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omiscurls · 3 years

Note

hi!! could i request a diluc x fem!reader angst where they were childhood friends, and when reader gets a fiancé, diluc tries to confess his feelings but reader rejects him, gets married and moves from mondstat, and every now and then diluc sends reader letters (apologizing, asking how readers day was, hoping they come back). thanks!

unrequited

plot: reader rejects the character

contains: diluc

warnings: angsty and like one curse word, that’s all

diluc was a cute kid.

as the heir to one of the most wealthy and powerful families in mondstadt, he was polite not only to his senior, but also incredibly nice to his friends, as well. different that most boys his age, he didn’t go around yelling dumb, inappropriate jokes, and didn’t take pride in making girls feel bad.

he was always sweet to those doing worse than him in class, be it theory or sparring, and acted like an absolute saint to his adopted brother.

naturally, how could one not adore a kid like that? how could the mondstadt girls not line up to see him each time, how could the boys not want to play with him? how could anyone resist, when he had that charm to him that seemed to draw people near almost against their free will?

finally, how could you not take pride in the fact that out of all those over-the-top girls who fought over each other to talk to him, out of all those boys that never failed to bug him in each little scrap of his free time, he chose to try and get close to you?

you didn’t understand it at first, but it seemed like he genuinely wanted to know you, his eyes looking as though they were studying your expression at all times, a warm smile welcoming you each time you passed him by.

his words were careful and his sentences always strained, as if he struggled to talk, but a sense of honesty and genuine sympathy always seeped through his words, confusing your little childish brain, but also forming a warm and fuzzy feeling inside your chest.

over the years, not only did you finally answer to his advances, but also befriend the kid. his rare smiles were reserved for your eyes only, and his mind opened up before you each and every time you talked, no restrain and limitations between you two.

he’d sit behind you in class, sometimes passing you notes with an answer to questions you didn’t know, or a funny note about the teacher, or just simply asking if you want to hang out after school.

you’d go to windrise and sit under the tree, talking for hours about the most useless of things, about what you thought the clouds looked like, but also your futures, your dreams and hopes.

he’d explain math to you before every exam in the dark rooms of dawn winery, hair pulled up and tea made for the both of you, looking at your struggling with unmistakable patience and affection, but what could you know? you were kids, barely even teenagers. why would you think anything of the way he said he’ll “always be there for you” after some simple math tutoring? how could you analyze his kind stare that you never saw him wear for other people?

and so you didn’t.

he’d sit with you on the counter of his kitchen, carefully caressing your back as you wet his shirt with tears, quietly telling you that “they didn’t deserve you anyway” after your first ever heartbreak. to hell with the fact that his own heart was breaking a millimetre more with every word he spoke, if what he said calmed you in any way, he’d talk all night, going on and on about how you deserve the world, and nothing less.

you held his hand at his fathers memorial service, letting him tighten his grip on your fingers harder every time, you wiped away the tears, you listen to his sobs and pleas when the two of you were alone. you offered solace to him over the next painful months, you justified every word he hurt kaeya with, only to make him feel better about himself.

to him, you were like an angel sent from above. you restored the faith he had lost in the world, you stuck by his side and lighted up his days one after the other, how could he not adore you?

how could he not fall in love?

and trust when i say, he did really try to avoid it. he tried pushing his thoughts away, he tried focusing on something else, tried avoiding you, tried everything. no matter what he did, his mind circled back to your smile, and unconsciously he smiled as well, even if the next second he’d look in the mirror and wipe it off his face as if it was a crime to smile.

diluc was a cute kid, and he grew up to be a polite gentleman, whom you called a friend. and as any polite gentleman, he wouldn’t dare do anything to loose the honor you had given him, so he stayed silent. stayed silent since his in-class notes, through talks about the future, through your breakups, through all the times you had been there for him. in no universe would he ever mention how the weight was lifted off his shoulders every time you as much as looked his way, how all the clouds went away at the sound of your laugh, and how he was ready to do anything in the world to keep you happy.

somewhere in his mind, perhaps he thought you had somehow known all along, and would reward his efforts to not complicate your life with his emotions with loving him back, but how could you know? how, if he kept it a secret that well?

in the end, his own plan backfired on him, and he realized he had lost when you ran through his door, tears in your eyes, but a smile on your face, showing off a ring, shining in sunlight, resting on your finger.

if he ever thought “they didn’t deserve you” hurt him, “i’m so happy for you!” stabbed his soul a thousand times more painfully.

to normal people of mondstadt, there was no change in behavior from the gloomy and serious owner of angel’s share, but a few noticed how heavy his presence was, how desperately he blinked back the sheen layer of tears, glistening in the candle light while he was serving drinks, and you were off somewhere in the back, laughing with your lover by your side.

he had lost his chance, and now there was no way in which he could get you back. no way at all. all his life, he had built up a hope inside that one of these days, he’ll get a happy ever after, and lived with that thought through all the bad moments that came along the way, and now these years of carefully building this scenario came crushing down with the realization.

in a desperate search of any relief, he came to the conclusion that the only thing to be even remotely at peace with himself was to... simply just tell you.

so there he was, right outside your door, the watch on his wrist striking ten in the evening, stars shining brightly on your doorstep, as you appeared before him, merely a nightgown shielding you from the cold air of the night, a soft smile adoring your lips from the moment you realized it was him.

“diluc? what’re you doing here this late?” you said, grabbing a coat from behind the door and closing it behind you. a foolish hope sprung inside him when you joined him outside, as he stared at you with a little grin, working up the courage to speak up.

“there’s something i wish to tell you about” he merely whispered, gesturing you to come with him.

the walk to windrise was longer than the ones you remembered from your childhood days, and the sharp air nibbled on your skin mercilessly, to the point your legs hurt a bit when you reached the tree.

diluc turned your way and spoke for the first time in what felt like forever, but was thirty minutes.

“i hoped not to burden you with the secret i’ll share with you now, and i’m sorry for whatever bad outcome it might cause, but… truth is, i can’t keep it to myself anymore, and if i want to have some peace for myself, i have to trouble you with it.” he said quietly, settling worry in your gut.

“you can tell me anything” you assured calmly “your secrets are always safe with me”

he took one last look into your caring eyes, feeling a little better just having you smile at him, and took a breath before spilling.

“i might’ve been in love with you for the last ten years” he said calmly “and i know this is hardly the time, i really do, but i just-“

“what?”

you looked at him in surprise, blood audibly pumping through your veins as you tried to comprehend what he just said.

“i do understand that you’re engaged, but-“

“do you? do you, really?” you said bitterly, making his heart sink in regret. “because to me it seems like i waited for you all those years, i hoped, and i prayed, and i wished, and after i finally, finally gave up, you decide to mess with my emotions right when i thought i had them figured out?”

diluc was stunned. so you felt the same way about him, once? he could’ve had all he hoped for? he didn’t even comprehend the rest of your sentence fully, focusing on how you just admitted to having feelings for him somewhen in the past.

“no, i’m not trying to mess with you, I’m-“

“but you are! honestly, diluc, i knew you were somewhat insensitive, but this is blatantly cruel! what- i don’t- why didn’t you say this to me earlier?”

“i wish i did, but to me it seemed like you were always chasing someone else, and i didn’t want to-“

“bother me? is that it? you didn’t want to bother me so now you decided to try and mess with my relationship? god, i- i need to be alone right now. sorry.”

and with that you were out of your usual childhood spot, leaving him alone under the tree that shared both of your secrets and plans for so long.

a longing stare pierced through your back as you ran back to mondstadt, not going home right away, but trying to find a spot where nobody would find you.

“fuck” he muttered. he was familiar with the feeling of loss, but the fact that it was nobody’s fault but his own made it a hundred times worse.

diluc was a cute child, and grew up to be a polite gentleman. so he was there to apologize to you on countless occasions, ready to beg forgiveness for his recklessness and lack of thought, but you were never there to hear his pleas.

and so it went on, a huge wedding covered the streets of mondstadt in white while he stood in the sidelines, his friends said goodbye to you as he watched from a safe distance. you left, and so did every remaining proof of his embarrassment.

nevertheless, he sent countless letters, no address on the envelope, save for the name of the city, hoping that one of them would eventually reach you. sorrow and tears almost spilled from the words written in a tidy cursive, but he never had any certainty about wether they reached you or not.

and while he hoped you forgave him,

he knew you didn’t.

#genshin impact #genshin boys #diluc angst #diluc x you #genshin diluc #diluc x reader #diluc ragnvindr #diluc #diluc headcanons #genshin angst #genshin impact angst #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader

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mizunetzu · 3 years

Note

Can I request a Iida x male reader with a skin problem? Like every time they finish training or after a stressful event the reader's skin would inch then they would scratch it, red blotches would appear on their chest, stomach, back. The reader insecure about them and hate their body, so in the locker room Denki points them out which they realize and start to become insecure and the itching becomes unbearable. They make an excuse then Iida becomes worried about his classmate then hears quiet cries in their door, Iida asks to come in then sees them curled up on their bed scratches their skin harshly which Iida quickly stops them. Iida confronts them and tries to comfort them.

🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰LOVE YOUR WRITING BYE THE WAY!!!!!!!!!!!

Aaaah thank you! This request was very fun, and I do love me some iida~ I feel bad for antagonizing kaminari once again in my fics tho 😅😅

——————

Iida x reader - Don’t Itch Your Neck

⚠️warnings - two (2) mentions of itch attacks, one in the beginning and one at the end (sorry, didn’t know the word for it) kaminari being insensitive to reader.

Pronouns - male, he/him

——————

‘Please don’t compare me to a villain.’

It should be common sense. Why would you ever compare someone to something as wickedly as a villain? It’s rude and distasteful, and you’re practically saying they’re just as bad as illegal thugs and murderer.

But as (Y/n) mindlessly scratched the itch on his neck, a normal itch, not one caused by his skin condition, a villain who terrorized their school at USJ suddenly popped up on the news channel he was watching on his phone.

“-Villain known as Shigaraki Tomura, the alleged ring leader of the League of Villains, has last been seen atop of a high building.” His phone buzzed. He stopped writing answers onto his notebook, as well as unconsciously scratching harder at his neck while turning his attention to the news channel on his phone propped up on Iida’s bed.

Iida would come back any second, telling him to get back to studying, but hey, he’s doing something productive like watching the news, right? Watching news is productive, right? Apparently, it was a special on Shigaraki, and knowing more about villains as a future hero is good, right?

“Shigaraki is estimated to be in his 20’s, and he is commonly seen in disputes against U.A, especially first-year hero class 1-A.” Yep, that was them alright. The news castor continued.

“It is also estimated that Shigaraki has some sort of skin condition, or due to his quirk his skin seems to be very dead and brittle.” The screen cut to some surveillance footage zoomed in on Shigaraki, clawing at dry blotches covering his neck.

His scratched-up, blotchy neck looked uncannily similar to (Y/n’s), especially with the way he was scratching it while being confronted by heroes. It must’ve been caused by stress too. (Y/n’s) skin would burn under the pressure of stress, and he couldn’t help but scratch all over.

(Y/n’s) neck decided to flare up at the sight of Shigaraki. Does that mean he was similar to a villain? He had some sort of trait that was identifiable with a villain? One that attacked his school, no doubt? He scratched his neck harder, bringing up his other hand to scratch the other burning side. Does that mean he was like Shigaraki?

(Y/n) let out a whimper. The itchiness would only scream more if he retracted his hands from his neck. He rubbed his skin raw, scratching so hard he could’ve swore there was blood starting to seep out from his neck.

The door to Iida’s dorm room clicked open silently. (Y/n) paid no mind to it, more focused on the unbearable itch on his neck and the tears clumping at his eyes.

“...(Y/n)-kun? Are you alright?” Iida’s voice broke through the small breaths and scratches of (Y/n), making him look up slightly with blurry eyes. When (Y/n) said nothing, Iida immediately dashed into his bathroom, looking for a small container of ointment.

Iida timped back into the room with a tiny white container in his hands, unscrewing the cap and placing it on under the container. He sat down on his bed, next to (Y/n).

“(Y/n)-kun...I need you to remove your hands, please.” (Y/n) whimpered out a weak, pained “No...” Iida pursed his lips.

“I promise it’s only for a second, it won’t itch.”

“It-it won’t stop-!” Blood was starting to drip down (Y/n’s) nails. Iida winced, quickly shuffling to the bedside table to grab a tissue from a half-filled tissue box. He returned calmly, sitting down next to (Y/n).

He gently set his hand on top of one of (Y/n’s), testing the waters and gently urging him to pull away. “It will only be for a second, love.” He said, with the tissue in his free-hand and the cream resting on a book laying on the bed.

(Y/n) let him pull away his hand, and Iida immediately went up to dabbing the tender, red area of his neck. There wasn’t much blood to begin with, only a few drops, but Iida didn’t want to take the risk of rubbing in the ointment while there was blood on his neck. He dipped his fingers into the white cream of the container, gently cupped (Y/n’s) cheek with his dry hand, and blotted the reddest parts of his neck as gently as he could.

(Y/n) eventually cooled down, the cold substance of the cream as well as the medicine inside it enough to soothe his nerves. Iida hummed.

“How are you feeling?” Iida earned a hum of satisfaction in reply. “Do you want to tell me what happened?”

(Y/n) paused for a second, before patting the bed around for his phone. His hand eventually landed on it, and he turned on the newscast in hopes they were still playing the same topic they were on to show Iida. Iida bent over slightly to examine (Y/n’s) phone screen.

“...a villain? The one who attacked us at USJ?”

(Y/n) nodded. “He also probably has a skin condition that makes him all itchy too....the news said it and they played a video of him scratching his neck—and I don’t wanna be like that-“

“Ah...I understand. I understand how upsetting it must be to share something in common with a villain.”

“It’s not just that, though...” (Y/n) sighed. “Because of the scratching, I have all these ugly red blotches on my body...and it makes me look scary...I don’t want my skin to end up like his either...”

Iida hummed. He set a hand on (Y/n’s) shoulder. “I can assure you, you are nothing like a horrible villain such as him. I’m sure there are many heroes with conditions such as your own!”

(Y/n) bit back a smile. He downcast his head, trying to avoid touching his sensitive neck as much as he could.

“Thank you...”

——

Hero training.

(Y/n) dreaded hero training.

The class itself wasn’t so bad, no. No, it was before and after hero training. Where he’d have to change into his hero costume, and change out of it after class was done.

When he did that, everyone could see the ugly red splotches or red scratch marks that made it look like a cat attacked him nonstop. He always made it a point to get in and out of there as fast as he could so no one would ever bring up the rough skin plastered on his body.

But luck didn’t seem to be on his side today.

(Y/n) tore off his hero costume, eager to get out of there as soon as possible. Or at least have something covering him by the time every one else arrived. Of course, Iida was there—he could never beat him first to the locker rooms somehow—but he trusted his boyfriend enough to let him change in the locker room while his vulnerable, spotty body was exposed.

But just as he had every single article of his hero clothing off, leaving him in his underwear, he heard footsteps rattling closer, before the door to the changing room swung open. His stomach dropped.

“Yooo! (L/n)! What’s-oh?” Kaminari’s boisterous voice dug pits in (Y/n’s) guts. He slowly turned around, doing his best to cover his torso with his U.A button-up shirt as he did so. He saw Kaminari standing a few good feet away from him, as the boys of 1-A began filing into the locker room. (Y/n) glanced at Iida, his anchor in a situation like this, before catching his apologetic expression.

“Dude...did Tokoyami really fuck you up that bad in trainin’ today?” Kaminari pointed at the red marks nipping at (Y/n’s) forearms and legs. Sure enough, he sparred with Tokoyami today, but that wasn’t really the cause.

Tokoyami turned around. He shook his head. “Dark shadow cannot inflict such...scratches. And if he did he should be in Recovery Girl’s office instead of the locker rooms.”

(Y/n) silently wished Tokoyami would just take the bait and say it was Dark Shadow. Because Kaminari wouldn’t be rubbing his chin and saying,

“So then what’s all that?” While gesturing circles to the rough, red skin on (Y/n’s) body.

“S’nothin...that’s all...” (Y/n) quietly mumbled. He turned around swiftly, shrugging on the button-up of his uniform and trying to button it up with shaky fingers.

Hands reached down from behind (Y/n) and grabbed his wrists, lifting them high above his head and twirling him around.

“Duuuude! They’re all over your stomach too!”

“Please...lower your voice, Kaminari-kun.” Iida voiced as kindly as he could, not facing (Y/n) to at least spare him one less pair of eyes that were staring at his red-blotched body.

Kaminari’s eyes were plastered onto the red scratch marks and flaked skin on (Y/n’s) barely-buttoned shirt, while (Y/n) wriggled his hands free from his grasp. He completely ignored Iida’s request.

He unconsciously brought his hands up to his neck, still sensitive from yesterday’s...incident and certainly still itchy. The itch was coming back.

He started pawing at the growing itch on his neck, his back pressed against the locker door as he tried to reach for his pants with his free hand.

He started pulling them on the best he could with one hand, not hearing the growing voice of Kaminari asking about why he was itching his neck; or the quiet protests from Iida. Once his pants were sloppily hanging from his waist, his hand flew up to scratch another forming itch right under his eye.

Kaminari suddenly clapped his hands together, looking very appealed all of a sudden. “Dude! I just realized who you looked like!”

“Kaminari-kun, thats-“

“Remember that villain who attacked us at USJ? Shigaraki? The one who kept scratching at his neck and stuff? I think they did a special on him on the news yesterday!”

“Kamina-“

“You look exactly like him!” Kaminari chuckled. “The scratching-“

Iida abruptly slammed his locker door shut. The loud bang it produced shook waves across the locker room, loud enough to silence every one there. Kaminari flinched in surprise, along with everyone else in the changing room.

“...Shut the fuck up, Kaminari.”

Silence ensued the once talkative changing room. All eyes fixated on Iida, a dead scowl on his face that replaced the mighty rule-abiding gaze he wore. The use of no honorific for the first time was absurd, but hearing Iida tell Kaminari to ‘shut the fuck up’ really took the cake. Iida was glaring dull daggers at Kaminari, who was standing there staring back with awkward eyes.

(Y/n) took that opportunity to mumble a quiet “I have to use the bathroom..” and slip out from in front of Kaminari, and slink out of the changing room. He buttoned up his shirt as quickly as he could, not caring about his long forgotten tie or blazer with the burning, unbearable itch that pulsed from his entire body.

He figured he couldn’t last in class like this.

——

Iida sped-walked all the way to the U.A heights alliance. He was worried when (Y/n) didn’t show up to afternoon classes, but didn’t want to run in fear of immodesty on school grounds.

Though, he supposed it hardly mattered anymore, especially after his spiel in the locker room. He was so irritated he didn’t think to apologize until they got back to the classroom. And boy, did bowing hundreds of times, chittering “I apologize for my rude behavior!” Millions of times over again count as an apology.

Iida started sprinting, before ducking into the door and up the stairs.

He ran around the whole dorm building, in case (Y/n) was hiding in someone else’s room or the restrooms. No luck.

And he had no further luck until he passed by (Y/n’s) dorm room, hearing soft sobs and skritches from inside the room. Iida hummed, knocking on the door.

“(Y/n)-kun?”

The sobbing from inside (Y/n’s) room went silent. Iida set his hand on the doorknob.

“Please open the door. Or let me in, please.”

Iida was trying his best to keep his voice level, but inside he was probably just as panicked as (Y/n). Even though he knew (Y/n) kept his medicated cream in his room, Iida had grabbed the spare laying in his own just in case. The soft whimpers from inside the room resumed. Iida sighed.

“I’m coming in. Pardon the intrusion.”

The door the (Y/n’s) room softly clicked open, the light from the outside casting a strip of yellow light into the dark that was (Y/n’s) room. Iida took a moment to let his eyes adjust, before his red eyes fell onto the curled up ball of itching that was (Y/n).

Iida quietly sat down next to (Y/n) on his bed, who paid him no mind. He kept sobbing into the school uniform he never bothered to change out of, one hand under his button-up and the other scratching at the back of his arm. Eventually, his arms switched to scratch at his legs and his neck.

“It burns...it-it burns, Ten-“

“I know, I know,” Iida refrained himself from patting (Y/n’s) back, in fear he’d accidentally inflame that area. Instead, he calmly rose from the bed, walking briskly to (Y/n’s) closet. He opened it gently, shuffling through clothes and picking out a loose shirt and basketball shorts.

He laid them out on the bed. “Do you think you can put these on for me...? Oh, but before you put the shirt on, please allow me to apply your medication onto your stomach..”

(Y/n) briefly looked up to see Iida squatted down infront of him through his tucked-in knees. He looked from Iida to the clothes waiting for him on the bed.

Iida set a hand down on the mattress next to (Y/n). “I can turn around if you would like me to.”

(Y/n) nodded, and Iida stood up and faced the opposite side of his room. Waiting as he heard shuffles of clothes being removed and slipped on, accompanied by more itching, he alas heard the dry “m’done..” from (Y/n) he turned back around.

(Y/n) was scratching at his arms, his head turnt down and tears still cascading down his face. He was holding the shirt in in between one of his armpits. Red blotches and scratch-lines littered (Y/n’s) chest, arms, and legs. The irritated skin looked even more irritated as (Y/n) scratched and clawed at them even more.

“Thank you, handsome.” Iida cooed. “Are you comfortable with me applying it to your chest or would you like to do that on your own?”

“You can do it...I don’t...” (Y/n’s) voice died down, but Iida got the gist of what he was saying. He set (Y/n) back down to his bed, drawing the cream out from his possession and popping off the cap.

After smearing on a generous amount to his chest, his forearms, and his calves, (Y/n) was able to stop scratching for just a bit. It soothed the burning itch for only just a bit, though.

Iida brought his cream-covered fingertips to (Y/n’s) red neck. He tilted it up, giving Iida access, as he rubbed gentle circles around it.

“Would you like to talk about what happened?” Iida said, not taking his eyes off of his current task. (Y/n) sniffed.

“...Do you think I act like Shigaraki? I know you said I didn’t...but you were just being nice, weren’t you?” (Y/n’s) voice was barely audible over the sounds of his sniffles and hics. Iida pressed his lips into a fine line, making sure to coat every area of his neck before retracting his hand. “S’ok...you can tell me, I won’t be mad.”

“(Y/n)-kun...darling, you know that’s absurd.”

“But it isn’t!” (Y/n’s) voice cracked. “Y’know-my body’s already all ugly and disgusting, I might as well become a villain especially because I look like one.”

“Just because you have these splotches on your body doesn’t make you any less handsome.”

“Stop lying, Tenya.”

“You know me, I don’t lie.” Iida placed his hands on his lap as (Y/n) carefully slipped on his shirt. “What kind of class representative would I be if I were a liar? I’m just stating facts like a good civilian.”

“And it’s a fact that (L/n) (Y/n) is the most beautiful, handsome, alluring boy I have ever laid my eyes on. Kaminari-kun took his ‘joke’ too far, and I’m pretty sure it doesn’t qualify as a joke in the first place.”

Iida finally set his hand on (Y/n’s) shoulder. “Please don’t let his words get to your head. Your nothing like a villain, nor is your skin any less beautiful than you think it is. If you can’t love it yourself, I will just have to make sure to love you just as much to make up for it.”

(Y/n) stayed quiet for a second, before shifting closer to Iida and laying his head down against his shoulder. Iida smiled, reaching up to pat (Y/n) appreciatively on the head.

“Thank you, Tenya.”

‘Please don’t compare me to a villain.’

Because (L/n) (Y/n) was far from it.

——————

I apologize if I got any information wrong, I am not the best educated on topics such as skin conditions :((

#bnha x male reader #bnha x reader #mha x male reader #mha x reader #iida x reader #tenya iida x reader #iida imagine #iida tenya x reader #bnha iida #mha iida #iida x male reader #boku no hero academia tenya #boku no hero acadamia #my hero academia #my hero x reader #my hero x male reader

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asmallnerd · 3 years

Text

Autistic Shoto Todoroki

The analysis

First off, I would like to say that this is purely a passion project. I am not a professional, I am an autistic teenager and I’m just very interested in this character because I heavily relate to him. I’ve collected some scenes from the manga and two specific things from the third light novel.

If you could boost this (if you’re interested that’d be great because while I really enjoy doing this it does take a lot of time! With that being said let’s dive into this and I hope you find this interesting!

Could Shoto Todoroki be autistic? Here is why I think he absolutely could.

Emotional perception

Let’s start with one of the most obvious things about his character. The emotional factor.

Shoto doesn’t emote in the way his peers do. Now, of course this also plays into the brooding mysterious guy archetype, but that’s not what we’re talking about.

Shoto’s face is typically relatively neutral, this is apparent from the moment we first meet him and while he does tend to express his emotions more clearly later in the story, it doesn’t ever really change. Something that immediately comes to mind is how in chapter 202 Iida asks if Shoto is alright because Iida noticed his expression change (because he knows him very well by this point). Ojiro points out that he did not notice this, since Shoto’s face barely changes at all.

We see Shoto in a lot of situations where his peers show excitement while his expression remans completely flat. This lack of emoting is something extremely common in people with autism. It’s not that they don’t have emotions or don’t express them at all, they just do it in a way that is hard to understand for people outside the spectrum or those who don’t know the autistic individual very well. They often struggle to understand what emotion they’re feeling in the first place and of course it’s hard to express feelings if you don’t know what you’re feeling.

Shoto doesn’t only show difficulty expressing his emotions but also recognizing those of other people. One of the best examples of this is the final exam arc, where he gets paired up with Yaoyorozu. In chapter 63 specifically, he doesn’t realize that Yaoyorozu is upset about something even though to someone else it’d probably have been obvious. Only when Aizawa points out that he should listen to her does he notice that he’s been doing something wrong. Shoto didn’t notice she was upset, and he didn’t notice he was being rude.

Emotions and emotional responses are continuously shown to be difficult for Shoto to handle. What he has absolutely no issues with, on the other hand, are academics. Of course, we can naturally assume that he’s been drilled to study hard from a very young age, but he is also extremely intelligent outside of the classroom. During the sports festival he is the first person shown to figure out that the obstacle course poses a lot more disadvantages to the people in the lead, during the practical exam, he is able to come up with a solid strategy very quickly.

During the training camp arc, him and Deku are the ones to come up with a strategy to protect Bakugo on the spot. He also doesn’t seem to consider his intelligence anything special. A lot of autistic people tend to assume that other people’s experiences align with their own. This can be seen when he seems surprised about Denki worrying that he’ll fail the written final exam. He asks how he could possibly fail if he’s been attending class, like the concept is entirely foreign to him (also there’s about a 0% chance this was a joke because this is Shoto we’re talking about.) He is very good at logical problem solving but emotional issues seem to stump him.

Literacy and verbal filters

Moving on, another big factor that Shoto seems to struggle with is his tendency to be overly literal and very blunt. There are several instances where he says things that we as readers as well as other characters perceive as insensitive. Once again, his interaction with Denki about the final exams (chapter 60) can be an example. He didn’t seem to think it was inappropriate and because this is Shoto, he didn’t ask to tease him either. Denki even points out that this was insensitive to say. A more subtle example is his conversation with Izuku in chapter 73, when they talk about Kota. His overall phrasing is fine, but he remains very blunt and direct and essentially ends up telling Izuku that his tendency to cut to people’s hearts with his words is annoying.

My personal favorite for an example can be found in chapter 83, in the hospital after the training camp, when the class visits Izuku, Shoto points out that “Of course Bakugo isn’t here.” Needless to say, he couldn’t possibly have timed this statement any worse. It wasn’t necessary in the first place, but he didn’t register it as something inappropriate to say.

One example of not him being unintentionally rude but just showing a different approach to telling the truth is seen in the third light novel. The fifth chapter revolves around the class preparing a birthday party for Iida. At one point, Sato asks if Iida has food allergies out of nowhere. Iida naturally asks why he needs to know this, Shoto is immediately ready to answer the question honestly, which would have spoiled the surprise, had Izuku not stepped in.

Autistic people often have trouble seeing whether something is or isn’t appropriate to say. Neurotypical people’s brains have a filtering process, it helps them be aware of possible responses to a statement. This filtering process is not functional or only limited in autistic people.

Shoto is also overly literal. In chapter 57, he gets upset over his friends continuously getting their hands hurt and refers to himself as “the hand crusher”. He is very serious about this and does not understand how Iida and Izuku could possibly think he was joking.

In chapter 164, he answers Gang Orca’s metaphoric question entirely seriously. During the interview training in chapter 241 he first seems confused by the made-up mission in the first place. He then proceeds to ask Mt Lady if she has a heart condition when she uses the phrase “My heart would burst out of my chest”. Finally, he appears genuinely horrified when she calls him a “lady killer” (“My smile will kill women..?!”)

In chapter 257, when Mineta claims school talk will “ruin the taste of the food”, Shoto simply says it tastes the same to him, to which Mineta proceeds to call him out for being overly literal.

Autistic people typically struggle to understand jokes and sarcasm, in fact, it’s often one of the main characteristics in people with an ASD diagnosis.

Overfamiliarity and Oversharing

Shoto’s tendency to overshare is another thing that is very typical foe ASD.

He doesn’t seem to understand that telling his life story to a classmate he’s barely interacted with prior is not exactly an appropriate thing to do. He repeats this later with All Might and, most notably, in chapter 165, when talking to the preschoolers during his provisional licensing course.

He also seems to have a slightly different perception of what makes someone friends than his classmates. As shown in chapter 241, to him, spending time with Bakugo during the licensing course is enough to deem them friends. Even when Bakugo points out that there is no correlation between the time spent together and friendship, he still doesn’t seem to understand.

Autistic people tend to become overly familiar and are easily attached to people if they perceive just one of their interactions as positive.

Attachment to inanimate things

This is something not really shown in the manga, but noteworthy, nonetheless. We know that Shoto, upon moving into the dorm building, remodeled his entire room from a modern, more western style room, into a traditional Japanese style one. The second chapter of the third novels goes into depth about why he did this. Shoto was entirely dumbstruck and thrown off by how different the room is from what he was used to. He knew the traditional Japanese rooms from home and his brain assumed that the dorms would be the same. He felt like the different style was wrong. He doesn’t like the unfamiliar flooring and even a small thing like the positioning of the light switch bother him.

He’s not comfortable in the unfamiliar environment, so he decides to change it.

Autistic people often struggle to adjust to changes. In environment and routine. They feel most comfortable in a well established and familiar routine, that includes the feel of their living space. A change of environment this drastic would be extremely stressful for someone on the spectrum.

Another thing that isn’t particularly obvious but does make sense when considered is that Shoto seems to have a comfort food (cold soba). While he’s never shown or stated to be a picky eater he does seem to opt for the same food whenever he gets the chance. Autistic people often have a very restricted diet due to sensory processing issues that apply to food textures, smells and taste.

Additional points

Shoto seems to be a little face blind. He doesn’t know who Kota is when Izuku mentions him, which seems to genuinely surprise Izuku. He also didn’t remember Inasa at all despite them having been at the same entrance exam.

In chapter 202 he’s shown completely zoning out. Of course, this can happen to anyone, I just found it interesting because it was shown so clearly, making it obvious that it was something we should pay attention to.

In the novel chapter in which he remodels his room it is also mentioned that the feeling of synthetic floor against his feet upsets him.

Shoto also seems relatively indifferent to temperature. Of course, that would correlate to his quirk as well, but it is also common for autistic people to struggle with temperature perception as well as other things that neurotypical people don’t struggle to recognize like hunger or thirst. This specifically applies to situations where you would typically end up in pain like, for example, frostbite. Shoto would obviously be used tot his but him showing no reaction at all to his body halfway freezing over was a little unnerving.

He also is shown to be relatively uninterested in certain social events like for example the room competition after the class moves into the dorms. He doesn’t want to be there; he’d rather go to sleep. In the beginning he also shows clear disinterest in making friends with his classmates. Both very typical things for people on the spectrum.

In chapter 244, Hawks asks Shoto a question in a way that seems to confuse him so much he can’t even form a coherent response. [Hawks: “Seemed like you were in trouble, Endeavor.” Endeavor: “Me? Not a chance.” Hawks: “But it seemed that way, didn’t it, Shoto?” Shoto: “Um..I…uh…”]

He probably didn’t register if Hawks actually wanted him to answer or not.

In chapter 64 he mistakes Yaoyorozu crying for her feeling sick, horribly misreading her expressions.

This last point is more personal than the rest, watching his reactions to Endeavor’s fight with the Nomu in chapter 190 made me think of the stress progression that often causes autistic shutdowns. Shoto was clearly becoming more and more stressed as he was watching and once it was over simply seemed to shut down. That is a very typical response to emotional distress or overstimulation in autistic people.

Final disclaimer

This is purely for my own entertainment; it is not meant to be offensive to anyone and I am not saying that this is absolutely what is going on. I’m simply elaborating on a theory/headcanon that I have. That being said, if you have questions feel free to drop them in the ask box, I’d be thrilled!

#bnha #mha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #shoto todoroki #boku no hero textpost #mha textpost #bnha headcanons #mha headcanons #character analysis #shoto todoroki analysis #autistic shoto todoroki #autism headcanon #op is autistic #special interest #long post

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letarasstuff · 3 years

Text

When everybody turns into an oracle

Summary: Nothing puts more pressure on you than other people teling you your grade will be perfect, because behind that stands so much more than a number on a sheet of paper. Same goes for Spencer's daughter.

Warnings: School, grades, angst (there is fluff and a badass moment), fear of failure/disappointing someone

Wordcount: 1.5k

✨Masterlist✨ __________________________________

“I really pooped this quiz. What about you, (Y/N)?” Before the teenager is able to answer, another classmate comes up from behind the two. “She’ll get a 100, like always.”

“I-I don’t know. Question two and three really got me there, I’m just happy to pass it.” The little group of people around her groans.

“You always say that.” “And get a perfect score”, the first one adds, “Just stop to make us look bad, because we really do have to worry about passing this class. What do you have to worry about? Getting straight A’s like that. I really want your problems.”

(Y/N) just keeps it quiet. She stopped a long time ago trying to defend herself. ‘I am on my way to the BAU’, she shoots a text to her father and exits the school building. Today she doesn’t take the train. There are too many noises and all she wants is some peace.

The words of her classmates echoes through her head. Yes, she always has a good score and she intends to keep it up. She is just doing her best, right? Her problems have to be still valid, don’t they?

“Ahh, Wonder Baby. I thought you forgot about us and decided you are too cool to hang out with us”, Derek calls out after her as soon as he spots his godchild. “Nah, Uncle Derek. Nobody can be too cool to hang out with you. I just hadn’t had much time because of school work. But there are only two weeks left before spring break starts and the only thing I have to do now is waiting for my results.”

“Right, Spencer told us you are stressing yourself out about those. Your last quiz was today, wasn’t it? The one you dread the most apparently?” Emily joins the conversation. “Uh, I did. But don’t get your hopes up too high, I really don’t have a clue what I did there. The grade can range between passed to 100.”

“Naw, Smartypants, you say that every time. What are you afraid of? Telling us you are real smart? Don’t be humble, we work with your father. We know how to handle geniuses.” Derek isn’t exactly helping her with that. (Y/N) just turns red and tries to change the subject. “Uh, no. Another thing: Where is Dad?”

“Spencer went to pick some reports from the M.E. in D.C. who helped us on the last case. He should be back in half an hour. But Penelope wants to see you, something about trying new vegan cookies she baked last night”, JJ informs (Y/N) as she passes the group to drop some files off.

For the remainder of the day the teenager hides out in the lair, blocking any human reaction out with her earphones. She just can’t handle any more insensitive stuff like earlier. Later her father picks her up to go home together.

“So, Emily told me you didn’t do well on your test today? Do you wanna talk about it?” He asks, choosing his words carefully as he prepares dinner with his daughter sitting at the kitchen table and watching him. The doctor knows the pressure created by asking his daughter about school related topics.

“I don’t know. Everyone keeps telling me I’ll get a perfect score and I think it’s admirable that all of them turn out to be able to look into the future. How do they know better than me what I get?”

It’s months of pent up stress and anxiety finally making its way up to the surface. (Y/N) tries to fight the tears down. “I really don’t understand this. I get asked how I did, I tell them I don’t feel good about the test and then they talk over me every single time. And when I say I don’t know it, I say it to not get anybody’s hope up high. I don’t want to disappoint anybody.” Finally tears stream down the teenager’s cheeks.

“Oh Sweetheart”, Spencer makes his way over to her and engulfs his daughter in a hug. “Shhh, don’t cry. I know it’s incredibly difficult to live up to their expectations, but you don’t need to. You don’t need to impress them, because their opinion doesn’t matter. Neither your classmate’s, your teacher’s nor the team’s. Not even mine should be important to you. Also, it doesn’t matter what you do, I’ll always be so proud of you, words can’t even describe it. There is literally nothing you can disappoint me with. You pushed and still push through so much crap and still you don’t fail to amaze me. You can never fail to amaze me. You can fail any class and become a professional card counter, I’ll still be proud to be your father. Please don’t cry over something you shouldn’t care about.”

They remain like this for several minutes, grasping each other until (Y/N)’s tears eventually die down. “I just want to be something more than just the smart girl with the good grades. I don’t want to feel like a two dimensional side character in a show, only there to provide the main characters with knowledge. I don’t want to be Velma, River Song, Frozone or Domino from Deadpool 2. I don’t want to be overlooked like this anymore.”Finally talking about her deepest insecurities lets her feel like a weight is lifted off her shoulders.

“And you are so much more”, Spencer encounters, “Some people just choose to ignore it, because you are so much more than their small brain with a low capacity is able to comprehend. They just pick the trait they understand the easiest. But never stop being you. Stay loud, stay complicated and, if you want to stay, uncomfortable for them. The right people will take the time and effort to get to know the real you, not just a copy others think you are. I know, it takes a great amount of patience to wait for them, but it’s worth it in the end. You hear me?”

(Y/N) looks up at her father, a small smile forming on her face. He would walk to the end of the world if it means to see it. “I hear you, Dad. Thank you so much.”

This night the teenager doesn’t get a lot of sleep. There are many thoughts that want to be, well, thought through. Still she wakes up and goes to school with a new amount of confidence.

This sadly only lasts until her first period. The teacher, one who is typically known for grading student’s work pretty fast, gives back yesterday’s quizzes. A small tumoult ensues as everyone compares their scores with each other.

(Y/N)’s anxiety rises into the unmeasurable until her teacher puts down her worksheet without a word. Confused she looks at the B- sitting at the dotted line, where the grade is supposed to be.

Now, a B- isn’t bad or anything, but she spots several answers her teacher didn’t tick as right or wrong. He must have oversaw them. Deciding to ask him about it after class, she puts it away and focuses on the material he is teaching.

So there she is, waiting for other classmates asking their questions regarding the quiz until it’s her turn. Meanwhile her lab partner Masey comes up to the teenager. “And, how did you do?”

“Uh, I got a B- bu-” “Oh my god, I’m better than the class nerd. I’m better than The Brain. Casey, I got a higher score than (Y/N)! I think you, too! Wow, I didn’t know I’m that smart. But no worries, (Y/N). I can explain this unit to you later, so you can do better next time.” This is the final straw for her.

“Hold on a sec, Masey. I’ll get that A, because Mr Harries didn’t see some of my answers. And just for your information: I didn’t ask you about your grade last time, because I knew you would poop that one after trying to explain it to you for four times while I got another A. Like every single time until now. Stop trying to appear cleverer than you are, it doesn’t suit you as much as these pants don't, because they are at least two sizes too small.”

The line finally moves up and (Y/N) is able to show Mr Harries his mistakes. He apologizes profusely, admitting that he maybe was too tired to grade these last quizzes and rewrite the B- to an A.

With her head held high she walks past her classmates, a content smile on her face.

It may be a long road to accept that you can’t be perfect and your grades don’t have to be, but forget this for a second and appreciate the feeling you get proving someone wrong like this.

Taglist:

All works:

@agentshortstacc

Criminal Minds:

@averyhotchner @mggsprettygirl

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x daughter!reader #spencer reid x teen!reader #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #fanfiction #x reader #reader insert #x daughter!reader #x teen!reader #emily prentiss #derek morgan #spencer reid #jennifer jareau

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immaturityofthomasastruc · 3 years

Text

Emotional abuse is NOT to be normalized.

Hello everyone! Anon from the “

I’m a victim of emotional abuse

” post. And today I’m going to explain my story of the emotional abuse I went through.

My story begins as a lot do, online. I was about 10 years old so I didn’t know what were red flags, and what relationships I should avoid. I had a very toxic friend group back then that enjoyed self deprecation and honestly bullying each other, me included. We used to do the cringe roleplays children do and making cringe oc’s. I met someone we’ll call Rin.

Rin didn’t bully me like the others in the friend group and very often came to me for opinions, and over all talking without making me feel like utter garbage. I ate up all the praise, all the love and support Rin gave me. However, even as early as friendship, they would get angry at me if I did stuff they didn’t like and would sometimes ignore me, sometimes verbally assault me into apologizing for things I really shouldn’t have.

»»————-————-««

For context, Back then I was both unmedicated for anxiety and I was going through a harsh time with my aunt and cousins living with us. When I was 6, my drug addict uncle committed suicide and I’d been living with them for about 4 years by that time. (No, my parents nor aunt told us he committed suicide. at the time, don’t worry) They made my life HELL, constantly getting me in trouble and generally putting me down.

Context: Rin was 16 when i was 10.

»»————-————-««

One day I was doing our daily playing games with the friend group and Rin when one of our friends, Rose, Told us we’d make a *great* couple. By that time I had some feelings for Rin, we’d voice call occasionally, to me they weren’t a stranger. Rin had agreed and in hind sight I was kind of pressured into the relationship.

All of the behavior I mentioned before, where they would get pissy whenever I did something they didn’t like or get nice when I did something they *did* like got WORSE. It’s nothing like what media presents, because when people wish to manipulate you they will without hesitation.

Rin began threatening bodily harm, showing me cuts if I did something vaguely wrong. They would tell me I was worthless without them. That if I’d “Only just listen to me I could make you the best girl ever!"

They found it funny when I’d get squeamish over topics, continuing the conversations and saying that if I’d just tell them that I’d like it then they’d stop.

One day when I was 11, it just got too much for me so I said we needed to break up. You wanna know what Rin did?

They threatened suicide. They told me if I left them they’d kill themselves. That I was all they were living for. That I was the love of their life and if I left them it’d be my fault if they killed themselves.

I was 11, I didn’t know any better about the situation but I knew I didn’t want them to die so I stayed. I stayed in the relationship. I tried 3 more times to break up with the same result. the same threat of Suicide. Sometimes with photos.

After that original threat they began getting s*xual. They began mentioning we should meet up IRL, despite us being several states apart. They began describing what they’d do to my body s*xually when we met IRL. They told me that if I didn’t want to fulfill their fantasy’s I was a bad SO. That I should only exist to fulfill their wants and *their* needs. It didn’t matter what I wanted.

when I was 12, I finally had an out. They had been stabbed and sent to the hospital. They weren’t online so I took the chance and broke up with them when they couldn’t do anything about it. They tried when they got back but I was long gone.

Now normally Media presents this as when a trauma victim starts healing and returns to perfect normalcy. That isn’t the case. Its been at least 4 years since I left them, since I got out of that situation, but I still have the fears. Have the insecurities. I still hear their voice telling me I’m worthless, That I’d be better off a trophy on their wall. That since I’m not their perfect ideal woman I should just shut up and be the best wife to the next man that decides I’m worth their time.

my anxiety’s voice, once a always changing one *became* their voice. I’ve healed, I’ve moved on from the abuse but their voice haunts me. Their Abuse has left mental scars that will NEVER heal.

This is why having Mental Abuse of any form be normalized is horrible. because it means more people like me will go through situations like these. and not be allowed to escape because we’re "over reacting”. Because we’re “just in hysterics. it’s perfectly normal!"

this is a serious issue that shouldn’t be brushed under the rug. Miraculous Ladybug is the WORST offender of normalizing Mental Abuse I have ever seen. because I KNOW the red flags. I have trained myself to see them. To protect myself.

Normalizing normal little issues is fine. But mental abuse? never. NEVER should ANY form of abuse be normalized because it means more victims will appear. This shouldn’t even be a thing but here I am. Having to fight for people to realize this isn’t a thing that should be just accepted.

TL;DR: My first ex threatened to cause bodily harm when i was 10, and when i was 11 threatened suicide for me daring to try and break up with them. I escaped when i was 12, only barely. Now my anxiety has taken their voice and haunts me to this day.

If you’ve read this long, thank you! and have some

kittens

for what I just made you read. Thank you for your time.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

First of all, I want to thank you for your bravery in coming forward to share your experience. I am so sorry you had to go through this. Nobody deserves to be treated this way.

Second, you still raise a valid point.

Media in general tends to downplay emotional abuse and parental neglect, a good example being Monica Geller’s relationship with her parents from Friends. Almost every episode featuring Monica’s mom showed her being insensitive to her daughter and constantly belittled her while undermining her achievements like prioritizing Ross’ new girlfriend over Monica’s weight loss in a flashback. Even if it was unintentional on her part, it still damaged Monica’s psyche, and this kind of treatment was always played for laughs.

The fact that even shows today tend to downplay mental trauma shows that people don’t really understand the kind of damage it can cause.

The way Chloe’s relationship with her mother is portrayed is a good example. At least Friends is targeted towards an older audience so it could be enjoyed in a morbid way by laughing at Monica’s misery, but at its core, Miraculous Ladybug is aimed at children. Children will see Chloe bonding with her neglectful mother and see it as normal, as a good thing.

The fact that Astruc still doesn’t get how bad Chloe’s upbringing was shows he doesn’t get mental abuse either.

You need to better understand mental trauma before actually trying to write it. Otherwise, you end up depicting mental abuse in the wrong way and give viewers the wrong impression of it.

#immaturity of thomas astruc #iota #thomas astruc #thomas astruc salt #chloe bourgeois #queen bee #queen b #audrey bourgeois

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shihalyfie · 3 years

Text

A meta and analysis on Yagami Taichi

Being the face of Adventure and arguably the rest of the franchise, Taichi has the honor of being an important figure in the realm of shounen anime overall, which has the unfortunate side effect of very often being described with things that don’t actually match him at all -- the way people often talk about him (especially mainstream press) tends to portray him like a stereotypical shounen hero who charges aggressively into everything and is hot-blooded all of the time. That’s not...quite on the mark.

I think “impulsive” is certainly a correct way to describe him, but in a very different way than one might think -- and, in fact, Taichi is much more of a multifaceted character than he’s often pigeonholed as. How? Well, let’s talk about it!

Taichi in Adventure

The main reason it’s probably incorrect to call Taichi “hot-blooded” by nature is that, in actuality, he is far more often too chill than otherwise. It’s not that he aggressively charges into everything without any rhyme or reason! Rather, it’s more like he takes everything very easily and has a “don’t worry about it!” attitude.

In fact, I think our friend the Animation Chronicle explains it better than I can:

If he doesn’t know/understand something, he acts while he tries to figure it out...

So in other words, rather than our conventional version of “being impulsive” meaning beelining to the most aggressive possible action, rather, it’s more like “the first thing that pops into his head” -- even if it’s a fairly easygoing or relatively harmless-seeming solution, he just goes for it because it sounds like it’ll work and he doesn’t see any reason why not.

That said, it’s also made abundantly clear by multiple sources that his ideas do come with some kind of consideration:

From the Animation Chronicle: “He appears to move with reckless abandon, but he actually does take in his surroundings and he takes good care of his juniors in the soccer club.”

From the Adventure novels: “Taichi treated everyone without discrimination, as equals. That attitude of his didn’t change, even towards Koushiro. If Taichi hadn’t invited him, Koushiro was sure that he would have never gone to summer camp.”

Sora and Koushirou even back this up personally in Adventure episode 16, when Koushirou points out that Taichi had always been kind to his juniors, and Sora recalls an incident when he’d foregone an opportunity to score a goal because he’d known Sora was more likely to pull it off successfully.

So in other words, Taichi is, fundamentally speaking, not someone who does things for personal glory, but does want to work for other people’s sake. It’s just that, in trying to carry that out, he has a tendency to default to the first thing that pops into his head. Or in other words, Taichi’s primary way of thinking is “act first and figure out the details later” -- and this has both good and bad things about it.

Firstly, the fact that Taichi has such an “action-first” philosophy means that he’s capable of acting very practically in situations when others would freeze up. A very good example of this is Adventure episode 21; after angsting for half an episode considering quitting the fighting and enjoying his life at home, the moment he realizes that everyone else will be in danger if he leaves everyone be, he immediately instinctively steps in to help everyone. It’s not necessarily that Taichi doesn’t feel the stress or danger of fighting; it’s just that when he sees the practical impact of people he cares about getting hurt in front of him, all bets are off, because he needs to help people now.

The second thing is that, as Koushirou points out, he’s very kind to his juniors, and people in general -- he doesn’t really pay much mind to things like seniority, and is more concerned about treating everyone in accordance to their practical capabilities. This means that he’s someone who has a certain sense of charisma, especially since he’s appreciative of people’s abilities.

This is best indicated in Adventure episode 28, when two important things about Taichi are brought to the forefront:

Taichi’s natural charisma and ability to appeal to people makes him someone good at “bringing people together” -- indicated by the fact that the group hadn’t taken long to completely fall apart after he’d momentarily departed in Adventure episode 20, but came back together after he’d rallied them. The Adventure kids, coming from rather different social circles and backgrounds, were not originally the type to stay together or be particularly tight with each other by default, and so, during the first half of the series when they still had ways to go in terms of having any kind of meaningful bond with each other, they were unconsciously dependent on the charismatic Taichi to keep them together.

Taichi is a “natural leader” in every sense -- “leader” meaning not only someone who pushes people forward, but also someone who recognizes others’ abilities and is willing to delegate rather than trying to do everything by himself. This was briefly demonstrated in Sora’s Adventure episode 16 flashback when she remembers that Taichi willingly gave up the opportunity for a goal when he understood she could do it better (it’s reflected in his soccer position, too), but also here in Adventure episode 28, he gives the task of solving the card puzzle to Koushirou because he (correctly) determines that Koushirou, not himself, is best equipped to do the job. Also note that the episode makes clear that everyone agrees to it specifically because Taichi appointed him to the position -- much like how “understanding everyone’s abilities and delegating properly” is an important and necessary skill for a leader, everyone trusts Taichi to make that decision, and therefore trusts in Koushirou because he was appointed by said well-informed decision.

So those are the good things about him. What about the drawbacks?

The first is that Taichi is, unfortunately, a little emotionally insensitive. He doesn’t mean badly, of course -- you can’t deny that his penchant for teasing or trolling people makes him quite a fun person to be around -- but he tends to lack a bit of emotional insight and is prone to crossing the line with his remarks. Again, this is a symptom of him being too chill about things at times; he tends to react with “what’s the big deal?!” -- a statement that one should absolutely not say when arguing with someone, and which tends to get Taichi in hot water, especially with Yamato.

While the trope of “the shounen hero and the cool rival often having friction” is quite common in anime like this, Adventure’s play on it is actually quite different from how it would usually be played elsewhere. In most other shounen anime, this kind of relationship would have to do with something like the hot-blooded protagonist wanting to charge in and the cool-headed person wanting to be more “rational” about it, but in Adventure, Taichi and Yamato are pit against each other due to reasons that have to do with emotions. Yamato, contrary to what his character archetype might suggest, is someone who’s openly passionate and emotional, and is also someone who goes out of his way to care about others and their welfare -- so he often gets into fights with Taichi because he perceives Taichi to be insensitive and not putting sufficient thought into the others.

Yamato’s reactions are certainly extreme -- Adventure episodes 9 very clearly depicts him as the one losing control of his emotions and escalating the argument with Taichi to a full-on fight, whereas Taichi wanted him to calm down -- but he’s not fundamentally wrong in that this is an aspect Taichi needs to improve about, because it is true that Taichi tends to take the first suggestion of “what’ll get something done” that pops into his head, but also has a problem of vastly underestimating how dangerous things might be.

Again -- and this is very important to stress -- it’s not that he doesn’t care about others, and it’s not that he’s unaware of the dangers around him or the potential for repercussions! As Sora says in Adventure episode 16, he is conscientious of his surroundings and aware of potential risks. He has always put thought into his actions, and he doesn’t just charge into things with no rhyme or reason. He just has an abysmally poor sense of judgment, because he’s so naturally chill that he thinks “it’ll be fine, don’t worry!” -- and thus starts stubbornly locking down on what he wants to do because he’s so sure it’ll be fine and that everyone (usually Yamato) is overreacting.

If you want a specific example about Taichi’s tendency to misjudge: in Adventure episode 9, Taichi and Yamato get in a fight when Yamato perceives Taichi as too insensitive about Takeru’s potential welfare, which weirds Taichi out because Yamato’s being awfully overprotective. On its face, it might seem hypocritical because we later find out in Adventure episode 48 that Taichi is just as overprotective of his own sister, but it’s important to note that in the relevant episode, Taichi states that he has to go out of his way because Hikari continually fails to vocalize whenever she’s hurt or in pain. This implies that Taichi sees Takeru as someone who’s clearly capable of taking care of himself because he expresses himself better (and thus, Taichi doesn’t understand why Yamato has to go out of his way for him). Indeed, Takeru ends up latching onto Taichi because he sees him as treating him with the independence that Yamato won’t -- but Takeru has his own very deep-seated emotional issues that he just happens to be very good at hiding, and while Taichi is certainly always looking out for Takeru, he never seemed to have become aware of this problem.

This difficulty in judgment leads into a certain pattern of behavior that Taichi exhibits that only comes up in very specific situations, but is so consistently depicted that it’s basically an inherent trait of his: what I call the “Yagami Taichi stress response”.

Taichi is the kind of selfless person who prioritizes others’ welfare over himself, and there are times when it will often fall into almost self-destructive levels. (This is a trait he actually shares with his sister, although the two of them naturally deal with it in very different ways.) His first priority is “helping everyone”, and especially “helping anyone who’s in trouble” (especially when it’s happening right in front of him). Which means that whenever he feels that others are depending on him for something, he ends up often taking too much responsibility for everyone’s welfare, and starts cracking under the pressure.

Because Taichi is the kind of person who prioritizes “action first” and figuring things out as they go along, this means that his reaction to stress is basically becoming a completely unfocused mess. Or, in other words, he lets the thought of but we have to do something!! completely consume his head, methodology be damned, and he starts panicking and doing everything in every which way to get it done, to the point he starts lashing out at others or becoming an emotional wreck because of the stress. The first time we see this is Adventure episode 16, where, being the only one with a working Crest and feeling that he and Agumon have the responsibility of protecting everyone, starts pushing himself and Agumon to carry everyone’s burdens, resulting in everything going wrong and the dark evolution to SkullGreymon at the end of the episode.

Again: It’s important to remember that, even at his “worst”, Taichi’s main priority is helping and protecting others, which means that his way of responding to that stress is basically determining that he’ll take all of the responsibility onto himself. That involves things like forcing himself to “work harder for everyone’s sake”, or becoming dangerously self-sacrificial, or at least allowing himself to become an emotional wreck because as much as he knows better, his one strongest thought is always we have to do something!!

Taichi exhibits more of this behavior in Adventure episodes 48 and 49, to the point he gets unusually aggressive with Koushirou (which is also explicitly pointed out as him not acting like his usual self) once he starts panicking about Hikari’s welfare. Again, note that all of this stems from we have to do something!! -- he basically starts panicking because despite Koushirou clearly doing the best he can, once things start going south, it’s just not enough.

So, speaking of things going south: because Taichi often misjudges situations, whenever things go wrong, he takes it badly. This is someone whose first course of action is to “act first and work it out as we go along,” but the number one thing he can’t stand is seeing other people get hurt, and so when other people do get hurt because of the consequences, Taichi shuts down -- for instance, when he learns that his ploy to attempt to get Greymon to evolve ended up hurting Koromon and everyone around him in Adventure episodes 16-17, and when his taking the Digital World too lightly (taking Koushirou’s explanation of it being “like a game world” at too much face value) ends up getting Sora in trouble and his own life in danger.

Which leads to a certain degree of irony: Taichi’s behavior isn’t normally out of solely recklessness -- mainly really poor judgment and a tendency to underestimate things -- but when he does slip up and start having to deal with consequences, he does become reckless. But because this recklessness is out of a desire to “not let anyone else get hurt”, it results in him being reckless specifically with his own welfare -- he’s the kind of person who “takes too much responsibility onto himself”, and his way of responding to the issues of “someone might get hurt” and “but we have to do something!!” means that he, by default, responds to everything with “okay, then I’ll be the one who gets hurt!” Or in other words, his solution to preventing other casualties while still doing something to help others involves becoming dangerously self-sacrificial. Because in the end, Taichi is the kind of person who hates seeing people being in trouble or hurt in front of him, and his instinct is to always protect people, no matter what.

But, again: Taichi’s way of “action first” is not a fundamentally bad thing -- remember, Adventure episode 21 established very well that this trait of his is very good for bringing him out of his biggest bouts of hesitation, because he has a very practical understanding of the need to fight in order to prevent more casualties. This is especially because the final arc of Adventure deals heavily with the concept of “collateral damage”, or the question of how to handle fighting to save people, when people are inevitably hurt (or, in this case, dying) in the process.

Yamato accuses Taichi in Adventure episode 43 of not being conscientious enough about the friends they’ve lost in the process, but once Yamato succumbs to his resentment and personal beefs and starts selfishly picking a fight with Taichi in Adventure episode 44-45, Taichi indicates that he is keeping his fallen friends in mind -- it’s just that, to him, not continuing the fight is an insult to everything they’d died for (especially because, indeed, more people will get hurt if they don’t do something).

And, ultimately, in Adventure episode 50, Taichi does conclude that Yamato, Jou, and Mimi are right about one thing: while he’s always been right about them needing to do something, they do at least need to be careful about how they go about it so that they don’t incur more sacrifices along the way. Fortunately, Taichi is a soccer captain and perfectly capable of quickly coming up with a suitable plan on the fly (he even cites it in this episode, and in fact had already demonstrated an ability to come up with tactics when necessary back in Adventure episode 20) -- it’s not that he’s never been able to do flexible thinking, it’s just that his natural tendency to be “too chill’ about things and overestimate the efficacy of the first thing that popped into his head was something he needed to learn to think through a little harder.

And so, the final episodes of Adventure indicate him finally starting to tap into his capacity for that -- thus truly becoming the definition of the Adventure group’s “leader”.

Taichi after Adventure

We learn in Our War Game! that Taichi still has a bit of a way to go in terms of the “emotional sensitivity” part, most notably when Taichi starts getting defensive when he accidentally disrupts the computer connection, and Koushirou (most likely correctly) pinpoints this insensitivity as the likely reason he and Sora got into a nasty fight prior to the events of the movie. In fact, while Taichi already clearly had some shades of this in Adventure, when his “teasing” of others or stepping over their boundaries could sometimes go a little too far, it’s especially indicated here that Taichi is very, very bad at dispute resolution, because he keeps trying to deflect blame for his own actions and indirectly accuses Sora of being the irrational one in regards to their argument. (Again, for anyone entangled in a dispute with a friend: “dismissing the other person’s feelings” and going for the ad hominem, instead of at the very least acknowledging them in the process of making your point, is the number one worst way to handle this.)

Of course, Taichi wouldn’t have gotten this far if he didn’t have the natural charisma to compensate -- again, he’s fundamentally someone who cares about other people and attends to them. But, unfortunately, he’s still bad at knowing how to deal with other people’s emotions and learning to deal with them with proper empathy...

...So, in fact, it’s striking that the Taichi we initially meet in 02 is someone who, most of the time, seems to come off as very mature and put-together. The fact that he so willingly turned over his goggles to Daisuke at the beginning of the episode is a really huge deal, frankly -- even if you don’t subscribe to the theory that there’s any major sentimental backstory to it a la V-Tamer, that’s still an item he’s kept on him since he was a tiny child and clearly must have a huge amount of attachment to, yet he immediately handed it over to Daisuke the moment he felt Daisuke was worthy of it.

It’s actually quite a bit of a swerve for those of us used to the more “playful” Taichi who sometimes took things way too lightly, but it’s also important to realize that this is the Taichi that Daisuke and his friends see. This is especially in light of the fact that Daisuke starts off the series with a very severe inability to be assertive, so Taichi, who’s always been naturally assertive from the get-go (almost too much sometimes), is everything he is not, and therefore admires.

Taichi is still Taichi, which means that he’s still subject to the Yagami Taichi stress response, and he gets very close to blowing up angrily at the others when they show up late. But unlike how he had a whole train of being rather out of control when emotionally compromised in Adventure episodes 48-49, he gets himself together fairly quickly and admits that he also didn’t want to force everyone to come if they didn’t want to (to the point where he had even thought about going alone with Hikari in the worst-case scenario -- again, note the tendency for self-sacrifice and putting responsibility on himself).

We also see him about to lapse into it again at the end of the episode, when he freezes up because he’s not sure about what to do in regards to the potential of hurting Agumon in the process of getting him back -- but Yamato manages to get him back on his feet, rather literally, and with a punch to the face.

This punch tends to be really often misinterpreted as if violence is just a fact of life when it comes to Taichi and Yamato, but it is very, very important to understand the context behind this scene and how it differs from the two’s relationship in Adventure. Whenever the two fought back in Adventure, it would be a very vicious argument with the two genuinely angry at each other, and with Yamato accusing Taichi of being insensitive and thus becoming hostile and resentful towards him. In this scene, however, Yamato has become conscientious of Taichi’s own feelings and reasons for hesitating. This is evidenced by the fact he only does a single punch and holds out his hand to Taichi right after -- said punch was strictly meant as one meant to snap him back to reality, and Yamato holds out that hand knowing that Taichi will not take it as anger or resentment, but rather “I did this because you needed something to get you back into focus, I know you also know this and won’t take it as an insult, and I understand your feelings and want to help you.”

It’s important in establishing the level of deep trust Taichi and Yamato have where they understand each other’s positions now without fighting over it -- the two of them even point out in the next episode that the reason they can get away with this is because of how much worse they used to go through before, but now, the two of them treat each other with mutual sympathy, understanding, and support, and devoid of condescension whatsoever. And because of that, Taichi is able to “snap out” of his hesitation much more quickly than he would three years prior, because now he has Yamato’s emotional support, and Yamato even frames the situation in a way the “we have to do something!!” Taichi would understand: if they don’t do something, Agumon will continue to be the Kaiser’s slave destroying everything that he himself would never want to see destroyed, and even if they end up accidentally losing him in the process, it would arguably be a bigger mercy to him than it would to let him continue in this state. It’s all very practical reasoning that works best with Taichi’s way of thinking, and because of that, they’re able to push forward into the events of the next episode.

But just because he’s become more mature doesn’t mean he’s lost his characteristic charisma or ability to be playful or a tease -- after all, Taichi has always had a penchant for a bit of a smug personality, sometimes even bordering on the petulant. This especially comes out when he’s with Agumon, but, really, Taichi is a person who really likes fun.

On another interesting note, however, Taichi sends Sora off in 02 episode 38 when he’s very heavily implied to have caught on that Sora is about to confess to Yamato, and pushes her on without giving her grief for it. Regardless of whether you subscribe to the theory that Taichi has his own unresolved feelings in the situation, the important part is that he understood that this was a grave enough situation for Sora that this did not merit teasing her or insensitively poking into her feelings on it -- in other words, it’s a huge contrast to Adventure episode 26 when he was clearly at a loss on how to deal with her when she was emotionally compromised, and Agumon and Gabumon commented that he wasn’t as mature as Yamato in dealing with this.

But now, Taichi is much more capable of showing actual empathy for others and understanding when it’s the time to hold back on the teasing or potential insensitivity, and for that, Agumon compliments him on the same maturity he’d failed to express three years prior.

By the time we get to Kizuna, the fact that Taichi is one of the lead protagonists is for obvious meta reasons (he’s the protagonist of Adventure, after all), but it also makes sense that a movie centered around the millennial existential crisis -- and, specifically, the issue of career uncertainty -- would have him as a major player in it. Remembering that Taichi is fundamentally the kind of person who operates as “act first, deal with it later,” it makes perfect sense that the terrifying pressure of dealing with something as vague and uncertain as career pressure would be something that Taichi would continually put off. Again, Taichi is a very practical-minded person who usually works best with things that are clearly happening in front of him, so “wide-ranging” things are things he plays badly with.

Despite Taichi being very clearly depicted as “out of it” for this movie, at the very least, certain fundamental personality traits of his haven’t gone away -- for one, he’s still one of the most expressive characters in the movie (to the point many a fan has commented on his jackpot of facial expressions) in terms of petulance, sometimes getting a little defensive, and driving poor Koushirou a little nuts with his tendency to be reckless with electronics. He also gets a bit cocky during the battle with Eosmon, which, again, tracks with his tendency to do that every so often (and to be fair to him, everyone was guilty of severely underestimating Eosmon at the time, so it’s not like this was a major miscalculation on Taichi’s part).

Moreover, much like in 02, Taichi and Yamato are understanding of each other’s feelings to the extent that Yamato is the first person Taichi calls to dump his feelings about his existential crisis over. Even though they’re still prone to some mild bickering at the beginning of the movie, they immediately go back on high-fiving terms right after, so it’s a very far cry from the time back in Adventure when Yamato would look down on Taichi for being insensitive.

But here, we have this one line that basically represents the source of all of the problems Taichi ends up going through in this movie, including the reason for his loss of Agumon: Taichi is trying to “force” himself to become an independent person, and in the process is pushing Agumon away, and, on a more metaphorical level, his own self.

Taichi moved out of his parents’ house under the pretense of not burdening his family, but Hikari’s comment about their mother wanting him to drop by indicates that it’s not likely they necessarily wanted him to move out -- and despite that, Taichi is miserable in his daily routine of walking back and forth from school and working at a part-time job and eating convenience store food. He’s clearly lonely, yet he won’t allow Agumon into his room (it’s stated that his visit midway into the movie is his first time here). He keeps his old goggles and Digivice, yet he shuts it in a drawer and only opens the drawer to stare at it from time to time, and when Agumon finally does visit and finds his AVs, Taichi freaks out and pins it as an “adult thing” before he finds himself in the awkward situation of basically gatekeeping his own partner with a societal standard he doesn’t even understand.

I should point out that the AVs are not strictly porn, if you want to be really technical about it; it’s “gravure” videos, involving a cosplayer dressing up in sexy/high-exposure outfits and striking suggestive poses, but it’s not actually explicit porn. Moreover, a toned-down version of this scene exists in the Shueisha Mirai version of the novel, where the issue is not about AVs but rather the fact that Taichi only has alcohol in his fridge -- absolutely nothing non-alcoholic, despite how impractical this is -- because “[he’s] an adult, after all.” So the point of this scene is that Taichi’s being performative, or in other words trying to do Adult Things because That’s What Adults Do. And since a Digimon partner is representative of the inner self, and especially established in 02 to have relevance to one’s “less dignified and more childish dreams”, Taichi looking down on Agumon, i.e. looking down on himself, becomes the reason why he ends up losing him at the end of this movie.

As things get worse for Taichi and the crisis escalates, we actually get another glimpse of the Yagami Taichi stress response -- Yamato confronts him on whether he’s okay with going in to save all of the Eosmon victims despite knowing what’ll happen to their partners. Taichi, frantically (Hanae Natsuki’s voice acting really sells it here), has an emotional outburst and professes that, no, of course he’s not, but, again: they have to do something!! Because in the end, Taichi is a selfless person who understands that bad things are happening to people now, and the important thing is saving them now and dealing with the consequences once that’s done with, and even Yamato admits that, as much as he hates it, this is the correct answer.

Taichi does, unfortunately, lose Agumon at the end of the movie, but there are multiple indications he’s already on his way to getting him back, given that Taichi’s starting to address all of the problems he was neck deep in at the start of the movie. In the middle of the movie, after having shut his goggles in the drawer all of this time and only pulling it out whenever he was depressed, he decides to embrace the courage they initially symbolized and puts them back on his neck, and when we reach the climax of the movie, he uses Hikari’s old whistle to wake everyone up. This needs to be distinguished from all of the “nostalgia” everyone else had been drowning themselves in by looping themselves eternally in old memories from a desire to never move on from them; symbolically speaking, Taichi’s blowing of the whistle represents acknowledging the important things in your past, and making productive use of them to move onto the future, rather than the unhealthy reactions of either drowning eternally in nostalgia, or performatively shutting everything out about your past in a bid to reach some arbitrary standard of adulthood.

Hence, Taichi’s thesis -- the one he had failed to write at the beginning of the movie -- is only filled out once Taichi embraces that past version of himself, because his thesis summary is about reflection on his past experiences, and making use of those to think about how to apply them to the future.

This is, obviously, intended as a lead-up to the 02 epilogue in which Taichi becomes an ambassador -- or in other words, someone who indeed specializes in “bringing humans and Digimon together” and offering proposals on how they can coexist in the future. Agumon, of course, is an important part of this job (look at his suit and bowtie!), instead of Taichi shutting him out and treating him like someone who doesn’t belong in his adult life.

Of the careers depicted in the epilogue, Taichi’s is the most “furthest-reaching”, since, as a diplomat, he has influence over a pretty huge range of things, which fits with Taichi’s tendency to shoot for some pretty high things -- and, also, conceptually, it works well with what we’ve always known since Adventure to be Taichi’s true specialties as a “leader”: having the charisma and understanding to bring people from different places together, and to lead them all forward.

#digimon #digimon adventure #digimon adventure 02 #digimon adventure last evolution kizuna #kizuna spoilers #yagami taichi #taichi yagami #shihameta

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straightlikewetspaghetti · 3 years

Text

A chaotic story that just as chaotically appeared in my head. It's much longer than I normally write, but I hope that doesn't bother you.

Fake It Till You Make It

Poppy x MC (Bea Hughes)

Warnings: None, except for the possibility of errors.

Walking through the grounds of Belvoir Bea witnessed a rather comical looking scene: Poppy was gesticulating very animatedly towards two adults, presumably her parents. It was the first time Bea had seen such rage in the blonde's movements. Curious and attracted by the possibility of Poppy's humiliation, Bea decided to get closer and see what was going on.

When she was close enough, she hugged Poppy tightly around the waist and clung to her with her whole body, nearly knocking the air out of her lungs. "Good morning, Kitten." she purred into her ear, loud enough to be sure the other two heard her as well.

Poppy's face went pale as a hospital wall, and her hands fell involuntarily along her body at the sound of the nickname Bea said in her peculiarly sexy, low accent.

The man and woman standing in front of them looked at each other and then swept their eyes over Bea. The woman nodded her head approvingly, and her eyes lit up. The man spoke first: "You're that famous Poppy's fiancée?" his voice was husky and expressed all manner of disapproval, but before Bea had time to bite her tongue, she nodded. "Where's the ring then?"

"Come on Piers, who cares about some shiny things." the woman's voice was much more pleasant.

Bea knew that what they were thinking was wrong and she should set the situation straight. "I don't..." she began embarrassed, but was silenced by a firm pinch on her bottom that was the equivalent of a snake bite. She looked accusingly at Poppy, but the blonde was only smiling falsely.

"Yes, this is Bea my fiancée. Bea, these are my parents, Ana and Piers Sinclair." the blonde pushed the girl slightly towards them.

The brunette shook hands with Piers and he nearly crushed her hand. She wasn't sure if he had intended it, but he made his warning very clear to her. Ana, on the other hand, hugged her tightly with a grace worthy of a queen herself. Poppy was the perfect blend of their characters.

"It's nice to finally meet you." chirped Ana pulling away from Bea. "We were slowly getting worried that Princess made it all up to make it easier to get our wealth."

"Princess?" Bea sneered under her breath, resulting in an immediate meeting of her ribs with Poppy's elbow. She grunted hastily putting a fake smile on her face. "No, no. What we have with Princess is the real thing." the brunette hugged Poppy around the waist again, feeling her small figure bubbling with inner rage.

"Then let us invite you to dinner!" Ana communicated contentedly, clapping her well-groomed hands. "We would love to get to know more about the person who tamed this untouchable girl."

"Mother." Poppy cut short Ana, measuring her with the kind of glare that could kill people. To her displeasure her mother didn't seem to mind, on the contrary, she looked like she enjoyed teasing her daughter. It could be a family thing. "That won't be necessary, I'm sure you're tired after your trip."

"Nonsense my dear." Ana waved her hand dismissively. "I insist." although her voice was gentle, there was a hint of force hidden in it. Her mother did not seem like someone who took well to words of objections.

Ana slipped her hand under Piers' arm and together they started walking towards the car. Before they drove away, however, the woman smiled broadly "Tonight at 7 p.m. at our favorite restaurant. Dress appropriately... As long as you wear clothes when you're next to each other ." her laughter Poppy and Bea could hear long after the car drove away, leaving the confused girls alone with their thoughts.

"What was that?" first spoke Bea, looking at Poppy with obvious amusement. She really enjoyed seeing the state of embarrassment Poppy was in.

The blonde let the air out of her lungs and shook her head. "I panicked."

"That much is obvious," sneered the brunette. "We've slept together a few times, but marriage right away? There are easier ways to get a woman, princess."

"Just... Shut up. Let me think." Poppy nervously paced around breaking her mean girl exterior. Her mind raced and no logical answer wanted to emerge. The only rational solution is to continue this charade to the delight of her parents. "Do you have any clothes worth more than a pack of chips?"

Bea choked on air hearing the blonde's words. "Yes, I have clothes that are worth more than you."

The blonde just rolled her eyes and ignored the brunette's insult. "Come by the sorority house an hour before dinner. I expect you to dress decently." With those words, she left Bea with no way to refuse.

A punctual hour before dinner, Bea stopped her beloved Pick-up in the driveway of the Zeta sorority house. Even though it didn't show on her, she was nervous. Her palms were sweating and she nervously tapped her fingers against the steering wheel.

The door of the sorority house opened and there stood Poppy, dressed as elegantly as ever, but something about her appearance knocked all the air out of Bea's lungs. The brunette jumped out of the car and was at the passenger door in a flash.

Poppy unhurriedly walked up to the girl and spun around letting the material of her dress float freely with her movement. The sight was mesmerizing to Bea and she became very aware of how much she wanted to kiss her fake fiancée now.

The blonde ignored the butterflies in her stomach, which began to cheerfully flutter their wings under the influence of the brunette's adoring gaze. Even if her reaction was sincere, she couldn't forget that this was all one big farce for her parents.

Their journey passed in absolute silence, each was absorbed in her own thoughts. When they arrived at their destination five minutes before the appointed time, they noticed that Poppy's parents were already waiting for them.

Poppy jumped out of the car first before they could figure out any tactics. If Bea had been nervous before, the sight of her parents compounded that feeling, making her feet grow into the ground.

After a mental pat on the back, Bea stepped out of the car and stood next to Poppy. Her hand casually went to the blonde's waist and pulled her tighter against her. Poppy stiffened for a second before melting into the comfort the brunette's closeness gave her.

"Look Piers, how well they fit together. Almost like us." Ana said excitedly, kissing her husband. "Show your fiancée some love Poppy."

Bea chuckled and looked at Poppy's reddened face, the look expressing every level of embarrassment. She pulled the blonde closer to her and asked with genuine concern: "You okay there?"

Poppy shook her head, muttering under her breath. When she noticed the girl moving closer to her, she placed her hand carefully on the brunette's chest, alarmed that her parents were watching. "You don't have to..."

"I didn't have to pretend to be your fiancée either, and look: here I am." she whispered holding the blonde's gaze. An unspoken emotion passed between them, and the next thing they knew, Bea's lips were pressed against Poppy's in a rather unsure kiss.

The dinner went off without a hitch, and Poppy's parents didn't seem to suspect anything. The fact that the girls lived on the same campus made it very easy for them to create a colorized story of their first meeting and their entire relationship.

Poppy was strangely calm and they never once jumped down each other's throats during the entire evening. Bea got the impression that the blonde was even enjoying herself. She caught herself thinking that this was even what her life could be like. With her by her side.

Somehow Ana had talked them into slow dancing. She and her husband on one side of the dance floor, while Poppy and Bea preferred to be in a less visible place. Their bodies swayed in unison, no words needed to be spoken for them to understand each other in that moment. It was a magical moment shared between them, a peace that was not meant to exist.

"Have you thought about children yet?" asked Piers bluntly when they decided to sit at the table for a while longer after the dance.

Both girls almost died of embarrassment. Bea slowly began to panic that their lie had taken hold all too well. Under the table away from prying eyes Poppy grabbed the brunette's hand and squeezed it tightly. It was so unnatural for her that Bea's face flooded with a blood-red blush.

"Of course there is adoption or other unconventional methods in your case, but..."

"Excuse me for a moment." Bea said feeling an invisible force squeeze her. She escaped from there at an alarming rate, stopping no sooner than she reached the front of the restaurant and took a gulp of the cold night air.

It was too much even for her. The honesty and openness with which Poppy's parents welcomed her made her feel like a monster.

"Here is a runaway bride" laughed Ana stopping next to Bea. "I was convinced you'd drop out earlier, but I have to admit I admire the stubbornness."

Bea's face went pale, and her heart pounded like a hammer. It's impossible for Poppy's mother to know. Or...

"Don't look at me like that child, I'm her mother after all." she smiled sympathetically, then her expression changed to a slightly more serious one. "Aside from your charade, I can safely say that there is something between you two."

Bea sighed quietly and looked at the woman beside her. "How did you know you loved Piers?" she asked boldly, even though the next second she was biting her tongue for her lack of tact. The silence she was met with was so awkward, that she was ready to apologize for her insensitivity, but Ana just smiled and shook her head.

"Piers is a wonderful husband and father..." she began with a hint of nostalgia in her voice. Her gaze flickered ahead and she probably didn't even realize that she was involuntarily playing with her wedding ring. "I love him, as much as I can, but he is not the love of my life."

Ana fell silent to let Bea digest the information she had received. Various emotions were painted on the girl's face, but curiosity took over: "I don't understand?" she said, hoping the woman would continue the topic.

"When I was your age, I met a man." Ana involuntarily smiled radiantly at the memory of her beloved. "He was a wonderful man. If he could, he would have saved the whole world with me by his side."

Bea began to notice a slow change in the woman's tone that foreshadowed a sad end to this story. She moved closer to Ana, offering her mental comfort.

"After several years of relationship, Poppy, my greatest treasure, was born. I don't often remind her of it, but she's the apple of my eye. Her father also loved her more than life and would do anything for her." the woman's eyes began to well up with tears, though she meticulously tried to hide it. "But his calling conflicted with raising a child in one place. One day, he simply disappeared leaving a letter. A letter... As if it would change anything."

"I'm sorry..." Bea whispered, moved by Ana's story.

The woman straightened up and blinked a few times, chasing away the tears gathering in the corners of her eyes. "Piers was lovely enough to accept me and Poppy. Not to mention his fortune." she giggled and in a split second, her face no longer expressed her earlier sadness. The smile however she put on did not reach her eyes, which was very noticeable. "Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I decided to leave with him and Poppy. Would our lives be different then?"

"I'm... I'm not really in a position to answer that." Bea replied slightly embarrassed, scratching back of her neck nervously. She wasn't ready to emotionally support an adult because she herself didn't understand what was going on in her life and heart.

"Of course." Ana smiled cheerfully, this time the smile was genuine. "Thank you for letting the old woman talk about the old days."

This time, they both laughed, making the earlier discomfort evaporate. Bea couldn't tell how much she and Poppy's mom had stood outside the restaurant like that, but the street lamps had managed to light up, immersing the city in a soft bright glow.

She wasn't sure what Ana was trying to convey to her with her story. After all, she and Poppy don't love each other. And if they don't, why did the thought of it sting her heart so much?

"There you are." Piers' voice snapped the women out of their reverie and the man wrapped his cloak around his wife hugging her close. Even if he wasn't the true love of Ana's life, they were both happy having each other and it was admirable.

Poppy stood next to Bea, not quite sure how she should act. To her surprise, the brunette preceded her and covered her shoulders with her jacket. In a second, a delicate scent entered her nostrils and she realized that it didn't bother her at all. On the contrary, she could get used to it.

The blonde turned her head gently to look imperceptibly at Bea's face, but Bea already had her gaze fixed straight into her. Her eyes glistened in the lantern light, making Poppy's legs try to refuse to obey her. Reflexively, her face began to move closer to Bea's, only to have a grunt snap them out of their trance shortly before their lips touched.

"Thank you for this, oh so lovely dinner." Piers' voice was soft, although slightly suspicious and both girls blushed awkwardly, avoiding each other's gaze.

"Come on honey." interjected Ana correcting her husband's already impeccably placed bow tie. There was pure joy in her voice compared to his. "We'll have to do it again sometime."

Poppy's face darkened and she said an express goodbye to her parents, almost forcibly shoving them into a cab. In all the confusion, Bea caught Ana's gaze, which sent shivers down her spine. It was like a silent consent, but also a warning.

As the cab pulled away, Poppy slumped against the restaurant wall with a dramatic sigh, burying her face in one of her hands. Bea looked at her with newly aroused curiosity. "It wasn't... Bad." she concluded, thrusting her hands into the pockets of her pants.

As if smacked with a whip Poppy rose to her feet, reminding herself of the brunette's existence. She poked an accusing finger into her breast. "What were you thinking, leaving halfway through!"

Bea carefully caught the girl's perfectly manicured finger and lowered it, smoothly sliding her hand into Poppy's. They fit together perfectly. "I wasn't thinking."

Slightly taken aback, Poppy lifted her gaze from their entwined hands. "Of course you weren't thinking! You never do. Even if your life depended on it."

"That's true." the brunette admitted calmly, slowly drawing circles on the blonde's cool skin with her thumb. It was like a trance she wasn't even trying to snap out of.

Poppy's face twisted in fury. "Why are you so damn calm!" her voice reached higher octaves every now and then, slowly drawing the attention of nearby passing onlookers.

"I'm tired." Bea sighed and without breaking eye contact, she cupped Poppy's face in her hands. Her cool skin, was like salvation to the blonde cheeks hot with rage. "I'm tired of not understanding what's going on between us. I'm tired of not being able to tell you how I feel about you." with each sentence she spoke, her voice faded in her throat and Poppy's face changed expression from angry, through surprised to confused. The blonde finally gave up and relaxed her posture, allowing Bea to move closer to her. Their foreheads touched and their hearts pounded in unison. "I don't know if it's love..." the brunette continued once she was sure Poppy wasn't ready to scratch her eyes out. "But I'd like to explore it. With you."

A treacherous grin crept across Poppy's face, making the knots in Bea's stomach loosen and in an instant she felt several times more light than she had a second ago. She was ready to take a chance and by the blonde's reaction, she got the impression that she would share her opinion.

Without waiting any longer Bea shortened the distance between them and kissed her. It was not one of the kisses they had shared so far. This one was slower, calmer, yet more sensual and emotional.

Poppy pulled away first and sighed contentedly. "We've done this so many times before, but this one seemed like a first." she remarked, with a newfound hunger in her eyes as her gaze wandered across Bea's figure.

"Think of it as a promise of what's to come." the brunette laughed, embracing Poppy around the waist and pulling her close. "Then what will it be, Princess? Will you marry me?"

#poppy x mc #poppy fic #choices #playchoices #poppy min sinclair #bea hughes #queen b #queen b choices

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ibijau · 3 years

Text

Futures Past pt8 / On AO3

Meng Yao's future is dealt with.

To say that Lan Qiren was disappointed in his nephew for helping Nie Huaisang escape into Yunping City would have been an understatement. It was made quite clear to Lan Xichen that he would face punishment of his own for this misbehaviour. Real punishment, too, not just copying texts as had become standards for small infractions. Still, Lan Qiren listened to that tale of a corrupt merchant scamming people with fake manuals, which greatly irritated him, and thus forced sect leader Huang to care as well and deal with it immediately.

It was wrong to think maliciously of anyone without proof, and even more so if the person was an elder. Yet as they all walked toward the market Lan Xichen couldn’t shake the feeling that had he been alone when news of that crooked merchant reached him, Huang Quiling might not have cared enough to do anything about it. After all, he hadn’t asked Lan Xichen for any details about this business, and instead appeared intent on continuing his conversation with Jiang Fengmian about borders and trade.

Lives were on the line, Nie Mingjue and Meng Yao’s futures depended on this day, and nobody cared.

They didn't care because they couldn't know, of course, but logic wasn't helping Lan Xichen's ever growing anxiety. He only calmed down when they all reached the place where the others were waiting, and found that everyone of any importance was still where he had left them.

While Lan Xichen was gone, things had changed a little in the market. Most of the earlier crowd had dispersed, tired of waiting for more entertainment, and the market street was almost back to normal. Those few curious folks who remained were trying to inconspicuously listen in as Nie Huaisang chatted with, or rather at poor Meng Shi. The unfortunate woman looked deeply uncomfortable, but didn't dare openly disrespect the young master who had confirmed her son's potential for cultivation by walking away.

She couldn't leave yet, anyway, not until she'd gotten her money back for those fake cultivation manuals. From what Lan Xichen could see, Jiang Cheng and Meng Yao were taking care of that, the two of them counting money with that crooked merchant. Here and there Meng Yao would glance at Nie Huaisang, as if something he said attracted his attention, but each time Jiang Cheng brought his attention back to the task at hand.

When Lan Xichen and his elders came close enough to hear, the distress made sense: Nie Huaisang, after all this time, was still discussing the many failings of Jin Guangshan. Lan Xichen wished he were surprised, but there really was that much gossip going around about that man. Most people just didn't usually discuss all of it at once out of respect for a sect leader.

“And then, da-ge said that Jin zongzhu brought in dancers,” Nie Huaisang was saying to a rapt audience, insensitive to the discomfort of Meng Shi next to him. “Da-ge said it was getting embarrassing to watch when Jin Furen arrived, and she made such a scene because apparently her husband had promised to consult her about all the entertainments at the banquet but he brought the dancers without tell her. So then, she… oh, already?”

Nie Huaisang, so cheerful while telling his story, turned a little pale at the sight of Lan Qiren. He looked around for something to hide him from his teacher’s angry glare, and had to settle for slipping behind poor Meng Shi. Lan Xichen refrained from rolling his eyes, and directed his elders' attention where it was actually needed.

“Here is the man,” Lan Xichen announced, motioning toward the merchant. “He has been selling fake cultivation manuals to people.”

“Fake talismans as well,” Jiang Cheng said, lifting a few before crumbling them in his hand. “And he has been doing this for a while. How long, did you say?”

“We started buying from him last year,” Meng Yao explained with a polite bow toward the older cultivators. “But he started coming to the market the year before that, and already offered the same wares. We assumed he had received permission to sell those items, since...”

Meng Yao trailed off, glancing toward sect leader Huang before bowing deeper as if in apology.

Strictly speaking, no sect could be expected to be aware of and to deal with every crook that operated in their territory, so Huang Quiling couldn't be blamed for that situation. At the same time, it would be considered shameful for any sect to have someone selling fakes in its own hometown of all places, and for so long. It spoke of unreliability on their part if people would rather go to a nobody on the market, or else it meant that they priced their services much too high for common people. It also meant they didn't care about commoners, who surely had to have complained about that merchant before. Either way, it wasn't a good look for Huang Quiling, and he would have to act properly to clean this stain on his reputation.

But instead of scolding the merchant or threatening him, Huang Quiling only had eyes for Meng Shi, who was glaring at him defiantly.

“So it's you again,” sect leader Huang muttered. “Meng Shi! Haven’t I told you to stop bothering cultivators?” he turned to the other two sect leaders and gave a small apologetic bow. “I’m sorry that your boys got caught up in this. Meng Shi is just a local whore who’s convinced herself that her bastard has what it takes to be a cultivator. Completely delusional, the boy will never amount to anything. You can't judge that merchant's wares just because the bastard of a whore didn't become an immortal from reading it. I'm unsure the boy can even read.”

Meng Shi, proud as a queen until then, went pale. Lan Xichen felt her shock and horror as if they were his own. He turned to glance at his uncle, worried he might side with Huang Quiling, but to his relief Lan Qiren instead appeared annoyed at the sect leader. It was probably only the coarse language that he disapproved of, and the public nature of this confrontation which he must feel stained all their reputations, yet Lan Xichen felt emboldened anyway.

“Huang zongzhu, have you tested Meng gongzi?” he asked. “We checked on him, and found he has potential.”

“What would mere boys know about these things?” Huang Quiling snapped at him. “Which one of you tested him?”

Lan Xichen hesitated, and glanced at the other boys. He hadn’t come anywhere near Meng Yao yet, and couldn’t lie about that. But if he said it was Nie Huaisang who had checked on Meng Yao, and after his horrible performance at the Night Hunt the day before, it wouldn’t be much of an endorsement. Lan Xichen himself only trusted Nie Huaisang’s assessment because he knew from that other future what sort of cultivation genius Meng Yao was.

“I’m the one who checked on him,” Jiang Cheng boldly lied. Or perhaps he really had checked, dubious as well of Nie Huaisang's assessment, because he continued: “For someone not born from gentry, his potential is not to be dismissed. It might be on par with Yunmeng Jiang's first disciple, if he were just taught properly.”

Huang Quiling, so disdainful a moment before, lost all of his confidence. He glanced at Jiang Fengmian whose face showed no particular expression, except perhaps mild curiosity now that Wei Wuxian had been mentioned. Lan Xichen wasn't sure what to make of that. He hadn’t often been near Jiang Fengmian except at the occasional discussion conference, and of course in the other future they had never gotten to work together as sect leaders. According to gossip, Jiang Fengmian was something of a pushover, who loved quiet and peace more than he cared about justice, but on occasion he could show strength of character if the mood hit him.

"What does his skill matter, with a mother like that?" Huang Quiling claimed, refusing to admit defeat. "No self respecting sect would knowingly take in the son of a whore. It'd be like teaching a pig to walk on two legs, dressing it in silk, and calling it human."

"People ought to be judged on their actions rather than their origins," Lan Xichen retorted, which caused sect leader Huang to glare at him with bulging eyes, his face dark with a rage so strong it robbed him of his words. Even without looking, Lan Xichen knew that his uncle too had to be shocked, that there would be hell to pay for this later. But then, if he was going to be punished, he might as well go all the way. "Just because you don't have the talent to teach someone,” he said, “don't assume a skilled teacher can't do it either."

Huang Quiling looked on the verge of having a Qi deviation, gaping and frothing at the mere boy who dared to insult him so openly. He wasn't the only one to stare, either. Nie Huaisang, the Jiangs, the Mengs, and above all Lan Qiren were looking at Lan Xichen as if he'd suddenly grown a second head.

A very rude second head, at that.

Lan Xichen just couldn't help it. Back in that awful future, the man he would have become had also been enraged and saddened at the unfairness of the world, particularly with regards to Meng Yao. If people hadn't judged him so harshly for something he had no control over, if instead they had taken notice of his skill, of his hard working personality, of his determination…

In that future, Lan Xichen had never dared to speak up, believing in the virtues of inaction and of leading by example, the way he'd been taught to behave. So far in this current life his attempts at being more active hadn't really worked so well, only ensuring that Nie Huaisang made a terrible friend in Su She and started hating Lan Xichen much earlier, but maybe this time, just maybe...

“Lan-xiansheng, your nephew is rather opinionated for a boy his age,” Huang Quiling complained. “I have heard a great deal how well behaved the young heir to Gusu Lan is, but it appears some reputations are undeserved.”

“My nephew will be dealt with,” Lan Qiren calmly replied, which dampened Lan Xichen's moment of rebellion more than anger could have. “And he will present excuses to you. Right now, Xichen.”

“But Lan gongzi's right!” Nie Huaisang exclaimed, coming out from his hiding place being Meng Shi. Under Lan Qiren's glare he shivered, but didn't give up. “I mean, he's right at least to ask if Meng gongzi was tested,” he mumbled. “And he's right to say it's not fair if nobody will teach him just because of his family! I've read our histories, you know. I know people didn't want to teach some butcher any cultivation because it's unclean work, and now we're a big sect. Isn't it the same? And it's not just us, right?”

His eyes darted toward Jiang Fengmian, who smiled at the unsaid accusation.

The official history said that Yunmeng Jiang had been founded by a group of rogue cultivators. They had tired of wandering, and established themselves in a small port which soon thrived thanks to their presence and influence. As far as founding stories went, it was a very respectable one.

The less official story was that their founder had been the leader of a band of thieves who had picked up a trick or two and figured that cultivation paid better than robbery. Lan Xichen had never been interested enough in the subject to do any research, but he had a cousin with a taste for history who swore that annals from that period corroborated the second version more than the first. If so, it wasn't much better than being descended from a prostitute, though enough time had passed that it didn't matter so much anymore.

“I see my nephew won't be the only one who needs to be dealt with,” Lan Qiren remarked in an icy voice. Nie Huaisang, having used up all of his courage in standing up to his teacher, hid again behind Meng Shi, trying to make himself small.

“Boys must stand for something, it's what youth is for,” Jiang Fengmian replied with good humour, before gesturing toward Meng Yao. “Come here, boy. Let's see what all the fuss is about.”

“Jiang zongzhu, you're not serious!” Huang Quiling exploded. “That boy is just...”

“I'm only curious. If his proximity is intolerable, then perhaps you might help my son check those manuals to see if they are real or fake. Jiang Cheng, help Huang zongzhu while we deal with this side of the problem.”

Huang Quiling went pale from rage at being ordered around in that manner, but with Yunmeng Jiang the larger and more respectable sect, he still obeyed. He stomped toward the merchant's stall in a manner Lan Xichen found lacking in the dignity to be expected of a sect leader. Meng Yao, for his part, hesitated to obey Jiang Fengmian's order until Jiang Cheng pushed him forward. Huang Quiling radiated hatred when Meng Yao passed by him on his way to the other sect leaders. He looked as if he might have tried something, or said some other insults, but Meng Yao wisely made sure to leave as much space as possible between the two of them, which wasn't easy in a crowded market street.

“Come closer, child,” Jiang Fengmian requested when Meng Yao hesitantly stopped a few steps away from him. “I am going to put my hand on you to check your meridians. It might feel a little odd... but if my son tested you, you know that already, hm?”

Meng Yao nervously nodded glancing back toward his mother who smiled encouragingly. He only shivered a little when Jiang Fengmian put one hand over his heart, and even less so when Lan Qiren did the same after being invited to do so by Jiang Fengmian.

“I suppose the children have a point,” Lan Qiren conceded, his expression turning somewhat warmer. “How old are you, boy?”

“I'm sixteen, Lan-xiansheng.”

Instantly, Lan Qiren's expression darkened again.

“Too old then. If you'd been two or three years younger... and even then it would have been difficult. It's best to start young.”

Meng Yao's shoulders slumped down at the news, while all of Lan Xichen's hopes were crushed. He knew that his sect preferred younger disciples, though he suspected it had less to do with actual cultivation, and more with the fact that children took to discipline better than teenagers. Still, he had hoped that Meng Yao, with his potential... but Lan Qiren's word was final in these matters, with only their sect leader having a right to contradict him. Meng Yao couldn't be brought into Gusu Lan.

Which meant another option would have to be considered.

With dread curling in his guts and a choking sensation tightening his throat, Lan Xichen looked at Nie Huaisang still half hidden behind Meng Shi, and found the other boy staring right back at him. Nie Huaisang no longer appeared as furious at him as he had been before, but that might have been because he was preparing his own move, ready to ruin all of Lan Xichen's efforts. Nie Huaisang opened his mouth, surely to offer again that Meng Yao be sent to Qinghe, but missed his chance to speak.

“Yunmeng Jiang has never looked down on older disciples,” Jiang Fengmian said with a pleasant smile. “It can be a challenge to learn cultivation with a late start, but anyone who cannot take a challenge has no place teaching in the Lotus Pier. Sixteen... it could be worse. One of my own shidi was in his thirties when he joined us, and still did well enough for himself.”

Lan Xichen shivered, his body tensing further at this proposition.

Perhaps it was because he knew already, but the resemblance between Meng Yao and his father, between him and his half-brother also, was quite striking to him. It was possible that Jiang Fengmian hadn’t noticed, but unlikely when he often dealt with Jin Guangshan. Even if he really saw nothing, his wife was well known to be a very close friend to Madam Jin. There was no way Madam Yu wouldn’t notice that their newest disciple resembled Jin Guangshan, and since she was said to be a tyrant and the true ruler of Yunmeng Jiang…

“Are you sure this is wise?” Lan Qiren asked. “Even if that boy can be taught, his family…”

“His mother taught him well enough that he would take the defence of a stranger even in a fight he couldn’t win,” Jiang Fengmian said. “Or so your nephew said before. A good heart is what matters.”

“But half of Yunping City could be his father,” Huang Quiling argued, who'd paid more attention to their conversation than to the cultivation manuals he was meant to inspect. “From the lowest beggar to any drunk merchant with too much money to waste.”

“His father is a cultivator,” Meng Shi said, striding to come at her son's side. “He said he would return for A-Yao, but…” She glanced at Nie Huaisang who had followed her to hide again behind her. He had shared so much gossip earlier, it would have been hard for her to keep her hopes up. She sighed. “I only want for my son to live up to his potential. If he can be a cultivator, then that’s... good enough.”

“Is your son under any contractual obligation?” Jiang Fengmian asked.

“He's not,” Meng Shi vehemently decried. “He's free.”

“That will make things easier. If that is fine with you, I will accompany you two to your place of residence. We can talk about certain details while your son packs, and then he will come to Yunmeng with me. Would that satisfy you?”

Meng Shi, speechless, could only bow deeply before her son's new master. Meng Yao did the same a few times, before hugging his mother, both of them too stunned by this good fortune to even smile. As they held each other's hands tightly, Jiang Fengmian gave his son a few things to do while he was busy.

Huang Quiling too appeared quite stunned by this turn of events, and a good deal less pleased than the Mengs, but he wisely kept quiet about it. Lan Qiren's refusal to teach Meng Yao on account of his age would save Huang Quiling some face, since he could now pretend he had the same issue, but it wouldn't surprise Lan Xichen is the relationship because Yunmeng Jiang and Yunping Huang remained tense for a while.

Lan Xichen couldn't quite feel sorry for it. He didn't like people who thought they were allowed to be rude to their inferiors, and hoped that sect leader Huang would learn something from this experience.

Then, having given his son instructions, Jiang Fengmian walked back to Lan Qiren to bid him goodbye, explaining he expected his schedule for the day to be so changed that they might as well separate for good right then. Lan Qiren agreed, but frowned as he glanced toward Meng Yao.

“That boy's father, with his looks...” he said in a voice low enough the Mengs might not hear, but still clear enough for a cultivator's ears.

Eavesdropping was forbidden, but Lan Xichen found he couldn't help himself. Neither could Nie Huaisang, who leaned toward the two men to hear better.

“Probably. I'll have his mother confirm it,” Jiang Fengmian said in a similar tone. “but it won't change things. Even if my wife doesn't like it, I would be a fool to pass a chance to teach a boy of such potential. And Jin zongzhu would never admit any relation, so it'll all be fine.”

Lan Xichen let out a deep breath, relieved that things had worked out so well after all. He would have preferred to have Meng Yao in the Cloud Recesses, where he could have watched him closely and made sure he didn't go again down the same path as before, but the Lotus Pier wasn't an awful option either. They'd managed to turn someone like Wei Wuxian into an honest enough man, so they might know how to deal with Meng Yao as well.

Even when Lan Qiren reminded his nephew and Nie Huaisang that they would both be harshly punished for their bad behaviour, Lan Xichen found that he didn't mind, not when there was a good chance they had saved Nie Mingjue's life.

#xisang #nie huaisang #lan xichen #jin guangyao #mo dao zu shi #mdzs #jau writes #double time travel #I am... finally done with Yunping City...#This took so much longer than I wanted it to take...

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on-maars · 3 years

Text

I’ve never had a home (until you came around)

So I wrote a fic, it’s long so maybe you’ll be more comfortable reading it on ao3

Thank you @cyllaeth for being patient enough to re-read the whole thing (and also for being available 24/7 to freak out over these two)

It’s a quiet day. The station is silent and Buck is spread out on the couch, a book in his hand. A mystery book. Chimney recommended it to him the other day but Buck’s never been a big reader, for as long as he can remember. He finds it too hard, to stay focused and stay still for several hours in a row. He needs action. He needs to move, stay busy and as much as he would love to finish this book so he can share his opinions with his friend, today is just not the day.

He’s been feeling restless, fidgety during the whole day and of course it had to happen during one of his most boring shifts. Not that Buck doesn’t appreciate the silence. He does. It actually feels nice to have some time to rest and relax, for a change. He even managed to take a nap in the beginning of the afternoon but now that his batteries are recharged, he’s desperately waiting for a call.

He sighs and tries to bring his attention back to his book but gives up after a few seconds. He’s been reading the same paragraph for more than twenty minutes and if you’d ask him, he would be incapable of telling you what’s the main plot of the book. He sees the words, he reads them but it’s like his brain can’t process a single thing.

He lets the book fall on the couch and sweeps the room with his eyes. There’s Chimney, seated at the kitchen’s table, still reading the same parenting book, a highlighter in his right hand. Hen, who seems as focused as his friend – if not more – her eyes squint in concentration as she writes some words on her notebook, most likely still revising for her big exam coming up. There’s Bobby quietly busying himself in the kitchen, preparing lunch for the whole team.

And then there’s Eddie. Eddie, sprawled on the other side of the sofa, looking at Buck with an amused expression on his face. Buck raises his eyebrows at him in confusion but his best-friend just shrugs his shoulders and looks away.

“I’m bored.” Buck sighs, defeated.

“Just read your damn book, Buckley.” Chimney says from where he’s seated. “I can hear you wriggling on the couch for the past ten minutes, you’re making me nervous.”

Buck rolls his eyes and throws a pillow at his face before taking his cellphone out of his jean’s pocket. There’s a message from Carla and a big smile breaks in on his face when his eyes fall on a picture of a (more than unstable) Lego house, accompanied by a small text.

“Bucky, I just built a new lego house!! (this is Christopher)”

“Looking good, superman!”

“God I love that kid so much.” Buck says, the words coming out of his mouth of their own accord. This earns him a confused look from Eddie who instantly straightens up when Buck lends him his phone, and it only takes a few seconds for a soft smile to appear on his friend’s face as well.

“He just answered.” Eddie adds, handing him his phone back to him.

“Can you come home this week-end so we can build the fire station together?”

“You got it!”

“You can come over on Sunday if you want.” Eddie offers and Buck only nods, mirroring his smile.

“You know I can’t say no to my favorite Diaz.” He answers.

“You’re spoiling him too much.” Eddie reproaches him while nudging him playfully. And Buck doesn’t feel that restless anymore. He feels good, warm, and tries very hard to think about anything else but the intimacy he’s suddenly sharing with his best-friend, whether it be the way their knees touch, the way Eddie’s hand feels on his wrist, his thumb tracing slow circles on his skin, or the way his own heart pound against his chest, so hard and so fast he feels it might explode.

That moment only lasts a few seconds. A couple of minutes, at most, until they all gathered around the table to share lunch. The atmosphere is calm, serene, but Buck’s head is spinning and he’s afraid. Afraid to look up and catch Eddie’s eyes, afraid to do something that can give him away, afraid to say something which may be deemed inappropriate. Because the truth is, when it comes to his best-friend, he doesn’t know what is appropriate and what isn’t anymore. Their relationship has always been very intimate, sure, but it feels to Buck that it has just reached another milestone.

That’s why he’s not prepared when Eddie says these next few words.

“I asked her out. Ana. She said yes.” He says, and Buck’s mind goes blank.

She said yes. Of course she did – he thinks. Who would say no? Who would say no to his kind, sweet, caring and stupidly hot best-friend? They’d be crazy not to – he wants to say, but once again his words get stuck in his throat and he just fakes a smile instead. Faking smiles to avoid any awkward conversations. He can do that. He’s been doing that for years.

“You did?” Hen asks, his eyebrows raised, seemingly surprised.

“That’s… That’s cool man. I guess.” Chimney adds, but the whole atmosphere has changed. It’s not calm anymore. It’s dense, heavy, filled with a sense of bitterness no-one dares to question. It’s common knowledge now that Buck is helplessly and desperately in love with his best-friend, it’s not a secret and Buck gave up on trying to hide it from his colleagues a long time ago. After all, he’s never been very good at keeping this kind of things to himself, never been very subtle, but Eddie is Eddie and Buck doesn’t know if his best-friend’s inability to see the signs comes from a place of denial or simple obliviousness, but what’s the point now? He’s moving on.

“Buck?” Eddie asks and Buck jumps with surprise. He looks up at his best-friend and smiles widely.

“That’s awesome man.” He says, and tries to muster all the confidence he can get, but that’s a wasted effort and his best-friend is already watching him with confusion. Confusion and worry.

“Are you okay?” He asks. And Buck wants to shake his head no. Because of course he isn’t, but what can he say? It’s too late, now. And so he just clears his throat and gets up, ignoring the way Hen looks at him with compassion. “I- I just need some air.” He says, turning around, but stops dead in his track when Eddie’s hand stops him from getting further by encircling his wrist, softly.

“Hey.” Eddie says and his voice is so soft Buck wants to scream. “You sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine. I just need- I just need some air.” He repeats, and rushes down the stairs.

He steps out of the station and keeps walking until he reaches a small bench. He sits down and takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself. He looks up at the sky, his eyes bright with tears he’s been trying to hold back for the past ten minutes.

“You’re okay, Buck?” Bobby asks from behind, and Buck quickly wipes his tears with the sleeve of his jacket, turning his head around to hide himself from his Captain.

“I’m fine.” He says. “I’m fine.”

“Hey, none of that with me, alright?” Bobby adds, and takes a seat next to him, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Why don’t you just tell him, kid?”

“I never thought I needed to.” Buck answers. And that’s probably the worst part. For a year now, he was convinced that him and Eddie were on the same page. There seemed to be a secret agreement between them and that was enough for Buck.

We’re not together officially but god forbids we date anyone else. That was the deal. Or so he thought. They were raising his son together. Buck was Christopher’s emergency contact, they were practically living together, the signs were there and they were clear. How could Eddie not see them?

“Maybe it’s time you use a more direct approach.”

“I’m not so sure how more direct I can be, Bobby. The guy’s just clueless. I’m pretty sure I could tell him I love him to his face and he would still find a way to make it sound completely platonic.”

Bobby huffs out a laugh. “You really do, don’t you? Love him, I mean.” He asks with a small smile. “I thought it was just a crush but it’s a lot more than that, isn’t it?”

Buck stares at Bobby for a few seconds, until he lowers his head with a sheepish smile.

“Of course it’s more than that.” He says. “Bobby, Christopher and Eddie… They’re it for me. There’ll never be anyone else, I mean it’s Eds, you know? He’s… He’s my soulmate.”

“Then don’t give up until it’s too late, alright?” Bobby answers, holding his gaze. “Cause trust me you still have time.”

Buck doesn’t answer anything and keeps his head down. They sit together for a while until the bell rings. And just like that, Buck puts his feelings aside and focuses on the task at hand.

---

It turns out Ana is great, and that’s probably the worst part now that Buck thinks about it. It would have been easier not to be on board with their relationship if she was inconsiderate, insensitive or straight-up rude. But no. She’s sweet, caring and nothing but kind to him and Buck doesn’t even find it in him to hate her. Eddie seems to love her a whole lot already and if his best-friend loves her, then he owes it to him to be happy for him, right? It only makes sense. What kind of friend would he be otherwise? What kind of friend would that make of him? A poor one, to say the least.

He’s seated at the table in Eddie’s kitchen, Christopher by his side. This one has been strangely quiet for the whole dinner and Buck wonders whether he missed out on something. He’s nibbling at his peas, his eyes fixed on his plate and his usual very cheerful demeanor has been replaced by a sullen one. His shoulders are slumped, but not by choice, Buck knows that kid well enough to see that something is bothering him, something so big he seems to struggle to carry the weight on his own.

“So Buck.” Ana starts and Buck looks up at her with a smile. “How did you two meet?”

“Oh uh we met at work.” He says, finding it weird that she doesn’t already know the answer to that question. “He was a new recruit.”

“He used to hate me.” Eddie says with a smile, nudging him playfully.

“Shut up, I didn’t hate you I was just feeling-”

“Threatened?” Eddie cuts him off, mocking him. Buck huffs out a laugh and cradles his chin with his right hand to make him look away. Because there’s really no need for his best-friend to notice how his cheeks start to redden now, is there?

“You think you’re so funny.” He adds.

“Bucky is dad’s best friend.” Christopher says out of the blue, holding his fork tight around his fingers, his eyes fixed on Ana.

“I thought I was yours!” Buck exclaims, faking being hurt by pressing his hand over his mouth in shock. This earns him a small laugh from Christopher who vigorously nods.

“Well his second best-friend, then.” He corrects himself. “And they love each other very much.” He adds, firmly, almost as if he’s trying to prove a point. Buck frowns for a few seconds but eventually nods at him, making sure Christopher knows he agrees with him on every point.

“We’re all very close.” Buck adds, conversationally.

“The 118 really is like a big family, isn’t it?” Ana asks. “Edmundo talks a lot about you guys.”

Edmundo. That may be the only thing Buck doesn’t like about her and from the way Eddie flinches next to him, he suspects he’s not the only one. He only hums approvingly and lets his eyes fall on his best-friend. He finds it weird, how Eddie acts around Ana. He finds it weird and unsettling. And at first, Buck only thought it was because he was meeting her for the first time and Eddie really wanted both of them to get along. Which made sense. They were best-friends after all, and Buck would probably feel the same way if he was in his shoes.

But now that he takes a closer look at him, Buck realizes that it’s not it. Eddie looks doubtful, hesitant, unsure, almost as if he’s dancing to another tune. He smiles and laughs and acts the same but something just feels off, wrong. It’s like he’s there but not quite, like his brain is working too fast and he has trouble catching up. His gestures lack of confidence, Buck can sometimes see him trying to reach out to Ana but his hand often stops midway, stays motionless for a few seconds until Eddie brings it back on his thigh, biting his lower lip. And Buck gets the willingness to impress the other person and makes sure that everything goes well, but it’s like Eddie is playing a character and that, Buck can’t get behind.

Ana is talking about her role as a vice-principal and Buck is only half-listening, not because the conversation isn’t interesting but because he’s too deep into his thoughts to focus on what she’s saying.

“Dad?” Christopher asks after a while, the slice of prune pie still left untouched on his plate. “Can I go back to my room?”

“Try and eat a bit before, alright?”

“I’m not hungry.” Christopher answers, and Buck holds back a smile when Eddie watches his son with a knowing look. You’re still hungry, you just don’t like the pie Ms Flores baked, don’t try to fool me. That’s what Eddie’s saying; Buck has become an expert in knowing how to understand non-verbal communication between the Diaz boys throughout the years and this time isn’t any different.

“Fine I just don’t like it, it’s gross.” Christopher says, his voice indifferent.

“Christopher!” Eddie exclaims, pointing the finger at him.

“I’m going to my room.” He repeats, getting up and leaving the kitchen without looking back. A heavy silence slowly settles in the kitchen and Buck wastes no time to get up as well.

“I’m gonna check up on him.” He says, placing a comforting hand on Eddie’s shoulder, not missing the way all the tension seems to melt away from his body at the touch.

Buck stands up and lets his hand linger a bit more on Eddie’s back, leaving the kitchen with a sigh. When he gets to Christopher’s room, this one is seated on the ground, his back facing him. A few books are lying around next to him and a whole box of Legos has been spilled on the carpet. Buck takes a few steps forward and knocks on the door a few times, smiling at him when Christopher looks up.

“Hey, is it okay if I come in?” He asks, waiting for Christopher to nod to sit down cross-legged next to him, leaning his back on the bed. “You okay in there, buddy?”

“No.” Christopher’s voice is low and filled with an animosity Buck’s not used to hear.

“What’s going on?”

“I don’t like her.” He says, and Buck frowns.

"You don’t like Ms Flores?” He asks, and Christopher nods again, sticking two Legos bricks together. “Why? I thought she was your favorite teacher, back then.”

“She was. I like her as a teacher, not as dad’s girlfriend.” He says. “I don’t understand why she needs to be around all the time. I like it better when it’s just the three of us.”

“I like that too buddy but your dad and her like each other very much, you know? That’s why they’re spending so much time together. But I’m always going to be around, okay? The thing we have, the three of us? It’s not going to go away. I promise. I’ll always be there.” He explains, but from the way Christopher bites his lower lip and keeps his head down, he can see he’s still unsure.

“But I don’t think she makes dad happy, Buck.” He adds.

“You don’t?”

“No. Not as much as you do. He’s always so happy when you’re here. You make him smile, and laugh. I like him better when he’s with you. When he’s with her, he’s weird. He doesn’t act the same way, I don’t like it. And she always uses complicated words and the conversations are boring and she never plays with me. And she doesn’t know how to do the voices when she’s reading a story. You’re the only one who knows how to do it.”

Buck sighs and runs one of his hands through his hair, not knowing how to extricate himself from that situation without giving himself away. Because Christopher might be a kid but he’s far from being stupid, or naive.

“You tried telling what you just told me to your dad?” He tries.

“Why can’t you just be the one who stays?” Christopher asks and ignores his question. “I don’t understand why you can’t be the one who stays.” He repeats and his voice is louder than it was a few seconds ago. “We don’t need her with us, we need you.”

“Chris, your dad and I… We’re best friends. We’re best-friends and we like each other very much but sometimes… Sometimes, a person needs more. Sometimes, it’s not enough.” He says, closing his eyes to try and stay focused.

“But you’re enough!” Christopher says. “You are and I know dad thinks the same. He loves you.”

“He told you that?”

“He doesn’t need to, I just know.” Christopher shrugs his shoulders. “He’s more like himself when he’s with you. He’s smiling and laughing and he’s always looking at you the same way he used to look at mom when she was still around. He doesn’t look at her like this. He never did. And I hope he never does.” He adds and Buck lowers his head down, cursing himself mentally.

“Listen Chris, me and your dad, we… We can’t have what your mom and dad used to have.”

“Why?” He asks, confusion clearly shown on his face.

“Well, because I’m a man and-”

“But if he’s looking at you the same way he used to look at mom, why does it matter if you’re a man or not? My friend Amy at school, she has two dads. I know it’s possible, and you love my dad. I know you do.”

“I-” Buck tries but his words get stuck in his throat once again, and he never thought a nine-year-old kid would manage to back him into a corner like that and yet here he is. “It’s – It’s complicated, buddie.”

“It’s not. It’s only complicated because you’re an adult and adults always like to say that everything is complicated when they don’t want to explain stuff to kids. But it’s not. It’s easy. You’re always looking at him. When you come for the movie nights, you’re always the one who make dinner for us because we love your cooking. You hug him every time you leave our house and you do the same things with me that mom used to do. You’re helping me with my homework, you’re telling me a story every time I go to bed and you’re always making me feel better when I’m sad.”

“When did you become so smart?” Buck asks, wiping his tears with the back of his hand.

“So you do love him.” Christopher says. “You love my dad.” He adds, placing one of his hands on Buck’s cheek.

“I didn’t say that.”

“Yes but you said I was smart. If you think I’m smart, then it means I’m right. You love my dad.”

Buck huffs out a laugh and smiles when Christopher wraps both of his arms around his neck.

“If you love him, you should tell him.” He says. “Carla always tells me that if you love someone, then you should tell them.”

“And I should listen to Carla, right?” Buck asks.

“You should always listen to Carla.” Christopher rectifies. “That’s what my dad says.”

“Alright then.” He answers, tousling his hair. “Then I’ll try. I promise.”

“Don’t worry. I won’t tell him anything.”

–--

When Buck gets back to the living-room, Ana is gone and Eddie is back to his usual self. Disheveled hair, his sleeves rolled up and the few first buttons of his shirt unbuttoned. His posture is more relaxed and natural, the tension has disappeared from his shoulders and it’s like he’s breathing again.

He’s clearing the table and Buck joins him, wiping the plates and the silverware while Eddie handles the washing part.

“Ana left?”

“She did, I- I kinda asked her to, I wanted to make sure Christopher’s okay.” Eddie says, his voice filled with worry. “He doesn’t like her very much, does he?”

“It’s- It’s not that.” Buck says, trying to figure out what’s the best way to act right now. “He’s just… He’s just adjusting, Eds, and- you don’t need to rush into this, you know?”

“You think I’m rushing into this?” Eddie asks, looking up at him in search of reassurance.

Buck sighs and looks down at the plate in his hands, wondering what to say. Telling him the truth is not an option, at least not right now. He can see his best-friend’s head is filled with unanswered questions and doubts and the last thing Buck wants is to give him another reason to panic and overthink, and saying I’m in love with you and I really wish you would stop trying so hard to play a role that doesn’t look anything like you when you’re with her because it’s making me everyone uncomfortable is probably not the way to go.

“Maybe?” Buck says, carefully.

“Buck.” Eddie starts, exasperated. “Straight to the point, please?”

“Look, I… I just don’t understand what you’re trying to prove, here.” He answers, placing the dried plate in the cupboard.

“I’m not trying to prove anything, but Bobby told me I should start taking advantages of the opportunities that are right in front of me and that’s what I’m doing. I’m dating Ana. She’s nice. I like her.”

“Who are you trying to convince here, me or yourself?” Buck asks. “He really said that? Bobby, I mean? And you think he was talking about Ana?”

“Well if not her, who else? She was right in front of me during that call.”

Buck huffs out a laugh and shakes his head, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers. It’s like the universe is screaming at you. And you refuse to listen. That’s what he said to him that day and Buck has to refrain himself from repeating these exact same words.

“Listen Eds. All I’m saying is that you don’t need to pretend to be someone that you’re not when you’re with her. You shouldn’t have to do that for a relationship to work. And I get it. I do. I get the will to impress her but that’s not what this is about here, Eds.” He says. “Christopher sees it too, you know.”

Eddie whirls his head around. “He said that to you?”

“Not in these actual words.” Buck precises. “But that was the overall idea, I think.” He adds. “It’s a big change for him, I guess he just needs time to… To adjust.”

“Should I go talk to him?” Eddie asks and that’s just another thing that makes Buck want to scream. The way Eddie always comes to him for parental advice as if Buck’s as involved in raising Christopher as he is, as if Buck is as entitled as he is to take decisions concerning Christopher’s well being. It makes him hope for something bigger, makes him hope for something greater, makes him hope for something he knows he can’t have.

“I don’t know Eds.” He still says after a while. “He probably needs some time alone.”

“Alright.” Eddie agrees, leaning against the kitchen counter, the dish towel placed on his right shoulder. “Thanks.”

“Well I should probably head back.” Buck says with a smile. “I’m pretty tired and it’s a big shift tomorrow.”

“Drive safe.” Eddie answers and wraps his arms around his back to bring him closer. Buck rests his chin on his right shoulder and closes his eyes for a few seconds, sighing in relief. Because as much as he would like for them to stop being so intimate, a part of him is simply always going to be drawn to him, and when Eddie moves his hand from his back to his neck, letting his fingers play with the roots of his hair, Buck is pretty sure the universe is ganging up against him.

---

It starts slowly, so slowly Buck doesn’t really think anything of it, at first. After all, it’s only texts. Texts that Eddie doesn’t answer to, texts that Eddie ignores. It’s nothing much, nothing worth arguing over and the last thing Buck wants is to sound possessive or excessive, and so he says nothing.

But then days turn into weeks and it’s just not texts anymore, it’s calls that are ignored, movie nights that are canceled and Buck tries to stay calm, he tries very hard to stay calm and clear-headed but he can’t shake off the feeling that he’s being left out from what used to be his safe place. And that’s something Buck could have handled, that’s something Buck could have faced but what’s intolerable for him is that he promised Christopher that things would never change, that he wouldn’t go away, and yet that’s exactly what’s happening. And Buck hates himself for it.

“It’s not gonna last.” Hen says one day when they’re both seated at the kitchen’s table inside the fire station. They had shared a lunch together and Eddie had taken the opportunity to formally introduce Ana to the team. Nothing quite out of the ordinary – Buck thinks, if it isn’t for the fact that once again, Eddie didn’t look like himself the whole time Ana was there. “I mean don’t get me wrong Ana’s awesome but that’s just not gonna last.” She repeats, once Eddie left the station to walk Ana back to her car.

“Ditto.” Chimney only says as he’s taking a seat next to them. “There’s no chemistry there, trust me.”

“So it’s like that, now?” Buck asks with a knowing smile. “You have a kid and all of a sudden you’re an expert in loving relationships?”

“You really don’t need to be an expert to see that it’s not gonna work.” Hen intervenes. “What are your thoughts, Cap?”

“If this is something Eddie wants to pursue then we should trust his judgment.” Bobby says carefully but the hesitant expression on his face says otherwise.

“But?” Hen asks. “We get it you’re nice but tell us what you really think.”

“Well let’s just say when I told Eddie to take advantage of the opportunities that were right in front of him, I didn’t necessarily mean Ana.” He admits, his eyes on Buck.

Buck shrugs his shoulders and looks down with a sad smile. “Yeah no offense but I don’t think he got that part, Cap.”

“He will.” Bobby affirms.

“Yeah I’m not so sure about that.” Buck contradicts him. “She’s already more around than me and I- Look I promised Christopher I wouldn’t go anywhere cause he’s freaking out about the whole thing but this is exactly what’s happening right now. He’s moving on. And there’s no place for me there anymore, which – you know – it’s fine. I should have seen this coming. But it still hurts, and I don’t mind me hurting but I know Christopher’s hurting as well and that I- I can’t stand it, Cap. I just can’t.”

“Then tell him, Buck.” Bobby advises. “Tell Eddie.”

“Tell me what?” Eddie says from behind. Buck whirls his head around but it doesn’t seem like Eddie heard more than that and he lets out a relieved sigh.

“I just-” Buck stops mid-sentence and only goes on when Hen sends him an encouraging smile. “I was just wondering if we could do something with Christopher someday. It’s been a while and… Well I miss the kid.” He adds and Eddie’s face instantly softens.

“Of course we can. You have anything in mind?”

“Well there’s this space museum not far from here. It’s still a one hour drive but you know I- I figured we could give it a try.” Eddie smiles and instantly nods, taking his phone from his back pocket.

“Great. I’ll ask Ana if she’s down for it.”

As soon as these few words are out in the open, a heavy silence settles in the room. Buck bites his lower lip and looks down at his feet with a sigh, Chimney snorts and Hen lifts her hand to her forehead in embarrassment.

“… Or not.” Eddie says after he reads the room, putting his phone down on the table. “Just the three of us?” He asks and Buck looks up at him with a hopeful expression.

“If that’s okay.”

“Of course it’s okay Buck, I-” Eddie starts and sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers. “God, I’ve been an ass, haven’t I?”

Buck dismisses it with a hand’s gesture. “It’s okay.”

“No it’s not.” Eddie says, shaking his head. “It’s not and I’m sorry.” He adds. “Can you… Can you guys give us a moment?” He asks, and Hen instantly gets up and gestures at Chimney to do the same. When Buck turns his head, they’re both gone and Bobby is already seated in his office, probably busy with some paperwork. He’s alone with Eddie. “Alright I’m listening.”

“Listening to what?” Buck asks him, confused.

“Listening to you telling me how much I fucked up as a friend.”

“You didn’t fuck u-”

“Buck.” Eddie cuts him off, firmly resolved to hear what’s on Buck’s mind. Buck holds his gaze for a few seconds, looking for a way out, but looks down and sighs in defeat.

“Eddie it’s fine.” He says. “You were probably busy with Ana and I know what it’s like to have the impression that your life only resolved around the other person at first, it’s- As I said. It’s fine. And you know I probably should have seen thi-”

“No.” Eddie cuts in again, placing one of his hands on Buck’s shoulder. “You’re not getting out of that one by blaming yourself, okay? Now tell me. What did I do wrong?”

“You ignored my texts.” Buck says, shrugging his shoulders like it’s not a big deal but Eddie keeps staring at him and encouraging him to say more and what the hell? - Buck thinks. His best-friend is the one looking for confrontation here and he’d be damned if he didn’t take the opportunity to get it all of his chest. “You ignored my calls.” He adds. “You canceled movie nights two times because you had plans with Ana – which is fine cause you’re allowed to do that but damn Eddie, Christopher made me promise that I wouldn’t go anywhere, he made me promise that things wouldn’t change if you started dating Ana and look at us, now. I’m barely coming over to your house anymore. It’s been one week and a half since I last saw him and you know damn well that I love this kid like he was my own and I hate myself for letting him go through that.”

“What else?” Eddie asks, his eyes already bright with tears.

“You shut me out, Eddie.” Buck answers, looking up at him, his eyes filled with a determination that scares him. “You shut me out.” He repeats but slower, this time.

“And how did that make you feel?”

“Lonely.” Buck answers honestly. “Angry. Sad. Confused. But mostly lonely.”

“Why is that?” Eddie asks and Buck huffs out a laugh, looking up at him incredulously.

“What do you think?” He answers and his tone comes out harsher than he intended and Eddie looks up at him in surprise. “I’ve never had a home, Eddie.” He adds, and his voice breaks. “I’ve never had a home until you came around. Even with my parents I felt like a stranger in my own house. And I know I said that the 118 has always felt like a family to me and I mean it but you and Chris? You gave me a home, Eds.” Buck says. "I mean I- I love you, alright?”

“And we love you too.” Eddie answers, cupping his cheeks with his hands. “We do, and you’re always going to be a part of this family, okay? I promise. I’m sorry I acted like a jerk.” He adds, bringing his lips to his forehead and Buck swears he can feel his heart cracked open at the touch. “Listen I promised Ana I would get dinner with her tonight but how do you feel about spending some time with Christopher?”

“I’d like that.” Buck says with a smile.

“I promise I won’t be long” Eddie adds. “And tomorrow we can go to that space museum. Just the three of us. Deal?”

“Deal.”

---

When Eddie goes back home after their shit, he has to witness Buck breaking down in tears and hugging Christopher close to his chest. Christopher had his eyes closed and from the way he’s clinging on to Buck, there is no doubt in Eddie’s mind that Buck’s absence had left a large void in his son’s life. And his heart breaks at the sight.

Bucky you’re home – Christopher had said to him, his chin rested on his right shoulder.

You’re home – Eddie repeats quietly to himself as he makes his way over to Ana’s house. He knocks on the door a few times and smiles at her when she opens it, taking a step to the side to let him in. She guides him to the couch and immediately starts to talk about his day as a vice-principal, which is usually something Eddie would try and listen with the greatest attention, but not today. Not today. Today, Christopher and Buck’s words are being played over and over again in his head and Eddie’s mind is a thousand miles away from that room.

Bucky you’re home.

I’ve never had a home until you came around.

You and Chris? You gave me a home, Eds.

I’m not home – Eddie suddenly thinks to himself.

“I’m sorry?” Ana asks, confused and Eddie whirls his head around when he realizes he just said those words out loud. “You’re not home?”

And suddenly, everything makes sense.

Home. It became such a strange concept for Eddie along the years. A constant evolution. In the first few years of his life, home was wherever his parents were. His childhood house, a cabin in the mountains during Christmas’ holiday, a tent in the middle of the forest. It didn’t matter where he was, as long as he was there with his parents, and his sisters.

And then he met Shannon and suddenly the word ‘home’ wasn’t only resolving around his parents and his sisters anymore. It became a bit larger to include her and then Christopher. His son was already his whole world back then and Eddie would have done anything for him.

But then Afghanistan happened and his life in Texas started to be tainted by arguments and harsh words. And so Eddie fled, convincing himself that maybe the army could become his new home. But god, was he wrong, and he quickly was hit by the realization that he would never really be home if Christopher wasn’t by his side.

And sure he considers the 118 as his family but his home? His home is with Christopher.

Eddie doesn’t really know when Buck first entered into the equation.

Maybe it’s when he first met Chris and that these two instantly hit it off. Maybe it’s when Buckley-Diaz movie nights became a thing. Maybe it’s when Buck helped him build a skateboard for his son or maybe it’s when he saved him from a tsunami.

Maybe it’s a combination of all these examples and a thousand more, and to be perfectly honest Eddie doesn’t really care because Buck is there now and he doesn’t want him going anywhere.

After all, people always say that home is where the heart is.

And Eddie’s heart? Eddie’s heart is with Buck. With Christopher first, but then Buck.

So no. “I’m not home.” Eddie repeats, his eyes lowered to the ground. “I – I’m sorry Ana but I – I can’t do this anymore. Us. It’s not going to work. I wanted it to work and I thought it would but it won’t. I’m sorry.”

“Edmundo.” Ana sighs, placing her hand on his thigh.

“Eddie.” He answers. “It’s Eddie. Not Edmundo.” He adds. “I really am sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong. Hell, you’ve almost been perfect but-”

“But I can’t compete with him.” She finishes for him and Eddie whirls his head around, his eyes wide.

“How can you- you’ve only seen him twice.”

“Then it must really says a lot about what he feels about you.” Ana answers, smiling sadly. "He looks at you like you’re his whole world. And sometimes, you’re looking at him the exact same way.”

Eddie pinches the bridge of his nose and looks down, sighing. “I’m sorry.” He repeats. “I’m sorry I swear I didn’t mean to lead you on, I really thought I was doing the right thing. But I wasn’t, and to be perfectly honest with you, Ana, I haven’t – I haven’t really been myself around you. You make me nervous all the time and I feel like – I feel like I have to become someone else when I’m with you. At first I thought it was just the nerves of starting a new relationship but… But weeks passed and it’s still there. I’m trying too hard and I’m not sure – I’m not sure it’s the right way to go.” He admits. “With him, it’s easy. It’s always been easy and maybe that’s the problem. It’s always been so easy that I – that I never took the time to wonder if there was something more going on.”

“And there is?” Ana smiles at him and this time it’s not sad, it’s sincere, honest.

“I think so.” Eddie admits, huffing out a laugh. “Yeah. Yeah, of course there is. Definitely.”

“Then you should go tell him that.” Ana answers.

“I can stay.” Eddie instantly says. “We had planned this for a while and I”

“You want to be with him.” She cuts him off. “Edm – Eddie. I love you. But if your happiness lies with him then I’m not going to put myself between you and him. Go.” She adds, and seems taken aback when Eddie wraps his arms around her back. She rests her chin on his shoulder and lets herself enjoy the intimacy.

“We can finish that conversation anytime, alright?” Eddie says, standing up. “We could get a coffee next week and get everything off our chests once and for all. How does that sound?”

“That sounds good.” Ana smiles.

Eddie waves at her one last time and rushes out of the house. He steps in his truck and starts driving. His head is spinning and his heart is pounding against his chest but he’s never been so sure of anything in his life. This is what’s been missing. This is what’s been missing all these years. Buck. The missing part of the puzzle.

Eddie parks next to Buck’s car and stays motionless for a while before feeling brave enough to get out of his truck and walks towards his house. He stops at the front door and closes his eyes, only for a few seconds. He takes a deep breath and lowers the handle. He steps in and here he is. Buck. His best-friend is standing up behind the kitchen’s counter, seemingly busing preparing pizza dough.

It’s only when Eddie closes the door behind him that Buck looks up at him, his brows furrowed in confusion. “Eddie?” He asks. “I thought you had a date night with Ana.”

“I did.” Eddie says with a smile. He takes a few steps towards him. “I cut it short.”

“Why?” Buck is still frowning but Eddie can note a slight glimmer of hope crossing his eyes.

“She wasn’t the person I wanted to spend the evening with.” Eddie only says and before he knows it, he’s pressing Buck against the fridge, capturing his mouth in a hungry kiss. His left hand cradles his chin and he places the other on the back of his neck. A startled noise comes out of Buck’s mouth but it only takes him a few seconds to kiss him back with just as much passion, his thumbs on his cheeks and the rest of his fingers running through his hair. Eddie smiles against his lips and moves his hands from his face to his waist, bringing him closer.

When they break apart, Buck’s hair is disheveled, his cheeks red and his lips swollen and Eddie huffs out a small laugh, his right hand grabbing onto his shirt tight, his eyes closed.

“God I’ve been so stup-”

“Shut up.” Buck cuts him off by pressing their lips together another time. The kiss is gentler this time, slower, and when Buck pulls at his hair a bit, Eddie can’t stop a small whimper from slipping out past his lips. “Wait.” Buck says, pushing him a little by placing his hand on his chest. “What about Ana?”

“I broke up with her.” Eddie instantly says, chasing his lips another time but Buck is faster and stops him from doing so by changing their positions and being the one having him pressed against the fridge.

“Why?” Buck asks.

“Because I’m in love with you.” Eddie answers so simply and that seems to be enough for Buck who lashes forward and crashes their lips together and Eddie would lie if he said he didn’t like being pressed against the fridge like that. He moves his mouth from Buck’s lips to his jaw, his neck, but stops dead in his track when a voice resonates from behind.

“You did it.” Christopher says and they jump away from each other, getting the creases out of their shirts in embarrassment. Eddie’s eyes fall on Christopher but his son only has eyes for Buck. “You told him.” He adds and a large smile breaks in on his face.

“I did.” Buck answers and huffs out a laugh when Christopher comes to him and wraps his arms around his legs. He takes him in his arms and hugs him, his eyes still fixed on Eddie.

I’ll explain later – Buck mouths to him silently with a smile.

Eddie only nods and his face softens when Christopher buries his face in the crook of Buck’s neck. It only lasts a few seconds, though, and when his son’s eyes fall on him, a small laugh escapes his lips.

“Dad, you have flour all over your hair.” He says, and Eddie runs his hands in his curls, smiling when the white powder falls on the flour. Buck looks up at him and smiles apologetically at him but Eddie dismisses it with a hand’s gesture and wraps his arms around the both of them. He sighs in relief and breathes in the scent of Buck’s after shave and Christopher’s shampoo and thinks to himself:

This is exactly where I want to be.

“Welcome back home, Buck.”

#buddie #9-1-1 #buddie fic #911 #my writing #evan buckley #eddie diaz

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yan-twst · 4 years

Note

Hi! Would you be alright with writing a HC with dorm leaders, when MC vents to them, sharing their fear for the future? Things like "I am able to return home? And if I regret returning?" or "If I don't get back, how will I survive here? What will I be after I graduate?", etc. Thank you and sorry for my English TwT

riddle rosehearts

riddle will hear his darling out, let them talk as much as they need

he can see why they’re so worried- crowley seems to make no progress on sending them back home, yet promises that it’ll happen, they’re considered half a student and no word on how their graduation would work has been spoken...

he feels a bit helpless- he desperately wishes he had the answers to his darling’s questions to help them calm down, but he doesn’t. there’s no clear cut answer for those questions and he knows it

all he can do is comfort them and promise them that he’ll guide them trough all he can- if they return home, he’s sure they’ll build an amazing life for themselves. if they stay, he’ll help them stand on their own two feet- he can’t promise that it’ll all be easy, but he can promise he’ll do his best to help

riddle’s entire childhood was spent in a rigid schedule, a direct paved way to a future that had already been planned out for him. while it was suffocating, it at least gave him an idea of what as to come; on the contrary, his darling’s future is nebulous, clouded and ever-changing... he can’t imagine how stressful it is for them

he’ll suggest attaching to a routine- sure, it won’t really fix anything in the big scheme, but... it’s the best advice he has; a routine can be grounding, something to at least let his darling feel like there’s a sense of familiarity in the passing days. it’s something he does himself: he hopes he can at least help his darling a little

leona kingscholar

leona worries over his darling, although he tries to not appear overly preoccupied while his darling talks. he doesn’t want them to feel like they are making him worry too much, or for them to stop talking. it’s good that they’re talking instead of bottling it up- he doesn’t want to make them stop

leona has long since given up on the only future he’d imagined- being the king- and he’s just living lazily, seeing where the flow takes him. he realizes he probably isn’t the best person to give advice, but... damnit, he’s not just gonna let his darling go back to living with all those anxieties inside of them

the future... well, it’s scary for everyone, but more for them, huh? he reminds them that, even if their memories from back home haven’t returned to them, that their life is their own; no matter what world they may return, they’ve already proved themselves to be an outstanding individual. and if they stay? if crowley can’t figure out how to let them return? then he’ll guide them through this world

he may feel useless as a second prince, but... well, he’s a prince- he can help them live a comfortable life, he can help them further their education at a school much more useful for a non-magic person... he makes it quite clear that as long as he has a say in it, their future isn’t something they must stress over

leona lives life as it goes by, rarely worrying over things to come; he knows that asking his darling to do that would be rather insensitive, considering their situation, but... hey, it’ll be ok- there, just nap with him... what comes tomorrow comes tomorrow; he’ll be there to do all he can, so there’s no point in overthinking it

azul ashengrotto

hearing his darling’s anxieties, their fears for the future... azul may not appear to be a very empathetic person, but it brings a tear to his eye; his darling, who’s been so strong for so long, who’s helped others... all while holding those worries...

just like he’s let down his walls and pretenses around them, he’ll encourage them to just let it all out; all their worries, their fears, voice them. he doesn’t think it’s “overreacting” or “exaggerating”- he knows how powerful and consuming dread can be

they’re scared and anxious, and he can see why- now, he wants to know how he can help. fearing regret from going home, fearing being here forever... he’ll do his best to express how strongly he believes his darling can thrive either way

the future is what they make of it, isn’t it? look at him- he was an useless crybaby octopus, and he’s come so far, hasn’t he? no matter what the future brings for his darling, he knows they can come out of it shining

of course, if for some reason they were to remain here in twisted wonderland, they have nothing to fear. he knows crowley will sort something out- he better- and it’s not like everyone has magic, there’s plenty of jobs and opportunities for people like them! they can count on azul’s charm and wit to open any door to any opportunity they may need; he swears he’ll do all he can to assure them a good life

kalim al-asim

kalim has rarely, if ever, worried over his future- it’s not as if he has his path set in stone, but... well, he lacks no resources to ruin his dreams, and he has a pretty good job set ahead as the heir of his family’s trading business. so hearing his darling vent their worries... he’s at a loss, at first

just because he’s a cheery and highly optimistic person doesn’t mean he doesn’t know how to listen or be understanding of problems he might not relate to. kalim is known to listen to students’ problems and comfort them- of course he’ll do the same for his beloved!

it’s a very complex situation, and he knows as much; is a return to their home even possible? do they want to return home having no memories of how it is, or would they rather throw that all away and remain here? he won’t bluff and act as if he knows what the correct answer is, but he’ll be sincere: whatever they end up choosing, they’ll probably have regrets... as well as a lot of joy!

also... well, he doesn’t know when his darling will even have to make that choice (crowley sure seems to take his sweet time even researching where they came from)- but... they don’t have to worry about that part of the future, either. kalim has no problem providing for whatever they need- a house? somewhere to further their education?

it’s not like he’s telling them to depend on him, although he has no problem with that: he just wants them to know he’s more than happy to help them stand on their own two feet so they can build a life for themselves!

vil schoenheit

when his darling begins to spill their worries, vil doesn’t even hesitate to break out the scented candles, massage creams, and expensive spa-day supplies. if his darling is going to lay their heart bare, he at least wants them to feel relaxed and safe

vil won’t pretend like the situation isn’t difficult, or sugarcoat anything. his darling is... probably the first person in all of twisted wonderland to be faced with such a difficult future, and that’s coming from a land where prophecies and magic exists

everything vil believes in is achieved through hard work; and he believes this is no different. while being able to return or not isn’t a card they can chose to play or not, if the time comes to chose, both options will require work. he’s 100% sure they can thrive in both their world and here- if they put in the work he knows they can

vil will emphasize how much potential his darling holds. can the future be uncertain and messy? oh, certainly. but no matter what life throws at them, they can stand strong and move forward. he knows they can

he’ll also make it quite clear that graduation won’t be the end of the world, even if crowley is gonna have to work overtime to figure out how to give an NRC graduation certificate to someone who can’t use magic. after all, not all fields of work NRC prepares them for are related to magic- for example, nothing stops them from being outstanding at alchemy or history, correct? there’s many jobs that might not even care about magic skills if their other skills are high

and... of course he’ll be there with them for as long as he can. while he can’t promise his help if they were to return to their world, he’ll be with them as much as possible- he himself has a pretty good future set ahead, and he knows he can easily incorporate his beloved into it

idia shroud

idia suffers from many anxieties himself- he knows how he’d like to be treated when he vents his worries, and so he treats his darling that way. a gentle listener, making sure they know he’s paying attention, but not interrupting

he’ll put his darling in an oversized hoodie and give them a warm drink to help calm their nerves- does it help? he just wants them to not feel overwhelmed, after dumping all their anxieties like that...

honestly, idia can’t even imagine what he’d do if he was in his darling’s place. they’re quite strong, to be dealing with all that stuff and still be so nice to others around them, huh?

he feels a bit bad; he... doesn’t have any sort of deep philosophical advice to help guide them down the right path, or any personal story to help calm them down- hell, he can’t even say they won’t regret anything because he knows he’d be lying, but...

... well, he knows his darling is capable of many things. wherever they go, wherever the fates bring them... if they continue being as they are, he knows they’ll be ok- they’ll be able to build a life to themselves. he has no doubt of this

he doesn’t want to make his darling feel like he’s telling them to be with him forever- you know, just in case they... end up returning to their home, but... he’s gonna inherit a pretty giant house back at home- so... if they were to stay... well, he thinks it’d be nice to live there with them; help them set up their life, find a job...

malleus draconia

malleus has seen empires be born and then die, kings rise to power and fall down- to him, the future isn’t a scary concept as much as it is just another reality of life. he feels like a constant in a moving world- a world that’s moving rapidly for his darling

their future... to malleus, it feels like it could happen at any moment: for his darling, a year is a long time, while for him, he’s lived through so many of them he’s almost lost count...

he fears he might not be the best person for this; ancient beings are supposed to be wise, but in this moment, he feels about as wise as a small child as he hugs his darling close and strokes their hair, comforting them as he can

to stay here, to go home... the question of if it’s even possible to return hanging in the air, the fear of regret and making the wrong choice... oh, child of man- there’s no wrong choice, he believes. the fact they ended up here is a mystery in itself: to do what their heart tells them in this scenario won’t betray them

don’t they know? they have the powerful malleus draconia by their side; anything he can do for them, he will. his power is no joke, either; whether it’s magical to aid in a return home, or just the fact he’s royalty and he can assure a good life for them... he’ll do anything for them and their happiness

#twst #twisted wonderland #riddle rosehearts #leona kingscholar #azul ashengrotto #kalim al asim #vil shcoenheit #idia shroud #malleus draconia #Anonymous

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jvnghxope · 4 years

Text

love sewn | final

final part;

◦ pairing: Jungkook | reader

◦ genre: boy next door au; fluff, angst

◦ word count: 9k

◦ warnings: angst, mentions of self-hatred, cheating, infidelity

◦ abstract: You’ve never cared about the thin-as-paper walls of your beloved apartment until Jeon Jungkook moved next door. You could hear everything –from his late-night parties on Saturday, to the quality time he spent with his girlfriend in the intimacy of his bedroom. One day, everything ceases. Days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months and you find yourself knocking his door before you can think it twice.

⇥ prologue | part one | part two | part three | final

◦ a/n: It took me a lot more than anticipated to edit it, but it is finally here! Thank you so much for all your love and support. I hope you have enjoyed this ride as much as I did.

A numb feeling spreads throughout your body as you stare dumbfounded to his cellphone.

You don't know if their conversation continues and you don't care. It's like your mind has shut down. You feel a giant knot inside your throat like you just swallowed a big-ass pill without water. This is awfully like that night two years ago and you feel the breath hitch in your throat.

“Hey," Jungkook says as he appears in the hallway, dressed in jeans and a naked torso as he slides inside a t-shirt. “I was thinking we could go to this park after breakfast. It has a majestic view and you can draw something and I could take some pics– What’s wrong?” He asks the moment he sees your expression and then, his eyes fall to the cellphone.

“You have, hmm, a new text,” you say as calm as you can and hand him his phone.

Maybe it's not a good idea that you stay here. Yes. You need to go. You move past him to walk to his bedroom but he stops you, taking your wrist.

"Did you read these texts?" He asks. A part of you expected him to be mad at you for invading his privacy, but he sounds more worried than anything.

"It was not my intention," you reply, your voice just above a whisper. "I wanted to check the hour…"

"Let me explain."

“There’s no need to explain.”

"It is not what you think."

You take a deep breath and turn around to face him.

"What I think is that you have unresolved feelings for your ex."

There, you said it. The confusion in Jungkook's eyes only confirms it. He has an internal struggle.

"It is complicated," he finally says.

At that, you smile. "I know."

You can assume by his expression that he feels genuinely torn.

“Jungkook," you murmur, taking the hand that was holding your wrist in yours and squeezing it tightly. "I am not your girlfriend. You don’t owe me anything.”

Words that are hard to pronounce but the truth behind them might give him some perspective.

He shakes his head, "Don't do that."

You frown, "Do what?"

"Minimize this," he points at you and him. "Come here." He tugs you by the hand and leads you to his couch.

"I hate to burst your bubble Kook, but we had one date."

He nods, "I know. We might not be a couple. But that was something I was hoping we could be in the future. That we've dated once doesn't change the way I feel about you."

The small layer of ice that was beginning to form around your heart warms at his words.

"What about Zoe? Do you still love her?"

He sits there, silently, pondering his answer carefully.

"I'm going to be honest with you," he starts and your heart clenches, already fearing his words. "I don't know. I haven't seen her or spoken to her for over a year. But she was a big part of my life. I just can't forget her completely."

You nod. You understand that. "I'm not asking you to do that. I just… I think we moved too fast. Last night–"

"I don't regret what happened between us," he snaps. "Not at all. I thought I made myself clear when I told you about my feelings. I know I am a mess, and yes, maybe it was too quick. But last night was genuine and beautiful. I would do it again."

The tears sting in your eyes. Jungkook caresses your cheek with his thumb when one of them falls.

"Last night was special for me too. But there's something you need to understand. I don't think I could be with you until you resolve this. I don't want to be insensitive or selfish, or anything. I just know that, if we continue this, if we continue living inside a bubble, one day it will burst and someone is going to get hurt. What if when you meet her again you realize your feelings for her haven't changed at all? The three of us will be in a more complicated situation than none of us want to be. Believe me."

At this point, the tears are cascading freely down your cheeks.

"Don't you think that is a little pessimistic?"

You sniff and wipe your cheeks with the back of your hand, "It is realistic. I've been in the same position before. I've been the second choice and I don't want to be again. So, I think I should go."

You stand from the couch.

"Wait!" He stops you. "What does that mean for me? For us?"

"I think that's up to you. But, for now, maybe we should take some time to think and revalue our situation."

He chuckles dryly, "That sounds awful to 'I don't want to see you anymore'. I don't blame you. I wish things were different."

"Maybe right now it was not our time."

"I don't believe that. Everything happens for a reason."

Ugh. Even in times like this, he is so stubborn. He stands from the couch, too. His eyes are red and he looks defeated. It only makes your heart sink even more. You hate seeing him like that. You wish things were different, too.

Summoning all the courage you have, you take his face between your hands and raise on your tiptoes and press a soft kiss to his lips. Jungkook's arms find their way around your waist.

"Take care of yourself, Jungkook."

You murmur against his ear, hugging him. At that, his arms tighten around you.

"Is this goodbye?" He asks, his voice strained and face buried on your hair. You choose to not reply and give him one last kiss to his cheek.

After you've gathered all your stuff, you walk towards the door. But when your hand touches the doorknob, you hesitate.

Is this really the right choice?

It is, you tell yourself. And with that, you walk out of his apartment without looking back.

Seeing you walking away broke his heart in a million pieces.

He wanted to run after you so bad. Hug you and tell you everything was going to be okay. But he didn’t. He knew he needed to let you go. If seeing you walking was heartbreaking, seeing you cry because of him almost killed him.

Waking up the next day after your departure felt surreal. Like he was dreaming. For a moment, he forgot what happened the night prior. He stood up and made himself something to eat. As he was breeding some coffee, he was waiting for your arrival like every Monday morning. But of course, that didn’t happen. You didn’t come. And then it hit him. You didn’t swing his door open with that smile of yours he adores so much.

He wanted to call, even send a text. But every time he picked up his phone, his mind was blank. Would you pick up if he called? If so, what should he say? He wished things were different. He wished he met you in different circumstances.

He avoided all of Zoe’s attempts to approach him, too. Every call, every text since the last one. It has been a year. She had all those months to do it. Why was she contacting him now when his life was somewhat normal? She made everything more complicated than it already was.

“...so, that’s the reason why we should keep it casual,” Yoongi finishes the sentence and turns to his friend. “Are you even paying me attention?”

“W-what?” Jungkook blurts.

“That’s a no,” Yoongi giggles and punches him softly on the shoulder.

“I’m sorry. I logged out for a second." Jungkook rubs his temples and takes a sip of the coffee he left on the table. It is not even hot anymore, but the taste is enough to give him some comfort.

“Are you okay?” Yoongi asks. When Jungkook nods, he hums. "You don't seem okay."

Jungkook glares at his friend.

“Yeah. I was just… thinking,” he says. "I have a lot in my mind."

"Yeah, no wonder."

It is strange. He sometimes forgets how close to you he has become in the past few months. He is probably aware of the whole ordeal from both sides.

"Shut up."

Yoongi opens his mouth to say something snarky but gets interrupted by a newcomer: a cute redhead in a pretty business dress.

"Hello. My name is Lisa and I’m the assistant of miss Hyeri. She will receive you now," she greets them and urges them to follow her.

Then the realization hits him. Jungkook and Yoongi are about to have an important meeting with one of the curators of the most important museums in town. He doesn't have the time to be nervous because the next second the receptionist is opening one of the many wooden doors.

A gasp falls from his mouth at the sight of the meeting room. It is both mesmerizing and massive. Most of the space is occupied by an enormous table. A woman is waiting for them at the end of the table. Jungkook recognizes her from the gala.

"Min Yoongi, Jeon Jungkook" Hyeri greets them and shakes their hands. "Please, take a seat. Do you want something to drink? Coffee? Tea? Maybe something to eat?"

“I’ll have a cup of tea, thank you,” Yoongi says. Lisa nods and disappears through the door. Not much longer after that, she reappears with a cup of hot tea.

“I’m so glad you guys could meet us here with so short notice.”

“It is no problem,” Yoongi comments after taking a sip of his tea.

"We were wondering why we are here,” Jungkook adds.

“Oh, right,” she claps. “I have good news. One of my permanent artists recently decided to part ways with the museum and now that we have a free spot, we would like to offer it to you guys.”

For a moment, they just stare at her with wide eyes and mouth agape. Yoongi is the first one to jump into action.

“Seriously?”

Neither of them can believe it.

Hyeri nods with a smile. “The Museum is a big fan of your work. I've been following it for over a year. It is really impressive what you guys have accomplished.”

“Wow. That means a lot coming from you. Thank you,” Jungkook musters and then exchanges a look with Yoongi, slightly panicked. He has always admired Yoongi’s ability to hide his emotions. He is there, completely serious when Jungkook is freaking out. He is both excited and afraid. They have never had a boss. Never had to meet deadlines. To be honest, Jungkook is not very good with deadlines. He likes to work at his own pace.

“So, how would it work?” Yoongi asks.

“Unless there is a special occasion, we change the exhibitions every month or two months. If you agree to work with us, you’ll have a little over a month to work on your first one.”

“Will we have creative flexibility?” Jungkook interjects.

"Totally. Unless there is a special theme or it violates our politics, you are free to create what you want.” Then, she hands them a folder. "Everything is explained in the contract. You can check it out. There is a money offer too. If you want to change it, we are open to negotiation." As if in cue, Lisa opens the door and waits with a smile. “I apologize but I don’t have more time. Please, feel free to arrange another meeting with Lisa whenever you have an answer. I look forward to hearing from you guys.”

"No, it’s okay. We understand. Thank you again for receiving us," Yoongi says as he shakes the curator's hand. Jungkook does the same.

"Thank you so much for coming. Have a nice day," she has enough time to wave them goodbye before her phone starts to ring.

They follow Lisa out of the door with dumb smiles and full of hope.

Thirty minutes later, Jungkook opens the door of their gallery.

“I didn’t expect that,” he musters as Yoongi closes the door behind them.

“Then why did you expect?”

Jungkook shrugs, “I don’t know. A part of me thought she wanted to steal Vante from us.”

Yoongi snorts, “And why would she tell us?”

“Good manners?”

“Right.”

"Anyway. It sounds like a good offer, right?"

"Yeah," Yoongi answers. "I gave it a quick check. They are willing to pay us twice the money we earn in two months at the gallery. That sounds pretty good. But I want to call Taekwoon, first. Maybe he can come next week to check the contract before we make a decision."

"Good idea," Jungkook agrees.

“Why are we here, anyway?” Yoongi asks while scrolling down his contacts.

"I need to pick something up from the office. Do you want to go to grab something for lunch? I am starving and in the mood for Thai food.”

“Can I pick the restaurant?”

Jungkook chuckles. “Sure.”

He leaves Yoongi in the entrance as he makes his way to the office. It was Yoongi's idea to have the office behind a hidden door. More like an office is more like storage. They keep there all the photographs and paintings. Theirs and their artists. But Jungkook didn’t find what he was looking for there. So, he returns to his friend.

“Hey, Yoongs. Do you know where is the portfolio of my trip to Machu Picchu? I don't find it and I want to use some pictures in the next exhibition…"

Jungkook stops on his tracks and a gasp falls from his lips.

"Zoe…"

She is there, Jungkook's ex, standing in front of him with a very awkward Yoongi.

"What are you doing here?" He manages to ask after staring at her for a couple of awkward minutes.

"I came to see you,” she says and the sound of her voice moves something inside his chest.

"You can stand,” he blurts.

"Yeah,” she laughs, embarrassed. “We have a lot to talk about."

Jungkook's face turns to Yoongi. "Go," his friend says. "I'll wait at your apartment and I'm still picking the food."

Twenty minutes later, they are both in one of the cafes near the gallery.

Jungkook shifts awkwardly on his seat.

“So, about what you wanted to talk about?”

"Well, I don't know where to start." Zoe takes a sip of her latte nervously.

And that is what sets him off.

“Since when can you walk?” He tries so hard not to sound mad but that is an impossible task. All the anger that he has been holding back for a year is finally pouring off of him.

"Two weeks after the accident, I started to feel the tip of my toes. After a month, I could feel my legs completely. After a lot of physical therapy, I finally can walk without any type of help."

Her face lights up at the memory and Jungkook doesn't know if he feels relieved or still angry. Maybe a little bit of both.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He deadpans. "Picking up the phone was really that hard?”

Zoe gulps at that. “I wanted to reach you, but I was not in a good place. I was dealing with a lot and my body was getting used to the medication again…”

“A text would have been enough... “ he counters attacks. “Do you even realize how I lived the next months? How hard was it? I know is nowhere near what you have been through, but living with the guilt… almost broke me."

At this point, tears are running down Zoe's cheeks and his heart clenches.

"I know I'm late, but I am so sorry." She reaches out to grab his hand. He stiffens but doesn't pull away. "Jungkook, the accident was not your fault." Somehow, those words managed to lift some weight off Jungkook’s heart. He didn’t realize how much he needed to hear those words until now. Especially from her. It is like he can breathe properly again. “I know what I said. I regretted it the moment I said those words. You didn't ruin my life… You saved me.”

Jungkook can’t help but snort. “Saved you? How? I almost killed us!”

A soft smile spreads across her face. “That night, I was in the middle of a crisis. I was a danger to myself and others around me. You might not understand how much you helped me that night. Despite what happened.”

She uses one of the napkins to wipe her eyes.

“Why didn’t you tell me? Maybe I could have done something more.”

“It was nothing personal,” Zoe replies, taking a sip of her already cold coffee. “I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was 12. When I told my friends, they started to look at me weirdly. Like with pity. I couldn't bear the look in their eyes. It made me feel like there was something wrong with me. So, when I started high school, I decided to not tell anyone about it. Ever since then, only my family knew about it.”

Jungkook nods, understanding.

“I was feeling so good,” she continues. “In my stupidity, I stopped using the medication. I thought I didn’t need them anymore. The first month I was okay. Fine, actually. It was in the second month when the problems started. I guess it was around the time we started fighting over nonsense…”

Jungkook finds himself squeezing her hand in comfort. Of course, he remembers those fights. But right now, they don't seem important anymore.

“But, are you okay now?”

She sniffs. No matter how many times she wipes her eyes, the tears keep coming. “Yeah. The medication is working. These last two months are the first time I’ve been genuinely happy in the last year.”

A smile tugs the corner of Jungkook’s lips. “Who is he?”

Zoe looks at him with wide eyes, “What?”

Jungkook chuckles at the way she is looking at him. “I know you like the back of my hand. Who is he?”

Suddenly, Zoe’s cheeks turn slightly pink. “I met a guy in my support group three months ago. He is an athlete too, with an injury in recovery. We officially started dating a month ago. It's pretty new.”

“He makes you happy?”

“Yes," she says with a radiant smile enough to light up the entire cafe.

"Did you tell him about it?"

She chuckles, "Yes. I'm not going to make the same mistake again."

“Good. I am really happy for you.” He offers her a smile.

It is true. There is no jealousy. He really feels happy that Zoe found someone that understands her and what she's been going through.

“Thank you,” she smiles back. “What about you?”

“Me?” Jungkook can’t hide his surprise and a smirk appears in Zoe’s lips. She still looks beautiful with puffy eyes and smudged mascara.

"Come on. I know you too like the back of my hand. I know how your 'I'm sad because a girl' face looks like. What's up?"

"Do you remember my neighbor? ____?"

She nods. "She's really beautiful. What about her?"

“Well, we had one date," he confesses.

“And? How was it?” Zoe asks excitedly and Jungkook smiles shyly. Talking about you makes his heart flutter.

“Good. Really good, actually. I asked her to be my date at the gala.”

“That’s so cute. So, are you two a thing now?” She coos.

“No," he says and Zoe notices the change in his mood right away. "It is complicated."

"What happened?"

"There was a misunderstanding… I think… And you are involved.”

Zoe chokes on her coffee. “Me? Why?”

“She thinks I still have feelings for you and I was not much of a help either.”

"Do you still have feelings for me?"

"No."

"And why didn't you tell her that?" She accuses him.

"Because I was confused when she asked me!" He exclaims. Zoe frowns and he raises a hand before she starts to speak. "We didn't talk for a year. Our relationship ended literally out of nowhere. We didn't have the time or the will to talk about it. So, I buried my feelings. At the time, they were not worth dwelling on."

Zoe shifts on her seat. “It makes sense. I think we can both agree that we shared something magical, passionate and it didn't last that much. We never get the chance to celebrate our first anniversary."

Jungkook chuckles, sharing the nostalgia. "Yeah. We had a lot of plans for that day."

“Sometimes I think we were so stubborn and more in love with the idea of love rather than with each other. If the accident it would not have happened, maybe we would have broken up in the next couple of months.”

“You think?”

“Yeah. We need to admit we were not compatible enough,” Zoe shrugs with a smile. “Anyway. One of the reasons I contacted you, besides apologizing to you, of course…”

“Of course.”

She ignores him, “...is because I miss you and I want us to be friends.”

“I wouldn’t want it any other way.”

“Really?”

Jungkook throws her a bag of sugar, “What do you mean ‘really’? You know my family abandoned me a long time ago. So I made a new one: Yoongi and you. For a while, we were only the three of us and everything was fine. One night, that changed. I lost a member of my family. Again. Of course, I want you in my life.”

“Owww, Jungkook…” She wipes fake tears. “I forgot you were such a corny.”

He snorts.

“I’m going to get another coffee and then you can tell me everything about her and we could come up with a plan because I didn’t raise you to be this stupid.”

And with that, she stands up and walks towards the bar.

Just like that, two old friends reunite. As the last months never happened.

The next day Jungkook wakes up feeling as light as a feather. It felt nice to talk with an old friend. He feels like Seokjin, Anna and the other guys are more friends of yours than his. It feels nice to have someone else by his side besides Yoongi. Finally, he feels he can breathe properly again. After a year of living full of guilt. Now, he can finally move on with his life. He spends the morning thinking about what he should do next.

He was looking for some of his old photos when he finds one of your sketchbooks. You must have left it here the last time you visited. He knows how important the sketchbooks are for you. They are like a window to your soul. He needs to return them. With that in mind, he takes the sketchbook and walks to your apartment.

If things were as they used to, he would enter unannounced and straight to your room. But things are different. Now, he knocks as any normal slash civil neighbor and waits. Some minutes pass before he realizes there's no one inside. Jungkook sighs disappointed. Part of him wanted to see you again.

"Jungkook?" Someone behind him calls his name. "What are you doing here?"

Seokjin is standing behind him with a lot of bags of groceries.

“Hey," he greets him. "____ forgot one of her sketchbooks at my place. I was wondering if I could leave it in her bedroom."

Seokjin nods, “Do you mind helping me first?”

"Ah, yes," he takes a couple of bags of Seokjin's arms.

“Thank you."

Seokjin opens the door and Jungkook follows him inside. Seokjin places the bags in the kitchen counter and throws the keys into the table.

“Wow, these are a lot of groceries.”

Seokjin smiles sheepishly, “Yeah. I want to perfect some recipes.”

“More than they already are?”

He chuckles, “Yes. I want everything ready when I open my new restaurant?”

“Wait a minute,” Jungkook gasps. “When did that happen?”

He suddenly feels bad for not keeping in touch with him after the little fight he shared with you. His friend only shrugs, keeping his hands busy as he places the ingredients he is not going to use at the moment in their respective cabinet.

“I bought a nice place downtown last week,” he confesses. “But I’ve been planning it for a while now. It seemed like the next step.”

“Wow, congratulations!” Jungkook beams and pats Seokjin’s shoulder over the counter.

“Thanks,” the older replies. “Actually, I may need your assistance with something.”

“What can I do for you?”

"Someone told me you are good at video editing."

A small blush appears on Jungkook’s cheeks, “I wouldn’t say good, but I am decent enough. What do you want to do?”

"I figured if Gordon Ramsay can teach cooking through videos, I can show my recipes too. Will you help me?"

"Of course."

The elder hums and a comfortable silence fall upon them. After a while, Jungkook’s gaze shifts toward the hallway that leads to your room. Seokjin notices, even when he is busy chopping some vegetables.

"___ is not here," he comments.

"Oh…" Jungkook already knows that but that doesn’t mean that he feels any less disappointed. "Is she out?"

Seokjin nods, "She went to visit her sister for the weekend. I thought she told you.”

“Well, we are not exactly in speaking terms,” Jungkook confesses, his eyes falling to his hands. "When is she coming back?"

"Possibly Monday after work,” Seokjin throws the vegetables he just chopped to a strainer. “What happened between you two?”

“She didn’t tell you?” Jungkook asks surprised.

He shrugs apologetically, “Kind of. But every story has two versions."

At that, he stays quiet. Seokjin doesn't push him to talk, which Jungkook is thankful for. The elder keeps doing his magic in the kitchen and soon it starts to smell really good.

“A year ago,” Jungkook starts. “I was in a car accident with my former girlfriend. I was driving. She was the most affected. She had several injuries. She blamed me for everything and I accepted that blame. We didn’t talk or saw each other for a while until she contacted me the night of the gala. She wanted to talk. ___ saw it. We had a little… argument about it.”

“What happened?”

Jungkook's face return to look at his friend.

"That night was our first date. I was so excited and nervous. I have never felt like that about someone before. The date went pretty well. Until she saw the text."

He can still see your face. Trying so desperately not to cry but failing nonetheless. It has been printed behind his eyelids.

“She told me that we couldn’t be together until I figured my feelings for my ex. She started to ask questions I couldn’t answer at the moment. I’ve been confused for a long time and denied it for a while.” Jungkook groans and buries his face inside his hands. "I think I ruined everything with her."

“No, you didn’t.” Jungkook raises to meet Seokjin’s gaze. "Is valid to have unresolved feelings when your relationship ended abruptly. Especially after a tragedy. You didn't get closure."

"You didn't see her face." Jungkook chuckles dryly when a shot of tequila appears in front of him. It reminds him of when things were less complicated.

"She is hiding."

"Why?"

Seokjin shrugs, "You know her. Her heart is bigger than her body. She is the type to help strangers when they are at their lowest. She is that selfless."

Jungkook blushes at that. He still feels bad at the way he treated you those first days.

“But when it comes to romantic feelings… She is scared."

"Why?" Jungkook finds himself asking. You never told him about his past relationships and he never asked.

"Someone broke her heart," Seokjin confesses with a sad smile. "It took her some time to recover from that."

"What happened?" He whispers.

"Well…"

Three years ago.

"So, when is the opening night?" You asked Seokjin over the phone. You searched inside your handbag for your key.

"Next week," he replied and then groaned. "I still haven't found the perfect hostess."

"Jinnie, everything is going to be fine. You are an amazing chef. Everyone in the city is going to love your food,” you tried to calm him. “You’ll find the perfect hostess before you know it.”

"Thank you," he replied gratefully, "You are coming, right?"

You tsked, "Of course."

You opened your front door and placed the keys over the small table near the entrance. You made your way towards the kitchen.

"Are you going to bring some of your stuff? Anna brought some boxes the last time she visited and she is going to move in next month. I found this cute apartment. It is kind of expensive, but considering we're four…"

"Yeah, about that…"

"You haven't spoken with Jimin, have you?" He interjected before you could continue. It was impressive how well he could read you even when he was a mile away.

"I will! Is just… Everything is moving so quickly. You moved to the city 6 months ago and you are going to open your restaurant in a week. Anna found a good job. What if I don't get the internship?"

You finally voiced your worries.

"You will," he assured you. "You are really talented. And if they don’t, there are other companies you can apply for."

"I know. Thank you, Jin. I really needed to hear that today," you said as you took your bag from the counter and walk to the mini-studio. "I promise I'll talk to Jimin and of course I will be on your opening night."

"Sounds good!" He chimed. "I'll call you tomorrow, okay? I left something in the oven."

And he hung up before you could say goodbye. You chuckled and placed your phone over your desk. With a sigh, you took your sketchbook out of your bag and opened it. You meant to work on your designs to finish your portfolio but your stomach suddenly growled.

"Jimin! Do you want to grab dinner?"

When it became apparent you were not going to get a reply, you left the studio and went to the bedroom. Till then, you didn't realize how quiet the apartment was. You frowned. You were 90% sure Jimin's car was at the parking lot. But then again, one of your neighbors had the same car.

The bedroom door was half-opened and you heard the faint sound of the shower. Entering the room, you were about to scroll through Uber Eats when you noticed someone lying on your bed and it was not Jimin.

"Hmmm, Who are you, and why are you lying in my bed?" The blond girl staring at you looked… worried. She opened her mouth but got interrupted by the sound of the bathroom door opening.

"Hey babe," Jimin murmured, a towel around his waist. "I think you should go. My girlfriend will arrive soon…" He stopped the moment he saw you, standing there, in your shared bedroom.

Every word felt like a dagger. Your suspicions were confirmed. Your boyfriend was cheating on you. You wanted to cry, scream, throw stuff, destroy everything around you. But you were frozen in the same spot, unable to do anything your aching heart craved to.

Maybe it was a dream. Yes. You were still sleeping and this was a nightmare. Your mind couldn't wrap around the fact of Jimin –your sweet and lovely Jimin– doing such thing as betray you.

The sound of your name brought you back to the painful reality. You gathered all the courage you could to look at him.

"What it this, Jimin?" You managed to whisper.

It was a dumb question to ask when the answer was right in front of you, but a part of you wanted to be a misunderstanding, still hoping this was a sick joke.

Jimin, the man you fell in love with, was looking at you with so much sadness that it made you sob.

"Please let me explain. I never meant to hurt you. You were not supposed to know like this."

What was he talking about?

"Know what? That you were cheating on me?" You said. "Is this the first time?"

"I wish I could say yes."

What?

Involuntarily, your eyes turned to the woman you found in your bed. At least she was dressed now, a pretty sundress hugging her body. You gulped. Did he found her prettier than you? At that moment, when you were using a sweatshirt and a pair of jeans, you definitely felt she was prettier than you. You hated to feel this way.

"Why?" You finally found the courage to ask him.

"Don't pretend you haven't felt how we've drifted apart."

Oh, you noticed. He had been weird the last couple of months. At first, you thought it was because of school. He gets really moody when it comes to exams. But he graduated and things were the same. There was less communication. He used to be your best friend… And now was like you lived with a stranger with whom you happened to have sex occasionally.

You couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off, but you didn’t want to push Jimin in to talk about something he was not ready to share. Who would know that something was him cheating on you?

“Is that enough reason?”

“My parents are getting divorced,” he confessed then, taking slow steps into your direction. Your whole body tensed. The last thing you needed was him to get closer. “My father started to drink again.” You opened your mouth to say something but Jimin raised a hand. “No, please. Let me finish.” You pursed your lips and let him continue. “I didn’t want to bother you with my problems. You were busy working at the cafe or working with your designs… They were not yours to handle, so I didn't tell you anything. Then, I met Hannah at one of my lectures. We clicked right away. I invited her for a coffee one day and it was like I could tell her anything."

"And you fell in love with her," you finished for him. You felt hot tears running down your cheeks. You couldn't hold them anymore.

"___, you need to understand…" he took another step closer. “I never meant to hurt you.”

"Well, you definitely did a great job. Why didn't you tell me when you realized that you had feelings for another woman?" You confronted him. By the look on his face, you guessed that was not a question he was expecting. Wiping your tears with the back of your hand, you looked at him expectantly.

“I-I tried… But I couldn’t find the right time…”

He was close enough to take your hands in his. You tried to pull away but he didn’t let you. “Really? In the six months, you’ve known her, you couldn’t mention something?”

“How am I supposed to tell the person who used to be the most important to me that I may have feelings for another woman?”

If you were not feeling like your whole world is crumbling down, you probably should’ve noticed the desolated expression in Jimin’s face.

“You are talking in past tense…” you murmured. “Why didn’t you tell me?” you repeated.

Fresh tears fall down cheeks. You closed your eyes. Suddenly, something warm pressed against your skin. Jimin’s fingers. Your eyes slowly fluttered open. Fixed on his face, it was the first time you realized they were tears on his cheeks. Jimin was crying too. A pair of strong arms encircled your body and pushed you against him. You resisted at first, but he was holding you with so much force. Being between his arms for the last time was the last thing you could handle and you found yourself hugging him back tightly. Three years of your life were slipping between your fingers like water and there was nothing you could do about it.

It was over…

“I’m sorry, ___,” he chanted against your hair. “I am so sorry…”

That night, you drove all the way to the city and never looked back.

When Seokjin finishes the story, Jungkook is speechless.

His heart aches for you, for what happened to you.

“She was broken. It took her a while to recover. She is strong. She just needs some time.”

“I just miss her a lot…”

“I know.”

His friend offers him a smile and continues with his handiwork in the kitchen.

Jungkook stays silent in the next 20 minutes, lost inside his mind. It takes him some time to take everything in. Now, he understands why you reacted the way you did and wishes he handled the situation better. His trail of thought is interrupted when Seokjin places a bowl of homemade noodles in front of him. It smells delicious.

“Eat up. I want your opinion.”

“Thank you.”

The sound of a door being opened catches his attention and Anna appears in the hallway.

“Oh, Kook. You are here,” she greets him. “I haven’t seen you in a while. How are you?” She sits in the stool beside him and squeezes his shoulder affectionately.

“Good. How about you?”

“Full of work but I smell Jinnie’s special noddles and I realized I was starving,” she was and takes a mouthful of noddles.

“Where can I leave ____’s sketchbook?”

“You can leave it at the studio. I’ll tell her you left it there,” Anna says.

Jungkook nods.

The rest of the meal, they talk about random stuff. Jungkook tells them the news about his possible new partnership with a museum and Seokjin talks more about the plans he has for his new restaurant. Soon, the moon sets and Jungkook is full of deserts. Before leaving, he walks to the studio and places the sketchbook on your desk. He takes a blank sheet from Anna’s desk and a pen and he starts writing:

Dear ___…

"So, in conclusion, you ran away because you are scared," she murmurs softly.

“Did you even heard what I just said?”

“I did and you are an idiot,” she stands from the couch and walks to the kitchen. “Do you want more ice cream?”

“Yeah.” You follow after her. “Do you really think I am an idiot for leaving him there?”

“Yes, I do.” She notices your panic. “Look. I know you are afraid. But this is not the same situation. The story isn’t repeating.”

She serves two more balls of chocolate ice cream into the bowls.

"I don’t want to live that hell of self-hatred again. It took me a while to understand it was not because of me and even more to realize Jimin and I were not meant to be. So yeah, I ran. I thought Jungkook would have chosen his ex if he needed to choose. They have a long story."

She squeezes your hand, "And you removed yourself from the equation so he wouldn’t have to choose." You nod. “That’s why I think you are an idiot.”

“Hey!”

“I’m serious. He can choose you. There is a possibility. But you decided to run instead to fight for him.”

She takes the bowls and returns to the living room. Then, she turns Netflix off. You stopped paying attention to the movie anyway. You lay down and place your head on her lap with your bowl of ice cream over your stomach. You feel so tired.

"Let’s get this clear. For what you have told me, it looks like he likes you a lot. You were his muse at the gala!" She starts to pet your hair softly, "Listen. I know it hurts. Sometimes, you just need to take the risk. You can't hide here forever. Whatever that happens, you'll be fine. You have me and your friends."

You shift your body to face her, "Thank you. I really needed to hear that."

She grins, "What is family for?"

You stayed with your sister the whole weekend, eating tons and tons of ice cream and watching tons and tons of movies. It was soothing and calming. It helped you get your mind off the situation. And it gave you time to think.

You were back at your apartment morning-evening after work. You are finishing unpacking when Seokjin enters your room.

“How it went?” He sits at the end of your mattress.

“Pretty good! I missed my sister a lot.”

“Maybe you should visit her more often,” he jokes.

You giggle, "She told me the same thing. How was your weekend?"

Now that all your clothes are scattered all over your bed, you throw all the dirty ones into your laundry basket.

"Good. I tried a new noodle recipe... and Jungkook came looking for you."

He is playing with one of your jeans, folding and unfolding them.

You drop what you are doing immediately, "Really? What did he want?"

You try to keep a serene face but on the inside, you were going crazy. The tiny smile on Seokjin’s lips only confirms that you are not very good at hiding your emotions. You’ve lost your touch.

"He brought your sketchbook back," Seokjin says. "Apparently, you left it at his place. It is at your desk."

"Oh… Thank you."

"I’ll have dinner ready in 20 minutes." Seokjin smiles sweetly and walks out of your room.

You finish unpacking and tidying everything up before going to the studio. You left Jungkook’s place in such a rush that you forgot that your sketchbook was even at his place. You run your fingers over the leather cover. It is one of the fewest sketchbooks that you own that doesn’t have anything to do with your work or designs. It is more like a journal were you draw anything that came to your mind. Flipping through the pages, you remember that one time when Jungkook took you to his favorite park. According to him, the sunset looked majestic from there and he wanted to take some snaps. You were supposed to draw it but Jungkook's beauty was more enticing and you end up drawing him.

You keep going through the pages for a while. The sketchbook is full of memories of him… of memories of your times together. There is this one, where you draw the two of you. But before you arrive at that page, you receive a call from Anna. Dinner is ready. With a smile, you place your sketchbook with the others you’ve finished in the box under your desk unaware of the fact that there is a letter Jungkook wrote for you.

One year later.

It is Monday morning and you are at your office. It is surprising how much work can accumulate in one weekend. The workload helps you to ignore the curious glances Taehyung sends your way since you arrived at the office. It becomes pretty annoying at the meeting you both attend to check some details about the newest collection before sending it for approval.

Around 11 am, you go to the coffee station to make yourself some tea. Taehyung is there, too, taking some coffee. And there’s the stare again. “Some say a picture lasts longer.”

He chokes on his coffee. You take your favorite mug from the countertop and purr hot water. Today is chamomile day.

"Are you okay?" You ask him. He nods like he has not been acting weirdly all morning.

"Yeah. I am okay." He leaves his now empty cup in the sink. "Do you, by any chance, have received any texts or calls today?"

"From someone in particular?"

"You know what? Forget it. I'll see you at lunch."

And he walks out of the coffee station before you could ask him what he meant.

Yep. He is definitely acting really weird.

The rest of the morning passes quickly and you don't have the opportunity to confront Taehyung about his weird behavior. He is hiding something. That much is true.

Exactly one hour before lunch, your phone buzzes, and for a split second your heart rate increases until you see the caller ID. It is your sister.

"Hello?"

"Hey, stranger!" she chimes. "How are you?"

"I'm fine! A little busy. And you?"

"Good! At what time you leave your office?"

"At 5PM. Why?"

"I have a surprise for you: I am in the city! So, I was wondering if you want to have dinner with me today."

"Wait, is everything okay?" You sit straight. If something is wrong, she would have told you, right?

"Yeah, silly. Don't worry. I came to buy some stuff and, of course, visit you. So, do you want to go to dinner or what?"

You giggle, relieved. "Sure." You start to think of possible choices. It is the third time your sister comes to the city. You want to take her to somewhere special. "Do you want to go to Seokjin's new restaurant?"

"That sounds perfect."

"Good. Let me text you the address."

You put the phone on speaker to find the message with the address Seokjin sent to you a while ago. You know how to arrive there but you don't remember the street name.

You do small talk with your sister as you do your search, but your Skype goes crazy out of nowhere.

"Hey," you interject between her story. "I will text you the address later. My boss is looking for me."

"Ok. Don't worry. I'll see you tonight."

You arrive at 7:15pm at Seokjin's restaurant.

In less than 6 months, the restaurant is now one of the most exclusive restaurants and one of the best places to eat. That's why the place is at full capacity for Monday night and there are even more people outside waiting for a table or place at the bar.

Tonight Seokjin is the host. He receives you with a heartwarming smile.

"Your usual table?" he asks.

“Yes, please.”

He nods, “You are lucky you know the owner,” he adds with a smirk and you roll your eyes.

“Thanks, Jinnie.”

You walk through the restaurant. The table you like the most is located in one of the corners, near the kitchen. It is kind of hidden but you can see the whole restaurant from there. You’ve spent hours and hours there sketching the people that come by.

Your eyes scan the menu as you wait for your sister's arrival. Jin adds new recipes to the menu every once in a while.

"Does this sit is taken?"

You raise your head to look at the newcomer and you do not expect what you see...

"Jungkook?"

For a split second, you think you might be hallucinating. But no. He is really there. It is the first time you see him in a year. He smiles sheepishly and you remember that there's a question you haven't answered yet…

"I'm waiting for my sister…"

And then, it clicks.

Do you, by any chance, have received any texts or calls today?

"You planned this with my sister," his smile widening is your confirmation. "But, you don't know her. How?"

"We have a mutual friend."

"Taehyung and Seokjin knew about this," you accuse.

Jungkook nods, "The guys helped me to plan this. So, can I sit?"

"Yeah, I guess," you reply. "Is my sister even in the city?"

"Yes. She is waiting for you with Anna at your place."

You don’t know how to reply to that, so you stay silent. You take the opportunity to look at him. He looks… different. His hair is longer. He is wearing a plain grey shirt, jeans, and a leather jacket that fits him so well. He gained weight. The sharpness of his face is gone. His lips look more full in the way they stretch into a smirk. There’s a spark shining on his eyes. He knows you are checking him out.

You clear your throat.

"So, why did you take so much trouble when you just could have called me yourself?"

Jungkook shrugs, "I thought you wouldn't have come if I was the one who contacted you."

Before you could reply, one of the waitresses approaches the table.

"Are you ready to order?"

Jungkook gazes at the menu, "I'll have the Special Noodles, please."

She nods and turns to you, "And you, ___? The usual?"

"Yes. Thank you, Eli," you reply with a smile.

"Right away," she says and walks to the kitchen.

Once she is gone, the heavy atmosphere around you returns.

"Did you broke your phone?" You finally ask him the question you were dying to since he appeared.

"I know. I'm so sorry" he takes your hand in his. It feels so good to feel his warmth again. "You don't know how much I wanted to call. Or even go to your place to see you in person. But I made a promise to myself: I wouldn't contact you until I was in peace with myself."

It is selfish to feel this way. You know it. He did the right thing, but a part of you resents him. He disappeared. For one year, you didn’t know anything about him. Now, he appears out of nowhere and expects you’d receive him with open arms.

“Jungkook, why am I here?"

He seems confused, "What do you mean? I wanted to talk to you."

"About what?"

"About us?"

"Is there really an 'us' to talk about?"

"What?"

You shift in your seat. “You left without saying goodbye. With no type of explanation.”

He shakes his head, “What do you mean? I left the letter. Did you not read it?”

You frown, more confused by the minute. “What letter?”

“The one that I hid in your sketchbook. Do you really don’t know what am I talking about?” You shrug. “Well, that explains a lot,” he chuckles awkwardly.

“So, what was in that letter?”

He smiles over his glass of water. “It explained why I left, why I did it, and what happened with Zoe.”

“Yeah, about that… What happened? Because all this time I thought you ran away with her.”

A smirk appeared on his lips. It is not the type you like. It is the smug one. It makes you want to smack him on his pretty face.

“We talked. We resolved things. We stayed as friends,” he replies nonchalantly.

“G-good,” you manage to say and his smile widens. “Where were you staying, anyway?”

“I stayed a while with Yoongi and little with Zoe and her boyfriend. He is really cool.”

“That bastard!” you yelled and sank in your seat when a few customers turned to look at you. “When I asked him if he knew where did you go, he lied.”

Jungkook smiles apologetically, “He promised not to tell you.”

“Yeah, whatever,” you huff, a little annoyed at Yoongi. He is going to hear you out the next time you see him. “You could have texted me or something. Do you know how much time is one year? That means I spent 365 days wondering if I would ever see you again." Jungkook opens his mouth but you raise your hand, "Please, let me finish."

He nods.

"One year is enough to meet new people…" You finish what you wanted to say.

Jungkook's smile falters, eyes widening, "Ohhhh… Does that mean you met someone?"

"I had a couple of dates," you confess, watching carefully his reaction. "But the two of them went really wrong."

His face illuminates at your words, "Why?"

"Because they were not you, idiot!"

He starts to laugh at your outburst. Wow, you forgot how much you liked his smile. His eyes turn into beautiful crescendos and his nose scrunched. His laugh is contagious you start to laugh back.

"I'm really glad to hear that."

A comfortable silence falls between you two. At the same time, Eli arrives with the order.

“Oh my god,” Jungkook moans after his first bite. “They are better than the last ones I ate.”

“Well, Seokjin had a year to perfect the recipe,” you mock.

While you eat, you talk about random stuff: how the recent partnership with a museum went; the brand new collection you and Taehyung are designing from scratch. Stuff like that. It almost feels like time hasn’t passed at all.

“So, you didn’t answer my question,” you say once you have ordered the desert.

He takes a sip of his water. “What question?”

“Why am I here?”

“Oh, I wanted to see you and talk to you,” he says, suddenly shy. “I know you didn’t read the letter I left for you. But I want to explain to you, in person, why I left…”

It doesn’t make sense. How can someone who looks as good as Jungkook does can be shy?

“Go on.”

“I know it was selfish to leave. But I needed to do it. I was not myself when we met. I was lost. Even when you helped me to raise my feet again, I was not entirely okay. I left because I didn’t want to be emotionally codependent of you. If we are together, is because we want to, not because we need each other to survive. The time I spent away helped me to rediscover myself. Now, I am more me than I have ever been. I hope you will give me another chance.”

His beautiful words make your heart flutter. He is looking at you with so much intensity and hopes that you feel bad for being cold with him for the past hour. You stay silent for a moment, though. You suppress the smile that tugs the corner of your lips. Maybe you enjoy a little bit much the way his expression turns in panic.

“Well,” you finally speak up. His shoulders tense in anticipation. “Taehyung and I have an important dinner next week. Some important designers are coming to see our collection. Taehyung is taking his girlfriend. So… Would you like to come with me? You know… As my date?”

The end. ♡

#jungkook #jeon jungkook #bts scenarios #bts angst #bts fluff #bts fanfics #jungkook x reader #bts #story: love sewn #jvnghxope

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dreamii-yume · 4 years

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Hi! I'm loving your fics. Could we get some malleus x reader please? Maybe some breeding and size kink?

♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎

Malleus had already decided that Darling is the woman that he wanted to spend his whole entire life with. Huh? What do you mean that Darling has to go back home? That she’s not from this world? That she doesn’t reciprocate his feelings? Now, don’t be like that~! Don’t you think it’s lovely~? A life with one of the strongest magician in this twisted world would surely be a lot better than your previous one!

♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎

You sat on a lone bench in the peaceful land outside the Ramshackle Dorm, the gentle howl of the nightly breeze blowing on your hair so elegantly. Green fireflies decorated where you sat, their beautiful light was enough to illuminate what the old lamp post couldn’t. Before you were a tall young fae with pointed ears and a pair of menacing horns on his head. You almost strained your neck from looking up just to have an eye contact with him. His very appearance and size was intimidating, yet the rare gentle smile on his face holds a complete contrast to it all.

The moon was beautiful tonight, bearing witness to how your eyes had slowly widened at the information you have received from the horned fellow. “...Eh?” You blinked repeatedly, your ears somewhat refusing to acknowledge the meaning behind his words. “...Sorry, could you repeat what you just said?”

“I love you.” The fae patiently repeated his confession for you, word by word. His tone felt so practiced, like he had been waiting his whole life just to say it. “I want to spend my whole life with you and create a happy little family between us.”

Your mouth fell agape as you looked down, and to the side, before eventually going back to him. You fiddled with your sleepwear of a clothing, finding the right words to say. “...W-Wow...This is...This is a lot to take in, I...” You stuttered out as your cheeks burns in the shade of a bashful pink. “...Tsunotarou, I-I don’t know what to say really...”

‘Tsunotarou’ merely chuckled at your reaction, watching you chew on your bottom lip. A habit that he noticed you do whenever you’re nervous or in the midst of indecisiveness. He reached out and pat you on the head, stroking your hair in a comforting manner. “Don’t stress yourself too much, my little human. I can put our differences aside and love you for who you are from now on and forever.” He said, his eyes gazing at you lovingly. You felt the side of your mouth twitched upward, creating a small smile at how sweet his words were.

“...In return, I want you to be my wife and create a family with me. To spend our eternity caring for our young.” ‘Tsunotarou’ said, something that slowly wiped your smile away. You looked down once again, a sullen expression had replaced itself on your face. Of course, the horned fae had already spent too much time with you to notice the slightest bit of change in your mood, this was no exception. “...Why the long face, little one?”

You took a deep breath. “I-I’m flattered, Tsunotarou. Really, I am.” You said, smiling up at him. “You were the very first to confess to me like this. It’s very sweet and I appreciate it. Thank you.”

“But...I’m sorry. I can’t accept your confession.” You gave him a serious look on your face. A single drop of sweat ran down the side of your head but you kept up your mask. It took a while for ‘Tsunotarou’ to give you some sort of reaction and even then, the most that you got was a slight flinch of the hand that was on top of your head. He no longer has a smile in his face, going back to his usual, stoic expression as he retracted his hand away from you.

“Explain.” He requested, but sounded more of a demand rather than an optional choice. You flinched at how stern his voice had suddenly turned, no trace of his sweet demeanor had remained.

“Were you...Were you in the entrance ceremony at the first day?” You asked him. “If you were there then, everything must’ve make sense to you by now.”

“I was not invited. I tend to never get invited into occasions such as that.” ‘Tsunotarou’ said, bitterly as he crossed his arms. You nodded, somehow you couldn’t help but feel really bad for the tall fae. “...What does that have to do with your rejection?”

“Then you must’ve at least known by now that I don’t have the tiniest shred of magic in me, right?” You said, trying to go slow for him so he could understand you properly. “The only reason I’m a student here in the first place is because I have Grimm with me.”

“...I do.” He said. “If this is the reason why you’re rejecting me, then know that I have no problems with having a child that has no affinity for magic. We can always-“

You quickly hold out your hand in front of you, frantically shaking your head, stopping him the moment he mentioned anything about having children. Your face flushed red, he was looking way into the future. “No, no, no...! That’s not the reason at all!” You protested. “It’s because I’m not from here, Tsunotarou!”

Now this caught ‘Tsunotarou’ off-guard, not expecting such reason to come out of your mouth. But then, with that sentence alone, he had already formulated a lot of solutions in his mind that could excuse such reason. “Not from here? You meant from Twisted Wonderland?” He said, raising his eyebrow. “Then, which part of the world did you come from? Surely, we can do something about your lineage.”

“...That’s the thing. I’m not from this world, Tsunotarou.” Your head held down, but your eyes glanced up at him with gloomy gaze. “I don’t have magic because I came from a different world. A world far different from Twisted Wonderland.”

“And I’m trying to go back.” You finished, finally stating your point. “Therefore, I can’t accept your confession. Because if I were come back to my own world, long-lasting romantic relationship with anyone in Twisted Wonderland is just pointless.”

You settled down, breathing out as ‘Tsunotarou’ in front of you stares with calculating eyes. He was always the difficult one to read, it was either he has great control over his emotions or he simply just doesn’t know how to react. Either way, you prayed in your mind that he wouldn’t become as unreasonable as you dreaded. Finally, he made a reaction, blinking as he straightened his poise. “...Is that it?” He spoke. “Is that your only reason why you’re rejecting me?”

You nodded with an audible “Yes”. Well, you were actually telling him about the other side of the spectrum, there was also the reason of you just not seeing him the same way as he sees you. What you feel for him was merely platonic as there weren’t enough time for you to gain actual romantic feelings for him. He was just a friend that you see every once in a while, after all, an acquaintance you happened to meet when the moon was out on its best. But you chose not to tell him that other reason as it would only add more salt to his wound. For now, you can give him the more logical reason, something anyone could understand.

Your horned friend closed his eyes before breathing out, he crosses his arms. “Then, just don’t.”

Now, it was your turn to be caught off guard. You blinked, repeatedly. “...Excuse me?” You asked, wanting to have a bit more content.

“Coming back to your own world is a choice, not an obligation. You don’t have to go back.” ‘Tsunotarou’ said in a straightforward manner, as if your problem was actually that easy to pull off. “If you were transported in this world then, wouldn’t that mean that there’s actually something you have to do in this world? Or the fact that this world might’ve actually been the world that you were supposed to belong to in the first place?”

“Either way, it doesn’t matter. All you have to do is stay and not worry about going home.” ‘Tsunotarou’ steps closer to your sitting figure. His tall and large figure quietly looms above you, causing a single nervous strand of sweat to drip from your forehead. His shadow alone was intimidating and his striking green eyes never dares to leave you, as if it was burning a hole into your soul. “We can be together without any worries if you could just forget about your previous life and start a new one.”

“Doesn’t that sound even more appealing?”

You stared at him wide-eyed, filled with bewilderment as you don’t even know how you were going to retort that. There was so many flaws and holes in that reasoning that you would like to point out, but just can’t find a proper way to start. In the end, you gave him a nervous laugh, trying to lighten up the atmosphere before eventually dropping the bomb on him. “Uh...T-That’s...That’s not...That’s not how it works, Tsunotarou.” You stuttered, your mind in shambles on how the hell you were going to explain this to the usually aloof and dense fae. “You’re essentially telling me to forget about my friends and family back in my world. You know I can’t do that!”

“They’re...They’re important to me. There’s no way I could...forget about them just like that!” You said. “I didn’t even get the chance to properly say goodbye before getting transported into this world! They’re probably looking for me right now!”

In the midst of your desperate attempt to knock some sense into powerful yet dense magician, you failed to notice how his eyes narrowed down for a mere second. A rare sign of irritation spiking up in his features. “...And you think they’re still looking for you after all this time?” ‘Tsunotarou’ coldly states. “You arrived at this world during the entrance ceremony, correct? It’s been quite a while since that happened. Have you ever considered that they might’ve just given up on you by now?”

Now that was uncalled for, just absolutely unnecessary to say. You scrunched up your eyebrows together as you couldn’t help but be hurt at how insensitive his words suddenly became. What was his problem? He’s making it sound like no one cared for you in your own world. That you’re someone who your friends and family wouldn’t mind losing, a mere waste of space.

But still, you breathe out an exasperated sigh, bottling up your true emotion as you decided to become the mature one in this argument. You looked up with him with an assertive look in your eye, silently telling ‘Tsunotarou’ to not pressure you with nonsensical reasoning any longer. “...Look, I know you’re making it sound that easy but Tsunotarou...It’s really not.” You said, calming yourself down before standing up. “I don’t want this to become a big deal. You’re a friend, after all and I don’t like fighting with my friends for something so trivial.”

You dusted off invisible dust in your clothes and gave him your usual smile. “I’m ending this conversation, alright? This is for the sake of both you and I.” You said as your friend merely stared at you. “...Maybe you don’t understand right now. So, I’ll give you some time to do so. You weren’t in the ceremony as a witness, after all.”

“I’ll go back in my dorm now, Grimm probably fell of the bed again.” You giggled at the image in your head as you looked back at him with a gentle smile. You didn’t even know how that smile was the exact reason why your ‘Tsunotarou’ fell for you this hard. The exact reason why you didn’t notice how his eyes darken at your figure, his fist slowly clenching tight. “Goodnight, Tsunotarou...I...appreciate your feelings...”

Your voice suddenly slurred, an overwhelming feeling of wanting to sleep had suddenly wrapped itself around your very being. You suddenly felt like your balance was being stripped away from you, causing you to stumble a bit. “...B-but...I hope we can still...be friends...?” You ended up finishing your sentence with a question. It was unintentional and you didn’t know why. You looked up at ‘Tsunotarou’ who didn’t seem to be too bothered at your current behavior.

Your sight was beginning to blur, the horned fae in front of you was barely visible. Had his eyes always been glowing like that? There were dark spots in the corner of your eyes and your eyelids felt really heavy all of a sudden. “...Huh?” Came in your final word.

Finally, your eyes fall into a close as your body collapsed but luckily, ‘Tsunotarou’ was already there, ready to catch you. He ceased the green light emitting from both his eyes and his magical pen once he was sure you were deep in a slumber. He felt your body moving in synch with your breathing, his magic had done its job well this time again. Even in secrecy.

‘Tsunotarou’ carried your body in a bridal style manner, embracing your warmth against his chest.

“...No, my little human. You are the one who doesn’t understand.”

With that, the green fireflies that made the place brim with beauty disappeared as if they weren’t even there in the first place. Along with the all-mighty fae, lovingly caressing a fair, human being in his arms.

The moon was indeed very beautiful tonight. Illuminating upon the sacred place where love had reached a new level of commitment.

♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎

Continue the Spice~?

WELP I currently have a lot of pending request! I’m gonna be closing off the request box for now, okay~?

#yandere twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland #malleus draconia #yandere malleus draconia #diasomnia #sinfic #spicy dream #yandere

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koreanmadeingreece · 3 years

Text

Why, why, why (9)

University student!Yuta x reader

Genre: slight enemies to lovers au, a bit of angst, a lot of fluff, and several mixups

Summary: You just got into uni and decided to move in with your childhood friend!Taeyong at the city where you are going to study. As you’re about to start your new, adult life, you meet his friends, and you realize that not everyone likes you. Nakamoto Yuta in particular almost seems like he hates you.

A/N: In this fic, Jonghyun from NU’EST appears for a while (just to avoid confusion).

Warnings: n/a (I think some fu and shi words?)

Word count: 1.7K

Part 9/11 (I think) First / Previous / Next

Taglist: @melitadala @chxotickpoptrash @aiforyuu @fineapplehoe (let me know if you’d like to be tagged!)

The next day found you in a state of distress. You barely got your things from your room and stuffed them into your bag, certain that you had forgotten something, yet classes were the last thing in your mind. All you could think about was the previous night, and more importantly, what you were going to do about him.

It was a fact that he was attractive. He wasn’t just physically attractive; he was one of the most interesting people you’d ever met. He was good at his field of studies, but you knew he was an amazing dancer, as you’d seen him dance with Taeyong every now and then. He was intelligent, but at the same time completely oblivious of his surroundings. In other words, you found him both mesmerizing and adorable, and that wasn’t helping you.

It was also a fact that you were dating someone else and that you couldn’t let this happen. You were determined to stop this before even happening, by finding him that same day and spending some time with him to clear the waters. He probably didn’t want it to happen either and he was just caught up in the heat of the moment. That late at night, alone, with a pretty view, that was the perfect setting.

You put your lipstick on and took your jacket. You also grabbed Yuta’s charger and headed to class, only to find Chan, BamBam and Yugyeom waiting for you at the entrance of your house.

“We’re walking you to class whether you like it or not,” Chan said.

And that was how you ended up describing the entire night to your friends, who could neither believe what happened with Jonghyun nor with Yuta.

“So, wait a second. You’re telling me that it doesn’t concern you that you fantasized about Yuta while you were making out with Jonghyun?” The way BamBam made it sound was awful, yet you were in denial.

“No, I mean, it was just that he was in my mind before that. Seeing him at the entrance and all,” you replied.

“Okay, even if we overlook that part, you guys almost kissed!” Chan added and Yugyeom almost chocked on his water.

“True, but I’m telling you it was the heat of the moment. I was in the mood and all anyway, and I don’t know what goes on in Yuta’s head, so I guess it was just the emotional stress that we had at that moment that led us there. I don’t know how else to describe this.” You sighed.

“So, what will you do now?”

“Well, I have his charger and I’m planning to give it to him after class. We’re going out at six anyway.”

“You really think he’s going to show up after all that?” Chan added and he had a point.

“Then I’ll have to find him.”

The rest of the day was practically the same as all the others. You went to class, took your notes, laughed with your friends, but didn’t visit Jonghyun’s place for your regular coffee. You saw him texting you, wondering where you were, but didn’t think much of it and sent him a text that you were busy that day. It was true since you were going out with Yuta. This whole situation had to be cleared up. You pulled out the uni’s schedule and found out where Yuta’s last class was. You said goodbye to your friends, who begged you not to do anything stupid, and headed to Yuta’s classroom, where you saw him leaving with some of his friends. Jonghyun had a shift at the coffee shop during that time, so he wouldn’t be there.

You took a deep breath and approached him. “Yuta, hi.” You watched him turn around and look at you like he’d seen a ghost.

“Y/N, hi.” He left his friends and came next to you.

“I brought your charger, and I came here because I knew I wouldn’t be able to call you.”

“Oh, um, thanks,” he said, obviously flustered. “Uh…”

“So, should we get going?” you asked, saving him from the awkward moment.

“You mean, like, out?” he asked.

“Yeah. Do you know any good places for coffee or drinks?”

“I know a good cocktail house if you’re interested,” he said, still unsure of what was going on. He wasn’t going to question it though, hoping that you hadn’t taken seriously what had happened the other night. You were dating someone else after all.

You walked for a while and found the place he told you about. You sat at a corner table just to be able to look at the rest of the customers as they passed by. It was something you occasionally liked to do. You talked about your day, your classes, and a horrible professor that gives a hard time to his students. You seemed to be hitting it off quite well, which was relatively weird, considering how awkward the previous night had left the both of you. That was what you were thinking about all night, not wanting to end your conversation in order to bring up an issue that would probably resolve on its own.

At least that was what you thought while drinking the first cocktail. The second came, and you had started loosening up. You could see that he was more relaxed around you too, as he was making more jokes and he was laughing more. Sometimes you told him jokes only to see him smile, as his smile could literally light up the entire room.

“Yuta,” you said.

“Yeah, Y/N?” he replied, in a fake-serious attitude, trying to be funny.

“I’m not saying this as a joke. I’m having fun with you. I like it that we’re hanging out. We should do this more often, if you want to as well.”

“Yeah, it would be…nice.” You could see him retreat into his own world for a few seconds before the effect of the alcohol made him loosen up again.

After your night out, you hadn’t discussed a single thing with him. It was as if last night had never happened, but at the same time as if it had changed everything between you. In your mind, you were getting closer to each other. You were becoming friends. You could be comfortable around him from then on, and you could, for example, tell him to come over again that night when he offered to walk you home.

You walked inside the apartment together and saw Taeyong, V and Johnny sitting at the living room. “So, here you are,” Taeyong said.

“Yeah, we went out for drinks. Sorry we didn’t tell you guys,” Yuta replied.

“It’s okay if you’re finally okay around each other. As long as you’re not fighting, we’re fine,” Johnny reassured him, but you could see Taeyong had something else on his mind.

“Y/N, can I talk to you inside?” he said and led you inside his room, while Yuta joined the others. He closed the door and looked at you dead in the eye. “What are you doing?”

“What do you mean?”

“I was half-asleep last night, and I didn’t react, but I saw you guys. I saw how you were looking at each other and I know that look.” He crossed his arms.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Yeah, there was a heated moment, but that’s it. It’s over now.”

“I don’t know how you can be so insensitive. You’re the one with the boyfriend. You’re the one who pulls all the strings, because he’s helpless as far as you’re concerned. I didn’t say anything until now because I thought that with your boyfriend and all he would forget about it eventually, but apparently you’re giving him ground to move!” Taeyong was whispering, but it was like he was yelling at you.

“What are you talking about? He hated me until a few days ago. He can’t be that in love with me!” you protested.

“He hasn’t told me anything, but I know it when I see it happen. I’ve seen it before. Get your shit together and stop giving him false hope.” He was right. If Yuta had feelings for you, which you were sure he didn’t, you had to do something about it. The truth was that this wasn’t the perfect timing for this to happen. You had started developing feelings for him as well and you didn’t want to admit it to yourself. You liked Jonghyun. He was perfect for you, and you were determined to cherish this feeling.

“Fine. I’ll be careful from now on. I’m still not convinced that he likes me though.

What Taeyong told you that night really got to you. Spending time with Yuta, getting closer and closer to him as time went by, it was a strange feeling for you. It wasn’t like you were with his other friends, because you sometimes spent time with them as well. He was different, and you knew it. It scared you, even. You didn’t know why and how he affected you so much, but you were determined not to let this happen. You knew where your place was, and that was next to Jonghyun.

That night, you only went back to your living room to say goodnight to everyone and didn’t come out again. You changed into your pajamas and laid on your bed, grabbing your phone to spend some time scrolling on tumblr to forget what had just happened. You just wanted to relax and to think that everything would resolve on its own eventually, so your social media accounts were exactly what you needed.

At some point, you heard a knock on your door. “Can I come in?” It was Yuta.

“Uh, yeah,” you replied, and the door opened. You saw him get a bit flustered to see you in your shorts and crop top, but you tried to brush it off.

“Why didn’t you come back inside?” he asked, and he was right. You had disappeared right after your night out, which wasn’t the most logical thing to have happened.

“I’m just feeling a bit tired, really. Maybe I had too much to drink.” That was a blatant lie, and you knew it.

“Are you sure it’s not anything else?” he asked. He had every right to ask. You had practically ghosted him.

“Yeah, don’t worry about me.” You smiled at him, hoping that he’d smile back. You wanted to see him smile once more before the night ended, because it could be the last time that you’d be the one to make him smile.

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crystalgirl259 · 3 years

Text

How to Train Your Dragonblood 3: The Dragonblood Alpha Ch4

"Ground all dragonbloods!" Cliff shouted at the top of his lungs as he ran through the underground stone corridor to the hanger. Jay and Kai were trailing after the chief as he ran ahead, bellowing orders to anyone who would listen. Cole and Ed were also following them, also concerned about Cliff's fear. The others were following Cliff's orders and locking down the island, even though some of the dragonbloods weren't happy about it. They hated being controlled and ordered around, especially after all those years of being enslaved by that monster at the nest.

Unfortunately, as they were living on Cliff's island, they had to live by his rules.

As soon as Jay confirmed Iron Baron's name, it was like Cliff suddenly became a completely different person. One not seen by his family or anyone in Ninjago. As he was growing up, Jay had seen his father in chief mode, father mode, over-protective mode, and sometimes he could just be an insensitive and condescending jerk. This Cliff was very different, however. He looked downright terrified as he ran around the hanger, and it was very unnerving for Jay to see.

"What?! Why?" Jay cried in shock, but Cliff ignored his son.

"Seal the gates! Lower the storm doors!" He shouted as they entered a bigger cavern. Jay tried to keep up while Kai followed him, just as bewildered.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait, wait, what is happening?" The brunette asked as everyone rushed around.

"Come on, you heard the man, lock it down!" Ed echoed around the underground cave with dragonbloods and humans milling around as the group climbed down the stairs, one-half alert and the other half confused. People began to pull down levers and the gate that led outside slowly closed.

"No dragonblood or man sets foot off this island until I give the word!" Cliff bellowed and dragonbloods and humans start running around in near panic at their Chief's sudden alarm. Cliff ignored the stairs and jumped down the platform along with Kai and Ed.

"Wait, all this because some weird guy you knew is stirring up troubles on some faraway land?" Jay asked in shock. He had never seen his father run from anything in his life. Without warning, Cliff suddenly got into his son's face, a look of fear, anger, and determination plastered on his face.

"Because Iron Baron is a madman, without conscience or mercy, and if he's built a dragonblood army... Gods help us all!" He muttered in horror before he started to scream orders at his men again as he paced around. Jay wasn't discouraged by this and caught up to him, cutting off his path. Ed had to give the kid some points for audacity. He had always known the lad had it in him to stand up to his own father.

"Let's ride back out there," Jay suggested, trying to be positive. "We'll follow those trappers to Iron Baron and talk some sense into him."

"No! We fortify the island!" Cliff insisted.

"It's our duty to keep the peace!" Jay argued.

"Peace is over, Jay! I must prepare you for war."

"War!?" Kai exclaimed in shock. He could tell Cliff was scared of the Iron Baron, so was Kai, but the brunette didn't expect it to go so far.

"Dad, if this Iron Baron is coming for the dragonbloods, we can't wait around for him to get here! Let's go find him and change his mind!" Jay pushed, but the chief was too stubborn to listen.

"No, some minds won't be changed, Jay; Ninjago is what you need to worry about! A Chief protects his own!" He snapped at the young man before turning back to the panicking humans and dragonbloods running around the hanger. "Secure the stables! Latch every stall!" He ordered as he ran ahead, leaving Jay and Kai alone in the middle of the hanger. As he left, Jay looked at Kai and gave his hotheaded boyfriend a comforting look, sensing his unease.

The Fire Dragonblood then went and gently touched his arm, already knowing he was up to something from his determined look.

"Jay, don't!" He tried to reason with his boyfriend, but Jay was just as stubborn as his father.

"I have to baby, you know that." He replied as he leaned down for a quick peck on Kai's cheek and that was all it took to convince Kai into transforming into his dragon form. Cliff saw the flash of Kai's transformation, but before he could turn around completely, Jay was already on top of Kai's dragon form and then they were in the air and swooping underneath the closing hanger gate. The couple tried to find a way out as the windows and other openings of the cave were closing off.

Luckily, they managed to get into the open air before the last gate was closed.

As the Chief and Ed watch him go, another dragon swooped down behind them and takes after them. When they saw what was happening, Pixal also transformed and she and Zane chased after the pair. Zane frowned as the gate slowly rose and the light was blocked but in the last second, he and Zane were out right before the entrance was locked. Cliff sighed and shook his head as he watched his son and Zane fly off into the distance...

****************

As the sun began to set, a ship was sailing in the icy sea near some huge cliffs. At the front of the ship stood Clutch Powers, watching the horizon before he walked back on the deck where his men were working and pulling ropes. They all had to keep their eyes peeled. With this wind, they would reach Iron Baron by daybreak so they had to fill up the ship with dragonbloods and quick. It was no time to be picky. Not with riders showing up to rescue their targets almost every night.

He just couldn't understand how anyone could like those flying, murderous, monsters.

As Clutch examined his maps, trying to pinpoint the most recent dragonblood sightings with their route, one of the sailors looked in the sky, and Clutch noticed that and followed his gaze. Everyone was watched the two dragonbloods appeared in the distance and flew towards them. Clutch brightened up at the sight of two healthy-looking targets.

"Get them, lads! Take them down! He ordered as he aimed the crossbow with a satisfied smirk. It was wiped off, however, when he realized who the dragonbloods were. The same riders and dragonbloods that they had met earlier that day. As the men around him yelled and prepared themselves for capture while Clutch frowned and pulled the machine.

"You're not getting away this time!" He shouted at the riders.

"Jaybird, please tell me you have a plan at least." Kai gulped mentally as they flew closer to the ship. The ginger-haired man didn't say anything to his boyfriend, however. He wasn't confident enough to even look at him. "YOU DON'T HAVE A PLAN!?" He roared, catching Zane and Pixal's attention.

"Is everything alright?" Zane asked in worry, but Jay gave him a comforting smile.

"Yeah, we're good, Kai's just being paranoid as per usual." He reassured as he petted the Fire Dragonblood's head. Kai only snorted in disbelief, but before he could respond, Clutch started firing net at them. The launched nets were gracefully avoided and Kai got closer to the ship until he could leap on the deck with Pixal following seconds after. Jay removed his helmet while Zane spun his large shurikens and Clutch takes out his blade.

"And here I was worried I may turn up empty-handed," Clutch smirked as he prepared for the riders to make the first strike.

"Nope! It's your lucky day, we're here to give up." Jay chirped as he held out a hand for Zane to put down his weapon and for Pixal and Kai to return to their human forms, which they all did. The hunters and Clutch were shocked to see the dragonbloods transform into humans. They knew dragonbloods could do this, but they rarely saw this. When they all finally registered Jay's words, everyone blinked in shock. Even Kai and Pixal were confused, and Kai practically shared a mind with him.

What was his human boyfriend up to?

Zane looked at him like he was crazy as Jay put his arms up in surrender. Everybody else was too busy gawking to even remember to pick up their fallen jaws. Clutch also almost dropped his knife as he raised a confused eyebrow. Jay and Zane walked away from their dragonbloods and Jay leaned down to take a net.

"That's one Fire Dragonblood, one Ice Dragonblood, and two of the finest riders from the sunny island of Ninjago; that ought to make the boss happy, right?" He smirked as he suddenly threw the net over his three friends all froze in shock. Kai really hoped Jay did have a plan or else the human would be sleeping outside for a week. Mutters of insane and worried rumbles flew in the air around them. Pixal mentally begging the crazy boy who apparently was willing to sell them to a bunch of hunters to explain himself faster or she would happily freeze him right where he stood.

Jay said nothing to his friends as he pushed Zane's shurikens into Clutch's hands, who was still rooted to the spot and watching Jay in disbelief. He backed off when Kai bared his fangs at him to follow.

Jay then shoved out of the way the weapons of the dumbstruck crew while Zane, Kai, and Pixal finally got the net off. They all climbed down in a cage built below the ship while the men are still watching.

"What are you doing Jaybird?" Kai hissed at his boyfriend as Jay followed after him, pulling down the barred opening. This only made Kai more worried as he was a bit lost by his boyfriend's actions. They were among enemies yet the boy and Zane were not aggressive. Granted he somehow doubted Jay would ever intentionally be aggressive. He just didn't seem to carry that type of intimidating aura like his fellow humans. He was also concerned that he willingly entered a cage.

He whined in his throat at Jay's confusing gestures that made a dragonblood as mighty as he behaves like a mother watching its hatchling from falling out of the sky.

For the life of him, Kai just couldn't understand his human, boyfriend, rider sometimes.

"Kai, just relax." Jay pleaded as he turned back to the hunters. "Dragonbloods don't really care for cramped spaces, but they won't be any trouble." He promised, but this had a very opposite effect to what he was hoping for. The people suddenly pointed all of their weapons at the Fire Dragonblood, making Kai jump in fright as he transformed, eyes like needles and back arched like a cat. Pixal quickly followed his lead, also feeling incredibly threatened.

She had spent many long and grueling months locked up in a cage in the arena back in Ninjago, so this was all brought back some very painful memories.

Zane seemed to sense this and gently rubbed her head to help her relax. It worked, but only a little bit. Kai lowered his body to the ground and growled. Jay resisted the urge to roll his eyes as he poked his head through the bars. Clutch stared at him with a flat look. Beside him, a hooded man fidgeted with his weapon. After a short staring contest, Clutch rolled his eyes to the sky when a sword sticks out of the cage. The crew jumps back when it lit up in flames.

Jay popped out again, hitting his head as if reprimanding himself for not remembering.

"Can't have armed prisoners." He smiled as he gave the sword to a man while down below Ka, Zane, and Pixal watched everything unfold with trepidation.

"How is this a plan?" Kai mentally glared at the back of his head. But Jay was more focused on the trappers and gaining their trust.

"Just what every dragonblood trapper needs." He smiled as the men inspected the device he made curiously. One end coated the blade in saliva from Kai's dragon form and the other sprayed gas from Tox. As the men looked at the weapon, they accidentally activated the gas. They desperately tried to shut it off, and Clutch stepped away while another man clicked the lighter by mistake. Jay ducked below as an explosion rocked the deck. The two men that caused the explosion were covered in soot and coughing.

A spark was floating around and glided into the cage.

Without thinking, Kai and Pixal leaped onto their back legs and played with it, trying to be the first to catch it with their paws. Jay almost squealed at the sight and Zane smiled. Despite being intelligent, powerful creatures, dragonbloods were still animals deep down. Jay would even use light reflecting off his knife to make a little dot for Kai to chase like a cat. When he finally regained his senses and the spark faded, Kai moaned and covered his face with a paw.

He hated it when he acted cute when he was supposed to be daunting and remarkable.

He always told Jay and anyone that he was a fearless creature, not some cuddly toy. Having enough of the show, Clutch stomped to the men and grabbed the sword before he turned to Jay.

"What game are you playing?" He demanded.

"Eh, no game, ee just want to meet the Iron Baron." He shrugged innocently.

"Why?"

"Because I'm going to change his mind about dragonbloods." He replied, looking more serious than Clutch had thought the small man was capable of and the crew started to laugh. Zane sighed in disagreement but said nothing.

"Some minds cannot be changed, Jaybird, you really have to understand that." Kai mentally mumbled with a tired thought when Jay caught his eye he shook his head and that visibly hit the ginger-haired man judging by his surprised look. The teen was silent as he stared back until he finally gathered his thoughts.

"Well, you changed yours, so did my Dad and all of Ninjago." He shot back just as determined but a tad more subdued, and Kai looked away. Zane and Pixal shared a look, knowing that the couple were having a private talk, and were feeling very uncomfortable at being in the middle. When he knew he had won their short argument, Jay slowly climbed out of the cage and was joined by Zane and the two dragonbloods. The trappers raised their weapons but waited for Clutch's command.

"He can be very persuasive," Zane added, trying to help his friend.

"Once you gain their loyalty there is nothing a dragonblood won't do for you." Jay smiled as he scratched the Fire Dragonblood's ear fondly, demonstrating their close bond and showing Kai he wasn't upset with him. But Clutch was still not convinced.

"You won't be changing any minds around here." He snorted.

"I can change yours right here, right now." He promised as he reached for Kai's flying gear, pulling a lever that spread the prosthetic tailfin.

"You sure about this Jaybird?" Kai asked nervously, but his boyfriend sent him as much love and reassurance as he could through their link. Once he was sure Kai would be alright, Jay turned back to Clutch.

"May I?" He asked as he extended his hand for Clutch to take. Only he didn't get the chance to do anything because all of a sudden, a dark green shape moved across the ship and snatched him away. Another dragonblood flew by and ripped the sails. Within seconds, the trapper's ship was surrounded by a few dragonbloods. The sailors tried to stay on their feet as Clutch glanced around at the sky for the assailants. Fearing for his boyfriend, Kai leaped onto the mast and sails growling loudly, until he stopped when he saw they were the other riders from Ninjago.

He was relieved to see Jay in Morro's claws.

"Put me down! Harumi, what are you doing?!" Jay screeched as he struggled in the Wind Dragonblood's claws, but Harumi and Morro had to suddenly duck with everyone else as the trappers started firing nets at them. As most of the riders managed to dodge the nets, Dareth and Tox weren't as fast and one of the nets wrapped around them. They would have fallen into the icy sea if Rocky hadn't caught them in the air. The Earth Dragonblood hovered in place as Cole climbed down and cut the net away with a knife, freeing the pair.

While they were all distracted, Jay finally managed to push his legs up and released himself from Morro's grip.

As he fell headfirst he looped his hands through the bands around his legs and unfolded his wings. On the deck, Zane rushed Clutch and pushed him away from the catapult, but the net was still fired. Luckily, Jay avoided it as he glided back down to the ship. He grabbed a rope from a sail and slid down on the deck. Kai jumped beside him as he took off the wings and nuzzled the human affectionately. He would have transformed and hugged Jay, but he still didn't feel safe enough to do that yet.

"What are you guys doing here?!"

"We're here to rescue you!

"We don't need to be rescued!

"Enough!" A voice suddenly boomed and a large dragonblood made of metal landed behind a sail, with Cliff Gordon as the rider and Ed as a back passenger. This was Karloff, a large Metal Dragonblood. A couple of years ago, Jay finally convinced his father to partner up with a dragonblood like almost everyone else in Ninjago. After many failed attempts to connect with a dragonblood, Cliff met Karloff in a local tavern and the two of them hit it off right away.

They were now regular drink buddies and partnered up whenever Cliff needed a dragonblood.

Karloff roared in agreement with his rider and Jay turned just as the Chief hopped down with a thud on the floor.

"Well, you just picked the wrong ship!" Clutch sneered as he gestured angrily at them. Cliff just heaved a sigh in frustration. Before the lead trapper could say another word, the chief grabbed his face without a word and pushed him away, being in no mood to deal with other people with attitude problems. He slid down and as he tried to stand, Zane hit him in the head, knocking him back down. Before he could get up again, Pixal suddenly pinned Clutch down, her icy breath leaving bits of frost in his face and hair.

Clutch was smart enough to stop struggling.

"Does anybody else want to try anything?" Cliff growled and the crew reluctantly lowered their weapons. They may be skilled in the art of Dragonblood hunting, but they weren't stupid enough to take on eight different Dragonbloods and nine humans. "That's what I figured." Cliff huffed and turned to glare at Jay. "You, saddle up; we're going home."

"No." Jay snapped. It was so blunt that Cliff almost fell over. That ungrateful, idiotic son of his! What had he done to deserve so much grief from his family? First Libber and now Jay? It must have come from her side of the family, no doubt about it.

"Of all the irresponsible–"

"I'm trying to protect our dragonbloods and stop a war! How is that irresponsible?!"

"BECAUSE WAR IS WHAT HE WANTS, SON!" Cliff shouted louder than he had in his life. The exasperation in his voice had Jay freeze and Cliff realized he had to explain. With a heavy sigh, he began to tell the story of Iron Baron. "Years ago there was a great gathering of chieftains to discuss the dragonblood scourge we all faced." He started and Ed gripped his friend's arm tightly. The Chief was rubbing his eyes and frowning. Ed had a feeling that by the end of this his friend would have aged decades.

Who could have thought that something so old and gone would surge from the folds of the past and haunt him so much?

As Cliff recounted his encounter with the Iron Baron, his mind flashed to the past. A younger Cliff looked around at the other chiefs sitting on high chairs as a pale, hunched figure was stepping in their middle.

"Into our midst came a stranger from a strange land, covered in scars and draped in a cloak of dragon skin; he carried no weapon and spoke softly, saying that he, Iron Baron was a man of the people devoted to free mankind from the tyranny of dragonbloods." He said as he remembered the man speaking to the chiefs and Cliff leaned down in his chair, scratching his chin as he listened with the others. "He claimed that he alone could control all the dragonbloods and that he alone can keep us safe if, we chose to bow down and follow him." He sighed sadly as the sound of the other chiefs laughing rowdily at the man's boldness still ringing in his ears.

In the present day, the teens all started laughing too, Dareth and Plundar the loudest.

Ronin was laughing so loud that he had to wipe a tear from his eye.

"Yeah, we all laughed too; until he wrapped himself in his cloak and cried out: Then see how well you do without me." Cliff shuddered at the memory. "Then the rooftops of the meeting hall suddenly burst into flames and from it armies of dragonbloods descended, burning everything to the ground!" He hissed angrily before it melted into a look of sorrow and regret. "I... was the only one to escape." He muttered and everyone on the deck fell silent at the confession.

Jay still wasn't convinced, however, and everyone could see it.

"Men who kill without reason cannot be reasoned with." Cliff tried to convince him, but as usual, his son was stubborn.

"Maybe, but I'm still going to try." Jay insisted as he walked away. Clutch followed Jay with his gaze as the younger man Jay hopped onto the Fire Dragonblood, just as surprised as the chief. "This is what I'm good at, and if I could change your mind, then I can change his too." He added, sounding sincere but determined at the same time. Ed smiled at his apprentice's courage while the Chief shook his head. With one thought from Jay, Kai took off and Cole runs over to Rocky to follow.

"Let's go!" He ordered to the other riders, but Cliff grabbed his arm.

"No, lead the others back to Ninjago; I've had enough mutiny for one day." He growled as he stepped away from the Earth Dragonblood and his rider. Down with Clutch, Pixal still had him pinned to the deck until Zane managed to pull her off. As quickly as they had appeared, the riders all flew from the trappers' boat, with Ed and Cliff chasing after Jay and Kai and the others heading back to Ninjago. Clutch couldn't move from the deck, too shocked and confused by what just happened...

#how to train your dragonblood #ninjago #ninjago jay #ninjago kai #ninjago cole #ninjago zane #ninjago pixal #ninjago harumi #ninjago shade #ninjago plundar #ninjago dareth #ninjago ronin #ninjago morro #ninjago tox #plasmashipping

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elliemarchetti · 3 years

Note

Do you plan to update your red queen fanfics anytime soon?

I take the opportunity of this ask to publish the update of Pride and Prejudice AU but apart from this story, which I intend to finish as soon as possible, I am not sure that I will continue the others, as long as I no longer receive feedback and some requests on how to continue. I hope you enjoy this chapter and quench your thirst for new Red Queen fanfiction! @lilyharvord I must also apologize to you for the very long wait, but life has definitely come between me and my interests

Part 1

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Part 6

Words: 2450

After breakfast, the girls took a walk in the village to find out if Mr. Maven was back, and to complain about his absence at the ball. He joined them as soon as they entered the city and he and Mr. Thomas took them home, a double advantage, as Mare could spend time with him undisturbed and the opportunity was propitious to present him to her father and mother. Immediately upon returning home, Miss Skonos was delivered a letter which was immediately opened: the envelope contained an elegant sheet of satin filled paper with beautiful, flowing feminine handwriting, which however changed her expression as she read it. It was from Evangeline Samos, and what it contained surprised her greatly, as the whole party had left the Stilts, with no intention of returning. When, later, Mare too was able to read it, she looked at the high-sounding expressions used with all the indifference of suspicion and, although surprised by the rapidity of that departure, she saw nothing really worrying: there was nothing to suggest that their absence would also prevent Mr. Samos from returning, and about the loss of their company, she was convinced that Wren would’ve certainly stopped worrying about it, being able to enjoy his. Sure it was unfortunate that she hadn't been able to see her friends again before they left the countryside, and that none of them were willing to return that winter, but wasn't that the reason why those who could afford it owned two houses?

"But you don't know everything. I'll read you the passage that particularly hurt me, since I don't want to hide anything from you," added her friend, and finally Mare noticed the second sheet she was holding in her hands.

"I am truly convinced that my dear friend, Lady Elane Haven, has no equal in terms of beauty, elegance and quality, and I don't think I'm at fault if I take it for granted that you agree with me. The affection she has inspired me for years is intensified by something even more significant, namely the hope of soon being able to call her my sister-in-law. I don't know if I have ever told you my feelings about it, but I won’t leave without trusting you, and I believe you won’t find them unreasonable. My brother already admires her very much, all her relatives desire this union for her as much as we do, and I don't think I am deceived by the partiality of a sister if I say that Ptolemus is certainly capable of winning the heart of any woman. With all these circumstances in favour of a bond and none that can prevent it, I am perhaps wrong to indulge in the hope of an event that will ensure the happiness of this many people?"

Mare was stunned. So this was the plan, it wasn't a marriage already orchestrated between Miss Samos and the General, but between her friend and her brother! Wren, however, didn’t want to believe her, and her words about the undeniable affection he felt for her seemed to do nothing but further hurt her broken heart as upstream they didn’t think the same about the letter's emissary, for not to mention that she was convinced that she wouldn’t be able to derive any joy from a marriage to a man whose friends and relatives hoped he would marry another woman.

"You must be the one to decide," said Mare, "and if after mature reflection you discover that the pain of doing a rudeness to his sister is greater than the happiness of being his wife, I certainly recommend you to refuse.”

These words brought Wren a smile, as they both knew perfectly well that she wouldn’t hesitate to accept his proposal, but the shadow of the possibility that he wouldn’t return in six months continued to cast a dark shadow on the general mood, to the point that only Diana’s invitation, addressed to both of them, managed to dispel that constant thought a little, replacing it with genuine curiosity, since she and Wren were by no means intimate enough for such a proposal. The answer to all their questions, however, came the next day when the Colonel's daughter told them that she needed female help, and that Mare was too involved to be the only opinion she would hear. From anyone else, this would’ve been an intolerable rudeness, but Mare knew her friend well, and if it was about romance, an assumption that soon turned out to be correct, she didn't want to be wrong and analyzed every single detail to the point of making the least gesture the most rational. The summary of the matter, however, was that Mr. Jesper had woken up early the previous morning, and unannounced, had gone under her window to ask her for a clandestine meeting. Diana accepted, and he, very awkwardly, revealed his interest in her, as well as his intention to marry her, if she accepted. The entire Farley family would’ve been thrilled with the event, but she had asked him for time to think about it, although she was already certain that she wouldn’t come to any conclusion alone, so she had bestowed that invitation. Wren, who was good-natured, greatly appreciated the gesture, and considered it an unspoken compliment to her sensibility and handling of the matter with Mr. Samos, so she quickly got busy, and all the years they had spent politely ignoring each other were recovered within an afternoon. Mare, however, wasn’t so well disposed towards the idea: she appreciated that Diana had asked for more help to reach the most favourable of conclusions, but she would’ve preferred that she had talked about it with her brother, as Shade had been silently courting her for years, and watched her from afar become the only woman he certainly wanted to marry; the prospect that she might want another man had bothered him and not a little, Mare had noticed, although she hadn't said anything, too absorbed in her own problems, but the real possibility that she might decide to marry another man would certainly have prompted him to declare himself, and everyone knew that those two were meant for each other, something that she wanted to remind to her friend.

"Mr. Jesper is smart and pleasant, and it’s certainly inviting for a woman to be the only one who can put a man at ease, not to say reassuring, even if he doesn’t seem like that kind of person. On the other hand, I can already see the blame on your face, Mare, and I want you to remember that your friendship is the thing I care about most in the world and even if I know how you feel, remember I too would behave differently if my perspectives were different, but they’re not, so I’m just asking you to be happy for me if I accept.”

"I will be," Mare assured her, though she wasn't sure she would ever be able to rejoice in her brother's unhappiness, "I just ask you to tell Shade before making any decisions. Do you think you can?"

To the affirmative answer of the other, Mare waited a time that she considered reasonable and took leave, followed by Wren, who asked her if she wanted to be accompanied home, which Mare refused, determined to be left alone with her considerations. It took her time before she could reconcile herself with the idea of such an inappropriate union as she never imagined that, once called to decide, her friend would sacrifice all her best feelings. The next day, Mare was sitting with her mother and sister when Colonel Farley appeared and requested an audience with Mr. Barrow. Terrified of what might have happened, Mare remained tense the entire time they spent in the library, but the tones never rose, and when he left, the Colonel looked as calm as when he arrived. Mare waited a while before reaching her father and asking him what had happened, fearing a reproach for her advice to her friend, which could’ve broken the relationship between the two families, if the situation between Diana and Shade had been from her misunderstood, but he replied very calmly, saying he was happy and satisfied that Miss Farley, whom he had always thought fairly intelligent, wasn’t as foolish as his wife or daughter Gisa. Although this didn’t gave an explicit answer to her question, it reassured Mare, who was convinced that she could get more direct answers once her brother, who had gone out with Bree and Tramy, returned, as she didn’t want to be pressing with Diana, who could also have took offense at how things went the last time they met. At first, Shade seemed a little surprised by all that attention, but when he realized that Mare’s wasn’t just a fervent desire to know some new gossip but real concern, he told her not to worry, and that everything would turn out right in due time, a time that however established a reserve between the two friend that became a silence so heavy that convinced Mare their confidence was stained forever. Furthermore, these gloomy feelings certainly didn’t help Wren's mood, who hadn’t heard from Mr. Samos for a week and hadn’t even received an answer to her letter for his sister. Even Mare was beginning to have fears, not so much that Mr. Samos was indifferent, but that his sister could keep him far. Reluctant as she was to admit such a devastating idea to the happiness of the only friend she had left, and so dishonourable about the constancy of her love, she couldn't help but think about it often. The united efforts of two insensitive women and a friend so influential, favoured by the charm and amusement of Archeon, might’ve proved to be too much, so she feared, for strength of his affection. As for Wren, her anxiety about that uncertainty was, of course, more painful than Mare's, but whatever she felt she just wanted to hide it, and therefore between her and her friend there were never any allusions to that subject. The mother, on the other hand, wasn’t held back by such delicacy and hardly an hour passed without speaking of Mr. Samos, expressing the impatience for his return, or even asking her daughter to admit that if he didn't come back she would feel treated very bad. It took all of Wren's mild steadfastness to endure those attacks with acceptable tranquillity, which diminished, however, upon the arrival of Miss Samos' letter of reply, which removed any doubt about their winter accommodation, they would have settled in the General's residence, and, according to Wren, also regarding the feelings of Mr. Samos towards Lady Haven. Mare paid no attention to those speculations, she hadn’t seen, in fact, any warmth between the two in the time they had spent at the Hall of the Sun, but the fact that Evangeline was so evil she could take pleasure in the idea of undermine her own brother’s happiness, and in such a mean way, filled her with indignation and resentment, equal only to the concern she felt for her friend, who had fallen in love with a man of such lightness of character, a slave to intriguing friend, willing to sacrifice his own happiness at the whim of their desires. If, however, it was only his happiness

that was sacrificed, he could play with it as he wanted, but it was also Wren's that was involved and she believed he should be aware of it. In short, it was a topic that could’ve been thought about for a long time, even if, perhaps, to no avail, but she could do nothing else, and whether Mr. Samos's affection had really died down or had been suffocated by the interference of his friends, whether he had been aware of Wren's feelings or they had escaped his observation, in any case, even if the judgment would’ve been concretely influenced in the different hypotheses, the situation remained the same, and the peace of the girl equally wounded. It was a couple of days after, that Wren found the courage to talk about her feelings with Mare, but in the end, left alone by Mrs. Skonos, after a longer than usual rant on the Hall of the Sun and his owner, she said: "Oh! If my dear mother controlled herself more, she has no idea how much pain her constant considerations about him give me. But I don't want to complain, since it won't last long. He will be forgotten, and we will all be as before."

Mare looked at her friend with affectionate disbelief, but said nothing, although the doubt about those words could be read on her face like lines from an open book. Wren blushed: she knew that this man, who had been so lovable to her, would live forever in her memory, but that was all. If she had something to hope, fear, or even blame him for, the situation would’ve been different, and time would’ve done nothing but make the pain greater, but in that case she had the immediate comfort that it was nothing more than an error of her imagination, which had hurt no one but herself. If she had said those words aloud, Mare would’ve told her she was too good, and she would’ve attributed ethereal adjectives to her sweetness and impartiality, but it wasn't praise for her character that she needed to hear at the moment, only how much she was loved, words that not even her mother seemed willing to give. Even her father considered it only a mere disappointment, and indeed, he seemed inclined to joke about it when the Barrows went to visit them, inciting Mare to have her own heartbreak with Mr. Maven, who seemed a very nice and stylish man. Regarding him, it can be said that his company helped to dispel the melancholy into which the last, unfortunate events had thrown the two friends, who saw him often and had been able to add to the long list of his qualities the total absence of reserve, as the whole story already exposed to Mare soon became public, and everyone was satisfied thinking about how much they had always thought the General unpleasant before coming to knowledge of the whole matter. The only one who could imagine that there could be some extenuating circumstance in the matter was Miss Skonos, whose mild and firm candour always put forward justifications, and insisted on the possibility that there were misunderstandings, but by all the others the General had been labelled like the worst of men.

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