#and I feel like how generally Loki-coded he is that would fit with this | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lowkeyorloki · 4 years

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lbd

After a fight with Loki, you wear the smallest dress you can to an Avengers press event...

(smut smut smut)

The party was awful.

Stark’s press events often were. It was interesting, how the media had changed over the past eight years. In 2012, you and the rest of the Avengers would only be seen on news stations. Now, it wasn’t out of the ordinary to for your names to be in tabloids next to celebrities like Taylor Swift or Noah Centineo. The team wasn’t just heroes anymore, you were public figures as well.

Hence the formal attire, the flashing cameras, the expensive wine. These events only happened about once a year- they were manageable. Just a pain. Besides, you always had Loki to endure them with.

Except, not tonight. And so, the party was awful, not just boring.

The argument you had with Loki last night carried over into today, and when you were asking him about the event, he gave you no answer. Never in a million years did you think he would ignore during this. The press, the world, had never really forgiven him for New York. He was hated by the general public. It didn’t help it was a well-known fact he was with you: you, the youngest Avenger. You, who had been America’s golden girl until Loki corrupted you.

That was what everyone liked to say. Really, you just got older. And cynical. You couldn’t fight the worst of the worst throughout the universe and remain idealistic.

You and Loki had to stick together for public appearances. The reporters tore you to shreds if you didn’t. And besides that... You didn’t like not being around the god. It was so much better to face things with him. You were together. Even when things were tense, the two of you could always lean on each other. That was the nature of your relationship.

And yet, here you were, halfway through your third glass of champagne, giving Steve a half-hearted smile as he spoke. Every so often, your eyes scanned the large hall, eventually falling on Loki. He avoided your gaze each time.

You wanted to be angry, or bitter. That’s what you felt earlier today when he wouldn’t speak to you. Loki wordlessly dressed in his suit, looked you up and down in your floor length dress, and left your shared room. In a fit of rage, you had dug through your closet for something that would anger him. No, not anger. That wasn’t the right word.

Entice him. Make him protective. Despite your life with him, you were still seen as the innocent Avenger. The normal girl who stumbled into justice. You never wore short or form fitting clothes anywhere there would be cameras. You were modest. That was the role you were pidgeonholed into. Social media, combined with constant interest and exposure, ensured that. In 2020, half of being an Avenger was perception. Every team member was an archetype. Every team member adhered to that. Outwardly, at least.

So when nothing in your closet would accomplish what you wanted, you raided Natasha’s. She helped you pick out something no one would expect you to wear: A silky black body con dress. When you tried it on, it barely came halfway down your thighs. There was little left to the imagination, considering its length and low neckline.

You paired it with heels, and painted your nails Loki’s shade of green. Natasha gathered your hair into a messy bun, leaving your neck exposed. Even Wanda joined in, brushing sparkles over your collarbone. You looked unlike you ever had before.

Honestly, you looked like Natasha did on a daily basis. That brought you some amount of comfort, knowing you wouldn’t be sticking out. But it went without saying you didn’t look like yourself, and no one had ever seen you like this. The press would have a field day.

But it wasn’t them you cared about. The only person you were thinking about was Loki.

And he didn’t even do a double take. When you first walked into the room, his eyes rested on you just a second. Then he turned away.

So you didn’t find yourself angry like you were just a few hours before this. When Loki ignored you, you only felt... Sad. Empty, almost. You had been upset with each other for less than a full day, but you missed him. If there was no animosity between you two, Loki’s hand would be on the small of your back right now, and he would be whispering into your ear. Sharing jokes about everyone at the party, wrapped up in each other.

You fought so little. It was something you weren’t used to.

“Hey.” Steve sticks an elbow into your ribs, pulling you from your thoughts. Next to him, Bucky wears a worried expression. “You okay?”

You sigh. Tipping your head back, you drain the rest of your drink and then nod.

“I’m fine, Steve.” he looks uncertain. “I mean it. I can last one night without him. Just because I’m in a relationship doesn’t mean I’m any less independent.”

“I believe that.” Steve agrees.

“You only believe her because that’s how you are.” Bucky grins at Steve, leaning over to steal a quick kiss from Captain America. Steve smiles, just barely, and holds Bucky’s hand in his own after the dark-haired man pulls back. Your eyes flicker away, but a genuine smile grows on your lips. You love to see your friends happy. They deserve it, your whole team does.

It’s moments like these, when Steve is focused on Bucky and you on Loki, you remember you and Steve used to date. It seems like a completely different time, but it wasn’t even ten years ago.

You were with Steve when Loki attacked New York.

“I’m going for a refill.” you state. Both men look uncertain. You pay it no mind. “Do either of you want anything?”

They shake their heads in response, so you make your way over to the bar. There’s no one there, not even the bartender, which bothers you at first. Then you realize it’s exactly what you need. Just a few minutes alone to clear your head. The bar is in same room as everyone else, so classical music and conversation are all around you. Still, you manage to find solace.

It’s quickly interrupted.

“Hello, darling.”

Loki.

His breath tickles the back of your neck as he speaks. As soon as you’re aware of his presence, his smell envelops you. You shiver, noticing how close he must be to you.

You don’t turn around.

“Hi Loki.” you greet him back, eyes forward. You voice almost shakes, and you exhale, willing yourself to keep cool. Loki was always so calm and collected, something he used as a weapon. Clearly, even against you.

Loki hums, and his fingers softly begin to dance over your bare shoulder.

“You look different,” he states. “With those shoes, you almost reach my height. But darling, you have never looked so small.” Loki’s voice drops on that last word, and a wave of heat flashes through your body. You set your glass down on the counter next to you, worried whatever Loki does next will cause you to drop it.

“Funny.” you say. “I don’t feel small.” You know Loki, know what the word small is code for. “Or weak.”

Loki tuts, and his large hands slide from your shoulders to your hips. Your dress is so short that his pinkies lay on your bare skin.

“No, I suppose you don’t.” Loki leans in, his lips brushing the shell of your ear as he talks. You can’t help it, you tremble, your surroundings beginning to fade away as you focus on the god. “I bet you felt quite powerful, teasing me in this dress. Talking to Steve Rogers.” Suddenly, Loki pulls you into him, and you gasp. His length presses completely against your ass, and you are barely able to bite back a moan.

This is harder than you’ve ever felt him. Your breathing becomes hitched, but Loki’s strong grip keeps you glued to him. His fingers dig into your hips, and you’re sure there will be bruises tomorrow.

“Did you think,” Loki rolls his hips against you, causing a mewl to escape your lips. “...that I would forget your past with Rogers? That it had just, slipped my mind that he is the only man you have ever laid with besides myself?” Loki’s lips connect with the crook of your neck, pressing wet kisses there that are anything but gentle. “Or was that the point? To make me jealous?” Loki’s next words shake you the most. “Can you even count the amount of times I have been inside you?”

Just like that, his hands relax, and you begin to catch your breath.

“Smile.” Loki points, and you notice the groups of reporters making their way to you, cameras flashing. Loki pivots, turning both of you so you face the them. He drops one hand to his side, but the other snakes around your waist. It won’t be obvious in the photos, but his fingers are dangerously close to your heat, filling you to the brim with want.

Just as you manage to get yourself under control, the cameras begin flashing. You force a smile, and when you look at Loki, he’s staring straight ahead, expressionless.

You hated getting photos taken, knowing the headlines they would be paired with. But Loki hates it even more. You were always the victim in the media’s eyes, but Loki had never outgrown the villain. He worked so hard to be good, so hard to change. And for what? No one believed him, save for you and his brother.

Your heart grows heavy, and despite the fight, despite the teasing that left you melting in his arms, you want Loki to know you appreciate him.

You tug on the front of his suit jacket, capturing his attention. Loki looks down at you, confusion in his eyes. You reach forward, placing your hand on the back of his neck and tugging him down so his lips met yours.

It was filthy, the way he kissed you in front of the press. Loki once again pulled you to him, your chests pressed together. He laid his hand on your back, and thank god he did, because it kept you grounded. Your teeth clacked together more than once, and Loki gave you no opportunity to gather yourself before he sucked on your bottom lip. Your were eyes closed, but you still heard as the reporters went wild, cameras snapping as they each tried to get the juiciest shot.

Loki was the one who ended the kiss, tugging away from you. He took your hand in his, waving with the other. In the crowd, you could see Steve standing in shock, arm around Bucky’s waist. Stark was next to them, looking furious.

Loki makes eye contact with you before he briskly walks away, tugging you with him. You have no time to ask where it is he’s taking you before you somehow slip into the kitchen unnoticed.

The kitchen staff stops, and you realize what this must look like to them. Loki, with a hungry look in his eyes, and you, swollen lips and practically half-naked. Jesus, was this where you thought the night was going?

“Get out.” Loki addresses the staff. They share glances, unsure of whether to listen. Loki sighs. “We are two hours into a four hour party. No one ever comes for food, they just want to drink. You are no longer needed. Now, get,” Loki’s irises flash green. “...out.”

They listen then, rushing out of the doors and through the backroom that will lead them from the building. The locks on each door click shut, surely a result of Loki’s magic.

“You.” you squirm under the god’s harsh gaze. “Are a very. Stupid. Girl.” with each step Loki takes forward, you take one backwards, until your back is against the tiled wall. Your heart begins beating fast. You look to Loki’s pants, taking in the tent. Your heart rate accelerates even more.

He places his hands on the wall, one on either side of your face, trapping you with him. Wordlessly, Loki begins sucking on your collarbone, his lips moving down your breasts until they hit the neckline on your dress. Your eyes roll back, and you grip Loki’s hair tight. He rams his knee in between your thighs, and you cry out.

“Do you have any idea what you’ve done?” he rolls his hips, and now that you’re alone, you can feel and experience it to the fullest expense. Your mouth falls open as Loki presses his clothed length against your clothed sex, moaning and letting out a string of curses. “Look at me, darling.” You listen, obeying Loki as he removes his knee.

Loki makes full eye contact as he takes your left breast in his hands, kneading and massaging you as he gauges your reactions. You begin panting, and soon enough, Loki grabs the front of your dress with both hands and rips it, exposing your bare breasts.

You hiss at the sudden cold, but it doesn’t last long as Loki sucks on your nipple, running his calloused thumb other the other. Loki swirls his tongue, and you whimper, arching your back. As the sensation builds inside you, Loki takes a steps back, drinking in the sight of you.

“The media won’t soon forget this. Until now, the worst they had caught us doing was holding hands.” he growls. His lips are redder than usual, and his hair was messy because of your fingers in it. “I can imagine the scolding from Stark.”

“Who cares about Stark? You just ruined Natasha’s dress.” you say, your voice strained. His absence is noticeable, and your body aches for Loki’s touch. He raises an eyebrow.

“Sweet girl, whose fault is that? None of this would ever have happened if you simply dressed appropriately.” the hair on your arms stands up. Loki hums. “I think you should make it up to me. You got us into this mess, did you not?” Loki smirks.

The feeling in your stomach builds up again, lust taking over you. You take off you heels, and sink to your knees. Loki’s pupils dilate as you move closer to him.

You unbuckle his belt, sliding it off and discarding it on the floor next to you. Slowly, you unbutton Loki’s dress pants, your fingers catching on the tip of his underwear as you do.

You want to draw this out, to tease Loki as he teased you. But when you see his hard length, and the damp spot on the cloth holding it, you can’t bring yourself to. Loki is a god, much stronger and faster than you. When you turn to dust, Loki will be as young and full of life as he is now.

But his needs are the same as any other man’s. You’re determined to fulfill them.

You brush your mouth over him, causing Loki’s eyes to close momentarily. When they do, you waste no time exposing him. Loki fingers run through your hair immediately, grasping tightly. You can hear his breathing become just a bit irregular.

You keep your eyes on Loki’s as you lick him, from shaft to head. You lap at the precum there, then slowly take him into your mouth.

Loki lets out a sigh, his lips parting, and you rub circles onto his hipbones with your thumbs. You bring your arms against your chest, pushing your bare breasts up to make them appear bigger. You want to give Loki the best view possible.

It must have worked, because Loki’s hips buck forward. The tip of his cock hits the back of your throat, and you almost gag. Instead, you moan around him. setting a slow pace. Every so often, you flick your tongue across his head, and Loki tugs on your hair when you do.

Loki quivers, and he’s thrown his head back now. His eyes are squeezed shut, his mouth open, and he looks so pleased. Pride washes over you at the thought of you making him feel this way.

You bring your hand up, taking the parts of Loki that your mouth just can’t reach. With the added freedom, you circle his tip, switching up the pressure and surrounding him with your warmth. Carefully, you cup his balls, making sure every part of him is paid attention to.

Loki groaned as you fucked him with your mouth, cheeks hallowed. He begins panting, holding your head even tighter. His shirt has ridden up over his navel, and the sight nearly drives you crazy.

“I’m going to-” you don’t let him finish, picking up the pace until Loki jerks forward, spilling his seed with a curse.

There’s so much, some dribbles out the corners of your mouth before you can swallow it all. Your chests warms at the idea of part of Loki being inside you. You’ve barely leaned back to catch your breath before he’s pulled you up and into a kiss, groaning as he tastes himself on you. Your body becomes slack, relying entirely on Loki’s for support.

“You’re insatiable.” he says into your mouth. He picks you up, and you wrap your legs around his waist. Loki carries you to a nearby counter and sets you atop it.

Your dress is hiked up to your hips now, leaving you covered in just a g-string. As Loki begins to take it off, you stop him.

“Wait.” you say. He stops, giving you a surprisingly soft look. “I just...” you splay your hands across Loki’s strong chest. “I want to see you too.” your voice is quiet.

Loki places his hands over yours as you unbutton his shirt. You slide it down his shoulders, then trace his collarbones and curve of his abs. Under the fluorescent lights of the kitchen, Loki looks even more pale than usual, the sharp contours of his body illuminated and exposed.

You never grow bored of the sight of him.

Now fittingly bare, Loki’s fingers travel up your thigh and stop at your sex. Similar to you, his gives you a few strokes over your thong before he rids you of it in one fluid motion. He angles himself to you, his tip teasing your entrance as he smirks at your noises.

He enters you all at once. You bite down on his shoulder, nails raking down his back. You hold tight to Loki as he sinks into you, moving in a slow and almost tantalizing way. There’s sweat on both of your bodies, and despite your exposed state, you feel yourself heat up.

Loki’s rhythm increases as you adjust to him. His hips move back and forth, and your bodies move in tandem, made for each other. You coo into Loki’s ears, moaning about how good he felt. How breathless he made you, how only he knew how to make you feel this way. No one knew your body like Loki.

The coil inside you finally snaps as Loki hits a pleasure spot deep inside you, and you let out a cry into his shoulder. Loki cums not long after, his body going tense as he rides out the wave of pleasure.

He holds you, rubbing your back as the aftershock rocks through your body. You shake, exhausted and satisfied as you close your eyes for a moment of rest.

Eventually, Loki sets you back down on the floor. He tugs your dress down over your legs, and tucks stray pieces of hair behind your ears. You watch him wordlessly, allowing him to take of you.

After Loki is dressed himself, he gives you the jacket of his suit to wear.

“Oh.” you look down, remembering he ripped your dress. You slip the jacket on, buttoning it to protect the little modesty you have left.

He takes your hand, leading you to the door and back into the party. Before he does, you stop.

“I’m sorry about our fight.” you say. Loki lets out a chuckle, making you feel silly.

“Oh, sweet girl. After a tryst like this, I can assure you all is forgiven.”

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hencethebravery · 3 years

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v i c e v e r s a

This is the extremely brief story of how a rebellious, narcissistic little whelp fell in love with a smarmy, mustachioed bureaucrat (and vice versa).

+ Agent Mobius sits in an unremarkable cubicle in an unremarkable corner of an unremarkable building in a famously remarkable city. He wakes up and pages through his old travel magazines and not infrequently spills some of his coffee all over them. His subscription expired a year or so ago, and for whatever reason he has not been able to find the time to renew it. He finishes his breakfast and walks a couple blocks (if the weather’s nice) before hopping on the train another 30 minutes to the office, where he always greets security and they sometimes greet him back.

Agent Mobius has been working for the CI division of the Internal Revenue Service for the last 15 years, and he has been maddeningly close to catching Odin, the CEO of Asgard, Inc., for about 10 of those.

He’s worked other cases of course—made an impact in a plethora of other ways (his superiors take comfort in the consistent quality of his work), but they so rarely consumed him with the same degree of ferocity as this one. And it’s not because he’s been trapped within a “will they, won’t they” cluster-cuss with Odin’s impossible son (his youngest) for about 3-4 of the 10 years mentioned.

And no, it’s not a conflict of interest; if anything, he’s undercover.

B. (”Bee”) is his favorite co-worker. He knows almost nothing about her but is completely committed to making sure that he is her favorite co-worker. He’s winning her over. Absolutely.

“That is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard you say, Mobius.”

He scoffs and adjusts his belt. He has almost certainly said things dumber than that.

Mobius treats himself to salads from Sissy’s Café 2-3 times a week. They’re on the pricier side because they’re so large, which is really the only way to eat a salad, otherwise you’re still hungry and it was nothing but a waste of money and wilted lettuce. On a seasonally comfortable day he’ll grab it to-go and grab a table at a small park nearby, which is generally speaking one of the nicer parts of his day, unless of course—

“You are terribly predictable, I hope you know.”

Mobius huffs and stabs his fork into a particularly thick bit of spinach and avocado. “You say that as if you’re not, which I find hilarious.”

“Well you would, I am famously quite funny.”

He tries to ignore the fact that the code-word “Young Prince,” has finally gotten the haircut he’s so desperately needed (even more so does he try to ignore the fact that he’d been the one to suggest it). Loki is in black today (surprise, surprise) despite the bright, warm sunshine, and his t-shirt fits snug across his shoulders.

“Nice haircut,” Mobius notes between sips of his ever-warming seltzer.

Loki gives the barest hint of a smile, which is unfortunately one of Mobius’ favorite things, if only because it is one of the few real things about the man.

“Not that you asked, but I stopped by because I have some information for you.”

Mobius sighs. Loki loves claiming to have information, which Mobius more-or-less loves to follow-up on despite the fact that it is unreliable about 85% of the time. Happily enough for Mobius, Loki isn’t a huge fan of his father either, although he is a fan of his father’s money, which doesn’t really work in the IRS’ favor.

“Oh?” Mobius replies, disinterested. “And I’m sure it’s just as helpful as your last little ‘tip’ was.”

“More, actually, and frankly I’m offended by the accusation.”

“I’m sure you are.”

The few seconds that follow would be familiar to anyone who had for whatever reason been observing this strange almost-mating ritual that had been occurring over the years. A comfortably quiet exchange of mutual gazing where Loki secretly admired the bent in Mobius’ nose, and Mobius secretly admired the crinkling around Loki’s eyes when he did that almost-smile he reserved for a lucky few.

Loki clears his throat and reaches across the table for the seltzer, taking a sip whilst decidedly ignoring the look of disbelief on Mobius’ face.

“Excuse me—”

“Yes, excuse you, if you’ll recall I was about to share some very valuable information. The most valuable, you might say.”

The last time Loki interrupted Mobius’ lunch with “valuable information,” he’d wasted an ungodly amount of time and money pursuing a lead (and raiding the office of a rather well-respected Senator) that went nowhere, all because this Senator had made a pointed and correct comment at some rich-person function and Loki has never been able to not take something personally for even one moment in his absurd little life.

“And why should I believe you this time?”

It’s the fidgeting that gives it away—how starts tapping his fingertips against the empty can, his eyes looking anywhere other than at Mobius. That maybe he’s telling the truth this time.

“I’m... tired, I guess.”

“You’re ‘tired.’”

He looks up, briefly, before he returns to this out-of-character bit of looking anywhere else.

“My brother’s off... saving the world,” he starts with a sneer, “Sylvie’s about to have a family—”

“She’s still your family,” Mobius interrupts, “don’t be stupid.”

“But that’s classic me, isn’t it?”

Mobius silently disagrees, but he’s so afraid to burst this bubble of self-awareness—to ruin what has started to feel like a critical, life-changing moment, that he cannot possibly bring himself to speak.

Loki opens his mouth as if he has more to say, but he closes it and places a small black hard drive in the middle of the table instead. When Mobius looks closer, he notices that it’s engraved with a small bolt of lightening. His heart starts to tap in a series quickening, uncomfortable beats.

“Loki—”

“I’ve had it for a while,” he admits, “if you knew how long you’d probably want nothing more to do with me.”

Mobius has made the moral arguments before; probably to the detriment of the argument itself. That no single man should be able to accumulate so much wealth—that his notoriously stuffy, humorless job is “really important, actually,” and stopping his father could help a lot of people, least of all his own son, and “good god, Loki, what the hell are you even trying to prove?”

“It’s for admittedly selfish reasons,” he continues before Mobius can correct him, “regardless of the final outcome.”

“Why’s that?” Mobius croaks, wishing his tie was just a little bit looser today (so goddamn tight, every single day—)

“Well,” he grins, looking back up at him, finally, “if you’re not undercover, there’s no... what’s the term? ‘Conflict of interest?’”

“Yeah,” Mobius laughs, “yeah, that’s the term.”

Loki pushes the drive across the table. “Take it,” he says, “it’s time you had it.”

"Feels like it should be heavier.”

Loki smirks.

“Shut up.”

Mobius glances at his watch and notices, with surprise, that he’s gone about 5 minutes over his lunch hour.

“Time to go?” Loki asks, the words painted with a nervousness that seems foreign to him.

Agent Mobius has never once returned late from his lunch hour. He respects the agency’s time too much, and what real good has ever come from his lingering? But when he looks back at Loki, who has so recently cut his hair—who suddenly fidgets and appears genuinely nervous, he considers the importance of making exceptions to certain rules. To “loosening his tie,” so to speak. And besides, Bee will cover for him (he’s pretty sure).

“Nah,” Mobius answers, sliding the drive into his coat pocket, “I can be late.”

#loki series #loki #mobius #lokius #loki fic #lokius fic #loki fanfic #lokius fanfic #@hencethewriter #a prince and a bureaucrat flirt in a park #it's a modern au #because i will never fuck with mcu canon for free #also there's a wes anderson reference in here #because of course there is

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worstloki · 3 years

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please read the article 'How White Fandom is Colonizing "Character-Coding"' by Shafira Jordan and quit while you're ahead

Okay, so I read it and see the problem, and I’ll try to address all their points in order because I don’t wholly agree with the article. I know it’s a lot to read so I’ve put tldr; sections at the end of each :)

Misusing the Term Reinforces Negative Stereotypes for Marginalized People

The article essentially argues that labeling characters which are villainous as POC-coded is bad because they’re not morally pure and doing so "reinforces the idea that people of color are naturally dangerous and not to be trusted.”

Which is fair as you don’t want all the representation to be of ‘bad’ characters, but I also don’t believe all representative characters have to be ‘good’ either as it would be equally racist to divide good/bad in such a way. Not that I would place Loki under ‘bad’ to begin with, but arguing that characters shouldn’t be labelled as POC-coded for reasons unrelated to what’s presented in the narrative or because they did bad things is :/ even if lack of good representation is a prevalent issue in current Western and influenced media.

Ideally there should be a range of representative characters that fall into ‘good’, ‘bad’, and ‘anywhere in-between’ because variety and complexity in character types should, in theory, be treated as common practice (which can only happen with a multitude of representation!).

And a bit unrelated but... within the fictional context of Thor 1, all the Jotnar (sans Loki) are presented to the audience as ‘bad’ by default. They desperately want to get their Casket back to the point of attempting stealing it (from the ‘good’ characters), they fight the heroes and even when the gang and Thor (’good’ characters) are enjoying or going overboard with taking lives it’s inconsequential, Laufey wants to kill the opposing king (who just happens to be a ‘good’ character) and will resort to low-handed methods to do so, etc. The narrative itself is from the frame of reference of the ‘good’ and we only see warriors of Jotunheim though so we understand why it’s like this, because regardless of their race/experiences the narrative carries, even if it most definitely would be seen as racist from our real-life perspectives if the ‘monstrous’ race were presented by actual people of colour, even if it would make sense for the people on on different realms living in different environments to be different from each other, and realistic even for that to be the root of some conflict.

tldr; not using a specific label to prevent negative presentations of the characters seems a bit strange to do when the coding would be based off the text, but with limited representation available I see why it would be done, even if I still believe minority-coding is free game to expand/interpret.

Improperly Labeling a Character as “POC-coded” Suggests the Experiences of All People of Color are the Same

The article argues that labeling Loki as POC-coded “suggests that all people of color have the same experiences, when in reality, people of color come from different places, have different cultures, and have different traditions.” And while it’s true that the term doesn’t go into detail about which particular experiences (and these experiences can vary vastly due to diversity!) the appropriate measure would be to remove the umbrella term POC altogether as people of colour tend to also vary. But that’s also exactly why it’s an all-encompassing general term? It’s a way to denote anyone who isn’t “white” and has the associated cultural privilege that comes with the concept of white supremacy.

And, obviously, in the fictional setting presented, the concept of white supremacy is not prodded at, but cultural supremacy is definitely one that makes recurring appearances, right next to the parts about Asgard being a realm built on imperialism with ongoing colonial practice.

My take on this is that Loki’s narrative features a struggle with identity after finding out he’s of a different race and was being treated differently his entire life and being Jotun was presumably a part of the reasoning even if he didn’t know it. He’s basically treated as of less worth for inherently existing differently. I do believe that racism is a common-enough POC experience, but that while Loki was born with blue skin he passes/appears white which is why I don’t say that Loki is a POC, just that he has been coded/can be interpreted this way.

There’s also the entire thing with Loki trying to fit in and prove he belongs by trying to fit the theory and be The Most Asgardian by committing genocide (which ultimately makes no difference as he’s still not the ‘acceptable’ version of Asgardian), and the denial/rejection of his birth culture in destructively lashing out towards them (which even Thor is confused by because Loki isn’t typically violent), and the fact his self worth plummets and he is passively suicidal upon finding out he’s Jotun (internalized racism? general drop in self-worth after finding out he’s adopted and has been lied to? Bit of both?), but what do I know, I’m sure none of those are, at their base, common experiences or relatable feelings for anyone or decent rep because we see such themes on-screen presented wonderfully in different lights all the time.

tldr; every set of experiences could be different, some types of discrimination could overlap, if you limit an umbrella term to only very specific circumstances then it’s no longer an umbrella term.

Suggesting that White Characters are Meant to be Seen as People of Color Ignores the Actual Characters of Color that are Present in these Stories

I don’t agree with most of this section, but that may just be the way the arguments are put together, which I don’t blame the author for.

“ Implying that Loki is a person of color completely ignores Heimdall and Hogun, the only Black and Asian Asgardians who appear in the movie. ”

Characters such as Hogun and Heimdall which are played by actual people of colour have smaller roles in the films and any prejudice they could face for being POC in-universe isn’t made apparent, while Loki at the very least comes to the realization that something he couldn’t change (race, parentage,) was having him treated differently his whole life and had to come to terms with it. The Vanir/Aesir are also both treated similarly on-screen, and Heimdall having dark skin isn’t plot relevant, whereas Jotnar are treated as lesser consistently and are relevant through the movie (breaking into the vault, Thor and co. attack Jotunheim, Loki’s deal with Laufey, the attempted regicide (and the successful one XD), destroying jotunheim, Loki saying he’s not Thor’s brother,).

I also see including characters as POC-coded as... more representation? In all canon-compliant interpretations of the characters Hogun being Vanir is always explicitly mentioned because it’s a fact that just is, up to the appearance and even the world-building of Vanaheim in some fanworks use particularly East Asian culture as inspiration. I have never come across a Marvel fandom Heimdall interpretation where he’s not Black... but because these characters are more minor/side-characters of course they get less attention!

“ In Loki’s fandom, Heimdall’s name sometimes gets thrown in to suggest that it was he all along who was the real villain due to his “racism” against Loki and the rest of the Jotun. It is, of course, ironic to suggest that somehow the only Black Asgardian to appear in the movie can oppress the privileged white prince. “

I... don’t know where to start with this. But the example of theorizing given in the article wasn’t suggesting Heimdall was bad or trying to explain his actions in Thor 1 by saying he is Black... and just looking at a character’s actions shouldn’t be done less or more critically because of skin tone in my opinion. Heimdall may have been trying to do what was best and protect the realm but if the audience didn’t know that Loki was up to dodgy things then the coding would be switched around because he was trying to spy and committed treason and then tried to kill Loki. People... can hold feelings towards others... regardless of skin... and suspect them... for reasons other than skin... although I do still have questions about whether Heimdall knew Loki was Jotun or not. (Even if I personally don’t think it’d make a difference to how he’d treat Loki?)

Some Loki fans have also suggested that because Jotuns have blue skin that this alone makes him a person of color (even if the audience is only allowed to see Loki in his true Jotun form for mere seconds of screentime). This, again, shows a lack of understanding when it comes to race. It doesn’t matter what skin color the Jotuns have.

Race can differentiate between physical and/or behavioural characteristics!! Not being blue all the time doesn’t make him any less Jotun!! He’s got internalized stuff to work through and is used to being Aesir!! At least 1 parent is Jotun so even if Loki was passing as Aesir he’s probably Jotun!! (I don’t know how magic space genetics work for sure but Loki being Jotun was an entire very important jump-starting point in Thor 1!!). It’s a fantasy text and typically things like having different coloured skin indicates a different race or is sometimes if a species has multiple then is just considered a skin colour. That’s how coding works!! The Jotnar are very specifically the only race we see in the movie with a skin-tone not within the ‘normal’ human range, which alienates them to the audience from the get-go!! They’re an “other” and on the opposite side to the ‘good’ characters.

Both Loki and his birth father, Laufey (Colm Feore), are played by white men, and it is impossible for a white man to successfully play a character of color.

The specification of men here bothers me, but yes, you don’t get ‘white’ people to play characters of colour if it can be avoided. (And it can be avoided.)

This also connects with the previous point made that people of color come from various places. There is nothing specifically about the Jotun that could be traced to any specific person of color, and even if there were, there would be no way for white men to portray them without being disrespectful.

This is where arguments about the definition of coding and how specificity/generalizations and do/don’t come in. I know I’m subjective and lean towards the more rep the better, but while I agree ‘white’ people wouldn’t be able to respectfully play a POC I don’t think that rule should have to carry over into fantasy-based fiction. I know texts reflect on reality and reality can reflect within texts, but if contextually there is racial discrimination and there are similar ideas which resonate with the audience’s own experiences I’d say it’s coded well enough to allow that.

tldr; Thor 1′s narrative revolves mainly around Thor and Loki, of which race is kinda kinda a significant theme in Loki’s part of the story. Not so much explored with less-developed side characters such as Heimdall and Hogun, even though their actors are actual people of colour.

How Much of this is Really Well-Intentioned?

In the fantasy space viking world Heimdall and Hogun don’t face any on-screen prejudice and their appearance is not mentioned (which is nice, for sure! good to have casual rep!) but adding on to the roles they play in the narrative the explicit fantasy-racism in the movie isn't aimed at Asian/Black characters, but towards the Humans -to a lesser extent- and the Jotnar, including Loki, who only just found out he comes under that bracket.

The article mentions how fandom space toxicity often “reaches the actors who portray the characters,“ which is true, and it’s shameful that people have to justify their roles or presences are harassed for the pettiest things like skin tone/cultural background, but I don’t see coding characters as removing the spotlight from interesting characters such as those which are actually POC, rather expressing a demand for more rep, since well-written complex characters which are diverse are often absent/minor enough in the media, and therefore can get easily brushed aside in both canon and fandom spaces.

tldr; It’s obviously not a replacement for actual representation, but, if a character is marginalized and can be interpreted as coded, even if they would only be considered so within the context of the textual landscape, I don’t see why spreading awareness through exploring the coding as a possibility for the character shouldn’t be done, even if the media is being presented by people who are ‘white’ or privileged or may not fall into the categories themselves, as long as it’s done respectfully to those it could explicitly represent.

#please don’t patronize me by asking to quit while i’m ahead #it doesn't help anyone #so anyway i've summarized my opinion on the coding thing here for the many anons whose answers could be answered in this ask alone #i think i covered everything?#the article started out okay but I found it kinda :/ in places even though there were valid concerns #I do believe that in-universe context and creators of the media should be taken into account #and that if marginalized themes can be touched on by non-marginalized groups then... great? fictional texts can help people understand #i do also think that rep being presented should if not on-screen have people working on the product to support and ensure it's done well #the world is cold and harsh and cruel and i just wanted a desi Loki AU but here we are #I've got to try and summarize how I think Thor 1 presents Loki's part of the narrative well with POC-coding there because of fantasy-racism #even if the POC-coding is ignored the themes of racism are far too apparent to ignore #loki spends the entire film being a multi-dimensional character and having an entire downfall fueled by grief and a desire to be loved #I don't think attaching a label to such a character would be a negative thing... but perhaps for casual watchers it'd be a bit :/#apparently not everyone takes into account the 1000+ years of good behavior around that 1 year of betrayal/breakdown/identity crisis/torture #MetaAnalysisForTheWin #MAFTW #ThisPostIsLongerThanMyLifeSpan #TPILTMLS #AgreeToDisagreeOrNot #ATDON #poc-coding #yes i ignored everything not about loki in the article what about it #hmmm I know people are going to disagree with me with what should and shouldn't be allowed #I know some people are okay with it but some don't like the poc-coding thing #and that's fine #completely understandable #makes me uncomfy to talk about fictional space racism in comparison to real life but I do think that lack of rep is why coding is important #for some people coding is all that they get #but also!! @ifihadmypickofwishes suggested the term racial allegory and I do believe that is also suitable here!! so I’ll try using that too #rather than poc-coding even though I still believe it applies

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jazzythursday · 3 years

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My Take on The Loki Series, And All The Things I Would Change About/Add To It If I Could (in vaguely chronological order)

Small disclaimer: This is just a compilation of all the ideas I had for ways the Loki Series could have gone, expanding on the main premise. It doesn’t cover everything, simply the aspects of the plot that I felt compelled to diverge from specifically. It’s not meant as an overly harsh critique of the show, just alternate possibilities. A… variant of the show if you will (It’s also egregiously long and yet I had to stop myself from saying more).

The series opens in the TVA with a display of the branching timeline that Loki created. We don’t meet any characters yet or see anyone’s faces, only hearing readings of codes and tracking of the Loki ‘variant’ before switching to Loki.

After traveling with the Tesseract, he takes in his surroundings (it can be the Gobi Desert but the thing with the Mongolians does not happen) but before he can get too far the TVA shows up.

I think it would be interesting to have a sequence of Loki evading them in different environments. Teleporting to different areas/planets and using different forms/disguises (maybe we see a Lady Loki in a restaurant, our Loki, and a few other outfits), however the TVA finds him every time no matter where or what form.

Eventually he gets fed up of running and confronts them directly. This should be an actual fight, i.e. magic and a Loki who is committed to not being taken down again. Ultimately through use of magic dampening technology or other means (but for the love of god not whatever that punch was), he is apprehended and taken into the TVA.

I think the TVA should have been a lot more crowded. They control/ monitor all of time, so we should have seen tons of variants of all shapes/colors/styles/species, maybe even a few characters we recognize (like in the concept art for the show). Show us that Loki is not special here, he is just another variant to be processed and done with, like all the others.

Loki will have already noticed and felt a lack of magic at the TVA, maybe he tried to use it already so by the time we get to the judge his main concern is talking his way out—Putting his ‘silver tongue’ to use. (Lack of magic in the TVA would be referenced later as well when Loki goes to summon a knife or use magic, only to remember that he can’t there).

This is a very small point but if the TVA knows him as Laufeyson, he absolutely would take offense to that. It’s been one year since he found out about and killed his birth father, I’d assume wants nothing to do with the title. Of course the TVA wouldn’t care, and we’d probably get something like:

“I am Loki, of Asgard, and you will address me as such.”

“I think you’ll find out things work a little differently here at the TVA, Mr. Laufeyson.”

Before he’s able to be pruned we have Mobius step in and plead his case.

If the show wants to portray Mobius as a friend we’ll see him have sympathy and conflicts about the TVA from the beginning. He doesn’t quite fit in, he’s bored of the monotony of the place and he has remorse for what they’re doing, but knows it’s not his place to question it. I like the idea of him being somewhat of a fan of Loki (they did mention this in the show but then proceeded to have him belittle Loki every time he opened his mouth which is uh… a choice). Mobius needs Loki’s help but he also has the desire to help Loki. He’s seen how his life plays out and understands that there’s more in him than his worst decisions. I think that Mobius secretly/ subconscious wants a bit of chaos, that he’s intrigued by Loki and as an analyst has an interest in understanding him.

Loki vs B15 would ideally happen before Loki returns to the time theater with the Tesseract instead of after. It would not be so easy for her to physically overpower him as even without magic he still has enhanced strength. (The minutemen show no signs of being genetically much stronger than humans, so arguably without use of their technology it’s obvious he could take one in a fight.

Back in the time theater after Loki’s watched the reel of his life, much of the conversation happens the same albeit with a greater emphasis on Loki’s true motivations and his feelings of powerlessness in his role. A bit about Thanos too (realistically vague). Perhaps he thought at the time he was doing what he wanted, but is starting to realize he doesn’t know anymore. Then we see a version of:

“I can’t promise you salvation, but maybe I can offer you something better.”

“A proposition, I see you have done your research. So tell me, agent, what would you have me do?”

Mobius explains why they need him to track down a variant of himself, and they shake on it. It’s clear that neither of them trust each other yet, but there is a mutual understanding that they will work together anyway.

Their friendship should grow naturally, slowly gaining each other’s trust until they see each other as true allies. In this there are more episodes than in the actual show (I’ll say 8 instead of 6). Give them a few more adventures and a bit more time for splitting up to hurt.

In Roxxcart, we see more use of magic. He dries himself off, maybe shape shifts into/imitates B15 or a minuteman. Loki uses illusions in the fight against the variant. He tries to reason with and understand what they are doing and why. The fight is somewhat matched although Loki is still holding back, fighting with misdirection as the variant fights using possession. Neither of them are showing themselves, and in an attempt to make the variant stop hiding, Loki disperses all the doubles and asks them to do the same. He takes a chance and this is how the variant gets the upper hand, setting off the branches and then revealing herself as Sylvie.

(Side note: In the concept art for the show, Loki changes into his Asgardian outfit by the time he and Sylvie are on Lementis. I definitely could see that working either when the fight begins/during it, or when he goes through the time door. In either case I think it would be somewhat of a gesture to Sylvie that he is not truly aligned with the TVA, thus setting them both apart/ in opposition to it.)

Instead of romance, Sylvie and Loki forge a bond through seeing themselves in each other throughout the series. They talk about the differences in their past and how they got there. They bicker and make each other laugh and rather than Sylvie just insulting Loki, it’s a mutual rapport. Loki gives just as good as he gets and they find they can work better together than apart.

On Lementis, Loki easily gets them into the train by impersonating a guard (or by conjuring tickets).

They talk about magic. How Sylvie is untrained but self taught and doesn’t understand hers very well. Loki can talk about how he views magic/his magic (we can maybe pull a few things from Norse beliefs about seiðr here). Does he view it as a part of himself? Something honed and precise? I want magic to be portrayed as an artful practice, and I want him to help Sylvie understand hers.

Loki gets drunk and they’re kicked out of the train. This reads as funny because Loki will have been sharp and competent throughout the show so far, so him losing his cool and failing the plan is unexpected.

Instead of the Tempad breaking for absolutely no reason, they argue over where to go/ how to use it. This leads to them both having a hand at accidentally destroying it because of self interest and refusing to work together. It illustrates again that they are stronger together but in conflict they are their own worst enemy (much like Loki in general which ties into a bigger metaphor for all his shortcomings).

Expanding on the magic thing, Sylvie and Loki through the series learn from each other. Loki can teach her some of his magic, and Slyvie can teach him enchantment (which he’s read about but never really mastered, although he approaches learning it like any other spell).

Loki could show her an illusion of Asgard as he remembers it. And in doing so we see that both of them long for it. Because for all Loki has claimed to renounce it, he misses home, and he and the audience see the same thing in Sylvie.

I think it would be interesting for Sylvie to let him enchant her, and we can see one of her memories. Maybe it’s when she was taken, maybe it’s on the run, maybe it’s a happy place, but it gives us insight into her character and past. I’m on the fence if Slyvie should enchant Loki, but if she did I’d pick them accidentally going back to the day Odin took him (which is how we deal with the icy blue elephant in the room that the writers refuse to tackle). Let Loki be conflicted and angry and unsure how he feels about it. This could once again be a moment where Loki and Sylvie connect because it’s (I’m assuming) where both their stories began. It’s a mirror of both of their origins, and she helps him see some good in that.

In the void (which is renamed something else so as to not get confused with the void™ that Loki fell into in Thor 2011) Loki learns from and connects with his other variants. They all have a point to being there, and he starts to reflect on what makes him him and what role he wants to play now.

When Sylvie and Mobius show up they agree on the plan to kill Aliyoth, either because it will stop anyone else from being killed by the TVA, or because they think he is guarding the entrance to whoever is behind everything.

Loki later asks Sylvie if she had a Thor. She did but probably doesn’t remember him much. What she does remember, she tells him. Through talking to both Classic Loki and Sylvie it’s recognized that he does miss his brother, that all Loki’s do, and that they are constants meant to aid each other and fight and suffer but always be brothers in any universe.

When they finally fight Aliyoth Loki summons new armor/his helm. Along with Kid Loki giving him Laevateinn, each Loki also gives him something to remember them or aid in their quest (yay Loki solidarity!). When I say this I mean daggers! Daggers dear gods have one of them give him daggers, boy needs some knives.

When they realize they can’t kill him, Sylvie has the idea to use enchantment. Like in the show, Sylvie can’t do it on her own and so they join hands and combine their powers together, revealing the Citadel beyond. They look at each other and agree that they have to move forward.

“Do we trust each other?”

“We do.”

Inside the Citadel we have Kang himself make the offer to give them what they wish. Sylvie can get the life that was stolen from her. Loki could be offered a Throne, he could be offered to be the first born, or to be a true Æsir, or kill Thanos, but ultimately he denies. He’s realized throughout the show that he’d rather be different, he’d rather be him, and he won’t settle for a fantasy world that isn’t real.

The message is about choice, about free will, chaos. Every choice you make directly results in who you become, every action changes how your story goes, and Loki understands that no one has the right to limit that.

In this it is Sylvie though, who is tempted. She has been on a quest for revenge her whole life, she never had a home, doesn’t remember feeling loved, and in the end it is a fight against temptation, and Loki knows all about that.

They fight each other, and break their vow of trust because ultimately they are each other but they are also different. They clash until Loki is able to talk her down, to relate to her, to show that he “just wants her to be okay” and reaffirms her goal. Kang of course continues to be self assured in his predictions. I’d imagine here is where we could get a declarative sort of speech like “I am Loki, God of Mischief,” They join hands “and no one tells our story” or… something to that affect.

Loki and Sylvie fight to destroy Kang together, and here we discover that if he is killed the multiverse opens, and the war of his variants will begin anew. We see flashbacks of Kang’s past and variants played out, and how he came to be at the citadel. Sylvie can talk about why it’s better to have chaos than to sanitize history and kill in the name of the greater good.

The show ends with the death of Kang and the splintering of the timelines. With Sylvie and Loki looking out the window into the fracturing strands of time.

Other changes and thoughts

Tone: the tone I’d imagine this would take on is possibly a bit more serious than the canon show. While it’s still comedy, it would be much less cartoonish, and generally fit in with the rest of the MCU a little easier.

In relation to Mobius:

Mobius’s crisis of faith would be a long time coming. Throughout the show we see him hesitate more and more to do as the TVA asks, and have an increasingly harder time justifying their actions. Learning that the whole thing is a lie is simply the tipping point that drives him to act.

In his confrontation with Renslayer he’d be a lot more driven/succinct. If he wants the TVA to burn then he wants the TVA to burn. He sees the wrongness in it’s entirety and attempts to convince Renslayer the same thing. When it’s clear that she is unreachable/ still sure of her mission, they come to an impasse. They each threaten to prune the other, parallel and matched on opposite sides of their belief. Ultimately though, neither can go through with it, and (if we’re sticking mostly with the canon ending) she leaves through a time door to who knows when to search for who knows what and Mobius and B15 regroup.

In relation to the other Loki’s:

I’m still on the fence how many Loki’s would be played by Tom, but I think the answer is, if not almost all, then at least more than we got.

Each Loki should read as distinctly Loki in essence. Less comic easter eggs and more focus on understanding the established canon character. Even greater in this scene though is the focus on the theme of choice. If there’s time we could learn what choices led up to each variant being apprehended, and see just a bit of how they feel about it. It’s about how our choices dictate who we become, rather than pre-set paths of completely separate realities and lives to our Loki’s.

I love Classic Loki’s speech about how it’s their destiny to play a certain part and if they try and change it the TVA stops them. I’d like our Loki, while conflicted about if he can truly change, to be motivated to try and finally brake the chains that have always restricted him (first his father, then Thanos, now the TVA). I also think here is where we could talk about how abrupt their end is ‘meant’ to be. That he was working on being better, that he had apparently helped his people and reconciled with his brother. That not only was his life cut short, but that the finality of that conclusion wasn’t truly the only way, but simply decided for him.

In relation to themes:

“What makes a Loki a Loki?” Is a question that should loom in the background of the whole series. Starting with Mobius’s interrogation when he’ll begin questioning his place in the universe and his understanding of himself, and ending with the finale confrontation with Kang where he’ll answer it.

“No one bad is ever truly bad, and no one good is ever truly good.” Is similarly something I think should have been a continued focus. Loki is considered a morally grey character and a chaos god, and thus none of his actions are black and white. Others may try and decide who he is at his core, but fundamentally the conclusion is not about deciding to be a hero, but deciding to be true to yourself and doing better.

“The banality of evil” in relation to the TVA. It’s clear from the first ten minutes of the actual show that the TVA is corrupt, unjust, and unnatural in their cleansing of the multiverse… so lean into it! I’m not necessary talking about changing much here, just that the narrative framing displays their actions as deplorable as they are.

“Glorious Purpose” is um… not something I think needed to be the main focus here. I might be biased because I buy into the theory that “you were made to be ruled” “freedom is life’s greatest lie” and “I am burdened with glorious purpose” are messages that have been somewhat impressed upon him rather than beliefs he came to realize on his own, but I do think it was somewhat oversimplified and overused in the series.

You are the writer of your own story. This is the message I expected the show to end with, and it’s what I’m personally trying to convey through these musings. This story ends with Loki taking back his destiny, forging a new one, connecting with himself and others and helping to free the timelines. He’s not the worst things he’s ever done, he’s not a villain, he’s not a benevolent hero. Loki is just Loki, Sylvie is just Sylvie, and you are just you, whoever we decide to be (that was cheesy I’m sorry).

#Loki series rewrite #loki series critical #I’m going to regret posting this #not technically negativity but tagging just in case #loki series negativity #i feel like either no one will read this or only very rude people will 😅#oh boy #loki series #this is a load of shit but after the writing in the show I refuse to be embarrassed #Loki #jazzy’s thinking too much again

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writernotwaiting · 3 years

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Loki Meta Nobody Asked For, part 3--All MCU Lokis are AU fan fiction Lokis

There is so much in part 3 that I really wanted to see and I very much want to celebrate, but once again, I am conflicted.

Ok. Good things: Loki and his magic. Loki and fighting. Loki and improvisation. Loki as bisexual. Loki talking about his mother. Loki showing a moral compass.

All of these are Most Excellent Things: • Loki here is finally not a de-powered pushover. His illusions are effective. He teleports over a short distance. He resists Sylvie’s mind control. He stops a multi-ton support tower from falling and pushes it back up into place!!!! • He fights effectively--finally! Granted, his dagger misses its mark, but he was drunk, so I’ll give him a pass on that. Aside from that, he finally shows us some highly effective hand-to-hand combat skills. Thankyouverymuch for acknowledging that Loki survived a millennia of life in a warrior culture. He was raised by a warrior king. His brother is a Hero(tm). There’s no way he didn’t learn some skillz. His ineffective fighting in episode 2 can easily be attributed to the fact that he was pulling his punches when he was fighting the human shields Silvie possessed. • Loki’s character explicitly acknowledged their queerness!!!! This makes my little queer heart glow bright, and I think needs no more comment. Just . . . yesssss! • Loki loves his mom. Loki is conflicted about that relationship because They Lied To Him. And did I mention that Loki speaks wistfully about his mother and a bit about the fact he was adopted and no one told him until he already pretty much found out (in the most awkward way ever). Even Sylvie thought that was pretty poor parenting. Good stuff. • Loki really doesn’t want to kill innocent bystanders and only attacks folks who attack him first. He is also kind of appalled to hear that the TVA workers are all variants who’ve had their minds wiped. Again, this is all excellent, and fits well with the Loki we met in Thor I who just really wanted to make sure his war-mongering brother didn’t sit on the throne until he grew up a bit, and then Everything Got Way Out of Control. • We see Smart!Loki in action, as opposed to hear Mobius flatter Loki to get him to cooperate. While one of Loki’s attempts at deception fails miserably, the other works (with Sylvie’s help). This is all excellent and made me Very Happy Indeed!

[more below the break]

I also very much liked many parts of his interactions with Sylvie, and the fact that we got a tiny bit of her backstory (and I love her insistence on her own identity--this is very much I think a Loki thing, “I am not you. I am my own thing, thank you very much”). This relationship has a great deal of potential for complexity and depth. I am totally here for enemies to frenemies to allies if that’s where the series is going.

I like the reveal that the TVA agents are all variants themselves who have been “wiped” and indoctrinated. We are finally getting more obvious hints at the insidiousness of the TVA.

So why am I still conflicted about the series? Well, here is what I did not like: • Loki’s improvisation with the old woman--he had too little information to pull off an effective scam like that and he would have known that. He had a photograph. A black and white photograph--no voice, no personality, no coloration, no body language; he didn’t even know if the picture really was one of a husband and not some other type of relation. There was no way it would ever work. He should have known that. Loki would have known that. • His voice and body language when he pretended to be a guard was stupid and unconvincing, not mimicry. That was a joke. • The getting drunk thing. I found this not only disappointing but insulting and also possibly lazy on the part of the writers. It felt completely out of character. In fact, Sylvie felt much more “Loki-ish” in this scene than Loki did. I just cannot in any universe see Loki doing anything like this under these conditions. They are undercover in a high-pressure situation in which they are about to be wiped out of existence if they fuck things up, and Loki decides to get drunk? No. This is a virtually suicidal loss of control. They have no idea how long they would be on that train or what they would have to deal with later. They have no idea what sort of security is in place on the train. Why did they even stop in a bar, of all places? Why not find a sleeper car and stay out of the way? For that matter, why not just find seats? Why would a guard be sitting in a booth at a bar with a prisoner? They wouldn’t. Loki’s sense of self-preservation is stronger than that. He’s smarter than that. It was stupid and out of character and also unnecessary--there are so many other ways they could have gotten them shoved off that train that did not involve Loki making a spectacle of himself. It was, in fact, a very Thor thing to do, not Loki-like at all. • I still feel as though Tom is over-emoting in all of the scenes that are less than life-or-death. It does not feel like the Loki I met in Thor I and The Avengers. That Loki had a length of re-bar up his spine and only genuinely smiled when he looked at Thor (when Thor was smiling).

I feel like Tom is playing two Lokis in the show--the one that fights his way out of tight spots and occasionally deals with his difficult family issues, and the other is a parody of mischief!Loki--whose face is extremely emotive and who wants to bare his soul to whomever looks vaguely as though they’ll listen to him.

So, here’s my mid-series conclusion. All MCU Lokis are fan fiction Loki’s of the comics. Among those MCu fan fics are three distinct AUs.

1. The Loki we meet in Thor I, The Avengers, and Thor II. This Loki works hard to bury his emotions. His body language is generally stiff and prickly. He is the product of growing up in a culture that is driven by a toxic masculinity and devalues those traits that are coded “feminine” such as all of those things Loki excels at. Because of this, he has gotten the message his entire life that he is with less that the Golden Child that is Thor. He loves his brother with all his soul but resents him because his father placed them in competition with one another. All of this was reinforced by growing as the “tag-along” little brother who was tolerated but not embraced by Thor’s closest friends. This Loki becomes self-destructive and suicidal, experiencing a psychotic break as a result of revelations about his adoption and internalized racism. He spends who-knows-how-long falling through the void enduring perhaps months of sensory deprivation only to be tortured and manipulated by Thanos. He emerges from that experience Truly Fucked Up, stopped of much of his power because he’s had the living shit kicked out of him. But his core self is still there somewhere--a core self that loves his brother, that craves affection, that really hates what Asgard has done to him but still has a moral compass in there somewhere that says wiping out the entire universe is a bad thing and I guess protecting helps humans is something he ought to do since his brother loves them.

2. The Loki we meet in Ragnarok and IW. This isn’t really the same guy as Loki #1. It’s a fan fiction AU in which Loki has no trauma to deal with. He is a manipulator. But he is a manipulator because he is a survivor. He does what he has to do in order to be not dead, and if he can also have some luxury while he does it, well, that’s a bonus. Theoretically, he is a powerful mage--since he was able to overcome Odin and place him in a nursing home--but we don’t see any of that on screen. He is revered Mostly Harmless by the narrative. There is no re-bar up his ass. His body language is much more loose and emotive. His characterization has been flattened out in order to serve as a narrative foil for Thor, and will be bridged in IW to serve Thor’s character development (yet another feminization of his character). Many people really enjoyed this version of Loki. But let’s be clear, he isn’t the same Loki we met in the other three movies.

3. The TVA Loki. This Loki is a new fan fiction. A third AU. This Loki is slightly closer to Loki #1 in that his characterization is a bit more complex than Loki #2. He is smarter. He is more versatile and powerful. He has a backstory that isn’t being mocked. His queerness is not being used to villain-code him. But it would be wrong to say he’s the same Loki that we saw in the first three movies. This Loki’s trauma is all family-related, which great, at least they acknowledge that.

However, he clearly is not the PTSD!Loki that we see in TDW. They have decided (at least so far) to completely ignore what happens between Thor I and The Avengers. I’m not quite sure why it’s ok to deal with trauma when it’s Bucky Barnes and Tony Stark, but not ok when it’s Loki, but this is the decision the director made, and if I want to enjoy the show, I have to be ok with that. So that’s what I’m going to do right now. The Loki show is fan fiction. It’s an AU. And it does a pretty good job at doing that.

#Loki series #Loki spoilers #meta #also posting on Ao3

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naferty · 4 years

Text

Tony wakes up groggy, disoriented and with no recollection of where he is. At first, he thinks his room, but his room isn’t as white or spotless or has a strong sterilizing smell. It hurts his head just smelling it. Or maybe that’s just his head hurting in general from waking up somewhere unknown with no recollection of it.

He finds Rhodey sitting next to him, holding his hand and looking at his phone with his other. When Tony squeezes it Rhodey looks up and is relieved to see him awake.

“Tones,” he moves to sit on the bed. “How are you feeling?”

Tony frowns in thought. His head hurts and there’s a bit of throbbing pain in his left leg, but other than that it’s not too bad to warrant Rhodey’s concern.

“My leg hurts,” he admits, voice cracking. Rhodey quickly grabs the cup of water and a straw. Tony inhales the liquid in like a scorched animal in a desert.

“What happened?” he tries again, grateful his voice didn’t nearly send him into a coughing fit.

“What’s the last thing you remember?” Rhodey moves strands of hair away from his eyes.

“I don’t - I don’t know.”

“That’s okay, that’s okay. Take your time. No hurry.”

Tony works his brain to remember something. Anything. The last thing he recalls is welcoming a new student to the academy. Hellcat if he remembered the name correctly. Something about hell and a cat is somehow involved. Sounded about right. After that, nothing. He had been with Pepper welcoming her, returned back to his tower and then he woke up in this bed with a headache and Rhodey next to him.

That had been in… August? Or sometime around there.

“We were welcoming new people. Hellcat? Daredevil?”

Rhodey frowns. Not a good look and not a good sign. “That’s what you remember?”

“Yeah, why? Did something happen?” Tony gives the room a quick scan. “Why am I here and why does my leg hurt?”

Rhodey squeezes his hand. “You got hurt, Tones. Got taken down while flying. Your suit took a lot of the damage but your leg still got nicked. Stress fracture. Not too bad considering everything. You’ll be getting a cast for it, though. Hope you’re ready.”

“Only if you carry me.”

“No carrying on my end. Someone else has that covered now.”

“Aww, Honey Bear, I don’t want anyone else carrying me but you. You know that.”

Rhodey shook his head. “Not these days, Tones. The honor of carrying around your ass goes to someone else now. Someone, I might add, that you absolutely love being carried by.”

“What are you talking about?” Tony lifts himself up to sit upright. Hurt like hell but now he’s able to get a better view of Rhodey. He notices his best friend has more of his War Machine suit on than usual. Where before he had been getting used to it. Now he’s wearing it with the same confidence as Tony does his own.

Not only that, but he can also almost swear that Rhodey looks a bit older now. He can’t put a finger on it, but somehow Rhodey looks as if a fair amount of time had gone by. A bit bulkier. Strong posture.

Where the hell as his Platypus been training recently for him to gain those muscles so fast?

“Well, uh,” Rhodey scratches his head. A nervous habit. A very telling tell. “There’s no easy way to say this.”

“Say what?” Oh shit, did something really bad happen besides him breaking his leg and not remember? Did whoever he had been fighting with do something to him? Run off with his spleen or kidney? Stolen his fridge of cheese? Hacked into his systems and stolen everything?

“Tones, what year is it?”

Tony blinked. Oh… crap. Usually, people only ask that question when memory loss is involved. Did his head get injured in the fall? How many years has he lost? It can’t be too many since Rhodey still looks more or less the same and it seems like they’re still in the Academy.

“It’s twenty-sixteen,” he says, fear slowly growing as his mind ran through scenarios after scenarios of what he could be missing from memory.

“Crap,” Rhodey rubs his forehead. Not a good sign. Never a good sign. “It’s okay, it’s okay, not too bad. Memory loss happens. Nothing we can’t handle together.”

“Honey Bear, what year is it?” His heart rate starts going faster. He’s terrified of the possibility of so much time going by and not remembering any of it.

“Tones, calm down. It’s not too bad. It’s twenty-nineteen. Only three years. We can handle this.”

“Three?” Tony repeats. Sure three doesn’t sound like a large number but it’s years! So much could happen in one year let alone three.

Rhodey hugs him. “Hey, it’s okay. We’ll handle this together. I mean it. Not much has changed. We’re still in the Academy. It just has more students than before. You’ll run into a lot of new faces but it’ll be okay. You’ve made a lot of improvements on your armor and mine. You’ll get used to it again. I’ll help every step of the way.”

Tony takes deep breaths. It’s all easy to say, but it’s still a lot of time taken away. People change. Is he still friends with Pepper? What about Jan? Loki? Do people who used to tolerate him hate him now? Is he still helping around in the Academy or has Nick kicked him out of board meetings?

As if knowing exactly what he’s thinking, Rhodey tells him, “Pepper was here earlier, but she got called away. I’m sure she’ll be back soon. Jan couldn’t skip another class. It’s Thursday. She’s already skipped all day yesterday. Couldn’t do another.”

Rhodey pulls away. “You know Loki wouldn’t be caught dead caring for someone where everyone can see. He’s getting updates from Jan, but he does occasionally skulk around here.”

“Oh,” that answers some. What about the others? “Anything big happened?”

“A bit,” Rhodey admits. “Besides the Academy’s weekly attacks, some big events have happened. Nothing that’s changed your life too much, though.”

Tony exhales. Doesn’t sound too bad.

“Jarvis has a body now.”

He blinks. “...what?”

“Jarvis has a body now,” Rhodey repeats slower. Hands out and at the ready to catch him should he fall at the news. “Walking, talking body with working arms and everything. It’s really cool. You’re really proud of it.”

“He… he has a body?!” That’s… that’s incredible! Jarvis has always behaved like a person, even with his digital coding, and Tony has always considered him as an individual all his own. Sassy, sarcastic, but still loyal and humble. Jarvis getting a body? That’s got to be the greatest thing that’s happened to him, and Tony can’t even remember it!

It absolute sucks.

“Where is he? The body, I mean.” Jarvis is always with him, but physically? Where is that?

“In the tower preparing everything for you. Make it cast friendly,” Rhodey gives his left leg a pointed stare.

“Okay, is that everything?”

His eyes go back to Tony. For a millisecond Tony can see them land somewhere on his shoulder before they go to his face. It’s enough for Tony to shakily raise his left hand to touch it. His shirt is thin enough to feel everything underneath. Nothing out of the ordinary on his shoulder but when he runs it over his neck he stops. The skin under his fingers isn’t as smooth as his shoulders. Marks are present. Barely noticeable really. Faded but still there. Located where one would place a bite to mark a mate.

Rhodey knows the moment he realizes what it means. He gives rapid nods in confirmation. “Yeah, it’s exactly what you think.”

“I got mated?” Tony nearly screams in hysterics because - holy shit!

“Not fully mated,” Rhodey is quick to correct. “You haven’t signed marriage licenses or had any kind of wedding. You marked each other to keep people off you. You’ll get officially hitched once you’re both ready. At least that’s what you’ve told me.”

“Off me?” That’s a very odd reason for it. Who would even be on him anyway? Tony has no suitors, no interests in him. Did he somehow offend someone and they’re sicking people on him? Is the mark meant to do damage control for it? “Did I screw up and pissed off someone?”

Rhodey’s mouth falls open. “What - no! What? - how did you come to - no, of course not! Shit, Tones, how can you come to the worst conclusions?”

“Doesn’t the worst usually happen?” He doesn’t mean to sound pitiful. It just sort of happens.

Story of his life.

“Not recently, no.” Rhodey puts a hand on his shoulder. “Yes, you get the short end of the stick sometimes - actually, you get it a hell of a lot more times than I’d like, but it’s not every day and certainly not for this. This mark,” he points to it, “you have this because you and your mate just happen to have the hots for each other.”

“Just the hots? That’s not encouraging,” Tony looks down. “So it’s a temporary thing.” Once this quick hot honeymoon phase is over they’ll separate no doubt.

“You both call it love but I’m not about to feed that disgusting fire you have going. You both need to cool it with the affection. It’s traumatizing some of us.”

“Who am I even mated to?” The million-dollar question. Who ended up getting stuck with him? Who did he manage to convince to give him a try? From what he remembers, no one he knows has really caught his eye. In and outside of the Academy. No one, except for a certain Captain that he may or may not have had a crush on since his childhood. Odds are pretty low, the bottom of the barrel low, that Steve is his mysterious mate.

Oh, but how strong he could hope.

When Rhodey doesn’t answer right away Tony asks again. “Who’s - who’s my mate, Platypus? A new face? Someone outside the Academy? Who’s the unlucky person?”

“I don’t think he considers himself unlucky mating you, and don’t talk about my best friend like that.” Rhodey gives him a playful hit. “He’s a good guy. Don’t disrespect.”

“I love you, too.”

“Careful he doesn’t hear you say that. He’s a possessive asshole.”

“So a guy,” that doesn’t narrow down the list much but it is surprising. Tony really thought he’d get a girlfriend, but turns out he went and got a boyfriend instead.

Howard would be so proud of him for proving that right. ‘Why have a broad when you’ll probably be the broad?’

He didn’t know how to feel if he ended up mating to a male alpha. With the posturing and the aura of dominance he couldn’t create just waiting to be smacked across his face everyday, taunting him. Howard did always say he was a sorry excuse of an alpha. Better suited to be another alpha’s... well, you know.

At least he and this guy love each other, right?

“Who’s this guy?”

“Well, it’s -”

“I’m here! I’m here! Tony?” A voice interrupts. From outside the door, in came the one and only Steve Rogers. He’s breathing heavy and looks like he ran a marathon getting here but he’s smiling. Large and shining. “You’re awake.”

“Hi, Steve,” Tony says. It’s all he can think of saying. He honestly didn’t expect Steve to be here. They’re not exactly close from what he remembers.

Steve’s about to say more but Rhodey quickly stops him, dragging him back out the room and the two proceed to have a very hushed conversation. So hushed that Tony can’t guess what they’re talking about, but he does hear a very clear but very hurt, “oh” at the end. Then the two don’t realize their voices have gotten louder.

“Yeah.”

“So he doesn’t remember.”

“No. Sorry, Steve.”

“Now what?”

“We help him. Any way we can.”

“Would I be of any help, though? I’ll just cause problems.”

“Will you be able to keep away?”

“...no, I won’t.”

“He may not remember, but he still cares for you. Always has. Just gotta help him fall in love with you all over again.”

Hold on. One. Second.

Fall in love?

All over again?

Him?

With Steve??

When?

How?

Tony stops breathing.

The two return. Their hushed conversation over. Tony must be bug-eyed as he stares at them.

Steve stops in front of his bed. “Hey, Tony. I -”

“I mated you?!”

His shouting surprises the two. “Oh, you heard that?” Steve says.

Tony is speechless. It’s not a denial. Meaning, it could be very much true. He’s mated to Steve?

“Yeah, I’m you’re mate. Two years now. Could’ve been near three but you’re very stubborn,” the famous omega says so freely. As if being mated to Tony isn’t the worst thing in the world for him. “Rhodey told me you don’t remember anything in the last three years. So you don’t remember our time together?”

No, I - no.”

“Okay,” Steve looks down. Hurt. “I understand if you want me away while you heal -”

“No,” Tony says rather quickly. “I mean - help me understand. How did we end up together? How did I win you? No - shit, that came out wrong. You’re not a prize. You’re a hero and an icon. I just don’t get how I got this lucky.”

Steve has a smile. It’s small, but it’s there. “I don’t know about you being lucky. I think I’m the luckier one here. If you have to know, it took a lot of work on my part. It also took a lot of help from your friends. You’re really determined to ignore the signs right in front of you, Love.”

Tony makes a choking noise. Steve just called him Love. Steve Rogers just called him love! He couldn’t believe it. This is all a dream. It has to be. He’s never this lucky.

“Tony?” Steve frowns and moves around the table. Closer to him. He reaches a hand out. Rubs a thumb under his eye. “Honey, you’re crying.”

Is he? Steve pulls his thumb away. Glistening from a tear. Oh, looks like he is.

“I’m just overwhelmed,” he inhales, “and in pain.”

“Your leg?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll go get the nurse.” Steve turns to do just that but Tony grabs his arm before he can take the first step.

“Wait. Stay. Please?”

“I’ll get her,” Rhodey offers and walks out the room, leaving them alone.

Steve sits on the bed. He grabs hold of his hand. “Okay, I’ll stay. I won’t go anywhere.”

“Thank you.” With his shirt, Tony wipes away the tears. “Could you - could you tell me how it happened? How did we -?”

“Get together?” The omega pipes in.

“Yeah. I just don’t believe it. Feels like a dream.”

“You better believe it, Mister. This is no dream and I worked really hard to get you. I’m not letting go.”

Tony laughs. It’s so surreal to hear Steve say that. For him of all people!

“Okay, while we wait for Jim let me tell you about the first time I tried asking you out. A lot of people got upset about it and trust me, it wasn’t because I was trying to get off the market.”

#text post #long text post #naferty writes #stony #stevetony #tony & rhodey #he's my alpha au #a/b/o dynamics #alpha tony stark #omega steve rogers #another attempt at waking up and forgetting who your mate is #but a happier outcome!#avac #avac stony

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ninjakitty15 · 3 years

Text

Chapter 19: Good Impressions (Loki x OFC Pairing)

I looked in the mirror and couldn't help but grin widely, baring my teeth even as a sense of giddiness filled me. It was very rarely I ever actually dressed up or even really did much to prepare for an upcoming battle beyond gathering power, planning and making sure I had all my war ducks in a row, this was extra but it was the good kind in my opinion.

"You know...I read that the Spartans, the fiercest ancient warriors our world had at one point, would pretty themselves up before battle and spies from enemy lines that caught them doing that would overestimate them. Apparently real men don't wear makeup into a war," I told Loki who walked up behind me, watching me check myself out. "Funny thing is in this country and probably a lot of other countries today have this thing called war paint which might not make them look fabulous like a Spartan but it might as well be makeup as it's primarily worn on their face."

"I remember the Spartans, Odin was impressed by their tactics and way of life, especially their stand against the Persians, the odds weren't in their favor and yet somehow they gave them hell before defeat," Loki recalled.

"Quality over quantity," I added. "Those people were literally born to be warriors, only the strong babies survived the first of many tests they were forced into." I combed a hand through my hair, considered messing it but decided against it. "I used to be more of a silk or velvet kinda girl but I gotta tell ya, I'm really digging the leather. It's fashionable, it's sexy even, and it's pretty decent armor, I mean it's no breastplate or Kevlar vest but those are a bit too obvious and that's the last thing we want right now." I took a few swaggering steps, glancing at my backside curiously to see how it all fit together.

"You're enjoying this entirely too much," he mused.

"I know it hasn't been that long since we met, but are you really surprised at this point?"

"No, not really. How long are you gonna fawn over yourself in the mirror before we actually put this plan into motion?"

"Relax, I got this. I just gotta get a few things down pat before we jump head first into this oncoming shit storm." I grinned again. "What's the hurry?"

He watched me, a glint of amusement in his eyes as he shook his head at my antics. "You got the smile right and I'm not sure how you were able to copy my walk so quickly but the humor needs to change if you insist on chattering before things get started."

"But...humor is why I'm still kicking," I protested. "And it's a far cry from your own, which mind you I'm glad you have any at all, some other gods can't seem to grasp that concept despite being eons old. Still, it's a lot more...eloquent than I'm used to."

"Then perhaps don't say anything at all."

"And leave you to do all the talking, hell to the no, spank you very much."

"What's wrong with me doing the talking for once?" he crossed his arms in challenge and arched an eyebrow, daring me to answer.

I gave the god an unapologetic and unamused look. "I'm not the only one that's been muzzled here, maybe your brother was onto something when he did it to you."

"How dare you? You take that back right now!"

"Or what? Whatcha gonna do, huh? Take your shot, green boy, you got me deadbang."

The sound of someone clearing their throat loudly interrupted our usual bickering match and we both turned to see a half amused half arachnid smirking at us with his unnaturally muscular arms crossed as well. "You know this is technically playing with yourself, right? I mean if that's the case, could you get a room that isn't the only bathroom in the apartment, please?"

"How long since this plan was in motion did you wanna use that joke?" I teased the kid.

Peter shrugged and pretended to look bashful but now that he too was throwing in dirty jokes, the facade of him being an innocent kid was now out the window. "You sure I can't tag along?"

"Kid, you got your own enemies to fight and this might be a bit above your skillset which means if you tag along theres much less chance of you coming back."

"But you could just bring me back yourself, right?"

I scowled at his optimism. "Doesn't work that way, I only bring back the ones that can't pass on on their own and want another chance at tying up loose ends, and you better not be one of those people, you're a kid, which goes against my personal code of bringing back zombie kids, that's just fucking depressing having an army of rotting midgets."

Peter sighed in despair and slumped his shoulders. "I never get to do anything fun."

I rolled my eyes at his whining. "I'd also be held responsible for letting you come with and I kinda don't want to be hunted down by a team of go getters and fancyass technology, no spank you. I already have Hydra for the latter. So do me a favor, sit your five dollar ass down, before I make change."

Peter scoffed at my implied threat but stopped bugging me, it might have been his plan that could get the odds in our favor but it sure as hell wasn't his fight and I had no intention of dragging another cute super powered person into my personal vendetta. "Aunt May says you can come back anytime, just give one of us a heads up next time...and maybe something that gets black bloodstains off any surface just in case."

I would've blanched if I wasn't pale already. "Oh no, did I ruin something, I can pay for that."

"No no, just, I think she thinks you'd only come here if you're in trouble like you were this time and she's worried you might miss a spot next time if that's the case, normal blood you can just use hydrogen peroxide, but I'm not too sure it works on corpse blood."

"Noted and tell her thanks for everything, same goes for you of course since you were the one to let us in before she agreed to it. And also not informing the A team, that's important...you didn't tell them right?"

"Not like they take me all that seriously or even answer my calls if I did," Peter muttered. "You're all good there, promise."

"Excellent! You stay sharp and cute, the second either of that fails, you're fucked."

"Thanks, I think."

"Right then." I turned to Loki with another smirk. "How's this for a first impression?" I asked in smooth sorta British sorta something else accent.

He scowled at me but couldn't complain it seemed. "I'm getting the sense you've been working on that before this came to pass."

"Anyone can do an Avenger impression, hell anyone can wear their costumes, right Peter? But I'm not about the hero life, so why waste time on them when I've been giving it all to you?"

Loki was silent at this and it was Peter that actually responded to me. "That was actually really sweet."

"You say that like it's a surprise, physically dead here, not emotionally dead, thank you. My heart hadn't reached that stage where it becomes calcified like a fetus that won't leave its womb."

"You always have the oddest choice of metaphors," muttered Loki. "So you have the walk, the voice, the smile even though I'm not sure that's even necessary at this point."

"When are you going to prepare for the plan then?" I challenged. "Go on, see how well you know your part."

"Don't you worry about my side of the plan, I've been doing this sort of thing for the sheer fun of it long before you decided to do it out of sheer boredom."

I snorted and rolled my eyes at him. "Yes, we're all very aware of your old age, you don't have to remind us like we have to remind you, old man."

"Ye of little faith," he mocked, earning a bar of soap flying at his face he was lucky enough to duck. "Your aim needs improvement."

"I'm sorry, did you actually want to be hit in the head by something solid and hard and not a pillow, because I missed on purpose, you cotton headed ninny-muggins."

"Seriously, is all you two do bicker at each other?" asked Peter.

"Well I mean you wouldn't let us have any real adult fun while we crashed here so we gotta get that pent up energy out somehow, right?" I reasoned.

"She's not wrong," Loki agreed.

"Besides, no one's getting hurt from it, I'm convinced this is our own special way of showing we love each other without being a bunch of saps. I'm 99 things but a sap ain't one."

"What's wrong with being affectionate?" asked Peter, almost sounding offended.

"That implies I have more emotions than I'm willing to admit to anyone including myself, I'm generally not ok with having that much feels." I grinned, slicked back my hair again before doing a little dance for funsies.

"I'd refrain from doing that little jig when the plan's in full swing," warned Loki though he was still smiling in amusement.

"Oh but I like this," I purred with the accent again.

The smirk on his own face twisted, like I said something that somehow offended him and all his ancestors and pissed him off or deeply upset him. "Don't make me take it away from you till right before the fight starts."

"Oh come on, maybe you just need to hug it out and join the fun, bring it in, big guy." I opened my arms wide for emphasis. "There's no better love than self love."

He rolled his eyes at my stellar pun and green magic rolled over him as he changed into character. "I bet you were just dying to make that joke."

I stared at him and it was my turn to glare. "Was that your attempt at a dead joke? Oh hun, you gotta do better than that to fit the bill."

"Don't patronize me, woman, I wasn't even trying then."

I walked over and patted his cheek just to mess with him. "Sure you weren't. Do me a favor and work on that but also turn around for me."

"Why?"

"Just...do it."

He did begrudgingly and I frowned upon studying his form thoroughly before he faced me again. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, you got it right, it's just...I didn't realize it looked like that and now I'm suddenly an insecure teenager. Peter, is this how you feel all the time because, dude, this really sucks and I feel for ya."

"You say that like you were never one yourself," Peter noted.

"I know I was but like, I don't remember what it was like then, I couldn't tell you what I was like as a teen."

"Why not?"

"No memory of it, at all."

"You mean like it was so long ago that you can't remember that far back or lots of stuff happened during it so fast that it's all a blur."

"I mean it's not even accessible, it's gone from my mind completely."

Peter frowned, probably trying to understand what I was getting at. "Amnesia?"

"Mindwipe."

"Like Bucky Barnes?"

"No, that's brainwashed...wait, those do sound synonymous, damn, hadn't even thought about that. Brainwashed is basically having your mind overridden and reprogrammed, there's memories there but they're not real ones. Mindwiped is just nothing there to reprogram at all."

"Did Hydra do that too?"

"No, Hydra can't touch this, something they need to have programmed in their heads for all the times they tried and failed any of their aims when they had me. I can't tell you the who, but I can tell you it was painless and done willingly and without regret."

"You chose to have memories taken from you?"

I nodded simply, unable to elaborate as per the deal.

Loki, knowing there was some things I couldn't talk about for reasons he wouldn't know until hopefully later, chose to cut in then. "I think that's enough curiosity for now, we should get going and finish the plan you concocted for us."

I smiled thankfully at Loki and nodded in agreement. "Yes, of course. Parker, if I don't make it back by tomorrow...just wait longer."

"Stop teasing the child, Nell, you could be really testing his patience with your antics and we wouldn't be welcomed back."

"You wouldn't, I would because I'm a delight to be around." I strutted after him anyway and he shook his head and beckoned me out of the bathroom and unfortunately out of the apartment.

"The Hydra agents and people that turned on you would say otherwise."

"The Hydra agents don't even know what joy is, the only time they're smiling is when they think they're about to take over the world and people are dying around them...the traitors are just pussies which means it doesn't take much to make em weep."

"Again with the metaphors."

"Maybe you should start taking some notes, eh? Give you a head start seeing as I'm all caught up on my end, unless you got something to add there?"

"Well you still haven't proven you can get the mannerisms right and mannerisms maketh men."

"But we are not men..."

"No, we're immortals."

#loki fanfiction #loki fanfic #loki romance #avengers #zombies #necromancy #necromancer #loki x oc #loki x original female character #nell the necromancer #loki x nell

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youknow-i-loveit · 3 years

Text

Why I Still Feel Like I Need To Ask Permission Before I Do Anything Ever

Randomly hit with the realization that my parents are still holding me back because they never taught me how to act with autonomy.

They never taught me how to be assertive or how to tell people things.

(They also wrecked my self-esteem, which was pretty horrible to begin with.)

My parents were very “do this because I told you to” authoritarian types who didn’t like to answer questions, and especially hated it when you questioned them. Questioning other authority figures was okay sometimes, depending on who the authority figure was, but my parents wanted to reign over their children with absolute power.

They generally had issues with needing to feel in-control. They didn’t have great role models for what it means to be an authority figure- my mom was the youngest, doted upon and spoiled for being the only girly-girl in the family, and by the time her parents had her (the eighth child), they were exhausted and distant, permissive, laissez-faire parents- and my dad grew up under an abusive military man who routinely beat his children, who used his voice as a weapon, and when he was at work, his wife ruled through manipulation, primarily guilt-tripping. Since my dad was the second of his six brothers, he was considered to have a better idea about how to deal with children, so my mom generally deferred to him, partly because of that, and partly because if my dad didn’t feel like he was in charge, he would make sure everybody felt miserable.

And as they say, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. My dad very much took after his father. He thought he was being toned-down and “gentle,” and bragged all the time about how he had it worse, making it sound like he was going easy on us. He often threatened to act more like his dad. But while I feel bad for him and his brothers and the abuse they endured, that gave him no excuse to abuse us the ways he did.

I could go on and on, but the point is, my parents didn’t know how to be in charge, but they felt that it was their god-given right to be in charge-- literally, they kept throwing “Honor Your Mother And Father” at us from the Ten Commandments.

My parents never admitted to being wrong. In fact, my dad hammered it in that being wrong was shameful and something that none of us should ever, ever do- ignorance was considered shameful, and if we ever dared utter the sentence “I didn’t know,” he would mock us, roar at us, and quite often, make references to that moment for the rest of the day, if not the rest of the week. It took me years to be okay with admitting that I don’t know things. To teach myself that learning should be fun and exciting, and that teaching others new information should be seen as an opportunity, not as a burden.

So my parents are proudly ignorant control freaks with an abusive streak, who want to rule with absolute authority; so far so great right?

My parents were strict Catholics who wanted us to follow their faith. They took us to church every Sunday. They enrolled all of us in Catholic school until they couldn’t afford the tuition anymore. They insulted anyone non-Catholic- even other Christians- calling them stupid and sinners and sometimes even “evil,” and considered anyone who attended Catholic church but didn’t adhere to their beliefs “not true Catholics,” so they were lumped in with the rest of the riffraff who were apparently going to hell.

We were allowed to question authority figures that didn’t adhere to their strict beliefs, and even encouraged to make fun of them, but if we ever dared to question someone who did, my parents informed us with cold, cutting certainty that we were making the wrong choice and were in danger of going to hell ourselves.

We grew up pretty sheltered. Our parents wouldn’t let us participate in most of the fads that swept up everyone else in our peer groups. It didn’t even matter when those peers were all Catholic kids attending our same Catholic school- my parents still thought their parents were making the wrong decisions, and we were effectively isolated from socializing with our peers. For a window into this, consider that I was forbidden from watching or playing Pokemon during the late 1990s. At recess, literally everyone else in my class would “play Pokemon,” whether that meant they were actually playing the trading-card game or whether they were pretending to be characters from the show. Since I wasn’t allowed to participate, I was left alone on the swings, accompanied only by one of the lunch moms who took pity on me. (Her name was Mrs. Stevenson. She was funny. I liked her. For Halloween, she wore an ugly holiday sweater with Froot Loops glued all over it and said she was a ‘cereal killer.’)

We weren’t allowed to watch Sailor Moon, or Rugrats, or Dragon Ball Z. We weren’t allowed to play with Furbies. We were allowed to accept Beanie Babies as gifts, but our parents were too poor to buy us any, so I think the most I had was about six.

We were also (wrongly) informed that people different from us were all stupid. I questioned this from a young age, asking why people were different, but instead of actually answering me, my mom would go “Exactly!” as though that settled that.

So when I asked why African Americans spoke differently or dressed differently or said things like “black pride,” I was told it was because they were entitled and because they thought they were special, but that they were foolish and wrong. It was only later, on my own, that I learned they don’t do these things to set themselves apart from the rest of society out of some weird petty desire to be special and different, but because we stole their culture from them, and they need to reclaim an identity that they can be proud of. The system is stacked against them, so every act of embracing their blackness is an act of rebellion against the system that tries to crush them every day. They speak differently because of where they live, because of history and culture that have shaped their words that way, and if their grammar is improper, that’s most likely due to underfunded school districts, but it could also be code-switching so they fit in with their peers.

And when I asked why anyone would be anything other than Christian if the Bible really was the word of God, and God was real, I was told it was because they’re too stupid or jaded to see the truth. So when my uncle came out as Muslim when I was a teenager, our family ostracized him, berated him, and made fun of him relentlessly behind his back, because we all thought he was stupid. It was years later that I became an atheist and I realized the questioning process he must have gone through, the philosophy he must have studied, the books upon books he must have read, the agonizing introspection he must have endured, all while living under his parents’ roof...

We were told that we were smart. That we were important and special.

But we were also taught that we were constantly on the razor’s edge of being undeserving of love or redemption.

Naturally, this caused me to form strong attachments to characters like Loki, Bucky, and the Beast from Beauty and the Beast- characters who others saw as monstrous, but who seemed worthy of redemption, who didn’t seem to deserve everything that was done to them, even as much as they blamed themselves or got down on themselves sometimes.

The constant messages of “you need to be perfect or else” and “you are a disappointment,” accompanied by my dad’s ridiculously high standards, made me desperate for approval.

I sought favor with my parents nearly every day, but was so often disappointed- especially by my dad. Even when I’d done something I was really proud of, he’d find ways to poke holes in it, talk down to me, call me stupid, and ask something to the effect of why I’d made such a horrible decision.

So I started looking elsewhere.

Friends. Partners. Teachers. Professors. Therapists. Co-workers. Bosses. Other people’s moms. Members of groups I joined. Anywhere I could get it, I was (and still am) constantly thirsty for validation, praise, and approval.

My parents probably weren’t trying to do this, but they taught me to constantly second-guess myself. They taught me that I needed to ask for permission to exist.

One of the things that was brought up over and over again whenever one of us would upset Mom was that “she gave birth to you.” On one memorable occasion, my dad went into graphic detail about how exactly the birthing process worked. He made it sound like some sort of accomplishment, or personal favor, that I should be forever grateful and reverent towards. But I never asked for this. Giving birth was something she couldn’t avoid. I should have never been guilt tripped into feeling like I owed her something for it.

Whenever my dad was a certain flavor of upset, he’d bark “Get out of my sight!” We would flee to some far corner of the house, behind some closed door, and cry where no one could see. In that moment, he had ceased to give permission to exist in his presence.

So when I first came out as trans, I struggled a lot, because I felt like I constantly had to ask everyone around me for permission to be myself.

It’s tragic that, in retrospect, everyone would have respected me a lot more if instead of asking, I had simply told them who I am and then been myself. I should never have felt so timid, so cowed. I should never have felt like I owed anyone an apology for asking them to use my name and my pronouns.

I should have been free to be me.

But when I lived under my parents’ roof, I wasn’t free. I was forced to hide, to pretend. I was forced to let them deadname and misgender me. I was still forced to attend church until I moved out-- I got out of attending weekly mass by pleading that it was detrimental to my mental health, after being forced to attend masses as an atheist for over a year. But in order to keep a roof over my head, I was still forced to attend Christmas and Easter mass every year, and badgered to attend more masses at nearly every opportunity.

I had to lie about who I was dating too. I had to hide all the ups and downs- the euphoria of new crushes and new relationships, the agony and heartbreak of breakups or bumps in the road. I couldn’t ask my parents for advice navigating this extremely important part of my life. Instead I had to figure it all out on my own, and lie, and pretend they were my “friends.”

My parents made me feel as though I couldn’t do anything on my own.

So to this day, I still often feel like I have to ask for help or for moral support in order to get things done. Not everything, but anything that my partner could feasibly be involved in or have any opinion on whatsoever. Filling out forms, looking things up, buying food, scheduling our week.

And anything that I’m not 1000% sure my friends would invite me to, or anything I’m not 1000% sure they want me to do, I’ll hang back on or stay silent. Any sort of physical affection that I’m not 1000% sure is welcome, I’ll hold back on or I won’t even offer, because I’m so scared of rejection or retaliation. Any complaints that I have, I’ll run by someone else first, and sit on for often weeks or months before I bring it up, if I ever bring it up, because I’m so worried that someone’s temper will flare, or that they will grow cold and distant and cut me off from their affection/ attention/ presence.

My parents never taught me how to ask for things.

They never taught me how to tell people things, simple things, like “I’m going to the store,” or “I’m a guy actually,” or say “Oh, you’re going to meet up with a bunch of people I know? Can I come?”

I’m self-taught in a lot of things, but socializing is one of them.

And as I’m sitting here typing this, I’m waiting for my partner, because we have to get through a lot of paperwork and beaurocratic nonsense this week, and even though not all of it strictly needs to involve her, I still feel like I can’t do it on my own.

It’s okay to ask for help. That’s something I’ve had to get used to too.

But sometimes I worry if I ask for too much help. >_<

#personal #abusive parents #hi i'm trans #and bi #and my parents do not like that

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screw-real-life-i-pick-fandoms · 4 years

Text

My Crushes Through the Years

This is going to be kind of a random post. I am probably going to forget some, but this is the general gist. These are in no particular order.

This one is probably obvious but... Tom Hiddleston

I have had a crush on him from age ten and it has not gone way yet and does not look like it will any time soon. lol

Next on the list is Heather from How to Train Your Dragon: Race to the Edge

I have had a crush on her for a while but didn’t realize I was bi yet,(I probably should have barbecue I liked Astrid when I was younger too).

...And speaking of Astrid

Pretty sure I had a bigger crush on her than on Hiccup.

When I was first getting really into anime I did have a crush on Gaara

Not for long but it for sure happened.

L was a crush that took place around the same time

This was also a quick crush, it only last a few mounts.

I could not make this list without putting in Dr. Spencer Reid.

Honestly, out of all of these, he fits with what I want in a partner the most.

This was a shorter length crush but still happened was Armin

This only lasted a few months, but I do remember liking him.

I can’t talk about Tom and not mentioning Loki

I saw Avengers when I was eleven and have been in love ever since.

I am just going to say that Edward Elric owns my heart

I love him so much.

Now for a boy from the HTTYD universe, Hiccup

I so crushed on him when I was younger.

Magnus Martinsson is another of Tom’s characters that I still crush on a bit

He is such a bean. An annoyed bean, but a bean non the less.

OK, I fully believe that Cornelia Li Britannia was part of my bisexual awakening

...Like, OH MY GOSH! I love her!

Eleven to thirteen-year-old-me had a big crush on Dipper Pines

I was like, ah yes, this dork, I like him.

Here is the first of the “older show” crushes, Will Robinson

He is one of the earliest crushes I remember having.

When I developed my crush on Scarlet Witch two years ago is when I excepted

I am, in fact, a bisexual.

Captain Harlock was my first anime (I was four) and one of my first crushes

My dad showed it to me when I was four. Also 2013 CGI Harlock hits different...

Sticking with Leijiverse, my Queen, Emeraldas

I feel like seeing her from a young age is what made me bisexual.

Finally, my main and top anime boy, Lelouch Vi Britannia!

I watched Code Geass when I was eleven and my life has not been the same!

This is just a long winded way of saying my friends are right, I totally have a type I am into. If you made it this far, cool. If you also have/had crushes on any of these people I feel like we would get along and I would very much like to be your friend.

This also shows how sad I am having this many fictional crushes but only having crushes on two people I actually know irl

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dontcallmecarrie · 4 years

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Are you planing on ever making By Dawns Early Light into a full blown story? ... And is Thanos an issue in this AU? I think you havent mentioned him in it so well, I wondered?

UMM. *looks over what I’ve got in that tag, and winces*

geez this thing’s longer than some of my actual fics, when did that happen?

Here’s the thing, though: this AU’s meant to be a writer’s-block-buster. Which, if the current evidence is anything to go by, has been a resounding success.

However.

As of right now it’s just that, a thought-and-snippet-writing exercise, because there’s a lot of things that’d need tweaking before I’d even consider posting it on AO3 [aka my inner perfectionist strikes again].

Again, this is mostly just me messing around with a fluffy tumblr-exclusive [for now, anyway] AU because this feels smaller stakes than if I were to round this up and make it into a full-out fic.

Also, in regards to the second part of your ask: not exactly. By Dawn’s Early Light is, at its core, a fairly fluffy self-indulgent AU, which for me is also code for ‘nobody dies if I can help it’ and ‘if the MCU can have a Gary Stu villain then I can do what I want, Deus Ex Machina-levels of fixits included’.

How? Simple. By nerfing the heck out of him, while also unfridging as many other moms as I can, with a side of I-have-yet-to-forgive-the-writers-for-pulling-this-bs-seriously-what-kind-of-writing-was-that.

Here’s how the entire Thanos situation would go down, in By Dawn’s Early Light (spoilers for a fic I have yet to write):

First, let’s take a step back, shall we? This is, among other things, a timeline-crunch AU. There’s a lot going down in a very compressed time frame [originally just because I wanted Howard to still be around just for Tony to be able to punch him, but now I’m invested in this so time go the full nine yards, buckle up everyone].

So. The entire situation around Maria Stark and Tony and Bucky’s been covered fairly well, but to sum up: when Howard turns out to be an abusive asshole of a husband, his wife smiles at him and promptly turns around and burns both SHIELD and Stark Industries, revealing HYDRA and Obadiah Stane’s double-dealing ahead of schedule [unintentional fixits ftw]. In the chaos, Bucky manages to escape and joins up with Maria and Tony as they go in hiding.

Ripple effect that didn’t get mentioned: Hank Pym sees this shit going down, realizes that the most famous missing child in the country is about the same age as his daughter, and decides to not aim to be Absentee Father of the Year. He ends up being a tad overprotective, sure, but is way more involved in his kid’s life and Hope Van Dyne grows up with at least one (1) parental figure in her life, so…there’s that.

Things happen, and the timeline for bringing Janet back gets moved up somehow, right around when the Avengers assemble.

Note to self: adjust part of Scott Lang’s origin story in this? Compare whistleblower laws of that time era, alt. entrance for him could be him somehow helping Tony hide because BDEL!Howard’s the type of petty and vindictive asshole who’d pull some strings if he found out this rando interfered with his search somehow.

Bonus for giving Scott and Hank something to commiserate about, later on, and would also have Tony and Co. feeling indebted to him [which would result in a lot of shiny prototypes and records being expunged, later on, probably]

…though that might be a bit much. Hmm.

Reason to bring Janet back: I do what I want also I think the MCU fridged moms because otherwise they’d be too powerful

Ripple effect that didn’t get mentioned, the second: since this is also the AU where moms get unfridged, Frigga’s going to be derailing the plot from her corner of the galaxy.

Also, since I finally watched Ragnarok but was a mythology nerd as a kid and have a passing knowledge of the comics, time to revamp how Hela fits into this universe.

Okay, she’s still murderous and powerful and ruthless.

Only, turns out there’s a very good reason for it: she was one of Loki’s students [iirc she’s his daughter in the myths, that’s the best I can come up with atm] before Odin saddled her with the thankless duty of being the watchkeeper of Asgard’s enemies and prisoners. As in, Odin just straight-up went ‘hey you look pretty talented, here, I now hold you responsible for this entire goddamn realm of assholes and creeps, if any get out we’re all screwed’.

Which is something Hela absolutely did not sign up for, but she’s now just about the only thing standing between said realm of undesirables and her home so she stays put […also maybe Odin sealed the only way back? Maybe? Idk].

It didn’t help that in the early days, these ruffians thought they could overpower her and escape to wreak havoc. So she had to kick everyone’s ass six ways to Sunday, until they finally accepted her as the head honcho of this dump and as someone Not To Be Fucked With.

Thus, why Hela’s known as the goddess of death and ruler of Helheim.

…and it’s also why she accidentally came to Thanos’ attention.

(Because why the hell not, as if her day wasn’t bad enough Odin you owe her big time—)

Thanos, of course, is in love with her carnage and seems to be the kind of guy who doesn’t take no for an answer. Hela just wants to be left the alone but can’t tell him to fuck off because if she did, she’d risk leaving her home open to attack from enemy agents, which is how we get the story behind why Thanos is known as the madman who courted death.

[Hela: fuck you and the horse you rode in on shoo you bastard and take your stupid flowers with you—]

Thanos was on one of his especially annoying ‘let me woo you with the ashes of this one civilization!’ kicks [Hela: ashes. How romantic. Not. Leave me alone already.] when some of the Dark Elves snuck out and killed Odin.

Hela…is only pissed she couldn’t have done it with her own two hands. Also slightly embarrassed that the Dark Elves escaped in the first place, and relieved that it was only Odin who’d kicked it because his wife had seemed pretty nice, the one time Hela’d seen the lady before she’d been drop-kicked to this hellhole.

Also— apparently she now can leave this place? Sayonara, bitches.

Thanos is very displeased when he doesn’t find her standing guard over Helheim when he returns.

Displeased enough to get creative, as far as courting gifts go, and think that if she didn’t like rings or jewelry, well, maybe this Lady Death would appreciate a shiny, fully-assembled Infinity Gauntlet instead.

well…let’s be honest, if it weren’t for his ‘don’t take no for an answer’ thing, you’d have to give the guy props for trying. Nothing says ‘I love you’ more than ‘here have this item of absolute cosmic power’, amirite? [just kidding]

Hela now has mixed feelings about Asgard. Before she was crowned Queen of This Dump, she’d been a student of magic, had been used to certain things. There’s quite an element of culture shock to be had, now that she’s back. It’s the first time she’s seen sunlight in thousands of years, and also there’s a lot of systemic changes going on now that some of Odin’s dirty secrets are coming out at last. Turns out she’s not the only one who’d been pressed into duty: some of Loki’s other students[/children in the myths] came back with stories of the same. Fenrir was apparently voluntold to be the guardian of the Reality Stone, Jormungandr had apparently been busy on Midgard […which now had a school of Mystic Arts? Pfft. Overachiever], and the more Hela thought about it the angrier she got.

Especially when it turns out that her teacher had been mocked for suffering a breakdown and was also tortured by the creep who’d been flirting with her for millennia [Everyone: wait what Hela: I am going to KILL THAT BASTARD NEXT TIME I SEE HIM].

However, thanks to Frigga being Frigga and having a crazy-high charisma stat, Hela is still mostly willing to play ball with everyone else on Asgard. Despite her not being happy with how ungrateful the general populace acted [oh, magic’s just ‘tricks’? Here, have a fireball TO THE FACE I FOUGHT MONSTERS WITH THESE TRICKS FOR MILLENNIA].

So when Thanos shows up again, he gets one-shotted by Hela, who’s very very pissy about her vacation being interrupted.

Because this planet has sunlight and hot chocolate and punk rock and she’s got centuries’ worth of time off and she is damn well going to enjoy it.

…aka why Thanos is a bit of a non-entity in this one. Again, fixits are the name of the game for this AU.

#I got an ask!#replies #Naught replies #By Dawn's Early Light #thinking aloud #My writing #behind the scenes mini fic #in which fixits happen #canon went screwy years back here's my attempt to fix it

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veliseraptor · 5 years

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What're the top lines* in the MCU that you think form the core of Loki's character? It's something I was thinking about when I saw a "I never wanted the throne..." gifset. (*For arguments sake, you could go with top 3 or 5 or WHATEVER)

oh boy I like this question. what a good question thank you for asking

(couldn’t narrow it down to 3 or 5, though, so I’m going with 8.)

1. “I never wanted the throne, I only ever wanted to be your equal!”

You mentioned this one, but it is absolutely a central piece of Loki’s character - the idea of wanting to be Thor’s equal, of his feeling of being lacking, of being less, and how that has shaped him, beyond what we see on screen. The throne isn’t an end in and of itself - it is symbolic. Its meaning is of finally reaching the place that Thor has automatically. Of being equal, because the marker of that is Mjolnir and the kingship, and since Mjolnir is an impossibility at least he can be worthy in another way.

It ties into Loki’s illusion in the deleted scene from The Dark World - he’s not imagining himself as king, there, so much as he’s imagining himself as Thor, down to the red cape and the hammer. Loki doesn’t want to be himself on the throne - he wants to be Thor. Because anything else means he will always be less.

2. “Trust my rage.”

There’s two reasons I chose this one. The first is Loki’s anger - Loki has a lot of anger, a lot of rage, through the first three movies in which he appears. Again and again it’s there, the seething fury just barely suppressed most of the time (more on that later) but still very much present.

The second is the choice here that chooses “rage” over “grief.” Loki’s decision to go with Thor comes just as much from his grief over Frigga’s death (and guilt) as it comes from his anger and desire for vengeance - but that’s not the road he chooses to take. Because that would involve a vulnerability that Loki is never willing to show. It would involve giving Thor a genuine emotional piece of himself that Loki refuses to give.

I’ve talked a lot before about how the Odinfamily in general (specifically Thor, Loki, and Odin) transforms their emotions into anger because it’s an acceptable feeling (as opposed to sorrow or depression). That’s part of what I think is going on here: the assumption that Thor will more readily accept Loki’s thirst for vengeance as a foundation of trust, however tentative, than he would accept their shared grief.

3. “I remember a shadow, living in the shade of your greatness.”

This kind of lines up with the first one above, but it shades a little differently - fitting to where it falls in canon, it’s more bitter, it’s darker, it’s less plaintive (”this isn’t what I want”) and more ferocious and angry. It encapsulates Loki’s perspective on their places, once again underlining that sense of being a shadow, being cast in Thor’s wake as the lesser. And it has weight, too, in the sense of…not just a shadow in that he’s obscured from view, but as in a shadow as the counter to Thor’s light. You only get a shadow with sunlight - as the sun shines on Thor, Loki gets cast as his dark counterpart.

If I push this a little further: dark, distorted, blurry, and not a constant - Thor is always there, but Thor’s shadow isn’t.

And that’s the role Loki has cast himself in in The Avengers: the villain, Thor’s shadow, his dark counterpart. If Thor is the hero then Loki is the monster. Because that’s his role. Thor’s shadow, both in following him and in making him look brighter by comparison.

4. “Your ledger is dripping, it’s gushing red, and you think saving a man no more virtuous than yourself will change anything? This is the basest sentimentality. This is a child at prayer… pathetic! You lie and kill in the service of liars and killers. You pretend to be separate, to have your own code. Something that makes up for the horrors. But they are a part of you, and they will never go away!”

Okay, so, multiple people have talked about the ways in which Loki is talking as much about himself here as he is about Natasha, and I think that’s absolutely accurate, from “basest sentimentality” (Loki’s repeated references to ‘sentiment’ throughout this movie are very ‘doth protest too much’) to “they are a part of you, and they will never go away.”

But almost more than the words themselves what’s telling to me about this monologue is the way that Loki absolutely loses it. Because the thing is that we don’t see Loki like this very often at all - really flipping out, losing his control, displaying the kind of violent anger that he does to Natasha here. Even in other places when he’s angry, he either doesn’t raise his voice this much or doesn’t get physical. The other place I can think of it happening is in Thor, at the end, with the fight on the Bifrost when Loki is dissolving and basically trying to goad Thor into a fight with him (for about six different reasons).

And it is very, very interesting that it happens here, during a speech that’s seemingly just oriented toward scaring Natasha. Because, yeah, the other place it happens is when it’s Loki having a full mental breakdown and identity crisis.

Something here snaps. And I think it has to do with the way that, when Loki starts in on Natasha, it starts a resonance with his own feelings of monstrosity. And that’s still a very, very sore point.

There’s almost a satisfaction when Natasha confirms that. When she calls him what he is.

5. “It hurts, doesn’t it? Being lied to. Being told you’re one thing and then learning it’s all a fiction.”

This line is…it fascinates me because of the way that it, like a lot of the things Loki says (and another later entry on this list) has two edges. On the one hand, Loki’s gloating: “now you get it, now you know what it’s like to be me, how about that, Thor, how does it feel.” There’s still an anger and a bitterness there, a vindication.

But at the same time, and almost in the next breath, it is also, under that edge of spite, an extended hand. This is where Loki makes his offer to Thor to join him, to work with him and be allies on Sakaar. Loki has no interest in going back to Asgard or fighting Hela. But he’s willing to bring Thor with him as he tries to gain a foothold of power there.

And there’s an element of being pleased that he can do that - in being in a position, finally, where he has the edge on Thor, the superiority to Thor, where he can be the one to offer a helping hand. That’s power, and Loki likes feeling powerful. (He’s spent a lot of time feeling powerless.) Simultaneously, though…I think it’s also what Loki wanted someone to do for him, when his life fell apart. Would have wanted Thor to do for him, though he’d never have asked.

All this happening at the same time, and in a few brief moments - and that’s a big part of how I conceptualize Loki. There are a lot of things going on in his head at the same time, all the time. And sometimes he doesn’t even know which is foremost or most true.

6. Thor: “Why have you done this?” / Loki: “To prove to Father that I am a worthy son! When he wakes, I will have saved his life, I will have destroyed that race of monsters, and I will be true heir to the throne!”

I feel like…people who think Loki’s motive in Thor is just “usurp Thor and the throne” really are not…paying attention. Because this line really says, right out, what Loki wants. “To prove to Father that I am a worthy son.”

And on top of that…it’s that inward-pointing self-hatred, there, implicit in “that race of monsters” - Loki has already referred to himself as such once (”the monster parents tell their children about at night”) and here he’s distancing himself from that but at the same time…he knows he’s one of them. And yet it’s like if he kills all the rest that won’t matter.

He’ll still be the true heir, he’ll be worthy (and what a weighted word that is, in the context of Mjolnir), and Odin will see him as more than a potentially useful trinket.

And in some ways everything Loki does after this ties back to a reaction to this line, here, and his failure to prove that he is worthy. A reaction against that failure. A determination to, if he can’t be a worthy son, at least be a better monster.

7. “You’re my brother and my friend. Sometimes I’m envious, but never doubt that I love you.”

Like above, this is another line that’s double-edged - it’s both sincere and not. Loki means it - he’s envious, but he does love Thor, very much, terribly much, and that never changes even when he hates him.

At the same time…Loki is planning, in this moment, to ruin Thor’s moment of supposed triumph. He’s already set things in motion for the Frost Giants to invade, and for Thor to retaliate and disobey Odin and therefore show that he’s not worthy of the crown.

Definitely didn’t plan on them actually making it to Jotunheim, let alone starting a fight there. At that point Loki’s plans went thoroughly sideways.

But basically…it’s the way that even as Loki’s telling the truth about loving Thor, he’s setting him up for failure. And that is very Loki - for both those things to exist side-by-side in the same moment.

8. “Satisfaction’s not in my nature.”

This line!! I come back to this line so much as something that defines my understanding of Loki’s character, because it says so much in five words. Because Loki is someone who is perpetually unsatisfied, who is restless and can’t settle and doesn’t know what he wants and doesn’t know who he is, who is always chasing something and never happy when he gets what he’s chasing.

Because what he keeps doing is chasing the wrong things.

Loki spends so much of canon twisting on a hook of his own making, looking for one thing after another - Odin’s approval, the throne of Asgard, mastery of Midgard, spiting Thor - and none of those things make him really happy. Because on the one hand, Loki doesn’t know what he wants, not really. And on the other hand there’s always a thirst for more.

Loki scrabbles and struggles and fights, and almost never stops. Complacency is anathema. On a good day, that’s drive and determination; on a bad day it sends him spiraling.

#led lite #conversating #long post for ts #loki trashblogging #loki's a goddamn mess #loki laufeyson #i'm proud of this ok

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batgirl-87 · 5 years

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MC Character Challenge

Tagged and Created by @cptaincarswell

(If there is another one like this I was never tagging in so…) Thank you so much for tagging me! Honestly this is a lot harder than my Jacob’s one! I hope I did a good job explaining my MC…

Rules: Choose five characters (movie or tv show) that represent your MC/ MC’s different layers.

1. Sirius Black - Harry Potter

Let’s just get the obvious out of the way =p

Where to start…

Dramatic entrances

Just dramatic tendencies

Good hair (even after 12 years in Azkaban, the rest may be a mess but the hair is looking fabulous! =p)

Love Remus Lupin

Okay, a bit more siriusly now 😉

Unwavering loyalty and fiercely protective nature (that may be taken too far…)

Witty and sarcastic (“run along and play with your chemistry set” - classic! =p)

Charming and charismatic (she can probably convince almost anyone to do anything… maybe a bit manipulative too…)

Rebellious and mischievous

Flirtatious and seemingly confident

Secretly really insecure

Dark vengeful side, can be vicious towards those he hates

Sure, we have magic, but you know what’s satisfying? Punching someone in the face!

2. Emma Swan - Once Upon A Time

Forced into be the Savior seems fitting, right? Fine, if she has to do this, she will, because no one else will =p Plus she’s probably the best at it anyway 😉 It may be stressful and a weight on her shoulders but she’ll handle it herself and appear cool and collected while doing it.

A natural leader and hero even though she may not want to be (Have to deal with the Cursed-Vaults and R/Cabal even though this is definitely not what she signed up for)

Strong and independent (but also lonely)

Practical and realistic

Strong sense of justice

Will do anything to protect and save those she cares about

Self-sacrificing (which is easy to do if you don’t care really if you live or not)

Dark Side

Distances herself from others to protect them

Trust issues

Abandonment issues

Very guarded with her feelings (particularly when it comes to love)

Feels like she has to appear strong and keep things together despite how stressed and overwhelmed she is with great responsibility thrust onto her shoulders - probably also feels like she has to handle it all by herself/on her own

Gets Captain Hottie Hook =p

3. Kate Beckett - Castle

I think Kate shows how determined and even obsessed Keira is with finding her brother. She’ll push herself to her limits and doesn’t care about placing herself in dangerous situations, even engaging in reckless behaviors that could severely harm or even kill her to find her brother. And she’ll try to do it all herself. (Also I love Stana Katic!)

Strong sense of justice (even if it’s her own set of morals/ethics)

Strong and independent

Her own savior/hero

Doesn’t like when someone tries to control her or even protect her - she demands respect and wants a partner, not a protector (Keira just doesn’t do well with being told what to do/authority figures - she wants to do what she wants when she wants!)

Determined and hard working

Determined almost to the point of obsession and recklessness - doesn’t care about what happens to her as long as she succeeds and will cross lines to do so

Can be secretive

On a one-woman mission

Speaks multiple languages

Likes to keep her past and personal life/feelings private (Keira doesn’t really talk about herself much to her friends - her mom, life in Canada, etc.)

The loss of her mom drives her - serves as her motivation to become a detective (while Keira lost her mom as well, the loss of Jacob is a strong motivator for her influencing even her career choice as well)

However, wants to be defined more than just by her mother’s death (Keira wants to be defined more than her brother and the Cursed-Vaults)

Struggle to love herself and accept someone else’s love

Survives getting shot to the chest (it’s very difficult getting rid of Keira =p)

4. Mazikeen “Maze” - Lucifer

(Kind of looks like a batarang right?! =D )

She’s beauty, she’s grace, she’ll punch you in the face (and then stab you and rip your throat out). Keira enjoys a good fight but also has a darker side that primarily gets unleashed when people she cares about are threatened or harmed. She can and will cross the line and do what’s necessary especially in difficult and stressful times. And those clothes!

Quick to anger and acting out violently (prefers getting mad than showing she’s actually sad)

Gets a thrill and pleasure from fighting (Duelling is fun and all but Keira does really enjoy physical fighting. May also have a taste/skill for knives - related to Bellatrix afterall 😜)

Confident in her fighting abilities

Sarcastic

Can come off as cold and uncaring

May sometimes act impulsively especially when angered (Keira has a classic fiery Irish temper)

Struggles with showing vulnerability and opening up

Secretly lonely and insecure about her friendships - like she cares more/does more for them and they don’t really care for her - worried about betrayal

Fiercely loyal and protective - so much she easily becomes a sadistic vengeful killer if anyone harms those she cares about (well Maze is a demon =p - Keira definitely has a dark side that hasn’t really needed to come out much but after this Rakepick stuff…. Anyway she’d have no problem torturing or inflicting pain and destroying someone’s life if they hurt those she cares about)

Keira would definitely wear a lot of Maze’s clothing actually - leather, duh =p badass and a little sexy 😜

(Bonus - since you included Eve in yours 😉)

5. Jamie Moriarty - Elementary

Besides the fact that I just love Natalie Dormer, I also want to highlight Keira’s intelligence and manipulative capabilities, as well as her not really being good or evil but as more of a neutral. (If she wanted to run a criminal empire she could =p Who knows what the future will hold? =p) Also could possibly show what she could become if she didn’t have her friends. (More reasons she needs Bill as a partner).

Diabolical mastermind

Clever and cunning

Manipulative - uses people to do her dirty work or distract them from interfering

Likes a challenge/mind games

Likes to feel smarter than others

Likes to be in control/have the upper hand/be one step ahead

Confident (possibly overconfident) in her skills, intellect, and abilities

Gives credit where it’s due and respects other intelligent, manipulative, and clever people

Can view situations as a game (but she’s pretty sure she’ll - and determined to - win)

Focus on benefitting herself and doesn’t care who she has to take down in order to get what she wants

Curious

Will stop at nothing to protect those she cares about (i.e. her daughter)

Doesn’t like to appear/show her vulnerability (aka her daughter)

More dramatic reveals?! Yes please =p Love a good plot twist!

Honorable Mentions: The Witch - Into the Woods; Blair Waldorf - Gossip Girl; Veronica Lodge (or maybe even Cheryl Blossom) - Riverdale; Loki - Marvel; Wolverine - X-men; Selene - Underworld

Summary: (This got long - don’t have to read! You can probably see the running themes here)

Keira comes across as a strong, confident, sarcastic person who actually hides a lot of insecurities, trust issues, and overwhelming stress. While charming and charismatic she actually is quite guarded and doesn’t like to open up or be vulnerable but that also leaves her feeling alone. While appearing even flirtatious at times she is particularly guarded and insecure about the whole ‘love’ thing and struggles with believing anyone would actually accept her for her, flaws and all. Takes awhile for her to feel comfortable around others and a long time for her to feel safe opening up and even then she rarely shows her vulnerability to those close to her. Likes being independent and handling things on her own even if that means struggling and being overwhelmingly stressed - doesn’t like to admit she needs helps or can’t handle things on her own (even though she needs support she prides herself on her independence). Normally pretty cool and calm but definitely has a fiery temper than can easily be set off causing her to lash out angrily and even violently. Also has a flair for the dramatics and can be quite rebellious and mischievous.

Is an incredibly determined and resilient individual, particularly when it comes to finding her brother, but in general when she wants something it’s hard for her to let it go and she’ll cross lines to get it and even push herself to extremes and engage in dangerous and reckless behaviors - doesn’t matter what happens to her as long as she succeeds. Normally likes to take things into her own hands without involving others, in a way to protect them, but also keeps her at a distance from them so maybe also in a way to protect herself from her fear of being betrayed by people she has opened up to and trusted - again leaving her feeling alone, especially when she truly does need support. But she also just doesn’t like being told what to do =p

She has a strong sense of justice, and has a hard time keeping her mouth shut when she sees an injustice, and is fiercely loyal and protective towards those she cares about; however, is a true neutral, living more in a grey area, so her code of ethics may be different than others (she’s not a Death Eater but she totally understands killing Dumbledore, would have done it herself if they asked! And she’ll fight Harry about it! =p). She doesn’t normally get involved in things (such as the second wizarding war) unless necessary and rewarding from her own perspective. She enjoys a good fight and is probably the first to sign up for some dangerous mission (as long as she feels she’ll get something out of it even if it’s just the thrill and adrenaline rush). While she may have insecurities when it comes to her relationships with others, she’s confident, maybe too much so, in her skills, intellect, and capabilities (and therefore does not handle defeat well and does not like being the one be to used and manipulated when she likes to have the upper hand and be one step ahead).

She definitely has a dark side, particularly when anyone she cares about is threatened or harmed or when she feels it’s called for in difficult situations. She can be vicious and has no issues torturing, inflicting pain, and completely destroying someone’s life - quite literally will cut a bitch =p (and if she needs to be a bitch she can be a bitch =p) She can be very manipulative and vengeful, no problems using others has her puppets, although again normally only does so to protect or avenge those she cares about (i.e. doesn’t do so for her own personal amusement). Also I think she’s good at compartmentalizing. Honestly feels like her friends need her because, let’s face it, they’re too “nice” and “good” and they need a friend willing to do the dirty work and cross that line into the darkness… even if they don’t know about her doing that…because she does try to keep that darkness in her hidden from her friends. (But her friends and that support truly keep her from snapping and acting out more violently and diving into that darkness as easily as she would alone).

Think that’s it =p Hope I explained her well, I don’t know…

Tagging: @wilhelminafujita @bluerosesburnblue @arnyan @callmederok @jadeowl19 @missnight0wl @changeling-fae @sly-vixen-up2nogood @gryffinpuffthunderbird @unforgivablecurse-breaker and anyone else who wants to!I’m sure I’m forgetting people - I’m sorry, it’s not personal I swear! Just please do it and tag me! =)

#hphm #hogwarts mystery #hphm mc #my mc #jacob's sibling #adelyn-keira black #tag game #thanks for tagging me

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lokis-amazing-fighting-skills · 5 years

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NSFW ALPHABET For Loki Odinson~

Hi darling! It has been requested that I do an NSWF ALPHABET for Loki our God of Mischief. So here it is!

🛑 Warning! Adult content below! 18+ only! 🛑

(P.S. I know the gif isn’t Loki but I thought it fit well. And it’s not mine, but it’s really nice!)

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

So Loki is such a tender and careful lover once you both have had your fun. It depends on each time really, it can be a gentle cleanup or can be a romantic moment. Loki loves to rap his arms around you nuzzle his face into you neck and kiss you softly, breathing little warm breaths on your collarbones, and looking you in the eyes and he pampers you with small back rubs. Loves to hold your hips and lower back and somewhat push and pin you to himself and the mattress to feel closer to you. He in other times with have already used his magic to prepare a lovely bath or shower for you both with the most wonderful smelling scents that both Asgard and Midgard can provide. Loves to wrap his hands around yours and untwine fingers and play with them being happy in such a moment. Aftercare with Loki is always as good as the fun before!

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His own body part that he likes on himself would be a tie between his hands and his butt. His hands are what can craft things, magick, and bend you to his form if he so chooses. But his butt tends to apparently attract many and he knows it the smug god. He flaunts his ass to you on a daily basis and in skinny jeans when he wear midgardian clothes just to drive you nuts.

But it’s okay because he has a thing for your ass to so you also wear very nice form fitting pants and occasional skirts too. Skirts not so often because he has a tendancy to literally trap you in a closet, corner, hallways, or nearby counter lift it up and have his way with you right there and then (in a somewhat rough manner and weak legs afterwards). He’s so damn smug about it to, knowing what you both did. He loves your boobs too, but he really does inside and goes to Valhalla when you put lingerie on. He never had such fine garnets I even cross his sight especially with you as his most cherished treasure and love. It’s predator vs prey when you wear that around him especially to taunt and tantalize him about you being needy. You will have to run wherever you want to have sex at because he will chase you down and have you there when caught. Especially if you get lingerie with a hole in in so he doesn’t have to take it off and can take you in the lingerie. 😈 💕

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

He loves to cream pie you. He does also like to cover you in his cum on your ass and breast but not your face. To much of a mess and he also likes to see your face begging for more calling him his many names. He just is in awe when you claw and squirm when he finishes in you and you practically jump him in utter bliss when he’s in both his normal and Juttun form. His cum in either changes temperatures, his normal is hot and warm while his other is thick and cold. You love both but he can’t get enough when he does it and refuesses a lot of time for you to swallow, he wants to know his cum will of be good use one day when you two might possibly have kids. He might have a slight kink for impregnating you even though he will always ask permission before he does anything.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He loves it when you ride him hard and slow. He loves passionate and loving sec and you riding him seeking your own pleasure as the goddess he knows you to be, he dies from how good it is. He loves it when you get lost in the feeling and have that little “O” face for him, have your bouncing up and down between him and the ceiling, and continuously bite your lips and moaning in pleasure overload. For someone who doesn’t like to be dominated in life he absolutely kneels before you when it comes to the bedroom, you only have to ask and he’s all yours.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

He is a god and the son of the goddess of Fertility. So he definitely is an experienced God when it comes to the sexy times. He knows exactly how to make you scream in ecstasy and beg in agony from deprivation of pleasure. He knows essentially how to make or break your world when it comes to sex.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

He doesn’t really have just one position. 😈 He more like has a few. So I’ll link them below for a visual representation of what he likes to do to you. (Okay I hate tumblr. I’ve been trying to post gifs, general pictures of positions and no dice. If it doesn’t work I’m sorry!!! I’ll just put down the title of position and see if the pictures work!) No pictures sorry! Tumblrs fussy!!!!

1) Cowgirl / Recerse Cowgirl

2) Missionary

3) Doggy Style

4) Spooning Position

5) the Eiffel Tower. (Yes this is a threesome move but he’ll use some of his clones on you.)

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

It really depends if the moment leading up to your sexy times. If you were a tease he’d be most serious when “disciplining” you. If you both just came from a (nice) dinner then not really, he’d be really sweet, gentle, and a loving lover. If you both are just in a drunk or chill mood yeah he’ll be pretty silly with you. Lots of jokes that are just terrible.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

He trims his hair downstairs because he is a well kept god who takes care of all his hair. Head or nether regions. 😉 But he doesn’t have to constantly maintain because he’s actually not that bad for hair down there and is not a bush monster.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

He’s such a passionate God of Mischief. He is such an interesting guy to say the least. He loves after sex cuddles and spooning. Maybe even leading you back into the motions of slow passionate sex. He’s so very intimate, he wants to show you the world and more with the way he gets very affectionate with you. So much kisses ranging from hot and hungry to small pecks filled with all of his admiration and love for you. Stares at you with his entire being is awe of you.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

He doesn’t have much need of it when you’re around because your are his love and human fuck toy. Definitely his pet when it comes to pleasure. However when you are gone he does occasionally relieve himself of the stress of not having you there to help him. He does imaginemos though and all you do in your naughty times. Especially in a certain lingerie that just makes him crumble under your Vahallian body. He likes it rough at first and then goes slower to deny himself that sweet release. He might also have a self-denial kink when it comes to his own pleasure and release. But eventually he’ll imagine you taking him and riding him in you wild blissed out state and orgasming on him to send his hand flying and spilling. But he doesn’t just spill into his hand, but also into/onto a pair or single type of underwear/lingerie that you leave for him to use. He will also phone sex you and love to hear you moan over the phone into his ear to rile him up further when in the heat of the moment.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

The freaking god of kinks!!!!!! I don’t even know where to begin with this god, because you name it, he likes it. The only think he doesn’t like is actually hurting you. He absolutely loves to spank you though and use a collar and leash to bend you to his will. Has a thing for pet play, bdsm, daddy/professor kinks, size kink, voice kink, domination kink, submission kink, riding kink, Dry humping kink, you name it he likes it. He has his own room dedicated to being a sex dungeon for you both in the house/apartment that you both have. He has a dog kennel with a (comfy) bed for you to sleep in with lots of harnesses, leashes, collars, treats, whips, toys of various kinds, and a blanket if you get chilly. The bed has a variety of sheets depending on what kinky shit he’s into for the night. It could be satin, silk, latex, or regular sheets. Has lots of shaped pillows to support you both in whatever position or angle you two might happen to be in. Has a wooden chair that you grip the back of when he spanks you or when you ride him in the chair. Has various long toys to use on you and rub invretween your legs as he teases the hell out of you. Rope, chain links, silk, maybe even your own underwear. No worries about vibrators, oral stimulators, dildos, butt plugs, or gags. He has them all for you, lined up, and colored coded for whatever occasion is best fit for them. Sorry rambled! Anyway, he is a kinky son of a fertility goddess who will shake you to the very core if you let him.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

Like previously stated, he has his own room dedicated to making love to you and owning the shit out of your beautiful body. He likes to have his own place to satisfy you, but a close second is the kitchen counter where he will roughly take you if you flaunt your shit while cooking or making tea/coffee. Or maybe even in your car seat on the way home from a fancy dinner of things get to sexually tense. Anyways!~

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Uhh you boo!~ he does like lingerie for sure but you just being yourself is so hot to him. He absolutely adores you, no matter what you look like because he has fallen in love with your personality and character. But ya know, your butt and body look sexy too. 😉 😈

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

He will not harm you in a serious way. No, he will never risk the chance of loosing you, harming you, or possibly killing you and having it on his hands. He couldn’t live with himself if something happened to you, especially if it was him that caused it.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

He loves to see you crumble underneath him. So he more than often will have you on the receiving end of the pleasure rather than him self. He is a very giving lover, but won’t back down if you want to give him head, he will ravish you while you do it though with a little 69 action going on and will definitely finger you through quite a few orgasms before you finally relieve him because he loves to deny himself from giving in just to see you really work for it as you continuously lose control through the entire time. He is a very skills man, god, and frost giant.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

He varies from moment to moment. 😉 But more often than not he will most likely have a fast and rough pace with you. You just seem to submit and beg for him so nicely when he takes you like that. Not that he doesn’t also like slow and sensual. But he does like a rough and slow pace to to just break you into total submission and feel everything he does to you in a torturously slow but such sweetfully hard way.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

He honestly doesn’t like quickies. He won’t refuse them, but he does like to take his sweet time with you and your body.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Yes, he’s game if you’re game. As long as it doesn’t hurt you in a serious way. He’s such a freaky and kinky bastard! 😂 😈 😉

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

AAAAGGGEEEEESSSSSSS! He will go round after round with you for hours on end. He just does and he can go faster but when he has his way with you he delivers for hours. You will never not finish with him, he will take his sweet ass time to love yo ass.~

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Toys toys toys! Toys galore!~ he owns lots of toys, and a big majority of them are for you. Some are for himself, but only when it’s your turn to take charge for the evening and do what you want with him.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He is a huge fucking tease. He teases you out and in bed. He knows about your voice kink and he has one too, so he definitely uses that to his advantage.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

At first he wasn’t very loud, and would actually try to hide his orgasm face from you. He was quite embarrassed about it thinking he didn’t look very good. But then one night when you took charge you made him practically scream, shout, yell, and beg with his voice for more. You also made him cum multiple times that evening and punished him if he didn’t show you his face and look you in the eyes when he did. He was so broken in after that night that he now shows and let’s you here everything he’s feeling.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

He has a thing for when you put on the dominatrix outfit and own him all night long. Especially making him walk on a leash, crawling on his hands and need to pleasure you, and him sitting in his kennel all proper like, while you sit on top as he eats you out through the kennels bars. He absolutely looses it when you degrade him and use him as the pet he is for the night. Eventually you end the night with him owning your ass doggy style and him ravishing you and he fucks you silly with pleasure.

Another wild thing he loves when you dominate him is when you get the strap on and peg him into the mattress. Him tied up in chains and sold. Spread wide eagle for you and your strap on cock pounding him hard and fast. Him cumming over and over as you grind into him as him squirming and begging like the little slut he is.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

He is a good 10 inches and has some good girth to him as well he has one big vein that pops out of it and rubs you perfectly in that spot deep inside you.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

He didn’t have a high sex drive before he met you, but then he uncapped his darker and more wild side when it comes to a sex drive. So now he definitely has a high sex drive.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He doesn’t fall asleep very fast afterward. You do from sheer exhaustion and bliss. But he loves to watch you fall asleep in his arms and spoon you long after you pass out. Then and only then when he knows that your happy and satisfied does he let himself slip into sleep too.

Hi darling! Once again I hope you like this! @disciplineyourmind-severuss I hope you’re having a good day! 💕☺️😉

Tag:

@disciplineyourmind-severuss

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doeeyeddarlingxo · 4 years

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Myriad Misadventures - Chapter 36

The Myriad Misadventures of a Midgardian Queen-In-Training - Chapter 36

AO3 | Previous | Next

Word Count: 1329

Pairing: Loki/Reader

Rating: T

Myriad Misadventures - Chapter 36

“A month away?” Your eyes dart around to meet those of the remaining contestants, before returning to Lady Amara. For confirmation. Because there is no way she actually said what you thought you just heard. “That is...away, away?”

Normally, your modernisms and teen cadence, even faint as they have become over the years, would bring a hint of distaste to Lady Amara’s face. Now, though, she smiles, almost… fondly? “Yes, Lady (Y/N), away away. His Majesty has come to the conclusion that he was ill-advised in disallowing you from leaving the premises, vast as they may be. Balls are excellent practice for socializing in a formal context, but he and I agreed that you would benefit from a chance to practice your royale training outside of the..the…”

“Bubble?” Rosa mutters. You can’t help but snort, in spite of yourself. Lady Amara shoots you both a gently chastising look.

“Protection of the palace. You will be accompanied by guards, of course—”

“Of course.”

This time, the look she gives you is a bit more severe. “However, this will offer you an opportunity to interact with the general public and world leaders, alike.”

There seems to be a general sense of speechlessness among the four of you as the full weight of this news sinks in. You’re leaving the palace. As Lady Amara pointed out, the palace grounds are wicked large, but still, you’re leaving. That being said…

Rhea speaks up, as though she had read your mind. “Where exactly will we be going?”

Lady Amara smiles again. “Home.”

**************************************************

You have less than three hours until your transportation leaves for New York, and your suitcase is still empty.

It’s not that you haven’t packed—you did, last night. Six times, to be exact. And every time, without fail, you found yourself dumping the contents of your suitcase back on your bed, on the chaise-lounge, on the ground. Gotta clean that up before I leave, too, or Meg is going to murder me when I get back. Knowing Meg, she probably wouldn’t even mention it, but you’d still feel bad if you left her an entire floor of heavy dresses in need of putting away.

The dresses. They’re part of the problem. You’re expected to pack for several weeks: two at home, one spent visiting the hometowns of the other girls, and one attending various conferences elsewhere around the globe. You’ve grown accustomed to the feel and look of a full corset-and-petticoat getup, but since the announcement was made of your impending departure, you’ve become acutely aware of how out-of-place all of your current clothing would be in your small-ish, very modern, normal town.

Normal. Not that you fit that label, anymore. You pray that you’re wrong, that you’ll be able to slide seamlessly into your former place for two weeks, but you can’t escape what you know in your gut to be true. After two years away, two weeks home seems both heartbreakingly short and impossibly long. You’re going to see Carlie’s growth spurt and new teeth in person, hear Mom and Dad’s voices, see some old friends—the new semester is about to start, but you’re sure you’ll get to at least see Steven after the school day ends. Truth be told, you’re not sure what you’re going to do at home, with your whole family in school (in Erik’s case, away at school) or at work. Lady Amara clearly wants all four of you to practice some diplomacy skills, but there isn’t much conflict in need of resolving in the ultra-suburban landscape of home.

Thinking of suburbia brings you back to the issue at hand: clothes. Should you just wear your least ostentatious clothes, pack nothing, and just raid your old closet when you get home until you have a chance to go shopping for clothes that fit? That seems silly, though. You can’t go with suitcases full of presents and food and no clothes—completely impractical.

And, if you’re being honest, you would almost miss the corset and underskirts.

Almost.

Three taps at the open door. “You do realize it is three in the morning?”

“Shit.” By the time you’ve whirled around, you’re expecting to see him there, but your heart is still pounding from the initial surprise. “Sorry. I’ve been up a while.”

“Clearly.” He nods at the heaps of velvet and lace strewn across your floor. “Any particular reason why you felt the need to eviscerate your wardrobe?”

You sigh. “Sorry.” He isn’t wrong in pointing it out. If anything, you’re grateful for the reminder—at your current pace, you might as well start cleaning up the mess now. You pick up the closest gown, fluff out the skirt, and cross to hang it up to the closet. You notice him following suite, and while half of you is wondering, a bit grumpily, why he can’t just snap his fingers and whoosh them back to your closet in an instant, the other half is relieved. After all, more hands makes the work move more quickly. “Thanks.”

“Of course.”

You work silently for a while, hanging things side-by-side, in your best approximation of the color-coding system Meg seems to use when she cleans. When the task is finally finished, you trudge back into the main room and climb up into your bed, but instead of lying down, you remain perched on the edge, head hanging.

“I cannot tell if you’re simply exhausted, or if you’re truly that reluctant to go home.”

When you don’t answer, he walks over and, with a tilt of his head, seems to ask if he can sit down next to you. You nod, and he does.

“Going home can be difficult, especially after what must feel like a rather long time.”

“Yeah.” You wish you had a less lackluster answer, but the one word feels like all you can muster, in spite of the emotions that are threatening to overflow. You don’t want him to leave, though. The thought of going to sleep, of every second closer you’re getting to your departure time, seems near unbearable.

You voice none of this, but he seems to understand. “Would you like to talk about it?”

“I’m terrified.” It escapes in a whisper, spoken into the dim, candlelit air in front of you, not to him. In your peripheral vision, though, you see that he is looking directly at you.

This is dangerous. Middle-of-the-night conversations are different than talking during the day, different than evening strolls and other quasi-dates, even different than teaming up to defeat a small squadron of murderous, shapeshifting intruders. More intimate. The lack of sleep has left you loose-lipped and overemotional, and there’s no telling what hidden secrets you may spontaneously confess—to Loki or to yourself. Either option is scary.

But he’s here. And he’s listening. And he cares.

On impulse, you spin yourself around and arrange yourself in a cross-legged position, facing him straight on. “I don’t know how to do this. How to go home after so long.” After having them circle your head for hours, it is such a relief to speak the words out loud. “I’m not the same person I was when I left, and I don’t...I just…”

He doesn’t interrupt, he just nods gently, prompting. Encouraging. The gesture, however tiny, gives you the courage you need to say what comes next:

“It feels like there are days where I don’t even recognize the person I used to be. If I don’t even know myself anymore, how is my family going to seem? How will I recognize them?” ” And then, even more quietly, “What if they can’t recognize me?”

“I hardly think your physical appearance has changed that drastically.”

It’s exactly the kind of smart-ass comment you would have expected from him, even this late/early, and it’s exactly the kind of thing you needed to hear. “You know what I mean.”

“I do.”

**************************************************

From then until the sun has risen, he never leaves your side.

#loki #loki/reader #loki fanfic #loki fanfiction #loki x reader #doeeyeddarling #myriad misadventures #fish fork

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hiddlepiddlewiddle · 6 years

Text

A Favour (Loki x Reader)

Request from @clairese1980 : Loki is in love with the reader but has never told her. He was going to but then a mission comes in and it's all hands on deck. He decides he will tell her his feelings after the mission. The reader is injured on a mission and almost dies. While she is in medical Loki sits with her and she codes (heart stops) while he is there. They revive her and Loki is a complete wreck but begins to tell her of his life on Asgard. A few days later Loki is at almost at his wit's end and starts telling her he needs her to wake up because he loves her and doesn't want to lose her. The reader hears him as she is walking up and her first words are I love you too. End in fluff

Relationship: Loki x Reader

Warning: Fluff, angst, a little cursing?

Words: 3775

“Good morning, Loki!” you shouted down the hallway. Loki jumped and spun on his heels to face you.

“I told you to not do that ever again! It’s 8 a.m. in the morning for God’s sake.” Loki groaned, putting his hands on his hips before walking towards the kitchen.

You giggled at how adorable he looked. Oh, how amazing it’ll be if you could take a picture of him right now. You’d gladly put it as your wallpaper everywhere. You had a crush on this man since forever but the both of you were so busy with missions and everything that it seemed impossible to even suggest a date. Be it a dinner at a fancy restaurant or a movie, your schedules were too packed to even fit these few hours in them. Besides, the both of you would usually be completely exhausted after a day’s work and would be too tired to even step out of the Avenger’s Tower.

“Are you coming?” Loki waved a hand in front of your face.

“Oh-” You snapped out of your thoughts, “u-uh yea! Right, breakfast. God, I’m starving.”

You ran to catch up with him and grabbed his ass.

“Ehehehehehe!” Loki giggled and smacked your hand away.

“I can’t believe you pour milk first then cereal!” Loki watched as (Y/N) bickered with Thor.

“I can’t believe your pour cereal then milk, Lady (Y/N)! The cereal is gonna get soggy, you moron!” Thor retaliated and banged his fists on the table.

“Who taught him the word ‘moron’? Did anyone tell him that no one else is a moron but him?” (Y/N) sneered and shoved a mouthful of cereal into her mouth.

Loki sat opposite (Y/N) and watched the drama ongoing in front of his very eyes in amusement and happily ate his chocolate drenched pancakes. It was hilarious watching them bicker with their mouths full with cereal and milk spluttering out of their mouths as they argued.

How unladylike, he thought. But I guess that’s why I love her.

Loki pulled out a necklace from his pocket, careful to not let (Y/N) see it. It was a simple amethyst crystal hung on a black string. According to Midgardian beliefs, amethyst protects one from evil forces and poison and considering how (Y/N) is so susceptible to poison and being attacked by HYDRA agents, he thought this gift would be perfect for her.

“Today will be the day I win her heart and call her mine.” He muttered under his breath.

“Avengers assemble!” Steve’s voice rang throughout the entire room. (Y/N) and Thor froze.

“S.H.I.E.L.D has found another abandoned HYDRA base. We might be able to retrieve some of their files there. All in the quinjet in 5 minutes.” Steve instructed before everyone dispersed, scrambling to get their weapons and change.

“Bless me for having magic.” (Y/N) chuckled and in a shimmer of purple, she changed into battle clothes. A dense purple smoke pooled around her before it spilt, covering the floor with its dense clouds. Most of it was so thick it was impossible to see through.

Thor stomped his feet, upsetting the graceful blanket.

“You’ve got to stop being extra whenever you change using magic, my love.” Loki chuckled at (Y/N)’s furrowed eyebrows and pout.

“Me? Extra? Have you seen how Thor changes? He burnt an entire patch of grass just changing into his battle armour!” (Y/N) scolded playfully before scooting - or rather, flying - off to the quinjet.

You sighed and slumped down onto your seat. You never liked being in the quinjet especially before a mission. You’d feel uneasy and nauseated, thinking about how terribly injured some of you would be after the mission. You just wish it wouldn’t be Loki.

You are a healer - though not the best, just the second option. If anyone gets injured on the team, you’d be there to heal them first before they receive any professional medical attention from S.H.I.E.L.D’s medical team. However, this time it was different. They wanted you to be the one retrieving the information. You didn't protest though, fighting is definitely the best you can do.

However, being a healer also meant that you put others before yourself - a healer's instinct.

“You alright there, (Y/N)?” Tony snapped you out of your thoughts. “You look more terrified than you would normally be.”

“I’m fine.” You lied. Seriously though, you were terrified. You had this gnawing feeling in your gut that just kept telling you to not go. You brushed it off, you were probably just overthinking.

The quinjet’s landing was abnormally bumpy. All of your heads bobbed during the landing and yours, unfortunately, hit the wall behind you. You cursed under your breath.

The quinjet stopped a few meters away from the HYDRA base which means that you had to sneak your way through the rest. Your main role was to download the information you find into the thumb drive given to you that was disguised as a huge pendant that hung around your neck. Ugh, a disguise that is so obvious to the eye.

The way everyone was hiding behind their respective trees was hilarious, almost comical. You would’ve laughed if this wasn’t a mission.

“Alright, all clear. Let’s go.” You heard Cap over the comm. All of you crept towards the main entrance.

All of you stood away from the entrance, leaning against the wall beside it while Bucky keyed in the code.

“Funny how an abandoned base is still lo-”

An alarm blared.

“Loki and Thor, stay by (Y/N)’s side at all times. DO NOT let her go out of sight.” Tony ordered while Steve threw out orders at the rest. You, Loki and Thor ran as fast as you could towards the right, to the room where they keep all of their information.

A man stopped you.

“Well, well, well. What do we have here?” He chuckled lowly. You blinked to adjust to the darkness, hoping to see the man’s face.

The man stepped into the light. He was fully clad in black - black suit, black tie, black pants, black shoes. Hell, even his hat was black. He removed his hat painfully slow, revealing a badly scarred face. His face was so unrecognisable that he didn’t seem human.

“Scary, isn’t it?” He scowled.

“You,” he pointed at you. “You caused this. You caused ME to look like this. I’ve been waiting for so long, setting up this whole trap for S.H.I.E.L.D to fall into and make ALL of you walk right into my very own trap.”

Your brows furrowed in confusion.

“I don’t know you.” You stated flatly. “I don’t remember hurting anyone this badly.”

He burst out in laughter, like a maniac. His laughter echoed off the walls and you flinched. How does one laugh that loudly?

“ ‘I don’t know you’.” He mimicked you. “UGH, what a load of lies! It’s all fucking LIES. Come on sister, can’t you even recognise your own brother?”

You gasp. Aiden. Your lovely little brother who died in a house fire 10 years ago.

“I thought... I thought you were dead." Your voice cracked, "I tried to save you I swear I did! I got dragged out of the house by mother before I could even reach yo-”

“LIES! I hate you and your little lying mouth. All you ever did since young was to lie, wasn’t it? You pushed every single blame onto me and Mother loved you so much. She loved you more than me, she hated me and that was why she didn’t want you to save me. I was always the outcast. I was never Mother’s favourite no matter what I did. She left me to die and so did you!” He screamed, “you could’ve saved me, you bitch. If you saved me, I wouldn't be like this - ugly, unrecognisable and a monster. Now I’m leaving you to die, just like you did.”

You watched as he pulled out a controller and pressed the red button.

“You have one minute to escape, just like I did but oh, you’re too far in the base to even escape within a minute.” Aiden smiled before pressing yet another button and disappearing into thin air. “It doesn’t matter though. I lied; everything’s collapsing instantly.”

The ground beneath you began to shake and soon, the ceiling threatened to fall on all of you.

“Everyone get out of here immediately!” You shouted into the comm. You whirled around to face Loki and Thor, “we can only run, I’ll hold the ceiling up as much as I can.”

You held your hands up into the air and reached out for your magic. You felt a surge of magic flowing through you and you pushed it out, holding onto the ceiling while it threatened to fall.

Oh, my God, it’s heavy.

You ran with all of your might, holding the ceiling up. Grief, loss, anger, and sadness was surging in your system, generating more and more power. Thor’s right; these emotions are great motivators.

The exit was glowing right in front of your eyes. Light at the end of a tunnel, literally. You cried tears of joy, you were nearly there.

“After you guys!” You shouted, gesturing for the brothers to exit first. Thor swung his hammer and grabbed a protesting Loki, flying at a high speed towards the exit.

Who knew the last thing you heard was an explosion, the last thing you felt was the impact of the explosion hitting your back and the last thing you saw was the ceiling collapsing on you.

“(Y/N)!” The whole team screamed, scrambling towards the collapsed building. Thor desperately pulled out debris with his impressive muscles, his faced scrunched up in concentration as he struggled to lift every debris out of the way where you were standing.

Loki stood in shock. He felt numb. He shouldn't have left you behind, he should have protested against Thor and (Y/N)'s wishes and stayed with her. He could've saved her, at least.

"Loki. Loki! LOKI!" Thor bellowed as he shook Loki's shoulders violently. "(Y/N) needs our help, she's trapped underneath and who knows how long she can last. You've got to snap out of it and help us to get her out. Now's not the time to grief, we haven't lost her yet. There's still hope, brother."

Loki shuddered at the thought of losing you and snapped out of his grief. He ran over to where the team was, pulling out concrete after concrete. Beads of perspiration dotted their foreheads, trickling down their faces.

Not long after, Thor pulled out a huge piece of concrete wall and underneath was (Y/N)'s body. “I’ve found her!” He bellowed, pulling her body out from beneath the concrete and debris and out onto the grass.

Everyone grimaced at the state (Y/N) was in. There were nails and all sort of tiny metal scraps that pierced through her skin, some were so deep that it’s only possible to pull out with tweezers or through surgery. Her several parts of her body were charred but her face was, thankfully, untouched.

Thor carried you into the quinjet with Loki following suit, careful not to aggravate (Y/N)’s injuries any further.

Once Thor put her down, Loki ran towards her and pulled her limp body into a firm yet gentle hug. He grabbed her wrist to find a pulse and thankfully, there was a faint and slow heartbeat but he knew that it will stop anytime soon. Tears threatened to fall as Loki fought to swallow the lump in his throat.

Loki’s heart ached at the sight of (Y/N) in such a critical condition. His hand held hers so tightly as if her life was about to slip out of her any second. The Avengers just.... stared, shocked and unable to comprehend the situation, let alone Loki showing affection towards someone for the first time.

Loki placed his hands on your back where most of the nails hit you and reached out for his magic, pulling out the bits and pieces of metal in you. The nails were obviously in the bomb that exploded. Aiden seriously wanted you dead and it is a miracle that you survived that explosion.

“She’s alive but dying.” He croaked as it dumped all the nails he managed to pull out onto a metal tray, “I can only heal her so much.”

“We’re reaching soon, don’t fret. We got Fury to call in a team of medics. One she’s in the hands of the team, she’ll be fine.” Natasha spoke up in the midst of the silence when no one replied Loki.

“Loki, you cannot follow us into the surgical room.” Dr. Cho placed her hand on his chest and pushed him away gently.

“I need to see her. I want to know that she will be fine. I want to be there.” Loki’s voice cracked. There were so much pain and despair in his eyes it was impossible to resist.

Dr. Cho sighed, turning to one of her assistants, “let him into one of those rooms.”

That’s how Loki got into the Operating Room Observatory which was only accessible by doctors who are overseeing surgeries that are taking place in the operating theatre.

All Loki could hear was (Y/N)’s slow but steady heartbeat from the beeping of the heart monitor. That was all he heard through the 12 hours he sat there, staring while the doctors worked on almost every part of her body.

The sound of the very last and final piece of nail clanging against the metal tray rang through the room followed by the long suspirations of relief from the doctors and Loki themselves.

Her condition is finally stable.

The doctors stitched (Y/N) up and left the room, exhaustion taking over the adrenaline rush they felt during the surgery. Loki rushed down to meet the doctors while (Y/N) was being sent to a private ward.

“Ah, there you are. She’s still in critical condition but we’ll be monitoring her condition closely.” The doctors explained, “she may be in a comatose state for at least a week but it’s only an estimate.”

“Understood.” Loki breathed, “thank you.”

The doctors hesitated, not used to Loki’s politeness before they muttered a ‘you’re welcome’ in unison.

Darkness. That was all you could see.

“(Y/N), love?” You felt Loki put your hand in his and placed a soft kiss on the back of your hand. “Could you do me a favour? Just this once. This is the only favour I’m asking for.”

I’m listening.

“Please wake up. The doctors said you’d be in this state for at least a week and I don’t want that, darling. That’s all I’m asking for. I just want you to wake up, please.” Loki begged, his voice cracking at the end.

It broke your heart seeing (or hearing) him like this. You wanted to just squeeze his hand to tell him that you are okay. You will be awake soon.

That was when you realised how tired you were. All these years working for S.H.I.E.L.D and fighting alongside the Avengers, you never really took a good break for yourself. Maybe you should wake up later or maybe 4 days later. You just need a good proper rest before you go back to saving lives.

Just a little... while. Just... a... short... nap.

And you couldn’t hear Loki’s pleas anymore. No sound woke you up, not even a pin drop, not even Loki’s sobs.

Not even deafening beeping of your heart monitor.

The doctors’ break was cut off by an agonising scream. Loki.

They dashed into the ward, nurses were already there attempting to pull a flailing Loki away.

“Blood pressure is dropping, she’s going into cardiac arrest!”

“Epinephrine injection into the left ventricle.”

“Her heart is fibrillating.”

“220 Volts. Stand back. Charging.”

The sound of their voices was echoing through the room but Loki couldn’t hear anything. He froze where he sat, unable to comprehend what’s happening. All he could see was you and all he could hear was the deafening beep of the heart monitor.

You were dead, just like that.

How cruel could you be just ignoring his one favour from you? He didn’t manage to confess, to say how long he has been trying to court you. He didn’t get to know whether you felt the same towards him. He didn’t even get the chance to say ‘I love you’ for the first and last time. There were so many things he wanted to know and find out but all he did was to wait for the right time and opportunity, only to have it slip from his fingers from time to time. Now it’s too late.

He wanted a future with you; he wanted you to be his girlfriend, his wife, his queen and the mother to his future children. He wanted to rule Asgard by your side or at least be the princess of Asgard with him, the prince. All those dreams are now crushed and ruined with just a single indication from this stupid Midgardian technology that you are dead.

“Since you rejected my previous favour..” Loki slowly got up, “you owe me another one and that is to not be dead.”

Granted.

The steady beeping of your heart monitor sent relief through the room. Loki choked on his tears of happiness and glided towards you to sit beside your bed. He took your hand into his again, pressing his lips against it. He felt the warmth of your skin on his lips and he savoured it, appreciating every inch of warmth you gave him and the power he could feel surging in you again.

The next few days felt more and more painful. The Avengers took turns to look after you although it was mostly Nat and Loki fighting over who’s gonna go next, wanting to be the first person you see when you wake up.

“Asgard is a beautiful place. Maybe when you finally wake, I’ll take you there to see Frigga. She’ll love you.” Loki sighed. “You know, my favourite place in Asgard would be the royal gardens. I would take a short walk there whenever I got mad at the Allfather and Frigga knew that. She’d always know where to find me.”

“There was once I got so angry I ripped out all the golden roses in the garden because they reminded me of that stupid golden eye patch and all the gold the Allfather wears. It was a stupid and petty move and Frigga got really upset. The roses were her absolute favourite.” He chuckled at the memory, though a slight hint of anger hung in his words.

“She punished me by making me plant new roses and taking care of them until they fully bloom but I wasn’t allowed to use magic to aid in their growth.” Loki fiddled with his hands and bit his lip. “Golden roses are the most difficult to plant and I don’t have a green thumb, only a blue one.”

His laughter echoed through the room, bitter and cold.

“Enough with my life on Asgard. The Avengers’ Tower is silent without you and missions were tough without your support.” Loki started. He conjured a new book in his hands. Sherlock Holmes; your favourite. “I brought a new book for you today. It’s the one you’re currently reading: Sherlock Holmes. Let’s start off from where you stopped, shall we?”

“A Study In Scarlet. Chapter One. In the year 1878 I took my degree of Doctor of Medicine at the University of London, and proceeded to Netley to go through the course prescribed for surgeons in the army.” Loki started, his voice incredibly soothing.

“.. considerably interested in my new acquaintance.” Loki read the very last sentence of the chapter before slamming the book shut. He was clearly bored by the introduction.

“This book bores me terribly. I’m so not going to read it any further. You know what you should do, (Y/N)? You should wake up and read the book yourself.” Loki let out a frustrated groan. “It has been 7 days, (Y/N). Seven days! How long more do I have to wait just for you to wake up and be back to your normal cheery self? I’m upset, I’m frustrated, I’m in absolute despair and the only way you can help me feel MUCH better is to wake up.”

Loki buried his face in his hands. “I love you, (Y/N). God, I love you so much and I just want to know whether you feel the same and I..If you feel the same, I want you to say it back.”

Something wet and cold dripped onto your palm and you jerked at the temperature difference. Loki was too busy trying to wipe his tears away to notice your movement. Your eyes slowly cracked open, adjusting to the bright lights in the room.

Your face scrunched up at the brightness and Loki still didn’t notice.

“I love you too.” You croaked and grabbed his hand. Your throat was incredibly dry and you were parched.

Slowly, Loki’s frown grew into a grin and he didn’t hesitate to pull you into a hug, planting a kiss on your forehead. You couldn’t stop smiling but gosh, you need water desperately.

“Loki?” You squeaked, pointing to the jug of water beside you. Loki immediately understood and fumbled to pour a glass of water for you, his elegant facade completely forgotten.

“You have no idea how much I missed you and how much you’ve missed these few days,” said Loki as he passed you the water.

“I’m so glad you’re feeling better, love.” Loki pulled you close to him and you leaned on his chest, inhaling the smell of his bare chest.

He insisted on sleeping with you just in case you needed help in the middle of the night. You didn’t complain and in fact, loved his company. He often smothered you in tons of kisses before you slept and gave you so many pillows to support your legs and back while you slept.

He loved pampering you and honestly, who wouldn’t love a happy girlfriend?

“It’s time to sleep, love. Get off that Sherlock book of yours.” He chided playfully and snatched it from your hands before vanishing it into thin air.

You whined but was cut off with a peck on the lips, on each of your cheeks, on your forehead, on your chin, on your nose and on your lips again.

“Sleep tight, darling. I love you.”

“I love you too.” You giggled, snuggling closer to him.

I love you so much.

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