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furiousgoldfish · 1 year

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Hey, hope you're having a good day today (or at least not a bad one). I'm really confused about my situation, and I'm hoping that perhaps you may be able to help me figure things out about it

My memories of my early childhood are extremely fragmented at best and non-existent at worst, large voids of experiences that should be there, but aren't. Of the few fragments I do have, I get the sense that something must've been going on -- I space out when someone counts to three, the thought of someone grabbing my wrist activates my fight-or-flight response, and any sort of skin-hitting-skin sound makes me flinch. But at the same time, of the earliest whole memories I *do* have, from perhaps around the age of 13, I...wasn't being abused by my parents or anything? Like, I would get shouted at a hell of a lot, and I would get into trouble for shit that my brothers did and got away with, hell sometimes I would even end up getting blamed for what they did, especially my older brother.

And speaking of him, he's always been a self-centered piece of shit, always taking my things from me because he likes them and wants them for himself, or breaking things of mine because he didn't like them -- one time he tore off the face of a doll I'd made based on a character I made up -- and then yelling back at me when I got mad at him, or copying and/or deleting my save datas on games he wanted to complete himself first if I was too far ahead, not to mention the times he would repeatedly bash his leg against mine to the point of leaving bruises if mine happened to knock against his in the car, or how he'd yell at me to stop singing only to start singing himself, or how he'd always claim to like whatever songs he knew I hated and hate songs he knew I liked. And he would always get the more expensive birthday/christmas presents, and there were always loopholes in the rules and restrictions for him. Maybe I'm just being jealous, but it really feels like they're playing favorites here, and I'm the bottom of the barrel.

But in the last couple of years (since like...2020, I was 16 turning 17), things have...changed. I've been keeping myself isolated in my room 24/7, I'm basically nocturnal just to avoid everyone, and...I'm not even sure if I'm doing the right thing. My parents are both acting really nice, especially my mother (which is funny cuz she's always been the one I've been most scared of) -- hell, my mother even got me a Nintendo Switch recently, and she'll always buy whatever snacks and things I ask for, and we're going out together soon in a few days to go get cake together. And my brother, while he's only gotten worse in things he hates about me (now he'll get mad if I clear my throat "wrong"), seems to be...afraid? Of me now, and avoidant of being in the same room as me if he can, while before he would almost seem to seek me out and try to antagonize me.

Whilst certainly a refreshing change of pace in some aspects, it's also throwing my own memories into question. Anything before 2020 feels...fake, almost, at times, and any potential abuse from before 13 may not have even happened, for all I know I could just be inventing this all to try and fill the hours of isolation and justify my own fear and mistrust. And yet I *know* there had to have been something, because a 13-year-old doesn't start feeling like an outsider in their own family, and questioning if they were adopted, or if maybe they're secretly some alien from outerspace or monster from some deep dark cave somewhere for no reason, right? But then again I was always told that I'm overemotional, that my depression was always present from that age (despite me not even feeling depressed at all until I was 14?), that it was hormones, or school, which I mean it could be? How would I know, I don't even remember anything? And yet those just feel like excuses to direct me away from the true problem?

...I don't know, I don't know what to think, I keep flipping back and forth between the two. What's your opinion, reading this? I can give more information if it's wanted

Yeah I can see why your experience is so confusing to you, not only your memories are a mess and constantly being second-guessed, but your reality shifts for no apparent reason and you feel pressured to accept every new situation as if the last one didn't even happen.

Based on everything you're saying, I'm certain you're abused. The fragments of memories that you have all are memories one would have dissociated from due to abuse (in your case, you're even describing physical violence), and people don't make things like this up, it's upsetting, scary and painful. Nobody wants to believe they've been thru such things, and you seem to be suffering from the symptoms of it. Memories of fight-or-flight response being triggered, being shouted at, someone hitting you, this wouldn't have been happening if you weren't thru something really awful. And you'd have your memories whole, not fragmented.

Your sibling definitely abused you, and from how you describe it, it reminds me a lot on the narcissistic split between the children - narcissistic parents will often pick one child who will be 'the golden child' and will be heavily favoured, praised, will be able to get away with everything, and will be able to abuse and exploit the other siblings without any repercussions. The other child will be 'the scapegoat', and this child will always be blamed for everything, shouted at, humiliated, abused, forced to do work/chores, even used as a servant and a punching bag to rest of the family. The golden child can always abuse the scapegoat and get away with it.

So it's not just 'playing favourites', it's parents treating one child as a part of the family, and another one as a burden, waste, outsider. Golden child will usually have traits closer to the parents (it can be cruelty, sadism, entitlement, selfishness, self-importanct, or just some trait that parents can get celebrated for, like talents for acting, singing, music, sports appearance), and the scapegoat will usually be perceived as 'too different' or 'not useful' or can be discriminated even for a disorder, disability or sickness (though I've seen parents pick the sick child for the golden child too, because they can get a lot of sympathy points for being the poor parents who have to struggle with a sick child).

I could be wrong about this, only you will know if this rings true to you or not, if this isn't your situation, you still are being put thru something truly uncommon and weird that is hard to understand. There are several reasons why abusive parents will suddenly snap and change their behaviour from atrocious to 'less atrocious' or even 'nice':

You are closer to becoming an adult and they know you will realize that you have been abused, and there might be consequences for them once you realize it, so the treatment of you quickly changes so you'd have nothing visible to complain about, and so that you look insane if you do complain

Your parents are getting monitored by someone and are in danger of their abuse being outed. It can be a social service, but it also can be a neighbour or someone perceptive who is paying close watch to what happens to kids. Parents will be willing to act nice and to buy gifts and to treat their kids way nicer if they know they're being watched for abuse

You are getting opportunities to get away from home, which could result in you both realizing the past abuse, and telling someone about it, without them being able to stop you. They need to persuade you with nicer treatment to stay home, to not go anywhere, to not tell anyone anything, so they need you to feel insane if you try to remember the past or the abuse

They might want something from you that they can't get via abuse, they'll need your consent to something, and they need to convince you that they're good parents and love you, so you would not object to it. This can be anything from organ donation to marriage to some cult thing

it could be something completely else that I haven't even thought of, but the common theme is that your parents, right now, feel very invested in you NOT being able to figure out that you're abused, possibly because of the risk that they'll be reported, or that they'll lose you as a victim.

None of this means that your memories are not real, or that what you survived was fake or something to discard or forget! Had your parents and sibling really changed, they would actually reflect on their past behaviour, talk to you about it, apologize, try to make amends, they would not simply expect you to 'accept this new situation and never mention the past'. Only on abusive situations are you required to accept whatever you get, and never allowed to bring up anything that was done to slight you in the past.

I know this might be really hard, but trust your memories above everything. You didn't get in this situation, writing to a blog about abuse, struggling with fragmented memory, confronted with a strange and sudden change in behaviour, because nothing happened. Something did happen. The reason for change might be something neither you or I don't know about, some threat to the parents that is currently invisible or hidden from you. But you don't have to accept the current situation or ignore the past.

If you feel it's safe, you could try asking about why they've changed, and if they explode, refuse to elaborate, punish you for even mentioning it, or act like there was no change at all and you're insane - then you have your proof, they're gaslighting you about your past. To pretend nothing happened when it did, is to try to make you second-guess your own memory, and it's generally a method that makes a person go insane trying to figure out what's the truth.

Also, I forgot to respond to this earlier, but going nocturnal is something really common with children who are being abused. Night time often seems like the only time it's safe to be awake because abusers are asleep and you're allowed a moment of peace and comfort. Night is the safest time to exist for the abused. So that's another red flag you have that shows signs of abuse on you. Non-abused individuals feel safe and peaceful during the day as well.

#suspected narcissistic abuse #abusive siblings #golden child #the scapegoat #sibling abuse #recognizing abuse #gaslighting #changing behaviour of abusers #furiousgoldfish

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bookshelfdreams · 2 months

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Saw a Take earlier today like "Ed stans have only 1 argument and it's accusing everyone who likes Izzy of being problematic" or something to that effect

and it made me think "Nah babe, you're not problematic. You're just wrong."

And then I thought. Huh. Why do I think that?

It's a perfectly respectable thing to read a text in a way it wasn't intended to be read. In fact, "reading against the grain", doing critical readings, shifting perspectives when engaging with a text - all of thee are important skills! You can, and should, do feminist, antiracist, postcolonial, queer, etc readings of texts that were never intended to be read that way. Hell, all fandom (often) is, is doing queer readings! Ask the text uncomfortable questions it doesn't want to answer!

However. It's pretty difficult to do a queer reading when the text already is a queer narrative. The questions you would ask the text if you did a queer reading, or a reading focused on gender roles, or similar things - those are questions the text is already actively exploring.

If you want to do a subversive reading of a text that is already quite subversive - what do you end up with?

"What's the story like from Izzy's perspective?" is a question ofmd deliberately doesn't focus too much on because Izzy's perspective is the default and ofmd wants to challenge that. There's a reason the angry white man is the antagonist in this show, and if you ask "Okay, but could he be right though?" you're missing the point.

Or rather, you're turning everything that's interesting about ofmd back around. You're asking "Okay, but why don't we focus on a white perspective that strictly adheres to oppressive power structures?" of a narrative who already asked itself this question and gave the answer "Because that's been done enough and there are other stories worth telling."

And I think people are aware of that, which is how we end up with completely bizarre takes like "Izzy has the only queer character arc". He hasn't, but he has the only arc that a queer reading can be done on - for everyone else it's text, plain and simple. Refusing to engage with that text in favour of centering Izzy is basically doing a heteronormative reading without being willing to admit it to yourself.

And no, interpreting Izzy as a queer man doesn't change that.

#its not about your headcanon its about the questions you ask the text!!!#'do the people who abuse and bully stede have a point?'#no says the text. NEVER. theres nothing wrong with being a gnc weirdo.#if you want to answer yes - okay why? why do you think the text is wrong in answering no?#'is ed changing how he acts and presents himself behaviour that needs to be corrected?'#no says the text. a lot what we are taught about being a man is wrong.#again. if your answer is yes. ask yourself why.#and so on. like im not saying youre committing a thought crime just. be honest about what your interpretation is actually asking yk #our flag means death #izzy hands #thoughts #the izcourse

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zellk · 3 months

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Funny romance charts - Dangerous Babygirls edition (empty chart)

#i know i did spriggan and mitas but really i mostly wanted to do these two #but it always takes longer to complete for these two because i have to THINK so much more fkmdjhsmgkjh #helps me develop them properly tho >:) so it's good #lana #rena #lanare #renaiel #paracosm #symphonia #oc #ocs #zellk oc #zellk ocs #i am laughing SO fucking much at how fucking toxic Lana has the potential to be #like it's also hard for me to fill these (esp for her) because she changes SO MUCH as she grows through the years of her story #(and gets to a point where she can have a “healthy” relationship with Rena)#(healthy between quotes because they are both unhinged but together and for each other so it causes slightly less trouble to everybody)#(they do sorta balance each other out fr fr)#(but they also cause unhinged behaviours in each other and i love it kfdmjshgmkjdhgmkjh)#anyways when they were younger Lana was an abusive gaslighting bitch - glad she got reality checked a few times and grew out of it #someone told her “be better” and she took that personally

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uncanny-tranny · 11 months

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I hate the idea that because people can change, that means that survivors of abuse must lower their guard or forgive the person/people as though their old self has died and thus is incapable of bringing others pain, or that somebody is foolish for being traumatized by abuse because "people can change!".

Yes, statistically-speaking, anybody can change. Yes, maybe even an abuser can change. More often, that's not reality. Oftentimes, their abuse might be rewarded in some way, further solidifying that behaviour and the thoughts that led up to them deciding that they had the right to treat another that way.

Maybe you're a survivor, and your abuser seems to have changed. You might feel guilty that you're "holding on too long" to a person who isn't there. That doesn't mean that you have to let your guard down around them or permit them to be in your life.

#recovery #abuse #abuse tw #and not going to lie i have been told one of my abusers has 'changed' but i do not buy it...#...and i don't think it's bad for me to recognize that and to affirm that i can not be around them under *any* circumstances #at a certain point i do think it's reasonable to observe that somebody is most likely never going to change...#...and that isn't being 'overly negative.' that's called self-preservation #i felt like an asshole when i observed that 1.) my abuser had no remorse 2.) goes BACK to the behaviours that were abusive...#...because it felt like i was being overly negative and didn't believe that 'people change!!'...#...but looking back i think i just wanted to avoid putting the responsibility on my abuser for the abuse they put me through...#...and i was defending them in my head and twisting it to be my fault once again...#...and that's not fair to me. like. again i was a child. like... what responsibilities did i have in that relationship beyond that?#yes people will change. but that doesn't happen without WORK #that doesn't happen magically

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mariemariemaria · 5 months

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Does anybody else feel like mental health awareness has done very little to help them in material reality

#i was gonna say done nothing to help but that seemed too harsh #like there definitely is more knowledge about it now. maybe more people feel comfortable speaking about it which is good #but personally i don't feel that. like idk. workplaces will post about mental health awareness and then do nothing to help employees #the same w universities. my uni cut back the already meager mental health support #and then the government is doing absolutely fuck all as well #like idk im just back in a place i thought id gotten out of long ago and i still don't feel comfortable talking about it with people #maybe that's a me problem or maybe it's cultural or something idk. but in the 10 years ive been depressed (🫠) i don't think it's gotten a #whole lot better. teenagers are still dealing with the same shit i did and they're still not being taken seriously #women's mental health is not even spoken about.....anxiety depression sh eds etc are still ignored or seen as hysterical behaviour in women #or just normal esp with disordered eating. society hasn't changed people still want women to be stick thin and weak #like i know 10 years is a short time and there has been massive improvements in mh awareness if we look back over the past 50+ years #but idk i just think that it hasn't gotten better for a lot of people #i think specifically of belfast and like god. the amount of trauma there is the amount of homelessness the amount of substance abuse #drug abuse in particular that has gotten visibly worse over the past decade or so*#and i connect the dots n see the 2008 recession + a tory gov defunding the nhs + dehumanisation of homeless people & addicts + the troubles #+ ptsd + generational trauma + a negative peace + classism + paramilitary drug dealers + parties linked to those paramilitaries #and its like hmmmm i think we live in a society. and a mental health approach based on individual actions like journaling and meditation #isn't the way to go. or at least is not the be all and end all which is what a lot of mental health awareness raising seems to promote #*visibly worse on the streets. it was always a problem ofc but even a decade ago my parents never imagined it would be as bad as it is now #and it's become so normalised. i do think there's less individualism here than there seems to be elsewhere which can be good and can be bad #but i think we are becoming more and more individualistic. slowly. there's still a sense of community here but i do think it's changing #and callousness towards homeless people is one of the most obvious examples of this.#love when i put a wee asterisk in the tags of a post. like i have A Lot To Say lol

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fruit-kick · 1 month

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keep the change is genuinely so shit like the reason max improves is bc david improved. its bc david changed and put campbell to the side in order to give max the opportunity to have a better time at camp, to build a support system for him and give him the time and patience to become better. he gave him room to change. that's why they rub off on each other, because they help each other become better.

"max got better bc david rubbed off on him and david got worse bc max rubbed off on him" implying that max is somehow like?? "corrupting" david?? and this is in season 4 after parents day established that max's behaviour stems from literal abuse and neglect? because hes a kid and david is the adult with the choice to either ignore that or actually step up to help him? fucking yikes of an episode

#🍊fruit.posts🏀#camp camp #abuse mention tw #child abuse mention tw #keep the change: its actually your fault that david invited a robber to camp bc ur a traumatized kid with behavioural issues lol'#u infected him with ur evil lol #im literally so nauseous right now like actually physically im just vomiting my thoughts out rn while the ground beneath me isnt grounding

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ineffectualdemon · 1 year

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Actually let's talk a little bit about how what a relationship looks like vs what it is

When my husband and I were first married one of us used emotional abusive tactics in arguments, rode the line of being verbally abusive, and was trending towards (but wasnt quite) physically abusive

And people looking at the outside at that time would have seen that he was 4 years older than me, that I was only 21 and that I moved countries and opted out of university to marry him and probably assume he was the one being abusive

When the truth is it was 100% me.

I did not grow up in a stable loving home and I thought threatening to kill yourself or leave when in an argument was normal

I had a lot of anger management issues and I had learned growing up, by being a victim, how to use my words to hurt and wound

And I would slam doors and punch walls when I got angry in way that was progressing

And my husband of 6 months had to sit me down and tell me that what I was doing was not normal and not okay

And I had to put a lot of work into learning how not be abusive and a lot of work into controlling my anger

And it was hard. We had a safe word so when I knew I was reaching flashpoint which would lead to the verbal abuse I could instead signal I needed to calm down and walk away until I had myself under control

On paper my husband had all the power

But the truth of the matter was I was the one in the position to be abusive.

I'm not, but only because I put in the effort to learn how not to be and nearly 20 years on I'm much more stable and it's not an issue anymore

My husband has never ever been a threat to me

What a relationship looks like from the outside and on paper does not reflect lived realities and that's something to keep in mind when you're talking about the relationships of other adults

#relationships #about me #personal #its not comfortable to acknowledge i was nearly an abusive partner but i was #i had all the potential and set up to be an abusive spouse and parent #and it was really hard to change that behaviour

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soldier-poet-king · 7 months

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I literally just do not understand how full grown ass adults go thru life like this. 0 self reflection. 0 concern about the impact of their behaviours on others. Continuing said behaviours even when they're pointed out as hurtful. Like????

#the duality of fran #idk its like the every few months i realize i sort of forgive my parents #bc things could be much worse #and they didnt MEAN to be hurtful. theyre just immature and selfish #they're not deliberately being like that #like their behaviour comes from a place of hurt and insecurity #and Yet its been pointed out SOOOO many times how bad it has affected me #and theyre always so guilt trippy woe is me when it's brought up #and maybe theyre trying. but honestly folks???? I DONT SEE ANY PROGRESS #like I cant cut them off i need somewhere to live + need somewhere to fall back on #once i move out. in case yknow. financial disaster (sh we are not thinking about my fears of financial instability that they left me with)#but like. ffs. ffs yall. I AM SO ANGRY #AND HURT #and im tired of being angry and hurt about stuff that isnt ever going to CHANGE #its a wound you know is there but it vant ever heal it just. prods and prods and prods #like the tldr of u can have a severely traumatizing shitty upbringing without ur parents being actually abusive #and it just adds this extra layer of guilt and complicated feelings on top of it all #like #please. just get a fuckin divorce. oh my god. also maybe dont have four kids while barely above the poverty line.#and then harp on your kids for every single perceived flaw or financial burden they incur. just. yknow. a thought

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venusandsaturnsrings · 2 years

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(first time asking anything on tumblr im real nervous) MY BRAIN IS THINKING,, i just found ur incel fics n im in love !! the cannibalism n drugging fic got me thinking,, what abt childe lobotomizing u so u cant think of anything else but bein his lil housewife, kyaaah im so sorry if this is stupid- its like 5am idk if im thinkin straight anymore,,

EEEEEE im so honoured to be your first tumblr ask hehe... hopefully this lives up to your love for my previous fics… cannibalism and drugging my beloveds <33 i love gross and horrifying evil men!! lobotomy has been on my mind believe it or not (>﹏<) enjoy!!

contains: incel themes, lobotomy ofc, abuse, manipulation, actual angst?, he regrets it lol

compliance wasn't close to Ajax's top priority. he was never one to shy away from a good fight and blood flowed to both his heads when he got one from you; he enjoyed your defiance. so why this was the route he took was unknown to even himself.

being tied down and naked wasn't new to you. it was rather common considering the relationship between yourself and the ginger in front of you. his knots were always well done and you couldn't get out no matter how hard you tried and this night was no exception. perhaps he was a bit inebriated and perhaps you shouldn't have pushed his buttons so hard. regardless, decisions had been made and there was nothing that could take back the words that had been spilled and the feelings that had arose. Ajax had always been a little bit off in every manner of life. he could only hide parts of it well and anyone that spent any amount of time with him could tell he wasn’t quite right. his mannerisms were odd to say the least. smiles that never reached his eyes, a lack of tenderness, minimal empathy… the list went on. oftentimes you felt as though he was something beyond human cursed to live in a body that wasn’t his own. a form manifested by punishment of divine will. he was the feeling of air too thick to breathe, grass sharp to the touch, and bones of prey left to rot in forests torn through by flames. Ajax was a tsunami formed by waves of violent nature; something to be feared, not loved. but you learned to care for him nonetheless. maybe it was his crushing presence that molded you into someone or something that couldn’t live without.

the room was cold but his hands were warm. caressing you all over he attempted to soothe your nerves but it did little to relax you. he whispered words of praise and coos that seemed more demanding that loving. you needed to relax and let him take the reins. it won’t hurt that much and you’ll feel far better afterwards than you ever had before. his hands wiped down your face with more care than you expected to come. the gauze soaked in liquid smelled like alcohol and had your eyes watering. with gloves and shaking hands he pulled your lips up into a smile saying that you’d always be happy from now on. Ajax pulled out a metal rod and lined it up with the inner corner of your eye; you felt more fear than you ever had before. you expected he was to blind you. to make your last moment of sight his face.

pushing the rod through and past your eyeball, you whimpered. the slow sliding wasn’t painful but you felt the pressure. every time you blinked he advised not to but with the intrusion you couldn’t help it. the pressure built up the further the rod went in and as he began swirling and poking it back and forth. drool dropped down your chin and he momentarily ceased his movements to lean down and lick it up before planting a wet kiss to your lips. soon enough, he retracted the long piece of metal and you were finally able to fully close your eyes. Ajax planted a soft kiss to each of your eyelids.

something wasn’t quite right and you knew that but you couldn’t place it. as the suffocating pounding in your head stopped, so did the terror and worries. the shift in your expression and body language must have been noticeable based on the pleased demeanour that decorated Ajax. he untied you with gentle hands and scooped you into his arms. with promises of washing you up and laying down for bed he carried you through the house. the bath you took was warm and the bed you laid in was comfortable. you curled into his body softly and pliantly much to his enjoyment. soft kisses were placed over and over again to the crown of your head and your nose before you finally fell asleep.

the next couple weeks were spent following his orders and clinging to his body at every chance. you gave Ajax pretty smiles and hung onto his every word. at first, his chest felt full at the change in behaviour. but slowly… he found himself missing who you were before. he had smothered your spark with his own hands for fear it would turn into a flame. you were no longer yourself and he mourned for the times he had before. rarely did he cry but on many nights you’d awake to his soft sobs. with worried eyes and soft hugs you’d ask what was wrong and how to help. he wouldn’t tell you for many moons but eventually he let out a soft mumble. ‘i miss how you were before.’ you didn’t understand. how you were before? i’m not any different, you responded with confusion clear as day and pain covered his face.

“you wouldn’t know the change. i did this to you, i’m the problem.”

#cw: lobotomy #cw: abuse #angst #cw: incel behaviours #this was a nice change of pace hehe #chit chats #childe x reader #tartaglia x reader #genshin x you

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widgenstain · 2 months

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I love my mum, I really do, she is my mum and I hope I'll have her with me for a long time. But spending time with her really emphasises that she's the reason for at least 85% of what's wrong with me.

#it's been an abusive relationship from the start #sounds harsh but it's true #I've accepted that I won't change her anymore #and I've learned how to deal with her behaviour most of the time #only took me almost 36 years #but damn can that be exhausting still

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beautifulpersonpeach · 10 months

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bpp idk what i was thinking but i think i just stumbled on a network of pjm blogs on tumblr and i'm so horrified i don't know what to do with myself. it scares me that people so hateful they remind me of profiles on true crime shows are obsessing over the members in the same place as me, just moving anonymously in the fandom among people who are normal fans. their blogs are supposed to be focused on jm but all they do is dissect other members and abuse them,,,,,,

the way they talk about all the members esp suga, tae and jk wishing that they die in the most horrific ways, obsessing over tae and jk's bodies in their magazine shoots and tearing them apart in such dehumanizing ways, fantasizing about hybe going bankrupt and jm leaving bts while in the next paragraph attacking jm for still staying in bts. they keep repeating to themselves that they're the 'true' people who love jm and everybody else hates him. it's so wild to me bpp!!! the members hate him, the company hates him, korean public hates him, his fandom hates him, his friends hate him, but they are the only ones toiling day and night out of love for him. i saw 26 blogs like this with many engagements and it depressed me a lot. i bias jm but could never stand for people hating the members like that. and it's real hate bpp, not just silly stuff people say when they're angry. how will our fandom survive when people can turn a blind eye to this kind of hatred? i'm not on twitter but i know it's more toxic, are solos this extreme there? i'm so depressed after seeing all that i want to leave the fandom completely. there's too much hatred here. people are too insane and there's no way anyone who sees all that hate won't be affected. you talk a lot about the fandom imploding but do you see a way out? do you see the fandom getting better? how can we fix this? i want jm to comeback to a real army fandom in 2025 not a collection of pjms surrounded by other solo stans all fighting each other and hoping that the group jm loves ceases to exist. sorry sorry so sorry that i'm ranting but i feel so scared and heartbroken. the hate jm gets from other member's solos is already so bad but he's getting it from pjms too and they're just as bad hating on other members. how can we fix the fandom to become filled with supporters again bpp? can we even fix the fandom to remove solo stans? have you seen any precedent of this done successfully?

***

Anon, I've written about how solo stans think and behave before, as well as wider fandom dynamics in Chapter 2. You can search my blog for any of those keywords and find posts where I've addressed a lot of this.

That said, the answer to nearly all the questions you asked here, is no. Because people are people. That sentence sounds cliché, glib, almost meaningless at first read, but please consider what that sentence means more carefully, whatever you determine that to mean, accept it, and move on with your life doing what you can to support the artists you love.

#people are anonymous in fandom #it gives them free rein to indulge in hateful gross and even anti-social behavior and the fact is that's what a lot of people do here #people are what comprise systems and that's essentially what this fandom is #a system #so long as certain groups of people have certain tendencies and predilections #none of this will ever change and will likely only become worse #you can improve fandom by regulating your own behaviour and focusing on enjoying content from the artists you love #that's not all it takes but that is the easiest way to improve your own experience in fandom #but also hard to put into practice if you're surrounded by the very abusive elements here #reality is actually focusing on the artist you love is the only real solution to what is really a systemic problem #but because 'people are people' this will likely never happen for the majority of people in the fandom #bts #jimin #park jimin #solo stans #bts army #fandom behaviour #fandom discourse

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furiousgoldfish · 11 months

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me after my parents haven't done anything abusive or violent in a bit: Welp. Can't claim that I'm being abused anymore. No proof that any past abuse exists. I'll never be able to prove to anyone that any of it was real. Maybe I made it up or was just being dramatic. The thought of it being erased and non provable crushes me to the ground. I'm helpless to do anything about it.

#abusive parents #child abuse #toxic parents #self doubt #fog #being gaslit by changed behaviour #doubting the past #feeling like you can't prove anything #and like all symptoms will forever be your fault

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vulturevanity · 7 months

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The people who complain about Natsuki DDLC's grumpiness wouldn't survive watching a single Haruhi episode

#been thinking about the show post-binge and I actually really like Haruhi's toxicity and why it developed #she's exactly what would happen if a 7-year old had a mid-life crisis #of course she's angry at everything. she's still a hormonal teen who thinks she's insignificant and wants to change that #normal teen angst #it just so happens that she also has literal godlike powers and people have to walk on eggshells around her so she won't blow up reality #which is why she can't be called out for her horrible behaviour #and why it's such a shock to her when Kyon gets so mad he tries to punch her #she cannot conceive of him not going along with her. that's unthinkable. he always complained but he was her most reliable follower #she's a horrible person because no one ever confronted her about it. that's all #and sometimes she managed to do something nice and every time people thanked her for it she was like “??????”#she's so used to being served unconditionally that she doesn't recognize the joy of being actually rewarded for her actions #i fucking love haruhi man. i would hate her if she was real but she's such a good unlikeable character #the melancholy of haruhi suzumiya #meanwhile Natsuki is lashing out due to being an abuse victim and basically drops the act pretty fast in both acts #i also like Natsuki but for different reasons #she doesn't recognize just how badly her situation has warped her #she's hurt and curling up into herself and biting every hand that comes close because she doesn't know if it'll hurt her this time too #and sometimes she hurts others and spirals into self-hatred and “why am i like this? ehy is this so hard? am i the problem?”#it's so sad #doki doki literature club

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threewaysdivided · 2 years

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At the heart of it, something - maybe the thing - that really hurts me about what became of the animated Young Justice show is the way later seasons are contemptuously cynical-bordering-on-hateful towards the ideals of heroism set out by its own first season.

In Season 1, Superman states that the Justice League of Earth-16 upholds the ideals of Truth, Liberty and Justice. And yet, the thing the characters from Season 2 onwards can be most reliably expected to do is lie.

They lie constantly, for ill-justified, often-selfish reasons, with the intent to control and manipulate their peers (and civilians), in ways that betray and endanger people who trust them. And when confronted they refuse to hold themselves accountable, at best giving lip-service apologies that are rendered meaningless by them continuing the same behaviours in later episodes/ seasons.

That is mind-numbingly awful. The S2+ iterations of these characters have not only failed to embody their own series’ stated ideals of heroism, but have so consistently acted antithetically to them that, if placed into almost any other hero story (or even their own first season), they would at best be tragic dire-warning fallen heroes, and at worst be insidious Justice Lord-style villains.

Not only that but later seasons seem almost personally vindictive towards the specific ideals and aspirations of the individual characters:

The Dick Grayson of Season 1 was openly afraid to become someone who would sacrifice others for the sake of the mission. And yet the Nightwing of S2 onwards is forcibly re-written as a compulsively dishonest manipulator who pointlessly conceals information and concocts callous sacrifice-plans by default. (‘Dick Grayson is a pathological liar’ becoming a fandom meme.)

The Bruce Wayne of Season 1 openly admitted that he didn’t want Dick to become too like him, and was invested in the emotional wellbeing of the proteges. And yet the Batman of S2 onwards is rewritten to actively enable Nightwing becoming exactly that; an approving co-conspirator who praises him for the ‘respect’ he now commands.

The Kaldur’ahm of Season 1 was concerned that he behaved too much like a soldier to be an effective leader, while worrying about the possible damage he might do by forcing that mantle onto Robin too soon. And yet the Kaldur of S2 onwards is rewritten to be unfit for every leadership position the show arbitrarily hands him, specifically because he consistently enables Nightwing to use him as a soldier in plans that go against every principle the Team once stood for.

The M’gann M’orzz of Season 1 was terrified of creating a situation where her powers would hurt the people she cares about. And yet the Miss Martian of S2 onwards is re-written to intentionally misuse and abuse her powers; violating Conner’s boundaries, manipulating him, Garfield, Artemis and others, and destroying the minds of people she has decided are her enemies.

The Conner Kent of Season 1 wanted to know what it meant to be Superman while not wanting to be treated as a weapon. And yet the Superboy of S2 onwards is never given a meaningful personal or professional relationship with Superman on screen, while being used as a pawn and a tool by teammates who constantly lie to him, with the writing putting the burden on him to accept and forgive this mistreatment. (The show itself being unable to fully pretend that his and Miss Martian’s rewritten relationship isn’t abusive).

The Artemis Crock of Season 1 was desperate to become her own hero and define herself by something other than her criminal family. And yet the Tigress of S2 onwards is forcibly narratively separated from her ‘new family’ and defined primarily by her relationship to her biological family and brother-in-law, while being narratively punished for and written to regret every show of agency that doesn’t involve retiring from heroism to become a subservient trad-wife to either Wally or Red Arrow (because Greg Weisman is a misogynist).

The Wally West of Season 1 was a character who questioned the objectivity of others and learned to appreciate that the value of heroism was helping people. And yet the Kid Flash of S2 onwards is rewritten to be a jaded cynic who decides heroism isn’t worth it (in order to remove him from the narrative), is rudely dismissed by Nightwing when he attempts to question the plan, has his cynicism validated when he is killed in a twist to hurt the audience, and after which is only grieved in superficial ways as the others use his death to justify actions he would never have stood for.

The Zatanna Zatara of Season 1 was insecure about living up to her father’s legacy, especially after losing him to the Helmet of Fate. And yet the Zatanna of S2 onwards is never allowed to heal from that loss or grow into a magician in her own right, instead being relegated to a support character who is arbitrarily handed whatever magical abilities are needed to solve plot problems, uses her powers to manipulate others, and is primarily defined as either Nightwing’s ex-lover or by her Father (because, again, misogynist).

The Roy Harper of Season 1 was a proud character driven to prove his worthiness for League membership, only to be shaken by the reveal that he was a Cadmus sleeper agent. And yet, the Red Arrow of S2 onwards is never allowed a satisfying on-screen arc about identity or self; instead being used first as a prop to introduce Arsenal and then as a surrogate-Wally for Nightwing and strong-male-provider for Tigress to fall into the arms of (oh right, the misogyny).

Even the Team as a unit, the bonds between them, the themes of trust and communication, and everything they worked to achieve in Season 1 is systematically torn apart and undone across Invasion and Outsiders in a way that feels almost intentionally cruel.

I’ve heard people compare Young Justice to Dreamwork’s Voltron, and while that is a fair comparison, I think Young Justice is actually worse. Voltron managed to sustain itself for 3 seasons before gradually falling apart over another 4, and - while it was tragic in the loss of its theme, abandoning of stakes, failure to conclude character arcs and weakening of cast bonds - it never felt like the Paladins were intentionally hypocritical to the point of being toxic for one another, or like they were a threat to the fundamental ideals of the Lion corps.

Meanwhile the core cast of Young Justice have been so consistently re-written to betray each other’s trust and their own explicitly stated values while never taking ownership of or changing their behaviour (no matter how many times they are confronted over it or see it hurt others) that eventually you stop wanting them to succeed and start wanting them to fail just for there to be some accountability. And when that doesn’t happen (because the showrunners and executives don’t see a problem with selfish, dishonest, unjust behaviour) you almost start wanting them to die, if only because death would be a kinder fate than being forced to exist as a corrupted parody of everything they never wanted to become.

And if Earth-16 is a world where fundamental heroic ideals like compassion, honesty, respect and accountability are sneered at as childish things that cannot survive into adulthood? If this is their reimagining of Dick Grayson - a character who in many stories is so meant to embody the ideals of heroism that any world in which he is a good person is worth saving? Then, frankly, Darkseid can have this one and good riddance.

This is what I mean when I say that Young Justice only truly has one season. Season 1 is a very distinctive and separate product to the rest: a sum total of its entire production and executive team. To me, it was the last breath of a golden age of DC TV-animation, with heavy creative input from DC/Cartoon Network old-guard members like Jay Oliva and Michael Chang (a pair of directors who were prominently involved in the Teen Titans animated series, and who together directed over 75% of YJS1 - each individually handling more episodes than any of the writers, including Greg Weisman).

And then a change came and we see those old-guard creatives disappear from the credits of S2 onwards.

It feels like the new production/executive teams hated what Young Justice Season 1 was. It’s kind of an open secret that multiple Cartoon Network shows were cancelled around that time due to a combination of poor toy sales (partially resulting from the low quality/ limited variety of official merchandise) and for having too much ‘four quadrants appeal’, especially when it came to drawing in unexpected numbers of older female viewers. (There’s this deeply stupid marketing idea that shows which attract an audience outside of their intended demographic are “internally competing” with and drawing profit/ sales away from shows aimed at those other demographics). That might also explain why Oliva, Chang and other old-guard members dropped from the production, since Teen Titans seems to have been one of the other shows under fire. This is just speculation but it wouldn’t surprise me to find out that Young Justice Season 1 was up for cancellation and - instead of just dropping the show and launching a new one - the decision was made to cancel it in all but name; gutting everything that actually made it what it was and repurposing the brand identity and visual aesthetic to take advantage of an established audience.

We never really got a genuine narrative continuation of Season 1. What we got was a series of In Name Only sequels, designed to sell merchandise, subscriptions and comics, by new production/executive teams that wanted the show to be anything other than itself. And, in repurposing the title to sell a set of antithetical stories as sequels, those later seasons destroyed any future possibility to actually see that original story continued or concluded.

This is why I haven’t watched Season 4, why I won’t be using any of it in my own fandom stuff (and why I’m low-key kind of offended by its premise). It’s existence is creatively bankrupt; I’ve talked about it here but the showrunners and production/executive teams have so thoroughly dissembled every piece of narrative mechanics that there simply isn’t a story or stakes to carry it. And the claims that Phantoms was going to return to the original team or that ‘this has always been their story’ are blatantly exploitative. This is a show that has had nothing but condescending cynicism-bordering-on-hatred for its own starting point. Its second and third season have done everything they could to deny these characters their arcs, undercut their values and walk back everything they once worked to achieve. If the showrunners and new production teams had ever sincerely cared about this story, its themes or its stated ideals of heroism then they would never have re-written them in such a fundamentally contemptuous way. We would never have been given Invasion and we certainly wouldn’t have been given Outsiders. So for Phantoms to try to crawl back; to make one final grasp at profit by pretending to care about characters and a season it has done nothing but cynically undermine and misrepresent… it’s emblematic of the kind of bald-faced dishonesty and manipulativeness that has destroyed this show from the inside out.

From a narrative perspective, Young Justice only has one season: the original Oliva-Chang directed season, by a production/executive team that genuinely seemed to care about who its heroes were, understood the ideals they stood for, and made a sincere effort to tell a good story.

But it has been followed by a corrupted, soulless parody of everything it never wanted to become: full of hypocritical, unjust strangers-wearing-familiar-faces, written to unapologetically do things that they know to be wrong in service of a product which is contemptuously cynical-bordering-on-hateful towards the ideals of truth, liberty and justice.

A show that now hates everything it used to stand for.

And it just about makes you want to cry.

#Young Justice #Young Justice Revival #Young Justice Critical #young justice salt #YJ essays collection #3WD #Once again back on my bullsh*t (hate that for me) but at least I have articulated Thee Problem #To the anon who was asking whether I was going to use any of the S4 Martian Stuff in my meta or fanfic #I couldn’t find a concise/direct way to answer you but this will hopefully explain why not #This series makes me so sad - it is actively hateful to all the parts of itself that I love #And it is SO nakedly exploitative and dishonest #This condescending hatefulness towards both the idea of heroism and fans who loved it is what made me drop DC #The worst part of Young Justice is that it honestly feels like the OG Season 1 Team might rather have died than become what they did #YJS2+ comes across as uncomfortably right-wing/ republican #In the way it normalises/ valorises abuses of power and presumes that people are selfish/ toxic/ exploitative by default #And some of that is that Grimdark (S2+) often resonates with the right-wing where Hopepunk (S1) resonates with the left-wing #But it is also very consistent with unpleasant patterns in Greg Weisman’s recent works and professional conduct #If you’re wondering why the characters do things they should know to be wrong while refusing to apologise or change the behaviour #Well… it’s very similar to Weisman’s own professional M.O.#He has been criticised for conservative/ overtly bigoted writing across several IPs at this point #and has generally responded to those criticisms in a very disingenuous and bad-faith way #that tries to downplay/ miscontextualise/ blame-shift/ paint himself as victimised #even as he performs faux-progressive social media allyship for publicity #It reminds me a lot of JK Rowling and Butch Hartman prior to their twitter-meltdowns so watch for that as his star falls #Also I hate how Weisman and Cartoon Network seemingly killed YJ by design #Cartoon Network/ WB by not investing in better quality merchandise that would attract more sales #And Weisman as part of a seemingly recurring strategy #Where he carves huge gaps in his narratives in order to create demand for separate purchase side-content promising to fill those gaps #(content for which he would likely be entitled to a larger split of profits as head writer on a smaller team. Absolute grifter behaviour)#Anyway to me the Oliva-Chang productions team’s canon is the only canon There Is No War In Ba Sing Se

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