#then remembered the “paranoia” music video and went | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

humbertocavill · 1 year

Text

Freshman Year Part I - 2021 version

It’s to be expected right? Heading off to college right after high school, with only what they instilled in us through 4 years of school, “The professors in college will not put up with any of it” and whatever nonsense they said to us about classes.

But what about the rest? The actual life in college, where were the warnings for that, and warnings for the people we’d come across, who abused, neglected, only to toss us aside when done with us.

It’s to be expected right? Growing up and experiencing college in full. Everyone had the same idea, drink til you puke, hook up and fuck. I don’t think I ever wanted all of that. I’m not a prude, but I much rather live younger for longer. Besides, who likes hangovers and tore up assholes from anal sex? It hurts most of the time, unless you’re loose or loosen up. Some people are professionals, but not me.

Each semester I can hardly wait to finish to move on to the next and to the next, trying to stay focused, whilst indulging in distractions. It’s almost October and I want to do well, I knew I am a genuinely good kid. I stay home each weekend to study, do my homework, finish my readings, imagine me on my desk with the classical music in the background.

Anyway, back to the story. This summer I really didn’t follow the rules of my engagements, I dated a vapid moron named Hector. Are all Hectors this way, or just this one? (Sorry to all the Hectors). He’s decent-looking, likes to work out (while drinking? Odd right?) drives a BMW and took me out to dinner every other weekend, usually as apologies after yelling at me or calling me in the middle of the night crying telling me he loved me (which he never remembered) and I never understood why. I don’t think I ever gave him much of myself, but it’s all he took. He also called drunk, asking me to pick him up at wherever drunk party he was, which I couldn’t. I don’t have my own car, or license. But he never remembers.

“Please. I’m scared to drive right now it’s so dark outside,” he slurred. “And I had too much to drink.” He burped.

“I am at home. And you already know I don’t have a car. Maybe you shouldn’t even be going out this late if you don’t have anyone to go get you.”

“Well. Can you stay on the phone with me while I drive? I’m so scared. I think someone is following me.” The paranoia was obvious, he was also high.

“Fine. Just put me on speaker so at least you don’t have to hold the phone. And wash your face with cold water.”

After weeks of nights like these I couldn’t take it any more, especially after showing up at my house asking to see me in the middle of the night, thankfully he never woke up anyone, and usually ended up at a neighbor’s house instead of mine, he was always too drunk to remember.

Hector is the type of man to tell you he missed you but never really acted like it. He invited me to a friend’s birthday dinner, all he did the entire night was smoke, blow smoke my way, and text all night and ignore me the whole time. I grabbed his hand and he shoved it back to my lap. After he dropped me off I told him to never call me again, I was tired. And I didn’t want him around, but do they listen? No. Men like him never listen.

Weeks went by, he never texted or called, I assumed he did sometimes in private but I always pressed ignore. He knew I didn’t want to talk to him. One Friday night, I got a call on a San Antonio number, and I answered thinking it was a school matter (at night? Why didn’t I know better?) but it was Hector, calling from a hospital in San Antonio. It was late, and I was playing video games. I didn’t know what he was saying, it was hard to understand him. He hung up instantly, he then calls my iPod FaceTime and I answer.

On my small iPod screen appears Hector, his eye swollen shut, lip completely busted and blood running from the side of his head. I couldn’t understand a thing, and his pain was so obvious it was hard to watch.

“I ran a yellow light and a huge pick up truck t-boned me. I can hardly talk but I’ll text you. The doc is coming.”

“Were you drunk?” I asked instantly. I could tell it upset him.

“How can you ask me that no I wasn’t. I had gone to pick-up groceries and it all happened so fast. I gotta go. I miss you please answer me. I need someone with me.” I melted at his “I miss you.”

I felt so sorry for him. I stayed on the phone with him the rest of the night until his medicine put him to sleep. He fractured his eye socket so he was admitted for the night, taken care of at least. Thinking of it, he isn’t so bad when he is sober. Which is really sad.

A few weeks later he called to tell me he was home, and wanted to see me, so he was taking me out to his best friend’s birthday party and wanted me to be his date. I figured why not? He is sober, apologized for (nearly) everything. I took him up on it.

I dressed with blue pants and a teal button shirt and some new Calvin Klein underwear some other guy bought me because he wanted to see me in them, which he mentioned turned him on.

“I’ll pick you up in 10 minutes,” he said. He sounded calm, not too excited.

My parents were out having dinner so I just told them I’d be back later. Like, way later.

He pulled up in the new Honda Accord Coupe his parents bought for him since he wrecked his BMW.

“Hi.” I said as I got into the car slowly.

He grabbed my neck and kissed me aggressively and put his hand around my shoulder to bring me closer. Then he hugged me tightly.

“Hi.” He replied. “I missed you so much.”

“The stitches oh my god, did they heal? I’m sorry.” He laughed.

“Yes they’re all healed.” His face looked back to normal, no swollen eye socket, his eyebrow healed up really nicely.

We drove away and his phone rang as soon as we took off.

“Hello….” His tone went back to the dark one I thought he put away, I guess it’s reserved to thoses who annoy him.

“Okay mom. I got it. I won’t come home too late I know. I’m not gonna drink tonight. Okay! Stop talking to me like I’m in high school! I’m 22 years old! No! 11 p.m.? Are you insane? UGH. I don’t wanna have this conversation bye!”

He was red and furious. I sat there quietly. “Why does she want you home so early?”

“Cuz I just got this car today and she doesn’t want me to crash it.” He grabbed my hand tightly. It hurt.

His phone rang again.

“I told you I was going to Ruby’s party, it’s her birthday tonight. It’s at her house. I’ll call you later.” He threw the phone on the cup holder.

“I guess she’s pretty mad about the accident.”

He slammed on the brakes and I flew forward with the seatbelt tightening round my neck.

“Shhh! Fuck! She could have heard you! I didn’t hang up the call!”

“I’m sor-.” He slapped his hand across my face and clenched my jaw with his manicured hands. I could taste the cologne in his hand.

“I told you to shut the fuck up right now! God, don’t you listen!” His hand squeezed my cheeks and he shoved me against the door.

I thought of getting out of the car at the traffic light but I just sat there staring out the window.

“…I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. My mom just presses my buttons and she doesn’t know you’re with me.”

He poked my ribs and I squirmed. I smiled at him, foolishly. “I understand.” Still shaken up, I held his hand and stared out the window.

At the party, I met his friends and his friends’ family. Her mom was the nicest drunk lady I’d ever met and she asked me if I had any pot on me.

“Oh darn. Kids nowadays are so good. Don’t tell your mother I asked you for that! I just have arthritis and the meds don’t do anything to me anymore.”

I didn’t want to drink, but peer pressure pushed it. So I had one shot. Then another, and another, and another. I wasn’t drunk but I was somethin’.

“I need to pee. Where’s the restroom?”

“I’ll show you.” He grabbed my hand and led me inside to the guest bathroom in the first floor. He walked into the room with me. “I can’t go if you’re looking.”

“I’ll turn around.” I peed what felt like a gallon.

“Okay. I’m done.” I headed to the patio but he grabbed my hand.

“Let’s go upstairs.” Half drunk, I felt loose and vulnerable. I could hardly walk up the stairs.

“What are we doing here?” He kissed me and grabbed my legs and sat me on the bathroom sink counter. “Don’t worry. Just shhh.”

He grabbed my buckle and I was too weak to say no. I couldn’t resist. My pants were undone. And around my ankles.

“Yellow underwear. My favorite color,” he said with a grin.

“No no. Stop. I don’t want to.” He pulled his pants down revealing himself. It was a scary size.

He flipped me over and I was bent over the counter. “Just relax. You’ll like this.”

I could see his reflection as he buried his face between me. I squirmed and I giggled.

“That tickles like crazy!” I felt goosebumps everywhere and my body was aching of shaking.

“Okay now relax.” He tried to slide in.

“Stop! No. I can’t and I don’t want to. Get away from me.” I pulled up my pants and washed my mouth.

“Why not?”

“I’m not having sex with you. Let alone in a bathroom. You hit me tonight and now you expect to fuck me. I’ll see you downstairs.”

I checked myself in the kitchen mirror, dried off the sweat with a napkin as he walked down the stairs buttoning up.

He kissed me again. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. Let’s just go have a drink,” I said. I sounded like an alcoholic, but in reality, I wasn’t drunk. I kept drinking but I was too mad for it to hit me.

My Blackberry died and I couldn’t text my mom where I was. “Hey I really need to get home. It’s getting really late.”

“You should have told me earlier. I’m really drunk.” His eyes were so glossy, he kept a grip on my thigh, hurting me, like it’s how he wanted to assure me I wasn’t going anywhere. I kept looking around for help, no one saw.

At 3:45am, I said “I need to go home now, if you don’t take me, I am walking home.”

He kisses my ear, “Ok let’s go now. So you can be all mine again.” I became repulsed, I thought I’d puke.

He drove me home holding my hand, he was so sweaty, sticky, and smelling of tequila. He leaned in for a kiss and I kissed him back. I stepped out of the car.

“Hey, can I see you tomorrow?” He asked.

I held the door open, “I’ll be really lucky if I never have to see you again. Take care.” I walked in front of the car looking at him, he looked like he was about to cry. He stared forward, smiled at me, nodded, and drove away. I never saw him again.

#short fiction #poetry #writing

0 notes

zak-kondo · 2 years

Photo

It was going to happen eventually. Still, the mistakes were mine. At my most careless, I got copyright blocked yesterday with my latest video. It's called "A Dance With Madoka Magica," A look and appreciation into what has quickly become one of my most treasured series. The video is still up, however, on Patreon. I will provide a link in the description and comments setion for anyone who wants to see it. It is up for free for anyone to watch. I would hope it will be seen as an appreciation of the television series.

With this copyright block, I figured I'd subvert it and turn this situation into something better perhaps. As a result, I want to talk a little more about Madoka Magica, and the creative process I went through in making that video. I spent a week, ignoring all seasonal anime I was watching almost, immediately after finishing "A Paranoid Analysis Of Oaranoia Agent," and watched Madoka Magica twice. I spent 25 hours on the video. I handpicked 350 clips out of the series that I felt I could work with, and that I felt could be part of the vision I saw for this video.

I was daydreaming the first few days while watching the series. I visualized how the video would look, and did the editing in my head, remembering my ideas and looking forward for when I'd put them together for the video.

What I found in the re-watch is that this anime crushes a lot more. It's mostly because of Homura, and once you know and understand her pain, and why she is the way she is, it all hurts more to see again.

I felt the most connection with Sayaka. Her tragedy of losing herself in her powers, the decline of her romance, and redemption of tears in the the end really moved me and spoke to me.

I often wondered what role Madoka would play in all this. By the end, she become one of the most inspiring and selfess characters I'd ever seen. Within all the hopelessness and darkness of this series, and the brutality of every episode, she shone bright and pulled me out of that misery by the end.

The reason why my video got copyright blocked is because of some of the parts in 2 of the 4 songs I used. Initially, I saw a copyright claim coming, and sure, I'll take that, I've done it before. However, I underestimated how strict on copyright this composer is. There was nothing I could do. The music is irreplaceable to my video. The edits would fall apart, and I had to take a loss on this one. More than anything, this will be a lesson for me to be more careful. It's tragic that it had to happen with this video. They say, if you lose, don't lose the lesson. One of my patrons advised me to do test uploads, which in all my ignorance I didn't even think about doing. That should help for the future.

A Dance With Madoka Magica is the culmination of what the previous videos were building up to; the light at the end of the hundreds of terrible videos I made. Previously, I managed to make "A Paranoid Analysis of Paranoia Agent," and I felt very satisfied with myself with that one. With this, I wanted to do better. I see A Dance With Madoka Magica as the best video I can make up to this point and it is very special to me. Naturally, I would be upset that it won't see the light of day on Youtube, unfortunately. It will be the ghost of my content as my current favorite video.

I spent a few videos before, working on my style, and this felt like the conclusion to this character arc to myself in my life with my work. I picked up on my style by accident. A lot of what I do in my work is accidental, coincidental, and improvised. In this context, my mind of ideas feels like something that if you were to reach into, you'd never find the end. It is a pretty irresponsible way to make content, you could say. Regardless, I'm not getting any younger, and as I grow older, I can feel my mind deteriorating.

I am alone. I don't have an editor, a script writer, or a team of people helping. I do all the work by myself. I want to be an example for aspiring content creators as someone who had nothing, almost no money, no experience, no proffesional equipment, no audience, but kept going. And out of passion and love for my work, I persevered and found a better way.

I'll be honest with you. I cried when I watched my introduction to A Dance With Madoka Magica after the finished product was rendered. I rememered all those terrible videos I made in that moment, how I was barely audible, my embarassing plot summaries, how I got so many things wrong. That is why this video is special to me. Still, I don't know where I am going now with my content. The next video will take a while, and will be much more challenging than anythign else I've done. I will do my best to make sure it doesn't get copyright blocked, which shouldn't be too difficult since it's a much older work that doesn't get talked about much here where I live.

For the first few days, I could not figure out what to say about Madoka Magica. The script was one of the last parts I did. A lost my way with my own advice. They say that a series can be talked to death with no more room for discussion; that all that can be said has been said. That's false. There will always be new interpretations by new individuals. Talking about an anime is much more than just the plot and the characters. Viewers can relate, and talk about how it impacted their own lives. Viewers will always find new interpretations to say something new about a work.

My style has become this amv, analysis type of hybrid. I even stopped talking about whether or not a series is good. I've taken more of an approach to appreciate, provide commentary and celebrate a work rather than just a review. My edits are how I see the series in my head. I don't want to just put in long random clips, I want to do my best to make every clip have a purpose. In this video, I open with a minute and a half sort of visual storytelling of the series. There is attention to detail in every second of this video. An example, there is a one second moment with Mami where I used like 17 edits. It's where she's spinning and attacking the monsters. I used several cuts to black between it, because I wanted to make the edits feel as if they were dancing with the music. That is why I called the video A Dance With Madoka Magica. Cutting to black is something that just became part of my style recently with my videos. It helps me introduce climactic moments with the songs and clips. Timing my edits with the music and what I say is curcial, and I often push my laptop and video editor to the edge zooming in near to max to place the clips as precisely as I can. With this intro, I wanted to visually tell the entire story of the series. I made it in a way for people who have already watched it to understand, without giving anything important away. I make content for people who have and have not watched the anime I choose. I challenge myself to find a way to talk about a work this way. That's why in my second most successful video "The Brutality of Space runaway Ideon," i left out the ending and some other major parts of the series. And yes, I am considering remaking many of my older videos, "Lecture: The politics of Yang Wen-li," in particular.

Also, I try to make every video expressive in the style of the series, keeping the types of feelings and emotions it has in mind. That's why I tried using the emotions of mystery in Steinsgate, melancholy in a Return to millenium actress and Violet Evergarden, Absurdity in A Paranoid analysis of Paranoia agent, and Beauty, Hope, and theater with A Dance with Madoka Magica.

With all this said, if you want to keep up with my all of my content, just follow my Anilist account. I update with what I watch live, and make lots of commentary on what I am watching. There some reviews that are exclusive to Anilist and My Anime List that I don't think I'll have time for to make a video. Recently, I did a review Legend of the Galactic Heroes, Die Neue these, and Estab Life: A Great Escape. Sometimes, I'll stream on twitch also, though usually late in the middle of the night.

I'll be gone for while, as I want to immediately start on my next project now, and it's on a longer series. Look out for my new video, which will be titled, "VICTORY."

Thank you for listening.

After watching the original Mobile Suit Gundam, Ideon, Zeta, ZZ, and Char's Counterattack, next came Victory Gundam. I wondered how Tomino and the staff would approach this, seeing as though they'd have to bring something new to the table. I was not dissapointed, and impressed with the amount of fresh ideas that were poured in. This is the culmination of his work up to this point, as it follows a similar story behind a prodigy pilot and is a critique of war as in the original, has some comedic moments that reminded me of ZZ, and mystery as in Ideon.

Taking place several centuries after Char's Counterattack, the Earth Federation is now under attack by the newly emerging Zanscare Empire. They use old execution techinques, such as the guillotine, to send a message of fear into the public, and want to take over space. Their religious leader is not a bad person, though others in the upper crust of leadership have different intentions and use for her. Also leading them among the ace pilots if Chronicle Asher, who despises the corruption of the Earth, and though he is part of this wicked Empire, his motivations are for the best of mankind.

Uso Ewin is the young protagonist, who finds himself in the beginning forced into the war, and becomes Chronicle's rival as a result. Uso himself stands out on his own compared to previous Tomino protagonists, such as Amuro, Cosmo, Kamille, and Judau. As the others, he is critical of war, and also critical of himself. The war in Uso's head feels more brutal than the war on the battlefield at times. One of Uso's greatest strengths, is his improvisational and unorthodox style of combat. It is amusing and fascinating to see how creative he gets with the Victory Gundam, and resorts to many briliant strategies that often perplex his opponents. It's a breath of fresh air that deviated from keeping the fighting repetetive and predictable compared to the earlier works.

The large cast of characters grow to love each other, and struggle together to defeat the empire. One by one, they begin to take up the Gundam. Shakti is Uso's childhood friend, and often worries not just about the war, but about Uso as well. She sees the effect war has on him, and worries that he will be consumed by it and lose himself.

Uso becomes the hope against the empire. The adults, as shameless and useless as they are, are self aware that mere child is fighting the strong fight for them. As Uso struggles, the war continues to expand with all sorts of wonderful new ideas, that make Victory great and unique on its own. By the end, I placed it in my current top 5. There is also something else that Victory Gundam does that makes it it's own. It's what I have not mentioned yet. It's own unique interpretation of something Tomino is known for doing in his work...

0 notes

ithinkilikeit-reactions · 2 years

Text

My Top 15 Boygroup/Solo Songs (2021)

Remember guys, this is just my personal list. Let me know what yours are! Love sharing music with eachother etc so let’s all just have fun.

TOP 15

1. Beautiful Beautiful - ONF (ONF:MY NAME) April 28th

This is truly no surprise. Anyone who has followed me for a little while knows the way I feel about ONF and their music. As far as ONF goes, this is their best title track yet. It’s fun, upbeat and encouraging. It’s such a hopeful song and something very needed in 2021. The acapella and harmonies throughout the song make it unique and have added to the reasons this is my favorite songs/albums of 2021. The repackage as well is absolutely genius with songs that connect with eachother like The Realist and The Dreamer. Not to mention the fun pre-release My Name. I can’t imagine the next 1,5 years without new ONF music but I truly will be sad.

2. Nerves - DPR Ian (Moodswings in This Order) March 12

Not really Kpop but it’s here. DPR Ian made his long awaited solo debut and holy shit. This album is the most raw, emotional thing I have ever listened too. Every song on the album is so well done, but Nerves is probably my favorite. The raw emotion and the sound of Ian’s voice cracking at his words. It hits my soul. He’s also just so incredibly open with his mental issues and he really let his feelings out in this album. Not to mention the visuals with the album are stunning. Honourable mentions: Welcome to the show Dope Lovers Scaredy Cat He said he’s working on another one and I can’t wait, like really can’t wait.

3. Moonshot - N.Flying (Man on the Moon) June 7th

I also don’t think this is a surprise. N.Flying finally got their first full album and I just think it took entirely too long for them to have one. But it totally didn’t disappoint. I have an emotional attachement to N.Flying and for them to release such an empowering song when I really needed it, meant alot. N.Flying always hit and their other song from this year Sober almost made this list, but I decided to put in Moonshot because it resonates a little more. Other songs on this album I recommend are: Comma, Flashback Blue Scene I even ordered both versions of this album to support them. I also recommend watching their process of recording this album, it gave a lot of perspective.

4. 0x1=Lovesong - TXT (ft. Seori) (The Chaos Chapter: Fight or Escape) August 17th

Now, I only really got into TXT this year. It majorly has to do with their change in sound. I love the rock elements and the feeling this song gave me. It gave me goosebumps the first time I listened to it. Sadly, the rest of the album wasn’t for me but Lovesong made up for all of that. I listen to this song soooo often, I even enjoy the remix with pH-1 and Woodie Gochild it’s just sooooo good. I hope they keep up this sound, like they did LO$ER=LO♥ER. This music video is also my favorite of theirs, the colors, the found family feeling. Truly amazing.

5. Paranoia - Kang Daniel (Yellow) February 16th

Daniel is also an artist I got more into this year, mainly because of Paranoia. Paranoia was a great choice for pre-release and this song gave me goosebumps. The visuals with it, the hard work Daniel put into it, he deserves the recognition. The theme is so dark but so honest to how he feels and it just hits so hard. Not to mention the song is just so good and he looked absolutely stunning. I’m not above superficial reasons lmao. Antidote and Save U (ft. Wonstein) are other amazing songs on this album.

6. Popping! - ONF (Summer Popup Album) August 9th

Shouldn’t be surprised this is here either. ONF really outdid themselves this year. They worked so incredibly hard and this album shows it. They went through alot of trials this album as well but they worked through it and dropped my favorite summer song possibly ever. Summer Shape Dry Ice Summer Poem are amazing songs on this album, totally worth checking out. Please do, they worked so hard. I guarantee at least one song will make you smile.

7. Hula Hoops (ft. Hwasa, Beenzino) - DPR Live (Iite Cool) July 23rd

DPR Live, sir where do I start. DPR dropped this album with the notion that they just wanted to have fun and have fun they did. This album is fun and lighthearted, just what everyone needed in this last year. The whole album is a fun party and the DPR crew worked so hard for this. Listen to this album for a fun time, I recommend: Yellow Cab Summer Tights Boom (ft. DPR Ian) All fun songs with totally different vibes. Music videos are perfect too.

8. Cinema - CIX (`HELLO' Chapter Ø. Hello, Strange Dream) February 2nd

I’ve mentioned this song alot on my blog, Cinema feels like a warm hug. The best way I can describe this song is, going on your first date to the movies and being too shy to even look at eachother and going in for your very first kiss. Just such a wholesome song. I listen to it for comfort and watch CIX’s content for comfort as well. Stairway to heaven and Young are great songs on this album, I highly recommend. I also have gotten into CIX wayy more this year and to say I adore them is an understatement.

9. Do or Not - Pentagon (Love or Take) March 15

Pentagon and their amazing songs. Look songs like this tickle that special part in my brain. Do or Not is the perfect song, it’s fun and colorful while not being overbaring. All members got their moment to shine and it’s just so good!!! 1+1 Sing-a-song and Baby I love you are great songs on the album. The album is also just so cute, the whole design of it even. Can’t wait for them to come back.

10. Advice - Taemin (Advice) May 18

It’s not a list without something SHINee related and low and behold here it is. The piano in Advice is really what does it for me, not to mention Taemin’s styling to be totally honest. I loved everything about this video. It’s the clean white background while he’s covered in paint and then the other way around. Sad Kids and If I could tell you (ft. Taeyeon) are beautiful songs that show Taemin’s artistry.

11. Inside Out - Nu’est (Romanticize) April 19th

Nu’est have become one of my favorite groups of all time. I love that their songs are so lowkey and they aren’t in your face. They’re calm and relaxed and just very good like background music. I love Inside Out a lot as the concept really sat with me, not to mention the vocals and visuals that came into play. Not to mention every member got a solo this album: here is Aron’s because I’m so biased: I’m Not . Another good song on the album is Black. Shoutout to Aron for climbing into my ult list as well.

12. Outsider - BtoB (4U: Outside) August 30th

BtoB had a comeback and I am the happiest person ever. Anyone who has followed me for a few years will know my connection to BtoB and I missed them. Outsider follows that jazzy vibe they’ve always had and emphasized it. Changsub and Eunkwang’s vocals are truly magical and the music video is so insanely fun. My baby Peniel absolutely dominated his rap, especially with the adlibs. Can’t Breathe and Traveler are my favorite b-sides.

13. Teardrop - SF9 (Turn Over) July 5

Runway song of the year, ass shaking music but make it high fashion. Not to mention the choreo. Icons and icons only, this being their comeback after Kingdom too. SF9 forever not getting the attention they deserve. Ughh I love them so much. Love Again, Believer and Off My Mind are amazing b-sides I highly recommend. I also recommend watching every Hwiyoung fancam of Teardrop that you can. You know for clean skin. Here is a playlist where you can do that

14. All In - DKB (the dice is cast) March 30th

DKB, my sons. They dropped this absolute banger. It gives me old kpop, like 2013 - 2015. DKB are so well developed already, sound wise and choreography. They are so impeccable. I really loved watching them grow from their last comebacks. I hope that with Brave Girls’ recent success that people will check out their little brothers. Anyways, I recommend Flower Less and Real Love off of the album. Please show DKB a lot of love!

15. Atlantis - SHINee (Atlantis) April 12th

Okay it was a toss up between ‘Don’t call me’ and this, but I picked this because it gave me more the authentic SHINee sound. I loved the music video and all the fun little details in it. Also this isn’t a list without SHINee, it’s not valid if they aren’t on it. Body Rhythm, CØDE and Kiss Kiss are my favorite songs on the album but Body Rhythm takes the cake, never have I heard a more wavy song.

Favorite debuts

Kingdom ‘Excalibur’ February 17th

Kingdom really got me this year. Their music is absolutely impeccable, the boys are amazing, they’re concept is insane and I love it. I found them to be entirely unique even in dynamic and they have made one of my favorite songs of all time Night Air (Acoustic Version) I can’t wait to see where their concept takes them, because it’s just so interesting.

Mirae ‘Killa’ March 17th

Mirae are another one of my favorite discoveries. DSP Media sucks, but their groups don’t. This song reminded me of NCT 127′s Superhuman and I think that’s why I enjoyed it so much. The futuristic vibe to the video and everything also really tickled my pickle. Not to mention I also just adore their content on their channel, it’s just so fun and comforting.

D.O ‘Rose’ July 26th

Now, the long awaited solo debut of D.O. This was right up my alley, the acoustic guitars and the comforting lyrics just hit me in the feels. I’m so sad he didn’t promote. This album was also just impeccable and managed to make me absolutely sob my heart out to one specific song: Dad. I hope D.O has more solos in the future because I just adore his voice so much.

#kpop #onf #dpr #d.o #shinee #sf9 #txt #n.flying

37 notes · View notes

neonnoir-ao3 · 3 years

Text

Some Words of Comfort.

Recently, I’ve seen a lot of people (especially those who have read spoilers/are actively searching for leaked content) lament about their future reactions to the deaths of our beloved characters in-game.

We all knew this was inevitable, and that them living was not an option for the plot of the game, but the time has finally come to face it head-on.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

I understand that someone outside this community might be like “it’s just a game”, but I know it’s way more than that to many: the concept of a female villain that, to many, can be seen as sympathizable and even endearing, is a bit of a new concept— especially on such a large scale as this instance.

In addition, Lady Dimitrescu and her daughters have become a bit of a comfort item for some (with an emphasis on sapphics/wlw, from what I’ve seen personally) in the form of a large, protective, and caring hypothetical partner, or even just a maternal character one can appreciate simply because of her love for her children. Regardless, most of us are here due to some desire for comfort.

Take my own story with this community, for example:

(tws for death, covid, suicide, and general medical emergencies)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Frankly, 2020 and the beginning of 2021 have ruined me. I lost two men who were the only two positive father figures I’ve ever had. The last of the two tested positive for covid and deteriorated within days, to the point where less than a week after testing positive, my family was making the choice to pull the plug. This all occurred days before Christmas and my birthday. On the first day of the spring semester, having not had the time to properly mourn my grandfather, my mother is in the ER for multiple days with an internal infection that doctors said likely would have turned septic if she had waited to come in any longer. This led to three surgeries throughout the next few months. (Oh, and one of my relatives quite literally dropped dead on that first day of class, too). I am also estranged from one of my parents, and they have been trying to contact my family: they have multiple untreated mental illnesses (severe NPD, bipolar, and more) and they are extremely aggressive in that state of mind and they are agitated extremely easily. That only brings more stress, along with resurfacing trauma and related emotions. Every moment of every day has been a struggle. So much so that I failed half of my classes voluntarily simply because I couldn't do them anymore.

To be perfectly honest with you, I didn’t expect to be here right now. I expected that the pain of simply moving forward would have finally overridden my fears of death and that I would have already ended my suffering by now.

Then, in late January, I saw something trending on Twitter. About a new female villain in an upcoming horror game. And it went from there.

As cheesy as it sounds, this fandom and its content seriously saved my life. In the darkest of days, I’ve come to this tag for comfort. The oddest way I found said comfort was through those who were attracted to Alcina aesthetically. I have extremely long-term trauma related to being bullied and being the victim of a hybrid catfishing/'Oreo Game' on early social media by peers in middle school to the point where I do not think of myself as being able to be loved, let alone being worthy of it. Finding this community not only provided a great form of escapism (and opened a door into a fantasy world where I could imagine my own person vampire milf gf), but also gained a little bit of self-esteem (as many of you know, I share a lot of visual qualities with Alcina. -yes, I'm still kinda freaked out about it-) via seeing people where features/attributes like mine were actively praised and desired rather than insulted and pushed away like they have been until now.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

(okay sorry that kinda turned into a trauma dump but I needed to emphasize the fact that this community has seriously helped me during a really dark point in my life, and I know I can't be the only one with that sort of experience)

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

What I’m trying to get across here is that, like many others, this community and its content have been comforting and therapeutic, and it really is more than just a game to us. It’s entertaining and even a form of escapism in these extremely trying times. We all have some degree of PTSD from surviving a literal mass plague— and this is something we're using as a method of coping. a distraction. a coping mechanism.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With that being said, here are some ways to hopefully assist in lessening the emotional stress:

(please note that I am not a mental health professional and these may not be healthy coping mechanisms for everyone.)

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Understand that it’s just a game.

I know, this sounds completely counterintuitive, but it’s more or less about keeping your level of immersion down. Personally, I can’t do scary shit in general: I have to listen to music on low volume while watching dark ARG vids at night or when I’m alone because I get too into it, and then my paranoia kicks in. Sometimes just pausing for a moment and grounding yourself/reminding yourself that this is a video game: a jumble of code and 3D rendering that doesn’t have to affect your views/headcanons if you don’t want it to. Did your favorite character just get slaughtered? Nope, that 3D rendering of them just got un-alived, that’s all.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Ignorance is Bliss/We are the Captain Now

Simple: Capcom can’t even pronounce Dimitrescu right, or even acknowledge the way it’s correctly said in Romanian culture itself. How can you trust them to give you a perfect canon? That’s the thing: with that logic, you can’t. What they say is true means little (if anything, for that matter) to your headcanons and preexisting ideas of the Dimitrescus. In short: fuck ‘em.

I’m currently seeking a double major in pop culture, and one of the cool things I’ve learned so far is affirmational vs transformational fandom. Affirmational is where official canon is seen as the law of the land, and followed to a T. Transformational is seen as much more inviting for audiences, allowing them to bend canon as they wish to fit their own creations. This fandom is obviously transformational, so take that game canon, rip it up, and get back to whatever you were doing.

Capcom’s canon is not the end-all, be-all. Far from it, actually.

Want to still acknowledge canon? Godmod your way out of it.

Character A died? It’d be a shame if they emerged from the rubble they 'died in' a few hours later, very beaten but alive nonetheless... how awful would it be if they sulked away, nursed their wounds, and continued to live... (/s)

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Ignore it completely.

Remember: give it time. Once the game drops, there w be a wave of grief, but eventually, we as a community will recover, and get back to business as usual. Think about it like the in any way. Stay with the version in your head that makes you happy.

Get Creative!

If you're into creating fanart, writing fics, or even just posting a list of headcanons, take some advice from the late Carrie Fisher: "Take your broken heart, and make it into art". Make the fluff oneshot of your dreams! Draw the fanart you've been wanting to! dump lighthearted headcanons into the tags! Not only will it cheer you up, but sharing it with the community will spread the love!

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

I know a lot of people are struggling with this emotionally (especially with the pandemic making entertainment like this even more important sources of escapism and coping mechanisms) and I hope that, at the very least, I was able to help comfort one person who reads this.

Remember: give it time. Once the game drops, there will be a wave of grief, but eventually, we as a community will recover, and get back to business as usual. Think about it like the flowers that bloom after major wildfires: after a period of loss, some beautiful can still come of it.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

💙

#tall vampire lady #lady alcina #lady dimitrescu #daniela dimitrescu #castle dimitrescu #alcina dimitrescu #dimitrescu daughters #dimitrescu family #dimitrescu sisters #cassandra dimitrescu #countess dimitrescu #house dimitrescu #resident evil #re: village #resident evil village #resident evil: village

165 notes · View notes

humbertoblogs · 2 years

Text

Freshman Year Part I - 2021 version

But what about the rest? The actual life in college, where were the warnings for that, and warnings for the people we’d come across, who abused, neglected, only to toss us aside when done with us.

"Please. I'm scared to drive right now it's so dark outside," he slurred. "And I had too much to drink." He burped.

"I am at home. And you already know I don't have a car. Maybe you shouldn't even be going out this late if you don't have anyone to go get you."

"Well. Can you stay on the phone with me while I drive? I'm so scared. I think someone is following me." The paranoia was obvious, he was also high.

"Fine. Just put me on speaker so at least you don't have to hold the phone. And wash your face with cold water."

"I ran a yellow light and a huge pick up truck t-boned me. I can hardly talk but I'll text you. The doc is coming."

"Were you drunk?" I asked instantly. I could tell it upset him.

I dressed with blue pants and a teal button shirt and some new Calvin Klein underwear some other guy bought me because he wanted to see me in them, which he mentioned turned him on.

"I'll pick you up in 10 minutes," he said. He sounded calm, not too excited.

My parents were out having dinner so I just told them I'd be back later. Like, way later.

He pulled up in the new Honda Accord Coupe his parents bought for him since he wrecked his BMW.

"Hi." I said as I got into the car slowly.

He grabbed my neck and kissed me aggressively and put his hand around my shoulder to bring me closer. Then he hugged me tightly.

"Hi." He replied. “I missed you so much.”

“The stitches oh my god, did they heal? I’m sorry.” He laughed.

“Yes they’re all healed.” His face looked back to normal, no swollen eye socket, his eyebrow healed up really nicely.

We drove away and his phone rang as soon as we took off.

“Hello....” His tone went back to the dark one I thought he put away, I guess it’s reserved to thoses who annoy him.

"Okay mom. I got it. I won't come home too late I know. I'm not gonna drink tonight. Okay! Stop talking to me like I'm in high school! I'm 22 years old! No! 11 p.m.? Are you insane? UGH. I don't wanna have this conversation bye!"

He was red and furious. I sat there quietly. "Why does she want you home so early?"

"Cuz I just got this car today and she doesn't want me to crash it." He grabbed my hand tightly. It hurt.

His phone rang again.

"I told you I was going to Ruby's party, it's her birthday tonight. It's at her house. I'll call you later." He threw the phone on the cup holder.

"I guess she's pretty mad about the accident."

He slammed on the brakes and I flew forward with the seatbelt tightening round my neck.

"Shhh! Fuck! She could have heard you! I didn't hang up the call!"

"I'm sor-." He slapped his hand across my face and clenched my jaw with his manicured hands. I could taste the cologne in his hand.

"I told you to shut the fuck up right now! God, don't you listen!" His hand squeezed my cheeks and he shoved me against the door.

I thought of getting out of the car at the traffic light but I just sat there staring out the window.

"...I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. My mom just presses my buttons and she doesn't know you're with me."

He poked my ribs and I squirmed. I smiled at him, foolishly. "I understand." Still shaken up, I held his hand and stared out the window.

At the party, I met his friends and his friends' family. Her mom was the nicest drunk lady I'd ever met and she asked me if I had any pot on me.

"Oh darn. Kids nowadays are so good. Don't tell your mother I asked you for that! I just have arthritis and the meds don't do anything to me anymore."

I didn't want to drink, but peer pressure pushed it. So I had one shot. Then another, and another, and another. I wasn't drunk but I was somethin'.

"I need to pee. Where's the restroom?"

"I'll show you." He grabbed my hand and led me inside to the guest bathroom in the first floor. He walked into the room with me. "I can't go if you're looking."

"I'll turn around." I peed what felt like a gallon.

"Okay. I'm done." I headed to the patio but he grabbed my hand.

"Let's go upstairs." Half drunk, I felt loose and vulnerable. I could hardly walk up the stairs.

"What are we doing here?" He kissed me and grabbed my legs and sat me on the bathroom sink counter. "Don't worry. Just shhh."

He grabbed my buckle and I was too weak to say no. I couldn't resist. My pants were undone. And around my ankles.

"Yellow underwear. My favorite color," he said with a grin.

"No no. Stop. I don't want to." He pulled his pants down revealing himself. It was a scary size.

He flipped me over and I was bent over the counter. "Just relax. You'll like this."

I could see his reflection as he buried his face between me. I squirmed and I giggled.

"That tickles like crazy!" I felt goosebumps everywhere and my body was aching of shaking.

"Okay now relax." He tried to slide in.

"Stop! No. I can't and I don't want to. Get away from me." I pulled up my pants and washed my mouth.

"Why not?"

"I'm not having sex with you. Let alone in a bathroom. You hit me tonight and now you expect to fuck me. I'll see you downstairs."

I checked myself in the kitchen mirror, dried off the sweat with a napkin as he walked down the stairs buttoning up.

He kissed me again. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay. Let's just go have a drink," I said. I sounded like an alcoholic, but in reality, I wasn't drunk. I kept drinking but I was too mad for it to hit me.

My Blackberry died and I couldn’t text my mom where I was. “Hey I really need to get home. It’s getting really late.”

At 3:45am, I said “I need to go home now, if you don’t take me, I am walking home.”

He kisses my ear, “Ok let’s go now. So you can be all mine again.” I became repulsed, I thought I’d puke.

He drove me home holding my hand, he was so sweaty, sticky, and smelling of tequila. He leaned in for a kiss and I kissed him back. I stepped out of the car.

“Hey, can I see you tomorrow?” He asked.

#humbertoblogs #short story #literature #memoir #gay story #romance #lgbtq literature

8 notes · View notes

k-llama-llama · 4 years

Text

Her Vision

Stray Kids AU: 9th member

Tori x Stray Kids

Tori pitches her concept to the JYP team

A/N: sorry it’s a little late! Please check out my PATREON (patreon.com/kllamallama) for exclusive posts you can’t get anywhere else, as well as lots of other cool benefits!

Requests are OPEN and your feedback is still greatly appreciated!

Masterlist and other Follow Me links in bio!

Tori hugged the laptop to her chest, bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet. There were only a few minutes left until she would go into the meeting room and attempt to pitch her vision to all of the producers, directors, choreographers that JYP had assembled.

She yawned and went to rub her eye, only managing to stop herself when she remembers that she’d actually taken the time to apply makeup today. She was exhausted from their comeback promotions, and everything else that was going on.

Pulling her phone out of her pocket, she found the screen lit up with messages.

Zoey: You’ve got this! Jihyo: Let us know how it goes! Felix: We’ll pick you up after....don’t worry, it’s going to go great! Sumi: You’re going to kill it, so don’t stress. YinYin: When you’re all famous....don’t forget about me. Sara: We’ll go out for food to celebrate, okay?

And then, right at the top, a message sent only two minutes ago.

Chan: Call me if you get a chance.

Tori swallowed, but hit the call button next to his name, holding the phone to her ear. It had been a few weeks since their breakup and argument, and they’d gone back to being agonizingly polite with each other. Tori wasn’t willing to cause problems when they were promoting and kind of just wanted to put things behind her, and Chan, regardless of how he felt about her solo promotions, had avoided saying anything.

She wasn’t sure what she wanted him to say. She still couldn’t tell if his lack of willingness to support her solo activities was because of his actual dislike for it, or because of some sort of paranoia about her leaving the group. Truthfully, she didn’t really care either way. Sure, she was upset that he wasn’t as excited about this as she was, but she didn’t need him to be. Clearly they just weren’t meant to work, and she wasn’t going to drag out her own suffering by trying to get him to come around.

“Tori?” He answered the phone quickly.

“Chan.” She replied. “Is everything okay? Why did you need me to call you?”

“I just....” She could hear him swallow. “Have you had your meeting yet?”

“No, I don’t go in for a few minutes.”

“Oh, okay.”

He was silent for a long moment.

“Look, Chan. If you don’t have anything too important to say I need to go back to stressing about my pitch so if you can-”

“What I wanted to say was....” He hesitated slightly. “I just wanted to wish you good luck.”

“Good luck?” Tori blinked, unsure if she’d heard him correctly.

“Yeah, I....” Chan cleared his throat. “Just, go in their with your vision and don’t back down. It doesn’t matter what they say, okay? This is your song and you know what the concept is supposed to be.”

Tori wasn’t sure how to respond. “I didn’t think you cared about this pitch.”

“It doesn’t matter what I think.” He said quickly. “Just go in there and kill it, okay?”

“Okay.” Tori smiled, even though he couldn’t see her. She glanced at the time - it was only one minute or so until she was supposed to go in. “I should get ready.”

“Right. Well....you’re going to do awesome.” Chan said. “So....good luck. And I’ll talk to you later.”

“Right, bye.” Tori hung up the phone.

She smiled as she put her phone back in her pocket. It didn’t solve all of their problems, but at least it showed that he was trying. And at least it gave her a little bit of a boost of confidence going into this meeting.

“Tori, are you ready?”

She looked up as the staff called her into the room. Swallowing, she tried to hold the laptop more casually in her arms and not looked nervous as she stepped through the door.

There were about eight people, including JYP and the Stray Kids manager, sitting around the table. There was a screen in the background, with a cord set up at the empty chair.

Tori bowed and took her seat, plugging in her laptop.

“Tori, whenever you’re ready to begin, so are we.” JYP said with a smile.

Tori took a deep breath as the screen lit up with her powerpoint presentation.

“Right.” She swallowed, before speaking up. “So for this concept I was thinking that-....”

----time jump----

“You’ve clearly thought this through.” The director was saying, looking over his own notes. “I think we can definitely work with this.”

“My only concern is with the choreography. You mentioned having an ensemble of dancers, and we’d need to set aside time to plan a choreography.” The choreographer told her.

“Oh, I can send you a video.” Tori said quickly, skipping ahead on the slides. “I have a few options that I’m working with right now.”

The choreographer blinked. “Well...we’ll need to think of the backing dancers parts as well.”

Tori shook her head. “I have those too. I had some of my group members work on that with me.”

“You...already have it?”

“I told you, Tori has thoroughly planned out every element of this album.” JYP sat back in his chair, crossing his arms with a smile. “She needs our supports more than anything else.”

“Well...and I have no idea how to direct a music video or release a song.” Tori gave a small smile. “But I’m happy you all like my ideas. I’m happy to listen to your advice.”

“I would like to take my notes and do some of my own research.” The director said. “And follow up in a few weeks once I have a better idea of what type of video we can produce.”

“And please send me those choreography videos, and we can begin to audition dancers.”

“Then it’s settled.” JYP said. “We’ll set a date to get you in the recording studio and record the final version, and follow up to finalize everything else.”

“That’s amazing!” Tori bowed her head. “Thank you all for helping me.”

“It’s our pleasure.” Her manager smiled at her.

“We have some other things to address,” JYP began. “Do you mind?”

“Not at all.” Tori stood quickly, disconnecting her laptop. “I look forward to hearing from all of you.”

She grabbed her things and hurried out of the room, unable to keep the massive grin off her face. The second the door closed behind her, she had her phone out and was dialling Hyunjin’s number.

“How did it go!” He shouted, the second he picked up. “Wait, let me put you on speaker!”

There was the clicking of buttons before she heard anyone else.

“Tori! How did it go?” Seungmin shouted, obviously leaning close to the phone. “Did they like it?”

“What did they say?” Felix’s voice came through.

“They liked my ideas!” Tori exclaimed. “We’re going to meet again soon to finalize things, but they liked the concept.”

“Yes!” Jeongin shouted. “I knew they would love it!”

“You have to tell us everything!” Minho said. “Did they like the choreography?”

“They liked it. I have so much to tell you guys.” Tori beamed, hitting the elevator button.

“Well, we’ll order food to celebrate.” Changbin told her. “I want to know everything that happened.”

“I thought you guys were picking me up.” Tori stepped into the elevator. “But yeah, can we get chicken?”

“Um....yeah we’ll get the food.” Hyunjin said.

Tori frowned. It felt like they weren’t telling her something. But it didn’t really matter, because she was so excited to get home and tell them everything.

“Awesome.” Tori watched the floors descend. “I’ll see you guys when I get home.”

“See you!” They hung up the call.

Tori grinned, putting the phone in her pocket. She felt like she needed to stop and get a smoothie to celebrate. That reminded her about Sara’s text, and she opened their group chat.

Tori: It went well.....but rain check on our date, okay? I’m having dinner with the boys. Sara: Congrats! And enjoy, we’ll have dinner some other time. Sumi: My place, this weekend?

Tori was about to text back to confirm, when the elevator doors opened. She looked up, and almost dropped her phone.

Chan was standing right there, a smoothie in hand.

“Hey.” He said with a small smile.

“Hey.” Tori put her phone back in her pocket. “What are you doing here?”

He held out the smoothie. “It went well, right? So you need a smoothie to celebrate.”

Tori stepped out of the elevator before the doors closed again, taking the smoothie from him. “Thanks.”

He just put his hands in his pocket, nodding towards the door. She followed him out onto the street.

She took a sip of the smoothie. It was mango-pineapple, her favourite, and she couldn’t help but smile.

“How did you know it went well?” She asked quietly.

He shrugged. “I just had a feeling. And I figured that I should bring you a smoothie.”

Tori looked down at the cup in her hand. She recognized it for what it was: a peace offering. And she was very happy to accept it.

“Thanks.” She winked at him. “I appreciate it.”

“I’m glad.” He looked down at his shoes.

Tori gave him a little hip-check. “Come on, we need to get home so we can eat chicken.”

“But I want to know how it went!” Chan insisted.

“Too bad, I’m telling all of you together.” Tori smiled. “Let’s go!”

#stray kids #stray kids au #stray kids imagines #stray kids reactions #stray kids 9th member #female kpop #female!kpop #female member kpop #requests open #au #kpop #imagines #imagine #kpop au #kpop imagines #kpop imagine

299 notes · View notes

hybrid-in-progress · 3 years

Text

9:15pm

Warnings: anxiety; worrying; paranoia; vivid imagination; descriptions of a horror story; frightened character; comfort; one kiss at the end (if there’s any warnings I forgot please let me know and I’ll add them)

A/N: I was feeling particularly low this evening and felt like I needed to write something. 9:15pm is when I felt low and my brain is too tired at the moment to come up with a better title.

What happens to the main character, Alexandria, is something that has happened to me many times. My imagination, as proud of it as I am at times, can sometimes be my own personal hell. I’ve never read anything that deals with this, which has left me feeling really lonely and embarrassed because as people always say, “It’s just in your head”. I did not write this to upset anyone, it was just my way of getting something out that’s been digging a hole in my brain and heart for years now. I am so sorry if this has upset you and I hope you have a good rest of your day. Take care of yourself.

I hope you don’t mind the tags, if you want to be removed let me know: @jarpad24, @natasha-romxnoff, @phoenixhalliwell, @whatafuckingdumbass

Feedback is greatly appreciated!

***

I could faintly hear the music playing from my iPod next to me. I remember turning the volume up higher than usual, since I was the only one in the house and a particular song I liked was playing. What was the song called, again? God, c’mon Andy, it’s one of your favourites!

Madness by Ruelle, that’s it.

As if tuning back into a radio, the music hits harder and louder on my ears and I feel my head swaying with the beat as a ribbon dancer comes to mind. Why is it always a ribbon dancer I imagine when listening to this song?

I look down at the sketchbook in front of me, my hand lying limp on the paper with a pencil between my fingers. What to draw. what to draw, what to draw? My mind comes up with nothing interesting or concrete, only blurred things that I can’t really identify. How am I supposed to draw a blur, huh?

The blurs continue to dance in my head, slowly dragging me back into myself until I don't know where I am anymore. I can feel the bedsheets underneath my crossed legs and I can still hear the music, but it’s all very distant. Too distant.

The blurs have a hold on me now, their shapeless forms gripping at all sides of my brain like dried glue. The view of my bedroom from my seat on the bed has blurred, too, though it’s staying back as if it’s scared of what’s in my head.

My chest tightens and my breathing picks up, and I can feel a very small (barely there) lump beginning to form in my throat. It doesn’t do anything as usual. The lump doesn’t grow or stretch or rise, it just sits there at the hollow of my throat taunting me, tugging my heart gently but with enough pull to notice and irritate.

The sudden urge to cry and ball my eyes out takes over, but no sting comes to my eyes to warrant tears. The lump in my throat doesn’t grow either, but I can feel my chest preparing itself for a sobbing fest. It’s like a pool is overflowing in my ribcage, spilling out over the bones and coursing over my muscles, trying to find a way out.

My mouth is dry. My shoulders are slumped more than usual. I want to cry, I most likely need to. The blurs are still there in my head, floating amongst nothingness and contemplating what form to take. When they finally do decide my heart tightens and my throat goes raw.

‘This is why you should always check under your bed for monsters-’

“-No.” The word comes out in a whisper as I clench my eyes shut. That horrifying story has been in my head for days; I’ve lost sleep over thinking about it!

I suddenly open my eyes again, terrified and half expecting a man with a knife like the one from the story to be peeking his head out from under my bed frame. I squirm at the thought, my wide eyes staring at the edge of the mattress expecting a jump scare like in the movies or video games.

‘It’s there. It’s there. It’s there.’

I shake my head slightly to get rid of the thoughts, bringing my hands up to my chest and cradling them for comfort.

‘It’s under the bed. It’s under the bed. It’s under the bed.’

“There’s nothing there.” I tell myself, my toes curling and tucking underneath my knees, “There’s nothing there.”

The lump in my throat has tripled in size now and I can feel it trying to push its way into my mouth. I let out a high pitched whine instead, my eyes narrowing to slits and never leaving the edge of the bed. My spine has gone cold and the back of my neck feels unbelievably exposed, making my bring my hands there to cover the skin. I turn my head to look over my shoulder and see if the man under my bed is behind me, waiting for me.

He’s not there. I whip my head back around to see if he’s taken his chance to reveal himself in front of me, but he’s not there either. He’s nowhere.

“Nothing is under your bed, Andy.” I tell myself, subconsciously rocking myself back and forth, “You’ve been in the house all day, there’s no way a fully grown man could break in and hide under your bed without you knowing. There’s nothing there.”

‘Are you sure?’

Another squeal leaves my lips and I curl in on myself even more, falling back against the pillows. I bring my shoulders up to my jaw to protect my neck, which feels like it’s about to collapse. My chest is heaving and forcing huffs and gasps out of my mouth, the occasional squirm and whine escaping with them.

“You’re ok. You’re ok. You’re ok. You’re fine. You’re ok. You’re fine.”

My attempt at self comfort does nothing but swell the lump in my throat, forcing out another choked whimper. I’m pushing myself against the hard wooden headboard, trying to distance myself from the imaginary man under the bed.

“Andy?” says a voice.

I’m snapped out of my stare towards the edge of the bed and I look towards the bedroom door, where Desmond stands with his hand on the door handle. He looks worried, but not surprised.

“Dez...” I say, the word coming out choked.

Without hesitation he’s making his way over to me. He’s not coming at lightening speed, which I’m grateful for, but he’s not slow either. He approaches the bed at the same speed you’d approach an animal that was greatly hurt; cautious but determined and steady.

My eyes flicker down to the edge of the bed, waiting for a hand to lurch out from underneath and grasp Desmond’s ankle. But it doesn’t happen. Instead, Desmond slowly and carefully crawls onto the bed and over to me, reaching out one of his hands as a silent question,

Can I touch you?

As an answer, I reach out both my arms like a child and instantly Desmond is falling into them, wrapping his own around my shoulders as he takes his place against the headboard next to me. I bury the side of my face into his shirt, clenching my eyes shut and letting tears fall. My cheeks are already a little wet but I don't care.

A sob wracks my body and I cling to Desmond for dear life, trying my hardest to ground myself with the feeling of his arms around me, of the feel of his shirt in my fists, of the smell of him. He smells like his car, of the rain outside, and of something else which I’ve never been able to place but has always only come from him.

We lay there like that for what feels like hours. My knees tucked up to my chest, my entire body shaking with sobs, and Desmond just sitting next to me, holding me as steady as a rock but still feeling as soft as a pillow. His heartbeat thrums against my ear from under his clothes, reaching out to me like a little guardian inside a hero.

‘My hero. My guardian.’

Finally, the sobs turn into small gasps of breath, hiccups almost, and I feel my own heart calm down inside my ribcage, the overflowing pool being reined under control again. I let out a long sigh, feeling my entire body relax against Desmond’s.

We sit in silence for a few minutes more, Desmond kissing my head and rubbing my back soothingly. The gesture almost restarts the tears.

“Do you want a drink?” Desmond asks.

My immediate thought is yes, but that would mean leaving the bed and the position that we’re in. I don’t want to leave this, just yet. So, I shake my head no.

“In a bit.” I whisper, my voice not having the strength to speak any louder.

“Okay... Do you want to talk about it?”

‘It’s so stupid.’

The lump in my throat, which has gradually been going down, decides to jump, threatening to rise again. I swallow harshly in an attempt to bury it.

“It’s so stupid.” I rasp out, leaning my head into Desmond's chest even more, if that’s even possible.

“It can't be stupid if it’s got you like this.” Desmond says, “Did you see another idiot on the internet again? Because those stupid shit-heads can make anyone cry at how hopeless they are.”

That gets a chuckle out of me, one that has my bones feeling like jelly with how tired I am.

“Seriously, though, what is it Alexandria?”

“... I heard a stupid story a couple days ago... it was in an art tik tok I think... about how you should always look under your bed for monsters. It was about a woman who dropped her phone, then when she picked it up she saw a man under her bed, but he didn’t see her. She said to the person on the phone she was gonna take a shower, then hung up and went to the bathroom. She turned the shower on and then climbed out the window, then she called the police. When the cops arrived and arrested the guy inside her house, one of them came over to her and said that the guy was standing outside her bathroom door with a knife, waiting for her...”

I take a shuddering breath, a silent tear gliding down my cheek. Desmond doesn’t say anything, just waits silently for me to continue while holding me tight, his thumb rubbing up and down on my arm.

“... That story’s been stuck in my head the past couple days since I saw it. Every time I’ve gone to the bathroom, whether you’re here or not, I’ve been terrified of seeing someone just standing outside the door waiting for me, or even around the corner. I’ve barely been able to sleep, always wondering or even expecting something to come out from under the bed to grab me. It’s so scary and it’s so stupid because it’s just a story but...”

I can’t continue to talk because the lump in my throat has returned. Sensing my discomfort, Desmond tightens his hold around me and pulls me into his chest, his lips pressing into the top of my head. Releasing his shirt, I grab one his hands in mine and bring it up to my chest, feeling comforted by the feeling of his fingers in mine and against the skin where my chest and neck meet.

A few moments of silence pass before Desmond speaks,

“You’re alright, Darling, I’ve got you. I’m here. You’re alright. Nothing can hurt you while I’m here. Besides, if any idiot did decide to break into our house you’d send them flying out the window like the spiders we find in summer.”

Once again I chuckle, my body jostling with Desmond’s. It’s true that every spider we find in this house, especially in the summer, either goes flying out the window or gets sucked up the vacuum cleaner if I see it. And those are only the lucky ones.

“And nothing can even fit under our bed in the first place.” Desmond adds, earning yet another chuckle, a louder one this time.

There truly is no room under the bed for anything, given with how many boxes there are filled with either family pictures, family nick-naks from holidays, a few Christmas decorations and some other stuff that can just be labelled ‘junk we refuse to throw out’.��

“Nothing is going to hurt you, my Darling.” Desmond says, planting another kiss atop my head, “Nothing is strong enough to.”

“Thank you, Desmond.” I say, tilting my head up to to meet his beautiful eyes, “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

He cranes his head down to kiss the spot between my eyes, before looking at me with a smile and a determined knowledge gleaming in his eyes.

“You’d survive.” He says, before finally leaning down and connecting our lips in a soft kiss.

#writing #story writing #one-shot #original characters #anxiety #fear #vivid imagination #romance

12 notes · View notes

lynxalon · 3 years

Note

Lynx!!! I arrive with asks to help! I'm still working on responding to your ask! :D We have a lot of similarities in music taste, I think!! Sending safety vibes!!! I really hope that person doesn't bother you,, For dsmp asks, would you like to talk about bench trio and their respective love languages?

I'm safe dw, it's just an icky situation and my paranoia has Not been great lately but OwO is me

Benchtrio love languages! I was kinda obsessed when I first found out about love languages, cause for once I could explain to people how I specifically felt loved, and I could also finally understand why what I did to show love didn't make Others feel loved. So, you have the classic five love languages: Words of affirmation, gift giving/receiving, physical touch, quality time, and acts of service. There are also nontraditional ones, which are niche and very person-specific but that don't quite fit into on of the classic five. My best comparison would be a uquiz I once took where someone assigned people niche love languages like remembering a person's order. What I'm going to do it talk about the classic love languages in order of Most to Least effecting, and then assign niche love languages to them that they've either portrayed or just have the vibes of lmao

Ranboo:

- Acts of service

- Gift giving/recieving

- Quality time

- Words of affirmation

- Physical touch

Starting off! Ranboo! I'm starting with him because I've been watching his streams everyday since early Feb, so I've had time to understand his vibes and just how he interacts with people. His main seems to be acts of service, very closely following by gift giving. He's often seen doing things for others, even going as far as grinding resources to Potentially do things for others. (I say others but. We know who I'm mainly talking about lmao...) He seems less concerned with receiving, and seems content to give out. Chances are the way he Shows love isn't the way he Feels loved. Anyways, his first two tie into each other really well, which is really interesting because tbh most have One main one that they show love with and feel loved with (mine is quality time, paired with a niche love language I like to call pestering). Next is quality time and words of affirmation. The first two were definitely how he showed love, but these two seem to be how he Feels loved. From him hanging out Tubbo, and us seeing how Tubbo's fixed sleep schedule affects Ranboo, it's clear that he very much enjoys spending time with people he cares about. (And by seeing how if affects him I mean. We have heard the dude bring up Tubbo so much the last couple of days, absolutely unprompted, like he talks more about Tubbo than I think about him which kinda says something cause my current hyperfixation is my fave streamers so. Huh.) Words of affirmation is in part tied with the last, cause sometimes people compliment him or something and mans really just goes 😮😄 Which, super endearing, hearing him smiling after Tubbo compliments him (which Tubbo does in a /j way but also a /hj way which is so funny to me). Lastly is physical touch, and tbh this is at the bottom cause we can't quite gauge if he's a touchy person and I don't think he is very touchy only cause the other four really stand front and center for him lmao. The niche love language I'd assign Ranboo? Pestering. I'm not biased, I'm just right OwO The way he pestered and messed with Tubbo saying he had the best mcc win rate? Yeah, that's something I'd do.

So, halfway through I lost motivation and confidence so I'll just be putting what I think Tubbo's and Tommy's are, cause I just do not have the energy to go as in depth as I would like! Rip to me lmao 😔😂 I hope the rest is still interesting though UwU

Tubbo:

- Quality time

- Acts of service

- Gift giving/receiving

- Words of affirmation

- Physical touch

So, quick run down! Tubbo's main is quality time! Unlike Ranboo, his first two aren't too terribly close. He enjoys spending lots of time with people, and I definitely understand as my main is quality time as well. One of the main examples of this I would point out would actually be streaming! Homeboy streams A Lot, like a lot a lot, to the point where it's a common inside joke that if you leave a Tubbo stream (especially alt) and come back later, he'll still be there. One of the main reasons I want to start streaming is so I can hang out and share stuff with others, cause I think there's something suuuper cool about playing games and sharing those experiences with others. Like, I remember watching Jacksepticeye play Life Is Strange, or Guardians (personal fave). It was like watching a friend play, which I really needed at the time. It was quality time without the anxiety of Being There completely. And Tubbo loves streaming, and has said it lots of times, and I think that it's really great ^^ Now, acts of service is one I think has definitely moved Up in the order, because of Ranboo specifically. Hear me out, hut something doing something for you because they want to can actually be so Loving and Tender... And no, I'm not jealous... But, Ranboo! Ranboo likes doing things for people he cares about and I think that for Tubbo it's a way he feels loved, and knows he's cared about. Gift giving and receiving was originally in second place, but has since went down one. I think this was used to be much more prominent, and I definitely think it still holds the same weight and value as it did before, but now it's vaguely overshadowed by acts of service. Fella enjoys receiving things, but also seems to be constantly getting people things (or similarly, influencing someone to get something that he thinks they definitely should have. lol). Words of affirmation is definitely a nice surprise kinda situation. Like, being complimented or someone being proud of him is Very pog. And, I, for one, am very proud of my streamer 😄 Sometimes I really be like. Head full... Tubbo. Lmao 😂😂😂 Anyways, he doesn't necessarily seem adverse to physical touch, it just seems like it's less important that the rest. I do think that for him he'd be more physically affectionate with someone who mains that (dunno how else to put it lmao) cause he wants them to feel loved in a way that makes sense to them! Hope that all makes sense! And tbh, I lied! I'm a liar! I fr thought I wouldn't open my big mouth and just gush about this some more but man. I really proved myself wrong OwO Also, I assign Tubbo the odd niche love language of sharing videos about things he enjoys as a way of affection.

Tommy:

- Physical touch

- Words of affirmation

- Quality time

- Acts of service

- Gift giving/receiving

Tommy is very interesting! Cause, the first is a little bit ahead of the rest, but all of these are very close together in value and importance. I haven't been able to watch as much from Tommy, so all of this will be very loose. The first seems most common as a way he shows love, and I think it's also how he feels loved. My reason for this, dude just trust me 😂 Words of affirmation for my boy plz, he is so loving and I just really love him. He reminds me of that meme where the landlord's like 'I don't allow pets' and the person sends a pic of their pet and the landlord's like 'Ok I'll allow him because he looks very polite' That is literally every inniter, anyone who watches Tommy, they're like 'I'll allow him because he looks very polite'. Is he polite? Eh maybe lmao. Also mans likes spending time with friends. Understandable. Likes hanging out doing silly stuff. People help him with things sometimes and that is Nice. Gifts are also neat but he's not a very material person is he. Hmm. I assign his niche love language to be sending pics of animals. Just think it fits him lmao. He likes cows and such a little too much, people who like cows often send lots of pics of animals, I know from experience OwO

This was fun to answer, thank you for this ask Lina! 💚💚💚 I enjoy personality analysis, things like love languages, enneagram types, mbti, and astrology charts. So yeaah this stuff is super fun to think about XD Also, this isn't like Entirely factual or anything like that, just mere observation and analysis for fun ^^

#lynx speaks #answered asks #lina my beloved ^^ 💚💚💚#ranboo #tubbo #tommy #benchtrio #big oof owo #this took me a shorter amount of time to answer than most asks so i am Proud OwO #this was fun to write out ^^#long post

7 notes · View notes

not-close-to-straight · 4 years

Text

Lost and Found (Six)

*cue dramatic music in the later half of the chapter*

MASTERLIST HERE

******************

“Good morning, Tony.” Pepper dropped a kiss on Tony’s cheek and a stack of papers on his desk then turned to smile at James. “Good morning, James. You two are up bright and early.”

“Never really went to bed.” Tony had a 3D rendered image of James’s left shoulder on his desk and was painstakingly fitting the end pieces with new wiring and connectors. He knew from plenty of unfortunate fire-extinguisher experience that Dum-E would come running if there was so much as a spark as wires and parts went together, so he wanted to practice several times and run through any potential issues before trying it on James. “Been up all night working on this.”

“You’ve both been up all night?” Pepper asked casually, just as casually as she possibly could while also being simultaneously nosy. “Usually JARVIS warns me if Tony doesn’t go to bed.”

“I told him to take the night off.” Tony felt around behind him for another wire and Pepper’s eyebrows shot up when James handed the right one over without even hesitating.

Spending enough time together to be that in sync? My oh my.

“I don’t think JARVIS knows the meaning of the words ‘night off’.” she commented instead of everything else she’d wanted to comment since finding them asleep together a few nights previous. “What were you two up to that the almighty eye in the sky didn’t need to witness?”

“You flatter me, Ms. Potts.” JARVIS came online after a quiet click and brief hesitation. “But I can assure after numerous near-catastrophes due to sleep deprivation, I am always watching the lab even if I am quiet.”

“Of course you are.” Pepper was watching both James and Tony closely to see if either reacted to the thinly veiled insinuation that they’d been up to no good, but neither brunette even blinked. “Anyway, Tony we need to talk about exactly what happened with the Boy Scouts the other day.”

“C’mon Pep, you say it like that and it sounds terrible.” Tony snapped his fingers a few times, then muttered a thank you when James handed him a small tool. “Don’t say it like that. James, how do you feel about purple wire? I'm thinking purple wires.”

“What happened with the Boy Scouts?” James wanted to know, and then to Tony, “I like red.”

“Well you’re getting purple.” Tony twisted a few pieces and attached them carefully. “Deal with it.”

“Sure, Tony.” James’s smile was damn near soft, and Pepper had a hard time looking away from it. “Ms. Potts, what happened with the Boy Scouts?”

“What happened with the Boy Scouts?” she repeated, finally tearing away from the way those two looked at each other and idly wondering if either had any clue. “What happened is that Tony donated our entire collection of modern art to them to auction off as a fundraiser.”

“Pretty sure it’s my collection, Pep.” Tony put on a pair of high-magnifying glasses so he could see better. “Which means I get to do whatever I want with it, right?”

“I dedicated half my soul and at least a dozen gray hairs towards acquiring that collection.” Pepper put a hand to her perfectly styled, perfectly colored hair. “I think I should have at least a brief say in what happens to it.”

“Your ‘brief say’ can be congratulating me on a several million dollar tax write off.” Tony blinked owlishly large eyes up at her. “You should be proud of me Pep. Donating junk and getting tax write offs is good behavior!”

“Junk.” Pepper put a hand to her forehead. “Junk?! Tony--!”

“Feel like I don’t really understand modern art.” James offered, thinking back to the displays that went up in downtown D.C. on the first Friday’s of the summer months. “Seem’s like a bunch of colors thrown together that don’t make any sense except to the artist and the people with a bunch of money to pay for it.”

“That’s exactly what it is.” Tony agreed at the same time Pepper loudly disagreed, “No, that’s not it at all! James, our collection--”

“--my collection--”

“--was so much more than that, it represents ten years of hard work on my part!” Pepper narrowed green eyes at Tony when he only hunched further over his project. “Tony, you’re making that ‘I’m bored’ face, don’t do that when I’m talking to you.”

“Then don’t be boring when you’re talking to me.” Tony sassed, and James coughed to cover a snort of laughter.

He felt bad that Pepper was so frustrated, but the last few days had been so fun with Tony, James had a hard time finding fault with anything the genius did, even if it was purposefully frazzling Ms. Potts.

Ever since their Howard the Duck movie night, Tony had been busy and distracted during the day --arguing on the phone with whatever a Honeybear was, answering and then disconnecting video calls with what sounded like reporters, working in the lab behind darkened windows and distinctly explosive noises. James ended up spending the hours wandering through the house or the surrounding grounds, even calling Happy to just drive him around the city so he could see it all from behind the anxiety reducing tinted windows. The days were long, but the nights made up for it when Tony appeared from his lab usually exhausted and messy haired but always with a ready smile for the soldier.

It was an odd sort of normal, to be dragged into the living room for hour after hour of arguably terrible movies, delivered pizza and Happy-delivered cheeseburgers, and usually falling asleep before the movie was over.

It was an odd sort of normal but it was a normal that meant no more endless stretches of time James couldn’t quite keep track of, no more meals in the soup kitchen or nights outside in the cold when the paranoia got bad and James couldn’t sleep at the shelter. Tony watched him, but it wasn’t the stares of morbid curiosity from pedestrians on the street, they spent time in the lab poking at his arm but never anything that made James choke up with fear like that chair had done the first time around, nothing that made him feel like a project and an experiment and a weapon like-- like something else in his murky memories did.

No, normal with Tony made James’s heart beat a little faster and maybe even made his breath catch when Tony smiled the way he was smiling up at Pepper right now-- teasing and knowing and daring her to do something about it.

James was never brave enough to do anything about it, nor was he confident enough to think he was reading that smile exactly right, so he never bothered taking the chance….

… Pepper had no such qualms.

“I am not finished being upset about the art collection.” the redhead warned. “But I’ve got eight thousand and eleven other things to talk to you about so we’ll put a pin in it for now. I’m assuming since you aren’t making any effort to attend the Senate meetings, you also aren’t feeling up to making your speech at the Expo tomorrow night?”

“I don’t care half a flying fuck about the Senate meetings--

“Tony!”

“--but the Expo is the most important thing in my life. All my energy is there. Legacy and history and uh-- ah shit, James, I need you.” Tony frayed a wire beyond repair and held out his hand for another one the soldier promptly handed him. “Thank you. As I was saying, Pep. The Expo is legacy, a chance to continue my Dad’s work and leave something for everyone to remember me by just in case I end up doing something drastic and amazing and die in a blaze of glory.”

“Do not joke about you dying.” Pepper’s voice shook then, and James frowned when Tony closed his eyes and muttered a quiet sorry. “That will never be funny, Tony Stark and you know it.”

“Yeah Pep. I-- I know it.”

“And while we’re on the topic?” she flicked at his ear and Tony jumped, scowled at her. “I’ve seen the plans for the new tower in New York. No one will ever have trouble remembering you, Tony. You’re planning to literally add your name in neon lights to the New York City skyline.”

“It will be the most recognizable building outside the Empire and the Statue of Liberty!” Tony said cheerfully, and Pepper only rolled her eyes.

“Seriously though Tony, about the changes in your stock--”

“Nope, I’m not talking about it.” Tony pushed away from the desk and stretched to pop his back. “JARVIS, give me that initial prototype from the 3D printer and let’s get it online and connected to the mold print of James’s shoulder, I’d like to see the pieces together.”

“No, JARVIS, please wait to bring out any prototypes until I’m finished talking!” Pepper spoke over Tony. “Stark Industries is in total disarray. You’ve signed off on grants for everyone from the wind farm people to whatever the hell a plastic plantation is and despite the board’s warning, you keep saying yes! But then they say no and now we have a list of people waiting for money that may or may not be coming! What am I supposed to do about that, Tony?”

“You’re boring me again.” Tony pursed his lips and clenched his jaw. He wasn’t bored he was stressed and he needed Pepper to see that. He didn’t care about talking through work things in front of James, he cared that his limited time with James was being interrupted for work things and he needed Pepper to see that. He was handing out money because he needed someone to remember him when he was gone in less than three months and he needed Pepper to see that, damn it.

“You’re boring me again.” he repeated, and held up a hand when Pepper tried to interrupt. “Nope. I don’t care, Pep. I don’t care about any of this. Give everybody the money, give nobody the money. I don’t care. You do it.”

“I’m trying to do it!” Pepper’s legendary self control snapped just a little bit, bent and broke and she smacked a hand down on the table and raised her voice to argue for what might have been the first time ever. “I’m trying to do it, Tony! Trying to get you focused enough for the most basic tasks to run this company and you aren’t giving me anything!”

“....I’m giving you everything.” Tony said then, soft and weary, darting a quick glance towards James and feeling bolstered when he saw the soldier looking right back. “Pep, I’m giving you everything. I’ve been trying to find the perfect time to tell you and you know, right now is as good as any. You can have it. All of it.”

“All of what, Tony?” Pepper looked just as exhausted as Tony felt, exhausted and maybe even near frustrated tears. “You don’t make any sense any more!”

“The company.” He answered simply, and Pepper blinked a few times before her mouth fell open.

“What!?”

“It’s yours.” Tony rustled around in a desk drawer until he found a business card, inked through the Tony Stark, CEO line and wrote in ‘Virginia Potts’. “There, see? It’s official. You do it. Do all of it. You’re better than me, so you do it.”

“No.” Pepper sounded thunderstruck. “No, Tony. First of all, that is not how you sign a company over. Second of all, I am no where near qualified--”

“Sure you are.” Tony cut in. “You ran the company for three months in crisis mode while I was gone. You’ve been running it for the seven months since I’ve been home because I can’t focus longer than a few minutes on that sort of stuff. That’s almost a year at this point, you’ve been running Stark Industries for almost a year and still getting paid a secretary’s salary and that’s not right.”

He spread his hands in a ‘here you go’ gesture. “Now it’s yours. Take it. You deserve it. Congratulations.”

“You’ve been drinking.” Pepper stated. “James, has he been drinking?”

“Just green stuff.” James replied, and Tony corrected, “Chlorophyll. Lots of it. I’m basically one with Mother Nature now.”

“Chlorophyll spiked with something?”

“Chia seeds.” Tony tried to hand her the altered business card again. “I need a yes or no from you, Pep. Are you going to take over running this thing or do I have to call the temp agency and find someone else?”

“Well you--you certainly won’t be finding somebody at the temp agency.” Pepper took the card with trembling fingers. “But Tony, I can’t-- you shouldn’t--”

“I know you think I’m rushing into this but I’m not.” Tony took both of Pepper’s hands and squeezed lightly. “I’ve put a lot of thought into it and have been considering it since before Afghanistan if I’m being honest. Before all that happened I was already thinking about this, but after everything, I’ve thought about it every day. Every damn day.”

“Tony.”

“It’s you, Pep.” he murmured, and James looked away from the overwhelming intimacy of the moment. “It’s always been you. You take care of me and take care of all of this, everything I never cared that much about and all the things that are the only things I care about it.”

He pressed at her palms meaningfully before letting go. “It’s always been you, so step up and take the seat at the head of the table. You deserve it.”

“I um--” Pepper cleared her throat and tried for a watery smile. “I suppose it would be nice not to deal with another boss. The current one buys me such nice things for my birthday.”

“Oh yeah?” Tony raised his eyebrows. “What did I buy you this year?”

“A very beautiful tennis bracelet and two new pair of Jimmy Choo’s.”

“Wow.” Tony’s eyes widened in faux shock. “I am generous.”

“Very much so.” Pepper hesitated, turned the card over in her hands a few times. “I should… call someone to draw up the necessary paperwork?”

“Whenever you’re ready.” Tony stepped away again and winked. “You’re the boss.”

“I’m the boss.” she repeated, still shell shocked. “And I need a drink. Right now.”

“I have chlorophyll.” Tony answered promptly and Pepper pushed at him gently. “No? You don’t want any?”

“Not even a little bit.” Pepper glanced over at James, then leaned in and kissed Tony on the cheek. “I love you very much, do you know?”

“And I’d be lost with you.” Tony kissed her right back. “Are you going to complain about anything else?”

“No.” Pepper flushed in gratitude. “Did you need anything else from me, Mr. Stark?”

“That will be all, Ms. Potts.”

The lab doors closed silently behind Pepper and Tony flopped down at the table again, slumping in the chair and running his fingers through his hair. “Okay, where were we?”

“You really just handed over everything to her?” James asked, and Tony nodded. “Why?”

“Because the only thing that will change for me is less board meetings.” Tony flipped his goggles down again and went back to work. “Pepper’s done everything for going on ten years now, no reason why she shouldn’t have what she’s worked so hard to take care of.”

“You don’t care?”

“I have everything I could ever want in life.” Tony lied explained, and ignored the ache in his heart, the one that felt like cold and loneliness buried far deeper than the palladium poisoning. “And it’s still my name on the company. Still my legacy. Just with someone better than me at the helm.”

“Huh.” James nodded like any of those reasons made valid excuses to sign over what he imagined was a wildly successful tech con--con-- what was the word he’d heard on a news segment the other day? Conglomerate?-- to an Executive Assistant, even one as wonderfully put together as Ms. Potts. “So you have a speech at the Expo tomorrow?”

“Don’t worry.” Tony got back up to grab the lightweight arm prototype from one of the cabinets so he could connect it to the model of James’s shoulder and see how it all went together. “I’ll be there and back again before we miss out on movie time. Just have to wear the monkey suit and perform for the masses. No big deal.”

“Monkey suit?”

“You know, the uh--” Tony paused, cocked his head as he realized he’d never actually told James about the Iron Man suit. They’d talked about the arc reactor and he didn’t hide the blue glow beneath heavy shirts anymore but he still hadn’t come right out and said ‘Also, I’m Iron Man.’

Part of him had assumed James would put two and two together and maybe was just being polite and discreet about bringing it up.

The other part of him hoped he never had a reason to tell James because he’d like those baby blues to keep looking at him as Tony and not as Tony Stark Iron Man, or Tony Stark billionaire or Tony Stark any list of any other adjectives people had called him over the years.

For all the reasons Tony had stuffed deep in the closet at just seventeen, and for all the reasons that had recently began weighing on his heart and soul, when James looked at him and smiled Tony would very much like to just be Tony.

“...the monkey suit.” he finally finished. “Like a tuxedo, right? Get dressed up and put on a show for the folks?”

“You’re part of the show?” James asked in confusion. “I thought you ran it.”

Tony chuckled at him. “No, not part of the show. I’m the reason for the show which means I have to stand up there and say a few words every few days. It’s not a big deal. I’ll be back in time to watch The Princess Bride with you and explain exactly why every line of that movie is undeniably hilarious.”

“So if I wear that monkey suit you had bought for me, can I go?” James questioned, eyes cautious and tone hesitant. “Or is that not okay?”

“You want to go?” Tony snapped a piece clear off the prototype and James looked down in alarm. “No, don’t worry about that, that’s why we have practice pieces. You want to go to the Expo? Are you sure?”

“Well--”

“Because you can go.” He was quick to assure James. “But there is thousands of people around, lots of noise, lots of lights and it’s science-y stuff so explosions happen or at least various flash bangs. I don’t want you to get there and then get triggered or panic or that. I mean, it’s a lot for me half the time, I do my few minutes on stage and usually need a few minutes in the bathroom afterwards to calm down and I’d hate to see you-- I mean--”

Tony was rambling, tripping over his words as he tried to find the right thing to say to tell James it was okay not to go if he didn’t want to, that it could be frightening because sometimes it was frightening for Tony, that he understood the potential triggers and wasn’t going to judge for James reacting in a panic.

“--I just don’t want you to hate it!” he blurted. “This is a big deal for me, for my family history and I know that doesn’t mean anything to you but I’d hate for you to hate it, that would make me feel bad. Not that it would be your fault or anything but--”

“Tony.” James rapped his knuckles on the table, effectively stopping the ramble mid sentence. “Tony, I know it will probably be noisy and maybe a little stressful but I want to go.”

And then with a deep breath and a little bit of the lazier tilt his words got whenever he tried to be sweet with Tony-- why did that happen? Why did he start talking like he was from New York when he tried to flirt and why did he think in Russian when he was stressed?-- James wet his lips and clarified, “I wanna go with you, Tony. S’that okay?”

“You--” Tony blinked. “You want to go with me. With me? Like with me?”

“Yeah.” James was suddenly practically parched and he wet his lips again. “Could be fun. Maybe we could--” see a flying car. Eat popcorn. Dance. Do I dance? “-- maybe we could walk around it together after your speech? Pretty sure I like carnivals and that sorta thing.”

“I’d love that.” Tony tried and failed to squash the sudden flare of hope in his chest and the surge of interest somewhere further south. Down boy, it’s only a walk through a very crowded place with the hottest guy you’ve ever seen. “I’ll make my speech short and semi sweet and we can spend the rest of the evening together. Yes. Definitely. Sounds great, sounds like fun, right?”

“Oh sure thing.” James’s pale eyes lit with the same sort of light Tony was sure was reflected in his own and good Christ did he hope he wasn’t reading it wrong. “Sounds real fun.”

*****************

“Tony! The notary is here!” Pepper wrinkled her nose when she walked into what had once been the formal dining room of the Malibu house and now was an in-home gym complete with practice sized boxing ring and the stink of sweat. “Tony? Quit letting Happy kick your ass and come sign, please!”

“I resent that.” Tony stepped back from one of Happy’s jabs and wiped at his face. “I was holding my own today, wasn’t I James?”

“Sure, Tony.” James said immediately, teasingly, from his seat down below and Happy snorted, “Of course James agrees with you. I’d agree with the rich crazy guy too if he smiled at me like that.”

“Calm down, Hap. I smile at you like that too.” Tony grinned just to prove his point, but the tips of his ears turned red when he heard James laughing quietly behind him. “Pepper what do you--”

He stopped, raised his eyebrows when he saw his favorite redhead accompanied by another redhead that was somehow just as stunning as Pepper in all sorts of different ways. “Uh. Hey.”

“Don’t.” Pepper warned, and the other woman smiled only barely before motioning to her tablet and telling Tony, “I need you to sign a few things, check a few boxes. Nothing fancy. Should be the only time you’re asked to sign over your company, right? Hopefully?”

“What’s your name?” Tony tore the cap off one of the shakes and took a long drink, neither missing nor commenting on the way the newcomer and James seemed to zero in on each other. “Ma’am? Your name?”

“Rushman.” Ms. Rushman watched James closely for another minute before shifting her attention back to Tony with another barely there smile that was little more than a twist of her full lips. “Natalie Rushman.”

“Natalie Rushman.” Tony repeated. “You know how to box?”

“Tony, no.” Pepper cut in, at the same time Natalie’s smile grew a tiny bit and she countered, “Oh, it’s fine. I don’t mind trying something new.”

James’s lip curled in maybe suspicion, maybe irritation when Natalie got up into the ring, bent over at the waist so she was staring up at Tony through thick lashes as she ducked under the ropes.

Nope. Don’t trust her.

“Happy.” Tony looked Natalie over once, twice, then told Happy, “Give her a lesson while I talk to Pepper.”

“Sure thing boss.” Happy turned his nicest, most unintentionally condescending smile towards Ms. Rushman. “Have you ever boxed before? Ever worn a pair of gloves?”

Whatever Natalie said faded into the background as Tony crossed by James and patted at his shoulder, then dropped onto the bench seat next to Pepper. “Hi.”

“No, Tony.”

“I need one.”

“Absolutely not.” Pepper was quickly signing as she went through the different screens on the tablet. “That is the world’s most expensive sexual harassment suit just waiting to happen. You want a pretty assistant, hire James.”

“I just might.” Tony wrinkled his nose towards James who only smirked and shifted back to watching the ring. “Seriously, where did you find her?”

“Legal.”

“Pep.”

“Tony.” Pepper handed him the tablet. “Yes, I’ve hired her as my assistant. Yes, she has every credential I had when you hired me, plus several I didn’t realize would be needed for this job but I now know are invaluable and no, I don’t even want you talking to her if you’re going to get up to your usual shenanigans.”

“Don’t worry.” Tony nudged her lightly. “I’m done with my usual shenanigans. She seems like trouble though. Are you sure you’re alright with having an assistant who rivals Ms. Marilyn Monroe in both looks and shape?”

“I am neither that insecure nor that jealous.”

“Aw.” Tony nudged Pepper’s side again. “You can tell me the truth.”

“Ugh fine, yes Tony. Don’t you know I chose her specifically for her eye candy attributes? You got to look at my beautiful face and great rack all these years, I feel like I should get the same out of my personal assistant.” Pepper was clearly teasing, but Tony’s jaw still about hit the ground. “I’ll be requiring her to wear those high waisted pants and ruffled blouses every day too, that will certainly guarantee her a Christmas bonus.”

“My god, Ms. Potts.” Tony managed over a shout of laughter. “One day a CEO and already lecherous and slightly corrupt!”

“Yes, I’m terrible.” Pepper laughed too and tapped at the screen. “Now sign! And please don’t repeat anything I just said, you know I was only kidding but the last thing we need is the tabloids thinking the newly minted CEO is not only lesbian but also apparently sleeping with her assistant.”

“I have no issues with either of those things.” Tony objected, and Pepper agreed in a softer tone and pointed look towards James, “Well, neither do I.”

“Uh Pep.” Contracts momentarily forgotten, Tony scratched at his chin self consciously. “Listen. About that-- I mean, about James--”

“WHOA!” In the ring, Happy yelped in surprise and a good dose of fear and they looked up in time to see Natalie all but climb Happy’s frame and hook both legs around his neck, taking the big driver down with a wrench of her thighs and mat shaking thud.

“Holy--!” Pepper covered her mouth with both hands and the tablet dropped right from Tony’s lax hands in shock. “What--?!”

“Mr. Stark.” Natalie slipped out of the ring calm as anything, stepped back into her stilettos and smoothed a non existent wrinkle from her blouse. “If you’d finish signing, I’ll need your finger print and we can begin the transfer over.”

“Uh...yep. I will definitely never be arguing with you. Nuh-uh.”

Too stunned by the show of athleticism and general bad-assery, and still sort of laughing at Happy wheezing on the mat, Tony went back to signing and Pepper went back to watching closely to be sure he did exactly as told.

Natalie however kept her chin up and eyes trained on James, who spared only the briefest glance at Happy and then met the notary’s gaze head on.

There was something about Natalie Rushman, something too sharp in her eyes and too purposeful in her casual posture and too aware in every word she spoke and it made James’s skin crawl. He couldn’t push through the nagging almost-memory of knowing her from somewhere, the not quite certainty of having stared at that same barely there smirk before but with the uncomfortable overlay of cross hairs over her face.

It was bitter in the back of James’s throat, knowing that somehow Natalie knew…. something. She knew something James desperately needed to know and he almost choked from the certainty of danger in the room.

She was dangerous, but James couldn’t say anything until he knew for sure.

She was dangerous and judging by the way she kept staring, Natalie planned to be dangerous to him very soon.

So James leaned forward in his chair, squared his shoulders and tipped his chin up and glared daggers right at her, daring the redhead to do something stupid, promising to tear her apart if she so much as breathed wrong towards either Ms. Potts or Tony.

But Natalie only twisted her lips and turned back to the signing with a professionally fake tone of voice and an uncomfortable knowing in her smile.

Shit, she was dangerous.

James just had to figure out why.

**************

“Fury.”

“Secured line?”

“Of course.”

“Romanoff. What do you have to report?”

“No issues with either Stark or Potts but there has been an unexpected development with another person living at the house.”

“Who?”

“He goes by James. Just James.”

“So what’s the problem?”

“Remember Odessa? The nuclear engineer I was smuggling out of Iran and the unfortunate encounter in the mountains?”

“The bullet that ruined your bikini plans. Yes, I remember your complaints vividly.”

“Remember who I swore shot me?”

“... … …”

“Fury, are you still there?”

“.... Are you sure?”

“Positive. Does this change my orders?”

“No. Stay on the Stark situation.”

“Yes sir.”

“I’ll keep my eye on James.”

****************

SAY SOMETHING ABOUT THE CHAPTER!

*****************

@ships-galore @ceealaina @izziebladez @cwar1864 @hausoffro @tonystarkisanangel @multishippinglife @girlnic @iam93percentstardust @paranormalmoonlight5 @igotloki @moosette05 @wayward-student-philosopher @kaz-brekkers-gloves @atomicfandombomb @1fuckingshitup69 @agentlokii @livewire28 @tulipsnbigcats @kimstark @alex-stark-rogers @bibbarnes @heeeyitskay @goindownshipping @justaniche

@quietgayguy @bluedreamdino @akimi-youngblood @blackstar1602 @dixiehellcat @travellover1245 @capnstarkey @the-awkward-teenaged-one @thanossucks @peteryoulittleshit @tony-and-steeeb @striving-artist @roe-sesandthorns @coolsidedpillow @i-am-worth-it-25 @firelightmystic @maligatorthealigator @simsccsol @a-tardis-in-221b @happyendingrequired @everygoodoneistaken11 @pootie-and-the-snoots @rilee16 @megahuffledor @xkissmeimirishx @crystalskrull @hazelbeatsturtle @wecollectnightmares @endrega23 @saganarojanaolt @the-crazy-house @ravynfyre @yomama-umbridge @lovely--tony @gayspacesprinkles @elliotkaingrey @glitternotgold73 @warmachinesocks

#ncts fics #winteriron #tony stark #bucky barnes #pepper potts #happy hogan #natasha romanov

90 notes · View notes

straykidsupdate · 4 years

Text

Stray Kids Members on GO LIVE and Making the Music They Want to Make

There's bedlam in the kitchen, as K-pop disruptors Stray Kids wreak delicious havoc on a sterile commercial space. They dance around wildly, waving stainless steel pots and pans in the air and tossing freshly pressed napkins and imaginary ingredients with relish and abandon. In the forefront, fiery rapper Changbin serves up his own potent sauce with a pummeling verse, while dancer Lee Know attempts to stir fry a handful of what appear to be rose petals behind him. A marching band, their plumes high and faces unbothered, carries on amidst the mess — a visual manifestation of the heavy bass ostinato that immediately invades the senses. It sounds disorienting, maybe even slightly dangerous. It looks like chaos.

Welcome to "God's Menu" ("神메뉴").

The Korean boy group's latest single boasts a big, brassy hook laced with trap beats and an addicting refrain ("this is our tang, tang, tang, tang," they shout), a recipe that has become their signature dish. A sonic successor to last fall's explosive "Double Knot," the track teems with a tireless energy and their hallmark bravado. The video imagines the eight members as chefs who confidently concoct their own art from scratch. "Taste so good, everyone loves it," Han raps, in a mix of Korean and English. "All our dishes taste so strong."

The culinary metaphor is laid on thick, bolstered by a charismatic performance that includes Korean formalities like "네, 손님" (which translates to "yes, sir and ma'am" in English) and TikTok-certified choreography that incorporates mixing, frying, seasoning, and, most notably, chopping. But for a group that's been cooking up homemade beats and flavorful lyrics in their bedrooms long before their 2018 debut, it's a savory declaration that feels more than earned. "We just keep on making new things," leader Bang Chan sings, cleansing the palate with a sweet melody. "Because we're one of a kind."

They bring that same level of confidence and clarity to their first full-length album Go生, a title that combines the English word "go" with the Chinese character for "life" and showcases the group's penchant for clever wordplay. Pronounced go-saeng in Korean, it translates to "hardship." The English title, GO LIVE, reflects their desire to move forward without any lingering inhibition. Consider the 14-track LP a reintroduction to Stray Kids.

"We tried to not think too much," Bang Chan tells Teen Vogue from Seoul, South Korea, where he's currently huddled in a room with members Lee Know, Changbin, Hyunjin, Han, Felix, Seungmin, and I.N. It's late June, and they're in the middle of their first week of promotions for the album, which means early mornings, long nights, and a whirlwind of music show performances, interviews, radio shows, and virtual fan engagements. And yet, even as it nears midnight, the members, ranging in ages from 19 to 22, are still easily excitable. Australia-raised Bang Chan acts as the group's tireless translator, and despite recent concerns, his accent sounds as prominent as ever as he explains how Stray Kids adopted a fresh mindset in preparation for Go生. "Of course, we thought a lot about what to put in the album and how we wanted to make it, but we went with the flow," he says. "We wanted everything to feel a bit more raw."

Stray Kids made their official debut under JYP Entertainment with the riotous and self-produced "District 9," an angsty blend of hip-hop and EDM that would ultimately define the group's characteristic intensity, both musically and lyrically. It laid the foundation for 2018's I Am… trilogy of EPs, which focused heavily on the theme of identity as they charged away from systems that sought to control them. The Clé series followed in 2019, which threw Stray Kids head-first into the thorny, often exhausting labyrinth of adulthood. Bang Chan, Changbin, and Han, who comprise the group's in-house production trio, known as 3RACHA, write about their own experiences, etching their personal dreams and worries into a diverse discography that spans six EPs, multiple mixtape singles, and special releases. But with Go生, they've emerged with newfound perspective.

For years, their music was fixated on the idea of bulldozing through obstacles that stood in their way. They wanted to outrun their problems. Now, it's clear: Growing up isn't about overcoming anxieties and struggles. Instead, it's learning to live in spite of them — to run freely alongside them.

As a result, Go生 is a release bursting with color and vitality, a celebration of life's mercurial nature. There's a song for every craving, and a tracklist that demonstrates the members' prismatic talents as rappers and vocalists. "Easy" delivers boundless swagger over a trap beat (and it's already been immortalized on stan Twitter); "Airplane" is Stray Kids at their most relaxed, a chill summertime vibe that's also a tremendous showcase for singer Seungmin; main rapper and all-rounder Han lets his voice soar on "Phobia," an electronic-synth track that examines the paranoia of losing someone (it was also the final song added to the album); "TA" is all high energy and thunderous chaos, perfect for a future encore set; and "Blueprint" shines with its funky bass line, bright verses, and fierce optimism ("I'll proudly achieve my dream," Felix sings in Korean, as translated to English).

"We wanted to show what Stray Kids is really about," Bang Chan says. And in doing so, Felix adds, they "experimented with a variety of genres." The fellow Aussie, who Bang Chan affectionately calls his little brother and who fans (known as Stay) refer to as their "sunshine," speaks with a warm timbre. His flow is even deeper and more distinct, and it's been a solid entry point for Stay and locals alike. Felix is a commanding presence on "God's Menu," a testament to his growth as a rapper and performer. When asked about his five-star performance, he gets shy. "I think everyone put their all into this song and into the album," he says. "Sit down, be humble," Bang Chan jokingly sings beside him, a reference to Kendrick Lamar's 2017 manifesto "Humble" and a demonstration of the leader's persistent playfulness.

"We've all improved a lot in terms of our performance," dance captain Lee Know says, much to the surprise of his members. It's not that they don't agree, it's just that his eager contribution to the conversation catches them off guard. He's not always so talkative during press interviews. And there's an audible cheer among the group as he continues. "Our dancing has gotten stronger. Our vocals have gotten stronger as well. But we're still honing those skills. And we'll continue to grow."

Hyunjin, whose own development as a rapper, dancer, and vocalist with a mellifluous falsetto is well-documented on the internet, agrees. "As we get older, we want to show Stay more sides to us," he says. The lithe performer's strength is his versatility. He's highly adaptable, so it's not surprising that he's been working on writing and composing his own music under Bang Chan's watchful guidance. "I want to show [Stay] something different," he adds. (And that's a promise he intends to keep.)

Youngest member I.N thinks they're maturing in other ways too. "We've all gotten a lot more good-looking," the lively vocalist says, very matter-of-factly. Laughter erupts in the room, and Changbin's cackle is unmistakable. Undeterred, I.N carries on. "When it comes to performance, I've personally gotten a lot faster at recording and memorizing choreography," he says. Lee Know is quick to jump in. "I.N's performance in 'TOP' really surprised me," the elder says. "He's in the center position for the hook, and watching him I saw just how much he's improved. He's more confident now."

I.N is happy he gave off such an aura. "When we were preparing for this album there were times when I didn't feel so confident," he says. So he turned to his members, who listened to his concerns and offered him feedback. He feels much lighter now. "One thing I realized after watching our 'God's Menu' stages is that we all look like we're enjoying ourselves more. We feel more free on stage. And it just feels easier."

The album's most surprising and reflective moment comes at the halfway point, courtesy of Han. Written by the teen multihyphenate, "Another Day" is soft and simple, but no less introspective than his previous cuts ("19" and "Sunshine"). It depicts a feeling of restlessness caused by burnout and the inability to "rest without worrying."

Han's inspiration for the song was largely himself. "It's been a tough year, and I knew it wasn't just me who felt that way," he says. "So I wanted to put those emotions into the song."

In front of the camera, Han exudes relentless charisma. He's quick-witted and wickedly funny. Off stage, he's one of the group's two MBTI-approved introverts (the other being Hyunjin), and he prefers to relax in a controlled environment: his room. In fact, if he doesn't have a schedule or a song to work on, he'd prefer not to leave his bed at all, choosing instead to watch YouTube and anime on his phone. As someone who's deeply inspired by visual mediums, it's in these calmer moments where creativity often strikes.

"Everyone goes through times where things don't work out the way you want them to," he says. "But I think it's important to remember that while you're going through a difficult time, you need to take a breath. Go do something for yourself … Break out of that negative mindset and open yourself up to new possibilities."

Each of the members has their own way of dealing with feelings of stress and anxiety. Changbin works on music. "It's my healing," he says. And he hopes it can be healing for Stay too; he teaches fans the basics of rap during semi-regular streams on V Live. Lee Know prefers to do nothing at all. This is why the members often say the self-assured performer is like water — whatever is bothering him just washes away by morning. But I.N needs time away from the older members. ("Leave me alone!" oldest member Bang Chan whines, mimicking the moody teen.) Hyunjin finds comfort in sentimental music and Korean dramas, and he's especially adept at communicating with fans on Instagram and V Live, where he addresses their worries and offers support in both Korean and English. "That heals my heart," he adds softly. Felix has taken up cooking and baking, even going so far as to buy an oven for their shared apartment's kitchen. His brownies are already beloved by the members and JYP staff. "Making something for someone and getting to share what I make… even a small compliment will make me feel relaxed and good about myself," he says.

Meanwhile, Bang Chan has a bad habit of "brainwashing myself into thinking that I'm not restless when I actually am." So he relies on the members, or "the kids" as he calls them, to help keep him in check. "Our first week of promotions was really tiring, but when I look on stage and see them — see Hyunjin, Changbin, Lee Know, see them all — it gives me a lot of strength. They make me feel at home." (The kids coo in jest beside him. "That's right!" Han shouts.)

Seungmin doesn't often feel anxious, but when he does there's nothing that a long walk and a good playlist can't fix. Lately, he's been listening to "Another Day." "Han surprised me [with this song]," the dynamic vocalist says. "I listen to it often, and it has inspired me a lot." Han, never one to pass up a compliment, replies, "Thanks, man."

While 3RACHA are largely responsible for crafting Stray Kids' music, the members are all integral to the process. "It's not 3RACHA's music, it's Stray Kids' music," Changbin says in English. "So the members' feedback is very important. I feel the best when they like it."

Case in point: "God's Menu." The group had originally recorded a different lead single, and they were in the throes of comeback preparations when Changbin played a demo of "God's Menu" for some of the members. According to Bang Chan, this happens a lot: "We go home, we play a demo, and we party to it." It's as simple as that. But then something unusual happened: Upon hearing "God's Menu," Hyunjin immediately knew he wanted to perform it. This was Stray Kids. The other members felt it too. "The lyrics expressed our music and confidence best," Changbin says in English, as his members cheer him on. ("Go, Changbin!" Bang Chan encourages.) "It's a song only Stray Kids could perform.”

And it was a theme that personally resonated with Bang Chan. "Back in the day, when we were releasing songs as 3RACHA, I always liked to relate my producing process with cooking and science," he adds. "It's just a really fun concept." (Astute fans might recall the 2017 3RACHA deep cut "Alchemistry," in which the industrious leader declares himself a "mad scientist.")

So 3RACHA went straight to the top — to the company's founder J. Y. Park — and asked if they could change the single to "God's Menu." They didn't expect much; the single had already been locked. To their surprise, however, JYP agreed with their judgement. And so have Stay: "God's Menu" is the group's fastest music video to reach 60 million views, and Go生 broke their previous first-week sales record.

"It's a really funny and very warm feeling knowing that he believes in what we do," Bang Chan says of JYP's support. "And it makes us want to try out even more of our various ideas."

Producer Mike Daley (Baekhyun's "Candy") experienced 3RACHA's creative process and various ideas first-hand in Los Angeles last May when Bang Chan, Changbin, and Han spent a day with him in the studio following the U.S. leg of the group's Unveil tour. They worked on two tracks, one of which would eventually become "Easy." Daley played an unfinished demo for the trio, and the reaction was immediate. "A few of the guys just started rapping," he tells Teen Vogue. Bang Chan workshopped the hook and melodies with a few of Daley's friends and collaborators, while Changbin and Han wrote the verses. "Spear [Changbin] and Han were in their own zone on their phones, writing," he recalls. According to Daley, Spear — a reference to Changbin's 3RACHA moniker SpearB — laid down the first verse, and the atmosphere was electric. "He was going crazy in the booth," he says. "It had a ton of energy. And that got everyone amped up to make the hook have as much energy as the verses were bringing."

Daley, a veteran of K-pop songwriting camps, was surprised by just how involved 3RACHA were in the studio. "They knew how to produce really well, so we were all arranging it together," he says. He also observed their teamwork. "It seemed like they each had their role and worked together well," he adds. "Spear and Han were focused on the verses, but when they heard a melody they liked, they'd look at Chris [Bang Chan]. They knew how to get the song done."

And that sense of creative autonomy isn't just exclusive to 3RACHA. Through self-produced digital projects like "SKZ-PLAYER," all of the members are encouraged to express themselves through their art. "It's a really good platform for us to showcase what we want to show Stay, something that they haven't seen before," Bang Chan says. In May, he surprised fans with "인정하기 싫어," which translates to "Don't Want To Admit," a vulnerable piano ballad that laid bare his heartache. Last year, Lee Know released "Dawn," a slinky dance performance he choreographed himself. Seungmin covered his favorite band, and fellow JYP artists, DAY6. "I am very grateful that we are able to sincerely connect with Stay through music," the floppy-haired vocalist notes. As for Changbin, he recently dropped "Streetlight," a solo track in which he wrestles with feelings of loneliness. And Hyunjin released his own video — a contemporary dance he produced and choreographed to Billie Eilish's "When The Party's Over." He titled it "Empty."

"I wanted to express a different feeling, one that I couldn't show through our own performances," the perceptive dancer says. He choreographed the piece to convey his longing to perform. That loneliness that comes at the end of a party, he says, is the same emptiness he feels when he leaves the stage. "That void I feel sometimes, I wanted to express that through choreography."

Han's "Close" was inspired by the 2004 film Closer, specifically its opening scene, in which a young woman locks eyes with a handsome stranger across the street. The idea of human connection, of seeing someone and wanting to know everything about that person, struck Han, especially at a time when people feel farther apart than ever. But it was too raw to share. "I didn't originally want to release 'Close.' I wanted to keep it to myself," he says. "But after showing it to the members, they encouraged me, and that motivated me to share it."

And they continue to share their artistry with Stay. Fans are getting an intimate look at the members' songwriting and melody-making prowess in "Two Kids Song," a web series that splits them into pairs and challenges each team to write, produce, and record an original song. For Stray Kids, the desire to keep learning and pushing themselves — as songwriters, as performers, and as young adults navigating the world around them — both inside and outside of the practice room, comes naturally. "We're artists," Bang Chan says. "It's right for us to express whatever we want through our creative process."

However, with unfiltered access also comes moments of real humility, a reminder that the relationship between idols and the community they foster isn't defined in scenes of uncritical loyalty and fan service, but rather in instances where they hold one another accountable. In a June livestream, Bang Chan reminded fans, "I don't want you guys to spread negative energy around. Stays, you guys are better than that." That sentiment was recently reciprocated when the group participated in a July variety show segment that many Black fans deemed racially insensitive. Stray Kids apologized in a personal statement posted to the members' shared Instagram account, in which they rejected all types of discrimination with a promise to do better by their fans everywhere around the world. "We are still lacking in many things and we are trying our hardest to become better," they wrote in Korean and English. "We would like to apologize to anyone if we have stepped on a rake. It was never our intention but due to our lack of understanding."

It's this honesty that resonates most with their fans. It's woven into heartfelt lyrics, tearful ending ments, social media posts, virtual hugs, home-cooked meals, and earnest reminders to deal with — not run away from — things that are difficult. It is the lens through which Stray Kids see themselves: never perfect, but always sincere. Mainly, it's how they expel their innermost thoughts and feelings, the joy and the agony of everyday life. Whether that's by working on music, or choreography, or refining a new dish, or bettering themselves, that's ultimately up for them to decide. It always has been. Their appetites are insatiable, after all. "The fact that we have the chance to make the music we want to make and talk about the things we want to talk about is really special," Changbin says. "It makes me more excited for what's next."

A day after talking to Teen Vogue, Bang Chan, Changbin, and Han set the KCON:TACT stage ablaze with an opening performance that showed the world just how hungry they are. “They always say the same excuses, while they’re complaining we’re producing," Bang Chan sings, the Auto-Tune heavy. "The passion I give it, nobody can kill." It's a bold statement for any group to make, especially one as young as Stray Kids. And yet, it's that measure of determination that's defined their careers since they were teens trapped on a hellevator with nowhere to go but up. One day they'll reach the penthouse. For now, they're learning to savor the ride and embrace the mess.

"We're going to enjoy this freedom," Bang Chan says, "and eventually we'll fly high."

#stray kids #200710 #ot8 #era: GO生 #t: article #t: interview #teen vogue

59 notes · View notes

galagaorbit · 4 years

Text

Hinanami!

[im bad @ setting scenes >:[ the first part takes place @ the fountain]

Hajime couldn't focus on his game, how could he? Chiaki's had her head laid in his lap, concentrating on her game trying to beat her previous high score. Hajime's eyes kept shifting towards her, her occasional sniffles made him smile. He wanted this moment to last forever but it was getting late, they'd be kicked off of school grounds soon. "H-hey Nanami, I found this pretty cool cafe in Akihabara, would you, maybe, like to go with me?" he chuckled softly rubbing the nape of his neck. Chiaki hummed quietly, "It doubles as an arcade." Once she heard that she quickly turned her head to look up at him with stars in her eyes, "Really? I'd love to go, when! When! When!" She squirmed in his lap and giggled "Well we can go now but I doubt you'd want to go in your uniform, we should go home and change then meet up... If that's okay with you." Hajime's ears had turned red, maybe if she hadn't moved around so much in his lap he would've been able to keep it together. Chiaki shot up from his lap almost hitting him in the chin and turned to face him "I've never been very good at dating sims but I'll try my hardest to gain relationship points!"

"R-relationship points?! Wh-what are you talking about?"

"Well in every dating sim you get relationship points from dates you go on, I must've already raised enough friendship flags to start gaining relationship points." She gasps. "Unless there's actually a zombie apocalypse and this is just the filler! Now that I can handle."

"I have no idea what we're talking about right now."

"C'mon, we've got no time to lose."

She grabbed Hajime's hand and raced towards the school gate, relationship points? Dating sims? Hajime couldn't help it, he blushed at the thought of going on a date with Chiaki, what would he wear? What would he say? Should he bring flowers? His stomach churned, he was nervous.

They were outside of school property now, Hajime caught his breath "So, should I come pick you up? Or should we meet at the train station?"

"Let's meet at the station, it'll be more efficient that way. Bye now." She waved at him and started walking home, taking her DS out and walking, how does she not run into stuff? It's a mystery to him, he waved and watched her walk until she was too far to see, he pivoted and went home.

[Chiaki]

She threw her bag onto her bed and paused her game. She put her hands on her heart & blushed like mad, what would she wear? All she had was her uniform, merchandise and cosplay, what would normal girls wear? She thought about texting her classmates but then decided to trust what's dearest to her, video games. She booted up Kitty Powers' Matchmaker and Hunie pop on two monitors and started to play, after about 20 minutes she knew exactly what to do.

[Hajime]

Once he got home he flopped onto his bed, his mind was racing, what to do, what to do. He took off his uniform then stopped, he stared at his binder, would she mind? Would she care? Would she understand? He quickly put on a red long sleeve shirt, he felt plain in it so he put on a horde shirt on top, Chiaki probably plays The Horde...Right? He put on some loose jeans and as he was tucking his shirt in he remembered all those Tumblr posts about bisexual people tucking their shirts in, whatever, it doesn't matter. He finished cuffing his jeans and put on some converse, he tried sticking that one piece of hair down but no matter what he did it always shot back up.

Hajime: im walking to the station now

Chiaki: oki doki!! cant w8! >-< im omw 2!!

Soon enough he reached the station, he assumed she'd take a long time to get there but to his surprise she showed up two minutes later. Hajime's heart started racing, her cat thigh highs, her frilly skirt, her Resident Evil shirt, he felt as if his heart would explode and it almost did, Chiaki's hair was tied into two low pigtails, he didn't think she could get any cuter but there she is. Her jacket perfectly framed her breasts, he tried not to stare but his blush gave it all away. "H-hinata-kun? Do I look bad?" His staring must've made her self-conscious, he rushes to her side & hesitantly puts his hands on her shoulders. "I think you look perfect, not perfect like you're a god or something, BUT YOU'RE NOT UGLY, I've never seen you as ugly. Not that others do! I just think that- I'll s-stop talking." She giggled, "I understand, now let's go, my fingers are aching to play." She wiggled her fingers in Hajime's face.

Soon enough their train came, of course it was full, afterall it is a train to Akihabara, it's bound to be full. Hajime held the pole and held Chiaki close, she took out her handheld, muted it and played til they reached their destination.

(a/n: its considered rude to talk/make loud noise in trains in japan)

Hajime sighed a sigh of relief as he stepped off the train, having Chiaki pressed up against him drove him crazy. She turned to him "Lead the way Master Cheif!" She was beaming with excitment, Hajime chuckled and started walking towards the cafe before he audibly gasped, Chiaki intertwined their hands, she looked up at him and smiled, her smile was his kryptonite, he quickly turned away from her and sped up. "H-hey Hinata! Slow down! I can't keep up" Chiaki was tripping over her own feet and the cracks in the side walk, she puffed her cheeks at Hajime, which in his opinion only made her cuter. "I'm sorry Nanami, I just want to get there before they close yknow?"

"I get it, just slow down a bit." She chuckled and tilted her head at him.

They continued on, they didn't need to speak, just having each other around was enough. As they reached their destination Chiaki's eyes went wide, she could see all the games from the window, she bounced "Let's go Hinata-kun!" Chiaki dragged Hajime inside and once she stepped in her jaw dropped, she felt as if she was in a dream, she spun around, getting a good look at everything around her. She jumped onto Hajime "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" Hajime hugged her tightly "I knew you'd like it here." "Like it? I love it? Let's go, c'mon" Chiaki dragged Hajime to the nearest game, he chuckled to himself, she's so quiet and reserved but when it comes to games, she's a completely different person. He thought to himself. Chiaki couldn't take her eyes off the screen, she was so focused that she had her tongue sticking out a bit in between her lips, Hajime wanted to poke it, but why? He had no reason to, he stared at her, he could barely focus on his own screen plus she was doing just fine without him, the flashing lights hitting Chiaki's soft skin made her seem unreal, the reflection of her screen in her eyes, the noises she'd make, it all made Hajime's heart flutter. "I'm gonna go get us some boba, what flavour do you want?" She stayed silent for a bit "Strawberry...probably." Her eyes didn't leave the screen, Hajime walked off to go get their boba. Once Hajime left, Chiaki felt lonely, why? He's still there, he just left to get some boba. Even though Hajime didn't do well with the game she still enjoyed his company, even if he was just standing their, but Chiaki didn't feel lonely for long, she soon felt two hands cover her eyes "Guess who?" She giggled and turned around, not caring about the game, Hajime handed her the boba and sipped on his "Wow, the games are great and so are the drinks" Chiaki held her cup with two hands and took a large sip. Hajime laughed to himself and leaned against the machine behind him, "I found DDR on the other side of the cafe, wanna have a competition?"

She gulped. "I'll wipe the floor with you!"

"Bring it on!"

They rushed to the DDR machine and discarded their empty cups, obviously Chiaki picked the hardest difficulty, Paranoia Survivor Max, hijinks ensued; Chiaki was getting a perfect score as always so Hajime decided to tickle her, it worked, she lost her combo & Hajime continued. Chiaki puffed her cheeks "Hajime, someone's stealing your phone!" Hajime quickly turned around and looked for his phone, Chiaki laughed as she continued to play, they decided to focus on their game however Hajime isn't the most graceful when it comes to DDR. Hajime ended up tripping on his shoelace and landed on top of Chiaki with a thud, he's seen enough anime to know that he's probably touching her breast or his face is in between her legs but no, this wasn't an anime. Even with Hajime on top of her Chiaki couldn't help but laugh, Hajime slowly lifted himself off the laughing girl. His hands were near her head, he was still on top of her but he didn't want to move, he's never heard her laugh like that, he bursted into laughter, he didn't care if people were staring, he was having fun, she was having fun. Chiaki started to snort, she tried stopping but the more she did the more she snorted, Hajime thought it was the most beautiful noise, cuter than her giggles, cuter than her hmph's, cuter than her sniffles, her unrestrained laughter was music to his ears. Once they both calmed down they got up off the floor and smiled at each other, they couldn't help it, it was so natural to them.

"I'm sleepy... Let's go home." She giggled softly as she grabbed Hajime's hand and laid her head on his shoulder. He put an arm around her and hugged her close, in that moment, he felt perfect, no need for a talent, no need to be an ultimate, no insecurities, no doubts, he felt perfect... With her.

hhhh i hope u liek it! im not a writer but i tried my best!

#danganronpa #shipping #hinanami #chiaki nanami #hajime hinata #sdr2 #chiaki x hajime #hajime x chiaki #i still dont know how to tag things right #this is shit #oops?#fanfiction #anime #love #hajime is trans #trans hajime

123 notes · View notes

slaminthebackofmy · 3 years

Text

i’m gonna put my playlist on shuffle and write what the songs remind me of while i listen to them, no one asked and no one cares but i’ve had so much caffeine and sugar today that there is no way in fresh hell i am going to bed anytime soon,

this is unnecessarily long, i’m just terrified of losing memories and i need these written down

deadroses - blackbear - september 2019 when i was getting ready for school. i used a rose cleansing water and the smell of it reminds me of this song, it was super warm and i had just come back from vacation in bulgaria with my family. used to watch the sunset with this song pretending i’m the main character. one time we went to a supermarket on the outskirts of town with this blasting in the car

anxiety - blackbear - almost the same as the previous one, october 2019 when i got led lights under my bed and i was just calming down from 4 months of paranoia and sleepless nights

one for the road - arctic monkeys - weird mood in december when all i would listen to was arctic monkeys and the nbhd, spent most nights on the dining room table blasting these just quiet enough to not wake my parents upstairs, my neighbours probably wished murder was legal

miroh - skz - miroh came out about a month after i found skz so i was still new to their music and the day it came out i was kinda sick and staying home from school so i got to enjoy the full thing in peace, i spent the next few days watching finding skz and then i blasted this throughout april which was a weird and rough month oh and also i started that other writing blog

often - the weeknd - i used to blast this in the 8th grade while i played that one paper airplane flash game before i discovered the magic of headphones fkgslkjgn

sweater weather - so many memories attached to this pretty bitch, finding it first through a sam and colby vine, walking home in the 6th grade from the dentist at night, standing on my balcony and watching super strong winds bring in very dark storm clouds almost completely covering the light from the sky above, except for one small window of light, last december

fantasy - dye - i found this i think last summer but it reminds me of my childhood and watching samurai jack for some reason

rumors - neffex - i accidentally clicked on a lyric video for this while i was staring at the moon one evening and the sky in the background picture of the video was exactly the same as the sky i was looking at and it just reminded me of a mid 2000′s teenagers room in my town, like older boys i used to have baby crushes on as a kid would have a room like that, gray walls, wooden desk with a computer and a bed with gray sheets with a window right above it and moonlight shining in, a red electrig guitar mounted on the wall and a skateboard leaned against the wall

arabella - arctic monkeys - i listened to an hour loop of this for a week straight non stop in december, i specifically remember dec 21st and wrote a lot on here

do i wanna know - arctic monkeys - there’s a few with this one, firsty it’s finding this song in the 9th grade when i was going to a youth club and i started listening to it because a girl from france that was there that i had a crush on liked it, secondly, finding bts in 2018 and listening to this while staring at the stars in a black tshirt, flannel and jeans with converse(yes i was that kid) and feeling the very moist air hit the back of my neck after we just got back from someone’s house that was selling clothes from home.

i miss the old u - blackbear - a lot of these are on my balcony because i love the sky lol but this one is too and just standing on my balcony in autumn 2019 after i got back from school just to watch the sky melt into a coral pink and orange

how you like that - blackpink - summer 2020, all i did was learn to play the ukulele and struggle with an issue i don’t wanna mention, the entire summer, with this playing in the background, i got my new laptop so i blasted this on there instead of my phone like most of the others on this list, also worked out to this song a lot

fly away - thefatrat - playing transformice in 2017 for HOURS and talking to dodgy people on there

dirty laundry - blackbear - you guessed it, getting ready for school in 2019, same as most other blackbear songs

god’s menu - skz - this came out the day after i got my laptop and the day that i got my ukulele, i remember watching the online concert while i waited for my mum to come home and bring me the uke, i watched it in my room in the dark and i literally had way more fun that i probably should have but they were so hyped up it was lovely

chateau - blackbear - autumn 2019 on my balcony watching the sunset

wonderland - caravan palace - similar to how you like that, listened to this all of summer 2020 while i was struggling with that issue, i used to pace around the second floor of my apartment with this song on and strut to the beat

feel special - twice - just when school started in 2019, i watched every studio ghibli movie that summer so i associate this song with those, i used to get ready for school with this blasting, and i remember dreaming about sana sitting in the rain a few times

pumped up kicks - going home from bulgaria in 2017 and getting stuck with no gas or cash in a little border town, we got there super late and most money exchanges were already closed so we had to get money from someone’s basement:) also summer 2020 when i learned to play this on the uke and it’s super easy and still my favourite one to play

why’d you only call me when you’re high - march 2018, i was making sugar cookies with leftover frozen dough from the last time i had made them, and while they were in the oven i went out on the balcony just to stare at the stars on the west

wow - danceracha - january, gameshow, that’s all i’m gonna say, i’ve been skipping through the songs once i wrote what i had to say but i’m gonna have to let this absolute bop play through, it’s the gay in me, why is this song so good what the FUCK

faggot - msi - reminds me of my childhood for some reason i think it was played a lot in some places, reminds me specifically of when i would walk home with my mum and see people sitting in an internet cafe we passed everynight that had neon signs inside

chronosaurus - april 2019, lee know saying tick tock tick tock getting closer was stuck in my head, almost got youtube premium just to be able to download that music video, may 2019, went on a school trip and listened to this on the days leading up to it, currently waiting for lee knows tick tock tick tock getting closer to play omfg why does he say it so well sjflkfj

505 - arctic monkeys - autumn - winter 2020, just sat in my dining room playing this and staring off into space

victory song - skz - LISTEN TO THIS 승전가, jisung and chan lifting their shirts lived rent free in my mind for a few months after this came out

cherry - itzy - summer 2020, issues and dancing a lot

get cool - skz - just got into them, feb 2019, used to listen to this when i was trying to learn their names🥺

hayloft - mother mother - oooohh a recent one, late january 2021, fell in love with a tiktok girl and decided to get my life together, played geoguessr with this on loop

love scenario - ikon - may 2018 when i was just really starting to get into kpop, this was one of the first non bts songs that i loved, i used to listen to it while reading wattpad lol

snap out of it - jan 2021, gameshow, reminds me of felix for some reason

hot girl bummer - late summer 2019, crying at night because of anxiety and pretending i was okie dokey during the day

daddy issues - the nbhd - may 7th 2018, super stormy outside, it was my younger cousins birthday, i spent the day in this one oversized shirt with donald duck printed all over it pretending i was talking to my crush at the time and staring at the rain clouds

be with you - cadmium - summer 2020, pacing around my apartment and those issues and finding this song through a video about those issues, i can’t find the channel anymore:(

reckless healy - january 2020, i was doing eyeliner all the time and just vibing, i had my doggie and all i did was scroll through tiktok and listen to music

ghost - confetti - november 2020, pretending i was the main character while singing this through my entire apartment

knee socks - arctic monkeys - same exact thing as arabella

goodnight i’ve been writing for so long and i’m finally tired

#for me #u can see my sparkle dying out as i continued the songs lol

2 notes · View notes