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Like....do I think asking for more experienced eyes on this issue that is really the backbone of my job and what I was hired for makes me look inexperienced and stupid?? Yes. Is it maybe going to injure my chances of turning this contract into a permanent gig? Maybe. What else am I to do tho. Like. I can't just NOT decide. This task is crucial to my work, needs to get done, and I don't have enough experience with this thing to confidently do it on my own, at least not do it to the best possible version.

So like hm.

#the duality of fran #where's the line btwn talking shop with colleagues and being a needy baby idiot who needs handholding #and who will definitely not be considered for a longer term position #WAHHHH. anxiety creeping in. so i need to go have lunch

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I'm ALSO wearing my terrible mustard yellow pants today. And despite It All it's been a good(ish) day?? Coworkers very nice and offered to chat abt current challenging issue with me and workshop some solutions, lots of ttrpg stuff in the works, I haven't cried

#the duality #everytime i wear or purchase anything yellow. like. thara would hate this #❤️❤️❤️ #i do it for him. and bc yellow is hope and life and warmth and he needs it and i need it #and /i/ have no religious obligations to ulis to dress somberly

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YELLOW COUCH ARRIVING EARLY

#THIS SATURDAY. THEY SAID EARLY JUNE. #IM!!!!!!!! #the duality of fran #gonna be a pain in the ass to get it inside and assembled #and PLEASE GOD NO RAIN in case it needs to sit there until my brother can come and help me bring it in #But!!!!! UGLY MUSTARD YELLOW COUCH

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Congratulations to Marcille DungeonMeshi for achieving Pathetic Little Man status on tumblr, a hard glass ceiling for many female characters to break. I look forward to calling you my sopping wet beast and poor little meow meow for fandom days to come. Keep trucking babygirl, you'll bag Falin one day

#dungeon meshi #marcille donato

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"You should be at the club" Direct exposure to the club would kill me instantly

"You should be at bar trivia night" This I cannot deny

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Resurrection 🩸

#dungeon meshi #marcille donato #Get you a girl who can do both!!!! throw a tantrum abt yucky food AND do black magic to resurrect her gf

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People I met for a few moments that live in my head forever.

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When did we all start accepting the wizard rp as a regular part of this site

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the rich =/= someone who has something I can't afford :(

the rich = the fucking rich

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I know you said not to get you started on Cala, but I would really like to read your opinion on him...

@akallabeth-joie adlkfasf sorry I didn't answer this yesterday, but it did send me down a spiral over Cala's characterization that stretched into the early morning hours and which I will attempt to summarize here.

Like. From the very start Beshelar is Taking This Seriously, while Cala strikes me very much as someone who is just kinda along for the ride. Probably a great deal of it is Just Cala Being Cala, but the faded robe and messy hair and being later then Beshelar just paints him as an informal, laid back person. He's friendly and sensitive and in many ways a breath of fresh air, but he's not really concerned with all this court nonsense, you know? He's got a job to do and he's going to do it well, but he's very detached from the idea that he's serving the emperor, and the idea of the court as something to which he now belongs.

Maia likes this. This is good for Maia, because he never feels judged by Cala. He thinks about what his other nohecharei must think of him (chill Beshelar you're scaring him) but figures Cala won't care. Because Cala doesn't. Cala is just there. Doing his job, yes. But very aware of the fact that he is not supposed to be friends with the emperor and not really interested in being engaged with the goings on around him in other capacities.

So I think Dazhis betrayal was a wake-up call.

His position as a guard is not ceremonial. There are people who want Maia dead, and it's his job to stop them. I mean, after they get Maia back Cala sits outside his door and sobs. It's not just Maia who has to come to terms with the betrayal and what's going to happen to Dazhis-- what would have happened to all of them if things went differently-- it's Cala. This was someone he worked with, who he likely knew previously and likely knew well. There are only so many maza of their rank, after all. 

So Cala has this shift, from his formal oath to his informal one, where the full weight of what he has embarked upon truly hits him for the first time. He swore to give his life for the emperor and now he knows he did not swear that idly. I think Beshelar knew from the start, probably Telimezh and later Kiru as well. But it took Cala a minute to get there, and it not that he changes in the aftermath of that, it's that he becomes more grounded. More aware of how he fits into the court and into Maia's life. He recommends Kiru to Maia's service, speaking up and influencing the situation, knowing she is taking the place of a traitor and knowing how important this position is for Maia.

It's not a lot, it's very quiet and in the background, but it's fascinating to watch Cala come into himself over the course of the book. He grows right along with Maia, even as some things stay the same.

And there is just something about the fact that it is Beshelar, the soldier, the sworn and steadfast guard, who shows he is willing to die for Maia. But it is Cala, the maza with the faded robe and messy hair and lax approach to court etiquette, who kills for him. 

#cala i love youuuuuuuuu #cala athmaza #tge

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#SCREAMS. Percy sent this to me #peter stamatin #pathologic

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#lmaoooo #i dont like fish but otherwise this is like 99% of my diet #OOPS!! #it do be just cheese and carbs and tomatoes and leafy greens and olive oil #AND GARLIC OFC

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not my usual style but I liked making these sun/moon wallpapers :)

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AND my phone battery is low

#the duality of fran #will start writing my conference outline on my errands list ig....FUCK. no pencil either. #damn i am just. in top shape today