#but fr nothing has made me feel as seen as finding out they’re just like me :(

[macdenlover]

watching this play out over the last couple of years has been incredible

#they really are just. weird kids friend group. #it’s all very poetic #and a little bit hilarious like okayy mr phd sit down😭 #maybe they’ll confirm/go more in depth about the gang’s neuroses next season #canon autistic charlie u will be mine.. #but fr nothing has made me feel as seen as finding out they’re just like me :( #and ofc it makes so much sense in hindsight that the show would attract a neurodivergent audience #but i didnt know that when i first started getting into this show as a way to cope with my late diagnoses #like what do u mean i wasn’t just projecting? #sorry for using tags as a diary it will happen again

[majorarenarde]

🔥 Mars 🔥

Mars - known for aggression, motivation, conquest, acting on desire, sex, and stamina

One's mars sign can drastically influence the way they carry themselves, are seen, and impact personal relations and diplomacy. Mars is Energy.

❤️‍🔥 Mars aspecting Chiron can lead to wounds being healed through physical activity- such as martial arts. It should also be noted that it may also indicate particularly violent wounds, or wounds involving domineering men.

❤️‍🔥Mars in pisces need to learn to act on instinct. Decisions are made intuitively and felt through. Because pisces is co-ruled by Jupiter- luck tends to be on their side in accidents or conflict. The type to be in a serious car wreck without a scratch.

❤️‍🔥Mars in cancer are very moody individuals. They can be very shy in private, but project confidence in group settings. They claim to be loners, but I usually see them socializing and going with the mood of the crowd they’re in. Super sweet, but more on the guarded side of cancer placements.

❤️‍🔥Virgo mars have ANGER issues. The type to journal their darker feelings graphically. Think of constant bickering and debates as stimulating and engaging. PE teacher vibes.

❤️‍🔥Libra mars are by far the most charming libra placement I’ve encountered. They can really make everyone comfortable and smooth rough edges in their environment. The type to just shrug and go “this too shall pass” at high stress situations. Very loyal and old fashioned lovers. Their energy is directed towards unity.

❤️‍🔥Pisces mars genuinely need to have a hold on their escapist tendencies. I notice we’re either running from something or highly highly spiritual. Mediums fr tho.

❤️‍🔥 Gemini Mars 🤝 Arguing as a way to flirt

❤️‍🔥 Pluto-Mars aspects and their eternal struggle with control and power is real. You know they aren’t in a good place when they keep trying to death-grip everything in their lives.

❤️‍🔥Saturn-Mars and needing to build up tension

❤️‍🔥 Mercury-Mars and the voice *chefs kiss* 🤌🏻

❤️‍🔥 5th house mars 🤝 being addicted to high risk activities.

❤️‍🔥 Mars in 1st house can appear to always be injured/ in accidents. Commonly seen for the first time with casts and braces. Athletic. Also prone to arguing about themselves. “I’m not like that at all!” “my leg is fine! Just leave me alone, I can handle myself!” Etc

❤️‍🔥 Capricorn mars is NOTORIOUS for their waiting. I’m not saying they don’t take action (they DEFINITELY do and BOLDLY) but it’s more structured when they do. When they move, they make it so NOTHING can disrupt their foundation. They’re slow and steady FS. Very respectful of lover’s boundaries in my experience.

❤️‍🔥 Mars in 2nd house constantly argue about their worth, fortune, and their structure. Sign will color how this plays out. My mom has Aries mars in 2nd house- always arguing with people ab money, her values, eating habits, etc. my father also has mars here- but it’s Virgo, and he will debate about giving away his money, debate values, etc. he tends to be less aggressive than my mother in this house.

❤️‍🔥 Mars in 7th literally HAVE to argue with their partners. I don’t know why. They get really upset when their partners don’t argue back. They really like bratty banter.

❤️‍🔥 10th house mars 🤝 arguing with authority figures

❤️‍🔥 Mars-moon hard aspects have a hard time balancing their emotional reactions, and tend to have very impulsive responses to stimuli.

❤️‍🔥 Mars in detriment or fall signs tend to have lower energy levels and aren’t necessarily motivated to act easily.

❤️‍🔥 Mars in water signs and houses can and will be angry if those around them are. Very reflective lol. Also the type to get hype/motivated when in a crowd. Probably loves mosh pits tbh. Hard for them to release that emotion.

❤️‍🔥 Mars-Venus are charming individuals, often making peace during war, but can sometimes take out their angers and frustration on their closer friends and lovers. Could also just find conflict with social relationships.

❤️‍🔥 Mars Opposite Jupiter (cap mars) can be VERY quick. For some reason he wanted to edge himself??? Literally went in and exited immediately.

❤️‍🔥 EVERY Sagittarius Mars i have met was so funny and sooo nerdy. 10/10 my Sag Venus falls SO hard for this mars sign (esp bc its in my 5th house). Most around my age have aspects to pluto, which is very hot omg. In true fire mars fashion,(in an unserious and joking tone) i have been told by this placement, "I don't want to share you," and that they would flip off anyone checking me out.

#astrology #mars #asstrology obervations #aries #taurus #gemini #cancer #leo #virgo #libra #scorpio #sagittarius #capricorn #aquarius #pisces #rising sign #love #zodiac #witch #astroblr #witchblr

[dantedeservedbetter]

I don’t think anyone understands just how much I want origin stories of everyone else in Mystreet like they all have really interesting backgrounds that are just tossed to the side of the main plot points (lol abt to be a really long threat again sorry)

Aaron- Didn’t actually get character lore OR a personality until S3 but like I want MORE because tbh I feel like his parents gave him a lot more trauma than what’s shown in the series, and even the stuff IN the actual seasons (the emotional neglect, his military schooling, the tense relationship w/Melissa etc;) are fixed and shoved off like no he might ACTUALLY need therapy bruh PLEASE

Katelyn- I think she was (?) in therapy in the beginning for her anger issues and the loss of her mother but like it was kind of forgotten about tbh. I think she needs more positive moments in the series honestly bc in the later seasons we’re shown she’s partially abusive towards Travis the first time they went out, and ends up being written off as prejudice towards werewolves bc of past experiences??? Naw the Katelyn I know would never do that. AND HER DREAMS OF WORKING IN THEATRE TOO HELLO??? Also, her mom quite literally used her in the Forever Potion experiments as a child?? I feel like that’s important to her character too :/

The Ro’meave Brothers- I don’t actually know where to start tbh because I feel like ALL THREE of them could use some kind of character depth aside from Dumb Blonde, Emo One, and the Forgotten One. Especially Vylad, probably having to witness this entire Lycan situation grow from an outsiders perspective with no contact from his family in forever. It’s shown that Zane is immensely interested in the family business too like hello??? Garroth himself is kind of just written off as a comedic effect most of the time, but he quite literally has no other goals (possibly because he KNOWS he’s going to inherit the business one day whether he cares to or not).

Laurance- He’s not really a character anymore, but from what we’ve actually SEEN in Mystreet he had enough development to become something outside of a potential love interest for Aphmau. He has a fondness for cooking and was seen to be EXCEPTIONAL at it, and I think he still carried an interest in baseball (or idk it was SOME sport asdfghjk the point is he was good). And he was also shown to still help out his family here and there (babysitting Caleb, his baby brother, in numerous episodes). Idk, I feel like there were so many pieces of Laurance that could’ve been explored and touched upon and we hardly got anything. Also… Garrance. Quite literally hate to be that person but it was literally the biggest piece of queerbaiting I’ve ever seen fr I wish it was explored as much as Aarmau was :( (willing to bet the popularity had something to do with what I call the ‘Heartstopper’ treatment but that’s just me tho)

Nana (KC)- The most under appreciated character in-universe I actually had to go and make a separate post about this LOLOL expect it in like five minutes from now bc I just save everything in my drafts.

Travis- Lol no surprise here but him too dude honestly I have no idea where to start with him atm, his entire family’s lore needs a full in depth analysis on themselves because Aphmau’s series just BARELY touches the surface of Travis’s character

Dante/Gene- Honestly BOTH of them were done so dirty I find it funny how no one ever talks abt it because they’re so beautiful to me. Gene already had his redemption arc so I can kind of see why they just tossed him aside but Dante literally had nothing tbh. He had a messy relationship with KC in PDH and then made that same mistake in LLP. Okay, cool, give us more of that. Let him learn from his mistakes and be self aware now. Or better yet let him grow without tossing love interests into the formula in order for it to happen!! Seems like his family life is pretty good though, worst thing abt him was the peanut allergy.

Lucinda- Queen actually has very little to no background that actually centers around her. We know she had a really bad relationship with Ivan but like I’m pretty sure that’s it.

[poohwhin]

|| My Ocs From Different Fandoms

tagged by: @fruit-of-infidelity

tagging: no one bc my friends have all already been tagged >:( but if you see this: DO IT 🔫

HI HI HI. I HAVE MILLIONS OF OCS THAT I CARE FOR AND LOVE VERY VERY MUCH, EVEN IF I DONT HAVE DEDICATED BLOGS FOR THEM! (and those that have been forgotten bc i’ve become unhappy with them, bUT THATS NOT THE POINT! ANYWAYS!)

Also this art I’ve found is OLD. eat my ass /lh

Also (x2)! A few of these were made in sort of a story I’d sometimes talk abt with a friend! But since we don’t talk much anymore, I’ve kind reworked my ocs into their own thing. (or made an attempt to without just completely redoing them).

(I won’t ramble too much these it but I want to pls enable me to do so)

I. Virek Sutcliffe (Diabolik Lovers)

Are: 18

Species: Human

Pronouns: He/Him

Desc. AHHHH MY SWEET BABY BOY. Probably my most known oc idk. BUT YEAH. he acts as an alternate protagonist after you complete all the contact in the More, Blood game :D He’s a former experiment, who ended up in Kaminashi completely by chance. It’s the similar case of “wrong place, wrong time”, except with Virek comes a lot more chaos than usual. My entire purpose for him was to incite more animosity between the families, and indirectly cause Karl’s plans to absolutely fail. (which in the end he’s happy about bc he hates that guy).

but yeah. he’s a silent, odd, and downright IRRELEVANT and MISSABLE character, but so much so that he attracts chaos and eeriness and just freaks some of these guys out in the worst way. yeah :) (no art bc im still redesigning him).

II. Rowhin (Diabolik Lovers)

Age: 19

Species: Questionable!

Pronouns: They/Them

Desc. It’s a self insert imma be so honest. Its a s/i for richter bc i am down TREMENDOUSLY and delusional 😞 They act as a servant for them bc they met him at a convenient time. Technically they’re supposed to be helping him advance his plans to reunite with Cordelia. But you know. things don’t go that way and those two silly fucks end up catching a tiny teaspoon of feelings. (In which Richter will never actually admit bc it’s RICHTER. but i’m delusional and greedy so i can do what i want 🙄🤷)

(no art bc i hate my previous designs; drawing myself makes me so picky).

III. Avard (Genshin Impact)

Age: Not specific (between 20 and 30)

Species: Human

Vision: Anemo

Origins: Khaenri’ah (birth), Monstadt (raised)

Desc: Yes ik I said his vision is anemo but in the photo is cryo. there’s a reason for that its bc he’s faking that’s not his. ANYWAYS. Bro’s technically from Khaenri’ah, but remembers absolutely nothing (and probably never will)— So he doesn’t consider it home since he has no connection to it.

Instead he was raised by a father and son in Springvale. But unfortunately after getting in between a father/son quarrel and trying to prevent it from escalating, he obtained a vision ‼️ and ofc nothing goes right and he couldn’t actually gain control over it, so he did de-escalate it. his adoptive father and newfound best friend died 🤷

so he ran away, changed his appearance and his name, and became sort of a scholar?? not really. he just wants to find some kind of answer as to why he feels out of place. he’s one of those characters that’s on the road with traveler a lot, but doesnt actually get involved unless it’s useful for him.

IV. Khalid (Genshin Impact)

Age: Not specific (mid 20s — early 30s)

Origins: Sumeru

Vision: Electro

Pronouns: Hey/They

Desc: Bro’s a ghost. Okay not like. Fr a ghost. But he’s like. NEVER SEEN?? He had one terrible day during early akademiya days and said “guess i’ll die” /j. He’s technically a Haravatat scholar, despite his methods of doing things being more fitted for Rtawahist; he just joined the former bc it had the least amount of students to worry about.

He keeps to himself mostly, rarely every actually being seen at the Akademiya. (he’s there he just. doesn’t wanna be noticed 😭 people do NOT like this man). People also refuse to believe that he’s the author behind all of these genuinely well done and thought out articles bc they think he’s a wacko, whatever. 😭 Bro refuses most of his summons unless he feels like coming, and just spends time stargazing, thats if. Bro’s a nerd 😞

Oh also his vision story is very stupid. Bro electrocuted himself with a toaster one day, said fuck it, and found his vision lying on his doorstep whenever he went outside again.

V. Zone (One Piece)

Age: Late 20s

Species: Human

Affiliation: Marines

Devil Fruit: None

Pronouns: He/They

Desc. Bro’s just a marine idk what to tell you. NAH BUT ‼️ He used to be affiliated w Doflamingo’s crew. But after a friend he made turned him over to the marines as a kid (they didn’t wanna see him grow up to be like Doffy. as they should’ve) Zone was just raised to be a marine.

Which is like cool whatever. Yada yada bro grows up training w them. BUT THEN WHENEVER HE TURNS LIKE?? 23?? BRO GETS DRAFTED INTO THE SAME DIVISION SMOKER IS IN AND LOSES HIS MIND 😭 Bro is aggressively homosexual for captain smoker and that is his ONLY personality trait /j

nah but he’s one of those people who’s super loud, energetic, and obnoxious. but then when he’s fighting or focused he’s eerily quiet. everyone’s like “damn i guess he can be serious.” (they take those words back as soon as work is finished).

VI. Nero (Fandomless)

Age: Unknown, (early to mid 20s physically)

Species: Vampire

Pronouns: They/He

Desc. Previously a DL oc, i made him fandomless just for my own mental health. BUT! Nero is a Vampire & an artist. He specialises in painting and sculpting, and has made some of the most beautiful things the underworld has ever seen. Except none are marketed as his.

He was taken in by a prominent family of artists, who are going through a dilemma when the eldest son just ABSOLUTELY SUCKS. So in exchange for a home, and the ability to do what he likes, he acts as a secret proxy for the eldest. But yada yada things happen and an ‘accident’ ends up taking place, and Nero is taken in by someone else. Bro has to regain his love for the arts again, while also learning to be treated as something MORE than just a set of hands to make things :). (also i hate this design sm i wanna change it).

VII. Rook (Fandomless)

Age: Unknown

Species: Also Unknown

Pronouns: Literally make them up Rook does NOT care

Desc. There’s not much too Rook other than them being a jester who pulls lethal silly pranks by trapping people in playing cards and swapping them around! Nah but to be completely serious, i love playing around w just full fantastical and magical characters, and Rook is one of them. Bro is technically a criminal, but hey they’re a jester you can’t arrest them!!!! it’s just a joke!!!

They wander around to every which place and just have a grand ‘ole time toying with people. But sometimes they will trap you inside of a playing card and use you for a trick! You may die! But it’s fine it’s just a joke!!!—

Oh! And they don’t speak. They only jingle. They got jingly shoes, jingly hat. Yeah. (also idk if that is a mask, or just their face. Make smth up).

IX. Bonnie (Fandomless)

Age: mid 20s

Species: Human

Pronouns: They/Them

Desc: I don’t have a drawn out design for them, but I do have some general thoughts!! They live on a planet who’s population is incredibly advanced. BUT! Their basically a nobleman im a highly futuristic society, that has a general distaste of cyborgs. (Even minor things like bionic limbs). Unfortunately for them, they have a bionic eye (well its more like those things you see in dragon ball. but whatever) 🤷. Oops, big ‘ole issue when you’re the child of a man who has to run an entire planet’s population‼️

VIII. Pyro (Fandomless)

Age: 26-ish (probably older??)

Species: Alien (humanoid, technically. but he is supposed to be a fire guy)

Pronouns: Hey/They (wouldn’t care if any others are used though).

Companion: Kalixo (added him bc i love this little dude and him and Pyro are a PACKAGE DEAL)

Desc: In the same universe as Bonnie ‼️ He’s a fire-oriented alien from a planet of different elemental guys, who each specialise in their own type of art. His specifically being welding/engineering. Unfortunately bro’s planet was DECIMATED when he was a child, BUT DON’T LOSE HOPE— he can just rebuild it 🙄 bc building is what he does 🙄 he’s just a funny, silly, heart on his sleeve guy who adores building.

Like Bonnie, he also has bionic body parts :D specifically mechanical legs! As a kid, he had a condition that made his legs increasingly weaker as he grew, so being the amateur master craftsman he was, he just made himself new ones. AND they’re fire powered because he’s cool 🤷 ( also his human form isnt what he actually looks like. his family specifically just chooses it bc fire is scary to others!)

ALSO! HE HAS A CAT. bro has a cat named Kalixo, who’s just a wandering spirit that likes being a cat form and being lazy and doted on. bro met pyro bc pyro was DUMB and ran into him (kicked him) by accident and cried for hours. Now he follows him around and acts as a voice of reason to keep pyro from being too STUPID.

X. Ezekiel (Fandomless)

Age: Unknown (thousands of years old)

Species: Vampire

Pronouns: He/Him

Desc. A lot of my followers came here from DL, so vampires should be your thing. HOWEVER! EZEKIEL HERE IS A BIG ‘OLE BABY. A vampire who refuses to drink blood from humans, because be doesn’t want to put himself, or anyone else, in that kind of vulnerable position. He also: is a recluse. Seriously, a HERMIT. He holds himself up in an abandoned library that full of spirits and ghosts, and does not LEAVE.

He also doesn’t speak. He passes notes. And if you somehow stumble in he will HIDE FROM YOU and maybe throw paper balls at you until you leave :3

#ramblings ahead bc oopsie #these descriptions are so ass btw im very sleeby #my eyes are like — — #god i hate my old art this shit sucks >:( #also that zone screenshot is from MAY of 2022 😟😟 #eugh #also i have female ocs i promise i just dont wanna dig around for the art of them 😞 #i found all these by CHANCE #anyways #more rambles #i love how genshin vision stories are always like #‘oh they just got one’ #or #some TRAUMATIC ASS EVENT 😭

[moriartyluver]

Sherlock definitely doesn’t know anything about love, bro is clueless

STOP WILLIAM PROBABLY FELT EVEN MORE GUILTY BECAUSE FL NEVER GOT ANY REASSURANCE OF HIM LOVING HER AND CARING ABOUT THEIR CHILD

Imagine Louis taking liam to his grave because bro was curious or smth and he somehow found the letters😭

Love louis, but bro has to leave liam to his whoreship of fl

It’s okay fl and liam eventually got better when he came back

Louis played the therapist

They so should have fucked in his office in that scene💔 it’s okay tho they probably fucked in every room of that manor after they did it the first time

FL’S BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH BRO GIVE THE POOR GIRL A BREAK😭

Also liam may be a stupid virgin but he’s still good asf, bro literally said it himself🛐

FL AND WILLIAM WOULD NEVER PLAY CBAT WHILE FUCKING

okay maybe William’s dumbass would but fl would beat him for it🛐

You just re-traumatized me with that

The images in my head rn are terrifying

Oh god

You just convinced me to go church

🎀.

John getting engaged and Sherlocks silly reaction is proof enough that sherly knows NOTHING about love. He may have only seen it once and acknowledged it when fl came to him to tell him to help liam and he just says “you really love him, don’t you?” And she just nods with a melancholic smile

The moment liam finds out about the accidental fetus deletus, poor guy is just sobbing and shi because he feels like it was his fault and poor fl was suffering mourning not one but TWO people

If Liam found the letters he wouldn’t know how to feel. He’d feel guilty but also bro was probably kicking his feet and blushing because he hadn’t ever been written a love letter from fl

Each time fl goes, she leaves a bouquet of lillies and Liam saw the fresh bouquet when he visits his grave

Keyword: eventually

It was probably so awkward for them at first. Fl was probably a little salty and Liam is just trying not to annoy her

Imagine them at that family dinner omg 😭 like with john and mycroft and miss Hudson and they’re all like ‘whys she so mad at him I thought they were married’

Louis definitely had to deal with their silly couple shenanigans for a bit afterwards.

Also poor Louis had to deal with his older brother being so down bad for god knows how long. William probably has a whole shrine for his whoreship of fl

On that note, bro is probably such a good therapist. They should have given him more screen time away from liam before his brother ‘died’ because his development seemed a bit sudden but makes sense when you read back on it

Nah they down bad fr 😭 can’t keep their hands off of each other omg

EVERY ROOM 😟😟 I think maybe the office and both their rooms are enough. Bathroom too if they’re that down bad there are other people in the house

Maybe if u combine both the rooms in Durham and London, that could probably make sense

Nah they actually can’t stop being down horrendously. There are going to be complaints from the other residents I swear

He may be good without realising but that stupid virgin still needs to initiate something ‼️ those idiots need to consummate the marriage

Also I actually think it makes most sense for William (along with the other Moriarty bros tbh and other characters like the Holmes brothers) to have little to no experience even in canon. You can’t tell me liam had time for anything involving his clothes off in the manga and in false lovers, bro couldn’t do that unless with fl. stupid hoe 🙄

Nah fl is so silly she probably made it a competition mid way just so she wouldn’t have the admit that she thinks liam is hot.

I had to be a little silly with the cbat thing cmon 😭 liam wouldn’t even mind being beat for that what a masochist

Yknow who else needs to go to church?

William

He should get on his knees for something that isn’t fl (that has so many meanings to it—)

#—a’s anons 💄 #—false lovers 💋

[venusvxen]

[Rambling]

While trying to assign astro charts to stranger things characters I made a realization. Everyone always talks about how Saturn rules the father and the complex relationships capricorn placements may have w their parents (namely fathers) so i got to thinking🤔 Wouldn’t a cap rising = someone who heavily resembles their father either visually or personality wise.

I got to this conclusion bc in the show Mike is very very VERY emotionally constipated. Very much like pulling teeth trying to get him to admit his feelings for El to her face😭 so off that alone he has to have a shit ton of aquarius placements. I’m putting him as an aqua moon and aqua venus. Then i thought about the environment he grew up in. Namely the type of father he has. Mike v much like his dad just not a bum. But the point is he’s a product of his environment. His very neglectful environment so that’s why expressing his emotions is like pulling teeth for him cus when has he ever seen his parents be vulnerable with each other?

Anyway let’s go back to the Capricorn theory I had. Namely capricorn rising. If saturn rules the father and the ascendant is the self then naturally Capricorn risings would take after their father and be a lot like them either consciously or unconsciously. While both his parents play a part in his emotional…. not there ness💀 I think his dad suspect #1. Which is why i was like “me assigning him a cap rising wouldn’t be too off because he’s kinda like his dad a bit”. So there we have it. Aqua moon Aqua venus capricorn rising.

I haven’t figured out his sun merc or mars yet. But also him being a capricorn rising would mean he’s an aries 4h which tracks because him and his siblings are all extremely independent because they live in a neglectful ass environment😭 Been doing shit by himself since a young age which tracks for an aries 4th house.

The 4th house is what I was basing his ascendant off of tbh. Like if i could find a 4h sign that matched the dysfunctional mess that is the wheeler household then i’d be able to work my way backwards 3 signs up. Whatever it was there just HAS to be URANUS OR NEPTUNE influence in that 4th house. Hell the both of them are prob in there TANGOING. Idc they’re deff in there somewhere.

So w that being said if I don’t have mike as a capricorn rising then my second guess would be Gemini rising because then there would be a virgo 4h. The wheelers give off this impression of a calm docile stereotypical suburban family who all have their shit together w their nice little house nice cars and nice little nuclear family uno🤷🏾‍♀️ They have a nice put together image but in reality his parents suck but that’s besides the point. Gemini rising also tracks. Because w an aqua moon and aqua venus that would also explains why he SUCKS at vulnerability and anything that has to do w like….. emotions💀

I also was gonna put him as a libra 4h for that reason until i forgot to account for cancer when i was counting backwards n realized that Gemini rising would not give him a libra 4th. But that thought also opened up a new train of thought… VENUS IN THE 4TH. It obviously would be conjunct neptune or something. Venus conjunct neptune in the 4th gives the ILLUSION of this perfect nuclear family who all have their shit together when again.. in actuality.. THE WHEELER PARENTS R UNHINGEDJDJDJD. They’re so silly 😭 especially Ted bro.

that was like 5-6 paragraphs i wrote going on absolutely absolutely nothing… i just love to chat fr. But anyways lmk what we’re thinking.. Does he give Cap rising more or gemini rising more🤔.. so long as we all agree he has some aqua stellium of some sort + neptune/uranus activity in the 4th that’s all that matters

#capricorn #astrology #astro observations #astro thoughts #stranger things #mike wheeler

[anne-i-write]

moriarty the patriot headcannons pt. 1

| requested by anon: Can you write about all male characters in moriarty has a same look of their  children and hpw many children they want? |

william x reader; louis x reader; albert x reader; sebastian x reader; fred x reader

word count: 2397

pt. 2: 221b boys

a/n: I DONT KNOW WHY I DIDNT WRITE THIS EARLIER IM SO SORRY THIS REQUEST HAS LITERALLY BEEN IN MY INBOX FOR SO LONG I AM SO SORRY I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS

william: 487 words

with his whole plan to clean the world of the filthy nobles, william never really stopped to think about having children

well, until he met you

you both were in town one day and he saw you fondly watching a child speak with her mother

“i think two children would be nice”

“i didn’t even ask”

“i know, but the look you gave that mother was telling enough”

n e ways he is a simp and he did eventually give you what you wanted

fast forward a few years, you have two children: a boy and a girl

and they look exactly like their father

like,, it lowkey pains you how much they physically take after their father

you wanted to be like “oh they have your personality, but they look just like me!”

no

granted, your son took after you in an emotional sense but your daughter was a daddy’s girl through and through

like she looks like him, she acts like him, speaks like him, she even EATS like him

ok but the men w your children

fred is a freaking sweetheart ok

like he’ll watch over the kids when no one has the time and they love him too so they’ll help out in the garden which you are SO thankful for

tbh they only like uncle albert bc he brings them lil trinkets from when he gets back from london LMAO

louis doesn’t show it, but he absolutely adores your children and makes extra snacks for them at tea time

you caught onto this at one point bc for some REASON your kids would not stop bouncing off of the walls before bed and they told you uncle louis gave them chocolate

and sebastian loves messing w your kids bc,,, sebastian

but he accidentally made your son cry ONCE and he was at the mercy of every adult in the moriarty estate including the boy’s younger sister

needless to say, he watched his actions and words around your children after that

now, william

i’m just gonna say this straight out: most of the men never really thought about having kids (save john and albert)

but when you finally had kids, william had a different outlook on life

like fr,, this man works overtime now trying to get rid of the filth that is called nobles

he doesn’t want his kids to be raised in a world where just because you have more money than another means you get to look down on them

you still instill in them those good morals ofc

he also tries to be very present in their lives since he and his brother were raised as orphans

when he was younger, he didn’t mind it all much

but now that he had this small family and a brighter future, he did everything in his power to make sure they’re happy and grow up in a cleaner and kinder world

louis: 320 words

it took you a week to get him to at LEAST humor you

“if you could, how many kids do you want?”

“none”

like, this guy is so dedicated to his brother and his cause it is a WONDER you somehow wormed your way into his heart

but you did and honestly, the brothers are actually very happy that you’re with them

william especially

louis rarely emotes but when you came into their lives, you got louis pissed at one point and everyone was like,,,, wtf?? he has emotions???

anyways, his answer is one kid LMAO

and when you get that one kid, he looks just like louis

yall already KNOW that he’s ready to die for that child as soon as louis holds him in his arms

the only kid sebastian wouldnt even try to mess with

he can deal with william’s albert’s or fred’s kids but louis lowkey intimidates him so he’s as nice as he can be

that being said, louis teaches his kid how to properly handle stuff around the house

you want to cry bc ur son is just so??? the little kid just loves helping out no matter how small the task and he’s just so cute it hurts

even sebastian’s kinda like,, “aight he’s the only kid i will tolerate”

louis grew up with only his brothers so he also wants to give his son a shot at a normal family

is actually aware at how he thinks he’s indispensable for william’s cause and he doesn’t want his son to end up like him

he also teaches his son some badass fighting moves

oh and louis smiles a lot more too

cried bc his son saw the scar he got on his cheek, rubbed some dirt on his lil face and said “i have daddy’s cool scar now”

all in all his son is the best thing to happen to all of you

albert: 505 words

same as louis in the fact that it takes him a week to answer

“you know you haven’t even answered my question”

“i’m sorry, what did you say?”

“how many kids do you want?”

genuinely takes time to ponder that question

he hadn’t thought of that since his family adopted william and louis

but with you?

“i think two darling girls who take after their mother is enough for me”

pls he’d be so sweet 🥺🥺🥺

you two end up having a girl and a boy, who look just like their father

and tbh, you’re not even mad

you love them so much so when albert comes back north, the three of you are ecstatic

the happiness was short lived for albert tho

he found his son spending time with william and there’s nothing bad right????

“where’s your sister?”

“she’s with mr. moran”

his heart DROPPED

out of all the people in the manor

HIM

he sees the two running around the garden

it all happened as soon as albert’s daughter went up to sebastian and said “you’re very pretty! you’re my knight now!”

he decided to “adopt” the little girl and now he’s lowkey whipped

you found albert staring at sebastian playing with his daughter and updated him about everything going on

“but him??”

“he’s just a big softie for her let it go”

isn’t really surprised when he finds out they can fight a little

actually glad that they can hold their own, God forbid anything happens to them

otherwise mi6 has to deal w family matters lmao

“albert, she only tripped”

“you shouldve seen the fear in her eyes as she fell”

“IT WAS A STRAY COBBLESTONE”

would raise hell if anyone even THOUGHT ill of his kids

william and louis are the doting uncles

william more so than louis bc your kids have never seen louis smile

now they’re on a mission to make uncle louis smile

louis was on child duty one day and they managed to slip away

omyGOD he was stressed but also,, extremely worried

so when he found them he had the most genuine smile on his face

your daughter was like (・∀・)

she loves uncle louis

ofc your son adores his dad like,,, who else wouldn't feel awesome at the age of 10 if you found out your dad was a high ranking general

feels superior to sebastian bc of his dad

lmao this 4’5 kid thinks he can rule sebastian for some odd reason

the house is always dirty bc him and sebastian always prank each other

your daughter is trying to catch a butterfly but she can’t so fred helps

instantly loves fred

“is that what heartbreak is”

“i guess that’s what happens when you try to get close to my kids colonel”

albert is kind of afraid of turning into his dad but he has you and everyone else to remind him that: no you are not your father, you are so much better than him

loves your family with his entire being

sebastian: 844 words

“i see you looking at those kids and the answer is none”

lmao you’ll get so pouty around him bc you want kids dammit

that and he spoils you to no end so that's why you’re pouty lol

“fine we’ll only do one kid and bc one kid is all i can tolerate”

bruh

this man gives you three in four years LMFAO

two boys a year apart and a girl in the fourth year

you wanted to smack sebastian

when the two boys grew up, it was obvious they were already taking after their father in the physical sense

it was terrifying

they genuinely look like mini sebastians and you know everyone in the manor is afraid that you two birthed satan

and the satan was your eldest one

he’s just a feral sebastian moran in a tiny body

your second son, god bless him, looked just like his father but with fred’s temperament

and see, you were fine with your sons looking like their father

it was FINE right

you prayed to God that your third child would have at least some physical resemblance to you

your daughter was birthed, she grew up

and you cried

“HOW DO THEY ALL LOOK LIKE YOU”

“i’ve got some strong genetics, baby”

you sulk for a lil bit

but you accept it anyway because you love your goddamn kids

thankfully, your second and youngest child are both soft spoken and it's only your husband and his tiny clone bringing hell to earth

smacking sebastian bc all of your children suddenly started swearing up a storm at each other

“WHYD YOU HIT ME”

“YOURE THE ONLY ONE WHO SWEARS AROUND THE KIDS”

finally sitting down and trying to convince them to stop swearing

“father does it!”

“your father’s stupid”

speaking of your daughter

she’s his little princess and no he will not take criticism

spoils her more than he spoils you

did she glance at a toy at a passing store?

he buys more toys than he should from said store

you have to physically hide some of his money bc there is only so much you can buy

and her older brothers are so caring you want to sob

if a person accidentally shoved her over bc she was tiny and they couldn’t see her

oh boy

get ready to restrain them like chihuahuas

“little sister will be protected at all costs”

since his second son is so different from him, sebastian actively makes time to talk about what the little boy is doing and what he’s getting from it

doesn’t want to be pushy and suffocating like his dad was so when his younger kid does want to be left alone to his devices, sebastian does so

but honestly loves that your second son is so literate

lddhsajdsfk what yall dont know is that they’re all in cahoots

kinda funny to see them all together bc they all take after their father so much it's like having three tiny sebastians go around town

anyways,,,, yall know the promised neverland right

you got ray, norman, and emma

granted one of them wasn’t as smart as ray but he definitely knew what stealth was

regular sibling rivalry was still a thing but if they could smell the pudding from the kitchen, they know they have to work together

sebastian caught his eldest smuggling biscuits into a small bag

he had half a mind to scold him

but then he ended up giving tips TO ALL HIS CHILDREN on how not to get caught next time—

bc of this they beg him to tell them some stories from afghanistan bc “there’s no way a man as old as dad knows this many stealth tactics”

louis is so fed up lmao

albert is in london most of the time so he just thanks the lord that he doesn’t have to deal w the propaganda that sebastian feeds his children about how “mr. albert is a bad man”

william is fine w it as long as they don’t trash the library

your younger ones love the library so they would cry at the thought of one of the books losing any of the pages

your second and your daughter are definitely the moriartys’ favorites

they don’t show it, but you just KNOW

your eldest could care less about that though

as long as you and his father still love him

and of course you both do

and fred is definitely your youngers favorite

they like to hang out in the garden

ok they still fight all the time though

just because your second child is soft spoken doesn't mean he’s afraid to throw hands

their sister likes to join in for the hell of it

but if someone wrongs any of the children

just because the younger ones are the moriartys’ favorite, doesn’t mean that they’re not gonna hunt someone down if they even think about trying to hurt the eldest too

yeah,,, good luck to them and their families

they got the entire moriarty estate coming after them

fred: 241 words

cmon yall are like,, young

but you did ask him bc you were curious if he thought about it

he wants one

and when yall do have the kid, you guys actually do have one kid and its a girl

since you both are young, you can immediately see a resemblance between her and her father

everyone who meets her would die for her

ABSOLUTE CUTIE

especially when she walks around the garden w her hand in her dad’s and he’s showing her all the plants and telling her how to take care of them

needless to say she grows up loving plants

any type of plant

the boys love giving her flowers or anything from bc she has the biggest smile every single time

no matter if it’s just a single rose or a rock

this was found out one time when sebastian gave her a rock bc everyone else had given her like,, two roses each

was afraid she was gonna cry

“thank you so much mr. moran! i will treasure this until i get old!”

she was like 4 at the time

and had the widest smile you’ve ever seen on her

guys u don’t understand she smiles a lot but this was like,, genuine happiness

but everyone was just,, i will destroy the world and myself if anything happens to her

fr it’s just sunshines and rainbows every single time she’s around

everyone just loves her ok

moriarty the patriot general taglist: @zoehanji

#moriarty the patriot #moriarty the patriot x reader #yuukoku no moriarty #yuukoku no moriarty x reader #william james moriarty #william moriarty #william james moriarty x reader #william moriarty x reader #louis james moriarty #louis moriarty #louis james moriarty x reader #louis moriarty x reader #albert james moriarty #albert moriarty #albert james moriarty x reader #albert moriarty x reader #sebastian moran #sebastian moran x reader #fred porlock

[hopefullystillatheatrestudent]

i'm so excited about you taking asks again ahhhh okay so. if you'd absolutely had to choose. what would be your top 5 cockles moments, and why? thank you ily <3

here’s the thing: there are so many routes i could go down with this, because cockles moments come in all shapes and sizes and formats. these include moments from their panels, their bloopers, the footage we get when they don’t even know they’re being recorded, stories being passed down from photo ops & autographs(one of my personal favorite ways to get cockles, tbh, because they’re all insane), and social media(tweets to each other, instagram posts & comments, etc.). 

SO! since many a list like this has already been made, and i want to stand out from the crowd, what i’m gonna do is definitively give the number one spot to each of these five categories.(i might even throw in honourable mentions because they’re so despicably in love that they warrant that. i really put my whole pussy into this, guys, i hope you’re happy.) 

disclaimer: these are my own personal opinions. but that also means i’m right. so. enjoy. 

number one: top cockles panel moment

so we’re starting off with a bang, because how do you even BEGIN to rank what atrocities jensen and misha commit at jibcon. every single one they’ve had is damning in it’s own right, for different reasons.

however, considering just how much unabashed fuckery they’ve given us to sift through, it’s a good thing i do have a personal favorite despite it all. it’s heartwarming, the sweetest thing i’ve ever seen, AND it’s jarringly cinematic - mainly because it has a whole ass arc to it that was years in the making. it might even be surprising to some people, but my favorite cockles panel moment, and what i consider the one that encompasses their entire gut-wrenching journey from 2008-2013 in the most sweepingly romantic gesture possible, is this one.

i want this burned into my retinas. i am not even joking. when i'm through with my explanation, let me convince you why this is thee most romantic cockles moment of all time.

first, some history: people call this the resume off, but many seem to forget the botched attempt at a resume off a year prior. and yes, you guessed it: it's during their break up. it's a juicy time period for a reason, guys. it came across as exceedingly one-sided and VERY awkward. let me refresh your memory as to just how bad it was, and just how hard jensen was trying and ultimately failing at winning misha over: the funniest part of the whole resume off in 2013??? every joke/bit had literally already been made/done. they were just going through the motions again, but the difference THIS time...is that misha reciprocated jensen's energy. it. is. fascinating. i want to get into it more detail in another post, and i'll link it here when i'm done, but the main takeaway, i think, and the main difference that showcases how much they've grown in a year, is that in jib 3, misha flat out refused to do an accent, and this time around, he indulges jensen for literal minutes. when i tell you they're crazy, they're crazy. i can't wait to actually dive into it later.

ANYWAY, the resume off culminates in this moment here. and, like, a million things happen in this gifset. actually, more like a million and one. the music starts playingneediremindyouthatthesongissingingintherain(h e l p), misha starts dancing, jensen 'perpetually fake grumpy' ackles lets misha think he's not going to join, misha sits down defeated, but no!!! that was jensen's plan all along(look at his stupid fucking smirk) and he offers his arm to his dance partner who immediately grins like a fool, jensen then leads misha into their kick step, they perfectly synchronise and let loose, and are then very clearly having the time of their lives, hanging off of each other with joy and ease. from their expressions alone i can tell that this moment is so. so. so. so! much more than what initially meets the eye. i mean-misha is fighting back the biggest smile i've ever seen. to me, it reads like jensen is offering something to misha, something that misha kind of gave up on expecting, and him offering his arm like that is like, a surprise to him in the best possible way(and it's so not platonic, let me just say that.) as soon as jensen did that, it ushered in a new era of cockles. this panel is jensen and misha's favourite for a reason, and i think this moment is the biggest clue as to why.

whew!!! ok. that took a lot out of me and that was only point one. moving on,

number two: top cockles blooper moment

cockles bloopers hold an extremely special place in my heart, because it shows just how fucking disastrous jensen and misha are. they are so goddamn infatuated with each other that they HOLD UP PRODUCTION ALL THE TIME TO FLIRT WITH EACH OTHER(???). let me repeat. let it sink in. jensen ackles; arguably one of the most professional actors on that show who puts everything he has into each scene, with mountains and mountains of notes to prove it: would rather hold up production to flirt with misha collins. this sounds fake. it's not. he does it. all. the. time. and here's the thing guys!!! i'm gonna let you in on a secret!!! misha loves it. he loveesssss it. on top of that-misha collins: overlooked because he's pranked and people assume he's unprofessional as well, but his only pranks are in retaliation/off-set, and he rarely if EVER causes problems if he can help it....lets himself get carried away when it comes to jensen making kissy faces at him!!! are you actually kidding me!!! i mean. misha. it's just a face. you've seen it a million times. i don't buy that it triggers something in you that strongly....you like it, and you like jensen's reaction. you can't fool me!!! lisa berry's face in that one gifset shows just how fed up the crew is with their gross, coupley boyfriend antics.

i could pull up so many examples. sooooooo many. but my favourite was sealed since the moment i saw it.

i actually already wrote an analysis on it but i can't find it :(((( which SUCKS because i really unpacked the whole thing. i'll try to summarise.

basically, a backstory is part of this too!!! jensen and misha both had a really really hard time with this scene(because it's explicitly romantic there i said it), they sat down for hours and poured over their scripts together, they were super super nervous going into filming, both of them, jensen especially, were super hard on themselves for their performances not being true to their characters but they both complimented the other's work(boyfriend moments fr). so, yeah. they weren't confident going into shooting. and how do they get themselves to feel better???? by cuddling each other, apparently.

a lot. a LOT. happens in this specific blooper. to the point that i saw it years before i knew about cockles and it raised all sorts of flags for me.

1) stop pulling my face towards your crotch(as a thinly veiled request that misha would, in fact, move jensen's face towards his crotch, considering it was jensen moving himself there in the first place. also, why so comfy down there guys???) 2) you're my baby daddy i know(in the most intimate voice i've ever heard please) 3) i know, i know, i love you too i didn't say i love you i know but you wanted to say it etc. misha's right, of course. that's what jensen meant.

it just reeks of comfort, familiarity and intimacy between the two, and it's a moment that is extremely sweet and silly at the same time. they're so <3

number three: top cockles found footage moment

WONDERFUL category. truly the culmination of the cockles experience. many people have said that shipping cockles doesn't work because 'they're just onstage you dummies!! they're playing it up for the audience!!!' here's the thing, love. i could not disagree with you more. once you climb your way up the cockles ladder, you soon learn that they are, in fact, playing their dynamic DOWN, not up. they really are just Like That™, and they could not care less about the paying audience, if we're being honest, considering how much time they take to giggle with each other and refuse to let the audience in on the joke. and i love them for it <3

anyway, my point is that this category is for all you naysayers out there, all you 'jensen and misha's relationship is just for show and is real life queerbaiting'(?????lordhelp???) oh yeah? ok, explain this.

he. he. he calls jensen sweetheart. literally enough said. there's nothing to really add here, except, misha and jared then immediately engage in damage control. jared's method is distraction and misha's is retconning('get out of the car, dude') this was what got me to buy into the cockles dumpster for GOOD good. you don't call your buddy sweetheart accidentally and sound so completely earnest while doing it! especially not when that buddy is jensen ackles!!! you think he would let any of his friends call him that? do you?

one more thing; if it was a slip of the tongue, little mouth thing or whatever, you think jared wouldn't have jumped on it immediately??? i can hear it now. 'did you just call him SWEETHEART???' yeah. that's what i thought. you know why he didn't? because it was too revealing.

number four: top cockles autograph moment

i mean, i think we all know what it's gonna be, and if you don't, well, do i have the piece de cockles resistance that is gonna send you over the edge.

if you haven't heard of this story by now, as a cockles, truther, i'm gonna go ahead and get you to read it, because there is no possible heterosexual explanation for any of it, and you're fooling yourself if you think otherwise.

spoiler alert: it's the story where phones weren't allowed in an auto session, jensen nuzzles himself in misha's hair, leans his full body weight onto him, holds his hand, etc. etc. i'm imploding just repeating this back, actually. also, just, the sheer amount of stories from photo ops where they tackle hug each other or slap each other's asses or sing romantic songs to each other or almost kiss is, frankly, a lot. if i could wish for anything, it would be to witness them in person.

and finally,

number five: top cockles social media moment

this one is super difficult, because there's obviously a lot to choose from. but you know what? full send, i'm going with this one:

i just. what to say about this. how often do misha and jensen watch sunsets together for it to qualify as ‘always’ ??? why are sunsets synonymous with their relationship??? that’s like??? a very romantic thing????? ‘this guy’??? the fact that it’s a CANDID??? i don’t know guys.

that could have been better but i am TIRED so. there you go rose ily

#cockles #cockles ask #liz answers #i really just. spend hours. writing about misha and his boyfriend. #why. why do i. do that #long post for ts

[echos-newlegs]

Alright so this is a little different from what I have been doing, but it has been on my MIND. I swear I am working on requests too, writing a spicy Tech fic rn.

But anyways.

Due to this post by @spaceydragons I have come up with a series of headcanons for my beloved Echo, but as a country boy because as a country-ish girl myself I love them. (Was fr late to work the other day because of a farmer and his flock of geese on the road and had to help him chase them back into their pin. It had just rained so they were running to the ditch when he didn't get the gate shut all the way 😭)

But enough stories, have this series of headcanons because I feel no one would like a story over it LMAO

If you want me to do a differentcharacter for this au, just shoot me a message, ask, or a comment!! I have ideas for the rest of TBB and some other clone boys and even some Generals 😌

Sorry this is LONG

Echo would be the type that would take you out fishing your first date.

He is a bit shy and awkward, but fishing is something that doesn't need a lot of talking, but you can.

It is something that is peaceful and relaxing, plus he can help you if need be.

Or you can even help him.

I feel like he would absolutely love hunting with you too!

Not hunting with guns, but hunting for different herbs or foods.

He wouldn't be opposed to hunting animals, but it isn't always his cup of tea.

I headcanon that maybe he and all the rest of TBB were in a war, but they made it out.

Echo lost his arm and legs to it.

Which fives told you when you first met them. "Yep, the war cost my buddy an arm and TWO legs."

Echo was not amused and wanted to beat up Fives for embarrassing him in front of a pretty lady.

He is very insecure about his prosthetics at first, but after you assure him that you think they're unique and what makes him, him. He thinks he absolutely wants to die for you.

Plus you admire the fact that he can still do the things he loves even with a fake arm. Which he doesn't always put on around you after you reassure him a few times that it's fine.

He would definitely brag you up if you caught a big ass fish.

"Oh, you caught that? That ain't NOTHIN' compared to what my girl caught down at the lake the other night. 'Bout the size of her arm!"

This may be me being biased, but he would love night fishing too.

He would put his pole up sometimes just to hold you in his lap while you let your line set in the water.

Just admiring the feel of you pressed against his chest and the way the moon light reflected off your features.

He would also love sleeping with you in a hammock.

Unless it's hotter than all get out.

Then he'd stick to two separate hammocks while the two of you talked and slowly dozed off for an afternoon nap.

He also seems like the gardener of the group along with Wrecker.

He would have a mad green thumb with his gentle giant brother.

Though Wrecker would prefer the flowers, while Echo would be more for the fruits and veggies.

Echo would be in close contact with the 501st still, as well.

Taking you over to meet his other brothers. Meet their families and friends as well.

You and Fives would click with the 501st just as well as you do the Bad Batch, and Echo would love you even more for it.

Tbh in this hc I feel TBB would be more the hillbillies and the other clone units. Especially the 501st would be the farming/rancher types.

So Echo would have traits from both.

He would take you for a ride in the tractor, too 😏

He would let you feed the animals and play with the dogs.

Rex would absolutely love you as well. For the fact you're so nice to them and help them out even when Echo isn't around, AND the fact that you are taking care of his brother.

"I haven't seen him this happy since I upped his and Fives' rank."

You would feel absolutely amazing about yourself.

Until Hardcase and Jesse demanded you cook them all a meal.

To which you would, but you'd deep down hate it only for the fact they could all eat a fucking horse, each.

You would be cooking most the night when all the boys got together.

Echo would help out, along with some of his other brothers you trusted in the kitchen.

Like Kix, Tup, and especially Fives.

No one knew how Fives was such a damned good cook, but he was.

Echo would watch you braid Tups hair and make a mental not to let his hair grow out longer.

He loves it when you run your fingers over his shorter hair, but the way Tup seemed to be nearly falling asleep against your thing as he sat on the floor in between your legs while you sat in the chair and braided his hair? He knew he'd love it.

So this actually happened to my uncle 💀. But I feel like Echo would lose his prosthetics as least once. Say he has an old truck, but he loves it? Yeah there's a hole in the floor and "PULL OVER THERE GOES MY FUCKING LEG-" "AGAIN?? ECHO-"

Okay, okay. But imagine- you, Echo, and TBB all going for drives to the lake???

I feel like everyone but Echo and Crosshair would fully submerge themselves underwater on hot days.

Cross seems like he wouldn't enjoy it much. Maybe a little? But I deadass feel like he can't swim.

This may be me projecting my own fears onto Echo(I do that sometimes.) But I really feel like he would be scared of deep waters. Even before he lost his limbs.

He only sits near the water and occasionally goes in with you, but you have to be right next to him at all times while holding his hand

Plus he won't let it go past his mid calve.

Echo would most definitely make you stuff too!

You want a new coffee table?

Bam, him and Tech made you a new one.

It's your anniversary?

Well lookie there, you have a necklace he made just for you!

He would also spoil you.

Even if he doesn't have the most money, he would do little things that meant the world to you.

OKAY OKAY- BUT PROPER DATE NIGHTS-

THey would be little picnics outdoors on a blanket with you favorite sandwiches and drink 🥺🥺

He would wear a buttoned up flannel and blue jeans with cowboy boots because they are easy to slip over his prosthetics.

You unbutton his flannel to find nothing underneath 😏

Oh, and I do feel he would have scarring from the explosion. Which I always hc him with.

He would also have a mega bad farmers tan, because same.

He'd melt each time you trace his scars and nearly malfunction when you kiss them 😩

In conclusion, he would be the best country boyfriend.

#country boy i love you #clone wars echo #arc trooper fives #arc trooper echo x reader #arc trooper echo #the bad batch #the bad batch echo #echo x reader #please help this au is overtaking my thought process #captain rex #arc trooper jesse #clone trooper tup #clone trooper dogma #clone trooper x reader #bad batch #bad batch tech #bad batch echo #bad batch hunter #bad batch wrecker #bad batch crosshair #bad batch x reader

[writingsfromhome]

Water under the Bridge (Josslyn II)

A/N: Okay! Here it is!!!! This was fun and made my heart hurt a little but maybe I’m just being emotional. And can you guys believe it’s been over a year since I posted Josslyn?? Where has the time gone?? I don’t think we’re on the sacred timeline anymore........Anyway thank you anon who suggested this storyline, and hope y’all enjoy! <3

Josslyn (Original)

------

We’re going to have the best weekends evr, Regan texts me even though she’s just in the other room. Schedules were released for our summer semester and Regan and I had managed to get Fridays off. Summer was going to be so fun, and after two years doing college together we were experts at managing our workload to have fun on the weekends--even if that meant sacrificing a few nights’ sleep.

We’ll make summer our bitch, I text back. I hear a chuckle from her room.

Help me pick out a fit? she texts. I want to tell her Adam would love her in whatever, but I head to her room instead and watch her try on a dozen outfits before settling on the second. I tease her about Adam--they were going steady since first year, but she still got so nervous about him sometimes. Adam’s college was a train ride away so he would come down at least one weekend a month.

As for my own love life, there’d been no one steady. I did the whole hooking up and dating scene in first year but I was romantically burnt out by second. Nowadays, I could go home with someone if I chose to, but I also didn’t mind if I didn’t. My active endeavor to find a boyfriend had stopped when I realized I was trying to fill a gap. Instead, I was learning to be happy on my own.

“Are you sure I can’t convince you?” Regan asks. She was taking the train to Adam’s college and staying with him, there was this big start-of-summer party and she’d been trying to convince me for weeks.

“I don’t feel like being a third wheel,” I tell her honestly.

“You don’t have to!” She goes over her one argument again. “Gaelle’s roommate isn’t even back until next week so she has a spare room! She said you should come. Plus,” she ties her hair up, “it’s the weekend before the semester starts so have some fun.”

I make a noise, and she turns to look at me, totally judging me. It makes me laugh. “That’s why my version of fun is to.binge Netflix and-”

“Y/N!” She groans.

“Fine! I’ll go.”

Two words that would change everything.

***

By the time we get to the campus, Regan and I had come up with a dozen things we could potentially do this summer. I’m high on excitement as we meet up with Gaelle, and the three of us head to Adam’s place.

The sun is almost set by the time we leave, most of the sky is dark but a streak of orange stays stubbornly on the horizon. I pause to take pictures before we’re rushing off.

We approach the frat house--if you could call it that. It was half glass with a very modern structure. The greek symbol on the side of the house was the only indicator it wasn’t a millionaire’s summer-house.

“Since when did frat houses get so modern?” I ask. “This is...nice.”

“Wait ‘til you see inside,” Adam says. And he was right, even the drinks were fancier with their own guy behind the bar...although he was taking the occasional shot and getting progressively drunk.

We settle in an area close to the music and get swept up into the party atmosphere. Some people were beyond drunk already and I enjoyed the slight buzz of the drink in my hand. The views from inside with floor-to-ceiling windows were amazing.

Pretty soon, Adam and Regan break off. We move towards the centre of the party where the typical party shenanigans were happening. We tip back our drinks and pretty soon I’m straddling the line between tipsy and drunk. I find a cute boy with blonde hair and deep brown eyes and makeout with him until he gets too handsy.

“Ugh!” I give him one last shove and look for Gaelle but I’d lost her too. I search for a bathroom but they’re either occupied or have a lineup. This was a huge ass house, one of the bedrooms had to have one.

I open the first door to shouting.

“It’s called locking the door!” I shout drunkenly as I close it. The next room actually is locked, and the next one isn’t but I wish it was. “Eugh.”

I climb up to the topmost level, three doors--one was locked with the sound of people inside and the second is a bathroom. I was grateful people hadn’t made it up this far.

As I wash up, and touch up the mascara that was crusting under my eyes the door shakes as someone bangs on it from the other side.

“Dip! What the fuck are you doing in there? Everyone’s waiting for you!”

My heart pounds at the sudden noise and the deep voice demanding me to open up. The rush of adrenaline sobers me for a moment as I rush to open the door, “Sorry I didn’t realise anyone was...waiting.”

My words slow down and freeze altogether as I realise the fist banging on the door belonged to...him. Harry. He seems just as surprised as me, straightening up before a smile slowly inches across his face, it was almost sweet bordering on predatory. “Y/N!”

“Hi,” I say awkwardly. There was a lot of history and also not at all. I was also, I decide, too drunk for this. Act sober, this is not the night to run into this fucker.

“You-you’re the last person I was expecting to--excuse me it’s... good to see you! You look--you look as beautiful as ever!”

The events from high school that created this tense history between Harry and I was one of the worst things possible to happen to teenage Y/N. The thing is though, that I’d totally bounced back after I had decided he could fuck himself. Although it was awkward seeing him every day until graduation, it made me tougher. I credit it for making me so casual about relationships now...I stopped expecting so much of the boys I saw.

But leaving high school behind, my world expanded with college, I realised how childish it had all been: I’d had a fling with a player, and he’d played the field...It wasn’t that deep. But seeing him now, It made me aware in a way I wasn’t for a long time. Maybe what they said about distance had some merit. Or maybe I was just buzzed.

“Thanks...I wasn’t expecting you either.”

“You don’t uh, you don’t go here do you? I’ve never seen you around.”

“No,” I look out to the small hall but there’s no one there. The room that was previously locked is slightly ajar carrying male voices. “Adam goes here, I’m...with Regan.”

“Ah, Regan.” He smiles. “You’re still two peas in a pod?”

“Obviously,” The stiffness eases at the mention of my best friend. “So...can I get out of here?”

“Yeah sorry,” he moves aside so I can step into the hall. “Um, we’re playing video games in here room if you...you’re probably not interested.”

I clear my throat, Harry was playing video games when there was a party downstairs? I was curious, that maybe he changed.

“Oh,” he laughs and the dimples I adored make an appearance. “I’ve still got it! My frat just hosts too many parties for me to keep track.”

I guess I said that out loud, I bite my tongue but it really has a life of it’s own. “Did you jussay you still got it?” Oh my god, I was teasing him already. What about Harry made me absolute putty.

“Yeah,” he looks almost bashful. “Uhm, go easy I’m a little nervous here Y/N.”

I don’t know what to say to that, I bite my lip so nothing stupid comes out.

“So you’re just here for the night?” He carries on.

“Staying over with a friend,”

“A fr-” he cuts himself off, pressing his lips together. I realize I’m staring and look away.

“I should go-”

“Wait I-wait uh, how have you been? I haven’t seen you in years.”

“Yea,” I play with the rings on my fingers. “M’good, great. College’s a lot better than high school.”

“It’s not even comparable,” Harry says as he leans his shoulder against the wall. He looks perfectly placed there, and a tipsy voice flashes inappropriate thoughts into my head. “So...any...boyfriends?”

“Um,” that was direct. “No. No, I’m trying out being single...”

“Did something happen?” His expression is still casual but he holds himself rigid.

“No? A girl can’t be single?”

“Sure but someone like you...I’m just surprised.”

“Whatever that means,” I roll my eyes and head past him to go down but he blocks my way.

“Wait, I didn’t mean to offend you...” his voice dies out as I cross my arms. “I also didn’t mean to block you in.”

He steps aside and it feels painful to me but I take the small steps towards the staircase. One part of me--I blame the tipsy stupid part, wants to kiss him just to see if there was still something there, see if anything’s changed. The other was listing all the reasons this was an awful idea, to top it off he was a proven player, has broken my trust once before, and went to a school almost 2 hours from mine.

“Y/N,” Harry’s gruff voice says from behind me. My feet turn without permission and he’s right behind me. “M’sorry. Let me start over.”

I glance at his lips, damn. I can’t meet his eye suddenly. Oh god, I was still pretty tipsy. My mind short-circuits and all I can do is turn back to walk away, down the two sets of stairs, past sweaty bodies and loose limbs. In a great coincidence I bump into Gaelle in what looks like a game room.

“Harry goes here?” I ask--shout at her immediately. Her eyes widen, something passes over her face. “Was no one going to tell me he was going to be here?”

“I’m sorry!” She shouts. “I forgot you two had history!”

“I just wish I was prepared,” I say and she doesn’t hear, I just shake my head when she asks me to repeat. I needed another drink, and Regan. Maybe she could remind me why I stopped caring about him.

As I set off to find her, I’m reminded again how stupid this all was. High school was an ancient dream, we were all different people. I was a different person.

But even though what happened in high school was petty and juvenile, I remember how Harry made me feel. How it felt when we were together--even if it was a joke for him back then, I couldn’t forget the feeling of being seen. Of having arms to fall into, even if I knew they weren’t permanent.

“Regan!” I find her sitting on the dining table while Adam spoke with someone else. Her eyes alight and she waves me over. “I saw him! He...he goes here!”

“Who?” Confusion strings her brows together.

“Harry! From...you know Harry! He was upstairs! I--I didn’t know how to act.”

“Shit Harry! I forgot he went here!”

“You knew?” I throw my hands up.

“I didn’t think it was a big deal! He’s a dick but that was high school?”

“No I-” I sigh. “You’re supposed to tell me he’s still a dick! I saw him and it just got...complicated.”

Regan slides off the table and pulls me into a side hug, we can also hear each other better. “You’re a big kid now, do whatever you want Y/N. Tell him off, kiss his face, take revenge, who the fuck cares? We’re taking the train two hours home after this anyway!”

She had a point. But still...he couldn’t have changed much from the boy who hurt me.

“Adam hangs out with him sometimes,” Regan continues. “Apparently he’s not as bad as high school. He’s...mellowed out.”

“Unreal,” I roll my eyes. Adam was just covering for his friend. We hear a cheer go up behind us and Regan bulges her eyes as two guys help Adam up on his hands to do a keg stand.

Regan swears and heads back to him. I walk away, somehow feeling more and less confused after talking to Regan--do I go back up and see what this leftover emotion was, or ignore it as a drunken need for comfort?

But it’s like the decision is made for me when a hand wraps around my arm as I move from the dining area to the kitchen. I already know it’s him before I turn.

“Can we talk?” he asks. I nod and his grip loosens, slipping down into my palm. “Upstairs?” He motions to the staircase and we climb up the two flights. This time he leads me into one of the locked doors and although I’ve never been here, I’d been in some version of this room before. It’s familiar.

I ignore the ache when he lets go of my hand once we’re inside. I set my drink down on his desk and perch on the window ledge, it’s not big enough to sit on but has enough space for a few of his books and a speaker. His room’s pretty near, but then again Harry was never messy.

“So what do you want-” I start just as he says “Let me get this off my chest.”

“Go ahead,” I cross my arms before uncrossing them, and then crossing them again. With the way he ruffles his hair and crosses to the door and back, he seems just as nervous.

“You can leave at any time. I just want to say I was an asshole, I still kind of am sometimes. And I’m sorry for what I did to you. I know it’s like what--2 years late but all that with...Josslyn and all that...I’m sorry.”

Hearing her name makes me want to grind my teeth but I let the feeling pass. I reach for my drink instead to give me something to do. “It’s all water under the bridge.”

“Really?” Harry regards me suspiciously. “Because the way you were talking to me out there...”

“You’re just you,” I shrug. “Harry Styles, player and sweet-talker. I was just guarding myself against that.”

“Because of what happened between us?”

“No...maybe. I don’t know. But honestly, I’m not upset with you. It feels like an eternity ago. I guess it’s just self-preservation.”

“I guess,” he echoes. “So where does that leave us? If you’re all self-preserved?”

I eye him but he cracks a smile, he was teasing me. “It doesn’t have to leave us anywhere,” I snort. “We’re water under the bridge Harry...”

“My parents split,” he says suddenly and I’m reeling with the direction he’s taken. I open my mouth, and close it when nothing comes out. “Sorry, I know that’s random it’s just I never really talked to anyone about how they were rarely home and when they were they were always arguing a-and we spoke about it a lot. About our families so I just...”

“I’m sorry to hear that, do they still live in town?” I ask, wanting to put my hand on his or show him I cared but they stay glued to my drink.

“My mom moved into the city, it’s closer to her job and since I’m not living at home anymore it doesn’t really matter...”

“You still go home?” I ask.

“I don’t even know where home is?” He looks at me then, and the look in his eyes chips at the wall I’d been trying to build all night. Things had changed, for him.

“Are you--do you have someone to talk to?”

His laugh is dry, “They split last summer, convinced me to talk to some therapist. I don’t know if it really helped I think I’m actually better off. They’re better off and I just feel...free.”

I don’t know what to say to that so I stay quiet. He looks back up at me then, cracks his knuckles, before perching on his bed. “I’m just--sorry I’m not telling you that so you can feel sorry for me-”

“I don’t I just-”

“No it’s okay I just want to tell you that because you knew about that stuff. But I’m trying to tell you I’m not the same guy. Not completely, I’m just trying to tell you things changed and so have I.”

It echoes the same sentiment I had earlier in his conversation, and I remember Regan said he’s mellowed out. Maybe it was true. It still didn’t mean I was going to get together with him anytime soon but my heart hurts for him. I walk up to where he sits, he watches me with a steady gaze.

In the quiet, I hear the party going on outside the window, three floors below us. If I listen really carefully, I can hear sounds coming from the video game being played next door. In the stillness, I reach for Harry’s hand and he obliges, grasping mine.

“I wish I could...help you with the hurt. Not knowing where to call home is pretty shitty.”

“Don’t worry about me Y/N,” he pastes on his classic smile and I return one for his sake. It was getting heavy in here. “I’m just happy I got to talk to you. And I just found out you don’t hate me so...” he holds our intertwined hands and shakes it. “woo hoo!” I laugh as we let go.

“I guess I should go back to the party.”

“Yeah, okay. I won’t keep you.”

“Okay,” I’m a little stung he doesn’t suggest I stay a little longer. Maybe it was all in my head, maybe his intentions really were to make amends and that’s it. I pick my drink up from his windowsill and move to the door. I glance back before I go, he’s laying on his bed deep in thought, gazing up at the ceiling. I close the door behind me.

***

I wake the next morning, surprisingly well. I can’t say the same for Gaelle who’d passed me her keys at some point and told me she’d be home late. I spent the rest of the party trailing Regan until I decided I should just go crash. Harry hadn’t come out to find me, and I tried to hide the sour feeling, excusing myself early.

“Fuck me,” Gaelle croaks from her bed when I step into her open doorway.

“How about coffee, and pancakes?” I ask, returning the favor of being able to sleep here.

“I’ll take it,” she flops back into bed. I busy myself with measuring coffee and water, my thoughts occupied with everything Harry and I had been through since we last saw each other. I demonized him for so long, humanizing him is harder to swallow.

What he’d done to me was shitty, there was no denying. But had he really changed? And most importantly, why did I care so much? It’s not like he was the one.

My phone rings: Regan. She’s talking so fast I hardly hear her, only really understand that it was a party ritual to gather in the student centre the morning after a big party. Endless coffee and free food seemed to be the general consensus for a party cure.

“I don’t know if I can make it there,” Gaelle says when I tell her. “I was hoping for pancakes at home.”

“I already put the coffee on but I’m hauling your ass there if you’re not up in 5. Our train leaves after noon anyway and it’s closer to the college.”

Slowly but surely Gaelle emerges and we make our way, spotting Regan easily as the bright spot in a sea of college students in PJs and last night’s clothing. She’s the only one fully dressed, with a full face of makeup on.

“I didn’t drink that much,” she shrugs when we settle around her and Adam’s friends. “Unlike some people.” She looks pointedly at Adam who’s slumped where he sits. I remember the kegger and laugh.

Life soon flows back into the group around us as does the coffee and breakfast foods. I’m relaxed in the environment until I look down the tables to where Harry stands, looking back at me. He raises a hand and I do the same until an extremely tall angel--she was literally wearing a halo, probably from last night-walks up to him and wraps her hands around his waist. She says something to him and he tears his gaze away.

I look down at my cup immediately, my cheeks burning with humiliation. I’d been thinking about him all this time, thinking about how it might feel if I kissed him and of course he had a girlfriend. She never came up, but he never said he didn’t either. He didn’t make any moves on me yesterday, if I looked at it he only made an attempt to talk. Sure he was flirty but that was just Harry and I...I was a fool. I was such a fool. Things may have changed for him but he hadn’t. He was still the same Harry who chose Josslyn over me. He would always have a girlfriend, I was just the girl from his past who he could trust. I couldn’t say the same about him.

“What’s wrong,” my best friend nudges me. “Are you feeling okay?”

“I don’t know,” I look into her concerned eyes. “I’m just going to--I’ll be right back.”

I head out and find the closest washroom. The tears are instant and I let myself cry--out of frustration, humiliation, or some twisted sense of betrayal...it was all the same for me. I check the time, I just had to hold myself together and avoid Harry for another 2 hours before we were back on the train home. I would tell Regan everything then.

*** Three weeks later ***

“If Adam’s over later...” Regan trails off. She’s sprawled on my bed while I sit in my desk chair trying to read one more chapter before I close the books for the week.

“I have my earplugs ready and a second place to stay,” I roll my eyes. “I already told Kiara I might crash on her couch.”

“I owe you,” she jumps back up.

“You owe me like, 7 and a half.”

“7 and a half?”

I’m about to answer but a knock on our door has her racing out. I try to ignore the voices, I just had two more pages I had to get through--the joy of summer classes.

“Y/N?: Regan’s voice is a whisper. “We’re going now but...you have a guest. If you want me to kick his ass I totally can though.”

Standing behind her is Harry. I focus on him, yes it really was him. Why was he here?

“Harry?” I sound confused because I am. He’s wearing a plain white t-shirt and jeans, and he’d traveled 2 hours just to get here.

“He wouldn’t leave me alone,” Adam says louder as they leave the room. “I’m sorry Y/N...”

“What is this?” I ask. My feelings are at war with each other, I was still feeling slighted by the last time we saw each other but seeing his face was also an exciting surprise.

“I wanted to see you,” Harry says nervously. He still stays at my bedroom door.

“You can come in...” I stand up and realize I was wearing an oversize t-shirt and the scruffiest PJ shorts I owned. “Phones have cameras now, you didn’t have to come all this way.”

He shrugs, taking one step in. “I liked seeing you in person last time. But I feel like we left it wrong.”

He knows I saw him, what conclusions I must have come to. It wouldn’t be that hard. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. We talked it out.”

He comes to life, “Don’t play dumb Y/N I know you saw me with...I know what you thought and-”

“Did you really come all this way to explain that you had a girlfriend? Like, three weeks later?”

“No that’s the thing-”

“Because that’s kind of dumb. And unnecessary-”

“No listen!” He says a bit louder so I do. “The thing is she wasn’t my girlfriend...we’d hung out a few times but she saw me at the caf and got clingy. We’re not an item honestly, I can’t remember the last time I had a girlfriend-.”

“So why are you here?” My voice is higher than usual. I was confused, and upset, and I wanted him to leave. This was starting to sound like Josslyn part 2.

“You know why I’m here. Y/N I’ve been nothing but a dick to you and I know I don’t deserve you but I really like you. I want to clear the air, and ask you if you can see something here I...”

He trails off when he notices the tears trailing down my cheek. It’s just too much for me, as I finally face the emotions from that weekend. I’d shoved them aside after Regan had gotten onto the train worried her and Adam were headed towards a breakup. I’d put aside what happened and never thought about it. But my heart broke a little that morning. 

I knew what I knew: maybe Harry and I weren’t good for each other but we were good with each other. In an attempt not to get hurt I’ve been distancing myself from romantic connections--I found more of myself in doing this, but a part of me was missing without exploring it.

Harry moved closer until we’re nearly touching. I wipe my tears with my shoulder and we stand still on the hardwood floors of my room. An eternity passes before he reaches out to wipe the tear caught in my lashes. I close my eyes to his touch, scared of how much I wanted it.

“Y/N,” my name is a breath on his lips and it makes my heart stutter. My eyes open in slow motion, seeing him so vulnerable right in front of me, and suddenly things speed up and we’re reaching for each other; two waves crashing until they become one.

***

I don’t know how much time had passed in minutes, Adam and Regan are still out but Harry and I had fallen together and crashed apart so many times that I’m dizzy with it.

“You’re wonderful,” he says as we face each other, our noses just nearly touching. He trails a finger down my cheek. “Just...incredible.”

I feel the flush spread through me, “Great vocab Styles. We’re really using the big words.”

“Words are sort of hard right now,” he grins. “My brain’s all mush.”

I laugh, “Not much different to its usual state!”

“I knew you were going to say that!” he tries to reach for me but I skip off the bed with a laugh. “Come back.”

“I have to pee,” I slip on pants and can’t stop grinning the whole time I’m away. When I come back in, the blissful smile on his face tells me everything I need to know. I climb over him but he stops me in place, a knee on either side of his hips.

“I’m happiest when I’m with you Y/N,” he says, his voice roughened with emotion. “I think I always was. Younger Harry liked to self-sabotage.”

I bend down and my hair slips around us. The way he looks at me makes my insides mush. And even though I have proof of why I shouldn’t trust him, he’s here. In my bed. Miles away from where he would be if he hadn’t traveled all this way to see me. And that means something.

“I’m glad you’ve done some growing,” I say to him quietly.

“I had to,” he says softly. “I couldn’t have you like I do now if I hadn’t.”

“I guess we’ve both grown,” I brush a curl from his forehead.

“I know, old Y/N would have punched me if I showed up unexpectedly.”

“Rightly so,” I grin. He smiles back, brushing my hair behind my ear, back over my shoulder. He props himself on his elbow to kiss the shoulder he’d bared. It’s simple, and sweet, but it’s enough to unravel me all over again. And he knows it.

“When does Regan get home?”

“We might have another half hour,” I grin.

“Let’s not waste it,” he mumbles into my skin.

I agree.

#harry styles #harry styles fanfic #harry styles x reader #series #harry styles series #harry styles fic #harry styles angst #harry styles fluff #harry styles imagine #writingsfromhome #college!harry #I think the idea of growing separately as a young adult #and coming together again as more mature versions of yourself is what #gets me #or maybe I'm emotional because I'm a year older soon #and it's got me thinking about being in your 20s #either way hope this is enjoyable #tag talk out #ps dont mind any inconsistencies i wrote this quick

[yoonguurt]

And What Would You Like?

Pairing: Jooheon x reader

Genre: fluff, smut

Warnings: thigh riding, penetrative sex, protected sex (this is the right way)

You glance at your glass self staring back at you from the mirror, looking as pleased as you felt. Your eyes scan over your reflection in all its ridiculous glory, and you let out a scoff. The woman in front of you is clad in, in your opinion, the most hideous outfit known to man. Your torso is covered in a darker green shirt with oversized golden buttons, the sleeves sliced in a way that reminds you of shark teeth, and that thought kind of makes you feel slightly better. Your leggings are probably the most comfortable leggings you’ve ever worn, but the red and white stripes printed on them make you feel like a walking candy cane. You hate candy canes. You think the shoes might actually be the worst part of this outfit, they fit fine but look far too big for your feet and the same ugly green as your shirt. They have little bells on them that jingle every time you move and the sound of bells haunts your nightmares now. Then there’s the hat. That fucking hat. No, that is definitely the worst part. It’s floppy and red and just pure uncomfortable. It itches and has a weird smell no matter how many times you wash it, and in true Christmas spirit, another damn bell.

You don’t hate your job, but you aren’t sure why you came back. The pay is ok at best, the customers can be a bit assy,  but you do have your coworkers. You say coworkers, but you know you’re only thinking of one in particular. Your mind flashes an image of the cutest dimples and you know that’s the main reason you came back for a second season as one of Santa’s elves. You sigh and grab your keys and trudge out the door. Pulling into your usual spot in the mall parking lot, you feel the urge to turn your car back on and head right back home. The urge only double as you look into the mirror in your sun visor and see that stupid hat again. Your hand flies to your keys that are still in the ignition, ready to turn it and speed out of there. Your hand only has to move just a small amount and your car is ready to go, but before you make that move, you were the sweetest laugh from somewhere in your memory. You hate that just the phantom laugh has the power to make your heart flip and causes your hand to move from the keys. 

Walking through the mall doors immediately makes you want to turn around. Despite the early hour, the speakers are blaring Christmas music, and though you know why, it annoys you. The murmur of constant talking adds to your already forming headache. You can see the line already beginning to form and you already know that you won’t be getting out of here till late. You weave through the small crowd gathering near the corner of the mall where everything had been set up, rounding the corner only to pause in a bit of surprise. Everything is vastly different this year. Last year had been the first year this particular company had set up a Santa area in a mall so everything was pretty, for lack of a better word, crappy. You remember the short, raggedy green carpet that had been set up for people to line up on. It had definitely seen better days, the edges had long started to fray. The carpet let up to a single chair, that always looked like it was one ass away from collapsing. 

The difference today is striking. The green carpet had been replaced, it was still kind of stiff as if this was the first time it was being used. The shitty chair had been replaced by, well many things. The flashy new carpet led to a very large platform with stairs on either side of it. On top sat a very different chair than before. This one looked like no one had ever sat in it, it was very ornate with carvings painted in gold on the top and sides. Directly in front of the chair was a slide. You thought that part was pretty neat, a little bit of an extra reward for having to wait in such long lines.  You walk forward, slightly turning your body every now and then to keep from running into people. You greet the twins, Ella and Emma, as you pass, assuming they’re going to be the second group of partners with you this year. They each give you a wave as they stay in place at the bottom of each set of stairs, which means you’ll be at the top. As soon as you reach the top of the platform, you’re met with the sound of jingling bells. You immediately turn your back to the direction of sound, biting back a smile that really wants your face to split in a wide grin. You do your best to seem like you’re busy doing something as the sound of bells continues behind you. It doesn’t take long for the noise to stop, a whiney sound replacing the jingles. You slowly turn around to see the cutest pout you have ever seen. “ Aw come on. You know I hate when you ignore me!” The sentence was drawn out as the man before had let it out in a whine. “I know you do, Jooheon. That’s why I do it.” You laughed as you replied, knowing it would only cause him to pout at you more even though you meant nothing by it. He gives you a playful shove, pout intensifying before his face shifts into mock anger. Your playful session with Jooheon comes to an abrupt halt as a man dressed in a Santa suit walks up from a third set of stairs hidden behind the platform. You give your partner a quick huff of a laugh and shake your head as you make your way to the right side staircase and motion for the first child in line to start climbing the stairs. 

You can’t even count how many children you had ushered from the stairs to Santa. Your shift was longer than you remembered and your stomach has been reminding you that you needed food for hours no. It had been a very busy opening day and there just hadn’t been enough time for you to grab something to eat on your almost nonexistent break. You had just enough time to rush to the restroom on the other side of the mall and then rush back. You really can’t wait to get home and take a shower and get some sleep before you have to do it all again the next. Grabbing a broom, you help sweep and clean up the village area, all four of you working together to get it done quickly. Finishing your part of cleaning didn’t take long at all so you put your supplies away and wished everyone a quick goodnight and head to the mall entrance. Just as you push through the doors of the mall, you hear someone calling your name from behind you. You turn to see Jooheon jogging to catch up with you and you chuckle a little as you pause and wait for him. Your chuckle turns into more of a giggle when he stops in front you, hands on his knees. You can tell that he is only slightly out of breath and his posture is just an exaggeration. He jerks his head up quickly, flashing you that gorgeous smile and you will your cheeks not to blush. “Hey you wanna go get some food from the place up the street? I know we didn’t get much of a break so I thought you might be hungry and I’m already going. Wanna keep me company?” You feel your stomach do a little flip and your mind immediately tells your body to shut up and that he’s just being nice. Realizing you’ve been silent for a moment, you nod your head and start to tell him that you’re totally down for some food, but a rumble from your stomach beats you to it. Jooheon laughs and your demanding hunger grumble and nods his head toward the parking lot. “Come on then, I’ll drive.”

This was very new. You had never spent time with Jooheon outside of work. What do you even talk about? You weren’t the kind of person to get nervous easily, but you were starting to get that nervous feeling. The two of you walked to his car in silence, shoulders just barely brushing. You took a step to the side, not wanting to crowd Jooheon too much, but almost immediately you were brushing his shoulder again. Jooheon sped up slightly to make it to his car before you did, grabbing his passenger door just in time for you to step up to the car. He flashed you that boyish smile as he held the door for you and bowed slightly and made a swiping motion toward his car. The action caused you to let out a loud laugh as you sat in the seat. Once he had closed the door, you watched as he jogged around the front of the car and planted himself in the driver’s seat. He gave you another quick smile as he turned the key and buckled his seatbelt, casting you a glance to make sure you had done the same. “Safety first.” You giggled at his words, rolling your eyes slightly even though you appreciated the gesture. 

“You good with the chicken place up here?” His eyes never left the road as he spoke, voice calm. Once you gave him an affirmative answer, he nodded his head with a quick ‘cool’ as he switched lanes. The car went silent, but it was in no way an uncomfortable silence. To you, it felt like two people that had lived together for a while, two people enjoying each other’s company while still doing their own thing. You let out a small sigh of content, just enjoying the ride. “Everything ok?” This time Jooheon turned his head in your direction briefly, a look of concern on his face. You gave him a small and a nod, telling him that it wasn’t a bad sigh and he smiled back at you. As he turned into the drive, you realized that though you had passed the restaurant, you had never actually stopped here. A flash of panic shot through you, worrying that there wouldn’t like anything here. You quickly talk yourself down, telling yourself that it’s a chicken place and of course chicken tenders are an option. After your almost panic, you feel the car come to a stop as Jooheon pulls into a parking spot. 

“Pick a table, any table.” Jooheon says in his best over the top magician voice. You give him a playful shove, which he returns. His shove is a tad bit harder than you expected and you start to tip backwards. You close your eyes, preparing yourself for a fall, only to feel a pull on your arm. You feel warm breath on your cheeks and you open your eyes to find Jooheon’s face directly in front of yours. You take a moment to admire his lips up close, your breath hitching as you realize that all you had to do was lean slightly and you’d be kissing him. It feels like forever that you two stand in silence before Jooheon finally speaks. “Sorry. I guess I used a little too much force.” His voice is barely above a whisper and you could feel your cheeks starting to burn, glancing up to see that his are tinted pink too. You take a quick step back and quickly place a smile on your face. “Just check your strength next time, Muscles.” You punctuate your sentence with a small huff of a laugh. He quickly follows your laugh with one of his own and a nod as he follows you toward one of the outdoor patio tables. 

After ordering your food, there is a little bit of awkward silence between the two of you and you do your best to think of something to talk about to ease the awkwardness. “So, why a mall elf? Is it the costume?” You have a bit of a smirk playing on your lips as you wait for his answer. “I just really like kids. I know some of them can be a pain, but most of them are pretty well behaved and I really like seeing the way their eyes light up when they finally get to Santa. What about you?” That was in no way what you were expecting and there was no way you could answer that question honestly. There was no way you could tell him that the only reason you came back was because of him.  You didn’t think about the possibility of him asking you the same question. You really should have thought a little longer. “I just really like Christmas is all.” You mentally scold yourself for such a lame answer. It wasn’t like it was a lie, you really did love Christmas time, it was just a ridiculous answer. You watch as he smirks briefly before giving you a nod. “So what do you do during the rest of the year?” His eyes were focused on yours, almost burning through you. It took you a moment to answer, too focused on his chocolate globes. “Something very similar.” You pause to let out a laugh. “I work in my family’s convenience store. You? What does the cheeriest elf around do on a normal day?” He straightens his back a little and his face turns a bit serious. He’s quiet for a moment, letting his professional aura sink in a little more. “Bakery cashier Jooheon at your service.” His straight face immediately breaks, a giant smile plastered across his face. “A friend of mine owns a bakery and I work for him. He lets me off on the days I work at the mall.” Before you could respond, your food was being sat on the table. You quickly grabbed your chicken tenders, not really realizing how hungry you were until food was right in front of you. You heard a chuckle as you began to dig into your food and you suddenly felt embarrassed for shoveling food in your mouth. Your eating slowed as the two of you continued to make small talk, slowly learning more about each other.

The conversation continued well after the both of you were done eating. Jooheon checked his watch and quirked his eyebrows. “We should probably get you back to your car before it gets too late.” He motioned to sever and told her that you were ready to pay. You watched her walk back into the building quickly coming back at and setting a single ticket on the table. “How much do I owe?” Your focus was on your wallet as you flipped through it to get your cash. “Nope. I got it.” You lifted your head, eyes slightly widening to find Jooheon already handing the server her his card. He turns to face you, smile wide and eyes crinkling slightly. You’re slightly in awe at just how beautiful yet boyish he looks. You get an overwhelming feeling of wanting to pinch his cheeks but wanting to kiss him at the same time. You open your mouth to protest, only to be cut off by the server bringing Jooheon’s card back. He thanks her and she grabs the tray of trash and tells the both of you to have a good night. 

The drive back to your car is filled with soft music. The volume isn’t high, straining slightly you do your best to make out the voice. It’s not one you’ve heard before but it somehow sounds familiar. It's a smooth and honeyed sound, every now and then a growling texture making an appearance. The transition from soft vocals to the graveled rapping is seamless, you almost don’t notice the change. It leaves you feeling warm and calm and it’s very easy to get lost in the sound of the voice. You can feel yourself zoning out, trying to focus on the lyrics. You can make out enough to know that  it’s a song about wanting to confess to someone and it resonates with you. You can feel  how desperately the artist wants the object of his affection to know about  his feelings. The song is nearing its end when you finally realize you’re pulling up to your car and you really want to know who the artist is so you can look them up, but you can’t seem to make yourself ask. You both sit silently for a moment before Jooheon’s voice rings out in the air. “Thanks for coming with. See you tomorrow for the ole shift work? You give him a nod. “Thanks for the invite,I had fun.” You reach for the handle, trying not to swing the door too hard. You give him a smile and a small wave as you step out of the car and move to close the door. You hear Jooheon call your name and you pause and lean down a little to look at him. “Get home safe, yeah?” You laugh and agree, telling him to do the same as you close the door. 

You’re beyond grateful at the feeling of the hot water that falls from the shower head. Showers have always been your favorite part of the day, even to the extent of taking more than one on occasion. Most of your showers where the run of the mill get clean showers, but sometimes you would take far longer than you needed. You really liked being able to take your time, sitting down in the bottom of the tub and letting the water just run over your body. You could almost feel the weight of the day being purged from your body. Showers were your way of relaxing, and though this one was no different, you didn’t let it drag on. You were more tired than usual, which probably had something to do with the slight mental strain of being nervous about the hangout/date with Jooheon. Was it a date? You wanted to entertain that thought but you couldn’t allow yourself. Jooheon was just being nice since you two hadn’t had lunch, nothing more. Even though your brain spent energy telling yourself that was all it was, your heart still felt a small flip at the possibility of a date. 

Feeling a slight chill as you step out of the shower, you rush to grab your favorite of black sweats and plain black shirt that is just a tad too big. You quickly dress yourself and rush to put your work clothes in the dryer, flicking your heat on as you pass the thermostat. Your nightly routine didn’t consist of anything too intensive. You washed your face with a simple face wash, followed by an equally simple moisturizer and a brush of your teeth. Due to the cold, you made sure to dry your hair, not wanting to possibly get sick, which was the final piece of your routine. Your apartment has started to warm up slightly, but you still bury yourself in your bed, dragging the blanket all the way up to your chin. 

Your alarm snaps you out of sleep and you already feel your mood dip. The fog of your dreams lifts enough for you to not fully remember what it was about, but your heart is swelling with feelings of Jooeheon, which leads you to believe he played an important part in your mind's nightly escapades. It isn’t the first time you’ve dreamt of the dimpled man, and you can feel that it probably won’t be the last. Your thought drifts to the day you met Jooheon and a smile immediately graces your lips without you even realizing it. You laugh slightly at the memory, feeling so long ago even though it’s only just been a year. 

You had been sitting in a bland room waiting for your interview to start, eyes panning the room. It was just a small room with dull gray walls, the paint was slightly peeling and there was no wall art anywhere in the room. The only sign of movement was the man on the other side of the room, bouncing his leg. You could practically see the sweat starting to bead up on his forehead and you felt a little bad for him. This was obviously something he wanted and anyone could see how nervous he was about this interview. You noticed as he glanced at you, leg still bouncing only faster. You quickly react by flashing him a smile and giving him a thumbs up as a lady in slacks calls his name. He hadn’t been behind the white door for long before he came back out, this time with a large smile on his face. You had been struck by how boyish his smile had been, not expecting it. Immediately after you were struck by just how attractive the man was and how his smile seemed to fit him perfectly, even though you had never talked to him. After getting the job, you were shocked that Jooheon had been assigned as your elf partner. The company had wanted every employee to have a partner. The partners would work every shift together, the company felt that it would bring some sort of consistency in the village. As soon as you had arrived, he gave you that dazzling smile and you knew that you were going to be hooked. 

You got ready much like you had the day before, mirror mental meltdown included. You hold out hope that today will be a good day, the day before hadn’t been awful despite not getting a lunch. Your hope was very swiftly smashed as you looked at the line already forming. It was twice as long as the day before and from the looks of it, most of the kids were in no way well behaved. Your shift went by in a slow wave of crying kids and impatient mothers. While today you were given a break, Santa really needed to get a way for a few minutes, it felt like there hadn’t been a point. You did your best to maintain your cheery elf persona, and you had done a very good job of it. When it came time to leave, you moved straight toward the door. Staying and cleaning wasn’t really part of your job, but you liked to help out the mall staff, but you just couldn’t bear to be here a minute longer. You gave everyone a quick goodbye and a small wave of your hand.

Your hand is reaching for the door handle when you hear your name being called and you almost groan out loud, the only thing stopping you is the recognition of Jooheon’s voice. You stop and turn to face him, giving him a tired smile. “Hey, think you might wanna get some food again? You know, try to have some fun and get rid of this shitty mood?” You can feel yourself deflate a bit. You would absolutely love to hang out with him again, but you’re drained. You peek up at him and his face has the softest expression on it and you feel your stomach flutter and your mood soften slightly. You realize as you look at him that there is absolutely no way that you can say no to his adorable face. You finally smile a little bigger and give him a small nod. He flashes you a giant smile and grabs your hand and pulls you into the parking lot. 

You look at Jooheon in confusion as he makes no move to turn into the chicken place you went to the night before. He lets out an airy chuckle before looking at you and flashing a smile. “I thought we might check out the 24 hour diner down here.” You give him a nod and tell him that you’ve been wanting to try it for a while, just haven’t gotten the chance. He opens the diner door for you and you smile and thank him as a bell rings out from above the door. You hear someone call out a welcome to you and you nod in their direction and mutter a thank you as Jooheon leads you to a booth in the back corner of the diner. The two of you sit and almost immediately an older woman stops at your table with some menus and a question of what you would like to drink. 

The table is silent as you both study the menu, deciding what your stomach is in the mood for. You end up choosing a cheeseburger, Jooheon choosing the same. “You know, we’ve never swapped numbers.” Jooheon’s voice is a slightly higher pitch than normal, but you’re certain you would be the only one that would notice something like that. You nod and emit a small laugh when he slides his phone across the table, the new contact screen already showing. You slide him your phone before adding yourself into his contacts. The conversation is more small talk, talking about how awful the shift was and singling out the kids whose behavior made them hard to forget. You can certainly feel the weight and bad vibe of the day slowly melt away throughout the dinner. The waitress comes back once you finish your food, taking your plates and asking if you would like any dessert. You quickly order a small bowl of ice cream, Jooheon deciding that he’s fine without dessert. 

Your ice cream doesn’t take long to make it back to the table, and a smile lights up your face as the waitress sets it down for you. Everything is silent as you enjoy your dessert until Jooheon’s voice grabs your attention. “Hey, hold still.” His arm reaches across the table and you feel his finger swipe at the corner of your lip. You can feel your breath hitch and it honestly feels like time has slowed. You watch as his eyes find yours and his arm retracts to his side of the table, his finger making its way to his mouth. You hold your breath as you watch him suck the ice cream off of his finger. You can feel your mouth dry at the action and while you clench your thighs together. Your eyes stay focused on each other for what feels like an eternity, before the waitress interrupts by asking if you needed anything else. Jooheon licks his lips before turning his attention to the older woman, flashing her a smile and asking for the check. It’s silent between you two as you wait to pay. You move to get your wallet, Jooheon only shaking his head when you try to hand him your share. 

Jooheon holds the diner door open for you, walking slightly faster than you to open the door of his car. You smile as you make your way to the car door. “Thank you for such a great date I didn’t even know I was having.” Your voice is light and you laugh at your joke and you see Jooheon’s cheeks turn slightly pink. As he moves to shut the door, you glance over his form, breath catching as you see the slight strain of his pants. You take a moment to take a deep breath as you clench your thighs with more force than the last time. Jooheon makes his way around the car, his pants clinging to his thighs in a way that has you clenching around nothing and you almost let out a moan. The car ride back is silent and not the comfortable kind, it’s full of tension and it is taking all of your control to drive back the want to grip his thighs at every stop. After what feels like forever, Jooheon finally pulls up beside your car. You know you should thank him and open the car door, but you can’t seem to make yourself move. You sit in silence for a few more minutes before Jooehon speaks. “Has it really not been obvious that I like you?” 

Your head snaps to face him, his expression serious. You stare at him for a moment before you realize that you should probably answer him, but your voice seems to not work so you settle for a shake of your head. He doesn’t say anything and you finally muster up the will to make yourself speak. “I-I really had no idea.” Your voice trails off into a whisper at the end as you struggle to keep eye contact. “After interview day, I had hoped I would see you again and when we found out we were partners, I was freaking out inside. I was excited to get to know you and by the end of last season, I was chin deep in feelings for you. I kicked myself for not getting your number last year and I hoped you would be back this year.” You’re barely breathing as you take in his words. He liked you. Jooheon. Jooheon liked you for as long as you liked him. Your mind was spinning, going back and forth between shock and happiness. It took you a few moments to realize that Jooheon had gone quite and you hadn’t responded. You rushed to let him know that you felt the same, your words coming out in a jumble. “Ireallylikeyoutoolikealot.” You mentally kicked yourself, knowing there was almost no way that he understood that. It’s clear by the way he looks at you, beaming smile, that lets you know that he understood. 

There is a period of nothing but staring, neither of you really knowing what to do. Over time, you both start slowly leaning towards each other, not moving at a hasty pace. Your lips finally touch and it almost takes your breath away. It’s very sweet as Jooheon brings his hand to rest on your cheek, thumb rubbing your cheek slowly. It quickly escalates from soft and sweet to heated as his tongue swipes your bottom lip in a silent plea for entrance, which you grant without hesitation. Your makeout session takes another turn as Jooheon places his hand on your waist, squeezing slightly. When you two finally break apart, your chests are heaving as you try to catch your breath. It’s silent for another beat before Jooheon asks if you want to come back to his apartment, which you quickly agree to. He gives you another slow kiss before starting his car and pulling out of the parking lot.

You can’t give an accurate estimate at how far away Jooheon’s apartment is. It feels like days since you left the mall parking lot and Jooheon’s hand rubbing your thigh isn’t making it go any faster. His slow movement and the fact that his hand occasionally dips closer to your needy core seems to make it only drag on. The slow and sensual music on the radio making it even worse, though it does remind you to ask Jooheon about the artist. Jooheon finally pulls the car into a parking spot in front of his apartment building, not hesitating to immediately make his way out and around the car to open your door. His hand finds yours immediately and he tugs you along behind him. 

As soon as you’re in his apartment and his door is closed, your back is pushed up against it, Jooheon’s lips on yours. His hands find purchase on your waist as yours rest on his abdomen. You can feel the muscle underneath your hands and you let out a moan as you run your fingers over his defined abs. You can feel his body tense and shiver as you move your hands over his stomach. His lips make their way down your jaw and onto your neck, finding your sensitive spot almost immediately. When you let out a gasp, you feel him smirk against your neck as he continues to suckle on your neck and you just know you’ll have a mark the next day. His hands slide down to rest on your ass, squeezing and placing a small smack, causing you to let out another moan. He pulls back, lips pink and pupils blown. You’re trying to catch your breath when he takes your hand again and leads you to his bedroom. 

Neither of you bother shutting the bedroom door, making your way straight to his bed. He pulls you around in front of him, kissing you slowly as he leans you back to lay on the bed. When your back meets the bed, he climbs over you making sure to rest most of his weight on his arm while the other hand makes its way to cup your face. His lips slowly make their way down your neck before he leaves a little bite and the junction of your neck and shoulder and his tongue darts out to swipe over the spot. He leans back, resting on his knees as his hands make their way to the hem of your shirt. He looks at you with a quirked eyebrow and you nod, giving him permission. He teases as he slowly removes your shirt, bending down to litter your stomach with kisses. He moves up your body as your shirt moves higher, making sure not to leave a single spot untouched. His hands move to unclasp your bra as soon as the shirt is tossed on the floor. His mouth finds your hardened bud, tongue swirling as his other hand moves to the other breast. You let out a whimper as he begins to roll your other nipple between his thumb and forefinger. 

He brings his mouth back to your lips, placing a quick peck on your lips as his hands make their way to the waistband of your leggings. You hold your breath as his hands move slowly down your body, his eyes fixed on your face. He grips your leggings and slowly pulls them down your body, lips ghosting over the newly exposed skin. After kissing his way back up your legs, making sure to pay special attention to the inside of your thighs, he sits back up and moves to set up against his headboard. You whine at his absence, his teasing and attention to your body having your underwear soaked. “I noticed you looking at my thighs in the car, baby. Why don’t you come up here and have a seat for me.” His voice is dripping with lust and though you didn’t think you could get wetter, you feel your juices running down your thighs. You slowly roll yourself onto your stomach, making sure to stick your ass in the air as you crawl over to his leg. You make sure to maintain eye contact as you straddle his thigh, slowly lowering yourself down. You immediately get a rush of pleasure as soon as your core makes contact with this cloth clad thigh. He lets out a groan, letting you know he can feel how wet you are. He moves his hands to your ass, giving you a slight push causing you to glide across his thigh. You let out a loud moan at the friction, hands immediately coming up to grab your breast. You open your eyes to find Jooheon’s eyes fixated on you, teeth sinking into his lower lip. 

You move your hips slowly, dragging out your pleasure. Jooheon watches you with black pupils as he gives you a push every now and then. You can feel your orgasm slowly building and your increase your pace slightly, making no move to hide the moans falling from your mouth. All at once your feel the tightening of your climax speedily increasing and your grip Jooheon’s shoulders as you lose yourself in the feeling of his thigh on your clit. When the band finally snaps, your nails dig into his shoulders and you let out a loud whine. You feel Jooheon tense underneath you as his nails dig into your ass.

He quickly lifts you off of his thigh, placing you softly on the bed beside him.He quickly removes his clothes and you’re struck by just how gorgeous he is. You let your eyes scan his form as he removes his underwear, dick slightly slapping his stomach and you feel your mouth water at the sight. You get rid of your underwear, tossing them somewhere on the floor as you start to crawl toward him. You reach for his cock, wrapping your hand around him and giving him a slow tug. He moans a higher pitched moan and you can feel yourself clench around nothing at the sound. You move to slide your hand again before his hand wraps around yours. “Normally I would spend hours getting each other worked up, but I’ve thought about this for a while. Baby, I need you right now.” You chuckle a little bit as his flustered honesty, moving yourself to lie back down, legs spread for Jooheon to see your dripping pussy. He groans as he reaches to the drawer beside his bed and grabs a condom, ripping into the foil immediately and rolling it on himself. He looks at you with a questioning look and you know he’s giving you a chance to stop this. You response is a hand sliding down your body and dipping your finger into your entrance. You give him a come hither motion and he whines and moves forward and lines himself up with your hole. You bring your finger up, still glistening with your juices and tap his lips lightly. He eagerly opens, taking your finger into his mouth without hesitation and lets out a deep groan of appreciation at your taste.

He thrusts into you without warning, causing you to let out a gasp as you cling to his shoulders. He leans forward to bury his face in your neck, biting a little harder than before. You reach down and dig your nails into his ass, letting him know to move. He leans up from your neck, giving you a deep kiss as he pulls almost completely out of you before thrusting himself back into your core. His thrusts are soft but hit deep and you can’t help the guttural moan you let out as he quickly finds the spot inside of you that has your vision fuzzy. He realizes he’s found your sweet spot and he makes sure to hit it with every thrust. He moves his hand to play with your clit, thrusts speeding up. His fingers seem to work magic as you feel your second climax quickly approaching. Jooheon’s thrusts get sloppy as he increases pressure on your clit and within seconds you're letting go for the second time, quickly followed by a whine from Jooheon as his hips still. 

His body slumps on yours for a few moments before he leans up and gives you a soft kiss, pulling his length out of you before removing the latex from himself and tying a knot throwing it in the small can in the bathroom. He returns with a warm washcloth and he gently wipes you down, ridding you of all the dried fluid. He throws on a pair of sweatpants on himself and tugs open a drawer and pulls out a large tee and hands it to you along with placing a kiss on your temple. Out of nowhere the thought of the music from the car pops into her mind. “Oh hey. Who were you listening to in the car?” He turns to you, tips of his ears red. “Oh. Um. That was me. I play around with music in my free time.” It hits you why the voice felt comfortable and you smile wide. “It’s really good. I like it alot.” You let out a giggle as his gives you an embarrassed thanks, cheeks heating up with pink. “Do you maybe wanna stay the night and watch a movie? I can run you to get your car so it’s not in the lot all night.” You give a smile and nod your head. “I do have one condition though.” He looks at you with a confused look. “We are absolutely not watching anything that evolves elves.” He laughs and nods as he crawls into his bed and wrapping his arms around you. “No elves. You got it.”

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[aewhore]

Drunk in love ~ Orange Cassidy x reader (NSFW)

REQUEST BY : @bestfriendshypewoman​  (I hope you like it!!!)

Summary: You go out to the bar with Adam after Revolution 2020, You and Orange get tipsy and you both get very handsy and flirty. You both end up back in your hotel room and it gets juicy. ;)    

Word count: 3500

Revolution had come and gone and it had been the best ppv for AEW so far. You had defended your AEW women's championship against one of your closest friends Kris Statlander. The saying in pro wrestling that “you hit harder when you're fighting your friends” never rang truer than when you and Kris stepped in the ring against one another. It was a hard hitting, fast paced match and it helped a lot that the crowd was electric the entire time. Signing with AEW was the best decision you had ever made in the last 15 years of your career, you were doing your best work and it was only getting better as your title reign continued.   

Hopping between different indie promotions means you made friends all over the world but sadly you didn't get to see them as often as you would like until now. That being said you also saw the people you didn't like a lot more often. Such people included the cooler than cool Orange Cassidy. It's not that you hated Cassidy, it's just he rubbed you the wrong way. It wasn't a one way street though, Cassidy wasn’t your biggest fan either. He would leave the room if you entered, he would ignore you if you both ever got stuck in a conversation together but now you were both in the same promotion so you did what any rational adults would do, and completely ignored each other like the plague.

So after your blockbuster match with Kris, you were bruised and beaten up as you prepared to leave the arena and return to your warm, soft bed back at the hotel. However just as you went to leave Hangman Adam Page came into your dressing room. “Hey Y/N, heck of a match tonight, congrats on successfully defending that title” He says as he gives you a congratulatory hug. You and Adam had been friends for many years, ever since ROH when Adam debuted and you were in a singles match on the main card. You had approached Adam after the show and you both immediately became great friends. “Speak for yourself! You just had an easy 5 star match and you're taking home the belt as well, I owe you many congratulations.” You laugh as you pat Adam on the back. “I don't know how you're still standing either, I'm absolutely exhausted and I can't wait to collapse back at the hotel” you confess to Adam as you go back to packing up your gear bag. “So you would be up for a champion’s celebratory beer at the bar?” You turn back to Adam to see him hiding a smirk like he already knew you answer. “Adam, I wanna go to bed.” you whine as Adam starts to give those puppy dog eyes of his. “Come on Y/N, were drinking buddies! You wouldn't want a cowboy to drink all by his lonesome after we’ve both had such a successful night” Adam did give some good points. The second you hesitated to think about it, Adam broke out into a smile.  “Great! I'll meet you in the hotel bar in 30 minutes” before you could argue Adam was already walking out giving you no option but to go drinking with your favourite southern boy.

You arrived back at the hotel to dump your luggage off back at your room first, while you were there you changed from your sweatshirt into a nice top so even if you didn't feel the best you might as well look the best. You left your room and headed towards the elevator. As you wait for the elevator, you reply to Adam’s text asking if you were on your way and if he should order you something to have it waiting for you when you get there. You got onto the first elevator that came, still on your phone you glanced up to push the button as you hit send on your demands for a free drink for Adam in exchange for your missing sleep.  You put your phone back into your pocket when you see you're not alone in the elevator, you were joined by all 3 of the best friends. You glance away to the mirror to fix your makeup. You hear Trent and Chuck talking amongst themselves about the pay per view that had just passed. It was no surprise not to hear a word from Cassidy other than the occasional grunt and mumbled “yeah”. You feel eyes on you as you glance in the mirror to see Cassidy staring at you in the mirror through his sunglasses. You raise your eyebrow slightly as you can feel your cheeks start to warm up under the heat of his stare.

The elevator dings when you all arrive at the lobby, you immediately turn to walk out of the elevator and towards the bar where you saw nearly every AEW wrestler celebrating another amazing ppv. You spot Adam sitting at the bar with two neat whiskeys in front of him and you immediately beeline for the much needed drink. Once you sit beside Adam the drinking begins, From beers to whiskeys as long as it was alcoholic you guys were drinking it. Since you were so small people assumed you couldn’t handle it, which couldn't be more wrong considering you put away a bottle of whiskey like it was nothing. As the hours ticked the crowd started to thin out in the bar but a lot of the remaining crowd all gathered around a few tables you had pushed together so you could all laugh and chat together. You were sandwiched between Adam and Chuckie T who were deep in conversation about the ups and downs of being southern men. You were drunkenly talking across the table at Kris who was telling you about her learning to wrestle on her home planet and how it compares to earthling wrestling. You were leaning your head against Adams shoulder as you normally did when the liquor was getting to your head. You glance around at your gang of coworker who were laughing and hollering as they told stories of their travels around the world before you eyes landed on Orange Cassidy, now without his signature sunglasses it was irrefutable that he was staring argyle at you, but as you focused on him you realized he wasn’t glaring at you rather he was giving a dead stare to Adam. This was thoroughly confusing as you weren’t aware if Adam and Cassidy had any beef. You make a mental note to ask Adam about it later when you were both sober.

You excused yourself to go to the bathroom and when you return you see that Chuckie has taken your seat and Trent has taken his seat, leaving the only empty seat beside Orange. You hesitate before sucking it up and sitting beside Cassidy, hoping he won't cause a fuss since he's busy chatting to Brandon Cutler and a few others. You pick back up your conversation with Kris which was easier since you were closer to her so it was far easier to hear her. Your conversations ends and you listen to Adam’s as he drunkenly rambles on about proper horse care to Trent and Chuckie who you are not sure if they’re listening intently or too drunk to even know Adams talking. You feel something on your back and turn to see Orange resting his arm around the back of your chair. You turn to face him and he’s already staring right at you with those strikingly blue eyes. “Can I help you?” You say, attitude dripping off every word. Cassidy sighs, he glances around at everyone at the table almost to ensure no one's watching before he leans in to you. “Listen i know we haven’t exactly seen eye to eye-” You interrupt him with a laugh at his massive understatement. “I mean it's hard to see eye to eye when we avoid each other Cassidy” he rolls his eyes. “Are you going to let me finish?” his voice had an air of dominance that you had never heard before causing you to stop talking immediately. Orange pulls your chair closer to him as the group around you gets loud again. He started to speak again this time in a low voice that demanded your attention. “I know we got off on the wrong foot, but I feel I have to explain myself. I feel there has been a misunderstanding between us..” due to how close you two had suddenly become you could smell jack and coke he was sipping on. “You see sweetheart I haven't been avoiding you because I don't like you, no no no quite the opposite, I’ve been avoiding you because I'm fascinated by you, the way you carry yourself. I find you incredibly attractive.” This was the most you had heard Cassidy speak in all your years of knowing him and to say you were gobsmacked would be an understatement. All this time you thought Cassidy disliked you and this is what was happening the whole time.  

As Cassidy spoke he rested his hand on the lower part of your thigh. You moved your hand to Cassidy’s side as you leaned in to whisper your response into his ear. “And here i was thinking you hated me but looking at where your hand is right now i can bet that you like me a lot more than you're letting on” the smirk on your face grows as you see a light blush grow on Cassidy’s face. You gently kiss Cassidy on the neck before you go to lean back in your chair but Cassidy doesn’t let you move too far away from him by wrapping the arm that was resting on your chair around your waist to pull you back into him. “Jesus, I always knew you’d be a tease” Cassidy growls into your ear “I just want to see how hot and bothered I get you” You run your hand up his thigh. Before Cassidy can reply in your back and forth he's interrupted by Adam. “Hey Y/N, I wanna head back to my room, help me up” You turn in your chair to see Adam doing grabby hands towards you. You burst out laughing at Adam showing how much of a baby he is. “Yeah ok Hangy lets get you back to your stables” you turn back to Cassidy to see him not looking at you but instead doing his usual too cool for school face, you grab a napkin off the table and a pen from your purse to scribble down your hotel room number. “When you finish up here come see me” You hand Cassidy the napkin and wink before you turn to help Adam out of the bar.

Adam was relying his entire weight on you as you approached his hotel room door, he was chatting your ear off about how fun the night was and how glad he was to have a friend like you.  You led him into the room before unceremoniously dumping him on his bed. He Immediately kicks off his boots before he starts to undress himself. “Jesus, Ok Adam at least  give me some sort of warning before you decide to get naked” You say over your shoulder as you turn to walk out of the room and to return to your own. “Ok night night Y/N” You couldn't help but laugh as you hear Adam wish you a good night, completely ignoring his half assed strip tease he just gave you. The second you shut Adams door behind you the anxiety in your stomach builds, what if Cassidy doesn't show but what happens if he does show up. The elevator ride from Adam’s floor to your own feels like an eternity. You get off the elevator and head towards your room. Once inside you put your bag down and take off your jacket. The pacing begins some time after that. You were a nervous wreck as you touched up your makeup and fixed your outfit waiting for Cassidy to show up.  

When you finally hear a knock at your door, you wait a few seconds to catch your breath before you look through the peephole to see Cassidy looking as nonchalant as ever. You open the door and before you can even greet him. Cassidy pushes past you into the room, slamming the door and pushing you up against it. You can feel his lips ghosting your own as you get lost in his gorgeous ocean coloured eyes. You lean up and Cassidy smashes your lips together in a wild and passionate kiss. Your hands went to wrap around Cassidy’s neck as his hand began roaming up and down your side, slipping under your shirt and massaging at the skin. His hands slide into your bra as he squeezes your tits causing you to gasp and that allows him to slip his tongue into your mouth. “Jump” he growls against your mouth as his hands lower to grab the backs  of your thighs as you follow his command and wrap your legs snuggly around his hips.

He walks you both towards your bed before he drops you onto the bed. You bounce as your ass collides with the soft surface. Your body lights up as Cassidy scans your body as he towers over you. You reach up and grab him by the collar to drag him down to smash your mouths back together. His hands return to roaming your body before he begins to tug your shirt up. You take the hint and strip off your shirt. Cassidy immediately attacks your chest with nips and open mouth kisses. You arch your back to get more from pressure and attention from Cassidy’s mouth while his mouth travels down your stomach. You giggled when he reached your happy trail, he eyed you as he began to unbutton your jeans. You raised your hips to make it easier to pull your jeans and your panties off completely and Cassidy throws them haphazardly behind himself.  Cassidy drapes your thighs over his shoulder as he begins to lay soft kisses and gentle bites along the insides of your thighs. He finally starts to lay kisses and kitten licks along your slit as your whines become full on moans at the pleasure you're receiving. His hands have a deadly grip on your hips keeping you bolted to the edge of the mattress meaning you can't do anything but lay there and take it as you start to be devoured. Cassidy’s kitten licks turn to long swipes of his tongue and his gentle kisses turn to toe curling pleasure as Cassidy sucks at your clit. Cassidy ate you out like a madman as you writhed and moaned below him. He eased a finger into you as you cried out his name, begging him for more. The coil in your abdomen tightened and tightened as Cassidy slid a second finger into you using his spit and your wetness as lubricant. He then begin scissoring and fucking you with his long, thin fingers. Knuckles nudging your G spot at the perfect pace as he thrust his fingers at an inhuman speed. “A-a-ahh C-Cassidy I’m g-onna c-cum” You cry out. Cassidy sucks on your clit to push you over the edge and you throw your head back.

You gripped his hair as you came down from your orgasm, you pull him up to kiss him and you groan as the taste of yourself fills your mouth. Your hands trail down his body as you tug at the hem of his shirt because him wearing any clothes is getting aggravating. He smirks at your need to see him naked as soon as possible. He grants your requests and you immediately attack his collarbone and chest with kisses and bites, he lets out a low moan when you suck on a sweet spot where his neck meets his shoulder causing him to suddenly grind into you. The feeling of his denim against your bare crotch caused a weird but euphoric rush to run through your body as he began fumbling with his jeans button. You place your hands over his in an effort to calm his nerves, you successfully get his jeans undone and he strips them off and throws them in the same direction that he threw yours. You had seen Cassidy without his shirt on before and you had seen him in wrestling trunks as well but seeing him towering above you in nothing but his boxers made you speechless at just how ungodly attractive he was. His slander build hid how much power and strength he had. You pulled Cassidy down to kiss him and you used this momentum to flip you both over so you were straddling Cassidy. Cassidy raises his hips to throw his boxers off, his hard dick stands up against his stomach and you grind against it for friction against your clit. He stills your hips by grabbing you and teasing your hole with his erection. You whined as Cassidy’s grip on your hips prevented you from sinking down on him.  

Cassidy smirked up at you as he lined himself up and slowly lowered you onto himself. The girth of it begins to override your senses as all you can think about is the stretching feeling as Cassidy pushed himself to the hilt. You sit flush against his hips when Cassidy starts to shallowly thrust up into you and your moans turn to cries when his tip perfectly nudges against your G spot. You place your hands against his chest for leverage and you can feel his rapid breathing beneath your palms. His thrusts become violent as his cock starts to throb inside of you. His hands trail up your body to squeeze and tease with your tits as you rode his cock like there was no tomorrow. You could tell Cassidy was close to cumming by the bright red flush of his face and chest and the groans that were just now becoming audible as he increased in volume the closer to finishing he got. Your hips started to stutter as your body tensed with how close you were. Cassidy lets his hand fall back down your body as he starts to rub tight circles on your clit causing you to be pushed over the edge as the coil in your stomach snaps and a rush of electricity zaps through your body. You clench on Cassidy and it feels as if you milk him of every drop of cum as his cum shoots, hot and thick into you. The aftershocks ripple through both your bodies as you fall forward onto Cassidy.  

After you both have caught your breath, you roll off of Cassidy to allow him to go to the bathroom. You can't help but stare at his bare ass as he walks away. You start to giggle before Cassidy turns back to you with a raised eyebrow. “I hate to see you leave, but i love to watch you go” He barks with laughter at what a horrible line that was. “You already got in my pants, you don't have to use bad pick up lines on me now.” You laugh at the savage rejection your brilliant line got. You stand on wobbly legs as you reach for a random shirt to wear to go to sleep in. Cassidy comes back from the bathroom with a washcloth and hands it to you and you wipe yourself off before throwing the cloth back towards the bathroom and curling up into bed. You notice Cassidy is still standing beside the bed not looking directly at you but darting his eyes around the room as if he's never been in a hotel before. You realize he’s debating whether to stay or go, so you make that decision for him by lifting up the blankets and patting the empty space. “Come on, cool guy, it's cuddle time.” He tries to hide it as he climbs in beside you but you see that small smile on his face as you pull him into your nest of comfort. “Hey Y/N?” you hear Cassidy ask after you turn the light off. “Yeah Orange?” your brows furrow slightly at what Cassidy could be gearing up to ask. “Are you wearing my shirt?” you breathe a sigh of relief at the simple question. “Um yeah” you say, gauging his reaction, silently hoping he's not mad. “Hm.. Cool” He pulls you closer as you start to fall asleep to the even beat of his heart.

#orange cassidy #orange cassidy imagines #aew imagines #aew #aew smut #wrestling #wrestling smut #best friends #Hangman Page

[kashimos-hajime]

Far From Home | b.b.

summary: Bucky Barnes hates you. You play music too loud in the morning, you’re cold and closed off, you’re selfishly selfless, you confuse the hell out of him—the list could go on and on. He hates you, but when you go missing, he can’t stop himself from spending every waking hour trying to find you. What was that old saying? A fine line between hate and love? Yeah, Bucky walks that line like a man who’s had three beers too many.

WARNINGS: swearing, mentions of addiction, vomit, angst, y’all HATE each other fr pairing: bucky barnes x stark!sister reader word count: 10.9k

a/n: written for @wkemeup​​​ and @captain-kelli​​​ who both achieved follower milestones!! congratulations, you two! :) both prompts are bolded below. enemies to lovers who are still enemies here we go! song inspo is far from home (the raven) by sam tinnesz

“How long?”

“Seventy three hours since last contact. Fuck, Steve. Where is she?”

“I don’t know. Last I saw of her was the party but for all we know she’s just sleeping in.”

“No. My sister is not a party animal. She would’ve called me. She knows to call me.” Beep. “What am I looking at, F.R.I.D.A.Y.?”

“Last known footage of Ms. Stark. She signed some autographs in Miami before departing for an unknown location.”

The air is frigid as the room goes quiet.

Steve speaks first. “Tony—”

Who’s gonna tell Barnes?”

A beat.

“We can’t tell him. We don’t even know if she’s missing or not.”

Bucky stops at the edge of the entrance, his ears pricked as he presses himself against the wall. Tilting his head to the door, he waits for someone to say something.

“I’m telling you that she is. I know in my heart that there is something wrong and I say that she has been captured, or injured, and that she might be scared and Barnes…” A bitter, cold, laugh that sounds more like a scoff. “He’s not going to stop until he gets her back. I don’t know about you but I don’t want some brainwashed super soldier killing everyone just because he didn’t have the balls to—”

“You can’t say that, Tony. She’s gonna show up.”

“Shut up, Steve. She would’ve found some way to call me. That girl never has her phone on 0%. She doesn’t go off the grid. This is Y/N, not some bimbo who doesn’t know better than to call her brother.”

“She isn’t a kid.”’

“She is to me! She is a kid. She is the little sister I have failed over and over to protect so why don’t you shove that little righteous speech about how she’s a grown woman up your ass.”

“Except you’re not treating her like the adult she is. You know she can take care of herself.”

Bucky can hear Tony’s soft inhale, feel the intensity of the man’s glare directed at Steve. He shouldn’t be eavesdropping, but a twitch of muscle would be enough to alert both men that he’s here. With the amount of tension crackling in the air, a brush against the wall would be equivalent to a thousand cymbals crashing in cacophony.

“Tony, Afghanistan wasn’t your fault. You couldn’t have changed what the Ten Rings did, to you or to her. You’re not responsible for that.”

“Someone has to be. Who put her there, huh?”

“Tony—”

“You know what, I’m gonna try the London center, and go by her cabin.”

“Tony, wait—”

A door slams shut. It rattles Bucky’s bones and he swallows down the bruising in his throat as he closes his eyes, tilting his head back until it knocks into the metal walls. Missing. You, missing, and suddenly his chest is heavier than mountains. He feels like he could drown in his own blood, like every rib in his chest is breaking.

“Buck,” Steve calls, and he opens his eyes to a sting of cold air. Something tastes like iron in his mouth as he pushes off the wall and enters the room. Steve is standing there, his fingers pressed against the table as he continues to stare at the door Bucky assumes Tony left through.

“Who said she’s missing?” Bucky asks roughly in a way he hopes sounds unaffected. Steve’s eyes drag towards him, his blue eyes wide like a puppy and Bucky narrows his own gaze. “You know how she gets when she’s pissed.”

“Yeah. I wish she was more like Tony that way,” Steve sighs, his other hand hooked on his belt. “Buck, I don’t know what to say. You know what’s going on with her?”

“Nope.” His expression twitching, Bucky silently curses as Steve’s eyebrows raise, lips parting. He seems to struggle with what he wants to say and Bucky’s eyes fall to his shoes like a scolded child. Searching the tile, he swallows down the knot in his throat.

“Bucky.”

His head jerks up and he meets his best friend’s gaze defiantly. “Steve.”

“What’d you say to her?”

His lungs feel like they’re about to bust. An urgency tugs at his chest, his gut flipping over as he looks away, at the wall, anywhere except Steve’s curious, insistent gaze.

“Steve, I swear to fucking god I didn’t mean it.” His eyes flutter shut at the memory and he lowers his head in shame, leaning against the table by his hand. Everything inside him lurches and he feels like he’s going to throw up as the sound of you echoes in his head. Fury incarnate, hell freezing over at your voice. “She just told me she was stepping back. I just—” His words catch in his throat, and he can’t continue. Anger and guilt fight within him like starving beasts caged for far too long battling over a juicy flank of deer. The meat of his memory bleeds into his bones. “We had a fight before the party. It just piled up.”

“You couldn’t be coolheaded about this?” Steve asks quietly and Bucky looks at him with a terrible devil lurking in his gaze. No one has ever known—especially Tony, especially Steve. No one knows. “She’s the only person I’ve ever seen you lose your temper on, Buck.”

“You’d be surprised by what she brings out in me,” he muses flatly, that terrible thing melting into his voice. A bitter twitch to his mouth, he looks up and thinks of all the places he thinks you would go to, just to spite him. Pulling out his phone, he half-hopes to see some message from you, even if it is a drunk text. You off the rails is better than you going dead silent.

The cabin in the woods. London. Miami.

Something inside of Bucky aches for release—aches to put a hole in the wall just to feel something other than pain, rage, hate, hate, hate.

“You’re her friend,” his blond, Captain America, broad-shouldered, symbol-of-America, friend Steve says, because despite what some people think that Steve and Captain America are two different personas, there will always be parts of Steve in the Avenger, and parts of the Avenger in Steve. They both want to believe in something good. They are, after all, one in the same.

Just as how Bucky and the Winter Soldier are the same man despite everything. HYDRA simply amplified the hate, fertilized the seeds of rage, curated the quiet thunder within his soul, within James Buchanan Barnes so that the Winter Soldier could thrive.

He has spent more than half his life believing the Starks are the enemy, and half of his waking moments, wondering if it’s true. Whenever he looks at Tony, he sees Howard—the title FRIEND crossed out with violent strokes, ENEMY written in blood. Whenever he looked at you, he felt something that walked a fine line.

“We barely tolerated each other.” Bucky brushes it off, pocketing his phone and turning away. He doesn’t want to think about your damned starlight eyes that sparked with rebellion, the rope of hair you always had pulled back in a ponytail, the smear of oil, the smudge of dirt, the raw scratch of your nails. Something so primal, unadulterated ecstasy.

It was the effect of you on his mind, his body.

“That’s not what Tony thought.” Steve’s words crawl after him as he turns to walk out of the room and Bucky pauses at the silence that follows. He knows Steve well enough to know when he wants to keep going. “What is it?”

“What I said?”

“No. Buck,” Steve sighs, his name echoing coldly against metal walls. Bucky turns to see him, nearly glaring daggers, “what is it between you and her?”

Anger. Grief. Hate. Lust.

“Nothing.” Bucky shrugs despite how much it feels like there’s a thousand pound weights on his shoulders. “If she ran away without telling Stark, he’s gonna be insufferable about it, but that’s not on me.”

“So you think there’s nothing to worry about.” Bucky turns to Steve who crosses his arms, leaning against the edge of the table. His eyebrows are still raised—he wants an honest answer.

If Bucky were an honest man, he would’ve told Steve everything since the beginning, but he hasn’t and he isn’t, and Bucky does not want to hide things from Steve, but he will always make and has always made exceptions for you.

“I’ll worry when there’s something to worry about.” Steve doesn’t believe him, and Bucky chews on his cheek, stepping back into the room. There’s something he has to prove to Steve, something that isn’t even real, and Bucky feels a million pairs of eyes bearing into his back. I will not slip, I will not slip, I will not slip. “Look, she can take care of herself. She’ll show up because someone picked a fight with her and lost, and then she’ll be fine.”

“Bucky. Come on.” Steve’s trying to appeal to the kindness in his heart but Bucky doesn’t have room for it with all the unbridled fear that lurks in his chest. It carves out a home in his ribs, sits on every crevice of his sternum, sinks its teeth into his flesh. He’s terrified even though he doesn’t show it: he can’t. He can’t. “You’re not even a little bit worried?”

“Nope.”

“Well, you can’t act like you don’t care when you care more than anyone.”

“I don’t.”

“Then what was London?” The protesters. “São Paulo?” The earthquake. “Vancouver?” Freezing cold water.

“Look, I care if Stark’s gonna run us over trying to find her. I care enough because she’s part of our team. Come off it, Steve. I know she can take care of herself. I’m gonna take a nap. Dr. Cho said no partying post-Singapore and what do you know, we throw the biggest party ever.” Stiff to the bone, he puts on a smile. “See you in a bit, pal.”

Steve sighs, and the sound follows him like a ghost as Bucky leaves the conference room. His flesh fingers curl into a fist and his nails dig in hard enough he draws blood as he walks the halls, the paths engraved into his head. He takes the longest route to his room, tries to scatter his thoughts of the words shackled with fury.

He walks past your room on the way to his and he does not spare it a glance as he walks into his room and turns on the tap. The water runs copper and the sting bites at his palm as he tries not to think. Tries to focus on the numbing cold that runs over his skin.

Don’t worry. I won’t.

It’s all he does now—worry. It consumes his mind as he stares at his own reflection and curses the way his eyes seem to shimmer from cold predator to docile prey. They are always at war within him. It wasn’t until he met you that he realized it was okay to be both.

.

The first time Bucky meets you, he is unkempt, exhausted, and probably smells of old laundry. Black moons are printed underneath his eyes and he doesn’t remember what the light looks like as he stares blankly at the wall, at the curtains drawn over windows. He hasn’t eaten in the past few days and neither has he spoken. He’s tossed and turned on his bed, his mind still hyper fixated, his blood still congealed in his veins. He’s too exhausted to get out of a room he’s been stuck in for the past seventy two hours.

It’s been two months since Steve brought him back here. Two months and he’s still so fucking tired.

“Buck,” said friend begins and Bucky doesn’t make a sound to give any indication he’s heard. He has a pillow shoved between his head and arm, staring at the analog clock that reads 3:29 PM. “I’m coming in, okay?” He closes his eyes, preparing himself for the inevitable stream of light that’s about to blind the shit out of him and he burrows his face into the pillow. The door slides open.

He can hear Steve take in a sharp breath at the state his room’s in. There are clothes strewn everywhere and the meals that’ve been sent up are lined up on the top of his dresser, untouched, and Bucky wishes he were asleep to avoid a confrontation he knows is coming. It always happens when Steve wants him to suck it up and get out in a gentle way, but this time, Bucky can’t scrub off the blood on his hands long enough to enjoy the fact that he’s alive.

Nah. All he can remember is every bullet fired, every news headline, every pair of eyes that have ever looked at him like he’s a monster. Beast. Feral.

“You gotta get up, Buck. Pull yourself outta this slump.”

“I don’t want to.” His voice is foreign, a terrible, growling thing that pushes out of his throat uncomfortably. “I’m tired.”

“Tony’s sister’s back from Somalia, and he went to the airport to pick her up.” Steve continues, walking around the room to clean up. He begins to fold clothes and throw dirty ones into the basket in the corner of his room before walking into the bathroom. Turning on the lights, he starts rooting around for something. “Gotta make a good first impression.”

“Why should I care?” He rolls over away from the light as Steve flushes the toilet and turns on the vent. It smells musty, the air thick with not enough oxygen and too much old. Bucky lifts his head from his pillow, squinting against the pale light of his bathroom.

“Because Tony loves his sister more than life itself and she’s great. You’re gonna like her.”

“If she’s anything like Stark, I doubt it,” he grumbles, letting his face fall back to the pillow for two more seconds before rolling onto the edge of the bed and sitting up. His head spins and black dots impede his vision as he rubs at his eyes blearily. Blood rushes down his body and he lets out a groan when his muscles stretch in his back.

“That’s the spirit, Buck,” Steve says. Bucky gets up on unsteady legs, his feet strangely stiff against the floor. “We’ve got some leftovers from lunch that you can have but first just get a bit cleaned up. Wash your face, brush your teeth. Promise you’ll feel a lot better.” Bucky’s lips twitch into an almost-smile but it fades just as soon as he realizes he has to look at himself in the mirror in the bathroom.

“Yeah.”

Steve nods, heading for the door. “I’ll heat up those leftovers.”

“Thanks.”

As a parting gift, Steve sets the lights in the room on a dim setting just for him. Bucky lumbers over to the bathroom and switches on the shower, the hiss of the water running white noise for his aching head. When he steps in, he just stands under the pelting hot rain, letting it wash away the oil in his head, the feeling of wearing someone else’s skin melting just a fraction.

He doesn’t know what to expect, but he does figure making a first impression is key.

He runs his fingers through his hair, scrubs the smell of sleep off his skin, and trims his beard until he’s happy enough with how it looks before changing into new clothes. He almost feels like new as he leaves his room. He tucks his hair behind his ears, walking mindlessly, just enjoying the languid stretch and bunch of his muscles.

Eventually he makes it to the kitchen, sliding into one of the stools on the island. Steve’s just taking some glass container out of the microwave when he spots his best friend.

“Hey. Spaghetti and meatballs.” Sliding it over to Bucky, he also hands over a fork and Bucky stabs at the spaghetti. His stomach rumbles at the smell and thought of eating, but he still doesn’t feel hungry enough. He feels weak. Tired. He wants to go back to bed but he also wants to stay out in the sun for a few hours more. The sun kisses his skin through the windows and he squints against the blue sky, wondering.

“Thanks.” Turning his gaze back to the leftovers, he twirls a fork into the spaghetti just as the sound of F.R.I.D.A.Y. overhead catches their attention. He looks to Steve who’s drying a mug with a towel and he shrugs. Bringing a bite into his mouth, Bucky swallows with a relieved sigh as Steve sets down the cup and towel, heading out of the kitchen to meet their visitor.

Biting into a meatball, Bucky feels something uneasy in him coil around him tight. He knows he’s in no shape to meet new people but he’s not going to be rude about it. Practicing a smile, it feels awkward on his lips but he can’t do a thing about it as he tries to think of what to say. He knows about you from what he’s heard Stark say about you and his own digging on his teammates. You have your own Wikipedia page and everything, just like your brother, and he knows it’s an extensive article.

Just be polite. Be yourself. A voice inside him is telling him things he should know but instead, another thought whispers, But what is ‘yourself’? You barely know who you are.

“I’m tired. Guess that’s to be expected but it’s fine.” He hears you before he sees you. Bucky pretends to be as casual as he can as he listens to the four sets of footsteps approach the kitchen. He ducks his head, focusing on the spaghetti and trying to fill up his stomach to stop the uncomfortable growl that’s rumbling inside. “It’s good to see you.”

“A year is too long,” he can hear Steve say and he arches an eyebrow. Miss her that much? Bucky doesn’t want to think about it. He’s only been back two months, and it’s already hard readjusting to his own new life, not to mention Steve’s new one too. “Let me help you with your bags.”

“Thanks. Is Jenny around?”

“Girl misses you.” Stark. “It’s been hard without her sponsor, but we’ve, or more I, kept her on track. God, is this what it’s like to raise a teenage daughter?”

Sponsor. Huh.

“It’s what it’s like to sponsor a teenager who thinks she knows everything, so you’ll have half the challenge.”

“Oh, great. Hopefully, they’ll be more like Pepper.”

“I’m hoping for that, too.” Ms. Potts is here, too. Bucky pauses to listen for the telltale clicks of her heels, and when he does, he resumes eating. He’s seen her once or twice, and it’d been made clear she wouldn’t judge him for his state when she’s seen everything with Tony. That eases some of the burden from his shoulders.

“Thank you, guys. I hate leaving her here alone.”

“She’s a strong kid, Y/N,” Steve says. “Just like you.”

“Don’t suck up to my sister, Rogers. She’s been back for all of two minutes.”

Agreed. If she’s so great, just plant a kiss on her, Steve. God knows you’re the better of us now.

He raises his head just in time to see Steve enter with bags hoisted on his shoulders and a giant smile on his face. Following after is Stark in a pristine suit, not a crease in sight, and the man gives him a quick inspection before he pulls off his sunglasses and folds them, slipping them into his breast coat pocket.

“You want something to eat, G.I. Jane?” Stark asks, pulling aside and that’s when Bucky finally sets his eyes on you. His back goes stiff as he straightens up and Steve barely hides his smile as he sets down your bags. You stand there, holding on to Pepper Potts’ arm when the smile on your face fades as soon as their eyes meet. His eyes rake over your face and your body—black eye, split lip, no sleep, field uniform. They must’ve just pulled you out and by the way you try not to heavily lean onto the woman beside you, it’s medical related. Still, there’s a glint to your eye, a hunger, and he’s not blind enough to not realize you aren’t one of the most attractive people he’s ever seen.

“I’m good,” you reply, your voice no longer as light as it was. Instead, it sounds masked, fake, and Bucky nearly frowns before forcing a smile onto his face. You sound like your brother, and if Bucky wasn’t just as good at lying to oneself as you think you are, maybe he wouldn’t have noticed. It’s like you’ve donned on a façade, a personality the media loves to eat up. He can read it in the eyes. It hasn’t seemed that way but the few times he’s been out with the rest of them, he’s seen the effortless switch Stark can make between Tony Stark and just Tony. “Uh, care to introduce me?”

Right. He’s forgetting himself.

Bucky slides off the kitchen stool, quite sure that there’s no spaghetti sauce on his lip, and you soak in his haggard appearance, an appearance you seem to mirror.

“Hi,” he says, sticking out a hand but you only look at him, unimpressed. His fake smile falters but he still keeps on despite how uncomfortable this situation is getting. “I’m Bucky.”

“Oh, right.” Your voice is flat, uninterested, cold, as you stare at him. “You killed my parents.”

Shit.

“Right, anyway,” Pepper cuts in before Tony, Steve, or Bucky can say anything. “We should be going to bring her to her room. Tony, would you…” The CEO nudges her head in the way of you and he perks up, sliding into his wife’s place and looping an arm through yours. The two leave the kitchen, heads bowed together and Pepper grabs the bags.

“I’m sorry about that,” she says, eyes focused on Bucky. “It’s been a hard year, and—”

“It’s fine,” Bucky murmurs, turning to sit back down. His stomach growls and he grabs the fork, stabbing a meatball.

“Well, I’m glad to see you, Mr. Barnes,” Pepper adds softly, and she sends a smile his way before hoisting the bags up. “See you later, Steve.”

“Yeah.”

The woman leaves, and Bucky swallows, the lump of meat sitting like rocks in his gut.

“She hates me,” he says flatly and Steve looks at him with a gentle smile—a smile he doesn’t deserve.

“She holds grudges. She’s like Tony that way and he forgave you, didn’t he?”

“Yes.” Bucky sighs, looking down at his spaghetti just as Steve comes around the kitchen island, claps him on the back. “But I don’t think she’s like Tony.”

“Eat up. She’ll come around.”

.

You didn’t come around. Bucky thinks you never did as he leaves his room and stares at the one just across, to the left of his. How often has he tread the few steps needed to cross the hall and walk into that room often full of music or the sounds of frustrated yells?

Your room is quiet, still as the dead.

You never slept there unless it was mission-related and you needed some sleep, or Bucky really pissed you off. Sometimes it was both.

Pressing his flesh hand against the metal door, he clenches his jaw before letting it slide open with a soft swish. The absent smell of clean laundry and your perfume lingers in the air and he walks in, trying to find any difference between now and the last time he was here.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y., when was the last time she was here?” he asks aloud.

“Four days ago. The last recorded entry was just before her disappearance but she has asked me to delete all footage concerning her on that night.”

“But you kept it?”

“Mr. Stark implemented a protocol Ms. Stark is unaware of. Should I make a rational call and believe that she is in danger, I am programmed to save any and all evidence that could be vital in securing her.”

“Then why haven’t you brought this to Tony?”

“Ms. Stark has coded in her own loophole in my program that Mr. Stark is unaware of. It prevents me from releasing any information that may compromise Ms. Stark and any of her activities she would rather keep secret. Like you, for example. Because I am unaware of her motives, I am caught in a bind between my two protocols.”

“Thanks, F.R.I.D.A.Y.” Bucky shakes his head, heading into your bathroom and turning on the lights. All of your skincare and soaps are still there, your toothbrush untouched, and there’s a towel still hanging on the rack. Your first-aid kit is still on the counter by the sink, not clasped shut. Nothing here. Backing out, he switches off the lights and crosses his arms over his chest, frowning deeply.

“Did she take anything?” He spins around, eyes passing over your dresser, your closet. “Clothes, makeup, anything?” Walking by your made bed, he catches sight of your workbench and approaches it.

His hands brush over the screen surface and it lights up at the swipe of his fingers. The text lights up along with a login and password and he frowns thoughtfully, pressing a hand against the screen. A line scans his palm and fingers, and his eyebrows rise when it gives him access.

WELCOME BUCKY BARNES

“Run surveillance.”

The screen burns into his corneas as the feed runs and he leans over, watching as you enter the room. You’re still in that tight dress you wore to the party and you’re stuffing clothes into your bag with no rhythm or reason as you root through your dresser, through your closet. Your head isn’t turned to the camera but by the way you’re constantly wiping at your face, he wonders if you’re crying.

The timestamp tells him you took one of your suits home and he swallows when you finally zip up your bags, glancing around to see if you’ve missed something only you know you’re looking for. When you’re satisfied, you rush to the table Bucky stands at now and brings up a file, a keyboard spreading across the surface.

“What is she doing?”

“Analyzing now.”

You want me to find you, right? he wonders to himself. His mind is a whirlwind of thoughts, of why, and how, and I’m sorry, and he’s starting to feel sick as you plug something into the bottom of your workbench.

F.R.I.D.A.Y. makes a soft hum as she reruns the clip.

“A USB was inserted.”

“What was on it?” Automatically, his hand mimics yours and brushes against a slick black thing. Crouching, he spots the USB plugged in, blended into the metal of your workbench. Your initials are carved into the butt, jagged and so you.

“Scanning.”

Standing up again, he enlarges the surveillance feed. He looks down at your interface, at the suit designs you have saved in your files and mission reports you’ve yet to file. Steve was always on your ass about that before his eyes pass over to the feed again. It’s magnetic the way his eyes follow your movements, the dance of your fingers over an interface.

“It’s a collection of surveillance clips strung together. It appears Ms. Stark had a stalker.” The A.I.’s voice weaves into his ears as another voice streams through the workbench and Bucky frowns when a clip plays just as it does in the video.

“Can you play what she’s watching?”

The clip cuts to another and he looks at the time stamp and location. Three hours earlier.

Miami.

Shit. Bucky closes his eyes. He knows what this is. The audio continues to run and he pushes back, stung. He hears the sound of the slamming door and prays it’s the slam of the door when you walked away from him.

He is not so lucky.

“What the fuck was that?”

He stumbles back at the sound of his voice, his legs hitting the mattress. Bucky falls back, sinking into the bed, sucking in a huge breath as he stares up at your ceiling. You used to project stars onto the ceiling because it made your world so much bigger. He remembers, before everything got so fucking complicated, AKA the past week, he would spend hours next to you, pointing out constellations after he’d fucked you into the mattress.

How much simpler it was, then.

“What? You mean the reason I’m throwing a party in the first place?”

“Yeah. Yeah, the reason you’re throwing a party. This is what it’s for? Not because we just pulled off the fucking impossible?”

Your incredulous laugh: bitter, cold. “I’m allowed to choose I don’t want to do this anymore, Barnes. I’m allowed to fuck someone who isn’t you.”

“That’s not what this is about!”

“Isn’t it? That guy had his hands all over me and you couldn’t help but look like you wanted to punch his lights out. You just happened to want to talk to me the instant we started dancing. Just a coincidence, huh?”

“He is bad news.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Yes, I do! It’s what you do when you’re sad. You latch onto people you think can give you the same high. It’s not healthy, robin.”

“Who the fuck do you think you are trying to control me? My fucking dad? Newsflash, you’re the guy who killed him and newsflash, he didn’t give two shits about who I really was. You think he saw me and thought I was a person? Fucking saw me as more than his perfect little charity case?”

“Y/N—”

“You have some fucking nerve thinking you have any say in what I decide to do with what life I have left. I’ve spent ten years trying to protect innocent people, and keep this together, but I can’t. I am miserable! I am so alone.” The cry in your voice splits Bucky in two as it did the first time he heard you, so weak, so isolated and little. You were cracking at the seams and he watched as you held yourself together in that room, sucking in a breath. “I am so alone except when I’m with you, and you know how much I hate that? I hate you!”

“I know, robin. I’m right here. Talk to me.”

A quivering breath—Bucky can hear your shaking through your voice as you clear your throat. “I just… I can’t, anymore. I can’t stand you. This needs to end, Barnes. I… I need to go after what I want, even if it means stepping away from this.”

“There are people who need you. I can help you—”

“I want a family. Kids, a guy who actually likes me more than my money.” He can imagine the tilt of your head, your ironic smile. His heart wilts at the thought of it. “Can you help me find a guy like that?” Pause. Your chuckle rings bitter. “Knew I wouldn’t be able to find it here.”

“So, this isn’t enough for you.”

Crackle. The audio cuts so quietly that Bucky almost thinks the footage has shorted but then he hears your voice, and he knows it’s not over. He can still replay the scene line by line, block by block in his head: straight out of a fucking movie.

“It isn’t.”

“Then, what was Singapore?” Quiet, remorseful, Bucky has never sounded so pitiful. It had been surprising in the moment, but now he only feels the wave of sorrow that slowly fills his lungs.

A moment, three beats of the heart. Bucky can almost imagine your brain turning in that small pause when everything inside his chest collapsed at the revelation that showed itself so clearly. And grief morphs into rage, if it is given the right rot to sink into.

“Nothing.”

“You’re lying.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are. You’re lying, because I know you, Y/N. I do know you, and you know me. You know I’m not afraid of you. You want a family? You got one right here.”

“Well, I don’t want this one.”

Ragged breathing. He swore he could hear I don’t want you bouncing off the walls.

Bucky wants to knock himself out to stop himself from hearing this torture, from reliving all the regret that comes down on him in waves but he can’t. He loves the pain that comes with you, the difficulty of knowing you. It has made his every day a welcomed challenge ever since he met you.

“Then what kinda family do you want, huh? Picket fence, apple pie on the weekends?” There is no answer. “Are you so incapable of recognizing what you want that you’ll jump into bed with any guy who shows the slightest bit of decency towards you? Because then you’re just setting yourself up for more hurt when you realize that you are not going to be happy with him.”

“I slept with you, didn’t I?”

In hindsight, Bucky knows it stings more than it did the first time around.

“And you hate me. And you’ll hate whoever you love who isn’t someone like us because he won’t understand the way you want him to. He will never understand you. You’ll hate yourself because you can’t love him the way you want to, the way he will love you, and you don’t deserve your own hate. You deserve better than that.”

“You have no idea what I deserve.”

He has a crystal clear idea of what you deserve. It is more than the world has to offer, it is more than he can ever give you.

“No.” Finality. The swing of a guillotine. Within moments, everything had fractured between you two. “I guess I don’t. I have no idea who you are, or your problems, or anything about your life. I don’t know you at all, so why not let me be honest since we’re complete strangers?” The sarcasm is dripping from his voice and you let out a disbelieving scoff.

“Oh, for the love of—”

“You‘re so terrified of opening yourself up again that the next time a guy hurts you, you’re afraid you’re not gonna make it. But you think you’re so riddled with problems that no one will ever love you. You’re so convinced that you’re unlovable.” Recording-Bucky pauses, watching your reaction. “Even though it’s not true.

“Yes, it is.”

“I don’t want to tell you for the billionth time that any guy would be lucky to have even a scrap of your attention, robin. I don’t want to keep telling you when you don’t even try to believe it. So, tell me, how are you gonna find your ‘dream man’ if you think you’re unlovable? Is he just gonna fly into your lap like a fucking angel? Do you even know what you’re looking for?” He waits, then: “I thought so.”

You exhale sharply, and it’s bitter against the roof of his mouth as delicate, fake niceties wave their way into your words. “You know what? I’ll figure it out without you, and I didn’t throw a party to be attacked by the one person who’s supposed to have my back. You don’t have to be happy for me, but you could’ve at least sucked it up and held yourself back from ruining my night. I’m leaving, whether you like it or not. Good luck with your new partner, Barnes.”

Fading clicks of heels that stop at his words.

“Oh, so now you’re walking away because I’m right?”

“Oh, no, I’m not walking away from your incessant need to be right. I’m walking away from you.” There is a moment of silence, as if to grieve what has come to pass, and when you speak again, you’re so incredibly sad that Bucky’s heart is in shambles in his chest. His lungs weep, his ribs ache, and he rolls onto his side, eyes closed as he lets the sound of words he still remembers wash over him. “You’re ridiculous. You know that right?” You laugh again, except it’s colder, more incredulous and shackled with sadness. He wishes he didn’t know you so well. “You’re fucking transparent.”

Echoing footsteps.

“If you walk away now, don’t bother coming back!”

Silence. Bucky can hear his own strained breathing, your soft sigh as you soaked in his ultimatum.

“Don’t worry. I won’t.”

The door slams shut.

Bucky tells F.R.I.D.A.Y. to shut off the workbench and simply lays there on your bed for he doesn’t know how long.

He thinks he will simply shatter should he put his foot on the ground again.

.

You're cold, arrogant, and smarter than almost everyone in the room and you know it. You own it, and if Bucky didn’t hate that kind of person who thinks she’s better than anyone just because she’s rich, he’d admire both you and your beauty.

But you are rich, and entitled, and absolutely, in some way or another, the worst. You’re worse than your brother, spiteful, and quick to anger, but that might be because you hate Bucky in particular. That’s fine. Bucky doesn’t particularly have an inclination to be your friend either. In fact, he’d rather you stay away to avoid any clashes that have barely been prevented by your off-hand comment of him not being worth the energy and his talent for ignoring you despite how you get his blood boiling.

Unfortunately, your room is right across the hall from his, and what he gets out of you is a passing glance full of spite every morning to really start his day. Sometimes, he sees you and you’re on the phone or in the gym, running drills with Tony in the air, or just flat out ignoring him, but most of the time, you’re not even at the compound, and Bucky prefers this the most.

He supposes passive loathing is better than you, with your unlimited resources, actively trying to ruin his life. He can’t help but match your level of dislike when you blast music in the mornings and your rain noises at night.

He’s woken up to your music to shout at you to turn it down every day you’ve raised it above a decent limit, but you simply ignore him, close the door on his face, and emerge thirty minutes later for your morning jog.

Bucky can’t go back to sleep after, so he has no choice but to socialize with whoever’s awake at six in the morning who turn out to be Steve and Sam Wilson. He joins their gym competition, welcomes the stretch and pull of muscles in the early hours to wake himself up despite how hard it is to get his body to pull itself out of bed. Steve likes that he’s out of his room more often, anyway, so he supposes he should be grateful for small blessings, even if he doesn’t show it.

Whenever Steve brings it up, Bucky shoots back he can’t go back to his room because there is no existence of peace or quiet.

It’s on one such a morning that he’s standing outside, listening to the beginnings of some seventies jam pound through the walls, that he reminds himself of this fact.

“Open up, Stark!” he yells, telling himself if you don’t answer, he’s gonna pound that door down. “I’m not gonna ask again.” Something shuffles inside and he frowns, leaning in closer to try to listen in on the muffled voices before it swings open and he jerks back, face settling in a scowl his muscles are trained to do every time he sees you.

“What?” Your voice is sharper than the sharpest blade as you glower at him and the sight of you burns itself into its irises. He knows you’re put together. That’s the mask you like to put up—you’re a Stark, you have to be. Rarely has he ever seen your brother a mess around people he doesn’t know, but now you appear before him. You’re pale, in the clothes he’d seen you wear the night before, and everything about you reminds him of something fading away as you wait for him to speak.

“Are you alright?” he asks stiffly, and you merely stare at him blankly for a moment as if you were going to answer truthfully before the sound of someone throwing up catches both of their attention. Turning around, you disappear into your room, and Bucky stands outside awkwardly, waiting. The music is still blasting but he realizes it’s one he recognizes. Trouble Man of a soundtrack of the same name. Sam always recommends it to him whenever he mentions something even remotely related to music.

“It’s okay, it’s okay. Come on, just get it out.” The sound of your voice, smooth and warm, draws him in and he tentatively walks into your room, eyes scanning his surroundings. Another bout of retching draws him to the bathroom where he sees a pair of legs sprawled over the tile. You hold a girl by her arm, the other scooping her hair behind her head.

“Glad to hear you’ve begun to wake at a decent hour, Barnes,” you comment without turning your head away from the girl hunched over your toilet seat. Finally, she pulls back and collapses against you, and you grab at a rag above your head hanging on the countertop and pat at her forehead. “Get her into bed.”

“No…” the girl moans, legs curling underneath her as she pulls into a ball. Bucky’s eyes widen. She looks so small. “Don’t wanna move.”

“It’s alright, darling. He’s gonna carry you.” Your eyes find his again and he walks in, crouching by her waist. “On three.” Bucky’s hands scoop underneath her knees and the other goes underneath her back as you grab the trashcan and stack of towels.

“One, two, three.” With a gentle yet hasty lift, the girl is hoisted into the air and transported onto the bed. Bucky backs up as soon as she’s down and you rush in beside him. You begin to tuck her into bed, your movements practiced, and Bucky is struck with the realization.

“This is Jenny,” he breathes, and you turn to him, eyes narrowed. “What do you need me to do?”

“Get a basin, fill it with cold water, and more trash bags.” Nodding, he turns back to the bathroom, opening the cabinet beneath the sink to pull out a plastic basin. “Fuck, Jen. It’s okay, let it all out.” Over the stream of water, he pricks his ear to the sound of a sob-wrecked voice.

“‘M sorry, Y/N. Just wanted to feel better.”

“I know.”

“It was so hard.”

“I know. Hey, it’s okay. I’m glad you came to me, okay?” Turning off the sink, he walks back to the bed and sets the basin by your feet before procuring some trash bags and setting them by the trash can as well. You’re leaned over, dotting the girl’s brow as he takes the moment to look around your room. It’s messy, a mess of clothes and bags strewn everywhere, books on tables, forgotten cups, but it’s organized. He can see it. “Get some sleep, okay? You’re gonna feel pretty fucking shitty over the next few weeks.”

“I know.” Bucky’s gaze drags back to you as you pull back on your heels, standing up straight. Your eyebrows are drawn together still as you pull the covers up to the girl’s chin. Wiping at your own forehead with the back of your hand, you nearly back up into him and he holds out his hands to prevent you from bumping into him.

The instant his fingers make contact with your back, you whip around like a startled deer.

“You,” you breathe, sounding strangely spooked and he backs up, hands where you can see them. You swallow and the fear in your eyes washes away when you blink. Clearing your throat, you try to make yourself seem more presentable with a swipe of hair out of your face, a clearing of your throat, but he doesn’t know why it matters.

“Is she going to be okay?” he asks with a quick glance at Jenny who’s slipped away already. You brush past him, turning down the music from your phone, plucking a hoodie from a hook on the wall and jerking your head for him to follow.

“She’ll be fine.” Opening the door, you lean against the wall outside as Bucky steps into the pale, luminescent lights. It’s much cooler outside, the blue making the metal look cold as you pull on the hoodie and cross your arms over your chest.

You’re wearing an AC/DC hoodie, and Bucky counts himself lucky he hasn’t woken up to that yet. He gets enough from Stark blasting it as they take the quinjet on missions.

“Close the door a bit,” you say, but everything that comes out of your mouth sounds like an order. Still, Bucky complies before looking at you blankly. He’s come to expect nothing but hostility from you, and instead, you look almost relieved. “Don’t tell Tony why I brought her here. She texted me last night in the city and I had to pick her up.”

“I thought she was getting better,” Bucky says and you scowl. He knows you don’t like what he’s implying but he keeps his tone cool, even. “Stark took care of her the year you were gone, right?”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought, but she was lying.”

“To Iron Man?” It takes guts, and a whole lotta skill. Bucky narrows his eyes at you, but you stand upright, unafraid to stare back. Normally, a passing glance causes recruits to scatter, but you merely let the cold slide off of you. “What kinda kid does that?”

“She’s an addict. Addicts are good at lying, Barnes, for whatever reason they have.” You fiddle with your phone in your hand before uncrossing your arms and looking at the screen. “Fuck. It’s seven, already?”

“Miss your morning jog?” he retorts half-heartedly, and you shoot him a glare, pocketing the device and brushing past him.

“Yeah, actually. I had more important things to worry about.” Letting the door click shut behind you, he listens to you shuffle around inside your room, presumably cleaning up and goes back into his room with a slam.

At lunch, you come down to grab an extra bowl of stew for Jenny and Bucky offers to make up your run with one together in the evening as he hands you a bowl he’s ladled with extra beef and carrots. You tell him you’re busy and brush him off without a second look back.

“And Jenny?” he asks lowly, but you merely shoot him a look that tells him to shut up.

“I can take care of her myself,” you growl softly, snatching the bowl and disappearing through the doorway. Tony makes a comment about grudges, Steve doesn’t say a word.

Before he heads to bed, Bucky hears you whispering tired phrases over the sound of Jenny throwing up again and lets himself in. You’re in too big clothes that nearly swallow your frame and you’re exhausted as you run a hand down Jenny’s back who dry heaves until she collapses against the tub. You reek of coffee and Bucky wrinkles his nose at the smell of acid and regurgitated beef stew, watching your limp hand flush the toilet.

“Are you sure I can’t help?” he asks, and you glance up, eyes barely open. Lips curving down, you shake your head and fight to stay awake as Jenny curls into a ball against the tile. Your arms are propped up on your knees and your head dips as you let out a sigh.

“Get out,” you whisper. Bucky frowns, soaking in your words before stepping inside. He ignores your stink eye as he scoops up Jenny again, bringing her to your bed, and he lays her down, pulling the covers to her chin. A stale glass of water and an empty bowl lay on the bed stand while his foot kicks into the first aid kid tucked underneath the bed.

Turning to the bathroom, his feet barely make a sound against the floor as he spots you frozen in your spot, head dipped.

Bucky doesn’t need to be a super soldier to know you’re fast asleep. Crouching, he listens to your steady breathing, the soft mumbles under your breath and he gently pokes your arm.

“Wake up,” he whispers and you jolt awake, your back ramming hard against the cupboard with a painful gasp. Your leg jerks back, your knee to your chest and he flinches back, hands raised just as your foot collides with his solar plexus. The air pushed out of his lungs, he slams back into the tub with a painful slam, and he sucks in a huge breath, clutching his chest. “Fuck—”

“Don’t fucking touch me.” Your breathing is jagged, your chest heaving. Within your eyes, he sees something wild flare behind your irises and he sinks into the floor, slouched against the tub.

“Okay,” he replies, quiet. He doesn’t want to wake Jenny up and the only sound is your desperate breaths, your hiccuping sighs. Your eyes are still wild, and you stare at him with an open fear he has not seen ever reside in your gaze. “Y/N—”

“Get out,” you whisper harshly between your teeth. He can tell it takes all your courage not to scream, your whole body taut with the urge to run. He stands up slowly, hands open so you can see his every movement. “Get out.”

“I’m going.” Leaving the room slowly, he feels your stare burn into your back and there’s a clatter of something against the floor tile. The sound of whales humming ushers him out and the door slams shut behind him as soon as he’s out the door. There’s a ravenous hole inside him, devouring him in bit by bit the longer he stands outside your door, and his judgement gets the better of him as he turns around with the deepest sigh.

Pressing his ear against the door, he closes his eyes and tries to listen past the whale crooning but he can’t. Besides, it settles on his skin uneasily—a thick coat of oil and discomfort that traps him in. He returns back to his room and doesn’t sleep right away as he usually does.

He’s breaking habits around you, whether he likes it or not. Pulling out a notebook Steve bought for him a few days after he found him, he picks a pen from his small collection, and begins to write.

.

“You haven’t seen her?” Bucky asks, running a hand through his hair. On the other end of the phone, Jenny makes a small noise that tells him no.

“Not since the last meeting. She was fine, but she looked tired. That’s all.” Flipping over the sleek USB in his hand, Bucky runs a thumb along your initials and sighs. “You… you don’t think—”

“If she went off the tracks, there would’ve been warning signs,” he assures her quietly. “We know that. No McDonald’s, no spending spree, no random gifts.” Leaning against the rails of the compound, he looks at the crowd of news reporters outside. Tony has a press conference in half an hour.

It’s been two days since the Avengers social media accounts released a statement regarding a mission you’ve gone off to. It’ll buy them time without anyone expecting you, but as always, the media is questioning what mission, where, why, how. They want all the details.

“Completely off the grid operation,” Steve had offered. Tony agreed for lack of a better idea. The man was out of his mind, eye bags Bucky had seen frequently drag at your eyes brushing his face.

“Did she ever tell you anything about a stalker?” He dips his chin to look at his cleaned boots. There’s still a mud scuff on the toe from his walk through the woods earlier to clear his head of you, but it’s nothing a few swipes with a towel can’t fix.

“No, why?” Jenny’s voice twinges and Bucky sighs again. He doesn’t have enough energy to breathe these days when it’s all spent on trying to find clues of what you’ve left behind. “At the last AA meeting, she talked about Afghanistan. It’s the first time I’ve ever heard her talk about it around a bunch of people she doesn’t know.”

“She went into detail?”

“Not too much. Just ended with what she always says.”

“‘You can’t wait for someone to fly underneath you and save your life. I think you have to save yourself.’” As Bucky quotes it, he can hear your voice saying it, cold, dead, ravaged by tears you’ve never stopped unleashing. God, it was one of your go to excuses for ignoring help even when he thought you needed it. It infuriated him—it made him respect you, anyway. “Well, she can fly alright.”

“Yeah. It was her go to thing to say whenever I wallowed in my self-pity, and decided enough was enough. I always thought she was the worst person I’ve ever met.”

“You probably know far worse,” Bucky replies distantly. You know me. “But she did something right. You’re okay, now.”

“I only wish I could’ve helped her somehow,” she says. “Since the day I met her… hah, she was an angry person, Bucky. And lonely, and sad. And she never counted on anyone. Never asked for a thing for herself. Never trusted anyone except herself.” For a moment, Jenny doesn’t say anything despite him knowing she has something on her tongue. Bucky’s flesh hand wraps around the pole, feeling it cool against his hot palm. “That changed when she met you.”

Liked. Was. As if you are dead and he has failed you. As if they’ve ripped off every tooth and claw off of you, drained you of your spirit that has shattered and mended too many times for him to count. As if you are missing, and he has fucked up, and his tongue is heavy in his mouth as he clears his throat and his mind.

“Mhm.”

“I know she never said it, but she did. She trusted you.”

“Yeah, well,” he breathes with a shrug, twisting so he faced the railing. The coil inside of him pulls tighter, “we’ll figure that out after we find out.”

“She talked about her death so often, I feel like it’s real this time. Like she’s really missing and she doesn’t want to be found,” comes the hushed reply. “I don’t want to give up, Bucky, but—”

“I know.”

“Call me if you find anything,” Jenny orders, sounding a lot like you. Bucky agrees, lifeless. As if he wouldn’t.

“I’d feel better if you stayed at the compound.”

“Maybe I’ll come over later tonight. I’m gonna go watch the press junket, see what Tony says, and then go to class. Keep my mind off of it, and the possibilities.”

“Okay. Stay safe, and call me. I’m still here for you.” Jenny hangs up and Bucky groans, tilting his head back and bracing himself against the rail. You are much better at handling her than he is. Always was.

“Hard night?” He cranes his neck to see Natasha walking up to him in a pencil skirt and dress jacket. Huh. Black Widow all dressed up and no place to go.

“Harder day. You going to the junket?” he asks, arching an eyebrow at her outfit and she smiles but there’s nothing to it. He figures. Natasha loved you like a sister. Loved. He needs to not pick up the habit of talking about you like you’re dead. You aren’t.

He would’ve felt it if you were. He knows it.

“Yeah. Tony needs the support, and I’ll be there in case he needs me to take over. He’s losing his mind over this. You?”

“No. Stark’s good at playing the press and he doesn’t need me there when I’m pretty sure he hates me,” Bucky says and Natasha’s smile shrinks, leaning in beside him. “I’m always fucking his family over.” His poor attempt at a joke makes her chuckle wryly, the sound coming out choked and wet. “You okay, Nat?”

“I know we’re trying to be positive here, but… she said someone was following her. I told her it was crazy. That no one would fucking snatch her when we’re there, but…” Pinching the bridge of her nose, she closes her eyes and trails of tears race down her cheeks. “She was so worried about something else that I said I’d keep an eye out for her. If someone did catch her… and that’s why… I fucked up, James.” Her eyes meet his again, wide with fear, open to the softest spots of her. It’s rare and it alarms Bucky to no end. If Natasha’s scared, there’s a reason to be fucking terrified.

“We all did,” he murmurs, shoving his hands in his pockets. “You should probably head down there before they kill you.”

“Ah, yeah. Give me a sec.”

“Okay.” Bucky turns and leans back onto the railing again, letting a gentle silence rest over the two trained killers. He doesn’t say anything when Natasha lets out a soft, shuddering breath and wipes at her face with a tissue from a pack in her pocket. In turn, she offers him one. He declines. Natasha shrugs and wipes away smears of makeup that she somehow knows are there. Bucky never understood the magic of it all—you and Nat had such a talent for seeming so put together it made you both impossible to read.

Bucky likes to think he’s gotten better at it over the past two years, for the both of them.

His throat aches as he blinks, and the stinging in his eyes eases as he sucks in a cold breath. The heel of his flesh hand rubs at his face angrily, swiping away his grief and Natasha pretends not to see it, putting away her pack.

“She’s missing. I know she is,” Natasha says with dreadful confidence. “But I also know she doesn’t want you to give up on her, you know? She liked you more than anyone.”

“Yeah, that’s what people keep telling me,” he snaps, voice rough, grating. She doesn’t want you to give up, some part of his head notes, not doesn’t want ‘us’. Bucky’s gaze meets Natasha’s, and the woman merely smiles softly. She knows he’s caught her. “Funny way of showing it.”

“You know she didn’t hate you,” Nat whispers, a hand on his forearm. Bucky shakes his head, hair curtaining him away from his old student. “You know you didn’t hate her. It isn’t too late to make things right.” A pressure crushes him from the center of his head, a world placed between his shoulders as he struggles to hold up this façade you can wear for months on end.

He doesn’t hate you.

“It’d be much easier if I knew she was dead already. I know how to make peace with ghosts.”

It’d be much easier if he did.

Natasha’s mouth curls into a wry smile. “As if she’d ever make peace with you.”

.

The only time Bucky really is forced to spend time with you is when they run drills, and Bucky likes to think he works well with you if you can hold your tongue for more than two seconds. You’re a snarky little thing who can warn him not to bring up Jenny again with just a single glance and convey your intent to target with just the twitch of your lip. Then again, you’re easy to read on the battlefield. You make your objectives clear.

His knuckles ache wonderfully and he can hear a solid kick land a few ways off. Turning, he watches as you twist to launch a powerful sidekick at a dummy, letting it fly a few feet away before going to grab it.

“Where were you stationed?” he asks wearily as you wipe the sweat off your brow. Half of him yells for even approaching the beast, but he’s not afraid of you. You just piss him off so easily and by your arched brow in surprise that he’s talking to you, you know it. A call over the PA warns them of supper, and Bucky sighs, wiping at sweat with the back of his hand.

His muscle shirt is slick with the evidence of his labour as he hoists the dummies up to carry them back into the warehouse a little ways off. You pick up your own dummy and walk after him. “Before Somalia, I mean?” How did you get your own set of problems, he asks quietly to himself, because they don’t just start overnight and you don’t get help like everyone else. What is it with you? Pride?

“Former navy. Cryptologic linguist, two tours, then Afghanistan. I’m head of the Stark Relief Foundation, so I was touring with my brother at his insistence,” you say flatly. “It went wrong. That’s it.”

He stops along the track, meeting your eyes. You skid to a halt beside him. “Kidnapped?” Like your brother?

Your eyes are piercing but he doesn’t falter. He can tell no one really speaks your mind around you so when your eyes command him to shut up, he doesn’t. It might be pushing you a bit, but he has a feeling no one asks. Maybe they’re too afraid of you like you’re some princess, but he doesn’t care.

Bucky’s never met a princess quite like you before.

“None of your business,” you correct. He scoffs, rolls his eyes and meets your eyes again.

“You got a therapist?”

“Oh, you know what?” You put on a sickly sweet smile, dumping your dummy at his feet. “Put it away for me, won’t you, sarge?” The thing bounces against his shins, and the beginnings of his own smirk drop off his face as you begin to walk away.

“I don’t work for you, Stark. Clean up after yourself.”

He watches as your figure turns around, your lips turned in a mocking pout. “Oh, I do, but seeing as you’re about to become insufferable, I need to take a walk.”

“Can’t take it?”

“You’re the one with a million questions. Why don’t you figure anything out before you ask stupid questions like the paps? The internet exists for a reason.”

“I like to rely on the primary source,” he shoots back and you laugh. It sounds just as mocking as your pout looked and the sound strangles out any air in his lungs. His blood boils at your grin.

“As if the primary source is reliable. Which you should understand by the way.”

Your words work underneath his skin and his lips twist deeply into a scowl. “Thanks for the reminder. At least I’m getting help for my problems. When’s the last time you saw your therapist?”

“Don’t have one. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.” Really? Liar. “Who’s the one with the chip, anyway? I think that’s fucking dealing.”

Who’s the one who needs one? Bucky wants to say in kind, but he doesn’t. “You know just as well I do that it isn’t.”

“I hate you,” you tell him plainly. “You have no idea what happened or what I’ve been through and you’re making these assumptions that I need to deal with something. I don’t.”

“Does anyone really know what happened to you?” he snaps, dropping his targets to the grass.

He expects you to jut out your chin, say yes, obviously. Your whole life is plastered on social media—Instagram, Twitter, the occasional Snapchat story—that you’re a book everyone and no one knows how to read.

“No.” Your voice colder than the antifreeze in his blood and his eyebrows rise at the shimmer of doubt in your gaze. “And I don’t want to talk about it with someone like you.”

“Which is?” He keeps his tone even despite the simmering, bitter sensation that cramps up his chest and urges him to throw himself forward and scream.

“A killer—” You walk up to him, eyes unforgiving— “who thinks there’s damage in everyone just ‘cause the world fucked up with you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” Your eyebrows rise and fall as you shove your face into his. You’re tantalizingly close, and he frowns at the lick of fire inside his gut when you snarl, “I’m not fucking broken, Barnes. You don’t know shit about me. You don’t need to psychoanalyze me and try to figure out what’s wrong with the rich girl.”

“Something's always wrong with the rich girl,” he retorts, and you laugh. It’s empty, hollow, but still, you laugh and it makes him uneasy, cornered, prey.

“Not me. My life is fucking peachy right now. Hell, I’m talking to the guy who killed my mom and somehow not strangling him despite every thought in my head telling me to wrap my hands around your throat.” You tilt your head, and a saccharine smile somehow splits your face eerily. “Guess I’m the bigger person that way.” You begin to walk away from him and Bucky opens his mouth, his throat cinched shut as he tries to calm the rage inside him. “See you around, sarge.”

He waits until you’re gone before he begins the journey to the warehouse.

He has to make a return trip for the dummy you dropped at his feet, and he’s late for supper. Steve asks why he’s late, and Bucky doesn’t miss your sly smirk as you dig into your burger.

“No reason,” he lies. “Just decided to take my time from the warehouse.”

Two can play at that game.

#fic: far from home #kas4kwc #captainkelli500fam #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes imagine #bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky barnes x you #bucky fic #bucky fanfiction #bucky imagine #sebastian stan #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan x you #sebastian stan fic #sebastian stan fanfiction #my writing

[crossovereddie]

Thoughts on Gallavich Hall of Shame

Wow okay this is the latest I’ve ever posted a weekly recap and I feel awful about it but mom life amirite? I’ve seen a lot of negative posts about this episode( maybe I just follow the wrong people) so ngl I’m kinda worried about watching it. Ugh. This is why I try to not look up things until I’ve had a chance to recap because I hate being influenced by other people’s opinions BUT I’m gonna try my best to find the positive things in the episode and keep this light hearted and fun like I’ve been trying to do all season! Okay I’ll shut up now and get right into why you’re really reading this post:

Oh baby Gallavich :(((((

THEY WERE SO LITTLE

Bitch don’t even say the word divorce

They’re sitting side by side playing a game together 😭😭😭😭

Mickey loves blowing ian pass it on

Oh fuck I forgot that belt move ian did 🤤🤤🤤

Nob job lmao

MID GOBBLE

ugh Ned was the most disgusting piece of shit

Who are those two exes wtf

I don’t know their names but I forgot I never watched any episode Mickey wasn’t in lmao

WAIT A WOMAN WHAT THE FUCK

Wow Mickey Milkovich really deserves so much better

Compilation of Mickey saying fuck THANK YOU

Omfg s4 Mickey was actually perfect

“Course you will. That’s your whole fucking MO” oh shit..

Wow remembering the past is really making me hate ian again lmao

Just when I started loving him for once

But then I remember how much he’s grown and I love him again

Fuck the writers tho

Let me write Gallavich please I’d do a much better job

Okay y’all really made it seem like Mickey was super offensive with his bipolar comment

I’m bipolar and hate when people use the term lightly but cmon guys that was nothing

He even called it a bipolar episode. He didn’t say anything offensive at all omfg. I was over here thinking he called him a psycho or something.

Some of y’all just gotta stop watching and stick to fanfics or something.

“I wish I never met you.” “Me either” THEN THEIR FUCKING WEDDING FUCK YALL NOW IM IN MY FEELS 😭😭

They’ve been through so much wow

Okay I need to see Mickey wearing a fanny pack

THE RING AND THE FLASHBACK STOP

GIVE MICKEY AND IAN A BABY

Fuck I need to rewatch the wedding

“Stupid gallagher” same

Mickey giving the Fanny pack back my boy is such a Good Samaritan wow I raised you so well I’m so proud my perfect son

SHIT I JUST REALIZED WHAT SONG IS PLAYING FUCK THIS YALL IM OUT 😭😭😭😭😭

Oh gosh I thought we were done seeing ian Gallagher’s dance moves

Why would they put us through that again

“Stupid Milkovich” you watch your mouth

But we love when a man learns from his mistakes

Now kiss

Mickey is beautiful damn ian is so lucky

Now this is the type of flashback I like to see

MICKEY SAYING HES SENSITIVE DO YALL REALIZE HOW BIG THAT IS?!

Ugh I love him so much

I’m so proud to be his mom

Okay unpopular opinion but I actually love that little how’d your bipolar tirade go how’d your stealing shit go

If you’ve been with someone through their rock bottoms you’ll understand how not offensive at all that interaction was

They both said things they felt bad about saying and now they’re having a bit of banter about it

“We work well together”

GUYES THEYRE ACTUALLY TALKING THINGS OUT THIS IS HUGE

They needed space after feelings got hurt but now they’re coming together to make up and actually talk things over

They’re learning and growing apart AND together

They both had the horrible childhoods and they’re doing their best

It takes years and years of therapy to work through deep rooted issues like that. I’m STILL seeing a therapist twice a week and I still have issues.

Just imagine. They’re how old? Mid to late twenties and neither of them have properly dealt with their issues and mental health problems. You can’t expect them to be the perfect couple you read about in fanfics. Yeah shameless is over the top but it’s a tv show that has stayed on the air for 11 seasons BECAUSE of how over the top it is. Stop expecting these characters to be healed healthy woke changed characters from one season to the next when they haven’t even properly dealt with their issues and it would honestly be very ooc if they did deal with their issues in a healthy way

I wish they would but that’s not the shameless way.

Well that was a long rant but honestly it was needed

Ugh I hate reliving terry this is the worst my heart is breaking

I skipped fast

Terry is definitely worse but yeah they’re both pieces of shit

Shit I forgot how abusive frank was

They both deserve so much better

They’re so cute oh gosh

We love communication

Okay but fr taking a bath with your SO isn’t as romantic as people think or maybe I’m just not a romantic lmao

Unless it’s a big bathtub with leg room

Mickey has the best lines

He’s so funny 😭😭😭

Mickey loves being manhandled✨✨✨✨

Honestly? I really think they would be really into some safe consensual bdsm play and they deserve to have that

PICK HIM UP IAN PLEASE ITS WHAT HE WANTS

fucking love you

I love you too

MUTUAL I LOVE YOUS ARE MY FAVORITE THING

IAN LOVES TO DO THE THUMB THING I CANT

HE DID IT EIGHT TIMES IN THREE SECONDS I COUNTED

they’re so perfect for each other :(((

A kissing compilation 😭😭

THE S7 VAN KISS HAS MY HEART

I still want a scene of Mickey making fun of Ian’s black hair

THE WEDDING 😭😭😭

I’m in tears again

THE KEY CHANGE WITH IAN SAYS MICKEY STILL GETS ME 😭😭😭😭

“Now?” HOW DOES ONE WORD GET SUCH A BIG REACTION FROM ME

I deserved to be at that wedding 😭😭😭

“But not these newlyweds” damn right

THE BLOOPERS

I love them so much

I LOVE SEEING NOEL AND CAM AT WORK

What a treat

SWEET LOVING MOUTH

THE THUMB THING AGAIN

JUST FOR ME

I MISS SEASONN FOUR MICKEY I WANNA GO WATCH HIM NOW

I love Mickey more than anything 😭😭

Okay that was so much better than I was expecting! I know I ranted a lot and I’m probably gonna get some angry comments and messages but I honestly don’t care. Have your opinion and I’ll have my own and if you wanna discuss things like adults I’ll reply but if not then I don’t have time for the negativity. My boys actually communicated and didn’t self sabotage for once and I’m so proud. I love not being as invested as I used to be because now I can actually enjoy their scenes! Anyway it’s late where I’m at and I haven’t been getting much sleep so I’m gonna stop rambling. Let me know what you thought of this episode! Oh and real quick! I noticed I got a flood of new followers in the past two weeks so i just wanted to say feel free to send me messages on and off anon! I like talking to y’all! I promise I’m nice lol! Okay bye I love Mickey so much!

#weekly recap #shameless final season #shameless s11 #hall of shame #shameless hall of shame #Gallavich hall of shame #mickey milkovich #gallavich #shameless #ian gallagher #noel fisher #shameless us #cameron monaghan #my tiniest son #mickey gallagher #Mickey and Ian #ian and mickey #ian x mickey #mickey x ian #uncle mickey

[girlsbtrs]

How Being a Woman in Hardcore Helped Me Learn to Love Myself

Written by Jen Moglia. Graphic by Laura Cross. 

Since this is my first piece written for Girls Behind the Rock Show, I figured that I should introduce myself; hi, my name is Jennifer, but most people call me Jen. I live on Long Island in New York, and my favorite things include my cats, the color pink, giving gifts to my Animal Crossing villagers, and watching sports. Above all else, however, I love music.

I frequently refer to music as the love of my life. It somehow plays a role in everything that I do. I got my first iPod when I was five years old, stacked with everything from Miranda Cosgrove and Avril Lavigne to Tool and Deftones. Some of my favorite memories growing up are sitting in my pink and purple bedroom singing and dancing along to Paramore’s crushcrushcrush and Fall Out Boy’s Thnks Fr Th Mmrs on the local alternative radio station. I danced for 12 years, played cello for seven, and am currently a wannabe ukulele rockstar after buying one on impulse and starting to teach myself how to play four years ago. Even on the simplest, barely noticeable levels, music has been everywhere in my life for as long as I can remember; even now, I can’t complete a basic task without a song playing in my headphones.

Music became an even bigger part of my life when I started attending live shows. I went to my first concerts at age 10, seeing my two favorite artists - Nickelodeon boy band Big Time Rush and classic progressive rock band Rush - within one month of each other. By the time I was 15, I had been to my fair share of arena/seated shows with one or both of my parents, from Fifth Harmony to Fitz and the Tantrums to Alice in Chains. My first general admission show was seeing the Foo Fighters at Citi Field with both my mom and dad when I was 12, but my first pop-punk general admission show (yes, they’re different) came a few years later. I had the typical list of favorite bands that you would expect from a young teenager getting into alternative music: Neck Deep, Knuckle Puck, Real Friends, and State Champs. 

In late 2018, I was able to see all four of these bands for the first time, and I am a firm believer that it changed the course of my life. I met, cried-during, and eventually got the setlist for Neck Deep at Stereo Garden on Long Island in September. I sang all of “Untitled” at the barricade for Knuckle Puck at SI Hall at the Fairgrounds in Syracuse in October. I had my first minor concussion scare (yay!) before Real Friends’ set at Irving Plaza in New York City in November. Finally, I crowd surfed for the first time during State Champs’ anniversary show for The Finer Things at House of Independents in Asbury Park in December. After just a few shows, I had fallen in love with this new brand of live music that I had just been introduced too. There was something so magical to me about skin covered in sweat and Sharpie marks, feet hurting from dancing in the pit all night, and meeting strangers on line outside the venue who would become your best friends and know your deepest secrets by the end of the night.

After making some friends at all of the pop-punk shows I was going to, they started to tell me that I should get into hardcore music. I was hesitant at first - the heaviest thing I had listened to at that point was nowhere near the snippets of hardcore that my friends had played for me - but, eventually, I decided to give it a chance. I was bored and home alone with nothing to do one night over the summer of 2019 when I listened to my first hardcore album, Laugh Tracks by Knocked Loose. Immediately, I got that gut feeling that you have when you know you’ve heard one of your favorite bands for the first time. I knew that this was something special that I was meant to find at this point in my life. For the rest of the summer, I worked my way through the rest of my friends’ hardcore and hardcore-adjacent recommendations, with Cost of Living by Incendiary, Stage Four by Touche Amore, You’re Not You Anymore by Counterparts, Time & Space by Turnstile, Springtime and Blind by Fiddlehead, Smile! Aren’t You Happy by Absence of Mine, Bad to my World by Backtrack, and Reality Approaches by Harms Way being some of my favorites. By the time the next school year started, I was hooked, and I already had tickets to my first few hardcore shows in the fall.

My first hardcore show was in November 2019, seeing Knocked Loose at Webster Hall in New York City - fitting, right? They were on tour supporting their new record A Different Shade of Blue, which I had become obsessed with the minute I heard it for the first time. Although I was ridiculously scared of getting stepped on and breaking all my bones (yes, that was an actual fear of mine), I had the time of my life at that show. There was something about this newer kind of live music that prompted a cathartic release, one that I hadn’t found anywhere else before. As soon as the show was over, I was counting the days until my next one.

My love for live hardcore music (and live music and hardcore music in general) has only grown since then, and that story sort of ends there. However, I want to go back to that first hardcore band that I listened to, Knocked Loose, and the album they put out that first summer that stole my heart. I was taken by storm as soon as the first notes of A Different Shade of Blue rang through my headphones, but something was different about the third track, A Serpent’s Touch, particularly the ending; I heard a voice that sounded a little bit more like my own.

This song features Emma Boster, who does vocals for one of my favorite hardcore bands right now, Dying Wish. When I heard A Serpent’s Touch for the first time, though, I had no idea who she was. I was used to the aggressive vocal delivery of frontmen in hardcore, particularly that of Knocked Loose’s Bryan Garris, but hearing it come from her changed my perspective on a lot of things. It’s not like the song was super angry and changed its tune to be lighter once the token girl came along; in her verse, Boster sings, “I watched the venom / Overcome your spirit / Jealousy holds you now / Distorting your appearance / Bleed out.” These were lyrics that held the same intensity that the lines screamed by the men held, and they sounded just as cool coming out of her mouth. As cheesy as it sounds, it had never even occurred to me that women had a place in this new world that I had discovered. The audiences in the live videos I watched (and eventually at the shows I attended) were made up of mostly men who looked bigger and older than me. When I did start going to shows, most of the non-man population consisted of my friends and I. Emma Boster, along with so many others, began to open my eyes to the fact that a place for people like me existed in this community. It didn’t matter that I had bright red hair or liked butterflies or wore pink - I was just as much a part of this magic as the men multiple feet taller than me with tattoo-covered arms, and I belonged there just as much as they did.

As time went on and I got more involved in the genre’s music and community, I discovered more bands with women in them, and it only fueled this fire of empowerment inside of me. When I felt insecure, I’d watch live sets from Krimewatch, a hardcore band from New York City, just half an hour away from my hometown. They have multiple women as members, including their energetic badass of a vocalist, Rhylli Ogiura. Year of the Knife became one of my all-time favorites, and their bassist Madison Watkins became a serious inspiration to me; the way that she can balance killing it on stage and running the cutest, most pink apparel brand I’ve ever seen (aptly titled Candy Corpse) amazes me. Even some of the bands I’ve found more recently have had an impact on me. I started listening to Initiate last year when their EP Lavender came out, and their beautifully colorful cover art caught my eye before I had heard any of their songs. Their vocalist, Crystal Pak, is also a woman, and she’s insanely talented. Discovering this kind of representation in this new universe that I had come to feel so at home in introduced me to a world of confidence and determination that I had never known before.

When people ask me why I love hardcore so much, I often give the easy answer; “the music sounds good.” If the person allows me to ramble on for a little longer, the answer becomes much more emotional and cheesy. Hardcore taught me that speaking up for what I believe in is important, and if there’s something I’m passionate about, it’s worth shouting about. I became familiar with this when listening to one of my favorite bands ever, Incendiary (the second hardcore band I ever checked out), before quickly realizing that politics are a pretty common topic within the genre - it’s what this music was practically built on. The first time I heard their vocalist Brendan Garrone singing about police brutality and injustice on songs like Force of Neglect and Sell Your Cause, I realized that there is so much more to music than just sounding good.

However, at its core, the thing I love so much about hardcore is what it taught me about being a woman. Growing up, I was the loud girl with the personality bigger than the room who always had something to say and had a never ending supply of excitement about just about everything. As I got older, I was taught that this was not okay. People didn’t like how enthusiastic I was about everything, or that I constantly had new ideas and new discoveries I wanted to talk about. As cliche as it sounds, I felt like everyone around me was trying to dull my sparkle, especially some of the men that I was encountering on a day-to-day basis. Even when I started to come to terms with my big and bright personality, in turn also coming to terms with my own femininity, I was told that this wasn’t how girls acted. I had to pick one - I could watch Disney princess movies and wear Hello Kitty hair clips, or I could be outspoken about my beliefs; but never both. The women that I mentioned earlier, along with so, so many more, helped me unlearn these toxic mindsets. Seeing someone like Emma Boster take the stage and scream ferociously for a full set helped me see that I could be a girl and still be a powerhouse. Following Madi Watkins around on social media showed me that I could love bands like Year of the Knife and also love heart-shaped purses and wear pink from head to toe. My aggression and passion didn’t make me any less of a woman, and my femininity didn’t make me any less of a force to be reckoned with. 

So, at the end of this love letter to hardcore and the women who run it, I say this; thank you for teaching me that I don’t have to shrink myself anymore. It has made a world of a difference.

#jennifer moglia

[nctsiren]

HYEYOUNG x JOHNNY

hyonny best couple i don’t make the rules i just enforce them

(yes i know this is a shit edit but this was requested and im excited so THIS IS FOR YOU ANON ILY)

PLEASE lmk what you think!! if u ever have any questions about them (or any of the ocs or reqs) i encourage you to send me asks! thank u loves, enjoy!!❣️

TAGLIST (hmu to join! applies to all of my ocs): @moonbeamsung @aqueenieme @atinygracie @jinsoulorbitzen12 @btshook​ 

THE BEGINNING:

hyeyoung met johnny in 2017, a bit after he debuted in 127

he came around the training center, since he had trained for so long and had friends there

he also liked to meet new trainees! he’s a super kind guy, he wants to try to be support for them, since he trained for So Long

when he first saw her he thought she was gorgeous

and vice versa, yknow. she was shy because he was a Debuted Idol AND a Handsome Man

yeah they both found each other attractive and that was. about it yknow? for a while

THEN in 2019, rumor was that hyeyoung would join an nct female unit

she was already friends with mila and lily, having trained with mila, and lily was friendly with trainees

but she started talking to the guys more, meeting them properly and getting used to them

and johnny was so .. you know how he is

she fell really quick tbh

lily noticed this QUICKLY and did what she could to make them interact and she THOUGHT she is what got them together

but johnny was texting her on the low .. he loved her the minute he had his first conversation (in person) with her

THE ~TALKING~ STAGE:

johnny is a Romantic™️ and we all know it

so this man COURTED her like a damn maiden

hyeyoung, evie, and gem: *arrive at the siren dorms and open the door*

hyeyoung, evie, and gem: ...

evie: hyeyoung who sent you twenty vases of roses

no that IS NOT A JOKE

literally an old movie romance, complete with the yearning and such

he always texted her good morning and good night

sent her coffee or tea on the low while she was training

“hello beautiful”

hyeyoung was lovestruck. she felt able to actually talk to him after a bit, and it was so easy for her to trust and feel close to him

she got shy when he did big gestures or sweet things- but it was making her fall HARD

and johnny? well he wasn’t MUCH better just more composed outwardly

our smooth, flirty bastard john ..

would absolutely GUSH about her to the members. smiling like an IDIOT at his phone

once lily said she couldn’t hang out because hye wasn’t feeling good and johnny’s heart DROPPED he didn’t know what to do

come to think of it he hasn’t gotten a text from her in a while :((

didnt she say she hadn’t had pizza lately?

and that’s how johnny ended up at the trainee girls’ dorm at 11pm with a pizza. and the dark chocolate she liked.

he watched a movie in hyeyoung’s room with her ALONE and she leaned into his side so

tbh it wasn’t a bad night

HOW HYONNY BECAME OFFICIAL:

hyeyoung was fr wondering if this would be anything

she was thinking about her career, yeah, but her heart YEARNED for him. she was falling in love with everything about him

she didn’t need the grand gestures, she just needed him

and, it probably goes without saying, but so did johnny

he stopped by her practice room with evie and gem one day

he had just finished his own practice and called hye closer to the door of the practice room she was in with the girls

cue lily practically shaking with excitement

“i don’t think this will seem out of the blue... do you wanna get dinner, sometime? as an actual date this time”

the smile she gave him nearly made poor john’s heart stop

“i thought you’d never ask” she responded, stepping on her tip toes to press a kiss to his cheek

CHEESY SMILE until jaehyun pulls him away

“howd it go, romeo?”

then they heard the girls squealing audibly and talking at the speed of light

“oh no big deal. just the most beautiful amazing woman on the planet likes me back”

NOW KITH:

the first date was literally later that night, in hyeyoung’s room, with takeout and the nicest red wine johnny could find

tbh he couldn’t wait and she was free that night

“keep the door unlocked!” - evie

the two just talked and laughed and the movie on the background was ignored

hyeyoung was used to feeling shy with people, but she was so comfortable early on. it felt right

and yeah the night DID end with them making out

with the door locked, screw you evie (johnny’s words, not hyeyoung’s)

they fell into being a couple very easily

they told the company a few months in to make life easier and surprisingly .. they were pretty okay with it, though they obviously had guidelines

they couldn’t be seen alone in public (sometimes they break that rule with masks and hats and disguises since the managers will let them sometimes)

a lot of their dates are in the siren dorms because it’s quieter and all of the girls have their own rooms

she comes around to the 127 dorms a lot

they couldn’t interact more than she would interact with the others, and absolutely no pda

((tbh with mila and lily, it’s more acceptable, since they grew up with their members, but the other three have stricter rules .. evie almost breaks them sometimes tho. and sometimes the guys will give casual, familial hugs to them))

they said they loved each other a few months in

johnny said it first, and hyeyoung said it back immediately

it was natural. they fully and truly love each other

they will 1000% percent get married, and they will do so whenever they can in the future

they want to keep their relationship quiet just because hyeyoung’s career has JUST started

but johnny wants to reveal it as soon as the company lets them because he wants the world to know he loves her with all of his heart

johnny’s parents have only met her over facetime, and they already love her. she talks to johnny’s mom a lot too

he has met her parents and siblings, and obviously they love him 

her dad is protective though since she’s his youngest daughter and his baby

johnny is still big on keeping the romance alive and planning things for her, always telling her how much he loves her, and showing physical affection

hyeyoung is a softer type of girlfriend, and she is big on quality time and expressing to him how much she loves him. 

they will never, ever doubt how much they love each other. forever type shit

HYONNYCORE

johnny and hyeyoung ARE mom and dad

especially to hyuck. hyeyoung LOVES him and thinks he can literally do no harm, similar to how she is with lily

mark used to have a crush on hyeyoung hehe but i think we ALL know he’s interested in someone else now ..

taeyong, yuta, lily, hyuck, jaemin, evie, ten, jungwoo, taeil, chenle, hendery, and yangyang are their biggest shippers. they believe in hyonny supremacy

jaehyun is OBVIOUSLY happy for his bro but he’s a chill, cool dude y’know ..

he’s johnny’s go-to though and he and hyeyoung have a very sweet friendship, jaehyun always looks out for her and makes sure she’s okay

johnny will be chill about the eventual rumors about hyeyoung and jaehyun tho because he knows there’s nothing there, and as far as he is concerned, that means that their relationship is safer without any lights on them

they aren’t jealous people (AHEM take note lily AHEM)

the two of them will still flirt with fans, and they rate each other’s flirty comments to fans

“nah, baby, that’s basic. be smoother”

“john, they literally just asked me to tell them i love them”

yeah they’re teased tho and you KNOW they are

ten is CRAZY dude he was already big on the innuendos but now .. goodness

he doesn’t step out of line tho and he’s more subtle and would never do anything to harass them (well mainly not hyeyoung because flashbacks to “i wanna have xxxx with you fatass! love you forever darling” johnten always wilding)

y’know that clip from stranger thing when that dude asks jonathan how the pull out was... “the couch”. yeah. stuff like that from ten

hyuck doesn’t tease them much surprisingly! because again. mom and dad

i can sum up mark in a single sentence:

“you guys are, like, perfect for each other, y’know? i’m happy for you guys, seriously.”

yuta teases sometimes, but chenji is RUTHLESS

if hyonny even looks at each other they’re like OOOOO HEHE GET A ROOM

most of wayv is .. well .. we know how wayv is

taeyong is so warm to them about it all and it’s super sweet. taeil loves them together and is unintentionally funny saying things about young people and love

the girls are PROTECTIVE of hyeyoung even tho they know johnny is perfect for her

lily is in a permanent state of trying to square up with johnny and hyeyoung thinks it’s funny

they have great reception overall, everyone loves them

sm family loves them TOO and heechul is the REAL captain of their fan club and red velvet as a whole loves them together 

do you know how many times they hear “awwwh cute!” 

spoiler: it’s a lot

GOD the two try to help lily with her love life and she hates it

they’ll end up trying to help everyone but lily is their focus

they have lots of couple-isms

“baby” “love” “honey” stuff like that

they have inside jokes

SO MANY PICTURES OF EACH OTHER

fashionable ass couple

he watches old films with her 

they’re the type of couple to slow dance in the middle of the kitchen

they both know like. they know what the other would order from where, what to do for them after a long/hard day

she knows how to make his coffee perfectly

johnny knows what temperature she likes her baths/showers and what wine she’ll enjoy most

hyeyoung knows where johnny’s back is most tense and his slight change in posture when he needs a massage

they know each other’s style, and they surprise each other with little gifts

they basically know each other like the back of their hand. two halves of the same whole

#hyeyoung shon #nct siren #hyonny #hyeyoung&johnny #kpop addition #kpop oc #nct addition #nct female addition #nct oc #kpop oc girl group #exo female addition #exo oc #oc girl group #nct female unit #nct female member #nct dream addition #nct dream oc #nct female oc #nct female subunit #wayv female addition #red velvet oc