sorry… I just thought I’d lighten the mood. I wanted to apologize for that time and help you out, you know?” Joey switched Rex to a princess-style carry and looked him tenderly in the eyes. “That’s what bros are for, Rexy.”

“‘Bros…?’” With just that one word, any remaining hate Rex might have had for this once-bitter rival had dissipated. Looking at how far he had come in his relationships with Espa and Mokuba, it did his heart good to see an even bigger change with Joey. Such heartwarming thoughts were almost enough to numb the pain of early labour. “Aye, I could go for that.”

He continued to smile as Joey presented him before Dr. Balls. “Oh my gods, what happened to him?” Dr. Balls sounded exasperated.

“He got-”

“Never mind, you can explain later!” Two of Dr. Balls’ nurses swiftly brought a stretcher over. “We’ll take a look at him.”

“Rex…” Joey paced around.

Amber called her grandparents. “Grandma, come quick! Something bad happened to Papa!” When she completed that phone call, Amber paced around as well until she noticed Joey’s presence. “...You.”

“Look, Amber, I know what you’re going to say.” Joey ran a nervous hand through his puffy blond hair. “‘You shouldn’t have touched Papa.’ But I couldn’t just leave Rex there, writhing in pain.”

“...Humph. Even I know to give gratitude when and where it is due. Dr. Balls came out of the E.R. thirty minutes later. “Doc, how is he?”

“Come this way.” Dr. Balls led Joey and Amber to Rex’s room. “He experienced Braxton Hicks contractions, not true labour. Although from how he acted, they were unusually intense… It’s strange to me.”

“It’s because he was captured and tortured last week,” Joey remarked, trying not to mention anything about the Earthbound Gods. “And, uh… Yeah, we filed a police report. We still don’t know who did this to him.”

“It’s a miracle, then, that the both of them are going to be okay. However, he will need to remain wheelchair-bound for a few weeks to recuperate from the damage he suffered. I’ll leave you guys be, then, and come back once his parents get here.”

“...” Amber’s eyes darted around the room, and she hoped her grandparents would arrive soon. She fumbled with the light switch, the medical supplies, the random pamphlets on diabetes and other diseases. Anything to distract her from the man that caused both of her parents immense suffering. She even thought about faking sudden illness just to get out of there. Just her luck she was as healthy and happy as a clam.

Joey knew Amber wouldn’t say a word to him, but he didn’t like the silence in the room. “So… uh… Before all the crazy stuff happened, what was your future like?”

“What?” Amber raised an eyebrow. “Where did that come from?”

“I’m just curious… Well… Don’t feel like you have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” Joey looked back at Rex. “I can tell in your 16 years that you’ve seen and felt more pain than I have in my 20 years.”

“Trying to make small talk, eh?” To Joey’s surprise, Amber relaxed her tone of voice. “Fine, I could humour you. My life isn’t all blood and guts, you know.”

“Ah, that’s good to hear.”

“Well, to begin… Papa and Daddy were the best duelists in Domino City, and even though they were a lot nicer than they are now, they still liked to cause shenanigans. One time, when they were both done with teaching classes for the day, they went to the bathroom and wrote ‘this shit could sand wood’ on every single roll of toilet paper. At 35 years old!” Amber got more enthralled in her own tale, recalling the pranks her parents pulled off, even as fully-grown adults. “A-And another time, Papa taped a remote-controlled fart machine to the bottom of a seat of a misbehaving kid. And Daddy hid his phone in a closet, then his phone went off in class. His ringtone was the Diarrhea Song! And they never got caught! Of course, I kind of took after that myself, hehe.”

“Some duelists never change. Hahaha! And I just love how happy you are, talking about your parents that way.” Joey couldn’t bring himself to ask who he’d ultimately end up with. “But what about me? Do I… uh…”

“You were a professional duelist who would regularly donate to and volunteer at charities… when you were not spending time with your wife and kids.”

“I had a wife? Is she…”

Amber winked. “You betcha. Your oldest son was exactly like you, too - and one hell of a guitarist to boot. He was somehow even more of a flirt than those other two friends of yours! He would ‘fall madly in love’ with just about any guy who gave him a compliment… that was until one day, he fell in love for real, with a young male dancer. It turns out that that dancer happened to be my little brother.”

“My son ends up with Rex’s son? That’s… weird. But I like it.”

“Well, I for one didn’t like it when I found out they were together, and you can guess why. But…” Amber’s story quickly began to take a dark turn. “But when Daddy went berserk and started killing innocent people, you were the first one to fight back… You were the first one to die. And your son ended up dying trying to protect my brother. I had to admit that I still had disdain for you before all of that… But after seeing what you’ve been doing for Papa lately… I…”

“So you guys are friends now.”

Rex’s abrupt voice made Amber jump. “Papa! You didn’t hear any of that, did you?”

“Oh, I did. Every single word. So I become a professor, even though I’m dumb as a bag of rocks. And… It’s good to know that I’ll carry another precious life one day.”

“W-Well…”

“I know.” Joey got up and patted Amber’s shoulder. “Even after you saved my life, you still hate me. Thank you for that, by the way.”

“...You’re all right, I guess,” Amber managed.

“I think I’ll settle for ‘all right.” Hehehehe!” Joey ruffled Amber’s hair.

“Humph. And I’d confess to Mai soon, if I were you. Or who knows, Valon just might end up being the father of her kids instead.”

“Okay, you’ve definitely convinced me!” Joey made his signature face, creeping out Rex a bit. “When I see her next, I’m going to let her know how I feel!”

“Let who know?” Ptera spoke as she opened the door, with Tricera, Spinos, Adelaide, and Camellia behind her.

“Grandma, you shouldn’t be eavesdropping.”

“I don’t think that seeing my son after he nearly died is considered eavesdropping!” Ptera cried as she hugged Rex. “It’s as I feared. Those monsters are trying to kill my poor baby boy!”

“Mom, I’m gonna be fine. Sheesh.”

“You better be. I would love to give you my famous ginger tea again!”

“Is that the only reason you want to have a grandson?”

“N-No!”

As Ptera teased her son, Dr. Balls came in. “Mrs. Raptor… I regret to inform you that because the damage to Rex’s body is so extensive, he’ll need to stay in a wheelchair for three weeks. But both he and baby will be fine after that.”

“Thank you so much, Doc.” Ptera took Rex’s laptop out of his bag and shook it lightly. “And I’ll see to it that my son still gets his homework done.”

“I’m already caught up on my assignments so far.” Rex took the laptop out and placed it on the small table in front of him. He scanned his class pages and combed through every assignment, making sure that each was thoroughly filled out.

“What about your PowerPoint presentation for biology class?” Ptera raised an eyebrow. “Did you remember your Works Cited slide for that?”

“Yeah, Mom. I’m 100% positive-” Rex stopped scanning his computer when he noticed that one of his assignments for ancient history class wasn’t turned in yet - or even started. “Uuuuh, not. I haven’t even started researching for my essay for Dad’s class.”

“And when is it due?”

“Next week…?” Rex laughed sheepishly.

“ Ay, dios mío, mi hijo. ” Ptera facepalmed. “What do you need to research?”

“It’s about ancient Egypt, actually. We need to go to a museum with an ancient Egyptian exhibit, pick an artifact there, and write a 1000-word report about it.”

This assignment’s description reminded Joey of his own visit to the museum, the one in which he learned the true identity of the Millennium Puzzle’s spirit. He thought, too, of Pharaoh Atem and the War of the Dark One - a war to restore the peace of ancient Egypt. Joey spared a prayer for that peace to last, and for the well-being of his rival, Kaiba.

“Joey, you’re spacing out.” Rex looked up from his laptop.

“Wah…?” Joey snapped back to reality. “Sorry, I was just thinking about stuff.”

“Wait, you’ve hung out with Yugi and Atem, haven’t you? You know a lot about the museum?”

“Yeah. Maybe I can help with your assignment.”

“Really?” Rex pressed the call button on his hospital bed. “Can we go now, then?”

“Right now? Are you crazy? But you’re-”

Dr. Balls came in with a wheelchair. “Actually, you’re okay to leave every so often. Just as long as you remain in this wheelchair when you’re out. And don’t spend more than two hours out there, got it?”

“Let’s gooooo!” Rex had a burst of energy, that was until his giant baby bump caused him to slump forward and nearly fall to the ground. “Fucking OW!”

“Easy man, easy… Here, I got you. Up you get.” Joey helped Rex into the wheelchair.

“Joey…” Ptera couldn’t believe that the man who beat her son - twice - with no relent could be so kind to him. “Are you sure you want to do this? I’m sure you’ve got duels to win… Other poor mother’s sons to pummel…”

“Mrs. Raptor.” Joey looked at Ptera sincerely before he turned to leave the room. “I know I have hurt you and your son. I might not be able to earn your forgiveness, but that’s not going to stop me from wanting to do right by him.”

“Oh…” For the briefest second, Ptera’s expression went blank.

“Mrs. Raptor?

“Ah, you’re too serious sometimes.” Ptera patted Joey on the shoulder. “It’s okay to be a chucklehead like Rex, you know.”

“Hey, I don’t want him to be like me! ...Wait, who you callin’ a chucklehead?”

“Come on, Rex, go do your homework.” Ptera waved off Joey, cuing him to take Rex out of the building.

Rex turned to Amber while the trio made their not-so-far trip. “Say, Amber, you’ve done the essay, haven’t you? Can’t I just copy yours and change the words a little bit?

“How ass-backwards is that? You should be the one helping me!” Amber stuck her tongue out. “What a role model of a mother you are!”

“Pfft…” Joey stopped right after they entered the museum.

“Oh, put a sock in it.” Amber smacked Joey in the middle of the back.

“Oww, sorry, sorry! It’s just…” Joey stopped laughing all of a sudden. “The last time I saw my mother was right before my sister’s eye operation, about three years ago. And I don’t even remember the last time I saw my father. I just… wish I could have been as close-knit with them as you guys are.”

“Joey?” Rex turned his head around. “You cryin’, man?”

“N-No!” Joey tried to deny it, as he had not cried since his loss to Siegfried at KC Grand Prix.

“Um…” Not knowing what else to do, Amber reluctantly patted Joey on the back. “Well, uh… For what it’s worth, you’ve got your sister, and us. And your dueling skills!”

“ Especially the dueling skills,” Rex noted with a groan as they moved to a much longer corridor. “I swear, you must have dueled every schmuck in Domino City.”

“Yeah… I just wish I could have dueled Atem one more time.” Joey never thought he would have uttered the name of the pharaoh again. He never would have thought the memories of his quest to truly earn Red-Eyes Black Dragon back would re-enter his mind, and his desire to defeat Atem in order to attain that goal. Entering the ancient Egyptian exhibit in which he learned of the pharaoh’s true identity brought even more nostalgia. “That reminds me. Rex, did you know that Duel Monsters originated from ancient Egypt?”

“I kind of figured it out during my duel with Bandit King Bakura.” Rex didn’t want to think of that fateful, harrowing duel - but the stone tablet that stood before him had other plans. “It’s… It’s that giant rock!”

Joey remembered the stone tablet too. Three monsters that vaguely resembled Blue-Eyes Shining Dragon, Creepy Coney, and Earthbound God Uru adorned it. “Brings back memories.”

“What kind of memories?” Amber wanted to know.

“Oh, I must have never told you in the future, then,” Rex began. “When your father and I time travelled, we had to duel this really creepy guy named Bakura. That was when we first learned that we had ancient Egyptian selves, and of Weeves’ ability to transform into an all-powerful god. We lost our souls four the fourth time… that was until Kaiba brought us back with his amazing dueling skills.”

“I would certainly have liked to meet him.” Amber looked upon the stone tablet. “He’s my cousin once-removed, you know.”

“Kaiba…” Rex reached out a hand for the glass protecting the stone tablet. “I really wish I could have dueled you again.”

No sooner had Rex’s fingertips touched the glass when he heard a voice speak in his head. Hu…

Rabbit stew…

You guys have to save Weevil from himself...

“Bakura… Kaiba… Atem… Is that you?”

“Papa, what is it?”

“You mean… You guys didn’t hear those voices just now?”

“I didn’t hear nothin’,” spoke Joey. “Could be that you’re hallucinating because of the pregnancy.”

“Maybe… At any rate, I know what I’m going to do my essay on. In fact, I already know a lot about this artifact! The essay is going to be a piece of cake!”

“Oh!” Amber noticed another tablet right next to it - one with a rough figure with dragon wings and a tail. “Papa, this is the one I did my report on.”

“Yeah? How come?”

“Because it reminds me a lot of a legend from my future. Our chief god is called the God-Shattering Star. He is said to be of ancient Egyptian origin and has purged the world of evil once.”

“That sounds familiar…” Rex recalled the final fight against Zorc, and it quickly registered who this god was. “It must be Kaiba!”

“Are you certain? I didn’t know he was a shifter!”

“Have I ever steered you wrong?” Rex made finger guns at Amber.

“Why, yes,” Joey quipped.

“Ah, shaddup. I think I’ve seen enough giant rocks for today. Take me out of here so I can get on that essay, before Mom and Dr. Balls get mad at me.”

“Yes, Your Majesty.”

With that, the trio left the museum - and for Rex, he had more questions than answers.

#yugioh #ygo #shrimpshipping #mpreg #fanfiction #I am so proud of myself for finally writing this chapter

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dear--charlie · 7 years

Text

Dear Charlie,

From time to time,some specific thoughts wind in my head, the fuck’n hallucination, thoughts that give me an eager ergue to relieve, let it go, make it stop, what ever you want to call it; And if I had a gun in a moment of complete despair, I swear I would relieve my self with thinking twice. In some point I’m might devolve a diabetes due to all the sweets I’ve been eating, but, everybody has an addiction, right? My friend smokes a lot, I’m kind of worried, he also thrives towards suicide, I want to help him, but, I’m somewhat as messed up as him; The smoke from his cigarette fills my lungs, and I feel the relieve, I feel like I can breath, yet, I’m trying really hard not to smoke, because something in my head always screams “NO!”; and I’m glad it does that for me. I also feel guilt, I would say I’m part of what of troubles my friend’s mind, and I’m not proud of it, but, he is also part of what troubles my mind, yet, I don’t want to blame him, I guess It’s both of our faults; The idea of failure also bugs me, I can feel my family’s pressure from far way, and when I want to slack off a bit, the distant pressure gets stronger, and it surrounds me, surrounds my thoughts, my acts, I feel it, the god damn pressure. I guess I just hate it when people expect something from me, because I worry to much if I will live up to their expectations, or just fail. Because I’m a failure. As much as it hurts to say that, deep down I know it’s true, I hear people saying all the time, and the more it’s said the more it becomes true. And I don’t know how much more of this life I can take. I feel like by the next time will just be the end of it, so it won’t have any other next time after that, it will just be the last time; I need help, I need someone to talk to, and I don’t have either.

Love Always :D

#dear charlie

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pegasusmoose · 7 years

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My Coffe-dense.

I am a coffee addict.

There, I said it, Hell! I’m even drinking coffee as I type this. You see, coffee has been there for me more than anyone or anything, it has accompanied me through thick and thin, and now I wish to repay it for its unforgettable presence in all its unique forms, from my own shitty sweet coffee (which people would call ‘diabetes in a cup’), to my mom’s regular coffee (which I prefer to call heavenly rather than just regular). All the way to the espressos from the coffee machines in my college.

I would like to go through the situations that coffee had been there with me for, it would be useless to actually talk about the coffee itself, because it was just there, present, in a cup, lifted from time to time, and gradually drained by my dry miserable lips. However, that mere presence, has had an enormous sentimental value to me, which I have neglected for the longest.

My addiction journey with coffee, began in last year’s baccalaureates exam, I was extremely behind schedule, and I had to go through what us students like to call: “white nights”. It’s referred to by such a name, because of the lack of darkness, which is sleep, get it? Are you still with me? (I’ll assume you’ve said yes) Good, moving on!

This said darkness, was replaced by another. Coffee! The heavenly dark liquid that strikes the mouth with its strong taste, and strikes the body with sufficient energy to stay up all night and revise a whole semester of physics. (PS: I FUCKING HATE PHYSICS, glad we got that out, such a relief)

So yes, physics was a hard subject for me, I was tired, drained and sleepy, and coffee was there for me. It helped me stay up all night, revise the fuck out of physics, and getting a 17 out of 20 in the exam. And all thanks to coffee, it was the gravitational force that drove me towards success. (Yes that was a metaphor about physics, in your face Newton).

At this point of the story, you’re probably thinking to yourself: “oh my god, why am I reading this boring story about this guy and coffee? I don’t even like coffee, I should do something productive in my life, I hate myself…etc etc” I don’t know, something along those lines.

BUT HOLD THE F’ UP, SIT DOWN AND BUCKLE UP, it’s about to take a turn.

In that same year, I was in love, deeply, passionately, out of my mind, and at the end of the year, I got rejected, and that broke my heart.

“What does this have to do with coffee?” you would dare say.

Well if you would just shut up ‘imaginary you’ and let me finish, then we’d get somewhere.

In that summer, I hated my whole existence, I couldn’t write, read, play, go outside, nothing. Just void and pain. And here’s how coffee plays into this, I started suffering from insomnia and chronic chest pains, and thus I started drinking coffee.

“Wouldn’t that be very illogical? I mean you already suffer from insomnia, why make it by coffee? And coffee could have serious repercussions on those chest pains you have I would assume.”

Good point ‘imaginary you’, it did make me worse physically, but psychologically it was just the thing I needed. I’ve spoken earlier about the presence of the coffee, I didn’t say much about the taste, the effects, sure it helped and I liked the taste, but that’s not what’s important. What matters was it was there, always, whatever I was going through, in a cup, next to me, never left, never rejected me, it was as much of a person to me, as you are ‘imaginary you’, it helped me not be lonely, and damn was I lonely.

Coffee never presented itself only when it needed me, it never betrayed me, and it didn’t let me question its love for me. (Sure it’s not a living thing, but are any of you? getting deep here, aren’t we? I told you to buckle up)

Fall surely fell upon me as always, dragging with it, the dreadful and tiring start of a new school year, only this time, it wasn’t just school, it was more than that…COLLEGE!

Yes, that name fall down upon my self-confidence, like the slamming of a coffee cup upon a wooden table in a moment of anger (or just dreadfulness), or the sound of a name I held dear to my heart upon my ears.

It was frightening, but I did well again, all thanks to…I’ll let you guess *wink*

When it came to grades, no problem, well not exactly, I had problems actually, those dreadful white nights a day before the exam, because I barely studied all semester. But you get what I mean, I got decent grades, and coffee helped. That’s just evident by this point in the story.

But here’s where it helped as well, it helped me get out of sight, it helped me get some confidence.

“But how?” ‘Imaginary you’ asks.

Well I certainly had confidence issues, and social anxiety. (I thought you should know ‘imaginary you’ in this point of our relationship)

Whenever I felt uncomfortable, or as if I’m being looked at by others, which was mostly just me being paranoid as usual, but still I found an escape, the coffee machines.

Those beautiful work of art and machinery were installed in out college campus in October or so, and my life was never the same again. If I needed to get out of a group when I felt uncomfortable, coffee. If the conversation went stale and awkward, a simple “Hey, do you want to get some coffee?” would be a life savior. If life was getting hectic by family issues or my own mental health, which are topics that even Brazil’s stock of coffee beans wouldn’t help me be comfortable enough to tell you, I would just head involuntarily to the coffee machine, and hit that “extra sugar” and “Cacao” buttons so hard, that my problems just disappear for the moment while I wait for my hot drink.

But then the old tales of “Cacao” started to fade away, because I fell in love, and that meant I needed something stronger, thus “Espresso” placed itself slowly into my routine.

I had to pay 10 Dinars less, for something that was worth a million dollars in value to me, when it came to emotional support.

Around January, I became delegate of my class, because I felt it would beneficial to my self-confidence, WRONG! I was petrified, every time a student came up to me asking questions, or having to talk to a professor, I just lost it, I tuck my hands in my pockets as a sign of weakness and fear, already becoming a meal for my predator, and I start looking everywhere except for the person I have to actually talk to.

I was WEAK! I still am, not as much, but still, and coffee helped again, those golden goblets of feeble plastic that was slightly stronger than my self-confidence and not as transparent as my personality, filled with a small amount of strong, bitter, espresso shots, once were held in my hand, I felt infinitely stronger, and my confidence was ultimately increased.

“ATLAS MIGHT BE HOLDING THE WORLD, BUT I, I HOLD AN ESPRESSO”

“WARRIORS HAD SHIELDS, I HAVE MY 30 DINARS ESPRESSO”

My thoughts were basically that, childish? Maybe, true? Fuck yes.

And with the help of coffee, yet again, I became more confident, I did a decent job as a delegate, I helped people, I was liked, I was called nice multiple times by multiple people, which meant the world to me.

I also made moves on a girl I really liked, she was amazing, her smile, her eyes, and her whole existence basically. I was in awe of her, and things went well at first, of course they always do, although they were difficult, like the first hot and bitter sips of coffee, but I fought on, I thought I had a shot, and then it happened.

“WHAT? What happened? Did you spill coffee on her? Did she spill coffee on you?”

No really, ‘imaginary you’.

I happened, yours truly, I had my chance and I didn’t take it, I didn’t tell her, or maybe I did, but in the worst way ever, and I regret that to this day, because I had a shot at happiness, and I let it slip away. Was it coffee’s fault? If not, where was coffee to save the day?

Well the answer is: it’s all lies.

These coffee stories and extravaganzas, they’re not all lies, these events all happened, what I mean is my relationship with coffee is all a lie, an excuse if you will, to justify my weakness, my fear, and my sadness, and even now I used coffee as an excuse, an excuse to let loose, to speak out a bit, to say the things I’m afraid to say, to tell someone I really love them.

This whole bullshit of a story has more to do with me, and nothing to do with coffee.

I apologize for leading you on.

#story #confidence #coffee #my writing

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rannadylin · 7 years

Text

Time for a questionnaire meme

Tagged by @fangmich and it’s been a while since I did one of these so…why not!

Also I was just starting to type up my answers to these last night when a crazy thunderstorm hit and the power went out for over four hours. :-( Then this morning the internet was still out for a couple of hours after I got up, more aftereffects of the storm no doubt. So I might be tempting fate by again attempting to answer these but here we go anyway!

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people.

LAST:

1. Drink: Durance’s tea blend, Magran’s Fire! (Yesterday it was Eder’s Sun God Cider and it would have also been Kana’s Rauatai Sweet Pie but I am almost out of that because it’s so good. I have a reorder of it coming today, if the tracking info is correct…) 2. Phone call: Frontier support to report my internet being out. :-( (Fortunately I got a very nice customer service lady who took care of everything more swiftly than expected, and hey, internet’s back now!) 3. Text message: to my mother telling her I might be visiting her today if the internet didn’t come back on… 4. Song you listened to: Technically the Pillars of Eternity soundtrack while playing the game yesterday, but if we’re not counting that…my local radio station does this thing they call Bluegrass Wednesday where they play I Saw the Light to wake us all up on Wednesday mornings and that was going on while I drove to the grocery store. This week they played two versions and asked callers to vote – David Crowder which they usually use, and the original Hank Williams Sr version. 5. Time you cried: Probably at church? I tear up a lot at certain songs. Although usually not when I’m one of the ones playing them, so it would be one of the Sundays that the youth group worship team led the songs instead of Team Pastor’s Family (i.e. my mom on piano, my sister on drums, me on flute, plus an organist and some singers unrelated to us, plus my dad, the pastor, usually singing also).

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: I have not really dated someone once unless we count going steady in junior high and when you’re too young to actually go out somewhere with the boyfriend, I’m not counting it… 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: I’ve kissed no one, so, nope 8. Been cheated on: This is also beyond my experience 9. Lost someone special: Oh certainly. Two grandparents so far, and a few years ago a very dear friend who wasn’t a teacher, yet was a sort of teaching mentor to me in our state JCL (Latin club!). Here we are getting ready for the annual trip to JCL convention in a week (!!!) and it still hits me once in a while, when I see the state t-shirt from the last convention trip he was here for and so on. 10. Been depressed: I am fortunate to have not had to deal with clinical depression. Life has its ups and downs (getting diagnosed with diabetes five years ago was one of the lows for sure…) but I’ve never felt hopeless, stuck in a low that would never improve. Honestly my faith is a big part of this – God is my hope and comfort when life is overwhelming. 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Alcohol, like dating, is beyond my experience. This is what life is when you grow up as a pastor’s kid with a pretty much lawful good alignment in RL. :-D

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12-14: PURPLE AND GOLD! Well, that’s JCL colors, anyway. Purple is one of my favorites, also dark green, and…for a third…well I think I have more handknit socks in the blue range than anything? I am very mardi gras here.

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: Sure! Mind you, I don’t tend to form deep friendships very often but I do form firendly acquaintances pretty easily. I’ve made friends on tumblr and with some Latin teachers I met at the conference I went to last month. 16. Fallen out of love: Not really sure I’ve ever really fallen in; see above re: dating. Crushes and falling out of crushes, certainly. 17. Laughed until you cried: I’m sure I have? Probably at family gatherings. I have goofy relatives. 18. Found out someone was talking about you: Hello, I teach high schoolers? They are always talking about me. I usually assume there’s a base level of complaining about grades or discipline going on (some of which the offended student makes sure I can hear, yay), but I’ve also been pleasantly surprised by people (a fellow teacher as well as friends of current students) in the past year telling me they’ve heard good things about my teaching. (Current students’ friends who said so are taking my class next year, I think…Yay!) 19. Met someone who changed you: Sure. E.g. I’ve grown a lot more confident from hanging out with my very outgoing (and bossy :-D) best friend (and fellow teacher until we both left that school within the last few years… 20. Found out who your friends are: I am not at all sure what this is asking. 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: Nope, see above re: dating

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: I don’t generally make or accept friend requests unless I already know the person. Some are just acquaintances through work or the network of Latin teachers, or former students who were on trips to JCL convention with our group, etc. so I don’t often see them in person, but there’s only a handful I haven’t actually met at some point. 23. Do you have any pets: Alas, no, the apartment complex doesn’t allow pets. I had a cat at my last place but she went to live with my parents and she’s more my Dad’s pet than mine now. 24. Do you want to change your name: In true Anne Shirley fashion? :-) I used to be less content with my name than I am now. Now, I’m like whatever. 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: Taught? Probably? Was it even a weekday? 26. What time did you wake up: Around 7 today, eager to see if the power had come back on (it had!) and also the internet (it hadn’t!) 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Finally asleep by then, I think, after hours of waiting for power to come back on. 28. Name something you can’t wait for: Deadfire (Gotta agree with you on this one, @fangmich!) 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: On the way home from family trip to see Grandma on Monday 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: Not being diabetic would be swell! 31. What are you listening to right now: Silence 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Had a great student by that name years ago. 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: It was the lack of internet but now we’re good. Students interrupting class will ALWAYS get on my nerves though… 34. Most visited website: Definitely tumblr these days.

RANDOM INFO:

35. Mole/s: Nope 36. Mark/s: A few stray freckles? 37. Childhood dream: Teacher. Or writer. Went with the first, now I don’t have time to professionally pursue the second! 38. Hair color: Brown and ridiculously curly. Yes, curly is a color. 39. Long or short hair: Long 41. What do you like about yourself: I might actually sound pretty arrogant if I seriously started listing things. I’m just a “look on the bright side” sort of person and I like a lot of things about myself as an active choice. *shrug* Most of the things I’d list have to do with creativity – writing, knitting, fluting. 42. Piercings: None 43. Blood type: You know I should actually know this by now, huh? I know my most recent A1C (6.4, not bad for diabetic) but have no idea my blood type. 44. Nickname: Besides forms of my actual name? Well, students call me Magistra… (Latin for teacher) 45. Relationship status: Confirmed Old Maid :-) 46. Zodiac: Virgo 47. Pronouns: she/her (but actually I’m pretty fond of ipsa, and eadem gives me headaches as it does all Latin students…sorry sorry, I know this question is about gender but I see “pronouns” and I think of grammar and those chapters that throw all of the pronouns at the kids at once so we call it the Death By Pronouns unit...Look y’all, I’m female but also a grammarian. That’s right, my gender is Grammarian.) 48. Favorite TV Show: Don’t have an actual TV so I watch things on the Internet. Does Critical Role count? If not, I’ve also watched Doctor Who recently. 49. Tattoos: None 50. Right or left hand: Right 51. Surgery: Had a pilonidal cyst removed in my teens. 52. Hair dyed in different color: Never. I do not mess with my hair. The curls would take revenge. 53. Sport: Marching Band totally counts and apart from that I am the least sporty of humans. 55. Vacation: Would love to spend it in Italy more often (yay Latin teaching perks) if I can get enough students to go. Otherwise – JCL convention! And other school-related trips… 56. Pair of trainers: Skechers? Does that count?

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: Like right now? I…had a muffin and yogurt and strawberries for breakfast? Lunch is TBD. 58. Drinking: I am a water drinker (so I guess I don’t write poetry) but also, lots of tea! And recently I have started drinking coffee (gasp!) because Mom has been providing coffee & breakfast for our Sunday School class and I enjoyed the coffee that first Sunday so I guess she has corrupted me now. 59. I’m about to: Catch up on everything I missed (tumblr, the Deadfire Q&A, etc.) while the internet was out. 61. Waiting for: My Adagio tea order with the rest of my Pillars of Eternity tea samples and a reorder of Kana’s and Iselmyr’s delicious blends! 62. Want: A teaching salary that makes it more likely I could afford to actually retire someday? 63. Get married: Used to assume I would, but see above re: Confirmed Old Maid – I’m content with being single, these days. A potential spouse would have to be pretty awesome to outweigh how fond I’ve grown of my solitude. 64. Career: I’m content with classroom teaching, most of the time. Not really interested in administration. Doubtful I could make a living as a writer, especially with my insurance needs nowadays. In my first teaching job, I was certain I’d be there till I retired. Then they had budget cuts and I had to switch schools if I wanted (I did!) to keep teaching Latin. Second job was burnout waiting to happen – after five years I switched to my current school, and once again I could see myself retiring here. If, of course, my deadbeat pancreas and I can afford that.

WHICH IS BETTER:

65. Hugs or kisses: Hugs have a wider appeal, but see above re: dating/kissing status, so I’m not really one to speak to this 66. Lips or eyes: Eyes 67. Shorter or taller: Shorter, I guess, for I am short and am not really as amused by height differences as most of tumblr appears to be? 68. Older or younger: At my age I’m not sure it matters so much 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: WELL you know that post celebrating Aloth’s arms… 71. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive. Loud would totally fail to outweigh my fondness of solitude. Introvert here needs her quiet time, please. 72. Hook up or relationship: Relationship 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: Hesitant, I guess?

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a Stranger: No 75. Drank hard liquor: No 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: In all my years of glasses…probably? Not that I recall? 77. Turned someone down: Yes 78. Sex on the first date: Wouldn’t if given the opportunity 79. Broken someone’s heart: Unlikely 80. Had your heart broken: My heart has generally avoided the risks that would lead to breaking, see above re: Old Maid 81. Been arrested: No 82. Cried when someone died: Of course 83. Fallen for a friend: …Temporarily? Never went anywhere

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself: To an extent – I mean, I know my limits. 85. Miracles: Absolutely 86. Love at first sight: Not my style but I’m sure it happens 87. Santa Claus: I like stories but I know they’re stories… 88. Kiss on the first date: Probably not

OTHER:

90. Current best friend name: Amanda! (Which is Latin for She Who Must Be Loved and it’s true) 91. Eye color: I’d like to say Grey but I think they’re more of greyish Blue. 92. Favorite movie: Star Wars. Or The Princess Bride. Or Lord of the Rings.

I’m going to just leave this with an open tag instead of naming anyone. If you want to answer these, go for it and tag me so I can get to know you better too!

#from the desk of ranna #memes

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ecotone99 · 4 years

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[SP] Season's Greetings

With a ping the oven timer finished, interrupting the singer crooning on the radio, an old woman appeared in the kitchen drying her hands on a festive apron. Her light grey hair was in a style so old that it had started to come back into fashion and her face and general complexion was one of a doting grandmother. She took two trays out of the oven full of gingerbread, once these were put down more trays of raw cookies appeared in her hands and were put into the oven. The sides in the kitchen were cluttered high with various festive treats both sweat and savoury, every country in the world seemed to be represented. A knock at the front door distracted her from the pastry she was now rolling out, she moved not slowly but with the steady determination of someone who knew that there was no point rushing around in life. Not long before she reached it there was more impatient knocking at the door.

She opened the door onto a woman with straight hair as black as the night, she was wearing a skimpy set of fur lined winter clothes, somewhere between a sexy Santa outfit and ski wear. However, she was bent over supporting an unconscious man, whom was far better dressed.

‘Ah, Halley it’s nice to see you again I was wonder…’ She started before drifting off when she noticed the man.

‘Winny, no time for pleasantry I really need your help.’ Halley said gesturing with the man and without saying anymore she hauled him in through the door. ‘Can you get my bags, please.’

‘What have you done now?’ Winny asked after wheeling through some suitcases and shutting the door.

‘I found him half buried in the snow on my way up here, I don’t think he’s dead yet, but the weather is getting worse and I just didn’t know how much longer he had.’ She answered while repositioning her hold on him.

‘Very well, we will see what we can do, he can go in the downstairs spare room for a start.’ She said as she helped Halley in supporting the man.

‘Thanks.’ Halley breathed as the set off through the log house dragging the man with them.

‘I must ask why your wearing that getup my child its not good for the snow.’

‘Do not start with my clothes.’ Halley said through gritted teeth, in a tone that gave the distinct impression that if Winny wanted any more help moving the man the conversation should change. Instead they continued their journey in silence.

In the spare room they had him laid out on the bed, he was middle aged with dark hair and stubble, but otherwise unremarkable. Winny had produced an antiquated home healthcare book from somewhere and was now consulting it.

‘Right, we need to start by checking his pulse.’ Winny said closing the book and passing it to Halley. She felt around his wrist and neck looking for one. ‘Oh, drat I never was very good at these things.’

‘Why don’t you just check him the other way?’ Halley asked as she started to pace up and down.

‘You know I’d forgotten I could do that.’ She said and now put her hands on his heart and head.

‘How is he?’

‘Hold on. He is still here just very faint.’

‘Can you bring him back?’

‘I’ll try.’

Winny’s hands tensed as she threw her head back. The air in the room became heavy with the scent of mixed spices and alcohol, while the faint tinkling of sleigh bells and the long drawn out note of a choir emanated from her mouth. Her wrinkled skin tightened showing the intricate pattern of veins and arteries, with this they appeared to have some ethereal smoke flowing through them into her hands. Just a quickly as it started it finished and the room returned to normal.

‘That should do it.’ Winny said withdrawing her hands and rubbing her back. ‘Oh, that has set off my sciatica though. I knew that would.’

‘Will he be alright?’

‘I think so, I’d give him a few hours to rest then he should wake up. He reminds me of my late husband you know.’ She said while turning the man’s face around in her hands

‘Honey, every man reminds you of your late or ex-husband. Depending on which one you can decide on. Or on the odd occasion your son, again your memory of him changes with your mood and time of day.’

‘Uh it is getting to close to my season, it comes earlier every year, you know the grip on reality gets weaker the more they focus.’ Said Winny while she rubbed her forehead and turned to leave.

‘I know, but then it is only the 8th of November. Well we will treat this as your last anchorage till January.’ Consoled Halley as she followed Winny out of the room.

Halley joined Winny in the kitchen after changing into a more conservative turtle neck jumper and set of trousers.

‘You look a lot better now, it suits you more than what you were wearing.’ Said Winny looking up from a fish she was preparing.

‘These will end up looking the same by the end of the day. It happens to all my clothes in the end, thankfully in a few weeks it will calm down and take a whole month to ruin them. But it is the curse of my season where everyone seems to feel that women should dress in the most revealing clothes possible that have a scary theme.’

‘We all carry our curses, I just wish they weren’t so visible. Would you like something to eat or drink?’ Winny asked, gesturing to the food with her knife.

‘Umm… do you have anything savoury?’ Halley asked after looking round at the diabetic bed of sugared treats on display.

‘Oh, of course, here have a sausage roll.’ Winny proffered a plate of glazed sausage rolls, that appeared in her hand from thin air. Halley took and ate one whole.

‘OH God,’ Halley moaned after swallowing, she lent on the counter top for support. ‘Winny you are the only person I know who can make savoury food that doesn’t turn sweet in the mouth. I was getting sick of tasting sugar all the time and then the horrifying hint of pumpkin spice’ She shuddered.

‘I know where you’re coming from child. Personally, its chocolate and spirits I get stuck in my throat all the time.’ Winny said, transferring the fish into a tray.

‘Let’s not spend too much time on that topic, we’re here for a break from that. Have you seen anyone else since the last meet up?’ Halley asked.

‘Nobody’s visited me in o five years now.’ Winny said mournfully, she was now putting the fish inside the oven.

‘Oh, my dear you should have got hold of one of us. Me or Eve would have been able to come quickly.’ Halley put a hand on Winny’s shoulder, to provide comfort.

‘Don’t worry child, I go into the town once a week. They think of me as the kind old dear who lives in the mountain.’ While Winny perked her voice up for this her eyes still retained an immutable trace of sadness.

‘I saw Victor in July and Valentine the year before, but I haven’t seen Ray in a while, and I don’t think any of us has actually seen Eve in what must be a decade now. I’m getting very worried about her.’

‘The last I heard from her was that letter she sent out to us a couple of years ago. Maybe one of the others has seen her, we’ll ask them when they arrive, or Eve might turn up herself yet.’ Winny said gathering several plates full of snacks into her arms. ‘Get the napkins would you dear.’ She added as she left the kitchen.

Halley was helping Winny with the laying of cutlery at the dining table when a knock came at the front door again.

‘I’ll get it.’ Said Halley, finishing polishing a sauce spoon. She opened the door to a short man with greying hair. ‘Oh Victor, darling its lovely to see you again.’ She said hugging him and kissing his cheeks, the stench of tobacco and gunpowder poured out of his clothes.

‘Ah, mademoiselle Halley it is a pleasure as always.’ He said with a thick French accent, his breath was rich with rising alcoholic fumes. Halley helped him take his luggage to his room, before looking in on the man in the other spare room.

Winny found them in the Livingroom chatting.

‘Ah, Victor, I don’t suppose you’ve found someone lying half dead in the snow on your way up here too?’ She asked, carrying in more trays of food for the already groaning coffee table.

‘No, but Halley has been telling me all about it. How have you been anyway Winny?’

‘Oh, the same I’ve been keeping to myself you know the usual really and yourself?’

‘Excellently, I’ve had a busy year, my fourth of July was superb and Bastille day oh what a day. But, with the centenary of armistice coming up I am having a busy time in Europe on the whole these days.’

‘Sometimes I’m glad I don’t have some of your calendars. Just one month a year with a small booster in the middle that’s all I’ve needed.’ Winny said before turning to leave the room. There was a knocking at the front door again that made her rotate quickly to answer it.

At the door it was Ray, he appeared the same age as Winny, but he was taller and had a slight tan. There was a small puddle at his feet and drips of water were falling off the eves above him.

‘Winifred, my dear it has been such a long time.’ He said taking Winny’s icy hands and kissing them, his breath was so hot that it would have scolded a normal person.

‘A pleasure as always.’ She purred while his warmth spread pleasingly along her arms. ‘Do come on in and join the rest, at least before you melt anymore snow.’

Winny and ray walked arm in arm into the house, once the door shut behind them the puddle froze so fast that it cracked the porch and the light snow fall outside became a borderline blizzard.

‘I can’t wait to get out of these thick clothes and into my usual shirt and shorts, I’m burning up in here. But you know the perils of traveling incognito.’ Ray said unzipping his coat.

‘I wouldn’t know actually; I never travel that far. Anyway, you’re in my room as usual, all it leaves now is for Valentine and Eve to arrive. I’ll leave you with the others while I get some drinks.’ She said as they reached the Livingroom. As Ray walked in his outfit morphed itself into a Hawaiian t-shirt and cargo shorts.

‘Ray come join us we we’re speculating about the man I found in the snow.’ Halley said.

By the time Winny had returned with drinks, several glasses of wine and a two-litre jug of ice water, the conversation had moved on to Eve.

‘Well when I last saw Valentine, I shared some concerns with him, and he said that he’d check in on her.’ Halley said.

‘Why didn’t you go an visit her?’ Ray asked before taking a swig from the ice water jug.

‘I am now living in New York, I do three jobs a day to cover rent. Unlike the rest of you I can’t just make money appear in my hands all the time. Besides they don’t accept cash in hand these days.’ She ranted after a sip of wine. ‘Sorry that was a bit of pent up rage.’

‘Never mind, I’m sure that Valentine will be here shortly to tell us. Or you never know Eve may turn up before him.’ Victor said.

‘I doubt that.’ Winny started, as her face twisted in concentration. ‘Now that your all here I can sense him walking up the trail now and I can’t feel anymore of us in the area.’

‘Sometimes Winny you really know how to crush someone’s hopes.’ Halley said. ‘And anyway, the rest of you could have visited her yourselves. With the exception of Victor, we all appreciate how busy your calendar is darling.’ Victor gave a brief nod of acknowledgement while both Ray and Winny found other things in the room more deserving of there attention. They sat in a slightly awkward silence till there was another knock at the door.

‘I’d better go and let Valentine in.’ Said Winny.

Waiting for her at the door was a young man who could only be described in attractive terms, his face and build was hard to place but you’d swear you’d seen it modelling some clothes, or something that required him shirtless, or was it in a perfume commercial? Either way he made Winny wish she was back in her 20’s and a tighter dress.

‘Oh. Hi Winny.’ He said nervously but with an endearing cuteness to it. ‘Err can I come in?’

‘Umm…. Of course, yes, Valentine.’ She said after shaking herself out of mentally undressing him. As he walked inside every movement he made was like a great pose that enhanced his features, Winny had to hold herself back from just touching him.

‘Is anyone else here yet?’

‘Yes, everyone apart from Eve.’

‘Ah, I should go and see everyone then.’ He said taking his coat off in doing so a brief glimpse of skin from his torso became visible, Winny found herself twisting her apron with her hands in repression at this. She soon found herself with just the hint of Valentines cologne for company in the hallway.

When he arrived in the Livingroom Halley immediately sat up and made space next to her for Valentine on the sofa, by this point her jumper had gained a low V neck. As he joined her Winny drifted through the door behind him with misty eyes.

‘Winny, eat a mince pie. You’re practically drooling over Valentine.’ Halley said scathingly.

‘Oh, am I? I hadn’t noticed. Sorry dear I’ve gotten so taken up in hosting.’ She said before taking and eating a mince pie.

‘So, Valentine we’re all eager what news do you have of Eve?’ Ray asked.

‘Ah, yes, Eve. You’re not going to like what I’ve got to say.’ He started, anxiously fiddling with his fingers at the same time. ‘I went to her house earlier this year and, and she wasn’t there anymore someone else was living there. So, I asked around the neighbourhood and they said that, that the house had been abandoned, the police went in after she stopped paying her bills and they found it with all her stuff in, but she was missing. They tried looking for her but, without any leads or family and friends to press the issue they’ve given up.’ He finished focusing on his hands, silence engulfed the room.

‘So, should we assume she has dispersed.’ Victor said breaking the silence.

‘I don’t know.’ Valentine said.

‘What was the house like? When they went in.’ Ray asked, his fingers interlaced in thought.

‘Apparently, they found it full of chocolate bunnies and eggs, with a fine layer of dust over everything. Oh, also they found all the plants dead in her garden, like noting was actually growing in the entire property, not even moulds.’

‘Then in that case she has dispersed, that effect wouldn’t have happened from her just leaving.’ Ray concluded.

‘No.’ Said Halley. ‘She can’t have, Eve has always been full of life. She’ll have just gone away somewhere else and forgotten about her house, you know how she is always thinking of the future.’

‘It’s a nice hope but she has never been that absentminded before. She has dispersed, it is curse of being bound to human whim that we must all bare. No doubt she can make her way back though.’ Winny said, with a comforting hand on Halley’s shoulder.

They sat and talked about Eve for quite some time until they we’re interrupted by the man Halley brought in walking into the room.

‘Umm… where am I? What happened?’ The man asked, he lent on the door frame for support while rubbing his eyes.

‘You were found collapsed in the snow on the trail, we’ve taken care of you.’ Said Winny.

‘Thanks, I guess, who are you? I’m Mike by the way.’

‘We are, umm…’ Winny started.

‘Should we tell him the truth or lie? He will be compelled to believe whatever we say.’ Asked Halley, swilling her wine as she did.

‘He’ll forget, they always do after we leave.’ Ray said.

‘Very well then. The truth it is.’ Said Winny. ‘We are the spirts of your festivals or holiday’s if you prefer, personified and err… how do you put it.’

‘Metaphysically created and influenced by human abstract thought and belief.’ Valentine said.

‘Well that is one interpretation of us anyway.’ Said Victor, absentmindedly rolling a cigarette.

‘Wait, wait… I want to not believe you, but I can’t.’ Mike said.

‘That’s the problem when we tell the truth together. And Victor, outside with that my boy.’ Winny said, gesturing sternly finger at Victor. ‘You see, you believe in us and write ourselves so we can turn it on its head when we want.’

‘Urgh, well while this is all fascinating can you direct me back to normal civilisation please.’

‘I don’t think that is happening anytime soon Mike.’ Said Halley nodding towards the window. ‘By the looks of it that blizzard is going to last most of the night. I think one of us will have to walk you down tomorrow. Unless any of you can do anything about it.’

‘I doubt so, not this close to Winny.’ Said ray.

‘I only think I can make it worse, I used a lot to bring him back.’

‘What do you mean bring me back?’

‘You we’re very nearly dead, I only hope I did the job properly, there is a risk you might die of hypothermia in your bed next week.’

‘What? How?’

‘Well we’ll call it our little Christmas miracle.’ Winny said winking at Mike.

‘So, your Christmas then, I was expecting…’

‘A man, with a white beard and a bowl full of jelly for a belly, the whole Santa aesthetic?’ Winny cut across him. ‘Well there is more than just Christmas in Winter my dear. But yes, I’m those festivities.’

‘Then who’s everyone else?’

‘Midsummer.’ Said Ray.

‘Love and friendship.’ Said Valentine.

‘Remembrance and war.’ Said Victor, toasting himself with his wineglass.

‘Halloween and Día de Muertos. But I used to do the Harvest until you lot got rid of seasonal crops and stopped believing in them being brought in.’ Said Halley.

‘Where is Easter then?’ Mike asked, he’d been counting off his fingers.

‘We currently believe that Eve has dispersed or dissipated if you prefer. It can happen to us when there isn’t enough belief to keep us going; and like with Halley and the harvest spring isn’t what it used to be.’ Said Ray sombrely looking into his nearly empty jug of water.

‘How is that even possible, people still celebrate spring and Easter.’ Mike said dumbfounded.

‘Oh, they still celebrate but they don’t believe anymore, they just think that it’s the time when they get chocolate and other treats.’ Winny began. ‘The spirt has left most of our seasons, since time immemorial humanity has held itself close every midwinter to celebrate making it this far and that it isn’t long till spring with warmer days and more food. But now you all buy things and compete with each other over how festive you make everything look and how much food you’ve got. I’m sorry I’ve taken it personally, but it is true for all of us apart from Victor that what once was a communal affair has now become commercial instead.’

‘If we’re lucky we can shift over to something else, very few people observe midsummer with the fervour they used to. Now I have to get what I can out of you all taking holiday’s and tanning by the pool with drinks, I have to live in Australia or the south of Europe just to get the most of it.’ Lamented Ray.

‘At least I had something to move onto, Eve had nothing to transfer to other than becoming a giant chocolate bunny that just shits more chocolate. If she can dissipate what can happen to the rest of us what can happen to me...’ She broke into tears, Valentine put his arms around her and let her sob into his shoulder.

‘Its okay my child, Eve can return. We’ve done it in the past, remember the spread of Christianity? I disappeared for a decade when they came slaughtering through Europe and you, you were gone for some 25 years too.’ Winny said, unsure of if she needed to join in with physically comforting Halley.

‘I don’t really remember that, but then I was in America at the time.’ Said Ray. ‘But then I did have the tricky year when Krakatoa went off.’

‘I think I was in Asia at that time.’ Began Valentine. ‘I only started coming over to Europe more often when Genghis Khan started off.’

‘Ah, now I remember Christianity, all those crusades. Religions have kept me very busy over the millennia.’ Reminisced Victor. Halley had calmed down slightly and was no longer crying, after a brief silence Winny spoke up again.

‘Well if your going to be staying for the night I should sort out a change of clothes for you, I should have something leftover from my husbands, you should be the right size.’ She said whisking him off before he had a chance to object.

‘Ray, can you keep an eye on Winny please, maybe have a word with her tonight. I’m worried that she might try to keep hold of Mike rather than let him go home.’ Halley said.

‘I will see what I can do, but hopefully we can take him down to the town in the morning.’ Said Ray.

‘Maybe we can do it while she’s sorting breakfast or something, so she’s too busy to notice; just in case.’ Said Valentine. Without warning a loud crash and bang erupted from upstairs. Victor jumped in his chair and his eyes started a panicked flickering.

‘Victor! Darling, that was just Winny dropping something upstairs. Alright.’ Said Halley as she firmly gripped his hand and looked reassuringly into his eyes. ‘Why don’t you go and have a smoke outside.’

‘Err… Yes, yes. That sounds like an excellent idea.’ Victor declared getting up to leave.

A while later all of them were sat round the dining table, Eve’s place had been left empty and Mike had had another place prepared for him. Ray stood up at the head of the table, glass in hand to make a toast. He cleared his throat lightly.

‘Assembled sprits and our honoured guest.’ He began gesturing towards Mike. ‘It has been so long since we were last able to meet up together and, in our time apart we have lost our sister Eve.’ He gestured towards the empty chair. ‘And while this is now a sad occasion. We should not be disheartened instead we should use this to strengthen our resolve and look to the future it is what Eve would have done. At these tough times we should do our best to ensure our seasons pass with renewed enthusiasm and passion. Reminding the people that we are still a key part of their lives, we bind their families, and friends. We provide them with rest, with hope, with enjoyment, and with routine. So, with that I look forward to our next few days together with some sense of relief for the rest and company of my fellows. I think however it is appropriate to spend the rest of this evening thinking of our friend who is no longer with us. To Eve.’

‘Eve.’ The group toasted around the table.

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#Blogger #Story

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braindamageforbeginners · 6 years

Text

Hangovers

Cycle 3, Day 9

Two things learned in the last 24 hours:

1. I really need to shut up whenever discussing how things aren’t too bad, that’s just begging for a smiting.

2. I should probably not write about infusion days on infusion days, because the weird stuff tends to happen right before bed (largely because of my new, “Go to bed immediately if something weird happens policy.”

I had another odd, brief hallucination last night, to go with the crippling pain and limp. I was on Facebook, and the icons suddenly became sand castles, and, in a weird way I was suddenly at the beach, sort of (I can’t really describe it; if that makes any sense to you, kudos). And it is kind of frighteningly amazing how quickly these side-effects can set in. However, if you’re sober at the time (I realize that’s an extremely odd, almost self-negating concept when you’re being pumped full of experimental toxins), it’s not frightening. And my bedtime policy paid off; I didn’t become Timothy Leary.I woke up this morning with an unbelievable hangover. I realize I’m prone to hyperbole and exaggeration, but the one this morning had teeth. Which is one of those sorts of good-news/bad news things - I’ve noticed the faster and harder the serum side-effects hit me, the sooner they go. Also, you know how, when you had to get up early to go to school when you were a child, and Mom, in an act of breathtaking cruelty ripped off your covers off and lied, “I know you’re tired and cold now, but it’ll get better if you get moving.” Which, again, feels like a betrayal of sorts if you finally make it out the door and find out it’s 40 degrees. Well, dear reader, mom may been lying to get you out of the house, but I assure you - based on my own experience - once you get out of bed and a-movin’ (and, more importantly, eating and drinking)(make sure you take your zofran or any other appropriate medications), you’ll start feeling like your old self. Don’t rush that “getting out of bed part,” though, take time as needed (this morning, it felt like I actually had go through several stages of evolution)(side-note; you’re gonna feel much less human and more like a jumbled-together set of human cells at the start of activitiies). I went for an ultra-high fiber and coffee breakfast, which seemed to help - or at least reduce my physical description from “possible 90-year-old amnesia patient” to “nasty but manageable back and shoulder pain.” If all this seems meaninglessly detailed, well, yes, it is. I wish I’d known four months ago that switching to a largely coffee-and-raw-fruit-based diet could save me some pain. Definitely I’m feeling immeasurably better and less-mentally foggy (I successfully recovered my Spotify username and hassled the DMV about my ongoing bureaucratic feud), although I’m still definitely showing signs of sleep deprivation and exhaustion, I’m not too bad. Except for some back pain, which probably isn’t that bad, except it is a novelty for me (sort of, it’s happened to me frequently enough that I know to just grab the Tylenol salt-lick).

So, bad news for you guys, mentally-capable yet too physically sore to anything terribly ambitious is the horrible sweet spot of “might as well sit down and write. Something a friend mentioned on Facebook got me thinking; if I’d been told I’d have to heavily modify my diet (sort of; after six pm I believe I’ve done due diligence), schedule (again, Temodar is very weird, and I’m glad I’ve finished it for this cycle), religiously take lots of various pills, get a lot more cardio exercise, sleep a lot more than I’m used to etc. a year ago, like most of you, my first thought would be, “Oh,God, I’m gonna die.” And, to be fair, the night is young (and I still have that new blip on the MRI); but you’d amazed at what you can adapt to. And after a while, even though you still hate all those things, your body will help keep you on the straight and narrow (mostly because your own body will start actively punishing you if you don’t keep up) Don’t get me wrong, I’m still grumpy and irritable and not going all Tuesday’s with Morrie, but there is a sense that, denied a lot of other of life’s options, I’d double down on the Warlocks, see how far that took me, and leave the black flight box behind for the next folks in line. And now I’m having hallucinations, which, while I can’t claim is something I’m happy about, but it’s definitely not boring,.

Speaking of strange developments, I had some time to think about Ronny Jackson (as it turns out, television news is the perfect thing to watch when you’ve just been pumped full of various suspicious chemicals - there’s no plot, there are no characters, everything lasts 45 seconds, and you don’t lose much of he information) and my constant harping on about finding top-grade professionals when you’re in my situation. Firsoff, I require that level of competence not because of my personal preferences, but because I have a rare, amazingly dangerous disease that’s already behaved unpredictably. If this was standard colo-rectal cancer, I’d probably go to the Local Health Mart. Not to slam anyone, just that different diseases require different levels of management and training (diabetics are allowed to live in society and actually have their own insulin). The common thing you want - from your GP to your neurosurgeon (okay, especially your neurosurgeon) is to be 50th case like yours they’ve seen, not the first (as Dad described it when choosing his orthopedic surgeon)(that’s not the only indicator, but we’ll come to that point briefly). And that doesn’t happen unless the doctor (or nurse) is out there practicing (oddly enough, younger doctors make better doctors because they don’t have the professional pride/investment that would discourage them from getting a consult)(that was in a study I read). Which means that the current physician to the president has had two patients in ten years, one of whom was, by all accounts, quite physically healthy except for a history of smoking (I’ll discuss that some other time), and another who’s not completely healthy, but that would require a neurologist and nutritionist. One middle aged man and an elderly-but-previously healthy man. Most practitioners could get out some folding chairs, grab a six-pack, and let the situation play out until someone had a noticeable complaint (TWISTED SIDE NOTE: I just realized that all of my complaints/symptoms have, so far, not come from any disease process, but from side effects of treatment)(my apologies if any of my doctors or nurses are reading this, you’ve all been great, but that Zen Koan is true . Unless they had some sort of horrific, undisclosed disease. That’s barely qualified and experienced enough to lance a boil. And he got his job through Yelp, basically - Obama liked him and wrote a letter of recommendation, and so did Trump. And, in total honesty, now that I have artificial middle-age aches and pains, I’d like anyone who offered me Percocet, too. Mine are mostly-manageable with Tylenol, but infusion days are vicious, and if that was a daily occurrence, I’d make out with anyone with Percocet,

This isn’t actually about Ronny (it’s about widening the scope of this essay so it’s not another gripe-fest of me neurotically keeping track of symptoms), it’s about finding good clinicians. I’m still trying to figure that out for everyone, and I’m only beginning to sort through that data (also, there’s a good chance I’ll die during he attempt, but that’s also not the point of this piece). Ronny is obviously not a good doctor (he might be a fun one, though), but he does provide some lessons.

First, you don’t have to like your doctor. Yelp doesn’t have to like them. You have to trust them. I realize that’s not always easy to sum up, but all of my physicians (and probably nurses and other folks I’m ignoring or forgetting because there isn’t any data available that I can find) have been driven to be better doctors than they are now - that sometimes takes a bit of research (Mad Scientist has an impressive number of papers on PubMed) to figure out, sometimes a neurosurgeon will discuss some new drillbit he helped design to get through the skull (okay, I’m getting the details of that incident wrong, but it happened)(It’s a little off-putting to hear that described in the same glowing tone as developing a new, experimental bratwurst for the.county fair BBQ. But he’s been my neurosurgeon for two extremely successful surgeries. And I might need to revisit him before the year’s out (I hope not, obviously)

Which also brings up a teachable moment; for years - a few solid decades - the medical industry recruited and adhered to the standard that as long as you were competent, you could be an utter sociopath. Which, according to some sources, Ronny is. It’s not even some medical secret, it’s a common stereotype in the media. I suspect that the medical industry is trying to combat this more actively, but, in my first semester, I met a guy (you go to as many study groups as you possibly can when possible) who probably had a favorite hooker buryin’ spot. I listened for ten minutes (and I don’t know how I lasted that long; I should’ve just conspicuously glanced at the clock and fled, as my smarter classmates did. It was 10 minutes of narcissism and genocide (not exactly, he felt that poor people got plenty of insurance, and put-upon hospitals should be able to kick them out on the street)(which actually happened to me at one hospital, thanks to the insurance companies using an obscure legal loophole) I think that was the point I left Mr. Wonderful’s company (If I die and end up the traditional Judeo Christian afterlife and am made to atone for my sins, I’m sure St. Peter will want to know why I didn’t follow that motherfucker back to his apartment and kill him with a shovel, I know it a dark thought, but no darker than the probability that he got his MD, passed all his boards, and was set loose upon an unsuspecting public. But that’s just one guy amongst thousands of potential doctors, Ronny’s been accused by a few sources of sociopathy, As a patient, it’s almost not even worth worying about them - you will know them when you see them. Or, rather, when you talk to them

Another checklist item: if your doctor enjoys where they live.

I’ll continue this thought tomorrow (or technically today)

Author’s note: I spent 12 hours on this thing (sort of; after starting it in the morning (obviously), there were various distractions and errands and infernal family members demanding my time, So the last hour or two was mostly desperately typing before exhaustion took me. So I edited this thing a bit.

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thedietian · 6 years

Text

"REVERSE DIABETES TODAY" – Your Diabetes Cure – Official Website

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And chances are, you won’t hear or read about this system anywhere else, because it isn’t in the interest of pharmaceutical companies or medical professionals to inform you. “Why?” You might ask.

How is that possible, you ask? “I thought Diabetes was not reversible?”

You’re right. At least, partially.

With traditional medicine, Diabetes will be a lifelong condition. Traditional medicine “fights” Diabetes through drugs that treat the symptoms of the disease, but never deals with the root cause of the problem.

In fact, doctors acknowledge they have no idea WHAT causes Diabetes – maybe a genetic defect – but here is a prescription for some drugs anyway. (sound familiar?)

Does that make sense to you? Why would you take drugs if doctors don’t know what Diabetes is, what caused it, or how to reverse it? Yet, people do just that for every physical condition, such as Cancer, Heart Disease, Cholesterol, Arthritis, And… Diabetes.

In the West, we have a high incidence of these diseases that practically don’t exist in “undeveloped” parts of the world. This has been known for a long time, and for years, top leading microbiologists and medical scientists have searched for an answer.

Well they finally discovered the answer. They discovered that it is our modern lifestyle that is actively causing these diseases.

The body is designed to heal itself — provided it has what it needs to do its job.

And your diet is one of the major influences on your Diabetes condition.

You’ve probably heard the old adage, “We are what we eat.” This statement seems to be closer to the truth when it comes to diabetics, than many people would imagine.

I’ll explain with a metaphor. Picture your body as a car, that was designed to function on all-natural, organic, fuel. The car is a living, breathing machine not unlike the human body. For 2 million years, this car has been using fuel such as:

water / seeds / nuts / grasses / grains / herbs / roots / fruits / vegetables.

THAT’S the fuel it is used to.

MOREOVER, THAT’S the fuel its entire system is based upon. It was MADE from that stuff.

Then, suddenly, after 2,000,000 years… that car switches over to – for the last 100 years – a new, modern mixture of:

sugar / sweets / biscuits / crisps / chocolate / coffee / coca-cola / fats & oils / cigarettes / alcohol / vinegar / pharmaceutical drugs / chemicals, pesticides, and preservatives (loads of them) / etc.

What do you think would happen to this ‘vehicle’?

THAT’S RIGHT – IT BREAKS DOWN.

If you keep pouring in fuels that your body can’t process properly… then eventually your “motor” starts experiencing serious difficulties.

Some people develop tumours. Other people have Cholesterol levels that are through the roof. For you, your diet and lifestyle is causing you to damage one very specific organ called the pancreas… that happens to be responsible for producing and releasing insulin.

This organ has become so severely damaged by your diet, that it eventually produced less and less insulin until you were diagnosed with Diabetes.

If you really think about it…

Diabetes is not a disease about not having enough “insulin”… but a disease of the organ that produces insulin: The pancreas !

And this condition is merely a “symptom” – an outward “signal” – of a damaged pancreas, or more specifically, the functioning of the cells that secrete insulin, the beta-cells. When these are damaged or cannot function, insulin resistance can develop leading to Type 2 Diabetes.

We’re not paying attention to the SOURCE of our problems and until we do, these problems are going to continue and even get worse.

Let’s look at what happens in our bodies. The pancreas is a vital organ in our body near the stomach. Its main job is to produce the hormone, insulin. Carbohydrates stimulate the secretion of insulin more than any other component of food.

Fast absorption carbohydrates (there are also slow absorption carbohydrates) in our food mean that the pancreas has to work hard, and thus produces more insulin. If the pancreas is over-stimulated over a long period of time, it just gets pooped out and slows down.

Your pancreas can also become compromised if it is overwhelmed by acids – acids not only from fast absorption carbohydrates we consume, but also from sugars, excess fats, high acid forming foods, and uric acid, as they keep going from the stomach directly to the pancreas.

When millions of people around the world start experiencing the same health problems (two new cases are diagnosed every 10 seconds!) something is seriously wrong. Something is unbalanced. And it’s never an “accident”.

What scientists have now discovered is… that the “Root Cause” of diabetes is your pancreas becoming damaged by acids: sugars‚ carbohydrates‚ excess fats, uric acid and many ‘natural’ foods loaded with MSG, GMOs and High Fructose Corn Syrup (all very common in our modern diets).

Most of the foods in our modern diet are full of ‘Pancreas Destroying’ acids, carbohydrates, sugars and fats.

Because your pancreas is the next “link” after the stomach in the digestion “chain,” whatever you eat goes directly to this delicate organ… So instead of digesting food and producing insulin… your pancreas now becomes a “shock organ.” Which means… Your pancreas has to absorb and neutralize all the excess acids our modern diets dump into it.

This is when you developed “pre–diabetes”‚ and…

If you don’t stop the attacks on your pancreas‚ you develop insulin resistance and eventually type 2 diabetes!

Our radical change in diet today (processed and junk food, high-calorie and low-nutrient foods, high acid forming foods, etc.) has actually transformed your pancreas into the “first line of defense” against acids, waste, and toxins that all of us ingest… and keep ingesting… each and every day.

The cells that are responsible for producing insulin ( they’re called “Beta cells” ) are surrounded by an overdose of acids from our foods. This causes these cells to become severely damaged… and eventually cripple the pancreas‚ causing these cells to stop producing insulin.

Now here’s what’s exciting: As soon as these acids stop overflowing your pancreas, it gets a rest from constantly trying to absorb and neutralize them. Once you “cleanse” the pancreas from the overflow of acids‚ it starts to regenerate itself. It starts to recover and gradually…

It starts to rebuild the beta cells to their only natural function: the production of insulin!

Once you focus on the ‘Root Cause’ of your Diabetes — you instantly start seeing Diabetes from a different perspective — instead of “Medication” and “fighting the symptoms,” you start thinking about “Health” and treating the cause.

The simple and overlooked truth about Diabetes — and many other modern diseases — is that it’s infinitely more important to pay attention to what you put inside your body, than to have to deal with the symptoms that drugs can fight from the outside.

As you well know, prescription drugs (hypoglycemics) simply mask symptoms. They do not heal; actually they exacerbate the problem as they weaken your immune system. What is meant to help you out only make matters worse.

Something to think about… Taking diabetes drugs is usually the worst thing you can do because your problems will just keep snowballing. You’ll start with a pill for blood sugar … then soon you’ll need another pill for cholesterol … then another pill for high blood pressure … and then even more pills for depression, neuropathy, and other problems triggered by blood sugar disease. Then, you’ll need insulin injections as well when you cross over into full-blown diabetes.

It is truly scandalous that harmful diabetes drugs like Invokana, Avandia (which greatly increases risk of heart attack and stroke), Actos (which raises bladder cancer risk) and Rezulin (recalled for causing liver failure) are pushed onto the public before natural solutions are offered.

Food for thought: If prescriptive drugs (medications) were the long-term solution for this disease, why is Diabetes now the 4th leading cause of death in the US, and the precursor to many other serious health issues such as high blood pressure, heart attack, Alzheimer, and kidney damage?

The Diabetes Industry wants you to believe that changing your diet isn’t really necessary if you just keep your blood sugar levels under control with drugs and you’ll be fine. (This is the fast lane to deadly complications and premature death!)

But this deadly lie can cost you your life!

Fact is… the longer you remain stuck in the “Diabetes Trap” of continually “needing” more and higher doses of medications, the more long-term havoc your diabetes complications will wreak on your heart, kidneys, pancreas, brain, and the rest of your body.

The reality is your meds DON’T do anything to help your body get well. They DON’T do anything to help heal the source of your problem. But they DO turn you into a drug junky, and they DO have side effects that can be FAR WORSE than your condition itself!

A large-scale study at Duke University School of Medicine and published in the New England Journal of Medicine showed that despite serious risks and dangerous side effects, diabetes drugs don’t live up to their claims.

Duke researchers found that the combination of the blood-pressure drug Diovan (valsartan) and the anti-diabetes drug Starlix (nateglinide) failed to reduce risk of heart attack at all.

Furthermore, according to the researchers, practically all anti-diabetic drugs result in weight gain and eventual total dependency upon insulin injections. Lead researcher Robert Califf of the Duke study said, “This is a sobering confirmation of the need to focus on lifestyle improvements.”

Also, results from the 2010 randomized ACCORD clinical study (a large study funded by our own government) confirmed the danger of blood sugar lowering drugs:

Researchers examined the risks for heart attack, stroke, and death in 10,000 diabetic patients. Those who reduced their blood sugar levels the most (to 6.0% A1C or lower – considered “great” by doctors) had a higher risk of cardiovascular death and heart failure in patients with type 2 diabetes.

As blood sugar levels dropped, there were more heart attacks, and more patients died. In fact, the study had to be canceled to protect the remaining participants. That’s right, they stopped the study 18 months early because it was killing too many people!

Please listen carefully: Glucose lowering drugs kill more Type 2 patients than those who don’t take them at all. Just look at this…

A prominent study published in the prestigious New England Journal of Medicine found that Avandia (Rosiglitazone) increases a patient’s risk of heart attack by 43% — and death by a whopping 64% — compared to patients not on the drug.

This means that NOT taking Avandia actually improves a Type 2 patient’s chance of survival by more than 200%!

A follow-up to the ACCORD study just published again in the prestigious New England Journal of Medicine reports that blood pressure drugs routinely prescribed to diabetics increased the risk of strokes, heart attacks and deaths by 50% — and fibrate/statin cholesterol-lowering therapy failed to reduce the risk of cardiovascular disease.

These drugs did zip (except produce uncomfortable – and dangerous – side effects), which means there’s no point in taking them.

PLEASE LISTEN: No drug in the world can successfully treat your diabetes, no matter what Big Pharma promises. In fact, drugs are often worse than ineffective — they can even make your life miserable or even be more risky than diabetes itself

Think about Avandia, whose research I just showed you… This diabetes medicine, once the most popular diabetes drug in the world, has been found to dramatically increase the risk of heart attacks and death. The FDA eventually pulled Avandia from the U.S. market. (Yet it’s still being prescribed today!!!)

Since the main reason for taking diabetes drugs is to prevent diabetic complications, and cardiovascular disease is by far the most important of these complications, you certainly don’t want to be taking a diabetes drug that increases your chance of getting a heart attack or stroke!

Another popular diabetes drug, Actos, has its own array of ugly side effects, including average weight gain of nearly 9 pounds (it’s true, most diabetes drugs encourage your body to gain weight!) and a higher risk of dangerous and possibly deadly fluid buildups. Furthermore, Actos’s heart risks may be almost as bad as Avandia’s, and some researchers have linked this drug to bladder cancer. The FDA has even issued this warning: “The use of the diabetes medication Actos (pioglitazone) may be associated with an increased risk of bladder cancer.”

The solution to all of this is to get back into your natural state of vibrant health… by “cleansing” yourself from the inside, allowing your body to get rid of the acids that are taxing your cells, to enable them to start functioning properly again.

You see, for every disease, your immune system is triggered and it immediately starts fighting it. Your body can restore every wound, diseased organ or damaged cell that it needs to – but it cannot do that if you keep polluting it, your body simply can’t keep up!

Once your pancreas does not have to neutralize and protect you from the bad acids, it can get back to doing the job it is meant to do… As your pancreas starts working again, you start to produce enough insulin again so you can balance your blood sugar and enjoy vibrant health you never imagined possible again.

In well-publicized research by UCLA’s School of Medicine, Type 2 patients COMPLETELY REVERSED their diabetes (in just three weeks!) with a few simple changes in their diet and physical activity. And this occurred without any weight loss. According to the lead researcher Dr. Christian K. Roberts: “This study shows, contrary to common belief, that Type 2 diabetes can be reversed.”

Recently, British researchers (led by Professor Roy Taylor of Newcastle University) announced that diabetes (even advanced type 2 diabetes) can be reversed through diet changes. Specifically, they discovered that Type 2 diabetes can be COMPLETELY REVERSED by diet alone. As a matter of fact… after 1 week, blood sugar normalized. By 4 weeks, normal insulin production returned. After that, participants ate normally.

In a nationwide study by the Diabetes Prevention Program, simple diet-and-lifestyle changes beat the pants off the leading glucose-lowering drug (metformin) — performing TWICE as well as the medication!Medical literature is chock-full of studies proving the superiority of diet and lifestyle strategies over drug therapy.

And since our healthcare system isn’t set up to administer today’s best diabetes treatment (diet-and-lifestyle education), patients are forced to go for “second best” (drugs and medical procedures). But according to current statistics, “second best” is failing miserably…

As your pancreas restores and insulin secretion improves, your blood sugar levels will drop even though you’re injecting the same amount of insulin. Note: This is when you can gradually start to lower the units of insulin you take everyday… They’re your first steps to freedom from Diabetes medication and insulin shots!

And while you keep supporting your body in this way, it will eventually recover completely, giving you back your health and freedom from a life of taking drugs and only getting sicker.

You won’t believe what a difference this makes in your life. I love getting letters from people who’ve struggled with Diabetes for years and are now charged with unstoppable energy and an enormous sense of freedom and liberation…

Their doctors were shocked… and at a complete loss for words at their recovery.

“I would like to report to you the great success I have had with my Type II diabetes.

Within a month of listening to you, I managed to reduce my doses of medication between 50 and 80%. My blood sugar levels used to be high 200’s and 300’s. Now they are in the low 100’s and below 100. As a bonus I have lost 18lbs. I am on my way to a diabetes free life and I am happier than ever.

I can never thank you enough for giving me a new life.”

“About 2 months ago when I started your program my blood sugar count was at 332 and my kidneys were in very poor condition.

Just today I was given my results from my last physical and can report that my blood sugar count is 110 and my kidney function is just slightly elevated.

By the way, I forgot to mention… when I was first diagnosed, I weighed over 250 pounds and my blood pressure was high. I now weigh 193 pounds and my blood pressure is normal.

Thank you for all your help. My family and I are forever grateful.”

Leon BuellOntario, Canada

I enjoyed your book immensely. This book may very well have saved my life.”

John J. Adams Oregon, USA

“After being a diabetic for many years, I’m happy to report that thanks to your book, my blood tests are now showing that I am completely free of diabetes.

Saying thank you does not seem to be strong enough. God bless you and your work, just begins to express my feelings.”

“Your program is absolutely a miracle. I am on day 15, using your method. I am completely OFF ALL MEDICATIONS. I have absolutely no negative side effects. My liver functions are normal, my blood sugar is normal, my energy is higher than it has been in years and I feel great. Your e-book has changed my life.”

Candy MoirCalifornia, USA

“I’m so glad I found your ebook on the web. I have been a Type 2 diabetic sufferer for many years. Thirty days after following your program, I can report the following results:

Blood glucose dropped from 310 to 98Blood pressure lowered 10 points on the top and the bottomCholesterol dropped 16 points

Your How To Reverse Diabetes plan is a BREAKTHROUGH and a true Blessing. Thank you for all your help. My family and I are forever grateful.”

“My whole life has changed. Your program has made a remarkable difference. My blood sugar level is normal. I have more energy than ever. I have lost weight. And, I am excited to be able to help others to achieve good health … all this, because I decided to download your book.

Saying thank you does not seem to be strong enough. But God bless you and your work, just begins to express my feelings.”

Lela E. RosenbergLondon, UK

“I have recently read your book and must congratulate you on the most informative and revolutionary contents. Your book has drastically changed my life and the way I view health. I am so grateful for your discovery of this information and for sharing it with the world.”

“I couldn’t get my blood sugar below 300 with medication. After using the information in your ebook for 3 weeks, it was down within the normal range! My doctor was shocked.

Thanks Matt, your book has given me back my health!”

Laura HatswellNova Scotia, Canada

The most wonderful part of your program is the quality of life that I’m able to enjoy now that I thought I’d never be able to again. My fear of dying, has been replaced by a gratitude for living. I am so glad I came across your book Matt, thank you.”

Robert PoulsenMassachusetts, USA

I purchased your e-book, How to Reverse Diabetes. This is really an amazing life-saving book, it’s a blessing beyond words. I’ve downloaded your program because my dad has been suffering from diabetes for a very long time but now, thanks to your help, his blood sugar level is well within normal range and all his symptoms are gone. I cannot explain in words how much this book has meant to me and my family.

I just want to let you know that your program has totally changed my life; you truly are a blessing for humanity. People need to hear your message because it can save many many people’s lives. The world needs more people like you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you thank you thank you!”

Sreekanth Dhawan Trivandrum Kerala, India

“Dear Matt,

I have almost completed reading and practicing what I read on your downloaded ebook.

It was because of my wife, who happens to be a diabetic, that I found your site on the net and started practically applying it to improve her health and of all the family, as well.

What a marvelous work you have done, it is simply wonderful!!

Alex Silveira,Naas, Ireland

Wouldn’t It Be Great To Get Rid Of Diabetes Like This?

Wouldn’t it feel wonderful to finally Get OFF your diabetes drugs and return to a normal life again?

Waking up every morning knowing that you don’t have diabetes?

Feeling completely rested, full of energy, and ready to start the day… knowing that you are in total control of your health… looking forward to a future filled with good health, happiness and longevity?

I assure you that you can – and starting today.

Take Back Your Life! You Deserve To Be Healthy and Happy! Vibrant Health is Your Birthright!

Reverse Diabetes Today (TM) is Interactive: The Program Shows You Exactly How to Overcome Your Diabetes While You Follow It. As Soon As You Start Following the Methods in the Program: You Will Immediately See Results. With Reverse Diabetes Today (TM), you will start noticing great results from the moment you start following the steps in the program and the more you advance with the program, the better you’ll feel as your blood sugar balances and your cravings disappear.

Reverse Diabetes Today (TM) is a Natural and Safe Solution The Reverse Diabetes Today (TM) offers a 100% natural, safe, and powerful treatment that permanently eliminates the ROOT cause of your Diabetes. Reverse Diabetes Today (TM) doesn’t rely on harmful drug therapy or the risky and unnecessary gastric bypass surgery, both of which fail to address the underlying causes. The Reverse Diabetes Today (TM) safely balances your blood sugar in just 3 weeks so you can enjoy vibrant health and natural vitality you never imagined possible again.

Reverse Diabetes Today (TM) is Easy to Understand and Logically Laid Out Don’t worry about not knowing much about human anatomy or medical terminology. I wrote the Reverse Diabetes Today (TM) plan with the layperson in mind. It is presented in an easy-to-understand language and an easy-to-follow, logical and organized format.

Reverse Diabetes Today (TM) is Continually Updated I learn new things every single day from continued research, testing and experimentation. I also get a lot of ideas as to how I can improve Reverse Diabetes Today (TM) from the men and women that I counsel. I am therefore constantly in the process of refining and perfecting Reverse Diabetes Today (TM). These updates, no matter how extensive, are made available to my previous customers absolutely for free!

There’s nothing like this that exists anywhere else – on or off the web – and I’m honored for the opportunity to share it with you. This pioneering remedy is the outcome of countless studies conducted over the past three decades by leading doctors around the world and teams of internationally-respected scientists and diabetes’ specialists, including Nobel Prize winners. As a result, thousands of people who were in your EXACT same situation are now living symptom-free… all because they followed the simple guidelines of this diabetes breakthrough.

But, as you know, ”thousands” aren’t nearly enough. In the US alone, there are 26 million people living with diabetes today. Sadly, as the American Diabetes Association reveals, there are 1.9 million new cases diagnosed each year and most of these people are completely unaware, with 7 million undiagnosed people and over 79 million who are pre-diabetic and at risk of developing the same complications as diabetics (high blood pressure, heart disease, stroke, kidney failure, and vision loss).

Please don’t become another statistic of the diabetes epidemic; take control of your health because what really matters right now is YOU. Because statistics don’t tell your story. How every day you have to constantly worry about getting your blood sugar right. The stress and anxiety that come with managing your condition. Living with diabetes is devastating and nerve-racking both physically and emotionally. AND, from doctor visits to medications, the ongoing list of diabetes expenses can quickly add up. And even WITH insurance, many people are unable to afford supplies.

Also, one part of this report will make your blood boil once you’ve learned the slimy tactics that the entire Drug Industry uses — including strategies like bribing your doctors — just to exploit you financially and keep you powerless.

You see, today’s system of medicine wants people to feel powerless and victimized. And every piece of information you’re told through advertising, doctors’ offices and the manipulated media is designed to reinforce your powerlessness and keep you dependent on a system of money-sapping drugs and surgical procedures.

In contrast, the health information contained in Reverse Diabetes Today (TM) puts you in the driver seat! It’s all about giving you back the power to heal yourself. It’s about reversing diabetes (a monstrous epidemic that shouldn’t even exist!) and giving you the control, the information, and the means to take charge of your own health and kick Diabetes out of your life forever! It’s about showing you the laws of nature and how your own body and mind are designed to achieve and maintain a state of perfect health.

This Educational Aspect of Reverse Diabetes Today (TM) is the Secret of Its Amazing Success! Your hands are on the steering wheel — and you’ll be making these healing decisions based on sound scientific evidence.

There’s way too much money to be made from treating diabetes, rather than curing it. Advising diabetics to continue consuming the very foods that made them sick in the first place in unconscionable, reprehensible, and borders on the criminal.

“The ADA’s advice to diabetics is that they can keep eating all the ice cream, sweets and soft drinks they want, as long as they control their blood sugar with pharmaceuticals. It’s medically absurd… The organization is so outdated that it still won’t admit diabetes is curable, even as credible studies published in peer-reviewed medical journals prove that it is.”- Mike Adams, Consumer Advocate

“Drug companies are intent on keeping the consumer on drugs… for the simple requirement of profit.”- Dr. Drummond Rennie, Journal of the American Medical Association

“The thing that bugs me is that people think the Food and Drug Administration is protecting them — it isn’t. What the FDA is doing and what the public thinks it’s doing are as different as night and day.”- Dr. Herbert L. Ley, former Commissioner of the FDA

With millions — even billions — of dollars of profits at stake, it’s absolutely no wonder that Big Pharma desperately hopes you (and millions of other diabetics) never find out about this breakthrough diabetes research!

You see, Big Pharma’s main concerns are amassing and maintaining wealth and power. The public’s health is far from its main concern.

Having personally worked for many years with some of the world’s leading diabetes specialists — watching patient after patient completely reverse their type 2 Diabetes in just a few weeks — it’s now my life’s purpose to show people like yourself how to heal Diabetes naturally and create vibrant health.

Please listen carefully, the drug industry can only increase profits by getting MORE people to take MORE drugs on a regular basis (they make billions by keeping you sick and hooked on their pills for life), the pharmaceutical industry has NO financial interest in healthy people. (Starting to make more sense?)

But please understand, it’s not that physicians are bad or uncaring, the system is trying to treat diseases of lifestyle with medications which just doesn’t make any sense. Listen: Doctors tend to do what they get paid to do, and they get trained to do what they get paid to do. So the problem is not the people; it’s the system that’s broken. We don’t have a Health Care system, we have a Sick Care system – a Disease Management system. Doctors are well-intentioned and hard-working people, and everyone in the system is doing their job efficiently, we just designed the jobs wrong. We pay doctors for how many patients they manage to see and for the quantity of medical care provided to each patient (dispensing more drugs, more tests, more labs, more procedures), but not for succeeding in healing people or keeping them healthy. And certainly they are NOT reimbursed for patient education about diet and lifestyle.

Bottom line: Diabetes is the biggest health epidemic we have and the standard medical treatment is focused on medications and insulin and it’s simply the WRONG

approach.

The Reverse Diabetes Today (TM) System is a proven way to treat your condition forever, and you can do it without insulin or glucose-lowering drugs, without harmful treatments, and without having to continue to turn your life upside down.

Unlike many other books out there telling you vague and often conflicting information about what you should eat to control diabetes — I know, I’ve read them all! — this program is proven on actual patients. We have conducted dozens of health retreats for diabetics literally around the world and we’ve seen over and over that these very precise, but easy-to-follow changes that you’ll find in Reverse Diabetes Today (TM) make diabetes disappear within one to three weeks at the most, regardless of how long you’ve suffered from diabetes or how severely.

And that’s another secret of the remarkably high success rate of Reverse Diabetes Today (TM). This protocol has permanently and safely reversed Type 2 diabetes and prediabetes in every patient who has followed it. In fact, there’s NEVER been a Type 2 diabetic who hasn’t gotten completely OFF their medications using The Reverse Diabetes Today (TM) system – and returned to a normal, healthy, drug-free life.

What you’ll learn here is absolutely breakthrough information — a real eye-opener! — this book will turn “advanced” Western medicine — and your entire belief system — on its ear! This program is going to change your life. It is a powerful tool that enables ANYONE, young or old, the ability to effectively treat diabetes at the cellular level – instead of at the “symptom level!”

This program gives you the lifesaving information you need to restore healthy blood sugar, lose weight, and wipe out diabetes without drugs of any kind. This information is strongly supported by thousands of researches and world-class doctors around the world. It’s all backed by ultra-reliable scientific studies and clinical research.

Restoring healthy blood sugar levels and healing diabetes is automatic — if you give your body what it needs and remove the bad habits that block your recovery.

That’s right: Reversing Diabetes is quite simple and straightforward using basic biochemical cause and effect. The only reason people don’t beat their Diabetes is because: 1) they don’t know about this information, and 2) Big Medicine doesn’t teach anybody this information. Drug companies would much prefer to keep you dependent on drugs. The moment you beat Diabetes, they lose a customer.

It’s time to stop poisoning yourself! It’s time to kick Diabetes out of your life forever! All you have to do is read Reverse Diabetes Today (TM) and reap the benefits of this amazing breakthrough program!

This revolutionary E-book and audio program contains the latest research on the most effective strategies you can use to reduce and stabilize your blood sugar naturally.

Let me be very blunt — what I’m offering you is an electronic manual that will show you the most effective approach to regulating blood sugar and actually reversing Diabetes without high-priced prescription drugs riddled with harmful side effects.

In just a few minutes from now you can start reading this eBook and watching the videos on your computer — that’s right, this eBook is also interspersed with specific mind-blowing and revealing videos that will awaken you to the truth! It will make your belief system do a 180! You’ll see how your attitude toward health is a sick result of being brainwashed by the Western food industry and the medical establishment!

Here’s something else you should know about the electronic manual: this Down-to-Earth guide is easy to understand and simple to follow, and it’s founded upon hard science and clinically proven principles.

Basically, these ingredients are what you need to get back into good health, the easiest and fastest way humanly possible.

Within DAYS, you’ll start regulating your blood sugar and feeling more energy than you’ve had in years.

In about a week, you’ll start seeing an enormous difference in how you look and feel… and you’ll be both shocked and surprised when you go in for your medical check-up.

And after just a few weeks, you can even be liberated from your disease altogether as your metabolic functions return to normal without the ongoing need for drugs… and astonish your doctor with a complete recovery from Diabetes.

The Reverse Diabetes Today (TM) system addresses the internal problem that is causing your Diabetes and fixes it permanently. By tackling all diabetes contributing factors using a holistic, science-based approach it ensures the permanent eradication of the Diabetes internal environment. Thus you can enjoy lasting freedom from Diabetes and finally be able to…

This information will truly open your eyes and free you from Diabetes and from the fear of ever getting ill or getting sick – allowing you to put your health into high gear – fast.

In my e-book I reveal all of the secrets I discovered, and have laid out a unique easy to follow step-by-step treatment that can start eliminating your Diabetes by correctly addressing the root cause.

My informative book takes you by the hand and shows you in plain simple English, everything you could be doing right now to eliminate your Diabetes for good. I have tested and perfected the key elements in my book for years to make the system as easy as possible to follow, yet extremely effective for both type 2 and type 1 diabetes.

That’s right, I’m going to give you these five unbelievably great bonuses to give an added boost to your diabetes-reversing efforts — and to reward you for taking action and taking charge of your health…

Lessons From The “Miracle Doctors”

This amazing 177 page ebook is a step by step guide that will teach you how to achieve optimum health and find relief from illness.

If you have a hard time believing that the elite have been brainwashing you, read this rather short 74 page book and wake up. Some of the information revealed in this rare book would almost be unbelievable if it didn’t have about 15 pages of references to back it up.

10 Deadly Health Myths Of The 21st Century

10 Deadly Health Myths Of The 21st Century will teach you secrets that most people never learn about the medical industry. This book will forever change your view of modern healthcare.

This program is by far the most effective and proven method to eliminate your diabetes once and for all, not just “control” it! Yet I am still constantly researching and perfecting it. When a new, updated edition of Reverse Diabetes Today (TM), is released, you get it for FREE! It’s easy – I will simply contact you through my private clients-only email list and send you instant download instructions so you can stay always up to date on the latest anti diabetes breakthroughs.

Free One-On-One Counseling With Matt Traverso For 3 Months

The Reverse Diabetes Today (TM) Program offers Exclusive Personal One-On-One Counseling. Yes, FREE private counseling, advice and guidance from a nutrition specialist and a life-long medical researcher are always just an email away. If in any time you feel confused, you can have your questions privately answered usually within 24 hours.

This advice is practically priceless.

You’ll always feel that someone is there for you…so you’re never left to deal with your diabetes alone. With this free and unlimited email support you can practically be sure that you are always on track, you are always encouraged, and… you’ll be able to complete the program more effectively and get quicker and greater results.

Choose Health Over a Medicine Cabinet Filled With Drugs.

The Reverse Diabetes Today (TM) plan will also give you healthy cholesterol levels and lower blood pressure naturally. So not only will you balance your blood sugar, you’ll drop your risk of heart disease and stroke as well! No drugs needed! Tinkering with blood pressure and cholesterol in a patient who already has dysfunctional blood sugar is ineffective and dangerous. And all these studies prove it.

Unfortunately, patients will keep dying until they heal diabetes at the most fundamental level, using diet and lifestyle modifications, like those described in the Reverse Diabetes Today (TM) program.

Reversing diabetes is truly quite simple. But powerful special interests, such as the drug industry and Big Medicine, don’t want you to know the truth.

And the truth they’re not telling you is that diet-and-lifestyle modification – as described in the Reverse Diabetes Today (TM) program – isn’t just the best way of reversing diabetes and returning to a normal, healthy life: It’s The Only Way!

Researchers call this “lifestyle modification”. And in study after study after Study, no diabetes drug is anywhere near as powerful. Dozens of clinical studies prove that diet-and-lifestyle modifications are safer, cheaper and vastly more effective than current drug treatments.

Let me give you three reasons:

And let me give you another reason: Doctors are brainwashed by drug salesmen. Drug companies spend a fortune to directly influence doctors.

Our best weapon against Diabetes — diet-and-lifestyle modification — isn’t being used!

Your best chance for a long, healthy life is to use the only strategy that’s been proven again and again to eliminate diabetes from your life: Changing your diet and lifestyle. Why? Because, again, diabetes is a dietary disease — a food-borne illness! — and you can’t cure dietary disease with drugs. No drug can replace nutrient deficiencies and repair cells suffering from cellular malnutrition and toxic damage.

This is truly your best chance to defeating diabetes once and for all. Will you grab hold? Will you take control of your health and follow this simple proven strategy to kick diabetes out of your life — and be free from all those sickening drugs you’re taking… free from the vicious cycle of pills, needles, symptoms, side effects, worry, exhaustion… free from concerns about always needing the help of your family and friends… free from anxiety, uncertainty, the constant level-checking or worrying about drugs or prescription schedules…

and free to live your days with the confidence of a full, healthy, happy life?

Or will you keep doing what you’ve always done, worrying about all the long-term diabetes complications and settling for a shot or a pill while watching your health deteriorate?

Remember, drugs commonly prescribed in the treatment of diabetes are NOT attacking the disease AT ALL; drugs are only designed to “treat” the symptoms, NOT the CAUSES.

And because these medications cause other health problems (side effects), your doctor ends up prescribing more drugs to “control” those new symptoms… which cause yet further “side effects”… and render your original medications less effective, so your doctor doubles or quadruples your original dosages… and this vicious cycle just goes on and on… And what awaits you is an implicit death sentence of heart disease… stroke… obesity… kidney failure… debilitating nerve damage (neuropathy)… dementia… blindness… impotence…amputations… and many other grim diabetes complications.

Simply because the underlying cause of your diabetes was never addressed.

The Reverse Diabetes Today (TM) System is by far the most effective system for restoring insulin production and blood sugar balance, more than 55,000 people have become completely diabetes-free. And you would expect to pay hundreds – perhaps even thousands – of dollars for a 100% clinically proven system, right?

It’s no exaggeration that the Reverse Diabetes Today (TM) program could easily save you tens of thousands of dollars in healthcare costs in your lifetime. Plus, you can’t put a value on adding happy and healthy years to your life.

And my purpose in life is to empower people to take charge of their own health and help them live their lives free of pain and disease, with extraordinary health and a zest for life. I’m committed to showing as many diabetes sufferers as possible the simple way to truly renewed health, a way to guide you through the most amazing transformation that you could ever have imagined. And it’s already happened for thousands of people just like you. Just look at all the testimonials above! These are real men and women who were once in your exact same position until they found this website. Nothing on the internet or even in book stores can compare to what you’re about to get your hands on.

Once you place your order, you will be directed to the download page, where you can download your Reverse Diabetes Today (TM) manual and get started IMMEDIATELY. The eBook is in PDF format, which can be viewed on all types of computers (PC or MAC). You can read it right on your computer screen, or you can even print out your own hard-copy. This download also includes access to the AUDIO version of the program.

Don’t Wait Another Minute!

High blood sugar and weight issues are not just warning signs that could mean trouble ahead. They’re trouble now.

They’re the first signs of an insulin resistance problem that can ultimately cost you your life. The time to act is now, while the damage can be avoided or reversed.

That’s all there is to it. Once you’ve downloaded your book, read the entire manual from cover to cover. Then take action and start immediately! The step-by-step instructions are written in a conversational tone and in plain English so you can start today!

Look at it this way: Your investment in this program is a drop in the bucket compared to what you’ll waste on worthless drugs and expensive surgery, not to mention the cost of your continued suffering through conventional treatments.

Get instant access to the download page 24 hours a day.

Download The Reverse Diabetes Today (TM) System Now

Imagine yourself in 2 to 3 weeks from now… Are you still suffering from diabetes…? Are you still suffering from the weight gain, the fatigue, the worry, the negative side effects of harmful drugs, and all the symptoms of diabetes that are dragging you down and putting your future at risk?

or… are you living a full active Diabetes free life, with absolutely no symptoms…enjoying vitality, more energy and health, living without inhibitions, without fatigue and without the other debilitating symptoms of Diabetes? The choice is yours…

You can choose to stick with the familiar… the needles, the drugs, the pain, the worry. Or you can choose to say yes to your future. Break free of your diabetes shackles and start living the life you’ve only dreamed about until now… with true inner and outer health.

You do have the power to transform yourself.

You can be diabetes-free!

I’ve seen hundreds of people (who used to think they couldn’t do anything to help themselves) suddenly discover the joy of their lives without diabetes. It’s up to you to choose your path. I sincerely hope you say yes to happiness, radiant health, and a long, full life.

If you’re sincerely interested in learning the truth about permanent Diabetes freedom, then you owe it to yourself to at least try the Reverse Diabetes Today (TM) system. Bear in mind that, tragically, many people in this world are going to keep looking for that fairy tale pill or quick fix treatment. But I don’t think you would have read this far if you were the type of person to follow the crowd. And by the way, just so you know, diabetes has never been cured by prescription drugs or insulin injections.

So if you want to get rid of your diabetes, not just “manage it”, then this breakthrough program is for you. This program is specifically designed for people who want to do what is best for their health and become completely nondiabetic in the fastest and safest way possible.

Sincerely, Your Friend and Coach,

Consumer health advocate and author of the Reverse Diabetes Today (TM) system

P.S. If you have any questions or concerns you’d like answered before you order, feel free to contact me at any time. Reverse Diabetes Today (TM) has already worked for over 55,000 men and women in 83 countries worldwide, and many of them had questions about the program before they started.

P.P.S. Remember: In 3 short weeks you could be completely diabetes free! No more expensive prescription medications or painful insulin injections. No more sticking your fingers and monitoring your blood sugar like a hawk. Don’t forget you get FREE personal consulting with me to guide you through recovery.

P.P.P.S. Start healing your diabetes right away! You can have a new future, a new body, a new mind, and a whole new you! You can have a life without prescription drugs, without insulin injections, and without those frustrating blood sugar tests. I’ll bet your fingertips deserve a break from that, huh?

Now, click the link below and let’s get started in regaining your life…

Click here to get "REVERSE DIABETES TODAY" – Your Diabetes Cure – Official Website at discounted price while it’s still available…

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