#and ill space out thinking about dialogue beats

[psychopompousgame]

carlos is a nice dude i swear but also, he works in customer service

#game stuff #development #carlos aron #marianne ainsworth #john owens #hi ive been workin at this i swear #my day job has just been a veritable goddamn circus lately #this is a fun thing to work on as a line cook because sometimes ill just be standing there frying chicken #with nothing but a pair of nitrile gloves between me and a 450 degree stove full of oil #and ill space out thinking about dialogue beats #screencaps #forgot to add that one

[coffee-in-veins]

I was thinking again about how Dismas's Face Your Failure sucks, but tbh they kinda fucked up with the concept? To have Dismas kill a random guard doesnt really represent what went on and how it affected him, on the other hand, for him to face his failure by shooting that poor woman again would have been horrible and stupid.

There are very different types of backstory they tried to pigeonhole into the "failure" theme and to represent it by a single NPC gets even more awkward. You have Para killing the result of her horrid experiment, good, ok, makes sense. But Audrey kills her husband which she has no reason to regret killing in the first place, only that she didn't get away with it, Bonnie is faced with the adult that tortured her as a kid (is her failure running away from a fucking cult???)... then Barristan has to kill the ghosts of people led to their deaths and genuinely regrets doing so. Damian has to beat himself like he doesn't do that shit every day.

I'm sure if this was an anime it would all make sense, with dialogue and the evil shades taunting the heroes by distorting what went on, but as is stands, it's just forced. It's no Come Unto Your Maker in terms of impact, that's for sure

thank you for the ask!

sorry i'm slow with those lately ^^' too much irl shite falling on my lap... i am genuinely happy to receive asks, but i barely have much strength to do more than reblog some nice art lately. my bad.

i hope the length of it will make up for how late it is.

frankly, i refuse to engage with DD2 on principle and do my best to forget it exists, so where i feel comfortable discussing DD1 and my knowledge of it, in DD2 I can mostly speak based on youtube walkthroughs and my spite.

please, bear in mind that i'm biased. i'm still salty at DD2, and what i let slide in DD1, i meticulously dissect in DD2. so if this bothers you, i'm genuinely sorry. i can't help it. this was why i tried my best to distance from DD2 entirely.

that includes the little arsonist. i still can't help but resent her for taking space away from someone from the old cast. so i can't say anything about Bonnie, sorry.

Dismas is just a whole mess in his own league, as I mentioned before. and it's too depressing for me to dig into it fully, but the way the game is now (to my knowledge) it seems that his biggest 'failure' is getting out of a 'hellish' prison which had left such a lasting impact on his psyche that he has nightmares about it instead of some eldritch horrors. which imo speaks volumes about his time there.

frankly, for me Para is firmly in a 'this is not as traumatizing as they make it out to be' category. the guy was already dead, and based on narration, he was dead before she found him (where in DD1 comic this fact was up to debate). morally, at least in my eyes, it is no worse than autopsy. is autopsy immoral? no, not really. it doesn't hurt anyone. the corpses don't really care what happens to them. she basically created a Gaunt and we see no proof that Gaunts are sentient or can comprehend what is happening to them. for all intents and purposes, Para made a zombie, and then killed a zombie. the only change was that she used to know the basis of said zombie. was that traumatic for her? most likely, in a way every failed experiment of such magnitude is. was it immoral since the guy was dead and wasn't technically there anymore…? ehhhh… no? not in my head, at least. it definitely didn't warrant the place of her biggest failure - after all, she continued her trade, in DD1 at least, and there she was quite self-assured and willing to do what it takes to battle illnesses of Hamlet.

Audrey actually got away with killing her husband. the problem was that she got his debts too, as the new Lord of her household. so to not lose the lifestyle she had, she resorted to grave robbing. later, she either didn't get away with that, or got way too into it for the thrills. if anything, my bet would be on her regretting not killing him sooner, before the debts. i can't see any point where he would be her failure. marrying him? well, considering the age and her noble lineage, being a woman and narrator's phrase about her "Born into money, and married into more", marrying her husband was hardly her own decision, so not a failure in that regard, too. unless RH are implying very, very dubious things, i fail to see any scenario where he is her fault, worthy of 'Face your Failure' yelled at her face.

Barristan we get to see in both DD1 and DD2 seemed to be post-redemption arc, personally. well, save for few barks in DD1 afflictions (man, i miss how jaded and pointed they were unlike what i've seen in DD2...), but in DD1 everyone was much more at each other's throats and less sanded off to be mellow when they were afflicted, imo. but i digress. so, guardian grandpa felt like he had had his redemption arc already, before the game even started. he fucked up, he made amends, he learned his lesson. making him re-kill the ghosts is just a dick move from writers, imo.

i'm lowkey afraid to ask who Junia and Sarmenti get. because i dunno. i have my guesses, but if they are true, then i'm... i'm not even disappointed, i'm just tired.

Damian is... well, he simply is. i can get a separate rant about him, but boy, i have a lot of punches for the way the narrative worked with him. granted, he appeared when the levels of my blood salt regarding DD2 were reaching organ-failure levels (guess like Damian himself), but boy, did the RH did him dirty! not only in handling him, but also with going the most stupid, the most cheap option of self-fight.

however, and that's one huge however.

however, there's one character who, to me, outshines all this crap.

the most baffling example for me personally has to be Baldwin. the game made a very pointed, on the nose, blatant effort of showing him like the only actually undeniably good guy from the whole roster. he is kind, humble, loving, and is a 2-meter tall disney princess in disguise considering how each of his official artwork features small birds loving him and sitting on his hands. i don't even know what he gets as a Failure. his advisers? he dealt with them in more ways than one. the beggars he selflessly helped got leprosy from? if yes, this is undoubtedly not-as-good of a character anymore. does he just get to slap the boss for 200 HP because he's a gigachad or something? i'm genuinely confused.

as i said before, given the game's narrative, Face Your Failure makes no goddamn sense, and i stand by those words.

not only it feels cheaper than Come Unto Thy Maker (you can't straight out DIE from it afaik) it's not a hindrance - it's outright your way to win. unless you play with a vestal who has 0 attack skills, this is not a thing which makes the fight harder (like Come Unto Thy Maker does, progressively reducing your damage output and safety options), it does the exact opposite! why? why would the big bad make this fight easier for you to win? ugh! are we going for the 'i know you are in there somewhere' fights? is the guy called Hateful God for fuck's sake playing along with you, pulls his punches and secretly wishes you well? WHY would he??

excuse me, i need to read some soft reymas else thinking about this will put me into salt-induced frenzy.

#my shoebox of letters #Grievings of the mountain || discussing dd2 #darkest dungeon 2 #dd2 spoilers

[jinkicake]

SGDHHD no yehs when I saw Barbatos I was like hehe funny that a god is named after a demon but Venti is literally gluten free catholic like,,, ngl forgot Germany and all of Europe was😭 like someone was saying something weird and SOMEONE REPLIED W A CLOSE UP OF BARBRA AND SHE HAS CROSSES ALL IVER HER AND INSIDE THE CATHEDRAL 💀💀IN GAME LORE BARBATOS HAS NOTHING TO DO W CROSSES😭😭 hoyoverse let me write for this game bc all the plot holes piss me off. Like the entire Liyue arc was a waste of time actually like if we didn’t meet all my fav characters; ESPECIALLY XINYAN happy birthday sis😔💕 I would have Been mad. Bc Zhongli is so DUMB he literally throw not only his nation but all of teyvat into like a economic crisis bc he wanted a vacation 😐 he’s so lucky he’s got bc I was mad asf when I finished it. Bro you did ALL THAT when you could have just said lmao y’all I’m out like Venti did… you caused everyone so much trouble AND DIDNT HELP… if I punch a god is that a ticket straight to hell??? Bc Venti is the best archon out of the strongest 3 and probably all 7! Bc he helped w storm terror like he didn’t rly abandon his people bc they still worship him and think highly of him- even people outside of mondstat for the wind gliders- like no way is the green drunk twink the most responsible…. Im sick of the “ sorry I can’t say I have a contract” stuff too bc if you have the traveler a Glock the game would be 20 mins. Of my boy got his villian arc they would speak up then😤 like he has to run errands for people with nobody really helping to find his twin and dainsleif fine ass jumped into the abyss so we don’t see him no more, and Venti says so much while saying s o little☺️🔪 will talk for 30 mins and you still have no information like if he can’t tell us what’s wrong then tell me who’s holding y’all hostage so I can go beat them up!! Like pls is Venti knows every song past present and future( which I love that timelines ms tuff he shared w obey me barbatos and they’re both green) he definitely knows some important stuff that will help us change fate🙂( Also sorry for brain rot I have SO much to say about these parasites taking up space in my brain)

brain rot is the only thing that gets me through my week LOL i love reading it

VENTI... A GLUTEN FREE CATHOLIC?! PLEASEEEE honestly, i find out new things every day with your brain rots bc as much as i try to be a lore player i read all the dialogue and then forget it the second i finish a quest sigh.... no amount of youtube explanation videos can keep me updated

NO BC I HAVE SOME CHOICE WORDS W ZHONGLI and honestly, its only bc i was pissed he would always make me pay!!!! but i wasnt all that mad bc then childe would give me money #hearteyes ... i get zhongli wanted a break and he so deserved it but i did side eye him at the fake death hes so dramatic..... i love it

venti is the strongest of the three I AGREE..... but i have to say i just know Tsaritsa is going to be the baddest bitch and i am so excited bc shes going to be everything to me like i dont know what she is doing or what she is plotting but ill be on her side through it all!

oh speaking of drunk venti.... i know they make him so soft but I love seeing fanart of him during the catalyst like unhinged venti might have to be my favorite.... even if i do fall asleep during his dialogues im sorry that he talks and talks and talks... his voice is cute tho!

the connections between both barbatos..... theres something there but my brain cant connect the dots.... obey me seven sins equals seven archons confirmed, the end.... but add barbatos take out BEEL >:-)

#sarahandoikawatalkshit

[jupitermelichios]

So I’ve been playing a lot of skyrim lately, because it’s video game comfort food, and I decided it was time for my Redguard Dovahkiin to settle down. (Actually I specifically just wanted to be able to adopt some of the random orphans you meet because I felt guilty about them, but you need to be married before you can do that so that there’s someone at home to take care of the kids while you’re off galivanting).

So I travelled around a bit, chatting up likely looking npcs until I found one I both liked and didn’t feel guilty about marrying (I feel bad if I marry one of the warrior adventurer types, making them be a stay at home mum) and settled on an obnoxiously cheerful argonian called Shavee because her life was frankly shit, and I thought she’d probably be good with kids.

So off I go to Riften to the Temple of Mara to arrange the wedding. I book it in for the next day, realise I didn’t bring anything nice to wear, and spend the night before the wedding robbing every house in the city in the search for something to wear. Eventually decide everyone in Riften has terrible fashion sense and break down everything I stole into raw materials and use them to craft myself an outfit and some jewellery that i’m pretty happy with. I even carefully pick out my fanciest looking sword to wear.

(don’t know why I bothered, frankly, shavee turned up wearing a shirt covered in suspicious stains and weilding a pickaxe, it’s like she doesn’t even care about this marriage)

(also for comedy purposes, bear in mind I play with survival mods that mean my character needs to eat and sleep to live, and I literally spent the entire ingame night on this and forgot to eat and drink anything either and then just downed four bowls of wolf stew right before entering the temple so I didn’t starve during the ceremony. also I discovered during the wedding that I am dying of rockjoint, which I contracted from sleeping in a pile of hay on the floor of a skeever infested cave, so even being six foot tall and jacked can’t make up for the fact that I am exhausted, running a fever, and probably covered in wolf which I spilled because my joints are slowly atrophying, and even the fanciest clothes in the world aren’t going to cover that up)

so I enter the temple, and my finance is there, and Lydia my housecarl, and some random NPCs the game thinks are my friends because I did fetch quests for them

One of the random NPCs is Lisbet. Atfter I did her fetch quest, I then did another quest in which I discovered Lisbet is secretly a cannibal and part of a demonic cult that worships the daedric prince of decay by kidnapping priests, sacrificing them, and then eating their corpses. Raw. I think the raw meat is the sticking point for me here honestly.

I ultimately decided not to sacrifice the random priest to a daedric prince in exchange for one magic ring and all the raw human I could eat, because frankly, that doesn’t sound like much of a deal to me. I was expecting there to be some kind of dialogue choice where I could nope out at the last minute, but it turns out there isn’t one, so after they drugged the priest and tied him to the altar, I just got out my sword and started swinging.

I killed most of the cult (including the town butcher, because I had brought meat from him before and was extremely pissed off that he might have been secretly feeding me humans) but a couple of them got away, which I figured was fine because they weren’t trying to kill me.

Except it turns out, if any of them escape, then every time you see them in the future there’s a random chance that they’ll fly into a violent rage and try and murder you.

Lisbet is at my wedding. Lisbet decides that clearly me marrying this random argonian woman with two lines of dialogue is the happiest day of my life, and she cannot allow me that happiness, when I’ve taken so much from her.

So she tries to kill me. Only she can’t, because I’m stuck in a pre-rendered wedding animation, and also she’s sitting next to Lydia, my faithful retainer and owner of a really big axe.

It also turns out that Lisbet is essential, meaning she can be knocked unconcious but not actually killed because she’s needed for some quest or other. And the minute she wakes up from unconciousness, she tries to kill me again, so Lydia knocks her unconcious again, and I’m stuck, I can’t move, because I’m supposed to be in the wedding animation.

Except Shavee has, not unreasonably, see all this and decided that she doesn’t like me enough to risk getting murdered, and has done a runner, leaving me at the altar, but more importantly, leaving me trapped in a broken pre-rendered animation, so all I can do is stand there at the altar, staring at the space where my fiance was supposed to be, listening to the sounds of Lydia trying and failing to beat a cannibal to death behind me.

Okay, I think, clearly this wedding isn’t going to happen, I’m going to go for the registry office option and complete the wedding using the dev commands. I do this. The priest gives me a wedding ring, and I can finally move again. I chase after Shavee, who has an impressive turn of speed on her, and eventually catch up right by the city gates. I try to talk to her.

Apparently using the console has completed the wedding for me, but not for her, because she still only has the same 2 lines of dialogue she usually has.

Clearly this is working, I can’t leave my kids with someone who can only say 2 things and doesn’t even know she’s their mum, that’s irresponsible.

I try loading from inside the temple. I get the same problem.

Eventually I figure out that I need to use the dev controls to disable Lisbet’s entire existence in the universe.

Shavee and me get married. As the priest reads the vows, I stare at Shavee and wonder why she couldn’t even be bothered to put on a clean shirt. I wonder what kind of mother she’ll be.

Once the ceremony is over, and I’m happily married to the dirty green lizard of my dreams, and we’ve agreed that until I can make her recognise my extremely nice modded house exists I will share her single bed in the unheated flophouse in Windhelm she calls home, I re-enable Lisbet, because I’m worried I’ll forget if I leave it too long.

Fun fact about skyrim, it loads in quite a lot of npcs and objects by dropping them from the sky. I have no idea why this is the case, but it’s objectively the funniest way to load in objects.

I re-enable Lisbet. She falls from the sky, clips through the roof of the temple, and lands in the pew beside Lydia, stands up, draws a knife, and is immedately beaten unconcious.

I no longer care, because Shavee now has all the exciting new spouse-only romantic dialogue options like “Could you cook something for me” and “have you made any money lately”, and I know she’ll be a great mother.

I limp to the door of the temple, while around me the guests not involved in the Lydia-Lisbet murder cycle scream and duck for cover.

I open the door to the temple, immediately collapse and ragdoll down the steps, which is how I discover I am dying of rockjoint.

I limp to the orphanage down the street, adopt two kids, and then finally remember that I’m carrying garlic bread, which as we all know, cures all known illnesses.

When I emerge back into the street, full of the joys of motherhood and garlic bread, I find the town in disaray. Lydia is chasing Lisbet through the streets with an axe and a dragon is circling overhead, burning npcs to death. People are running for shelter, screaming, while the guards try to take down an entire dragon using only the worst bows and arrows in the game.

I decide that as a parent, I have to think of my own safety first and leave them to it.

I head out of the city, intent on returning home and figuring out why Shavee refuses to move in with me. A man hanging around the stables challenges me to a boxing match. For want of anything better to do, I agree.

Halfway through the fight he dodges at the wrong moment and I punch one of his horses in the head.

Two guards attack me while I desperately try to surrender. My kids will miss me, but I’m prepared to go to jail for my horse crimes, I’m an honest citizen. Also my horse crimes seem somewhat less important than the dragon.

The guards refuse to accept my surrender. I am stabbed to death. As I collapse in front of the indifferent horse, Lisbet exits the city, followed by Lydia. The last thing I see before I die is Lydia swinging her axe at Lisbet’s face.

#skyrim #spoilers #technically #although this game is a decade old and we all own at least two versions of it at this point #so i'm not sure it counts #long post

[ahkaraii]

"I'm sorry if it hurts Chi-Chi and Gohan, but please don't try and resurrect me. Besides, Gohan's a lot better person than I was..."

I think about this line a lot. It shows a lot of self awareness from Goku, y'know?

I have a lot of Goku feels, not all of them fandom-friendly. Twitter folks either bash him or defend him unto death, very black and white binary split-like, which makes it difficult to talk about in 140 characters or less. “Good” dad or “Bad” dad is subjective. But I think his actions -- and inactions -- had profound effects on his family and the world beyond, for good and for bad.

Lemme word vomit for a while and see if I can get something coherent out xD

I think he’s a fantastic shonen protagonist -- arguably the template!! -- and I love him as a character that steadfastly drives the story inexhaustibly forward, to stronger and stronger opponents, to ever more fantastic plotlines. But I personally Iike to take a magnifying glass to the small moments, the quiet moments; the breaths in between the panels. And in these moments, I think Goku is a fascinating chimera of a character: a patchwork man he stitched together through mimicry and good intentions and animal impulse.

He acts like a doofus and in many cases its genuine -- he practically self-raised himself in the wild after not just accidentally killing his grandpa, but also after suffering an actually plot-significant brain injury -- but he is no idiot. I think Goku knows he’s different and not just because he’s an alien with a regrowing tail.

Goku isn’t a normal human because he doesn’t connect like a normal human. He loves but it’s because he chooses to love. He’s loyal because he chooses to be loyal. It’s not sociopathy, but it is a kind of almost... autistic spectrum like inability? I hesitate to step on toes here, but I’m basically heavily projecting my own father -- who is himself a man with high functioning autism -- so that’s where I’m drawing my main inspiration.

Goku struggles immensely to understand people who are emotionally volatile. He defaults to humour and acting like he doesn’t get it just to defuse the situation, because otherwise it’s time to Fight and Goku never takes fights lightly, and that often doesn’t end well with squishy humans. He has a moral code but he doesn’t Regret like a normal person does upon causing injury, physical or emotional. He doesn’t empathize like an emotionally adept person can. He reads body language better than tone.

On the vein of being on the spectrum, or just surviving a brain injury, or just being a saiyan, or a combination of all three -- Goku’s special interest is Fighting. And that’s one of the sources of his family’s problems.

Before Raditz, Goku was content fighting in the World Tournament and marrying the world’s strongest woman, and raising a family with her. Farming to make money to support Chichi and Gohan was boring but it was a form of training if he squinted, and he was fine conforming to that. He looked forward to Gohan growing up enough to train him (remember him saying Chichi wouldn’t let him until Gohan got older), and there he’d have another sparing partner. How exciting! He can’t wait. Let’s go fishing, Gohan, I’ll show you how to use your tail just like I used to! Can you catch a bigger fish? I know you can! Isn’t this fun? Haha! I wonder if this is what Grandpa Gohan felt. I miss him. But Gohan’s here with me! Gosh, I can’t wait till I can teach him all I know!

But after Raditz, Goku was introduced to Strength Beyond Earth, and I believe that was the start of the death of Goku’s attachment to his humanity. Because humans had a limit, and the stars did not.

Goku’s not a bad person. He’s not a terrible father. But like a good shonen protagonist, he’s addicted to chasing strength, and the strength beyond even life itself ultimately called him to abandon his mortal coil (which we see culminate in GT’s ending).

It began by wanting to stay dead. He doesn’t want to hurt his family -- he genuinely doesn’t! -- so after surviving Namek’s destruction he preferred to keep them ignorant as he trained on Planet Yardrat, since what good would it do for them to know he lived if he didn’t plan on coming back yet? Then he mastered Instant Transmission!! How amazing! Now he can travel to and from any reaches of the vast universe; he can come home whenever he wants to. Now he doesn’t have to hurt his family AND he can fight whenever and wherever he wants! Wahoo!!

So he comes back to life. Aaaand life’s not the same. Chichi’s not the same -- she mourned his death and she’s still angry he lost her Gohan for a year, and then took him to space, and then he nearly died for it, too -- and Gohan’s not the same. He’s not four years old anymore. He’s not the wide-eyed kid who looked like his father had all the answers. Krillin’s gotten older.  Everyone has changed, even if just a little. Everyone but Goku.

(Except Goku HAS changed. There’s a whole universe to discover. There’s so much strength he can defeat, still. He looks up at the stars at night and feels for Yardrat’s ki. He feels so much ki everywhere up there. He wants to chase it all down. Is it because I’m a Saiyan? Or is it because I’m a bad person? Goku don’t know...but Goku longs for it. He longs for the peace he finds in letting go).

Future Trunk’s message that a heart illness will kill him politely confuses him. Goku doesn’t fear death -- he knows what’s beyond it, now. And there’s fighters there. Even if he dies, there will be people to fight. No worries. But he does worry about this nebulous future where all his loved ones are dead, too, all except Gohan. It sounds like his boy’s gonna have it rough if these android fellas win. Time to beat some androids! :D And hey, this is finally a good excuse to train with Gohan!! So he does that for a couple of years, teaming up with Piccolo. Gohan’s gotten so strong! How exciting!

Chichi’s slowly come ‘round to him again, so that’s nice, too. He doesn’t really get why she’s still so mad but he rolls with it. He responds to violence he can’t fight against with a smile. Her emotions are too hard to follow, and it can get a little tiresome. But he loves her -- he chose to love her, so he does, and he always will. In his own way.

Then the androids come, and then Cell comes, and Goku steals Gohan away for a day and a year inside the Chamber, and he finally, finally realizes -- gosh, Gohan’s not like him at all. Gohan’s what a Real Human should be. What a Real Hero should be. The hero the Earth needs. Because Goku can’t be that hero anymore -- he never could be. He’s not human.

And there’s so many people to fight beyond the stars....

So when Goku choses to die alongside Cell, it was a choice, too. Gohan’s a better person than him, anyway. He’ll make Chichi happy, and he’ll protect the earth, and maybe one day Goku’ll meet him again and they can spar to see their strengths :) He’s so proud of his boy....

So........ is Goku a good father? A bad father? A good person? A bad person?

I think Goku is Goku. So I’ll let you decide :)

(Here’s the canon Goku dialogue from the end of Cell saga: )

#karaii art #dragon ball #i don't think goku's a bad person #but gohan was repeatedly failed by all his caregivers in different and unique ways #and for good or for bad Goku's part of that too #so have some Thoughts

[becomewings]

The Most Beautiful Moment in Life <I’M FINE>

     BTS Universe Story Highlights, pt. 1 / 4

» pt. 2

Introduction

BTS Universe Story, a mobile game published by Netmarble, was released on September 24, 2020. While the majority of the app is essentially a sandbox and engine for users to create their own interactive stories, it also includes official and canon BU content. The first eight segments were introduced between the release date and December 2020, gathered under the title The Most Beautiful Moment in Life <I’M FINE>.

“I’m Fine” is half of the I’m Fine/Save Me ambigram introduced in the Love Yourself era. Notably, all of the BU content available in the game so far falls between events of the webtoon Save Me (also called HYYH0 in its logo) and The Notes 1—chronologically, that is, while bearing in mind that time resets to the morning of 11 April Year 22 whenever SeokJin fails to avert a tragedy among his six friends. I want to assure anyone who is unable to play the game that you are not missing any new, major plot beats from the overall BU narrative. Instead, the stories provide more insight into the motivations and consequences of SeokJin’s decisions in the earlier time loops, as well as more depth to individual characters and their circumstances.

The goal of this guide is to summarize each of the eight stories and highlight noteworthy details, especially if they are not yet present in other BU media. Within each story (which I often refer to as an arc, due to their character-focused nature), episodes must be played successively, but the stories themselves can be played in any order. I will present them over a series of posts in the order they are listed under the <I’M FINE> heading. The Prologue and NamJoon’s arc are free to play; the rest are paid content. Please note that due to the app’s Terms & Conditions, I will not include in-game footage here. The images in this guide are sourced from the official trailers/videos and the live action MVs as appropriate.

Content warning: contains references to death, suicide, suicidal ideation, child abuse, domestic violence, blood, homicide, depression, trauma, PTSD

This guide contains major spoilers and includes references to other BU media

Do not repost, copy, or quote without permission

Game Mechanic

Before diving into the summaries, I would like to address the primary mechanic of the game: the user’s control of character choices at designated moments in the stories. It’s a primary marketing point that the player can influence the progression of the narrative, with a frequent in-app tip also declaring, “stories’ endings can vary depending on your choices.” The latter is not strictly true—and it cannot be true due to the structure of the game. Choices are presented within most (not all) episodes, but each episode is an isolated unit: episode 2 provides the same content regardless of what you choose in episode 1. Since the consequences of your decisions are not cumulative, each episode reaches the same ending, and each decision inevitably rejoins the “main” story path (effectively reducing the script size).

So what is the point of this mechanic? While the system is not nearly as complex as what major platform titles are capable of nowadays (I suspect due in large part to the story creation portion of the game), it does foster a sense of interaction with the narrative that isn’t present in static visual media like comics or film. The episodes with choices also have incentive for replay to discover the impact of changing a character’s dialogue or action. Sometimes the differences between the outcomes are inconsequential, but other times you unearth new details, interactions, or memories that are missing in the other path.

I say this partially in reaction to all of the comments and tweets I read for the game trailers and even Smeraldo Book twitter’s choose-your-own-adventure style teasers with The Notes 2 excerpts released last summer. Many users expressed excitement, through words or memes, about finally being able to give the boys the happy ending they deserved. I don’t fault anyone for wanting that happy ending—I wish for it, too. But no matter what the rather overzealous marketing has claimed, I don’t believe that the canon ending of BU is ever meant to be in the audience’s control. But I do feel that this mechanism fits the BU narrative. It echoes the “countless loops” SeokJin has experienced in an effort to save his friends, the choices he must make at every crossroad, and the butterfly effect those actions have on all of their lives. I think it is reasonable to interpret the simple branching paths in the game as alternatives SeokJin has explored across multiple loops in his struggle to find the “right” way forward. I’d love to hear if you have theories of your own!

Prologue

The prologue is a brief episode introducing SeokJin’s repeated struggle and failure to save his friends. He wakes up yet again in his bed on 11 April Year 22, the beginning of the time loop. After reflecting on the tragedies that keep befalling the others, SeokJin realizes that he has only tried to fix the problems he can see. He wonders: “Have I tried to understand the root of my friends’ misfortunes? How much do I really know about my friends? Maybe I was never brave enough to confront their real scars and the worlds they’ve been living in. But I need to do it. Because it may be the key to saving them all.”

How to Offer a Hand

In this story, SeokJin attempts to prevent NamJoon’s arrest after he gets in a fight with a rude customer at Naeri Gas Station, his place of work. The first episode opens on the night of 11 April Year 22 with NamJoon curling his fists, glaring as crumpled bills lie untouched on the pavement. (The money looks similar to the shot from the I Need U MV.) SeokJin reaches for his shoulder, but NamJoon shrugs him off and strides away to punch the customer who deliberately dropped the bills for him to pick up. The gas station owner runs over at the customer’s furious shouts and orders NamJoon to apologize. He refuses, and police officers soon arrive and charge him with assault. No one listens to SeokJin’s protests that the customer started it first. The man sneers as NamJoon enters the police car. “Do you even have money for a settlement? Hey, you’re done for.” NamJoon is sentenced to prison again, and SeokJin hears glass shattering before the loop resets.

Rising from his bed on the morning of 11 April, SeokJin reflects on his failed efforts so far. He has hit the customer’s car, called for NamJoon in the middle of the incident, and stopped the fight himself, the latter of which caused his friends to avoid him later. The fight has even escalated; the details are unspecified, but the audience is provided an ominous shot of SeokJin speaking to a police officer alone at the scene. NamJoon is not the kind of person who would normally respond to that kind of provocation with his fists. SeokJin realizes that he cannot merely stop the fight but must discover and fix the true cause of it.

With this in mind, SeokJin heads to Naeri Gas Station during the day and tries to engage NamJoon. This is their first time meeting since they both returned to Songju, although SeokJin has experienced it in many loops already. “It’s been a while,” he greets (as he does at the end of the Blood Sweat & Tears Japanese version MV). Before SeokJin can dig deeper in their conversation, NamJoon is called away by his boss. SeokJin enters the small employee break room which serves as NamJoon’s living space when he’s not at the container, hoping to find some clues about his friend’s life. SeokJin locates something bundled in newspapers. If the player chooses to open it, he sees a strange shard of glass inside that may belong to a car or motorcycle headlight. He continues on, finding the book Cosmos by Carl Sagan and a notebook. SeokJin hesitates over the invasion of privacy but decides to read it since he needs all the information that he can gather. The journal entries detail NamJoon’s daily life since returning to Songju: his work at the gas station isn’t too bad despite the occasional rude customer; he purchased a book and hopes to get more in the future; he picked up a second job at a wedding hall to help catch up on bills; his brother NamHyeon got in trouble again, leading to more expenses; and his dad’s health has worsened, with hospital bills after an emergency surgery rising to levels that the family cannot afford. SeokJin knew that NamJoon was the de facto head of household due to his father’s illness but was unaware that it was to this degree. He feels sorry for NamJoon yet is also impressed by his maturity, for NamJoon never writes how difficult his situation is.

NamJoon arrives and asks what SeokJin is doing in the room. If the player chooses to answer “reading” instead of “just sitting there,” SeokJin privately observes that the conversation flows more easily when they talk about books. NamJoon says he must leave and declines when SeokJin offers to wait for him there. SeokJin knocks over a pile of books along with money and receipts as he stands. He thinks it is unusual that NamJoon picks up the books before the money. The books seem to be more than a hobby to NamJoon, holding special meaning. Walking to his car, SeokJin wonders if it is pride or determination not to falter that keeps NamJoon from journaling his grievances. He realizes that money is a constant source of frustration and misery to NamJoon, and that’s why he can’t stomach being insulted over the customer’s dropped money. SeokJin’s new plan is to prevent NamJoon from picking up the money. He also calls Palgok County Hospital and offers to pay the patient bill for NamJoon’s father. Anticipating that NamJoon will be angry if he finds out, SeokJin says the payer is Songho Foundation.

That night, SeokJin returns to the gas station with the excuse that he forgot to fill up earlier. The luxury car arrives with a honk, and NamJoon hurries over to assist. He shakes with anger when the customer drops the money on the ground. “Why aren’t you picking it up? You don’t want it? What’s with that look? Pretty arrogant for a part-timer, aren’t you?” goads the customer. SeokJin intervenes. Whether the player chooses to have him advise NamJoon not to pick it up or to order the customer to pick it up himself, the end result is the same. SeokJin asks the customer, “Why are you harassing a pitiful part-timer?” The customer drives away, and something about NamJoon seems off. His face is expressionless, not mad or humiliated. “SeokJin, you…” He stops. “Never mind. Thank you for your help.” The words sound difficult for him to speak.

SeokJin believes that he has saved NamJoon, although this ending feels sloppy. He continues on in the loop to rescue JungKook and later YoonGi, but uneasiness plagues him. Though he meant to help NamJoon with his actions, SeokJin wonders if he hurt him instead. On 5 May Year 22, he returns to the gas station and follows NamJoon when he leaves work early. NamJoon enters a bookstore, and SeokJin sneaks in after him to watch from afar. He overhears employees talking about NamJoon, worrying that he might dirty the pages of the book he’s perusing. NamJoon is too absorbed in the book to notice one of them calling for his attention. SeokJin recalls a memory from their school days when he found NamJoon reading alone in their classroom hideout: he asked why NamJoon read so diligently, and his friend explained that he found it comforting to empty his thoughts of everything else while focused on the book. In the present, SeokJin wonders how he forgot how much books mean to NamJoon. He sacrifices some of his food and transportation budget to afford them, but they enable him “to endure the weight of the world he’s forced to bear on his shoulders.” After realizing this, SeokJin wants to apologize for carelessly sympathizing with the reality that NamJoon has weathered alone.

The next episode is from NamJoon’s perspective, revealing his excitement over being able to purchase a book for the first time in two months. He wants to buy two but can only afford one. The employee at the register sighs and asks why he leafed through a book he wasn’t going to buy. NamJoon apologizes, and she mutters, “So dirty.” He notices his reflection, clothes worn and smelling of gasoline, and realizes she’s talking about him, not the book. He tries to shake off these depressing thoughts, but he is still not accustomed to this treatment despite experiencing it regularly at work. As NamJoon begins to exit the store, the security alarm goes off. The employees demand to check his bag despite his insistence that he didn’t steal anything. Their certainty of his theft angers him. NamJoon allows them to look through his bag, and they are suspicious of the like-new book in it which he brought from home. One begins to call the police until SeokJin appears, vouching for NamJoon by saying he saw everything. The employees accept that the alarm malfunctioned and excuse their suspicions as a mistake.

Outside, SeokJin asks NamJoon if he is all right. NamJoon is thankful but wonders how SeokJin materialized right when he needed him. “How’d you find me here?” he asks aloud. SeokJin explains that he happened to notice him while walking through the neighborhood. NamJoon wonders if it’s because they said goodbye on a weird note last time. He thanks him and turns to leave. SeokJin calls after him. “I’m sorry. I wanted to apologize. I didn’t mean to upset you that day at the gas station. It was a mistake to have called you pitiful. If my rash actions hurt you, I’m really sorry.” NamJoon accepts his apology, believing it to be sincere, and says that things would have turned out a lot worse if SeokJin had not intervened. Thunder rolls overhead, and NamJoon uses the impending rain as his excuse to depart. He declines SeokJin’s offer of a ride and runs home, feeling his friend’s eyes on him.

Before he can settle down to read at home, NamJoon receives a call from his cheerful mother. She thanks him for paying off the entire hospital bill. NamJoon is perplexed and asks what’s on the receipt, since he didn’t pay it. His mother wants to leave it be, but he insists that they investigate so they don’t get in trouble or sued. She reads that the Songho Foundation is credited as the payer. NamJoon calls the hospital, introducing himself as the guardian for Kim YoungMin, but they can’t transfer him to the administrative department at this time. Disappointed, he looks up the foundation’s website, unable to recall why it sounds familiar. He wonders why a scholarship foundation in the city would get involved with him. Spotting photos of a recent launch ceremony on the site, he recognizes a few people: Songju High School’s principal, the familiar-looking face of the foundation’s chairman, and SeokJin. First, NamJoon forces a laugh, and then it’s difficult for him to breathe. He thinks that SeokJin really had pitied him at that moment. The only thing keeping NamJoon going is the idea of getting through life on his own strength. Why does he have to live like this?

The last episode opens on 5 May back in SeokJin’s perspective. He is confident now that he has saved NamJoon, although it occurs to him that a better alternative may have been to simply pick up the money himself instead of stepping forward. (This decision is enacted in a later loop and depicted in the Euphoria MV.) While reflecting on what comes next to save his other friends, he receives a text from NamJoon. “What’s your account number? I’ll pay you back for the hospital bills. I don’t need your help. I’ll handle my concerns on my own.” Heart sinking, SeokJin wonders how he found out. With a sense of foreboding, he tries calling NamJoon, but no one answers. SeokJin texts him back, pretending that he doesn’t understand, and tells NamJoon to call him. SeokJin’s second attempt connects while he’s gathering his car keys to visit the container. “That’s enough. Just send the account number over text,” NamJoon instructs. SeokJin coaxes him to talk for a moment, and NamJoon asks flatly, “Are you going to apologize again?” SeokJin attempts to salvage the situation, but his friend turns cold when he insists that NamJoon is misunderstanding and that he just wanted to help. “So, why? Why are you helping me?! Yeah, you’re always a good person. You’ve done nothing wrong and I’m the one misunderstanding.” SeokJin apologizes again. NamJoon refuses his request to meet in person. “No, I thought maybe there was a reason for everything you did… But I guess I misconstrued it. I’ll pay you back, so I’d prefer if you stopped contacting me.” Long after the call ends, SeokJin stands holding his phone, feeling that the glass is going to break at any moment. He wants to believe that it’s not over, but hope is slipping through his fingertips.

The episode finishes in NamJoon’s perspective. On 8 May and 9 May, he accepts part-time delivery work and reflects on his three jobs. Whenever he thinks he’s at his breaking point, he focuses on his new goal of returning SeokJin’s money. On 10 May, NamJoon wakes up to his buzzing phone and is called in to work. On a scooter, he passes by a bus stop and notices graffiti. (This is the same bus stop, with matching graffiti, that appears in the Highlight Reel.) Mesmerized, he wonders if it’s TaeHyung’s. As soon as NamJoon looks up, the scooter’s brake fails, and he crashes. The shattered glass on the cold pavement reminds him of the headlight shard and the kid who looked like TaeHyung. (So the piece of glass SeokJin saw in April was really a memento NamJoon retrieved from the scene of the crash in the mountain town, where the delivery boy whom he privately called TaeHyung died. This event is described in NamJoon’s 17 December Year 21 entry in The Notes 1.) NamJoon’s vision grows blurry, and the distant sound of an ambulance doesn’t come any closer.

The arc concludes there, but it obviously marks another reset for SeokJin. It is interesting to note that in this failed loop, NamJoon suffers the same fate that he narrowly avoided in the snowy mountain town before returning to Songju.

Please stay tuned for the next Highlights post featuring JungKook and YoonGi!

#armiesnet #networkbangtan #bangtanarmynet #armysource #dailybangtan #bts universe #hyyh #bangtan universe #bts universe story #bts universe story highlights #seokjin #namjoon #namjin #bts theories

[autumnslance]

About Plagiarism

I left a long, planned essay on Twitter tonight. I will copy the meat of it here for y’all, as recently a friend was copied (a rarer ship in the fandom, so very noticeable by the writer and their regular beta reader) and it seems we need a Talk, kids. Links and screenshots and my rambling underway.

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Apparently we need to discuss what is and isn’t plagiarism. Especially in FanFic where we're interacting with the same characters, settings, ideas. Let’s start with the dictionary and continue the thread from there (I like the word origin/history personally):

Definition of plagiarize

transitive verb  : to steal and pass off (the ideas or words of another) as one's own : use (another's production) without crediting the source

intransitive verb : to commit literary theft : present as new and original an idea or product derived from an existing source

The Kidnapping Roots of Plagiarize

If schools wish to impress upon their students how serious an offense plagiarism is, they might start with an explanation of the word’s history. Plagiarize (and plagiarism) comes from the Latin plagiarius “kidnapper.” This word, derived from the Latin plaga (“a net used by hunters to catch game”), extended its meaning in Latin to include a person who stole the words, rather than the children, of another. When plagiarius first entered English in the form plagiary, it kept its original reference to kidnapping, a sense that is now quite obsolete.

“Ideas” is fuzzy in the Merriam-Webster definition. There are story archetypes that exist in many forms. Joseph Campbell’s Monomyth/Hero's Journey outlines many famous stories. And it's popular to say that “Avatar” is “Dances with Wolves” is “Pocahontas” is “The Last Samurai” etc.

But note how while those films have similar plotlines--”Military Guy falls for Native woman, learns to appreciate her Culture, stands up to Evil Bosses”--none of them execute those ideas in the same way. Sully’s story is different from Dunbar’s not just cuz one’s a Science Fiction epic and the other a Western. Disney's “Pocahontas” Very Loosely takes history and uses the same story beats. The Last Samurai uses the Meiji era Westernization. Same ideas, different executions, even beyond settings.

None of these are plagiarizing each other though the ideas are similar. They’re told in their own ways, own language; both in the genres they belong to (Western, Pseudo-History, SciFi, Animated) and how characters interact with each other and settings. Original dialogues (variable quality).

We also see this in books as similar novel plots get published in waves so we end up with bunches of post-apocalypse teen revolutionaries or various vampires or lots of young wizard stories all at once. Sometimes ideas just happen like this; multiple discovery, simultaneous invention, concurrent inspiration, cognitive emergence are all phrases I’ve seen for it. So it happens in original content as well, and legality gets fuzzy (Also why you don't send authors your fanfic ideas).

In existing properties, this gets trickier but even “Elementary”’s Holmes and Watson are nothing like the BBC’s “Sherlock” characters. Who are nothing like other versions of the Detective and his Doctor pal over the decades in various media properties.

FanFic's in a similar position where like Sherlock Holmes we play with the same characters, setting, and storyarcs but give our own spin to them. People can and will have similar ideas about plots. Trick is to use your own words. Take the characters and make the story your own.

I have a good example courtesy of @raelly-writing​. We both ship Wolcred. We both wrote soft post-Paglth’an scenes with Thancred and our WoLs. Both features the couples helping each other undress, examining injuries, bathing, bantering. My fic was written soon after 5.5 part 1 came out. Dara’s is much more recent. Yet at no point reading hers did I feel she was copying my words. The PoVs differ. Our characters focus on different things. Mine has a mini-arc concerning the Nutkin.

The links for comparison’s sake (and maybe leave kudos/comments if so inclined please and thanks). Note while the scenes are very similar no phrases are written in the same way. Mine: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25417882/chapters/76059467 Dara’s: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26067565/chapters/81832915

Dara and I both hang out in certain Discords and I know conversations about Thancred and WoL caring for each other post-battle has come up in those channels and we've both participated. It’s a stock FanFic scene to boot. Cuz it's soft and feels warm and snuggly.

I HAVE been copied before, back in WoW. My case is pretty clear cut so here are the images of my old RP Haven profile (1st, old RP website) and the plagiarist’s RSP (2nd, an in game mod to share descriptions and basic info). 

This was a decade ago on Shadow Council and I think the character deleted so any Availa’s in WoW now aren’t the same person. I left the names to point out what changed. Just the names and a word or 2 to make sense for the class changes as well. Otherwise lifted directly from my RP profile.

The funny part is how the person got caught. Literally walked into our weekly RP Guild meeting that I was running and asked to join. Folks noticed right away the similar backstory; after all there may have been more Outland-born Azerothians. My initial excitement at a character I could weave into our story turned to gut-twisting rage and grief as I recognized my own exact words though. Words I’d carefully crafted and constantly iterated on to improve over time (before and after this incident, until the site died).

When caught they tried to claim their significant other had leveled the character for them and made up the backstory based on Skyrim. If you know WoW’s Outland story and Skyrim’s plot you know how ridiculous that is. Also tried to lie about other drama I knew about thanks to roommate's characters but hey. I had to be blunt that I’d shared the info with Haven mods and other guild officers Alliance and Horde. That we would not “laugh about this” one day though lucky this was “just” RP not original or academic work. Cuz if it'd been monetized or academic I would've raked them through the coals.

I felt violated. Hurt. Had anxiety attacks. They took MY WORDS and tried to claim them as theirs. Have another character born in Outland trained by Draenei; Awesome! Our characters have an instant connect in similarities and differences of that experience. Don’t steal my characters wholesale!

Then the audacity of trying to come into my guild as if no one would notice. ShC wasn’t a large server by then, still active but not nearly Wyrmrest Accord or Moon Guard big. My character was well known due to my writing and RP. Speaking of how easy it is to get caught in specific spaces...A case of a self-published novelist getting noticed for plagiarizing fanfic was discovered recently (explicit erotica examples through the thread).

One way they got noticed was how much content they put out in only a year, lifted from fandom. The examples in Kokom’s threads show how the material was altered but still recognizable. In some cases, just the names are changed as in my experience. In other passages more has changed but you can still see the bones of the original fic poking through in the descriptions and character interactions, even with adjustments made.

Similar ideas happen. Similar plots exist. Same 'ships with friends are fun! In FanFic we’re working with the same material. It’s possible to write a similar scene differently. To make that scene and characters your own. All we’re asking is not to copy others' words. Others' characters. Others' specific phrases and descriptions used to bring those words, those characters, to life. Use your own. In the end you’ll be happier.

I get wanting to have what the perceived “popular people” have. I get seeing concepts others succeed with and wanting some of that too. We all get a bit jealous now and then for various reasons. Sometimes we don't even realize it, consciously. But do it in your own way. Maybe check to see if you’re getting a bit too close to the “inspiration” you admired, maybe reread often. Don’t hurt your fellow creatives. If you do and get caught don’t try to double down. Have the grace to be abashed at least and work to do better. Eventually you WILL get caught. All it takes is once to throw all else you've done into question. Ao3 doesn’t take kindly to plagiarists. Nor do a lot of fan communities focused on writing and RP. Getting back that trust is hard. The internet doesn’t forget easily, for good or ill.

#writing #blogging #about me #social media #plagiarism #fanfiction #Ao3

[glitxhwayventeen]

Love Is Gone

Junhui: Chapter 3 (Lonely)

Characters: Junhui x female reader

General Genre/Warnings: multi-member au (different scenarios), werewolf au, fantasy, angst, blood mentions, knife play kinda?, domestic abuse, kidnappings, degrading, mental illness, suicidal tendencies, sexual mentions, mentions of brainwashing, mentions of forced marking, suggestive content, a forced kiss or two, violence, death mentions, made up universe, Any others will be put as warnings when future chapters are thought up/written.

Author’s Note: PLEASE DONT HATE ME FELLOW WEISHENNIES ITS JUST A STORY I SWEAR IT JUST MAKES FOR A GOOD READ DONT KILL ME.

Please remember that all of these chapters and the content within them are a work of fiction! They’re just for fun/entertainment!

Love Is Gone Master List

Bold= Dialogue Italics= Thoughts

🥀

Chapter 3: Lonely

A loud dripping sound suddenly started buzzing in your ears, causing you to stir from your deep slumber. When you finally managed to flutter your drooping lashes open, you realized the current place you were at wasn’t the same room you had fallen asleep in.

You moved your dizzy gaze to the left of you to find the source of the dripping noise out of instinct and realized the wet noise was coming from some stalagmites that had water gently flowing to their tips. Okay… you DEFINITELY were NOT at the pack’s house.

Turning your sore head straight forward, you could see a bunch of old blankets and raggy pillows scattered about the floor of the rocky space you found yourself in. That’s really odd. And that’s saying something coming from an old ass wolf who literally can not die.

You noticed that there was a rather giant rock that was littered with various items and supplies to your right.

That’s when the realization hit you: you must’ve been in a cave. You were surrounded by unfamiliar sounds and sights.

Quickly gaining an uncomfortable feeling in your bones, you also realized you were unable to move freely. Your arms were chained up above your head, the chains were the only thing that had kept you from falling to the ground in agony from your weakened state. Though you didn’t feel any burning sensation around the site of the metal cuffs surrounding your wrists. Must not be real silver chains. At least that’s good…

You knew it was best to try and stay as calm as you could considering over exhausting yourself when you were so sickly would cause you to run out of energy even faster. But you could hear your own heart beating like a hummingbird in your chest. Breathe. Think. Don’t be an idiot. You can’t die here… wherever here is.

You were still barely strong enough to continue moving your chest up and down to control your heart rate, but somehow you managed to gain composure to give you a slightly clearer head. You tried struggling slightly in your restraints, just to really see how far your body could go without being haunted by the metal holding you to the wall, before letting go of your strength. It was too much.

You were too far gone. You didn’t want to be wherever it was you were, but you could barely even wiggle your arms in their place. You highly doubted you’d be able to help yourself out of whatever mess you had woken up to.

Soon, you accepted a tentative defeat and lolled your head off to the side, your straining movements had tired you and what little energy you had.

You let out a small whimper in sadness at the thought of having to give up. You missed the pack, even if it wasn’t your pack. They all treated you like a sister and you were just beginning to feel like they were truly your brothers. You didn’t want to leave them. You missed the comfort of your room, even if it wasn’t really your own room. It gave you solace when you were sad and was the first real place you actually managed to call your room for centuries. You didn’t want to give that up. But most of all, you missed Jun, even if he didn’t miss you. Seeing his face, feeling his heart beat, and even hearing his name come out of someone else’s mouth we’re luxuries you never took for granted and now, you couldn’t even remember the last time you saw him. Everything was such a daze that all the days and memories seemed to mash together now.

“Wellllll THAT attempt was just plain pathetic.” A voice laced in venom sneered towards the dark corner of the cave.

You squinted your eyes, hoping to see the figure that was moving closer to you better and gave the air around you a small sniff. He was a wolf too. His scent was unfamiliar and wasn’t one you recognized from the friendly packs close to yours which worried you. But what really gave you cause for concern was the fact that he wasn’t the only foreign wolf you smelt. He wasn’t alone.

Once his image appeared from the shadows, you were met with a man around your physical age. Though he was rather lean with some muscle and was MUCH taller than you. You guessed that he was probably closer to Jun or Mingyu’s height. He had dark flecked eyes, and black feathered yet perfectly styled hair. The man was shirtless. When you managed to catch a closer glance, you could see that one of his ears was pointed at the top similar to that of an elf.

A dominating aura seemed to radiate off of him as he finally met you face to face, his hot breath bouncing off of you as he smirked with a shit eating grin.

“Wh- Who are you…?” You questioned, doing your best to back up further from the large male by pushing your entire body against the frigid hard rock behind you uncomfortably in the process.

“Me?” He raised a slit eyebrow, clearly amused at your confusion, “Why, the name’s Sicheng doll.” He chuckled lowly at you, sending violent chills down your spine.

“But wouldn’t a better question for you to be asking be ‘what am I doing here?” He fake teased you, shifting gears from being happily tormenting you to forcibly bringing his hand under your chin to have you look him in the eye. You flinched automatically at the sudden contact he initiated and tried to center your vision anywhere but him as you felt it would give him too much power over you.

Yet all he let you focus on was his face. You immediately noticed that his eyes were almost completely pitch black. You had heard people say that eyes were the windows to a person’s soul. Well if that saying was true, this guy’s soul must’ve been darker than an abyss at the bottom of the ocean. Knowing the eyes staring at you intently weren’t the usual lively caramel colored ones you were used to seeing with the pack set an unsettling feeling to your heart.

You also noticed that when he spoke Korean, he spoke it with a quite thick East Asian accent. He must not have been from Korea originally either.

You paused for a moment, wetting your abruptly dry throat with a hurried swallow and did your best to show firmness through your compromising position.

“F-Fine then. What am I doing here?” You tried to sassily muster out, though it came off as you being very evidently cautious of the whole situation around you.

“Ah now see, now you’re asking the right question. I nabbed you from that dreary old house you’ve been staying at after I sensed you in the woods the other day. Figured you’d make a reeeaaal nice addition to my collection.” He answered smuggly, his thumb stroking your chin in admiration while he bit his lip in amusement.

“C-Collection?” You gulped, trying your best to keep your heart rate under control so he wouldn’t sense your fear.

But you knew he could. It took one sniff of the air for you to realize that he was a werewolf. The whole cave reeked of a foreign wolf pack and several of what you assumed were mates. You could distinctly pick out six other male wolves, but you weren’t sure what else you were sensing. It didn’t make sense. You smelt about 14 ish humans. But those couldn’t have all been mates. Not with the number of wolves in the pack being so… low… right…?

“Yes baby girl. You see, me and my brothers, we aren’t really your run of the mill wolf pack.” He licked his lips and inhaled the smell lingering on your hair before he continued, “Just like you aren’t an average everyday run of the mill girl.”

“W- What do you want with me?” You whined, gripping your hands together above your head, hoping to calm yourself down.

His words were frightening you. The amount of smells around you scared you. You were starting to put two and two together and you weren’t liking what it was all adding up to. Red flags and sirens were going off in your head every second that went by.

“Hmm. Well see, that all depends…” He trailed as he finally let go of your chin and took a few steps back to grab a bottle from the makeshift table beside you.

You hesitated before you asked a question that sent chills down your now boney spine.

“Depends on w-what…?” You stuttered, heart booming out of your chest in anticipation.

“On what your mate’s pack will do when they realize you’re missing.” He chuckled darkly, opening up the bottle in his hands and taking a long swig.

The deep pit in your stomach told you you were beyond fucked. Your mate wasn’t even really your mate, he didn’t want you. You found yourself in a distant cave surrounded by a foreign pack of what seemed to be mate stealers. You were too weak to fight, you didn’t have a connection to the pack, and your mate didn’t care if you lived or died. How could you count on Jun and his pack mates to save you when you weren’t even one of their own? How were you going to get out of this alive? How were you going to get out of this without being marked by a wolf that wasn’t your mate?

-

Paw prints were echoing off the forest floor as all 13 wolves darted through, following a scent that Minghao had picked up near your bedroom window.

Ran had began to pour, meaning your scent was getting harder and harder to find. But Minghao had trained his nose from years and years of drug smuggling and raiding to be able to pick up the slightest difference in scent. He was able to find your trail with ease and lead the others in a search for you at Jun’s insistence.

Come on, it’s this way! Minghao demanded through the boys mental connection, ushering his brothers to go faster to catch up with him.

How do we even know it’s her? She was too weak to have traveled all this way by herself. Wonwoo questioned, begrudgingly trotted behind his brothers.

He’s right. It smells similar to her… but something’s…. off. Joshua added, attempting to suggest the boys should stop their hunt for you and regroup themselves to think of a better plan.

It’s her. Junhui snapped at his brothers, pushing past them and making his way towards the front next to the only other Chinese wolf in the pack.

Jun could smell your sweet scent in front of them. He could feel the pull in the direction they were heading in. He knew you were out there. He had to get to you. His instincts told him you were in trouble even if his brothers all believed you just went out to the woods to die. He knew better.

He wanted to take everything back. He wanted to go back in time and change all the things he had said to you. He wanted to hold and kiss you and never let your loving smile leave his side ever again. He had to get to you to fix everything, so he didn’t give a shit, his brothers were going to help him find you even if they didn’t believe something had happened to you. Because they knew if push came to shove, he’d do the exact same for them regardless of his own personal feelings about the situation because he was their brother.

The street smart wolf stopped in his tracks and began sniffing at the ground around him. The others formed a small circle near him, ready to pounce at the most minuscule of threats.

What’s up Hao? Seungcheol sped to the younger wolf’s side in an instant, concerned now that the other boy had become quiet.

Minghao took a final sniff before he stopped abruptly. Slowly, he raised his head up from the muddy ground and brought his eyes to Jun for a moment. It was a look Jun couldn’t place exactly, but based on the whine he let out during the interaction, he knew it couldn’t be any good. Minghao quickly turned his attention back to the ‘oldest’ alpha.

I- I smell other wolves. Minghao mentally gulped to the others.

But (Y/N) doesn’t have a pack to return to… they’re all dead… aren’t they…? Jeonghan cautiously let out, earning a small whimper from Junhui.

He knew you had no one other than his own pack. They all did. He also knew that other wolves involved meant that A.) you definitely didn’t leave the house willingly and B.) you were in a shit ton of trouble. And it was all his fucking fault.

“Tell me Dollface, why hasn’t your mate marked you yet hmm?” The man you now knew as Sicheng asked you, slowly drawing the blade he had grabbed against the skin of your torso with just enough pressure to make you aware of its presence but not enough to break skin.

“Because he- he just hasn’t gotten around to it.” You fibbed, looking away from the man as he quickly drew the blade harder against your tissue, causing you to wince as a small line of blood began to form and slide down your side.

“Don’t lie to me gorgeous. It’s impolite.” He growled at you, now bringing the knife to your smooth cheek menacingly.

“Now don’t make me ruin that pretty face of yours. What’s the REAL reason hmm?” Sicheng pouted, lifting the piece of metal back and forth against your face like a feather.

“He- he doesn’t want me.” You cried out, doing your best to inch yourself away from the taller boy’s blade.

“Now, what kind of dumbass wouldn’t want such a sweet little thing like you?” He rhetorically asked with a dry laugh, dropping his knife from your face and setting it on the large rock table beside you.

His words stung more than the long cut on your stomach. He was using your insecurities against you. Plus he was talking about someone you loved in such a degrading manner. Jun wasn’t dumb. He may not have wanted you or loved you like you wanted him to, but you knew that Jun was anything but stupid.

Just as you let your head fall in despair, 3 young looking boys came bouncing through the caves patchwork door with pep in their steps. Sicheng brought himself to his feet and walked over to them.

“Well?” He asked, clearly intimidating the beta and omega wolves with his dominant tone.

“Everything’s going as planned.” The seemingly youngest of the three answered in Korean with an accent similar to Sicheng’s, stepping out of the way as the door opened again, this time revealing three other new men and many trotting behind them women.

“And you’re sure?” Sicheng inquired again, seeming to ponder their answer to his previous question in his head as he drew himself even closer to them.

“Yup. Followed Ten’s scent. Just like our little Xiaojun predicted.” A smaller older broader man let out in Chinese, slapping the smallest of the three original boys on the back, earning a quiet groan from him.

A happy smile appeared on Sicheng’s face that seemingly lit up at the older boys statement.

“Good.” He spoke again, this time going behind the other men and pushed the women inside the cave.

As all the other women began their journey into the rest of the cave, Sicheng quickly grabbed a blonde haired one by her waist, spun her around, and smashed his plump lips to her thin ones. This looked as if it surprised the woman, who had wide eyes at the action, but she kissed back nonetheless.

You internally gagged at such public PDA. The whole scene in front of you made you sick. You could smell the wolves on all the women. ALL the wolves on ALL the women. They must’ve all been marked by every member of their pack. The thought made you want to hurl. You seriously debated whether or not to actually screech at the couple in front of you to stop. Sure you’d probably get hit, but at least you’d possibly get knocked out again so you wouldn’t have to see that shit.

During your mental battle with yourself, one of the younger original three wolves that hadn’t spoke up yet had come to stand in front of you. You looked him up and down one time before he leaned in and smelt the crook of your neck, letting a little growl emit from his chest as he nipped at your earlobe. You attempted to shake the creep off of you, but there wasn’t much you could do in your current state other than jostle yourself around and make faces of discontent.

“Gege, I like this one. When can we have her already?” He asked Sicheng in Chinese, grabbing one of the locks of your hair betweens his fingers and playing with it as he spoke.

You couldn’t tell if they knew you were picking up on their conversations or not. You spoke Chinese and Cantonese fluently because of all your traveling of China’s mainland. You decided to not let them know you could understand them, you figured playing dumb and listening in on their discussions could come in handy more than snapping back at them in their native language could.

“Never! She’s mine. Back OFF!” Sicheng snapped back, stepping in between the two of you and pushing the younger wolf away from you.

The black haired wolf let out another warning growl and started to square up to the much larger wolf before the oldest looking one intervened in an attempt to halt the fights escalation.

“Aya. You are two grown ass men. Stop fighting over your toys when there’s plenty to go around.” He chuckled darkly while spreading his arms to show the two boys all the other women in the room.

“But Kun-Ge, I want this one first. I was the one who saw her first. I’m the one who planned all this. I’m the one who’s been tracking her. She’s MINE.” Sicheng huffed at the older wolf, Kun, who put his hands in the air in defeat.

“Fine fine keep her. Just stop being such an asshole.” Kun let out and turned his attention to the darker haired wolf that came up to you moments ago.

“Hendery, if you want to play, go play with one of the other playthings. This ones off limits.” He paused for a second and turned his gaze towards you.

“For now…” he finished, pushing the other boy to go with him to their living area and bring one of the women with him to sit on his lap.

Hendery did the same thing, pulling one of the women by her waist and setting her down on his knee once he took a seat on the ground. Only he began kissing her aggressively afterwards. And she was enjoying it.

It wasn’t that you were a prude or that you weren’t okay with people who had multiple partners. Far from it, you believed that people should be able to love who they want to love so long as no one got hurt and everything was consensual. But you had gained some knowledge of few mate stealers from your long time on Earth.

You knew that the women around you had become mates to the wolves that held you captive solely because they bit each of them. They weren’t meant to be with them so chances were, they fought them to begin with and didn’t want them. But once bit, a woman bonds with the stealing wolf and can’t fight the mating pull. It’s one of the reasons other wolves hates mate stealers so much. Their bites turned their mates against them, their original wolves, and forced them to love the stealer. From some of the cases you had encountered, you knew how truly heartbreaking the whole process was. The wolf would die off from losing their true mate, and the mate would be forced to be with the wolf who brainwashed them and essentially killed their real love. You couldn’t imagine what was gonna happen to you…

They all knew how to make women love them and feel like they were all they had left. They knew how to focus you to do what they want. They just had to break you and your tough exterior. For them, it would be even easier because your mate didn’t want you. You already felt unloved and unworthy of anyone or anything, they just had to push you to a point where you were completely desperate…

“What’s wrong doll? You like the view?” Sicheng teased you, getting into your personal space again only this time, he lowered himself to your lowered level.

“No. It makes me want to throw up.” You declared, narrowing your eyes at the wolf in front of you, not caring if he decided to retaliate because of your negative response.

“Hmm. Well you won’t be saying that for too much longer sweetheart.” Sicheng informed, gripping your face and pushing your lips against his after the sentence had left his lips.

You hated it. You hated him. You hated all of them. You were just trying to die in peace. It was bad enough that your mate rejected you, did the universe have to put you through this too?

After a few moments of contact, Sicheng pulled away. You gagged and spit out, trying to get the taste of him out of your mouth and wanting to show your disgust for his actions all in one go.

He let out a loud blunt chuckle before he smacked your face, causing a red mark to no doubt form on the fragile tissue. The side of your face felt hot and prickled with a small needle feeling.

“You know gorgeous, I don’t have to wait for your mate to get here to turn you. I could just do it now. I could. I’d get to have a taste of you already and you’d willing get on your knees for me at the ready. But I’m not going to. Not yet. It’s so much sweeter to watch your real mate’s face fall knowing that he lost his precious mate. Even if he didn’t want you to begin with, his instincts will no doubt draw him here and when that happens, everything will be set.” Sicheng taunted, caressing your burning cheek with his large hand gently, his movements being the complete opposite of his harsh words.

“You know, most mates would’ve yelled for their loved ones already. They would’ve already started begging for us to let them go. They would be fighting like hell to get away. But not you. Nope, you’re our good girl.” He smirks, trailing his finger down your neck and chest.

You couldn’t help but let a low growl vibrate from your chest at his tone. You weren’t his girl. You weren’t any of theirs. You were Jun’s or you were dead in your eyes. Sicheng could go to hell.

“You’re smart. You already know your mate hates you and wants nothing to do with you.”

Pang

Your eyes started to gloss over as the evil boy in front of you continued his little rant. Hot tears started brimming your water lines at the thought of your mate hating you, you were holding the water works you were about to have back with all your might. You didn’t want to give this man the satisfaction of knowing how much his words irked you.

“You already know he couldn’t care less if you died or if we took you for ourselves. You’ve probably been begging for someone to put you out of your misery due to your mate’s rejection.”

Pang Pang

The flood gates that were barely held together finally broke apart and tears began streaming down your shattered face. You couldn’t help it. You wanted so hard to believe that he was wrong, but he hardly even knew you and he already knew it was true.

“You’re unwanted”

Pang Pang Pang

You started sobbing. You started sobbing hard. It was true. It was all true. Why deny it? Your breathing was getting shorter and your vision was getting darker. You were sniffling and your lip was quivering in front of the wolf who had kidnapped you. No one but a bunch of mate stealers wanted you, and they only wanted you for their little harem.

“You’re unloved”

Pang Pang Pang Pang

Why fight it? Your legs felt like jelly. Your heart hurt more and was beating faster than it ever had. You were worthless. No one loved you. You were a nothing. Jun wasn’t coming for you. No one was. No one was ever gonna love you. He was right. Everyone was gone. You were… You were…

“And you’re all alone.”

-

Jun felt his heart start to pound. It felt like a cement block had been sat in his stomach and that a weight had slowly started pulling his heavily beating muscle down like an anchor. He knew it was you, that you were in pain beyond imagination. He just knew you were getting hurt again and again because he could feel everything you felt. It killed him to know that you were being hurt by an enemy pack and he wasn’t there to protect you. It destroyed him to know you felt like you wanted to die because of the wounds that had gathered from their torment. But there was nothing he could do other than try and push his brothers and himself harder to get to you as fast as they could. He just hoped it wasn’t gonna be too late by the time he got there…

(Updated 9/1)

#seventeen #seventeen angst #seventeen au #seventeen fanfic #seventeen fluff #seventeen smut #svt au #seventeen x reader #jun svt #wen junhui #junhui #jun seventeen

[maladaptive-ninja-returns]

Something more than Dreaming (One Shot)

Loki x Reader Avengers The Office AU (Slowwwwww Burn)

Warnings: weird dreams. Panic blushing

Word Count: It feels so weird to work in an office which has one-fourth of the workload of your previous office (though this one has ten times the responsibility, coz I am the head here). Anywhooo, I am in a place where there is no booze, no bars, no friends. :/

MASTERLIST in bio, darlings. Tags are open (check bio)

The lights are a mixture of all the flavours the Gods can taste on their tongue. The seventy-five coloured rainbow seems like the perfect vibe for the buzz that is setting in on the nerves currently. Bass-boosted music and the cool air running through the building filled with heated, sweat-ridden bodies is driving everyone up on a new high. Wait. Is everyone feeling the same high? Or is it just me? Before that sharp brain of his can evaluate the situation, a new beat is hitting him hard along with the scene he witnesses unfolding in front of him. There in the unruly crowd of drunk and horny strangers, seven hottest aliens dance along with the one person his eyes seem to be searching for. You.

It's not good enough for me, since I been with you It's not gonna work for you, nobody can equal me

Everything else fades away in the background- and he is convincing himself that it is because his senses are heightened in a dark place filled with lunatics- and the only focus is you. That is what he repeats to himself when his eyes land on the movement of your fingers in your hair; that is what he is singing internally when watching you pout and bite your lip makes him gulp.

I'm gonna sip on this drink when I'm fucked up I should know how to pick up

That is what he wants to smack into his head when he feels his body gravitate in your direction while you are swinging your hips in a way he feels should be considered a sin; a sweet seductive sin.

I'm gonna catch the rhythm while she push up against me Ooh, and she tipsy

He keeps denying the internal dialogue of feeling jealous with all these strangers around you all this time, and still cannot get his icy glare off anyone who gets even an inch closer to you. At one point he is happy to see the boys be distracted by the light show that begins at the bar. That is until he sees something he does not like. He does not even realise the eyes he turns with those veins popping out of his arms and neck, neither does he acknowledge the dangerous vibe he gives off that automatically clears his path to you to remove that excuse of a lizard trying to prey on you from your back. With one tight hold on his neck, he is making that pervy lizard writhe and struggle where he stands, making him shed his skin with just the poisonous look in those green eyes. That devilish glare is enough to send that creature running. Once he is convinced there is no sign of any more ill intentions, he turns back to the most unaware person in the world- you, of course- and watches you struggling to twerk.

I had enough convo for 24 I peep'd you from across the room Pretty little body, dancing like GoGo, aye

There is a minute pause when he tries to absorb what exactly it is that you are trying to do and has to question how you are the same person he saw dancing so effortlessly a few seconds ago. Just when his patience runs out, he grabs your hand and takes you away, walking through the dispersing crowd without looking back till he finds the darkest corner in this excuse of a building and pushes you towards it. He can easily assess that with the amount of bao-bao in your system, you won't struggle. And you don't. Your back is against the wall and by the time you can ask him- in between the giggles- what was going on, you find those familiar arms caging you from either side.

But you are unforgettable I need to get you alone Why not?

The bubbles of fun are suddenly popping from the heat your whole body feels at once with Loki's body so close to yours. That perfect mess that is his hair is covering his face while eyes are stuck on you. His brows are struggling to loosen themselves up and his breaths are shallow.

A fucking good time, never hurt nobody I got a little drink but it's not Bacardi

You can tell he has been sweating, for you can smell his very intense natural odour- something you have become quite familiar with on this space trip; the trip that continues to make you conscious about your own body's smell now that you do not have any deodorants to cover it up. You can also tell there is something wrong with the way his veins are popping in his neck- though you do not refrain from admitting to yourself that it kinda makes him look hot. Very hot.

If you loved the girl then I'm so, so sorry I got to give it to her like we in a marriage

You know it is that bao-bao making you so bold but you could swear to all the powers in the universe you want to take a chance. The thought is tempting and fun to fantasise about till you realise that his hands have come close enough to brush against your arms and the mere touch is sending an unfathomable buzz up and down your body. "Loki-" is all you struggle to get out of your dry throat that is thirsting for things it should not be. And to add to these strange waves crashing inside your limbs, he brings his face closer to yours. You know your heart has taken a dive and your lungs are fluttering with that sweet scent of alcohol that brushes on your lips with his sigh. So close is his face that you can spot every single cell of flawlessness on his skin. Is this really happening?

Oh, like we in a hurry No, no I won't tell nobody

It feels like he can hear your thoughts for his hand comes to pick those sweaty stray strands of your hair away from your face and behind your ear. This is really happening. The world is swirling all around you. So are your breaths when they see those wanting lips come closer. Not able to take this twist along with the stuff you are high on, you close your eyes and wait with parted lips.

You're on your level too Tryna do what lovers do

The fire inside his gut is driving him closer to you even though his sanity is questioning every logical reason behind this. But that sweet scent coming off you is clouding every possible sane answer there could be. That's the thing. He does not want to be sane anymore. What is the advantage in that anyway? His hand is moving on its own, catching his breath when he feels your heated skin on the back of his fingers while brushing away those hair strands that are driving him mad for making you look so...he dare not say such things even to himself- that make him feel things. And boy, does he not like feeling things, especially such things. Oh, lords be praised! He loves the way your gaze is struggling to rest at one place, walking all over his eyes to his jaw before settling on his lips. And then closing themselves shut. He does not know whether that is an invitation or not. But looks like this sweet alcohol is making him bold. So, this is what alcohol really does to you, huh, he wonders, thanking the maker for this ale that was able to make a God feel the buzz. ... Wait. I am feeling the buzz. His own statement makes him blink out of the drunken trance for a second. "Why did the beer taste sweet?" his suspicion speaks. That suspicion is quickly turned right when he sees your meek smile and feels the floor beneath his feet sweep him face down into the ground. "Oh f-"

   The boy band patiently sits in the lounge in their own particular ways. While one is sipping on their drink, the other has got their face in their palms. One has that mischievous smirk on his face and the one sitting next to him is gazing with a look of pure confusion. One has got his brow up while tapping his lips with his index and the other one is pushing two glasses of- what looks like- water towards the one particular side. And their captain is just plain tired at this point, looking at the ones who are their centre of attention. You and Loki.

You sway to and fro on the couch while Loki sits next to you with his head in his palms, his eyes lost in a void, given up on this world. You are pouting by this point, looking at the empty table in the middle of the crowd of you nine. "So...are we going to order food soon?" You had to ask. You feel a movement from your left and are nervous to look in that direction, whining internally when Loki drowns you in his judgmental gaze. "I'm hungry," you mutter as you look down. "I don't think you're getting any food today, Princess," Violet mentions, turning all the heads to him. "What, I was just translating what Loki's eyes are saying." "But I'm hungryyy," you cry. Loki closes his eyes and sighs. "Serves you right to starve." Violet carries on with his translation. "Stop it," Loki commands with his eyes still shut. "Okay." "Why did you spike his drink though?" Green asks put loud, making it hard for you to get away from all those curious eyes. You shrug. "I just thought it'd be fun. Loki will let his hair down and, I don't know, dance." "From the looks of it, it was gonna be more than a dance." "What?" "I said from the looks of it Loki can't dance." Loki pretends to have not heard White's word but narrows his eyes at him when he gets the chance. "Relax-" White gestures you two to drink the water-like liquid- "both of you are on the fourth stage. One more and it'll wear off like it was never there." "What's the fifth stage?" you tilt your head while your hands are squeezing your abdomen. "And how do you know about these stages?" "The Bao-Baos are our people's speciality," all seven of them say in sync, leaving you a little speechless. "So what's the fif-" You pause and never come back to the sentence. Your eyes are looking at infinity, seemingly lost in a trance, your body has let go of all the tightness, easing into the couch. Loki turns to watch the slow transformation. Anyone can tell from the look on his face that the word 'worried' right now begins and ends on you. He also knows that with that metabolism of his, he is going to hit that stage you are in, in no time. And so he goes, letting his trance begin while his gaze is still settled on you. There is a pause around the table as seven pairs of eyes observe the both of you. "Alright boys-" White slaps his thighs- "you know what to do." All of them get up with different tasks in mind. Violet takes two fuzzy blankets out of nowhere to put them around you and Loki. Green lights a candle and puts it a little close to the side where his tranced bunnies sit. Orange takes the charge to put headphones on and takes a few seconds to decide whether to put on his romance playlist or horror playlist. Red and Yellow draw the curtains to the private lounge while Sky puts shades on you and Loki before tucking a plushy under your arm, Loki's arm and handing one to Lulu as well. "Perfect," White announces, "now let's have some fun till they sober up." He calls for Lulu- who readily jumps and settles on his shoulder- and goes out into the crowd with his brothers, leaving the two of you to go through the final stage of your colourful high.

You The music is a soft melody with a depth given to the bass, and you can automatically tell there is a touch of Galimatias in there somewhere. Blinking and feeling the environment around you, you find yourself out in the open, an unlit paper lamp in your hand surrounded by the building and creatures you were just dancing around. This cannot be real, is just a passing thought in your mind, never given the weight it deserves. Why? Because you are already distracted by the pairs sitting on the grass under the shimmering night sky and oil lamps either hung on the trees, rested on rock piles or kept safely on the grass. The scenic beauty is too romantic and the smell of vanilla burning somewhere is bringing up emotions you wanted to keep hidden from the world for some time more. If it isn't for the voice that calls out for you from behind, you are quite sure another minute would have ended in tears. "Is this the spot?" You know the voice all too well to turn around voluntarily but a part of your subconscious itches at this new wavelength you feel in that very sound. That silken voice that has a veil over it suddenly seems...free. And to add to your surprise, the God of Mischief who adores the shades of gold, green and black is out of the blue walking towards you in a white shirt and blue jeans. Are those ripped jeans? And did he just tie his hair back? You are in the middle of thinking about this new persona when you are pushed into the river of questions with that slight tilt of his head and a huge smile. If only you could see the look on your face like Loki 2.0 was seeing right now. Your frown; your wrinkled nose and those lips turned as if they have tasted something sour.  "What?" He laughs. "You're laughing?" Your gasp of unbelief is not making it easy for the God. "I just asked you if we're sitting here and you looked at me as if I was some strange alien." He shakes his head. So do you- at the fact that you could see his teeth throughout that sentence. "It's just-" you lick your lips and try to move a liiiittle back, away from him- "I've never seen you smile this much, let alone laugh." He breaks in a giggle, making you pause your breath. "Staahhp," he nearly sings and pokes you on your collar, trying to act all shy, forcing you to wonder if he is an imposter. "Okay, something is definitely of-faa-" The distraction in front of you makes you miss the end of the stone beneath your step, almost sending you down seven feet but Loki is quick to catch you by your hand and pulling in towards him by your waist. Ah. Now, this chest to chest nearness is quite familiar. So is that scent that naturally lingers on him. It is him. More or less.

Loki The illuminated aquatic ball gets a red and yellow micro planet down the hole. The tentacled pink alien grumbles something at his opponent, breaks his cue stick and stomps out of the bar. A nonchalant chuckle comes of that very opponent as he straightens himself after those smooth three shots. "Come back when you are old enough to stop whining." "One Midgardian Sex on the Beach for Loki," the waitress sings before setting the twirling glass down beside his cue stick and walking away- but not before she has felt that ass on her fingers. There is not much colour on his face except for a tired look in his eyes when he feels those intruding hands on his jeans. "Get those hands away be-" "Before he cuts them off clean." Loki has to turn to find the source of the voice that is somewhat quite usual to his ears. And when he does, the waitress is forgotten right at that moment, for all his senses are on you. You stand at the entrance facing Loki, who has to take a lungful of this musty bar air to come to terms that the person wearing a generous amount of kajal and smokey eyes is you. That smile on your lips assures him that. But the outfit brings back some more questions. All black. Those jeans- black. That tank top- black. That leather jacket- black. Those high boots- black. Those belt accessories hanging off those thighs- wait, they actually look good on her. And is that a nose ring? Your steps come to a halt right in front of the God; the very God who stands there nearly toppling over his cue stick. Your fingers take the liberty to tap him under the chin and draw yourself close enough. "Better keep that butt safe from unwanted hands before I claw someone for even looking at them," you whisper before pretending to bite him and walking away with his drink. The chill around his neck does not subside even after you're gone. And he is still wondering just one thing. "What kind of bao-bao did she eat now?"

You "What?" "...Nothing." Loki smiles and tries to hide his face in his hair. "Why are you looking at me like that?" It's no lie. You have been staring at Loki for the past twenty minutes with a smile on your face. You are sitting the same way you were sitting when he longingly looked at a couple making out, or when he moaned while eating a burger, or when he said you looked pretty in the moonlight. "I am wondering," you hum, letting your arm cradle your head, your gaze still stuck on him. "Wondering what." Loki mirrors you. "How amazing you are," you sigh, closing your eyes, "and yet I miss my Loki."

Loki "Are you comfortable in those?" He is still getting used to your eyes following every single hot body that passes by the room, checking them out without any restraints. Your eyes finally come back to him and find him pointing at your outfit. "Why? You wanna borrow them for the night?" Your suggestive voice raises the God's brows and forces him to inhale through his mouth before blowing all that air out. "I will just borrow my own drink for now," he acknowledges while taking his cocktail and downing it in huge gulps, all the while you sit there with your legs apart, resting quite casually with your arms on the bar table. Breathing in through your teeth you lick your lips. "You are looking quite yummy today, Loki-" you tilt your head and smirk with your eyes- "wonder how you'll look on that pool table there." "Quite heavy on top of you," he quips, feeling a burp come up. His arms go past you to keep the glass over the tabletop when he feels your legs wind themselves around his to pull him closer. "What makes you think you'll get to the top?" you point out while playing with his belt loops. Loki looks at you for one long minute. Eventually, he lets his hand set those two hair strands in their place, every from those side braids that add something to your look which clearly does something to Loki. "As painfully lovely as that offer is," Loki hums and looks right into your eyes, "I feel I should rather bear with the Y/N I know."

You wake up with a jolt to the bass-boosted music thumping outside. Removing the shades and rubbing your eyes you nearly slip your lenses out. "Fuck," you mumble under your breath before realising you had been drooling. On Loki's shirt. Your fingers work discreetly to wipe that drool off his black shirt. "You are buying me a new one." His voice reverberates in your ear that is closer to his chest, sending goosebumps down your body. Slowly moving away from his chest to sit straight, you wipe the marks of your saliva away from your lips and clear your throat. Loki clears his throat and snaps the knots in his neck and then removes his shades. "I didn't realise when I fell asleep," you mumble as your fingers move through your hair to straighten them out. "Probably went through the last stage," Loki insists, removing any wrinkles from his shirt and finding something resembling a plushy under his arm. "Which was one bizarre dream," he mutters. "Felt like a weird dream," you utter. Both of you freeze for a short second at the synchronisation of your thoughts, turning to face each other for one fleeting moment. As if looking into each other's eyes opens certain doors that did not seem to be there before, both of you turn away to hide your heated faces- questioning whether the other one knows something. You busy your hands to move your hair behind your ears. Loki pulls at his cuffs before trying to scratch an itch in the back of his head. You move the blanket over you closer to your chest before wanting to bury your face in it. Loki tries to play with the plushy's head, trying his best to check if he could see you from the corner of his eyes. "Do you wear white?" You blurt out without a warning and it is only later that your eyes are popping out as words register in your mind. "What?" Loki is confused. He blinks and tilts his head a bit. "Uhh, no. I...don't." He does not know why he is answering that question. "Do you have a naval piercing?" He asks, genuinely curious; more like cautious. "God no," you gasp, feeling your hand go over your naval to check. You blow out some of that hot air burning inside you. Loki inhales, trying to look at anything but you. "Have you ever tried braiding your hair?" Even though it is an interesting question, it is a bit strange coming from Loki. "Like, like those side braids?" You ask softly, showing him a rough example on your hair. Loki nods. "No-" you shake your head- "but it'll look good on you." Loki nods. "You too. It will look great on you as well." "And a bun at back will look good on you as well." A minute or two passes as you two sit there awkwardly, trying to find something to talk about. You look at your wrist to watch the time before realising you are not wearing a watch. Loki is scratching an itch on his palm as he tries to come up with a strategy. "Oh!" you jolt up in your seat at a sudden realisation. "the kids!" "Hmm?" "We should find Lulu and Javier." "Oh! Yes!" Loki nods and gathers the blankets and the headphones, keeping them at one side before getting up with you. "We should find them and get back home." "I hope they are okay." "They better be okay or I will kill those colourful bastards for neglecting the kids in their care." And off you two go into the alien rave, thinking the new door has been shut for good, never anticipating the events that are about to come that would change the whole dynamic of many relationships.

#loki #loki x reader #loki x y/n #loki fanfic #loki series #mcu loki #loki fluff #loki feels #loki smut #loki fanfiction #fanfiction #marvel #marvel fanfiction #marvel fluff #marvel smut #It's The Avengers #fluff #smut #loki smile

[uwua3]

Hi Bunnie! Can I please have a drabble where Taichi, Tenma, and Juza (basically the Ō High trio) are caught up in a big argument with their soft!s/o and how they make up afterwards? So basically angst with hints of fluff at the end. Thank you so much!

ah... angst is my favorite trope to write! thank you so much for this request~ i just know i’m gonna have so much #Fun ✨! i hope you enjoy it, have a great rest of your day and i love you!!! (･ω<)☆

summary: love is a choice, not a feeling

warnings: angst, arguments, anxiety, blood, break–up(?), bruises, falling out of love, fighting, lying, mental illness, panic attack, physical violence

author’s note: each of three (3) stories follow lyrics to who by lauv ft. bts !! ♡ making this a song fic :D none of taichi, tenma, or juza’s storys align with one another in the same universe, fyi! please be conscious of tw warnings listed above and know you are loved no matter what *ଯ( ॢᵕ꒶̮ᵕ)ॢഒ*♡ + dialogue from tenma’s part follows iu & oh hyuk’s conversation in the song, “can’t love you anymore” for anyone curious :)

word count: 1,438 (taichi), 1,114 (tenma), 1,235 (juza)

music: i don’t know – seventeen (taichi), can’t love you anymore – iu ft. oh hyuk (tenma), if you do – got7 (juza)

who.

🍁🛹 nanao taichi

OUTLINES OF YOUR EYES AND VISIONS OF YOU

I THINK I NEED A MINUTE

TO FIGURE OUT WHAT IS, WHAT ISN’T

Inferiority, that was what Taichi fell victim to. It didn’t matter where he was or what he did, Taichi would never change to be good enough. Not for the stage, not for Mankai, and... not for you. How could you love Taichi when he couldn’t even love himself?

You had no reason to love him, not after all he’s done, not when he couldn’t be more. Even when Taichi was lacking, you still chose him time and time again. But, why? You had to have some ulterior motive, some plan, some elaborate scheme, to use him—to break him like he deserved.

With time came paranoia, and with that came distrust. No matter how much his heart beat for you, Taichi’s overwhelming fears paralyzed him to the point of no return. What was real? What wasn’t? Did you love him for who he was, or who you thought he was?

Who was Nanao Taichi? Who were you?

THESE CHOICES AND VOICES,

THEY’RE ALL IN MY HEAD

After all, was it really okay for Taichi to do this? To accept this love even when he didn’t believe he deserved it? Was it okay for Taichi to wholeheartedly say “I love you” first even if he was aware you could have anyone else? Being in love with you was both a blessing and a curse, because while it was the happiest he had ever been, Taichi was afraid it was all a lie.

Taichi didn’t know if he’d be able to recover if you ended up leaving. Pathetic, right? He woke up every morning searching for comfort and peace in your presence, and fell asleep every night to dream of your existence. You were his source of love in all aspects of any reality, no matter where he found himself. What would happen if you disappeared one day and never came back? What would Taichi do?

Could a person like him be in love like this? Taichi couldn’t help but begin to doubt your intentions even if his heart knew you would never be a bad person like that. Taichi’s insecurities had taken over his mindset for the worse, and its effects on your relationship was becoming more and more parasitic by the day. Both of you could see it even if it took a while for anyone to acknowledge it.

When the argument happened, it was a long awaited conversation meant to be had.

SOMETIMES YOU MAKE ME FEEL CRAZY

SOMETIMES I SWEAR I THINK YOU HATE ME LIKE

You found Taichi at his breaking point. Where the thoughts became too loud, where he couldn’t hear you over his own anxiety. Even if Taichi was your boyfriend, it almost felt like he was a stranger with how little you saw him. Every excuse in the book was used just so he wouldn’t see you, and you wanted to know why once and for all what was wrong.

You soon found out everything that made up Taichi was wrong. You nearly didn’t recognize him, tired and unable to fake a smile as well as before. His room reflected his chaotic state of mind, messy and unorganized with no coherence whatsoever. Taichi sat at his desk, mindlessly fidgeting with a yo–yo with his eyes blankly staring ahead. Minature origami surrounded every surface to his name, and you realized how severe Taichi’s mental health had become.

A pang of pain struck your heart when you called his name, only for Taichi to not respond. It took a moment before Taichi shot up, stumbling out of his chair to greet you with an exhausted grin. Taichi held up his arms, about to give you a hug like always. “O–Oh! I didn’t see you there! I thought we had our date tomorrow—”

“Taichi, are you okay?”

Taichi’s smile wavered then fell, his fist clenching around his plastic yo–yo so hard to the point you questioned how it didn’t crack. His knuckles were white and his eyes anxiously watched for every little change in your facial expression, as if waiting for some sign of anger.

“Of course I am, why wouldn’t I be?” Taichi lied through his teeth, moving forward to put his hand on yours. You moved back, and that seemed to put him on the edge, making Taichi almost feel betrayed by your hesitation.

“We... we haven’t seen each other in so long... You always cancel on me, saying you have practice. What is this, then? Have you even been going to rehearsal?” You snapped, all your frustrations of being ghosted boiling over. As you began pacing the room, you narrowly missed the clothes strewn on the floor and knick knacks Taichi must’ve fidgeted with.

“N–No, but...” Taichi gulped, pulling at his dirty shirt collar, willing himself to breathe. Did it suddenly get so difficult to find air? Any other time, Taichi would’ve made a joke about how you made him breathless, but his heart was pounding too fast and everything was dizzying. Before Taichi could ask you to stand still and give his head a break, you kept going, not able to keep it together anymore.

“Why have you been ignoring me? It’s okay if you need space, but, let me know! One day, you just disappeared and never came back.” “But, I’m right here.” “No, you’re not. Not, as the Taichi I know.”

Silence hung over you two uncomfortably, the atmosphere tense. The moment you turned to leave, Taichi broke.

I NEED A WALK, I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE

‘CAUSE I NEED TO KNOW

“Who said you knew me?”

You paused, holding onto the door knob before slowly turning, meeting Taichi’s eyes. “Do you actually love me? Or, am I some charity case to you?” Taichi laughed, but it was humorless like everything was to him recently. You were quick to respond, but Taichi was faster, letting everything tormenting his mind out into the real world.

“The moment I’m not who you dreamt of, I’m in the wrong. It’s my fault, I know! Goddamn it, I know!” Taichi’s voice cracked as he fell back into his desk chair, trying to maintain his breathing to be even despite the tears. “I love you, so much. But, do you feel the same? How do I know you’re not lying? Why would anyone choose to love me? I don’t... I don’t deserve you, even if I love you.”

When you rushed in front of him, recognizing the signs of a panic attack, Taichi fell forward to grip your shirt, his fists shaking and head bowed low. Taking in a shuddering sob, Taichi tried to focus on the sound of your voice to be okay.

“I... I never wanted you to see me like this. I’m so sorry, I’m sorry.” Taichi cried after suppressing his emotions after so long of feeling numb. You rested your hands on his shoulder, trying your best to encourage him to breathe.

“Taichi, it’s okay. Can you hear me?” You asked, to which Taichi feebly nodded with his eyes squeezed shut. “Okay, can you please breathe after me?” You exaggerated your deep breaths in and out, eventually helping Taichi to mimic your pattern and stabilizing his anxiety for the moment.

Taichi thought when worst came to worst, you would already be gone. You didn’t run away even when Taichi’s anxiety got the best of him, you stayed. Taichi clung onto you a little bit tighter at that thought, even if he didn’t need to.

Maybe, you did love him.

After a while, you pulled back and Taichi’s arms automatically looked for you. Taichi hid his face in your shirt again, exhaling quietly at your warmth. You ruffled his hair affectionately, petting it softly to remind him you were there. Taichi was still somewhat shaking, drained from the panic attack and how strong it was.

“Taichi, I’m going to take a walk, okay?” When Taichi raised his head, eyes wide at the fear of you using this as a reason to leave, you placed a gentle kiss on his forehead.

“I’ll come back, I promise. When I do, let’s talk about everything. No more secrets, okay?” You reasoned, making Taichi eventually nod. You two linked pinkies, making it a promise that this was a new start for both of you.

Right before you closed the door, Taichi called out to you, weakly smiling. “I love you.” You didn’t hesitate to respond, knowing your love for Nanao Taichi to be true. “I love you, too.”

Taichi believed you this time.

🌻☀️ sumeragi tenma

WHO ARE YOU?

‘CAUSE YOU’RE NOT THE PERSON I FELL IN LOVE WITH, BABY

“Hello?”

Tenma could tell it was you on the other end of the line, with your heartbreaking silence ruining the city for him. Leaning his head on the glass of the taxi window, Tenma watched the dazzling and glamorous skyscrapers pass by slowly in the late night traffic. While the driver tapped his fingers against the steering wheel, the star power of Japan’s biggest idols were advertised in every billboard high in the sky. Tenma waited for your answer to his sighed greeting, catching his own face smirking back at him from a commercial playing near by.

“Where are you?” You finally asked, your voice just the same as Tenma’s: exhausted. What had you done all day that made you this tired? Even Tenma didn’t know... weren’t boyfriends supposed to know? Tenma looked around, lost in the middle of Tokyo, a city that he could never keep up with despite being born in the center of it all.

“In a taxi.”

“Are you almost home?” Your voice cracked towards the end, and Tenma quickly sat up once he realized something was wrong. Before he could ask what happened, Tenma suddenly leaned his head back onto the seat, closing his eyes. He couldn’t bear to accept what he had done—or, not done—this late into the evening.

“Oh god, I’m sorry.”

WHO ARE YOU?

‘CAUSE SOMETHING HAS CHANGED

“For what?” You both knew the answer, however. Tenma couldn’t bring himself to say it out loud. The date displayed upon the dashboard of the cab seemed to remind Tenma of everything he had done wrong. It was your one–year anniversary, and Tenma had forgotten until now.

“Just, for everything.” Tenma forced out, his visage suddenly no longer the splitting image of teen fame anymore. He looked much more normal, no longer sporting a wealthy air to him but rather a troubled kid with the public eye watching his every move. Luckily, no paparazzi stood outside his vehicle’s tinted windows, flashing their cameras to publish any negative headlines. Instead, it was just Tenma, his taxi driver, and you waiting for him at home.

“Please come home, Ten.” You whispered, sounding like you were begging for this one small thing from him out of his busy schedule. Tenma ran his hand through his hair, trying not to lash out and hit the closest thing around him. He didn’t need a scandal to his name, especially since that meant ruining your reputation and Tenma had already made you hurt enough. Acting like the perfect romantic boyfriend was so, so easy on screen... how come he couldn’t do it in real life?

“Why should I?” Tenma angrily retorted, and that’s when he knew he made the biggest mistake of his life. You couldn’t hide it this time, and a pained cry was muffled behind your phone as you tried to not care as much. Tenma didn’t know why he snapped at you when all he felt was frustration and shame at himself.

“Am I not a good enough reason to stay?”

“Of course you are—”

“Then, why won’t you come home?”

“...”

“Do you love me?”

I do, but I don’t deserve you. “I left my wallet back at the studio. I might not make it back tonight.”

YOU’RE NOT THE SAME

I HATE IT

“Goodnight, then.”

“Tenma, wait—by the way... Nevermind.”

“What is it?”

“I don’t think we’re in love anymore, Tenma.”

Tenma opened his eyes, staring at the ceiling of the taxi as it slowly moved forward. Why was it so blurry? Tenma thought, pulling his hand back only reveal a tear upon his finger. He was crying in public, how could a Sumeragi do this? But, Tenma couldn’t stop, he simply just dropped his cell phone into the seats and listened for the click of the call ending. It came after a few moments or so, and Tenma could feel a pair of eyes glancing at him from the review mirror.

Before Tenma could tell him he couldn’t do autographs at the moment, the driver silently passed him a tissue. Tenma took it gratefully, trying not to sob in front of a complete stranger. The driver seemed satisfied before he turned off the radio in the background, clearing his throat before speaking.

“What’s the matter, son? Do you want to talk?” He asked, but it didn’t sound ill–intentioned like an interviewer. It held a fatherly tone, one that automatically made Tenma want to trust him. Taking a minute to compose himself, Tenma slowly began retelling what had happened during his most recent call, his hands still shaking from the aftermath. As traffic stalled, the driver listened to Tenma’s relationship problems carefully before sighing, tapping his fingers against the wheel.

“Boy, how old are you?”

“Sixteen, sir.”

“You are too young to be this heartbroken.” The driver said, pausing to turn and gesture for the car to pass them. “Well, first thing’s first, do you love them?”

“With all my heart, sir.” Tenma responded without hesitation, knowing his love for you was truth.

“Then, why didn’t you say so back then?” The driver commented exasperatedly, his old wisdom and infinite experience with relationships making Tenma’s boyish actions seem like child’s play. Tenma sighed, putting his face in his hands as he admitted the inevitable that had been eating away at him for a while now.

I’M SICK OF WAITING FOR LOVE

I KNOW YOU’RE NOT THE ONE

“They deserve better. All I can give them is love, but, even I can’t do that right. What if I’m not the one for them even if I love them?”

“Listen, boy, and listen good. They love you for one reason only: because it’s you. They chose to love you, not anyone else. You may not be the future, but you’re the one right now. Isn’t that enough?”

Tenma truly took in the words, feeling a sense of comfort he didn’t know he needed after all this time. Without wasting a second, Tenma rapidly passed a large sum of bills with the most excessive tip ever, profusely thanking the driver. Before the taxi driver could refuse such money from a young teen, Tenma opened the car door and left, slamming it shut with random adrenaline.

The driver stuck his head out the window, yelling down the street, “Where the hell are you going, kid?!”. Tenma looked over his shoulder, already halfway down the sidewalk with his phone screen open to your contact. He smiled, not his classic Sumeragi grin, but a true, genuine smile filled with hope to make things right.

“To go celebrate my one year anniversary!”

🍁🍰 hyodo juza

FEELIN’ HYPTONIZED BY THE WORDS THAT YOU SAID

DON’T LIE TO ME, JUST GET IN MY HEAD

Juza hated everything to do with fighting. You could never count on Juza to throw the first punch, to start something with someone, to look for trouble anytime. Yet, you couldn’t help but despise his violence, even if it was provoked.

Juza had too many scars on his fists to forget his reputation around O High, but he didn’t mean to hurt anybody. Especially, not you. But, how could Juza say that when he came to see you after every back end alley way fight? It hurt you to see your boyfriend like this, used as some entertainment for no good thugs. Juza fell to the bait every single time, no matter what you said to convince him otherwise.

Juza promised he’d never hurt you, but how could he keep getting into physical fights like this?

WHEN THE MORNING COMES, YOU’RE STILL IN MY BED

BUT IT’S SO, SO COLD

You couldn’t sleep last night, not when Juza showed up at your door, bruised and dazed. You knew how strong of a fighter Juza was, so his opponent must’ve been formidable if he could barely find his way to your house. It was too late for a school night, but here he was, finally deciding to ask you for help.

“Sorry, I wouldn’t have come, but...” Juza raised his hand, the bandage messily done and already falling off. Juza was always amatuer at first aid for some reason, and you could see the rough cuts underneath the blood–stained cloth. You couldn’t leave him alone at god knows what hour, so you invited him inside.

Juza made sure to never let it become a habit to rely on you, so you helped out whenever you could, even if it pained you to see him so hurt like this. Underneath the yellow bathroom light barely illuminating the cramped space, you rummaged in your cabinets for the first aid kit as Juza sat on the closed toilet, fidgeting with his school uniform jacket.

When your eyes lingered on the torn hem of his blazer for a moment too long, he ducked his head to focus on your bathtub curtain. “Better not to ask.” Juza simply stated, and you believed him. You held in a sigh and took out the minature white box to start working.

Juza didn’t flinch whenever you disinfected his wounds, and you wondered how much pain he really felt. When you asked him to stay (more for your sake than his), Juza agreed and thanked you softly. Seeing such a sweet boy bandaged in your bathroom nearly made you cry, so you just nodded and kissed the band aid by his lips.

Juza waited until you were fully asleep until he closed his eyes. “I’m sorry.” Juza whispered out loud.

You woke up to Juza still sleeping, his breath quiet and arm wrapped around you gently. You were about to smile, but you couldn’t bring yourself to after seeing his bruises had gotten even worse.

How could you keep doing this when it took everything in you not to cry from Juza getting hurt?

WHO ARE YOU?

‘CAUSE YOU’RE NOT THE PERSON I FELL IN LOVE WITH, BABY

Juza didn’t come to you after that. Perhaps Juza knew how affected you were by his late night challenges, or he couldn’t wake up to your disappointment anymore, but he was gone. During the day, you attended classes with O High’s delinquent as usual. However, after school hours weren’t yours anymore. It must’ve been hierarchy season, where arrogant boys thought they had a shot against the Hyodo Juza.

Even if Juza didn’t come by anymore, you still couldn’t sleep. How could you when all you thought about was if Juza was okay? Did he make it back to the Mankai dorms that night? Who’s making sure he’s okay? Is he even okay? Every time you closed your eyes for a split second, you’d see Juza’s gentle smile with a band aid on the corner of his lips. Day became night and it was all the same, since you were awake to experience it all.

You kicked off your blankets, throwing your pillow off your face as it landed with a thud on the other side of your pitch black room. Turning on your phone screen, your tired gaze read the time of 1 A.M. Juza was surely still awake, it wouldn’t hurt to just call him... right? You unlocked it as your finger hovered over Juza’s contact, hesitating.

What would you even say? That you missed him? Did Juza even miss you? You called Juza anyways, anxiously listening to the rings go through before hitting voicemail. Juza always answered your calls before... what happened?

“Meet me soon. We need to talk, you know where to find me.”

WHO ARE YOU?

‘CAUSE SOMETHING HAS CHANGED, YOU’RE NOT THE SAME, I HATE IT

You were right to bring your first aid kit.

Behind the fence was a sunset casting a boy’s shadow across the pavement. Juza hopped the gate easily, landing beside you and avoiding your judgement in the process. You knew exactly why—all because of that unmistakable mark on his face. He couldn’t even hide it.

“Heard your voicemail. Is everything okay?” Juza roughly cleared his throat, settling to lean next to you. You shook your head, unable to find the words in the moment. You just held your hand out and Juza’s put his on top of it automatically, fingers tensing before holding yours. When Juza squeezed your hand once, you wished he could be with you forever, away from all that violence and high school fights.

“You didn’t answer my call. Why?” You questioned, straight to the point. Juza never lied to you, so he looked away and frowned, trying to phrase it in a way so you wouldn’t worry. “Better if—” “If I don’t know, right?” You interrupted with a sharp tone. Juza winced, knowing your anger was justified.

“Juza... I’m so tired.” You started, knowing it was both physically and mentally. “I love you, but I don’t know if I can do this anymore.”

Juza’s eyes widened, standing up straight and putting both your hands in his. You shuddered and tried to keep your breath steady, looking towards the ground. You never noticed how scuffed his shoes were, you wondered what they’ve seen.

“What? I thought we were happy, I love you—”

“Do you really? Then, why do you keep fighting?”

Juza didn’t have an answer. Even he didn’t know himself.

I’M SICK OF WAITING FOR LOVE

I KNOW YOU’RE NOT THE ONE

“I can’t be with you if I don’t even know if you’re okay.”

“I always win—”

“That doesn’t matter! I just want you to be safe, why do you entertain them? What would your family think?!”

“Don’t. Don’t... bring them up.”

“Juza... this isn’t right for you. Please, give it up.”

“I can’t lose—”

“So, you’re choosing to lose me, instead?”

You didn’t wait around this time. “Call me when you change your life for the better.” You left, leaving behind a boy with a broken heart this time.

Juza stared at his hands, their surfaces uneven and calloused from all his years of violence. Something had to change, Juza couldn’t lose you.

When you received a call from Hyodo Juza, you accepted it.



#nanao taichi #taichi nanao #sumeragi tenma #tenma sumeragi #hyodo juza #juza hyodo #a3! act! addict! actors! #a3! #act! addict! actors! #a3! actor training game #a3! one shots #act! addict! actors! one shots #mankai a3! #mankai company #a3! x reader #a3 x reader #taichi x reader #tenma x reader #juza x reader #a3! taichi #a3 taichi #a3! tenma #a3 tenma #a3! juza #a3 juza

[maggot-monger]

fic writer interview

i was tagged by @theoceanismyinkwell — thanks so much!! 

How many works do you have on AO3?

40 (although a few are drabbles...still)

What’s your total AO3 word count?

143 802 :D

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

5 on ao3, but really four because i listed the marvel ones in general MCU and the specific fandom. they are supernatural, what we do in the shadows, downton abbey, and thor. HOWEVER i have written for several and either didn’t publish those fics anywhere or posted them to sites before ao3 started and lost track of them lol. i think probably 8-10 total?

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Judges of Character (downton abbey, G) — explorations of george and sybbie’s reactions to thomas’s suicide attempt in s6 (HUGE thanks to @oleander4 for the inspiration for this one!!!)

Thomas Barrow and the Power of Friendship (downton abbey, T) — a series of character/relationship studies revolving around thomas

“Mr Barrow Has The Flu” (downton abbey, G) — daisy’s reaction to thomas’s "illness” in s6

Seize the Crown (what we do in the shadows, E) — uhhhh...indulgent hair pulling kink lol

Second Visitor (downton abbey, G) — daisy visits thomas after the thirsk fiar debacle

dang the downton abbey fandom really treated me well with kudos!! <3

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

yes!!! in part i respond because i love comments and i feel like responding to them encourages people to comment more, but mostly i respond because it gives me a chance to talk about the fic! when people pull out stuff i did on purpose to comment on, it’s really exciting to get to give the commenter a little more information about why i did that. and when they pull out something i didn’t even realize i was doing, i want to react to what they said and appreciate having something about my own writing called to my attention. i have probably failed to respond to a comment or two but i really do try and want to respond to all of them :D

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

uhhh probably Passive (thor, G) since it’s an infinity war thor-grieves-loki fic?  

Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

i don’t...crossovers don’t particularly appeal to me usually. i don’t often think of ideas for them.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

aaahahaa ok no i have not (fingers crossed for it staying that way!!!) but i DID get a comment on a supernatural fic that was essentially someone going on a strange, aggressive rant about theological justifications for misogyny that were loosely related to the fic in question? that is also the only comment i’ve ever removed from a fic...

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

yee. idk if any particular kind? i don’t really enjoy writing smut tbh but i do sometimes just because i have some idea that i want to express that necessitates some sexy shenanigans. typically when i write smut it’s uhhh odd in one way or another? a bit creepy and/or unsettling? because that’s the vibe i enjoy writing. the weirdness makes it more entertaining for me to write than the sex does :p as a result it’s probably not very hot but you know, whatever lmao

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i’m aware of!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes!! Human Indulgence (supernatural, T, starring lucifer and lilith in one take on lilith’s corruption) was translated into spanish by Gordafabi. the translation is here!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

nah...not saying i wouldn’t, but i like to write alone with my thoughts mostly.

What’s your all time favorite ship?

samifer ✌️sorry about my amazing taste skskskskss

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

gawddd yeah...the thing informally known as the adversary-lawboy tapes is #1 on this list. i have a bunch of snippets of sam n lucifer chit chatting and generally having a weird time in sam’s head throughout s5 and especially in the interval between the “yes” and stull cemetery, but there’s no way i’ll ever actually turn it into anything solid. i’d also love to finish the fic in which gabriel acts like a sickly god and does a bunch of very sketchy things but again, there’s no way i’ll ever do it. RIP. 

fortunately neither of those is public so it doesn’t matter to anyone but me that they’ll stay WIPs forever :p

What are your writing strengths?

characterization, atmosphere/pacing, and pretty little prose stuff. i care a lot about these things and get comments on them so, hurray! (also i think i’m good at a tie-in gut-punch ending on occasion...heh)

What are your writing weaknesses?

i keep not actually writing anything!!! lmao but ok other than that i sometimes try to convey something too complicated without enough explanation. i also often write these really obnoxious sentences that you have to read the end of to understand the beginning...my thoughts are not at all linear lol. i do TRY to fix these things whilst editing but...i’m sure they still happen :/ 

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

i usually don’t because i assume most readers won’t understand it and i don’t want to make people skip around the page for the translation. i’ll do it if it’s short and is more of an easter egg than a crucial line, or if it’s a quote from something else.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

harry potter

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

you know...maybe “Mr Barrow Has The Flu” (linked above). i feel like i really landed all the emotional beats in that, and did daisy right. i’m also very pleased with Drawn and Quartered (spn, T). there’s another spn fic i wrote during my first pass through the fandom that i think about often but i won’t say what it is because i think about lines in isolation but am not that satisfied with the fic as a whole hahhaha

tagging (extremely optionally!!!) @fandom-space-princess @ophanir @lovetheirloves @venhedish @hotgirlsummersam @bluecookiesforrick @whisperoftheheart925 and anyone else who wants to do this!

#tag games #long post #actually scratch that we're putting this under a cut mostly :p

[tsskyx]

Determination, Frisk, suicide, etc.

https://whatwillyoudodifferently.tumblr.com/post/150477111451/why-would-you-ever-climb-a-mountain-like-that

This post will deal with topics similar to the ones stated in this linked post. It’s not a response to it, I was just inspired by it to talk about my head canons. As per usual, this will be a very specific writing that will probably not apply to you, you will most likely disagree with it. I personally am simply feeling the need to write these things down again.

So, to start, it is true that Determination in Undertale could be interpreted as some sort of allegory to suicide. After all, it deals with hope and willpower, and those things are something that depression / suicidal ideations directly relate to.

However, I’m not sure I feel it fits perfectly, at least to me, it’s different enough to wonder if I can construct a better head canon for myself. Depression is poetic, but as a content creator, I wish to explore other avenues of thought too.

For one, we know that Chara was suicidal; if not outright when climbing the mountain, then at least later with the entire buttercup plan. To me personally, it seems strange to overuse the same trope again for Frisk, so when I first saw Asriel’s line about climbing the mountain, where he implied exactly this, I was doubtful that he just happened to guess it right in Frisk’s case.

The concept of Determination is also finicky. Frisk is almost constantly feeling determined, save for New Home, where the narrator no longer says that they are, and the number of save points per area rises sharply. If Frisk was coming from the same or similar place as Chara, then at least we could use this to pin down the nature of their Soul Trait. If traits are variable (which I’m slowly starting to think they are), then perhaps that implies the red trait is something along the lines of “not being alright”, “being more troubled with your own issues than projecting your interests and energy outwards”, something that depression could be a subset of. Hell even the soul color kinda matches, the heart is in essence “bleeding”.

However, if Frisk is not in the same mind state as Chara, then what can we actually deduce about them? Well, to begin with, I think the other possibilities that Asriel listed could just as well be true, fate or foolishness. Personally, I think it’s both, I think Frisk was somehow being foolish, but themselves thought (at this point in the game) that it was fate. (I mean, we did get all that dialogue about Suzy and synchronicity or whatever.)

So, what about Determination itself then, what role does it play, and does it relate to Frisk and Chara’s Soul Trait at all? For one, I also wanted to mention that I always found it weird that being determined and being depressed could somehow coincide/coexist. Isn’t Frisk’s determination less indicative of depression, and rather more indicative of the fact that they are able to effectively push through their depression, if they do have it? Plus, the RESET power is supposed to be universal, so isn’t the feeling of being determined less indicative of anything specific about Frisk and more about the fact that they are the player right now? But then indeed, why does the narrator feel the need to remind them all the time, what do they know about determination and SAVING?

There is a theory out there that Chara themselves could save, load and reset. (It’s called the Chara reset hell theory if you’re interested. Too lazy to grab the link rn.) If true, it could explain why Chara is telling Frisk these things, and would make more sense than if they somehow correctly guessed that Frisk is feeling down or that Frisk told Chara that they are feeling down so early on.

So, do I think that Frisk is depressed? It’s certainly one way to interpret the canon, but it doesn’t affect anything else about the game, and as a theory, there’s not much specific evidence for it either, most of it could very well be indicative of other things, as I’ve shown.

What about Frisk then, and also the red trait? Due to how little we know about them, every single theory that people make up for them feels very cliche to me, and literally everything in UT could be interpreted as an allegory for Frisk’s backstory, including that damn quiche under the bench in Waterfall. What’s worse, some of the best theories (in the sense that they are the most self-explanatory) regarding their origin are usually posited by those who believe that Frisk is the player, that they are not human but a piece of code, which, as a head canon, is not my thing, and as a theory, is making me barf. I just don’t like it... no, I hate it, it’s very dehumanizing and I wish to make up something for them that makes sense, but without using “the meta” to do so.

However, there is a lot open space in regards to the red trait. Even if I don’t believe that Frisk is depressed, ergo they are feeling very determined (since as I said, the logic of it doesn’t seem completely sound to me), it could still be the case that the red trait is indicative of a depression, or perhaps, some other mind state that they happen to share with Chara.

(Not to mention that Flowey came back numerous times despite being suicidal, that Chara was suicidal yet hopeful and determined, which, if the reset theory is true, actually made their soul persist instead of initiating a reset, and that the 6 fallen humans all met the same fate instead of any of them beating Asgore and taking his soul. In other words, we know so little about how Determination actually relates to willpower that it’s almost useless to theorize about it. I for example think that all humans have a base level of determination which grants them certain basic powers, but that proaction, whatever the goal might be, might help them accomplish other things too, be it something positive, or in Chara’s case, something negative.)

We know the red trait could also be “being yourself”, so again, if soul traits are descriptive of something else, rather than being prescriptive and immutable themselves, then perhaps the red trait is indeed indicative of... whatever Frisk and Chara might have in common. On the other hand, if the trait is immutable, then perhaps it denotes an inclination/predisposition towards certain kinds of behavior, which however would go to erase Chara’s ill experiences on the surface, so I’m not sure about that, unless I find an alternative way of interpreting this take without effectively blaming Chara’s hardships on their own Soul.

Perhaps I will revisit this post sometime in the future, should I think of something else.

#undertale

[whumpsterfire]

The Guardian Angel’s Doll - Prologue

cw: car accidents, hospitals

4169 words

It started with a car crash.

Well, not exactly. If Efrem thought a little more about it, things had already been set in motion. Of course, Efrem would make some bad choices afterwards this whole incident under the ill advice of their friend.  

But it was the car crash that really sealed their fate.

Efrem… absolutely hated being late. Kieron just had to come over last night, staying up late with Efrem with a new game he had wanted to show them. And it’s not like Efrem minded – they didn’t, they liked it when Kieron came over, liked watching him play and listening to his voice as he talked and hearing the way he laughed – but Kieron knew how much Efrem hated when he came over unannounced. At least send a guy a message, you know? Efrem had a schedule, a whole routine. Kieron just happened to fuck it up every time he appeared out of nowhere behind their door to visit them.

It was frustrating. Well, they got over the irritation after Kieron had hung around for a while. But still. He should learn some manners and try asking them when they’re free. Or send a warning, at the very least. That absolutely wasn’t too much to ask.  

In any case.

Kieron stayed over for the night and Efrem stayed up way too late. The man also happened to have that effect on them. Which in return made Efrem miss their alarm in the morning, made them rush out of the appointment ahead of Kieron – he wanted to sleep a little longer and Efrem didn’t have the time nor the patience to argue – and well.

Rushing to the streets, just woken up? Turns out that isn’t such a good idea.

Efrem had never thought that you would really see things in slow motion when you were in a dangerous situation. And well, they kind of didn’t. The colours of the world deepened for a while and Efrem was acutely aware of the loud screech of someone hitting the breaks of a car.  

Really, they hadn’t even seen it coming.

How did it feel to be hit by a car? That wasn’t an easy question to answer. Sure, Efrem wrote a lot but they mostly did laid-back slice of life comics about their own life. They tended to be very dialogue-heavy. No need to use copious amounts of purple prose to describe the colour of the sky when the sun rose, that feeling when you looked at your best friend smile when he told you about this new set of dice he had pre-ordered, or what kind of physical sensations were going on with who’s body at whatever moment.

So, the first word that came to Efrem’s mind was pain. The sound came first – a thud and a disgusting, wet sound of something in their body going crunch. Efrem was just going to assume that this is where they went flying, because the next thing they remembered was blinking sluggishly back to consciousness on the pavement and thinking:

Oh, that fucking hurts.

Their whole body hurt. A sharp, searing pain on their chest and arm. And fuck, their head throbbed with a dull pain. The crushing pain lingering on them had to be the most intense Efrem had ever felt. They laid on the ground, brain scrambled and limbs not moving no matter how much they tried and then...

Well, then they woke up in the hospital.

Efrem wasn’t one to exactly like hospital visits. They were an unnecessary evil, they supposed. They hadn’t stayed in hospitals for too much but they did have a few surgeries under their belt, some more recent than others. They were glad for the painkillers, that was sure. But let’s see, what had they told Efrem again?

They had been suffering from a concussion. Their left collarbone was broken, along with a cracked humerus and rib. Apparently Efrem had been lucky that the rib didn’t puncture their lungs or harm any of their organs.

Efrem didn’t feel especially lucky. What kind of ‘luck’ is it to get hit by a fucking car? Now they had to stay in the hospital. They would need to take time off from school. They would need to take a break from drawing their comic. They would need to make a new routine around the current state of their body and they hated that.

At least Kieron visited them. As much as Efrem hated to see the guy fuss over them, they appreciated the awkward hug, careful of their many injuries, and the company.

Efrem really, really appreciated Kieron’s company.

He obviously seemed to think that he was responsible for Efrem’s accident. No, Efrem didn’t think he was – they could have just slept earlier or put on more alarms so they wouldn’t miss theirs – but Efrem also... kind of didn’t think he wasn’t responsible. Not that they would ever say that to Kieron, not directly.  

In fact, they were hell-bent on proving the guy otherwise.

“Listen. I was careless. I got hit by a car because I didn’t make sure there wasn’t any coming and because I was in a hurry. I do that so often too – don't look at me like that, I know I shouldn’t - but nothing’s ever happened. I just... I got lucky those other times.”

Kieron looked at Efrem in that miserable way only he could – brows upturned and chewing on his lip like he tended to when he was worried.  

“But if I’d just gotten up and gone with you--”

Efrem rolled their eyes.

“Don’t blame yourself because I’m a dumbass”, Efrem said. Gods, Kieron really needed to get over himself about this. “This was bound to happen some time. It was only a matter of time, really.”

The other man didn’t look too convinced so Efrem let out an irritated sigh.

“I did this to myself and no, I’m not listening to you whine more about this. That’s that on that.”

That was that on that.

“You have to start being more careful, Em.”

“Yeah, I kinda got the message on that from the universe. Could’ve been more subtle.”

That earned a careful chuckle from Kieron. Despite Efrem’s general bad mood over well, starting their day by getting hit by a car, they found a small smile forming on their lips. Kieron tended to have that effect on them.

“Really, though. Getting hit by a car isn’t... it isn’t a small thing. You could’ve--” Kieron cut himself off, as if afraid to finish that though. Efrem was happy he didn’t. In that small moment of quiet, they didn’t know how to act. They swallowed.  

“I don’t know. I’m just glad you’re okay. Or that you know, you’re not worse”, he finally finished.

“Yeah.” Efrem agreed. “Me too.”

There was a small silence, where Efrem let the gaze of their dark eyes fall onto their lap. As much as getting into an accident like this sucked, they couldn’t help but think that they had definitely earned this. It was them who hadn’t been careful enough and them who had practically ran under the car driving by. So yeah, this was a painful lesson with a price they wouldn’t have preferred to pay but probably deserved anyway.  

Then there was the thing Efrem hadn’t considered they would feel: guilt. A part of them felt guilty for being so careless, for getting hurt and for having Kieron visit them like this. Efrem may have earned their lesson, but Kieron definitely didn’t deserve the scare of having their friend being wounded like this. Efrem knew they needed to apologize but they couldn’t bring themself to. For ending up here and for... not entirely thinking it was all their fault, alone. They bit their tongue.

“How long do you have to stay in the hospital?”

“Oh?” Efrem was caught off guard by Kieron’s question. “Oh, just for like, tonight. They want to keep me overnight because of the concussion.”

“Right. I mean, that makes sense. I’m glad you don’t have to be here longer”, Kieron seemed visibly relieved. Maybe he was understanding that a few broken bones really wasn’t that serious. That despite the accident, Efrem really was okay.

“Same. I honestly could go home already but they’d never allow it.” They knew for a fact they wouldn’t - Efrem had asked.

“Yeah, maybe it’s better they’re observing you for tonight”, Kieron said and it’s not like Efrem disagreed. They just preferred their own bed over this hospital one. They winced when their collarbone protested with their shrug.

“Hey... I know that you don’t care about shit like this, but I kind of have an idea. I mean, you’re gonna think it’s stupid and all, but...” Kieron started and Efrem hated when they started talking like this. No, Efrem didn’t think Kieron’s interests were stupid, even if they made fun of them sometimes. Yes, they wanted him to be able to talk to them about anything without having to feel so damn insecure.  

“What?” They urged Kieron to continue.

“There kind of this, ritual?”

Oh, it was that kind of stuff.

“Go on.”

“I was kind of thinking if you’d be interested in doing it? When you get home, I mean. I know it’s stupid, but I don’t know—this whole car accident thing got me kind of, well, scared? And if I knew that you did that it would put me at ease ‘cause well, at least I’d know that there was some small extra form of protection on you or something, like isn’t it better to do a ritual and go on with your life and not do one, even if you don’t believe in that stuff? And--”

“I mean, sure. I don’t mind?” Efrem said casually and before they could sound too much like they actually believed in whatever occult stuff Kieron had lately been into, they added: “If it puts you at ease, I mean.”

There was a beat of silence, where Kieron just blinked at Efrem. Efrem felt their face get warm. They looked away.

“What? I don’t have to if you don’t--”

“No, no! I’m just surprised, you know? Since you always say that this stuff isn’t really your thing or don’t seem too interested in it, so I didn’t think you’d actually agree to it”, Kieron admitted.

Efrem brushed some of their dreadlocks aside awkwardly.

“So, what is it like”, they asked, casually.

“Huh?”

“The ritual, Kieron”, Efrem said with a roll of their eyes.  

Kieron’s brown eyes lit up with excitement. They always did when he was talking about something he was interested in. Efrem loved to see it.

“It’s actually really simple.”

***

Efrem looked over at their room. They liked to keep things clean, so they didn’t need to make space for the ritual. It really did seem fairly simple. Kieron had sent Efrem a message with the details to this thing he called a ‘ritual for protection’. It was... something about connecting with the spirits that protected you to have them watch over you in everyday life, or whatever. Definitely not Efrem’s expertise or even something they believed in.

But well. They kind of wanted to do it for Kieron. Or well, to just put his mind at ease. And it would be easier to actually do the thing than to lie to him about it. Efrem didn’t like lying, anyway. They had agreed to do the thing so they would do it.

They had the room set up for the ritual. They had used chalk to draw a circle on the floor, just like the instructions said. It also said to use salt for ‘protection’, but Kieron knew Efrem’s vacuum cleaner was broken. Getting rid of the salt would be too much of a pain without one and Efrem didn’t know when they’d be able to buy a new one, so chalk would have to do for now.

And Kieron had said it was probably fine. If they ‘charged’ the chalk to protect them, it’d be cool. So that’s what Efrem did... they assumed. They didn’t really know how charging worked and how you would know if you succeeded in it or not. Still, they drew that circle and it didn’t look too bad, either.

There was an incense Kieron had given them to burn for the ritual. Sandalwood. Efrem quite liked the smell of it, too. They didn’t mind knowing that the smell would linger. Burning it like this, they noticed that Kieron kind of tended to smell like it.

Efrem thought it was nice.

They looked at the circle. So they had it drawn, they had the incense burning, they had the four candles burning – for each cardinal direction respectfully – and they had the herbs they were supposed to burn and the words they were supposed to say. Kieron had instructed to use white candles, but Efrem didn’t own four white candles. They supposed it wasn’t that important – two white candles, one red and one blue should do just as well.  

As long as they burned.

So they were ready. Efrem looked at the bundle of herbs Kieron had given them. They weren’t actually sure what it contained – it seemed to have several ones and Efrem had never been too good at recognizing plants. It wasn’t important for them to know what kind of plants there was in the bundle, though. Kieron was the one who knew about this shit and he was the one who gave them this.

Efrem pulled a lighter from their pocket with their hand that wasn’t out of commission and packaged up. They lit it up, bringing it to the herbs. They didn’t just start burning instantly, to their surprise. It took a little while of trying, but eventually, the fire took.

“And now I’m supposed to say...” Efrem couldn’t dig out their phone while they were holding the burning bundle of herbs. They didn’t want to put it down either – that didn’t sound exactly safe. They could remember this; they took pride in their good memory.

What was it again...?

“May the spirits keep me protected.”

Yeah, Efrem was pretty sure that was it.  

Silence followed. Having said the actual words, Efrem felt kind of... silly. They were facing the circle, standing a few feet from one of the candles – the one signifying South. They stood still, waiting the bundle of herbs to burn out as per Kieron’s instructions.

They waited. Standing became boring soon, so they sat down to wait.

And they waited.

The herbs stopped burning. That meant the ritual was done.  

So that... was it, then.  

Well, Efrem didn’t know much about rituals but they supposed that this wasn’t too bad. This pretty much aligned with Efrem’s idea of what occult-stuff was about, anyway. Drawing circles, burning incense and candles and herbs and saying things. Now when they had tried it out, they knew it wasn’t really their thing. But Kieron was free to be into it and maybe Efrem wouldn’t mind hearing more about this stuff on an occasion or two. The herbs would apparently go under Efrem’s pillow and everything else they needed to clean up. Maybe they should call Kieron up to help them with the chalk on the floor, that was going to be a bitch to wash away with Efrem’s broken arm--

Efrem blinked, looking at the circle.

There was a guy.

Standing in the middle of it.

And he was looking at Efrem.

They froze.

“Uhh.... hello?” Efrem could hear themself say.

That’s weird. The pain medication Efrem was on wasn’t supposed to be that strong.

The... guy, stood there, right in the middle of the chalk circle. His skin was brown and he had short and curly white hair. He was wearing some kind of a blue robe, and the thing seemed to flow with a wind Efrem couldn’t feel. His eyes were surrounded by thick, white eyelashes and his eyes seemed to... miss their irises entirely, with only small black dots in the middle of the white scleras.

He was smiling. With very, very sharp teeth.

Efrem found themself unable to move.

“Hello, Efrem”, the guy (? Creature?) answered. His voice was smooth and light, almost like silk.  

It was a beautiful voice, Efrem found themself thinking.

More silence. The thing kept looking at Efrem with his weird, unsettling eyes. This certainly wasn’t anything Efrem had expected. What did they do now? What was going on? It was too fast to jump to any conclusions, so for now they should get some information.

“You’re in my circle”, Efrem said, carefully. The thing’s feet shifted inside the circle. His eyes didn’t leave Efrem’s form.

“You invited me, Efrem”, he said, slowly. It almost sounded like he was... speaking with an accent. Like the words quite didn’t fit his mouth. It was... unnerving.

“I did?”

The thing looked at the circle around him, breaking eye-contact for the first time since his arrival. Efrem swallowed.  

“A ritual for protection, wasn’t it.” He smiled at Efrem again.

“Y....yeah. It was.”

“It is a very nice circle, Efrem.”

“Oh! Thank you... um. Do you have a name...?” Keiron hadn’t said anything about this. Anything like this wasn’t supposed to happen, was it! Not that Efrem really knew what exactly was going on, yet. Was Keiron pulling a prank on them? Was this one of his friend’s that he had put to mess with them? No, Keiron wouldn’t do that, especially since this was like, Efrem’s second day at home after staying at the hospital.  

“You may address me as ‘Zey’”, the thing responded after what seemed like a moment of pondering.

“Cool, cool”, Efrem nodded along. “So uh... I invited you. What exactly are you?”

“I am... your guardian spirit.”

He was a what? Not an answer Efrem had expected, nor was it one they knew how to react to. He seemed to be serious, though. What the fuck do you say to that?

“You mean like a, err, guardian angel?”

The creature’s face lit up, smile widening. A sense of terror sparked through Efrem – there were a lot of teeth. Too many teeth. It didn’t - it didn’t look natural. Efrem’s skin felt clampy with the cold sweat rising to it.

“Yes. Exactly like a guardian angel.”

Efrem didn’t know what to say. The room was starting to feel increasingly small – there was plenty of space around, but suddenly they felt claustrophobic. The thing – Zey – pinning them down with his eyes didn’t help much either.

Could he... could he really be a spirit...? There was no way, right?

Right?

“I’m so glad you invited me, Efrem. I’ve been watching you.”

Efrem blinked.

“You... have?”

The self-proclaimed spirit chuckled, looking at Efrem in a way that looked almost...

Adoring...?

“Well, I am your guardian spirit, aren’t I.” He said it like it was something obvious. “I haven’t been able to keep you safe properly until now, but...” Zey took a step. And another.

He stepped out of the circle, stopping to stand in front of the still-sitting Efrem. Efrem looked up at him and for the second time in the span of a few days, they found themself completely unable to move. He looked at Efrem and--

And--

His eyes were the only thing Efrem could look at. Like everything around them was left in the dark, Zey’s eyes the only light there.

Efrem was entranced.

“But now when you invited me to your world, I can finally touch you.” Zey reached down and Efrem didn’t even realize they were reaching for his hand before they made contact.

They took Zey’s hand. His palm was cold, colder than a human body would be.

“I must say, though, Efrem. This time it was me who managed to come through, but you could not be as lucky in the future.”

Efrem’s throat was dry. They could barely form thoughts – what was he saying? It was so difficult to focus on the words coming out of his mouth.

“Never, ever, forget the salt from your circles.”

That must have been when Efrem’s mind faded to black. The last thing they remembered was the sound of that voice, the feeling of that hand squeezing theirs and...

Those small, black pupils, fixed on them.

***

Efrem woke up in a room. It took them sitting up and a few blinks to realize that wait, this isn’t a room they recognize. They didn’t remember drinking, they didn’t remember... anything. What was this place? They were on a bed – it was a big, a double bed and a fairly comfortable one, too. They got up fast – too fast – and was hit by a wave of nausea and dizziness. Efrem had to squat down, waiting for it to pass.

They remembered... getting hit by a car. Shit, were they still alive? A quick pinch convinced them that yes, they must still be in the books of the living. What about any injuries...? They didn’t seem to have any.

Efrem guessed they had gotten lucky.

But they still needed to figure out where they were. They got up in the dimly lit room as soon as they started to feel more normal. There wasn’t much light, but there was enough for them to be able to see around them. They couldn’t see any sources for the light.

For now, the room.

Small investigation brought Efrem up to date about their surroundings. There was a bookshelf full of books. They opened it, browsing through a few books. All of them seemed to be written in a language they couldn’t read - in fact, the scripts engraved on their pages weren’t anything Efrem could recognize. There was a wooden desk and Efrem found ink, a few quills and what seemed like several pages of empty parchments from inside it. There was a piano. Efrem had never learnt to play one and they had no idea whether it was in tune or not. They were, however, able to tell that it sounded terrible. There was a wardrobe, packed full of... what seemed to be different types of robes. They weren’t from any culture Efrem could recognize.

Robes...? Efrem blinked.  

This... didn’t seem right. What was this place? Efrem saw a door – they could have sworn it hadn’t been there just a moment before. But there it was now and Efrem marched to it.  

The door knob didn’t turn. The door didn’t budge. Efrem felt cold.

“H...Hello?” They knocked on the door. “Hello! Is anyone out there!” Slowly, a sense of panic grew inside of them. What the fuck was going on? Where the fuck were they? They started banging on the door, voice growing louder as they got no response.

“Somebody! Help me! I’m trapped here! Some--!”

Efrem was cut off by the door opening in their face. It was closed as fast as it was opened, a figure stepping inside with ease.

Recognition sparked inside Efrem’s mind as the figure’s small, black pupils fell on to them.

“You have awoken”, he announced.

“Yeah, I noticed. W-Where am I?” The thing was standing way too close to them. Efrem took a step back. The creature – spirit, Zey – took a step closer.  

“This is your room, Efrem. I made it for you.”

That didn’t clear up anything. Actually, what was he even talking about?

“What do you mean? This isn’t my house. Where is.. Where I am? Where’s my phone?” Efrem needed to message Kieron. Zey looked at them, with a look that was almost pitiful.

“This is your new home. You won’t need your phone here, pet.”

What?

“The car accident was an unfortunate little thing. I wasn’t able to protect you.”

Efrem remembered – they did wake up in the hospital. They did get injured. They went home and they, they--

The ritual.

“So I brought you here, Efrem. So you can’t get hurt anymore.” Zey’s hand was on Efrem’s cheek and they jumped. He was tall. Why was Efrem unable to get away from them?

“So I can protect you better.”

Oh, okay. So the gist of it seemed to be...

“I took the liberty to fix up your injuries. It’s so fragile, that mortal body of yours”, Zey chuckled, like he was telling a joke. His hand was no longer on Efrem’s cheek.

“Please, make yourself comfortable in your new home. I can’t stay with you at this very moment, but I promise that I’ll play with you later, pet.”

Efrem stood still, staring at the spirit as he talked. They didn’t remember if he said anything else, absent-mindedly staring at his many sharp teeth as he talked.

He must have left at some point, because soon enough, Efrem was alone. The room was cold and empty. Never in their life had Efrem felt more confused and more alone. They more collapsed and less sat on the bed.

The gist of it seemed to be that Efrem was, thoroughly, fucked.

#the guardian angel's doll #tgad #whump #whump story #whumpee #whumper #whump community #fantasy #fantasy whump #non-human whumper #caretaker #original fiction

[sappho114]

what's your thoughts on cyberpunk 2077? I'll fully admit i didn't like the final product and felt like there was tons of missed opportunities, wasted characters and plot lines, and a bunch of stuff that were just not handled well. But i'm not here to just bash on the game, i want to hear your opinion on it

I know that it's popular to hate on for the reasons of "it was popular" and "it marketed by a transphobic social media team" (of which, the latter makes sense but it is NOT reflective of the product.) I tend to ignore people who are hyperbolic about that kinda stuff because a lot of them just ran out and bought Red Dead Redemption 2 or engage in media made by abusers and actual transphobes. The moral high ground politicking by those who hated CP2077 is actually hilariously ridiculous. Anyway, that's less about the game and more about how dumb some folks were being. More below about the game itself.

It is a janky game, it required at least two to three major patches for what's in game to be functional fully, and having to beat back their game to fit into the shitbox that is the PS4 and other consoles was not a task I envy. CDPR's higher leadership also are silly cunts and the crunch they faced up to release is not so good. Although in hindsight, with the Naughty Dog and Act-Blizz shit, at least the women weren't abused and they actually got paid and benefits for their overtime thanks to Polish labor law. God, America needs to unfuck itself so much.

That being said: I loved it. I felt it was a good representation of Pondsmith's Cyberpunk universe. I enjoyed almost all of the characters, loved the vibe, had fun just driving around Night City with the crowds, the ads, the radio. I've beaten it once and I have about 3 different save files half-way or more through completion.

I'm not one of those people who saw "wallrunning" in a trailer from 2018 and expected it to be in the game (and angry that it wasn't, even if they said it wasn't gonna be in it for literal years.) I think in the end its about as janky as Witcher 2 was, and considering it's a new IP that's not all that bad for eastern european developers. We've gotten a dozen or so jankier, shittier games from eastern europe since CP2077 released but because they didn't have a marketing budget, people don't really care. That's a whole thing we could spend a while on.

As someone who is chronically ill, poor, and wants more out of life I connected with V's story. I also hated Johnny at first because I know of that little shitbag from the TTRPG but over time he actually grew on me. I love the idea of the flashbacks to Arasaka tower being so different because it's how Johnny saw what he did, not necessarily the truthful representation. I dunno if that's like, canon, or whatnot, but it fits that blowhard so much that I choose to believe it fully. I hate that guy but he became a good friend.

I felt that all the performances were solid. T-Bug deserved more time on screen, though. Other than that I loved all the character side missions and felt they wrapped things nicely for almost all of them. At least until we get ourselves those expansion packs.

Oh, I lied. Judy Alvarez is perfect, and she needs 2000% more dialogue and stuff to do. I'd go visit my Night City Wife after every mission and she seldom had too much to say. More of that downtime conversation would've been awesome. I don't necessarily mean downtime activities - I actually hate Grand Theft Auto and Ubisoft time-wasting bullshit. It's why I liked CP2077's side content being tactical blast some baddies time for the most part. If I want to fucking play poker, I'd play fucking poker.

Any major issues I have with the game tend to stem from my issues with Cyberpunk 2020 and Cyberpunk RED as a whole. The narrative nihilism of the Cyberpunk universe is lame as hell. I'm a Shadowrun girl. There's always hope - even if the Horrors are making Lofwyr piss his dragaloons (that's dragon pantaloons) there's still space for a group of ne'er-do-wells to do some violence well. I also think that if you choose certain endings, you end up with a horribly optimistic turn on things! That left a good taste in my mouth. I wanna find this cure for neurological death that V's going through and I'm glad they explicitly said that it's a possibility.

tl;dr: not perfect but I love it and am waiting for more. Adored the story, characters, all that jazz.

#controversial #cyberpunk 2077 #long post #quarianrambles #i dont expect anyone to remotely agree with me #its almost a pathological resposne to hate this game even if you've never played it #as someone familiar with CP2020 it was a great adaptation of that material #I also hold no moral high ground over anyone who didn't like this game #a lot of it just felt Made For Me and I love it for that! #I regularly play jank and games and find I enjoy them so w/e

[flying-elliska]

It's not specifically about Skam France, it's more of a general thought, so I hope you can answer it but I admit I was taken aback by the post you rebloged. I love the fact that minorities' voices are being listened to, and it's really important to not shut down the criticism. But this person basically wrote "it doesn't matter if a black man wrote it, it doesn't matter if "some" PoC liked it, if other PoC say it's racist, it's racist". And of course not everyone is gonna agree on everything, and it's good to have this dialogue, but I'm a bit confused. So it's not okay to silenced people who didn't like something, but it's okay to do it for those who did like it? I'm not even being sarcastic, it's a real question. Because I believe a lot of anons who defended the season were black, and some who screamed "racism" were white (I believe an anon PoC even said it to you). So I don't know, it's a bit confusing to me. It seems important to also not silenced those who think something is a good representation, right? Because I've just seen this with the new Shadow and Bone show, there was a lot of talks about disability. Many people were saying "it's not good rep" and a lot of disabled people who actually liked the actor's answers in a interview were silenced, because those who didn't agree were louder. And I don't really have an opinion on any of those situations, but something just doesn't feel right to me and I just thought it would be interesting to have your opinion on it.

i think if you were taken aback by that post, it’s maybe a sign that this is something you need to think about a bit more. because that’s not what the post said. (or at least, not what i understood when i reblogged it.)

to me the point was that, as white fans, we need to avoid arriving with a pre-made opinion about these matters and then cherry-pick whichever POC’s words we can use to defend this opinion. instead we need to take a seat back, and listen about the actual content of the discussion in all of its nuance (instead of immediately thinking ‘so how can i make this about me and what i think of this show’ and ‘i like this show so it has to not be racist” or “i don’t like this show so it has to be racist.” our opinion of the show is not what what should lead the way here.)

it’s not about silencing people who did like the show ; it’s about making sure that their opinions are not used against the people who felt hurt by it. it’s about creating a space that is respectful and thoughtful so that all the voices that really matter can be heard, no matter what their stances are about the show.

and it’s about putting the needs of actual real people above our little opinions of a fictional bunch of characters. and actively learning something about the dynamics of racism instead of just wanting to be told by POC what the Correct Opinion is so we can perform being Unproblematic for brownie points without actually having to think about it or doing any work ; because wanting to reduce fans of color’s opinions to a single easy to digest thing is dehumanizing.

what you are saying about these disability discussions around Shadow and Bone, I think, actually goes in the same direction. it reminds me of discussions I have had with some D/deaf fans around s5 of Skam France ; about how the fandom’s anger and virulent criticism of things like the love triangle completely obscured the enjoyment they had of feeling represented for the first time in forever. and like they felt like the fandom was much more interested in having discourse wars and weaponizing the topic of representation than actually learning something.

so. the argument here i’m getting at is not Criticism is Good or Criticism is Bad actually. what we’re getting at is that there is a nasty tendency in fandom, of non-marginalized fans using arguments about representation as a club to beat each other over the head with how much more Enlightened and Correct they are, and in doing so talking over marginalized fans, and screwing up the possibility of having an actual nuanced conversation because everything needs to be brought back to Show Good or Show Bad. and putting people in one of these boxes so you can praise or attack them.

i’ve talked before about how a too narrow idea of what Good Representation is is actually very dangerous. reality is complex and people’s representation needs and experiences are different and there are a lot of interlocking cultural dynamics involved. not everybody is going to agree on everything. because they’re people, not Diversity Representation Props ! there needs to be a discussion !!!!! that recognizes the humanity at play !!!!!

you can’t reduce this stuff to a series of talking points. but of course, narrow rigid conceptions of representation are great for internet clout, feeling morally righteous and superior to others, and attacking people who are threatening a fictional thing you have fused your identity into. so of course people for whom this is just a story do that, and they completely bulldoze over the humanity of people whose actual lived experiences are being discussed. which is deeply shit.

(also thinking about the absolute horror that was the conversation around mental illness during s6 because as it turns out a lot of people only care about that when they can romanticize it. but let’s not get into that again.)

so. i think there is a reason why you feel uncomfortable about this topic. uncomfortable is good when the situation sucks ! it means we are getting somewhere. but also maybe ask yourself why your brain jumped to conclusions. it’s possible that you’re actually gotten into the habit of seeing this as a contest of opinion instead of an opportunity to learn. this is a thing the internet does a lot to our brains. but that’s not an excuse not to try and do better.

#skam france #representation #racism #fandom

[canonicallyanxious]

hi, If you are still doing taking asks for the top 5 of whatever, I have one. Top 5 (or 10) scenes in the skamverse?

anon this is a really good ask and i’m unfortunately absolute trash for the skamverse so it’s gonna have to be my top 10 skjdnfskjdnfs in the interest of fairness though I’m going to try my best to limit myself to one scene/clip per season [also cut on this one bc it got long oops]

1. Minutt for minutt [og skam s3]

Words cannot express how much this scene still means to me four years after i first saw it. Like this is the scene that made Even and Isak’s relationship so special to me, this is probably the scene or at least one of them that tipped this show from “oh this is really good” to “i will fucking die on this hill for skam” for me. like, just the tenderness of Isak quietly watching Even as he sleeps. the soft physical affection a mentally ill character is allowed to have on screen. this beautiful yet grounded dialogue about coping with mental illness which cheesy as it might sound is also something i’ve very often taken to heart in my own struggle with coping with mental illness since. like god. truly groundbreaking, honestly.

2. David’s coming out scene in druck s3 ep 8 - “i am a boy. i just have to try a little harder” [druck s3]

this scene came very, very close to beating minutt for minutt and honestly on a different day it might have done so, just today i decided to put minutt for minutt at the top simply because it’s been with me for longer. but i think this was probably the most emotionally moving clip for me in the entire season, and i had the privilege to watch it in real time which makes it even more special to me. it was everything i could have ever wanted from david’s coming out - soft, aching, quiet, devastating writing that broke my entire heart. and “i am a boy; i just have to try a little harder” is probably a line that’s going to stick with me for a very long time. i can’t think of another trans person’s coming out scene in mainstream media that has touched me as deeply as this one.

3. Fatou and Kieu My’s museum date in druck s6 ep 6 [druck s6]

this scene has everything. EVERYTHING. space imagery! soft and tender kisses! hands brushing in the dark! yearning looks! playful banter! serious conversations about feelings that move forward both their development! like it just reminds me so viscerally of falling in love for the first time as a teenager. druck in general i think does a very good job of portraying teen romance but the fact that this teen romance is about two wlwoc [one of whom is vietnamese like bitch!!!!] means EVERYTHING to me. like this more than anything else in the entire skamverse is something I wish my teen self had gotten to see. i’ve probably seen this clip about twenty times because part of me still can’t believe it exists.

4. The Carnival scene at the end of the last episode of skam austin s1 [skam austin s1]

honestly i think the entire last clip of skam austin s1 is just pure excellence [even if they made me watch Meg and Marlon have sex in a car wash smfh]. like one of my favorite things about og skam was how it really gave their characters room to breathe and take their time with their conversations and i think this clip is probably one of the ones that come the closest to capturing that energy for me [no wonder i guess since julie andem was so involved with this season]. but i love the carnival scene in particular because i love the energy it captures in meg’s dynamics with the other characters and it’s just such a nice opportunity for them all to finally breathe after a difficult season. also i will never ever forget the pure euphoria of watching Shay become a confirmed lesbian on screen in real time [even if i still think the way it was done was kinda meh]. i think i was giddy for the rest of the fucking night after i saw that.

5. Nora breaking up with Miquel for good in skamesp s3 ep 8 [skamesp s3]

i actually think skamesp s3 is one of the best remake seasons of the skamverse. An incredible feat for skamesp to make me rank a NOORHELL season near the top, but honestly skamesp s3 is much more than a noorhell season, like i think the story it tells is hard to watch but very important to tell. i especially love this clip because it’s just such a well thought out culmination of Nora’s arc throughout the season. and it’s so devastating in how understated it is. the acting is phenomenal, the lighting is gorgeous, my breath was taken away by the way Nora said “don’t touch me” with her hair blowing gently around her face. just very good.

6. Josh and Nora’s second break-up scene at the end of druck s5 ep 9 [druck s4]

what does it say about me that this is the THIRD BREAK UP CLIP on this list skdjdnfksdnfsdkn. i genuinely did have a really hard time picking one clip for s5 [other top contenders include the last clip of ep 8 and the cuddle clip at the beginning of ep 6] but i went with this one because a. i love to suffer and b. the way josh plays with nora’s jacket and then she gently pulls away and his hands still linger bc he can’t quite bring himself to let her go just yet fucking HAUNTS ME. watching this scene genuinely made me feel like i was going through a break up myself, maybe because it reminded me so much of my own first break up in a lot of ways. kudos to the strong writing and stellar performances from the actors here.

7. Best of Islam [og skam s4]

Yousana the true og m/f relationship i was overly invested in... i miss they... anyway this clip is really good just on its own and i think it’s a good encapsulation of everything i wanted this season to be. i love that Sana got to talk about her experiences and her relationship with her religion; i love that yousef listens to her carefully and talks about his own experiences and feelings; i love their playful energy; I LOVE YOUSEF GIVING SANA THE FLOWER. truly it doesn’t get better than this.

8. Amira and Mohammed get back together at the end of druck s4 ep 7 [druck s4]

i love this scene because i think it showcases the very best of Amira and Mohammed’s dynamic. the way they listen to each other, their playful manner with each other, how utterly taken they are with each other. i love also that Mohammed finally got to talk about his experiences as a refugee and how that connects to his religion. and the whole exchange about baklava still has me so ;-; ;-; the chemistry these two have is absolutely unreal. i will never get over Amira being cheated of the last few episodes of her season. the greatest injustice to experience after a clip like this, truly.

9. Life in Italics [skam austin s2]

aside from the first ep this might be the only clip i’ve actually seen from this season but i stand by this choice sorry not sorry shay dixon performing an absolute bop in a pink wig is just too iconic

10. Crisana cuddle scene in skamesp s2 episode 6 [skamesp s2]

I think I’ve loved basically every remake version of the iconic s3 ep 5 cuddle clip i’ve seen but this one has stuck with me in particular just because it was really special to me to be able to see two girls be so soft and gentle and loving with each other. no excessive make-up, no hypersexualization, nothing glossy or glamorized about it. i honestly often have a really hard time connecting to teen wlw romance but this was one of those times it actually felt real to me. also the song choice for this clip is simply chef’s kiss

Ask me my top 5/10 anything!

#the way this is showing my entire ass as a druck stan ksjnfskdnfds #FOUR DRUCK CLIPS ON THIS LIST #I'M NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT SORRY #if i had let myself i probably would have put even more druck clips on here #probably from s3 or s5 #tbf if i had allowed myself more than one clip a season o helga natt would have absolutely made it on here too #it's just minutt for minutt means so much to me personally #but i think o helga natt is just gorgeously crafted #answers #Anonymous