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anastasiasyah · 2 days

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The quiet ones scream the loudest.

— 04/19/24, anastasiasyah

#quotes #anastasiasyah #haleyincarnate #hazyaffection #deadwatered #loveserum #4tray #4bella #veincold #writers on tumblr #writerscreed #writerscommunity #writerscorner #writers of tumblr #spilled ink

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death-born-aphrodite · 1 day

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the morning after, i woke up at 6am. eyes still red and puffy. 23 missed calls. i opened up my laptop and my hands started moving, almost as if they knew the way. next thing i knew i was watching that one direction parody by the key of awesome. laughing again, as if last night never happened, as if the last 14 years never happened. i was 12 years old again. my skin was clean again. he never touched me. nothing bad has happened yet. my moms right down the hall instead of three hours away

#spilled ink #my words #4bella #4trey #poets on tumblr #localloveletters #loveserum #poem #deadwatered #mine

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deadwatered · 3 years

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power

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avanillaopus · 3 years

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There is nothing complicated about it: I don't want to do this without you. I'm simply not going to try and find peace in your absence, I'm not going to try to move on. No. I'm going to watch my own body eat itself alive from the inside out so nobody else can ever touch it. I'm going to scream myself hoarse so nobody else can ever hear me sing, listen to me whisper sweet nothings into their ears. I'm going to become unrecognisable so that when I look into the mirror, I don't see the woman that you loved, the face you cherished, the body you held so close to yours. There is nothing complicated about it: I'm going to kill her because the sight of her hurts too much.

h.w

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poison--ivy · 3 years

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“And with my jaw so tight I could have cracked my teeth, I told her I was happy for her.”

#heartbreak #blossomfully #spilled ink #spilled thoughts #spilled words #lgbtq #unrequited love #unrequited feelings #my writing #4bella #4tray #loveserum

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compljcated · 2 years

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life is about chasing things away

that one time i said i didn’t love him anymore while i was sitting on the roof smoking a cigarette with my best friend

i have so many best friends but i’m still alone

how do i go from being the love of your life to no one at all

isn’t it crazy how yesterday you said you wanted to marry me but today you’re thinking about moving to boston

or orlando

maybe atlanta

it doesn’t matter because life is about chasing things away

if i didn’t love the drama would you still be here today

if i hadn’t made you fight so hard would you come home

so what if i said forget what i said the night we were in san francisco and i threw up on the sidewalk

remember what i asked you when we were walking through the train station in vancouver?

i didn’t meant to chase you away

i really thought you wanted to stay

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wavey-bella · 2 years

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Is she being rude, or have you been socially conditioned into believing that women should be warm, positive and friendly at all times and are uncomfortable when they don’t adhere to that behaviour?

#virtual journal #spilled thoughts #social conditioning #4tray #4marya #4bella #girl who loves girls #girlswholovegirls #girls who kiss girls #lgbtq #send anons #sendasks #send questions #send me anons?#will answer anything #im bored #deadwatered #honeysunlight #loviely

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c0mmencement · 4 years

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a land of fairies in colorado

#sunshineclub #photography #nature photography #boulder #colorado #flowers #mountains #waterfalls #rosytea #matisseclub #blushiebee #4bella #loveserum #stolenfootprints #rosehipz

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my-angel-my-stars · 4 years

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so... have you ever dreamt about me?✨🦋

#me #girls who like girls #girlswhokissgirls #girls who kiss girls #girlswholikegirls #lgbt #weaksorry #4bella #4marya #cottagecore #wlw #photography #model #snap chat

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raine · 3 years

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sometimes you just want validation from the people that brought you into this world

but when you don’t get it, you look for it in lovers

people who can fill that space for a short period of time, but can’t bring you the satisfaction that love from a parent would

by then you’re just hurting people in the way your parents hurt you and you end up in more pain than before.

because you’re just as bad as them.

#me #mine #4tray #poetry #loviely #557am #bpd #4marya #highschoolhandjobs #sorryish #extrasad #extracold #spilled ink #unsends #loveserum #4bella

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anastasiasyah · 6 months

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I want to be gentle with myself but these thoughts are violent.

— 09/28/23, anastasiasyah

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death-born-aphrodite · 21 days

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did you have good day today? did you wear that one sweater you always said you loved? is your hair still long? how’s your mom? did you ever get that tattoo? do you still think about me? how’s your little brother? do you still listen to that one band? do you still think about that day? do you know that i still do? can we have one more summer together? have you forgotten everything?

#spilled ink #my words #4bella #4trey #poets on tumblr #mine #deadwatered #loveserum

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deadwatered · 3 years

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familiarity

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avanillaopus · 2 years

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You can spend hours of your time wanting, so much energy fuelling desire, but that doesn't mean that what you're begging for is meant for you. Hell, it doesn't even mean that you deserve it.

h.w

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poison--ivy · 4 years

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#heartbreak #blossomfully #spilled ink #spilled thoughts #spilled words #4bella #4tray #love #poem #loviely #loveserum #unrequited love

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compljcated · 2 years

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i am a hopelessly cynical romantic and i base my entire worth as a person on whether or not i am someone’s girlfriend. i spent way too many of my teenage years on tumblr writing angsty poetry about how “hard” my life was so now i am 21 and dying for a real fucking life. the issue is that there are so many fucking opinions and thoughts and rumors and movements that i can’t figure out what’s real and what’s fake.

online dating is fucking hard, but going out and meeting someone during a chance encounter and falling hopelessly in love doesn’t exist anymore because no one looks up from their phone long enough to notice that the sky is falling. so i sit in my room and i swipe left and i swipe right and i have meaningless conversations about the weather and my major in college and we make tentative plans that never have a date set so they never happen and i’m still hopelessly alone. the real issue is not that i want *someone* to love me, the issue is that i want *someone in particular* to love me.

at the risk of sounding cliche and like i have a ‘“live laugh love” poster on my wall, you don’t get to pick and choose who you love, it just happens. there’s a connection, a spark, a kiss, a look, and you’re hooked. that’s it. fucking goodbye reality. i was reading an essay by rayne fisher-quann that seriously struck the biggest nerve imaginable. in the pain gap, rayne talks about how in *legal* relationships with age/maturity gaps the younger partner is always left with an unmistakable and unforgiving pain that the older partner has long since forgotten about. this pain stays with you for ages, and i know this pain very well. isn’t it funny how every woman becomes taylor swift someday? like rayne says, “for every ten-minute taylor swift song, there is a jake gyllenhaal confused by all the fuss around a decade-old fling; the worst kinds of pain are rarely mutual.” isn’t that painful? that seriously takes the wind out of my sails. and let me tell you why.

he sends me a single one worded text about once a week and this time around i’ve seen him once in four months. i was set on being friends, fine with it even, and then he kissed me and my entire world went dark and now i’m a teenager again and fighting for my fucking life. everyday i think about what i could do or say next time he texts me so that i have a better chance at getting a text back. then i sit and think to myself, “you are 21 years old. you’re not a child. what are you doing? GET A JOB!!!” and i argue with myself for a little while longer until i turn on some music, get high, and scroll through twitter. day in and day out, i am thinking of him. did he text me? no. so i put his contact on do not disturb. ten minutes goes by and i wonder again. no. so i put my phone down. this obsession with being given attention is eating me alive and it’s making me wonder how i ever survived this the first time around.

he’s only three and a half years older than me, but somehow it feels like a lifetime. sure, we can finally go out and get drinks together, but i wonder if he still sees me as the naive teenage girl who did anything to get his attention. i wonder if he thinks about me and hurts the way i do when he remembers us and who we used to be. i wonder if he wants the same thing i do now. i wonder if he knows there hasn’t been a single moment in the past four years where i haven’t thought about him, or wished he would kiss me again.realistically speaking, though, i know he doesn’t think of us. i know he hardly thinks of me at all. i don’t know what hurts more: the small possibility that he could be hurting the same way i hurt and i would never know, or the very real chance that he isn’t losing any sleep over me and hasn’t for years.

somewhere in the kisses he stole and the wide-toothed smiles he caused, i lost sight of what we were meant to be from the start: nothing. and i feel this ending before it’s even had a chance to begin but i stay. i don’t move. why am i letting this happen again? he is not ready for the kind of love i have to offer and i am trying to be okay with that. i am tired of believing i will always be hurt and always making space for it. but i grew up on fairytales and taylor swift, so i think i will die believing that i will be swept off my feet by a boy with beautiful eyes and a charming smile. if i stop, what do i have left?

#shut the fuck up kaela #spilled ink #writing #essay #spilled writing #4tray #4bella #4marya #loviely #deadwatered #heavensghost #softgrlfriend #loveserum #hazyaffection #extrasad #compljcated #s #upload

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