#...you certainly do not have to /like/ aging and it can truly suck at times. i just want people to think about why they fear it y'know?

[uncanny-tranny]

So often, twink death is framed as a bad thing. However, the "twink death" for trans men* is frankly one of the most healing things you will bear witness to (pun intended).

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #nonbinary #honestly i hated being called a twink pre-t because so many people treated me like... lesser for it? #like... 'i think you are effeminate (and less of a man)... but i /guess/ you're still a man🙄! hope that helps' is how it sounded to me #and so often it seems like 'twink death' is just... fear of aging in a world that hates the realoties of the human body #i have compassion for the fear of aging however it will pretty much always be harmful to the person experiencing it... #...in that they too will age. no matter what you do to prevent aging it will still happen... #...i don't think fear is the fault of the individual - it's a systemic issue. however i think it's needless suffering... #...you certainly do not have to /like/ aging and it can truly suck at times. i just want people to think about why they fear it y'know? #anyway that's what i think motivates this apprehensive attitude about people and how they change and whatnot #though my twink death isn't me becoming a bear (in the future who knows but for now not so much)

[saltburn-brain-rot]

I haven’t seen much talk about this piece of context yet so I’m just gonna put it out there. This is just brain rot drabble so take it with a grain of salt. I’m not an expert nor am I very familiar with British culture, but I am a gay person that grew up in the late 90s/early 00s in small town USA.

And sociopathic tendencies aside, I can relate a lot to Oliver, as well as Felix, when viewing them through the queer lens. That scene at the party early on at Oxford, sitting so close together in their own world. The small touches. The lingering looks. The tension feels too much to handle. Any formerly closeted queer person that had an intense crush on their best friend growing up probably can relate. You want to tell yourself they feel the same way, that you should just go for it—but you can’t trust yourself, and you certainly can’t make a move in a crowded room of people. It wouldn’t feel safe.

The feeling is too much, so Oliver redirects Felix’s attention to India and Annabel. The “safe” choices. But then when Felix does choose one of them, it hurts. He watches from the window, and later in the final flashback we see he was crying. He believes the truth and depth of his love is only meant for the shadows.

Farleigh has the freedom to be a confident pansexual because he has grown up in New York City with a bustling queer scene. Again I’m not very familiar with British culture, but I can imagine Oxford in 2006/2007 is more in line with the feeling of a small conservative town than the West Village in the early 2000s. Felix seems to accept Farleigh’s queerness, nonchalantly mentioning him sucking off the teachers, but he can’t understand his own feelings for Oliver. He can have any girl he wants and he does, but he doesn’t seem to actually feel anything for them. I used to do the same thing, trying to fool myself into feeling something for the opposite gender.

And the first time I admitted my feelings for someone of my same gender, confessed, and then was rejected? I shoved myself in the closet in shame so hard I convinced myself it was never true and it was all just a silly phase. Like Oliver.

Oliver loves Felix. Of course he does. And Felix loves Oliver. But in the moment neither of them can admit it, at least not truly and all that comes with it. They’re young and dumb and don’t fully understand their own feelings or motivations in a world where they’ve been raised to reject their queerness and strive for the status quo.

But maybe (definitely) I’m projecting.

I’m happy for the younger generations today that can be themselves at an earlier age. It’s only one small aspect of the movie to me, but seeing Saltburn and feeling the yearning and shy coming of age and coming into your queerness, and then how denying yourself can make it all go wrong, hit so close to home.

#saltburn #cattonquick #sorry for formatting issues - posting on mobile #first time posting #please be nice #back on tumblr for the first time in a decade am I doing this right? #lgbtqia #oliver quick #felix catton #farleigh start

[lemonhemlock]

i get what you’re saying but i get what dany stans are saying too, what is the difference between dany taking back kl and sansa taking back winterfell? at the end of the day, monarchy sucks and none of these characters are truly "worthy"

I approached this topic more in-depth here and here.

The difference between Dany taking back King's Landing and Sansa taking back Winterfell lies in the construction of legitimacy. When engaging with medieval fantasy, rejecting its political framework and ignoring its limitations in absorbing more egalitarian ideology (and the socio-technological constraints that inform those political/philosophical limitations) is going to prove a fruitless pursuit. Westeros is roughly based on feudal Europe and has a recognizable European political thought inheritance and recognizable medieval technology and means, so I think it would be reasonable to employ political philosophy that could be plausibly applied during the period from which it takes inspiration.

~unnecessarily long essay no one asked for below~

In this regard, what makes for a "worthy" ruler in medieval times might differ with the passage of centuries, as socio-political practices transform. Which is why I feel like the validity of monarchy as a form of government was never truly under question in this setting, even though it has certainly been criticised and points have been made about social injustices arising from wealth disparities and the segregation of social spheres (I hesitate to call them social classes as I don't think the Westerosi have developed class consciousness yet).

I think that this is ultimately an element of disappointment for some readers, who are trying to project onto the text something that is not there, instead of switching to progressive fiction that addresses their concerns and presents alternative political systems. What I mean to say is that dismissing all types of monarchy as illegitimate is not useful within the text, as it renders all differences between the characters null & ignores the entire historical evolution of the concept of legitimacy. So you end up with takes like "it doesn't really matter who sits the throne". It matters very much to Martin, because that is the type of story he is trying to tell, that's... the entire point of the series. He is a boomer writing about dragons and knights in the 90s, not a transformative political thinker who is going to smack us with a new social order at the end of the series. That doesn't mean he can't critique the system or the characters' approaches to ruling. That's why he keeps killing the unfit kings & punishing those who rely on wanton brutality.

Coming back to the question, Dany's family was deposed, meaning that, legally-speaking, she doesn't have any "birthright" to the throne of Westeros anymore, no matter what she tells herself. Is deposition legal? John Locke certainly thought so in his Second Treatise of Government, chapters "Of Tyranny" and "Of The Dissolution of Government". Below we have Jean-Jacques Rousseau, "Discourse on Inequality":

OK, these are Enlightenment thinkers, but the concept was not new. The Magna Carta of 1215 certainly has a provision for this. That's medieval enough, I feel.

(Ralph V. Turner, "Magna Carta Through the Ages", Harlow, Pearson Longman, 2003 - the original article was too long lol but anyone can look it up for themselves).

Thomas Aquinas, "Summa Theologica", 1274:

etc.

You will find these ideas under the term "right of revolution".

Many medieval kings IRL have been deposed or lost their crown. Richard II, anyone? There's an entire play about it. So, yes, Robert Baratheon is the legal king of Westeros at the start of AGOT and Viserys / Daenerys simply are not. There is no birthright to speak of, that is just Dany's entitlement that goes unchecked and unquestioned.

Of course, crowns can be won back by the right of conquest, which is what Dany is trying to do. GRRM's plan for her seems to either be rejected by the people of King's Landing for whatever reason (a la Rhaenyra maybe) or for her to commit such an atrocity on the city in her attempt to seize it that it disqualifies her as a potential ruler because she breaks the normal rules of engagement to a horrifying degree (i.e. dragonflame). Dany's entire plan is questionable from the start, since she intends to mount an invasion on a people brutalised by several years of war already, on the onset of winter - essentially extra suffering. The conditions are there so that the Westerosi might not interpret her actions as liberation, but merely as another pretender to the throne, who is only after her personal betterment - basically no different from what they've seen before, so no reason to join her cause or believe in her propaganda. She will bring fire-breathing monsters, Dothraki and Unsullied warriors to their lands, whom they fear and for whom they have no kinship. They have no particular attachment to the old Targaryen kings either. In short, Dany's father was deposed and she will end up deposed herself because of her own actions (or never recognised in the first place). I'm not saying this because I have beef with Daenerys, she is not a real person who did me wrong, she is a fictional character the author is using to illustrate a political idea.

Whereas the people of the North maintain a very favourable view of the Starks and of Ned Stark in particular. They are seen as the legitimate rulers of the North and their replacements (the Boltons) are almost universally hated. The text is littered with "the North remembers" and "there must always be a Stark in Winterfell" and general Stark-fawning. The people of the North were very eager to name Ned Stark's son as their king. The people of the Night's Watch voted for Ned Stark's 15-year-old bastard as their leader. Ramsay Bolton pretends to marry Arya Stark to consolidate his legitimacy as the ruler of Winterfell and the North. Many other characters covet Sansa for the same reason. The Starks have not been deposed, unlike the Targaryens, they're just missing / presumed dead and Winterfell is up for grabs. None of our Northern characters think how lovely it would be if we had a Targaryen restauration. These things may seem like candy floss to the modern reader and they may not resonate, but they mattered a lot in the past. So when Sansa takes back Winterfell, it will be with the backing of the majority of the Northern population and with the help of the Knights of the Vale, who are seen as honourable and are of Andal descent, so will not be perceived as foreign invaders. No one in the North will be contemplating their right-to-revolution against the Starks, because they will be revolting alongside Sansa to free themselves from the abusive Bolton rule.

Sansa rebuilds Winterfell out of snow and thinks of it warmly as her home, feels kinship and connection with the place she grew up in, whereas Daenerys feels possessive over a land she's never seen and wants to take it with "fire and blood". True, these are not actions, not crimes for Dany and neither acts of benevolence for Sansa. They haven't done anything yet. But they are images. Framing. Hints. That's how literature works.

Could Dany be given a narrative of Westerosi restauration? Could GRRM write her as gaining popular support and as not breaking the social contract while installing herself back on the throne? Had only Book 1 been published, these questions would have had more validity. But after Book 5? Not when Martin frames her like that and literally kicks her out of the city she conquered.

#not me writing a whole ass paper on this LOL #🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ #ask #anon #asoiaf #grrm #asoiaf endgame #anti daenerys targaryen #sansa stark

[thesirencult]

YOUR CHOICES ARE YOURS FOR A REASON

Your choices are yours because they will impact YOUR LIFE. Not mommy's life or daddy's life, not your gossiping loving neighbour's life and certainly not your second cousin's ex girlfriend's sister's best friend's life. YOUR LIFE, is the one that will be impacted by the path you choose to follow.

Yes, I know. All of us up to some point wanted our parent's to be proud. Even people who hide it deep inside want to succeed just to get the "I'm proud of you" talk from their father. Guess what though ? Even though most people want their parents to be proud of them and follow their guidance, 95% of people are not truly happy in their life. This also goes for people who are trying to please their social circle or go and do what society deems "right". They are stuck in unloving marriages, work like slaves and go home only to plop on the couch and proceed to spend 6 hours on their phone watching other people live their dreams. That's a side picture I painted...

My dad wanted me to be a lawyer. When I chose to study History & Philosophy Of Science he was shocked. Why ? Cause that meant something to him. He has always idolized lawyers. He does not see that the ones who make it are extremely passionate and ambitious. I know that my dad still hopes I will one day get into law school. Sometimes he catches me working on my laptop and he sighs out loud (Eastern European Father ✅) and says "Everything is okay but you didn't get a law degree.". I'm like bitch stfu. I make my own money, I'm building streams of income that will allow me to be financially independent and to live wherever I want, what are you talking about ? The crazy thing is that my father was a business owner and always pushed me towards entrepreneurship! Even he did not escape the dogma of our society. Why would I do "The monk who sold his Ferrari" in reverse. Leave my passion and life's calling behind and move overseas to work in corporate America to have my soul sucked. He then laughs and proceeds to tell me a story about one of his friends who is loaded and his father always wanted him to be a doctor and made remarks all the time, even when he signed million $ checks !

If you know what you want to go after, you are lucky. Most people end up in sticky situations because they had no direction. They follow others' directions causing them to be unhappy and resentful. I made my choice because I loved my parents and I didn't want to have resentment towards them when I was waiting for my welfare check. No one can guarantee you will find a job easily in this day and age. I believe that social sciences are much more important than our technocratic society makes them to be. They are the backbone of our civilization. I could never become a doctor even though I respect and appreciate them for their service. Same goes for police officers. I have friends who are in the force and they are amazing, sweet and true heroes but I could not be like them and they could not do what I do.

Forgive your parents. Most of them are trying to protect us from a crazy world but sometimes they harm us more in the process. Listen to the elders when they speak but learn to logically reason within.

Being an astrologer and helping people uncover their purpose is very liberating. It makes you realize how our world was shaped so the best would come on top. You have all the tools, make the best out of them and go after your goals.

Because in the end, you'll be proud of yourself.

#level up journey #leveling up #level up #high value woman #high value mindset #lawofattraction #law of assumption #manifesting #entreprenuership #business #tarot reading #astrology #hypergamy #hypergamyblr #siren energy #seduction #dark feminine energy #dark femininity #source:thesirencult

[onmyyan]

Well, the best work, or writing in this case, is done in collaboration with others amirite? The prev ask responding to my ask got my gears turnin and taking a break from writing by writing helps my creative juices flowin

When reader starts out they may have had their fair share of run ins with Catwoman, Harley, and Poison Ivy in their own way. But that was when they were a small fry, certainly not noticeable to their old family much less the femme fatales of Gotham.

It isn’t till they begin to rise from the dredges of Gotham that the three begin to take notice.

For Selena Kyle, she’s an opportunist at heart. She’s not wholly evil nor is she wholly good. At the end of the day she just wants to bathe in the lap of luxury with her feline friends and if that means introducing herself to reader, the hottest thing since sliced bread, and getting in their good graces then so be it.

What she didn’t expect was recognizing that pretty voice from months ago when some goodie two-shoes stopped her from stealing a diamond ring from Cairo. Sure, it was going to be auctioned for some stupid thing like newly paved streets or whatever but Selena could care less.

She was a rooftop type of gal anyway.

At the end of the day though, Ms. Kyle is a professional, that means bygones can be bygones for the right price.

What she doesn’t expect is just how profitable it is to take down the baddies. After all, the Gotham black market alone brings in millions- billions of dollars every year through illicit goods. Untold wealth stolen from museums and the wealthy sold to the highest bidder, reader sometimes playing the role of a seller, sometimes the role of a buyer.

But always coming out on top.

It’s a stroke of genius too, when reader hires Selena for a job, at first it makes sense. You want a painting stolen from some corrupt politician? Get Catwoman to do it. What truly confused her though is why you wanted her to put back the damn thing in the basement of the guys place a week later.

Turns out, art insurance companies are more vicious than one might think, and art insurance fraud can get you a lifetime in prison… and forfeiture of all your assets.

Assets you could happily sweep up on the dime now that that pesky obstacle was out of the way.

For Selena you aren’t just an adorable kitten flaring out her claws for the first time, but a beautiful independent woman just like her. And ladies ought to stay together in a town like Gotham, right?

At least, that’s what she’s telling herself…

Harley is much quicker to warm up to reader. She sees herself so much in the up and coming super villain. How many times has she gone to Arkham or sacrificed some part of herself for the Joker? How many times as she tried to appease the sociopath only to be ignored or even worse, have her efforts thrown into her face?

Speaking of faces, thing about being a brilliant psychologist means that she can be good with recognizing faces. She certainly recognized yours ages ago when the tabloids talked about a Wayne kid that left the nest early, paparazzi all vying to get a shot or two of the illusive member of the dynasty.

You were a rich kid, but seeing you now certainly could convince anyone otherwise. Harley sees that fire in your eyes, the emptiness and the hurt she long ago overcame to be her own woman in this town.

It runs through her head like a list when she analyzes reader’s movement. Symptoms of childhood neglect vary, naturally, but reader has the tell tale distrust in strangers and aversion to affection that has Harley’s mind buzzing with theories and thoughts, lots of thoughts.

It’s interesting to see when teaming up with reader to spread some chaos, the idea of using controlled unrest in rich neighborhoods to lower housing costs brilliant in her mind. Plus, rich suckers get to suck so why not?

Seeing reader like that just sparks something fierce in her. Maybe it’s a remnant of her more humane side, of the old doctor and psychologist, but she’s determined to be by your side like it or not.

You’re partners now, Puddin. You pinkie swore when teaming up so there’s no stopping now!

Pamela is honestly a whole lot harder to warm to reader. She’s a solo act for the most part, an antisocial eco terrorist that barely has friends outside of Harley and … Selena, but even the jury’s out on that one sometimes.

Her connection with nature makes her jaded with the vile parasites that walk about the street, the news of a new crime lord making the woman roll her eyes dismissively. New crime in Gotham? Please, be for real.

It’s only when Harley comes barreling into her greenhouse babbling on and on about reader that Pamela realizes maybe she ought to take a second look.

Who knew doing “good” as you put it, would involve her world so much. The plan was simple, destroy a few gas stations and car parks, break into some oil or gas executive event and make owning a car in Gotham all the more painful.

Growing pains according to reader.

Then with all the slush funds reader has, fund and develop a robust subway and bus system. Less cars, less subsidies, less pollution.

It was simply a coincidence that the reader had started a company specializing in public transport mere weeks ago, promise! And what’s more, building these tunnels meant that there’d be a perfect opportunity to carve out secret bases, paths, and caches all around the city. And as the system spread, making travel more green and efficient, so would your influence.

If you kept your thinking like that then… just maybe, Pamela might stick around more (Oh who is she kidding, the moment Harley was down for you Pamela would undoubtedly be there for her friend and you lol)

Incredible addition omfg??!?! I adore the way your mind works omgggg

Literally perfect I love your characterization of the sirens so much sjsksks

#yananswers #yandere batfamily #neglected reader #villain reader

[meraki-yao]

RWRB Quotes that speak to me on this really fucking shitty day

Hey, have I told you lately that you're brave? I still remember what you said to that little girl in the hospital about Luke Skywalker:"He's proof that it doesn't matter where you come from or who your family is." Sweetheart, you're proof too.

It is, indeed, bullshit. It's all I can do not to pack a bag and be gone forever. Perhaps I could live in your room like a recluse. You could have food sent up for me, and I'll be lurking in disguise in a shadowy corner when you answer the door. It'll all be very dreadfully Jane Eyre

I'm afraid, though, I'm stuck here. Gran keeps asking Mum when I'm going to enlist, and did I know Philip had already served a year by the time he was my age. I do need to figure out what I'm going to do, because I'm certainly closing in on the end of what's an acceptable amount of time for a gap year. Please do keep me in your- what is it American politicians say?-thoughts and prayers

It drives me nuts sometimes that you don't get to have more say in your life. When I picture you happy, I see you with your own apartment somewhere outside of the palace and a desk where you can write anthologies of queer history. And I'm there, using up your shampoo and making you come to the grocery store with me and waking up in the same damn time zone with you every morning.

Have you ever had something go so horribly, horribly, unbelievably badly that you'd like to be loaded into a cannon and jettisoned into the merciless black maw of outer space?

I wonder sometimes what is the point of me, or anything. I should have just packed a bag like I said. I could be in your bed, languishing away until I perish, fat and sexually conquered, snuffed out in the spring of my youth. Here lies Prince Henry of Wales. He died as he lived: avoiding plans and sucking cock.

Specifically, we were discussing enlistment, Philip and Shaan and I, and I told Philip I'd rather not follow the traditional path and that I hardly think I'd be useful to anyone in the military. He asked why I was so intent on disrespecting the traditions of the men of this family, and I truly think I dissociated straight (ha) out of the conversation, because I opened my blasted mouth and said, "Because I'm not like the rest of the men of this family, beginning with the fact that I am very deeply gay, Philip."

Once Shaan managed to dislodge him from the chandelier, Philip had quite a few words for me, some of which were "confused or misguided" and "ensuring the perpetuity of the bloodline" and "respecting the legacy." Honestly, I don't recall much of it. Essentially, I gathered that he was not surprised to discover I am not the heterosexual heir I'm supposed to be, but rather surprised that I do not intend to keep pretending to be the heterosexual heir I'm supposed to be.

Sometimes I imagine moving to New York to take over launching Pez's youth shelter there. Just leaving. Not coming back. Maybe burning something down on the way out. It would be nice.

9. How hard you try

10. How hard you've always tried.

11. How determined you are to keep trying.

give yourself away sometimes, sweetheart. there's so much of you.

They all turn to look at him, and Alex feels a wave of something so much bigger than himself sweep over him, like when he was a child standing bowlegged in the Gulf of Mexico, rip-tide sucking at his feet. A sound escapes his throat uninvited, something that he barely even recognizes, and June has him first, then the rest of them, arms and arms and hands and hands, pulling him close and touching his face and moving him until he's on the floor, the goddamn terrible hideous antique rug that he hates, sitting on the floor and staring at the rug and the threads of the rug and hearing the Gulf rushing in his ears and thinking distantly that he's having a panic attack, and that's why he can't breathe, but he's just staring at the rug and he's having a panic attack and knowing why his lungs won't work doesn't make them work again.

He's faintly aware of being shifted into his room, to his bed, which is still covered in the godforsaken fucking newspapers, and someone guides him onto it, and he sits down and tries very, very hard to make a list in his head.

One.

One.

One

Once upon a time, there was a young Prince, who was born in a castle. And there had never been a prince quite like him: he was born with his heart on the outside of his body.

Whereas the other princes and noble children could withstand the slings and arrows of childhood, the Prince felt everything acutely. Everything seemed to touch and threaten his unprotected heart.

Oh for Christ sake Alex, for once! I wish you could see me for who I am and not who you want me to be! Sometimes, I don't think you know me at all!

I wasn't raised by a loving, supportive family like you were!

Nothing will ever happen to you.

I don't want your protection, I want your support.

#rwrb #red white and royal blue #rwrb movie #alex claremont diaz #henry fox mountchristen windsor #henry hanover stuart fox #firstprince #book quotes #personal #i can't anymore

[hopehjort]

Why (Inattentive) ADHD folks are so sensitive to rejection.

I want to talk about this. It’s been in my mind a lot lately. In October I got my inattentive ADHD diagnosis at the age of 29 (I turn 30 in just 20 days).

Inattentive ADHD is what used to be call ADD in the past. The reason it’s not anymore is because we still have that Hyperactivity. It’s still there. It’s in our head, our mind, our racing thoughts going 100 miles an hour. The daydreaming, the excited rambling, the zoning out and completely ignoring everything around you for a solid 2-5 minutes before realising you’re driving on the highway(before you ask YES. This has happened to me on several occasions - no I have miraculously not been in any accidents.)

It’s an internal hyperactivity.

Anyway - all my life I’ve been struggling with a lot of emotional turmoil and if there’s one thing I know I’m afraid of. Something that can and has absolutely done in the past – break me – it’s rejection.

Social rejection, relationship rejection, romantic rejection, job rejection. We’ve all been there. It’s part of life. And every time someone express fear of said rejection. The response is almost always the same.

- What’s the worst that can happen?

- It’s not the end of the world.

- A no won’t kill you.

All true by the way yes. In the overview of the world, yes. Certainly things I’ve said myself. Things I’m still working on accepting.

Everybody has an emotional volume switch on the inside. Something you can turn up and down depending on your feelings.

ADHD folks often usually have a different kind of switch. We have off and on. 0% and 100%. Now There is a way to practice feeling the different percentages inbetween but it can be hard. Also remember everybody is different and I am primarily speaking from personal experience and talking with others who has felt similar.

What does 0 vs 100% mean you ask?

Well it means either you can or you can’t. If I get the job I applied for that’s 100% - I CAN do what I want to work as.

If I happen to not get the job I applied for? That 0%. That’s me being told that I’m not good enough. And the more rejections I get the more I’m told how much I truly must suck at this type of job I really want.

The more rejections given the bigger, the louder, the more INTENSE this 0% becomes.

No. It’s not the end of the world. It won’t kill me. But it hurts so bad it feels like it does.

“Stop getting upset. It’s just a lost toy, it’s just one job, It’s just one guy/girl/any, It’s just xyz, it’s not that bad.”

No. It’s not JUST xyz. Yes it IS that bad because it FEELS that bad. Because it feels intense. We can’t just linger somewhere in between. Even though we want to.

Just… be aware. Understand that we try but it’s not that easy. Things hits us harder because if we don’t feel at 0% we feel it at 100%.

 And no one wants to feel at 0%.

#ADHD #Inattentive ADHD #RSD #Text #personal

[lorcandidlucienwill]

Tamlin's villain origin story part 6

Warning: there's like one line of crude language. Tamlin and co. have just duped the Inner Circle's attempts to ally with Helion! But Tamlin is not done plotting. He's determined to crush the IC under his thumb.

Tamlin’s POV “Summer will almost certainly ally with us,” Tamlin said, taking a swig of his drink. “Spring and Summer have been allies for ages.”

“Wouldn’t hurt to pay them a visit,” Lucien drawled from his place at the table. He had tipped his chair halfway back and draped his leg on the table, dangling grapes from his mouth. Tamlin didn’t bother to tell him to put his foot down. Lucien basically had free reign to do whatever the hell he wanted. He could’ve commanded Tamlin to get on his knees and beg, could’ve commanded him to abdicate his throne and hand it to him, and Tamlin would obey. Nothing in the world was worth more than Lucien’s friendship. Feyre had broken his heart. His sentinels had let him down. But Lucien had never disappointed him, never abandoned him. Not even when he ventured to the Night Court to find his mate. The mate in question had been granted a room in Tamlin’s manor, and she had agreed to stay there; however, she still avoided Lucien at all costs. Tamlin could tell it affected his friend far more than he let on but didn’t voice the negative thoughts in his head.

The Archeron sisters are not worth it. They’ll just rob you of your sanity.

No, Tamlin wouldn’t say that because Elain was Lucien’s mate. And Tamlin didn’t get to spend very much time with Lucien ever since he took control of Hybern, so he wasn’t about to waste that time getting into arguments.

“Tarquin forgave Feyre and Rhysand too easily,” Lucien continued. “Even if they did accept our refugees. You should definitely talk to him. Charm him. Make sure he wants to help us.”

“Why don’t you do it?” Tamlin grumbled. He hated the whole talking thing, even though he had done plenty of it by this point.

Lucien snorted. “Did you forget I’m ruling a country now? I mainly came to check on you and my mate.” He said the words my mate very quietly, as if he was afraid Elain might hear. “Besides, I could probably have Tarquin under my thumb in about 30 minutes time, but I think he’d appreciate hearing from Spring’s High Lord. Besides, he seems like he’d be more into pathetic males.”

Tamlin snorted. Lucien said the words casually, like it wasn’t absolutely incredible that he could work people like that, much less a High Lord. But his last line… “What do you mean, pathetic males? Do you find me pathetic?”

Lucien scoffed. “Please, Tam. After everything you did for Feyre after she ditched you? After all you’ve been doing for me? I could ask you to suck my dick and you’d ask how hard.” Tamlin scowled. Lucien wasn’t wrong, though.

“Besides, both you and Tarquin were duped by Feyre romantically. You can bond over that and convince Tarquin to side with you. My contacts at the Winter Court and Dawn Court have been working Kallias and Thesan. It won’t take much to convince them, especially Kallias after the dozen younglings. And my second Dawn contact, Nuan…” Lucien grinned wickedly. “She’s been working on a little project, courtesy of yours truly. It won’t be long before every Illyrian female rebels against their masters.”

Tamlin’s eyes widened. Oh, the Night Court had no idea how valuable Lucien was. They had no idea what kind of ally they missed out on by treating him like shit. “What do you mean?”

“Let’s just say the Illyrian females will fly high above their enemies,” Lucien said. He got up and patted Tamlin’s shoulder. “Don’t be afraid to turn up the charm, Tam. Tarquin is a pretty sweet guy; he’s young too. Flirting with him a little bit will definitely help your case. And for once, the ‘your hair is clean’ comments won’t be disastrous, but rather help your case.”

Tamlin blinked. “Isn’t Tarquin into females, though?”

Lucien laughed.  “Please, Tam. You don’t live as long as we do and not experiment.” He walked towards the door, then turned back. “Come on, Tam. You know what to do; you’ve been a High Lord for so long. I’m going to go check on Elain before I leave.”

Tamlin watched Lucien walk away, wondering how the hell he was going to flirt with Tarquin without absolutely fumbling everything like he did with Feyre. Although maybe a little fumbling would actually help his case this time. That’s what Lucien had meant, wasn’t it? To be genuine and awkward, Tarquin would appreciate it.

Hmm…

Lucien’s POV Sometimes, Lucien wondered why he bothered.

It had been months since Lucien and Elain had locked eyes and the mating bond had clicked into place. Months since where Elain refused to speak with him almost in any capacity. He knew she had gone through something horrible, that he had to be patient and respectful and give her space, but sometimes it was just so damn hard.

At least she hadn’t objected to staying at the Spring Court rather than the Night Court. He had expected her to protest, but she hadn’t. That was something, at least.

When she had first settled here, Lucien had spoken to her. It had gone like this:

“Are you ok, lady? With staying here,” he had said. “I know it’s not Velaris, but…”

“There are flowers here,” Elain had said quietly. Lucien’s heart rate had kicked up at the response. He was a flirt, a smooth talker, an expert emissary with friends in every court in Prythian and the human lands, yet all words failed him when she looked at him, spoke with him. He’d stumbled, saying “Y-yes, my lady,” cursing himself for stuttering. Why was it so hard? Why were his instincts, the weapons he used to work with people, now his own worst enemies? Taste her, touch her, smell her, claim her. Anyone else seeing him in her presence would think he was angry, but it was only him resisting the innate urge to take her in ways she was in no way ready for. The mating bond he’d grown up revering was proving to be more a curse than a blessing. At least at the moment.

“There is no need for a gardener here,” Elain had murmured, so quietly Lucien wasn’t sure if it was even directed at him. “The magic of the land means that flowers are always in bloom.”

“That leaves you available to do other things. Not just hobbies like baking. But something more than that.” Lucien grasped for the speech that always abandoned him when she was around, but to no avail. “Sorry. That sounded wrong. Did I offend you, my lady?”

“A bit harsh, perhaps.” Elain smoothed the skirts of her dress. Lucien couldn’t believe how beautiful she was every time she looked at him. Her long brown hair tumbled down her shoulders in waves like the stunning fall of Autumn leaves. It perfectly framed her soft face and doe eyes. What about Jesminda? Some small part of him screamed, even now. But the rest of his body was overtaken by the mating bond.

“But you’re correct,” Elain mused. “I cannot tend to my little garden forever.” She met his eyes then. “But I’m not certain I am ready for more now, Lucien.”

He understood the double entendre in the words. “I understand, my lady. I shall take my leave now.” He bowed as he left the room.

That wasn’t the same Elain he saw now, talking and laughing with Alis.

Some light had returned to her eyes, some spark that he hadn’t seen before. And just that little bit of joy made her look so heartbreakingly gorgeous that Lucien’s heart hurt.

Well, there was no need to speak to her. She looked perfect. Lucien made to turn away when Elain sensed him. Her smile faded slightly, but Alis beamed at him. “Lucien, you scoundrel.” She wrapped him in a hug and Lucien couldn’t contain his grin. “Lady Alis,” he bowed.

“None of that,” Alis said. “I swear you grow more and more handsome by the day. What is your secret?” Alis tossed him an apron.

Lucien replied with, “Lots and lots of exercise.” He winked at her, and Alis swatted his arm. “I’m surprised you have time for little old me when you’re off ruling a kingdom now.”

“I’ll always have time for you, lady,” Lucien replied. Alis just laughed. “You don’t fool me with your gentlemanly act, Lucien. But I’m glad you haven’t forgotten about us.” Lucien smiled at Alis, and was so determinedly avoiding Elain’s gaze that he didn’t realize that the way Elain was looking at him was slightly awed- and quite infatuated. As if seeing Lucien in his element had brought something out in her.

#pro lucien vanserra #lucien vanserra #elucien #pro tamlin #tamlin #tarquin #tamcien #fanfic #villain origin story #nuan #nuan acotar #lucien x nuan #anti inner circle

[pandoa]

Hello (◕ᴗ◕✿) congratulations on hitting 100 followers I'm sure you'll grow much more in the future with your wonderful content (*´ω｀*) I would like to request Lilia Vanrouge with red roses and narcissus in castle grounds or the Vanrouge manor.

Thank you and have a great week ( ◜‿◝ )♡

Red roses ~ “i’m afraid your existence in my life has tremendously done wonders to my racing heart. i may have to ask for yours in return”

Narcissus ~ “forgive me for being envious, but i must be selfish for just this once” 

~lilia vanrouge x gender neutral reader~

DEEMAYAZ TYSM FOR REQUESTING THIS, I HAD SO MUCH FUN WRITING. i also audibly squealed when i read your ask; i love writing for lilia sm <3 it got longer than expected but i've realized i suck at keeping the word limit smh. i really hope you enjoy this one!

♡a fae's desire♡

Lilia had no right to feel this way, and he knew it.

You were merely a worker at the Vanrouge manor. A cook, a housekeeper, a servant. Loyal to him since the day you arrived at the grandiose household, he had considered you as one of his most trusted allies in all of Twisted Wonderland. He adored you with every fiber of his aging soul. Certainly, you were a dear worker of his who strived to satisfy his needs, no matter how demanding they seemed to be.

However, he had soon come to realize that that was the main issue between both you and him. You may have worked for the old fae, but you were most definitely not his. 

It strangely irritated him to his core.

Seeing you there, standing in the manor’s intricate kitchen, laughing along to whatever absurdity your—albeit quite handsome—friend had just whispered into your pixieish ears. With a smile so effervescent, Lilia saw as you swiftly threw your head back in amusement, eyes shining brighter than the constellations themselves, reacting to your friend’s comedic comments. You seemed like you were enjoying yourselves, and Lilia did not wish to interrupt your time with your fellow cook at the Vanrouge household. As long as your euphoric cheers graced his hearing from afar, the fae knew he would always be content with just knowing you were filled with gleefulness in your simplistic life.

However, this time, it had been completely different.

Lilia’s usually perky demeanor soon dissipated and distorted into one of hostility and rage as he caught a glimpse of your dear friend gradually stepping closer and closer to your oblivious form. With their arm resting around your shoulders, they pointed their gaze to your full lips, entranced by the way it fluently moved with majesty as you spoke. Lilia scoffed humorously at the sight. Your friend loved you, did you not see? Were you truly that adorably blind?

The old fae’s thoughts then cultivated into one of impulsiveness as he was now currently stringing you along the narrow halls of the manor in a blink of an eye, firmly—but not painfully—grasping your wrist to lead you away from your flirtatious companion. He would have none of it. This sort of distasteful aggression was unlike him, though; he was normally known as an individual who carried himself with a lighthearted skip to his step. Someone, who despite all obstacles, would defeat them all with a carefree grin to his face. But one’s passion can expose even the slightest hints of weakness in oneself, and Lilia had been no exception.

“Lilia!” you frantically said, calling out to the head of the Vanrouge household as he continued to briskly stroll around the building, with you struggling behind him. “Lilia, slow down! What in Twisted Wonderland are you doing?”

The man in question suddenly halted at his place beside a rather large window, the shimmering sun fluctuating the intensity of his red-colored eyes. He had to have courage. Else he allowed someone else to capture your affections without him admitting his to you first. No, no, that simply would not do~

Balletically spinning his figure to meet yours, Lilia shot you a reassuring smile to counter your concerned one. It was now or never. 

“Forgive me for being envious, but I must be selfish for just this once,” Lilia gently spoke as he reached out to take your hand in his.

“Huh?” You returned the fae’s strange actions with a look of utter confusion. “Whatever could you mean?”

Lilia sighed, peeved but not surprised by your cluelessness. Making sure he had your undivided attention, Lilia decided it would be best to directly get to the main point of why he had pulled you off to the side so desperately. “Seeing you with your… friend has enlightened me to a devastatingly desirable realization,” he sternly declared in your ears.

“I’m afraid your existence in my life has tremendously done wonders to my racing heart. I may have to ask for yours in return, fufu."

“Then take it,” you said immediately, almost whispering, “It has always been yours. It is only right that you treasure what has been given to you.”

Lilia, feeling his face beginning to burn up in a soft pink flame, was taken aback by your straightforward answer. Fairies did leaps and twirls in his stomach, a bashful sweat formed on the insides of his palms, and his heartbeat continued to pulsate vigorously as if it had been seconds away from flying out of his chest.

Oh, dear. You really were aware of the effects you had on his old soul, weren't you?

a/n: i had a dark academia playlist playing in the background while writing this to ~get in the mood~ and for a second there i almost thought i was writing an 1800s vampire fic lol

#twisted wonderland #disney twisted wonderland #disney twst #twst #twst wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #twst imagines #twst scenarios #lilia vanrouge #twst lilia #lilia twisted wonderland #lilia twst #lilia vanrouge x you #lilia vanrouge x reader #lilia vanrouge imagines #lilia x reader #lilia x y/n #lilia x you #diasomnia #blossom grove prompt event

[jacksgreysays]

Hey, guess who's got a pair of songs for you? I heard "Cant Stand the Rain" by The Rescues ages ago, and just recently heard "Rain" by grandson & Jessie Reyez. The moment song 2 hit my ears I was like, "These have to be smashed together, somehow." And since I once sent you that prompt for "Thunder and Lightning" and "Thunder", I thought of you. <3

!!!!! <3<3<3<3 Hello, loveelemental!

Okay, after checking out these songs and their lyrics, I just want to say that none of the following is a value judgement—I do like both of these songs that you’ve brought to me—but the POV/personalities of these songs are VERY… hm…

You’ve brought to me two songs that are in a dialogue with each other and, on the surface, could appear to be in opposition with each other. BUT, I do think they’re both rather… cynical in a sense, so they’re not truly opposite ends of a spectrum.

Because, okay, Can’t Stand the Rain is very cynical, post-relationship, everything is bad and I hate it and why should I do anything to change it? “My blackened heart,” “I’d empty [the pots and pans filling with rainwater] out but why?” even the repeating “Love, no such thing as love,” FEELS very “I just got broken up with and I’m going to wallow in my own sadness” not even necessarily “I miss/still love the person I broke up with” but a very selfish, cynical “the world sucks so now I’m going to be miserable.”

Which is certainly one way to handle a break up.

Another way is in Rain, the difference most embodied by “I don’t mind the rain sometimes.” Emphasis on the SOMETIMES. And while the person in this song is slightly less cynical—in that crying/rain is what makes roses bloom and that “it’s better to have loved and lost…” although it doesn’t include the rest of the saying which IS IMPORTANT “than to never have loved at all.”

This person ALSO is wallowing in their own sadness post-relationship but almost… reveling in it? Very emo. A+ They’re literally “making peace with the rain” and “dancing with the pain,” and turning the break up/end of the relationship into a learning opportunity of sorts? It’s not AS cynical but it IS as selfish… or maybe self-centered…

I think what I’m trying to articulate is that both of these songs represent people who are HURT by a break up/end of a relationship, but not necessarily HEARTBROKEN if that clarifies anything at all… Because there’s no YEARNING either for their former partners or even for the relationship itself. It’s just… here is the new normal, how do I react to it.

Now to step away from song analysis, into potential fic writing.

Immediately I can think of two ways to go with this:

The two POVs of the songs are the two people in the relationship that ended and this is how each of them deal with it. Or,

This is the same person after some time has passed.

I’ll be honest, both of them are kind of funny.

Because with (1) it just really shows how, probably, it was the best for the relationship to end considering how selfish the lyrics are on both sides. Rain is slightly more romantic in the sense that it’s “because of this break up I can grow as a person” but it’s still pretty selfish, lol. Like… both of them are stewing in their own misery and meanwhile their respective friend groups (if they have them) are just like, “Oh thank god, they’ve broken up.”

With (2) the less time passing, the funnier it gets. Going from Can’t Stand the Rain into Rain after a week is funny, but after a day? That’s hilarious… I guess you can go in the other direction and it would also be funny—Rain into Can’t Stand the Rain, that is—but regardless the shorter the time jump the better.

I suppose there is option 3) in which these are two people who were in two different relationships and then the fic could be about them learning to be less selfish in love with each other? Or maybe being in love with someone who is as selfish as you and being okay with it? I don’t know.

… I’m trying to think if there’s a pairing for (1) or a character for (2) that would work but I don’t really do comedy, much less this anti-romantic comedy, so the I don’t know if my go to characters really match the genre. Although there is something to be said about how my reluctance to cast anyone into these roles speaks more about me wanting my characters to not be this kind of selfish/self-centered which isn’t accurate to real life. I should probably have more selfish/self-centered character to play around with. Or, rather, I should realize that some of the characters I write DO have the capacity to be this way, I have just been softening/glorifying them without exploring their full personalities.

Then again, I also don’t really write relationships as the main focus? Like, even my shipping fic is more of a method to explore various AUs or themes that aren’t necessarily romance based. Even Dreaming of S(omething,) my ShikakoxGaara series, and which I consider to have some of my most romantic writing in it, is more about how home can change from one place to another, or to a person. How a different environment can reveal as much about yourself as it does the new place you’re in. Even Dreaming of S(elfishness) doesn’t even have them being that selfish and has less to do with jealousy over an engagement and more about, like, establishing clearly what you want rather than just letting something passively come to you and passively watch it go.

Although… while I don’t write much in the (anti-) romantic genre that often, I do LOVE reading about, hm, estranged exes reuniting and having to hash out the mistakes from their past and bittersweetly getting closure before maybe giving the relationship another chance or starting a new relationship knowing the follies of their younger selves. But these songs feel freshly out of the relationship, whereas my preference for estranged exes reuniting usually has the benefit of years (if not decades, I do love when it’s like… ex high school sweethearts meeting up as full grown adults) in between the break up and the reunion.

If these songs are the initial response to the break up and part of the aforementioned youthful follies, then… okay. So I’m still kind of in Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint headspace, and while I MOST love Yoo Joonghyuk x Kim Dokja estranged high school exes reuniting, the dichotomy of these two songs FEELS more like what Han Sooyoung and Yoo Sangah would throw at each other in a fight.

Like, Can’t Stand the Rain feels like Han Sooyoung’s response to the break up—an almost destructive, heedless misery—whereas Rain would represent Yoo Sangah’s external perfection versus her internal flaws. Like the argument would contain:

YSA: At least I didn’t go around making my misery everyone else’s problem. HSY: Oh, as if you’re any better Miss Every Experience Is A Learning Opportunity, bullshit!

Like, I don’t know the whole argument, but that’s the vibe I’m feeling…

Surely there’s another couple that embodies this dynamic in my usual fandoms, but I am STRUGGLING to think of them for now…

And then, unfortunately, as I was writing this, I realized (2) was pretty much just 500 Days of Summer so… ¯_(ツ)_/¯

Probably not what you were looking for, loveelemental, but I appreciate you reaching out :D

#jacksgreyson #loveelemental #asks #answers #prompt response #links #brainstorm #meta analysis #omniscient reader's viewpoint #han sooyoung #yoo sangah

[hauntedmilkshake1]

I come from my cave to showcase a drabble i woke this morning because naegiri brain rot is real. Its pretty short but whatevs i need to get out of this writers block funk anyway i can.

Content Warning for suggestive themes.

“Makoto you *do* remember how long these jeans took to button this morning correct? And that was before the 3 slushies and however much butter was in that popcorn.” Kyoko protested, stifling a burp as she gazed down at her blubbery midsection, pondering slightly about the last time she truly saw her feet. Having her jeans unbuttoned after the meal was far from uncommon, along with wardrobe malfunctions in general, to the point of the initial embarrassment of having said wardrobe malfunction be non-existent at this point.

“Sure, but that shirt won’t stretch down far enough to cover you if we just leave it unbuttoned. And I don't want people staring at us and making a fuss.” Makoto replied, demonstrating that lack of free fabric by trying to tug down the faded T-shirt Kyoko had thrown on when getting ready, its design warped and stretched as it was forced down over her abdomen, only to slowly rise back up near to her chest. 

“Well even if they did make a fuss I’m sure it wouldn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things, it wouldn’t be the first time anyone would come up to us judging my appearance, certainly not the first time I’ve been stared at either. Unless this is a way of saying you just want me to burst out of these jeans don’t you?” Kyoko remarked with a slight grin at the end of her sentence, cupping a handful of her belly and drifting her hand over her lower spare tire, stifling another burp.

Makoto felt this face blush slightly, his cunning ruse slipping through like water.

“W-well it’s good for public decency that’s all! Besides these haven’t fit in ages anyway so we could also just go to the mall tomorrow and try on ne-”

“We have 10 minutes until the next movie starts playing, if you can get these buttoned in that time then we’ll follow your plan of “*public decency*” ok?” Kyoko stated, reaching over her gut and grabbing the two sides of her jeans, lazily tugging the button over her taut tummy.

*9 ½ minutes later*

-crrrrrrk-

“I can…barely breathe…” Kyoko mumbled as she waddled out of the theater room and into the main foyer. Each part of her near 515 lbs body jiggled with each movement. Somehow by the will of every strand of hope the two had gathered from their time knowing one another. Makoto got Kyoko’s pants buttoned. She could barely breathe and from all the food there was still a sliver of fat poking over the waistband but it all held together…relatively speaking. Kyoko was starting to regret the 3 chili cheese ‘dogs she had the waiter get for her before the movie started. And the slushies….and the big gulp soda. Regardless she was incredibly full and these jeans were not helping at all.

Thankfully, it was well into the evening so the main theater hall was void of commotion, aside from the few patrons topping up on popcorn or coming out of another screening.

“Almost to the elevator kiri…just a little further” Makoto reassured as he tried to keep his gaze off his girlfriend’s rippling beach ball of a gut struggling to be contained inside her ill-fitting “stretchy” jeans. They were the biggest size they had at the local mall and with Kyoko pushing further into the 500s…custom sizes were the next step to go really. Her gargantuan hips kept brushing against Makoto's thighs. Makoto looked back at Kyoko once again and realized very small rips and holes had appeared on the sides of her jeans.

“Huh, well that explains the popping sounds I heard when she got into the car.” Makoto thought to himself as they approached slowly to the elevator.

“From now on…leggings only…” Kyoko huffed out as she did her best to suck her overflowing tummy in as best she could, every movement she could feel the fabric stretch and groan ever more. The zipper had started to succumb to the pressure and she could hear a *TIK* every so often as the zipper slowly forced itself down its metallic pronged line slowly revealing a glimpse at both her panties and taut belly. 

“But you look so good in them! I'm sure there's other stores that sell bigger sizes!” Makoto said. He knew better than anyone that finding clothes for Kyoko was a nightmare, but dammit if he didn’t enjoy squeezing himself into a changing room with his girlfriend to help zip up another dress or have to unbutton another pair of pants after a meal. Those moments were too golden to pass up.

*Crrrrrrrk*

“Well, considering how the store clerk talked to us when we bought these last month…i doubt that…*huff* This is not comfortable…” Kyoko replied, her voice shifting from its usual direct and calm demeanor to almost groaning tone, her discomfort in her clothes clearly showing. Thankfully they’d finally reached the elevator and Makoto quickly pushed the button and they both walked into the small metal box, the frame pressing down slightly under Kyoko's girth.

The two took one last look at the emptying theater hall as the steel doors slammed shut and the metal contraption whirred its way down to the parking lot.

*CRRRRRRRRRK* 

*SNAP*

*POP*

Kyoko had finally given up trying to keep it all and finally relaxed her blubbery tummy, the button accepting its fate as it exploded off of her jeans and smacking into the face of the steel doors, leaving a faint mark on it as it did so, now landing by Makoto’s foot.

“Thank goodness…I can breathe again, at this point I’m far from bothered if anyone sees me like this.” Kyoko sighed with relief as she untucked her quivering gut and let it pool and droop over her crotch, letting another burp escape her mouth as she did so.

“I can see you enjoyed that show didn’t you?” Kyoko teased slightly, as she turned her head to Makoto, pretending not to notice the bulge forming in his own pants.

Makoto flushed a shade of red across his face as he nodded enthusiastically. Despite being together for so long and indulging in this hedonistic kink for so long too, Kyoko's mannerisms still made Makoto's mind have fireworks going off.

“I assume the parking lot is fairly empty by this point, and that little stunt did take a lot out of me. So if you’re feeling how i assume you are…let's indulge some more in the back seat of the car…and afterwhich, maybe some actual dinner too.” Kyoko muttered as she leaned into Makoto, her massive frame pressing into him, her plump lips meeting his for a quick kiss before the elevator went *DING* and the metallic doors slowly opened to the vacant parking lot.

“Yeah. That sounds lovely.” Makoto replied.

#stuffedronpa #stuffed ronpa #kyo.ko kiri.giri #mak.oto nae.gi

[melanielocke]

Alastember - day 29 - free choice 1

This day is the sequel to the Sleeping Beauty AU, the second most requested from the AU week. I just wrote it today and didn't edit because I didn't have the time but I hope you like it. @alastair-appreciation-month

‘Can I ask you something?’ Thomas asked.

‘Depends on what you wanted to ask,’ Alastair said.

Alastair had been seeing Thomas every night in his dreams for a month now. He wasn’t yet sure if he were the one, if he was going to break the curse, but Alastair had high hopes for him. Thomas was kind, and Alastair liked spending time with him.

‘What is going on with Grace? Why is she here, I mean? She said she’s the one who cursed you.’

‘My mother is the goddess of the sun,’ Alastair said. ‘Grace is the daughter of the moon goddess. Our mothers do not always get along, and Grace was raised to belief we were her enemy. She was raised in a temple by her mother’s priests, she didn’t know any better. When she came of age, a being started speaking to her and Grace believed it was her mother. I’m not completely sure how it happened, but in the end she cursed me to eternal sleep. I think she discovered the being speaking to her was not her mother at all but rather a being of great evil that was contained by the sun and moon goddesses. Ashamed of her actions, Grace chose to remain here, locked inside the castle along with Cordelia and Risa. She altered the curse too, to allow me to be woken up by someone who loves me. She believes it is vital that I wake, because when the evil that tempted her escapes she’ll need my help to stop it.’

‘Oh. I’m so sorry about it all,’ Thomas said. ‘It just sucks, for all of you.’

Alastair shrugged, leaning against the base of a tree. ‘I am glad that I could have met you, at least. I’m enjoying our time together. Would you show me what the city looks like now? I have no idea how much it has changed.’

The dreamworld could be changed by them both, and Alastair had taken them to places he remembered loving so far. The palace library, his sitting room, the gardens. Thomas hadn’t taken much initiative to change the scenery yet.

‘I didn’t realize that was possible. But I’ll try.’

‘Picture the city in your head. A place you like.’

‘There’s this teashop I really like,’ Thomas said.

Tea shops had been common in  Turan before Alastair had fallen asleep and he’d loved to frequent tea shops with Cordelia when he was younger. He wondered if any of his favorite places existed anymore.

The scenery changed to the inside of the teashop. The interior certainly had Turanian influences, but so much of it was nothing like Alastair could recognize. It looked nice, he guessed, but it wasn’t what he was used too.

‘Can we eat or drink anything in here?’

‘It’s all a dream, so it won’t sustain our bodies, but we can enjoy the experience at least,’ Alastair said. ‘It’s possible eating too much in here will lead to extreme hunger too.’

Something like that had happened with Charles, he thought. When Charles had entered his dreams, he’d been struck by Alastair’s looks, or something like that. He’d wanted to sleep with Alastair, and within their dreams that was possible. Alastair had agreed to it at first, after all, if Charles wanted him so badly he could grow to love him too, right? But Charles had become more and more demanding and Alastair suspected it had something to do with them only sleeping together in their dreams. It left Charles’ body desperate for more and no matter how hard Alastair tried he could not fully satisfy Charles in the dreamworld. In the end, Alastair had grown to the dread the night, when Charles would be with him and demand more. He wasn’t sure how or why he’d left, but he was glad for it.

Alastair imagined eating and drinking here might be similar for Thomas. Nice and enjoyable, but it could not truly satisfy his needs. Of course, Thomas would still be able to eat while he was awake to satisfy his hunger.

‘I’ll keep it to some tea,’ Thomas said. ‘The rose petal and cardamom tea is my favorite.’

‘My mother used to make me something similar, before she returned to the sky,’ Alastair said. ‘I’d like to try it too. It’s traditional Turanian.’

Two mugs with tea appeared on the table, a little too hot to drink still. It smelled exactly like the tea his mother used to make.

‘What was it like, living with her?’ Thomas asked.

Alastair looked away. He wasn’t sure that was something he was ready to talk about it yet. It wasn’t his mother who was the problem, but she had left him. It was the way things were, the sun goddess couldn’t remain on earth for long stretches of time. It might have been fine too, if it weren’t for his father. In the end, Father had left Turan about a year before the curse.

‘I miss her,’ Alastair said. ‘She was there for us a lot when Cordelia and I were little, but she had to return to the sky more and more. Risa took care of us in her absence.’

It had been a long time since he’d seen Risa too, but Alastair had slept through so much of it that it felt like it had not been that long ago.

‘I imagine it must be difficult,’ Thomas said. ‘To be the child of a goddess.’

‘It was. But Cordelia and I have abilities of our own too. We grew up in a castle, and we had Risa to take care of us. It wasn’t all bad.’

Thomas tilted his head. ‘What about your father? He’s mortal, isn’t he?’

‘He should be long dead,’ Alastair said. ‘I’d rather not talk about him. I did not have a good relationship with him and it’s something I’d rather forget.’

Thomas nodded. ‘Of course. I’m sorry.’

‘It’s okay. This is good tea, it’s a lot like what my mother used to make. Can you show me more of your life and the places you go? The world has changed so much, I’m scared I won’t understand it anymore when I wake.’

He was hopeful he’d wake within the current day. He was hopeful Thomas would come to love him. Alastair desperately wished it would be him, because he’d spent every dream with Thomas since he’d arrived and Alastair couldn’t bear the idea of Thomas choosing to be with another.

‘Okay. I can show you my home. My parents. Wait, what would happen if we were to bring real people into the dream? Is that possible?’

‘We don’t control their actions, they typically in the way we’d expect them too. Not always what they’d actually do. I don’t think the real versions of them know anything about the dream, though with Cordelia I’m not entirely sure. When I summon her here she shows no sign of having any idea what’s going on and just goes with the dream.’

‘I could introduce you to them then. But I’d have to introduce you again once we’re awake,’ Thomas said. ‘Still, worth a try, right? Come, I’ll walk you to my house.’

‘You could just change the scenery, you know.’

‘Yes, but you wanted to see how much the world has changed. So why not take a walk through the city?’

It was a marvelous idea, and Thomas’ memory was quite good, showing him the entire route from the tea shop to his house. Some of the buildings looked traditionally Turanian, but art styles changed and so had the city. He’d learnt from Charles that Turan was inhabited by many different ethnic groups, that the original Turanians who’d stayed had encouraged foreigners to come to Turan in the hopes that Alastair’s true love would be among them. The city had changed a lot due to that, but Alastair thought there was beauty in it too.

‘This is where I used to go to school,’ Thomas said.

‘I had private tutors,’ Alastair said. ‘I wonder what it would have been like to go to school.’

‘It’s nice, to play with other children, I guess,’ Thomas said. ‘You probably learn more with a private tutor, except you don’t learn how to socialize.’

‘We did go out to play after classes,’ Alastair said. ‘Cordelia was a lot better at making friends, I was usually only included because Cordelia insisted. I think other children were a little scared of me since I’m a demigod. Cordelia might be too, but she appears more human, I think. She’s good with people. I never was.’

‘I imagine it’s isolating, to be so different from everyone else,’ Thomas said.

‘I guess it was,’ Alastair said. ‘But I wouldn’t give up my powers for anything. Perhaps that’s stupid, but they’re so much a part of me I wouldn’t feel like myself anymore without them.’

‘I understand,’ Thomas said. ‘What was it you could do exactly?’

‘I had control over light primarily,’ Alastair said. ‘But not in the way you might expect. My expertise was to cast illusions by bending the lights. I could turn myself invisible, or change my appearance when I didn’t want to be recognized.’

‘I’d love to see that when you’re awake,’ Thomas said. ‘I’m sure it won’t be long now.’

Alastair looked up at Thomas. ‘Why do you think that?’

‘Because I’m falling for you,’ Thomas said. ‘At first, I was just in love with the idea of you, in love with the story. But I like getting to know the real you. I like hearing you talk, and I like spending time here with you, but more than anything I hope you’ll wake someday.’

Alastair felt his cheeks flush as he looked at Thomas. He hadn’t considered… But if Thomas was really developing feelings for him, it might not be long anymore. When Charles had come here, Alastair had been so lonely, so desperate for affection, that he’d let it all happen. But Charles had taken advantage of him, and Alastair had realized he was not at all the kind of man he wanted to be with. He wanted someone kind and gentle, someone who wanted to protect him and take care of him. Someone who understood him. Someone like Thomas.

‘We’re here,’ Thomas said. ‘Sorry if my parents act weird or anything… They do sometimes in my dreams.’

‘Don’t worry about it,’ Alastair said. ‘Dreams are unpredictable. I won’t judge them if they act weird in here.’

Thomas showed Alastair to his bedroom, which was in a very unusual style. It wasn’t particularly big, but it was nice, he guessed. Alastair sat down on the bed. It was firm and comfortable.

‘It’s probably nothing compared to what you’re used to,’ Thomas said.

‘That’s fine. I’ve wondered what modern people sleep in anyway,’ Alastair said.

‘Beds, usually. I have a double bed because I like to take up space as I sleep. Or in case I ever find a boyfriend. You could come sleep here sometime if you wake up.’

‘I think I’ll be done sleeping for some time when I wake,’ Alastair said. ‘But there are other ways we could put your bed to use.’

‘I have… never actually done anything like that before,’ Thomas said, an awkward laugh on his face.

‘That’s okay. I’ve never really had sex either. Awake, I mean. I’m honestly not sure if having sex in a dream counts.’

‘I would say no, except that if you were to have sex with someone in a dream like this I’d say that counts.’

Alastair nodded. In that case, he’d lost his virginity to Charles. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that and he wished Charles had never come to the castle.

He’d learnt to see by now when someone was waking up. Thomas was starting to fade, it was morning already and soon he would wake and start his day, while Alastair would have to wait in here before he could see Thomas again.

‘Have a good day,’ Alastair said.

‘Five more minutes,’ Thomas muttered. ‘I haven’t even kissed you yet.’

‘Is that what you wanted?’ Alastair asked softly.

‘I’d like too.’

Alastair pulled Thomas closer to him, holding on for the few more minutes Thomas would be asleep. Then he kissed Thomas. It was quick and soft, Thomas gasped in surprise when their lips met. Then Thomas put his hands on Alastair’s hips and pulled him closer. Alastair made a soft sound in surprise, leaning into Thomas’ embrace.

‘I think I’m in love with you,’ Alastair whispered.

Before Thomas could say anything in response, he was gone.

Thomas woke up that morning with a smile on his face. Alastair had kissed him. And sure, it had been a dream, but to Thomas that did not make it any less real. He’d just been kissed for the first time. And just before he’d woken up, Alastair had said he was in love with Thomas.

Thomas had been unable to respond, shot awake in joy, and certainly too awake to go back to sleep today. Instead, he changed into his clothes and went to the dining hall for breakfast, which was traditional Turanian flat breads with rose petal jam and a cup of tea very similar to what he’d had in his dream. Alastair had been right that drinking tea in his dream had brought on a craving for this while he was awake.

‘You look excited,’ Cordelia said. ‘Nice dream?’

‘It was good,’ Thomas said. ‘I think I might actually break the curse within the next couple of weeks. Days even.’

He heard a crash, and all four people at the breakfast table looked up. ‘There’s no one else in the palace, is there?’ Thomas asked.

‘Shouldn’t be,’ Risa said.

‘I’ll go check it out,’ Cordelia said. ‘Thomas, come with me.’

Thomas followed Cordelia to where the sound had come from, and at the bottom of long spiral spairs was Alastair, on the ground, looking a little dazed.

‘Alastair,’ Cordelia whispered. ‘You’re awake.’

Thomas knelt down next to him and helped him to his feet. ‘What happened?’ he asked. ‘Does it hurt anywhere?’

‘Everywhere, but not too bad,’ Alastair said. ‘I woke up, but there were too many stairs and my body couldn’t take it and I fell. I didn’t fall far though. I’m fine.’

‘I’m so glad you’re awake,’ Thomas said. ‘I was hoping it’d happen soon, but never had I imagined…’

‘I think kissing you helped trigger it,’ Alastair said.

‘Perhaps. But I love you either way. I loved having tea with you, showing you around the city. I loved just being there in the dream with you, and I’m so happy you’re finally awake.’

‘You should eat something,’ Cordelia said. ‘It’s been a while, I imagine.’

‘I’m starving,’ Alastair admitted.

‘Come on, Risa made flatbread with rose petal jam,’ Cordelia said. ‘She’s going to be so happy to see you’re awake too.’

‘Has it really been a hundred years?’

‘It has,’ Cordelia said. ‘It’s been a strange time. Lonely too. But now that the curse is broken, the palace should open again and we won’t have to live alone here anymore.’

Alastair stiffened. ‘I’m not sure I’m ready to go back out there. I don’t understand the modern world anymore.’

‘I can be your guide,’ Thomas suggested. ‘I know the modern world. You don’t have to go back to the way everything was, you can take the time you need in here.’  

@alastaircarstairsdefenselawyer @life-through-the-eyes-of @styxdrawings @justanormaldemon @ipromiseiwillwrite @a-dream-dirty-and-bruised @amchara @all-for-the-fanfiction @imsoftforthomastair @ddepressedbookworm @queenlilith43 @wagner-fell @cant-think-of-anything @laylax13s @tessherongraystairs @boredfangirl16 @artist-in-soul @broodyhawthorne @ikissedsmithparker

#Alastair Carstairs #Thomas Lightwood #Cordelia Carstairs #the last hours #fanfiction #sleeping beauty au #alastember 2022

[siriusblackloml]

🤍 𝐦𝐚𝐦𝐦𝐚 𝐦𝐢𝐚! ... give me your favorite color, zodiac sign, and a character of your choice and i will tell you how i think you two met!

•black

•virgo

•tom riddle

thanks for the request!~

quidditch sucked sometimes! i mean really how the hell do these students just fly around the air so effortlessly

no seriously WHO HAS THE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION??

you certainly do not, it's something that leaves you in complete disarray every time you have to go outside with the rest of your class to learn the history of quidditch and how to properly board your broom

one day it just became a little too much for you, deciding to sneak away from class to avoid any further embarrassment

the day before your broom had nearly hit you in the face...well, today it did

of course it was only going to leave a small bruise above your eyebrow and that wasn't necessarily enough to be sent to the medical wing

so why not take yourself out of the situation yourself? you were a baddie like that yk

and so you ran off to the nearest bathroom located within the school to just escape it all

you were by yourself, looking in the mirror above the sink at the darkening spot on your face

suddenly, the door bursts open to reveal a rather handsome boy around your age who had a wand and black notebook in hand

he looked like he was on a mission of the sorts, and was completely stopped from the sight of you

your jaw drops open as you realize where he was

you blurt out, "h-hey! wrong bathroom, dude"

the boy stops in his tracks and it was in this moment you recognized him as tom riddle, a slytherin who had the reputation of being...strange and mysterious

you wondered if he had a reputation for being attractive because DAMN he was something else

he just chuckles and says, "i'm surprised to even see anyone in here. this place is usually vacant..."

you don't say anything, unsure as to what he implied with that

i mean seriously what do you say to that? is he saying he goes into the ladies room a lot? what a weirdo

tom takes a few steps forward and his eyes take notice of your injury, to which he says, "you're hiding, aren't you? what's got you weak enough to hide in a bathroom all day?"

you scoff and joke, "apparently sports are not my thing.."

he makes the connection and clicks his tongue

he sets down his things on the counter, his hands leaning forward to take hold of your face to move them towards his direction

that way he can study your face more and in better lighting 

his touch leaves you feel explosive inside and out, you're not sure why, but you craved more

which was strange...you barely knew him, plus this was all happening in a bathroom! what?!

tom looks at the injury some more and tells you, "yeah, that's going to be black by tomorrow...isn't that unfortunate."

the lameness in his voice makes your chest tighten with anger

who was he to come in here and judge you?

you pull away from his touch which surprises him

you tell tom, "i don't need your pity. leave me alone."

he only smiles softly, telling you, "i don't know...maybe i should teach you a few tricks out on quidditch field first before i leave you be"

that being said...he never truly leaves you be

tom fancies you a little too much for his liking, more so just how faithful and loyal you could be to a friend

and he guides you over the course of a couple weeks of just how to get through quidditch like it was nothing

it wasn't long after he starts to request you two study for exams and whatnot

just another excuse to see you

#300 followers celebration!~ #tom riddle x reader #tom riddle x y/n #tom riddle x you #tom riddle #tom riddle headcanon #harry potter

[anthonybialy]

Aging Biden Not Much Worse

A ghastly liar whose appalling ideology inflicts tremendous harm on the nation and this world has had a high quantity of birthdays.  Joe Biden is older than you, almost certainly by percentage.  Take comfort in knowing he was a jerk when he looked like the photo on his driver’s license.

Biden would’ve sucked as president in 1988.  Does that make today feel more bearable?  The observable decline began in law school, where the incumbent began flaunting his fondness for filching the work of others.  A thorough phony got derailed like his beloved Amtrak by plagiarism, which was a hobby he began in law school.

Present depressed primary followers should’ve remembered why even Michael Dukakis was more plausible.  The technical village elder repulses for reasons beyond a scandal too mortifying even for career politicians, namely demonstrably woeful results.

Biden was a dreadful moron during the Nixon presidency.  Age is about 17th on the troublesome issue list with a expert inflation creator and putzing leader.  The truly frightening moments during his regrettable moments speaking in public aren’t when he’s shrouded in mental fog: it’s what he believes during those rare glimpses when he’s coherent.

Fossils who suffer from memory issues sometimes show who they were before losing sharpness.  In Biden’s case, he lashes out over his own shortcomings.  A full-time yapper’s disheartening speeches would be incoherent either way.

A hoary ideology is worse than the geezer who adheres to it.  Biden’s obtuse take on human nature was discredited since even before he entered politics.  

Our president is consistent.  Biden has been a prick in every decade.  An empty life spent being fully unpleasant is reflected in results, which is why he despises them.  The educated dunce’s obsession with letting graduates learn to duck responsibility is partly ideological, but he’s deeply committed personally to unaccountability.

It’s tough to understand others without doing what they do.  The president has no idea.  Empathy might help if he possesses any, so forget it.  Biden put the practice in law.  Those few sketchy years before running for the Senate showed his connection with commoners.

An ostensible president’s struggles with words and thoughts has been reflected in his personality long before the traditional quitting age.  Nastily nonsensical political takes aren’t something he unveiled at his 80th birthday party.  The simpleton-in-chief’s deterioration was only partially in effect when he calmly and rationally claimed Mitt Romney was hellbent on reinstating slavery.

Every single thing Biden has ever believed has been proven wrong.  If he claims the Sun will rise tomorrow, count on perpetual darkness.  Biden eclipses common sense.  The presidential cretin’s decrepitude didn’t just start when he entered his ninth decade.  Anyone who’s endured the misfortune of hearing him speak before he somehow ascended to the government’s highest office can testify.

The president’s lickspittles wish they could preserve his awful ideas without having to deal with the awful person.  Amateurish professional political scientists are unable to change the status quo despite claiming to be good liberals.  Aside from the irony that alleged upheaval aficionados have gotten everything they’ve wanted while holding power, they just don’t have anyone new to sell anciently terrible notions.

The 2020s are the decade where emboldened elderly show they’re still capable of being power-hungry inept fools leading particularly woeful cults.  As a result of their dedication to refusing to release the grasp on authority, this is shaping up to be the worst election possible.  It’s not just because their combined ages sound made up.  The alarming number is 159 counting the miserable challenger’s pending joyless birthday.

Terribleness is bipartisan.  There would’ve been dreadful consequences for America if Trump had commandeered the Republican Party 36 years ago despite having no principles aside from wanting to boss around people.  The only upside would’ve been getting this horrendous bout out of the way so we wouldn’t still be dreading another root canal of a term.  Saddam Hussein would presently be residing in a palace in Kuwait too gaudy for everyone except Trump.

I simply can’t believe an all-time nitwit is diminishing.  It’s not a far fall.  Biden has always been wrong about everything even before he lost count of how many grandchildren he is.  Pop-Pop has always wanted American power invested in the IRS, not the Defense Department.  As a throwback, he was wrong about how to win the Cold War and resisting Ronald Reagan’s tax cuts.  A supreme failure got the dreadful policies he wanted just like he would’ve in the previous century.

Biden helpfully illustrates why being president is not necessarily an accomplishment.  Conservatives who hope to diminish executive power can at least thank him for showing why concentrated power is frightening.  Biden’s sole contribution is making that goal more likely.  Of course, the doltish head of state is only helpful inadvertently.  You’ve seen the consequences of his deliberate attempt at assistance, and Americans remain more broke than when he decided to make everyone rich.  

The real president will continue to be marionettists who are as bad at manipulating their ostensible boss as they are leaving Americans alone.  The pushy scheme of furtive will editors revolves around keeping their figurehead in place.  He cooperates, sort of.  For someone loath to work, Biden won’t retire.  That’s because he’s never tried hard.

#Joe Biden #presidency #2024 presidential election #big government

[leilani-lover]

MANY WAYS TO GET SKINNIER

HOW TO KNOW WHENEVER A GIRL/BOY IS CHEATING ON ME

HOW DO I FUCK SOMEONE WITHOUT THEM CALLING MY DICK SMALL AND PATHETIC

WHERE IS CLAUDIA

WHAT IS THE AGE OF TREES

HOW DO YOU HANDLE A STAB WOUND IN YOUR ARMPIT

oh the many questions we ask the internet everyday for such weird reasons.

Have we truly never heard of the

✨Dangers of internet✨

I know, i know. Old thing. Heard about it all your life. But do you register just how dangerous it is actually?

Like the way your phone camera stalks you just as much as the camera on your tv and computer and iPad.

You're constantly being watched

You're agreeing to give our information to things without even reading through what they say. Whenever it was to give out your exact location or your first born child for satan's breakfast. You're still going to be an idiot, horse cock sucking, calcium sticked fuck.

Like, don't you see the dangers the internet has?

So much presious information. So much sensitive information.

So much power. Yet nobody takes it seriously.

I could steal the information of your account and find our house, full name, age, relationship status, friends and other past relationships, criminal records, hobbies, what you ate for breakfast, how often you work out, how tall you are, how much you weight, were you part of something traumatic etc etc.

Are you not taking these things seriously or what? This Is a real threat damnit. Practically anybody could do the above, with a little bit of training and the right methods of manipulation.

No camera is safe. Goverments and other people are constantly trying to look, stalk and use us. Most of women already are careful. About everyone is careful with their cars. Etc. Why not with your cellphones and laptops and TVs as well? What's so different with them? Don't you know that your phones and apps are collecting your pictures to train AI and to generally use your picture and information for their good? It's constantly collecting something that you should be allowed to control, but you aren't. You just blindly agree to those privacy settings like a Christian would follow religion without questions. Blindly praying and obeying gods orders. You're literally being brainwashed into believing internet is good. Aren't you? Refusing to believe this as well, because the internet brought so much good eh?

Internet is your god and whenever you use it, you're praying, worshipping it.

Ofc the internet had good sides to it as well! I'm not saying it doesn't. But I'm trying to bring up the negative as well. It's good we can share things, option, opinions, art, thoughts, questions, wonders, worldviews, knowledge and so much more to others. And it's good we can entertain, learn and listen to things. But criticism is needed, other than the "internet is the immediate source for your headache, chest aches, etc" it's not always that.

See, I've been in IT classes and we've done so much. We've build computers, fixed them, made websites, mobile apps, AI, HTML coding etc. And the thing I'm focusing on is the films we've watch there. The whole course has been absolutely brilliant. Though it has made me be way more careful about everything. Like you should as well.

I don't know yow strongly you think about the generation alpha. I don't know what you think of them. But theu certainly worry me. The way they are literally glued to their phones. Believing everything there is. Not able to hear their parents voices nor their siblings voices. They hear the voices of different videos or games. They're taught to be glued to their phones by their parents. We literally go do our own shit and give them a table to play with for the mean time. And then when they grow up, we're constantly on our phones as well. Why not go outside somedays? Give toys to the kids. They don't need to be glued to electronics

Hell, when i was young, i was running free on the nature. Eating and throwing whatever came to hand. Biting others toes and crying my heart out. I got my first own electronic when i was like five! Yeah, it's still young as fuck. But i had my life filled with snake games, Tetris, terraria, Minecraft and mostly importantly, outside world and siblings. I've got a couple of younger siblings now. And thr gen alpha part of them scares me. Worries me as elder sibling.

Maybe i might just be a bit paranoid because of the IT classes. But it doesn't mean that I'm entirely wrong. And I'm still worrying about valid things.

That's another thing internet does. Makes people feel invalid and fucked up. It creates groups and unites friends. But it also breaks them and fucks with humans mind. It's way more than you think as well. It doesn't even need to be specifically humans that do the twisting of the mind. It could simply be music, because certain type of music effects your mood. It could also be the information you give to the phone. The ads you get etc. It doesn't take much to fuck up persons mind completely. Give off wrong information to the algorithm and soon you'll have ads about sensitive topics etc.

To those uninformed

Regards, your unknown, Leilani Lovers.

#technology #danger days #punk #scary thought #information #important #informative #i'm dumb #what do you think? #what the fuck #whatever #listen to me on this #fucking listen #listen #gossip #internet #social software internal #coding #IT is fucked #please help #send help #im cryign #crying

[hearthandheathenry]

everyone supposedly has an fs and soulmate yada yada yada but if we havent met ours and if we dont care to really date anyone would it matter if we passed away early, like would our fs or soulmate feel it? do we have to have our lives put together in order to form the connection with our fs?

so many ppl including relatives and cousins either have their lives put together or theyre certainly doing something right and they have all either got their partners or careers and im just like how is that not happening for me then i question if i even want that and then i think well it doesnt matter cause i will die eventually so whats the point?

honestly im not fussed abt existing these days, like im not anyone special i dont have a need to achieve things anymore, used too but then i said fuck it and gave up on trying to exist and succeed. its always something like im either at the wrong place or wrong timing or some other situation in the past that held me back from going for something, or i just lacked what i needed to succeed or im too old not young enough not pretty not rich enough its always that im seemingly not something enough and if life is always abt trying to be a people pleaser instead of pleasing ourselves then im done lol. i will gladly yeet myself out of society and into heaven if i have too as thats probably the only point where id be truly happy as i wouldnt have to do anything ever again and i would never have to feel regret or shame for not having my life put together at this age.

sorry for ranting but im just so over being a person, it has severly sucked. wouldnt recommend instead be a rock in ur next life if there even is a next life, if theres a next life then i would also be done with that full stop too. and the thing about soulmates or even trying to get a partner is its yet another thing that you have to be almost attached to them 24/7 like friends where people can and will dissapoint you over and over and a lot of people will pretend to like you then only want something from you for their benefit so again whats the point when wanting a partner or even a social group? but if we donr have that we are never going to be on anyones radar anyway? might as well not bother with any of it tbqfh.

again sorry for ranting but either i want to not feel like i lack so much even in skills or talents and most times i just want to be a nobody oh wait thats what i already am haha.

Woah! First and foremost, I want to tell you that life is worth living and your life matters. Truly. For no other grand reason but that you are YOU and your purpose is being here, or you wouldn't exist. The universe has a reason for you to be here, or multiple reasons, and you matter, even if you struggle to find that reason(s). And please, let me know if you need help finding resources for mental health.

Second, I think a lot of people feel all these things, and I definitely have felt this way in the past. Maybe sometime I'll write my life story and how things have changed over the years or something, idk. BUT, you are not alone, and there is help out there and ways to make your life better, no matter your situation. Your life could be complete crap and you would still be able to turn it around. I am a firm believer in this.

The caveat, though? Its your choice, and your hard work that makes your life what you make it. We are all given different circumstances but just because we are born in some mud doesn't mean we have to wallow in it. The happiest and most fulfilled people have made the active choice to pull themselves out of their depression and habits and have changed themselves and their lives through emotional and physical labor. Life is not easy. It never claimed to be. THAT SAID, though, life is easier the more aligned you get with the universe and everything around you, and is truly breathtaking, and that comes with healing and changing. You learn psychology (how to take control of your mind), the ways of the world (how to build a support system and community), the metaphysical ways of the world and things we can't explain (some people call this spirituality or religion), and a past time that you genuinely enjoy (some people call this a purpose or sometimes its just a way to make money/survive), and you end up creating a life for yourself that you enjoy. That is the secret to living a happy life. Not higher education, not certain jobs, but honing in those skills will unlock the (seemingly) secret of being happy and will help lead to everything falling in place. A support system is usually the first step because figuring ourselves out is hard and we will need support, then we start mastering our minds and thoughts, and then we usually move onto spirituality to help us answer things our logical mind can't explain, and then we usually find our purposes or things that make life worth living. Things that truly make us glad to be alive.

We all reach a breaking point in our lives (anyone heard of the famous midlife crisis?) and are then given a choice of what we want to do. Usually there's truly no way but up, because the other option is to simply give up and not live. And we, intrinsically, really do want to LIVE. Maybe just not the life we were living. So we get help. Professional help. We reach out to our loved ones and figure out who we can actually rely on when we're at our worst. We build our support network while we work on our minds with the professionals. We start our journey of mastering our minds and working in conjunction with our bodies again instead of giving up. We work on our anxiety, depression, mental issues, and stop overworking ourselves and ignoring our body's signals for rest or change. And then we're left with other questions and needs, so we start delving into spirituality and religion. We start looking at the world around us and society in a different light, because obviously the way society trained us isn't working. The system doesn't work. It wasnt made for spiritual beings, it was made for work drones. And humans are not work drones. Some people find solace in certain religions. Some people just adopt different spiritual practices. We all answer our questions in different ways. We're all living in our own realities and through the lens of our own minds that are wired differently. And then our community and support networks grow. And our minds grow. And our abilities grow. And we start to see these little glimmers of hope of why we like being alive. We look at things in a new light. And then maybe we finally see our purpose, the one outside of just being (which is our main purpose), and, big hint, it usually has something to do with helping others for a lot of people. It is almost never a specific job or title or actual act of doing something. Its an idea. A construct. Maybe we were made to help teach others. Maybe we were made to bring joy to others. Maybe we were made to create with others. Maybe its all these and more. It usually has something to do with connecting with others, which is where we all find the most happiness. Being seen and heard. Helping others be seen and heard. Making a difference, finding meaning. Our hearts and our minds know the plan long before we realize it.

We all have the power to get here. But its a choice. And its a tough one. But its one every single one of us is capable of making. We start by choosing ourselves. By choosing to love ourselves. By radical self love and compassion. And once we choose ourselves, then we can start connecting with others in a more meaningful way, instead of people-pleasing or living for others wants or wishes. We need to be authentically ourselves first. It all starts with you. The real you deep down.

So, I do not have the answers to the questions you ask. The philosophical questions you brought forth is different for everyone, because everyone believes something different. What I say doesn't matter if it does not resonate with your truth and your reality. And no one truly knows these things or has the answers until we have left this world, and the fun part about life is experimenting and trying to figure out the questions while we're here.

What I will say, is finding the answers is easier when you don't skip steps. You seem to have a lot you need to ask yourself before asking others, and finding what matters most to you and figuring out why you have the questions you do and what that means mentally and emotionally. I sense a lot of anxiety and depression and anger and grief and self confidence issues, which will get in the way of a lot of things you are talking about achieving or have questions about if they are not processed and addressed. These are all normal things to deal with, but still things that need to be dealt with.

I could rattle off my own personal opinions about everything you ask, but again, it will not resonate with you if its not for you, and the mental blocks will still be there even after.

Having answers to things does nothing for us if we do not know how to use the information given to us.

Work on yourself and learn how to use information to make changes, and you will start to understand more about the world and things in it, even unseen.

The information I've given above tends to ring true for everyone I've encountered in life thus far, no matter age/gender/race/etc. People just figure it out at different ages and stages in their lives. But even religions tend to agree on these necessary steps taken to reach a higher place in our lives. I hope that it's helpful enough to start you on your journey towards everything you want, and lead you to a life that makes sense for you and one that you find happiness in.

(Adding this post to my pinned list under "How To Find Happiness" for anyone else who may need to hear this information)

#answered asks #life #spirituality #self help #change #hope #struggling #questions #advice #tips #tricks #enlightenment #spiritual #spiritualism #unseen #help #depression #anxiety #grief #anger #therapy #rant #sad #happy #mental health #wellness #how to #relationships #religion #goals