#chat also is it for you to carry the same intimacy and care from your 20 years of marriage onto said bestie of 9 months?

[effrvsnt107]

Alec doesn’t believe in religion and falls back on spirituality and fate in times of need when he cannot believe in himself, but he believes in Ellie unconditionally. Like he’s the only one to believe she knew nothing about Joe, he believes her when she tells him he isn’t alone, he believes her when she says it’s time to cut Claire.

#chat is it normal to believe in your friend more than the world after knowing them for 9 months #chat also is it for you to carry the same intimacy and care from your 20 years of marriage onto said bestie of 9 months? #i hope i don’t regret posting this in fandom tags #the perspect makes me scared #you can boo me but i’m right. alec and ellie are tied together unconditionally #alec hardy #ellie miller #broadchurch #nini rambles

[astarionfixation]

Chapter 12: *That'll teach me not to get all talkative…*

Part of "Am I Fu**ing Insane !?!" A multi chapter adventure in Astarion’s mind

Rating: Mature

CW: mentions of Abuse and Past Trauma, possibly body dysmorphia if you squint.

Word count count: 4k

Pairings: Astarion X OFC Tav

AO3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/54356776/chapters/142086958

I have a quite serious praise kink. Which also means compliments in the forms of tags and/or comments might very well spur me to write and post more

** Thoughts "" Dialogue - - Remarks ++ Quotes / Memories

SUMMARY: Just after they finally explore physically intimacy together, Astarion wakes up, she's drawing a bath, and they have a casual chat that turns to be quite vulnerable for both of them.

The water dripping insistently on his face seems unreasonable to be the source of the burbling sound. Astarion looks around and the curtains of water suggest the only reasonable place this could be is the cave behind a waterfall. He walks through the puddle and it feels warm… then again everything seems warmer than his skin since he lost his pulse. He's about to draw his arms through the falling water when he feels the grip at the base of his skull. He knows that feeling: it's not careless, it's actually measured to hurt as he can feel the nails not only scratching but digging into his scalp, his very thoughts dissolving as the pain is all that pervades him. The hand pushes him down, as he is forced to fall to his knees before his head is pushed underwater and even without the need to breathe the pain and panic completely overtake him. After an amount of time he would not be able to quantify through the terror, he feels the nails almost penetrating his scalp as he's pulled up by his grip, and he can hear his voice, as low as it is dangerous

“Lie to yourself boy, but not to me! You are mine. Forever!”

His eyelids are shut tight and then in a flash he takes a sharp inhale and manages to blink himself… aware… awake.

- -

The sound of running water is still present and now he can tell it's coming from behind  and it disorients him. His body fumbles between the bedsheets and turns enough to see… Her.

Still gloriously naked, the curtain just slightly open lets him evaluate the time to be around late afternoon. The sight of her tiptoeing around the large copper bathtub, filled with steaming water, brings him back fully to the present. His fingers go to his bottom lip to verify that indeed that wasn't part of the dream and the sting he feels on it is the consequence of her bite.

*If she wanted to make me lose control, she’s found an infallible way to do it*

He leans on his elbows to just keep watching her intently, focusing on the way her fingertips dip in the water and come out of it letting the water drip back down.

And the faint sound of water drops is enough to bring back the pain in his scalp, the authentic feeling of Cazador's nails digging in his own brain and his head now jerks and shakes to try and push the thought away but the sudden movement catches her attention.

“oh hello… I'm not used to seeing you sleep, I tried to keep quiet because I wanted to make sure you could rest, I hope I wasn't too noisy.”

She smiles sweetly at him before turning around and stepping closer to her portmanteau bag, always filled to the brim with herbs and oils, until she finds something to carry back from it towards the bathtub. As a few golden drops being to drip from the little amber bottle she seem to absentmindedly talk, almost just to herself

“I'm pretty certain you have a soft spot for rosemary, don't you? Until I figure out the other components of your scent I'll add lavender to it, they complement each other… they are technically from the same family… Lamiaceae…”

She raises her dark eyes to look directly at him with a softness and care that's close to what she got him used to, but for the first time she doesn't seem to keep that small part of herself away, the one always hidden by the mask, calm enough to feel detached, as if the world could fall *or I could quite literally sprout tentacles* and she would not be affected. 

And he almost wants to return that smile… though the pain from Cazador's grasp in his dream is still lingering on his scalp. He's stirring up now, his knees bent under the bedsheets enough for his arms to fold over them with his cheek resting on his own bicep as his scarlet eyes follow her movements as she continues to share details about plants and herbs he cannot quite focus on.

She doesn't need to know.

She doesn't need to hear any more of his pathetic neediness or any more pitiful confessions.

And he wouldn't know how to explain it anyway…

*How does it even make sense, that my mind drags me back to that…  the moment that for some reason my skin is not touching hers? What a wretched excuse for a creature I am…*

His expression must have betrayed something though, because she's now stopped in her tracks and swiftly moving towards him, her knees touching the edge of the bed and she crawls towards him with such urgency that he doesn't have time to think how incredibly tempting she looks because she's already reached him and of all the attacks his mind has concocted, glad to give up and let her do anything she deems fit to him, he just finds himself circled by her arms as she kneels and straddles one of his legs. Her delicate fingers threading and yet pulling his head to her and he finds himself inhaling the air that has been sweetened by the valley between her breasts. His arms circle her body almost instinctively pulling her closer to breathe her in.

“Would you like to take a soak with me?”

She could have asked without moving a single finger yet the feeling of her skin pressing on his is what takes the physical memory from his nightmare away, the pull on his scalp replaced by her sweet caresses as her fingers curl around his hair. Maybe she doesn't mean it, she doesn't understand how the comfort of her presence drags him further away every passing day from the past he'd much rather forget so maybe, hopefully, despite his inappropriate confessions that surely can be discounted to the heat of the moment, hopefully she does not understand how crucial she has become to him. His lips are already moving to beg her and just say *yes, please* but what he grasps onto as a shred of dignity ends up sounding like

“Of course, my darling”

And that might be as good an answer as any because the reaction of her body is just to hold him tighter to her as a soft, low hum of approval resonates in her chest and in his own head pressed against her. He can feel her lips pressing against the top of his head before she seems about to disentangle herself from him, which becomes immediately an unacceptable option, thankfully easily avoided as he swiftly brings his arms just under her armpits to then grab her by the waist and in a moment he's on his knees on the bed while he's holding her in his arms. One arm under her knees and the other circling her torso holding her close as he's effortlessly on his feet and everything has been so quick she's only just now letting out a surprised squeal while he's already halfway towards the tub.

“Please be careful Astarion! Please no! I'll fall! I'm too heavy for this!!!”

The simple idea her soft, delicate body could be anything but delightful to hold like this makes his soft laugh resonate in the room.

“Don't be silly my dear, I could carry you like this all day. In fact this might just be the way we travel from now on, you know? It would certainly make it easier for me and you wouldn't have a chance to trail behind every time a shrub catches your eye”

But he can feel her hands grabbing at his shoulders and make him fleetingly realise  *I need to put those nails of hers to use soon*. Her arms circle his neck and  it might really seem like… *Is she really scared? Is she worried I'll let her fall?*

“I'm just… like big cats, you know… no one's ever carried me, I don't think this can work on me!”

Her tone is urgent and she might actually not realise how soft and light her body is for him. He gently lets the arm under her knees give way once he's brought her over the tub and as the warm water touches her toes she quickly tries to disentangle herself to stand in the bath. The way the tub is raised from the floor leaves her standing taller, almost looking directly into his own eyes while her arms are still lingering around his neck. Her dark eyes are framed in a frown and her plump red lips arched in a pout that might genuinely mean that simple, almost mindless gesture of his might have actually worried her?

“Sweet thing…” his voice mellifluous as his finger goes to curl around one of her long dark locks before tucking it behind her ear

 “I think I'll have to spend some time getting in that pretty head of yours how adorably delectable your splendid body is. If you can feel in any way less than majestic and glorious then I've done a poor job in the last few hours at delivering that, and believe you me… I have nothing but time to convince you and make you feel as good about yourself as my eyes see your beauty”

Without waiting for a reaction his lips press softly against hers, the hand that caressed her hair now holds her head just behind her ear. It's just a soft peck but it speaks of devotion as much as ownership. 

“Besides…”

As his voice continues, measuredly low and sweet, he steps into the tub with a graceful movement of his long pale legs. He lowers himself in the water just behind the spot where she's still standing, her head slightly turned to follow his movements, and once his own hands rest on her hips and softly press down on her she follows his motions so that she is now cradled between his legs, circled by his arms around her waist pulling her body closer to his, her back to his chest and her backside softly pressing against his most sensitive parts.

“I am kind of hurt you don't remember our first night together… I carried you to your room just like that… effortlessly I might add, considering how your pretty little feet were stumbling upon everything they encountered”

He can feel the warmth of the water surrounding them which for once feels less scorching than usual, his own skin still a raised temperature from her blood coursing through his veins. A hand goes to gather her long dark hair to one of her shoulders and then to her side so that the naked skin of her back can press directly onto his chest as the arm around her waist pulls her closer still as he gets rewarded with a soft moan her lips let out at the closeness.

“I… I might not have been able to ask for your help had I not had more mead than blood in my veins that night… I didn't know how to get… closer to you… but I couldn't get you out of my mind anyway… so liquid courage had to do I guess… actually… I always wondered… Why did you stay?”

*That'll teach me not to get all talkative…*

His mind is rushing between options and the need to take time and weight his answer makes one of his hands relent his grip on her waist to bring his fingers to run gently on the inside of her arm, caressing the sensitive skin from her inner wrist, rhythmically pumping against his fingertips, following the blood flow to the inside of her elbow and back again.

“Well, how could I leave you in distress when you just seemed to need me… and only Me I might add… I'm sure a few of our conditional companions would have stumbled upon their feet too in an effort to get your attention for themselves… the wizard pushed his luck more than necessary for my comfort… I don't mean to gloat but I was only too pleased when you made our arrangement clear to everyone”

The arm circling her waist moves so that the palm of his hand can press flat against her stomach, pushing her body against his in a clear sign of possession followed by his lips pressed on the back of her head. His fingers, softly caressing her arm, ride up to her collarbone and then his arm disappears under hers, under the water, so that his fingers can begin to draw lazy circles around the sensitive area just under her breast.

“What do you think that says about your delectable body and the desires it inspires in others? Not that that should be the reason but suffice to say… if you think your body is anything less than perfect in the eyes of others… you're even more sweetly naive than I gave you credit for, my darling”

His words hang in the silence of the room filled only by her low breathing and soft heartbeat. He can feel her adjust herself between his legs, surely innocently and without any idea of what her simple stirring is doing to his own body until her head lays down upon his shoulder, her cheek softly pressed against his upper arm as her soft skin caresses his in a small, repeated movement to enhance their contact. After a slightly deeper inhale her soft voice reaches his ears again, pensive and matter of factly 

“You're so kind to me Astarion and truly I don't need anything else… I just… know my limits… and I've accepted them a long time ago… besides… I can make myself be appreciated, given enough time… I can cure a hangover quicker than most herbalists so I have acquired hidden qualities for people to like me… if they stick around…”

He can feel her shoulders shrug as the arm he caressed moves to find his hand once again so that her fingers are now interlaced with his own. His free hand halts his teasing to grip just under her breast, a little bit too tight as the thought of her past comes back to him.

“Is that what your mother told you? That you needed to serve others and be useful in order to have simple appreciation in return?”

Her body suddenly tenses and he instinctively holds her closer, the sound of moving, trickling water overtaking the soft breath from her chest as his nose nuzzles against her hair, close to her ear in a gesture he would usually consider sickeningly sweet for any other reason than to bring her comfort now and despite the mention of her abuser, a reminder of his presence and implicit promise to care and protect. Her voice comes out just as calm as usual, but the time alone it took her to form a response makes him aware of how difficult this must be for her

“I appreciate that if your master did the same  the idea could not attach itself to you… but alas I do still reflect in mirrors so I had reminders as to why I needed to count on something other than my looks to… earn my keep…”

It might have sounded like shyness before but at this point he's baffled

*She actually believes that…*

Then of course she had to pick at his vanity, as if his own ways to distract himself from torment in a semblance of narcissistic hedonism had not taught him well enough to focus on his looks, or rather the way people seemed enticed when they looked upon him, to delude himself enough and believe that all that flattery was indeed valuable for him too.

He's almost tempted to give in to that and let her continue, let her sing the praises of all the ways she adores the smallest detail of his body if it means she will never have the time to even begin to imagine anything remotely close to leaving him. Yet that hint of sadness can't seem to be shaken off and it eventually tumbles out of his own treacherous lips

“You don't know what you're saying, sweet thing…  let's just say his reminders of my constant inadequacy made having to share my body with strangers almost consoling… for the moment I could delude myself they actually liked me at least…”

He can feel her, her body moving against the still water and between his own legs to turn her head enough so that he can see her dark eyes caressing his own body, tip of his toe to his knee and as far back as her position will allow her…

“I’m sorry… I just meant… Have you ever been described as anything less than beautiful, Astarion?”

He can feel her cheek pressing upon the skin of his arm and the sudden warmth increasing… he can't see her face from this angle but… 

*Is she blushing?*

 Before he has a moment to consider the reason why, he can hear her voice so low, a  whisper, almost talking to herself, mumbling, yet the words still reach his pointy ears

“It's easy to see why your body alone ruined so many lives…”

In that instant, inexplicably, that small sentence, barely above a whisper she might have actually not intended for his ears, that is what brings back the dreaded clasp around his throat in a rush. 

Only for an instant. 

The instinct to fight it comes easy, out of habit really, and slipping in his charlatan mask is not only safe but also extremely convenient at this point

“Why, thank you sweetheart… though You'd be surprised… I wasn't always everyone's cup of tea… and at the end of the night I still had to bring prey back to Cazador's… beauty was nothing until I learnt to charm people…”

And that is the truth, a bit too much of it to be honest, and she doesn't need the gory details of the curse a desirable body can be for someone like him who had to live by someone else's desire and rule for centuries. His body used to answer the demands of his Master before he could understand what it even meant, yet he was haunted by his own sense of touch that made him the receptacle of caresses and beatings alike without ever having a saying in it…

“I understand them… I would have followed you too… if you had found me only a few years ago… I would have probably even thanked you for ending me in such a sweet way”

The image flashes in his mind: what if he had seen her in the streets one night? How could he have resisted the temptation to spend a few hours delirious in the delusion that she could have been his, willingly, believing the sweet lie that a pretty thing like her could have wanted him, that he was deserving of her care because she can't help but care. He knows the payment for that moment, gilded with a lying form of happiness, would have been her own life, like it was for so many others. The idea alone stings as if needles are traversing his chest and he cannot linger on it because he knows the truth: he would have indeed led her to her end. Just because she would have made him feel like he could pretend for a night to be the kind of person who deserved to be loved by someone like her.

“Stop talking like that. You are not… this is different… and there truly is no merit to my body… besides… it hasn't been mine for so long anyways…”

“I'm sorry… I didn't mean to say anything reductive… it's just been something I have been told since… ever really… she broke my spirit with that because she knew I couldn't change how I looked… and she made it very clear… what she gave me was the best I could hope for… as if anyone kind or beautiful would have ever even looked twice at something like… me”

*No… fuck this! No! I refuse to let her think that…*

His body moves just enough so that his hands can now grab her arms and turn her body flush against his, her back curving as her knees touch the bottom of the bathtub while he pulls her up to him so that her chest is pressed against his, her enchantingly pretty face looking up at him with a hint of surprise at the sudden movement. His eyes focus on the small red scratch on her bottom lip he caused himself just a few hours before

*Because she's so beautiful, if I left her unmarked I would have to fight them all off… and yet she has no idea*

If he stays too much on that sweetly innocent pout of hers the discussion might end prematurely between the sheets again and, delectable of an idea as that is, no… this feels important… necessary to get through to her

“Sweetling… you really don't know, do you? You are actually… so beautiful. Not just to me, not because I know how incredible you are… you really have no idea how captivating your pretty lovely eyes are, do you? Set within your face which seems to have been brought to life from a painting”

His eyes are fixed upon hers trying to highlight his own words. As her gaze shifts sheepishly to the side his free hand goes to capture one of her locks between his fingers as his other arm still circles her back, pulling her entire body to his

“How the softness of your long, dark curls frames you and how the contrast makes your skin sing a prayer of temptation to anyone who's ever set eyes on you?”

The hand circling her dips to the small of her back and then to the side caressing her waist and then gently grazing lower upon her hips

“How the dip below your ribcage forming your waist must have made people swoon as they followed the curve of you hips and the proportion alone would inspire anyone to become a poet if they thought it would give them a chance to have all the beauty you possess look them back in the eye as they long for you?”

The fingers still threading between her dark locks reach for her chin, pulling softly yet demanding for her eyes to meet his once again.

“Sweet thing… easy as it would be to build on those insecurities to make sure you never leave my side… I can't let you believe you are anything less than absolutely magnificent… and you'd have heard the others sing your praises too, trying desperately to get your attention, had I not been lucky enough to get into your graces first… now just… don't stray too far… and I won't have to regret this moment of honesty… deal?

“I… yes! deal! Of course, deal!”

He can feel her body press against his for purchase as she reaches for his lips, pressing quick, almost frantic pecks over his mouth, and he can feel her fumbling around though he realises his eyes must have closed shut because, before he can give it a sentient thought, he can feel she's now straddling his hips, her hands have somehow found the back of his neck and they cradle his head and thread through the curls at the nape as her lips keep peppering soft yet urgent little kisses all across his face. 

Surely innocently and without the least understanding of how this entire position is already doing things to him. 

His own hands reach for her waist and he tries to hold her gently but resolutely to still her movements

*or soon enough I will have to pin her to that mattress again and… fuck! she's just human… she's just human still… for now…*

His touch gets to her as she pulls away and stills, just enough for her dark eyes to bore into his own, she looks… excited but almost on the verge of tears at the same time. The reprieve allows for his thoughts to come back and as his hands begin rubbing her sides gently he speaks every word slowly as if measuring the honey each and every syllable is drenched with

“Good, then with such an enthusiastic Yes, you can consider yourself well and truly taken, my darling”

#astarion #baldurs gate astarion #bg3 astarion #astarion fanfic #astarion x oc #astarion x reader #ao3 fanfic #astarion x tav #bg 3 #astarion ancunin #astarion angst #bg 3 fanfic #astarion bg3 #baldur's gate astarion #astarion smut #bg3 #baldur's gate smut #tav x astarion #astarion fic #astarion fanfiction #astarion fluff #bg3 smut #astarion romance #astarion pov #soft dom #soft dom astarion #dom astarion

[justice4canyonmoon]

An Evening Off

Summary: Both Y/n and Harry have a rare night off. Y/n has relaxing plans for how they should spend it.

Notes: Howdy! This is probably the last fic I’m going to post for the next two weeks; I have finals for college next week, and I have a fuck ton of work this week because professors love to give students everything at once 🙃 Anyway, I came up with the very fluffy concept because I crave emotional intimacy, so I hope you like it!!!!

Warnings: cursing ig. otherwise just a lot of fluff and taking a bath together 🥰

WC: 1.9k

Y/n was feeling lonely.

Her boring ass office job didn’t produce too many friends for her. While the people she worked with weren’t the absolute worst, they were just, well, bland. Their lives were cookie-cutter. The closest thing any of them had experienced to a true adventure was a trip to IKEA. Her two best friends, Maria and José, were across the country, since she had moved from one coast to another to live with her boyfriend. Sure, she could FaceTime them, but it just wasn’t the same. And after the call, she knew she’d just be more lonely than before.

Harry wasn’t an option either. He was working, far too hard for her liking. She understood, of course; it was album crunch time. He had to make all of the last minute decisions: finalizing the tracklist, photoshoots, and touch-ups on the chosen tracks in the studio. But she missed him. The only times she saw him anymore was right before bed, when he would stumble into the room sleepily and kiss her forehead before going right to sleep. So yeah, she was a bit lonely. And being alone on her day off wasn’t exactly the plans she wanted to have.

Luckily, the universe decided to answer her pleas. At around 1:00, after she had finished up a late shower, her phone buzzed with a text from her beloved.

H: Hi, baby! The only thing we have left on the agenda today is touching up a couple of the album tracks, so I should be home a bit earlier :D If you’d like, I can pick up some dinner on the way home.

She couldn’t help the huge grin that spread across her face. For the first time in ages, the two of them could finally have some time together! Maybe she could do something nice for him! He had been working so hard lately, he deserved it. And honestly, she did, too. An idea popped into her head, and she threw open the bathroom closet, taking a look through her bath supplies. She grinned triumphantly as she pulled out a citrus bath bomb, knowing that Harry enjoyed the calming scent of orange and lemon. A nice bath would not only help Harry destress, but it would also be the perfect cure to the loneliness that was settling in her heart. She quickly texted Harry a reply as she set the bath bomb aside.

Y/n: Sorry about the wait, babe, was just taking a shower. Forgot to this morning lol

He answered pretty much right away, making her smile.

H: It’s okay, baby! No need for apologies :)

Y/n: Okay! I’m excited to actually get to spend some time with you! I could really go for curry, if you’re up for Indian takeout.

H: Curry sounds good to me! I’ll probably be home between 6 or 7! I have to go now, but I can’t wait to see you :) I love you so much!!!!

Y/n: Can’t wait to see you, either, Har!!! I love you, too 💕💕

“Baby, ‘m home!”

Y/n looked at the clock. It was 7:30, a bit later than what Harry had said through text, but still much earlier than usual. She leapt up from the couch and sprinted to the front door, tackling Harry in a hug. He laughed loudly and wound his free arm around her waist, not fully able to hug her back because of the takeout bag in his arms.

“Let me put the food down so I can give y’ a proper hug.”

She let go with a small pout on her face, which Harry promptly kissed off while setting the bag down. He then wrapped her in a tight, two-armed embrace. She melted at the contact, resting her head on his chest and hugging him back just as tightly. He leaned down and kissed the top of her head, then rested his head on top of hers.

“Miss you, Har,” she said, her speech slightly muffled from talking into his t-shirt.

She could feel him frown against her hair, “I miss y’ too, Y/n. The album should be done by the end of the month, and then ‘m all yours until tour starts.”

“Good. I was gonna break into the studio and steal you back myself if you weren’t done soon.”

He chuckled, “I don’ think Jeff would like that very much.”

“Fuck Jeff! I need you back here,” she scoffed.

“I certainly hope y’ don’ want t’ fuck Jeff.”

She rolled her eyes, “You’re annoying.”

He grinned cheekily, “But yet y’ still here.”

“Lord only knows why,” Y/n grumbled, though there was a smile on her face.

They pulled away reluctantly, both realizing how hungry they were. The two chowed down on chicken curry and naan while chatting about their day. Y/n spent most of her day off watching The Great British Bake-Off and snuggling with Daiquiri, their black lab. Harry had been putting the finishing touches on three of the album songs (“I can’ wait to play them f’ y’, baby”), and ranted about the traffic coming home (“I would’ve gotten home 45 minutes earlier, but the freeway was ridiculously clogged up!”). It was domestic in a way that Y/n never thought she would have, and she loved every second of it.

When everything from dinner was cleaned up, Y/n figured now was as good a time as any to reveal her plans for the rest of their evening.

“Hey, Har,” she paused, then continued when she heard his hum of acknowledgment, “would you want to take a bath with me?”

He raised an eyebrow, “Is this a ploy t’ get me naked?”

“No,” Y/n said bashfully, “I just thought it would be nice to take a bath together. I found a citrus bath bomb at the back of the closet, and I thought it would be relaxing for us.”

Harry’s eyes softened and he smiled gently at her, “That sounds perfect, love. Y’ too sweet.”

The two made their way to the bathroom, hand in hand. Y/n plucked the bath bomb from the closet and laid it in the tub, turning on the warm water. The water became a pastel shade of yellow, reflecting the lemony scent of the bath bomb. As she was checking the temperature, a pair of tattooed arms wrapped around her waist, and a kiss was pressed to her cheek. The heat radiating off of his body led her to believe that Harry had already rid himself of his clothes. When she turned around, her suspicions were confirmed.

“You work fast,” she commented, making a humming sound when the temperature was to her satisfaction.

“A bit,” he confirmed, leaning over to turn off the nozzle “just wanna take a bath with y’, love. Speaking of, let’s get those pesky clothes off of y’, shall we?”

Y/n nodded and Harry reached forward, almost reverently lifting her (his) sweatshirt over her head. She shimmied out of her leggings and removed her undergarments. She stepped into the bath first, gesturing for him to follow. He obeyed, and sat between her legs, resting his head on her shoulder. The two sat in silence for a while, basking in each other’s company. Y/n couldn’t remember a time where she had felt this at peace. But she also knew that Harry had forgotten to shower that morning since he was nearly late to the studio, so she reached over and grabbed some soap and a washcloth. She looked down at him and giggled softly when she realized he was almost asleep

“Wake up, baby,” she crooned, “let me wash you.”

“‘M awake,” he muttered, “promise.”

“Sure you are, that’s why your eyes are closed,” Y/n teased.

He only hummed in response, making her giggle again. She kissed his forehead and began washing him gently. The soft circles she was rubbing into his skin with the washcloth were soothing, and a sleepy smile made its way onto his face.

“‘Y always take such good care of me. Dunno how I got s’ lucky.”

Y/n felt her face grow warm as she reached for the shampoo, “I think I’m the lucky one. You always take care of me, too.”

She began rubbing the shampoo into his silky locks. Breathy gasps fell from his lips as she tugged lightly as his hair, working the shampoo into his curls.

“Feels s’ good,” he murmured.

“Glad you’re feeling good, Har,” Y/n replied in a hushed tone.

She rinsed his hair and repeated the process with the conditioner. By the time she had finished, Harry had fully fallen asleep on her shoulder. She cooed softly at how adorable he looked. He was like an angel; his long lashes were speckled with little water drops, his wet hair stuck to his forehead in an oddly endearing way, and a small smile was spread across his lips. He looked so relaxed in a way that Y/n hadn’t seen in a while. The bath helped her feel more at ease too; the monotonous motions of washing Harry made the stress from her job melt away, and the loneliness that had plagued her earlier in the day was washed away by the warm water. But she knew she had to wake Harry. She wasn’t quite strong enough to carry all six feet of him back to their bedroom.

Y/n gently jostled his shoulder and whispered, “Harry. Need you to wake up, baby.”

He groaned softly, making her giggle softly once more. His eyes slowly blinked open to reveal his jade irises, and he stumbled his way out of the tub, making her laugh a little harder as she followed. Y/n got out two towels and dried them both off, knowing that Harry was much too tired to do it on his own. She took his hand and walked toward their bedroom.

When they reached the bedroom, Y/n guided Harry to sit on the bed while she picked out sweats for both of them to wear to sleep (she knew that Harry had a particular fondness for when she wore his clothes to bed, so she got out his clothes for both of them). Harry pliantly moved his limbs as she clothed him, and watched her with moony eyes as she pulled on her own sleepwear.

“Look s’ pretty in m’ clothes, love,” he complimented, relishing in the shy smile that appeared on her face.

“Thank you, Har. Let’s get you to bed, okay?” she replied.

Y/n turned off the light and joined Harry on the bed. He was already lying on his side, so she wound her arms around his waist, resting her head between his shoulder blades. Usually, he was the big spoon, but with the whole mood they had set all night, it just felt right for her to be the one cuddling him. Y/n barely heard Harry mumble a “g’night. Love you,” before his breathing evened out. She smiled and closed her eyes, reflecting on the day. Just spending one evening with her boyfriend made her feel right as rain, and the loneliness that had once threatened to overtake her was totally gone. Though she had been taking care of him that night, he was also taking care of her. And sure, they were both going back to work tomorrow, but in two weeks, Harry would be done with the album and would be all hers. When sleep finally overtook her, all she had were the most pleasant of dreams.

#harry styles #harry styles x reader #harry styles x you #harry styles fluff #harry styles fic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fanfic #harry styles blurb #harry styles imagine

[silverrstarrr]

Headcanons of Eren with a Black s/o!🍡

(Happy black history month babes! Remember blm isn't just in this month but all year long :p)

‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿

• You guys most likely met in your high school years.

• I feel as if Eren would stare a lot at you during freshman year. Not in a bad way but in a Curious/adoring way. I mean all his friends are white lmao💀

• He probably approached you during a class period you guys have together.

• I don't think he would be ignorant? But he'll most likely ask to touch your hair.

• Maybe you have braids, locs, or passion twist or your natural curls out/4c Afro—doesn't matter, he'll ask to touch your hair.

• Of course you can decline and tell him no, he won't really fuss over it. He'll even apologize.

• But trust me, he's going to keep staring 😭 he thinks you're really pretty, don't worry ;)

• He won't care about your Skintone/shade, lightskin, brownskin, dark-skinned. He likes them all, I don't see Eren ever have a preference in girls in general.

• Whoever he likes, he likes.

• You guys hit it off in your freshman year.

• He'll ask a lot of questions about you and your culture and your hair

"Hey, why do you wear braids??"

"Is your hair really this long? Wow 😁"

• PLEASE LMAO, I TAKE THESE AS AN INSULT BUT I KNOW HE'S JUST HE CURIOUS 😭

• You'll have to explain to him about your hair.

• You guys most likely snapped and he sent a streak of him getting out the shower and his hair is wet.

• You'll go on about how you can't wash your hair everyday, that you have a certain wash day and his reaction is like "😲"

• Poor baby is like "woooow" and ever since then, he's been hook up to learn about your lifestyle, your family, cookouts, etc. He just wants to know you.

• He calls you pretty a lot.

• Not in a flirtatious way just because he thinks YOURE really pretttyyyy. He's just stating the obvious queen🙄❗

• He offered to go to the Beauty supply store once or twice to buy your weave/pick out the next color. Or he'll just accompany you.

• Also would pick out your next nail color, maybe hairstyle.

• He doesn't care if you wear lakefront, wigs, braids, or natural. He believes they're all beautiful. Plus he understands that our hair need protective hairstyles and can't really, yjehehejehwhww iykyk.

• During BHM, he would do the mossstt.😭

• He'll buy you food and buy you hairproducts.

• He'll constantly post about African American stories on his social media.

• Talked Armin into making a poem about discrimination and racism then made him read out loud to you in the hallway😭

• Would buy a BLM shirts for him Mikasa and Armin.

"Look y/n! We're supporting your people. Remember we're on your side. BLM!!"

• IM CRACKLING TOO MUCH LMAOOOO.

• Don't worry, he's has the right attitude but mann💀

• Depends on the type of person you are: you probably confronted them and told them to relax. Or, you dealt with it and the embarrassment 😭

• You most likely ask him for Reparations 🙄❗🤞

• He deadass would give you them.

• He'll be confused at first and probably wouldn't  even understand the word 💀

• But he'll give you money though LMAO.

This was 15 year old Eren, moving on to when he's older.

‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿

• You guys are older. You've been introduced to the rest of his friend squad. Jean, Connie, Marco, sasha etc.

• Jean most definitely thinks you're pretty and fell for you at first sight. Eren didn't like this at all.

• Eren never really understood why he didn't like it when Jean played in your braids. Eren then started to purposely make you lay between his legs so he play with your braids before Jean could.

• They probably reacted the same as Eren about regarding your hair.

• Eren would take it upon himself to explain and even tell them about Lace fronts, sew ins, braids, etc

• He'll probably show off about  how much he knows about your hair.

• Eren would ask to help you with your hair.

• He most likely looked up YouTube videos about how to plate hair or how to deal with your hair type in general.

• You could probably teach him. He wouldn't understand the first time but with practice, he's pretty good. Not better than you though 🙄🤞❗

• Carries Hair ties, brushes and combs on him just for you.

• You also carry hair ties for him because of his long hair.

• You're the person who even puts his hair into that sexy ahh man bun🤨❗

• Most likely help you on wash day. Massages oil into your scalp.

• Supplies you with hairproducts.

• Likes it when you play in his hair. During PE, you guys would sit on the bench. Him between your thighs relaxing as you caress his hair.

• You guys look so cute and perfect while doing this. Connie and Sasha would always tease you about being Eren's gf.

• Loves your food! Like literally, he's in love with it.

• During the summertime, you invited him to a cookout. A lot of your family members stared at him but you know, they're accepting and gave him some food, chatted him with etc.

• Ever since then, he would always ask your mom to come over for dinner or save him a Plate lmao😭

• Sometimes if you were to cook, he'll be in the kitchen watching you

"Why are you watching me?"

"I wanna watch you so I can learn to cook your food and surprise you one day with it."

"Suurree but you can't out-cook me."

• He'll then smirk and accept that challenge.

‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿

Sorry I just realized I've only been talking about yall friendly part, lemme get into more intimacy 🥲

• He always have his hands on your hips, waist or ass.

• Maybe you're cuddling in the library or something, his hands are on your ass.

• Black women naturally have curvy bodies In my opinion. And curvy can mean thick, skinny or in the middle. They're still curves.

• He loves kissing your lips. Either that or your neck.

• When you're walking together he always have his hand around your waist.

• Eren seems like the type to hug you from behind and kiss the top of your head.

• I dont think he's big on PDA but that doesn't mean he won't do it.

• You're talking to Jean? Wraps his arms around your waist from behind and places his head on your shoulder- kissing your neck.

• If you so happen to have thay dump trunk in the back, he'll always caress it, give it a pat or smack it. But in the most sly way ever.

You're in the hallway, chatting up with Jean. You guys are discussing the topics of what was recently covered in class. Jean cracks a joke about how the teacher was talking and their looks. You laugh at the small insults he was throwing at your professor. Eren recently just left his class a few doors down from where you and Jean was. He notices your long box braids from down the hall and sees a tall male walking alongside with you. Eren quickly caught up with you guys. As he walked passed you, his hands slides over and grabs a good squeeze from your ass. Naturally you wouldn't mind but for some reason you got embarrassed and flustered. Most likely it was because Jean was there. Before you could respond  and complain to him, he leans over and places his lips against yours. Obviously, you kiss him back as his free hand grabs your chin, deepening the kiss. It was passionate. The kiss was probably to make up for his sudden actions but it was also because he missed your presence and touch. The way your lips felt against his own, his hands grasping and holding your hips rolled, everything. Jean rolled his eyes,

"Okay lovebirds, I get it." You break away from Eren with a small smile. You turn towards  Jean with an apologetic look, since he did just kiss you in the middle of a conversation.

Jean nodded and said his goodbyes, he'll catch up with you another. Watching as his figured faded within the crowd, you turn towards Eren and smack his arm. He let out an "ow" in response.

"Eren, what was that for? I usually don't mind it but we were chatting."

He lets out a soft groan and buries his head into your neck. He released the grip on your rear and just lays it there as his other hand slips down and does the same. You tap his back and he raises his head from it's previous position. You give him a few quick pecks, wrapping your arms around his neck, he quickly to returns the small kissed back. You both smile at one another, letting out a small giggle.

"Its okay baby, I miss you too." You peck his cheek for the last time.

"We can walk home together after school, meet me at my last period class." 

Eren face brightens up when you say those words. Mann, this boy was in love. The bell rang and you notice all the kids scrambling to get to class. He releases his arms from you and grabs your hand as you both scurry along to your next period class.

He drops you off and waves at Armin and Marco that happens to be in your last period.

"Remember your promise y/n!!" He said as he walked off to the direction of his class.

You rolled your eyes jokingly and settled in to class.

‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿

Okay bonus:

I feel as if Eren would talk you into making those tik toks that beautiful darkskin/brownskin woman do with makeup and their cute ass hair. Of course you'll end up doing it because he kept hyping yo ass up and wouldn't let it down.

The video actually goes viral and gets a decent 345k likes with 1.1m views. Some of the kids in school  came across the video and started chatting up with you. Even some guys you never knew before started to hit you up but Eren gets so Jealous and has you hold his hands always in the halls 😭

Okay thank you loves! Please request/suggest things for him. I don't mind doing one of these for Jean, Connie, etc. Next up are my jjk men 🤨❗

#eren headcanons #eren x reader #eren yeager #eren jeager #eren yeager x reader #eren yeager x you #x reader #attack on titan #aot x black reader #eren x black reader #levi ackerman #eren smut #eren fluff

[lavandermin]

if all stars fell at once (4) | xiao

pairing | xiao/reader

word count | 3.1k

genre | fluff, light angst, developing relationship, overall domestic

warnings | light smut, eventual smut

Routine.

Defined as habitual tasks you partake in on a regular basis. These monotonous daily routines are what provided a grasp of control amid the uncontrollable and brought you order in a time of uncertainty.

The dawn of a new day started with the bittersweet greeting of the mourning doves’ songs. It gently tugged your consciousness forward, your weary limbs stretching out beneath warm covers. Your eyes would peek open and be greeted by the same dull room, bed tucked in a far corner. The sheets over old furniture still haunted you, the house inherited by past ghosts of memories.

It was a husk you resided in, perhaps a tomb you inherited. And as with every morning, you push the thought away.

A quick wash-up and breakfast helps kickstart your day before you’re off to run any errands listed off in your mind already. Fresh morning dew still glistens on the grass when you leave.

Days where errands would carry you to the harbor would have their own side routine you knew fairly well. Checking Bubu Pharmacy for any medicine pickups for the village elders, a quick chat with Ganyu as you passed her during one of her duties, a passing stop to the markets by the docks for supplies, and the occasional prolonged stay for lunch per the invitation of Zhongli and his courteous acquaintance. Every week, just like clockwork.

The busy day would wind down near the docks, watching the waves as they crashed upon rocks and taking in the scent of the sea spray that swept by you with it’s breeze. If you closed your eyes, the sounds of the sea and bustling voices of the harbor would meld together into one— a comforting cacophony of background noise to keep you grounded before the harbor’s relentless energy swept you away.

The city was a little much for you. It made you miss the tranquility of the small place you resided in tucked far back in the village.

And so everyday your heels pointed back towards home, ending with a meal in between more work you buried yourself in until odd hours of the night.

This was the routine you came to know with seldom any out-of-the-ordinary variation.

And then, curiously, slowly, the yaksha you came to befriend incorporated himself into the routine— first embedded into your routines and soon enough ever-present in your heart. Perhaps you could say that he altered your habits for the better.

Nowadays, leaving the harbor after errands is pleasant. No longer does the road back to Qingce isolate you into your thoughts. The sun that casts mesmerizing hues upon the sky as it sets leaves a pleasant warmth on your face. You look forward to his name on your tongue.

‘Xiao.’

The summon rings out clearly amidst his tumultuous headspace, bringing brief peace with the familiarity of the voice. In an instant he’s at your side, the ominous mist that enveloped him subsiding. There's a wordless question in his eyes as he shyly laces his fingers with yours.

With a light squeeze of his hand, you reply, “Let’s go home.”

There’s a pleasant silence that accompanies these walks, his hand firmly holding yours as if you might slip through his grasp at any given moment. On occasion, he would ask how your day went just to hear your voice. Though he wasn’t fond of the crowded hustle and bustle of the harbor, hearing your little enthusiastic retelling was enough to leave him with vivid imagery. Your voice was his comfort.

Arriving home has also taken on a newfound normalcy. With Xiao around, the once-empty house you inherited no longer feels foreign. Finally, with sure conviction, you can say it feels like your own.

Shelves that were once scarce with items and decor were now neatly arranged with ornaments and small handcrafts that Xiao has given you. The bookshelf that was once littered with dust and cobwebs is now rich with rows of books of all sorts. Even tables and bedside stands that were once empty are now always adorned with flowers that you and Xiao pick while out stargazing. These items are glimpses into the new pastimes you treasure to make time for.

Today was one such day where the breeze was pleasant as the sun tucked away for the night. However instead of being outside, you chose to take up comfort reading indoors. There on a pile of blankets and pillows you sat comfortably, Xiao resting his head on your lap to intently listen to you read aloud.

The adeptus reminded you of a cat that’s getting comfortable with a stranger they keep meeting. The spots he chose to rest on were getting much closer in proximity, but never directly on you. That is, until you boldly asked if he would like to rest on your lap and he settled there gratefully with your permission.

You closed the book, running your hand through his hair to get the yaksha to open one eye. “Are you sure you want to hear me read this poem book again? I’m sure you know it by heart at this point,” you pointed out with a laugh. “Why don’t you choose a book this time?”

There was a moment of contemplation before Xiao relented and went to search through the many book spines readily available. A glistening stone caught his attention again—his hand visibly hesitating for a moment.

You leaned your body over a bit from your comfortable pillow haven, curious as to what book he would select. Part of you expected him to select a random one off the bookcase, and was surprised to have a quaint little red book placed in your hands.

“I’ve been meaning to ask… about this one,” Xiao started, his face neutral but betrayed by the twinge of pink that was hidden by the dimness of the lamplight.

“This is…?”

He shrugged. “The subject of this book— is this something you like?”

Confused, you opened the cover. Inscribed on the inside in unmistakable cursive was a message from a certain librarian— a friend. Your brows creased, mouth pressed in a thin line as your eyes skimmed over the note the particular librarian left. A subtle feeling of dread crept over you.

‘Hey cutie, sent you a few goodies that were offloaded from our catalogue this season. Thought you might enjoy this one to spice things up a bit. I know how curious you were about the forbidden section, so here’s a little glimpse for you.’

Oh no… You quickly skimmed through some pages of the book that felt hot in your grip. Or perhaps it was your entire body flushed with embarrassment at the lewd imagery the story portrayed

“I–I didn’t… I d–didn’t know Lisa sent this along with the other books. This book— I haven’t read before so… um…” You anxiously bit your lip, voice growing quieter the more you went on. “I–It was a gift. I didn’t know.”

Xiao hummed, hand grazing your reddened cheeks curiously as you fanned your face. There was practically steam rolling off you.

“So,” Xiao started cautiously, “The things the book spoke of— it’s not something you like?”

If you were red before, you couldn’t possibly imagine how you looked now.

“N–No! I mean— Yes. I mean—!” You fumbled over your words, flustered over such an erotic novel unknowingly being in your possession.

“So, it makes you… happy?”

“Xiao— Stop, please— I’m going to die of embarrassment,” you squeaked into your hands.

His persistent curiosity would be the death of you at this rate. You buried your face under a pillow, too overwhelmed by the suggestive images still swirling in your head.

A little dumbfounded by your reaction, Xiao could only watch your huddled form hide away as he awkwardly rubbed your back in an attempt at reassurance.

The adeptus finally gained a bit of your attention, quietly inquiring, “Do you not wish to talk about that type of subject?”

The grip on your pillow slowly eased up, partially uncovering your face to meet his gaze. There wasn’t an ounce of discomfort on his face, and it was reassuring save for the fact that you were the one needing to explain.

“It’s not… that I don’t want to. Intimacy like— that—“ You pointed accusingly at the book now in his hands. “Is something, uhm, highly emotional— in a good way! Ah, what am I saying… It’s an act of love and bonding with a significant other, so to speak. Usually. Ah— it’s a little complicated.”

As you fumbled with your train of thought, his hand slowly placed itself over yours, thumb brushing over your knuckles. It drew your little state of panic to a close, feeling him press his lips to your forehead in a moment of soft distraction. It quickly brought a small thankful smile to your lips.

Kisses made you happy. This was a fact Xiao had learned.

“Let’s talk about it another time. Do not stress yourself over it.”

You nod timidly, choosing to hide your face in the crook of his neck. “...Okay.”

Xiao leaves not too long after, disappearing into the shadows to diligently tend to his duties. Sleep finds you quicker when he’s not around, though your mind is still tumultuous.

You had half a mind to go straight to Mondstadt and give Lisa a stern reprimand, not that she would care. If anything, it would fuel her amusement and her teasing would become more unbearable especially when your heart could barely handle Xiao boldly initiating displays of affection. That librarian was more perceptive than her languid facade let on.

For the time being you buried the cursed erotic book within cluttered closet boxes and called it a night.

Out of sight, out of mind.

—

A bead of sweat rolling down his temple caught a glimmer of the pale moon watching over him. Beasts that were affected by his karmic debt laid strewn across the battlefield. It weighed heavy on his mind, a distasteful reminder of increasing demonic activity with the Lantern Rite a few weeks away.

There was a light burning sensation that twinged Xiao’s calves and arms, and he rolled his shoulders to relieve his muscles from the fatigue of ceaseless combat. His tired muscles were just about ready to turn in for the night and make his way to Wangshu Inn.

But he paused. The voice tugged at his mind.

‘Xiao…’

There was no mistaking it. It was your voice.

The ache in his muscles was an issue for later. There was strain in your voice, evident discomfort. The reason was uncertain but as much as Xiao wanted to deny it, he was alarmed ever so slightly.

A blur of black mist was all it took and he was gone under the serene moonlight. When he found you, his guard was high with lingering confusion. An intruder was his first thought.

A quick walk around the house, footsteps lighter than the breeze that accompanied him. Nothing. No other presences detected either.

‘You called me, but why?’ Xiao questioned.

The bed gently dipped with quiet creaks where he sat next to you, brushing his thumb over your cheek. Your peaceful sleep was broken as your brows slightly furrowed, breathing slightly labored with small whimpers you let out.

“...X–Xiao,” you quietly whimpered amidst your sleep.

Ah, you had summoned him in your sleep then. How odd. It was a first, to say the least, but he couldn’t be upset with you.

‘Another nightmare…?’

Just how bad could a nightmare be that you would desperately call his name in your sleep, he wondered? But a promise was a promise. He was determined to rid you of your ailments if it was within his power.

The yaksha took in a deep breath, focusing himself fully before slowly exhaling a puff of dark mist. The aches in his body went ignored.

Dearest dream eater, won’t you save her?

—

The sound of his footsteps pacing a dark corridor— humid, stuffy as he pressed forward following the muffled sound of your voice. It’s something he will never forget though he feels he should.

To feel haunted by a dream’s fragments that refuse to vanish is something he should laugh at. It’s not real.

Then why?

Bits and pieces are burned into his memory. Perhaps in a torturously pleasant way he never really imagined. Blame it on him never finding someone he considered such private feelings with.

Xiao did not stay that night after consuming the dream, nor did he come back to check on you come morning as he usually did. On the tiled roof of Wangshu Inn he lays, brows furrowed and a strange warmth pooling throughout his lower torso.

The memory is unlike others that plague him, though it causes him inner turmoil with the increased bodily frustration.

Those eyes… haunt him. The smugness on the face that stared back at him then was enough to piss him off. The reasons festering in his tightened chest he couldn’t quite explain. The fragments would rewind and play, rewind and play, over and over since that night.

‘So,’ the familiar red stranger began with an amused smirk. ‘Looks like the yaksha really will answer any call of his name.’

They made it a point to maintain eye contact as they pressed their lips to your temple, arms holding your back flush against his chest.

Those piercing jade eyes— a mockingly similar exterior. It was like Xiao stared at a twisted reflection of himself conjured by your dream, the red accents in his hair and clothes a fiery scarlet akin to the bubbling anger he felt upon seeing the illusion lay its hands on you. The fact that they spoke in his same voice was enough to raise a rumbling growl within Xiao’s chest.

Quiet huffs left your parted lips as your chest heaved, a scarlet sash tied over your eyes like a blindfold.

‘Xiao, I–‘ Your body shivered at the feeling of his hands gliding over the inside of your thighs. It made you let out an involuntary whimper, cheeks aflame with arousal.

‘That’s enough,’ Xiao commanded the dream illusion of himself through gritted teeth.

The scarlet-hued Xiao shifted you in his lap, his lips set in a mocking smirk as his hand slipped between your legs to elicit sweet mewls from your parted lips. What Xiao wouldn’t give to conjure his spear then and there to wipe that irksome grin off his own face.

The illusion hummed, making it a point to place a kiss to the swell of your exposed chest. ‘Surely you don’t mean to ignore our person’s feelings? Or our own, for that matter. How crude of you, adeptus, to try and stop something she begged me for— something our body clearly begs for, as well.’

‘Quiet.’

The silence was deafening, though the illusion only seemed to stop momentarily out of amusement in seeing how long the real Xiao could uphold such a serious facade. Internally, he battles with two new emotions he hadn’t experienced before— jealousy and arousal. Somehow, because he could channel a warrior's rage through jealousy, the other warm feeling seemed to be drowned out. For now.

‘Silence me all you’d like. Deny your desires until you grow numb, for all I care. But for your human, these desires are your bond,’ the illusion persuaded, unbothered by the icy daggers Xiao glared through him. ‘Isn’t that right, my love?’

His fingers slowly working at the sweet, throbbing ache between your legs left you unable to form any coherent thoughts. Perhaps it was deliberate so your mind was elsewhere, drowning in a hazy pleasure. The gasps and mewls leaving your shaking body were slowly getting to the adeptus. Ironic, just how similar to that stupid book this was.

Xiao scoffed, and prepared himself to finish what he had sought out to do. ‘I don’t concern myself with desires. I’ve had enough of you.’

As Xiao unraveled and crumbled the dreamscape around him, the illusion remained smiling with sly intention.

‘Dishonesty will get you nowhere, Adeptus Xiao. She will be forced to forget this dream, but these feelings you both harbor cannot be erased so easily.’ The illusion lifted the ribbon from your eyes, leaving Xiao momentarily frozen.

Eyes are the windows to the soul, and what he saw in those misty eyes left his body aflame— confused. His tongue darts out to lick his lips, and he swallows thickly.

Once you get a taste, a dormant desire will begin to flourish.

The sly illusion holds their hand out invitingly, jade eyes unreadable as they scrutinize Xiao’s movements. It’s hesitant— the small step forward he takes.

‘What are you waiting for, adeptus?’

—

There’s a harsh gust of wind that blows through, the skies of Liyue harbor a dull grey with the rolling storm. The crashing sounds of waves upon the rocks below the docks resonate with your tempestuous heart. Weary eyes scan the horizon of the uneven sea, looking past the peaks of Guyun Stone Forest in the distance. You cling onto the hope of catching a glimpse of something— something to ease your worrisome heart.

“It’s been a few weeks,” you note quietly, the door of the balcony clicking shut as you walk back into the warm home office.

Yanfei answers without looking up, her hands still furiously scribbling on the parchments that have slowly accumulated into a towering pile. “He’s probably busy. With what exactly, I wouldn’t know— but I’m sure you have a better idea.” She sighs, regretting the coldness of her blunt tone. She adds in a softer tone, finally looking up, “Sorry, I’m not much help if it’s not consultation involving the law.”

The legal adviser can only watch helplessly as your eyes drift back to the window to gaze out beyond the sea’s horizon.

“He’s going to the Lantern Rite festivities with you, right?”

You turn back enough to meet her hopeful gaze with a sad smile. The silence is all the answer she needs.

“Was that a stupid question to ask?”

You shake your head, and turn your face back to the window so she can’t look further into the feelings you try to conceal.

The Lantern Rite was in a few days, and Xiao was nowhere to be seen. Though there've been occasions where you hardly saw him, this… this time was different. It was a feeling you couldn’t shake off and it filled you with uneasiness.

The thought of calling his name and receiving no answer terrified you. Doubt was quick to grip your mind in a vice.

“I think I’m the stupid one.”

#adeptus xiao #Xiao #xiao/reader #xiao x reader #genshin fanfic #genshin impact #genshin xiao #eventual smut #domestic fluff #fluff #xiao fluff #developing relationship #pwp #light smut #mii writes #fic: iasfao #yanfei

[kodzumie-archived]

hi! sorry, i think my request was too specific so lemme rephrase: poly! nagito x reader x kokichi, with a loving and considerate reader -💙

❝SWEETHEART’S CONVEYANCE❞

Synopsis; What are the the antongnistic duo like in a polyamorous relationship with a loving partner?

Featuring; Kokichi Oma x GN! Reader x Nagito Komaeda

Warning(s); Polyamorous, romantic relationship, self-degradation (Nagito), and suppression of vulnerability (Kokichi).

Kodzumie’s Note; Ahh, the original request wasn’t too specific, don’t worry, dear! But thank you for being so considerate! And also, thank you for being my first polyamory request! This request makes me so happy, I felt obligated to do it as soon as possible, hehe. And of course you can be our beloved 💙 anon! I’m so happy to have you with us! <3

➤ KOKICHI OMA & NAGITO KOMAEDA

⤷ Contrary to bystander belief, this relationship would be as boisterous as it is philanthropic; built upon a foundation of veiled compassion.

⤷ Whilst your boyfriends contradict traditional conveyance of affection, there’s no doubt they truly do appreciate you. But neither could compare to the benevolence you’ve granted the duo.

⤷ Albeit in rather old-school conveyance, you persistently seek forms of portrayal for your affections. Whether it be the occasional handwritten notes left beside the plates of breakfast you’d left behind for the two, each expressing your fondness and wishing them a wonderful rest of their day.

⤷ Or even the splurge of gifts for the two, purchasing trinkets you believe they’d enjoy. And, for every dollar spent, it’ll all be worth the million-dollar gleam that brushes upon their eyes.

⤷ Nagito infatuated with the idea that someone would dare spend money on scum like him, much less buy him something they insisted he’d be interested in. It’s a foreign sense, an exotic appreciation in which you’d taken the time out of your schedule to even think of him.

⤷ And as he’s about to spout his gratitude and disbelief upon such devotion to trash such as himself, he’s cut off by the infamous trickster himself.

⤷ “Save that crap. What about me? Where’s my gift? Huh, huh?” Kokichi’s petite stature leaning to the right as he attempts to catch a glimpse of what you could possibly have in store for him.

⤷ Paying no heed to the interruption of his valuation, Nagito smiles fondly as he eyes the amethyst-haired male eagerly bounces on the balls of his heels, awaiting his gift, though impatiently.

⤷ One would assume you’d get fed up at his persistent antics but, in all honesty, it was one of the many things you―along with Nagito―had appreciated.

⤷ Even amidst moments in which the air is stilled, tension doused in the form of metaphoric clouds above your heads, he’s bustling with a rowdiness that shows no hintings of dissipation.

⤷ And as you reveal the gadget hidden behind your back, presenting it to your practically vibrating-in-anticipation boyfriend, you swore not even the stars could capture the illumination of glee that brushed upon his lilac eyes. His hands reaching forward with such fervor that he was seemingly a blur within that very moment.

⤷ “You didn’t!” He professed in disbelief, lips split into a grand smirk as he eyes the gift you’d presented him; a water gun.

⤷ Albeit an inkling of concern swirled within your gut upon his sinister cackle as he testingly aims at Nagito, in which the taller male’s eyes widen in surprise as he raises his hands in surrender―his own gift within his left hand.

⤷ Upon Nagito’s reaction, Kokichi’s cackles morphed into wicked chuckles as he feigns to reload his water gun with imaginative ammo.

⤷ “That’s right, put ‘em up.” He jests. All the while, you rolled your eyes with an amused visage of your own at the sight of your shorter boyfriend’s antics.

⤷ A Pavlovian reaction from the younger male, eagerly jumping the gun—quite literally—and pestering Nagito to engage in his games, claiming he’d be the perfect companion. (Though, by this, it usually meant the perfect individual to carry him piggyback due to his tall stature.)

⤷ Nonetheless, the sight of your boyfriends joining forces against you with the gift you’d bought is undeniably one you cherish. Even as you sprint full speed through the household, dodging the blasts of water aimed towards you.

⤷ Despite Nagito’s persistent insistence that you’d be better suited to entertain Kokichi than a mere nobody like him, the aforementioned amethyst-haired male that assures him he’s the only one capable.

⤷ It isn’t the common occurrence to be of witness to Kokichi’s considerate moments; withdrawing himself from his playful nature to build another’s esteem.

⤷ And thus, it’s even more satisfying to bask in Nagito’s united laughter with Kokichi’s manic cackles as you narrowly avoid a blast of water. The former carrying the ladder on his back—rather easily due to how light Kokichi is—and dashing after you.

⤷ It’s a laugh so carefree—so riddled in unhindered joy—you almost couldn’t believe this was the same, unabashed laugh of your self-degrading boyfriend.

⤷ Not even Kokichi was immune to the flurry of butterflies within the encompass of your stomachs as he, too, smiled giddily upon the melodic laughter, a roseate decorating his pallid cheeks in momentary euphoria.

⤷ In the beginnings of your gifts, Nagito struggled immensly to accept them. Even as he blushed a hue so fiercely—face burning with awe as sweat began to dampen his rosette skin—he insisted he couldn’t accept any gift from someone of your ethereality.

⤷ He swore up and down that he was already taking far too much of you and Kokichi by intruding on the relationship, much less, garner your affections.

⤷ Though, with time, he steadily learned to see past the hindrance of his self-loathing, it was still rather difficult to bear witness to the one who’d claimed both of your hearts to avoid your conveyances due to their poor views of themself.

⤷ Much to your delight, he’s now discovering value within himself as he peers through the lens of you and Kokichi’s combined love. It’s a gradual process but one that you’re more than willing to wait for to see the treasure of Nagito truly loving—if not love—than tolerating himself.

⤷ With every conveyance of your affections, you hope that your love can be transferred to the two, and assist them in melting through the walls of their hindrances; their shields in which they’d desperately hid their vulnerabilities from the world.

⤷ Whether it be through the gifts in which your taller boyfriend would insist that he was undeserving of and promise to return the favor with a gift of his own whilst the shorter would use your gifts against you, similarly to the water gun incident, comically; love letters; domestic care; reassuring consolation; service.

⤷ Anything that could possibly provide insight of the affectiom you’d withheld for the two, you’d committed to with a fiery passion. Not a trace of hesitancy or delay.

⤷ Typically, within the day-to-day, you and Nagito would withhold a majority of the materate responsibilities. Though Nagito eagerly offers to take the workload upon himself entirely, there’s no denying the softening of his eyes as you reject his offer and, rather, offer to take the workload off of him.

⤷ He appreciates your insistence, especially the way you’d put his wellbeing within the realm of priority. A hierarchy he’d never considered himself within, so to think that you could do so much as care for his state is more than he could ever ask for.

⤷ Truth be told, one of Nagito’s favorite domestic activities to complete alongisde you is laundry. The intimacy of being able to sit alongside you and fold the articles of clothing whilst chatting, blissfully distracted, is serene.

⤷ More so, the lighthearted, momentary comedic relief of revealing that your underwear was within his clutches is always a treat. Especially when you’d rapidly swipe the garment with the inklings of embarrassment within your grin.

⤷ Though he does have quite a habit of sniffing the fresh clothing. The extent to which he does so is—by bystander perspective—questionable, but he promises that he merely adores the cleanliness of the warm clothing. (And that even after the garments trip through the washing machine, there still is the lingering of both his lovers’ scents.)

⤷ Kokichi has offered to help at times—though usually with an intentional entirely other than to actually do laundry. The petite, amethyst-haired trickster sedentary between you and Nagito as he sloppily folds the clothes.

⤷ It’s blatant that his mind is elsewhere as he appears less than pleased whilst assisting. Even offering to “spice things up” and tosses a pair of socks at you and Nagito with a wicked giggle.

⤷ Sometimes he’ll even steal some of your—you and Nagito’s—clothes and wear them while working, claiming they make his Ultimate Supreme Leader senses at top-notch. To which Nagito agrees with, mindlessly, as he mumbles something about wanting to appease the wishes of a leader.

⤷ But, of all the domestic activities Kokichi has taken part in—not much but still—he claims that cooking together has to be his favorite.

⤷ Not only because he adores being the taste-tester—of course, as the Ultimate Supreme Leader, he must test it first to assure that it’s adequate for his beloveds—but because he’s enamored with the teamwork; the collaboration.

⤷ Not within a lifetime will Kokichi ever explicitly confess such, but he admires the notion of teamwork. To make a collaborative effort and genuinely place dependence upon one another to reach an end goal... he finds the idea to be so far from the encompass of his will that he adores the conception of it.

⤷ He, himself, struggles with depending on others. Opting for completing everything on his own and taking charge in the form of claiming stake upon the workload.

⤷ So being able to ask of you to grab something and to be able to complete the order asked of him—he’s usually the mixer—it’s euphoric for him. And, along with this, he truly does enjoy cooking.

⤷ Though his skills are rather questionable due to only being able to properly create a selective variety of dishes. But when he does succeed, it’s an absolute delight to be able to taste it. Nagito sometimes claims the dishes to be something akin to that of an Ultimate Chef.

⤷ A love delievered through the swan-sunken eyes of sensuality, fingers brushed upon one another as you go about your daily lives, is a love in which your two lovers value above all. To be cared for even when there are other priorities, it’s empowering.

⤷ However, amidst the serenity of the closest of affections, nothing can counter their equally preferred time of day; the nighttime cuddles.

⤷ Laying atop the mattress that could just about fit the three of you, entangled limbs drawing each of you closer as the warmth of the blanket barely rivals that of your bodies. Each of your breaths rhythmic of one another.

⤷ Kokichi’s form—by his drowsy request—between your bodies as he rests his back against Nagito’s chest, gazing up at you with a rare yet genuine grin riddled with the inklings of slumber.

⤷ The aforementioned male coiling his arms around the waist of your boyfriend, too, has his arm extenting outwards towards you, pulling you into the spooning as well. Much to Kokichi’s delight, the ladder instantaneously latching his legs around your hips, pulling you into his arms.

⤷ Yet the most blissful of these moments in which true adorations lie is the most miniscule of all. It’s so peaceful; such tranquility to be within each other’s arms as each of you is gradually lulled to sleep.

⤷ And yet, it’s as uneventful as it is impactful. Perhaps it was the nights in which each of your boyfriends felt sleep come easier? Perhaps it was the warmth of your collective bodies that brought upon the savory bliss?

⤷ Or perhaps it was the way that as each of them gazed upon—meeting your eyes with each of their infatuated own—there was a fire alit. One in which, after the periods in which you’ve all spent together; learned together; changed together, had never seemed to fade.

⤷ Not even as they, too, know they’re pushing your limits, irritating you to no bounds. Not even as they find their moment sin which they’re far too sluggish to be of decent assistance. Not even during the meltdowns in which they’d shut you out of their heart and recline to their suppressive defense.

⤷ There was never a moment in which the flames of had dwindled; an eternal ember of compassion. Not even throughout the sabotage of their demeanor. And not even as you flutter your eyes shut, enveloping slumber within your embrace.

⤷ The searing of love within your eyes had never faltered and that, on its own, is enough to reign over each of their hearts—assuring them that they, truly, are lovable without condition—and lull them to sleep as well.

#sdr2 x reader #dr2 x reader #ndrv3 x reader #drv3 x reader #nagito x reader #nagito komaeda x reader #kokichi x reader #kokichi oma x reader #kokichi ouma x reader #danganronpa x reader #nagito hcs #nagito imagines #kokichi headcanons #danganronpa hcs #danganronpa scenarios

[cipheress-to-k-pop]

Harry Osborn x Alexander!Reader

Anonymous said: i was wondering if you could do a dating Harry Osborn headcanon but with the reader being Sam's Alexander's twin sis? (usm)

Sam was your twin brother

Unfortunately, being slightly older than you was the reason he got the Nova Corps helmet

And you were left with nothing

But he was still the greatest brother ever

Since the two of you were the only family you had left, you ended up relying on each other very much

But there was always some distance in your relationship because he would go on these amazing adventures with the guardians

And you were left at home waiting for him

But he still tried to make sure that you had a strong bond

You and Harry became friends because you had one thing in common

The fact that you had been abandoned by your superhero friends

Of course, you knew that Sam was Nova so it didn’t feel as bad

You lived with him on the Helicarrier and knew all about his superhero life

But Harry never knew that Peter was Spiderman

So, you immediately felt bad for him

You met the first time because both Peter and Sam were missing from Chem Lab

So, you two were the only ones left alone

So obviously the teacher paired the two of you up

And it turns out, the two of you make a great team

Which is weird because neither of you have an aptitude for it

And that’s how you started talking and eventually spending time together

Harry was really sweet to you

And you always thought he’d be kind of snooty because he was rich

But he’s really charming

Not to mention handsome

The amount of times he’s caught you just staring at him with stars in your eyes

Because he’s 

SO

“Like what you see?” 

DAMN

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer.”

PRETTY

“Try not to drool.”

And you swear you don’t like him

But sometimes he teases you and leans in and it’s like you can’t breathe

Harry definitely lets it go to his head that you always get so blushy around him

Once he did this thing where he cages you against the wall

And you’re just having a casual heart attack

Sam obviously has his own things going on so he doesn’t really notice

And honestly that kind of hurts you

Harry definitely notices your disheartened face when your twin brother bails on you

Tries and makes up for it but he can’t really fill the void that your brother leaves

He definitely helps tho

And sometimes Harry is like

“I’ve just about had enough of them ignoring us.”

And he wants to give them a piece of his mind

But you always stop him because you know they can’t help it

Unfortunately, though, you and Sam begin drifting apart

And you start relying on Harry more than your brother

Things honestly go downhill from there

When the Helicarrier gets destroyed and sinks, so does your home

While your brother moves into Peter’s place as a kind of team building exercise

You get shipped off to a S.H.I.E.L.D. housing facility

Even though Sam tried to argue with you staying with him

Fury wanted Sam to stay with the rest of the team

And Peter couldn’t house you too

But you couldn’t bear going into the housing facility, filled with agents and no friends

So, when you show up at Harry’s in tears, with absolutely no belongings, he has no choice to take you in

And so, the two of you begin living together

The big kick to the stomach is that Sam doesn’t realize that you’re not at the S.H.I.E.L.D. facility

And he doesn’t seem to care that the two of you are living apart for the first time since your birth

But Harry is such a great housemate

Absolutely the best

Long drives to wherever while either talking or singing horribly to some songs

Late movie nights where he carries you to bed

Studying together on the couch

Cooking together even though he has maids and butlers

And you’re just falling deeper and deeper

It feels like your married even though you haven’t even said that you’ve liked each other

But you both know that you do

There’s a certain intimacy that you have

Like Harry kissing your forehead before he leaves the house

Cuddling on the couch while watching a movie

Back hugs while you wash the dishes even though Harry insists that the staff can do it

Harry is like the protective husband you dreamed about having

At this point, you and Sam don’t even talk anymore

Aside from some mundane chatting in the middle of the hallways

And you’re starting to get over it

Obviously, it kind of hurts

But at the same time, you’re also angry

And this whole time Harry just kind of stands on the side-lines

Watching your brother take you for granted

But the time he loses his temper is on your birthday

He tried contacting him the whole day because he wanted to have a party for you

But neither him nor Peter picked up the phone

When Harry finally surprised you with a gift

Your first response was

“Have you heard from my brother?”

“Uh, no, actually, I tried calling but he didn’t pick up.”

And that kind of hurts because you usually get alerts from S.H.I.E.L.D. whenever there’s a mission so you don’t have to worry about him

But you didn’t get an alert so he was obviously not on a mission

In reality, the team tricked Sam saying that they had a mission

And then rerouting the plane to go to a remote island to celebrate

Completely forgetting about you

And so did Sam

So, you just try and forget and open the present

And there lies two premier tickets to the newest movie

“Harry, I can’t accept this, it’s too much.”

“Nooo, please, I got invited and it’ll be such a bore if I go alone.”

“I don’t know....”

“Think of it as a birthday present to me.”

You laughed

“So, this is your birthday present and mine?? Anything else? Your dad’s birthday too?”

“Actually, let’s mix in our first date with it too.”

And the two of you are in the papers the next day as the newest couple

With pictures of Harry kissing you on the red carpet

That’s how your brother finds out that you’ve been staying with the Osborn’s for 2 weeks now

And Sam tries calling you but you’re honestly so upset that you don’t even pick up the phone

So, he goes over to your place

And you’re not home

But Harry is

And as soon as Sam sees him, he tries to give the brother protective speech

But Harry honestly gets so annoyed

He just punches him right in the face

And all the staff are like ‘le gasp’

Sam is like wtf man why are you punching your girlfriends’ brother

And Harry loses it

Yells at him about how he hasn’t been paying you any attention the past month, left you to live with someone else and basically not even giving him the time of day anymore

And the most important day of your life, the day the two of you were born, he was halfway across the world

Sam finally realizes how neglectful he’s been and immediately feels like crap

Harry tells him to get his act together because you won’t wait forever

Sam listens and goes home so he can figure out how to make it up to you

And when you get home, Harry has a bruise on his knuckles and you’re just like

“What happened?”

“Oh, I fell.”

“On your knuckles?”

“Yep.”

“Okay then.”

The next day you get a call from Sam and he asks to meet you

You’re honestly kind of surprised

And something inside makes you want to reject him

But you get over your spite and pride and agree

When you get to the cafe Sam wanted to meet you, you’re shocked af to find him with a black eye

“Oh, my goodness! What happened?!”

“I, uh, got the lights knocked out of me.”

“By a villain?”

“Sure.”

He apologizes for everything that happened in the past month

And promises to do a better job

All the feel-good brother stuff

And Harry is just so happy for you

So basically, Harry fixed your family relations and became a part of your family

Idk how to end this

The end

Forever Taglist: @simonsbluee​

USM Taglist: @imcarolinashannon​

#Ultimate Spider-Man #ultimate spiderman #ultimate spiderman x reader #ultimate spider man #ultimate spider man x reader #USM #USM x you #usm reactions #usm x reader #harry osborn #harry x reader #harry osborn x reader #sam alexander #sam alexander headcanons #sam alexander x reader #marvel #marvel one shot #venom x reader

[firstfullmoon]

Do you have favorite quotes related about the importance of small details?

“The precious intimacy of little things.”

— Daphné du Maurier, I Will Never Be Young Again

“On my windowsill when I got home, there was a tumbler with pink jelly in it, and embedded in the jelly, sliced strawberries and bananas… [my neighbour] cooks at odd hours. She must have made the strawberry jelly this morning. When I buy baklava, which is not often because I eat too many, I leave a few for her on her windowsill, with a headscarf over them so the wasps don’t come. For these little gifts we don’t thank each other with words. They are commas of care.”

— John Berger, From A to X: A Story in Letters

“I suppose I could spend time theorizing how it is that people are not bad to each other, but that’s really not the point. The point is that in almost every instance of our lives, our social lives, we are, if we pay attention, in the midst of an almost constant, if subtle, caretaking. Holding open doors. Offering elbows at crosswalks. Letting someone else go first. Helping with the heavy bags. Reaching what’s too high, or what’s been dropped. Pulling someone back to their feet. Stopping at the car wreck, at the struck dog. The alternating merge, also known as the zipper. This caretaking is our default mode and it’s always a lie that convinces us to act or believe otherwise. Always.”

“One of the woman was gently arranging an older woman’s collar beneath her sweater, freeing it from the cardigan’s neck, using both of her hands to jostle it free but also seeming to spend a little more time than necessary, creasing the fold of the collar, the other hand kind of resting on her shoulder, the two of them chatting the whole time, sitting there holding each other, nodding, my head twisting toward them like a sunflower as I finished the stairs and walked by, so in love was I with this common flourish of love, this everyday human light.”

“but her need to share the photo with me [...] smiling and looking at it, smiling and looking at me looking at it, me smiling and looking at her looking at it, which is simply called sharing what we love, what we find beautiful, which is an ethics.”

— Ross Gay, The Book of Delights

“He’s got a fever. He’s all alone. So I’m gonna buy him something to eat.” “The congee downstairs is quite good.” “He doesn’t want congee.” “What does he want?” “Can’t taste anything so he wants sesame syrup.” [...] “What are you cooking?” “I had a sudden craving for sesame syrup.”

“Why did you call me at the office today?” “I had nothing to do. I wanted to hear your voice.”

— In the Mood for Love, dir. Wong Kar-Wai

— Danusha Laméris, “Small Kindnesses”

“It all matters. That someone turns out the lamp, picks up the windblown wrapper, says hello to the invalid, pays at the unattended lot, listens to the repeated tale, folds the abandoned laundry, plays the game fairly, tells the story honestly, acknowledges help, gives credit, says good night, resists temptation, wipes the counter, waits at the yellow, makes the bed, tips the maid, remembers the illness, congratulates the victor, accepts the consequences, takes a stand, steps up, offers a hand, goes first, goes last, chooses the small portion, teaches the child, tends to the dying, comforts the grieving, removes the splinter, wipes the tear, directs the lost, touches the lonely, is the whole thing. What is most beautiful is least acknowledged. What is worth dying for is barely noticed.”

— Laura McBride, We Are Called to Rise

“I’ve never told you this,” she said. “But there’s something about taking the cart back instead of leaving it in the parking lot. I don’t know when this came to me; it was a few years ago. There’s a difference between leaving it where you empty it and taking it back to the front of the store. It’s significant.” “Because somebody has to take them in.” “Yes. And if you know that, and you do it for that one guy, you do something else. You join the world…You move out of your isolation and become universal.”

— Andre Dubus, “Out of the Snow”

“It’s true that, in Vietnamese, we rarely say I love you, and when we do, it is almost always in English. Care and love, for us, are pronounced clearest through service: plucking white hairs, pressing yourself on your son to absorb a plane’s turbulence and, therefore, his fear. Or now—as Lan called to me, “Little Dog, get over here and help me help your mother.” And we knelt on each side of you, rolling out the hardened cords in your upper arms, then down to your wrists, your fingers. For a moment almost too brief to matter, this made sense—that three people on the floor, connected to each other by touch, made something like the word family.”

— Ocean Vuong, On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous: A Novel

— Ada Limón, from “The Great Blue Heron of Dunbar Road”

“I’m doing a balancing act with a stack of fresh fruit in my basket. I love you. I want us both to eat well.”

— Christopher Citro, from “Our Beautiful Life When It’s Filled WIth Shrieks”

“One of the primary ways we connect with each other is by eating together. Some of the connection happens simply by being in the same place at the same time and sharing the same food, but we also connect through specific actions, such as serving food to one another or making toasts: ‘May I offer you some potatoes?’ ‘Here’s to your health and happiness.’ Much of our fundamental well-being comes from the basic reassurance that there is a place for us at the table. We belong here. Here we are served and we serve others. Here we give and receive sustenance.”

— Edward Espe Brown, Tomato Blessings and Radish Teaching

“Attention is the beginning of devotion.”

“Now in the spring I kneel, I put my face into the packets of violets, the dampness, the freshness, the sense of ever-ness. Something is wrong, I know it, if I don’t keep my attention on eternity. May I be the tiniest nail in the house of the universe, tiny but useful. May I stay forever in the stream. May I look down upon the windflower and the bull thistle and the coreopsis with the greatest respect.”

“it is a serious thing

just to be alive on this fresh morning in this broken world.”

— Mary Oliver, Upstream: Selected Essays / from “Invitation”

— Wendy Cope, “The Orange”

“After learning my flight was detained 4 hours, I heard the announcement: if anyone in the vicinity of gate 4-A understands any Arabic, please come to the gate immediately. Well—one pauses these days. Gate 4-A was my own gate. I went there. An older woman in full traditional Palestinian dress, just like my grandma wore, was crumpled to the floor, wailing loudly. Help, said the flight service person. Talk to her. What is her problem? We told her the flight was going to be four hours late and she did this. I put my arm around her and spoke to her haltingly. Shu dow-a, shu-biduck habibti, stani stani schway, min fadlick, sho bit se-wee? The minute she heard any words she knew—however poorly used—she stopped crying. She thought our flight had been canceled entirely. She needed to be in El Paso for some major medical treatment the following day. I said no, no, we’re fine, you’ll get there, just late. Who is picking you up? Let’s call him and tell him. We called her son and I spoke with him in English. I told him I would stay with his mother until we got on the plane and would ride next to her—Southwest. She talked to him. Then we called her other sons just for the fun of it. Then we called my dad and he and she spoke for a while in Arabic and found out, of course, they had ten shared friends. Then I thought just for the heck of it why not call some Palestinian poets I know and let them chat with her. This all took up about 2 hours. She was laughing a lot by then. Telling about her life. Answering questions. She had pulled a sack of homemade mamool cookies—little powdered sugar crumbly mounds stuffed with dates and nuts—out of her bag—and was offering them to all the women at the gate. To my amazement, not a single woman declined one. It was like a sacrament. The traveler from Argentina, the traveler from California, the lovely woman from Laredo—we were all covered with the same powdered sugar. And smiling. There are no better cookies. And then the airline broke out the free beverages from huge coolers—non-alcoholic—and the two little girls from our flight, one African American, one Mexican American—ran around serving us all apple juice and lemonade, and they were covered with powdered sugar, too. And I noticed my new best friend—by now we were holding hands—had a potted plant poking out of her bag, some medicinal thing with green furry leaves. Such an old country traveling tradition. Always carry a plant. Always stay rooted to somewhere. And I looked around that gate of late and weary ones and thought, this is the world I want to live in. The shared world. Not a single person in this gate—once the crying of confusion stopped—has seemed apprehensive about any other person. They took the cookies. I wanted to hug all those other women, too. This can still happen anywhere. Not everything is lost.”

— Naomi Shihab Nye, “Gate A4″

“Then there are the things, if you are particularly lucky, that this person has done for you while you’re away: how in the pantry, in the freezer, in the refrigerator will be all the food you like to eat, the scotch you like to drink. There will be the sweater you thought you lost the previous year at the theater, clean and folded and back on its shelf. There will be the shirt with its dangling buttons, but the buttons will be sewn back in place. There will be your mail stacked on one side of his desk; there will be a contract for an advertising campaign you’re going to do in Germany for an Austrian beer, with his notes in the margin to discuss with your lawyer. And there will be no mention of it, and you will know that it was done with genuine pleasure, and you will know that part of the reason—a small part, but a part—you love being in this apartment and in this relationship is because this other person is always making a home for you, and that when you tell him this, he won’t be offended but pleased, and you’ll be glad, because you meant it with gratitude.”

— Hanya Yanagihara, A Little Life

#this is a mim supremacy account #w #compilation #the precious intimacy of little things #john berger #hanya yanagihara #naomi shihab nye #wendy cope #mary oliver #ada limón #ocean vuong #danusha laméris #ross gay

[eight-house]

Turn-ons & Turn-offs of the Signs

Check MOON, VENUS and/or MARS

Aries

Nothing turns you on faster than a partner who takes you by surprise in the bed- room. Although ultraromantic when it suits your mood, you nevertheless enjoy a bawdy romp in the hay. Your idea of a turn-on is a passionate, exhilarating lover  who challenges you mentally as well as physically. While emotional games are a no-no in the ram’s world, you adore intellectual and physical ones. In a game of Truth or Dare, you’re not afraid to own up to the truth, yet you can’t resist a dare. True to Aries’ desire to be first in everything, you enjoy making love early in the morning. You have no compunctions when it comes to trying new things; the more outrageous and exciting the innovations, the more you like them. You’re fond of little presents, especially sex toys specifically designed to increase excitement and pleasure. The head is your most powerful erogenous zone, so stroking your hair and rubbing your scalp relaxes you and heightens your sensations. You thrive on impulse and surprise, and the advances of a bold, inventive lover who catches you unaware provides a guaranteed turn-on. You’re a doer, not a dreamer. Your fantasies, if you have any, all take place inside your head and don’t seem like fantasies to you. Your tendency to dramatize your life and envision yourself as a mythological hero is not playacting, it’s an integral part of who you are. Sexy role-playing games hold little appeal for you, because the only larger-than-life character you care to play is you. For an Aries, sex for its own sake, without any personal connection, is a definite turn-off. You like sex, and want it to be spicy, exciting, and fun. Yet, even in the absence of grand passion and long devotion, you expect genuine warmth and a feeling of camaraderie between you and your bedmate.  

Taurus

Taurus is arguably the most sensuous sign in the zodiac. You thoroughly enjoy the one-on-one aspect of a romantic relationship, and the affection and intimacy it provides. In private, you make an intense bedmate; one who is happy to have the sensual encounters continue all night long. Sexually, Taurus is the Energizer Bunny of the zodiac. You thrive on unhurried nights of love play, liberally punctuated with amorous conversation, erotic fantasy, and an occasional indulgence in food and drink. The bull craves a partner who is loving, yet strong and practical. The suitor who arrives bearing gifts and kind words easily wins your heart, since Taurus is responsive to both material goods and heartfelt compliments. Making you feel safe and secure is a smart strategy for any potential lover. What you want most is to live in a comfortable world and have a special someone to share it with. One-night stands are not your style. You regard lovemaking as an art; and when you go to bed with someone, it’s to make love, not to have sex. Elegant surroundings, sensuous perfumes, silky fabrics, soft music, and sex-play involving table delicacies such as whipped cream or chocolate are guaranteed turn-ons. You particularly enjoy being kissed around the neck and throat, and having your skin gently stroked sets your whole body on fire. For you, making love is a process that inevitably involves wooing and protracted foreplay. Luxury loving and pleasure- oriented, you take your time in bed. Your ideal lover moves in slowly, savoring every moment, and builds gradually to a powerful climax. 

Gemini

There is no doubt that your major erogenous zone is located inside your head. Nothing turns you on faster, or more completely, than wit and charm, and you are aroused by erotic words and clever, evocative quips. Phone sex must have been vented by a Gemini. The same goes for the hot and heavy sexual banter that takes place in online chat rooms and via e-mail. Although you respond amorously to tactile pleasures, it’s sharing your erotic thoughts and dreams with your lover that re- ally gets you going. Lusty words (yours or your partner’s) engage your vivid imagination and inflame your libido. The Gemini nature is so changeable, that it is difficult to say exactly what you will like from one sexual encounter to the next. The twins’ aversion to boredom is legendary. You consider variety the most important ingredient in lovemaking and thrive on innovation and versatility. You equate sex with fun, and enjoy engaging in fantasy and role-playing games. Moreover, Geminis are fantastic kissers, and enjoy doing it. Restless and perpetually on the go, the typical Gemini has a somewhat nervous temperament. Sex play relaxes you, and soaking in a tub or spa with your partner prior to lovemaking helps sooth your jangled nerves. Since you were born under the most unpredictable sign in the zodiac, the only thing your lover can truly count on is that anything is possible. An adventurous lover, you long to please and be pleased. If you don’t know what your partner likes, you ask.

Cancer

The crab’s favorite fantasy generally includes good food and great sex. Any artful combination of these two sensual activities is virtually guaranteed to turn you on. Preparing and eating a luscious feast together with your lover evokes an atmosphere of voluptuous indulgence. A private encounter that begins in the kitchen, and ends with you feeding each other delectable little snacks in bed, can turn into an erotic free-for-all. The breast and chest are erogenous zones for most people, but this is especially true for those born under the sign of the crab. You enjoy having your chest stroked, and respond passionately to oral and manual manipulation of the nipples. Cancer’s fascination for moonlight and water makes a seaside outing, where you can hear the pounding of the ocean as you make love, the perfect choice for an erotic get- away. If a trip to the ocean is not feasible, playing a nature sounds machine in your bedroom can evoke many of the same feelings. The right atmosphere, replete with scented candles and aromatic massage oils usually does the trick. Deep down you long to be seduced and swept away on a wave of passion. Once awakened, your lusty libido will carry you and your partner to the heights of ecstatic pleasure. Cancer is a deeply private sign, and you need to feel safe before you reveal your- self. Nothing turns you off faster than a prospective partner who comes on too strong, or tries to push you into intimacy before you’re ready. You’re too sensitive and romantic to respond to a blunt sexual appeal. Even in a long-term union, you prefer the indirect approach, and rarely come right out and say you want sex. For you, a sense of physical and emotional well-being is a must. Without a partner who understands this, you’re likely to log a great deal of time inside your pesky crab shell.

Leo

Leo is the most ardent and attentive of bedmates, but you would rather be alone than involved with the wrong person. The royal lion is status conscious, and some- thing of a snob. You must be able to respect and admire the person you love, and your ideal partner is intelligent, dignified, and classy. More than anything, your lover must always remember who is number one, and act on this knowledge at all times. You’re a star in the bedroom, you know it, and want to be certain that your partner knows it too. The lion loves seduction and foreplay. For you, making love is an art form, and fulfilling your erotic fantasies is a major turn-on. Sensual, unhurried lovemaking in lavish comfort appeals to you more than grabbing a quickie before rushing off to the office. The back is Leo’s most sensitive area, and sweeping caresses over your back and spine sexually stimulate and excite you. You enjoy building anticipation for an erotic encounter by setting up the scene in advance. Sexy attire turns you on, as does dressing or undressing your partner. Although you usually prefer wooing or being wooed luxuriously (as befits your regal status), the freewheeling, spontaneous part of your love-nature is rejuvenated by unplanned moments. An occasional bit of impromptu, devil-may-care love- making can inflame your desires and keep your sex life fresh and new.

Virgo

You appreciate a bed partner who occasionally takes the lead and comes up with ways of making your sex life more exciting. The stomach area is very sensitive for Virgo; circular motion and gentle massages with the fingertips or tongue on your stomach area and around your belly button are guaranteed turn-ons. A provocative striptease also intrigues you, and can add a mood of delightful decadence to your lovemaking. Although the idea of trying new things such as sex toys may shock you at first, under the right circumstances they add a playful, slightly naughty aspect to your bedroom activities. With encouragement, your own hidden desires morph into a tempestuous passion. Inwardly, you may be shy and reserved, but a patient, thoughtful lover who draws out your controlled desires will be well rewarded. While bedroom drama doesn’t appeal to you, sexy role-playing fantasy games can be a major turn-on. You like variety and enjoy experimenting with different positions and techniques. After a grueling workday, an erotic massage with warm, naturally scented oils relaxes you and soothes your jangled nerves. Although you may need a little coaxing, your dormant passions ignite as you unwind. A true romantic, you enjoy courtship. You’re turned on by poetry, music, and dreamy moments of intimacy with your beloved. During a weekend getaway with your lover, your appetite for sensual pleasure is likely to erupt with passionate abandon. Leaving behind your practical day-to-day routines and going off for a change of scene with your partner revitalizes your love life. Even an impromptu overnight stay in a romantic setting can relieve stress and make you feel reborn.

Libra

A wise partner knows how to whet your appetite for lovemaking with subtle flirt- ing and mildly provocative suggestions. You get off on the sensual accoutrements of romance, such as sultry nightwear, silky sheets, and soft music. A few whispered words of desire speak volumes to you. Your lifelong fantasy of romantic courtship and ideal love inclines toward elegant sex, with nothing crude or tacky to offend your good taste and delicate sensibilities. Because you’re seeking perfection, you can create a bliss-filled fantasy in your mind that often seems more real than anything in the world around you. Your ideal lover discovers the details of your dream scenario and acts them out with you. Together you devise new ways of sharing and increasing your sensual pleasure. Since balance is important to you, you yearn for an intimate union with just the right degree of give and take. Making love helps you to feel complete, and you’re capable of putting your own needs on hold in order to please or accommodate your lover. Although there is little truly wild or abandoned in Libra’s nature, erotic teasing acts as an enticing turn-on that adds spice and heightens your sexual ecstasy. A sexy striptease, deep enticing kisses, and languid stroking with a feather raise your temperature to a fever pitch. The thought of using sex toys may shock you, but artfully employed they intensify your lovemaking. Your brain is your most sensitive erogenous zone, and talking about sex and reading erotic literature with your lover turns you on, as does trying the sexy stuff you’ve been reading about and discussing.

Scorpio

The red-hot sex drive and physical prowess of Scorpios is legendary. You posess a lusty libido, and thoroughly enjoy giving and receiving sensual pleasure. Any lover stepping into your lair had better be well prepared, because keeping up with you between the sheets is an absolute must. You require a lot of drama and emotional excitement in your love life; an intimate relationship that is too peaceful bores you. The scorpion’s fascination with sex in- spires numerous exotic fantasies of sultry seduction. Acting out these sexy scenarios with your bedmate is a guaranteed turn-on. Since Scorpio’s fantasies are often darkly erotic, a bit of mystery or a hint of danger whets your appetite and gets your motor humming. Something of an extremist by nature, you tend to equate lovemaking with power and control. With your lover in the role of obliging love slave, you revel in the ecstatic gratification of all your secret wishes and desires— and if your partner just happens to bring along sex toys and gadgets, so much the better. Scorpio responds to an uninhibited bed partner who entices with provocative verbal suggestions and teasing sexual games. Your sensuous nature makes any kind of massage an erotic experience for you. It can serve as arousing foreplay for steamy lovemaking, taking you to the very edge of intense sensual pleasure. How- ever, a loving, aromatic massage may also kindle your physical desire so strongly that you feel as though you can’t delay sexual gratification a moment longer. Since Scorpio is the most sexually charged of all zodiac signs, your nether regions are extremely sensitive. Any stimulation down below gets you incredibly aroused. Consequently, many a Scorpio bedroom massage has to be abandoned halfway though. 

Sagittarius

Sagittarians relish the thrill of the chase. Once a relationship starts settling down, the archer strives to keep things exciting. Above all, you want to have a good time with your beloved. Although you express your sexual feelings easily and passionately, when the sex is over you want to move on to something else. You’re not into twenty-four–hour togetherness, but you thoroughly enjoy doing interesting things with your partner, particularly outside in the open air. Sharing physical activities such as dancing or working out together gets you pumped up for lovemaking. You also enjoy sex “alfresco.” Under the stars, the boardwalk, or the bleachers, you’re turned on by the carefree abandon of following your impulses, wherever they may lead. Although disinterested in emotional game playing, you do enjoy being seduced by sexy attire and other exotic enhancements to sensual pleasure. Spicy sexual banter liberates your quick wit and increases your anticipation of the sensual delights to follow. Fooling around with sex toys and naughty novelties stirs your imagination and energizes your libido. Erotic bedroom fun is your ultimate turn-on, and seductive teasing and touching wakens your desire and heightens the ensuing ecstasy. Since Sagittarius is associated with the hips and thighs, light stroking of your inner thigh inflames all your erogenous zones. 

Capricorn

   Capricorns are inherently cautious and less likely to engage in casual sex than other signs. The more secure you feel in a relationship, the more likely you are to cast aside your inhibitions and follow the impulses of your sensuality. Your dis- taste for public displays of affection helps you keep your powerful libido under strict control outside the bedroom. Even in private, it may take some encouragement from your partner before you loosen up enough to follow your wildest carnal impulses. However, once you get going, your approach to lovemaking is lusty and straightforward. Although basically conventional, the goat enjoys being courted and coaxed. Nothing turns you on as fast as a well-staged seduction scene with all the traditional trimmings: sexy attire, silky sheets, dim lighting, music, candles, and a properly chilled bottle of bubbly. The intensity of Capricorn’s sex drive goes through cycles depending on workload and various mood swings. Your ideal lover senses your moods and intuits your shifting needs. The legs and especially the knees are very sensitive in Capricorn natives. Light stroking on the backs of your knees is guaranteed to stir your slumbering passions. During low periods, your partner may reawaken physical desire by trailing a large feather or bit of fur over your skin, especially in these ultra sensitive areas. Although you don’t normally require a lot of foreplay to get in the mood, you enjoy being caressed and pampered when you’re feeling stressed. An erotic mas- sage helps you relax and sets the stage for lovemaking. Where love and sex are concerned, goats cannot be rushed. Quickies don’t really satisfy you. You prefer taking it slow–and getting it right. Endurance is Capricorn’s forte. Once aroused, you can keep going all night long. You’re proud of your sexual prowess, and satisfying your bedmate’s needs and desires is as important to you as satisfying your own. 

Aquarius

   As befits an Air sign, Aquarians approach sex mentally as well as physically. Your bedroom antics are greatly enhanced when you’re able to share your thoughts and ideas with your lover. Your natural curiosity inclines toward creative ways between the sheets. A delicious eroticism lurks beneath the surface of your outwardly controlled manner, and the partner who is able to tap into it can look forward to good times in your bed. Physically you are strongly sexed and passionate. However, your mind is easily distracted, which can cause you to ignore the needs and desires of your body. When this happens, a few verbal reminders of the delights you are missing are all it takes to inflame your lusty libido. Because your mind and imagination are your major erotic zones, you respond as readily to spoken intentions as to physical stimulation. Since you enjoy a bit of fun mixed in with your lovemaking, you like being with a bedmate who amuses you. Stylized role-playing fantasies and sex games can add a touch of spice and glamour to your love life. Aquarius can be wildly passionate one night, yet seemingly disinterested the next. The romantic fantasy that got your sexual juices flowing last night may have the opposite effect today. Aquarians are generally freewheeling, open-minded, and sexually liberated. Yet, despite that touch of kinkiness in your makeup, you truly dislike outright vulgarity. Whereas hashing over your lustful intentions with your lover is a genuine turn-on, you’re turned off by really crude or raunchy behavior.

Pisces

Sex for you is a beautiful fantasy in which you merge and blend with your partner to become one soul. The lover who inflames your imagination is the one mostly to set your libido on fire. Just gazing into his or her eyes doesn’t quite do it for you. You crave romance with a capital R. A romantic getaway for two is often the first step toward making your erotic dreams reality. You respond enthusiastically to lovemaking in a dreamy location, preferably one on or near a body of water. It doesn’t really matter if it’s a luxurious cruise or a single night at Budget Beach. Even at home, nothing turns you on like a sensuous bath or a spa soak with your beloved. Afterward, you like being toweled dry and dusted with powder like a baby. The feet are Pisces’ major erogenous zone. Most enjoy having their feet held, bathed, stroked, and massaged, and toe sucking drives them into a sensual frenzy. Pisces’ sexual cravings can be somewhat unpredictable, and often encompass a wide range of erotic fantasies. Driven by emotions as well as physical desire, you crave a bit of drama in the boudoir. When you get bored you may yearn for a dream lover to come and whisk you off to some wild and exotic love nest. Barring this, you get off on the fun and excitement of fantasy-inspired sex games. The lover who is able to surprise you with something new or different in the bedroom will continue to hold your interest. You are particularly fond of little presents, especially if the gifts are seductive garments or sex toys designed to increase pleasure and excitement.

#turn offs #aries #taurus #gemini #cancer #leo #libra #virgo #scorpio #sagittarius #capricorn #aquarius #pisces #venus #mars #moon #venus in aries #venus in taurus #venus in gemini #venus in scorpio #venus in cancer #venus in leo #venus in virgo #venus in libra #venus in sagittarius #venus in capricorn #venus in aquarius #venus in pisces #all signs #turn ons of the signs

[mydriases]

Boyfriend headcanons for Epel and Lilia

Anon asked: Hello! Welcome to the fandom! I look forward to your future writing. Can I get some boyfriend headcanon for Epel and Lilia? Thank you!

Thanks, I've kept the format of my first post so I hope it's what you expected!

A small digression to thank you all for the +100 followers! I don't understand how so many people would want to read what I write lol Thank you to everyone who commented or sent messages of encouragement, it touches me deeply.

Epel Felmier

Like loads of people, when you first saw Epel, you thought he was just another pretty boy.

It was at the welcome party for Pomefiore’s new students that you changed your mind.

You heard him fuming over the fact that he wanted to be a Savanaclaw, saw him get reprimanded for his table manners and noticed the way he really seemed out of place, all of this convinced you that he wasn't just another narcissist.

You made a point to become his friend, not out of pity but out of admiration. He was a person with many hidden talents who was able to put up with an environment he despised.

It is true that you were also looking for a type of personality different from the one who invaded Pomefiore like ivy.

One evening, while you were reading in the living room, the incessant chatter of your classmates forced you to leave the room. At least that's what you would've done if you hadn't seen Epel trapped by three other people.

They were talking together about how Epel was a model of elegance and that some people should follow his example. Their discussion was one-sided, judging by the expression of embarrassment that covered Epel's face like a veil.

You made it your duty to get him out of this situation.

You approached the small group, interrupted them and then took your sweetest voice to apologize to these gentlemen because you had to work on a project with Epel.

Of course, they didn’t express any objection and let the two of you go away after a final praise.

Epel showered you with thanks and even asked you if there was any way he could repay you.

« I mean… I wasn’t lying when I said I had a project to work on. »

You don’t feel any shame for asking him that, since as a result the ice broke between you and him.

None of you was close with the other students of your dorm so you spent most of your free time together.

Step by step you discovered Epel’s inner fire, and it was hot pun intended

In spite of his shyness, he could be quite responsive and outspoken when the situation was too much.

He began to open up and talked to you about his insecurities. Specifically, about his own body.

You understood that what was for Pomefiore an asset, was for Savanaclaw a drawback. All the praise was nothing when his own body was telling him he hadn't the capacities.

But some things can't change, so he focused on his magical abilities more than anything else.

It was hard for you to find the right words, but you assumed that sometimes you just need someone to listen to you. You took his hand.

Nothing was really the same after that, from this point there was an unspoken intimacy you two shared.

You held hands and hugged easily. Epel became something more than a friend, he felt closer and soon there was no more words needed for you to understand him. In fact, it felt natural to know.

One evening, while some festivities were taking place in the dormitory, you two apologized and went for a walk in the gardens.

You were chatting on a bench enjoying the coolness of the night. Until a comfortable silence settled between the two of you, and Epel turned to you.

Out of the blue he decided that kissing you was a good idea. yes it fricking was

If you ignore the fact that he withdrew as quickly as he moved forward or the fact that you were so shocked that you almost lost the ability to think properly, it all went pretty well.

The new physical intimacy that came with that kiss was unknown to anyone because of how discreet you were in your pda

He starded to give your little presents more often : carved apple, homemade food and even bouquets if that’s what you like (doesn’t know how to romance but he's not gonna admit defeat let me tell you).

He'd take you flying on his broomstick, he isn’t allowed? Who cares ! For once he can break the rules.

He would use you as an excuse to get away from Pomefiore student, « sorry but my love is waiting » he would said in a polite but slightly smug way

You'd discuss ways to make Pomefiore's uniforms more cool and what should change in the dorm. It would happen most of the time after Vil made a comment that Epel didn’t like.

Kisses in the library between the bookshelves, kisses in the garden, kisses everywhere when no one is around.

The kisses with Epel are such a soft thing, his hair would tickle your face and his hands would slide slowly up to your elbows to cup them.

When the kiss would end, you'd stand a few inches apart and notice the beauty of his eyelashes as his breath would caress your face.

Lilia Vanrouge

It was a hard thing not to notice the strange character that was Lilia Vanrouge.

He could hear your discussions from across the hall, spoke in an archaic way and appeared before you without you seeing him coming.

Actually, that's how you first met him. You were looking for a book in the library and he appeared in your field of vision, the wanted book in his hands.

He introduced himself, asked if you were looking for this book in particular and disapeared after giving it. He literally disapeared. You blinked once and paf ! You were alone.

You understood that what happened wasn’t a dream when he actually called you by your name in potions and asked you to be his partner.

In the first place, you were quite astonished. From what the rumors said Lilia was old, like so-old-I-should-be-dead years old, which means that he is knowleadgeable. Although you surely were not the last in your class, you still didn’t reach his level.

Your regular partner was absent, so you had no reason to say no.

It was difficult to know if he was good or bad at potions because he could propose an ideal solution and then he would assume that « perphaps if we add that  the result would be better » (spoilers, it didn’t work but at least the final result didn’t change too much)

Since, he continued to appear unexpectedly next to you, only to disappear the minute you looked away. It was entertaining so you didn’t mind.

 « Good evening. I was wondering...is the answer to question number 15 « the heart of a legendary beast »? 

Yes, it is…Hey Lilia, as you can see I’m on cleaning duty and it would be nice if you could h-

Thank you very much, it is always a pleasure to discuss with you » and he disapeared the basta-

You would soon start to have tea together, it kind of happened naturally. He asked you once and the invitations never stopped.

At least that's what you would have wished for.

You didn’t get any explanations, from one day to the next he stopped talking to you. There was no more funny stories over tea, no more surprise appearances, not even a glance at you.

Three weeks, three weeks of being ignored. Who can blame you if you were mad at him ?

His absence made you realize many things, the first being how much he had become an essential part of your daily life. It was strange not to talk to him anymore, there was a kind of mourning inside you when you were seeing him, as if he was the ghost of a loved one.

Then, you got a letter from one of your roommates. Because apparently, Mr. Vanrouge didn't have the guts to give it in person.

You've never read such a letter from Lilia before. It was short, to the point and didn't even have a cheap joke as usual. It was for the better, you couldn't bear it if he had acted like nothing happened.

He didn't look up at you when you came to sit in front of him. You waited for him to make the first move.

« Look, I think you're aware that my appearance doesn't match my real age. This kind of advantage is not without a price, I have loved and suffered a lot because no matter what I do ,the end remains the same. Even today, in my darkest moments, I wonder if love is worth if, in the end, I find myself carrying such pain. Some of my loved ones have told me that when they find themselves on the brink of the grave, no matter how much pain our relationship has brought them, they will have no regrets. And it is to honour the memory of those people whose voices I have forgotten that I come to talk to you. What we have between us at the moment may just be a passing infatuation, but I know too well where it's going to lead us. That’s why before we go too far, I need to see your point of view on love. For me, love isn't easy, it's not constant happiness that solves all your problems. It's a complex thing that can pull you down as well as up… I’ve been a bit dramatic on the edges but you need to understand that even if loads of relationships don’t last till the end of a life, ours is bound to be harder. »

You were puzzled. This Lilia was different from the one you learned to know, he was dead serious and his saddened look made you feel a little bit ashamed that you didn’t think about how he felt.

« As you said, loads of relationships don’t last till the end and it’s fine. We don’t need to rush things and we don’t need to think about our future for now. It sounds reckless but to answer what you said : yes, it is worth it. »

You never thought you'd start your relationship with Lilia this way but, oh well here you go.

Everything was the same as before but better. He still appeared where you least expected it but now he hugged you from behind which almost gave you a heart attack multiple times.

Lilia loves passionately. He gives without expecting anything in return and has no reserve with his feelings. He is candid, not hesitating to say what is wrong as well as what is right.

It’s hard to be bored with him. He has always an idea to entertain you or something to tell.

He's quite reserved when it comes to kissing, it's a little dated but for him it's more decent to do it within four walls.

But once in private, that's a different story.

His lips would run through yours, he would take the lead and hold you close to him, it's impossible not to be out of breath after his kisses.

There's a melancholy running through you that you can't explain when he embraces you. It makes you feel small in the face of Lilia's longevity. You can almost feel the dust of those former loves on your fingertips, and one day you’ll be one of them. And Lilia will remember you, because there are some things you can’t forget entirely.

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #epel felmier #epel felmier x reader #lilia vanrouge #lilia vanrouge x reader #twisted wonderland headcanons

[btssmutficslovingfan01]

Friendly Encounters- Chapter Eight

𝒮𝓊𝓂𝓂𝒶𝓇𝓎: A friend challenges you to go out of your comfort zone and talk to one of the cute boys at the café. However, after attempting to flirt with one of them, they reveal that they are in a relationship with each other. It’s fine, though, because you’re all friends now!

𝒢𝑒𝓃𝓇𝑒: Romance

𝑅𝒶𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔: Smut, Angst

𝒲𝒶𝓇𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈: Racism, Yoongi and Jimin are angels, Graphic depictions of sex, really angsty

𝒲𝑜𝓇𝒹𝓈: 4.9k

𝒫𝒶𝒾𝓇𝒾𝓃𝑔: Jimin x Reader x Yoongi

Masterlist

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                         ______________________

“I’m gonna cum, I’m close!” Yoongi’s entire body shakes and shudders underneath you as you voraciously fuck him with all your strength. You aren’t going easy on him at all, using the lube and your hands to simultaneously jerk him off as well. The sounds he makes are delicious, absolutely delightful as your mouth waters at his small, high-pitched whines. Thank God you have pillows, but unfortunately you still had to keep the noise level to a minimum.

As Yoongi cries under you and shudders once more, you lower yourself slowly, spreading his cheeks with your hands. You both were sweaty, horny, and so very exhausted. Yet with the feeling of your strap applying pressure to Yoongi’s boy-pussy, he knows that he doesn’t want it to end so soon. Him and Jimin had spent hours together, playing in bed. Why couldn’t you have the same? Even if you had sex in the cabin and you spent a lot of time together anyways.

There was always something lacking, and that was the sexual intimacy between you and Yoongi. You knew it was a matter of time before you found a dynamic that worked for you.

“Go ahead, baby. Cum on my fingers, I want you to feel good too.” You start acting like you have a dick too, as Yoongi moans loudly into the pillow once more, his release building up as you shift again, your pussy drenched completely from seeing him all vulnerable like this.

“I want you to cum too,” He’s puddy in your hands, as you stroke his arms and press the softest kisses to his shoulders. “Cum with me kit-AH Y/N!” He’s writhing in pleasure as you pump his cock between your hands, and with him hunched over on the bed it makes it even easier for you to lean forward and brush your dildo across his throbbing hole. Despite removing it earlier, his puckered hole is still wide, and so ready for penetration.

You tested him first with a finger before taking your vibrator and bringing it down to the base of his cock.

“Damn, I think you’d cum right now if you saw your ass. So fucking perfect, round and squishy. No wonder Jimin moans so much with you.” You both groan as you decide to stop playing around and actually fuck him again, this time, tightening your belt before rolling your hips against his soft cheeks.

“You’re so sexy, and wonderful. I love you, Y/N.” You softly kiss his lips before pulling out and surrendering to sleep. You need a lot of rest, after that intense workout.

“Love you too, Yoongles. Also, Jimmy’s gonna kill us tomorrow but that’s fine because you looked so hot submissive like that and I had fun. I never thought a fake cock could make me feel so powerful.” His giggles are like music to your ears. You were starting to get used to the sound.

“Yeah, that’s exactly why I play dom most of the time. It’s a hell of a lot more fun when I get to play with you two and I get to use my cock as death.” It’s your turn to laugh, as he makes it sound like a weapon or power move of some sort.

“I hope you aren’t in too much pain, I got a little carried away.” You sigh, rubbing your thighs together anxiously.

“What? Nah, I’m fine. Maybe I’ll be a little sore tomorrow, but I think I’ll be able to sit. Let’s just say, if I can’t sit, it’ll be considered a win for you.” Your blond boyfriend gives you a wink as you reply with an, “Okay, I’ll take that. As long as we get to do this again, and maybe I can even fuck you in the tub!” Yoongi cringes at your words.

“Let’s not get too ambitious. On three let’s say it together, 1,2,3: Let’s not get too ambitious.” You both giggle the rest of the night away, concentrating more on each other than cleaning up your mess made of dildos, lube, and straps. You were too lazy to get out of bed, and Yoongi was keeping you busy, so you didn’t really have a reason to, other than cleaning up.

“Oh, aren’t you guys going back to work tomorrow?” You ask, as Yoongi pulls you in for a tight hug.

“Sweetie, we used up pretty much all of our vacation days with you. It doesn’t mean we won’t ever get time off from work again, but officially, we’re back on full-time duty.” You had forgotten how much older your boyfriends had been than you. You were so close with them that the age difference slipped your mind.

It wasn’t like they were in their mid-thirties, you could understand their problems, since they had no other way of making money. Plus, they were dating their landlord’s daughter, they didn’t want to feel indebted because of you.

As easy as they make the relationship seem, you still feel uncertain at times. Actions speak louder than words, you were thinking of doing a large gesture for them. Something to let your boyfriends know you appreciate them.

“I know you like working at the café, but wouldn’t you like to be a music producer, Yoongi?” Your boyfriend wraps a towel around you before throwing his boxers back on and checking if the hallway is clear first before pulling you towards the bathroom.

“I already sold one of my songs. It gave me quite a bit of money, so I think I’ll keep doing it.” Your heart fell at that statement. You were really hoping your boyfriend was making his own profits from releasing his own albums on spotify, but it seems that he did the opposite, not even getting credit for his own tracks.

“That’s not right. Those people won’t even credit you, now that you sold the rights of that song to some heavily produced company. It’s like some crappy teen drama, where everything is forced instead of being introduced and built on. You can’t just sell your music and expect it to resonate with them.”

“Slow down, I don’t recall telling you who I sold the music to. Don’t jump to conclusions without learning all the facts first.” Yoongi snaps at you before folding his arms together, as you check the water in the shower to make sure it’s warm enough for you to step in.

This wasn’t your first time showering together, you already had that experience back in the mountains, during your first and only romantic getaway with your boyfriends. You felt comfortable being naked in his presence now, enough to trust him to retain a little bit of self-control when he’s in the same position.

“Fine, I see your point. Who did you sell your music to?” You turn around, making sure your hair gets wet too. Yoongi had some shower gel in his hands so he was currently lathering your arms and shoulders. He was saving your more sensitive areas for last, since he saw your nipples harden when you stepped into the water.

“J-Hope. I actually made the beats for Outro: Ego.” Your eyes widened at this new bit of information. Yoongi never bragged about it, or bought it up. Even that time you were actually at that concert, listening to that same song. How did he fail to let you in on something so important? Did he think that telling you was a waste of time?

“Yoongi, that’s amazing. Why didn’t you tell me? I would have supported you regardless.” He sighs, looking elsewhere to take his mind off his thoughts of work. Music was a hobby of his, one that he was good at. He just wanted to make a profit without worrying you. 

He knew if he told you about the side projects he was working on, you would get very worried and then go way over your head before having the entire thing explode in your face. You weren’t the most graceful girl in the world, you were clumsy and that’s why Yoongi fell for you.

Your “I can do it,” attitude had its setbacks, as you often got too serious about simple things and overcomplicated in your head, he knew you were currently doing just that. Your perseverance was admirable, though.

“I’m gonna tell you this just once, kitten. You might have not noticed it but you have a bad habit of meddling, and when you do that, it makes trouble for others. Please understand that I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to stick your head in it. It’s my music, and I know what I want to do with it.”

You weren’t offended. Your first thoughts were, ‘Oh, he’s telling me to drop the subject. I can do that,’ but as time progressed, you found yourself growing anxious. You knew Yoongi deeply cared for his songs, and the little free time he spent with you was taking away from his hobby. You wanted him to focus on his career, and become a better artist.

So, you decided to get Yoongi a whole setup using your birthday money. You were saving up to buy something big, but it seems that Yoongi needs your help more than ever.

You go to amazon, adding foam panels and lots of tech equipment to your cart. You spent exactly $228 after everything and you still had about $300 remaining in your birthday cash. You got $500 from your Grandma.

You yawn before crawling into bed for some sleep. Since you spent your day focused on Yoongi, you failed to remember that you hadn’t seen one of your boyfriends the entire day.

                ༻• Thursday, At School •༺

School took a toll on your mental health. You needed a break, even though you just started. The public education system was seriously messed up, making you work double of what you had to do over break. The only thing that made it bearable was your group chat with your boyfriends.

You lock your phone, uneasiness washing over you like an ocean wave. You wish you could go to the beach. Spring seemed neverending and all you could think of was fucking your boyfriends like a bunny in heat.

School passes by slowly, and just as you’re on your way to the café, Jaehyun stops you.

“Jae, hey what’s up?” He looks bruised and battered. You can tell something is horribly wrong.

“The cops arrested my buddies, it was horrible. If you know me, you know I’m not a bad kid. Those guys weren’t either, they were just chilling in my living room, vaping, when a cop busted my door down and arrested like six of my friends. They were all 14, 15, and 16. Not even legal adults, what the fuck is wrong with the justice system?”

“Do you know where they are?” You don’t ask many questions, immediately getting your phone out to text your boyfriends and mom about the situation, since they all knew your daily schedule. Jaehyun was an old friend of yours, too, you couldn’t just leave him.

“They were taken down to the local police station on 95th street. Oh, it was terrible Y/N. They beat me up and I was actually just asking them what my friends did wrong. After that, my parents kicked me out for good. So now I’m homeless.”

“I thought you said you moved out a long time ago?” You help lower him to sit on a bench so he can calm down.

“I-I did, but then those guys were dealing drugs. I didn’t want to be friends with them anymore. So I moved back home.” He starts crying, tears flowing down his cheeks. You had never seen Jaehyun so sensitive in such a long time, that was probably because you made the wrong assumptions about him. 

“Alright, I’ve texted my mom and two other roommates of mine to let them know the situation. Yoongi and Jimin should be here any minute.” You continue comforting your crying friend as your boyfriends pull up to you and Jaehyun. You help him into the car as Jaehyun looks at Jimin with confusion written all over his face.

“Hey, aren’t you the pervert who tried coming onto my girlfriend?” Yoongi mistakes him for Jungkook, as he gets a bad view of him from the front seat.

“No...and what do you mean your girlfriend? You’re dating that guy, right?” He points at Jimin, confusion apparent on his face.

“We’ll explain later. For now, just tell them what you told me. Jimin, full speed ahead to the police station on 95th street.” 

You arrive at the local police station in ten minutes, despite the traffic being horrid. Jimin stepped on the pedal and managed to reach where you needed to go.

“Officer, where are the three young men you arrested from his house?” Yoongi asks, as soon as you reach the police station.

“Oh, those thugs? Yeah, they vandalized private property so we had to jail em. Bail is $200. You can go see ‘em over there.” Jaehyun runs ahead of you to the temporary holding cell in the back of the room.

“Oh my god, guys. Thank goodness you’re okay. I hope they didn’t beat you up too bad?” A tall dark male with some visible tattoos and jet black hair stands up, putting his hand through the cell to hold his friend’s fingers through the bars. You could tell from the grim expression in his eyes that he was used to this. The horrible treatment from the authorities because they assume they’re bad guys. It’s no coincidence that they’re targets because of their dark skin color. Fuck racists, these guys deserve better.

“Nah, we’re fine. We’ve been through worse, right boys?” 

“But still, this is wrong. It’s illegal! They can’t just-”

“Move aside. We’re setting you free, since your brother who’s a district attorney has connections. Just don’t repeat it, okay?” The boys don’t even make a sound as the police officer lets them out of their holding cell and they walk out with their hands behind their heads.

“Are you really used to it? Getting arrested just because some cop thinks you’re dealing drugs or something?” Yoongi’s curiosity gets the best of him, as he asks the boy who spoke to Jaehyun earlier.

“Yep. It happens all the time. Like Marc here was playing basketball out in the driveway once when he was 10 and before we knew it this cop had him pinned down on the ground with his hands over his head. He said the ball looked like a weapon and gave a half-assed apology to us after our neighbor who saw the commotion came outside and told the cop to let go of him. It was really awful, but he got tougher from the experience.” 

You couldn’t imagine a young boy at the age of ten going through something so dramatic and traumatizing in a quaint little town. Even now, the boy standing before you was just a teenager. He had torn jeans and a stylish leather jacket, but you could tell he was a little younger than the rest of the boys in the group.

“That shit ain’t right.” Jimin shakes his head as another boy smacks his arm in agreement.

“You can say that again. We’ve been through some things but it’s not mentally scarring or anything. You can’t beat those racists, huh?!” You bite your lip. You hated bringing up the topic of racism because it is the root of all evil. You hated how parents taught it to their children and it became engraved in humans. Skin color doesn’t determine a person’s worth.

“I guess you’re right. I was the only asian kid in my class in the fifth grade. No one else in that town had a fleck of gold on their skin, they were all pasty white kids. I didn’t know it at the time, but apparently their parents fed them lies and I was never invited to pool parties because they thought my skin was “dirty.” Racism starts at home, man. It doesn’t just appear out of thin air.”

That was the first time you’ve ever heard your boyfriend recite a story from his past so passionately. You had no idea Jimin experienced such shit, especially after going through everything with Jaehyun and his buddies. You’ve never seen high school students look so calm even in the presence of police officers. It’s obviously because they knew they were innocent from the get-go.

“Well, this is where we part ways. I gotta take this uber to my house, catch you later!” You wave as the guy named Marc hops into a taxi and disappears off into the freeway.

“What about you?” Jaehyun gives his friend a puppy-eyed stare as you can tell he wants him to go with him. 

“I’ve gotta go too, bud. It was nice seeing all of you, thanks again for driving down to the station even though we didn’t need your help.”

“Wait!” You stop him before he can get in the waiting taxi. “What’s your name? I’m Y/N, an old friend of Jaehyun’s.” He gives you a small smile before winking at you.

“I’m Duval. Nice to meet you.” 

                                   ༻• Thursday, At Home •༺

You were back to freaking about your graduation again. Your entire life in school was a waste since you were single, you never hung out with friends, and you spent all your free time doing homework. You wish you could go back and rewind time but you would gladly go through it all again if it means you could meet Jimin and Yoongi again.

You’re so in love with them that you might just marry them. You were at least hoping you could have a commitment ceremony so that you didn’t have to worry about being legally bound to one man when you could be equally committed to both. The problem is, your wallet is more empty than your belly when you aren’t shoving food down your throat.

You dedicated all your time to school that you forgot about the outside world. And now you want to spend it on your boyfriends. Ah, when will the pain end? You needed to start working fast before anything else. There was only two weeks left till your graduation, and your anniversary with the boys was coming up as well.

The very much less anticipated arrival of your father was approaching as well, and you were trying to figure out a way to tell him that you were in love with two boys who you also thought of so fondly that you were ready to give your life to them in exchange of a future of happiness and the fact that you weren’t keen on dating or marrying any of the men your father picked out with wealthy backgrounds.

“Babe, will you stop pacing? It’s making me dizzy.” Jimin sinks in your swivel chair as you walk back and forth in the little space between your bed and the table. Thanks to Jimin’s comment, you were even more antsy, biting your nails out of habit until Yoongi bursts into your room with good news.

“Hoseok said he had a singer friend who heard one of my songs and he loved it!”

“That’s great news, now why don’t you come sit and talk to us so we can get our kitten’s mind off school?” You grimace at Jimin’s attempt to switch topics so nonchalantly as Yoongi excitedly makes his way towards you, cornering you into your own bed as he informs you of his day’s events.

“He said he wants me to go over and play a demo for another song since he’s gonna be in town for a couple more days. Hobi said he got lucky because the guy happened to be in town for his own concert and he was on tour so he would only be here until Sunday evening. It’s a three-day concert.” 

This was great! All the pieces were in place and now all that was left to do was wait for Yoongi’s little surprise to arrive. You were keeping an eye on the online package, since you ordered quite a few items.

“Great, so I’m guessing you’re gonna head on over there after work tomorrow?” You ask, unaware of their current situation.

“Actually, since we took all our time off during your spring break, Jin decided to be extra mean and make us work a double shift on Friday. There’s no way I’d be able to leave in between, even if Jimin covers for me. That’s the only day we can meet, since he planned this on such short notice too.” You stand up, banging the palm of your hand flat against the soft cushion on the swivel chair, Jimin’s head just inches away from your arm.

“I’ll do it!” Your boyfriends stare at you as if you’ve grown a second head.

“No, are you crazy?”

“My grades are fine, plus this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for you. You should go, Yoongi. I’ll take your place in work. How long is a double shift anyways?” You want to so desperately express your love for your neglected boyfriend that you’re willing to go through such lengths. That, and you’d be killing two birds with one stone since you could also spend more time with Jimin. Work is work but mixing a little love won’t hurt anyone.

“If you’re sure. A double shift is 14 hours. You’d have to work 6 hours after school, you think you can handle that?” Right on cue, you get a text from your mom. She’s doing the night shift so she probably wouldn’t notice your absence. You’re a good daughter, though, so you text her to make sure she knows what your plan is. She knew about the little setup you were planning for Yoongi, and she supported you in virtually everything you did. Except for your sex life, she definitely had no clue that you had actually gone further than second base, that’s for sure.

“Yeah. I’ll be fine. Plus, I’ll have you too.” Jimin gives you an endearing smile before pulling you down to his lap. You snuggle into his warm chest, breathing in his sweet scent. You loved your boyfriend with all your heart. The mochi hits differently.

“I’m just gonna...go back to my room.” Yoongi awkwardly makes an exit as Jimin continues nuzzling your neck affectionately. You couldn’t help but feeling a bit guilty, since your other boyfriend seemed a bit troubled and you were sitting here, fooling around with Jimin like some teenage slut.

“He’s more awkward than usual today, you wanna go ask him what’s wrong?” He seems to already know what you’re thinking, as you shift around in his lap and you stay silent for an abnormally long time.

“Normally, I would just give him space but he seems to have a lot on his mind. I hope he isn’t too stressed. The opportunity presented itself and I feel like I forced him to do it.”

“No, baby, what are you saying? Yoongi never does something because someone told him to. He really wanted that deal, you know how long he’s been producing as a hobby? So many people have taken advantage of him in the past but this is the real deal.” You didn’t want to ask Jimin to elaborate, as he shifts in his seat and you feel his body heat rising. He’s sweating as well, so you decide to climb off his lap and onto the bed once again, sitting with your legs and arms crossed when you do.

“I know, that’s why I told him I’d work his shift. He can go visit this producer guy on Saturday and blow the hats off those guys while I flaunt my temporary barista skills.” 

“Honey, if you think I’m letting you anywhere near a coffee machine, you’re dead wrong.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Yours and Jimin’s playful banter carries throughout the walls and onto the next room, where Yoongi hears every little exchange between the two of you. To be honest, he’s never felt more insignificant in his life than he does now. With his partners laughing and having fun without him...he felt so self-conscious.

He loved you and Jimin dearly, but sometimes his self-doubts would get in the way of his love for you. He couldn’t trust you because he couldn't completely believe himself. He knew he was in love with Jimin fully, but was he really in love with you? He remembers that very first day when you walked into the coffee shop and openly flirted with his boyfriend. That “friendly” exchange led to something more, something unexpected. 

He never thought he would be the one to initiate the first sexual encounter, but it seemed his fingers had a mind of their own. He developed a little crush on you shortly after you became friends with Jimin, but then his body betrayed him once again when he found out you were living in the same house as him.

He jerked off to the thought of you every day after that, to be honest. He felt dirty, but it felt right. He started getting confused only after you all started dating. You and Jimin were closer than him and Jimin, and him and you. Out of all the combinations, yours was the weakest. 

Sure, you had music in common, but did that really mean anything? Physically, you were more compatible than a glove with a hand, but emotionally, you were distant. He wanted you to follow him out of the room and climb over his back, he truthfully wanted Jimin to kiss his worries away like he always does, and when you were finished, he wanted to be the one to wake you up in the morning just in time for school. He was bad at social interactions, so any dreams of affection were just imaginative unless you took the initiative, or if you were at the right place at the right time.

“Yoongz, I know you better than I know myself. What’s going on in that handsome brain of yours?” His boyfriend is always spot-on when it comes to his emotions. Unlike Yoongi, Jimin excelled at expressing himself and interacting with the world around him. He was like Yoongi’s mouth, at some point. Yoongi had gotten arguably better at expressing himself, though, after meeting you he always put himself out there, just talking to you about whatever was bothering him directly. Of course, Jimin knew this happened only 60% of the time. It’s still a huge improvement for him, Jimin was happy either way. He knows it’s only a matter of time before Yoongi opens up to you completely. A full 100%.

“What if my love for Y/N is just an illusion and my body is addicted to her but my mind is not attracted to her?”

What the fu-

“Think about what you just said. Think about it again, long and hard, imagine her body this time.” Yoongi does exactly as Jimin instructs, feeling his worry melt away instantaneously just by thinking of you. He feels more at ease and a little bit floaty as well.

When he opens his eyes, Jimin is staring at his crotch deep in thought, probably pondering what he just said. Yoongi honestly has no clue anymore. He’s gotta be in love with you, he just knows.

“Just as I thought. You’re craving her again. Go ahead and get her, you dog.” Jimin lets out a short howl before spanking his boyfriend’s ass. Yoongi tries to protest but Jimin simply shoves him towards the direction of your room.

“She’s not some food item, you know? You can’t just say I’m “craving” someone and just walk away.” Yoongi rolls his eyes before knocking on your door.

“Oh, hey Yoongi, you want me to suck you off?” Well, that was easy.

“Really?” You stare up at your boyfriend, looking up from your phone in a bored manner.

“I finished my homework early so I think I deserve a reward, plus I’ve been craving that dick ever since I fucked you. Oh gosh, did you even mention it to Jimin? I don’t think I told him yet.”

“Tell me what?” You and Yoongi both jump back in surprise. Your blue-haired boyfriend is directly behind Yoongi, smiling at you with those half-moon eyes. You love the way Jimin’s face looks when he smiles, it’s simply adorable.

“I threw on a strap and I fucked Yoongi. I’m not joking, I really did.” Jimin’s eyes darken with lust as he stares between the two of you.

“Can you do it again and let me watch this time?” 

#yoongi #jimin #bts #jimin x yoongi x reader #yoonmin #yoongi x jimin #jimin x reader #yoongi x reader #Smut #angst #cafeau #barista #cute #oc #btsff #btsfanfic #yoonmin x reader #Poly #yoonmin poly

[demoiselledefortune]

Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng’s (Lack of) Brotherhood

In fanfiction, it is extremely frequent to see Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng refer to one another as “brother”, either in dialogue, or described as such through the narrative. This always struck me as hitting the wrong note, because in the actual narrative of Mo Dao Zu Shi there is not a single instance where the word “brother” is used to refer to one another, not even once.

Yet it is obvious why fanfics go there. It does fittingly describe the nature of their relationship. Wei Wuxian was brought back to Yunmeng by Jiang Fengmian to be raised by him in a way that looks much more like an adoption than anything. It is probable that the main reason that he didn’t formally adopt Wei Wuxian was because Yu Ziyuan would never have stood by it. Despite her opposition and her worry that Wei Wuxian might usurp Jiang Cheng’s place as heir to the sect, it is obvious that Wei Wuxian wasn’t treated as a servant (as the son of a servant) or as a simple disciple. He was part of the family unit in more ways than not, and they grew up close and their relationship displayed a kind of intimacy and rivalry that is typical of brotherhood.

For Jiang Yanli, it was an obvious fact that Wei Wuxian was her brother, and she claimed him as such, both in dialogue and in the narration from her point of view. Most notably and strikingly, during the Phoenix Mountain hunt. At the time, Jin Zixun was specifically emphasizing Wei Wuxian’s lower status as a servant:

No disciple had ever dared say such lofty words in front of so many people. A moment later, as Jin ZiXun finally regained his composure, he yelled, “Wei WuXian! You’re only the son of a servant—how dare you be so bold!!!”

(Departure, part 2)

And Jiang Yanli is rectifying this to prop up Wei Wuxian against potential insults:

Jiang YanLi added, “Besides, hunting is hunting, so why bring the matter of discipline to the table? A-Xian is a disciple of the YunmengJiang Sect. He grew up with my brother and I, and so he’s as close as a brother is to me. Calling him the ‘son of a servant’—I’m sorry, but I won’t accept this. And thus…”

(Departure, part 2)

“As close as a brother” which describes their relationship very fairly.

And she very soon emphasizes it even more:

Jiang YanLi’s voice was soft, “Madam, A-Xian is my younger brother. Him being humiliated by others, to me, isn’t just a small matter.”

(Departure, part 2)

Not just “like a brother” but straight out calling him her brother. This is the main time she does so in dialogue, and most publically; but the narration also gives us multiple times when she refers to Wei Wuxian as her brother, or to both Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian as her brothers in an equal manner. The earliest in the timeline is even during the flashback when Wei Wuxian had just been brought back to Yunmeng as a child! So that early on, she was comfortable thinking of Wei Wuxian as her brother, period.

At last, one step at a time, she finally managed to carry her two brothers back to Lotus Pier. In a hushed voice, she woke up the doctor and asked him to bandage Wei WuXian’s and Jiang Cheng’s wounds.

(Departure, part 3)

And it’s also there during her death scene -- after Wei Wuxian had caused the death of her beloved husband.

But she couldn’t say anything that was the opposite either. And so, she didn’t know what else she could say to Wei WuXian, under such circumstances. It was just that she felt like she had to see this brother of hers once more.

(Nightfall, part 3)

Yet for all of that Jiang Yanli claims Wei Wuxian as her brother, Wei Wuxian never calls her his sister. Instead, he calls her Shijie -- Sect (Elder) Sister. It is likely that he feels it would be disrespectful and presumptuous for him to call her sister directly.

Given how easily Yanli uses the term “brother” to describe her relationship to Wei Wuxian, I feel that it is very meaningful that Jiang Cheng never does.

That’s why I don’t like when fanfics easily call them “brothers”  -- it elides something about how the narrative presents their relationship. The lack of such “brotherly” terms in the text is a symptom of how ill-at-ease their relationship is. Not quite one thing, nor quite the other.

If not brother, then what?

The other easy way they could be described instead is their relationship of being fellow disciples of the same sect. It is indeed how their relationship is first introduced to us by the narrative:

“The YiLing Patriarch has died? Who could have killed him ?”

“Who other than his shidi, Jiang Cheng, putting an end to his own relative for the greater good. Jiang Cheng led the Four Clans of YunmengJiang, LanlingJin, GusuLan, and QingheNie to destroy his “den”—LuanZang Hill.”

(Prologue)

Shidi, Sect (Younger) Brother; much like Yanli is Shijie, Sect (Elder) Sister.

However, aside from this introduction, the narrative doesn’t describe them by using those terms. Jiang Cheng is never calling Wei Wuxian “Shixiong”, either.

There is one other instance where those terms are used to call them, though, and it’s in the mouth of Jin Guangyao during the dramatic climax at Guanyin Temple:

Jiang Cheng, “You’re the chief cultivator, after all. Fight me if you can—why the chit-chat?”

Jin GuangYao, “You’re still avoiding it? Nothing is over there except for your shixiong. Did you really come here chasing after A-Ling?”

[...]

Jin GuangYao, “Fine. Mr. Wei, you see? Your shidi didn’t come looking for you. He doesn’t even want to spare you a single glance.”

Wei WuXian smiled, “Now those are strange words. It’s not the first day Sect Leader Jiang treats me like this. Do I need you to keep on reminding me?”

Hearing this, Jiang Cheng’s lips twisted slightly. Veins popped from the back of the hand with which he held Zidian. Jin GuangYao turned to him again, sighing, “Sect Leader Jiang, look—it’s just so difficult being your shixiong, isn’t it?”

(Hatred, part 4)

[...]

Jin GuangYao wasn’t swayed, continuing with a smile, “… Back then, the LanlingJin Sect, the QingheNie Sect, and the GusuLan Sect had already finished fighting over the biggest share. The rest could only get some small shrimps. You, on the other hand, had just rebuilt Lotus Pier and behind you was the YiLing Patriarch, Wei WuXian, the danger of whom was immeasurable. Do you think the other sects would like to see a young sect leader who was so advantaged? Luckily, you didn’t seem to be on good terms with your shixiong, and since everyone thought there was an opportunity, of course they’d add fuels to your fire if they could. No matter what, to weaken the YunmengJiang Sect was to strengthen themselves. Sect Leader Jiang, if only your attitude towards your shixiong was just a bit better, showing everyone that your bond was too strong to be broken for them to have a chance, or if you exhibited just a bit more tolerance after what happened, things wouldn’t have become what they were. Oh, speaking of it, you were also a main force of the siege at Burial Mound…”

(Hatred, part 7)

In all those instances, it’s obvious Jin Guangyao is doing it to emotionally rile and wound Jiang Cheng by criticising his failures and poking at his vulnerabilities. Ultimately, destabilizing him emotionally helps him in the fight, and later on, avenging himself on Jiang Cheng’s insulting him by wounding him in return. Using those specific terms allows him to emphasize Jiang Cheng’s responsibility in the breakdown of his relationship with Wei Wuxian and framing it as a failure in duty.

There is also one instance where Wei Wuxian tries to call Jiang Cheng “Shidi”, and that’s the earliest in the timeline that we see of their relationship, during the childhood flashback:

That night, Jiang Cheng locked Wei WuXian outside his room, refusing to let him in.

Wei WuXian knocked on the door, “Shidi, Shidi, let me in. I want to sleep.”

Inside of the room, Jiang Cheng shouted with his back on the door, “Who’s your shidi?! Give me back Princess, give me back Jasmine, give me back Love!”

(Departure, part 3)

Thus resoundingly rejected, it is possible Wei Wuxian never tried again to call Jiang Cheng using that term; even though that whole scene did end up with a reconciliation.

Still, their relationship as fellow disciples of the same sect warrants a bit more exploration. Immediately, Jiang Fengmian brought back Wei Wuxian to be a disciple, and not only that, but to be an elder disciple of Jiang Cheng ; a Shixiong, not a Shidi. It’s unclear to me if this seniority is a matter of their relative age (Wei Wuxian being slightly older) or order of official acceptance in the sect (I’m not sure how it would work out since Jiang Cheng grew up in Yunmeng, obviously, but I don’t know enough to rule it out altogether either). Even more than that, he became the Da Shixiong, the head disciple of the sect. It gives one way for Wei Wuxian to outrank Jiang Cheng, even though otherwise as heir to the Sect, Jiang Cheng is obviously in the superior position. It is possible that though unable to more closely adopt Wei Wuxian into the family, Jiang Fengmian viewed it as a way to strengthen Wei Wuxian’s position as more than a mere servant.

Perhaps this element of hierarchical back and forth is why they don’t, in the end, really refer to one another by those terms. 

Jin Guangyao wasn’t entirely wrong to criticise the frailty of their bonds as members of the same sect. From the start, there were a lot of tumultuous feelings and stimming resentment underneath their relationship. Jiang Cheng was immediately jealous and felt inferior to Wei Wuxian, in particular in regard to how much his own father cared for him. Yu Ziyuan obviously disapproved of Jiang Fengmian’s favorable treatment and encouraged that interpretation out of genuine worry for her son, therefore discouraging Jiang Cheng to become close to Wei Wuxian. Not insensitive to those feelings, Wei Wuxian always saw his welcome in the Jiang family as a benevolent favour creating a high obligation for him, to the point that it perhaps weighed on him. And Wei Wuxian always had a hard time realising the emotional value he has for other people, never realising how deeply Jiang Cheng had come to rely on him and his support.

They clearly both were under a lot of diverging pressures and fraught tensions with regard to their relationship in a way that perhaps never allowed them to properly relax into it. That it didn’t affect Jiang Yanli in quite the same way is probably a mixture of Jiang Yanli’s own brand of awesomeness and because her share of pressure was somewhat lower.

Yet despite their relationship being the fulcrum of this emotional tug-of-war by their parental figures, Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian did grow genuinely close, and cared deeply for one another. It’s hard to think it could be described merely as a relationship between a sect leader and a subordinate, a young master and a servant.

Servant, as we’ve seen, is what people who want to insult Wei Wuxian try to use.

Watching Madam Yu’s reaction, Wang LingJiao was quite pleased, “Wei Ying, if I remember correctly, is a servant of the YunmengJiang Sect, isn’t he? At the moment, without the presence of Sect Leader Jiang, I’m sure that, Madam Yu, you know what’d be the best to do. Or else, if the YunmengJiang Sect insists on defending him, it’d really make people suspect… if certain rumors… are really true… Hee hee.”

(Poisons, part 2)

Here is a rare instance where Wei Wuxian is called a servant outright, framing an attempt to humiliate him and manipulating Yu Ziyuan in allowing Wen Chao’s revenge against Wei Wuxian.

The topic of a servant status is clearly brought up as a possible sensitive point for Wei Wuxian, yet most often discarded.

Jiang Cheng, “The one that MianMian gave you? I didn’t.”

Wei WuXian exclaimed his regret, “I’ll find her for another one later.”

Jiang Cheng frowned, “You’re at it again. You don’t really like her, do you? The girl does look fine, but it’s obvious that she doesn’t have much background. Maybe she isn’t even a disciple. She seems like the daughter of a servant.”

Wei WuXian, “What’s wrong with servants? I’m also the son of a servant, aren’t I?”

Jiang Cheng, “How can you compare to her? Whose servant is like you, having your master peel lotus seeds for you and boil you soup. I didn’t even get to have some!”

(Poisons, part 1)

Here by Jiang Cheng, but Wei Wuxian was bringing it up, perhaps, because he disliked Jiang Cheng’s easy brushing off of MianMian’s status.

Much, much later:

Wei WuXian grinned, “Don’t worry. It’ll definitely work. Speaking of it, SiZhui, you don’t like Young Master Qin all that much, do you?”

Lan SiZhui thought about it, “I do not know either.” He responded with honesty, “He never did anything truly evil, but perhaps I find it difficult to deal with people of such character. I do not particularly like the tone with which he mentioned the word ‘servant’…”

He paused at this point. Wei WuXian was oblivious to it, “Typical, typical. Most of the people in this world look down upon servants. Servants sometimes even look down upon themselves… Why are you two looking at me like that?”

Halfway through, he interrupted, not knowing whether to laugh or frown, “Stop—is there a misunderstanding here? How could I compare? Lotus Pier isn’t the usual household, after all. I’ve beaten Jiang Cheng up way more times than he’s ever beaten me!”

Lan WangJi didn’t say anything, but instead gave him a silent hug. Wei WuXian couldn’t help but smile. He hugged back, stroking Lan WangJi’s back a couple of times. Lan SiZhui coughed. Seeing how confident Wei WuXian looked, not at all sensitive to the word ‘servant’, he was finally at ease.

(Extra : Intrusion, part 2)

This time it is Wei Wuxian who is quick to disclaim that his status in the Jiang household was really that of a servant. However it could still be Wei Wuxian being willing to cling to past grudges or bad feelings, and to maintain a carefree and cheerful attitude out of nonchalant bravado as is his habit.

Overall, it’s pretty clear that Wei Wuxian isn’t really called a servant of the Jiangs, just that his status as a son of a servant is brought up by people trying to demean him.

Even Yu Ziyuan doesn’t actually call him that straightforwardly:

Madam Yu scolded, “Of course you’ll go! Or else would your sister go? Look at her, still happily peeling lotus seeds. A-Li, stop peeling them. Who are you peeling them for? You’re the mistress, not somebody’s servant!”

Hearing the word ‘servant’, Wei WuXian didn’t mind much. He had finished all of the lotus seeds in the dish all at once, chewing as the soft, refreshing sweetness filled his mouth. Jiang FengMian, on the other hand, raised his head slightly, “My lady .”

Madam Yu, “What, something I said? Servant? You don’t want to hear the word? Jiang FengMian, let me ask you—this time, do you intend to let him go?”

Jiang FengMian, “It’s up to himself. He can go if he wants to.”

Wei WuXian raised his hand, “I want to go.”

Madam Yu laughed harshly, “How wonderful. He can go if he wants to. If he doesn’t want to, it’s definitely possible for him to stay. Why is it that A-Cheng has to go no matter what? Raising someone else’s child with such passion, Sect Leader Jiang, you really are a very nice person!”

(Courage, part 1)

She’s always prompt to draw in the subtext that Wei Wuxian’s treatment is too favourable, that it is above the station he should have… but she doesn’t quite go as far as calling him a servant either.

When Yu Ziyuan brings it up, what she’s always driving with this is that Jiang Fengmian is treating Wei Wuxian too nicely in comparison to his own children (and the narrative never actually calls her wrong for that, instead emphasizing indeed Jiang Fengmian’s coldness and even indifference towards Jiang Cheng).

The founder of the YunmengJiang Sect, Jiang Chi, was born a rogue cultivator. The ways of the sect were honest and unrestrained. Madam Yu’s manners were the exact opposite. And, both Jiang Cheng’s looks and personality took after his mother. He hadn’t ever been to Jiang FengMian’s liking. Since birth, he taught him in many ways, yet he still couldn’t change, which was why Jiang FengMian had always seemed as though he didn’t favor him too much.

(Poisons, part 1)

Yu Ziyuan was also trying to stop Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng from growing too close:

Wei WuXian was the son of Wei ChangZe, a servant of the YunmengJiang Sect, and ZangSe SanRen , a rogue cultivator . Both Jiang FengMian and his wife, Yu ZiYuan, were quite familiar with Wei WuXian’s parents. Despite this, Jiang FengMian never reminisced about his old friend in front of Wei WuXian and, moreover, Yu ZiYuan never spoke properly to Wei WuXian at all. It was lucky for him if she didn’t give him a few whips and send him to kneel in the ancestral hall so that he’d keep his distance from Jiang Cheng. Other people told him most of the things he knew about his parents. He really didn’t know much more than what everyone else knew.

(Dew, part 2)

Generally speaking, Yu Ziyuan’s admonishment to Jiang Cheng reinforces the idea that in order to preserve his dignity as a future sect leader, he needs to be kept remote from those of lower status.

Jiang Cheng went to her side. Madam Yu squeezed his arm with her slender fingers, then slapped his shoulder loudly, scolding, “There’s isn’t any improvement in your cultivation at all. You’re seventeen already, yet you’re still like an ignorant child, fooling around with others all the time. Are you the same as others? Who knows which sewers other people will be splashing in, but you’re going to be the leader of the Jiang Sect!”

Jiang Cheng stumbled from the slap, head lowered, not daring to protest. Wei WuXian understood—it went without saying that she was scolding him again, whether obvious or not. On the side, one of his shidi secretly stuck out his tongue toward him. Wei WuXian raised a brow at the shidi. Madam Yu, “Wei Ying, what trouble are you stirring up this time?”

Wei WuXian stood forward, accustomed to it. Madam Yu scolded, “You’re like this again! If you yourself don’t seek progress, then don’t drag Jiang Cheng along to fool around with you. You’re going to be a bad influence to him.”

(Courage, part 1)

Internalizing that informs a lot of Jiang Cheng’s behaviour towards Wei Wuxian, from teenagers at least, as trying to keep him in check and chiding him for misbehaviour, and yet finding in this comradeship a salutary release from the pressure weighing on him. And Wei Wuxian has also internalized that by playing the role of the troublemaker, he can draw out the anger of Yu Ziyuan on him instead to protect him, secure in the knowledge of Jiang Fengmian’s indulgence. Caught between fraught family dynamics, they try their best to protect one another (and I should be remiss to not mention how much Jiang Yanli also does to protect and nurture them in a way their parents rather fail to). But those very behaviours they have to protect one another are also what end up making their relationship so fragile as adults, by leaving essential unsaid words between them.

There is another reason, perhaps, for why they avoided qualifying one another with “brother”, and that comes up to the rumours of Wei Wuxian being a bastard son of Jiang Fengmian.

Madam Yu, “Talk about what? Get back to where? I’ll be talking about it right here. I have nothing to be ashamed of, anyways! Jiang Cheng, come over here.”

Jiang Cheng was stuck between his father and his mother. After a moment of hesitation, he moved to his mother’s side. Holding his shoulders, Madam Yu pushed him forward for Jiang FengMian to see, “Sect Leader Jiang, it seems that some things I have to say. Look carefully—this, is your own son, the future head of Lotus Pier. Even if you frown upon him just because I was the one who bore him, his surname is still Jiang! … I don’t believe for one second that you haven’t heard of how the outside people gossips, that Sect Leader Jiang has still not moved on from a certain Sanren though so many years have passed, regarding the son of his old friend as a son of his own; they’re speculating if Wei Ying is your…”

Jiang FengMian shouted, “Yu ZiYuan!”

Madam Yu shouted as well, “Jiang FengMian! Do you think that anything will change just because you raised your voice?! Do you think that I don’t know you?!”

[...]

Wei WuXian, “Jiang Cheng!”

Jiang Cheng gave no answer. With a few steps, he had already turned the corner of the hallway. Wei WuXian could only roll out of bed and chase over, dragging with him his stiff, sore body, “Jiang Cheng! Jiang Cheng!”

Jiang Cheng walked forward without a care for anything else. Wei WuXian was so mad that he threw himself over and clenched his neck, “Answer me if you heard me! Are you looking for a fight?!”

Jiang Cheng spat, “Go back to your bed and lie down properly!”

Wei WuXian, “I can’t do that, we need to get things straight! You really mustn’t listen to those messed-up nonsense.”

Jiang Cheng spoke coldly, “What messed-up nonsense?”

Wei WuXian, “Those things dirty your mouth even if you just say them. Both of my parents are real people in this world. I don’t want others assigning me to other households!”

(Poisons, part 1)

There is nothing in the story to reinforce the idea that the gossip might be true, yet it is clearly hurtful and a genuine source for worry for everyone in the family, driving even the mild tempered Jiang Fengmian to snap, and for Wei Wuxian to angrily call out to Jiang Cheng to listen to him.

The worry of feeding into those rumours is a large part of what drives Yu Ziyuan to be so wary of Jiang Fengmian’s affectionate treatment of Wei Wuxian. It’s clearly an insult to the reputation of the Sect leader, and to his own legitimate family. And Wei Wuxian, as well, framed it as an insult to his own parents, whose waning memories he does cherish greatly. If they acknowledged one another as brothers, it may come too close to pretending like those rumours could be true, which none of them want to do.

In the end, there is one moment where they put to words what their relationship means to them, and that’s Wei Wuxian’s grand “Twin Pride of Yunmeng” declaration:

Jiang Cheng was silent, as though he had finally become calmer. Wei WuXian put his hand on his shoulder again, “In the future, you’ll be the sect leader, and I’ll be your subordinate, like your father and my father. So what if the GusuLan Sect has its Two Jades? The Yunmeng Jiang Sect will have its Two Prides! So, shut up. Who said that you don’t deserve to be the sect leader? Nobody can say this, even you can’t either. If you do you’re looking for a beating.”

(Poisons, part 1)

Wei Wuxian is the one who put it to words and it clearly meant a great deal to Jiang Cheng, to bring it back so many years later during the Guanyin Temple dramatic scene; so let’s unpack it.

Wei Wuxian draws onto the relationship between both their fathers, he emphasizes its hierarchical nature but without using a word as demeaning as servant. But he also compares them to the Two Jades of GusuLan, who are, indeed, a pair of brothers.

So I guess it does sneak in, subliminally.

There is one fanfiction in which I thought the use of “brother” was done perfectly, and that was @newamsterdame’s “many envies” (https://archiveofourown.org/works/18773845/chapters/44538778). This is because this fic plays putting it to word as a climatic shift after 20,000 words of build up. It first introduces the idea early on, voicing that “Jiang Fengmian never called him a son, Jiang Cheng never called him a brother. But they were family.”, and plays with it until when finally Jiang Cheng acknowledges Wei Wuxian it’s a big cathartic payoff. (Overall this entire fic is a magistral, wonderfully satisfying exercise in set up and pay off).

But when stories don’t make that sort of work (without being A/U or, say, set in a long time post canon after unshown reconciliation), I feel like it really cheapens the tragedy of Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian’s relationship

In the end, they simply called one another by their names, without naming anything of what they meant to one another.

(All quotes from Exiled Rebel Scanlations, thanks to @mrmissmrsrandom for beta, and to the nonnies I initially conversed with when I first ranted about this topic)

#mo dao zu shi #grandmaster of demonic cultivation #jiang cheng #wei wuxian #mdzs #yunmeng shuangjie #twin prides of yunmeng #meta #long #mine

[captcas]

Worth Fighting For (11/?)

WORTH FIGHTING FOR by capthamm

Killian “Hook” Jones is a dominate up and comer in the UFC while Emma “The Savior” Swan’s career was cut short. When Hook’s manager moves up and the office brings in UFC’s youngest legend to keep him in check, will either of them be able to handle it?

read on ao3 // tumblr: ch 1/ ch 2 / ch 3 / ch 4 / ch 5 / ch 6 / ch 7 / ch 8 / ch 9 / ch 10 [Chapter 11/?] 

As fast as her smile faded, Emma’s mask slips back on and she answers for him, “Mr. Jones was unaware of this development and will not be answering any further questions.

She turns away from the reporters, each of them arguing with her decision, but Killian knows better than to question her right now. He gives them all a wink to stay “in character” and turns to follow Emma– scratch that, chase after Emma. She’s practically at a dead sprint, and he’s trying to keep up with her while simultaneously calling them a car. It’s not until she’s out of the stadium that she finally stops, taking a deep breath of fresh air and pacing. He reaches out towards her, words of worry on his tongue when she turns towards him. He drops his hand to his side. “Not here. I will explain, but not here.” He nods, unsure of how else to help excluding pulling her into his arms which he’s not entirely sure would help the situation at all. Luckily the car arrives quickly and they’re on the road without further incident.

Emma doesn’t speak for the entire ride back to the hotel.  

Or for the next forty-five minutes as they nurse seperate tumblers of rum at the dimly lit hotel bar.

Killian is desperately curious as to just who this Neal fellow is, but resists the urge to privately google him. Emma deserves to tell him why she reacted that way— who Neal is to her— if that’s what she wishes. He absent-mindedly watches the recap of the fights on SportsCenter as Emma practically chews a hole through her bottom lip pausing only to take a sip from her glass. He can’t help but stare, even visibly perplexed in horrible lighting Emma is the most radiant woman he’s ever seen. She catches him looking and meets his eye before he can shy away. Emma sighs, finishing the rest of her rum and signaling for another, before turning to Killian, “I suppose I should start at the beginning…”

He can tell she’s nervous and attempts to lighten the mood, “Aye, lass, that’s usually where all tales begin.” He winks and she cracks a small smile disrupted only by a larger sigh than the first.

“I was 18, just started training at the UFC gym on a scholarship for athletics I received in high school. It was technically supposed to go towards college but that wasn’t really my thing. It didn’t take very long for me to realize I was good… really good. Gold wanted me on Contender Series almost immediately and my career jump started before I could say ‘Ultimate Fighting’. Well, the higher ups weren’t the only ones who noticed.” Emma pauses. Killian wants to ask so many questions, but is nervous to break the very thin thread of trust they’re walking right now. He nods slightly so she knows he’s listening and she gives him a tight-lipped smile.

“He was older and already established in the league. He– he took me under his wing and showed me the ropes– media, fight nights, training, all that. Neal was my best friend…” She hesitates again and Killian uses every ounce of willpower not to grab her hand. “...and then he was more than that. We were always so careful but he had just won a huge fight and even got the Fight of the Night bonus. A little drunk– and not just on adrenaline– shit happens.” Emma hangs her head in her hands and Killian starts to put two and two together.

“Henry…” It comes out in a whisper, and entirely by accident. Emma’s eyes meet his and he expects anger but he just sees relief– he understands.

“Nothing gets past you.” She says it half joking and through the sting of rum, but he knows this is further in her story than she would usually dare to  go. “Found out I was pregnant with his kid as his career was gaining momentum and that was that. I also found out he’d been betting on my fights based off what I told him in training and winning a shitload of money. So for whichever reason— maybe a combination of both— he left, blocked my number, and I was left with a positive pregnancy test and an empty apartment. It sucked, but it wasn’t long before I decided I was better without him. I left the sport and the minute I looked into Henry’s eyes, I knew I’d never be back in that ring.”

Killian has never wanted to knock someone out more. He can feel his fist clenching and tries to stop his jaw from tightening. Killian tries to tell himself that it’s not his place to be angry over something that happened to Emma– his heart doesn’t seem to care. “You didn’t deserve that, Swan.”

Emma nods. “I know that– now. I’ve come to terms with it.”

“Pardon my forwardness, love, but if your reaction back there is any indication I’d say that’s not true.” She goes to argue and he raises his hand to continue, “Not that I would blame you. I like a right crack at the bloke…”

Emma bursts out laughing, interrupting him. “Well, it appears you’re going to get your chance, Jones. And I am over it, just… wasn’t expecting the question– or you to be fighting him.”

Killian must give a questioning look because she sighs once more, “He’s been out of the league for awhile, working behind the scenes with his dad I’d imagine…”

“I’m sorry, love, his dad?”

“Gold.” The hair on the back of his neck stands up, realizing how deep Neal Cassidy’s blood runs in the league– clearly the reason he ran.

“Ah. Well, Swan, I promise to give him hell in that octagon.” Killian tries to make a joke but Emma is clearly still weighed down by something.

“Henry doesn’t know.”

There it is.

“He knows his dad is somehow connected to all this but he doesn’t know it’s Neal.”

“Why haven’t you told him?” Killian asks the question before he can second guess himself.

“I signed a NDA when Henry was born. Neal gave up his rights and I gave up child support and the right to tell Henry who his real father was. Once he turns 18, Henry can do whatever he wants, but I can’t— and don’t want to— tell him.”

“I would very much like to meet this Neal outside of the octagon.” She doesn’t need him to protect her, but he’ll gladly kick the arse of a man as despicable as that.

“You and me both.” She ends the conversation with that statement. Ordering one more round for the two of them and turning towards the TV. Killian doesn’t pry; grateful for her trust. They chat about nothing, but Killian doesn’t miss the slight touches of her hand or the way her smile finally reaches her eyes. He can’t be sure, but it’s almost as if sharing her story took some of the weight off her shoulders; her past easier to carry on four shoulders rather than two.

Killian is more than happy to share the burden.

. . .

Emma feels lighter, maybe even happier. She never intended on sharing her story with Killian but now that it’s out in the open she feels like the wall she was so certain would remain between the two of them has crumbled. She finds herself longing for small touches and even stealing small flirtatious glances. She’d have to be an idiot not to notice that Killian was sending them right back at her.

This is uncharted territory.

As they walk back to the hotel room, both slightly tipsy, the energy is reminiscent of the night they shared their first kiss– it scares her that she doesn’t seem to mind. When Killian unlocks the door, holding it open to follow her inside, the brush of his fingers on her back feel like lightning— a quick glance over her shoulder tells her he feels it too. Killian promptly excuses himself to the bathroom and Emma uses the brief moment to try and shake it out.

She’s not sure why she thought that would work.

Killian smiles as he leaves the bathroom, grabbing two bottles of water out of the fridge and handing one to her. If her fingers linger longer than they should have, but so do Killian’s. They sit awkwardly on the edge of the bed, and Emma reaches for the remote to fill the silence that is becoming uncomfortable in its safety.

She catches her breath when Killian speaks up. “For what it’s worth, Emma, I would nev–”

“I know.” It comes out without hesitation or thought. She meets his eyes briefly before inadvertently– yet not regrettably– glancing towards his lips.

She’s shocked to find she misses them.

That’s probably why she leans in a bit… she hopes that’s why he leans in too. Emma feels his fingers entangle in her hair. Their eyes meet and he pauses– it’s up to her.

It’s always been up to her.

Their lips meet and she’s internally kicking herself for waiting so long– and for their forced proximity turning them into a trope in a shitty romance novel.

Man, is he a good kisser.  

They come up for air, Killian’s forehead never leaving hers and his thumb sending shockwaves through the nerves in her cheeks. She feels like she’s on fire in the best way imaginable– it's a new feeling, not one she even felt with Neal. It’s simultaneously exhilarating and terrifying. As he softly kisses her collar bone, she’s positive they could light all of Boston with the energy between them.

She leans in more, suddenly craving as much contact with him as possible. The want is foreign, but in no way uncomfortable. With Neal intimacy was a chore– something she did with as much enthusiasm as washing the dishes, but she’s only kissed Killian twice and ever since her mind has flooded with emotions she’d only seen in movies.

She doesn’t want this feeling to end.

Before she can stop it, Killian’s backing up and she feels the loss. As he rubs his hands over his face, Emma’s heart drops.

She’s made a horrible mistake. Emma assumed she was picking up signals that she’s usually pretty blind to– apparently nothing has changed. “Killian, I–”

“Don’t get me wrong, love. I really–”

“I know, you don’t feel the same way. I shouldn’t have–”

Killian grabs her by either side of her face, leveling with her, “Swan, I’ve been wanting to do that since the moment we met… and even more so since– since last time.”

“But…” Emma knows there’s a but.

“But… I need to know that this is what you want. That you aren’t getting swept up in some moment… I can’t–”

Oh. “Killian, I don’t– I’m not– I just know I feel… something.”

“Aye, love. As do I.” His eyes turn from worry to kindness and she feels herself catch back up with the intensity of her want.

“Can that be enough for now?” It isn’t fair–to either of them– but Emma needs an out. She knows, without one, this will crash and burn before they’ve even started.

“I am quite a patient man.” She isn’t sure if that’s an agreement to the murky terms she so haphazardly laid between them and shoots him a puzzled look. He chuckles softly, “Aye, love. I’ll gladly take whatever you give.” She smiles, finding comfort in moving at her own pace (which is as unknown to her as it is him). Emma leans in again, stealing a chaste kiss from him and he smiles.

They silently agree to move towards the back of the bed, and she settles in tucked beneath Killian’s arm. He mostly comments about the show on TV, some procedural re-run he must’ve seen before. Emma listens intently, each word lighting a new spark inside of her. She’s been told love and intimacy were electric, but until recently she thought it was just an over exaggeration at best– now she’s positive it’s real. Between conversations they make-out like teenagers, but in small moments she feels Killian’s thumb brush across her hip bone or his lips gently kiss her temple and she’s never felt so alive.

When morning comes, Emma finds herself in a similar position to the one she fell asleep in, Killian’s strong arms wrapped around her in a hug like none she’s ever felt before. She feels his breath move steadily against the back of her head and finds peace in his rhythmic nature. It’s probably that which allows her to slip back into sleep for another hour only waking when she feels Killian do so beside her. With a kiss to her shoulder, he promises coffee and gets up to retrieve it.

The bed is cold without him in it.

She can’t possibly be used to that already, can she? Before she has time to contemplate what that really means, she gets up to shower. Killian is back with coffee and donuts by the time she emerges from the bathroom. They’ve not said two words about last night, but Emma kisses him all the same as he hands her the hot cup. He seems surprised at first, most likely expecting her to backtrack on all they’d discussed the previous night, and Emma doesn’t blame him. That kiss is all it took for Killian to brighten up. The entire morning happy and chipper, even as they drive home and get stuck in traffic.

Emma likes having that effect on him.

Emma likes him.

As Killian pulls up to her apartment, Emma is so engaged in heated debate over hard shell vs. soft shell tacos that she doesn’t realize the time. This car ride goes much quicker than the one to the hotel, their conversation flowing easily– so much so she even forgets about Neal. They exit the car, “Killian it is impossible to eat tacos in a hard shell. They practically become nach–”

“MOOOOOOM!”

Emma freezes, the reality of her situation hitting her like a train going full speed.

Emma snaps out of it at the feeling of his head hitting her smack in the stomach. “Hi kid! I missed you!” Emma kisses the top of his head before he pulls back.

She can tell the moment he sees Killian.

“Oh my god. Mom?! That’s Hook!” She hears Killian chuckle and she can’t help the ping of happiness she feels in her gut.

“Aye, lad. In the flesh.” Killian mock bows for Henry and she’s not sure she’s ever seen a smile so wide– on either of them. “You must be Henry?”

She was wrong; that is the widest smile she’s ever seen out of her son. The fear she felt has completely dissipated as she watches Killian interact with Henry. They hit it off immediately, Henry asking at least one hundred questions about the UFC and Killian answering each fully and genuinely. Her stomach flips.

Emma’s so enamored with the scene in front of her that she almost forgets Mary Margaret had to have dropped him off. Emma practically jumps when she appears at her side. “Wow, he’s good with him.”

“Stop.”

Mary Margaret smiles, Emma’s shut down most likely a clear indicator of what’s happening between her and Killian. “Just saying.”

“Thanks for watching him. I owe you a million.”

Ms smiles brightly. “Anytime.” The hidden meaning is not lost on Emma, but she’s not about to humor any of her friend’s shenanigans – at least not yet. “Bye Henry... Hook.” The boys wave and Emma swears her heart doesn’t do another belly flop.

She never meant for Killian to meet Henry this soon, but she also never meant for Killian to happen at all. It’s weird how her life has a tendency to chew her up and spit her out in exactly the spot she needs to be. When she looks at the way he is with her son, and catches Killian’s slight glance towards her– smile bright and full– she’s startled to find she can’t imagine a scenario where this isn’t exactly where he’s meant to be, too.

#captain swan ff #captain swan #Emma swan #killian jones #cs modern au #worth fighting for #capthamm

[r3b3lgrrrrrrrl]

A LunaTic and her Gunn (Part 110) "Charming... Isn't He?"

@crystalbaby12 @backoftheroomandnotbelonging @5sosfam1dlover @rosefilledhearts-blog

Luna uncharacteristically wakes up before Colson or her alarm. She lays silently as she listens to him breathe, wishing she didn't have to leave. She doesn't know what time it is, only that they went to bed well after 6A and that she has a flight out of Hopkins International at 10A. Not wanting to disturb him, her fingers nervously run along the tiny padlocks chain that lays around her neck as she continues listening to him. Finding a calm comfort in his deep, repetitive breathes.

"Why are you even going?" She questions herself. "Because Jax told you when he married Tara... Yeeeeah, but he didn't tell you when he started fucking her." Her brain argues their history with itself. "It's the right thing to do, Loons... You know you're gonna catch shit if they hear about it from anyone else before you." Luna let's out a deep, frustrated sigh.

"Hey... You're awake?" Colson's groggy voice asks as he reaches for her.

"Yeah... I'm sorry. Did I wake you?" Luna asks as she snuggles into him.

"Nah... I've been awake on and off. Too much Adderall yesterday." He answers as he takes in her unique smell of coconut oil, weed, Euphoria and their sex.

"Aww, Bunny... You want a couple Xanax to even you out today?" She asks.

"Ahhhh... Maybe. What I really want right now is you." He grins as he pulls her chin up to kiss her mouth.

"Mmmm..." Luna moans through their kisses as she climbs on top of him.

Colson's rock solid as Luna works him into her. Taking her time as she pushes each huge inch further inside of herself. He stretches out in pleasure as he holds her hips steady. Bowing down to kiss him, her soft hair tickles his face as she slowly slides up and down on his cock. Rolling her hips in circular motions while making him press against her unknowing organs.

"Ohh fuck, I love your pussy." Colson breathes out as he flips her onto her back.

Throwing her legs over his shoulders, he climbs back inside of her. Making her moan loudly from his girth as he sucks on her neck. Pushing her hips up, she matches his momentum.

"Who's girl are you?" He demands as he bites on her ear.

"Oooh shit, Col. Yours. Fuck! I'm fucking yours!!" Luna cries out as he makes them both cum at the same time.

Luna drops her legs as Colson buries his face in the pillow next to her head. Keeping his dick warm inside it's Home. After catching their breath, he kisses her cheek before rolling over. Propping himself up on his elbow, he brushes away the stray pieces of hair from her face.

"You're coming home to me tonight, right?" He asks quietly as he gazes down at her.

"Of course, Bunny. I'm all in. With YOU. No one else." She reassures him as she leans up and pulls him in closer for a promising kiss. "I got something for you." Her blue eyes dance for him in the morning sun before she springs out of the bed.

"What the fuck did you do now?" He asks with an amused chortle.

"You'll have to see..." She gives him an earnest smile as she pulls a large white box out of the closet and sets it on his lap.

"Seriously!?!" Colson exclaims as his eyes almost bug out of his face when he lifts his gift up.

Inside the box is a beautiful, red, leather duffel bag. 5:3666 blazes out from it's side in a gleaming white. Diablo popping out on it's own from the shoulder strap pad.

"It's a fucking Balenciaga!! How the FUCK did you do this?" He asks in delighted amazement.

"I called in a favor. Demna made it especially for you after hearing Hotel Diablo." She smiles sweetly at him.

"You played him my fucking album??" He asks wildly.

"Well, no. I didn't play it for him personally but I sent him a copy. He'd asked for it in order to design the piece." Luna shrugs. "He fucking loved it by the way." She gives Colson that One Look that had solidified his love for her not even 3mnths ago.

"How the hell did I get so lucky with you?" He questions no one in particular as he pulls her naked body onto his.

They're in the middle of making out to his Thank Yous when Luna's alarm goes off. Colson whines for her to ignore it but she coaxes him to join her for a ShowerFuck instead. He obliges, learning early on in their relationship, it's better to fuck Luna out of town instead of fight her out of it.

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After their ShowerFuck, a few joints, a line of Adderall and three 30s, Luna heads downstairs dressed in black skinny jeans, a black printed tank, Docs and her usual jewelry. Colson and her carry on in tow. They find Ashley, Dom, Bullet and Skies roaming around the kitchen. They're flying out too but on a later flight to LA while Luna's headed to Stockton. It's a little under a 5hr flight, putting her in Charming around 330/4Pish.

"Alright, I'm outta here." Luna says once she gets the alert for her Uber. "I love you." She tells Colson with a kiss after exchanging GoodByes and Love with everyone else.

Colson slaps, grabs and holds onto Luna's ass cheek as he walks her out of the house to her waiting ride, shutting her door, he leans in for one more kiss, leaving an "I love you too." lingering on her lips.

Watching her Uber pull out of the driveway his heart starts to ache for her immediately. "She'll be back, Kells. She always comes back." He tries to convince himself, knowing it's true as he heads inside to post his gratitude to IG.

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"When your girl's got amazing style AND gnarly connects you get sweet custom gear. Thank you @balenciaga Not only am I honored that you listened to my album but I'm humbled and LOVE your interpretation!🙏🏽 Time to celebrate #hoteldiablo with this FRESH shit Letsssss gooooo Fam! 🏁😈🍾🖤"

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"Yo... You doin' anything today?" Colson asks Pete when he finds him in the kitchen with Trippie and the others that are awake.

"Nutten'. I was gonna stick around here until Monday or so if you don't care." Pete answers. "Where's Loons?" He asks, looking around for Colson's second appendage.

"She has some personal businesses to handle..." He quickly brushes him off, not wanting to talk about it. "Feel like shootin' a video? I got that Pop Up shop with Case but after that I'm tryin' to kick out a jawn for Candy." He looks between Pete and Trippie.

"Fuck yeah, man. Like Loco?" Pete asks with a smirk.

"Somethin' like that." Colson laughs. "You in, Trip?" He goes on to ask.

"One." Trippie nods as he lifts his hungover head and index finger up off of the counter.

"Word. You trying to ride to this Pop Up?" He asks to Pete's head shake. "Fuck you then... I'M OUT, BITCH!" Colson exclaims to everyone else's head pounding groans.

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Luna lands and rents a car, making sure to Snap Colson on her way to Charming. It's a little over a half an hour from the airport. She makes it to Teller-Marrow Automotive before 4P.

"BATTON DOWN THE HATCHES!! TROUBLE'S HOME!" Gemma declares with a wide grin as she slams her hand down on the old Chevy next to her at the sight of Luna.

"Hey, Gems." Luna can't help but smile as she's engulfed in the Mama Bear's hug.

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✴️Patti Smith and Gemma Teller-Marrow can not stand each other. Never could. Oddly enough, the old Biker Matriarch has a huge soft spot for the older Punk's granddaughter. Knowing Luna since she was a little kid, she's one of the few who are fully aware of the intimacy Luna shares with her son. Always preferring her over any other female Jackson has ever interacted with. Gemma's the real reason Luna came to Charming personally. The young rebel having a deep love for her and being wise enough to know what bridges to burn and which to not even dare to bring a spark around.✴️

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"What are you doin' here, Sweetie? Jax know you're comen'?" Gemma has a zillion questions.

"Yeeeah..." Luna says sheepishly as she looks down. "He knows."

"What's goin' on?" Gemma's tone changes as she props her hand on her hip.

"I'm getting married." Luna answers lowly as she holds out her hand to display the huge ruby that claims her soul.

Gemma's quiet as she takes Luna's hand and admires the gleaming ring. Luna's heart can't help but sink as she feels Gemma's disappointment. She can feel it all as the mother's hopes and dreams of Luna and Jackson's future together evaporate into the thick, California air around them.

"Serves him right for even getting involved with that cunt to begin with." Gemma coldly states before softly looking into Luna's eyes while still holding her hand. "You sure about this?" She asks as she obnoxiously flicks her manicured nail onto the brilliant stone, slightly embarrassing Luna by it's size as she gives a firm nod. "You're happy? He knows the deal and treats you right?" She asks with a gentle assertiveness to her questions.

"Yes. He's wonderful." Luna smiles dreamily.

"Good... Because you know what'll happen otherwise." She says with a deadly smirk. "You're staying for dinner, right?" Gemma doesn't ask as she throws her arm around Luna's shoulders.

"Yeah..." Luna nods again as she silently curses her life.

Pulling out her phone, Luna switches her flight from 6P to the next one at 10P. She's torn. Knowing that Colson's gonna be pissed while also knowing well enough to never decline an invitation to Family Dinner from Gemma Teller-Marrow.

"BOYS!!! BABY GATOR'S HOME FOR DINNER!!" Gemma shouts as she leads Luna inside the garage, making her cringe at the old nickname.

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Colson is in the Prospect East section of Cleveland when he catches Luna's Snap. The sight of her name on his screen makes his heart pound before he even clicks View.

"Fuuuuuuuck me." He smiles to himself at the sight of her, grinning wider at her words. His heart feels a slight ease for the first time since he shut the car door beside her. "She's YOURS." He reminds himself before Casie pulls on him.

"Dad. I don't wanna just stand here." His daughter complains.

"Okay, Peanut..." He answers as he focuses on his surroundings. "Wanna ring people up?" He asks as he narrows in on the cash register.

"Can I?" Casie asks with bright eyed enthusiasm.

"Yeah, Nut. Who else would I trust with our money?" He laughs as he leads her over to the register.

Colson proceeds to walk the floor. Interacting with excited fans as he helps them choose the perfect Hotel Diablo pieces to represent them personally. Taking pictures, signing fresh mech, chatting and answering thousands of questions. Appreciating more than anything the intense, intimate relationship he has with his fans.

"This is what it's all about." He thinks to himself as he graciously walks amongst his supporters.

Daaad..." Casie calls for him again.

"What's up, Kiddo?" He asks as he approaches her.

"I have my camera for a reason. Looney would be taking pictures if she was here. Not money." The not so little girl challenges her father.

"You're right..." He laughs as he extends his hand out to Casie.

Following her dad around, she grabs perfect, intimate shots of the fans inside the one time store. Having a natural eye, she knows what's genuine and what's bullshit. Wandering outside behind Colson, she continues to shoot what she finds interesting. Trying to grab a great shot, her camera jams.

"DAAAD!!!!" Casie hollers in a panic.

"It won't work!" She says with a frustrated tone as she smacks the back of Colson's arm to get his attention.

Colson bends down to help her. He has no clue what to do as Casie thrusts the camera up at him like he has ALL the answers. Making him silently hate Luna for leaving .

"Peanut, I don't know what I'm doing..." Colson admits with hesitation.

"Call Looney." His daughter demands out of frustration.

Leaning heavily over him, the driven girl makes sure he does what she says. Watching his fingers move around the flat screen until she sees Luna's face pop up.

"Call her." Casie demands again.

"OKAY." Colson chuckles at her demeanor as he hits call and kicks it on to speaker phone.

It rings through to both of their dismay. Pushing any bullshit out off his mind, Casie's dad suggest they Snap Luna. Pulling her in close for a selfie, they send their girl a simple message. Walking around again, Colson tries not to let his insecurities bug him... But we're all only human.

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It's not even 5P and The Clubhouse is in full celebration from Luna's unexpected arrival. Tig gripping her up for an over exaggerated Welcome and spin around. Once her feet are back on the floor, she takes a few shots with Bobby before coming around the bar to hug him while still bullshitting and filling him in on her and her grandmother's well being. Juice comes equipped with another huge hug and a joint for Luna as he also grabs a beer and another round of Welcome Home shots.

"EYYYE!! The wee one has returned!" Chibbs shouts as he embraces Luna. "Why the tattoos on your beautiful face though, Love?" He questions her as he holds her cheekbones carefully in between his weather beaten hands after their own Welcome.

"You sayen' I'm ugly, Chibby?" Luna gives him a playful half smile.

"A soul like yours could neva be ugly, My Dear." He reassures her with his heavy accent. "But... You're much prettier without... In my opinion." The old Irishman kindly whispers into her ear as he hugs her again.

Piney can barley breathe at the sight of Luna. It's been a couple years and a lot of tattoos since he last saw her. Sitting on his large lap, she wraps her arms around him for a soul swallowing bear hug and sweet nuzzle.

"Why you here, Kid? I know Patti doesn't want you around Gemma's toxic bullshit." Piney asks her directly, never one to fuck around.

"I'm getting married..." Luna says quietly. "And I wanted to tell Jax personally." She explains as she lightly drops her engaged finger onto her lap for him to see.

"You've always been a good one." Piney says as he takes in a deep breath off of his oxygen tank, knowing all too well the relationship between Jackson and Luna. Looking down at the ring, he's unimpressed. "He's a good one too?" He asks as his tone drops. "Not a junkie like the other?" The old vet holds no punches with his questions. "You know you don't need money or protection, Luna. You need loyalty and soul." The old man firmly advises her.

"No. I know... And he's good." Luna answers as she kisses the top of Piney's balding head. "I wouldn't be here if he wasn't." In her soul, she doesn't believe that she's giving off half truths to one of her grandmother's oldest friends.

"You know what'll happen if not." Piney says firmly, coughing at the idea.

"Let her go, Pop." Opie interupts them to Luna's appreciation. "We're not 15yrs old anymore." He sighs out as he takes Luna's hand and she rises from his dad's lap.

"Don't let him fool you, I'll always be 15." Luna beams at the old man as she kisses his still observing cheek.

"You're such a fucking kiss ass." Opie calls her out as they walk away.

"Fuuuck you. I love your dad, Asshole." Luna laughs as they head towards the bar. "Where's Jax?" She asks as some random girl hands them bottles of Budweiser. "Seriously? We haven't moved up in taste?" She cocks her lip at Opie as she takes a swig of the grossness in her hand.

"Some thing's never change." He shrugs as he guzzles America's beer.

"I guess... Maybe it's the acholic in me that'll take the 8.5% over some bullshit 4..." Luna smirks as she eyes Opie and swigs her own.

"You're such an Asshole." He looks over at her with a half grin as he finishes his water that's called beer.

"Yes." Luna nods her head laughing. "That's never gonna change either, Bro." She states as she kisses the side of his burly arm.

"So, why are you here?" Opie finally cuts through the shit, much like his father.

"Honestly?" Luna sighs.

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✴️ Luna and Opie's relationship goes far beyond friendship. It's so deep that they consider each other brother and sister without hesitation. Luna appreciating him in the same glorious light that she holds for the other three men in her life that she calls her Brothers. Jackson being the only hem in their thick lining. Considering himself a brother to both Luna and Jackson, the months leading up to the summer of '08, when had Luna came home to Tara, sent Opie into an anxiety induced spiral. Making him withdrawal from Jax just when he needed him the most. Forcing Jackson to grip tighter onto Tara as an anchor in the swirling world of the aftermath of his father's death the previous summer. Watching their connection grow was frustrating, confusing and upsetting to Opie. Only to make him angry when an unknowing Luna came back home 4mnths later to be shocked and heartbroken by the new, unexpected relationship. It had always been Luna and Opie, since that first summer when she turned 8yrs old. Jackson had tagged along but Luna had lived in the cabin with Piney and Opie for eight summers. Sharing bunkbeds and joints. Fears and secrets. Trusting every ounce of one another as they grew up in each other's hands. Opie and Luna had spent the Summer of '08 together, just the two of them. Riding, surfing, partying at Smurf's and all over The Coast while causing immense destruction with their uncontrollable souls and broken hearts. Both pissed in the silent knowing that it was the last summer that Luna would spend in Charming because of Jackson's choices and actions. It never hindered their relationship though. Luna coming back home for not only Opie and Donna's small wedding, the birth of both her niece and nephew but also their birthdays every year until Luna's mourning sabbatical.✴️

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"I'm getting married." Luna says softly as she looks into Opie's eyes. "I wanted to tell Jax personally so....." Her voice trails as she looks away.

"To the Cleveland guy you've got that song with?" Opie asks honestly, trying to connect the dots.

"Yeah... His name is Colson." Luna answers with a nod as she swigs her weak ass beer. "Can I get something stronger, please?" She asks as she throws her hands up in frustration.

"You just met him, didn't you?" Opie questions her.

"Technically... Yes. But ACTUALLY no." Luna answers as she reaches for the double shot of Jack that the bartender has so kindly placed on the bar for her. "I kinda ran into him YEARS ago when I was first with Justin.... Then we caught back up annnnnnnnd....." Luna shrugs her shoulders as she takes a smooth sip of her actual acholic beverage. "Shit happens."

"Shit always happens with you, Loons." Opie laughs as he shakes his head. "When do I get to meet him? Am I invited to the wedding? You know I gotta put that reaper fear in his heart beforehand. That's MY JO..."

"Who needs to fear The Reaper? Where we spreadin' that shit?" Jackson asks as he walks up on to Opie and Luna. Tossing his arms over their shoulders, his kisses Luna's cheek with an easy "What's up, Baby Gator?"

"Hey..." Luna greets him as she uncomfortably wiggles out from under him and shoots Opie an Eye. "Uhhhmmm... You got a minute?" Luna asks Jackson with a hesitation in her voice.

"Yeah, let's take a ride." He answers nonchalantly as he grabs Luna's hand and pulls her through The ClubHouse.

Clay sits watching as they disappear. He's the only person Luna avoided greeting personally. She's doesn't like him but she's not rude to him out of respect and fear of Gemma. Not the patch. Luna's one of the very few in The World who doesn't fear The Reaper. ONLY Gemma.

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"Uhhhmm... Do you still have my bike?" She asks as they hit the garage door.

"REALLY?" Jackson turns to her with a tone of annoyance.

"I built that fucker from the ground up!! If it's live, I wanna ride that shit!" Luna exclaims.

"Relax!" Jackson counters with a laugh at her stubbornness, thinking he's falling a bit more in love with her but it's only the nostalgia of The Bike and Luna's presence mixed together.

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✴️ Luna, Jackson and Opie had started the rebuild in '05, just before Luna had turned 13yrs old. Luna insisting they put it on hold while she was gone. Piney had kept it oiled throughout the winter, Luna making him proud when she came back the following summer and finished it up. It's the same bike Jackson had taught her how to ride on. The same summer he showed her how to handle multiple kinds of guns. It was also the same summer she had popped her cherry with him and reunited with The Cody Boys. Looking back, there's no doubt that the Summer of 2005 changed the course of Luna's life. Easily, on a shining morning filled with water and sand. It's also the same bike she went wild on in the Summer of '08 with Opie. It's HER bike. SHE built it, SHE learned on it and SHE confirmed her independence with it. In the dark, without even Opie. Rolling down the PCH on too many nights to count. Alone✴️

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"You're in luck... The Old Man loves you." Jackson flashes his charming grin at her as he pulls the cover off of her bike.

"Oh, shit!! Really!?!" She laughs with a huge smile as Jackson rolls her baby out. "I can't believe it, Dude!" She exclaims as she runs her hands over the sleek white and baby blue colored metal.

"Get on..." He encourages her as she easily swings her leg over and settles comfortably onto the worn out seat that cups her ass. "You look good." He smirks with his blue eyes teasing her. "Let's ride."

"Alright, gimme a minute. Grab yours, I'll be out in a sec." Luna says as she pulls her phone out of her back pocket.

Luna knows she needs to call Colson about her flight change. Clicking her phone on there's a Snap from him.

"I have to pee..." Luna says as she jumps off of her bike and heads back into The ClubHouse towards the bathroom leaving a clueless Jackson behind.

"Oooohh.... I love them." Luna's heart giggles as her face splits into a huge smile at Colson's maniacal look and Casie's sweet face.

She calls them but it rings through to her slight irritation. It seems like they can never catch each other when they're apart. Shooting a Snap, she heads back into the garage. Climbing onto her bike, she wheels it out towards Jackson. Catching his eye as she rolls up next to him.

"One of the better investments I've made in my life." He nods with a cool smile, Luna not knowing whether he's talking about the bike or her.

"You ready?" She asks with an unamused tone.

Jackson's smile and the roar of his bike indicates that, Yes, he's Ready To Go. He can't help but watch as Luna fires her own up with ease. His dick growing hard as he watches her face fall into a smile of content as it's familiar rumble rattles deep into her bones. He always thought she was at her best with a bike between her legs and a Glock in her hand.

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Colson gets Luna's Snap as he's heading into the house to grab Pete. They're supposed to meet Trippie DownTown at a specific location they have blocked off. Casie pushes passed him as he checks it.

"10P... What the fuck is 10P??" Colson's brain immediately freaks out. Calling Luna, she doesn't answer. "I will fucking kill them....." He starts to spin out. "She said she'd be back tonight... A 10P flight is NOT tonight." Colson's throat starts to close as he becomes angrier.

"What's goin' on, Buddy?" Pete asks as he comes up to Colson.

"She's with fucking Jackson and her flight isn't until 10 fucking PM." Colson unloads without thinking.

"Loons?" Pete asks slightly confused but more to confirm.

"Yeah, fucking Loons." Colson snaps back.

"Alright, chill out..." Pete says as he puts his hands up. "It's not the end of The World... This Jackson Guy, I've met him. Yeah, he's blonde and hot like you but he rides a motorcycle... What are they gonna do on a motorcycle?" Pete asks, thinking he's helping.

"Uh, I don't know... Wrap her fucking legs and body around him!?!" Colson shouts.

"But it's from the back... She can't stick her baby maker into his ass... It doesn't work that way." Pete says as he throws his hands up again with his logic.

"Just shut the fuck up..." Colson growls at him in aggravation.

"Ahhh, C'mon... You REALLY think Loons is gonna pull some shit on you?" Pete says as he gives him a You're Fucking Stupid look.

"Wouldn't be there first time." Colson mutters.

"What?" Pete cocks his head towards Colson quickly. "Nah... You two are inseparable. She ain't like that either... So... What the fuck are you tawken' bout?" His Stanton Island accent immediately kicking in.

"Nothen'... I'm just buggen' let's go grab Trip..." Colson tries to change the conversation and push Pete out the door.

Pete starts again "Nah, man... What th..."

"DAD. Are you ready?" Casie comes into the kitchen, looking at him and Pete.

"Yeah... C'mon, we out." Colson shoots Pete an Eye before grabbing his new bag.

"This ain't over." Pete says sternly once him and Colson are shoulder to shoulder and out of Casie's ear shot.

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"Here? REALLY...?" Luna sighs as she straddles her bike between her legs before kicking it onto it's stand so she can sit. "Why would you bring us here?" She asks as she plays with her hands.

"Why wouldn't I?" Jackson counters with his snide blue eyes sparkling in the low afternoon sun.

"I fucking hate him so much." Luna's insides rage.

"You know, don't you." Luna's question stopping all of his games in their tracks.

"Know what?" He asks coyly as he skips a rock out into the open road ahead of them.

"For real?" She asks with disbelief as she climbs off of her bike.

"Say it." Jackson turns, making their eyes meet. "Say it." He repeats himself as the hints of green spark out of his deep blue eyes from the emotions he's trying to hide.

"I'm getting married, Jackson." Luna huffs out, with an annoyance she truly didn't want while more than their eyes connect.

"Alright... Fine. But, until then c'mon." Jackson grins as he pulls Luna down the hill.

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"That's RIGHT!! We'd convinced Unser that Donaldson was blind and had no idea how many Reese's he was buying or not buying!!" Jackson laughs deeply.

Luna's sitting with Jackson on the rocks by the ocean. They're close to the spot where they had shared their first kiss. Now, almost 15yrs later, they only share joints and old stories. The water giving off an intense energy as it rocks, waves and pushes against the shoreline aggressively. Grabbing her hand, Jackson studies the expensive piece that sits on her finger.

"The girl I knew would've never wore anything like this." He says lowly.

"The girl you KNEW... Was a CHILD." Luna scoffs as she pulls her hand away angrily from his truth.

Sitting silently, there's too many unspoken words between the two of them. Heartbreaks that burned too deep. Promises that broke too hard. Along with unforgiven Sorry's and long remaining regrets.

"You know it's because of you, right... You're unhappy..." Jackson states flatly as he looks into the swirling waters.

"What?" Luna asks as she cocks her head towards him.

"The water rages with the moon... And YOU are named after The Moon... LUNA." Jackson looks over at her as he licks his lips with a satisfied smile. "You're gonna tell me you're happy?" He half asks as he slides his hand across her jawbone.

Jackson presses his mouth against Luna's. Pushing his wet, firm tongue into her mouth. For a second they connect like synergy, Luna easily falling into his hold like she had in her grandmother's penthouse. Jackson taking full advantage of her weakness for him as his hands grasp the face of the girl that he's missed for so many years.

"You're not mine." Luna quickly pushes him off of her with a stoned slur and a shake of her head, recognizing that the familiarity of his mouth is not HER familiar mouth. "We've gotta get to dinner." Luna states as she stands up and brushes the sand off of her ass and hands before making her way up the hill.

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"Tell me THIS is what you want." Jackson says as he grabs Luna's left wrist and pulls her closer to him with his other hand by the small of her back.

"What? THIS like US? Or like, THIS as in me and Colson and the multiple rings, tattoos and other items I rock on my body for him?" Luna asks with a scowl. "I don't know where you got confused... But, the last time I saw you, I had a boyfriend. We got engaged... Annnnnnnnd from what I gather..." Luna sighs and rolls her eyes. "It's a pretty big fucking deal to The World, so I flew the fuck down HERE to tell you in person instead of letting you find out on the Internet or some other shit... Which apparently you already DID, so it doesn't fucking matter. Shit, Jax... I thought I was doing the right thing here. Obviously fucking not." Luna huffs with annoyance as she fishes a Newport out of her bag.

"I didn't think it would last. And it's fast as shit..." Jackson shrugs. "I don't know... Maybe I thought you'd float around for once...?"

"Float around...? What the fuck do you mean Float Around?" Luna pulls on her Newport hard before exhaling a large cloud of offended smoke.

"I don't know... Like date diff..." He doesn't even get to finish his sentence.

"What!?!" She cuts him off. "No. Why would you think that?? Justin fucking KILLED himself, Jackson. He didn't just fucking break up with me one day and move out. HE LEFT HIMSELF HANGING IN OUR FUCKING BEDROOM AND ME WITH OUR WHOLE FUCKING LIFE!" Luna's screaming as tears pour down her face. "I stayed single because I HAD TO. I didn't want to Float AROUND because I couldn't even STAND THE IDEA OF ANYONE FUCKING TOUCHING ME!!" Luna's hands are flying like annoyed hummingbirds as she continues to scream at Jackson. "FUUUUUCK!!! I even tried again with you. I don't know why it didn't click. I can't help that and I'm sorry. But in all honesty, I was lucky enough to run back into someone that I have a CRAZY connection to without even speaking... And you know what? Considering that it's been more then 10yrs since YOU CHEATED ON ME, you can go fuck yourself. I don't owe you shit when it comes to explaining our relationships to each other. This was a FUCKING courtesy and I'm goin' to fuckin' dinner." Luna takes another long drag off of her 100 before flicking it so that it purposely zips just past Jackson.

Stalking away, she climbs on to her bike. Shooting him a nasty eye, she fires it up and is off without a second thought.

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"Fuuuuuuuck.... That did not go how I wanted... She's lying to herself about the click. I know she felt it just now and in New York.... If she marries him, I'm gonna lose her forever. Justin was a fucking fluke. There's no way she'd pick two dumbasses in a row." Jackson weighs the odds as he climbs on his bike and follows behind Luna.

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Colson is walking around DownTown Cleveland with Casie, Pete, Trippie, AJ and their friend Miles. Infiltrating the streets and fucking with the youth culture. They only get to bang because they're legit hometown Assholes. Anyone else would've been dirted. Easily. With a camera presented, the tiny hard asses easily engage once they recognize Pete and The Ohio Natives. Miles and AJ catching a load of footage of a ton of different kids. BECAUSE WE'RE ALL DIFFERENT.

Dressed in pink, with a long suit jacket, Colson takes his place on the sidewalk as Miles shoots him. Using the pharmacy they rented and blocked off, they shoot the rest of the video in and around it. Using Colson, Trippie, Pete and the kids that the parent's signed off on it. AJ's loose footage being used during editing.

Colson, Pete and Trippie gather for a pic. Colson copies and Snaps it to Luna before they begin to celebrate their success. After a while, Colson annoyance takes over. He hasn't spoken to Luna all day, other than Snaps. Colson collects his stuff and Casie with frustration. She skips alongside him asking about Luna as he grips his bag. It only makes his annoyance grow.

"When's she coming home?" Casie asks as she bounces alongside her father.

"I don't know." Colson answers as his jaw clenches and everything inside of him RAGES. "C'mon Peanut. We goin' home." He keeps his calm as he grabs his daughter's hand.

------------------------------------------------

"He fed the dog fucking METH!!" Tig bellows as they pass the salad around.

"You said to get him high... So, I did!" Juice shrugs with a laugh.

"He bit my FUCKING ass!" Tig exclaims as he's about to drop his pants as evidence.

"We believe you, Baby." Gemma coaxes him as she tugs his pants up. "We gotta special dinner... Our Girl's Home!" She exclaims with pride. "Come. Eat."

Gemma's dinner table is like no other. She knows what grounds she owns, along with anything else as she smokes her brisket. There are men that run things and then there's Gemma. Don't ever be foolish to mistake the two.

"Holy FUUUUCK..." Bobby moans as he bites into his sandwich.

With everyone gathered together, it's Gemma, Luna, Jax, the rest of The Club alongside Donna and the kids. They enjoy Gemma's cooking along with their commentary. Balls are busted and throat's are jokingly cut. Stories being happily exchanged. Including the job where Luna took the solid bullet through her shoulder. Now notoriously known amongst the family as The Hit. Too many opinions and thoughts being passed on that subject, they roll on. The table continues to flow, talking of upcoming community family events as more jokes are tossed around. It's the mention of Luna's engagement that stops everyone.

"WHAT?" Gemma questions their silence. "He fucked up..." She shrugs as she sips her cocktail, her stomach having no need for food. "We gonna act like he didn't?" She challenges not only Luna and Jackson but also Piney and Opie. "He FUCKING had her... And he fucked up."

"Yeah, Ma. I did. But I was fucked up when I when I lost her... Dad had just died... You and Clay were..."

"Me and Clay were fucking WHAT?' Gemma demands from her son.

"Nothing." Jackson sighs in frustration, knowing to not cross his mother.

------------------------------------------------

Standing outside after finishing up dinner, Luna and Opie are sharing a joint. Luna can't help but be relieved of not feeling the obligation to inform anyone else personally regarding her marriage plans.

"Look, I'm getting married for real in Cleveland. I think it's the 29th but don't quote me." Luna swallows hard as she looks at the nonsense around them. "I never wanted this spectical... But I'd love for you and Donna to be there. Piney too if he can... If you can't, I'm doing it again at Colson's Annual Festival like a week later for friends... It could be fun..." Her hopefulness trailing off before sighing as she laces her fingers inside Opie's. "I just wanna be me and him." Luna thinks of Colson wistfully as she grips Opie's hand. "Can't I have just him...? I know he wants the same thing." Luna shrugs. "So what's the fucking problem?" She asks.

"Gemma." Opie states.

"That's not fair....." Luna trails.

"Nothing in this life is fair, Luna. You haven't learned that yet?" Opie counters her with the awful truth.

"Hey..." Jackson calls out as he cautiously approaches them.

"Hey." Luna and Opie answer in unison.

"I need to talk to Luna alone..." Jackson trails.

A simple look between Op and Luna gives him the sense of space. He loves Jackson. The way a man should love his bestfriend. He also loves Luna. Feeling more inclined to protect her first, he walks away with a slight hesitation as he leaves them alone.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Jackson and Luna have been outside for the last 20mins. Beginning as an apology from Jackson, they had slipped naturally into their uniquely intimate history. Leading Jackson to ask Luna again if it's Colson that she truly wants. Her answer being a firm Yes. Followed by her interpretation of their painful, heart staking truth.

"Nothing will ever compare to Us... You are who I began with. Nothing will ever be the things we were or did together.... Or that I learned with you." Heavy tears are dropping from Luna's eyes as her breath shudders. "You're my first... For A LOT of Things... If not EVERYTHING." Luna gasps at their memories. "And I will always love you... But you're not mine anymore." She whimpers lowly. "You haven't been for a long time because you made that choice. Years ago, Jax. Not me." She sniffles as she pulls Jackson's face into hers, kissing him hard on the mouth before getting into her rental and shutting the door.

Jackson knocks on her window as Luna shakes her head. Putting the car in reverse, she disappears down the driveway without saying GoodBye to anyone else. Rolling out of his sight, for who knows how long this time.

Luna having a knack for running away from boys and leaving them confused and lost in her wake. No. Is the only similar thought they share in that moment. For seperate reasons.

------------------------------------------------

Luna gets back to Cleveland around 2A. Landing back at Hopkins International, she finally checks her phone. There's a missed call and Snap from Colson.

Luna can't help the grin on her face as she catches an Uber home to Colson's. It's been a long day and all she wants is to be held by him. That's it.

------------------------------------------------

The house is still raging from Hotel Diablo's success when Luna walks in. There's a shit ton and all of them are fuck face wasted, with randos filling the house.

"Yo." Luna calls to Colson while he's sat, with his legs wide on the pool table as different girls fawn all over him. "You FUCKING done?" She asks with an attitude, more frustrated with herself than him.

"Kitten...." Colson's off the pool table and in front of Luna before she can bitch anymore. "What's good?" He drunkenly asks her as he pulls her in for a sloppy kiss.

"Don't fucking Kitten me." Luna counters with a smirk after she kisses Colson, staking her claim to any fool in sight.

"But you're my baaaaa-by...." Colson slurs as he drops kisses all over Luna's face.

"Let's go upstairs then...." She lightly giggles as she persuades him.

Standing at the bottom step Luna looks at Colson. One Look and he's done.

"I'M OUT!!" Colson shouts to the random girl's groans.

Luna looks over her shoulder as Colson grabs her hand. Heading up the stairs together, it's one of the better decision both have made in the last 24hrs.

-------------------------------------------------

To be continued....

#machine gun kelly smut #machine gun kelly #mgk imagines #mgk imagine #mgk fanfic #mgk #mgk smut #mgk fluff #colson baker imagines #colsonbaker #colson baker smut #colson baker #colson and casie #jax teller #jackson teller #soa #sons of anarchy #fangirl #fandom #fantasy #fanfic #est4life #est19xx #est #hoteldiablo #hotel diablo #tragic love #longstory #long post #long reads

[p4nkow]

D is for Dangerous - part III

Wow, part III already! I really, really love how it’s turning out and I’m so excited for you to read this —and the following — parts. Pls let me know what you think about it, I love reading your comments!

Visual evidence of the characters: One, Two, Three, Four (of course), Five, Six, Seven, Harry (I know he has brown eyes, but let’s pretend he doesn’t).  

Part I, Part II

Summary: driven by the desire of revenge, the reader tries to take down the man who ruined her life only to find out that her plan is an utter fiasco; however she meets a man that is gonna change her life and give her the chance of a lifetime

Four!Ben x Fem!Reader

hope you enjoy and let me know what you think :)

Nine days after the explosion – five days until the hit on Kuklinski

The map on the table wasn’t particularly interesting, the despite the fact that you’d been staring at it for minutes by now. You weren’t interested in its details; you were just trying to avoid Six’s gaze. It was almost impossible to look at him after the events of the previous day – which meant his rejection in particular.

Three’s work had borne fruit: the special camera he was working just a few days before was already being tested on Six. The images were being projected in a big, flat screen pinned at the main wall of the living room. “Is it too obvious?”

Two narrowed her brows at One’s question as he tried to hide the camera as best as possible in Will’s suit. “Try another spot. That one is too low.”

That’s when you looked up, focusing on Six while you tried to avoid the rest of the group. The thought of Four and Five almost convinced you to give him a quick look, but you tried to fight that instinct.

Instead of being put and watch One placing the camera on Six, Three and Seven were reviewing the plan. You could hear their chatting from you were sitting, on the comfiest sofa you’d ever seen. And especially very far away from Four, who was standing against the wall on your left. Four was right next to him and it didn’t surprise you at all.

“This suit is way too tight.” One sighed deeply at Six’s complaining and you chuckled.

“Just think it’s for a good cause”, you intervened with a little smile. Six’s brown eyes moved on you and they lit up when he smiled back at you. “You guys are gonna be the end of me.”

“Stop being so dramatic.” Two couldn’t take anymore Six’s complaints, eye-rolling in sign of annoyance.

You could feel Four’s green eyes on you at your little interaction with Six.

You just couldn’t bare the weight of looking back at him, which reminded you how embarrassed you felt after leaving the gym.

One kept trying different spots for the camera, but you stopped paying attention at the third attempt. You found yourself wondering the reason of Four’s rejection. Maybe you were right – him and Five were a couple. It’d also explain the reason of Five’s hatred towards you. Or maybe it had nothing to do with her. Maybe he simply didn’t like you back. To be honest, you didn’t know which of the two possibilities was the worst.

“Eight.” Five’s firm tone brought you back to reality. When you turned towards him, his cold eyes were already on you.

“Hm?”

“You sure you can handle going inside together with Five at the party?” Five was definitely the last person you wanted to partner with, but you had to make it work. Seven gave you a quick nod when you confirmed him your role. You could make it. Fuck Kuklinski and his stupid parties.

What you didn’t expect, though, was Four’s intervention as he said “Isn’t it too dangerous?”

You didn’t know how to interpret his words. Was he worried about you or was he only worrying about the fact that you could screw things up? You couldn’t deny that it was hard for you to put feelings aside and act rationally when it came to Kuklinski, but you weren’t going to fail them. Those people had given you a chance you weren’t going to waste.

“I can do this.” Four looked at you by hearing your firm tone and that’s when you finally looked back at him. You couldn’t help but give a quick glance at his lips, thinking about how you felt when you kissed him just the day before.

His deep, green eyes were darker than their usual colour. Maybe because of concern, maybe because of tiredness. He raised a brow and gave you a sceptical look, his shoulders rise and lower as he sighed deeply. “We already know you just switch off your rational part when it comes to Kuklinski.”

“I’m not going to screw things up.” The bitterness of your tone caught Two’s attention, who gave you a quick concerned look before going back into helping one. Three, Five and Seven looked at your little conversation without intervening just like a bunch of teenagers would look at children getting into a fight.

“You actually did, and that day at his party proved that. You didn’t even notice the rest of his guards.”

“I wasn’t going to do anything stupid”, you defended yourself. But he was right – your plan that night was full of inaccuracies.

“Yeah, because I didn’t let you. You were going to get yourself killed”, Four said by articulating his words. He wanted you to get his message.

“And what if I did?”

His jaw clenched and he exhaled deeply, his green eyes still fixed into yours. You wanted so badly to read the expression in them, but you couldn’t. You didn’t care if you ended up dead – you only cared for the plan to work. “I’m ready. I won’t screw it up.”

“You better not to.” It was the first time Five intervened. If stares could kill, you’d be dead already. “One wrong move, cariño. Just make one wrong move and—”

“And what?”

“That’s enough”, One spat.

You exhaled deeply and after holding her stare for some seconds more, you looked away. You had no idea what was her problem with you – you’d done nothing to her – but whatever her reason was, you knew she wasn’t kidding when she was about to say she was going to kill you herself if you screwed things up.

You’d had enough. You were sick and tired of being treated as the weakest link in the chain, as if you were a burden to carry. So you just got up and left the room, leaving them all behind. Before turning the corner, you felt like Four was calling your name.

-

The cold breeze blowing in the rooftop was helping you clean your thoughts. As you enjoyed the wind through your hair, the little spat with Five seemed just a distant memory. The lights of a LA were as bright as the stars of the Milky Way. The sight of the city under you was probably what pushed you to do what you’d promised not to do.

You took one of the laptops with ghost chips kindly provided by One and you sat down. Before thinking twice about it, you opened a search page. It was a terrible idea, but there was no turning back. You searched your own death.

The news page was filled with different articles — you were pretty sure they all said the same things, until you found one in particular. It wasn’t about your death, it was about your funerals. You quickly opened it and the pictures left you almost breathless.

Your sister Emily looked destroyed, completely devastated. Her face said it all. It was the same expression she had after your parents’ death — vacant, detached from the world. Your heart ached at the sight of her sorrow. What did you do? Did you do the right thing? Your nephews’ faces had been obscured and it was for the better. You weren’t sure you could bare their saddened eyes. The pictures portrayed them entering the Church, following your hypothetical casket. An empty casket. A lie.

You didn’t feel the tears watering your eyes but once they started falling on the computer keyboard, you just couldn’t hold yourself. Maybe because of the pressure of the last few days, maybe because you were starting question your decision, you found yourself sobbing between your hands, letting go all the distress in your body.

You had no idea for how long you’d been there, sitting all by yourself, but at some point Four joined you. He took the laptop from you, giving a quick look at the article before closing it and putting it away. It was inevitable for him not to notice your teary eyes and even if he’d noticed them, he didn’t say anything about it. He was just sitting there, right next to you, as if he shared your sorrow.

When you turned towards him, he was staring at the city lights in front of you. He seemed almost ethereal, with the shadows of neon lights lighting up his side profile. Some strands of his wavy, blonde hair had fallen on his forehead, partly covering his green eyes.

He must’ve noticed you were basically staring at him and he turned towards you. As soon as his eyes met yours, a corner of his lips lifted in a sad smile. He pursed his lips and looked down at your hand. Not long after, he placed his own on yours, almost as if he wanted to give you strength with that simple gesture.

“Do you regret it?” His voice was so low that his words seemed nothing but a whisper.

It took you some time to find the right answer to his question. “No, I don’t.”

And you weren’t lying. After all, you didn’t regret anything.

“I did at first”, he confessed.

You raised your brows in surprise, having a little sniffle before saying “Really?”

By hearing your surprised tone, he looked up at you. His warm hand was still on yours as his quickly glanced at you. “Yeah. I still do, in some respects. But I guess my motivations to do it were longer valid than the ones for not doing it.”

You slowly nodded at his words, moving your gaze from him to the city. “Even though I miss my family, I know that I did the right thing.”

“You’re lucky, y’know?” You narrowed your brows and by noticing your questioning look he added “You’ve got a family that loves you.”

His low and sad tone got you thinking of his past. The image of a young, extremely blond Six came to your mind and it made you smile. “You don’t?”, you dared to ask.

It was such an intimate moment, definitely the best of the last few days. You needed a bit of tranquillity and intimacy and that was exactly what Four was giving you. He turned again towards you and he gently squeezed your hand before saying “Not really, no.”

“I’m sorry.”

The sadness of the smile he gave you made your heart ache a little. “Don’t apologise, it’s not your fault.” You felt tears watering your eyes again at his words, but this time you tried to hold them back. It was you who squeezed his hand this time, giving him all the support he needed. Despite everything, Four saved you. You were a lost soul, wandering alone towards your end, but he’d given you a purpose. Something to believe in. And you’d be forever grateful to him.

“You’ll have your revenge”, you whispered.

Four turned towards you. His staring was so intense that it almost made you look away. Thank God it was dark, or he’d have seen you blush. The memory of his rejection resurfaced in that moment and you cleared your throat, trying to look unbothered. “Yeah. Sooner than expected”, he confirmed.

“What do you mean?”

He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed deeply. “You’re not the only one who hates Kuklinski.”

What did it mean? You narrowed your brows at his words, but even before you could think about it, he got up. Six looked down at you and your hand seemed incredibly cold without his covering it. “Four—”

“Go take some rest. You’ll need it.” He seemed like he couldn’t wait to run away.

You were being rejected, again. As he walked away, leaving you alone in the rooftop, you found yourself wondering what the hell was going on with him.

Twelve days after the explosion – two days until the hit on Kuklinski

The dress Two had loaned you was so bloody tight, you could barely breathe. You called her on it and she limited herself to give you a deadly look. “We need it to be tight.” You highly disagreed on that, but you didn't dare to reply. As you gave yourself a quick look in the mirror, the reflection seemed nothing but yourself. Your hair had been curled in order to hide the earpiece One had given you to keep in touch. Two had done a great job with your makeup but you didn't feel like yourself anymore.

“You look great”, she tried to reassure you and you faked a smile to thank her.

Today was the day — Kuklinski party'd have started in an hour and you and Four were going to attend it. Not that you'd been invited, though. One had asked you to fake the invitations and given your past experiences, you’d agreed to do it.

The two of you turned towards the door by hearing a knock on it. Four came in right after and you were pretty sure you were going to remember forever the expression on his face as soon as he saw you. Surprise flickered over his face as he stared at the fresh version of you. You could feel his gaze running through your body and God knows what was on his mind.

In that moment Two gave you two a quick look before leaving the room without saying a word. It was just you and Four now. His staring made you blush and you looked away, clearing your throat at the awkwardness of the moment. “What?”, you dared to ask.

He recovered in record time. “Nothing. I — I uhm.. brought you this. I just thought it might be more comfortable to hide instead of a gun.”

He was holding a knife. Giving a better look at it, you were pretty sure it was the knife he’d taken from you the first time you met. “That’s mine!”

“It was yours”, he immediately replied with a grin.

“Oh, shut up.”

You gave him a quick look before trying to embed it to your garter. You could feel Four’s green eyes on you, silently following your movements. “Will you be careful?”

You smiled at his worried tone, looking up at him. “I always am.”

“Seriously, though. Those people are dangerous, Eight.” You took a deep breath as you took a step towards him. Even though you were wearing high heels, he was still a few inches taller than you.

“I know. I swear I’ll be careful.”

His green eyes were now filled with worry — you could read him like a book. He slowly nodded and the two of you stood quiet for a while. He raised a hand and he gently grazed your cheek, making you close your eyes. His touch was so soft that it almost gave you goosebumps.

Until he inhaled deeply and took a step back, making you almost groan in frustration.

And that was almost two hours ago. Now you were already at the party and for the first time since you’ve met her, Five wasn’t throwing deadly looks at you. That’s probably because of the seriousness of the situation. Soft music was playing in the background as you and her, shoulder to shoulder, were chatting with a group of business man. Kuklinski’s shareholders, to be exact. The fakest smile was lighting up your face as you nodded every now and then, a sign that you were following the conversation.

You two were undercover, trying to find an excuse to have a free access at the building the day of the hit. As she was chatting with a middle-aged man, you tried to take note of the little details around you. Where Kuklinski was. Who he was chatting with. What he seemed to be interested to.

“Eight, try to get one of them alone. Create some intimacy.” One’s voice came to you crystal clear from the earpiece you were hiding with your wavy hair.

You looked quickly at each and everyone of them and as you tried to hide your disgust you suddenly said “I think I’m gonna need one more drink. If you’ll excuse me—”

“Actually”, one of them said as you were about to walk away. It was one of the youngest men in the group — he could’ve been your age. “I’d love to have another drink, too. May I join you?”

That’s what you were hoping for. You smiled in satisfaction and after exchanging a quick look with Five, you nodded. “Sure, I’d like that.”

“That’s Harry Langbourn. I know him and he definitely works for Kuklinski”, Four told you through the mic. It was the first time he talked to you and you tried not to visibly react at his voice. You wondered why did he know so many things regarding your target.

“Are you enjoying the night?” Harry’s voice brought you back from your thoughts.

You faked a smile and pursed your lips as you sat on the barstool next to him, trying to pull down your dress to hide your bare thighs. Thank God it was long enough to hide the knife embed in your garter, just as you used to do.

Four’s face came to your mind at the thought of the knife — he’d given you an amused smile while watching you hiding it, probably remembering the first time you met.

“Yes, it’s really nice”, you replied in a polite way. The reason was, you had no idea how to act. Thank God, Two came to your aid, suggesting through the earpiece “Ask him personal stuff.“

“So”, you started saying as you watched him order two more drinks to the barman. “Do your personally know Mr. Kuklinski?” Had it been too obvious? If so, Harry didn’t seem to be bothered about it.

“Actually, yes. I work for him directly, we could say.” His green eyes seemed lighter when he smiled. They seemed familiar but even though he was a handsome man, you felt nothing but disgust at the thought of him working for Kuklinski. “Do you?”

“Lie”, One said. You don’t say, huh?

“Oh, no. I wish I did. We’re just business partners.” You were a better liar than you actually thought.

Harry raised his brows in a surprised expression. “Oh really? What kind of affairs?”

You cleared your voice as you tried to come up with a convincing lie. Thankfully you’d been interrupted by the barman, who extended you your drinks. You thanked him in a whisper before taking a sip of it, looking again at Harry and his brown hair. “The one you don’t wanna know about.” You added a little smile at your words, hoping you hadn’t screw it up. You heard One inhaling deeply and you started to feel nervous.

But to everyone’s surprise, Harry burst out into laughter. “That son of a bitch”, you heard Six murmur to the microphone.

“And do you have some business for me, too?”

You gave a look at he people around you, making sure no one was paying attention to you as you leaned towards him. Every second that passed you felt more and more confident — Harry was completely under your spell. “It depends”, you whispered, his face now close to yours.

“What the Hell are you doing?”, you heard Four whisper, followed by a bitter “Four shut up!” from Two.

“Depends from what?”, Harry asked. All you wanted to do was to stab him right there, but you had to stick to the plan. One had trusted you by letting you go instead of Two, and you had no intention of failing him.

You took another sip of your drinking, holding his gaze in the meanwhile. “Of what you’re interested in.”

Harry pursed his lips, looking down at his drink as he seemed to think at your words. “Let’s just say”, he replied right after “That I really love wintertime. Snow and everything, y’know.”

Snow. It meant drugs, and One confirmed it to you a few seconds later. You also heard someone cursing in the background but you didn’t understand who it was. Harry was taking for granted that all the guests of the party were criminals. What a fool.

You widened your fake smile as he looked up at you, slowly nodding at his words. “Why don’t we discuss about it in a proper way?”, you proposed.

Harry seemed to be caught off guard by your proposal. “Do you suggest a meeting?”

“Why not?”

He sighed deeply and narrowed his eyes, a tiny smile still impressed on his face. “A meeting it is, then.” He unlocked his phone and with the corner of your eyes you noticed he was checking his schedule. “What about Wednesday?”

“Uhm— I’m leaving on Tuesday for an international meeting.” You deserved an Oscar for your performance.

Harry nodded at your words and looked down at his phone once again. “What about Monday, then?”

Two days from now, exactly how you were planning. “Monday’s just perfect. My partner and I will be there.”

Thirteen days after the explosion – one days until the hit on Kuklinski

“This is all so fucking dangerous”, One sighed, placing his elbows on the counter as he covered his face with both hands. What a wonderful way to start the day. After weeks of planning, months of craving revenge, tomorrow you were finally going to take down the man that killed your parents.

The general mood wasn’t one of the best and for obvious reasons — you weren’t sure whether you plan would’ve worked. You guys had been working on it in great detail for weeks by now, but there’s always a flaw in the system. But what do you have to lose when you’re already pronounced dead?

“It’s gonna work.” Four seemed sure of his words. His voice, crystal clear, had been firm. No hesitations at all. He extended you one of the two mugs he was holding and he met your gaze just for a few seconds before focusing back on One. The sweet taste of cappuccino distracted you from their words.

Four’s thigh touched yours every now and then as he moved on the couch, sitting right next to you. You, on the other hand, were frozen still by nervousness. You had no second thoughts about what you were going to do, but let’s just say you weren’t exactly Beatrix Kiddo from Kill Bill.

Two nodded at his words but you focused on him. His back was tense, his muscles visibile from the grey shirt he was wearing. His blonde hair was shaved on the sides but with orderly blonde waves on the top. You found yourself wondering how it’d feel to sink your fingers on it.

For fuck’s sake, Eight. Focus.

“Eight?”

“Mh?” One was looking at you with worry.

“You sure you’re gonna make it?”

Seven pairs of eyes were now looking at you, so you boldly raised your chin and faked a tight smile. “I got it.”

And when everyone went back to their conversations, Four’s eyes were still on you. You could feel his gaze going down to your chest where your arms were crossed and even further, before going back to your eyes. “This is gonna be a breeze.”

“We’re gonna take down that motherfucker.”

He lifted a corner of his lips in an amused smile. “Yeah, we are.”

“You nervous?”

“Are you?” You saw a sparkle in his eyes as he turned your words on you.

A nod it’s all you gave him. His green eyes stayed on you for a few more seconds before moving his gaze to One, who was doing a recap of the final plan.

-

It was evening — the sun was up in LA and everything seemed to proceed just as planned. The strike was only a few hours away and you were trying to work off that nervous energy by working out. You were taking it easy — you had to serve your strength for the strike — but being busy helped you not to overthink. The less you thought, the less angry you were. And anger wasn’t a good thing in a situation that had to be handled in a rational way.

One-one, two. One-one, two. One-one, two. Focus on your target. Fists up.

“You got tired to hear One’s voice?” You turned towards the door by hearing his voice. You were breathless and flushed, your hands aching because of the impact with the punching bag.

Four was leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed on his chest as a corner of his lips was raised in a little smile. “I’m sick of revisiting the plan over and over again.”

“He’s just nervous.”

“We all are.”

“So you admit it.” You placed a hand on the punching bag as Four slowly approached you. A thing you’d never admit was the fact that you were attracted to him.

“Never said otherwise”, You replied by raising your brow. His smile grew even wider.

“C’mere”, He said with a nod, silently inviting you to practice with him.

You cracked your neck after moving right in front of him. His eyes were inviting you to challenge him but his body language said something totally different. The way his body was always leaning towards you and how he closely followed your movements didn’t go unnoticed.

Without any warning you took a small step towards him, trying to hit him with a punch on his shoulder. He’d barely the time to step aside to avoid it, giving you a surprised look. “So you got claws, kitten.”

“Don’t challenge me, Four.” You blocked one of his fists and so did he. His skin was so warm against yours and he looked way more unbothered than he actually was. “Why are you so mad at him?”

“Who?”

Fist, fist, get down.

He knew exactly who you were talking about. “Kuklinski.”

“He has to pay for his actions.” What a lie.

Four blocked your fist — again — but instead of letting you go he blocked your arm against your chest and pushed your back against him. You could feel his toned muscles against your back as his hot breath grazed your ear. You tried to resist but he was holding you close against his body. “I don’t believe you”, you whispered, almost breathless.

“Joke’s on you.” When he realised you weren’t going to resist anymore, he loosened his grip on you. That’s what allowed you to turn towards him, face to face. You had to lift your chin to meet his green eyes, overwhelming and secure at the same time. From where you were standing you could feel his hot breath right on your lips.

“You see, everyone sort of told his own story. Two was a spy, Three was a hitman, Five was a doctor, Seven was a soldier.” Your voice was now just a whisper. “But you’ve kept all your secrets to yourself.”

“Isn’t it the point of all this thing? The code names? Not looking back, only forward.” He had no intention of giving up.

“That’s your excuse.”

You were testing him, more than sure than he was hiding something. But what?

And eventually, he fell apart. You could notice the change in his eyes. He took a step back from you and sighed deeply and he tried to summon up the courage to speak. “You really wanna know why I want revenge on Kuklinski?”

You didn’t trust your own voice so you just nodded a ‘yes’ as answer. Four seemed anxious, and you didn’t even know why. “Let me ask you something first.”

“Okay.” You were starting to get worried at his tone.

He run his fingers through his hair and took again a deep breath. “How did you feel about Harry?”

You narrowed your brows. “Harry Longbourn?”

“Yeah.”

What the hell was going on? “I... I don’t know. He’s with the enemy”, you simply said, trying to get where he was going to with his speech.

He stood quiet for a couple of seconds, in which he never looked away from you. His eyes were troubled, as if he was carrying a burden too heavy for him. “What about him?”

“He’s my brother.”

You couldn’t believe his words. It was like all the air was gettin’ sucked from your lungs and your legs felt like jelly. “He’s what?”

Four pursed his lips and slowly nodded. You noticed his Adam’s apple rise and lower as he waited for you to say something. Anything. But you didn’t. And what he said right after did nothing but confirm your horrible thoughts. “I used to work for him, Eight. I used to work for Kuklinski.”

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[dxmedstudent]

Things I miss under lockdown:

Work just...not having this constant layer of 'could this be coronavirus'. Yes, it could be. But sonetimes non-coronavirus exists too.

Not having to worry about social distancing at work. It bothers me less in shops or restaurants, but NHS hospitals and the way we work were really not set up for it.

Having most 'bad news conversations' face to face. Somehow it feels better when you can hold someone's hand or offer them a tissue.

The geberal hubbub of the hospital. I used to love this peaceful night shift kind of feel. But it's so different to what a hospital is usually like.

I miss our regular services. I miss being able to tell patients how long til they can have an outpatient investigation or appointment. I miss the system working at its full capacity.

I miss the certainty of our posts. Now every job means you might get re-routed onto a covid ward or your leave might be cancelled, or your rota mainly be changed. I'm applying for jobs next year but I am really not sure what they will be like. As nobody knows what we will be facing after August.

I miss not worrying about who will catch coronavirus and if I'll lose friends or colleagues. Not worrying how it'll affect my parents if they get it. Not worrying about how my home country and relatives will fare. Trying not to think of which patients it might affect.

Outside of work, I miss...

That feeling when you get a day off and you can just go and do something. Anything. Explore your town. Grab a coffee. Sure, your loved ones are busy, but there's so much you can do. Just that feeling of promise and discovery... is gone when there's barely anything you can do apart from sit in the garden alone.

Feeling like you choose alone time. Don't get me wrong, I love some alone time. But it feels sweeter when you choose it, rather than when all your time becomes alone time because you're banned from human interaction.

The weather has been so good, but what you could do with it was so limited.

The cats. I worry sometimes that they'll forget who I am because they haven't seen me in months. They are happy and safe and have lots of love with my parents. But I feel sad that they can't understand why I just never came back.

Hugs. Just being able to be near people you care about. Just being able to make each other feel better.

Being able to see my friends. Sure, we mesaage but catchups are much more lively and intimate face to face. Even though restrictions are relaxed, we live a little too far apart for meeting up to be practical just yet, but maybe its something to look forward to.

The friends who are stranded abroad who were hoping to come visit. I don't know when I will see them again. I hope they stay safe.

All the fun events that were planned for this year. Weddings. Celebrations. Housewarming parties. Just casual meetups. We all had so many hopes for the year. So many things to celebrate. Now people aren't sure when they will be able to get everyone together.

Lots of my friends haven't even met my BF nor have I met some of my friends new partners. Doing that over zoom would feel awkward somehow. I miss all the little get togethers we would have had.

Living with someone I care about. I've lived with friends, but for the past few years my flatmates have not made that jump into friendship, and you really feel that under lockdown. They've been perfectly nice and great for chats, but it's not the same.

I spent most of lockdown with s barely functional kitchen and using soneone else's washing machine cos my kitchen was being redone. That was fun! Not.

I realised that being able to regularly visit family, see my BF and friends is a big part of what made living apart sustainable for me. It's not a huge distance - easy enough to visit every weekend or on days off, when you're not under lockdown. But it feels like a distance right now. It's made me evaluate how far apart I'm happy to live in the future. Which is funny cos half the time when I'm there I'm not even doing anything other than chilling watching TV or playing games.

A lot of my stuff is at my parents'. Now they are allowed to drop things off in a socially distanced manner that's less of a problem, but it still means that I won't have access to a lot of my stuff for a long time. I tend to live in small flats where I don't get a lot of space to put things, so realistically I can't keep much stuff with me. I'm used to being able to choose what to bring and leave whenever I visit, but this has made me even more desperately want my own place. Space is important; and those with space have a privilege they don't realise.

I miss my family. We talk regularly, but not being able to visit is weird. It's easier to bear because I know it's for their protection, but it's still so weird. My mum joked that the next time I'd be able to come home I'd be married with kids. That's depressingly not entirely implausible given the state of things. I don't know when it will be safe for me as a healthcare worker, to be with them.

I miss my Guy. Even though we talk every day and even though we often have fun virtual activities together alone or with his friends. I miss being able to cuddle up together, and feeling safe in someone's arms. I miss the parts of human intimacy that can't carry over an internet connection. I miss being able to see someone, and know they are OK and they are right there in front of you.

It makes it harder when you have no idea when the rules might be relaxed to allow partners to see each other. Right now it's being treated exactly the same as my right to stand less than 2m away from a stranger in a shop. I.e. completely unimportant and probably the last restriction that will be eased. Why should they care? It doesn't make them money.

I miss going out. Museums. Coffee shops. Game cafes. Cinemas. Restaurants. Pubs. Just so many fun things that used to be an option but now aren't.

The worst part of a pandemic apart from all the death and economic calamity is facing it all alone, without being able to have so much as a hug. We're not alone, but we're also banned from all the kinds of contact we've built our society and human behaviour around.

I miss not worrying if people will be ok. If they will get sick. If they will be ok financially. So many people are going to go through a really tough time even after infections ease off. And you can't even be there physically for people.