#a problematic case like this with a problematic human and linked it to their pasts with flashbacks.

[michaeljoncarter]

Why teh hatred for Inhumans? Just curious. :P Didn't they inspire the X-men?

no, they didn't. the x-men were actually around before the inhumans were created, and as far as i know, there was no real link between the two… but the fact that i completely understand where you could get that idea kinda perfectly sums up the issue with them later on lol

so basically, back in the mid-2010s when the mcu was in full swing, marvel reeeeally wanted to capitalize on one of their biggest franchises--the x-men--but couldn't because the film rights for them still belonged to fox... so they decided to try to get around this by pushing the inhumans, whose concept of "humans with genetic powers" is on its surface similar enough to mutants, in their place

the issue with this was/is that if you look even a little past the surface, the inhumans are quite possibly the worst possible group to try to turn into x-men 2 because where x-men stories deal heavily with themes of discrimination & oppressed groups, the inhumans are much more about… eugenics. like… just straight up eugenics

to shamelessly copy & paste from a couple screenrant articles about the failure of the inhumans show (and also just… inhumans concept in general) rather than bother to type out an explanation myself:

The Inhumans' Slave Class Makes The Heroes Impossible To Root For:

The real root of the difficulty that fans have connecting to Black Bolt and Medusa's mismatched clan isn't in their powers or their struggles; it's tied to their very origin story itself. Black Bolt and Medusa are descended from a lineage with its roots in eugenics or forced breeding to ensure that desirable traits become more common. It's a topical discussion with roots in our world like other Marvel properties, but it also ties into some of the darkest corners of human history. Eugenics is a widely disavowed practice and difficult for many to discuss with roots in the Nazi party. The Inhumans began as a race of homo sapiens who were experimented on by the alien Kree. When the Kree learned via a genetic prophecy that they'd be overthrown by one of their unwilling soldiers they stopped the experiments altogether. Cast out, their experiments dubbed themselves the "Inhumans" and formed their own society with its own rules and laws. These laws include the caste system which was seen in the show, as well as the system which keeps Inhumans without superpowers in a slave class called the "Alpha Primitives."

Agents of SHIELD Proved Inhumans Don't Work - By Turning Them Into Mutants:

It's easy to forget that even Marvel's best writers and artists were people of their times. In the case of the Inhumans, Stan Lee and Jack Kirby were directly influenced by the now-discredited science of eugenics, which was much more common back in the 1960s. This led them to create the Inhumans as a superhuman caste-based society, that appears to have had three tiers: - The Inhuman Royal Family sit at the top of this caste pyramid, holding the position by virtue of inheritance. - Then there are the general Inhumans, who - importantly - are never shown working. - The lowest caste are the Alpha Primitives, a slave-race who have been genetically engineered to have low levels of intelligence and only the most basic skills; they perform all the work. It's immediately easy to see why these tropes and concepts are, to put it mildly, problematic. According to the comics, the caste-based society has been forced upon the Inhumans because of limited resources, but that's really only a justification. It also brings with it disturbing questions of whether the secretive Genetic Council control breeding in the lower castes, given there aren't many resources to go around. This, sadly, is probably a major reason Inhumans series historically haven't tended to last long. One of the better runs launched in 1975, by Doug Moench and George Perez, and it lasted just 12 issues; another definitive run by Paul Jenkins and Jae Lee launched in 1998 and fared no better. The core concept just doesn't resonate.

ymmv on whether or not they have any appeal or staying power as a concept, but the issue here isn't whether or not their premise is busted. the problem & reason why i and most people who hate them hate them came from how marvel decided to go about replacing mutants with inhumans in the comics, which was via a FAMOUSLY terrible event that had the inhumans--and there really is no other way to explain it--just straight up commiting genocide

the inhumans flooded the earth with the "terrigen mist" that simultaneously activated the latent powers of people with inhuman genes who came into contact with it AND fucking killed or sterilized people with x-genes. and as if that wasn't enough, for some godforsaken reason, it was the mutants who were painted as villains in this scenario for trying to stop them, not the inhumans for doing it in the first place

as i'm sure you can imagine, a storyline that had a group whose core premise is Literally Eugenics killing & forcibly sterilizing arguably the most famous fictional allegory for oppression...ever went over about as well as a lead balloon

i really can't stress enough how much i am NOT exaggerating here. i know this might sound like typical "tumblr blowing fictional thing WAY out of proportion," and like. yeah, sure, but really, this shit was SO crazy that no matter where you looked, most people were saying versions of the same thing

to this day, it's still probably the most bizarre thing i've ever witnessed on the Comic Book Internet. marvel fucked up so bad that they somehow managed to momentarily dissolve boundaries & bring like every type of person together in united hatred of this bullshit. weirdly beautiful, in its own, incredibly annoying way

i can't even begin to get into the specifics of all the bullshit that happened during this era. if you want a summary, these three posts made as all of this was happening lay it all out pretty well. there's also this more recent resetera thread & this reddit post (one of many, but this one has my favorite comments of any i've seen) discussing it, both full of lots of good salt

like the vast majority of people, i had zero opinion on the inhumans before marvel used them to throw this little film rights hissy fit, but i came out of it fully a hater. this shit was so busted, it made me lose interest in marvel altogether, and i've only within the past year or so started to pick it back up

from everything i've seen, fans of the inhumans were just as annoyed by this as x-men fans, and i've heard the few inhumans series that exist and put a much more critical lens on their concept are actually pretty good. i can definitely see the potential in a fucked up concept like this, but the specific version of inhumans presented in this era?? genuinely some of the worst shit marvel has ever published

my hatred is undying and just completely irrational at this point. i won't be satisfied until every character that was pointlessly inhuman-ed to their detriment has been put back the way they were & all traces of this dogshit era have been well and truly erased from history

#ask #anonymous #LONG post #this ask gave me flashbacks fjgnkjfn #the mid/late-2010s x-men fan struggle #i've had trips to the emergency room that i enjoyed more than ivx #scott summers should be the first fictional character to be considered an actual irl martyr for how brutally they slaughtered him

[astraltrickster]

Y'know I have to wonder...I'm not the first person who's noticed that the push toward algorithmic Content Delivery(TM) pretty much EVERYWHERE but here and AO3 is probably at least partially responsible for a lot of no-problematic-content-allowed-on-any-social-media-ever kind of thinking. I'm not the first one to notice that "you need to curate your own experience" probably rings pretty hollow to people who "live" primarily on Twitter and TikTok and YouTube and Instagram and Pinterest and wherever else just decides to throw stuff related to ANYTHING you've glanced at into your "personalized" feed - easier said than done! Like, this is an underappreciated part of why those of us who remember it miss the internet's wild west days - people fell down radicalizing rabbit holes, but those rabbit holes didn't come incessantly banging on their doors, filling up their autoplay lists, all because they accidentally clicked on some troll link once. Imagine if your morbid curiosity about why everyone was grossed out by that 2girls1cup video (don't Google that), your desire to prove you were Tough Enough to laugh through your disgust, or even just your foolhardiness in clicking an unfamiliar link that happened to lead to it ended up filling your feed with extreme scat porn for months - because that's what would happen today, along with a whole bunch of other shock porn, some gore, all that "fun" shit that tended to be related. You see Tubgirl (don't Google that) once, you probably go "EWWWWWW LMAO GROSS HOW AND WHY WTF" and move on with your life...maybe with a lingering twinge of morbidly amused curiosity through your disgust as to how the FUCK someone figures out they can DO that - but if you see her or someone similarly, uh, talented every 20 posts, to the point where you can't browse your feed in public or around your friends or family anymore, because the algorithm is convinced, well, you clicked through out of morbid curiosity as to whether that thumbnail was REALLY as gross and graphic as it looked so OBVIOUSLY this is a good way to keep your attention, yeah that's a LOT worse. Hell, imagine if a 4chan troll stole your friend's account, sent you a link to a beheading video pretending to be them, and suddenly you're FLOODED with snuff vids because you DARED to trust a link that was sent by "your friend"! If we had the culture and in many cases lax rules we had then with the infrastructure we have today, that would very likely be a daily occurrence. That shit had the potential to be traumatic enough then - well, if you lived through it, now imagine if the internet would never let you escape it from then on, the algorithm would keep chasing you down with more and more material running the gamut from just plain gross unless you share some very niche fetish to outright traumatizing just on its own; this faceless, unfeeling entity coldly retraumatizing you again and again and again and again and again.

If that's your template for the ONLY way the internet works - hell, if you're so spoiled by these Jitterbugified content discovery methods that you don't know how to find things you like manually anymore and the very concept sounds like too much work - then of course you're going to end up wanting most sites to be pretty conservative in what content is allowed. There are, of course, better solutions; we HAVE them and HAVE had them in the past, but it is very human for better and worse to look for the easiest quick fix.

But what I can't help but wonder is if this norm is having a cultural effect that's broader than just internet fights, and making people more sympathetic to far-right calls for censorship in the real world.

Look. It's not 1998 anymore. The internet isn't some niche thing that stops affecting people the moment we log off. It's rarer to find someone without social media than with anymore. Sure, okay, some people have VERY distorted ideas of the importance of individual posts and petty arguments between 5 people, but just because the stakes of your ship war or your debate over model train scales or the argument over whether that blurry bird photo is a crow or a raven may be exaggerated doesn't make it suddenly untrue that online disinformation has severely harmed public health, or been used for election interference, or all kinds of other awful shit with SERIOUS real-world consequences in recent years. In fact, the signs of the regressive movement we're facing now WERE visible in the rhetoric being used to justify some of those terminally online takes about inconsequential subjects months to years before the same rhetoric started being entertained on national stages, with gradually increasing frequency until those ideas became Acceptable To Say In Meatspace - the people who mastered the delicate balancing act of being Online Enough to see this but Offline Enough to recognize what rhetoric was at risk of breaching containment from those petty online nothing arguments, THOSE were the people who saw this shit coming!

So, when the internet has this potential to have this kind of stochastic impact on culture, I then have to wonder...is Silicon Valley's obsession with algorithms and ads and bridging the physical world and the digital world actually convincing people on some level that even offline, if something is allowed to exist at all, they're OBLIGATED to see it, try it, and welcome it into their homes, more than conservatives already were before? And if it is, is this particular layer intentional, or is it just a happy little accident for these tech corporate fucks that it ends up pushing people farther and farther to the right without realizing what's happening?

#tech #internet culture #serious tag #also please note my cries of ''don't google that'' are not reverse psychology i'm not trying to trick you into doing it #they're scat porn. they're just infamously weird pieces of scat porn. there. spoiler given. so don't google them. #especially not in public #they were very popular to trick people into looking at back in the day

[sophieinwonderland]

Okay, I want to break down this post that made it to the top of the syscourse tag, especially since it was vagueing an earlier conversation with me.

For the first point, the term "plural" was used specifically to distance itself from OSDD/DID, as an alternative to "multiple" which was more used in OSDD/DID spaces at the time. I assume then that this statement isn't about the term "plural" being intrinsically linked to DID/OSDD but rather, the concept of being multiple beings in one body itself.

And that, I feel, is an equally problematic claim. Spiritual possession has existed throughout the entire world in nearly every culture throughout human history. In contrast, OSDD/DID were only recognized as medical disorders in the past couple hundred years or so. Most plurality throughout history has been considered spiritual in nature. OSDD/DID systems don't own a monopoly on the concept, nor do they even make up the majority of people who could technically fall under the plural umbrella.

As for this hypothetical, sure, it can happen in some case. But OSDD and DID are already highly comorbid with a large number of other disorders. I legitimately wonder how many endo-identifying traumagenic systems with PTSD symptoms with suicidal ideation who aren't in therapy already would suddenly decide to seek help if they knew they had a dissociative disorder on top of that.

Most of the time, this is just stacking one extra diagnosis onto a pile. And if someone's not getting treated for other issues, why would they get treated for this one?

There's obviously value in getting the diagnosis for treatment purposes, but this seems like it could usually be worked out between therapists and patients naturally over the course of treatment for other conditions.

(By the way, I believe the statistic that this is referencing is that 70% of outpatients diagnosed with DID had attempted suicide. This is not a suicide rate. That's obviously way too high and I'm not saying this to minimize the statistic, but because I want to keep facts straight. Also, this study was focused strictly on DID, and did not include OSDD systems as the quote suggests.)

It's never just been about how this hurts non-disordered plurals. That's narrow-minded. It's about how psychiatry as a whole handles and should handle mental health.

The focus of mental health programs is helping people reach a point that's healthy for themselves, not just stopping them from being "different."

For tulpamancy, specifically, many tulpamancers report improvements in symptoms of other disorders because of their plurality. It's likely the same would prove true for other non-OSDD/DID systems If a non-OSDD/DID system is seeking treatment for reasons unrelated to their plurality, trying to diagnose them with a dissociative disorder and convince them that a system that's been overall beneficial to their mental health is part of a disorder can be extremely harmful to the system's mental health.

In the case of someone with MDD who create a tulpa for companionship, the plurality should be seen as a form of treatment to an existing condition, not a disorder, and attempting to treat the plurality could deprive a "DISORDERED" person something that's helping them to heal.

But let's go beyond that and talk about religious considerations. Like I said, the first plurality was spiritual. Should all instances of possession where a spiritual identity takes over be considered pathological? What about voices?

The book When God Talks Back describes religious practices where certain evangelical Christian groups speak to "God" until they can have two-way conversations with it in ways that resemble mind-voice communication. (Also mentioned here.) Should we deem this form of voice-hearing inherently pathological due to similarities to certain hallucinatory experiences, even though the evangelicals (like the tulpamancers) report positive health benefits with no notable impairment?

I know some atheists have the meme that religion is a mental illness, but at what point would medicalizing all experiences of voice hearing and dissociative identity states become religious discrimination?

Finally, let's come back to how this affects disordered systems. You say that you're not saying systems need final fusion, and that's great. But you're supporting the same mentality that leads to that, by pathologizing the experience of plurality itself.

If plurality is inherently pathological, then why wouldn't final fusion be the ideal option for healing 100% of the time? That's the logic used by singlets who think final fusion is the only valid goal for therapy, and don't understand why any system would choose to remain plural.

When you shift the definition of a disorder to any experience of being different, you then subsequently shift the goal of therapy to reaching normalcy and fitting in with society rather than achieving a personal standard of health. And that's sanism.

In the end, I think we're lucky that the American Psychiatric Association is intelligent enough to acknowledge and recognize that not all presentations of similar symptoms should be considered pathological in the DSM-5, and it's integral that we continue to defend that going forward against people who would seek to medicalize non-medical experiences.

#syscourse #multiplicity #mental health #psychiatry #psychology #therapy #plural #endogenic #plural system #endogenic system #actually endogenic #actually plural #science #systems #system #plurality #pro endo #pro endogenic #mental illness #sanism #tw suicide mention

[rptgossip]

You can do with this what you like but I highly suspect that the new rpc-home-truths is Nolan in disguise. Dude has been a problem in the tumblr rpc since 2015 stealing theme codes and original character ideas and plagiarizing other media sources for his “original rp” plots and claiming it all his own. On top of that he’s known for hella godmodding in threads, harassing and stalking his partners that he gloms onto because they have a male fc he’s super attracted to, blatantly ignores female characters because he’s not interested in m/f romance/smut, ignores rp lore, and has been kicked out of a few groups, like Empire and Corinth Bay to name a couple recent ones that I know of, for his behavior. He’s also been racist and misogynistic with the premade characters and lore he’s created in his own rps. And when he’s kicked out and called out for his shit? Gaslighting for days to paint himself as a victim. He’s still going on about drama from 2015 where he was 100% the aggressor and problem.

I know it sounds crazy and conspiratory. That rpc-home-truths talks a lot like how Nolan does, using “staff” as opposed to “admin” or “mod,” and I bet is about to rehash the whole shit he did from his perspective again. The blog just hid their likes but I saw a few pics of nearly naked buff dudes plus a photo set of Joshua Orpin, who is a fc Nolan has been using frequently since 2020.

Here is the link to his last-known rp blog from Corinth Bay: https://www.tumblr.com/callum-marcoh

His account where he continues rehashing his past problematic behavior from a victim narrative in novella format: https://zachnovak.tumblr.com/

And this thread has a pretty good breakdown of his behavior from a couple people in Corinth Bay: https://binxrps.tumblr.com/post/630553132533940224/wiscowrites-loganlcrmans-jayrpssometimes

Okay this is a lot. I have a lot of thoughts so i’m going to bullet point. But firstly do not send hate to this blog or any of the blogs mentioned above. That shit just keeps the fire going and responding to toxic behavior with toxic behavior gets no one anywhere. Moving on 

This guy has been called out many times over the years. I remember lurking and reading about him over and over again. In cases like these if you're the common denominator you're probably the problem. And you should probably start looking introspectively on what went wrong 

That 2nd link to his blog is wild…. I scrolled through a couple of pages and there's just straight up smut out there in the open? I know I just preached about being open to someone not knowing something but I think everyone should know what the read more button is and use it ? Like i’m all for smut but c’mon some of us rp at work and yes people should know the risks of doing that but the read more button is right there- and on a definitely more important note, it could be super triggering

At this point the proof is right there.  This isn’t a ‘witch hunt’ or ‘drama’ this is a person with some serious issues who should be avoided at all costs. And to have an rpc-home-truths defending them using that vocabulary is disgusting. The internet can 100% have an affect on people's mental health, and Nolan’s actions has affected many people .he should be named, shamed, and blocked

The last part is going under read more it because it discuss triggering topics which are all tagged below 

Speaking of rpc-home-truths its been really gross in their defense of Nolan. One of them posted a scenario that put out a scenario about s*uicide basically victim blaming the ‘mob’ or whoever is against Nolan, Except as an example she used her daughter. And to top it off put in the tags with no trigger warning or tags, and it is still up as of now. I find this disgusting, I am not a mother but why would you put that energy out into the world about your daughter?? Its gross and manipulative. And to not have it tagged? I feel like anyone rping who are decent humans know that has to be tagged. It should have never been posted in the first but at least tag it or warn people in some way so they can choose to ignore it. 

Call me a coward but I have blocked them already( and screenshotted the post in case they delete and act like that it never happened), they have a blog they can defend themselves on but how that was handled has given me enough information on who they are as people and I don’t want to see them or  interact with them.

#rpt #tw mental illness #tw suicide #suicide tw #I hope I tagged this correctly please let me know if I need to add more

[found--family]

 there was gordon and that demon!vessel guy but i want more  i want a case where TFW 2.0 follow a lead to what at first it seems like a human serial killer (Sam wanted to check it out bc ofc he did) but it turns out all the victims are monsters and that splits the group: two of them think it's a hunter just doing their job, the other two think it's a monster on a killing spree. turns out they're all right: it's not a creature-monster though, just a twisted human playing Hunter, someone whose life was adversely affected by monsters in their youth so they grew up to hunt them -- without bothering to differentiate between Bad Monsters and Good Monsters, they just saw /not human/ and killed them. think Lenore and Benny and Garth and Kate. this person is what Dean and Sam almost became, what John was forcing them towards, and how many of their early cases were for not-bad-monsters? how many Good Monsters did John kill on his solo hunts or where did Dean wasn't privy to all the information? basically the whole case dredges up details of the boys' past they'd rather not revisit but they can't not look closer at now. 

#case fic #motw #tfw 2.0 #saving people hunting evil the found family business #hunter husbands #thoughts #angst with a happy ending #early season 13 would probably be a good placement for this - after Cas gets back but Jack doesn't disappear to apoc world or whatever #i know they touched on the whole hunting-isnt-black-and-white thing in canon a few times but they never focused on #a problematic case like this with a problematic human and linked it to their pasts with flashbacks.

[alasse-earfalas]

(response to this post by @ihaveabsolutelynoideas)

[cracks knuckles] Ohh there are so many things I want to say to this.

First, a disclaimer: these are fictional characters in a fictional setting that has no bearing on anything. I get that. But debates can be fun and I’ve got plenty of fuel for this fire, so imma let it burn. No hard feelings toward the OP. ‘Kay? ‘Kay.

Now then.

First of all, I completely understand where Four is coming from. He’s thinking in line with the OP, and it’s a logical, rational train of thought. Twilight is stressed. Twilight is fighting for his life. The last thing he needs right now is to worry about Wild, or any of the others, and Wild bursting in with his current demeanor would be a terrible idea.

However.

This entire argument rests upon the assumption that Wild is in control of his emotional state. He’s not. I know that sounds like a poor excuse, but I’m speaking both from personal experience as well as what I’ve learned about human psychology over the years. Does trauma excuse terrible actions? No, of course not. Does trauma need to be met with caring and compassion? Yes. The traumatized person is still a person. People who do bad things are still people. Wild is not so far gone that he can’t be talked down. Yelling at him that he abandoned the others—even if true—is not the way to go about it. Not right now. Wild is hurting. He’s scared. Way more than the rest of them; so much so that it’s clouding his judgement. And no one is addressing that.

What does Twilight need? Twilight needs Wild to calm down, because if Wild doesn’t calm down, he will find a way to get to Twilight, and it won’t be pretty. Four is not de-escalating the situation, he’s escalating it. He’s making things worse. He’s not comforting Wild, he’s scolding him. Four is expecting Wild to respond to this situation like the rest of the Links would. But Wild’s friendship with Twilight is different.

Yes Four and the other Links have a friendship with Twilight, even a close friendship, but saying their friendship is comparable to Wild’s is laughably inaccurate. Time is the only one who has any clout here because his relationship with Twilight is as deep as Wild’s. Twilight isn’t just a good friend to either of them: he’s family. He’s precious. In Wild’s case, he’s all Wild has. It’s a depth of friendship that goes far beyond what the other Links feel for him. You cannot reasonably expect them to respond the same.

Time and Wild are at two ends of the spectrum: Time has given up (or is very near giving up), and Wild is refusing to let go. Time lets go too soon because he always expects a parting. Wild clutches for dear life because he can’t bear the thought of losing anyone else. Both are natural responses to the traumas they’ve suffered. Wild’s is just more problematic to this situation.

Feelings can’t be “fixed later” if they are causing problems in the moment. Wild’s feelings are going to pose a real problem to Twilight if they aren’t addressed and handled properly. Wild is far past the point of being able to deal with his emotions on his own, and Four is not helping the situation. Wild doesn’t need his emotions coddled because “aw poor baby”, he needs real help working through his panic so he doesn’t make things worse.

As I mentioned at the start, it’s understandable that Four would react this way, because he’s expecting Wild to react like how the other Links would. That doesn’t make him right in what he’s doing. Four is viewing Wild as a problem, not as a person. And that is going to, at the very least, break trust if not backfire spectacularly and bring about the very scenario of Wild bursting in on Twilight that Four is trying so desperately to avoid.

I have my ideas on how this situation should be handled, but ultimately I just want to wait for future updates to see where Jojo takes things. The fact that this fandom can have such in-depth discussions about what’s happening is a testament to the quality of the writing.

That is all, I think. Take care everyone.

#linked universe #linkeduniverse #lu #lu wild #lu twilight #lu four #i wrote an essay #i'm sorry #like i said #everyone needs hugs #and I don't know how to tumblr #sorry for the double post #i'm learning

[lime-bloods]

the biological link between Beforans and Alternians is difficult. Meenah and Feferi are clones of each other, so they're the same species; if Beforans are different from Alternians, then Meenah and all her friends would be considered mutants there. if Alternians are different from Beforus then Feferi and co. are all mutants instead, which is even more problematic given Alternia's culture.

the first stumbling block is that we don't really know "where" life comes from in Homestuck's cosmology. for a lack of any other information, we might assume evolution and natural selection rule, as in real life; but how can there be any "natural" selection in a world where paradox clones exist? Jake doesn't have parents or a family tree; he's not descended from any human being. so was he intelligently designed? and if he was, does that mean the rest of humanity was "intelligently designed" to be like him?

we can't be totally sure this isn't the case, as per. Book 3, p. 459:

Skaia sacrifices the planet of origin so that its child (a new universe) may have a chance to be born. But it simultaneously seeds the dead planet with the potential for new life and civilization (exiles), and retroactively seeds the planet with the children who would fertilize Skaia with the new universe. This is the essence of the universal creation cycle. Sacrifice the old to make way for the new. Life rises again from the ashes of the old. Rinse and repeat. Something else to wonder: how often has Earth itself been through this process before humanity came along?

exiles arrive on the destroyed Earth with all the technology they need to start everything all over again; so if this has happened before, who's to say carapacians didn't engineer humankind in a lab?

but gl'bgolyb was introduced at the dawn of trollkind's sentience - anywhere between thousands and hundreds of millions of years in the past, depending on how Scratch interprets the nebulous concept of 'sentience' - and when Becquerel first arrived on Earth, pterosaurs still soared the skies. so when a scratch happens, there's the potential for the evolutionary tree to branch significantly before the paradox clones are even meteoric twinkles in the sky. so when those carapacians were designing trolls in a lab, were they designing the trolls that would come to exist on Beforus, or the trolls that Feferi and her friends would live amongst?

@raguna-blade points out that "genes are in themselves a kind of idea" (coincidentally something I found I had also said in the past while I was searching for the above Book 3 commentary); so in the way that ideas tend to sink into the void and then rise back up again throughout time in Homestuck, it wouldn't be too farfetched to assume that, given enough time, the same genetic ideas would eventually assert themselves on both Beforus and Alternia. but Alternia has also been subject to a pervasive eugenics program for an unknown stretch of time; and Scratch knows that as a scratch doctor, his job isn't to totally rewrite every part of Alternia, but to make sure the broad strokes remain the same while altering the details to fit his own narrative. Alternia's history isn't an original work, it's only his fanfiction of what the trolls should be like. (we also see this philosophy at work in the history of Skaianet Systems, where Scratch's protege Meenah crosses over to the post-scratch Earth and works behind the scenes to make sure events take place in roughly the same way, right down to cloning John's father to act as an identical father to Jane).

Meenah was a teenager in Beforus' modern day; so when her meteor arrived on Alternia, centuries or thousands or millions of years in the past, was she advanced for her race? had trolls been selectively bred in preparation for her arrival, or did her arrival mark the initiation of a new ideal troll form, sending subsequent generations of her race on a trajectory that would lead to the perfect conditions for her identical descendant Feferi? in either case the long con of Scratch's eugenic master plan is revealed; there is no perfect Alternian warrior race. Meenah's trolls aren't being bred "toward" anything, to be good at conquering or playing games; they're being bred to make sure they stay exactly the same as they always were, and never become anything new.

#this has been discussed at length before I think #but the homestuck commentary is relatively new info #and I'm trying to get into the habit of not taking for granted that my audience are as read on the Deep Homestuck Discourse as i

[thebookworm0001]

Stolen Moments

Rating: General

Pairing: Solavellan

Summary: Ellana and Solas steal a moment alone. Alternatively: solavellan did not get a repeatable kiss scene and I'm fixing that.

AO3 Link: here

edit: Now with artwork from @rosenrotxiii​ you can find here

Solas was waiting for her in the secret library. Over the past few weeks, it had become their meeting spot whenever either of them wanted a few moments alone with the other. After stealing a kiss in the rotunda and being met with playful harassment from their resident not-a-magister, they’d determined a more private location was necessary for their occasional rendezvous. The library underneath the main hall offered privacy - few people knew of its existence and fewer still used it with any regularity - as well as any number of excuses for why and to where they had disappeared. With one of the entrances being in the hall to Josephine’s office and the war room and the other located off the kitchens, there were plenty of reasons for either of them to have wandered in its direction, not to mention the helpful fact that the tomes in the library were cover enough. They’d both cultivated reputations for being bookworms after hours spent pouring over the texts in the rotunda and the small collections they’d amassed in their separate rooms. The ease of access, however, could be problematic at times. As was the case today.

 When she had asked for a word with Solas, doing her best to sound professional for the listening ears above, she had wasted no time in heading toward the door adjacent to Josie’s office. Unfortunately for all involved, a visiting Orlesian dignitary who had so been looking forward to meeting the Herald of Andraste and whom had clearly overstayed her welcome, judging by the subtle tightness that graced her ambassador’s features, caught her moments before she could disappear down the stairwell. Whether the conversation had lasted two minutes or two hours before the woman could be persuaded to tour the grounds was a mystery, though it had certainly felt like the latter. And It had certainly been long enough for her to worry that Solas may have determined she was unable to make their meeting, which happened with more frequency than she cared for. More than once her duties as Inquisitor or Herald or whatever new human title had been laid on her demanded she set aside all else to attend to whatever new demons threatened them, literal and metaphorical. That Solas understood her burden gave her more comfort than he knew, but it did little to assuage her guilt.

When she was finally able to slip down the stairwell and past the heavy door, Solas was pouring over the mysterious tome that had been on display since the day they arrived. He was stunning. The candlelight warmed his face, cutting deep shadows under the sharp angles of his cheekbones and jaw. His head was bowed, brows furrowed in concentration as a lithe finger traced the faded text. The dust that hung in the air gave the scene impression of one of the murals they’d encountered in ancient ruins, sparkling in the light though the gilding had long worn away and no less overwhelming for the lack of it.

She was loathe to interrupt him, content to watch him for hours. To appreciate how the thick wool of his tunic softened but could not disguise the strength in his back and arms. To commit to memory how his freckles disappeared into the lines of his crow’s feet when his eyes squinted in concentration. But there was time enough for that, and she’d asked him here to do more than simply stare. Ellana stepped forward, her soft soled shoes silent on the stone floor, until she was beside Solas, her shape casting a shadow on the tome. His head snapped up, confusion quickly melting into a soft smile.

Then his lips were on hers. A hand found its way into her hair, cradling the back of her head and gently tilting it to his, while the other sought its home on the curve of her ass. Ellana wound her arms around his neck and pulled herself closer to him until she could feel every inch of his body against her own. Solas breathed hard. And she melted into the way his arms tensed around her as though he could hold her close enough that not even the veil could fit between them. He always held her, always kissed her as though he would never again get the chance. It spoke to some sleeping part of her. One that craved and demanded an urgency she’d never understood. It was new, discovering she might want his touch for more than the simple joy of connection. She parted her lips in silent invitation. Solas answered in kind, sliding his tongue along her bottom lip then slipping past it to deepen their kiss. He tasted of chocolate and apricot. His desire to swipe one of the Orlesian frilly cakes he loved so much from the kitchen apparently more than a convenient excuse. Ellana couldn’t help the smile that crept onto her face, nor how it strengthened when she felt Solas smiling back.

When it became clear she would be unable to school her expression into something more relaxed and any attempt to continue the kiss would lead to a fit of giggles on her part, she pulled away and began the process of untangling herself from him. Solas caught one of her hands as she slid it from his neck and wove his fingers with hers. He seemed to study the way they came together, an ever-present thread of sadness running through the affection that shone in his eyes.

“Thank you,” Ellana said, her voice thick, “for waiting.” His gaze rose to meet hers, and her mouth went dry at the emotion she saw there.

“You are well worth the wait, Vhenan.”

Ellana kissed him again. It was barely more than a slant of her lips against his, but it was warm. And felt like home. Soon enough, though, they broke apart once more.

“You will be missed.” He spoke softly, his words tickling her ears. She pressed her forehead to his, willing them a few more moments before someone inevitably began to track them down, before reluctantly pulled away again.

She gathered up her walls, carefully putting them back up until she found the person called inquisitor behind them. Solas did the same. She was always amazed at how quickly he found and put on the lonely apostate, but she saw the cracks and seams better now. And he didn’t wrap himself in it quite so tightly now. She found she had more room to breathe too.

He lifted her hand and kissed the back of it, then they left the library together, hands tangled together until they cleared the doorway, both able to find a bit more room for themselves in their duties.

#my writing #solas #lavellan #solavellan #dragon age #ellana lavellan #then she put pen to paper

[potteresque-ire]

Not sure if this has circulated before, but here’s a link to Henry Jenkin’s reactions to 227, largely as responses to an interview he did with Sanlian Lifeweek magazine (三聯生活周刊), a publication modelled after TIME magazine and published under China Press Publishing group (中國出版集團), the largest and state-owned publisher in China. The magazine asked for Jenkin’s opinions on the fandom-related aspects of 227 back in March, 2020. Henry Jenkins, as many may already know, is among the most renowned scholars of (Western) fan culture ... if not the most renowned.

Personally, I find this article to be quite limited in perspective, because 227 had a significant non-fandom-oriented, sociopolitical component ~ and hence its scope, its chaos, its damage. IMO, 227 stopped being a fan war, stopped being about solos, cpfs, and even Gg the moment AO3 was shut down ~ the powerful Chinese state had intervened, and the incident necessarily became a political incident. That One Fic on AO3, the conflict between solos and cpfs about whether and where That Fic should exist was at most a lighter left at the scene of what would become the blaze; it wasn’t even responsible for igniting the first fire. Most i-turtles (i-fruits?) are probably aware too at this point: if fan wars are sufficient to start 227, then there wouldn’t have been a 227 ~ because 227 would have been every date of the year.

Fan culture is fundamentally transgressive, and what that means can only be defined in the context of the subculture’s “mainstream” sociopolitical and cultural environment. I therefore find the article’s attempt to transplant Western fan culture’s observations / theories / analysis / conclusions to the incident without explicitly comparing, addressing in depth the differences of the pre- and post-transplant environment to be ... prone to rejections (as organs are after transplantations!)—exclusion from being useful or valid. And this article was very short on such comparisons or address. Jenkins being a fandom expert aside (and he was careful about not treading outside his area of expertise), early “antis” of 227 presented themselves as crusaders for the freedom of speech and, by late March when this article was published, the heated debates surrounding the incident on Chinese social media had already led to embarrassment for multiple powerful state publications. It was probably a wise choice to not make another dive into the political aspects of the incident.

Being a new(-ish) turtle who joined the fandom a full half-year after 227, I’ve been backtracking, trying to really understand the incident, which remains very much beyond comprehension in many aspects. The discussions I’ve dug up that have most fascinated me have been those in non-fandom spaces, by non-fandomers / politics enthusiasts who barely knew who Gg was, who didn’t know That One Fic involved more than one idol and had zero knowledge about solos vs cpfs. In these discussions, “antis” are not referred to as “antis” because while the action of the so-called “227 coalition” was to kill Gg’s career, that wasn’t considered its ultimate goal ~ its ultimate goal was to warn whoever tried to clamp down the freedom of expression that their opposition was strong enough, populous to fight back and take away whatever, whoever those who attempted the clamp-down care the most about. In this case, “Gg fans”—I put this in quotes because eventually, no one would know who would lurk behind those pro-Gg Weibo IDs (and the anti-Gg ones as well)—were the perceived enemies of creative freedom. Gg, assumed to be the one, the symbol of what “GG fans” cared about the most, naturally became the target of the coalition.

Gg wasn’t special in that sense ~ and that was perhaps, the saddest thing I found about this incident as a Gg fan (without quotation marks); Gg could be any idol who achieved top fame at the moment, who had enough fans to make the point known. The coalition was therefore not “anti-Gg” in its ideological sense. It was anti the fan circle culture that had cemented Gg’s popularity, that had already been known to deal extremely poorly with dissent—complaints had been abound that c-ent was no longer fun for bystanders because the latter could issue no critique, not even doubt, about an idol without the fear of being reported, torn down by fans. The coalition eventually grew to include anti the many happenings, the many censorships and imprisonments in the past few years that had silenced the creative crowd in China, happenings people dared not speak about beyond a loud grumbling ...

The coalition tried to take down Gg, because they couldn’t take down the force that had shut down AO3, that was truly responsible for the silencing. They played the Hunger Games in the Weibo arena instead of challenging Who The Real Enemy Was, because some might not have given much thought about  The Enemy; some might have thought the Enemy too invincible to be worth the effort; some might have got too carried away by their blood thirst, the cruel schadenfreude of shredding a beautiful, successful young man into pieces, and forgot why they were there in the first place ... 

And that was only the political side of 227. 227 was also widely suspected to have a commercial component, which added another layer to the symbolism behind Gg the Idol ~ pretty much as soon as 227 happened, netizens investigated, tried to uncover the chain of capital behind Gg. With the scent of money was the memory of filth associated with it, in a country not exactly  unknown for its corrupt business practices. Much like in The Book of Exodus in the Bible, the Idol is believed to be forged with gold; it is ungodly, tainted. Whether Gg the Person was identical to Gg the Idol, Gg the Symbol mattered to few. That Gg *was* a person seemed lost to many ... 

I’ll have to dive into the non-fandom aspects of 227 with more rigour. As much as I'd love to leave 227 behind, every time I see Gg, I see its legacy on his face, in his smile, and perhaps, I’m not the only one ~ ADLAD cast him as Patient #5 because of 227′s effect on him. Put it another way, 227 is already modifying, writing Gg’s career trajectory ~ a trajectory that is undoubtedly under scrutiny by many who wish to duplicate his success but circumvent his pain. And every time I see a young idol—Gg, Dd, and anyone else—I wonder if the hurt of 227 can happen to them (again) because the crux of the incident has never been resolved; the oppression and silencing have remained strong as ever. 

Anyway (sorry for the rant) ... what I found noteworthy about this article was the quotes the magazine highlighted in its published form (in Chinese), which weren’t highlighted by Jenkins on his own website. They reflected what the magazine would like to be the take-home messages of the interview. I’ve listed them below; all of which had Jenkins as the speaker:

[Pie Note: About Real Person Fiction (RPF) in Western fandoms]

“American fans often do have some shared norms about what is and is not appropriate to write, mostly having to do with protecting the privacy of other people in the star’s life. Writing about the star is seen as fair game; writing about their family members is not.”

---

[Pie Note: About GG being “cast” as a transgender woman in The One Fic that started the incident; gender in fandom]

“We write fan fiction as a form of speculation and exploration. For some people, it may be one of the few spaces in the culture where they can express who they are, what they are feeling, what they are desiring. And for others, it is a place of “what if” where they explore in fantasy things they would not necessarily desire in reality.” 

---

[Pie Note: Whether GG should be held responsible for his fans’ behaviour]

“Under these circumstances, I would not hold a performer responsible for his fans’ behaviors but the performer is responsible for their own behavior and fans may respond negatively to performers who over-react to the existence of alternative fantasies and insult or hector their audiences.”    

---

[Pie Note: About AO3 and why fans were so upset about its closure] “Keep in mind that AO3 is a particular kind of platform. Alongside Wikipedia, AO3 is one of the greatest accomplishments of participatory culture in the digital era.”

---

[Pie Note: About the “problematic” content on AO3]

“Among my findings were that fan fiction sites can be a valuable space for young people to acquire skills (and receive feedback) on their writing from more experienced writers who share these same passions ... That said, while teens have participated in fandom, a large part of those on AO3 are adults, engaging in adult conversations on adult topics.”

---

[Pie Note: About media text in the new media era]

“First, I would stress the proliferation of media texts at the current moment ... We have access to a much broader range of media content than ever before and in this context, fans play a constructive role in curating that content, helping some shows get greater visibility ...  Second, these texts have become more malleable”

---

[Pie Note: About idols not producing “good” media texts]

“Rather, the question should be what are fans finding meaningful about these performers and the texts they generate. I start from the premise that human beings do not engage in meaningless activities. I may not immediately recognize why something is meaningful but my job as a scholar is to understand why cultural materials are meaningful to the people who cherish them.”

---

My understanding of this selection of quotes is this: this state publication (as others) was quite ready to forgive Gg, to put this incident behind. It could choose to not publish this interview; it could choose to leave out certain quotes, or not do the highlighting that cast both AO3 and Gg in a positive / innocent light. But it did all these things. This article furthers my impression that the state never intended 227 to blow up the way it did, and that it did—enough for stories about it to be found in non-China websites, and in English—was what I’m still trying to comprehend. 227 was, admittedly, how I was first introduced to Gg beyond Wei Wuxian. And as I got to know Gg, like Gg, my want to understand 227 only becomes stronger, perhaps because only through comprehension I feel I can find peace for the GG fan (again, without quotation marks) in me.

Maybe I should email Dr Jenkins and ask if he’s looking for a PhD candidate. 5 years of research and thinking ... maybe that’s what it’ll take. 

I feel I’ve already started anyway. 

#pie metas #yizhan #bjyx

[little-red-toyota]

Final good bye to the fandom

TW//Trauma, triggers, nsfw, sexual themes, rape, domestic abuse e.g.

This is gonna be a long ass post…

It has taken me a while to get emotionally strong enough to do this, as I will have to think back at some traumatic events from my past to address some of these things. That's why I waited until I got home from vacation with my family, as it will seriously affect my mood and mental health, and I want to be near my doctor and therapist, just in case.

And also, I know that the majority of those reading this will invalidate me and tell me I am making things up to clear my name. So, I literally have to torment myself to write a blog post people will just brush off as bogus anyway. But I will do it now that I am in safe surroundings. Then it will be off my chest, and I can finally move on. If people will continue stirring up the past, it will be their problem, not mine.

I think I should write one last blog post where I address everything. I have left the TTTE-fandom, but I will write that one as my final goodbye to the fandom. I just have to find out everything I've been accused of so I can properly address them all in order. I might leave out details of my life that is too hard for me to open up about. I know most of you will just invalidate me anyway.

1. The Stepney fic and glorifying rape.

2. My mafia-AU.

3. The Darin incident.

4. Being a pedophile. (Where do they get this from anyway??)

5. Running the NSFW-blog.

6. Drawing penises/boobs on trains. Drawing age-regression art.

Is there more?

Ah... yes! Faking my own suicide, of course!

7. "Faking" being suicidal.

8. Having the audacity to survive and go on living.

9. "Making up" my past trauma to justify writing fics to cope with it.

10. Being a nazi for being interested in WW2 history and for being Norwegian and having so-called nazi-letters in my last name (actual letters of the Norwegian alphabet).

11. Putting a white-supremacist flag (the actual flag of Norway) on my porch on family birthdays and our national day.

12. Being a danger to my daughter.

Anything else that needs to be addressed? What else am I being accused of? Send me a dm and I will add it to the post.

 Okay, I will bump the Stepney fic down a bit as it is the most traumatic thing for me to address, I will save that one for last.

2 and 3. The dark au/mafia au where I gave some TTTE characters some rather dark and unpleasant character traits, and the whole incident with Darin and the pedo-Salty was addressed in this blog post written by my husband last year, so I am not opening that can of worms again: https://little-red-toyota.tumblr.com/post/623743183795470336/in-light-of-recent-events

Even the thing about Toby cheating on Henrietta is addressed there.

As for the au, I never fully explored it as I started losing interest in TTTE around the same time. I found other things to enjoy and TTTE faded into the background and the au was dropped before I even wrote any stories, apart from the one about Toby and Henrietta.

Some people claim, like this lovely individual, that most of the characters were rapists and pedos. No, not most. Only one of each. And I did not write more than one story about rape and suicide. Where does this person even get that from? Someone who told someone who had heard from someone who might have heard….?

Don't spread rumors unless you are sure that they are true.

Anyway, it's all addressed in that blog post in that link. I don't see how this mafia au is any worse than other dark post-apocalyptic or violent aus. It mostly was about the diesel mafia and their illegal businesses, not about sex, even if it did occur now and then. I find the substance abuse in it to be more problematic tbh…  

 4. Being a pedophile.

I don't even know how to defend myself against this one, as I don't even know why people think I am pedophile. They only throw the accusation out with no backing evidence, so I have no idea where it comes from or what it is that makes people think I am one.

Apart from one claim that I had faved "porn" alongside "strangers'" baby photos on DA. I addressed that earlier though. As DeviantArt doesn't sort what you click "like" on, it all ends up in the same folder unless you actively go through it and sort it into categories, which I don't bother most of the time. It also doesn't say WHEN it was added to your faves. So, I can have faved an artistic nude on Saturday, and then faved my friend's family photo on Thursday. It's not like I actively search for porn, get all steamed up and then look at pictures of children. WTF.

The few children I have faved are not from complete strangers, but long-term friends of mine. Yes, it is possible to have friends on the same website. I have actually met a lot of my RL friends through DeviantArt. I posted photos of my daughter when she was a baby, they would fave it and congratulate me. So, I did the same when they had a baby. As simple as that. Nothing weird or perverted about it. Due to people doxxing me last year however, I deleted the photos of me, my husband and my daughter from DeviantArt, so it's no longer there.

Porn isn't allowed on DeviantArt anyway. The nudes there are so-called artistic nudes, and for the most part I use them as pose-references when I draw as it is easier to draw a pose using a nude base and then dress them up once you got the pose right.

"The very naked" centaurs I have faved. Well, I like the mythological creature Centaur. And as far as I know… they do not wear clothes, so how are they NOT nude? Look it up, it's a horse body with a human torso instead of horse head. I don't see them as sexual, but what do I know? Maybe YOU do?

I have no sexual interest in children whatsoever.

 5. Running the NSFW-blog on Tumblr and Twitter.

Yes. I was one of six people modding that blog. ONE of six, so I refuse to take the full blame here.

MerciResolution has openly admitted to being the founder, and she recruited me and some others to modify as the confession load became too heavy for one person to handle alone.

The original blog on Tumblr worked as follows: People would anonymously send a confession to our askbox, we would add a picture (sometimes photoshopped) to the text and post it on the blog. Always tagged as NSFW and with proper trigger warnings if necessary! The blog itself was also marked as explicit, so it didn't appear in searches and such.

For us, this blog was nothing but a joke. We did it for shits and giggles. If anyone took it seriously and thought we got off to the stuff that was posted, we apologize for that, but to us it was just for laughs. And we DID laugh a lot, you guys should have seen the weird shit people sent us sometimes!

We had fun and we never thought anyone would take it seriously, so we never thought of writing "joke" in the description or anything. It never occurred to us that it could be anything but a joke.

We also made a Twitter account for it, also locked for minors. But it was quickly hacked, and someone changed the password so we could no longer access it. We made another account and forgot about the old one…

After a while, the original mods started losing interest and the blog (both on Tumblr and Twitter) became less active. That's when a person I had known for years, and wrongfully trusted, came forward and wanted to take over ownership. So, the ownership was handed over to Russalita/Charlie.

That turned out to be huge mistake!

Me and the other mods had more or less forgotten that the blogs existed, when suddenly someone started bashing me and getting up in my arms over it. I got seriously confused as I hadn't been active on it in almost a year. But as it turned out, Russalita had removed the mature filters and made the accounts open for all the see. Even minors.

And as people knew I was one of the mods, they fired their guns at me. I can see why though, so I'm not pointing any fingers here.

I tried contacting her by phone, asking her to lock the accounts again, but she gave me a less than polite response, hung up and then blocked my number…

So, I decided to try to shut the blogs down on my own, trying the old passwords. It worked on the Tumblr-account, and I managed to password protect it, for some reason it couldn't be fully deleted. But the Twitter account had gotten its password changed by Russalita. I was however able to get a new password by logging into the e-mail we had used to create it. I deleted the Twitter blog fully. It can't be re-activated even if we wanted to. It's gone.

But it turns out the old, hacked one is still up and now open for everyone. And this one poses a huge problem as we have no way of getting into it to delete it. Only thing we have been able to do so far is reporting it and hope it will be removed by Twitter. So I only have one thing to say about it: report it.

I am no longer running any NSFW TTTE blog anywhere, nor do I have interest in doing so. So, if you come across one, claiming to be me or any of the other mods, it is false.

 6. Drawing penises/boobs on trains. Drawing age-regression art.

People seem to believe I have drawn genitals on trains. I have never done such. Any art on the NSFW-blog with genitalia on the trains were sent in by confessors and was not drawn by me. Most of them seems to have been drawn by someone who goes by the name "The Lance".

I HAVE drawn things for the NSFW blog, but there were no genitalia in those drawings. I drew Frank of Arlesdale looking grossed out by (I don't know what the part is named in English, but it is connected to the brakes of the engine) that stick-like thing on his bufferbeam being wet from whatever the confessor did to him. I drew an over-exaggerated comical pic of a horrified Peter Sam getting his face licked by his driver, who had an enormous tongue. I also did a couple of manips. Mostly maniping engine faces on humans, like the one where Gordon's face is on a less than fit guy flailing his shirt around, and the Arlesdale smallies' faces on a movie poster from Magic Mike. One with Mr.Conductor in a giant bun while Pinchy is applying ketchup on him, for a confession about eating him, I think?  I've done some more, but I forgot what it was, I only know I loved making them comical rather than erotic, as I saw the blog as a joke overall.

I HAVE also drawn aheago faces on engines because it looks hilarious. Though I have only drawn them on my OCs and the NRS engines, not TTTE characters.

Point is I have never drawn genitalia on trains. Ever. And I likely never will. It's not THAT much fun drawing NSFW stuff.

I see from this screenshot that a certain MK-Instrumentalist claim that all my personal art is age-regression art and infantilism…

Whose art have you been looking at? Because it's definitely not mine. I have drawn a couple of baby/chibi diesels… But claiming that all of my 700 or so artworks are depicting infantilism and age-regression stuff? I suggest people go have a look for themselves. I haven't drawn that. That MK-guy has been desperately trying to cancel me for ages for reasons only himself know. I don't even know the guy, and he doesn't know me, yet he wants to see me beheaded. Go figure.

I was for a long time bothered by some age-regressor on Tumblr who just wouldn't leave me alone with their weird asks, who tried to force themselves on me and some other artists here. They claim age-regression isn't a fetish, but the shit they sent to my askbox certainly looked like a fetish to me.

I don't want anything to do with that stuff. It weirds me out.

And no. I have never drawn pedophilia or rape art either. This guy can't even make up his mind on which one to accuse me of.

 7 and 8. Faking suicide and having the audacity to survive and go on living.

As many know, after the intense shitstorm against me last summer, thanks to Darin, I attempted suicide. I didn't succeed as my husband came home early. I was gone for a few days but returned when a young boy reached out to me for help as he was being groomed and didn't know who else to turn to.

Recently I saw a screenshot where someone claimed me to have faked suicide, and that I just came back after a few days when everything had died down.

Wow.

I am truly sorry I survived.

I don't remember much from those days to be honest, but as the load became too heavy and the bullying too intense, piling up on 30 years of old trauma… I decided to end it. I must warn you guys who might get triggered now; there are detailed descriptions of a suicide attempt. Proceed with caution. People told me I was a bad mother among other things, having had those same thoughts myself (according to my husband, I am a good mom) and people just confirming them, I thought that my daughter would be better off growing up without me. I could have chosen a more effective suicide method, but I was afraid my daughter would be the first to find me, so I wanted it to be clean and look like I was just sleeping. That way it could be explained as natural causes.

So, I decided to overdose on pills. I downed all pills I could find in the house that had a warning triangle on it (strong pain meds etc.) and then went to my computer to delete my online existence, especially the personal data.

As a former paramedic, I should have known better. Because after half an hour, my body started reacting. But not the way I had hoped and wanted. I started retching and almost vomiting. That's when my husband came home from work and found me. He immediately saw the empty packages and knowing my past suicidal tendencies, he reacted instinctively. He put his fingers down my throat and had me puke everything up, then he called an ambulance and had me admitted to the hospital.

I don't remember anything from the days I spent there. But I have been told they emptied my stomach and gave me lots of fluids. I was then assigned a psychiatrist which I am still seeing today.

I was gone for those days because I was in hospital, not because I was pulling some kind of trick and pretending to have ended myself.

So… I am sorry I "faked" my suicide.

I'm sorry my husband saved me. I am sorry the medics and doctors succeeded in saving my life.

I am sorry I survived and proceeded to live on. If I ever make another attempt, I promise to do better.

Why are you guys so persistent in trying to push people to suicide anyway? Do you get a kick out of it? Why do people have to be pushed to that point before you care?

What did we tell our daughter? Simply that I got sick and had to go to the hospital. She took that well.

I've seen a lot of people wonder why I am still around. Why shouldn't I? Does my daughter deserve to lose her mother over some online crap she doesn't even know about? I owe her to live and watch her grow up, to help her with her homework and whatever else a parent needs to do. I also owe my husband to stay by his side, like I promised him the day we got married. Even if I do not wish to live.

I'm sorry I survived, guys. Really, I am.

 9. "Making up" my past trauma to justify writing fics to cope with it. And 1. The Stepney fic and glorifying rape.

 First… why would anyone make up trauma? It's not like it's a competition to have the worst life, is it?

Sadly, I don't have to make up anything. My life HAS been rocky up until the birth of my daughter. I have been through so much trauma I couldn't even fathom it myself before my therapist listed it all up to me. Until then, I had just been casually talking to her about it, like I would talk about the weather. I didn't cry or get in touch with my emotions even once while telling everything, because I was taught from an early age to never complain, to suck it up and go on. So, no matter what people did to me, I would just smile and go on, even if it killed me inside. I did not want to show any sign of weakness, because then they would attack me. A habit I developed through years of being bullied in school. Never show feelings, just pretend nothing could hurt you, then they would eventually grow tired of it and stop.

Except they never did. They kept going through all my years at school. To such an extent, my boyfriend didn't dare to show himself hanging out with me out of fear of being bullied himself… And as we grew older, he would start cheating on me too. And I kept smiling…

My next boyfriend was a bit older than me, and while that didn't bother me, as we were both well over legal age, it bothered him. We only lasted one year before he bailed out and ditched me out of the blue via an sms.

The next guy… was the one who scarred me for life. Both physically and mentally. A charmer at first of course, until I was trapped. He was unemployed, so he moved in with me, and I paid for everything from food to phone bills. All while he was dating several women behind my back, calling various pay-phone services and in general acted like a manwhore. As I worked as an electrician (also being subject to massive bullying and sexual harassment at work), he would be jealous of all my co-workers and if I ever came home late or worked overtime, he accused me of cheating and was extremely violent about it. He would also isolate me from my friends and family, making me think I couldn't get any other than him. If any of my male friends (almost all my friends are male…) came over, he would give me such hell afterwards, it was easier just to tell them it was a bad time to visit. And after a while, they stopped asking. This guy also demanded sex. Every single day. If I refused, he would punish me, mostly by flogging me with lampcords, belts or whatever else he had at hand. My back is a criss cross map of old, faded scars even now nearly 20 years later. I would have shown you a photo, but I am so self-concious about my body after all the bullying, I hardly even show my face in photos. Maybe one day… but I certainly need more therapy before being able to show naked skin to strangers, even if it's just my back. So I had non-consensual sex with him more often than consensual. It has taken me hours in therapy to even take the word in my mouth and call it by its proper name: rape. I was raped, almost every single day for little over a year, before I found the strength to break out of the relationship and finally throw him out of my house. It all ended when I found some revealing texts on his cellphone, which he was extremely protective of… Texts that revealed that he had engaged in a relationship with a 12 year old girl, and it had been going on for a while. Not only was he cheating on me, but he was a pedophile too. Needless to say, I didn't even let him pack his stuff before I fetched my shotgun and chased him out of the house. I don't know where I got the courage and strength from… but I was furious.

I thought I had gotten rid of him, but no. He started stalking me in public. Hiding behind shelves when I was shopping, his car following mine everywhere I went. I received weird letters in the mail with cut-out letters from newspapers, glued together. On top of all, his creepy, old uncle called me with some rather disgusting suggestions and tried to come on to me really hard. I had to change my phone number, and after coming home to my house and finding out someone had entered my home using a key, only to empty the drawer of my night table, I also had to change the locks of my doors as he had clearly copied the key.

He didn't stop until I got the police involved.

So, when I finally met the guy who would become my husband (or rather, we found out we were made for each other, we had known each other since we were 11 years old), I had major trust issues towards men especially and it took him endless patience and love to break me out of that shell.

But the trauma doesn't stop… or start there.

In the year 2000, on January 4th, I would experience something that made me unable to even look at a train for over 10 years. The Åsta accident (google it). I was a volunteer in the Norwegian Red Cross then, and a paramedic in training. Back then, you were allowed to start training the year you would turn 16. So, I was still 15 when I witnessed the most traumatic event of my life. The day started out calm, we were stocking up the ambulance after delivering a patient to the hospital when we got a call with the code "500", which means "catastrophe". Normally when we get that code it is a rehearsal… so we drove towards the coordinates with the thoughts that this was just an exercise, nothing real… we didn't prepare ourselves mentally… And we ended up in the closest thing to hell I have ever been… The sight of the burning trains, the smells, the sounds, the screaming… I still wake up by nightmares to this day. Though the moment that haunts me the most is when the screaming stopped… because we all knew why… I don't want to go into details, but 19 people died that day. But we also saved 67 people. I try to hold on to that thought. The age limit for starting paramedic training was raised after this, as I wasn't the only one who was too young for an accident of that scale. Today it is 18. A memorial stone has been placed on the site, but I still haven't been able to bring myself to visit it, even if we drive past the site every year on our way to visit family further north in the country. I needed hours of therapy to even be able to ride a train after this. To have gotten to the point where I now volunteer at a heritage railway and is in training to become a driver, is a HUGE step for me. My next goal is to visit the site of the accident.

On to next trauma… A previous employer, a rather large electric company in Norway, whom I worked for 8 years. The first five years were great, we were a close-knit bunch of electricians, and we had a great relationship with the bosses and higher-ups. Our labor union was strong.

It all started changing in 2009 when we got new leaders… and those decided to get rid of everyone who were a member of the union. One by one, they started harassing workers in various ways, trying to get them to quit. In Norway, they need a legal reason to fire you, it's not enough to not like someone. There has to be a good reason to fire someone e.g. theft, neglecting work… Since they didn't have any reasons to fire us, they started making our work lives gradually harder and harder until we would break and find another job. Sadly, one of my co-workers couldn't stand the pressure… He bid us all farewell as normal one Friday and hung himself the following day.. But as I was a girl in a male-dominated profession, I had been taught at an early stage to ignore anything that would hurt me emotionally, just arch my neck and plow through. I kept doing that, despite starting to feel more and more mental and physical pains… even my co-workers pointed out how I was being mistreated before I acknowledged it myself. I tried to tell my boss, but he reacted by treating me worse. So, I went to his boss… and that's when things went to hell. Instead of doing his job and listen, he started harassing me too. He deemed my over-weight a problem, and he started demanding I gave him detailed lists of what I ate and how much I worked out… Completely illegal of course, but by this point I was broken down to the point I thought I was useless and couldn't get another job… so I accepted. He started accusing me of lying about my exercise, so I started training at the gym in the basement at work instead. One day, while I was there, he locked the doors and turned the lights off. There were no windows, no cellphone reception and hardly anyone walking by in that part of the building… I sat there in the pitch dark for 3 hours before I was let back out. I still get badly triggered by narrow, dark rooms and rooms with no windows. To such an extent, I jumped out of a small window on the second floor of a gym when I was in boot camp. I was allowed to train downstairs in the bigger gym with windows on all walls after that incident…

The harassment at work went on for years until I finally snapped, ended up at the hospital and got into therapy for the first time. I don't want to go into depth about what more happened, I just can't… I can't bring myself to write it all. Luckily, I had gotten more education while working, so when I graduated, another company called and gave me an offer I just couldn't refuse. So, I quit my job and never looked back, even if the traumas I suffered there still haunts me to this day.

Sadly, even after switching jobs, now getting a safe job with sane leaders… I started to relax, and that's when all my past trauma came washing over me. And one day, on while driving to work, I had my first serious panic attack. It started as this feeling I used to have at the old company; getting sick to my stomach and having the sense of someone being out to get me… then it developed to breathing problems… and I had to pull the car over. I broke into tears, struggling to breathe, stumbling out of the car to read the logo on its side just to reassure my body and brain that I worked for a different company now and there was no reason for panic. I called my boss and let him know, because he also was a "refugee" from that other company, so he knew what me and several others had gone through. He managed to talk me down enough for me to come to the office to talk to him. That helped.

I got back into therapy. A better therapist this time. But sadly, it got apparent that I could no longer work as an electrician as there was too many triggers. I was diagnosed with PTSD, severe depression, and social anxiety. I'm still working on these and get better slowly.

I have been in therapy for a long time now, and it was my therapist that suggested I wrote fics to cope and "write it out". I tried to make up my own characters for this, but never felt any connection. I was by this time in the TTTE fandom and had met people with similar trauma and pasts like myself, and I started roleplaying with some of them. Me and a girl from UK then agreed to try to rp/co-write a fic to cope with our trauma. We both found it easier to write about pre-established characters we had a connection to, even if it was an au that made it barely recognizable from the original source material. Only the names and some minor things were similar.

That fic was Stepney's Virginity Gets Lost.

Do we regret writing it? No. It helped us write out our traumas and helped us overcome some mental obstacles in out therapy process. Our therapists cheering us on, because we finally managed to break through the hard shell surrounding us. We both cried for the first time in years while writing it, some of it through roleplay, because some parts were extremely graphic and brutal and very mentally exhausting. We had to take long breaks between each writing session, so the fic wasn't written in just a weekend. But we got a lot of darkness out of our minds by writing all this. And we were definitely NOT aroused by it, like this pervert here claims.

It's when you dare to touch and feel the difficult and dark emotions, you can finally move along in the grieving process.

Should it have been posted online?

In retrospect, no. But at the time, we thought it might help other trauma victims, as we also found reading about other people's experiences and fictions touching painful subjects helpful to ourselves. So, we posted it, never expecting it to cause such a controversy 3 years later. In fact, we had more or less forgotten about it until it came back to bit us in the ass. Or rather, bite ME in the ass, as I am getting the full blame alone.

Also, despite what people claim, it was not posted openly for children to read. It was tagged properly and hidden behind mature content walls. If a minor chooses to break that wall, that's not the author's fault. It's the same as watching a movie with an age restriction way above your age, not the filmmaker's fault.

I think MerciResolution puts it nicely here:

"If your problem lies with you KNOWINGLY entering adult spaces when you’re a minor, ignoring all mature warnings that are literally SCREAMING at you “hey, this is what you’re getting into. Are you sure you want to proceed?”

That’s ENTIRELY on you. YOU are the fucking problem.

We’re marking mature things as best as we properly can. If you decide to ignore them, that’s your own damn fault. We’re not your fucking babysitters."

Also, I never posted the story on Wattpad, so if anyone has done that, it's not me. I posted the story on Fanfiction.net, DeviantArt and AO3, that's all. If it's posted anywhere else, it's not done by me.

I had honestly moved on from it when people pulled me back into it.

Other people who have done questionable shit in that fandom are easily forgiven because "they have moved on" or "changed". Yet, nobody believes I can move on or change…?

I had moved on; my interests had changed. But people won't let me, so here I am… Having to defend some crap I did years ago. A fic I no longer have any interest in.

I'm not even interested in TTTE anymore. I have moved on with my own book project now and I would like to focus on that.

So, deleting my TTTE content, whether it was the SFW or NSFW stuff, didn't cost me a penny. It actually felt like a relief. The only downside with it is that people now can't read it and make up their own opinion about it, but will solely believe in what others say, and those things are often seriously bent out of shape and blown out of proportions to such an extent it's barely recognizable.

If people claim that Arry and Bert rape Stepney in the fic, they have never seen it or read it. That's not what happens. That's just an assumption made by looking at the title and knowing there is a rape/torture scene in it. But I'm not gonna tell who the victim is or who performed it, because this is the only way I am able to tell who has actually read the fic or not, who is just trying to spread bullshit and who is actually telling the truth. The person in that screenshot, has no idea what he's talking about.

Does SVGL romanticize rape and abuse?

No, not in the least. It's described as the horrible, heinous acts it is and is in no way meant to be cute or romantic and definitely NOT something anyone should get off to. If anyone finds it sexy, that's their problem, not the authors'. If anything, SVGL might romanticize suicide, because one of the characters isn't able to cope with his trauma and chooses to end their life. Which is something I considered doing myself when I was in the darkest pit of depression. So, I apologize for maybe romanticizing suicide. The following chapters describe how friends and family handle the loss and grief.

It also describes a toxic relationship, where one of the parts struggles to get out of it. They eventually manage to break free, but it is not easy. This can easily be translated to my previously mentioned relationship, as it was my way of writing out my experience about how hard it is to break out of a relation when your partner has broken you down to the point where you no longer believe in yourself and your self-worth.

The last chapters start to gradually become brighter, as both our lives started getting better too. But we never really wrote the end because we both lost interest in writing TTTE content by that time and just left it hanging.

I'm not the only one who has written NSFW TTTE fanfics out there. But it seems like violence and murder is more acceptable than sexual things? I do wonder how brutally mutilating children's show characters are more tolerable than sexually abusing them. Neither should be okay.

Some content creators hide behind "it was a joke". I have been told that such topics that SVGL touches upon shouldn't be joked about… so I didn't do that, and yet it was wrong? So how should such topics be treated? Be hidden like it's a shame, like in the old days when rape victims were told to suck things up and keep it to themselves? When those subject to abuse didn't dare to speak up because people would judge them?

I think it is important to talk about these subjects and why they are so problematic. Victims shouldn't have to hide their trauma; they should be allowed to talk openly about it without fearing judgement.

Some of you claim that writing isn't a good way to cope… You're trying to dictate how trauma victims deal with their trauma, and that's a dangerous path to walk down. Nobody handles trauma the same way. You might have your thoughts on how you would react, but you'll never know until trauma hits you… and you might not react the way you had expected or planned. Trauma messes with your head and you won't be able to think clearly. It makes you do thinks you normally wouldn't have done and can make you act out of character. So, do not judge people without having been in the same situation yourself. Ever.

Someone wrote that I have "more problems that just a rape".

Read that again.

Just a rape.

This person does not know how damaging a rape can be. And if you made it this far in this post, you know I didn't only go through one, but several. Not just by my ex, but also being ambushed while I was walking home from a party, and later; a co-worker forcing himself onto me at a building site. I can't go into depth about them all, I just can't.

Just a rape…

"Just" the feeling of not being in control of your own body and your own decisions. "Just" being robbed off your dignity and self-worth. "Just" having someone intrude into your private zone, tear your clothes off and claim your body against your will. "Just" feeling how your life force leave you as you realize that fighting against it won't help you, and you silently give up and just lay down waiting for it all to be over. "Just" spending hours in the shower, scrubbing your skin until you bleed because you can't wash the filth away and you keep feeling dirty no matter how much you clean yourself. "Just" waking up at night, after having relived the scene again in a nightmare. "Just" looking over your shoulder wherever you walk because you heard something or thought you saw something or simply because someone is walking behind you. "Just" the fact that you'll never feel comfortable walking alone at night again or have someone walk behind you. "Just" never being able to relax because your body constantly think you're in grave danger. "Just" a rape…

That's such a neck-beard thing to say. Someone who clearly think of other people's bodies as property or things. Not taking into consideration that we are living, breathing individuals with feelings. And that having another person violate us isn't something we like or that we'll easily get over. We want to choose who we give ourselves to, nobody should be forced. We didn't ask to be raped. We didn't want it. We didn't like it.

Rape is trauma.

Yes, we should have chosen other characters for the story, but we did what we did, and it cannot be undone now. So, if the only thing I will be remembered for in the fandom is that ONE fic, instead of all my other content, that's what it will be. That's what people chose to. I'm moving on.

10. Being a nazi for being interested in WW2 history and for being Norwegian and having so-called nazi-letters in my last name (actual letters of the Norwegian alphabet).

*sigh*

This is something that could only happen in America, isn't it?

Some people don't bother educating themselves. The "nazi-letters" you guys are talking about is actually part of the Norwegian alphabet and has nothing to do with Nazism or white-supremacy to do at all. The Norwegian alphabet has 29 letters, the three extra is æ,ø,å or in capital letters: Æ,Ø,Å.

We can't help it if some morons over in the US abuse these letters as symbol of their twisted mindset.

Yes, my name contains one of those letters. It is my name… and I didn't choose it. It is a common Norwegian name.

As for me being a Nazi?

Those who knows me knows that I am as far from a Nazi as one can get. I despise Nazism with all my heart.

But the reason some people choose to believe so… was that some guy who has no hobbies or life went through every single fave I've made on DeviantArt since I joined the site in 2006, which is well over 20000 faves. And he found a few Nazi-characters from a web series I was following about ten years ago. I am very interested in history and especially WW2-history, so I found that particular web-series interesting and faved some artwork related to it. What this guy failed to notice is that I also faved the Allied characters… That's ALL there is to that story.

I has also faved a pic someone made of Joseph Goebbels (I think it was?) as a Pixar Car. That's not because I have any nazi-sympathies, but I simply found the concept of turning historical persons, both good and bad, into Cars as an interesting project. I would have faved any other historical Carsified person as well.

As for me being a Norwegian and have a natural pale complexion, that's not something I can help. That's nothing I choose. And it doesn't make me racist or Nazi. Period.

11. Putting a white-supremacist flag (the actual flag of Norway) on my porch on family birthdays and our national day.

Again. Get educated.

This flag… is the actual flag of my country. The Kingdom of Norway.

There is nothing Nazi about it. It is not a symbol of white-supremacy. IT IS THE FLAG OF NORWAY.

During WW2 it was even illegal, so people would paint it everywhere in a protest against the Nazi-occpation and the SS. We even decorated our Christmas trees with it, and that is a tradition that has followed us into the modern day.

Again, if some idiots in the US choose to use it as a symbol for their disgusting logic, it is not Norway or the Norwegians' fault.

12. Being a danger to my daughter.

I need people to elaborate here.

What exactly do you think I do to my daughter? What is the cause of your concern here?

The fact that I have made NSFW content? How is that harmful to her as long as I keep it away from her? You DO realize that even authors, pornstars and moviemakers have children and that they can be good parents, right?

Do you think I read pornographic content for her as bedtime stories? Or show her porn instead of kids TV? How sick are you guys, really…?

Some people even wanted CPS to take my child away from me… Have a look at these screenshots…

You want a happy, healthy, innocent child to be taken away from a stable, safe home with loving parents just because you don't like the content the mother made? You want her to be placed in foster care, where there is no guarantee that she will have a happy upbringing rather than have her stay with her parents who love her and care for her, for reasons she'll never understand and wasn't even aware of?

"Think of the children!" a lot of you say when it comes to my content. May I ask why this doesn't apply to my daughter?

Why do some of you go as far as to wishing her dead or wanting her to be removed from the home she feels safe and loved in? How is that thinking of the children?

As for the douchebag in that screenshot. You claim that if your mother did something like that you would want nothing to do with her… I have a question: Do you know EVERYTHING your mother do? Does she include you in each aspect of her life? Even her sexual life? No?

How do you know she doesn't do thing you don't approve of when you're not around? She could be a rabid pornmag reader for all you know. But stuff like that is something adults hide from their kids. So, you wouldn't know, unless you go snooping around in her business.

Everyone is entitled to privacy. What I and my husband do when our kid is not around is our business, not hers, and certainly not yours.

Porn and parenting are to be kept separate from each other. Period.

And we do.

There is absolutely no reason to be worried about my daughter. She is a happy, healthy child in a safe, stable home with family that loves her and cares for her. Not just me and my husband, but also grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins.

If you want to remove her from that over a stupid fanfic behind a mature content wall, you're the deranged person, not me.

 This is all I have to say about all this and my time in the TTTE fandom. I have left by my own, free will. Yes, I am aware that many people don't want me there. That's fine. I don't want to be there.

I am a bit disappointed in those people who just blindly unfollowed me and unfriended me without any questions asked, just followed the leader. Big users tend to dictate who and what is worth following in that fandom. They will even protect real predators, but I'm not going to open that can of worms now. I'm done with the fandom.

Some of those people, I have been talking to regularly, even supported when they faced hardships in the fandom themselves. But when I got in trouble, they ditched me without a word…

If anything, this whole ordeal showed me who to trust and not, and who were true to their word when it came to how deep our friendship was. True friends at least give you the chance to explain before they drop you. I hold no ill feelings to those who did, at least they asked me before judging.

And those who still stayed with me, are the ones who truly know me and who I really am.

Some of the worst libels posted about me might be reported to the police, but I haven't made up my mind yet. I am not mentally strong at the moment, so I don't know if I have the strength to legally follow it all up. I will ask the cops at work for advice on the matter.

All I ask for now is some peace.

You don't have to like me. You don't have to follow me. You don't have to like my content. Feel free to invalidate me, I know a lot of you will.

But please, stop bullying me and my family.

Please stop sending me horrid messages and death threats.

Please stop doxxing me and calling me.

Please leave my family alone. If you don't care about me, at least care about them.

Please just ignore me. I have already left the fandom, there is no reason to keep hunting me.

I just want to move on and go on with my life and the content I am currently working on. After years in therapy, my life has gotten better, and I want to move on.

Please let me.

#good bye to ttte #tw//suicide #tw//rape #tw// bullying #tw//depression #tw//ptsd #tw//ttte #tw//sex #tw//abuse #tw//domestic abuse #I'm done

[mywildattic]

𝕬𝖘𝖙𝖗𝖔𝖑𝖔𝖌𝖞: 𝖕𝖑𝖆𝖓𝖊𝖙𝖘

Astrology is a practice or belief that dates back hundreds of years that regards human affairs and terrestrial events by studying the movements of celestial objects.

For a lot of people, when they hear the word "astrology" they think of their sun sign, being the one determined by the month you were born. For example, my sun sign is Pisces because I was born on March the 3rd. Many people aren't aware what a sun sign is, and just see it as their one "horoscope". With that in mind it's perfectly normal to be skeptical, because with that little information it's easy to believe that it's just a bit of hocus pocus designed to place people in boxes. But that isn't the case, when I found out my birth chart and began reading astrology more in depth, I realized how much I identified with my chart taking into account all of my placements and what they mean, and I now find I'm more self aware or at least compassionate about my general self.

Astrology can be a beautiful thing, and just because you have a sun sign that matches millions of other people doesn't mean you are all the same or it's just a load of rubbish. No one is just a Virgo or just a Gemini, we have a little of many different zodiac signs in our chart, and therefore astrology is more complicated than seen perhaps at first glance.

Here are a couple of links you can use to figure out your birth chart: this one is good and then this one is also good.

𝐒𝐔𝐍 𝐒𝐈𝐆𝐍 ☉

The Sun represents energy, individuality, and outward-shining creativity. It symbolizes our fundamental essence, our overall self and who we grow to be. It’s vibrancy speaks for our psyche and our prevailing preferences.

𝐌𝐎𝐎𝐍 𝐒𝐈𝐆𝐍 ☽

The moon's gravitational pull governs the climate and the ocean tides. Within astrology, the moon represents our emotions; our emotional responses and self-image. While the sun exposes our outer experience, the moon symbolizes everything beneath the surface.

𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐂𝐔𝐑𝐘 𝐒𝐈𝐆𝐍 ☿

Within astrology, Mercury symbolizes communication, logic and rationality. Its the governor behind the reins of our curiosity to analyze, sort, and classify. It drives our need to find truth and debate our points across intelligently.

𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐔𝐒 𝐒𝐈𝐆𝐍 ♀

Venus is the vibrant planet that represents beauty, love, money and pleasure. It sways how we see and love within our relationships to others, whether romantic or platonic. It exudes tenderness and sensuality, and craves luxury and culture.

𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐒 𝐒𝐈𝐆𝐍 ♂

Mars symbolizes passion, aggression and determination. A battle cry is known for being the song to this fiery planet, and it plays the role of how we take iniciative and express our motivation. It also represents sexuality and sexual energy.

𝐉𝐔𝐏𝐈𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐈𝐆𝐍 ♃

Jupiter rules over philosophy and religion, and therefore our longing to explore both intellectually and spiritually is greatly attributed to it. It governs expansion, encouraging us to widen our outlook and broaden our horizons. Luck and fortune are also associated with Jupiter.

𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐍 𝐒𝐈𝐆𝐍 ♄

Saturn symbolizes hard work, professional achievements, and steadfast resilience. It doesn’t make things easy, in its role as a tutor, Saturn aids us with discipline and concerns itself with karma and the lessons which past experiences might bring.

𝐔𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐔𝐒 𝐒𝐈𝐆𝐍 ⛢

Uranus symbolizes individuality, rebellion, and innovation. It rules spiraling thoughts and promotes erratic behavior, but it also encourages our creativity to reach new horizons and seek ways to break free from freedom binding chains.

𝐍𝐄𝐏𝐓𝐔𝐍𝐄 𝐒𝐈𝐆𝐍 ♆

Neptune governs spirituality, dreams, escapism and illusion. Like the oceans it rules, our most inner connections to mysteries and magic are all encouraged by this most enchanting planet. However, on its darker days, its energy can reek of delusion.

•

𝐏𝐋𝐔𝐓𝐎

Many people don’t count Pluto as a planet of much significance, being the furthest from the sun and the smallest within our solar system, which is why I’ve seperated its segment from the main nine. However that isn’t entirely true, for Pluto represents transformation, destruction, rebirth and death. It encourages us rather harshly to become stronger by ridding us of our weak spots which are treated as waste. It has a very problematic role on our well-being, but that isn’t to say its all negative, because it also promotes change and renewal, both not always bad; change is not something we should be afraid of, but something we should embrace (with a certain amount of caution).

•

𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐒𝐈𝐆𝐍

Our rising sign is determined by the time we were born and represents how we present ourselves to the world and how we appear at first glance; essentially, our mask. It is often described as our door, as it is the first look people see of us before they enter our more personal territories.

•

With the knowledge of what the celestial beings represent and how they influence our lives; emotions, beliefs, motives, passions, imagination... The next chapter to understanding ourselves is by joining both what we know about the zodiac signs and planets once we have our birth chart. For instance you know what your Mercury sign is but, what does that mean? It means the representations of Mercury works with the mind of your Mercury sign.

{all information I have gathered has been from multiple different sources which I've compiled into one post. I am not an expert by any means, I am just trying to learn}

#astrology #horoscopes #astrological signs #birth chart #witchcraft #witch #pagan #paganism #mythology #nature #spirituality #green #divination #herbology #magick #grimoire #witchblr #spells #tarot #crystals #herbs #planets #mental health #positivity #aesthetic #information #stars #moon #deities #moonchild

[shoujolover-666]

The Counsellor

Chapter: Teachers Lounge

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27042859/chapters/66523600

Characters: Jakurai Jinguji, Divus Crewel, Ashton Vargas, Mozus Trein

Jakurai was sitting in the teacher's lounge, one leg crossed over the other as he read through some of the files that have been given to him. Some were about more problematic students, others were about the dorm heads and things he had to know about them. So far, he has met two of them. Both of them somehow got into the state of overblot, and he had the chance to look at how this happened, thanks to some kind of magic that the headmaster used to record it.

It has been explained to him that it was a deadly state, and that a combination of emotional instability with overuse of magic was the cause of it most of the time.

If it was like that though, that wouldn’t exactly explain how Leona Kingscholar, the second student he took under this care, fell into it. As far as he has seen, he only used his Unique Magic once.

King’s Roar. An ability that lets the user everything they touch turn  into sand. A skill that was worth being fearful of.

The doctor wasn’t afraid though. There were a lot of things that one could use to kill someone. Cutlery, a simple pole, one wrong touch with a certain amount of pressure on weak points of the body. Really, there were deaths that could be way worse than simply turning into sand.

Still, he can see why people would be afraid of him. He would have to be careful when handling him, especially now that the prince knew of what he was.

A smile appeared on his lips as he ran his finger over the name that was written there.

At least he already seemed to have a certain amount of trust, or at least respect. This kind of man was all too familiar to him. His mind wandered to Samatoki, a foul mouthed Yakuza with the habit to get angry really fast, and whose trust had to be earned through actions. The way both smiled and carried themselves was familiar, even when they acted so differently from each other.

Samatoki, who was a man with white hair and blood-red eyes, tended to get riled up easily and didn’t mind getting his hands dirty, which made him different from Leona, who prepared to sleep the whole day. Still, he couldn’t help but compare them to each other.

Jakurai felt an ache in his chest. He missed the people he knew, the people he was so close to. But he couldn’t see them now, for he was separated from them. He shook his head.

Moping around wouldn’t make things better, so he decided to concentrate on the things here.

Off with your head. Another interesting skill to have in a world that revolved around magic. The caster locks a collar around the victims neck, sealing their magic until he takes it off them personally. With him, he saw how the conditions, that the headmaster of this establishment explained to him, were fulfilled.

Riddle was a young man who was very strict with others, but even more with himself. To him, it was obvious that he was trying his best to help his fellow students while also keeping order with the rules that have been established so long ago, but a lot of them were nonsense. Still, it wouldn’t help to tell him that. Instead, he would try to help him by working through them together, making him see that not everything can be seen in black and white alone.

His mind wandered again for a second, this time to the government of his world. The inequality it brought, and the things that men had to suffer through because of it. Before, his world wasn’t much better off. He believed that the woman, Otome Tohouten, might change things, but there was still a lot of violence, even with the ban of weapons. The weight of his Hypnosis Microphone was more prominent now than before.

Instead of physical violence, there were a lot of cases of mental problems and breakdowns now. A sigh escaped him as he once again tried to get back to the topic at hand.

Riddle seemed to have loosened up a bit in comparison to before. The red haired student was more relaxed around him, and he talked more and more around him. Not only about rules, but also about what he thought and how his days have been lately.

It seemed as if he enjoyed spending time with him. It was quite the progress. Jakurai closed the book with a smile. At least he was able to help people here. He wouldn’t have known what he was supposed if that weren’t the case.

The sole meaning of life is to serve humanity.

His whole life could be described in that one sentence.

Jakurais gaze wandered to the people that entered the room. Divus Crewel was the first to enter.

He was a man with black and white hair that had been combed to the side, his piercing grey eyes were mustering him with the same interest he had when they met for the first time. A tuxedo adorned his body, which was partly covered by the thick fur coat. On his hip was a pointer, from which a red collar was dangling almost innocently.

He took a seat directly beside him, a cup of coffee was already in his hand.

The next man to enter was Ashton Vargas, a man who had black, slicked back hair and a rather bulky body.

Ashton was wearing a red jacket with golden stripes, and a whistle was hanging from his neck. The burly man greeted them loudly before he started to talk about the things he did with the students today and what he was planning to do with the next group in the afternoon, inviting Jakurai to join them if he had the time to.

Next to him was Mozus Trein who walked past him and sat down on another free seat, a cup of steaming tea was gently placed on the table. Mozus was a tall, elderly man whose grey tresses were slicked back as well. His maroon coloured coat gave him a strict appearance, but his face was more relaxed in comparison to when he met him in the corridors of this school.

A book was in his hand with little pieces of paper sticking out from them. Notes about the things he could teach the students, and how he could help them with having an easier time in his classes. Despite how strict he looked, he did like the children quite a lot and did try his best to let them pass to the next grade.

“Is there anything I can assist you with?”

Jakurai always asked them if there was anything he could help them with, even when they were suspicious of him at first. Not that he could blame them. He was a man with no documents on hand, no past and no proof of what he was. When he showed them some of his abilities and his willingness to help though, they were relatively quick to warm up to them. Ashton was the first to be friendly around him, soon followed by Divus and Mozus.

Mozus and him got along with each other the most, because of the interesting conversations they tended to have. Divus and Jakurai also tended to get along well, mostly because of the doctors interest in alchemy and the herbs that were used in this world. He came up with a few ideas, which led to some quite interesting discussions and meetings to try things out.

“No, but thank you for the offer.”

The history teacher was the first to answer him, and the other two teachers were quick to answer him as well. A pity, for he would have been interested in seeing the students during class. Maybe another time.

“How about sharing a drink in the evening? Tomorrow is a sunday, so we can enjoy ourselves a bit, don’t you think?”

That has been Divus’s suggestion, who was smiling behind his cup. Jakurai frowned slightly at that.

Alcohol. Something that he couldn’t handle all that well. For some reason, he tended to remember nothing from the evenings he decided to drink a bit. Still, his colleagues invited him… so it should be alright to agree, shouldn’t it? With that he nodded.

“It would be a pleasure to drink with you tonight.”

And that was how mistakes have been made.

#twisted wonderland #hypnosis mic #crossover #jakurai jinguji #mozus trein #ashton vargas #divus crewel #fanfic

[zot3-flopped]

Harry has donated more to LGBT charities and made more of a change for the community than Portrait will in his lifetime. What is portrait doing for the community? Or with his life, even? He moved on from discussing tinhats and trying to do some good and undo some of the bullshit he did to literally just stay on Harry’s neck for months. That’s all he does! How is all the time he’s wasting talking over and over about the same five talking points when it comes to Harry benefiting anyone?

I don’t know, I have a very specific mentality when it comes to doing fandom and I just don’t see the point of what Portrait, Sea, or the other hate blogs do.

For instance, with your blog, I can see a lot of benefit in having a place for fandom commentary. I think discussing mental health and conspiracy theorism and exposing the lies and the bullshit hate blogs and rads say is useful. We can grow from it. We can look at our own behavior and be better. It’s an exchange that I find even necessary at points.

But while I do understand that gossiping and shit talking is human nature, I wish there was less of that here. I don’t care if Niall gained weight or if Zayn flopped, because they’ve both accomplished more than I ever will in my lifetime, and talking about them and mocking them while they get to live a life of fame and luxury while I have to go to work everyday to pay for rent is the same kind of hypocrisy than Doll Lady ranting about Eleanor and Briana 24/7. Also, I think we’re doing Harry a disservice because we further connect him to his former band mates when he’s light years ahead of them. Harry is in the ranks of The Weeknd, Justin Bieber, Taylor Swift, etc. He’s winning Grammys and selling out stadiums, and breaking records. The others (while incredibly more accomplished than us common people), are in a completely different league of artists. The only thing that links them to Harry is their past in a boyband six years ago and fans talking about them.

But once again, I’m torn. Because I do understand the human nature of saying “oh he got ugly” or “I can’t believe he flopped that bad” as much as people want to paint it as this mean spirited thing, they do this every single day with their friends talking about celebs. I don’t believe for a second they don’t. They just don’t like that we do it with the band they stan/used to stan. So i don’t know. I’m not saying we should stop altogether but that I do wish there was more focus on fandom and less on the artists themselves. But it’s your blog and you should run it like you wish.

Anyway, what Portrait, Sea, and the hate blogs do is a different thing. It’s not just shit talking Harry because they don’t like his hair or think he’s not doing that well commercially (I mean can they even say that lol). It’s conspiracy theorism about him punishing his former band mates, it’s spending every single day discussing the same five “problematic” things Harry has done and coming for him for it regardless of how people who suffer from those issues telling them to stop using them as a talking point, it’s demonizing a woman and twisting her entire life into this crazy conspiracy just because she’s dating someone and they don’t want her to. That’s not regular “haha this celeb is not that hot” gossip. That’s mean spirited, it cannot be entertaining to be that spiteful. It probably rots your from inside to spend your days doing that. It cannot be healthy for your spirit and brain. And it’s such a waste of time in the (in some cases) name of “social justice”

I will never understand people who spend hours online rolling around in their own filth of negativity and conspiracies. Their lives must truly be so sad. There’s nothing entertaining about it. No positive outcome. It’s definitely not human nature because most people do not do that. In my opinion, it’s a clear sign of mental illness and lack of love in their personal lives. (Love of any kind)

I spend a fair amount of time here but I could never devote the hours it must take Portrait to type out those essays about Harry, BTS, My Policeman etc. I think he must be between jobs.

#blog post #portrait #thanks for this long ask #I don't agree with all of it of course #a lot of people are very interested in discussing Zayn #esp as he was touted as the breakout star and the next Usher #sea #rads #larries

[rpbetter]

Raven used to be my friend but I had to cut ties recently due to feeling like walking on eggshells everytime we spoke and they never apologized to me for when I brought up something that they did upset me. I really miss them but I don't want to deal with the if it's not about me I don't care attitude.

Pt 2 of Ravens old friend. They reblogged anti fandom posts on their resource blog and I happened to be in that fandom and it hurt. A resource blog shouldn't be doing that.

Hey, Anon! I wanted to post this before I released one of my drafts, as that draft happens to be something I do not want you to misconstrue being about you. Thought about it after the fact and honestly, felt a bit ill over potentially making you think any such thing! The post is about how pushy people can be about what they like (usually as regards fandom) that you don't, and how that can be a contributing factor toward people saying hateful things about fandom topics. It was the quickest of the finished drafts sitting around to edit, so it was being queued, that's all! I do not think you were being pushy about your likes to "deserve" this, and frankly, even if you had? One's meme/resource/help blog is not the venue for shitting on your friends.

Okay, just wanted to clarify, everyone is stressed and feeling judged enough, I don't want to inadvertently contribute to that with any drafted posts!

I'm really sorry this happened, Anon. I don't mean that in a passing, flippant way that looks good on my blog. Not that I mean anything that way lol but I frequently have had "friends" in the past who felt like it was totally fine to reblog, even make original posts, like what you're talking about. Anti-fandom, anti my part of the fandom, my muses, my takes, and so on. Really hurtful things when we'd spoken in DMs about how upsetting it was, then they go and throw full support behind it in front of me.

It would be irritating with a grain of betrayal if it was a friend of a shorter time, or a mutual one doesn't really interact with OOC, but with a closer or longtime friend, it's actively hurtful. It feels like they looked you right in the face, said they do not give a single shit about either what is important to you or sparing your feelings, and went on. Yeah, it's just fiction, but the way we treat each other over fiction is real.

Given the behaviors displayed openly, it's not a shock you received no apology. Whether you got an apology or not, though, good on you for trying to bring it up to them! It's hard to do that with friends, even ones you're more certain won't blow up at you for it. I think if we could all be a little more (calmly, nicely, reasonably) open with each other like this, we could avoid problems that result from things festering and piling up, but it's hard to take that step...and I'm sorry this was your reward for it.

Just as blogs that are not one's RP or personal blogs shouldn't be openly judging and hating fandoms like that, friends shouldn't leave you feeling like you're walking on eggshells.

And, I'm going to say something unpopular here - sometimes, we all are capable of doing that to people we care about. Bad moments in lives combine, there are misunderstandings, sensitive topics, and things we can't entirely control otherwise. I don't like this idea tumblr has that anything other than a perfect, sweet, forever-cheery relationship is the actual height of abuse, so I want to be clear on that because it's just trivializing and blinding people to the possibility of toxic and abusive interactions. When you think "toxic" means "they don't like x, I love x, we don't talk about it," you're not aware of legitimate signs like being too worried to be yourself around them.

It's when this is the typical, established behavior that it's a problem. It's when there's never any meaningful acknowledgment, apology, or attempt at changing that it's a problem. If you constantly feel like you have to be worried about what a friend is going to say or do, it's not a friendship you need to be in, and I'm glad you recognized that and got out of it!

But there's also the idea that this is easy because it's the right and logical choice. It is not, and it's often made even harder because admitting to other friends that you miss the good times with the former one is all but impossible. They're often only reacting out of concern for you, the fear that if you miss this person they watched hurt you, you'll go back to that friendship, but it effectively shuts down a more healthy way of dealing with your feelings by sharing them with better friends who could support you.

So, Anon, it's also fully alright and normal to miss Raven! They were a longtime friend, and the thing about these kinds of friendships, these kinds of relationships in general, is that we seem to fail to realize that if things were straight awful from day one, we'd not have been friends. Of course, there are memories! Of course, you have the impulse to send them a link or that meme you know is their humor! It doesn't stop for a long time, either. That doesn't mean you're fucked up for it, it's something to be ashamed of, or that you're going to drop your better judgment and go send Raven a message immediately and rekindle that friendship. It's okay!

This right here: "I don't want to deal with the if it's not about me I don't care attitude." This is the place you should be in, and I congratulate you on being there because it takes a lot of shit heaped on someone by a friend to get there. Just keep remembering the good things you experienced with them, but always with this in mind, that their end of the friendship appears to have been predicated upon what they were getting out of it only.

Case in point, like everything they displayed to the whole damn RPC that encountered them these last few months, their personal interest and viewpoint was of greater importance to them with that anti-fandom post than a friend was.

I will say, it can be a delicate thing having this blog. I have opinions and takes that most of my friends share, what's important to me tends to run in the same lines as what is important to them, that's the basis of a lot of our friendship. We still disagree! We still have different interests, fandoms, favorite characters, songs, and experiences. Sometimes, I have to address a problem that they could misconstrue, in a totally normal and reasonable way, because while they're not doing whatever in a bad way, others are. I've made a point, more than once, to contact them and talk about it a little preemptively, and that's not just to keep up friendships, it also allows for extra insight from them and better phrasing from me so that other people I don't know won't take it the wrong way either.

Yes, I have some immutable, incredibly hard lines lol I think we all know what most of them are now, but expressing my purely personal opinion on something like fandom is not more important on this blog than anything else. I may genuinely feel like there is diseased connective tissue of disappointing behavior stemming from an origin point in a popular fandom, I'm not going to go off about it on this blog. It's inappropriate as hell, going to make people feel isolated and targeted whether they're my friends or not. Being passionately displeased about that does not have place here, and that's the kind of thing you have to consider, reconsider, force yourself to shut up about when you've got a blog that isn't for RP or a personal, you know?

I don't think everyone is cut out for doing that, and no one is cut out for doing it without ever making a mistake in judgment. Some people really should simply realize that there is nothing wrong with not being in the place in their lives or mental health to put that much effort into being fair or being quiet and concentrating only on memes. If you're one of those people, random reader? I'm serious, it's okay if you can't do it! It's not shameful, I'm also a deeply flawed human being, the quietest, politest, helpful meme blog out there is also run by a flawed human, they're just at a different place with themselves than you are. And. That's. Okay. Just don't hurt other people (and yourself, ultimately) by forcing it, please.

I suppose, knowing that it wasn't important enough to chill and reevaluate for the sake of a friend is some consolation lol what one won't do for friends definitely won't be done for random muns deemed problematic. So, maybe that'll make some other people out there feel a little better, and I thank you for sharing...as much as I wish you had nothing of this experience to share. I know it's an unpleasant one to have had, and I hope you have much better friends!

I promise you that I'll never post anything here that is viciously against any particular fandom or any such thing, and that if you feel like I've been unfair about anything at all, I welcome polite messages as a way of discussing it so we can all be clear and/or learn from each other. I know, I openly admit, it's kind of a draw of the blog, that I have a...um, tone of salt about things lol and sometimes, I don't phrase things the way they deserved. So, it's always okay to drop in for clarification or counterpoint, so long as it isn't being done with a shitty attitude that incites hostilities. Let's do have a legitimate conversation about it instead of hurt feelings!

Thanks again, Anon!

#vespertine #answered #anonymous #fandom #toxic friendships #drama cw

[amwritingmeta]

15x20

Comment from @dollysgirl04 (sorry that I can’t tag properly) on the 15x20 meta I posted yesterday:

Trying to positivey spin the hateful messages of burying your gays and only finding happiness in death is harmful. What they did was objectively wrong and you shouldn't dismiss that in a quest to make your own personal peace with the show. Dont make excuses for real harmful messaging.

Firstly, I was in no way trying to dismiss anything. I believe I even went so far as to make it clear in the post that I understand the anger, I felt it, and let me be perfectly and absolutely clear, in case I wasn’t, that I still feel it at some of the choices made. All I wanted to offer was the fact that, putting that anger aside, I can recognise why the choices were most likely made.

I agree the problematic way that, in the visual narrative, we saw both Stevie and Charlie disappear from our story, their happiness cut short and Charlie talking about how she’d dared open her heart making it seem as though love was the actual culprit all along, for us to then not have a visual reestablishing of both these characters brought back by Jack, and their relationship restored, is highly regrettable. Keeping this in the subtext is unnecessary and neglectful and yes, it angers me too, because all we can do is assume Jack brought them both back. We don’t know he did.

If there was no intention by Berens for us to draw the conclusion that these two were brought back by Jack, then I’ll concede that the 15x18 is a clusterfuck of offensive moments and that I have absolutely no idea who these writers are, yeah? But I’m not going to assume that’s what happened, because it doesn’t track with every single other episode that Berens has written, nor does it track with the subtext he established for us in that episode: the love story exists, because couple after couple was broken apart and then Dean and Cas were broken apart. Why would theirs be the only relationship where the love was established as romantic (by Cas’ speech) and yet not reciprocated, when both of the other couples were deeply in love with each other?

Cas is canonically alive--as an angel or as the soul of the man he grew into is up to us to decide--and so the bury your gays trope doesn’t actually work in relation to him. His sacrifice brought him the integration he needed to go fix what all of his previous bad choices and insecurities and lack of self-worth and self-insight made fall apart: Heaven. And his faith in Jack made all of this fixing possible. To my mind, this is an incredible way for his individual arc to end. 

Would I have preferred Heaven fixed by Jack and Cas being able to let Heaven go? Yup. But that’s not what we got, so hey ho.

All that said, your comment on how Dean is now shown to find happiness (or at least true happiness) in death is an enormous issue and I wholeheartedly agree with you on the fact that the narrative has made itself so vulnerable to this interpretation is beyond neglectful. 

Dean’s death shocked me to my core on Friday. It was such a slap in the face.

But you go on to mention how this is all really harmful messaging and I am so sorry, lovely, but on this I’m going to have to disagree with you again.

Messaging is intentional. Leaving the narrative open to this type of interpretation by its audience is not messaging. 

Do you sincerely believe that Jensen and Jared would go into this episode with the intention to send any type of damaging or harmful message to this fanbase, their fanbase, when they know that fanbase so well, when they’ve been so involved with creating hotlines and raising awareness about mental health, when Jared has nothing that is closer to his heart than this very issue?

Of course they wouldn’t. 

There’ll be peace when you are done. And all of us will be done at some point. This is an overarching message for human beings moving through life the best we know how, not knowing what waits for us at the end of the road. It’s not Dean’s choice to die. He’s not entirely ready. Just like most of us won’t be. But he accepts it nonetheless. And the reward he receives at the end of his journey is given to him by Cas: a Heaven that now knows free will.

Like I said, I can see the most likely reasons these choices were made. 

Do I like that the heart symbology was tied up through Dean’s death being linked to his heart? No. Do I like that the codependency was broken through Dean’s death, rather than active choice? No. Do I like that Dean died in a barn? No. Can I see positive things in all of these choices? Yes.

Not because I’m on a quest to make my own personal peace with the show, but because this is what I’ve done with this narrative for the past four years of writing meta analysis of it, looking at the deeper threads, finding ways to braid them together or pull them apart, see how things fit, see how they make sense with the bigger whole.

I’m quite okay with being called a clown for my positivity. I’ll even take bitch. (don’t worry someone else called me those things) But don’t come and accuse me of approaching my analysis with anything but the utmost fucking diligence and awareness and desire to suss out what the messaging is, based in what’s come before. 

And I know you don’t want to hear it, but I genuinely do not believe that messaging, in 15x20 or any other episode of this show, has ever been intentionally harmful. Neglectful and ignorant? Yes. But my positive spin wouldn’t have been possible if I actually believed that Jensen and Jared had stepped onto set knowing exactly how the visual exploration of “there’ll be peace when you are done” would be interpreted by the fandom. 

Am I thrilled with this ending? Am I full-out defending every choice made? Am I onboard with this ending now and all the disappointment has been left behind? Do I find it a fulfilling thought that Dean had to die to know true peace and, at least as hinted, even true love? Am I pleased with the brother threads that can be pulled on forever by that final visual where it’s just the two of them, rather than them together with their found family?

Of course not. I mean, I would even say a hell no to that. It sucks. But was it pure choice, or was it choice brought on by circumstance?

Either way, the fact that we didn’t get Misha in the finale will forever smart. 

And I wanted Cas back so badly that I kept that hope alive for two weeks because anything else was utterly unthinkable to me. Of course I’m still devastated. Of course I’m still aching. And of course now we’re left with a frustrating ending that many saw coming a mile away, but that I always hoped wouldn’t be necessary, given how progressive the times are.

These thoughts above are the basis for my positive meta. The questioning of why we got the ending we got, rather than something more in line with the progression of the show. There’s good in all the bad. And that’s really not me making excuses. That’s me actually fucking seeing it there. Just as I’ve seen everything in this narrative that I’ve meta’d over the years.

I’d thank you not to be dismissive of that.

xx

#commentary #spn 15x20 #representation #negativity #positivity #spn discourse #sorry if this offends #it's not my intent #I'm off to watch Misha's panel

[collegestudentvevo]

a thought on cancel culture

inspired by this post from @veraiconcos

i think we should cancel cancel culture. it’s become so toxic and overused that it doesn’t do it’s intended job anymore. i also believe that “cancel” has become so much of a buzzword it doesn’t have a proper meaning either.

i think it is completely necessary to hold celebrities accountable for their actions but to also remember that they are human and by no means perfect. we forget that celebrities are also people who are bound to make mistakes. but how they move forward from those mistakes is very telling about the people that they are. 

as explained in the post i linked above, matthew gray gubler is a celebrity who is by no means perfect. he has made mistakes and he has said things that we would now consider “problematic” or something we should “cancel” him for. he has previously used the r word and mentioned in a poem that he is “dubious of lesbians” which has been interpreted different ways. i have my thoughts about those actions of his but i am neurotypical and i am not a lesbian so i don’t have a place to speak on those actions publicly. i will say that the word “dubious” is defined as “unsettled in opinion, doubtful” by Merriam Webster’s Dictionary. which i interpreted to mean that he does not anticipate being in a relationship with a lesbian, therefore making sense to me, but i also think it wasn’t needed to be said in the poem. again, that is not for me to decide. it is for the lesbian community to determine the value of that statement. here is another post listing things matthew has done that may be considered problematic. 

tw // SA

there also have been sexual assault allegations made against matthew, that i have heard of. i also was told that the woman who made those allegations said that they were false. but i have no receipts on this information so if anyone has info or links regarding this, that would be greatly appreciated if you could send it to me or reply to this post!

i would also like to mention, that as a victim of SA, i will always stand on the side of victims and survivors. first and foremost, we need to believe women, victims, and survivors before coming to the defense of the accused.

back to celebrities and cancel culture in general

i believe that to some extent, cancel culture has been used for good. especially cases in which racism, sexism s*xual assault, homophobia, transphobia, etc. have played a part in certain celebrities’ lives. some people refuse to educate themselves on the matters at hand and i don’t think anyone should continue to “stan” or support celebrities, groups, etc. that uphold values like that. i don’t believe anyone should support celebrities, groups, etc. that have beliefs and political values that don’t align with their own. some people say that they like to “separate the art from the artist” but i don’t believe that that is possible in today’s day and age. if i listen to an artist like xxxtentacion or whatever the fuck his name is, who has multiple r*pe and p*dophilia accusations against him (i believe) i am indirectly supporting him. streaming his music on spotify gives him streams which translates to a certain amount of profit. giving streams and support to artists like this, tells them that they can still be successful, even after doing the terrible things that they’ve done and refusing to apologize or change their actions. 

but there is a time when cancel culture is used far too often. if someone says something slightly wrong they get canceled almost immediately. for example, demi lovato had a finsta account on which she was presumed to be making fun of and tearing down selena gomez. i did not see the actual posts or account, only screenshots, but i agree, tearing down other women is not acceptable. but demi wasn’t doing this in the public eye and she did address it afterwards. although i’m not sure if we got an apology, she addressed it and her actions have shown growth since then. 

i think the important thing to remember is that we are all human. we all make mistakes and what matters is that we learn from them. we all (including celebrities) need to take accountability for our mistakes and to also take the time and resources we have to constantly be educating ourselves on issues in other communities that we may not be privy to. a big example of this is the black lives matter movement. i am a firm believer and support of the movement as i believe everyone else should be. and if someone doesn’t know or understand what the movement is about, they need to take matters into their own hands and educate themselves on the systemic racism in america, the problems with the police force, right wing arguments, left wing arguments, etc., etc. no one, and i mean NO ONE has an excuse to not be educated. yes, make a mistake but make sure you learn from it. when someone tells you that you said or did something wrong, offensive, incorrect you need to listen to them. listen to their story and to why they are upset about what you said/did. then, take it upon yourself to further educate yourself on the issue.

cancel culture has been blown out of proportion and the fact that “cancel” is such a buzzword nowadays i do believe that it has lost its meaning.

but. if a celebrity does something that a group says is offensive or problematic, we need to listen to that group. we can’t excuse behavior just because we think “he would never do that!” or “he’s so sweet i can’t imagine him ever saying something like that.” just because it’s hard to believe doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. at the same time, we need to allow celebrities to atone for their sins. celebrities need to be allowed growth as well, just like anyone else.

the issue of cancel culture is complicated and complex but it’s worth talking about. if i made a mistake in this post or in any of my posts please let me know! if i ever did something that was offensive or rude or anything that may be negative, i want to know so i can learn from it. i think everyone else should hold that belief as well. 

i could probably talk about this for years but thank you if you read my thoughts on this.

one last thing: i love matthew gray gubler. and as i said earlier, he is not perfect. i would love for him to apologize for everything he’s done wrong in the past, but i’m not even sure if he realizes or remembers doing those things. that doesn’t excuse his lack of apology, but we don’t know how he’s changed since then. he seems to me to be a person who tries to be kind to everyone and to stand up for what is right. but, we, as fans, are not a part of his personal life. we do not know the true matthew gray gubler, who he is on a daily basis. we can ask for him to speak up on issues or to apologize for saying a word or something in that vicinity, but we don’t know what he does in his own time. i don’t think we can expect him to broadcast his every move and every political belief and every value. i just think that is unrealistic. we won’t know where he stands on every topic ever, we just have to trust that he would do the right thing and if proven otherwise, we take it from there, i think.

these are certainly just my personal thoughts and by no means are they not flawed. i think there will always be flaws in arguments about topics like these. i think all we can do is try and learn and expect those we look up to to do the same.

i love you all. treat people with kindness :)

#m #cancel culture