#I'm sorry I am just frustrated by the constant need to give reasons why it's not good | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

buckys-black-dress · 2 years

Text

hate to love you

a/n: hi guys. i am so tired. i wrote this because i've been craving etl? idk. i'm sorry i haven't been keeping up as much, i've been exhausted. i'm so sorry. i don't want to give up on writing, but it's been difficult to find the time these days. thank you for staying with me this far, i promise i'll try for you guys. anyways, enjoy this word vomit! xoxo, ali.

wc: 8k

[ bucky barnes x fem!avenger!reader ]

[ enemies to lovers ]

You didn't think this is where you would end up when you found out you were asked to join the Avengers.

You didn't think you'd end up here, fighting with the one man who you thought you'd get along with the best out of the whole team.

"Why the fuck would you eat it, Y/L/N?" His hoarse voice bellows from his spot across the kitchen island. "Huh?"

"Well, maybe, if someone labelled their food, we wouldn't have this issue, Barnes!" You yell back. When had you been known to go down without a fight?

"I didn't think we were in kindergarten and had to label our lunches, for fucks sake!"

"How was anyone supposed to know it was yours?" You reason, waiting for his answer.

"I- I brought it back from the restaurant with me! Why would you eat something that doesn't even belong to you?" He bellows, and a shiver runs through your body. Fear or arousal, you couldn't tell.

"Okay, whatever, I can order some more if you want. What's the big deal anyways?" You ask, like the snob you are. You know what cards to play to get on his last nerve.

"You- ugh! You are so... so fuckin' annoying! Have I ever told you that, Y/L/N?" You can hear the sheer frustration in his voice, and you almost feel bad for him.

Almost.

"Look, Barnes, I'm sorry. I'll get some more, right now. Just shut the fuck up about it." You roll your eyes and pull out your phone, placing an order from the restaurant you knew his food was from. "Happy?"

He just glares at you and flees the room, making you drop your phone on the counter in annoyance.

As soon as you see movement from the corner of your eye, your head shoots up.

"I see it's not going much better between you two?" Wanda's voice floated through the air.

"He just needs to stop being so sensitive. If he told us not to eat it, I wouldn't have!"

She gives you a pointed look.

"Okay, maybe I still would've. But that's not the point! My point is that he should've said something beforehand. I was hungry and everyone knows how much I like the pasta from La Pecora. What's a girl to do?" You try and defend yourself to your friend.

She returns your question with an eye roll, but cracks a smile.

"Seriously, it's been a year. When are you guys gonna stop fighting like cats?"

"Wan, I don't try to piss him off. It seems like everything I've done since I met him ticks him off. I might as well have fun with it, right?" You try to joke, but you feel a deep pit in your stomach.

Ever since you were asked to join the Avengers after years of having escaped the Red Room, you were hesitant, to say the least.

It took hours of therapy and constant self-assurance that you were worth it. Enough to be an Avenger, for fucks sake.

So when you received a phone call from an untraceable number, you knew who was contacting you. Natasha was never one to contact someone unless she really needed them, if the situation was dire.

So when you heard her voice on the other end of the line, you knew you had no choice but to say yes to your former sister. If it weren't for Natasha, who knows which pits of Dreykov's hell you would be in today.

"I think you're both idiots. He clearly likes you but doesn't know how to articulate it. Maybe you make him nervous?" Wanda replies with a knowing smile, but not wide enough for you to catch it.

What's she supposed to do when she can involuntarily read others minds?

She's seen... a lot in James' mind, most of which she wishes she hadn't seen. But she knows what he thinks of you. She's not at liberty to discuss, but it's not anything you would expect.

"Wanda, what part of anything he does around makes you think he likes me?" You ask incredulously.

She reaches your side of the counter and holds a hand in yours.

"Trust me, Y/N. I know." Is all she utters before seemingly disappearing from the kitchen.

The food arrives and you don't know how you should go about this. Should you go to his room and give it to him there? Leave it and run? You didn't want to face him again and risk another fight, so you do what any normal person would do in this situation.

"FRIDAY, could you let Sargeant Barnes know that his food is here?" You ask into the empty hallway you were in.

"Sure thing, Ms. Y/L/N. Would you like me to ask him to join you to eat?" The AI voice asks, her tone level and innocent, as if she didn't just ask the dumbest question you've ever heard.

"No thanks, FRIDAY. I highly doubt he'd like to sit and eat with me." You snort a laugh at the thought. You and James Barnes, sitting on the couch in living room while eating your favorite dish, like good old pals.

"Why do you say that, Miss?" She asks back, and now you're starting to get suspicious. Is this another one of Tony's pranks?

"We don't get along too well, Fri. Thanks for your help."

You feel like you and James' mutual dislike for each other has been the hot topic of the day. Why does everyone care all of a sudden?

"Hey, you have the food?" James' voice makes her turn her head to his spot in the doorframe.

"Yeah, here. Again, sorry about earlier." Your tone is dry and all you want to do is get into bed and read or watch TV until you fall asleep.

"Whatever, Y/L/N."

That gruff voice was the last thing that made you roll your eyes before you flip him off over your shoulder, walking out of the room.

It's a week later. You've been training for your mission coming up, and you've been working yourself hard.

Or that's what Wanda and Natasha say.

But regardless, you don't need to let anyone down on this mission. You can't afford it.

Especially not your partners on this mission, James and Steve.

The mission debriefing had you giving puppy eyes to Sam and Natasha, begging one of them to come with you three. But of course, Tony didn't budge.

Regardless, he should sleep with one eye open.

You're glad that it's not just James with you, though. Steve will serve as a buffer between the two of you, and hopefully will prevent you two from killing each other.

Hopefully, being the keyword.

The treadmill hums under your feet as you're cooling down from a seven mile run, and you see the glass doors of the gym slide open out of your peripheral vision.

James saunters into the otherwise empty gym, and once his eyes land on you, you can feel just how angry he is that you're in here.

It makes you think back to when you two first met.

What was the thing that made you two decide you hated the other?

Your brain digs and digs, but nothing comes up. All you can recall is how he was so cold and not interested in meeting you.

But then your mind plays the scene in the next few hours after you'd first arrived at the Avengers Tower.

You remember still not feeling like you were comfortable enough to roam the building by yourself. It was a huge place, and you never know what-- or who, is lurking in the dark corners that are unoccupied.

But, you knew that you couldn't be afraid forever. You'd spent the past few years running-- running from the life you used to live. The life you left behind and were trying to escape, to separate yourself from.

You desperately want to find somewhere to fit in. When Natasha first found you and suggested you work with her and the Avengers, for fucks sake, you immediately said no. You still wanted to be on your own, find who you were. Without the Widows, without Dreykov, without the Red Room.

But Natasha got to you first.

Fortunately or unfortunately, you're still not sure.

You remember being a timid little thing upon your arrival in New York City. It was a big place, with a lot of people. A lot of bad people.

Watching your back 24/7 was second nature. You were plagued with paranoia and anxiety, constantly thinking someone was after you.

It took several breakdowns and panic attacks and talking with Natasha (who later forced you to see a therapist) to realize that you were safe. That even though it might take a lifetime to unlearn your behaviors, it was possible to live a life without fear. Without having painful reminders every day that you were trapped.

You were free, and over time, you finally understood it.

But when you got to the Tower and slowly became accustomed to the new scenery, you also became accustomed to James. And his behaviors.

His odd, odd, behaviors.

At first, you thought he would be different. That since you two had been through similar experiences, you thought you would get along. Especially seeing as he got along well with Natasha.

But boy, were you wrong. Dead wrong.

"Whatcha doin', Y/L/N? Finally tryna catch up to the big dogs?" His voice taunts from behind you as the treadmill comes to a slow stop, signaling the end of your workout.

"Just doing what I'm supposed to, Barnes. Don't ever wanna disappoint." You huff out, wiping the sweat off your face with your towel.

He doesn't respond, watching you stretch out and get ready to leave.

"You need something? Or just watching?" You taunt, wondering why he was staring at you.

"'M all good. Not lookin' at anythin' special." He murmurs, finishing his own stretching and moving to the weight rack.

As if he even needed to work out.

"Whatever, Barnes. I hope you drop that weight on your foot." You scoff and make your way out of the gym.

You didn't want to let his words get to you. You'd been told much, much worse by the devil himself, so why were you so bothered by them. They were just words, after all.

The next time you encounter James, or some form of him, is after the girls' night you had with Natasha and Wanda. You had ordered food, put on a movie and a face mask, and polished off some of Tony's very delicious wines he had in his cellar.

Someone had to put them to use...

But when you had been sated, and all three of you felt the heaviness and drowsiness of the wine kick in, you had decided it was time for bed.

As far as you knew, the rest of the Tower was empty. The guys had gone out for drinks, Tony was with Pepper, and Peter had gone out for a date with MJ. No one to worry about.

But James Barnes was never simple. He was never easy.

And he never made anything easy for himself, much less you.

So when you feel your phone buzzing on your nightstand and almost 3 in the morning, you're not happy.

Wondering who on Earth needed you at this time, you blindly swipe to accept the call and hold it up to your ear.

"Hello?" Your voice was clearly clouded by sleep, still quiet and confused.

"Y/N! See, I knew you'd pick up!" You pull the phone further back from your ear at the loud voice and cheers that followed after.

The number was unknown, so you were wondering who it was.

"Y/N? You still there?" The voice asks, and you find it in you to reply.

"Yes? Who is it?" You're genuinely confused now, wondering if this was a prank.

"I-It's me! C'mon, you know the sound of my voice." The deep slurring echoes in your mind.

A second passes.

Then another.

A few more.

"James? Why are you calling me in the middle of the night?" Your voice drops even lower in disappointment. "How did you even get my number?"

"See, I knew you'd get it! Y'know, Stevie has your number and I don't. I didn't think that was fair." His words are slurred together, and you wonder what the fuck is going on right now.

"James, do you need something? Do you need help?" You ask, cautious to not give into his drunken babbling.

"Y/N... you're so beautiful. The prettiest girl I've ever seen, I swear. I tell Steve and Sam, but they think I'm jokin'. You- you're perfect, and I messed it all up from the start. I'm so-" he hiccups, launching you back into reality, "'m so stupid."

Before you can move a muscle or say anything, you hear someone talking further away from the phone on his end.

"Buck, what are you doing? Come back in, it's freezin' out here. Who're you talkin' to?"

You recognize the voice as Steve's, and you feel your heart freeze.

Did he hear anything that just came out of his best friend's mouth? Will he say anything about it later? This is gonna be so awkward.

"I'm talking to Y/N! Wanna say hi? I actually don't know if she's still on... you still there?" James' voice reminds you of a child's, filled with no malice or anger towards you for the first time.

"Y/N? I'm sorry for him botherin' you, if I'd known I would've taken this thing beforehand. Did he... say anything?" Steve's voice rings through and you feel the breath expelling from your lungs in one rush.

You know Steve hears the things James tells you. And the fact that he's thinking of those words right now versus what he actually told you scares the living hell out of you.

"It's all good, Steve. He... he didn't say much. Just some drunk talk, nothing to worry about." You reassure, wanting to forget about this forever.

You stopped believing in any type of God a long time ago, but you were praying right now that you would wake up in the morning and this would be a dream and none of it was real.

"Okay, I'll let you get back to sleep. Sorry again, Y/N." His apologetic voice says.

"Seriously, it's alright. I'll leave you guys to it. Goodnight, Steve."

"Bye, Y/N."

And then the dial tone.

You think that last night was legitimately a dream because of what's going on right now.

You might ask, what is going on right now?

You're half-awake, making yourself a bagel and coffee in the kitchen.

Normal, right?

Wrong.

"Hey Y/N. Can you pour me a mug, too?" A gruff voice startles you from behind.

And there James is, in all his six foot something glory, with just a pair of sweatpants on.

"I- sure." You can't speak, words cannot be formed at the moment.

This is the first time you've ever heard James address you by your first name.

"Thanks." Is all he mumbles as he grabs the mug from your grasp, the touch of your hands nearly sending you into a spiral.

He sits on a barstool while you take your bagel out of the toaster, and you feel his gaze on you.

You're not wearing anything really worthy of staring, you'd say. The shorts you wear to sleep along with a large hoodie keep you warm in the tower, especially now that winter was in full swing.

You take your time spreading your cream cheese, trying to wait it out enough to see if James would leave before you finished preparing your breakfast.

But of course, he doesn't. So now you have no choice but to find a barstool, maybe not the one right next to his, and eat.

You take a bite and still feel him looking at you.

"Is there something on my face, Barnes?" Your voice is hoarse from the lack of sleep, and as soon as you speak, his eyes meet yours.

He seems hostile, like he wants to say something aggressive and defensive, but he remains quiet for a moment longer than you expect.

"No. Just... nevermind." He shakes his head. He seems like he has something to say but is holding back.

"Are you alright?" You try, braving for his answer.

"Since when do you care if I'm alright?"

His tone is back to being hostile and you don't say anything in response. You're exhausted of fighting with him all the time. And after last night... you don't want to take the words he said to heart in case he really didn't mean them, and now he was acting like nothing ever happened.

If he wants to play that game, so can you. But you couldn't let him just play with your feelings like this and act like nothing happened.

He takes your silence as you giving up, and shakes his head into his mug.

"Did I ever do something to you, James?" You ask innocently.

"You... no, you never did anything to me." He simply answers your question.

"So why do you hate me so much?" You followed up, your tone as casual as possible.

His blue eyes have a storm in them when he allows them to meet your own, but he doesn't speak.

The voice in his head is screaming, yelling at him to say something. To say what he was really feeling. I don't hate you. I could never hate someone as pure, as happy and content as you. I bring out the ugly in you, and you don't deserve that. You deserve someone who brings out the best in you.

But nothing comes out, and he just hardens his jaw and turns back to his mug. You've decided you've had enough of being ridiculed by him, and that you're done.

You won't entertain him and his antics any longer, so when you suddenly stand up and toss the empty plate into the sink, his face shoots to you and you aggressive actions. You're trying to contain yourself and your anger, but so far, you're failing pretty hard.

He wants to say something desperately, but he watches as you top off your coffee again and walk out of the kitchen.

James breathes a deep sigh, and lets his head fall forward.

He misses Wanda and Natasha who walk into the kitchen and stand across the counter where James is sat.

"What did you say to her?" Natasha asks, leaning onto her forearms on the counter.

"I-Nothing, just... she just needs to stay away from me. 'M no good for her, we just don't work."

The two women just share a glance and turn back to the brooding man.

"Buck, I know you. And Wanda knows you, too, some things not by wanting to. And we know you're not this guy. You know who you are, and you don't need to act like that's not who you are. Talk to her. She's caring, understanding. And after last night, you can make things better between the two of you." Natasha tries to reason with him.

"Last night... it was a mistake, and I should've never called her, and I hope that after Steve took the phone from me and talked to her that she forgets about it."

The words twist the two girls' hearts, aching for the both of you. They so badly want to shake him by the shoulders and tell him what an idiot he's being, but they decide it would be best to leave him alone.

"Buck, just... if you want us to talk to her, we can. Don't count yourself out just yet." Wanda gently says as they leave, and he wonders what she means by that.

It's the morning of the mission.

The one you're supposed to go on with James and Steve.

You usually would have no issue with this. You didn't have any issues with it a few days ago, so you shouldn't now, right?

But that was before you received that dreaded call at three in the morning.

That was before James told you what he said, and that was before he acted the way he did the next morning.

You feel stupid for holding onto what he said while he was absolutely wasted, but you can't ignore the way your heart skipped a beat at his words.

You can't help consider that you liked what he said. Maybe you'd go as far as saying you've been thinking about it, a lot, and you wondered what it would be like.

What it would be like if he did like you. If you... liked him back?

No. That's just not possible. You're pretty sure there's not one bone in your body that feels something for him, and even if you did, there's no way he would reciprocate those feelings. He's made it extremely clear he's not even interested in you as a friend, much less romantically.

You're zipping up your suit and gathering your various items for your 5 AM call-time to the Quinjet, locking your room as you usually do when you know you'll be gone for a mission.

Once you reach the platform, you see Steve and James also sorting out their own gear.

"Mornin', Y/N. Ready to kick some ass?" Steve's ever-chipper voice asks with a smile on his face.

Why couldn't you like someone like him? He's nice to you, good-looking, and doesn't randomly tell you rude things.

"Morning, Steve. I'm ready as I'll ever be." You crack a smile, but you feel exhausted. This back and forth between you and James has you thinking about it too often, and you want nothing more to go back to the days before you knew him, before you had to deal with an irrelevant enemy.

You sigh when James just stares at you and turns away without a word, deciding you were over this and made your way onto the jet.

"It wouldn't kill ya to say hello," Steve mumbles to his friend.

"Don't think she wants one from me." Is all James comes up with before he turns away to grab another piece of gear.

"Is this how you're gonna be with her the whole mission? I don't wanna have you two not being able to communicate be the reason that something goes wrong." The blond asks.

"We'll be fine. If you both just leave me be, it'll all be okay. Just stop asking questions about it. 'M done talking about it."

All Steve can do is sigh as he watches his friend walk further and further from him onto the jet, deciding that it was time to drop this issue and focus on what he was supposed to.

Today's mission was in an abandoned warehouse in the middle of nowhere.

Literally.

You were in the snowy mountains of the Northern Alps of Slovenia, a bot far off, but nothing too big that you couldn't handle.

Although, it was really fucking cold.

Steve and James seemed just fine, and you've never been more jealous of someone with the super soldier serum.

Over the course of the ride over, Steve explained the game plan to you one last time before letting you look over it on your own one last time.

You know the plan front and back, of course, but it never hurt to double-check. Or triple-check.

Okay, maybe you've looked it over about 30 times just over the course of the jet ride. But you couldn't let a slip-up happen on this mission, especially with James around. You would never hear the end of it if you did.

"Okay, getting inside is the easy part. Y/N, you're going to get us in, and from there we're gonna have to split up. The warehouse isn't that big, so we're going to go room by room to clear out those hard drives. After that, anything else is fair game. Let's not leave anything behind, yeah? A quick in 'n out, avoid any contact." Steve says in his Captain voice.

"Got it, Cap. Let's go." You make sure your gun is in its' holster before activating the invisibility shield on the jet and stepping off.

Once you make it inside, you get to your first designated room and find the computer as quick as possible. Once you open the drive and clear it out, you wait to make sure there was no one coming your way before slipping into the next one.

"Just got the first one done, going to the next." You speak as quietly into your comm as possible, latching the next door behind you.

The hard drive on this computer definitely had more material on it, meaning it'll take a little longer.

You still had about 4 rooms to take care after this one, but you flick your eyes between the door and the computer screen, waiting for the bar to reach 100%.

"Going to room 3 out of 6." You yank the device you made by Tony and Vision that was allowing for the data to be cleared quickly and permanently out of the computer, heading to the next room.

"All good, guys?" You ask, and don't receive a response for a second, which makes you freeze in your place in the next room. "Guys?"

There were a few seconds of silence, and then Steve breaks it with his voice.

"Okay, I think we have some unexpected guests. My guess is around 40 of 'em, we can get this done easily." Steve's voice rings through again and you feel a rush down your spine.

You know you can handle this type of situation. You were built for it, ever since you were 5. You were made it fight, so that's what you're gonna do.

Before your hand can move to lock the door of the next room, you can sense someone is coming after you.

Call it a gift from the devil himself.

"Guys, I think someone's coming my way." You try to whisper as quietly as possible into your comm, waiting for something from someone to make it clear that you were heard.

You waited a few more seconds, starting up the computer once again and pushing in the device.

"Buck, status update?" You hear Steve again.

"All good, Steve. Headin' to my second to last room." Is all he says.

"Y/N, I think you've got someone coming your way." No shit, isn't that what I just said? "Be careful, how far along are you?"

"About 70%. I need time, Steve." You rush out, trying to stay low. You're level with the desk the computer is on, just incase someone walks in.

"Alright, I'm on my way. Buck, if I can't make it in time, you gotta get to her, you're closer." Steve tells his friend.

A groan is all you hear in response, but before you can quip back with a remark, you hear the door open.

Quickly, your head comes under the desk and you try to think of what you can do right now.

You hear several sets of heavy footsteps walk further in, and you can feel your heart trying to escape from your chest. Your breathing stays level, not giving away your spot.

You press the button on your earpiece that will notify Steve and James that you're in danger and need their help, and you hope one of them will come.

One pair of big black boots come to back of the desk, on the other side of where you were. You're not visible, but you're praying that they don't come around to the other side and see the computer screen. You made sure to turn the brightness down as much as possible before sliding under, so there isn't much reason for them to look.

You hear voices in Russian, and you almost want to hurl. It felt like you were back where you were all those years ago, a slave to the devil.

And of course, luck was never on your side. So when you felt the boots walk around the desk, your hand moved to the gun on your hip.

You can do this. You don't know how many of them there are, but you can take them. You've taken on worse.

You're more focused on what you need to do to retrieve the device from the computer, but before you can think about it, you press your comm button one more time before trying your luck with your friend in front of you.

You use one of your devices to successfully tie his legs together, allowing him to drop to the ground in a panic. His eyes meet yours, and you pull out your set of tranquilizer syringes and shoot one into his thigh.

You register the panicked voices of who you assume are this guy's minions, and brace yourself before poking your head over the desk in the midst of the commotion.

Your hand moves to yank the device out of the computer before seeing it shut off, but you have no way to get out of this room right now.

Before being able to get up, your hand grabs your gun and you're holding it ready.

You decide you have two options. Fight them, and there are maybe seven more of them than there are of you.

The second, is pray that Steve or James make it here in the next five seconds before these guys realize you're here.

"There she is!" Someone' Russian rings through your ears before all you hear are bullets flying.

You suppose the first option is your only one now.

You finally stand up, aiming your gun and shooting as accurately as you possibly can in this commotion.

"You thought you and your little friends could escape, huh?" A voice makes you flip around and your gun is pointed right between his eyes. "You can leave us, but we will never leave you, Y/L/N." He speaks and that's all it takes for you to pull the trigger with a shiver running down your spine.

You kick a man coming at you from behind, flipping him onto his back and hearing his resonating groan.

As you're fighting with as much as you have in you, but you need help. If these guys are going to keep coming, you were going to run out of bullets and energy pretty quickly.

"A- A little help here!" You yell into the comm before landing another bullet into someone coming your way.

Before you can see it, you feel it.

A searing, white-hot burning in your side, rendering you almost immobile.

Fuck. That hurts.

You're trying to make sense of what's going on, but your gun slides out of your grasp when your knees hit the floor. You think this is what dying feels like.

You think that all of it was for nothing.

The escaping from the Red Room, building your life back, becoming an Avenger, all of it. Down the drain for a stupid HYDRA dummy that managed to hit you just in the perfect spot.

The voices above you are muffled, and the ringing in your ears is definitely not helping.

But you're surprised that you haven't been killed at this point.

And the one thing that rings lastly in your mind is a... a voice.

You can't pinpoint the panicked tone, but what you can hear is the deep, raspiness, urging you.

"Hey, hey. Look at me, Y/N. Open those eyes big for me, c'mon." Blue, stormy eyes look down on you and you're sure you're in a dream.

There is no way that James Barnes is hovering over me right now, begging me to stay alive. No fucking way.

"Y/N, can you hear me? Stay awake for me, okay? We're gonna get you outta here. Stay with me."

The last thing you feel is your body being lifted and carried before you slip into the unconscious.

The bright, white lights and sterile smell of the Med Bay is the first thing that hits you when you wake up, and your throat is drier than the Sahara.

Your eyes are still adjusting to the blinding light, but you register a warmth that's enveloping your hand.

When you recognize that there's a person sitting in the chair next to your bed, you wonder how long you've been out.

Because you realize the person next to you, holding onto your hand for dear life while their head is laid upon you bed next to your leg, is James Buchanan Barnes.

James Buchanan Barnes... is sitting here... for what?

You try to move your grasp, hoping it would rouse him from his sleep.

He immediately jerks up at the feeling of you squeezing his hand.

"Y/N? You're awake- oh my god, you're awake, I- let me call Dr. Cho." He seems surprised, and you're thinking that maybe you were out for longer than you're expecting. You can see the panic in his movements, hitting the call button on the wall next to the glass door.

"James?" Your voice is hoarse from disuse, "How long have I been out?" It doesn't even sound like your own.

He rushed back next to you and pours a cup of water, and you gratefully accept it from him.

"It's been about a day, you were shot in your side and we had to fly you back as fast as possible." James tells you, not moving his eyes off of you.

You feel a foreign feeling in you, wondering where the James you knew up til right now was.

This man was speaking to you with... concern, and... was that... respect?

"Are you alright, James?" You ask, genuinely wondering if you woke up in an alternate universe.

"Y/N... why would you ask me that? After you got shot, for fuck's sake." He paces around your bed. "How blind are you-"

Before he can finish his words, Dr. Cho slides the door open and steps in.

"Y/N, I'm glad to see that you're awake. That's a good sign. How are you feeling?" She asks, pulling out her tablet.

"I-I'm feeling okay, just a little woozy." You reassure her with a small smile. "Any serious organ damage that I should know about?" You try to lighten the mood in the room.

"Fortunately, your organs were fine. Your ribs sustained some damage, but nothing we couldn't fix. You did lose a lot of blood, but we took care of it as well." Helen was one of your friends here, too, despite her being the medical team. She always helped you out if you needed something, and you're grateful she was able to be the one to fix you up.

"Thank you, Helen. I can't tell you how much I appreciate everything you do for me." She envelops her hand in yours and you squeeze in appreciation, receiving one of her rare smiles.

"I'm glad you're alright, Y/N."

"Couldn't have done it without you." You crack back.

"Well, you had a great 24/7 support system here." She nods to James who stepped outside briefly, and you see him talking to Steve through the glass.

"Was he... here the entire time I was out?" You carefully ask, voice lowered in curiosity.

"Didn't leave your side once. He slept and ate here. Steve and Sam would bring him his things so he wouldn't have to leave. He... he really does care about you, Y/N. More than either of you are willing to admit." She smirks a playful but sincere one, making you realize how serious she was being.

"I- I really had no idea. I thought he hated me. He wouldn't even look at me, and I get shot and he won't leave me? What am I supposed to think right now?" You're lost right now, all your thoughts jumbling in your brain.

"Well, focus on recovering first. Then... I think you two should have a talk." She affirms. "I'm gonna head out, but call me if you need anything. Good night, Y/N." Helen stands up from the side of your bed, pushing the door open, leaving you in silence.

The two men outside both turn to you and watch you through the glass, clearly in conversation.

You weakly lift up a hand in a somewhat wave, motioning with your head for them to come in.

"Hey, Y/N. How ya feelin'?" Steve's voice is also hoarse.

"I'm alright, Steve. I've been worse." You try and crack a smile from him, which, of course, he does.

You see James lingering outside your door, not quite wanting to interrupt you and Steve, but he didn't want to leave, either.

Steve catches your gaze on his best friend, and moves a hand to your shoulder.

"Talk to him. I haven't ever seen him as stressed as he was when he carried you onto the jet. I think there are some things that 've been left unsaid between you two for too long." He gives you that classic Captain America grin, the one that tells you that you need to do the right thing.

You wonder what the right thing in this situation is, though.

You wish someone would tell you.

"I'm gonna head out. Don't kill the guy." He nods towards the brunet, and all you can manage to give Steve is a departing half-smile.

James shares a glance with his friend when he walks out, and there are a million things he wants to ask Steve, but he just walks back into your room.

"I think we need to have a word, James." The teasing lilt in your voice tells him that you know, Steve told you and you don't feel the same, and-

Before his thoughts go completely off the rails, you pat the spot on your bed that's empty.

"Sit."

You give him a smile, watching as he sits as if he's going to set off a bomb if he isn't careful enough.

"First, I want to say thank you, James. For saving me. I thought I was dead meat for sure, and I don't think I would've made it if it weren't for you." Your words come out with a genuine gratefulness for him, and he feels something deep in his chest blooming.

"Y/N, I need to say something."

You nod, telling him to go on.

"When you were on that floor, bleeding out of your side, I... I was terrified. The same feeling I felt when I was falling off that train all those years ago, when you feel like your stomach is in a freefall and you can't do anything about it, that helpless feeling- that is what I felt. And I don't think- I can't ever feel like that again." He says, hand falling into yours and your fingers twisting into each others.

"Well... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you, or inconvenience you, James. I promise, I'll be more careful next time. If you want, I can talk to Steve about not being on missions together anymore, if it would be easier for you." You say, trying to diffuse what you read as his anger.

"Y/N... you're too naive for your own good." Is all he says while staring at you with... fondness? "You're so blind."

"Okay, relax, James. I just got shot, can't you cut me a break?" You chuckle, but there's an uneasiness in your chest.

"No- I'm actually not making fun of you, for once. 'm just stating the obvious." He says matter-of-factly.

"Which is?" You ask, irritated at this point.

"That I... I love you, Y/N. I've loved you... since I met you, but I thought I wasn't good enough for you, that you could do better than me, so I never said anything. And our fights... it was the only way I had to interact with you. So I kept pushing, and pushing, because I had to take what I could get with you. And now... I've liked you for so long, but I forgot to tell you somewhere along the way. And you don't have to say anything now, because you're hurt and should focus on getting better. You shouldn't have to worry about me, too-"

"James," You try and pause his rambling.

"So you don't have to give me an answer now,"

"James!" You try again.

"But just know, I really do like you, and you deserve to be treated right-"

"Bucky!" You almost yell, raising your voice slightly.

"I- you- did you just call me Bucky?"

"Yes, now can you please shut up and let me talk?" You ask, exasperated.

"Y-yeah, sorry. Go 'head." He mumbles, eyes fixed on you.

"I... I know we didn't always get along at first, and over time I just figured you didn't like me... as a person. So this... this is a lot to take in."

"I know, and I'm sorry for dumping it all on you at once."

"It's... it's okay because... I love you, too, Bucky. I think I just didn't realize it until that moment where I was almost dead but I was in your arms and all I could think was... I can't die without telling him."

"When you passed out while I was carrying you, I was feeling... the same. I just thought to myself... She can't die. I can't let her die without trying." Bucky almost whispers, and you feel a familiar sting behind your eyes as he speaks.

"Bucky..." You whisper, holding onto his hand tighter. "God, I hate you." You let out with a wet laugh.

"You know you love me." Bucky answers with another laugh, and you swear it's the sweetest sound you've ever heard.

"You're such a dick. I don't know how I've managed to put up with you for so long." You say as Bucky leans down closer to your face.

"Well, now... I'm your dick, right?" You feel the words almost touch your lips.

"Yeah... I guess you're my dick." You sigh, and the next thing you feel is his lips gently pressing against yours.

His lips move against yours, and one of your hands grasps the back of his neck.

"Mmm," he hums, pressing a kiss to your nose when he pulls away from your lips. "I think," a kiss to your cheek, "I could," another to your other cheek. "Get used," the next to your forehead, "to this." A final peck lands right back where you started, on your lips.

"I think so too." You giggle, letting yourself feel everything in this moment. The butterflies in your stomach feel like they're about to escape.

"One more thing," he says. You nod to tell him to keep going. "I'm... I'm sorry." Your eyebrows furrow in confusion. "For everything I've said to you. You're annoying, but... I wouldn't have it any other way. And... you're an amazing fighter and I've never met anyone as strong as you. I know how hard you've worked to get where you are, and I love that about you." Bucky lets out a breath and his hand caresses your cheek.

"Apology accepted. I take cash or payment in forms of pasta or other carbs that I eat way too much of." You hold onto his wrist, keeping his hand in place and smile so wide you think your cheeks are going numb. "I love you."

"I love you more." He says with a cheeky smile, a playful tone.

"Don't fight with me, Barnes. Your winning days are over."

"Never, doll. You're stuck with me now." He laughs and kisses you breathless again. "Also, I always loved how you refused to call me Bucky. Only James, or Barnes." He laughs that beautiful laugh that you could listen to forever again.

"I thought it would help me not get attached to you, but... obviously, that didn't work." You return his laugh.

"Well, I don't care what you call me. But maybe I could call you... girlfriend?" His eyebrows raise, eyes not moving from your face to gauge your reaction.

"I... I think I could allow it." Your voice is breathy and you feel like you're on cloud nine.

"Oh thank god. I really thought you'd say no for a minute there, and I don't know how I'd recover from that." Bucky shakes his head in relief.

"Gotta always keep you on your toes, eh?" You say.

"Always. It's what we do, isn't it?" He kisses the back of your hand.

"It is, indeed. Can't let you get caught slipping."

"Never, angel. Never."

two weeks later

Tonight was your first date with Bucky. At first, you didn't want to wait this long, but he was insistent that he wanted you to be 100% better before anything. He told you to wear something you felt comfortable in, so you opted for one of your favorite knit sweaters and a pair of jeans. All he told you was that he was taking you out for dinner.

He meets with you by the elevator of the main floor, eyes shining as he looks at you.

"You look gorgeous, angel." He takes your hand into his massive one.

"You don't look too shabby yourself." You poke his stomach with your elbow.

"C'mon, let's head out." You wrap your arm around his.

Once you reach your destination, you let out a snort.

"I knew it!" You laugh out loud.

Once you step out of the car, you come face to face with your favorite restaurant in all of New York.

La Pecora Bianca, in Soho.

"I know how much you love their pasta, since you always stole it from me when I would get it delivered."

"Well you knew what was coming!" You say as you're guided by a hostess to a small table in the back of the restaurant.

He knew it was your favorite, and he even knew your order and already told them beforehand.

Then, you realize the table had a bouquet of flowers, and a bottle of wine ready for you two.

"This... is so nice, Bucky. Thank you." You tell him, gazing at him with what you assume looks like hearts in your eyes.

"Y/N, I would do just about anything to make you happy. I want you to know that you... you're worth all the trouble." He sits across from you, hand in yours from across the table.

"I love you." He says, only for you to hear.

"Shut up. I love you more." You shoot back.

"Don't start with me, sweetheart. You've already won my heart."

All you can do is smile a stupid smile at his words, returning his sentiment and place a kiss on his lips while leaning across the table. As the night moves forward in the glow of the restaurant light, all you can think to yourself is, I want to spend every night with him for the rest of my life.

And maybe in a few weeks, months, years, you two would talk about that. But right now, there was no where else you would rather be than right here, with James Buchanan Barnes.

And all he can think is, 'I'm gonna marry her one day.'

fin.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #Bucky Barnes #bucky imagine #bucky barnes one shot #bucky barnes imagine #bucky x reader #bucky barnes au #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes angst #avenger!reader #bucky x female reader #bucky barnes #avenger!reader x bucky barnes

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jeojahari · 3 years

Text

02 | kiss it better | myg

🠒 summary: you're one of the lucky ones, everyone else tells you. finding your soulmate the day you turn 18 isn't something that happens to a lot of people... but you and your other half are going to have to make a lot of progress to be able to tolerate each other.

or, you and yoongi can feel everything the other feels, and you're hell bent on causing each other pain.

🠒 pairing: yoongi x reader

🠒 genre: angst, fluff, e2l!au, soulmates!au, college au, crack?

🠒 warnings: profanity, implied smut

🠒 word count: 2.6K

🠒 notes: omg tysm for all the love im literally about to start happy sobbing rn TT i hope you enjoy this chapter!! <3

btw if my writing is not up to par at any time pls let me know, i'd hate to give you low effort writing TT

part 02: two band-aids

(series m. list)

"I am so fucking stupid."

"I know."

"I can't believe I just ran out of there without saying anything!"

"Ah. I can."

"How is it Yoongi, though? I don't understand! How can two people who are so obviously different and have zero chance at getting along be paired like this?!"

"Hey," Jimin places a comforting hand on your shoulder, "maybe this is the universe trying to prove that you can find love where you least expect it!"

You shoot him the nastiest glare you can conjure up in the moment. "You sound like a children's fairy tale synopsis. Please shut up."

"No, but think about it!" Jimin sits upright, pulling the nearest pillow into his lap. "You don't like him, and he probably doesn't like you. You hate coffee, and he's practically in love with it. The only reason you guys ever interact is Taehyung, who you happen to be in love with."

"I'm not in love with him!"

"Sure," Jimin rolls his eyes. "Anyways, this is literally the perfect recipe for romance. I feel like I have front-row seats to the best enemies to lovers story ever."

"Don't make me hit you."

"It's true, though," Namjoon pipes up from beside you. You're sandwiched between both of them in an attempt to extinguish the growing dread in the pit of your stomach. "You don't really know what he's like, Y/N. People aren't always what they seem at first glance."

"I had more than just a glance," you snap. "And I know him for exactly what he is. A fucking sociopath."

"I mean, he's nice enough," Jimin explains. "I've spoken to him a few times in passing. Maybe he just wasn't having a good day when you talked to him?"

You pause and think, because your friends are right. It's plausible, isn't it? Not every grumpy person you meet goes out of their way to be antisocial... but you can't shake off that feeling you've harbored ever since you first met him.

"I don't like this," you whine, hiding your face under the blanket. "I don't like him. I don't want to be his soulmate."

Namjoon chuckles. "Soulmates aren't always lovers, Y/N. If he's actually a sociopath, or you genuinely despise him after giving him a chance, you're not obligated to love him."

"True," Jimin nods. "My parents were never soulmates, but you know how well they get along. They had me, after all," he adds as an afterthought. "They couldn't have done that without loving each other."

Namjoon winces. "Okay, no. Didn't need to hear that."

You let out a frustrated groan, kicking your legs under the sheets. "I hate this," you grumble. "And I can't even do anything ab — oh!" You sit up, suddenly enlightened and an imaginary lightbulb over your head. "I can!"

"You can what?" Jimin asks, clearly confused. In response, you simply beam at him before doing an impromptu somersault over his legs and tumbling right off the bed, landing on the ground with a loud thump.

"Y/N?!"

"She's insane!"

"She's gone mental!"

"Is she having a seizure?"

"Do we need an ambulance?!"

"Is she okay?"

"Joon, I'm too broke to pay for the ambulance!"

You throw them both off of you. "I'm right here, very much alive, and very sane, thanks."

"Well, what was that, then?" Jimin demands. "If you were trying to show off your gymnastics skills, it didn't work. You look like a clumsy baby koala."

You point at Namjoon. "He's the clumsy one. And no, I wasn't trying to show you my nonexistent gymnastics skills." A huge smile spreads across your face. "I just discovered a great way to release all my frustration."

"By falling off the bed?"

"No, but yes." You lean in like you're about to tell them a secret. "You know... I bet Min Yoongi is cursing the heavens right now, isn't he? For pairing him with someone like me."

Namjoon stares at you incredulously. "Don't tell me..."

"She's going to do it anyway," Jimin tells him, before turning to you. "You're just going to hurt yourself to hurt him, Y/N? Are you for real?"

"It's perfect!"

"It's stupid, and usually I would tell you to go for it if you were planning to kick some dumbass's butt, but not if you're getting hurt in the process."

"Well, I'm doing it anyway," you say. You're 100% decided; you've just found the one part of your bond with Yoongi that delights you the most, and with that comes your singular goal: irritating him to no end. "And this isn't even that bad, Jimin. Wait until I'm on my period. Then he's really going to wish he never knew me."

Actually, you're screwed.

"Ouch!" you hiss, your body jerking at the pain that courses through your arm. You're forced to stop writing mid-word, the dark blue ink a mess on your paper due to these constant interruptions of your sudden movements. "What the fuck?!"

The girl sitting across from you raises her eyebrows at you, half concerned for your sanity.

"Sorry," you whisper apologetically. "My soulmate's a jerk. Honestly, I probably caused this, but I don't regret it at all."

She laughs, eyes turning into small crescents. "Hate at first sight?"

"More like at first conversation." You sigh, letting the pen fall from your fingers. "I don't know how I'm supposed to get along with him, let alone love him. We have absolutely nothing in common, and I'm pretty sure this dislike is mutual. Which reminds me—"

You bang your knee against the table in retribution for Yoongi's attack on his own arm, a satisfied smile on your face.

"Wow." The girl stares at you, rather taken aback. "That's some serious beef you two have got."

"Yep. Can't stand him," you confirm. "What about you? Have you found yours yet?"

"Not yet," she says, trying to look indifferent — but you catch that wistful look in her eyes. "Someday soon, hopefully."

"You'll find them," you say, the exact words you've repeated to Jimin multiple times over the years. "Time is all it takes. I hope yours is less of a jerk than mine... and if they are, I'm more than happy to instruct you in the ways of torturing them."

"Noted," she smiles, before returning to her book.

You, though, can't focus. Actually, you haven't been able to concentrate on anything lately — ever since this trivial back and forth between you and Yoongi turned into something more desperate and warlike, it's all that's ever on your mind.

Sighing, you stand up, leaving your place at the table to go fetch a book from one of the many shelves lining the opposite wall of the library. It doesn't take you long to find what you're looking for, but you immediately stumble over and hit the ground, nearly knocking your head against the wood of the shelf.

"Fuck," you hear someone curse in the next aisle. You know that voice, you realize after a few seconds, immediately ducking your head around the corner in amused curiosity.

"What'd you do to yourself this time?"

Yoongi scowls at you from the ground, as irked as always. "None of your business."

"It kind of is, actually, now that I feel it too."

"Oh, really? Where was that concern when you were hurting yourself just to get back at me for doing absolutely nothing?"

"You did it back! You have no right to be telling me what I did was wrong if you decided to do it too!"

"Why the hell did you do it in the first place?"

"Shh!" The librarian walks past the two of you, giving you a sharp glare as she replaces a few books with the ones in her hands. You nod apologetically to her, head bowed.

"You're so loud," you whisper a few seconds later, just as Yoongi gets himself off the ground and has managed to gather the books he'd dropped.

"You literally started yelling first, Y/N."

A deep frown makes its way onto your face. "You know what? I still don't understand why you're like this. Can we not have a civil conversation for once? Every time I talk to you it turns into a goddamn argument!"

"Yeah, well, maybe if you'd just minded your own business, we wouldn't be having this argument!" Yoongi pauses for a breath. "You always make it an argument, Y/N, I don't go out of my way to pick a fight with you!"

"Isn't that what you're doing right now?"

"No! I just don't understand your problem with me! Look," he says, a little calmer, "I know you don't want to be my soulmate. And I'm not particularly in love with you either. But you can at least act like I'm human too, right? Or is that too much for your inflated pride?"

"Did you just call me arrogant?" you ask incredulously, trailing after him as he walks back to where he was sitting. "You think I'm doing this because I'm conceited?"

"N—"

"Well, for your information, I'm not. I just really dislike you."

Yoongi tongues his cheek in frustration, slamming his book down onto the table. "And for what?" he demands. "I like to know it if and when I fuck up, Y/N. Stop repeating the fact that you hate me and just tell me why."

You flinch at his harsh tone and the sensation that sends a painful twinge through your palm. "You're just... you're so hard to talk to," you accuse. "Like, really? How am I supposed to wrap my head around this whole thing when I can't have a conversation with you without feeling like shit?"

He's gaping at you now. "I'm making you feel like shit? And you're not doing the same by basically trash talking me to my face?"

"I'm not! I'm just telling the truth; and besides, you asked!"

"Who are you to go around judging the way people are? Not everyone is bubbly and cheery, you know? Being grumpy for a second doesn't mean being grumpy for a lifetime!"

"Well, I can't tell, can I? Not when you always act like you hate the rest of the human race!"

Yoongi doesn't reply to you, just staring back at you for a few moments. Instead, his jaw clenches as he turns away without any kind of rebuttal.

"Alright," he says gruffly. "I'll go first."

Your eyes widen slightly as your frustration dissipates. You'd only meant to check on him out of curiosity after his fall, you hadn't intended for it to escalate to this scale at all... "Wait—"

"Don't bother to talk to me next time," he interrupts you, a hint of bitterness to his voice. "Since I always make you feel like shit, anyways."

"No, I didn't m—"

Yoongi's gone before you can give him any miserable excuse from your side, bag slung over his shoulder and that cup of coffee in his right hand. You catch a glimpse of his fingers wrapped around the cup, two band-aids covering the knuckles of his smallest digits, and you can't help but wonder... did you do that to him? All those days you spent wrapping bandages around your legs and arms, was he doing the same?

But you hate him, right? No matter how closely bound you two are, you're allowed to do this, aren't you?

You don't know.

You recall the sight of his worn out expression and sigh, shaking your head. Whatever it is about Min Yoongi that draws the worst out of you, you'll never know. All you're sure of is that apparently you're supposed to love him, apparently you're supposed to be his and vice versa. But you just can't.

As you trudge back to your seat, you notice that the girl from earlier is still there, still taking diligent notes — except her eyes now follow you, a mixture of concern and curiosity.

"I'm fine," you state. The words come out far harsher than intended, but she doesn't seem to take offense.

"Really?" she asks instead. "S'great if you are, but if you're not then you're just lying to yourself, Y/N."

You blink at her, surprised. "Huh? How'd you know my name?"

"You guys were yelling," she explains. "I could hear him from over here."

"Aish. Sorry."

"Don't worry about it." She chews on her pencil for a second, seemingly contemplating something. "Mind if I give you my two cents?"

The girl's awfully blunt and gets right to the point, and it reminds you of your friends for a moment. Something about her just makes you want to trust her, to let her in.

So you shrug your shoulders and say, "Sure."

"Second chances only come once."

"Huh?"

She nods, tucking her hair behind her ear. "You don't really know anything about him," she says. "You don't know what's happened to him before. You could be his second chance, and he probably just took a blow after that whole debacle you two had over there."

"What?"

She chuckles softly, and you find yourself rethinking your stance on the situation. She's right, she's right, your heart tells you, but your brain is saying something else entirely, and it's maddening.

"Give him a chance, Y/N. Everyone deserves one."

Hours later, you're still thinking about what a random stranger said to you at the library earlier.

Yoongi? A chance? No, thank you. You don't need to waste any more of your time on guys that aren't going to give you the time of day once they're not interested.

And yet, a small part of your conscience says otherwise. He's not just any guy, it reminds you. You're soulmates for a reason.

You're so frustrated you want to tear your hair out. "Soulmates are stupid!"

Jimin walks into your room with two cans of soda, an eyebrow raised as he tosses one to you. "Yikes, Y/N. What's gotten into you today?"

"Min Yoongi," you grumble.

Your best friend gapes at you, nearly spilling his soda all over himself. "I'm sorry, what?"

"What?"

"Already, Y/N?!"

You're confused as you take a sip of the sweet drink. "Already what, Jimin?"

He's opening and closing his mouth, eyes so wide he looks like a clown out of those children's cartoons. "You and Yoongi — you guys — I can't believe you finally got laid!"

This prompts you to spit out the liquid in your mouth, dissolving into a coughing fit as you try and regain your breath.

"There, there," Jimin says, stroking your back gently. "I won't mention it again if you don't want me to, I'm sorry. Was he a bad lay?"

"A bad what? Jimin, I don't know what you think I'm doing, but having sex with him is most certainly not on my list," you frown.

Your best friend, on the other hand, looks totally dumbfounded.

"Huh? But you answered with his name!"

You smack the side of his head gently. "That's not how idioms work, dumbass."

"Okay, sheesh, sorry," he apologizes, rubbing his temple. "But really, though. Everything okay with Yoongi?"

"Not really," you say truthfully, "but it's fine. Neither of us are expecting anything from the other."

Jimin looks skeptical as he eyes you carefully. "You sure?"

"Mhm."

He tilts his head back, draining the can of soda as he swallows. "You know, Y/N, maybe you should give the guy a chance."

There it is again, that word. The one thing everyone tells you that you need to give.

But is it worth your time? Is he worth your time? Or is he just going to walk away and leave you broken again? Maybe you're being selfish, but you'd rather spare yourself the heartbreak process than willingly go into something you know won't be good for you.

"Yeah, okay," you lie through your teeth, soda can still nearly full in your hand. "Maybe I will."

taglist: @meiadore @kimnamjoonluvbot @im-gay-no-matter-who-i-date @fangirl125reader @helenazbmrskai @min-yus @janeelizabeth1216 @chimchiekookie @chimchoom @igotnotype @beach-bitch-bitch-beach

taglist is still open! send an ask if you'd like me to add you <3

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#yoongi #yoongi soulmate au #yoongi enemies to lovers #yoongi college au #bts #bts fanfiction #bts college au #bts soulmate au #bts enemies to lovers #fluff #angst #crack?? idk #yoongi series #part 2 #mine #yoongi x reader #yoongi fanfic

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seoloquent · 3 years

Text

project: dance, dance, revolution

summary - you hate that ai robots are beginning to take over the entertainment industry, but you have no choice than to help them. but what if it all didn't turn out to be what you thought it was?

pairing - johnny and fem!reader

genre - strangers-to-lovers!au, robot!au, comedy, fluff

word count - 10.101

warnings - cw! food, there might be some grammatical errors... i'm depending on grammarly on this one

author's note - this is for @pastelsicheng's ai project #14320 collab! this was honestly such a challenge for me since i have been in a writing slump for over two years i believe, but i'm glad it gave me the push i need. i am still super rusty, but i think the dialogue is cute, so i'm happy with it! thank you so much emmy for sharing your great idea with everyone, and i hope you all like it!

************************************************************************

Johnny AI AU - seoloquent

Kun was terrified.

Despite experiencing your various emotions throughout the five years of being your manager, he has never seen you this angry before. But, honestly speaking, he couldn’t blame you. He’d be just as mad if he found out his boss went behind his back and signed a contract with a company he hated. As much as he could sympathize with you though, Kun just couldn’t get himself to understand why you were so upset about working with LSM Incorporated. If he were in your shoes, he’d be doing backflips off the wall! The amount of exposure, and revenue you are potentially going to be receiving… Kun just does not understand what the problem is.

Although your strides were long and strong, Kun was able to keep up with you while making sure he kept his distance, as if a dark cloud followed behind you. As cautious as he was to not have you blow up at him, he still tried to convince you to not make a scene within the conference room by his desperate protests; in which you kindly ignored. Every single word that left his mouth went through one ear and straight out the other as you paid him no mind. You were in a tunnel vision; the only person you wanted to talk to right now was your boss.

Pushing the door open with much force (that Kun had to catch before it slammed onto the wall behind it), you caught the attention of the CEO of your company, as well as Lee Soo Man of LSM Inc. They flashed pleasant smiles your way, completely oblivious of your angry state.

“Y/N, just the person we wanted to se-”

“Are you serious?!” You slammed the contract papers down on the table, your eyes wide and fierce as they stared into your boss’s eyes.

Your emotions were still fresh from when you first received the signed contract papers from Kun about an hour prior. The feelings of betrayal and violation lingered within you, and the uneasiness it caused made you sick. How could someone lack so much human decency that they justified going behind their employee’s back, an employee that has their trust in them at that, and force them into labor; which they have already voiced that they did not want to do? It baffled you, and you were hurt, as you believed that you and your CEO had a great business relationship. But he took that open communication for granted and took advantage of you.

After realizing that you stormed in with anger rather than excitement, he pursed his lips and looked down at the papers, chuckling to himself. “Oh. So you’re still opposed to the idea.”

You couldn’t believe your ears. “Of course I am!” Your voice rose as your eyes grew bigger. “You never talked to me about it again after the first time; what made you think that I changed my mind?”

“Y/N, I have to get you to notice that you are not the only one signed to this company. This will not only be good exposure for you, but for us as well.” He justified. He kept his voice calm, not only to calm you down but also to keep a professional demeanor in front of his newly established business partner.

“Oh, so you’re doing this for yourself?”

“Of course not! This is for the benefit of not only you, not only me, but for the company as a whole.” Your CEO reasoned. Before you could respond, he cleared his throat and turned to Lee Soo Man. “I’m sorry, but will you excuse us for a moment? I don’t feel comfortable having this conversation in front of you as our partner.”

Normally, you would be embarrassed that you presented this side of yourself in front of a potential partner, but embarrassed in front of Lee Soo Man? You care more about a monkey’s opinion about yourself more than his opinion. Besides, it doesn’t seem like he’s phased by your reaction at all. Strangely enough, when you turned toward the founder of LSM Inc., you realized that his arrogant smile had never left his face since the moment you stormed into the conference room. It gave you chills. He seems so artificial that you wouldn’t be surprised if he turned out to be a robot himself.

After Lee Soo Man gave his, “No problem,” your boss stood up from his seat and escorted you both outside the conference room. The moment the door closed, your boss’s true emotion started to show. His eyes grew wide and his fingers grabbed onto his freshly trimmed strands as he breathed out a heavy breath of frustration. Equally as frustrated, if not more, you crossed your arms and made sure your gaze was unwavering; something you needed to learn after being manipulated many times from past experiences with people who work within the entertainment industry. You stepped your metaphoric foot down. Even if your boss had signed a contract without your acknowledgment, you were not going to do the job. That’s not your signature on the papers.

“Are you crazy Y/N?!” He yelled in a hushed tone, careful to not have anyone overhear your conversation. “How could you act like that in front of him?”

“Do I not have a right to be angry? You sold me away to a robot company Jack, a robot company!” You slapped the back of your hand on your other palm, now physically unable to withhold your emotions.

“I didn’t sell you away, you’re getting paid to do this job.” He spat. Now self-aware of how uncivil and unprofessional he was being, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath to ease his nerves. You are going to get nowhere if you bickered like this, and if you keep it up, he knows he is going to say something he regrets.

Now keeping his tone soft, he revealed, “I chose you because you’re the best for this job.”

“Aren’t there other artists under this label who could do this? I’m sure they’re more willing to work with LSM than I am.” You matched his tone, hoping that this time you could get through to him.

“Those other artists can’t produce the same product as you can.” Jack shook his head disapprovingly. “Listen Y/N, I don’t want to waste any more of Mr. Lee’s time, so I’m going to make this short. I apologize in advance if you find any offense in this, but business is business.” You stared intently into his eyes, in hopes to understand where he was going with his next sentence, but his expression could not be read.

“If you can’t do this job, then I’m afraid that I’ll have to drop you from this label.”

You never knew what people meant by having their hearts drop down to their stomachs until now. You felt as if the wind was knocked out of you, your breath short and shaky and your knees weak. All these years… all this work you put in to make a name not only for yourself but for this company… it baffled you that all that effort could be thrown away so easily, just because of some AI company.

As much as you wanted to keep standing up for yourself and your role in the company, you knew there was no use. Your boss didn’t seem to give you a choice either, seeing that he walked back into the conference room shortly after his bombshell. The only thing you could find yourself doing is laughing bitterly to yourself while shaking your head. What in the world are you going to do now?

***

Maybe it isn’t such a good idea to go to a bar when you’re in a bad mood. The constant noise of chatter and the clinking of glasses did not soothe your nerves one bit. Rather, it made you even more annoyed, and on the brink of yelling out at everyone to just be quiet. Instead of making a fool of yourself in public though, you sat with your head under your arms, forehead resting on the cool surface of the bar. Kun, your designated moral support, sat next to you, tapping his glass of whiskey as he thought of what to say to you.

“So, what are you gonna do?”

That simple yet oh so effective sentence had you throwing your head back and releasing a loud groan. Your reaction had your manager shrugging, his face reading, ‘What did I do?’ You rested your cheeks on the palms of your hands as you thought: ‘What can I do?’

Gazing off into a space of nothing, you replied: “I dunno.” You shook your head, your hands still on either side of your face as you deadpanned. “I have no idea what I’m gonna do.” After a moment, something clicked in your head, and you set your arms down and turned to Kun. “Do you want to bail on them and start a company with me?”

He snorted at the inquiry. “You know we can’t do that! At least not right now. It’s way too last minute.”

You looked down at your arms with a sad expression and sighed. “You’re right.” Not only would it be an impulsive decision, but you had no motivation in you to own a whole entertainment company. “What am I gonna do?!” You cried out, your hands covering your face to hide your shame.

“Hey, hey, hey! Stop the whining!” Kun took your hands away from your face, revealing the pout on your face. “Everything is going to be fine! I’m sure of it.”

Kun, a big pep-talk kind of man, was always ready to reassure you when you were in doubt. And boy was he good at it. You still remember when you were growing anxious before your first big concert at an arena. The staff ran around the whole place frantically trying to find where you ran off to. Thankfully, your trustee manager was able to find your hiding spot, which was beside a vending machine in an empty hallway. His comforting words found a way to ease your speedy heart rate, and clear up your clogged mind. After that day, you knew you could always go to him when you were feeling down or unsure of yourself. He’s a friend you could always lean on.

“How are you so sure?” You asked, your voice so small that he almost missed the question.

“Think about it,” he set his glass to the side and folded his hands together, “this contract is only valid for six months. It’s not like you’re going to be working there forever.”

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes. “I know that; but still! I don’t want to do it at all!”

“You never know what will happen until you try though! You might end up liking it.” He nudged your elbow as he flashed a convincing smile.

“Me? Liking it?” You scoffed. “Kun, do you even know me?”

He pursed his lips and sighed. This situation was foreign to him since he always knew what to say. But now, it seemed like everything he was saying was making the situation worse. He wanted nothing more than for you to feel comfortable, but that mission is basically impossible knowing how much you oppose the AI industry. But still, Kun is a persistent man. He wasn’t going to back down just yet.

Finally, something clicked.

“Actually, your idea doesn’t sound half bad.” You cocked a curious eyebrow, surprised that he brought up something you spurted out carelessly. “Think about it: you’re still your own person. Even though you’re technically bound by a contract doesn’t mean that you can’t make a decision on your own. He did give you the choice to leave.”

You furrowed your eyebrows. “So you’re saying that I should just leave the company?”

He shook his head. “No. What I’m doing is offering a deal. I want you to try to work with LSM for at least three months. If you try it, you might like it! If not, I will quit with you, and we can try to start a company on our own; which I know we both don’t want. But hey, that might be fun too.”

You thought about the proposal for a moment. It wasn’t too much of a bad idea. It was actually quite reasonable. Yeah, you aren’t looking forward to being surrounded by robots and their arrogant creators, but you guess that it’s worth a try. Just for the experience at least.

“I think we have a deal.” You held your hand out.

He took your hand in his and gave it a firm shake.

“Pleasure doing business with you, partner.”

***

You shivered upon entering the entertainment wing of LSM Inc. You were told that the lab would be a bit chilly, which is why you brought a jacket with you, but the cool air still found a way to nip at your skin through the material. You have to say, the lab was not what you expected it to be. Rather than it being some cold, plain science lab, it was made out to be much more casual. Your eyes settled on what looked like a lounge area for the employees, and you watched carefully as they conversed with one another with soft smiles on their faces. Scanning the place even further, you came across capsule areas, in which you assume where the AI robots stayed. As cool as the dome building seemed, you still couldn’t shake off the grudge you had against the company.

“Oh, you’re here!” A man holding a clipboard exclaimed. He ran over to you and Kun, flashing a bright smile. “Mr. Lee told me that we were to be expecting you both. I was hoping to greet you at the main lobby entrance, but I got caught up in another situation, so I apologize. My name is Kim Doyoung, I’ll be your guide for the day.” He politely held his hand out, and you shook it while replying with a small, “Hello.”

“We’re pleased to have you here with us Ms. Y/N. Please, follow me.” He motioned both of you to follow him. “I must say, I’m a huge fan of your music. I’m really happy that you decided to work with us for the next comeback.”

“Oh. Don’t mention it.” You shook your head while smiling slightly.

As Doyoung lead you to wherever he was leading you, he pointed out different areas to help you grow familiar with the lab. You learned that they have many recording and dance studios like regular companies do. You couldn’t help but wonder why, since they could just be programmed to sing the songs, but you didn’t bother to ask.

Finally, Doyoung stopped at a station, but his bright expression was replaced by a puzzled one. He looked around as if he were looking for someone. You, on the other hand, couldn’t help but stare at what stood before you. The tall human-like… thing, stared right back at you with a neutral expression. It gave you chills how real he seemed; like he could walk past you on the street and you wouldn’t bat an eye. Despite how anxious it made you feel, your curiosity outweighed that emotion, and you inched closer to get a better look.

Your tour guide caught you eyeing the bot, and that smile found its way back onto his face. He heard that you might be a bit opposed to working with the AI’s, so he was glad to find you expressing some sort of interest in their prized possession.

“He’s so human-” As if in a trance, you reached out a hand to touch the robot, but it suddenly stepped back just before you got to it.

“I’m sorry, but physical touch is not allowed unless permitted.” The robot announced before flashing a commercial smile.

Doyoung’s chuckled beside you. “For the safety of our bots, we have prohibited anyone from touching them.” He leaned in to add, “Too many fans at fansigns got touchy-feely.” He shook his head disapprovingly.

“Eager to get a feel of my bot already?” You heard a voice from behind you.

When you turned around, you felt as though you got whiplash. The man standing behind you looked identical to the robot standing before you. The only difference was that the robot had blonde short hair and was styled in fancy clothing whilst the man had long brown hair and didn’t seem to care much about what he had on. He had his hands in the pockets of his gray sweatpants, a sly smirk plastered on his face.

“You’re late.” Doyoung deadpanned.

“I’m not late, I was taking a nap in the Pod, and nobody cared enough to wake me up!” The mystery man shrugged.

Finally, you snapped back into reality, but you still had to verify that what you were seeing was real. When you finally accepted what was going on, you couldn’t help but laugh.

“How cute.” You snickered to yourself.

A puzzled expression masked the mystery man’s face. “What’s cute?”

“What is this? The Man and the Muppet?” Your comment had Kun nudging your arm and shooting you a warning look to which you responded with an apologetic gaze.

Not giving the mystery man any time to respond (merely because he does not have the patience), Doyoung spoke up. “This is Suh Youngho, he’s the head AI Developer of our department. He’s the creator of #S127.” Youngho put his hands behind his back and bowed as his greeting.

“I’m guessing his name is Youngho as well?” You pointed to the robot, still standing expressionless.

“He wishes, but no, we call him Johnny!” Youngho swung an arm over his identical twin of a robot, smiling brightly. “After a long and hard fight for it, he will be releasing his first solo album this year.” He wiped a fake tear from under his eye. “Johnny here is my firstborn, so this is going to be really special.”

“And you’re going to help us make it very special!” Doyoung cheered.

“Actually, speaking of that, what exactly am I supposed to be doing? Wouldn’t it just be easier for me to give you guys a demo and you program him to sing it or something?” You asked.

Doyoung was quick to answer. “That would defeat the purpose of AI robots actually! The thing is, they’re supposed to learn to adapt to certain environments, like we do! So they learn how to sing songs and how to dance complex choreography just like we do.”

This time, Kun was the one to ask a question. “Aren’t you guys just putting more work upon yourself?”

“Yes, and no,” Youngho started, “It’s like a domino effect. The more work we give our bots means more research that needs to be done. The more research that is done, means there’s more data we get. The more data we get means a more refined bot, and then it loops.” Kun opened his mouth in an ‘ah’ shape and nodded his head after the explanation. “Hopefully we can get this bad boy to the point where we don’t have to do any more research and he can be a successful artist on his own.”

Even though this was all very interesting, you still couldn’t help but still be opposed to the thought of helping a robot making it in the entertainment industry. You caught a glimpse of the future as you fell into a daydream: AI’s getting a full sweep in wins at big music award shows, discrediting those who actually put their heart and soul into their work. Robots don’t have a heart, nor do they have a soul. Even if they do seem to “work hard,” they will never be on the same level as a human artist. It just won’t be fair, but what even is fair these days?

“So, to answer your question, we need Johnny to learn what it’s like to be a true singer-slash-songwriter. And to achieve that, he’ll be staying with you for the duration of the six months before his solo debut.” Doyoung’s words snapped you out of your daydream and you turned to him with furrowed brows.

“Oh, so this is going to be like ‘Take your robot to work day’ or something? But just for six months instead?” You questioned.

Doyoung looked up as he thought, nodding and shrugging seconds afterward. “Well, yes, but we were hoping that Johnny could get the full package. We planned for him to stay with you 24/7 so that he could really get a feel of your creative process.”

You did a double-take, eyes wide and mouth agape showcasing your shock.

“E-Excuse me? You mean to say that he will be… living with me?” You spoke low and slow, scared of the obvious answer.

You didn’t see anything about this in the contract papers; not that you read it anyway since you weren’t the one who signed them; but still! You could feel your heart race as you thought of him living in your apartment, those brown soulless eyes studying every move you made. The vision made you shudder.

“Affirmative.” Youngho nodded firmly.

Your heart wanted to burst out of your chest. “I’m sorry, but can you guys excuse us for a moment? I need to speak with my manager in private.” You said just before taking Kun’s hand and dragging him somewhere where the two scientists wouldn’t be able to hear your conversation.

“I’m living with the robot?!” You whisper yelled, careful to not have anyone nearby hear your anguish.

“In my defense, I had no idea about this.” Kun shook his head with his hands up.

You paced back and forth as you panicked. You lifted your hands, but not knowing what to do with them, you just clenched them into a fist. It seemed like your life was spiraling out of your control. Nothing is going your way, and it is driving you insane. You need to get your life back in order fast. If not, who knows what will happen?

“I swear, if he wasn’t the one paying me, I would kill Jack right now.” You grumbled.

“Hey, it’s not like Johnny is a real guy. I doubt he would try to do anything to hurt you.” Kun tried his best to reassure you, but it was not doing much to help.

“You don’t know that! We don’t know what those guys are capable of!” You pointed toward Doyoung and Youngho. “That Doyoung guy is nice, but I don’t know if I can trust him. And Youngho seems like he’s gonna be a handful.” You stared at the said man as he and Doyoung bickered, probably about him being late again.

Kun turned his head to see the two men bickering, and the only thing he could do was chuckle. “I think they should be the least of your worries.” His comment made you sigh deeply. “You’ll be fine, I promise you!” He put his hands on your arms to steady you, but you avoided his gaze as you stared down at your feet with a pout on your face. “You know I’m always on speed dial if you need me.”

You nodded your head, still avoiding his gaze.

“Hey,” his call made your eyes meet his. “If all goes wrong, we can always dump a bucket of water over ‘em.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at the comment. “Yeah, and then we’ll get sued and possibly go to jail.”

Kun smacked his lips and said, “Eh, I’m sure they’ll be able to fix the guy. A little water can’t do that much damage.” He stepped back and shoved his hands into his pockets. After a small moment of silence, he kicked your shoe gently. “So what do you say? You’re still gonna do it, or no?”

A groan erupted from your chest, and you brought your hands down your face out of frustration. You really don’t want to do this, but a deal is a deal.

“Three months. I’m giving three months.”

“That’s my girl!”

***

You found yourself pacing around your apartment in the early morning. It has been about a week since you first spoke with LSM Inc. From this day forward for the next six months (or three months you hoped), Johnny would be shadowing you at all times. You were a nervous wreck since you didn’t know what to expect from living with a robot. What if he suddenly malfunctioned and they blamed it on you? You can’t handle this type of responsibility. Or what if he malfunctioned and started acting violently toward you?

“Snap out of it!” You whisper yelled at yourself, hitting your temple with your knuckles. You always tend to scare yourself when you’re nervous. Everyone you have spoken to about this matter has told you that you had nothing to worry about, so you made it your goal to not worry. But why is it so hard?

DING!

You swore your heart jumped out of your chest when your doorbell suddenly sounded throughout your home. As much as you wanted your heart rate to calm down, it only began to race faster the closer you got to your door. When your hand touched the gold knob, you closed your eyes and took a deep breath, then you finally opened the door.

Two identical men stood before you, flashing the same bright smile.

“Good morning to you!” Youngho greeted you cheerfully, to which you replied with a dazed “Morning,” before allowing them inside.

You eyed the two men as they entered your living room, confused as to why they were the only ones here. “Where is Mr. Kim?”

Youngho cocked an eyebrow before turning around to face you. “Who?”

“Your coworker. Doyoung, I believe his name is?” You answered.

“Oh!” He let out a hearty laugh. “You don’t have to call him that, it makes him sound old. And I’m older than him, so that kind of hurts my feelings.” He joked, but the only thing you could find yourself doing was nodding your head and looking away.

Sensing your discomfort, he cleared his throat before answering your question. “He’s busy back at the lab. I’m here to make sure John is all set before I leave him in your care.” You winced at his words. It only added to the overwhelming weight on your shoulders.

“Why do you ask? Did you grow fond of him already?” He slung his backpack from around his shoulder onto the floor. You peeked inside when he zipped it open, finding wires bunched inside.

“Uh, no, I wouldn’t say that.” You let out a nervous laugh. “I just find it a bit overwhelming with only you two here.”

A smirk grew on his face. “So, you’re overwhelmed by my great looks huh?” He flipped his hair and shrugged as if it was inevitable to be starstruck by him.

“I look exactly like you,” Johnny spoke for the first time since entering your home.

You had to hold back a laugh at the sudden comment, and Youngho’s reaction didn’t make it any easier.

“So? You’re inspired by me, so therefore I take the credit of our looks!” He stuck his nose up in Johnny’s face. When the scientist turned back toward you, he realized you were holding back a laugh as your pursed your lips and looked away. “What? You find this funny?”

You put your hand up and shook your head. “No, no.”

Youngho was happy to find you in a better mood than when you first met. Sure, you’re still on the shy side, but at least you’re laughing instead of frowning like the first time. He heard that you weren’t exactly on board with working with LSM, so he made it his goal to have this be an enjoyable experience for you. He hopes that one day your negative opinions about AI’s would change. They’re as special to him as music is to you.

“I need to set up Johnny’s things. Is it okay if you tell me where he’s allowed to sleep?” Youngho asked.

You tilted your head to the side, a puzzled expression finding its way on your face. “He sleeps?”

“Yeah!” Youngho nodded simply. “It’s like setting your computer on sleep mode. Machines need rest as much as we do. Johnny here is a hardworking man, he deserves to sleep.”

You supposed he was right. He might break easier if his gears were running constantly. Plus, he was made to function as a human, but you didn’t know that it was to this extent. To say the least, you were impressed at the attention to detail.

You motioned the two to your guest bedroom, and immediately Youngho got to work. Johnny stood next to you as the both of you spectated Youngho’s work, but you were shortly distracted by the robot.

You peered up at the tall machine with a curious gaze, and he turned to you with a kind smile.

“So, I’m not sure if this is an inappropriate question or not, but I’m curious.” Johnny nodded for you to go on. “Should I, like… talk to you like Siri? Or can I talk to you like a normal person?”

You were startled to hear Youngho’s loud snort in the corner of the room, but instead of him being the one to answer, Johnny did.

“You can talk to me like a normal person, don’t worry.” Johnny shook his head. “If it makes you comfortable, you can view me as a human if you’d like. I’m not that much different than you actually. We’re just wired differently.”

“Hey,” Youngho’s stern voice caught both of your attention. “Be proud of who you are, whether you are a human or robot. We’ve been through this John.”

Johnny nodded. “Right, right. My apologies.”

Youngho hated it when Johnny tried to tell others to view him as a human. Not because he believed that Johnny was trying to fool people, but because being a robot is his identity, and he should be proud of that. Sure, it’s not likely that Johnny could feel the feeling of pride, but Youngho could tell that Johnny was insecure. It worried him, but he didn’t want to tap into his database to change anything since he wants Johnny to be as authentic as possible. So for now, Youngho is keeping track of Johnny’s growth as an AI person.

Soon, Youngho was finished with setting up Johnny’s station. In the corner of the guestroom stood a white podium with a screen built in the middle of it. He let out a deep breath of satisfaction as he stepped back and dusted his hands off.

Before you could ask what it was, Youngho was already answering your unspoken question. “This is Johnny’s Communication Center. Every night he’ll have to transfer data from his system so that we’ll know what he’s been up to and see if he’s made any improvements. That’s if he’s not with me at the lab.” Suddenly, his face grew serious. “For legal reasons, I have to let you know that this station is strictly off-limits. There’s confidential information in here that belongs to LSM Inc.”

Even though you were curious, the last thing you wanted to do was get involved with the law, so you took note of his warning. Hopefully, it isn’t something regarding the invasion of privacy.

You shook your head before you could scare yourself even further. Positive thoughts. Think positive thoughts.

“Alright, on that note, I think my work here is done!” Youngho announced. “Can I talk with you in private?” He asked suddenly, pointing a finger at you.

“Me?” You had to double-check whether he was really talking to you or not. He chuckled as he nodded his head, confirming your wonders. “Oh, okay.”

You followed the man out of the room, leaving Johnny to check out the place he’ll be living in for the next few months.

After the two of you reached your living room, Youngho began to speak. “Hey, so, I really want to thank you for working with us on this project. I heard that you’re not the biggest fan of AI’s, so I was surprised to hear you signed the contract.”

You held back from rolling your eyes as the memories of your boss came up. “It’s not like I really had a choice.” You smiled softly and shook your head.

He tilted his head in confusion. “What do you mean by that?”

You tensed up when you realized what you just said. As much as you did not want to do this job, you made it your goal to remain as professional as possible for the sake of your reputation. After working in the entertainment industry for some years, you learned to keep your personal feelings apart from your job. If- no, when you do end up quitting the job after three months, at least LSM won’t be able to say anything negative about you.

Refraining from explaining yourself, you shook your head once more. “Nevermind what I said. Johnny will be safe in my care!”

Youngho pouted, his eyes scanning your face. He wanted you to elaborate, but he had no time to talk further. He needed to get back to the lab.

“Well, I hope so. Call me if you need anything. I need to get going.”

Nodding, you waved goodbye to him before seeing him off. Your feet ended up taking you back to your guest bedroom, where you found Johnny sitting at the end of the bed, staring at the wall in front of him. You caught his attention after you cleared your throat, and instead of staring at you with that lifeless gaze, he smiled brightly.

You mustered up the courage to walk up to him, still stopping some feet away though. Crossing your arms, you tried to think of what to say. While you thought, he examined your face, trying his best to read your expression so he to could come up with something to talk about. The silence was awkward for you, but Johnny never sensed the discomfort. He was happy to be here with you. You are the gold coin on his road to success, so he decided to cherish you.

“So… it’s quite early and I usually don’t head to the studio until the evening. Is there anything you wanted to do?” You asked.

“There isn’t anything I can think of…” he shrugged his shoulders.

Suddenly, your stomach grumbled and your hand covered it as a reflex. You were so nervous this morning that you didn’t have much of an appetite, but hunger was catching up to you now.

“I didn’t have breakfast yet.” You laughed nervously. “Are you… able to eat anything?” You felt weird asking such a question since he’s a robot after all, but who knows what he can and cannot do? Technology is so advanced these days. Besides, isn’t he made to live like a human anyway?

In all truthfulness though, Johnny isn’t allowed to eat-- sometimes. In special cases, he can nibble on a snack, but eating a full course meal was a no-go. But Johnny was aware of your discomfort of being with him, and he was determined to make you feel the opposite. As long as he doesn’t clog his gears, taking the risk should be okay.

“I know of this breakfast house Youngho likes to go to every now and then. Do you want to go there?”

Your face lit up at the suggestion. You were more excited at the thought of being around others rather than eating. Being in the house alone with Johnny was really starting to suffocate you, and you needed out immediately. Maybe some fresh air and being surrounded by humans will make you feel somewhat better.

The two of you were quick to leave the apartment after you accepted the offer. Johnny led the way to the restaurant, and on your way, he let you know that it was not far from your home. Come to find out, it was within walking distance. You wondered how you never noticed the humble breakfast house, but after thinking about it for a while, you realized that you are always on the go. Ever since you moved to your apartment, you never took the time to stop and get to know your surroundings.

“What’s wrong?” Johnny’s question snapped you out of your thoughts.

“Huh? Oh… nothing, just thinking.” Finally, you noticed that you were standing in front of the restaurant. “Let’s head inside.”

Surprisingly, Johnny was easy to talk to. Even though he had somewhat awkward responses to your questions, it was never boring or dry. You got to know about his life in the lab, and even how Youngho decided to grow his hair out because people mistook him for Johnny so many times. His story was so interesting, and it kept you on your toes, itching to hear more. It was beyond what you could ever imagine.

“So what is your goal?” You suddenly asked.

He tilted his head in curiosity. “Can you elaborate for me please?”

“You know, like what’s your goal as a singer? Or even just as a living being?”

He sat back in his seat as he pondered on the simple, yet deep question. It’s something he’s never had time to think about. Actually, it’s something he never considered thinking about. Ever since he was first powered up, he has always been working. But working towards what, is the question he began to ask himself.

“I… honestly don’t know.” He shook his head after moments of thinking.

“Really?” Your eyes grew wide at his response. “If that’s the case, then why do you expect to learn how to write music? You need to have some desire or passion to do so.”

He crossed his arm over his chest and rested his chin on his other hand. “I guess you’re right… But how do I find out what my goal is?”

You shrugged your shoulders. “What are you living for? What’s your purpose? You have to ask yourself these types of questions.”

It worried Johnny that he didn’t have a passion despite calling himself a music artist. But he knew he needed to figure it out fast because he really does want to be successful in this field. But is there anything really to work for being the person he is?

***

The next day, you were back at the lab for Johnny’s first checkup. The first night at the studio was not a success, which wasn’t surprising considering that he had nothing to write about. This was exactly what you were afraid of. No matter how busy he might be, he hasn’t gotten the real human experience, so what really can he write about? Hard drives and wires?

“Hey Babysitter!” Youngho greeted you cheerfully after spotting you and Johnny some feet away.

You furrowed your eyebrows. “Babysitter?”

“Yeah, you are taking care of my kid after all.” He laughed, ruffling Johnny’s hair, to which Johnny slapped his hand away. “How was the first day?”

You sighed deeply, thinking about yesterday’s events. “It went okay, but we made no progress in the studio.”

Youngho smacked his lips. “Well, that’s alright. We still have six months ahead of us. There’s still time left.”

“That’s true.” You nodded your head. “But on the bright side, Johnny treated me to the best breakfast I had in a while! So brownie points for that.”

Your words came out too fast for Johnny to stop you. He froze, his hand slapping his mouth in shock. He is dead meat.

“He didn’t eat with you, did he?” Youngho blinked at you. Sensing the tension in the air, you nodded slowly, but kept your mouth shut. “Oh my-” Youngho stepped back as if he was about to faint.

He clenched his fist against his forehead and squeezed his eyes shut. You felt like you did something wrong, but you just couldn’t figure out what. You were sure Johnny would tell you if you did.

“Johnny, just head to the back, okay?” Youngho said, his eyes still closed.

“Yes sir.” Johnny rushed away without another word.

“Did I do something wrong...?” You asked shyly.

“No you didn’t, don’t worry.” Youngho sighed. “He knows better. If he eats too much he could clog his gears. But mostly, I just hate cleaning him out, it’s so tedious!” He groaned at the thought of all the clumps of food he has to take out.

“Oh my gosh! I wouldn’t have let him if I have known!” You exclaimed.

Youngho shook his head. “It’s okay, you didn’t know. He seems to be functioning well, so he should be fine.”

You were worried at the thought of Johnny breaking while under your supervision. Imagine getting sued by a company that handles AI’s? Your life would be over! You can’t let that happen, you won’t allow it to happen.

“Is there any way for me to know if he’s okay or not? Like does he feel pain or no?” You asked. You needed to know just in case you had to rush back to the lab if anything happens. You’re not going to be the blame for anything.

“Yes, and no.” Youngho went on to explain. “He can feel you if you tap him on the shoulder, but if you punch him, it’ll still feel like a mere tap. But the only time he does feel pain is when something in his system malfunctions.” You tilted your head, still not catching on. He found your expression cute, and he couldn’t hold back a smile. “Just think about it: when you’re using your phone, it can feel your taps as you scroll. But if you drop it on the ground, you don’t hear it screaming out in pain.”

“Ah, I think I get it now!” You nodded your head fervently.

“Right! But we did program him to feel some type of pain just so we will know if something wrong is happening to the important parts.”

“That makes a lot of sense… Man, you guys really have it all laid out huh?” You couldn’t help but be impressed at the amount of thought that went into creating Johnny.

“Yeah, well, it’s nothing much.” Johnny shoved his hands in his pockets as he shrugged nonchalantly. As laid back as he was acting, nothing could hide the blush that crept onto his face. He’s a sucker for people acknowledging his work.

“Well, as much as I want to argue with you about that, I have to get to my schedule! Kun is waiting for me outside and I can’t keep him waiting. I’ll be back soon!” You waved as you began to walk away.

Youngho waved back to you as he watched you exit the lab. He sighed to himself, not knowing what he was going to do with Johnny. But knowing that it is best to get the job done now rather than later, Youngho dragged his feet to the operation room where Johnny would be waiting.

Johnny tensed up once Youngho entered the room, and he avoided eye contact in hopes he wouldn’t blow up at him. Thankfully, Youngho didn’t have the energy to yell.

“Why did you do that?” The scientist asked simply.

“She was uncomfortable and hungry, so it was the only thing I could think of.” Johnny justified his past actions, but Youngho wasn’t having any of it.

“Let’s just get this over with, and then we’ll check your data.” Youngho sighed as he started to prep for the cleanup.

“Wait, wait! I have a question.” Johnny stopped him. “Do you have a goal?”

Youngho was taken aback by the sudden question. “Yes… I think so? I guess it depends on what the goal is for.” He wasn’t very sure if he had a set goal, but he did know that he is satisfied where he is right at this moment. The only thing he is concerned about is making sure #S127 remains on the rise.

“Do you think… I’m able to have a goal?”

“You can have the goal of winning a Grammy!” Youngho suggested.

Johnny scoffed. “Well, yeah, but I’m talking about for myself. Am I able to find a goal or a passion at least for myself?”

Youngho blinked at his robot. He was at a loss for words. It seems like a simple yes or no question, but there are levels to it. The right answer to this question was up in the air somewhere, and Youngho was finding a hard time finding it. What in the world did you do to his bot?

“I’m sure you can if you put your mind to it,” Youngho answered. He grabbed his phone and began texting you, suggesting that the two of you grab coffee when you get back to the lab. He needed to talk to you to figure out the meaning behind Johnny’s words.

Some hours later, you were at a Starbucks near the lab sitting across from Youngho. You were nervous you did something bad after all, but you couldn’t get yourself to figure out what you’ve done. But thankfully, Johnny was the first to speak.

“So, Johnny asked me a question that kind of shocked me. I’m supposing you asked him the same question yesterday.” He began.

“What question are you talking about?” You asked.

“If he has a goal. He’s been thinking about it really hard.”

You felt as if a huge weight was lifted off your shoulders. You thought of something way worse, even though you talked to Johnny a handful of times yesterday, and the conversations the two of you had were never bad or questionable. Your nervousness always found a way to get to you still.

“Well yeah! He needs to have a passion in order to be a real artist. And to have a passion, he needs to have a goal.” You nodded.

“Are you sure he can have a passion? He’s a robot.”

You were surprised at his response. “Aren’t you the one who created him? I thought you would know this! Writing songs isn’t just jotting down words on a piece of paper you know. It’s much more to it than that.”

Youngho sighed. You’re right, and it bothered him. It’s not you that he’s bothered by, but the fact that he really doesn’t have everything figured out. He’s so used to being a genius and having questions answered before people could even ask them, but the fact that he doesn’t have an answer prepared for something as simple as this messed with his head. How did he expect to make a successful idol group if his idols can’t even write music on their own?

“I could always just give you a song to use.” You suggested.

“No, I don’t want that,” Youngho answered quickly. “We do that every comeback. We need to actually make some improvements.”

You took a sip of your coffee as you watched Youngho try to figure out what to do. You knew Johnny writing his own song was too good to be true, but you have to admit, there is a part of you that believes in him. If he can read and understand human emotion, there are chances for him to be able to write a decent song.

“What was your purpose in making Johnny and the other guys in the group?” You asked suddenly.

Youngho frowned at the memories that came up in his mind. “I actually didn’t create Johnny and the others to be idol singers.” You furrowed your eyebrows at the bombshell. “I actually intended for them to be soldiers.”

Your jaw dropped. You would have never thought of #S127 fighting in a war. It’s a complete 180 from what they are doing right now.

“What made you change your mind?!” To say you were shocked would be an understatement.

“I didn’t change my mind.” He laughed. “The government rejected my offer, but they told me about LSM Inc. and now here I am. Lee Soo Man suggested that I use my bots to make an idol group, and I wanted nothing to do with it. But it was either I make a group, or be broke with robots that have no purpose.”

So he was in a similar situation that you’re in right now. It made you feel happy to see that he seems to enjoy his current circumstances, but still, you can’t get yourself to accept that you have to share competition with AIs who can’t even figure out how to write a song on their own. Despite that, you were growing fond of Johnny, and you wanted him to be able to find his passion. He’s the only AI you would allow to win.

“I would have never thought of Johnny being a soldier.” You laughed, shaking your head. “Considering that this is your current circumstance, you need to figure out if they’re able to create their own goals for themselves. I understand the base goal is to win awards at big music shows and hit the charts, but there needs to be a better foundation.”

Youngho couldn’t help but admire you as you gave your advice. Not only are you beautiful, but you’re thoughtful, and the more you spoke, the more it attracted him to you. Where were you when he needed you the most? The company has worked with so many different artists before you, but you’re the only one that is actually helping. He just wanted to take you into his arms and thank you repeatedly at this moment.

From here on out, Youngho was determined to find out what Johnny’s goal is. Whether it is impossible or not, he is going to make sure Johnny becomes the best songwriter there is.

***

The three months had gone by before you knew it, and in all honesty, you didn’t want to quit the job. Johnny and you had grown closer the more you worked together, and you enjoyed seeing his progress as he worked to become a better and more authentic writer. And Youngho and you also hit it off very well, becoming closer friends the more you talked. You also realized that you were catching feelings for the scientist, but you ignored it, believing that it was nothing but a simple crush. ‘It will pass overtime,’ you would tell yourself.

Kun on the other hand did nothing to remind you of the deal that you made with him since he knew you forgot about it. He enjoyed seeing you have fun made him happy, he never liked seeing you in a sour mood. He too has gotten close with Youngho as well after going out drinking with him and Doyoung several times. Just like tonight.

This time, you decided to join the guys tonight for drinks at the bar. Once you found out Kun was hanging out with the two scientists, you felt left out and invited yourself to the next outing. It wasn’t like they minded though since they love your company.

“So, I heard that you don’t really like AI’s Y/N. Can I ask you why that is?” Doyoung asked.

You poked your lip out as you thought. “Well, it’s mainly because nothing they do feels true to me. It’s all programmed. Not only that, but they’re slowly taking over our jobs. I��m not exactly comfortable with that.”

Youngho shook his head. “I get what you’re saying, but that’s not necessarily true. AI’s, at least the ones we make at LSM, is made to function like humans. So everything they do is learned after we establish a little bit of a foundation we put in their program. And there are still significantly more humans who have jobs than AI’s, but I do get your concern.”

What he said had you thinking. You supposed he was right, but you still felt so odd about it. But you figured it’s just something that you’re going to have to learn to accept as time goes on. The only AI you trust is Johnny, and that’s all that matters to you right now.

“You might be right, but it’s going to take me some time to get used to them. I like Johnny at least.” You shrugged.

“And that’s all I need to hear.” Youngho smiled widely.

You giggled at his antics. “Excuse me, I need to go to the bathroom really quickly. I’ll be back. Don’t buy any more drinks without me!”

“No promises!” Kun called after you, laughing afterward.

Youngho tapped his glass, trying to decide whether the question he has is worth asking or not. But he needed to muster up the courage since it’s an important question. For him at least.

“Hey, Kun, I have a question.” Youngho started.

“Hit me.” Kun nodded.

“Do you… like Y/N?”

Kun threw his head back in laughter. “What?! Where did that come from?”

Youngho could only scratch the back of his neck and let out a small laugh. He was embarrassed, but it’s something he has been wondering about forever now.

“He’s been waiting to ask that question for ages!” Doyoung exclaimed. “He wouldn’t stop bugging me about it.”

“Well, to answer your question, no I don’t. She’s like a sister to me.” Kun shook his head simply. “You should ask her out on a date. I’m sure she’d like that.”

Youngho shook his head fervently. “I don’t know if I can do that. Not right now at least.”

“You never know until you do it.” Doyoung sing-songed. Kun couldn’t help but laugh.

“Shut up, she’s coming back!” Youngho whisper yelled.

For the rest of the night, Youngho thought about you as the four of you enjoyed more drinks. He knew he had feelings for you, but he wasn’t sure if you felt the same as he did. For now, he just wanted to take more time to read your actions before he let you know of his feelings. He needs time to muster up the courage.

The four of you decided to end the night after realizing how tipsy you have gotten. Kun realized that you had a packed schedule the next day, so they needed to get you home immediately. He already knew you were going to regret it later on.

Kun had made sure you got up to your apartment safely. You stopped him at the door, saying that you could get in the house yourself, and just go home. He at least opened the door for you before leaving, hoping that you’ll get to bed right away rather than finding things to do around the house.

When you entered your home, you began to drag your feet toward your room, that was until Johnny stopped you in the hallway.

He leaned forward and sniffed. “Were you drinking?”

You giggled. “Yeah, I was.”

“You might want to get to bed. We have a long day tomorrow.” Johnny pouted at your condition. Looking at how you were, you for sure were going to experience a hand hangover in the morning.

“Yeah, yeah, I will.” You waved him off. You stepped forward to start going to your room, but you paused and stepped back. You looked up at Johnny and sucked in a sharp breath as you thought. “You look a lot like Youngho.”

Johnny blinked, confused at the sudden revelation. “I am aware of that.”

You narrowed your eyes at him. “Are you just saying that because you are Youngho? Are you trying to fool me?” You poked your finger into his chest.

“No…” Johnny wasn’t sure how to respond to your absurd words. He’s never been in this situation before.

“Well, Youngho, goodnight. I will see you tomorrow.” You smiled at him. Rather than leaving, you stood there, staring up at who you believed to be Youngho through your heavy eyelids. Suddenly you got on your toes and pecked his lips softly. “Rest well Youngho.”

Johnny stood in shock after you left to your room. What was he going to tell Youngho? He has never allowed this to happen before. The kiss was so unexpected that he couldn’t dodge it! He hoped he wouldn't get in trouble.

The next day, Johnny was at the lab for the daily check-in.

“How was the night at the Babysitter’s?” Youngho asked as he plugged Johnny’s chip into his computer to retrieve yesterday’s data.

“She kissed me.” Johnny found himself blurting.

“She what?!” Youngho squeaked.

“She kissed me.” He repeated.

Youngho couldn’t believe his ears. He shook his head, slapping his hand on his forehead. “Huh?!”

“She kissed me—“

“I heard you the first two times!” Youngho yelled.

Youngho suddenly turned around to his computer and rushed to retrieve any video data if there were any. And there was. The camera hidden behind Johnny’s eyes wasn’t always on, but they only started recording if Johnny felt that he needed to. Youngho played the video, nervous about what he’s about to see. But all that worry washed away after seeing your drunken smile. Seeing you kiss his robot amused him more than he thought, as he couldn’t help but snort and laugh hysterically at what he just watched. It was something he never thought he would see or even hear about.

“She thought I was you,” Johnny revealed, which shut Youngho’s laughter up.

“W-Wait, really?” He was shocked.

“Yeah. She kept calling me Youngho.” Johnny nodded. “I think she likes you.”

A blush crept up Youngho’s neck, and he couldn’t hold back the grin on his face. Knowing that you had the same feelings he currently has sent him over the moon. He just wished you kissed him rather than his lookalike.

Youngho waited until the evening to talk to you so that you were free from all your schedules. The two of you spoke at the convenience store near your apartment, enjoying a canned beverage.

“So… Johnny found out what his goal is,” Youngho revealed.

You gasped, clapping your hand over your mouth. “For real? What is it?” You were slightly disappointed that you didn’t know what it was first since you’re the one that is with him most of the time, but you could care less since the whole point is that he knows what he’s working for now.

“Well, his goal is to gain more of a human understanding. He wants to be able to truly write a song. And he found a passion in… people, to simply put it.” Youngho chuckled. “He talks more and asks more questions than he has ever had before.”

“That’s great! I’m so glad, I was really rooting for him.” You cooed.

“I just want to thank you so much. He has been making so much improvement since he started working with you. You really helped us out. You helped him out.” Youngho smiled softly.

“Oh it’s no biggie. I’m glad I was of some help.” You laughed. “He’s the one who did most of the work, so the credit should go to him.”

“I’m supposing that’s why you kissed him then? Because you’re proud of him?” Youngho asked suddenly, a playful smirk on his face.

“What?” Your eyes grew wide in shock. “I kissed him?”

Youngho’s cackles filled the air. “You don’t remember? Ah, I suppose you wouldn’t since you were so drunk last night. Johnny told me you thought he was I, and you kissed him.”

Your fingertips touched your lips after the memories started coming back to you. “Oh my gosh!” You groaned, dragging your hands down your face. “This is so embarrassing!”

“Don’t be embarrassed! Actually, I’m quite flattered.” Youngho reassured you. “Just be sure to kiss me next time.”

You brought your hands down from your face so you could get a good look at his expression. You had to figure out whether he was joking or not.

And to answer your unspoken question, he cupped your cheek with his hand and placed a soft kiss on your lips.

“Please tell me this feeling is mutual.” You whispered.

Youngho chuckled, poking your nose as he sat back in his seat.

“Don’t worry. I want you to be mine as much as you want me to be yours. You have me baby.”

#nct #nct 127 #nct scenarios #johnny suh #johnny #nct u #nct imagines #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines #johnny imagines #johnny x reader #johnny scenarios #johnny drabbles #johnny seo #johnny fluff

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leviiattacks · 3 years

Text

Two Faced | Chapter Ten

↳ levi ackerman, the very person who was about to kindly behead you by a surprising turn of events manages to become your loving husband? you would be elated if this was true love, but it’s all thanks to a mysterious magic spell that your life is spared, for now at least.

pairing :: duke!levi x duchess!reader genre :: royal au ??? (at this point idek) angst, fluff, slice of life etc ?? word count :: 4k author note :: haha.... wowww it's been long since i last updated. honestly my physical and mental health have just been horrible... that's about it, i lost a lot of motivation but if you're still reading i am very thankful and i will try to deliver the story well. i tried my best but writing whilst sick is very tiresome :-) tags :: @patience-is-here , @chwlogy , @a--nonymousse , @imkumichan

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Keeping yourself cooped up within Levi's estate and never daring to step a foot outside should have been what you had done. Blackmailing him to keep you confined within the walls of your bedroom would be much better compared to the problem you have to resolve now. Perhaps if you had done so you wouldn't have collided face first into this muddle.

Jean fiddles with the ends of his button up, he doesn't take the chance to glance up at any of his superiors. He's either much too embarrassed or has nothing noteworthy to start off with.

Erwin chooses to call the shots seeing as neither you or the Viscount by your side wish to begin.

"You both understand why we're here. Correct me if I'm wrong?" The Commander looks between you, Jean and your unfortunate excuse of a husband. Suddenly it looks as if the gears and cogs in Jean's brain move without warning.

Offering a demure nod you expect for him to follow in your footsteps and do the same only he stands there looking between you and Levi.

"Wait...The two of you are? A couple?" Stunned isn't the word, Jean's completely flabbergasted.

"If you figured that out this late, I do not understand why Erwin sees you remotely fit for my team." Levi's beyond insulted at the fact he's only just understood the situation.

Jean, now more intimidated than ever before straightens his back and coughs clumsily, "Sorry." He murmurs chestnut eyes making contact with the hardwood floors.

The Commander's laced hands sit atop his desk, elegant fingers moving similar to honey on a spoon. He sighs not out of fatigue but pride. Whatever plan he's come up with has to be decent at the very least, his body language is telling you that much.

"We have a number of possibilities we can choose from. We owe that pleasure to Mr Kirstein here." Erwin offers him an almost cynical smile, you can't help but gulp thinking about how this is essentially your fault. With all the constant training sessions and team building tasks it makes sense for Jean to have completely forgot about your unspoken rule. Solely blaming him is incorrect.

Raising your arm above your head to intervene you make it known that you're aware of Levi shooting you a look of warning by returning it. It's best he knows you don't care for anyone's opinion let alone his.

"Permission to speak Commander?"

Your request is agreed to immediately with the wave of Erwin's hand.

"It's my fault for not reminding Jean. I'll take the blame, I hadn't even told him the full story concerning me and Levi."

Levi doesn't enjoy your defense in the slightest. "I don't expect my wife to fling herself at other men and allow for them to snoop around gathering the details of our personal lives."

Scoffing you shield yourself with your arms over your chest.

"Oh dear husband. If you want to get personal do tell me where my family is?" It's an inside joke only Levi will be able to understand.

"If you call those people family your standards are disgustingly low."

"Maybe that explains why I settled for you."

Again, other's opinions are not at the forefront of your priority list. Regardless it's quite enjoyable pushing Levi further into a corner with that sentence. You see the internal struggle play out within him. Jaw clenched, hands balled together. He doesn't have an appropriate response

Jean bursts out unable to hold it in any longer, chest trembling with every quake of laughter that ripples through him you have to shove him with your elbow. For a Viscount his etiquette sure is nonexistent.

"My word, the two of you sound like..."

Levi stares at him most probably expecting something along the lines of "An old married couple."

But, no. It's nothing anyone in the room expects. That includes you.

"It's as if you're unhappy with each other..."

Not a noise is made after that. Jean isn't mistaken, your heart is miserable. You've never had many relationships to begin with, whether it be familial, romantic or platonic and for someone such as your husband to treat you the way he does - it feels futile having to navigate around the complexities. Even if he isn't really your husband it's disappointing to reflect on your marriage so suddenly.

Feeling your face droop a little you bite your bottom lip with your teeth. Hearing the truth from someone you barely expect to hear it from has an effect on you.

You're so caught up analyzing everything it takes you a minute to even register Levi grumbling and lunging forward pilfering the collar of Jean's shirt.

"Every day you prove to be more and more pathetic than I expect." Levi turns to look at you after that. His stare bores into you but he doesn't come off threatening, you assume his last remark is directed solely at Jean.

When he turns back only glaring at Jean now with even more tenacity than before. He's ready to snap but Erwin has clearly had enough of the unwanted altercation in his office.

"Enough. The both of you. This is most bothersome." At the Commander's orders Levi is silenced although it takes all of his resolve to do so.

Finally bothering you take a good look at Jean. He's calm in an incredibly out of character way.

Is this not the man who trembled in his boots the first time he and Levi came into contact? It's almost as if he seems pleased with himself for drawing out such a reaction from his Captain.

Erwin shuffles through stacks of paperwork on his desk. The man needs an assistant at this point. You doubt you could find anything in that haphazard pile. Edges of crumpled paper poke out uncomfortably and Erwin becomes increasingly annoyed when he can't locate what it is he's looking for.

Just as you're about to ask if he requires any assistance it seems he's found what he's been looking for, that's if his eyes are any indication of the relief he feels.

"This." He holds up the paper, all eyes in the room are trained on it. "Under normal circumstances would not have to become an option."

"But these aren't normal circumstances?" Jean's thoughtless question is irksome when the answer is so obviously staring him down in the face.

Nonetheless Erwin nods incapable of losing his cool over something so minor.

"Sign to confirm to my proposition."

The document he places onto the desk isn't what you imagine, you can practically feel the dread climb up your throat once you're done scanning it. Jean's full name placed right next to yours in bold lettering has your stomach lurching. You don't have to read the rest to understand the new circumstances you've landed into.

To make matters worse Erwin places two rings down right in front of the both of you.

A pot of boiling hot water is what you've been thrown in.

Are you supposed to be some sort of replacement for potatoes? What's Jean in this scenario? Carrots?

"It is troublesome to have the two of you put on an act to be involved with one another but I see it as our safest option." Erwin notices your parted lips and slacked jaw. "You need not worry this isn't a marriage contract, you're simply acting."

There's no path out of this pot, you and Jean will simply have to deal with the prospect of being boiled alive.

Ah, you forgot to mention who would act as the hot water but you're sure the suspect is obvious.

Even right now Levi's fury radiates off of him, it's unclear if he was given the details of the Commander's plan beforehand but if his furrowed brow and pursed lips are indicators of the truth he must have had no idea.

Your suspicions are confirmed to be correct once Levi reaches forward plucking the paper away, it just so happens he's snatched it away the very moment Jean leans in to get a closer look at it.

"I was never informed of this."

Erwin gives him a guarded smile. "Do you have any jurisdiction over what I think is best?" Is his freezing reply.

"Yes. When it concerns my wife and another man - Correction. I meant boy."

Jean's taken aback by the subtle jab and shamefacedly shoves his hands into his pockets.

You watch the scene go down with a perplexed look the entire time. Levi's frustration seems to be legitimate yet he has no logical reason for it to ever be present in the first place. Unless he has a plan which outperforms the one you've just been given he's doing this all for nothing.

"I assure you your wife is in safe hands so long as you stop interfering."

Levi's about to bark back until he catches your confusion. He's become aware of your tilted head and telling expression and only then does he silence himself permanently not before sighing deeply, muttering an expletive under his breath.

"I’ll sign it.” That seems to be Jean’s indirect way of asking what your choice will be.

“I... will too.” Is your hesitant reply.

Levi only becomes avoidant after that. Half way through Erwin explaining how you and Jean have to look believable Levi just ups and leaves without a word. Perhaps you've hurt his pride but for what he's done to you it's a small price to pay and so you do nothing to make amends. He has no reason to feel uncomfortable, you aren't really his wife, you're essentially strangers. Does he even know your favourite colour? Your favourite food? Your favourite pastime?

You doubt he does.

Jean and you are rather successful with your act. It feels pleasant having him brush your hair out of your face occasionally or lovingly place a hand on your forehead to check if you've come down with a fever. He laces his fingers with yours when others are around and when they aren't he lets the act go. It's satisfying having a cooperative partner.

Naturally Jean is still a tease, even now he makes the odd suggestive comment or two in passing but you can't say you hate it. In fact it excites you to think of a response that borders the edge of teasing and simple fun between friends.

The increasing openness between the two of you is enough for the cadets to deduce that he's most probably the noble man you wed in secrecy.

It's only been a few days since yours and Jean's newfound behaviour, thankfully you haven't been flooded with questions just yet. The higher ups sit nearby during breakfast, lunch and dinner keeping watch over the cadets. It leaves you able to eat and drink without having to handle the constant inquiring of your comrades.

However, you aren't as lucky today. A meeting's taking place and after yours and Jean's convincing act Erwin deems it safe enough to leave you unattended for a short while.

Of course it doesn't go according to plan because when you're involved when does anything ever go according to plan?

The cadets are flocked around your table at dinner as soon as they notice they've been left to their own devices. The opportunity to sit down without everyone invading your space is barely provided to you. Krista is sat to your right leaning into you rather animatedly, Annie has made herself at home sat across you which in itself is completely out of character and slightly unnerving, Annie never and you repeat never concerns herself with you.

"Why did you and Jean hide it?" Armin hovers over your shoulder as per usual. He can't be blamed for naturally being inquisitive and it does give you the opportunity to lay out the foundations of your plan. Now's your time to muster up one of your rehearsed responses.

"It would interfere with work." You respond immediately wanting to appear natural. Pondering on an answer for too long would raise suspicions.

Armin makes a sound of approval and shuffles into the seat next to Krista, that is until Ymir can be overheard telling him to move if he knows what's best for him.

"I have a question." Says a voice across the table, you don't have to look at the blonde parallel to you to know it's her.

For once Annie’s initiated a conversation with you, she’s not particularly great at keeping her intentions discreet. Maybe she doesn’t care if you can tell what she’s up to? But if that’s the case her plan isn’t all that foolproof, there's no way you're to let any details slip away.

Sharply inhaling waiting for what it is she has to say you find that her sentence never comes. Instead she shakes her head and murmurs a "Never mind.". You don't even have the time to ask her to stick around, she's already rose from her seat taking her unfinished plate of food with her, you let her go assuming she feels unwell.

"So how'd you two meet? Jean already told me earlier but I'd like to hear your side." Reiner's taken Annie's empty seat and his gaze is unwavering. The trap they've set up is a clever one. Surveying the hall for Bertholdt you know he has to be observing too. The two never operate alone.

You suddenly hate Reiner. For whatever reason he and his trio are endlessly obsessed with you, they've caught onto something that's for sure but you don't know what it is and now they've completely ensnared you with a backhanded trick. There's no way out of this, you have no idea what it is Jean said to Reiner, the chances of you providing the exact same answer are slim to none.

"My memory is really fuzzy, I don't think Jean gave off much of a first impression so I've forgot." Your horrible excuse doesn't fly by, everyone simultaneously narrows their eyes in disbelief. What you've said isn't convincing at all.

Husband and Wife yet you've forgot how the two of you met?

Fidgeting with the ring adorning your finger the cool metal isn't doing a great job at alleviating the pressure of the situation.

"Jean said the two of you hit it off almost instantly. Who's being dishonest?"

Reiner's either lying to catch you out or he's saying the God honest truth and right now all you can do is hope and pray for a miracle to sweep you off your feet. Mikasa and Jean still aren't within view. At this point you're hoping for Levi to save you, it doesn't matter how so long as you escape unscathed.

"Hey, I think we're just making her anxious with all the questions." Armin is quick to side with you, deep down you know he only does so due to the respect he holds for his Commander. You thank the Heaven's for Erwin's admirable smile and commendable leadership, it seems to be the only reason Armin believes you and Jean.

"Or she's lying." Reiner's resting his head in one of his palms, he's still boring holes right into your frame.

Your eye twitches, this is all unnecessary and uncalled for, whatever it is Reiner wants out of you it better be worthwhile.

He still eggs you on. "You walked out of the Captain's quarters. I saw you."

Standing up and leaning forward you plant your feet to the ground as firmly as you can you.

"And if she did what's it to you?"

Fighting the urge to sigh in relief you've never been happier to hear Jean's voice but something's off. His breathing sounds heavy - like he fought his way to get inside. Turning only then do you notice Mikasa standing by him. She looks equally as exhausted. There's been some sort of a struggle.

"You think it was funny getting Annie to guard the door?" He heaves and runs a frustrated hand through his hair.

"And you think hiding secrets from the rest of us is any better?" Reiner's adamant there's information that the both of you are hiding, he's not wrong but that doesn't change that he's challenging you unprovoked without a reasonable motive.

"We're hiding nothing." Unlike you Jean is sure of his words, he's confident speaking up and he seems to be able to pull off the role of a protective husband perfectly.

“I came out of the Captain’s quarters because he had access to hot water. He said I could use his shower. That’s all it was.”

Reiner quirks an eyebrow upwards and is pleased with your answer. God you’ve said something incriminating haven’t you? It's not incriminating per se but it's without doubt malleable and easy to twist.

“Jean, you were okay with your wife doing that at the dead of night?” Reiner's still leading the interrogation.

“I was the one who suggested it.”

“I don’t believe you’re a couple." If it were Reiner who said that you wouldn't care much, after all it's pretty clear he never believed it but to your displeasure it isn't him who's spoken. Ymir's lopsided grin is all knowing and you're beginning to lose your footing in this argument any second now if any more people start to side against you.

If Ymir disagrees that almost certainly means Krista has her qualms about you too, you've observed beforehand that Ymir tends to speak for Krista on occasion. This happens to be one of those times.

Krista timidly raises her hand and Ymir gives her an approving nod encouraging her to speak.

"I don't like the conflict going on but it is suspicious..."

"Why have I only ever seen you two hold hands?" She asks.

Ymir slings her arm over Krista's shoulder affectionately. "Yeah, I tell Krista I'll marry her every day of the week."

Mikasa mumbles something unintelligible, Ymir gives her a look of warning but Mikasa doesn't seem to care. Instead she repeats what she has to say loud and clear.

"Stick to only speaking when Krista is involved."

Krista holds Ymir by her arm so she doesn't get up, she knows how she gets when she's been provoked. Even if Krista has her suspicions it isn't worth Ymir gaining a permanent penalty point on her record.

Thankfully Armin cuts in. "There's no solid evidence to show they're lying and even if they are the Commander's most probably told them to. Don't you think there's a reason? Leave it be if that's the case. I trust him with our lives."

"We have a right to know." Annie's returned and insists to keep this back and forth going.

Just as you're about to fire back Jean takes a hold of your waist, you look down and seeing his large hands planted securely around your frame has your stomach bubbling with anticipation.

"What are you— "

And then he kisses you, he doesn't ask and instinctively your arms move to whack his chest but you stop yourself in time. You realize it's for the sake of your plan not falling through and so you gently place your hands on his shoulders attempting to ground yourself. It becomes increasingly difficult when you sink deeper into the kiss than you'd like to admit. Blood rushes to the tips of your ears and the thumping of your heartbeat makes it difficult to articulate any thoughts, all you really know is that you like this, whatever this is.

Jean's hands don't feel like they were made to rest against your back, they feel slightly out of place as if he's a key and you're an unmatched lock. In spite of that the circles he comfortingly rubs into the sides of your waist are appreciated, you almost forget you're in a room full of people until you're flooded by cold air.

You've been dragged off of Jean and something in the pit of your stomach has you wishing Levi isn't responsible for the interruption.

To your relief it's just Hange, they're glowing in mischief, the grin on their face shows they aren't mad. They might even find this entertaining.

"Well I be damned... maybe they weren't bluffing?" Connie's been persuaded by the looks of it and Krista's busy whispering to Ymir, you hear the faint sound of the word "Romantic" escape her lips, she's equally as convinced as Connie.

Hange smacks your back light-heartedly and looks to the door for a second. "We leave ya' both for a while and you decide to give everyone a show?"

Erwin's stood by the doorway with a humorous smile playing at his lips, Levi however is anything but amused, he glares at you with murderous eyes, he looks like he's ready to end your life then and there but you know he won't dare do so and for a second you feel braver than you ever have before. Without much thought you grab onto Jean's forearm.

"Me and my husband will get going now!" You allow your gaze to loiter when you get to Reiner. He grunts an apology and you're oh so tempted to ask him to repeat himself but you'd rather not instigate anything.

With that said and done you and Jean leave after giving the performance of your lives.

Slowly but gradually the sky outside becomes dark.

The will to sleep left your body long ago. It's by pure luck that you even manage to catch three hours of rest. Training is the only available distraction and dying out in battle isn't favourable by any means, your boredom may as well be used resourcefully - Strapping yourself up in your ODM gear is the best option.

A quarter way through your warm up you can sense a presence behind you, the leaves rustle and the wind feels noticeably quieter. You'd bother to turn around to see who's intruded but Levi's snuck close enough for you to be able to smell his perfume from where you're stood.

"Feel disrespected? Embarrassed even?" You jab at him knowing it'll rile him up, you don't face him not wanting to give him the pleasure of seeing your face.

"Watch your mouth." he warns sharply.

Rolling your eyes you go about your business, it stays that way for a few minutes. All the while Levi stares at you darting from tree to tree, his scrutinizing gaze scalding you repeatedly.

"Y/N!" He yells at the top of his lungs.

For some unknown reason you automatically stop and lower yourself to the ground

"I have something to tell you." Comes his tense follow up. A finger of his latches onto one of the leather straps on your back.

You can't believe he's still denying the undeniable.

"You can wait till tomorrow. I'll be going to bed."

Levi doesn't seem to care for your cold response and proceeds with no warning.

"I'm jealous." His voice shakes. The grip he has on your harness doesn't let up. With your back turned to him you're still somehow able to detect the very obvious crack of pain.

Levi, jealous?

Gritting your teeth together you feel deceived.

How much longer will you have to tolerate Levi's push and pull?

“May I ask, what he is to you, my love?”

Your breathing grows heavy, tensing up you're completely shocked by the term of endearment that falls from his lips. You haven't heard it for so long, Levi sounds eerily different.

You hate to admit it but a flicker of foolish hope lights in your chest.

"Levi why would you ask— "

"Why don't you call me Lev anymore?" He whispers sounding strangled. You can't take it anymore and hesitantly look his way.

His eyes are filled with tears "I'm sorry my love, I don't know what went wrong." you falter for a second not knowing what to think.

At that moment the flicker becomes a flame.

The man who stands right before you is meant to be dead, never to be seen again. By all accounts this should be impossible, but Lev has always been a fighter.

Bitterness stings your heart, the wounds you've collected are still fresh but despite your body's protests you don't flinch when he gently takes a hold of your wrist, bringing it closer to his mouth.

"Lev...? Is that really you...?" You ask desperately.

The warm kiss he presses against your pulse point provides you with the answer you've been longing for.

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asterjennifer · 2 years

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Hi Jenni!

This is gonna be kinda long so I completely understand if you ignore it. I'm just in need of some comfort from literally any of the rfa boys rn.

At the beginning of February I got in a snowboarding accident and fractured a vertebrae in my lower spine. Ever since then I've had to wear a tight brace (it looks like a bulky corset) to keep my spine straight at all times except for when i sleep. Ive had to adapt and change how to do everything. I cant even bend over to put on my shoes. Since I'm a full time student and working part-time it is really hard to get anything done. I'm not allowed to do any form of intense physical activity for another 2 months--that includes dancing (which i love to to do. Especially waltz) and even wearing a backpack. Then i can start physical therapy. It's really exhausting. Most of the time I am okay with it but there are moments when I'm alone that I break down because I'm scared life won't ever be the same.

Sorry for being dramatic lol. Honestly I'm not exaggerating at all. It kinda sucks. I totally understand if you ignore this tho. Don't worry. I love reading your work! :)

🎀 Oh no... I'm so sorry that happened to you, the handicap of that must be so draining. I wish you all the best! But to your request: It's beautiful you came to me! And since you're up for any of the boys... Why not all of them?~ 🎀

You're alright

Fandom: Mystic Messenger

Pairing: RFA & Reader

Category: Fluff

Warnings: X

Word count: 2376

Summary: You're not able to live on your own for a while after the accident.

They come for a visit to help you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

»Thanks again for helping me out under these circumstances... I'm honestly a bit ashamed to ask for help right now.« You admitted flustered, watching these many different faces which felt more than familiar roam around your living room without a care for the outside world. How did Jumin make time to accompany the rest of the RFA? And even more surprising he actually allowed the brown-haired assistant to come along despite the work on her plate. The constant noise of living's unusual for your place, regardless if you're having visitors or not.

There are six in total, it is inevitable that many things will be louder. Yoosung pressed both hands into his back as some of the steam from the kitchen managed to enter the living room, the smell already's going into your empty stomach. »Hey, what are friends for? We're just glad you get to recover, I was honestly worried to death once you told us about the accident!« He whined, reminding you of the sticker in the chatroom for which you earned some confused stares of people around who weren't aware you're just chatting with a bunch of idiots.

You smiled, knocking on the plaster and it sounded oddly hollow. »What can I do? That's what accidents are, they just happen.« You held back a giggle by the obvious defeat that crept over Yoosung's shoulders. »But that doesn't mean you didn't gave us an heart attack, darling.« Zen leaned over the couch, holding out a bottle of water, he'd been repeatedly giving you water whenever you finished the last cup, it's a scheme you've seen through a while ago, yet there's no reason to complain. Therefore, you accepted the bottle with a small thank you falling from your lips, followed by a slight shade of blush.

»I'm sorry, believe me. I didn't ask for it. It's frustrating me I can't do things myself..« Zen's bloody eyes widened an inch, an sympathetic smile crept over his lips when patting your head like a five years old. »It's fine, I get how annoying it can be to not get productive! It's hell for me, I tell you what.« He added in a pouting tone, making you shake your head amused. Jumin placed down the newspaper that rested in the letter box, it looked quite hilarious given he's still wearing his expensive suit when flickering through the many sheets of the news.

»But this is also due to the fact that you are a workaholic. And (N) is not in the extreme you are.« His smooth voice angered Zen immediately , you're able to feel the aura steaming off his attitude right away. » Yo Trust Fund Kid, don't call me worse when you can't even leave poor Jaehee out of your work for one day! She literally has to babysit you!« The actor countered sour, the assistant pushed the door to your garden, you turned your head as she seemed curious after her name's mentioned. »I'm sorry, did any of you call me?«

Y ou shook your head apologetic, sadly Jumin destroyed your hope with a few words. » Zen appears to see you as my personal babysitter, Assistant Kang.« The white haired actor growled loudly, rubbing away the headache that began to greet his brain. »Well, she's not a babysitter! Do you even listen to what I tell you? I said she has to play the role of one because you procrastinate on work.« Jaehee pushed her glasses back up, exchanging a knowing look with you. The bags underneath her eyes spoke walls for the truth that came with Zen's accusing, but this wasn't the time to fight over work, you figured.

»Hey, come on guys! Please don't fight, (N) needs rest.« Yoosung's bright voice echoed through the kitchen and for once, both men seemed to agree on something. You patted Zen's hand that's hanging over the back pillows. »I truly appreciate the help, okay? No fighting, I'm grateful for all your help.« There's a pretty red color that rushed over his cheeks, nodding as he mumbled incomprehensible sentences. Jumin's dark eyes looked back as the front door's opened. »We're back! And we were successful!«

Saeyoung chimed as he pushed the rest of the door with more force, the dramatic pose made you laugh without control. »God, when will you learn how to behave like a normal human being.« Saeran pulled up the plastic bag in his own hand by reflex, blueish eyes narrowed at his older brother before trying to slam the door shut. Saeyoung wasn't fast enough, though. It ended up hitting his body until he lost balance for a moment. »FU-« H e's cut short, however. Zen jumped back up afterwards, considering Saeyoung landed on the floor. »You good?«

He reached out the hand which the redhead with glasses took. »Yeah but man... Saeran~ Meanie.« The whining made Jumin hush, he tried to read the rest of the newspaper in peace. You hid the amusement behind the back of your hand because Saeran placed the bag down onto the table in front of you. »We talked to the woman at the pharmacy.« His rough voice started off explaining while pulling one box out after another. »She said an ointment would be good for the irritation in your wound. So we got you a mild one, we didn't know how well you take ointments.«

Saeyoung winked happily once he put the other bag onto the table as well. »Yup. And in case you feel like it..« He suddenly made drumroll sounds with his tongue, hands disappearing into the bag and coming back out holding your favorite sweets. »Tada~ Some calories to get that battered body back into shape.« Your heart warmed up by all the gestures, it's almost impossible not to tear up. They're really doing everything in their power to make you happy, how did you deserve such great friends?

Saeyoung started stacking the amount of sweets the twins brought and Saeran's frown went deeper with each product. »How many did you buy..!?« He hissed at his brother, who, after pulling out the tenth packing, shrugged his shoulders like he had no clue himself. »I don't know. Enough?« Zen blinked as he came back from the kitchen. »Jesus, did you rob the damn candy store??« That made Jumin huff, you're the only one who noticed the sound. Saeran rolled his eyes, it ran down Saeyoung's neck as they stayed stuck at his face in something he couldn't identify.

»I told you to get one or two. You bought ten, you idiot!« He yelled. »The soup is done, (N)! Huh?« Yoosung wore kitchen gloves as he came into the round, a confused shimmer came over his lilac eyes by the brothers' tension. You waved away the worries with your hand. »Thank you, Yoosung. That's really kind of you.« The student smiled wide by the appreciation. He put the bowl on top of a pillow, making sure you couldn't accidentally burn your hands in the process of eating. »I added some spices, I hope it's good for you. Zen tested it, but I'm no chief, so..«

The actor sat down at the couch as well, ignoring how Saeran pulled his brother by the hood and out of the room. »I thought it was good. You worry too much, buddy.« He half laughed, it send some shame over Yoosung , the way he fumbled with his fingers showed the nervousness perfectly. »I try, okay!? It's just not as easy. But why don't you try, (N)?« You let him sit beside you, picking up the spoon. From the smell alone, you'd say it's a soup you get at the restaurant. Yoosung did his best to improve in his cooking skills, and it surely payed off.

Jumin folded the newspaper, his gaze wandered over the room until it's stuck on the soup. »Is that one of the recipes of your household?« Zen lifted his hand in defeat, shaking his head since there's really nothing for him to add if he wished to keep his composure. You're close to spit out the first bite as Yoosung gasped offended. »What?! No! This is just plain chicken soup! Everyone knows it, it strengthens the immune system.« Jumin titled his head slightly while pulling out his phone.

»I see, I have never had one. I tell my chief to prepare one when I'm back home, it smells interesting.« Typical, really. Yoosung let his head fall forward, blonde hair even more chaotic than normally. »How can he not know about chicken soup...« He mumbled as if he's sad and Zen clicked his tongue behind his teeth. »Obviously because he's from another planet. That guy's no human.« The garden door interrupted the moment as Jaehee's having a smile plastered to her face. She came around the couch with both hands held up, there's a flower in the most beautiful purple shade you've ever seen.

And especially has never seen in your garden before. »I found this flower after watering the inside of the bush at the edge. It's very pretty, so I wanted to give it to you.« Her calm voice lingered inside your ears as you carefully took the gift. It felt wild, not bad though. »Whoa, it's beautiful.« Yoosung breathed the words circling around your head. Another warm feeling spread through your chest, you then held it back out to her. »Thank you very much, Jaehee . Can you please put it in a vase?«

She nodded, brushing off the rest dirt from the petals, yet Zen couldn't help but smirk as he cleared his throat to gain the assistant's attention. »And maybe clean your face, Jaehee . You're a bit dirty, haha.« The woman with brown eyes touched her cheek, indeed, there's dirt stuck to her skin. Her brows frowned up in shock. »You're right! Thank you Zen, how embarrassing. I take care of it.« The actor showed her a thumbs up as she left to both get a vase and clean herself. »By the way, Yoosung.« The blonde college student hummed, you showed him the empty bowl.

»It was very good ! I loved it.« H is eyes began to sparkle, giving your soul the same treatment. He appeared so genuinely happy, it's adorable. »Great! I'm glad if that's the case! I made a big pot full if you want more later. Let me-« After he took the bowl with up, he said he's going to take care of the dishes, to which Zen offered to join. Both left and you took the opportunity to breathe through. »Are you feeling better now, (N)?« Jumin brought you back into the moment, the calm stare gifted you time to find words.

»Yes, you guys help me immensely. I can't thank you enough.« You meant it from the bottom of your head, luckily, the CEO could tell by the soft features on your face, it made him smile satisfied. »It's nothing. We're not a group for no reason. Just recover and after that, you can go back and catch up at all the activities you have to abandon for the time being.« A nod's the only answer you could give, otherwise you'd start crying for sure. »...Got it?«

The demanding tone of Saeran came back down the stairs, he must've scolded Saeyoung for buying way too much sweets. »Don't give (N) a fucking sugar shock, moron.« He ignored the puppy glare of the older one, who sniffed fake tears. »You hurt me, bro! I just wanted to make (N) happy..« You stroked through your hair as they both reached the couch and Saeyoung decided to sit down near you. Saeran's eye twitched, you could make the motion out from the corner of your own. »You can, just don't be stupid.«

He put the food and medicines into their rightful bags, bringing one into the kitchen and the other in the designated dresser you've told him about. Saeyoung waited stiff until his twin's out of sight, only then he found the courage to exhale the tense air suffocating his lunges. »Phew... Man, he can be so scary..« Saeyoung pulled his collar correctly, a grin tugging on his lips as you giggled lightly. »Well, don't provoke him, God 707.« You wiggled your fingers playful and he dramatically slammed a hand to his chest, the other to his forehead.

»Ah~ I feel like Saeran's the God of edginess though.. How do I have a chance against the emo power?« Oh wow, you wheezed as it's unstoppable. Saeyoung cracked his fingers confidently as he whispered into your direction. »But between us, I always win! The defender of justice cannot accept defeat!« You agreed in a small voice. For a moment the silence dominated the air before the redhead put his index finger to the plaster. »How do you feel, by the way? Does it still hurt?«

Your eyes stare through the plaster, as long as you keep it down it's fine. »Not as much. I'm a bit sad I can't do anything right now.« You avoided the amber eyes of the older twin, surely he's showing something similar to pity, that's often Saeyoung's first reaction to things like these. He rubbed the injury, a gesture you didn't expect whatsoever. »Hey, I know it sucks. But you'll be back on your feet in no time! Don't worry, okay? We're here to help the RFA royalty~« The teasing tone had you hit his upper arm, yet it spurted him on to just chuckle.

» Haha, okay okay .. But I mean it. Don't break that pretty head. You're going to be okay, I promise on my godly powers!« Saeyoung flexed his muscles, which wasn't long given Saeran threw one of the wooden spoons at his head, scaring the older one to death. »How about you help? You bought this mountain of sweets, so take care of it.« Agreeing, Saeyoung brushed the dirt and shock off, wiggling his feet despite them being fine from the impact of the hit. You reached him the spoon.

»Thank you guys for being here with me. It means the world to me.« The redhead played with his glasses, a big smile glued to his already bright face. »Anytime (N). We're the RFA, what else would we do for our fellow powerhouse, haha .«

#mystic messenger #mm #saeran #jumin #Zen #yoosung #V #Jaehee #seven #Luciel #707 #fluff #comfort #happy stuff

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fairycosmos · 3 years

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i hate grief bc i've wanted to die my whole life and thinking about the person i lost never wanted to make me stay but now that they are the ones who died i'm angry as fuck every day and feel trapped but i know that if it had been me the one to die it would have been ok and i wouldnt even have worried about it/hurting ppl with my death. like every day i do H and get drunk and i dont care about dying you know? but i lost someone and it makes me angry that THEY didnt care. do you get what i mean?

i am really really sorry for your loss. yeah. i know what you mean, at least to an extent. everyone’s grief and suffering is unique to them and the relationship they had with the one who passed, but i can relate so much to being trapped and mad and out of my mind. i think a lot of people can. it seems like so many of us are walking around half disillusioned by this existence and half completely done with it because of the shit we’ve been through. every day i feel a form of anger (most of the time it is cold and numbing) when i think about how my sister died. i have gone round and round in my head about why she did the things she did. because even if it wasn’t fully preventable, it wasn’t cancer or a car crash or anything like that. when i found out what she had in her system. god. i can not explain to you what that moment was like. it fucking choked me. all i remember is i felt my heart beating somewhere in my head, and i was PISSED. i thought i was going to pass out. because it’s like you said - she didn’t care, and that was almost like proof. she went to sleep thinking nothing of anything. mindless. after weeks of lecturing her, after her constant presence in my life, all that time. after years of her fucking around w other drugs and finally finding stability only to slip for less than a month bc of some fucking man, only to lose her entire life to a mistake - it’s inexplicable. i can sit here and write to you about it but i still cant’t fathom it. how she didn’t give a fuck, or she couldn’t see the situation clearly enough to. and now i’m living this forever without her. now i have to take care of my mother alone. now i’ve lost my best friend. and she lost everything. she was a whole person, she would’ve had years left and she deserved to. and the only reason she didn’t is because she couldn’t fuckin accept how much she was worth, how much life was worth so she gambled w death. what i’m saying is i understand that in a way, maybe a selfish way, i don’t know - it almost feels mocking. because we’ll never know if they realize what they’ve done. after she died that’s all i could repeat out loud in the shower. i kept saying: you don’t know what you’ve done. idiot, stupid girl. shit like that. every time i tried to talk to her, it was a lecture. so yeah. it is very very normal to be pissed off and bitter dude. it is not easy or fair to be left behind. it’s all a normal part of grief. losing it entirely is the whole thing because honestly what else can you do.

i could be wrong but. unfortunately i think all of these emotions, in the context of you, stem from the fact that it is easier to care for others than it is to care about yourself. you’re not bothered about yourself dying because you don’t have the same love for yourself that you had for the one who passed. you don’t see yourself as important in that way. i don’t know what happened to make you feel like that. maybe whatever it was lead you to use drugs n alcohol to escape in the first place. maybe you think you not mattering is some sort of universal truth, but it’s not. it’s a belief you constructed either out of pain or as a trauma response that you’ve clung onto so much that you’ve convinced yourself it’s reality. it’s clear you’re going through an insurmountably difficult time, and i know words on a screen aren’t going to change that. i wont pretend to get it first hand. i just want you to know that the same way you wish your friend had realized the worth in their life before it was too late, that same anger born from frustration and sadness - that’s how a lot of people likely feel about you. and i know you don’t care about hurting them w your death because you don’t care about anything. your friend didn’t care, why should you, right? but that’s how the cycle perpetuates. and you’re the one who has to live with this all now, stuck here or not. try to periodically and consciously recognize how fucked up and permanent grief is. you don’t want to be the one to cause it. not really. not when you can see it for what it is and you have the option to prevent it. you are here no matter how much you wish not to be. you do deserve to find substantial peace, stability and good health while you still can. that’s non negotiable. even if it takes a fucking life time getting there.

i completely understand that it is all far easier said than done. that you have to be the one who is willing to reach out for help and to really stick w a plan but. i guess i just hope you know that the option will always be waiting for you when you are willing to seek it out. whether it’s through a hotline, rehab, your doctor, your friends and family, 2 hours without using or drinking. any step in the right direction is commendable. you are absolutely more resilient than you realize. more in general than you realize. you’ve had to deal with so much, just the most unimaginable things, and you’re still here. i know that’s because you feel you have no real choice in the matter, back to being trapped here. but nonetheless you’re making it. you can learn to treat yourself w the same regard that you treated your friend. you can learn to care about what happens to you. you can slowly make a home out of what you currently see as a jail. through talking, through implementing healthier coping mechanisms into your daily life, through building a support system, through confronting and processing how much it hurts, through finding the clarity that comes with progress. all the things your brain wants you to write off. addiction and mental illness are genuine health concerns that require long lasting therapy and treatment just like any other ailment. and maybe the point is to learn to live with them, rather than to cure them entirely. but they are not a death sentence (and that is a good thing), and they are not the entirety of you. you are just currently very overwhelmed by them, understandably so. excuse me if this is all sounds like naïve bullshit, but maybe some day you will be able to take some of it on board if you can’t right now. anyway, it sounds cliche as fuck, but every day that you’re alive you’re keeping your friend’s influence on this world alive too. you were shaped by them, in more ways than you realize. and they’re here in more ways than we realize too. not necessarily ghosts, at least imo. but just around. and in your head, in the universe. i am rooting for you so much and i hope you can accept that even if it all feels like lies, it’s ok to treat yourself w kindness. any attempt is good enough. sending a lot of love your way. please take care of yourself as much as possible. please consider your needs and your well being while you still have the choice to. sorry to go all 90s drug prevention ad on you btw, but u know me. i’m incapable of shutting up and minding my business abt this sort of thing lol

#tw drugs #tw addiction #tw death #tw overdose #tw suicide #anon

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reighlee-greaves · 4 years

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Snapped : Tom Hiddleston x Reader

So this is a collaboration between me and @just-the-hiddles who is responsible for half of the dialogue and the header image. I would like to thank @just-the-hiddles for giving me the idea for this x reader.

-Summary- Tom and the reader get into a heated argument about a photo that the paparazzi snapped of her and her ex Sebastian Stan. To apologise Tom enlists the help of Benedict.

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@just-the-hiddles

@confetti-its-an-imagine-blog

Masterlist

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Tom hadn't glanced at his phone that morning until well after his run. When he picked it up, he found himself bombarded with voice messages and texts. They all were about one thing. He clicked on one of the links to find a headline from the Daily Mail blaring out him: Hiddles Out, Seb In. Romance Rekindled.

Tom's face paled as he scrolled to find a grainy photo of you looking rather cozy with your ex, Sebastian Stan. Without another thought, Tom grabbed his keys and headed towards your place.

“Tom, what are you doing here our date isn’t until tomorrow?” you asked Tom.

Tom barged through the door, his face red. "Care to explain this?!" he yelled as he shoved his phone in your face.

“Tom I—“ you began only to be cut off by Tom’s frantic pacing.

“—I, I, I," he mocked. "You can't even come up with a plausible lie for why you were photographed with your ex."

“Ok, Tom if you calm down I can explain why I was with Seb in the first place.”

"Calm down!!? I will not fucking calm down! My phone is filled with messages and texts of condolences, of questions. You've humiliated me publicly and you tell me to calm down?!" Tom seethed. His hands flexed at his side, a death grip on his phone.

You took a step back, away from him.

“Tom I didn’t mean to humiliate you. I bumped into Sebastian, and he congratulated me on our relationship. Besides, what about that photo of you and your ex that I got tagged in on Twitter the other week?”

"That's completely different! We dated for six months. And that story was about her new project, not about me having an affair. You and Sebastian were together for three years! Three years! And in case you missed it, I am apparently out and he is in!"

“So you can be friends with your exes but I can’t be friends with mine?” Your voice trembled. You had never seen Tom so mad.

"That's not the point! The point is you didn't see the problem with being photographed with him and how it would affect me. Affects us. And if you don't see the problem with that, I'm not sure this relationship can work." Tom's shoulders slumped.

“I cannot believe that you just said that Thomas Hiddleston!” you yelled in frustration.

"I can't believe you would cheat on me. But here we are. Goodbye." Tom turned and left as quickly as he came.

Once the door slammed behind him, he only then allowed the tears to fall. As he walked down the sidewalk, with shaking hands, he punched in a familiar number.

"Ben? Can I come by? Yeah. It's about that. Thanks."

Ben steepled his fingers in front of his mouth as Tom stood huffing in front of him.

"If you are done with your tantrum, can I say something?"

“What?!” Tom snapped.

Ben leaned back at Tom's tone."Okay, first of all, there is no need to snap my head off. You called me. I am here to help you."

“I’m sorry Ben, I didn’t mean to snap at you.” Tom replied before sighing. “I’m just frustrated.”

"In more ways than one, I'm sure." Ben chuckled to himself.

"What I was trying to say before you turned into a small child was... exes are exes for a reason. She is a good person. I am sure there is a innocent explanation."

“Like what Ben, they just happened to bump into each other?” Tom questioned as he slumped further into Ben’s sofa.

"Perhaps. That does happen. You know how you sometimes just bump to your exes." Ben raised a knowing eyebrow. "The point is coincidences happen. And the paparazzi are ruthless. But you can't let them get inside your head."

“But it’s Sebastian Stan we’re talking about!” Tom crowed.“They were together for three years Ben, THREE YEARS! He was her first everything.”

"And you can be her last everything. But not if you don't pull your head out of arse and talk to the poor girl. Honestly, you are about to ruin the best thing in your life over a single photo."

“What do I say to her, Ben, I’ve already lost her.”

Benedict moved to sit next to Tom. He clapped his hand on Tom's knees. “Use all those big words you learned at Cambridge. Tell her you love her. Tell her you were a prized idiot for ever letting her get away. Tell her you will spend the rest of your days proving to her you are worthy of her love. Tell her she is your one.”

Tom sighed as he let Ben’s words sink in. “ Do you think you and Sophie could help me with that?”

Ben smiled. "I believe that can be arranged."

The Next Day

You awoke to a constant pounding against your front door. As you stumbled to the door, bathrobe wrapped around, you opened the door to find Sophie standing there, two coffees in hand.

"Get dressed, we're going shopping."

“Alright, alright, I’m coming hold on.” you groaned as she invited Sophie inside.

Sophie settled herself onto a kitchen chair, and slid one of the coffee cups in your direction. "Here, I got it how you like it."

“Thanks Soph, give me about twenty minutes and I’ll be ready.”

Sophie yelled after as you trot off to get ready. "I'll be waiting with bells on!"

Once you were out of sight, Sophie whipped out her phone and typed a message off to Ben.

Got her to agree to shopping. You should have several hours to get things ready. Don't fuck this up.

After an agonisingly slow twenty minutes you were ready. “Let’s go, Soph.”

"Took you long enough. I was about ready to make myself some lunch."

You shot daggers at Sophie.

"Now..." Sophie linked arms with you as both of you exited the house. "...what's new with you?"

“Oh nothing much, I bumped into Sebastian the other day and the paparazzi caught us. I think Tom’s mad at me even though we weren’t doing anything.” you explained.

"I didn't realize you and Seb were still close. How many years were you together again?" Sophie asked, acting stupid.

“We were together for three years, Soph. We still chat every so often but it means nothing. We’re friends now. But nothing more.” you replied.

Sebastian and you broke because of many things. Partially because of the long distance, and also the fact that you wanted to settle down and have a few children. Sebastian wanted to pursue his acting career longer before settling down with a wife and kids. He still wanted the life of a bachelor.

”Have you told Tom that? Or the reasons you and Sebastian broke up?"

“I tried to Sophie, but he stormed out of my house before I could. He didn’t even say goodbye.” you sighed.

"Try harder. He looks like he is made of marble, but his heart is as fragile as glass. He must care about you to have such a vehement reaction."

“I know, I know, but I have no idea how to tell him. It’s hard for me to express myself, you know?”

“For two such sensitive and dramatic people, the both of you are horrid at saying what you feel." Sophie taunted. "How about calling him up and saying 'I love you' and I want to be with you and only you?"

“That is the sort of thing you say in person.” you responded.

"Then what are we waiting for?" Sophie grabbed your arm and pulled you down the street off towards Tom's.

“Ben, has Sophie text you yet to see when she’s bringing you here?” Tom asked as he paced up and down his kitchen.

Benedict fished his phone out of his pocket. As he scrolled through his messages, his eyes widened. "They are on their way over right now."

“Shit!” mumbled a panicked Tom.

“How do I look? Do I look ok? Do I smell?” Tom asked a smirking Benedict.

Benedict picked at Tom's sweater, smoothing it out. "Like sex on a stick, mate." He gave Tom a wink.

“Ok, ok I can do this...” Tom whispered to himself as the doorbell rang. Tom whipped back around to Ben for a moment. "No, I can't! You answer the door." Tom shoved Benedict towards the foyer.

"Are you serious!?" Ben protested. "This is your house and if I answer the door, it will be even more awkward than it already is. So man up and answer the damn door!" Benedict pushed Tom hard causing him to stumble, falling against the front door.

"Is everyone alright in there?" Sophie's voice called out from the other side of the door.

“Just a moment!” Tom yelled back.

“Ok what do I say to her, do I say hi or hello or—“ Tom rambled only to get cut off by Ben.

"I swear to God man, if you don't open that door right now and let my wife and your girlfriend in right this second, I am telling this story at your wedding. Pull yourself together!" Ben hissed before disappearing to the kitchen.

“Ok I got this.” Tom said as he opened the door.

"About bloody time." Benedict muttered just out of sight.

"Tom!" Sophie greeted him with a warm hug. “Guess who I brought with me." She tugged you into view.

“Hello ladies.” Tom greeted the pair with a smile. "Please come on in.”

You shuffled in behind Sophie and gave Tom an awkward smile.

"So... Thomas," Sophie interjected. "Where is my impossible husband?"

“Ah, he’s in the kitchen.”

"Then I shall see myself that way." Sophie exited before giving time for either of you to protest.

“So Tom how are you?” you asked awkwardly as you stepped into the living room.

"I've been better." Tom commented as he followed you into the room. He offered you her favourite spot on the sofa which you took and he sat down in the chair across from her. "And you?"

“I’ve had better days. We need to talk about yesterday.”

"I'm sorry I overreacted.” Tom started in. “It's just that you were dating Sebastian for so long and this relationship is new. I worried about losing you." Tom reached out to grab your hand, giving it a slight squeeze. "And I care about you too much to have that happen."

“No I’m the one who should apologise, I didn’t tell you I bumped into Sebastian before you saw those photos.” You squeezed his hand back before continuing. “I care about you too, and I should have been upfront about everything at the start of our relationship. I guess I was scared of losing you too.”

Tom chuckled. "Sounds like both of us are just a bunch of sorry fools. Forgive me?" He looked at you with hopeful eyes.

“Of course I forgive you, will you forgive me too?”

Tom leaned over, his hand ran along the curve of your cheek. "Always, my love." He pressed his lips against hers for a moment.

Only to be interrupted by cheers from the kitchen.

Tom chuckled. "I believe we have an audience. Come out, you two!" He called out to Ben and Sophie.

“So now that that’s out of the way, what is that delicious smell?” you asked as you sniffed the air.

Benedict poked his head around the corner. "Steak frites. Your favourite."

Sophie snuck around the corner. "Now if you don't mind us, we need to get back to the babysitter. We'll show ourselves out."

Once Sophie and Ben left, you turned to Tom with your arm stretched out. “Come eat with me please?”

"With pleasure."

#tom hiddleston x you #tom hiddleston x reader #tom hiddelson #tom hiddelston imagine

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