#neglected reader

[gotham-daydreams]

Not Tonight

[Platonic! Yandere! Neglectful Batfam × Gender Neutral! Sibling Reader]

[Warnings: Mentions of Neglect, Reader generally not having a good time.]

(Not proofread. Not too much Yandere shown. Mostly angst with Reader. Set up(?))

2nd part here.

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How many times have you heard them say that? How many times have you tried to do something with them, to share your passion — or even just have some coffee with them, only to hear them say that phrase time and time again.

"Not tonight."

Well, what if you didn't ask them during the night? What if you asked them in the afternoon, or just when they were already up and about?

"Sorry! I can't right now, patrol reeeally kicked my ass last night. Besides, I have some other things that I have to get done, but maybe next time! For sure!"

Okay, right. That makes sense. Sometimes their line of work can be tough and draining, especially when someone is trying to run Gotham to the ground that night. So what if you just try to ask them when they aren't so busy? It may really limit the times you can ask... but you'd still try. Maybe it could also help if you asked for smaller things, like if they'd just like to spend a little time with you before going out again, or if you could just hang around them for a while? Nothing big, and anything was fine. Even if it was just sitting next to them, and having some small talk. Or maybe just the sitting part if talking was too much.

You'd take anything at all.

"I'm actually heading out right now, so I can't stick around. Go ask someone else."

"Can't you see that I already have enough compang with Titus here? Go bother Drake or something, I don't care."

All you could hear was snores past the door when you went to ask. So you moved onto someone else, hoping for a yes as your heart began to squeeze.

Someone had to agree eventually, right?

You begged the Gods as you traveled down the long halls. The chills of reality creeping up on you.

"Sorry, I'm going out to hang with some friends, but maybe next time!"

"..." She just looked at you before shaking her head, and taking her leave.

"I've got something to do at the moment, sorry, but hey, maybe you could ask your old man? Oh! Or maybe Alfred. That's a good idea."

Dick was out in Bludhaven, and you didn't want to bother Barbara considering how bisy she must've been the other night. So, you had no other choice. You asked, heart bleeding from how hard it squeezed.

"Not now."

Simple, to the point, and sharp.

Bruce's words were as cold as ever, and yet the echo in the cave only seemed to make the gap between you and him feel so much bigger. Even as you just nodded, eyes pointed to the floor. Taking your leave with a soft sigh that barely escaped you.

The elevator ride was longer than you remembered. The cold chill in the air grew freezing even as you stepped out, and now stood in one of the many halls in the Wayne Manor. Portraits and pictures decorated the walls, their painted and photographed eyes staring at you. Their gaze far from soft, but at least it was present. At least they, in that way, felt present.

You swore the only times they ever smiled at you that wasn't faked, or just for the sake of appearances was in those paintings and photos. Honestly, it was also probably the most times they've even looked at you too, and as sad as it is — you did say you'd take anything, right?

A 'no' or 'maybe' was part of that anything, technically. It's just not what you were hoping for.

Sighing again, you stared up at one of the portraits, eyes shinging under the lights as everything you refused to say made itself so clear for a moment. You didn't want much, and never asked for more than what you were given. You didn't think so anyway.

You always followed the rules, you did more than just excel in all your classes no matter how hard it was for you to understand certain things, and you even tried to get into things your family seemed to enjoy without pushing too hard.

You studied up on all the pets Damian had so that you could not only care for them properly, but maybe even take care of them with him some day. You played games and read reviews on games you saw Tim play just for a chance that maybe you'd get the opportunity to play with him. You picked up boxing and have even been practicing your aim with an airsoft gun, and have also been going to certain place when you could to practice using real guns and learn about them just so you'd maybe be able to have a conversation with Jason, and even connect with him in some way. You even read nearly all the books in the library just to have a sliver of hope for something, anything.

You learned sign language in three different languages and tried to find out what Cassandra was interested in, just to have some kind of interaction with her. Even writing on small note cards in serval other languages in hopes she'd give some kind of response, even if you forgot to put your initials and such more than several times. You participated in gymnastics in hopes of getting closer to Dick. You tried to find out what Barbra was into so you could also hold up a conversation with her if given the chance. You've tried to match Stephen's energy and do things she likes and have even taken up material arts as a means to maybe be a little closer with everyone!

Yet it never seems like enough.

Your schedule was so packed and filled with activities and extra lessons of all kinds, just so that you could feel like you had something in common with someone in this family. So that, when given the chance, you'd be able to form a connection with one of them and your efforts and sacrifices wouldn't be in vain. Though that still had yet to happen.

You weren't even a vigilante as you tried to persue your own passion and dreams, and yet that one single thing seemed to be keeping you away from everyone else. The one thing you were unwilling to do for them just seemed to make the gap between you and the rest of the family grow bigger. They're constant and continuous dismissals only seemed to further that point.

Just... what were you doing wrong? Was you not being a vigilante and constantly putting yourself at risk every night really putting that much of a dent in your relationships? Did your dreams really get in the way of that? Just because you didn't want to put yourself in danger? Just because you wanted to pursue music instead?

You took up art despite not being super interested in it before. You've been reading all of your life. Your stretched, ran, exercised, cooked, cleaned, organized, sang, wrote, danced, and even sculpted. You picked up almost any hobby someone could have under the sun, even if it began to feel like a chore and a job to you, just so that you could have something, anything in common with this family.

Though now you've gone through countless 'hobbies', and dropped many more since nothing seemed to be working, it... it still didn't feel like enough. Like you had to be doing something more despite having lost countless hours of sleep, just to go through the list of hobbies you had written down that you had left to try. You even took up some sports you were somewhat interested in, and yet nothing clicked.

Though is that really surprising when no one noticed how many times you snuck out for lessons and practice, or how long you were out? When you'd even forget to return to the Manor sometimes, and anyone still had yet to notice you were even gone in the first place?

... You couldn't help the small chuckle that escaped you. It was broken in every way, and yet empty all the same. Maybe you were finally taking after Bruce, but you wouldn't get your hopes up.

You looked up at the painting as if it'd give you all the answers, and yet dismiss you at the same time. The disappointment you felt was normal to you at this point, but the aching pain that came after was always the hardest part. Yet you still stared at the painted faces as if they were your real family, and the people close to them. Looked at the calculated and skilled brush strokes as if they'd give you what your family couldn't. What they refused to give you at every twist and turn, no matter how much you tried to accommodate to them. To do things for them. To just feel worthy enough to stand by their side. To be closer to them.

Though in the end, it is only that. A painting. A well crafted piece that, no matter how skilled the artist, could never truly capture how distant and vague they felt when you were the one standing to the side. No matter how much experience the painter had, they'd never be able to express and show how this poor excuse of a family felt to you, because they were only like that around you.

Maybe you'd feel special if it didn't make you feel like you were wasting your life living like this...

Eventually, you were able to tear you eyes away from the painting. The moon beginning to rise as you were sure the Manor was becoming more empty than it usually was, as more of its visitors and residents left.

The painting itself was nice even if it was one of many that didn't include you, with the number of photographs without you in them being much higher. Honestly, it used to be one of your favorites despite how bittersweet you feel about it now.

You still remember that day, but that would be implying that you forgot the others.

Regardless, you managed to pull yourself away from the spot you had been stuck in for the few moments you were trapped inside your own head. You tried to make yourself feel a little better, and give yourself some reassurance that maybe tomorrow would be different some how, and if not? Perhaps the day after, and the day after that.

Yet it all failed as you passed by more and more memories. Some were events you had participated in, sure, but the pictures made it look like you were never there in the first place. Heartwarming moments littered the halls, but you only recall seeing them from a distance — or being aware that the moment had even happened only when you saw the picture be put up.

It was like the very universe was trying to send you a sign with your constant failures and your family's persistence, intentional or not, to keep you at a distance. You didn't even know if it was appropriate to refer to them as your 'family', and maybe it wasn't considering things, but you still weren't sure.

You had been fighting for a chance to talk with any of them about anything at all for the longest time, because you wanted to be a part of this family. You wanted to spend time with them and really give this 'new life' of yours a chance, but now that 'new' part of this life had worn off. It was hard and honestly more draining than it was rewarding at this point, but you still wanted to give it a try.

Sure, it had been years at this point and now you were just about to go into college, and when you had first arrived here you weren't even middle school, yet little to no progress had been made — you never gave up. You haven't given up. So maybe you could try for a little longer? Just... a little bit, not too much this time, and figure something out?

You almost felt a little sense of hope return to you, no matter how redundant and helpless this situation felt and seemed. Yet it all came crumbling down again when you passed by one of the rooms, and saw something taped to the door.

It was a flier for your performance. One that would be happening soon.

Since your siblings began to pay less and less attention to you as time went on, with your conversations with them growing even shorter, you opted to just tape fliers of your upcoming performances on their doors. Though only the performances you'd thought they'd enjoy, and just hoped that they would show up, if they wanted to, when you stepped onto that stage and approached the instrument you'd be playing for the evening.

You tried texting and other forms of communication at first, but those quickly stopped working and so you just opted for this, and of course it was just as effective as the others.

Alfred was really the only one who listened to your music when you performed, and you only knew that because you caught him playing one of the live performances you had done on the television one day. He not only going out of his way to record the performance, but also trying to find the channel it was broadcasted on.

Ever since you've tried to give him the correct channel number when you do live performances, but that still didn't feel like enough. You loved and appreciated Alfred from the depths of your heart and soul, but what would it take for one of your siblings or close family friends to notice you like that? What would it take for your supposed father to even care to listen to your music? To watch a performance? To not turn you away?

It was only in that moment did a new emotion fuel you. Crawling it's way up your spine as you carefully took the flier in your hands, looking it over before ripping it off the door.

This. This one small thing was all you wanted from them. Over everything else, you just wanted to see one of their faces, one time when you looked out to the crowd when you performed — but every single time, all you saw were strangers.

Every charity event, every gala, every party- that's all you were surrounded by, strangers. Even when you caught small glimpses of them, they were always doing something else, and completely off in a totally different world than your own. That distance along creating a large void-like gap between you and them, and yet it only ever continued to grow. Even when they stood next to you, it was like you couldn't be further apart.

The reality of everything was crushing. Near deadly as you could feel your chest and lungs tighten, with your fingers digging into the paper enough to tear it apart, and reaching your palms as they formed crescent moons, soon drawing blood. Yet nothing could compare to the weight of your heart, and how heavy it felt to carry in your chest.

As you finally moved on from the door, your mind raced. Memories and flashbacks filling your head as every word and notion flashed before your eyes. Barely even paying attention to where you were going, but not caring enough to pay attention.

Every dismissal and excuse thrown your way. Every head shake and blank look. Every confused look, and realization that you were standing there the entire time. Every birthday that passed with the same wish never being granted. Every celebration spent on your own. Every message left on read. Every note ignored. Every time you were forgotten. Every time you were left behind. Every time you brought yourself home, and every time they never noticed. Every night wasted, trying to come up with different things to do only for all of them to turn out fruitless. Everyday that 'maybe' never cones true. Every time you looked out to that sea of strangers, hoping to see someone you recognized, only to find none. Every hour you wasted trying to do something for them while they never once thought of you.

Maybe you'd cry if you could. Then again, maybe not.

You already had spent too many tears over failures you recovered and grew from, and hardships you faced and fought. You've already cried just a little too much during those night you just couldn't handle being so alone, in such a big place anymore. Besides, you've cried enough over people who've never once thought of you. Who never once tried to make time to even see one of your performances, or even allow you to spend a few minutes in their space.

You've given them enough, you think. Especially since after you spent years trying to just make it two thirds of the way — they couldn't even reach that one third of the gap you couldn't. They didn't even try, at least not anymore, and after you had tried to make it easy. Yet, you only hurt yourself in the end.

They never cared about you, and maybe they did once upon a time, but good does that do now when you're trying to go out of your way to make things convenient and easier for them, only for them to skip out on you anyway. No text, no call, no message, no indication, nothing. Just pure silence.

Maybe you were asking for too much, but was it really so bad to want to be loved? And by the people who are supposed to be your family no less?

Hah, who are you kidding at this point. You've just been living in a house full of strangers, and you're the only one who hasn't seen it yet. They've already long since cast you out, and it's only now have you come to truly realize it.

Especially now, as you stand in front of the foot of the door to the music room. Staring at the knob as if it'll turn itself.

You weren't surprised, honestly. Playing music had quickly become an amazing outlet for you, and you had always come here to seek out what little your family couldn't give you; comfort. So it was no wonder that as you collapsed mentally, you had subconsciously brought yourself here.

And yet, only one thought entered your head in that moment.

'They don't deserve to hear my music.'

Perhaps it was now that you decided they had lost the privilege to do so. After all, ever since you had started having performances, even ones in front of wealthy crowds, your 'family' had seemingly been avoiding them like the plague. Never daring to even attend one, for whatever reason, and sure you could understand why they didn't attend the ones you performed at night — but they couldn't use that excuse anymore. You have strictly been playing during the after noon, and at sunset at a push, for over three years now. You've been playing in front of crowds and releasing music for four.

So, you turned away, walking off to your room as your thoughts still stormed. Anger fueling you as you barely remembered storming into your room, collecting any valuables and belongings you had and stuffing them into a bag or two. Not caring about clothes, and only what you deemed important and meaningful to yourself as you just grabbed and shoved everything into a bag if you could.

You could clearly tell now that you obviously weren't wanted, and that no one here even wanted to do the smallest things with you. That even asking to just spend a few minutes with them was too much. So you were doing the only sensible thing, and getting the hell out of here. Moving so quickly that your breathing became uneven, but you didn't stop until you had packed everything you needed, or was important to you in some way.

You only really had a second thought about all this when you were at your window, just about ready to jump out until you paused for a second.

Looking back at the door to your room, you couldn't help but hesitate. There was only ever one person in this entire Manor who treated you like family, and actually put in effort to not only be with you, but to indulge themself in your passion. That met you at the half way mark, and even went a little over sometimes. Since even if everyone else had ignored you — Alfed was there, even if despite all of his efforts you still couldn’t handle this, and maybe that was also your own fault in some way.

You still didn't want to stay, you couldn't anymore, but shouldn't you at least say goodbye? Maybe? After everything... at least he tried.

...

You settled for second best.

Quickly, you grabbed a flashcard and wrote down something before pocketing it and moving back to the window. You may not have any equipment for this kind of thing, but you still managed to scale and work your way around the wall, and managed to reach the window to Alfred's room.

You took a little peak inside, and when you saw that he wasn't there, you opened up the window just a bit, place the small note on the windowsill, and closed it. Then, you skillfully and carefully made your way down, and snuck off to Gotham City. Making your way to a friend's place as you crashed there for the night.

Never once did you look back.

Nor did you ever feel inclined to.

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Later that night, when Alfred read the note, all it said was:

I'm sorry, Alfed. - Y/n

Just with that alone, it was like he understood everything despite the little that was said. All he could wish you was luck, and that you'd be safe wherever you went.

Suddenly, just like that. The nights where melodies would lull the residence of the Manor to sleep, and bring a temporary, mellow peace to all who heard such a tune, were long gone...

Guess they'll just have to find it, and bring it back.

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Kind of rushed at the end there, hope it isn't too bad for a first post. There's probably a lot of mistakes, so apologies for that.

#this was all written in one go #so that's fun #more angst than anything honestly #not really any yan but it is supposed to be for yan stuff #platonic yandere batfam #yandere batfam #yandere dc #yandere x gn reader #gn reader #platonic yandere #neglected reader #sibling reader #reader tries too hard and does their best but finds out it isn't enough #some things just aren't meant to be #but that doesn't mean they get to run around scott free either

[classywitchunknown]

Imagine this

platonic yandere batfam with daughter/sister reader who ran away to tokyo and joined the tokyo manji gang from tokyo revengers.

So what I'm thinking is the reader being ignored all her life by her father, adopted brothers, half brother, and basically the honoraly grandpa Alfred. So she takes as much money as she can, books a flight to tokyo, packs all her stuff, and leaves. When the reader gets to tokyo, she gets a job, buys an apartment, and signs up for online school. A few weeks go by, and she meets mikey (who she finds is adorable) and draken (who she sees is more of a brother than the ones she grew up with). Mikey falls in love with her as soon as he meets her and further in love when getting to know her. Draken sees her as a little sister and wants to protect her. They let her join tomon to protect her. When the reader meets the others, she gets more yanderes even from the other gangs (some platonic and some romantic). With Mistuya, he introduced the reader to his sisters, and she loves them and acts like a big sister to them. Luna and Mana love her, too. They see that their brother is in love with her, and i see them trying to set up dates to help their brother out (which would be adorable). About maybe 8 months later, the batfam noticed that she's gone and hadn't been around in a while. They go through her room and find some stuff she left behind, like events she was part of and text/voice mails they ignored(kinda like in Not tonight). They start to feel bad and become yanderes. They find a clue as to where she is.

Find her hanging out with draken, and they're having fun. When the reader accidentally calls draken her brother.

Yn: this is so fucking awesome you're the coolest brother ever.....🫢😳 sorry i-i didn't mean

Draken: it's OK. Honestly, I see you as a sister *que him messing up your hair a bit*

Yn: ☺️*hugs him*

Dick, Jason, Tim, and damian (especially damian) see this and get jealous. The batfam goes further into investigating and finds out you joined a gang.

Again, if any of you make a story of my thoughts, all I ask is for you to share it with me.

#imagine #platonic yandere batfam #yandere tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers x reader #platonic yandere #neglected reader #female reader #batfam x daughter/sister reader

[dearest-painter]

Oooo Yandere platonic Batfam x neglected and abused batsib reader with spider powers x Yandere platonic Miguel, Jess, Peter B and spider-society!?! Reader finally done with the abuse runs away and gets found by Miguel all beaten and bruised and takes them in and him and the others raise them? (Batsib is 12 at this point when Miguel takes them in). Years later Bruce, Dick, Jason, Tim and Damian find reader with Gwen, Miles and Hobie fighting an anomaly when things get out of hand and Reader calls Miguel, Jess and Peter B for back up!?! Oh the chaos!!

Yeah, they call Miguel dad when they become 14. Miguel is so happy to be called dad, Lyla is Titi Lyla, Jessica is Auntie Jess, and Peter B is Uncle Pet. When the batfam sees Spider-Bat!Reader(aka abused and neglected reader bc it helps sort my stuff) fighting with three other teenagers they feel so happy to see them…until Bruce hears “TITI LYLA! PLEASE GET DAD AND THE OTHERS! SHITS GOING SOUTH!” You..replaced him…Jason is happy you replaced him as your in a good happy family. He knows he doesn’t deserve your forgiveness as he didn’t help you but it’s good to see you happy.

Soon Miguel and Jessica and Peter B arrive, they help you all out. Once it’s done you see your family…bio family, you grabbed Miguel’s hand scared, your supposed to be tough but seeing your bio family scares you. Miguel saw your family and immediately hands you to Jessica so she can calm you down. Bruce and Miguel get into a screaming match, your Bio brothers are blocked by Gwen, Hobie, and Miles as they know all about your history with them. Only Alfred is allowed to see yoy. Bruce wants you back but Miguel is plotting to murder him.

#yandere #please don’t do this #obession #unhealthy #platonic yandere #yandere platonic #gn reader #x gn reader #yandere x gn reader #genderfluid enity answers! #gender neutral y/n #yandere x gender neutral reader #gender neutral reader #✉️mail arrived✉️ #Spider-Bat!Reader #yandere spider man across the spider verse #yandere spiderverse #yandere batfam #neglected reader

[onmyyan]

Okay so the idea one of the other asks had about a platonic to romantic relationship for neglected reader has me thinking again ( dangerous thing for 6 am I know)

For Bruce, the only way I see it working is if a neglected!reader isn’t their child at all. This requires a whole new concept to be introduced. Hear me out, a marriage of convenience. It makes investors happy to see the Wayne family having the added stability and reader attending events in Bruce’s stead let’s him do his work more efficiently. But even if it’s a loveless contract, the way they treat reader is cold- too cold. It’s like they’re a stranger in their own home, always out of the loop.

Reader may not have any Wayne family genetics to back up their intelligence but they’re no idiot. They know that there are secrets the whole bat family is keeping from them. And more importantly… with how often they roam the halls of the manor on their own they realize that it just doesn’t add up.

Rooms are simply too small for the length of the building and halls. Blueprints don’t match up when reader redecorates, Bruce just waving away their ask for permission and letting them do whatever- so long as they don’t touch his study. What does that mean? Only one thing.

Secret passages.

A neglected reader stumbling on the bat cave and realizing everything, but it doesn’t matter.

They didn’t sign up for this shit.

It was one thing being mistreated and avoided like the plague by every member of the bat family. To have peace making family meals be skipped over, for what reader now knows to be patrols and training. To have to take on not only the running of charity events in Bruce’s name, but deal with the snide remarks and comments of the nouveau riche about where their beloved fiancé might be. To have their name dragged through the mud by tabloids and reporters when Bruce’s escapes from events are seen as evidence of infidelity rather than him going to stop a bank robbery.

But to be sitting on top of a hidden fortress, or bat cave, of military grade weaponry and equipment? To be misused and left unaware by Bruce? Batman??? The guy who has more enemies apparently than Jason has bullets for his gun?

Yeah no, the money and stability isn’t worth it. It isn’t worth your life nor the dangers.

And damn, when Bruce realizes what he’s lost, it stings. More than he’d expect no doubt. He’s not naive enough to misread his own emotions, he knows he cares for his neglected fiancé or ex fiancé now… but how it came to be eludes him.

Maybe it’s because he’s a man of action rather than word. It makes him a piss poor father, many of the bat family seeing him more as a mentor than anything. So when he thinks back to how reader acted, playing their role as fiancé perfectly regardless of whatever impossible standard or task they had to complete. Wasting countless hours doing their best to be amiable with him at every turn just to shut out, the reality of it all was a bitter pill to swallow.

You tried with him, more than most have, more than most ever will. And look where that got you.

Your things all gone in a span of an afternoon, divorce papers or a waived contract and engagement ring left on his desk. Papers he can’t even remember signing, normally happy to sign and approve whatever budget you’d need just to get you out of his hair. And to think, not a soul knew where you were, not even Alfred.

Then he notices the alert from the bat cave

Security footage shows you wide eyed in the base, Bruce will probably remind himself as he suits up. It’ll be a liability for you to just run free he tries to say in his mind as his cape flutters in the night breeze.

He’s so used to working alone for so long that even now, with his expansive bat family, he still shoulders so many burdens alone- this one especially.

He did this, he needs to fix it. And he’ll start by finding you first and bringing you back home.

Let’s get it out of the way, assuming reader is part of the bat family by blood, Damian isn’t gonna be romantic in my mind. For the youngest Robin, it’s been a battle of wanting to fit in but also harshly rejecting those around him because the feeling of vulnerability is uncomfortable. He was raised by a ruthless assassin after all, as well as an admittedly less ruthless vigilante/hero. So it’s natural to reject a child of Bruce’s and write them off as annoying or scowl and curse at a fiancé reader trying to play nice with him. He didn’t need a half sibling or a mother. He already had a mother anyway. It’s only when either are gone that he realizes just how empty it is without their presence. The rest of the bat family had gotten used to their behavior and to some extent, so did the reader. The only difference is, reader kept trying to be nice while the rest shrugged off Damian’s abrasive personality and hardened heart as just a part of him. Like it would go away with enough patrols and training. Feeling colder than he’d like, all Damian wants to do is feel and see that warmth again, already out the door and taking to the streets to see if he can find them and make sure they still feel the same way once again.

Now… focusing more on a long lost neglected kid of Bruce’s-

Dick has a reputation for being the dependable one out of the bat family and it’s well earned. He works hard and sticks to his morals, but keeps it light and friendly when he can. Even out working in Bludhaven, he remains a contact for Damian and Barb to reach out whenever they need any help or advice.

A question for you though, just who do the dependable and the ones being leaned on depend on? Who do they lean on?

A younger Dick would have laughed and waved off such a question with a joke or witty comment. He was strong, capable, and in no need of saving he’d assure you.

But then reader leaves and it’s like the ground itself falls away beneath his feet.

Whether he can admit or not, he cares for the members of the bat family. Gotham may not be his home anymore, but he knows the people and streets. He cares for them, even from afar. Sure, the text he’d get from reader were mostly ignored and always left on read, but every once in a while when his worry would get too high or his mind would wander too far, he’d scroll through the logs, happy to see that everyone was okay.

But that subtle reassurance is gone. Even worse, Dick failed you. He failed the rest of the family too. They say hindsight is a bitch but for someone as empathetic and friendly as Dick it’s more like an oncoming train hitting him. He could have done so much to help the situation, called back, texted back. Hell, even a hallmark gift card could have been more preferable to the big wall between the two of you. It’s like his heart’s split in two, the hero running through flashes in his mind of when he and you were younger, every hesitant smile you gave, every face of discomfort on your features…

There’s so much he could have to prevented this. It’s like a mantra in Dick’s head on the way to Gotham, the dependable one of the bat family desperate to find the one he could lean on most once more.

Jason’s rift with Bruce is something that feels more like an endless chasm at times. One that you’ve tried to bridge over and over again with little success. Even if the intention was to see him, it’s almost laughable when it’s your disappearance that has the two working more together than they have in years.

He was definitely one of those who assumed your gifts of medicine and supplies at his doorstep were the work of Alfred, the vigilante never bothering to inquire otherwise until the day the whole truth spills out. And the truth has the man floored.

He’s not close with the others in the bat family as is, preferring to work alone with his own differing moral code than his mentor. It’s a rather insular and lonely path but one he’s happy to take. At least then he’ll get results, unlike Bruce. It’s when he comes back from a long, tough night of fighting to find not a single item or person at his doorstep that Jason truly feels the weight of reader being gone.

They’re a healing presence, one that makes- or made the rough road Jason is taking all the more bearable. Having reader gone just fuels a fire for them that Jason didn’t even know he had, a fire of love that has his resolve strengthening again.

Bruce could intent to take you back all he wants, but Jason Todd has never been the type to follow his vision. Instead he’s going to play along until you’re found. Then he’s going to carve his path to you, bloody or otherwise, and beg forgiveness he knows he doesn’t deserve. It’s not like he has much of a choice, the man’s hurt with an injury no ointment or medicine can heal. The only thing left that he could think of working, well, that’d be you.

Tim slid himself easily into the role of Robin. He chalks it up to his genius deductive abilities and spatial awareness. This makes it easy for Tim to look around a social situation and adapt, the same thing happening when he first enters the Wayne manor and sees how they treat the out of the loop reader.

Only a child would use the “everyone else did it card though”, and Tim isn’t a child anymore. He realizes what they did was fucked up and his mind is already racking for solutions the moment the guilt sets in.

He’s also no fool either. He can recognize the love in his heart like a cauldron of water, bubbling and on the verge of over flowing at the memories of your many acts of kindness. He also knows how much the others love you too. Some platonically, others romantically. Buts not about what they want or even what he wants, though it doesn’t take a super detective to figure that one out.

It’s about what you want, and with how kindly you treated everyone and how that kindness still lives in you, the answer is just as obvious to Tim, the cunning hero already weaving a wine web to ensnarl you in to take you back to your rightful place.

Home.

Barbs is surprisingly, or unsurprisingly, a stubborn one, you’d certainly have to be to survive what she’s been through. Though, it certainly didn’t help her relationship with you before you left since a persistent offense and stubborn defense rarely made for a good match with one another.

When she does realize her true feelings though, the hero is thankful for a chance at redemption. She’s already gotten her second lease on life and she was a fool if she’d ever let you slip through her fingers once more.

Stubbornness becomes less of a problem now that the hunt for you is on, traces of her days as Oracle coming back to light as Barbra takes every ounce of activity on the internet and processes it, combing through every search and text to see if she could find you.

While she turns Gotham into a temporary surveillance state, her sharp memory digs through what she could find in your room, desperately searching for where you could have thought of going.

She’ll find a solution to this, a perfect little bow to clean up this chapter in your relationship with her and have it pushed behind the two of you. That she’s certain of when she looks through social media for you.

After all, you’ve already lost to her stubbornness once, are you quite ready to do it again?

What a fantastic thing to wake up to fren!! This is so scrumptious,,,, I live omg...

Barbara low-key so scary I love it??? I feel like she'd be the one who finds you too, the very same stubbornness that pushed you away being the thing to pull you back in arms reach!!

Omg this got my brain wheels a'spinning and it be so fun if this reader just so happens to be childhood besties with one of Gotham's big bads, and they're the ones she goes to for comfort after the separation, while leaving the cold family was the best course of action, it still make you want to cry until you couldn't, (I'm specifically imagining the T.V. show Gotham's version of Oswald Cobblepot, I feel like he'd be such a good bestie like yeah he psychotic and quick to kill but if he likes you he a ride or die fr) plus I imagine you being close to anyone the family considers dangerous is just like throwing gasoline on a fire regarding their Yandere feelings, it would only drive them further off the deep end, even more desperate to have you back where you belonged

#yananswers #yandere batfamily #neglected reader #villain reader

[nottherealmarsh]

nothing is cooler than the neglected reader who slowly becomes the main villain.

#neglected reader #batfamily #angst #villain #I mean I wanna be badass in x reader fics #not my pathetic shy and introverted and fool and idiot self #batfam x reader #jason todd x reader #nightwing x reader #damian wayne x reader #meme

[bluetooththereptile]

Unwanted embrace

Neglected Bat-family member x yandere Bruce wayne

( English is not my first language so I apologize for any mistakes in the following text.)

Tw: mentions of past neglect

Closing your closet you sighed, ripping the justice leage mark away from your costume, you no longer needed that, it once was your dream to work there as hero, save lives and protect humanity, but now you just saw it as a useless badge that just made you remember things you wanted to bury deep down in your mind and never think about them again. You had told Superman that you were going to quit just an hour ago, and you didn’t wait for other members to even protest when he agreed about it and went to gather your things up.

Once becoming a hero was your dream, you worked so hard on your powers to reach the level that you could be considering worthy enough to join the league, you were one of the youngest members of it, you were only 18, no, today you would turn 19, as Alfred had reminded you by a call this morning you two had. He was shocked you had forgotten your own birthday, maybe you were to used to it getting forgotten that you had thought of it as an unimportant date and had forgotten it, well it was the day you were pulled out from the safe and sound womb of your mother, born to the world you no longer wanted to be a part of.

You picked your baggage up and flipped the mark in your hand as you walked out of the locker room, putting the badge in Barry’s hands you gave him a half smile which was filled witj bitterness “It was good to work with you!” Barry opened his mouth “But (Y/N) you had just joined six months ago! weren’t you the one that wanted to beat anyone in the younger league to find a place here?” You just shrugged “I have lost interest…” you simply said ignoring Diana nag about you being selfish and leaving when you were needed the most, you waved them good bye and walked out of the justice hall, the dark rainy evening doing nothing good to your mood.

You took your mask off and took in a deep breath as your head lowered, now that you were old enough to leave home, you had so many plans to catch and it was rather overwhelming. You uncle had opened his home’s door for you, suggesting that you could stay with him for a while, till you could find the job you wanted the most, you had the money after all, years of trying to be independent were paying themselves off. You searched your bag for your car’s key, cursing under your breath as lightning hit the sky, which meant more rain.

The lightning brightened your surroundings for a second, giving you the ability to see a tall shadow that was looming over you. You made yourself busy, ignoring the black knight standing behind you “(Y/N)” hearing your name from him made goosebumps appear on your skin, when was the last time he had called you by your name? You turned around, to see him standing there, staring at you, finally, giving you his full attention “What do you want batman?” you said, now taking a step back, clenching the bag in your hand.

“I’ve heard you quit your place…why?” you couldn’t help but scoff at that, he was “the world’s best detective” he didn’t know the reason? “What do you think?” you said, arching your brow, but when you were met with silence you sighed, palming your face “Why I am wasting my time talking to you?” you asked yourself, hair now damp with rain “Because I am your father and I know how much hard you worked to get here” he said, face still emotionless but his voice held some hints of…desperation? You scoffed louder at that “My father…” you mumbled to yourself “How dare you call yourself my father?” you asked, fingers curling up into a fist “If it wasn’t for me leaving the manor you wouldn’t be reminded that I even existed there as a "family member” you mocked “Cut this crap…I have to be somewhere soon…” you said turning away.

“Look (Y/N) I understand-” you turned to face him again shouting “It’s (Y/H/N) to you batman! i am no longer your child! When was the last time you wanted to talk to me like this? wasn’t it my first day of school? how can you understand this? yes you lost your parents when you were a child but I did mine too! my mother that you never even care to hide your hatred for her died at giving birth to me and you were to disgusted by your own child that you hardly coped with me being there, isn’t it the truth hmm?” you said now walking toward him “You were never there batman… I didn’t have a father, I just had sire that paid for my life, when was the last time you asked me what I needed then your money? Oh right you were busy with tending to your growing family!” you pushed him on the chest not so gently, staring at him, eyes full of hatred as tears made them glossy “Do you even know how old I am?” you said now voice sad, yet firm.

Bruce looked at you without saying anything, he didn’t have anything to say, you were the result of his darkest days, when your mother had manipulated him and had given birth to you, but she was not lucky to live longer and enjoy his wealth, he wanted to forget her, forget everything that belonged to that time, including you…his own child. He turned his head away from you not coping to look at you in the eyes anymore. You scoffed bitterly “That’s what I expected from you, now go! your family must be missing you, isn’t your "baby” alone?“ you spat into his face, remembering how he had not let his other child, that was at Damian’s age, to become a hero like you did. To tell the truth you had joined to prove yourself to him, the man that had ignored your gifts that you would make by your own hands for father’s day, Alfred was the one that took them happily, complimenting about it even if it was nothing special, your little heart was broken but you had seen him take care of other members of the family and you wanted that love too, but he didn’t even care to spare you a glance.

You were a mistake, as he had told Alfred years ago, he wanted you gone. That was why you were both angry and confused right now, why he was there? "listen (Y/N)…let’s go home and talk about this properly alright?” He said trying to reach for your hand which you moved away quickly “For what? you want to lock me up there too?” you had seen what he did to his “baby” the poor child was spoiled rotten with his attention but he didn’t let her go for a mere second “though I’m sure you just want to make an excuse to say "I did what I could they left on their own!” I’m not a child anymore batman…and for the second time if you call me by my name again I’ll punch you in the face! that name is what my mother chose for me, you can not use that…you are not worthy of it!“

Bruce looked at you as your words sunk inside his mind, adding fuel to the storm that was making the guilt in his chest even more heavy. How you had become such a wonderful creature? powerful, independent…all on your own? and he didn’t have any part at any of it. The moment Alfred had informed him that you had left the manor the covers that he had put on the dark parts of his mind were pulled away, revealing you, his first child, whom had even changed their last name from "Wayne” to your mother’s not wanting to have anything to do with him. He wanted to fix that part of his life, he wanted to start it with you, but it seemed it was to late…no, it was not, you were his child, and he would be damned if he ever disappoint you again, you were family, and he was going to shove it in your mind if he could to make you understand.

He took your arm and held it gently but his grip was firm “We can talk about this later…you’ll catch a cold like this!” You were dumbfounded by what he had said for a second, good so he still had the surprise tactic against you, but it didn’t last long as the confusion gave place to anger and you pulled your arm out of his grip “It’s none of your business!” you hissed and walked away, looking for your car. You thought it was the last time you were meeting him, but you would be proven wrong…oh so wrong “My child…” he told himself as he watched you walk away “My baby…”

#yandere batfamily #yandere batman #yandere #yandere x reader #dc #dc comics #batman #neglected reader #yandere damain wayne #yandere robin #yandere alfred pennyworth #yandere tim drake #yandere jason todd #yandere red hood #yandere red robin #yandere nightwing #yandere dick grayson #yandere Barbara gordon #yandere batfam #yandere dc #yandere Stephanie brown #yandre Cassandra cain #yandere spoiler #yandere bat girl

[sugarbell]

Batfam X Neglected! Batsis! Reader

Part 1

Today had started out like any other day. You had woken up, gotten ready, and gone to school. You were little more than a phantom in the school halls, hell you were little more than a phantom in your own home.

You weren’t complaining. Your life was considerably better than lots of other people in Gotham City, but what is a life without love? You had love in your life once upon a time, or so you’ve heard. Your mother was a beautiful, kind woman who girl-bossed through her whole life, and ran her own business company that sold many products for women. Mostly beauty products and clothes.

You had always heard how incredible your mother was. She was capable, independent, fiery, bold, but caring and compassionate. Or at least that’s what you had always heard, but you had no reason to doubt any of it. She was always committing some lovely charitable act. She had always been your hero even though you never had the chance to make any memories that you could remember with her. You had seen her in pictures and she was absolutely beautiful. So were you. Your father was also a very handsome man, which only added to your beauty. You were a mix of white and Japanese.

Your father was a lawyer, and you had also heard that he was a very intelligent and smart man, but he was a total goofball. The way people made your parents sound made you wish you had the chance to know them. On some nights where you lied in bed awake you would cry and wonder why the world had to be so cruel. Why couldn’t you have a chance to know your parents instead of being forced into a “home” where you were shown no love, affection, or care?

But then you would remember that you weren’t there only one who had it rough. Matter of fact, many people had it way, way worse than you did. So you would smile and thank God that you had a roof over your head, clothes to wear, and food to eat.

Although the problem never really was with material things.

Your mother and father had been apparent close friends with multi-billionaire playboy, and Gotham’s most eligible bachelor, Bruce Wayne. He was a trusted friend of theirs and they had written it down in their will that should anything ever happen to them, you were to be immediately placed under the care of their good friend Bruce Wayne. And when their car drove off a bridge on date night, you were orphaned. The letter with their will in it had gotten lost for quite some time until it turned up years later, by the time you were already ten years old. You had been in an orphanage all that time until the letter was found, and it was revealed that you were to be placed under the care of Bruce. Of course, Bruce accepted you graciously with open arms.

To the public of course. He had already had seven kids of his own, not that he minded another one, or meant to neglect you, it’s just that he never really seemed to have the time for you. Honestly nobody ever did.

You had been so excited to leave the gross, cold orphanage. You had seen Bruce Wayne on television and he seemed so nice and cool! But that was far from the truth. You envied his relationship with the other kids. You envied their relationship with each other.

Dick, he never meant to ignore you. It’s just…you were so ordinary. He hadn’t truly meant to brush you off but…he did. He was just so aloof and distant. He never tried making a relationship or a borderline connection with you, and you couldn’t say you hadn’t tried, but his detachment to nobody else but you made it increasingly hard. Like no matter how hard you tried he just couldn’t be interested in you in the slightest.

Jason, wasn’t necessarily outright harsh to you, however he didn’t bother trying to hide his disinterest in you. Whenever you spoke to him, he would only respond with grunts or groans, and when he did speak actual words to you, he sounded like it bothered him so much, so you had given up shortly after.

Tim was always too drained or tired to even bother with you. It was always tired hums whenever you tried speaking with him and so you gave up trying with him eventually too. He never really was rude, but he definitely couldn’t care less about you.

Damian definitely hates your guts, you were sure. Anytime you entered a room, he would scoff or “tt,” which made you self-conscious each time. You were older than him but it still hurt. You had tried giving him time to possibly warm up to you, he’ll you had tried it with everyone, but it never really happened. He despised you, and in turn you tried to stay as far away from him as possible.

Barbara, you never really spoke much to. She was always either preoccupied with something, or you just felt like she was so unapproachable. She was so beautiful and she seemed so kind and outgoing that you just felt like you weren’t in her league.

Stephanie seemed so light, and bubbly and kind, and in the beginning, you truly thought her and you would be fast friends, but when you heard her talking with Damian once behind closed doors about how they truly wished you had never joined the family…well you knew your assumptions about her were wrong.

Cass didn’t need words to build an unbreakable bond and an envious relationship with everyone else, so why not you? You had tried reaching out as well, but she was a little worse than Dick in the way where she was aloof, and would sometimes, more times than others just show her annoyance or unconcerned feelings towards you.

And then there was Bruce…he was supposed to act as your godfather…maybe even someone you could call ‘Dad’ just as many of the other kids did, but that never happened. Bruce was cold and harsh towards you. It was obvious he didn’t care about you. You had tried being the perfect golden child-getting straight A’s, excelling in all classes, helping out tremendously around the house to the point where you might even put the sweet, old Alfred out of business, been the sweetest, and the most patient with everyone, but it never seemed to work. Nobody noticed a thing except Alfred. Oh, he was so sweet and kind, and caring and compassionate towards you. And he never looked at you with pity. You hated the look of pity. One you had grown up with your whole entire life. He felt for you, and would always sneak you sweets and other treats during the days. Not that he has to sneak them to you…everybody else couldn’t give a damn what you decided to do. And you never wanted to feel like you were bothering anyone. So you took care of pretty much everything yourself.

Bruce took care of everything financially that you would need. You had plenty of clothes to wear, and many other material things that you needed, but never the one thing you truly needed. The one thing you truly craved… love.

You had a lovely room in the manor, but you always felt so cold and alone in it. A large bed with plush covers and duvets in Wayne Manor, but it was no help with sating the numb, empty, cold feeling inside your heart. The chill in your bones that you could never seem to get to leave. Not even on the hottest day in July.

You had lived in Wayne Manor for seven years of your life. You were seventeen now, and your birthday was coming soon. You had thought countless times of moving out when you turned eighteen, but you knew that you wouldn’t bring yourself to be able to do it. Even if your siblings and father, your “family” didn’t love and care about you, you still loved and cared for them deeply. Leaving them would only serve in hurting you more. Maybe that was what you needed though, time away girl them to realize that you truly didn’t need anybody who didn’t care about you or love you for you. Then you could rise from the ashes of the weaker person you used to be and into a new more ethereal creature who was stronger from the flames of her weakness and pain melting away, like a beautiful phoenix.

But you didn’t fancy the notion of lying to yourself. You knew that wouldn’t happen because you had too much love for them. Besides, you had never thought yourself a phoenix anyway. You honestly weren’t sure what you were yet. Maybe that journey of self discovery would do you a world of good. You figured yourself something of a solitary creature. But one that could thrive in an environment with others, however you were perfectly fine surviving on your own. You’d make do like you had all these years of being practically alone. You were fine, or were you? You thought yourself a fledgling bird…one that simply wasn’t ready to spread its wings and soar just yet. Maybe one day it would, and maybe it never would.

You knew of your family’s secret double lives. Vigilantes that roamed Gotham City at night protecting the people of Gotham from danger. Just one more reason why you felt like you never compare to any of them. They were all so unique and incredible in their own way, hell, they were superheroes at nighttime! And you…you were just ordinary girl that was thrust into their routine, and you were sure in their eyes, a punishment of some sort. Only there to ruin their lives, which you seemed to be successfully doing for each of them, no matter how hard you tried. It didn’t help that almost all of them, whether intentionally or not acted like they were better than you as well. And, you had started to think, especially recently, maybe they were right.

Anyways, you were less than an afterthought for all of them. And it would probably stay that way for the majority, if not all of your lives. And you had grown used to it. Didn’t mean you didn’t care, or that you didn’t wish it would change, because of course you did. The hopeful little girl inside you still hoping that all of her siblings and her father would have a change of heart and they could be the perfect family, although the realist older girl that was you now knew that it wouldn’t work out like that. Not without a miracle, and none of those seemed to ever happen in your life. You had just simply accepted it. Instead you stuck to your art. Your favorite pastime and escape from the world. You used lots of different mediums, you drew, painted, and did digital art. Not that anybody noticed, except Alfred of course, bless his kind soul.

You had hoped to get into a lovely art school in Gotham after graduating high school. After all, your mothers industry was waiting for you to turn eighteen and finish school when you could take over. You had tons of money. Fuck-you money, and then tons more. From both your mothers business and savings from your father. There was tons of money, houses, estates, for you to take over. The entire business was on hold right now, but the second you were read to claim it after school, it would be there waiting for you.

You hummed quietly along to the music playing through the red wireless headphones atop your head as you delicately stroked your paintbrush across the canvas attached to your easel by the large desk in your room. You sat on a little stool in front of it by your little window seat in your room. You paused your music.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

You slowly got up, wrapping your beige paint covered throw cardigan tighter against your pajama clad body. Your bare feet carried you to the door as you set your headphones down on your dresser. You opened the door slowly to see Alfred at your door with a tray of sandwiches, crackers, and tea. “Ahem. Young Madame Lana, I noticed you have been locked up inside your quarters for the majority of the day without anything to eat, and I figured you might want to have a meal.”

A soft smile graces your soft features. Your slender doe eyes crinkled just a little at the corners as your naturally plump red lips pulled into a soft smile. You reached out and grabbed the tray from Alfred and set it on your dresser, because your desk was mostly used as your art desk and was covered in art materials. You launched yourself onto Alfred. It meant so much to you. No matter how many times you shut yourself in your room doing art, he would always come to make sure you had eaten something. Alfred was the only person in the world who currently have a damn about you and it made your heart swell that at least one person cared for you. “Thank you, Alfred. Very much.”

Alfred gave you a smile and a slight bow before leaving and shutting the door. You smiled to yourself as you went to the bathroom inside your room to wash your hands of the paint before coming out to eat your sandwich. You ate the sandwich and then looked at the clock.

4:30 p.m.

You decided to get dressed in real clothes to go out for a bit. You pulled on a pair of jeans, a sweatshirt, sneakers and grabbed your headphones, phone and keys before slipping out of your room. It was early Spring, the kind of time where it’s warm, but not enough for most people. You tried to be as quiet as possible as you left your room. You went down the stairs and you had hoped you wouldn’t run into any of your so-called siblings, but you were out of luck apparently. You seemed to be always out of luck.

Stephanie, Tim, and Damian were sitting at the kitchen table. Damian was reading a book that he looked up from to see you in mid-motion, walking towards the door. He scoffed and went back to reading his book. Tim was hovering over Steph’s shoulder as she held her iPad in her hands and he was giving her instructions on something or the other. Neither of them acknowledged you. You didn’t think much about it and left the house. You were used to it.

The thing about you was you were so caring, so compassionate, sweet, kind, loving, and incredibly selfless. You were so good and pure. People who knew your mother would tell you you were just like her. Bruce had eight kids now. One of them was bound to be a little less favored than the others, right? And honestly if you had the chance, you would take it all over again. The pain, the emptiness, the loneliness, the numbness, the feeling of knowing that you’re so much less than all those around you. You wouldn’t wish it on anybody else. You would rather it be you than any of your other siblings, and that was what made you such a beautiful person. It was a shame that you were all alone, and had nobody to realize all the beautiful flowers inside of you.

Tears fell down your cheeks as you replayed the harsh words your younger brother had said to you nothing short of an hour ago.

“You had been descending the stairs, excited for new art supplies that would be arriving today. You had sped towards the door and knocked into Damian by mistake, making him spill his tea onto your arm but mostly on the floor. He was furious. It wasn’t even your fault. He had been walking incredibly slow, and made no effort to move when he saw you descending the stairs first. He was so princely sometimes, such a brat. Like he expected you to move first before him because he rules over you or something. He wasn’t even the one who ended up getting burned and having to clean up the mess anyways. Thank God it send the lay bad and it would clean up easily, and the burn wouldn’t hurt too badly if you kept an ice pack against it. Your skin was still intact. He showed no concern for your safety. He was just irritated that his drink had been spilled. “You’re nothing! Don’t you realize that? It’s why none of us ever bat an eye in your direction. Because we don’t care about you. At least do something useful and make yourself as scarce as possible so none of us have to deal with seeing your disgrace of a face. Sorry excuse for a person.” You had tried not to cry in front of him but it was near impossible as he spouted the words in your face. He brushed his shoulder ag isn’t yours as he walked up the stairs, scoffing at your tears. “Pathetic.”

You had spent most of your evening crying. The thing was, you knew every word was true. He was right. Nobody cares about you, or what happened for you. You were nothing more than a burden in this house. Nothing more than a nuisance to everyone else. After a while your tears were replaced with anger. How as any of this your fault? Did you ask to live with Bruce Wayne? Did you ask for your parents to die? Did you ask to be adopted into this family and become related to any of them? Did you even ask to be born? No. The answer to everything was no.

You were becoming increasingly tired of every domes high and might act, like they were so much better than you. You were tired of it. So tired of giving more than you ever received, if that was ever anything. Your hard work, your blood, sweat, and tears were all worth nothing in their eyes and that was fine. Because you were tired of trying to please them. Your days of tip-towing around the manor were over. Of holding your tongue in the face of the blatant disrespect from all of them.

You were done. You had enough. You were tired of being lonely, empty, cold. You wanted to feel…feel…something. You wanted to feel like you belonged.

Harry Osborn was throwing a charity event at his own manor, and he had personally invited you. And hell if you weren’t gonna show up. This wasn’t the kind of event that Bruce would show up at-scratch that, it was, but Bruce wouldn’t be making an appearance this time. It was really more of a lowkey thing, not necessarily for huge, huge names like Bruce Wayne’s. And while the Osborn name was large in itself. It wasn’t a very large event. A cocktail event really, under the guise of raising money for orphaned children, but really it’s just an excuse for blue-bloods to get together at a down low event and drink cocktails and eat shrimp and caviar.

And while you originally thought him a snotty, stuck-up, blue blood kid that tossed his money around, with not much more to his personality. But then you met him on the sidewalk while you were on a run as he was getting out of his limo. You were on the sidewalk trying to get to a little cafe that was just around the corner, but you had to pass OsCorp to do it.

You had passed OsCorp many times on your way to the cafe, but never had you run into him. It was your fault, you had your headphones on, and you weren’t necessarily paying attention to your surroundings. He has accidentally hit you with the door of his limo as he was stepping out. You let out a strangled little whine and pulled your headphones around your neck and looked around for the cause of pain in your side.

You watched him step out fully and shut the door before turning to walk over to you. “Holy shit, man, you good? Shit, sorry…” but he seemed to trail off for whatever reason you weren’t sure about. He paused in his steps, and his eyes trailed over you and your face before he seemingly came out of his trance. You couldn’t know that it was because at first he had assumed you were a guy, and the second he laid eyes on you he thought you were the most beautiful person he had ever seen. But he had seen you before…where had he seen you before? Oh shit, that’s right. You were Lana Lang, the adoptive daughter of Bruce Wayne. Of course you had been on the news, and in papers, and God, he was such an idiot. How could he not recognize you, and hit you with his fucking car door?

“Mr. Osborn, is everything alright?” A voice wrestled him from his thoughts. He turned back to the limousine driver, and had to do a double take as he realized that he was standing next to him. Has he really been in his thoughts that long? Well, that was a problem. “Yeah, Bernard I’m fine. You can actually go ahead without me.” The older man gave Harry a confused look. “Sir?” He asked again, just to be sure. Harry sighed a little bit patted Bernard’s arm to assure him. “Yeah, I got it Bernard. I’m fine, go ahead, I’ll be in shortly.” Bernard gave a swift nod, and a polite smile to you before walking inside OsCorp.

Harry gave you a shit-eating grin…possible flirtatious? “Hey, I’m really sorry. You alright?” You were still getting over the shock of one, being hit by a car door, two, talking to Harry Osborn, and he hit you with his car door, and three, just how fast he switched up his personality. It was giving you whiplash and a headache. “Y-y-yes, I’m alright.” You mumbled softly. You also couldn’t help but notice just how handsome he was. Of course you had seen him on tv, and in papers, and you had thought he was handsome from there, but never really thought too much about him. But the more you because aware of his striking green eyes, the side swept, incredibly soft looking blonde hair, and the pinkest lips you had ever seen on a boy. It became increasingly harder to look him in the eyes the more aware you became of his prettiness.

A smirk spread across his rose lips, making the tiniest of dipped appear, but just for a second. “Well if you’re sure. It’s…Lana, right?” He asks like he didn’t know. You were pretty sure he did. “Yes. Lana.” You said with a shy smile as you averted your gaze again. “Hey, you don’t have to be so shy. I don’t bite..” he said, and his smile was genuine, but something like mischievous fire danced in his eyes and it made you think that he did. “Oh, yeah right, sorry.” You mumbled, and you wanted nothing more than to turn heel and run away from this incredibly awkward conversation, at lest on your end. Harry seemed like he was having fun. But you didn’t do that. Instead you straightened a little, wincing at the pain in your side before forcing yourself to meet his gaze. He stared you down, and it made you feel like he could see right through you. But for the most part, you were just as much a mystery to him as he was to you.

“I’m hosting a charity event at my house, next week. It’s to raise money for orphaned children.” You narrowed your eyes a little bit. If it was anyone else you would consider that a little rude, but Harry Osborn was an orphan himself. His mother died early in his life from late stage cancer, and his father passed away only some months ago due to a degenerative disease that had been eating at him for years. Harry himself had the disease, but he was the only person alive to be able to beat it. Harry never really seemed to upset about his fathers death, and you suspected it was because they didn’t really have a great relationship. Well that’s two things you guys had in common.

“Um…that’s nice… I, uh, hope it goes well.” You smiled awkwardly and adjusted the headphones around your neck. You hadn’t really had time to pause the music so it was still playing through them until you clicked the off button. Harry’s grin stretched even more and it unsettled you just a bit, but the way he was so easy on the eyes was enough to somehow put you at ease, and make you nervous at the same time. “Arrival of the Birds. Love that song. I wouldn’t call myself a classical fan in general, I mean my father was imperative that I learn the piano, but it wasn’t necessarily my favorite genre. But that one…my mother taught that to me when I was eight.” Harry seemed tragic to you. And you figured he was a little obnoxious from the way he just bursted into commentary about himself, and leaned against his sleek black limo. His green eyes trailed over you again before he looked up. The sky was a little cloudy but it was blue and bright. He seemed to be reminiscing about something. This boy…he confused and drained you. But he interested you.

“I would like to invite you to my fundraiser.” He spoke suddenly after a few moments of quietness. You frowned a little, and narrowed your eyes. “You want me…to come to your fundraiser next week? Uh, why?” Your earlier nervousness was mostly gone, and now you were just downright confused. “Well, you’re an orphan, aren’t you?” You couldn’t help the shocked gasp that tore from your throat. “Yes, but what does any of that have to do with—“With someone like you, you and I could really help out, ya know? Put a dent in things like this. Besides,…” he got up from off the car and walked to the front entrance of OsCorp and you could see just how crowded and busy it was in there. He just left you there, like he expected you to follow after him. What an obnoxious, arrogant, stuck-up, annoyingly attractive boy. You hated how he was right in assuming, no, maybe knowing, that you would follow after him, because you did.

You had to jog a little to catch up with him when you decided to just let him win this one. You both stood at the entrance, you with your hands on your hips and a raised eyebrow. He chuckled lowly at your expression and posture, and the sound made your knees weak. “Sorry, sorry.” You glared up at him. He wasn’t by any means a really tall person, in fact he was either average or a little under, but you were definitely way under average height. He thought you were so adorable, and you reminded him so much of a cat. You could be perfectly polite and docile like earlier, but when provoked you were sharp and fiery. He liked that. A lot. “Easy, kitten. What I was going to say was…you intrigue me. I’d really like for you to be there. If you decide to come, something will be sent to the house for you. Think of it as also a way for me to make up for hitting you with my car door. Anyway, I’ve got to go. But I’ll see you around hopefully.” And he left just like that, leaving you riddled with questions, your face hot and red, and your side bruised. Kitten? It made your cheeks pink just thinking about it.

You decided to forgo the cafe today. It was already a little late, you having spent most of the day in your room. Not that anybody would really care, but you were tired. Mentally and physically exhausted just from hardly interacting with him for more than ten minutes.

You truly hadn’t really planned on going, but a day later, with the debacle regarding Damian in the kitchen…his words striking a bell and making you realize that nobody was going to notice you on their own. Well you decided to take matters into your own hands. You wanted to prove yourself to your family, and you were tired of being seen as less. Insignificant. A nobody in your own home.

What exactly were you planning to accomplish by attending this event? You had no idea. What were you going to do while attending this event? You had no idea. But somehow it felt…liberating. You had been to plenty of these things before. Bruce dragging all of you along to charity events, balls, galas and many more, but going to one of your choice on your own, and using your own personal savings (which was a lot as it was.) to help raise money for other orphans felt…like you were actually making a difference in Gotham…or at least that’s how you hoped it would feel. But you had never been personally invited to one by Harry Osborn. Honestly you were a little curious as to why he would choose to solely invite you upon meeting for ten minutes on the sidewalk, but you had a feeling your questions were going to be answered there. You wanted people, the press, whoever, to recognize you as Lana Lang, adoptive daughter of Bruce Wayne. It would help your reach and help you succeed in making a difference. You might not have been a vigilante(yet)but you could still help out where you could until that time would come.

Part of you was hoping that your father and siblings would realize how wrong they were about you, and would graciously offer to train you and take you under their wing, and you would become the newest addition to the Batfamily. -That’s what you had taken to calling them over the years,- but that didn’t happen. Ever. It was a foolish and naive fantasy, you had come to realize. So now it was time to take matters into your own hands. You were going to show up there, raise tremendous amounts of money for orphaned children like you years ago, who need help. You were going to work on your vigilante persona later on, and you were going to prove yourself to your family. And you would make Damian eat his words and admit that he was wrong about you. You would make your entire family admit that they were wrong about you.

#batfam #dc #batfam x reader #named reader #bruce wayne #dick grayson #jason todd #tim drake #barbara gordon #cass cain #stephanie brown #x reader #damian wayne #robin dc #batman #batgirl #spoiler dc #superheroes #villains #neglected reader #orphaned reader #red hood #Red Robin #orphan dc

[reveseke]

Safe

PT. Safe. PT end

– Request? No.

– BNHA; Iida Tenya x Masc!reader

– Warnings? None really.

– Note; 2nd pov, you/your used for R. Also no quirk specified for reader, you could actually say past neglected! Reader for this one, but idk lol interpret it as you want. This can be read as romantic or platonic, I had to make something different before I burn myself out completely on the three main fandoms I've been writing for now.

The thing about Iida is that he's patient and he's good at adapting to his surroundings and the people he is with. even if it feels a bit if a stretch sometimes as he takes his duty as the class president seriously.

But he was quite observant and took notice of your body language when he noticed you flinch the first time around him. Usually Iida's quite straight forward and would ask you about it, but he took more to observing how you were with others instead, to ensure that he wasn't the problem.

It was quite easy to say with constant blabbering around and especially Bakugo that it wasn't he you seemed to be scared of solely. Not that you really were scared of him, just a reflex you developed and couldn't drop anymore.

When he came to the conclusion of you being this with everyone who seemed energetic enough or loud he tried to manage himself around you more.

Whether you took notice or not; limiting his use of hands in conversations around you, trying to talk more softly from the usual brash and loud get your attention or there will be consequences of a voice, and trying to appear non-threatening as possible to you.

When it came to your other classmates most likely some would have noticed his behavior. If asked about it he would just make the excuse of making everyone feel safe.

It wasn't really his end game, but some of the other classmates did notice how you were as well.

#🔮.headcanon #iida tenya x reader #iida tenya x male reader #iida tenya x masc reader #bnha x reader #bnha x masc reader #bnha x male reader #mha x male reader #mha x masc reader #mha x reader #mha #bnha #neglected reader #masc reader #gn reader #trans reader #transmasc reader #ftm reader #iida tenya #tenya iida x reader #tenya iida #mha blurb

[spnexploration]

Brian Bilson got me good...

#brian bilston #neglected books #neglected reader #tbr pile #are you still a reader if you barely ever read? #poetry

[toxicanonymity]

Hunger.

7k, raider!Joel x f!reader

Raider master list ⭐ Joel master

raider playlist 🖤sweet pea (smutty)

SUMMARY: Joel takes you on an eventful trek. You have a bit of a meltdown and he comforts you in a way he hadn't before. He kills a guy. And later, Joel finally goes down on you because he craves you and can't physically resist. WARNINGS: I8+ oral f receiving 🎉, unsafe P in V, creampie, jacking off, brief violence (og raider typical?), hurt/comfort, neglected animal (he's ok), angst, dark fluff, emotional tension, POV changes. A/N: 1/3 smut. Can read alone - Joel has been resisting the urge to kiss you. Carter is Joel's right-hand man. Jack was your bf Joel killed. Happy 6 months to the 1st raider Joel fic, have some oral.

—You 🌸🫛—

You're reading in a clover patch at one end of the trailer while Joel chops wood. Two of his men come up the hill, and Joel tells you to stay put while he talks to them. Even when Joel addresses you, they don't look in your direction. They stay in the doorway of the trailer. You put your book face down and start looking at the clovers while you try to eavesdrop.  You can't hear what they're saying, but it sounds like someone might have tampered with one of the vans. You brush your hand through the leaves, and one catches your eye. Without plucking it, you gently separate it from the others to make sure it's not an illusion. There really are four leaves. You smile and get down on your stomach to look at it. You think about leaving it so it can grow more. That's what you did when you found one earlier in the week, but you pluck this one.

The men go back down the hill, and Joel goes inside for a moment before emerging again. You're laying the clover leaves flat between the pages of your book when Joel calls you inside. Then he leans against the trailer with an arm above his head, the side of his wrist resting near the top of the door frame as he waits for you.  He's wearing a body holster now. "C'mon, let's go," he shouts so you can hear him. 

"Ok," you call. 

You just want to finish pressing the clover into the page, but he rushes you: "Now." 

"What for," you ask.

"Cause I said." He disappears inside, and his back looks so broad, framed by the holster straps. 

You come in and pout in the window nook with your book closed, waiting for him to explain. There's a belt on the kitchen table.  Joel emerges from the bedroom and tells you he's going down the hill to help fix the van, and you're coming.  

“you good in that?” he asks, looking at your spaghetti strap dress. You nod. You like the dresses he gave you, and it’s still warm enough, you think.  He confirms, “Sure ya won’t be cold?” and you nod. He seems glad. 

He approaches the kitchen table holding something strappy and leather. He pulls out a chair and faces you in the window nook. 

"C'mere," he says. "Gonna carry your gun today." 

"Oh," you put down the book. Sounds exciting. Sounds like he trusts you. "Yeah, sure," you try to play it cool. He takes your knees and swings your legs toward him. 

"Gonna see if this piece'a shit's worth anything. If not, ya wear mine okay?" He thumbs the shoulder strap of his holster. 

You frown and mutter, "I like when you wear it," eyeing the muscles straining his white shirt.  He suppresses a smile, but you see it in his eyes. 

"Gimme your leg," he commands. You give him your leg on your shooting side. You watch his face. He has a toothpick behind his ear.  He bends your knee and puts your foot on his thigh. He lets the skirt of your dress fall all the way down your raised leg, exposing your panties. His eyes linger there, and he draws in a slow breath as he unbuckles the strap of the holster. He wraps the strap around your thigh and mutters, "good."  He slides the strap into the buckle, then tightens it. "Too tight?" He asks. 

"No."

He fastens the buckle on your inner thigh, and his massive hands map your thigh, checking the fit. You flinch in pleasure as his fingers graze the edge of your panties.

There's a long ribbon dangling from the other end of the holster where another strap should be. He laces it through two hand made grommets on each side. There are two more empty holes on the top of each side. 

"Here," you offer and take both ends of the ribbon from him. You tie it in a bow on the outside of your thigh. 

"That gonna hold?" He asks. 

You shrug. "Feels ok, what do you think?"

He's not listening. His eyes have returned between your legs. You spread them a little more, and innocently widen your eyes. He wets his lips, and his gaze remains for another inhale, then he pries his eyes away, sticks the toothpick in his mouth, and lets your foot down.  You stand up and he hands you your gun, then adjusts himself, quickly cupping his crotch through his pants as you slide the gun into the holster. 

"Walk," he mumbles. 

You walk the length of the kitchen. 

It's a weird sensation, having one of your legs burdened by a weight while the other one is free. But aside from that, it's fine. 

"Alright?" He asks.

"Yeah." 

He nods, "Good. C'mere."  You stand right in front of him, between his knees. "Hold your dress up for me."

You hold it up over the holster. 

"Higher. Belly button." 

He grabs the belt from the table and when he picks it up, ribbons are dangling from its holes. The ribbons have their ends burned and melted like a shoelace for threading.  He fastens the belt securely around your bare middle, then threads the loose ribbons through the empty grommets on the top of the holster and secures them. 

He turns you to the side, tugs at the ribbon, and mutters, "good." Then he can't help but grab a handful of ass, and your bottom lip creeps under your teeth.

As he turns you to face him again, he takes the toothpick out of his mouth and gives you a serious look. "Comin' with me today, sweet pea. Ya do what I say, understand?"

You nod.

"I say get outta here, ya run. I say stay put, ya don't fuckin' move." 

"Got it."

—-

He puts the toothpick behind his ear and picks up a few pieces of jerky off the counter as he stands up. He hands you a piece. 

You take a bite and chew it as you walk down the hill. You watch his jaw flex when he chews.  You tell him, "This one's good."

"Cause Carter made it," Joel notes.  You cringe at yourself,but he doesn't seem offended. "Turkey," he adds. 

Turkey, that's why. Much better than venison. You haven't had poultry in a while, not even grouse. Traps have been empty. 

"I love yours," you tell him. 

Joel gives you an appreciative pat on the back of your head, then his hand trails down your back, over the swell of your ass. He slides his hand under your dress and palms your butt cheek. He lifts it, then lets it drop. 

Joel brings you around the front of the stash house where the vans are normally parked and tells you to wait. There’s only one van. One of the other guys took the second van to get gas and isn’t back yet. 

You reach under your dress and adjust the holster as you sit down on a patch of grass to watch. Joel's muscles glisten and flex as he lifts the hood of the van and props it open. He looks around the inside of the van and dabs his head with a bandana that he tucks back into his pocket . He looks under the van while you pick tall blades of grass and braid them together. 

When he's done, he tells you they need a part. Need to go to the junkyard and see if they can find one. You’re going with him and Carter on foot.

—

The junkyard is a few miles on the other side of Joel’s trailer. You go down that side of the hill and walk through the abandoned mobile home park to get there. It’s the first time you’ve seen most of it close-up, aside from through the scope of Joel’s rifle. The rest of the journey is mostly on a dirt road, and you have to climb through a fence to get into the junkyard. 

It feels like you’re there for a long time. You hear the weak bark of a dog in the distance. Joel thinks it’s coming from the woods. It stops.  There’s a house that looks abandoned, but Joel thinks there might be junkies in it. He says they gather around there. He’s even found one sleeping in a car. When Carter finds a part they think will work, they have trouble taking it off the truck. They don’t have the right tools. Brute force isn’t an option because it could easily break. 

The three of you cautiously approach the house and the barking starts again. The structure is run down, and the windows are busted out. It’s small, can’t be more than a couple of rooms. 

—--

As Carter sweeps the house, you go around back with Joel, and there's the dog. He's skinny and his bark is weak and strained. He's chained to a pipe on the side of the house. The pipe has been pulled a little bit outward so it's leaning, but he wasn't strong enough to free himself. He's a scrappy little mutt with a floppy ear. Probably less than 20 lbs (9 kg). You and Joel both stare at the dog, then Carter calls from inside, “Miller!”

Joel looks around to make sure you’ll be alright for a minute. “Don’t move. Stay alert. Hand on your gun.” 

As Joel goes inside,  Carter says, “Think he’s alive.” 

“Infected?”Joel asks. 

“Nah, see the track marks?”

“Piece’a shit left his dog to die.” 

Outside, the dog watches you. He sits attentively with his head down.  You put on a soothing voice for him. "Hey, buddy. Whatcha doin'?" He lowers his head almost to the ground as he slowly stretches his arms out, then his tail starts to wag hesitantly, staying close to the ground. He begins to whine.  There are a couple of bones behind him with no meat left on them at all. 

Carter comes out to watch you.  There's a metal bowl upside down out of the dog's reach.  "He needs water," you say. Carter looks around then reaches into his backpack and hands you his water. You pour some into the dish for the dog, and his tail begins to wag with more pep. When you reach out to touch the dog, he flinches and backs away, then cautiously returns and gets closer to you than he was. 

Carter gets closer, and when he reaches out for the dog, it growls and barks ferociously. Carter isn't afraid–it's too small to be afraid of. He reaches for the dog's collar and the dog chomps his hand with a vicious growl, high pitched from his throat. He doesn't want to let go.

"DAMN!" Carter yells. "SHIT," he shakes his hand.

"No," you firmly tell the dog. The dog lowers his stomach onto the ground and raises his brows pathetically with a whine. 

"He's just scared," you tell Carter as he rinses the wound with the rest of his water.

"I know, I know," Carter nods. He puts his water back in his backpack. "Feisty little fucker." He spits on the ground. 

“We’ve gotta get him out of this,” you mutter.  

Carter tries to stop you. “Don’t touch–”

You hold your hand out to the dog, and Carter sighs in resignation. The dog reaches his neck out to sniff you, then licks you. He lets you touch him. Then you touch his collar and he growls, but not as bad. The collar has inner spikes that must be hurting him. It's too big and has some slack hanging down from where it's been tightened.

Joel comes outside with a bag of tools clinking heavily against each other. 

"What the hell's goin' on out here?" You give Carter a hopeful glance and he doesn't snitch on the dog for biting him. 

You look at Joel. "He's gonna die if we don't get him free," you explain.  Joel lunges toward the dog and you try to warn him, "WAIT-"  Joel stops short of bending over and instead looks at you. The dog goes after his ankle, bearing his teeth and going nuts.  Joel shakes his leg free. You tell the dog, “No" and he submits on the ground with a whine. Joel looks at the dog and raises his gun. 

"You wouldn't," you whine. "He's protecting me."

“Course i wouldn’t. Damn.”

Joel steps closer and aims at the drain pipe behind the dog, shooting the chain to break it. It hurts your ears but it works. The dog yelps and skips out from the building, chain dragging behind him. Joel takes the bag of tools back to the truck where they found the part, leaving Carter with you while you try to free the dog. 

"C'mere," you sit back on your knees and open your arms for the dog. With the freedom of movement, you can work the collar off him. The dog whimpers and paws at the collar with you. When he lets out a sharper, high pitched whimper, you freeze as it triggers a memory. Your chest feels hollow and long-buried grief stabs at the backs of your eyes. You push it away. You don't want to cry. You want to be tough and whatever else you need to be for Joel to always take you with him. The dog whimpers again and you return to the task. You free him from the collar and he trots away from the house. 

— Joel ⛓️ —

When he gets back, the dog is playfully pawing at your knees.  You scratch behind his ears and he rolls over. One look at your face and Joel knows what you want. 

"Alright, let's go," Joel says and looks at the ground next to you. He steps forward and the dog growls. "It's ok," you tell the dog and you reach for Joel's hand. 

“Maybe he wants to come with us,” you say as casually as you can. 

Joel clenches his jaw and shakes his head. 

"I can take care of him," you plead, your eyes big and watery. "He's not big, he doesn't need much." 

Joel shifts his weight as he looks at you for a moment. "I know ya get bored-"

"Not because I'm bored," you protest. "He's hungry."

"No," Joel tells you firmly and your tears overflow. God damnit, not here. He's hungry because he was chained. He'll be fine now.

Joel doesn't want to share resources, doesn’t want the barking to attract attention, and doesn’t want someone to come after the dog–after you–if there’s anyone left to come. The junkie inside is as good as dead, but they run in packs and they’re dangerous.  

"It's for your own good, sweet pea.” Joel really thinks it is. 

You shake your head no. "I had one," you sniffle. "Before." 

Joel’s nostrils flare at the shake of your head, then his stomach drops. He doesn't want to know about before. He does, but he really doesn't. He covers his mouth with the crook of his thumb as he rubs both sides of his beard. Before. It gets harder and harder to avoid. He shakes it off.  All he can do is keep you safe and take care of you the best he can, which means taking care of only you. He shakes his head no again, then reaches into his backpack. He throws a piece of jerky as far as he can. “He’s fed, Gonna be fine.” He throws another piece. 

You watch the dog run off for the jerky, but you're in a trance, thinking about something else. 

“Let’s go, baby,” Joel steps forward, wraps a hand around the inside of your bicep, and gently pulls.  You try to resist walking, and his grip gets firmer. You stand there watching the dog, feet planted on the ground, muscle tensing under Joel's grip.

Joel faces you and cups your face with both hands, making you look at him. He gets a few inches from your face and lowers his voice.  “Ain’t gonna spank ya in front’a Carter, but ya better move.”  He means it. Non-negotiable.

He grabs your arm again, and as he starts dragging you away, you blurt out, "Her name was Daisy. She saved my life."

Joel ignores it.  “Move. Now. Or I’m pickin’ ya up.”  You relent and stop resisting. Smart. He wouldn't want to regret bringing you with them.

Joel squints into the ground as the two of you walk. Carter walks ahead, not wanting to get in the middle of it.  “Maybe this one could save me, too," you suggest. "if you’re gone.” 

Damnit sweet pea, you sure are smart. Nice try, but that's what Carter is for.

"Dog that size?” Joel laughs. You compose yourself. You walk in silence for a few minutes, but Joel is still thinking about it. “How,” Joel asks, and adjusts his backpack. “How’d she save you? Must’a been bigger, right? meaner?”

Carter looks over his shoulder with a side-eye at the word “meaner,” but doesn’t reveal his injury.  

You don’t answer Joel. You're checked out. You keep eyeing the tree line, but you wouldn’t. . . There's no way you’d run, right? 

You look at him with your eyes red. “You don’t wanna hear it.” 

The vacant look on your face makes Joel stop in his tracks to face you. “Tell me,” he demands. 

You sniffle and look toward the tree line again. “Can I go pee?”

Joel can’t read you right now, which disturbs him. “Yeah,” he mutters and puts his massive hand on your back, guiding you to the edge of the forest. 

He starts to come in behind you, and you ask him, “Do you mind if I go?” 

He swallows and furrows his brow as he looks at you. You must read his concern, because you hand him your bag. He nods. He steps into the woods, but tries to give you some space, without losing track of you. He doesn't wanna have to chase you down, but damnit he'll tackle you if he has to, to save you from yourself. His stomach is uneasy.

There’s a hollow, rusted truck about 30 paces away. You go on the other side of it. Joel knows you’re not just pouting about leaving the dog. There's more to this. But you’re right, he’s not sure if he wants to know. 

Until he hears you sniffling, and it's not just sad, it's scared, painful.

Ah, fuck it. He moves as quietly as he can.

“Sweet pea,” he says softly as he walks around the old hollowed-out car. You’re squatting–not peeing, just hugging your knees, facing the abandoned car. You're shaking and your cheeks are wet. There's not much space, but Joel gets between you and the car.  He takes his backpack off and drops it to the side.

“She wasn’t afraid like me, Daisy,” you choke out and wipe your cheeks with the heel of one palm.  “They,” you croak. You pause and try again. “He had a gun-” you close your eyes. “Pointed at, pointed at me," you take a deep breath and keep your eyes pinched shut. "He was, he was gonna—but she wouldn’t," you choke on a breath. "She wouldn't stop barking.”  

"Shhhhh, it's ok." Joel cuts you off. It's too hard to see you re-living this. He doesn't want you to get to the details. He squats down. His head is full of pressure, and his heart is full of rage. You take shaky, shallow breaths. 

He puts a hand on your shoulder and lets his knees into the ground. “Breathe,” he says. “Breathe, sweet pea.”  You lean forward, letting your weight into his arms, and he holds you for a minute as you regain your breath.  He cradles your head.  "Yeah, you're okay, I got ya."  He buries his mouth in your hair. "I got ya, baby," he whispers. You wipe your eyes on his shoulder and your cheek catches on the holster.  When you lift your head, you apologize and he shakes his head no.  He brushes a fresh tear off your cheek, and arousal stirs in his pants.  

“Who did it,” he asks, unable to mask the darkness in his question. 

“Just a guy,” you tell him. A guy like himself, Joel assumes with disdain. 

“What kinda guy” 

You sigh and he hates making you think about this, but he needs the answer. “Mean. Had a gold tooth.” 

Joel takes a deep breath and nods. 

"FEDRA," you add, and Joel's face goes cold. His mind goes blank. For a moment, he doesn't even breathe as the life is sucked out of him and replaced by ice cold rage. FEDRA. Not a guy like him.

 “How’d ya get away?” Joel asks. 

You look at him for a second, doing a double take at his face.  You shake your head. “You don’t wanna hear it." You bury your head in his neck again. You’re right, he doesn’t want to, but he insists.  

“Tell me.” 

“Jah–” you stop and look at Joel’s face. His jaw clenches. He knows what's coming, but the thought of FEDRA has fortified him with numbness. 

“S’okay, sweet pea.”

“Jack shot’m.” 

Joel takes a deep breath and looks up at the forest canopy, then bows his head and looks at your knees, bracketed by his own. For a moment, Joel is filled with an uncomfortable appreciation for Jack. But that fades into, no, it should have been Joel, he should’ve had you all along, he should’ve been there to save you *and* your dog. 

“He take good care of ya?” Joel asks in self-loathing. 

You shrug. 

“Better than. . .now?” He can take it.

“No,” you shake your head. “He didn’t shoot him dead.” 

Jackass fucking moron cuck. He left that motherfucker breathing? Suddenly Joel is glad he killed Jack. 

Joel nods, “I see.” He keeps nodding slowly, looking to his right at the moss on a far off tree, clenching his jaw.

"And I didn't have a gun," you add. "Cause I killed a guy Jack said not to." Joel scoffs. You could've killed the guy yourself if not for Jack.

You continue,  “and. . . Jack didn’t cook.” Joel chuckles, caught off guard -- he'd forgetten his original question. You keep going, “And he didn’t–I didn’t–I didn’t feel the same,” you wipe your eyes.  This has gone far enough, and Joel knows it's his own fault. His stupid question.  He takes the toothpick from behind his ear.

You look at him with your eyes all watery, and Joel's cock twitches. The next thing he knows, his massive hand is wrapped gently around your jaw. You put your hands on his shoulders, then straddle him. You wrap your arms around his neck. 

"Mmm," he sighs as your warm crotch meets the bulge in his jeans, and he swells harder against you. He holds your face about two inches from his, looking down at your mouth, then your nose, and your eyes again. He puts his toothpick in his mouth and looks past you as he lets go of your jaw. You bury your head in his neck, blinking warm tears into his skin, making him harder. He whispers your name. He relaxes and takes the toothpick out of his mouth just in time for a branch to fall on the car with a loud clang. 

"All good?" Carter yells from the treeline. 

“Shouldn’t stay here long,” Joel mumbles as he puts it back behind his ear. ”Bad area.” He eases you off his lap back onto your feet, as you both stand up. He brushes dead leaves off his pants and your knees. He adjusts himself, puts his backpack over one shoulder, then reaches down and you take his hand.  You walk a few steps together and he looks back at you slightly behind him. He realizes you’re shaking. He drops your hand, goes in his backpack, and pulls out a flannel that he packed even though you said you were fine. He unfolds it, holds it out, and helps you put it on. 

“Thanks,” you whisper and rub your nose. He keeps his hand on the back of your neck as you walk.

Joel stews and broods as you leave the forest together. He wants to go back in time and kill everyone who’s ever hurt you, anyone who let you get hurt, and anyone who failed to hurt the people who hurt you. His muscles are all tense, and his veins are throbbing.

When you get to the treeline, Joel asks Carter, "Can ya gimme five?"

"Sure thing, boss.".

“No ones gonna miss that asshole," Joel mutters as he checks his gun then sets his sights on the house. 

Joel can’t go back in time, but by God, he’s got to kill someone. He drops his backpack then hurries back to the abandoned house, rifle in both hands. When he gets there, he puts the rifle around his back and grabs the dog chain off the ground on his way in. 

—---You 🌸🫛-—

You and Carter look at each other. “How’s your hand?” you ask him. 

“It’ll be fine,” he reassures you. “I dunno where the little bugger went,” he looks around for the dog.  

You both ignore the sound of the chain thrashing around until you hear grunting and look toward the house. Punches are landing. Carter puts a hand on his rifle but doesn’t move yet. Joel grunts and yells between punches. A minute later, Joel steps out of the house, walking backwards, with the chain pulled taught, and a bloody man dragging behind him. Joel kicks him up against the wall, hits him in the face with the butt of his rifle, then wraps the chain around the drain pipe where the dog was tied up. Joel hits the man again, then aims the rifle and calmly shoots him. Even if you never see the dog again, you're certain the dog is better off without that man. Joel wipes blood splatter off his brow and scowls at the ground as he walks back to you and Carter.

“Ya good?” Carter asks him. 

Joel nods. He’s sweaty, chest heaving.  You try not to let your eyes linger on the remaining blood. You observe his throbbing veins instead. The whole scene has you clenching your thighs.

You walk mostly in silence. When you stop for water, you realize you're being followed. Joel doesn’t notice, but you see the dog duck behind an old car when you turn around. You keep a straight face.

You hear something in the distance. Dust is kicked up down the road. Carter says, “Finally.”  It’s the van that still works, picking you up. You didn't know it was coming and wish the dog could follow you the rest of the way home, but you don’t say anything. You're glad he's unchained. 

—–

When you get back to the stash house, Joel works on the broken down van. When he’s done for the day, he takes you back to the trailer and washes the grease off. When he comes out of the bathroom, you're sitting in the window nook looking at your book, but thinking about the dog. He comes over, wiping his hands off on a towel. "Wanna go out 'n' shoot?" He seems to want to cheer you up.  

Joel goes first. He looks through the scope at the trailer park. Ever since those guys showed up one night, he's looking for other raiders or troublemakers. Then he lines up a shot at the usual target. Your eyes are on his biceps. When Joel is about to take aim, the rare sound of ducks honking startles you. They should’ve already flown South. Joel gets up on his knees and aims toward the front of the flock. He hits one, shifts ahead of the flock, and hits another. It gives you butterflies. You hear a thud as the second one hits the ground. 

“Nice!” you tell him. He winks at you and puts the gun strap over his shoulder. You smooth your dress under your butt as you stand up, then adjust the thigh holster. Joel groans as he stands up. You peer down toward where the birds fell, and something is moving up the hill. A bird, moving strangely. A dead bird, in a little dog's mouth. 

You gasp. Joel looks at you, then follows your eyes. The bird is as big as the dog.  His mouth is open wide to fit the neck.  He crests the hill and drops the bird. "Good boy!" You praise. He does a happy circle and trots back down the hill. 

You look at Joel and try not to smile. Joel puts his hand on his hip and shifts his weight to one leg. He looks down at the ground and rubs brow with the flat of his index finger, squinting. When the dog returns with the second bird, Joel mutters, "alright, big guy," and squats down to accept the bird from his mouth.  Then you barely hear him mutter, "good boy." The dog does another circle and trots around the other side of the trailer. 

 "How'd he find us, all this way?" You marvel. 

"Must have some hound in’m," Joel shakes his head. “Guess ya made an impression.” 

Joel starts a fire and boils two big pots of water. The dog keeps a respectful distance, lounging in the same clover patch where you were sitting earlier. Joel chops the heads and feet off the birds, and tosses them on the ground. The dog scurries over, wagging his tail. He drags one of the duck heads over to the grass to chew on with his butt in the air and his tail wagging furiously, all the way upright now. 

Joel beckons you back inside to wash up and change. He takes a quick shower while you take off the flannel and wash your hands in the kitchen sink. You take off the belt, untethering the ribbons, but you leave the holster on. You sit back down in the window nook.

—-

When Joel comes out from the bathroom, he sits down, manspreads, and pats the kitchen table in front of him, looking at the skirt of your dress as you get up from your seat. You unholster your gun and set it down, then use your hands to help yourself onto the surface, sitting on your dress so your thighs won't stick.  Joel spreads your knees so he can be between them, and grabs your ass to scoot you closer. 

He lifts the dress to look at the holster, and he puts his toothpick in his mouth. 

"s'prised it worked," he mutters. He eyes your legs and runs his hands all the way up your thighs with a deep breath.  "Looks good on ya, too," he murmurs. He thumbs the ribbon of the holster, then unties it. He unbuckles the real strap, too. Then he lifts your knee, slides the holster out from under you, and sets it aside with the gun. He runs his hand over the indentation in your skin from the buckle. "that hurt?" He asks. 

"No." 

He puts his elbows down on either side of your hips, and his biceps rest against your thighs. He looks back and forth between your breasts and takes the toothpick out of his mouth. Without taking his eyes off you, he throws it into the kitchen sink and it hits the metal with a light plink. 

He furrows his brow and looks at your body, then puts his cheek flat against your breast at the lace neckline of your cotton dress while he palms the opposite tit. He turns his face to nose your nipple, and it hardens through the fabric of your dress. He dampens the cotton with his mouth as he flattens his tongue against it. One hand holds your back, near your shoulder blade for leverage, with his thumb hooked under your arm. 

He kisses wetly at your breast through your dress, then glances up at you. His hands slide up to the straps of your dress. He gently nudges the straps off your shoulder. His fingers skim your nipples as he curls his thick fingers into the lace neckline, then pulls the dress down below your tits.  He presses his wide tongue onto your nipple and closes his eyes as he latches onto it. Then he lets go with a soft pop and sucks below the nipple as he massages the other breast.  You're gushing arousal with your legs wide open.  He inhales through his nose and his stomach growls. 

"Joel," you sigh, resting your hands on his muscular back. You watch his vein 

His only response is "Mmm," into your nipple.  You're throbbing, and the more attention he pays to your tits, the more your cunt aches to be filled. You want to let him explore your body, it's not something he normally does, but it also makes you want his cock so bad. You want him to slide you off the table and sink you onto his massive erection. He's really taking his time.  You take a deep breath and try to relax. Your clit twitches. 

Joel pulls down the dress a little more, exposing an inch or two below your breasts. He switches sides, dragging his mouth to his right, your left.  With your left nipple in his mouth, he looks up at you and makes sleepy eye contact. His pupils are blown wide. 

"Joel, I want it," you plead.

His tongue trails as he moves his mouth an inch to the right of your nipple, then he closes his eyes again. He licks and sucks the outer curve of your breast, massaging the other one with a thumb lightly brushing the nipple, then the heel of his palm flattening it into your breast. His eyes open to watch his massive hand moving languidly on your breast. 

You whine his name again and slot your fingers into his dark, curly hair. He doesn't look up. You finger his curls and the pads of your fingers lightly caress his scalp. He pulls his mouth off your breast and backs his head away enough to look at your body. You let your fingers fall out of his hair and rest back on his shoulders. One of his hands moves to rest on your hip, his fingers curling around your flesh and his thumb brushing the hem of your dress. 

His voice is low and husky. "Ever feel like ya just. . ." He meets your gaze with hungry eyes, then looks at your lips. "gotta have your mouth on somethin’?"

His eyes fall down your body as he sits back and palms himself through his jeans.  You whisper "yeah," with a smile and begin to scoot off the table so you can suck him off. He abruptly leans forward and stops you with both hands firmly on your hips. He doesn't let you move. His brow furrows. He looks back and forth between your breasts and noses a nipple again. He murmurs low and gruff into your supple skin,  "Ain't talkin' 'bout you."

Your chest erupts in goosebumps.  He drags his hands down your dress to the bare skin of your legs, then slides his massive palms back up your thighs, slipping his fingers under your dress, leaving his thumbs hooked on top. You brace your hands on the table to lift your butt for him. His hands keep moving up, reaching your hips.  The fabric of your dress bunches above your ass, then he curls his fingers under the waistband of your panties and begins to take them down. You let yourself back down on the table as he slides the underwear down your legs. It dangles between his fingers as he brings his hand to your neck and caresses the side of your throat with his thumb.

You feel the damp cotton against your throat and smell your own arousal as he grips your jaw. He locks eyes with you for less than a second before his gaze drifts downward. He returns his other palm to your breast, fingers slotting under your arm to hold you steady as he pushes you down until your back is flat on the table. He nudges your thighs farther apart.  He sucks in a sharp breath through his nose and hums "Mmm." 

He drops the panties on the table. He spreads you open and thumbs your folds, bringing the moisture up to your clit.  He hunches over to bring his face between your legs and his left hand reaches up to fondle a breast.  He drags his nose through your slick and inhales, then moans at your scent. He plants his mouth on the crease of your thigh. He sucks the skin into his mouth, then lets go. He runs two knuckles through your folds, then gently nudges his middle finger  inside. Your walls spasm around the intrusion and he breathes, "god damn." 

He pumps his finger once and adds a second digit. You moan, and he hums a deep "Mmm," in response.  He takes his fingers out and sucks one, then both into his mouth.  "Fuck," he breathes. 

He doesn't waste any more time, spreading you wide open with his thumbs and burying his face in your cunt. He starts at your entrance where your wetness pools and licks up from there, punctuating the first lick with a kiss on the clit that makes your thighs tremble. Then he laps at you more selfishly, like he's thirsty, like he needs to drink you. His tongue starts flat and stiffens as he digs for more and explores each crevasse. He moans into your folds.  You've never felt anything as powerful and precise as his tongue.  It's stronger than his fingers.  It makes you tingle in one swipe, then presses into the tingle for relief.  He holds you gently until you wriggle in pleasure and he holds you down firmer with one forearm across your lower belly.  

He breathes through his nose and moans as he devours you. When he pauses, he draws in a deeper breath through his mouth then exhales vocally against your wet cunt. 

"Feel good?" He asks with a glance to your face, then plants his mouth on your clit. 

He slides one then two fingers into your core again and you gasp then answer "y-yeah," as he sucks your clit while he pumps them. 

He takes his arm off your abdomen to unbutton his pants and take his stiff cock out. He pulls his face away from your pussy. You're throbbing, and your body races to replenish all the moisture he's sucked up. He gathers some on his fingers then also spits into his hand and wraps it around his length. You want it inside you so, so bad. You hear the squelching as his hand moves up and down his shaft. 

He brings his face between your legs again and puts his arm back on top of you to hold you still, angling his elbow so his thumb is planted at your clit. He laps at you again, moaning into your throbbing, swollen lips. He firmly licks between your clit and hole, then thrusts his tongue into your entrance and you whimper. He tilts his head and jabs his sharpened tongue into you again and again, pumping his cock all the while.  He noses your clit as he sucks and laps, then fucks you with his tongue again.  

You writhe under his arm. "Yeah," he whispers before planting his mouth again. He works your clit with his thumb as he thrusts his tongue into you, dragging it against the top wall, and your desperate cunt twitches against him. You let out a long whine, and his thumb gently rubs the top of your clit, over your hood. 

"Joel," you whimper and it turns into a moan. 

His thumb slows down, and he gathers more slick on his fingers. He wipes it on his shaft, then pulls you by the thighs closer to the edge, unsticking your bare ass from the table. You sit up on your elbows and whimper, "want you. . ."  

He's holding his cock, chest heaving. "Want this?"

"Yeah-yes," you whimper. "Please."

He gazes darkly at your cunt and decides, "Ain't done yet."

You whine his name as he puts his face between your legs again. He sucks your clit for a few seconds until you're whimpering, then he plants his mouth a little lower.  He flattens two fingers to rubs your clit while he fucks you with his tongue. You moan his name as your climax seizes you, and you clench around his tongue. He moves his hand from your clit to your mound to hold you steady as you come. He withdraws his tongue from your hole and laps up and down your folds for a few seconds as you continue to twitch. 

Then he stands up, holding his stiff, wet cock.  His face is flushed, and he's shiny from the nose down.  He braces a hand on the table and teases your clit with his swollen tip.  You flinch in pleasure, still reeling from your first orgasm. He notches his tip at your wet little hole, holds onto your thighs,.and shoves himself into you with a groan. He stays in for a moment, sighing “Ohh, fuck,” admiring your body as it rushes to accommodate him. You spasm around him, still twitching with aftershocks.

He backs up then slams into you with a low growl from his chest. It's a lot to take, but god it feels good. He lifts your legs and puts his arms under your knees, wrapping his hands over to hold your thighs as he buries his length in you, grunting and sighing. His balls slap against your ass. His biceps flex, and It isn't long before you begin to moan and writhe, and squeeze his cock. 

"Good girl," he breathes. "Good, sweet pea."

He closes his eyes and fucks you through it. He breathes deep and slow, like he's trying not to come yet.  He slows way down, moans, then bottoms out and begins to pulse. He brings his hands to either side of your body and hovers over you while he thrusts slowly with each warm burst he releases. You milk his cock until his balls are empty, then your contractions fade. 

Joel hovers there, admiring your body. Then he slides out and sits down on the chair between your legs again. His armpits are warm and humid on your thighs.  He puts one hand on each breast and lowers his head to rest his cheek on your lower abdomen, tickling you with his beard. He wipes his mouth on your belly and a spot of drool from the corner of his mouth hits your skin.  He stares off at the front door of the trailer in a trance, gently cupping your breasts. He mumbles, "Taste so good, sweet pea." 

You reach for his hair and he doesn't stop you from fingering his curls. His eyelids droop, and after a few seconds, he closes his eyes.  You lightly massage his scalp again. 

He only allows himself a minute or two before he tenses and clears his throat. He lifts his head and slides his hands under your arms, helping you sit up straight. 

“I'll check the birds,” he says as he tucks his cock away.  He squeezes your thigh and gives you a wink before he stands up to go outside. 

------------

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Thank you for reading and engaging 🖤 It means the world to me when you show him your love! whether this post is new or old. I also love when people throw a comment when they re-read. It's like adding coals to the fire that keeps me warm and writing lol.

You can find more raider!Joel oral on the raider master list under hypotheticals/imagines/HCs.

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All Joel minus ones i'm pretty sure already saw it or are on toxic notifs or don't read joel anymore? . . : @silkiers @eiviea @evyiione @queerly-anxious @chernayawidow @ambassadortotrilliusprime @fandomsfallnomore @djarinxore @blackvelveteen1339 @manazo @taeslarityy @str84pedro @lokanda  @kyloispunk @filthfairy @fieryglutenfreechickennoodles @harriedandharassed @moonlightdivine @worhols @fan-fiction-floozy @cutesyscreenname   @weddingfairy @pedropascal-whore @spideysimpossiblegirl @feministfanboi @prettypartyfavor @am-3-thyst @babeincolor @switchbladedreamz @within-the-depths @may-machin @pedromania91 @sloanexx @paleidiot @yourmistysecret @bean-is-reading

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#joel miller x reader #joel miller smut #joel miller fic #joel miller fanfic #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x female reader #tw animal death #tw animal neglect #dark!joel miller #raider!joel miller #toxicanonymity ☠️ #raider!joel #raider!joel ☠️

[bluebeary-jay]

How easy you are to need

Joel Miller x f!Reader

Summary: Joel notices that the peaceful life in Jackson has its consequences. he is not happy about it (based on this wonderful ask!)

Tags: TONS OF ANGST, but also FLUFF, established relationship, ahh intrusive thoughts (how much i hate them), Joel is probably ooc but i don't care anymore, also he's soft and insecure and vulnerable

Warnings: body dismorphia and lots of self-loathing on Joel's side, at one (two?) points borderline on smut ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) hihihi, swearing, drinking (just mentioned), suggestive stuff bc apparently i can't help myself 😌

Word count: 8K ! (8028 specifically woah)

A/N: the next fic will definitely be shorter bc i really need to start caring less about the quality of my work, it takes way too long for my liking. buuut anyway as always 🎶i hope yall will like it🎶 this is my birthday gift for you guys 💕

Joel looked at himself in the mirror with furrowed brows.

He pulled in his stomach and tried to zip his pants. It still fit, but barely. He undid the zip, turned to the side and looked at his reflection again, just to make sure.

Yeah. This pair was definitely loose until a while ago.

He glanced at the door, but didn’t hear you coming, so he sighed and looked in the mirror again. Joel was never particularly muscular, but he could no longer see those thin lines which accentuated his torso before. There was also a bit of fat above the hem of his jeans, and his frame seemed somehow heavier…

Good thing his left ear was directed to the door, because he heard the moment the water in the shower stopped running, which meant you were coming back from the bathroom. Joel spared himself one last wary look and zipped up his pants before turning around to your shared bed where his shirt lay discarded.

He was putting his arms into the sleeves when you entered. A couple of light steps, and then Joel smiled when he felt your arms wrapping around his torso. He glanced over his shoulder at you.

“You took your sweet time in the shower,” he pointed out, and he could feel your smile when you pressed your face to his back.

“We finally have hot water, so I’m gonna use it every chance I get.”

“You left some for me?”

You huffed a laugh and went around him, moving his hands away and starting to button his shirt yourself.

“There would be, if you took a shower with me.”

“Next time, sweetheart,” he chuckled and leaned in to kiss your forehead softly, combing his fingers through your wet hair. He hummed. “Your hair smells nice.”

“It’s that shampoo Ellie didn’t want.” You shook your head with a smile. “I have no idea why, it’s fantastic.”

You buttoned up the last button and smoothed your palms over his chest and down, lastly resting them on his waist. Internally Joel furrowed his eyebrows, wondering if he could always feel this fold when you put your hands in that place.

“You look handsome,” you whispered, looking up at him with twinkling eyes and such a soft, love-struck expression on your face that Joel felt his throat constricting. Everything but the sight of you faded from his mind, and he joined his hands behind your back, pulling you closer into his chest and basking in this precious smile you blessed him with. “Especially with the bed hair.”

“It’s your doin’, you know,” he murmured in response, nudging your nose with his and reminiscing how you tugged and raked your nails through his hair the night before. “You gotta be careful with it, sweet girl. If you continue doin’ it, m’gonna go bald soon.”

You hummed noncommittally and leaned against his chest, standing on your tip-toes. “I’ll take it under consideration. No promises, though.”

Joel lifted his hand to the back of your neck and kissed you slowly, reveling in the soft sigh that left your lips. You rested your palm above his heart, leaning forward to the point that you would fall over if he wasn’t supporting your weight.

But Joel held you tight and close to his body, gladly steadying you as you deepened the kiss, once again tugging on his graying hair in that way he adored. He wanted to tease you about it, but his thoughts strayed to the image of his body again when you lowered your hand from his chest to his side.

“You remember that tonight is this party?” you asked suddenly, pulling him out of his thoughts. Joel gave up pondering about his physique and sighed heavily at your question, pressing his forehead to yours.

“Yeah, I remember. Regrettably.”

“I don’t want to go, either,” you whispered with guilt, as if someone would hear you both. “But Tommy really wanted us to come and… Just don’t make me go alone.”

“Hey, darlin’.” Joel took your face in his hands and looked deeply into your eyes. “I promised, didn’t I? M’not gonna leave you there on your own.” He leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to your lips, smiling against them. “And mind you, I gotta make sure no one will try to seduce and steal you away from me.”

You giggled, and you were standing so close that Joel could feel your eyelashes tickling his skin. He held you close when you tried to take a step back, and your lips collided again.

“That is the one thing you don’t need to ever worry about,” you murmured quietly into the space between you two. “How could I even look at other people when I have you all to myself?”

Joel’s reflection in the mirror flashed across his mind again and a small wave of uncertainty rippled through him, but it quickly disappeared when you opened your eyes and looked at him with this raw love radiating from them. Your every word, every affectionate gesture only confirmed his conviction that you meant every word you said.

So why did he still feel so uncertain?

*****

Life in Jackson was perfect. Considering the state of the world right now, living here was like winning a lottery.

Joel had a lot to be thankful for, he was well aware of that. No longer had he any fears or sense of guilt about going to sleep and leaving you and Ellie defenseless if something were to happen. He didn’t have to count rations anymore, worrying that the kid would be forced to march all day hungry. There was now no need to keep a watchful eye for new clothes if someone’s worn off, ripped or got soaked from walking in the rain, posing a threat of you or Ellie catching a cold.

Back in Boston it wasn’t much different, though he and you had at least a bed to sleep in, as uncomfortable as it was. But there was never enough food for all those people Fedra kept there, and the winters were cold as hell, leaving at least one of you a bit sick every year.

None of those things were keeping him awake at night anymore. The only people he had to take care of – you and Ellie – were safe and comfortable. None of you had to starve or freeze, and you all didn’t have to continue walking across the country for days and days without end, struggling to survive.

Maybe that was the problem.

Joel wasn’t stupid. He knew that those luxuries he had an access to now were at the root of his problem. Before you all settled in Jackson, you were constantly on the move, fighting for your lives in one way or another, so of course he was… leaner and more fit back then. It was never something he paid attention to, though, never something he concerned himself with.

But now you three were living here, surrounded by more people than Joel could count, and he couldn’t help but… notice things about them.

Especially about all those men and women who looked at you in a different way.

Due to the nature of the party Tommy invited them to – mainly consisting of dancing and talking in the biggest bar in Jackson – Joel had a lot of time to ponder about his situation, all while nursing his drink and looking at you from across the room with his elbows resting on the table.

You were chatting with one of your friends near the counter, laughing and smiling so beautifully. No matter where Joel’s eyes strayed, they always came back to your person, as if you were the moon against the pitch black sky, reflecting some imperceptible light.

Some guy he knew by sight – Chuck? Bart? – walked up and tapped you on the shoulder, and from what Joel could tell, he was offering you a drink. He was standing way too close, though, and you took a step closer to your friend, shaking your head. Chuck – or Bart – persisted for another half a minute, but eventually shrugged and shuffled off, his movements tense.

Joel didn’t move. He knew from experience that you’d let him know if you needed his help.

As if sensing his gaze, you turned your head and sent him a radiant smile. He mirrored it, lifting his glass slightly like he was toasting you, which made you do the same before resuming the conversation with your friend.

His smile disappeared as soon as you stopped looking at him. Joel sighed and rubbed his eyes with his fingers, feeling a headache coming from the dull lights and loud chatter all around.

It were moments like this when it hit him just how old he was compared to you.

You were a sweet, young thing. Funny, sharp, drop-dead gorgeous… No wonder some people were seeking your attention. That guy was just one of the half a dozen he saw or heard about since you moved to Jackson.

Joel knew you were a loyal sort – God, he knew that, he knew you for so long now – but every time he saw you talking to someone else, his treacherous mind started to wonder if he wasn’t somehow keeping you chained to his person.

It was probably alcohol talking, but Lord, if he wasn’t reminded of how old he was compared to you every time he saw you next to your peers. You still had so much life ahead of you, and he was pushing sixty, for fuck’s sake. Before long he’ll be old and decrepit, unable to bring something useful to the table or help you in any way, and you’d still be as pretty as ever, trapped in a relationship with an old man.

For example, that guy – Chuck, or whomever – was way closer to your age, had handsome features, and Joel knew for a fact he was working at tree felling, so he had to be muscular, too.

Joel was once, too. Once.

He subtly ran his hand across his stomach under the jacket, his brows furrowed, and leaned back on the bench to get rid of those damned fat folds.

He sighed and downed the rest of the liquor in his glass, trying very hard not to think about it, not to put himself down like that and let those cruel thoughts fester in his mind, but no matter what, he couldn’t stop comparing himself to this guy, and also… how you looked next to him.

Shit. What if he was doing you more harm than good by continuing to stay with you?

“I could pickpocket you and you wouldn’t notice.”

Joel looked up, abruptly pulled out of his thoughts. You were standing over his table with your head tilted and still that beaming smile on your face.

“What are you thinking about, handsome?”

He opened his mouth, glanced in the direction of the bar, and closed it. There was no sign of any of the people you just talked with.

“Nothin’,” he replied, maybe a little too dryly, so he quickly changed the subject. “You havin’ fun?”

“Yeah, it’s nicer than I thought.” You looked around and then spotted the empty glass on the table in front of him. “Do you want me to bring you another one?”

“No, there’s no need,” he grumbled, but you had already put your drink down and sent him a wink.

“I'll be right back, baby.”

Joel hissed your name but you just looked over your shoulder with a smirk, swinging your hips provocatively to the music and ignoring him completely. He sighed heavily, slumping in his seat.

He needed to get his shit together. Fuck his insecurities, he didn’t want to take his frustration out on you when you were nothing but a ray of sunshine in his life, always so good and affectionate.

Joel’s thoughts came to a sudden stop when he searched for you in the crowd and noticed another man, this time one he didn’t know, swinging his arm over your shoulders while you waited at the bar. He tried to read your body language from here, but you didn’t seem particularly uncomfortable with the man’s actions. Joel furrowed his brows, a pit of uncertainty forming in his stomach again... but then you threw the man’s heavy limb off your shoulders and went back to Joel’s table as soon as you got the drink.

“Thanks, darlin’,” he murmured, taking a large gulp despite telling himself earlier that he was done drinking for today. “Were you okay back there?” He pointed his chin towards the bar.

You sat down next to him and smiled innocently. “Whatever do you mean?”

Joel knew you long enough to recognize when you were teasing him, and he smirked despite the doubts swirling in his mind.

“Was that guy givin’ you any trouble?” he asked lazily, deciding to play along.

“Would you beat the shit out of him if I said yes?” you asked with your eyebrows raised, and Joel shrugged, acting nonchalant.

“Probably.”

You giggled and bumped his shoulder with yours playfully.

“Then no. Peter’s a good guy. Just a little,” you seemed to be looking for the right word, “uhm, persistent.” When Joel sent you a dubious look, you rolled your eyes and made a face. “He’s politely hitting on me, but doesn’t get that I’m not interested. He works at the same place I do.”

“If he keeps makin’ you uncomfortable, that’s not very polite.” You squinted at him and Joel lifted his hands in fake surrender. “M’not sayin’ anythin’. You can take care of yourself, I know that.”

You hummed melodically and glanced at the bar, then back at Joel. Then back at the bar again where that Peter guy stood. Joel noticed you biting the inside of your cheek, so he gently nudged your knee with his.

“What’s on your mind, sweet girl?”

“Maybe you could help me make it clear that I’m taken?” you blurted out quickly, making him crack a smile and chuckle under his breath.

It was so very easy to forget about all the problems in the world when you were there, sitting right next to him and warming his soul and body with your mere presence.

“Come ‘ere,” he breathed and tugged you gently to sit on his lap. You faltered, but he gave your hand another light tug, and finally you let him guide you, putting one arm around his shoulders and making yourself comfortable.

Joel’s hand mindlessly went to rest on your thigh and he rubbed it comfortingly. That Peter guy, as he noted with satisfaction, was staring right back at you, eyeing the way your body was pressed flush against Joel’s with a twisted face.

Once the eyes of the both men met, Joel leaned in and kissed your neck, keeping eye contact the entire time. Peter turned away, taking a large swig from his glass.

Joel felt your muscles relaxing, and you giggled adorably next to his ear at his antics, hiding your neck between your shoulders when he nibbled at your skin lightly. Then your hand covered his, the one lying on your thigh, and stroked his skin lovingly.

Maybe Joel was keeping you chained somehow. Then again, he was but a selfish creature after all. He didn’t know if he could bring himself to ever truly let you go.

*****

The next few days – which then turned into weeks – Joel spent wondering. Mostly about what to do with his predicaments.

He had a couple of them.

The first problem was the nights. They became more difficult since he noticed… details about himself that weren’t there before, and which bothered him more and more with each day.

Joel used to love the nightfall, especially since you all settled in Jackson. In those evening hours no one bothered him, he could finally relax, spend some time alone with you, and later collapse on the bed to get a good-night sleep.

Well, not anymore.

The bedtime unexpectedly became the most stressful one for him. He was so fucking mad at himself, because laying down and having a chance to hold you in his arms was something he treasured for the longest time, but now his own insecurities stood in a way of it.

You loved cuddling and being close to him in your sleep, and Joel was never bothered by it – hell, he initiated those moments more often than not. But now he started noticing more and more how this layer of fat on his stomach moved and looked like when you draped your arm around him or snuggled closer to his chest, and it became all he could think about.

It bothered Joel so much that he started wearing a t-shirt to bed, even though he hated it with all his passion. When you asked about it, he lied that he’s cold, but in reality he was always sweaty by morning. It didn’t seem to make any difference to you, though, and you didn’t shy away from pressing your body close to his, and even slipping your hands under his shirt when you were spooning him. Some days Joel was waking up with you lying on his chest or having your arm slung across his belly, and every time it caused a lump in his throat.

He knew you didn’t mean anything bad by it – for God’s sake, you probably didn’t even have any idea that he had a problem with himself – but what once was a wonderful start of the day, now became a bitter reminder of all those things he was insecure about.

Recently he built a habit of waking up before you – he did it often before, but he always stayed in bed and waited for you to open your eyes, too – and carefully disentangling himself from your embrace. It wasn’t like it didn’t feel wonderful to be enveloped by you in this way, but once he stirred awake, lying still was a herculean task. No matter how much he tried to ignore it, his skin was itching and buzzing, he was sweating from nerves and a lot of horrible, self-depriving thoughts were flooding his mind.

So once he woke up, he’d go take a shower, trying to be a little bit louder than necessary in hopes that you’d already be awake when he gets back – so that he wouldn’t feel so guilty about not laying back down next to you.

The second of his problems was that you began to watch him more closely.

He didn’t know when it started happening, but in hindsight he realized it was just a matter of time – he was acting weird, after all, and you knew him too well not to notice anything.

A couple of times in the last few days only, Joel caught you staring at him in silence. Your eyes were solemn and your forehead sad, though you were quick to smile and act like nothing was amiss as soon as he turned your way.

You must have known something was wrong, but Joel didn’t ask about it. Honestly, with all that was happening in his own head, he didn’t want to know.

But at the same time it was as if nothing odd was happening. You were your usual self, a blessing in Joel’s life, and you still sought to be close to him and spend as much time together as possible. You still told him you loved him, surprised him with unexpected gestures of affection…

Just like today – you hugged him from behind while he was dressing up, started kissing his shoulders so tenderly and murmuring sweet nothings into his skin… In those moments Joel could almost forget about everything that was nagging him. It was easy to believe that you still liked the way he looked, that he was deserving of you, when you treated him with nothing but overwhelming love.

But the itch in the back of his mind never really disappeared. Even though he wanted it to.

Those thoughts filled his mind while you were sitting on his lap, telling him some story from work in a soft voice. You two were at Tommy’s, waiting for him to get back from helping his wife with something, and the day was so beautiful that you all went out onto the patio in front of the house to enjoy the unusually warm weather for this time of the year.

Joel’s hand was on your thigh, stroking it absentmindedly, while he nodded to whatever you were saying, but for the life of him, he could not focus.

Has your physique changed as well? Joel didn’t care about those things, of course, and in his eyes you were as breathtaking as ever – maybe even more, since so many of your worries disappeared and he got to see your smile more often. And you still felt perfect under his hands when he was holding you at night, still looked like a goddess every time he got to admire your naked body.

But even though he wouldn’t have cared either way if you gained some weight or looked any different, his body still bothered him.

You rested your head on his shoulder, and Joel fixed his attention to the wind-blown tree crowns in the distance.

Maybe he should start exercising.

Joel never liked the idea of waking up early and running down the streets in a sweat-soaked t-shirt, or going to the gym where everyone seems to stare and judge you, but it was never necessary.

With how much traveling, heavy-lifting and working he had to do, he never concerned himself with the way he looked. Hell, these things are the last on your mind when you’re fighting for your life in this god-forsaken world. But here, in Jackson, it was different. Life was good, and you were happy. And as stupid as it sounded for him, Joel wanted to look good for you.

Maybe he should ask Maria to assign him to extra patrols. He already volunteered for the morning ones, but perhaps…

“You’re quiet.”

Joel didn’t realize you stopped telling your story. He pressed his lips together and his hand on your thigh stilled.

“Sorry.”

“No need for that,” you reassured him quickly. Then you cupped his cheeks and lifted his head gently. “I don’t mean ‘now’, though, I mean… lately, in general.” Your eyes were flickering across his face, like you were hoping to read the answer from his features. “Is there something you wanna talk about?”

No. Hell no. It was bad enough that Joel himself was aware of his issue, he didn’t want to make it even more noticeable by pointing it out to you.

Which reminded him – he moved his torso away from you only a few millimeters.

“No, babygirl,” he answered. He brushed some hair behind your ear, smiling softly even though inside he despised himself for lying to you. “Everythin’s fine.”

You didn’t seem convinced and still were studying his face with concern. Joel resumed petting your thigh, wanting to put you at ease. He could worry about himself, but he didn’t need to concern you with his problems, too.

“I promise,” he added. “Don’t worry your pretty little head about it.”

That look in your eyes didn’t disappear, but you hummed and dropped your hands. It didn’t take a genius to know you didn’t believe him.

“If you say so,” you answered at last, and then covered his hand on your leg with your own. “But remember you can talk to me whenever you want. About anything.”

Jesus, your kindness was only confirming his concerns if he was the right person for you. Joel shook his head with a crooked smile.

“You’re gettin’ sappy.”

“It’s because I’m worried,” you shot back without skipping a beat, swatting at his chest with the back of your hand. “And you’re not making it any easier.”

“There’s nothin’ for you to worry about,” he repeated, trying to keep the irritation out of his voice. But he failed.

You pressed your lips together and then made a move to get up from his lap without a word. Joel held onto you delicately, not letting you stand up.

“Wait, darlin’,” he sighed, rubbing his eyes with his fingers. “Didn’t mean to say it that way. I just… feel tired. Sorry.”

Your eyes softened when you took in the regret and weariness on his face. Joel felt your fingertips on his jaw, but before you could question him further, Tommy returned from the inside of the house with a grin.

“Age is a heavy burden, eh, ol’ dog?” he teased, apparently having heard the last bit of their conversation. The younger Miller placed three bottles of beer on the table, and winked at you. “That’s just how it is for us now. Enjoy your youth while you still can, punk.”

Joel felt a sharp jab in his ribs, not unlike being stabbed. He couldn’t find it in himself to look at his brother, less alone laugh at his teasing.

Of course Tommy didn’t mean anything bad by it, but his words were just a bitter reminder of the ever-present pit of Joel’s stomach.

The weight of you on his lap suddenly felt a lot lighter, and he himself felt so, so very heavy and tired.

Old.

Joel could feel your eyes boring into his face, but a second later you turned to Tommy, taking the burden of filling the uncomfortable silence.

“It’s already started for me. Sometimes I feel like my bones want to kill me prematurely.”

“M’sure Joel won’t let that happen. He’d fight your skeleton if you said it’s botherin’ you.”

You snorted and shook your head, but your smile faltered when you turned to Joel again. He almost broke down right then and there from the guilt and tightness in his chest.

And the dark feeling inside him just grew when your eyes stayed sad and concerned for the rest of the day.

*****

It had to end.

Joel could no longer pretend everything was alright like he wasn’t dying on the inside every time you did as much as hold his hand. He felt horrible about lying, avoiding spending time together and denying you affection he knew you so loved receiving.

If he was being honest with himself, he wanted this affection, too. Undisturbed with self-doubts and guilt.

He fucking craved it.

Those last few weeks, his evenings were mostly spent away from you and the warmth of your shared home. The nights, on the other hand, when he would sneak in and quietly lay down next to you (but just a little further away), became full of intrusive thoughts and wallowing in self-loathing.

No matter what excuse he came up with, you were persistent in holding and being close to him during the night, and Joel discovered that the only way to prevent you from doing it was to come to bed after you’ve already fallen asleep.

But it was a damn torture.

The worst part was when he was coming home to the sight of you lying amongst the tangled sheets and blankets in his bed. No matter if you were drooling or a pillow has imprinted itself on your cheek, every time this sight made Joel weak in the knees. You looked like a gorgeous, priceless painting, and it pained him to disrupt your rest with his arrival.

He tried to volunteer for evening patrols, because then he’d have a real reason to come home late, but not only Maria didn’t want to pair him with anyone during those hours – she also suspended him from all patrols whatsoever. Joel was understandably furious, but the damn woman threatened to tell Tommy about it if he kept being ‘a stubborn pain in her ass’. She sent him back home, murmuring something about spending more time with you, which he tried to pretend he hadn’t heard.

Joel sighed, sitting up on the edge of the bed and hiding his face in his hand.

If Maria of all people could see that there were some problems in your and Joel’s relationship, then you had to notice, too.

Christ, he was the worst.

Joel didn’t want to push you away, of course not. He wanted to stay with you more than anything, but that desire did nothing to diminish the guilt suffocating him. For some time, he felt like the luckiest man alive, having the privilege to call you his and every day come home to you. But now with all those little things he started to notice, he felt like a fraud.

It wasn’t even about him not deserving you anymore – it was that you didn’t deserve this fucking treatment he was giving you these past few weeks.

Fuck, he had to tell you the truth. About the patrols, sneaking out, distancing himself, all of it. He couldn’t bear lying to you a day longer.

Joel stood up and pulled his sweaty t-shirt over his head. He wrinkled his nose at the smell and patted himself under his armpits and on the back, then reached for a clean one.

He’ll figure it out. He just needed some time to come up with a way to–

“Morning, handsome.”

Joel flinched and turned around quickly, not having realized you were awake, but whatever excuse he had in mind, it fell dead on his lips.

You stretched with a groan, reaching one arm high above your head and rubbing your eyes with the other hand. A sleepy smile danced on your lips when you looked back at him with sparkles in your slightly puffy eyes, and Joel didn’t have any other word to describe you than ‘ethereal’.

“What are you doing?” you asked groggily, relaxing against the pillow and looking him up and down.

“Uhmm…” he hesitated, clutching the t-shirt that was in need of washing close to his chest. His gaze was drawn to the window. “Goin’ out, actually. I’ve got some work…”

“No, you don’t,” you interrupted him and swung off the covers from his side of the bed. “Get back here.”

Joel looked at you with surprise.

“What?”

“You heard me, Miller. Get your ass back on the bed.”

He crumpled the shirt in his hands, hesitating, but his eyes softened as soon as he looked back at you and your raised eyebrows – like you were challenging him to just try and refuse you.

But how could he, when you looked so pretty lying in his bed and demanding to have him close to you? How could he ever deny you anything?

With a defeated sigh, Joel started putting the t-shirt back on, but the sound of you humming in protest stopped him. Your face was grumpy when he glanced up.

“Nah. No shirt.” You extended your hand in his direction, making a grabbing motion. “Come here.”

Joel didn’t move. “Why?”

You rolled your eyes and dramatically flopped down onto the pillows, looking up at him with an adorable pout.

“Because it’s been a long time since I got a chance to admire my handsome, sexy man,” you answered with sincerity, and then grinned. “Now come here. If you ditch your shirt, I’ll consider ditching mine.”

He still didn’t move. You were patient, but when it became clear that he wasn’t going to do anything, you sent him a small, sweet smile. “If you get cold again, I promise to do something about it, love.”

Joel physically felt his heart softening at your words and at the sight of you.

With a silent sigh – and only a split second of hesitation – he took off the t-shirt and quickly laid down on his back next to you. He felt a bile rise in his throat, though he had no idea why, and it became almost choking when you shifted closer to him, putting one hand on his chest.

“You’ve deprived me of this beautiful view for too long,” you whispered, kissing the place below his collarbone, and then going up to the base of his neck. “I missed seeing you like this.”

“There’s nothin’ to miss,” Joel muttered, not moving a single muscle. He had his hands entwined on his stomach and to look in your direction was the biggest effort anyone could demand from him now. “We sleep next to each other every night, sweetheart.”

“You know what I mean,” you breathed into his neck, leaving love bites wherever your lips strayed. “You’re going out so early these days. And you work late.”

“Patrols,” Joel grunted with gritted teeth, his muscles tense and breathing ragged as your warm palm caressed his waist. “Sorry.”

“You work too hard, love.” You sat up and swung one of your legs over his lap. Joel actually shivered when you took his hands in your own and placed them on your hips. “Let me help you relax.”

Oh, fuck.

Jesus fucking Christ, Joel was sure he was going to drop dead at any second now.

“Darlin’…” he began, but you made a noise in your throat and leaned in to kiss him deeply, pressing your body to his. Joel loved when you initiated those moments between you two, and you looked so fucking hot sitting on top of him – but for the life of him, he could not relax.

“It hits me every once in a while how lucky I am to have you,” you whispered in such a sweet, adoring voice, like you didn’t hear him. You pressed your lips against his stubble again, igniting every inch of his skin with your touch. “Let me enjoy you. I love you so much, you know that?”

“I…”

I love you, too.

Lord, he loved you so much. Why was it so hard to return your affections, then? Why did he feel like the biggest crook by letting you love him?

Joel let out a shuddering sigh he didn’t know he was holding when you pressed your lips to the edge of his jaw, before capturing his mouth in a kiss. It was sweet, but heated at the same time and, without even thinking about it, he found himself wrapping his strong arms around you, bringing you closer to his chest. You smiled against his lips and murmured something he didn’t quite catch.

A groan escaped him when you bit his lower lip lightly, your soft palm going down, from his chest, to his stomach, down…

He couldn’t do it.

Joel abruptly rose to the sitting position and grabbed your wrist, his eyes sad and painful.

“I’m sorry, baby” he said with furrowed brows, gently setting you aside and off his lap, before standing up quickly. “I’m so sorry, babygirl, I love you, I promise, but I can’t… I don’t feel good today. I’m sorry.”

“Joel…” you started, but he shook his head, putting his t-shirt back on and turning away from you not to let you see the absolute wrecked expression on his face and wetness in his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he kept saying, feeling like he’s about to throw up from the nerves and the burning shame. He cursed himself internally, wanting to turn around, to take your face in his hands and kiss you deeply, but he… he... “I’m so…”

All strength left him in a blink of an eye and suddenly he slumped on the bed, hiding his face in his hands. Joel desperately tried to get a grip on himself, but his chest felt so tight, and all the worry, all the guilt and fear, and self-loathing came crashing down on him all at once.

“M’sorry, darlin’,” he whispered hoarsely, his lips trembling and that damn muscle in his cheek pulsing when he felt the mattress dipping and your tentative touch on his face.

“No, no, baby, it’s alright,” you started saying quietly, trying to take his cheeks in your hands, but he didn’t let you. “Oh, Joel… Come here.”

You gently pulled him into your arms, guiding his head to rest in the crook of your neck. Joel hid his face in your skin, realizing with dread that his own shoulders were shaking.

For God’s sake, he needed to stop, he needed to put himself together and not show any weakness–

But it was you. It was your warm embrace and your loving hands brushing his hair, and your quiet whispers while you held him. It was your kindness and understanding, and stubbornness coming from love. You weren’t someone he had to hide from.

So he let you in. He let you hold him.

“Joel, please. Talk to me,” you spoke up after some time, and though your tone was soft, it somehow sounded too loud in the silence of the room. “I need to know what’s going on with you, you’re worrying me.”

“Nothin’ is goin’ on,” he answered out of habit, not even moving a muscle. “I just… fuck, sorry.”

“Stop apologizing and talk to me.�� Joel pursed his lips, while you massaged his back gently. “Whatever it is, we’re gonna get through it together, okay? It’s gonna be okay, love, I promise.”

He planned on telling you. He wanted to tell you and get it off his chest, but… he wasn’t ready. Not now. Not when he broke down in front of you, for fuck’s sake.

But you deserved to know. If not to help him, then at least to make you aware of what you’ve gotten yourself into. It wasn’t fair to keep you in the dark and at arm’s length because of his absurd fears.

He wetted his lips and inhaled softly, but no words came out.

You gently lifted his head and Joel immediately squeezed his eyes shut, knowing there was no way he’d be able to say anything if he looked at you.

“You can tell me, baby,” you whispered sadly, touching the side of his face. “Anything. I promise everything will be alright.”

Joel was silent for a couple of moments, before he swallowed and took a deep breath, trying to calm down his pounding heart.

“I don’t have any extra work,” he started very quietly, so his voice wouldn’t break. “I was lyin’ to you, and I… I’m so sorry about that. I don’t get sent on any patrols now, actually…”

He shook his head and sighed heavily, faltering. He knew that wasn’t the problem, and although lying to you was one of the things he was guilty of, it wasn’t what started all of it. And you must’ve known it, too, because you kept looking at him, not saying anything.

“The thin’ is, I… God dammit,” he murmured, turning his head away from you and hiding his face in his hands, still keeping his eyes closed. “I can’t… I don’t– I have a problem with myself,” he finally blurted out, not even caring now if you understood his muffled words. “I keep…”

Fuck, man, just say it.

“I’m… I’m not as fit as I used to be,” he murmured, not moving an inch in fear that you’ll spot the wetness on his eyelashes. “I don’t want to do you harm, darlin’, keepin’ you from… Jesus, I don’t know. From livin’ your life, happily and to the fullest.”

“Joel…” You whispered with pain in your voice. “Is this what it is about?”

Joel shook his head, letting out a shuddering breath, still as quietly as he could.

“I’m old,” he said with tiredness he didn’t know he had in himself. “And you… You’re so pretty and young, I…” He lowered his forehead onto his hand, rubbing his temple. “I would like nothin’ more than to spend the rest of my life with you, darlin’. But I’m afraid I’m not… not good for you. You could do so much better–”

“Hey. Hey, none of that.” You forced his hands away from his face by cradling it in your own palms. “There’s no one else I’d rather share my days with.”

Joel just shut his eyes tighter, trying to contain the tears that started to gather in them.

“I know, sweetheart,” he whispered. “But in a couple of years I’ll be… God, I’ll be fuckin’ sixty, and you–”

“Do you really think I care about that?” you asked softly, brushing your thumbs under his eyes, but he shook his head, like you didn’t understand. “Joel, I love you more than anything in this world. And I know you love me.” He heard the faintest smile in your voice, and it made him feel so, so terrible with himself – that you were trying to make him feel better when you shouldn’t have, he shouldn’t have been another one of your worries… “So where’s the problem? I want to be with you. Only you.”

Joel pressed his lips together and before he could stop himself, he draped his arms over his lap, like he was trying to hide the evidence of his insecurities from you, even though his torso was already covered by the t-shirt.

“You’re young and beautiful,” he repeated, still unable to find strength in himself to look you in the eye. “And I’m anythin’ but. I just don’t wanna…”

Joel didn’t know what else to say.

He didn’t want you to leave. He didn’t want to spend another night apart from you. He didn’t want to push you away.

“Just don’t want you to be unhappy,” he finally murmured.

You let out something between a short chuckle and a stifled sob, and your fingers found Joel’s, still wrapped around his stomach.

“Do I look unhappy to you?” you asked, almost in disbelief. Joel finally willed himself to glance at you, if only to see for himself – which turned out to be a mistake. Your eyes were sad and teary, but not full of hurt or distaste like he feared, and you still had this faint smile on your face. He quickly turned his head away and you must’ve realized how you looked because your hold on his fingers tightened slightly. “Not right now. In general, did I ever do something to make you think I’m not happy with you?”

“No,” he answered quietly, not even having to think about it. “But it doesn’t…”

“I told you before, how can I even look at anyone else when I have you?” you spoke up when he faltered. “You’re beautiful to me, Joel, even if you don’t believe me right now. You’re amazing and kind, you’re fucking hot, and yeah, maybe you’re stubborn at times, but I love you so much, and every day I find another reason to fall for you all over again.”

Joel met your eyes again, looking for any hesitation or deceit – but he didn’t find any. As always, you were sincere in everything you said.

He realized, with another wave of tears threatening to roll down his cheeks, how much he missed your affection that he alone deprived himself from. How much he longed for this intimacy that once came so easily to him.

“M’sorry,” he muttered at last, lifting his hand to your face and trying to ignore those damn tears spilling from behind his eyelids. “Never doubted you, babygirl, but I just didn’t know how… how to tell you.”

“It’s okay, Joel,” you nuzzled your cheek into his palm, planting a kiss on the inside of his hand. “It’s alright, c’mon here.”

Not letting go of his hand, you tugged him gently and leaned back on the pillows. With great effort he refrained from fighting you, and instead let you pull him down, laying his head on your chest.

And in an instant, everything was alright again. The moment Joel heard your heartbeat under his ear and felt your gentle hands on the nape of his neck and his back… it was like coming home. This feeling of warmth spreading across his limbs made him feel safe for the first time in weeks.

It was so long since he fully let you hold him.

Maybe that’s what he’s been missing.

“I adore you, Joel Miller,” you whispered into the top of his head, holding him close to your heart. “All of you, and just the way you are.”

Joel couldn’t help it – a small smile crept onto his lips.

“Called it,” he murmured. “You’re gettin’ sappy.”

You snorted and kissed his hairline. “I think you need it, handsome.”

“Maybe I do,” he conceded, not moving his head from your chest, and sighed tiredly. “Dammit, missed holdin’ you like this, babygirl. M’so sorry.”

“Don’t be,” you countered, but he continued.

“I just didn’t know how to talk about it… How to tell you that I feel bad. About… the way I look.”

Joel felt your hands on his cheeks, and although he really didn’t want to move from the position he was in, he let you lift his head.

“I love the way you look,” you said quietly, in a tone that made Joel’s old heart flutter. “And our bodies change, there’s nothing wrong with that. If anything, I’m really happy that both of us can enjoy this kind of life.” You leaned in and nudged Joel’s nose with yours, closing your eyes. “Every change of our bodies is a sign that we’re finally safe after all we’ve been through. 

“But you look gorgeous as ever, sweet girl.”

“M’glad to hear it, Mr Miller,” you teased, but then your smile turned wistful. “But you know, I was insecure about my looks, too, not sure if you noticed. My stomach and thighs, and,” you rolled your eyes, “well, my butt.”

Normally Joel would throw a playful remark, or try to make you giggle, but this time he stayed silent. He just listened to your soft voice, drinking in your features.

“It worried me for some time. But you still put your hand on my leg when I was sitting with you, and you never shied away from telling and showing me,” you stressed this word, a teasing note in your tone, “how much you like my body.”

“‘Course I do,” he murmured quietly, lifting himself on his elbows and leaning over you despite your huffs and efforts to keep him in place.

“So I thought that maybe you didn’t care about this extra weight, or even didn’t–”

The rest of your words were swallowed by Joel’s lips when he kissed you deeply and hungrily. So many strong emotions were swirling inside his chest, he didn’t know anymore what to do with himself. At first you tried to continue your train of thought, but soon gave up, erupting into giggles when Joel latched his lips onto your neck and wrapped his arms around you in an attempt to bring you in even closer.

“I didn’t care,” he was whispering into your skin, leaving a trail of wet kisses in his wake. “I don’t.”

“Then you see– Joel, stop it!” You squealed when he carried on with his assault, not giving you a second to gather your thoughts.

“M’so lucky to have you,” he whispered while peppering your face in soft kisses. “Thank you, babygirl.”

You finally managed to free your arms, and you cupped his face in your hands with a huge grin that Joel decided he wanted to see every day. Another adorable giggle escaped you when he snuggled his scratchy cheek into your palm.

“I know it will take time,” you said gently, but firmly, looking deep into his eyes. “But no matter how long it’ll take, I will make you understand how incredibly attracted I am to you.” Joel hung his head low to hide a bashful snigger, and your smile grew. “Understand?”

“Yeah, yeah. Understood, ma’am.”

“Good.” You pulled him closer to plant a slow kiss on his lips, and asked seductively: “I can start right now, if you’d want to. I don’t want my handsome man to feel insecure about any part of him.”

God, he loved you so much.

Joel hid his face in the crook of your neck again, his heart squeezing with adoration and disbelief at how it came that he’d been blessed with someone like you.

“Y’know what, sweetheart? I think it’d do me good.”

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us #joel miller #joel miller x y/n #joel tlou #i will actually be taking a break because i have uni stuff to do which i REALLY neglected on behalf of this fic #i really got carried away with this one and the final scene took me so long to write omg #i really tried to approach this topic with respect and understanding and i very much hope it's alright #soft joel miller #joel miller fluff #the last of us fic

[gotham-daydreams]

Not [ ]

A platonic Yandere Batfam series.

(I need a better name for this series-)

[General Warnings: Mentions of Neglect, No one is having a good time, Angst, Usual Yandere Tendencies]

Parts

Part 1 (Not Tonight)

Part 2 (Not Here)

Part 3 (in the works...) [Teaser/Sneak Peak]

Part 4 (coming soon)

Asks

How do Damian, Babs, and Steph become Yandere for the reader (with more details on Tim)

How did the Reader Get Adopted

(Before Pt.3) How Will the BatFam Find the Reader, How Would The Reader Do In One-On-One Fights With the BatFam, and How Would A Kidnapping Go (a non-canon one)

Damian is the Most Forgivable

What Would Happen if the Reader Wasn't In Gotham?

Is it Possible for a Villian to Become Obsessed with the Reader Like the Batfam

(Before Pt.3) Discussion on How Y/n Feels

Ruining the Batfam's Reputation By Shitting On Them in an Interview with Louis Lane

(Winning Over Louis Means That Clark Kent's Seal of Approval is Removed)

The Reader and Batfam Sitting Down to Talk About Their Issues, but Harley Quinn is Their Therapist

Alfred is Kind Of the Mastermind

(He's just too good.)

(How far has he gone.)

(Why didn't he do anything before the reader left.)

([Generally] What would happen if the Reader saw/referred to Alfred as their Dad/something similar to that.)

What is Reader's Age

(Before Pt. 4) Would the Roomate Help the Reader?

Would The Roomate Help + Do They Know Batfam's Identities?

Some Members of the Batfam Being Able to Play Instruments with the Reader

(Before Pt. 4) Batfam Trying to Manipulate Reader Into Coming Back Home On Their Own

What if Reader wasn't a Overachiever

What Would Happen if Reader Snapped, and the Batfam Found Out About Their Life Much Sooner

(Before Pt.4) How Resistant Would Reader Be to Getting Kidnapped, and Would They Try to Escape

How Would the Batfam React to Reader Going Insane

How Would the Batfam React if the Reader Escaped and Went Off the Radar for a Few Weeks, and Would They Actually Be Able to Achieve This?

If the Reader Tried to Give Being a Vigilante a Try, but Their First Attempt Goes Wrong

How Would the Batfam Celebrate the Reader's Birthday When They're Kidnapped

Has the Reader Made a Song for Batman

#platonic yandere batfam #yandere batfam #gn reader #sibling reader #yandere dc #yandere x gn reader #platonic yandere #neglected reader #yandere alfred #yandere batman #yandere jason todd #yandere dick grayson #yandere tim drake #yandere damian wayne #yandere cassandra cain #yandere bruce wayne

[houseofoddballs]

Fuck it. Trauma bond Ghoap with a forgotten reader because all I can write is angst. Final word count is about 3,700, enjoy! Sorry about the lackluster ending and fair warning that Soap is a bit of a dick and fairly OOC.

Tw: Emptional neglect, light nsfw, mentions of torture. (Tell me if there are any more to add!)

You had never heard of trauma bonding, not before your 6'2 masked boyfriend brought back his Scottish best friend. Ghost was never one to be shy or sheepish, but the way that he bowed his head as he told you that he had fallen in love with Soap during their capture and torture, well, it broke your heart a bit. You thought that was going to be the end of it, that he was going to choose the mowhawked muscle over you (and you couldn't really blame him after the small tidbits about the incident you had heard) but then Ghost dropped to one knee and held your hands in his own as he looked you dead in the eyes and begged you not to make him choose, because he still loved you too. And how were you supposed to turn him down?

So, that's how you ended up living with two discharged military men. At first, things were a little rocky. You and Soap were getting along and getting to know each other after all. You weren't exactly dating Soap, but the threesomes made it hard to understand what exactly you were. Polygamy? It didn't matter, though, because Ghost was the one you loved. Ghost was the man who had stolen your heart and treated it like a golden retriever treats eggs. Gently, softly, sweetly. And you had done your best to do the same.

But Soap? Soap was... different. Where Simon was quiet and calm, Soap was loud and boisterous. Where Simon was introverted and kept to himself, Soap was ambiverted (at best) and loved social media. They were like night and day in a lot of ways, and it made your head spin. Another difference? Soap was SO *clingy*.

It was ok at first. Apparently, Simon and Soap had been captured for nearly a week and took turns watching each other get tortured. In the dead of night, when they got any reprieve, they spent that time whispering sweet words to each other just to keep them level-headed and alive. Trauma bonding. Ghost and Soap were bound to be connected at the hip for at least a bit. Right?

Well, 'just a bit' turned into months. Inseparable. You couldn't get five seconds alone with your boyfriend unless Soap was in the bathroom because he refused to do anything without Ghost.

That would have been OK if you didn't see how much it was wearing on your sweet Simon. Any time you got a minute alone together, he would gently hold your face and apologize to you. Murmur to you with his brows knit up about how exhausting Soap could be and how soothing your quiet company was.

He was burnt-out. No other way to put it. In the fleeting moments you got where you could hold Ghost and do things with him, he was simply exhausted and worn-out from Johnny clinging so tightly to him and making him a part of everything in his life. Simon was definitely an introvert, and hardly ever got time to recharge those batteries on touch and the like.

So what did you do? You gave him space. The time you got to spend alone was spent at a distance, small conversations about the things that interested Ghost, since Soap hardly ever talked about those. You had asked why Johnny was still here if he was really making Ghost so miserable, and all he had told you was that he couldn't leave Johnny, couldn't hurt him. So, you relented and just tried to be supportive. You could be happy like this.

Except you weren't. One can only live on table scraps for so long, but you were willing to try for Ghost, and even for Soap. So when Johnny told Simon that it was irritating how little alone time the two of them got because you were always hanging around and asked him to have a talk with you about it, what did he do? Well, he didn't defend you, that's for sure.

Groceries. How pathetic. Soap finally let you and Ghost get *Groceries* together, just the two of you, and your heart utterly soared. Just you and Simon, for possibly an hour. How long had it been since you could do this? How long had it been since you had even hugged or been hugged by your boyfriend? You had no idea.

But all of that went cold as you finished loading your haul into the trunk. Simon turned to you, dark eyes peeking out from behind his Skull balaclava that he only took off at home. He looked so tired, so exhausted.

"Listen, love... Johnny-..." You froze. Of course, you should have known better. No way Soap would let you and Ghost go somewhere together alone while he just sat at home scrolling through short clips on his phone. Of course, there was a condition, a caviot. But this was Simon, your Ghost, so you heard him out. "Johnny was wondering if you could... give us a bit more space. He feels like he doesn't get enough alone time with me. I'm sorry, love, I promise that I'll make it up to you."

If your heart hadn't sunk into your stomach, you would have had to resist the urge to laugh. Soap wasn't getting enough time with Ghost? The same Soap who had been draining every ounce of willpower out of Ghost until your strong-willed Simon was just complacent? The same Soap who drug Simon wherever he went and whined when you wanted to come with? The same Soap who had kicked you out of your shared room for reasons that you still don't know how he convinced Simon? And yet, he didn't get enough alone time with Simon.

You wanted to scream, to cry, to do or say anything to fight back. But one more look into Simon's weary, amber eyes shut down all of your complaints. He was slowly being worn down, and you didn't know what you could do to help. So, you just nodded.

The entire drive back was silent. At some point, you had reached over and gently held Simon's hand on the center console to let him know that you weren't mad, and he had let you. Your first physical contact with Simon in ages. You helped carry in and put away the groceries, acutely aware of Soaps eyes boring into and watching you for your next move, and then you simply retreated to your room. Alone.

That night, you had to listen as the two made love. Headboard banging against the wall, soft moans permeating through your headphones and into your ears, vibrations buzzing and echoing through the halls. You cred that night, just like so many other nights.

You were being forgotten, forced into invisibility in your own house.

And that's how so many months passed by. With you hiding away in your room and only coming out to eat or eagerly take Johnny's table scraps of Ghost's time. But Ghost hardly ever got any time to himself, so, sometimes you would just let him be and relax. Maybe it was simply time for you to move on.

That's when the texts came. Any time Johnny was gracious enough to give Ghost a moment of peace and you either didn't know or just let him relax, he would text you. "Johnny's still at work." "I miss you, love." "I'm on the couch." "Come see me?"

He was making you feel loved, needed even. Even though most of that time spent was him complaining about Soap, every time he would look at you with those soft brown heart melting eyes and thank you for being so understanding and supportive. He would tell you that he loved you so much and that you didn't know how much having you there kept him sane. And how could you leave him like that?

You wished that you had made Simon choose. Nearly five years of this neglect. Simon was so physically overstimulated by Johnny's constant need to be touching him, that something as small as resting your hand on his thigh made him irritable. Johnny would openly complain about you right in front of you, and Ghost would just sigh and let Johnny think he was having his way because it was better than fighting and dealing with Johnny being bitter and whiny.

It was fucking torture. Do you know what that's like? To be slowly isolated and forgotten in your own household? Yes, you do. Because Johnny has made sure of that. Are you going out too much? Johnny is complaining. Are you working too much? Johnny is complaining. You watch too many shows with them? Johnny is complaining. It was getting to the point where you only left your room to eat and when Simon texted you, period. Soap had insisted that with him and Ghost working civilian jobs, you should stay home to keep things tidy and make life a little easier. All it had taken was for Ghost to agree that that would make things easier for you to relent since your job wasn't the best anyway. But the pure isolation that you felt from only interacting with the two of them unless Johnny was gracious enough to let you come with them on an errand?

It was debilitating.

Finally, everything came to a head. "Hey Johnny, would you go to the corner store and pick up some soda?" "Would you come with?" "I would have bloody come with three hours ago right after work. Now I'm in my fuckin' pajamas. Not goin' anywhere like this." "Well, you know I dinnae like going right after work, Simon."

This was your opportunity, your chance. Soap was nose deep in some book he was reading and only half paying attention while you sat next to Simon on the couch, his feet propped up on your lap.

"I would go with you?" Simon's eyes flicked to you, a small smile pulling at his lips. "Yeah, love, that would be great. Mind makin' a list for me so I know what all we need to pick up?" A task. You loved when Simon gave you things to do, because whith those things to do was always some form of praise or appreciation upon completion. You ate it up whole and completely. "Of course, Si. I'll be ready by five tomorrow." "It's a date then, love."

And so, that's how you flitted around the house all day, straightening up and making a list of what you needed, absolutely giddy and buzzing wirh hopeless excitement. Soap got home early that day, which wasn't much of a shock, just made you retreat into your room early. Nothing new. Simon would text you when he was ready, right?

You sat by your phone eagerly with baited breath. 5:30. You guessed that work had kept Simon late again. It wasn't that big of a deal. But you sent him a text just to let him know that you hadn't forgotten about him. "I'm ready whenever you get off work, no rush. I love you."

5:30 turned to 6:00 and that's when you finally got the message. "I'm here." Short, sweet, to the point. That was Simon for you. You practically threw yourself off of your bed and ran to the garage with a large grin on your face. Even if it was as simple as groceries, you cherished every moment of time you got with Simon as if it were spending time with God himself. Because, in a way, Simon was your God. You looked up to him, depended on him, revered him, practically worshipped the ground he walked on; because he deserved it in your eyes.

Your grin fell at the sight before you. "Oh, hey Bonnie." Soap was hopping out of the passenger seat of Ghost's Jeep, going around to the trunk and popping it to pull out several grocery bags. Hurt, confusion, and betrayal all pooled together in your gut as you watched him take the bags inside all in one go. But, what about your list? Your phone felt heavier in your pocket as your stomach churned at the realization that to bring up the completion of the task would be pointless now.

"Hop in." Ghosts voice shook you from your haze, and you slowly took Soap's empty seat beside Ghost. Why? The question swam through your head in several versions and variations, like fish in a barrel, trying desperately to find the freedom to burst forth from your lips. But, you just couldn't ask, too afraid of the answer.

"Where do you want to go?" The question almost caught you off-guard. Where did you want to go? Did he mean Groceries? Were there some left? Or did he mean just in general? Was he offering to do something with you? "I um, I don't know." You admitted, eyes flicking between Simon and the road.

"...'M sorry love." He admitted with a sigh, shoulders sagging with the weight of the world placed upon them. "There was a bit of a mix-up, ya see? I got home and texted Johnny to ask if he would ask if you were coming-" Of course, the plan had been to bring Soap all along. That hurt a bit. "- and he told me 'no' so I thought he meant that you didn't want to come."

"I didn't get your message until we were already in the bloody market, and when I asked Johnny about it, he told me that he had told me that he didn't ask you. I felt so plum bad because I knew that you wanted to come with. 'M so sorry, love."

You were so close to losing it. Hot tears stung at your eyes, but you refused to let them fall when Simon was trying so hard, going so far as to take you for an extra drive just to make sure you had some time with him and felt loved.

"I already told Johnny, so he knows that I'm spending some time with you. Tried to throw a fit, but I shut him down." Simon sighed and ran a hand down his mask as he looked over at you while stopped at a red light. "It's ok, Simon, really. I'm just happy to spend this time together with you. That's all I can ask for. Even though you're tired after work and going for groceries, you're still taking the time to make it up to me even though it wasn't your fault. I really appreciate it."

Simon didn't pull away as you clasped his hand in your own, softly running your fingers over the back of his knuckles. He looked so grateful and relieved, as if so much pressure had just been released. He had been so worried about how you were going to take it, about if this small bit of time would be enough.

"Thank you, love. You have no idea how much I appreciate you and how-" Simon was cut off by a loud click and a light being turned on on his dashboard. "Bloody hell, check engine? I'm so sorry. It doesn't seem too big a deal, but I should probably check it out before it becomes an issue. Is that OK, love?"

What were you supposed to say? 'No!' 'For the first time in months, I get some time alone with you, and it's just 20 minutes in a car!?' 'I miss you' 'please don't!' You couldn't. Simon was tired enough as it was with Soap clinging to him. You simply felt dejected as you tried to smile and reassure him that it was ok and that you enjoyed your time together.

When you got home, Simon muttered about checking the engine tomorrow as he herded you inside, plopping down on the couch next to Soap. The sight made your heart hurt even more. You were ready to just head to your cold, lonely room to cry out your frustration when Simon piped up. "Hey, love, mind cooking up some chips for me? I'm bloody starving, and they sound wonderful."

How could you say no? Sitting in your kitchen waiting for the French fries to bake, you couldn't do it anymore. You sobbed quietly into your open palm as you clasped your hand over your mouth to quiet any noises. What were you supposed to do? Staying was only wearing you down and tearing you apart. You felt more like the ghost in this household, forgotten and lost. You were losing yourself, touch starved beyond belief and to the point of isolation where you were starting to sleep more than you were awake because it made the pain go away for a bit.

But leaving would be just as hard. You hadn't been employed for so long because the boys took care of you, which wasn't going to look good on a resume, and you had nowhere to go. But worst of all?

Worst of all was how you knew your leaving would affect Simon. Johnny was consuming all of him and leaving mere shreds, and the only time that Ghost got to indulge in his own interests was with you. But he just couldn’t bring himself to leave Johnny. You were his support system, his pillar.

You knew this, and yet, it still felt so unfair. Simon was everything to you. When you had been at your worst, he had held you and told you that you were beautiful. When he had been deployed for months at a time, you always texted him and told him how much you loved and missed him. He gave all of himself that he had to give to you before Soap came and statched that all away.

And you couldn't blame Simon for how badly the trauma had messed him up! He still had nightmares about that week. Being tortured and having to watch Soap get tortured as well. Sometimes, you would wake up in the middle of the night to one of them screaming and waking up on a picnic only for the other to softly murmur and reassure them that they were ok and alive. You couldn't do that, not for Simon, not like Soap could.

A sharp 'ding' cut off your thoughts as the oven beeped, signaling the end of the potato strings furnace treatment. You pulled them out of the oven and put them on a plate, heading to the bathroom to clean yourself up. The time for your little mental breakdown was up. Now you had to go take the fries to Simon like you weren't just bawling, like you were perfectly fine and happy, like you didn't want to scream and shout and beg for things to be different, to change. But that would be selfish of you to do, and Simon couldn't deal with you and Soap both being selfish.

God, you looked like shit. Bags were heavy under your puffy eyes, your nose was red and runny, your face all splochy from your crying, tear streaks running down your cheeks. This wouldn't do. You sighed as you splashed some cold water on your face and took a deep breath, trying desperately to distance yourself and disassociate from these awful feelings.

Once you were sure you looked fine once more, you towled your face off and grabbed the plate, plastering on your 'I'm fine' smile as you took the french fries to Ghost. The way he smiled so softly and gently at you made it all worth it, made you temporarily forget all of that pain. "Thank you, love. You're welcome to stay?"

"No, thank you, I think I'm going to try and catch up in some games. Thank you, though." Ghost didn't press any, didn't ask again. You wished he would ask again, would even try just a bit to make you feel like he loved you a shred as much as you revered him. But you had to remind yourself that you were getting greedy. He had just taken you for a car ride just the two of you, he had just stood up to Soap so you two could have a bit of time alone, he had just done exactly what you were asking him for. And yet you still wanted more.

The realization that you felt terrible for wanting the bare minimum amount of attention and affection for a relationship was just another reminder of how unhealthy this was for you.

"I love you." Simon said, his eyes so soft and sweet. "I love you too." You had to hold back tears as your smile grew a little bit, and you turned. You couldn't even wait until you made it back to your room to start crying. It wasn't fair. You did everything right, did everything Simon asked, and asked nothing in return, you loved him unconditionally with all of your heart and gave all of yourself to him; meanwhile Soap didn't even care enough to give Simon personal space when they were together because it made HIM feel better. And yet, Soap was the one who got all of Simon's time and love simply because it was easier for Simon to cave to his whims than put up with his bitching. You couldn't handle it anymore! Couldn't take it!

But what were you supposed to do? What could you do? Nothing. The only thing you could do was throw a fit, and that would just wear Simon even thinner and wouldn't accomplish anything because things would be the same again within a month.

And so, you did the only thing you could do. You fell asleep crying again, clutching your pillow to your chest, wishing desperately that Simon would finally come to his senses and put you first for once. But you didn't fool yourself into believing it.

Only shooting stars Grant wishes, and all of yours had been shot down.

#soap cod #ghost cod #cod x reader #call of duty #ghost call of duty #soapghost #john soap mactavish #ghost #simon ghost riley #ghost mw2 #simon ghost x reader #ghost x reader #ghost x soap #trauma #neglect #angst #emotional turmoil #sorry this took so long #its actually very heavily inspired by my own issues right now #trying to get out of a bad situation #but its ok #i'll live #i hope you all have a wonderful day #kutie writes #my work #my writing #ghoap

[onmyyan]

Well, the best work, or writing in this case, is done in collaboration with others amirite? The prev ask responding to my ask got my gears turnin and taking a break from writing by writing helps my creative juices flowin

When reader starts out they may have had their fair share of run ins with Catwoman, Harley, and Poison Ivy in their own way. But that was when they were a small fry, certainly not noticeable to their old family much less the femme fatales of Gotham.

It isn’t till they begin to rise from the dredges of Gotham that the three begin to take notice.

For Selena Kyle, she’s an opportunist at heart. She’s not wholly evil nor is she wholly good. At the end of the day she just wants to bathe in the lap of luxury with her feline friends and if that means introducing herself to reader, the hottest thing since sliced bread, and getting in their good graces then so be it.

What she didn’t expect was recognizing that pretty voice from months ago when some goodie two-shoes stopped her from stealing a diamond ring from Cairo. Sure, it was going to be auctioned for some stupid thing like newly paved streets or whatever but Selena could care less.

She was a rooftop type of gal anyway.

At the end of the day though, Ms. Kyle is a professional, that means bygones can be bygones for the right price.

What she doesn’t expect is just how profitable it is to take down the baddies. After all, the Gotham black market alone brings in millions- billions of dollars every year through illicit goods. Untold wealth stolen from museums and the wealthy sold to the highest bidder, reader sometimes playing the role of a seller, sometimes the role of a buyer.

But always coming out on top.

It’s a stroke of genius too, when reader hires Selena for a job, at first it makes sense. You want a painting stolen from some corrupt politician? Get Catwoman to do it. What truly confused her though is why you wanted her to put back the damn thing in the basement of the guys place a week later.

Turns out, art insurance companies are more vicious than one might think, and art insurance fraud can get you a lifetime in prison… and forfeiture of all your assets.

Assets you could happily sweep up on the dime now that that pesky obstacle was out of the way.

For Selena you aren’t just an adorable kitten flaring out her claws for the first time, but a beautiful independent woman just like her. And ladies ought to stay together in a town like Gotham, right?

At least, that’s what she’s telling herself…

Harley is much quicker to warm up to reader. She sees herself so much in the up and coming super villain. How many times has she gone to Arkham or sacrificed some part of herself for the Joker? How many times as she tried to appease the sociopath only to be ignored or even worse, have her efforts thrown into her face?

Speaking of faces, thing about being a brilliant psychologist means that she can be good with recognizing faces. She certainly recognized yours ages ago when the tabloids talked about a Wayne kid that left the nest early, paparazzi all vying to get a shot or two of the illusive member of the dynasty.

You were a rich kid, but seeing you now certainly could convince anyone otherwise. Harley sees that fire in your eyes, the emptiness and the hurt she long ago overcame to be her own woman in this town.

It runs through her head like a list when she analyzes reader’s movement. Symptoms of childhood neglect vary, naturally, but reader has the tell tale distrust in strangers and aversion to affection that has Harley’s mind buzzing with theories and thoughts, lots of thoughts.

It’s interesting to see when teaming up with reader to spread some chaos, the idea of using controlled unrest in rich neighborhoods to lower housing costs brilliant in her mind. Plus, rich suckers get to suck so why not?

Seeing reader like that just sparks something fierce in her. Maybe it’s a remnant of her more humane side, of the old doctor and psychologist, but she’s determined to be by your side like it or not.

You’re partners now, Puddin. You pinkie swore when teaming up so there’s no stopping now!

Pamela is honestly a whole lot harder to warm to reader. She’s a solo act for the most part, an antisocial eco terrorist that barely has friends outside of Harley and … Selena, but even the jury’s out on that one sometimes.

Her connection with nature makes her jaded with the vile parasites that walk about the street, the news of a new crime lord making the woman roll her eyes dismissively. New crime in Gotham? Please, be for real.

It’s only when Harley comes barreling into her greenhouse babbling on and on about reader that Pamela realizes maybe she ought to take a second look.

Who knew doing “good” as you put it, would involve her world so much. The plan was simple, destroy a few gas stations and car parks, break into some oil or gas executive event and make owning a car in Gotham all the more painful.

Growing pains according to reader.

Then with all the slush funds reader has, fund and develop a robust subway and bus system. Less cars, less subsidies, less pollution.

It was simply a coincidence that the reader had started a company specializing in public transport mere weeks ago, promise! And what’s more, building these tunnels meant that there’d be a perfect opportunity to carve out secret bases, paths, and caches all around the city. And as the system spread, making travel more green and efficient, so would your influence.

If you kept your thinking like that then… just maybe, Pamela might stick around more (Oh who is she kidding, the moment Harley was down for you Pamela would undoubtedly be there for her friend and you lol)

Incredible addition omfg??!?! I adore the way your mind works omgggg

Literally perfect I love your characterization of the sirens so much sjsksks

#yananswers #yandere batfamily #neglected reader #villain reader

[whispereons]

Oracle!Reader Part 19

Masterlist - Part 1, Part 18, Part 20

Warning! This chapter has child abuse, neglect, racism/classism and other sensitive topics! This is a imposter sagau so expect these things frequently. Attention! This chapter is extra long as it deals with Y/N's past and present. But I don't want to force a backstory that you guys might not want. Therefore you can read and choose what part of the backstory you want to be 'canon' for your Y/N. Whether be all, parts or none of it. It's your choice.

Your earliest memory was of a hospital. A vase of dying daisies, a child-sized bedding and a window slightly cracked to let in the night breeze were the only things you remember from that day.

A nurse gently knocked before walking in without looking up from the papers in his hands. 

"How are you feeling today Y/N? I hope you aren't suffering from nightma-Oh! You're awake!"

The brief exclamation from the startled nurse pieced you in that you weren't supposed to be awake. Or maybe, you haven't been awake for a long time?

Dry cracked lips wheeze out your small plea. "W-Water…" Coming back to himself, the nurse adhered to your request and brought the cup to your lips.

It was a cool relief to your aching throat and the first thing you asked him was.

"Who's Y/N?"

That cup of water and clinically clean blanket was the comfort you had during the next flurry of events.

That day, laying in a bed on the pediatric floor of a hospital, you learned that your parents were dead.

An accident that would have presumably traumatized you had little to no effect on your psyche. When the doctor asked you what happened you didn't have an answer.

You didn't have an answer for most of their questions either. After a series of fruitless questions the doctor and psychiatrist called in, settled on the diagnosis 'Retrograde Amnesia'.

Being stuck in a medically induced coma, you had to relearn how to walk along with other basic info. The photo of your parents, friends and house went ignored on your bedside. Why should you care about people and places you didn't remember? It's not like you were going to go back.

Most of the hospital staff gossiped in poorly concealed whispers as your nurse, Malcohm, walked with you around the floor. It was all the same thing.

"That child's poor parents, to not even be remembered by the one thing left behind."

It didn't bother you much but Malcohm always shooed them away with a scowl. He was kind to you, from helping you remember your name, to remembering what your parents' names were. 

It's not like you didn't remember that you had a name or that you had parents. But all the memories you had of them were gone. All your past experiences were gone too. 

The doctors were relieved to see that your memory loss was only applied to everything before the accident and not after it too. A date to be discharged was decided and a stoic man came to greet you. 

There was no warmth or care in his voice as he introduced himself as Mr. Castio. Not a drop of sympathy as he explained that you would be attending your parent's funeral. That your relatives would be there too, to discuss who would be willing to take you in. All you could do was stare at the newly replaced daisies and nod silently. 

If there was one thing you had relearned during your time at the hospital, it was that adults were to be obeyed. With a sad goodbye to Malcolm, you trailed behind Mr. Castio into the shiny black car.

You sat in the first row dressed in traditional and simple black clothing. Multiple people came up to you apologizing for your 'loss'. With a soft nod, you thanked them and they left satisfied. Mr. Castio had already advised you to not bother explaining the situation.

All your relatives spoke fondly of your parents until it came time to name anything they liked about your parents. The whole room went silent before little hesitant whispers floated around the room.

Seems you weren't the only one that couldn't remember.

The silence only got more unbearable once the topic of who you would be going with came up. Older adults volunteering younger family members while they vehemently denied the position. 

It was only after one uncle asked what would happen to your parents inheritance that greedy stares bombarded you. Picking at the stray fabric of the cushion, you ignored them all.

Mr. Castio clarified that the money would be untouched until you turned eighteen. Immediately, everyone looked away. No one wanted to raise a seven year old to adulthood without any immediate compensation. 

The funeral ended with your parents being incinerated. No one took the urns. It made you wonder why none of your grandparents showed up.

By the end of the day it was your aunt who agreed to foster you. Mr. Castio brought you to your parents house to collect your belongings. 

The house was clean and in order but the slight dust showed that it hasn't had a visitor in a while. Entering your room, you noticed how plain it was. Not a single toy, drawing or other personal object in sight. 

It unnerved you enough that you packed quick enough to not stay any longer. Curiosity poked at you to find out what kind of parents you had but you were more concerned on what your aunt is like.

She had a son and a husband you haven't met during the months you lived there. Her son was rude but never gave you any personal trouble. It was more common for him to throw a tantrum over one thing or another then bother you.

It wasn't an ideal life, but you weren't miserable. You ate three meals, had a bed and had supplies for school. Everything is fine, life is fine.

That thought was repeated as you sat in school with paper being thrown at the back of your head. The teacher ignored the behavior and your aunt repeatedly told you to not cause trouble. Even as you ate a different meal then your cousin and slept in the cramped closet-like room.

It was fine.

Until it wasn't.

A broken picture frame laid on the ground between you and your cousin, the ball he was playing with rolled to the opposite side of the room. When your aunt walked in, he cried and blamed you for it, saying that he told you not to play indoors.

This wasn't your fault and you said as much, but no matter what you said she just shook her head. You laid in bed with an empty stomach as your cousin’s words echoed in your ears.

"You shouldn't have tried to snitch on me."

School got worse with your cousin instigating more bullying against you. The house got tense as your cousin put all his energy into making you miserable. Day after day your aunt looked more and more stressed.

You still couldn't understand why he kept picking on you. There were no plans of revenge or fights, you relatively stayed neutral and passive. Life wasn't fine but you would have stayed like that until you overheard a conversation.

"-yeah, I'm only getting that much money for fostering Y/N. Shitty, right?"

Inelligle sounds came from the telephone in your Aunt's hand as she stored her jewelry. 

"If only my son would stop taking it. He already fights so much with Y/N and I just punish Y/N because a parent should always take their child's side. That child should have just passed away with their parents if they wanted to cause trouble."

Silently, you left back to the closet with the makeshift bed. Staring at the ceiling, you slowly accepted the reality of your situation.

Her wishing you to be dead alongside your parents wasn't the issue. What mattered was that she didn't care about the truth. She knew it was your cousin who started every problem and punished you because you weren’t her kid. 

That night, sleep didn't reach you as you spiraled into plans of vengeance. 

There was no sadness or shock on your face when you eavesdropped on her phone call with Mr. Castio. You merely noted the date that Mr. Castio would pick you up from your Aunts. You always had a feeling she would give you up, it just took longer than expected.

She and your cousin left to go celebrate whatever made-up achievement he lied about. Leaving you, an eight year old, home alone to your devices. If you ignored the list of chores you had to clean for ‘provoking your cousin into hitting you’, of course.

The house was cleaned to perfection when your aunt returned. The door creaked as she peeked in to see you dusting off the bookshelf in the guest room. She left satisfied as you set a book back on the shelf, covering a broken lock.

That night she told you to pack everything as Mr. Castio would be coming the next day. You simply nodded and left the room as your cousin laughed. You smiled too when he began asking what would happen to the money as your Aunt shushed him furiously.

Breakfast was cold as usual the next day, the mocking jeers your cousin spouted rolled off you with no reaction. Rolling his eyes at your ‘tough act’, your cousin scoffed before opening his lips to spout whatever snarky remark he had. Until the door to your Aunt’s room slammed open. She stormed in and whispered-yelled to him while pulling his ear.

You didn't have to hear to know what was said. All you heard next was-

"I didn't take the money!"

She's too mad to shush him and yells back. "Then who did?!" 

He stutters as he glances around the room. His eyes lock onto your stoic face with a frustrated expression.

"It was Y/N, they took it, they took the money!" He points at you as faux tears bubble up, his pathetic little sniffles only earn an annoyed sigh from his mother.

"What money?" You ask, tilting your head. Wide eyed, you stare at them both innocently, confusion emitting from your being all the while.

Mouth agape, your cousin looks back to his mother as she pinches the spot between her eyebrows.  "You're grounded until I get back all the money I lost, or until you return it." 

He tries to argue more but the ring of the doorbell interrupts the argument. Mr. Castio is let in and he merely motions you to follow him. Your aunt leaves the room with more wrinkles than she came in with.

With no goodbye, you grab your bag and walk to the door. Pausing you glance back at your cousin, a wide smirk is clear on your face. His eyes widen as realization sets in but there's nothing more that can be done as you close the door. 

--------------------------------

The sun breaks dawn as a quill scratches against rough paper. The ink is used in elegant strokes as Violetgrass is grounded and packaged. Yellow-slitted eyes read it over once more before folding it and writing the recipient on the exterior. 

Pearly white scales glint with the ray of the sun as the snake is woken up gently. Sleepily, she loops around and climbs the outreach hand to hang around the owner's neck.

"It's merely daybreak, who could be needing medicine so dearly?"

"A fever could kill, you know that as well as I do, Changsheng." A smooth, melodic voice comes from the snake-eyed man as he stands from his desk and walks toward the cabinets. The letter is put into one cabinet and another is opened to obtain an opened vial of medication.

"Herbalist Gui stayed the night to take care of this particular patient so I'll give them the last of the medication so he can go home."

Glasses perched and viridian hair tied up, Baizhu walks into the back room and knocks softly. A tired looking Gui startles as a child sleeps on the bed. Her father is slumped on the bed as he sleeps soundly, his eye bags comparable to Gui's from his many nights spent worrying over his daughter.

"Go home Gui and have a proper rest. This should be the last medication she needs, her fever has lasted over the past few days but she's stable."

"Thank you Dr. Baizhu, I'll get going now. Let me just grab my belongings."

Gui stands from the small stool and ambles around the room quietly to not wake the patient. Baizhu stands at the bedside and pours the medication into an infuser.

A low fire begins to burn as the medication is properly prepared. Soon enough, Gui leaves the room as Baizhu brings the cup to the girl's lips for her to drink. It goes down smoothly and Baizhu turns to retrieve any supplements to aid her when-

"Dr. Baizhu, there's an emergency!"

Gui bangs the door open with a troubled look as the girl stirs and her father wakes up with a start. Baizhu smiles at the father as he takes long strides towards Gui.

Gui wouldn't react this strongly unless there's a real emergency. Baizhu has worked with him long enough to tell when something is out of Gui's expertise or life threatening. 

"I'll need to step out for a while to deal with this. Please keep watching Yiran, I can assure you that she's past any dangerous stages Mr. Kuan."

Kuan nods his head sleepily and stays in his seat as Baizhu walks out the room. The door closes and Baizhu follows Gui as he asks "What's the situation?"

Gui speaks as fast as he can while walking toward the pharmacy entrance. "Qiqi was missing most of the night, which isn't abnormal, but she's at the front desk crying inconsolable while carrying a person on her back. They're bleeding out heavily and I saw multiple cuts, bruises and arrows in their body."

"I'm sorry to ask this from you but please prepare the treatment room. Once you do so, I can take care of them as Qiqi runs the front. If anything, I'll close the front until the patient is stable."

Gui nods before turning back as Baizhu steps into the threshold of the front. His eyes scan the room and quickly spot Qiqi and the patient she's holding.

Qiqi stands frozen in place as she grips you on her back. Tears roll down her cheeks without stopping, a stark contrast to her blank expression. Baizhu walks closer and kneels down to her level as his eyes dart over your unconscious body.

"Qiqi, I need you to follow me while carrying them. Can you do that?"

"Dr. Bai… Dr. Bai, they need herbs. Dr. Bai, Dr. Bai…"

Qiqi stares past him as if she doesn't register his words. Baizhu recognized the name 'Dr. Bai' easily as her name for him when she was still learning to remember.

Changsheng lifts her head as she hisses in a cooing way. "Qiqi, you want to save them, correct? We have the herbs but you need to bring this patient to the treatment room."

Baizhu reaches toward the zombie child and carefully wipes away her tears. “There’s no need to worry Qiqi, just do as Changsheng says. Remember I love you most.” 

Qiqi nods but she doesn’t stop crying much to Baizhu’s surprise. Deciding to leave that for another time, he slowly walks to the treatment room passing by an exhausted Gui who sends a worried glance at you. 

“Don’t worry about it Gui, injured patients aren’t the most frequent but I have plenty of experience caring for them. Just go home and rest.” With a sigh, Gui leaves as Qiqi stands next to the clean bed. 

You’re quickly transferred to the bed and positioned to lay on your side for a proper inspection. “You should stay outside. Qiqi. I’ll let you see them when I’m done.” Not looking back, Baizhu changes his gloves before gingerly touching the bloody wounds. Bits and pieces of scrap can be felt inside the injuries under his fingers making him frown.

“There’s quite a range of injuries on them. Not counting the bruising and cuts, there are some deep stab wounds.” Changsheng comments from her perch as she stares down at the zombie.

“Their calves have been pierced too, it’s cold to the touch with elemental traces. Someone used a cryo vision on them. Their back isn’t straight and their breathing is harsh, I’m suspecting some broken bones. They must be identified soon so I can heal them.”

As he pulls his hands away, a small metal arrow tip falls out onto the floor. “That one has hydro elemental energy, different then the cryo one earlier. Two assailants means double the bleeding.”

“Baizhu! That can be dealt with afterwards, look at their head!” Changsheng’s sudden hiss pulls Baizhu’s attention to the area in question. The pillow your head is laying has begun to be stained red as a puddle forms. Blood dribbles out of your cracked lips as your breathing becomes strained.

Dendro glows at the tips of Baizhu’s fingertips as he carefully trails his fingers across the wounds. “Changsheng, they don’t have much time left. Their qi is perfectly balanced so I’ll only need to transfer some lifeforce. That head injury is the most pressing injury but I’ll spare some power to temporarily block the bleeding.”

The puncture wounds shine a soft green and the blood on your loose, shoddy bandages slow down. A pained gasp breaks free from your lips at the accident brush against your cracked spine.

Baizhu and Changsheng both peer down at your head, your matted hair knotting from the blood makes him grimace. “Their skull met with great impact but it’s not fatal.”

“Not yet, at least.”

“This mask needs to be removed for proper circulation and examination. More injuries may be hiding beneath it.” Baizhu speaks absentmindedly as he changes gloves and begins to reach toward the bloody mask on your face.

Your eyes snap open, making Baizhu freeze in surprise until you push him with enough force causing him to stumble. Changsheng hisses in retaliation as Baizhu steadies himself.

You stumble off the bed with a sway as blood rolls down your forehead. With glossy eyes and cracked lips you speak slowly. "Don't… touch it…"

Baizhu and Changsheng share a worried look at each other before focusing on you. Taking a step closer, Baizhu raises his empty hands in an act to calm you.

"Now, now, I'm just trying to help you. That mask is obstructing my care and can cause a serious problem."

"I… said… NO TOUCHING!" Your arm flails to the side, knocking over objects and causing a loud crash. 

An animalistic yell rises out of your hoarse throat while your limbs swing around in agitation. Baizhu keeps a safe distance away as he watches you.

"This enraged fool will be the cause of their own death!" Changsheng yells over the sounds of vials and glasses crashing.

Baizhu doesn't respond as he stares at you, your every movement is carefully noted under watchful yellow eyes. 

Your pupils blown wide, trembling body, and strange movements weren't lining up with a simple blood loss excuse.

A small hand tugs his pant leg as your rampage slows to an end. Baizhu looks down at the red rimmed pink eyes of the zombie child.

"What is it, Qiqi? Do you have something that can help them?"

Changsheng keeps a watchful eye on your exhausted body as your endless mumbles of refusal continue. Your bag in Qiqi's hands is handed over to Baizhu without a word.

"Is this theirs?" A single nod before she steps away to stare at you with a seemingly worried frown.

Baizhu opens the bag to find it completely empty. Not a single speck of dust or dirt can be seen in it unlike your dirty, ripped clothes. But before he closes it, he spots a tag on the inside of it.

'Property of Y/N L/N'

With that new information, he sets the bag down on a farther table and looks back to you. You stand trembling next to the bed as pieces of broken objects litter the ground. With slumped shoulders and eyes threatening to roll back, your voice cracks with every mumble.

"Don't take it off. Can't take it off.. Won't let you take it off…"

"Y/N? Is that your name?"

No reaction comes from you. He tries again. "Y/N, can you hear me? Can you understand me?"

Again nothing, not a twitch, not a flinch or even a slow in your mumbles. With a tired sigh Baizhu makes up his mind.

"Changsheng we have no other choice, I'll knock them out so be prepared to share my life force with them during the struggle."

"No."

Baizhu looks down at the snake in slight surprise, Changsheng speaks in a wary voice.

"For whatever reason, Teyvat is reaching out to me in warning. Don't take off the mask, keep it on and heal what you can."

Baizhu spares one more glance before sighing. "If that's really what you believe then we will do things your way. Perhaps Y/N's body is stuck in a fear response and may actually kill me."

Baizhu carefully steps past the shards and approaches you with a gentle smile. "Qiqi clean up the mess, lest our patient injure themselves on it. As for you Y/N, you can relax. I will not take off your mask, you are safe here."

Immediately your eyes roll back and you collapse to the ground. Baizhu was swift enough to catch you before any injury but your reaction was enough to cause him grief.

"Qiqi, as soon as you are done, manage the front for me. This will take a long while."

-----------------------

Change was something you grew used to during your childhood. You changed schools, caretakers, friends and homes long enough to know the process by heart.

Adapting was another thing you were good at. Shady houses with out of control classmates and unending fights meant that it was a dangerous place. That you had to stay low and be on edge constantly. Everything you owned had to fit in your locked bag or else you would find it missing the next morning.

It was a bit easier in the city where most were working class. Making friends would be too much trouble and fairly fruitless. You were content to stay invisible and deal with any problems outside of public view. Some students just didn't know how to describe you, some were too fearful of what they accidentally saw to say anything about you.

The most and least stressful was the rare times you ended up with a rich family. On one hand every student knew you as an orphan but at the same time, rich kids loved to feel like heroes. All you had to do was play the weak and kind student. Nearly every student flocked to be your guardian angel as you showered them with compliments.

You never lacked lies and stories to tell but you also never stayed in one spot for longer than a few months. Each time Mr. Castio got more and more fed up with you. From a stoic disappointment to a quiet rage filled with belittlement. 

It was at 12 years old that you got fostered by your third wealthy family. They already had children, a daughter your age and a son who was barely three. You already knew that you would be their designated babysitter.

After a month of living there, you began to truly enjoy it. There was no mistreatment, obvious favoritism, a nice allowance, and even your own room. Even though you held no love for them, you followed your foster parents requests with no trouble.

Cleaning, babysitting, organization, yard work, sewing and more spontaneous jobs. Not only did they give you a bonus for the work, they also let you buy stuff with it when you asked. 

You didn't need to be constantly catered to like their daughter, you were just happy to sleep without fear of getting robbed, an empty stomach or bruised skin.

After a while you began to realize just how much you depended on them. It worried you, you agonized endlessly about getting attached and abandoned. You worked harder at school, gave in to their request full of smiles and got along with their children swimmingly.

The longer you stayed and obeyed, the larger the possibility of them adopting you or at least fostering you till adulthood became. 

But, you really should have known better. You’ve gone through it so many times, yet it seemed you still didn’t learn your lesson on who you can trust. The only person who truly had your back was always going to be yourself.

A normal day, a nice lunch and a polite request to do the dishes, something you were happy to oblige in. The sponge absorbed the soap and water letting you wash the dishes with ease. The chore is second nature to you.

 Their daughter was out of the house, probably hanging out at a friend's house. Their son was with them in the dining room as their chatter reached your ears clearly.

“I’m so glad we got lucky to foster such a kind child.”

“As am I. They work hard, get along well with everyone, and help us around the house without complaint.”

Their praise was something you were still struggling to get used to. But it made you happy nonetheless. You couldn’t seem to shake the feeling that it was an exaggeration or a lie no matter how many times you chided yourself.

“That’s true, I never expected a kid with that upbringing could be so smart.”

“What child wouldn’t do well with us taking care of them? They struggled a bit at first but they seem to realize what a good deed we did with fostering one of their kind.”

The water running down your fingers felt colder, almost like ice was traveling through your veins. Was that really what they said? Did you hear them correctly? You held onto some semblance of hope that they weren’t speaking about you like that. But the longer you listened, the smaller your hopes shrunk as your doubts grew.

They spoke about you as if you were a pet. Due to what? Being an orphan? The class difference? Your race? Your gender? Or was it just you? All their past compliments and words that seemed innocent are thrust into a new light. One full of demeaning words hiding as kindness.

The dishes in your hands become like dynamite. Just one drop and it’ll set off a whole chain of events where you can tell them off. To scream insults and obscenities from feeling tricked. Yell at them exactly how you feel, how angry it made you to be spoken as if less than human. As if less than them. 

Instead, you set the clean dish onto the drying rack. A deep breath is taken and then two more. Impartial rationality is focused on as your wounded heart is shoved away.

You have a good home, you aren’t being abused. Taken advantage of? Yes, but you get paid for it. This isn’t a family, it’s a job. It’s the best foster family you’ve had by far. They were wealthy and if you played your cards right, you could graduate from this upper class school and get a good job. 

It’s a good deal. It’s the best deal someone like you will ever get. You should be grateful, you don’t need their affection, love or attention. You just need to survive long enough to support yourself. You shouldn’t ruin a good thing.

Those words play on repeat as the last dish is set on the drying rack. The sink is turned off before you grip the counter tightly. Water is drained down the sink as you tell yourself that you’re just angry. Your blurry vision is just from anger, you remind yourself over and over again.

--------------------

A strong stench of iron permeated the room as skilled hands continued to work on your body. Blood splatters stained Baizhu’s clothes, sweat on his temple as he carefully traced the wounds with Dendro glowing on the tips of his fingers. Life force was continuously given to you as Changsheng stabilized Baizhu’s weakening body.

With the most pressing injuries taken care of, Baizhu examined your bloodstained back. The broken and fractured bones there were the next in line to be treated. Grabbing a pair of scissors from the bedside, he raised them to the midline of your clothes.

“The blood is keeping the clothes stuck to their body. We don’t have time to pull the clothes off carefully.” The small mumbles left Baizhu as he concentrated on not accidentally nicking your skin. 

Once done, he set the scissors aside and pulled the remains of your clothes off. A clean wet cloth is gently used to clean the blood off as your skin becomes visible. Simultaneous gasps leave the contracted pair as the cloth is dropped.

“Those scars! Baizhu, this isn’t a mere coincidence anymore. This person is much too similar to The Creator. Those scars are exactly as described in the scriptures.” Changsheng’s frantic hissing doesn’t reach Baizhu as he stares sternly at the marks in question.

His lips part hesitantly as his eyes never leave your body. “We should leave it be….”

“And what reason may that be?” Baizhu reaches an ungloved hand to thumb the old and faded scars as chills run down his spine.

“While it may be true that they are suspiciously similar to the Creator, there is more to this situation. The most widespread theory on why their blood is gold is that their blood is supplied with pure elemental energy and oxygen unlike everyone else that simply wields elemental energy. Even inhuman beings don’t have elemental energy coursing through their veins.”

Baizhu focuses his attention back on your bones as Dendro is summoned by his vision again. Changsheng rests herself with a tense posture as she waits for Baizhu to continue.

“Y/N is bleeding red and naturally absorbs my Dendro seamlessly. Furthermore, the scars on them have a strange aura on them.” Changsheng gives a look to Baizhu silently conveying her theory.

He shakes his head in response and clarifies. “It’s not god remains, but it’s similar. If god remains are like a natural poison and plague on a body, then this aura is the cure. The best way to describe this is that they are god cores. I believe it’s connected to the reason their qi is perfectly balanced despite the situation.”

Changsheng settles down at Baizhu's words as she watches him continue to care for you. Your breathing hitches as your bones are healed and snapped back into place. A low wail is all that can leave your throat.

“So Y/N is something in the middle? Will you really care for them even if it means taking care of a potential imposter?”

A heavy silence follows the question as Baizhu’s natural smile softens. The medical supplies that were used during all these hours litter the room in a mess. His gold eyes stare down at your pale, trembling body. 

“Yes, I will. They are still a patient that was brought to me. If they truly are an imposter then the Millelith can deal with them after they’ve healed properly here.”

Baizhu cleans his hands and changes gloves once again as he examines the remaining wounds on your body. Smiling down at Changsheng, he speaks smoothly “Shall we begin the final stage of their treatment?” 

-----------------------

Middle school reaches its end and the summer before high school came. You had passed with a high grade from your many long nights spent awake. Long days spent babysitting their son while upkeeping the chores while their daughter played leisurely. 

You felt proud of yourself to pass with those grades while dealing with them. As the months went by, your foster parents felt less and less of the need to treat you the same as their children. At the end of the day, they still paid you so everything was fine.

Summer was reaching its end and you were creating a list of items you would need for the new school. Halfway through, a soft knock on your door broke your focus. Your foster parents stepped in and asked you to join them in the living room.

Swallowing down your nerves, you nodded and followed them. Were they planning on giving you up? So close to the new school year?

The moment you sat down, they dropped the metaphorical bomb. "We want you to stay back this year and go to high school next year instead."

That wasn't so bad right? You just need to wait another year to start high school. It's not like you could be thrown out at 18 with no high school diploma, left to fend for yourself after giving up a year of school for them.

It's safe to say that you reacted badly to the news. Every 'Why?' was given a half hearted answer that changed constantly, and when you put your foot down and said no, something about them shifted, as if a curtain had been lifted or a coin had been flipped.

The once kind and gentle gleam in their eyes dulled into something akin to annoyance. As if you were doused with cold water, the atmosphere became tense and you just knew that you messed up. You, who had been so careful to stay on good terms and always abide by their request, was looked upon with coldness. 

“A child like you should not be giving us this disrespectful attitude.”

“We’ve clothed you, fed you, provided everything in that room. And it’s now with this single request that you’re rejecting us this harshly?”

The lecture goes on and on. Told how grateful, how sorry, how happy you should be. Cruelty laced every word has their arrogant figures towered over you. There was no chance for you to speak up, the helplessness you felt only pushed you down further.

At the end you were sent to your room with the date of your ‘fostering’ decided. The suitcase you took out and began to neatly fill felt foreign. You truly believed that you would be staying here until your 18th birthday. With the room bare and your eyes puffy, you tried to sleep.

Thoughts of what you should have done came to you in waves. You should have just accepted it. Even if only as a facade and found some way to prevent them from alerting the school in time. You wouldn’t have lost anything, if only you weren’t so stupid.

Tears spring up and it’s wiped away harshly as more replace it. Bitten lips begin to bleed as you hold back any embarrassing sobs that crawl up your throat. It’s only as footsteps are heard outside your room that you freeze.

Eyes wide you listen to the conversation as the sadness turns to bitterness. The bitterness wraps around your heart and squeezes as you learn the truth behind the matter. Their precious daughter had failed her grade and they just couldn’t let their child be upstaged. 

Teeth grinding, you sit up from your bed and begin to dig through the stash of objects you’ve found throughout your time in this household. A plan forms in your mind that all depends on what opportunity is given to you.

Your ex-foster parents announced a dinner to be held at a fancy restaurant and dropped the responsibility of watching over their son on you. Their daughter cheers happily at the sound of her favorite restaurant being chosen as you go to your room. Curled up in the bed, you try to ignore the stabbing pain in your heart.

The door slowly opens as the house goes quiet, their son toddlers to your bed with wide worried eyes. Chubby fingers pat your cheek softly “Are you okay? You sad?” The broken sentences are cute as he stares at you sadly.

Sitting up, you pet his head and smile at him. Your eyes are a strange swirl of emotions as you reassure him of your well being. The next sentence is a familiar one, just with different intentions than all the times you’ve asked before.

“Do you wanna play a game of hide and seek?” The smile on his face is so bright that you almost feel bad for your actions. 

Mr. Castio picks you up the next day, your ex-foster family waves goodbye to you as you enter the car. Their son cries and begs his parents to stop you as they soothe him calmly. Their daughter is the first to leave as you close the car door.

“How could you fuck up such a good deal?” The harsh words are spoken easily now that privacy is ensured. Wrinkles are as clear as his scowl as he drives away and out of the neighborhood. 

“I got you to be fostered in a family like this, and you couldn’t just go along with what they asked? I never had much expectations for you, but did the amnesia take away your brain too? Actually, you were probably born this way.”

Curling your knees into your chest, you try to ignore his demeaning words. Round two of being treated like a worthless child began as you endured the long car ride. The more he spoke, the more you shook.

“-really. Making my life harder than it has to be. All because you couldn’t shut your damn trap. Is your useless pride worth more then-”

“Why don’t you shut the fuck up instead?!” That was all it took for the loud argument between you both to begin. You had already tried to play nice with one set of arrogant adults, why should you deal with another?

A pained smirk crawled onto your face as you cursed Mr. Castio out who didn’t hesitate to dish it back. Whether it was being nice and submissive or being rude and blunt, both had the same outcomes.

You sincerely hoped that your ex-foster family would enjoy the gifts you left for them to find. 

The drugs you had placed in the nightstand for the strict and uptight breadwinner to find. The photographs of the breadwinners affair you printed and left for the house spouse to find in the cupboard. And finally the positive pregnancy test you set in the liquor cabinet that they never failed to open at dinner time.

By all means, their ‘perfect’ family should fall apart, it was just a shame you couldn’t see the fall out yourself… It didn’t stop the unease and slight guilt you felt for their son who had truly done nothing to you. It’s not like your actions would have too much of an effect on him right? You, you weren’t wrong.

Right?

At the lack of insults, Mr. Castio stopped his verbal abuse. Deep in thought, you stared out the window as the scenery passed by. Where you would go next was not known but it was all right. You would find a way to survive, you always did. 

You had to.

-------------------------

Calloused hands smoothened the blanket on your semi-healed body as Baizhu ignored the exhaustion setting in. The sun was high in the sky as the afternoon lull began to set in. Qiqi opened the door slowly as she peeked in, her eyes trained on your bandaged form.

“Dr. Baizhu, is it done?” Her hesitant voice was answered with a smooth smile and a calm voice. “It is, but Y/N needs their rest. You’ve been tense since you brought them in at dawn, that’s not good for you. Go to the courtyard and practice your arithmetics.”

Qiqi gives a small nod before walking away. With a sigh, Baizhu cleans up the remaining mess from the long treatment. “You’re exhausted, Baizhu. Stop acting tough and get some rest.”

Changsheng’s snotty but caring tone is clear to Baizhu as he walks out of the treatment room. “I’ll instruct Qiqi to gather some more herbs once she’s done. Before I can rest, I’ll need to check up on the counter. Gui should have arrived an hour ago.”

Opening the door, Baizhu is greeted with the sight of Gui giving a farewell to the last customer. At the sight of the doctor, Gui perks up in interest. “How is that patient? Did they make it?”

“Thankfully they did, but they’ll need to stay here a few days for the more severe injuries. I believe their name is Y/N, so address them by that name until we can ask them ourselves..”

Gui nods in response as Baizhu looks through what herbs they still had to use. Different prescriptions come to mind as he filters what information he knows of Y/N. What could trigger an allergic reaction, what medicine could have been consumed beforehand? What prescription is affordable without having too many side effects?

Those thoughts consumed his mind as Qiqi returned and he mindlessly instructed her on what herbs to gather according to the prescription of his choosing. Gui leaves deeper into the pharmacy as Baizhu finishes and stores the medical file safely.

Did you have any means to pay the treatment or follow up prescriptions? Any family to contact for visiting and support? You wouldn’t be the first patient to have no one to rely on but Baizhu still couldn’t shake off the feeling of something more going on with you. 

It was quite perplexing that he, who took great care to focus on being the best physician and on his own contract, was so drawn in by you. With a tired sigh, Baizhu pushed up his glasses as Changsheng raised her head to look behind him.

A knock on the doorframe only urged him to turn around and look at the unexpected visitor. With weary and suspicious eyes Baizhu stared straight ahead, “Is there something I can help you with?”

Lips curled into an ambiguous smile and with a polished voice, the visitor replies.  “I hope so, do you happen to have a patient wearing a mask?”

This chapter was fun to write, what writer doesn't like giving a trunk ton of trauma on their protagonist? I get 18 years to configure to my liking, what did anyone expect? But as always you don't need to consider this your Y/N's backstory. In truth I won't have you think back to these memories much as you have moved on from that past. You have for a long time. This is just the 'canonical' explanation as quite a few of you seemed to like my version of Y/N. Which makes me very happy! My editor approved of this idea, and edited it quickly enough for me to pump it out. I deal with the heavy work and don't need to do the annoying work! Also feel free to ask if anything was confusing. One last thing, after I got rid of the spam/porn bots I saw that I reached 1k followers! That's pretty amazing but I'm not sure if a special should be done or not. And if so, what should I do?

Taglist: Check Masterlist for more details but everyone is welcome to join it!

@vvyeislazzy, @nikqi, @the-dumber-scaramouche, @etherisy, @yourlocalstranger123, @ra404, @iruiji, @goldenglow149, @haru-tofuu, @lsleepysimpl, @bebobeboben, @yuyuzi-ling, @amidst-the-tempest, @resident-cryptid, @mxd1zzy, @mochicurls21, @nervouseaglelover, @thedevioussmirk, @yumuramma, @kwqsla, @undecidingfate, @ehjane, @game-savvy, @akiramirae, @liansh3ng, @fluffy-koalala, @formacoon, @sxftiebee, @khxii-i, @ursinaw, @chuuya-brainrot, @sweetbills, @kazuchaos, @snowfoxnix, @bluebelony, @shellofthewell, @pencil-of-ashes, @ghostlyintervention, @taiformaifoe, @goaudduck, @carminerin, @maddysflowers, @zenith-of-all-zenith, @crazydreamcat, @leafanonsforest, @grimreapersscythe, @leylanx, @sapphireknown, @help-whatdoimakemyusername, @zhonglisfruityass, @mer0n37, @victoria1676, @mochinessss, @sinnful-darling, @emilymikado, @pix-stuff, @esthelily, @luxie963, @emmbny, @millienolife @kbar1013, @xxblackroses623xx, @chxrlxtteee, @aludicpoet, @yandematic, @atrcclovsxoxo, @0lshadyl0, @esthelily, @t-rex-red, @ck123, @steadybreadbluebird, @118gremlin, @stratonia, @time-shardz, @farelady-fate, @valeriele3, @francisnyx, @byakuren100, @waveto-earth, @flyingpansaurus

#whisp's amateur work #sagau oracle au #genshin sagau #genshin impact #yandere genshin impact #yandere genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #yandere sagau #yandere x reader #yandere baizhu #yandere changsheng #can I even have that? #you know what? #why not #yandere qiqi #another poll #tw abuse #tw abandonment #tw neglect #usually I don't put these in the tags buuuuuut #this goes pretty heavily into it #oracle au #genshin impact sagau #sagau #sagau cult au #genshin cult au #genshin yandere #honorable Gui mention #I really hope at least one person remembered Yiran and her dad

[bluetooththereptile]

Unwelcomed embrace

Yandere super family x neglected reader

( English is not my first language so I apologize for any mistakes in the following text.)

Note: Well since apprently you guys enjoy reading angst and neglect related fics,I've thought of making one for super family! If you guys like it there's the chance of making another part for this one as well!

Summary: As a not so hostile hero you are trying to find your place amongst other heros, but apprently going to higher rankes needs a veteran's support, but you are alone, and it's the reason why your wishes will be turned down. This makes you to lash out and start an storm that shakes your whole life!

Tw: mentions of past abuse and neglect and anger issues

"For God's sake Bart, can you stop babbling for a second?" You snapped at the flash boy, making him close his jaw quickly, looking away. Kaldur arched his brow at you, you were more snappy than usual, there must have been something in your mind that was bothering you, he knew something was wrong but didn't acknowledge it, pressing further would have resulted in an angrier you and a huge mess, he didn’t want that, especially now that you were in the justice palace.

You tapped your feet nervously as you tried to listen to the conversation going on in the meeting room, but the advanced technology on its walls muffled every sound and this made your mood even worse, making you furrow your brows deeply as you scowled, every second that passed more people around you stepped away, not wanting to get involved in your ranting. As a hero, you were known for your problematic anger issues, and if it wasn't for your efficient way of working and powers, you wouldn't be in the league at all, "We need protectors, not warriors!" Batman once had yelled at you when you had thrown a whole truck filled with criminals down the cliff, thankfully superman was there to take the truck, speaking of superman...he was in the meeting room as well, making you even more anxious, something told you that your hopes were going to be put down.

You took in a deep breath, trying to not think about negative things too much, you were going to become a superhero, there wouldn't be anything against that right? Minus those numerous records of destruction and disobedience of course. But there wouldn't be a problem if a veteran took you in, looking after you for a while so you wouldn't make more problems, but that was where your real concerns laid, none of them liked you. Your reputation as the illegitimate child of superman didn't help you that much, your mother's infamous deeds rubbed off his good name and presented you as a threat, your behavior didn't help much, for a person that was into plants you were too angry, always expecting something from the world you were born into by Poison Ivy, aka, your sweet mother.

She was so sweet that she left you behind, putting you in Superman's arms as a "gift". But Clark was already building up his own family, dating Lios Lane...he couldn't have a child out of nowhere from a "forced" affair pop into his life and ruin everything. You were not wanted by anyone, and your life seemed pointless at the age of just 11 days old. Clark couldn't let you go through the normal adoption process, no normal family would take a half Kryptonian, half magical nymph into their home, so he decided to give his green child a chance, he decided to let Lois know about you, so she could take care of you, but what a young busy woman without any experience with babies can do with a baby that has special powers?  The whole thing was doomed to end in disaster.

At just 6 months old, finally, Clark gave you up for adoption services, you were not made to be in his family, your constant screams, crying, and need for attention annoyed the couple, but now that you thought about it, apparently Lois did not like to have the child of another woman in a crib, next to her bed, you were proof of her lover's affair and she didn't like that at all, and Clark, he was ashamed of having you around for obvious reasons. So you were given up, like a piece of furniture. Months later, When Lois's job crisis ended, she'd come to her senses, it was not your fault that you were born that way, but it was too late...you were given to a family already. But Clark could come and take you away! But he didn't.

It was nice, at least for some years, that your parents kept up with you, knowing your situation. Your mother loved plants and you would pop a rose for her daily, to see her smile, and her smile brightened your small heart. Your father, a strict but kind man, loved his wife, and seeing her happy made him feel good as well, so you, the reason for her happiness, were precious to him. Until the day your mother died in an accident, and your father went into depression. His friends introduced him to liquor and well...let's just say it didn't end in something good. Your anxiety and anger issues were the results of your father's abuse. It turned so bad that you left home at the age of 15, flying away to find your real father.

You were smart, you could see your powers were familiar with someone else's, superman, that was why you decided on following him around, only to find out his true identity, and where he lived. But it was not like how you had imagined, your real father, Clark, had a son of his own now, and his family seemed so happy, you felt by showing up you'd ruin their happiness, but you decided on knocking on the door in the end, you couldn't deny yourself, you needed love and happiness as well!

But you were not greeted warmly. "Tell that woman I don't want to do anything with her!" Clark said as he pushed you away from the door frame so Lois couldn't see you. "B-but my mother is dead!" You said, now shivering, your green skin not showing how pale you were, your foster father was a scary man, but the man of steel was much more terrifying. Clark didn't believe you, he had been manipulated before, and a teenager was not going to fool him again. So you have pushed away, now being on your own.

Life was not easy on you at all. That was why you decided to become a hero so you could be great, so you could be heard and seen, you saw all of those magazines and headlines of superheroes, and you wanted to be like them, you wanted to be loved again, but the world was not going to show it's a good side to you.

The door of the meeting room opened, and members of the justice league walked out one by one, you tried your best to not jump in and ask about the result, looking desperately to batman as he walked toward you and other members of the young justice league. "The chosen one this time will be Red Robin." Tim smiled in disbelief as others cheered for him, but you felt as if your whole world crashed down on you. What? After all of that effort, you had put into getting close to wonder woman now this was what you were getting?

You approached Diana "This is not what we had made a deal on!" You said not so calmly "You are not ready." Diana said, making you groan "I've passed every damned test you had set up for me...now you are telling me I am not ready?" Diana sighed "You have to work on your anger management Y/N, your record is not clear enough!" You scoffed "It's not that! You all just want me to stay in the lower league to use me!" You yelled, now getting everyone's attention "You are all just a bunch of pricks that care about your friendships more than people's worth! Red Robin was chosen because he's Bateman's son, no one wants to have me here!"

"Come on Y/N, don't whine like little kids!" Conner said, making you glare at him "You shut up clone!" You insulted him, now saying what was in your mind for a long time, Conner's existence angered you to no end, Clark had taken his clone in, but not you! Why? He even had taken in a piece of dumb meat named Bizzaro and not you! Why? WHY? The question circled in your mind as your eyes found superman, who was looking at the whole ordeal with a worried look. Since the time you had joined in, he always was worried, he now could see the errors of what he had done, but it was too late...too late.

You punched Conner in the face, still not having the courage to attack Clark himself, so you took it upon his son's anger making you see red. Conner attacked you as well and soon you two were a bloody mess, punching each other, Conner was taken back by your friends as you were put down with help of Diana and Bruce. "You are suspended Y/N!" Bruce said "I don't fucking care!" You hissed, the taste of your blood on your tongue, as you were taken away, your powers suppressed with the use of kryptonate.

.....

"What do you want?" You mumbled as you saw Superman's large frame in the shadows, you tried to make yourself steady, your mind being not in the right state since you had inhaled too much pollen, trying to take your misery away, your foster father's impression on you still followed you in your late teen years. "Y/N, we can talk...you are taking it so hard on yourself!" Clark walked closer to you, now giving up his attention, fully. You couldn't help but chuckle at that as you tried to make yourself stay steady, you were out of the league for six months now, this time was enough for Clark and his family to realize your situation, you were giving up everything you had built for years.

"I don't care!" You said, chuckling bitterly as you sniffled more pollen, your vision turning blur. Clark reached out to you, but you refused his touch. "I wanted to be great...and I will be...just wait and see...I will be...one way or another!" Clark thought of what you were saying as result of the pollen drug but he didn't know what was in your mind "Y/N, you're not in the best condition to talk, let's get you somewhere safe so you can take that stuff out of your system!"

"No touching!" You slapped his hand away as you sat on a bench, the bushes around you slowly engulfing your body, Clark watched this and it felt like you were fading away "We'll meet again Superman..."your middle finger raised to let him know what you thought of him, and it was not good, at all. You'd meet him soon...

#yandere batman #yandere #yandere x reader #yandere superman #yandere clark kent #yandere dc #neglected reader #yandere jon kent #yandere conner kent #yandere karen starr #yandere kara zor el #yandere lois lane #yandere bizzaro #yandere krypto