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butididntpourthewhiskeys · 3 years

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L O V E B O U N D

“Christmasbound III”

I know many of you never thought this day would come, but I’m glad to be back with our three favorites. please be kind, as I drafted this within a day. I genuinely hope you’ll like it. merry christmas from the fam xx

“And if you’re ever tired of being known for who you know you know, you’ll always know me. Dorothea. Uh uh”

She keeps her eyes closed, feels the warm and soft material underneath her huge headphones that cover the entirety of her ears. Surrounded by blankets and curtains, hanging right from her opened closet, Taylor feels the same warmth she’s always felt when recording music. Under normal circumstances, this would’ve been in a professional setting. A recording studio with narrow walls and acoustic matts covering the walls.

This little home studio in her closet certainly doesn’t compare.

With her eyes still closed, Taylor moves her head with the beat of the music, mindlessly reaches for the headphones. She doesn’t have to open her eyes, doesn’t have to be able to hear the slightest noise beneath the music to know exactly that someone is making their way to her. It’s instinctive, it’s natural.

With the huge headphones now in her hands, Taylor stops the recording on her laptop that is placed on the little table on her right side and then slowly turns around. She smiles. Her five, almost six year old child is standing in the room. She’s barefoot. Her long Pajama pants covering her petite legs. Blonde and curly hair in all directions, obviously in need for a cuddle with her momma as she rubs her puffy eyes and walks straight towards her mom.

“Mornin’ honey.” Taylor just mumbles into the warm neck, a little laugh escaping her lips as she already feels Eleanor hugging her neck so tight. A tiny head is now placed on her shoulders. She sighs in her low voice, seems to be in her half asleep dreamland state. Taylor breathes her baby girl in, slowly rubs her small back up and down. This just never changes.

“How did you sleep?” Taylor asks her quietly, slowly pulls back to squish the tired and warm cheeks and presses a big kiss onto them a few times. Eleanor just stands there, obviously still tired.

“Good.” she says, her eyes on her momma’s big microphone in the midst of the bedroom. Taylor knows that this is as weird for Eleanor as it is for her. After all she’s never recorded an album from home. Eleanor knows that her mom writes songs on the piano or on the guitar sometimes, but this whole technical set- up is yet another thing that has become Eleanor’s new reality. This global pandemic really has brought many changes into the little girls life.

“What are you singing?” she says quietly, still looking up to the big round microphone on the stand where her mom is sitting.

“I’m recording this song I wrote, called Dorothea.”

Eleanor looks at Taylor with big eyes, the same big blue eyes she knows from someone else so well and nods slowly. Taylor laughs.

“Who is Dorothea?” she asks then and Taylor grins.

“That’s a good question. She’s a beautiful girl who’s moved away from the little old town she grew up in and became famous, and everyone knows her.”

The blonde signer can already see in the five year old’s face that this conversation won’t go anywhere. Eleanor nods distracted, as Taylor places the headphones on the table next to her and pulls Eleanor onto her lap.

“Breakfast?”

Eleanor nods. Taylor slowly gets up, the big girl on her arms while making her way out of the bedroom and down the stairs. Eleanor slowly cuddles herself once more into her arms and Taylor doesn’t complain. Currently, she absorbs every second of this clingy and cuddly phase that her daughter is going through. Taylor immediately has to think of the words of her pediatrician from the other week ago. This current global crisis is a big mystery for children. Everyone wears masks. No more playing with friends. No leaving the house anymore. How scary this must be for someone who doesn’t understand the world yet? Taylor knows that Eleanor has every reason to be clingy and needy of her mom during this time. And she enjoys this phase more than she ever thought she would. Back when Eleanor was a baby, she would sometimes dream about what it would be like to have a child who can play by herself, use the bathroom by herself, eat by herself. Now that her baby girl is in her last year of pre- school, Taylor realizes that time is just a construct and that every cuddle and every hug is only temporary. But it’s appreciated. So incredibly appreciated.

“Are you looking forward to your ladybug class today?” Taylor whispers into Eleanor’s ears and the little girl nods excitedly, just as Taylor places her on the marble counter right downstairs in the kitchen. Taylor grins, slowly opens the fridge.

“Today we have to bring our favorite teddy bear and I want to bring Benji.” Eleanor says excitedly, as Taylor just looks at her daughter and laughs.

“Don’t you think Miss Clarkson will know that he’s a real life cat and not a teddy bear?” Taylor says amusedly while pouring some oat milk into a little cup right on the stove. In her light blue pajamas, just like Eleanor’s, Taylor brings the milk to heat up and looks back at the curly head who’s already playing with the little miniature dolls she left on the counter last night.

“No because daddy always says Benji is a little bear!” Eleanor says laughing, seems to be more than excited about her clever idea. And if her dad says so, then it has to be right. Taylor grins at her baby girl while preparing her hot chocolate. She knows exactly how important Joe’s words are for the little girl. Eleanor is already focused on her little dolls again, seems to have almost forgotten that Taylor is in the room with her, and sings quietly while playing around.

“Here’s your hot chocolate.” Taylor says, pronouncing the last two words in an extra British way to make her daughter laugh. Eleanor takes the big cup with the kitties on the front right from her, and pulls out her tongue laughing. Taylor just laughs as well, both her hands on her head fixing the little curls.

"Mummy, it’s hot chocolate.” the five year old replies, automatically switched to her British accent, loves to correct her mum when it comes to pronouncing words the British way. Taylor will never be less impressed by the fact that her child is able to switch accents perfectly within the matter of five seconds. A perk of having multinational parents and growing up in two countries at the same time.

“My little British baby.” Taylor grins, then steals Eleanor’s forehead a kiss.

“Mommy, can we go to the park today with daddy?”

Taylor doesn’t say anything for a second, fixes Eleanor’s strand of hair before letting go off her. She stands right in front of the counter where Eleanor is sitting and slurping her hot cocoa. Taylor just quietly nods and Eleanor’s eyes seem to light up just within a few seconds.

“We have to speak to daddy anyways today and see what we’re gonna do for Christmas this year.”

“Mommy can we please celebrate with daddy and grandma?” Eleanor immediately says, places the mug next to her and starts pulling on her mom’s pajama shirt. Taylor knows this version of Eleanor too well. Whenever she really wants something she becomes all clingy and impatient. Taylor just sighs.

“Baby, we can’t celebrate all together because of covid. I explained that to you before.” Taylor says carefully, looks into Eleanor’s pouty face in the hope to find understanding.

“I promised you that you will see daddy and grandma for Christmas, we just... haven’t worked out a concrete plan yet.”

Eleanor doesn’t seem to understand what her mom just said, but she nods. The same pout as before. This quarantine situation is hard on Eleanor. Taylor knows that too well.

“Okay.” Eleanor just mouths quietly. Taylor smiles silently. Within a few seconds, her lips are meeting the tiny forehead again. Lips pressed against the soft skin, she kisses her daughter a few times, whispering a low “I love you” in between. Eleanor replies as lightly as always and Taylor helps her jump down from the counter. She quickly encounters Olivia and Benjamin who just made their way to the kitchen to greet the little girl that just got up. Taylor smiles at Eleanor and her quirky way of speaking with the cats. Just like siblings. It makes her laugh sometimes.

“Okay, Liv. You can play with me but you can’t steal my wedding dress again.” Eleanor says in all seriousness to Olivia as the two cats and the little girl disappear up the stairs. Taylor looks amusedly after them, slowly makes her way to the coffee machine and reaches for her phone that she left here this morning when she made herself coffee number one. With her favorite baby blue cup under the coffee machine, she presses the button and waits a few seconds. Her eyes wander onto her phone screen. Right on top of the background picture of Eleanor in the snow, Taylor reads the texts she missed from her friend Martha. Once Eleanor is with Joe, she definitely needs a class of wine and a good catch up session with her friends.

“Did you put on your warm socks?”

“Yes.”

“Good.” Taylor yells back upstairs at her daughter, as she crunches down to grab the cat treats that are buried in the depths of her kitchen drawer. She immediately sees a very excited Benjamin come closer. Taylor grins at him.

“Of course you are the first one to be in line for treats huh.” she grins, immediately pets him on his head before feeding him.

Just when Taylor was about to close the drawer again, she can hear the doorbell ring. Within a matter of seconds, a very excited Eleanor storms downstairs. Taylor gets up, checks the little screen in the kitchen and feels her stomach churn. It’s always like that, every week when he stands in her front door. The black and white security camera still managing to point out his kind eyes, his voluminous hair, his effortlessness. He’s wearing his thick APC coat. The one he wore years ago when they first met. She still can’t believe he won’t get rid of it, has pointed this out to him multiple times already.

“It’s daddy!” Eleanor yells, and Taylor can already hear Joe’s quiet laugh. Of course there’s never a time when Eleanor simply leaves with Joe and not makes her face him in the doorway. Taylor just approaches Eleanor who’s standing in front of the opened door, looking back at her mum, waiting patiently for her to join her here. Sometimes, Taylor could almost think that she does this on purpose. That she makes sure Taylor has to face her dad every time he comes around to pick her up.

Within a few seconds, Taylor stands in front of him now too, her hand stroking over Eleanor’s wool beanie. The little girl is fully dressed for the winter park, her tiny green jacket matching her cream- colored beanie. Joe almost has no time to face Taylor, because Eleanor is already attacking him, jumping onto his arms to hug him tightly. He immediately picks the small girl up and spins her around a few times, groaning into her ears how much he missed her, placing a little kiss on top of he beanie on her head. Just when he slowly lets her back down to the ground is when Joe has the time to face Taylor. For once. She just stands there in her cream colored onesie, the one she used to hang out around the house with even back when they were still together. Her feet still wear the same weird fox slippers he used to make fun of. Her hair loosely hanging from the little bun in her neck. She’s not well put together, looks exactly the way only he used to see her around the house. And Joe hates it. He hates that she faces him today, looking like this again. Looking the way she did the first time he stayed over at her place in New York years ago. Not trying at all. Making him feel things he promised himself after last Christmas, to never feel again. Store them under the bed, right in the little box of his past and to lock her up, right in there. And make sure they won’t creep up again, the way they do right now.

“Hey.” she mumbles, a polite smile escaping her mouth. Joe takes a breath, looks at Eleanor to distract himself for a bit, before looking back up at her again. Facing her has never been easy since last year. But he’s getting better at it.

“Hey, I didn’t see you last time.” he already blurts out, has no clue why his nervous mouth has to just babble like this, without taking into consideration that it makes him look a bit weird and... nervous. Taylor seems just as uncomfortable as he is, laughs insecurely once more, then scratches the back of her head while standing in the doorway.

“Yeah, I was on a meeting last time you picked her up so..”

Joe just nods. He shouldn’t have said what he said before. Things are already awkward enough between them.

“Ready to leave, monkey?” He asks Eleanor, who is now sitting on the floor right next to the open door, putting her winter boots on. She nods immediately, seems to struggle a bit with her shoe laces, but is way too excited to sit still while looking at the big dog next to Joe. Taylor smiles. Eleanor loves Flint as much as the cats, always has and always will.

“Yes, daddy. Can I hold Flint again, later?”

“Of course. He’s so happy to see you too.” Joe mumbles with a smile on his face, crouches down to pet the big old golden retriever.

“Mummy, can you join us too?” Eleanor pouts, looking up at her mum from the floor.

Taylor laughs nervously a third time today, just shakes her head no. She can feel Joe’s stare in her neck, knows exactly why he’s so quiet all of the sudden.

“Honey, I told you I have some more work to do.”

“But mummy..” Eleanor pouts again, becoming as whiny as always when she wants something and Taylor just sighs.

“It’s good to get some fresh air. Especially now with the whole quarantine thing.” Joe says lightly, and Taylor turns to look at him. She knows his look and he knows hers.

He tried this before.

And so did she.

“I don’t know, I think it’s Eleanor and Daddy time, and…”

“No mummy, please. We can play with Flint together!” Eleanor tries again, now stands fully upright with her winter jacket and red boots next to her, and reaches for her mom’s hand. Taylor just sighs again, looks at Joe once more. She’s rolling her eyes and it makes Joe laugh. He just smiles, knows exactly how good their daughter is at getting what she wants, but makes sure not to look into Taylor’s eyes for too long. It feels like a welcoming distraction when Eleanor suddenly gets closer to him, lets herself fall onto his side once more, just hugging her dad’s leg before petting Flint again.

“Look mummy, he wants you to come with us.” Eleanor persists, points at Flint who just looks up at Tay. This old dog knows as well what the little girl is trying here.

Taylor just shakes her head and laughs. Eleanor definitely has that from her.

“Alright, if dad doesn’t mind..”

“He doesn’t.” Joe grins, and Taylor just nods, takes a step back to signal him that they can come back inside the house for a minute, just until she’s ready.

“Let me just put on some clothes, I’ll be back in a second.” she mumbles, already starts walking upstairs. Joe just closes the big door behind him, feels the warmth of this house and already smells the sandalwood candles coming from the kitchen. It smells like something he used to know so well. It smells like home.

“Daddy, come look at my pre- school folder.” Eleanor runs off yelling for him. With Flint next to him, Joe just laughs at his daughter.

“Darling, my shoes are a bit dirty from outside, I don’t..”

“Please daddy!” Eleanor calls him from the kitchen already. Joe quickly takes his shoes off with one hand, then makes his way into the kitchen. He has to swallow for a second as his eyes fall onto the picture frames placed upon the chimney. All the black and white pictures of the little baby girl. Taylor and Eleanor in the hospital bed. Benjamin and Eleanor on her first birthday. Pictures he took. Pictures that once meant the world to him. And she’s kept it all, certainly made this place a home.

“Daddy, look, I made this yesterday.” She squirms excitedly, holds the folder right in front of Joe. She’s fully clothed and ready for the cold. Joe has to laugh at her excitement to show him what she’s made.

“Wow, darling.” He just mumbles, is already crouching down to get a better look at her art project. A big rainbow fish, filled with glitter and confetti decorates the cover. In the middle of the front page, it says Eleanor Alwyn. Pre- School Class of 2020. He couldn’t be prouder.

“Look, this is a picture of me and mummy in lockdown.” she explains once Joe has opened the first page. He can’t help but smile.

“What are you two doing?” He asks.

“We’re watching a Christmas movie, look!” she says, her tiny finger pointing to what seems to be the television. He can’t help but laugh again, slowly turns his head to press a kiss onto her small face. There are no words for how much he loves this little girl.

“Have you and mum watched many of these this year?”

“Yes!” she just answers, and Joe laughs. Just in that moment, Taylor comes back into the room and sees the two crouching on the kitchen floor with her art folder. Flint is just sitting next to them, looking less excited about the scenery than Joe.

“I’m ready.” she just mumbles, and Joe looks up at her. He’s still smiling, seems to love what Eleanor is showing him.

“Are you showing daddy your pre- school folder?” Taylor laughs, as Joe looks up at her. He seems to catch himself becoming emotional, and slowly gets up.

“I’m so impressed what you two have been doing in quarantine.” He says with a smirk and Taylor can’t help but laugh as well.

“We’ve been very productive, haven’t we?” Taylor says and Eleanor nods, seems to not have understood the sarcasm between her parents.

“Ready?” Joe asks, looks at Taylor with a questioning look. Instead of getting dressed, she just threw a massive puff jacket over her onesie, a pair of black boots replacing the fox slippers and her blonde hair right under the grey beanie.

“Yeah, I was too lazy to get dressed so…”

“Alright, let’s go.” Joe mumbles, doesn’t comment her choice of outfit any further. Within a few seconds, they have left the house, started walking right into Camberbatch Road, and down the little lane to get closer to Hampstead Park. Whilst today was one of the coldest days so far, the sun is still up, sometimes disappearing behind the thick clouds, but steadily there. Making sure to come back and warm up this cold world at least for some time.

Eleanor has been as chatty as always when Joe picks her up to go for a walk in the park. For the first few minutes she’s been walking hand in hand with her dad, telling him about today’s class and how excited her class mates on Zoom have been when Benjamin showed up as her teddy bear. Taylor just listens quietly to their conversation and smiles. It’s been a good idea to get some fresh air, even if things with Joe are still more than awkward.

“Has he been sitting still?” Joe asks Eleanor, who immediately starts laughing, throws her head against her dad’s arm just being silly.

“No.” She laughs and so does Joe. He looks at Taylor and she grins as well.

“I mean what would you expect of Benji, huh?”

“Nothing less.” Joe answers.

A few minutes later the the three have reached the beginning of the Heath and the five year old girl impatiently starts to reach for Flint’s leash. She is getting more and more impatient the closer they came to the big park. Joe quickly stops and then crouches down to be able to properly look at his daughter.

“Alright bug, be careful and come back to me if another dog comes along, alright?” he asks and Eleanor excitedly nods, as Joe gives her Flint’s leash. Whilst the dog is almost her height, Eleanor confidently starts to run off onto the grass together with Flint by her side. Despite her huge puff jacket, she’s able to run as fast as humanly possible. Joe looks after them, can’t help but laugh quietly as well.

“Her confidence is everything.” Taylor mumbles while looking after her daughter, making Joe smirk.

“She’s done this many times, she can handle him.”

“Oh yeah I know, I.. I didn’t mean that.” She quickly adds and Joe nods, has no clue where the sudden awkwardness is coming from. He simply stares on the ground, can’t dare to look up to her or even right into her face. All he does is look at his feet, how his big winter boots are walking right on the cold ground. There’s not many people around, but more people than usually, two days before Christmas.

“So how are you?” Joe then asks, lifts up his head to look at what’s right in front of him, sees Eleanor and Flint playing and running on the fields at Hampstead Heath. Just like he did when he was Eleanor’s age. Right on the same grass. A nice circle that’s closing for him.

“I’m good. What about you? How has quarantine been treating you?” She asks, feels his slight laugh, even if she doesn’t look at him.

“It’s been fine. Just really annoying that we’re going back to Tier 4 again.” he mumbles, is more than happy that coronavirus is once more a great small talk topic to avoid awkward silences.

Taylor immediately nods, then even dares to look up at him while walking through the park.

“Ugh I know. This year has been such a mess.” she mumbles and Joe immediately nods.

“It really has been. I’m glad you two are staying safe not traveling.” Joe then says and dares to look at Taylor for the first time today. Taylor looks back at him, then sinks her head covered in her grey beanie once more. She knows exactly how he meant his last statement, and it’s hard for her to take. To feel how much he cares. For both of them. Still.

“Of course. It’s impossible for us to fly around during this time, especially cause pre- school has been extending their classes to make sure the kids are busy until things go back to normal. So it’s been great for her to have a daily schedule to see her friends.” Taylor says, looks at Eleanor who’s no more than a hundred meters away from both of them, running wild with Flint, who seems to barely be able to keep up with her. This poor old dog.

“Absolutely. You’re.. you’re doing a fantastic job being home with her 24/7. I... I hope you know that if it gets too much, you can just drop her off for a few days and I’ll keep her busy.”

Taylor looks at Joe and smiles. He’s never offered this to her since they’ve been in lockdown, and it’s more appreciated than he can imagine. With her bare face, Taylor smiles at him, her breath visible in front of her face due to the cold.

“Thanks, I think I might actually have to take on that offer.” She says, a laughing breath of air escaping her. Joe looks up at her once more, a bit confused.

“It’s exhausting to keep her busy 24/7. I’ve been trying to work, but...”

“Taylor, seriously, I live two kilometers away, why didn’t you ask me...”

Taylor wants to interrupt him and explain herself, but she knows too well that there’s no reason for her not calling him. There’s no reason why she didn’t ask for his help, why she didn’t simply put Eleanor in a car and let her stay at his house for a while. There is no reason, and it’s the first time that she realizes that herself might be the only reason for the distance between them right now.

“I... I didn’t know this is something you’d want to do.” She says then, knowing damn well that she’s lying.

“Of course, just... just have her stay with me for a few days after Christmas if you want.” Taylor doesn’t interrupt him, just nods as they continue walking down the Heath. The trees look so sad, have lost their leaves months ago already. Rotten and almost forgotten, do these leaves now remain on the ground, buried under the footprints of the endless amounts of people walking down this park this winter, trying to escape the prison of quarantine. Taylor has noticed before how many people have started going on hikes, connecting with nature again to escape being home all the time. A crazy dynamic for the world they’re all living in.

“Speaking of Christmas,” she then says, kind of happy that she’s been able to change topics.

“So as you probably know, there’s no way we can visit my parents this year or vice versa so I wanted to ask if it’s fine for you if Eleanor and me celebrate at my house on Christmas Eve and Boxing Day and a day later if you want, you can have her for a few days?” she asks, as Joe already looks up at her with a confused look.

“So you want to be alone with Eleanor for Christmas basically?” he asks again, and Taylor can already hear the mood changing in his voice. She really doesn’t want this to turn into an argument, she doesn’t want to disagree with Joe while having a conversation with him for the first time in months.

“I mean we’re in quarantine. The government literally told us to...”

“Tay, she’s five.” Joe suddenly interrupts her, and Taylor doesn’t know what hurts her more. The fact that he called her Tay, which is what only her closest people call her or the fact that he seems upset. She can feel that in his voice.

“She’s five years old and she’s got her dad and her uncles and her grandparents live.. a few meters away. I mean I appreciate that you want to keep her safe but we’re all getting tested tomorrow morning and I really want her to at least have a good Christmas especially in such a shitty year.”

Taylor doesn’t say anything, feels Joe becoming quieter and looking back at her.

“I just...”

“I want you to join as well.” he then suddenly blurts out, and within a matter of seconds, Taylor’s stops and looks at him in confusion. Joe turns around to her, his hands buried in his jacket. It’s freezing and he’s never been happier for the pockets in his black jacket.

“Joe, I... I appreciate you..”

“No Tay, I’m serious. I don’t want you and Eleanor be all alone on Christmas. Not her and not you. It’s... we’re....”

She can feel him search for words and it already pains her. He hasn’t said it yet and she doesn’t want him to. She knows what’s coming. She knows it too well.

“In some ways we’re still a family and I just don’t want you to sit alone in this house on Christmas Day. With or without Eleanor and...”

“Joe.” Taylor says. Her hand on his arm, she was just about to say something as Eleanor comes running by, seems more than upset. Immediately, Joe understands the situation. Flint has run off, right up to a couple with a small dog. Joe whistles twice and Flint quickly comes running back. “Did he run off?” Joe asks her, as Eleanor just nods quietly. Within a few seconds, Taylor has crouched down onto Eleanor’s height, takes her into her arms. Joe looks confused at the two, only then realized that Eleanor fell when Flint was running off.

“Oh darling, did you hurt yourself?” he asks as Taylor already signals him that the fall wasn’t that bad. Just when she lets go off Eleanor, the little girl hugs her dad once more, crocodile tears falling down her cheeks.

“I hurt my hand” she sobs, and Joe immediately reaches for the slightly bruised and cold hand and kisses it a few times, warming her up.

“My poor little angel.” he mumbles and Eleanor hugs her dad again, placing her head on his shoulders. Taylor can’t help but swallow down a laugh. Eleanor loves to be dramatic, another thing she’s got from her mother. And this little girl also enjoys her dad’s attention more than anything in this world.

“Look, there’s Flint.” Joe then says, just when the dog came running back. Eleanor quickly lets go of Joe and looks at the dog with an upset face.

“You hurt me when you ran off, Flint.” Eleanor says as dramatic as she can be and Taylor as well as Joe try their hardest to stay serious.

“I think he’s sorry, isn’t he..” Joe mumbles and pets the confused dog a bit. Eleanor also seems to calm down slowly and runs her hand over the dog’s head a few times.

“It’s okay, Flinty.” she then mumbles and Joe laughs, moves his head to kiss her head once more.

“Come on, let’s keep walking together.” Joe says and Eleanor keeps walking next to her dad, hand in hand. After a few minutes, she lets go off his hand once more and runs off. Taylor just looks at her mini- me and smiles.

How quickly to forget, as a child. How easy to leave a situation and simply move on.

“Alright, alright. One hot chocolate with caramel and whip cream for miss E.” Joe repeats with a laugh on his face, taking his face mask out of his pockets while letting go off Eleanor’s little hand.

“What can I get you?” He asks Taylor. It’s slowly getting dark outside and they’ve made it back, are now standing in front of the little Starbucks located in the heart of Hampstead Village. Just three shops are open at the moment, offering hot beverages and meals for take away. He can see in Taylor’s make up free face how cold she is. Her cheeks are red and her hands are buried in her own puff jacket pockets. She certainly needs a drink to warm up as much as he does.

“Mhm maybe…”

“Skinny Caramel Latte?”

Taylor looks at him, can’t help but smile. She can’t believe he still knows her so well.

“Sounds good.”

Joe laughs, winks at her and disappears inside. Taylor looks after him, waiting outside. It’s hard for her to believe sometimes how he hasn’t changed at all. He still knows every little detail of her by heart, and so does she. But maybe, just maybe, he has changed? Maybe he has been able to change for all the reasons she wanted him to, exactly a year ago. A year ago, when she had a piece of what she once knew. A piece of Joe, something she had to leave behind once more. For her, but even more for Eleanor.

Taylor slowly crouches down to Eleanor, who stands next to Flint and carefully pets his head.

“Are you cold?” Taylor asks her quietly, but Eleanor shakes her head. She’s exhausted and tired from all the running around and fresh air she’s had today. Taylor can sense that. After the sugar crash from her hot chocolate, Eleanor will certainly sleep well tonight. A gift for her mother also.

“That was such a fun day with dad, huh?” Taylor asks with an uplifted voice, and Eleanor nods as well. Something is upsetting her. Taylor can sense this immediately.

Wrapped up in her big jacket and beanie covering her ears, Eleanor just stands there. She’s become so quiet since the last few minutes, just strokes Flint’s head up and down.

“What’s up, baby?” Taylor says quietly, enjoys being so close to her that nobody can hear her but Eleanor.

Taylor doesn’t get an answer, just witnesses how the corners of Eleanor’s mouth are slowly drooping. In slight shock, Taylor just takes Eleanor into her arms. The little girl starts crying for a second time today, but this time it’s not because she’s hurt her hand.

“Baby, what’s.. what’s going on? Why are you sad?” Taylor just asks, a bit worried, her hand immediately in her beanie, comforting the cold little girl in her arms. Eleanor slowly lets go off Taylor’s chest and just stares at her mommy. She immediately wipes away the little tears from Eleanor’s cheeks with her thumbs.

“I don’t want daddy to go home.”

Taylor feels a punch in her stomach. She knew it. She could’ve known that this would happen.

“Honey, daddy is first of all getting you a hot chocolate and then..”

“And then he will go home but I don’t want him to go home.” she gets whiny again, and Taylor doesn’t answer, just kisses the cheeky little face a few times. When Taylor and Joe spent time together over Christmas last year, Eleanor had a similar breakdown. And Taylor knows why. It brings back old memories of mommy and daddy together with her. It brings back memories of dad leaving. Memories of her moving into a different house. A house where daddy isn’t living at anymore.

“I promise you, we will see daddy in a few days. Okay?”

Eleanor doesn’t answer, and Taylor feels her heart breaking once more.

This was never what she wanted. This was never what she wanted that day, when Eleanor was laying on her bare chest, opening her eyes for the first time. This was never part of all the promises she gave to the little girl in her arms.

Just when Taylor was about to comfort her once more, Joe comes out of the shop again, a little brown craft tray with three cups in his hands. As he takes off his mask, he can see Eleanor’s face and the wet little cheeks coming out of the beanie and warm jacket she’s wearing. He can see Taylor’s look. He can feel it up his spine.

“Hey, love. Your hot chocolate.” He just gently says, crouches down to Eleanor just like Taylor did. Eleanor is not crying anymore, but she seems sad. Joe feels that.

“Is everything alright?” He asks, and Eleanor just falls into another hug with him. Joe almost drops the little paper tray, as Taylor takes it from him within a few seconds, holding Flint’s leash in her other hand as well. Joe just hugs his little daughter back, is obviously confused.

“Sweetheart..”

“Daddy, can you stay with us tonight..”

“Eleanor!” Taylor interrupts her, as Joe just signals Taylor he’s handling this.

“Darling, why do you want that?” He whispers into her ear. Eleanor just looks up at him, still whining.

“Because you always go home after we played with Flint.” She says, Joe knows exactly what she means.

“That’s cause it’s almost dark, my love.” He says, holding her head in his hands. He slowly kisses her forehead once, and then her lips.

“How about we go home and have our hot chocolate, and then if it’s fine with mummy we can play in your room a bit longer, huh?” Joe says to comfort Eleanor, already got a comforting nod from Taylor. She just stands there, feels shattered for the hundredth time since they’ve been doing this. It’s certainly not the first time that Eleanor is reacting like this after they’ve spent time together. Taylor knows that she misses him. That Eleanor remembers what it was like when dad didn’t have to “go home” and her sleeping place was right between both of them. It’s rare but these are the moments in which Taylor feels like she failed. Feels like she’s been telling herself and Eleanor a big fat lie. The lie that being separated from Joe, would be the right thing. The lie that Joe is the one who brings uncertainty into her life. A lie that’s been reality for her for so many months on end.

She can’t and won’t forget that.

Joe slowly gets up, kisses Eleanor’s cold little mouth one more time.

“Daddy might live somewhere else, but I’m never gone. You can always visit me, and I will always visit you.”

Eleanor immediately reaches for her hot chocolate that Taylor is giving to her and nods. She seems to be happy with his answer - for now. She nips on the cup one time, her eyes still puffy from her tears.

“Good?” Joe asks and she nods.

“Good.” She answers and he laughs quietly. She already has a chocolate mustache in her face.

Joe can’t dare to look at Taylor’s face again, just takes his coffee from the tray in her hands as they slowly start walking home. For the rest of the walk, Taylor is quiet. A bit too quiet for his taste. He knows how she feels, can feel it through her wool beanie and puff jacket. She feels guilty. She feels guilty for something she shouldn’t feel guilty about.

Just when the three arrive at the front door of the big house, Taylor takes out the key from her pockets and opens up. Eleanor is busy telling Joe about her friend Rosie’s doll house that she misses playing with and how she wishes that Santa Claus would get her the same.

Taylor still says nothing. Joe slowly gets in, looks at Taylor who just closes the door.

“Do you want me to put Flint into…”

“Oh yeah, let me get him some water and we can have him wait downstairs. I think the cats would..”

“Yeah sounds great.” Joe says, and thankfully passes Flint on the leash to Taylor. After all, the cats have never got along well with him and they shouldn’t be risking the animals getting into a fight tonight.

Joe just watches her immediately walk off with him, takes off his shoes himself.

The steps on the staircase creak louder than he intended, slowly makes his way downstairs. Joe is only wearing black socks, his jeans and long sleeve casually covering his upper body. He slowly glances into the living room, can see the big flat screen tv running, but Taylor is nowhere to be seen. Candles on the coffee tableare lit, the little lamp at the end of the big living room turned on, lighting up the room in the most cozy way. He smiles. Taylor always knew how to make a place a home. As he takes a few more steps into the living room, Joe suddenly realizes that Taylor is passed out on the couch, her back facing him from where he stands. He slowly walks up to the tv, doesn’t want to startle her. He remains silent. Taylor is hugging one of the big orchid colored pillows, sleeps silently. The fresh air today seems to have not just helped Eleanor pass out faster than usual - it has made her tired as well. Joe doesn’t move, just looks at her sleeping. This has always been his weakness. Her most angelic state, asleep, right next to him. Joe slowly moves, places his hand on her arm, trying to wake her up gently.

“Hey, Tay..”

After a second, Tay wakes up and is startled. She quickly sits up, looks at him confusedly and Joe grins. He knows that look too well. She’s always needed a second to come back to life after being asleep.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to…”

“Oh, no no.” she quickly says, scratches her head on the side she’s been laying on. This side of her face has imprinted the pattern of the pillow. Joe smirks, but doesn’t say anything.

“I’m.. I’m sorry, I just passed out.”

Joe nods softly.

“No problem, I just wanted to let you know that Eleanor’s asleep as well. We were playing with her dolls and it took her half an hour to pass out on the carpet. So I just tucked her to bed. Hope that’s alright…”

“Yeah, perfect. Thank you so much.” she says.

“Alright, I’m going to get going then.” Joe says. Taylor was about to get up to accompany him to the door as she realizes that they haven’t finished speaking about Christmas.

“Oh, uhm Joe, can we.. can we quickly speak about Christmas before you leave?” She asks. Joe immediately nods, casually comes around to where she’s sitting and lets himself fall onto the place next to her, right on the big and comfy couch.

“I almost forgot, you’re right.”

“I just…” Tay turns down the volume of the tv and looks at him. “Joe, I just wanted to say that… that first of all…”

He can see that she’s thought this through, watches her play with her hands in nervousness while speaking. He knows her too well for her to hide anything. He knows every gesture, every look, every single detail of her body language. She is nervous. She is looking for the right way to say whatever she needs to say.

“First of all, I appreciate your kindness. So much. In.. in you thinking of me and wanting to invite me for Christmas, but..”

“But?”

“But I really thought about this earlier, and I came to the decision that I want you and Eleanor to celebrate together with your family like you did last year. I really am fine being home with the cats. I’m going to FaceTime my family, watch a movie and go to bed. I think this year the circumstances are even weirder than last year, so I would really prefer to lay low and…”

“May I.. may I say something?”

Taylor looks at him a bit confused, is not used to him interrupting her in this way.

“Uhm, sure.”

“I spoke to my family about this a lot. About how weird things have been between my parents and you. I mean.. you haven’t seen them since Christmas last year and we both know how weird the circumstances were.” He says, referring to the last Christmas. The last time they’ve seen each other. Back when she and Joe were repeating old patterns, making old mistakes. Back then, when she begged him so much to change. Begged him to undo the past years.

Taylor looks at him in shock, thinking about the fact that his family has been speaking about her. She has no idea where this is going, but she surely knows that her hands are getting sweatier the second they speak.

“And… Tay, I…” he stops again, looks at the insides of his hands. She’s barely experienced Joe like this. The only time he’s searched for words was when he asked her to marry him, years ago, years before Eleanor was in the picture and she turned him down. Bits and pieces of their history coming up in her while he sits there, as handsome as always, speaking to her.

“I know a lot happened between us, but.. this year, more than ever, I realized that you and me we will always be family. You.. you’re Eleanor’s mum. You’re my daughter’s mother. And I want us to achieve what we didn’t manage to achieve last year. Being friends. Being family. I just.. I wish we could be fine again.”

Taylor feels goosebumps coming up, immediately nods. She relates to what he says. They will forever be connected. They will forever have to see each other. And things certainly would be easier, if they were cool with each other and she wouldn’t have to go into hiding whenever he comes to pick up his daughter.

“I know, Joe. Me too, really.”

“And actually, it was my mum’s idea. She.. she asked me to speak to you. And to ask if you want to come over on Christmas Eve. As I said, we will all get tested tomorrow so we can make sure everyone’s safe. I think it would mean a lot to my family to reconnect and.. especially to me.”

Taylor looks at him, and for the first time in a while, she honestly smiles. There’s no hesitation, no hiding, no underlying thought - she wanted exactly that. Even last year, she wanted nothing more than for them to be fine again, especially with his family. Eleanor’s family. And therefore, her family.

“I want to reconnect too.” She then adds, sees in Joe’s face how relieved he seems to be. He smirks the same smirk she knows too well, his blue eyes shining, shyly looks down to hide the fact that he’s indeed smiling widely. She feels a bit drunk, looking at his smile, at his shy way of sitting there again. The way he always did.

“And I.. I’m sorry, Joe.” her mouth suddenly moves. He looks up at her. “I’m sorry for.. for sleeping with you and then disappearing.” she says, can see in his face that he didn’t expect her to go there. And neither did Taylor. She nervously changes her seating position on the couch, moves her leg up under her bum, pulls the sleeves of her onesie over her knuckles, while looking into his face.

“It was wrong, I played with fire.. I think we both played with fire. But it wasn’t right of me to just disappear. I know I kept saying, I want you to change, I want you to be more grown up, more responsible, but… right now, it seems like you’re more responsible and more grown up than me.” she says softly, shrugs with her shoulders and looks into his face with every ounce of honesty. Joe doesn’t move, he nods. He’s thankful. He’s never been more thankful for anything she’s ever said to him.

“I have changed this last year, yeah.” he then adds. She looks at him, the flicker of the tv in the darkness reflecting onto his face. It’s only 8pm, yet it’s fully dark outside. A classy, depressing English winter evening. But Taylor doesn’t feel depressed anymore. Taylor sits here, and feels how warm and tingly everything in her is getting. The kind of warmth you would expect when something finally happens that you’ve been praying for a long time. She knew he had changed. She knew it every Wednesday, and every Sunday when he stood in the door, picking up Eleanor to spend time with him. She knew every time the phone rang, and Eleanor would excitedly tell him about her day for at least half an hour. Every time Eleanor would come home, happily fall into her arms, telling her about her adventures with her dad.

“I know you have.” she quietly says, a smile on her face. Joe looks up again, the mood as warm and familiar as ever. He doesn’t say anything, simply reaches for her hand. And Taylor remains quiet too, just lets him hold hers. It’s been a year. It’s been ages. It’s been a lifetime of Taylor and Joe, yet it feels like only a second since he last did this. Simply hold her hand. Just sit there, being there.

Actually being there.

“I should.. I should get going.” he then says, lets go off her. She just nods, gets up together with him. She can feel that he’s been overwhelmed. And so was she. Joe slowly walks into the hallway, and Taylor tuns on the little light, right on the side board.

“So, you.. you can get tested too if you want. Dinner’s at 6 o’clock. My mum told me to ask if you want to stay over…”

Taylor leans in the door frame, watches him put his winter boots back on. She smiles. Nothing compares to the warmth she feels at the thought of Elizabeth wanting her there. Her second mother. That’s how close they used to be years ago.

“That’s incredibly sweet but, I think I will just go home after dinner. Eleanor can sleep with you. I can come back in the morning for presents.”

Joe nods, accepts her decision fully.

“Should I.. should I bring something for dinner? I can make dessert, or..”

“No, just bring some Eleanor.” Joe jokes, Taylor laugh quietly. He can see in her eyes, what a massive relief there is. She seems so light, lighter than he’s witnessed her in years. Nothing ever made her more beautiful to him, than her most honest smile.

“Okay, will do that.”

Joe gets up, opens the big door himself.

“Alright then.” She says. Joe smiles one more time. He laughs. And so does Taylor. Things certainly are a bit awkward still.

“Come here.” he then casually mumbles and pulls her into a tight hug. Taylor doesn’t say anything, lets him hug her tight. She closes her eyes, both her hands hugging him back. She doesn’t want this hug to end. It feels better than last year. It feels more real. honest. raw. They’ve come quite a long way.

“Thank you so much.” she mumbles once more, and Joe ends the hug, smiling at her once more.

“You too.” He whispers, then slowly lets go off her and leaves the house. Taylor just stands in the doorway and watches him walk off. She waves one last time, only until he’s left the road her house is on and then closes the door.

She looks into the big mirror one last time, fixes her messed up bangs and makes sure her long sleeve cotton dress covers everything it needs to cover. The past two days have been interesting. She’s been telling her friends about this afternoon with Joe. About their holding hands, their hug, his invitation for her to join their family Christmas again. Taylor couldn’t be more thankful yet she knows that she needs to take it slow. That if they’re really onto something real and good, then this time, they need to take it extra slow.

Taylor turns around again, then perfects her red lipstick. Even though she wants ‘extra slow’, she can still look fabulous tonight.

“Honey? We need to leave.” Taylor yells upstairs, hears Eleanor answering her from the bathroom. Taylor quickly puts on her black coat, grabs her tiny handbag and walks upstairs. Just when she enters her daughter’s room is when she has to laugh. There’s tiny bits of paper everywhere, it seems that Eleanor’s self made presents have certainly taken up a lot of paper and created quite a mess in this room. But Taylor can’t be strict today. She knows how excited Eleanor is for today. And so is she.

“Ready?” Taylor asks, looks at her baby girl collecting her favorite toys for her tiny backpack that she wants to bring for her sleepover at grandma’s house.

“Yes, mommy. Look, all my presents are in here.” she says, shows her mum the little paper bag she has designed herself with all the kitten stickers on top of it. Taylor laughs, bends down to kiss Eleanor’s hair.

“Come on, put your shoes and jacket on. Brandon is outside waiting for us.” she says and Eleanor storms downstairs. A few minutes later, Taylor fixes the mask on her face before getting into the big black car where Brandon is sitting. Right next to Eleanor, Taylor feels her stomach churning. She feels as nervous as back then when she would meet his family for the first time. In a way, it feels exactly like that. It’s meeting them again since a very long time. A very long time with absolutely no contact. Filled with fears and guilt and anger.

But not tonight.

After less than fifteen minutes, the big black car stops right in front of the little brick stone house right at Budwick’s Lane. Eleanor gets out of the car, her little backpack on, as happy as ever. Taylor closes the car’s door, carries the pink bag with Eleanor’s toiletries and clothes, waving Brandon goodbye.

While Eleanor is already running up to the doors entry, Taylor feels how nauseous she suddenly gets. Standing there for a minute, she just takes a good look at the old brick stone a house, covered in ivy. The light shining out from the little hatch, right above the guest bathroom window. This house was once her first home away from home, in this country. So many memories that she feels all at once. Good and bad ones. Taylor suddenly wonders, if this was really Elizabeth’s idea? After all, she will never be able to forget Elizabeth’s angry stare a year ago at Eleanor’s theatre performance at pre- school.

Without Taylor being able to take a last deep breath, the old door opens and Richard stands there, Eleanor immediately jumping onto his arms. He hasn’t changed. He’s still Joe’s dad.

“Grandpa!” Eleanor yells, seems just as happy as Richard to see her.

“My little monkey.” he smiles, kisses the five year old on her head. Taylor just stands there, swallowing once.

“Merry Christmas.” she just says, slowly follows her daughter who’s been running off into the living room already. Richard just stands there and smiles, then does something she never expected. Within a few seconds, he just signals her to come in and pulls her into a warm hug. Just like he did back then.

“Merry Christmas, Taylor.” he says, then slowly let’s go. “You look fantastic, have you been well this year?” Taylor is certainly a bit overwhelmed by the hug, nods immediately as Richard helps her take off her jacket.

“I’m great! How are you?” she asks, just looks around and feels the greatest sensation of ‘home’ she could ever imagine. The old fireplace in the living room is lit, she can see that from the hallway. Laughter and Joe’s voice is coming from kitchen. The smell of Elizabeth’s Christmas pie. Nothing has changed.

“Oh thanks, we’re good as always. Come in, I think Elizabeth..” Taylor walks in, when just in that moment, Elizabeth stands right in front of her. This is the moment she’s been dreading the most.

“Merry Christmas!” Taylor just stutters, feels an immense amount of relief when Elizabeth smiles warmly. The sixty year old woman hasn’t changed the slightest. Her brown hair hanging down her shoulders. She quickly places the kitchen towel on the counter and walks towards Taylor.

“We’re very happy you two are joining us.” Elizabeth says, then hugs Taylor as well. But this time, the hug is slower. More honest. Taylor closes her eyes, feels how emotional she’s getting. This place, these arms, used to be family. No matter what is and no matter what has been, she couldn’t be more thankful for this peace offer from her side. As Taylor slowly let’s go, Elizabeth smiles at her warmly.

“I missed you.” she says quietly. Taylor nods immediately.

“I missed you too.”

Just when Taylor was about to say something else, Eleanor starts to pull on Taylor’s dress.

“Mummy, mummy look! Santa Claus already left me one present under the tree for tonight.” she yells excitedly. Taylor as well as everyone else in near proximity laughs quietly at the young girl’s excitement. Just when Taylor was about to crouch down to tell Eleanor how happy she is for her, is the moment when Joe suddenly stops in front of her, pulls Taylor into another hug.

But this one is making her knees go weaker than the ones before.

“I’m so glad you’re here.” he whispers, and Taylor closes her eyes. If only he knew how happy she is to be here.

After a few seconds, Joe slowly lets go and looks at her smiley face. Her cheeks are red and she seems flushed. He knew it would mean the world to her to finally leave behind the conflict she had with his family.

“I’m glad to be here too.” she smiles at him, as Joe slowly takes her hand and walks into the living room with her. Right next to the big Christmas tree that is lit up with dozens of little lights, Taylor can see Patrick and Tom stand there with Nicole and two other people. A bit confused, Taylor just lets him take her by the hand.

“I’m so happy that you get to finally meet Naomi.” he then says, comes to a full stop with Taylor right in front of the brunette woman. With long brown hair and the most stunning smile, Naomi gives Taylor the hand and smiles warmly.

“Taylor, so nice to finally meet you.” she says and Taylor feels like someone just ripped out her stomach and put it back in again. With shaky hands, Taylor forces herself to smile back at the woman, looks more than confused at Joe. He seems so nervous, carefully places his hand on Naomi’s back, his gentle eyes looking at the brunette girl, ensuring she’s doing fine. Taylor feels like fainting, uses all the power within her to remain standing. Right here, in this living room, where she was once the one meeting family. Right here, where she was once the one being looked after by his kind eyes. The living room in which their daughter celebrated almost every Christmas so far.

“Nice to meet you too.” Taylor then brings out, is more than proud of herself for having been able to say these few words.

Shocked but more than angry at herself, Taylor looks at Naomi and back at Joe. How stupid she was, to think that his peace offer was for more than them reconnecting. He wanted to them to be civil. He wanted to finally close the chapter Taylor.

How stupid she was.

Taylor immediately looks at Eleanor, who pulls once more on her dress. Taylor never thought she could be so happy to be interrupted by her daughter, but she is. She is thankful for every second, in which she doesn’t have to face Naomi or Joe or worse - them both together.

“I’m so glad you’re here. I was so nervous to meet you, so... wow I’m really embarrassing right now.” Naomi says to Taylor, who’s now looking up at her again. Taylor swallows, fakes her nicest smile. And she’s doing quite well so far. She’s doing well, up until she sees Joe’s soft laugh, and his hand that is right on her back again, stroking her up and down.

“Tay, hey.” a young man suddenly says, and Taylor turns around. She sees Patrick standing in front of her, who hugs her immediately. He’s taller than she remembered and it’s still hard for her to comprehend that he’s no longer the shy fourteen year old she once knew, but instead a twenty- two year old university graduate. For the first time tonight, she honestly feels happy to shake someone else’s hand. Someone she hasn’t met before.

“This is Jess, my girlfriend.”

Taylor smiles at the blonde girl and then at Patrick.

“So nice to meet you!” she quickly says, then looks at Patrick again.

“Joe said you two moved in together?” Taylor asks, and Patrick nods. Taylor smiles warmly. She’s more than happy for Patrick.

“I’m glad you’re here, Tay.” Patrick says, and as always, she can still feel the truth in his words. Ever since back then, when she and Joe picked him up from his field trip, and that one evening in her rental house when she and Patrick had pizza and spoke about his heart break - ever since then, Patrick and her had a great bond. It’s not just Joe, who she lost. She also lost Patrick, his parents, this home.

A life.

Taylor can feel Joe’s glance. She can feel how he constantly looks back at her, reassuring himself she’s doing fine after meeting Naomi. And Taylor immediately feels her acting skills come up. She wants him to think she’s fine. She wants him to think that she’s untouchable, healthy, happy. That she’s moved on like him. That she didn’t spend the last hours recalling every moment of Monday afternoon.

Not at all.

To Be Continued.

#Christmasbound #lovebound #part 3 #taylor swift #joe alwyn #joe and taylor #taylor swift fanfiction #fanfiction #london #christmas #love

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runeterrankhaleesi · 3 years

Note

So idk if you're still taking requests but i loved the yoru scenarios u made and i really loved the one where he dies in our arms and i was wondering if u could make a reverse scenario where we die in his arms?

[A/N: Oh darling, of course I'm still taking requests. Of course, I can do that. I never see enough Yoru requests in my inbox and neither on Valorant, but that's alright. I decided to include my OC, Hera, in this. Please prepare tissues, you cannot be immune to this, as I cried while writing this. Thank you for making a request. You may ask again for more.]

Scenario of Yoru with his Female Agent s/o Dying in his Arms

Yoru furrowed his brows, gripping his hair in frustration, the brim of his eyes slowly lining with tears. Why? Why did he think everything will be fine after that? Why?

About a month ago, nightmares came to Yoru, dreams of you dying right in front of him and falling lifeless into his arms. He would lay there helpess with your corpse in his arms. It was all to much for him. One of his vivid nightmares was when Yoru tried convince Sage to retrieve your body and resurrect you, however the spike was about to explode, they didn't have enough to defuse and there was only a sliver of time left to run. Sage dragged him to the jet, where Brimstone and Breach were panickly turning it on. Sova struggled to keep Yoru in place as he tried to run to you. The Japanese froze as the spike was detonated, the nuclear radianite spreading in a large radius, passing through you disintegrating your body into dust like some piece of paper that could be easily torn, the radianite almost touched him, an inch away from his nose. The radianite was sucked in, vanishing from thin air. Yoru screamed with all his might, ripping his arms away from the hunter's grip. Sova could only look at him with sympathy and sorrow. Yoru punched the snow as tears wetted his face, "Kuso...". The dream reccured everyday, each time more vivid than the last. Yoru approached his older sister, Hera, asking for her help. Around the Valorant Protocol HQ, the agents called Hera "Dream Catcher", as she caught the agents' bad dreams. Jett often approached Hera for it. "How long has this been going on?" She asked, her tone kind. He only shrugs his shoulders, "Two weeks? Maybe?". Hera gently took hold of his brother, directing his head to her lap. "I kept seeing her dying, over and over again, and I can't do anything to stop it." Yoru explained. Hera combed his hair with her hand, prompting him to continue. "It was too fuckin' real. I keep reminding myself it was a just a dream, but..." He started to cry, gritting his teeth in anger. "Stop." She said, "Just let me make you forget about that, alright?" Hera kissed his forehead in a loving way, an attempt to comfort her little brother. She pressed her palm against his forehead, letting her radiant powers flow through the tips of her fingers, her hands glowing a soft baby blue color instead of the usual gold. The smooth fabric of her white satin gloves on his forehead calmed him down even more. "It's scary, isn't it?" She spoke. He looked up at her in confusion. "Watching your loved ones die in your dreams and jolt awake in cold sweat." "Have you...?" He questioned. His older sister only sighed, "You don't know how many times I woke up from those nightmares-from those dreams where Sova was killed right in front of my own eyes." She breathed out shakily, her chest feeling tight. "I dreamt of him attempting to save me from Kingdom's clutches, like a princess being save from the highest tower by a knight in shining armor." She chuckled bitterly and Yoru couldn't help but smile. "He made it into the cell they were holding me in and he was about to set me free when someone suddenly shot him, right in the head and I could clearly see the bullet hole. His blood splattered across the glass window of the cell. It was painted red that I could barely see what was right in front of me, yet I saw the silhouette of Sova's body sliding against the glass and falling to the floor. I think I screamed right before I woke up.". Yoru reached for his sister's free hand, giving it a squeeze. "What'd you do about it?" Yoru asked, adjusting the position of his head on his sister's lap. "I...avoided Sova as much as I could. I thought it'll be safer for him since, you know, I'm a radiant with the codename "Spike" ." Yoru hummed, feeling a cool sensation in his head. He unconsciously squeezed his sister's hand once again. His girlfriend was an agent, that being said, it was hard to keep them out of danger, especially when you're in one yourself.

That very dream happened. They were in Icebox, a sniper shot rang out, meant for Yoru. In the nick of time, you stepped in, taking the bullet, the metal piercing a hole through your chest. The Japanese instantly caught you in his arms as you fell. You hissed in pain when he placed his hand on the wound, applying pressure. "Brimstone, where's Sage?" He asked through the comms. "We don't know, she's gone missing." Brim replied. Yoru could hear him panting, he cussed in Japanese. "Sova, where's my sister?" The Russian had trouble answering as he tried to catch his breath, "She's gone too." "What?" Yoru nearly screamed. There's no way he's going to lose his girlfriend and his sister, no, not today. Sova was on the run again, shooting his recon bolt far, "The healers, Sage, Skye, and Hera are gone. We don't know where they went and we're trying to find them now." said the hunter, worry evident in his voice. Yoru threw his comm in frustration, the ear piece getting buried in the thick snow. "Listen, just hang in there, okay?" He sounded like he was begging. You only shook your head, getting a grip on his jacket and pulling him to you, you nuzzled your face into his neck and he did the same. You held the back of his head, feeling his hair, "I love you, okay?". "No, no. Don't say that." He cried, feeling something wet and hot on his hands, he didn't need to look that it was your blood. “Don’t go, please. Stay with me.” He helplessly pleaded.

✨~Requests are open!~✨

#yoru #valorant yoru #yoru x reader #valorant yoru x reader #valorant x reader #runeterrankhaleesi #valorant #Works of Khaleesi

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killiansprincss · 3 years

Text

Could This Be Us?

This is my work for @csjanuaryjoy this is my first year taking part and I’m excited to share with you all! I’ve made it my goal to write more this year and this seemed like the best way to do that goal! This is just a cute fluff missing scene that I hope brings you joy!

Also on A03

Summary: set in the few weeks before 4b when everything was clam, Emma and Killian agree to babysit Neal and Emma slowly begins to let down her walls and Killian becomes vulnerable. Pure fluff. Babysitting adventures.

___

Emma was happy. The Snow Queen was gone and Gold was banished to the real world. There was nothing and nobody that could hurt them anymore. They could begin their normal life, well as normal as a town filled with fairytale characters could be. Her parents were Snow White and Prince Charming and her boyfriend was Captain Hook, so it was a little crazy, but for the first time in her life, Emma was truly happy.

She goes downstairs to see her parents cooing over her baby brother. Again, still weird that she was 30 and the same age as her parents, and had a newborn baby brother. Even weirder that he was named after her dead ex boyfriend, but his death did allow them to defeat Zelena. And she couldn’t tell them the horrible things Neal did to her, it would only ruin their sense of hope and belief that everyone could be a hero.

“Morning Kid, want me to drive you to school?” Emma asks her son, as she pours her coffee.

Henry spent 4 days at the Apartment Lot with Emma and his grandparents, and the other 3 days at Regina’s. It was their best attempt at normality, and Henry seemed to like spending time with David, dropping not so subtle hints that he wanted to take up sword fighting lessons.

“It’s okay Mom. I think I’ll walk, Ivy is meeting me early as we’ve got our science project due today so we need to go over everything.” He tells her. He was getting pretty friendly to this Ivy girl, Emma was sure he had his first crush, but wouldn’t say anything in case she ruined anything.

Checking the time and realises she’s late, she takes a final sip of her coffee before saying, “I’ve gotta go. Killian’s helping out at the station today and I’m meeting him at Granny’s for breakfast.” It had become a weekly tradition to meet Killian for breakfast, she was getting him to try everything on the menu, and this week was Pancakes with bacon and maple syrup.

“Wait, Emma before you leave.” David says, picking up Neal from his crib. “We wanted to know if you and Hook would babysit tonight. We haven’t had a night to ourselves in a while.”

Emma smiles, “We would love to. And since when do you approve of Hook babysitting? Does this mean you like him now?”

David rolls his eyes, but can’t stop the smile from his face. Truth is he was warming to the fact that a pirate was dating his daughter, he was a good guy, he cared for Emma and he was proving day by day that he wasn’t the man he was years ago. “He’s still a pirate dating my daughter, so he’s under careful supervision. But if he makes you happy I’m not standing in your way.”

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

“Morning love.” Killian waits for Emma outside the lot, which he really didn’t have to do seeing as he lives in the room he rents at Granny’s.

She gives him a quick kiss, and takes his hand as they start walking. “So my parents have asked us to babysit my brother tonight. I told them we would, I hope that’s okay.”

Killian gives Emma a worried look. “Just so you know Swan, I know nothing about babies, I’m not so sure how helpful I can be.”

Emma smiles at her boyfriend, he could’ve easily said no, but he didn’t. “That’s okay. I didn’t raise Henry, I also don’t know the first thing about babies, so it’ll be an adventure for both of us.”

Killian was so lucky. He truly was the luckiest man in the universe. He never imagined Emma would be with him in the way that she is. He also never imagine he would help look after her baby brother with her. If Liam could see him now, he hoped he would be proud.

They walk into Granny’s hand and hand and sit down in the booth. Emma orders them both Pancakes with bacon and maple syrup, and waits patiently to see what he thinks of them. She shows him that he has to cut into the fluffy circle stack and pour the syrup all over them, the more syrup the better.

His eyes go wide as he chews and realises it’s delicious. “It’s so sweet. This is breakfast food?”

Emma laughs as she digs into her plate. “Oh yeah it’s breakfast all right. I don’t know what you eat for breakfast in the Enchanted Forest but we have many sweet options in this world.”

“Much better than the things I was eating whilst at sea.” He says as he pours even more syrup onto the pancakes.

“And what was that, Rum and more Rum?” She teases as she takes a bite off her plate.

“Ha-Ha Swan. Contrary to your belief, I did eat actual food as a pirate. Not nearly as sweet as this though, it consisted of dried fruits and nuts, then once we docked into port, we were able to have bread and other fresh pastry delicacies.” He chooses to leave out that in Neverland his diet did consist mainly of Rum and non poisonous fruit from the Island.

Emma smiles. This is what happiness looks like. Watching her pirate boyfriend eating Pancakes for the first time. She could get used to it.

/\/\/\/\/\/\

That night, Killian comes over around 6. Her parents had decided to go to a restaurant in town that wasn’t Granny’s, but after constant reminding that Emma had their number to call should anything go wrong. Not that it would. Hopefully.

Emma’s donned her leather jacket for some comfy clothes, leggings and an oversized hoodie, hair in a messy bun. Not her usual sheriff, or saviour look. Killian however is still in his modern leather jacket and jeans, not quite understanding that babysitting would be much easier in comfy clothes.

“Here, put these on.” She tosses him a pair of David’s clothes, sweatpants and a grey t-shirt, hopefully her dad won’t mind, he did say he was liking Hook more and more every day.

“Swan, the clothes in your world are utterly ridiculous.” He says as comes out of the bathroom, looking a lot less like a pirate, and more like a man.

Emma smiles, she had to say he looked good in sweatpants. “Trust me if Neal pukes all over you, it’s a lot easier to get it out of an old t shirt that it would out of leather.”

Killian looked vulnerable. For the first time really. She’d seen him in a lot less clothing before, but she never noticed how vulnerable it makes him look. Underneath all the leather, was a man who had been broken before.

He looks down at his Hook, “do you want me to take this off?”

Emma immediately tells him no. “I don’t see why you should. It’s a part of you, and he’s gonna have to get used to it.”

Killian smiles, the little prince will have to get used to it. Because he’s not going anywhere, he’s sticking around. He will never leave Emma like all those before.

“So where is the Little Prince then?” He asks.

Emma leads him over to the crib in the corner of the room, “Do you want to hold him?”

Emma trusts him. Wholeheartedly. So he agrees to hold the baby.

Neal fusses at first in Killians arms, but he fusses with everyone. He just needs to get used to it.

“Am I doing it okay Swan?” Killian asks as he fusses, but he isn't crying which is a good thing.

“You're doing great.” Emma smiles at him. This was a rare sight, Captain Hook in sweatpants holding a baby. Emma was getting butterflies in her stomach looking at it. She and Killian had been together for a few months now but she could already see a future with him. Being with him was so different than it ever was with Neal, even Walsh, despite it being all fake, was so different to Killian. He never tried to shower her with gifts or presents or big romantic gestures like Walsh. Killian was just there, by her side. And that's all she wanted.

“I think the Little Prince likes me.” Kilian beams as Neal starts laughing at the faces Killian was pulling.

It was scary. Emma was sure she was in love with him. She just couldn’t bring herself to say the words out loud. Because as soon as she said them, things would change between them and it would become real. When she told Neal she loved him, he left her. Killian wouldn't leave, she knows that. But it still scares her.

“Oh no. No. Swan. What’s happening, why is the little lad crying?” Killian asks frantically, starting to panic that he was doing something wrong.

“He’s hungry,” Emma tells him, grabbing his bottle from the counter. “This should be warm enough by now.”

Killian takes the bottle and gets Neal to drink.

“You gotta make sure you’re holding his head, it’s sensitive at this age.” Emma says making his arm support her brother's head.

“You’re good at this you know.” He says as she helps him. “How is it you know all this?”

“Just watching my mom do it really. Also, my cursed memories of me raising Henry. Even though it didn’t happen, I remember learning everything from the books. I remember staying up all night when he cried, and learning how to be a mother at barely 18.” She decided to confide in him, she’s never told anyone about her cursed memories, or about her time in prison, but she feels like she can confide in him, tell him anything without being judged.

“I was 17 when I gave birth, cursed or not, I turned 18 a month later and a few weeks after that I was released from prison. It wasn’t my finest moment, but in my cursed memories I had Henry to keep me going. When I woke up and got my memories back, it made me wish I never gave him up. Because those 12 years were the best 12 years of my life.”

It feels good to open up. She’s letting him in slowly, but it feels nice. He doesn’t pry, he doesn’t ask too many questions, he just listens to her.

“After our father abandoned us, Liam practically raised me. I felt empty and hurt, but Liam, he was there even in my darkest days. The best years of my life was when we were in the Navy together, before it all went wrong.”

They were two halves of the same coin, both abandoned and lost everyone they ever cared about. But together they were healing, both themselves and each other.

“I think he likes you!” Emma says wiping her tears away as Neal becomes fascinated with Killian's Hook.

Killian looks down at the little prince in his arms to see him trying to grab his Hook with his tiny little fingers. “Everyone likes me Swan. I’m not surprised your brother does too.”

“I didn’t like you at first.” Emma teases.

“Aye but my charming wits and looks won you over eventually.” He teases back, causing the smile that he loves to see.

It would be so easy in this moment to say the three words. Killian knew it the moment she kissed him back in Neverland, and in the missing year he realised how much he loved her when he thought he’d never see her again. But he knows better. If he said the words right now, it would cause a rift, and maybe cause her to run. So he doesn’t, he will wait for her to say the words first. He’ll wait forever to hear her say it, it doesn’t matter. As long as they’re together.

“I think I’m getting the hang of it Swan!” He speaks too soon as he begins to rock the little prince to sleep, he decides to bring up the contents of his tiny stomach all over Killian.

Emma tries not to laugh, but she can’t help it as laughter fills the lot.

She takes Neal from Killian so he can clean the sick off his shirt, “told you this would be a better idea, imagine trying to get that off your leather vest. There's another one of David shirts on top of the dryer, you can put the dirty shirt in the basket with the other dirty laundry.”

Looking after her baby brother with her 300 year old boyfriend is honestly not even the weirdest thing about her life at the moment. But it’s something that she never thought she would be doing, she was 17 when she gave Henry up and she thought she would never want kids, or even be ready after that. But just seeing how good Killian was with her brother, it got her thinking could she want this life? It wasn’t off the table. A baby with her hair and Killians eyes. Maybe one day.

___

“He won’t stop crying. Why won’t he stop crying?” Emma cries. They had been trying to settle him for almost an hour now and she’s getting tired. If this was a recurring thing then maybe having a baby of her own wasn’t something she wanted. Especially as it was barely 8.30.

“What else can we try?” Killian asks with Neal in his arms trying to send him to sleep by rocking him slowly.

“I don’t suppose you know a lullaby?” Emma asks, half joking, not really expecting him to.

Except he starts to sing, or hum a melody. It’s quiet enough that she can’t hear the lyrics properly, but Neal seems to like it. So much so that it stirs him off to sleep.

Emma’s really impressed. “That doesn’t sound like a sea shanty. Since when does Captain Hook know a lullaby?”

“My mother used to sing it to me and Liam. Before she died that is.” He tells her, putting Neal down slowly into his crib.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don't be, love. It was a long time ago.”

“Can you tell me about her?” She asks.

“I was 5 when she died, Liam was 8. I don’t remember much about her, Liam probably remembers more. But I know she was tough, she wouldn’t have taken my fathers bullshit. She used to sing that to Liam and I every night before we went to sleep. I sang it to myself sometimes on the Jolly in Neverland after Liam died. It comforted me.” He brushes it off as if it’s nothing, similar to how Emma talks about her past. She takes his hand and interweines their fingers as she leads them back to the couch.

“I like hearing stories about your past. About your pre-pirate days. Reminds me you weren’t always cursed.”

She wraps her fingers around his Hook, she’s never been afraid of it. Or afraid of the man attached to the Hook. She can’t help but imagine one day a baby with her hair and his eyes fiddling with his Hook the way her brother did tonight. And that’s scary.

Emma has a way of seeing the good in him, despite his cruel actions she sees beyond it, sees the pain it’s caused him in the past few years as he attempts to better himself. “I certainly was cursed with bad luck but sadly my actions were of my own accord. But I’ll tell you one story of the time Liam and I got caught in a storm at sea. Liam was a Lieutenant at that point and wanted to prove he could handle it, the stubborn arse.”

And so he tells her stories of his time in the Navy. He tells her anything she wants to hear, and he realises this is the first time anyone has really asked about Liam, or his past. The women he spent the night with back in the Enchanted Forest, well they never did much talking. And with Milah, she was focused on forgetting her past so didn’t care much to ask about his.

“I wish you could’ve met him. He would’ve loved you.” It’s nice, speaking about Liam, telling her the stories he hasn’t really ever told anyone-or thought about in centuries.

Snow and Charming return a few hours later, to find their daughter and Hook asleep on the couch, Emma’s head resting on the Pirates chest. Snow smiles at the sight, and even David isn’t appalled at the sight either, appreciating that his daughter is happy. Snow grabs a blanket and covers the two of them.

“Is that my shirt?” David whisper screams at his wife seeing the pirate wearing his clothes.

#cs January joy 2021 #csjj 2021 #captain swan #killian jones #Emma swan #cs ff #captain swan fanfic #my writing

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letangelliottblaneyfan91258 · 3 years

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A/N: Links to Chapter 1-3 posted at bottom of page!

Chapter 4

It had been a few days since Eden left Sids after they raped her. She called out sick from work she couldn't face them. The team was headed out to California and Eden asked if she could fly out and meet the team there. They said that was fine. Eden went out a day early and did some sight seeing. It was nice. The team arrived later that day. She had just gotten finished eating when there was a knock at the door. Eden goes and sees it was Sid.

"Eden please open the door." Sid says.

He had carnations her favorite in his hands and a stuffed Panda bear too. Eden figured she might as well hear him out. She opens the door.

"What Sid?" Eden says.

"I am sorry for what I did to you the other day." Sid says.

"Oh you mean raping me when I said no." Eden replies snarky.

"Yes I am sorry baby. It will never happen again. Kris is sorry too these are from us." Sid says.

"Look let's just let by gones be bygones. I won't say anything about what happened. I won't tell your secret." Eden says.

"Please baby. Think about it. We really do love you." Sid says.

"Okay I will think about it okay." Eden says.

"Good baby. We love you and don't want to loose you." Sid says.

"I will think about it okay. Now I just want to go lie down. I am not feeling well." Eden says.

"Okay feel better." Sid says kissing her softly on the lips.

"Thanks Sid. Goodnight I will see you at practice tomorrow." Eden replies.

"Okay baby." Sid says kissing her head.

Eden took the flowers and Panda and shut the door behind him. She wasn't thinking about anything she was walking out of this and going to be with Chase.

That was when her phone went off. It was Chase.

"Meet me down in the lobby." Chase texts.

"Wait you're here!" Eden texts back.

"Yup got a race here in Cali and then racing Phoenix and Vegas." Chase says.

"Let me change and I'll be right down." Eden says.

She throws on a pair of jeans and a black be brave shirt. She then heads down to the lobby.

Chase was standing there waiting for her. She runs to him.

"Chase." Eden exclaims practically jumping on him.

"Hey princess." Chase says kissing her.

Eden kisses back not caring who was watching.

"I'm so happy you are here." Eden says.

"I am happy too I get too see my girl. Now let's go I have a special date planned just the two of us." Chase says.

They link hands and head out to them rental car. They both get in. Chase takes off towards San Diego.

"Where are we going?" Eden asks.

"You will see." Chase says smiling at her.

45 minutes later they arrive at the zoo.

"The San Diego Zoo!" Eden says excitedly.

'Well I know how much you love animals especially pandas so I figured I needed to bring you." Chase says.

They park. They then head to the entrance. Chase pays for them them. They find out there was a bus called the Kangaroo Bus that would drop them off at various parts of the park. They get on the bus and it takes them to the first part of the zoo. The Australian Outback. Inside there they see the Australian Wander which was full of plants that come from down under, along with Camels, Koalas. Laughing Kookabura's, Tasmanian Devils and Wombats.

It was fun. They got to hold a koala, play with a kangaroo and ride a camel together.

Eden was taking all kinds of pictures.

From there they head into the Lost Forest exhibit,. There they see Bog Garden, Bonabo's , Fern Canyon, Flamingos, Ginger Garden, harpy eagels, Hawaiian pants, Hippo's, Mandrills, Monkey's, Okapi's, orangutans, Otter's and pygmy Hippos pygmy marmosets, Tapirs, terrace lagoon, and Tigers.

"I want a hippo for Christmas is one of my favorite Xmas songs so I love hippos." Eden says.

"They are intriguing animals." Chase says.

They continue on. They were holding hands and acting like a real couple and Eden was loving it. They then get on the Kangaroo bus and head to the nest spot for them. They then do the Panda Canyon, where they see Amur Leopard's, Giant Panda's red pandas and Takins.

"Pandas are my absolute favorite animal in the whole wide world." Eden says.

"I know now come with me." Chase says.

They head behind the habitat where they met a zookeeper. Chase paid extra for them to be able to play with one of the panda's. It was one of the Cubs born not that long ago. Also Eden was adopting it and could name it. Eden was having the time of her life. Chase had them take picture and a video. She ended up naming the bear Chase. Finally they leave.

"Thank you for doing that for me. I love it." Eden says.

"I am glad baby." Chase says.

That was when Eden ran to the trash can and threw up. Chase held her hair back. He also got her ginger Ale.

"Do you want to go home?" Chase asks.

"Nope I'm okay now." Eden says.

They then head to the Africa Rocks where they got to see and play with the penguins.

They head around the zoo seeing more different animals. They saved the best for last where Eden got to see the polar bears another one of her favorites. It was neat to see them out playing. Eden took more pictures. Finally they headed to the gift shop and Eden got a few things. Chase got her a few things as well and they left.

"Thank you Clyde for a much needed fun day." Eden says.

"You are welcome Princes." Chase says.

"Our first official date." Eden says.

"And it's not over yet." Chase says.

They hop in the car and head back towards Los Angeles. Chase heads to Disneyland and parks.

"Disneyland baby?" Eden asks.

"But of course. Have to take my Princess to the happiest place on earth." Chase replies.

"I love you." Eden says.

"I love you more princess." Chase replies kissing her hand.

He then gets out of the car and gets her door. Eden gets out and they head to Disneyland hand in hand. They head inside and stop first at Sleeping Beauty's castle and have someone take a picture of them in front.

They got a few different ones including of one of them kissing. After that they head to start riding rides. They get on Alice and Wonderland, Astro Orbiter, Autopia, Big Thunder Mountain, Buzz Lightyear Astro Blasters, Casey Jr. Circus Train, Chip and Dale's tree house, the Disney Gallery, Disney Railroad, The Disneyland Story presenting Great moments with Mr. Lincoln, Donald's Boat, Enchanted Tiki Room, Finding Nemo Submarine Voyage, Frontierland Shootin' Exposition, Gadget's Go Coaster, Goofy's playhouse, Indiana Jones adventure, It's a small world, Jungle Cruise, King Arthur's Carrousel, Mad Tea Party, Main Street Cinema, The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh, Mark Twain Riverboat, Matterhorn Bobsleds, Mickey's house and meet Mickey, Minnie's house, Mr. Toads Wild Ride, Peter Pan's Flight, Pincchio's Darin Journey, Pirates Lair on Tom Sawyers Island, Pirates of the Caribbean, Roger Rabbits Car Toon Spin, Snow Whites Scary adventure, Space Mountain, Star Tours The Adventure continues, Star wars Launch Bay, Star Wars Path of the Jedi, Storybook land canal boats, Tarzan's treehouse, Dumbo the flying elephant, Haunted Mansion, Main street vehicles, Splash Mountain, Davey Crockett's Explorer canoes, and Sailing Ship Colombia.

"I am hungry." Eden says after they finished riding the rides.

"Me too." Chase replies.

"Let's eat and then we can continue on." Eden says.

"Sounds good.:" Chase says.

They decide to eat at the Carnation Café. They both get burgers and fries and milkshakes. After they eat they head and do a few shows. They do a Star Wars Character Experience and then they do Jedi Training. That was fun they then meet fairy friends at Pixie Hallow and meet the Disney princess at Royal Hall. Chase took a few pictures of Eden. He got a her few things. He figured for Halloween she could be a princess and he would be a race car driver.

They continue on and get on Animation Academy, Fliks Flyers, Francis Ladybug Boggie, Golden Zephyr, Goofy's sky school, Guardians of the Galaxy: Mission Breakout, Heimlich's chew chew train, it's tough to be a bug, Jumpin Jellyfish, King Triton's carousel, The Little Mermaid: Ariel's undersea adventure, Luigi's Rollickin Roadsters, Maters Junkyard Jamboree, Monsters Inc. Mike and Sully to the rescue, Princess Dot Puddle Park, Radiator Springs racers, Red car trolley, Silly Symphony Swings, Soarin around the world, Sorcerers workshop, Toy Story Midway Mania, Tuck and Rolls Drive em buggies, Turtle Talk with Crush, The Bakery Tour, California Screamin, Games of the Boardwalk, Grizzly River run, Mickey's Fun Wheel, Redwood Creek Challenge trail, Frozen at Disneyland resort, and Guardians of the Galaxy: Monsters after dark.

They then head and see Ana and Elsa's Royal Welcome, Frozen Live at Hyperion, Meet Olaf, and Meet the Residents of Radiator Springs in Cars land.

Finally, they head back to the car and head to Universal Studios. They go inside and get on rides. They ride on Harry Potter and the Forbidden journey, The Wizarding World Of Harry Potter, Flight of the Hippogrif, Fast and the Furious Supercharged, King Kong 360, The Walking Dead attraction, Despicable Me Minion Mayhem, Jurassic Park the ride, Transformers The ride, The Simpson Ride, Revenge of the Mummy Ride, Super Silly Fun Land, Sill Swirly Fun Ride, Special Effects show, Water World, Universal's animal actors, and Charter sightings.

They finish everything they wanted to do at the park before heading back to the car.

They then head back to the car and back to the track. Chase had something special planned for them. He had it set up and ready to go.

"What's this?" Eden says seeing a table set up for two.

"Dinner for two baby." Chase says.

"Awww Clyde." Eden says kissing him.

Chase kisses back. He then helps her sit down.

He goes and heats up their food. He had made chicken parmigiana and noodles along with a salad. When it was done he sits it in the table and then takes his seat. They each take a piece of chicken and some noodles. They then add a little bit more sauce to each before sprinkling it with parmesan cheese. They put some salad in their salad bowls and add the dressing. Chase pours them each a glass of wine.

Eden takes a bite of the food and then says

"Oh my god it tastes as good as it smells."

"Thanks. The sauce is my mothers homemade recipe." Chase says.

"Well it's good." Eden says.

They eat and enjoy each others company. Once they finished Eden helped Chase clean up and put the leftovers away and load the dishwasher.

"The flowers are for you." Chase says to her.

"Thank you Clyde. Carnations are my favorite flower and pink is my favorite color." Eden says.

"I know baby." Chase says.

"So wha are we going to watch?" Eden asks.

"Since I know how much you love scary movies I have the Conjuring universe movies ready to go." Chase replies.

"Lead the way." Eden says.

Chase lead her to the game room. They both sit on the couch as Chase turns on the Nun. The movie starts. Not even five minutes into it Chase jumps at a scary part.

"Damn." Chase says.

"You really hate scary movies don't you?" Eden asks.

"Yes I do. But I will watch them because I know you like them." Chase says.

"Well I will keep you safe Clyde." Eden says.

"I know." Chase says as another scary part happens.

They movie went on. Eden felt him get a little tense and knew he was scared so she leaned in a little closer trying to comfort him. Chase puts his arm around her pulling her closer to him. She leaned her head on his shoulder.

It got to the part where the priest was buried A alive. Chase started to shake. That was one of his phobias being trapped someplace not being able to get out. He was claustrophobic.

"Oh Chase." Eden says leaning in placing a soft kiss on his lips.

She would do anything at that moment to make him feel better. She never experienced a man so vulnerable.

Chase kisses back putting his hands on each side of her cheeks. Eden parts her lips slightly. Chase deepens the kiss exploring her mouth with his tongue.

"Mmm." Chase moans deep in his throat.

"Mmm." Eden moans too.

"God Princess ." Chase says once they both come up for air.

"You are a good kisser Clyde." Eden says.

"So are you Princess." Chase replies.

She looks deep into his eyes and sees a bunch of emotion swirling in them.

Chase leans in kissing her again pulling her all but into his lap. His hands roam up the back of her shirt setting her skin on fire.

"God Clyde take me to bed." Eden moans when he let her up for air again.

"God baby are you sure?" Chase asks.

"God yes." Eden says she wanted him so bad.

Chase picks her up carrying her into his bedroom. He sits her on her feet closing the door. Once the door was closed Eden pushes him up against it.

"Eden." Chase moans.

"I want you and I am going to take you." Eden says.

"I want you too." Chade says.

She starts to lift his shirt up placing soft kisses along his chest as she does.

"Fuck." Chase moans.

Once she gets the shirt up and and over his she throws it to the floor.

"You have the most amazing body Clyde." Eden says running her nails lightly down his chest to the band of his jeans.

"Thanks Princess oh god." Chase moans as she pops open the button and pulls the zipper down running her finger up his happy trail.

She works the jeans down his hips kissing his stomach with light fluttery kisses as she does. Chase just moans.

She then works his boxer briefs down as well freeing his rock hard cock. Eden licks her lips. She places soft kisses on his stomach again before running her tongue down his happy trail. She places soft kisses on each thigh before slowly taking his cock into her mouth.

"Fuck Eden." Chase moans running his fingers through her hair.

She sucks him in nice and slow running her tongue along the underside of his shaft. She looks up locking eyes with him. She keeps sucking him in and out of her mouth slowly.

"Fuck Eden that's it suck my dick baby." Chase moans gently pulling her hair as he starts to thrust.

Eden kept going slowly torturing him bringing him to the verge of cumming.

"God baby I am going to cum." Chase moans he didn't know what she wanted.

Eden gently starts to play with his balls never taking her eyes off him.

"Princess oh god." Chase moans as he cums hard down her throat.

Eden swallows every drop before slowly licking him clean. She then slowly works her way back up his body pulling him in for a kiss. She explores every inch of his mouth with her tongue letting him taste himself on her lips and tongue. Chase slowly backs her towards the bed. He breaks the kiss long enough to pull her shirt over her head tossing it.

"Jesus Eden that bra." Chase moans seeing it.

He pulls one strap down kissing her shoulder as he does. Then kisses the other as he pulls that strap down. He sucks and licks the tops of each breast peaking out from the cup. He pulls the cups down taking one in his mouth running a circle around her nipple with his tongue before sucking on it gently nibbling on it bringing it to a peak.

"Clyde." Eden moans running her fingers in his hair.

Chase moves to the other breast doing the same thing. He slowly unclasps the bra pulling it off tossing it aside as well. He then kisses softly down her stomach to the band of her jeans.

He uses his teeth to pop open the button lightly nibbling on her belly as he slowly inches them down her hips and legs. Eden steps out of them kicking off her shoes.

"God baby those panties. God so wet." Chase moans running his mouth over her pussy smelling her juices.

He then slowly works them down over her hips and down her legs. Eden kicks them off. He then slowly kisses his way up her legs placing a kiss on each thigh. He blows cool breath across her mound as she slowly spreads her legs. He runs his tongue up and down her slit before pushing inside starting to fuck her with his tongue.

Not long after he started Eden gently pulls his hair pulling him away from her.

"Fuck me Clyde." Eden says all but begging him.

"God okay baby." Chase says kissing his way up her body. He picks her up kissing her letting her taste her on his lips and tongue and gently lays her down on the bed.

"God please Clyde I need you inside me now." Eden moans.

"God baby." Chase moans as he gently pushes inside her.

"God yes." Eden moans as he starts to thrust gently at first.

He wanted to go slow letting her adjust to his size. She was so tight and wet.

"Jesus Eden you feel so good. Like a glove." Chase moans.

"God fuck me Clyde hard and fast." Eden moans digging her nails into his back.

Chase moves a little harder and faster. Eden wraps her legs around his waist letting him go deeper inside her.

"Eden oh god." Chase moans going even harder.

"Clyde god that's it." Eden moans as he stretched her even further.

She throws her head back arching into him. It felt so good.

"God baby I am not going to last." Chase moans

"Cum baby let me feel it." Eden monas.

"Eden sweet Eden." Chase moans looking deep into her eyes as he cums hard deep inside her.

"Clyde oh god." Eden moans shuttering as her orgasm rushes through her.

She cums with him feeling him coat her insides. She just moans as her body shutters from the pleasure.

Chase kisses her gently on the lips and then the jaw and neck as they ride it out.

"God Clyde again I need you again." Eden moans.

She just wanted to feel that good again and not think about anything.

"Okay Eden but this time it will be nice and slow." Chase says.

"Please." Eden begs.

Chase starts to move again inside her taking it nice and slow.

"Eden god." Chase moans loving being inside her.

"Clyde god." Eden moans as he slowly builds her up.

"So close." Eden moans.

"Cum baby." Chase moans.

"Clyde." Eden moans as she cums.

"That's it baby milk my release." Chase moans as he cums again inside her.

They make love a few more times before Eden's eyelashes started to flutter. Chase gets up.

"Where are you going?" Eden asks sleepily.

"Shhh baby I will be back." Chase says kissing her softly on the lips.

He goes into the bathroom grabbing a wash cloth wetting it with warm water. He then comes over and gently wipes her down cleaning her.

He goes and tosses the rag in the hamper and then climbs into bed beside her. She curls up to him laying her head on his chest. Chase pulls the blanket up over them kissing her head as they both fall asleep.

**************************

The next morning Eden and Chase woke up when the alarm went off.

"Good morning baby:" Chase says.

"Good morning, oh god." Eden says getting up and running to the bathroom.

She made it just in time to empty her stomach in the toilet. Chase was right behind her. She got her everything up. Chase then picks her up gently and carries her back to bed.

"Sorry baby." Eden says.

"For what?" Chase asks.

"Getting sick." Eden replies.

"It's okay." Chase replies.

"I need to go back. I have to change before I head to practice." Eden replies.

"Yeah I know. I am glad I was able to see you." Chase says.

"Me too I will try and make the race on Sunday." Eden adds.

Chase smiles. He gives her a few shirts from his collection. They then head to the car and head back to Eden's hotel.

"I will see you later princess. I love you." Chase says.

"I will see you later Clyde. I love you too." Eden replies.

They share a few more kisses not wanting to part ways. But finally Eden heads inside and up to her room. She showered and got dressed and then heads down to the bus. Once everyone was on they head to the arena. Eden goes and gets the exam room set up in case they would need it for anything. That was when she felt arms snake around her waist.

"Hey baby, I missed you last night." Sid says.

"Hi Sid. Sorry I was so tired. Still getting used to the time change." Eden replies lying.

She didn't know what he would do if he knew she was with Chase. She was scared of him. It sucked cus she had a contract and had to work with the Penguins until the end of the 2021 season. Even though she wanted to quit.

"I know it can take effect on you but you will get used to it." Sid says.

"I know. Don't you have practice?" Eden asks.

" I do but I wanted to know if you were doing anything after?" Sid asks.

"No I don't. Sunday I am going to the NASCAR race before the game that night. But nothing today." Eden replies.

"Okay maybe I can come to your room, we can order room service and watch movies." Sid says.

"Okay." Eden says.

"Good see you then." Sid replies.

"Is Kris coming too?" Eden asks.

"Nope just me this time." Sid says.

"Okay." Eden replies.

Sid kisses her and leaves to attend practice. Eden grabs a little something from the snack bar and goes and watches practice. Halfway through Kris took a high stick to the face and there was blood.

"I got it." Eden says.

Kris comes down the runway and into the exam room. Eden follows him in. Kris was sitting on the table.

"Damn that hurt like a son of a bitch." Kris says.

"Sorry Kris." Eden says dabbing the blood away with a towel.

"It's okay. Is it bad?" Kris asks.

"Yes going to need stitches but shouldn't keep you out of the game tomorrow." Eden says.

"Good." Kris says.

Eden stitches him up. Kris puts his hand over hers.

"Thank you. Sorry for the other day Eden. Are you okay?" Kris asks.

"Yeah I'm okay. And your welcome it's my job." Eden says.

"I know. Im still thankful for you." Kris says.

"I know. I don't know what's going to happen between us but I promise I won't tell anyone about you and Sid. I just don't think I can do this. It took me to moving away and being away from him to realize how much I love Chase." Eden says.

"I know I can tell. Look if you want out that is fine. I know you won't tell anyone about me and Sid but I don't know if Sid will let you go." Kris says.

"I know." Eden says.

"Did you ever love us?" Kris asks.

"I loved you Kris you never hurt me. Sid in the other hand." Eden says looking down.

"I'm sorry he hurt you Eden." Kris says lifting her head up.

He leans in and kisses her. Eden kisses back.

"God." Eden moans as she pulls away.

"Go lock the door." Kris says.

Eden goes and locks the door. She comes back over and climbs into his lap.

"God." Eden moans as he shreds her panties.

"I like skirts." Kris says.

"God." Eden moans as Kris pushes up into her.

"Ride me pretty girl. You know you want to." Kris says.

"God Kris." Eden moans as she starts to move up and down.

"That's it pretty girl." Kris says grabbing her hips.

They needed to be faster. Kris took control of their movements. Eden bit her arm throwing her head back to keep from screaming out. Kris nips and sucks her neck as they move.

"Eden fuck." Kris calls out as he cums hard deep inside of her.

"Kris. "Eden moans out as she cums with him.

They ride it out and Kris picks her up off of him. He stands up and fixes himself.

Kris then kisses her head before walking out the door. Eden collected herself. She then cleans up the exam room and prepared it from the game tomorrow. She then heads out and gets on the bus.

Once all the boys were on board they all head back to the hotel. Eden goes up to her room. She changes into her new Chase Elliott shirt and a pair of lounge pants. She wasn't feeling the greatest. She was laying down when there was a knock at her door. She gets up and opens it. Sid was there with room service and flowers.

"Come in." Eden says letting him in.

"Thanks." Sid says kissing her cheek.

Eden shuts the door.

"What did you bring?" Eden asks.

"Chicken noodle soup and ginger ale. Because I know you said you weren't feeling good." Sid says.

"I am not." Eden replies.

"I am sorry. Well let's eat and then we can relax and watch something on Netflix or something." Sid says.

Eden nods her head yes. So far it was going okay and she wasn't afraid. This was the Sid she started dating. They ate the soup and Eden nibbled the saltines. She sipped the ginger ale. Finally they laid in bed and Eden turned on Netflix. She turned on Sweet Home Alabama one of her favorite movies. She started to think about Chase. This movie was the story of their lives. Sid started to kiss her. Eden kisses back closing her eyes. As they were making out Sid runs his hands down her body. He runs them down her pants and under wear rubbing her pussy before sticking a finger in.

"Hmm nice and wet for me pretty girl." Sid says.

"Yes." Eden moans. She was pretending it was Chase.

"Want me to fuck you pretty girl?" Sid asks.

"Please." Eden begs.

Sid slides her pants and panties off followed by his jeans and boxer briefs. He then hovers over her running his tip along her entrance.

"Soaking for daddy." Sid moans.

"God don't tease." Eden begs.

Sid pushes into her and starts to move thrusting hard and fast.

"Fuck baby." Sid moans as she moves with him.

She wrapped her legs around his waist letting him go deeper.

"God." Eden moans digging her nails into his back.

She still had her eyes closed pretending it was Chase fucking her.

"That's it pretty girl milk my cock baby get ready to take my cum." Sid moans.

"GOd." Eden moans she was almost there.

"Fuck Eden god." Sid moans as he cums hard pumping her pussy full of his cum.

"Clyde oh god Clyde." Eden calls out as she cums too.

"What the fuck did you just call me?" Sid shouts slapping her.

Eden's eyes flashed open and she realized that by her fantasizing about Chase she called out his name.

"Umm." Eden says.

"Did you call me Clyde? Were you thinking about another man while I was fucking you." Sid screams at her.

Eden was so scared she didn't know what to say.

"Answer me you ungrateful ass whore." Sid screams.

"Yes I am so disgusted by you and how you treat me that in order for me to even attempt to have sex I have to think about Chase so I can get off." Eden screams out pushing him off of her.

She gets up off the bed. She was going to hide in the bathroom or something. She had her cell phone.

"You fucking whore. Don't you ever push me again or I will rip your hair out and choke you with it." Sid yells grabbing her hair pulling her back to him.

"Ow you are hurting me." Eden says.

"You think I fucking care. I hope it hurts. Remeber I am the only guy besides Kris who can cum in your sweet pussy. We are the only ones who can fuck you." Sid says.

"Fuck off Sid. I want out of this. I can't stand you. I fucking hate you. Get out." Eden screams turning around wailing out on him.

"You want to hit me bitch. I am going to show you." Sid says.

He picks her up throwing her back into the mirror glass shattering. He bashes her head against it not caring that it busted her head open. He then throws her down onto the floor throwing the mirror down on top of her covering her in glass.

"I will kill you before I ever let you leave." Sid says.

"Please I need help." Eden cries out.

"Fuck that bleed for all I care. If I can't have you no one will." Sid says as he kicks her hard.

Eden whimpers. Sid then leaves the room door slamming behind him. Eden still had her cell phone. It took everything in her to dial his number.

"Hey Princess." Chase says answering on the first ring.

"Chase help. I am hurt." Eden says.

"Eden? Where are you?" Chase asks panicked.

"Hotel Chase. Hurry." Eden says before she blacked out.

"Hang tight princess. I am coming to get you." Chase says.

You ever love somebody so much

You can barely breathe, when you're with them, you meet

And neither one of you, even know what hit 'em

Got that warm fuzzy feeling, yeah them chills, used to get 'em

Now you're getting fucking sick, of looking at 'em

You swore you've never hit 'em, never do nothing to hurt 'em

Now you're in each other's face,

Spewing venom in your words, when you spit 'em

You push, pull each other's hair, scratch, claw, bit 'em

Throw 'em down, pin 'em, so lost in the moments, when you're in 'em

It's the rage that took over it controls you both

So they say it's best, to go your separate ways

Guess that they don't know ya 'cause today, that was yesterday

Yesterday is over, it's a different day

Sound like broken records, playin' over, but you promised her

Next time you'll show restraint

You don't get another chance

Life is no Nintendo game, but you lied again

Now you get to watch her leave

Out the window, guess that's why they call it window pane

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn

But that's alright, because I like the way it hurts

Just gonna stand there and hear me cry

But that's alright, because I love the way you lie

I love the way you lie

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correct4disneyprincesses · 3 years

Text

Snow White or in German, Schneewitchen

POB: Kingdom of Bavaria, Germany 1868.

DOB: 1854

Evidence:

Exhibit A: Doc asks if Snow White can make apple dumplings which is a 18th century dish. She can also make plum pudding also known as Christmas pudding.

Exhibit B: Snow White’s hair bow. Hair bows originated from the 17th century and were used in wigs during the 17th and 18th century. That, and it’s an Alice band which came out some time in 1865 after Alice in Wonderland was published.

Exhibit C: Queen Grimhilde’s balaclava. The balaclava is named after the Battle of Balaclava from the Crimean War in 1854, the time when the Brothers Grimm completed the final revision of Snow White.

Exhibit D: Prince Florian’s feathered beret. Berets are an ancient type of hat but they were very popular in the 19th century and beyond.

Exhibit E: Snow White’s court shoes or pumps are very 17th century and the buckles had bows attached to them in the 19th century.

Exhibit F: There is a three-dimensional cuckoo clock with a frog coming out of it. Stuff like that wasn’t popularized for cuckoo clocks until 1860. One example is the 1861 Hunt piece design.

Exhibit G: Queen Grimhilde uses a Bunsen burner. Gas technology didn’t come about until 1852.

Exhibit H: Dopey uses a dustpan to sweep up the diamonds. The first dustpan, made from metal like in the movie, came out in the 1850s.

Fact 1: Although bob hairstyles didn’t technically exist back then, Snow White was 14 years old in the movie, so her hair was allowed to be short during that time because it was obviously naturally short but it could be curled up just like the long hair on girls.

Fact 2: Snow White has puffed sleeves with teardrop-shaped slashing designs on them, very popular in Tudor times. And the drops are red to symbolize the three drops of blood from Snow White’s mother the First Queen.

Fact 3: Humbert the Huntsman wears a bycocket which was very fashionable for hunters in the 13th to 16th century. They fell out of fashion in England, France, and Spain but were still worn in the Netherlands by merchants, in the Low Countries by Masters of the Guild, and by nobility as far as Hungary.

Fact 4: The Dwarf’s Cottage is located “over the seven jeweled hills and beyond the seventh fall” according to the Spirit of the Magic Mirror. The Seven Hills of Bamberg are near the Black Forest in which the seventh fall known as the Triberg Waterfalls is located.

Additional Information:

Despite Snow White being 14, Prince Florian is not a pedophile. When it came to marriage, the couple had to strictly be teenagers. Sometimes, the boys present at the birth of a daughter were 3 to 4 years older than the baby princess. So, Florian had to be at least 17 to 18 years old.

Also, there is evidence that Snow White met Florian long before they saw each other at the well. In the song, “I’m Wishing,” she clearly says, “I’m wishing for the one I love to find me today.” She could’ve said, “I’m wishing for someone to love.” Instead, she said, “I’m wishing for the one I love.” Past tense. This was never love at first sight. She loved Florian long before the well scene and only ran away from him because she was embarrassed. She thought he would laugh at her for wearing the rags Grimhilde made her wear as evidenced when she brushes them off after running away and hiding.

Also, Snow White isn’t the fairest of them all because of her physical beauty but because of her pure heart as evidenced when the Spirit of Magic Mirror says, “Rags cannot hide her gentle grace.” So, she’s beautiful on the inside because she’s really nice and considerate unlike Grimhilde who’s vain, coldhearted and evil.

Given the opportunity, the Queen would easily kill Snow White. But as a Queen, she has an image to protect and is aware that the citizens like Snow White more than her and the citizens know that the Queen is evil, so, if the Queen did murder Snow White, she would have the entirety of the kingdom on her tail, especially considering that Snow White is her stepdaughter. That was why she needed someone else to do the job for her. But when that fails, she decides to take it upon herself to kill her but knowing that she has an image to protect, she has to disguise herself so completely that no one would ever suspect. Her transformation into an old Hag worked but it also made her senile. The ingredients used to make the potion which were written in English for translation purposes by Disney, were:

1. Mummy Dust or Mummia to make her old.

3. Black of Night or Nightshade to shroud her clothes.

4. Old Hag’s Cackle or a mixture of dumbcane to irritate the voice and propolis to relax it and give it the orange color. Both age the voice.

5. Scream of Fright or a combination of rhubarb juice to give it a good taste, hydrogen peroxide, and ammonia to whiten the hair.

6. Wind to fan the drink’s heat.

7. A thunderbolt to conjoin the particles in the drink and mix it altogether.

In her senile state, she decided to use a special sort of death for Snow White. The poisoned apple that would put Snow White into a state of suspended animation.

Ingredients were:

Belladonna to cause delirium and hallucinations.

Henbane as an anesthetic potion, as well as for its psychoactive properties in "magic brews." These psychoactive properties include visual hallucinations and a sensation of flight. Common effects of ingestion of henbane in humans include hallucinations, dilated pupils, restlessness, and flushed skin. If you mix belladonna and henbane together, you have a very powerful anesthetic potion.

Aconite which causes asphyxiation and would've killed her but it would've made it painless and would've calmed her.

Jimson Weed would be added to the anesthetic potion, as it causes hallucinations. So, instead of dying, she would've been put to sleep because there are too many anesthetics in the brew. Of course, you wouldn't call it sleep, because it is a sleep in which there is no air. Like the Queen disguised as the old peddler woman said, when Snow White eats the apple, her breath will still, and her blood will congeal. So, the aconite would not only stop her breathing but it would cause her blood to clot excessively since the blood has oxygen in it, too. Of course, Snow White didn't die from it. All the ingredients I've mentioned would only put her in a state of suspended animation.

White Snakeroot is non-toxic unless in the milk of cattle. It is used for curing ague, diarrhea, kidney stones, and fever. It can also be used to revive unconscious people. It, of course, was added as a way for the real antidote, Love's First Kiss, to take affect and that antidote's power lies in the apple itself. Throughout history, the apple has been a symbol for love and sexuality, which is why Love's First Kiss woke her up. Apples are full of Vitamin C and promote strong bones and blood sugar regulation. It is also full of flavonoids and antioxidants that neutralize harmful free radicals.

The antidote in the Evil Queen’s senile old mind does not bother her because she believed the Dwarfs, thinking Snow White was dead, would bury her alive.

She goes to Snow White in her old hag form knowing that Snow White’s kindness towards others and inability to be deceived by appearances since beauty is found within would be easy to prey upon.

That and she’s also Christian as seen when she prays to God to “bless the seven little men who were so kind to her.” That Christianity plays a big role in the poisoned apple scene. It’s understandable, not just because she’s 14 and children are easier to take advantage of than adults but because of a Bible scripture that she may have heard of and took to heart.

Hebrews 13: 2 states, “Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by doing so, some have shown hospitality to angels without even knowing it.”

Of course, we see that Snow White is clearly creeped out by the old woman as she backs away from her advances. So, she might’ve eaten the apple just to humor her so that she’d leave her alone. So, she was just being polite.

Now, contrary to what people believe, Prince Florian is not a necrophiliac. The kiss was a goodbye kiss. He was mourning for her.

I know that Snow White wouldn’t be rated G if it were made in present day.

We have scary images from when Snow White is in the Black Forest and the comeuppance of the Evil Queen.

But it was the first animated feature-length film and if it had flopped, Walt Disney would’ve lost everything. He wanted it to be timeless and he made it so.

#disney princess #snow white #historical accuracy #analysis #character info #snow white and the seven dwarfs

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angelkurenai · 4 years

Text

Find me - Chris Evans x Reader

Title: Find me

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

Warnings: Age gap (maybe? both very legal anyway, but also inspired by ‘Call me by your name’)

Summary: Being away on college most of the time, you spend the holidays with your parents for the sake of family time. So when your father invites his good friend and business partner, Chris, to spent the holidays with you there is not much you can say or do about it. You’re only left to reminisce the previous summer when you first met him, the sparks that flew and an almost-affair with the older man that could very easily happen any given second.

“You know, if it wasn't for such a beautiful view I'd really think you are trying to avoid me.”

His voice was smooth, soft and warm. Such a great contrast to the cold environment all around you, so cold that you were sure it had set deep within your bones and that thick woollen sweater did little to nothing to stop it from slipping in. Somehow, it was so warm that you could feel it creeping up your skin. But then again he always seemed to have this effect on you whether it was the coldest winter or the warmest summer. You closed your eyes and hoped, despite your heart's wishes, that it was your own imagination. You had been doing far too much thinking of the man, after all, it could just as easily be possible.

“I-” you started, turning your head to look at him and realize he was far closer to you than you first thought, making you hold your breath “I'm sorry, I didn't do it on purpose. I come here very often.” you mumbled, tearing your eyes away from him to look over at the frozen lake.

“Suppose I can't really blame you for this.” his smile was sweet, if not insanely adorable, as he shrugged a bit “It's not like there is a real reason for you to be in there... much as I tried.”

There was a hint of bitterness, if not sadness, in his voice and eyes. The way he had his hands stuffed in his pockets, with the thick sweater and big jacket nearly swallowing up his entire frame made the broad shoulders that hid underneath nearly disappear. And that was no easy fit, you had seen just what was there – an image that would forever be imprinted in your mind – and you had to stop yourself from looking surprised at how fragile and innocent he looked at the moment.

The man alone could have you staring at him for hours but the sight next to you even more so than ever before. Because on his face you could see the kind of man that he didn't let show very often – not that there really was any time when all you did hear him talk about was business with your father – and you would be damned but you had to be honest at leat with yourself, he was making your heart beat rapidly in your chest. You were scared that if he looked at you in that very moment he'd see it, as if he could read it right in your eyes, and so you looked away hastily.

“Dad and mom don't know about it. I'm just used to doing this for a long time that my parents are too. So even if I haven't told them where I go, they know not to ask. That's all. I- I don't really think I've told anybody else. It's just that-” you chewed on your lower lip “Whenever there's too much going inside my head, being around people only adds to it. It's... hard to find someone that can take away that weight from you and so this place helps. Being alone helps.” you willed yourself to look down at the crisp white snow instead of him.

But you had grown to know him so well, or at least to be able to tell in some inexplicable way, what his reactions would be. The kind of face expressions he'd pull that would have your heart yearning more for him that you were ready to fight with the part of you that wanted to look at him. It was dangerous looking at the man, let alone being with him and even more in such a close proximity. Was he a danger on his own or was it all in your own mind, you had not figured out yet and maybe you wished you didn't get to.

“I know. Trust me I do. I'm just.. I'm sorry for, you know, adding onto that weight. I didn't- I thought- I wanted to-” he stopped himself before he could say more, pursing his lips for only a second before he let out a small laugh.

Bringing a hand out of his pockets he ran his fingers through his hair and brushed away the snow. He let it hand out of his pockets, as if he didn't care for the cold or as if he didn't feel it anymore and you didn't know which was worse. It was probably the third option, though. A temptation. No matter how sweet or innocent it could be, your body had grown used to connecting your need to reach out for him with guilt. Guilt for wanting it, guilt for not trying to fight it, guilt for not being able to, guilt for even thinking of reaching out for him – even if it was simply reaching out to just touch his hand – guilt for so many things that you couldn't even imagine. And yet you could only hold your breath to make sure you held back. You held your breath to make sure you could stifle this deep yearning to touch him. You held your breath and pursed your lips as if to muffle the voice that wanted to tell him just how much he had done for you without knowing it, just how much he had already offered to you. But there was no way that was getting out. No word of that could get out, not outside the safety of your own mind – if you could ever call it safe anymore.

There were times you felt as if you had no control of it whatsoever. Particularly when he was around. But more often than not, he didn't even need to be present to make all sense vanish into thin air and that was the most dangerous part of it all. It had already been proven just how much the man had gotten under your skin – a simple look, a simple touch or a word spoken only for you in privacy like this and you lost all sleep. Granted, you lost all sleep because he did a lot more than just that but you were sure he could just as easily mess you up with a mere move. And the worst was that he could be your undoing without even knowing it.

He sighed, bringing you back to reality and break your trail of thoughts “Doesn't matter what I wanted. Some things just can't... be.”

“Or they could.” and just like that, you were proven right once more; no control over your own self. It was scary to realise he could have such control over you. You almost wanted to beg him to let go of you, to give you this sweet release your mind, body and certainly heart needed, to let you move on. If only he knew that himself, if only you didn't have to voice it and if only none of it could ever happen. Did you or did you not want the last part to be true? Even you had no idea.

“I- I mean-” you cleared your throat, tearing your eyes away from his baby blue ones, so innocent and curious and above all hopeful that your mind frantically searched for something else to make up for what had just come out “This. It's hard to let go sometimes, of- of that weight on your chest, of those words inside your head, of everything, but it's not impossible. The way this place has helped me proves it.”

“I guess.” he looked away from you again and you hated how you felt colder than you had for the entire time you'd been standing out in the snow the past couple hours “Or maybe it is getting away from the source of all your problems that really does the work.”

If only he knew how far from the truth he really was he would have laughed at himself. But it didn't matter because the moment you heard him say those words you realized that underneath the sadness and any hint of bitterness lay the truth you had not been able to detect in his first sentence when he found you.

Your eyes widened in realization and you felt the air get knocked out of your lungs “No.” it was a whisper “No, I'm-” you paused, frowning before you looked down at the snow again almost in shame this time “I'm not avoiding you.”

“Really?” a small laugh, so forced came from him that hurt you even more “I mean, I'm not saying I'm mad at you or anything. You are fully entitled to feel and believe anything you want.” he shrugged a bit, but you noticed the way his eyes had darkened and jaw had stiffened at the words “If you want me gone this instant then I can-”

“No!” and as that vanished every bit of control over your body as you reached out to grasp his arm, making his eyebrows raise in surprise since you had barely been able to stand close to him the past couple of weeks, let alone have any contact and, well, yes you had been avoiding him worse than the plague.

“I-” you cleared your throat, pulling your hand away “I wanted to say that it's not you. The holidays, no matter how relaxing can take a toll on me. What with running around all day for the perfect gifts, or decorating, or helping prepare all the meals it can get really hectic. And not to mention dad talking all about work is more tiring than worthy of admiring. I needed the break.”

His eyes stayed focused on you for a couple more seconds and you were almost certain that if his gaze were to get more intense you wouldn't be able to last much longer in your clothes because of how hot it was getting. In the end he let out a small sigh, not fully relaxed though you could tell, and looked away from you “I guess I don't blame you for that, if anything I really understand it. Not that... I am doing anything to help as it is. I am to blame for it one way or another. I totally ruined your holidays.”

“Wh-what?” it came out shaky, hating how you could only seem to get into misunderstandings with the man “N-no. No, I-I didn't mean that. Believe me, we all are really happy you are here. I would never think that. Dad, well, he just loves his job a little too much and we can never seem to be able to run away from it. Even without you here, he'd talk about it nonstop anyway. Mom joins in sometimes too. Besides that, you have become a good friend to him as you must have already noticed so it's not really all about business.”

“But it still got so much you felt like you needed to run away.” it was true, he could see it just as well as you but part of you still believed that it wouldn't affect you this much if it wasn't for your own feelings. You still looked down in guilt.

“And you still blame me for ruining your Christmas And New Year's. Which is ok, really. I mean-” he laughed, as if to play it off but failed “I'd hate me too if after an entire summer spent talking about business administration and politics, I showed up at the doorstep of your cottage for work when you're supposed to relax. Who knows what you thought when you saw me. I honestly feared you'd throw the pc at my head the second I stepped foot inside the place.”

So that was it. That was the reason why he kept bringing it up again and again. You had a growing suspicion from the first moment but you didn't want to let yourself believe it. How could you? It was the most painful feeling you could remember experiencing in your entire life. To know that he thought you hated him made the whole “stab in the chest” feel far too real to the point you almost checked if it was really physical except for emotional.

“Hate you?” you repeated, your voice barely audible that you didn't know if he heard you to begin with. You didn't know if you even wanted him to hear you.

“Well, yeah.” he smiled but it was so pained and so impossibly wrong that you couldn't stand to look at it. For a person whose smile could light up an entire room and that you couldn't get enough of, this said a lot “Again I- I don't blame you. Suddenly this guy you barely even know, so much older than you, shows up unexpectedly all about business that it's just-” another forced laugh, so much it hurt you more “You know.”

But that was the thing, you knew. You knew your own feelings better than anyone else. And as that you couldn't even believe that's what was on his mind. You could understand that you had probably overreacted, unable to hide your real emotions, when you'd seen him at your doorstep barely a couple weeks ago but it was nowhere near what you actually felt.

For one, you couldn't feel hate in that moment, because it was all shock. You had only been completely caught off guard. Nobody could blame you. After spending months trying to get over the man, to get him to leave your mind even for one damned moment – even though you knew you were the damned one, unable to forget him or the things he made you feel – and just when you thought you were doing a good job at it, that your life was getting back on track at last or at least as much as it could, there you found him a couple feet away. You had not been previously informed, or probably missed it when you father made the announcement, so masking your feelings had seemed impossible. But for him to take your surprise as hate, you didn't know what went wrong. It should be a good alternative to the indifference but you couldn't bring yourself to let the man think that.

You had known then that it was only a matter of time, seconds at worst and minutes at best, before you found yourself tripping into that hole again. And you did. And even worse, you knew there was no amount of time that you spent away from him that could get him out of your head or your heart.

Your heart, yes. The second reason was that, and it was the most simple of all. You couldn't feel hate because all you could feel for the man was immense love. You had spend an entire summer around the man, he had slowly but surely found his way into your heart. Amongst the soft smiles and kind looks, a sort of tenderness you had not seen before directed towards somebody and that you didn't think was possible, his attempts to make you more comfortable, to get to know you in ways not others bothered to and that you needed deep down, you found it impossible not fall for him. His looks didn't help in your situation sadly. And it was all of it combined that had made the past summer the best and worst of your life altogether. You were probably a fool and a masochist for wishing to relive the summer again and again if you could, especially when you had danced so dangerously close to the thin line that separated acquaintances and possibly friends from something much more intimate. Had you let yourself really act upon your feelings that almost affair could have fully blossomed, but you tried your damn hardest to keep the occasional flirting to only that. You couldn't afford to let it get to that. You couldn't afford what a relationship with your father's business partner could bring no matter how much every cell in your body craved that. There was too much at stake and far too much to lose.

Even if you'd already lost every chance at finding another man interesting or attractive or simply good enough, able to make you feel the way he did, even if you'd already lost your sanity and your sleep... there still was a lot to lose.

“Is that what you really think?” before you realized it the words were out in a whisper.

For a moment he didn't reply and you thought he hadn't head you but in the end he looked back up to meet your gaze and shrugged innocently “I wish I didn't. Really. But I honestly... don't know. Then again-” he looked away from you, biting his lower lip for a moment “I don't know many things as it seems. Not the ones that really matter at least.”

“I don't hate you, no.” you shook your head, arms wrapped around your middle tightened their hold “For the simple sole reason that I never could. I feel far too many things for you to hate you.” you didn't know if you meant for him to heat those words or if your lips were speaking on their own, but either way he caught on it and when he looked at you so carefully trying to hide any surprise or hope from pouring out no matter how hard, you knew you had to say something more before it got to the point where there was no coming back.

“I- I appreciate you far too much. You're a good man, Mr. Evans. Aside from a honest business partner, you're trustworthy, loyal and straight forward and I know that it extends to your every relationship – not just work. My father considers you a friend for a reason and I trust that reason well enough.”

“So... for that reason you don't hate me.” relief was mixing with some kind of uncertainty, hesitation and even disappointment on his face.

“For that reason, Mr. Evans, yes... For that reason.” you mumbled, the lie slipping past your lips so painfully, making you wish that the muscles of your heart would simply stop moving for good.

For some reason he laughed, a hollow laugh once more. You frowned, looking back at him. He only questioned to your unspoken question “Is it that hard to call me Chris? I mean, am I really that old?”

Despite the cold, you felt your cheeks heat up “I- I-” you blinked “No, of course not. It's just that- I'm only trying to bepolite a-and, you know, it's out of respect. I'm sorry, really, I only-” but every excuse died out in your lips when you saw the way his smile faded second by second “You're not old.” you said more determined and open than you had been the past hour or maybe weeks “You're not, really. Yes, I know very well that it may have seemed as if I believed the opposite, as would anyone else my age but then again I am nothing like my peers. You, Chris, are somewhere within your thirties, not unable to walk across the road and it's a real pity for the poor soul that can't appreciate all the wonderful things you can offer in a relationship. Whatever the nature, o-of c-course. And as for me... I'm well within my twenties and most people around me treat me like I'm no older than a little kid, as they've always had. And while my parents may have good intentions or love, it still doesn't stop bothering me. There are still things I don't know, just like you, but what I do know better than anything is that age is merely a concept. A number as they say. And I was never, and I mean never, one to base my opinion on a number, I want you to know that. Feelings on the other hand...”

“Feelings?” the snow crunched under his feet as he stepped closer.

For a couple second your kept eye contact with the beautiful deer that had stopped very close to the lake. You smiled ever so slightly, feeling more calm as you always did when coming here but, strangely, not enough so “Feelings are... without age, Chris. Nothing and nobody should tell you or me... or anyone else how to feel. Wether your twenty or thirty or even seventy, it's all the same. Feelings are for humans and the beautiful ones like happiness, wonder, calm, love-” your eyes focused on his before you looked away hastily and almost full of guilt “We should all experience them without guilt and without doubt. Cherish them, that's what's important, nothing else.”

“Some things are easier said than done, though.” sadness slipped through.

You sighed, nodding your head “Yes they are. That's also part of being human I suppose. Part of living... part of feeling. Even... pain is part of living. Along with separation.”

“Some would say they're more part of our own decisions.” there was some strain in his voice, as if a weak attempt to convince you of something. Something greater than he'd dare say out loud even though there was nobody to hear you. It was going to be between the two of you, whatever you said or did.

You didn't dare agree with him, not out loud. The beautiful deer jumping away made a sound that startled you and out of habit you looking around to make sure it was just the two of you “What are mom and dad doing? Are they still in?”

If he recognized your weak attempt at the change of subject, he didn't comment on it “Oh yes.” he smiled “Your father found this French book of the '80s and is trying to read it to your mother by translating bits and pieces. I wouldn't say it's a successful attempt but it's an attempt nonetheless.”

“Ah yes.” you found yourself smiling as well “Trying to speak french to each other to be all romantic and show their love and what not. If only you'd seen them in Italy.”

“Really?” he grinned and you giggled, actually giggled.

“Oh yes. We were there uhm two years ago, yes, for summer vacation and we were staying in this beautiful villa. It looked a lot like that at least. With another couple and, well, they were Italians but I think the woman was French too so one moment dad would be all 'Buongiorno principessa!' to 'Più vino, signorina?' for 'More wine, miss?' to oh I don't know 'Tu es superbe mon amour!' and it was crazy!” that earned a warm laugh from him “Probably the most confusing summer of my life, I don't even want to think what that family must've thought of them. For a moment I seriously considered pretending we weren't related.”

“Oh come on!” he laughed, wholeheartedly, in such a way that warmed your heart “It's not that bad, it can't have been. They're actually lovely people! And it's so beautiful to see them still so much in love.”

“It's only beautiful when you spend a week or two around them, not when you're around them all year round. Trust me after the first ten times, it gets to the point where you just want to either shoot yourself or put some tape over their mouths. Or maybe both.” you huffed and he grinned even more widely.

There was even a hint of mischief there that you didn't get to question before he spoke “So I was right then.” he straightened his back “You were trying run away from us.”

But this time his words were much more light, playful even, than they had been at first. You shrugged a bit shyly, smiling softly “Them. Not you.” you mumbled “It's just... I love them, of course I do, but I- Sometimes I wish I could get away from it all, even for a small amount of time. To be able to act as I want and as I feel.” you looked down at your hands, letting out a breathless laugh before you realized it “And that is also something I've never told anyone before. How's that possible now?”

You didn't ask it, but when you met his eyes you knew he could also hear the question you didn't dare say. Maybe even, as his look mirrored yours, he asked the same question. What are you doing to me?

But for the both of yours sake neither of you asked it. Instead you pulled on a small smile, and said almost playfully “See, now you know all my secrets. Are you going to tell mom and dad?”

“Oh no.” it took three full seconds before he laughed it was forced “Don't worry about a thing. Your secret's safe with me. If anything-” his smile fell a bit “I can understand. Better than anybody else.” the silence that followed was short but very much necessary after his words, filled with such honesty and yet too much emotion to keep talking after it.

Not that when he did again, his words were the kind of liberation you were seeking for “I have a house by the sea, a cottage, back home. It's big enough. It's empty most of the year but I- I do occasionally visit. It's quiet and it's... well, you could call it isolated but I say quiet. If you want-” he licked his lips that had gone far too dry for his liking “If you ever want to go there, I... I could take you. You'd love it, the place is something like out of heaven and the house has all the accommodations and more. Plus, I'm sure your parents wouldn't have a problem, you said you go on vacation on your very often as it is.” your lungs were burning from the lack of air more than they would from the temperature itself but you wouldn't dare even let a breath out for fear of missing a word. Maybe if you missed a word you'd think you'd misheardand not being sure that this kind of proposition was real would be the biggest shame in the world.

Chris held our gaze for a couple moments, but you were afraid you looked like a deer caught on headlights and so he took your silence for the complete opposite of what it really was “Not that you're not all welcomed. If- if you don't feel like it then they could come along. There is plenty of sp-”

“Then what would be the point of it? If not to get away, to act on how I feel, what would be the point of it?” you cut him off, in a such a gentle voice that he couldn't miss a word of. But he heard it all.

“Yes, I suppose there would be no point.” his words were faint as a whisper, his smile even more faint only because he tried to keep his hopes from getting up.

“I'm usually free during weekends during the semester, and sometimes I could find three days off too. I could- I'll see when I'm free and let you know of it.”

“Of course. Of course. Even-” he nodded “Even if I'm not here, your father has my phone and-”

“But you could give me your number too, right? While we're here, I should probably have it anyway. It's not like... they have to know. I don't always tell them about where I go all the time. They... won't ask either.”

“That could work too, yes.”

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atinyrabbit · 4 years

Text

love/hate songs

Since 8tracks is messed up and playmoss is gonna disappear and Spotify doesn't have many songs, I’m posting some of my playlists here. This is a list of songs about love/hate relationships for pairings. Enemies to lovers, tsundere personalities, hero/villain couplings, opposites attract, loving someone you know you shouldn't. This list is several years old so the songs are older and kinda ‘scene.’

Major trigger warnings for the lyrics of these songs. Some songs have violent lyrics. This playlist romanticizes conflict.

Song list under read more:

Love to Hate You - Erasure Nicotine - Panic! at the Disco Don't Let It Go To Your Head - Fefe Dobson Your Love Will Kill Me - Daniel Lavoie Bruises and Bitemarks (Remix) - Good With Grenades October & April - The Rasmus feat. Anette Olzon Violator - Son of Rust Sick Amore - El Creepo Disgusting - Ke$ha Dangerous - Depeche Mode Oleander - Mother Mother Fear & Delight - The Correspondents Love is a Suicide - Natalia Kills Sex as a Weapon - Pat Benatar I'd Love To Kill You - Katie Melua Before I Ever Met You - Banks Rent - Pet Shop Boys Helpless When She Smiles - Backstreet Boys Holy - Zolita Strangelove - Depeche Mode I Won't Say (I'm In Love) - Susan Egan Can't Feel My Face - The Weeknd Only You - Ellie Goulding Devil Devil - Milck Livin' In A World Without You - The Rasmus

Hate Love - Adelitas Way Suddenly - Peter Heppner Sick and Twisted Affair - My Darkest Days Radioactive Mirrors - Amazinglyjon Dangerous - Cascada Violence (Club Mix) - Grimes & i_o This Is Love - Air Traffic Controller Make Hate To Me - Citizen Soldier Gently Break It - Beck Pete Portrait of a Female - Cruel Youth This Could Be Love - Alkaline Trio Lie, Lie, Lie - Myra You Give Love a Bad Name - Bon Jovi I Only Wanna Be With You - Volbeat Maybe You're Not the Worst Thing Ever - Cast of Galavant I've Got You Under My Skin - Seether Human - Oh Land Le Bien Qui Fait Mal - Mozart, L'Opera Rock Can't Help Falling In Love [Light x Dark Remix] - feat. Brooke Tommee Profitt Fell For You - Green Day Stupid Grin - Dragonette Broken - Lauren Hoffman Take Me to Church - Hozier Super Psycho Love - Simon Curtis Whip - Mr.Kitty Get You Off - Fefe Dobson Crazy Girl - Ke$ha Vice - POP ETC Cannibal - Silversun Pickups Rest in Peace - Original Cast of Buffy The Vampire Slayer Hem of Your Garment - Cake Tear You Apart - She Wants Revenge Truth Or Dare - Marianas Trench We Sink - CHVRCHES Gingerbread Man - Melanie Martinez You Stupid Girl - Framing Hanley Die For You - Red F*cking Boyfriend - The Bird & The Bee Mean - Nicole Dollanganger Must Be Crazy for Me - Melissa Etheridge That Girl - Alexz Johnson FMLYHM - Seether Bad Romance - Halestorm Aquarius - Within Temptation Flirt (With Me) - Zeromancer I'm With Stupid - Pet Shop Boys Stop This Song (Love Sick Melody) - Paramore Trying Not To Love You - Nickelback Kill for You - Zolita A Love Like War - All Time Low You Need Me - SWANS Hatef--k - The Bravery Bottled Affection - Cold War Kids True Love - ThouShaltNot Terrible Thing - Ag I Can't Decide - Scissor Sisters Exit Wounds - The Romanovs Gun - Chvrches Every Breath You Take - Chase Holfelder Whole Lotta Love - Smash Mouth Bloodsport - Sneaker Pimps XXX - Imran-C Bitter Rivals - Sleigh Bells Destruction Of Us - Mr.Kitty Teeth - 5 Seconds of Summer Love Me Dead - Ludo Paralyzed - The Used River - Bishop Briggs Neon - VERSA Sucker For Pain - Lil Wayne, Wiz Khalifa & Imagine Dragons I'm Your Villain - Franz Ferdinand Beautiful Monster - Ne-Yo I Own You - Birgit Let Me Be Your Armor - ASSEMBLAGE 23 Perfect Enemy - t.A.T.u. Straight for the Knife - Sia One More Night - Maroon 5 I Hate You (Don't Leave Me) - Ke$ha The Moth - Aimee Mann Mad Love - The Veronicas Toxic (Acoustic Britney Spears Cover) - Johnny Goth Bad Intentions - Digital Daggers Shut Up - Nick Lachey Soldier - Bitter Ruin First Bad Habit - Vanessa Hudgens In The Darkness - Dead By Sunrise Tearin' Up My Heart - *NSYNC You'll Be Back - Original Broadway Cast of Hamilton & Jonathan Groff Crazy In A Good Way - VERIDIA Combat Baby - Metric In Bluebeard's Castle - Unwoman When Doves Cry - Prince State of Seduction - Digital Daggers Whataya Want From Me - Adam Lambert Broken Inside - Broken Iris Murder (feat. Minx, Chilled) - Boyinaband Why Do You Love Me - Charlotte Lawrence Follow You Home - Nickelback Love To See You Cry - Enrique Iglesias Impressed - Natalie Imbruglia Die For You - Megan McCauley Your Kind (Speak to Me) - Danger Radio Tyrant - The Bravery Violent Games - Polica Toxicated Love - NEO Nemeses (feat. John Roderick) - Jonathan Coulton Miserable - Lit Running From My Shadow - The Velvet Teaparty Barricade - Stars Trouble (Stripped) - Halsey Brutal Hearts - Bedouin Soundclash Desire - Meg Myers Sticks And Stones - The Pierces Just the Girl - The Click Five Himerus and Eros - The Spill Canvas Blood - In This Moment I'm Insane - Myah Marie Fiction (Dreams In Digital) - Orgy Whore - In This Moment Monster - Ryan Adames Foundations - Kate Nash Only When I Lose Myself - Depeche Mode Hatchet - Archive The Beginning of the Twist - The Futureheads Change - Deftones Trust Me - Marc Senter Love Me Hate Kiss Me Kill Me (Scndl Remix) - Fukkk Offf Big Bad Handsome Man - Imelda May The Mighty Fall - Fall Out Boy My Obsession - Cinema Bizarre Stitches - Orgy Miss Kiss Kiss Bang - Alex Swings Oscar Sings! Sweet Dreams - Beyonce Fuel To The Fire - The Maine Closer (Nine Inch Nails Cover) - Niki Barr Band Clueless - Orla Gartland Devil Woman - Cliff Richard Hatefuck - Motionless In White I Love You But I Don’t Like You - Molly Moore Overpower Thee - AUF dER MAUR Get Down On Your Knees And Tell Me You Love Me - All Time Low Post Blue - Placebo Genghis Khan - Miike Snow Poison - Alice Cooper I Know I'm A Wolf - Young Heretics Little Toy Gun - honeyhoney I Miss the Misery - Halestorm Dirty Sticky Floors (radio mix) - Dave Gahan Clarity - Zedd I Get A Kick Out Of You - Frank Sinatra I Hate Myself for Loving You - Joan Jett and the Blackhearts Die for You - Otherwise Labyrinth - Oomph! Black Black Heart - David Usher I Want to Destroy Something Beautiful - Josh Woodward I'm a Priest - Daniel Lavoie You Need Me - SWANS Afraid of the Dark - Phildel Virus - Ryan Adames I Wanna Be Your Dog (remix) - Emilie Simon Hello Goodbye - The Beatles Sarcasm (Album Version) - Get Scared Use Me - Hinder Poison & Wine - The Civil Wars Pretty When You Cry - VAST Tainted Love - Soft Cell Scream - Avenged Sevenfold Think About It - Danger Radio Gallery Piece - Of Montreal Bang Bang Bang Bang - Sohodolls Little Girls - Say Anything I Hate Everything About You - Three Days Grace Love Runs Out - OneRepublic Disarm - Smashing Pumpkins Hit Me Like a Man - The Pretty Reckless Bang Bang (feat. Adam Levine) - K'naan Hurts So Good - John Mellencamp Addicted - Kelly Clarkson Whiplash - FEMM Paralyzer - Finger Eleven Crime - Temposhark Misery Loves Company - Emilie Autumn It Was Good for You Too - Marian Call Price Of Company - The White Tie Affair Burn! - Kobra And The Lotus I Love My Lawyer - Ofelia K I Want Blood - empires (I Always Kill) The Things I Love (ft. The Real Tuesday Weld) - Claudia Brucken Misery (Cutmore Radio) - Maroon 5 Fire and Ice - Pat Benatar I Lust You - Neon Neon Pistol Whipped - Marilyn Manson Bitches Brew - Crosses A Formidable Marinade - Mikelangelo And The Black Sea Gentlemen Control - Puddle of Mudd Scary Love - Skye Sweetnam Loveyouhateyou - Sad Robot Untangle Me - Snow Ghosts A Little Taste - Skyler Stonestreet E.V.O.L - Marina and the Diamonds (You're the) Devil in Disguise - Elvis Presley Shut Up & Kiss - Me Orianthi Cool for Chaos - Nostalghia Oyeme - Enrique Iglesias I Hate You - Sick Puppies GirlShapedLoveDrug - Gomez You Only Tell Me You Love Me When You're Drunk - Pet Shop Boys Need You Like A Drug - Zeromancer Werewolf - Cat Power Bathwater - No Doubt Bad Dog - Neon Hitch Guns And Horses - Ellie Goulding Rev 22-20 - Puscifer Won't You Please Be Nice - Nellie McKay The Perfect Drug - Nine Inch Nails Until The Day I Die - Story of the Year Womanizer - Britney Spears Build Me Up Buttercup - The Foundations I Think I Love You David Cassidy Stalkers - Mindless Self Indulgence Kill Me Every Time - Blue Stahli Preface - FKA twigs Every You Every Me - Placebo Want - Disturbed Spit It Out - IAMX Destroy Me - Mr Kitty My Sweet Prince - Placebo Psycho - Imelda May Monster - Meg Myers Figured You Out - Nickelback Suffocated Love - Tricky Satisfy Me One More Time - Frank Sinatra This Love - Maroon 5 Miss Jackson (feat. Lolo) - Panic! At The Disco Fire and Ice - Pat Benatar Every Other Time Lyte - Funky Ones How Do You Love Someone - Ashley Tisdale Poison - Gin Wigmore Bitter and Sick - One Two The Outsider - Marina & the Diamonds True Love (feat Lily Rose Cooper) - Pink Bad Boy - Cascada Irresistible - Temposhark Painkiller - The Queenstons Born to Die / Russian Roulette - Amazinglyjon Like Sugar - Matchbox Twenty Mad About You - Hooverphonic Stupify - Disturbed Problems - Mother Mother What Is Love - Haddaway Animal - The Cab Marionette - Antonia I Hate You But I Love You - Russian Red Carve A Name - Mother Mother Criminal - Britney Spears Danger - Hilary Duff Fell in Love w/an Android - Simon Curtis Demon Lover - Róisín Murphy Always - Saliva Too Close - Alex Clare Little of Your Time - Maroon 5 Sex and Violence - Scissor Sisters Electric Storm - Delta Goodrem Black widow - Susanne Sundfør Dangerous Kind - Rasmus You've Really Got a Hold on Me - The Miracles Over and Over - Three Days Grace Devour - Marilyn Manson Nature of Inviting - IAMX The Odd Couple - Weezer Hurt Me Harder - Zolita Terrible Love - The National Mad Love - Jojo Boomerang - Reliant K Bad News - Sleeper Agent I Was An Island (EP Version) - Allison Weiss Rock Bottom - Hailee Steinfeld You’re the One That I Want - Lo Fang Poison - Rita Ora Kill For You - Skylar Grey ft Eminem Wouldn't Be Love - Ritual Hate Me - Nico Collins Irresistible - Fall Out Boy I Love You... I'll Kill You - Enigma

#enemies to lovers #fanmix #three days grace #simon curtis #love hate #Playlist

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ptergwen · 4 years

Text

to be held

warnings: just the floofiest fluff and lots of kisses

summary: a snow day with tommy boy

a/n: it’s been a long ass minute hi guys!!! i’m so sorry for not posting i’ve been super busy with school and all that stuff BUT i have a bunch of wips rn! imma make up for it i promiseeee. until they’re all done here’s this :,) sidenote: stay safe from miss corona! always wash your hands after (and if) you go out or sanitize if you can’t! regular cold symptoms doesn’t = coronavirus! this is all really scary but try not to panic, just pay attention and take care of yourself bby

—

it’s a given that days off are a rare thing you and tom get to have. his demanding schedule and your own social life don’t allow for a lot of downtime, so tom’s break between onward press and uncharted filming has been a god send.

catching up on much needed sleep, self-care days with shared bubble baths and face masks, and video game sessions (that you mainly enjoy because of tom’s arms around you to help with maneuvering the controller) make up your current routine. the most you’ve had to worry about lately was what takeaway place to get dinner from.

you’ve definitely spoiled yourselves, but so what? you deserve it. doing nothing is everything you two need right now.

today greeted you with piles of snow covering your driveway and the streets, which gave you an actual reason to stay in. it also made the freezing cold london weather even worse. tom insisted on a hot meal for your troubles. you were planning to crank the heat and leave it at that, but he wants to show off what he learned from the cooking lessons sam has been giving him.

plus, you’re hungry, and he’s so adorably excited to make breakfast for you.

once you’re swaddled in a fuzzy spider-man blanket that you may or may not have stolen from tom, you head downstairs. you find him in the kitchen gathering ingredients. there are already two mugs filled with hot chocolate and mini marshmallows on the table. sam must have taught him well.

one says “tea’challa,” and the other is shaped like the iron man mask. if something is marvel themed, tom buys it. you chuckle to yourself at your fanboy of a boyfriend and hug his waist from behind, blanket hanging around your arms.

“you’ve turned yourself into a burrito. that bad?” tom turns his head to give you a cheeky smile, a box of pancake mix in his hand. the cold doesn’t hit him the same because he’s his own personal furnace. how convenient for him.

“and i’ve already raised the heat. i’m running out of options here, tommy,” you whine and tighten your hold on him. “i’ve got one for you. after breakfast, we could cuddle for a while? how’s that sound?” “mm, let’s go for the whole day. i feel warmer just hearing about it.”

still smiling, tom pecks your cheek and walks over to the stove. you keep clinging onto him while he makes the rest of the batter. it’s like how a koala is with bamboo. after pouring the batter into a pan, tom turns around fully in your arms. you take the opportunity to bury your face in his chest, feeling absolute bliss in being flush against him.

he’s soft and warm and shaking with laughter. he’s better than hot chocolate on a snowy day.

“love, what’re you doing?” tom laughs out and holds you at arms length. you make a noise of protest, going back to your new comfort spot; him. “i don’t know, pre-cuddling with you? yeah, that’s what i’m gonna call it. pre-cuddling.” “oh, so this is a warm up. literally.” your scoff is muffled by his shirt. he engulfs you in a hug with arms around your lower back.

you pull away slightly to pepper his chest with kisses, earning another breathy laugh from him. you know his sweet spots. after one more kiss to his collarbone and a low call of your name, his hands move so they’re holding either of your sides. “don’t get me wrong, y/n/n. i’m super into pre-cuddling, but there are pancakes that need to be flipped.” “damnit, tom.”

huffing over-dramatically, you free him from your arms. he looks you up and down. grabbing the pan off the stove, his gaze lingers on you. of course he picks right now to be a tease. the chills are starting to make their way back, and your blanket doesn’t do much about it. nothing can top the way it feels to be held by tom.

“can’t believe you have the audacity to leave me for pancakes. pancakes that aren’t even from scratch, at that,” you tease. the look of shock on tom’s face puts a satisfied smirk on yours. “hey, i’m a beginner! sam says i have to work my way up to making my own recipes.”

proving his point, he flips a pancake too high by accident and just catches it in the pan. he silently cringes at the almost kitchen disaster. “i see that now,” you remark, making tom groan and turn to face the stove.

he plates the slightly mishappen pancake and less confidently flips another while mumbling something about how it worked when he tried it with sam. not wanting him to discourage himself, you hold him by his waist again and place a few kisses behind his ear, which always drives him crazy.

“you’ll get there, baby. i’m sure the way you’re making these will come out just as good. it’s really cool that you’re giving this a try, yeah?” “thanks, love. you’re right. i’ll just take it as a miracle that i‘ve come this far without burning the house down.” he’s half joking but half serious. your lips trail down to his jawline, him tilting his head back to encourage you to keep going.

“you’re really good at that,” he breathes out as you press more soft kisses to his skin. “good at what?” you feign innocence in practically a whisper, since you’re close enough for tom to hear. his eyes close for a moment before he shuts off the stove and puts the pan down. he faces you again with slightly parted lips.

“distracting me. that’s twice today. it’s like you want me to actually set our house on fire, y/n.” he contradicts himself by pulling you closer, his hands on your hips. you let yours move up to his shoulders and tilt your head to the side.

“well, at least that would make it warmer.” “you’re such a div, you know that?” tom squints at you with a small grin, leaning his head down. he purses his lips expectantly. now it’s your turn to be the tease. “stop using british insults at me and go finish breakfast, chef holland.”

his grin fades. “but- but my kisses-“ “they can wait, but my stomach can’t. i’m gonna go set the table,” you pat a pouting tom’s shoulders, leaving him to go through the drawer you keep silverware in.

after putting out forks, knives, napkins, and grabbing toppings from the fridge, you go back over to tom. he steps aside to present two plates with bigger stacks of pancakes than you were expecting on them. “tada! i made a few more for your impatient stomach. or rather, bisquick made a few more.” he does jazz hands around the spread, both of you sporting matching smiles.

you look down at what he made and back up at him. “tom, baby, you think that’s a few?” “you said you were hungry!” picking up a plate, he makes a ‘duh’ face and holds it out to you. you take it. “fair enough. these do smell really good. like, really really good. are we sure the right holland is in culinary school?” his humble side takes over, a light shade of pink dusting his cheeks.

“aw, don’t say that before you’ve tried them.” “then i’ll say it again after i do.” you poke one of his blushing cheeks and nod towards the table. shaking his head, tom grabs his plate and walks over with you.

you both sit facing the window to watch the snow fall as you eat. even though it’s freezing you, it can still be pretty to look at. multitasking is a virtue. you load up your plate with maple syrup and chocolate chips, tom opting for fruit on the side. he sips his hot chocolate and watches intently as you cut your stack of pancakes.

licking your lips, you dip a piece into some syrup. you’re happily surprised at the taste of your first bite, bumping tom’s leg with your own to express what you can’t say with a full mouth. he leans in closer.

“how is it? good?” his eyebrows are raised in anticipation, trying to gage your answer. you turn to him and throw your arms around his neck all in one movement. he catches you and giggles as you kiss all over his cheeks, nose, forehead, and finally his lips, letting that one last the longest. your hands slide down to hold tom’s arms, him stealing another kiss from your lips.

he’s so precious that you sometimes have to find other ways than words to tell him that.

“in case you couldn’t tell,” you start, out of breath. “that’s a yes. i’m enrolling you in culinary school for real.” “that’d be fun. sam could use some competition.” “and you’d get to bring home more really good food for me.” he chuckles and rests his arm across the back of your chair, each of you ready to fully dig into your breakfast.

tom has the same reaction that you did, his face lighting up in awe at how the pancakes turned out. you’re tempted to launch another kiss attack on him, but your grumbling stomach wills you to finish eating first. it’s worth it. both of you end up clearing your plates and staring out the window at the mess of white and grey, too full to move.

“it’s really coming down out there. wonder when it’ll stop,” tom yawns and settles his arm around your shoulders. “that reminds me. cuddles?” “ugh, i physically can’t get up right now. let’s stay here.” you have to admit, you’re already pretty comfortable.

moving your head to rest on tom’s chest, you nod, your hair tickling his neck. you outstretch the spidey blanket still on you for him to get under. he wraps the rest of it around himself and leaves a quick kiss on the top of your head, leaning further into your side.

soon, your chills are long forgotten.

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sylvie-writes · 4 years

Text

A Unique Birthday Cake

This is for @marvelinsanity . Sua, I wish you the happiest of birthday wishes! I hope you have an amazing day despite our unfortunate circumstances. Ily! Thanks for always being so inclusive and friendly!

Please send her some wishes tmrw, everyone! She is truly an amazing person!

I know your birthday is tomorrow, but I just couldn’t wait hehehe. Don’t worry, I’m gonna post your request and a lil something else tomorrow too ≧◡≦

(I swear I’m done bothering you after that lol)

Please pardon any mistakes, I’m half asleep.

This morning Wanda and Nat came bursting into your room at the ungodly hour of 7 am. To some, 7 am wasn’t early, but try having a pre-birthday dinner with the Avengers the night before and then we'll talk.

“(y/n) c’mon get up! We are going birthday shopping!”

You tiredly groaned and covered your head with Steve’s vacant pillow, in hopes of shunning the overly-peppy women away. It’s not that you didn’t appreciate their kind gesture, but birthday shopping was the last thing on your to do list, more in favor of getting some shut-eye.

“Nat, Wanda. I love you both, I do, but pleaseeee let me sleep.” Silence now filled the room and you assumed they had gotten the message.

Apparently you thought wrong.

Natasha then pried the pillow from your deathly grip while Wanda pulled back the bed covers, making you shiver, covered in nothing more than shorts and t-shirt. Steve must’ve set the thermostat to polar again.

Not all us can be fine while in the ice for seventy years, sir.

“We got teaaaa.” That’s all it took. Wanda’s tempting offer made you hop up from the bed. You passed them and made a beeline straight for the kitchen, not caring about your messy appearance.

Before you made it four steps out the door, Natasha grabbed you by the shoulders, turning you to look at her and Wanda.

“Oops, forgot to mention you have to get ready first!” Her smirk made you sick, as you scowled at her, pouting like a child on your way to the bathroom, complying to their orders.

“You two are cruel.”

Wanda and Natasha then high fived at their small victory, actually heading to the kitchen to make you tea, for real this time. By 9 am, the three of you had already made it out of the compound and to the bustling and ever famous, 5th Avenue. In all your years spent in New York, not once had you stepped foot on 5th Avenue. When you made your confession to Wanda and Natasha, you were sure they’d die right on the spot. So now, you three giddy women went to all the fancy and exquisite stores, not actually buying but just looking for your own entertainment.

You hadn’t known, but Wanda and Natasha were helping out Steve who was planning his very own surprise for your birthday.

“Guys, be serious.” Steve was now using his Captain voice, he clearly meant business.

“We’re listening, Cap.” Directly across the island counter, Bucky, Sam stood, trying to contain their laughter once more.

“How the hell do we make this cake?” Bucky just lost it at Steve’s truly innocent question. Sam quickly shot his arm out to steady the cackling man.

“Ok, whew. Step aside. Let the pros show ya.” At the confident remark from his friend, Steve stepped aside in surrender allowing the men to do their thing.

If you are wondering how Steve got here, it all started last week.

You were in the compound kitchen, helping Sam prepare a last minute dinner since it was his night to cook. The whole team had just gotten back from a long and draining mission, especially looking forward to a home-cooked meal. Unfortunately, the compound’s pantry was completely desolate, leaving Sam completely clueless as to what to do for dinner that night. Just as Sam was about to dial takeout, you and Steve strolled in. The two of you were now in a much more jovial mood after getting cleaned up and basking in the feeling of being home.

“Hey Sammy, whatcha cookin’?”

The distressed man then flung you the ragged Chinese menu and a frown made home on your face.

“Hold that thought, because there has to be something.”

When Sam didn’t get the message, you walked up to him and took the phone, ending the call.

“Why’d you do that!”

“Because we will find something to eat.”

While you and Sam had your own staring contest, Steve wandered off to the pantry, checking its contents for himself.

“Hey doll! There’s some bread in here, and a few cans of tomato soup.”

You looked away from Sam and ran to Steve.

“You're a lifesaver, babe!” Swiftly, you pecked him on the cheek, swiping the cans of soup from his arms.

“Now if we have some cheese, I’m sure we can make some grilled cheese sandwiches.” At your appeasing offer, Sam visibly brightened up.

“Sam, can you start the soup while Steve and I make the sandwiches?”

And needless to say, everything went smoothly, that is until you let Steve cook one sandwich and he burnt it to charcoal.

How that happened, you have no clue.

In the kindest way possible, you let him down gently, because he was trying his best. A sullen look crossed his face and you felt like you had just smacked a baby. Without second thought, you got on tippy toes to deeply kiss him trying to give some reassurance.

“Cooking is a tough science, don’t sweat it, darling.”

So maybe he couldn’t scramble an egg, but he sure as hell would try to learn. With your challenge still fresh in his mind, Steve thought making a birthday cake for you would be none other than the best time to show off his baking skills. That man was never one to cower down from a challenge.

Now here he was, staring at the cake recipe as if he were trying to escape Alcatraz. One word came to Steve’s mind when he thought about either. Impossible.

“You good, buddy?” Bucky looked over to Steve whose eyes were locked onto the piece of paper, clenched tightly in his hand.

“It can’t be that hard right?”

Sam and Bucky just looked at each other shrugging.

“For gosh sakes, you can fight Hydra, but the big scary cake monster is deathly terrifying?”

In mock horror, Sam brought his hands to his face, mimicking a shocked look. Steve just rolled his eyes and playfully slapped Sam on the shoulder.

“Let’s just get this over with.”

That was three hours ago.

In such a short time the men managed to make a complete mess. When Bucky said pros, Steve really should’ve known better.

The kitchen was completely dusted in the white, snow-like, flour. Sugar nestled within the powder while vanilla extract absentmindedly flowed off the counter and to the floor. Up against the oven, Sam slumped over and across from him at the sink, Bucky was trying to wash cake batter out of his hair. Steve just looked in utter shock at the scene, it looked like a war zone, and he’s seen plenty of those.

Oh and the cake…

Can it even classify as a cake?

Because from where Steve was standing, it looked like pizza dough. The whole way through Sam kept reprimanding that it’d look better in the end, decorated in frosting, but my god there was no saving this… creature.

“So about what I said earlier,” Steve looked over to see Sam staring at the ground, obviously contemplating his life choices, “I’d like to revoke my statement.”

Hell, they’d gotten this far.

Steve walked over to the frosting, which, thank the heavens, was store bought. Completely traumatized and absorbed in the whole situation, he just lathered on all the frosting. With a gel icing, he carefully penned out your name and ‘Happy Birthday’.

Really the only thing going for that “cake” was his neat penmanship.

So maybe you were right.

Unfortunately it was too late to order a real cake. Steve would just have to face the consequences and cross his fingers that you wouldn’t break up with him.

By time Wanda and Natasha had ushered you home, it was 4 pm. Today you were just so caught up in all the fun that you completely forgot about Steve which made you feel terrible. Knowing Steve, he went all out for your birthday, you just hoped you hadn’t ruined it.

As you walked into the compound, everything seemed perfectly normal, which quite frankly kind of disappointed you, until you rounded the corner to the kitchen. The lights were off, but soon came on when Sam, Bucky and Steve popped up around the table, presenting a... dough ball????

You got closer and realized it was a cake. Or was supposed to be.

“Please don't break up with me, doll.” Steve nervously bit his lip and you reached up to stop him, then full on laughing, grabbing his broad shoulders for support.

“Oh Stevie! Don’t be so dramatic. I’m actually really looking forward to what happened.”

Steve then pulled out your chair as everyone else settled around the table, where the dough baby idly was set upon.

The three men told of their tale while you ladies laughed over ice cream, a quick solution thanks to Wanda.

Sam and Bucky continued to tell their more animated version of the story, while Steve leaned close to you, wrapping his muscular arm around your waist with lips pressed to your temple.

“Happy Birthday, Sweetheart.”

#steve rogers #chris evans #chris evans x reader #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x you #steve rogers imagine

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innocentsshounenjuujigun · 3 years

Text

04. Chestnut — do me justice

((I wrote this a good while ago but never posted it here, sooooo here we are! A very sad fic featuring Henri, Nicolas, Etienne, and Henri’s issues. It’s one of those stories that really highlights how fucked-up Henri’s whole situation was, while also being something of a character study on the poor kid. :3))

. . .

Henri is a knight now, or so he’s told. It’s the kind of thing he’s always wanted, but now that he has it, now that he has a sword at his hip, he’s not too sure if it’s really going to be okay. He’s not sure if he can do it.

The long days of walking are exhausting. Carrying his sword at his hip makes Henri’s whole body feel lopsided and uncomfortably pulled to one side. The sword is almost as big as he is; Henri isn’t sure if he could swing it if his life depended on it. As much as he wants to be a knight and protect Etienne, the idea of cutting a real, living person still scares him.

But... Nicolas needs him. Everyone needs him. They’re the twelve disciples who are meant to protect Etienne from all harm, and Henri’s in too deep to back out now. They all are. There’s no going home even if they wanted to. There’s no abandoning the Children’s Crusade anymore.

No matter what happens.

Henri thinks these things as he’s curled up in his bedroll, trying not to cry. He can’t cry anymore. He’s a man, not a baby, and crying isn’t acceptable now. The lambs look up to him. Nicolas needs him to be strong.

The night air is cold. Insects chirp faintly in the distance. Winter is coming, and the bugs are slowly fading for the year. There are less than there was the week before, and the week before that. Time is passing little by little. Every day, Henri gets farther and farther away from his home, away from his family, and even though he wants to be a brave knight and come home in glory and honor... he gets the feeling that there won’t be a ‘going home’ at all. He made his decision, and now... that’s all there is.

Henri brings himself to his hands and knees. Etienne has white hair now, and eyes bluer than the sky. Etienne makes miracles happen, and if any miracle needs to happen to Henri, it’s making him into enough of a knight that he’ll be able to keep up with everyone else in the Crusade.

Standing, Henri slips out of his tent, leaving his sword behind. The camp is quiet. It seems like everyone is asleep but him.

Nicolas tends to patrol late at night, though, and Henri needs a walk anyway. He needs some time to think. It’s not like he can sleep very well when his mind is mulling over quite so many awful worries.

Henri slinks through the camp as quietly as he can. He makes his way to the outside, to where no one is curled up and resting, and then he breathes a sigh of relief. So many children in one place are exhausting... even though Henri himself is barely out of the lower age range of the lambs.

That’s a thought that makes him feel absolutely useless.

Out in the woods, the air smells like moss, undergrowth, and pine. Henri walks through crunching leaves and roots that threaten to trip him, right up until he gets around the camp and to where he knows Nicolas sleeps. At the head of everyone. The leader who won’t let anyone slack off or be left behind. Simultaneously the harshest person there and the one who won’t allow anyone to get hurt. Anymore, Henri doesn’t know if he respects Nicolas or is a little afraid of him. His friend has changed.

“Who’s there?” Nicolas’s voice calls, tense enough that Henri knows immediately that he’s in one of his moods. One of the ones where he tries to be tough like Guy... even though Henri knows much, much better.

“Um, just me,” Henri says quietly, as to not wake anyone.

“Henri? What are you doing up this late?”

“Couldn’t sleep... So I got up to walk around a little bit. That’s all.” Henri knows that it sounds stupid, but it really is the truth.

“You can’t sleep? You’ve gotta be kidding me. After all the walking we’re doing, I’d think that someone like you would pass right out.” Nicolas’s tone is almost joking, but Henri bristles a bit. He doesn’t like the implication that he’s the weak one here. Even though... he probably is.

“Well, I couldn’t. I’m sorry for bothering you...”

Nicolas makes a face that Henri can only sort of see through the darkness. It’s not quite annoyed, but it’s missing a softness that Henri is used to seeing from Nicolas. It’s missing something important.

“Sit down,” Nicolas says. “Let’s talk.”

Henri obeys.

He settles on the ground next to Nicolas’s sleeping place, where Nicolas is sitting cross-legged with his sword in his lap.

Nicolas never lets that thing go, Henri has noticed. He’s so attached to the concept of being a knight that the sword never leaves his side. Just watching it, Henri doesn’t know if he should feel jealous of Nicolas’s courage or worried for his friend. It’s not normal to be like that. Even for someone like Nicolas, it’s just plain weird to be acting so differently out of nowhere.

But Nicolas is strong, intense, and brave, and Henri has no room to complain. He knows it’s better to be tough and dedicated than it is to be a sniveling coward who cries at every little thing that happens.

It’s better to be like Nicolas than to be like himself.

“What do you want to talk about?” Henri asks in a soft tone. He’s almost scared of what the answer is going to be.

“The journey, I guess. What we might face in the future. This isn’t our village anymore, you know? We’re really out in the world, going on an adventure and becoming knights. It’s what I’ve always wanted, Henri. After all this time, I’m going to be a knight just like my dad.” Something in Nicolas’s tone is a little too fervent. Henri isn’t sure he likes it. Nicolas’s dad is a dead man, after all, and Henri doesn’t want Nicolas to be ‘just like that’.

“Y-Yeah... We’re a long way from home. I kind of miss it. It was peaceful there. Not... where we have to worry about so many things.”

Henri drops his head to his tucked-up knees. He knows that Nicolas is going to be mad at him for that one, but he can’t keep his mouth shut so easily. Somehow, his real feelings always seem to come spilling right out.

“Quit being such a baby, Henri,” Nicolas snaps, just like Henri expected. “This is a good thing. We don’t want to be stuck in that stupid, tiny village forever. We want battle! Glory! We want to be men, not ignorant children who never even get to leave their hometown.”

For a moment, Henri wants to comment that it’s not like Nicolas has a family to leave behind. He doesn’t have a mom who will cry when she misses him or a dad who will never have another son. He doesn’t have a little sister who’s forever going to wonder where her big brother went because she was too young to remember him before he left. Nicolas doesn’t have anyone who will miss him. It’s different for someone like that.

“I guess so,” Henri says instead. Then, “You’re really brave, Nicolas. I don’t know if I’ll ever really feel like that. I just... I don’t know.”

“You will,” Nicolas insists.“You’ll understand soon enough. You’re a man now, Henri, so you’ll get it soon enough. You’ll grow up just like the rest of us. Or at least, you’d better. I don’t want to be lugging around a kid just because you can’t grow a spine. Etienne is counting on us, so you have to get a pair and start acting like you’re someone he can rely on.”

Henri can’t help but sigh. This is exactly what he expected, but hearing it doesn’t make it hurt any less. He sucks in a breath of cool night air and closes his eyes for a moment. Etienne really is relying on him. That part is true. And Henri... he wants to be someone that Etienne can trust.

Nicolas always says that there are bigger things waiting for them, that there’s glory just beyond the horizon. Henri doesn’t know if he believes it. Most of the time, it just seems like the only thing waiting is trouble.

“I will,” Henri says, just because it feels like he’s supposed to.

“Yeah, you will. You can be a knight, Henri. I know you can do it. You’ve gotta do me and everyone else justice, so make sure you do.”

Henri doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t know what to do with that much pressure put on him all at once. Just a few weeks ago, he was a kid who’d probably never set foot outside his hometown, let alone fight anyone or have to be a knight. Now, he’s on the road every day, getting farther and farther away from everything he’s ever known. Now, he’s in a world of pagans, Knights Templar, and holy lands just out of reach.

“...I’m gonna go sleep now.”

“Good idea. You’ll get tired out tomorrow again, so go rest. No one wants you complaining that you’re tired all day.” Nicolas laughs at that, but Henri doesn’t think it’s very funny. He’s doing his best, just like the rest of them. What makes him so easy for everyone to make fun of?

Henri stands up and leaves Nicolas and his sword behind.

He’s tired. He’s way, way too tired-- in a way that seems to have nothing to do with sleep. Henri’s whole head feels weary in a way that he can’t stop. He wants to lie down, curl up into a little ball that nothing can hurt, and stay there until the world quits being so scary. Until he can wake up in a place where the hard part is already over.

On his way back to his sleeping place, though, this time cutting through the rest of camp. He’s too tired to care much if he wakes someone.

But... close to where he sleeps, Henri sees a familiar white shining in the moonlight. Etienne. His hair is the color of the moon itself now-- a brilliant white that Henri thinks would put even snow to shame.

Henri steps a little bit closer to Etienne, watching the other boy’s face closely. This is the person who brings about miracles. This is the one who Henri’s supposed to give his life to protect. Yeah, Etienne has always been the kindest, purest person Henri’s ever known, but... he’s still scared. He doesn’t know what it means to give his life for someone, and he’s not sure if he wants to. Why can’t he just live by Etienne’s side? Why does he have to die to prove himself as worthy?

It feels like Etienne would be happier if they were all alive.

After a moment of Henri staring, Etienne’s blue eyes flutter open. He blinks sleepily for a moment before his gaze lands on Henri.

“...Henri? What are you doing?”

“Um, just... heading back to bed,” Henri says with what he doesn’t quite think is a smile. “I took a little walk, but I think I’m sleepy again now.”

“You look scared.”

Henri tenses. Of course Etienne would be able to pick up on something like that without even trying. Either that or Henri is just a lot more obvious than he thought he was. He bites his lip. Now Etienne will chew him out too, or at the very least say something disappointed enough that Henri will wish he’d been angry instead. Both options are bad.

“J-Just having trouble sleeping,” Henri tries to dismiss, even though he knows that his voice is shaking.

“Then... come sleep beside me,” Etienne says in a tone so tender that it takes Henri’s breath away. “Get your bedroll and lie down here. It’s easier to sleep when there’s someone there with you. There’s space. I’ll say a prayer for you and the Lord will allow both of us to rest peacefully.”

“Okay. Um, b-be right back!”

Henri scurries away. He doesn’t know if he’s blushing from the kindness or about to cry, but oh, Etienne’s words hurt worse than any scolding from Nicolas. He wants to settle in by his friend like a child and sleep peacefully, but the world he’s in will never allow peace again.

‘Do them justice’, Nicolas had said, right before the biggest reminder of all had come in and whacked Henri in the face.

Henri picks up his things quietly. He can’t stop the occasional sniffle from escaping him, even as he bites down on his lip to stifle the tears. He can’t cry. He has to be a man. He can’t disappoint them.

Henri walks back to where Etienne is waiting.

He’s scared.

#Innocents Shounen Juujigun #Etienne #Henri #Nicolas #Fic

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canonismybitch · 4 years

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Little Ducklings

By @canonismybitch for @just-the-daydreamer

@friendly-neighborhood-exchange

Rating: Not rated

Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Michelle Jones & Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Academic Decathlon Team, Bruce Banner & Roger Harrington

Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark, Michelle Jones, Ned Leeds, FRIDAY, Academic Decathlon Team

Summary: Peter Parker was sick, and he would not let that keep him from going to his Field Trip. It also gave Tony a reason to take over the tour.

Hey Beca! Surprise!!!! I’m your off-holidays secret santa! I really hope you enjoy the fic!

Peter Parker-Stark was not having a good day.

But that wasn’t unusual, was it?

No, his luck had never been the best to begin with, so bad days were something he had grown used to (as sad as that was).

But his bad days were usually because of the villain of the week, or a study session for Decathlon he had forgotten about (but MJ hadn’t, because she never forgot stuff like that). Sometimes it was gym class and having to pretend that he was weak and couldn’t do the exercises like his classmates; some others because he had to leave Ned and MJ staying up for him to watch a movie that would have to wait because people apparently forgot that kidnapping was illegal.

All in all, bad days were even more common than good days, so it wasn’t at all surprising.

What was surprising was that Peter woke up sick.

Sure, he had been a very sickly kid all his childhood (and part of teenagehood, even if the word sounded weird), but after his run-in with a certain radioactive spider, Peter had had nothing else but perfect health. Ever since that horrible night when we spent an uncountable amount of time puking his guts out and fever-dreaming, he had not been sick. Nothing. Nada.

For four years.

So why the hell did he feel like dying?

Peter hadn’t felt more nauseous in his life. Well… except for that time when the spider bit him and his stomach had felt as if it was fighting a war with food (and losing), but that time he had actually thrown up.

Today he had woken up feeling as if all his dinner (and midnight snack) would be coming back up, except they hadn’t, and Peter had felt miserable all morning, especially when he had to bend over to pick his clothes even though his dad always told him to leave your clothes somewhere where I can’t step on them, Pete.

[He’d listen to his dad from now on. Maybe.]

His dad had left him a note on the kitchen next to a plate of pancakes that, if it were any other day, would’ve smelled heavenly. As it was, Peter just grabbed the note and ran (power walked, really) out of the kitchen so he could read it in peace.

Hey kiddo! See you in a few hours ;) Pls eat breakfast. It’s chilly out so grab something comfy, I don’t want a repeat of last Xmas. Love you! Dad

Peter sighed, if it were for him, he’d have stayed in bed all day, but nooooooo. Today had to be his Decathlon team’s field trip to the Tower and he knew that he wouldn’t be able to miss it. He didn’t even want to miss it. Sure, most of his class didn’t believe him, but he really wanted to show his home to Ned and MJ, since they could never visit because your dad is Iron Man! Danger! Authorized personnel only!

Besides, he would even get to show the team that the internship was real, maybe that way they’d stop calling him a liar behind his back; as if their whispers were subtle. Peter bet that he would be able to hear them even without his super hearing.

“Peter, Mr. Hogan is waiting for you in the garage. I would advise you to eat your breakfast while it’s still hot.”

Peter hurriedly grabbed a hoodie that someone (probably him) had left draped over the sofa and ran to the elevator. An unhappy Happy was not someone anyone ever wanted to encounter.

(Sometimes he wondered if the Happy from Snow White could ever be unhappy like his Happy. Not that he ever told anyone.)

People at school were staring at him for longer than usual. Peter thought it had something to do with the fact that his skin was most definitely green and that it looked as if he would make a dash for the bathroom at any second. Belatedly, he thought about the bus ride to the Tower and prayed to Loki (because Uncle Thor never really answered) that he wouldn’t have to ride at the back.

“Well, someone's feeling bold today. What gives, eight legs?”

Peter jumped a little when he heard MJ appear behind him and grab the sleeves of his hoodie. Ned wasn’t far behind her.

“What do you mean, MJ?” Peter turned around to look at her, “Bold?”

MJ let his sleeve go, an are you serious, Parker? look in her eyes that he knew too well.

“Dude! That is so cool! Tony lets you use his clothes? I thought they’d fit better but that hoodie is super baggy, where did you get it? Did you raid a cardboard box with other cool stuff? Did you find any science trophies-?”

Peter was pretty sure his face was the epitome of confusion, and MJ was merciful enough to put him out of his misery.

“The hoodie, loser. It says ‘Stark’ on the back.”

Oh.

Peter must’ve grabbed his father’s hoodie from his MIT days. Tony had a habit of leaving it in the living room for Peter to use when they had a movie night. Clint had called it proof of the Dadvengers being an actual thing, but his dad had thrown the bowl of popcorn to the archer’s face and that had been that.

[That had not been that, and Tony was now the (questionably) proud owner of a pair of Crocs that had big plastic letters with the word DADVENGER on the front. Not that Peter knew that.]

It made sense though, Peter always went to that hoodie for comfort, and today had been especially shitty.

MJ threw an eraser to his forehead, counting on Peter to catch it and snap out of whatever it was that he was thinking.

“It looks good on you, nerd. Now hurry up, because I am not sitting at the back of the bus and I’m dragging you two dorks with me.”

And with that, MJ turned around and started walking towards their bus, expecting Ned and Peter to follow.

Of course they followed. They were best friends with the scary lady, they knew that nothing good would happen if they didn’t. It wasn’t until they had already taken their seats that Peter remembered MJ liked to ride on the back and sketch people’s faces.

Awwww, so she did love him.

Flash made sure to kick his leg as he made his way towards the back of the bus.

“Good thing I’m not going to be anywhere near you, Penis. You look like you’re gonna toss your cookies at any moment-” Wait, was Flash worried about him? Did he really look that sick? “-I’ll make sure to film it though, maybe show it to every single employee we find, what do you think? They’ll see how pathetic the guy posing as an intern actually is.”

Or, Peter thought, maybe he’s just making fun of me.

When the bus rumbled to life, and Peter felt the engine and its little tremors on his whole body, he had to hug his stomach and bend until his head was practically hidden between his legs. Because of that, he didn’t get to see Ned and MJ exchange looks that practically screamed this idiot is actually going to toss his cookies, isn’t he?

Knowing Peter as well as they did, they figured out pretty quickly that he probably had decided to come on the trip just for them. And, yeah, they loved the adorable dork, but the second he was feeling better MJ wouldn’t hesitate to punch him for being an idiot.

Though, judging by the way Peter groaned and buried himself in his hoodie, they guessed the nausea (and the migraine that the spiderling felt coming) was enough punishment for now.

Ned shuffled on his seat until he managed to get his jacket off and proceeded to drape it like a blanket on top of Peter, who hadn’t even noticed that he was shivering until he felt the very warm and very comfy fabric on top of him. It smelled like Ned and his lavender cologne, strong enough to comfort him but light enough to not make him puke.

Peter still groaned when he felt the bus do a particularly nasty jump that left his stomach rolling and his head bouncing, which did not help his headache at all. The sound of a pencil over paper told him that MJ was having way too much fun with his misery. Flash’s snickering wasn’t really welcome either.

Mr. Harrington? Well, at this point he and Ned were the only people he would tolerate, so he wasn’t too angry when his science teacher knelt beside him.

“Peter? Are you feeling okay? I brought some Benadryl you can take if you’re feeling bus sick, maybe even some gum?”

He knew that his teacher meant well, but the thought of the peppermint gum his teacher was sure to be carrying made his nausea worse. Shaking his head was also out of the question when he felt his headache spiking into there’s a hammer on my skull levels.

Thankfully, he had the best friend in the whole world, and he spoke sick Peter (though he was a bit rusty in the language, the spiderling hadn’t been sick for a long time, though you didn’t hear Ned complaining about that).

“Uh, Mr. Harrington? Peter’s fine. Just, don’t mention the bus sickness? Or the gum?”

Their teacher –bless him– just gave them a look before going back to his place at the front of the bus.

When Peter’s head bounced again after their driver decided that he wanted to play a game of how to drive through the lanes with the most bumps, MJ sighed and threw her sweater at the vigilante. The smell of her fabric softener and the soft wool made for the perfect pillow, and he was out like a light for the rest of the ride.

You know how sometimes you feel sick, and you take a nap to make yourself feel better? But it actually does the opposite and you wake up feeling like shit?

Yeah.

If it weren’t for Ned, Peter thought he might not have been able to sit up from the (very uncomfortable) bus seat. As it was, he faithfully followed his best friends like a baby duckling until they were standing with the whole team in front of Stark Tower.

The oohs and aahs weren’t helping his headache any. Even though everyone from the Decathlon team lived in New York, they stared at the Tower as if it was a view they didn’t see every day.

Even Mr. Harrington looked excited, and he never looked like that unless he was explaining a particularly interesting chemical reaction. Peter wondered if that’s the face he would make when the class gave him the set of new beakers everyone had gotten him for Teacher’s Day.

Memo to me, he thought, remind me to ask MJ to sketch his face that day.

Before he knew anything, they were going inside the Tower.

Right into his home.

Peter’s head felt like it was made of cotton.

His nausea had returned tenfold, and now his muscles felt heavy, stiff. As if he had been gone out on patrol for far too long and his super healing had yet to kick in. Every movement costed him as if there were weights strapped to his limbs.

He knew that he wasn't the only one that noticed.

Still, he took a deep breath, straightened up as much as his rolling stomach let him, and let the glare of the sun right on his eyes and into what was becoming the worst headache of his life.

If anyone at the Tower figured out that he was sick, his dad would worry. Peter didn’t want that.

Surprisingly, Mr. Harrington managed to herd them into a line of students that could have been called straight, except for the fact that Ned and MJ had decided to be his personal bodyguards (how they were going to guard him from the worst case of flu he had ever experienced, Peter didn’t know) and stand at his sides in case he decided to take a little tumble. Still, since they were at the end of the line no one really seemed to mind.

They got Eloise as their tour guide. Peter liked to give tours of the Tower masquerading as an intern, and Eloise almost always ended up with him as her shadow. They had bonded over their sixth (seventh for Peter) sense that warned them of people trying to touch stuff they specifically told them not to touch. As much as Peter was relieved that their guide was someone he knew (not that he didn’t know everyone in the Tower), the second Eloise laid her eyes on him she’d know that he was sick. And if she knew, it wouldn’t be long before Tony did.

Sure enough, her eyes lingered a bit longer on his form before she clapped her hands animatedly and addressed his team.

“Well hello, Midtown! It’s a pleasure to have the winners of the National Academic Decathlon competition here at Stark Industries! I’m sure your teacher has gone over the rules with you, but you’ll have to bear with me,” his classmates were too busy being excited to really care about having to wait a few seconds longer to go inside, even MJ seemed especially attentive. “Our most important rule here at Stark Industries is that we do not condone harassment. If we see you harassing any of your classmates or any of our employees you will all be required to step out of the building. I know that it’s not fair for those of you that are sweet and innocent angels, but you have to be accompanied by your teacher at all times, and if one person has to step out, all of you have to follow. There are no warnings, no third strike, you’re out. You harass anyone, you’re out.”

Unsurprisingly, everyone subtly (and not so subtly) looked at Flash, promising him hell with their glares if he got them kicked out of the coolest building in the world. And –as if they had rehearsed it– all the team nodded at the same time.

Eloise smiled at them.

“Great! Now, rule number two is very simple: you do not touch anything unless you have permission. You will not believe how many times this rule is broken in our tours, but I’m counting on you to be a good group and keep your grabby hands to yourselves.”

That said, she clapped her hands together and motioned for the team to follow her through the metal scanner that doubled as an entrance to the public. Everyone followed Eloise through it without a second thought, probably ignoring the fact that their faces were being scanned as they walked right through. It wasn’t until Peter made his way to his teammates that FRIDAY spoke up, effectively scaring everyone into jumping a couple of feet in the air (even MJ, and that gave him bragging rights for months).

“Hello, Peter. It’s odd to see you back so soon, is everything alright?”

By force of habit, Peter answered the AI before he even realized that said AI had no right to be familiar with him.

“Hey, FRI! I’m on a field trip, not that you didn’t know that.”

“Your sassiness has been noted, Peter.”

He smiled at the ceiling as he often did when talking to FRIDAY, but someone clearing their throat brought him back to the very real fact that his Decathlon team was staring at him as if he had grown a second head, or those extra arms Ned liked to talk about.

“Stop stealing the attention of my tour group, puppy eyes. We have a schedule to follow.”

Eloise winked at him, purposefully using the nickname Clint and Nat had made for Peter. The vigilante mock-glared at their guide, but dutifully acted like a duckling and following her to the elevator.

His team kept staring at him.

Maybe he had grown an extra set of arms after all.

“Boss, Peter is in the building and he is looking remarkably under the weather.”

Tony looked up from his cup of coffee, half a cookie in his mouth.

“Run that by me again, FRI?”

“Peter appears to be exhibiting symptoms consistent with the flu, sir. Very noticeable nausea, very slow walking, and possible headache.”

Tony rubbed at his forehead, exasperated. His kid was going to be the death of him, and it wasn’t even 10 AM.

“Did he even eat breakfast, FRI? Like I told him to?”

“Negative, Boss. His pancakes are on a lunch box in his backpack. By my calculations, they are already cold and possibly unappetizing.”

This time, Tony let his head drop to the kitchen counter with a quiet thud. His teeth catching on the uneaten remains of the cookie.

“This kid…”

Riding on the elevator had been a Bad Idea. With capital letters and everything.

The moment they had started moving upwards to what Peter could see was floor 47, his nausea started up again, worse than ever. Dizziness had also decided to make an appearance, and for a good 12 floors, he had to lean on Ned to avoid dropping like a sack of potatoes on top of Cyndi and Charles.

MJ made sure to take a picture of his face so she could draw it later.

She also kept one of her hands hovering behind his back in case he decided to topple over Mr. Harrington instead.

When the elevator doors opened after what seemed like an eternity, Peter was one of the first people out, vowing to himself to never go inside an elevator again.

(He knew he’d have to break his vow the minute the team had to go to lunch, but he ignored that for now.)

“Well, Midtown, we’re on floor 47. This is one of the more advanced sections of the Tower, and tour groups aren’t usually allowed up here, but Mr. Stark made an exception for you guys. You can thank puppy eyes over there, Peter’s his personal intern and probably the reason you’ll get to meet some Avengers today–” everyone erupted into squeals of excitement, most of the team looking at Peter as if they were seeing him for the first time in their lives.

“Wait, so you do have an internship here, man?”

“And you’re Tony Stark’s personal intern?”

“Think you can give us a tour of the super-secret stuff, Parker?”

Oh, Thor. His team was staring at him as if they wanted to eat him alive.

“I’m afraid Peter can’t show you any classified stuff, or he’d risk being fired. However, we can continue on with the tour and I’ll show you to the super cool lab that’s right behind you.”

And with that, everyone turned to look at the glass walls that separated them from what Peter knew to be the prosthetics lab. From what he could see, Bruce was working down here today.

Apparently, his classmates made the same discovery promptly after Peter did and had started to whisper animatedly about Bruce Banner being right in front of them oh God they should have brought a picture of him so he could sign it.

If his team had been a bunch of puppies, they would have all been wagging their tails.

It was kind of cute, actually.

“Boss, Peter and his team are down on the prosthetic lab on floor 47. Dr. Banner is also working there at the moment.”

Tony grinned, grabbing his third cup of coffee and making his way to the elevator.

He had a kid to take care of, and two best friends he needed to meet.

The moment they stepped inside the lab, one of the interns –Mark?– grabbed Peter by the arm and dragged him to one of the tables at the center of the room. (And– yep, there was the headache again.)

“Uh, excuse me– I can’t allow you to take a student from the group–”

“Roger? Roger Harrington?”

Every single person in the room simultaneously turned to look at Dr. Banner and Mr. Harrington in what would have been a very comic reenactment of a tennis match if it wasn’t for the fact that Bruce Banner apparently knew Mr. Harrington and he hadn’t thought to tell them.

“Dr. Banner, ah… I didn’t think you’d remember me.”

Bruce came up to their teacher and hugged him.

Honest to Thor hugged him.

“Of course I would! Peter likes to talk about his science classes and your name comes up once in a while. He’s one of our best engineers, by the way, you’ll have to excuse us for trying to steal your student; we don’t usually get him to come down and help with this lab, even if it was his idea in the first place.”

The tour group had turned to look back at Peter, who by that time had made use of one of the stools in the lab and had sat down to examine what looked to be a prosthetic hand.

(Well, the tour group minus Mr. Harrington, who looked ecstatic about one of his students telling Dr. Banner about his science class, that he enjoyed.)

Queens’ vigilante was valiantly ignoring the looks his classmates were giving him, opting to test the mobility on the prosthetic arm he was working on. That didn’t stop him from listening to Flash’s sputtering, and Peter cracked a smile at the finger his bully was pointing at him.

“I did tell you I had an internship…”

“But you didn’t tell me that you had a Field Trip today, kiddo. Shouldn’t I have signed something?”

So this is how Peter died. The flu wouldn’t kill him, oh no. The flu was there to make him feel even more miserable while he watched his dad making his way to his table, Spider-Man mug in hand and sunglasses on, walking in like he owned the place (which, he did…).

“Uh… I had my Aunt sign it, sir?”

His dad set the mug down next to Peter’s tools on the table, before making grabby hands at his handiwork and examining, turning it every which way.

The room was eerily quiet.

And then–

“You’re Tony Stark!”

Tony turned to look at the tour group before him.

“And you all have elbows,” at the sight of the kids’ stunned faces, the billionaire shrugged, “What? I thought we were pointing out the obvious.”

He turned to look at back at his son and took note of the hoodie under a large jacket that could’ve only belonged to Ned. He smirked.

“Isn’t that my hoodie?”

Peter grinned back at his father, taking the prosthetic from his dad and carefully placing it back in its case.

“Hoodie? What hoodie?”

Tony just laughed, ruffling his kid’s curls and taking note of the way he winced when his head moved a little too much for his liking.

“Just for that, I’m stealing your hoodie next time I see it laying around in the lab.”

The mechanic’s eyes scanned the gaggle of stunned teenagers and one starry-eyed teacher before he spotted the two people he had been looking for. They were unmistakable, even if he had never met them personally –the walls in his son’s room were filled to the brim with pictures of these two. He pointed at them.

“Ted and Melissa, right?”

Peter hid his head on his hands. Of course Tony was picking today of all days to be a dad.

Ned didn’t look nearly as affected as Peter.

“Yes, sir! Well, kinda…”

His father huh-ed, and then looked at their tour guide.

“Eloise, was it? You’re free to go back to your project. I’ve got the little ducklings.”

She nodded quickly, saying goodbye to the team while Dr. Banner and Mr. Harrington swapped numbers.

Then, Tony led them to the elevator.

Ned and MJ were right there for him to lean on while they made their way to the training rooms. So was his dad, but by this point, he was pretty sure that FRIDAY had told him something was definitely not fine, and he wasn’t about to worry him even more. That didn’t make the elevator ride any less hellish, especially when Flash kept glaring daggers at him.

This time, the elevator stopped at the Avengers’ personal gym.

His class stayed inside the elevator, Tony the only one to actually step out and greet his team. Even though they had known that they’d see their heroes, everyone appeared to be too excited to move.

It wasn’t until FRIDAY had started closing the elevator doors that they all stepped out as fast as they could and gathered around Tony like the ducklings the billionaire liked to compare them to.

“Well! I’m pretty sure you know who they are, you’re free to pester them with questions! And don’t worry, they don’t bite,” he dramatically scratched his chin, “wait, Natasha does bite, but you’re safe with the others!”

His classmates made their way to the Avengers, slowly at first. Then, Clint made a joke and that was all it took before the heroes found themselves answering questions left and right.

Peter stayed by his dad.

Tony hugged him with one arm, both for affection and to ensure that he wouldn’t go say hi to the floor.

“FRIDAY said you were sick, buddy. Why didn’t you stay in bed?”

The spiderling shook his head, before wincing as his headache just got worse.

“I wanted to come. They didn’t believe in my internship, and I really wanted to show Ned and MJ around. Besides, I felt fine yesterday…”

“You should have at least eaten breakfast. You know your spidey metabolism needs fuel.”

Peter made a face.

“I… couldn’t really stomach anything. I mean, I haven’t thrown up yet, but that’s turning out to be a very real possibility.”

His dad frowned.

“When your team goes home I’m taking you down to the medbay, you haven’t been sick since the spider bite and a little stomach bug should’ve been nothing for your healing.”

Peter opened his mouth to answer, but someone yelling his name took his attention elsewhere.

“Pete! We’re gonna do a quick demonstration. Wanna spar?”

Uh, no thanks. He would definitely pass out if he did that.

Thankfully, his dad knew that too.

“Not today, Legolas! Gotta take the ducklings to lunch. Be a responsible tour guide and all that. Midtown! Follow me to the cafeteria, please!”

His classmates waved at the Avengers, taking some last-minute selfies and shaking their hands.

Peter resigned himself to another ride in the elevator.

Peter loved the cafeteria. Almost every day, he’d come down here for a quick snack on his way to help in whatever lab crossed him first, and Martha –the nice lady that sold ice cream– always saved him a scoop or four for when he got out of training. The vendors were really nice, and it was a common floor for all the scientists to have a good time (and a good meal).

But today? Today the mix of different smells and the chatter that could be heard through the whole floor made him want to run to his room and hide under the covers.

“Well, I’ll be checking some stuff on the upper floors while you get something in your stomachs. I trust your teacher to take care of you, but there’s still an AI watching over you at all times. Something happens, you tell her or someone from the staff, capiche?”

Everyone nodded, eagerly looking around the cafeteria and planning their meal.

“Good! Then I’ll leave you be, see you in 45 minutes, kiddies!”

And with that, he was gone, swallowed by the elevator.

The team pushed some tables together and decided that they’d be eating together. It wasn’t different from their breakfasts at the hotel they stayed at for the duration of the Nationals. In fact, it was oddly familiar.

But Peter wasn’t paying much attention.

He was definitely feeling worse after a day of running around in the Tower. The dizziness had definitely gotten worse, as had his nausea. It was horrible.

His headache was no better. The lights hanging from the ceiling were blinding to his sight, and fireworks danced behind his eyelids whenever he blinked. It had extended from the back of his head to his temples, and now even his ears hurt.

So Peter took to leaning on Ned while MJ let him borrow her sweater again, using it as a pillow (again) and draping one of the sleeves over his eyes in hopes of drowning out the light.

Mr. Harrington was definitely worried by now, as was the rest of his team. Not even Flash had made a comment. A quick peek under the sweater’s sleeve told him it was because his bully was not at the table.

It wasn’t until they all started to bring out their lunches that hell broke loose. Someone (probably Jason) had brought hard-boiled eggs, and the second the smell hit Peter’s nose, he jumped out of his chair and made a run to the bathroom, just in time to toss his cookies in one of the vacant stalls.

His stomach rolled and Peter felt oddly reminiscent of the time he had been stabbed on the abdomen last month. The pain certainly was familiar.

It felt as if an eternity passed before he was finally done, even though he hadn’t even had breakfast to begin with.

Someone knocked on his stall.

“Hey, Parker! You okay in there?”

Peter kicked the door open as best as he could when he recognized Flash’s voice. It wasn’t ideal, but he didn’t think that he’d be able to stand up on his own.

His bully grasped him by the shoulders, flushing the toilet as an afterthought, and helped him off the floor slowly.

“Answer the question, Penis. You okay?”

Awww, would you look at that? He did care.

“Just peachy.” He said, before a wave of dizziness made itself known and he promptly passed out.

“Parker? Hey, Parker! Who gave you the right to pass out?!”

Flash was freaking out, but he knew that Peter needed help, even if he was the worst when it came to actually doing something for Penis Parker.

He carefully adjusted his grip on the smaller boy, and prepared to lift him princess-style so that they could get out of that bathroom as soon as possible. He was expecting his classmate to be a little heavy, what with the muscle he had suddenly grown over the summer four years ago.

He wasn’t expecting him to be as light as a feather.

“Mr. Harrington! Mr. Harrington!” Flash yelled as he came out of the bathroom holding onto Peter.

“Flash what did you do?” Ned asked, as he hovered over his best friend, who was slowly waking up.

“He didn’ do nothin’. Hel’ed me…”

Mr. Harrington took Peter from Flash and helped him sit in one of the benches where they had been having lunch.

“Peter? What happened? Can you hear me? How many fingers am I holding up?”

Just as Peter was about to answer (and he was seeing 7 fingers in only one hand, so that probably wasn’t good), his father stepped out of the elevator and ran to where the team was.

“Pete! What happened?!”

Peter groaned, making grabby hands at MJ’s sweater to block out the light and the sound of people talking all at once.

“M’fineee. Just lost a battle with some eggs…”

Tony laughed, if only to reign in his panic.

“Nope, that’s it. We’re making a trip to the medbay. C’mon Midtown, you’re getting to know where all the Avengers get patched up when they do something stupid.”

He went to pick his son up, and frowned.

Peter made it a habit to fall asleep on movie night, and Tony often had to carry him back to bed. So yeah, he knew that Peter was pretty heavy with all the muscle he packed.

He wasn’t used to carrying his son as easily as he had done when Peter was a kid.

Peter had been four years old when he first came to live with Tony.

The inventor had learned pretty quickly that his son was not what most physicians would call “healthy”. His little boy carried an inhaler around as if it was a necklace, and he knew exactly what medicine Tony should give him when he had a cough.

Peter would frown at the food Tony would give him if it had any kind of seafood or citrus until his dad learned all his food allergies.

His chubby hands would play with LEGOs in the living room, and the baseball and the glove Tony had bought were left forgotten in the back of a closet.

Still, the mechanic had learned to play with Peter and his LEGOs, with his coloring books and with his chemistry set. He learned that Peter didn’t like airplanes, and preferred his food to come to his mouth via a choo choo train.

He also learned that when Peter was sick, reading him stories about Tesla and Einstein would put him right to sleep. That the glow in the dark stars on his ceiling had to be blue and not green, because green gave his kid headaches. That Peter’s Captain America onesie was his favorite and he only wore it after a particularly rough night when his coughing fits wouldn’t let him sleep.

He learned never to watch Bambi or the Lion King when they had a movie night, and that Mulan would put his kid right to sleep.

Still, none of those had worked the night Peter turned five years old.

He remembered it clearly. That night, Rhodey had come to visit his nephew for his birthday, and they had had chocolate cake and a strawberry milkshake for dinner. His kid hadn’t been feeling well that week, so Tony and Rhodes had thought it was for the best to distract him with cake and toy trains and a Disney movie. They had even let him wear his Captain America onesie and have dinner on the couch.

But that night, Peter had woken up his daddy, asking JARVIS to bring him to his room because he wasn’t feeling well. Tony had run to his baby’s room and there he was, tears staining his face and a sweaty forehead that could only mean a fever.

He had gotten Peter out of his onesie, and let him hug the platypus plushie Rhodey had given him for his birthday while he went looking in the medicine cabinet for anything that would help with his fever.

Peter had ended up going back to sleep clutching his plushie in one hand and his dad’s shirt on the other.

It hadn’t lasted through the night, and he had woken up again crying about how his head hurt, and to make it stop, daddy! Hurt bad!

His fever wasn’t going down, and Peter wasn’t keeping down any medicine. His coughs had gotten worse and at one point he had needed to use his inhaler.

That night, Tony panicked.

He couldn’t take his kid to urgent care, or he’d risk paparazzi knowing that he had a son the minute they stepped inside a hospital.

But his baby was crying, and no amount of stories about the theory of relativity were making him feel better.

So Tony held his baby in his arms (and he was so so light) and sat down on the rocking chair Rhodey had given him as a joke. And he sang to his son. He sang every single lullaby in Italian he could remember from when he was a kid himself; and when he ran out of lullabies, he sang Disney songs until Peter finally went to sleep.

“You’re going to be fine, tesoro, you’re going to be just fine. Daddy’s here.”

Peter was not happy at being carried princess-style, and he frowned at his father all the way to the medbay. But Tony didn’t seem to notice, too far gone inside his mind.

Bruce was waiting for them when they got to the medbay, and helped Peter sit down on the table Dr. Cho used to examine him whenever he did something dumb on patrol.

Ned and MJ (and surprisingly, Flash) were right by his side while Bruce went through a routine examination on his nephew. MJ was showing him the sketches she had made of him during the day, and even Peter had to laugh at some of the faces he made when he was sick.

“With all due respect, Mr. Stark-” Mr. Harrington said, wringing his hands nervously, “-I’m required to send Peter to the hospital, or at the very least back home where a guardian can be informed…”

Tony waved him off, though not unkindly.

“It’s fine, teach. Peter’s home, and I’m his dad. You don’t have to worry about school policies.”

You could have heard a pin drop in the room.

Then, Peter groaned, shaking his head.

“I can’t believe you actually told them.”

At Tony’s request, the Avengers had come down to the medbay to –according to Tony– entertain their guests until it was time to go home. He bet that the fact that their new tour guides were the Avengers would give those teenagers and their teacher bragging rights for years to come.

Bruce and Tony stayed with Peter while they ran some tests, and Tony had been right in his assumptions. This was no stomach bug.

Someone had actually tried to poison his son.

And he still wasn’t out of the woods.

That evening, after his team had left the Tower and had made him promise that he’d keep them updated in the group chat, Tony went to lay down next to his kid.

Peter had been on and off, waking up from his naps feeling worse and worse until he eventually had to toss his cookies again, before going right back to sleep.

He didn’t wake up until the next morning.

And when he opened his eyes, he saw his dad right beside him, playing with his curls and watching Mulan on his phone.

Peter smiled at him, too out of it to really worry about the fact that he was still sick and that his very scary aunt and uncles were hunting down the guy that had poisoned him two days ago on patrol.

He was, however, very preoccupied by the sight of a familiar hoodie folded neatly at his feet. It smelled like fabric softener and soap, very different from the cologne and motor oil that Peter associated with his dad.

It occurred to him that they had probably needed to wash his hoodie.

So he nudged his dad’s shoulder with his head, and adjusted himself so he could watch Mulan for as long as he could stay awake (which wasn’t very long seeing that his dad was still playing with his hair).

Finally, seconds before he went into dreamland, he murmured into his father’s neck.

“Hey, dad? ‘m sorry ‘bout your hoodie…”

He fell asleep to captain Lee Shang singing I’ll Make a Man Out of You; his dad’s laughter echoing on his ears.

#gift exchange #fic exchange #the friendly neigborhood fic exchange #irondad #spiderson

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faejilly · 4 years

Text

our souls inhabit

so this was originally supposed to be a small Snow White ficlet, (from the POV of the Prince), and it sort of... grew? It is now more of a general Malec Fairy Tale AU, with a sprinkling of my favorite dream tropes. Many thanks to @rutherinahobbit for making sure it’s vaguely coherent for the rest of you <3 The title’s from e.e. cummings’ if being mortised with a dream... as were the last five attempts at a title, because the whole poem’s kind of perfect, but I suppose now that I’m publishing we’re all stuck with this one.

His mother tries to kill him when she realizes what he is.

He runs.

Deep into the woods, where no one ever goes. Deeper still, lost and alone.

Until he finds a house, and in the house is a man, a man with green skin and horns, a man who doesn't flinch at the sight of Magnus' eyes. The man's name is Ragnor and he invites Magnus in, feeds him and tucks him into a bed in the attic, and for the first time in a long time Magnus sleeps without nightmares.

He dreams though. Meets a boy while he's sleeping, an absurdly pretty boy with pale skin and messy black hair, a boy who seems about the same age as him, whose eyes are like the shadows in the woods, brown and green and glinting with warmth like sunlight. He's sitting stiffly on a stump that looks exactly like the one Magnus was on when Ragnor found him.

Are you lost? Magnus asks, and the boy frowns.

I think that might be better than what I am.

Magnus can understand that. He's apparently half-monster, horrifying enough even his mother can't bear the sight of him.

I'm sorry, the boy offers, his eyes damp as if he's trying not to cry. My mother had to run away without me, to save my sister and the baby on the way, but at least I know she didn't want to leave me behind.

The boy's mouth doesn't move, and Magnus realizes neither of them are talking out loud, but they seem to know what they each mean despite that.

I'm sorry, too. Magnus sits on the stump next to the boy, and the boy leans in, just a little, 'til their shoulders press together. They neither of them 'say' anything else, just sit there as the sun shifts and the winds blow through the dream-forest around them.

Magnus wakes, and feels better than he has since he saw his eyes flicker into sight in the bucket of water he'd pulled up from the well the morning his world fell apart.

He grows there, in the house hiding in the woods, taught by Ragnor about what he is, and what he can do. He tries to stay alert, to watch out for that inevitable moment when the man grows tired of him, grows impatient, when the man finally says he's had enough.

It never happens. Ragnor makes him breakfast every morning, helps him brush the mud out of his clothes when he gets caught out in the rain, lingers with him in the garden after lunch, smiles at him over the edges of his books, and always answers every single question Magnus can come up with in the same steady tone of voice.

Ragnor seems to like him, and the night Magnus hugs him before he goes to bed, Ragnor just hugs him back, and pats him on the shoulder when he lets go.

"Sweet dreams," Ragnor says, and Magnus doesn't even try to hide the smile as he wraps himself up in his blankets that night.

Sometimes his dreams are still dark, memories and worries spiralling around each other. Sometimes they're sweet, newly discovered flowers or treats, impossible spells and improbable views, warm and comforting. Sometimes they're of the boy from the very first night, the prettiest boy Magnus has ever seen, much prettier than Magnus feels he could have imagined on his own. Not all the time, not any sort of consistent or expected schedule, but sometimes Magnus goes to sleep, and there he is.

Those are the best nights.

They don't talk much, not even the silent sort of words that form in dreams, but they find comfort in each other as they explore the dream-forest, finding a rabbit warren or a new fairy ring, a cold-sweet spring or a wide-open clearing, a mirror of the world Magnus is getting to know when he's awake. They always end the night at that same familiar stump where they first met, sharing shy smiles or small waves before the dream fades away.

It's nice to have a friend, even one that probably doesn't really exist.

He learns to hide his eyes, settles into the glamour Ragnor taught him, and his dream friend frowns, and asks why he changed them.

I like your eyes, they're pretty.

Magnus tries not to blush, manages a shrug. Most people think they're scary.

People are stupid.

Magnus laughs. Except for you?

The boy blushes, and shakes his head. Except for you.

They boy's barely a boy anymore, taller and ganglier, long arms and legs, hands hanging from his wrists like he's not sure what to do with them. Sometimes he looks at Magnus through half-closed eyes, his lashes thick and dark, and Magnus forgets how to breathe.

Magnus thinks he's the prettiest boy he's ever seen.

Then again, he hasn't spent much time around anyone besides Ragnor and his dream-friend in something like ten years. Ragnor gets visitors sometimes, old Warlocks or Fae stopping by for tea, but they don't usually have much to say to Magnus. They go to some of the towns near-by occasionally, shopping for supplies or seeing a show, but it's still usually just them, lingering in the cool green shadows of the woods.

Magnus wonders what he's missing, somewhere out there.

Tries not to wonder if maybe he could find the pretty boy, somewhere in the real world.

He talks to Ragnor about leaving, a little, about what he should do with his life, with his time.

He's got too much of it just to stay here, lingering and waiting for something to happen.

Magnus mentions that he's thinking of going on a trip to his dream-friend, finally, and the boy's eyes grow wide, and he shuffles his feet, and his mouth tightens just a little.

Magnus waits.

My name's Alexander.

Magnus blinks. That wasn't any of what he thought his friend was worried about. I'm Magnus, he answers, and the boy, Alexander, smiles at him, wide and delighted.

Maybe you'll find me out there somewhere, Magnus.

Magnus swallows, and shrugs, and lets himself hope. Maybe.

He doesn't.

He meets Werewolves and Vampires and Fae. He learns of the world beyond the woods, human kingdoms and cities, people and monsters and heroes. He goes looking for more people like him, like Alexander, like Ragnor, children lost and alone who don't have anyone else waiting for them, who don't yet know how to hide what they are, how to find people with whom they don't have to hide.

Sometimes he helps them settle where they are, with a friend or a partner, makes sure they know how to call him if ever they need his help.

Sometimes he brings them back to Ragnor, to warm tea and cool green shadows, lets them learn, just as he did, how to set their worries down, how to breathe. The house shifts, and every time he's there his room is the same, but there's another guest-room in the attic now, sometimes two, a place for someone else to rest and recover and learn.

Every time he's there he dreams, at least once, of his boy who isn't remotely just a boy anymore. Alexander's a young man now, tall and broad-shouldered, taller than Magnus, with a strong jaw and heavy eyebrows, but still there's that same soft light in his eyes every time he welcomes Magnus back home.

Magnus leaves again, and again.

Magnus meets Camille, who is beautiful and sharp and brilliant and forever. He loves her, and she loves him, and they dance and fight and fuck, they fall together and break apart over and over again.

He returns to the house in the woods regularly, even when he's not carting someone who needs sanctuary in tow. He spends a year or five discussing books and plants and Ragnor's terrible taste in tea. He dreams of Alexander, with his sweet smile and the shadows in his beautiful eyes. He cannot help but be glad that, for as long as the two of them wander their woods, the tension he glimpses in Alexander's posture eases, and his eyes look a little lighter by the end of their visits than they do at the beginning. They smile at each other, here, no matter how tired they might be when they're awake.

Magnus talks about collecting ingredients for potions, about the house's garden and the way it's grown over the years. Alexander talks about archery, and the sound of rain against library windows, and training his new horse.

Magnus talks about traveling, about new sights with every dawn, new people over every drink at night. Alexander's smile seems sad, but he asks more questions, always more, and Magnus wonders where he's trapped, wonders at how carefully he never mentions the names of the people he knows, as if he's afraid, even here, that someone might overhear.

Magnus tries not to think too much about how many years have passed, how many times he's looked for Alexander out there in the world, how he's never found the slightest hint of him.

He meets Imasu, who is sweet but fleeting. George who dies too young. He meets more souls who might love him, but leave him for something more steady, more human. He goes back to the woods to nurse his heavy heart when it gets too much to bear, and Ragnor makes him tea, and his Alexander meets Magnus in the shadows of his dreams and smiles.

Magnus smiles back.

But the dreams aren't every night, and sometimes Magnus wonders what they mean to Alexander, how they fit into the life he lives in his own waking world.

I miss you, Magnus says, and Alexander only shrugs, half-agreement and half something else that Magnus doesn't understand. It's not regret, or hope, but it's not not either of those things either.

They wander their woods, which look much the same as they ever do, eternal and barely changing, just like them.

You always come back, Alexander says instead of good-bye, when the dream starts to fade around them.

I'll always be waiting, Magnus thinks he hears as he blinks awake, but he's not sure if it's real, or only wishful thinking.

Magnus' heart heals, and news from the world trickles even into these woods, and eventually Magnus leaves again. But he always comes back, to Ragnor's warm silences and Alexander's warmer eyes.

Sometimes Magnus asks Alexander if he'd like Magnus to stay, here in the woods where their dreams intersect, but Alexander always says no, shakes his head with a smile. You're never gone that long, and I like to hear about the world you see.

So different than the one he lives in, clearly.

How long since the last time you saw me? Magnus asks. Because he wandered almost twenty years this time, and he may be immortal but that's not nothing, even for him.

Maybe a week? Alexander answers. Why? How long was it for you?

Magnus shakes his head a little. A thousand times as long, perhaps.

Alexander goes still, so still it seems that even the trees could move faster than him, if they so decided, and he sighs out one long heavy breath. Oh. That explains a lot.

It does?

But Alexander doesn't explain. He just smiles again, something sad and sweet both at once, and leans in close enough to brush a kiss against Magnus' cheek.

Magnus blinks in surprise, but before he can even lift his hand to his cheek to feel the phantom warmth from Alexander's lips against his skin, he wakes up.

He gets a message from Catarina only a few days later, asking for his help with a squabble between some Vampires and Werewolves that could too easily escalate into a full-blown conflict, and he leaves the woods without getting to see Alexander again. Not that he's ever been able to control the dreams, or ever known when they're to be separated, but it aches more than usual this time, not getting to say good-bye.

He meets Camille again. She's still beautiful and brilliant but something in her eyes has gone brittle. He tries to be soft enough to soothe, but she just gets sharper, and when they drift apart again this time it's almost with relief.

Back and forth for years, for decades, the house, the world, Ragnor and Catarina and then Dot and Elias, Tessa and Zoe and on and on... Alexander in his dreams, now and then, though it's less often than it used to be, even when he lingers in the woods for years.

One night he finds Alexander at a make-shift archery range, pulling his bow back so far his arms tremble, blood on his hands from where he's let the string snap, let the fletching catch as his arrows fly free.

Alexander. Magnus lingers, a few steps back, magic sparking between his fingers, desperate to reach out and offer comfort.

Alexander chokes, the sound rough and sudden enough to make Magnus' throat ache in sympathy, to make his eye burn with the echoes of grief.

Magnus steps closer.

Alexander, he thinks.

Alexander drops his bow, turns, and Magnus wraps him in his arms.

Alexander's trembling, his breath hot and shivering against Magnus' neck, his fingers digging into Magnus' shoulder as he grips him tight.

My father's dead.

Oh, darling. Magnus hugs him tighter. Alexander has occasionally talked about his mother before, his sister, the baby he never got to meet. He wonders about them, hopes they're all right, somewhere out there. Alexander barely mentions his father, his jaw always tight and his eyes too bright, as if he doesn't know what to feel, what to say, and it's clear his father's death hasn't made that conflict any easier.

Magnus holds him, lets his magic free to heal the physical damage, at least, and Alexander doesn't cry.

Magnus feels hungover when he wakes up, but there's nothing he can do for either of them.

When he dreams again, Alexander acts like none of it ever happened, but there's a shadow in his eyes that no longer fades, even when he smiles his usual soft greeting at Magnus. He's hiding, Magnus knows, but he doesn't know how to help lift Alexander's burden. (Alexander clearly knows that Magnus knows, offering an embarrassed smile and a small shrug. Alexander doesn't know what to do, either.) Magnus does his best to provide a sanctuary, at least, and hopes it's enough, even when they're apart.

Magnus finds his father, entirely by accident. And then he flees him, this terrible Prince of Hell, this darkness that twists and turns and laughs, even as blood spills, even as magic burns innocent lives to ash.

His father follows.

Magnus banishes him. He's not sure if it worked, or if Asmodeus is humoring him, biding his time until he can try again. He considers isolating himself, exiling himself somewhere far away from anyone he needs to protect from the shadows of his father's gaze. But he can't quite make himself do it.

He can't bear to be so alone.

Magnus runs back to hide in his woods, to shelter in Ragnor's care and Alexander's comfort until he no longer wakes up screaming at the memories of hell in eyes that looked just like his own.

Alexander asks him about his magic, asks how old he is, asks how often he comes back to the woods.

Magnus tells him, and thinks they both feel better for it.

Alexander asks him about curses, and hexes, asks about the Fae and Vampires and Demons.

Finally figured me out, did you?

Magnus tries to make a joke of it, but Alexander won't let him flinch.

No, of course not.

Alexander pulls him close, his gaze steady and sincere in a way Magnus has never seen anyone else manage.

I've met evil, and you're the furthest thing from it.

Magnus swallows. He remembers when they met, how Alexander's family had to run away from something, how he couldn't go too. He remembers the grief and guilt in Alexander's eyes ever since his father's death. He thinks of the weight Alexander always seems to carry, even here, in the realm they share that doesn't quite exist.

You're in danger, aren't you? Magnus asks.

Alexander's eyes are sad as he shrugs. Isn't everyone?

Not like that, Magnus wants to lean in even closer, wants to let his fingertips touch Alexander's lips, wants to rest his palm against his cheek. No one should be in danger like that.

But shoulds don't change the world they live in, either of them, so Magnus tells him about blood-magic and hexes, curses and counter-curses, how to spot a Vampire, contain a Werewolf, how to tell when a Fae is dodging the truth even harder than usual, how to hide from a demon.

When he wakes he thinks about Alexander's questions, about curses and wards and the intent behind most magic spells, and he goes digging through Ragnor's library, adds to his list of things to look for the next time he goes out into the world.

Most wards are specific, this counter to that magic, and Alexander isn't a Warlock, he can't tell Magnus enough about whatever it is that he's afraid of for Magnus to know what sort of spell might be cast, which sort of shield might work.

He needs something else, something different. Something that can react to that intent rather than the spell itself?

Something that can dodge it, or move it to the side, or... reflect it?

Seelies are fond of mirror magic. Maybe he'll visit them and see what he can learn.

He wanders, and studies, and life goes on, as it always does.

He has a family now, one he chose rather than the one he'd been born of, and the world keeps growing, and changing, and shifting. Except for the house and Ragnor, who stay the same, cool and green and quiet. Except for Alexander, who welcomes Magnus back to his dreams every time he returns.

It takes a few decades, but he manages to figure out a spell, a protective ward linked to a necklace, a flat piece of silver, slightly curved, polished 'til it gleams like a mirror. He looks at it when he's done, and sighs. It's not as if he can take it into his dreams with him.

He finds the old stump, petrified almost as hard as stone now, the one where he'd met Ragnor, the mirror of the one where he met Alexander. He puts the necklace there, in the hollow between the roots, and hopes intent matters enough that it will help, wherever Alexander really is now.

(It doesn't seem to. He takes Alexander back to the stump in their next shared dream, and there's nothing there. He sighs, but then Alexander smiles at him, and he cannot help but smile back as they wander their way to a different clearing, close enough their hands almost touch with each step as they talk.)

He leaves again, feeling more aimless than usual without his research project, and loses track of time for a while. But only for a little while. He'll always come back home again, after all.

Until he tries to go back home, and Ragnor meets him at the edge of the woods, and says No.

Something about a prophecy, and Camille, and some poor young mortal and it's important that Magnus not interfere, and Magnus leaves and gets very drunk and refuses to cry into his beer.

For about a decade.

Maybe two?

He misses Ragnor, and his home, and most of all he misses his dreams, and Alexander, and now that it's too late it's painfully apparent that somewhere along the way he fell in love with a person who probably doesn't exist, and he doesn't know what to do about any of it.

Even in the state he's in, he hears about Camille, about how she made herself Queen of a human kingdom, about a Mirror she stole from the Seelie Queen, about vassals and servants, Vampires, Ghouls, Subjugates, and poor besieged Humans, all under her power.

About the rumors of a lost heir, still alive somewhere in the woods, and Magnus knows that's the one that Ragnor's protecting, and he still doesn't understand why he's here and not there, why Ragnor wouldn't let him help.

Until he feels a tug on his magic, and goes outside the Inn he's currently wallowing in to see Camille herself, looking half-dead rather than undead, her arm hanging like it's broken, her hair streaked with grey, her lips dark with old blood, her clothes torn and ragged and dirt-stained. She's trembling, her skin paper-thin and sallow, her knuckles too big for her fingers as they twist and grip in front of her. The taste of blood-magic and curses linger in the air around her, twisted into something sharp and bright and painful, and the distinctive shape of a scrying mirror is strapped to her back.

Help me, she begs, eyes dark and vicious, and he nods, and opens a portal, and sends her to the Seelie Queen.

He'll remember that last scream of rage and terror in his dreams for the rest of his life, as the Seelies claim her with their vines, powerful enough to bind even Camille at her strongest, never mind what she's become now. But she had murdered innocents, and there had been fear in her eyes but not regret, and he knows sometimes you can't escape the consequences of your actions.

He goes back inside and doesn't even pretend to sleep.

He considers going back to the woods, what used to be his woods, but there's a shiver in his chest where his heart used to be, and he knows if Ragnor sends him away again he won't survive, so he doesn't.

If no one tells him no again, he can still hold onto the hope that he'll see Alexander again some day. He has time, after all.

He just hopes Alexander does too.

He waits, hoping to hear what the rumors say, to see if this time he hears a whisper of what Ragnor was trying to protect, of the prophecy or the heir or the huntsman.

There's nothing.

Instead Catarina walks into his room entirely unannounced early one foggy morning, takes one look at him as he sits up in bed, clutching his blankets to his chest, and starts swearing, sharp and vicious under her breath.

Magnus blinks at her in surprise. She lifts one finger, wait, and turns around and leaves again.

Magnus considers the possibility he's started hallucinating from spending too much time by himself.

He gets himself up and shaved and dressed and goes down to the common room for breakfast.

Might as well be presentable if the hallucinations decide to talk to him next time.

Ragnor shows up while he's still lingering over his tea. His shoulders are hunched and his hair is a mess, and his glamour is thick enough Magnus can't see his horns, but his skin looks slightly green-tinged anyways.

There's an ache in Magnus' chest at the suggestion that Catarina ripped Ragnor a new one on Magnus' behalf, but he tries not to linger on it too much as he gets up and goes back to his room, listening for Ragnor's familiar steps following him up the stairs.

Of course he doesn't know what to say, even once they're back in his room with the door shut and a privacy ward raised, so he lets his hand rest on the back of his favorite armchair by the hearth, tries not to make the desperate grip he needs to keep himself steady too obvious, and waits.

Ragnor's mouth twists, and his hands spread wide, and Magnus realizes he's never once in all his centuries see the man look so hopeless. "Why didn't you, why did you disappear for so long?"

There's a spark of something that might be anger, somewhere beneath all the heart-break and loss and fear. "You told me to leave," Magnus makes himself say.

"Not like—" Ragnor starts, and he lifts his gaze from the toes of his boots and meets Magnus' eyes and his voice breaks off in his throat. "Oh."

Magnus waits again, but it's different now, a trembling sort of anticipation as he watches the expression on Ragnor's face shift, frustration to understanding to guilt.

"I didn't mean it like that." He swallows so hard that Magnus can see the shift down his throat, so hard his glamour flickers, green flashing across his skin, the shadow his horns cast visible against the wall. "I'm sorry."

Magnus closes his eyes, and feels himself sway, relief so heavy he can't hold himself upright. He barely hears the heavy tread of Ragnor's step forward before he feels Ragnor's arms around him, gripping him tight. "I'm sorry, please come home."

Magnus clings, and ignores the burning in his eyes, and nods.

When he finally lets go of Ragnor's shoulders, Ragnor won't meet his eyes, shifts sideways just a little, guilt heavy in the clenching of his jaw, in the thin tone of his voice when he starts talking. "I have to tell you something else."

Magnus snorts out something that might be a laugh, ignoring how damp it sounds from the tears still caught in his throat. "Cat came looking because you need my help with something, don't you?"

Ragnor's whole body sags with relief, and he nods.

Magnus gestures at the chairs, and collapses with a sigh into his favorite. "Start from the beginning, mon ami."

Ragnor snorts, and sighs, and leans forward, his elbows resting heavily on his thighs.

"You remember Idris?"

Magnus tilts his head, wondering how that's the beginning, but nods. "That's the country Camille took over. Are they recovering all right?"

Ragnor lifts his head, eyes wide and startled. "How did you know she was gone?"

Magnus feels his mouth twist, even as he flicks his fingers to the side to attempt to send the bitterness away. "She thought I'd help her get away."

"You didn—"

"Of course not." Magnus swallows, makes himself meet Ragnor's eyes. "I returned her and her stolen property to the Seelie Queen."

Ragnor shudders, but it looks more like relief than horror. "Hopefully we don't need to find her then."

Magnus swallows, something like dread crawling up his spine. "Why would anyone need to find Camille?"

Ragnor huffs out a breath, and Magnus realizes he still looks hopeless, helpless, lost in a way Magnus has never seen before. "Because I don't know how to break the curse she cast."

Magnus thinks of that taste in the air around Camille, blood and desperation, the weight of the mirror on her back, the rumors of the Seelie Queen's increasingly desperate attempts to get it back. "She used a Seelie artifact to cast a blood-curse?"

Ragnor shrugs. "We think so, but it's all tangled up in an old prophecy, and Raphael can't—"

Magnus holds up a hand. "Wait, stop. We're in the middle again."

Ragnor snorts. "And whose fault is that?"

"You're the one who's supposed to be explaining yourself."

Ragnor glares over his glasses, and Magnus feels his face ease into a smile more honest than any he's attempted in years.

It's good to have his best friend back.

Ragnor's attempted frown softens, as if he feels the same way, and he leans back in his chair and clears his throat. "Camille managed to weasel her way into Idris as some sort of royal advisor, used the mirror to fool some King into thinking she was Fae instead of Vampire, and set herself up as the power in the shadows for a generation or three."

Magnus grunts. That's longer than she usually sticks—longer than she used to stick to one game. "What was she trying to accomplish?"

"There's an old prophecy attached to Idris, the original's been lost for centuries, but it was something about a King under unnatural influence, and a gift of magic the likes of which the world had never seen before, would never see again, and..."

"She thought she could be the unnatural influence and snag the gift for herself?"

Ragnor shrugs.

"And even if nothing fancy happened, she'd become the sort of person who'd enjoy playing with mortals for a few hundred years." Magnus closes his eyes, remembers the first time he saw Camille, remembers dancing the night away, the bright sound of her laugh, the touch of her fingers against his skin. He makes himself open them again before he thinks too much about that final scream before he'd closed the portal between him and the Seelie Realm. "I wonder sometimes if the woman I fell in love with ever really existed, or if it was all one of her games..."

"Immortality wears on everyone, in different ways."

"I suppose," Magnus frowns, and tries not to swear. "Is that the prophecy that convinced you to banish me?"

"I didn't—" Ragnor stopped as Magnus lifted his eyebrows. "I just meant for you to contact me from a safer distance. There's a line in it that's generally thought to be about a Prince of Hell being forsworn, and the curse coming full circle, and..."

Magnus' mouth opens, then closes again. He is the only Warlock he knows whose father tried to claim him as an heir to hell itself. "You didn't want my magic close enough to screw up an already weird prophecy."

Ragnor grunts. "I apparently should have phrased it better."

Magnus rolls his eyes. "Clearly."

"You could have asked!" Ragnor snarls back.

Magnus grunts this time. "But that's not really part of your story, either?"

Ragnor looks like he's considering some sort of hex before he sighs and shrugs and starts talking again. "Robert Lightwood, King of Idris, had an affair. When he got caught out, he managed, presumably thanks to Camille's influence for the idea and some judicious encantos for the execution, to convince the Kingdom of Idris it was his wife's fault, and she fled the country ahead of treason charges."

Magnus stills, and remembers Alexander's mother.

Ragnor keeps talking, and it takes more effort than Magnus will ever admit to follow what he's saying.

"The Queen was pregnant with their third child, took their daughter with her when she ran, but Robert had already formally recognized their eldest as his heir, and she knew if she tried to take him too they'd never be able to get away..."

Magnus can't breathe, barely notices when Ragnor's voice cracks with what sounds like genuine grief, as if he knows them personally, as if it's not just a story, as if this is the important part, not just the background to whatever happens next.

"When." Magnus' voice sounds like he's dying, more of a croak of pain than words, and he makes himself swallow, makes himself try again. "When did she run."

"Twenty years ago." Ragnor stops, but Magnus is too deep in his own head to notice, not really, certainly can't tell what Ragnor is thinking, what he's feeling, what his voice or his face might be doing. There's a lengthy pause, and Magnus tries to think, because it can't be Alexander, that first dream was hundreds of years ago, not twenty, but their time never matched, and he'd tried not to think about it too much before, tried not to wonder if his dreams were with a mortal and someday he'd see Alexander aging, or if it was all some prolonged figment of his imagination and someday the illusion would grow too shallow, he'd be forced to realize they weren't true, but their times never matched, and if a week was twenty years than why couldn't twenty years be...

"Now that I know Camille's gone, though, I can send for them, she gave me her mother's necklace before she left so I could track them, no matter where they w—"

"Name." Magnus snaps, not even sure what Ragnor had been saying anymore. "I need a name."

"Whose?" Ragnor sounds honestly bewildered now, which in other circumstances might be interesting, Magnus isn't sure he's ever managed to bewilder Ragnor before, but at the moment he just needs to know his damn name. "Robert and Maryse? Isabelle? I don't know what she named her youngest, they were gone before the birth."

"The heir." Magnus is standing, he doesn't remember standing up, but he's glaring down at Ragnor, fists clenched at his sides. "He's the one you were protecting when you sent me away, wasn't he, what's his name?"

"Alec?"

Oh hells, damnation and gods and demons and... "Short for Alexander?"

"Well, yes, but." Ragnor starts to stand, hands outreached as if to touch, clearly able to tell that something is happening even if he doesn't know what. He's moving too slowly though, and Magnus grabs the lapels of his coat, pulls 'til Ragnor's on his feet, 'til they're face to face.

"Take me to him, now."

"But I haven't even told you the—"

"Now."

Ragnor nods.

He waits a beat, then gently lifts his hands, wraps them around Magnus' wrists. "I need room if I'm to make the portal, Magnus."

Magnus lets go, steps back, exhales something that feels like his soul itself might be trying to flee. He shakes his arms out, clenches and releases his hands. "Please," he whispers.

Ragnor makes the portal, and reaches back, and Magnus grabs his hand much too hard.

He stumbles into a familiar attic, ignores Catarina's startled hello, because there's Alexander, tucked into the same bed Magnus always used when he stayed here, eyelashes resting heavy against his cheeks, chest lifting ever so slowly beneath a quilt Magnus doesn't recognize.

I suppose Ragnor finally got new blankets in the last twenty years, he thinks rather helplessly, even as he steps forward and falls to his knees beside the bed. His hand reaches out, hovering over Alec's cheek, then his chest, but he's afraid this is real, afraid it isn't, and he doesn't know what he's seeing or why, or what to do.

"Alexander." Magnus shakes his head, ignores the ache in his chest and his throat and his head. His hand is trembling, he can't quite seem to keep it steady, and it bumps against the collar of Alec's shirt, opens it enough he sees the glint of a silver chain.

His breath hitches, and he can feel the tears overflowing his eyes and falling down his cheeks. He makes his hand move, just enough to open the collar a little further, to see the familiar curve of silver glinting where it's settled in the hollow of Alexander's throat. "You're real and you found it."

He starts to reach for the necklace itself, to touch the magic, to touch Alexander, when a familiar voice interrupts him. "What the fuck, Magnus."

Magnus turns, and can't help the grin he can feel beneath his tears. "He's real, Cat!"

"Most people are?"

"He found it!" Magnus turns back, and Catarina slaps his shoulder hard enough he almost falls over onto the bed.

"Stop that!" She tugs on the back of his shirt, trying to pull him away from the bed. "We haven't figured out how he's not dead, if you must know the truth, and I don't want you screwing up whatever..."

"It's the necklace." Magnus points. "I made it for him."

"You what?" Ragnor speaks up this time. "I never told you anything about him, and I certainly had no clue that Camille knew how to make a kairothanasia."

Magnus chokes on his next breath. "She did a what?"

Cat makes an almost identical choking sound. "You gave him something that stopped a curse without knowing what curse to stop?"

"I didn't even know it was Camille he was afraid of!"

"What." Ragnor's voice drops almost an octave, and he lifts both hands, palms out, in a very clear stop gesture. "Alec is stable, even if we're not entirely sure why, so I suggest we sit and try to start this conversation over again. From something resembling a beginning."

"Because that worked so well last time?" Magnus huffs out a breath as Ragnor and Catarina both glare at him. "It's not my fault, I didn't know he was real!"

"But you made him a real necklace that does impossible magic!" Catarina's voice rises higher than Magnus thinks he's ever heard it go before, and eyes and hands are both spread wider than looks comfortable. "What did you do?"

Ragnor grunts, and claps his hands, and the bench at the foot of the bed scrapes across the floor as it moves to settle beside the chair angled between the window for light and the chimney for warmth. "Sit."

They sit.

Ragnor summons the small table from his study, and Catarina summons some tea, and they both stare at Magnus.

"Every time I'm here," Magnus gestures broadly around them, both at the house and the woods outside, "I have these dreams where I'm wandering these woods, with..." Magnus trails off, and turns his head to look at the bed. "With him."

"He's not even thirty years old."

Magnus laughs, a hollow sort of helplessness as he shrugs. "Our times never did seem to match. I'd be gone for twenty years, and he'd say his last dream was less than a week before."

"That's impossible."

"The first one was the very first night I was here." Catarina's face turns into a pained sort of grimace; they all know what first nights are like, when a young Warlock realizes what they might be, and Magnus barely stops himself from shrugging again. "You remember that stump you found me sitting on, Ragnor?"

"Only because you'd go back to visit it." Ragnor frowns. "Now that you mention it, it's where I met Maryse and her children when she was fleeing Idris, too, and it's where Raphael brought Alec when Camille ordered him killed after his father died, before he could be coronated properly himself."

Catarina puts her tea down with a quiet clink of porcelain. "Poor Raphael, he looked so disgusted watching me bespell that pig's heart to smell like human blood for him to take back to Camille as proof."

Magnus shudders in sympathy. That spell was messy, and would have required some of Alexander's blood put into the pig's heart to convince the rest of it to change to match. "It must have worked for awhile, Robert—" Magnus stops, swallows, remembers Alexander trembling as he clung to Magnus in a clearing in the middle of the woods. Remembers the news, much more recently, of the death of the King of Idris, of the Regent taking over, of Camille becoming Queen. "His father died a few years ago, didn't he?"

"He and his second wife, the poor woman. Carriage 'accident', or so the stories went." Ragnor clicks his tongue, echoing the porcelain as he puts his cup down next to Catarina's. "She had no idea what she was getting into, falling for a Lightwood."

Neither did I, apparently. Magnus swallows, and tries to figure out what to say next. "That stump was where I met Alexander, in that first dream. It's where I put the necklace, after I made it. I'm not sure why I did it, couldn't have told you while it was happening, I knew I couldn't take it into a dream, but I just... I wanted to help."

"What, exactly, was this help then?" Catarina leans forward.

"It's just a basic ward twisted into a bit of silver." Magnus had repeated and twisted it nine times to make it as powerful as the silver could bear, but that wasn't difficult, it just required patience and brute force. Rather a lot of it, perhaps, but he'd had the time and power to spare. Would have spared anything, he realizes, for Alexander. "I based the shape of the spell on a Seelie mirror though, so it would reflect any magic that carried an intent to harm, rather than trying to set up counters for specific spells."

Just, Catarina mouths at him, and shakes her head.

Ragnor whistles softly. "It wouldn't work on raw magic or accidental damage like a personal ward, but it's perfect for someone being targeted who can't work magic directly."

"Thank you." Magnus twists in his chair to look at Alexander again. "Was it though?"

"He's still alive," Catarina answers, her voice almost unbearably soft. "That's a miracle, considering."

"Are you sure about that?" Magnus can't stop himself, he stands, starts to move closer to the bed, to Alexander. "How did she even manage to make a kairothanasia?"

"Enough blood and intent, focused through that mirror?" Magnus hears Catarina stand up behind him. "Camille has more than enough of both."

"Had," Magnus corrects, and he walks the rest of the way toward the bed. He vaguely hears Ragnor telling Catarina about Camille as he kneels again, but he isn't really paying attention. If his necklace had worked, it should have reflected the curse back on Camille. But she hadn't been cursed to have never existed, hadn't had her blood erased all the way back before she'd been born, like she'd tried to do to Alexander. Magnus remembers every time they'd met, every rumour he'd heard of what she'd done when they were apart. She hadn't even been killed by it, not quite, no matter how damaged she'd been when she'd tried to ask Magnus for help.

But if her curse had worked, if the necklace had failed, Alexander would have never existed, and here he is, alive and breathing and one of the few constants of Magnus' life.

So it's something in-between. The kairothanasia's the strongest curse Magnus knows, and if Camille had powered it with enough blood, enough intent, if that mirror was as dangerous as it seemed, it would have been too much even for the necklace's protection to reflect in its entirety. But some of it...

Some of it had rebounded back on Camille, some of it was keeping Alexander asleep, but that couldn't be all of it, not a curse like that, not one that killed someone's past as well as their future.

Magnus reaches a hand out again, holds it above the necklace, and stretches, oh so gently, magic twisting from his fingers to brush against the wards he'd set. He hisses in pain as they spark back at him, and pulls his hand away, cradles it against his chest.

Well.

Fuck.

The curse is still there, tangled up in the necklace, resting so close to Alexander's heart that Magnus has to bite his lip and focus on the sting to make himself think rather than reach down and try and yank the necklace off Alexander's body. The wards are clearly strong enough to block the intent, but the spell still wants to complete itself. He narrows his eyes, thinks about the feel of those sparks, warm and lively, and wonders. It's powerful, potentially deadly, but it doesn't feel like blood-magic anymore, tastes like regular magic rather than a curse, as if the wards managed to twist it inside out, just like Magnus had wanted, but it was too big.

By the time it had finished twisting the curse, the blood magic and wards were knotted too tightly together to push it back out again?

"Time," Magnus whispers. The kairothanasia erases someone from time, and all the results from the deflection have only happened now. He has to let the spell do something to the rest of Alexander's lifetime or it'll just sit there, twisted around backwards and eating Alexander's future instead of his past.

Alexander's past.

Alexander's impossible past, full of dreams with Magnus from before he was born.

Maybe he needs to let the spell do something that has already happened, maybe he has to let it make Alec alive before he was born, even if only in dreams.

For that to work, he has to let this inside-out curse tie his and Alexander's lives together.

He's... not at all sure what that will do. Two souls, one life, half immortal, half mortal?

"Oh." Ragnor's voice is right there, and Magnus lifts his head to see Ragnor and Catarina standing just beyond his reach, holding hands and eyes bright with magic; they'd clearly been following along with his diagnostic. "If the kairothanasia makes it so someone was never alive, the counter means they're extra alive, doesn't it?"

"I think that to dispel it properly the spell will have to be set on both of them. Your life will be his, and his death will be yours." Catarina's voice is soft as she smiles at Magnus, her eyes sad as every year of her life lingers in them. "Your wards are powerful, but not enough to dispel that curse, not entirely."

"A gift of magic that has never been seen before, nor will again." Ragnor whispers. "Your wards combined with Camille's curse, Vampire blood and Warlock magic, both shaped by Seelie mirrors. It's the prophecy, Magnus."

"If it does what we think... He'll lose his family again." Magnus wants this, wants to save Alexander, wants to see a future that's not just in their dreams, but he doesn't know if Alexander does, and he can't ask.

Immortality wears on everyone, in different ways.

They may not become completely immortal, but they won't quite be mortal anymore, either.

"I've never seen him take that necklace off," Catarina counters. "I think you're his family, too."

Magnus can't speak, can't think, doesn't move.

"He'd want to live." Ragnor's voice is rough, and his free hand reaches out to grip Magnus' shoulder. "Even with your wards, the hit from that curse would have hurt, would have told him to give up, to let go, and he's still here, still breathing. At some level he had to have fought for that."

Magnus closes his eyes, swallows. Thinks of Alexander's smile, the steady weight of his gaze. Alexander never gives up, Magnus can't either. He reaches, twists his hands in the air before him, pulling his magic from the necklace, back into himself, making the inside-out curse come with.

He screams as the spell explodes, sunlight in his veins, burning beneath his skin, and he can feel the weight of it, the twenty-eight years of Alec's life over and throughout the centuries of his own, stretched thin and fragile but undeniably there, tangled together too tightly to ever be pulled apart again.

He blinks himself back to awareness. The room's dimmer than it was, his bones ache and his magic's almost entirely depleted; he feels raw and scraped out, and it's only when he tries to shift to ease the soreness in his muscles that he realizes he's lying down, that same new quilt he'd noticed earlier draped over him.

He turns his head, and forgets every bit of pain because there's Alexander, close enough to touch at last, lying on his side, his arm tucked under his head, his eyes just barely open, a glint of light catching beneath the dark shadow of his lashes.

"Magnus." Alexander's mouth curves into the barest hint of a smile, his voice low and mumbling, barely more force behind the words than an exhale of a breath. "Hoping I'd dream of you."

Magnus sighs, feels the tremble of his breath, hope bright and shivering in his chest, and turns himself slowly onto his side to mirror Alexander.

There's a hint of a frown between Alexander's brows as he watches, but he holds it in until Magnus settles to a stop.

"You look tired."

Magnus almost laughs, but he's afraid it'll hurt. "That's because we're both awake, darling."

Alexander's eyes widen, and his breath stutters, as if he's only now managed to pay enough attention to realize where they are. "You're rea—" His voice cracks as he tries to lift himself onto his elbow, and he slides back down onto the bed with a groan, making it clear he's at least as sore as Magnus is. "You're here. Now."

"Same place, same time." Magnus finally lets himself reach out, though his fingertips rest against the silver charm that he only notices now is solid black with tarnish, thick and set enough it doesn't even smudge at his touch, rather than touching Alexander himself. "You found it."

"When I was eight." Alexander's shoulders shift, and there's worry in his eyes. "The day I first dreamt of you."

Magnus' eyes slide close, open again as he shakes his head, fabric wrinkling beneath his temple with the movement.

"I think I made it almost forty years ago now, when I'd already known you for centuries." Magnus hums, thinks about the feel of the spell as it had tied them together. He can still feel it, a tug between his ribs that he knows will never go away again, that he knows is Alexander. "Our times match now."

Alexander's frown deepens, but he clearly isn't surprised, had already figured out how far off their histories were. "How?"

"Camille." Magnus swallows, tries again. "She tried to curse you so that, rather than just dying, you'd never existed at all."

"Magnus," Alexander breathes out, eyes wide with horror. "I'm so sorry."

Magnus has to turn his head into his pillow, not sure if he's blocking a laugh or tears. Alexander is clearly more concerned about what that would have meant to Magnus than what it meant about his own life. "It's too powerful a curse to be easily dispelled or reflected..."

"Magnus," Alexander repeats, but this time his voice is steady. He's waiting for Magnus to look at him, to finish saying it. "Please."

Magnus makes himself return that steady gaze. "The spell still had to affect time, not just the present, so it..." He chokes, gestures between them.

Magnus wonders when Alexander first suspected the nature of their impossible connection, wonders what it must have been like for Alexander to hear Magnus mention Camille, the Lightwood's personal devil, back when she'd just been a person, a lover, someone who danced through life, who knew how to laugh, who wasn't always cruel.

I'm sorry, he thinks, but he knows it wasn't his fault, that now isn't the time to try and unpick the tangled weave of their timelines.

"That's how the dreams." Alexander blinks, hums softly. "Never thought I'd be glad for something Camille started."

Magnus huffs out a startled laugh, then presses his hand to his chest with a groan. It hurts as much as he'd been afraid it would. "Our lives are tangled together for the future, too."

"But you're immortal."

"I was."

Alexander makes a soft pained noise, as if he'd been wounded.

"Just like you were mortal."

Alexander's eyes close, slowly this time, and stay that way as he exhales, long and shaky. Magnus waits, for what he's not entirely sure, fear or anger or regret. "Thank the gods," Alexander whispers.

"What?" Magnus' voice cracks up, louder than he'd intended.

Alexander smiles, and his eyes are damp when he opens them, but they're alight, joy and relief and something that Magnus suspects might be love. Magnus forgets how to think. "I thought you meant you were going to die because of me, not that I'd get to live with you."

"Oh." That's all Magnus can manage. They stare at each other, until Magnus realizes it's still getting darker, and it's difficult to see anything beyond the shape of Alexander's cheekbone, the faint glint of his eyes in what little light is left. He realizes he is sure of Alexander, of how he feels, of what he wants. Of everything Alexander never said, but showed him nonetheless, night after night of conversations and silences, shoulders pressed together as they perched on that same damnable, wonderful stump. "I love you, too."

Alexander smiles, wider and brighter than Magnus has ever seen before, and he has no idea what to do now that this is real. He reaches, and Alexander's lips are warm against the very tips of his fingers, and he feels that amazing smile soften beneath his touch.

"You're real," Magnus whispers, "and you're here, with me."

"You're real," Alexander agrees, "and you saved me."

"You first," Magnus says, and he's smiling like a loon, he's sure, as Alexander's hand wraps around his, fingers long and the skin just rough enough to catch, as he tugs Magnus' hand down out of the way and leans in even closer. Magnus closes his eyes, and Alexander's lips meet his at last, as gentle as a spring wind, soft and warm and sweet.

Magnus sighs as their mouths part, as every last bit of worry and stress seems to leave him, and no matter how much he wants to savor every moment of this, he's not sure he can stay awake for much longer.

"Sweet dreams," Alexander breathes against Magnus' mouth, and Magnus laughs again, blinks his eyes half open long enough to see Alexander, to answer with what they both know is true.

"How can they not be, with you in them?"

Alexander scoffs out a breath, amused and fond. "Our times match now, there may not be any more dreams."

"You've always been my favorite dream, Alexander."

Alexander kisses Magnus' forehead, the warm press of his lips lingering as he exhales. Magnus lets his eyes close, and his body settle.

I love you, he hears, and it doesn't matter if Alexander says it out loud, if he's imagining it, or dreaming it. He knows it's true.

#shadowhunters #malec #magnus bane #alec lightwood #ragnor fell #camille belcourt #my sh fic #jilly writes #snow white #fairy tales

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fanfoolishness · 4 years

Text

In Dreams commentary

SPOILERS AHOY HOY!

IN DREAMS:

Star Eyes Steven <3

He’s so happy to see them all

I love how happy Lars is!

Zach is fucking killing it with that squeeing!

COOKIE CAT, I NEVER THOUGHT YOU WOULD BE EVIL!

Connie has sick dance moves

So does Onion, strangely????

Then again he IS Sour Cream’s little brother

he’s been raving since in utero

Zach also killing it with the panic and the gasping upon waking up

My heaaaart

Why do I keep having these horrible dreams?

So as I suspected Steven has been having problems sleeping for a while now

I suspect it’s been a problem since Bluebird (bad Gem invading his house) and A Very Special Episode (overbooking his schedule, continuing into Snow Day and those suggestive cups of tea on the bookshelf)

I STILL FUCKING LOVE PERIDOT SO MUCH

I also love that Steven is still a little shit when he wants to be I love him so much

“You know, I’m so glad you’re here. I’ve been having some weird dreams lately and --”

Oh Steven! I’m so proud of you! You’re actually trying to reach out instead of stuffing it all inside!!!

Peridot, you kinda fucked it up

awww he was trying!!!

Also oh shit Peridot called him a monster??? don’t be foreshadowing plz omg

YAY THEY’RE SO EXCITED

and then just like me and X-Files season 10 and 11 they were fucked over ;_;

THEIR RAGE IS SOOOOOO REAL I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

man oh man oh man I really need to find a good Peridot voice and write her and Steven together because their friendship is the BEST

Peri: Camp Pining Hearts helped me escape when everything around me was in chaos

shit Peridot you don’t have to call me out about Steven Universe okay

MY SON

“I have to start wearing a tinfoil hat?”

fucking GOLD

“Might be fun to fix something that isn’t the entire universe!’

STEVEN YOU RIDICULOUS CREATURE JUST LET THE WORLD BE SOMETIMES, YOU DON’T HAVE TO FIX IT ALL, IT ISN’T ALL UP TO YOUUUUUUU

also note: remind myself of this as it KEEPS FUCKING COMING UP IN THERAPY damn

no wonder I identify so hard with this little meatball

SILENT BEEKEEPER IS IN THE BIGFOOT POSE I CAN’T

I fucking LOST it about the poutine allergy

Like, rolled over and was laughing myself to death

STEFAN??? REALLY??????

STEVEN YOU’RE DRAWING AGAIN!!!!

I’M SO HAPPY

but you dumb shit why did you make someone who helps other people

now you need to play some music!

Chili before bed? This is such a dumbass idea

STAR PILLOW I CAN’T

Jazmin is a birder? I love it

Please tell Zach voices Stefan

Does Stefan count as Steven with stubble for my bingo card?

Uhhhh Stefan is kinda sexy af

Blue Diamond dolphin and Yellow PInap and White heels aaaaah

PINK STEVEN OH NO NOT AGAIN!!!

You fell asleep and you started glowing pink!!! This happens regularly? Every time he’s sleeping now???????

This is such a good pensive Steeb

I’m so happy that crying Stefan is used for humor, I can’t even

GEMCOPTERS

So I see you’re sleeping great Steven

ooooh Spinel’s injector! first concrete reference we’ve had to the movie, isn’t it?

Nice to have the injector call back to baby Steven, since he was hit with the rejuvenator

Steven blushes at the idea of Stefan kissing Jazmin. Worried that Connie won’t like you, are we?????

I know how you feel, Steven. At your age I was both totally enamored of the idea of kissing boys and also FUCKING TERRIFIED DON’T WANNA DO IT NOPE NOPE NOPE

“I can’t do Rodrigo dirty like that!” fucking dead

Peridot’s hand on the doorknob -- Steven it’s okay! she can come back!!!

Is Rodrigo voiced by J-10? because that would be a delight

MAD CONNIE! Is she mad because Stefan isn’t helping someone??? or mad because she’s going to be kissed???

CONNIE OBSIDIAN????????

because Obsidian saved Connie’s life?

is he scared of Obsidian’s power?

frightened of how difficult it was to be her?

scared of the circumstances in which she formed?

SO MANY POSSIBILITIES

I don’t think anyone called that that shot of Steven was going to be him squished by Connsidian’s foot

oh no oh no oh no he’s in his old room

head in his hands

oh Steven ;_;

A Cookie Cat poster is above the TV in this scene... hmmm

Staticdot is scary!

I’m so tired....

STEVEN stop killing me!!!!

I’m sorry I can’t do this for you --

I can’t

I can’t, he woke up crying, I CAN’T

Peridot -- hug him!!! yay!!! friends!!!!!!!! I love them sooooo much

omfg people are killing each other on CPH???

How many times does Steven have tears in his eyes in this episode?

Okay this got way too fucking long to include Bismuth. Separate post time!!!

#suf spoilers #su spoilers #steven universe future spoilers #steven universe spoilers #spoilers #steven universe #steven universe future #in dreams #in dreams suf

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swanqueeneverafter · 4 years

Text

Sins of the Past Pt.1

Storybrooke. Present. Night. (Working as a cab driver, a weary Henry Swan-Mills glances at his rear-view mirror at the kissing couple in his back seat. With the realms of story united, Henry's clientele is large and varied. From drunken Musketeers to sight-seeing visitors from the Land Without Colour, the former Author has driven them all in his cab.)

Swan-Mills House. Morning. (Descending the stairs, Regina is distressed by the various boxes that are strewn across the floor. Just as she is about to raise her voice however, Zelena walks into the hall, carrying baby Maria.) Zelena: "And here's your other Mama looking ready for business." Regina: (Smiling:) "How is she doing?" Zelena: "Just fine, now that her Aunty Zelena's here, isn't that right, Poppet?" Regina: (As her sister continues cooing at the baby:) "Thanks for coming, Zelena. My meeting this morning shouldn't take long." Zelena: "Oh don't worry about that, Maria and I are going to have a wonderful time, isn't that right?" (Shaking her head at her sister's infatuation, Regina turns to see Emma walking into the room looking slightly frazzled.) Emma: (Followed by Ella:) "Just give me five minutes to put on a new shirt and find my keys and we'll be outta here." (Stopping only to give her wife a quick kiss, Emma runs upstairs to go change.) Ella: (Calling after her:) "Thank you! (To Regina:) I’m sorry to put you guys out like this, I'd take the bus but-" Regina: (Cutting in:) "You can't risk being late for work again. (Smiles:) We know and it's absolutely fine. I'd drop you off myself but I'm headed in completely the other direction. (Glancing at her watch:) Speaking of which, I'd better go. (To Zelena:) You're sure you'll be all right?" Zelena: "Yes, now go! Maria and I have the whole day planned."

The Woods, Just Outside Storybrooke. (Will Scarlett travels quickly through the woods, clutching a stitch at his side but continuing to run at top speed.) Dun Broch. (Regina stands over the slain body of a unicorn, Queen Merida by her side.) Regina: "What were you thinking? Even in my darkest days, I could never kill a unicorn." Merida: "Me? This is not my doing. Unicorns are rare and mystical creatures. There is a legend that says bad fortune will come to anyone who slays one. Neither I or any of the men I command would be stupid enough to kill such a sacred animal." Regina: (Scoffs:) "You have too much faith in a man's intelligence. So, what do you expect me to do about it?" Merida: (Nods:) "I thought you could speak to him." (Confused, Regina turns to see a cloaked figure standing a short distance away.) Anhora: "Are you looking for me? I am Anhora, Keeper of the Unicorns." Merida: "Is it you who’s responsible for turning our water into sand?" Regina: “What?” Anhora: "You alone are responsible for the misfortune that has befallen Dun Broch." Merida: "Me?! You think I’d bring drought upon my own people?" Anhora: "When the unicorn was killed on your lands, a curse was unleashed. For this, Dun Broch will suffer greatly." Regina: (Stepping forward:) "Now wait a minute, I'm an expert on curses and I know they rarely, if ever, solve anything. Why don't you just lift the curse and we can all talk about this rationally for a moment." Anhora: "The curse was not my doing." Merida: (Drawing her sword:) "Undo the curse or you will pay with your life." Regina: (Chiding:) "Merida!" Anhora: "Only you can do that. You will be tested." Merida: "Me?" Regina: "You're the Queen, blame comes with the job." Anhora: "Until you have proven yourself, and made amends for killing the unicorn, the curse will not be lifted. If you fail any of these tests, Dun Broch will be damned for all eternity."

Storybrooke. Outside The Sheriff's Station. (Sitting in a squad car, Lily turns to her father who is joining her for a ride-along.) Lily: "Okay, are you ready for this?" Hook: "I was born ready." Lily: "Dad, I'm serious, this isn't going to be like your pirate adventures. Most days this job is about keeping the peace." Hook: (Smirks:) "Trust me, love, things might have been a bit quieter around here recently, but when magic’s around, there's always going to be trouble sooner or later." Main Street. (Ella sprints down main street, trying to get to work on time as Emma looks on from outside the Dark Star Pharmacy. Hoping her future daughter-in-law makes it, Emma turns and is knocked down by a still speeding Will Scarlett.) Emma: "Ahh! (Landing hard on the ground, she looks up to see Will barely give her a backwards glance before disappearing around the corner:) Yeah, you better run!"

(Wiping her hands, Emma hardly notices when her parents arrive beside her, rushing her her aid.) Snow White: "Emma, are you okay?" Emma: (Wincing:) "Yeah, I'm fine." David: "Here, let me help you. (Helping his daughter to her feet, concerned:) Are you sure you're all right." Emma: "Yeah, just a bruised ego is all. (Starts to walk:) Ow. And a bruised butt, I think." Snow White: "That really was quite the fall you took. We saw you as we were coming out of Granny's." Emma: "Well, that's what I'm here for. To protect, serve and amuse." David: "Emma-" Emma: (Sighs:) "I'm sorry, I don't mean to unload on you guys. It's... it's just been a stressful morning." David: "You know we're here to help anytime." Emma: (Nods:) "I know, thank you. (She hugs them both in turn. Pulling a piece of paper from her pocket:) Now, if you'll excuse me, I've gotta get everything on this list and get home before Zelena paints Maria's bedroom green." Storybrooke Library. (Will stands expectantly as Belle looks over the book he's just returned.) Alice: (Pulling ten dollars from her pocket:) "You still don't get this until I'm satisfied." Will: (Grins:) "I know." Alice: (To Belle:) "So?" Belle: (Turning over a few pages:) "Well it hasn't exactly been returned in mint condition." Will: (Laughs:) "No offense ladies, but I'd challenge you to find one book in this entire building that'd fit that description." Belle: "Hm. And did you enjoy the book?" Will: "Oh, yes. Very much." Alice: (Sceptically:) "What was your favourite part?" Will: "Well, there was the beginning, the middle and the end." Alice: "What about the octopus, didn't you find that part scary?" Will: (Scoffs:) "Octopuses aren't scary - Kraken's are scary." Belle: (Smiles:) "There isn't an octopus in this book, Will." Alice: (Taking the ten dollars off the table:) "Ha!" Will: "Oh, come on! I still got the book back in time, so what if I didn't read it?" Alice: "Reading books is the whole point! I want you to broaden your horizons, lose yourself in an adventure." Will: "But we've both lived real adventures! Look, reading books is fine if you're locked up in a tower with no chance of escape, but there's no replacement for living life. In fact if you ask me, it's you two who should be broadening your horizons. (Backing out of the library:) Put the books down, girls. Let your hair down once in awhile, you'll thank me for it." (Belle and Alice smile at each other as Will leaves the Library.) Mr. Cluck's Chicken Shack. (Sneaking in through the back door, Ella grabs her apron and ties it around her waist, attempting to start work without her boss realising how late she is. Taking a fresh pair of gloves from the box, Ella turns to find her boss standing in front of her.) Louis: "You're late. Again." Ella: "I ran here as fast as I could, but my-" Louis: "I don't give a crap! I'm paying you for 39 hours. (Another employee - Carl, drops a tray load of chicken on the floor:) Really, Carl? That's coming out of your paycheck." Ella: "Hey, Louis, lay off. It's just chicken. You don't need to be a jerk about it." Louis: (Puts down the cooking tongs:) "Apologize. Now! Or get out." Ella: "I can't, because it's true. You're a jerk." Louis: "You think you know me so well, huh? I know you. Former princess living with her prince boyfriend in his mother’s mansion. No real skills other than that temper. You need this job. This is the best you can do, and you know it. So, yeah, you're gonna apologize. Right?” Ella: “Never.” (Ella takes off her apron and storms out.)

Elsewhere In Storybrooke. (Placing a tray of dirty dishes down, Henry takes a moment to catch his breath.) Tiana: (Walking over to him:) "Henry, are you feeling okay? You look exhausted." Henry: (Forces a smile:) "I'm fine, just needed a second." Tiana: "I don't know, between your working two jobs and Ella working at the shack most nights-" Henry: "It'll be worth it when we've got our own place." (Henry picks up the tray and walks to the kitchen.) Tiana: (Following:) "Is there a rush on that? Emma and Regina can't be hurting for space. I've been to the Mayor's mansion and there's like thirty-seven rooms." Henry: "Ha-ha. There's not quite that many, but that's not even the point. My moms don't want me to leave but they've got Maria to look after now and... well there are other reasons." Tiana: "Such as?" Henry: (Begins placing dishes in the dishwasher:) "Such as wanting to carry Ella over the threshold of our own home? Such as being able to afford the wedding and honeymoon of her dreams?" Tiana: "Henry, you know Ella's not interested in those extravagant things." Henry: "But that doesn't mean she shouldn't be able to have them if she did." Tiana: "I'm impressed." Henry: "Thank you." Tiana: "I meant how you stacked the dishwasher. (She smiles and walks away, over her shoulder:) Very impressive." Dark Star Pharmacy. (Having gathered everything on her list, Emma is attempting to casually ask for Mr. Clark's professional opinion.) Emma: "What's your best cream for cuts and bruises?" Mr. Clark: (Scanning the items from Emma's basket:) "Depends on the type of injury and how bad it is." Emma: "Well I won't know how bad it is until I get home." Mr. Clark: "Then I can't help you." Emma: "Look, I'm not going to sue you for bad advice if that's what you're worried about. All I'm looking for is a good, effective cream." Mr. Clark: (Takes a sharp intake of breath:) "Again, I'd have to see the injury in question, just to be sure." Emma: "Trust me, that's not happening." Regina: (Entering the store:) "What injury? Is it Maria? Did Zelena call, is she hurt?" Emma: "No! No, it's nothing like that it's just... (Looks to Mr. Clark then back to Regina:) Delicate."

Mr. Clark: "If the injury is in a delicate area, I give you my word as a professional I would be happy to-" Emma: (Grabbing Sneezy by the shirt:) "I'm not pulling my ass out here in this store for you or anyone else, you got that? (Emma releases the man only to notice that he hasn't moved. Looking to Regina she sees that the brunette is using her magic to turn the store sign to 'closed' and drawing the steel blinds down:) Er, what are you doing?" Regina: "You're hurt. Show me." Emma: "Regina, it's nothing, I'm fine." Regina: "Show. Me." Emma: (Looking at a now frozen Mr. Clark:) "What about him?" Regina: (Considers:) "Let him be 'Sleepy' for awhile." (With a wave of her hand, Sneezy collapses behind the counter, fast asleep.) Emma: (Shaking her head, begins lifting her skirt and turns towards the counter:) "You'll take any excuse, won't you?" Regina: (Innocently:) "To care for my wife? Of course I will. (Hisses as the injured area is exposed:) Oh, Emma." Emma: "That bad, huh?" Regina: "It's definitely going to bruise." Emma: (Shrugs:) "I've had worse. (Stiffens when she feels Regina's hands on her hips:) So what now?" Regina: "Well I'll need to clean the affected area before treatment." Emma: (As her breath quickens:) "J-just make sure you do a thorough job." Regina: (Sliding to her knees, bringing Emma's skirt and underwear with her:) "Don't I always?" (Unable to answer, Emma merely closes her eyes and gasps as Regina gives her the due care and attention only she can provide.) Will & Tiana's Apartment. Storybrooke. (While cooking in the kitchen, Tiana smiles as she hears the door open.) Tiana: "Hey, sexy. Dinner's at- (Sees Ella standing there:) Whoa, whoa! What're you doing out of work so early?" Ella: (Simply:) "I quit." Tiana: "What?" Ella: (Jumps up to sit on the counter:) "You know, Louis, he's-" Tiana: "Yeah, I know what Louis is. He's what you grin and bear so that the singles in your savings jar don't get lonely." Ella: "I'll figure something out." Tiana: "What's Henry gonna say? You know, he's already out there working two jobs. So now-" Ella: "I know, I know, but hey, who's side are you on? You think I should work for that bully all my life?" Tiana: "Of course not. I just see how hard Henry's working and-" Ella: "Oh, way to make me feel so much better." Tiana: "You're right, I'm sorry. Wanna stay for dinner?" Ella: "No, that's okay." Tiana: "Drinks?" Ella: "Oh god, yes." Tiana: (Laughs:) "Then get your butt off my counter and pour the wine." Ella: (Salutes:) "Yes, Ma'am." Swan-Mills House. Night Time. (Emma lays on her stomach on the bed, Maria gurgling contentedly beside her. Regina enters from the bathroom, a tub of cream in her hand.) Regina: "There they are, my two favourite girls." Emma: "This is so embarrassing." Regina: (Smiling:) "Oh hush, you don't hear Maria complaining." (Emma turns her attention to her daughter while Regina applies the cream to her exposed backside.) Emma: "Isn't there a spell that can heal this sort of thing?" Regina: "Do you know of one?" Emma: "No. Do you? (Silence:) Regina?" Regina: (A long pause:) "Now where would be the fun in that?" Emma: "I knew it!"

#sq #swanqueen #swan queen

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my-brothers-corrupted · 4 years

Text

My Brothers, Corrupted

Chapter Three : Section 7 : the Two Masters

Chapter One l Chapter Two l Chapter Three

Henrik’s research on ways to return Blue’s magic leads him to a conclusion he didn’t want to find. Blue agrees to come home from hospital. Red and Dapper meet the stranger once again, and Max, at last, is able to give us some insight into just where Jack might be in all this trouble.

Trigger warnings for hospitalization, blood, and psychosis including hallucinations.

The Two Masters

Blue pulls you out from the place where he’s tucked you and Anti’s prying eyes away in a hospital drawer.

“Hey, sorry, I just wanted you to know real quick,” he says. “I’m not going to be persuaded otherwise or anything, okay? I want to go home with Trick.”

He rubs at his bruised nose gently, his eyes slightly puffy. “I feel like - like Anti can get me any time he wants anyway, so it’s just more people he’d get a chance to hurt. And I’m really scared about Trick. Cause he hasn’t visited me at all. And - ”

Blue has to stop, his eyes watering up, sniffling.

“Sorry… Ignore me, I’m being a baby. I just really need to see him. I’m scared about why he wouldn’t come to see me. If he won’t even talk to you, I want to bring you home so all of us can at least have an eye on him. It’s too scary not hearing anything from him. Knowing Anti could be hurting him, changing him… And I don’t think I can be in the hospital anymore. I’m starting to feel so fucking alone.”

He breathes out a long, shaky sigh.

“But you know, I think it was good for me. I’m glad you convinced me to stay. I had a couple more days to recover. I feel better. And just standing up to Anti… even if he kicked my ass, I think maybe it was a boost for me.”

He stares at the ground for a second, thinking.

“It proved something to me. Even if Anti beats me, even if Anti tries to convince me, even if he threatens the people I love - ”

Blue looks up at you. His eyes glitter.

“I am never letting him into my head again.”

A small smile quirks his torn lips.

“Hear that, Anti? Never. But if you want me to come home, I’ll come if you send Trick. The real Trick, asshole. I need someone to help me get home with the wheelchair and my oxygen. I’m ready to go. Just got one more thing to do.”

He places you on the side of the sink in his bathroom and breathes out a long, nervous breath. Breathe in. Breathe out. He pulls a shaving razor out of the bathroom drawer and plugs it into the wall.

“Not fucking with my hair anymore, either,” he whispers, flicking the power on, and then you watch as Blue, with tears making rivers down his face, shaves his hair down to snow-white roots.

Anonymous asked: We’re with you every step of the way, Blue. You got this.

“Thank you,” whispers Blue, shaking in front of the mirror.

He doesn’t know why he’s so upset. He doesn’t know why it’s so hard to look at himself.

“Stupid thing to get upset about,” he chokes, running his hand over his white, ruined hair.

His cannula is in his nose and his face is gaunt, hollow and complete with the great purple bruise and white bandage across his nose. He wears a soft blue hospital shirt and soft blue hospital pants, hanging off his thin frame. He has no jewelry shine on him except the one thing he’s managed to keep - his silver rose ring, quiet on his finger, and his eyes seem dull to him, with nothing lighting them from below and the cold glaze of the strange cataracts which the doctors cannot fix or understand.

“Used to take a lot of pride in my appearance,” he says, trying to straighten up, blinking the rapid hot tears away and breathing shakily.

He pauses and you see his expression shatter again, the grief welling up.

“Used to be really fucking beautiful,” he chokes, and covers his face with his hands.

You give him a moment to breathe and eventually he straightens up, holding up his chin.

“Fuck it,” he says. “It’ll be fine. It doesn’t matter. Nothing to be ashamed of in being sick! All that matters right now is seeing Trick again. Finding my brothers and then finding a way to be safe. The hair will grow back when Anti’s not around to control it.”

bupine asked: you still are beautiful, blue, just in a different way. you're incredibly strong and still fighting, and it shows. and one day you'll be beautiful in a way that you choose to be again, ok? just do your best to free trick from anti. red is slowly slipping from anti's control, and dap and henrik have done a great job remembering themselves. trick just needs his brother. remember, you've done your best up til now, and you're doing amazingly. we're all right here with you, dude!

“Yeah, yeah!” coughs Blue, nodding rapidly and wandering back into his room, gathering up his toothbrush and coloring book. “Exactly. That’s great advice, that’s perfect. Thank you, my friends. I have to hold on to stuff like that. Yeah.”

He sniffles and adjusts his cannula, sitting down on his bed.

“Is that true about the others? That’s good. I wish I was with them. All of them. I don’t care anymore, I just want to see them all. Dok gets so lost in his head sometimes. He acts tough but he’s usually scared… and my Dap, what’s he going to do if he doesn’t have his medicine? He plays doll or carver to feel safe even when he isn’t psychotic. But he’s tough though, shit, tough as leather, and him and Dok are clever too.”

He pauses, chewing on his nail.

“My poor twin,” he mumbles, his eyes going distant. “Deserves better than the weight of the world on his shoulders. Hope he’s letting Dapper share it with him. Tough as leather…”

Anonymous asked: Ah fuck. I understand your point Blue but uh... Just to prepare you, Trick's sort of fully affirmed that he's never leaving Anti's side. He put on his collar by his own decision. So... Yeah, if you're really going back with them just... Be prepared for that as much as you can. -🦀

Blue’s face has no color left to lose. He just stares at you, and then his gaze drops, numb and aching. He holds his knees to his chest and puts his head down.

“Wish I could be surprised,” he whispers, so soft you’re not sure he’s talking to you. “He’d just about die to feel wanted. Fuck, Trick, please don’t be too far gone…”

A knock on his door draws him back up again and he calls “come in” to bring in a small, smiling nurse.

“Hi, Matthew. Your brother’s back again.”

Blue shivers. “Um, okay. Please send him in.”

A person who looks like Trick shuffles into the room, his eyes low and uncertain, pushing the pad of his thumb against his palms again and again, a backpack over his shoulders.

“Hi,” he says, trying to smile, barely able to look at him. “Anti told me to come get you.”

spicydanhowell asked: chase? are you going to go pick up marvin from the hospital? he wants to see you darling

“Is it really you?” says Blue, trying to keep the tremble out of his voice. “Or are you here to beat the shit out of me again?”

The blue eyes flicker and Trick squirms slightly, kicking his shoes against the floor and slipping closer. “It’s me, Blue,” he whispers.

“Prove it,” snaps Blue, still holding his knees to his chest.

Trick sighs shakily, dropping his fidgeting hands. “I don’t know how you want me to do that. Um.”

“Talk about your cat,” Blue demands.

Trick stares at him, blinking. “Noodle,” he says softly, and then finds his feet a little. “Is my kitten. And he’s the best kitten. He’s getting bigger. He’s going to be happy to see you.”

Moving forward one more time, Blue can see cat fur on his blue hoodie. Watching him carefully, he reaches out and pulls a strand away, rubbing it between his fingers. It’s real. Not simulated. Anti would never get cat fur on him.

“Why,” Blue tries, and his voice breaks, and he has to try again. “Why didn’t you come see me?”

Anonymous asked: Make sure it’s him Blue, no repeats of last time.

“It - it is me,” Trick pleads, sitting anxiously down on the bed beside him. Blue doesn’t look at him. “It is. I didn’t… Anti didn’t tell me he was going to hurt you. I think he just lost his - ”

“Trick, I swear to God!” Blue interrupts him, suddenly shouting, his eyes squeezed shut. “If I have to hear one more goddamn excuse - !”

Trick cuts himself off immediately, rubbing his hands together again, his breathing coming a little fast.

“Please just don’t,” croaks Blue, rubbing at his face. “Not now, baby.”

“I’m sorry,” whispers Trick. “I thought about coming to see you, but I just… still don’t understand why you stayed here. And I was scared you were just going to keep telling me that you weren’t coming home. Anti kept telling me it wasn’t worth it, that you were being stupid, but I should have come. I was being selfish… I’m sorry. I’m really glad you’re coming home now, Zul. I’m going to take really good care of you, I promise! I’ll make it up to you.”

Blue looks up at him at last, sighing deep. He reaches out to brush his bangs out of his eyes.

“Do you like it?” whispers Trick, trying to smile.

“The green?” asks Blue, exhausted. “If you like it, I like it.”

“Anti likes it.” Trick pulls reverently at his spring-green bangs. “I like it.”

Marvin strokes the side of his head, staring at him, his eyes hurting.

spicydanhowell asked: smh marv. should cut his hair too. put a stop to the bootlicking.

Blue’s eyes light up a little.

“Hm,” he says, staring at Trick’s hair.

“What? What does that say?”

“Oh, nothing. Nothing.”

Blue glances at the bathroom.

“Hm,” he says again, narrowing his eyes. Trick frowns at him, pushing lightly at his shoulder, and the confusion on his face is enough to draw a soft laugh out of Blue.

“You look like you’re about to send an eagle to carry me into the sky!” says Trick.

Blue laughs again, pulling at his fringe. “Okay, okay, just… ah, Trick.”

“You don’t like it, do you? Blue! I don’t have Dok here to tell me I look good every day after shaving me, you can’t be tearing me down!”

Blue shoves him playfully, knocking their heads together, and Trick giggles, wrapping an arm around his waist.

“Let’s just go, huh?” pleads Trick, pressing his head into his shoulder, listening to his big brother’s heartbeat. “Please? I’ve missed you and I don’t like this place.”

Blue sighs, warmer now, calmer now.

“Okay, muffin. Did you bring me clothes?”

“Yeah, you can use my t-shirts and stuff. Just a second.”

He hops off the bed to open up his backpack.

“Maybe in his sleep,” Blue whispers to you. “Just to piss Anti off.”

Anonymous asked: GREEN hair? NOW WHY DOES THAT REMIND ME OF SOMEONE H M? Anti you better not be projecting your complicated emotions regarding Jack onto Trick. Because that's just fucked up dude -🦀

Blue’s eyes pause, turning quizzical. He reads through your message once, twice, glancing at Trick, but when he turns to reread it the third time, the message is gone.

“You do look kind of like someone I know,” says Blue, tilting his head at him.

“Really?” says Trick low and slow, and Blue immediately snorts, realizing he’s about to be teased.

“I’m just saying - ”

“Hmm,” says Trick, straightening up and tapping his chin thoughtfully. “How strange that I look like someone? Who could that be? God knows there’s no one in our lives I look like!”

Blue is laughing, hitting him with the jeans he’s just been provided with, letting it flop into Trick’s arm.

“I definitely don’t have an identical twin… or any brothers who look similar to me… or any shape-shifters in my life…”

“Shut up!” laughs Blue, and Trick giggles, bouncing on his heels a little, reaching out to help Blue into his clothes.

“You’re a dork.”

“No, you, dumb-ass, you are.”

Anonymous asked: I don't think Trick's fully gone. He does understand in some way that Anti shouldn't have hurt you during his last visit but... He's been alone with Anti for a while now and as much as I hate to admit it, he's been rather gentle with him and when Anti had a fit last time I think Trick saw himself in Anti because Anti said he knows that nobody in their right mind would ever want him. I honestly think that if anyone is bringing him back from that edge, it would be you guys, his own family. -🦀

Blue is ready to go.

Dressed and in a wheelchair with his oxygen slung over his the back and an extra waiting in Trick’s bag, he glances at your message and then up at his little brother, who beams back at him. Sunshine Trick. Sometimes pain is a good manipulator. Blue doesn’t know how much of the hurt and insecurity Anti presents to Trick is real and he doesn’t care anymore. His little brother deserves better than him. His little brother deserves much, much better.

And you’re right, Blue agrees, he isn’t fully gone.

Trick takes up position behind him to wheel him along, bowing down over him to kiss his forehead. Blue strokes the sides of his head where the hair is still brown for a moment, letting himself be comforted.

“Love you,” he mumbles.

“Love you,” answers Trick, with certainty, with force. “Love you too.”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Trick? Please be careful with your brother... and remember that he is always in your corner. He will try to help you, no matter the cost. Show him love!

“Yeah,” murmurs Trick, straightening up again, patting his shoulder. “He’s pretty damn good to me.”

He’ll take care of Blue, he swears it. He’ll do anything he needs. Be anything he needs. He can be anything anyone he loves needs. He’s getting very good at moving like that, adapting like that. He can make everyone happy if he’s careful enough, if he acts well enough for everybody, and that’s all that matters. He will make Blue happy whatever it takes. He will take care of his big brother. A powerful fondness rises up in Trick’s chest and he must breathe it out, smiling as he faces them towards the door.

“All checked out?” asks Blue.

“Yep, yep.”

“I have an appointment next week?”

“Yes. Got all your stuff?”

His toothbrush and his coloring book. The razor was a loan.

“Yeah.”

“Okay.” Trick strokes the soft white fuzz of his hair for a moment. “So we’re all ready to go home?”

Blue puts you down on his lap and fixes his proud gaze on the door.

“Yeah. With you? I’m ready to go.”

Whatever comes will come. He will still be fighting.

-------------

asexualzucchini asked: Jameson, you're not with Anti anymore

The morning greets you with a ruffle-haired Dapper scooping you off the bedside table and drawing you carefully over to him, pawing at his over-long hair and refusing to get up any longer than he has to, comfortable in the shared body heat of the weak mattress. It’s funny - in Red’s clothes, with his hair growing out, he should look more like Red, but he doesn’t seem to look much like Red at all, not the way all the others do. His face seems so young.

And, of course, the mustache.

Red is breathing heavy and slow beside him, his eyes shut and his bandaged arm thrown across his chest.

“I guess not,” signs Dapper, blinking around the room.

He pauses.

“I can’t remember when he’s supposed to come back. Are we…?”

His hands trail off, embarrassed, a line of distress clipping through his eyes.

He stares around the room, his mouth slightly open, and presses a hand to his head, trying to think.

He doesn’t remember anything.

For long minutes, he sits in bed, trying to orient himself in anything at all. He’s got little more than snippets to go on. He’s been reset so many times he’d be scattered under any conditions, and it doesn’t help that he’s broken his own timeline even more often. He knows some of the things he remembers are undone, and others are delusions, and still others feel like delusions because Anti made them seem that way. But some days this is a good thing for Anti to have done and other days it is bad. Gaps in his head stare back at him in judgement. Everyone else can keep their head on straight through the resets. Why do you keep going back and forth?

He laughs to himself. This is pathetic. It’s painful to be this scattered. Eventually, his brain settles on something and you see him calm down a little, picking you up again and beaming at you, settled into a headspace that feels safe.

“No, he’s not here. But he will be, soon, I expect,” he says, getting out of bed. “And I should make sure my twin is - no, wait!”

He pauses, confused but still smiling, giggling a little to himself.

“Were we trying to run away from Anti? Fucking bold, are we? Oh, Anti will be angry if he catches us. Is this Italy, then? Or - where did we run to? It’s after Japan. England again? Jackie found us, and then Jackie was Red, and then Jackie again, and - we are, aren’t we, are we running away from Anti?”

And then he flinches, hard, his eyes widening at something in the corner, and he sits back down beside Red, frowning. His own confusion is beginning to embarrass him and he signs “sorry” at you once, twice, three times, sighing a shuddering breath. Everything’s always changing but him. Maybe he’ll just let one of his brothers talk to you. That’s what he usually does.

aether-mae asked: Set it off Jameson

“Oh, I’m sorry.” He rubs at his face, shaking his head. “I’ve forgotten what this was referring to, I… I’m late to it, I’m not sure what it means.”

aether-mae asked: Jamie you know what to do, get to the church now-! You have control, you are an adult who makes his own choices. You can help save your brothers, even now. We will help guide you if you trust us

“Is that what we were doing?” he asks slowly, chewing on his lip. “A church… somewhere. I think I recall. Smoke and candlelight. A skull on display.”

He stares around the room.

“Because Red has been cruel with me. Because he’s a ghost. Because Anti killed him.”

Dapper shudders and grabs his shoulders, shaking his head out. Running away doesn’t sound like a bad idea. He couldn’t bear being thrown around right now. He wants his twin.

No, but he doesn’t have one anymore, does he? Anti said no more after what happened, and after that, there’s just rooms and rooms and rooms, all of them empty, and no one but Anti to sleep beside or talk to for months. Nobody even likes him. He bites his nails into his palms and sighs. It would be so much easier if they could just ever stop moving around and if Anti would stop changing everyone place to place, so suddenly he can never even tell.

“I could sneak out the door,” he says, staring at Red’s backpack. “There’s a little cash left. Maybe get on a bus.”

Anonymous asked: Uhh I don’t think going to the church is a good idea. The meeting place has been compromised, you’ll need to go somewhere else Jamie.

“Okay,” he says, nodding. “Should I wait, then, or should I go now, while he is asleep? Oh, look, he’s hurt. Did I do that to him? We fought. He slapped me and then I… I didn’t really mean to. We don’t get on well. Okay, not the church. I could go somewhere, though. I don’t want…”

He stares at his hands for a second.

“I don’t want to be seen like this anymore. I’m so… humiliated. All the time. All the time. I miss being - being - I don’t recall.”

bupine asked: you can't go to the church now, dap. that's not safe anymore. don't run away from red, he'll be terrified if you leave and if anti finds him without you he'll be in so much trouble. you two have to stay together, ok?

Dapper groans a little to himself and rubs at his shoulders. “I don’t want him to lock me in my room again. I hate being locked in my room. Why do I have to stop him from being terrified? Imagine being shut back into your prison cell every day and knowing it’s going to make you lose track of the person you are all over again. Half of my days are forgotten the next morning, so I just get locked in over - and over - and over - and over again. Dapper’s in his room. Dapper’s always in his room. Playing with his toys, isn’t he such a little boy? I don’t have anything else to play with…”

Then Dapper flinches again, hard, and scrambles back against the wall.

A pause, a wild shiver from him - and then a warm smile, and a dullness in his eyes, to keep him safe.

“No, no, I was being good,” he promises the hallway, sinking down against the wall. “I was, I was. Please, I’m sorry…”

immabethehero asked: You've got us to help you, Jameson, go for it!!!

Dapper shakes his head vehemently and shivers, gripping at the floor of the room.

“No, I wasn’t going to run, I wouldn’t. I’m here like you told me to be. I’m being good, look, I bandaged my big brother like you told me, I protected him. I am, I am.”

He covers his head with his hands for a second.

“Please, Anti, you know it scares me when your face changes like that. Please don’t smile at me like that.”

Anonymous asked: There’s no one there, Dapper, it’s just you and Red. There are no monsters.

Dapper’s eyes flicker to you, to the ceiling, to the door, his face twitching.

He covers his face, trying to breathe deep.

“There’s nothing there?”

He feels something grab his ankle and he gasps, jumping hard, but when he looks again, there is nothing but whispering around him, voices talking to him. He can hear Red telling him to shut the fuck up - yelling at him, Dapper, shut the fuck up, sit still, stop it - but the bed is unmoving and Red is still asleep. The world spins and something laughs at him from underneath the bed. He can see the red of its eyes.

“You’re being such a chore for me lately,” sighs a nearby voice, low and distorted with electricity. He feels hands wrap around his waist. Something is stroking his throat. “My little brother. Jack’s other monster. You are being such a little nightmare, Dapper. Is it any wonder he asked to stop having to be your twin?”

Dapper grabs his ears. There is a cat screaming and the squealch of blood as he puts his knife down into a body he doesn’t recognize. He can hear Blue murmuring reassurances at him and Trick shouting. He can hear the magician girl spitting insults at him as she carves her skin into patterns. Someone is talking about space travel. Someone is talking about Brexit. Someone is just laughing. He can hear St. John preaching Revelations. Something growls right in his ear and a hot, wet, slimy tongue touches his neck. Someone is knocking on the door.

“Please - I’m not trying to hurt you. I’m here to help. Please let me in, I don’t care if you don’t remember me…”

Dapper curls in on himself, choking.

bupine asked: we're not anti, k, jamie? it's just the cameras, just us that anti assigned to look after you. he can't see you at all right now. it's just us, this isn't a test or a trick. just us and jackie, us and red. you're safe right now. there's nothing coming to hurt you.

“Safe, safe, safe.”

Dapper chants it to himself, pressed back against the wall between the bed and the beside table, hiding his head between his knees.

“Safe, safe, safe!”

Someone is breathing on him. Someone is reciting his police record. There is a great dark figure on the ceiling, like a bat or a lizard, but all he can make out is its keening, green eye baring into him. His hands ache for his blade.

immabethehero asked: You could tell Red that you're capable of looking after yourself. Or ask if he'll bring you along. Then you can show your capability

“Will he believe me, will he?”

His eyes roll slightly in his skull, his breathing heavy and strangled in his chest, and he begins to sign nearly too fast to be followed.

“I hate it when he looks at me the way he looks at me. Red, red, I wasn’t meaning to hurt anybody it’s just - except, well, we are the gas station - I’m hungry, I’m so hungry, why do we never have enough to eat? Seems cruel of Anti but many things do. Can you tell I - well, I try to be good, but then other times goodness is not what he makes it seem to be, I don’t - ”

He pauses, staring blank-faced for a second, clawing at his ears, and his disorganization brings him back in a loop, and he says, “Yes, I hope Red would give me a chance to prove I’m plenty vicious all on my own.”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Jameson, what are you seeing, honey?

“It’s just everyone’s being so loud! Stop, stop! Please be quiet! I am trying to do my best, I am! Why do none of you ever listen to me? I’m your brother too, I’m not a pet, I’m not. Turn down the radio, Red? Please? Can you turn down the radio? I don’t want to do that. Don’t make me again. I never meant to hurt anyone. I never meant to hurt myself. Make the knocking stop. I don’t want anyone to come into my room anyway. Stop knocking!”

The knocking on the door is, at least, going quieter, but everything else seems loud to him.

“Jackie, are you in there? I swear I won’t hurt you.”

“Everyone is talking to me.” Dapper sinks in on himself. “But no one ever listens to stupid little brother. Why won’t you be quiet?”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: You are allowed and more than entitled to feel however you are feeling, Jameson. Explain to Red what you are feeling... it might help him understand where you're coming from.

“No one is listening to me.” Dapper can barely sign for the shaking of his hands.

“Look, I - I’ll bust in if I have to, don’t make me.” Knocking on the door.

“No one is ever listening. I’m not even real anymore.”

“I’m not just giving up cause you hit me once, dumb-ass, you better know that. I don’t even care if Anti’s in there. I’ll put a bullet in him, I don’t care.” Knock, knock, knock.

Red shifts in his bed, groaning a little. Dapper can barely hear him. His ears are full.

Anonymous asked: Jameson, buddy, you need to calm down take a breather. Close your eyes and count to ten. Focus on relaxing your shoulders and just breathe. There is no one here but us, your friends, Jackie, and possibly Max at the door. You are okay, you are real, and you are safe.

He needs to calm down. He needs to.

No one’s here. No one’s here. Trick’s not shouting at him and Dok’s not crying and Anti isn’t touching him. There are no mice on his feet or worms in his hair. God isn’t trying to send him secret messages. He’s just psychotic. For a moment, it’s clear to him, he understands it, he could almost laugh - but the fucking paranoia, the fucking paranoia! He’s going to die and no one will care.

No, come on, breathe! You see him shudder as he sucks in air, sinking down on the wall, his hands mumbling incoherently.

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Jameson, open the door. It's Max! He's a friend!

Dapper manages to look up, still trying to draw deep breaths.

“What - can you hear that too?”

Between the whispering and the shouting and the sobbing and the screaming. Beneath the preaching and the threats and the condemnation and the animal hissings.

Knocking and a vaguely familiar voice.

Max?

Jackie’s Max?

Dapper manages to get to his feet.

Anonymous asked: Yes! Jackie’s Max!

Dapper creeps to the door and peers through the peephole.

A little of his shaking quiets with something to focus on. He stares for a long time. Max has gone quiet. You think you can hear him shuffling a little in the hall, maybe walking in circles, and a deep sigh comes from him, low and hurting.

Dapper withdraws a little, frowning, rubbing at his face. Old, foggy memories and deep-set training are beginning to conflict in his head. He feels Anti standing close behind him.

Anonymous asked: When I have hallucinations, it always helps me to describe it to someone, but try to makes it sound silly, or to mock it/make fun of it until I can't do anything but giggle, even at the horrifying shit. Maybe try that, JJ, if you start having them? Describe them to us. Also, know you're never without hope okay? I know that's kind of a "haha sure" because of how long you've had to live through this, but trust me. There is always at least one ray of light. Find it as best as you can Jameson.

One ray of light.

Dapper tilts his head, thinking.

“I’m hallucinating that I see… someone I think I knew in another life. I don’t remember much of anything about him. But he is familiar, somehow. I’m not sure I like it. It is silly, it is.”

He laughs suddenly, hiccuping in his chest, and Max’s footsteps still on the other side of the door.

“It’s silly because it can’t be him. It was another lifetime. I was another person. How could he have searched all this time? Impossible.”

One ray of light.

bupine asked: dap, is it possible you can answer the door? it's not anti, it's an kld friend of jackie's, of red's. he wants to help you.

Dapper puts his hand on the door handle, breathing soft, quiet.

“Jackie,” you hear Max murmur.

Dapper lets the door open just a crack.

Silence for a second.

You can’t see much else but the door.

Dapper steps back a little. Max whispers the tiniest “thanks” you’ve ever heard. He steps inside the room.

They look at each other for a second. Max opens his mouth to speak, his eyes astonished.

And then you see Carver’s training snap right back into place.

“Motherfuck!” shouts Max, ducking out of the way of a sudden blow towards his face, and Dapper leaps at him, grabbing him by the hair and dragging him into the room, slamming the door shut behind him, his teeth bared. On the bed is his brother, startling awake and sitting up straight. Anti will be back soon enough. And this?

Dapper dodges Max’s hands trying to grab him and slams him against the wall, snapping at his throat while Max hollers and tries to shove him back.

This is an intruder. Intruders are not allowed.

“Look, I know your entire family has always been practically feral,” gasps Max, driving his knee into Dapper’s stomach and making him fall back. “But seriously?”

Anonymous asked: DAPPER NO STOP HE ISNT AN INTRUDER HES A FRIEND A FRIEND !!!

“What they said!” shouts Max, sweeping Dapper’s legs out from under him and managing to make him crash backwards, though he grabs Dapper’s shoulders to keep him from falling hard. “Please, bud! I’m here to help! Unless you’re possessed right now, in which case, fuck you, Anti!”

Dapper whistles shrilly and grabs Max by the throat, but Max has a lot of strength on Dapper and he throws his fingers off, twisting Dapper’s arm to try and pin him. You hear an indignant yelp from the bed and then Red is crashing into the both of them, shoving Max away from Dapper, and both of them go tumbling to the ground on either side of Red, panting hard.

“Stop!” shouts Red, holding out his hands.

Max and Dapper stare up at him.

Dapper’s eyes are distracted, constantly flickering around the room, his face twitching continuously, and Red can see in an instant that he’s in the middle of a very bad start to the day. He staggers back to his feet and races to the bathroom, finding his pretty Christmas knife sitting beside the sink and clutching it to his chest, breathing a little easier with his protection.

Max, on the other hand, is still, is staring.

Red needs to go look after Dapper. Red needs to move. Red needs to do something, say something, do anything at all.

But Max is just looking at him and he can’t move.

“Dap,” he manages finally, almost choking. “Get the handcuffs.”

Anonymous asked: Haha ...uh what? Handcuffs? For who?

Max gives one short little sigh, his face cross.

A minute later he is sat down in the chair next to the desk in the room, his wrists handcuffed together behind him.

“Great,” he says. “This is really fun. I love reunions. Happy morning, everyone.”

“Shut up,” snaps Red, his voice trembling worse than Trick’s.

He’s sitting on the bed with Dapper, holding his little brother’s shoulders, trying to help him find his way back to coherency. Dapper trembles and trembles beneath his hands, his fingers mumbling about Anti and monsters and voices and memories.

“Hey, it’s not real,” whispers Red, squeezing his shoulders gently. “Can you focus on me, please?”

The air conditioner rattles. Sweat drips down Dapper’s forehead. Max shifts in his chair.

“Is he okay?” he asks.

“Why do you care?” spits Red, clutching his little brother to his chest.

Max just stares at him. He looks just as tired as Red does. There is a faint smell of petrichor in the air, but it has not rained.

Anonymous asked: Happy Morning, Max. We are so sorry.

“This is actually not dissimilar to the way we first met,” says Max, happy to narrate to you while Red tries and fails to ignore him. “Or like the fifth time, we met, I suppose. But he was the one in the handcuffs. So I will forgive it. Happy morning! Juice Box, why isn’t he on medication?”

“Don’t pretend you know anything about my family!” shouts Red.

Max frowns, real grief in his eyes, though he keeps his voice calm and chipper. He has a clean British accent. “I’ll be quiet if you really want me to be. Do you?”

Red can’t seem to answer, stroking Dapper’s shoulders. His little brother’s eyes are beginning to get a silver light in them as he struggles to find his place in the timeline, disoriented and upset. Red squeezes his shoulders tight.

“You gotta stay with me, buddy,” he mumbles, just for Dap. “I’m going to keep you safe but you gotta stay with me.”

Dapper doesn’t answer, his eyes fixed on whatever’s on the wall behind them. Red sighs, his chest aching.

“My name’s not ‘Juice Box,’“ he says after a second, turning to glare at Max. “That’s stupid.”

“A little,” agrees Max. “Which is why I like it, Juice.”

“Fuck, just - don’t call me that. And definitely don’t call me that… other name you were saying.”

“What should I call you?”

Red glances at Dapper. At Max. At the door.

“Just call me Ro,” he says finally.

Anonymous asked: I’m kinda impressed you’re taking this so well, Max. And really happy you’re here. Ro had snuck off to get James some meds but he’s not sure he’s got the right ones. That’s how he got the cops attention, btw.

“Mmh,” sighs Max, laughing a little. “Thanks, I’ve just… had my freak-out last night, I guess. You should have seen me then. I, uh. It’s a lot to process. That he doesn’t remember me. And doesn’t seem to want to.”

He laughs, slumping back against his chair a little. “I just… whatever he does, I’ll be here for it. It might upset me. But I won’t leave. I am - fuck, I’m - I’m angry and I’m confused and I’m scared for him and for me and probably Anti will be back to kill me soon, but it just doesn’t matter anymore. I’ve looked for him for a long time and I’m sure he’s had it worse than me. So I’ll do my blubbering and breaking down on my own time. Right now I gotta be calm cause he’s not calm in the least.”

Max pauses, tilting his head.

“Also, who the fuck are you?”

Anonymous asked: We’re friends with the boys, and we’ve been trying to do what we can to get them away from Anti. It has, by no means, been a smooth ride, but we’ve tried our best. Also, Anti isn’t here. These two got split from the rest of them so they’ve been away for a while. I mean... Anti might know where they are but it’s not a for sure thing.

“Ah,” says Max, his eyes lighting up. Ro has gone slightly pink in the cheeks, turning his eyes away. “You were separated from Anti. That’s why I was able to find you.”

“Stop,” Red demands, striking his hand against his palm, but Max is excited, now.

“Ro, this is good news, you - you’re away from him, he’s not hurting you, we can get you someplace safe before he comes back - ”

“No!” snarls Red. “No, Anti is my brother!”

Max’s mouth stills, slightly open.

“Anti isn’t bad, Max,” says Red, and suddenly he needs him to know it, he needs to make him understand, he needs him to agree. “You just don’t understand! He’s my family, he - I’m still trying to figure some things out, but he’s not a monster. When he stole me away and took my memories, he wasn’t doing it to hurt me. We were being manipulated by our old master. He was saving us, protecting us.”

Max’s eyes have gone hard and silent. He stares at the floor, his mouth taut.

Red leans back, trying to breathe. He doesn’t know why Max’s silent disagreement upsets him.

“He’s going to find us soon and we’re going to go back with him,” finishes Red quietly. “If you’re here then, you’re dead. I don’t know you and I won’t protect you. End of story.”

Dapper turns over in bed, looking at them. The air conditioner blows across Max’s soft black hair, letting dark strands into his deep eyes. Ro is momentarily breathless.

“You said you had medicine?” asks Max.

“What?”

“For Jameson. You stole some?”

“His name is Dapper.”

“Yuck. Have you given it to him yet?”

Ro blinks. He hasn’t even looked at it yet.

“Maybe you should.”

After a moment, Ro gets up to check out the medicine he stole. Fanapt.

“Ah, shit,” he groans.

“No,” protests Dap, when he sees the label on the bottle. “No, no, no.”

“Anti just gave you too much last time, it might have worked if you just started slow.”

“No F-A-N-A-P-T,” Dapper insists, hiding everything but his hands beneath the blankets on the bed. “No, no, no.”

“Your eyes are silver…”

Dapper does not answer, drawing his hands down into his blanket burrow. Red sighs, tempted more than he’d like to admit to just force him to take the medicine. But that was what Anti had done too, and it had upset Red.

“I’m glad you two, at least, are alive,” says Max, very soft.

Anonymous asked: We're, uh. Complicated, in a word! Heh. We can talk to the Jackie and his brothers (and Anti, sometimes) through these cameras. And we really want to help them get away from Anti. We knew them before he got his hands on them, too. Though, also totally get if you're skeptical; mysterious voices through technology is fair game for suspicion with Anti about. But basically, we're doing our best to keep the boys as safe and healthy as they'll allow.

“Please, if you were Anti you’d be here shrieking at me already.” Max laughs. “Too impatient to try tricking me. He killed a lot of people we knew when he stole them away, you know, but his dumb ass didn’t take the time to come looking for me. I was undercover at the time. No contact with Jackie or anyone I knew. Got back two months later and there was nothing but a trail of blood. The five of them gone and so many of the people they loved dead. But he didn’t have the patience to find me.”

Max’s dark eyes fix on a black stain on the wall, his mouth curving into a smile while his eyes narrow into slits.

“His fucking mistake.”

bupine asked: red, if you let max go, he can maybe get ahold of some haldol for you. you can trust him to come back - he really does care for you, much more than you realize. he can get some for dap and then he'll be ok. haldol is the right medicine, right?

“I thought Dok said the Haldol wasn’t working anymore,” frowns Ro.

“No… he said that to cover for me when I was being disobedient. The Haldol was fine.”

“What? Dok lied to Anti’s face?”

Dapper says nothing. Ro stands back, blinking.

“Well, maybe he’s got more courage than me after all,” mumbles Ro, glancing over at Max. After a moment, he goes to sit back down next to him, thinking.

Dapper’s the manipulator here. But maybe Red could get this person to do some favors for both of them.

That means putting trust in him, though, a part of his brain reminds him, and Red squirms anxiously, rubbing his tired face.

Anonymous asked: Ro, if he trusts you enough to let you handcuff him to a chair, because don’t think for a moment he couldn’t have kicked your ass, I think you can trust him. remember the third option? You wanted it last night, here’s your chance.

Ro scoffs. “You couldn’t kick my ass.”

Max’s face lights up a little. “Oh, you little punk. Guess again.”

“No way.”

“Yeah, definitely.”

“I hit you last night!”

“Your surprised me with an asshole move!”

“Your fault for being surprised. I’m very fast, no one ever sees me coming.”

“Hey, I’m bigger, though. I’ve got three inches on you!”

Red is not blushing. Nope. Definitely not.

And he definitely doesn’t feel warmer at the sound of Max laughing.

“I want to talk to you about everything!” cries Max suddenly, re-invigorated and beaming so brightly at him Red might need to sit down. “I don’t care what it is, I want to know everything, I need to, you don’t know how worried I’ve been. Fuck, Ro.”

And then there are tears in his brown eyes, and Red backs away, alarmed, overwhelmed. Max turns his face away, closing his eyes, trying to stop his voice from trembling.

“Sorry. Fuck. You know, I - I was looking for James, not you. Because all I knew about Anti back then was that he was the person who had kidnapped Jameson once before and that he wanted to do it again. And you made me promise, if Anti ever killed you and the others, that I would find him and help him, no matter what it took. I didn’t realize Anti would have any interest in keeping you alive too. I thought…”

Tears are dripping down Max’s cheeks, turned away from Red, quiet in the grief of the memory. Ro stares at him. He can hear Dapper moving sleepily in the bed.

His little brother. His littlest brother.

“I asked you to protect… Jameson?”

Max nods, slowly, still hiding his face.

Ro sits back, shaking his head.

“Max, who are you?” he whispers, looking up at him.

Max opens his eyes, deep as oceans, and turns to him with a fragile smile. In that moment, he sees a million of things that Jackie has been through, and a million of the things that are still hurting him, and a million hurting parts of his heart, and none of it is fair, and none of it is okay, and all Max can do is whatever he can do. Right now, Jackie is overwhelmed, is struggling, is afraid of him. Max will not overwhelm him more.

“Sorry for crying,” he chuckles. “I’m just a friend. And I’ve finally found you, and you’re alive. I’m just a friend who wants to help. Okay?”

Ro nods slowly, staring at the floor.

Anonymous asked: Don’t feel too discouraged, Max. He doesn’t like to accept what Anti really is because he thinks that makes him a monster for helping bring his brothers to him. It’s not his fault, he was brainwashed, but he’s got a lot of self-loathing and it’s not gonna let up anytime soon. He’s very slowly making progress, figuring it out and all. But I think he’s even more stubborn then he was before.

Max nods slowly, chewing on his lip.

“You must have been through a lot, in the past year,” he whispers.

He doesn’t know why he whispers. To be gentle, he supposes. To be close to him. To make him come closer. And Ro does - Ro scoots slightly forward with his chair, still fixated on the carpet. His mouth opens for a second, like he’ll admit it - yes, Max, you don’t even know, everything has hurt and hurt and hurt for as long as I remember, I’m so fucking tired, I’m doing my best but nothing makes sense and everything is fucking painful and I’m so wildly scared of you because I think maybe you knew me when I was a better man and I can’t be what you remember me being, not anymore, and you won’t want me once you see that -

But he doesn’t say anything.

Max swallows and finds a joke. “More stubborn?”

Ro’s mouth quirks.

“That’s not possible, is it?”

Ro rolls his eyes, sitting back, his mouth twitching.

“Fuck’s sake. You must be a goddamn mountain. Maybe I should just give up now! More stubborn, we’re all done for. Didn’t think it was possible.”

“I could punch you,” grumbles Ro, but without any heat, and when he looks up to meet Max’s eyes, they are both smiling, just a little, in the corner of the motel room.

bupine asked: you used to trust him a hell of a lot, red. you can do that again.

Red shivers slightly, rubbing his palms together. He hears Dapper get up beside him and snag the little grocery basket, pulling out their loaf of bread and getting out a slice to eat piece by delicate piece, pushing the soft bread into his mouth without butter or meat. The thought makes Ro’s stomach hurt.

“Is that all you have right now?” frowns Max.

Shame. Shame heating up his face. Coiling in his gut. He doesn’t answer.

“Hey,” says Max, trying to make him re-focus. “I’ve got money, Ro.”

“I don’t need your charity,” snaps Red, turning his face away from him.

Max sits back, frowning.

“You haven’t been able to take care of your brothers at all, have you?”

“I’ve done everything I could!” answers Red, and he doesn’t even know why he’s suddenly shouting, but he is, and his heart is quaking in his chest. “I have, I have! I - I - I’ve starved for them, I’ve taken beatings for them, I’ve - ”

His voice shatters. He hides his face, shaking. What else is he going to say? He’s beat them, too. He’s hurt them, yelled at them, taunted them, ignored them. And no, he hasn’t taken care of them, not enough, never ever enough, and for months it has made guilt and self-hatred ache like a coal of fire in the middle of his chest, and this - this is the worst of it, the others completely lost to him, Dapper starving and psychotic, trapped in this shitty little motel room, not even on good terms with him, not even -

Dapper’s hand are on his shoulders.

“Ro,” whispers Max. “It’s okay.”

Ro’s hand snag Dapper’s wrists and he presses himself against his little brother’s chest, hugging him fierce. Dapper clicks softly against his ears. One click means Red. Biggest brother. Click.

Dapper isn’t blaming him.

“I’m sure you did your best,” says Max. “It isn’t your fault.”

Like a benediction. Ro doesn’t even know if it’s true, but fuck, does he want it to be. It isn’t your fault. He’s buried in Dapper’s shirt, clinging to him.

He trusted Max with his safety? His Dapper? His little brother? Dapper is rubbing his back lightly, sighing against his ear, and he’s okay, for now, he is. He’s okay. Red pulls away to look at him, holding his head in his hands for a second, and Dapper stares right back at him. Honestly… he’s a tough little person. Red had never thought much about it before. Tough and forgiving. Embarrassed, Ro keeps his arm around Dapper’s waist, and together, the two of them turn slightly back towards Max, who’s -

Picked his way out of his handcuffs?

“Oh, fuck off,” signs Dapper, scowling. “I’ve been trapped in those little shits for hours on end.”

Max hands him a little lockpicking tool without hesitation, giving him a bright smile, and Dapper lights up a little, taking it from him and clutching it between his hands. Ro stares between the two of them, blinking.

“Gonna lock me up again?” asks Max. “Maybe in the bathroom or the closet this time? Tie me to the bed? We could get creative with it.”

Ro shakes his head slowly, shyly looking up at his bruised face.

“Awesome,” says Max, and from his smile, even Red knows he means it. His brown eyes are bright with a little extra water in them, but for them he’ll be calm. For them, anything.

“Well, then,” he says, taking another step towards the two of them, hooked arm-in-arm. “Can I bring you guys some pancakes?”

Anonymous asked: Oh, Max, you be careful with that attitude of yours. Don't get cocky. Your enemy's much, much closer than you think, and more dangerous than you know, even with all you've learned already. He has dogs at his heel and stolen magic at his command, and he single-handedly slaughtered a whole building of magicians. What do you think he'll do to you, a single mortal man, who's actively trying to take two of his pets and is from before they were Anti's besides? You be fucking careful where you step.

Ro takes a moment to hide in the bathroom, trying to calm himself down. Dapper sits back on his bed, chewing on his bread, having an easier time shaking off the voices now, with everything calmer. And Max has a moment to look at you - to turn the camera over in his hands, brushing his fingers along the smooth black body, staring in to the cold gleam of the staring lens - and he reads your message, and he smiles, just a little, that cold half-smile, and you can see the hatred in him, the hatred that has been devouring him whole for months on end, when Jackie’s corpse and Anti’s laughter were the only things he could think about.

“Either Jackie and Jameson are coming home with me, away from Anti, for the rest of their lives, or Anti’s going to cut my throat open and leave me for the dogs.”

He sets you down on the little table and turns away from Dapper, staring out the window, his eyes glittering.

“I’m done chasing his shadow. Time for him to show his coward face. He killed me once the day he stole them and there is nothing more now that he can do to me.”

He turns his narrow, golden gaze back to you. Tiger eyes.

“Tell your master,” he says. “To come and fucking get me.”

----------------

Anonymous asked: It’s good to have you back, Doc.

There’s piano music playing games in the garden. Up and down and back down the keyboard. Laughter.

“You told me you were good at this!”

“I told you I think I used to be good at this!” Henrik shoves into Hermann’s shoulder and scoots him down the piano bench.

“You better become good fast or I will soon be the better,” warns Hermann, trying to reach across the keyboard. Henrik pins his hand down and continues his melody, snickering as Hermann tries to fight back, and soon they are on either side of the keys with different melodies interrupting each other.

“Ha, you missed a note.”

“You missed a note!”

“Idiots, get some sheet music!” insists Genesis, coming up behind them and stealing some papers out of the top of the piano. Henrik and Hermann let out laughter in the form of acceptance and steady themselves on the keys, sitting side by side.

“Okay, old man, ready?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.”

And a melody kicks up, low and pretty between them.

It’s good to have you back, you tell him.

The wind is blowing warm through his hair and there are no wounds or illness to hurt him. He knows he is safe and he will eat soon, a full meal. The weight is coming back to his bony stomach and arms. This morning, he and Nina went for a walk, just because they could, to talk and move and feel the freedom of the trees.

It’s good to have myself back, he thinks, and the music flows out of him in harmony.

Anonymous asked: Henrik, it's so good to have you back. We're going to get all of your brothers back to you and away from Anti. They will all know their names and you'll be together again, whatever it takes.

“Okay, okay, I got the good stuff!” calls JP, rolling up to the table on the stone nearby and slamming down a huge pile of books, making Henrik jump and then laugh nervously at himself, rubbing his arms. “This is what the Old Man recommended, there’s got to be something to help the sick magician in here.”

Henrik touches Hermann’s shoulder and gets up, hurrying to sit down with JP and Genesis. There are children flicking sand at each other in a little playbox nearby. Henrik reaches out and his hands pause over a book at the top.

“Go ahead,” smiles JP, and Henrik takes it, flipping open a page right away.

“Oh, wait, Spanish.”

“Here’s a few in English,” says JP, sliding him a stack.

Henrik lets out a breath, trying to steady himself, and he adjusts you on your place on the table, pulling you a little closer.

“Thank you,” he says, adjusting a new pair of glasses. “I hope so too. But I don’t know, I - I want Anti to remember himself too… He can’t have always been like this. He is still my brother.”

Genesis and JP exchange glances, but they don’t say anything.

bupine asked: henrik, i think some people are beyond redemption. i wish i could say there was a way to save anti. but remember all the things he did to you and your brothers. he's a terrible, manipulative person, and not all terrible people can be saved

Henrik’s mouth trembles slightly. He can’t bring his eyes up to the lens, absorbing himself in a book labeled, in bright blue words, “the Talisman.”

Genesis prepares a smile for him in case he looks up, but he doesn’t.

Anonymous asked: Anti's a coward, and weaker than he'll admit Henrik. He took you all out one by one because he can't handle you all together. But now that we have you back, we can get them all back. And he won't be able to hurt you anymore.

“I do want to be back with them,” he says softly. “That’s the most important thing.”

He glances up a little, a sly shine coming back to his eyes.

“For now, I guess you assholes will have to do,” he sighs, and Genesis snorts and pushes his book shut on top of his hand in retaliation.

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Hen, do you by chance know a guy named Max?

“Max, I don’t think so.” He looks up at the others. “A magician?”

“No one I know,” says JP. “Hey, look at this - so I knew magical transfer was possible, right, but I thought it was just pieces of it, right? But apparently - well, you can’t read this. It says that something called a ‘Complete Gift’ of magic is possible, but only if the only giving the magic away is already on their deathbed.”

Henrik stares down at the book for a second, chewing on his lip. JP runs his hand nervously through his hair.

“Guess it… doesn’t apply?” suggests Genesis.

Henrik nods forcefully, his eyes flickering. “Yeah… doesn’t apply. Right?”

“Stealing seems to be a very different matter than giving away,” admits JP with a sigh. “But magic like that is so dark these books either refuse to acknowledge it or believe it’s impossible.”

Hermann comes to sit down between them, holding out his crucifix necklace. “My dad gave this to me when he was dying,” he says. “That’s why it’s so powerful, I think. It’s not as strong as he was, but it’s a good chunk of energy. Something about that line that holds us to life getting thinner - it makes it easier for the magic to move. Maybe that’s why your friend is so ill.”

Henrik stares at the crucifix, his hands worrying together in his palms.

“We’ll keep looking,” says JP.

“He shouldn’t have taken it,” mumbles Henrik, staring down at his books again. “It was wrong of him… we trusted him. He hurt Blue.”

Anonymous asked: Red and Dapper have bumped into someone they knew pre-Anti. Don't worry, he's an old friend of Red/Jackie's. He is there to help them out (as much as they'll allow him to at least). Just thought you might want an update since they're the closest to you.

“Oh.” Henrik blinks, tilting his head. “Oh, that’s… are they safe? The stranger won’t hurt them? They should be careful. How do you know they used to know Red? They could be a trick or a cop. I wish I was with Dapper, I need to take care of him, he gets so sick…”

His hands scrape at the pages of the book as he tries to stay calm, letting out another deep breath.

Everything is fine here, but he still always seems to feel so nervous.

“Do they - do they remember anything about me?”

He remembers nothing about himself.

Anonymous asked: Henrik, you need to let the magicians find Anti, and quick, please. He's turning Trick into... into some type of pet. He's changing his appearance to look like the old master. He's manipulating him into a baby, the same he did to Dapper. You need to let them save your brother. Help them, if you can. I'm worried for Trick. He willingly wore the collar.

Henrik’s whole body seems to still.

He sits without moving for so long that the chatter of the others cut off. You can feel their eyes on him. His face is blank. He’s staring at his book.

“Henrik,” mumbles Hermann, reaching for him.

He jerks his hand away. “My name is - ”

He cuts himself off. The birds chirp, cheerful, in the trees. The pages of his book rustle.

“Can I go?” he asks, his voice strained.

“What?” says Genesis.

“I want to go back to my room,” he says.

Genesis looks at JP and Hermann.

“Okay,” says JP, frowning. “Of course you can. Do you want me to - Henrik!”

He’s already up, scooping the English books into his arms and snatching you up, his cheeks beginning to get red with the stress as he books it down the hallway until he is running towards his room. At last, he reaches the door and throws himself inside, slamming it shut behind him and collapsing next to his bed, trembling from how hard he can feel his heart race, his face taut with agony.

It takes him a long time to breathe.

“I should be with him!” he screams, and he throws both you and the books to the side, buries his face in his arms on his knees, and curls in around himself.

Anonymous asked: Hen, it’s not your fault that this happened.

“I’m the older twin,” he whispers, rubbing at his wrists. “I’m supposed to protect him. He hates that collar… he’ll tell you he likes it, but he doesn’t. It’s humiliating and it reminds him of the days when master was still breaking us in. If I were there he would have me to look after him, at least in the nights, when we were together, alone, and he would know he was not… he was not… a pet.”

spicydanhowell asked: hen, baby, idk if this helps but he's only like this because he's constantly hypnotized. once he's away from anti, he'll get better. i promise. marvin is there trying to knock some sense into him.

“No, why, what did he do?” groans Dok, shaking his head and hiding his face in his hands. “No, no, no, just tell him to be good so Anti will not keep hypnotizing him! He gets so disoriented! He doesn’t like things in his head! He will snap out of it and then he will look back at himself and - and sometimes it is too much for him to bear, he can’t just - he can’t just be hypnotized all the time, it means he doesn’t think at all about the things that hurt him, and then they must all well up at once and come crashing down on his head. Blue is there! Blue’s not me. He doesn’t know my twin, my twin! Just tell Trick to be good, to be quiet, to hide…”

hollenka99 asked: Blue is doing his best to remind him of that while you're all separated.

Dok shivers and grips his own shoulders. “Keep an eye on him for me… please? I can’t watch him hurt himself anymore…”

bupine asked: henrik. you can't help trick of you're under anti's control. THIS is how you help him, ok? you need to get better. blue is already free from anti's control as far as we know. if we can get red and dapper out of anti's control, trick will be the only one left and it'll be easier to help him. ok? we'll keep an eye on him, we'll hell him as best we can. but you need to get better. once you're well, you can better help your twin.

He tilts his head back and forth, pushing his glasses up on his nose.

“Well…”

He pauses, rubbing his hands together.

“Yes, maybe… yes, okay. This is all so wild, I… I don’t know what will happen. At some point, Anti will come to get me, and I don’t know what will happen then. I don’t even know what I would choose.”

Doktor rubs his hands together. Henrik leans back against the bed, sighing.

“Yeah.. yeah, it would be good for me to be more steady for Trick. I’m always…”

He pauses, swallowing, looking down at the floor in his embarrassment.

“Always going all still and dead-eyed on him,” he mumbles. “Get stuck in my own head. I think, after this, I’ll be able to look after him better.”

Anonymous asked: But you’re not there, love, so there is no use dwelling on it. What’s done is done and now we just have to try and fix it. It’s better that you’re here now because you’re awake and you’re getting stronger as the days go past. He’s got Blue with him now, who is very much awake, so I’m sure he’ll be in good hands. It’s not a good situation, no, but we’ve got to look for solutions. We’ll figure this out, okay? You’ve got to focus on what’s important and that’s you and recovery.

“Easier said than done,” he sighs, but he tries to steady himself nonetheless, sitting up and pulling a book back into his lap. He does want to focus on -

“Oh, not my recovery,” he laughs. “Look at me, I’m fine. You mean Blue, yes, I need to focus on that.”

Anonymous asked: If I may say, Hen? Maybe he should be with you, here, instead of you being with him? You can be twins here, with the library and the kids and the good food.

He pauses, thinking.

“Yeah,” he says after a moment, and then he’s smiling, his eyes a little faraway.

“Yes, haha. Can you imagine? If Trick was with me? He would have been so wild at first, of course, ha, but then… yes, he would play with Rosie and Basilio and Benigno and we would eat and I would look after him. He would be here now - ”

Henrik reaches out like he can see him in the doorway.

“Making jokes at me and helping me look through the books, playing with our cat. And we would be okay and he’d be happy and he could take his medicine every morning and tell me when he was scared. And no one would hurt him.”

His out-stretched palm closes. He smiles at nothing, feeling both exhausted and re-invigorated by the thought, smoothing his palms across the pages of his book. The heading at the bottom of the next page is “Magic Theft” but Henrik hasn’t looked yet.

“I want to give him… this,” says Henrik, looking all around him. “I want him to have everything he wants. My Trick.”

bupine asked: do you remember trick's name, henrik? his real name? just out of interest, since you've remembered yours.

“Ahh,” breathes Henrik, turning away. “I… yes, I’m the only one who’s meant to remember it. Me and Anti. It’s mine to guard, you see. That’s what twins do. There has to be a remnant somewhere. You have to see it in your brother’s face that he is protecting that part of you.”

He chuckles to himself.

“I would not have remembered it on my own, I don’t think, but Trick and I break the rules sometimes. We’re not supposed to tell it even to each other, but… we do. Trick and I do, anyway, when we need to hear it, I suppose. Because it still means something. Yes? It still means something. For me - I think I am meant to be more Henrik than I am Dok, but… it isn’t easy. For him - it’s not mine to decide. It’s my secret.”

He touches his heart.

“But yes, I have it, I keep it.”

Anonymous asked: So Marvin... What are the chances of Anti still having that book he used to take your magic on hand? If he still has it, do you think you could find it? Henrik is looking into magic theft on his end but we're missing a lot of information it seems.

Blue looks up at Trick, who has his legs laid across Blue’s stomach, playing on his switch enthusiastically. “Trickster, do you know if Anti still has that book?”

Trick is biting down on his lip, apparently trying to catch a horse in Breath of the Wild 2. “Uhhh, the big black one? I don’t know.”

“I could go sneaking around if you really needed it,” Blue tells you.

spicydanhowell asked: henrik. honey. you're not going back with anti if he comes for you. you wont go. he'd just turn you back into a mindless drone and traumatize you all over again. trust me.... i know its easy to downplay the harm that was done to you... but you are not going back to an abuser. you're going to help rescue your best friend from that monster who hurt you both for so long. you're going to be brave.

He stares at you for along time, his blue eyes calm. He looks away.

“I’ve been thinking about that a great deal these last few days,” he says. “Well, really this whole… what, week and a half?”

He turns back to you, and in that moment even he could not tell you if his name was Dok or Henrik.

“I don’t want to be treated the way Anti treats me anymore. I won’t lie down at his feet anymore. But I - I won’t leave him if any of my brothers are stuck behind with him.”

Henrik closes his eyes. Warmth on his face. Wind through the window. A full belly. He’ll savor it while it’s his.

“I have to be with them,” he says. “Wherever they are. I have to look after them. The cost to myself does not matter.”

His eyes slide open. Storms, now, where the calm water once was.

“But I will never - ”

He holds his hands together, squeezes and opens his eyes, holds his proud chin up higher, higher. Breathes.

“I will never let Anti make me his slave again. I will never let him put the film back over my eyes. He was wrong. He betrayed me. If ever he loved me - if he still does - it doesn’t matter. He isn’t safe. He’s hurt me and I will not let him make me forget it.”

Anonymous asked: Either the next chapter has information on what you need or it's a magical adventure in pickpocketing. Either way, look into it, Henrik

Henrik looks down at the caption and laughs, trying to shake off his weariness.

“Magical pickpocketing, yeah, I need to know about that for Blue, hahaha. Okay, okay, I get it, here’s something about him, right? Maybe I finally found something, I can tell JP and we’ll figure out how to help him.”

Henrik flips the page. “Ugh, these tiny little words. How am I supposed to focus?” He drums his fingers against his leg and tries to zero in, hoping his brain will get lost in it.

To strip magic from another being’s person is a curse requiring an intensely focused power, likely impossible without great magical talent already present and perhaps an outside, conjoined, or bolstered source of magic.

“The equator,” sighs Henrik. “He really planned it for so long, just to hurt Blue.”

Though the idea may sound appealing to ambitious sorcerers, the legends tell us that this kind of theft is a curse not only to the corpse from which it is stolen, but also to the one accepting the power.

“Corpse?” whispers Henrik.

Magic is not “transferable” in any traditional sense of the word. It is not an additional power or lifeforce or substance, not something that is given or received, but something that is woken up within the individual and a part of them from a young age. It is not an organ transplant so much as one attempting to take something intrinsic and intangible - perhaps the thought of trying to steal someone’s intelligence might be a passable comparison.

“Is Anti… okay?”

Magic stolen can only be wielded for a short time before it begins to make demands of its current owner, attempting to manipulate its own environment back to the one in which it belongs. This is apparent in the case of Vladimir the Great, who, after stealing the entirety of his court magician’s power, soon after grew four inches to match the man’s height, and later died of the toll the foreign magic was taking on him. The longest known case of someone surviving with stolen magic is often attributed to the Russian monk Rasputin himself, who lived for two and a half years and survived several assassination attempts on the benefits of someone else’s magic.

“Okay, yeah, yeah, history shit, whatever, meta, okay, I get it,” snaps Henrik, tugging on his hair. “But Anti can handle himself, I don’t care! He made his bed and he can lie in it. This is all the more reason for him to give the magic back before it kills him, if anything can kill a thing like him. I need to know how to help Blue!”

He begins tearing through pages.

“Why - why do they talk about everyone who has their magic stolen like they’re dead on impact?”

Very little is known about such things -

In other parts of the world, it may be more common for the dying to pass on their gifts into talismans or even dead body parts, but this is not theft -

Small charms and spells may allow magicians to siphon off energy from each other, but this is not the same thing as the total stripping of the magic apparent in theft -

Those dead following the theft of their magic have been reported to take on strange appearances before decomposition -

Henrik throws the book aside, burying his face in his hands for a second.

The book flutters open to a picture of a small girl with no irises in her white eyes.

Henrik pauses, opening his eyes to look at her. After a moment, he draws the book back to his lap.

One legend does suggest that surviving a magical theft is possible with aid. One book of legends found in England, but believed to have been taken from Japan in the 1800s, tells the story of an unnamed girl whose “great light was taken.” While other sources have interpreted this as some sort of spiritual symbolism or even virginity, other stories in the book suggest a knowledge of real magic. The girl survives the potential theft of her magic due to being found by her brother within minutes of the event and healed by him. Afterwards, she was seriously ill, and was said to “lose all light from her eyes” and “struggle in the world.”

What this means is unclear, but at least the story has a happy - if gruesome - ending. The girl’s brother captures the man who stole her light and demands he return it. Their enemy, afraid of the brother, who seems to have been a samurai of great power himself, says that this is impossible because the magic was done by a blood pact. The brother orders the man to find a way to return the magic to her, but after “two turns of the moon,” he is still unable to do so. Naturally, the brother settles upon the only other way he can think of to undo the blood curse - he cuts the man’s throat and brings his blood back to his sister. Afterwards, she is said to “settle in body and heart.”

There is no more to the story.

The wind ruffles the pages.

Henrik does not speak.

You can see his mouth slightly open. The air seems to falter as it leaves him.

---------------

Everything’s sort of becoming a blur to him.

He thinks somebody feeds him. Doesn’t he pick the blueberries out of sweet bread? He thinks he tries to paint. Doesn’t someone squish his shoulders when he can’t find his chalks and bring him a pen instead? He thinks he sleeps, maybe, a little while. Doesn’t someone sleep beside him, a warm body at his side, whispering reassurances and then lying still and then waking up screaming and thrashing, accidentally striking him as he writhed and then choking out apologies?

Dapper touches the bruise on his cheek. Yes, he thinks so.

He’s supposed to be in Japan. He’s supposed to be in Norway. He’s supposed to be in England. He’s supposed to be on a bus heading back to Peru, because someone told him that he would like to run away, and he had believed them at the time, though he can’t remember why now. Yes, he believes he’s supposed to be on a bus back to Peru. There are a couple strong voices in his head insisting it over and over again. Others yell and cry at him. Someone is hissing. Something licks his throat and he shivers.

But there is one thing he’s certain of, and that is that danger is coming.

“Buddy, you have to try to stop shaking,” he hears someone say, but it gets lost in the shuffle. Is he shaking? Is this body his? He thinks he can feel himself all a-tremble. All a-whirl. Like a smoothie! The thought makes him laugh. Mix up four ounces of Jameson, Carver, and Dapper, put them in the tiny little bladed room of the container and set it to spin as fast as you can make it go, so nothing stays together, and everyone begins to drown.

Hands are tugging at his face, he thinks. Blearily, he looks down.

A white face with a beard and brown hair and earnest blue eyes, looking up at him with worry. Gloved hands tugging gently at his skin. Stroking through his own beard. Holding him firmly in place, bringing him back down to earth.

“D-A-P-P-E-R,” signs the man, and it cuts through the chaos of all the noise, and Dapper could weep for the relief of it. “You’re here. You’re with me. You’re safe. You have to try and make your eyes stop glowing.”

“I’m sorry,” Dapper manages. “I don’t mean to be like this, I swear I don’t.”

Ro squeezes his shoulders firmly. “I know you don’t,” he signs back. “I’m going to make it all better.”

“Something is coming to kill me…”

“No, I’ll protect you. I - ”

The door knocks and Rojo hears Max’s voice. He gets up to get the door even when Dapper begins to scream signed warnings to him, clutching at his dagger, throwing himself into the corner of the room and shuddering so hard Ro is afraid he will fall apart.

“It’s going to be okay, it’s going to be okay, it’s going to be okay,” he chants desperately, quickly unlatching the door, and honestly? The only thought that goes through his head when he sees Max today is thank God you’re here.

“Hi,” says Max, smiling, his arms laden with groceries.

“Hi,” croaks Ro, pulling him into the room. “We’re having a rough day.”

aether-mae asked: Hey Max, we’ve been trying to reunite Jackie and Jamie with Henrik who’s currently being sheltered by some magicians in Peru. Maybe you could help? The last meeting spot has been compromised but perhaps we could still do back-and-forth communication with them to somehow reunite everyone?

Max steps in the door and sets his bags down, brushing his hand past Ro’s waist as he passes him to get to Dapper. You see Ro jump and shiver, color rising to his face as he turns to watch him slip past him.

“Have you been like this all morning?” asks Max, stepping towards Dapper on the bed.

“He can’t really hear right now,” warns Ro. “Also, you should be careful, his paranoia sometimes makes him - ”

A low hiss fills the air and Max stops short, eyes widening as Dapper’s gaze snaps up to him. His eyes are glittering blue and silver and black, somehow, Max thinks, and Dapper’s whole body has gone taut as a coiled mongoose, fixated on Max, hissing, soft and chilling.

“Jameson,” says Max softly. “It’s me. Er - fuck, my sign is so rusty, I tried to keep learning, but I’m not - ”

“Not. Brother,” signs Dapper furiously, hands slashing, still holding the knife. “Not. My. Brother. Stranger. Bad.”

Max gives a low sigh, only to be distracted by the beeping of the camera. He comes back to read the message in Red’s hands and his face lights up.

“Fucking hell!” he cries, loud enough to make Ro jolt a little, backing away from him. Max whirls on him in his excitement, beaming. “Henrik’s alive! He’s close, he’s in Peru, he’s away from Anti too! Ro, let’s go get him! Let’s go right now!”

Red’s jaw falls open, a breathless, confused laugh falling out of his mouth. He stares at Max, wordless, while Dapper hisses from the corner.

spicydanhowell asked: what's your plan max? if you have one... we could probably help coordinate some shit if you need

“Okay, okay.” Max waves his hands enthusiastically, holding his palms out to steady a nervous-looking Ro. “Don’t look at me like I’m crazy, haha! Don’t you want to see Schneep again?”

“Dok,” mumbles Ro.

“Oh, Dok? Okay, sure, yeah, Dok. You’ve always called him doc, that’s fine. Listen, we have to run away from the fucking cops here anyway, right? I’ll rent us a car and we’ll drive back to Peru and find some place to hide. And then we find a way to get Dok back and he can stay with us. And then - and then - ”

Max’s color darkens in blush as he tries to decide how much to tell him. What he wants is to take his friends home, away from Anti, but he isn’t sure if Ro is ready to hear any of that.

“Well, we’ll figure it out!”

“No, no, no,” laughs Red, moving back to Dapper’s side and sitting besides him on the bed, pulling his little brother to his chest. “We can’t go anywhere while he’s this sick.”

“Come on, Ro. If Anti told you to take him somewhere, would you?”

“Anti knows me,” snaps Red. “And what’s best for me and him.”

Max’s cheeks get hot again, this time for a different reason.

“Oh, yeah, okay,” he snorts, fuming, turning slightly away from him. “Well - just - he’d want you and Dok to be together anyway, right? And hey - isn’t Dok the person Dapper should be with right now anyway, if he’s sick?”

Red’s face shifts nervously. “I - I don’t know. Maybe. Probably yes, but I don’t want to take him anywhere near those magicians! The cameras are convinced they’re okay, but I won’t, I won’t, I know how I felt the day they tried to take me, I…”

He trails off, gripping at his palms, and Max’s expression changes, worry flashing across his face. “Did they really hurt you?”

He steps forward again, but Dapper’s hissing sounds off again, and he sighs and stays back.

“Don’t worry about that,” mumbles Ro.

Max bites his lip. He’d come here mostly hoping to get some more food in them and then sitting down for a long talk about everything, everything, everything he needs to know - a way to finally fill in all the holes in the story - but if he could get to know Henrik was safe too…

“I’ll help you steal him back from them if we need to,” he says, determined, and Ro looks up, a light coming back to his eyes.

“Really?”

“Yeah. We’ll fucking storm the place if we have to. I’m not afraid of magicians.”

Ro laughs, a little incredulous, shaking his head.

“Come on, Ro, I can get us a car and we can be out of here in an hour.”

It’s fucking tempting, even if he’s scared. But it’s too much.

“I don’t even know who you are,” murmurs Ro. “I still don’t know if you’re a trick. I can’t… I can’t ride in a car with you for two days. Not while Dapper’s sick. Not while I’m… I just - I don’t trust you. I’m sorry.”

Max’s face falls. He isn’t sure if he wants to keep arguing or let it go and take his time. He moves back to the chair he was hand-cuffed to yesterday and sits down in it, mouth thin with worry.

spicydanhowell asked: wait, you should Probably know max, but henrik is completely safe and getting much healthier everyday. all five of them are alive. henrik is helping to do some research to save the other two right now

“Oh.” A little relief comes back to Max. “Oh, thank God. So it’s not an emergency, at least. Is it safer for him to be there than with us?”

Ro is staring at you, eyes wide. He isn’t sure if he should feel… betrayed, by the news? Betrayed by the fact that Dok is happy and healthy all on his own, away from Anti?

But at the same time, he can see the Dok who had lived in that warm house in the forest - the only who was full, and strong, and confident, and protected him.

He wraps himself a little tighter around Dapper, holding him close. He doesn’t know what to feel anymore.

“I want Dok to come in here and look at me, Anti, please,” begs Dapper, burrowing into his chest.

“I’m trying to get the medicine he wanted for you, okay?” mumbles Red, too tired to bother to correct him. Max just watches them, and the grief in his face is enough to make Red ashamed all over again. He may not know many signs, but they both know he’ll recognize the cut-throat A for what it is.

Anonymous asked: Max, the magicians are good. They’re trying to find a way to stop Anti and save Marv. As much as I trust your judgment, picking a fight with the magicians is not something that’s going to be beneficial for anyone.

Max frowns, thinking it over. Okay, it’s good to have allies. He hopes you’re right.

He looks back at the brothers on the bed.

But in the end, the side he’s on is Ro’s, and he’ll stay by his side no matter what happens.

“Well, if they’re really good, they should be willing to let Dok come back to us, yeah? If Dok doesn’t want to come, that’s another thing, but for now, we’ll just plan on being peaceful.”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Max, the job ahead of you is going to be a challenging one. Can you think of any ways to earn their trust back?

“Well, um.” Max grapples for something to say. “I brought, uh. Groceries? Does that help? I got vitamins and food, mostly.”

Red stares guiltily at the bags on the dresser and says nothing, worrying on his lip.

“Is there anything else you need?”

Red doesn’t know how to ask for all of it, so he just shakes his head.

“Here’s what I was hoping,” says Max, trying to sit up straight. “I have a lot of questions. I’m sure you have a lot of questions. I was hoping we could try to fill in the gaps for each other. And maybe you would… remember me, a little?”

Ah, fuck. He can’t keep the desperation of it out of his voice.

Fuck, but he wants him to remember him. It’s not fair. For all of that to be gone, for all that they had and built and protected in each other to be gone. They could go. They could go home right now. Why can’t he just remember him?

Ro is staring at him from the bed.

He’s right - he does have questions. So many questions. And he’s never been allowed to ask any of them.

“Wh… where do you want to start?” he croaks, and Max’s face lights up like Candlemas.

spicydanhowell asked: this miiiight be a better discussion to have away from jackie, max... but henrik is really going through a lot recovering from all the abuse and... basically torture he went through... i really think it would be better for you to leave him where he is at least until we can be sure he's ready. he needs this time away as a sort of rehabilitation, yeah? bringing back his brother who could persuade him to go back to anti is like bringing an addict to someone in recovery :(

He’s guessed at the truth of it, but somehow hearing it hits him hard, bullet-to-the-chest-hard, or, worse, punch-from-your-best-friend-after-not-seeing-him-for-like-a-fucking-year-hard. Which is a pretty specific pain, but, unfortunately, one he’s been feeling a whole fuck of a lot lately. He’s up on his feet before he’s registered his own movement, croaking out a “sorry, just a second,” and then he’s outside the room, leaving you behind, and you can hear him choking back sobs in the hallway.

Henrik tortured! Henrik abused! Henrik not sure if Anti will hurt him again or not, just like Jackie and Jameson, and all Max can do is try to convince them of something that seems so obviously and horrifically true.

Ro stares at the floor, crimson from the awkwardness of it. But Dapper stops hissing and sits back against his chest, whistling, so at least somebody’s happy.

“You really don’t like Max, huh?” signs Ro in front of him.

“Nobody’s supposed to come near me,” protests Dapper, frowning. “You know the rules!”

He’s not even sure who he is in Dapper’s mind right now, but he has to agree with him on that. This would all be a lot easier if he only had himself to protect, and didn’t have Dapper to be afraid for. Trusting his own safety to Max might be okay, but Dapper - fuck, he’s spent his whole recalled existence having it drilled into his head that no one touches Dapper, no one comes near Dapper, Dapper is yours to protect. He doesn’t want Max around Dapper, he just needs to find a way to feed them and get them medication and clothes and maybe a place to sleep tomorrow night.

He sets his head down on his little brother’s shoulder and tries to breathe steady.

bupine asked: guys, dok is recovering with the magicians. i'm sorry, but i think it's better for him if he stays there. he's been doing so much better, like he used to be, red. remember what he was like when dapper sent you back, remember how happy everyone was? he can be like that again. so can you. the magicians just want what's best for you. they won't hurt dok. we'd tell you if they did.

“Okay, okay, I get it,” says Red, hurt by it despite himself. He supposes that’s it, then, it’s true - everybody’s better at taking care of his little brothers than he is. He’s a fucking failure. He bites down on his lip hard and buries his face in Dapper’s shoulder, letting out a long, trembling sigh.

“Okay, you better tell me if they do!” he calls, trying to regain the strength in his voice. “I’ll kick their fucking asses if they lay a hand on him.”

He sighs, exhausted, and gives Dapper a little space, getting up to check on what Max has brought them. Fuck! Fruit and vegetables and motherfucking meat jerky. Snacks he hasn’t had as far back as he can remember, even…

He sets the bags down, everything in him feeling still. Starbursts. Four whole packs of them, waiting for him at the bottom of the bag.

Anonymous asked: starbursys, red?

“I had these in the past,” Ro mumbles, shifting on his feet. “Or… Jackie did. I guess he really did know me. And close enough to know that I liked these.”

He pauses, staring at the door.

“I should… I should go talk to him.”

It’s kind of a scary thought and he doesn’t know why. But he’s faced hardened criminals and trigger-happy cops before, so he can deal with this, right?

Maybe.

He steps out into the hall. Max is sitting against the wall, his knees drawn to his chest and his face in his hands.

Ro pauses. Stands over him. Slides to the floor beside him.

They sit for a second in silence, and Max does not look up, not yet. He could pretend it was really Jackie - his Jackie - beside him for another second.

Something nudges his wrist.

He rubs at his eyes and manages to look up, and there is a carefully peeled pack of Starbursts. Not torn, just unfolded.

Max laughs wetly and takes a little yellow one, trying to smile at Ro.

“I don’t remember what they taste like,” admits Ro.

“No? You really have been through hell.”

Ro laughs and Max gets to watch his chest chuckle with it, warm and safe, safe for the moment, despite the anxiety, the uncertainty, the nervousness in the air between them.

“Try a red one first,” says Max. “Your favourite.”

“Very on-brand of me,” says Ro, taking one and unfolding it. Not tearing, just unfolding. Max’s tiger eyes are on him. He puts it in his mouth.

They are much better when he’s not throwing them up.

“Holy hell,” he chokes. “They’re so sweet they actively burn my gums.”

“Yeah.” Max laughs, setting his head back against the wall.

“I think I like that?”

“Yeah!” Max is just nodding at him now, the laughing rising out of him, fountaining out of him. “Yeah, I think you do.”

“Shit, give me another one.”

“Here, okay, open your mouth.”

“What?”

Max is unfolding an orange one for him. Ro snorts but complies, scooting back and opening his mouth, and Max throws the Starburst, but he misses it, and then they’re both swearing aloud in the middle of the hallway, and by the time Ro picks the Starburst up, there is already a hair on it.

“Dare you to eat it anyway,” laughs Max.

“Nasty!” Ro throws it back at him and Max yelps, slapping it out of his face, and it disappears down the hall, making them both cover their mouths and snort at each other like dumbasses.

“Glad I’m able to provide you with a really nutritional breakfast,” says Max.

“Hey, better than what I’m used to,” says Red, trying to laugh at that too, but Max doesn’t laugh. Blue would laugh because when you’re in it together you have to laugh or you drown in it, but Max is watching him from the outside, and you don’t laugh at the fish in aquariums when they’re racing around the water trying to snatch their fish flakes before they hit the floor.

“I want…” says Max, his face filling up with something Ro recognizes, but that neither of them know how to put into words, and he doesn’t end up finishing the thought. “I want…”

“Me too,” says Ro, soft.

Their feet are close. Max has nice brown dress shoes. Red has sneakers with holes torn through them. They don’t really need to say much else about the silence between them. Comfort doesn’t need a lot of noises. It’s always been this way.

Max remembers standing in that greenhouse and seeing him again.

“It is you,” he’d whispered. “It is you. It is.”

“Come back in and let me get some real breakfast?”

Max nods, biting down on his lip. “Yeah. And we can talk?”

Ro’s face has known sympathy and anger, loneliness and companionship, hunger and Starbursts.

“Yeah,” says Jackie, real soft. “And we can talk.”

Anonymous asked: Hey JJ! Sorry today's being rough on you. Is there anything we can do to help you? If you can sign and it'll help, we're here to listen and respond.

“Can they hear me?” asks Dapper, pointing at the camera.

“Yes, Dap, you like talking to them.” Ro is getting him breakfast, peeling a clementine and tearing open the beef jerky. Max sits in the corner, trying to be unobtrusive.

“Can Anti hear me in there?”

“I… I’m not sure. I don’t think so.”

“Hi,” says Dapper, waving at you. “Have you seen my bird? She won’t come back to my window anymore. I’m scared Anti killed her. He takes everything from me.”

“Fuck, Dap,” says Ro, blinking at him.

“But that’s just cause he loves me a lot,” continues Dapper, and accepts an orange slice from his brother.

Ro feels a little sick, glancing over at Max, who’s doing his damnedest to follow Dapper’s rapid signing. “You’re not very clear today, buddy.”

“I want my chalks,” says Dapper, his hands beginning to whine a little. “Please, Red! I’m so bored, everyone’s talking to me, I’m afraid! I can’t keep anything straight today.”

“Relatable,” mumbles Red, digging through the bags again, but he’d forgotten to ask Max for art supplies.

“I need to find where I am,” Dapper signs, tugging on his hair.

“We’re in - ”

Ro bites his tongue and glances at you.

And then, in a low voice, he admits: “We’re in Colombia, bud.”

“No, no - I mean in the timeline, and which timeline, and who I am in it. I can’t remember the beginning of the story… or the middle… or most any of it.”

Ro’s beginning to feel nervous. Dapper’s eyes are very silver now. Almost dripping with it.

Anonymous asked: Ro, maybe you could convince Dap to give Max a chance? Things might be a little easier if they’re both on neutral ground.

“Right, right,” mumbles Ro, biting his nails for a second before coming to sit at the end of the bed, between Max and Dapper. “Listen, bud, I think Max can help you find your place in the timeline, yeah? Wouldn’t that be good?”

“Does he know where my old master went?” asks Dapper.

Something shocks its way through Red’s system.

Whoa, whoa, whoa - okay, there are a lot of things they could talk about, but that?

That is fucking off-limits. Anti would murder him if he knew he let Dapper ask about the old master.

And yet, Red can’t seem to get his mouth to move.

“Sorry, say again, Dap?” asks Max, leaning in, and when Dapper only stares at him, he tries to sign it.

“Repeat - D-A-P?”

“Where,” says Dapper. “Is. First. Master?”

“Spell?”

“M-A-S-T-E-R.”

Max glances between you and a pale-faced Ro, confused.

“He’s asking for Anti?”

Ro shakes his head, throat tight.

bupine asked: are you talking about jack? he was never your master, dap. just your friend. he never hurt you like anti did. he was a good man.

“Oh, fuck’s sake,” mumbles Max, putting his chin in his hands and turning to glare out the window.

“Oh, yes,” signs Dapper, and a sudden relief washes over him, and he stops shaking just enough to take the bag of beef jerky from his brother and begin to eat it with a little enthusiasm. “Yeah, my friend, my friend! Anti takes everything from me. He was… the starting point. I have to find where I am in the timeline. I think I broke something. I think I broke a lot of things.”

“Who’s Jack?” asks Ro, turning to Max, but Max is just chewing on his lip, his eyes cold. “Max? Who’s Jack? Someone other than me, yeah?”

“Yeah,” says Max clearly, letting it bark out of him. “Yeah, someone different, yeah. Uh… how the hell do I explain Jack?”

Anonymous asked: Is he asking for...Jack?

“Come on, Max,” groans Ro. “Now I want to know too!”

“Look, he’s a dick, okay? He - ” Max hits the table and brings his hand up again, sighing. “He’s a dick, why do you want to know about him?”

bupine asked: yeah, tell us about jack please, max. even we don't know as much about him as we should. do you know what happened to him? even anti doesn't know, so be careful what you say.

“Look, okay. Alright, whatever. I got back from being undercover and you’d been gone for weeks, right? All of you. And he was just - fuck, Jackie, he didn’t - sorry, Ro, I mean. He didn’t care. Okay? He acted like you were jokes, like I was crazy. And he had no idea who I was, so apparently he was never all that invested in your lives anyway! He almost called the cops on me for coming to his place, at which point I’m like - ‘okay, bastard, I am the cops!’ And then he got scared, so… I left him alone.”

Dapper stares at Max, confused. Max rubs his face and shrugs.

“He didn’t care. So I guess he wasn’t really your friend. I’m sorry, Ro, I know you were really, really fond of him, and Dap, too.”

Anonymous asked: Oh wait now I’m confused too, what’s wrong with Jack?

“I’m sorry, I just - I try to give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he was in shock, maybe he didn’t realize you were gone, maybe he was just in hiding, too, and wanted to move on with his life. Really, who could blame him? But, uh. Yeah. Yeah. No, here, I’ll show him to you.”

And Max gets out his phone, and Max goes to Youtube, and -

Well, he hasn’t recorded in a while. The years have gone by and treated him well and his life has grown and changed. But that’s his face, and there he is, and he’s smiling, and unharmed, and doing what he’s always done.

Jameson gets out of his bed and goes to the bathroom and locks himself in. You hear him slide to the floor.

Anti takes everything from him. Anti takes everything.

“Max,” says Ro. “Max.”

“Yeah?”

Ro has a look on his face you’ve never seen before. Probably the closest thing to this expression would be - hm. Despair?

Max sinks slightly in on himself. “Ro… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“So you’re telling me… that this is the old master Anti’s always talking about?”

“I… I guess.”

“This is the old master Anti’s always wanted attention from.”

“Wait, Jack is?”

“This - this is the man who made Anti furious, angry, violent, vengeful… this is the man Anti hates more than anyone else… this is the person Anti wants to see suffer more than anybody else in the world?”

Max stares at him.

“Anti has done everything he’s ever done to us to get revenge on this person. And this person… has no fucking idea who Anti is.”

The air conditioner kicks on again.

Someone walks by in the hallway.

Max does not move.

Red laughs so loudly they hear Dapper jump in the bathroom. “THAT,” he says, grabbing his hair and pulling at it, his eyes turning red from the grief of it, the unfairness of it slamming into him like a truck, the ridiculousness of it, the impossibility! “THAT is the funniest thing I’ve ever goddamn heard! There was no fucking point to any of the things me and my brothers have suffered! There was never any fucking point! That’s so funny! That’s so funny! Holy shit, that’s so funny!”

bupine asked: that can't be right. he cared about them, i'm sure. although maybe it's different here. i'm sorry, guys. that really sucks. are you sure it was him, max?

“Ro,” pleads Max, moving towards him.

“And Anti doesn’t even know! Anti doesn’t even know! This is so funny! This is so funny!”

“Ro, you gotta calm down for me.”

“Do you think it will actually kill him, when he finds out? Do you think it would? Cause you know, he doesn’t talk to the others about him, not really, but me - me, I’ve heard the rants, Max, cause it’s my job to look after Anti too, you know? It’s my job, that’s my job. And I’ve heard him yelling and I’ve heard him mourning it! It’s why we live in so much paranoia, hahaha. Isn’t that fun when your little brother is a paranoid schizophrenic, doesn’t that make things so much better, when Anti can’t ever give it a break, insisting that somebody’s following us?”

“Ro, you’re going to scare Dap.”

“Holy shit! All the times he’s sworn to kill him! It wouldn’t even make him happy! It wouldn’t even be his revenge! He hates him so much and it means nothing to this person, it means nothing! None of this - ever meant - anything!”

“Jackie!”

Ro looks up and follows Max’s eyes.

Dapper is standing in front of the bathroom door. His eyes are pure silver. His nose is bleeding. He’s holding his clock.

“Motherfuck,” moans Ro. “Dap, no. Sit down, buddy, sit down. We gotta calm down.”

“I want,” he says, in slow, anguished signs. “To see him again.”

Anonymous asked: oh, my Gosh, that's amazing and terrible. holy shit. max, does that same channel have a video called say goodbye on it? are there power hours with everyone's names on them? holy this, that's crazy, oh my fuck

“Hell, I don’t know,” mumbles Max, trying to give Ro space to calm Dap down, even though his leg is bouncing at a hundred miles a minute, wanting to help somehow. Jameson was his friend too. “Say goodbye?”

He types it into the search bar.

I DON’T WANT TO SAY GOODBYE l The Last Guardian - Part 8 (END)

Bloopers and Outtakes #1

GOODBYE TOMATO-MAN l Fortnite (July the 4th-Nite)

“One of these?” asks Max, trying to show you.

bupine asked: wait, but jack DOES know anti. anti's mentioned having conversations with him before. it seems like they were on good terms once. i can't even imagine what could have happened to make anti like THIS, though.

“He has, he has,” gushes Ro, trying to get Dapper to sit down. “I’ve heard him talk about things he and the creator had talked about, done together, been through! I know that he must have known him.”

“Well, then he was just acting, like I thought,” scowls Max. “Or…”

He stares at Ro and Dapper, his fingers drumming against his thigh.

“Or he forgot too?”

“Doesn’t make sense.” Ro shakes his head. “The last thing Anti would want would be being forgotten by him.”

“It’s my fault.” Dapper clings to his shirt for a second, tears shining in his eyes. “It’s my fault. I’m sorry, Jackie.”

“What’s your fault? Nothing’s your fault. Sh, sh, everything’s okay. Dap, we can’t go racing through time again, you’ll make yourself more sick and we could mess with - I don’t know. Time? Right? Sit down, sh, sh. It’s okay.”

whydoilovesomanyvillians asked: No anti wouldn't do that but maybe someone else erased his memories

“Who else could have done that?” mumbles Max, watching Dapper collapse against Ro’s chest, signing apologies over and over again. “Marvin?”

Anonymous asked: shti. nah, max, i was thinking of a different video, it's gone. maybe happy halloween! is close enough, but it might be different now too. i don't know. you should watch it later, see what it's about. maybe jack will mention anti in it, and what he thinks anti is right now? and just to be safe, maybe you can check for jameson jackson's jolly jaunts, or just jamie's name throughout the channel? or chase's, i think his name was a title too

“Okay,” mumbles Max. “Yeah, maybe he collabed with them or something?”

He looks up Chase Brody.

The Jacksepticeye Power Hour - MERRY CHRISTMAS 2017

It Was Closed!

JIMMY AVERAGE TOES l Finding Bigfoot w/ Ethan!

He looks up Jameson Jackson.

THE MAD SCIENTIST l Overwatch Junkenstein’s Revenge w/Ethan

I’m Back!!

NAMING MY HAT! l Reading Your Comments #32

Max sighs and looks up at you.

Anonymous asked: That's just straight up sad, just.... wow. All that suffering for nothing

“Did it really make it feel better to know that it was for somebody else’s revenge plan?” asks Max wearily. “Is it worse to know it was for nothing instead of for Anti’s fucking you-hurt-me-so-I-hurt-others shit?”

“I could always blame him, when something was going wrong,” chokes Ro, wrapping himself around Dapper’s shoulders. “I would always tell myself it was the old master’s fault - for pissing off Anti, for hurting him, for making us all this way.”

“What? Making you all?”

“But now it’s like - just knowing that, really and truly, none of us are happy? And it’s not because anyone is hunting us, or trying to hurt us, or even willing us hatred from the other side of the globe? It’s just that Anti is angry and he can’t even form a revenge plan right. Ha! So funny… so fucking funny, hell…”

Max gets to his feet. Can’t help it. Can’t stay away from him any longer. He wants to touch Ro more than anything, but he doesn’t want to scare Dapper. He’s helpless, just like he was when he came home and found their house empty, and all their friends gone. Always too little too late.

pixie-in-trebleland asked: What about the Sister Location videos? They're good starting points! Or... pumpkin carving? Bro Average??

“I don’t see anything called Bro Average, but there is a pumpkin carving and… yeah, Sister Location? Five Night’s at Freddy’s? Yeah, that’s here.”

Anonymous asked: He acted like they were jokes, Max? Like, the fact that they were missing was ridiculous, or like the fact you were treating them like real people with real lives was ridiculous?

“Well, he got really confused at first,” says Max, frowning. “And he would repeat their names when I would say them, and he was looking at me so strange. And he even got on his fucking phone, I don’t know, like he was looking something up. He was, like, upset from the moment I mentioned them, but irritated too. Shaking his head, refusing to listen to me. I was upset, I got really pissed off, you know, and then he got scared, called the cops, kicked me out… yeah. I might have made a mess of it. But he was just acting like - I don’t know, like he didn’t know who they were! But I could see it in their eyes that he recognized it right away! I just about hit him. He kept going, ‘Chase? Chase?’ or when I said Henrik’s full name he went ‘how did you know that name?’ and I was like… dude. But I guess if he forgot, he forgot me too, so he didn’t have a lot of patience for me. I think I really upset him, actually. Pacing around, shaking his head. ‘Chase? Marvin? Jameson?’ I guess it’s good I didn’t hit him if it wasn’t his fault.”

Anonymous asked: ssssshhhhhhhhIIIIIIT. yeah, i don't think jack's channel is gonna do much good for you, max. the person jack is at the moment, he's probably not anybody who can help us. for now, just focus on the brothers. if you can get closer to jackie and jamie without stressing him out, do so. you probably know jackie better than we do, so just. play it by ear. you can be there for them. maybe toss them starbursts!

“Okay, okay,” says Max, breathless, and then you get a little laugh out of him at the end. “Okay, yeah. I’m right here if you need anything, okay?”

Ro looks over at him and Max sees gratitude. His chest gets hot.

“You’re not freaked out by this?” asks Ro.

“I was the first time I learned your family was magic,” laughs Max weakly. “But now it just feels like another part of my life.”

Anonymous asked: Did Jack even had anything to do with them at this point? They're all real, physical people... it feels like we're missing something.

“Anti always called him our - ”

Ro pauses, looking at Max, embarrassed, and signing the word “creator.”

“But I don’t know, maybe we are missing something. I never understood how someone could create me anyway.”

Anonymous asked: In this timeline, I think Anti did kill your bird, JJ, I'm sorry. But it's been a while since you were in the attic. I think you've all moved houses once or twice since then, and then you and Jackie got separated from the others, so right now you're in a hotel with each other. And Jackie knew Max before he was Red. Max could maybe help you find who you're talking about, but I don't know. Max might know him as Jack? Talking about him will probably stress out your brother, though.

“Everything keeps moving,” complains Dapper, pausing to clutch his head. “Everything is always moving, and no one is ever who they’re supposed to be, and some of it is real, but not all of it is right.”

“Dap, you’re being so cryptic right now,” groans Ro, rubbing his back. “Please, try to stay calm.”

“I’m working on getting his prescription,” offers Max lamely. “Maybe soon I’ll have medicine?”

Anonymous asked: Dap? Your fault? What do you mean, what could you have done?

“Did you do this, Dap?” asks Ro, gripping his chin gently, firmly. “I won’t be mad, okay?”

“I think I broke things!” cry Dapper’s hands. “I think I broke everything!”

“Buddy, please, you know I don’t understand.”

“I’m trying to explain, Jackie, I’m trying…”

“I know, buddy. I know. Big brother’s got you.”

bupine asked: dapper. why are you apologizing? you didn't do anything to jack's memories, did you? if you did, just tell us, please

“Just got to tell me, little brother. Just got to tell me. It’s going to be okay. I’m right here.”

“There’s a timeline, Jackie - and then you break it - and then there’s two timelines - and you can go back, you can go back and break it earlier and earlier and earlier, and then there’s dozens of timelines, but there can only be one timeline, do you see?”

“No, Dap, I’m sorry, I don’t see. Can you just start from the beginning?”

“No!” his fingers scream. “I keep telling you, I don’t have all the pieces! I can’t find where I am in the timeline - I don’t know what I did to Jack and Anti! I snapped!”

Ro looks up at the shine in his eyes. Dapper looks back, gripping his shoulders.

“Can… can you show me?” he croaks.

Dapper stares at him, eyes widening.

“Can you help me find the pieces?”

“Jackie,” croaks Max. “What’s happening?”

Dapper nods.

Anonymous asked: Dap, I feel you. And you should go back to learn more when you can. Can you please wait just a moment, though? Consider a little? Are you feeling well enough to travel through timelines right now? Do you know you wouldn't get lost? Do you know what to do when you arrive at your destination, if you do get there? Red is planning to get better meds for you soon, and things will be easier. And it's time travel anyway, you can go whenever you want. Do you think you can wait?

“Are you?” asks Ro, gripping his shoulders. “Are you well enough?”

“I… don’t know. If I have a grip, I can send you there. But sometimes I lose track. I need details. I could send you to days if I remembered them, or to random days far enough back, if I know the year, the month…”

“Do you remember the day you snapped?”

“Not… well. That day was so shattered. So many times I relived it. I don’t know what happened in the end. I could send you to the wrong timeline. And then you would be merged into it, and I might never see you again.”

Ro leans back slightly, chilled. “So, to go to that day - if we wanted to - somebody would have to remind you of what really happened.”

Max is just pacing around behind them at this point. Dapper nods again.

Anonymous asked: Dap, Red, are you guys trying to keep secrets from Max? I don't think he's following, if you do want him to be clued in. He might be able to offer an additional perspective. But if you are keeping secrets, then, yeah, his BSL's rusty, looks like.

Ro and Dapper look right at each other. Dapper is, for a moment, confused, but then he realizes -

Red is waiting for his opinion.

“I don’t know what’s happening,” whisper Dapper’s hands. “Don’t know who he is.”

“Okay. Then he doesn’t have to know.”

“Do you trust him?” asks Dapper.

Ro breathes out. Low and slow. Max is splashing water on his face in the bathroom.

It’s Ro’s turn to nod.

“Then I don’t care what he knows,” says Dapper. “As long as I’m in my right mind, I can trust him for that. But don’t let him touch me, Ro, I don’t think I’ll be able to stop myself from hurting him.”

“Okay.” Ro bites down on his nail. “Max?”

“Yeah? Yeah, can I do something, can I - ”

“Dapper thinks he can send me back in time a while, to see what’s going on.”

Max blanches a little. But looking between them, he can see the resolution they share, and, oh, it’s beautifully familiar. They always were a pair of wild cards. He remembers late nights with the three of them, sometimes Marvin too. Jamie and Marv were always Jackie’s back-up, and they’d been suspicious of Max at first - well, honestly Jamie never stopped teasing him from time to time - but then they began to know each other, and it was easy to work like a team. They tracked down perps, solved mysteries, kicked ass. And it was always the best kind of terrified adrenaline rush to look up at Jackie and Jamie in the middle of a desperate situation and see them both get the same wild, reckless, stupid idea in their eyes.

They always managed to pull it off, somehow, but this is another level.

Anonymous asked: Okay, okay, wait let’s think about this. So dapper did something to the time line, right? Which possibly made Jack forget everything...but he also said he did something to Anti.. what did he do to Anti?

Dapper bites down hard on his lip, trying to find how to explain this.

“There was a place at which I shattered the timeline,” he says. “Yes? There has to be.

“When I sent Red back to Jackie - on accident, I’m sorry - he didn’t just move back in time, his space changed too. He went from Columbia to England. I can only travel along the timeline, and the timeline is both physical and temporal. There was a physical place at which it must have broken. I don’t remember where or why. But I know that Anti and Jack both shattered together. They were together when I snapped.

“In other words…”

Dapper pauses, nodding to himself, pursing his lips and squeezing his eyes shut. He can hear a thousand voices screaming at him, and for all he knows, this is another delusion, but the truth of it is ringing in him, is waking up, is reminding him, and he can see blue eyes, and his smile.

“In other words, it was, before I broke it, a timeline in which Jack had found us.”

He pauses again, his mouth faltering slightly open.

“Or… a timeline in which Anti had found Jack.”

Ro’s eyes widen.

“And he was your friend…”

“Yes.”

“You - you were trying to protect him. You were trying to protect him from Anti.”

They cling to each other’s arms. Meet each other’s eyes.

“No, I… I would never have broken the timeline like that, not even to save a friend. It’s more dangerous than even I can comprehend. People can get lost in the wrong timelines or I can undo important things. It’s why I don’t use these powers even to reverse what we’ve been through so far back. That, and most days I forget I have power like this.”

“Dapper,” says Ro. “You were having a psychotic episode. You were out of control. Like the other day when you accidentally sent me back. You couldn’t control it. You weren’t in your right mind. You could have done something without thinking, just to protect him. Something you didn’t want or mean to do. As long as Anti didn’t hurt him.”

“And I… I broke everything.” JJ’s face contorts with guilt. “Because I couldn’t control myself. Because I can never keep track of where or when or who I am.”

Anonymous asked: James are you sure this is a good idea?

“No.”

Jameson closes his eyes. The clarity is back, now, but how long will it last? How long does it ever?

“I’m psychotic, like I was when I snapped. If we want to do this, we need to wait until I’m medicated again. Even then, my confusion might be too much.”

Ro squeezes his hand.

And he respects his decision.

“Never mind,” he says, turning to Max. “He doesn’t think it’s safe.”

Jameson could melt. He reaches out to touch his brother’s hair and Jackie turns back to smile at him, warm and loving, and he is not so much a ghost as Jameson had thought he was. Maybe not dead. Maybe just sleeping.

Jackie hugs his little brother to his chest, and, for a long time, they hold onto each other, and the light - the silver light, the wild light, the light that always seems to control him instead of being controlled - Jameson feels it fade away into his brother’s arms.

Anonymous asked: Yeah I think we all need to take a break for a second...Max, you okay?

Max collapses onto the bed beside them, running his fingers through his hair.

“Uh…”

He stares between the two of them for a moment, and they stare back. He can see that Jamie still doesn’t like him, and it stings, but he doesn’t shy away or hiss now. Just hides in Jackie’s chest.

“It’s okay,” whispers Ro, looking up at Max. “He’s okay. He won’t hurt you.”

Max nods, feeling numb even as a smile grows on his mouth.

“Yeah,” he beams. “Yeah. I’m okay. I’m okay as long as you’re okay.”

Ro smiles shyly, burrowing down a little in Dapper’s hair. “I’m okay. We’re okay.”

“Okay,” nods Max. “Okay.”

“Good at burying the bullshit, you see.”

Max laughs. “That sounds like a great coping mechanism. Just deal with it later.”

“Absolutely. Or not ever, preferably.”

“Perfect.”

“I know.”

“Honestly, you were not much better about that even before all this happened, so…”

“Hey! I was probably a paragon of processing before all this happened, asshole.”

“Ohhh, sure, I’m sure, I’m sure.”

“No, I definitely wasn’t.”

“You definitely weren’t.”

They’re laughing together, just a little, just quiet, just shy. Dapper shoots you a confused look. Eventually, amid quiet chattering, quiet teasing, Ro gets up to get the grocery bags, and they feast on clementines and baby carrots and peanut butter and maybe a couple Starbursts while Dapper goes through most of the beef jerky and the rest of the bread. It’s a weird breakfast on a shitty motel bed, and everything is strange and a little nervous and a little awkward, and Ro thinks it’s perfect, Ro thinks he’s happy, Ro thinks he could live like this for a long time if he had to, with Dapper against his chest and Max’s eyes fixed on him, exchanging laughter across an impromptu table.

Dapper falls asleep across Ro’s lap and Ro strokes his hair. He’s finally gotten a full meal in him. Step one made possible by Max. Grateful, he looks up and finds his eyes already on him all over again.

“I should leave you to rest,” says Max. “If you’re safe here.”

“That’s probably a good idea. He’s not used to having other people in his room.”

“Tomorrow,” says Max. “Can I take you shopping and to get some lunch? And maybe buy you absolutely everything you want, if you would let me?”

Ro laughs, feeling his cheeks heat up.

“Um, yeah,” he says, something burning in the back of his eyes. Clean clothes. Food and first aid supplies. Shoes, art supplies, shampoo. He’ll be able to take care of Dapper. And there will even be enough left over for him.

“Yeah. I think that would be really nice.”

Max seems to glow from the inside out. He gets up and puts his shoes and coat on, pausing just for a second to look back over the two of them, safe and alive and together. Just like he always hoped.

“Well then,” he says, giving Ro one more smile as he slips out the door. “It’s a date.”

End Section Seven of Chapter Three: the Two Masters

#chapter three #writers of jack

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