coldagoraphobic - Tumblr blog

coldagoraphobic · 12 days

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i want to be perfect

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coldagoraphobic · 1 year

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why is it you, you the one to hurt me. i know that today i’ll want to rip you apart and say i hate you. then tomorrow i’ll fall into your arms and say i’m in love with you. i do love you, i can’t stop. yet the way you treat me and act as a person makes my blood boil. i pretend i know you, but whenever i think i do, you say things that make you feel unrecognizable. i’d pour out my heart and soul just to be called annoying. i’d kill to be your world, but you’d let me die at the blade of your knife.

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coldagoraphobic · 2 years

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i wish i could live the way i wanted to. yet i’m still stuck here in this body of mine. self destructive…as always.

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coldagoraphobic · 2 years

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why don’t i recognize myself anymore.

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coldagoraphobic · 2 years

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what the actual hell am i doing to myself.

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coldagoraphobic · 3 years

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so many opportunities, so many people that need me, yet i’m stuck being agoraphobic. i just wish i could let it all go, but i’m genuinely terrified.

#books #spilled ink #just ed shit #mentally drained #alcohlism #mental health #aesthetic #skip dinner get thinner #health #weightloss #agoraphobic #actually agoraphobic #it's not as simple as just eating

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coldagoraphobic · 3 years

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i’m constantly in a war with food. why can’t i be normal. i know how cliché that sounds, but i’m genuinely wishing that i could just think like a normal human for once.

#books #spilled ink #just ed shit #mentally drained #alcohlism #mental health #aesthetic #skip dinner get thinner #health #weightloss #actually agoraphobic

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coldagoraphobic · 3 years

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it’s my birthday, i hate it. i feel bad that i hate it because i know how many people love me.

#books #spilled ink #just ed shit #mentally drained #alcohlism #mental health #aesthetic #skip dinner get thinner #health #weightloss #drugs tw

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coldagoraphobic · 3 years

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i wish there was a way to make all the ugly thoughts disappear. like damn, leave me alone.

i hate this.

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coldagoraphobic · 3 years

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i was happier skinny, than i was chubby.

they’re both hard paths, i’ve struggled to find balance. i’m either underweight or overweight!

i’ve realized from going up and down and back up that i need to be down. i’m happier that way, even if it’s hard. i know i’ll be happier now.

- me

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coldagoraphobic · 3 years

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dear anorexia,

i did everything for you, i gave up my life for you, i thought about nothing but you. yet you still wanted more. i hit all of your goals just for you to make a new one, leaving me feeling unsatisfied and guilty. till i felt the blistering winters, the whispers of people talking behind my back, and the snarky comments people would make straight to my face. for some reason, i still love you more than anything in the world. yes, you took so much but you gave me peace from so many other issues. i love you so much, that i’d do it all over again. yet, i hate you, i hate you for screwing with my body and my head. giving me a false sense of reality, then leaving me to deal with all my problems alone when the drive was gone. food was and still is my enemy. if i’m not starving myself for months, i’m now binging for months. as if i’m on a rollercoaster that never ends. i love you, but why did you have to screw me over so badly. maybe it wasn’t love after all.

sincerely,

me (b)

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coldagoraphobic · 3 years

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i’m searching for answers to why i’m like this, wondering why i can’t be happy like everyone else. my parents mistake me for being ungrateful for the things i have or the people around me, but they don’t understand how incompetent i am of being the person i wish i could be. it feels like i’m trapped in my body and mind unable to be the person i fantasize about. where did the time go. i look in the mirror and am completely unrecognizable. i really have lost all my morals and i’m trying to find them, i try, i really do but i can’t.

#paranoia #mentally ill #food log #quotes #words #actually agoraphobic #sorry for being depressing #depressing shit #depressing poem #depressing quotes #anxeity #anxi4ty #eating problems

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