#I need to distract myself from a pet death so what am I doing?
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𝘒𝘕𝘖𝘞𝘐𝘕𝘎 𝘠𝘖𝘜𝘙 𝘗𝘈𝘙𝘛𝘕𝘌𝘙 𝘞𝘌𝘓𝘓 𝘊𝘈𝘕 𝘗𝘖𝘛𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘐𝘈𝘓𝘓𝘠 𝘔𝘈𝘒𝘌 𝘞𝘙𝘐𝘛𝘐𝘕𝘎 𝘛𝘖𝘎𝘌𝘛𝘏𝘌𝘙 𝘈 𝘓𝘖𝘛 𝘌𝘈𝘚𝘐𝘌𝘙.
NAME : Panda
PRONOUNS : She / Her
PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION : Discord. While I can use tumblr dms, I most likely might miss them. Discord is the best form of communication for me.
NAME OF MUSE(S) : Primary muses are Caitlyn Kiramman & Ahri. Secondary are Mel Medarda & Aloy. Tertiary are Elora & Vi. By Request is Nidalee & Janna
EXPERIENCE / HOW LONG ( MONTHS / YEARS? ) : Holy shit, you want me to count that far back. You want me to tell you how old I really am!?! So, I started to roleplay when computers were pretty new to houses. YES! I was one of those kids that was graced by the first computers in houses! I think my first computer was a IMB one or something, but I started playing on a computer with internet back in 2000. My parents didn't have a lot of money so we couldn't get an earlier computer; this was a gift from a friend at church for me. It had Windows 98 I think or something. I don't know.
Anyway, got distracted, but when that came around, one of the first forums every I think that had roleplaying on the web was called Avidgamers. I played Pokemon as a self insert character. One liner diaster writer I was. So yeah, I've been roleplaying for about 23 years now, but in terms of writing, I have been writing stories since I was 9 years old, so that is about 26 years (I use to also write self insert stories in Sailor Moon or Pokemon or things like that XD). Anywho, I went on a tangent, anyone who reads this your amazing.
BEST EXPERIENCE : Oh man, I'm not sure. There are so many things that could be my best. I use to own forums before, I had some amazing partners. I miss them dearly and I hope they are doing amazing things now. Honestly, I think its just the level of growth I've had over the years. From going to being a self-insert writer who could only write a line or two, to now trying to expand my writing and doing more. To be more quality then quantity, but also meeting partners who absolutely challenge me to write better and be better. I want to be good for people, but there are those partners that absolutely push me to try even harder and be even better.
RP PET PEEVES / DEALBREAKERS : I'm not saying this is a pet peeve? but I typically stray away from one liners or massive purple prose writing that I don't understand what I'm reading. While I never deny anyone's choice of writing, these are the things I tend to stay away from because I personally cannot write them. I can't really say what my pet peeves are? I probably have some but I don't know of the top of my mind.
MUSE PREFERENCES FLUFF, ANGST OR SMUT : I am, hands down, an absolute fiend for angst. I know it might be overwhelming for some people but I really find it carthatic for myself? and have a double enjoyment of angst that turns to fluff. I like to call it Angsty Fluff, or Fluffy Angst. The bonding of two people in difficult moments whether that is fighting to survive death or helping someone through a rough period. Two people, bonding and encouraging each other is something I really enjoy to write. I also don't mind writing smut, I actually enjoy it but I do tend to write smut with people who I heavily plot with often.
PLOTS OR MEMES : Plots. While I post memes a lot, I do try to create a plot line to those memes too. I need some kidn of foundation. I am not looking for a written out script we have to follow to a T, that's not what I mean. What I am looking for is just like this idea to build around, maybe even talking about our muses connections and waht they are dealing with at the time. That kind of foundation and design really helps me feel more connected to our msues and the writing. I love memes, but I tend to only continue memes with people I plot with a lot.
LONG OR SHORT REPLIES : I love long threads. like you don't have to apologize for anything because I thrive on really long replies. I have had replies go up to 1.5k words, which absolutely thrills me. The shortest replies I can do is maybe 2 paragraphs. Any shorter then that, and I tend to loose interest and have to drop it.
BEST TIME TO WRITE : Honestly, no idea. I am far more productive at night my time (CST). I tend to stay up til 2 or 3am.
ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S) : Caitlyn is very much my muse, so much so we relate on many different levels. I understand her deeply and I'm very connected to her. As for my other muses, yes and now. But caitlyn, hands down, is almost like a part of me that I get to write fully.
➤ 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐃 𝐁𝐘 [ : ] @knifvd - Thank you dear ♡
➤ 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐆 [ : ] @shimmerbeasts, @hexcoremagician, @goldenfists, @futureforged, @goldusk, @gauntlets-shot, @blackrosesmatron, @angelicxlly, @dynaisms, @decidentia, @demacianhcart, @jynxd, @piltover-sharpshooter, @powdied, @ofspvrta, @undercity-prodigy, @torntruth, @tricoloredillusion, @realmyths, @weavertali, and anyone else who wants to.
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Deviant Thoughts
I filled this for an anonymous prompt on the KPTS kinkmeme.
“Kinn looks amazing in that suit.” God, could Big be any more absurd? Aim a little lower, buddy, because it ain’t happening.
“Big’s ass looks amazing in those pants.” Finally, some realism, and from Ken of all people.
“We’ve got five shipments coming in in the next few weeks. Going to have to be on top of that.” Nothing but work, work, work from Golden Boy Kinn.
“Those new recruits are basically useless. It’ll take weeks, possibly months, to get them anywhere near ready.” Well, that could be a good in, and from Chan of all people.
“We’re going to need to be careful with the Russians,” Don said.
Vegas could feel his temper starting to rise. He continued to scroll through each set of thoughts, trying to distract himself from the stupidity of that man.
“God, I want a nap.
“I am starving. They never give us anything real to eat.
“I could totally bludgeon that Italian dick with my bare hands. Just crack his skull open and spill his brains all over the floor.”
“Man, my shoulder hurts.”
Wait, what? Vegas backtracked for a minute. Who had thought about bludgeoning Don? He rescanned the thoughts, focusing on each face in turn. Finally, he found the one with the violence.
“Could he be any more conceited? I just want to make him beg and scream for mercy. I want to force him to beg for death. Stupid bastard.”
Was that Pete?!
Not sweet little, blushed when he was flirted with, Pete!
Vegas smirked. Oh, this was going to be fun.
He lingered after the meeting. Normally, he liked to mess with Kinn. Rile him up, fuck with his mind and then take his leave before he really explodes. However, Vegas followed Pete instead of following Kinn to his office to start messing with him.
He was walking back toward Khun’s floor, and Vegas knew that if he wanted to talk to Pete, he would have to get to him before Khun saw him. So, he jogged to catch up.
“Hey, Pete!”
Pete halted and eyed Vegas warily. Then he pasted on that fake smile he did so well.
“Can I help you, Khun Vegas?”
God, he wanted to mess with him so badly. Vegas smiled at him.
“I just wanted to see how you were, Pete. You seem to be a little frustrated and a little on edge.”
Pete’s eyes narrowed, and he looked at Vegas, really looked at him. Vegas knew that most of the main family considered him a pest. He was the eldest son of the minor family. Only good for torture and interrogation. Because of that, their eyes tended to just skim past him. Which was fine with Vegas. He liked flying under the radar. Occasionally, one of them would see him, for real, and then Vegas had them.
Like now, he knew that Pete was intrigued. He didn’t do it during conversations very often because it tended to confuse him, but he skimmed Pete’s thoughts.
“Why is he talking to me? I can barely control myself. If I could tear that expensive shirt off him and get away with it, I’d be all over him. I’d show him who’s really boss and leave my mark all over that lovely skin. Play with his nipples until he’s wet and helpless.”
“I’m fine, Khun Vegas.”
Vegas smirked and stepped a little closer, thrusting his chest forward. Pete’s eyes flicked to the nipples in question and back to Vegas’ face, but he didn’t back down.
“Shame, for a moment there, you almost seemed interesting.”
“Please, please leave. I don’t know how long I can stand this without making a huge mistake. God, he’s so beautiful. Those cheekbones and that smirk. I bet his cock is big. I bet it feels so good. I bet he makes all of Kinn’s twinks his pets. They’re probably putty in those strong, capable hands. If I could kill them all just to get a taste of him, I would.”
“Well, I’m not.”
Vegas smirked since Pete seemed to like it so much and turned around. “I’ll see you later, pet. Oh, sorry, I mean Pete.”
“Fuuuuck.”
Vegas made sure to put an extra bit of saunter into his hips as he walked away. He knew the pants were ridiculously tight and would show off absolutely everything. Vegas couldn’t wait until the next meeting.
“Okay, keep it cool. Just take deep breaths. You get through this meeting, and tomorrow’s your day off. You just need to not think about Vegas. Not about his gorgeous hands. Or his skill at torture. Or that large cock that would feel so good inside of you. It would fill every empty space and….no, stop, fuck. You moron, he’s the enemy.”
It was all Vegas could do to listen to the meeting. Whenever he tried to focus on what Kinn was saying, his mind would wander back to Pete’s thoughts. Vegas wasn’t sure what was causing Pete to have all of these thoughts, but he would have fun with it.
Today, he had dressed in his tightest pants and shirt. The shirt was a lacy, semi-translucent thing that stuck to his nipples. It was probably the sluttiest thing he owned, but he rarely wore it. Not enough people would appreciate the taunt and tease of barely seeing something. But Vegas had a feeling Pete would.
Kinn was blathering on about duty and some crap, so Vegas was free to let his mind wander over to his new favorite plaything.
“Oh, why is he wearing that shirt? His nipples, dear God, his nipples. How am I supposed to focus when they’re on display? How am I supposed to do my job when that pretty chest is right there for the taking? Stupid, slutty, Vegas.”
Oh, Vegas was a slut? Who was fantasizing about the enemy?
Vegas made sure to linger and then dropped his pen right in front of Pete. He watched as Pete’s eyes looked down his V-neck and smirked.
“He is right there, being a whore, and I can’t do anything? How is this fair? He has to be doing this on purpose. He has to be fucking with me. Stupid boy. I am going to bend him over this table if he doesn’t leave. Okay, take deep breaths. Don’t let anyone know how he makes you feel, least of all him.”
“Well, I’d love to stay and chat, but I have to be going. Don’t worry though, I’ll be back.”
“How has no one ever spanked him? How has no one turned him over their laps and paddled that misbehaving little ass until he apologized and begged for mercy? If I could get away with it, I’d force him to take hit after hit. I wouldn’t stop until he was a desperate, sobbing, helpless little mess.”
Vegas was forced to cross his legs to hide his slight hardness. Normally, he liked to do the spanking, but the very detailed image of him across Pete’s knees was turning him on so much he could hardly stand it.
Pete’s face never seemed to change during these little fantasies. He could be imagining forcing Vegas to take his cock for hours at a time, and his expression never lost that blank look.
Vegas was having the absolute best time fucking with Pete. Suddenly, the meetings he had spent so long dreading were the highlight of his day. He could also tell that Pete was starting to get suspicious of something. That suited Vegas just fine. He couldn’t wait to fuck with Pete even more. He had worn a suspiciously inconspicuous white t-shirt. Something that normally he wouldn’t be caught dead in. However, today was a special occasion, and this one would work the best. It was finally time to fulfill one of Pete’s regular fantasies.
Vegas had been waiting nearly a week and a half for a meeting to be held outside over by the sprinklers. He’d been planning it since he had heard Pete’s off-hand thought about seeing him soaking wet. It had taken some planning, but he knew exactly when the sprinklers would turn on.
It was easy to pretend he had just wandered off because he was nosy. It didn’t take any time to be in the middle of them when they went off. He made an excellent show of anger and upset. Playing at having not done it on purpose and being very put out. However, it was all worth it when he met Pete’s eyes and skimmed his thoughts.
“Why the fuck is he wet? He’s literally sopping wet. That shouldn’t be a real thing in life?! I am going to get him for this.”
“Okay, that’s it,” was all Vegas heard before being slammed face-first against a wall. A large hand pressed against the back of his neck, and another grabbed both of his hands, pinning them to the small of his back. He felt warm breath against his ear.
“I don’t know what you are or how you’re figuring out what I’m thinking, but I am done with having my thoughts read.”
Vegas squirmed in the hold and pressed his ass back against the hard cock. “Come on, Pete. You can’t tell me you don’t enjoy someone finally noticing you. That someone knows what and how you feel. The real you underneath all those fake smiles.”
Pete’s hand moved from the back of Vegas’ neck to the front, and he squeezed. “I knew it was something like that. It was all a little too convenient. The clothes, the flirting, you somehow ending up drenched in water. That was all too close to what I was thinking about.”
Vegas moaned as the hand tightened. His vision was starting to go blurry around the edges, and it was so turned on that he could barely think. The pressure just slightly let up, and he took a deep breath and coughed.
“I should hurt you for invading my privacy like that,” Pete muttered darkly.
“Then do it. Punish me for being bad, show me who’s boss. Or would you rather I be the one to take control instead? Would you rather it be me that takes and gives you nothing? Turn you into my helpless little pet.”
“No, I don’t think so.”
Pete started steering Vegas out of the building and toward his bike. He never let that tight grip go on Vegas’ neck, and Vegas never protested the rough treatment. He was really enjoying being thrown around like a ragdoll.
Pete pushed him toward the bike. “Drive, I’ll ride, and you’re going to take us to a nice hotel where no one knows who you are.”
Vegas grinned in delight and climbed onto the bike. Pete got behind him and put his arms around Vegas’ waist tightly.
“Better hurry. I’m starting to grow impatient.”
Vegas let out a shaky breath, and then they were speeding off.
The hotel was nice, but Pete had no issue letting Vegas put down his credit card. That staff didn’t even blink at Pete’s possessive grip on Vegas.
Pete took both keys from them and steered Vegas toward the elevator. Vegas tried not to squirm too much as he was walked over.
“In,” Pete ordered him.
Vegas complied, entering the hotel room. He thought of skimming Pete’s thoughts again just to get a glimpse of what the man had in store for him, but then he thought better of it. He wanted this to be a surprise, and he didn’t want to actually upset Pete. At least not when they were about to be naked together.
“Clothes off. Let’s see all of those things you’ve spent the last few weeks taunting me with. Maybe if you behave well enough, I’ll even let you top me. But I bet a slut like you likes getting fucked even more than to top.”
Vegas stripped out of his clothes quickly. He was way too turned on to try to turn it into a show. Pete inspected him with a careful eye, and Vegas bit back a whimper.
“Very nice. I can see why all of Kinn’s twink hookers thought you were worth risking their lives. I’m not them. You can’t skim my thoughts and get away with it. Speaking of which, tonight, if I catch you having a peak, I’m going to get up and leave you here, no matter what condition you’re in. Do you understand me?”
“Yes,” Vegas breathed out. “I understand.”
“I’m glad, on the bed, on your back, legs apart. I want you to hold still, but feel free to be loud if you want to.”
Vegas did as he was told. He laid down and spread his legs. Pete settled between them and looked down at Vegas. He inspected him for a moment and then bent over, placing his mouth on the body part that had been torturing him for weeks. Vegas moaned at the feeling of Pete’s teeth scraping against his right nipple but stayed still. Pete’s hand tweaked the left, and Vegas took several deep, shaky breaths in a row. Pete pulled back from him.
“Whore,” he muttered.
Pete was in no mood for a long, drawn-out prep, and he also wasn’t in the mood to be fingered. He had heard stories from a few of the prostitutes at Vegas’ best skill. Pete was determined to feel it in action. He adjusted his position on the bed so his ass was right in front of Vegas’ face.
“Go on then, show me your favorite skill. I’ve heard stories. If you do a good enough job, you’ll get to fuck me. If you don’t, well then, I guess you’re in for a long, lonely night.”
Vegas ate ass like he was in the ass-eating Olympics and determined to get gold. Pete could understand why all those men would throw away Kinn when they had Vegas doing this to them each night.
“Oh, you can be a good boy, can’t you? You can do as you’re told and please your partner, not just tease.”
Vegas moaned against Pete’s hole. Pete wanted to continue this treatment, but he was impatient for the next step. It had been a long, frustrating few weeks with Vegas constantly tormenting and turning him on. It was time to get what he was owed from the tease.
Pete pulled back, ignoring Vegas’ whines. He leaned over the bed and, retrieved the bag he had placed there earlier and removed a condom and a small packet of travel lube. Then he turned around so he was facing Vegas.
Vegas was looking at him up through his eyelashes, and Pete couldn’t resist. He slapped him across the face, delighting in the bloom of bruise on Vegas’ cheek.
“Pete,” he whined softly.
“I know, baby. Let me get you ready.” Pete rolled the condom onto Vegas, watching as he fought to keep still. Then he slicked him up with the lube. He didn’t care for any more prep and straddled Vegas’ hips.
“You want it?”
Vegas bit his lip and nodded.
“No, use your words Vegas. Tell me what you want.”
“Want to fuck you.”
Pete leaned over, feeling mean. “Yeah, that’s what you want?”
“Please, Pete, yes.”
“Alright then,” and Pete sunk down on his cock. Vegas threw his head back and moaned loudly. Pete moved until Vegas was all the way inside of him and then stopped. They were both panting, and Pete was reveling in the stretch and burn.
“I should’ve done this to you years ago. I should’ve bent you over a meeting table and fucked you. Had you fuck me. Put you into every imaginable position until we were so tangled in each other it could never come undone.”
Pete started to rock gently, and Vegas’ hands clenched in the bedsheets, not sure what he could do with them. Pete picked one of them up and guided it to his back.
“You can touch.”
Given permission, Vegas’ hands roamed all over his body. His front, his back, up and down his side, cataloging everything he found there. Pete found his rhythm and started riding Vegas. He was right about the big cock filling him up so well.
“Oh, you’re good. You feel so good inside me. I should keep you. Just not let you go back. Keep you tucked away in a house somewhere like you do with all of Kinn’s throwaways.”
Vegas’ hands dug in, and Pete tossed back his head, moaning in delight at the pleasure-pain contrast. He delighted in it.
Pete could feel his orgasm starting to rise, but he didn’t want to come before being filled up. That was his favorite part.
“Vegas?”
Vegas looked up at him.
“Will you come for me, sweet boy?”
Vegas whined, long and high, and Pete felt the warmth inside of him. He continued to ride Vegas, not letting him get away from the overstimulation.
Pete could tell that he wasn’t going to get there from just the fucking, so he guided one of Vegas’ hands to his cock. Vegas took the initiative and started stroking him. His other hand came up to play with Pete’s balls, which were hanging low and heavy.
“That’s it, baby. There you go, darling. Just like that.”
It was enough to get him over that edge, and when he clamped down during his orgasm, Vegas let out the most pathetic whimper Pete had ever heard in his entire life. Pete cooed condescendingly at him. He was starting to become oversensitive, so Pete gently lifted himself off Vegas and rolled over. He heard Vegas deal with the condom while he fetched a towel from the bathroom.
Pete cleaned both of them and then lay down on the bed.
“Come here, right now.”
Vegas blinked, looking a little vulnerable and then scooted closer. Pete placed a possessive arm around his waist and kissed his cheek.
“If you’re gone in the morning, I’m going to hunt you down. Do you believe me? You can peek if you don’t.”
Vegas looked up at him and leaned over for their first kiss. Pete met him and kissed him soundly.
“Yeah, I understand.”
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febuwhump 2024: day 22. "you weren't meant to be here" + @femslash-february bingo 2024 (dark edition): betrayal
series: untiles / rating: teen and up audiences
trigger/content warning: minor character death, implied past child abuse.
Suffice to say, I do not like being hundreds of kilometers away from solid ground. As safe as the station is, arguably safer than the ground, it’ll never be somewhere I want to be. But if Segal told to be here, I’ll be here, loosing my job is even more unpleasant than spending time on floating in a metal box in space.
At least, Fessender is here (she gets way too annoying if I date call her by her first name in any minimally professional setting). Which means that she’ll distract me by making me feel stupid with her endless rambling about whatever side project she’s working on.
“Davidson!” I hoped he wouldn’t be on her lab, Diana – I refuse to mentally refer to her as “Fessender” all the time – blinks at me like she didn’t expect me to be here. “Finally, took you long enough.”
“Well, sir, I can’t take a cab here,” he rolls his eyes, aware that I did take the first ship after he ordered me to come up here. “Why am I needed here?”
“Remember agent Doyle?” I nod. “She’s giving a presentation,” he points at Diana. “She’s going to need help with whatever they’re showing.”
“I mentioned a foot soldier,” she’s frowning at him, she sounds so soft and gentle that it’s almost easy to not notice that she’s upset.
“Pretty sure Davidson is more than capable to do whatever you need.”
She nods: “I understand.”
“Good!” He beans, I’m not sure how I got myself a ray of sunshine as my boss. He nods at her, that’s when he’d grab your shoulder and give you a nice and friendly squeeze. She froze the one time he did it, so he never tried again. “I’ll be going now, she can explain whatever’s going on.”
Even with how he doesn’t step too closer to her personal space, Diana only relaxes when he’s out of the room. We don’t talk about it, we don’t need to talk about it, I’ve met her parents.
“So…”
“You weren’t meant to be here.”
“And I thought you liked me,” I fall on the chair I always use, she’s still frowning, Cute. “What Doyle and You are doing?”
“Weapon’s presentation.”
“What am I supposed to do then?”
“Not be there. It’s a weapon for footsoldiers.”
“That doesn’t make much sense, babe.”
“Don’t- you’re not supposed to use pet names here.”
“And?” She gestures between us. “You know you’re supposed to stay quiet about it.”
“I know, I know, sorry. But really, can’t I help?”
“I guess I don’t have a choice, do I?” She sighs, defeated, and takes all my will power to not lean over the desk and kiss her all over her stupid cute face. “Go mingle around, I’ll check over the project with Doyle.”
“I know you, it’s already safe.”
“Yeah, I’d like to be double sure.”
That’s her way to all but kick me off her lab, she’s to nice to actually kick me out.
So I do go and mingle. As much as I might dislike staying up here, the regular agents are quite the pleasant people to be around. Half of them think Diana is the best person around, which makes them quite the approved people by me.
After a few hours of roaming the stupidly large space station, making small talk, one of the newer agents finds me and takes me to Diana’s lab.
Part of me really, really doesn’t like the way Doyle stands closer than every other person – except me. The rest of me isn’t pathetic and jealous and does like that she’s comfortable around someone else. Doyle’s sitting on the chair, reading something on the monitor in front of her, as Diana’s leaning over her shoulder and, I assume, commenting on what Doyle’s reading.
That’s her mentor, don’t be jealous. I clear my throat, Diana doesn’t jerk away like she probably would if there was something else going on in. Doyle looks up, acknowledges me and is back to what she has been reading.
“Everything alright?”
“Yes, yes,” Diana’s the normal amount of nervous she gets before any event where she has to interact with more than two people at once. She looks like she needs a hug – ok, she always looks like she needs a hug.
“What do you need me to do?”
“You’ll destroy a couple of dummies,” she nudges Doyle. “We’ll be late.” The agent nods and gets up. “Follow me.”
We do.
The room is packed with agents, from foot soldiers to high ranking agent, including Segal. He likes to sit among the other officials despite being the director. It’s an arena, it feels almost suffocating to be in the middle of it, dummies around me and Diana fussing over me and the weapon. It doesn’t look any different from regular shotguns, it’s incredibly heavier, like the other laser and light-based ones she designed before. That’s why they’re for guards that stay on one spot, snipers and such. More fitting me than foot soldiers.
The clock turns three in the afternoon, the arena’s light turn off.
What the fu- I hold the gun tighter, even if I’m not sure of its destruction power. The lights come back, dim and weak. Then there’s smoke. So. Much. Smoke. Thick, a sickening shade of green, smells foul, almost like rotting corpses. It seems to come from the ventilation system.
“Put the gun down,” the cold barrel of one presses against the back of my neck, Doyle’s voice is muffled. I obey on instinct.
People are coughing, it sounds wet and sick. Most of the smoke hover on the seats, the panicked agents are just shapes amidst the poisonous fog.
“What have you- what are you doing?” It’s hard to ask before I’m coughing. “Agent-”
“My job,” she grabs my shoulder to make me turn, the pain fills my chest and down my torso like liquid fire. She’s wearing a mask, I’ve seen Diana with one of those. Diana-
“What?”
“My job. The oh so called terrorists you’ve been fighting against,” her eyes are bright, I can almost see the twisted smirk on her. “The people that take in the agents harmed by your righteous agency. We’re weapons without a handler, you can say.”
There’s blood on my mouth: “I-” my knees hurt when they hit the metal floor.
“You weren’t meant to be here,” that’s not Doyle, I’m distracted by the pain just enough to not feel a second person approaching until the mask’ s pressed against my face. I grab the arm holding it in a desperate attempt to make it not go away. “I asked for a foot soldier.”
“Don’t whine, you did have an extra mask.”
Doyle’s the least important person on the room when Diana’s pressing the mask against my face, one on hers and her eyes shines in a shade of blue that looks haunting. Her other hand’s adjusting it on the back of my head.
“Diana…”
“I’m sorry,” all I can do is stare at her.
She looks apologetic, genuine, but also.. wrong.
“What have you done?”
“My job.”
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Song of the Sea: Chapter 34: Ocean's Lament
Chapter warnings: near death experience, child endangerment
Series Warning: explicit smut, alien anatomy (it's a monsterfucker fic, guys), major character injury, grief, canon typical violence, autistic meltdowns, and my terrible attempts at Mando'a
Previous Chapter:
Next chapter:
Shiani was definitely sure Phee was their friend now. Once they’d recovered from the horrifying scenario of an abused Zillo beast, she’d quietly called the pirate and asked if she needed any help. Their family needed the credits, and the distraction.
She’d been good for it though, and offered them a cut of her next adventure. It was a simple pickup, but she needed muscle in some seedy bar to get the artifact she was after. Apparently the guy who currently had it was well known for double-crosses, poisoning, and the like.
For now, Shiani was in the Marauder with Tech, watching him play a game while using Gonky for a table. She smiled, chin on her hand, as he made a move. “Isn’t that a 2 person game?”
“Yes. I am playing against myself. It is the only time this game is a challenge.” He said mildly, looking at her as she sat sideways in the pilot seat. He’d been letting her fly more, to cheer her up after how upset she’d been following the Zillo beast incident. It had been days of her staring into space and refusing to leave his side, and as much as Tech enjoyed being the center of her attention he didn’t like when she was upset. Shiani was bubbly and vivacious, full of laughter and questions. Silence didn’t suit her.
She made a face at him, but her eyes stayed soft. “I’m getting better at it.”
“You are. It now takes me an average of thirteen minutes to beat you. When you began, the average was three.”
Shiani kicked her feet, humming as she looked over at the workbench. Her armor was disassembled and halfway through repair, but Tech hadn’t wanted to be so engrossed in working on it that he missed the others calling for their pickup. He’d insisted she stay on the ship until it was repaired, even though Omega had gone with the others. “Tech? How come I didn’t go with everyone else?”
His eyes flicked back up to her, the furrow in his brow smoothing the longer he looked at her. “You already know the answer to that. Your armor is damaged.”
“But Omega went. She’s a kid, and doesn't even wear armor.”
Tech paused, considering her face. “When it was initially determined that you would remain with us, Hunter and I agreed I would take primary responsibility for you, while he took responsibility for Omega. As you can see, it has led to the very parental relationship Hunter has with Omega, and our marriage. I had the final decision on your participation in the mission, and I chose to have you remain here.”
“Even though you would be a better pilot?” She cocked her brow curiously.
“The last time you were out of my sight on a mission, you acquired the damage on that armor. I have not forgotten that.” He shook his head. “I do not think I will, any time soon. My preoccupation with learning all that I could about that Imperial research vessel delayed my return, and in that time you could have been killed.”
She wrapped a tentacle around his wrist. “But I wasn’t.”
“I would prefer you to remain close to me from now on.” He watched one of her suckers stick to the plate on the back of his hand. “Particularly during times of danger.”
She sighed. “I was thinking about that, before the Zillo. The danger.”
“Yes?” He frowned.
“What if we found somewhere to be? Without you being a soldier anymore? We could have a home and neighbors, and just… be a family. Watch Omega grow up… maybe get a pet. Omega says tookas are cute, but she thinks everything is cute…”
Tech smiled, his thoughtful expression returning. He wasn’t opposed to the idea, but he’d never considered truly settling down before. Even when he’d thought about the end of the war before the Empire, he’d expected that he’d still end up doing something military related and living on the move. The idea of waking up in the same spot every day, watching how it changed around him, was appealing. “That is not an unpleasant idea. But I would like to discuss a list of suitable pets. Omega and Wrecker will otherwise bring home some kind of large predator.”
Her eyes lit up with delight and she clapped her hands, swinging her legs around to sit upright. Tech chuckled as she leaned over Gonky, careful of the game pieces but still reaching for a kiss-
"Tech, we need a ride."
A faint groan curled in the back of Tech’s throat and he gave Shiani an apologetic look. "We are on the way."
She chuckled and dropped back into the pilot’s seat, getting them up off the ground and to the rendezvous point. “Well, I’m glad you like the idea anyway. Think Hunter will?”
“His prerogative has been trying to find safety for Omega.” He got up as they moved in for a landing, leaning over to give her the denied kiss from a moment before. “I will be right back.”
Shiani grinned, holding the ship steady and opening the ramp for him as he posted up at the door and provided cover fire for the rest of the family and Phee. They darted aboard with smoke bomb debris clinging to them. “Secure!” Hunter yelled.
“Copy.” She grinned, shutting the ramp and taking off to avoid pursuit.
Once they hit hyperspace, Omega ran over to Shiani and Tech to fill them in on the mission. They’d avoided being poisoned and killed a kohoun. Shiani grinned at the story, wiggling in her seat. “Aww, I could have eaten that.”
“They are toxic, my dear.” Tech shook his head with a wry smile. “And I thought we had agreed you would not eat insects. I still find it objectionable to kiss you afterwards.”
She scrunched her nose and nodded. “Fine. Did you get the artifact?”
Phee nodded, holding up a tree-shaped statue. “Sure did. Omega here did great.”
“Training is coming along well.” Hunter nodded, patting the girl’s shoulder.
Phee eyed him. “She still needs to learn things besides being a soldier, and to have some friends her own age that aren’t her brothers.”
“I do not see the issue.” Tech raised an eyebrow.
Shiani leaned in, listening curiously to Phee. If she had an answer for them…
"We are getting a message from Cid…" Tech’s attention was caught by the ship holo, and he clearly didn’t like what he saw.
“Just a recording. Not live.” Shiani clarified to Hunter, who sighed and walked over to the back of her chair.
“Put it through. I’m predicting threats.”
The thrandoshan looked angry on the holo, eyes narrowed and fists clenched. "Twenty rotations without a peep. You guys better be dead, since I've lost out on a lot of scores in your absence. Don't forget our mutually beneficial relationship, or how well we know each other. You'd better believe I'm doing more than threatening you boys."
Shiani knew it was just a recording, but hissed at it anyway. “She thinks that’ll make us wanna come back?”
"I didn't know you guys cut ties with Cid." Phee frowned.
"That mutually beneficial relationship wasn't so beneficial mutually." Hunter sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “And I’m pretty sure if I take Shiani back to Ord Mantell, she’s gonna just bite her.”
Phee looked concerned, but patted Shiani’s shoulder. "I've known Cid a long time. She's a good ally, but a dangerous enemy to have. What's your plan?"
Shiani hesitated before speaking up. “A home, Phee. Somewhere safe, where Omega can grow up. We can’t do this forever.”
Hunter nodded immediately, remembering her comment of leaving behind a legacy of broken parts and broken bones. She’d been right, Omega deserved better.
Phee grinned. “I might have an idea, then. Here, make for these coordinates.”
“Where are we going?” Shiani programmed the navi-computer as soon as Hunter gave her a nod.
"You’ll see. I think you’ll like it.” She patted Shiani’s shoulder.
“Welcome to Pabu.” Phee grinned as the Havoc Marauder broke atmosphere on a pretty blue planet. There was one jutting landmass, a spiraling island plateau covered in green. “Land up top, I’ll show you around.”
“It’s beautiful.” Omega cooed, eyes wide, as Shiani set the ship down delicately in front of a tower-shaped building. “What’s that?”
“It’s the Archium. That’s where the artifacts go.” Phee ruffled her hair, and led the Batch out into the sunlight once the ramp opened.
"My calculations indicate that the artifact you recovered is worth very little monetary value." Tech looked up from scanning the statue in her hand.
"There are different kinds of treasure. Many people on Pabu are refugees. These artifacts are parts of their culture, worth preserving."
Shiani’s eyes sparkled. “Like the datacore on Serenno.”
Tech nodded, and Omega beamed as she spotted a girl about her age running towards them. "Auntie Phee!" The girl was adorable, dark skinned with beautiful and expressive eyes, with a large man behind her.
Phee knelt to give the girl a hug, gesturing to the man first. "This is the mayor of Pabu, Shep Hazard. And his daughter Lyana."
Lyana beamed and went straight to Omega to introduce herself while Shep came and held out a large hand to shake theirs. “Welcome to Pabu. It’s nice to meet you.”
“This is Hunter, Wrecker, Tech, and Shiani.” Phee laughed, patting each of them on the shoulder as she said their names. “The little one is Omega.”
“She’s their sister.” Shiani explained, before pointing to Tech. “I’m his wife.”
"Phee has never brought friends home before." Shep looked at the siren with a kind smile, and she brightened when he didn’t so much as flinch at her claws when he shook her hand.
"She must really like you guys." Lyana whispered loudly.
"That's enough out of you." Phee ruffled her hair, giving the group a grin. “But yeah. I do like them.”
Shep nodded, giving them another welcoming smile. "Please, join us for dinner.”
Hunter nodded agreeably, looking around at the politely waving townspeople. They all seemed as nice as the Hazard family, and it seemed almost wild to him how quickly they were all accepted as the strangers went about their business. He was used to squinting suspicion from the regs on Kamino, or nervousness as a squad of armored soldiers moved. Even Shiani, who was forever getting side eyed, was greeted with nothing but smiles and waves.
"Your people are refugees?" Hunter finally asked cautiously, and it dawned on him that they were likely not the first family to arrive carrying weapons and trauma on their backs.
"Many are. But they're safe here. Many come to start new lives, and as a father there's no better place to raise a child." Shep looked from Omega to Hunter pointedly. Shiani did her best not to giggle as the man picked up on who was the parent immediately.
She slipped her hand into Tech’s. “Nobody looks scared of us here.” She whispered. “I like it.”
“It is quite nice, yes.” Tech nodded, tightening his fingers over hers. Squish squish squish. He hoped the idyllic setting didn’t turn out to be disappointing. She looked so happy.
Shep led them to a large banquet table set up on his home’s balcony, looking out over the ocean and the spectacular views of Upper and Lower Pabu. The label was laden with food, more than even a group of Wreckers could have eaten, and all of it looked delicious. Shiani’s eyes got big at the different types of fish and fruit, her blue tongue poking past her lips. “Wow…”
“Make yourself at home, and have as much as you like.” Shep smiled, sitting down with them and passing serving dishes around.
A greenish primate hopped onto Shiani’s shoulder as she took a bite of a blue fruit she didn’t recognize but thought smelled amazing. “Hello, creature.” She cocked her head to the side and broke off a piece of her food to share.
“You’re not going to try to eat it?” Wrecker teased.
“No. Got plenty of food, I don’t need to eat this… whatever you are, you are cute.” Shiani blinked as the critter examined her head tresses and poked at the metal bands.
"They're called moon-yos. The elders say they've been here since before Pabu was inhabited." Lyana smiled, giving one a piece of her own fruit. “They’re friendly.”
The one on Shiani climbed down and went to Omega, cuddling up to her as it climbed her shoulders. She laughed out loud, and all of the family turned to look at her with soft expressions. She hadn’t sounded so relaxed and childlike in a while… far too long, in their collective opinion.
Tech slipped his arm over Shiani and said exactly what they were all thinking. "I have not heard her laugh like that for a long time."
“Baby Mega’s happy.” She tucked her head against his shoulder. “No Empire.”
Phee was telling her newest stories to Shep while they ate. Hunter chimed in here and there with his own experience, the spokesperson for the Batch to sum up what they’d been through. Shiani kept looking around at the beautiful island, taking in the sinking sun and all the green plants. She overheard Shep mention that the Empire wouldn't have much use of the planet due to limited resources, and that many people came to Pabu to start over… it sounded nice. To wipe the slate clean, forget everything and begin again somewhere this beautiful.
“I’m… full.” Wrecker finally said. “I’m never full.”
“I will make a notation to mark this momentous occasion.” Tech smiled, pulling out his datapad to mark the calender.
Lyana grinned at Omega. “Have you ever been on a boat? On the water, not a starship.”
"No. Do you have your own boat?" Omega was giggling still, holding a flower crown Lyana had made her.
"Yeah. Let's take it out to watch the sunset." Lyana offered her a hand with a broad grin. “We won’t go too far.”
"Hunter, can I go?" Omega turned around, leaning over the edge of the table to all but beg.
For a moment, Hunter’s instincts said to tell her no. But then the realization that this was the safest place either of them had ever been dawned on him. She could be more independent here, without a threat breathing down her neck. "Have fun." He nodded with a roll of his shoulders.
She squeaked with delight and have him a hug before running off hand in hand with Lyana.
Phee tapped Tech on the shoulder subtly. “Hey. Go take her over there and watch. You won’t want to miss this.” She whispered, pointing to a corner of the balcony facing the setting sun. Tech glanced over, noticing strings of lanterns hung from streetside poles down the side of the walking paths, and nodded. Phee knew how much Shiani loved lights, and was wingmanning for him. She was a great friend. “Cyar’ika, come here a moment.”
Shiani followed obediently, letting him draw her to her feet and walk over to look out over the island. It was a perfect, golden sunset that shimmered over the water like molten gold. When she looked over at Tech, the sun struck his eyes at the perfect angle to light them up. Brown eyes were gorgeous in the sun, striations of amber and mahogany radiating like a miniature sunburst of their own, contained behind those yellow-tinted goggles.
He noticed her gaze on him as the last rays of dying sunlight started to vanish, and in the purple of twilight the lanterns started to come on. “The view you are looking for is this way.” He chuckled, gently catching her chin and turning so she could watch the lights come on.
Shiani gasped as the paper-lantern like coverings glowed, cozy and wholesome, and wrapped her arms around his middle to snuggle to his side. “It’s beautiful, Tech.” Her eyes drifted back up to him. “I still think you’re the better view, though.”
Tech’s fingers still lingered on her soft jawline, and he couldn’t resist the urge to pull her closer and kiss her softly. Shiani hummed into it, slowly pushing his googles up so she could cradle his entire face in both hands without bumping into them. They stood there, suspended in the almost fairy-tale quality of the moment with the fireflies and lanterns, lips moving languidly against each other like they had all the time in the galaxy.
Here, it felt like they did. There was no danger, for once. There was nothing rushing or demanding of them, it was just peace. Shiani couldn’t remember how long it had been since she’d felt it… Tech wasn’t sure he ever had.
“I like this place.” She breathed when they broke apart, smiling when his hand pressed on the small of her back to bring her a little closer.
“I concur.” Tech smiled. “I would not be opposed to staying. Permanently.”
She nodded eagerly, wrapping her arms around his neck. “We can talk to Hunter in a min-” With a deep rumble, the island shook like a beast waking from a nap. People walking the footpaths let out gasps and cries, while the homes rattled and the pretty lanterns swung dangerously overhead.
"Something's coming." Hunter stood up from the table, senses on overdrive. "That wasn't just a tremor."
Tech turned around, grip tight on Shiani as he pulled out his datapad to consult it. “Mayor, I believe this island is in significant danger of a sea surge."
"We haven't had a sea surge in three decades." Shep blanched.
Shiani frowned, looking back over the railing. The water was running from the shore, a phenomenon she’d seen more than once in the shadow of Tipoca City. “When the water runs away like that, it’s not escaping. It’s winding up to kick you very hard somewhere that hurts.”
"The early warning system-" Shep didn’t even finish the sentence before the siren wailed, and Shaini’s ears pinned back at the sound.
"Baby Mega and Baby Lyana are on a boat. The water will throw it into the island." Shiani’s eyes widened and she looked at Hunter, stomach dropping to her boots with sudden horrifying realization. “They’ll be killed, along with anyone below the tidal line.” She’d seen sea surges before, and the massive damage they did to Tipoca. More than once, the bodies of clones and longnecks had come drifting down into the sliver of territory she inhabited.
Hunter nodded. “Tech, take Shiani and Wrecker and start evacuating Lower Pabu. I’ll get the girls.”
They split up, Hunter heading for the ship while the rest of them started knocking on doors and urging people to head for higher ground. Phee ran up as Tech looked anxiously at Shiani. “This is taking too long. Many citizens will not make it in time.”
“We can deploy the rescue ladders.” Phee pointed up to a ledge above them, a barely visible bit of metal showing under the battlements. “The mechanism is up there.”
Tech nodded, pulling out a dart line and held up his arm. Shiani wrapped herself around him immediately and he secured an arm around her waist, launching them up the wall on the line. “Hold on.”
Phee watched them, whistling slightly at the seamless way they moved into each other…. They were cute. If no one drowned, she’d be sure to tell them.
Shiani and Tech hopped over the wall and quickly started working at the mechanism that secured the rescue ladders. “It is rusted.”
Shiani nodded, grabbing her screwdriver from her hip bag. “Manual release. You start over there, meet in the middle.”
The two of them worked at it as fast as possible, snatching the rusty levers into position one by one and sending the ladders tumbling down to the population below. People started climbing immediately, helping each other to safety. Shiani and Tech were joined at the top, offering hands and tentacles down to pull up people climbing. The wall of water was in sight, coming towards them like a sucker punch from nature, just as both of them yanked Wrecker up to salvation and he turned to grab Shep.
Shiani looked around at the worried faces gathered around, glancing up as she spotted the lights of the Havoc Marauder heading back towards them. “Is everyone alright?” Wrecker called out, booming voice carrying.
People nodded, some clinging to each other and sniffling but alive and unharmed.
Shep sighed with relief as he determined they had miraculously not managed to lose anyone. “Property can be replaced…”
Tech nodded, looking up as Hunter landed their ship, and both Omega and Lyana came running out. Wrecker gave them a tight hug and walked them to the large tree in the middle of the square to rest.
Shiani walked through the groups of refugees, listening to them talk and introduce themselves. Whenever someone looked stressed enough to cry, she knelt and sang softly. It didn’t take long for her to be noticed and people started bringing her their most shaken relatives. Tech couldn’t help but smile when, as a he handed an elderly woman a shock blanket from the ship, he spotted her sitting on the ground with a group of Pabu’s citizens with them all wiping their tears and smiling for the singing siren.
He touched Hunter’s arm lightly. “She fits in quite well, don’t you think?”
Hunter nodded, glancing at where Wrecker had fallen asleep with the girls using him a pillow.
"Thankfully, no one was hurt. My people are resilient, we'll rebuild." Shep clapped the sergeant on his arm.
“It will likely take many rotations to rebuild most of Lower Pabu. Most of the homes there were destroyed.” Tech pointed out.
"We could stay and help. If you don't mind us sticking around." Hunter looked at Shep thoughtfully.
"You would be most welcome." Shep glanced at Shiani again, smiling as she picked up a crying toddler in her tentacles and waved them in the air gently, singing until the tears turned into laughter. “And after the rebuilding too.”
Tech walked over to his bride as she returned the much happier little one to his mother. The sun was starting to rise, and the newly gold light spread blush tones over her purple skin. She cocked her head to the side and carefully extracted herself from the pile of cuddles she was getting for her impromptu concert. “Everything okay, Tech?”
“Better than okay, cyar’ika.” He pulled her to him, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “We will be staying, after all.”
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cw/tw pet death
one of our cats is dying and needs to be put down in the morning and I am so distracted from even just being able to grieve because like
I like in basically two rooms in our house that can be dark enough so that I don't get overwhelmed by the light, and the kitties can't get in because leaving the doors open, especially when sleeping, it's a sensory nightmare. so I asked my mom over a year (possibly twi? ik it was more than a year and a half) ago if we could get kitty doors in the doors. and every month or two since then. no kitty doors. I asked her in large part because I knew I didn't have forever with them and I wanted to let them in so I could spend time with them, as I have spent virtually none in the last four or five years. no kitty doors. she kept saying she would. and now that chance is fucking passed for this entire little being. this kitty and I don't get another chance.
I'm so fucking livid and scared because it feels like no matter what I do no matter how I ask or how often important things never happen and I'm just never going to see people or anything I love before they die. for no reason. and that nothing is ever going to happen unless I do it myself, and it is so hard to stop myself from trying when I can't do stuff because it hurts me but it feels like the only way anything will ever happen (this has happened multiple times with health things where numerous doctors never figured something out until I googled it or saw a comment on instagram or something that put it together and brought it to them on a silver platter. it's a mindfuck because some of that stuff could have killed me so the feeling is uuh. very not good and very intense)
I'm sorry tinky (her name is Tink). I'm sorry I wasn't healthier for you and couldn't work it out myself. I'm sorry I wasn't a better advocate for you and that I couldn't love you in person as much as I love you from here. I couldn't have but still. I'm sorry. and I'm sorry my mom let us down like that. I feel so fucking helpless to help you or anyone else.
I feel so utterly powerless rn and like I should just say bye to everyone I love because they're just going to die and I'm never going to be given the oppurtunity to say hi or even bye because my mom is gonna forget, or get distracted, or not bother, no matter how many times I ask her or how I ask her, no matter if I cry while doing so. We were so close to actually getting a door too after years of asking begging offering to help in any way that I can. I'm so angry and scared rn.
I'm also terrified bc what if the same thing happens to our other kitty. they are sisters they are the same age and I've been terrified of that. I'm closer to the other kitty, picked her out myself when she was a kitten from a shelter few and I want to squeeze her close to me and never let her go and I can't even let her in to comfort her. I'm so mad.
I just wish it wasn't so obviously preventable. so obviously something that could have gone differently if my mom had just bothered to do so sooner. She gets to sleep with them every night. gets to see them and socialise with them every day, and yet she couldn't bother to arrange me being able to see them despite me begging her periodically for over a fucking year. I wish I didn't have to deal with THAT hurt and break of trust as well as my grief. the only thing that's stopping me from screaming at her is that it would wake my brother, and she was his more than anyone else's. he picked her out from the shelter almost a decade ago. and she would hear it and I don't want her to have her last night here be awful.
I'm so tired of my fucking parents. I'm so tired of them adding to existing issues and causing entirely new ones. I'm so exhausted and crying makes me sicker but I can't just not. I wish it didn't and I didn't have to be afraid of simply crying.
The amount of times I have only been able to just lay here feeling like shit and wishing they could lay here with me. they liked doing that. and now I'll never get the chance with her again. angry
I feel so fucking empty.
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Fanfiction: A Perfect Pet
Summary: Lance discovers something he’s not supposed to inside Lotor’s palace. And to make sure thousands of years of planning don’t go to waste Lotor has two options: kill Lance or imprison him. Hindsight is a terrible thing so Lotor opts for imprisonment, but throwing Lance into a cell isn’t all that fun. Making Lance his pet though… that idea has merit.
Story snippet: “The collar paralyzes the vocal cords so speech is already nearly impossible,” Lotor’s voice cut through the timpani starting to build in Lance’s ears, “but any attempts to bypass it shall result in a correction as you have just witnessed, as well any attempts to physically strike me. For that though, I do use the word attempt to describe your actions as we both know you are not actually capable of such.”
Lance’s heart roared in his ears.
What was…?
How was…?
Why?
Why was Lotor doing this?
“Your voice, Lance,” Lotor continued, “is one of the things I find most grating in this universe, and I am finally in a position where something can be done about it. That said,” he leaned forward, hands clasped atop his raised knee and leash clinking gently, “I do not consider myself a cruel person as I know you have questions and given your current state you are unable to ask. I shall thus provide. Just,” Lotor’s smile grew, “as I shall be your sole provider of care for the rest of your pathetic little life.”
Lotor sat back, idly twirling the leash around his finger.
Lance, even if he’d been able to, would not interrupt as this…
This might be the only answers he got.
Although what he thought he would do with them… he didn’t know. But, but stalling was good. Hunk and Pidge would notice him missing eventually and it’s not like they’d leave the palace without him.
Although…
Although then what was Lotor’s plan here? Lance wasn’t just going to forget what he saw.
…was he?
“Your nosy behavior has endangered thousands of years worth of research that is in its final stages,” Lotor began to speak, “and I will not allow anything or anyone stop me from seeing it through. Thus, you must be silenced. It would be far easier to kill you of course,” and Lance tensed the barest bit and Lotor let out a soft laugh, “but the universe has this delightfully terrible habit of hindsight and given your role, no matter how pitiful, in Voltron it makes the most sense, for now, to keep you alive in the event I have further use for you. I could have thrown you easily into a cell and left you to rot but,” his grin widened, “where is the fun in that?”
“However,” Lotor’s eyes glimmered, “for the ease of such an undertaking and to prevent any further distractions or nosy Paladins,” he grimaced slightly, “you are believed to be dead. A truly tragic accident involving yourself attempting to pilot one of my newly designed ships and unknowingly entering into a training simulation my troops were conducting. So many witnesses, Lance, watching you blow yourself to smithereens and while it sets my plans back a bit as Voltron grieves for your untimely death, it will right itself momentarily.”
Lance’s pulse thundered.
Lotor had…
Staged his death?
Everyone thought he was dead?
They, they thought…
Dios, they really thought…?
And…
His eyes widened with horror.
And if they truly thought that then that meant…
It meant no one was looking for him.
No one would ever be looking for him.
He, he had to—
He didn’t even make it to one knee, body moving on autopilot that he needed to go, before the shock was activating and he was crashing back down, silent scream locked in his throat and chest seizing.
“Lance, Lance, Lance,” Lotor shook his head as the shock faded, “I know you are far from the smartest person, but even you cannot be so stupid to believe you are capable of doing anything of actual value let alone escape from me.”
#voltron#vld#Lance#langst#slave#lotor#manipulative lotor#fanfiction#fanfic#icypanther#icypantherwrites#people treated as pets#emotional angst#manipulation#emotional whump#not a happy ending
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Can I get your opinion on my cat Stanley? He died a week ago I think, not even a year old. It really traumatized me bc my other cat died almost a year ago and I don't know what I did to deserve it of either of them. Stanley was named that bc he loved drinking water from a faucet and it reminded my siblings of the movie Holes, the scene where Mr Sir is like "Thirsty, Stanley?"
I really do miss my boy so much and I don't think I've been able to say much about him bc i distanced myself, as it took me 2 weeks of non-stop hardcore crying and being unable to breathe for me to somewhat accept my cat's death last year, so this one was even more of a struggle.
The main thing stops me from grieving too much is that Stanley was literally fearless. He should've been like a normal cat, afraid of cars, but he wasn't so I can't get mad at him for not being here anymore. I know he loved me bc the day before he died, he must've known something was gonna happen bc he jumped up next to me on the bed, came up to me, sat in my lap, kissed my face, let me kiss his head, purr, and not leave me alone for a while before he went to my little sister and did the same with her. 🥺
I'm not trying to make this sad or anything, just wanted to ask what you'd think of him, given my description of him?
-Lyle
ohhh lyle i am so so sorry that you are going through this right now :( the pain of losing a pet is so real and so awful. he looks like such a wonderful, well-loved and well cared for little angel. i especially love his eyes and the pattern of his coat - what a sweet little love. and what a great name, too. unfortunately i think during grief our minds try to make sense of the mourning by turning to familiar concepts such as self-blame, or pondering questions without an answer as a distraction or a way to make it all seem clearer - i.e, what did i do to deserve this? the answer is nothing. the answer is horrible things happen without reason to lovely people and lovely animals all the time, and it is horrifically unfair. it is very clear just from this message alone that he loved you just as much as you loved him, that you guys had a really special bond that can never be taken back or lost fully. the reaction you're having, the crying and the grieving and the depth of the hurt, is completely understandable. esp when the death is so sudden and unexpected - it takes time to move through these emotions. the coping mechanism of distancing yourself from talking about him and your other cat is very common, and i think it's a good sign that you're able to share him with me and recognize all the love that exists between you two. i hope you have good people around you who you can begin to open up to about this - maybe your sister, who clearly cared for stanley like you did. honestly, if the mourning continues to be hard to deal with, i would even consider talking to a counsellor about if i were you. just to have someone to unload all these feelings and verbalize what you're going through. i know that's a big and complicated step, but it's ok to need help dealing with this sort of thing for real. mostly i hope you're able to find ways to remember him and honour his life as yours goes on, even just by remembering him as he was - adorable and deeply appreciated. if you ever wanna talk about him, share stories or more about his personality or pics when you're ready, i would love to hear it. i hope he can rest in peace, poor little guy. :( sending you a massive hug. x
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Spending half an hour lying in the woods is a very bad sign about how I am feeling.
I’d gone to the woods, hoping to distract myself from all this grief and pain** I ended up crying so much my eyes were blurred. When my bootlace caught on a log I’d barely noticed down I went. Instead of getting up I curled up there on the ground.
So there I am, in the middle of the woods, curled up in a dip in the ground where a stump rotted away long ago. I don’t have a jacket on, even though it was 49F, because it was an impulsive walk, and besides it was warm enough walking. I almost never even sit on the ground, what with all the ticks, poison ivy, and the like in these parts, and I am lying on the dang ground.
I stayed there. And stayed there. And sobbed until I was too exhausted to cry more. And then just lay there some more.
I thought, “I could lie here forever. Just lie here and never move. Die here and rot away at the base of this tree. It would be a kind of nice place to die. I hope no one ever finds me.”
I thought this way once before on a walk, in 2012, and interestingly also inspired by the fallout of a visit to my brother’s. At the time I thought my life had hit rock bottom, which is kind of hilarious. I’d just bounced into a ledge. I’ve hit a lot of ledges in ten years, but I am still falling. The bottom is closer, and now I don’t know if I can survive the impact. Maybe hitting the bottom is death itself anyway. Life as a fall you can never save yourself from until SPLAT!
Anyway, it’s a bit worrying that in 2012 I found such a moment chilling, and scared myself into shaking it off, but that in 2022 it just felt like the only peace I can still find. It was sooooo tempting…..
But Mom is still alive and needs whatever she can get of my company. And the animals need me, particularly Ryoga. It’s pretty clear my brother would be up for roast pig rather than bother with an animal he loathes on principle. Ryoga needs me alive, for me to die first would be death for him. No one wants a pet hog. I simply can’t lie down in the woods and sleep to nothingness while Ryoga lives and he might have a lot of years left.
And so I got up.
**sigh**
If only there were still even a smidge of hope that my life could get better.
You have no idea of how bad things are for me now since you only get glimpses, a mention of a dying Mom, a cryptic reference to my brother, a grumble about a collapsing house, a worry about a basics I can’t afford. But most I don’t talk about. Some of us are taught that, to not share too much about the darkness. Mustn’t be a drag, pathetic, annoying, a whiner, and most of all, must not ever risk provoking more trouble.
To be clear, I’m not really suicidal. I don’t want to die, and I definitely do not have of the energy to chase after death. But to just stop running and fighting every waking moment , to just let whatever happens happen even if that “whatever” is death….that is starting to be tempting.
Irrational hope has done a lot to keep me alive for the last decade. Those little words. Maybe. Possibly. Could be. No matter the pain and exhaustion and hopelessness, being able to delude yourself with a few “one day” thoughts can keep you struggling on. I don’t want to die, not at all really. I just want hope.
** Yeah, I haven’t explained it all. It isn’t just that my mother is dying, it’s a whole web of other things involving what “family” I have. Even if I didn’t mind a public airing, it would take too much energy to tell you about. Suffice to say, I discovered new aspects yesterday that have made everything exponentially worse.
#my day#depression#exhaustion#tired#busy#poverty#family#grief#loneliness#isolation#I am so damn worn down#I wish I still had loved ones to tag into the fight while I catch my breath#Life is a team sport and I’m playing solo
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Okay so I wanted to just write a short story/one shot for once, but it ended up being an oc horror/angst novella. Anyways, here it is!
CW: standard horror movie ones (tension, violence, being hunted, etc), swearing, death mention, anxiety/panic attack mention, lots of blood, virus that makes people violent. Viewer discretion is advised.
Now, without further adieu…
Kill Your Darlings
(Part 1)
It was a day like any other, really. Foggy, but hey, I like overcast weather so I’m not complaining.
“I guess I never realized that the fog here is different than the fog back home,” I muse to Grim while we walk to class.
“Myah? Whaddya mean by that, Darling?”
“The fog back home didn’t smell like iron, I don’t think.”
“The fog here doesn’t smell like iron either. I think you’re just mis-smelling things.”
“Whatever you say, Grim,” I give him some pets on his head, not entirely convinced the iron scent isn’t just in my head. “Also, before I forget, I have Board Game Club after classes today. Remember the plan?”
“How could I forget?” he grins. “You offered me five whole cans of tuna to help you with this scheme!”
After the events of that bitch of a phantom bride- oh how I hate her still!- I can’t afford myself the luxury of pretending that Idia doesn’t know that I like him anymore. With the lengths (and songs) I went to without hesitation, there’s no way he doesn’t know; but it’s polite to tell him point blank in no uncertain terms. I mean, that’s what you do when you like someone, right?
The plan is that Grim is going to distract Azul somehow to make him late to the club meeting. Hopefully this will mean that Idia and I will be alone, allowing me to tell him how I feel in person without anyone else there to watch.
Before I left the dorm, I made sure to spritz a bit of perfume on me, just something that makes me smell a bit like candy. I’m only thinking of this because I left the bottle in the lounge since I was running late to class (but I’m always running late to these early morning classes so what’s new?) and I need to remember to put it back in the bathroom when I go home. Anyways I’m glad I took the time to with campus suddenly reeking of iron today.
After classes with Grim, we diverge on our separate paths; Grim to distract Azul with some underwater fetch quest off campus and I to the Board Game Club to confess my love to Idia, not in song while holding a flaming sword this time.
I show up early to the club, jittery and anxious. When I was out there white knighting and wedding crashing, I was so hopped up on anger, adrenaline, and Crowley's waaaaay overpriced bottle of vodka I swiped from his desk I didn't even notice that I kept singing the lyrics to "A Grave Mistake" wrong. When you meet the girl whose love you stole...
I feel a few steps away from a panic attack right now. Why does this of all things make me anxious???
The iron scented fog permeates the air. Time refuses to march on to my best nightmare, so I sit frozen in place as I pace the floor.
When I was younger, I used to spend my free time outside catching butterflies. There was a slight degree of skill that went into it. If you ran up to quickly, the butterfly would get scared and fly away, but if you went too slow, you would lose your surprise and it would fly away then too.
Idia is a butterfly. If I'm too forward and fast, he'll freak and never talk to me again; but if I say nothing, we'll drift apart and I'll lose any chance I had.
It's five minutes past. Where is he? My heart is beating out of my chest. What if something happened to him? I should go find him. My anxiety is fueling my paranoia, springboarding me to the worst possible conclusions. Maybe he died, or worst, I already scared him away for good.
That iron scented fog is smelling more like blood by the second. I feel terrified to leave this room even. What if he thinks I abandoned him? What if I get murdered in the halls?
Oh what am I thinking??? I'm Darling fucking Adventures! Am I really going to sit here and think about all the harm that could befall me? Because of a boy?
I grab a pair of scissors and start making my way down to Ignihyde. The halls of the main building are eerily empty. I clutch my scissors tighter, my knuckles turning whiter against the plastic handle.
My pep talk did little to dispel my paranoia. Especially with that fog still swirling around in the air, staining the atmosphere with a smell like blood.
I make to the Ignihyde mirror in one piece. The fog is starting to let up, unlike my anxiety, despite the anxiety being around longer.
I hear screams when I step through the mirror; angry, violent screams. Is it BattleBots day and I forgot? For my safety, I hope so.
Despite all my logic, I still can’t seem to shake this paranoia. Usually I find the atmosphere of Ignihyde to be cosy and warm, but I guess today I get to experience the dorm like a normal person. I hate it.
Against all good judgement, I push on, scissors in hand. I wish literally anyone was here, some big guy who could do the fighting for me if things got tough, like Jade or Floyd.
Someone grabs my hand and yanks me around a corner.
I shriek and cover my mouth before I realize that it’s just Ortho.
I almost let my body relax, but then I see the fear in his mechanical eyes.
“Ortho?” Panic rises in my voice like bile. “What wrong?”
“It’s Idia. He’s sick.”
“Oh, is that all it is?” The tension in my shoulders releases, but only a little. “From the sounds of the screams, I thought that they reinvented gladiatorial games. Where is he? I can help take care of him.”
“This isn’t a normal sickness,” his voice is hard and serious. What has this kid seen?
I hear Idia cackle off in the distance, this time sending chills up my spine rather than planting butterflies in my stomach.
“Ortho?” I ask, that old fear bubbling up once more.
“Yes, Darling?”
“Does the fog here usually smell like blood?”
“No,” he looks me dead in the eyes, “that’s why he’s sick.”
I feel like I’m gonna throw up. Everything feels prickly and bad. The blood vacates my face as I hear another one of Idia's cackles in the distance. Of all my worst case scenarios, none where like anything of what Ortho said next.
"I've never seen a sickness like this before. It's shutting down any rational thinking at a neural level in order to pump more power into the amygdala. The result of this..." His voice trails off, as if he's having trouble finding the right word to label his brother. At least, that's what I was hoping.
His eyes go wide, his mechanical whirring hushing. The hand around my wrist clamps harder. The tips of my fingers are starting to turn a bruisy purple.
"Ortho?" I whisper. "My wrist-"
I hear the soft tap tap tap of some boots prowling down the adjacent hallway. I can feel the temperature rise with each tap.
"Ortho..." I hear Idia's voice rasp, "I know you're hiding here..."
My eyes are watering. I can't turn around. I can't even blink. My breath catches in my throat. Has he turned the corner? I can't tell.
By the shadow on Ortho's face, he must be looming right above me.
Ortho's tugging on my ever-numbing wrist, a silent plea for me to run, but my body refuses to move from it's position. This is my worst nightmare, and I can't even wake up.
"Seems I've found you," I feel hot breathing on my neck. "And with Darling, no less."
Claws sink deep into my shoulder, piercing skin, drawing blood. I can't even scream. All I can do is clench my jaw as my eyes sting.
Ortho yells and finally yanks me from my spot, flinging me onto his metal back. I cry out in pain as I'm ripped from Idia's talons.
I hear him howl as we make our getaway. As we race back to the main building, Ortho yells above the wind, "Don't worry! Idia can't run very fast! Coach Vargas actually had to hold him back most days when he was in his class!"
We end up hiding out in the library's restricted area. I take off my blazer to examine the gashes in my shoulder.
My shirt and vest are slick with blood. I’ll have to sew in a new solid half of the vest. My hand is covered in the viscous red liquid.
“That’s a lot of blood, Darling,” Ortho remarks.
The room starts to spin. “Oh. So it is.”
I laugh nervously. The blood isn’t pulsing out, he didn’t hit an artery, but the panic building isn’t helping.
“You’re programmed with medical stuffs, right?” I start using my jacket to apply pressure. My hands are shaking. My breathing is shallow.
"Yes, but my lab body is back in Ignihyde, so I don't have any of my medical supplies."
"Okay. That's okay," my panic has almost consumed my whole brain. My chest hurts. "I have sewing supplies back in my dorm, but I don't know if I can make it. I feel like I'm dying."
I’m gasping for air, like I'm drowning. My vision is starting to go.
"Ortho? Am I dying?" My voice is shaking. Tears are rolling down my face.
"You're having a panic attack, Darling," his voice is soft and comforting. "Lay down. I'll do what I can."
Through the ringing in my ears, I hear a faint drip, drip, drip of water on the marble floors.
"That's quite a bit of trouble you've got yourself into," a familiar voice cuts through the static as its owner gently takes my hand. "I can help, for a price."
To Be Continued...
#twst fanfic#horror#twisted wonderland#twst oc#twst grim#twst ortho#twst idia#blood#kill your darlings
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just need to get something off my chest here. im sorry if im yucking on your yum but it truly is irksome.
an intrusive thought? is not a "bad thought" you think BECAUSE of a strong emotion
it is a "bad thought" that CAUSES a strong emotion
a guy on the train is being obnoxious so you have a snippet of fantasizing about giving him a piece of your mind or doing onto him as he's doing to others? "oh he's pissing me off i could just toss him out the window" that's just a petty thought, an emotional thought, perhaps an invasive one. an urge mayhaps.
your best friend who you adore is sitting on the bus and there is no tention between you, and you have a flash of "what would it sound like to toss them out the window" maybe you see or feel it happening even though you're sitting still? that causes you great stress? that is an intrusive thought
i adore cats but i can't pet them often or for very long because my brain is flooded with images of me dismembering them. sometimes i can feel the blood cool on my hands and turn tacky their claws digging into me, squirming, flailing to try and get away. i can hear their hypothetical screams, i can feel a burning tense energy building up as if my body is getting ready to do it. all while im petting them gently and im too scared to push them off my lap incase i accidentally throw them through the window or trample them to death in a self fuffilling prophecy, unfortunately, no i am not exaggerating. this horrifies me. obviously. it would cause anguish to anyone. it fucks with me so much so that i can't always eat, not even just an aversion to meat or fake meat or turning the stove on, or picking up a knife, but even straight up tomato sauce, sometimes im too exhausted or stressed to eat. because of that "what if i'd done it. what if i'd done it in my sleep. i would never know."
i lose sleep over the sheer concept of what if the intrusive thought wins. ive been locked in a hospital room because i was keen to die because of this. both from the fear of myself and the dread of what others might think if they'd known, if they'd think me a monster and be right as if their thoughts would prove to me i actually would do these things. i didnt like these thoughts of course but what if they did mean something about me? i get the urge to jump in front of oncoming traffic because of these thoughts, i can feel the wind be knocked out of me before the internal flash of my eyes. my bones crushing and puncturing my skin from the inside the failure of my bladder or bowels from the impact the scrapping of the pavement as i land the weight and grinding of the wheels going over me squishing blood from my minced entrails and this vivid imagination of such a demise may be intrusive for others but it is welcomed in the home that is my desolate mind. a brief heavenly hyperfixation to distract from what i otherwise cannot escape.
i get that sometimes you learn a new phrase or a new word and you're excited to use it, but part of learning words is learning their meaning. you eating the cookie from your friends hand and laughing about it is not "listening to the intrusive thought" it is not "the intrusive thought won" it's "my urge was followed through on" "my inner cookie monster won"
it's "im close enough to my friend that we can do weird annoying shit and laugh it off, if not immediately, then certainly later. thus me eating their cookie like a fucked up demonic seagul is the deepest sign of respect trust and love there is"
im sorry to yuck on peoples yum, no one who does or says this is a bad person nor do they deserve harassment, id hope that much would be obvious. it's just grating and maybe im a sensitive snowflake but my god is it a slap in the fucking face.
#tw blood#gore#tw gore#tw intrusive thoughts#tw disordered eating#vent#cw#tw#LONG POST#rant#personal#self harm mention#tw self harm#tw self destruction#off my chest#mental illness
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How To Keep Productivity And Motivation During The War?
It is my first post on Medium this year. And it has nothing to do with Vue.js. That doesn’t mean I suddenly quit programming. I have a full-time job, which regularly provides me with coding challenges. Recently I was writing the E2E tests for the first time, which was painful. Also, I am currently working on a small pet project, where I’m trying to implement new features more flexibly and less stressful. I have a project board on GitHub, but no sprint goals or strict deadlines. Besides, I am a participant in the WWCode Kyiv Mentoring Program, where I met a talented and motivated mentee. I’ve been consulting her on her way to becoming a web developer, and I hope the process is insightful for both of us.
Today I want to talk about mental health and motivation during the war. It is hard to believe and accept, but more than a year has passed since the russian troops invaded Ukraine. Over this time, Ukrainians learned what russian people were capable of: while their propaganda machine was spreading lies, the opposition kept silent, and the whole world was watching how their ordinary young men were looting, raping, and mutilating innocent civilians. But it isn’t a movie — we cannot press a stop button or leave a cinema anytime we want.
I’ve been staying in Kyiv for half a year now. The winter here was severe: the residents faced and courageously endured frequent shelling, several total blackouts, and the risk of potential evacuation. As for me, for the last couple of months, I mostly stayed at home, suffering from fear and apathy. Every time I went shopping, I couldn’t get rid of the thought: what if the russian missiles target my building next time?
That affected my productivity and daily routine. After doing some work, I spent the rest of the day in bed. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t read books or watch movies. I couldn’t even use social media to distract myself. My feeds on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and even Linkedin are full of messages about someone’s death on the battlefield. When I look at their pictures, those brave women and men, lots of them were younger than me, my heart clenches in pain.
The human body reacts differently to stress. I’ve read an article where Ukrainian IT specialists describe how the war affected their productivity. Most of them say that they experience difficulties focusing on tasks. Many people had to leave their homes and look for new places to live and work. That caused a loss of a favorable working environment and a general worsening of working conditions. Some people complain about problems with concentration and memory. They procrastinate, continuously read the news, and worry about the safety of their family. Some specialists lost their jobs.
Admitting a problem
At the same time, fewer people claim their productivity, on the contrary, increased. Work helped them to distract from the news; they felt enough energy and motivation to earn more money to support the Ukrainian Armed Forces. I wanted to be one of them, but how? The first and hardest step was to admit the problem. I spent day after day trying not to think about the future, eating sweets to reduce stress, until one day, I weight myself. The number I saw shocked me. All at once I realized I needed to change my way of life.
Creating a plan
I asked myself: what can I do besides working and sleeping? The first thing that came to my mind was to increase physical activity. I set myself a goal to spend more time outside walking and running. On the 1st of March, I went for my first run this season. 2 km for 14 minutes — that was the result. I used to run 10km+ daily a few years ago. Now I had to start from the beginning. So I tried to be patient. Two weeks later, I was able to run 4 km. On the days free of running, I go to the gym or walk. I plan to get 8000 steps per day no matter what.
Sharing tiniest progress
Daniel Lieberman, a paleoanthropologist best known for his research on the evolution of the human head and body, wrote a book about physical activity. He claims that sharing information about what you do can help to save motivation and not give up. So, I posted a thread on Twitter about my progress and got a lot of positive feedback. Also, I use apps to visualize my work and get some stats. I loved Avocation: you can plant a tree and watch how it grows after you do a planned activity. Awesome.
Asking for help
This week I am having a short vacation. I have a job where management cares about the wellness of employees, but not everyone is so lucky. Many people in my country cannot afford a break during the war. They have to make for living and support their families. That is why the advice to quit a job and go to Peru does not make sense. At the same time, physical exhaustion and permanent fear of your life cause anxiety, sleep disorder, and other mental health issues. It seems like a blind corner, and the only one who can help is a psychotherapist. War experiences for soldiers and civilians are different, but there is one thing we have in common — we all are traumatized.
I did not mean to write a positive article. The honest answer to the question in the title is: there is no way to keep productivity and motivation while your nation suffers from violence you cannot imagine. I described a personal attempt to preserve the remains of mental health. I gained weight, and that was a signal for me to change my habits. I accept the possibility that my plan may not work. But I will enjoy the process, as long as I can, and that is what matters.
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so,
my current relationship with God is complicated.
I may be being rebellious. Am I naive to aay that I'm going through a phase and that I'll come back later? Like I can have the best of both worlds? God's love is unconditional, but does it include His salvation? I know that God will always have me on a leash, have a hand on me wherever I go in my life. I can't turn against God. I am a sinner by nature, but I am a lover more strongly than anything. I'll work myself to death out of my love for people. I don't like having to not be nice. I love being nice. I wish we could all get along and be nice, especially to God. Even if God doesn't make a lot of sense sometimes, I have the love that he blessed me with to overlook it. Even if my wordly body and activities disagree with how my body feels, my soul is eagerly awaiting for Heaven to meet the ultimate creator.
My mom has really been struggling with homosexuality and transgenderism lately. She is disturbed and has a hard time processing it. She does not enjoy it. My soul that is with God does not enjoy it, either, but my body is at unrest because it is in the world and it feels uncomfortable with both sides. So much tension. So much confusion. My brain is in the middle of my soul and body, and how I cope is to put on a mask of neutrality at best, along with wanting what's good for people. I have to take a step back for my heart to not break every time I see something that happens so often. I can't just reject it all entirely. I just have to make the most of the situation God has put me in.
It is said that everyone is trying their best. I hope God can stretch His mercy and understanding to my situation, and of others that are similar.
God, help me to be a vessel of love and understanding. Help me to be the best version of myself with my wonderful qualities shining through.
I'm sorry that I have been avoiding you. I just feel guilty. I don't want to be rude to people and just feel uncomfortable all the time. I know it's a small price to pay in the face of eternity, but this is how I feel. My brain and body, especially, don't understand the concept of eternity well, so it's hard for me to be more serious about it. There are a lot of distractions here. You have made me human and allowed sin to enter the world. What do you expect from me? That's my question. I am a sheep and I need a fence. 🐑 And, I need a little pet and snuggle, too. Thanks.
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What I’m writing right now is reaching new levels of angst. I’ve finally hit the experimentation milestone, guys! -Aru
#Danny Phantom#DP#Fic#Angst#I need to distract myself from a pet death so what am I doing?#Writing a fic about Danny getting brutally tortured and dying in several ways#I have Healthy Coping Mechanisms#But hey if the universe didn't want me to do this it shouldn't have killed THREE OF MY FUCKING PETS THIS YEAR
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Behave.
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Relationships: Yagami Light/Reader
Additional Tags: Reader-Insert, Praise Kink, Yagami Light is Kira, L is reader's brother, but no one's supposed to know, Possessive Behavior, Unhealthy Relationships, Blackmail, Coercion, Sexual Coercion, Oral Sex, Rough Oral Sex, 'good girl's, AFAB reader - Freeform, Misogyny, Workplace Sex, Desk Sex, Penis In Vagina Sex, Vaginal Sex, this is filthy, I'm so sorry, Manipulation, Top Yagami Light, Jealousy
A/N: Filth! Absolute dirt! I'm the Trash Man! I come out, I throw trash all over AO3, and then I start eating garbage! Enjoy.
"You seem to get along very well with L."
You could practically feel your heart stop when Light said that. You felt so stupid, of course, this guy would figure it out. You tried your best to look unfazed while you panicked on the inside. The black-haired detective and you were trying to keep it a secret from the task force that you were siblings. You cursed Ryuzaki internally, he had been acting kind of protective towards you and it was bound to raise suspicion.
“You think so? I’ve just been trying to be on good terms with everyone.” You deflected.
The investigation room was empty save for the two of you, there was a single monitor showing the news broadcast reporting on the most recent Kira murder. You focused back on the files you were sorting through. Your older brother never cared much for organizing and that drove you mad. You glanced in Light’s direction again, he was staring at you, his gaze sent shivers down your spine, you just forced an awkward smile.
"Did you let him fuck you yet?" He deadpanned.
"W-What the fuck? Of course not!" You answered abruptly. You were offended that Light would even ask something like that. The crude way he said it too, made you blush in embarrassment. You found it weird he'd say something like that, usually Light was nothing short of a gentleman when addressing you.
"Don't get coy all of a sudden. Just admit you two are fucking already." He sounded annoyed now. He got up and got closer to your desk, his eyes never leaving yours. You sometimes felt intimidated in his presence, now in the middle of the night, alone with him towering over you, this feeling increased tenfold.
"T-that's disgusting! Why are you even saying that? We're just… we're just friends, coworkers who get along, whatever!" You started to crack under the pressure.
Light brows furrowed for a second and then his eyes widened in revelation. A grin formed on his face and he burst into laughter like he had finally gotten the punchline to a joke. His laughter was scary, loud and almost maniacal. You didn't know how to react exactly so you looked at him nervously and confused.
Did he believe you? Did he find the misunderstanding funny? Was that it? You hoped that was it. You offered a weak smile as his laughter died down.
"I was so caught up in this… obsession… this feeling of jealousy… ah. It was obvious all along. You're siblings. Siblings!" He shook his head smiling "This is pathetic. You're becoming such a nuisance with your distraction."
He figured it out, of course it had only been a matter of time. But that realization took way too long for his liking. He was blinded by the rage of the idea of L having you and he didn't stop to consider any other possibilities.
"Excuse me? I didn't-" You got up and started to retort his rude comment.
"Shut the fuck up." And you did so out of shock. Light wasn't like this normally, he was relatively courteous and nice. Why was he so… brutish all of a sudden? He smiled at your obedience. "Good girl."
The praise felt so dirty, you frowned at him. Being infantilized was something you were used to dealing with in the workplace, being surrounded by older men. But Light was pretty much your age, what was he thinking?
You didn't have time to wonder because the man grabbed your collar and pulled you into a kiss.
You tried to push him away instinctively and ask what the fuck he was doing, but Light grabbed your wrists. He held them so tightly it almost marked your skin. Your lips were still closed so he bit them to make you part them. He kissed you aggressively as if he was punishing you for something. his tongue entered your mouth deepening the kiss and claiming your mouth for himself.
He tasted like coffee and sin.
"God, and I thought fucking L's girlfriend was a good idea, this is way better." He sounded extremely amused. "I wonder how is he going to react when he finds out I fucked his pretty little sister?"
Ryuzaki had always had a bad feeling about Light, he mentioned you should be careful around him, you knew all that and here you were. You thought he was being overprotective, to be fair Light wasn't the first guy L had a bad feeling about.
Light's hand was now caressing your hair, smiling content with your current predicament and very proud of himself.
"We… w-we can't." You tried to come up with an excuse. "We work together, so it would be-"
"I am Kira."
You heart stopped when you heard those words. Everything started connections in your head, every lead, every tip, every death. You still had many questions, some things didn't make sense, but as you stood there looking at that man's face it was clear that he wasn't joking.
"W-why are you… telling me this?" You tried to back away slowly. You could hear your heartbeat drumming in your ears.
"Because I feel like keeping you to myself." He smiled sinisterly, every step back you took he stepped forward to approach you again "I was contemplating killing you after pounding your cunt, but I told myself I deserved a little treat."
Hearing him talking about murdering you in cold blood activated your flight instinct immediately. You turned away and rushed towards the door, but as soon as you tried to twist the doorknob and open the door, it was locked. You twisted the knob again and again, desperately trying to unlock it with sheer willpower.
“Stop that, you’re smarter than this.” You heard his voice right against your ear, his hands now grabbing your waist and caressing you through the fabric of your blouse. “There’s only one way you leave this room” he placed a kiss on your neck and you shivered despite yourself “with my cum leaking down your thighs” he grabbed your throat suddenly “and invisibly leashed to me, like a good little pet.”
You were shaking, incredibly aware of Light's bulge pressing against your ass, one hand toying with the hem of your shirt and the other still holding your neck possessively.
"Are we clear, pet?"
You felt his grip tighten a bit so you just quickly nodded your head. It showed to be the wrong answer, because you were punished with a sharp swat to your ass.
"Use your damn words, there's a reason I chose not to gag you." He grabbed your face, forcing you to make eye contact with him. "Say 'Yes, master'."
He was a sick fuck. You wanted to scream at him and call him exactly that. You wanted to push him away and go home already. But god damn it, you wanted to survive this.
"Yes… m-master."
He smiled at your obedience and his grin made you sick to your stomach. He placed a kiss on your temple and pat your hair gently.
"There you go, good girl. That wasn't so hard, was it?" He turned you around quickly and pushed your back against the door. His mouth was on yours again, his hands slipped under your shirt and you shivered feeling his cold touch on your skin. The fabric was restraining his hands so he grew frustrated and started to undress you at once.
"Y-you don't… have to do this, Light. I promise I won't tell anyone, just let me go and-"
"Don't waste your breath. You'll need it when I get to choke you properly…" he answered simply, amused by your perseverance, all the while looking forward to breaking it. "I want to fuck you, so I'm going to do it. I have the whole world in my hands and it's not a little pet that's going to deny me what I want. Understood?"
He tossed your shirt on the floor and started pulling your pencil skirt up. He glared at you for not answering and you promptly spoke up.
"Understood."
He smirked. You felt his fingers trace your slit over your panties, you shuddered and instinctively tried to move away.
"Don't fucking move." His other hand grabbed your waist holding you in place. His tone was harsh and you were so fucking scared.
"Sorry"
"I'm sure you are… Good girl, at least you have manners." He chuckled at that. "Not that your decency matters, look how wet you are for your master…"
He stroked the wet fabric to emphasize his point and you tried to hold back a moan, but it was useless. It felt good, of course it felt good. Light was a hot guy, he obviously knew his way around someone's body and you were only human. His lips captured yours again and he kept playing with your clothed sex as you made out. You could swear you were going insane, the pleasure of his hands on you was intoxicating and his mouth on yours had you gasping for air.
"Get on your knees. Now."
You needed to survive this, you needed to be useful to him. The way he ordered you around did excite you but you needed to stay focused. You were not supposed to feel good, you were supposed to find a way out of this situation.
For now that meant kneeling before Light as he pulled out his cock for you.
You gulped as you eyed him, of course Light Yagami had a big dick, you had to have suspected it. But now you had to give him head and you knew very well he wasn't going to go easy on you. He saw your hesitation and scoffed in amusement.
"Go ahead pet, you want to prove to me you're worth keeping around don't you?" He smiled devilishly at you.
"Yes, master." You murmured and licked your lips. You could do this. And, in a weird way, you kind of wanted to do this, you wanted him to praise you more, to call you a good girl again… you repressed the thought. This is disgusting, Light is disgusting and a murderer. You were strong you won’t fall for his games.
You grabbed his cock by its base and started to gently suck the tip. You looked up at him before taking the whole shaft into your mouth. You sucked him off to the best of your, limited, abilities, trying to get him deeper with each bob of your head. Maybe if he came in your mouth he wouldn’t touch you further, maybe he’d let you go.
Your hopeful thoughts are interrupted by the man’s hand grabbing your hair forcefully, you looked at him and he was grinning like the maniac he was.
“Sit still, let me use your throat a little bit.” His voice was unshaken. You felt a bit annoyed he didn’t seem phased by your efforts. You didn’t have time to dwindle on that feeling because Light was grabbing your face and fucking your mouth as soon as he finished his phrase.
His pace was unrelenting and you felt your spit dribbling down your chin, you tried to breathe in small intervals and you could see him laugh at your predicament. You felt rage but he slowed down his thrusts and started petting your head. Like a kid. Like a pet.
“That’s a good girl, such an obedient little pet…” he breathed and pulled out “Bend over your desk for me.”
Fuck. You were out of breath, you could only nod and do as he said. You didn’t even think of disobeying his order, he praised you again, you were doing a good job… You got up and rested your torso on the desk. He was going to fuck you. Light was Kira and he was blackmailing you into submission. This was an absolute nightmare. So why the fuck were you so turned on?
“You know where you belong, don’t you, pet?” You felt his presence behind you and he pulled down your panties. “Not above anyone, not next to your brother… Not even by my side.” He pulled your hair and you yelped despite yourself “You belong under me.”
He entered you forcefully and you couldn’t help but moan loudly at the intrusion, he didn’t prepare you with his fingers, he didn’t touch you properly at all, it hurt and he knew. But he didn’t give a fuck.
“You should be grateful to your master, whore.” His hand reached around your neck his grip making you gasp. “Tell me you can be obedient.”
“I can!” You cried and you felt his other hand reach between your legs to press your sensitive bud.
“You think you can be useful? Do you think you deserve to live to serve your master?” His thrusts were getting harsher and he groaned “Do you?!”
“Yes, master, please, master!” You begged. To cum, to live, anything. Light held your life in his hands and you were so scared, but so turned on.
“You better....” He grunted and kept on rubbing your clit “I fucking own you. I’m going to cum inside you, going to make you my breeding bitch.”
Oh no. That wasn’t good. That was a bad idea.
“N-no… please not inside” You heard him laugh at your resistance.
“Then tell me… tell me his name.” His name? Fuck. Ryuzaki.
You couldn’t tell him his name. Was he going to kill you if you didn’t? You couldn’t do it. You sobbed and grasped his arm in fear.
“No, I can’t, I can’t!” You cried out shaking your head. The pleasure was overwhelming and you came on his fingers screaming. “I can’t! Ah!”
You saw stars, Light never stopped pounding you as he laughed maniacally at your desperation.
“Know your fucking place… useless cunt.... Fuck-” His laughter died down and he pulled you closer as he came inside you.
You felt his spent dripping down your pussy, you trembled both from the orgasm and from fear of what came next. Light pulled out and turned you around, smiling amused at your scared face.
“Don’t worry, pet, of course I wasn’t counting on a dumb slut like you telling me this information…” He pat your head and you stood there with tears rolling down your face “You’re beneath me, I don’t need you, I don’t need your help. I’ll find out eventually.” He chuckled and wiped away your tears “But I do know your name. So you better behave.” He kissed your forehead. “Won’t you, pet?”
#smut fic#x reader#light yagami x reader#light yagami x y/n#light yagami x you#light yagami smut#light yagami imagine#light yagami headcanons
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War prize
Summary: You get taken as a war prize once the barbarians take over your homeland.
Tw: nsfw, non - con, mentions of blood, slight corruption kink, size difference, slavery, deregatory language, degradation, possessive behavior, minor character death, spanking, mention of war
There is now part 2
Yoo guys, don’t worry if you voted for the other two options, I will write for them too soon enough. Anyways, enjoy.
You weren’t supposed to be here right now with your legs covered in heavy metal chains and a dirty cloth shoved up in your mouth. Your friends weren’t supposed to be either captured or dead. Your side wasn’t supposed to lose against the barbaric tribe. So many things weren’t supposed to happen tonight and you were slowly getting used to the fact that your supreme leaders had failed, the army had raised the white flag high and you were currently in the enemy territory with slim chances of escape, with absolutely no memories of how you got there in the first place.
You could hear his heavy prolonged footsteps, the way the sharp heel of his boot dug into the rich soil and stomped all over the daisies and weeds just like he had done with your own people hours ago. He was getting closer to the tent by the minute and his shadow was growing bigger and bigger until the soldier finally pulled back the curtain-like fabric to the side and entered the tiny space you were forced into.
He was very tall, unnaturally so, nothing like the men in your tribe who, despite being strong and capable, were born on the shorter side. His face was rough and raw, his features symmetrical and fierce in their cold perfection, deep charcoal eyes, dark lips and a straight nose. The knight fancied his long black hair free and wild, letting it fall against his muscular shoulders softly, shiny, silky and healthy. In these territories the warriors wore very little clothing, finding anything covering their chest or ankles to be too distracting and suffocating during a battle. You tried to look away from his half – naked form but his upper body was sweaty and smooth, caramel in color, making it hard to look at anything else. In return the male simply stared at you for a few moments, grinning in amusement or maybe even satisfaction, and kneeled down next to the mat you laid on.
“Hello, my little captive.” His voice was throaty and deep when he finally called out to you, a cunning smirk adorning his lips, giving him a sly foxy expression. The man reached out to cup your cheek and wipe away a tear slowly falling down, causing you to squirm away from his touch as if he held a hot iron against your face.
“Don’t touch me, you brute!” You shouted out before you had the chance to reconsider your poor choice of wording. The knight simply chuckled in respond and grabbed your hips roughly, making sure to dig his nails deep into the clothed skin before pulling you closer to his naked chest. You couldn’t help but turn red when forced to take in the warmth and firmness of his body – you had never been so close with a man before, much less your commune’s arch enemy.
“I will do so much more than that, sweet girl.” Raven whispered against your ear and kissed your neck softly, pulling your hair down so you would arch your back and whine miserably. “I won you fair and square, little slave.” He growled against your collarbone and bit down hard on the soft part of your throat. You couldn’t stand the hot wet sensations and you desperately wanted to get away from the warrior’s cruel grip, but you were helpless in your struggles, and even if you weren’t thoroughly tied up, you were still too scared to put up a fight against the barbaric male twice your size.
“You are so small and fragile, so vulnerable underneath me. I’ve always wanted something soft and pretty to warm my bed at night.” Raven admitted huskily as he tore apart your white satin robe, revealing your chest to the lingering glittering light coming from the gaslight above. Your pitiful whimpers were muffled by his lips slamming on yours and his wet slippery tongue forcing his way deep down your throat. The warrior was caressing your bosom, squeezing and fondling at it shamelessly, pinching and licking your nipples until they stood at attention red and swollen like cherries. “Such a pretty little slut, tied down at my mercy.” The knight moaned and slapped your breast lightly, enjoying the sheer look of horror on your beautiful face, twisted in panic. “I’m gonna make your tits bounce while I take you like a bitch in heat.” The man mumbled sadistically and slapped your other breast, this time using more force. “ I’m gonna make you my whore.” He cursed under his breath and lowered his head to suck on your neck once again.
Soon Raven got bored of playing with your tits and moved on to spread your legs wide open, pulling your panties down to your ankles. The sight of your sweet tight pussy exposed and displayed so wantonly was mouth-watering to the barbarian, and he could already feel his member harden painfully against your slit. You pleaded silently with your eyes to be spared, muttering quiet pleas, “no’s”, sobbing and clutching to the last bit of hope for mercy. Unfortunately, the warrior couldn’t hear a word, too fascinated by your luscious body and his own wild hunger.
“My beautiful little prize, all mine.” The man whispered almost affectionately, kissing you nice and slow this time, with his throbbing erection pressed on your entrance, inches away from your untouched virgin hole. “I saw you earlier today while you were tending to your parents’ wounds, pet.” He spoke suddenly, his length teasing your folds by slowly sliding in between your soft thighs. “You looked so precious in your desperate attempt to save them during the final fight.” The warrior continued, one hand coming up to stroke your hair in a sick yet comforting manner. “A sweet little thing like you shouldn’t be on the battlefield.” Raven kept going while rubbing slow circles on the palm he had forced you to open when you were clenching your fist tight. “You look so much better by my side, pretty girl.” The soldier placed a small peck on your temple, the lingering gentleness of his actions and the cruelty of his words making you sick to your core. You felt tired and overwhelmed yet the worst was still in store.
“I will tell you a little secret, slave.” The dark-haired male snarled at you and raised your chin up so you had no choice but to meet his cold black eyes. “I killed your father and took you all for myself.” He confessed in a low vicious voice, his scarred fingers tightening around your throat. The wet fury in your heart tangled together with the pain and grief of your loss, but the deadly grip around your neck forced you in place, still and lifeless like a doll. You wished you were dead just like your family so you wouldn’t have to suffer the humiliation of entertaining the enemy and his twisted desired any longer. “Now I am going to steal your innocence and make you mine, little bird.” Your face froze in terror and agony, having realized that, by the end of his words, the man had already pushed his manhood into your tight heat, piercing through your body, unprepared for the shock and the pain. “Sing for me, slave.” The barbarian hissed under his breath and moved roughly in and out of you, each new thrust sharper and deeper than the last one. You didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of seeing you broken down so easily, but you needed a way to cope with the harsh reality, so you cried out for him. You chocked on your pitiful sobs, screamed in pain and whimpered miserably just to survive another second of this meaningless torture.
Raven looked ecstatic, enticed by your lovely moans and whines, your sweet despair delicious on his tongue while he claimed your lips and explored your throat. Your tight pussy squeezed hard on his length, milking every bit of pleasure out of it. His eyes were blacker than the night sky, filled with lust and thirst for blood, unquenched even after hours of slaying the innocent souls determined to protect their land. Laying down on the cold ground, sweaty, violated and stripped of your pride, you wondered whether you were just another conquest to the warrior, perhaps ruining your purity was his way of proving that he and his people were the new rulers of the territory.
“What a sweet little virgin you were, and now you are bleeding on my cock while I take you, pet.” The barbarian cooed at you cruelly, choking you lightly, not tight enough to put your life in danger, but enough to keep you motionless and complacent, just a hole for him to fuck into. “I am going to cum in your cunt now, slave, and you are going to stay there and take it.” The man announced sternly and kept shoving his manhood down your channel roughly, pounding into you relentlessly until he came with a growl and released his seed deep inside you, painting your walls white. Your pussy felt raw and puffy, pulsating in pain around the cock still buried in. He wasn’t pulling out of you.
“Oh, little bird, did you really think that I would be satisfied with having you just once?” Raven taunted you gleefully, a sadistic gleam in his dark eyes as he took in the panic on your face, drinking it like a glass of honey mead. “I fought for you after all, precious.” The warrior muttered slowly, mere inches away from your swollen lips, bruised and red from all the biting and rough kisses. “I am going to savor you little by little.” He paused to catch your gaze and held it for a moment too long before focusing on your mouth again.
“You’re mine now, don’t you ever forget it.”
#yandere#male yandere x reader#yandere oneshot#yandere smut#male yandere#yancore#yandere oc#yandere male x reader#yandere oc x reader#yandere x you#yandere prompt
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Golden Guard x Reader- True Colours
A/N: I wanted to get back into the swing of things before redoing the requests. There may or may not be a few Amphibia references in here…since i watched it quite recently...
Spoilers for Hunting Palisman.
Also anyone get the reference of the title?
Being in the Emperor’s Coven wasn’t easy. From battling monsters and demons to rogue witches and a certain human, I was surprised I was still alive. A regular guard was just a pawn for the Emperor. Yet, I had no choice, since my parents had already planned my future while I was still young. I wanted to make them proud, and I really did try. But it seems like being a normal guard in the Emperor’s Coven wasn’t enough. I needed to go bigger, eliminate anyone in my way if I had to. I was going to do it for them, and for my lost Palisman, Froggit.
(IT WAS THE ONLY THING THAT CAME TO MIND-)
Standing at attention, I watched all the servants and guards walk by. I was assigned outside the Throne room today. Kikimori happened to be walking by as the door opened. She gasped. “Golden Guard?! You’re alive! I heard about the crash-“
The “Golden Guard” came into view. He greeted Kiki, and I had the time to observe him. He was about my age, with blonde hair, red eyes, and a scar on his right cheek. As he walked away from Kikimori, he looked my way.
I hadn’t realised I had turned to face them. Quickly standing to attention, I stiffened as he stopped in front of me. “Sir.” I saluted. He raised an eye-brow, looking at my badge. (Ima just pretend the badges have names engraved into them in small lettering or something). “Haven’t seen you around here much. When did you join the Emperor’s Coven?” He asked casually. I glared through my mask. “Two weeks ago, sir.” I replied, trying my best to keep my voice calm.
He smiled. “Well, miss ‘Y/N’, it’s nice to meet you. The names Hunter.” I didn’t reply back. After a few minutes of silence, he sighs. “Welp, I better be going. See you around.”
As he walked away, I let my shoulders relax a bit. Glaring after him, I watched him disappear. So, a higher rank, right? Well, we’ll see about that. Don’t try to chit-chat me, Hunter. You’re nothing but a rival.
Later that evening…
I let out a yawn. It was late, and I was the only guard patrolling this side of the castle. Lifting my mask to rub my tired eyes, I heard a loud bang, followed by yelp of pain. “Palisman!” Someone hissed. Pulling my mask back down, I held my staff out. “COME OUT! I KNOW YOU’RE THERE!” I yelled out. There was nothing but silence.
Turning a corner, I caught someone running away, carrying something. “Hey!” I gave chase, following the intruder down the corridors. As I ran, I realised they seemed to know exactly where they were going. Running by halls that lead to dead ends, and avoiding doors that entered into closed off rooms. Using my staff, I sped up, running in front of the witch. He came to a stop, almost tripping. Holding out my staff, I was about to zap him, when I realised it was Hunter. A small, red bird Palisman sat on his shoulder.
I smirked under my mask. Hiding a Palisman? One that has wild magic? This was treason. Oh, Emperor Belos is going to love this.
“You stay here.” I stated, using a spell to keep him in place. As he struggled, I began to walk off. If he’d been keeping a wild Palisman, who knew what he could do with it. Best to retrieve back-up, and quickly.
As I turned my back, he yelled out to me. “Wait! Don’t tell Belos!” Ignoring him, I continued. “I know what he does to them! He kills them!”
Stopping, I turned back to the Golden Guard. “What do you mean by that?” I questioned cautiously.
Hunter closed his eyes, letting out a sigh. “Emperor Belos isn’t a witch. I don’t know what he is, or what happened to him. All I know is that he uses the magic in the Palismans to keep himself powerful and in a stable condition.”
My mind went to Froggit, my Palisman before I joined the Coven. He went missing as soon as I joined…he couldn’t have…
“Y-you’re lying, aren’t you?” I growled. The Palisman sitting on his shoulder chirped. After a moment of silence, I released the Golden guard. Turnng my back to him once again, I growled under my breath.
“Get out of here before I change my mind.”
Hunter didn’t need to be asked twice. Making sure the Palisman wasn’t hurt, he left, returning to his dorm.
About an hour later, another guard took over my shift. Rushing back to my dorm, I leaned against the door.
It couldn’t be true. Emperor Belos would never hurt my Palisman, would he?
I let out a shaky breath. He couldn’t have…right?
Finishing up my carving, I stared lovingly at the Frog as I held it up to the sunlight. “And done! Welcome to the world little buddy!” I whispered, blowing the flakes away. Smiling widely, I placed the wooden frog on my bedside table. All I had to do now was wait. He should wake up in a few minutes.
Leaning back on my bed, I picked up my book, looking at all the human creatures inside. I loved looking at all the pictures, and even chose one as my Palisman. There were so many amazing creatures, for awhile I couldn’t pick. I had finally settled for a “frog”, since they sounded so amazing.
Hearing a croak, I looked up from my book. My new Palisman had woken up, and was crawling around and curiously peering at the objects on my bed stand.
“Hey there little guy.” I cooed, picking him up. He let out another croak. “Welcome to the Boiling Isles! You’re so cute!”
He tilted his head curiously in my direction, letting out another excited croak. Giggling, I gently pet him.
“I’ll keep you safe Froggit. I won’t let anything bad happen to you.”
I jolted awake, rubbing my teary eyes as I sat up. Silent sobs threatened to erupt from my throat. Taking a few minutes to calm myself, I inhaled slowly.
This wasn’t a coincidence, wasn’t it? Froggit was gone, and I had failed to protect him. He had probably died a horrible death, scared and all alone.
Checking the window, I noticed the sun was rising. I had to get ready for today.
As I stood up, I felt my stomach squirm in guilt. Looking around my room, i grabbed a satchel, collecting things and preparing. I had to get out of here. I was NOT going to work with a Coven that murdered my Palisman, no matter what my parents say. I would have failed them, but nothing was worse than knowing I had failed my Palisman, my only friend.
A loud knock came from the door. Looking up, I stared hard at the door. Who could that be? I’m not late for something, am I?
The knocking came again. Walking over, I opened the door to find Kikimori there. She seemed to be glaring daggers into my soul, even though she was way shorter than me.
“The Emperor wants to speak with you immediately.” She stated, walking away.
Why does the Emperor want to see me?
I took off my mask as I stood in front of the throne room. My knees shook thinking over the things the Golden Guard had said the night previously. The Emperor wasn’t who I thought he was, and that thought alone terrified me.
Clutching my mask, I opened the doors. Mutterings were coming from the other side of the room as I entered. Walking along the corridor, I took note that a few guards, as well as the Golden Guard and Emperor Belos were in the room. Belos was talking to the Golden Guard, but stopped when I entered. I bowed down to the Emperor, as I felt his eyes bare into my soul.
“You must be Y/N L/N, right? Hunter has told me so much about you.” He stated. I bowed my head, keeping an eye on Hunter. He seemed to be distracted, since he didn’t seem to be paying attention to us.
“He’s told me of all your hard work so far, and that you’re trust worthy. So, I have made up my mind.”
He stood up, grabbing onto his staff. What was he doing?
“You’ve been moved up to Captain of the guards, since ours has…retired. How does that sound?”
Shocked, I glanced up to Hunter. His eyes were averted, refusing to look at me.
“I-it’s an honour, my lord…” I stuttered. “B-but, I-i’m just a humble guard, there’s no need to put me as Captain so soon-“
I was cut off as something headed my way, barely missing me by a hair. I stiffened, following the pointed object toward the Emperor. It was….his…arm….
He took the object away. “I'm afraid you don’t have a choice in this matter. Your first mission starts tonight. You’ll be accompanied by Hunter. You’ll be given your badge in the morning.” He waves his hand, signifying I could leave.
I nodded. “Y-yes, my Lord.” With that, I placed my helmet back on, walking briskly out of the room.
Opening the door, I jumped a little when Kikimori was waiting on the other side. She said nothing, just simply glared at me then left.
After watching her disappear around the corner, I let out an angry sigh. What was I gonna do?
Later that night….
The Golden Guard was standing beside me, steering the ship we flew in. There was an awkward silence for the first 10 minutes of the flight, with both of us avoiding eye contact. Apparently, we were meant to be looking for Palismans.
“So…everything you said the other night was true.” I mumbled. The Golden guard hummed in response. “Unfortunately, yes.”
Another silence ensured.
“I wasn’t expecting him to make you Captain. I just wanted to help you out a bit, since you helped me. I’m sorry if it wasn’t what you wanted…” I let out a sigh. “It’s fine."
That’s when he turned to me. His eyes were filled with sympathy. “I’m also sorry about your Palisman…”
I whipped around to face him. “How-“
“It’s not hard. Everyone has a Palisman when they first arrive. They disappear after the first week, and given a “new and improved” staff. It’s becoming more common. Only a few are allowed to keep their Palismans.” He stated, his brows furrowing as his gaze returned to the horizon.
“You seem to know a fair bit.” I said. He shrugged. “One of the few perks of being the Emperor’s right-hand man.”
I nodded understandingly. Being right-hand man couldn’t have been easy. There would’ve been many people trying to back-stab him. I WAS one of them.
“…what was it like? Your Palisman?” He asked curiously. I smiled under my mask. “He was my best friend. A lot of people questioned why I chose a monster from the human realm, but it didn’t matter. I loved him almost like my own child…” I felt the tears threatening to overflow once again. Hunter smiled. “He sounded nice.” I looked over to him curiously. “You say that as if you’ve never had a Palisman.”
His eyes widened, before he turned his face away from me. “…this Palisman is actually my first. I didn’t do well in school, so I never achieved my staff.” Was all he replied. Great. Now I felt bad. “I’m sorry…"
He chuckled. “It’s alright. There wasn’t a chance you could’ve known.”
Letting out a sigh, I took my mask off. What was the point of hiding my face while meeting a new friend?
Letting my hair fall down, I hear Hunter let out a small gasp. I raise an eyebrow, turning my gaze to him. His eyes were wide open, staring at me. “What are you looking at?”
“You…you’re beautiful…”
My own eyes widened, and I felt my cheeks heat up. Hunter realised that he said it out loud, and his own face lit up. “I-i’m so sorry! I-“
“Just be quiet.” I growled, turning away so then Hunter wouldn’t see me.
The ship shook, and I felt it begin to fall rapidly toward the ground. I watched in terror as the ground came closer, and I blacked out as we hit the ground.
“Hey! Y/n, wake up!” Someone hissed quietly.
I let out a groan as I opened my tired eyes. Hunter was gently shaking me, looking around frantically at his surroundings. “W-what happened?” I grumbled, sitting up. Hunter clasped a hand over my mouth. I was about to object, when he pointed to a certain short monster on the other side of the rocks.
It was Kikimori, and she did not look happy. She seemed to be carrying a stone. I recognised it from history books. They made the possessor stronger.
“I KNOW YOU’RE HERE GOLDEN GUARD! AND I KNOW WHAT YOU DID THE OTHER NIGHT!” She shrieked. My brows furrowed, looking toward Hunter. “What is she talking about?” I hissed. He reached for his broken staff. I hadn’t noticed that before. “I’ll explain later. Right now, we need to get out of here.” He whispered back.
Without warning, he grabbed my hand, leading me away from the angry monster.
Once we were far enough away, I pulled my hand free from his. “What the hex was that about?!” I yelled. Hunter let out a sigh. “Look, the other night I was assigned to collect Palismans. I told my Uncle that I had failed, but the real reason was that I let them go. Kiki and the human Luz was involved and…things just got out of hand.” He was looking down at his feet.
“If I told him what had really happened, then he would kill both of us…”
I listened carefully. When he was finished, I smiled softly. ‘Hey…you did the right thing.” I said, placing a hand on his shoulder. Surprised for a moment, Hunter smiled.
“So, what are we gonna do? We can’t tell your Uncle we failed to retrieve them again. He’d find out for sure.” I said. Hunter thought for a moment, before a smirk crossed his features. “Not unless we disappeared.”
I stared blankly at him for a moment. What did he mean by that?
“What do you mean?”
“Alright, this is the plan.”
Waiting outside the castle, I tapped my foot impatiently. Hunter had gone into the castle to retrieve his Palisman, leaving me outside to wait. It had been 10 minutes already. Shouldn’t he be back by now?
Something must’ve happened.
Letting out a growl, I clutched my staff, heading inside. Once inside, I passed a few of the guards. None tried stopping me, just giving a nod as I passed by. They took note of my badge it seemed.
As I walked pass the throne room, I halted when I heard a cry of pain come from within.
“NO, PLEASE! DON’T HURT HIM!”
That was Hunter.
Rushing over, I swung the doors open. There was Hunter, being held by two guards. Kikimori held his Palisman, about to hand it over to Emperor Belos. Everyone stopped what they were doing when I entered, turning to face me. Emperor Belos was the only one to recognise me.
“Ah, Y/n! A nice surprise! No need for any assistance. You see, Hunter here has been keeping secrets from us.” He stated gesturing to Hunter. “But Kikimori has saved us by warning us of his treason. He’ll be thrown into the dungeon shortly, and this…Palisman will be dealt with.”
At that, Kikimori was about to hand the Palisman to the Emperor. Rage filled me, and before I realised what I was doing, I had sent a spell their way. The Palisman was thrown from Kikimori’s hands, falling to the ground out of reach.
Everyone let out a gasp.
Tears overflowed from my eyes as rage coursed through me. “No one else’s Palisman’s are getting hurt under my watch.” I growled. Belos straightened his posture. “I see. You’re a traitor to our kind. Guards, get her!” He yelled. The guards holding Hunter let him go, charging toward me.
Using my staff, I quickly defeated them, swinging my staff against their skulls. Both fell unconscious.
Without thinking, I charged Belos. He killed my Palisman.
Before my staff made contact with him, he used his own magic to throw me against the wall. Yelping in pain, I stumbled to my feet. My vision was still blurry from the impact, hence why I didn’t see Belos walking towards me.
I was pushed back against the wall. Something was piercing into my neck, and I realised it was the Emperor’s staff.
“You’ll have the same fate as your Palisman.” He hissed.
Choking for air, my vision was getting darker and darker as I stared murderously into Belos’ eyes. I finally felt myself drop to the ground, the Emperor letting out a groan of pain as he was attacked from the side.
Strong hands lifted me up, helping me limp away from the scene. Hunter got his Palisman ready, ordering me to get on. Doing so, I left my staff lying on the ground, clutching his waist tightly as we escaped the castle.
I buried my face in Hunters shoulder as we flew over the Boiling Isles. Neither of us had spoken for a while, and honestly I was too shocked. Finally, Hunter spoke up. “Thank you for that. That was very courageous of you to stand up to him. Are you ok?”
“Y-yeah, I’m ok…where are we going? Do you have a place in mind?” I asked, looking down at our surroundings. We were near Bones Marrow (was that what it was called?), and I curious if he had a destination. Hunter smiles at my question. “I have a friend nearby. We’ll seek shelter there if she’ll allow it.” With that, he neared the forest floor, landing quietly in the bushes.
I looked up at the building in front of us. I knew this place, although I’d never been to it myself. This was the Owl House, home of one of the most powerful witches on the Isle, Eda the Owl lady. Well, WAS the most powerful.
Hunter walked up the doorstep, and was about to knock when a large owl tube on the door spoke up, startling both of us. “OOH VISITORS! FROM THE EMPEROR COVEN TOO! HAVE YOU COME HERE TO BE MY FRIEND?!”
The door opened, revealing Luz the human. Her smile lit up when she realised it was Hunter. “Hunter! Hi! What are you doing here? And who’s your friend? You aren’t…here to arrest me, are you?” She asked suspiciously, closing the door ajar as she squinted her eyes. I almost laughed at how childish she was.
“No, sorry to disappoint. Me and my friend were going to ask if we could stay for awhile? We…kinda left the coven.” Hunter said, gesturing to himself and I. I gave a little wave. Luz’s eyes widened in surprise, her smile returning. “Of course! Come in! We have…room for two more!”
Opening the door, she let us inside. Hunter stepped in first, but was stopped by an ice wall. He let out a yelp of surprise, and Luz was yelling at someone. “Lillith! Be nice!” Lillith? Where have I heard that name? It clicked when I caught sight of her.
There, in what I assumed to be human clothes, stood Lillith, my role model ever since I was a small witchling. I almost jumped up and down in excitement, if it wasn’t for the shock of the ice bars between us.
“Human! This is the Golden Guard! We can’t let him in here! What if it’s a trick?!” Lillith shrieked. Luz tried to calm her down, explaining that he’d changed.
Another woman stepped into the room, followed by a small demon with a skull on his head. “Alright, what’s going on here?” She muttered. Luz sighed in relief. “Oh thank god you’re here, Eda. My friends need a place to stay, and-“
Eda?
Lillith cut her off. “HE’S THE GOLDEN GUARD! It could be a trap!” She screamed, gesturing to the two of us. Hunter didn’t say anything, just let out a nervous chuckle. Eda only stared at us tiredly. “…..if it’s a trap we won’t hesitate to knock em’ out cold. Just let em in.” She grumbled, sitting on the couch as she drank something from out of a cup. Lillith stuttered indignantly, while Luz used what I assumed a random piece of paper to create fire. Melting the bars, she let the two of us inside.
A few minutes later, Hunter and I were sitting beside each other on two chairs, while Lillith, Luz, and Eda were sitting on the couch. He had just finished explaining what had happened with Emperor Belos mere hours before. Lillith had her arms crossed, staring at us suspiciously, while Eda was peacefully sipping at her apple-blood. Luz was holding the little demon, who I found out was named King.
Luz spoke up first. “So…now you’re wanted criminals?” She asked, concerned. Hunter pat his Palisman. “It would appear so.” He muttered. Lillith didn’t say anything, but it was obvious from her body language she didn’t trust us.
Eda the owl lady smiled comfortingly. “Well, I guess an enemy to Belos is a friend of mine. Welcome to the Owl House kids.” She chuckled. “Thank you.” I replied. Luz pointed accusingly at me. “AHA! YOU DO SPEAK!” She yelled. I chuckled. “So what’s your name, kid?” Eda asked.
“I’m Y/n. Nice to meet you all. Especially you Lillith!” She turned to me, raising a brow. “Why’s that, witchling?”
“You’ve always been a role-model for me! I feel so honoured meeting you in person!” I said, my smile brightening to finally have an opportunity to speak to my hero. Lillith smiled. “Thank you, witchling.”
A few weeks later…
Hunter and I had officially moved into the Owl House. It was a bit crowded but it became our home. Eda was teaching Hunter how to take care of his Palisman, plus how to use and treat it. I on the other hand, began to classes with Lillith and Luz, learning how to master glyphs. Sure, I still had my powers, but in case of emergencies I wanted to learn about these strange little symbols.
We had become wanted criminals that day, and our wanted posters were stuck up all over the Boiling Isles.
I felt a light tap on my shoulder. Turning around, I realised it was Hunter. “Hey Y/n, I have a surprise for you.” He said, grabbing my hand and leading me away from the Owl house. Dragging me through town, we snuck by many wanted posters of us.
He finally stopped outside of Hexside, a school I had once attended before joining the Emperor’s Coven. Knocking on the door, Principal Bump opened. “Ah, good you’re here! Just in time too!” He whispered, taking down another poster that was stuck to his door. He smiled down at the two of us. “Good to see you again Y/n. Come this way!”
Leading us onto the Grudgby field, I noticed Eda was standing beside a large, wooden stump. She walked over to us excitedly. “Y/n! Hunter had told us what had happened to your Palisman, so Bumpy, Hunter and I decided to give you a little surprise. I introduce to you…”
The Bat Queen flew down, landing on the stump and opening the door. Many Palismans with cracks ran out, looking around curiously. “To the Palismans! These little guys need a good home again, and one lucky one may pick you.”
My eyes widened in awe, as I clasped my hands over my mouth. Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes as I hugged Hunter, who was standing beside me. “THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!” I cried.
Realising what I was doing, my face heated up, and I immediately let go, looking away in embarrassment. He did the same, scratching his neck as a pink flush covered his cheeks.
Eda chuckled at our interaction. “Alright. All you gotta do is kneel down, say a goal you want to achieve and one should choose you.” She stated. I grinned as I knelt down, looking at all the cute Palismans scuttling about. “I want a powerful Palisman to help protect those I care about.” I said. One Palisman began to glow. It looked like a lizard from the human realm, but with a scorpion tail and sharp claws. I held out my hands as it turned into a staff, landing gently in my hands as the Palisman happily growled. My grin widened as I looked excitedly back at Hunter, hugging the Palisman close.
Everything was going to be ok now.
A/N: HOLY CRAP FINISHING THIS I REALISED IT PRETTY MUCH TURNED INTO A FULL BLOWN NOVEL-
#golden guard#hunter#toh#the owl house#spoilers#the owl house season 2#self insert#golden guard x reader#hunter x reader#x reader#reader included#reader#toh s2
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