#wow! not to be negative but I hate my body sometimes! why can’t I sleep like a normal person!

[d1zzypaw]

my current sleep schedule is just like. Oh boy 5pm? Time to fall asleep until midnight or so! yee hawwww

#don’t love when it gets like this but at least I get my nighttime when I wake up? #it’s only 7 (would’ve been 6) and I’m so tired. #wow! not to be negative but I hate my body sometimes! why can’t I sleep like a normal person! #it’s been driving me crazy for So. Many. Years. #I got a glimpse of stable sleep times for a week and immediately reverted to my bullshit. ugh #didn’t mean to write so much. guess I’m more frustrated than I thought #txt

[fukurodaze]

some days

pairing: post-timeskip! oikawa tooru x fem!reader genre: angst wc: 2.4k warnings: cursing, stress, anxiety, homesickness, insecurity requested by @dasighosamu​ <3: “oikawa video chatting regularly with his girlfriend that somehow convinced him they’re okay [...]”

a/n: i.. am.. so so so sorry this took so long... many of the negative feelings here are taken from my own personal experiences as well, so i’m very sorry if this seems a bit impersonal for some people, but i tried to make it feel as y/n-able as possible! enjoy!

special thanks to nat @natszoo​ for beta reading! love u :(

LISTEN TO: blue - taeyeon; through the night - iu

you feel it in your bones. you feel it rumble and twist and turn. some days you feel it more. some days you feel it less. you know what it is today. 

it’s so empty, you think, movements like a crack of sound in silence. you had woken up in the afternoon today, the room still dark yet covers already warm. oh, you feel disgusting.

the least you do is open the curtains, hoping to squeeze in some sunlight for the day you had almost missed. you remember, though, to wake up for today, because it’s saturday. you look forward to saturdays, actually, because it has in store one constant that you hold onto - facetiming your boyfriend, oikawa tooru, at 7pm.

it used to be everyday that you facetimed him, until careers advanced and work took up more and more space in lives. still, you would always watch his matches when they were televised (it was a hassle sometimes, though, to get through to argentinian television channels, but it was worth it) and he would text you good morning and goodnight in your timezone most days (it slips his mind sometimes, but you could never blame him; you like the texts anyways). and it’s okay, really, it’s okay that you don’t get to see him that often. it’s just that work gets a bit harsh sometimes and you live alone and most of your friends live quite a bit far from you and you feel like you’ve cried to them about tooru way too many times and-

okay, you are not okay. but you hold on. you try to hold on.

you get yourself an instant meal in the fridge, feeling well into the shitty weekend when you see the stack of dirty dishes in the sink. you wash them anyways, thinking that it might be a way for you to feel a little bit better. you don’t want to be irritable when you’re with tooru, because then he’ll just worry. he already worries enough about himself - the least you could do is smile. right?

it’s what you tell yourself as you slap on some skincare, hoping that the various products containing tea tree essence and papaya are enough to mask the layer of sleepless nights and early mornings on your face. it’s not like you’re afraid of him seeing you in your dejected state; it’s more like you wouldn’t want the only time you spend with him this week be a negative memory.

now, you settle on the carpeted floor of the living room, laptop placed on the coffee table between the couch and the tv you never really use anymore. you remember when tooru had bought you this apartment right before an off-season with promises of him visiting in the summer. he even insisted on that nice tv screen for netflix nights. 

but alone, you prefer a laptop; so you’re thinking of selling it, yet you don’t want to pass up on the chance that tooru might come back one summer.

eventually, the facetime on your laptop sounds its ringtone, and a smile grows on your face as quickly as you pick up the video call. 

"wait- can- can you hear me well?”

you purse your lips, your tired eyes seemingly so much more eager to stay open. you say, “yeah, i can hear you well. can you?”

he hums, and there’s a loving silence that ensues. you don’t really know what to do with your insides feeling all warm again, so you fold your legs to your chest and let out a light laugh. it’s him.

“wow,” you mumble through chuckles, “hi, tooru.”

“i missed you, pretty girl,” he coos. you see how tooru has his back against his headboard, one arm folded behind his head and the other holding his phone up. it’s seven in the morning there, you reckon, and he looks like he’d just showered. 

“i missed you too. just showered?”

your boyfriend nods, “woke up later than usual today, but it’s, like, hot outside even at six in the morning. or maybe i just sweat too much.”

you giggle, “here, it’s so cold already. i can’t even go anywhere without a sweater - i even sleep with socks these days.”

“are you sure your heater’s doing fine?”

“my heater’s almost on its highest setting. i’ve just been getting so cold lately? maybe i just hate winter...” you trail off as you hear your own stomach grumble. still hungry...? you mutter to yourself, standing up to get a little snack for yourself, “tooru, i’m getting a snack. just keep talking, though, i can hear you.”

tooru’s smile falters a bit when he hears of you getting cold. he knows you’ve never really minded winter, using the season as an opportunity to stack up on cozy clothing and coats. hell, he had heard you say once, during one autumn, that you were so excited for winter because “you could finally wear the hoodies and sweaters since you felt too warm for them even during autumn and spring.” back then, tooru had told you that you were just too warm of a person. 

but maybe he’s just thinking too much into it. he hasn’t been to japan in a long time, anyways. maybe it really is that cold.

you come back with some toast and a glass of water. a crisp, warm bite into the food makes you feel relieved. you tuck your hair behind your ears, putting your focus back on tooru. “so, how’s everything?”

“everything... is... a lot.” tooru makes his way off of the bed, telling you, “seeing you eat just makes me hungry, too. lemme get some food.” he brings his phone with him to the kitchen, propping it against a vase on his dining table, giving you a perfect view of the kitchen. 

“welcome to my cooking show!” he exclaims as he lets go of the phone. it falls immediately, of course, but he takes care in propping it against some more items. it works somehow.

“i just recently perfected my egg poaching technique,” tooru smirks as he takes two eggs from the fridge, “it’s kind of flawless, not gonna lie.”

“can i see?” 

he sets the eggs down on the countertop, making his way to his phone before pausing, “erm, due to camera placement issues and a shortage of hands, i am unable to give you a full view of my absolute skill. is that okay, baby?”

you nod, your lip protruding slightly in a quiet pout. tooru’s pointed it out before, but it seems like every time he calls you baby your body automatically responds with a little pout. he looks at you with calm eyes, “cute.”

as he makes his eggs, you let him go on about the people around his neighbourhood, the results of the ca san juan tryouts from last week, his new team members, and one restaurant he’s found around town. he tells you, “their food is just so good. i’ll take you there someday.”

your cheeks raise slightly at his last statement, “really? tell me more about it.”

“well, it’s a bit expensive, but so worth it. they sell japanese stuff, actually, and i seriously kid you not, it tastes exactly like food from home.”

home, huh? 

“maybe when i visit one day i can bring you some food from home, too.”

somehow, the mention of home stings a little bit tonight.

 it’s an off-day, off-night, off-week, you’ve told yourself, and now that the week is ending with a call from your boyfriend, you were positive that it was going to end on a high. here, you stand corrected, with your throat getting all tied up threatening hot tears from the corners of your eyes. you’ve made it this far in the week, why must you cry in front of tooru, of all people? 

you take a long gulp from your glass of water in an attempt to blink back your tears. you’re glad that tooru’s back is facing the camera as he takes out a plate to put his eggs on. 

you quiet down intensely, afraid that any word out of your mouth will come out as a choked sob. of course, tooru notices, whipping his head around with a faltering smile.

“y/n, are you alright-”

“um, tooru, i think my laptop’s running out of battery, so i’ll reconnect the call from my phone instead, yeah?”

tooru nods, and you hastily stand up, clicking blindly at what you thought was the red hang-up button. your legs carry you to the kitchen, a place where tooru can still hear you even after the both of you thought you had hung up, to get another glass of water. 

but your arms don’t go so far as to reach for the tap, and instead, they only hold onto the edge of the countertop, trembling lightly against the cold marble. 

“shit,” you curse, head hanging as tears flow down your cheeks in warm waterfalls with your breath unsteady, your neck heating up. you see how some teardrops make little puddles on the shiny countertop, and some are swept away when your hand flies over to rid them, swiping in quick motions, angry that your body betrayed you by crying.

“stop crying, goddamnit.” you mutter, “it’s going to be so obvious, and tooru’s just going to worry, and he’ll just find it a hassle to stay with you, and-” you can’t even continue your spoken train of thought when you choke on your own words, your legs not even enough to support you up. 

“what a shitty week...” you slide down to the floor, trying to steady your breath. you tell yourself to hurry up with this damned cry, as you told him you were going to call him again on your phone. maybe you could say it was the wifi. 

you look up, wondering why, why do i feel like this?

is it because you just miss him? is work just getting hectic? should you be going out more? but it’s cold... nothing’s been working out lately. it’s just become doubts on top of doubts and you don’t know where to stop.

on the other hand, tooru’s freezing up. he can still hear your sniffles from afar, and as he stares at the warm plate of poached eggs on toast, he wonders if it would be okay to call out to you. 

it’s not like this is the first time he’s ever seen you cry, because you two have seen each other in more ways than one. still, tooru feels his heart crumble at the fact that he had had absolutely no clue as to what you had been feeling all this time, whether it be just a week, a few days, or a few hours. he wants to call out to you, hug you tight, wipe your tears, do something to make you feel better. 

but tooru doesn’t really know how to make his way through this, seeing as the distance is too far for any physical comfort. he’s learned he’s not as good with comforting words as he is with flirting, but now that he doesn’t flirt with anyone other than you, he doesn’t know if he even is good with words at all. he thinks, if you were to be okay with him reaching out to you, why were you choking back your tears? why were you so quick to hide what you felt? why do you not want him to worry about you the same way you worry about him?

tooru likes to think things through, especially when he’s never felt so unprepared with you before, as he’d been used to resorting to physical comfort in the past. but in this moment, through all the doubts and negative thoughts, his mouth moves faster than his brain.

“y/n, i’m still here.”

in this moment, your breath hitches and you make the dreaded way back to your laptop, your eyes swollen and cheeks glossy. 

“y-you heard everything?” 

your boyfriend nods, “do... do you want to talk about it?”

you shrug, swallowing slowly. “i don’t know how to talk about it, really,” a shallow laugh falls from your lips, “some days- this week- it’s just not... it’s been low, for me.”

tooru’s chin leans patiently against his forearms, eyes focused on you. 

“oh god. i haven’t cried in months,” you exhale, “and it just happened to be in front of you. i probably look ugly, or something.”

your boyfriend shakes his head, “you and ugly are words that simply do not go together.”

“you can keep crying, if you want. i’ll be here for you.” he affirms, “we take care of each other at our lows, remember? no matter the distance.”

you sniffle a bit more, your sweater sleeve damp from your tears. his words are new, but it makes you feel much less alone. 

the call fades into you attempting to steady your breathing once more, and tooru reassuring you left and right. maybe it does feel nice, you begin to think, to have someone there with you. to know that they’ll care for you as much as you’ll care for them.

in the midst of your thoughts, tooru calls out, “y/n?”

you hum in response, and he continues, “i wasn’t supposed to tell you this, since it’s not final, but there’s a possibility that i’ve been selected to play for the argentinian national team in the olympics next year. in tokyo.”

you do a double take at him. “wait, you... in japan...?”

he loves seeing you smile like that. “i was called in a meeting yesterday. they were pretty positive about me being a starting setter, but, again, it’s not final.”

your shoulders drop a bit, “but there’s always a chance, right?”

“well, ‘not final’ is just their way of saying ‘don’t tell anyone yet’. and how could i not tell you?”

you giggle a little, “maybe if you come over i might have some use for this big ass tv you bought for me.”

tooru laughs, “i’m coming home, y/n.”

here comes your second wave of tears.

#oikawa x reader #hq x reader #haikyuu x reader #oikawa tooru x reader #oikawa tooru #tooru oikawa #oikawa angst #haikyuu angst #hq angst #hq fluff #haikyuu fluff #oikawa fluff #oikawa imagines #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu fic #oikawa fic #oikawa scenarios #haikyuu oikawa #aoba johsai x reader #seijoh x reader #aoba johsai #seijoh

[wefoundloveunderthelight]

Love, War, and Books by GleefullyCaptainSwan Chapter 2/3

Read on AO3: | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2

Or on FF

Stacy's Tortured Crew: @teamhook @kmomof4 @stahlop @lfh1226-linda @ilovemesomekillianjones @itsfabianadocarmo @mariakov81 @qualitycoffeethings @zaharadessert @jrob64 @jonesfandomfanatic @natascha-ronin @tiganasummertree @xarandomdreamx @therooksshiningknight @batana54 @superchocovian @onceratheart18 @ultraluckycatnd @snowbellewells @karlyfr13s @the-darkdragonfly

Chapter 2: Poetry and Mean Spiritedness

Emma stood in the middle of a near empty store, she sighed, stringing up the lights around the small tree in the corner of the reading area. She gazed around at the few children and their parents looking around at the books before leaving without spending a dime. Jones Books had opened at the beginning of the week and sadly had affected the customer turnout for the week.

While it was upsetting, Emma was trying to stay positive, determined that business would pick up once the shine of the new bookstore wore off and the children begged their parents to return to the store that spent time and effort to bring the stories to life that they had known and loved.

“This bloody sucks!” Will complained as he closed the register for the evening.

“We’ll be out of business before the end of the month at this rate.” Ruby whispered in his direction.

“No one is going out of business.” Emma assured, patting Ruby on the back. “It will pick up after they get tired of the terrible customer service they are getting at Jones crappy bookstore.”

“I hope so because I have rent due on the 5th.”

“Please, you’re still living in a place with rent control. I’ll be out on the streets with the amount they rip from my hands each month across town.”

“No one is going to be out on the streets. Think positive. We’ll be fine.” Emma tried to calm the nervousness in the room.

“It’s like working in a tomb here.” Will moaned.

“Wow Will, way to be positive.” Ruby teased with a groan.

He shrugged and Emma skipped away from them, trying to ignore the negative concerns from her employees. She wasn’t going to be put out of business from Jones Books!

When she arrived home that evening, her positive attitude was threatening to wane on her. The store had barely made enough money to be in the black that evening, she stepped in a puddle before entering their apartment, and the zipper in the dress she wanted to wear to the dinner this evening snagged and broke as soon as she put it on.

Groaning she sat down at her laptop as she waited for August to get done with his shower. She read the message from JR10 and her smile returned momentarily.

Lonelygirl: I find that sometimes you are the one person I want to talk to at the end of a difficult day. Is that weird? If it is, just skip over that part. I pride myself in being a positive person, but lately I’m finding it harder to find that little piece of joy before I get swallowed into a black hole of sadness. I guess what I’m trying to say is thank you for being that little piece of joy I needed tonight.

She closed her laptop as August emerged from the bathroom, towel wrapped around his waist. “I thought you were getting dressed?”

“My zipper broke.” She frowned, holding up the dress in front of her.

“So, wear that one with the flowers.”

“I hate that dress.”

“So, wear the plaid one or the one with stripes. Or the red one is nice.” He paused, looking at her closet. “Any of these is fine.”

“Yeah ok, the red one is good.”

An hour later they were in the elevator and heading to the penthouse for a publication party. They were generally dry and boring but a great opportunity to meet other writers, artists, and people in the book business.

“Maybe you can find some people to assist you in your plight tonight.”

“My plight? And what would that be?” She waited on an answer from August.

“From Jones Books, if things got tough perhaps you could find an ally to help rally support.”

“It’s not going to get to that. My store is doing just fine.” Emma replied angrily.

“I know, I don’t know why I said that, of course it’s fine.”

“There’s enough business for more than one bookstore. We’re fine.”

He kissed her cheek. “You’re more than fine, you’re absolutely fine.”

“Yeah, exactly, we’re fine.” She repeated as they stepped into the party at the top of the building unsure if she was trying to convince August or herself of the state of her business.

~*~

Killian and Milah had arrived early to the party, a friend of the family who was hosting a publishing event had invited them to join them that evening. His father told him more than once that these events were the perfect time to rub elbows with people in the book business. Free advertising, he used to tell him.

“Oh, I can’t believe that August Booth is here. I listen to him on the way to work, he is so inspiring.” Killian nodded without actually paying attention as he scanned the room, his eyes settling on a familiar face in the back corner.

Emma Swan.

His eyes grew big, and he leaned over to speak into Milah’s ear. “I’m going to get a drink.” She nodded and he slipped out of view of the woman from his rival bookstore before she could turn in his direction.

“Havana Club Rum, neat.” He gave his order to the bartender, glancing around the room to find Milah.

“Malibu and Cranberry.” He recognized her voice before he turned toward her. When he did she smiled, and her eyes grew wide. “Hey! Remember me? From the bookstore?”

“Yeah, yeah of course I remember you.”

“How’s your brother?”

“He’s good, really good.” He grabbed his drink and held it up in front of him. “I have to get back to my date, very thirsty, would hate to see her wither from dehydration.” He joked.

“You’re Killian right?” She continued and he felt the sweat start to gather at the back of his neck.

“Yes, and you’re Emma.” He said with a smile before ducking into the crowd to escape.

~*~

Emma sipped her drink as she made her way back over to August, sliding up beside him as his conversation ended.

“I can’t believe you were talking to Killian Jones.”

Emma turned toward him, “Jones, as in…”

“Jones Books.” He nodded but Emma was already making her way across the room toward the man standing at the food table.

“Jones, your name is Killian Jones?”

“Last I checked, Aye.” He shrugged, turning back to the food, and filling his plate.

“You were spying on me!” She declared loudly. “You probably don’t even have a brother.”

“You wound me Swan. Of course I have a brother. Why exactly do you think I would spy on you?” He said as if he didn’t have a care in the world who she was, which angered her even more.

“I’m your competition, which you already know or else you wouldn’t have played that little charade in my store.” She had her hands on her hips, chewing angrily on her bottom lip.

“Competition?” He said with an annoying laugh that made her blood boil. “The only reason I came into your store was because I was spending the day with my brother. I like to buy him gifts when I take him out because honestly I have no idea how else to keep his attention. At the time there was only one place in the neighborhood to buy children’s books, though as I am sure you are aware of now, all of that has changed.” He shrugged, “So I ended up in your store, and it is a charming littlestore. You probably sell $250,000 worth of books a year…”

Her eyes widened as she stepped toward him. “How did you know that?”

“I’m in the book business, obviously.” He said arrogantly.

“No, I’m in the book business, you are simply the Costco of books.”

“Ah I see, and so you think that I needed to sneak into your tiny bookstore and steal your financial ledger because I’m afraid you’ll put me out of business? Give me a break, love.” He snorted and Emma felt flustered, angry, but frozen in place.

“What?” He asked as he watched her standing in front of him, mouth agape, saying nothing.

“Killian Jones, corporate scum, destroyer of small-time virtues, enemy of the hardback novel, how do you sleep at night?” August joined her at her side and Emma forced herself to close her mouth as she stared between them.

“I sleep wonderful at night, mostly from the pills though.” A woman interrupted and jabbed her hand toward August. “You’re August Booth, aren’t you?” she paused. “I’m Milah Gold. And I loved your podcast last week about how Amazon is taking over the world.” She turned toward Killian. “This man is a literal genius.” Emma narrowed her eyes at the woman.

“Wow thank you; you have no idea how much that means coming from someone as talented as you. So often I wake up and worry that people will think I’m a fraud or a failure. But this…this is truly inspiring.” August seemed to suck the air out of the room as he continued to praise the woman standing next to her enemy.

“We need to talk more. Have you ever considered writing a book?” The woman continued and August began to shift excitedly on the balls of his feet. Emma stood stoically as her eyes made contact with the man who was trying to destroy her business. He held her gaze, not wavering from the contact until she shifted her eyes back to her boyfriend. She breathed a sigh of relief when Killian and the woman excused themselves from the conversation.

Emma couldn’t concentrate the rest of the evening. Why did she say nothing when he provoked her? Instead of standing up for herself she froze, completely shut down.

“I really liked that Milah Gold. Sure, I know she’s completely driven by money, but anyone who listens to my podcast can always be turned around.”

Emma rolled her eyes, tossing down onto her pillow and staring at the ceiling while he continued to ramble on and on about the evening.

~*~

“I can’t believe we met August Booth. He’s so interesting, don’t you think he’s interesting?” He turned over in his bed, staring at the floor. “His ideas are just so ahead of his time. No one is saying the things he’s saying.”

Killian flipped the covers off his body and stood from the bed. He was feeling uneasy, angry, guilty. Why was he feeling guilty?

“Where are you going?”

“Bloody hell woman, I’m just not tired.”

JR10: Have you ever woken up and realized that you have become the worst part of yourself? Like when someone provokes you, every arrogant, self-absorbed, condescending piece of your personality comes springing to life and attacks. Who am I kidding, you wouldn’t know what that is like? I’m the dark asshole here.

He stared at his screen, almost needing to talk to her, hoping that she was online. His heart soared when it showed she was typing.

Lonelygirl: I completely understand. I’m honestly jealous, I wish I had that in me. When I’m provoked, I freeze like a fish gulping for air, only to spend the rest of the night tossing in bed trying to think of things I should have said instead.

He laughed; he couldn’t believe how opposite they were. She was a breath of fresh air.

JR10: Perhaps I could lend you some of my retorts and you could give me your silence. Though I must warn you, when you finally provide that perfect response that digs into the subject of your attack, you will learn a new trait. Remorse.

He paused, staring at his screen, and thinking about doing something really stupid. Or possibly brilliant. He wasn’t sure which it was.

JR10: Do you think we should meet?

He hovered over the enter button, did he really think it was a good idea to meet this woman? Before he could change his mind he punched the button sending the message and closing the lid of his computer.

~*~

“He wants to meet you?” Emma groaned and leaned against the counter, Ruby staring at her from her spot in front of the shelves. “What did you tell him?”

“I wasn’t going to answer him on an empty stomach. So, I made breakfast and then chickened out and ran straight to work.”

“That’ll show him.” Will joked as he nudged her with his shoulder. “Left him on read.”

“Oh stop.” Emma whined. “I’ll answer him, later.” She sighed, walking back to her office, and staring at her invoices. Sales were down by 30% since Jones books had opened. She was never going to survive at this rate. She needed to do something drastic.

“It’s a shame you don’t know anyone with a voice to the public. Someone who knows how to tug at the heartstrings of America’s bleeding heart.”

Emma looked up to see Mrs. Lucas entering the room. “You aren’t suggesting…”

“That man candy of yours.”

“Don’t call him that.” Emma scrunched her nose and shuffled the papers in front of her.

“Come on, he’s nice on the eyes that man of yours.”

“I guess.”

“If you can only guess, then maybe you’re looking up a different tree.”

Emma’s mouth dropped, “Grans! That’s completely inappropriate.”

The woman shrugged and left the room. “I’ll take him if you’re done with him.” She hollered back as she left.

Emma was being completely unfair to August, there was no way she should meet this JR10. Things were perfect just the way they were. She loved August, he was good to her, and all she was doing was having a conversation with a computer screen.

That’s all.

Nothing more.

As soon as she got home she opened her laptop, determined that this was the right decision.

Lonleygirl: I don’t think we should meet. Why would we ruin what we have? I enjoy talking to you, you enjoy talking to me, why mess with that? Please don’t ask again.

~*~

Killian sat with his dog in his lap and his laptop sitting beside him as he read the incoming message.

“Good job Jones, you scared her.” He patted the dog’s head. “I’m officially an idiot.”

He slammed the laptop shut, unsure how to reply to the woman.

The days went by in a flurry as the store picked up steam. Every time he walked through the expansive store, it was buzzing with customers, passing over credit cards, picking up bundles of books at an affordable rate. He was saving them money, he was a goddamn hero, he thought.

But as he was standing in the checkout line at the grocery store, waiting for any sign of movement in the past ten minutes, his sour mood was making him feel anything like a hero.

“Can you believe this woman?” The man in front of him complained to his wife. “She’s trying to pay with a credit card in the cash only line.”

Killian leaned to the side, trying to see who was causing the delay when he spotted the golden hair, angry face, and an ass that would make any man’s groin twitch. He laughed, cursing his luck, but stepping forward toward her anyway.

“Do you need cash?”

She turned toward him and groaned. “Definitely not, thank you.” She growled.

“Hi, Ashley.” He smiled at the cashier. “This is Emma, I’m Killian. This is a credit card machine, is it not, Lass?” The woman stared at him, nodding with her mouth agape. “It’s the night before Thanksgiving, people are hungry, tired, and I’m sure you would prefer everyone go home so that you can get off your shift, am I right?”

The woman smiled. “It’s cash only.”

“But you have the ability to run it through. Zip zip.” He said as he pretended to push the card through the machine.

The woman took the card and groaned, “Fine.” She said as she ran it through the machine.

“Everything good now?”

“Just great.” Emma replied rolling her eyes.

“Happy Thanksgiving.” He said with a fake smile, turning his back and inserting himself into the line to a swell of cheers and pats on the back.

~*~

Emma found that she was running into Killian everywhere she went to her utter dismay. Suddenly he was at her coffee shop, grocery store, and even the gas station. When he pulled up on his stupid motorcycle she wanted to comment about how he must be overcompensating for something, but that would mean having to speak to him. So instead, she found herself hiding anytime he showed up. Sure, it was ridiculous, but she just didn’t want to face him again after the credit card incident.

As much as seeing Killian was causing her sour mood, she knew that wasn’t the only reason. She hadn’t heard back from JR10 since she told him she didn’t want to meet him. She supposed it was for the best, she never intended for it to go anywhere in the first place.

But everything seemed to be going wrong lately. Killian, JR10, her store. Emma wanted to feel happy, especially during the holidays, but instead she just felt depressed.

She stood at the store display window, watching the children walk by with their parents, snow falling softly in the background, and normally this would bring her all the joy she needed to keep from missing her mom during the holidays. Instead, the little yellow “Jones Books” bags in the hands of the happy children only brought her sadness.

When she got home, she did the one thing that had made her happy recently. She ignored the awkward feelings, sat down with her cocoa, and opened her laptop to message JR10.

Lonelygirl: I miss my mom. The holidays aren’t the same without her. I don’t think I ever told you, but my mom passed ten years ago. Fuck cancer. She always made the holidays special and I’m just really feeling down this year and I guess nothing feels special anymore because nothing is going right in my life anymore and I could really use her advice.

She got up and stood by her window, tears falling onto her cheeks. She laughed as she watched the snow falling. “Suddenly I’m a mess, mom. I miss you.”

A sound alerted her to a new message, and she wiped her face, slowly taking a seat in front of the screen.

JR10: My mother passed when I was 4. Holidays are always difficult. It was a car accident that took her, my father never really knew what to do with two young boys. Intimacy wasn’t exactly his thing. I miss her most around Christmas. She loved the snow. I don’t remember much about her, but I remember that she looked like an angel in the snow. What kind of advice do you need? Maybe I can help.

Emma smiled, happy that he had responded so quickly and didn’t mention anything about the previous awkwardness of her declining to meet him.

Lonelygirl: I don’t think you can help me.

JR10: Is it man trouble?

Lonelygirl: No definitely not. My business is in trouble.

JR10: I’m a great businessman, what kind of business do you have?

Lonelygirl: That’s rule #2 remember! No specifics.

JR10: Well, it’s going to be difficult to help without specifics, but I guess the best advice I can give you is that nothing in business is personal. It’s not personal, it’s business. Don’t go down without a fight. A man, or therefore woman, unwilling to fight for what they want, deserve what they get. You told me that you worried about not being brave in life. This is your chance. Fight to the death.

Emma closed her laptop and looked in the mirror. “It’s not personal, it’s business.” She narrowed her eyes. “It’s not personal, it’s business.” She said louder as August walked into the room.

“What’s not personal?”

“Jones Books.” She announced. “I’m going to war. And I want you to help me fight them.” August walked over and lifted her off the ground, spinning her around.

“There’s my girl. Let’s take it to the man.”

~*~

“You are what you read, save your soul, boycott Jones Books.” Killian glared at the poster attached to the window of his store. Ripping it from the glass he stormed into the store, marching to the back and into Belle’s office. “What is this crap?”

“They’re all over the streets, I’m finding them on the back of the registers, on my car. That little bookstore that none of you cared about, means business. Did you know they got that podcaster, August Booth to devote an entire hour of his next show comparing us to sharks that attack children on the beach?”

“Of course she did, I believe she’s dating the man.”

“Who is?”

“Emma, the owner of Golden Swan Books.”

“You know her?”

“Might have met her once.”

“Oh God.” Belle recoiled and reached for her remote on her desk, turning the volume up on the television above their head.

“I’m here with Emma Swan, owner of the quaint children’s bookstore Golden Swan Books. The store is struggling to remain open under the constant attack of the new super store Jones Books that opened down the block. Emma how are you?”

“Thank you for having me, you know I just want to say that Jones Books may have cheap books and wonderful coffee selections, but most of their employees have never even read a book in their life.”

Killian groaned. “She’s a real pain in the ass.”

“Is she now?” Bell mused. “I’m sure she’s not nearly as beautiful in person as she is on television.” She smirked.

“Oh no, she’s gorgeous, but a bloody pain in the ass.”

“You don’t feel bad that you are basically destroying her livelihood?”

“It’s not personal…”

“It’s business.” She finished for him.

“Besides, I’m not physically doing this, it’s the company. I’m not this big bad guy here. I’m just doing my job.” He complained. “I sell discounted books. So, sue me. Because of me, more people get to…OH MY GOD…buy books.” He dramatically paced the office, his hands flailing as Belle looked on with a smile. “What?”

“Nothing.” She shrugged, looking back down at her computer.

When Killian left the store an hour later it was to a line of people holding signs and screaming in his face. “One, two, three, four, we don’t want this superstore.”

~*~

Emma stared at the papers in front of her. “Wait, so it made no difference at all?”

“Sorry, dear, doesn’t look like it. In fact, we’ve lost more this month than we did the previous three before their store even opened.”

Emma exhaled loudly. “So, we lost?” Her shoulders hunched and she felt the air inside of her deflate. “What would mom do?”

“I don’t know, dear, but the store looks lovely.”

Emma smiled weakly as the woman left the office, slumping against her desk, she cried softly. She walked home in the rain, not even bothering to shield herself from the conditions. By the time she reached her apartment her clothes were soaked to her skin, her hair dripping onto the tile floor, and her tears were drowned by the moisture.

Sinking down at her desk, she opened her laptop and typed.

Lonleygirl: I need help. Do you still want to meet?

Emma tapped her nails on the keyboard, waiting anxiously for a reply. It didn’t take long for her to get one.

JR10: I’m happy to help. Do you know the Diner on 83rd? Friday, 7pm?

“Wait, you’re meeting him?” Ruby gaped.

“Like in person? That’s bloody dangerous, Emma.” Will scolded.

“You both are being ridiculous. We’re meeting in a public place. It’s fine.” She folded her arms across her chest and turned toward the older woman in the room. “Tell them Grans.”

“There are worse ways to meet men.” She laughed.

“Did you tell August?” Ruby inquired.

“No.” She said as she lowered her head. “He’s out of town this weekend. Some podcast convention in Los Angeles.”

“Aye, so that makes it alright to meet strange men you’ve been chattin’ with online?”

“I’m not going to stay long; we’re just eating food. That’s all.” She protested as Will made a gesture that indicated a sexual act. Emma groaned and punched him in the shoulder. “You’re disgusting. It’s just dinner. That’s all. 45 mins, an hour, tops.”

~*~

“I’m not even going to stay that long.” Killian protested as he and Belle walked the darkened streets.

“So how does this work? How are you going to know who she is?”

“She said she’ll have a book with a single rose.”

“A book, are you sure she doesn’t already know who you are?”

“It’s a common thing, from a book or something.” He mused and Belle rolled her eyes. “Do you think this is ridiculous, am I purposely trying to destroy a good thing with Milah?”

“Well, you do have a tendency to ruin things that could possibly lead to a future.” She laughed. “But I haven’t quite figured out why you and Milah are still together, honestly.”

“I love her.”

“Do you? Because I kinda think if you did, you wouldn’t be meeting up with random women you’ve been talking to online.”

Killian stopped walking and looked up at the door to the restaurant. “I can’t do this.” He started to turn away before spinning back toward the restaurant. “God, why do I need to meet this woman so badly that I can’t walk away?” He looked over at Belle. “Go look. Tell me if you can see her.”

“Oh, for goodness sake, Killian. Do you want me to go in and have dinner with her too?”

“Only if she’s horrid.” He teased. “Please, Belle.” She climbed the stairs, peering through the window. “Do you see her?”

“Oh wow, she’s gorgeous.” Belle grinned. “Oh wait, no flower. Sorry.”

“Lass, this woman is a marvel. Even if she looks like her smiley face icon on discord, I may have no choice but to upend my life and marry her tomorrow.”

“Wait, I see a book.” Belle squealed, “And a flower…” She moved around the window. “The waiters in the way.” She peered again through the window. “Oh. Um…”

“What is it? Blonde, Brunette…is she a red head?”

“She’s gorgeous.”

“Bloody hell, I knew it.” He yelped.

“Yeah, definitely. I would say she’s as beautiful as Emma Swan.”

“The bookstore woman?” He asked confused.

“You said she was attractive.”

“Why are we even talking about Emma Swan right now?”

“Because, if you don’t like Emma Swan, you’re definitely not going to like this woman.”

“Why not?” Killian growled.

“Because she is Emma Swan.” Killian ran up the stairs, pushing himself against Belle and peering into the restaurant.

“Bloody hell.” He watched as Emma sat at the table, a soft smile across her lips, adjusting the book and the flower on the table as she nervously watched the door. Killian sighed and turned away from the door, walking back to the sidewalk.

“Where are you going?” Belle said loudly. “You’re just gonna let her sit there alone?”

“Yes, that’s exactly what I’m going to do.”

“But she’s lonelygirl, you were desperate to know who she was just ten minutes ago.”

“Goodnight Belle.” He said sadly, walking back toward his apartment.

~*~

Emma stared anxiously at the door, inspecting every person who walked through the entrance. When a tall man entered, smiling at her as he turned the corner, she stood up to greet him only for another woman to rush toward him, pulling her into his arms. Emma sat down, feeling dejected, her stomach tied in knots from disappointment. She couldn’t believe JR10 stood her up.

Maybe he was too good to be true.

“Ma’am, do you want your check?”

“No, can I have another glass of wine, please.” The waiter smiled and nodded sadly at her.

“Excuse me Ma’am.” Emma looked up excitedly at a young man standing next to her table. Ok he was a little younger than she expected, but age didn’t matter, right? “Are you using this chair?”

Emma narrowed her eyes as he started to remove the other chair from her table. “Put it down.” She bit her lip. “Sorry, I’m using it, I have a date, he’s coming.” The man apologized and Emma hollered after him. “He’s late.” She groaned as the door swung open and she felt like everything was moving in slow motion until it came to a screeching halt.

Killian Jones. Are you fucking kidding me?

He walked past her table, and she saw him react when he recognized her. His hands traced her table before picking up her book and making a face. She grabbed it from his hands and placed it back on her table. “Do you mind?”

“Not at all.” He said, taking a seat across from her.

“I’m sorry, but that seat is taken.”

He looked around with an air of arrogance, “Is he invisible? Do you have an invisible friend now?” He stood and apologized to the chair.

“Would you please leave.”

He had the nerve to bow, which made her blood boil. But instead of walking away, he took the table behind her, sitting down and leaning closer to her. “You know I’ve read that book.”

Emma looked down at her book. “You’ve read Pride and Prejudice?”

“I think you’d find a lot of things surprising about me, if you actually knew me.”

Emma glared at him, “If I got to know you I bet I’d find a cash register instead of a brain and instead of a heart, a bottom line.” Her mouth dropped.

“What’s wrong?” He replied after seeing the look on her face.

“I just did something I’ve never been able to do before. When confronted by a terrible and insensitive person, I knew exactly what to say, exactly at the right time.”

“I must agree, congratulations, it was the perfect mixture of poetry and mean spiritedness.”

“Mean spirted? I beg your pardon?”

“Don’t be offended, I was paying you a compliment, lass.”

“Please leave, I beg you.” She said on the verge of tears.

She reached into her purse, pulling out her handkerchief and dabbing the corners of her eyes.

“You know what that reminds me of? The first time we met.” He said reverently.

“You mean the day you lied to me when you were spying on me.”

“Hey, I never lied to you.”

She snorted. “Yeah whatever helps you sleep at night.”

The door opened and they both turned toward the door. A short man with an angry face entered the room. “I’m going to venture a guess that this is not him either. Who could your mystery man be? Will you be mean to him too?”

“Of course I won’t because the man I’m meeting is nothing like you. He’s kind and sweet and a much better man than you.”

“Except that he’s stood you up, it’s bad form to leave a lady waiting.”

“If he’s not here, then he has a good reason. Because there isn’t a mean bone in his entire body. But you wouldn’t know that because you’re just a jerk in a leather jacket who thinks he’s better than everyone else.” She turned away from him, crossing her arms over her chest.

“And that’s my cue to leave.” He said softly, in a voice that sounded almost disappointed. But Emma didn’t care, all she wanted was to be alone.

~*~

“Somewhere inside that hard exterior must be the same woman who writes to you online, maybe underneath it all she’s just…”

“A real bitch.” He replied to Belle. “Can we not talk about Emma Swan? I’m going back to the office.” He said with annoyance, walking out of the back office and slipping out of the store onto the street. He hated that this woman was still driving him mad. She was a thorn in his side, infuriating, and troublesome and yet all he could think about was the way she wrote to him, the way he waited anxiously just to see that message pop up on screen.

More than anything, he missed her.

~*~

“So, he stood you up?” Ruby said angrily.

“Or he got injured.” Emma interjected and Will laughed. “Seriously, what if he had an accident on the way to restaurant? What if he’s lying in a hospital bed right now?”

“What if he’s a bloody murderer and he was meeting up with you to kill you?”

“Will!” Ruby exclaimed.

“I’m not bloody kidding, remember that murder at my apartment a few weeks back? They caught the guy, last night!” He pulled out his phone, searching for the information and holding up the screen to show them a picture of the man who was arrested the previous night.

“Oh my God.” Emma said cupping her hand over her mouth.

“Emma, that’s not him.” Ruby said rolling her eyes.

“But what if it is.”

“You’re making excuses, so you don’t feel sad about getting stood up, I get it, I do.”

Emma frowned; she knew her friend was right. She was sad, and maybe a little bit angry at JR10 for standing her up. Even though he hadn’t sent her a message since last night, perhaps she needed to let him know how she felt.

Lonelygirl: I’m thinking about you. Last night I went to meet you and you didn’t show up. I wish I could understand why. I feel like such a fool. But while I waited for you to arrive, another man showed up. A man who has effectively been trying to ruin my professional life. But the most amazing thing happened, for the first time in my life, I was able to say exactly what I wanted at exactly the right time. But just as you said, I immediately felt regret for saying them. I was mean, and I’m never mean. And even if it didn’t hurt him, because honestly, he just thinks of me as a bug to crush under his feet, but what if it did hurt him? I behaved badly and that made me sad. Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I consider you a dear friend, and I hope you had a good reason for not being there tonight, but if you didn’t and we never speak again, then I want you to know how much this time with you has meant to me. How much it has meant just to know you were there.

Emma shut down her laptop, wiping the tears from her eyes and crawling into bed.

~*~

Killian paced in front of his desk, reading the message from Emma again. He stopped for a moment, glaring at the screen before walking away and getting a bottle of rum from his kitchen. He poured a glass and took a sip. He wasn’t going to reply to her. He would just let it end this way and be done with this charade.

He poured another glass and walked toward his desk, turning sharply, and heading to the living room. Sitting down on the couch he turned on the television and his vision blurred to the sounds of some mindless television show playing out ridiculous scenes on screen.

Sipping his glass, he swallowed, the warm liquid coating his throat as it slid into his belly. “Fuck.” He cursed, standing up and walking back to his desk. Looking at the screen he re-read the message from Emma for the fourth time that evening.

Fine, he thought. I’m actually going to do this.

JR10: I’m in Vancouver.

He laughed and hit the backspace button, deleting what he had written.

JR10: I was stuck in a meeting; a microburst took out the entire block so there was no way I could reach out.

“Ridiculous.” He said out loud, erasing the message again.

JR10: I cannot explain what happened last night, but I feel terrible, love. I wasn’t there for you and instead I caused you more pain. I’m sure that whatever you said last night was provoked, even deserved. You expected to find someone you trusted and met the enemy instead. I truly am sorry; the fault is mine alone. I hope that one day I will be able to explain to you what happened, in the meantime, I’m here for you. Please talk to me.

~*~

“So, he didn’t tell you why he didn’t show up?”

“Nope, just that he would explain another time.”

“Sounds like a scam to me.” Ruby said, biting her lip.

Mrs. Lucas cleared her throat. “What have you decided, dear?”

Emma frowned, sipping her tea slowly. “I don’t think we have a choice. We’re going to have to close.”

“Emma, I’m so sorry.” Ruby offered beside her.

“I feel like such a failure, like I’m just giving up, letting him win. It feels like mom is…”

“Oh, sweet girl, closing the store doesn’t keep her alive. No matter how much you want it to.”

Emma cried that evening, staring at empty shelves, barren walls, a darkened store that would forever be gone. She imagined her mother, looking down at her while she danced in circles around her legs. Had she really lost or was this just her being brave? Maybe trying something new was the brave thing to do? Letting go of the past, her safety net.

As she sat across from August, staring at him while he spoke between bites, she realized that for the first time in her life, she could be anything that she wanted.

“I have an Amazon prime account.” She announced.

He paused, “What?”

“I know, I know, they are evil incarnate, but when I buy something, I get it the next day and that’s pretty awesome and I should have told you, but I didn’t.” She let the statement hang in the air.

“Since when do you shop online?”

“I know, I suppose you could never be with someone that buys items online from large corporations.”

He laughed. “Forget about it, I forgive you. It’s fine.”

Emma glared at him. “You forgive me?” She took a long drink of her wine while August stared at her with concern growing on his face.

“What’s wrong Emma?” Suddenly the dam burst, and tears started to stream down her face. “Hey, don’t do that. Emma, it’s alright. This has been a tough week with the store closing.”

“It’s not that though, August, I need…”

“That was insensitive of me.”

Emma sniffled. “What was?”

“To bring up the store, when you’re having a hard time and I’m the one who’s…” He took a quick drink and reached out to take her hand. “Emma I don’t know how to say this. I think you are an amazing person, and honestly I’m so honored that you chose me because I know that means something to you and…”

“You don’t love me.” She said suddenly realizing what he was trying to tell her. He frowned, squeezing her hand and Emma burst into a fit of giggles. “That’s wonderful news, I don’t love you either.”

“But we’re so right for each other.” He mused.

“I know, it doesn’t make sense. Is there someone else?”

“Nothing that’s happened, but there is a woman, I don’t know. What about you? Is there someone else for you?”

Emma sighed sadly. “No, but there is the dream of someone else.”

#love war and books #stacy's fics #killian jones #emma swan #captain swan #captain swan fics #captain swan au #captain swan modern au

[thewalkingdeadimaginings]

When I Found You

Can I have a Tara x fem reader where the reader and her family are a new group Alexandrian's meet and Tara starts to fall for her ? X

 Hey guys! I know I’ve been away, not updating anything for the last year. I guess I haven’t felt too much motivation with everything that’s been going on this past year. And my mental health has gone up and down a lot lately. I’ve…developed anxiety? Which is a weird feeling. But on a more positive note, I turned 26 on March 4th so that’s exciting. Anyways, I thought with my return, I’d try something new. I currently have two work-in-progress one shots that I’ve been stuck on so I’m setting them aside for now. I hope you enjoy this.

 Note: Y/M/N = Your mom’s name // Y/D/N = Your dad’s name

 Also, just know that hate will NOT be tolerated and any negative comments will be deleted and you’ll be blocked. If you’re anti-LGBTQ+, I don’t know what you’re doing here anyway following a bisexual writer so…just so ya know…keep all nasty comments to yourself.

             Was it bad to fall in love so easily? Tara always found herself in trouble because of that so she’d always felt it was. She’d had her heart broken so many times, lost so many that maybe it was best for her to be alone. At least for a little while. She’d made peace with it by now, keeping herself busy by going on more runs, taking more shifts at the gate, and any other small tasks that needed to be done.

             “Hey, I’m here to relieve you,” Rosita declared as she climbed up to the top of the fence to stand beside Tara, “Maybe now you can go relax. I’m tired just watching you. Are you okay?”

             “Yeah, yeah I’m fine,” Tara replied, “Just…trying to keep busy, ya know? No big deal.”

             “I get it,” Rosita said, “I just think you should maybe slow down a little bit. You don’t wanna overwork yourself. No one would hold it against you.”

             Before Tara could argue further, she was interrupted by Michonne, who was emerging from the woods and making her presence known so Eugene could open up the gate. She had a small group with her, though Tara couldn’t make out the details on who they were. But it appeared to be an older couple and a young woman with them. Tara, completely ignoring her friend’s advice, climbed down to meet Michonne.

             “What’s going on?” Tara inquired as Michonne stepped through the gate, “New people?”

             Michonne nodded, “This is Y/N and these are her parents, Y/M/N and Y/D/N. Y/N was fighting off walkers practically on her own. They needed proper shelter here.”

             Tara turned to meet your gaze and her words caught in her throat at first. Seeing how beautiful you were even slightly hidden under blood stains was almost overwhelming at first. But she had to stop herself. No, she remembered it was a bad thing to fall so easily. You hadn’t even spoken to her yet. She couldn’t get caught up in a pretty face.

             “All on your own?” Tara finally managed, “Impressive. You must be exhausted.”

             “Anything for my mom and dad,” you replied with a small chuckle. You stuffed your hands in your pants pockets and let out a heavy sigh, “But yeah, I’m pretty tired. We’re lucky that Michonne found us. I don’t know how much longer we would’ve made it out there. I’m pretty impressed myself actually. Never thought I’d see…I dunno…civilization again.”

             “Neither did I,” Tara said, “But there’s plenty of other communities just like us. World’s getting a little bigger these days.”

             You nodded in agreement as your parents walked off with Michonne. You pointed at the three of them as you started to follow, “I should get going, get cleaned up and sleep for once. What’d you say your name was?”

             “I didn’t, it’s Tara,” she replied.

             You grinned as you gave Tara a playful salute, “Well, I’ll see you around, Tara.”

 * * *

             The next few days, Tara tried her best to keep things light with you because the more time you spent together, the harder it would soon become to suppress any feelings. But you were certainly not making it easy with the way you smiled at her, the way you touched her arm while you spoke. Sometimes, she just wasn’t able to avoid you as the two of you had guard duty together. You were quiet for a while which was a relief for Tara but she also couldn’t stand the silence between the two of you.

             “So…” Tara said, finally breaking the silence. She felt your eyes on her but she wouldn’t turn to face you, “You never told me where you were from before all this.”

             “I was from Connecticut,” you said, “I was living with my boyfriend at the time. We got separated in the very beginning and I haven’t seen him since. I have no idea if he’s alive.”

             Tara’s heart sank at the mention of a boyfriend. It was probably better this way anyway. Tara couldn’t risk your life just because she caught feelings too quickly. She sighed and gave you a small nod, “I’m sorry to hear that. I just lost my girlfriend. I won’t get into details but…it’s been hard.”

             “Oh, I’m so sorry for your loss,” you replied, “It doesn’t get easier even when all you know is death now, ya know?”

             Tara nodded in agreement, “Yeah. It makes me…hesitant to let anyone in again. Denise…she wasn’t the first girlfriend I lost. It just…feels like maybe I’m meant to be alone.”

             “Oh Tara,” you mumbled. You placed your hand on her shoulder and lightly squeezed, running your hand back and forth across her upper back. Your touch made her shiver but she tried her best to hide it, “Tara, no one’s meant to be alone. Humans are social creatures. We need other people. I think the world has shown us that lately. We can’t make it alone.”

             “I guess I can’t argue with that,” Tara said, leaning slightly into your arms, “It’s just scary, ya know?”

             “I know,” you said, “You’ll get through this. It looks like you have a great family here. And you can always talk to me too. As long as you don’t keep avoiding me like you have been.”

             “Y/N, I haven’t been avoiding you,” Tara replied nervously, “I’ve just been…busy.”

             “Look, I’m not stupid,” you said sternly, “I’m not sure what I did but I hope one day, you can feel comfortable enough to talk to me.”

             “It’s nothing you did,” Tara said, “It’s…it’s complicated.”

             “No, I get it,” you said, “You just said you’re afraid to let people in again. But I can promise you that I’m not going anywhere. I’ve survived things that should’ve killed me but I’m still here. You don’t have to be afraid of losing me.”

             Tara stared at you for a long time, her eyes drifting down to your mouth, your tongue darting across your lips. You smiled warmly at her, reaching up to hold her face in your hands, “We’re gonna be fine, right?”

             “Yeah,” Tara said in a whisper. Her body moved involuntarily and she acted before she could even think it, leaning in to kiss your lips. You surprised her by welcoming her kiss, your hands moving to the back of her neck. It felt like such a relief to kiss you, to feel her touch, like she was starving for it. The relief didn’t last long though. As her head began to clear, she started thinking about what she’d just done and she quickly pulled away from you, “Oh my god. I’m so sorry, Y/N. I didn’t mean to…I…”

             “Hey,” you said softly after a moment of stunned silence, “It’s okay, Tara. I’m not upset I actually-”

             Tara scrambled down the ladder, “I have to go. I’ll send someone to relieve me. But I’ve gotta go.”

             “Tara, wait!” you called out after her. You wanted to run after her but you couldn’t leave the fence without someone watching it so all you could do was watch Tara walk off in a huff, “Tara! Fuck.”

 * * *

             After asking Rosita to take over with guard duty for the rest of her shift, Tara stayed hidden in her house for the rest of the afternoon. Rosita had asked what happened but Tara couldn’t bring herself to explain it. She forced a kiss on a girl who obviously wasn’t interested in women. Everything about that was wrong and she couldn’t stand to face you for that.

             Hours had passed with Tara lying on her couch staring at the ceiling when there was a knock on her door, “Tara, open up. It’s me, Y/N. I know you’re home.”

             “Y/N, I don’t feel like talking,” Tara groaned. The door swung open and you stood at the doorway, pointing at Tara with a grimace on your face. Tara sat up, eyes wide in shock, “Y/N! What the hell?”

             “I’m not leaving until we talk about this,” you snapped as you slammed the door behind you. Approaching the couch, you jabbed Tara in the shoulder, “Now, why would you avoid me, then kiss me, then run away from me? You know you’re giving me whiplash!”

             “You know why I’ve been avoiding you?” Tara grumbled, “Because I like you, okay?! But you’re not into women and then I kissed you anyway even though I knew that. How are you not upset?”

             “Maybe you should’ve let me finish my sentence earlier before you ran off,” you snarled, “Because I was going to say that I wasn’t upset. I actually liked it. I liked kissing you.”

             “But you’re-”

             “I said I had a boyfriend, I never said I was straight,” you interjected, “I had a girlfriend until about a month or so ago. And I was like you! I thought I’d never find another person that I could feel that way for ever again. And then I walked through those gates and saw you and everything changed for me. You know how hard it was on me being avoided by you? I had to switch things around just to end up on guard duty with you.”

             “Wow,” Tara sighed, “I had no idea.”

             “Because you weren’t letting yourself,” you said. You let out a sigh and you flopped down on the couch by Tara’s feet, patting her legs, “I’m sorry for the rant, Tara. I’ve just never met anyone so frustrating and stubborn. But I really liked that kiss.”

             “Yeah?” Tara said, tucking her legs under her body and scooting closer to you. You moved with her until there were only inches separating you, “Well, I’m sorry for cutting it short then.”

             You tucked her dark hair behind her ear, biting your bottom lip, “We could always pick it up where we left off.”

             Before Tara could make the move, you gripped onto her neck and pulled her in for another kiss. Tara felt you smile against her lips before you pulled away, letting out a giggle, “I really like you a lot, Tara. And I’m not going anywhere.”

             Tara’s cheeks ached with how much she was smiling as she rested her hands on your hips, “I don’t intend on letting anything ever happen to you.”

             As you pulled her back in for another kiss, this one more aggressive than the last, Tara felt like the fear in her was melting away. She never thought she’d be able to open up to another person and then there you were, almost like you were sent here to show her she didn’t have to be afraid. Maybe falling fast wasn’t such a bad thing sometimes.

 HEY GUYS I’M GLAD TO BE BACK. I hope this turned out okay. Love you guys so much. Maybe I’ll update one of my stories next? What do you guys think?

#The Walking Dead #TWD #The Walking Dead fanfiction #TWD fanfiction #TWD One shot #Tara Chambler

[blu-joons]

BTS Reaction: You Have Cystic Fibrosis

Jin:

The whole night Jin had been disturbed by your persistent chest infection. He knew there was nothing you could do about it, but after his long day at the studio, all he wanted was a peaceful night’s sleep to feel better.

“I’m sorry if you didn’t sleep well last night,” you sighed, noticing his tired expression the following morning. “I tried to be quiet.”

“Hey, it’s fine,” he quickly comforted, hating how worked up you got yourself about it. “It’s not your fault, it’s just one of those things.”

“Look how tired you are though, and that’s because of me.” He shook his head, determined not to make you feel guilty about this. “You should have put me in the spare room or something, kept me out of your way.”

His arms wrapped tightly around you, “there is no way I would do that, I don’t mind.”

“I feel like you just say that, it must be annoying sometimes,” you argued, but he continued to shake his head. “Do you really mean that?”

“Of course. The cough is just one of those things, it doesn’t matter.”

Yoongi:

You’d been nothing but honest about your fears of having a baby with Yoongi as a result of your cystic fibrosis. At times, you felt like the odds were stacked against you, whether your baby would have it or not.

“I get you’re scared, but there is also a strong possibility it won’t carry,” he tried to assure you. He was desperate to start a family with you.

“It’s easy for you though, you don’t think about the life a baby could have with it,” you reasoned, having suffered all your life yourself.

“But think of the life if they didn’t. I appreciate that there is always that small chance they could, but there is an even bigger chance they won’t, and that’s what we’ve got to look forward to,” he sighed, pressing a soft kiss to the top of your head.

Your hands cupped his cheeks gently, “I don’t want to feel like I’m letting you down.”

“You’re not,” he quickly responded, “at all. I’ll still be around, whatever, but I just think we could have the perfect family together.”

“I agree, maybe you were right all along.”

Hoseok:

For most of the day Hobi had spotted you struggling to cope with your cough. He’d provided you with endless drinks and remedies to soothe your throat, but as you settled down to head to bed, he knew that you weren’t right.

“I’m going to stack the bed high to try and stop you wheezing,” he informed you, picking up all the cushions from the spare rooms.

“I’ll be alright,” you tried to argue, but he’d already laid you down. “You really don’t need to fuss about me Hobi, it’s you I feel sorry for.”

“Why? I’m not the one who wakes up most of the night coughing.” He had you positioned high to try and give you a bit more air. “I switch off to it after a while, it’s a lot worse for you than it is for me, I promise you that.”

You laid him down beside you, “I’m sorry if I do ever disturb you, you know I don’t mean to.”

“I know,” he softly smiled, “it can’t be helped, it’s just one of those unfortunate things in life we have to carry on with, which you do so well.”

“I try my best, especially with your support.”

Namjoon:

You stood up from the sofa, feeling your weak legs buckle underneath you, sending you toppling back down where you crashed. Namjoon was quick to notice you fall down beside him, catching you the best he could in his arms.

“You don’t have much strength today do you,” he giggled, wrapping his arms around your waist, lifting you up to steady you.

“I’m just a bit tired, that’s all, nothing to panic about,” you smiled, using his support to walk into the kitchen and grab yourself a drink.

“It terrifies me one day you’re going to come home with your bones in plaster with how weak they can be sometimes, it’s not fair,” he huffed, filled with empathy for you. “I wish I could pass some of my strength onto you sometimes.”

You reached up, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “You’re adorable, but I’m fine, I promise.”

“I know you are, but that doesn’t stop me feeling terrible for you,” he chuckled, taking the drink to help you move. “It just sucks that this happens.”

“In life, we’ve got to make the most out of a bad situation.”

Jimin:

His arms wrapped around you, feeling your fragility, over the years, he’d learnt a lot about your body and could tell when things weren’t quite right. For a couple of weeks, you’d been trying to put weight on, but with little success.

“I don’t think I can eat much more, all I want is to put on a couple of pounds so I’m not so malnourished, it’s impossible,” you complained.

“Maybe we need to look at your diet,” Jimin proposed, sitting down with you on the sofa. “Weight increase is harder, but surely there’s got to be something we could do. Try eating different foods or eat at more regular intervals in the day.”

“Most people would find it so easy to put on weight, but not me,” you sighed, resting against his strong frame.

His arm wrapped around you, pulling you close. “We’ll figure out something together jagi.”

“I know,” you giggled, “I think I need a few more nutrients, too many aren’t being absorbed because of this, maybe that could help.”

“It’s as good a start as any. Let’s give it a go.”

Taehyung:

Telling Tae about your cystic fibrosis terrified you, you didn’t want him to feel bad for you, or feel as though he had to do anything for you. But he couldn’t have been more supportive, wanting to learn all about it.

“It’s basically a build up of mucus in the lungs, I’ve had it since birth, so I don’t know anything else,” you informed him, sitting at the table together.

“Does it bother you much? Or is it just something you learn to live with?” He asked, trying to find out if there was any way he could help you.

“I learn to live with it, I have a few problems, I get a few chest infections and constipation, but I just get on with things. It used to be quite restrictive and shorten life span, but things like that have improved these days, luckily for me.”

“You’re so brave,” he smiled, reaching for your hand, “it’s incredible what all this medical research can do these days.”

Your head nodded, “I’m looking at another decade at least because of it all.”

“Wow,” he chuckled, brushing his thumb against the back of your hand, “well I for one am very happy to know you will be around for a bit longer.”

“Me too, especially when I get to spend it with you.”

Jungkook:

The buzz of Jungkook’s alarm told you both the wait was over, as he reached across the table, picking up the pregnancy test and turning it around. A deflated sigh came from you as you caught sight of the negative sign across it.

“Don’t get upset,” he was quick to encourage, “it will happen when it happens, we knew we were going to have some problems getting pregnant.”

“But this is so annoying,” you cried out in frustration, “months we’ve been trying Kook and nothing is happening. How much longer can we wait.”

“Forever,” he replied assuring you, “I will wait forever if it means starting a family with you. So what, we’ve had a few curveballs thrown our way, but I just have a good feeling that our time is coming soon and everything will fall into place.”

You tilted back, cuddling into his side, “you always know how to make me feel better in these times.”

“I know it’s hard and upsetting, but we’ve got to keep positive, we can’t keep giving up on our dreams just because it’s not worked straight away.”

“You’re right, gosh I am so lucky to have you in my life.”

---

Masterlist

#bts #bts imagine #bts fluff #bts angst #bts smut #bts drabble #bts one shot #bts reaction #bts reactions #bts scenario #bts scenarios #bangtan #bangtan sonyeodan #kpop #kpop imagine #kpop reactions #jin #jin imagine #yoongi #yoongi imagine #hoseok #hoseok imagine #namjoon #namjoon imagine #jimin #jimin imagine #taehyung #taehyung imagine #jungkook #jungkook imagine

[bnha-headcanon-central]

todoroki fuyumi

its time for me to gush about my underrated gal

- she??? is SO intelligent??? if she wanted to, she could have probably graduated college with a masters in literally anything she wanted or put her mind to. it's not only that she's super intelligent book-wise, but she's also socially smart, and has the determination to back her up

- she can also sing really well but doesnt sing often. well, she hums a lot, but never outright sings. it's become a habit to hum a song from her childhood when she's not focused on anything, or to calm down the children at her school, because when she was younger she used to sing/hum that song to her brothers to get them to sleep

- fuyumi practically raised shouto and natsuo herself, and as unfortunate as their circumstances were, they're super close to her. she likes to randomly text them during the day, simple messages like "hope your day is going well!" or "study hard!" shouto and natsuo would never admit it but both of them adore her texts and encouragements

- she! hates living at home! but she literally cannot move out! it's unfortunate but she doesn't have enough money with her current job, and she plans on maybe going back to school in the future, so financially it's better for her to just stay at home, as awful as it is for her. she also wants to be sure her dad isn't going crazy because, as much as she loaths to admit it, she still cares for him and doesn't want him to get hurt, even after everything he's done

- fuyumi is the Number 1 Shouto Fan, right beside a certain midoriya izuku. she gets super hyped about seeing some basic merch for her baby brother at the store that she excitedly takes a picture and sends it to him immediately

- her eyesight is absolutely horrible. like her glasses aren't just there for reading or because her eyesight is kinda bad, no. if she takes them off she can't see her hand right in front of her face. she would mistake a tree for a person right next to her

- she has a super big admiration for a lot of the heroes that had to hold up society after all might's final stand, especially heroes such as hawks, miruko, edgeshot, and ryukyu, who are so young (around her age) and still doing so much for society

- her quirk is like, EXTREMELY powerful, just not in the way end**vor wanted. her quirk is an ice quirk, but her body was mostly built for a fire quirk, so if she uses it she could potentially get hypothermia or awful iceburn marks along her skin, which is why she is seen in canon almost always wearing long sleeves

- okay i'm one of those losers that loves the dabi is a todoroki theory and i'm not saying that touya/dabi and fuyumi are twins but touya/dabi and fuyumi are definitely twins

- they're complete opposites in everything they do. touya's eyesight is amazing, fuyumi's is shit. touya's body was built for fuyumi's ice quirk, and fuyumi's body was built for touya's ice quirk. i'm thinking something happened in their development that caused them to get each other's quirk

- touya left at a young, age, and fuyumi was (rightfully) outraged. she understood that he wanted out of their abusive situation, but he just left her with two younger siblings to take care of alone and an abusive father, their mother was already in the hospital and fuyumi was the only parental figure that natsuo and shouto had. it was rough for a long time for them, but they eventually got into a rhythm, and now shouto and natsuo regard fuyumi as the most important figure in their lives, parental or otherwise

- it's canon that fuyumi works with kids out of guilt of not being able to help shouto during their younger years, so going off of that i think that she's 100% the best teacher her school has ever seen. she not only knows how to deal with good and well-behaved kids, but she can also deal with misbehaving and "awful" kids as well, unlike a lot of other teachers. she never gets mad at them unrightfully and often gets to the roots of their issues, and always reprimands them but never yells. all of this knowledge and practice comes from dealing with quiet and accepting shouto, while also dealing with loud and wild and angry natsuo. she knows that kids at that age aren't bad just to be bad, and she always waits and listens to them before punishing them unrightfully (wow this bullet was a tangent)

- she knows who dabi is right away. she fuckin knows it's her dumbass brother, she's one of the only people in the world that could recognize his quirk anywhere. she would never say anything, of course, but that doesn't stop her from harboring negative feelings towards the villain, while also simultaniously hoping he's okay at any moment in time. like she'll see a new broadcast about dabi fighting someone again and she'll be all "god that fucking idiot i hope he gets arrested so he can think about his actions" in her head while also going "but don't hurt him! don't lock him up he's just hurting! that's my brother you heathens touch him and i'll evicerate you!!!" at the same time. this leads to a lot of internal conflict

- fuyumi likes to randomly pop up at UA to give shouto little gifts she bought becuase they reminded her of him

- she also stops by natsuo's uni every day to drop off a hand cooked lunch she prepared for him just so she can be sure he eats in between all his studying

- fuyumi 100% does not blame her mother for anything that happened in her childhood, but that does not mean that she immediately got over it. she still sometimes looks back and gets a little resentful, because she was only eleven or so when their mom left, she was only a child, and she was forced to become a mother. she acknowledges that it wasn't her mother's fault at all, but that does nothing to deter her negative feelings sometimes

- she visits her mother once a week. they often talk about how she's doing and how work is, or how her mom's recovery is coming along (because despite everything, no amount of therapy is going to completely heal any of them). sometimes the conversation will lull because something that reminded them of end**vor will be brought up, and a quiet understanding will pass between them that neither of them are ready to face that quite yet

- fuyumi is probably a raging lesbian sorry i don't make the rules

- when she was younger she and touya snuck a cat into her room for a few weeks because it was a stray that wouldn't leave their property and they didn't want their dad finding it and throwing it out

- she! will probably never forgive end**vor for what he did to her family! but that doesn't mean she doesn't still dream of a perfect family!!! fuyumi is one of those people who doesn't like to completely acknowledge what happened and focuses more on the future. she wants her family to be happy together, and that includes the raging flame man, but she knows inside that it will never happen.

- she had to mediate between her brothers and her father a lot as a kid so now she's amazing at mediating between the kids in her classes. like they'll start fighting over crayons and the dispute will be over in under a minute because of her. she's a pro at mitigating arguments

- i can't think of anything else besides i love her and she deserves more recognition because she literally held the todoroki family together for years so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

don't be afraid to send me stuff! i love hearing other people's headcanons and also i love hearing people gush about my favorite characters so if you love fuyumi as much as i do pop into my dms or asks and just go off about her! thanks for reading!

#bnha #bnha headcanons #todoroki fuyumi #bnha fuyumi #todoroki family #todoroki shouto #todoroki natsuo #todoroki enji #endeavour #todoroki rei #dabi #dabi bnha #dabi is a todoroki #dabi is touya #long post #icy gal

[polygamyff]

45. Part 6

I am glad people have left but now I want my furniture back, the only people to not leave is Marquis and Joy, like isn’t he tired because surely he is old and it’s way past his bed time right now “I want to say thank you mommy, thank you for looking after Reign even though she woke up and she played up, thank you. I am now back at work tomorrow so I will sort myself out so you can go back to Cali, I know you want to go back” my mother smiled at me “it’s ok, I don’t mind. I will stay however long you need me, but I see that Maurice is very good with her alone, he doesn’t really need anyone to help him” walking up the steps with my mother “you think? So, when I am at work you think he will be ok?” I questioned “he will be fine; he dotes on her so much. She gets so much attention, he is very attentive to her needs, I have watched him. Any sign of upset, he is there. He hasn’t been there for her a lot but he is surely making it up for it right now, I find it so adorable. He reminds me a lot of Thomas with you, the smallest detail of Reign just grabbing the couch to drag herself up, she gets that cheer. I think he will be fine; he knows what to do. He also knows what to do with you I see” looking at my mom just smiling at me, I laughed looking away from my mom in shame “well” I dragged out “don’t well me, you don’t wait the both of you. Are you taking precautions?” my mom asked “yes, I want another baby but I want to make sure that it’s not where my child can get sickle cell, I am going to get that done professionally, but I am. Trust me” these stairs are fucking long, Maurice is not wrong at all “I am proud of him though mom, he is listening to me. He is eating healthy, he didn’t drink. He was drinking water, I didn’t think he would at all” I am so happy “he just needed you here Robyn” making our way to the living room “you’re right, I can watch him that way. He knows it” like I said Marquis is still here “are you thinking of moving in here?” I asked them, I mean clearly they are here still “just wanted to make sure the people leave and you’re ok, my son has a beautiful home. His forever home” Marquis said, sometimes I don’t believe what he says at times because half of the things he says seem fake to me.

Looking around the room, I mean does he expect me to clean this. I am sure he doesn’t think that, I can’t do this “you must hate me” Marquis said “you didn’t really respond to what I said about your home” shaking my head “Maurice adores you, I have to tolerate you. I just think you’re wrong in the treatment of Malik, even Joy” looking over at Joy before looking back at Marquis “if Maurice ever places Reign above any of my other kids he will hear it, I don’t play that shit. All of my kids get the same” Maurice would not want me to say anything, but I can’t help it “Malik was not deserving of things” I sniggered “so was Maurice, wasn’t he running form state to state on drugs? Didn’t you chase him and made him go to rehab? I still think Maurice has got issues, like the fact he calls Paula his mami, I mean it’s odd” Marquis’ face dropped, he wasn’t liking what he is hearing “I know” I added “all of it, how did Joy get you back? I mean it seems like it’s taken a lot for you to care for her”  I am on a roll right now, I have no Maurice to shut me up “she was going to get me in trouble for child abduction, that I stole Maurice and he was underage for me to take him. The stupid thing I did was not make her sign a contract to shut her up, I had no choice but to bring him back, not like he wanted too” Maurice never knew this, I let out an oh “you’re a very strong woman Robyn, something my son needs in his life. And I do regret getting him married, I regret doing that to him and it will always be my biggest regret. I have calmed down, somewhat but I am leaving this company in good heart knowing he has you. I am not sorry for treatment of people; I don’t care for them. Maurice is always my number one, and if I didn’t think you was good enough there was always ways of making you go but I see you love him” Marquis made a very bold statement “I think it would be me letting him go because I wouldn’t want to see him hurt, now that is love but I would win that. Anyways! Nice of you both to come” I said walking off “Joy it’s been a pleasure, Jay walk them out. Thank you” I need to go to sleep.

Marquis is funny, I give him that. He thinks he would win in this, he wouldn’t because I would let Maurice go and it would be Maurice chasing me. Marquis loves some sort of power, no matter what he likes to know he has that, but he doesn’t, he is redundant now, he is done with. I just want Maurice to get what is his, I want him to have this company so that really makes his dad redundant. The fact I know why he had to come back, Maurice doesn’t know but I do, and I am shocked he even said it to me, he really doesn’t care for feeling besides himself, I am shocked. So, Joy was going to get him in trouble, so this would be the moment she found out he had a Spanish mami, wow. This is some shit, I am surprised he doesn’t have a Spanish child, he has one in Germany. Oh, maybe that boy is this, no that can’t be because he looked Spanish but then again Marquis is white as shit, his black genes are fair as fuck, ok my mind is running with me. Walking into the bedroom, Maurice has that godforsaken night light on for Reign in this bedroom, I refuse to be listening to baby soothing sounds with that light on but he does it “she has just gone to sleep” Maurice said, oh he is awake “you caught me” I said laughing, I was about to attack the light “I see everything, has everyone gone now?” nodding my head “just your parents left, I am glad you’re awake. Unzip me again, was she ok?” looking over at Reign, she is hugging the hell out of bubzy “not hugging you tonight?” I questioned “she was getting angry with me, maybe too much love?” I chuckled “what are you like, she needs her space too” I bet Maurice was annoying her too.

Dragging my feet along the carpeted floor and to the bed “joining the cuddle gang huh? I been thinking where all my tops been going, you just here wearing them all” I giggled as I carefully moved back the covers “I can, because you’re my man and what is yours is mine. That is it, and I don’t think Reign is participating in your cuddle gang, look at her. She is moving away from you” Maurice looks so offended “I find you rather rude” climbing into bed slowly, I don’t want to wake her “so, how do you feel now, look how far apart we are? Are you going to finally actually get her room done?” I questioned “mhmm possibly, not sure. I kind of like it, I don’t have to put up with your constant kicking, your negative energy when your asleep, your snoring too, I can’t even deal with that” putting a finger up at him “shut up and go to sleep, I have work tomorrow. Luckily not the morning shift” I do miss him close; I want him close to me, but Reign has taken over the middle of the bed so here I am, stuck on the other side. Moving onto my side, getting comfortable. Maurice is staring up at the ceiling, he doesn’t seem at peace at all or like he is going to sleep. It makes me sad that he was taken from his mother, he did get the love, but he deserved to be with his real mother, he never got that, and I find that sad, he doesn’t have that bond “what’s wrong?” I asked him “nothing, why?” he said “I just think you’re not about to sleep, I can tell. What are you thinking about?” I asked “life, I am happy. Just business, I get those brain waves on when I am thinking on the next project, it’s all good. I will fall asleep eventually” I hope he does.

I knew as soon as I fall asleep little momma would be waking me up, and she did “you wake daddy up, not mommy huh? Your momma tried to play me saying you’re her favourite” Reign is so damn adorable in the morning, her crazy ass hair. Reign lifted up her bubzy and placed it on my chest “can I have it?” she then placed her hands on my body and used me to hold herself stead as she got up on her legs “you go Mi Amor, you start using them legs baby” Reign smiled so wide that her pacifier fell out “eeww, eewww. Your saliva all over me, eeww” Reign giggled at me and then started saying her own little words “mhmm, I agree Reign. Whatever you say I agree with” lifting Reign and sitting her on my stomach facing me “yay, you can now sit on me” she grabbed her pacifier off of me “you be using me to put all your shit on huh, it’s ok. Only I accept you to do this to me” Reign sighed out, frowning at her “why you sighing out huh? Hey, Reign. Say dada” I need her to say dada first, grabbing her pacifier from her “hey, look at daddy” Reign whined out “say dada” she shook her head “excuse me? Who learnt you such a thing, you don’t say no to me” she reached towards her pacifier knowing damn well she could never reach “fine” placing it in my mouth, Reign’ frowned at me but she found it amusing.

Terry is feeding Reign, I don’t mind it she wanted too. I am surprised Robyn has never got angry at my tagged pictures, because like recently because of my birthday coming up I have been tagged in a lot of my past pictures, I have met a lot of people. It’s shocking to see actually, lot of women though. My eyes widened, because I do remember some of these women on a sexual level, they need to understand I am changed but people like to celebrate on my birthday and I do not blame them at all, it’s a good vibe and it’s always a party when it comes to me. Tapping on the picture of me and this white girl, I remember her “I do” I said to myself, Italian model and she was good. Looking down at the caption ‘Il mio piccolo compleanno di Maurice presto! Ecco i ricordi. Pre-Birthday wish sexy’ raising an eyebrow “did you say something?” Terry said, looking up at her “oh nothing, talking to myself” I said, liking the post. I mean it’s rude to just ignore it “Terry, can I ask a question please?” locking my phone, placing it on the table “sure, me and Reign don’t mind. If it’s a business question I can’t help with that” she said, I laughed “no, it’s probably relationship, I don’t know what category that is. Is it wrong of me to like a post that was done by a female, like me and this female is in the picture together and we know each other from fashion week. She gave me a pre-birthday wish. So, I liked it, somehow Robyn may see it but is it wrong of me to like it? Is that like a bad thing?” I mean I know it’s her daughter, but I like to know “I don’t think it’s a bad thing at all, I would say it’s foul play if you were openly flirted and initiated a rude conversation with them. Or if they posted something inappropriate. My daughter should never risk a relationship over something so silly, social media is a terrible place but in a relationship you need to pick your fights and liking a post is not it. But if the post is no good then I would recommend steering clear. My daughter is not me Maurice, she will probably pout all day about something so little. I mean the girl upset herself over you giving this little one all of your time but I would say the same to my daughter, it’s no harm” nodding my head, I like Terry a lot, she is wise.

“Well, well, well. Look who it is” placing Reign on the floor so she can play “yes, it’s grandad. And look what grandad got you angel, my beautiful baby” looking behind me at my dad “grandma has it” Reign is actually looking in awe, she looks so happy to see him “what did you get her dad?” I said, my mom placed the gift on the couch “oh wow, Reign. Grandad got you a walker” this is cute “I thought she may need it, she is growing so fast” my dad placed his stick on the side “don’t bother picking her up, you going to break your back. Let me get her for you” picking Reign from the floor “be nice to grandad, he got you a walker Mi Amor” pressing a kiss to her cheek before giving her to my dad “oh my angel, I missed you so much. Yes I did, oh yes. I know” Reign is talking for the gods today, she is in a good mood “hey baby” my mom said, she gave me a hug. Leaning down so she can kiss my cheek “hey mom, you didn’t have to get Reign anything. She has loads of things, just need to sort her room out” sitting down on the couch “doesn’t she look so pretty” pulling a face at my dad “she has just come out of bed, stop playing” Reign reached up, she wants his glasses “oh you want my glasses now, you can’t have that” he shook his head and so did Reign “no? Who taught you that, you are so clever” my dad gushed.

Hearing the buzzer go off downstairs, unlocking my phone to check “are you expecting somebody else?” my dad asked “not really” checking the camera “it’s just Ally” I said getting up from the couch “Ally I am coming down” I said, Ally looked around so confused and then looked at the camera “oh” she said “basic as shit” locking my phone “I will be back, and Reign. Be good for me and dad, stop fussing” I said while making my way to the stairs, jogging down the steps. Jay would have answered but he said he has an appointment for the dentist, so I guess I need to do my own shit for a while, I don’t mind it anyways. Unlocking the door and pulling it open “hello to you, when are you exactly coming back?” Ally walked inside my home “I am enjoying being at home actually” closing the door “well you are needed back so I came here to drop off some paperwork, I also need you to sign off for some things. Is that ok?” nodding my head “I don’t mind it, come on up. You can see my dad and Reign; Robyn should be awake too. It’s a shame you couldn’t come last night, let’s take the lift” I gestured “well I have been off too, I went back and there was so much to do but I have caught up. I have some of your mail in here too, I have logged in your address here but still. There is some mail coming to the hotel still” nodding my head.

Smiling at Robyn “morning baby, oh how I do love seeing you like this” no makeup now, her hair tied back “even my nails are gone. It’s horrible, morning” pressing a kiss to Robyn’ lips “seems a little busy around here, hi Ally” Robyn said before walking off “Oh is your dad feeding Reign” Robyn said, Ally bought out the black box “oh my god! It is here, Robyn!” grabbing the box “I was about to say, it came with the mail” Ally added, turning to Robyn “look what daddy got you, I mean me” Robyn looked at me all dumbfounded, she is confused “what?” she said in a whisper “just what you asked for, I have delivered. Come, let’s open it on the couch” I ran ahead, I am so excite for Robyn to see this “what on earth?” my mom said, jumping over the couch and sat down “Maurice, watch the couch!” Robyn scolded me “I know, I am excited. Just sit, come on! I did this this for you” Robyn looks so confused, she is not sure how to take this “looks expensive” Terry pointed “it is, for me Terry” Robyn finally sat down “here you go, look inside” placing it on her lap “seems a little light in this baby” side eyeing her “well I will take it back, open the box then Bonita” I am excited for her to see it, Robyn opened the box “no fucking way!!” Robyn shouted out “you got me a black card? Oh my god” Robyn placed her hands over her mouth “you really did it” her voice became high pitch “hey, don’t get emotional” placing my hand on her arm “sorry” Robyn wiped her tear “just I didn’t think you would, and you did. I have never had this, everything. Oh god” I chuckled “it’s cool, I got it you. See, I put Robyn Davenport, for you Robyn. This is yours; it’s connected to my account. Hey, don’t cry” pressing a kiss to the side of her face, placing my arm around her “I am just emotional, thank you Maurice. Thank you for everything, I am so happy. I got a black card, thank you” Robyn sniffled “you got priority, you do not need to ever worry about money. Take this card with you, there is no limit. If you need a store to be open later for you, then you can get that. Don’t cry Robyn, you know I always got you” I am shocked she cried.

Reign is asleep but I am taking her with me “Jay you can stay here, I am just dropping off Robyn at work. First day for her, I want to drop her off. Dad, I will call you. Have a safe flight” my dad walked over to me, he gave me a hug “it was a special day, see you soon son. Miss you already angel” moving back from the hug “and sort that room out for her, if she tells me she hasn’t got a room yet I am coming back to do it myself” nodding my head before hugging my mom “I will” I laughed “have a safe flight back” I sighed out moving back from my mom, it was nice seeing my parents “call me though, let me know you got back safely” I waved them off “nice to see you both” Terry said smiling at my parents, where is Robyn because we do need to leave right about now because New York traffic is not the best so we do need to go now “sorry, I am here. I just feel so naked right now, it’s been so long since I been back at work. Bye” she said before running by my parents “well you need to hurry up Robyn” I said.

Parking outside the hospital “I wanted to ask, why did you cry when I gave you the black card? Did you think I wouldn’t, you know I am very giving towards you” putting the car in park, I am using Robyn’ hired car for now “it’s just everything Maurice, I didn’t ever expect this in my whole life, I didn’t expect to have a baby now, or have a soon to be husband. I didn’t ever think I would be living in New York, and I am just thinking of everything you have done. How far we have come, I got emotional because of how much I am loved by you Maurice, you treat me well. That is all, not a bad thing” I chuckled nodding my head “I understand, don’t cry though. I always got you baby” placing my hand over hers “thank you for bringing me to work, on my first day. It makes it so special to me, I will promise to let you know what time I finish, it slipped my mind the time” I love this woman so much “super proud of you, Reign and I both are. I will see you when you come back then” leaning over the panel to kiss Robyn’ lips.

#Chrianna #Chrianna FF #Fanfic #Fanfiction

[sometimesrosy]

Could you explain the tags you posted on the posted on Clarke watching bellamy sleep? How was she protecting others over people she loves in s6?

Anonymous said:i just saw your post about Clarke’s protecting -people progression through the seasons, where it ends w/ the most recent season 6. What’s your take on that development and what it means about her character journey? Do you think it’s good progression? where do you think it might lead for season 7? i think i read clarke’ll be almost obsessed with not loosing anyone else she loves. Considering her pattern of development, do you think that’ll be a positive thing?

I had two people ask a similar thing so I figured one answer would do. 

That gifset, where we saw Clarke watching Bellamy waking up after she’d kidnapped him from his spy mission during the conclave, reminded me, suddenly of the scene where she watched him sleeping and then put his name on the list to save him. 

I started to think about that character progression.

I’ll be honest, i don’t have a total handle on it, it’s a thing I’m still thinking about so I am leery of making a proclamation as some sort of definition. That’s why i put it in the tags, those are often just thoughts, sometimes that haven’t been all thought out yet. 

Clarke would do anything for the people she loved. This is canon. And in season 5, Echo pointed out that her people had shrunk down to just one person, madi. And with Madi, we saw that her efforts to keep her safe had become negative. Kidnapping, restraint, sacrifice of other people, torture, refusal to hear what Madi said, reversal of her previous philosophies, revenge. 

I think the progression is neither good, nor bad, it’s a STORY. To make a story, there have to be goals and obstacle and set backs and failures. Clarke, as a hero, has her OWN narrative within the larger narrative of The 100. Her saving her people is part of that narrative. There’s a purpose to it. We’re still on the journey, the narrative, so we don’t have the entire context yet. 

We see her efforts to save her people have various effects on her character, from her rising strength in season 1 to her collapse in season 2 to a rising loss of faith in humanity and herself from season 3-5. season 6 shows a return to herself, a return to humanity and a return to the hero that she was as a girl.

Oh. Hey. You know there’s a saying in recovery from trauma and abuse. Unfuck yourself. Like the goal is to get back to the you before you were fucked with. Pardon the language, but I love that word and that’s a very good way to put it. The 100 has a character progression that shows Clarke strong, then Clarke slowly getting totally fucked, then not as slowly, unfucking herself. 

When Bellamy put the flame in Madi, the faith and hope that she was starting to regain, the desire to step back into the hero ring, completely fell apart. He was her last connection to humanity, and in her retriggered trauma, it felt to her that he betrayed her. So she did an abrupt about face on her development and regressed, not just to an earlier traumatized her, but to... well... to the person who traumatized her. She acted like Lxa outside of the mountain. So sad too bad good bye I’m out. 

And then we had that delightful scene between Clarke and Echo and FlameLxa where she is called to task and Echo called her on her betrayal and told her Bellamy was alive, and Madi told her what Lxa said... that her betrayal of Clarke was absolutely wrong and the worst mistake of her life. Which points out that this WAS the incident that was being replayed. And, because Clarke had made the development she had over the six years, she was able to shake off the trauma and reverse again, and finally do the right thing.

Okay, but how does that lead to season 6? There was a lot of her facing herself and her feelings ABOUT herself and what she deserved, from the attempted eclipse psychosis suicide, to monty scolding her for giving up.. because THAT IS NOT DOING BETTER. A reminder that Monty was actually her. She doesn’t want to die, even though she hates herself so much. She had to make peace with herself. And you know what? I think she needed Bellamy’s forgiveness. 

Right? She made the floating lantern only for what she did to him. Okay so her mindspace didn’t show Bellamy in it... because she was too afraid to face him... also in canon, wasn’t it?  But when she was ready to fight back, she reached out to BELLAMY, and Bellamy dropped everything and fought for her. 

Bellamy reaches in, and with the power of his love, NOT A WEAKNESS, draws her out of death’s arms, and they are together, the way they are supposed to be, the head and the heart. They move on to save their people, and sanctum if they can, but what happens?

They save sanctum, but CLARKE loses her mother. CLARKE pulls the lever and FLOATS her mother with her own hands because she can’t let her kill the eligius prisoners. People she barely knows. She sacrifices her mother, or her mother’s body, for them. That was the lever this time. Abby is killed. (Yes Abby was already dead, but she did not want to do that, she still held out hope she could get her back even if she couldn’t.) It was also a reflection of Clarke’s INITIAL trauma, the death of Jake, which she was there for, which she watched, from her mothers arms.

OH DEAR GOD. When she floated Abby this time, she ALSO had her arms around her. But this time she was clinging to her desperate to keep living or if not, to take Clarke with her. OH. MY. GOD. That is freaking evil. I mean it’s great. But wow JR way to not pull any punches. 

We KNOW Clarke though of this as a loss. Probably tied up with Abby being a host also, but it was part of her final dialogue. “I did the right thing and I lost my mother anyway.”

She saved the world and sacrificed her mother. Partly not her fault, of course, but she pulled the lever. And in this story, Clarke is always responsible for pulling the levers and leaving someone outside, no? Leaving someone to die. 

So I’m going to count Abby’s death as Clarke’s sacrificing someone she loves. And it’s always been Abby who Clarke loves, even before she loved Bellamy. Abby was the first, and also the deepest pain when she thought she’d betrayed her. The first forgiveness, too.

Anyway, watching Clarke cycle back through her trauma’s is also watching Clarke heal and become stronger. 

Good? Bad? IDK. Hard. I think that’s good. It’s a post apocalyptic survival story. This story is about surviving trauma and either rebuilding the world and redeeming humanity or losing yourself and dying. That’s part of the reason why we get so many of our beloved heroes dying painfully and failing to be strong, or good. 

Because the truth is, yes, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, but that means that it DOES kill some people. They dont’ get stronger. They break. And watching the stories of the people who break ALSO makes us realize that it’s not some fantasy of all the pain being worth it. Or some sort of fucking gift. It’s not. Watching Clarke almost break, seeing her pain, even when she does succeed, even when they save sanctum, their people, and the sleeping army, we know what it means, and that she might NOT win... the goal or her own soul. Because we’ve seen so many people lose, including her. 

“Was it worth it?”she asked. 

They have to keep fighting anyway. They have to hope it’s worth it. And we have to ask ourselves if our own struggles and failures and pain are worth it. I think that’s a profound question, so I guess, in the end, I think it’s good.

#the 100 #clarke griffin #is the hero #character development #hero's journey #trauma #recovery #post apocalyptic science fiction

[bucky-iss-bae]

Late night Cocoa (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

A/N: Wow 10 years later and I finally post some new content. How shocking!!! I want to be more active, but wow since finishing university, my brain is tireeeddd but I want to have so many ideas, so please send in any requests. I just want to write more and more, and organise all my writing, and just get my ideas out there, fix my writing, so much talking, I’m so sorry, here's the one-shot. 

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Fandom: MCU/Marvel 

Prompts: Bucky x Fem!Reader Fluff/Angst Prompts: ‘Hey, hey, calm down they can’t hurt you anymore’ – ‘You have my word’ – ‘Go back to sleep’  

Warnings: Mentions of kidnapping and torture - Some Angst I guess

Word count: 1500ish

I want to hopefully write more shit like this to just gain confidence and get better so hope you all enjoy xoxo

Masterlist Fandom list

Everyone knew that being with an Avenger had its negatives. Sure you got on perfectly well with the team, they were all your family. They protected you like their own. But for the outside world seeing this, others saw you as a weakness and took advantage of that. They saw how you are as a family with the team, yet you lived your own life with your own job. You never expected this to be something that would get you caught out, being used as leverage to lure the Avengers in if not all of the Avengers. At least your partner, Bucky Barnes.

You were kidnapped from outside your workplace, taken by ex-hydra agents that wanted to lure The Winter Soldier in, to extract information from him on past hydra missions, information that went up when Hydra got exposed.

They tortured you, they manipulated you, but they all ended up dead. Getting nothing from you, and their plan backfired when The Winter Soldier killed them all with the help of the other Avengers.

None of the Avengers let you out of their sight after this, whilst recovering you were moved into the compound, both you and Bucky sharing his designated room there. Your days consisted of watching others train, making sure their doctors had you all healed up, and Bucky making sure that you were safe.

Being back at work was sometimes proven a bit difficult, someone constantly checking up on you, but you soon got used to it, it wasn’t long after this that you and Bucky moved back to your shared apartment, despite still visiting the compound a lot, your apartment was home. But also where you felt most vulnerable.

In the relationship, you were once the one who helped Bucky through his nightmares. Despite them being rare, you were always there for him, making sure he was alright at night, hugging him when needed, and being the emotional support he often needed after a bad nightmare. They soon lessened and lessened, until he rarely had nightmares. Instead, it was his turn to comfort you, to be there for you.

You woke up in a cold sweat, it was better than the screams, but some nights you still woke up, reminders of what happened on the day they took you in your nightmares. You took a moment to catch your breath feeling restless, scared to see what would happen if you went back to sleep. You looked across at Bucky hoping you didn’t wake up and saw him sound asleep.

You took a moment and smiled, grateful to have him in your life, after all he’s been through, the few hours you were taken must’ve only felt like minutes compared to what he went through. Yet he was able to get through it stronger on the other side.

You were careful not to wake up when you quietly crawled out of bed, grabbing your robe and putting on your slippers you walked through to your kitchen and started on making some hot chocolate for yourself. Once you added the final few marshmallows you went to sit on your window ledge, looking across at the city, you could hear how busy the streets still were. You breathed in the fresh air, it felt nice against your skin, despite your hot chocolate warming you up, it was more comforting.

A few moments later you felt a pair of arms wrap around your waist, you leaned back into Bucky, feeling his chin rest on your head,

“I’m offended Sugar, you made some hot cocoa, and you didn’t even make me some. Instead, you take how many, 4 marshmallows. Wow, three of them are pink, really offended”

A small smile made its way onto your lips, “Actually it was 5 marshmallow, I couldn’t help myself.”

He felt his chest vibrate against your back, “Wow, ok, I see how it is. 5 marshmallows. And there’s still no inviting me”

“I didn’t want to wake you” You mumbled, “But I’m more than happy to share,” You said holding the mug up,

He took some and had a few sips which led to him nearly burning his tongue,

“Warning would’ve been nice”

You looked down and smiled at that, “Sorry Buck. But what are you doing up?”

“What are you doing up?” He retaliated,

You shifted your body to turn and look at him, “I... I had another nightmare. I woke up and couldn’t sleep” You admitted,

He nodded, “You know, I’m here for you right? Especially when you have nightmares. I know what it’s like, and I know what it’s like feeling alone, you’ve got me here whenever you need me. Even if I am asleep, just wake me up”

“I know but I feel so stupid and weak Bucky. I hate it. If it was anyone else, anyone they would’ve somehow been fine and fought their way out. But instead I couldn’t even walk out of there myself, and I just... I’m scared”

“Shhhh... Hey, Hey they can’t hurt you anymore. No one can” he mumbled against your head before kissing it, “You’re not weak. You’re not weak Y/N. It’s not something you could’ve controlled, you aren’t trained like anyone else, and maybe that’s a good thing because you’re the purest person out there, you don’t have any... any red in your ledger. Instead, you’ve got a whole load of people who would do anything for you. So don’t feel weak, or stupid because what happened was inevitable. They went after the most important person to me to try and get to me”

You couldn’t help but smile slightly at that, although his reminders were consistent, the feeling in your chest sometimes made you wonder whether he would want someone like you, someone whos not an Avenger, someone who’s not as capable as everyone else in his life is.

“I know that I’m weak Buck. I know compared to you and everyone else I’m a... a liability”

He scoffed at that, “You’re definitely not a liability. Don’t ever think like that Y/N. You’re too pure for your own good. Sometimes I wonder how someone as good as you, has ended up with someone like me. But then you reminded me day in, day out why I was worthy. So let me remind you, each and every day”

The two of you rarely spoke about the times where you helped him, and his low points, how you were his backbone. There was constant underlining of it, especially as you helped him. The two of you supported one another, helped one another grow, and right now he made you feel like you were worth it all.

“You promise? You’re not just saying this”

“I promise, every day I’ll remind you.”

“Thank you, Buck” You whispered, leaning your head into his arm, “I love you”

“I love you too Sugar” He whispered, “I mean, I’m willing to forgive you for not inviting me out here for hot cocoa so that’s a lot of forgiving”

You couldn’t help but laugh at that and took a sip, it was slightly cooler than before, the marshmallows nicely gooey.

“You want me to make you some?” You whispered,  

“Nah” He murmured, “Nah, if I want some I’ll just take yours,” He said reaching around to grab your mug,

Both you and Bucky gelled well together, it was something you never thought you would get, someone so supportive, and someone who loved you just as much as you loved them.  

The two of you sat in silence for a while, enjoying one another's company before it started to get a bit chilly.

“You ready to go back to sleep?” he asked you,

You nodded, “Yeah, sorry Bucky”

“Why you apologising for?” he asked a small smile on his face,

You shrugged, “For keeping you up”

He shook his head, “Don’t let me start getting all romantic on you doll, I’ll start spouting out about how as long as I’ve got you by my side, I don’t care where I am, what I’m doing, or how tired I am, I’ll be happy to have you there with me.”

You laughed a little at that and he took your hand helping you back in, you dropped the empty mug in the kitchen sink, he grabbed a pink marshmallow and popped it into his mouth before the both of you went back to your room. When you got into bed you could feel yourself starting o overthink again, but instead, he pulled you in, his metal arm wrapping around your waist. You smiled because this surprisingly gave you more comfort than anything, you cuddled further into him and felt him kiss the back of your head once more,

“Go to sleep Doll. Wake me if you need me”

With that being said you drifted off into a seamless night’s sleep knowing you were safe.

A/N: Still working on improving, and hella fics pending. Planning a series based on our main man barnes, so hopefully, that and another will be starting soonnnn xoxo 

#Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky imagine #bucky x reader #The Winter Soldier x Reader #james buchanan barnes #james barnes #Bucky Barnes Imagine #Bucky Barnes Drabble #Barnes x Reader #MCU #marvel cinematic universe #Fluff #Angst

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #274

“now i can hear the marching feet / they’re moving into the street”

What color was the last swimsuit you wore? I only have a black one. Is your dream job attainable? I mean define “dream job.” I’d ideally be a meerkat biologist if I was willing to live in Africa and could handle even mild heat, but I can’t/won’t do either of those, so it’s not obtainable to me. I’d also love to be a paleontologist if I could travel and handle heat once more, but again, I can’t. My only *attainable* dream job is being a photographer, which I am aiming for. I’d LIKE to focus on nature/wildlife photography, but that’s unlikely to be able to support me, so. Do you have to go to school or work tomorrow? N/A Have you slept for longer than usual today? Yes, but only because of my nightmares. I tend to take at least two (though sometimes one) hour-long naps during the day because if I wake up once during the night, as I usually do, I’m fucked because I’m very likely to have an intense nightmare. It seems like the medicine I’m on wears off with consciousness, I guess. I only allow myself to sleep an hour at daytime because my mother has noticed if I have a nightmare, it’s usually no earlier than one hour into sleep. Even then I still have them occasionally. Have you ever taken classes for a musical instrument? Recorder in elementary school was necessary for whatever stupid reason, and then I played the flute for years. Out of school, I took guitar lessons for a while. I got semi-decent (at best I could do the intro to “Crazy Train” at normal speed, I think), but it didn’t last because it was annoying/time-consuming to build up the calluses that make playing painless, I was really bad at overthinking where my fingers were, and I just wasn’t invested quite enough. I’ll tell you, it gave me mad respect for guitarists, that shit isn’t easy by any means. Have you ever been on vacation with someone other than your family? Yes, though it was brief. I was a kid (okay, pre-teen, w/e) still in my separation anxiety from Mom phase and it was literally because of me we had to go home. I still feel shitty about it, though no one seemed upset at me. How old do you think you’ll be when you move out on your own? Who the fuck even knows anymore. Do you have a job? If so, where do you work? If not, do you want one? No; N/A; yes ultimately but no at the current moment because I have to keep watch over Mom. If you wear make-up, which brand of foundation/powder do you use? N/A Would you call yourself a “people” person? Nope. What is one change you need to make in your life this month? Just one??? What’s been tugging on your heart lately? My PTSD plus self-image has been very, very bad. What is the last thing you did that made you feel guilty? Mom had to clean up my cat’s projectile vomit even though she’s supposed to stay away from this kinda stuff through chemo. I literally cannot fucking touch vomit, never mind what came out of him that night. I felt like absolute fucking shit and I still do because WOW I’m a great adult right!! Do you have any physical traits that are bothering you lately? Like, everything. What kind of dog is your favorite? I’m biased to beagles. What was the last thing you received in the mail? A book. What is the last thing you wrote? Like, physically? My signature at the doctor’s office. Do you still care about the person you first kissed? Way fucking more than I should. Do you require a lot of private time? Definitely more than most people. Do you have any songs currently stuck in your head? I haven’t listened to it in forever for ~reasons~, yet “The Mortician’s Daughter” is stuck in my head badly and really needs to fuck off. What was the last song you downloaded? I dunno, I went on a download binge a while back. Have you ever read a really funny book? I remember at least one. “Bite Me” by IDR-Who. Some vampire satire. Have you ever done something humiliating while drunk? Never reached the point of being drunk. How would you react if your celebrity crush came to your door? fuckin YIKES I am NOT attractive rn go away Has your mom/dad ever walked in on you kissing or anything more with someone? HAHA my mom has always had the decency to knock, not so much his mom a;lwkejrewoei but the answer’s still no. What electronics are in your room? (DVD player, CD player, etc) This laptop, my phone, a Nintendo DS, my iPod… Do you have a box anywhere with special items you'll to keep forever in it? Yes, actually. Grew up calling them “treasure boxes.” Do you have any pictures of yourself on your bedroom walls? Lol no, I’d definitely prefer to not see myself as much as I can. That sounds melodramatic, but I’m being serious. It either depresses me or makes me angry. Does your dad collect anything? The Cleveland Browns’ football team stuff, for one. Maybe Carolina Hurricane stuff, too? Idk. I don’t live with him and don’t go in his “man cave” at his house often ha ha. What's better, a desktop or laptop? Explain. A laptop. Portable; that’s all the explanation ya really need. Do your parents still hide chocolate eggs around on Easter for you? Nah. What do you typically do on Easter Day? We go to my sister’s house to watch the kids do their egg hunting and open their gifts, then we usually go to Ashley’s in-laws’ for dinner. Is there anyone you literally need to exist? Apparently not. Thought so. Never let yourself into that state of mind. What would you prefer to get from a guy/girl: flowers, a hand-written poem, a picture he drew of you or a nice night out? Oh, a hand-written poem would wreck me, yeesh. Or a drawing. But any would be very sweet. Do you remember why you made the last mistake you did? I don’t know the most recent mistake, but probably because I’m just in general a terrified person who second-guesses or overanalyzes everything. Did you check how many calories the last thing you ate had? Yes. I’m back on my calorie-counting obsession again. Are your nails long or short? Short, always. I can’t keep them long. What is your favorite kind of cookie? Just the ordinary chocolate chip is fine. What was the last compliment you received? I don’t know. Who will be the next person you kiss? I normally delete this question because the answer should be so obvious, but I feel like just pointing it out that no one fucking knows who they’re gonna kiss next. It’s a dangerous mindset. Don’t make assumptions about what you’ll have even tomorrow. Have you ever made your own icon? Yeah, on many sites. They’re just about always just edits, though, not truly original work. What color is your computer mouse? It’s black. Have you ever been sung to on your birthday in a restaurant? Yes. Do you like black olives? I don’t like olives period. Do you actually think there will be a zombie apocolypse? Personally, no. I do think it’s scientifically possible, we already see this in insects, but I just don’t imagine it happening to humans before we’re our own downfall. Do you like the person you’ve become over the past years? Fuck no. Have you ever gone to church just to get a significant other? … No…? Have you ever punched a wall out of complete anger? No, that shit is terrifying. Are you really ticklish? YES don’t fucking touch me. How do you decide what you're going to eat each day? I just follow what I’m craving that day. How are you similar to your siblings? Different? Compared to Ashley and Nicole at least, I can’t think of any real similarities off the top of my head. They’re intelligent, motivated, outgoing, successful, yada yada, then there’s me. What's your favorite type of non-fiction literature? Autobiographies by people I’m actually interested in. Do you believe in souls? Soulmates? Souls, absolutely. Soulmates, no. It’s fairytale ideation to think your soul has a perfect match with another, hate to break it to ya. Favorite soundtrack? BITCH don’t make me choose between Shadow of the Colossus and Silent Hill 2. Fucking masterpieces. Pianos or guitars? *shrugs* Depends on the music and my mood. Did an animal ever bite you? Never seriously. How many languages do you speak? Only English fluently. I’m poor at German by now. Wiggly worms or bumble bees? Worms gross me out, bees are Good Boys. Religion? I don’t really identify with any. I just believe there’s some form of ultimate intelligence and essences beyond just the body, and that’s all I even pretend to know. Fog, thunder, or rain? Fog gives me that Silent Hill Vibe *Italian kiss* What regret keeps coming back to haunt you daily? The way I treated Jason after the breakup. If you could cure yourself of one allergy, what would it be? Damn pollen. Do you know anyone else with your name? Yeah. What would you be most afraid of happening if you were to visit Africa? Viruses or botflies. Where are you tempted to move to sometimes? I very legitimately want to live in Canada by now, but I won’t because I’m not moving that far from family. Who seems like they have the perfect life? I try not to make that assumption of anyone. Do you ever take pictures of negative moments? Does taking pictures of roadkill count???? lmao probably Do you think it would be a good idea to post photos of negative moments as well as positive? Well… I guess it depends. Like ngl, the pictures some people share of them having panic attacks to just show how fucking real they are definitely touch you, as do those depicting poverty, etc., BUT I really do think there are limits and also differences in motivations. What time zone are you in? EST. Would you ever post a picture of yourself crying on social media? Wow, speaking of. No. ^Why or why not? I am an UGLY cry-er, my man. But I also just don’t want people to see that, and it’s definitely not on my mind to take a picture during a breakdown. What was the last thing you cried about? My life. Have you ever held a newborn baby? Yes. Do you know anyone who has twins? Yes. Where do you buy calendars from? I don’t. Do you shop at the dollar store often? Not *often*, but we’ll stop by for a snack or something sometimes. Are you following in the career path of any family members? No. Do you feel you missed out on a lot as a kid? I guess in some ways. Who was that best friend you ever had? Sara. What color is your laptop? Black. What are five careers you think you’d be good at? My work history has shown I can’t do shit right. Are you thriving in your life right now? lmao no one is in 2020. Who do you have moral support from? My family, doctor, and a few friends. Who encourages you to go after your dreams? The same as above. Do you have people in your family who want you dead? Wow, I hope not. Do you have a walk-in closet? No, but my room at the new house will. :’) Not that I need one, it’s just pretty cool. How do you feel about people like Elon Musk, Bill Gates, and Jeff Bezos having so much power and control in the world? Do you believe that any one person should have so much power? Let’s be real, in our current world, money is power, and no one should have that much control of the world, especially if your intentions are bad. NOW I don’t know jack shit about any of those are far as morals go, but just saying. It’s dangerous. Has your anxiety alone ever prevented you from doing something you wanted to do? This is ACTUALLY the story of my fucking life. Do you enjoy reading stories and novels that are heavily stylistic, poetic, or unconventional or do you prefer your prose to follow a familiar grammatical structure? Okay, I LOVE those, like Johnny Got His Gun and The Handmaid’s Tale that’s kinda like, run-on writing. Just letting a train of thought go. Those are two of the most powerful books I’ve ever read and they’re both written in a unique fashion. Have you ever fallen for any sort of Internet-based hoax? (e.g., fake celeb death, satire news article…) I’m sure at some point, especially as a kid. Do you tend to read reviews before you watch a movie or read a book? What do you hope to get out of doing so? NO. I don’t wanna have any precognition. When you go to a concert, how far must you travel for the most usual venues you visit? Most are on the other end of the state, and NC is long, so. We’re lucky if they come to Raleigh. Do you rent movies frequently? I never do, really. What is your favorite thing to do outside? Take pictures or swim. What’s your favorite meal to cook? I don’t cook. What movie has been taken WAY too far, as far as sequels go? Oh, I’m sure there are some, but none immediately come to mind. I’m not that into movies. Do you refuse to eat certain foods because of what they look like? Yes. I am VERY poor at getting past how a food looks. What are you listening to? NSP’s cover of “Don’t Fear The Reaper.” It’s fuckin gorgeous. How much homework do you have tonight? N/A Are you wearing any bracelets? Yes; one that Sara got me as well as an ovarian cancer awareness one. What's physically wrong with you right now? JINKIES I just feel really lethargic like always. Do you take any medications daily? Ha ha thanks for actually reminding me I need to now. When was the last time you moved to a new house? Two years ago, and now we’ll be moving to a much better place by the end of this month/early September, finally. When it comes to relationships, are you the jealous type? Nah. Which gift cards do you have in your wallet? Idk actually. It’s not like I use it a lot. Can you remember the last time you felt ill? What was wrong with you? A few nights ago. I was extremely hot, dizzy, and pretty nauseated. I was fine, though. If you wear make-up, do you take it with you, to reapply throughout the day? Does your make-up stay for a long time after you first apply it, or do you find that you need to reapply often? Are you wearing any make-up atm? I pretty much never wear makeup so have never really had a reason to reapply it. I’m definitely not wearing any now. Does your kitchen have a theme? No. Do you like ice cream sandwiches? GIRL yes. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? Earbuds. They’re more comfortable imo but more importantly block out exterior noise very well. Are you a fan of any independent films? ngl, I don’t know exactly what that is and I don’t feel like looking it up. Could you possibly write a successful novel? I very genuinely think some of the RP stories I’ve taken part in are novel-worthy, yes. I wanted to make them books when I was younger, but now I no longer do mainly because there are areas that are just way too fucking dark that I don’t wanna put out there but play massive parts in the stories, so like… Do you regularly watch the news? I never do. Facebook is my “news” source lmao. Who was the last person you video-chatted with? I don’t remember for sure, maybe some doctor? What do you want the theme of your wedding to be? I don’t really think about this, seeing as my mind has changed enough, and it also depends on what my partner wants, too. Have you ever been caught passing a note in class? Noooo, I absolutely hated passing notes because I was genuinely a good student. I only did so very, very rarely if another friend started it. Have you ever had dandruff? I have dandruff AND a dry scalp. It’s a wonderful mix. Have you ever gone through a phase of crushing on EVERYONE? Definitely not. Do you have any clothes with spikes/studs on them? I have a spiked choker, and I might still have gloves with studs? Can you remember what you last clapped for? My mom’s birthday! :’) Have you ever given a pet to someone else? Yes, with cats; we had to do that quite often when I was a kid because we had so many cats, none which we could afford to fix. Then we’ve done it with two dogs we just couldn’t handle. Oh yeah, I gave my iguana away too because he was too high maintenance for me, but also because he DESPERATELY needed a much bigger terrarium, which we couldn’t afford. I absolutely could not watch him in that tiny tank. I miss him a LOT, but he went to a wonderful home! The lady who adopted him sent me pictures upon pictures months after taking him in. Do you know anyone named Walter? No. What's your least favorite ice-cream flavor? Strawberry is fucking disgusting. And that’s coming from someone whose favorite fruit is strawberries. What's your least favorite song by your favorite artist? I’m not sure. There’s a handful that just don’t grab my attention that I don’t even remember them. What was the last good news you heard? I can FINALLY talk to my psychiatrist tomorrow. Who’s your favorite singer of all time? Probably Freddie Mercury. What airline do you fly most? Idk, I don’t really pay attention. I haven’t flown very often though anyway. Do you have a dog that is destructive? I don’t have a dog. What’s one TV series you’ve seen every episode of? Meerkat Manor is the most obvious, ha ha. Maaaaany times. Assuming you have Facebook, who last left you a wallpost? Probably my friend Sammi. Assuming you have hair, how are you wearing it today? It’s too short for me to “wear” it any particular way. It’s just… there lmao. Assuming you're not homeless, what kind of living arrangements do you have? I live with my mom in a house she’s renting. Have you or have you ever considered messing around with the same sex? I’m bisexual so you can guess I’m not opposed to it. Are you particular about any brands of food you will or will not eat? Are there any restaurants you refuse to go to? Brands, no. I don’t eat Chick-fil-a because they’re run by fucking homophobic bigots that monetarily support conversion therapy and other anti-LGBT projects. I’m not giving you any fucking money. What was the most current dream you can remember about? Do you generally dream every night, or hardly at all? It was actually last night, when I dreamed about accidentally running into Jason where I last knew he worked, and he was really hostile. If I don’t take my medicine, I always have nightmares when I sleep.

#survey #quiz #questions #questionnaire

[belle82devart]

73 Question Tag Game

Thank you to the lovey @thewanderer000 ❤

On a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now?

I would say a 6 or 7. Life can be so fucking scary (as well as people), but it still has it's charms and quirks that make it enjoyable and something to look forward to.

Describe yourself in a hashtag?

[#scared of everything] or [#justneedsahug]

If you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be?

Jeffrey Dean Morgan. He's got the swagger, the sweetness and the salt and pepper look isn't helping sway my opinion at all. Plus he's got strong arms, perfect for cuddles.

If your life was a musical, what would the marquee say?

(I hate to admit this, but I had to look up what a fucking marquee was.) The anxious and the strange.

What’s your wakeup ritual?

Get up, shower, have a little time for self loathing and negative personal views. Then go for the self affirmation card and continue the day.

What’s your favorite time of day?

Morning. Most days, the morning is where it all starts. Where the hikes in the mountains begin or where the next big projects begin.

Your go to for having a good laugh?

Crack videos of whatever fandom I'm obsessed with at the time. Or cat videos.

Dream country to visit?

I know it's not a country, but Europe in general. If it had to be a single place, Poland.

What’s the biggest surprise you’ve had?

Finding out while my mother threw up on the side of the road that 'hey, you're gonna be a big sister'!

Heels or flats/sneakers?

Combat boots. Now I can do heels, and I can do sneakers, but boots, especially combat style are my favorite.

Vintage or new?

Vintage all the way! It's oleasing to be able to experience something old and make it new in your eyes. I guess that's why I own a Polaroid camera and Walkman.

Who do you want to write your obituary?

My family. All of them.

Style icon?

My father. I've basically stolen all his band shirts and old biker vest/jackets. Sooo yeah.

What are three things you can’t live without?

Music, art, and friends/family. What's life without companionship? What's life without some sort of art? The world wouldn't suevibe without music, and I can't survive without any of the listed.

What’s one ingredient you put in everything?

Ketchup for most things, but not all.

What 3 people living or dead would you like to make dinner for?

- Vincent Price

- Bob Ross

- Anyone else who wants to eat my shitty cooking.

What’s your biggest fear in life?

Well, I absoluty am scared to death of spiders, but that's not my biggest fear. Failure and letting those I care for down... That's my biggest fear. I fear that I will never make anyone happy, that I can't do right...

God, this question called me out hard.

Window or aisle seat?

Window all the way. Give me the view !

What’s your current TV obsession?

- The Walking Dead

- The Witcher

- and The Boys

Favorite app?

Autodesk Sketchbook Pro

Secret talent?

For some reason, I can put people to sleep really easy when I pet their hair.

Most adventurous thing you’ve done in your life?

Went to Washington D.C. I got to see so many museums and cool little places.

How would you define yourself in three words?

Anxious. Sweet. Creative.

Favourite piece of clothing you own?

My leather jacket.

Must have clothing item everyone should have?

Fuzzy socks. Evwryoje deserves to have warm feet!

Superpower you would want?

Teleportation. I can go anywhere I want but also I can leave undesired sistiations when they get overwhelming.

What’s inspiring you in life right now?

People, music, books, movies/shows/games. You name it, i'll get something out of it.

Best piece of advice you’ve received?

Never give up, even when the odds seem stackwd agaisnt you. Always keep pushing forward and remember that there will always be someone in the world to fall back on when it gets to be too hard.

Best advice you’d give your teenage self?

You'll see and hear a lot of shit in life that'll being you down, that will make everything seem so bad... But it will get better. You'll make it to the next day, and you'll one day see yourself as a good person, even if you need that little push and reminder from your friends.

A book that everyone should read?

A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess

What would you like to be remembered for?

Being kind and helpful.

How do you define beauty?

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so it truly can't be defined generally without personal opinion slipping in.

What do you love most about your body?

My eyes. I really don't see anything worth while besides my eyes.

Best way to take a rest/decompress?

Curled up with my cats. I may be allergic but i'll be damned if I don't get a good rest without them.

Favourite place to view art?

Anywhere and everywhere. Sometimes it's fun going to a gallery and seeing the art others have created.

If your life were a song, what would it be?

Ça va ça va - Claudio Capéo

If you could master one instrument, what would it be?

Drums or the marimba.

If you had a tattoo, where would it be?

Upper arm or as a 3/4 sleeve.

What’s your spirit animal?

Maine Coon

Best gift you’ve ever received?

A small box made of cedar from my mother for my birthday. I don't know why but I was a sobbing mess when I got it.

Best gift you’ve ever given?

A 4ft x 6 ft painting in dedication to my aunts and their family after their car crash.

What’s your favourite board game?

Risk, Pandemic (Ha! Ironic), Monopoly, and Sorry!

What’s your favourite colour?

Blue and all shades of blue.

Least favourite colour?

Yellow.

Diamonds or pearls?

Neither. Give me some good old fashioned gemstones like quartz and I'll be happiee than a pig in mud.

Drugstore makeup or designer?

Drugstore. One, I don't have the money for designer makeup. Two, you can use drugstore and dollar store make-up to achieve the same look. And three, I don't wear makeup too often, so what's the point od paying top dollar for something I'll only use here and there?

Blow-dry or air-dry?

Either. Depends on how much time I've got on my hands.

Pilates or yoga?

Haven't done either but I would love to try yoga.

Coffee or tea?

Both!

What’s the weirdest word in the English language?

Hullaballoo.

hullaballoo. noun. 1. Sounds or a sound, especially when loud, confused, or disagreeable: babel, clamor, din, hubbub, noise, pandemonium, racket, rumpus, tumult, uproar.

Dark chocolate or milk chocolate?

Both, but also white chocolate!

Stairs or elevator?

Both

Summer or winter?

Both. I love the storms during the summer, and the snow during the winter. Especially New York winters (Buffalo in particular).

You are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat?

Chicken parmigiana

A dessert you don’t like?

Anything with Nutella.

A skill you’re working on mastering?

Welding. This year i'll be starting the rest of my classes to get certified in it.

Best thing to happen to you today?

Nothings really happened yet, but that can always change!

Best compliment you’ve ever received?

"Wow, you've got some talent" when it comes to my art or writing.

Favourite smell?

Rhododendrons and the forest floor after a rain storm.

Hugs or kisses?

Both! And at the same time makes it so much better.

If you made a documentary, what would it be about?

Paranormal locations along the Blue Ridge Parkway or how religion ties in with art.

Last piece of content you consumed that made you cry?

A poem about beauty in death and how the earth always reclaims what has been taken. The poem was truly amazing.

Lipstick or lip gloss?

Both.

Sweet or savory?

Both!!!

Girl crush?

Kate Beckinsale

How you know you’re in love?

I truly have no idea! I mean, I haven't been in love before...

Song you can listen to on repeat?

Fistfight by The Ballroom Thieves

If you could switch lives with someone for a day who would it be?

Mads Mikkelsen. He's classy, he's goofy, and who wouldn't want to?

What are you most excited about at this time in your life?

Persuing my passions. I'm on the road to become a Graphic Designer, and that's just so exciting to me!

------------

Tagging: @whitecrawace-mind-palace / @rosadiazbiqueen | @johnlocklover221 | @yancy-trash

#get to know the blogger #get to know me #tag game #73 questions #Spotify

[artificialqueens]

Notebook or Post-It -(Kamjie) -[Chapter 1] - Black_Magic

Here’s the first chapter. Hope you like it.

One of the hardest things in life is moving on. No matter what, it stings. I’ve learned that and experienced it time and time again. I’ve been in a few relationships that hurt me. None have hurt me like how Brooke did. I thought things were going well. Obviously they weren’t. I know I’ll eventually be able to talk about her or look in her direction without my heart skipping a beat or feeling my body tense in the worst way possible. Everyone says it’s not my fault, but I feel like it is. Every time I look forward to a relationship, when I think it’s safe to lower my walls…..I get hurt.

I know I gotta stop feeling sorry for myself. In turn, I found a way that helps me. I keep myself busy. I take anything thrown my way. Small gigs, brunch shows, even tours. Which is what brought me to the stage tonight. I am having a blast these past few weeks! I am on the best tour ever! Werq the World. So far, we’re still in America. Soon enough, we will be moving down to Latin America.

I don’t know how long I was staring out, but I’ve been thinking for a hot minute. I realized Kameron was trying to get my attention. “Jesus, girl. You were lost in another universe. I was afraid you were too far gone.”

I smiled and shook my head. “Sorry, Kam. I was just thinking about some stuff.” Kameron has been amazing. She’s been helping me when I space out or lose focus. We’ve been getting closer on tour and that makes me feel great. Kameron is a hard working bitch. She takes time to perfect her looks, numbers, and will always help a friend in need. In this case, it’s me.

“I could tell.” The show finished and the meet and greet was done and over with. All of us were de-dragging and going to separate locations. “Finish getting changed, I’m taking you out.” Wait, what!

“Where are we going?” I didn’t feel like going out, but I knew I should at least try. Even if it’s to make Kameron happy. Which lately, I’ve found is a pastime I love.

“We’re going to a bar down the street. I asked around and the only person who can come with us is Michelle. I thought we could have a few drinks and have fun. You know how Michelle is when she drinks.” We both laugh. That’s another thing she’s good at. Kameron can make me laugh and feel happy, even if it’s just for a moment. A moment is all I need. I’ll take it.

“Bitch, if that woman tells me she was in a girl group one more time, I will personally destroy what’s left of her tits.” Kameron laughs loudly and I join in.

Kameron finally catches her breath and leaves so I can focus on changing. I finish wiping off my makeup and throw away the wipes. I looked at the boy clothes I brought with me. Black jeans with a white t-shirt. I grabbed them and peeled off my padded filled tights. I love performing and being a lady, but damn am I happy to get into something more comfortable. Once I’m dressed, I look in the full body mirror. My outfit is good enough. I text one of the girls to get my stuff and hold it until later. Once I found someone to help me out, I walked out of the dressing room and saw Kameron was waiting for me. “Ready to go?” I nodded and followed him to the club. I noticed he had an outfit similar to mine, but he had a leather jacket on.

Michelle was already there. She saved Kameron and I seats at a booth. “Hey, you two. I haven’t eaten anything since this morning. I was thinking after we order drinks, I can order some wings for us. Sound good?”

My stomach rumbled as I realized how hungry I was. “That sounds amazing! Thanks, Michelle.” Kameron replied, causing Michelle and I to smile. So that’s what we did. We ordered a couple dozen wings with multiple dressings to dip in. While Kam and Michelle talked about today, I stayed silent. We were sitting beside each other. Not squished, but not right on top of each other. I soon had to break myself out of staring at the table. The server had come with our drinks. We thanked them and they returned to their conversation. After a few gulps, I joined so I’d be included.

“Bitch, the audience was living tonight. I heard them screaming from backstage. I had one earbud in and everything. The crowd was amazing.” I sipped from my glass. Michelle and Kameron agreed. The fans went crazy for us. Everyone was sickening tonight. I glanced at him and felt the both of us tense up. Was he looking at me? I looked again, and he was turned away, looking at something in the distance. Or just acting like it. Is it just me, or did he not want me to know he was staring? I was trying not to stare myself. I couldn’t help it. Kameron is attractive both in and out of drag.

I looked again, but this time we locked eyes. We were smiling and I lost sense of everything else around me. Then we both jumped because Michelle had slammed her hand on the table. “I said, I’m going to the restroom. If the server comes back, order me another one.” She pointed to her drink and I nodded my head.

I took a deep breath to calm my nerves. Kameron was now turned to me. “Did you have fun tonight?”

“I always have fun. I love whipping my hair and dancing for the audience.” Kameron nodded because he understood.

Then we sat in silence. It was a comfortable silence. I welcomed it with open arms. That is, until our food came. Two baskets filled with regular chicken wings were sat in front of us. There was a third filled with different dressings we also ordered. Just some ranch, hot sauce, and a house barbeque sauce. I took an appetizer plate and poured some of the ranch on. I grabbed a few wings to start with and dipped one in my dressing before tearing some off. It tasted amazing, but it was still hot. I heard Kameron chuckle. I turned to him with an eyebrow raised. “You got some ranch on the side of your lip.”

“I do? Where is it?” I asked and tried to lick around my mouth to get it. Kameron shook his head. He had a goofy smile on his face. He swiped it off with his thumb and paused for a moment before wiping it on his napkin. “Thanks, can’t take me anywhere, girl.” He chuckled at what I said. I noticed we both stared again. I don’t know what it was, but it felt like an invisible force was pulling me to him. I guess he felt it to because our thighs were now touching. One of Kam’s arms was resting on the back of the seat. His other hand made its way to my leg. I looked down for a moment, but then returned my gaze to his enchanting eyes. Have they always looked so good? For now, I don’t care. I have a handsome man looking at me. At my lips? Did he just glance at my lips? Is he leaning toward me like I wanted him to? I just wanna ki-

“Hey, look! The food is here. Good, because I am starving.” We both jumped so hard and I thought my heart was about to beat its way through my ribcage. “What were you two doing?”

Luckily I acted fast since Dumbo over here couldn’t even speak. “I thought I had something in my eye. It felt itchy. I had Kam look at it. Guess there was nothing like he said.” Michelle decided to change the subject and I was grateful for that. I had to absorb what just happened. I think Kameron was gonna kiss me. I finished first so I was just sitting there.

Soon enough, Michelle got up and left. She was tired and wanted to get some extra sleep. That left us two alone at the bar. “Do you wanna get some shots?”

This got my attention. Wow, that’s a tough decision. Do I wanna drink enough so I can get intoxicated? Do I wish to have fun? Should I let loose and not let negative thoughts dominate my night? “Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.” What can I say? I’m a grown up and can make my own decisions. That’s why I won’t over do it. I’ll just get a good enough buzz and stop so I can wake up without hating myself tomorrow.

He took me to the bar stools and flagged down the bartender. Luckily, we know each other from touring a few times. “Can I get a few shots of some of that?” He pointed to a bottle of white rum. I don’t know if I’ve tried that before. I hope it isn’t coconut flavored. That tastes nasty to me. The bartender got two shot glasses and gave us the bottle. I guess there wasn’t much left in it. She poured our first drinks and took the money he gave her. “Keep the change.” She smiled and walked off to attend to someone else. We picked them up and drank in one gulp.

Luckily it wasn’t coconut rum. It did taste good, though. “Thanks for taking me here. I was thinking too much earlier and I was accidentally bringing myself down.” He smiled and gave me a short side hug.

“No problem, Vanj. I know how that is. Sometimes we can be our own worst enemy. So now that Michelle is gone, how are you? Like truthfully, how are you doing?”

I sighed as I felt like my heart stopped. I was afraid someone would ask this. “I think I’m doing good. I still feel hurt from Brooke Lynn, no surprise there. I don’t know why I think every relationship would be different or better. I have been in a toxic relationship before. Maybe I just crave a connection with a guy who at least gives me attention and loves me even a little. I’m trying to stay calm. Michelle said I’ll get a guy if I stop looking and be patient. I don’t believe that, but I just need to focus on my schedule and the tour, for now.” I gulped down another shot to try and calm my nerves.

Kameron took my hand in his own. He had a sympathetic smile. “It’s alright, girl. I think things will start to look up for you soon enough.” I feel happier knowing somebody has true faith in me.

#rpdr fanfiction #kameron michaels #vanessa vanjie mateo #kamjie #michelle visage #brooke lynn hytes #comfort #tour fling #black magic

[lovemesomesurveys]

What would you call your body type? Stick thin? *shrug*

Are you a morning person? Nooo, I sleep in late. I’m still crabby regardless of when I get up; though, and still feel tired and unrested and in serious need of coffee.

Have you ever been to Target? Countless times. I love Target.

Do you like iced tea? Sure. I couldn’t tell you the last time I had any, though.

When is the next time you’ll be at work? I don’t have a job.

Do you have a savings account? No.

Has anyone ever hacked your accounts before? Yes.

What color bedsheets are currently on your bed? They’re like an off white color.

Have you ever been to Disney World? If so, how many times have you been? Nope. I’ve been to Disneyland several times, though.

Does grammar and capitalization mean anything to you? It absolutely does.

Are you good at wrapping gifts for others? I’m not the best wrapper ever, but I do enjoy doing it.

Do you have a dirty clothes hamper in your room? Yes.

What would you say is your favorite television show? I have several.

Do you enjoy big holiday dinners? My family’s big holiday dinners got a lot smaller over the years, sadly. Now it’s just my parents, brother, and I. I love that, too, but I miss when more of my family was able to get together. Is your vision good? With my glasses on, yeah. ha.

Is there any piece of jewelry you’re constantly wearing? Nope.

What is one thing you desire as of now? To be able to fast forward through summer and also get back to some normalcy. I know things will be different now, but it’d be nice to get to a place where we didn’t have the fear of catching a highly contagious virus looming over our heads. Will it ever get to that point?

What kind of phone do you have? An iPhone XR.

If you could move anywhere, where would you choose? Somewhere with cooler weather year round. A place where you experience actual autumns and winters and not long, miserable summers.

Do you blog a lot, if at all? This is my blog.

Is your present hair color, natural? No.

What makes you the most angry when it comes to people? There’s a few things that come to mind, but I don’t want to get into that.  

Describe your current outfit? Black leggings and a black shirt. My usual attire. 

What was the last thing you ordered online? A couple of shirts for my mom and I. I want to order some of Bath & Body Works’ beachy scented hand soaps and body sprays as well. At least I can smell like the beach since I can’t go to one. :(

Have you ever felt as though you were drifting apart from a best friend? Yeah, and I did.

What color are your eyes? Brown.

Have you ever worn color contacts? Nope. I haven’t worn any contacts, just the idea of putting them in my eye and taking them out freaks me out.

What’s the best thing about a hug? They can be nice and comforting. They can also be awkward. It just depends. 

Biggest fear? Losing my loved ones, death, never getting better/getting worse, never doing anything with my life....

If you have a significant other, how long have you been together? I’m single.

Do you know any genuinely friendly people? Yes.

Do you buy your friends gifts? I bought them birthday and Christmas gifts. What was the last thing you plugged in? My phone to the charger.

How old are you? 30.

What color headphones do you own? They’re black.

Have you ever shopped on Urban Outfitters? Yeah, just a couple of times. They’re way overpriced.

Where do you buy the majority of your clothing? BoxLunch, Hot Topic, and Kohl’s. 

Would you rather wear necklaces or earrings? Earrings.

Do you consider yourself fortunate? I am in some ways.

Do you enjoy watching fights? Nooo.

Have you ever been in a physical fight? No.

Do you tend to talk badly about people? If I do it’s usually about people that have done stupid or ridiculous things that I hear or read about in the news. 

Where are your parents as of now? They’re in bed asleep.

Does your computer cooperate most of the time? Yeah, I haven’t had any problems. It’s only about 3 years old.

Does your family have any cheesy traditions? Sure, but I love ‘em.

When did you last go to a book store? Sometime last year.

What’s the closest book store where you live? Barnes & Noble. How much money do you have on you right now? None.

Favorite personal feature? I like my hair sometimes like after it’s been recently colored and styled. 

Are you wearing make up at the moment? Nope.

Favorite television channel? MTV, E!, The Hallmark Channel, ID.

Describe any piercings or tattoos you might have? I just have my earlobes pierced. No tattoos. 

Have you ever been fired from a job? I’ve never had a job.

Are you currently losing a best friend? No.

Describe the worst day of your life: Let’s not.

Do you play any video games? Yeah. Currently, I’ve been super into Animal Crossing: New Horizons.

Would you say you hate anyone? Apart from myself, no.

Do you think freckles are cute? Sure.

Last time you went to the mall? Back in early February. 

Name something that’s your favorite color: One of my favorite colors is rose gold and I have a really soft throw blanket that I love in that color.

Have you been to Red Lobster before? Yeah, several times. Haven’t been there in years, though. I’m not a seafood fan at all, but they had a delicious creamy cajun pasta. 

Do you judge by appearances? >> Judge what, exactly? There is some information I process through appearance, yeah – like, I assume that a person wearing a Behemoth t-shirt and black jeans with a chain wallet is probably a metalhead. Or that a person with impeccable hair and nails and makeup is probably really fussy about their appearance. The thing is, these are still things that I could possibly be wrong about, but it’d be harmless. <<< 

Do you follow a certain religion? Yes, Christianity. 

Who is your role model, if you had to choose? My mom.

Would you rather have nice hair or lips? Hair.

What are you most self conscious about? A lot of things.

Do you have any family members who live out of town? Yeah.

Do you consider yourself short? Yes.

What room are you in? Mine.

Hoodies or jackets? Hoodies.

Are you outside a lot? Ha, no. I’ve been a hermit crab years before the quarantine/lockdown this year, but that definitely has made it worse.

Have you ever been dumped via text message? Yes.

Do you like dreamcatchers? They’re pretty to look at, but I don’t believe they do anything. 

What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? I don’t have one.

Do you hate repetitive people and things? >> Er… like, not as a rule, I guess. But there are some repetitive things I hate, like certain sounds. <<< Yeah, same. And my life is also very repetitive.

Do you think autocorrect is a blessing or curse? It can helpful and annoying at times.

Do you believe in any particular curses? No.

Ever play a Ouija board? No. I don’t mess with stuff like that.

What movie scares you the most? There really isn’t one anymore. I love horror films. Some do still creep me out, but there isn’t one that has messed me up or anything. There’s no lasting effect after I watch them.

What was your bedtime as a child? Probably like 8 and then probably 9 and 10 as I got older. 

Reason why your favorite holiday is your favorite: I just love Christmastime.

Do you work with any close friends? I don’t have a job.

Do you consider yourself spoiled? You could say that. I hate that word, though. I feel it has such a negative connotation to it, like a spoiled brat. I was never Veruca Salt or something. My parents didn’t give me whatever wanted, but they always made sure I had what I needed and went above and beyond when they could. My brother and I were good kids and they rewarded us with nice things. I’m very fortunate that they still provide for me and I’m very, very appreciative.

Do you listen to any country music? Yeah.

Favorite high school teacher: My sophomore history teacher was really cool. He reminded me of Rob Dyrdek a lot looks and personality wise. I also remember that he was a huge fan of RHCP and had them playing everyday before class. 

Do you ever get drunk? Not anymore, but I have many times back when I used to drink.

Have you ever had highlights before? I had them for several years.

Favorite number: 8.

Do you still sleep with any stuffed animals? I have 4 that sit on my bed. What is your biggest regret in life? I don’t want to get into that stuff.

Would you say you think you have a mental disorder of some kind? I do have a some mental disorders.

Are you normally an independent person? I used to be more independent than I have been these past few years. I’ve been very dependent these past few years. 

Do you have any paintings? I do.

What is one clothing fad you wish never existed? I don’t care. 

Do you like to be organized? Yes and I used to be pretty organized, but that’s changed these past few years as well. 

Have you ever failed a class before? I had to retake a math course one in community college. Funny how I took it with a different professor and actually did really well.

Ever been judged because of your weight? I’m underweight and people have their own assumptions about it. What is your favorite breakfast cereal? The sugary bad ones, ha.

Ever had a wish come true? I don’t believe in wishes.

Do you regret meeting any of your exes? No. 

Do you own any coloring books? Yes. Adult coloring books became a big thing a few years ago and I got really into it. 

What’s the meanest thing someone’s called you? I’ve said the meanest, cruelest things to myself.

Have you ever bullied someone? No.

Do you ever watch Lifetime? Growing up my mom and I used to love watching Lifetime movies. We’d binge watch ‘em every weekend. Now we’ll catch a movie every once in awhile and kind of get hooked again, but not very often.

Ever tried to intentionally sabotage someone’s grade? Wow, no.

Do you own any brown clothing? I have a brown pair of leggings.

What color are your walls painted? White.

Last thing you drank: Starbucks Doubleshot energy drink.

Have you ever seen a tornado in person? Noooo.

Do you have an inground pool at your house? No.

What is the first digit of your phone number? What’s the prettiest town you’ve been to? There’s been a few.

Do you tend to sleep a lot? When I do sleep, yes. I have a messed up sleep schedule and it’s hard for me to fall asleep, but when I do I’ve been sleeping a lot. I’d nap a lot everyday, too, if I allowed myself to, but for some reason I rarely do.

Silver or gold jewelry? I like both.

Do you sometimes celebrate holidays early? Well, for Christmas we’ve done something the day or so before with family. 

Have you ever been in love? Yes. 

What’s the best gift you’ve ever received? Everything my family has given and done for me.

When was the last time you showered? A couple days ago.

Would you consider yourself attractive? No.

Has anyone made you mad today? Not as of now.

Favorite smell: Sigh, I’ve listed this too many times.

Are you afraid of insects? YES. ALL of them.

Do you have any children? Nooo.

If so, what are their names?

Would ever consider having children in the future? I don’t want to have children.

Have you ever lived on a farm? No.

Ever played any sports? No.

Do both of your parents have jobs? Yes.

Where is the best place you’ve been on vacation to? I love all the vacations I’ve been on.

Are you afraid people won’t accept you? That’s not something I’m concerned about right now. Haven’t been the last few years. And that’s not at all because I’m confident or something... very much the opposite. 

Are you, for the most part, an honest person? Yes.

Did you make prank phone calls as a child? My friends and I did that sometimes in middle school. :X So dumb.

Do you like to make donations? Yeah.

What is your current ringtone? One of the ones that came with the phone.

Meet anyone from your past lately? No.

Have you ever called a teen suicide line? No.

Have you ever caught something on fire? Yes. Food in the microwave and in the oven. Also the tips of my hair once when blowing out birthday candles... 

Ever been obsessed with a show? Yeah. That’s what tends to happen when I’m into a show.

What type of perfume or cologne do you use? A body spray from Bath & Body Works called Into the Night. I want to get some of their beachy scents now.

What’s the last book you read? I’m currently reading, The Girl and the Hunt by AJ Rivers.

Dream career: I have no idea.

Have you ever climbed a mountain before? No.

At what age do you plan to get married? I don’t.

Ever been in a car accident? No.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

[vipclifford]

Not alright but i’ll pretend was so good im cry! as i was reading it i kinda imagined an alternate ending where yn is flying in cause calums been on her mind or whatever and while he’s outside smoking and having a breakdown she just comes up being him and reminds him he shoukd stop smoking and he’s being all cold and is like wow you came to break my heart in person and all that but then yeah they makeup n all that

pt one masterlist

“You’ll feel whole again one day. I promise.”

Calum ignored Ashton’s comment, knowing that they were full of lies and empty promises. Nobody would ever be able to fill the hole in his chest like you did. The hole you created through words that tore through his heart. The same hole he was filling up with smoke, content with the temporary replacement it provided.

The soft buzz of his friend’s phone seemed to trigger Ashton to walk away, back into the arena, leaving Calum on his own. Alone in the empty outdoors, nothing but his own thoughts and a packet of Marlboro to keep him company. He wiped away whatever tears were left over when he heard the rusty door open a few minutes later, quiet footsteps making their way to sit down beside him. The cigarette he held in his fingers managed to fulfill its lifetime by the time the unknown person decided to speak.

“Smoking kills, you know?” Calum’s head snapped towards you in shock at the sound of your voice, turning away just as quickly when he reminded himself of the pain you’ve caused him. “You should stop.”

“Why are you here,” he questioned in a monotonous manner, taking out yet another cigarette from its packaging for effect. He felt power in contradicting you. You watched him in silence as he took the first drag. “Was breaking my heart over the phone not enough? Did you have to come do it in person?”

“I miss you,” you told him simply, making Calum snort.

“Guess that’s life,” he shrugged, unwilling to display any sort of emotion towards you. His cold tone struck you, never having been on its receiving end before. But Calum didn’t care. He wanted to hurt you. He wanted to make you feel even a fraction of the pain you’ve caused him.

“You’re allowed to hate me,” you informed him quietly. “I hate myself a little too,” you chuckled humourlessly, frowning at his lack of response. “I just wanted to say that I’m really sorr–”

“I don’t want to hear it, Y/N,” he interjected, cutting you off. He paused for a few seconds, trying to regulate his breathing because he knew that otherwise salty tears were going to escape, betraying him. “This has been the worst breakup I’ve ever experienced, you know?” he muttered, shaking his head as he faced the stars. “I thought we were happy. I thought that we were so happy and in love that nothing could’ve ever come between us. And the worst part is that I can’t even blame you for choosing to end it, can’t even blame you for the ache in my chest that won’t let me sleep at night. An ache so intense that it won’t let me breathe, sometimes I genuinely feel like I’m dying,” he confesses, looking down at the ground as he stubbed his cigarette. “I can’t blame you for not wanting to deal with my lifestyle.”

Resting your hands on your outstretched legs, you thought of the right words to say to break the deafening silence surrounding you both. You looked over at Calum, admiring his side profile as he sat watching the moon. Anything to distract himself from you.

“Remember when we met?” you started, tearing your gaze away from him to stare up at the sky, reminiscing. “It was around four years ago, I think. We were at some club in LA and Ashton had decided to hit on my friend. They left us on our own when she dragged him onto the dance floor, so we just sat together in our own little corner of the club, sipping on drinks while being bitter towards love.” Calum’s lips couldn’t help but curl upwards at the memory. “I think that that was what initially brought us both together. Our passionate hatred towards love and anything to do with it. We then became pretty good friends for around a year after that, before you stopped being a pussy and finally decided to ask me out. I was so happy because I fancied you so much at the time,” you confessed with a sad chuckle. “The next two years together were the best years of my life. We were in love and we were happy. So happy and in love that I began to imagine a future by your side and that scared me so much, Cal.”

Calum looked over at you for the first time that night. For the first time in months. He carefully analysed your features, noticing the bags beneath your tired eyes. Your hair was a little longer than he remembered, slightly messy from the long flight. Not being able to pull you towards him and press kisses to your lips killed him inside.

“Picturing a future without you was even worse. I don’t want to let that become a reality, if you’ll let me. I regret letting you go, Cal. I’ve regretted it everyday since I ended things out of fear of you realising you didn’t want to settle for someone like me, and I’d do anything to get you back.” Your voice was shaky with nerves, heart beating harshly in your chest. “I’m so sorry Calum, for everything. Would you like to give us another chance?”

His lack of response made you feel anxious, your predictions on the outcome becoming more negative by the second.

“Okay,” you murmured defeatedly, trying to hold back the tears at least until you were out of his sight. Calum’s fingers suddenly moved to grasp yours as you tried to stand up, fingers interlacing. You gave him a look full of hope and confusion.

“Yeah,” he spoke quietly. “I want to get back together with you.” The softest of smiles sat on his lips and you couldn’t help the tears fall out of pure relief. He chuckled as he tugged on your hand to pull you closer to him, hands moving to your cheeks to wipe away your tears. “Don’t cry, baby,” he said with a soft laugh.

“I’m just happy,” you insisted as he pulled your body even closer to his and God did he love how you fit so good against his chest. The two of you whispered quiet ‘I love you’s between loving kisses.

He was happy too.

This took me a whole day to write omg hope it was good enough? I struggle with dialogue. If anyone ever wants me to write anything don’t forget to request and i’ll do it! Fill up my inbox with asks!

join my taglist

#you ask i supply #5sos #calum hood #calum hood x reader #calum hood one shot #calum hood fic #calum fic #calum hood fanfic #calum hood imagines #calum hood imagine #calum hood blurb #calum hood blurbs #5sos fanfic #5sos one shot #5sos x reader #5sos fic #5sos imagine #5sos writing #5sos blurb #5sos angst #5sos fluff #calum fluff #calum angst #calum imagine #my writing

[guardiandae]

Meta/Commentary Part 1: A Little ‘XO’ Wouldn’t Go Amiss

(Spoilers below)

Wade finally learned his roomie's real name on day two, when the proposed nickname of 'Priscilla' was rejected via stabbing.

"Y'know- I usually know a guy's name before I let him penetrate me," Wade joked, gritting through the pain.

"My name is Nathan Summers. You can call me Nate. Or you can shut your whore mouth."

I’m gonna say this right now so when I finally finish the sequel of this fic, nobody can cry foul or anything or pretend that I didn’t plan everything all along from the very start of this journey: There’s a reason why Nate stabbed Wade and it’s not just to be an edgelord. This fic starts written in Wade’s POV and then switches to Nate’s, and there is so much more info revealed from Nate’s perspective that changes how interactions are colored. In the sequel, it’s not written in that style but eventually you will understand Nate’s POV and be able to look back on this (and other moments) and be like, Ah. I spent a few months just agonizing over this fic planning. The levels of depth going on here, you don’t know.

Also it’s hilarious because, the movie never really establishes Cable’s real name so hi, it’s Nathan Summers. Scott Summers’ (Cyclops)’s son, but like... older than him because future and time traveling hijinks or whatever. This is only important because like, daddy issues.

-

technically they were even sleeping together, even if Nate slept in the only bedroom because he'd called dibs and Wade slept on the couch in a pile of fast food wrappers.

Denial.

Living with Nate was weird after living with Vanessa for so long. No more kisses -- not like he wanted any.

Denial!

-

Usually when Wade got home, Nate was never there.  Hours later when Nate did come back, he'd just go to bed. Other times, Wade was hired for jobs that took days of travel to complete. There was little interaction between them and they barely saw each other, so Wade took to leaving little notes behind.

[Went to get milk. And also to put a cap in someone's ass. He's a bad guy though, so don't worry. I'll be home late. xoxo] [Forgot the milk. Also didn't cap the guy so I didn't get paid. Can you pick some up while you're out? xoxo]

So much info in one little spot. Nate only sees them as roommates, as a living arrangement and tenuous partnership to serve as an end to both of their needs. Nate has a place to live, and his only responsibility, as we learn in his POV, is to pay the rent on Wade’s behalf, with Wade’s money, because Wade is a disaster and his memory is getting worse. Not only is Wade just an annoying person who can’t take anything seriously, in his incorrect opinion, but there’s that level of guilt for feeling like a freeloader when Nate is the kind of person who’s had to fight just to survive his entire life. Wade’s little notes are so sweet, but to Nate, 1. weird 2. is this a joke? 3. stop reminding me of how much you care and meanwhile i can barely bring myself to write a note back, aaaaaa

I need to remember to revive the note-leaving between them in the sequel. It’s too cute, I can’t stand it.

-

Mercenary jobs had become harder to come by, and then work dried up. It was almost like nobody wanted to pay a guy to kill people anymore. As if there could ever be a shortage of people in the world who needed to die. But when one door closes, another opens -- everywhere he went, he suddenly saw slews of missing persons flyers. Wade had never noticed how many there were before, but he took it as a sign. He'd always wanted to try his hand at being a P.I. and Wade hadn't realized that the market was booming with families desperate to find loved ones. He offered his services as a private dick to several different people, but every single case was unsolvable. It was like they'd just vanished into thin air, but he knew that wasn't possible. It was frustrating to realize he was such a lousy dick.

Spoilers, but this is when the Thanos snap happens, and Wade is completely oblivious. Could someone who can be so devastatingly observant really be so obtuse? Or is his mind just protecting itself from such an incomprehensible reality that everyone else is suddenly saddled with? These are things Nate wonders later as well. Even I don’t know for sure. (I haven’t watched End Game and there’s still more plotline to tackle during the Snap, don’t @ me about how Marvel did it, I don’t know and I don’t care, I have my own plans)  (By the way, characters will either be snapped or inexplicably alive, and that’s not a plot hole, that’s the joke. Welcome to Marvel, the writers never fucking make sense and I don’t have to either, YEET)

[Someone tried to sell a metal arm on the black market????!! It better be Bucky's and not yours. Not like I care.] [It was Bucky's.]

Rip Buckkyyyyyy lmaooo

But also, cryyyy because Nate is busy trying to help deal with absolute fucking chaos and he didn’t really stop to consider whether Wade would be wondering what happened to him. Ow. Yeah, I think Wade definitely subconsciously registered what happened and is in total denial of reality. It’s better that way. Nobody fucking tell him.

-

There was nothing that he hated more than being ignored. Might as well just talk to himself. Which he did a lot of lately.

Foreshadowing.

-

All of the warmth left his body at once, leaving him a little breathless and dizzy. He was vaguely aware of Nate looking at him, but it was less of a 'you're home' and more of a ' why are you here?'

This whole area of the fic hurts so good because I’m gay and I love drama.

Wade coming home, literally bleeding to death on the inside and in shock because, once again, everything went to shit for him, story of his life. And he sees Nate just there, dressed down, relaxed, and has this little flash of domestic happiness because he so desperately wishes that the domestic happiness was real and that Nate actually was waiting for him and happy to see him come home, and the hard snap back to reality where Nate doesn’t even like him is soooo fucking painful lol end me. And on top of that, he misread Nate’s concern as hate/disgust for him bc that’s what he’s used to, and then he passes out on the floor and wakes up with Nate over him because I’m gay and I love drama!!!!

-

"Wade, you died for a second," Nate told him. Wade couldn't quite tell if Nate was concerned for him or just annoyed. "I had to pull a piece of metal pipe from your chest. Can you tell me what happened?"

"I got a… pipe in my chest," Wade said, pausing for breath. His lungs felt wet and heavy. He should've left the pipe in.

"Very illuminating," Nate deadpanned, letting go. "Anything else I should know?"

This moment where Nate is so very fucking concerned for Wade, but then Wade cracks a weak joke, because that’s how he copes, and Nate is like, wow, fuck it, so much for being worried about you.

[[SCREAMS IN GAY.]]

-

These thoughts didn't feel like his own, even though they had his voice. His mind was always scattered, full of thoughts that flowed nonstop like a babbling brook. Sometimes it took a lot of conscious effort to reign himself in and make sense of his own head. But these just popped out of nowhere, in bold print, in boxes that were separate from everything else.

"Am I going nuts?" he wondered aloud, whispering to himself, because honestly, he was a little afraid of his own head right now.

(A little late to be asking that.)

And this is when the ‘boxes’ manifest for Wade. But in this fic, the voices that manifest in his head are his own intrusive, negative thoughts. The depression, the loneliness, the self-hatred, the belief and fear that Nate hates him too.

-

I’m gonna recap vs a full copy and paste because the next bit is long:

-Wade is coughing up blood clots from his lungs in the morning, or trying to. -Nate is disgusted but also sympathetic and offers to help Wade out. -A really layered conversation occurs.

“Maybe if I drown myself in the bathtub, the blood clots will rinse out. What d'you think?"

Wade’s exhausted. Joking, but also dead serious. Nate is concerned about Wade making such a dark joke, but he also can tell that Wade really is struggling.

“I’ll help you.”

“Really?” Wade is relieved Nate wants to help him, at first, but then remembers he just said he wanted to drown himself in a bathtub, and becomes disheartened again because he remembers Nate doesn’t like him. “Oh. Yeah.”

From Wade’s point of view: Nate just offered to help Wade kill himself, because of course someone would get a kick out of drowning him, he’s annoying, yadda yadda.

From Nate’s point of view: Wade isn’t okay and he offered to help him with his problem, because he sounds desperate and Nate doesn’t think that jokes will help Wade with his mental state, nor will the drowning actually do anything to solve the problem (the blood clots festering in his lungs).

"I bet you'd love to hold me down and watch me struggle," he said, still thinking about the drowning idea. Then, in a flirtatious tone, "I'll make it good for you, baby. Just promise me we'll do it face to face."

From Wade’s POV: He’s making a joke about Nate drowning him, but also making a sex joke to make it funny, to mock Nate if he really does want to drown Wade, so maybe he wouldn’t do it, or maybe it’d be weird and interesting.

From Nate’s POV: Wade is flirting with him, and his humor and still really dark and Nate really shouldn’t laugh at it or encourage that kind of thing.

From Wade’s POV, seeing Nate trying not smile: ah holy fuck he really wants to drown me.

"I don't want to watch you struggle," Nate said. If he did, he'd just leave Wade alone to keep coughing up blood.

"Ah. Consensual," Wade nodded. "Okay, well, I'd be open to some over-the-clothes stuff, and whatever happens while I'm still dead doesn't count."

Nate couldn't help but laugh. "I don't think we're having the same conversation."

Wade is continuing the joke, because from his POV he’s like, whelp, this might as well be what happens.

But they really aren’t having the same conversation. There’s more like, four different conversations happening at once. Wade’s very sincere idea of drowning himself as a solution to his problems, and Wade joking about Nate drowning him as a sexual innuendo.  Nate interpreting Wade’s dark humor as a shitty attempt at flirting that he neither wants to encourage nor outright shoot down, and Nate offering to give Wade a better solution to fix his actual problem.

And Nate’s solution is to use his telekinesis to just... remove all the shit from Wade’s lungs. But he didn’t communicate that idea with Wade before just doing it, even if he did ask permission, so that’s pretty shitty and hence why we had to add the ‘Nonconsensual Telekinetic Heimlich Maneuver’ tag. smh

"That was dubious at best and now we have to add a warning in the tags," Wade sighed. "Non-consensual telekinetic Heimlich maneuver…. This is problematic now. People aren't gonna click on this."

-

This is a good spot to stop for now and continue in another post.

#self meta #reread #a little xo wouldn't go amiss

[badchoosey]

LoveHacks, Book One. Chapter 1: This Story Will Change Your Life

You make your way to the counter at a San Francisco cafe before the first day of work at your new job. The barista hands you a latte, complete with a recycled paper sleeve and your name written on the side.

Dad: Thank you! That’s… not how you spell Dad. Is Dadthaq even a name?

A guy in a plaid shirt over by the milk and sweeteners flashes you a smile.

Evan: They never spell my name right either. I’m Evan. Or ‘Effin’, according to my coffee.

Dad: I’m Dad.

Evan: So, Dad, do you take sugar in your coffee? Because I’m pretty sure you’re sweet enough as it is.

Dad: You were cuter before you started talking.

Evan: Ouch! … But you do think I’m cute, right?

Dad: Maybe.... But you definitely need to work on your flirting skills.

Evan: And I suppose you’re on expert on flirting?

Dad: It’s kinda my job, so… yeah. It’s my first day at ClickIt. You know, viral posts, life hacks, listicles?

Evan: I’ve heard of it. ‘20 Things Only 90s Kids Will Understand’... That kinda stuff?

Dad: Exactly. I’m the newest writer for their love and dating section.

Evan: Love and dating, huh? In that case… how am I doing?

Dad: Honestly? Your game is weak, son. Your body language is all wrong. You’re trying to look confident, but you have a tenseness that gives away how nervous you are. And you used a pick up line, which can come off as unoriginal, or even fake. You should be yourself.

Evan: Wow. Anything else?

Dad: Actually… you’ve had something in your teeth this whole time.

Evan immediately covers his mouth.

Dad: Kidding! You’ve done well enough that if you gave me your number, I wouldn’t immediately delete it. I might even let you show me around the city sometime…

Evan: It’d be my pleasure.

You exchange numbers with Evan, who smiles the whole time.

Evan: Wow, you really are good at this. How is someone like you still single?

Dad: I’m single because I have high standards. No one has managed to meet all my requirements.

Evan: Oh, it’s like that, huh?

Dad: It’s like that. You’re free to try to be the first, though.

Evan: Any chance you’re walking my way? I’m headed to the Zamble offices.

Dad: Cushy tech job, huh? I’m actually heading the other way. Can’t be late for my first day on the job!

You walk into the ClickIt office for the first time…

Dad: Whoa. What is this place…?

Martin: You must be Dad. I’m Martin, editor-in-chief here at ClickIt. This way. We’re about to start our daily stand-up.

Dad: Daily what?

Martin: I don’t know how they do things on the East Coast, but out here, we host a meeting each morning so all the writers can sync up.

Martin leads you to a brightly decorated lounge area where several men are already sitting on bean bag chairs.

Martin: Not the sort of vibe you’re a used to, huh?

Dad:This place looks like something out of Sesame Street.

Coworker: Really? You have a problem with our comfortable, creative environment? Maybe we could get you a wooden rocking chair, or a butter churn.

Dad: The bean bag is fine.

Coworker: See, Marty? A chick on the staff for one minute, and she’s already trying to redecorate. Total buzzkill.

Dad: Excuse me?!

Coworker 2: Hey, TJ, can you turn down the ‘douche’? She just got here…

TJ: I don’t take advice from junior writers, Felix.

Martin: Behave now, boys. Everyone, meet our newest Clicker, Dad. She’s the head of the new LoveHacks page. She’ll be our resident expert in all things fashion and romance.

TJ: So, the girly stuff?

Martin: Dad knows what she’s doing. Her personal blog post, ‘The Worst Date Ever’, went legit viral! Two million likes, five hundred shares, and more retweets than Kendall Jenner’s latest selfie. And I’m sure she has plenty more ideas up her sleeve!

Martin looks at you expectantly.

Dad: Oh, right! Actually, I’m glad you brought that up, Martin, because I’ve done a lot of brainstorming lately… How’s this for a headline? ‘Table for One: How to be Happy and Single.’

TJ: Ha! What are we, a website for ugly people?

Dad: Ugly people? You mean single women?

TJ: That article would get, like, negative clicks. But if you insist on catering to the uggos, you gotta at least make it snappy. Something like… ‘Five Ways to Replace Your BF With a Body Pillow!’ That sorta thing.

Dad: That’s… that’s actually not bad.

TJ: You know, I’d be happy to help you with some field research, if you want. Teach you a thing or two about love.

Martin: Field research! That’s a great idea!

TJ: … It is?

Martin: Dad can go on dates and write… ‘The 10 Guys You Date in Your Twenties!’ What do you think?

Dad: I’m gonna need a company card to do this right.

TJ: What, you can’t even get a guy to pay for you?

Dad: It’s the 21st century, TJ. Women can pay for things too.

Martin: Dad’s right. I’ll talk to the finance department and see what I can do. One month should be more than enough time for the article. I expect to see your progress and notes each week.

Dad: Yes, sir.

Soon after, you settled into your new workspace, a desk clustered together with others in the big, open space of the ClickIt office. Suddenly, a kind face leans into view from the workspace next to you.

Felix: Hey! I’m Felix. Looks like we’re desk-neighbours. Sorry about Tj back there. He can be a jerk sometimes. And by that I mean all the time.

Dad: I know the type. How and why do people put up with him?

Felix: Despite being a human poop emoji, he’s actually one of the most clicked writers on our site… and he’s Martin’s favorite.

Dad: That’s not fair, someone needs to call Martin out! No one should get special treatment for being buddy-buddy with the boss!

Felix: Hey, people have tried, but what’re you gonna do? Martin signs the checks, and we all tryin’ to get dat paper! … I immediately regret saying ‘get dat paper’. Let’s pretend I didn’t.

Dad: Stricken from the record.

Just then, a woman strides over, glaring at Felix.

Coworker: Felix, did you eat all our horseradish for your stupid video?

Felix: Isabel! Yes, I, uh, did! But I also got ‘Horseradish Challenge Fail’ trending! And the doctor says my sinuses will heal in no time.

Isabel sighs and turns to you.

Isabel: It’s Dad right? I’m Isabel. Don’t let Felix rope you into any of his videos, especially anything that involves wasabi.

Dad: Duly noted.

Isabel turns and walks away, and you notice Felix watching as she leaves.

Dad: I see what’s going on here… you totally HATE Isabel. You guys get on each other’s last nerve.

Felix: No! I mean, we kinda do… but I don’t hate her! I would never…

Dad: Oh, I got this all wrong… This tension isn’t anger… You like her, don’t you?

Felix: Well… maybe? Alright, fine, yes… But it’s not my dating life we should be discussing. What are you gonna do for your first date?

Dad: Good question. I kinda got caught off guard.

Felix: There’s no one in town you could call up? Word is you’re originally from the Bay, right?

Dad: Well… there is one guy. A good friend from college, Mark…

(Now Playing as Mark Collins.)

You’re walking down a bustling San Francisco street on your way to the Muni bus station.

Mark: There is not enough caffeine in the world for me right now.

You finish your energy drink before tossing the empty can into a bin. Your roommate, Cole, looks up from his phone.

Cole: You alright? You’ve been acting weird all morning.

Mark: I… didn’t sleep well last night. I’ve got a lot on my mind.

Cole: Wait… Is this because your college friend is back in town? The one who got away?

Mark: She’s not ‘the one who got away’.

Cole: Riiiight. You only talk about her all the time. And not in the ‘have you seen the latest episode of The Walking Dead’ way. In the ‘Dear Diary, I love her sooooo much’ kinda way.

Mark: I’m not the type to get lovesick. Sure, we were close in college, but that’s all.

Cole: Please. I’ve been your roommate for years now. I know when you have a crush on someone. I saw it when you first discovered Zooey Deschanel, and I see it when you talk about your long-lost BFF.

Mark: Fine. You wanna know the truth? The real, one hundred percent truth?

You lean towards Cole, and he leans forward to meet you…

Mark: Go to hell, Cole.

Cole: Aw, come on. I thought we were having a bonding moment!

Mark: You’re the worst.

Cole: Love you too, roomie. Anyway, you should call her up. Invite her to The Double Tap for drinks. Meet the gang.

Mark: I dunno. I have that work thing tonight…

Cole: Whatever you say, man. But she’s probably wondering about you as we speak…

(Now Playing as Dad).

Felix: Soooo… you gonna call this Mark guy, or what?

Dad: Oh! It’s uh… It’s just been so long, and…

Felix: … It’s complicated. Say no more. In that case, can’t you just go to a bar or something and get a guy’s number? You’re an expert, right?

Dad: Oh! Actually… I picked up a phone number at the coffee shop before work!

Felix: Okay, now you’re making this look too easy.

Later, you and Felix go to a small boutique just off Market Street.

Dad: Thanks for coming with me to pick out an outfit for my date tonight! I didn’t think you’d want to come shopping.

Felix: Hey. I’m helping you with research. Any time I can get out of the office and still get paid, I’m down. So, where’s Evan taking you tonight?

Dad: Some new club… Mystique, I think it was.

Felix: Mystique? Seriously?! That club is impossible to get into! Rumor has it the VIP lounge has an ice luge for vodka shots and its own taco bar. And last year, DJ Khaled played!

Dad: You listen to DJ Khaled?

Felix: No. I’m more of a Lumineers guy… but I recognise how big DJ Khaled is. Mystique is very exclusive, but you never know who you’ll run into there…

Dad: In that case, I’d better look my best.

Just then, a little black dress catches your eye. You run your fingers over the bright sequins.

Felix: Wow. If you wear that dress, Evan will fall all over himself trying to impress you.

Dad: I definitely have to try this on! … Actually I think I’ll go with this mustard dress instead. The other one is very… sparkly.

Felix: Are you sure? I mean, I know I’m not very stylish but..

Dad: You don’t like this one?

Felix: No, that’s not what I meant! I’ll, uh, just defer to your judgement…

Dad: I’m ready for my first big date in San Francisco!

That night, you’re waiting for Evan outside Mystique…

Evan: Dad! Over here!

Dad: Hey, Evan.

You make your way over to your date, weaving through the crowd of typical Silicon Valley tech workers.

Dad: Whoa. It’s like a sea of plaid button-up shirts out here.

Evan: Yeah, a lot of the guys came directly from work.

Dad: You know them?

Evan: Oh, yeah. Zamble rented out the whole place for the night.

Dad: Really? You brought me to a work party?! For our first date?

Evan: I just, uh, couldn’t wait to see you again! And I had to come here tonight, so I thought, you know, two birds? Plus, Zamble parties are always epic. Trust me, when we get inside, you won’t believe it’s a work party.

Dad: … Fine. But just FYI, next time, you should really tell a girl beforehand. No one likes to be blindsided.

Evan: You got it.

In the club, Evan pulls you close so you can hear him over the pulsing music…

Evan: Let’s grab a drink at the bar.

Dad: Okay!

You follow Evan through the dance floor to the back. Suddenly, you hear a familiar voice calling your name.

Dad: Wait, is that…?

The crowd parts, and a handsome guy you haven’t seen in years steps into the light.

Mark: Dad?

Dad: Mark?!

#lovehacks #choices lovehacks #choices #playchoices #bad choices