#SOMETIMES I WRITE THIS MIDDLE-AGED MAN LIKE HE’S 25 AND JUST NEED TO SHUT THE F*CK UP | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mochikeiji · 3 years

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Exact Replica

Request: "Hi! I really love you're writing and was wondering if you could do prompt 25+29 for Kuroo Tetsuro from Haikyuu? And could it be angst to fluff? (Maybe Kuroo was ignoring the reader due to lots of work/stress so reader feels neglected?) It's totally up to you tho! Ty so much!!"

25. "Would you notice if I was gone?"

29. "I didn't mean it."

↠ Pairing: Kuroo Tetsuro x F!Reader

↠ Warning: angst to fluff, mentions of pregnancy and kuroo's sad childhood

↬ Word Count: 3.7k

↠ a/n: okay this is my longest one yet. I swear the prompt screams angst to fluff so much that I go into it.

↳ from Go! Go! Gogatsu Event

Kuroo Tetsuro achieved many great things in life after graduating from his university, with multiple acknowledgements and honors. Landed a position as a young CEO from a sports association at the age of 24, he had enough money in his pocket and bank to stable both of you financially. Life was good to him after having to build from the roots of his ruined childhood; the only years of defeat Kuroo doesn't ever want to repeat. His father and mother were in the same position as you both are; owning your own shared house, good working environment, investments and stability, married.

Up until this day Kuroo questions why his parents split. They were fortunate that they had every thing completed, sadly it was the family and love that wasn't taken care of. You could be the happiest person, yet the void inside would still be there, Kuroo thought. Foolish people were to neglect something more valuable than any object that is given. Whether it was his father or his mother that stopped nurturing what they both bonded for the longest time, they were both fools to let each other go over something simple. He vows to never let history repeat itself.

But now the tables seemed to have flipped for the both of you. Your lives not far from what he had ran away from. If Kuroo could eat his words back, he would've now that he was running late yet again to coming home, forgetting about the promise he swore to about joining you after a full month of being occupied in his office. Coming home to have you already tucked in bed, but suffering in silence.

Most days he didn't bother greeting you in the morning and night. As a good wife, you understand. He was a busy man with an important position to maintain.

There were times where you'd be tapping your foot down on the floor as the clock strikes at an ungodly hour with your messages still not bothered to be replied to or even read. But you understand. He's working! Always doing what he can for the both of you like the good husband he wanted to be.

Even if sometimes he'd come home without a kiss or a simple, "I missed you." you understand. He's drained. No time for silly, endearing affections. You've done them a lot before back when you were younger. You're adults! Married! A married partner shouldn't be feeling so needy when the other was only doing their part.

Even when sometimes your insecurities would kick in whenever you'd visit your husband to drop his forgotten lunch again, only to see him flocked by different women; probably secretaries, interns, and assistance.

You understand. You always did took such good care of what you two have.

Well had.

His home office door slams shut, awakening you from your nap on the couch. Didn't Kuroo notice you when he walked in? Looking at the clock you noticed it was near 11:30 PM since he's arrived. Late again, maybe he hasn't eaten anything? No worries, you thought sadly. Stretching your aching muscles, you made your way to the dining area. So far dinner was left untouched once more. Just how many times has it gone to waste because you continued on cooking for two?

Or rather, three.

You beam at the sudden reminder while preparing your husband's plate. You'd always miss him whenever he'd come home, never had the chance to surprise him at the right time of your little discovery about a week ago. Fear did struck you because of the possible reactions he'd give, but you were so excited in sharing the news that a couple would share the equal happiness from, you couldn't contain it any longer.

Maybe you should've chosen another time unbeknownst to you how your husband was hunched over his desk, clearly in displease of the previous events that had occurred during the meeting back in his office. Hence why his work stack added more piles of predicaments, only fueling his headaches more wishing he could just lay down peace and quiet without disturbance.

He grumbles at the knock on his door, only typing furiously with emphasized taps on the keyboard. You, not sensing the emitting aura from the room took it as a response for you to enter. It surprised you a bit on how disordered his home office had become. It was obvious his coat had been thrown carelessly as it lays on the floor, wrinkled. Carefully placing the plate full of food on the small coffee table at the side, you gingerly picked up the article of clothing. Lightly trying to smoothen out the lines before hanging it behind his door and turning back to your husband.

"Tetsu?" cautiously calling out his name, you were kind of wary at the fact he didn't turn to see you unlike he does before whenever you'd enter the room. "I brought you your dinner. You came home pretty late." you tried to maintain the light hearted tone of your voice to hide how nervous you were in telling him the big news.

The atmosphere was kind of eerie when all he did was hum meekly from your words. Feeling a bit disheartened from his lack of attentiveness, still forcing a smile, you padded a little closer behind him with your hands clasps together. "I also wanted— well needed to tell you something." averting your eyes away from him as you prepared in your head. With a small hope he'd turn around for once after a long time.

"Can it be another time? I'm in the middle of stuff here."

Another time.

Why is it always next time? It's frustrating enough to not see him or have him speak to you even for a moment, but this made your stomach churn in an unpleasant way. Frowning at his poor reply, you gulped a few of your sentence back. Not fully trusting your emotions getting in the way, "You never really talked to me before, Tetsu.. I get that you're busy, but it wouldn't hurt for you to give a little minute for me."

Even just a second as long as he'd finally notice you.

"(Y/n) if you understand then why bother? You can clearly see I'm busy." chest huffing out a harsh sigh, still not bothering to turn around. Gripping your hands tightly, your patience were starting to snap. "You're always busy, Tetsu! I never had a proper conversation with you again." raising the volume of your voice a little made his actions come to a halt. Chair revolving around to face you. His appearance made it obvious how exhausted he has been; tousled hair that he usually takes longer to style, the light forming bags underneath his eyes from the screen and lack of sleep. The visible annoyance marked in his expression. But couldn't he say the same for you?

"Fine. Here, you have my attention now. Are we talking properly now?" his way of provoking you wasn't in the right place. It only made you look at him in disbelief because you've grown to never meet such side of your husband before. The news you had originally planned to share vanished from your head, replaced with the restrained emotions that has been building up inside your heart, tipping over.

"Tetsu, what is wrong with you?" looking at him now seemed like you were talking to someone else. His words were curt and short with no intention of prolonging the conversation, itching to get back to work so he could be done with it. "I already you I'm just busy. I would be done by now if you didn't want to talk properly with me." he says as if he's the one in distraught. "Seriously, nothing's wrong but I think you aren't. You're never like this."

"That's because you never cared to noticed in the first place!" wailing out the collapsed emotions that has weighed you heavily. It was too late to stop yourself from voicing out the things your husband left aside. A full month of being a good, understanding image of a wife thrown away to the rubbles without even appreciating the the long nights of you waiting up for him, cooking meals even though the next day they'd end up being in the trash, tolerating the coldness of the used to be warm sheets, putting up with the insecurities you took upon yourself to hide to avoid troubling your husband further when all you wanted was for him to assure you that he still loves you and only you.

The fascade you put up just for him crumbles. And it infuriates you more of how he still doesn't notice.

"(Y/n), you know I've been working! There's so much stuff that needs to be attended for just so you and I could live normally!"

"Tetsuro, we are stabled, it's okay to slow down a bit. How is this any normal to you when you don't even realize how this affects me?!"

The chair slides back roughly against the floor with a loud creak as he towers over you. Glowering eyes with a dark expression looming over his face, clearly now enraged. "You're being selfish right now. I'm here doing what I can to support us and all you could think of was you, you, you. Can't you see I'm doing this for you as well? God what else do you want from me, the world?"

"I only wanted you to give me your time and attention even just for a second, Tetsuro! I've been doing my best for you all this month and I never said anything to trouble you!"

It hurts when he said how you were being the selfish one when it was the opposite. It dawned to you that all those days of giving your all for him wasn't once noticed. "Will you ever grow up already? Attention? Really? We're adults, (Y/n) not teenagers for fucks sake. My time is just wasted because of you!" he doesn't stop there even if you've had your mouth already shut from how he portrayed you as. His words were beginning to leave a deep scar in you as you quiet down to the next line.

"If you think that nothing is troubling me, there is! And you just happen to add in for crying out loud!"

There were no words exchanged after his meltdown. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he looks away from you— who's eyes were already watery. Unable to even tell your side anymore at the ache of your heart. "So..I'm just troubling you then?" quivering out your words, Kuroo clenches his jaw as the bubbling frustration was being held back with the last bit of restrain he had.

"Would you notice if I was gone, Tetsu?"

Instead of being alarmed by your chosen form of sentence, you watched with sad eyes as your husband pulled back his chair and faced his workload. He didn't even noticed you're already crying silently, "Not now, (Y/n). We'll talk later."

He doesn't even noticed how you walked out sobbing with a shattered heart nor the door in the living room closing. Leaving him alone for the next few hours in peace like he wanted.

Time went on quickly when one doesn't take their eyes off from their consecutive workaholic state. With a groan, he almost slams his laptop shut before stretching his bones, slowly relaxing the tense muscles. It's up to his co workers and assistance to deal with the load he's prepared to dump onto them after they threw all theirs to him. Hoping to freshen up his face, Kuroo tidies his desk up before making his way to the door. Stopping in realization of the now cold dinner that was left on the coffee table.

His stomach growled loudly at the lack of food it's digested in the longest run. It was still good if he heats it up, he does miss eating home made meals than his stale ones back in the cafeteria of his workplace. Grabbing the plate carefully he first made a short journey to the kitchen to heat up his food. Unusual it was to have all the lights out in the house. You'd always leave some opened when he was awake. Then again the guilt started to crawl up to his chest knowing he's the cause of why you'd forgotten.

Now entering the bathroom with water running down his face, he plans ahead the apology he owes you when he wakes up tomorrow morning. He could reschedule his own time since he is the boss. He closes the faucet right after he was done rinsing. Looking around for the towel his eyes caught something below the small organizer you put up next to the sink. Grabbing the towel above the first part of the organizer, bending down slowly to avoid getting cramps, his actions were quick to grab the object that caught his attention the moment it seemed so familiar and surprising.

Pregnancy test. Two lines for positive.

Having a child with you was the last thing he's yet to accomplish from his list, and here it was. As much as he wanted to be in denial, it all felt like surge of contentment drowns him in because he was going to be a dad. However his body began to tremble whilst still holding the test and staring intently at it. The previous guilt that was crawling beneath his bones became a dark, desolated hole of anxiety and fear that ate him whole. The things he's said and done will never be taken back no matter how he apologizes to the past events a few hours ago.

Hours ago. It was already 2:25 when the fight had ceased. Deep down he knows he couldn't wait until the next day to plead for forgiveness. After all, he did vow to never leave you both a day feeling heavy alone. Kuroo felt nauseous of how much of an asshole he had treated you. Like starting a game of volleyball once more, he was beyond nervous when he approached your shared bedroom. There was no excuse of his actions indeed as he solemnly enters the dimmed room. He sighs a little shaky when he closes in your bed, "Baby?" he starts, "Baby, are you awake?" it was one of the little things he's memorized that you'd do when you both aren't in good terms. You never really slept, just pretended because you always had the heart to wait up for him.

When he gets no response he reaches out to pat you, only coming to the sense that the sheets were left untouched; no warmth traced behind. You weren't there, any where. His blood runs cold and immediately fishes out for his phone in his pocket, speed dialing your number while he circles the entire area of the house in case you'd be there. Now he was more terrified when he hears the familiar voice mail from the living room couch where you had slept while waiting for him.

You left your phone. His wife wasn't home— his pregnant wife.

"Fuck." running a rough hand through his tangled hair. The lump on his throat grows but he refuses to let out a string of sobs. It was his fault you were gone at such an ungodly hour. Kuroo felt more than a bigger asshole than before he's made you come to the point of leaving home. Just as his mother did and never returned. The one thing he swore you two would never be the same came to life, only thought now is Kuroo doesn't know whether you've left him for good after being a neglectful husband and to have dishearten his own beloved wife like that.

"Would you notice if I was gone?"

Rang in his head as he stood outside the neighborhood, running. Chasing after a hallucinated image of you any place he tried to remember you'd be in. A fool he has been to have left you in a loveless marriage. He loves you, he really does. He can't imagine a life without you in it. Just as it was about to become the happiest he's wanted, he pushed it all too soon. A bad husband, he cries. "(Y/n), please come home." legs aching and panting from having to study all areas. It was pitch black; there were no opened spots for you to even go at an hour of slumber and chaos. The only convenient store did not even have you in it. You were no where to be seen and Kuroo breaks.

Of course he'd notice when it was all too late. The past he's ran away from was still the place he's returned now that the house was only occupied by nothing but rotten memories of the love he didn't took care of. The exact replica of a married life he desperately tried to dodge. "I'm so sorry." for the lonely nights he's left you to sleep, over thinking of what may have been your fault and always figuring him out tirelessly. For the small efforts of adoration he didn't took a glance at and gone to waste. For the words that were never even meant for you to ever feel. For being a neglectful husband. He was sorry he noticed too late how he ruined his precious wife.

Now he's left you on your own out in the dangers outside. If anything horrible happened to you he will forever be crushed. But the world thinks that second chances are given to those who truly deserve them after you came in quietly, slipping off your sandals and waving back to your friend who had dropped you off home. Your short break to the convenient store changed when you met up with her and drove back to her place to rant about what happened. Being the sluggish person you are whenever sadness hits, you never noticed how long you've over stayed. It wasn't like your husband was going to know if he still was working.

Much to your surprise that he wasn't, you stifled a gasp to find him with his hands holding his head that was leaned down on the table. His shoulders were lightly jolting with escapes of audible sniffles, indicating that he was in fact crying. If he looked exhausted before, it wasn't enough to describe his current state; as if he was a man who'd lost every thing as he sat there with all hope lost. Your foot padded on the creaky part of the floor in attempt to tiptoe over his hunched back to comfort him. Squeaking in the awkward situation you've put the room in when Kuroo turns his head behind to see you standing there a bit frightened, but concerned when you saw how disheveled his face looks.

"Tetsu—" his name got cut off short from when you almost tripped over your balance at the sudden impact of Kuroo throwing himself into your arms with his weight. You couldn't make out what he was mumbling on about, but you melt to his embrace even if he squeezes the living day lights from you, afraid that he was going crazy and you weren't real. "Thank God," litters of kisses were placed on your clavicle, "You're back."

He repeats, slowly convincing himself that you are indeed home in his arms, safe, no harm detected. Just home. "I'm so sorry.."

"I didn't mean it. I didn't mean any of what I said, I-I'm so sorry." your bodies swayed gently to the sound of your hushes and his cries of apologies. "Please don't leave me like that again. I was so scared."

"Shhh, it's okay, Tetsu. I'm sorry. I'm okay— we're okay." leading him to sit down at the couch, you placed the bag of different brands of sweets and junk on the table before facing your husband. You had to stifle in a laugh watching him wipe his nose, you couldn't help but be reminded of a mini Tetsuro by looking at him. The argument that stung you faded when he took a hold of your hands and mumbled another apology.

"You shouldn't be sorry for anything. I should be.." flickering his eyes from your belly to your bloodshot eyes from your own fiasco back in your friend's place, he slides in closer next to you where your shoulders touched. "I haven't been a good husband lately, have I?" he looks at you expectantly. Frowning, you still nodded. Tired of hiding your own feelings from him.

"I know you're busy most of the time, Tetsu. But I just wanted you to recognize me as your wife." thumbs quick to swipe away the tear that had shed from your eye, "We're in this together, remember?" he pulls you right from the arm, shoving your face to his chest in need to hold you for all the times he should've. Ignoring the dampness of his white long-sleeved polo, breathing in the scent of your sweet shampoo. You were still so forgiving and understanding despite on how equally tired as he was you are.

"I'm so sorry I've made you feel as if I never cared anymore. You never deserved that." his lips found it's way to the crown of your head. "I don't deserve you, and I really don't want to lose you after me being stupid." giggling through tears, fist connecting a soft punch on his chest, bubbling a chuckle to the surface as he lightly pulls you away from hiding.

"I really didn't mean all of those things I've said, baby. I love you and only you." stroking ever so lovingly your cheek, you don't catch on to the fact that his other hand was placed over your stomach protectively. Making a silent promise to not only you, but the soon to be new addition to the family that he will never again neglect what he should've cherished more and looked after than the constant worries at the back of his head.

Because he will never again repeat the replica of a broken family he once was born in.

#haikyuu kuroo #haikyuu!!#haikyuu imagine #haikyuu x reader #kuroo tetsuro x reader #kuroo tetsurou x reader #kuroo x you #kuroo x (y/n)#kuroo testuro #kuroo angst #kuroo fluff #hq kuroo #kuroo imagine #kuroo x reader #kuroo tetsuro oneshot #raines: gogatsu event

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dgrayland · 4 years

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★D.GRAY MAN ★ ANIME & MANGA RECCOMENDATIONS

So, you all knows how much I love D.Gray-Man (forever and ever and ever) but when you get at the point where you pretty much watched and rewatched the entire series - original & hallow and all - as well as read and re-read the manga you’re gonna need a breather to process all the emotions but yet still can’t seem to let go. Yet at the same time, ya need a breather with something familiar yet something new. Yule gotchu, fam (＾＾)ｂI’ve compiled a few recommendations that might match your tastes.

The few below would probably have elements from DGM that you might like and find intriguing and probably fill up the time until Hoshino reveal more to us.

Here we go!

GLOSSARY

01. Claymore

02. 07 Ghost

03. Pandora Hearts

№ 1 — CLAYMORE

RECOMMEND : Both Anime & Manga ★★★★★

This is an oldie but a real goodie. I think it was way back when I was in middle school when I first watched Claymore but recently I rewatched it and it’s still very good. The action scenes were top notch and each battle is very interesting to watch especially when they really go at it.

The story takes place in medieval-esque time in a world that’s overrun by demons known as Youma who can disguise themselves wearing human skin. They’re difficult to get rid of and when a town found themselves infested, they have no choice but to contact and Organization in order to dispatch a Claymore warrior in order to deal with the monster. In this story, we follow a Claymore named Claire, one of the Silver-Eyed Witches as she is accompanied by her human companion Raki.

The Organization is definitely the Order’s equivalent, Youma’s as Akumas and Claymore/Silver-Eyed Witches as Exorcists.

Those who love D.Gray-Man would definitely find something to like in Claymore as they hit similar themes although Claymore is definitely a bit more darker and gory in nature so beware of that (A bit of warning on assault too. I think two scenes but it didn’t get far.) There’s definitely body horror and blood and guts but it’s mostly keep out of eyesight in the anime but the same can’t be said for the manga.

The story is really intriguing and really led you to wanting to know more and wanting to know how it ends. The soundtrack is also absolutely fitting and gets you hype up with the scenes. There’s 26 episodes for the anime and the manga is complete with 156 chapters (give or take) Though I haven’t finished the manga yet so no spoiling me (;´д｀) Not that I don’t know the ending...what?! Sometimes I can’t help myself!

I have so many things I want to rave about this anime but I’m gonna keep my lips shut and let you experience it by yourselves. (・ω<)

Not enough? Let these few gifs convince you!

№ 2 — 07 GHOST

RECOMMEND : Both Anime & Manga ★★★★

Same with the above, I was probably in middle school when I first stumbled on this anime. After completing Claymore for the second time, I instantly remembered and rewatched it. This focuses more on emotional point similar to D.Gray-Man where characters have their own arcs and lessons to go through.

07 Ghost takes place in a fantasy realm with cultural influence from Germany, magic in forms of Zaiphon and even have Sky Pirates! Yes Sky Pirates! The story however follows Teito Klein, a battle skalve (slave) for the Empire but one day he starts to remember his past and flees from the Empire falling into the church grounds where the 7 Ghost are worshipped. And soon he have to deal with Kors and Wars who temps humans to grant their wishes before taking their souls and run into the 7 Ghosts as he tries to uncover his hidden memories of the past.

I think out of the three recommendation, 07 Ghost hits most of the same notes as D.Gray-Man though I do prefer DGM in terms of story telling and everything but 07 Ghost is an interesting emotional journey of its own. In this series, the Church mirrors the Order though DGM order is much darker in terms of ambitions, Wars and Kors mirroring Akumas and the Clerics and 7 Ghosts can stand in the place of the exorcists. Allen and Teito have similar notes as well but I won’t say much more because it’d be spoilers but a clue would be in terms of identity, they’re not all they seem. Lastly, 07 Ghost have a beautiful melody called Raggs Requiem that would be Lacrimosa Lala’s song equivalent.

The anime guarantees a good time having hit the same comedic and emotional points and for all those shonen-ai shippers, this is the series for you (o'ｕ≦o) though I have yet to see if the couples end up together (I’m still reading the manga. Gomennasai m(；∇；)m ) so no guarantees on that. For the first time viewers, you’re gonna need tissues for the anime. It’s not a long anime with 25 episodes that focuses on the church before Teito leaves for the journey but it’s a worthwhile experience.

As for the manga...I was a bit disappointed by a couple of scenes as it moves at a fast pace and didn’t have as much of an emotional impact on the readers as covered by the anime but the story is fascinating and the characters have many layers and the deeper you go, the more you see their motivations aren’t surface level. The manga isn’t long spanning exactly 100 chapters (if you count the extra) and there’s enough mystery and emotional backstory as well as action to go around. I’m actually disappointed that they didn’t continue the anime as the story after Teito left the Church was very interesting especially when it comes to the identity of Teito Klein as well as the true identities and past of the 07 Ghost : (1) Zehel, (2) Fest, (3) Profe, (4) Relikt, (5) Vetrag, (6) Ea and (6) Lankarte as follows -

Not to mention we have a younger less cynical perverted version of Cross, a less eccentric but still highly eccentric Komuii-like character as well as a cute mascot, Burupya! How could you say no to such a cute face?

№ 3 — PANDORA HEARTS

RECOMMEND : Both Anime & Manga ★★★★★

OKAY, YOU KNOW WHERE I’M GOING WITH THIS. THOSE THAT KNOW WILL KNOW AND I KNOW THAT MOST OF YOU KNOW! This...This is probably the only anime and manga that can compete against DGM emotionally and story-plotting wise. They both will eff-ed you up emotionally, bawling into tissues as well as leave you screaming at books and screens at what will happen next.

Oh gosh, I hope I do it justice.

Pandora Hearts takes place in a fictional England in Victorian Era times in the age of noble houses and Dukedoms. On the very day that a boy Oz Vessalius is about to have his Coming to Age ceremony, he fell down and discovers a pocket watch upon a that plays a mysterious melody. Strange things happens and he was thrown into the world of Abyss - a twist on Lewis Caroll’s Wonderland filled of broken things, the Will of the Abyss and beings called Chains. There he meets a Chain and form a contract with her bringing him back to his own world but an Organisation have tracked him down and now he have to cooperate with them as he unravels the mystery about himself, the Chains, the Abyss and the dark secret that loomed behind the noble houses that affects their pasts, present and future.

There’s so much I want to say and yet can’t say about this series because the amount of spoilers. It would be something that haunt you for a long time and once you get invested, you can’t quite get out.

There’s similarities between characters such as Oz with Allen and I dare say Komuii and Sheril with Xerxes but both series have a strong character cast that you would fall in love with each of them and layered story where nothing is as it seems including characters. The Chains can stand as either Innocence or Akumas in a sense but it isn’t a typical monster hunting story, it’s rather focused on unravelling the mystery one string at a time. There are heavy elements on horror and a bit of warning of blood and a bit of bodily harm so take note of that.

The anime is 25 episodes long and serves as a good enough introductory to the series but the manga is where the story truly shines. The soundtrack however is wicked epic and worth listening to. Yuki Kajiura lends her talents creating haunting melodies that would haunt your mind and tug at your hear strings. The manga spans around 104 chapters and good news! It’s completed so no need to sit in agony for so long (gawd knows I have. I had to wait for years. I still have to finish up the manga thoughᕕ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ᕗ Yes, yes, I am a bit slow when it comes to mangas) But I think most of you are pretty acquainted with this. How I know? Well....when this happens.

One last thing I need to mention - the art for Pandora Hearts is extremely beautiful and you will find yourself staring at a single page for more than a few seconds just to take in all the details. That’s it.

CONCLUSIONS

That’s pretty much what I’ve been able to gather over the last couple of months. I hope the recommendations are helpful in some way. Even if it’s not, it’s fun to write about for a bit. I definitely know there’s more series to recommend and would love to hear if there are suggestions. I’ve heard about Demon Slayer being one of them but haven’t started on it yet. Anyways....

Happy watching and reading!

#dgm #D.Gray-Man #07 ghost #claymore #pandora hearts #DGM anime & manga recommendations #yule's list

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ivybucky · 4 years

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everything i’ve got

request by @s-trawberryv-eins : Please can I request a Bucky x Banner/Stark!reader fic? Angst with a happy ending please. The two are dating but want to keep it a secret out of fear of her father disapproving. Hiding it gets really hard and they fight all the time; maybe even hit the breaks. Her dad finds out and after getting super mad he calms down and eveything works out? This is weirdly specific I know, apologies if it sounds dumb :)xxx

A/N: This was so much fun to write! I’m so excited to finally get my first fic of the decade out. Thanks to @mr-skyline-r34 and @queensevansackles for letting me bounce ideas off y’all and being my no. 1 bitches ily

Current Masterlist

author: abby

words: 2311

song I’m listening to: take a chance on me - abba

pairing: bucky barnes x reader

For the last year and a half, you’d been with the Avengers as a hacker and spy. As the 25 year old love child of Tony Stark and your mother, working alongside the man was both a dream and a tension fueled nightmare. Guess that’s where you got your attitude and anxiety from.

The team itself was your new family. All the boys were like big brothers to you, protecting you at any cost. Nat and Wanda were your best friends and your sisters and helped you get over your initial fears of being on the team

And then there was Bucky.

For the last six months, you’d been in a relationship with the former Winter Soldier. The sweet, kind, soft hearted man had stolen your heart the moment you met him. The two of you had flirted constantly throughout the entirety of your friendship, stealing glances, flittery touches, and shamelessly teasing one another.

After one particularly gruesome mission, ending with you in the medbay with several stab wounds, Bucky finally had decided to change the meaning behind your relationship. You were hesitant to tell Tony, knowing their past had some pretty low lows. You’d convince Bucky to keep it a secret for a while until you knew you were ready to be open about it.

But now, Bucky was getting frustrated. Whenever you became scared of someone finding out, Bucky would try and convince you it was time to tell the team. But your fear of what your own father might think caused you to pull back and not let it get too serious. While the two of you fought often, it would always end with you both apologizing and moving on. But not tonight.

You and Bucky had been hanging in your room, it was in the late hours of the night, to be sure that no one would see you. As you rested against Bucky’s chest watching a movie, he softly said, “I love you, Y/N.”

You shot up in your seat, eyes wide and your heart racing. “What?”

“I, uh,” he scratched the back of his neck while he looked at you with soft eyes. “I love you.”

You put a hand over your heart to try and steady its erratic beating. “Bucky,” you whispered, voice tightening in panic. “I can’t.”

You loved him, you know you did. But if you said it, then you were open like a wound, and after everything you’d been through, you didn’t know if you could handle getting hurt again.

“Is that why you don’t want to tell people we’re together? Because you don’t love me?” his face scrunched in hurt and anger.

“James, of course not,” your body trembled.

“Are you embarrassed of me? Is that it? Can’t stand anyone else knowing that you’ve been screwing around with the Winter Soldier? With a monster?” he spat out in anger.

“Is that what we’ve been doing? Screwing around? For six fucking months?” you asked incredulously.

“Well, that’s what it feels like Y/N! For Christ sakes you can’t even tell me you love me,” his voice cracked as it’s volume rose higher and higher. The pain behind his emotions melting through like a hot rod to cold metal.

Tears welling in your eyes, you took a step closer to him. “James,” you spoke softly. “You know how I feel about you.”

“Do I?” An angry tear broke free from his own eyes. “Because this all kind of feels one-side.”

You reached out to touch his arm, ready to confess every feeling under the sun to him, only for him to flinch away. “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t just sit here hidden from view when all I want to do is show you off to the whole world. I can’t be with you anymore. ”

And then was gone. His large frame stormed out of your bedroom and like the ending of a book the door slammed shut with no room left for more words. The sound echoed through your space, leaving you with a shuddering sob in its wake.

The first twenty-four hours after the fight, you didn’t leave your room. Shadows loomed in front of your doorway, some asking for entry, others uneasy with lack of confidence. A cloud hung over your bed, mimicking your state with the bright sunshine outside. At some point, the days just seemed to drag on. Now closed curtains made time disappear and left you with your thoughts. It’s all your fault. Why can’t you just be more open? Maybe you’re the monster. It wouldn’t lasted anyway. He never really cared about you.

Your eyes burned, dry of emotion after four days. You were in a dark place, but life without him was dark. He doesn’t want you.

Your stomach wretched, muscles adjusted to the curled up position you’d kept your self in. The harshness of the fluorescent lights of the hallway made you want to crawl right back into your cave, but you ran out of your secret stash of food yesterday. Shuffling your sock-cladded feet into the kitchen, you didn’t even look up as you headed to the fridge.

“Y/N?” You winced at the familiar voice of your estranged father. With a grimace on your face as you shuffle through to-go boxes, you finally speak for what feels like ages.

“Hey pops,” you managed to get out, voice tight from sobbing.

“Kid, what the fuck?” Tony pushed off his seat by the counter making his way towards you. “Why have you got yourself locked up in your room?” You sighed.

“Tones, I don’t really wanna-“ he cut you off.

“Can you please just tell me what’s going on with you? This is the first time you’ve left your room in four days. You won’t answer anyone’s texts, you’ve won’t open your door. Hell have you even said a word while you were in there? Everyone’s worried about you.”

“Not everyone,” you mumbled.

“What the fuck is supposed to mean?” You met Tony’s eyes with your sunken ones. Your face the slightest bit paler in the harsh light.

“Look you’re not going to be happy.”

“Y/N, you’re my kid. I know it’s only been a short time that we’ve gotten to know each other, but you can always tell me anything. I wasn’t much of a father before because I didn’t know. Let me be a good one now.” He put a hand on your shoulder, nodding encouragingly. You sighed.

“Bucky and I have been dating,” you rushed out, nerves getting the best of you. “For the last six months. But we broke up a couple of days ago.”

Tony’s jaw clenched, brows furrowing in anger, hand slipping from your arm. About of thirty seconds of silence passed before he spoke up.

“Are you fucking kidding me right now?”

“Tony-“ you started.

“No, this is a joke,” he scoffed. “There’s no way you were dumb enough to date Barnes.”

“Excuse me?” you asked incredulously. “I am a grown ass adult. You need to watch what you say next old man.”

“Y/N. Bucky is a dangerous, unsteady person. Who knows when he’ll break next? Sure Shuri fixed him, but how do we know for sure.”

“Anthony Stark. You know better than to make those accusation about that man. He has saved your life countless times and mine. Bucky is an amazing man who has been through so much shit I can’t even begin to imagine. He may be dangerous, but he isn’t to me. He deserved every goddamn thing the world has to offer. He has the gentlest heart and the sweetest soul and is the dumbest person in the world to want to be with someone like me. I love that man with everything I’ve got. And now because of my fear of what you would think, I’ve lost him.”

Tony took a step back, his hand going to his chest like you had just shot him, whispering in disbelief, “You love him?”

“More than I can handle sometimes.”

Tony shook his head in disbelief, moving his hand to his forehead to smooth out his eyebrows. He turned and left the kitchen, saying, “I need a minute.” And then he was out of sight.

You covered your face with your hands, groaning loudly as the steps of your father disappeared down the hall.

“You love me?” A gruff voice behind you spoke, causing your spine to straighten and your body to turn.

“Bucky,” you started softly, eyes wide with newly formed tears in your eyes. He looked no better than you did, standing as if the weight of the world had been on his shoulders for days. He held his finger in the air, pausing your words.

“Shh,” he stared at you. “You love me?”

Having never said the words out loud to him before, of course you were nervous. But once you looked in his eyes, the steel blue pools of emotion you’d often found yourself drowning in, you knew there had never been a truer statement.

“I love you,” you smiled softly, stepping closer to him. You let the tears fall freely and quickly now. “I can’t breathe without you.”

Bucky’s lips slowly melted into the sweetest smile you’d ever seen, eyes brighter than the stars outside. He rushed to you wrapping his arms around you quickly, crushing you against his chest. He tried to calm you as sobs trembled through your body. You arms wrapped around his middle tightly, relieved to find yourself there again.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you sooner,” you mumbled against his chest.

“Baby,” his voice strained out. “I don’t care about that. I shouldn’t have rushed you into saying it if you weren’t ready.” His arms tightened around you more, bringing you completely flush against him. “God, I’m so sorry honey. I hate making you feel like this.”

“It doesn’t matter,” you sighed, pulling away to lay a hand on his cheek. “Just have me back please. I can’t take it anymore.”

“Darlin’,” he chuckled, leaning in to kiss you. “You didn’t even have to ask.”

His lips pressed into yours and you almost passed out from all of your emotions. You could never get used to just how good those soft delicate lips felt. He pulled away, your lips chasing his, and grabbed you hand.

“Come on,” he tugged. “I wanna cuddle you all I can until the rest of the team finds out.”

Hours later in your bedroom, Bucky and you laid in your bed once again pressed flush against each other. With his arm around your back and your head on his chest, your fingers danced across his peck as the both of you softly talked about everything and nothing.

Giggling at an offhand comment he made about Sam and the bourgeoisie, you tilted your head to kiss the underside of his jaw. His arms tightened around you before pulling you up and sitting up. With a hand on his cheek, you rested your forehead against his.

“I love you,” you whispered, pecking his lips. He mouth cracked open in that smile that made your knees weak and moved his mouth to your neck, giving opened mouth kisses.

“Say it again,” he murmured.

“I love you,” you half-whimpered. His mouth moved to your jaw, nipping slightly.

“Again.”

“I love you,” you giggled out, his mouth finally landing on yours, nipping at your bottom lip. You hummed happily as you opened yourself more to him, pressing closer. You grinded slightly on his lap, causing him to moan slightly into the kiss.

An abrupt knock at the door cause you to jump away from each other. You felt Bucky sigh beneath you.

“Y/N can we talk please?” Tony called out from behind the door. You quickly got off of Bucky’s lap and made your way to open the door, ignoring his reaching hands.

“Hi Tony,” you said softly. “What’s up?”

He shuffled his feet, looking sheepish. “I feel bad about how I reacted, Y/N/N. You’ve been in a bad place and I should’ve been more considerate and tried to help you through it. And you’re right, Barnes deserves a lot more than what he’s been given. Obviously, he’s been taking care of you and I think you too should be together. I was just being a little over protective. If you want me to talk to him and help you kids get back together then I will. Cause you deserve to feel the kinda love you were describing."

“Tones,” you started. “Don’t worry about it please. I know the news was shocking to hear.” Just as you finished speaking, a pair of arms wrapped around your waist. You smirked a little watching his brows furrow.

“And thank you for your offer,” you winked. “But I think I got it covered.”

Tony sighed. “Okay you two. Just ease me into the PDA okay?”

“You got it,” Bucky answered, earning an eye roll from Tony.

“And you guys have to tell the team. I’m not gonna be the one who lays that news on them.”

“On it,” you smiled. Tony turned with a scoff.

“Yeah, right.”

After the door to your bedroom closed, Bucky turned you around by your hips and pulled you back to the bed. While he kissed you again, you grabbed your phone and took a picture.

“What are you doing?” he chuckled, pressing a kiss to your shoulder as you quickly typed a message before muting it and putting it on your sidetable.

“Just giving the team some news,” you smiled, bringing his lips back to yours, moving to lay underneath him.

*meanwhile in the avengers group chat*

Y/N: 1 attachment: we have some news!

Birdbrain: WHAT

Nat: I KNEW IT

Clint: you did not

Steve: Since WhEn?

Tony: I knew the whole time

Add yourself to the taglist

Forever Tags: @srgntbarnes, @i-like-tubs, @shamvictoria11, @blaackpanthr, @avengers-do-it-better, @fab-notfat, @with-a-hint-of-pesto-aiolii, @captainrogerss, @sebbies, @seabassbarness, @hdthdthdt, @katzuhira, @ailynalonso15, @nostalgicbex, @conspiracy-teen, @fireismysaftey, @wonderless-screwup, @winchester-gospels-67, @whiyen-has-a-crush, @saltwater-in-the-afternoon, @wooshytooshy, @jjamesbbarness, @i-put-the-bi-in-bifrost, @nanners-the-great, @marvelsundies, @property-of-loki-x, @imagines-4-you-blog, @wizards-magic-and-witches, @alexindahouse , @theglowstickofdestiny, @sobbingforseb, @memory-of-a-goldfish, @aletheladyinred, @timelordy-fangirl2 , @girlwhoisfearless @alexiamiky2003 @thisismysecrethappyplace @silverkitten547 @real-kate-bishop-aka-hawkeye @hamiltonwrite12

Bucky Tags: @i-dont-give-a-buck, @smol-flower-kiddo, @goldenkillmonger, @buckyssxxhair, @soldatavenger , @pamskky, @cutiepiemimi13, @yknott81@barnsfeysxn @neerness @bannanasz

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sworntoprotect · 4 years

Text

THE MEGA RP PLOTTING SHEET / MEME.

First and foremost, recall that no one is perfect, we all had witnessed some plotting once which did not went too well, be it because of us or our partner. So here have this, which may help for future plotting. It’s a lot! Yes, but perhaps give your partners some insight? Anyway BOLD what fully applies, italicize if only somewhat. Long post!

MUN NAME: Pie AGE: +25 CONTACT: IM, Ask, Discord (mutuals only, by request)

CHARACTER(S): Cullen

CURRENT FANDOM(S): Dragon Age

FANDOM(S) YOU HAVE AN AU FOR: I have a modern verse for everything not Dragon Age, but I might add some actual alt verses for other fandoms

MY LANGUAGE(S): English (native), Spanish (intermediate), Korean (baby lol beginner), bits and bobs of other languages (namely French and French Patois)

THEMES I’M INTERESTED IN FOR RP: FANTASY / SCIENCE FICTION / HORROR / WESTERN / ROMANCE / THRILLER / MYSTERY / DYSTOPIA / ADVENTURE / MODERN / EROTIC / CRIME / MYTHOLOGY / CLASSIC / HISTORY / RENAISSANCE / MEDIEVAL / ANCIENT / WAR / FAMILY / POLITICS / RELIGION / SCHOOL / ADULTHOOD / CHILDHOOD / APOCALYPTIC / GODS / SPORT / MUSIC / SCIENCE / FIGHTS / ANGST / SMUT / DRAMA / ETC. (I started this and realised I’d be bolding almost everything, so: EVERYTHING)

PREFERRED THREAD LENGTH: ONE-LINER / 1 PARA / 2 PARA / 3+ PARA / NOVELLA. / ALL

ASKS CAN BE SEND BY: MUTUALS / NON-MUTUALS / PERSONALS / ANONS.

CAN ASKS BE CONTINUED?: YES / NO / OCCASIONALLY - only by Mutuals?: YES / NO

PREFERRED THREAD TYPE: CRACK / CASUAL / SERIOUS / DEEP AS HECK. / ALL

IS REALISM / RESEARCH IMPORTANT FOR YOU IN CERTAIN THEMES?: YES / NO.

ARE YOU ATM OPEN FOR NEW PLOTS?: YES / NO / DEPENDS. (after my paper is submitted, yeah sure)

DO YOU HANDLE YOUR DRAFT / ASK - COUNT WELL?: YES / NO / SOMEWHAT. (irl makes coping difficult sometimes)

HOW LONG DO YOU USUALLY TAKE TO REPLY?: 24H / 1 WEEK / 2 WEEKS / 3+ WEEKS / MONTHS / YEARS. / DEPENDS ON MOOD AND INSPIRATION, AND IF I’M BUSY

I’M OKAY INTERACTING WITH: ORIGINAL CHARACTERS / A RELATIVE OF MY CHARACTER (AN OC) / DUPLICATES / CROSSOVERS / MULTI-MUSES / SELF-INSERTS / PEOPLE WITH NO AU VERSE FOR MY FANDOM / CANON-DIVERGENT PORTRAYALS / AU-VERSIONS.

DO YOU POST MORE IC OR OOC?: IC / OOC. (I strive for more IC over OOC, but my queue does a lot of work too)

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WITH FOLLOWING OTHERS?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

BEST WAYS TO APPROACH YOU FOR RP/PLOTTING: Talk with me over IM, asks, or Disco. I’m down for almost anything as long as I see it’s feasible.

WHAT EXPECTATIONS DO YOU HOLD TOWARDS YOUR PLOTTING PARTNER: Transparency. If you have an idea, let me know! If you’re stuck, let me know! If you want to start something new or scrap something or whatever...LET ME KNOW! I promise I don’t bite and I understand.

WHEN YOU NOTICE THE PLOTTING IS RATHER ONE-SIDED, WHAT DO YOU DO?: I’m not very good with coming up with plots myself, so I’m typically the weak link when it comes to that. Sorry! But you bet I’ll pull up a plot generator and start throwing things down to see what sticks haha.

HOW DO YOU USUALLY PLOT WITH OTHERS, DO YOU GIVE INPUT OR LEAVE MOST WORK TOWARDS YOUR PARTNER?: I’m all about equal opportunity, so I try not to leave the plotting work to my partner. Let’s negotiate and find something that makes both of us happy. That’s the point after all.

WHEN A PARTNER DROPS THE THREAD, DO YOU WISH TO KNOW?: YES / NO / DEPENDS. - AND WHY?: If you want to drop a thread, I’m completely fine with it. I want to know so that I don’t end up replying to something you have no interest in anymore. Saves both of us the time.

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY LEAD YOU TO DROP A THREAD?: If drafts eat it (as they are wont to do these days) or if I feel it has reached a natural conclusion. I rarely, if ever, drop a thread in the middle. I’ll just let you know I’m going to finish it on my side and allow you a chance to finish on yours if you’d like.

WILL YOU TELL YOUR PARTNER?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

IS COMMUNICATION IN THE RPC IMPORTANT TO YOU? YES / NO. - AND WHY?: You don’t need to chat with me every minute of every day, but I like knowing the people I’m writing with. Discerning your personality and your approach to your muse gives me a much stronger understanding of how to write with you, and what vibes between us. Plus, it’s easier to remember different people’s boundaries if I talk with them a lot, too.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH ABSOLUTE HONESTY, EVEN IF IT MAY MEANS HEARING SOMETHING NEGATIVE ABOUT YOU AND/OR PORTRAYAL?: I am all for constructive criticism. Even if you think it’s nitpicky, it’s going to be a great help. Good crit allows us grow as writers and as people in general. However, I am not for baseless accusations, childish name-calling, or outright insults under the name of “constructive crit”. Remember the “constructive” part: we need to build each other up.

DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE SUCH SITUATION IN A MATURE WAY? YES / NO.

WHY DO YOU RP AGAIN, IS THERE A GOAL?: I love a good story. While I don’t agree with everything Cullen does (and no one should, for anyone real or imagined), his story is intriguing. He’s a deeply flawed, deeply broken man. I love to take on a character, toss them in every situation I can think of, and watch them evolve and grow.

WISHLIST, BE IT PLOTS OR SCENARIOS: A real redemption arc, for one. A realistic struggle with substance abuse and recovery. A future of happiness.

THEMES I WON’T EVER RP / EXPLORE: Rape or sexual assault, unless being spoken about as a past event (as I truly believe that Cullen was sexually assaulted at Kinloch along with the other psychological and physical torture he endured). In-game racism is baked in, unfortunately, but it’s not something I seek out to roleplay as a PoC myself. Finally, while I play Cullen as canon-straight, I will not play out homophobia and most definitely not transphobia. If he rejects your muse for hitting on him, it’s not because he’s being homophobic: he’s just not interested. That also doesn’t mean he’ll never be interested; people can and do change, and I ship chemistry overall. He doesn’t hate your muse for their gender, orientation, or sexual preferences. I feel like I really have to spell this out for people who don’t understand. If you feel personally insulted by this somehow, feel free to address me directly, off anon. It’s probably an issue of fuzzy wording that I’m 500% willing to fix and talk about.

WHAT TYPE OF STARTERS DO YOU PREFER / DISLIKE, CAN’T WORK WITH?: I love starters that set the scene and provide plenty to work with, be it in terms of interacting with the environment or with the other person. If your muse shows immediate disinterest in communicating (and I don’t mean argumentative, which is perfectly fine), I am not going to respond. I might politely ask for more if I feel like it’s a salvageable interaction.

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE MOST?: Stoic soldier types, bubbly short girls, and semi-mad scientists.

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE LEAST?: Characters that come across as Mary-Sue / Gary-Stu types. No flaws and barely any room to grow.

WHAT ARE YOUR STRONG ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: I'm very easy-going and I have an unearthly level of tolerance for almost everything. I try to provide partners with as much to work with as possible IC, and will pretty much support your very existence OOC. I believe in open communication so you’ll know what’s going on with me and/or our threads. Also, I typically reply within a week or two. Currently I’m tethered to finishing a big paper so I’m not a good example of that right now.

WHAT ARE YOUR WEAK ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: I can get overwhelmed by too much which slows my pace down considerably. I’m also a bit distant and do shut down on occasion; that’s usually no fault of my partners, though. Just my brain being a dick.

DO YOU RP SMUT?: YES / NO / DEPENDS. (the closer we are OOC, the easier getting here will be)

DO YOU PREFER TO GO INTO DETAIL?: YES / NO / DEPENDS. (it’s not going to be XXX but it will be descriptive)

ARE YOU OKAY WITH BLACK CURTAIN, FADE TO BLACK?: YES / NO.

WHEN DO YOU RP SMUT? MORE OUT OF FUN OR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT?: I prefer to write smut for character development and to mark a progression in a relationship. Plus Cullen is not a “one and done” guy so getting to the smut stage will take a bit of build-up.

ANYTHING YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO RP THERE?: Hmmm things that he personally wouldn’t go for I guess? Honestly I don’t know. And obviously, no rape/animal abuse/predator nonsense.

ARE SHIPS IMPORTANT TO YOU?: YES / NO Ships are a great way to further explore a character and their motivations. People do not exist in pure isolation, so I don’t believe characters should, either.

WOULD YOU SAY YOUR BLOG IS SHIP-FOCUSED?: YES / NO. I bolded both because the focus of the blog isn’t ships, but this thirst trap guy is really easy to ship with other people I tell ya hwat. I am severely picky with romantic ships for Reasons, but I don’t eschew any other types of ships. I encourage them!

DO YOU USE READ MORE?: YES / NO / SOMETIMES WHEN I WRITE LONG STUFF.

ARE YOU: MULTI-SHIP / SINGLE-SHIP / DUAL-SHIP — MULTIVERSE / SINGLEVERSE.

WHAT DO YOU LOVE TO EXPLORE THE MOST IN YOUR SHIPS?: Characters who challenge Cullen into revising his point of view and force him to be a better person. Also, characters who understand his past and they are in no ways obligated to forgive it, but do recognise that he’s struggling very hard to mend whatever mistakes he can and is willing to pay the price for his decisions.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIPS?: YES / NO / DEPENDS. - Be a good salesperson and I might buy it.

► SECTION ABOUT YOUR MUSE.

- WHAT COULD POSSIBLY MAKE YOUR MUSE INTERESTING TOWARDS OTHERS, WHY SHOULD THEY RP WITH THIS PARTICULAR CHARACTER OF YOURS NOW, WHAT POSSIBLE PLOTS DO THEY OFFER?: Cullen is a massive stick in the mud, which means it’s incredibly easy to taunt him and get him flustered all at the same time. He’s loyal, he’s intelligent, and he’s largely self-aware. He likes swords and using them. Anything your character hates about him, he most likely hates about himself 100 times more.

WITH WHAT TYPE OF MUSES DO YOU USUALLY STRUGGLE TO RP WITH?: Those from the start that show absolutely no interest in speaking with/interacting with him. Mun and muse are going to struggle to stick around. I’m not going to fight for attention and neither is he.

WHAT DO THEY DESIRE, WHAT IS THEIR GOAL?: Redemption. He wants to be a better person and make up for the past as much as he can.

WHAT CATCHES THEIR INTEREST FIRST WHEN MEETING SOMEONE NEW?: He can sniff out a fellow Templar a mile away (or several miles, in the case of Samson).

WHAT DO THEY VALUE IN A PERSON?: Honesty, a strong will, devotion (not necessarily to the Maker or the Chantry, but to a just cause that focuses on protecting others).

WHAT THEMES DO THEY LIKE TALKING ABOUT?: War stuff, chess, books, trebuchets, dogs.

WHICH THEMES BORE THEM?: Lectures about anything. He did his time in Azkaban in the Circles. No more. Please no more.

DID THEY EVER WENT THROUGH SOMETHING TRAUMATIC?: His parents died trying to escape the Blight, he was tortured for weeks/months on end by blood mages, almost all of his friends died because of it, he was manipulated and brainwashed by his superior, he was forced into a near-debilitating substance addiction by his workplace... yeah just a few things.

WHAT COULD LEAD TO AN INSTANT KILL?: Darkspawn and abominations.

IS THERE SOMEONE /-THING THEY HATE?: Darkspawn and abominations. Blood mages on principle. Regular mages (but he’s working hard to remedy this extremely bad and prejudiced thinking). Himself.

IS YOUR MUSE EASY TO APPROACH?: YES / NO. - BEST WAY TO APPROACH THEM?: Just be polite and he won’t turn you away. He’s guarded, yes, but not impossible to talk to.

SOMETHING YOU MAY STILL WANT TO POINT OUT ABOUT YOUR MUSE?: You’ll find out by writing together! ;D

CONGRATS!!! You managed it, now tag your mutuals! ♥

tagged by: pirated tagging: anyone who actually read this

#a quiet inquiry (memes)#// long post #// very long post

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incorrectblockb · 5 years

Text

friendship

↳ a woo jiho fanfic

word count: 2,200+

genre: pure fluff, slight angst, mutual pining

pairing: zico x gender neutral reader

warnings: alcohol consumption, zero proofreading, i’m not good at ending fics so that too

author’s note: i listened to yunb’s latest ep/album or whatever while writing this but i particularly like this song called friendship so if you need something to listen to while reading here it is!

in which, you’re more oblivious than you realize.

9:46 pm

“jiho, come on!”

the night started out like any other night. it was friday so you had worked all morning at your stuffy job and you wanted nothing more than to let loose and have fun with your friends that night. hyoseob had texted you that they were all meeting at the club your little social circle frequented at 10 pm. he also informed you that it was your turn to get jiho to leave his cave that night.

getting jiho to leave his studio for more than 10 minutes was always a feat in itself. he was a workaholic, to say the least. he was always working on something, be it music or even a brand new one-man entertainment company. you weren’t sure how exactly you were going to convince him to leave that night.

you found jiho at his computer, his headphones covering his ears. when you walked closer, you could hear the start of a beat he was working on. it didn’t seem like he had even noticed your presence yet with the way his eyes stayed glued to the screen and his hands flew over the soundboard. without a word, you pulled up a chair next to him at his desk. you saw the way his lips twitched into a small smile and his eyes flitted towards you then back to his computer.

“did you get hyoseob’s text?” you asked him as he removed his headphones.

jiho let out a sigh and nodded. “but i can’t go, i have to finish this.”

“it’ll still be here when you get back,” you replied, with a playful eye roll. “besides, have you even left this room all day?”

he glanced your way and you could see the sheepish look he had on his face, giving you your answer. you always tended to go into parental mode when you found out your friends weren’t exactly taking care of their well-beings. woo jiho may be a famous rapper/idol but he was no exception to your nagging.

“so i’m taking it you probably haven’t eaten in hours?”

“i ate some noodles at like 3?” jiho shrugged, nervously playing with some switches on the soundboard, avoiding eye-contact. he was like a little kid getting reprimanded by his mother.

you huffed and stood up, tugging on his sleeve as you went. you saw the hesitant look on his face but you spoke before he could protest.

“we don’t have to go to the club but you at least need something to eat.”

jiho knew you well enough to know not to fight you. but he also appreciated the fact that you respected him enough to not drag him to the club, knowing he wouldn’t be able to have fun. of course, there were plenty of days when jiho would be more than happy to go out with all his friends and have fun. when he was in work mode though, there’s no stopping him; he’s focused and determined.

that was the thing you loved about your friendship with the rapper, you both understood each other. sometimes you thought he even knew you better than you knew yourself. that’s why you considered him your best friend.

“fine, but only for a little bit,” jiho finally gave in, standing with you. he pulled a nearby hoodie over his head and shoved his wallet and phone into his sweatpants pockets. he looked over at you with a questioning look. “the usual?”

you stared at him for a moment. you had always loved the more casual look on him. the effortless way he looked so handsome had always made your heart flutter but you would never tell him that. you had to shake yourself from those thoughts by flashing him a bright smile.

“yeah, the usual.”

10:25 pm

the usual was a little korean bbq restaurant around the corner from jiho’s studio that the two of you frequented. it was run by a sweet little middle-age woman and her son. she always knew exactly what you wanted the minute you stepped foot into the door. the first time the two of you had come for a late-night snack, she had no clue who jiho (or rather zico) was and once she found out, she never treated him any differently. she would scold him for not eating the same way you did and always bring him extra side dishes without asking. she was basically like a second mother to the two of you and you both adored her.

she was there when you entered that night like she always was. you both greeted her as she motioned you to your usual table in the back corner. you didn’t even have to order as she brought out meat for you to grill and plenty of side dishes. she also didn’t hesitate to set down two bottles of soju before she bustled away to help other patrons. you almost called her back to take them since you hadn’t planned on staying that long but jiho stopped you.

“might as well since they’re already here?” he poised it as a question, letting you decide.

you nodded in agreement before he reached over to fill your glass for you. you returned the favor and then you both raised your glasses and playfully clinked them together before each taking a sip. jiho set to grilling the meat as the two of you sparked up a casual conversation about your days. you then ate as you both sipped on a couple more glasses of soju. at that point, you both were a little tipsy but not drunk.

out of habit, you pressed your palms to your warm cheeks and giggled at something jiho had said. his smile seemed to brighten as you laughed.

“you’re so cute,” he stated, matter-of-factly.

you didn’t think much of the compliment as you brushed it off and continued your conversation. you always called each other cute, so this time wasn’t any different, right?

it was when jiho blurted out how beautiful you looked that night that you really started to notice the shift in the compliments. they didn’t seem so innocent anymore. your palms began to sweat at the thought of them meaning something more. and apart of you hoped it wasn’t just due to the alcohol.

you could never really pinpoint the moment in time when your feelings for jiho went from purely friends to pining for something deeper than that. it was just like one day, you wanted nothing more than to spend your days with him. he was handsome and smart and talented and undeniably sweet. it was no wonder you fell for him. but for so long, you had always assumed the feelings were one-sided and you had kind of come to terms with that.

“let’s play truth or dare,” jiho exclaimed as you were lost in your thoughts.

furrowing your brows, you shook your head. “isn’t it weird with just two of us? besides won’t it just us basically picking truth since there’s not much you can do in a public restaurant without getting kicked out, ji.”

he sighed, “fine, then just a game of truths. 20 questions, per se.”

eventually, you agreed. the questions started off tame from the both of you. nothing too scandalous, just “who was your first kiss,” or “would you do this, this or this for 1,000 dollars.”

“who’s the most beautiful person you’ve ever seen?” you questioned, without really thinking. you smirked as you took a sip of your drink.

jiho had met many enchanting people in his years as a celebrity so you were sure that one of them had caught his eye. he had dated a few women in the several years you had been friends so you were just waiting for him to answer with one of them. his answer shocked you, though.

“you.”

“oh, shut up,” you grumbled, leaning forward to shove his arm.

he pouted as he rubbed the spot you had punched. “i’m serious, why do you never believe me? i always tell you how beautiful you are.”

you froze, ready to land another hit but your heart did a somersault in your chest. “are you flirting with me?”

jiho ran his hands through his hair as he met your unwavering gaze. “you finally noticed?”

you squinted at him from across the table. this was all so surreal to you. was he actually saying all these things to you or were you just imagining it? you half-expected to wake up from this dream at any moment in time. “wait, what do you mean, finally?”

he chuckled as he moved to pay the check. “you only get one question at a time.”

12:48 am

the two of you walked in silence back to the building where jiho’s studio was located. your head was still reeling from the whole conversation that you didn’t even know what to say. you wondered if he was freaking out too but as you looked over him, he took a deep breath of fresh air and smiled to himself; it seemed that wasn’t the case.

you watched as jiho entered the passcode to his floor of the building before you finally built up enough courage to speak up.

“i’m just gonna head home now,” you mumbled as he looked over at you.

“why?” he questioned, pushing the door open and holding it in place. “you usually stay over?”

he wasn’t wrong. usually after your late dinners, you would come back and fall asleep on jiho’s couch as he continued to fiddle with his music until the wee hours of the morning. you wanted tonight to be no different but at the same time, you knew that there was a conversation that needed be had and you weren’t sure if you were ready for it.

“i just have some things i need to do early in the morning,” you replied.

jiho seemed to notice how tense you had become and you saw the way his expression changed to disappointment. it made your heart clench.

“i’m sorry if i made you uncomfortable,” he said to you and you could hear the sincerity in his voice. “i don’t know what came over me.”

you watched for a minute as he fiddle with his hoodie string before gently ushering him into the studio. “maybe we should talk about it?”

“okay, if you want to.”

you pulled him to the couch and sat down beside him. you could feel him staring at you as you tried to piece together what you wanted to say to him.

“you didn’t make me uncomfortable, ji,” you started out. you saw him visibly let out a sigh of relief and you had to fight the urge to giggle at how cute he was. “i just want to know if you mean it? what you said about me?”

“i’ve never lied to you about anything so why start now?”

that was true. the two of you never lied to each other. you were always honest (at least when directly questioned about something).

“and the flirting? what did you mean when you said i ‘finally noticed?’“

jiho let out a small laugh. he seemed shy in that moment. “just that you’re kind of oblivious.”

you went to protest but he cut you off. “like right now, you’re pouting at me, looking like the cutest human being on the planet because you thinking i’m making fun of you when in reality i’m trying to confess that i’ve been in love with you this entire time.”

you didn’t know what to say. your mouth opened and closed a couple times. but jiho just continued on.

“but maybe you did notice and all this time you’ve been too scared to say anything. i know you feel the same way but i wanted to wait until you were ready. i know it’s scary for you. it’s scary for me too. you’re my best friend and i would never want to lose you but i’m willing to take a risk if it means i get to finally hold you and kiss you and be with you.”

he was right and you knew it. he always was. he knew you better than anyone so why would you ever think he didn’t know how you felt about him. what caught you off guard was that he felt the same about you. honestly, you never thought in a million years that he actually liked you, let alone loved you. and yes, you were scared. you were scared if he knew how you felt, he’d push you away and you’d lose your best friend. and even in that moment, you were scared of all the possibilities.

“i can’t believe i’m confessing my deepest feelings for you, and you’re analyzing everything, even now,” he chuckled. he grabbed your hands and laced your fingers together.

“jiho, i love you,” you breathed out finally, giving his fingers a squeeze. you knew you had to let go and just be in the present for once. you would never get this chance again.

“i know,” jiho replied with a knowing smirk.

“don’t quote star wars at me, you’ll ruin the moment.”

“literally nothing could ruin this for me. not now. not ever. because i love you and that’s that.”

#block b #zico #woo jiho #block b scenarios #block b fanfic #zico scenarios #zico fanfic #i have feelings for woo jiho #this actually turned out a lot longer than i thought it would be so #writing #fanfic #scenarios

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namjuicyy · 5 years

Text

Three’s A Crowd - Chapter One

Masterlist | Requests are open.

Genre: Angst, fluff, smut.

Genre of this part: Angst, fluff.

Word Count: 1.7k.

Summary: Your childhood friend shows you a whole new world, but no one expected what came afterwards.

Warnings: Low self-esteem, Jimin hardships.

"She was always there for me, it didn't matter that she couldn't understand what I was saying sometimes, she'd always answer the phone and listen to me complaining about my life."

Jimin's self-esteem was shot. Since he began high school, he had a problem with confidence and you had no idea where it came from. His parents and brother were always so supportive of him and praised him so much. Yet, there he was, texting you while you were trying to sleep because he'd made a small error in his practise and considered it to be the worst mistake he'd ever made in his life. There was no lie in your message, you were so proud of him when he sent you that video of him dancing to a Korean song you didn't know. You'd hoped that you could settle some of his worries. But that was evidently not the case when he asked to call you.

Chatting to Jimin on Skype was a regular occurrence, despite not being able to fully understand one another yet. You, since starting secondary school, had begun to learn Korean as an extra-curricular activity, and so every now and then you could pick up what he was saying. But you couldn't hold a conversation with him. So when he video-called you, and you were face-to-face, you didn't understand what he was telling you but it still felt right.

This morning was one of those times where he would call you just to rant at you. He was in the bathroom of his school, his chubby cheeks that he retained from childhood stained with his tears. His plump, bottom lip trembled as he weakly spoke to you, unloaded all his worries onto you and shared the weight of his burden. All you could really offer him were coos of the pet name you gave him and telling him that he was much better than he thought he was.

"Please, Jiminie, don't cry." You begged him in a whisper as you were too afraid to let your parents hear you awake at this time of the morning. "You're an amazing dancer, truly! I'm not just saying that to blow smoke up your arse, either. Anyone would be lucky to work with you, or watch you perform! You made one mistake, you're allowed to do that."

Jimin nodded, as if he was taking in everything you were saying. He couldn't lie, the soft tone in which you were speaking soothed him. He stopped crying when he heard your reassurance. He wiped his tears away and swallowed. "Thank you." He said in English.

In broken Korean, you thanked him for leaning on you.

"What time?" He asked.

"Oh, um, 3:20."

"Morning?"

"Yeah."

"Oh. You sleep."

In Korean you told him that you would, but only when you were sure he was happy again.

He laughed at your mispronunciation and your broken speech. Jimin was your best friend... really your only true friend. Sure there were people at school you hung around with, but you were sure you'd never see them again when you all went your separate ways. But you were learning a whole other language for Jimin. He must have been special to you.

He finally called it quits around 4:00am, practically forcing you to sleep. He blew you a kiss goodbye, as he usually did when you hung up, and let you get back to sleep. If he could have tucked you in, he would have.

Two mornings later, you received another call from Jimin, this time he was in a completely different mood. You were sat enjoying your breakfast when you received the call, something that made Jimin laugh. You would often have, what he called breakfast-dinner dates, because you'd just start your day when he called you about to end his. You couldn't make out a lot of the words he was saying, but you did hear "teacher", "good" and "grades", so you were assuming his recital was today and that he did really well. He certainly sounded like he did at least. He was rolling around on his bed like a mad man and was practically screaming at you. Your parents, who were also in the room and listening to him, were also chuckling to themselves. They understood nothing in comparison to you, so all they heard was a small Korean boy shouting at the top of his lungs. His happiness was contagious, though, and the rest of your day was spent with a smile on your face despite the people who went out of their way to purposefully attempt to upset you.

But it worked both ways, Jimin would call you to share news and you would call him to share news. He saw you crying more often than your own family did, and would always do something anything to make you smile again. He hated it when you were upset. He hated it more because he wasn't there to physically hold you, and gently rock you, and kiss you on the top of the head. He couldn't reassure you that everything would be okay like he would normally have done.

You began learning Korean at age 11, and by 13 you were pretty much fluent in the language, making Jimin's need to learn English almost obsolete. Jimin, out of everyone you knew, was the most proud of you. He'd refer to you as his bilingual bestie, and would often call you in the middle of lunchtimes at his school so he could brag to his friends about how you'd learnt his language in two years.

According to you, it was just a normal day in July. You woke up at seven o'clock, got yourself ready for school and made your way downstairs to your dining room where your dad had left you some breakfast on the table. Your mum was usually sat at the dining table enjoying her breakfast and reading through the day's news, your dad would come into the dining room after you with a hot drink for himself and your mum. Your life consisted of a blissful routine, except for that day.

Both your parents were sitting at the dining table, their breakfast hardly touched and massive smiles on their faces. Knowing grins and mischievous glints in their eyes which immediately gave away that they were up to something. You suspiciously went about your routine, commenting on how weird they were being. "Weird?" Your dad questioned. "Who's being weird? I'm not being weird. Are you being weird, my dear?"

"No, darling." Your mum responded. "I'm not being weird. Why would she think we're being weird? We aren't the weird ones here."

"No of course not."

You began preparing your breakfast and started tucking in, when you heard your mother tut. "What?" You asked, defensively yet playfully. "Can't I enjoy my breakfast in peace without my parents acting strange?"

"Do you want to know what's strange, honey-bumpkin?" Your mum asked your dad.

Your dad shook his head. "Honey-bumpkin?"

"It was the first thing that came to my head, alright? Go with it."

Your dad rolled his eyes. "What, poochie-pie?"

"Poochie-pie, really?"

"Well you called me honey-bumpkin."

"I feel like there's a point to this charade, guys." You piped up. "Anyone going to share it?"

"Right." Your dad shook his head again, this time symbolising that he was shaking away the previous seriousness to return to his playful banter with his wife. "What do you find strange, my beautiful wife?"

"Aw." Your mum cooed. "I find it strange how our little ___, who is usually so perceptive and smart, hasn't noticed that her plate is a little wobbly while she's been trying to eat."

"Really? She hasn't noticed the whopping great envelope under her food?"

"No she hasn't."

You saw it after they pointed it out to you. Your confusion was clearly etched on your face as you moved your plate out of the way to reveal a large envelope addressed to you. It was in Jimin's handwriting. Since you'd both entered the world of the Internet and discovered instant messaging, the letters became few and far between. The last time you saw his handwriting, it was messy and childish. But the lettering on the envelope was small, but neat. He'd improved a great deal. You turned it over to reveal a small, cute sticker keeping the envelope shut. It was a bright pink heart cartoon sticker that would be almost garish if it didn't come from Jimin. You, gently, in order to spare Jimin's feelings, peeled open the envelope to reveal a short handwritten letter from him.

"Read it out loud!" Your mum exclaimed, her excitement too strong to hide.

"In English!" Your dad interrupted, knowing your sense of humour would have made you begin to read it in Korean. You chuckled at how well your family knew you.

You cleared your throat and began to read:

To my bilingual bestie,

It's your boy, Chim-Chim here! It's been a while since we've done this, huh? I think the last letter I sent you was wishing you a Merry Christmas. Or was it a Happy New Year? I don't remember, I've slept since then.

I just wanted to let you know how proud we all are of you. You're doing so well in school, and now you're fluent in a whole other language. You continue to amaze me even now! I think you've even amazed your parents, too.

But my family and yours were talking and we thought it was a bit strange how you were fluent in the language of a country you've never visited before. Usually people visit the country then learn the language, but you've done things backwards. So, this needs to be rectified as soon as possible.

I hope you haven't made any plans for the summer break, because you're going to be spending it in Korea with me! SURPRISE! You have no IDEA how hard it's been for me to keep this from you.

Your mum and dad can't unfortunately get the time off work, but they've made us promise we'll pick you up from the airport and drop you off again when you go home. But I don't think I'll want to let you go home. I think I'll steal you and hide you somewhere where no one can find you, and then sneak you cakes and biscuits when nobody's looking. Yes. Let's do that!

Anyway, I'll see you in (at the time of writing this) 10 days, 12 hours, 30 minutes and 25 seconds. 24... 23... 22... 21... oh I'm so excited! Your arrival at Incheon can't come quick enough.

All my love,

Chim-Chim!

Xxxx

As soon as you looked up from your letter, your parents screamed at you. They ran over to you and wrapped their arms around you, still screaming at full pitch in your ear as you began to cry happy tears. You were going to finally meet your best friend in the whole world, and it was all down to the people you loved the most.

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insomniac-dot-ink · 6 years

Text

Universe Falling

genre: sci-fi fantasy, wlw

words: 7k

summary: A young scientist starts communicating with the night sky, a love story across the universe

So it looked like I was going crazy. Actually, legitimately crazy.

Not the fun kind of crazy when your great aunt takes off her wig and dips it in the stew at family dinner in order to make your uncle shut up about his problem with bell-bottom jeans. Not evil crazy like your math teacher making everyone re-do their multiplication tables eighty times in a row after one kid swore.

It was crazy crazy.

My name is Francine Wesley.

And this is how I started talking to the night sky.

————————————–

When I was twelve years old I had a transfer student ask me if I was a pirate. I’m not sure if she meant it in a bad way or not, she hadn’t learned the pecking order yet- which was me and then everyone else up ahead. She asked me if the bandage over my left eye meant I was going to get a parrot and sail the seven seas.

I wish.

It was the year of the second surgery on my left eye, trying to correct it before the smudges at the edge of my vision started to devour everything else. My glasses were -25 and took up 55% of my small face at that age.

I was 12 and playing pirates and princesses with people who didn’t know why I couldn’t catch the ball when they threw it at me.

My father bought me my first official telescope that year, the year my grandpa passed away and left me all of his star charts and a broken down radio. I fixed the radio, I built the ladder up the tallest tree in my yard.

I traced the charts he left with my fingers, taking out a magnifying glass and looking and looking.

————–

They say math is the handwriting of God, that it breaks the world down into patterns and sense and definable movements.

I wasn’t sure about that, it felt more like God’s bad treasure map, one he put a lot of effort into making particularly unreadable sometimes. My mom was a math teacher, so it both helped and didn’t help at all. I hated most my other math teachers, they taught it wrong, I wasn’t fond of imaginary numbers, I never liked pi more than the average person, infinities were a headache. That didn’t stop me from beating all the boys at pop quizzes by the time I was in algebra one.

It was easier for me I think, smoother, faster, they said I was the quickest girl this side of the Cherry Creek. I didn’t know how to respond.

I didn’t like math, but I did like being told I was good at something, I did like what I could do with it, numbers and movements and the whole universe laid out. It got easier every time I did it.

That was the year that Cindy Claire took me to her birthday party, lifting me from the depths of social rejection, she said I was too pretty for the boys to be that mean. She wove flowers into my hair and asked if I liked anyone. I told her I didn’t know and we watched a movie with the captions on right in front of the screen.

That was the nicest thing anyone had done for me and Ratatouille is a beautiful movie when you’re barely looking.

She had a button nose and a splattering of freckles that curled and crawled around her body like paint flecks. I wanted to lick it up and watch her eyes light up, green as green fields and as wild as the western sky.

I entered a math tournament, she came and got asked out by every boy there, she laughed and said she already came with someone. I might have burst from joy if everything else inside me didn’t ache.

She grabbed my hand and said we were best friends and by that time next year she was dating the man she was going to marry and I was staring at the constellations in the sky like they were freckles. It’s easy to be in love with the sky and it’s easy to feel like breaking.

My dad was teaching me how to read his books under bright lights and a giant magnifying glass, my family always said I was like him- for better and worse.

———————-

I was seventeen when I had my license taken away, I only had it for one year but my mom told me she wouldn’t risk it. Not with a -30 prescriptions.

I was my father’s daughter and she wouldn’t see me driving myself off the side of the road when a blizzard rolled in. I lived in Northern Massachusetts, it snowed a lot that year.

I went to prom with Billy Eccleston, he didn’t know my middle name and I didn’t know his, but we sat in the back of his van and made out until my mouth went numb. I told myself this was probably how it was supposed to feel.

He tried to push my dress down and I wrinkled my nose and told him I was waiting for the right moment (and this wasn’t it), he rolled his eyes and reached for my glasses next, I bat his hand away. Now I was waiting for marriage.

He snorts and asked if I was still ‘actually getting out of this town soon?’ I nodded because this is why I accepted his prom invitation in the first place. We both wanted out- we could almost relate.

We both sigh at nothing and he kisses me again as I look over his left shoulder and watch the lights dance behind the cityscape.

I applied to 8 colleges and go into 6, my mom cried and my dad patted my head and I asked if I needed anything else- anything at all. He told me to get a dorm on the first floor and that he’d be there every weekend.

I cry, just a little bit.

———————————-

Everyone thinks it’s black, black like a setting sun or black like an airtight empty room. That it’s the night, the moment when you close your eyes and every color in the world is snuffed out.

A dark curtain, the thickest shadow over the world. But it’s not. It’s white.

Bright terrible light that floods and fleets into my vision, wavering colors and streaks of pure white, distracting as it is nonsense. I grit my teeth, it’s my sophomore year of college and I am squinting at the board and screeching in my head.

I was in the front row of the lecture and the professor was writing formulas on the board like his hand was on fire. I had a growing headache in my frontal lobe, I tell myself as I narrow my eyes at the board that I just needed to go to sleep, that it would be better in the morning.

My lip trembles and I take out my phone to get a close up of the board with my camera, trying to write and zoom at the same time.

“Any questions?” The professor asks as he turns around sternly, “this last one will be on the test.”

I flinch, was it too much to ask the world to iron itself out into a flat surface instead of a series of smudges and blurs? I see the professor turn in my direction and my stomach drops as I try to fix my expression.

Professor Chadwick was the ‘hardest bitch’ in the department as they called him and I couldn’t keep asking to come closer to the board in the middle of class. Soon I would just be licking the ink off of it to figure out what he had just written.

‘WRITE BIGGER’ is always on the tip of my tongue, but I just take another picture and wait.

“Got that?” He lets out a slew of theory before pointing at the clock as class comes to a close.

I’m almost up and out of my chair faster than a snap, I hurry to the board and finish taking pictures.

“Miss Wesley,” I jump at his voice. I barely turn my head as the five foot eleven man comes up to me, portly and round with a heavy dent in his forehead. He pats me on the back, “I saw your last test.”

I gulp and my lips pinch together, “uh, is this about Mrs. Dubois contacting you? Because I promise it won’t be distracting, I’ll just keep it on my desk.”

“I don’t care if you need five enhancers miss Wesley, that was some damn fine math.”

I raise my eyebrows, “thank you. I… studied?”

He chuckles, “you’re quick.” He pats my shoulder again, “and Mrs. Gregor says she likes the way you think. How would you like to intern for the department this summer?”

I blink only a couple times, “really?”

He nods with a sniff, “I see bright things in your future.”

My mouth was a little open and resist making the joke that I would be seeing a lot of bright things in my future too. I just nod instead, “thank you! Yes, I’d love to.”

That is the year I start working for Professor Chadwick and the university, it’s also the year that the government declares me legally blind.

—————————–

I had seven coworkers, two interns, and one sandwich place next to the observatory.

I was turning 28 in March and I hadn’t had a boyfriend since the last disaster of 2021. I was with sitting my back to the computers and a sandwich in my hand dripping mustard onto my lap.

The radio was on, playing ‘Winds of Fire’ as loud as it possibly could as I hear Sai Bhatia tapping her foot like she wanted to start a miniature cockroach band on the floor with it.

I moan loudly into my sandwich to let her know that it was both alright to take a break and hopefully expected. I had a feeling she resented me, but I also had a feeling that my next door neighbor was trying to summon ghosts in my driveway, so I wasn’t always a great judge of circumstance.

I was 27 and that still felt like it meant something.

“Woah,” both me and Sai pause as we hear a voice gasp from the other room. “Woah!” I sit up straight, “Dr. Wesley,” he says shrilly, “oh man, Dr. Bhatia!”

My skin was prickly as I stand up straight, “Rory, my boy, use your words.”

I hear some stumbling and chair screeching from the other room, “come look at this!”

I navigate my way into the next lab room, Rory, our grad student intern was standing next to the ROSTA computer and gesturing. I squint my eyes down and look both ways.

“Can you read it to me?”

“Yes, but you’re going to have to take a seat for this.”

I shake my head, “let’s get to the reading first, then we can see if any chairs need to be involved.”

“Let me see,” Dr. Bhatia clicks her heels over in a few strides, “did you locate the nearest asteroid cluster wavelengths?”

“No, but this electromagnetic field is enormous, and… weird? Really read. Listen to this,” he starts reading off the numbers and I perk up.

I only start leaning forward and my thoughts start racing, “This is saying it’s only a couple light years away, how the hell is that so close?” I turn to him, “Have we ever seen this before?”

He makes a couple non-committed gestures and points, “I’ve recorded it, we have to send this immediately.”

I nod quickly, “I’m going to scan some journals to see if this has ever been recorded before, how fast is it moving?”

“Dunno,” he shrugs, “but the camera picked up on some objects in it too.”

“Comets?” Dr. Bhatia was glancing over the numbers too.

“Dunno.”

I ruffle Rory’s bright red head, “hang in there kid.”

“Promise I’ll keep looking!”

I laugh and crack my knuckles, “let’s get to work.”

That was the first night, and it was a very long one at that.

—————–

Rory left around 3am, he said he needed to get back to his girlfriend, but even I could tell there were bags weighing his eyes down and a slump to his shoulders. And that was saying something.

Dr. Bhatia left just before dawn, not because she wanted to but because she hated the only donut place that delivered to our facility and someone had to eat a proper meal she said.

I was waiting expectantly for my Krispy Kremes when it hit six in the morning on a chilly fall day. I heard it first.

A radio buzz, bursting and calling as if this was a 1950s spy movie and the Russians were trying to jam our equipment, my eyebrows spike. I go to turn on the audio function to read the recent findings and digital images.

I pause when I start hearing the same repeating numbers: 01101000 01100101 01101100 01101100

I furrow my brow, “what the hell?”

I bend down and try to squint at one of the digital pictures from our probe, I make a face. It was a very pink, a very large and pink blur.

Our mother university had called and told us to keep on an eye on the phenomena, it might be just a series of comets with some odd readings, but I was staring at something entirely different now. I couldn’t quite make sense of it, or make it out. But it was pink and bright.

01101000 01100101 01101100 01101100

I shouldn’t be getting numbers in this way.

“Okay computer,” I say stiffly, “but why?”

I sit down to start looking for the main patterns in the data as the numbers keep repeating and repeating.

—————————

I was going crazy, legitimately crazy.

There was only one pattern in the repeating readings of the magnetic field that made any sense, it was binary, of course it was binary. And it didn’t make any sense, why would our computer translate coordinates into binary?

Why would it read it out over and over? Our stuff was either breaking OR, unfortunately, the sky was somehow writing ‘hello’ to me.

Which was either first alien contact or a very sad local news article: bravely differently-abled scientist makes her way to the nut house.

Sky’s. Didn’t. Say. Hello.

Especially comets, what even lived in comets? There was a lot about the universe we didn’t know and the sudden small chance this was it sent a giddiness through my veins like no other.

It was new. It was never seen before. I don’t go home that night.

————–

I wake up on my desk the next morning in a puddle of my own drool and in front of a whole slew of numbers and a binary-language program open on my computer. Alongside a whole box of Krispy Kremes as the site of a tragic graveyard massacre of crumbs.

“What are these?” I hear a new voice enter and I wipe at the crust in my eyes.

“We’re being visited by aliens, haven’t you heard?” I yawn, “they’re very pink.”

“No, I mean, really, what am I looking at?” Dr. Chadwick had returned to the facility.

I crack my neck and stand up, “hell if I know.”

“Haha.”

“Just a little joke for your morning doctor.”

He sniffs loudly, “please come in here.”

I find my glasses and lurch my way to the room that I had just spent the last eleven hours in. I clear my throat, “Did you see the readings? It’s like the computer is possessed or something.”

“And by that you mean possessed by an angry ghost that erases our equipment?”

My eyebrows shoot up, “what?”

“Tell me what you see? And no, that isn’t a joke invitation.”

I lower my face into the paper and see nothing but an empty blackness. It was empty, a nothing, a black picture.

My head falls down, “what.. What?”

I was going crazy.

——————————-

I try not to be at the office the next day. Or the next.

I take some time off to scroll through my tinder notifications and visit the nearest pool to just sort of stick my feet in and sit in the sauna room until I melt. It was funny I left my small town in Massachusetts just enter another smaller town in Maine.

Who even went to Maine?

Scientists and bad decisions.

All of the data from the night before had been scrambled, we had still sent off the original points of magnetic radiation, but we were told it was just a phenomenon. An off reading.

I still had a couple handwritten notes, sloppy, large, and with one word in the middle: HELLO.

Fuck, hello. I tried that one on a few of my tinder matches and it didn’t quite feel the same after hearing it from the sky. Aliens existed and so did English binary in space apparently.

Or ghosts that knew computer binary and possessed equipment. Stars that could speak. The end of the world? And I was that one scientist who had to warn everyone about the danger and yet no one would believe me.

The film tagline: The Blind Girl Saw it All! But No one Could believe their eyes. The stars were speaking now, and they were pissed. Disaster movie 2028.

I lie on my belly in the sun and listen to an audio book about magic and intrigue. It was my second time trying to finish the Wheel of Time series and I was halfway asleep in the grass.

Something buzzes inside me: I should send something back, I blink a couple times. I should definitely try and send something.

Said every normal person right before they are eaten by space monsters.

I roll over and crawl over to my porch, it was time to break out my old CB radio that my grandfather left me. I take my time arranging the frequency and sitting on my roof that night, thinking, writing.

I tap out one clear, dotted message: hello.

I knew it wouldn’t carry very far, but somehow that wasn’t the point for me. I wait.

————————

It was the next day when I hear Dr. Bhatia in the next room. “I’m leaving.” She says loudly, “I’m not doing this again.”

I lift my eyebrows and turn around toward the computer room. “More weird numbers?”

Her heels click as she walks in, “it’s getting closer. I emailed the data points away quickly this time, but the second time I looked they all came up blank.”

I wrinkle my nose, “we’re being haunted.”

She sniffs, “And I’m not going to be the first brown person eaten in the movie.”

I laugh, “it’s okay. I’ll be the blind girl that tragically stumbles into the queens nest first and gets fed to her young.”

Dr. Bhatia snickers to herself, “yeah. And then Rory saves the day, it’s a blockbuster.”

We laugh together and I’m hoping the passive aggressive PhD comparisons fades. Even if I did get magna cum laude a year ahead of her- just for the record.

She pats me on the back, “go home too.”

“No way,” I stand up and crack my back, “finding new and unusual things is why I’m in the field. I’m like Velma from scooby doo, but sexier.”

“Sure,” she leans over my chair and points at my glasses, “an appropriate comparison.”

I grin, “extra hours never hurt.” I sing and I can make out her shaking head.

“I’m calling maintenance tomorrow to check for pigeons in the observatory dish again.”

I laugh, “I love talking to pigeons you know.”

She pats me on the back and the only thing left to do was hurry over to the next room, I turn on the audio readings and take out a pen. I jot down the numbers faster than the computer can speak.

It reverted once again from its usual numeral coordinates back into ones and zeroes. It was happening again.

But it was different.

Night number two: ‘can you hear me? Can you hear me? Can you hear me?’

I use the lab radio this time: yes, yes, yes. Yes.

The hard drive is all blank in the morning. Everything from the emails to outdoor cameras in the parking lot were left blank.

Maintenance was sent in twice, Rory jokes that the FBI was coming next with Scully and Mulder.

I tell him he’s Mulder already and that apparently makes his week and he makes coffee for me first for the rest of the night. But my skin is crawling, I wait for them to leave again.

Our equipment was breaking or I was talking to something, I consider bringing in more experts, new pairs of eyes to watch me contact it. But I have feeling it wouldn’t speak then, and I have a deeper fear that I didn’t want anyone else to see it anyway.

I wait until 3am, tapping, looking, waiting, the computer starts reading binary again, I translate quickly through my other computer.

‘I’ve seen you before, I’ve seen you before, I’ve seen you before.’

The hairs on the back of my neck stand up. So this is the part of the movie where the alien comes down and uses me as it’s first meat puppet.

But it was also the part of the movie where every part of my being lights up.

‘Where? Why are you deleting our files? What are you doing? Who are you?’ I had prepared all of these binary questions the day before.

I only get back one word: ‘again. Again. Again.’

I hold my breath and write down as much as I can with pen and paper. The equipment is blank as a newborn baby the next day but I have the one word: again.

——————————-

November 10th 2028: the messages start. And it’s not possible, it should not be quick or easy or fast.

I knew something was wrong. But the binary in the sky comes back just as I type out a new message on the lab radio.

‘It’s been so long.’

‘How long?’ I ask, ‘Where are you?’

‘Too long.’

‘What do you see?’

‘You. It’s been so long.’

‘That’s kind of freaking me out.’ I finally tell whatever it is the truth.

‘Haha.’ I get back some sort of strange binary laugh. ‘I don’t mean to. You’re so small this time.’

‘Now you are really freaking me out. Why are you deleting the data?’

‘Goodnight my love.’

I don’t sleep that night or the next day or wonder why ‘my love’ was written in my notes as if my fingers were going through an earthquake. Of course, I could finally add: ‘at least the sky loves me’ on my next dating profile.

——————

November 11th 2028:

I ask first this time.

‘Do you have a name?’

‘Of course.’

‘Can you tell me?’

‘You may call me Heaven’

I sit up in my chair and my mouth hangs up, “Oh fuck,” I swear up and down and suddenly stop being an atheist for a second.

‘Heaven?’

‘Haha.’ I get back the same metallic laugh.

‘Heaven?’ I send again.

‘No.’

‘You made a joke.’

‘You are very funny when you are surprised.’

‘Can you see me?’ I write first.

‘Can you see me?’ Is the return.

I send a very short message, ‘let’s just say ‘no.’

‘You may call me ‘Texca’ until we meet again.” I translate the name over and over again until it looks like I got it right.

‘Texca?’ I send out quickly, some part of me knows it shouldn’t be this quick. It was light years away.

‘Yes. What is yours?’

‘What do you mean by ‘until we meet again?’ It was a long message to get out, it was almost five in the morning now.

‘That is a very long name.’

‘Haha. My name is Francine.’ I tell her quickly and the response is immediate.

‘Francine, Francine, Francine.’

‘Please,’ I type, hoping that weird ghost/deities/aliens knew begging. ‘What do you mean?’

‘Francine.’ Is written back, ‘goodnight my love.’

I lie on the floor and trace lines in the ceiling. I was surely losing it, but they would have to come shut me down before I stop.

——————-

November 12th 2028.

‘Francine.’ She (I now call it she) messages first.

‘Good morning!’

‘It really is.’

‘Is it morning where you are?’ I try to decipher where she is.

‘It’s always morning when I see you.’

‘Oh.’ My hands hover over the ‘dot dot’ button. ‘Are you making more jokes?’

‘No.’ Texca writes.

‘Can you really see me?’ I write again.

‘Yes,’ it says, ‘yes, yes, yes.’

‘How?’

‘You are very much a scientist.’

‘You know what a scientist is?’

‘I know what you are.’

‘Where are you?’

‘Up above.’

‘Okay?’

‘You’re confused.’

‘Yes!’

‘Haha,’ it said again and I sigh heavily, ‘give it time my love.’

‘I am frowning. Do you know what a frown is?’

It took a good ten minutes for me to translate the next couple messages, I groan when I find the right combination.

‘:)’

‘An alien with a sense of humor,’ I write back and stretch out as I savor my time in the ethers of nonsense. Of the impossible.

‘A human with one too.’

‘How are you doing this?’

‘Keep looking.’

‘Where?’ I sit up completely, ‘where?’

‘Goodnight my love.’

I put my head in my hands, hunch over and then groan so loudly I think it echoes off the lab walls.

I’m looking for something in a forest of weeds it feels like, no up, no down, just roots and questions.

———————

“So,” Sai Bhakti was sitting with her back up straight a pastry in her hand, “I hear you’ve been keeping long nights.”

I put my elbows on the table and lean forward, “can’t we talk about Game of the Thrones or something? We’re out of work for once.”

She cracks a smile, “I just hear you’re talking to ghosts.”

I sniff, “The ghost of the second monitor? I guess so.”

She pushes a pastry over to me, “God. We really did need to be kicked out of that office. Thank God for maintenance days.”

I bat a pastry back and forth in my hands, “do you think there’s a chance… I dunno, it’s not broken?”

She makes a face at me, “how? It’s erasing data points.”

“Well,” I frown, “there’s a lot in this universe we don’t understand.”

She leans forward, “like ghosts.”

“And aliens.”

“And bigfoot.”

I snort, “bigfoot is definitely involved.”

“You know,” she tucks a piece of long dark hair behind her ear, “you’re right. We don’t have to talk about work.”

We both stare at each other for a second and she leans back, I clear my throat, “how’s your husband?”

She shrugs, “the usual burden.” I raise my eyebrows and open my mouth, she puts her hand up, “lovable burden.”

I listen to her describe the problems of laundry day and having to share a bathroom with a man who cuts his toenails on the counter. But he made her dinner every night even on the nights she didn’t come home, so she assures me it’s working.

I nod, she starts eyeing me, “and you?” She narrows her eyes, “you’ve been more… chipper.”

“I’m always chipper,” I defend, “like a cheap socialite at an invite-only event.”

She smiles, “how’s the love life doctor?”

I stick my tongue out, “I can be chipper without another person involved.” It surely wasn’t a person anyway.

She studies me, “eat your pastry then.”

I take a bite and sigh into the sky, “okay. I mean. Something is… going on.”

“Something?”

“Something. But not like, dating something. Just something.”

“Ooh,” her features get sharp, “one that rhymes with one night hand?”

I couch on my own spit, “oh my God.”

“I’m not that young Fran.”

I crack a smile, “I mean. There have been a couple long nights,” I say mysteriously, “but nothing happens. And I think… I mean, I don’t know much about her.” Like if she had a body or ate or walked or breathed air.

I take a deep breath, “But she seems to like me? A lot?”

Sai hums loudly and sits up, “and how do you feel?”

I pause for the moment and stare up at nothing, “good?” I say slowly, “confused.”

“Ah, does she like you more than you like her?” She taps her chin again.

I tilt my head to the side, “I don’t know her.”

She shrugs, “then give it a chance.”

I smile down at my hands, “I’m not sure you’d say that if you knew her.”

Sai laughs softly, “is she odd?”

“The oddest.”

“Good,” Sai slaps her hands on the table, “you’ll match.”

I blow a stray piece of hair away from my face, “local pirate falls in love with the sky.”

She gives me a strange look, “come again?”

“Nothing.”

I wait for maintenance to check our equipment and I hope nothing changes.

————

November 15th 2028

‘How are you Texca?’ It’s the first night I have alone again.

The response is immediate, ‘where have you been?’

‘I thought you could see me?’

‘I was so worried.’

‘I’m here now. They were checking our observatory. You’ve caused quite a stir.’

‘I’m close.’

I sit up completely straight in my seat, ‘oh?’

‘I’m so close my love.’

‘Where? Where are you?’

‘Above,’ it says again and again, ‘I have something to tell you.’

‘Please,’ I say quickly, ‘yes, I am listening.’

‘I know you don’t remember.’

‘Remember what?’

‘But I am Texca,’ there is a long pause between those words, a buzz that comes across the speaker as the computer seems to almost fritz. ‘I have always loved you.’

My mouth is hanging open and I feel like the world will become completely white and empty after that second. ‘Why?’

‘Always,’ ‘always, ‘always.’

A screech comes over the speakers, the two programs working together to translate the binary into words starts showing numbers, symbols, nonsense, gibberish.

‘Always, always.’ It forms a simple elegant formation. And one last word, in English, no filter. ‘SOON.’

I hold my breath and wonder if this is when I walk into the alien queen’s lair and get eaten. I knew then that I would go willingly.

“Soon,” I whisper the word to myself like an electric thrill, something was happening, something I could never explain.

I fall asleep sitting against the cool wall of the observatory and try to make sense of things I see in the telescope, blurry shapes. Something pink.

———————

I wake up the next morning and the computer was smoking, Rory was dancing from foot to foot and trying to explain it to Dr. Chadwick.

“I didn’t do it!” He says shrilly, “I promise, I promise professor, please don’t fail me.”

Bob just sighs, “someone get maintenance in here again. And figure out what these damn numbers mean.”

“Wait,” I limp back up and feel the bruises on my body from spending the night against the wall.

Bob turns around, “and if it isn’t our favorite Cinderella. You do own a bed, don’t you? God knows I pay you enough.”

I shake my head, “wait.”

“Dr. Wesley didn’t do it either!” Rory defends quickly, “in fact, I did do it.”

“That’s very kind kid,” I make my way over and fumble for the audio button, “let me hear the numbers.”

“64.2008, 149.4937.”

I wipe at my face and stand up straight, I knew it in my gut. “Oh.” I blink, “someone get a map.”

“You think the numbers are for here?” The doctor asks and I nod.

“How do you know?”

I turn around, “I have to go.”

“Doctor?” Bob Chadwick turns to me, “are you alright, wait, Fran.”

I wave listlessly, “I’m taking a few days off.”

I don’t stop as they call after me, I knew it then. There was no going back.

I leave them a long note and all my coupons for the local restaurants.

————————–

The plane ride was $200 for one way since I was buying at last minute, I choose first class because why the hell not. I was treating myself as I chased strangers that were either playing the longest game prank ever. Or something else.

I was going to Nome Alaska on a Tuesday night.

The trip over is a dreamless hush of sleep that leaves me feeling empty and anxious in every crevice of my body. I was chasing something that erased data points and communicated in binary and had been watching me.

Which might say more about my mental state of being rather than things in the actual realms of possibility. But I had to go, I had to find out.

I get off at Anchorage in a wobbly daydream of consciousness and board a second tiny plane.

I sit between an old man with his cat under the seat and a teenager who talked on the phone with his mom before we took off. He was visiting his dad and she was worried about the spider bite he got last time he was there.

I almost start crying after we take off, I don’t know why.

We arrive at seven in the morning, the old man shakes me gently awake as we land and there are tear stains dripping down my cheeks again, I wipe my face and don’t say anything as I enter Nome Alaska.

It was another world if I had ever seen one, small colorful houses and empty streets. It was the middle of the winter so no one was out of their houses and very few visitors made it this far out.

I was lucky it was warmer than usual, but it still numbed my cheeks and shook my teeth to their roots as I stepped outside. I hurry to get inside the airport and pick up my simple bag- a large radio inside.

I took a long look out the airport window before tugging a hat further down on my ears and finding the nearest tourism desk.

A smiling yet surprised looking woman greets me, “Welcome to Nome Alaska! What can I do for you?”

I lift my chin up, “just a little help.”

“Will you be needing lodging miss?”

I just nod before taking a deep breath, “Yeah. Also, I have a question.”

She leans over the desk, “go right ahead.”

“Where is the best place to the see the sky around here?”

———————————–

I booked a room at a motel named ‘Linda’s’ met Linda and took a very long walk until my toes went number, which wasn’t very hard at all. I was living in Maine so I wasn’t not used to the cold.

But Nome Alaska was a different type of cold altogether. It wanted to eat you alive and leave the bones to freeze.

I kept walking.

The tour guide gave me some helpful tips: there’s a lot of great places with natural beauty around Nome! The snow and trees and little squat rural houses.

And snow.

I didn’t mind the snow and there were more stars here in this tiny chunk of the world than in all of Massachusetts combined. Nome had a glittering sky that went on in all directions, it was mostly all a big blur to me, but a beautiful one nonetheless.

I use my camera and magnify and magnify, following the path as far as it will go.

I follow it until I find a low hill with a view of the city just behind me, I sit down. I wait.

———————

November 20th.

Nothing on the radio, I call Dr. Bhatia, she says the equipment has returned to normal, though they had to throw out monitor two.

A woman at the local dinner refills my coffee five times and someone buys me a piece of cherry pie.

I pet someone’s Husky malamute in the street and wait.

———————

November 21st.

The sky is so big sometimes I’m afraid it’ll swallow me whole when I look up into it. I start shaking at night, the tear stains pepper down my cheek each morning I wake up.

There is silence at the other end of my radio and I wait. Perhaps there was a lead leak into my local water back in Maine. I dream of mad kings and beautiful pink princesses that never wake up from their enchanted slumber.

————————–

November 22nd.

Someone takes me out snowshoeing and the first winter storm rolls in that night, I don’t see any sky for days.

Linda’s says she’s going to stoke a fire in the common room if I want some strong whiskey and a game of poker. I lose thirty-two bucks that night and any sense of purpose.

“What are you doing here miss?” The man at the poker table asks twice.

I just shrug twice, “I dunno.”

They hum at that and then I lose thirty-three bucks that night.

——————–

November 25th.

The storm clears up and I don’t know how to tell the local residents that I am both Jewish and not here for Christmas. They are having a small parade in the city center nonetheless and every other person I meet tells me to come. I watch a tiny girl bundled up to her neck sing a Christmas carol as high pitched as a silver bell.

I clap, and I wait.

The sky is so large I’m afraid if I don’t hold onto something then it will suck me up into the vast cold above, sometimes I try to let go though and let it happen.

I’m afraid I really have lost my mind.

———————

December 2nd.

“They’ll be an aurora tonight,” Linda tells me that morning and I perk up, just a little bit.

“Oh,” I blink a little bit, “really?”

“I feel it. Yeah, will you still be around for that young lady?”

I hum, “I’ll try. I’ve booked a flight home on Thursday.”

She gives an old wizened smile, “shame. My son really liked your singing voice.”

I wipe my face and adjust my thick glasses, “that’s why I don’t drink whiskey anymore.”

“It’s always nice to have more people out this way!” She wipes the counter down and watches me, “for whatever reason they arrive for.”

I shrug listlessly and give an almost-smile, “early mid-life crisis.”

She chuckles, “hope it was a good one!”

I laugh, “it was.”

I wander around the city all day and hug the first loose dog I see, “do you know where you’re going sir?” I ask the dog as I pet his ears and he laps up my face.

Neither of us has much of an answer.

—————–

December 3rd.

I hear it before I see it. A buzz, a whistle, something like a whisper and a clanking sound all at once. “Told you, stranger!”

A crowd is pointing and picking up cameras, it’s night and I had missed my flight home, I start walking in the opposite direction of the crowd.

The buzzing and chiming increases like a soft caress eating away at me. I look up.

“Texca?” I call out into nothing as I hear it, the something. “Texca.”

There is something pink on the horizon, I start running, my eyes are prickling. I see the same hill I had found the first night I had arrived here.

I stumble and hobble through the snow, climbing and clawing my way to the top as I keep the colors of the night just in front of me. I can see their smears of greens and blues kissing the earth.

I squint and call, my voice rising in the wind. “Are you here!?” I raise my arms up, “were you real…?”

Maybe I already knew the answer. The greens shift to blue and yellow before my eyes, and pink, pink like flowers, pink like cats noses, pink like the universe.

I gasp and see something morph and shape above me, large enough so even I could make it out, large enough to steal my breath away. The night sky was alive with one word: my love.

The tears start freezing on my cheeks as they won’t stop flowing, “it’s been so long.”

I reach my shaking, hungry fingers up and grasp at the light. I see it, a figure, a being, something I couldn’t describe. Maybe we all were made of souls and stardust and perhaps soulmates exist in feral untamed universes.

Even if they must cross the galaxy to meet again.

My fingertips grace over something warm and I am overcome with something morphing out of the nothing. “My love,” a whisper, like a wish and a prayer and the rev of a car engine. “You came.”

I am enveloped in warmth and something drips down my body like melting candle wax, I close my arms and wrap my arms around the light.

“Hello, my love.”

And the sky devours me whole.

------------------------

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cuddlysmii7y · 6 years

Text

Just Visting

Merry Christmas and happy holidays, everyone! Since I couldn’t buy you all Christmas presents, I thought the least I could do was to write you guys the longest fic that I’ve ever have written before. I did actually start this fic back in August/September, but only just got around to finishing it, so some of the references might be a tad old, but I hope you enjoy!

“Wait so you’re all flying through O'Hare Airport?” Ryan asked.

“Or at least most of us, why?” Tyler asked, not seeing a connection.

“I live literally 20 minutes away from the airport. We can have dinner at my place and stay for the weekend or something together.” Ryan suggested. “Oh damn, really? I’m down.” Craig smiled.

“Fuck yeah I wanna be one of the first people to see the,” Anthony paused for dramatic affect. “Masked Gamer, otherwise known as Teen Choice Award’s Choice Gamer, the Ohmwrecker.”

Everyone laughed.

“Wait, have I not shown you guys my face yet?” Ryan asked.

“You’ve shown other’s?! I’m offended.” Smii7y gasped.

“Only people like Delirious or Toonz.” Ryan chuckled. “I can pull up my webcam now if you want.”

“Wait no! Let it be a surprise!” Marcel exclaimed.

“Then how will we know what to look for at the airport, dumbass?” Tyler pointed out.

“He can hold up a fucking chauffeur sign or something.” Brian evaded the question.

“What type of car do you think I drive?? I can’t fit all of you in my car!” Ryan laughed.

“Rightttt. Just uh…”

“Just give us your address. Then we can uber there. Problem solved!” Smii7y said, sounding proud of himself.

“Ok Buddy, Craig said they left the airport 25 minutes ago so they’re gonna be here soon.” Ryan said, looking his dog in the eye. “Now remember what we talked about. No jumping on them when they come in, no barking for attention, no whining, no begging at the dinner table, and for the love of God please don’t toss your squeaky toy on the table during dinner again. Sure that time it was when family was over but still, that was bad.“ Buddy just wagged his tail at him. “Just, just please try to be good. I’m not too sure how keen they all are on dogs…” Ryan sighed. Ryan was about to go on when the sound of bells chimed through the house. “Oh shit, they’re here!” Ryan jumped to his feet. “Coming! One minute!” Ryan shouted as he quickly checked the oven. As he walked to the door, he could hear voices coming through from the other side. “Are you sure this is the right address?” “Its what he texted me!” “But look at all of these flowers in the garden! Ohm doesn’t have time to do this shit!” “Hey, it could be a rental house. Most of those do your lawn for you.” “But still!” “Oh shut up, dumbass.“ Ryan chuckled as he unlocked the front door. Craig, Tyler, Smii7y, Anthony, and Brian, all crammed onto Ohm’s porch, standing in front of the bright green door. “How can we even tell its him and not some random guy?” “Just make him laugh or some shit.” Brian shrugged. “Yeah, ya dumbass, what’d you expect? Like a, like a nametag or somethin?” Smii7y laughed. Then the door opened. They all turned their attention to the doorway and were greeted by a fairly shorter, green eyed guy with a dog shoved under his arm. “Hey guys! Glad you could make it!” He smiled, his eyes crinkling up. “Ohm!” Anthony was the first one to pull him in for a hug. “You’re at my house, just call me Ryan.” Ohm beamed as he let them in. “And who’s this?” Tyler asked. “Huh?” “That’s Buddy, ya idiot.” Smii7y intercepted, reaching down to pet Ryan’s dog. “Wait, how do you know that?” Ryan asked. “Instagram. And you talk about him in some of your streams.” Smii7y shrugged. “Anyway, where are we going for dinner? I’m starving.” “Oh dinner’s ready. I just need to take it out of the oven.” “Aw Ohmy, you didn’t have to cook for us too.” Brian said with a slight laugh. “It was no problem. I really like cooking.” Ryan smiled. “You know, I never really pictured you as a suburbs kind of guy.” Anthony critiqued as the sat around the dinner table. “Well stores are close, its got everything I need, nice neighborhood, there’s a dog park a few minutes walk away.” Ryan shrugged. “You know what I’m mad about?” Tyler said suddenly. “Huh?” Smii7y asked. “The fact that Ohm here didn’t tell us he was fucking hot.” Tyler accused, facing Ryan. “What??” Ryan coughed in surprise. “Yeah, man. You look like the guy that the main girl in a tv show has a crush on. Ya know, the naturally tosseled hair, the 5 o'clock scruff, lean muscle…” Smii7y jumped in. “And the adorable dog!” Craig added. “I don’t know what you guys are talking about.” Ryan said, a blush creeping up on his cheeks. “Sometimes its easier just to accept it, Ryan.” Anthony chuckled. “You guys are idiots.” Ryan chuckled as he shook his head into his hands. “Dinner was really good, Ryan.” Anthony smiled. “Yeah it was. Thanks man.” Brain agreed. “Eh it was nothing. So what do you guys wanna do?” Ryan asked as he gathered up the dishes. “I don’t know about any of you, but I’m feeling some beer.” Tyler said. “I’m down to going to a bar or two.” Craig nodded. “You know I love me some beer.” Brian suddenly pipped up. “He’s all Silent Brian until he hears something about drinking beer. Typical.” Tyler joked. “But wait! We can’t do that!” Anthony interrupted. “Why not?” “We’re in America!” “Your point?” “Smii7y can’t even go inside a bar here!” “What are you talking about? Is he allergic to American alcohol or something?” “What? No, you dumbass! He’s not 21 yet!” “The fuck?!” Brian choked. “You guys didn’t know that?! He turned 20 a few months ago! Shit, you all even tweeted him happy birthday!” “Well I didn’t know he was a goddamn child!” “A child??” “He was a teenager at the beginning of the year!” “Oh shit,” Tyler said softly. “I thought he was like, Craig’s age.“ “I did too.” Brian agreed. “Who’s Craig’s age?” Smii7y asked as he walked back in from the bathroom. “Apparently not you.” Brian said bluntly. “Sorry?” Smii7y said, confused. “Damn you really are Canadian, aren’t you?” Brian said. “Oh fuck off.” Smii7y laughed, shoving him. “How bout someone go get a console from my office and hook it up to the flat screen while I go get a couple packs of beer from down the street?” Ryan suggested. “I’ll go with you.” Brian offered. “Sounds good to me.” Smii7y said. “No beer for you though, Smit.” “What?? Aw come on, Ryan.” Smii7y sat back in his seat. “Nuh uh. You’re not drinking in my house, kid. Sorry.” “Are you sure you’re not a suburban dad?” Craig laughed. “Hey!” Only 15 minutes had passed before Ryan and Brian came back with a stack of beer and a pack of Coke Cola for Smii7y. “Thanks, dad.” Smii7y joked as he took a bottle. “Hey now, I’m not wearing button downs and plaid shorts yet.” Ryan grinned. “Yet.” Brian and Craig said in unison. “Oh fuck off.” Ryan laughed. “I’m gonna go get some ice real quick.” Ryan went through the kitchen to get a small cooler of ice for the beer when he noticed his sink was empty and wet dishes lined his counter. “What the…” Ryan stared at the disarray before moving to put everthing away. Walking back into the living room, he noticed damp patches on a couple of the others’ shirts. “So… did all of my dishes get up and take a swim while I was out or?” Ryan interrupted. “Oh uh sorry. We didn’t know where you kept everything.” Anthony said. “Or where you keep your dish towels. So one of your bath towels may be missing too.” Smii7y added. “You know you guys didn’t have to do all of that. I was gonna do it tonight.” Ryan smiled gratefully. “Nah man, you invited us over, made us dinner. It was the least we could do.” Smii7y patted him on the back. Ryan shook his head and sighed. “So, what’re we playing?” Ryan plopped down on the couch between Craig and Anthony. “Does he like cuddles?” Smii7y asked suddenly. “What?” Ryan turned to him. “Buddy. Does he like cuddles?” Ryan had nearly forgotten about his dog. For the most part, Buddy had been pretty quiet, preferring to lay under his owner’s legs instead of in the middle of all the chaos that filled the room. Therefore, everyone didn’t really pay too much attention to the dog. They were moreso focused on the game they were playing. “Yeah, he loves em. Normally he’s super attention needy. Guess its been a bit too loud for him tonight.” Ryan chuckled. As soon as the words left his mouth, the room became more calm. Ryan looked up from his dog to see the reasoning. Everyone’s eyes were on the dog below him. Smii7y got on his knees a bit away from the couch and held out a hand. “Come ere, boy!” Smii7y smiled at Buddy. “Go on, Bud.” Ryan gave his dog an encouraging nudge. Buddy let out a little sigh before waltzing over to Smii7y, his tail wagging high in the air. Smii7y beamed as he scooped the dog in his arms and sat back down. After that, during the rest of the evening, Buddy kept up a steady rotation between sitting in Smii7y’s lap and Craig’s lap, which included him getting pet by everyone in between games. “So I have a full sized guest bed, a couch in my office, the couch in here, and this couch pulls out into a bed.” Ryan said. “Wait, why do you have a couch is your office?” Brian asked. “Its better to fall asleep editing on a bed than it is at your desk.” “No wonder your sleep schedule is so fucked! You edit til you pass out!” Smii7y said. “Nah I normally don’t. Its just more comfortable spending hours a day in a bed rather than hunched over at my desk.” Ryan explained. “Makes sense.” Tyler nodded. “Since no one is calling it yet, dibs on the guest bed!” Anthony said. “Ah the single couch is mine!” Smii7y said quickly. “Other couch!” Brian gestured towards the hall. “Hey, that’s the one I called!” “Nope! You didn’t specify.” Brian grinned. Smii7y crossed his arms, grumbling to himself. “I don’t wanna sleep with him!” Tyler and Craig shouted in unison, pointing at each other. Ryan chuckled. “One of you can take my bed if you want, but be warned you’ll still be sharing, but with Buddy instead.” “What? No, we’re not taking your bed, Ryan.” Tyler replied instantly. “Yeah, Ohm. Stop being so nice.” Craig grinned. Ryan laughed. “Ok so its all settled?” “Wait! Blankets!” Smii7y said. “I thought you were Canadian! You should be use to the cold.“ Brian snickered. “And I thought you were Irish. Oh wait, you are being a bastard.” Smii7y spat back without missing a beat. “Hey!” Brian playfully shoved him. Smii7y yelped when the force made him slip off the arm of the couch. “Ah sorry. Didn’t mean to actually shove you off there.” Brian apologized, holding out a hand to help him up. “Ha, suree ya didn’t.” Smii7y said before yanking Brian down with him. “You’re a little bitch, you know that?” “I’ve been told so by a few.” Smii7y grinned. “You mean me, you little bitch.” Tyler laughed. Smii7y kicked Tyler’s shin. “Ack, fuck! Why you little-” “Hey! Hey hey, now. Let’s settle down, now.” Ryan said nervously. “But-!” The three, Smii7y, Brian, and Tyler, all started in unison. Buddy cut them off with a sharp bark. “Oh fuck!” Brian jumped. “I forgot about him.” “Well that’s not a very nice thing to admit. He’s a good dog.” Anthony patted Buddy’s head. “V good doggo.” Craig grinned. “Fuck off, you meme fucker.” Tyler laughed. “Make me, bitch boi.” “Ooo get em!” Smii7y laughed. “Guys please don’t start again.” Ryan groaned. “Buddy?” Ryan called in a hushed tone as he glanced around his bed. Ryan peeked at his clock, seeing it display a red “8:30 am”. Ryan groaned as he got out of bed. “Where the fuck could he be?” Ryan mumbled as he checked the master bedroom again. “Maybe one of the guys let him out last night…” Ryan pondered. “Its worth a shot I guess.” Ryan walked into his living room, heading towards his back patio door. As he passed the couch, he froze in his steps. Slowly he turned around to face the couch, looking Buddy in the eyes. Buddy was currently snuggled under a blanket in the middle of the seat. But that’s not what surprised Ryan. What surprised Ryan was the fact he was tucked underneath Tyler’s arm, pressed against his chest as one of Craig’s hands was resting inbetween the dog’s ears. Ryan shook his head in disbelief. Buddy laid his head back down on Tyler’s pillow as Ryan headed towards the kitchen to start breakfast. “Hey, Ry.” A groggy voice said. Ryan glanced behind his shoulder to see who it was. He almost burst out in laughter when he saw how out of wack Smii7y’s bedhead was. “What?” Smii7y cocked his head in sleepy confusion. “You might want to find a comb sometime soon, bud.” Ryan grinned. “Eh I’ll do it later,” Smii7y waved off. “But first, coffee.” “The machine is in the cabinet next to the fridge.” “How do you expect me to get up thEre?!” Smii7y’s voice cracked as he eyed the cabinet hanging above the countertop. “You’ll figure a way~” “Prick.” Smii7y grumbled tiredly as he looked around for a way up. Ryan just laughed as he flipped a batch of pancakes. “What is Smii7y doing crawling on the counter?” Anthony asked, walking in a bit more awake than the later. Ryan turned to see Smii7y with a look like a deer in the headlights on his face. “Smii7y!” Ryan laughed. “There’s a step stool 3 feet away from you!” “Oh… whoops.” “So how long have you two been up?” Anthony asked as Smii7y started the coffee. “I’m not sure if Smii7y’s even technically up yet.” Ryan grinned, making Anthony crack up. “He ain’t wrong there.” Smii7y grumbled. “What bout you, Ohmie? You don’t look like you even went to bed.” Anthony joked. “Oh yeah, I had to edit a bit. Got up about 20 minutes ago though.” Ryan shrugged, stifling a yawn. “The fuck? Ryan, go lay down. We’ll finish breakfast.” Smii7y said, already pushing him out of the kitchen. “Woah, little man. I’m not dying!” Ryan laughted. “We went to bed at like 2 am. Then you stayed up for what? Another hour or 2? You need some got damb sleep!” “If anyone needs more sleep, its me.” Brian trudged into the room. “Morning, Brian.” Ryan smiled as he managed around Smii7y’s directing. “Is that bacon I smell?” “Ya know it.” “By the way, did you all see the two love birds cuddling in the living room?” “See them? I had to sleep in the same room as them!” Smii7y exclaimed. “Wait, did they- I liked that couch!” Ryan said, his eyes blown wide. “No no no no, they didn’t.” Smii7y laughed. “They wouldn’t stop arguing! But as soon as they passed out, they were like glued to each other.” Ryan signed in relief. “Wait what were they arguing about?” Anthony asked. “Who got to snuggle Buddy.” The whole room erupted in laughter. “Who won?” Brian asked, wiping the tears from his eyes. “I did, fuckboi.” They all turned to find Tyler joining them in the kitchen. “Where’s Buddy?” Ryan asked, glancing behind Tyler. “Did you have a nice cuddle?” Brian grinned. “Buddy’s curled up with Craig still.” Tyler said, pushing past Brian. “Does someone wanna get Craig up? Breakfast is just about ready.” Ryan said. “CRAIGGG!!! RYAN SAID THAT BREAKFAST IS DONE!!!!” Smii7y yelled. “I didn’t mean yell! I could’ve done that!” Ryan laughed. “No you couldn’t have!” Anthony laughed. “We all know you’re too nice for that shit.” “He ain’t wrong.” Brian said with a nod. “Oh shut up.” A faint blush started to rise on Ryan’s cheeks. “See? He can’t even deny it.” Smii7y giggled. “Make yourself useful and set the table. ” Ryan shoved a stack of plates into Smii7y’s chest. “Alright, dad.” Smii7y said jokingly. “Silverware is the drawer to the left of the sink. Glasses are next to the sink in the right upper cabinet.” Anthony and Tyler got to work setting everything up. Brian moved over to linger around the stove. Ryan glanced at him from the side of his eye, just waiting for him to try to steal a piece of bacon. “If Craig isn’t up soon, I say we eat everything.” Brian said. “Don’t worry I’ll get him up.” Ryan chuckled. “How? That bitch never wakes up when he’s told.” Tyler walked over. Ryan grinned before letting a melodic whistle. Half a second later a loud groan came from the living room, followed by the sounds of scampering paws. “I hope you didn’t jump on his face and break his glasses.” Ryan mumbled as he crouched down to pet Buddy. “That’s a cool little trick you got there.” Smii7y nodded respectfully. “Yeah I thought so too when I was 15.” Ryan chuckled. “You taught him that when you were 15?? You had way more patience at that age than me.” Anthony laughed. “I didn’t really go out much besides school and work, so I had a bit of spare time on my hands.” Ryan shrugged. “Please tell me there’s coffee.” Craig walked into the kitchen, his eyes barely open. “What would we do without it?” Anthony laughed. “Thank god!” Craig plopped down in a chair. Everyone started settling down in their seats as Brian helped Ryan bring over the plates of food. “Do you guys think I need to make more pancakes?” Ryan asked, setting down a plate nearly overflowing with pancakes. “Are you kidding me?? We’re gonna have leftovers at this rate!” Tyler exclaimed. “Okay but the real question is,” Smii7y gathered everyone’s attention. “Does Buddy prefer bacon or sausage?” ~Fin~

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bhawin · 3 years

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10 things you should do before turning 30

10 lessons

1. Pamper yourself - you don't have to be like everybody else , when you compare two human being you might analyse the difference. NO, not in physical appearance but probably in thought process and might be in vision. HOW ? , lemme explain , suppose i gave you a word " WINTER " when you asked a group of people to put a view on this word some may compare it with love and other may in sorrow. Similarly, when you talk about yourself you should know how you differentiate yourself from rest of the world , you are special in your own way ,you don't have to be like everybody else. Pamper yourself with treats and gifts when you achieved something.

2. Be ambitious - " A person with vision can do anything " . you should have some aim some path to trail it might be treacherous, beautiful or filled with obstacles. But the tough people never quit , when you become clear with your dream you can easily eliminate negativity and time wastage activity from your dream lens. Life is all about getting new opportunities and distraction on the way but when you are clear about your dreams these are just a small things that you can step on without any dilemma.

3. Meet with new people -we all have dreams , dream about better life , better job , better home, better lover, better society so basically we all are optimistic about our life. Being an introvert till age of 25 i never let people to get into my comfort circle and somehow i lost the luxury of getting loved by people and end up getting no suggestions from other folks because i never shared myself with anyone , but as i grow up i feel i should have someone to whom i can bank upon, with whom i don't have to be fabricated.Friends and family will always give you back to your dreams , when you start reading other people you will analyse life and might be you get prepared for your future self, its so hard to cry in dark and wake up with smile in dawn , when your little paradise is shaking . For me reading and writing always help me to grow myself and i make my diary and having little library at home as my best friend.But a diary will have patience to listen you but unfortunately they never write you back .cherish the friendship and bound that you have with others .

4. Talk with old people - Being a boy who is brought up in a city with chaos and dreams , with remote part of India city called Junagadh I always try my best to analyze the people why they are different what makes them to do a particular thing which society doesn't accept , why they are so different , i always try my best to visit a NGO and spending my birthday at old age home with old people , after spending an hours with them i almost be able to vision my life with future glance , they taught me love , they taught me pain , they make me know that you got leave the things that is bothering and not going to help you in coming 5 years before you get left .

5.Do not expect - expectation leads to disappointment its better not to expect anything from anyone because i know how it feels when you your expectations leaves you stranded and all you left with is sorrow and heavy heart .

6. Play with kids - kids are always most adorable living being to get fancy , when you play with them you be able to get into the world where you were before few years , when you play with them you becomes yourself your judgments your attitude your ego just go banished cuj kids are the purest flower of god.Accept the kids with down syndrome they are the precious stones that everyone should treasure. Kids taught me many lessons like how to get happy without expecting anything from anyone, they have all the freedom to dream because no one have ever taught them about there limitations, when i was 20 i told my mother that maa, i wanted to be a writer , she told me that i cant because i have to study and get into good mba college so that i could have a better future , there is set a bar for me , but when i was 5 years old i told her that i m going to build a castle on sky she was like yes you can do anything , So, is that age set a bar for us or the responsibility ?

7. Do not hurt anyone - sometime i get too hard with myself and ended up by hurting myself only , once i was travelling in a metro, filled with lots of beautiful people i noticed a woman who entered the coach with a beautiful kid , he was screaming so loud and somehow everyone in the metro get disturbed one man came out and shout at lady can you please keep your baby shut , she replied i don't know how to keep him shut i just lost my Mom and dad in a car accident and my husband is deadly injured admitted in comma , could you please help me to keep my kid shut ? , that was the moment when i shattered and every one started showing sympathy but no one actually cares , it might become a story for them .I have a car and i generally travel on it for some work one day i went to market to purchase vegetables and i parked it in the middle of road , i analyze a ambulance is waiting for me to park my car properly , that time i feel so bad due to just 1 min of struggle for parking i m trying to compensate it with someone life in ambulance . I learnt the best lesson that day . what is yours? mail me your response .

8. Easy means difficult - I worked as an analyst and one day my manager asked me to put my creative ideas , think out of the box ,I need innovation. He was so simple but too tough to decode , I have to be clear with my mind about the box , so, what box exactly means ? Its not your brain you cant get out of your brain . Right ? so, Box for me was boundary, A line that i have created for myself .So i asked myself if i actually have to be into that circle or can i go out ? I challenged myself to get the idea and put it in front of my team .Guess what ? My presentation get appreciated by whole team and somehow i cleared it and get the appreciation from all.Everyone try to get into there box why ? cuj getting out of it will bring risk and threat for reputation , that how our mind is framed cuj no one has ever challenged our brain. do you dare to think out of your box? what is your box ?

9. 4 AM - do you know what 4AM looks like ? Heaven , everyone have 24 hours ,but some waste it on sleeping hangouts and doing nothing , get your schedule tight , wake up when the whole world is sleeping , chase your dreams try every single minute that bring you closer to your dreams cuj someone somewhere in the corner of bed is studying is working hard to get your dreams , you have to be one step closer than them . This age is too crucial to build up your dreams . Its totally depend on you if you wanted to waste it or invest it to make your future better . If you struggle for these 5 years your coming rest of the years will be luxurious . Ask yourself what you want .

10. Analyse your environment - It was 24th November of 2018 , Mumbai was covered with the blanket of fogg everything was blur i was standing on the corner of street with some handouts ,I was rush to the place which i love the most . My eyes suddenly got tangled on a man of about 65 in age , he was a walking with his head up with pride , he walked 10 step ahead of me then he suddenly step back and put something from the street and throw it into the bin . I with heavy voice asked him , excuse me? what you just did, Betta (son) he replied, that was needle if someone will walk barefoot that person might get injured , you should analyze things around you and become a leader to lead your society in good way. He taught me a lesson on that day , have you ever pluck a needle from someone life ? when it comes to me i hardly remember anything that i have done anything like this. But, shall we all together become a man like him .

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ihopennooneiknowseesthis · 7 years

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young - tom glynn-carney

requested(?): yes! - this is just a small blurb

“fluff about being new parents with tom and he gets stressed out, and you comfort him and all”

“can you please write some more jack lowden or tom glynn-carney ( or both ) imagines, honestly yours are so good!”

“please please please write something about reader and tom glynn carney!! my heart is aching for some tom fluff :(”

word count: 829

the stress of being young parents gets hard sometimes.

Being parents at a young age was hard, especially when your husband was a famous actor who was constantly working. You had met each other when you were only 20 and instantly after you got married, you had a child. Both of you weren’t even 25 yet and you were raising a two month old. Some days were easier than the others, it depended on the mood your little boy was in.

Today was one of the worst days so far, he had been crying all day and once he finally went to sleep, he woke the two of you in the middle of the night with his screams. You checked the clock and it was already past 2:30 in the morning and your little baby wouldn’t stop screaming. You had been trying for at least half an hour by now. The poor infant had a really bad ear infection and for the past few days he had been in pain but today must have been terrible for him as even the medicine wouldn’t help him go to sleep. He was kicking and screaming and wouldn’t stop squirming in your arms. You didn’t even know a person this small could have so much energy. You were cradling him in front of the window, as the view of the city always calmed him down but nothing was working today. You tried singing, you tried bouncing up and down, you tried everything. You looked down at him and his big blue eyes were staring up at you, welling with tears. He really did have his father’s eyes and he definitely had your smile but at that moment, the smile wasn’t present.

“It’s okay sweetie, I know you want to sleep. Mommy is tired too, please baby stop screaming. Shh, shh it’s okay” you tried pleading with your baby son but he just kept on crying and you just wished he would go to sleep. You felt a hand on your shoulder and saw Tom standing behind you with the same tired light eyes as your baby, and he held out his hands. “No Tom, it’s okay I got this. Go back to bed, you need sleep” he reluctantly backed up and walked back to your room.

You sighed looking at your husband walk away, he worked so hard for your family and his fans. He would stay up all night running his lines for an upcoming role to make sure he could be his best, and film all day, but somehow he always made time for you with dates and cuddles with your son. He wanted to be there for every step including the rough nights, even if it meant he never got sleep. But you couldn’t let him sacrifice his own health.

After a few more minutes, your son’s cries subsided and his eyes screwed shut, as he fell into deep sleep. You quietly head back to bed, incredibly tired and wanting nothing more than some sleep. You walked in and saw Tom sitting on the edge of the bed with his face in his hands, and you could hear soft muffled cries. You placed your sleeping boy down in his crib before you walked over to Tom’s side of the bed, and knelt down in front of him. Slowly removing his hands with your own, you forced him to look at you and you could see tears streaming down his cheeks.

“Tommy? Whats wrong babe?” you whispered. “I’m so sorry” he whispered back. “What are you sorry about?” he took a deep breath and said “I’m always busy and I try to make time for you both but it doesn’t seem like enough. I hate how you’re being left alone to take care of our child and I feel like, like a terrible father maybe I’m too young to be a good one” his voice cracks and he starts crying again, his broad shoulders shaking with every sob. You felt helpless, as you stared at a man who was always strong for his family, break down in front of you.

“Tom, look at me love” you said as you pulled his chin up softly. “You’re an amazing father and I couldn’t think of anybody better to raise our beautiful baby boy with. I mean he’s so small but he already adores you so much, I love you okay and you’re doing a great job, I wouldn’t want to be doing this with anybody else.” Tom took a deep breath and sighed, “I don’t know what I would do without you. I mean it. ” You shyly smiled and grabbed his hand.

“Let’s go to bed okay?” he nodded and got into your messy bed, pulling your body closer to his. “I love you Tom.” “I love you, and I love our little angel. So damn much.” And with that you wrapped yourself around him and fell asleep in his embrace.

#tom glynn carney #tom glynn carney imagine #tom glynn carney blurb #dunkirk imagines #dunkirk cast #dunkirk blurbs #fionn whitehead imagines #harry styles imagine #jack lowden #imagines #tom glynn-carney x reader #peter dawson

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imaginemycroftholmes · 7 years

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Mycroft Form Submission

Name: Destiny Nationality: American Age (note that if you below 21 your scores may be lower until age of legality): 31 Personality Type: INTP (according to the Meyer-Briggs personality test) Level of Education: Associates Degree ; Studying for BA Best Subject: Creative Writing and Art Worst Subject: Math Favorite Subject: Art and Creative Writing 5 Hobbies (if applicable): illustration, fanfiction writing, running fan blogs, video games, photography Favorite Genre of Music/Movies/Books: Music –> Anime & Video Game Soundtracks, Movie Soundtracks, some modern music, 90’s / Early 2000s R&B, but I’ll listen to almost anything else to try it. Movies: –> I am a Marvel Movies junkie. I’ve watched almost any kind of film. I hate horror films they make me startled and panicky. Classic films are great “My Fair Lady”, “Gone With The Wind”, “Rosebud”, etc. Books: –> Self Help Books, Romance Novels, Mystery Last song you listened to on repeat: Track 9 from “Princess Maker Soundtrack” Last phrase you said to another living person: “He is full of sh**.” (He is a liar.) How many blankets do you sleep with: I start with a blanket then kick it off if me in the middle of night 7 note worthy skills: I can be mature and professional when required. I can shut off my emotions so it doesn’t interfere with work. I am proficient in Adobe Creative Suite. I can smile in the face in my enemies and not lose my temper. I have a survivor’s mentality and will overcome any situation. I never stay still for long while at work. Yo hablo un poco de Español. 7 noticeable sins: I have been abused and I have also been an abuser. I am sometimes obsessed with erotica. I judge people behind their back. It is hard for me to forgive people. I overeat either because I want to or because of emotional eating. I have anger issues. I am Christian but also have a borderline Misanthrope attitude towards people (hypocrisy). Allergies/impairments/illnesses: Hashimoto’s Disease, Dairy Allergy, Medically Obese Level of Intelligence on a scale of 1 to 5 (1 being dumb, 2 being below average, 3 being average, 4 being above average and 5 being genius): 3 Level of Fitness on a scale of 1 to 5( 1 being obese, 2 being overweight, 3 being average, 4 being fit and 5 being skinny): 1 I am medically obese Level of Attractiveness on a scale of 1 to 5 (1 being Anderson, 2 being below average, 3 being average, 4 being above average and 5 being Mycroft): 3 ½ Feline, canine or both: Canine Confidence Level on a scale from 1 to 5 (1 being nonexistent, 2 low, 3 average, 4 above average and 5 Sherlock): 2 ½ Position in the Family (oldest, youngest, middle): Oldest Eye Color: Green Hair Color and Length: Brown, Short touching bottom of ears Combat level on a scale 1 to 5 (1 being useless, 2 being somewhat capable, 3 being average, 4 being more than capable and 5 being expert): 2 Your normal dress: A loose top with dark colors or a floral print, jeans, dark shoes How well you take rejection on a scale of 1 to 5 (1 being temper tantrum, 2 being vindictive, 3 being average, 4 being can take it like a man, and 5 being like water off of a duck’s back): 4 Languages known: English and some Spanish. Studying Italian and French on the side to learn differences and similarities in romance languages. Cleanliness of your bathroom on a scale of 1 to 5 (1 being a crime scene, 2 being messy, 3 being average, 4 being pretty clean and 5 being perfectly spotless) 2. I clean once a month to make it spotless but on average its messy. How big is your circle of friends on a scale of 1 to 5 (1 being nonexistent, 2 being very small, 3 being average, 4 being large, and 5 being a massive social network) 2. It’s better to have a few trusted friends than hundreds of fake friends. How would you rate your mental health on a scale of 1 to 5 (1 being very poor, 2 being poor, 3 being average, 4 being good, and 5 being prefect): 2 ½ Opinions on the current Holmes family members ( Siger Holmes, Violet Holmes, Sherlock Holmes and Eurus Holmes): Sherlock fascinates me and amuses me. I would probably piss him off laughing at his humor and fascinating way of solving a case (deductions and such). Eurus I honestly feel sorry for. She is insane, no doubt. But she is also deeply wounded and misunderstood. I would visit her with Mycroft and family from time to time to listen to her and Sherlock play music together Siger Holmes I don’t know too well. I would try my best to get along with him. Violet Holmes I would have a problem with her if she openly criticized Mycroft in front of me. She is Mycroft’s Mum so I would try my best to get along with her. She would secretly have an immediately dislike to me since I am an “ignorant Yank” but I know she would be polite. Any passive aggressive insults or direct I would ignore or say “I’ll keep that in mind.” The biggest problems we’d have is that she would wonder why on earth her son has associated with me on any level. Please bold the following below that applies toward your submission: Friendship Mentorship Relationship Partnership

The Question portion: Please note that you do not have to submit the pictures within your submission (save the puzzle) but you must answer them honestly and do so without cheating. (I’ll answer the ones I can do and skip the rest) 4) Center of the chest. 5) Cross out 555 and put in correct answer of 20 6) OCD. He has a ritual he MUST follow or he panics. 7) I’d leave the door open to the other room and test each switch until I see the light come on. 8) I would watch body and eye language (assuming the gods have human form) and the one that always lies I’d be able to tell right away. The one who randomly lies would be more difficult. I would cross examine and ask same question in different ways to see if their answer would change 9) Get a locksmith to open the lock. 11) The blue house owns a fish. (blue for color of water) 12) Alexander should go to shore of island and wait out the fire and hope it rains. 13) Cannot be determined 15) 0 17) Joyce 20) Michelangelo or Leonardo daVinci 22) About 400 people 24) There are two photographs of two different dresses. So both. 25) The paragraph is written like dialogue.

Mycroft’s answer:

It would seem that more than your namesake brought you here didn’t it Destiny? My lame attempt at humor aside if it should help with your studies on the romance languages they do share very similar structures which allows them to be interchangeable in some situations while still being understood in the opposing language. It’s a bit strange that despite learning these languages you wouldn’t recognized the true artist behind the painting (as the hail from one of those romance languages) but recall that the American education system isn’t on par with that of Mother England’s. I must confess that sometimes I too emotionally eat when Sherlock is being particularly stressful with his ‘ hobbies’ but I am currently trying to beat those bad habits through therapy and healthy coping mechanisms. I would presume that you too are also doing your best to overcome your inner demons as am I for great people must struggle a great deal to achieve their means. It is a reoccurring pattern to find so many artistically inclined submissions whose Achilles hill is mathematics. I confess that I only find the subject more entertaining when it pertains to my interests rather than the dribble of uninspired problems presented. I have no doubts that if you put 100% into yourself as you do your education you can overcome any of your obstacles. I know it may sound like something out of a dime store card but it’s true. Sometimes the truth is that simple and sometimes we need someone to remind us of those simple truths (John, Sherlock, Mrs. Hudson, etc.) when we forget to remember them. Should you require my services or a listening ear I am readily available for that. You don’t have to call me, oh no, trust me, I have my ways of knowing. Just have the courage to answer the phone.*

*Also I promise not to do the whole ‘mysterious act’ like I did with the good doctor so be aware that I will call and leave a message on your home phone or cellphone as Dr. Watson says that it is “Creepy as hell you twat and call like a normal person! No wonder you have so few friends!”

Friendship: 7.2/10

Relationship: 3.9/10

#Mycroft form 2.0 #submission

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netflixmess · 7 years

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By The Fader .

In Oslo, weekend nights are everything.

That’s partly because of Norway’s strict liquor laws, and also the general social drinking culture, which both tend to encourage weekend binges. People of all ages are normally reserved during the week, keeping their heads down as they go to class and to work, rarely speaking to strangers. Come Friday, though, all bets are off.

In early October 2016, a weekend party was in full swing, at a nice flat with tall ceilings in Grünerløkka, a cool neighborhood in central Oslo. Young, good-looking people were drinking and laughing, talking and flirting. Music was playing loudly — a bass-heavy Norwegian pop song, or maybe something by an American rapper.

At one point, someone started shouting, and asked for the music to be turned down. If this was a bad movie, there might have been a record scratch sound. Following a couple seconds of chaos, it became clear what was happening: a new Skam clip had been posted to the internet. “Oh my God!” someone screamed. “I’m not prepared,” said another. Within minutes, someone had pulled it up on their phone, and the party fell silent for the whole segment, as if collectively hypnotized. Anyone who tried to speak was swiftly shut down. There were no objections: it was time to watch.

That’s exactly how it went down, at least according to Erlend, a scruffy 25-year-old who works in the Norwegian music industry. He lives in Oslo, a.k.a. the birthplace of Skam, a ridiculously popular coming-of-age drama series that depicts the lives of fictional local teenagers. Even though it’s only been around since 2015, Skam, which is produced by NRK, a government-owned public broadcaster, and the biggest media company in Norway, is one of the most adored programs in the nation’s history, with about a quarter of the four million-person population watching each clip. It might also be one of the best TV shows about high school ever made.

Skam, which means “shame” in Norwegian, is released in real-time, with zero warning. If a scene takes place at school on a Tuesday afternoon, the clip goes up on the show’s website Tuesday afternoon. If it takes place at one in the morning at a Saturday night house party, like the first scene of the third season, which Erlend and his friends watched together last year, then it’s uploaded on a Saturday night. At week’s end, the clips, which vary in length but are rarely longer than 15 minutes, are rolled into a single “episode,” which airs on television. For now, if you live outside Scandinavia, the only way to watch Skam is illegally, via fan blogs who upload the episodes, usually to Google Drive or YouTube, and write their own subtitles. In other words: they’re doing God’s work.

Every season of Skam follows a different student at Hartvig Nissen, a real public school in Oslo, where a few of the show’s main actors are actively enrolled. The first season tracks Eva, a nervous, big-hearted 16-year-old who starts high school on the outs from her old clique. Noora, a headstrong feminist who strikes up an unlikely romance up with an older, brawl-starting ladies’ man named William, is at the center of Season 2. Season 3, which aired in the final months of 2016, is all about Isak, a baby-faced teen coming to terms with his sexuality. The fourth season, which began airing the second week of April, is about Sana, a muslim teen who always speaks her mind. The day the trailer dropped, it was announced on Instagram that Sana’s season would be the show’s final one.

Though it’s entirely scripted, Skam is good at blurring the lines between drama and reality. The characters (not the actors) have their own Instagram accounts, which are updated in time with the events of the show, and their fictional text messages, written by 27-year-old web producer Mari Magnus, are posted on the Skam site between clips. Sometimes a short conversation between two characters can stir up more suspense for viewers than a whole episode. The Skam team — headed up by director, screenwriter, and all-around mastermind Julie Andem, 34 — doesn’t allow the cast to do interviews often, partly because they are actually very young, but also because they want to safeguard the show’s tightly wound universe, to preserve the illusion that these characters could almost be real.

Andem, who declined to be interviewed for this piece, doesn’t do very much press either, especially outside of Scandinavia. This strategy has created an uncommonly intense relationship between the show and its audience. Fans invest in the characters' lives as if they were their friends, refreshing frantically, waiting for a clip or a text message as if their own life depended on it. Soap operas have long provided people around the world an escape from everyday traumas. Skam is helping people cope in a new way, by making the real world a more exciting place to be. Of course it’s all just pretend, but sometimes you need to make believe if you want to feel something real.

Oslo is frigid in March, and it snows a lot — gently, on and off. For someone whose first window into Norwegian culture was watching Skam bootlegs, exploring the city is kind of like walking through a film set. Bus stops, icy parks, a line of cottages on a slanted street. Everything looks familiar, but in an uncanny sort of way. It’s clean and quiet, especially on weeknights. It’s small, too, presenting itself as its own self-contained little universe, like the inside of a snow globe.

Every person I speak to in Oslo, from the noodle-limbed checkout guy at the corner store to a middle-aged festival organizer visiting from Denmark, knows what Skam is, and most of them have seen it. When I finally meet someone who seemed to know nothing about it — my Airbnb host, a lawyer in her early 30s — it’s actually just a mixup. “Ohhh, I thought you said Scandal or something,” she says, laughing. “I love Skam. I’ve seen every episode.”

No one expected it to get this massive, at least not according to Andreas Blaauw-Hval, a 32-year-old NRK communications manager who, along with his colleague Nathalie Sprus, handles all P.R. for the show. They’re the gatekeepers of the Skam universe, fielding calls from reporters all over the world on a daily basis, and saying “no” to nearly everything. “I think a lot of journalists, and our colleagues in the TV business, find this kind of arrogant,” Blaauw-Hval says. “But it's for the best of the series.”

Sprus and Blaauw-Hval are sitting in a plain-looking coffee shop in Frogner, a pretty neighborhood that feels upscale, but not in an ostentatious way. The café appeared in an episode of Skam once, and it’s just a couple blocks from the high school at which a big bulk of the show is filmed. “It's important to emphasize that the strategy was made before anyone knew how big it would be,” Blaauw-Hval says. “Our job is to try to maintain it, to keep it low-key and exclusive.”

It’s all just pretend, but sometimes you need to make believe if you want to feel something real.

When the show was launched in 2015, it was part of NRK’s attempt to connect with older Norwegian teens who seemed to spend most of their time on Netflix, or caught up in their own lives. Its creator, Julie Andem, who’d previously worked on Jenter, an NRK show for tweens with a similar short-burst real-time release format, was meticulous about accuracy from the get-go. She spent months traveling around and interviewing Norwegian teenagers about everything: sex, drugs, dating, their friends, their fears, their dreams. A lot of the show’s characters were loosely based on real people she met, or composites of several.

Next they started auditions, sitting with 1,200 kids born between 1996 and 2000. “At first people weren’t that interested,” Andem explained in 2016, during a rare TV interview that someone translated and posted on YouTube, in which she comes across as stern but likable. “NRK hadn’t made anything for [older teens], so they were skeptical,” she said. The cast they eventually settled on included a couple locally known child actors, but was dominated by amateur young nobodies, whose raw performances help elevate Skam to greatness. When 19-year-old Lisa Teige, who plays Eva, stresses out over a Facebook message to a potential new friend, it feels not just real, but true.

When it came time to release the first clip, Andem and her team, which includes producer Marianne Furevold-Boland, shared the link with tastemakers from the audition pool, as well as the cast. “The producers wanted the kids to find the series themselves,” says Nathalie Sprus from NRK, 31, who has brown hair with highlights and is almost always smiling. “Their worst nightmare was that a parent would read a news article about ‘this new cool show for kids’ and recommended it to theirs.” Furevold-Boland says this unorthodox, rumor-based strategy “creates loyalty, and a feeling of unity and ownership among teens,” adding that despite its unprecedented success with viewers of all ages, Skam is still made with its teenage target audience in mind.

“I watch Skam because I can relate, to the people and to the parties,” says Henrik, a beer-drunk 21-year-old, in a tented bar beside a church turned concert venue. He speaks in a nasally drawl, like an extra from a Nordic remake of Dazed & Confused. He tells me about russefeiring, the extremely Norwegian tradition in which crews of graduating high schoolers literally purchase a bus to party on for a couple weeks during their final semester. The celebrations, which start after the students turn 18 and can thus can guzzle beer legally, happen all over Norway, but are a huge deal in Oslo specifically. Henrik says kids here often make plans for “russ time” years in advance. Groups have recruited pop singers to record official theme songs for their bus; a bus might spend up to $17,000 USD on music alone, an Oslo-based English-language newspaper reported in 2014.

Russ is a big plot point in Skam. Eva joins a “bus” after her skater boyfriend Jonas encourages her to make new friends. Her search leads her to Noora, a poised new girl with a thing for red lipstick; Vidle, a Type A, russ-obsessed neurotic; Sana, a smart, snarky Muslim teen; and Chris, an unrestrained goofball behind some crucial moments of comic relief. Neither cool nor explicitly uncool, they’re the sort of relatable misfits you can’t help but cheer for. “Just acknowledge that we’re losers,” Sana says to the girls during a russ meeting in the first season. “So you think you’re a loser yourself?” Vidle aks, visibly perturbed. Sana responds: “I'm a Muslim girl in a faithless country — I'm the biggest loser of them all.”

The russ subplot is mostly on the back burner in Season 3, which tells the story of Isak, a confused, self-hating teenager played by a gifted 17-year-old named Tarjei Sandvik Moe, one of the actors who attends Hartvig Nissen in real life. While the earlier seasons hinted that Isak was grappling with something, his sexuality comes to the forefront in this one, which traces his messy romance with Even, a hip, handsome classmate with secrets of his own. All of Skam is gorgeously executed, but it’s Season 3 that feels like straight-up perfect television; you’d be hard pressed to find a more authentic depiction of young queer love. Isak’s realizations, about the tricky business of loving yourself enough to care for someone else too, never feel forced. They come slowly, with lots of help from friends, in a way that feels heartbreakingly true-to-life.

“I think the third season has a really relevant and really clear theme,” explains Elise By Olsen, the 17-year-old editor of an Oslo youth culture magazine called Recens Paper, one afternoon at an indoor food market on the Akerselva river's western bank. Olsen, who is something of a budding fashion icon in Norway, is a big believer that teenagers are more capable than adults give them credit for, and says that she wishes more young people were actively involved in the day-to-day production of Skam. She says she didn’t get into watching the show live until Season 3, which impressed her by tackling issues of sexuality and mental health. “It sort of normalized this stuff, which is quite rare here in Norway,” she explains. Olsen is also friends with some of the cast, including Henrik Holm, who plays Even. “One time he tagged me in a photo and I got, like, 2,000 new followers,” she says.

In Season 2, Noora and William’s will-they-won’t-they arc helped grow the show’s audience, particularly within Norway, but it was the Even and Isak love story that took Skam to the next level. Some truly adorable screenshots of the boys cuddling went viral on Tumblr, which led people across the globe to investigate where it had come from. Now, Skam’s is one of the more voracious TV fandoms in recent memory; in March, Isak and Even came first in E! Online’s fan-picked “TV's Top Couple” contest, by winning millions of votes from fans across the world. “Not bad for a Google Drive show,” one English-speaking stan account tweeted in celebration. “That they managed to win the poll proves there's a very strong engagement,” says Norwegian academic Vilde Schanke Sundet, who has a PhD in television studies from the University of Oslo. “The Norwegians cannot vote alone — you need to get your fan community organized,” she continues. Sundet, who’s working on a post-doctoral study about Skam, says the discourse within the fan community actually mirrors the tone of show, tackling serious topics in a respectful way. There’s a comment section under each official clip, too. “You can check it almost like a newspaper, or your Facebook,” Sundet says.

Part of what makes Skam feel like a news feed is its tight production schedule. According to producer Furevold-Boland, there’s a very short time between idea and execution, which “creates a great energy among the team members,” and also allows the show to respond to real events as they happen. Season 4 will do that by focusing on Sana, who is played confidently by 20-year-old hijabi actress Iman Meskini. “The point was to make a character that chooses her own relation to her religion,” Andem said in that interview on YouTube. “She has strong faith, but she doesn’t need to relate to the whole package the culture is trying to push on her.”

Sana introduces a lot of lofty ideas to Skam, often schooling her friends by offering a different perspective — adding important context to their private dramas without ever diminishing them. “War doesn’t start with violence, it starts with misunderstanding and prejudice,” she tells Noora, whose rigid ideals are challenged throughout the show. “If you say you’re in favor of a world full of peace you actually have to try to understand why others think and act the way they do.”

Despite her typically prickly exterior, Sana has a romantic side, and is an intensely loyal friend. Fans are excited about her season because, from a narrative standpoint, there’s still a lot left to learn about her. But her story feels especially meaningful now, as conversations around islamophobia and xenophobia have never been more urgent, in Scandinavia and beyond. The same day NRK released the trailer for Season 4, a suspected terrorist attack in Stockholm killed four and wounded several others, thrusting Sweden’s open door stance towards migrants and refugees into the global spotlight. In February, Donald Trump blamed a terrorist attack that never happened on Sweden’s liberal immigration policy, and in January he signed a highly contentious and swiftly overturned executive order to keep refugees and immigrants out of the U.S., specifically targeting seven predominantly Muslim nations.

The surprising news that this will be Skam’s last season stings, but if it has to end, Sana’s story feels like a good place to stop — with a reminder that the show isn’t just fodder for insatiable fans, but important, too. Sana isn’t a real person, but she has the potential to be a visible and outspoken role model for real young women, with real stigmas, who have real needs. The trailer for her season is soundtracked by a Nina Simone cover, sung by Yusuf Islam, the artist and convert to Islam formerly known as Cat Stevens. The clip runs in reverse, making the song virtually unrecognizable. Play it forward though, and you’ll hear the words: “I'm just a soul whose intentions are good/ Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood.”

Being a teenager is a beautiful mess. It’s miserable in a lot of ways, but there’s also something strangely poetic about the urgency of it all, the way your little high school world is constantly expanding and collapsing in on itself. Like the greatest shows about teenage life — My So-Called Life, Freaks and Geeks, the sometimes overly schmaltzy Degrassi — Skam never trivializes these feelings.

Even as a 26 year old, I was swept up in Skam straight away. I wish it had been around when I was younger, though I always remind myself it couldn’t have. It’s so inextricably connected to modern digital behavior, which is in itself a hopeful reflection of the things that are good about being young right now, and the way social media has created lifelines for teenagers looking for others who understand them and care what they have to say, whether they’re queer, religious outcasts, or die-hard megafans of a teen drama from Norway.

One of my personal favorite scenes is a quiet one, during which Isak opens up about his sexuality to his best friend Jonas. He tells him that he has romantic feelings for Even after school, over kebabs. Jonas doesn’t flinch; it’s obvious he doesn’t mind who his friend dates. It’s borderline tear-jerking in its casualness, a total non-event. One afternoon, I ride past the kebab shop from that same scene. I pull out my phone to snap a photo of the storefront, and one of the employees in the window, who’s probably getting used to fans appearing out of nowhere, laughs and covers his face.

Later, I walk into an old church with big wooden doors and a clock tower steeple. It’s the setting of another emotional scene from Isak’s season, one that aired a little before Christmas. It features a cameo by Norwegian performance artist Nils Bech, who sings a haunting, Swedish-language rendition of “O Holy Night,” in this very church.

When, on another night, I share a drink with Bech in the back of a crowded bar downtown, he says his cover of the iconic holiday staple was a kind of political statement. He relates the song’s biblical lyrics about God’s son dying for our sins to LGBTQ folk’s long-term struggle for visibility; to him, the words are directed at his gay peers, urging them to think about those who fought for equality before them. “I wanted to say, Hey people! Remember that someone, in a way, died for us to be able to be us!” Like the song, Skam itself is a symbol of how far we’ve come, and a reminder of how much work is left to do.

The reaction to the track was wild, Bech says, with admiring notes from fans and other artists pouring in straight away — a testament to the power of Skam. I asked what he thinks it is about the show that reaches people in such a unique, special way. “When you fall in love, it's always so fucking difficult,” he says, laughing. “And I love the way [Julie Andem] showed that. I think a lot of people watching realized, ‘Oh, it's not about being gay or straight or whatever — love is love.’” He took a sip of beer. “At least that’s why I like it so much.”

Late last year, it was announced that an English-language remake of the show is in the works for U.S. and Canadian audiences, with backing from American Idol producer Simon Fuller. Most Skam fans I talk to are skeptical to say the least, sometimes citing MTV’s tone deaf, too-faithful take on the U.K.’s druggy high school show Skins as an example of just how terribly these translations can go. The real-time rollout and the digital elements can be replicated easily, but the content can’t. “If the show wasn't good, you wouldn't let yourself be so engaged,” Vilde Schanke Sundet tells me.

“I think a lot of people watching realized, ‘Oh, it’s not about being gay or straight or whatever — love is love.’” —Nils Bech

Skam has earned large fan groups in a lot of places, including but not limited to the U.K., the Philippines, China, and the United States. For supporters who stop in from out of town, there is a map of shooting locations on VisitOslo.com, the city’s official travel guide. But there’s occasionally some tension between local fans and tourists, and some Norwegians feel like they understand the show in a more significant way than their international counterparts.

“Norwegian fans are really protective,” Sundet says when we meet in a gift shop near the entrance of The Vigeland Park, a huge sculpture garden full of twisty, snow-covered footpaths, before explaining the unspoken cultural rules known as the Law of Jante, which prohibits citizens from ever thinking they’re superior to anyone else. “They will tell international fans off, saying, ‘You can't go into the school,’ or ‘You need to ask before you take the pictures,’” she explained. “This is a social democracy, so the idea of someone sticking out is strongly bound in our culture. We don't have the kind of superstars that you have in Hollywood.”

That famous and non-famous people have been historically afforded the same level of respect and attention in Norway adds a layer of relatability to Skam, and helps the stories feel more personal. But the show is also a straight-up global phenomenon, one that has pushed the small Nordic society into uncharted waters by complicating these long-standing ideas about what it means to “stick out.” It’s all emblematic of another reason the show is so intoxicating: it’s reflecting back small ways the world is changing, in real time.

One night, I walk around Oslo at dusk. I walk past book shops and clothing stores and chain coffee shops and markets. I walk past churches and houses and apartments and parks. I look at the people who pass me on the street. I look at their bulky scarves and puffy jackets and fuzzy wool gloves. At some point, I start to see the Skam characters in all of their faces.

For one second, I convince myself that I actually do see Henrik Holm — the actor who plays Even, Isak’s dreamy love interest. If it is him, he’s walking fast in the opposite direction, talking into a cell phone and dragging a suitcase behind him. Suddenly, for a split second, we’re right next to each other and out of the corner of my eye, I decide that it’s really him. I’m not positive, but I’m pretty sure. I awkwardly stop walking and whip around, but he’s got long legs and a quick stride, and is already on the next block.

#wow #this was long #skam #articles #the fader #skam cast #usa #to read #season 1 #season 2 #season 3 #season 4

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randomthingsthatilike1 · 7 years

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So this is regarding the Supercat AU I just posted about yesterday (link here)--who in the supergirl cast would fill what position?

So first thing’s first: Press Secretary.

As Annabeth put it, for 6 years CJ Cregg managed the press through charm and disarm, a seduction. And yes Cat could do it, but you know who would both be good at it and enjoy it?

James.

Alex is obviously chief of staff (and for more comparisons between Jed and Leo and Kara and Alex, I p much already wrote like 2k already tbh). But I will leave here: you gotta best friend? Are they smarter than you? That’s your chief of staff. (And yeah former Surgeon General and army medic turned chief of staff Yup that’s Alex)

As for Lucy? Lucy I can see so much as Deputy Chief of Staff. She’s smart and determined and never sleeps and has So Many contacts in DC—former lawyer that briefed the joint-chiefs-of-staff, General Sam Lane’s daughter, and a Democrat? Yeah, she knows the game. She speaks Republican, since she was raised by one, and knows exactly how to charm and intimidate alike. So many Republican asswhipes just see an attractive woman or a shy little girl and just get absolutely hammered by Lucy. Very few see her coming. She’s been in Washington before sure—but there’s a new Congress every 2 years, and a lot of them have either forgotten or never knew that Lucy wasn’t just a damn wave, she was a tsunami (she was military back then. And her job consisted of keeping her mouth shut, both regarding the secrets she knew and her opinions on the (then) current political climate. This isn’t opening up a debate or anything but even most of the staunchest Republicans were like ‘that’s legit’ when former General Mike Flynn got fired for bad mouthing Obama when he was in uniform. People never really realized she had the blinders on, pretty much always.)

Oh man, and VP Hank Henshaw (yes I know his name is really J’onn but I’m making Hank his middle name and Henshaw his mom’s maiden name. He’s going into politics—a name like J’onn Jonzz doesn’t exactly play the best), former General and joint-chief, Kara’s foil. Most people see the sunshiney optimism, her youth, and her career background and forget that she’s former military. They see Hank, all of his experience with foreign affairs and military and wisdom and are comforted because there’s just one meter in which you judge the Vice President—on their ability to assume the Presidency. And this is politics—they don’t only want him as VP because he’s black, but it definitely made it easier to make that decision as opposed to Chief of Staff.

Winn. I blame @civilorange for this but cat and winn really could have a potential for friendship and really lbr Winn is Sunny and Awkward enough to be this version of Sam, the two of them the Batman and Robin of the White House (and oh man—the scandal isn’t that he accidentally slept with a call girl. The scandal is he’s the toymaker’s son). The boy can write, can knock socks off and has a phenomenal grasp of written oratory and syntax. But he’s completely fucked if he tries to do it in front of like. Anyone he doesn’t know very well, he just freezes up. The Toymaker’s son didn’t exactly have a sheltered childhood, filled with encouragement and support. He learned how to trust, but it’s tentative. He’s not right for Communications Director but as Cat’s deputy? That’s enough.

And then Kara. My kiddo. The star of the show. Like I mention before she was a ROTC college kid, didn’t have access to her trust fund because she was put in witness protection as a kid—her parents’ killer Non is apprehended when she was a sophomore in college but her parents very much instilled a sense of duty in her. She kept going. She comes from a very wealthy family sure, but she can’t access it until she’s 25 anyway Her mom was a Supreme Court Justice and her dad an astronaut at NASA (less of a commute than you might think when you have your own small private plane and are a pilot. Kara grew up knowing that the sky was never the limit), her aunt one of the youngest generals in military history—yeah, a lot of people wanted them dead. She’s a bit aimless in college, Art and Political Science and Linguistics, double minor in military science and astronomy. I don’t think most people realize just how smart Kara is, not to mention easily she bores. She likes being busy, being faster than any thoughts of her past (also no way does Astra ‘I love my niece more than anything in this life’ not teach kara at a v young age how to fight. Kara is very good at it)

She does her requisite 4 years, spends the next two years kind of just enjoying life as an artist, taking it easy and dealing with both childhood trauma and the shit she’s seen in the past 4 years and just slowing down a bit. She sells some of her art, not because she needs the money but because she wants to have it out there. She’s still in her 20’s when she starts working as a diplomat—her record definitely helps. She never really got to travel much but now she does—and damn does she just soak in languages like a sponge.

When she finally feels like setting roots, she goes back home, gets her grad degree in Astronomy—she’s always had a love affair with the stars. Maybe becomes a professor for a little while—you know the one, the one everyone has a crush on and is the one

And kara would 10/10 would be that person that stands up to some bigoted politician and just be absolutely Done with his policies and everyone else is just afraid of him, the guy’s been their district’s representative for decades and is corrupt af so she kind of gets into politics because fuck him she’d do a better job and she cares way more about their country than he does and oh man what if it’s like the Horton Wilde Campaign and the only other candidate has had four heart attacks (and God I’m just reminded of that line “There are worse things in the world than no longer being alive.”), so. She runs and lmao Kara’s surprised that she actually does win but 0/10 is anyone else because she’s dripping with charisma and sincerity and is so damn smart and inspirational and not to mention she’s pretty much looks like a Greek pantheon, along with an exceptional pedigree and has a spotless record (except—it’s not spotless. She was expecting it to come out, but she’s been discrete with any relationships she’s ever had, women with just as much skin in the game as she does. They don’t come up).

She wins, and then she keeps on winning. She moves from the House of Representatives to Governor and she’s two year into her second when her sister comes back to their home state, unannounced, with a crumpled up napkin she’s been carrying in her pocket for the past few days.

Danvers for America

And that brings me to my next point--Cat as Toby, White House Communications Director—there’s too much of a conflict of interest for the former (she takes a leave of absence) head of a media conglomerate to be the press secretary. Not to mention—Cat can charm the pants off of anyone but she is biting and sarcastic and sometimes a bit hostile. So can she do it? Sure. But more like a fill in kind of thing. There’s never any secret plan to fight inflation kind of thing. She could do it long term, but she doesn’t really want to. Cat was first and foremost, a journalist. A writer—there are very few people good enough to write for the White House, and Cat is one of them. (and you know who’s a grumpy cat? Toby. You know who else is a grumpy cat? Cat.)

Seriously, Toby and Cat would get together so well, they have such a similar sense of humor and idealism “it cant go far” “yes” “somewhere in this building is our talent”—or setting aflame horrible writing. She’s an award winning writer, able to inculcate hope and optimism into an entire city with just a few words, and almost completely on the fly. She takes a leave of absence from CatCo, brings Carter to DC—he’s young, he bounces back. She has plenty of savings that the lack of salary doesn’t really bother her.

And it’s been years but Cat feels re-energized, driven, motivated again. And it’s all because of Kara, brilliant, beautiful, wholly and sincerely good. She feels a tugging in her gut, fingers itching to smooth that little crinkle between her eyes, the one that shows up at the end of a particularly difficult day at the White House, one ending in body counts, absolute devastation in every glance and gesture because Kara takes everything so personally and Cat just wants to see her smile again. But Cat knows how this story goes. She tells herself that this is simply admiration, that she isn’t half in love with the most powerful person on the planet, that what she feels is just what the rest of the staff feels, and she’s misreading all the signs and gestures and body language because the President of the United States is not gay.

Except, that all goes right out of her brain whenever she sees Kara’s smile—like the sun. Kara’s sunshine, all of it, relieving warmth that envelops you like the softest, gentlest hug, rays of light breaking through after a snowstorm, light erupting through the clouds after a night you aren’t sure you’ll ever survive—the harsh, unrelenting, UV waves, burning everything in its path. Sunburns and melanoma, droughts, forest fires, sun’s rays harnessed to the point of combustion, going from pleasantly warm to scorching in a matter of minutes—the two Karas.

But Cat sees them both--and it’s not that she doesn’t care, because that’s the point. Cat does care. She sees both sides of Kara, and with every stolen moment, every conversation, every time she promises herself just once more—and it’s never enough. God help her if (when) Kara finally clues in, because there’s no going back—Cat is ruined. She’s fallen in love with her President, and Cat may be the woman with a plan but not this time.

#supercat #supergirl #the west wing #kara danvers #cat grant #tww #lucy lane #alex danvers #j'onn jones #winn schott #james olsen #i dont like how this ended #and this is just the original cast #the main original cast #i have plaNS #;D #superwing #superwing au

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silvurgalaxies · 7 years

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1-50 ples

Alright due to the length of this, I’m putting it under the cut. I seriously don’t wanna clog people’s dashes! So yeah! Thank you for asking! It was fun to fill out! XD

Pfft that’s a lot of questions but uhh yeah I’ll do my best for ya!

1. Your first OC ever?

My first oc ever was named Hank, he was my sonic fan character I made three years ago. Originally, he was half demon, half dragon. Before I changed him to a half demon half hedgehog. I used him a lot and he’s still going through redesigns now. I still love him, but there’s a lot that needs to be fixed, especially the design and backstory.

2. Do you have a personal favourite among your OC’s?

Well, that’s like asking to pick between two children. So I love them all equally. There’s certain ones I like using more than others, but as a whole? All of them.

3. Have you ever adopted a character or gotten a character from someone else?

Yes. A year back I went on an adopting spree. Anchor, Cadmus, Angel, Skyler…all adopted children. But I love them as my own. I don’t adopt characters anymore. Except that one bat Saga designed for me a little while ago which I love. I try to develop them on my own, the design is a stepping stone. Each character has grown since I adopted them.

4. A character you rarely talk about?

Andrew is rarely mentioned, as well as Cadmus and Skyler. There’s a lot of characters I have yet to share. Nova as well. Cupid and Cole aren’t mentioned either, I am writing a story with them, but I have yet to post it.

5. If you could make only one of your OCs popular/known, who would it be?

Probably Sloth, the human Sloth. I mean, he’s a lazy guy who doesn’t really care about anything, but I feel right now he’s the most developed out of all of the others.

6. Two OCs of yours that look alike despite not being related?

Kody and Cupid. Both of them look really similar but they’ve never met ever. Techno and Sloth I’m not including because they were both originally made for AU’s but their human versions are completely different looking.

7. Are your OCs part of any story or stories?

Yep. Many of them are running story ideas I’m still working out the kinks for. I want all the characters to be as developed as possible before I move forward. They all live in one universe. And this universe is focused on angels, demons, sins, virtues, and the children of these angels and demons.

8. Do you RP as any of your OCs? If you do, introduce one of your RP OCs here!

I’ve used a lot of them! Hank and Kody were the most common until Techno and Sloth replaced them later on. But I use most of them!

9. Would you ever be willing to give any of your OCs to someone else?

I would never give them away. They are my children. But if something happened to me, and I wasn’t around to keep them, I only trust two people with them, and that’s Jazz and Saga.

10. Introduce an OC with a complicated design?

The most complicated design goes to Techno I hope you’re proud of yourself. Second place goes to anthro Sloth.

11. Is there any OC of yours you could describe as a “sunshine”?

Kody. No doubt about it that kid’s always a happy child.

12. Name an OC that isn’t yours but who you like a lot

Okay, like there’s a lot. I really, reALLY like Gear. Like, him and Snazz are my favorites. The human versions too. I love their dynamic and they’re both really interesting. I really love Scratch too, he’s great, him and his flames and secret stuffed animal collection, his sister Krystalia too. I’ve always loved the both of them. I also really like Firewall too. Besides that, I just love Cheezedonut’s dutchie, Sunday, he’s adorable.

I love a lot of people’s characters, especially cause I know they love them too and put a lot of work and love into creating them, which is something I love to see.

13. Do you have any troublemaker OCs?

Hank never fails to annoy an entire room. He gets himself into bad situations cause he has a sass problem. He doesn’t know how to shut up. Cadmus is bad too, him and Skyler are bounty hunters, hunting both people and objects for pay. Cupid gets into trouble too, he thinks because he’s a god he can get away with pulling stupid stunts. Angst is the worst, he stirs up trouble wherever he goes. Sloth and his siblings, man those children are all sinners, it’s only natural for all the seven deadly sins to be troublemakers.

14. Introduce an OC with a tragic backstory

Hmm. A lot of them do sadly. The universe I put them in is kind of an unhappy place. I think human Sloth or Techno wins for this.

15. Do you like to talk about your OCs with other people?

In real life, I typically do not. I have a friend who does and that’s all she talks about sometimes. I tend to keep it low, not a lot of people know about my characters. On the internet or Skype I could go on for days. But I don’t want to annoy anyone with my talk of them.

16. Which one of your OCs would be the best at biology (school subject)?

Andrew. Guy’s an alchemist, ehh sorta. He’s the most intelligent out of everyone. He’d do the best in school. I’d say Cole, but Cole doodles all over his notebooks and doesn’t do homework as often.

17. Any OC OTPs?

I mean…Nate x Genesis, Techno x Gear, Sloth x Snazzy, Andrew x Angelica, and Cole x Cupid are what I got going right now. Possible Cadmus x Skyler but I don’t know if that’s gonna be a thing.

18. Any OC crackships?

Sloth x Techno, by far. It’s the funniest in human form cause they freaking hate each other a lot. Andrew x Hank, the both also hate each other.

19. Introduce an OC that means a lot to you (and explain why)

Hank is the first character I ever made, and I can never let him go. He meant a lot to me while in middle school, and he’s still here, hanging out. I will never get rid of him.

20. Do any of your OCs sing? If they sing, care to share more details (headcanon voice, what kind of songs they like etc)?

Nate can play the guitar, and he writes his own music. When Angst was still sane he could play the bass and sing. Kody plays a mean kazoo him and Sloth have a band they’re going places, they are both masterful kazoo players.

21. Your most artistic OC

Cole. Stop drawing in your notebooks. He wins. He’s the most artistic. Techno is as well actually, his form of art is building or tinkering. He doesn’t share it that much cause he can be a little embarrassed of his creations.

22. Is there any OC of yours people tend to mischaracterize? If yes, how?

I mean not really right now from what I’ve noticed? Idk.

23. Introduce OC that has changed from your first idea concerning what the character would be like?

Techno went from a meme, to a meme with a backstory, to a fandom monitor, to his own AU, to a legitimate human, to a human with a demon parshally possessing him, to a demon hunter. Oh yeah I forgot to mention Techno is a demon hunter as a human, he’s mainly doing it for revenge. It flipped when he got stuck with Sloth.

24. If you could meet one OC of yours, who would it be and why?

I feel like Sloth would be the most reasonable. I would love to meet Kody! He’s adorable! But I would want to meet them all.

25. The OC that resembles you the most (same hobby, height, shared like/dislike for something etc?)

Ehh personality wise? Nova was designed to be a mascot. I never showed him. Techno is pretty close. We’re both awkward potatoes.

26. Have you ever had to change your OC’s design or something else about them against your will?

Techno’s change was a choice for me, cause of a Tumblr!Sans already made. But I’m glad I changed him. It was never against my will. Look at him now! He’s gotten farther than I ever thought he would.

27. Any OCs that were inspired by a certain song?

Hank was inspired by the song, “What I’ve Done” by Linkin Park. The rest were just random as heck.

28. Your most dangerous OC?

Sloth is the most dangerous, when he actually does something, it’s extremely powerful.

29. Which one of your OCs would go investigate an abandoned house at night without telling anyone they’re going?

Hank would do it. You go Hank. And then Kody would follow him.

30. Which one of your OCs would most likely have a secret stuffed animal collection?

….Cadmus would.

31. Pick one OC of yours and explain what their tumblr blog would be like (what they reblog, layout, anything really)

Sloth runs an asethetic blog where he posts pictures of peanut butter with filters and then he reblogs pictures of feathers. He doesn’t let anyone know this blog exists. Techno’s blog is just all over the place but really organized. He’d reblog pictures of machinery, lots of gear pictures too.

32. Which one of your OCs would be the most suitable horror game protagonist and why?

Oh jeez. I’d say Cole for this one. He’s the most ‘normal’ out of everyone.

33. Your shyest OC?

Kody or Cole. Probably Cole. If Kody is with Hank he’s really calm and friendly to new people.

34. Do you have any twin characters?

Andrew has a twin sister named Victoria. But they don’t see each other very much.

35. Any sibling characters?

Hank and Angst are half brothers. Andrew and Victoria are twins. Human!Sloth has six “siblings”, and he’s the middle child. Human!Techno has a younger sister. Maple has four siblings, each one representing a season.

36. Do you have OC pairs where the other part belongs to someone else (siblings, lovers, friends etc)?

Oh hell yeah! We got Nate and Genesis (belongs to @krystalia-productions), Techno and Gear, and Snazzy and Sloth! (Snazzy and Gear belong to @alternativesaga) and now we got Sin and Flowriel (belongs to @marshiemonarch)

Pairing characters is so fun!! I love it!!

37. Introduce an OC who is not quite human

Literally all of them except for Cole and Nate. I’m planning on converting Nate to a human pretty soon, cause right now he’s a sonic oc still ahah.

38. Which one of your OCs would be the best dancer?

Nate is really good at dancing. Anything related to music he’s pretty good at ahah.

39. Introduce any character you want

Name: Cupid

Age: ageless

Gender: Male

Basic Description: He was a god who just awakened one day, his job is to ensure that people do fall in love, without him to do his job, no one would fall in love with each other. But what happens if his arrow misses and hits the wrong person? He’s also a smart alec he thinks he can get away with anything. He loves screwing with people’s love lives.

40. Any fond memories linked to your characters? Feel free to share!

All of them have their own memories, to be honest seeing them just makes me happy. Each one has a story about how I created or came up with them, and thinking about that too is cool.

41. Has anyone drawn fanart of your OCs? If yes, maybe show a picture or two here (remember sources & permissions!)

OMG YES AND I SCREAM WITH JOY WHENEVER THEY DO. I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY WHEN I GET THEM I JUST GET REALLY HAPPY AND EVERYONE IS JUST REALLY TALENTED IN TERMS OF ART AND I JUST HHHH.

42. Which one of your OCs would be the most interested in Greek gods?

Greek gods? In that case, Cupid. I mean…he technically is one. Or Cole, he likes Greek gods a lot. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

43. Do you have any certain type when you create your OCs? Do you tend to favour some certain traits or looks? It’s time to confess

Most of them are male boy teenagers with a very similar haircut and always wear sweatshirts. Okay no I’m sorry. But most of them aRE MALE. ARGH.

44. Something you like about your OCs in general

EVERYTHING. I legitimately love them all and everything about them. They aren’t perfect which is something I love about them!

45. A character you no longer use?

Shade the Wolf, Nightmarestar, and a fricking ton of warriors OCs (like Leafstone omfg and Fastfoot holy frick xD))

46. Has anyone ever told you that you treat your OCs badly?

No. Not yet. Maybe for backstories but no, no one has ever said that.

47. Has anyone ever (friendly) claimed any of your OCs as their child?

If it counts, @krystalia-productions has claimed Sloth. Okay no I’m joking Sloth literally lives with you.

48. OC who is a perfect cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure

Kody. The purest.

49. Which one of your OCs would most likely enjoy memes

Techno dabbed so hard once the universe was created. True story.

50. Give me the good ol’ OC talk here. Talk about anything you want

They’re all trash bags but I love them all. Yep. I dunno what else to put here.

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biofunmy · 5 years

Text

Polyamory Works for Them – The New York Times

The Look

Having multiple partners can mean more pleasure, but it’s not always easy.

Photographs by Yael Malka

Text by Alice Hines

Produced by Eve Lyons

Through a half-century of sexual upheaval, monogamy has been a curious stalwart.

The tradition of having a single sexual partner is among the only sexual practices liberals and conservatives rarely disagree about. Its blandness belies mysterious origins: Scientists have yet to conclude why prairie voles, much less people, prefer to bond in long-term pairs.

Yet in certain concrete burrows, monogamy’s inverse is on the rise. Jade Marks, a 26-year-old artist and herbalist in the Bedford-Stuyvesant neighborhood of Brooklyn, recalled a recent post by a friend on Instagram: “Are there any other queers out there who are monogamous?”

That feeling may have something to do with the immediate environment. Most weekends in New York, a smattering of events cater to the non-monogamous. There are lecture series, workshops and discussion groups. There are cocktail hours and meet-and-greets. And there are, of course, parties.

On a recent Saturday night in Crown Heights, an angelic gatekeeper in a pastel harness did her best to assure a reporter that she wouldn’t be a total buzz kill at a private party of 200 mostly straight, mostly non-monogamous New Yorkers. “Just watching is O.K.!” she said outside the site, a loft lit like an infrared sauna. “Have a good time! Stay hydrated! And always ask for consent!”

Inside were some of the happiest-looking sober adults ever seen after 2 a.m. “It’s like ‘Eyes Wide Shut’ meets a Gaspar Noé film,” said a Scandinavian digital artist and recent Brooklyn transplant. He and his girlfriend were attending for the first time; they had read about the party, called NSFW, on the internet.

NSFW caters to the 25-to-35 age bracket, has an all-black dress code and is made up of 60 percent women, according to its founder, Daniel Saynt. Its application for membership requires a social media profile link (“It’s very curated,” Mr. Saynt said) and responses to open-ended and check-box questions (“ultimate fantasy” is a short answer; optional boxes to check include “hedonist,” “daddy” and “label-less”). That may sound like the precursor to a job interview, but the point is to ensure that the needs of attendees are met. Wouldn’t it be nice if other clubs worked that way?

“I don’t think that polyamory is somehow more evolved than monogamy,” said Zhana Vrangalova, a sex researcher who will teach an online course for couples and individuals seeking to open their relationships this fall. “But it should be an option. People should have more options.”

That was a maxim for the two dozen non-monogamous people interviewed for this article. The subjects, who represent a range of ethnicities, sexual orientations, gender identities and professions, agreed on this: For them, more partners means more exploration and more pleasure.

Consensual or ethical non-monogamy is an umbrella term that encompasses various relationship models, including polyamory, open relationships, sexual encounters with more than two people and swinging. Polyamorists are interested in exploring long-term relationships with multiple people. Swingers tend to be older couples opening their marriages recreationally.

According to a 2014 Chapman University survey, 5 percent of American relationships identify themselves as non-monogamous. In a more recent survey of single adults in the United States, in 2017, one-fifth of respondents said they would try some form of non-monogamy at some point in their lifetime.

In major cities, there are plenty of ways for non-monogamous and polycurious people to meet, among them apps, dinners, friends, blind dates and parties. In New York, organized sex parties include Chemistry, which requires a Q. and A. application and photo, but doesn’t screen for a particular look; NYC Inferno, a gay play party that mostly attracts cisgender men but is open to queer, trans and nonbinary people (Playhouse, a spinoff event, revolves around trans guys); Skirt Club, a members-only club for bisexual women; and Wonderland, which welcomes everyone as long as they bring a buddy who will vouch for them, and are committed to fantastical dress codes (“Ancients vs. Aliens,” “Dungeons and Drag Queens”).

Now a cottage industry of coaches and educators has cropped up to help polyamorous partners strive for compersion, the happy-for-you alternative to jealousy. Effy Blue, a relationship coach in Brooklyn, works with all of the following: triads, or three people in a committed relationship together; individuals seeking to transparently date multiple lovers simultaneously; partners who each have intimate friends, all of whom are close; and clients cultivating long-term relationships with someone who already has a primary partner.

“There is no single model that suits everyone,” Ms. Blue said. She also wrote a book on play-party etiquette. “Consent is the cornerstone of any well-produced, healthy and fun sex party,” she said. “This makes it safer and more fun than an average nightclub on any given day.”

Ella Quinlan, a 27-year-old event planner, said she knows hundreds of peers on the East and West Coasts practicing their own flavors of non-monogamy. In her own relationship with Lawrence Blume, a 55-year-old tech investor, Ms. Quinlan’s goal is to enhance what is conventionally beloved about monogamy, she said.

“We want to show people that it’s actually possible to be in a long-term, healthy, satisfying, deeply rooted and connected emotional relationship with somebody — and do this,” Mr. Blume said.

It’s not always easy. “There’s a lot of talking, and it takes a lot of work,” said Jade Marks. When Jade began exploring non-monogamy with Tourmaline, Jade’s primary partner, the pair quickly realized they had different expectations: Jade wanted casual encounters, while Tourmaline preferred sustained relationships with multiple people.

It took a lengthy negotiating period. Boundaries helped: Jade and Tourmaline established safe sex guidelines, and a rule of not bringing any partners to the apartment they share, though Jade said they have “a clause” for unexpected encounters.

Some emotions come with the territory. “A lot of us grew up with few of examples of what supportive queer, trans or non-monogamous relationships look like,” Tourmaline said. Among the couple’s queer and trans peers, non-monogamy can sometimes seem compulsory. “It’s O.K. to feel jealous,” Jade said. “It’s O.K. for this to be hard.”

Karen Ambert, 35, met Kenneth Play, a 38-year-old sex educator, three years ago on an art bus that was touring their neighborhood of Bushwick. Two years later, Mr. Play introduced Ms. Ambert, an emergency-room physician, to the man who became her second boyfriend, Geronimo Frias, the co-owner of a parkour gym.

It’s not technically a triad, but a V, as the relationship configuration is known in the poly community. Mr. Play and Mr. Frias don’t date each other, but they do date other people. (Mr. Play employs an assistant, in part to help book his rotating cast.)

Polyamorous for most of her adult life, Ms. Ambert hid it from her colleagues in medical school and residency. “I was always worrying about the next step. How will this impact my education and career?” she said. But recently she has grown more comfortable in her professional standing, and felt ready to come out about her love life too.

Mr. Frias was sitting on a couch at the home of Mr. Play with Ms. Ambert wedged in the middle, basking in the gaze of four adoring eyes.

Sexual repression is at the root of the wider public stigma about non-monogamy, said Narjesi Tragic, an environmental science student in Queens.

But that’s rapidly changing along with “tolerance of different kinds of lifestyles, traditions, religions,” said Orion Starbreeze, Narjesi’s metamour (both date Tiana North, a professional dominatrix and dog trainer, but not each other).

“We’re returning to that nomadic sharing of partners and resources,” Ms. North said. “There’s ride shares, there’s house shares, bike shares — we’re in a sharing generation now.”

Which, for some, is easier to intellectualize than practice. “The biggest obstacle to free love is the emotion we call jealousy,” the sex educators Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton write in the 1997 edition of their book “The Ethical Slut,” which introduced many Americans to the concept of non-monogamy.

One morning, I Skyped with Na’Im Najieb, a 33-year-old author, and Tyomi Morgan, 31, who is a sexuality coach. The two of them have been in an open marriage for a year and a half, and they recommend the use of mindfulness techniques to overcome jealousy.

“Is this really my partner separating from me?” Ms. Morgan said she asks herself when feelings of insecurity arise. “Or am I struggling my own abandonment issues, and needing to clearly express to Na’Im what affirmation I need to receive?”

Instead of jealousy, Ms. Morgan said she tries to think about gratitude and send messages like, “I was thinking about how much I appreciate you,” rather than, “Where are you?” and “Who are you with?”

Ms. Ambert, Mr. Play and Mr. Frias are all members of Hacienda, an intentional sex-positive community in Bushwick. (Mr. Play is a founder .)

Hacienda Villa, one of four locations, is an unassuming brick rowhouse across from an auto-body shop. Below the open concept kitchen-living room where 14 roommates have house meetings about chores, is a basement where events like Learn to Love Oral Sex: Tips from a Real Sex Worker (open to the public) and Second-Base Brunch (members only) are held.

“There’s a lot of sex problems in the world, like harassment,” Mr. Play said of the community’s mission. “We’re trying to engineer a way to coexist and celebrate sex without harming each other.”

He, Ms. Ambert, and Mr. Frias were currently in the process of contemplating a practice new to many of their open-minded friends and acquaintances: raising children.

“We’re in an extremely happy situation, and yet with a future that’s uncertain,” said Mr. Frias, 41, who is discussing starting a family with Ms. Ambert. “Being married and having kids in a V, I don’t know anyone else personally who’s done it.”

The idea was spurred during a conversation between Mr. Play and Ms. Ambert. It started much like any couple’s might, with Ms. Ambert saying she wanted children sooner rather than later, and Mr. Play hesitating.

Then Mr. Frias was in the picture. Like Ms. Ambert, he, too, wants children.

It was precisely her quality of “accepting people exactly as they are,” without trying to curtail their individual desires, that makes talk of such a long-term commitment possible, he said. “I’m not trying to change anything about her, and she’s not trying to change anything about me,” he added.

And those are just the emotional perks, said Mr. Play, who is coming around to the idea of helping raise children who aren’t his own. “Three incomes. Three parents. No one feels like they’re drowning in responsibility,” he said. “And the kid, surrounded by more loving adults.”

“I think this is really beneficial — a good life hack.”

Yael Malka is a photographer and artist raised in the Bronx and now based in Brooklyn. Alice Hines is a writer in New York City.

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