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booglyoogly13 · 1 year

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Don’t Blame Me ~ Rafe Cameron x Reader (Mafia/Mob and arranged marriage AU)

PART 2

Hi! This is my first ever fanfic, I hope whoever reads it likes it. 🫶🫶

Warnings: Even more toxic rafe, swearing, smoking, and lots of crying from reader’s end because I really channeled how much I cry in this chapter

Word count: 1717

PART 1

not my gif, credits to the owner!!

The car’s engine starts and soon it’s pulling away from the one familiar thing I have. I look at the driver in the rear view mirror, then out the window when I see how I look, devastated and betrayed. We drive for what feels like hours when finally the car comes to a stop in front of a huge house, I wipe my tears away trying to pull myself together before I go into the house. The car engine shuts off and the driver opens the door for me, I thank him and walk to the front door and see Rafe standing there smoking another cigarette, he looks at me with disgust and that’s when I know he didn’t want this anymore than me. I put on a brave face and smile at him, holding the ring my dad gave me right in my hand.

“Hi,” I feel so nervous I might vomit but I keep it together and walk by him and into the house when he doesn’t answer. I feel Rafe looking at me and then I stop realizing I know nothing about this house or where to go. I turn and look at him and he smirks and walks towards me, “Why are you crying?” I scoff but say nothing, not trusting myself to speak in that. I take a deep breath and compose myself, “Where am I supposed to go, Rafe?”, he looks at me in mock questioning, “To sleep. Where am I supposed to sleep?” He rolls his eyes at me and walks ahead of me. He looks back to make sure I’m following him, he heads to the staircase in the middle of the foyer and points up the stairs, “First door on your left, do I need to show you left and right or can you do that on your own Princess?” I give him an angry look and walk up the stairs and to the left, my jaw dropping when I see the view from the room. “Wow.”

The window is huge and overlooks the gardens, which are perfect, i take a mental note to explore tomorrow. I walk into the bathroom and sit on the tile, that being my favorite way to calm down. This is the first minute I could take a breather and it feels good, I look at the ring my dad gave me, anger flowing through me again. How could he do this to me? Anger surges through me and I throw the ring across the room, “Fuck you!” I yell to no one in particular, my heart feels like it’s going to jump out of my chest and loud sobs rack my body. I hear someone walk into the bathroom but say nothing expecting it to be Rafe, “What’s all this fucking shouting for?” I turn at the new and unexpected voice and see a very big man looking down at me angrily. I turn back around to hide my tears and because he looks terrifying. He walks closer to me, his shadow looming over my sitting body, “I said, what’s all this shouting for?” His voice sends a shiver down my spine, the angry tone making me more angry.

He has no right to be angry at me, he’d be yelling if he was me too. I turn to him again, “Leave me alone.” I say as assertive as possible, but it must not do the trick because he smiles an awful smiles and laughs at me, “I’ll do whatever the fuck I want, want to know why?,” he doesn’t wait for an answer, “Because I’m Rafe’s right hand, and if you don’t start treating me with respect your first day here will be your last.” I shudder at the threat but don’t give up because I deserve it respect if he deserves it, “Fuck you, you might be his right hand but I’m like his wife or whatever the fuck.” He laughs again and I know that he doesn’t give a shit, out of the corner of my eye I see someone else walk into the bathroom and know it’s Rafe because I can smell the stench of cigarette smoke. I look at him and am met with his cold, blue eyes, if I didn’t know better I’d think he was a statue, “I didn’t know I married both of you,” I say to Rafe angrily, he stands taller and walks towards me and laugh, a dark, menacing laugh, “You just don’t get it yet, do you Y/n? You’re mine now,” he smirks at the fear in my eyes. He grabs my hand and looks at me as if asking, "Do you understand?" I scoff, “If I’m yours then why is he threatening me?” Rafe laughs but says nothing instead stepping back from me and lighting a cigarette and puffing the air towards me.

Suddenly, something in me snaps and I push at his chest, “Fuck you,” I say pushing on his chest angrily, “I hate you you piece of shit!” He looks at me for a second, shocked and then his jaw ticks and his eyes go back to their cold stare and when he speaks it comes out quiet, “You listen to me right now, if you ever do that again, I will kill you. I don’t give a shit who you are. Got it Princess?” I nod and he turns around, slamming the bedroom door shut behind him. I walk into the bedroom and fall into the bed not interested in being awake any longer, I crawl under the covers and fall into a restless sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wake up the next morning to the rising sun shining through my window and I yawn. I remember that I wanted to explore the house last night so i get up and walk out my door going down the stairs and walking down a hallway. I pass a large set of doors and open them and am met with the smell of books, I smile realizing it’s a library. I walk next to a large shelf of books, running my fingertips on the spines of each one. I stop when the shelf ends and there’s a door, I grab the handle and twist and walk inside, I stop once I enter when I see that Rafe and a few other men are in there, and having what looks to be a meeting.

My face flushes when I’m met with their stares, “I’m sorry,” I say quietly and turn to leave, Rafe’s eyes scan my body and he walks towards me, grabbing my wrist and pulling me into his chest. He puts his lips next to my ear and says, “Where do you think you’re going Princess?” I look at floor, scared to see his cold gaze looking at me. He puts his hand under my jaw and forces me to look up at him, “Don’t you want to discuss what happened last night?” He smirks when I look at him with fear in my eyes and I look behind him at the men waiting to continue the meeting, “You’re in a meeting though.” He shakes his head and looks at me like I’m stupid, “These men mean nothing to me,” he smirks, and walks toward the exit of the library, “Come here.” He beckons me with the flick of his chin and I nod, walking over to him, “That’s a good girl,” he says mockingly and my face feels like it’s on fire.

He walks up the stairs and into a bedroom that’s twice the size of mine and goes over to a bar, pouring himself a drink, “What do you think?” He asks looking around the room, I look at him confused, “Of what?” He laughs under his breath and walks closer to me, “Of our room, Princess.” I look at him shocked, our room? I just got a room last night. He laughs at my expression but says nothing so I speak up first, “I’m sorry for walking into your meeting earlier.” He shakes his head no and sets his drink down, “You’re sorry? No no no…” He flares at me like I’m stupid, “You don’t get to be sorry in my house.” I look at the ground, embarrassed again, “I’m sor-“ I cut myself off when I realise I was going to apologize again, Rafe looks at me mockingly confused, “Finish your sentence Princess.” I shake my head, scared that’s he’ll yell at me, “I didn’t mean to.” He looks at me like I’m a child who needs to be scolded, “You didn’t mean to?”, he laughs cruelly, “Then what the fuck did you mean to do hm?” He steps closer to me, forcing me to look up at him. He raises an eyebrow waiting for a response, “I,” I sigh, “I meant to say sorry but I always say sorry so I wasn’t thinking when I almost said it.” He scoffs and rolls his eyes, walking back over to his drink, “That’s pathetic. You always say sorry Princess? What a fucking joke.” My eyes fill with tears at his abuse but I refuse to let them fall, I turn towards the door, not wanting to entertain him anymore I mumble a fuck you as I grab the door knob and open the door but jump when it slams closed.

Rafe’s hand above my head, keeping the door closed, “What did you just say?” His eyes are filled with anger as he looks down at me and grabs my forearm, dragging me away from the door. I wince at the right grip he has, knowing it will turn into a bruise, “I said fuck you.” He jaw clenches when he hears me say it but he says nothing, instead pushing me away from him. I stumble backwards but catch myself before I fall. He takes a sip of his drink and talks into the cup, “Just remember that I own you,” I nod, tears flowing down my face, “Get the fuck out of my sight.” I open the door and close behind me, my hands shaking from what happened. I walk back towards the stairs and into my room, shutting the door and sliding down it, my trembling knees not able to hold me up any longer.

smut in next chapter!

#rafe cameron x reader #rafe obx #rafe cameron imagine #rafe x y/n #rafe cameron smut #rafe outer banks #rafe x reader #rafe cameron #outer banks

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hersurvival · 3 months

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This is one tough, be careful reading on

This used to be my neighbor's house

Before we moved deeper into town

And tonight I've found myself

Back here on Tipsoo Loop,

The only child at the party,

The rooms bustling with adults

A friend gave me a ride,

Said when we are ready

He'd let me stay the night

And we are...

How many drinks in?

Are we all out?

No, here's half a pint

Tequila

I'm so intoxicated already,

It tasted like it was nothing

I play a dangerous game

But, it's now too late

We crawl through the window,

Why?

Well, it seemed like a fun idea

We are shooting off bottle rockets,

We are stumbling across the street to the park

Wait! How did I get here?

Sorry, it all went dark,

We are already back at the house?

I'm throwing up

My friend is saying his goodbyes

Wait! Don't leave me!

I guess he offered

Too many rides home to others

I'm sobbing, I'm vomiting

Don't leave me here!

I'm out,

I come to,

He got me settled in a spare room,

On the floor alone, I'm cold

He leaves

Oh, God, I'm blacking out

Chunks of space and time

Come hurddling out of my mouth

There's gaps in my mind

I'm out

I come to,

Michael is here,

I smell the cigarette smoke on his breath,

We only just met

Wait! Please get out of my blanket!

I'm out

I come to,

I'm spinning, I'm choking,

I'm pleading

Wait! I'm throwing up...

I'm out

I come to,

His hands over my mouth,

My belt is ripped from my jeans

Wait! Please don't do this to me!

I'm out

I come to,

I see his blue eyes above me,

I'm begging, I'm trying to fight

Wait! I can't live with this happening twice!

I'm out

I come to

And he is sleeping,

I'm sticky, I'm shaking

Wait! I'm crying and praying...

I'm out

I come to,

It's barely morning,

I gather my clothes

And call my friend, make demands

He picks me up and drives me home

That's all I ever asked...

#tw abuse #tw sa #abuse #tw sex abuse #poets on tumblr #writing #poem #poetry #spilled ink #spilled thoughts #spilled poem #spilled writing #original writing

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taemys · 2 years

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Dear Tumblr

I don’t know who will read this. Maybe no one will, and that’s okay, because I just need some place to scream. I have never told any of this to anyone, even myself. And if by chance, it helps someone somewhere to feel less alone, then it would have been worth it.

I suffered from bulimia nervosa for eight years now. I still can’t believe it’s true while I write this sentence, and it scares me so much that I feel like the future is collapsing before me. I have no words to describe how tired I am and how alone I feel after all those years. I am beginning to fear that I will never get better and it’s suffocating, because I want to be happy so desperately.

I dream of a future when my fiancé can put his hand on my waist and I won’t want to cry. I want to sit in a chair without obsessing over the size of my thighs or the folds of my stomach. I want my weight to stop being my first thought when I open my eyes in the morning. I want to stop thinking about my body whenever I put my clothes on, whenever I walk by a store window or go shopping with my friends. “Can they tell? Can someone see this?” This infernal spiral is like a screaming bell at the back of my mind that won’t shut up until I finally give in to my urges. I feel like a slave to my own mind, and I watch myself as I force-feed my body like a paralyzed goose.

I’m pushing myself toward my own grave while fooling everyone, and that might be the saddest joke of it all: everyone thinks I recovered. That it’s a dark and confusing memory long gone behind me, that I went through some kind of “glowup” because I finally learned how to put pretty clothes and not talk trash of myself in public. But nothing changed. I’m still the same liar.

I could say that it’s Bulimia that made me one, but I lied way before I shoved a toothbrush down my throat. I lied from the moment I realized I was taller and bigger than other girls, and I lied even more when I saw the way I was eating wasn’t normal. I have hidden food for longer than I can remember and I have avoided meals as soon as my mother made fun of me. I became a professional at hiding the smell, at making food packages disappear, at counting calories and vomiting in silence when people were too close.

I became a contorted image of success, a walking lie that hides behind loud jokes, false confidence and misplaced advice. I used my false recovery to lift people up and tell them that no obstacles were unsurmountable, only to sob at night because I couldn’t bear the sight of my own body. It wouldn’t have been so sparkly, if I told them that I was ashamed to be naked in my own shower, that I sometimes fished food out of the trashcan or vomited in plastic bags, when a bathroom wasn’t an option. I couldn’t tell them about the cold sweat, the racing heart and the overwhelming panic that come with keeping food in your stomach.

Bulimia has made me selfish. I stole at supermarkets, I stole in my dorm, I stole at my office, I stole at my friends’ houses. Like a cockroach, I sneaked in the kitchen at night to stuff myself with food as fast as possible, and I froze in the dark every time I heard a noise. At some point, I even concluded that any form of care was wasted on me, because I would always end up choosing food. You want to give me money? It will disappear in benders. You want to treat me to dinner? I will throw it all up behind your back and come back with a smile. You want to bring me to a nutritionist? I will just use the opportunity to drop weight even faster. You will ask me if I am still struggling with my weight? I will tell you that you worry too much.

I choose food every single time and for a moment, for that terrible second where the void is filled, I am soproud. So proud of not getting caught, so proud of being able to eat without gaining too much weight, so proud of enjoying junk food in front of a show when others are working. And then the curtain falls and the ice cream sweetness is gone. You’re not a ‘sexy bitch,’ a independent professional or a struggling woman. You’re not even a victim.

You’re just some sad chick who gobbles some carrot cake in the shadows of her apartment.

Bulimia has been ruining every good thing in my life and I don’t even know what it means to live without it. I have wasted so many meals in high school that I could have enjoyed with my friends, but I was too busy running in the park to make up for the morning binge. It ruined my relationship with my family because their inability to resolve the problem had made them cruel and distant, and I never completely forgave them for turning their back on my illness. In the past, I have ruined my chances at dating because I was too insecure about my weight, and I never made the first step because I didn’t believe someone could love someone like me. But now that someone does, I guess it makes everything worse.

My lies no longer limit themselves to the outside world. I now became a full time, award-winning, pathological liar with the love of my life, and I can’t stop myself no matter how much shame I feel. I am stuck in a storm that won’t stop crushing me against the wall, and even though I may not deserve it, I am so tired of fighting.

I have seen so many psychiatrists who didn’t do anything aside from taking my money and forcing me to conduct my own therapy without any real exercise. I have given up talking to my friends and family because I either become a concern or an inconvenience. Why hasn’t she gotten over it, already? Should we let her snack since it might trigger her? Even though I pretty much live under the tyrannic rules of my eating disorder, I hate when I disappear behind it in the eyes of my loved ones, and letting them in always hurts so much. I can't talk to anyone. Nobody understands, and when they do, they just don't have the strenght to deal with it. I don't blame them.

I'm tired to be taken by surprise every time it comes back, even though it always happen the same way. Every time I try to love myself and move to another life stage, Bulimia always finds a way to explode in my face. And every time, I am reminded of who I am and I become more hopeless.

I don't know what to do. I'm drowning.

#eatingdisorder #bulimia #ED #annamia #mentalillness #weight #help

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casspurrjoybell-28 · 7 months

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Alpha's Temptation - Chapter 35 - Part 4

*Warning Adult Content*

It's dark again.

But somehow I can see my breath fogging up my vision.

It's from the cold.

Why is it so cold?

I try to move but it's like I'm sinking.

My feet are stuck in thick, freezing sludge, I realize.

My breaths now come out in panicked bursts.

"Ash..."

It's his voice.

I hate the sound of it.

"Ash. Don't hide from me...."

"I'm n-not hiding," I say back.

Why can't I see anything?

The sound of heavy footsteps comes closer.

I can't see anything else but my stepfather's beady, glowing eyes.

Eyes that burn with hate.

Then it goes dark.

I stare up into the void in terror, anticipating the pain.

"N-no," I wheeze in panic.

"Please don't... Please..." I whimper.

"D-Don't hurt me," I cry in a small voice, trembling as I shield myself with my arms.

The dark figure looms over me and it hits me that this feels all too real now.

"It's me, shortcake. You're safe," Daemon's voice filters through the air and I realize where I am now, the familiar nickname registering.

My eyes adjust to the darkness, seeing him clearly.

He looks strange, expression distorted by confusion and anger and worry.

All at the same time.

"O-Oh," I gasp, realizing I just said that to him.

A wave of nausea rushes over me and I throw the covers off me, stumbling out of bed.

I rush to the bathroom, slamming the door closed behind me as I fall on my knees at the toilet.

I clutch the seat, recalling the horrible image of my stepfather.

It's enough to have me vomiting up every last thing inside me, as little as that is.

I hear Daemon outside, his voice laced with concern.

"Ash?"

I hear a small knock on the door.

"Can I come in?"

"No," I snap, immediately regretting it.

But I can't have him see me like this.

I turn the lock on the door to make sure he won't come in.

"Are you okay?"

"J-Just go..." I yell as I fill up a cup with mouthwash, spitting into the sink to get the vile taste away.

Once I'm satisfied with that, I violently start to rifle through the drawers, trying to find my pills.

Did I forget to take them?

Maybe I can just take extra so these horrible thoughts go away.

So I can just be numb.

"What are you doing?" Daemon asks, more urgent now.

I ignore him, grabbing the orange bottle and hastily trying to pull off the cap but I do it to forcefully, breaking my fingernail instead.

"Fuck," I curse under my breath.

Ouch.

The doorknob starts twisting and I realize Daemons trying to open it.

"Stop. I told you..."

I lose hold of the bottle in my hands, sending it and all its contents scattering across the tiled floor.

"What are you doing in there? Open the door, Ash."

"I can't."

I start to cry.

"I can't do this anymore..."

"Baby," Daemon's voice starts out calm, then raises in volume.

"If you don't open this fucking door right now I'm breaking it down."

I sniffle, imagining how he must feel.

I'm making an awful situation so much worse by pushing him away.

I can't keep locking Daemon out.

In this situation or from me.

He's Daemon.

I trust him with my life.

He's the one that was there in my worst moments.

The man I fell in love with when he came to my window in the middle of the night just to make sure I was okay.

So I shakily stand up, opening the door.

The second I lay sight upon him, half-lit from the dim light of the bathroom, I've completely lost all resolve.

I collapse into him, burying my face in his chest as his crushing embrace surrounds me.

"I'm sorry," I sob. "I'm so sorry."

He picks me up by my waist so I can properly wrap my arms around his neck, hugging him as tightly as possible as my feet dangle over the floor.

"Don't be sorry," he says softly. "Just don't keep yourself from me."

Daemon doesn't talk for a while and neither do I.

I close my eyes, head against his chest as I slowly calm down, Daemon rubbing my back like he always does.

It's such a nice feeling, to be soothed where I used to be hurt so much.

Finally, Daemon speaks again, his voice deep and wrenching.

"Who did this to you?"

I don't know how to respond.

I can't even admit out loud that it's happened.

Should I take the first step, like my psychiatrist told me to?

Should I tell someone?

I breathe in shakily, glancing at Daemon.

Would he judge me?

I know Daemon has never judged me before.

But the more he knows... fuck, I'm just going back to the same thought process as before.

Daemon just assured me, gave me validation.

Telling him... is the least I can do.

He watches me intently, eyes observing my face.

He's waiting. Not pushing.

"Before I came here," I say so quietly Daemon has to lean in.

"I... I lived with my stepfather. He's the Head Alpha of Dark Moon."

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sirthisisa-wendys · 3 years

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Can I ask something like: reader being engaged to someone of the Zen'in clan (not willingly) and discovering that she is pregnant with Getou's child, which she's having a secret relationship. So this would lead to a huge conflict. Feel free to add smut or change anything if you don't feel confortable writing it! Thanks for your work. Lots of love <3<3<3

SOLD TO THE HIGHEST BIDDER (who happens to be me)

Arrangements: Geto Suguru x Fem!Reader

wc: 1.9k

tw: nsfw, angst, mentions of abuse

The priceless china teacup - the only one of its kind in the set of four - drops from your hand and to the dining room floor, where it shatters into a million pieces.

"No."

Your father looks at you with concern, as if you had just spoken some foreign language.

"No," you repeat, this time with much more emphasis. Didn't he understand the meaning of the word? Or was "no" not a part of his vocabulary?

"Unfortunately, you don't have a choice, y/n. You and Naoya have been paired together since birth, and it's now time for you to--"

"I said no!" You stand from the table and walk past your father to exit the dining room, pushing the door open with fury. As you stalk away from the arranged marriage to a Zen'in and your father, you feel tears well up in your eyes.

You scrub them away as you push past your bodyguard and into your room, where you lock the door. But the tears come faster than you expect, and you can't help but weep. It isn't until the sun goes down that you stand from your seated position and move to your desk, where the picture of you and your best friend sits, his black eyes glaring at the camera as you pinch his cheeks, smiling at him with glee. You were only five then, but if you knew then what would happen to you fifteen years later, you would have begged to run away with him much sooner.

The 'plink' of a pebble smashing into your window calls you out of your daydream, and you place the picture back down before moving to open your windowpane.

"You really could just knock," you advise Suguru Geto, who stands at your window with a silly grin on his face. "It'd be a lot less annoying."

"But what's the fun in that?" he wonders, climbing inside easily. "Plus, it gives me an excuse to find pebbles around the grounds. You know how I like rocks." You roll your eyes as he leans in, placing a deep kiss on your lips and wrapping his arms around your waist. "Mmm," Suguru hums. "You've been crying. What's new?"

"Nothing," you lie, but he tilts your chin up, examining your face.

"Looks like you've been crying for a while... Did your father say something to you at tea time?" You hold in a sob, lips quivering. "Perhaps a spat over something he sees as trivial, per usual?"

"Stop," you beg, pushing his hand away. "I don't want to talk about it."

Suguru steps back, rifling around in his pockets for something. When he produces the black stone, he hands it to you, letting your fingers drift over the polished texture as you consider opening up to the only man you love. "Here's one of my worry stones. You can rub at it and it'll take the negative feelings away."

You hold it in your hand, making a note to save it with the other pretty things Suguru has given you over the years in the box under your bed. You sit on your bed and he follows suit, laying beside you and sighing.

"Have you ever thought about running away?" you wonder, and Geto bites his lower lip thoughtfully.

"Sometimes. But then I remember that I can't run away from all of my problems, and I'd be leaving you behind."

"Maybe we should run away together." At your proposal, Geto puts his hands underneath his head, staring at the spinning fan.

"I can't condone that. You'd be running away from your problems, y/n."

"And? What does it matter if I only have you? Is that enough?"

"It matters a lot," Suguru mumbles, and you sigh. "I can't ask you to give up your life for one of hardship. I've been working on saving a bit of money, though. When I get enough, I'll buy a ring, come to your dad, and ask him for permission to marry you. Just wait a little while."

"We don't have a little while," you blurt, and he frowns. "My father wants to marry me off to some Zen'in, and--"

"What?" Suguru sits up, black hair falling down his back. "Say that again."

"My father wants to marry me off to some Zen'in," you repeat, and Suguru's eyes widen immensely before squinting.

"No, no, no... that can't be right," he breathes, and you shake your head.

"That's why I've been crying." Shock gives way to a blank look and he stands, running a hand through his hair.

"I have to go."

"Wait!" you cry out, but Suguru is out of your window in a flash, walking across your lawn without turning back.

_____________________________________________________________

The look Naoya Zen'in gives you is revolting.

When he strides into the room, your insides melt to nothingness and apprehension takes over. He circles you like prey, smiling at your shape and making lewd comments about your child-rearing abilities.

"Looks like you have a set of hips that are perfect for---"

"Naoya," your father chides, and the man slides his eyes to your father's face.

"Right, well..." the man clears his throat. "I would like to see what she's like by herself if you don't mind." Your father gives you a look that says 'behave' and you plead with him in your head to remain in the room. But he leaves you two alone, and that's when Naoya's face drops its smirk.

"Alright, let's be frank with each other." He leans forward on the table between you, lacing his fingers together. "I'm not in the business of making you feel good about yourself. You have to do that on your own. I'm going to tell you what I need when I need it. If you can't provide it, then you should seriously consider emptying that little head of yours of the idea that I won't remind you of your place."

You recoil at his words, lips curling up in disgust.

"And don't even think about replying with some smart-ass remark. I'm not the Chief of Hei for nothing." Bile rises up in your mouth at the thought of this swine being your betrothed, but you force it down, swallowing hard.

"I understand."

"Good. Now, let me see you turn around and walk out. I want to watch your hips as you walk away."

_____________________________________________________________

You rush into your bathroom and lean over the toilet, all of your consumed food coming back up. You vomit until nothing is left in your stomach, and dry heave for the rest of the time you're perched at the toilet bowl.

When it's all said and done, you wipe your mouth and flush, face redder than it was before you started feeling ill.

'Plink'.

Your head swivels to the window, and you rush to open it, coming face-to-face with Suguru.

"Babe..." he whispers, face flushed. "I brought you something." When he comes inside and sits on your bed, you consider telling him about the encounter with Naoya, but when he opens a small box, you're stopped in your tracks.

"Su!" You eye the small moonstone ring with curiosity, a smile creeping across your face. "Su, this is gorgeous."

"Solid rose gold and moonstone; your favorite." You slide the ring onto your ring finger and hold it up to the light.

"I love it... I love you." Suguru stands and brings you close to him, holding onto your head carefully.

"I'm going to take it to your father right now and--"

"I really wouldn't recommend you do that," a voice calls out from your doorway and both of you pull apart, startled by Naoya's sudden presence. "I had a feeling you'd be otherwise occupied." Naoya closes the door as he enters, smirking. "I should tell Mr. L/N myself that I've discovered this little tryst, but I think I'll let this poor man off the hook just this once." He turns to Suguru and gives him a deadly glare, crossing the space between them. "Leave. Don't come back here. I don't care how you feel or what you've done. But she's my property now, and no one other than me touches my things." Geto bristles at the threat, eye twitching.

"Make me, you piece of dogshit."

It's apparent that Naoya isn't quick to anger, but his fists clench in defiance. "I see," he breathes, letting go of his fists and running a hair through his light-colored hair. "You'll regret those words." And he leaves you two in the room, closing the door behind him carefully.

_____________________________________________________________

You stare at the little bump protruding from your belly in disbelief, fingers quivering over the skin. You try to recall the last time you and Suguru had unprotected sex and realize it was over a month ago, right before Naoya had appeared in your life.

The heavy onyx ring sits on your finger, reminding you of your engagement and the despicable man who had chased your lover away on that dreadful night.

Footsteps approach your room, and you quickly dress in your loose-fitting cotton shift dress, concealing any signs of pregnancy. Naoya throws open your doors and strides in, eyes looking about the room. "I have a little surprise for you, doll," he smiles, holding his hand out for you to take. Without hesitation, you grip it, knowing any delay could mean a swift backhand or a bruised wrist. "You'll enjoy this. I think I'll consider it my wedding present to you."

Naoya half-drags, half-walks you to the courtyard, where many of the townspeople have gathered, their faces somber and uneasy.

And chained to a post at the front is Suguru, his shirt torn and scrapes dragging across his skin.

"Just in time," Naoya chirps, pushing through the crowd and making you stand at the front, where Suguru could see you. His eyes widen, and he mouths something to you, but you shake your head, hands trembling.

"This man has been accused of stealing from the town's jeweler," Naoya calls out, circling around Suguru carefully. "And in his possession, we found a valuable piece of evidence." The accuser holds up a moonstone ring - your moonstone ring - showing it to the crowd proudly. "The punishment for theft is usually loss of a hand. But I feel that he should be delivered a much less barbaric punishment." Your heart leaps out of your chest, and you bite your tongue to keep from crying out.

Nothing Naoya would do would be less than barbaric.

"Fifty lashes are appropriate for the crime," he announces, and a man comes out of the crowd with a whip, standing behind Suguru with authority. Your eyes sting with tears, and you try your best to hold in a scream when the first lash lands across Suguru's back.

His black eyes are trained on you for the first fifteen strikes, but when the sixteenth lash rings out in the crowd, they begin to roll back, and he cries out in pain, voice echoing across the courtyard. Naoya sidles up beside you, gripping your wrist.

"See what happens when you sleep around with thieves?" he hisses, and you begin to weep, your vision blurring with tears. He chuckles and you hide your face behind your hands, sobbing furiously.

By the fortieth lash, you're all cried out, and Suguru's lost consciousness. His eyes are closed and his head lolls forward, hair drooping across his face. And when the man finishes, Suguru is left on the post, his blood and sweat mixing together across his back. You can hear ragged breathing after a minute of waiting, and Naoya goes up to Suguru's body, pulling his head back by his hair.

"Learned not to mess with my things?" he grins, and Suguru drags himself from the edge of consciousness to whisper,

"For y/n? I'd do it all over again."

The look of pure, unadulterated shock on Naoya's face is enough to haunt you every day afterward.

#jjk getou #getou suguru x reader #jujutsu kaisen geto #getou x reader #geto x reader #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #naoya zenin

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xxreader-writerxx · 3 years

Text

Found

Word Count: 3.7k

Dad! Fred Weasley x Fem! Reader (Granger and mum too)

Warnings: Cursing, mentions of food, sort of sad, abandonment issues, pregnancy, vomiting, not a lot but tell me if I missed any.

A/N: I'm obsessed with dad fred ok?

Y/N= Your Name L/N= Your Last Name Y/H= Your House, Y/N/N: Your Nickname

"I'm sorry! I-It's just that between the shop, and Umbridge, and my mum- It's all too much and I can't also-" Fred says as I feel tears drip down my cheeks. "You also can't have me? I didn't know that I was such a burden Fred. If I knew I wouldn't of burdened you for three fucking years." I say and he looks at me hurt. "No- No! I didn't mean that- Baby" He begins but I let out a choked laugh. "You can't call me that. No not when you are breaking up with me. That's not fair." I cry and he tries to move closer but I take a step back picking up the clothes in my closet. "W-What are you doing?" He asks and I throw his shirts at him as I grab his things on the bottom. "I can barely face you now. I'm not facing you to give you your things back." I tell him and I hear a choked cry. "Please don't do this. We can still be friends." He tells me and I laugh through my tears. "You can't call me a burden and say that shit line." I tell him. I turn around to see tears strolling down his face, barely any because of the fight he is putting up.

I finally cry and wrap my arms around him. He places his hand on my head and the other on my back, holding me where I was. "I'm so sorry" He whispers in my hair and I just sob into his shirt. He finally leaves when George calls him and I watch from my window the fireworks off in the distance. I sit down on my bed and feel myself break mentally. 'I don't know how I will do this on my own.' I think to myself staring at the pregnancy test I took yesterday. I was planning on telling him but when he clumped me in with his burdens, it was too hard. I just curl up into a ball crying until I fall asleep.

***

"HERMIONE HE'S DOING IT AGAIN- FINN" I yell as the baby flings his lunch at me. "SWITCH!" She yells back in the same worried tone. I grab Ginger my other newborn as she grab my spoon and place her on her tray. She fights me as I try to swaddle her and I plead her silently. I hear the doorbell ring and Hermione perks up. "Don't you dare-" She begins but I place Ginger in her cot and run out to see who it is.

I open the door and my breath hitches lightly. "Hey Y/n..." George says nervously. He looks up and does a double take. "A-Are you alright?" He stutters at my appearance. "Yeah just work getting ahead of me." I explain and he nods. "So... Watcha doing here? For the first time.. In a year..." I mumble the last part and he looks around confused. "Where's Hermione. She invited me saying something about needing to tell me something." He explains. "HERMIONE" I groan and she walks out and smiles at George. "You made it!" She exclaims and I point at her. "You're dead." I say and I run towards her angrily.

"WHAT THE HELL YOU CALLED GEORGE?!"

"LOOK I CAN'T TELL YOU ENOUGH THEY NEED A MALE INFLUENCE AND SURE AS HELL FRED WON'T BE IT SINCE YOU HAVE NO GUTS, HE'S THE BEST OPTION."

"I CAN DO THIS ON MY OWN" I yell back and she sends a firm smack to the side of my head. "YOU ARE 19 YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO!" She yells back and George finally made it over to us confused as hell. "As much as I love the Granger sisters fighting over me... This is not what I had in mind." He points and I groan at the sound of Finn crying. "Look what you made me do." I tell her and she gasps starting to rant again. I walk into the baby's room. I smile sweetly at the boy crying in his cot.

"Hi baby..." I whisper and he gurgles at me smiling. I walk over and pick him up, rocking him lightly. I sit down on my rocker and he swiftly falls back asleep. I reach my free hand to poke inside of Ginger's cot, her hand wrapping around my finger. I smile at the two and hear a gasp. "Y/n-" He begins and I shush him softly, not taking my eyes off my baby boy. "He's asleep." I whisper, too distracted by my ginger baby to register what's going on.

"W-Who are the parents?" He asks kneeling in front of the rocker to rub a knuckle against his head lightly. "They're mine..." I whisper and look up, a tear dripping down my face that clearly gives away my happy smile. "What do you mean? Its only been a year since you two-" He stops realizing what happened. "Is this my nephew?" He asks smiling softly at him. "Maybe." I whisper and he looks at me smiling with tears sliding down his cheeks. "C-can I hold him? Or her?" He asks, guessing at the colors of their sleeping sacks. I smile sweetly getting up. I hand him Finn softly and he gasps at the size of the baby in his hands. "Y/n- You're 19. How- Why?" He asks and I sigh, rubbing my knuckle into Finn's chest lightly. "My sister has helped but honestly I don't know. It's been a crazy year." I explain. "I'm willing to help. Especially now." He tells me and I smile.

***

I pick up Ginger trying to put her shoes on her as she gurgles in protest. "Hey baby you gotta wear shoes now that you're walking, that's the deal." George explains and she gurgles lightly as if she understood. He's fighting Finn to get his shoes on and I finally put on Ginger's. "Tough ones we got here." He says, wiping sweat from his brow. His arm getting hit by a flying tantrum going on next to him. He looks at him and shakes his head chuckling. He scoops up the almost two year old in his arms and laughs. "He is a kicker." He tells me and we finally get them dressed. "Ugh we really need to stop bringing them to the shop, its getting risky." I tell him and he laughs as if I said the best joke ever. "There is no way these kids are being raised without knowing the joke shop, and plus Fred is off on Wednesdays." He explains and I nod curtly.

We walk to the shop talking about the kids who are settled on our hips. "So I will take up cleaning tomorrow if you bring them to the park the next day and I think there might be a Hermione visit. And I bought some baby food with solid because I don't know if they will still like it-" I begin but get cut off by George chuckling. "You are overthinking this. You are a great mum and if they won't eat solid, you have a blender." He explains and I nod. He's been amazing at calming my anxiety when it come to the kids. He took the role as helpful uncle and comes over all the time but makes sure he doesn't overstep. I make my way inside the shop and he makes his way to customers. I get to the till having Ginger in her stroller next to me. Every hour he switches with me saying they need time with their mama.

The shop finally closes and he helps me with the stroller up the steps. We quickly make our way to the room and Ginger gets up waddling to his bed. I fold his clothes as they play on the bed. I hear a muffled conversation as me and the kids stay quiet. He walks in and Finn gasps reaching out for him. He hands him the milk and Ginger whines until we pass the milk quickly to her. She lays on her back playing with her feet as she drinks her milk.

"These kids..." He laughs. He grabs Finn and opens the door. "Fred's gone don't worry. He will be for the next hour." He tells me to my worried expression. I nod and he comes back with Finn in a new diaper and hands him to me. "He has been kicking me lately. The little bugger." He says rubbing his arm. I laugh and nuzzle my nose against his. "He's obviously like his father." I state and he nods smiling.

***

I make my way into the shop searching for George as the two toddlers point out everything. I hear Ginger gasp and bolt. I run after her clutching on to Finn. I look around scared as shit I lost my baby. When I hear someone talking to her.

"UNCLE RORGE!" I hear her squeal and I laugh realizing she found her uncle. "What sweetheart? Where's your mother?" I hear a voice ask laughing. "Uncle Rorgeeee. You promised me you would bring treats!!" She complains as I look for the aisle they're in. "I'm sorry little one but I'm not George. I'm Fred. What's your name?" He asks and I freeze. "Isn't Red daddy's name?" Finn asks and I can't answer. He slides out of my grasp, obviously knowing where Ginger is. I yell after him and see the man Ginger was talking to. I gasp lightly and she's giggling.

"Uncle Rorge that's not your name! Your name is Rorge. R-O- MUMMY! I FOUND UNCLE RORGE." She points out. "There's your mum. Hello ma'am- Y/n?" He asks confused. "C'mon Ginger. Uncle George is probably somewhere." I say not answering I pick her up as she cries saying Uncle George is right in front of her. I quickly scoop Finn up and quickly walk to find George. "Y/n! What- Crap its Wednesday." He says shocked. He grabs Finn from my hands and bounces him lightly. "UNCLE RORGE TEL-TELR- HE USED A PORTAL" Ginger tries and I nod rubbing her hands. "You- Oh no- Oh shit- Oh sorry-" George stutters. "I'm going to hide in your office now-" I state and he grabs my hand. "You need to face him. He is their father." He tells me and I wipe a tear from my eyes. "I can't George. Not yet." I say and he drops my hand nodding. "C'mon then." He tells me and I walk to the office with him.

I hear banging on the door and it finally opens. "Y/n-" He gasps and I ignore him playing with Ginger. "Y/nnnn" I hear him say again. "Yes Fredrick?" I ask and he tugs my shoulder playfully and George walks in. "Great, your on babysitting duty." I say and George tries to protest but I try and bolt. Fred stops me. He moves carefully so I can't get past him. "A-Are you sheep dogging me?" I ask and he shrugs. "If it works. Now when did Y/n Granger start babysitting?" He asks and I try to move past him. "Two years ago. When you broke my heart, remember that?" I ask and his smile turns into a frown. "I've been trying to get a hold of you. Every day for an hour I question Hermione or someone." He tells me and I laugh. "Anyways- I need to-"

"MUMMY FINN 'OOK MY BLANKET!!!" Ginger screeches. I turn around and George is trying to help the best he can. "I- They fight over everything-" He tries and I laugh walking over. "C'mere baby." I say to Finn. I take the blanket from his hands and he sobs. I grab the dummy and pop it in his mouth, calming him instantly. "Mummy?" He asks and I sigh. "They're two." I explain. I watch the gears turn in his head. "I- No- Wait- Are- What- No-" He stutters, shocked. "Yep. Meet Ginger and Finn Weasley- Well Granger-Weasley. Felt wrong to take the fathers name out." I explain and he collapses to his knees. "UNCLE RORGE! THERE ARE TWO!!!" Ginger states, finally looking around.

***

"Mummy. Mummy. Mummy. Mummyyyy." I hear Finn complain next to me. "Yes light of my life?" I ask sighing. "When's daddy coming? And when's dinner? And why are bananas curved? And why are me and Ginger's hair red when yours is brown? Do we get that from Daddy? Where is daddy?" He questions. "Finny- Baby- Daddy is coming in twenty minutes. Dinner will be done in an hour. I don't know, I need to google it. Yes daddy gave you ginger hair. And on his way." I explain turning so we can google it together. "Ok so bananas are curved so they can get sun." I explain. He nods and slides out of my lap. "Thank you mummy!" He yells behind him as he runs.

The doorbell rings and I open it to see Fred. I give him a quick hug as we all sit down for dinner, Fred answering all of Finn's wild questions as I listen to Ginger tell me its paghetti not spaghetti. We all finish and I clean the dishes while Fred reads them a story. He walks out and sighs laughing. "Ginger just had a long ass argument about how an elephant not a giraffe was in Africa. She does not realize that she can't read." He tells me and I laugh. "She refuses to admit it. Yesterday she tried reading to Finn. Pride and Prejudice was a ballsy move." I explain and he laughs. "My girl would do that." He says. "Want to watch a movie?" He asks and I sigh. "Fred you need to head home soon." I tell him and he nods sighing. "I know... But can't two friends watch the thrilling and sexy adventure of- Aurora?" He says picking up a random tape.

I laugh and take the tape shaking my head. "I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea Fred." I tell him, poking his nose. "Then let's make it the correct idea." He boldly puts. I chuckle taking the blankets from the couch. "What do you mean Fred?" I ask and he moves to hold my arms lightly. "I want to be yours. And- And I want you to be mine." He states and I look at him shocked. "Don't do this Fred." I whisper and his smile falters for a second. "Do what?" He asks softly.

"Don't do this." I say circling my arms between us. "Fred I love you but based off of three years ago, you don't love me. And I finally found my peace with that. But please. Please do not say you love me when I know you don't. I love that you are such an amazing father that you would throw yourself into an unhappy relationship just for them. But I can't. I don't want fake. I want your real love. And I won't allow myself to accept the man I love to say he loves me when he doesn't." I rant and he pulls me closer. "That's not why I'm saying that. Please." He whispers the last part, placing his forehead against mine. "Fred. I'm not going to be a burden again. That's why I couldn't tell you about those two amazing kids in there. I'm not using them as a way to have you again." I say and he looks at me with hurt eyes. "At least allow me a movie. Just a movie. I don't care if you say I don't love you when I do. But I just want to hold you again." He whispers and I sigh. "A movie."

I sit down on the couch and he slides next to me. "I do love you, more than the world." He whispers and I feel my eyes sting from tears trying to leave. I hear Ginger cry and I get up instinctively. "She's been having bad dreams lately." I tell him wrapping my jacket around myself. "Sit down. I got her." He tells me and I nod sighing.

I hear the baby monitor register him entering their room and I grab it to see what's going on.

"Daddy!" She sobs clutching to her fathers shirt. "Hey little one. What's wrong?" He asks calmly, wiping her face. "I had a bad dream. I got up and Finn was gone and mummy and you. Then there was a dragon and it chased me!" She sobs and he holds her close nodding. "Look baby. There's Finn. And mummy is right in the living room." He assures her. "But every time I wake up you aren't here anymore. You always leave. Why can't you stay? Mummy makes pancakes every Wednesday and she tells us they used to be your favorite. And- And why don't you stay?" She cries into his shirt, breaking his heart. "I'm so so sorry baby. I would stay. I would. But I can't right now. But I promise I will be one day." He tries. "Why don't you and mummy have rings?" She suddenly asks and he looks at her confused. "What do you mean baby?" He asks and she digs her face into his shirt more. "Sophie's mummy and daddy have rings. And they always hug. Why do you and mummy not do that?" She asks and he smiles at her softly. "Because mummy and daddy are a little different than Sophie's." He tells her and she pouts. "Don't you love mummy?" She asks and he sighs. "I do baby. Very much. But some things are harder than others. But I promise. I will always be here for you. And I am so sorry for all that lost time but I promise, I will make it up to you." He whispers. They stay there quietly hugging until Ginger finally drops her head, quietly sleeping. He smiles laying her on the bed assigned to her and tucks her in softly. "God I love you. More than the world." He whispers, almost exactly how he said to Y/n moments before, with the same look in his eyes. Love.

I wipe my eyes hearing him walk out. His eyes are puffy but he shows no sign of sadness on his face. "Fred?" I whisper and he looks over smiling. "Yes?" He asks and I sigh. "Make me a promise." I tell him and he nods confused. "If I do this. You have to promise me. Do you actually love me or do you just love our children?" I ask and he laughs. "I love you all. Y/n you are the love of my life. Why are you asking this?" He asks and I finally kiss him. He perks up in surprise but he slowly melts into it. "God I love you so much." He whisper in between the kiss. Finally we break away chuckling as he smiles at me. "Want to watch our movie now? I was told there are some sexy adventures in Sleeping Beauty." I ask and he chuckles sitting down on the couch. "I also wanted to say, I might have promised a ring in the future." He suddenly says and I laugh holding up the baby monitor. "Shit I forgot we had that." He laughs and I kiss hiss jaw lightly. "Guess I caught you." I whisper and he laughs.

***

I wake up in my bed thinking last night was a far-fetched dream and smell smoke. "Fuck he is too much like his father." I whisper to myself. I run out and the twins are no where to be seen. I see Fred and he is throwing toast in the trash sadly. "Watcha doing?" I ask and he looks up sighing. "Trying to make breakfast..." He groans sitting down. I walk over and rubs his shoulders as he hums lightly. "Its Wednesday you blessing of a man." I whisper and he chuckles nodding. He turns, puckering his lips and I kiss him quickly. "Get the two arsonists awake please." I say as I grab a pan. He groans moving closer to me. "Why ruin the fun so early?" He asks, his hands sliding around my waist. He kisses my neck as I lean my head away slightly. "Mmm... As much as I would love to, the muffling spell is going to drop at any given moment and Finn is a light sleeper. The boy will tell Ginger we didn't wake them up and they will plot." I explain and he laughs at the thought.

"DADDY!" I hear Ginger yell and Finn runs out to find me. "DADDY'S HERE!" He tells me and I gasp. "He is?! Does that mean we should make french toast?!" I ask and Finn tugs my pyjama bottoms. "NOOO WE NEED TO MAKE PANCAKES!!!!" He whines and I laugh nodding. "FINN! CMONNNN" Ginger yells as she pulls Fred behind her. "COMING! WE'RE WATCHING TV WITH DADDY!" He tells me and I smile. "Go on then!" I tell him.

I finish making pancakes and we all eat together. Fred gets up and Ginger grabs him. "What baby?" He asks and she shoves her face into his leg. "You're leaving aren't you?" Finn asks and he smiles at Ginger, picking her up. "Just to the bathroom. Me and mummy thought you two would like a daddy day. I'm staying here for the whole day." He says winking at me. They all cheer and he moves over to kiss the top of my head and walking to the bathroom. "Mummy..." Ginger whispers. "Yes?" I ask in the same hushed tone. "Daddy kissed you." She tells me and I nod. "Yes he did." I whisper and she giggles happily.

***

I wake up to feel Fred moving around. "What are you doing?" I ask sleepily and he kisses my head. "Finn peed his bed, I got it though." He whispers and lays down next to me. "Does he need a bath?" I ask and he laughs. "Covered." He tells me and I smile nuzzling into his arm. "My hero." I mumble and he chuckles. I start to feel woozy and I rush out of bed. "Darling?" He yells behind me. I throw up into the toilet as I feel my body shake. He rushes in and grabs my hair into a ponytail. "Darling! Oh my god this is why you don't let me make meals." He tells me and I laugh weakly.

"I feel like now is a brilliant time to tell you. I might be pregnant." I tell him smiling. "Surprise..." I whisper doing weak jazz hands.

#fred weasley #canon #george weasley #fred and goerge weasley #fred and george #hermione granger #ron weasley #Fears #hogwarts #gryffindor #hufflepuff #ravenclaw #slytherin #smut x reader #fred weasley x reader

196 notes · View notes

hes-writer · 4 years

Text

Trial (4)

Summary: harry and y/n face the truth

Warnings: angst, a tiny bit of fluff

Word Count: 4249 words

A/N: thank you so much for supporting this series !! @devilinbetweenthesheet-s. I will do the taglist later in the day :)

EDIT: idk why the ‘read more’ is not working. I apologize for the scrolling!!

Part 4 of the Tarnish series!

___

Harry was crying.

Admitting his feelings when he was younger was quite a task for him. Now that he was nearly in his thirties, the journey of being vulnerable with himself and with his feelings became easier with each emotion that he permitted himself to submerge in. Harry validated those emotions--he was allowed to experience them because it makes him human. It added texture to the ever-growing mosaic that painted who he was as an individual. Adding to the people that surrounded him, influenced by their kind-nature and the goodness of their heart to become who he was now.

And now, it seemed like his emotions increased tenfold. The clench of his abdomen and the harsh jolt of his chest forced his slouched shoulder to stay deflated. His breathing hitched as sobs threatened to take over, throat sore with the effort to keep it all in because Harry was smart enough to know that these emotions coursing through him right now were ones he wasn’t validated to feel. Paired with the latest information that that little girl being held by another man was his own daughter--and that the woman who was glowing with her caring, motherly-instincts was supposed to be his family; it broke him completely.

Quaking thoughts circled his brain and punctured his muscles as if they were attacking him not only mentally, but physically as well in exchange for his past mistakes that he couldn’t quite place if he deeply regretted or not. Was it a mistake to cheat on Y/N? To leave her alone in the exposure of the public eye while she was carrying his child in her tummy?

Harry should have known the day she fell sick and vomited in their kitchen sink. He was, sadly, too busy throwing a subdued celebration of finally having time alone with Camille. He should have noticed the way her face brightened with radiance. Or the way her cravings for strawberries and pickles either grossed her out or completely compelled her to consume more than she usually would.

But Harry guessed that that was around the time his efforts went out the window because he didn’t have to pretend to care as much anymore. Camille appeared to be his one and only. With their relationship coming so close to being revealed and Y/N having one foot out the door, Harry let fate play out the rest. Don’t get him wrong, Harry still loved Camille; that was why his slashed heart still throbbed at the sight of her watching over her little cousin, yet knowing that the topic of children was still not a card on the table.

The distress that he was feeling right now was core-shredding, heartbreaking grief that left a hole in his heart. The worst part was that Harry didn’t exactly know how to fix it or whether he even could. As he walked to his car with hands jammed into his pockets, he was grateful that the hood of his sweater hid his face and the tears sliding down the slope of his cheeks.

His senses were in overdrive, figuring out how to fix the mess he created. Wanting to run up to Y/N and ask her why she didn’t tell him, needing to feel his little girl in his arms. Pinching his skin to transfer the pain he felt in his heart because of the thought that he missed his baby’s first words, her first steps. Was it ‘dada’ that babbled out of her mouth? Did she reach out for Connor when she stumbled over nothing when she walked on stubby legs? Did Y/N mention his name to her?

“Harry!”

He kept on walking despite the hushed call of his name, assuming that it was a fan that caught sight of him and wanted a picture. Harry adores them, but now is hardly the time to fake a smile or act like his life didn’t just flash right before his eyes--quite literally.

The vehicle beeped as Harry pressed the ‘unlock’ button on his key fob, just about ready to pull the door open and shield himself from prying eyes. He flinched when a hand fell on his shoulder, “Harry,”

He looked up to find Gemma panting, resting her hand on the roof of the car, “Are you. . .alright?” Her drifting eyes inspected his face, tinted a slight pink and moist with the salty liquid dripping from his tear ducts.

Huffing in annoyance, Harry clutched the handle to let himself in. Gemma followed his actions, shutting the door and locking it. The tinted windows of the car provided a semi-private enclosure that was filled with Harry’s sniffling and Gemma’s heavy breathing, trying to catch her breath.

“H-her name is Halo,” Gemma began, gulping when Harry paused his ministrations, straining his ears to listen despite the dull thud occupying his vessels. “She’s almost two years old,”

“You said you didn’t know,” Harry’s gruff tone echoed. Gemma anxiously rubbed the ends of her palms against her jeans. “Why didn’t you tell me? You knew all this time and y’didn’t tell me,”

“I-I was--she didn’t want me--”

“Why would she tell you and not me? I’m the one that dated her,” He raised his voice with every syllable he spoke. The frustration he felt from seeing the woman he once loved living the reality they shared together, except he wasn’t anywhere in the picture and that reality was only a fantasy in his life now. “It doesn’t make sense,” He rested his forearms on the wheel, facing the car’s symbol.

“The baby is yours, Harry,”

His head quipped with speed, grazing his forehead on the rounded leather but that pain didn’t amount to the new wave washing over him. “W-what?”

“It’s really not my place to tell,” Gemma said nervously, making eye contact with Harry’s searing yet teary gaze. “She wanted to tell you but you were so happy with Camille. She was posting these things on her Instagram about your trips and Y/N called me crying because you looked so free and happy without her. Y/N didn’t want to ruin what you guys had by dropping this on you,”

"That's-that's my baby?" Harry stuttered over his words while tugging his head out of his memories. Gemma nodded in confirmation. “Then why in the world was she--Halo?--calling him ‘dada’?

“Look, Harry, you’re not stupid. You know why Halo called Connor her dad,” Gemma spoke slowly, “This is a conversation that you need to have with Y/N if she lets you,”

At the mention of the man’s name, Harry couldn’t help but be filled with anger. He barely knew this man yet he received everything that Harry wanted in life. ‘But she’s my kid. I’m her dad. I’m the one who’s supposed to give her kisses and make her laugh,” He mumbled quietly as if his inner thoughts were far too strong to be kept in his mind

He was staring mindlessly at the numbers on his dashboard, hands gripping the leather steering wheel to try and ground himself. "But if that's my baby, how can she call someone who's not her father, dad?" He whipped his head towards Gemma, searching for validation that would make him feel better but the siblings were aware that he lost that title three years ago.

“I think you know you lost that place in their lives,” She reached a comforting hand to pat his arm, feeling just how tense he was under the fabric.

Harry shrugged her off, pinching his brows and pursing his lips as sadness began to swirl down the drain only to be replaced with resentment, irritation and bitterness. The taste on his tongue was hot with anger and his ears felt warm as he wheezed air instead of opting to yell his dissatisfaction near his sister.

“This isn't fair. She's m’baby too. Connor is not her father,” He spat with venom, “I am,” A pointed finger poked his chest. "She knew she was pregnant when she left me. She’s so fuckin’ selfish. How could she do this to me?

Gemma was quick to remind him of his actions, "You cheated on her, Harry.” Gemma cowered back at Harry’s beady eyes glaring at her with an unreadable emotion, stone-cold. “Maybe you should go home. Calm down a little bit,”

“No!” Harry cut Gemma off, “Need t’a hear her say it myself,”

Harry didn’t know what his plan was when he harshly slammed the car door behind him, practically storming on the patches of grass like a mad man. It wasn’t hard to spot the picture-perfect family sitting on a park bench which brought a scowl to his shielded face. He wanted to give Y/N a piece of his mind and it wasn’t necessarily the nicest thoughts that crossed his brain.

Halo was sitting on Connor’s lap while he was feeding her a peeled cupcake. Red velvet with cream cheese frosting—-Harry felt like he was punched in the gut. The baked good was Y/N’s specialty and it had a lot of sentimental value to both of them. It was what she baked for their first year together. He could vividly see her frosting-dotted nose, aiming to splotch the cream on his cheek while she laughed. Harry wrapped his arms around her, hugging Y/N from behind and proceeding to kiss her sweet cheek, leaving the perfect opportunity to stain his skin with the frosting.

But he didn’t care if he was smashed headfirst into the cake (as long as it wasn’t ice cream cake)—Harry just wanted to see her smile and hear her laugh heartily.

Y/N was snuggled on Connor’s shoulder, fixing Halo’s hair as she made grabby hands at the confection. He cannot lie--Connor was a handsome man. Harry rarely felt intimidated or insecure, but seeing that this man managed to snatch everything Harry could ever want seemingly in a blink of an eye; Harry felt very jealous.

He pouted, eyes rimmed red and lips quivering wishing that Cory or Connor--whatever that little shit’s name was would disappear so that Harry could take his place instead. Actually, it was his spot in the first place. Only if he didn’t mess up, he thought. He missed Y/N so much! Seeing Y/N in her element of niceness and bright-gleaming smiles sent a truck full of sand down his throat as he gulped his emotion below the surface. The closer he got to them, his vision tunnelled towards Halo; brown, flouncy curls and a cute dimple embedded in her cheek as she giggled, accidentally knocking the cupcake on the ground.

If that wasn’t symbolism staring at Harry straight in the face; a sign that their so-called relationship really had no chance of reprieve. Harry chose to ignore it.

Connor clutched Halo tightly against him, crouching down with a napkin to clean up the scattered cake on the ground. Y/N was the first to notice him, her forehead creasing as her eyes bulged at the sight of Harry walking towards them. She subtly poked at Connor’s arm, hurting Harry even more because it meant that Y/N felt uncomfortable with his presence.

He was close enough to read her pink lips, “We should go,” matched with Y/N’s frantic actions of packing the juice boxes and the Tupperware of cupcakes into the tote bag beside her. Connor searched the park until his gaze landed on Harry, protectively shielding Halo from him.

Is he serious? Harry thought. That’s my own daughter.

Speaking of Halo, the two-year-old happily continued munching on her new cupcake, frowning slightly when Connor stood up, “Why we leaving, Daddy? Did I do somethin’ bad?”

Y/N sighed, they promised that Halo could play at the park all day and now it was cut short because of a certain someone.

“No, you didn’t, bub. Let Daddy explain at home, okay baby?” Connor hitched Halo higher on his hip, hoping that she wouldn’t ask any more questions until the trio left.

“Who’s that?” Halo asked, pointing at Harry only metres away from them. Her stubby finger outstretched at the stranger in front of her, eyes bright and sparkling with curiosity. There was no sign of recognition painting her green orbs.

Harry gulped, wanting so badly to scream “I’m your dad!” but he knew that Y/N will add that to the list of his mistakes he had made.

“No one, angel,” Connor planted a kiss on her head, looking over at Y/N who had finished packing everything up. He tilted his chin in an attempt to scare Harry off.

But the thing was, Harry was already scared. He could feel his stomach in his throat but vomiting wasn’t the right word to describe it. His heart drooped deeper than the levels of the Earth. He was scared because his family was right in front of him but he couldn’t touch them or hug them in his arms. He was only allowed to look from the outside because there was a small possibility of being forgiven.

“Y/N. . .” Harry began hesitantly. The surge of confidence he had decreased with each passing second. He kept a close eye.

Y/N shrugged the strap on her shoulder, “Leave us alone, Harry.”

He felt his anger disappearing, a new emotion cascading his tear ducts and the blood in his veins. Harry looked back in retrospect; she really did mean it when Y/N said that she never wanted him around again. “I just want to talk. Please, let’s talk,”

“She doesn’t want to talk to you, Harry,” Connor interrupted, grabbing the bag from Y/N and wrapping an arm over her shoulder, guiding them away from Harry. “She’s happy without you, mate. can’t you see?”

Harry kept his gaze trained on Y/N’s face, actively avoiding eye contact but drifted when Halo’s frown caught his stare. The little girl’s chin was hooked over Connor’s shoulder, squirming in his arms in an attempt to stop him from walking. Halo was smart enough to know that Harry’s expression screamed sadness and her mummy said that “you need to find a way to make them happy” if someone was sad.

“Wait!” Her shrill yell caused both Connor and Y/N to turn around. A piece of Harry’s heart shattered on the floor when Halo pulled Connor down by the nape of his neck, small hand leading his ear next to her lips. Then, she did the same to Y/N, pointing at Harry which caused him to straighten his stance, wanting to impress his daughter even though there was no point.

The couple shared a look before ultimately having Connor walk closer to Harry. Halo gripped her cupcake towards him, “‘ere y’go hawwy,’ She still couldn’t pronounce her ‘r’s’ yet.

Harry began to sob.

It was his daughter and those were the first words she had uttered to him. She didn’t know him yet Halo treated him with kindness and it ripped at his chest because Y/N must’ve taught her that. His palms became wet as tears streamed from his eyes, dampening the sleeves of his hoodie. He didn't care about looking foolish in front of them, not when his daughter saw him as a stranger and called Connor her ‘dada’.

Halo recoiled at the sudden reaction, her lips curving downwards, “Dada, mama, he’s cwyin’,” She tucked her face at the junction of Connor’s shoulder and neck, scared that she made him cry. Halo didn’t mean to make him cry. She felt so guilty that she started spilling tears of her own too, her face contorting into a scrunched expression as her mouth wailed open sobs, matching Harry’s.

Harry’s first instinct was to take a step forward and comfort Halo but he was rendered frozen when Connor shot him a glare, shifting Halo’s body out of reach and he could only see her face over the man’s shoulder. Y/N dimmed her eyes, brows pinching when she couldn’t help but let a smidge of sympathy wash over her. She muttered a few words to Connor, pushing him by the small of his back towards the parking lot.

When they were out of earshot, Y/N faced Harry, “What were you thinking? Are you trying to mess everything up again?” He tried to cut in, “Isn’t it bad enough that we’re talking about this in public? Why must you ruin everything, Harry?” She whisper-shouted, trying her best not to garner them any attention.

“N-no, Gemma told me and I jus’ wanted to see her--and you. Wanted to hear the truth come out of your mouth,” His large hands jammed into his pockets to prevent him from fiddling with them.

“Look, you have no right coming here,”

“I know that b-but I--,”

She held a palm up, “I’m not sadistic like you Harry. If you thought that I wouldn’t let you around her then you’re wrong. As much as I hate to admit it, I do miss you and I wish that you were there for us when we needed you,”

“I had no idea--,”

“Will you let me speak?” Her tone carried irritation. “But we’re alright now and we don’t need you anymore.”

Harry never thought that those statements would ever come out of Y/N’s mouth. “Don’t you think I deserve to get to know her?”

She sighed, “Deserve? Definitely not.” He nodded in agreement. “But I’d live in regret if Halo never got to know her real father. . .”

Harry’s expression lit up, hopeful eyes shooting glances at her, “D-does that mea--? Are you--?”

“You can see her. You can get to know her but only because you’re Halo’s father,” Y/N took a brave step forward, ignoring the way her heart throbbed as if she was being stabbed by a thousand knives. Painful memories drifted in and out of her train of thought until she shook her head to muster them out. It was in the past but she could never forget the feeling of hopelessness taking over her whole body.

With a hand on his shoulder, she continued, “Anyone can be a father and you’re just that. Don’t think that you’re entitled to anything more. You will never be her dad. Connor is. Understood?”

Harry took a deep breath and swallowed a heavy gulp, “I. . .understand. Thank you, Y/N. For letting me back in when I don’t deserve it,” He glanced at the two tiny figures piling in the car. He could just imagine himself plucking little Halo into her booster seat, booping her nose as she asked for the hundredth time why she had to sit at the back and not at the front with them.

“I’m not finished,” She deadpanned, “You are going to be there for her. Not for me, not for us because our relationship is over. You can hurt me as you did before and I can accept it but don’t you dare try to hurt her,”

And it was true. Having endured his painful game once before, Y/N was stronger now. She could take heartbreak as agonizing as that but she wouldn’t dare stand seeing Halo’s teary eyes staring back at her, asking why Harry had left them. She was far too young to experience the feeling when a piece of herself is ripped apart.

“I won’t hurt her. I promise,”

“I heard those words come out from your mouth years ago and look where we are now. Once you hurt her, it’s over.”

“Y/N, t-that’s hardly fair. I am her dad, aren’t I?” Harry cleared his throat at Y/N’s raised brow.

“No, you’re not. We just went through this, Harry.”

“Don’t call me that,” He muttered quietly because she only ever called him ‘baby’ or ‘h’.

“Will you stop? I laid out my cards. If you want to even have a speck of presence in her life, then you have to abide by what I said,” She crossed her arms in defence, “You will never be Halo’s dad, Harry. Connor is her dad. I don’t know how many more times I have to repeat this before it gets through you thick head,”

He opened his mouth to talk, “No wiggle room whatsoever?”

“No. Do I have to write a letter for you to understand that?”

In a moment of hurt and despair, Harry spat out, “Might as well, yeah? Waited over two years to tell me anyway,”

“Are you kidding me?”

His throat ran dry, realizing that he just ticked another box to favour against being a part of his daughter’s life, “I-I’m sorry. I didn't mean to,”

“Whatever. Are you willing to make the sacrifice?”

“This isn’t the place to talk about this,” Harry suggested, wanting to have some sort of foot on the ground so he doesn’t feel like he’s topping over with guilt and sadness. “Maybe you can come over to my house,”

Y/N shook her head, glancing briefly at her phone when it buzzed, “No. I will not step foot in that house again. If you really want to discuss it, you can come over at our place,”

“Your place?” Did they all live together? Well, that was another slap to the face. Not only was Connor playing dad to Halo, but he was also part of the household. Harry’s face must have contorted into a grimace because Y/N sighed softly.

“Yes, our place. Meaning all three of us,” She gestured behind her. “I have to go. You can probably get my number from Gemma; you can text me then.”

“Yes, yes! Of course, I want to talk to you. . . about this, I mean,” Harry lowered his enthusiasm. The small voice in his head reverberating that this was not about him and Y/N; this was about Halo.

“And make sure you don’t bring anyone else,” Y/N said sarcastically, subtly pointing in the direction of the paparazzi hiding behind some bushes. Harry was usually good at spotting them but today was just a puddle of hurt and confusion. “I don’t want her having to read nasty things like I did,”

What Y/N said may have been a side comment, but Harry couldn’t help but take it to heart. Was this a good idea? Sure, he wanted to be a present dad in Halo’s life. However, is it worth it to stir unwanted drama? If only he didn’t cheat on Y/N, all of this could have been avoided.

With his mind in a haze, Harry barely noticed Y/N’s figure moving away from him. He jogged to catch up with her, laying a gentle hand on her shoulder. Harry felt numb to the way she shrugged her touch off of her immediately, “Were you ever going to tell me about our daughter?’

Y/N stared at him quizzically, tilting her head a little bit sideways, “I thought I did? Wait!” A look of recognition plastered across her features, “I did try to tell you but you blocked me before the message sent through,”

Harry gulped with realization. He blearily remembered bitterly blocking her number just as she texted “I need to tell you something,”

___

Y/N: Since you’re not picking up my calls

I need to tell you something

Y/N took a deep breath as her thumbs tapped on the letters slowly as if to withhold the news from him. She was not at all ready to reveal that she was pregnant and that he was the father but Y/N knew that it was the right thing to do. Despite the fact that he was currently out of the country on vacation somewhere on an island with sandy beaches with Camille. Y/N was aware that this spike of courage was rare and so, she had to do it now.

Y/N: I’m pregnant

And you’re the father

She locked the device as soon as she pressed the arrow to send the message, clutching the phone close to her chest and shutting her eyes so tightly that it hurt. Minutes passed with no response and Y/N was shouldered by curiosity to check if he had sent anything back or simply left her on ‘seen’.

It was neither. The screaming red exclamation mark surrounded by a circle indicated that she had been blocked.

___

The times when she left missed calls on his phone were for a reason much bigger than the two of them. Y/N didn’t call to beg for him back or to ask Harry to want her again. He was ashamed to admit that he had rolled his eyes upwards every time he clicked on a voicemail she had left, stating, “Hey H, it’s me. Call me back when you hear this. I need to talk to you,” which he deleted without a second thought. She didn’t text him endlessly to politely ask for her things packed and settled for her pick-up because Y/N could not bear to spend another second in a room with him.

It wasn’t that at all.

Y/N was physically moving farther and farther away from him, settling herself into the car before driving off to hers and Connor’s shared house. Halo sat in the backseat, singing along to the radio.

Harry was surrounded amidst the joyful squeals of children and reprimanding voices of their parents.

He stood alone with no one but loneliness by his side and the brisk flash of cameras in his peripherals.

_____

Let me know what you thought!

———

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narrators-journal · 3 years

Text

Life after the fact

CW: mentions of some nasty stuff related to kids.

First part: Here

For the next few days you were a mess. Between the morning sickness and the guilt of having murdered someone, you were throwing up every bit of food or water you tried to digest, every shadow and small noise in your crappy, dirt cheap apartment at night sent you into a break down, sickened more with fear and the force of your sobs when you got overwhelmed. You never felt like you could relax, everything was nerve-wracking, and especially when you went outside. However, as the weeks passed, you got a handle on your fears. You weren't exactly okay, but you forced yourself to adjust and move on as best you could. As if the paranoia wasn't enough, you also had to deal with being pregnant on your own now. Oh god, I should've just stayed with Illumi! What the hell am I supposed to do about this whole thing?! You thought one night as you sat in your windowless bathroom, curled around the toilet, vomitting from the nerves, nausea, and violent sobbing, I wish I could just go back...apologize and just go back to the way things were. you lamented as you sucked in shakey, cold breaths that burnt your throat. It wasn't like you'd planned this far ahead, your escape attempt was a heat of the moment thing, fuelled by the fear of what might happen after you gave birth and the gut feeling that your partner would doom your child to a life akin to his own, which was definitely not a normal, healthy, or happy one. So, now you were left to suffer the last, stubborn thrashes of winter alone, in a crappy little apartment with walls so thin you could feel the last icy wind of winter when it blew, struggling with pregnancy symptoms and relentless paranoia of what will happen if or when Illumi finds you. After that night, you decided it was best to do what you could to lessen your stress, but that was easier said then done. For one, no matter the steps you took to ensure your safety, taking jobs great distances from where you live, whipping up a fake identity to use for work, limiting how often you went out, you could never fully convince yourself that you were safe from the Zoldyck family. Another thing that stopped you was your financial situation. You managed to nab a bit of cash from the car you'd stolen from the butler, using most of it on a cheap car, but, while a reasonable amount still, you still ended up taking up a job as a maid-for-hire of sorts, and usually your employers would tip you terrifically when they figured out you were pregnant, but with the gas bill, food, and the sketchy amount of rent you had to pay, you had little to nothing left to save for a better place or the baby. Finally, you realized after looking into it at one of your employer's homes during your break, that you were too far along in your pregnancy for termination, since at that point you were somewhere in your fourth month, so that left you with almost no other option than to find a way to give birth. After that, you just settled for having the child at home to avoid the paper trail a doctor's office would need and than leaving the baby at a church. They'll take the kid in and put it into foster care, which is a safer gamble than the Zoldycks. You thought, wiping the beginnings of tears from your eyes as you drove to the day's job. For the remainder of the day, you focused on your work, cleaning up toys, doing and folding laundry, making beds, the usual duties for this particular household, and did your best to not think about your past. That is, until you heard someone knock on the door while you were upstairs mopping the bathroom. The sound instantly sent ice down your spine. It felt as if the world skipped a beat in time with your heart, but at another knock, you took a deep breath and inched towards the distant door. Your heart thundered in your chest so hard that it hurt, but you picked your way down, staying away from the windows and doing your best to move stealthily with the slowly growing bump of your stomach until you could look out of the front door's peep hole. Thank the heavens it was simply your employer, a neatly dressed, glasses clad woman who you'd heard was a lawyer or CEO of some sort, not an assassin. So, just as she gave a third, more impatient knock, you opened the door, "I'm so sorry ma'am! I couldn't move too quickly to get to the door sooner," you said, not meaning to sound near hysterics, but at least that made you sound super apologetic as the woman huffed in annoyance, "It's fine, I just had my entire day upheaved." she said, walking in and you swiftly shut the door, not thinking much of the figure you saw standing at the roadside from the corner of your eye, she commonly had other helpers here when you were, it was likely just a gardener or someone to bring in her bags. "First, I burn myself with coffee at 6 am this morning, than I have to drive three damned hours to the airport just to find out my business trip was cancelled because the client decided to cut ties with my work! Ugh, don't get me started on tr-" The woman paused her ranting and hair adjustments suddenly, looking at you with concern and confusion on her dark-skinned face, "Are you alright, dear? Why are you crying?" Her voice was gentle, all annoyance gone when she'd realized you were upset, but it still made you jump and feel a small spark of guilt at the show of vulnerability, something you'd been fighting to repress. But your emotions had been so unpredictable recently, it only made sense that you failed. "I-I'm sorry, I don't know what's come over me," you sniffed, scrubbing at your tears as she put a reassuring hand on your back and led you to a chair, letting you sit down, "Don't worry about it, I just thought I was the one to upset you. Are you sure you're alright?" You nodded as she looked you over, looking so parental and compassionate, it made your heart hurt. And just like that, even more tears were falling onto your clothes as a sharp knife of loneliness cut through you. You did your best to at least slow the streams of tears, but seeing this woman you hardly knew be so motherly and understanding reminded you of your own mother, or maybe those times Kikyo had helped you through the beginnings of morning sickness or nausea. Either way, your boss' actions hit a chord and now you were trying not to bawl while she offered you tissues and talked you down from the hormonal extreme. "I see now, must be the pregnancy talking." she laughed a little, "when I was expecting my eldest, the mood swings never really left, and just about anything would set me off. I remember one time, my husband had made me breakfast and I ended up sobbing over it for a good five minutes while he was just mortified." she said, giving you a comforting smile when you weakly laughed. Finally, when you were past the violent sobs, your boss helped you up and led you to the kitchen so you could splash some water on your face and she could get you some tea to help you relax. Once you were settled down at the table, warm cup of tea between your hands, your boss sat at the table with you and let you take a few sips before asking, "So, do you have any plans set for the baby?" she asked, and you felt her warm eyes drawing out all of your issues. You started out pretty vague, admitting you weren't really sure of what to do, but that soon led to you going into detail about how you didn't think you'd be keeping the child and probably putting them up for adoption since you couldn't afford them. You told her that you felt so bad for the decision, but you didn't want to raise your child in poverty or worsen their quality of life in general, which your boss understood, laying her dark hand on yours soothingly as you spoke. For the next hour or so, you sat with the woman and she helped you through all of your options. You told her that the father of the child wasn't the best, so she explained good ways to limit contact and how to keep track of every instance of neglect, abuse, or anything of the sort just in case things required lawyers and courts. By the time you'd left her home for the day, you were feeling much better about your situation, and while your plans to put the baby up for adoption hadn't changed, you were much more confident in the steps to go about it. You kept that job for two or three more trips, telling your boss of your plans to stop after that. She understood perfectly and made sure your pay was doubled, "Pretty soon you'll come up on being six months, you won't be able to do a lot in your third trimester." she pointed out after you refused to accept her money, but that wasn't the only kind thing she did for you. No, on your second to last job with her family she had basically spun you around at the door and herded you out to her car. "I understand you're trying to keep as low a profile as possible, but I can't in good conscious not have that child checked on." she told you as she drove you to a check up, patting your hand and just letting you bawl, but she refused to let you apologize for her helping. In fact, when you thought back on the drive after the appointment, she seemed somewhat sad, but you couldn't exactly place why and on the drive back you didn't want to ask and open an old wound. So, you simply didn't say anything about it and went home that night with knowledge that so far your baby seemed fine, and a tip from your boss to find some time to relax more, "Make sure to destress as best you can, it's good for your mental health and the baby." she advised, as motherly as ever. So, you decided on your drive home to give that advice a shot. At least once. So, after your last job with that family, while spring time was beginning to really settle in outside, leaving a crisp but fresh feeling night in the wake of a lukewarm day, you had borrowed a book from a neighbor and ran yourself a warm bath to hopefully relax in, even if you likely wouldn't be able to get out of it super easily when bedtime rolled around. Despite that fact, sinking into the warm water felt like heaven to your aching back, breasts, and hips. So, you relaxed in the water for a long while, two hours or so, just reading the book and occasionally putting your hand on your belly to feel the baby kick. The only thing that could've made the night better was if you had some scented candles and maybe a shoulder rub, but you were content with settling for this. All around, the night was near perfect, and that was somewhat because you refused to let your anxiety at the little creaks of your floor or the sounds of your neighbors opening their own doors in the ratty old hall destroy your good time. Eventually, you did get out of the cooled water with some work and got dressed in your comfiest clothes before going to bed, feeling rather happy and relaxed, and thus falling asleep rather quickly. That night, you had quite the weird dream. You weren't a stranger to nightmares about Illumi or the Zoldycks, but this dream was much more melancholy. At the start, it was pretty normal, a nonsensical flurry of dream-logic-fuelled, stream of consciousness, but than things got a bit easier to follow, and the dream took a turn from non-sense, to a bittersweet dream of laying in bed with Illumi again, letting him feel your belly and generally being happy with an undertone of 'something's off' to it. When you woke up the next day you were hit with a tsunami of yearning for that scenario, or any scenario that meant you got cuddled and comforted, and didn't feel so crushingly alone. For the twentieth time since the beginning of the month, you thought of returning to the Zoldyck estate, or at least making it easier for your fiance to find you, but than your common sense kicked in to stomp out that fantasy. No! If I go back my life will be more than just miserable boredom and restrictions. It'll become worse than hell! Illumi will be pissed beyond belief and will probably do something extreme to me! Your fearful inner voice had a point, Illumi had already threatened you when you'd asked to go out without him that day, he'd undoubtedly do worse to you for not only trying to run, but staying gone for so long and putting your baby under so much stress. Oh god, what would he do if I miscarry? The mere thought of his reaction was enough to settle the debate. You'd stay gone. You'd put up with the apartment that smelled of wet dogs and smoke, the paper thin walls, the exorbitant rent, you'd leave your baby at a church once they were born, and you'd go off the grid. If you could help it, you'd never go back to face Illumi and his family.

#Illumi x reader #sequel #outrunning obsessions #hxh #hunter x hunter #x reader #sequelette #Illumi zoldyck #fanfiction #quotev

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ilovefandoms102 · 4 years

Text

Love me Harder-Part 5*

Pairing: Rafe Cameron x Pogue!Reader

Summary: Falling in love with your sisters sworn enemy probably wasn’t the best idea…

Note: The time has come and I could not be any happier! I am so in love with this series and just Rafe in general. Mental health is so so important guys, I still struggle with it to this day. If you guys ever need anyone to talk to I am ALWAYS here. Stay safe and DO NOT be afraid to ask for help.

Ok so now that the sad part is over this is my warning that this part will NOT be for the faint of heart as in this shit is about to be so fuckin’ dirty.

Part 4 Part 6

=====================================

I woke up completely entangled with Rafe, our legs were twisted in odd angles, my head was buried in his neck, one of Rafe’s hands rested on my ass while the other was holding me close to him at my back, and this was honestly the best I had slept in a while…

I placed gentle kisses from his neck, to his jaw, and stopped on his lips. Rafe stirred in his sleep, his hand on my ass squeezing slightly before pulling me tighter to him. I repeated my process a few times until his eyes finally fluttered open, puckering his lips slightly which made me giggle. He rolled on top of me, settling himself between my legs. His tongue danced with mine despite our morning breath, which neither of us cared about. I wrapped my legs around his waist to pull him further into me, feeling his morning wood brush against me.

“Hey y/n I-oh.” my sister called as she barged into my room.

“Yes Kiara?” I growled, Rafe awkwardly tilted his body to the side as he avoided looking at Kie.

“Never mind, I’ll um...ask you later.” she stammered, quickly shutting my door on her way out.

I grabbed Rafe’s cheeks and slammed his lips back to mine, rutting my hips into his. He moaned deeply into my mouth, my hand about to make it way south when John B burst into my room.

“Y/n I need-” he stopped mid sentence, slowly backing out of the room.

“Probably not best to do this here.” Rafe pointed out, kissing my red cheek.

“Guess I’ll just spend the whole day horny,” I grumbled, pouting as I crossed my arms.

“I think our first time together should be special, not a quick fuck in your room in hopes all the kids don’t barge in here.” Rafe chuckled, kissing my pouting lips.

=========================================

I had a short shift today which Rafe accompanied me to since his dad had nothing for him to do today. I made him his own set up in the corner booth at the back of the restaurant so if I just so happened to go steal a kiss or two my dad wouldn’t see. I did cheat a little and took some silverware to wrap back where Rafe was so I could sit with him, and I even put him to work a little and had him help me.

“So, there’s a party at Top’s tonight,” Rafe spoke, his eyes flicking to mine as I tensed.

“A Kook party, haven’t been to one of those in years.” I sighed, my leg starting to tap nervously.

“I wanted you to come with me, but if you don’t want to go we don’t have to.” he suggested, nudging my foot with his.

“I don’t know Rafe...the Kooks don’t like me.” I murmured.

“Everyone likes you, don’t be ridiculous.” Rafe scoffed, chuckling when I rolled my eyes.

“Won’t the little Kook girls be upset to see you with someone?” I grinned, Rafe shaking his head as he smiled.

“They can be upset all they want, I got a hot ass girlfriend, and I plan on keeping her for as long as she’ll put up with me.” he smirked.

I leaned over the table to kiss him, tasting the beer he had been nursing the past few hours on his tongue. He chased after my lips when I pulled away, grabbing the back of my head to give me another wet, tongue filled kiss.

“Rafe, my dad or my sister could come out here.” I giggled, pulling out of his hold.

“I can’t help it, I just want to kiss you all the time.” he mumbled, my heart melted to my toes.

“As adorable as this is, I need help.” Kiara sighed, rolling her eyes when I smiled at Rafe.

“You guys are seriously too much.” Kie rumbled as we were walking back to the kitchen.

“You’re just mad because you won’t admit to liking Pope.” I smirked, her gasp sending me in a herd of giggles.

“That’s not fair!” she huffed, crossing her arms over her chest.

“DAD!” We both yelled.

“Knock it off you two,” he mumbled.

=========================================

“I don’t know about this guys…” I mumbled as I was getting ready for the party.

“Well I think it’s a bad idea.” JJ imputed, his mouth full of a sandwich he helped himself to.

“JJ I wouldn’t ask for your advice if the house was burning down.” I scoffed, smiling at his offended look through my mirror.

“I hate to say it...but I agree with JJ.” Pope sighed, my eyes snapping to his.

“I can’t just bail on him, he’ll be so upset.” I pouted.

“What’s the worst that could happen?” John B asked, Kie shot daggers at him from across the room.

“There are so many things that could go wrong, like-” she started, but I was not going to let her spend two hours with every possible scenario that could happen.

“I’m going to stop you right there Kiki,” I chuckled, turning my attention back to the task at hand.

“All I’m saying is that maybe you shouldn’t go.” she mumbled, rolling her eyes.

“Gotta say after you takin’ that club to the side, I’m not all for this.” Pope said, casting his eyes to the floor.

“I know, but I doubt we’ll stay long. Rafe said he has other plans besides the party.” I shrugged, laughing when they all pretended to vomit.

“Ok I did NOT need that visual.” Kie groaned, throwing her head back dramatically.

=========================================

“You alright baby?” Rafe asked as we walked to the front door.

“Yeah, totally.” I lied, fidgeting with my fingers.

“You’re a horrible liar, we don’t have to go.” he insisted, grabbing one of my hands to kiss the back of it.

“No, no these are your friends and I should at least attempt to um...get to know them?” I said as more of a question than a statement.

“We won’t stay for long, I think I have some other things in mind for us to do tonight.” he said slyly, my heart beginning to thump in my chest as he led me into the house.

“My boy, and I see you brought our resident traitor.” Kelce laughed, bro hugging Rafe.

“Watch your mouth, that’s my girl you’re talkin’ to.” Rafe said with mock humor in his tone, Kelce threw his hands up defensively.

“Come on man, I was just playin’” Kelce scoffed, handing Rafe a red solo cup.

“What do you want to drink sweetheart?” Rafe questioned, giving me his signature smile.

“Whatever you have is fine.” I spoke, shuffling nervously on my feet as I gripped his hand tighter. He handed me a cup, and I took a huge swig, hoping that this would ease my nerves.

=========================================

This was definitely the worst decision of my life. Rafe had ditched me not long after we arrived, leaving me sitting on the couch by myself. I wasn’t sure how long I had been sitting there, but I had about had it. I was so angry with him, and I wished more than anything I had just stayed home.

I shot up from the couch, going to find him so I could leave. I was not going to sit around and only be a convenience to Rafe when we weren’t on Kook territory. I gasped in horror at the sight before me, rage and sadness building up inside of me. Rafe stood with the resident Kook whore Emily, laughing with her, and to top things off, he leaned down to whisper something in her ear. My mouth hung open in disgust, heart shattering into a million pieces. Rafe chose that exact moment to turn around, his face falling when he saw my expression. He made his way over quickly, but I beat him to it before he could speak.

“I can’t believe you,” I hissed, jerking away when he tried to reach for me.

“It’s not what you think, wait, baby please let me explain.” he rambled, but I couldn’t stay to listen to the rest of his excuse. I walked as fast as I could out of that house, not turning back.

“Y/n! Stop baby please!” Rafe called, I could picture him running his hand through his hair.

“Fuck off Rafe, I’m sure Emily is missing your company.” I spat.

“No,fuck, would you please just let me explain?” he tried, but I was already in my car before he finished speaking. He knocked on my window, pleading for me to talk, but I instead turned on my car and left him standing there.

=========================================

I slammed on the breaks, tearing out of my car and stomping up the stairs. The other Pogues greeted me at the door, confusion written on their face. I felt the tears come then, my heart breaking even more if that was possible.

“Fuck, you guys were right.” I sobbed, John B threw his arms around me to hug me to him. The other Pogues joined in as well, all of us standing in the doorway as I cried in their arms.

I sat in my room, staring at the ceiling as silent tears ran down my face. I wanted so bad for Rafe to be different, but he proved tonight that he was just like every other guy I’ve been with. Fuck, I was falling in love with the guy, and now everything is ruined. I had never been so incredibly happy then when I was with Rafe. I felt like I could be myself, and he understood me better than even my own family.

I saw lights appear in my window, but I didn’t bother to get up to know it was more than likely Rafe. I heard the truck door slam shut, knocking on the front door moments later. Since my room was right by the front door, I could easily hear the conversation happening.

“I told you what would happen if I saw her shed one tear because of you.” John B growled.

“Guys seriously, it’s not what you think.” Rafe sighed.

“So she’s just crying for the hell of it?” JJ laughed humorlessly.

“Look...she means a lot to me. Do you think I’d be here, begging for her forgiveness if I didn’t care about her?” Rafe rambled, no doubt his hair was a disheveled mess.

“Let him go,” Kie piped in.

“What?” all three boys questioned.

“This is the happiest I’ve ever seen my sister... and I can’t- no I won’t let her be unhappy. Even if it’s Rafe making her happy, I will gladly keep it that way.” Kie explained. I heard some shuffling before my door creaked open, Rafe peeking his head in.

“I don’t want to talk to you,” I grumbled, rolling over so I was facing away from him.

“Let me explain myself, please.” he pleaded, and I felt the bed dip down on the other side.

“You were supposed to be different, I-I believed you weren’t who everyone said you were Rafe.” I sniffled, letting out a quiet sob. Rafe spooned himself against me, wrapping me tight to his chest.

“I promise you, it’s not at all what you think.” he insisted, pressing a gentle kiss right below my ear.

“Then what is it when you lean down to whisper in some bitches ear and both of you laugh?” I griped, trying to pull away from him, but he held me tighter.

“I was trying to set her up with Kelce.” he blurted, my eyes rolling.

“Bullshit Rafe,” I scoffed.

“No that’s the honest truth, you can read my messages, and I’ll even call him.” Rafe said, leaning his cheek on my shoulder.

“Well you looked awful cozy with her.” I grumbled.

“I’m sorry if it looked that way, it was not my intention.” he promised.

“There’s also the fact that you ignored me all night,” I griped.

“I know, I’m so so sorry baby.” Rafe sighed.

“You know the Kooks don’t like me Rafe, you practically fed me to the vultures.” I pointed out.

“It won’t happen again,” he insisted.

“You’ll be lucky if I ever go to a stupid party again.” I muttered, turning around in his hold.

“So am I forgiven?” he asked, a hopeful gleam in his eyes.

“No,” I chuckled, Rafe groaned and buried his face between my breasts.

“You have to work for it Cameron,” I said, raking my fingers in his hair.

“Okay baby, I can do that.” he smirked against my skin.

“Can I take you somewhere?” he asked quietly, peaking up from my chest.

“Sure,” I nodded.

=========================================

Rafe drove down the coast line for a few miles until we got to the most gorgeous view I had ever seen in the Outer Banks. Rafe backed his truck in, my feet carrying me out the door as soon as he put it in park. We were right at the break of a spot where you could see the ocean perfectly without having to get up close, and just above the palm trees you could see the beautiful night sky. I don’t know how I hadn’t seen this place before, and I felt a surge of strong emotion that Rafe had brought me here. He took a blanket from the back seat to put over the bed of the truck, leaning against the edge of it.

“I know you like the sound of the ocean.” he mumbled, looking down as he wrung his fingers.

“What?” I whispered, slowly turning to him.

“I-...anytime I’ve seen you at a kegger, you’re always by yourself down where you can hear the ocean.” Rafe explained, reaching out to pull me against him.

“How observant of you,” I giggled, turning in his hold so I could look up at the stars.

“I come here a lot...mostly to get away from my family.” he confessed, leaning his chin on my shoulder.

“I can definitely relate to that,” I chuckled, relishing the feeling of the warmth from his arms on the rather chilly night.

“I know, so now if you need a safe spot to go you’ll always have one.” he hummed, kissing my cheek.

“It’s so beautiful out here,” I sighed, staring at the bright stars that stuck out among the millions of others.

“Just like you,” he chuckled.

“If that’s your way of trying to kiss up, that is a very poor attempt.” I laughed, feeling Rafe’s chest rumble as he joined in.

“I’ll try something else then.” he mumbled, moving his hands up and down from my hips to my waist. I tensed slightly as his nose skimmed my neck to my ear.

“L-Like what?” I stuttered, cursing myself for it.

“How about....I eat you out.” he said huskily, biting down on my earlobe. I inhaled sharply, my thighs rubbing together at the thought of it.

“Hmmm baby? Would you like that?” he asked, trailing his fingers towards my shorts.

I nodded my head, quickly turning to face him. Our lips smashed together, sloppily moving our tongues to taste each other. Rafe lifted me on the edge of the truck bed, his big hands traveling up my thighs. I wrapped my legs around his waist, pulling him impossibly closer. I ripped off my shirt, my bra going next. His hands immediately came to my nipples, twisting and playing with them. I pulled his shirt off too, feeling his naked skin against mine. Rafe made quick work of ridding my shorts, taking my underwear with them. He pushed me to lay back, my breathing coming in short pants as I waited for his next moves.

Rafe placed gentle kisses from the inside of my knee up to where I needed him, leaving love bites in their wake. His tongue took a slow lick all the way up my heat, moaning at my taste. I gasped loudly, my eyes closing tight. Rafe threw my legs over his shoulders, clamping his hands on my thighs so I couldn’t move them. I choked on a moan as he feverishly started to lick and suck everywhere, discovering the sensitive areas that left me breathless.

“You taste so yummy sweetheart, all for me. Could your other little boyfriends get you as wet as I do baby?” he breathed out against me, even just his breath had me arching my back.

“No, no Rafey they didn’t,” I whined, moving my hips to get more of his tongue. He took one of his hands to feel me, moving it to collect some of my wetness and spread it around.

“So pretty, all mine.” he spoke, easing one finger in before adding another.

“Rafe,” I gasped, my hand weaving through his hair to tug slightly.

His fingers curled inside of me, vigorously moving his tongue on my clit. I squirmed in his hold, feeling my impending release so close. Rafe switched his positions, using his tongue to lap up the slickness while his fingers rolled my clit. He was hitting all the right spots, something no other guy I had been with before could do.

I moaned so loud when I came on his tongue, whimpering when Rafe lifted my ass in the air to drink up the cum leaking out of me. I pulled on his hair harshly, quickly becoming overstimulated. He moaned into me and I started shaking, already feeling another orgasm spinning down my spine. My thighs locked around his head when he sent me hurdling over the edge again, a mix of a grunt and a moan leaving my lips.

Rafe sat me down gently, licking around his mouth for leftovers of my cum. My chest was heaving as I sat up to pull Rafe down to my lips, tasting myself on his tongue. My hands felt the hard muscles of his abdomen, slowly making their way up to his chest. I raked my nails over his nipples, earning a satisfied groan from Rafe.

I scooted myself back, Rafe removing his shorts before crawling up after me. I pushed him to sit down, settling myself between his legs. He was very well endowed, bigger and thicker than any guy I had been with. I grabbed the base and squeezed my way to the tip, watching the precum ooze. Rafe cursed under his breath when I let some of my saliva drip down on him so I could move my hand better. I started twisting both of my hands, leaning to leave kisses up his neck. I bit my mark on the hinge of his jaw, soothing the bite with my tongue.

“Could your little Kook girls get you off Rafey?” I whispered, rubbing my thumb over the sensitive areas to make him moan.

“Fuck no,” he growled, taking a fist full of my hair.

“Mhm, ‘cause this dick is mine right?” I asked hotly, descending lower to lick his tip.

“Yes oh my god, don’t stop.” he grunted, pushing my head down as I took him all the way down my throat.

I looked into his blown out eyes, fluttering my lashes at him. His pupils widened significantly, staring intently into my eyes as I blew him. Rafe threw his head back when I deep throated him so my nose touched his pubic bone, his breath coming in heavy pants. He pulled me up off of him, a string of spit still connecting up.

Rafe flipped us over quickly, prodding his length at my entrance. I nodded my head at him, and he pushed in. I welcomed the stretch, the feeling incredible because it was him. He gave a few experimental thrusts, my back arching into him when he hit that special spot inside of me. I whined when he pulled all the way out to slam home again, my breath leaving my lungs as he did it again and again. We finally got to a steady rhythm, both of us letting out disgruntled moans and grunts.

“You feel phenomenal holy shit,” he breathed out, looking down at where we were connected. He brought one hand up so his fingers could rub my clit, tingles shooting up my spine at the feeling.

“Shit, right there baby please,” I whined, my nails digging into his shoulders.

“Gonna take care of my girl, gonna fuck you so good you won’t know anyone’s name but mine.” he growled, hitting that spot over and over to the point I was seeing stars.

“Oh fuck, Rafe,” I gasped, my eyes closing from the overwhelming pleasure he was providing.

“You’re mine,” Rafe grunted, increasing his movements with both his dick and his fingers.

“Yes,” I rasped.

“Only mine,” he panted, my heart fluttering at the utter possessiveness of his tone. I already was starting to tighten up, Rafe groaning when I clenched around him.

“You’re squeezin’ down on me baby, gonna cum?” he taunted, smile wide as he continued to ram his hips into mine hard enough I knew there would be bruises by tomorrow.

“Fuck yeah, you make me feel so good Rafey.” I moaned, threading a hand into his completely disheveled hair to bring him down to my lips.

He then suddenly slowed his pace, my eyes popped open to see his smug smirk. I whimpered, pushing my hips up to meet his. Rafe moved his hand from my clit to take a handful of my hair, arching my neck up to expose the smooth skin. He leaned down to sink his teeth right where my neck and shoulder met, then moved a little further up to leave another love bite, and his last one was right at my pulse point.

“Scream my name, or you won’t cum.” he whispered in my ear, simultaneously as he did that he started to pound even fast before inside of me.

I’m sure the whole Outer Banks heard me screech his name at the top of my lungs, Rafe’s teeth shining in the moonlight as he grinned down at me. His vigorous circles on my clit came back, even stopping to roll it between his fingers. I came so hard my back left the truck bed, my head even coming up as I arched. Rafe kept his pace, stimulating me through my release. Rafe moved so both his hands came to my hips, chasing his high.

“Cum inside me baby, I wanna feel you drip down my legs.” I smirked, scratching my nails down his abs.

He came not seconds later, hot moans of my name left his lips as he stilled. Rafe collapsed on top of me, and I welcomed his weight. I loved the safe feeling of being engulfed in his embrace. I kissed all over his face, trying to smooth out his sex hair.

“Y/n?” Rafe murmured, leaning his head up to look in my eyes.

“Yes Rafe?” I mumbled back.

“I’m falling in love with you baby,” he confessed, my eyes widening. My heart took complete flight, my lips not able to keep from forming the biggest smile.

“I’m falling in love with you too slick,” I giggled, leaning up to connect our lips in a sweet, passionate kiss.

======================================

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spencerreidscoffeecup · 3 years

Text

Chapter 14 | Safe With Me

CW: penetrative sex, emotional sex, unprotected sex, oral sex (female recieving), fluffy stuff, crying, just lots of emotions :D

Y/n's POV:

"Spencer?"

"Mhm?" he hummed.

I took a deep breath.

"I-I love you."

Spencer pulled away from me slightly, examining my face and my eyes as if he was trying to detect a lie.

But there was no trace of a lie.

Because I simply wasn't lying.

My heart hammered in my chest, and I felt as I was going to vomit at his silence. Everything was quiet.

I felt as though the world was going to crumble underneath my feet before he replied back to me with those sweet, sweet words.

"I love you too, Y/n."

I felt my world rebuilding again beneath me, my anxiety being thrown out of the window as he placed his lips on mine in a sweet, loving, passionate kiss.

This kiss was different from the others.

This kiss had even more meaning behind it.

An unattainable amount of love and pure, raw, emotion poured into this kiss; our lips speaking a different language, although the language that both Spencer and I understood so well but so little about. We weren't fluent in it, but we would soon teach each other to be fluent. That beautiful language:

Love.

I took off my cardigan, afraid that if I showed him the scars of my past, he would run away, scared; leaving me alone for the future.

But he didn't.

Instead, we pulled away from each other, and Spencer picked up my arms so gently, it was as though I was made of porcelain, and the slightest bit of force would make me shatter.

But I wasn't.

I was strong.

I had been through so much.

He turned my wrists over, the indents of trauma from my past etched onto my body revealing themselves to him at last.

He brushed his fingers over them so soft and lovingly, I felt as though I might cry [even more than I already was]. All my fears were- once again- dissolved instantly, as he brought my wrists up to his lips, peppering gentle kisses on each scar, looking up at me with pure love and desire.

His lips kissed each traumatic memory to sleep, his love overpowering the bad that had been clouding over my life for so so long.

Tears streamed down my face, not because I was uncomfortable-no- because I had never felt loved like this before. No, I had never really felt love before. At least not when it was a mutual feeling.

After he finished his light kisses on my scars, he laid me back gently, turning off the fairy lights but leaving the burning unscented candles to burn away. He kissed my lips sweetly, then pulled away a little bit, taking in my face.

"This is the safest I've felt in my entire life, Spencer." I cried softly, and he brushed hair out of my eyes to tuck behind my ears.

He kissed my lips quickly, but it was soft and caring.

"You're safe with me." he whispered, smiling gently.

"I love you." I said this time without a stutter.

"I love you, my angel." he replied, a smile forming on both of our faces, a slight blush creeping up the apples of our cheeks.

After a moment of our loving gazes I broke the calming silence.

"I want to be with you, Spencer."

"I want to be with you too." he said, slightly confused, but still kissed my forehead.

"No- well, yes- but no. I want to be with you." I explained, and he soon caught on, his eyes flashing with love and a certain type of hunger.

Lust.

"Are you sure?" he asked wearily, concern lacing his features.

"Spence, I've never been more sure." I said definitively.

Spencer examined my face once more before I interrupted his 'human lie detector' methods with my hand cupping his face, then laying my lips upon his as we did a lot that night.

This kiss was also different, showing love and lust, but also permission to be accessible to our needs.

"Spence, please." I whispered against his lips, and he nodded, smiling softly.

"If you want me to stop, please tell me.. I won't be upset."

I nodded.

"Words, angel." he said, lifting my chin up with his pointer finger and thumb.

"I promise I will tell you, Spence." I reassured.

He smiled again, kissing my lips gently, then more ravenously the next. He kissed down my neck, sucking softly and I whimpered.

He took off his sweater, his muscles tensing when he put his knee between my legs to part them.

"Is it okay if I take your clothes off?" he asked, caressing my cheek-bone with his thumb.

"Yes."

He smiled down at me once more, then peeled my shirt off of my body, unbuttoning my pants.

Thankfully, the both of us slipped our socks and shoes off hours before, so we did not need to worry about taking them off.

He unbuttoned his pants, his dick straining against his boxers.

He pulled my pants down my body slowly, scared that I was going to break if he did it any faster.

His actions were gentle, and the cool air hitting my body made me shiver.

He must have noticed as he took one of the huge grey blankets and draped it over us, the soft material making everything more comfortable.

"Are you sure you want to do this, love?" he asked again, kissing my neck.

"I'm sure."

And I was sure.

I was way more than sure. I knew I wanted and needed him there and then.

"Do you want me to use protection?" he asked.

"No, I'm on the pill and I'm clean.. You?"

"I'm clean."

"Good." I giggled softly, and his eyes lit up at the sound as he laughed softly.

"Is it okay if I take everything off, or do you want to keep your bra on?" he asked, lightly tugging the straps of my bra.

"Take everything off." I said, and he kissed my neck, his hair tickling my skin.

He pulled away, and smiled down at me softly, unhooking my bra with one hand. I lifted up so the bra could fall off my shoulders, and Spencer's eyes practically bulged out of his head.

"You're so beautiful." he whispered to me, kissing down my neck, to my collarbones, then to my chest; sucking on my pebbled nipples, flicking his tongue around my areolas.

I gasped at the sensation, grasping his chestnut, dirty-blonde hair with my hands. He lifted his head up off of my chest after showing care and affection towards each of my breasts, then kissed down my stomach to where my thong began. He looked up at me for approval, and I nodded. He slipped my panties down my legs, putting them aside, and spreading my legs entirely. I felt myself grow self-conscious as I was in such a vulnerable position.

"Hey, it's just me." he said, bringing his hand up to my face to caress it softly.

I nodded, smiling down; my anxieties melting away.

He leaned back down, kissing my clit softly, then licked a flat stripe up my core. I moaned and whimpered, bucking my hips upward before he put his arm down across my hips.

"You taste so good." he groaned, the vibrations and his voice making me close, and he had barely touched me. He began thrusting his tongue in and out of me, his thumb circling my clit and rubbing gently.

"Fuck," I whimpered, already feeling myself fall towards the deep end of pure bliss. He then (within some miracle) slipped two fingers into my pussy, thrusting them upwards to brush against the spot I so craved to be touched at. Obscenities and moans spilled from my mouth as I latched onto Spencer's hair.

Soon, I felt the tidal wave of euphoria begin to rush throughout my body.

"Spence, I-I'm gonna-"

I was cut short by another one of his fingers thrusting inside of me, his other hand coming up to massage my breast as I came, my breathing erratic and my body twitching from the blissful aftermath.

Spencer took his fingers out of me and sucked on them, cleaning off my arousal. I pulled him up with my hands grasping onto his face, and kissed him hungrily, my body craving for more of him.

"Please, Spence." I begged, and he obliged; a small smirk tugging at the corners of his lips as he pushed his boxers down, his erection springing free from confinement. I bit my lip at the view, and he stroked himself a few times before touching the head of his dick against my heat, rubbing gently as I whined for more.

"Are you sure, Y/n?" he asked once again.

"Please Spencer!" I gasped.

Spencer brought his lips down to meet mine in a hungry kiss before he sheathed himself in me completely; the feeling was a bit uncomfortable but that small discomfort soon turned to pure pleasure as he fully pushed himself in me slowly, allowing me to adjust to his size.

"Fuck, Y/n." he gasped against my lips, his hand on my hip from bucking uncontrollably, the other holding him up on his forearm by my head. "You're so tight." he hissed, and I pulled him in for another kiss.

"I was waiting for you." I said against his lips, and he moaned at that.

"I love you so much, angel." he whispered.

"I love you so much too, Spence." I whispered back, tears brimming at each of our eyes. I pulled him down in a kiss, wiping away his tears.

"Please, Spence." I whined, and Spencer took that as his que to move. Slowly, he thrusted in and out of me, our mouths working together to silence our moans. He brought his hand from my hip to my arm, flipping my hand over to kiss my scars again as tears fell from each of our eyes.

We weren't crying for a bad reason; we were crying because we loved each other so much, that it hurt our already damaged and poorly bandaged up hearts.

But we would soon fix our depressive, lonely states.. a person can only be in solitude for so long before it isn't deemed as 'blissful' anymore.

In order to heal, you have to be broken.

We were two beautiful souls, combining into one to become beautifully broken.

He let go of my wrist briefly, so that he could wrap his hands in mine, holding them above my head as he thrusted faster inside of me.

Our cries were filled with love and desire; the sound mixing together with our constant I love you's that spilled from our lips.

"Spencer!" I cried out as he pounded into me harder, our breaths more erratic.

"You're safe." Spencer whispered through pants and kisses.

I'm safe.

A groan ripped from the back of his throat, the sound able to throw me over the edge alone.

"Spence, please! You feel s-so good!" I sobbed, our fingers woven with one another's above my head.

I felt a warm, butterfly feeling build in my lower stomach, just waiting to snap.

"I'm gonna, ugh!-" I cried out, the twine of the snapping rope of pleasure in my lower belly beginning to snap completely.

"Me too, angel. Come with me." Spencer panted, kissing my lips ravenously, I gasped as I felt him pull my legs onto his shoulders getting a deeper angel within me.

I felt the feeling of my euphoria snap, sending a tsunami of pleasure and love coursing through my veins.

Spencer's dick throbbed inside of me, my inner-walls clenching desperately to him, not wanting to let go quite yet.

"Fuck!" Spencer moaned as I came, my body squirming around his as he followed after me in pursuit.

He thrusted a few more times inside of me before we both came down from our highs, his thrusts erratic and slowed.

After a moment, his movements stopped as they began to overstimulate the both of us, and he pulled out tenderly, kissing me softly and smiling gently down at me, as I mirrored his look.

Our faces were overcome with dopey love-sick smiles as he kissed down my belly, all the way to my core, licking up his mess as I bucked my hips at the overstimulation, but he just shushed me quietly.

Once he was done, he laid next to me, our mouths in unable to break away from the smiles that was plastered upon our faces.

He kissed my knuckles and fingers, pulling me into him and adjusting the blanket that draped over us.

I laid down on his chest, our hands clasped together, a content-full sigh coming from the both of us.

"I love you so much." He whispered as I was about to drift asleep.

"I love you so much." I whispered back, giggling softly.

We soon fell asleep, wrapped in each other's bodies; the cool air of the night feeling amazing against our warm skin.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

5:30 am: On the rooftop of Y/n's apartment complex

I awoke with Spencer kissing my head, then my face, leaving butterfly kisses in his wake.

I giggled softly, bringing my hand out from under the blankets to caress his face.

"Good morning, beautiful." he said, kissing my lips softly as my eyelids fluttered open.

"Good morning, bubs." I said back, bringing him to me with both of my hands, kissing his lips softly.

"Happy three months of being ED free." he said softly, kissing my nose.

My heart fluttered.

"I forgot that was today." I said, a big grin overtaking my features; his face mirroring mine.

"Yep. And you know what we're gonna do today? We're gonna bake your new comfort food." he said, kissing my neck.

"Cookies?!" I gasp excitedly, and he laughs against my neck, the vibrations tickling my throat.

"Cookies."

"Can we watch the sunrise first, Spence?" I ask, and he pulls himself away from my neck to kiss my lips.

"Of course, my love."

I giggle, and we both begrudgingly put our clothes back on; although Spencer gives me his sweater to wear, and he goes shirtless; only having his tan slacks and socks on.

We cuddle up under the blanket, watching the sun bloom over the horizon, golden and white petals stretching outwards into the rich blue. The velvety pink clouds making the sky look like a magical sorbet that you'd get on a hot summer's day.

"I love you, Spence."

"I love you too, Y/n."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

12:30 pm: back at y/n's apartment

Spencer and I got back hours ago, having pancakes and eggs for breakfast.

We swayed and danced to music, kissing each other constantly, our lips red and sore from the constant loving exchanges but neither one of us cared.

We showered together, Spencer washing my hair as I washed Spencer's (or at least tried to (height difference)).

He kissed my shoulder as I washed the Conditioner out of my hair and proceeded to kiss my lips.

We played different songs, singing along to them. (I, giggling at Spencer's tone deafness)

Now, I was in the kitchen and Spencer was on the remote control for my TV, trying to find a movie to watch after we baked our cookies.

"Hey, what about the first 'Harry Potter' movie?" He asked, scrolling through the titles of different movies as I got the ingredients out to bake.

"Sure!" I exclaimed, taking out the flour and sugar.

Spencer clicked the movie, pausing it at the beginning.

I jumped up to try and reach the top shelf of where the chocolate chips were located but I failed.

Instead, I felt Spencer come up behind me, placing his hand on the counter in front of me; my back against his front. Butterflies roared through my system at the simple act, memories from last night flooding my brain.

He got them down easily, and I turned to him, but he raised the chocolate chips higher away from my grasp as I jumped even higher to try and reach them, but I quickly failed.

"Hey!" I fake-pouted.

"Oh, fine.. But only 'cause you're so cute." he said, laughing softly, then kissing my lips and handing me the chocolate chips.

I smiled sweetly at him and kissed him back.

"Let's make some cookies!" I exclaimed, clapping my hands together excitedly as he laughed.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Spencer's POV:

The night before with Y/n was anything but a fail.

It was perfect--she was perfect.

It was filled with pure, raw, loving emotion.

We had already talked about the sex, our faces overcome with a deep red blush, but we both agreed that it was the most amazing thing.

I was so proud of her as she opened up about her life when she was a child.

I was just so proud.

I loved her so much.

Now, as she lies asleep in my arms after our long day of eating cookies, watching movies, kisses, cuddles, hugs, etc. But I can't help but think.

I have never loved anyone more.

I never thought I would say this, and I almost feel bad about it in a way, but.. I love her more than I've ever loved anyone before.. Even Maeve. And I feel bad that I say that because it feels mean and cruel, but it is the truth. Maeve will always be my first love, but Y/N.. Y/N will always be the one. The one I love forever; the one for me.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

AN: Hey guysss

OMG OMG they had seggs :0

I hope you enjoyed!

If i don't have a relationship like theirs in the future... i dont want it :D

love you all

<33

(more to come!!)

#spencerreid #spencerreidxreader #criminalminds #fanfiction

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sweeethinny · 4 years

Text

I did it a while ago, and I don't know if there are mistakes because I'm late to leave but I want to post this

sorry for the mistakes

-------------

Harry really thought that after becoming a father he had gained auditory powers, especially after that night.

Everything was fine, all five Potter were asleep and the house was in pitch-black at dawn, when he heard little feet that shouldn't be out of bed, drumming on the floor. Noticing that his wife was still asleep, after breastfeeding little Lily, Harry got up calmly and walked out of the room, already knowing the way by heart so he wouldn't have to wear glasses.

Albus' room was quiet, so he went directly to James's, which was a to alert; James slept through the night after he was big, rarely had nightmares or was sleepwalking.

''Daddy. '' The boy whimpered when he opened the door, finding him standing in the middle of the room, possibly to go and meet his parents.

He didn't even have time to ask what had happened before his eldest son vomited on the floor, making Harry really wake up.

"Damn it James." Harry didn't care about the dirt, picking up the five-year-old boy in his lap, taking him to the bathroom quickly, where another wave of vomit came, this time, into the toilet.

''Sorry.'' His sobbing cry came out loudly, and Harry stroked the boy's hair, trying to calm him down.

''What happened?'' Ginny seemed to have seen a ghost, looking at her husband and son crouched in front of the toilet, while James cried against his dad's chest.

''He woke up throwing up.'' Harry tried not to care about the tremor that ran through his body, nervousness catching him off guard ''Okay, Jamie. Put it out if you need.'' And as if predicting, the boy vomited again.

''Holy shit. Spoiled food?'' Ginny had wide brown eyes, also seeming to feel Harry's tremors.

It wasn't the first time that they faced it, obviously, but it was always a little scary, especially when it came out of nowhere, without a flu or fever.

''But shouldn't we all be bad?'' Harry said, as James vomited again. ''Are you in pain, Jamie?'' Ginny opened the cupboard next to the sink mirror, looking for a potion.

''No. '' Whined ''Sorry for the mess, Dad, I tried to hold on'' Harry felt his heart squeeze and hugged the boy tighter, stroking his dark hair

''All right, dear, Dad doesn't care, then we clean that up. Don't hold back, if you need to, throw up.''

''Here, take honey, it'll pass, I promise'' Ginny offered a small glass with a purple liquid inside, spilling herself into her son's mouth, while Harry still held him

''Eww'' She nodded

''I know, but it will make the pain go''

''Let's take a shower, mate, I'm going with you'' Harry hadn't done that to James in a while, but he didn't care so much now. He took off his dirty clothes, and the child's, then carried him under the spray.

Washing it and assured that James was already calmer, the two got out of the bath, with no more smell of vomit around the house or remnants of themselves.

''Albus and Lily are fine ... I think he better sleep with us'' Ginny picked the child up, putting his pajamas apart and smiling ''Want to sleep with us, Jamie?''

''I'm a big boy now'' He commented as he laid his head on his mother's chest, hugging her waist as he settled under his parents' covers

''Something must have done wrong'' Harry said lying down too, hugging his son among them who already seemed half asleep, not paying much attention to 'being a big boy'.

''I don't like it when they look like this'' James snuggled closer to his mother, like when he was a baby, getting a pat on the hair

''Neither do I'' He kissed his son's fragrant hair

''Better have a bucket nearby'' She summoned the object,, leaving it on her side of the bed ''Caution.''

And she was right, it was better to have a bucket close by when the boy woke up throwing the potion, the noise of longing waking Harry and Ginny a second earlier, making his mother take the bucket and position it for James.

The rest of the night Harry stayed awake, worried that his son would drown if he vomited in his sleep, trying to figure out what would have triggered it, helping Ginny when Lily woke up and asked for her mother's chest. In the end, it was six in the morning and he had barely gotten three hours of sleep.

"If he gets sick ..."

'' ..I know, I'll call you, don't worry'' She kissed his lips, Harry was about to leave for work, even though he didn't want to, his son still sleeping on his side of the bed, sprawled as usual ''I'll talk to my mom to see if there's anything we can do'' He looked at his son again, feeling his heart sink ''He'll be fine, it could just be a virus''

''I wanted to take the pain for myself '' He sighed ''Call me anything, I drop everything for some other idiot to do'' She laughed

''I know you don't think your aurors are stupid '' One more quick kiss ''But I'll call. We'll be fine ''

Obviously the plan backfired, since less than five hours later, while Harry was irritated by even the air particle, he was warned that his wife had called him out because of a family problem.

'' Take care of it all and tomorrow we see what to do. I have to go '' And he apparated, thinking that the flu would take too long and every second was valid, his heart already nervous.

'' Daddy! '' Albus jumped on his legs, hugging him tightly '' Jamie is bad '' He spoke half-curled up, blinking green eyes in his direction

"Hi my love" "He lifted the child on his waist" "Where is he?"

'' Here! '' Following his wife's voice, he went to the bathroom, again seeing his son crouched and pale in front of the vase, vomiting what appeared to be just his gastric juice '' No improvement since ten '' Harry until could talk about her taking an hour to call him but he was so worried he ignored

'' What did your mother say? '' Albus grimaced when his brother threw up again, hiding his face in his father's neck

"That may be something you want"

'' Can you remember anything? '' Ginny hugged her son as he hid his head in his chest, kissing his sweaty hair

''Nothing. I already asked and doesn't say anything either '' A meow of Lily appeared, seeming to wake up from her nap

'' I see her, I'll try to remember something ''

"Jamie be okay?" Harry laughed nasally at his son trying to speak, finding his concern cute.

"Yes Al .. Hi Lils, how did we wake up?"

The hours passed with them taking turns to care for the sick child, trying to get him to eat at least one soup, forcing him to drink water and hydration potions, then running to the bathroom while the son threw everything out

Harry tried to remember the days before and if there was anything James could have wanted. And like a flash from a patron, his mind popped, making him think he was a big idiot for not thinking about it.

''I'll be right back. Two minutes '' he warned before disappearing into the flu, his wife putting Al and Lils to bathe, while James continued on her waist as if he were a needy baby.

A few days ago, while he was walking with James and Albus, Harry passed in front of a muggle toy store, loaded with teddy bears everywhere, dolls, puzzles, and other things that made the older child jump of joy, different from the youngest, who cried nervously when he saw one of the bears moving alone, waving at him and winking robotically

Harry, not wanting to cause trauma to his three-year-old son, soothed James about them going back there the other day to buy what he liked from the window, but with three kids (one of them, barely turning a year old), Robbers wanting to leave and leave him in charge, and Ginny getting away from the Harpies completely, things got a mess and he forgot to take his son back to the store.

Smiling at the attendant and asking for the cart that was still in the window - The last one! - he returned to the house, carrying the yellow package and feeling terrible for that being the reason James kept throwing up since dawn (he expected)

'' Where is he? '' Ginny was lying on the couch, Albus and Lily playing on the living room floor together, while the boy tried to make her understand why the castle was not built that way.

'' Up there sleeping ... What was it? '' She pointed to the package

'' A muggle toy '' He smiled sadly '' I can't believe I didn't remember '' he threw himself on the couch next to her, the children in front of they oblivious to their parents

'' Don't blame yourself, Harry '' He pulled on his hair, denying and closing his tired eyes

"I had promised, Gin"

'' But you didn't remember. It wasn't because you didn't want to give it to him. '' As if he knew they were talking about him, James came down the stairs, dragging his favorite blanket, his eyes tired and small, without the mischievous glow that usually roamed the brown irises

"Are you all right?" They looked worriedly at the boy who crawled to the sofa, lying on his mother's lap

'' I didn't want to be alone '' James didn't even seem to notice the package next to his father, closing his eyes and covering himself up to his neck, looking small and fragile. Harry wanted to throw himself off a bridge.

"I have something for you, Jamie," he whispered as if it were a secret, kissing his warm forehead.

'' What is it? '' As a curious child, albeit sick, he opened his eyes, finally focusing on the package

"I'm sorry I forgot, son." He smiled sadly, handing over the stupid cart that had caused all that confusion.

Albus finally seemed to see the package, turning curious and wanting to see it too, Lily finding the color more than incredible, trying to get up to pick it up

"Wow, it's that cart" "As if it were the best potion in the world, the color returned the child's cheeks, at least a little while, while he took the toy out of the box "Grandpa will find it cool, he has remote control" He smiled at his mother, big eyes blinking excitedly

'' I'm sure he'll love playing with you, darling '' Ginny smiled warmly '' See, he didn't even care that you forgot '' She whispered to her husband, who looked a little dejected at the three children now on the floor, James looking live again as put the pieces together, Albus looking absurdly at the toy and Lily kneading and unmasking the package, loving the noise.

'' Tell that to his stomach, who puked up his guts ''

'' Thanks dad '' The son hugged the man, still a little warm and yellow, but much less gray than before

'' I love you, Jamie '' He gave the boy a kiss '' Want some help with riding? It looks like hard work, the track is quite extensive. ''

"Yes, come here"

[...]

'' Stop thinking about it, Harry '' Ginny hugged her waist, laying her head on his back, kissing her bare shoulder blades '' You are a good father ''

'' He spent almost a whole day throwing up, Gin. Because of a damn toy '' He spoke a little irritated to himself

"But in the end he won, and he is better, he managed to eat, he no longer has a fever, he did not vomit anymore ..."

"I don't want him to think I'm a liar"

'' He doesn't think ... he was sad to think that you were angry that he was vomiting. I said you were just worried '' He sighed, his throat closing '' It's our first child, we're still learning how to do things, it doesn't cover that much. I also make mistakes ''

"Yeah, I think you're right ... Doesn't he hate me then?"

'' You know you don't ''

For a second Harry remembered when he asked Santa for a cart similar to what James wanted, but he only received coals since he had been a bad boy. He wondered if his son had felt the same disappointment as he did, and it made him sadder.

'' Harry ... look at me '' As she did with the kids, she turned him around, fixing her eyes on him '' I couldn't have chosen a better father for the kids, or a husband for me, you didn't do it on purpose , and James is not going to hate you for that. I don't think he even remembered it was the cart ... I know you promised, but, you kept it. A little late, but okay '' She smiled in that way that made him smile together, feeling loved

'' I love you '' kissed her affectionately '' It's just sad to see he that way '' He looked so much like himself, Harry thought

'' He's already over it. He even fought with Albus when he dropped the control '' She laughed weakly, playing with her husband's hair '' I love you too Harry .. Ah, I forgot, yesterday afternoon, they made a drawing for you, James wanted to deliver you but forgot it and well .. today was not a good day '' Ginny started searching the dresser drawers, pulling out a folded paper carefully '' Even I participated ''

There were several drawings and doodles of different colors, there were hearts, the name of each one written on the parchment in a disorderly way, a golden snitch, even flowers. And in ink, there were three small hands, signed - in the letter of the eldest son - the name of each one below.

'For the best father in the world'

It was written in what he thought was a heart (maybe Albus had done it)

Harry swallowed his tears, looking closely at each scratch as if it were a beautiful work of art.

'' We won't be perfect parents, but it looks like we're doing well '' Ginny laughed, looking at the paper too '' I got one too, but there were a lot more paints and less words ''

The man laughed too, thinking that yes, maybe they were doing well after all

#Harry Potter #harry X ginny #harry potter being dad #harry one shot #next gen harry potter #hp next gen #harry potter next generation #James Sirius Potter #ginnyPOTTER

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rhysismydaddy · 4 years

Text

Living with a Spy - Feysand Headcannon

Synopsis: Feyre finds out her husband of four years is a spy for the CIA. It doesn’t go over well.

________________________________________________________________

Feyre sat on the toilet, a towel pressed to her mouth to stifle her sobs, and let herself cry for the first time in three days.

For three days, she’d been stoic. The beautiful, stoic, perfect wife most men would pray for.

She knew it was driving Rhysand crazy.

She also knew she didn’t care.

He’d lost the right to be mad or disappointed or upset with her a long time ago.

She heard the sheets ruffle in their room. The room with their bed. The room she’d shared with him for almost four years.

How stupid she’d been. To sleep next to someone she didn’t even know.

Another sob escaped her.

“Baby,” he said softly from the other side of the door. “Please come out. I can hear you crying.”

She rolled her eyes, flicking him off, then wiped her tears and got up. When she opened the door, she made sure to avoid his eyes. She knew what she’d see if she looked in them-- despair and regret and love. So much love.

But it didn’t matter.

It didn’t change who he was... what he’d done. What he does.

She walked around him and crawled into bed, making sure to stay close to the edge. If he touched her, she was pretty sure she’d lose it.

He sighed, opened and closed his mouth a couple times, then got into bed and turn the light out.

“Feyre, please-”

She let out the most unbelievable snore she’d ever heard.

It was silent, then a soft chuckle reached her ears. “I know you’re awake. You don’t even snore. You’re a terrible liar.”

Another tear spilled down her cheek. “Yes,” she whispered, body shaking with held in rage and sadness, “But you’re good enough for the both of us.”

It was the first thing she’d said to him in three days, and it seemed to cut him in half.

She could tell he was running a hand over his face, contemplating how to get her to forgive him.

He’s wasting his time, she thought sadly.

___________________________________________________________

Eight hours later, she opened her eyes and knew the other side of the bed would be empty when she turned over.

He’d be downstairs by now, grabbing his thermos full of black coffee, and checking his email as he walked out the door. She knew everything about his day. About him. Or so she’d thought.

So when she turned over to find him staring straight at her, she was understandable surprised.

He looked equally as shocked as she screamed and fell out of the bed.

His deep purple eyes were concerned as he peered over the side of the bed at her. “Are you afraid of me?”

He sounded... heartbroken.

His voice, his eyes, the look on his face... it pushed her over the edge. She broke into sobs, unable to get off the floor.

“Baby,” he murmured, climbing off the floor and kneeling next to her.

The hand he laid on her shoulder, the comfort it gave her, disgusted her.

“Don’t touch me!” she yelled, getting to her feet and starting to pace.

He rose and sat on the edge of their bed, then practically growled, “What can I do? Tell me what to do to make this better.”

She whirled on him and pointed at a finger at his devastatingly beautiful face. “Four years! Four years of marriage! Of lies!”

“No! Four years of-”

“You lied to me. Every day you left for work and came back and kissed me and made love to me and slept next to me and... you lied to me. Our marriage is a lie. I don’t know you.” It was breaking her heart. He was breaking her heart.

His head dropped. “I knew I shouldn’t have told you.”

“No, Rhys, you don’t get off that easy. You shouldn’t have told me now. You should’ve told me six years ago when we met.”

“I couldn’t tell you. They’d come after you-”

She exploded. “Don’t pretend to have lied to me every day of our marriage to protect me. I’m a grown fucking woman. I can protect myself.”

“Not from the CIA.”

“You’re a spy! You’re a liar and a spy and a murder. I sleep next to someone whose hands are covered with blood. And I’m supposed to act like that’s okay? For four years, every morning when you’ve left, I thought--I knew--you were going to the university. You know why? Because that’s what you told me! And I believed you! Like an idiot!”

Until three days ago, when she’d gone to visit him at work and learned their was no one by the name of Rhysand Azara working today.

He sprung to his feet and started pacing. If they kept this up much longer, they’d wear a hole in the floor.

“You’re not an idiot, Feyre. It’s my job to lie to people. They told me to lie to you. They created my cover at the university, and it’s important it stays in tact. You can’t tell-”

“That’s the worst part!” she yelled, furious. “You’ve made me a liar now, too! I-”

She snapped her mouth shut and grabbed her stomach, then sprinted toward the bathroom and slammed the door. She pressed the lock and threw herself down barely in time to throw up into the toilet.

He was banging on the other side of the door, which was stupid, since a spy like himself could probably pick the lock with ease.

“Let me in,” he said, faking a calm demeanor.

She ignored him.

Flushing the toilet, she stood up on shaky legs and started the shower. Hopefully he’d give up and leave for “work” by the time she got out.

Twenty minutes later, she cursed as she walked out of the bathroom and practically tripped over his long legs.

“Why are you sitting on the floor?” She smacked the top of his head in annoyance as she walked past him, surprised when it made her feel a little better.

“Feyre, I’m so sorry. Please. Forgive me. I wanted to tell you.” She looked at him, at the devastation in his eyes.

“Then you should have.”

Another wave of nausea rolled over her, and she grimaced.

“Seriously? The sight of me makes you sick now? That’s wonderful,” he said bitterly as he climbed off the ground and stalked to his closet, grabbing a sweatshirt.

“What are you doing? You aren’t going to “work”?” she asked with bite, using air quotes to punctuate her point.

He narrowed his eyes at her. “No. I’m not going to “work.” I’m going to stay here until you don’t feel like vomiting every time you look at me.”

She narrowed hers back.

Feyre knew he had more to say, knew he wanted to argue more, but she turned and walked down the stairs to the kitchen.

It was probably because her husband was a liar and life had no purpose, but she didn’t feel like eating anything. In fact, everything in her fridge made her gag.

She started a pot of tea, figuring that would calm the nausea.

By the time she was dipping her tea bag into her steaming mug, her husband was sitting across from her at their kitchen table. Staring at her.

When she couldn’t take it anymore, she whispered, “That time you went to Colorado for a conference... where were you really?”

He was silent. Then, “Prague.”

She nodded, gracefully accepting that their entire life was a lie. “And when you got “mugged” coming home from work?”

His eyes closed. “Feyre.”

She raised an eyebrow expectantly.

“I was taken hostage by the Chinese government, who suspected I was FBI.”

She nodded again, forcing her eyes to stay closed until she didn’t have tears in them. “How stupid of them.”

He’d been captured and tortured and she’d thought he’d been robbed.

“What’s your name?”

“What?” He sounded genuinely surprised at that.

“I’m assuming it’s a cover. That this-” she gestured to their house, to herself, to him, “is a cover. So what’s your real name?”

“Don’t you dare,” he growled, suddenly angry. “Don’t you dare tell me you believe that shit. You’re not a cover. I fell in love when I was on leave from the CIA. You know that. Don’t think for one second our marriage isn’t real.”

She shrugged.

“Feyre, baby, you know I love you. You know I do.”

“I did know that. But you don’t lie to the people you love.” She got up from the table. She didn’t know where she was going, but she couldn’t look at him any longer.

“Feyre-”

“You knew!” she whirled around, unable to keep everything inside. “You knew what it would do to me to live with a liar. That’s why you didn’t tell me. Not to protect me, but because you knew I’d been lied to, deceived, before. You knew I’d leave you if you lied to me.” She whispered the last part, but he heard her perfectly.

He sprang from his seat, seemingly coming unraveled. Rhys ran a hand through his hair, looking panicked.

“Please. Please don’t leave me. We can move. I’ll leave the CIA and we can go somewhere-”

“Rhys,” she whispered.

He stopped pacing and came to stand in front of her.

She didn’t want to, but she made herself say, “I need some time. To think. Can you...”

His usually tan and beautiful face was as white as a sheet. “You want me to leave?”

No, I want you to stay and hug me and tell me it was real. That you love me and you’re still the man I married.

She nodded.

His eyes shuttered, but he grabbed his sweatshirt and keys and left.

Feeling like a stranger in her own body, she walked back up the stairs, got in bed, and closed her eyes.

An hour later, when it was abundantly clear she wasn’t going to sleep, she sat up. Then sprinted to the bathroom and knelt in front of the toilet again.

She sat back on her heels, eyes narrowed. Then she shook her head.

No no no no no no

She ran downstairs, grabbed her keys, and headed to the store.

__________________________________________________________

It was well into the night when he came back.

She heard him unlock the front door. Heard his near silent steps as he walked up to the stairs, up to their bedroom, up to the window.

“Feyre?” he asked, sticking his head out the window to find her sitting on the flat, secluded space of roof outside their window.

As he climbed out to join her, she asked, “Do you remember? Six weeks ago?”

“What do you mean?” he asked cautiously.

She leveled a look at him. “Six weeks ago. The last time we were on the roof.”

He’d waited until the darkest part of the night, then brought her outside and made love to her on the roof, under the stars. It was ridiculous and romantic and...

“Of course I remember. But what does that-”

“I’m pregnant,” she blurted in a rushed whispered.

He was silent.

“I think it was the night on the roof,” she continued, ignoring his still stature. “Although, who knows, really. We have sex all the time. Sign of our super healthy relationship.” She laughed softly.

Rhysand was frozen next to her--unmoving, unspeaking.

“It’s funny, really. We tried for a year, and when shit hits the fan and I find out I’m married to a stranger, I find out I’m pregnant. Ridiculous.” Her life was a joke.

“You’re pregnant,” he whispered.

“I’m pregnant.”

“I’m going to be a father.”

She looked at him, her heart breaking into a million pieces at the look--the joy--on his face. “No.”

“Feyre-”

She shook her head. “Please don’t. Don’t make this any harder. Because if it’s any harder, I won’t make it.” She wiped a tear off her cheek, steeling herself for what she had to say. “I will not allow this baby to grow up with a father who lies and kills and manipulates people for a living. I’d rather... do it alone.”

Tears flowed out of his eyes, and he whispered, “Please don’t-”

“You have a choice, Rhysand. You can chose me, and this baby. Or you can chose your job, your career. This child will not have a father who lies to them every day of their life. This child-”

“I quit my job four hours ago,” he blurted, cutting her off.

Every thought left her head. “Oh.”

He nodded, smiling softly. “My boss threatened to neuter me, but I told him to take it up with you. I choose you, Feyre. Always. I don’t love my job, not the way I love you. I should’ve never even taken the position. I’m here. I’ll always be here. Unless you... unless you won’t let me be here.” His voice broke.

“Rhys,” she whispered.

He nodded again. “I’m so sorry I lied to you. I didn’t tell you at first because I thought it didn’t matter, that it was the same as going to work. Then I didn’t tell you because I knew... I knew it would hurt you.”

“Rhys,” she repeated.

“But I want you to know,” he said with quiet resolve. “That if it’s what you really want, I’ll leave. I won’t force you to-”

“I don’t want you to leave,” she murmured.

He paused.

“I want you to tell me everything. And I want you to never to lie to me again. About anything.”

He nodded, another tear escaping those magnificent eyes.

“I’m scared,” she admitted. “I don’t know how I can do this without you, but I can’t live with-”

“I’ll never lie to you again. I promise. And I’ll never lie to this child.”

She leaned in and grabbed either side of his face.

“If you lie to me again, Rhysand, I’ll get Nesta to kick your ass. No matter how much I love you.”

He cradled her face with both palms. “Okay.”

“And I’ll get Cassian to help,” she continued, smiling softly.

“Nesta won’t need help, but okay.” He grinned back at her.

“I love you, you stupid prick,” she murmured, sliding her hands in his hair.

He pressed his lips to hers softly. “I love you, too, Feyre darling. You’re going to be a great mom.”

________________________________

#feysand #feysand fanfiction #a court of mist and fury #a court of thorns and roses #a court of wings and ruin #a court of frost and starlight #feyre darling #feyreandrhysand #high lady feyre #feyre archeron #rhysand #feyre x rhysand

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oingo233 · 4 years

Text

By The Lake*Part Six

Summary: A family friend offers you a place to stay to get away from an abusive past. Her home is a place that you are familiar with, an old town with a large lake you spent many days in. You went there years ago for one full summer, where you became close friends with a very young Daryl Dixon. You two were inseparable until you had to leave. But now you’re back, escaping from a past much like his. You will need to weave your way through the town’s problematic people, your own problems, and above all the confusing Dixon. Will you two find your way back to each other again? Or will he push you further away? And above all, will your past cease to haunt you?

MasterList

Pairing: Young Daryl Dixon X Reader

Warnings: Mentions of abuse and violence(potential triggers), cussing, more mature themes(not smut or anything tho), slow burn romance, described wounds and injuries

Authors note: I don’t own the character Daryl Dixon, he belongs to the creators of The Walking Dead. This fic talks about abuse, and the terrible reality involved to spread awareness about the matter, not to romanticize it.

Word Count: 4.4k

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I woke up with Daryl sprawled out next to me, his back looks stiff and painful, but his hand was still holding on tightly to mine. His hair shadowed his face, and his legs were spread wide apart, one dangling over mine. If it weren’t for all the cuts, and bruises that littered his body, he would look like a normal teenager. One that chases girls, and all the highs of life. Sometimes, I forget that he is a teenage boy at all, he seems to always carry the weight of the world on his shoulders. I go over each of his wounds, to check for infection or any changes. All seems to be healing well so far.

I planned on letting him sleep for as long as he could, but Cherry had other plans.

“(Y/N)?” She knocked at the door and I saw the door handle jiggle. She was trying to get in. But she would see Daryl! “How’s your hand?” I hear her ask. “If you’re even awake...” She mumbles to herself. More knocking follows. My heart is caught in my throat. My hand is fine, and that is the problem.

The bed shifts next to me, and I notice Daryl now wide awake. He lets go of my hand with a slight blush, and runs his now free hand through his hair, wincing from the movement. Cherry knocks again and he stops moving, we stare at each other with wide eyes. Cherry’s knocking gets louder and she tries the door again, yelling my name. Daryl and I remain frozen till he lightly hits my leg with his. Letting me know I should do something. He was glancing around at all the windows and I rolled my eyes.

“You are not jumping out a window Daryl.” I whisper-yell, he narrows his eyes at me.

“Then what the hell else are we gonna do?” He whisper yells right back at me, his hand flying from his hair to the air.

“Let me handle this.” I say, eliciting a look from him.

“Oh great...”He mumbles. I hide my laughter from his comment, along with my sassy remark, and head to the first aide kit.

“Sorry Cherry, just woke up. Let me-” I yell through the door, I look down at myself, thinking of what to say. But then I die inside, glancing back at Daryl only to catch him with his eyes trailing down my butt, my legs, and then his eyes roam back to mine and he blushes a deep red. His hand rubbing the back of his neck as he avoids looking at me anymore. “-get dressed.” I finish my sentence, pulling my over sized shirt a little more down my butt and undies. Faster than I ever have, I put on shorts, and wrapped my hand in gauze to further sell my lie. The thought made me shrivel up with guilt. “Coming.” I say, breathlessly.

I swing the door open, step out of it, and slam it shut behind me. Making sure Daryl won’t be seen. He didn’t want anyone to know, and quite frankly, I didn’t want Cherry and Mark to know either. I just kept him in my room overnight, and lied to them. Plus, I want to ask Daryl something but that will have to wait.

She quirks her eyebrows up at me in question, and I shrug. Ready to spit out another lie but she cuts me off, fingers in the air.

“I don’t want to know.” I nod along with her. We walk back to the house together, making casual conversation. She asked me about how I slept, and how my hand is doing. She even offered to check it for me, which I quickly declined.

We were all sitting down at the table when Rosie started to cry. We all stopped everything, the loud clashing of metal on ceramic plates filled the room along with her sobs. She ignored our questions and cooeing, as she lifted a shaky finger to me.

“B-b-blood.” She blubbered out, words trapped in sobs. I glance down at myself and see splotches of red staining all across my left side, in patches from my arm to leg, and finally to where Rosie was pointing, my face. All on the side I was sleeping on, I suddenly remember the bloody sheets Daryl and I slept on; both of us too tired to care. I cringe at my own stupidity, as Mark quietly excuses himself from the table with a slight gag.

“Oh my...here.” Cherry gives me a wet cloth she dipped in her water glass, and swipes it across my face, catching the red stains. I take it from her and rush to the bathroom. I don’t emerge until Rosie stops crying so hard, and I’m fully clean.

“I’m okay sweetie.” I coo, approaching her slowly and letting her see my clean skin. She gives me a tight hug while Cherry rubs her back.

“How?” She asks, eyebrows knotted. I shrug, my cheeks heating as I think of a bloody, shirtless Daryl in my bed.

“Hand, I guess.” I say, not looking her in the eyes. She nods stiffly. I grab an extra plate of food, telling Cherry I was super hungry because of my cravings, and she excused my off behavior. Truth was, I don’t think Daryl wanted rabbit from the woods as breakfast while he was this hurt. I was almost out the door when she stopped me.

“Hey (Y/N)?” I turn around and give her a warm smile, it drops quickly at the sullen expression she wears. “Lets talk later. Come early for dinner, yeah?” I swallow thickly, and reassure her I’ll be early. I rush out of there, thoughts racing with what she could possibly want to talk to be about. My stomach lurched and I wanted to cry. She knows...she knows about Daryl. She’ll scare him off and he’ll never come to me for help. His family will be shamed, and he’ll never be safe there again. She was going to yell at me for lying, and she was going to kick me out. The plate feels heavy in my arms and I set it on the table on the cabin porch, not even remembering how I got there so quickly.

I miss the way the door opened slowly, to reveal Daryl as he hobbles over to me. He set a rough hand softly on my shoulder, and rubbed it.

“Ya goin’ to be okay? Ya look sick.” He whispers, turning me to face and hug him, he seems stiff with all this contact but I sink into anyway. “I got ya, doll. It’s okay.” He held me until my breathing evened out, and I can now hear his steady but pained breathing, over my racing heart. I don’t know what happened between us, or what will, but this felt right. My question from earlier came rushing out before I could stop it.

“Stay.” I murmur into his chest. His arms drop from around me and twitch by his side. A nervous habit of his. He gnaws at the inside of his cheek, eyes wide on me.

“What?” He asks. I swallow the lump in my throat and push the words out like vomit. He could react terribly to this.

“I want you to stay here with me. Cherry won’t and doesn’t have to know. They rarely come by here anyway.” He sits down by the food and stares in the direction of their white house. Silently, he picks up the fork and starts to eat. I sit opposite of him. “You aren’t safe at your house. Obviously...” I motion to his wounded body. “...we both know that to be a fact. You’re safe here. I’d never hurt you.” The words echo in our mind, all too familiar. “Stay.” and “would never hurt you.” We’ve said those things to each other before. I glance at the lake, the flat rock and remember the brush of his fingers on my face from last night. the familiarity of it all overwhelmed me as my mind drifted to that one summer many years ago.

****FlashBack****

It was raining, hard. The enforced wood of the cabin made the raindrops sound like bullets. It fogged my sleep, I dream of war. Bullets firing in the air, explosions. I was shot. I woke up with a jump. Feeling my torso for the ghost wound. I exhale deeply, trying to calm myself. My mother is sound asleep next to be on the bed. Over the loud rage of the weather I heard another sound. Something was running. A sob broke through the air and I froze. It was a person running.

I was petrified, all I could do was listen to the crashing of footsteps in puddles, and loud cries. Who was here? After my nightmare, it was easy for me to imagine the worst. A murder? A stalker? An intruder? My mother snored softly beside me and a sense of calm washed over me. I must protect us, I realized. The sounds faded away and soon there was just rain. But I knew the person still had to be around. Daryl taught me how to throw a good punch, “the old one, two” he called it. He also taught me how to shoot the crossbow, but that was safe with him at the moment.

On shaky legs I peeked out the window to see where this person was. I looked across the whole area but couldn’t see anyone. Until a shadow moved off in the distance. It was hard to see in the night, let alone in the middle of the storm. The figure was dark, but I saw as it sat at the edge of Daryl and I’s rock. Head in their hands. Crying. Why would a murder cry? They wouldn’t, I thought. Maybe someone needs my help.

Without a second thought I grab my blanket to shield myself from the cold, and I unlock the door. I rush out using the blanket over my head as I stepped over twigs and mud puddles to reach the side of the lake the person was on. I reached the person in a couple of minutes. My legs were shaking like the ground during a quake, and all I could think of was if this person would hurt me or not. I push forward every ounce of courage I have as I shout over the rain a few feet from the person.

“Who are you! What the hell you doing here!” I yell. The figure nearly jumps out of the air, I swear I heard a deep sob before it was muffled by a false chuckle. “Ya always check in on strangers in the middle of the night alone?” Silence engulfed us as I wondered why he sounded so familiar.

“N-no.” I stutter out. “That’s smart.” Daryl's voice echoes into the night sarcastically. Relief nearly knocks me over, but my frown only deepens. I scowl, sitting down next to him. “Only when they cry like a baby.” I joke, but it was badly taken. He stiffened by my side, puffing his chest out. He dragged a hand roughly down his face, wiping his nose and giving me a deadly glare. “I ain’t crying. It’s raining smart ass” I don’t push it further, I just nod my head and stare off at the water when I notice Daryl finding it harder to compose himself.

“You never answered my question.” I say softly, watching his eyes fill up with tears. He scoffs.

“Don’t ‘ave to. You ain’t the boss of me.” He was grumpier than usual. A thick silence took over the conversation. The rain was letting up slightly, just a slight drizzle now. The crickets were creating beautiful music, as the droplets created ripples on the lake. It was straight out of a movie, peaceful and calm--a sob broke through the chorus of forest animals. Daryl’s head was in his hand.

“He beat me (Y/N). He really beat me.” He cried, tugging at his hair. Under the moonlight I could see bruises and little cuts sprinkled along his arms. His cheek swollen large, he has a black eye. I wiped a tear from my face and tried not to focus on the sense of dread and anxiety welling up in my chest.

I wrapped the soggy blanket around both of us, Daryl laid his head on my shoulder as he cried quietly. I could tell he was struggling to calm down, my heart ached at the thought of how afraid he must be. He was just a boy, and he would have to return to all this pain and fear in the morning. And everyday after. With my arm across his back for the blanket, I wrap my hand softly around his arm and rub up and down, humming a song softly in his ear. He choked on his breath a couple times before his breathing evened out and he was relaxed into my side. Never have I seen him like this, so vulnerable and terrified. My song ended and I look down. Daryl was sound asleep. I chuckle to myself. Only he could sleep outside when it was pissing rain.

Hair was falling onto his face. I wipe it from his forehead and nearly cry out at the clot of blood it revealed. There was a large gash coming from his hairline, the rain beat on it and I winced at the water ran red and fell down his face. Panic swelled within me and I carefully removed him from me. My mother would know what to do. She could help.

I was nearly off the rock completely when I heard a sharp intake of air behind me, and Daryl yelling.

“Wait-” He stood up and ran towards me. We stared at each other for a long time. My eyes kept following the blood down his face, but he was staring right into my eyes. Pained breaths left him, but he looked frantic. My eyes found his only to see a pool of blue fear. Vulnerably.

“Stay.” He whispered. He reached for my arm gently, the blanket fell to the floor as he ran to me. I stared at it, then the cabin, then back to his bleeding head. I pull away carefully and he looked panicked. “Please, stay.” His voice shook. After a few seconds I made up my mind. I take his hand and walk him towards the woods, where the trees can offer us safety against the attacking weather. He follows like a lost dog. I leave him there for a second to get the blanket, then I throw it to the floor, making it just right.

I took his wet hand and held it in mine carefully as I sat us down on the mushy blanket, better than the hard rock we were used to. I was frustrated to say the least. I was mad at his dad, who beat Daryl and did this to him. Made him run alone, in the rain and dark, to the only safe place he knows. I was angry that I couldn't help him. I was angry he wouldn't let me, and I was angry that I felt so damn emotional right now. But my feelings must have shown because when I reached to touch his swollen cheek he flinched backwards, eyes shut.

I quickly retracted and held my hand to my chest. “Oh Daryl...I’d never hurt you.” Everything was frozen for a few breathless seconds. His face scrunches up with agony and then he falls apart. Laying his head on my chest he sobs. Through his cries he tells me how scared he is. But he didn’t have to tell me, he was trembling under my hands.

“I’m here Daryl. I’m not leaving.” I repeat myself until he calms down. My eyes burn with tears as I feel the lumps and welts on his skin, I keep my eyes on the water and try to think of when things will get better.

We woke up to birds chirping away, not the sound of rain. The sun peeked through the clouds and gave everything a blue shade to it, it must have been around 5 in the morning. I was soaked through to the bone,and my mind took a moment to collect all the memories from last night. My eyes pop open, searching for Daryl. I didn’t have to look long.

Daryl was gazing at me with a soft smile on his face. When our eyes met he dropped his and blushed a heavy red.

“m’ sorry.” He mumbled under his breath. I grab his hand.

“It’s alright. I don’t mind.” I look around us, taking in how drastically the weather has changed, it pulls a chuckle from my lips. The sound draws Daryl’s eyes back up to me, he chuckles too, although neither of us are sure why. I sit up all the way and my hair tumbles into my eye.

“Ouch.” I gasp, trying to get it out of my eyes. Embarrassment crawling up my neck at the thought of how bad I looked with my face scrunched up and my hands slapping at my face. Daryl only smiled warmly, reaching a hand out he lightly replaced my own with his. Within seconds my eyes felt better as his hand grazed my cheek, pulling the strand of hair behind my ear. It was so simple, yet the very air around us shifted. Emotions from last night, and a new sense of closeness engulfed us. His hand cupping my cheek, his thumb tracing across my cheek bone, to my ear, and finally it pulls my lip out from beneath my teeth. Every touch as soft as a feather.

His eyes were staring into mine, a sparkling blue I’ve never seen on him before. It was quick, but noticeable when I glanced down at his pink lips. I often dreamed about the way they could feel. Were they soft? Would they fit with mine? He smiled, looking down at my lips and suddenly he was leaning in. Everything was fading away, and as if on instinct our eyes fluttered shut. Our lashes tickling one another.

His lips were soft. And I swear to god nothing would ever fit as perfectly as our lips together. We moved in sync, our lips and emotions dancing with one another as we gave into our feelings. Our bond. My lips nearly kissed his teeth as his face spread out into the biggest smile I have ever seen. He gave me no time to stare at his beauty before he dove down for another kiss. Maybe we were too young. Maybe this was a bad idea. But I never felt those doubts with him before, and certainly not when he was kissing me like this. Daryl was it for me, that much I was sure of. If the eruptions of giddiness and calm were anything to go by, then it was that.

“You better take those lips off of her boy!” The sound was shocking in the silence of the early morning, and the peace of our sweet moment. We jumped back from one another to see Mr.Hendersons face bright red with rage. He was standing out on his porch in plain, navy pajamas. A steaming cup of what I assume to be coffee in his hand as he stares at the two of us in shock and anger. Without breaking eye contact his head shifts slightly to the side and he is yelling again. “Sharron! That Dixon boy is all over (Y/N)! He’s poisoning our sweet girl!”

Daryl was stiff at my side, I glance at him only to notice the familiar marks of shame on his expression, it was one he wore often. But this time he wouldn’t meet my eyes. I went to tell the Hendersons off when a soft call of my name came from the direction of Big Green.

“(Y/N)? Honey!” It was mother. I could make out her figure, pulling her hands through a dress robe. I was mortified to say the least. My mother made me swear off of boys till I was 16. Now she caught me kissing one with angry neighbors in the early morning, both of us soaking wet from the rain. I stood up abruptly on shaky legs.

“Mom!” I called, voice shaking and eyes watering as she put two and two together eyeing me up and down. Before I could speak Mrs.Henderson came rushing out, hair in rollers.

“What! (Y/N) did he force you! Come here darling, I have a bath running.” I take a step back from their direction, despite them being far away. Both Daryl and I were speechless. I knew my mom liked Daryl but what would she think now. I shook me head fervently.

“N-no! We wer-”

“Come back here (Y/N)! We need to pack for tomorrow. Thank you for your concern Sharron, but Daryl would never do such a thing.” Mom said, I was beyond relieved.

“You approve of this! They’re too young!” Mr.Henderson roared. I was sure Cherry was going to hear and that’s the last thing I need.

“No.” Mother set her glare on me, and I just about shriveled up under the heat of it. “I don’t.” Her word was final, I rushed across the lake into Big Green. My hands were shaking as I wiped at my tears, face hot against my palms, lips still burning. Guilt sat like hot stones in my gut as I realized I never once looked back at Daryl. To let him know it was okay. The last thing he saw, was me running away. Ashamed.

****End of Flashback****

The memory slightly shocked me, although it was never something I forgot, I never did look back on it often. I found it to be too painful. But now, right now, here with him under the exact same set of circumstances, I’ve decided not to make the same mistake. His words from last night echoed in my mind. I left him too. I refuse to leave him now.

“We can stay here together.” I say softly, resting my hand on his forearm, he all but licked the plate clean. He stares deep into my eyes, searching for any hints of uncertainty, or a joke. He clears his throat and stares at the lake. Nodding, he visibly relaxes.

“We’ll need to clean those sheets.” He says. My heart soars and I laugh.

“Of course, no one is sleeping on those. Rosie freaked when she saw me this morning.” I laugh even harder, he chuckles eyeing me up and down.

“Oh yeah, I forgot to tell ya. You never did look good in the mornings anyway though.” He jokes, I lightly push at his shoulder, giggling.

“You’re one to talk, droolface.” He swipes at the dry drool on his chin, reaching over he rubs it on me. I run away from him into the cabin. He puts the plate in a little sink and sits down on a chair inside, watching me strip the sheets off the bed.

“I can help ya.” He states, already getting up.

“Don’t. You’re hurt now, treasure it because once you’re well I’ll have ya doing everything. I hate chores.” He scoffs under his breath, leaning back.

“Oh, I remember. Miss princess.” We both laugh, recalling all the times I’d have him do some of my chores that summer. Folding laundry, and other things. I told him it would give us more time together if we finished it together, but I’d leave him to it halfway through. He never once complained. It was in those times we had our deepest conversations, this time is no different.

“When did it start?” He ask out of the blue. I pretended not to understand, but I did. My stomach dropped, I was just waiting for him to bring it up.

“What?” He takes a deep breath, as if it hurt him as much as it hurt me to even talk about it.

“When did Carter...start hurting you?” I take a deep breath, and fold the bloody sheets putting them off to the corner. I take my time, sitting on the bed, getting comfortable, and then facing him. Although I didn’t meet his eyes. But my mothers words echoed in my head “What happened ain’t you’re fault. You’ve been nothing but strong and deserving of love. Don’t carry this shame with ya sweetheart.” I meet his soft blue eyes.

“A year or two after us being together, three if you count being friends. How do I just cut someone loose after that long?” I take a shaky breath, he doesn’t speak, he knows I like to have my time. “Love, it’s blinding sometimes. A bruise here and there became a normal occurrence. But so did apologies, and dinner dates, and promises that seemed more sincere than the last. Months would go by where we were perfect, happy...then one wrong move on my part, or one bad day and...” I didn’t even notice him come to sit next to me. He grabbed my hand and kissed it. A simple kiss at that, it gave me comfort, but the rest of my story will come another day. Daryl could see it in my eyes, he gives my hand a squeeze and starts to talk himself.

“Home ain’t good for me. I know it ain’t the same, but I know in some ways...it is. I came ‘ere last night cause I didn’t feel safe nowhere but uh...” His face blushes red and he clears his throat. “Ya only ever been kind with me.” I knew what he meant, I squeeze his hand.

“You feel like my safe place too, Daryl.” His ears now turn a bright red and he gives me a small smile. Nodding his head he awkwardly drops my hand.

“Let’s get these clean, huh?” Daryl says, picking up the sheets and carrying them outside, holding the door for me with his foot. Hours later the sheets were clean and neatly laid. Daryl and I talked for a while, reconnecting. It felt nice being on fresh sheets, and starting fresh with Daryl. For a while, everything was good. But the next week would change everything. Cherry’s news would drop a bomb in the small town by the lake, one that would leave it’s mark forever.

TagList

@pansexualgrapes

@fanfictionsilove

#daryl dixon #daryl dixon fanfic #daryl dixon fanfiction #daryl fanfiction #daryl x reader #young daryl dixon #Young Norman Reedus #twd #twd fanfiction #The Walking Dead #the walking dead fanfiction #angst #romance #abuse #DarylDixon

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guksauce · 4 years

Text

~TickledPink!~

Part Five

Pairing: Jjk x Reader Pregnant AU

Word Count: 4,091K

Rated: M

Book Warnings: Mentions of Sexual Assault, Mild Smut, Adult Language, Fluff City.

Author: @guksauce

Notes: Thank you to those who give this story and myself love 💖 Thank you go the likes and shares, that helps spread this story and that’s something is writers are so grateful for. I’m so glad you’re all enjoying this.

Tag List: @jamkookies @jk97luv @1-in-abillion

Tick. Tock.

The hands on the clock hanging high above the end of isle 9 tick loudly in time with the pounding of your heart threatening to escape your chest.

Tick. Tock.

You’re stuck. Frozen to the linoleum floor beneath you by the soles of your shoes with a giant, foreboding wall of pregnancy tests in all different brands towering above you. Maybe you should just get one of every kind. Maybe you should ask for help. Your eyes dart from one end of the isle to the other finding only stock boys and creepy men in the pharmacy. Looking back to the wall, a blue box stands out to you. Neon yellow letters advertise that 3 tests come in one pack and you quickly yank it off the peg its slid onto. Your eyes slide down further to the bottom of the wall and a bright pink box display’s the words “FASTER RESULTS” written in all caps and you grab that one too. It holds 2 more test and you wonder vaguely if five tests is too many. Drawing small, firm circles into your temple, you think heavily about how you shouldn’t even have to take a test at all.

Tick. Tock.

You shouldn’t even have to be standing in this isle worrying about what kind to get.

Tick. Tock.

You shouldn’t have to be staying with the boys and-

A ringing in your pocket pulls you from your mind babbles, the screen showing a text from Namjoon.

Joon♥: Y/n. Are you ok? You left without saying anything. And…in a hurry, might I add.

For the first time today, a smile graces your lips and you make a mental note to give him a giant hug when you get home. Quickly you type your reply.

Y/N: I’m fine! Just needed some things from the store. Sorry. Do you need anything from here? I could get some things for dinner if you need me to.

Deciding that five tests is enough, you scramble to get to the check-out line and throw the tests down onto the moving black belt as a ding from your phone signals Namjoon reply.

Joon♥: No, I think we’re ok. Jin is making Yukaejang tonight. Thanks though.

The bags under the cashier’s eyes suggest that she’s probably been here for more hours than she’d like to be as she runs the first box through the red laser in front of her. You can tell by the empathetic look in her eyes that she’s unsure of how you’re feeling about the possibility of being pregnant, but you’re eternally grateful when she doesn’t say anything and just slides both boxes quickly into a small paper bag she had hidden under the counter. You must be frowning because as much as you wish she wouldn’t say anything at all, when she hands you the bag, her smile grows fonder and the pitch of her voice sinks to a low motherly tone you didn’t know you needed to hear.

“I hope you get the results you’re looking for.” She says and turns away from you to the customer behind you. Even though she isn’t looking at you anymore, to the best of your ability you return her smile and rush out of the store to your car. The weight of the tests in the paper bag feels lighter than you imagined, as well as the world of nervousness you carry on your shoulders.

When you arrive at the apartment, you ignore the concerned calls the guys throw at you and rush straight to the bathroom in the hallway. You can feel the way each of the nerves in your body quivers and rips apart into more, smaller, nerves that quiver two times as violently as you open each package of Tests, laying them all out on the counter. They’re all equally as intimidating as the next, but you prepare them all the same. Your hands sweat and shake after you’ve taken them all and the cold edge of the tub you sit upon only offers you a tiny amount of relief as you wait. While you think of all the ways this could literally go ANY slower, as though you were watching a pot of water waiting for it to boil, your mind wonders off in directions you wish it wouldn’t. What if Joon kicks you out? If Yoongi finds out will he fight with the boys again? Beg them to make you leave? You should anyway…shouldn’t you? And what if this is too much for the boys? This is totally unfair of you right? They…don’t deserve this.

Too many minutes pass before Jungkook starts to worry you’ve fallen in the toilet to an entirely different universe. He intends to check your room to see if maybe you’ve snuck out without them knowing. But as he passes door after door, a terrifying, blood curdling scream curls around the door frame of the bathroom, threatening to warp everything in its path as it floods the hall. Barging in feels like the sane thing to do as the hairs on his arms stand on end from the hilt of his elbow to the very tips of his fingers, but he stays glued to the door as he knocks heavily.

“Y/n?! Are you alright?” Jungkook pushes his ear against the door and listens when you don’t answer but he understands why when he hears the unnerving sound of gagging and vomit splashing the back of the porcelain toilet bowl. “I…Can I get you anything? A glass of ice water? Y/n…?” Again, he hears nothing and his worry spikes as he tries the door handle. Normally he wouldn’t invade on your privacy, but he finds the door unlocked and you on the other side with your head in your hands and your lips parted with exhaustion as your body trembles.

“Y/n…” He breathes out and immediately grabs a washcloth out of the vanity drawer, soaking it in warm water. Kneeling next to you, he tucks strands of your hair behind your ear. Tears streak your cheeks, dragging with them streams of black mascara. “Hey. Look at me.” He instructs gently. When you lift your head to look at him, his brows scrunch together sympathetically, and a small smile grows on his lips. He takes his time looking over your face and glides his fingers into your hair, holding you in place to wipe away your tears. The action is a rather intimate one you think, but you watch his concentrated eyes as he worries at your obvious pain.

“Why are you crying, beautiful? What happened?” He asks, blushing only slightly at the endearment he’d let slip, and uses the cloth to wipe your pretty pink lips free of any left-over residue. He’s careful and slow, never missing a single detail. The truth of the situation floats around in your mind. The way Jungkook’s eyes burn into your soul only upsets you further, making telling him the results that much more devastating.

Today marks the 6th day that you’d woken with the violent need to empty your stomach of all its contents. At first you thought nothing of it. Maybe it was something Jin made that you simply didn’t agree with. The second night could have been the 2 and a half bowls of ice cream you and Jimin had consumed together in front of the TV on movie night. The third could have been how you’d brushed your teeth and then downed a glass of orange juice immediately after, gagging when the two substances mixed on your tongue. The fourth day you’d tried to convince yourself that maybe you were sick but with only 2 ugly acts of puking first thing in the morning every morning, you knew this was something different. You’d made all the excuses you could for yourself before you started to panic on the fifth day. Thinking back to your last period and reminding yourself of the current date, your mind had shut down and you’d retreated to bed early during the middle of the show you had been watching with the boys. So far, you were 2 weeks late and counting. Five pregnancy tests and another round of puking that only validated the results later, proved that your worst fear had come true.

And it’s in this moment, looking into Jungkook’s eyes, that you crumble completely. “I…I’m pregnant.” Initially it comes out in a choked sob. But the flickering Diner sign reflects in the toilet water, a horror mirage that makes what comes out next shrill. “That bastard impregnated me!” You screech out, the fear in your voice making Jungkook flinch. He doesn’t know what to say, afraid to tip you over an edge that holds no ground beneath it as a helplessness overrides his every thought and stops his hands from working on drying your tears.

In a rush of speed and worry, one by one the rest of the men come around the corner of the hallway and pile into the bathroom just as Jungkook snaps from his shock and wraps his arms around you, scooping you onto his lap. The cold porcelain of the tub shoots bolts of icy sensations along his back, but your body keeps him warm as he gently shushes your cries. They’re quiet and muffled in the fabric of his shirt but they still kill him a little on the inside. Namjoon, confused by your disheveled state, kneels at his feet and rests his hand on the back of your head.

“What the hell happened, Kook?” He asks, watching the way you bunch up Kooks shirt in your palm.

“Namjoon…” Jimin breathes out as Namjoon raises his head to look at him. The language Jimins body speaks is one of staccato words and stiff motions as one of your five pregnancy tests weighs heavily in his hand. He double, no, triple thinks about giving it to Joon before regrettably handing it over. Joon falls next to Jungkook against the tub and covers his mouth as he examines the test. Two red lines, side by side, stare back him.

Yoongi stands idly by, an arm wrapped around his midsection while the other presses stiffly against his side, heart clenching and fingers playing nervously with the opening of his jeans pocket. Through the small window above the toilet, a flash of lightning strikes too close for comfort and everyone in the bathroom jumps.

“I should have killed that guy. Who the hell does he think he is anyway!? Putting his hands on you! On ANY woman! How dare he put you in this situation! DAMN IT I SHOULD HAVE KILLED HIM!” Namjoon yells. The others stay silent and you peek at the 7 men standing before you. Their faces are twisted with sadness and a new kind of guilt settles in the pit of your stomach for making such beautiful features into blue, blurred paintings. They know now, why you’re here.

“Namjoon…” Jin warns with a loving hand on his brothers’ shoulder.

“I’m sorry…I’m just so…” Namjoon tries to explain but goes radio silent, only the subtle sound of unsteady breathing amongst the boys left over. His eyes rim a dark maroon and the swell of a single tear whelms them, but they never fall.

Outside, a monstrous growl of thunder rolls slowly over Seoul. Heavy drops of rain pelt the earth, leaving the air stagnant with the sweet scent of soil. It contrasts the delicious scent of Yukaejang boiling on the stove that no one seems to want to eat now. Wind howls and rattles the glass of the window, the room going dark as another crack of thunder pounds overhead.

“I’ll get some candles lit.” Jimin announces and quickly leaves the room.

“Kook bring her to the living room. I’ll light the fireplace. Hoseok, gather up some blankets. And Yoongi, pillows. We’ll all sleep together tonight.” Jin snaps into action and orders all his younger brothers to their tasks, the timbre of his voice light and friendly. “Taehyung, can you clean up for Y/n? Maybe get her some fresh pajamas?”

Tae doesn’t move. His eyes are glued to the tests lined in a row on the counter, all of them with double red lines showing on their little screens. All of them giving a new meaning to why you’re here. To why Namjoon brought you here. To why he wanted-no, NEEDED to take care of you.

“Taehyung-ah.” Jin said softer and watched the young one’s eyes move to where Jungkook still cradled you in his arms before turning on his heals, following his eldest brother away from the thickness of the bathroom.

Namjoon leaves too. He says nothing and you don’t expect him too. The soft kiss he leaves on top of your head says enough before he exits.

“Jungkook…I’m scared.” You whisper low enough that you don’t think he heard you over the sound of the downpour outside. But he hugs you closer to him and talks into your hair. Yet again he doesn’t know what to say, what he should say. The first thing that comes to mind seems like the most obvious and the least sensitive, but it feels right.

“Don’t be.” Right. As if that were even an option. Mentally smacking himself for saying that, he doesn’t expect you to curl into him anymore than you already have and squeeze him.

“Okay.” Is all you say, defeated and tired as he stands and carries you with him to his room. You honestly don’t have the strength to disagree but the choice you make to believe him settles something in your heart. If he says don’t be scared, then you won’t be. Taehyung meets you both in the hall, your pajamas in hand as he follows you into Jungkook’s room to leave them for you before exiting. It’s very dark, illuminated only by the occasional flash of lightning. Warmth leaves your body as you’re torn from his body, your hands reaching out and catching his arm and the hem of his shirt before he can get too far away.

“Hey.” He says softly, close enough that you can feel his warm breath dance over the apples of your cheeks. “I’ll be right back. Just getting you some baby wipes for your face, ok? I’ll be back, I promise.” A flash of lighting illuminates his face for a split second and your breath catches at how close he is, and how painfully beautiful he looks. His hair, a heap of black waves, frames his face perfectly. Its’ darkness lightens his chocolate irises and porcelain skin, and only deepens the rosy pink of his lips. They’re parted, his lips, slightly and dripping with his promise as he pulls away from you. You listen to the pitter patter of his feet mix with the raindrops hitting the window and quickly change when you hear him rummaging around in his cabinets.

The pajamas delivered to you were a gift from Jimin and his mountain of Chanel products. A baby pink silk set with the Chanel logo embroidered in black clung to your frame perfectly. The bottoms alone made you want to just sink under Jungkook’s blankets and fall asleep right on the spot. The top has long sleeves that you’re sure are going to be too long for you. Yes, Jimin seems to be just a tad more petit that the rest of the guys but his physique still holds its own strength, a strength you don’t fit into. Still, you pull your top off just as Jungkook steps out from his bathroom. Flashes of light freeze images of your bare back to him. The curve of your side and swell of your hip making him take a slow step forward before the room goes dark again. More flashes reveal to him your arms raised high above your head, your hair waving and grazing your skin as silk slinks down your body. But one last flash shows him the yellowing bruises at your hips and the deep cuts the man’s nails scarred your body with at the small of your back. Clearing his throat so as not to startle you, he walks in your direction, the bag of baby wipes crinkling in his hands the closer he gets.

“Are you ready?” He asks as you turn to him, eyes finally adjusting to the dark as you reach out for him again. He takes your hand in his and glides it up your arm as you lean into him.

“Yeah I think so.” A part of you is afraid to meet the others in the living room. You can imagine it now, the looks on their faces. Disgust. Did you disgust them?

“Do I…disgust you? Or…or do you think the others are disgusted by me now that they know what happened?” You know it’s ridiculous to ask this question, but it gurgles just beneath the surface of your already overflowing mind.

His features become disgruntled in an array of different emotions. “Y/n. If there is anyone that we are disgusted with, it’s the sorry excuse for a man that did this to you.” A quiver breaks through his voice that almost makes you wish you hadn’t brought it up. Even in the darkness of the room, when he cups your cheeks in his gentle hands and strokes your tear stained skin with his thumbs, you’re glad that all your deepest thoughts and emotions come out in front of him. “Trust me when I tell you that there’s nothing in this entire world that could ever make the guys or myself disgusted by you. Okay?” He asks and again you choose to lean on any reason to believe him that he gives you. “Trust me.” Jungkook says softer this time. With unsteady hands you reach up and holds his wrists like they’re the only things keeping you from drowning.

“I trust you.” You whisper and push your cheek deeper into the curve of Jungkook’s palm, who pulls you into his chest and curls his fingers in your hair. Laced with hints of cocoanut and peppermint, the scent of his cologne reminds you of the beach. The warmth of his chest against your cheek makes you think of the sun and the feeling of being baked by its rays. And the sound of his steady breathing feels like your standing in the sand listening to the pulse of the waves as they crash and pull on the shore. For a moment you forget its raining. You forget about the lightning that strikes the ground and the ominous roll of thunder. For a moment…you’re at your happy place.

“Come on. The boys are probably worried.” Protective arms detach from around you, but he doesn’t step away. Instead, with his free hand, he laces your fingers together and guides you to the living room. Everyone is there, and regardless of the mood they had all entered through the bathroom, the new mood they brought to the living room was much lighter. Each of them smiled up at you as you joined then, Jungkook plopping the two of you down on the couch next to Taehyung who had already made you a spot there.

“I hope you like comedy because there’s this hilarious Adam Sandler movie I’ve been waiting to watch.” Hobi announces in a voice that brightens the room, and presses play for the flat screen hanging on the wall. You don’t have time to pay much attention to the movie because Jungkook gets to work opening the package of baby wipes. Long, nimble fingers pull out one of the damp white cloths and presses it to your skin. In carefully calculated swipes, Jungkook clears your face of all the residue left over from your make up. You watch his eyes. They’re stunning, you think to yourself. His extra dark chocolate orbs turn into a nutty honey color under the flickering light of the candles lit and scattered around the living room. And the deeper you look, the more you see. A ring of coal black encircles them, matching the void in the center. Cracks that resemble that of the bark of trees trap flecks of gold within them. Though you know how young he is, its as if you can see every age ring within him, see the oldest of oaks, a golden wood.

With each swipe, he becomes less concentrated, less accurate in his movements and finds himself going over parts of your face he knows he’s already cleaned but he chooses them as his favorite’s as he goes over them one last time. The line of your jaw just under your ear, the very top of your cheekbone just under your eye, and the thin path of your nose that buttons right at the end. It’s only when he catches your eyes on him that he remembers what he’s doing.

“Um. I think we’re done.” He says quietly, dropping his head down to attempt to hide the way he sucks his bottom lip in between his teeth, but you don’t miss it. And you definitely don’t miss the adorably tiny mole just under his bottom lip. How enchanting, you think. “I’m going to put this away and grab an extra pillow. Do you need anything?” He asks, daring to peek at you.

“Maybe an extra blanket?” Behind you, you observe a sleeping Tae curled up into the corner of the couch with his arms covering his face. A light snore seeps through his plush lips and the blanket he’d gathered for you on the couch was cocooned around him. “Mine is being used.” You say through a small giggle as you turn back to Jungkook who smiles down at his sleeping friend and nods.

“Ill be right back.” He races off down the hall, leaving you with the rest of the guys. Hobi and Jimin are snuggled up together under the same blanket on the floor, clinging to each other as they giggle and chuckle at the scenes playing before them. Namjoon reads with his back pressed into Jin who snores louder than Tae, in a lounge chair. His long legs are stretched out in front of him, reading glasses resting on the edge of his nose as he turns page after page. Its ridiculously adorable how both unbothered and comforted by his older brother he is. Jin stirs in his sleep and Joon looks up just long enough to make sure he’s ok and you smile. Suga sits with his back against the leg of the coffee table and his arms folded over his chest. His eyes are closed but you can tell he isn’t asleep by the way his foot ticks to a beat you can’t hear. From what you can see he doesn’t seem to have any headphones in but he’s listening to a song only he can hear. You wish you could hear it too.

Jungkook returns as quickly as he can, a pillow and the comforter from his bed spilling out of his arms as he approaches you. Into the opposite corner from Tae, kook throws one of the pillows behind his head and places the other into his side for you. If he were anyone else besides Joon, you probably would have hesitated. However, as you lay your head upon the pillow and tuck your legs behind Tae’s, you can’t imagine being anywhere else. You take one last look around the room and find a comfort in it you can only recall experiencing one other time in your life; your friendship with Joon.

Sparring a glance at your childhood friend, your savior in many ways, an old smile you’ve smiled more times than you can count perks up the corners of your lips. He’s sound asleep, the book in his hands closed on his lap as his glasses tip closer and closer to the end of his nose while he breathes deeply, his head tilted to the side in an endearing way. Before long, Jungkook goes limp beneath you as well. Both your bodies and minds calm from the stress and excitement of the day as the thunder outside persists, all of it a natural lullaby that’s sung to you one note at a time. You are only granted a moment long enough to wonder if this is the song Yoongi is listening to, but as soon as you focus on all the components to the song, the lyrics, the melody, the tempo, you’re drifting far, far, off into dreamland.

Part Four

Master List

Part Six

#rm #taehyung #bts smut #jimin #bts jin #jungkookfanfic #jungkookie #jeon jungkook #bts jk #hobi #bts hoseok #min yoongi #suga #pregnant au #pregnancy #babies #bangtansonyeondan #bangtanscenery #bts fanfiction

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nightwingshero · 4 years

Text

All I Wanted

So...I did a thing. @sapphicvalhallas maybe I wasn’t as innocent as I claimed. Anyway, so I’m gonna be honest, I just wrote this out because I got inspired by a few songs. Mainly Misguided Ghosts and All I Wanted by Paramore. Hence the name. But...yeah.

“Do you think he’ll be happy?” I whispered, glancing up at Rowan as insecurity ate at my insides. She met me with a glowing smile as she stuffed the little booties in the gift bag with the paper.

“I know he will be. Having a miniature version of himself running around? He’s going to be ecstatic.”

I smiled, feeling reassured as I finished tying the bow around the plastic stick and setting in the bag. I was about two months, or at least, that’s what one of the doctors in the Project had said. Luckily, she still stuck with the doctor/patient confidentiality. The idea that the family was growing elated them, and I was curious if she had been more excited than I was. But that was what led us here, Rowan and I, away from her cabin in the woods with Jacob, and getting out of the ranch from John’s watchful eye.

If I was being honest, deep down I was terrified. So fucking terrified. The absolute joy the woman expressed, forced me to put a smile on my face, but I didn’t feel it. I went home, vomited up all the anxieties, fears, and trauma that went along with news like this for someone like me. Not that I was alone. No, many women have had to deal with stuff like I had, and I reminded myself of that. But to me? That defining moment haunted me enough that even the bliss twisted my nightmares into reality. Something that was supposed to be uplifting, showed me just how much my heart still bled.

But this was a new beginning, the real fresh start of my life, unlike what had happened when I first moved here. The blotched arrest, the constant fighting…falling in love with the enemy, and the ultimate betrayal. It was like I had free fallen into absolute chaos and it wasn’t until I realized what made me happy, that I was able to breathe.

“Wren?”

My eyes snapped back up to Rowan’s dark brown ones, a bit startled. “Hmm?”

Rowan frowned, leaning forward to squeeze my hand. “Hey, are you doing alright?”

“I’m fine! I was just deep in thought. Did you say something?”

She opened herself, but there was a sharp knock on the door, drawing both of our attention. Without waiting to be called in, Jane burst through the door. I smiled at the presence of my favorite redhead, something smart on the tip of my tongue, but I stop as her frantic eyes meet mine.

“Sister Wren, we need to leave. Now.”

Rowan glanced at me as my frown deepened. “What’s wrong? What happened?”

She swallowed, closing her eyes briefly. “The ranch. It was attacked. The alarm had been triggered.”

“When?” Rowan demanded. I couldn’t move, let alone speak, as I went cold.

“About 20-30 minutes ago—”

“That long?!” I shriek, shooting up. “How the hell am I just now hearing about this?” I stormed out of the room, heading outside with both women on my heel.

“I just found out—”

I yanked open the driver side door and climbed in. Jane looked at me in shock, but I didn’t care. I didn’t need my Chosen driving me around, I only relented sometimes for John’s sake. I didn’t trust Jane to throw caution to the wind. I glared at her through the window. “Get in the fucking car.”

She pursed her lips before climbing into the passenger side, Rowan climbing in the back. I didn’t think about seatbelts, I had barely given Rowan enough time to close the door. Gravel flies as I slaw on the gas, Jane looking at me like a crazed woman, and in this moment, I was.

“John is still at the bunker, right? Has he been informed?” I asked. “Fuck, Randy is at the house. Was he the one that called? I hope he’s okay.” Jane hesitated, not saying a word. I looked at her, but the second our eyes met, she looked away. “Is he at the bunker, Jane?” I breathed out, panic rising in my chest from her silence.

“Wren—”

“Damn it, Jane, where the hell is my husband?” I snapped. “He went to the bunker like he had planned, right? He told me this morning that that’s what—”

“He never left.” She whispered, but it was as if she screamed it straight in my ear, a ring beginning to sound. “He stayed home, he wanted to make sure he was home so he would have time to surprise you with a date night. He…he insisted that he wouldn’t beat you home from the bunker.”

The sound that escapes my throat is strangled as I grip the steering wheel tighter, my foot pressing down a little more. Rowan clutches my shoulder. “John is surrounded by Chosen all the time, there are guards stationed at your home 24/7, Wren. I’m sure he’s fine.”

I tried the best I could, but I began to panic, on the verge of hyperventilating as my mind ran wild with the possibilities. Finally, I turned on our drive with Jane insisting I slowed down. I paid her no mind as I left a trail of dust behind us. My heart sank as we passed the YES sign, bullet holes and blood stains tainting the white paint. Jane squeezed the door handle as we came around the corner, slamming on the brakes and coming to a skid.

Jumping out, the breath escaped from my lungs completely. Blood, bodies, and chaos covered the lawn of my very home. I staggered, my hand over my mouth as I saw faces of my own loyal followers and people I had once helped, lifeless. A few more of our people milled around, trying to do what they could to clean up the devastation, but their faces were grim, heartbroken and mournful for the family members they had lost. I looked crazed as some newer members spoke to our Chosen, shaken and a bit hysterical, as they eyed me.

“Is that--”

“The Judge, his wife. You know Sister Wren, don’t you?”

“Does she know?”

There words barely register, and I rushed to the house, not caring for a second if Rowan and Jane were with me. The hairs on the back of my neck had stood on end as I ran. Randy was with John, John was safe. I repeated it tom myself over and over as I made it through the threshold. My legs push harder to get me up the stairs faster, and I stumble to a stop as I come to the top.

The door is barely open, just ajar enough for me to see the sunlight coming through. My heart hammers against my chest as I take a step forward. Normally, he would either keep it shut or decide to keep it open wide. I shouldn’t be this scared of a door, but I’m shaking. Suddenly I’m a heroine in one of those horror movies I force John to watch. We’ll both laugh at my comparison to Laurie from Halloween, and that’s the only comfort I can cling to in this moment.

“John?” I called, taking another step. “Baby, are you okay?” Nothing, but silence. My breath quickens even more. “This isn’t funny, you stubborn ass. Just please tell me you’re okay.”

I picked up the pace when I got no reply, a panicked sob choking me. “Please be okay. For the love of God, baby, be okay.” I shove the door open, looking and seeing nothing at first. But then I take it in, the messy desk, papers scattered, his laptop on the floor, and that’s when I finally find him.

I’m on my knees in seconds, my hands on his chest, as the tears pour. His eyes are closed, a tint to his cool skin that doesn’t settle well with me. He’s blue. He’s too fucking blue. “Baby, I’m here. I got you.” I cry harder when he doesn’t move. I barely notice the blood soaking through my jeans. I’m too busy shaking him. “John, wake up, I’m here. It’s okay.” I pull at his hand to place it against my face, but its cold and it won’t stay. My eyes squeeze shut as a painful wail finally escapes, all my feelings refusing to be bottled any longer.

I grab him, pulling him on my lap as I cradle his head, my lips pressed against his forehead as I cry. I rock back and forth, because I don’t know what else to do. The movement disturbed something in his other hand, drawing my attention. The frame was broken and the glass shattered, but our wedding picture was still in decent condition. My rocking increases as I sob harder. “No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!”

I squeeze him harder, willing him to open his eyes. To cough, and scoff, only to make a stupid remark that would only make me smack him on the arm. To snap at me to stop because I’m making him dizzy. But none of that comes and I hear a distant shrieking as my hand fists his hair, placing my forehead awkwardly against his. I hadn’t had the chance to tell him, he would never know that I was carrying our child. And I was alone. I would have to do this all alone, without my partner, my anchor. It was crushing, I could barely breathe. As the soreness in my throat builds, I realize that I had been the one shrieking. “You promised! You swore to me that you would never leave me!”

Strong arms wrapped around me, pulling me back, but I only held on to my husband tighter. I couldn’t, wouldn’t, let go. But the person was stronger. And I turned as they ripped me away and swung blindly. Jacob dodged it with ease as I tried to pull away, only to slam my fists against his chest. He pulled me forward, engulfing me in a hug as I collapsed against him. “He’s gone, Jacob. He’s gone.”

“I know.” Jacob replied, his voice gruff. He didn’t say anything else, didn’t offer condolences, just stood there as I fell apart. I pulled away, glancing to see Rowan and Joseph there in the doorway, both silently crying. “Get her out of here, Ro.”

Rowan nodded, gently pulling on my arm. I followed, allowing her to pull me along. I was too numb, too out of it to protest. This wasn’t real. This didn’t feel real. I wanted nothing more than to just go back to this morning, laying in bed with him laying on top of me and snoring lightly. I would give anything to go back to two nights ago, to relive the fight we had. The way that he had slipped down the stairs to carry me up from the stairs because I was too stubborn to sleep in our room. I wanted his arms around me.

“I’ll get you some tea.” Rowan whispered as she helped me to couch. I say nothing in response, and she leaves.

I had been sitting there what felt like hours, a mug full of cold tea in my hands. I had only been sipping it here and there. They had already carried him out, plans on what to do next being thrown around. I couldn’t believe it, even as I sat covered in his blood. The sound of someone clearing their throat drew my attention to see Joseph standing next to the now lit fireplace. I couldn’t remember when that had happened.

“May I join you?” he asked softly. I just nodded aboundingly in response, still struggling with finding words. So, it’s silent for a while, until he decides to break the silence. “I’m sorry for your loss, Wren. This is hard on all of us.”

I sniffed, glancing down at my cup. “I wasn’t expecting this. I didn’t think for a second that they would attack here, because…”

“Because of you?”

I looked at him, his soft eyes meeting mine. “I still have some friends…they didn’t exactly understand, but they love me. I thought that they wouldn’t attack either of us because of me. It was so stupid, because I lived in my own world where I believed that we were untouchable because I was an ally at one point. But I was wrong. I was so wrong. And John paid the price for my pride.” My voice broke as my shoulders sagged.

“That wasn’t pride, Wren. You wanted, and wished, for a happy future for the both of you. There is nothing wrong with that.”

“I can’t do this without him, Joseph. I just can’t.” I sobbed.

He placed his hand on my shoulder. “It will hurt for a long time, I know. But you can—"

“I’m pregnant…I’m pregnant and John’s dead, Joseph. He’s gone, and I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

Joseph hesitated, a bit shocked at the reveal, but brushed it off. “He left you everything, Wren. You and the child are well taken care of. It’s in his will—”

“I don’t give a fuck about his will or his money!” I shrieked, my eyes squeezed shut as a broken sob wracked my body. I want my husband!” I began to shake, my breath quick. “Who am I without him? What am I if I don’t have him? How the hell am I supposed to do this without my other half? I can’t do this alone!”

“You are not alone.” He replied softly with passion. “I know you’re not religious, and you don’t believe in what I preach. But you hold a pivotal role in our community, an example of strong faith and leadership that people follow. This community is your family, Wren. We are your family.” Joseph whispered, his voice softly giving way to that Georgia drawl he could sometimes hide.

“False faith? I’m pretty sure that’s a sin, Joseph.” I sound hollow, a shell of myself as the words tumble out. Words that was meant to be something like a joke coming across robotically and empty. All I could do was stare at my blood covered hands numbly.

“You had faith in John.” His name cuts deeply and its enough for my eyes to meet Joseph’s. Despite the fact that they were technically the same color, they were so different than John’s. A serene calm vs the playful mischief that my husband always portrayed. “The trust you had in him, the love you had for him, created a loyalty that spread and touched those he was loyal to, bringing you into a family that welcomed you with open arms, that still accepts and loves you. Your faith in him was enough for that. And he…he loved you more than he loved himself.” My face contorted, fresh tears following the trails of old ones as the pain throbbed. “That was something John struggled with every day. He would take, because he loved himself more than he loved others. And you saw that, didn’t you? The night you first met him.”

“The Cleansing.” I replied lowly and Joseph gave a single nod.

“That’s right. And it was your fear of him not being able to love you in return, not as you did him, that drove you two apart before. My brother John was loved by few and feared by many. He wasn’t always like that. When we were young, he was full of joy, easily preyed upon. He wanted to watch the world burn. And after he met you, after this started, John would have done it all for you if he had to. Because he finally understood what I meant. He loved you more than he loved anything.”

“Except you.”

Joseph hummed, closing his eyes momentarily. “Do you have any siblings, Wren?”

I knew he already knew the answer, but I appreciated that he was giving me the courtesy and respect to offer me the chance to tell him myself. “No.”

“Well, when you have siblings, there’s this…feeling. This bond that is interwoven in your very nature to protect and love them. Jacob knows that better than all of us. But it isn’t a bond or a love you choose.” Joseph placed his hand on my shoulder and squeezed. “You are the bond, the love, he had chosen. You’re what kept him in the light. At the end, it wasn’t Eden’s Gate that gave him the redemption he longed for…it was you.”

My face contorted as my heart twisted painfully. “He didn’t always do good, but he loved me. He loved this family and his people. He learned to love, Joseph. And for this to happen to him…?”

“We can’t explain the bad that happens. Only fight it with love and faith.”

I scoff lightly, but Joseph doesn’t say anything. “How did it happen?” I whispered. “Nobody has told me.”

Joseph shifted, removing his hand as he looked down at his book. “Jacob believes it was a sniper. Someone came in, and John fought, but it was a sniper that…”

I swallowed, clenching my teeth as I glared tearfully at the flames. “Grace.” I hissed. He glanced back at me as I dug my nails into the meat of my thigh.

“What do you plan to do?”

I looked at him, the fire in my eyes burning as my mouth twisted in a sneer. “What I’m meant to do. I’m the Judge, Joseph. So that’s what I will do. I will Judge their actions accordingly. All their sins, their transgressions.”

“And then?”

“And then I will release every once of Wrath that I have left for what they’ve taken from me.” My voice is icy and dark, but I don’t care. “They will not be given forgiveness. They aren’t worthy of it. And they’re going to realize just what John’s death has cost them. And I will show no amount of mercy.”

#deputy wren blake #the judge #john seed #rowan palmer #jane williams #jacob seed #joseph seed #Far Cry 5 #far cry oc #far cry fic #my writing

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