#wanting it to be Over. wanting not to be left incomplete and empty anymore.

[shadowtraveled]

"mithrun is the only real monsterfucker in dungeon meshi" is objectively the funniest bit you can get out of his everything, but in all seriousness i think his attraction to his love interest is deliberately overstated—and that makes sense, because romantic jealousy is a classic and digestible motive, which is explicitly what kabru was aiming for in condensing mithrun's backstory, and also because until chapter 94, mithrun wasn't willing to admit to the true nature of his desires.

but because romantic envy is both classic and digestible, it probably isn’t a unique enough or complicated enough desire to tempt a demon’s appetite. mithrun’s wish, as far as we can figure from kabru’s reduced retelling, was to have a life in which he had never become one of the canaries, and that carries like 3857 implications and desires within it. that’s delicious. his love interest acts as sort of a red herring to his motivation for making it, though. (side note: i'm saying "love interest" here because, keeping in mind that i barely speak japanese on a good day anymore, "想い人" is something i'd usually take as just kind of an old-fashioned and romantic way to refer to a lover, but in context i wonder if both the connotation of yearning and the vagueness are intentional, and i think this phrasing gets those aspects of it more effectively. anyway.)

mithrun considered his love interest to be untrustworthy. there was a minute where i thought that comment might be about a similar-looking elf (yugin, one of his squad members), but comparing the two…

the "sketchy" arrow is definitely referring to the elf we know as his love interest—the bangs go toward her right, she only has the one forehead ornament, and, most notably, her ears aren't notched.

every time she’s given a full-body depiction in his dungeon, she’s drawn as a chimera, with the body of a snake from the waist down. (side note: the “what if a dungeon has chimeras before reaching level 4?”/“then the dungeon lord is unstable” exchange just being mithrun grilling his past self alive is so funny. he’s so. but anyway) there are a couple things about this.

first, the snake part of the chimera appears to be modeled after some species of coral snake mimic

which, in the biology-for-fun manga, i… doubt is a coincidence, especially with the added context of the “untrustworthy” comment. the dungeon’s conjured illusion of mithrun’s love interest was a harmless copycat of a venomous original. for whatever reason, he felt this person was a threat and made up a "safe" version of her to be in a relationship with, and while it’s definitely possible to be attracted to or even love someone you find to be toxic and/or intimidating, when you take that into consideration alongside the configuration of her body, you get some interesting implications.

which brings us to our second point: if we assume that mithrun was not in fact fucking a snake, then sexual attraction, at least, was so far removed from his idea of a relationship with this person that he did not even bother to keep her dungeon copy human enough to maintain the illusion of the option of a sexual relationship. this is somewhat echoed in the depictions of their interactions, which also imply a frankly unexpected romantic distance. she kisses his cheek and he doesn't seem to react; she's at the edge of a narrow bed with only one set of pillows, on top of his blankets while he's underneath them.

the kiss is particularly interesting because it seems to contrast the text. kabru's narration tells us this was everything mithrun could have asked for, but mithrun is there looking unreadable to pensive, likely because this is right before the panel that makes it clear things in the dungeon are beginning to go wrong.

walking through this backwards for a minute, we have the physical barrier of his bedding and the spatial separation inherent in a bed made for one person, the emotional barrier of his mounting anxiety getting in the way of his ability to enjoy the affection he sought, and... the snake, which historically carries the connotation of temptation, yes, but also mistrust, barring physical intimacy. okay. ok. if a dungeon reflects the mentality of its lord, all of this might suggest that mithrun was not able to have any real desire for a relationship with this person. his unwillingness to be vulnerable or let another person in was insurmountable. but in that case, why was she such a focal point that she remained to the end, after his dungeon had stopped creating iterations of his friends to come and visit him? why would he get so upset over her meeting with his brother that he became lord of a dungeon about it?

well. mithrun's brother was also interested in her, probably genuinely. and mithrun had to win.

you have an older brother who your parents completely ignore, probably in part because he is chronically ill/disabled and almost definitely in part because he received a ton of recessive traits that resulted in rumors that he was an illegitimate child. you are aware, most likely because those same parents fucking told you, that you actually are an illegitimate child. but they keep you around because you had the good fortune of looking just like your mother. what can that possibly teach you but that you, like your brother, are disposable?

it's utterly unsurprising that mithrun, under these circumstances, developed a pathological need to be better than everyone around him. people don't keep you otherwise. i'd argue this is also why he says he looked down on everyone he knew while milsiril claims his dungeon reeked of feelings of inferiority—he sought out people's worst traits and prioritized them in his mind to protect his already extremely fragile sense of self-worth, and all the while he tried to be as likable and high-performing as he possibly could be. his parents disposed of him anyway, but even then he tried to keep up the performance. he was kind to everyone. he never once lost to a dungeon.

when he saw his "love interest" meeting up with his brother, what he saw was himself being replaced by a person his parents had always treated as worthless, and if that was what they thought of the child they'd kept, what value could anyone possibly see in the bastard they'd given away to die? mithrun and kabru tell the story like he wanted to win this unnamed elf's heart, but it was never about being with her. it was about cementing his worth, proving that he didn't deserve to be thrown away.

and so it's particularly cruel that his demon discarded him, too. but maybe it's also particularly gentle that, in the end, there was someone who refused to even consider giving up on him.

kui laid it out in three panels better than i could hope to.

yeah. it's love. you wanted to be loved, even when the only way you were able to understand it was through the desire to be wanted, and you wanted that so badly that the idea of being consumed felt like the promise of finally mattering to someone.

#dungeon meshi spoilers #mithrun #dungeon meshi #this has been rotating for a while but i wanted to check my evidence before getting into it thanks user angelspenance for posting that meme #half of this is just the text and the other half i'm sure has been said before but it's making my brain [radio static] so here this is #someone did for sure mention this but i do find it very cute that in his fucked up conjured world meant to portray his ideal reality #his teammates came to visit him. like part of the fantasy was then explicitly that they cared about him and were his friends. even though #he says he tried to see the worst in them. #hm it does feel important to note that i do also believe 100% in mithrun suicidality--his desire to be eaten does seem to focus a lot on #wanting it to be Over. wanting not to be left incomplete and empty anymore. #but that loops back around a bit to the hole in your heart that appears when you feel unloved. it's many things and the same thing at once #snakes #long post #severe problems #meshy

[spicywhenspeaking]

If I'm There: Chapter Twelve

read from the start

summary: Noah and Natalie meet in high school and developed a relationship through their love of music and art. Falling in love, innocent and young, they think nothing can keep them apart. However, sometimes in the pursuit of your dreams the things we love the most get left behind.

warnings : mentions of alcohol abuse. this story contains mature themes, minors do not interact.

taglist : @lma1986 @cookiesupplier @notingridslurkaccount @blackveilomens @thisbicc @thebadchic

It's the first Saturday in a while that I don’t have work and all I want to do is watch movies and rot in my bed. I decide to wait to talk to Noah about the voicemail, I don't want to think the worst It doesn’t stop the feelings from festering but I’m trying to be mature.

 I head downstairs to grab something to eat for breakfast and I see a letter on the kitchen counter addressed to me. It’s from the scholarship fund I applied for last year. 

Dear Miss Howlston, 

We regret to inform you that we are unable to process your application due to it being incomplete. You are therefore ineligible for the McGovern Scholarship Fund……

My breathing goes rapid as I read the words. Inside is the application I sent in. I flip to the end page, tears welling into my eyes and blurring my vision, and see the highlighted section where my Mom was supposed to sign. It is empty. I asked her over and over and over. I even sat in front of her with a pen but she was too preoccupied with opening her next bottle of wine to pay any attention. I should have just forged it. Why didn’t I forge it?!

“What the fuck.” I whimper out as heavy tears fall like raindrops.

“What the fuck!” I repeat. My limit has been reached. I cannot hold it in anymore.

I crumple the paper, forgetting the bowl of cereal I prepared on the counter, and run upstairs as sobs begin to wrack my body. I get to my room, slam the door, and dive head-first into my pillows as another sob leaves my mouth. I grab my phone and try Noah’s cell, the feelings of jealousy are pushed away for the moment, I just need to talk to him. 

Ring ring ring ring *click* “Hey Natty! It’s Nick, sorry Noah just ran out with Alex to grab everyone coffees. I guess he forgot his phone, what's up?”

 A teenage girl can only handle so much in so little time, I cannot handle this. One hit after the next and now when I need Noah, just to hear him and talk to him he's with some other girl he didn't even tell me about. “Nick, I-” I pause. “Just forget I called. I’ll talk to you later.” I say and as I press the red end-call button I hear Nick's “Wait, Nat-” click. 

The emotions I’m feeling are in an epic battle for dominance. The sadness and anger I feel towards my Mom, the loneliness and heartache I feel towards Noah. Is this life with him? Just waiting and hoping I hear from him. I should have told him how I felt about it before now, now I’m upset. I’m angry. I lay back against the pillows as fresh tears fall onto my cheeks and I hear a soft knock at my door.

“What?” I call out. 

“Um, can I come in?’ Kyle asks softly.

“Sure.” I roll away from the door so my back is facing him as he opens up and takes a step inside. 

“So I saw the letter in the kitchen,” he says and walks towards the bed. I feel it dip as he takes a seat on the corner. “I’m so sorry Nat.”

The tears fall harder and he places his hand gently on my shoulder and squeezes. 

“It was the biggest one” sob “I ca-can’t afford the sc-schools I applied to without it.” I wipe the tears from my eyes. “The money I’ve saved from work is supposed to go towards moving and housing. Fuck. Why did I think art school was a good idea? What was I thinking? I’ll be stuck here for the rest of my life while everyone else is off living their dreams.” I know I’m being melodramatic but I don’t care. 

“I have some money saved from working with Dad this summer,” Kyle tells me in a soft voice. “you could have it for school.”

I turn around, surprised at his offer. “Kyle. I couldn't accept that. You earned that working for Dad, having probably a horrible summer.” He laughs at my comment.

My phone lights up with Noah's contact photo. I stare at it for a few moments before hitting the end call button sending him to voicemail. 

A few seconds later its ringing again and I reject the call and turn off my phone. I just can’t talk to him right now. 

“Um, is everything alright?” Kyle asks awkwardly after noticing me decline Noah’s calls.

“Yeah…well. Sort of? Not really. It’s complicated. I need to talk to him but I don’t want to right now. It’s.-” I look at Kyle and he has an unnatural look of concern on his face. “I know you don't want to hear about my relationship drama. You said so yourself.” 

A look of shame crosses his face. “I was an asshole, in more ways the one and I’m sorry for saying that. You can talk to me about anything Nat.” I sniffle as more tears continue falling. “I appreciate that Ky, I really do. I just don’t want to think about this thing with Noah and this scholarship thing, you know I didn’t even get to apply for financial aid because Mom didn't give me her proof of income. I’m totally screwed.” I wish I could call her. Yell at her for ruining my future. Scream at her for being so selfish, for being sick, for making Kyle and I take care of ourselves for so long. “I can apply for student loans I guess,” I mumble out, the last thing I wanted to do was build a mountain of debt. “Ugh, I don't want to think about it anymore.”

“Do you want to watch a movie or something?” Kyle asks.

Sitting up in bed I wipe the remaining tears from my face. I know my eyes must be puffy and red but with a small smile on my face I agree to the movie. “As long as it's horror, no lovey stuff right now. Just blood and guts.” Kyle laughs, “deal” 

We go downstairs and decide to watch “Sinister.” It offers an escape from my current thoughts and after watching Kyle tells me he’s ordering a pizza for dinner. Dad texted that he’s staying at his house near his job site since he has an early morning, not much of a surprise. 

When I get into my room I turn my phone back on and see I have some missed texts from Noah.

Noah: hey Natty :) Nick said you called, you ok? 1:20pm

Noah: Sorry I didn't call last night, the show ended late and we all stayed up until like 4am. 1:20pm

Noah: Natty? Everything okay? 1:35pm

Noah: call me when you get a chance, I miss the sound of your voice. 2:26pm

I stare at the messages. “Everything okay”  I repeat in an annoyed voice. “No, everything isnt okay. My future is fucked and I have no plan.” I say to myself.

I take a deep calming breath and call Noah. 

Ring ring- *click* “Natty! I’m so glad you called. I miss you so much.” Noahs voice is light and happy and I just wish he was here. Two weeks between tests or projects goes by with lightning speed, two weeks without Noah moves at a glacial pace.

“Hey Noah.” My voice is soft and I have to clear my throat to break through the tightness forming. “I miss you too.” 

“I’m sorry I didn’t call last night,” but you did call, you just didnt know. “We didnt leave the venue until like midnight, it was wild. So much fun, I wish you were here.” 

“Yeah, sounds like you guys were having a really great time.” I’m trying to hide the emotions in my voice, just wanting to hear him and pretend nothing is wrong, but that can’t last forever. 

“Is everything alright Nat? You sound…weird, not weird but..you don't sound like yourself.” Noah says. 

Fuck, so much for hiding my emotions. “um I just got some news from my scholarship application today that was upsetting, and last night -” I try but Noah’s voice cuts me off. 

“Was it less than you expected?” He asks. 

“They denied me the scholarship and last ni-.” Noah cuts me off again. 

“What??!” Noah almost shrieked and I had to pull the phone from my ear. “Denied? With your grades? And you got first place in the last youth art contest last month, how could they deny you? When did you find out?”

“Um yeah, it's because my mom didn't sign something, I didn't realize it was sent in without it. I feel like such an idiot.” I mutter out defeated.

“Fuck, Natty. That sucks. Did something else happen? You called this morning and then just disappeared.” Noah questions.

“Well yeah, you did call me last night Noah.I guess you pocket-dialed me.” I tell him. “You were talking to some girl and she was asking you about the next leg of this tour. She was saying how much she’d miss you if didn’t go with them.” 

“Oh. Shit.” he breathes. “I’m sorry about that. It’s just Alex from the band we're opening for on the tour, she doesn't mean it like anything.”

“But you said maybe.” my voice is small.

“Well I have to consider it..Nat. it's a huge opportunity. You understand that right?” He sounds exasperated, like wondering how I could be opposed. 

“And school? What about that?” I ask, with more edge in my voice than I meant.

“Alex dropped out and her band is getting huge, I don’t need a high school diploma to make my dreams come true,” he responded with a slight sting in defense. 

“Oh, and whatever Alex says goes huh? You're just dropping out?” And now I’m getting angry, the festering feelings that disappeared with the movie are returning with white-hot intensity. “You were with her last night after you said you’d try and call me and then this morning I got that letter that absolutely destroys my future and when I call Nick answers and you are busy again with her..” I bite out.

“What are you implying?” he asks.

“I’m not impling anything, I tired to call. You were busy. Thats a fact.” I bite back.

“I’m sorry Natty, but nothing happened on the trip, with Alex if that's what you're thinking,” he says. “This kind of exposure is exactly what I’ve been working for. I thought you would be excited for me? I thought you believed in me?” Now his voice is small, like he’s genuinely upset and I feel sick that I’m the one that would have caused it. 

“I don't think anything happened. I trust you, Noah. I'm just going through a lot right now. I hung up on Nick because I was upset and then I didn't return your texts because I was still upset. With you, with my mom just about everything. I needed you.” I take a deep breath before continuing. “Of course, I believe in you Noah, but I mean you're talking about just leaving school? We're seniors, so close to graduating already why throw it all away when you're so close.

“If I don't take this chance now I'll be throwing away this dream, there's no guarantee I'll get this opportunity again.” 

“So what? Do you want me to just sit around and wait for you to call? I mean that is if you call?” I ask him. 

“Why is this a fight? I thought you'd be happy for me?” Noah’s voice is rising with frustration.

“It’s not a fight Noah, I just thought you’d take the time to at least talk about it with me about it first. I mean you talk all the time about our futures like you want them to be together but you’re making these huge decisions and not even telling me about it first.” I try to keep my voice steady but I know it's wobbling a little.

“I haven’t even decided yet, you’re talking like I’m doing this to hurt you. I am thinking about our future Natty, you could alway come with me?” He says and I scoff. 

“You’re not serious, are you? I could graduate early but not until the spring and after all the work I’ve done with my GPA. You’d ask me to just drop out?” I ask.

“You’d ask me to say no to this opportunity?” Noah questions in response. 

“You know what Noah? I think we should just talk about this when you get home. I have a lot of homework that I need to work on and this is just too much right now on top of everything else.” I tell him in a defeated voice. 

“I’m sorry Natty, I love you. I didn’t want to talk about it like this. I can’t stand you being sad because of me.” 

“I love you too Noah, It'll be okay. Let's just talk later okay?" 

We finish our goodbyes and I toss my phone back on the bed and take the homework out of my backpack.

The rest of the week is slow. School and work are uneventful. Noah and I barely text and it feels awful, what happened? It was great for months and he leaves for two weeks and falls apart? Is our relationship that fragile? 

Friday I’m working behind the counter while a jazz trio plays for the night as our live musical guests. I don’t hate it, I guess. Noah is supposed to get in tonight but we didn't really make plans, I’m not sure if I’ll see him. I’m busy checking the syrups and making sure all of the milk options are full in the fridge when I hear someone clear their throat behind me.

I turn around and like just the thought of him caused him to appear Noah is standing in front of me. 

“Hey Natty”

Next chapter here!!!! Thank you besties!!!!!!

divider from here!

#noah sebastian #noahsebastian #Noah Sebastian smut #noah sebastian x ofc #Noah Sebastian angst #Noah Sebastian fluff #bad omens fluff #bad omen smut #bad omen fanfiction #bad omen fic #noah sebastian fanfiction #bad omens fanfic #bad omens rpf #bad omens smut #noah sebastian fic #If Im there noah #rpf fanfiction #fanfiction #fanfic #my fic #angst with a happy ending

[justminawrites]

there are no synonyms for half

AO3

Summary: For as long as Luka Couffaine could remember, he was a half. It was only when he turned fifteen, watching the dying sun set over the Seine, did he realise that the other half of him had only ever been other people’s secrets.

For as long as Luka Couffaine could remember, he was a half of something. 

It came with the territory of being a twin, his mother would tell him as much, but Luka’s melody sounded empty in a way Juleka’s never was. Every birthday, every anniversary, every time a neighbour cooed and fussed over how much of Anarka’s face her children had inherited, however infrequent that was. A houseboat rarely had anything resembling a neighbourhood, after all. 

‘Ma.. why didn’t Dad want us? 

At five, Luka had somehow gotten it into his head that his incompletion lied in the absence of a parent. His missing notes were hidden in the ever elusive tune of who his father was, and once his mother told him, he’d finally be able to complete his song. Anarka Couffaine only huffed in disbelief and switched off the Jagged Stone TV Special he’d been watching. 

Yer father was a real scallywag! Luka looked down at the acoustic guitar he’d held closer than any stuffed animal, and wondered if he too was half scallywag.

I don’t want to go.

His mother stiffened, one leg out the door of the gilded school gates. Juleka turned around in confusion as he dropped her hand and then slid off his backpack. Unzipping the blue-and-green printed fabric, Luka pulled out the ukulele he’d hidden and held it up triumphantly like it was some sort of prize. 

I want to go to music school. He panicked when Anarka crossed her arms in disbelief, and tried to find the words to promise how he’d learn every instrument and do all of his and Juleka’s chores everyday if she let him. 

Luka was only ten at the time, so he didn’t know how to tell his mother that he believed he was half music, that it was the one thing that made him feel whole. The tunes would echo off of the walls of his heart and fill up the empty parts of him until he could imagine them colliding, overflowing, and finally spilling out of him again.

His mother only sighed, ruffled his hair and picked up the discarded backpack, before turning to leave.

Luka ran after her, leaving his twin behind, a lone ship in the sea of melody. 

Jules, what’s wrong?

Even before Juleka rushed into his arms, her face already crumpled and stained with tears, Luka was half rage. 

She refused to tell him what exactly happened but clutched his fingers tightly all the way back to the Liberty. He could feel the anger bubbling under his skin as he took in her skinned knees and the bluntly chopped ends of hair she’d braided so carefully that very morning. The feeling was so all encompassing that when Anarka took his face in her hands, she pulled away almost immediately, claiming he’d contracted a fever.

Ow..

Luka was half fire the night he pierced his own ears. Juleka looked at him with wide eyes as he ran his bloody fingers under the faucet, and gave her a reassuring smile. Doesn’t it hurt?, she asked him unable to do much more than look at the black studs that would forever adorn his ears. 

Luka didn’t know how to tell her that he could simply pour whatever pain was left into the empty parts of himself until it fell so far down that he didn’t hear it anymore. So he shook his head instead. 

When he insisted on walking Juleka to François Dupont Elementary the next morning, Anarka sharply took his face in her hands again, so quickly that Luka winced. Her eyes grazed the new, round black dots on his ears that definitely hadn’t been there yesterday and met her son’s defiant blue eyes. Yer not burnin’ up anymore, was all she had to say about the matter.

Is that Juleka’s brother? He looks really scary!

Luka was half pride as he pushed through the crowd of fifth graders that had gathered around him despite themselves, their faces shining with admiration and envy, gold and green. 

It was a mixture of pride and justice, he would realise much later, that made him exaggeratedly stomp his way over to Juleka’s bullies and wave a threatening finger at their ringleader, a blonde Bourgeois who was so startled, she fell backwards into a puddle of sludge. He didn’t say anything but he hardly needed to open his mouth amidst the cruel laughter of forty kids to know his job was done. Relief shone in the corners of his sister’s eyes when she rushed out of school that evening.

Nice to meet you ma-ma-marinette.

Luka was half shame when he saw the girl’s face fall, her dollish blue eyes crinkling with tears. He hadn’t expected to feel something stirring in the empty parts of him when one of Juleka’s friends stumbled into his room, every emotion under the sun flickering on her face, and he’d been just as startled by her presence, as she was by his.

Sorry.. I tend to make more sense with this. 

Luka clutched his guitar closer even though he was the one that asked her to sit beside him, and braced himself. Sure enough, the hollowness inside him steadily filled with the flutter of a thousand beating, insect wings as Marinette carefully acquiesced, the ends of her ballet flats hovering inches above the ground. Ladybug wings. 

For once, it was the outside world that held its breath as Luka’s insides roared with a harmony he didn’t know how to play. He forced himself to remain composed as she blinked her secretive blue eyes up at him, concealing a question and a challenge of her own. 

How do you do that?

He’d hardly strummed a tune, but her face betrayed wonder as his fingers echoed the chords that clanged around in her own empty spaces, whatever he could hear over the clamour of newness in his own heart, anyway. She slipped away in the midst of his explanation, taking the white noise with her, to admire the Jagged Stone poster he’d spent hours gluing down, and the collection of guitar picks right below it. 

The silence in him returned, somehow louder than before now that he knew it could be filled.

You can have it if you like. 

He was beside her before he knew it, eyes glued to the guitar pick between her slender, calloused fingers. Marinette gasped in delight and the flutter-buzz returned, rising a notch, arresting Luka’s heart, as though the ladybugs that had overflowed his empty half had now begun to crawl into his lungs. But there, under all the white noise, when they were standing this close, he could almost taste it– one unmistakable beat, and then another and another; the morse code of her heart song.

You’re a funny girl, Marinette.

He didn’t want to go but Luka was afraid he’d completely lose his wits if he listened to the full force of the ladybug wings any longer. 

It was only when he was halfway up the stairs did he realise there was a lone buzzing bouncing off the walls of the vacant half of his heart. She’d left something behind.

Personally, I think a girl like you deserves to feel more like.. this.

Luka slipped off the deck chair to sit beside Marinette, guitar in hand. 

It had only been a week since they’d met but he’d found himself unable to enjoy sleep in its entirety. The lone ladybug she’d forgotten haunted his nights, humming a tune too faint for him to hear, and he would stay up, straining his ears to grasp a single note, as the light of dawn flooded through the portholes of the ship.

Luka liked the way Marinette always closed her eyes while she listened to him play. He pretended not to notice the slump of her shoulders, as she relaxed into the chords he strummed specially to catch her. He’d long since stopped wondering if people experienced the world the same way he did. He simply brought her peace, in exchange for a bit of her chaos.

And whoever made you feel this way, is nothing but a–

He played a slightly funky tune and she giggled, filling his chest with so much fluttering (an applause of wings) that he hardly dared to open his mouth for fear a ladybug might escape. And then how would he explain himself?

Say, are you free tomorrow..

For her? Luka was free for the rest of his life.

You should probably go over and talk to him.

The cavernous silence returned in the subway. 

Luka was half regret as he shifted on the blue polyester seat, trying his best to stare out of the window, to concentrate on something, anything, besides the bittersweet silence in his lungs. The ladybugs in his chest must’ve frozen to death hours ago, in the skating rink, where he’d watched Marinette watch Adrien with the unwavering focus of a musician bent on mastering an instrument. 

He told himself he didn’t mind, not really. Adrien filled her with wings of her own (butterflies maybe?) and he’d be too busy piecing together his new melody to do the same. It would be best to let her go, now, when the feelings were fresh enough that they’d wilt under the slightest pressure. 

It would be best to forget about the kiss. 

The quick peck. The obligatory press of Marinette’s soft lips to his cheek before she was whisked away, by the wind, by the universe. He breathed out slowly, catching a glimpse of himself on the dark glass of the of the subway car. Oh no. 

It could’ve been from the from the sudden drop in temperature in the skating rink, but the nape of his neck, the tips of his ears, and quite damningly, his cheeks– were a bright, unmistakable scarlet.

The ladybugs had found a new home.

Are ye blushing?

Luka was half mortification when he finally made it home and buried himself under ice packs and blankets, determined to be rid of the crimson flush if it killed him. 

Anarka didn’t need to take his face in her hands this time to know something was bothering him. He watched her quietly slip into his room and rob it of anything with sharp points, before gently closing the door. 

Still no news about the contest?

Luka meant it to be encouraging but when Marinette’s face fell he wished he could take it back immediately. He wished he could take everything back and never say another word again. While the blue-eyed girl fretted about wether her costumes influenced the reception Kitty Section’s audition tape received, he put an arm on her shoulder to stop her train of thought and remind her about the wonders of real-life paperwork. 

She smiled up at him gratefully but before the ladybugs under skin (he still hadn’t managed to get rid of them) sensed this opportunity, Ivan’s outraged yell from across the room, scared them back into hiding.

You’ll never have a future in this business, you’ll never make another costume, because as far as everyone’s concerned– you’ll be the ripoff artists!

Luka was half fury, a cold fire this time, as he watched Bob Roth’s sleazy grin drip with venom as he held Marinette’s hand in his vice-like grip. She shook him off quickly but his words hung in the air like a promise, threatening to choke them both permanently if they didn’t leave immediately like the good little children they were.

Hello Silencer..

He would’ve appreciated the irony if it were any other situation. Hawk moth couldn’t begin to imagine just how much the power of silence was befitting of someone like him. Luka put on the akumatised mask obediently as the supervillain’s monologue came to an end. 

He stopped fighting the darkness and for a while, Luka was half nothing.

Did you really mean those things you said when you were akumatised?

Luka knit his eyebrows in frustration, wracking his memory for some kind of indication of what he could’ve said to fluster Marinette so much. Had he said something about the ice-rink? Had he said something about the kiss? 

He took a deep breath and decided it was time for the speech he’d rehearsed over and over again in front of the mirror, since he’d returned from their not-date weeks ago. Clear as a musical note, Sincere as a melody, Luka couldn’t tear his gaze away from the pools of blue in her eyes, even as he had the sinking sensation that he’d already passed the threshold of no return. 

Luckily, the lights were so erratic, he was sure she couldn’t see the ladybugs huddled beneath his mask, but the buzzing was deafening, pop rocks in the back of his throat, leaving him so light-headed he’d promptly run from Marinette before she could figure out how to respond.

He hoped he hadn’t ruined everything by telling her.

Luka Couffaine, this is the Miraculous of the Snake.

He was half fear when The Hero of Paris held out a palm sized miracle box in her red and black-spotted hand. 

The emptiness in him leaned into the idea of using the superhero persona to fill the void but the other part of him, the only part of him worth listening to, quaked under the pressure. But Paris wasn’t his priority, saving his mother and Juleka was. So he took it. 

When the Kwami of Intuition, Sass, appeared, bowing his head formally, Luka wondered if those snake-like eyes could see right through him. From his cheeks filled with ladybugs, all the way through to his bottomless pit of emptiness that now held the aftermath of an affection, a wreckage of insect wings, wrong chords, and crumpled speeches.

The Kwami only smiled knowingly, and he felt a shiver of anticipation run down his spine. Still he said the words, and then Luka was half Viperion. 

What do you think?

Luka looked up from strumming the tune trying to gauge Marinette’s reaction from behind a tower of macaron boxes. Her eyes softened, but stayed open, and he immediately knew it was nowhere close to being good enough.

She was quick to praise his skill though, and he offered her a ride to Le Grand Paris for the Bourgeois’ 20th wedding Anniversary, on the back of his delivery bike. 

The ladybugs from Luka’s face swarmed back into his chest with vengeance as Marinette hugged his torso, her fingers clutching his jacket for dear life as he pedalled through Parisian traffic as quickly as he dared. 

This time, when she thanked him with a kiss, Luka was able to pinpoint the exact moment the crimson menaces overran his flushed cheeks. 

He turned away quickly, (hiding his face in her spare helmet), so quickly that he couldn’t hear the last thing she said to him over the sound of a million ladybugs taking flight.

Are you sure you want to hear it?

She knew what he was really asking her, of course. Are you sure this is what you want– that I am what you want? 

Marinette nodded, leaning into him and Luka held his breath, plucking out the perfect rhythm as the watery sunshine glinted off the slick, cobblestoned pavement across from them.

He’d listened carefully for the chords in her heart every time they’d talked, and painstakingly pieced together its melody but even though he’d double checked, triple-checked even, Luka felt the inescapable presence of doubt slither from out his stomach, curling its wicked tail around his half-empty heart. 

Marinette’s tune sounded just as incomplete as his.

Under the moonlight, by the sea– KISS ME!

He rubbed the back of his neck (where the ladybugs were gathered), embarrassed. It was the easiest question he knew, so he hadn’t counted on Marinette’s ridiculously competitive spirit when she’d yelled out the answer with her whole heart.

I mean, if you want to.

She did want to, and so did he. But even as Luka leaned in to press his lips to hers, to pray his kiss would somehow wake the sleeping butterflies in her chest, strain to hear the final note in her shrouded melody– he felt the interruption before it came.

The ceiling shook and Marinette ran off to get them something to drink, forgetting the white linoleum cup that she’d left beside him, filled to the brim with orange juice and disappointment.

He watched her go, like he’d done so often. Taking her secrets and her chaos with her.

The truth, Luka, is the only thing I can’t tell you.

He had never been half pain before, not like this. Not poisonous, acidic agony  that filled the empty parts of him so throughly that it flooded his lungs, burning the ladybugs, drowning the music out completely. 

It hurt to think, it hurt to breathe. 

Luka wasn’t surprised that the akuma found him so quickly, but he curled into himself as Marinette’s voice scrabbled for purchase in his mind, begging him to fight the temptation, fight the evil that would undoubtedly lead to more suffering. 

He couldn’t blame her. She didn’t understand how her voice was the thing that hurt him the most.

Why did you abandon me?

Jagged Stone’s lips were painted white with Truth’s compulsion power but Luka knew that whatever came out of his former hero's mouth now wouldn’t matter at all. 

The damage had already been done. He’d seen the scars it’d left on his mother’s broken melody, his sister’s quiet song.

His own silent, silent heart.

It was hard to tell which part was him and which was the akuma, when he hurled his would-be father from the terrace of a several-story building and set off towards the Dupain-Cheng Bakery. 

You know, not seeing you is a hundred times worse than seeing you, Marinette.

The familiar rush of ladybugs filled his chest when she put her forgiving hand on his shoulder, as though they were flowing out of her and into him through the lightest of touches.

Luka swallowed the confession in his throat when she asked to be friends, much to the chagrin of a hundred scarlet wings beating in his ears, and pulled her in for a hug so she wouldn’t see it on his face, plain-as-day.

The milky white moonlight caressed his cheek fondly, like a mother would, as he breathed in Marinette’s rose perfume. He knew had to let her go, it was just a matter of time. 

Foolishly, he wished he’d kept the snake miraculous he’d borrowed weeks ago, just so he could have a second chance with her. A chance to do it again, do it right this time. A chance to sweep her off her feet; to put the butterflies under her skin before Adrien, before anyone.

But Luka understood with a sinking feeling that even that wouldn’t be enough. He’d watched the way his parents clawed at one another’s sanity mere hours ago, unable to see that their fighting was turning down Juleka’s quiet symphony even further into herself.

People like them, like him, didn’t get second chances. Not when it mattered, anyway.

Awesome! I always wanted to be the Knitting Fairy in real life!

Luka was half terror when he watched Paris’ bravest superhero transform into the love of his life. 

It transcended panic, surpassed horror. The worst thing in the world that could’ve happened just happened and he had no idea what to do about it.

Marinette? He said her name like a prayer, like a wish that hovered on his tongue ever so delicately, ready to disappear into the wind. But as the girl turned around and beamed at him, the happiest smile on her face, Luka finally felt the final piece of of her melody click into place.

Second chance!

He took the dread and stuffed it down, deep, deep down inside of him; somewhere under the graveyard of ladybugs, shredded posters and scales. The shock would have to wait, he could only be one thing at a time and right now he had to be Viperion.

When I was a kid, I always wanted to be what my parents wanted me to be!

Luka wished he hadn’t turned around. 

Where Chat Noir once stood, now Adrien Agreste took his place, looking vaguely cheery despite what he’d just said moments before. He didn’t even need to use his powers to know Chat Noir had gotten hit by the akuma on purpose. 

Marinette hadn’t noticed yet, too busy talking to a man whose childhood dream was to become a stuffed animal, and the anxiety rose up like bile in the back of his throat. He’d been half pain before but this was something new.

Luka was half pity, half hope. Half defeat. 

His heart seemed to be breaking over and over in his chest, the muscle spasming so violently that everything in him was instantly ground to dust. The walls, the silence, the ladybugs. All the pain he’d carried around with him since his very first akumatisation.  

Because nothing he was going through could ever compare to Marinette and Adrien being... to them being..

Second chance!

Viperion was wholly conviction when he reassured Ladybug that he’d make sure no one would discover their secret identities. If he were still Luka he’d wonder how he hadn’t seen it before– her strength, her determination, the way Marinette’s nose crinkled when she was focused on something, all of it matched the red and black-spotted superhero to a T. 

But he, much like the rest of Paris, had only ever seen what they wanted to see. And Luka hadn’t wanted to see her in pain.

Not even me- luckily Wishmaker never hit you or Chat Noir.

He expected the lie to sour his tongue, turn his skin blue with irony, but it came easily, almost too easily for his comfort. But Marinette (because she would only ever be Marinette to him) smiled like his word was more than enough for her to trust him forever and turned to leave, like she’d done so many times before.

Now he knew why. 

The ladybugs in chest (ha!) swarmed against his rib cage as she left, tiny wings beating furiously as though they were trying to break right through his skin and follow her back home. 

Before Luka could think to question why, he was already running after her, reading the fluttering inside him like a compass, leading him further and further away from the street, down the sidewalk, all the way to the only thing that ever made him whole. All the way to her– 

Luka! Thank you for hiding me in here!

He wanted it to be a dream, a really bad dream; a really awful, terrible dream he’d wake up from any second, but when she’d opened the door, a nanosecond before he’d knocked and smiled up at him, her shoulders slumped over with the weight of the world; all he could think was how lucky he was.

Lucky to have known her, lucky to have loved her. Lucky to be empty enough to carry her secret for now, for forever.

You guys are okay!

“We’re all okay,” Luka smiled, looking between his two friends, “Thanks to Ladybug and Chat Noir.”

He’d almost meant it this time, but as he watched the Ladybug and Chat Noir in front of him look into each other’s eyes, completely unaware of all the forces of the universe that had conspired to bring them both to this moment, Luka knew he would never be whole.

For as long as Luka Couffaine could remember, he was a half. It was only when he turned fifteen, watching the dying sun set over the Seine, did he realise that the other half of him had only ever been other people’s secrets. 

-fin-

#ao3 #ao3 writer #ao3fic #ao3 fic #justminawrites #lukanette #mlb lukanette #luka couffaine #luka x marinette #marinette dupain cheng #marinette x luka #juleka couffaine #miraculous juleka #mlb juleka #jagged stone #anarka couffaine #miraculous ladybug #miraculous spoilers #miraculoustalesofladybugandcatnoir #angst #angst and feels #wishmaker spoilers #i didn't want to be here #but then i saw wishmaker and i hightailed it back to this fandom #sad ending #canon compliant #ladybug and chat noir #ladybugs #literally like the insect #this show just keeps punishing my children

[cinematicsoph]

still • niall horan blurb

summary: you and niall have been dating for about a year and the fans still haven't accepted you two together. you are so fed up with all the hate so you decide to take matters into your own hands. but he hasn't moved on.

warnings: angsty ish, swearing, mentions of drinking, uses they/them pronouns like twice

a/n: this was going payback to my friend for spamming me with Johnny Orlando pics while i was studying. but because i had this idea while listening to Still by Niall Horan, i felt like i had to write it for him like i originally planned. i wrote a very specific line first and i'm lowkey obsessed with it so.

Copyright @ 2022 sophi_quimby. All rights reserved. This original work is not allowed to be reposted on any platform in any format by anyone but me

  ✧ ˚ 　· 　　. 　　 · 　˚ ✧ ✧ ˚ 　· 　　. 　　 · 　˚ ✧✧ ˚ 　· 　. 　　 · 　˚ ✧

It’s been three months and ten days since you and Niall broke up, not that he’s counting. It feels like he hasn’t left the couch since you were standing in front of him telling him that you can’t handle the pressure of being in the public anymore. That the fans finally pushed you away from him. He doesn’t know where you are or what you’re doing anymore. But you haven’t left his mind. You will never leave his mind. He still remembers every word you said to him when you left.

*3 months and 10 days ago*

   “Hey, love. How was your day?” Niall looks up from his phone as you walk into the living room. He sees your eyes are red and puffy and your cheeks are slightly red, an obvious sign you had been crying. “Love? What happened?”

   “I can’t keep doing this, Ni.” Your voice sounds thick and it cracks with emotion.

   “Can’t do what?” He stands up from the couch and walks over to you. He reaches for you to pull you into a hug but you move out of the way, denying his sign of affection. “What’s going on?”

   “I posted a picture of us on Instagram and your fans found it. They started leaving comments about how I’m not good enough for you, or how you don’t look happy with me. Just r-really nasty things,” you sniffle and wipe your eyes with the sleeve of your (his) sweatshirt. This has been going on ever since you two decided to go public with your relationship on your one year anniversary. It’s now eight months later and Niall’s “loyal” fanbase still isn’t willing to accept that their idol is no longer single. 

  He sighs and sits back down on the couch. “I’ll handle it, love. I’m so sorry this keeps happening. I really don’t understand why they just can’t accept-“

   “I can’t do this anymore, Niall.” You look at him, staying in your place right in front of the couch.

   “What are you talking about?” He looks up at you confused.

   “I’m done. I-I can’t keep worrying about running into one of your fans when I go anywhere or post anything on social media. I thought I could handle being in the public eye, especially for you. But this is too much. I can’t keep doing this. I-I’m sorry, Niall. I’m breaking up with you.”

   He felt the wind being knocked out of him, his heart stopped, everything blacked out. “You’re…breaking up with me?”

   “I don’t want to. But this can’t be healthy, for either of us. I’m left feeling like I’m never going to be good enough for you. That you deserve someone, anyone, better than me. It isn’t good for my self esteem and I never feel like I’m giving you enough. I have to leave, Niall. I’m sorry. I can’t keep doing this.”

*today*

   After you said that, you grabbed the things you had at his place and left, crying. He wanted to comfort you. He wanted to run after you, hold you, and tell you that everything will be okay. But he was frozen, stuck to the couch. The only movement being his breathing and the blinking back of his tears. He wasn’t an emotional guy, but he loved you so much. Without you he felt empty, lost, incomplete. You were, are, the love of his life. Every passing second he bitches at himself for letting you walk away that easily. He should’ve stopped you.

   I can’t keep doing this. That line kept playing over and over again in his head. He had no idea it was that bad. That you had been feeling this way for so long. It broke him. He couldn’t help but feel guilty. For not seeing the hate, the signs that you were feeling this way. He was blind. And it killed your relationship.

   He had never drank this much in his life. Constantly drinking Guinness and passing out on the couch, only to start all over again when he finally woke up. Lewis had been over every Sunday, trying to get Niall off the couch and into the shower. Or at least his bed. But Niall wouldn’t budge. He’d stay on the couch, only moving to get another beer, staring at the wall. He somehow has an endless supply of Guinness and hasn’t needed to leave the house in the three months you’ve been gone.

   Lewis had never seen Niall like this. He was getting really worried, and knew that the only person who could fix it had been nowhere to be seen or heard from in three months. While you and Niall were dating, you had gotten really close with Lewis. He had treated you like a younger sister. It had broken you both when you broke up with Niall. Lewis didn’t blame you for breaking up with him though. He knew how bad the fans can get when their favorite celebrities start dating. He still tries his best to keep in touch with you, but you haven’t responded. He tried messaging your friends and family, trying to get any type of information about where you are or what you’re doing. Only your mom knew that you had turned off all social media and silenced any messages or calls from anyone that isn’t family. She said you had been staying with her and your dad for the last three months. He felt better knowing you were safe. Lewis had been worried about you so hearing from your parents was a weight lifted off of his shoulders.

   It was another one of Lewis’s weekly visits. He pulled up to Niall’s house and walked inside. Niall’s house was a mess once again, even though Lewis had cleaned it last week when he came by. Lewis knew it was time to call up the big guns. He had done his best to help Niall, but he can’t do it any more. It’s hopeless. There’s only one person left to call…as long as they picked up.

   You never wanted to break up with Niall. He was your best friend, your lover, everything. He was, is, your everything. But you couldn’t deal with his fans anymore. They constantly projected their own insecurities and jealousy on you, it was too much. The break up affected you more than you wish to admit. You turned off notifications for all your social media platforms, knowing that the fans would likely be even more upset with you now that you broke the heart of their idol. Because as everyone knows, a stranger dating their idol is bad, but a stranger breaking up with their idol is even worse.

   You didn’t want to delete your platforms, you keep Niall’s page open on every platform he has, nearly all the time. Your thumb becomes sore from the constant scrolling and refreshing you do of his page, hoping you see (or don’t) any updates on how the love of your life is feeling. So far nothing. The last thing on his Instagram page is a selfie he posted of you two from your last date. It’s a similar one to what you posted of him, the one with the comments and acts that eventually lead to your breakup.

   You’ve been staying at your parent’s house, in your old room. Your mom and dad have been giving you the space you need, but you know they're secretly worried. You can’t ignore the subtle glances to see if you react anytime you’re in the car and one of Niall’s songs comes on. Or the indirect questions of whether or not you’re okay or thinking of harming yourself. You do. And you're not, but you wouldn’t. Any phone call, text, or email you get is ignored. Except for one.

   “I know how awkward this must be, but I know that you’re the only person who can fix this.” Lewis opens Niall’s front door to let you in. You had thought about ignoring his texts and phone calls, but you could tell how concerned Lewis was for his best friend, and you couldn’t ignore that any longer. For Lewis sake, of course. And maybe yours a bit too. Hell, you couldn’t ignore it for Niall’s sake. He’s still the love of your life and best friend.

   “It’s okay. I still care about him. I’ll always care about him.” You walk into Niall’s house and go to his living room. “Niall?”

   He’s dreaming. He has to be. The only time he ever hears your voice is in his dreams. He feels his eyes begin to water. His breath hitches and he swallows the lump forming in his throat. 

   “Y/N.” He hardly ever uses your name, always saying a nickname or a pet name. It takes you aback. You don’t know how to react when you hear your name fall from his lips, especially with so much emotion behind it. You look at him, still handsome as ever (though a bit rough).

   “Niall.” You say again, feeling yourself tear up. You go over to him and kneel in front of him on the couch. “I…I can’t even think of the words to say to you right now. I-I’m so so sorry.”

   “You left me,” he whispers. Your heart shatters. Those three words hurt you more than the actual break up.

   “I’m so so sorry, Ni. Please. You have to understand, I-I couldn’t handle being hated on anymore. It had nothing to do with you,” you cry and shake your head. “I’m being honest, love. Please.”

   “Honest? You want honesty?! I’m still in love with you, y/n! I will never not be in love with you! You mean everything to me, and I never wanted the media to fuck up our relationship like this. You wanted honesty?! I fucking gave it to you. I’m still in love with you.” He’s yelling now. It was like he got snapped out of his trance. There’s tears running down his cheeks and his face is red from the crying.

   “I still love you too, Niall! I didn’t break up with you because I fell out of love with you, I broke up with you because I’m a coward!” You match his volume level and start crying even more. 

   “Don’t talk about yourself like that. You know I hate it,” his voice is back down to a normal volume. He looks you in the eyes. “You look really pretty.” It’s simple, a compliment he’s given you millions of times. But it means so much at this moment.

   “You look really handsome.”

   “I’m a mess,” he sniffles and chuckles quietly.

   “Don’t talk about yourself like that. You know I hate it.” You nudge him and smile slightly. “You look handsome, love. A bit rough, but handsome.”

   “I love you. I still love you. I know we’re so far from our first date at the zoo, but I’m here with you being completely honest. I’m still in love with you, and I always will be.”

   “I love you too, Ni.”

#niall horan #niall horan blurb #niall horan x y/n #angst ish #i'm still in love with you #second chance romance #cinematicsoph

[vanillapie-80]

Dante's Inferno Chapter 1

With no memory of who he was when he was alive, a half troll asks for the assistance Hellboy to search for a bridge in realm of damnation, hell, with hope that it'll have the answers they seek.

AO3

“We need an edge…. I’m sorry Claire….” It was hard to even go through what he was thinking, his hands were shaking to no end as he gripped the shard lodged in his chest. However, his friends and loved ones were running out of options, and the deepest part of his soul could no longer endure it anymore.

The corruption infecting his very being was becoming too hard and painful to fight back. He just wanted everything to be still and numb, longing for that eternal peace he knew would never have if he kept fighting. Even if he was gone, at least he’ll be able to give the others enough time to live another day. So he closed his eyes, took a deep breath in anticipation, and pushed the shard down, as hard as he could and tried his best to endure the unbearable pain that felt like it was burning him from the inside out. He could feel the tears pour from his eyes while he heard the frantic cries and pleads to stop, but nothing was going to change his mind.

The only few words he could say through it all was, “It’s the only way!” With one final push, the loud noises and shouting was cut and the pain was gone. He opened his eyes and couldn’t feel anything from his body. He couldn’t feel his weight or move anything if he tried, as if there was nothing physically left of him. A shuddering sigh was let out of relief and horror. He did it. He was now gone, but the peace and serenity he yearned for was here. However, he sensed that all was not right. Around him was nothing but in a pitch black void.

This wasn’t where he was supposed to be, he could feel it. He wasn’t in the place he was fated to be when he died. No, no, there was something wrong. There couldn’t be anything that could harm him in the afterlife. So he waited, waited for who knows who long with the now sickening silence, expecting for someone to come get him, to take him to where he was supposed to be.

His patience was rewarded with the voice he never wanted to hear again. “I’ve been hunting you, beast.” His voice sounded close, so close that he wanted to flee as far away as possible, but there was nowhere to go. “But my mark has finally took you.” An awful feeling shook him to his core as his words began to sink in. He fell right into the fiend’s grasp. There would be no peace for him even in the afterlife, and there wouldn’t be a way out this time.

“You’re nothing but Merlin’s lapdog.” He felt something, something that was a part of him, being ripped out and a wave of vulnerability washed over him. He now felt so incomplete, it was an awful sensation that he could not put into words by how unbearable it felt. His control of himself was slipping, slipping into the hands of… h i m. Then he felt another part of himself was being taken away. He tried all that he could hold on to all that he had left of himself, but at this point he was too weak to fight back.

He was left to feel more hollow than ever, and his hold on him was so strong that it felt absolutely violating. This wasn’t what he wanted, he just wanted to finally feel safe and be at peace. He realized this wasn’t over just yet as he felt like he was being pulled down. He didn’t know where he would be taking him, but he absolutely did not want to find out. Desperately, he tried to pull himself up, clawing at anything he could grab. He used all the strength he could muster to stay where he was, but his mind began to get foggy as whispers filled his thoughts, whispers that were not his.

His eyes threatened to close and exhaustion forcibly being settled in, he lost his grip. As he was lulled to sleep, he began to fall into the realm of punishment that once burned of hellfire from brimstone.

The water from the shallow empty ocean was freezing, but the boy didn’t mind. His stone-like skin made the weather more bearable to endure. He wore nothing with the exception of tight, black undergarments that were torn from the knees. He gazed at the snowy sky with such wonder, it helped numb the boredom he was facing during this long journey. So far there was no sign of what he was looking for. However, there was a large pile of debris the boy found that still had smoke of a fire that was long gone. He made sure to check if there was anyone there that needed help, but there was nothing he could do.

The boy kept walking, making sure he was careful where he stepped, until he spotted something once again from the far distance. The boy hoped that whatever was there, it would be more than a fallen ruin again. He walked a little faster and his smile brightened at the sight of what looked like to be a city once he got close enough. The boy took it all in when he finally set foot into the city. It felt like a relic of the past, the vibrancy and color now faded away to become dull and lifeless. There was a strange beauty to it all the boy found.

However, as he made his way through the town, the boy was having trouble finding people to ask for help. High and low, he searched to find someone, anyone to be out and about, but it seemed like it was only him. The boy let out a low grumble in frustration and began looking more closely at what was inside the buildings themselves. He could see either silhouettes of various figures or the lights on from the windows, and that confused him. If this city was populated, how come he couldn’t find a single person outside?

The boy stepped back from the last house he saw and looked all around. “H…hello?” It had been a while since the boy had spoken that he practically forgot what he sounded like, so he was not fully prepared to talk or even raise his voice. “Hello?! Is anyone here?! I… I need some help!”

He waited patiently for any response, but it seemed like he was only met with the winter breeze and snow. “Forgive us child,” The boy jumped in surprise with a yelp and quickly spun around from the back to see two skeletons, well dressed in formal attire. “There are not as many people as there used to be, and your appearance is a bit off putting than what’s normally seen.

The boy was rather confused on how he couldn’t hear their presence since he learned long before that his sense of hearing was rather sensitive. “Oh, um, sorry about that.” The boy grabbed one of his horns and gently pulled it, suddenly feeling quite self conscious.  

“Are you not cold? It’s freezing out here.” One of the skeletons asked, it was hard to tell who was who for the boy.

“Well I can feel it, but it’s kind of numb?” It was hard to put into words the feeling, and at this point the boy believed they were getting off track. “Although I appreciate the concern, I’ll be fine, so no worries. Though I’m hoping you two could help me by other means.”

Despite their lack of ability to display emotion, the boy could feel their hesitance. He couldn’t help but wonder if everyone else in this city looked like this too. “…Very well,” One of the skeletons spoke, “What do you need us of service for?”

“I’ve been a bit lost as of late looking for a bridge and so far I haven’t had any luck finding it. I was hoping that someone here would know where it is.”

The skeleton who was standing on the left hummed curiously. “Could you perhaps describe it to us?”

“It’s shaped like a curve, has carvings all around on both of its sides, dark, and very old.” He stood expectantly as the two skeletons tried to recall anything that matched the boy's description. The two looked at each other until the skeleton from the right sighed in defeat.

“I’m afraid I do not recall such a thing.” The skeleton turned to his companion. “You?”

“It is the same here.” The boy’s ears lowered as his smile faded into disappointment. “Fret not child, you might find it that this city is quite the maze, plenty of ground to find a bridge somewhere.”

“Maybe, but I have a feeling that it might not even be here in a place like this. I guess I’ll have to go outside the city then” The boy muttered solemnly as he looked around. “Shame too, since this is a really beautiful place.”

“Are you certain? This realm is far from safe for a child like you, it’s a miracle that you haven’t encountered anything dangerous.”

“I guess I’ve been lucky.”

“Luck tends to always run out at some point. Is going to that bridge really important?” The boy suddenly felt irritated by the skeleton as it was looking like he was becoming more of an obstacle to reach his destination.

He huffed at the skeleton, and managed to say, “I know what I’m doing.” In an agitated tone.

The two of them could feel the boy’s stubbornness and were frankly at a loss. The city was by far the safest in hell but that wasn’t saying much. The men knew that they wouldn’t in their good conscience send this child on their way unprotected. “Perhaps we could persuade someone to come with you.”

“Huh?” The boy was surprised at the notion. “Oh no, I wouldn’t want to drag someone into my problems.”

"No need to worry child, the person we have in mind is quite qualified for the job. I’m sure he’ll be glad to help you with your endeavor.” The boy’s mouth pressed to a thin line. It didn’t feel right to have someone be tagging along with really nothing to gain from. However, the boy would be lying to himself if there wasn’t a small part of him that yearned for the company after being alone for who knows how long. Any longer and it would become unbearable to handle.

“I guess at the very least meeting this person wouldn’t hurt.” The boy muttered with a shrug. He could practically feel the relief radiating from the two men.

“Wonderful! I’m grateful that you’re at least considerate.” One of them cheered. “Now follow us and we shall take you to him.”

The two skeletons made their way through the streets while the boy followed behind at a distance. He continued to look and marveled at the buildings from the city, and from one of them, the boy managed to spot a woman from a window at a high distance. Her clothing seemed old fashioned and her expression was unreadable, but he knew for a fact that she was staring right at him.

For some reason, it unnerved the boy. He gave a small wave in hope to maybe get a reaction from the woman or really anything, but nothing happened. The woman didn’t even move a muscle and her expression never changed. She just stood still and watched, like a statue. The boy turned away from her and tried to ignore the uneasiness that was building up inside him. From then on, the boy still felt like he was being watched even when he was out of the woman’s sight, and this time he couldn’t bring himself to look and find out to see if it was true.

________________________________________________

As the door swung open, the boy quickly registered while entering that they were at a bar, and a somewhat empty one at that. Tables and chairs were neatly scattered around the room, with only two occupants present at the bar counter. A monkey that was cleaning a cup with a rag, presumably the bartender, and a slouching figure that the boy couldn’t get a good look at.

“Hellboy! My good companion!” One of the skeletons exclaimed as they approached the man. The boy thought it was such an odd name.

“I see you're still here.” He said, her voice gruff, sharp, but somehow quiet and relaxed. “That’s a shame.”

“Don’t be glum about it.” The other skeleton said, making his way towards Hellboy. “We have grown used to this place, at this point we shall consider it our home.”

“…I don’t think you guys still deserve to be down here that’s all.” The man said in a much quieter tone.

“Well if you are done sulking like any depressed drunk would do, we would like to request your assistance.” Hellboy turned to face the skeleton with intrigue, which made the boy be able to see his face.

His skin was red, with his eyes being pure yellow without an iris or pupil, and his hair was black that was tied to the back of his hair like a bun. But what mainly caught the interest of the boy was Hellboy’s horns, or more specifically the lack of horns. As it seemed that they were perfectly cut off at the end. The boy couldn’t help but wonder if it hurt having the horns removed.

“What do you have in mind?” Hellboy asked.

“You see there was this child we found in the street, looking for a bridge that he says is around this realm. However there is no such bridge in the city. So it has to be from the outside, which I am sure you of all people are aware of how dangerous it can be.” Hellboy nodded in agreement. “And thus, the two of us request that you help guide this child and make sure he’s safe.” The skeleton gestured to the boy as he continued to speak.

In response, Hellboy moved his attention to him. The boy suddenly had this small feeling of intimidation from the man. That feeling only grew when Hellboy stood up, which the boy could take in his much larger frame as the man began to approach him. He was taller than the boy by a feet or two, and his torso was quite broad. His expression was unclear and hard to figure out.

When he was close enough, Hellboy asked, “Hey kid, the name’s Hellboy.” He greeted with his left arm stretched out for a handshake.

The boy was a little hesitant, but thought it would be rude to leave the man hanging, so he took his hand out and shook Hellboy’s hand. “It’s nice to meet you.” He said with a polite tone.

There was a prolonged silence, and the boy started to wonder if Hellboy was expecting him to say something else.

“Y’know this is the part where you tell me your name, kid.” Hellboy said. His tone indicated amusement, but in no way that was mocking.

“Oh! I’m sorry.” How could the boy forget such an obvious thing? “My name is….” He slowly faltered when nothing in mind came about his name. “Um… my name.” The boy couldn’t finish that sentence, because no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t for the life of him remember his own name.

“Hey, are you alright?” Hellboy wondered.

“I-I can’t remember.” Soon the boy was in a panic as he began to anxiously pull his hair back. “I can’t remember my name.” But as the boy thought about it more, a startling revelation came to him. “I don’t- I don’t remember anything before I came here.”

How did he not realize? Something so important as his own memories of his past, of his very being, just gone. The boy could now sense this hollow feeling in his heart. Suddenly there was a struggle to breathe as his panic rose. His vision began to blur with the tears that were about to pour, with the world around feeling dizzying. Then the firm grip on his shoulder made the boy snap back to reality, now hearing the loud gasps of air he was taking.

“ No need to panic kid.” The boy blinked a few times, now feeling quite dazed. “Just breathe.” Hellboy urged.

And so the boy tried. Taking deep and slow breaths as he clasped his hands together despite how shaky they’ve become. “I’m… sorry for this sir I… I don’t know.” The boy muttered with his head down.

“Don’t worry about it, I’m pretty sure that it’s not an easy thing to learn that you forgot, well, everything I guess.” He then stayed silent for a while, letting the boy take his time to compose himself before asking, “How about we go somewhere more private to talk this more?”

The boy, blinking a few times, glanced at Hellboy. “So… does that mean you’ll help me?”

He shrugged and rubbed the back of his neck. “I’ll see what I can do.”

“Uh, okay.” The boy supposed it was better than nothing at all.

He bid his farewell to the two skeletons, and thanked them for their assistance before leaving with Hellboy. The walk was quite long and very quiet, though the boy didn’t try to initiate a conversation because if he was going to be honest, the boy still felt intimidated by Hellboy. He had a feeling that the man was most likely a good person, but there was this tight, unconformable pressure in his chest that wouldn’t go away.

At some point, the two walked down some rugged terrain at the end of the city, and now were at the shores of a beach.  “So kid, if you can’t remember anything before coming here, what is the first you remember?” Hellboy asked all of a sudden.

“Hm?” The boy, before looking down at the sand, brought his attention to the person in front of him. “Oh- Um… I remember I was underwater, it was really dark. I’m not sure how long I was submerged. I swam up and up until I made it to the surface. The side of my chest was hurting real bad too, made it feel like breathing would be impossible.”

Hellboy turned his head back and noticed how on the right side of the boy’s chest, there was a circle carved out with a noticeable slash inside. “Does it still hurt?”

“Nope!” He said cheerfully. “A bit sore, but it’s all good.”

The silence returned, and somewhere along the line, the sand would transition to thick dirt, and from afar was a house surrounded by rich green grass and a couple of trees from behind.

“And here we are. My place.” Hellboy announced.

“It’s quite far from the city.” The boy said.

“Yeah well, I tend to find myself in a lot of trouble. So this house can be the only peace I can have here.” When they reached the porch, the boy marveled at the scenic view that could be seen from there.

From the inside, portraits were plastered all around the walls with all kinds of different people. The dusty antique furniture around the house made the room feel like it was somehow misplaced at the wrong time. “Who are all of these people? Your friends?” The boy asked.

Hellboy looked around to see all of the portraits before him. “I actually don't know who these people are. The portraits were here when I found this place.”

“…Oh.” Was the only thing he said before going back to observing the house.

In a room upstairs, there was a fireplace in the west and a large wide bookshelf on the north, with a couple of books being stacked on top of the shelf as well as a small picture frame. In the middle there was a sofa in front of the bookshelf near a narrow window on the left side, and two chairs in the south and east as it surrounded a small, round table.

“Have a seat kid.”  Hellboy offered as he began walking somewhere else in the house. Now alone in the room, the boy silently sat on the sofa, bringing his legs close to his chest. He stared down to the floor with a blank stare, and listened carefully to what his thoughts had to say.

________________________________________________

Hellboy surfed through the many miscellaneous clothing that were inside a narrow closet. The clothes themselves weren’t exactly the problem, but considering that the kid reached past his shoulders, he doubted that any of these would fit. So instead, Hellboy was looking for one of his trench coats. While it was a hassle to find, he would always manage to find his clothing somewhere in this house whenever is torn up by whatever trouble he managed to get himself into.

This time, he found it deep inside a chest. Carrying the trench coat with one arm, he went back downstairs and to the living room. When returning, Hellboy saw the kid huddled up on the sofa, seemingly lost in thought as he stared down to the floor.

“Hey.” A single word appeared to be enough to snap the kid out from zoning out. He blinked and smiled at Hellboy.

The kid then noticed the trench coat hung over his arm. “What’s that?” He pointed.

Hellboy over his arm and passed it to the kid. “For you.”

He seemed to be taken aback and glanced back at the trench coat. “Wow, that’s very generous of you but why?”

“Kid, you got nothing on except some ripped shorts.”

His face burned a shade of lavender in embarrassment, however he still protested. ���But I’m already asking you too much already.” Hellboy sighed, he sure was humble.

“I got plenty, so don’t worry about it.” While the kid didn’t seem quite pleased about it, he still put the trench on for the sake of being polite. It was a little too big, but nothing like a little folding on the sleeves that couldn’t do the trick.

“Well now that’s out of the way, I wanna know what kind of bridge you’re looking for.” Hellboy said as he sat down on the chair facing towards the kid.

“Okay.” The kid then went on to describe the bridge he was looking for as best as he could, but to Hellboy it sounded like a regular old bridge.

“Y’know what, how about we do something else.” He got up and opened a drawer from a cabinet that had some paper and pencils. “How good are you at drawing?”

The kid simply shrugged in response. “Right, no memory.” Hellboy thought to himself before sitting back down and placing the pencil and paper onto the table. “Try drawing the bridge for me, then I’ll know better on what I should look for.”

The kid scooted closer to the table and carefully took the pencil from his hand. At first he drew calmly as he began with the shape of the bridge. Soon enough however, his use of the pencil became more frantic and wild the more detail he put onto it. But to Hellboy, it seemed like the kid still remained as calm as ever. There was no expression to be seen on his face, with the only exception being his vibrant yellow eyes. Eyes that had such intensity in focusing on the task hand.

Hellboy almost expected the kid to break the pencil in half but it never happened. He abruptly stopped and placed the pencil down. After blinking a few times, like if he broke out of some kind of trance, the kid looked back at Hellboy and smiled innocently as he gave the paper to him.

“Is it any helpful?” From the drawing alone, Hellboy couldn’t shake away from the ominous and oppressive aura that came from the bridge. It also looked like the kid drew down every detail he possibly could.

“Well at least we know that you have a knack for drawing.” The kid was quite amused at the notion, but Hellboy noticed that his comment had reminded of the newly-found dilemma. The half demon glanced back at the drawing. “I’m going to be honest with you, I’m not familiar with this bridge, however, I think I have an idea on where it could be.”

“You do?” The kid wondered.

“A while ago, I heard that there was a place far from here that anyone barely goes to.” Hellboy explained. “They say it’s a ‘realm shrouded in shadows’ or something like that. If this bridge you’re looking for isn’t anywhere around here, then maybe it’s there.”

It was very clear to see the hope shine through the boy’s eyes. “So how do we get there?”

“Well, I’ve been through almost everywhere this place has to offer, except what’s over that ocean.” Hellboy pointed at the window and the boy got up to look outside.

“Do you have a boat?”

“Don’t need one.” Hellboy took out a pack of cigarettes and a match from a pocket inside of his trench coat. “One day, I took a stroll to the shore, and it seems that the ocean is shallow all around.”

A mix of emotion was shown through the kid’s face, the excitement was still there, but there was this confounded fear Hellboy could sense. The kid was chalked full of mysteries. The half demon could only hope this trip could answer it all.

“I know I’ve probably have this too many times, but I really appreciate you helping me a lot, I doubt this was far from the list of things to do.” The kid expressed, looking back at Hellboy with an infectious smile.

Hellboy stayed silent for a moment, his expression never changing, compliments didn’t come often in his line of work. “Don’t mention it kid.” He lit the match and burned it to the bud of the cigarette before getting up. “Now how about we get going. There’s no telling how long it’ll take to get there.”

#tales of arcadia #trollhunters #toawizards #hellboy #jim lake jr #vanilla writing #tw death #I'm back on my crossover fic bullshit again dsjsdjdshj

[gracefulsunflower]

CONTRARY - FINN SHELBY X READER; PART 39

PUBLISHED: 15/07/2022

Part 1

MASTERLIST

TAGLIST

THIRD PERSON'S POV

You sat at your dining table, listening to the noise coming from inside as Finn, Saoirse, Daisy, Karl, Aberama, Bonnie, Isiah, and Oscar all worked together to cook breakfast — brunch, now, you mused as you looked at your watch.

It was Mother's Day today, and Finn and Saoirse were originally going to cook just you breakfast, but then Saoirse wanted to cook something for Ezzie, and Polly, and Ada, and Hilda. Jeremiah, who Isiah always celebrated Mother's Day and Father's Day with, was also invited. That was how that lot, as well as Isiah, Aberama, Karl, and Daisy ended up here. Saoirse then called Bonnie and demanded that he come and help cook or he wouldn't be a part of the family anymore (an empty threat, of course, but the cooking would feel incomplete without him). He ended up bringing Oscar, who was a welcomed addition.

You ended up taking the table outside so you could enjoy the weather, which wasn't all that bad at the moment.

You could hear your father instructing Saoirse on how to scramble the eggs properly. The smell drifted down to you and made you feel queasy, so you drank some of your ginger beer to fight it. This didn't go unnoticed by Polly, who poured you a cup of tea.

"Try some tea, love. Maybe it'll settle your stomach," She suggested, pushing the cup towards you.

You took it gratefully, sipping away.

"You're not reading my leaves, though," You warned the woman, seeing right through her antics.

She sighed, then looked at Esmeralda, who cocked an eyebrow as if to say 'I told you so'.

"What are you two on about?" You demanded, feeling terribly left out.

"Nothing," The two replied quickly, making it know that they were very much on about something.

"Oh, god, what's wrong with (Y/N)?" Ada questioned, knowing that the only time Polly read leaves was when someone had something big happening to them.

"Something's wrong with (Y/N)?" Hilda asked hurriedly, eyeing you worriedly.

"She looks fine," Jeremiah commented, sipping on his coffee as he read the newspaper, not even bothering to look at you or entertain the women's antics.

"Nothing's wrong with me!" You snapped, a bit louder than you should've, waking Finn Junior from his nap at your feet.

He yowled in protest, swiping at your ankles, making you yelp.

"Tell me what you two are going on about before I take your eyes out with a spoon," You threatened, narrowing your eyes at the pair sitting across from you.

Ezzie and Polly looked at each other, then back at you.

"I had a dream that you gave birth," Ezzie admitted, making you scoff.

"Your dreams are always hit-and-miss," You pointed out, she didn't always have dreams that came to be like you did.

You conveniently left out the fact that you also had a dream that you went into labour. It didn't feel like a prophetic dream. Just a normal dream. Wishful thinking. You knew the difference.

"And that is why I want to read your leaves," Polly added, making you huff as you tipped the remains of the cup out onto the ground, leaves and all, then slammed the cup back down onto the table, hard.

You were surprised that the cup didn't break.

The pair took that as a sign to take a step back. Hilda placed a hand on yours, and squeezed it comfortingly.

"If she was having a baby she would've told you all," Jeremiah pointed out, placing his newspaper down, not seeing any point to the women's nonsense.

You all sat tensely, waiting for brunch to be cooked and brought out.

"Is something burning?" Ada broke the thick silence, and you went to snap at her for saying something so ridiculous, but you soon smelled the scent yourself.

You all quickly looked back over at the house, and through the window you could see Finn, now rushing around with a smoking frying pan, everyone else in the kitchen laughing at him.

He left through the kitchen door, and after a few beats he appeared through the side door, rushing to the railing and throwing the burnt stuff onto the ground.

"What did you manage to burn, Finny boy?" Jeremiah called out to the boy, and Finn rolled his eyes.

"He burnt the onion!" Saoirse yelled out of the window, giggling.

"You shush, little miss," Finn commanded, pointing the frying pan at her, but grinned as she still giggled away.

"Finn, I was looking forward to having onion on my hamburger. Bee, divorce your husband," Ezzie joked, and you chuckled.

"I shall have to, the smell of burnt stuff stinks," You complained, screwing up your nose as you took a sip of your ginger beer.

"You know, they sort of look like you, (Y/N)," Finn said as he looked down at the burnt mess, then up at you.

"Finn Theo Shelby, stop comparing me to fucking onions! Push my buttons again and you're sleeping on the couch tonight," You said to your husband, narrowing your eyes at him, and the people around you started cackling.

"Love you," Finn threw over his shoulder before walking back inside.

•••

You all had a good brunch. Oscar and the kids had washed up and put away, and now you were all scattered around the house, either napping or relaxing. The kids were out on the play equipment with the cat and dogs.

You were stood in the kitchen with Ada, eating some leftover muffins, pencilling in Saoirse's next dentist appointment on the calendar. Ada came over and bumped you to the side, then started flipping around the calendar herself.

"What in the fuck are you looking for?" You asked her as she counted days, flipping back and forth between the pages.

"Couldn't find it, doesn't matter," She replied, and you rolled your eyes, downing the last of your drink.

"You right watching the kids? I feel tired," You said, and she nodded telling you to go and sleep and that she'd get the kids inside to colour so she could nap too.

You walked out to the hallway, and stuck your head through the doorway of the living room, where all of the couches were taken. Oscar and Bonnie were asleep on the couches in front of the fire. Hilda and Jeremiah were asleep on the couches surrounding the green rug.

You headed down the hallway to the smaller guest room, and stuck your head in the doorway there. Isiah and your sister were sound asleep, your sister snoring softly. You looked across the hall. Polly and Aberama.

You walked back down the hallway, into the living room and up the stairs, going down to your own room.

Finn was making himself comfortable in the bed, eyes half closed as he did so. You wasted no time kicking off your shoes and crawling into bed with him.

Finn quickly moved so he was flush against you, humming contentedly as you drifted off to dreamland, your husband not far behind you.

§§§

Chapter forty is next — it feels surreal to have a fanfic with such a high chapter count lmao

Also, honest question to you readers; Would you prefer me to follow the plot of the show and kill off Bonnie, or leave him alive?

Love y'all ❤️

- Sunflower x

TAGLIST

@meadownicolee

@toothlessmcleod

@im-your-possession

@bethabear12

@paisley-37

@shelundeadxxxx

@bluehairdie

@krillfromsky

@cucumberfingefsandwiches

NEXT PART

Part 40

#finn shelby #finn shelby x reader #finn shelby x y/n #finn shelby x you #peaky blinder fanfic #peaky blinders #x reader #arthur shelby #finn shelby fanfic #tommy shelby

[reddogf13]

Outlast 2: Deliverance CH 10

Also on A03

Status: Incomplete

Rated: M - Dead Dove Do Not Eat This takes place in the Outlast 2 universe after all, Blood and Gore, Child abuse, Sexual abuse of children & adults, Child killings, religious trauma, Torture and abuse both physical and mental.

Previous chap: Ch: 9 Uhtceare

Next chap: Ch: 11 Dysania

_____________________________________

~Ch: 10 Sleight~

Blake rushed with James to the barn. Record book in hand to chart down the damage done to their supplies. “How much was taken?” He wheezed along the way.

“Five rations worth.”

“That's it?” compared to what he feared, the whole barn emptied, five wasn't bad. “That's not much.”

James gave a snappy tone in mistaking Blake's for lacking concern. “No, but it will be if it keeps happening.”

“Oh, no, I know it will be. But why not more? Only five rations worth? Why not make off with at least a quarter of the barn?”

“Couldn't carry that much? Afraid they'd get caught takin' too long? Who knows with heretics.”

“They're not heretics, they're just people trying to survive.”

“Thieves then. Who need to be dealt with. Stealing food is a hangin' offense.” opening the doors for Blake to inspect inside. Pointing out the various things missing. “Jerky, pickled vegetables-”

“A few bags of fresh stuff.” Blake marked down. “You sure the kitchen staff didn't take it?”

“Positive, all's accounted for there. Nothin' extra in the kitchen.”

“Help me gather the rest of the lords. We're having an emergency meeting.” Things were going by so fast it took him a moment to gather himself in the middle of the meeting. Arguing had shot off on what to do about the heretics. Turning to topics Blake wasn't approving. “We're not killing them!” He shouted.

“We have to!” Liam shouted back.

Supported by James. “We should've dealt with 'em a long time ago. They think they can take whatever they want. This is just them testin' the boundaries I bet. If we don't act, they'll walk all over us. Stealin' more, if not everythin', next time.”

“And what after that? Right now it's food, but after they get stronger? What if they go after people like before? Picking us off who step past what rusted fences we have left?”

“Should have left those up.”

“NO!” Blake slammed a fist. “They stole food because they want to live like the rest of us. They could've taken a whole lot more than five rations. Could've taken half the barn in the night, but they didn't. They used restraint in how much they took. They're not heretics. They're survivors that escaped Knoths iron fist and had no direction to go. Or any sort of outside help that could've led them to safety. I'm not going to be the one who executes them after fighting so hard for survival.” He looked at the others at the table. John looked like he wanted to say something, but shrunk from the table over all the yelling. Mathew looked about the same in the crumbling discussion.

Liam huffed. “Still, something has to be done. If you don't then the rest of us will.”

Marta crushing anymore thought of that. “Step out of line and see what happens.”

“Marta.” Blake warned in name. She gave him a glance then looked away, mumbling verses again. He didn't want her shutting things down, even if they weren't in his favor. That would only breed fear and hatred toward him and keep people silent instead of expressing their problems. “Me and Marta will discuss what to do. I won't kill them, but I won't let them keep stealing from us. The rest of you can leave until I think of something.” Waiting until the hall was cleared.

“Should we kill them now?”

“... No. …” If I don't make Val a target, then maybe I won't make myself one

“Should we capture them?”

“No. …”

“You wish to leave them?”

“If I could-” Locking up at the thought of taming Val, being caught and taken to the jail. Surely her followers would attempt to break her out. The overhanging fear of if she'd escape in the night. He'd be the grand trophy soon as she got out. Waking to the screams of people her and her followers slaughtered. He'd desperately run to hide in some far off corner. They'd search every crevice until they found him. The sounds of her steps approaching. Her voice coaxing him to come out. When he'd come face to face with her again forcing him down. Covered in muck and blood like down in the mines.

“Blake?” Marta's voice pulled him out of it. “You look ill.”

“Ugh, stress is all.” Swallowing his stomach. “I- ...” God, what do I do? I can't tame Val like she's some feral animal. Do I have to chain her up like one? Need to stop thinking of her like that. She can talk, she's a human being, she's not dumb. Feeling sick he hung his head low. I can't talk to her. She won't dare talk with Marta. Is there- ! His head shot up. “I need a diplomat.”

“Why not speak to her yourself? We know where they are. I can crack her if she takes a chance at you.”

“If I get her under control with a diplomat then as long as she follows the rules.” A nervous laugh escaped him. “Everything will be fine.”

The look he got from Marta showed her doubts. Her tone one that Blake hadn't heard in a long time. “She's a lustful demon who brings misery.” Oozing a viscous hatred toward the one she spoke of. “When her thirst for blood returns. She'll use you to fill her cup first.”

“... Do you want to … ?” In every other case she didn't have the spirit without Knoths reassuring preaching. When it came to Val however...

“... I was always behind her, even under Knoth and she knew it well.” Her hatred filled gaze locked onto the table. “My faith was imperfect after all. When she fled I was given the task to crush her. To prove how unfaltering my faith was … all I could hear was her unending mockery outside Temple Gate, for months. always behind. ... I knew one day I'd get my hands on her and she wouldn't receive an ounce of mercy. No matter how she begged or what pleas to God she'd scream. She knows it, and dares not tempt me whilst in reach.” Her eyes rose back to him. “… If I asked you, would you order me to kill Val?”

“No. ... Do you think I'm wrong to spare Val? Am I too soft?” Doubting himself on handling the situation.

“No. You have not led me astray yet, angel. You have kept your promise, even if I'm not joyful about it this time, for that I will always trust your lead.”

He smiled. “Thank you.”

“Who will be your diplomat?”

“I don't know. … Has to be whoever's inside at least. They've lived within Temple Gate, but Val must trust them a lot.”

“How shall we catch them then? They've been slippin' through our grip for days now anytime one of us nears.”

“We need to draw them out a bit. First is solving the theft problem, which will help with the other. Lock it up tight for a few days then leave it unlocked with a trap set.”

“That seems too obvious.”

“Yes, but we'll starve them into it. if they're that hard for food they'll chance it even if they know full well what it is.”

“What if Val calls in a large group to raid the whole barn? She could send in someone from the outside instead of risking those closer.”

“ A huge group like that managing it through the main of Temple Gate? And out again carrying huge loads of food. I don't think she could pull that off with the roaming guard. You can see the storage barn clear from your place already.”

“Are we going to ambush them?”

“No, this will be a lot more subtle. I know banks on the outside have explosive dye packs that stain the skin. Robbers accidentally dye themselves from the trap which leads police right to them. We look for anyone who didn't show for work. Or those suddenly wearing gloves. Check their hands and we'll know immediately. I could set something up like a dye without the bursting part.”

“Out of what?”

“Pen ink for one, a lot of it. I'll need to mix it with something to keep it from drying away. Then I only need a way to spread it on the thief in the act.”

“How long 'till we set this?”

“Three days if I figure it out before then. Just long enough to force their hand before starving. In the meantime keep watching that skittish. Maybe we'll find out more as they get desperate.”

“Let's say you do get 'em marked. What if they run? We'll be outta food and your diplomat.”

“You'll be watching. I know you can catch them. Don't hurt them though.”

Having the foundation for a plan, Blake called back James and Liam. Setting out an order to gather up every lockable cabinet or chest. All food would be locked away in each aside from another lock on the barn doors. James was to watch everyone going into the barn and make sure nothing was taken without permission. Blake promised them both he had more planned, but couldn't say. And that the locks were a small measure for now to set things up. When that was said and done he went to the privacy of his room to experiment with ink and various liquids. Mixing some drops into dish soap, cooking oil, and whatever else he found in the grand hall cabinets. His experiments not delivering a satisfactory mixture that would last. He had patches of dots covering his skin that were coming off far too easily. Half were gone from all the scrub tests he was doing.

What's so annoying to remove from skin? Remembering the time he ate a pomegranate that stained his hands red for a couple days. He went out to raid the kitchen for any fruit. Finding jars of jam to be his only option he grabbed one made of black berry's. His next experimental mixture proved itself to be quite the winner. It would keep the ink alive while providing its own dreadful stain age. The annoying stickiness would provide a small bonus of annoying the thieves causing problems. He stored away his supplies for the future, wrapped in a rugged cloth that would complete the trap. It would be what delivered the dye onto the unsuspecting thieves. Dropping the cloth down might miss or not stain enough. It has to be grabbed for some reason. Wrap up a bunch of supplies they have to unravel? Trunk would be best for that, but what if they just pick it up? Double checking any failures that could occur. The barn's new security measures had prevented anymore theft. Keeping to schedule on setting the trap on the next day. No one knew exactly what the trap was. The most James knew was that they'd “accidentally” leave the barn unlocked at the end of day. In his room Blake was mixing up his sticky dye into the ragged cloth. Wearing gloves the entire time he sloshed the bucket around. The cloth itself was permanently dyed by this point.

Next day he went out, holding his record book in one hand and covered dye bucket in the other. with Marta going one way and him heading for the barn to finalize the trap. Meeting up with James as if following the usual record taking schedule.

“What are we doing?” James asked as he followed Blake into the barn.

He pulled out one locked chest to open. “We're going to take out the jars in this chest, fill it with rocks, put jars back and layer them up into this cloth wet with dye. Set it back and keep it open, everything else stays locked. When whoever comes in to steal they'll pick what's easiest to get to. They can't lift it with the added rocks so they'll have to rummage for the jars. Try to unwrap them and get dye all over their hands. With how sticky it is they might make it worse by trying to wipe it off on their clothes. They'll be covered in dye by the time they leave and anyone else who touches the jars.” He explained while helped by James emptying the chest. Large slabs of stone set as evenly as possible at the bottom. Slipping back on the gloves Blake went to cautiously fold the fabric in. James layering jars between the winding over and under folds. Anybody wanting to grab jars had to slip away the cloth or risk yanking out jars that would break.

“You know, we're basically giving this food to them.” James grunted as they moved the chest. It took extreme effort to shove it back into place. Even Marta would struggle to drag it out. A few carrying it into the rugged forest would be impossible.

“I know, at this point it's allowed. I don't want to starve them to death. Hopefully after this we can set up rationing for them too.” Grabbing the jars was what the trap hinged on to tag any thieves. A loss Blake took as natural to help feed those starving.

“You want to feed them? Why, they haven't done any work to earn it?!”

“I want to make a line of communication with them. If we can work something out then we won't have to fear them any more and they get the help they need.”

“We could just get rid of 'em. Solves our problems and they don't get to eat for free.”

“No. I'm going to help them as much as I helped everyone else.”

“You better hope they don't stab you in the back.” James warned on their way to dinner. Barn door left cracked open to bait who came by.

Blake skipped out on eating. Unable to sleep that night under all the anxiety for tomorrow morning. Carving little figures again of wolves and bears to calm his nerves. When the morning light pooled under his door he left his room to meet the lords. Noticing right away that one was missing. “Where's john?”

Mathew was quick to answer. “He's sick, s-said he might be around later.”

“… Anything important he wanted to tell me?”

“No.” Unblinking without daring a glance away from Blake's stare.

Marta jumped on before Blake could reply. “You seen anyone strange around the hunting party? Skulking around that could be spyin' for Val?”

“N-no, I don't really stay with my dad m-much after workin' the hospital.” Ignoring the fact that Marta was aggressively glaring him down. “Should I be looking? I ain't very good at spotting people. I don't think i-id know.” shaking under the pressure.

“Okay!” Blake stopped them. “… James, anything new?”

“More foods been stolen.”

Feigning surprise. “Shit, how'd that happen?”

“I think someone accidentally left the doors unlocked.”

“Well, we better double check and record what's gone. Anything important from the rest of you?” Receiving many head shakes. “Alright, dismissed. James, we'll meet you at the barn. Marta, and I need to discuss some things.” Waiting until they were alone to discuss the current unveiling. Marta's aggression unfolding in wanting to grab others she thought were traitors. “Johns a filthy traitor. Saw him fleein' the barn last night. Didn't bother to chase the snake after he headed right home. Think he expects to get the dye off before we notice. Should I interrogate Mathew?”

“See anyone else?” rubbing the bridge of his nose.

“Your second shadow. I chased them, but lost ‘em down one of the alley ways.”

“Great, we'll both go talk to John, but only after we investigate the barn.”

“We should grab him now.”

“He won't want to risk his kid. Keep an eye on Mathew, but wait 'till I say.”

She mumbled a chain of frustrated verses. “As the angel asks, but that boy knows more than he lets on.”

“How do you know?”

“You can read anyone like a book if you watch 'em close enough. Even with your poor sight.”

“Hooow?”

“Each persons different. John's shoulders tense up too much when caught in a lie. Deeper you dig the more uncomfortable he gets. Starts shifting them like he slept on 'em wrong. Mathew gets too bold a stare tryin' to spare himself of guilt. Stumbling over his words like a drunk, with piled up words to buy him time to spin a story.”

“Mm, I'll take note of that.”

“He knows somethin' about that kill in the hall.”

“Do you think he did it?”

“No, not sure where his hand in it was. He did more than run right home, I'm sure of that.”

“Hm.” Save his interrogation for later. “After we interrogate John, I want you to look for anyone else who could be tagged. Then we'll look into Mathew.” Walking them out to the barn where they saw the crime scene inside. Chest shuffled from its last position, but not far. Fabric tossed aside to dye the floor. Chest covered in dark hand prints from being handled so much. All the jars filling it were long gone. “Someones definitely tagged. Me and Marta are going to visit a few we think are involved. For today, pay attention to anyone missing, look for anyone with dye on their hands or those trying to suddenly stay covered.” He told James, on the way out with Marta leading the way to johns. Blake approached the front door to knock.

John answered, partly hiding behind the door. “Sir?”

“Heard you were sick. You okay?”

His voice jitterly assured. “Oh, I'm fine.” Rubbing a shoulder with a gloved hand. “Nothing serious, must be a cold.”

“Why are you wearing gloves?”

“Oh, uh, blisters. From work” Shifting his shoulders. “The cold air doesn't help them feel any better.”

“Oh, I can help those. Let me see.”

“No need. It's not that serious. I think I'll go back to bed now. This cold-”

Marta shoved her way inside. “Sit down.” She ordered with a point to his small dining table. Scaring John into following orders. She loomed over him where he sat while Blake sat down across from him.

Blake ordered, “Let me see your hands.” Instead of asking this time.

John rubbed them together as he glanced around for some way out of this situation. Unable to run while under Marta's watch and unable to talk his way out. He slipped the gloves off to reveal skin covered by that dark reddish dye.

Blake sighed at the sight. “Stand up, we need to go talk.”

John went pale. “I know what I did was serious.” Pleading before anything else was said. “It was all me sir, please don't drag my boy into this. Don't lock him up, I swear-”

“John.” the furious look he shot him shut him up immediately. This whole time Blake had to deal with so much anxiety. That all washed away to a burning anger. “Do you realize how much shit I've been dealing with? You've been stealing food and I had to stop the hunts.” John sat in silence. Blake let out his anger in a frustrated breath. “This is serious. We need a long talk someplace private. Don't cause a scene on the way or you'll make things worse.” Getting him up to head out. Marta aggressively followed him the entire way. They stepped down into the jail where they entered a small side room. Marta stood by the door while Blake and John sat at a table.

Where to begin? Blake thought. “You need to answer honestly or else I can't help anyone here. Right now, you and your son could be jailed or banished out of Temple Gate if you refuse to cooperate.” Seeing John swallow at the threat. He took a deep breath to start the questioning. “Why were you stealing food?” He knew the answer, but this was to get confirmation from John as well as something easy to answer.

“Help feed everyone. It was easier with the foraging still high, but with everything dead 'till spring. Hunting was all that was left. They couldn't catch enough.”

“So you set up the hunting party to be robbed?”

“Yes, The meat never lasted. They were starving even before Knoths death, over half were sick or too injured to help. Their situation never improved after. Had no supplies to farm, barely a shelter or anything to survive on like Temple Gate has.”

“What else have you given them?”

“Only medication on the day you handed it out.”

“Did you set me up when we first headed for town? You didn't want me bringing Marta along.”

“NO! No, no!” He adamantly denied. Shrinking in his chair as if Marta would bash his skull in any moment now. “We were scared of what Marta would do if she found us. They had no ways to defend themselves. If I was leading, You pass by without Marta and they don't get anymore danger over their heads. When the mudslide hit I convinced James and Jacob to split up. Either they found you or Val would after I asked her for help.”

“Then why was I almost killed?!”

“That wasn't supposed to happen. Val didn't want that, It was Ayzel who did it. He still has a bone to pick with Temple Gate. Val was furious when she caught him and worried Temple Gate would come after us for harming you. The plan from there was to take you to the caves and make sure you were okay. I would've been “caught” to give you support until then. After you were better enough we would have “escaped”. That never happened after you ran. At that point nothing mattered. We were past the caves, Marta was there and she wasn't going to leave after that.”

“So Val's not after me?”

“No, she's not after anyone. Her goal matches yours - keep everyone alive. She's been struggling to keep the clan on their feet.”

“A while ago we caught her and a random member of hers wandering some rotten area. The area south east, close to the cave. She was standing by until we let that one go. What was that about?”

“She'd mention a few times about worrying what Temple Gate was planning. Wanting to keep post at night to feel assured that no attack was coming. One talk we had I noticed she wasn't as paranoid as before. Sounds like what you did helped.”

“Great, is Mathew helping her too?”

“... Yes, but not nearly as much as me. If we were caught I didn't want him blamed. Please don't exile him for this. Please.”

“I won't if you help me with Val.”

John froze at what that could mean. “I- how?”

“I want to make you a diplomat. You'll pass messages between me and Val on how to handle issues between us. I can help them, but they're some conditions. She can't keep stealing food, that has to stop or else. If she agrees to that I'll give them rations, but I need to know the exact number of how many of you there are.” I'll also know officially how many of them there are against us.

“I-I don't know if I-”

“If you can't convince her to agree, then don't bother coming back.” His fierce gaze pierced John's soul. “Stealing food is serious and I won't allow you to stay here. Forcing me to worry about what you'll do next. Putting everyone at risk. Your son can stay, but he'll be demoted and watched more carefully. I'm going to let you go today. Starting now, you have three days to work it out with her or leave. Got that?”

“Yes sir.”

#outlast 2 #blake langermann #outlast 2: deliverance #marta outlast #temple gate #val outlast

[jf-md]

Define sex in my dictionary?

It is merging the soul and astral body. Merging of the body and spirit. It is kinda sacred cause it has long term effects that will transcend one’s generation and lifetime.

During intercourse, both bodies emit a certain degree of light. It was full of love, lust and bright colourful light.

aura of each person engaged in the sexual act is open to each other.  Both our auras are always united and her soul easily “sees” and “feels” into his aura.  Her conscious mind is not aware but her spirit mind is, and so she senses this infidelity.

the presence of love is powerful and significant in the safety of both souls during the sexual act itself.

If the act is caused by love, this light energy serves as a force field against negative energies hovering around the couple’s space. Their auras are exclusively open only to each other and are penetrable only by the same level of light energies.

If there is no love, and lust is the primal cause of the act, both persons are open for dark energies to enter both their fields.

Negative entities of this kind hook themselves deep into the aura of the chosen partner and will feed from the host indefinitely.  

Lustful entities are highly attracted to this kind of lustful union.  The person chosen to be the prey of these types of “demons” will be more and more lustful and will crave for more similar unions.  

That is why people who have tried casual sex once tend to have succeeding free sex events.  Also, they become afraid and unwilling to enter a committed relationship.  Or if they ever enter into a committed relationship, they will still be unfaithful or promiscuous after a while.

Another occurrence during intercourse is soul fragmentation.  This happens whether it be a union with or without love.  As soon as both bodies and soul separate, part of the soul body of one partner is taken by the other and viceversa.  This leaves both souls fragmented or both their souls are not whole anymore. Part has been taken by the other, leaving a feeling of incompleteness or insufficiency to the other.  If a major part has been taken away, this results to severe depression, emotional incapacity, psychological issues and withdrawal.

In deep loving relationships, soul fragmentation happens in chunks. Couples who love each other tend to give almost all of themselves and at the same time, want to take almost the whole being of the other. This emotion is put into spiritual action during the sexual union. They fragment each other’s soul and the exchange is done with full permission.   When a partner leaves, he/she takes with him/her that which was originally part of the other. That is why it takes years for one to truly and completely move on or get over the other partner if they get separated or one dies.  This gives credibility to the lines, “I feel so broken and empty now that she’s gone”, and, “He took my heart with him when he left”.

In a non-loving casual sex scenario, fragmentation happens but in very different ways.  The fragmentation occurs because one is only attracted to that part of the person.  The soul that is needy of that particular attribute takes it away from the other’s soul.  This leaves the other feeling something is missing and yet clueless about it.  The person fragmented or unwhole will feel emptiness, a sense of unfulfillment and unfaithfulness. He/she will constantly have multiple partners, because of the subconscious need to search for the soul’s missing parts.

It is also interesting to note that during the sexual union, both partners tend to feed on each other’s energy and the ingestion is very powerful.  It is usually the weaker one that feeds on the stronger.

This is where I’ve got problem with this. I'm always feeling guilty. I’m always ended up being stronger. I have stronger life force and that makes me hunger. That’s my spiritual malady.

Every time I'm having sex, I tend to suck much of the woman’s youth energy.  This makes me physically stronger and potent and leaves the woman, partially depleted of her youthful energy and appearance. She, out of her love for him, was unaware yet shared part of her youth to him. And because the imparting of such energy was done in love, she will look older but she will not be sickly.

This feeding also happens in cases where there is no love involved. It is a form of energy vampirism because the energy sucked from the sex partner was not given willingly by the other soul.

I’m that toxic, being feed by a lot of female youths.

Since the astral bodies (spirit bodies) and auras of both partners unite during liberated sex, many traits, habits and vices that one has will be shared by the other.  Aside from those, all unpleasant energies and karma, including present and future illnesses will be passed to the other. Even unfavorable spirits attached to one will be received by the other. Curses will also be shared.

Casual sex is never motivated by love.   A negative feeling, like lust or fear is what fuels it. Since this act is empowered by a negative source, only the dark and bad in one’s aura is transferred to the other. I have deep respect for them as humans and for braving such difficulties and risks just to earn a living for their loved ones.

In a loving sexual relationship, even the good talents, gifts, abilities and blessings can be passed to each other.  Love will allow the movement of positive baggage from one aura to another.

After intercourse, the person will begin experiencing whatever sense of reality the other one has.  Events and incidences commonly attracted by the other will now be magnetized by this person.  Even the other’s emotional state and vices will manifest in this person’s life.

Unexplained sadness, emptiness, confusion or guilt are the early symptoms one will experience after casual sex.  One’s way of thinking will begin to change and get distorted.  One will begin liking different things or activities. Habits will shift, including hobbies. Mood changes will be frequent, including feeling easily drained and sick. Even changing tastes and lifestyles will manifest in a short time. Eventually, the deep effects of a fragmented soul will surface causing depression and hopelessness. In the end, one’s authentic self will be will be drowned and lost.

I would like to add that the detrimental effects of casual sex go beyond a person’s generation. The dark energies which the person inherited from his casual sex partner will stay with him and flourish even to his children and grand children. These opportunistic beings are transferred when one’s child is born.  They will stay and camp close to the child until the time comes that they succeed in gaining entrance to its aura through vices such as free sex, drugs, alcoholism, smoking, gaming addiction, pornography or other forms of destructive activities. Once they gain entrance, the vicious cycle of desolating the soul begins. If not healed, these negative entities will live within their bloodline for generations.

When I was analyzing this relative’s story, I discovered that his father was also a womanizer.  My relative was an only son.  He lost his promiscuous father early in life and he alone worked his way to financial success, until the dark entities his father unknowingly passed to him, found a way to gain entrance into his aura.  These dark beings set him up by using money.  Then they prepared more traps until he fell into free sex.  This let them gain entrance into his astral body and his life.

This explains why we often notice that patterns are repeated through generations.  For example, a drunkard usually had an alcoholic parent.  A philandering wife had an unfaithful parent. A drug addict had drug addicts for parents.  A heavy chain smoker had a parent just like him, and so on.

It is essential to know that when you engage in casual sex, you not only receive whatever karma and negative baggage your partner has. You also inherit all other loads this partner received from her/his other casual sex partners. Just imagine all the ugly and heavy burdens of so many people you don’t even know, transferring and taking permanent residence in your aura and taking control of your life! You essentially become someone you don’t know or you don’t ever want to be.

Liberated sex creates soul ties which transcend time and space. When one dies, if he was not healed of the ruin he did to his astral body, all that he received from others through casual sex will follow and affect him in future incarnations.  The unlearned lessons or karma of others, now his as well, will be added to the hurdles he will have to master and overcome in succeeding lifetimes.

[lacunasbalustrade]

for the word game! "home", "treasure", "epiphany" (u can find synonyms! epiphany might be a little tough hehe)

Thank you~ for yours, I’ll send “stay”, “blinked”, and “redemption”!!! Synonyms also ^^

- home

[bury me with your regrets]

He smoothed up the crumpled paper with its dog-eared edges and slipped it in on his way home.

Miwa left a note of regrets neatly pressed in his neighbour's mailbox after an economics lecture. Actually, this line is fun to think about, plucked out from the rest of the paper. "Smoothed up the crumpled paper", he's a caring and meticulous person. Maybe a little too focused on his public appearance. "Dog-eared edges", he's a messy person and perhaps fidgets with his writing paper for comfort (like me hehe), or perhaps dog-eared is a reference to his nature. Perhaps he's making an effort to be less warm and inviting, like a dog, to depersonify the piece of himself that he trusted to his neighbour, like a last line of defence to make it all seem more humourous.

On his way home. But where is home? Miwa doesn't really have a home. The apartment is empty and no one he knows lives there. He moved out of his family place. It's ironic that I meant the opposite of what I said.

[bury me with your regrets]

But against his will his meddlesome feet take over and drag him to his mailbox. His traitorous (or perhaps wise) fingers squeeze out one sentence. "I can't do this anymore." Then he runs back to his home and buries himself in a stack of documents he needs to get filed. Paperwork, mostly old certificates and things like that. Invitations he should have thrown away by now but instead has lugged from place to place like a weary despair. Halfway through he realises he's throwing everything into the 'Recycle' pile.

Do I only use 'home' ironically? More like cave of regrets and unwashed uncleaned stuff.

[k & co]

You scrub at them like you're possessed; the brand new turquoise toothbrush you threw out because you used it when you were Reversed, the contents of your leftover budget beef stew made in New York with extra caramelised onions after a day spent Reversing fighters downtown, the rain shower at home that you sprayed with Dettol until you were coughing from the stench, until you came to Card Capital smelling of the disinfectant.

In this one, Kai Toshiki tries to alienate all traces of himself from a time that he regretted. He had accepted a dark power, and it was such a source of humiliation for him that he tried to clean himself away from his own home, until it literally became toxic for him. Until actual physiological effects took place. He succeeded in making a familiar environment reject him, and still came back to it every day, perhaps in order to harm himself.

[the suffering breaths we draw through chains]

They are stained a light, golden brown impervious to water; made of some sort of newfangled scratch-proof cellulose acetate overlay you use to cover up rotten, misplaced or maybe unappealing planks (Sofia reads way too many home renovation magazines) - but they still squeak, and in the gaps of those acetate planks I can hear the testament of how incomplete your life here is, Hyoryu.

This one is a little affectionate, and gives me some hope for the dastardly pessimism of my writing. Rouga works always are.

[k & co]

You are just a friend, just a friend, just a friend, and that comes without any baggage, you'll never feel like you owe something to me, I can be the one you're comfortable around, someone you can find waiting for you at home.

(I gave up on formatting the lines back to normal here lol)

This one is marginally better. Miwa Taishi is denying that there are any expectations of each other in his friendship with Toshiki Kai in an attempt to pretend that nothing has changed in their dynamic and that he's merely a convenient fixture, when Kai in actuality feels deep gratitude to him and wants to repay it. Uncomfortable with the feeling of being appreciated, he tries to keep everything the same; and Kai distracted.

- treasure (includes synonyms)

[open wide]

Miguel is her present, in more ways than one, a gift whose heart cannot be given because it already belongs to their lord, but whom has given her everything he can take without incurring debt.

Small mercies, that he cannot break his own heart.

what is wrong with me why is this so horribly sarcastic.

[progressively worse is all we've got]

But I continue to recall these reasons in the glaring blood of the dying sun and continue to trail behind you as you still wait for me instead of walking beside, instead of leading.

What for?

You could never be a regret, but I want so much more than that for you; someone who has been holding my cowardice as a treasure for such a long, painful time.

This is basically grief ok?

[the suffering breaths we draw through chains]

You can't just throw away the years I treasured for you when I threw away every opportunity other people gave me because I saved it all for you. Kyoya you can't just lie to me and then treat me like a dirty rag you were keeping around out of pity, I thought we were equals!

The idea of grief again.

[what can’t hurt you] There are occasionally wild herbs the army chef Kai finds and hoards like a dragon, but he can be persuaded with a little pleading to share some of his bounty. He wraps these in little notes and has them posted back to the country house. Every herb will help with the bills. 

this at least doesn’t seem to have any negative connotation (who am I kidding this character DIES)

- epiphany

[reminder of a safe return]

It's a full two years before Rouga takes a glance in the mirror with Eagle on his shoulder and realises the extent of Kyoya's obsession with imagery.

Or well perhaps that’s me and not Rouga.

#<archetypal riddles>

[journalofsorts2]

livings gotten easier lately. i feel more distracted and the bad thoughts really have only started seeping in at night when i think too much. but for the most part i've been having more good days and better bad days. but i still have this pit in my stomach. i still have this aching empty feeling gnawing at my stomach. i still feel gone. i still feeling like i'm not the one living my life. i still feeling like i'm watching everything go by. my only question is, when does this go away? the more i think on it, the more i can't remember a time when i didn't feel empty like this. the more i remember, the more i realize i've always felt incomplete and empty. i don't know how to accurately explain it. it's like i have tears to cry but i can't. i have words to shout but i can't. i have things to be giddy over but i can't. all i can do is sit and watch everything go by. all i can do is sleep. i fall asleep because i have nothing else to feel. and maybe this is a result of bottling up every emotion, good or bad, for my whole life. maybe my body is so used to not feeling those emotions that i just can't feel them normally anymore. i just feel so empty. i want someone to cut my stomach open and fill it with cotton and wool and sew me back up so that i feel full. i don't want to feel empty. i don't like this. it feel painful. it hurts to feel this empty. to feel empty on such a deep level. i don't know how to get rid of it. i don't know how to fix it. i don't even know how to explain it. any attempt i have at putting it into words just makes it sound like i'm a lazy sack of shit who doesn't have a life. i just want to feel something. something that doesn't stand beside this emptiness but takes its place. it feels like a piece of me is missing. a piece that i've never seen and never felt, but a piece of me nonetheless. it feels like someone cut open my stomach and took what was inside and left me to feel like that's how everyone feels. how do i get rid of this? how do i fix this? how do i feel present again? how do i not feel like a bystander watching through my eyes? how do i feel like me again? who am i? why do i feel like this? why won't someone help me? i just want someone to fix me because i'm incapable of fixing anything myself. help me

#journalofsorts rants

[the-firebird69]

She just never some people are up and heading to combat with the clones. Giant armies are for me of massive proportion by the way these are very large armies. They are the majority of the people in the area. And they're moving to the north and to the Pacific and to all of the pits all of them and now and they are fighting it is a huge day huge. The numbers are staggering, there are so many.

Huge areas are emptying. We are going clearing and occupied immediately. There are areas you're completely empty and devoid of anyone. Gigantic City areas have left. We use it now and take over fully it's basically everywhere and it empties out the suburbs first and I'll be out there and then the suburbs then the outskirts and it flows towards cities where the tunnel starts are. It's a massive Exodus huge huge numbers. There are a lot of people saying there won't be anybody left and they flow in and they are fighting a huge Force of clones. We do see the clones faltering. And falling in some areas in the tunnels they're not there anymore and their bases are destroyed ships incomplete. Thus far. Huge huge fights down there with these clothes massive battles. It's a whole different world the caverns are so big it's like the planetoid. I would say that half of the clothes are gone and up north in Canada they have depleted their forces to probably 1/3 and we suspect that pink is there. Huge numbers are now go in there, they hear from their own yes she's up there and they want to dis continue the nightmare. This is it everybody they're going to do it and they're going to force her to titan.

Thor Freya

You're welcome this day it's perfect timing too he's going to sign cuz you can remember it

Hera

Yup

Zues

Olympus we approved this message and even his last one and you'll see why

[the-letter-horror-lover]

BORUTO ALTER: Last Shinobi by SongofVedas

Anime » Naruto Rated: T, English, Adventure & Fantasy, Naruto U., Sasuke U., Boruto U., Sarada U., Words: 112k+, Favs: 48, Follows: 49, Published: Dec 2, 2020 Updated: Jul 19

21Chapter 33: THE EXAMS BEGIN!

BORUTO. ALTER

BORUTO ate ravenously, quietly finishing the breakfast Mom prepared. Beside him Himawari sat, slurping ramen with messy abandon.

Hinata watched the both of them eat-

For the first time in a long time, Mom looked happy.

Though there was an air of concern around her-

Today was the commencement of the Chunin Exams.

Hinata had sat with them both the previous night, warning of the dangers they could face.

"No matter what, protect each other." Hinata's voice, unusually stern, echoed within Boruto's mind.

Two days ago, Boruto and Himawari had received something- a box containing an electric wristband with a blank circular panel, and a piece of cloth with the character "8" drawn on it in thick ink.

There were instructions as well-

They were to wear the wristband on their left, and the cloth on their right. Further, the two of them were directed to the Forty Fourth Training Grounds..

Otherwise known as the Forest of Death. Boruto's instructions ordered him to go to gate Taishi. Himawari's instructed that she report to gate Suihe.

I wonder what the difference means.

Boruto placed down his eating utensils, resting them across a now empty bowl.

"Thanks, Mom. This was the best meal I've had in months." Boruto gave Hinata a smile.

Himawari concurred, drinking the remnants of soup and then crashing her bowl against a wooden table.

"I can tell you made it special for us. So sentimental.." She said with an annoyed grin that matched Boruto's.

"Of course. This is a special occasion.. for the both of you." Hinata looked at Boruto for a moment-

It seemed she wanted to say something.

Hinata gazed downwards at her own unfinished meal.

"I want you both to stay safe. The Chunin exams aren't as dangerous as they were for your father and I.. still, you need to be vigilant of everyone and everything." Hinata cautioned.

"It's not too late, Hima." Hinata added, giving a pleading look to her daughter.

Himawari laughed cynically.

"I told you already mom, I feel great- more than great, actually. My chakra.. its-" Himawari tensed.

Boruto gave his sister a shadowed, worried glance.

It feels more like dad's.

"I.. just want you to be careful, Hima. Don't get caught up in the exam.. if you feel anything strange, please ensure you're taken care of. Even if it means dropping out." Hinata's smile slowly turned into a frown.

"You as well, Boruto." She added.

"There's no chance I'm dropping out. I've wanted this for three years." Himawari's sharp eyes narrowed.

"I almost died. There's no way.." Himawari's eyes grew harsh-

almost as if she felt the pain of what she suffered again.

"No matter what, I'm staying in until I can't fight anymore." She whispered.

Hinata laughed quietly, gracing both of her children with a face that silently whispered of loss.

"That's what I'm afraid of." Hinata rose then, taking the bowls from Boruto and Hima.

"What do you think is going to happen? All those names.. I didn't think there'd be so many genin.." Himawari turned to Boruto, blue eyes widening in excitement.

Boruto nodded, taking Hinata's bowl and placing it by her at the sink while answering his sister.

"Shikadai said this is the first time incomplete teams are competing too. Even some Konoha genin entered alone." Boruto returned to his seat, chair squeaking in slight protest.

A ledger of names were included along with their wristbands. Boruto had first looked for Mitsuki's name, wondering if Mitsuki had dropped out of the exams-

I looked everywhere for him when I came back three days ago.

Boruto closed blue-silver eyes, regret painting over them.

Mitsuki's name was on the list. Boruto was hoping to speak to Mitsuki privately before the Exams begun-

Though now it seems that he lost that opportunity.

He hoped at the very least Mitsuki would be at the same gate Boruto was assigned to. He had also noticed Sumire was taking the exams as well-

Sarada and Himawari visited Sumire two days previously. They both said she was doing better and seemed far more normal..

A knock politely sounded at the door three times.

Himawari leapt from her seat, flashing to the door in the seconds between the first knock.

Boruto and Hinata both turned to see who it was-

"Sarada, Shikadai." Himawari greeted, opening the door fully for the pair.

Himawari smiled, moving aside as the two genin strode into Boruto's home.

"Lady Uzumaki," Shikadai bowed, Sarada doing the same.

Shikadai turned back around to face Hima.

"Himawari- it's great to see you doing better. I'm sure I don't have to tell ya what you looked like when I first got back.." Shikadai scratched the back of his head, earrings dangling.

Himawari waved her hand in dismissal, leading Shikadai and Sarada fully into the kitchen.

"I found out Shikadai and I were both assigned to gate Taishi. It would be a good idea for us to go together." Sarada said.

So they're at Taishi too, huh? Does this mean we're on the same team?

Himawari sighed.

"You guys too? Hijikata is going to Taishi. Iwabe and I are Suihe."

Himawari laughed.

"If it's Taishi against Suihe.. you all better watch out. I won't be holding back." Himawari gave an evil, violent grin.

"I wouldn't want you to. I've always wanted to fight you for real, Hima." Shikadai eyes flashed to Boruto.

"You too, Boruto. We're friends..Like Himawari said though.. There's no holding back."

"Save that friendly bravado for when the Exams actually start. We're already a little late. We should get going." Sarada said brusquely.

Shikadai laughed.

"I'm fine being late. I'm nervous." He admitted with a shrug.

"We all are. Even Hima, though she won't admit it." Boruto nudged his sister, the both of them leaving the kitchen. Sarada was already at the door, Shikadai close behind.

"Bye, Lady Uzumaki. Wish us luck." Sarada waved. Shikadai nodded, bowing again.

"Bye Mom, love you." Himawari gave Hinata a hug, then rushed to meet Shikadai and Sarada outside.

Boruto watched Hima until the door closed behind her.

"I'll keep an eye on Hima, if I can. I kno-"

"Boruto." Hinata's expression changed.

"Wait there. I have something for you."

Boruto stood in the hallway.

Hinata returned with a strange arm brace-

It was black, and tied with white buckles from the forearm to above the wrist.

"Naruto..sent this. He doesn't want you using the Rasengan, and neither do I. If, for whatever reason.. you're forced to use it.. this will help absorb the shock." Hinata said, handing the sleeve over to Boruto.

Boruto took it- anger slowly brimming underneath his curious glance at the sleeve.

"Where is he right now?" Boruto's voice softly rasped.

Hinata.. looked away.

"He's meeting with the Shu Boeigun. He wanted to be here with you both. You know that." Hinata answered.

State Shinobi? They're still here?

Their appearance had caused somewhat of an uproar in the village, despite the fact Boruto hadn't seen either agent yet.

Boruto knew that one of them was Naruto's only genin pupil.. a man named Tangura.

"I understand." Boruto said quietly. He gave a cynical smirk, raising the sleeve slightly above blonde hair.

"I'll accept this as his proxy."

Hinata laughed. Then, she gave Boruto a hug.

"Stay safe, Boruto. For the both of us. And Hima too."

"What is it, Mom? You're shaking." Boruto noticed then Hinata was crying.

Hinata separated from Boruto.

"I.. I haven't wanted to talk about this, Boruto. I still haven't told your Father."

Hinata met Boruto's eyes, a terrified but controlled sternness returning to her voice.

"When you were on the roof.. when you fainted.." Hinata started.

Boruto's mind felt as if it froze.

Ninurta.. Amakushiki.

Cursed eye..

Boruto's skin went cold.

Before Hinata could continue, the sound of their front door slamming open filled the house.

Himawari's voice hissed behind Boruto's ears.

"Come on! We're officially running late." Hima tsk'd, dragging Boruto out the door by his collar.

"Bye again mom-" Himawari said, pushing Boruto out into Konoha.

Boruto felt almost as if he had just been shaken awake.

I can't.. I can't deal with this right now.

Boruto's thoughts were focused on Hinata's words, the fear that was nearly palpable within white, featureless eyes.

The young Uzumaki swallowed harshly, forcing himself again to bury the questions that had no answer.

Boruto shook, sighing.

The group began walking through Konoha. It was getting colder, but a warm breeze still wafted through tall, wooden buildings. Shikadai asked about the sleeve Boruto was carrying-

Boruto explained its purpose, to which Shikadai gave him a wry grin.

"Seems like using it would still be a bad idea though. From what you're saying.. It's a technique that has risks that far outweigh any benefits, at least for now." After this, the youths traveled in comparative silence, each of them ruminating on the trials that lay ahead.

Finally, it was Himawari who broke that somber crypt.

"I guess this is where I leave you guys." Hima said.

Boruto nodded. The gates were at polar opposites of the training grounds, meaning now it would be faster for Hima to go another direction

To reach Suihe.

"Good luck. Don't embarrass me," Boruto raised his fist to Hima.

Hima scoffed.

"I was gonna say the same thing," she said, bumping her fist against Boruto's while forming jutsu signs with her free hand.

Then, Himawari vanished in a wisp of smoke.

"MIZABËSHIKI…" URASHIKI cackled.

"An idiotic name." Urashiki sneered.

Momoshiki sighed- its eyes had been closed- grinning in the caress of Mundane's wind.

Momoshiki found it an exhilarating sensation, one worth pausing and cherishing-

Much to the annoyance of Momoshiki's drole servants.

Momoshiki sat underneath the embrace of two dying trees, themselves within a forest nestled amongst lonely mountains. Momoshiki gleaned from the nighttime stars that Mundane seemed to go through seasons, the environment itself changing to reflect the will of power that would soon..

Be mine.

Momoshiki nodded a pale face forward, white eyes tracing the faraway rivers that cut through a forest of orange and red.

"You've grown rather bold since arriving here, Urashiki." Momoshiki hissed.

Urashiki's laughter ceased.

Momoshiki turned its head sideways towards Urashiki, silver hair falling beside high cheekbones.

"Though I'm sure you're the same as I. The sensations here.. despite your lower creation, it makes you drunk with joy, doesn't it? Even Kinshiki.. bore that one is.."

Momoshiki's attentions turned back to the autumn heavens below them.

"I will allow you this grace, Urashiki. Though do not forget your place."

Momoshiki paused for a moment, closing its eyes.

Then, it laughed.

"Mizabëshiki is a horrid name. It is a name of weakness. One of failure. It is the perfect moniker for a leader of beasts."

Urashiki's footsteps gingerly approached closer.

"Ah.. I see. So there's another Mizabëshiki. A first one." Urashiki intoned coyly.

The Successor's eyes opened.

"Yes. Kaguya's forebear. It's because of Mizabëshiki that Usurper.. Isshiki, stole fate itself." Momoshiki's eyes watered- out of sadness and silent rage.

"Kaguya's forebear? That would make Mizabëshiki your-"

The Successor's eyes widened in instant fury. It spun to a snarling turn, pointing a long nailed finger at Urashiki's bewildered expression.

"You have spoken far too freely, Warad Sin!" Momoshiki bellowed, using Urashiki's true name.

Urashiki instantly fell to the ground- clawing at an invisible fire that ate away at white skin.

"Stop Master! Please!" Urashiki pleaded between gibbering sobs.

Momoshiki stepped over the writhing creature, trees curling away from the alien chakra.

"Mizbëshiki's purpose is to redeem my legacy. To reclaim a name is everything to our kind. As tantamount as the Tree itself. A name..contains creation." Momoshiki said, striding away from Urashiki.

"Wait!" Urashiki screamed desperately.

Momoshiki paused. It turned, giving Urashiki a disgusted, bored glare.

"The burning- I'm begging.. make it stop!" Urashiki cried. Tears were visibly falling down both of its cheeks.

Momoshiki chuckled.

"Perhaps on the morrow, Urashiki."

"No! Please Master! Please! Momoshiki!"

It truly is an animal. Pitiful creature.

The Successor left the mountainwood to Urashiki's sobs.

BORUTO AND THE OTHERS walked upon a dirt road that cut between farmland interposed with random trees. Boruto noticed run down homes amongst them, realizing that they belonged to Konoha's unseen lower middle class-

People who lived outside the relative safety of Konoha's walls and chakra barrier. With that said, these lands were still well regulated, and not prone to bandit attacks like more remote villages within the land of Fire.

As they came closer, the trail led to a large, grassy field. In the far distance, gigantic trees with thick trunks and sprawling branches rose above a steel gate. The forest was almost like a city itself, and seemed to span dozens of kilometers in each direction.

Below the trees however, Boruto saw a group of small figures in the distance. There were dozens of them. As they moved, Boruto saw their headbands shine under the light of the early afternoon sun.

"Well," Shikadai walked ahead of Boruto and Sarada.

"I guess for now, we wait with them." He said with a shrug.

Boruto narrowed his eyes- from this distance, he couldn't tell if Mitsuki was here or not.

"Let's get closer." Boruto said softly.

Sarada nodded in silent agreement.

Shikadai led the way for them, silent buzzing of conversation was now heard.

They approached the outside ring of waiting genin-

Some turned, but none gave them any attention. Boruto recognized some genin from the village- not by name, but mostly by appearance. Others, he had no idea who they were. They bore headbands from the various hidden villages.

"Sarada, Boruto." Shikadai whispered.

He came between them, nodding his head forward.

"That's Shinki." He said, pointing. Boruto followed Shikadai's finger.

Shinki was short, though his thinness made him seem taller than he was. His head was completely shaven- while his skin was lightly tanned by Suna's sun.

He stood slightly away from the other genin, staring into the darkness of the forest beyond.

Shinki wore a simple black tunic, fishnet undermesh stretching past his tunic's shoulder length sleeves. On his chest a strange metal mask of some sort seemed to be tied. It was large, nearly covering his entire torso up to the edge of his exposed clavicles.

"What's he carrying?" Sarada asked in a hushed tone.

"That.. is his jutsu. Iron Sand. The mask.. it melts away, and covers him in Iron Sand from head to toe." Shikadai's voice wavered.

"Don't forget what I said Boruto. His jutsu is a costly one. If you cross him, you'd be better off running."

The easygoing confidence in Shikadai's speech returned.

"If you can't run, you need to do all you can to exhaust him. We know the Chunin exams will be broken into two stages. Shinki might not want to go all out here. I imagine no one will."

Boruto remained silent. Shinki turned his attention from the forest-

Noticing for the first time the three watching him. If he cared, he didn't show it.

"Let's hope we don't cross him." Sarada said.

I haven't seen Mitsuki yet-

Boruto stood on his tiptoes, scanning the genin-

"I'm going to look around for Mitsuki." Boruto announced.

Shikadai sighed.

"Judging by the amount of people here, he's probably at the second gate. I won't stop ya though." Shikadai replied, giving Boruto a smile.

"Don't get lost. Find me if you catch him." Sarada spoke as Boruto nodded to them both, then ventured deeper into the sea of genin on his own.

He analyzed the different groups-

Before his eyes fell upon a fully cloaked genin that was seated in meditation. It wore the dressings of a warrior monk. A Suna headband was tied to its upper arm, while an angelic mask that bore two faces obscured its true visage. It was strange though- the monk seemed to be female due to her body but..

Boruto found himself staring at the monk's chest.

"It's weird, right?" A voice quipped beside Boruto.

Boruto jumped, blushing as he turned to regard a boy somehow shorter than he was.

The boy had long brown hair, and wore a blue mask over his lower mouth. He covered one eye with his headband in the same fashion as Kakashi sensei's.

"What is?" Boruto frowned.

"Her boobs. They look weird. Like, they're not boobs at all." The boy replied thoughtfully.

Boruto sighed.

Leaving this conversation-

Boruto turned on his heels, continuing his search for Mitsuki.

"Wait!" The boy scampered after Boruto.

"I know you. You're Boruto Uzumaki!" The masked boy said excitedly.

Boruto stopped, annoyed that his polite nature urged him to do so.

"My name is Hōki. Hōki Taketori!" Hōki grinned underneath a blue mask.

"Nice to meet you, Hōki." Boruto said flatly.

Might as well take advantage of the situation.

"Hey, have you seen a genin named Mitsuki? He's super pale, has slit pupils like mine, curly white-blue hair.." Boruto scanned the genin around him as he spoke.

Hōki looked away from Boruto in thought.

"No, I don't think so. And I was one of the first ones to arrive here."

Boruto frowned.

Damn it. So he is at Himawari's gate.

"It's fine though, I-" Hōki began just as a loud siren blared from within the forest.

The genin turned their attention to popping plumes of smoke, jonin attendants rising from within them.

At the forefront of them was a woman dressed in a fishnet tunic covered by a black jacket. She stood some meters away from Boruto, bearing a cruel, cynical grin that reminded Boruto of Himawari.

"Welcome, future Shinobi!" The woman's voice was louder than Boruto expected- as she spoke, he realized she was magnifying her voice with chakra.

"I'll make this quick. We're running behind schedule since so many of you were late." The woman said.

Boruto's wristband suddenly beeped.

The once blank panel lit up, though the color of it was entirely black. Other genin looked at their wristbands too-

Beeps surrounded Boruto.

"Let me see yours," Boruto asked Hōki.

Hōki raised his wristband to Boruto's narrowed eyes.

It wasn't a color- it was an image of a swan.

The woman's voice yelled over the sound of murmuring genin.

"On your left wristbands, you will find either a color, or an animal. On your right, you see a denotation of.. eight."

The woman gave the assembled genin a violent smile.

"Your teams for this Exam will be designated by your wristband color or animal. Each genin will have seven days to accrue 70 points. Obtaining the colored wristband will give you five points. The cloth wristband, obviously, will give you eight."

The woman stepped forward.

"However, the color wristband will change states at random. And those with the same color or animal cannot attack each other… after the second day. The cloth wristbands can be taken anytime there's an opportunity to. If you lose both wristbands or you're unable to fight further, you're disqualified."

Hōki and Boruto gave each other knowing looks.

So.. he gets it too.

Boruto narrowed his eyes in thought.

They're encouraging betrayal within teams during this first day. There's no rules, other than getting the wristbands. It will be up to each individual team member if they want to keep their squad, or simply get more points early on.

The woman's instruction continued.

"Once your teams are announced, you are to go to the jonin holding your corresponding flag. They will lead you to the starting area. Once you're there, you'll wait until you hear that same siren- that is when the Exams begin."

"Well, good luck, Boruto!" Hōki offered cheerfully.

Boruto ignored him, focusing instead on the lead proctor.

"First up.. is Black team!" She declared.

"Boruto Uzumaki.. Eu-Mi Lee.. and Akadou Xuezhi!"

Eu-Mi?! That's right! Shikadai said to watch out for her!

Boruto stepped forward, watching for his new team as their jonin waved a black flag.

He saw Eu-Mi first.

She was tall, wearing a cropped striped shirt that exposed her muscled stomach. Her legs were adorned in military slacks that were stuffed into two-toed anbu-style boots.

Around Eu-Mi's neck a bandolier of small scrolls curled, acting like a makeshift scarf. Her hair was black, tightly braided in four long tails that fell from each corner of her head.

She walked past Boruto with a smirk, looking down at him.

Boruto then saw another figure shift through the crowd. He wore standard shinobi attire, a Kusagakure headband tied around his forehead.

The genin carried one visible weapon-

A simple wooden staff that bore no decorations nor inscription.

The Kusagakure genin's head was shaved on one side, while curly blonde locks fell down the other. He had sharply slanted eyes that were almost closed, and as he strode closer, Boruto noticed the boy's pupil's were red.

And this must be Akadou.

Boruto stood between his newly adopted team, none of them offering any conversation.

The flag carrying jonin nodded at each of them.

"Are you ready?" He asked.

Eu-Mi answered instantly.

"Of course."

"Follow me," The jonin ordered.

As they were led into the forest, Boruto heard the proctor's boisterous voice.

"Next.. is team Green! Sarada Uchiha.. Shikadai Nara.. and Usen Yotsuki!"

Boruto gave an annoyed sigh.

Of course Sarada and Shikadai are on the same team. And Usen Yotsuki.. is he from the same clan as Iwabe?

Boruto's thoughts vanished as the gate separating him from the forest was slowly pulled open by their jonin guide.

The darkness of the forest seemed to be in almost violent reprisal of the sun, shadows bold underneath the protection of undying green leaves.

"Your starting point isn't far from here." The jonin said, taking the lead ahead of the trio.

"As you heard, you are to wait there until you hear the starting siren. Remember the rules, and do your best. The future of your villages depends on your success." The jonin said somberly.

Boruto looked up at Eu-Mi, then turned to give Akadou a glance.

I can't really get a read on either of them. What are they going to do once the exam starts? Should I just run away?

Boruto curled his fingers into a tight fist.

The exams were already growing more complicated than he anticipated..

But there was no going back, not now. The only option Boruto had.. was to go forward.

"I WANT TO KILL THEM NOW! NOW!" Tomaniputra squealed. It banged its hands on stony ground, shaking its head as foam flew from a snarling mouth.

Clouds covered the land here, while wayward strikes of lightning seemed to slash at the fog in random intervals, lightning up sections of their surroundings with violent seconds of visibility before the fog once again curled over.

Garuneshka found it interesting that such a powerful force could be quelled by something as benign as fog. There was something else too- despite bearing the Byakugan in one of its hands, Garuneshka couldn't see through the fog.

Surely our quarry doesn't have the ability to circumvent our Lord's power?

Tomaniputra rose to a kneeling position, rocking itself back and forth while sucking on its fingers.

Garuneshka smiled almost lovingly at Tomaniputra.

Garuneshka felt compelled to protect Tomaniputra, even though the being bore an intellectual disability that made it little more than a child.

Though all of us are flawed.. us of the False Three.

Garuneshka gazed into the fog once more, wondering when Mizabëshiki would give them the signal to strike.

KOĪE looked into the fog. Lightning crashed all around-

Though Killer Bee slept peacefully. It was Koīe's duty to protect Bee. Yes, it was the very reason for Koīe's existence, and that of the Tenno Ban'nin.

However, something felt wrong. Koīe looked back at Bee. The man still slept soundly.

With a crash of lighting Koīe rose, exiting their shared tent as Sharingan glowed underneath flowing blonde hair.

Koīe walked forward-

He drew his katana with honed efficiency and speed, deflecting a strike that was aimed for Koīe's neck-

The strength of the blow sent Koīe sliding backwards.

An enemy?! I can't sense them!

Koīe's Sharingan bounced within their sockets until-

A tall, lithe figure marched from the murky clouds.

It wore a strange peacock mask around its mouth, while long black hair bordered pale, featureless eyes.

Byakugan..?

It was dressed simply, wearing an onyx hakama and a purple half cape around slender shoulders.

The figure wielded a strange sword-

The hilt of it was like a katana, but the actual blade was curved, not unlike a crescent moon.

"I was trying to kill you." The figure called.

Its voice was deep-

"Who ar-"

With speed that not even Koīe's Sharingan could trace, the figure erupted beside him. Koīe turned, slashing his katana downwards in a defensive arc.

The figure pounced backwards…

As blood trailed from Koïe's right hand, which now.. was missing three fingers.

Koïe winced, ignoring the pain.

Better not reveal my abilities now. Whatever this thing is.. it's strong.

And the fact that it was able to find us means only one thing..

Chakra welled up within Koïe. Slight reverberations shook the fog.

"If you abandon what you defend, I will let you live." The attacker offered.

Koïe gave a smile, remaining silent.

The attacker nodded.

"Very well."

The figure threw its sword into the air-

the sword twirled midair of its own accord, before rigidly pointing downwards. Koïe stepped forward-

Only for his body to collapse onto the stone below, an invisible force holding Koïe's body in place.

I can't..!

The figure burst into existence above Koïe, sword slashing for Koïe's exposed neck.

The sound of cold steels meeting in lethal embrace met Koïe instead of his death.

"Killer.. Bee!" Koïe stammered.

Killer Bee grunted, two of his swords holding the Figure's death blow only a gasp away.

"Who in the hell.." Killer Bee flourished his swords into a spin. The figure disengaged, landing some meters away.

The pressure upon Koïe's body ceased.

"..is this fool?" Killer Bee asked, swords crossed defensively. Koïe coughed, rising to his feet.

"I have no idea. But he's after you." Koïe answered.

I almost died there. What sort of power is behind this guy's jutsu?

The attacker threw his sword into the air-

"Watch out, Bee! This is how he activates his Ju-"

Koïe coughed- blood sputtering free between clenched teeth as the figure's full weight bore into him- no, it was more than that. It was almost as if..

Is he controlling gravity..?

The figure was drawn backwards, pulling its sword free from Koïe's stomach as it dodged two slashes from Killer Bee.

Koïe steadied himself, breathing haggardly.

Lighting struck behind their mysterious attacker.

"You're the one who needs to watch out. You okay kid?" Killer Bee asked.

Koïe smiled.

"I guess I should've gone all out from the start." Koïe formed a jutsu sign with both hands, dropping his weapon.

"Sorry if you get caught up in this.. Bee." Koie's Sharingan flexed-

Before evolving into an entirely new design.

"Mangekyo.. Sharingan!" Koïe shouted, his voice now louder than the lightning beyond.

The figure laughed softly, lifting his sword as Koïe's chakra shook the very stone they all stood upon-

Stone that soon may become their shared and final battlefield.

NEXT TIME: AN AUDIENCE WITH JIGEN..!

#boruto fanfiction

[venomous--fics]

Anon Requested: Omg wait can i request a fic where reader feels like they aren’t good enough for eddie and venom so reader breaks up with them and eddies sad and just a lot of angst (BUT happy ending) if not thats okay !

A/n: Day 5!! I'm think about just extending the weekathon to the entire month! Not too sure yet, but I should decide quickly huh!! I just think it'd be fun to do something like that. Maybe get more and more festive along the way. What do you think?

Song: Halley's Comet by Billie Eilish

"So, that's just it? You're just gonna up and leave and not tell us why?"

He wanted to sound mad, but his voice gave it all away. You couldn't stand the thought of what you were doing to them both. You couldn't even bring yourself to look at them as you left. You didn't even bother to grab your things. You just left emptyhanded.

Subconsciously, maybe you knew you'd find your way back eventually. But...Not now.

The weight of the world began to crush you with every step you took away from their place. You knew they were watching you from the window. If you had to leave, they'd at least make sure you'd stay safe.

It all felt like a cruel punchline to an unfunny joke. How could you be such a fool to think you'd be good for them? They....They were a protector. A lethal one, but still a protector. They helped people and saved the world from every threat imaginable. You sometimes couldn't even drag yourself out of bed.

It didn't seem fair to drag them down like that. They deserved better. They deserved the world, and you just couldn't give them that. Someday they'd find someone who would.

That night was spent alone on a friend's spare guest bed. The world was so quiet. There were no streetlights beaming into your room. There was no more sounds of late night traffic or the people talking and walking as they passed under your shared window.

There was no more fighting Venom for the comforter because he'd purposely hog it just to get your attention. It always worked. There wasn't the usually jokes about forgetting to set your alarms for the work morning ahead.

You simply set your alarm and laid down. The world seemed so much colder and emptier. It didn't seem fun and bright anymore. The bed felt much more spacious now.. The pillows felt too squishy and new. The sheets looked nothing like his.

Staring at the wall wasn't going to put you to sleep any faster, so you rolled over and clamped your eyes shut. You willed yourself to not cry.

The tv kept repeating the same old stuff. Robbery after robbery. Someone got shot. A car accident. Oh, it's going to rain tomorrow.

We should be fixing that..

"I don't feel like doing anything anymore."

"I don't feel like doing anything anymore either, V."

There was an uncomfortable silence. Normally there'd be some form of a pep talk from you, but now.. Your spot on the couch was empty. All that was there to suggest that you even existed was your favorite throw pillow.

With hesitation, Eddie grabbed the pillow and held it in his lap. It still looked brand new, and that's simply because you always knew how to take care of things. Nothing of yours ever really got broken or misplaced..And you always knew just how to handle things.

"I miss them."

A thought they shared in common. It's felt like months, but it's only been a couple of weeks. Your things were still occupying space here. It was almost torturous having to look at them each day and know that you weren't going to come home.

It was that thought that broke them both. They curled up on the couch, sad and defeated. The world was incomplete because you weren't here to make ti better. A rough day at work? You'd say, "Oh, don't worry." as you made some hot coco to relax with. Emotions getting out of control? You were always there with ways to fix them.

Did they take you for granted? Did they forget to cherish you? Did they do something wrong? Everyone always told them that they were just screwups who ruined everything, so maybe they just fucked it up again.

Maybe they'd learn to live with it. Just not today.

It's just not home anymore. Home is where you were.

The rain was awfully heavy today. But you were thankful. Today was hitting you harder than the last few. You were stumbling down the sidewalk, tears streaming down your face. Nothing seemed to hold any meaning anymore. You'd pass by Mrs. Chen's shop, and normally you'd stop by there to get Eddie and V a snack or two. But now, you simply keep walking.

Today you just let your body walk. To where? Wherever you felt like you needed to go. You were so tired, and so worn down. That only help cement in the fact that you just... You were an absolute nobody. Who could love a nobody?

If only you were born gifted with the brains, the talents or even the powers. Maybe you'd be worth something. Maybe you'd see yourself as more. Maybe if you felt like you held any importance to anyone, you'd find a reason to stick around anywhere, with anyone.

Despite wanted to be more to literally anyone, all you could think is being better for them. They meant so much, no, no, they mean so much to you. It felt so dumb and childish to be so hung up on two of the goofiest creatures on this planet. You couldn't lie to anyone. You were hopelessly in love with Eddie Brock, a man who truly was a breed of his own. And you were in love with Venom, an alien with a heart bigger than his stomach but he's too embarrassed to say it.

You don't want to love them anymore. Because you still believe it was better to not be with them.

You slumped against a light post and wiped your eyes. You tried everything to stop the tears from flowing, but that only made them multiply. You'd scold yourself if you had the energy.

The world really did begin to feel more and more empty. People seemed to walk pass and not even give you a second glance. None of them cared, and to be honest, neither did you. Normally you never noticed other people, because you'd be so wrapped up in whatever it was you and Eddie, and yes, Venom too, were doing.

But they aren't here anymore. You were back to where you started. Alone and afraid of what the world had in store. You used to wake up knowing what you'd be doing...But now you weren't sure.

You remained leaned against the streetlight for an eternity. The sun had set and the moon had risen, yet you remained put. Everything was cold now. The rain had subsided, but the light continued to drip down on you, but even then, you didn't have the willpower to move.

It's better to be cold than to have never been warm, right? That is how the saying goes...Right?

You sniffled, waiting for the next set of drops to hit your head, but they never did. You slowly looked up and saw someone's hands holding up a jacket. They looked like they were doing their best to hold it up like an umbrella, and without touching you. You recognized the jacket immediately, even just from seeing the inside of it. You'd worn it so many times.

You stood up straight and turned around, being greeted with the sight of Eddie. He looked just as tired as you, and just as lost. He looked like he had a million things to say, but it seems like the cat had his tongue.

The universe was giving you a chance. For some reason.

"I'm sorry." was the first thing to spill out of your mouth.

"We're sorry, too."

"You didn- It was me. I was.." You took a step back from under the jacket, but it seems like Venom wasn't having any of that. He moved Eddie's body for him, this time, draping the jacket on your shoulders.

You gently crossed your arms and held them close, appreciating the gesture now.

"You can leave now. If you want." Eddie moved back a little, "We just saw that you were cold.."

"I don't want to go." you gripped onto the jacket, trying to fight the new wave of tears threatening to come out, "I just.. I had to because I felt like I wasn't good enough."

You were about to ramble on when Eddie cut you off, "That's why you left?"

"I'm sorry." You felt like you could just curl up and die on the sidewalk.

You looked down, staring at the cracks that littered the walkway. You'd find someway to make this poetic.

Two hands, one human and the other very much not, wrapped themselves around you as they pulled you into a warm embrace.

"Did we make you feel that way?"

The way Eddie's voice cracked made your arms go limp at your sides.

"No. I made myself feel that way- But I can't help it. You guys do so much good and I-"

"We love you."

The hug got tighter, "We used to do what we did because it was the right thing to do. But then we met you and it all changed. It seems so cliche to say that, but...It's true."

"You're just saying that."

"We adore you. We promised to do everything we can to make sure we leave this world a better place for you."

Your hands shook as your fought with yourself. You wanted to hold them just as close as they were holding you, but you felt-

"I don't deserve this.."

Unworthy.

In typical Brock fashion, and never knowing how to truly deal with his emotions, Eddie clung to you, almost pleading, "Would you just listen to what we're saying."

"You can't love me."

"Why the hell not? Huh? Whose going to stop us?"

"Nobody's going to stop us."

"Why is it me. Out of all the worthy people, why me?"

"You're such a good person. I know you don't see that..But you're the kindest person I've ever met."

"Certainly the nicest I've met..."

Every last word you wanted to yell out into the night sky just vanished from your mind. You wrapped your arms around Eddie and squeezed as hard as you could.

"How many times do we have to say it to make you believe it?"

"I'll say it a billion times," Eddie said, "Most guys would quit at a million but me? I don't know when to quit."

"It's true. He doesn't. But if saying it a billion times gets you to come home, then I'd do it a million more than him."

"I," You started, taking in a deep shaky breath, "I wanna go home regardless."

"We can talk more there if you're comfortable."

"With coco."

"I would like that."

The walk home was a talkative one.

Eddie's hand held yours tightly, but not too tight. He was so afraid that if he didn't hold it firmly enough, you'd simply slip away again. He was sure as hell not letting that happen again.

The apartment looked the exact same as when you left. You were so surprised by that. Normally they'd be a mess if you were gone for too long, and the apartment would reflect that.

"It all looks the same."

"Oh. Yeah." Eddie busied himself with fetching the hot chocolate ingredients.

"We couldn't bring ourselves to ruin your hard work...Or move your things." For the first time, Venom seemed sad.

They both seemed tired. You wanted to feel bad, knowing that they felt that way because of you. But knowing that they loved you meant that they felt bad, not because of you, but because you were gone.

Without thinking, your hand reached out and grabbed Eddie's arm, startling him a little.

"Can we go lay down for a little bit.." you asked quietly, "I think we all need a little rest."

Relief washed over him as he set down the cups and lead the way to the bedroom. There was no more words as you three crashed onto the mattress. Venom used a small tendril to turn the lamp off and pull you closer to Eddie.

"Are you okay with loving a nobody like me?" you asked as you watched him shut his eyes.

"Are you okay with loving two nobodies?"

"We are all losers."

Venom pulled a blanket over you and Eddie, going so far as to fluff the pillows under your heads.

"And that's okay. I love us the way we all are."

You yawned for the first time in ages as your eyes closed, "I love us too."

There was that familiar light coming through the window. And there was the sounds of the cars and the people. The world felt just right and you were home. You moved closer to Eddie and placed a quick, soft kiss on his lips, and his arms were quick to wrap around you.

You felt a soft tendril wrap around your arm.

"I know what you're feeling and what you're thinking." His voice sounded surprisingly quiet, "But you are more than enough for us. We don't say it, but sometimes we feel the same way. You could certainly do better than us. But.."

The tendril tighten a little, but not enough to really do much.

"You left and we realized...We don't know what to do without you. We didn't feel like doing anything anymore. It felt pointless."

You turned your head to look at your arm, seeing two small white eyes staring at you with a mixture of sadness and adoration.

"I know I'm not good with these human emotions..I might never be good with them, but..I know that I love you. And Eddie loves you too. We always try our best to show you..But you are truly all we need to be happy in this life."

You were a bit shocked with how much Venom had to say. Most of the time, he tried to use the least amount of words possible to get his point across, so you knew that he meant it.

"You both complete me, and for once, I finally have the courage to say it, because I don't know when I'll get the chance to say it again."

You smiled softly at him, and moved your arm in a way where you could place a soft kiss onto the top of his tiny little worm head.

"I won't leave again. I promise we can talk about it first."

"Talking is good."

"I love you, V."

"I love you too." He seemed to pause as he shot a glance up to Eddie, just to make sure he was still asleep, "More than that guy."

"Not possible." Eddie groaned, adjusting a little.

You smiled a little as you curled up under the blanket and actually shut your eyes for good for the night. Finally, a good night's rest. You still had doubts, maybe not many and none as big and frightening as before, but that was normal.

Not everything in life is a given or a certainty. You're not promised to tomorrow and it's not a give that you'll be a millionaire. But where you are now is where you're supposed to be. Don't doubt it. The two halves of your heart will quite literally walk to the ends of the universe just to see you smile, and that's more than enough for you.

#venom imagine #eddie brock imagine #eddie brock x reader #venom x reader #marvel imagine #marvel x reader

[winter-soldier-vibes]

Burnout (Bucky x reader)

“Burnout”

Bucky x reader

Warnings: burnout, overworked, mental breakdown/panic attack

Word count: 3377

A/N: Take care of yourself, burnout is real and you CAN get sick. Trust me. I’m always here if you wanna talk to someone about anything or want another friend. Stay strong <3

Includes: Lyrics from the song “Weight of the World” by Citizen Soldier

Tags: @buckys2thicc @thatfangirl42 @thundering-barnes @abitgryffindorky @ladyfallonavenger

---------

These nights were becoming more common. And that wasn’t a good thing.

You sat at your desk surrounded by papers, empty cans of energy drinks, and a bright laptop screen. You held your head in your hands and you tried to keep your eyes awake, turning the screen brightness higher. 

1:46 AM

You sighed and rubbed your eyes, trying to rub the sleep out of them. You took your hands away and looked back at the screen briefly before covering your face again. 

You lived with the Avengers and were a huge asset to the team. Not only were you enhanced with powers, but you were incredibly intelligent. That being the case, you worked with Tony and Bruce in the lab either developing new ideas or fixing suits after missions. As well as being on the mission yourself. Therefore you trained early every morning with Steve and Bucky. You also did most of the mission reports, switching off with Steve once and a while.

Most nights you could be found either working through paperwork, down in the lab working into the morning with Tony, or researching for new projects in said lab. You never meant to stay up as late as you did, but no matter how hard you worked, more work kept appearing. Every 10 PM soon turned into 2 AM, and you could never quite catch a break. You had turned to caffeine not long ago, quickly using it as a crutch to supplement sleep. 

You had just gotten back from a long mission with the team, and were incredibly sore. Steve hadn’t gone on this mission, leaving you to finish the report. Add to that, Tony wanted to make a better suit for Peter, and Sam’s wings were busted. Tony was working on Peter’s suit, wanting to make it perfect, leaving you with fixing the wings for Sam. 

You decided to work on Sam’s Falcon suit first, seeing that you lived on Planet Earth and he could be scheduled for another mission at any time. What seemed to be superficial damage turned out to be extensive, and required much more repairing that you had anticipated. What you had planned to be a 2 hour process had turned into just over a day of work in the lab. 

Not wanting to lose your place and needing a distraction from the soreness, you had worked for hours straight, only breaking to relieve yourself every so often. You were exhausted and ready to fall asleep when you laid back in your bed. Only to check your notifications and see an email from Fury requesting the mission report immediately.

Sent hours ago.

Which led you to where you were now. You hadn’t slept in almost 48 hours, sore from the mission, with a tedious mission report to fill out. Taking a deep breath, you removed your hands from your face.

 2:07 AM.

You groaned, but brought your hands back to the keyboard and began typing. The words were blurring together and you shook your head a few times trying to stay awake. Somehow, you finished the report and sent it off and looked at the time again.

3:13 AM

You rubbed your temples before climbing back into your bed, sighing out as your eyes filled with tears. It wasn’t uncommon for you to go to bed this late/early. Lately Tony had been coming up with more ideas and would ask you to help. Since Tony works through most of the night, you had learned to do the same. You don’t remember the last time you had more than 3 or 4 hours of sleep. 

You were off the hook for training for a few days, due to having just gotten back from a mission. And while you had been hesitant at first, you were grateful now that you had a bit more time to sleep. Despite the caffeine you had consumed to stay awake, you were absolutely exhausted. Tears threatened to fall from your eyes but you tried to breathe through it. You just wanted a break but couldn’t seem to catch one. 

You curled into yourself as your stomach began to growl. ‘When was the last time I ate?’ you thought. Not that it mattered, there was nothing that could bring you out of your bed at that moment. You drifted off to sleep.

-----

You woke up to your phone chiming and groaned, picking it up to see what was so important. Your eyes find the top message, informing you that the mission report you had submitted was incomplete. You jolted out of bed and over to your desk to begin working on the report again, biting back tears of embarrassment at such a ridiculous error on your part. How could you have been so tired that you missed an entire section of a report?

You cracked open another energy drink that you kept in your room and began guzzling it. You were still in the same clothes as the day before and you hadn’t taken your hair down from it’s bun in days. Your stomach grumbled but you answered it with more of the energy drink. You would deal with hunger later. This was much more important. 

Your head was pounding and you could barely sit up straight. You had barely gotten a few hours of sleep and somehow felt more tired than you had before it. Your sight became more blurry as it became harder to suppress the tears. You were angry at yourself, why couldn’t you just get this one fucking thing done?

You worked through the section quickly, or at least, you tried to. You kept having to reread sections, not comprehending what the words were saying anymore. You rubbed your eyes aggressively and shook your head, trying to concentrate. You reached to grab the energy drink again, but instead accidentally spilled it all over yourself. Letting out a “Fuck!” as you stood up, something inside you snapped. 

You threw the can across the room, not caring how much was left inside of it. You flipped your chair and crumbled the miscellaneous papers on your desk. You let out a scream of frustration, and threw a picture frame across the room. After which, you bent over and placed your hands on your knees, small sobs beginning to wrack your body. You were just so tired, you had work to do, but you couldn’t do it no matter how simple it was. 

You walked around the mess and into your bathroom, closing the door. You turned on the shower and got in, not even bothering to take off your clothes or wait for it to warm up. You didn’t care. You couldn’t. You sank to the floor, tears streaming down your face as the shower began to warm. You couldn’t bring yourself together, every time you tried to calm down a new wave of frustration and exhaustion would hit you and you would start crying all over again. You held your hand to your chest, trying to catch your breath a little, not having much success. You were gasping for air, it felt like you were breathing fire. Unable to fight it anymore, you started choking out lyrics to one of your go-to sad songs.

Feel the weight of the world over me tonight.

If I break, if I break down this time

You took a shaky breath and choked out the next line

Hope you know I tried…

Meanwhile, Bucky had been thinking about you. The two of you were very close, you had been ever since Steve had introduced you to him. He was in awe of how you could both rival Tony in the lab and himself in the training room. That and how much you did for others. You had helped him a lot when Bucky had first come to the compound. And he was very grateful.

He knew you had gotten back from a mission a few days ago, and were probably exhausted. From what he had heard it had been a brutal mission. However, in the past, you had usually gotten back into the routine of daily life pretty quickly. He hasn’t so much as seen you since you got back. 

He couldn’t help but worry.

He decided to go to your room to check on you, seeing as it was later in the morning and you had had a chance to sleep. Little did he know, you hadn’t. When he got to your door he knocked and waited for a response. He was met with nothing. However, with his enhanced hearing, he heard muffled singing from inside. He couldn’t hear the words, but you sounded in pain. 

My mind’s such a mess, I can’t handle it, I’m at the end of my rope.

Worried, he let himself in and took in the state of the room. It was completely trashed, shattered glass, overturned furniture, crumbled papers. He heard the shower running and could hear your cries through the lyrics

My neck is breaking body shaking

Sometimes it’s so hard to breathe

But no one sees it follows me i always end up underneath

The weight of the world…

You began coughing, still gasping for air and holding your chest. Bucky came over to the bathroom door and opened it, concerned you were in pain. You were sitting on the floor, drenched and shaking. Steam filled the room, fogging up the mirrors. He came over to you, trying to get your attention but you couldn’t hear him. Worried, he stepped into the shower as well, swearing as it burned his skin. He crouched down in front of you and took your face in his hands, trying to guide your face to his.

“Y/n, y/n can you hear me? Can you look at me?” he said. 

Coming back to your senses slightly, you tried to figure out who was in front of you. You grabbed one of his forearms and focused your eyes, still struggling to breathe. You found Bucky’s blue eyes looking back at you.

Bucky, knowing you were now aware of his presence, reached to turn off the water while still maintaining eye contact. You were coughing, choking on each breath, still shaking and crying. Bucky had never seen you like this. You tried looking around again, forgetting briefly where you were and what had happened, breath picking up again in confusion.  “Hey, hey, y/n? I need you to keep your eyes on me okay?”

“It...hurts..” you gasped out, feeling like fire filled your lungs. Your arms had gone numb and in the absence of the warm water your wet body was now shivering from both the cold and anxiety. 

Bucky quickly looked you up and down. “What hurts, y/n?” he said calmly but firmly even though he was freaking out internally.

Fresh tears spilled out of your eyes. You tried to talk but couldn’t speak through your panic. You rubbed your chest, willing your heart to slow down but it wouldn’t. 

Bucky, still keeping his eyes locked on yours, said “Listen, y/n, I need you to try and breathe with me slowly, okay? Like this,” he breathed in deeply and let it out slowly. You tried to copy him and after a few breaths lost your pace. You shook your head. “I can’t…. I...I…”

. “It’s okay, you’re okay, you’re safe y/n. Try again, I’m right here okay? Look at me.” he said, still breathing deeply. Eventually, you were able to find a rhythm and catch your breath, becoming aware of the situation and everything that had happened. Now able to breathe, you felt new tears of shame rush to your eyes. There were a few moments of silence

“What happened?” Bucky asked, concern etched on his face. 

You let out a small sob and covered your face, and Bucky’s heart shattered. He had never seen anyone this upset, nevermind you. You had always been so strong, energetic, joyful. And here you were, soaking wet and shaking on the shower floor. What the hell had happened to you? 

He stood up and got out of the shower, also soaked, but he didn’t care about that right now. He leaned down and put one arm behind your back and the other looped under your knees and he picked you up. He placed you down on the vanity and stood in front of you. He carefully took your wrists and pulled them away from your face, you looking at him through bloodshot eyes. 

“You - you’re soaked,” you said, both out of shock and in an attempt to deflect the attention from you.

“Wh- I mean, yeah, so are you,” Bucky said. “Y/n, can you tell me what happened?”

You looked down at your hands and swallowed thickly, embarrassed. “I, uh…” you cleared your throat. What had happened? You closed your eyes and rubbed your head. 

The shower

The song

Your room

The report

The energy drink

Oh fuck

You sighed out “Shit, I just…” again, shame began to overtake you. “It’s stupid, forget about it,” you said, trying to stand up. 

Bucky stopped you, confused. “Y/n, whatever just happened, that…  That’s not caused by something stupid. I’ve never seen you so upset before. Hell I’ve never seen anyone so upset before. But I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.”

“Really, Buck, I’m fine,” you said.

“Then why are you trying not to cry?”

You sighed. There was no other way out of this. You looked at him and said, “I was just done.” You looked back down at your hands, and continued trying to keep the waiver out of your voice. “I just, um...After the mission I had to fix Sam’s wings, and it took me longer than I expected. And then I still had the mission report which took me all of last night and then I found out that I had missed an entire section. And I got mad that I couldn’t focus or stay awake and I just kind of...broke.”

As you looked back at him, face not as red, he could see how tired you seemed. “Are you sleeping?”

“I mean, a little bit it’s not like I’ve been awake this whole time but -”

“Y/n.”

You looked at him. “A couple of hours a night at most,” you said quietly. 

Bucky nodded sadly. “Anything else?”

You opened and closed your mouth a few times. “I mean it’s not a big deal -”

“What I just saw was a big deal,” Bucky said gently.

“I haven’t really made time to eat either,” you tried to laugh it off a little. “Just kind of chugged energy drinks. But then I spilled it all over myself, so...bad idea I guess.”

Bucky wasn’t laughing. But he wasn’t angry either. He was, but not at you, never at you.

“I’m sorry,” you said. 

“Why didn’t you say anything? The days off after missions are there for rest.”

You shrugged. “I had important shit to do.” 

“Well you’re pretty important shit too,” he said a little more firmly, but still not angrily. He sighed. “But really, if you’re not okay then nothing gets done. You’re going to get sick if you keep doing this to yourself. When was the last time you had more than a few hours of sleep?”

“I don’t know,” you answered honestly. 

He sighed once again. “I’m sorry,” you said, fearful that he was angry with you.

“No, it’s not your fault I just…” he looked away for a second before looking back at you. “I don’t like seeing you like this. I don’t want you pushing yourself so hard and getting hurt.”

You sighed sadly and rubbed your eyes. “Every day I tell myself it’s the last day I’ll stay up so late. I always tell myself I’ll eat after my project is done. But no matter how hard I work there’s just more and more work that needs to get done. And I can’t keep up. I feel like I’m drowning. But no matter how much I hate it I...I always come last,” you said. 

“You shouldn’t have to,” Bucky said.

After a few moments of silence, Bucky pulled you in for a hug, you still sitting on the counter. You closed your eyes against his chest and sighed out, feeling good finally getting all of that off of your chest. 

“You’re taking the next few days off.” he said. 

You pulled back and looked at him. “But the report -”

“Is mostly done and Steve can get the rest of the information from Sam.” Bucky finished for you.

“But -”

“Nope. There is not a single thing you could say right now that is going to prevent me from making sure you take care of yourself for a few days.” he said, and you knew he was right. Nodding, he pulled you back in for a hug. 

“We should get out of these clothes.” you said softly, shivering a little. 

Bucky laughed a little. “Yeah, we really should.” 

You moved to stand up from the counter, still a little weak as you leaned on Bucky a little. You walked slowly out to your room and were met with the mess you created earlier. “Shit,” you said, taking in the broken glass and furniture.

Bucky turned you around and said “Do you want to come to my room? We can deal with this some other time.”

You simply nodded, stepping around the broken shards of glass and to the hallway. Bucky’s room wasn’t far from yours, and luckily no one was in the hallways to comment on how both of you were in wet clothes. Once in his room, he closed the door after you and went to his dresser. He pulled out a pair of sweats and one of his T-shirts and handed them to you. “They might be a little big but -”

“Thank you,” you said, taking the clothes and heading to his bathroom. You closed the door and peeled your current outfit off of you. You found a spare towel and dried off the rest of you, and pulled on Bucky’s clothes. They were huge on you, but you didn’t mind. You took your hair down and redid your bun before splashing some cold water on your face. Deeming you looked more presentable, you came back out and saw that Bucky had also changed. Smiling warmly, he pointed to the bed. 

“So you are going to lie down, and I am going to go make you some food. I’ll be right back.”

You started shaking your head. “No, it’s okay, you don’t have -”

He raised his eyebrows, still pointing to the bed. Swallowing a laugh, you nodded and sat down on the bed. Bucky then left the room and returned a few minutes later with a sandwich. After you had eaten it, you laid back in the bed, melting into the softness of the mattress. You faced away from Bucky, who was sitting next to you on his phone. He was (slowly)  texting Steve to finish your report, which took very little convincing. 

After a few minutes, you asked “Can you lay down with me?”

Bucky smiled a little to himself. “Sure, doll,” he said, and he moved to lie down next to you. Unsure of what exactly you wanted, he gave you space. Not soon after, you turned over and scooted closer to his side. After a moment of shock from Bucky, you asked “Is this okay?” Readjusting a little, he wrapped his arm around you and pulled you closer. “Yeah, is this okay?” he asked in return.  You merely hummed in approval, already feeling safer in his warm embrace. He let out a small laugh. “Try to get some rest, y/n. I’ll be here whenever you wake up.”

It was the most peaceful sleep you had ever had.

#burnout #burn out #Bucky Barnes #buckybarnes #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky imagine #bucky #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barns fanfiction #bucky barns imagine #bucky barns x y/n #bucky barns x you #bucky barnes imagine #MCU #mcu imagine #mcu fanfiction #marvel #marvel fanfiction #marvel fanfic #comfort #bucky barnes comfort #stressed #song lyrics #lyrics inspired

[sukirichi]

earned it [07]

Gojo Satoru is a firm believer that if you work hard for it then you shall earn it. But on the other side, he’s not unfamiliar with his own sins. He also believes that there is punishment due for his sins as he’s earned it.

cw. explicit smut, pool sex, slight angst, i miss naoya :(, mafia business, mentions of blood, lots of drama, mentions of death and murder

note. IDEK ANYMORE. lmao anyways do you guys want faster updates or do you guys want to wait? i can finish the series next week and then we can move on to white lies 😈

series masterlist

The three of you were seated back at your tables, where the whole dancing fiasco had thankfully ended. Satoru noticed nothing of your behavior – either he was really clueless, or you were a damn good actor – the guy was much too invested with the files Nanami was currently showing.

For a moment, you let yourself loosen as you took a deep breath. The account was much more important than whatever Nanami was scheming.

“I think I may have found where the real money is, or treasure, we should say, since none of us can really figure out what the Zen’ins might be hiding. And from the looks of it, considering Naoya had no idea about what his family kept prior to his death, this is something only his elders wanted to know about,” Nanami pinched the bridge of his nose, sliding a photo of an unsuspecting white manor that you hadn’t seen in a long time. “And it’s been right under our nose the whole time.”

“That’s one of our islands,” you replied with a furrowed brow, “Are you saying you traced the source back there? But that’s impossible, we haven’t used that island for years and even Naoya told me he was going to sell it because it was of no use to us. It’s not on commercial waters and there’s no local people around either. That island is in the middle of nowhere.”

“This is exactly why it’s the best place to hide things – because no one would ever suspect this seemingly harmless middle of nowhere could contain their assets.”

Satoru, who’d kept silent the whole time, inched closer to you. His cologne wafting off to you eased you for a moment – purely because it was familiar – and even though you despised saying it, you were thankful he was here. Currently, the blond man posed a bigger threat, the difference being that Nanami actually had leverage against you while you had more control over Satoru.

You sighed. If Naoya was here, things would’ve been so much better. He never lost his composure in figuring things out on his own. But now that he was gone, now that he’d never be coming back, you had be responsible for his sake, but mostly for yours.

“Take a look at this. The nearest land is a small, uncharted city from Brazil’s outskirts. I’ve been illegally transporting weaponry and firearms somewhere near there since our family started the business – it’s the easiest place to sneak in things without getting caught. All you need to do is pay a few fishermen and they’ll easily transport our load from one place to another, no questions asked,” Satoru announced, seemingly deep in thought as he rubbed his chin. “It would make sense if the Zen’in clan elders found this place useful too. It’s basically a hot site for criminals.”

“But we don’t operate this way. The Zen’in elders are too prideful to handle transactions like this. They would’ve chosen a more…discreet yet formal way of handling things.”

“How does an underwater passage sound?” Nanami pushed the other photo aside to reveal a blurry snap of what seemed like a tunnel under the sea. On the surface, it looked just like an abandoned rig, but it stretched too long, the exterior already covered in mold and seaweed. “About 80 years ago, the Zen’in Clan leader at that time was often heavily targeted by their enemies in business that they preferred to travel under the sea. If my theory is correct, right under that island would be another base of some sort that allows the clan leaders move from one country to another while remaining undetected.”

“So that’s how they easily sent their own shit overseas…”

“It would be a very sound conclusion to assume so,” Nanami crossed his arms at Satoru’s musings, “However, that’s all I know. All I can tell you is where I last got the signal for the source – which is about seven years ago, and a few months right after Toji Zen’in was disowned by his family when Naobito took over. It would also be near around the time he met his wife and had his child, which would increase the possibilities that he may have stored something in this island for his son’s future. Again, it could be money, gold – we don’t really know,” he nodded your way, a sense of finality behind those blue eyes that had now looked so menacing when once it brought you comfort – reassurance. “How you get there is all up to you.”

Something didn’t feel right.

“If the elders really wanted to hide this place, they wouldn’t have passed the rights of the island into my inheritance when Naoya died. They surely wouldn’t have wanted me to find out about this.”

“I could think of two things,” Satoru proposed, “It’s either they trust your potential enough as the clan leader to replace Naoya, or they didn’t think you’d care anyway.”

You let his words sink in. The clan elders have never bothered much with you. They were too prideful about “saving face” and “keeping up images” that they couldn’t even let a word of insult slip past their lips under the belief they were above that. But you weren’t stupid; they had never approved of your marriage to Naoya. An outsider like you, suddenly becoming a part of their family when they could’ve had your husband marry a family friend?

They may have kept silent about their dislike to you, but one way or another, they were going to take action for it.

Knowing the Zen’ins, being a Zen’in, you knew there was one thing they hated the most: not being in control.

“Neither,” you finally concluded while mumbling down at your lap. The theory was hazy, incomplete, based only on mere emotions but slowly, you were coming together to piece it. You felt Satoru turn your way, his large hand caressing your knee as if coaxing the words out of you. “It’s neither. Naoya’s elders…they never liked me. It’s been made pretty clear to me that I’m dispensable without my husband, and I will never be a Zen’in in their eyes. I wouldn’t be surprised if they asked me to give up all my inheritance from Naoya because I’m not related to them by blood.”

The silence in the table stretched.

No matter how grandiose the hotel restaurant may be, you felt suffocated in that seat. How didn’t you realize it sooner? You were in a land that stretched past your territory, with both men accompanying you people you couldn’t wholeheartedly trust, while your husband rotted away back at home – probably covered in dust and not even given a proper burial like he deserved.

There was only one way out of this, to put an end to everything. It would prove to be a daunting task, but you didn’t have a choice. No, in fact, this was your only choice if you wanted to survive.

Satoru’s voice softened upon seeing the grimness of how you turned mum. “I’ll follow you wherever you go. I promise to help you in finding out whatever is in there,” he met your eyes; yours filled with contempt, with fear, with desperation, and his filled with regret. “It’s the least I could do…after everything I’ve done to you.”

You took a deep breath.

You couldn’t lie to yourself. There was no way you could trust him with his empty promises. He’d shown enough times that he wasn’t a man of his word, and you’d be a fool to fall for it again. However, Nanami’s glance was curious and suspecting, hiding his true colors with an innocent gesture of sipping his wine. He may seem unbothered and only here to ‘help’, but this man was cunning, possibly more so than Naoya could ever be, and one wrong move would be similar to stepping on a land mine.

Satoru received no response from you, and soon the three of you were standing outside the hotel’s lobby to escort Nanami back where he came from. The dinner was tense, so much so that you’d unknowingly been clutching Satoru’s bicep the whole time.

He tapped your shoulder, bringing you back to life as he gestured to his phone. “Sorry, it’s Geto.”

“Oh,” you muttered and stepped away from him, feeling your heart sink in your chest as you watched him retreat behind the glass doors. Beside you, Nanami snickered.

“Made up your mind, agent?” he taunted, “This is your final chance to prove yourself. Gather enough intel for us to intrude whatever that mighty clan is hiding underneath that island, surrender Gojo to us, and we’ll give you everything as promised.”

You faced him with fiery eyes, prepared for whatever he’d throw your way when he showed you that cursed red coin again. Realizing its power, the true meaning it held, you immediately shut your lips. It must’ve satisfied to know he was the one in charge here, and how could he not be when your life was literally at the palm of his hands, your days growing more numbered if you didn’t follow everything he asked for?

If you had just…if you had just done everything the Organization had asked you for, you wouldn’t have been here. You wouldn’t have felt this torn.

Nanami flipped the coin before tucking it into his pocket, sending one last salute your way. He hailed a cab and disappeared afterwards, leaving you alone to ponder over the consequences of your actions, your emotions. For the first time in his life, Naoya had lied to you.

He wasn’t correct when he said you were strong.

Because after all this time, you still held onto something that you should’ve let go of a long time ago, and you had nothing but your weak, sensitive, hopeless heart to blame for. Said hurdle appeared not long afterwards, his touch warm on your shoulder as he gazed at the empty spot beside you.

“Oh, Nanami left,” he noted, turning your shoulders to him until you were completely exposed. There was no more hiding from him, or more like you didn’t have enough energy to. You felt dull, tiredness lining your eyes and lips pressed into a flat line. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I am.”

Ten days. That was how much you’ve wasted your time here in Milan, and you weren’t even remotely close to figuring things out. Your resources were much more limited the farther you were from the Zen’in Estate, and your lawyer was a family one, meaning they held more loyalty to the actual Zen’ins instead of law-affiliated people like you were.

Simply put, you were all alone to solve this by yourself.

Satoru promised to help, but he kept disappearing in the morning along with Geto. You never asked where they went or what they did; it simply didn’t matter anymore.

You would only spend hours locked in your room as you researched everything you could on your private island near Brazil. Just like Satoru said, it seemed like the perfect place to hide things for the spot seemed remote enough to offer privacy for the family’s getaway. You could somewhat recall Naoya proposing once to take you there for your honeymoon, but business got in the way, and it wasn’t like you truly trusted him then to spend such an intimate with him that you said no.

Sighing, you put all the papers away. Not even a single clue led you to what could be possibly be there, but there was an underwater passage. The fact the Zen’ins was capable of building that made you wonder just what the extent of their powers and influence stretched to, and you contemplated for a bit if you could hold that same ability now that you had his name.

Whatever was there, you would look for it.

Your mission was clear – the success of it would determine the fate of your life. Find out what they’re hiding, surrender Satoru Gojo to the Organization, and then everything would be over.

It sounded simple, yet your heart knew it wasn’t. Naoya died with the confidence of his trust over you, the trust you worked so hard to earn. But wasn’t that point? You needed him to trust you for you to be able to pull this mission off, but things happened, emotions and conscience got in the way, and you banged your knuckles on the table until your ring throbbed on your finger.

You just wanted it all to end. You never meant to hurt Naoya, never meant to betray anyone, but it fucking pissed you off that Naoya wasn’t the real problem. He wasn’t the one holding you back.

With not much thought to your next actions, you slipped past the guards and into the pool that had long been closed since 10PM. Being at your room’s tub reminded you of memories you’d rather forget, and you slowly undid your robe and stepped out of your underwear before dipping in the cold, freezing water.

It felt good. It may have been temporary, but the numbing bite of the water helped you feel more placated. Even for a little while, it was nice to not worry about anything. There were no titles, no mafia drama, no anything, just you and the water that you would’ve easily fooled yourself to be simply enjoying your little trip in Milan until –

“I’ve been looking for you everywhere. You had me worried sick,” You sighed. Of course. Opening your eyes, you raised a brow as Satoru towered over you, a standard hotel towel in his arms. He’d change out of his suit and into cotton shorts and a shirt this time around, possibly on his way to sleep when he realized the room was empty. With no energy to deal with him, you swam away from the man, earning a groan in response. “What the hell is your problem? You’ve been acting weird ever since Nanami came. Listen, if this is about that island, you don’t have to worry too much about anything. I have enough people and resources to help you in every step of the way.”

You ignored him. After everything that happened, what was there to talk about anymore? Even if you told him everything, he might not understand.

So you swam in the middle of the pool, thankful that it was dark enough from the maintenance shutting the lights off that Satoru struggled to find you. However, you’d underestimated him because soon you heard the splashing of the water, and you were harshly tugged by the wrist before Satoru cornered you at the edge of the pool.

He was breathing hard; both of you were, and tried to push past his chest, only to be met with a solid plane of muscle that wouldn’t budge. You sighed and turned away from him, covering your exposed chest with your arms.

“Whatever Naoya is looking for…you’ll find it, okay?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“I’m serious,” the scorn in his tone had been so biting you turned back to him, about to hit him with something, scold him for something, but your words died down in your throat before you even had the chance to.

Satoru hadn’t been demanding. His face, illuminated by the moonlight, made his azure eyes twinkle like stardust exploding. Once in your life, you found so much comfort into staring at such beauty, but that was when everything was still a perfect lie. Funny how the truth ruined everything for its darkness, and you could only look back at him weakly, throat running dry from all the emotions that threatened to pour out of you.

Regret and desperation was written all over his face.

“Please,” he rested his forehead on yours, eyes closed as he mumbled, “You’re not alone in this. I don’t want to ask for much because I know I don’t deserve it, but please at least understand you don’t have to solve everything on your own. You’re not…you’re not alone. I’m here now.”

“When you left me,” your voice cracked, “It’s because you thought I wouldn’t love you anymore if I found out your true nature,” Satoru opened his eyes, anxiety swimming in those eyes that had once been so sweet. Perhaps he still held that sweetness now, albeit it was less tender and more cautious as he waited for you to continue. “If I told you about every sin I’ve committed, the name of each person I killed and everything I’ve done, would you stay with me? Or would you leave me again, only this time it’s because you think I’m no longer someone you could love?”

“I don’t understand.”

“I didn’t expect you to,” was all you said before you felt a tear prick the back of your eyes. You didn’t want him to see, god, you wanted to disappear in that moment you couldn’t think of anything else. Crashing your lips to his, you brought him down by the back of his neck to hide the tears freely falling from your face.

He froze for a split second before he eagerly pushed back, clenching the pool edges with his hands so hard his knuckles turned white. You were panting, moaning in his mouth as he pressed you harder against the edge, skin to skin, breath to breath, soul to soul.

Threading your hands to his hair, you grinded down on his shorts where he was already beginning to grow hard. Satoru groaned inside your mouth from your teasing but made no move to stop to – after all, why would he want to stop? It had been years, seven fucking years, and even you wouldn’t want to stop. It was wrong, it was dirty, it was immoral – but you needed this. You needed this more than ever.

Satoru’s hands tickled your waist as he squeezed them harsher than he intended, his calloused fingers travelling until he was kneading your breasts. You pulled away from him, head thrown back to rest on the edge.

And it was romantic.

The moon had never been so big, sprinkles of star shining in the vast darkness, the scene just perfect for two lovers in a getaway from the harshness of life. You knew it wasn’t real and the spell would break sooner than later, but did it matter? He rolled your beaded nipples into his fingers before he ducked down, lips suctioned to suck heavy bruises on the sensitive patch of skin on your neck that had you twitching in his hold.

Along with your moans, you cried harder. From heartbreak, from regret, from guilt; there was no turning back from this.

“Satoru, please, please, please. Make me feel better, make me feel good, I just want to forget everything.”

He nodded eagerly against your neck, letting your eager hands help him push his shorts down before his cock sprang free. His length grazed your lower abdomen for a moment, though he didn’t waste any time in entering your hole. You gritted your teeth at the intrusion, nails dug so hard in his shoulders that he bled.

The both of you had your foreheads connected, noses brushing and breaths mixing as you moaned and he sighed, eyes shut tight from finally being engulfed in your warmth.

“Right there, ‘Toru, oh fuck.”

“F-fuck,” he hitched one of your legs to wrap around his waist, “You’re still so tight after all this time,” Satoru praised, molding his lips with yours once again. He picked up his pace and watched as you desperately clung from one surface to another – his shoulders, his hair, the edge of the pool, flailing your arms each time his deep thrusts knocked the wind out of you – breasts bouncing as he bounced you on his cock.

“You look so fucking beautiful – my sweet, sweet angel. I missed you, missed you so fucking much.”

You didn’t say anything. No words were needed to be exchanged; actions spoke louder than words. At least right now, you could promise you wouldn’t lie.

Pulling him down for another kiss, you bit down on his bottom lip to muffle your moans, too speechless at each movement of his dick grazing past your walls. Fuck, he still felt so good, still knew your body way too well and your pussy hugged him so tight like you didn’t ever want to let go.

But you knew you had to, even as he came inside you and brought you back to your room, uncaring of the dripping mess you’ve both made before he locked the door.

You forgot how many hours you spent underneath him writhing in his bed. He took you each way he wanted – knees folded beside your head, on your side where he whispered all the filthy things he’d been wanting to do to you while he took you from behind, or your head squished on the pillow as he repeatedly smacked your ass, pulling your ass cheeks apart to praise you on how you took him so well. Satoru didn’t stop; you knew what you were getting into the moment you pulled him into you, that his sex drive was insane and he’d take long to tire himself out.

By the time the first shy fingertips of the sunlight extending across the horizon arrived, you were emptily staring at the window, Satoru fast asleep beside you.

It was time.

Silently, you pulled his arm away from you and quickly got dressed. He seemed to still be deep in slumber, and you carried the only bag previously packed with everything you might need. You were on the process of wearing your stilettos when he stirred awake, sleepily eyeing you from the bed you both devoted yourselves to in pleasuring one another.

“Where are you going?”

“Away,” you answered, tight-lipped. “From you.”

“Why?”

“Because…I lied,” you inhaled sharply, gloved hands frozen on the golden knobs.

Just open it, you screamed at yourself, walk away before it’s too late.

But you couldn’t move, pathetic that even after everything Naoya had worked so hard for, you still remained a slave to your past.

“No matter how much I hate everything you’ve done to me, I can’t bring myself to forget I once loved you. Maybe I still do – I don’t know. But what I do know is that I’m not as strong as I thought I was,” you cried, losing grip on the bag before it fell. You watched emptily as all the contents poured out – your money, your clothes, your phone, your ring – it all served as a reminder of who you were, of who you’d forgotten to be, of who you were supposed to be.

Your shoulders slumped in defeat.

“I don’t have enough strength to kill you.”

“Hey, angel,” he cooed, reaching you in three long strides before he caged you in his arms. Satoru was so warm, so strong, and the safety he provided you with only made you cry harder. You wanted to hate him, wanted to keep lying yourself since you’d been doing a great job at doing that for the past seven years, but it wasn’t that easy. Deep down…you still harbored the most miniscule affection, and that enough was capable of destroying you.

“What’s wrong?”

“Everything,” you whispered brokenly as you banged a weak fist to his chest, “Everything is wrong.”

Finavice Pharmaceuticals didn’t disappoint.

You were beyond impressed the moment you stepped through the door, a horde of eager chemists guiding you through the upper floors. Finavice was one of the biggest – if not the biggest – companies that were known for harboring the rarest or hard to get elements that not even you and Naoya could get your hands on.

Not by yourselves, anyway, so you took it upon yourself to strike a sponsorship to their research program in developing a cure to cancer under the guise of being an advocate to the improvement of the medical field.

Truthfully, you just wanted to please Naoya, show him you were useful and that he didn’t need to kill you. Desperate times called for desperate measures, and there you were, your prettiest smile plastered on as you scanned the towering buildings with unmasked interest.

“Here is the laboratory for the Finavice Pharmaceuticals where we test…”

“Mrs. Zen’in?”

The entire team stopped as a tall man, cloaked in a beige suit instead of a lab coat appearhed out of nowhere. Judging by how everyone had ducked their heads down and turned silent, you could only guess he must be the boss. Flashing your most charming smile, you hitched your bag higher up your arm. “Yes?”

“May I have a word with you?”

You fought the urge to sigh. His question was spoken much more of a statement that you weren’t really given a room to decline, and the young chemists gazed at you curiously under their lashes.

Not wanting to create a commotion that would lead into unwanted attention, you nodded, following the man through a set of double doors, guarded by two heavily armed men from the outside.

The man, who was Kento Nanami, the founder of Finavice himself leaned back into his seat as he made himself comfortable. “So you signed a contract with us two weeks ago to partner on our latest medicine, am I right? I’ve read over your proposals and I must say, they are rather interesting and innovative. I didn’t expect that a businessman’s wife would be a chemist who is interested in expanding to the pharmaceuticals as well. The Zen’ins has never been much invested in that.”

Gladly accepting the tea he’d slid your way, you made sure to clink the teaspoon against the porcelain as you played along. “People change, Mr. Kento. My husband and I’s goals are rather different from their former, traditional ones. Surely, steel exchange couldn’t support us for the rest of our lives.”

“I can’t say no to that. Kudos to you and your husband for your rather…ambitious shared goals then.”

Your hand froze on the utensil, and you narrowed your eyes at him in warning. “Are you implying we should not have trusted you with this, Mr. Kento?”

“No, I am merely letting you know that your act won’t fool me,” he chuckled, leaning forwards to rest his chin on his clasped knuckles, his blue eyes growing dark and serious. “I know what you and your husband’s family does. The Organization knows a lot more about your actions than you think you know we do. Correct me if I’m wrong, but you’re only here because we’re the only company who has access to an element you need for your drug, isn’t that the case, Mrs. Zen’in?”

Well…this was certainly unexpected. You’ve been effortlessly deceiving countless businessmen, government leaders and officials even, that this took you by your surprise. Two could play at this game.

Even if he saw through you long ago, it wouldn’t take much to grab his letter opener that was right beside you and puncture it through a jugular vein. If his guards came, you could easily take them down too. Today was one of those few moments you were thankful for Naoya’s hellish training.

But you didn’t want him to feel satisfied, so you leaned back into your seat and crossed your leg over the other.

“If you knew this whole time, why didn’t you kill me already? A lot of people wouldn’t miss the chance to do so.”

Nanami chuckled. “It’s because like you, I’m not just a pioneer. I, too, have my goals and loyalty laid out for someone else. Most specifically, the Organization, an international collaborative effort of stopping and reducing mafia movement for the safety of our people. Obviously, I’ve been assigned in the Yakuza Division, and it’s no coincidence I read through your file. You are, after all, one of our precious targets.”

You stared at him boredly. Why couldn’t he just get straight to the point?

“Is this a threat? I’m not sure it’s working.”

“Oh, no, I’m not threatening you,” he snatched your tea and took a long sip from it, and it was the first time you learned of his habit of concealing his curious gaze through drinking; a perfect act to seem inconspicuous.

“I am offering you a path to redemption. You may fool everyone, but I know an unhappy woman when I see one, Mrs. Zen’in, and I can tell you find no pleasure in the life you live – running errands for your criminal husband, constantly fearing for your life, wishing you’d just been a regular person like everyone else…” At the lack of response, he took it a gesture for him to continue, and he set the cup down, pushing his glasses right back up his nose. “The Organization has labeled you a target, but I think you’re more of a victim caught in a series of unfortunate events. I merely wish to save you from it.”

You guffawed in laughter at his last statement.

“You men really are ridiculous!” you slapped your palm on his table, losing every bit of that elegant composure to be perfected by a Zen’in wife. “Always preaching about saving me and protecting me – what actually are you pathetic losers even capable of?”

Much to your dismay, Nanami didn’t seem the least bit affected by your mockery.

“Please, don’t group me in with your husband and your former lover. Unlike them, I harbor no interest in you as a woman, I only want to fulfill my duty as an Agent and save you not because you’re a damsel in distress, but rather because…I could kill two birds with one stone,” his eyes shone in mischief, and you swallowed in discomfort as he gazed you up and down.

You’ve had enough experience with being seen as a meal, but this was different. Nanami was viewing you like you were a secret weapon he intended on using as much as he could to achieve his goals.

“You are a very convenient woman, Mrs. Zen’in. Similar to how your husband adores your abilities, I would like to take advantage of your connections. The only difference between me and them is that I can actually give you something money can’t even buy.”

“Such as?”

“A second chance at a normal life.”

“What makes you think I’ll accept your offer? I’m the wife of a mafia leader – my loyalty resides in him.”

“Only because you fear for your life,” he flashed you a red coin, crescents of a Latin quote scripted inside. Mori quam foedari – death before dishonor.

“Join the Organization, Y/N. With your connections, we could easily take down these families and protect the country. Hand over Satoru Gojo and Naoya Zen’in to us, and I promise the Organization will do everything in its power to give you the life you always wanted. A safe, normal one. No more worrying about being killed as you ride your car, no more beating yourself up as you make drugs to promise your usefulness to your husband and no more pretending you are someone who you’re not,” he flipped the coin between his fingers, and tantalized, you couldn’t keep your eyes off it. “Don’t you want that? You’d be able to live freely if you cooperate with us.”

You could hear the gears in your head turning. Part of you would’ve assumed this was a trap had you not known better, but Naoya taught you that if something was a trap, it would sound too easy, too good.

None of this was easy. It would require facing a demon from your past and handling things differently than what Naoya had planned, but that wasn’t the worst.

It was the fact that if you accepted, you’d have to come home tonight and lie in the face of your husband who could easily read through you. He smelled lies and treachery before you could realize you were even thinking of doing something, and knowing Naoya, he wouldn’t hesitate to put a bullet between your eyes the instant he felt something was off.

But his offer… it was a risk you had to take. You wouldn’t ever get an opportunity like this again.

“Do you promise…that I’ll really go back to normal after this? That I won’t be involved in this mess anymore?”

“I can only promise that if you also promise to do your part. You see, I strongly believe you are the one that can put an end to this all. All you have to do is join us, and soon it’ll feel like this nightmare never happened at all. You’ll be free from Naoya Zen’in and Gojo Satoru before you realize it.”

You stared at his coin harder. Death before dishonor. This Organization he was a part of obviously didn’t fuck around, and it seemed scarier because they had their eyes on you for a while now. What were the odds they offered a deal instead of outright killing you, even going as far as to provide you a second chance at life, one that you genuinely wanted to enjoy? It would be a shame to say no, and even if the chances of this turning out well were low, you would damn well take it. A small chance was better than nothing.

“What do I have to do?”

Nanami grinned and pocketed his coin. “A very wise decision, Mrs. Zen’in,” he congratulated, “Please, meet me at my office tomorrow, eight on the dot. Oh, and remember, the Organization will now be watching you wherever you go. You’re one of us now.”

The next day, Nanami had cut your palm.

He spilled your blood into an empty metal casing with engraved letters, mori quam foedari, the phrase both comforting and ominous. Soon, you came home with your blood solidified into a coin to prove your membership and loyalty, that they quite owned you in more ways than one. Your blood meant your loyalty, and the coin felt heavy in your pocket with the implication it was also your blood they wouldn’t hesitate to spill should you betray them.

Mori quam foedari.

Death before dishonor.

Your life over Naoya’s, your future over Gojo’s.

The next few days had been tense. After telling Satoru everything down from the smallest detail, things had shifted between you. Quite frankly, you expected that maybe he’d kill you right then and there after explicitly stating that just because you couldn’t kill him, didn’t mean you wouldn’t turn him in.

“Angel,” he begged, “Will you never really give me the chance to do everything right this time around?”

However, you were too firm on your plans. You originally wanted to leave and go to the island yourself; it was easier to leave Satoru open and vulnerable for the Organization to attack him in your absence. He loved you, that was much clear, and if he looked for you, he’d make himself vulnerable to the Organization, but recent plans had to be altered now that he wasn’t willing to let go of you. Though no matter what he said, you valued your life and future more than you could ever love him.

It was an act of kindness to yourself.

“I don’t want this life anymore, Satoru. Either way, I don’t have a choice, not when I could die literally anytime before I could even say goodbye.”

It had been hours since ‘that’ talk and now you were on a plane back to Tokyo. You had to pull out some archives from Naoya’s files to know more about the island before you could visit it, and it was important for Satoru to know details such as security measures over there.

You’d long fallen asleep from exhaustion, bundled up in a fleece blanket while Geto glared at you.

“Are you sure about this, Sir? I think we should just keep her with us even if she doesn’t want to. The Gojo clan is powerful enough that no one would dare cross us. Not even this Organization she speaks of has ever done anything to us. Without her, they stand no chance against us,” he sat in front his boss and kept sending wary glances your way. “Letting her go like you did before wasn’t a good idea. She knows too much about everyone to live normally now. Do you really believe the Organization will protect her?”

“Knowing the strings the government could pull – and add on to the fact Nanami Kento, one of the richest men in this country works for them that it’s safe to assume each figure in them is a powerhouse – I don’t doubt their promise one bit.”

“But you’ll go to jail if you let her surrender you. Or worse, they’ll destroy the clan from the bottom up.”

“I know that, Geto.”

Geto groaned, brushing his hands through his hair from how indifferent his boss was being, drinking champagne as if he wasn’t willingly walking into his own death. “Then why aren’t you thinking more clearly about this? I understand you love her and you want to make it up to her, but we can’t let her do whatever she pleases! In order to keep herself safe, she’s going to sacrifice you! She’s dangerous, Sir, she’s been lying to her husband the whole time and who’s to say she isn’t capable of doing something worse to a stranger like you?”

“I told you already, Geto,” Satoru swirled the pink liquid in his flute, his face empty and unreadable. “I know.”

“With all due respect, Sir, I don’t agree with your decision. The clan would fall without you and you don’t have siblings or an heir. No one is powerful to hold the clan together aside from you so if you leave – there’s no more hope for us,” he sighed when Satoru didn’t budge. “I at least want you to reconsider your actions. She’s just a woman, Sir. It’s either we kill her or we imprison her. You let her go before because you believed she would be your downfall, and quite frankly, it’s happening all over again.”

Satoru gazed out the window, bringing the flute to his lips with a dark glint in his eye that Geto recognized meant trouble, or worse, an actual solution to this hellish situation.

“Which is why we’re going to pay an old friend a visit, Geto. There’s only one person who could turn the tables around.”

ADDITIONAL NOTE: TOJI IS COMING SOON!!! what are your theories on what might be on that island and *drum roll* WHO IS GOJO’S OLD FRIEND?! 

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[todoscript]

prompt 100, todoroki, smut? first time/confession?

Always You.

Prompt | “All I know is that if you don’t tell me to stop I’m going to kiss you.”

Genre | SMUT. Fluff.

Pairing | Todoroki Shouto x Fem!Reader

Words | 5.2K+

Warnings | 18+. Smut. Oral. Penetration. Semi-public sex. Body worship. Characters are aged up. Feelings Revealed. Cuddling. 

Summary | Hearing your troubled thoughts about the daunting future ahead of you, Shouto finally realizes what you meant to him all this time.

A/N | I’ve been wanting to dabble with smut, so thank you Anon for this request (also I’m assuming you requested the prompt based on this list from my past drabble event). This is my first time posting e/xplicit content so beware of all the warnings. Other than that, please let me know your thoughts!

Big thank you to @sadistiks and @shoutogepi for beta reading! I really appreciate it! <3

For the longest time, since the very first year of his high school journey to becoming a hero, Todoroki Shouto knew that you were special to him. But he didn’t realize what these emotions meant.

At first, the feelings bombarded his thoughts like a haze—a screen of smoke he couldn’t see past. He initially discerned it as an affliction down his path, blocking his sight from the light at the end of his heroic odyssey. Yet even when he waved the murk away, he felt your spirit was still somehow manifested within him.

The darkness of the dim first floor greeted him when he arrived down from the elevator, the agony of no sleep pestering mind. The light shuddered back inside as he stepped out, a ding echoing throughout the quiet atmosphere that was the dead of the night. He trekked down the halls, past the kitchen, and into the common space where only a single flicker of candlelight met his vision.

However, when he approached closer, he noticed the fire wasn’t alone. There you were, sat on the couch with warm, soothing tea nestled in your hands.

“Y/n,” he called out, and you heard his voice quickly in the silence. You turned around, knowing well it was Shouto from the distinct husk in his tone and not your teacher Aizawa coming to reproach you for still being up so late.

“Oh Shouto, couldn’t sleep either?” you asked. He replied with a nod, which compelled you to pat the cushions on the couch. He took your offer and established himself into the light, sitting next to you.

For a moment, a gentle lull instilled itself into the atmosphere. You didn’t say anything to each other, but your presences were enough to soothe the strain in your bodies and release any disturbing thoughts plaguing your minds. It was an unspoken form of affirmation between you two that Shouto was oddly fond of. When you perched your cup of tea onto the coffee table, you finally cut the silence.

“I’ve been… thinking…” Your words drifted off, and Shouto removed his sight from the candle’s dancing fire to turn to you.

“About?” He poked the remark further.

“Our class. Our journey to becoming heroes,” you answered, folding your legs into you on the couch with your chin propped against your knees. “Soon, it’ll all be over.”

Your words lingered with distraught at the thought that within a few months left in your third year, the next step in your path will open forward, leaving a curtain to draw close on the current one you’ve walked upon for nearly three years now. It was unsettling. Realizing the habits you’ve established, and the faces you’ve been accustomed to throughout each day, will suddenly vanish within the instant you approached life after high school. It scared you as much as it did the boy by your side, which to him was strange.

It shouldn’t bother him as much. He’s worked himself up since he was a child, grinding sweat and rigor through his bones to achieve this goal. He’s known across his entire life that he’d eventually end up at this point and move further toward that dream of becoming a Pro Hero. Yet when you addressed the troubling notions out loud, he grew conflicted.

“That’s right. We’ll be walking on our different paths after,” Shouto said. It was then he realized the weight amassed in that single statement. That once the year is over, you won’t be ingrained into each other’s lives anymore. He wouldn’t get to see your smiling face greeting him every morning or engage in the compelling conversations you enacted between classes. His life would be different from then on out, and the idea of the emptiness carved into it after your departure left an ache in him, making him hollow.

“A-Are you ready for it? To move on and leave everything behind?” you stuttered as if anxious to receive his answer. Deep down, you wanted to believe the boy still desired to hang onto the present and the relationships woven into this fabric of time, rather than cut them off and start a new seam. However, you could not forget about his achievements and hard work, forged through sheer will and determination. He was amongst the top in your entire year, and you couldn’t neglect that he was destined for bigger and better things after. It would be selfish of you to anchor him down with these chilling notions of yours.

Yet as Shouto thought over the questions, he envisioned his trudge down this long winding road, and then remembered everything. He remembered all the times his eyes lingered on you, and the silent, reassuring exchanges you sent each other between infinitesimal moments. He remembered all the words you spoke to him when his spirits were down, recalling whenever he willingly sought out your presence just to be near you—next to you. And he remembered the heat on his body and the confliction he dealt with whenever he craved your touch as every thought of you ignited a blaze he wished you could douse out, lest his sense of reason be incinerated. 

It’s when he reached the end of this path, and the light peaked in its brightest form that he ultimately realized. The light was you. It was always you from the beginning. You were never the haze obscuring his journey, but the luminosity that guided his way, showing him to who he truly was and helping him experience all the joys on this path.

Shouto snuck a glance over to you while your eyes still lined downward at the quivering reflection of the cup of chamomile tea next to the candle. The single light source illuminated every crest beautified on your face, and he beheld the vulnerability within the moment as if you were the only thing on this earth. You made him happy and filled that void in his existence that plagued him before he arrived at U.A., like the missing piece of an incomplete puzzle. He could not fathom the world around him without you.

Shouto breathed a heavy sigh from his lips. Despite your doubt and suspense, his answer felt all too obvious to him.

“No, I don’t think I’m ready to move on just yet,” he conclusively admitted. When you perceived his answer, you loosened your legs clutched to your chest, and met his eyes with an astonished expression.

“Shouto, what are you saying?” You tried to urge him to rethink his words again, understand what they meant. Shouto, out of the majority of everyone in your year, should be more than prepared for the future to come. You’ve known the boy so closely throughout your three years together, but you couldn’t discern whatever could be troubling his mind for him to be afraid of taking that leap forward.

“There’s… something in this life that I’m not willing to let go of yet,” he cast his gaze to the small flit of the candle before shifting it to the glow of your irises. His hands reached out and entwined with yours, and the comforting touch of your warm skin gave him the fortitude to continue.

“You. I don’t think I’m ready to leave you yet, Y/n,” he told you, and in the quiet, the words nearly echo through your mind. Initially, you’re speechless at the confession, but you don’t pull away. In fact, you gripped his hands tighter, like maybe the Shouto in front of you was a mirage conjured by your lack of sleep. However, he’s real. The unwavering stare, the altering sensations clasped against his calloused palms, the resolute composure on his handsome features. They were all real. 

“Sh-Shouto… I—”

“I realized what you meant to me. You’re always on my mind because you’re the one thing in this life I can’t go without, the one person I won’t and can’t move on from.” Though a man of few words, he mustered the strength to utter this unyielding declaration. 

“I’m in love with you, Y/n,” he imparted the words he’s been meaning to tell you—the words that finally answered the confusion he felt all this time and lifted the veil that clouded him.

Your eyes shimmered, hearing the heart behind his affirmation. Your face shifted from a mien of confliction to one of acceptance, allowing yourself to wholeheartedly welcome the emotions he finally unshackled from the depths of his soul.

“Shouto, I… I love you. I think deep down, I’ve always felt the same, I just never knew if it was right for us to be together,” you said, and it obliged him to return an enlightened look while he slowly inched closer.

“But… What does this mean from here on out?” you tried to ask through a whisper, but the ceasing proximity between you two blanks your mind to only the attention of Shouto’s face drawing near, his cold breath tickling your lips.

“I don’t know. All I know is that if you don’t tell me to stop, I’m going to kiss you,” he warned yet didn’t stop to pause as his eager lips finally met yours in a searing sensation of emotions. Your mind adjusted to the caress of his lips, soon melding perfectly into his with a simple tilt of your head.

Shouto brought a hand up to hold your jaw while his other gripped underneath your thigh to adjust your position, now straddling him on the couch to allow your bodies to press together intimately. Naturally, your arms found their way around his neck while you continued mingling your lips for kiss after kiss in the empty common space, tongues dancing together. He palmed at every inch of your skin, traveling from the expanse of your naked legs to your ass, and then up to your clothed breasts. Through these motions, you grounded yourself against him and felt the growing shape beneath his sweatpants form against your covered cunt.

Your lips detached for a second. You stared into the evident lustful haze fogged in his fraternal twin irises, a playful grin on your swollen lips. “Are you sure all you want to do is kiss?”

He mirrored your smirk, hands lightly grazing your thighs teasingly. “Not even close, love.”

Hearing the endearing name caused a heat to pool in your lower-half, which continued to grow desperately hot while he embarked his mouth on a journey across the expanse of your neck. You winced at the array of fervent kisses left in his wake and noticed his hands busied themselves by rubbing circles against your torso to your hips underneath your sleeping clothes. He brushed up against your breasts, unrestricted due to an absence of a bra. His touch felt like fire, and sent you into dizzying desire. It wasn’t long until he finally tugged on the hem of your shirt. Taking the hint, you moved your arms up to allow him to pull the article of clothing off.

“Fuck, you’re so pretty,” he muttered and wasted no time in admiring your bare upper body, tossing your shirt to the side. Though he only spoke of beautifying praises, he noticed your hesitance when you hovered your arms in front of him, cheeks growing vividly hot. At this, he took your hands in his and moved them away from obscuring the beautiful sight before his adamant, loving gaze.

“I mean it. You’re the prettiest thing on this earth, Y/n,” he assured, planting a kiss against each of your palms then settling them on his shoulders.

“And I’m going to make sure—” His words paused as his mouth attached to your skin once more.

“That your beautiful body—” He molded his lips against the underside of one mound, traveling upward.

“Knows all the things—” it eventually made its way to your nip that shivered and hardened through the exposure to the cold air, “I’ll be doing to it.”

Hearing those sensual words leave the mouth of a man usually so composed and calm made your mind scatter in a hazy daze that drenched you from your panties to the thin material of your shorts, undoubtedly wetting his sweatpants in the process.

“Mm… Ahh…” you breathed out a sigh of moans next to his ear thanks to his methodical movements, which sounded like a melody he would repeat over and over in his head for years to come. One of his large hands slipped behind you down your shorts to grip your ass, ignoring the clothing, and the other wandered to your breast that wasn’t occupied by the heated presses of his mouth. You tried to keep yourself anchored to reality and not drift off in the hot air of lust by gripping behind his head and weaving your fingers in his dual-colored tresses. Unknowingly, you pressed him further into you, and he gladly continued to indulge in his simulations.

Eventually, he parted from your body to sit back and admire his handy work, which were the marks adorned on your skin and the needy look on your face left in his wake. The glimmer of the candlelight behind you accentuated the outline of your figure, and he wanted to ingrain this pretty image into his head so badly.

“Sh-Shouto…” you whined, and his eyes perked up.

“What is it, love?” he asked, though his hands continued caressing your waist and thighs almost tauntingly, discerning the desire in your voice.

“I want…”

“Want what?” he pried on.

“You know what I want...” You bashfully eyed down his lap, fingers tracing below his shirt to the waistband of his pants, tugging.

“Hm, do I?” he jeered, and you cursed at how he dragged out your desires while falling further into his mischief from the way he resumed stroking the fever of your skin.

“Yes, you do,” you ground against his erection once more, hoping to spark a reaction. And in the end, you received one in the form of his hands gripping your hips to still your movements. 

“Fuck…” His brows narrowed tightly together from the shift that caused blood to spike through his cock. “Don’t worry, I’ll give you what you want, love—what you need,” he finally assured, softly touching your cheek with the back of his hand before planting a peck.

“But first, I want a taste. Hands on the couch,” he ordered in the husky timbre of his voice, and you didn’t disobey, lest he draw out your pleasure toward a nerve-wracking pace your body couldn’t handle anymore. You moved off his lap and crawled to the furthest end to perch yourself against the couch’s arm, knees on the cushions, and bottoms faced toward Shouto.

He awarded your immediate compliance with his hands, dragging themselves down the skin of your back and descending toward the waistband of your shorts. However, to your chagrin, he only pulled off the first layer.

His eyes beheld the color of red while he jerked the clothing down your thighs, now met and widened at the sight of your rose-hued panties. He watched as you slowly turned your head to catch his amorous expression, the man kneeled behind you from the view of your ass emphasized by the flimsy, lace fabric. He admired how you glowed from the candle, and how the moonlight filtered through the windows of the common room, cascaded on the expanse of skin the firelight couldn’t reach, while your body was arched, ready, and willing for his and his eyes only. If you were a goddess, he’d worship you and visit your shrine for the rest of his life. No, scratch that, in Shouto’s eyes, no goddess or deity could ever compare to you.

“God, how is everything about you so perfect…” he breathed out, tone laced in utter affection. Your face blossomed crimson from his praises.

The candle at his side still offered him enough light to see the evident damp spot on the crotch of your panties. When he pulled them down, your slick strung from the lacey material to your lower glistening lips, which made him release a strained groan. You helped him remove the tainted articles of clothing by lifting your knees as he slid them down your legs, letting them pile in a heap on the floor.

“Even your pussy’s pretty…” he spoke the obscene words like they were second nature, but you couldn’t conjure anything in reply except a whimper when he dragged his fingers across your sex. He smeared your wetness on his fingertips, not even offering their full length into your heat.

“F-Fuck… please,” you begged, fidgeting in your spot to usher him to do anything more to stop the ache in your body.

“Don’t worry, baby, I’m not going anywhere,” he promised, leaning over you and tossing your hair to the side to smother kisses on the nape of your neck. He then trailed his mouth down your back at an agonizing pace while his fingers continued to toy with your wet cunt using touches that could never climb you to the peak of your high. Soon his lips arrived at your asscheek, melding the smooches against your flesh while he dipped toward his desired destination.

Shouto leveled his gaze to your ass, grasping it firmly in his hands and spreading you open. The scent of your arousal invaded his senses. Your exposure to his intimate eyes made your cunt twitch in front of him, slick gathering and sticking to your thighs.

“Mm, so so pretty...”

However, as much as he wanted to dive right in and drink all your nectar, your cute whimpers drove him to tease you once more, only granting you the sensations of his breath fanned on your dripping sex.

“Baby, what do you want?” You couldn’t believe he had the nerve to ask. Still, you played along, albeit not nearly as patient as the man behind you.

“Y-Your mouth,” you answered, and you felt the thin smirk on his lips when he kissed your ass one last time.

“A nice answer,” is all he muttered before his tongue finally reached your aching entrance. He licked around you, his hold on your flesh tightened to bare your pussy to his entering appendage. At the feeling of his muscle along your silky walls, your nails started digging into the arm of the green couch, voice singing out unhinged.

“Careful, love, everyone’s still sleeping. We wouldn’t want them to hear now, would we?” he warned when he detached from your sex, yet was quick to dive in again. Clasping your hand over your mouth to mute the airy noises emitting from your lips, you remembered where you were—in an open and publicly used space. It especially became very apparent when the squelch of his mouth against you reverberated in the vast, empty area due to Shouto becoming a man unshackled by his passionate desires for the woman he loved. The last thing you wanted was for the boys on the second floor to wake up. Or worse, accidentally alert Mr. Aizawa.

As Shouto continued tasting your cunt, the heat coursing through your body was slowly boiling and longing to burst, your mewls edging to heavy moans past your hand. When your pussy started grappling around his tongue, he realized you inched closer and closer to release.

“Are you going to cum for me? Soak my tongue with everything you got?”

You hissed a squeal of a yes, along with a speedy succession of nods that was enough of a response for Shouto to help you reach your high. His motions transcended faster, and he added to the revelry by inserting a long finger into you, easily touching the particular spongy area inside that made you quiver. The overflowing sensations hollowed the sounds in your throat to mere hoarse throes of pleasure. His bind on your flesh grew firmer, like his feast on your cunt was the ambrosia he needed to revitalize his body. 

“Ah, f-fuck Shouto, I’m— I’m—”

“Do it, baby. Cum all over my face.”

The weighty lust in his words was the last fuel you needed to attain your peak. At last, your sex clenched across Shouto’s tongue, covering his mouth in your juices as your screams were suppressed against the couch arm you buried your face into, knowing your hand was too weak of a barrier to contain your loud, wanton cries. With you soon becoming limp due to the mind-blowing orgasm that coursed your body, you braced yourself on the couch’s arm. Turning your head, you observed the glistened sheen covering the lower half of Shouto’s face that he earnestly licked and then rubbed against his forearm. The heady sight resulted in your body growing hot and bothered all over again.

“Mm, you taste so delicious, love,” he told you before he eased forward across your form and captured your mouth for another searing kiss that allowed you to taste your flavor on his tongue. Shouto’s arms readily wove around your naked body, positioning you to lay comfortably flat beneath him on the couch while never leaving the fervid lip-lock. You hung an arm over his back, and a hand settled into his hair.

“Ah.. wait,” you managed to voice between the wistful union of your tongues, letting Shouto lean his forehead against yours to peer into your eyes.

“What is it?”

“You’ve been doing all the work tonight. The least I should do to repay you is give you some pleasure, right?” you said, attempting to reach lower toward the bulge keen on his sweats. Yet Shouto halted you with a quick hand on your wrist.

“It’s alright, Y/n. I want to use this night to appreciate and love you,” he stated, bringing your hand to his lips as his gaze never moved from yours. “And besides, we can do that next time.”

Next time? You wordlessly repeated the phrase, mind trying to fathom what this passionate night would spark in the aftermath for you two.

Even with everything ahead of him, he still desired to be with you—to love and cherish you. Now that you’ve both admitted to the feelings concealed within yourselves for so long, there wasn’t any way Shouto could just let you go. One way or another, he’d carve another path down his odyssey where you two would walk together, and he could forever bask in your light.

But for now, he needed to tend to you and satiate his lust that has thoroughly built up throughout the heaty progression of the night, his cock painfully taut in the bounds of his clothing. At last, he granted his body the small bit of freedom it craved by removing his shirt and sweatpants, leaving his skin bare to the air like yours. Raking your eyes over his form scrupulously, you bit into your lower lip at the expanse of firm muscle lining every inch of his frame. The light beside you seemed only to enhance every marbled crest delved across his features. Those three years of fierce hero training committed wonders on his body, and you were eager to put your hands all over him.

However, your mind was blanketed into a haze when he pulled down his briefs—soiled by a blotch of his precum—allotting you with an unhindered view of his cock standing to attention. Shouto lowly chuckled, noticing the speechless expression taking over your face. His hand wholly stroked his stout manhood.

“Like what you see, baby?”

Your response is reduced to a quick nod, still dumbstruck by the length of his dick and generous girth when knowing he was soon to be inside you in mere moments. Shouto took his position in front of you again. He spread you out with as much room as the green couch of the common room could offer you two. You kept resonating out whimpers from your lips, and he reveled in those sounds while preparing to align himself to your entrance, his eyes fogged with unrivaled yearning for you. To say he’s dreamt of this day—where you’re hot, needy, and naked in the wake of his lustful desires—would be an understatement. No kind of imagination could beat the real thing, with the genuine noises you produced and the way your slick felt against the head of cock as he slowly pushed himself forward. Watching each inch of his dick gradually slide inside and experiencing the tightness of him and his love coming together did many things to him. The sensation was beyond incredible.

“Mm! Fuck!” you cried out in a whisper of a yell, immediately anchoring yourself by wrapping your arms around him when he lowered his upper-body to you. The stretch of his girth induced a pleasurable burn in your stomach that threatened to seize your entire being. 

“Argh… Love, I’m right here— Fuck, you’re so tight—” he cursed at your warmth firmly enveloping his cock, struggling not to let the heat of the moment devour his reasoning and just plow away at your body. No, he needed to go slow and not hurt you, let you adjust to his size. Thankfully the wetness simulated when he ate you out aided the process, and soon his entire length was sheathed inside you.

You laid there trembling over the deep sensation, but the pain managed to diffuse quickly. “I-It’s OK… I’m alright now,” you murmured to him, the circles he rubbed into your skin soothing a bit of the tension harrowed in your body. You tilted your head so your lips were sheer centimeters from his ear, whispering out in a soft, heady tone that was breaking his rationale.

“Please fuck me.”

That was all he needed to begin his hard succession of thrusts. His cock felt along all the crevices of your walls. He grunted out praises and affections for you in between each drive into your core. Fuck, every part of you was like heaven and he wanted—no—needed to indulge in all you could give him. You struggled to find your words, voice hoarse and diminished to frail moans that he heard every trace of from the proximity between you, practically instilling the harmonies into his mind.

“I love you, Y/n, fuck I love you so much.” His bewitching utterances spilled from his lips without a second thought for all he’s thinking about is you.

“You were always the light that— ah— guided me... Always the one I could come to…” His thrusts continued relentlessly even as he bent toward your neck to meld his mouth on it for a second. “You were always the one, Y/n. It was always you.”

At all his love rained down upon you, your grip on his body grew tighter while you attempted to muster out some coherent words, despite each deep impulse of his cock making you envision stars.

“Mm, ah, l-love you too— Mmph—” You cut off with a scream that was luckily muted by Shouto joining his mouth to yours the moment he reached your pleasurable spongy area again. He continued his onslaught in that spot, knowing it was the erogenous zone in your body that made you writhe and shriek for him. White began to shroud your sight every time he pounded there. It wouldn’t be long until the simmer you built to a boil would be ready to burst again, your pussy starting to clench around his length desperately.

“Shouto, I’m gonna c-cum..!”

“Fuck, me too,” he replied to your frantic pleas and savored the sting of your nails raked down his back, tightening his hold on your spread legs. “Together, baby. Cum with me.”

With you both teetered toward the edge of release, he began pistoning his hips forward at an unbridled pace, the smack of your skins echoing so vividly in the space. Spit gathered in the back of your throat as Shouto did his very best to snatch every mewl and moan resounding from your lips. The noises vibrated across his tongue while he groaned back, thrusting forward in each succession. Eventually, the final scream tore from your throat, ripping into his mouth. Your body convulsed in a fit of overwhelming pleasure across every nerve and your intense orgasm was the catalyst he needed to cum.

In a single deep, quick thrust following your peak, his climax surged through him, and he came undone. A low grunt reverberated in him as he buried himself in you and coated your walls in hot spurts of white, the lip-lock remaining fervent throughout his orgasm and his hand seeking yours at the last minute to twine together in love and passion.

Through the whirlwind of your fucking, the candle on the coffee table eventually blew itself out while you both came down from your highs with ragged breaths and sweaty bodies. Shouto lovingly kissed your temple, caressing down your sides in calming motions. You returned the gesture by pecking his chest and rubbing the muscles of his broad back. The two of you simply laid there, tangled together, basked in the glow from the intensity, with nothing but the glimmering moonlight descending your naked bodies.

“Mm, Shouto?” your voice is only a hushed murmur in the tranquil atmosphere.

“What is it, love?” His caring touch did not cease when he whispered a question back, eyes pinpointing your own despite the darkness.

“As much as I just want to lay here and cuddle with you, we can’t stay here mister,” you admonished, thankful that you recalled where you were before you ended up drifting off into sleep on this couch. It would be an absolute nightmare had you awoke the next morning from the screams of your classmates at the sight of you both naked.

He let out a deep chuckle, likely conjuring the same thought as you though not acting nearly as frantic as he should be. He lifted his upper body off the cushions. “Shall we go to my room then?”

You nodded. At that you both gathered your clothes that were thrown carelessly in heaps on the floor and got dressed. You made sure no suspicious traces of you remained, then silently took to the elevators to ascend to the fifth floor.

It’s in the confines of Shouto’s room that you reunited your bodies again underneath the comfortable blankets of his futon. His left side provided just the right amount of warmth to lull your nerves. You relished in his particular musky scent with him so close and being surrounded by all his familiarities, cuddling into him.

Perceiving the rhythm of your even breaths against him imbued Shouto with a sense of peace. He couldn’t help but pull you toward him to softly kiss your forehead. At the tickling sensation, you giggled and exchanged a delicate kiss of your own on his jawline. For a brief period of time, that calming silence you two were far too familiar with enveloped the mood as you wordlessly traded placid touches across each other’s arms and backs. Ultimately, the quiet is interrupted when you speak up.

“Are you.. still scared about the future?” You brought back the query that set off the steamy chain of events. Shouto didn’t speak for a moment, inhaling a breath until you indicated his resolution through his hold on you growing stronger.

“No. No, I’m not scared,” he told you, continuing without a single hint of uncertainty in his voice, “Because even when we move onto the future, we’ll find each other again. You’re my light, Y/n, and I’ll always come back to you.”

At his conviction, you finally let the weight of those harrowing notions lift themselves from your body that night, letting you sleep soundlessly in the arms of the man you loved.

#bnha #bnha x reader #todoroki smut #todoroki shouto #bnhabookclub #todoroki shoto #todoroki x reader #todoroki shouto x reader #shouto todoroki #todoroki shoto x reader #mha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #bnha smut #mha x reader #bnha imagines #mha imagines #shouto x reader #shoto x reader #bnha scenarios #mha scenarios #my writing