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Wish I never met you (Ghost)

A/N: It's finally here. I'm really proud of this one. Sorry it took so long to finish. Life really spiralled out of control. But if you still want to take the time to read this I would greatly appreciate it.

Tags: Zombie Apocalypse au!, Ghost x afab!reader, mentions of blood, death, mentions of suicide, Soap, Price, yelling, arguing, enemies to lovers, smut

Smut tags: kissing, p in v, oral (reader receiving), nipple play

Word count: 13173 words

Tag list: @mildlyhopeless @twdhtgawm @lilliumrorum

No one ever mentions how heavy a dead body is, not when the topic arises. The dead weight of someone in your arms, with absolutely no help. No it’s not something that crosses someone’s mind when thinking about death. You had never thought about it until now and well, he was so heavy, between all of the gear and the size of him, it was nearly impossible to pull him further than a few feet at a time.

Tears blurred your vision, dripping down your face and making it hard to identify where you were. It wasn’t something you normally had to pay attention to, he did that enough for the both of you, his head always on a swivel. Trying to pull him along from under his arms, your feet dug into the dirt and you put all your strength into it before falling over. His body laying on your legs as you couldn’t find the strength to move anymore. Blood filled your mouth as you bit your lips to stop the screaming, the familiar metallic taste making the tears fall even harder.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” You apologized softly, cradling his head in your arms as you gave up. “I can’t do this.” You said even softer, refusing to look at him and looking up at the dark sky. Screaming wasn’t an option, screaming meant losing both of your bodies forever and you were damned if you were going to let that happen. You were going to bring him home, you had to bring him home, you owed that to him. “Damn you.” You cried, smacking his still chest. “I wish I had never met you Simon Riley.” You meant every word, more tears falling from your eyes with each syllable. In a world like this it was better to be alone and before him, you knew that… before him, it was the way you survived.

Pressing your ear to the door, you listened diligently for shuffling or any other signs of life. There wasn’t a sound and while that would have been enough for someone else, it wasn’t enough for you. You absolutely didn’t trust it, it wouldn’t have been the first time that you walked into an apartment expecting to find it empty only to be rushed at by one of those things. No, you couldn’t be reckless like that.

Gently you rapped your fingers against the door, loud enough to create the softest sound but not loud enough for any other apartment to even catch a peep. You pressed your ear to the door again, once again not hearing a sound and only then did you decide it was safe enough to try. So far, your apartment building had been a gold mine. The apartments on your floor having had enough supplies to keep you alive this long. It felt seemingly unscathed aside from the few undead stragglers, it was nearly empty. It had been a blessing and a curse to you, thinking about your neighbors that were most likely long gone. The building had been full of families, parents who worked and children who went to school, families who simply were living their lives when the world ended. The outbreak hitting the big cities the hardest towards the middle of the day, no one had been home, well almost no one. It was hard to believe a simple cold was what kept you alive that day, having decided that morning that it wasn’t worth the fight to go into work.

Guilt filled your body each time you broke into someone else’s home and saw the life they had left behind. The pictures on the walls, the vases filled with dead flowers and children play room’s with untouched teddy bears, they haunted you as you tried to sleep every night.

You sighed stepping into the empty apartment, a sigh of relief that nothing had come running at you the second the door opened and a knowing sigh that this apartment would soon also become a location for your nightmares.

This apartment wasn’t familiar to you in the slightest, never having it’s residents before and that made it a little easier. Looking around you took in the décor and the details as you shut the front door behind you. Your hand gripped your knife tightly, just in case as you wandered around. You nearly passed the old photo hanging on the wall, a wedding photo of the couple that most likely lived here in their old age. A stinging sensation filled your chest and you shook your head. “Don’t think about it.” You mumbled to yourself, brushing past it quickly to make your way to the kitchen. “Don’t think about it.” You repeated to yourself as you rummaged through their cabinets and took any canned item you could find. While this was the new normal, stealing from people never felt normal.

However you weren’t against the little joys in life, spotting a can of cherry pie filling that made you smile. This was going to be your treat and those were few and far between. Rummaging through the drawers, you found a can opener and sat down on the couch. Was it your most shining moment, no, did it matter? Absolutely not. The sweet cherry taste made you damn near moan as you spooned them out of the can.

You pulled your knees under your chin, still eating the pie filling as you pretended life was normal for a moment before nearly jumping out of your skin at a sound. It wasn’t the sound of zombies or an animal, no it was the sound of people and those were nine times out of ten worse than the undead.

Shuffling around to your pack, you left your treat behind. This was stressful because there was no way to tell what category they fell into, meaning you had to get out before you found out. That was just what you were trying to do as you gripped your knife, slowly and carefully opening the front door again. You hadn’t however, anticipated the three guns trained on you or the heavily armed men staring you dead on from your crack in the door.

“You bit?” The one with a thick mustache asked and you shook your head, knife still gripped in your hand but out of sight from them. You could swear they could hear your heartbeat, through your clothes and through the wood of the door. Your pause in answering was for two reasons: one, you were taking in their appearance, military uniforms on, heavy gear and vests and one wearing a skull mask and two, you were trying to keep your voice steady despite your whole body shaking. They seemed like military men, but the mask was throwing you off…that and the way his intense eyes were staring at you.

“No. Could ask the same thing.” You said, all your efforts to keep your voice from shaking out the window. “As that is your right, no we’re all clear.” The man said with a smile, but you didn’t feel at ease, not quite yet. “Put the knife down.” The man in the skull mask said and your eyes shot to him with fear. How did he know? “I don’t think that’s fair. There’s three of you and one of me.” You admitted and watched the smallest of the three let out a laugh. “Honest, I like it.” He remarked but laughter was the last thing on your mind. “I understand the caution especially in times like this. We’re from the military base near by and we have been trying to clear buildings and get civilians a place of refuge. We aren’t here to harm.” It was true, times like this were hard and a little extra caution wasn’t an excessive luxury.

Maybe it was your lack of social interaction or maybe it was the sugar rush from the pie filling you ate, but you pulled the door open and maybe misplaced some trust into these men. It was also partially the idea of refuge. You hadn’t spoken to anyone but yourself in months and while you were absolutely terrified and outnumbered, your gut wasn’t yelling at you.

The second the door opened more, the man with the skull mask pulled you forward and knocked your knife out of your hand. “Just a precaution.” Skull mask grumbled, hands roughly tracing over your body. It wasn’t in an invasive way of any sort but in a protective way, just to make sure you weren’t hiding anything. His touches nearly knocked you over, not quite steady on your feet and you braced yourself on the wall for a moment. “Easy, Ghost.” The man with the mustache said, raising his hand to calm the other man’s movements. “Yeah, easy. I don’t have anything to hide.” You said, feeling venomous towards the man. “Like I haven’t heard that one before.” He said in your ear, finishing his pat down and moving to your backpack.

You stood against the door, watching them go through your things. It felt invasive, them taking the cans of food from your bag and looking through the change of clothes you always had with you. The book you were reading even fell to the floor and you sighed, bending over to pick it up.

“I think it’s fair, considering I’m outnumbered and you’ve held my underwear in your hands that I know your names.” You said, fidgeting with your book in your hand. The way these men searched your things and conducted their business had you convinced, that and the closer look to their badges and uniforms. “Captain John Price.” The man with the mustache told you, extending his hand to you. Hesitantly, you took it and watched as the man with the skull mask made sure you didn’t make any sudden moves. He hadn’t eliminated you as a threat just yet, nor did he appreciate your attitude.

“I’m Soap and our cheery friend here is Ghost.” The smaller of the three clasped his hand on the man’s shoulder. Ghost wasn’t one for situations like this, which made him the best one to take on jobs like this. While they were all good at paying extra attention in situations like this, he truly excelled at reading the room. When it came to character judgement however, he was still learning and he always would be. A rough childhood would do that to you, it made you see people a little darker than the average person. So your attitude didn’t spark any warm feelings in him, all he saw was a nervous doe in wolves clothing.

“You live here?” He asked, handing you your bag back but not your knife. “Haven’t left the building since this all started.” You admitted, looking to your shoes and avoiding the eyes on you. “Haven’t talked to anyone since this all started.” You added on and shook your head at your own sad admission. “Are there a lot of people? Where you guys are?” You asked suddenly, a wave of hope filling your chest only to be shot down instantly. “You’re in no position to be asking questions.” Ghost interrupted, watching the temporary light leave your eyes. They had a nice haven going, with families, a community and self sufficient living. There was a lot to lose by bringing in the wrong person.

“There are. We have a community all living in the base barracks.” Price told you, raising his hand to Ghost to tell him to lay off. He wasn’t sure what had gotten into his lieutenant, but something had sparked an immediate dislike towards you and he didn’t understand why. Besides, personal opinion in international crisis was the last of anyone’s worry. Everyone deserved a chance to survive, everyone deserved a chance to be protected. It was why they had all joined the service in the first place.

You didn’t tell them about your apartment, or that you had a lot of things still left there. You figured should their refuge not be what you expected, you could always come back. At least that was what you were telling yourself. It wasn’t that you wanted to come back, you didn’t want to need to, you wanted this to work. Even if Ghost was staring at you like you were seconds committing a crime at all time, if you had to live like that it was fine. You wanted to live, to survive and who knows how long you still would have lasted in that building. If the military were the ones to find the building, you were lucky, it could have been a lot worse and ended very differently.

That was what you were telling yourself as you were pulled out of their armored truck. It was clear you were in the base by all the stiff government buildings and the cement walls surrounding them. But it wasn’t conducting as a military base anymore, at least not officially. Sure there were men in uniform wandering around but what really surprised you was the amount of kids running around, playing. It had you stopped in your tracks, watching with a little smile.

The cherry pie filling had been your treat for the day, but seeing all these kids gave you hope and that definitely trumped the sweet treat.

“Haven’t seen kids in a while?” Soap asked, passing you your backpack. You shook your head, trying to make the tears disappear that you hadn’t realized had formed. “Not any that were alive.” You admitted, pushing back the less than pleasant memories that had formed in your mind. Your apartment building was home to families, of course you stumbled across awful sights and had to take care of things you would have preferred not to.

“Come on, I’ll show you to your bed and then off to the showers.” Soap smiled, placing a hand on your shoulder and your eyes went wide. That was a word you hadn’t thought about for a long time and you found yourself tearing up again. “Did you say showers?”

Once you’re isolated for an extended period of time, it’s hard to adjust to be around people again. Ghost knew this, so his eyes were plastered on you as you walked through the base. You looked better now, less like a cornered animal and that put him a little at ease but he was still weary.

“I don’t think she’s anything to worry about.” Soap said, unloading the canned food they had found on their trip. “I have a bad feeling, Johnny.” Ghost said in return, ripping his gaze from you to help. Soap shook his head with a laugh before turning to him. “What are you really worried about? Think she’s hiding something?” He asked him and Ghost shrugged for a moment. “Could be, just find it hard to believe that someone like that can survive so long without help. We’ve lost plenty of good people to less in the last months. What if she was just separated from her group?” He unloaded, letting his feelings towards this situation out. “We’ve brought back a lot of people under the same circumstances and you haven’t acted this way. Besides, you know as well as I do that people will do anything to survive, even if it seems unlikely. Look at differently, she’s strong. She has to be to have survived so long alone, she might even be an asset.” Ghost knew he was right, he knew he was just being paranoid. He couldn’t ignore that feeling in his chest when he looked at you though.

“How have you been adjusting?” Captain Price asked you, sitting at what you assumed was his office even before the world went to Hell. You fiddled with the fabric of your shirt as you thought of an answer. It didn’t help that Ghost was seated on the couch in the room, watching you think of something to say. He didn’t like you and that was clear, not that you were the biggest fan of him either. Adjusting hadn’t been easy but you didn’t want them to think you couldn’t handle it. You didn’t want to be turned away.

“I haven’t been sleeping well.” You said softly, avoiding Price’s eyes. “If it’s the cots, they take getting used to. The barracks weren’t made for civilians.” Price said with a sympathetic smile. You shook your head, raising a hand to stop him. “It’s not that- it’s-“ “It’s being around so many people. It’s too noisy, right?” Ghost asked and your head whipped around to him. How did he know?

“You get used to being alone so long, being around so many people can be overwhelming.” You admitted and you felt absolutely pathetic. A solid roof over your head, people that want to look after each other surrounding you and you couldn’t get a night’s sleep? You hated your body and mind for being so ungrateful.

He knew the feeling well, better than most. He struggled with this when they brought the first batch of survivors on base. They were strangers to him, sleeping a few feet away from him and they were loud. They weren’t really loud, he knew that. But you never quite realize how loud people are in general until it’s all taken away, it takes getting used to and he felt somewhat… sympathetic towards you. Being in the military equips you with coping mechanisms for things like this, it was harder for the average person.

“You’re not the first one to experience this. Which should be comforting, you’re adjusting normally.” Price told you and you feigned a smile. “If you need anything let me know.” Price added on and dismissed you. You didn’t feel comforted really, but you knew you needed to fight through it. It was a safe space and you hadn’t met anyone yet that made you uncomfortable, Ghost aside. You could do it, you had been through worse than a sleepless night.

You had been dreading the night and doing anything possible to avoid thinking about it. Oddly enough, there was plenty to do. You helped organize some of the canned food, looked into the farming system they had set up and helped cook dinner. It was a community and helping out made you feel better.

“There you are! Was beginning to think you were never going to show up.” Christine smiled as you entered the barracks. She had been kind to you from the moment you walked onto base, though it was clear she had been well socialized already. She never seemed to have an awkward moment with anyone and well, you were filled with them. It was nice to know she was worried about you though, it was dark outside and you had to sleep at some point.

“Yeah, was just doing a bunch. What’s up?” You asked, slowly walking together towards your cot. “One of the Lieutenant’s asked me to pass this along to you. You know, Ghost, the one with the skull mask.” She smiled, showing you the items in question. Earbuds and a historical fiction novel. “Did he say anything?” You asked, accepting the items with hesitation. He hadn’t said one kind thing to you since you got there, whatever this was about it couldn’t mean anything good. “Nope, just asked me to pass it along.” She said and you nodded in understanding, despite not understanding anything at all.

“Can I ask you something.” You said, mouth speaking before you even realized. “Of course.” She beamed, brushing her long blond hair behind her ear. She seemed eager at the chance of getting to know you more. “What’s his deal? Ghost’s. Like I’ve only seen him in the mask.” You asked, watching her smile pull even wider. “And that’s the only way you will see him. It never comes off. He’s a good guy though, I think. The most he’s said to me was asking me to give you that. He takes good care of everyone though. Just not with a lot of words. The kids think he’s a superhero.” You found yourself smiling at the way she talked about him and you could totally see the kids seeing him as a superhero.

The mask thing didn’t become anymore clear to you and well, you definitely weren’t going to ask him about it. You simply took his token of kindness and kept your mouth shut.

It wasn’t unusual for some of the guys doing security checks to wander through the barracks to make sure nothing was wrong. Ghost was lucky enough to be the one to have to do it this time, much to his own dismay. However duties were duties and while he’d definitely complain about it, he’d do it. He was curious to see if you were awake anyways.

With his gun tucked into his arms, he stepped lightly into the barracks. Wandering in between all the beds, he made sure nothing was out of the ordinary. Head on a swivel as he double checked perimeter until he reached your bed. The book he had leant you was nothing special, some boring historical novel he had lying around. Each time he had tried to read it, it lulled it right to sleep so he thought it might have the same effect on you. As for the earbuds, they worked better some days more than others. He didn’t know why he cared about if you slept well, he just knew he did.

By the looks of things it worked, the book lay open on your chest and the earbuds were tucked snugly into your ears. You were out cold and looked peaceful. From the moment you had been here, he had his eye on you and it always looked like you were going to run. This was the first time you had seemed okay, normal even.

Your chest rose and fell softly, your lips slightly pursed together as you slept deeply. Ghost sighed while looking at you, reaching out to take the book off your chest and folding a corner of the page you were on to keep your place for you. He then placed it next to your cot, taking another moment to look at your face. He was starting to understand it, the feeling he always had in his chest when he looked at you. This would have happened in the normal world too, had he have seen you. You were the prettiest thing he had ever seen and while pretty things didn’t normally make him weak, times were different and so was he.

They hadn’t been wrong about the time it took to adjust, it wasn’t long until you were fully on your feet and used to life at the base. One thing was sure though, you were itching to see how things truly were on the outside. Between the apartment building and the base, you had lived a sheltered life compared to most. You liked being able to fend for yourself and that was a quality you felt slowly disappearing. If something happened you had to know how to protect yourself again, how to exist in this world.

“Hey Y/N!” A small voice called as you walked across the base. You knew exactly who it was and it took no 2 seconds for small hands to tug at the edge of your shirt. You scooped the boy up in your arms, tickling him as you did and enjoyed the laughter that came out of it. “Jackson does your mom know you’re running around like a wild child?” You asked, still walking but now with the child on your hip. Christine’s son was an absolute ray of sunshine and you would do anything if it meant keeping that joy safe.

“Ghost is going to get supplies. I wanted to go with them but they told me I wasn’t allowed until I’m older.” He rambled, ignoring your question meaning his mother didn’t know. You were just glad Ghost and Soap had enough common sense to tell him he couldn’t come along. “Is that so, well how about I go talk to them about it?” You said, placing the boy back on the ground and looking towards the car that was being loaded up. “Yes! I want to go.” He pouted up at you and you ruffled his hair. “And I’ll let them know.” You promised, pink swearing with the child before making your way over.

“That little con artist convince you to talk us into taking him with us?” Soap asked, both of the men having seen the interaction between you and the child. “You have to admit for a six year old he can be quite persuasive.” You fired in return, smiling as you looked at Ghost. He wasn’t rude to you anymore and you could appreciate that. His presence around you felt overwhelming like he was always there, watching. The least he could do was be nice about it. “But no, I was going to ask if I can go with you guys.” Ghost’s expression, from what you could tell, drained from any amusement.

“No way.” He said bluntly, not even wanting to think about having you out there. He hated having to bring others along, civilians, but the thought of bringing you along was worse. He couldn’t focus with you around, he wouldn’t be able to be the best he could be out there.

“Jesus LT, lighten up. We’ve gone to that area a million times. Y/N’s good for it.” Soap said, not understanding the blunt response. “We can make this a civilian run, they need to know how to do this stuff too. Just in case.” He added on, hands gripping the shoulder straps of his vest. “I’d rather strip naked and dance in front of those zombies with no fence in between us, than do a civilian run.” Ghost responded, the remark making you bite back a laugh and making Soap pull a face. “I’d pay good money to see that.” You joked, watching Ghost’s eyes go back to looking at you. He was smiling, you could tell by the way wrinkles formed by his eyes but you wouldn’t let him know that you knew.

“I’d burn my eyes if I saw that.” Soap cringed before shaking his head. “Y/N go get a pack. I’ll get someone else to come along too.” He said shortly after, ignoring the way Ghost was bawling his fists.

“You really have a stick up your arse when it comes to her.” Soap turned to him, confused look on his face. “If someone else would ask you’d be annoyed but not care.” “She’s not someone else.” Ghost mumbled, needing to vent his feelings but not knowing how to do it. “Got a crush there LT?” The words already just sounded stupid. He was a full grown man at the end of the world, saying he had a crush was ridiculous. “Shut up.”

The car ride was painfully silent, an awkward air filling the car. Between you, Soap, Ghost and the man you knew who worked in the kitchen who’s name was Jack, the tension was thick enough to cut with a knife. You swallowed the lump in your throat, looking between the 2 military men in the front seat. Ghost’s gloved hand gripping the steering wheel as you drove through back roads. There was a feeling in the pit of your stomach when you looked at him, confusion combined with frustration and butterflies. Fear was also in the mix, not sure of what to expect now that you were on the outside.

“Where are we going?” You asked, trying to cut the tension. You watched as zombies took notice of the car driving by, slowly changing their direction to the noise not knowing they wouldn’t be able to keep up. “Small string of shops. We haven’t cleared them out yet but we haven’t been there in a while, so if we haven’t someone else might have.” Soap explained, glancing back to you and you nodded. “Remember, we’re looking for preserved food.  Cans, bags, things that can’t really go bad.” Ghost added on, icy blue eyes locking with yours through the mirror. He tore his gaze away first before putting his eyes back to the road.

“We’re splitting up and meeting back here in max 2 hours. Stick to your partner. I-“ Soap was cut off, as you all stood in front of the now parked car. “I’ll go with Y/N. You go with Jack.” Ghost announced, pointing the other two men to each other. It seemed Soap could sense your dread, shooting you a sympathetic look. “Right, 2 hours.” He confirmed with everyone, making sure everyone understood.

You felt uneasy, not because you were finally out of the base but because of the fact he chose to be with you. Did he really still not trust you after all this time, not after the small things he had done for you? Or the way you adjusted to everyone and tried to help out where you could. Why couldn’t he see how hard you were trying?

“I’m surprised.” You said, looking everywhere but at him as you prepared to enter the first store. “Surprised at what?” He grumbled, before carefully opening the door. It was eerily quiet out and extra caution wasn’t a bad thing. “You picked me to partner up with. Especially considering how badly you didn’t want me coming along.” You explained, following behind him. “It’s not that important.” He said and you sighed, ignoring the remark and wandering through the shop. It didn’t seem to have much else other than baby supplies. Picking up some bottles and other things some of the moms back at the base might need. It wasn’t on the list but it was important.

“Planning on getting pregnant some time soon, those weren’t on the list.” Ghost hovered over you and you looked at him with a harsh expression. “No and I know these weren’t on the list. But there are plenty of moms with young babies at the base. Stuff like this is good.” You said and watched him roll his eyes for a moment before continuing to look. He wasn’t annoyed at you, no, he was annoyed at himself for not thinking about that, not to mention there were a few pregnant women around too. Maybe it was good that you came along.

“I can’t believe you still don’t trust me.” You said, voice cracking for a second despite how strong you were trying to be. It was bothering you, you wanted him to like you, to trust you.

“This has nothing to do with trust.” He said in return, surprised at your outburst. “Bullshit.” You rumbled back and picked up your bag to keep going. There were plenty more stores to go through and you were so frustrated, you didn’t want to be around him anymore.

The silence was even more uncomfortable now, so much so it even bothered him. He just didn’t know what to say, he didn’t mean for things to this way. Ghost was so in his feelings about the whole thing, he didn’t notice you had wandered off which was rare because if anything he always paid too much attention. “Y/N?” He asked, not wanting to raise his voice too much. Maybe you went into the next store, he thought to himself as he wandered around with a wave of panic through his body. “Y/N?” He said, a little louder this time as he scanned the store quickly. The moan of a zombie however made him whip his head around. This store was overrun and surely you wouldn’t be stupid enough to run in here. At least that’s what he thought, until he saw your backpack on the ground.

He already saw why you did what you did, the back wall was filled with canned goods and you thought you were doing a good thing. But where were you? He couldn’t see you anywhere at first glance, until he saw you on top of one of the shelving units waving at him to not come closer. They hadn’t seen him yet or heard him.

You were absolutely panicking, your heart pounding in your ears and you were looking at Ghost with nothing but pure fear. Of all situations you could have ruined, you really mucked this one up and now he was going to have to save you, which you hated even more.

Ghost gestured for you to carefully grab your knife from your belt and you listened, trying not to move too much or make too much noise. He urged you to slowly come off the shelf, but you felt stuck. They would definitely see you and they were no 2 feet away from you. Just as you were gathering the courage, lifting your legs off the shelf, a zombie crossed right next to you and your heart nearly stopped. Covering your mouth, you couldn’t let it hear you breathe. When it wandered further you looked back to Ghost, who gestured for you to hurry up, his other hand gripping his gun. Surely he wouldn’t let you die like this? Right?

Gathering all of your courage, you pushed off the shelf and listened how the metal sang under the pressure. It was like the whole room came to life, roars and hisses chasing after you as you made a run for the door. You avoided the arms coming towards you, the smell of rotting flesh drawing nearer as you held back a scream. The last thing you needed was to draw more of them to you from other areas. God you felt like you needed to throw up and the second you were out of this situation you would.

The door was in your grasp and you were so close, until you realized you forgot your backpack. Now, the smart thing to do would have been to leave it behind. Well you were dumb enough to get into this situation and you were dumb enough to go back.

You looked at Ghost before turning around, narrowly avoiding the grasp of a zombie. “What the hell are you doing?” He almost yelled, no longer staying quiet before diving into the store after you. He fired shots, taking down the one closest to you as you grabbed the backpack. Ghost reached for the back of your shirt, pulling you harshly as he used the hand holding his gun to bash another zombie that was charging you both.

With the backpack in your hands, you both ran for the door and slammed it shut the second you got outside. The door shook on it’s hinges as Ghost held it shut, urging you to find something to keep it shut. You found a thick chain on the ground, wrapping it around the door handles. It wouldn’t hold forever, but it would hold for now.

“Are you guys alright, we heard shots?!” Soap called, running to you both and ready for a fight. You were about to respond when Ghost grabbed your arm and made you look at him. “Are you suicidal? Or just that fucking stupid?!” He yelled in your face, the grip on your arm strong enough to leave a bruise. You were in shock, not at the zombies or the near death experience, but the way he yelled at you… the way there was nothing but pure hatred in his eyes. “Your stupid fucking decisions are going to get you and other people killed. Going back for your backpack?!” He continued, Soap putting his hand on his shoulder to stop him only to have it get shaken off.

“I-I-I couldn’t leave it behind. People need that stuff.” You said softly and Ghost shook his head, damn near laughing at you. “Everyone get in the fucking car, we’re going back. Don’t want to deal with this shit today.” Ghost commanded, snatching the backpack out of your hands and pushing you lightly towards the car.

His blood was boiling, how could you do something so stupid? Were you really the type to act on your emotions like that? Wandering off because you were annoyed, you could have gotten killed and he would have felt even more guilty than he already did.

“Hey, cool down.” Soap grabbed his shoulder again, watching as you got in the car. “You like her but acting like this? One sure fire way to terrify her.” He added on and Ghost just shook his head. “Can’t believe she’d be that stupid.” He mumbled and his friend simply shook his head. “Can’t believe you think everyone’s a soldier.” Ghost shook his head at his friend’s words, feeling a lot of emotions. “Let’s just go back.”

You sat on your bed, aimlessly staring out in front of you. If things weren’t awful between you two, they definitely were now and it was making your stomach hurt. The overwhelming feeling of anxiety sat on your chest like a brick and you felt restless, your hands playing with your blankets as you thought about what to do. The matter of the fact was: you fucked up earlier and you had to face it. Maybe Ghost would be understanding, maybe he’d appreciate the apology.

It felt odd being around the soldiers rooms, like you were in restricted territory. Which wasn’t entirely wrong, but it seemed to general rule that no one really went back there. Another rule you were breaking.

You reached his door, knocking with a gentle hand only to receive no response. Repeating the action, you knocked again and gently tried the door handle. When you found it gave way, you did something even more stupid than what you had done earlier, you went into his room, only to instantly regret it. You intruded his space and well, now you did a whole lot more.

“I wanted to apolo-“ You were frozen, looking at his face. His scarred, handsome face without his mask. “Fucking leave.” He grumbled, hardly even making eye contact with you. He simply stood in the middle of his room, furrowed brows looking at you. Nothing but anger and hate filled his voice. “I’m so sorry.” You rambled, trying to leave again and tripping on your way out. You wanted to scream and cry, yell and hit yourself all at the same time. You felt like a bumbling idiot and now you even saw Ghost without his mask, something you weren’t even sure anyone else on base had seen.

Ghost was speechless as he stood in his room. He wasn’t insecure in his looks at all but he had made it a point to keep himself “faceless”. He wasn’t even that mad that you had just seen him like that but still angry with your recklessness. It wasn’t your job to put your life on the line for everyone else, yet you did it anyways without hesitation. Part of his anger was admiration, not that he understood it. Maybe he was too hard on you, maybe Soap was right. Just maybe, if he wasn’t so harsh on you, you wouldn’t try so hard to be accepted by everyone else.

“You want to go back to the apartment building?” Price looked at you with a confused expression as you played with your hands. “I know, I know it sounds stupid. Especially since I mucked things up so bad the last time.” You paused taking a deep breath to look at him. Price had become a true leader to everyone around and to you, you felt like you could talk to him. “I’ve been thinking about my place here within the group. I want to do more. I just know that building is loaded with supplies, I know my apartment still has a lot.” You finished and watching his face contort in contemplation. “If it’s about letting me back out there, I know I shattered the trust there.” You added on and Price shook his head, raising his head to stop you. “No, no it’s not that. Soap cleared that situation up to me.” Price said and you gave a half smile, Soap shouldn’t have to clear things up for you, it was your own fault.

“I don’t like it when there is conflict in the community. It’s small and fragile here, so everything needs to move smoothly. Like a well oiled machine.” Price was rambling, looking at your questioning expression as he did so. “I guess what I’m trying to say is, I’ll let you go but only if you go with Ghost.” He truly was like a father, forcing his kids into the same room to get along. It wasn’t like you and Ghost were winning any teamwork awards before the incident, though you liked to believe he at least tolerated you then. You had absolutely frozen each other out since it all happened, he didn’t shoot one glance your way and you tried not to think too much about it. “I’m okay with that, as long as you ask him.” You said in response and watched him hold back a laugh.

His hands were gripping the steering wheel, it was noticeable even through his gloves. Ghost hadn’t said one word since you had gotten into the car together. There was no readable emotion in the air or his eyes, but there was a silent agreement to not say anything unless it needed to be said. Making amends in silence would be better than not making amends at all.

Stepping out in front of your building, you looked at him before bracing yourself to ask a question. “What’s the plan?” You asked, prepping yourself before going in. “It wasn’t crowded the last time we were here and got you, so I’m assuming it’ll be about the same.” He paused, finally looking at you and his expression wasn’t what you expected. Now that you had seen his face you could fill in the blanks. His expression was soft and almost gentle. “Top to bottom seems like the best way to go.” He added on and you nodded in agreement. This meant your apartment would be up quite quick. You weren’t sure if you were ready for it, but you weren’t going to let your emotions win today. Ghost would have to kill you to get rid of you and you weren’t sure he would be able to do that.

The first few apartments were near empty, a few stray cans and not one zombie in sight. It took no hour to clear the top floor and make your way down one, to your floor.

“You’re awfully quiet today.” Ghost remarked, checking a door before opening it. “Thought it would be better to not say anything, so I can’t say or do anything stupid again.” You explained as he checked the rest of the rooms briefly, leaving you to check a few of the cans left in the cabinet. “Smart.” He remarked and you nodded at him in agreement. “I’m sorry for how I behaved that day, my attitude was bad and it nearly got us both killed.” You said softly, trying to not make the situation anymore awkward than it needed to be. “I’m even more sorry for invading your personal space, Ghost.” You finished your apology, your eyes meeting as he watched you pack your bag.

“Any good cans in the mix?” He asked, making the choice to not embarrass you further as he could see it written over your face. “Canned ravioli. Seems we’ll be eating like kings.” You smiled in return, appreciating his courtesy.

Ghost watched you wander through the hall, closing his eyes for a moment to imagine this scene without all of the decay. This used to be your home, he couldn’t help but think about this scenario in a different time. Like coming home from work after a long day with groceries in hand, even exhausted you probably looked pretty. Hell, you looked pretty now.

You paused in front of the next door and took a deep breath, Ghost standing next to you. “Know the people who lived here?” He asked and you snorted slightly. “You could say that. This is my apartment.” You said, watching his eyes widen. You kicked the welcome mat to the side, revealing your spare house key and unlocked your door. “Welcome to my humble abode, Ghost.” You said, even kicking your shoes off out of habit as you entered. The action was endearing, especially watching you drop your bags to enter like you owned the place which in all reality you did.

“Call me Simon.” He told you, redirecting your attention to him fully. “Simon?” You asked, not anticipating his calm tone. He closed your front door behind him, carefully dropping his bags too and decided to take this moment for a break. “Yeah, you’ve seen my face after all. Maybe you should know my name.” He told you and you shook your head with a smile. “Thought we silently agreed that we were going to let that go.” You joked and he laughed, a real laugh. The type that comes from your stomach and bubbles up. “That’s what you thought. I’ll hold it over your head for a while.” Simon looked your way through the mask.

“I’m going to grab some of my clothes to take back with us.” You told him and he nodded. “Not a fan of the cargos we supplied?” He asked, watching you disappear into what he assumed was your bedroom. “I know I’m not in a position to complain but, No.” Your response made him smile.

While you were in the back, he wandered around your living room and taking it all in. There were pictures of you and your friends and family, making him once again picture what your life was like. For a moment, he even tried puzzling himself into it. Would he have met you at a super market? Or out for a run in the morning? Would he have ever made it back to your apartment if it wasn’t for the given circumstances? He shook his head as if it would get rid of the thoughts. He had gone from channeling all of his emotions into anger, to now thinking about what life with you could be like.

“Simon, you okay?” You asked, gently placing your hand on his shoulder. His back was facing you and it seemed like he was in deep thought. “Yeah, yeah I’m fine.” He said and moved away from the pictures to sit on your couch. “You look really pretty in those pictures.” He remarked, watching your face get flushed at the sudden compliment. “Thank you?” You said, not meaning for it to sound like a question but you couldn’t help it. Joining him on your couch, you instinctively tucked your knees to your chin and looked at him. It was comical, seeing this large military man sitting on your couch. Never in a million years did you think this was something you would witness.

“You’re staring at me.” He remarked and you laughed. “Nothing you haven’t done to me. When I first got to the base you watched me like a hawk.” You retorted and he nodded his head, getting comfortable and sinking into your couch cushions. He spread his legs, muscular thighs taking up more space on your small couch and definitely not going unnoticed by you. Knowing what he looked like under the mask made it impossible not to be attracted to him, that matched with his sudden kindness to you, you had to press your thighs together.

“I didn’t trust you and well, it’s not like we see beautiful women every day. It was refreshing.” He admitted, getting comfortable enough to reach up and pull off his mask. You had seen him already, this was okay. It didn’t matter anymore. You had to bite back a gasp at his sudden actions, just looking at him with wide eyes again. His hair was all messy from the mask, all tousled and you just wanted to grab it.

He looked at you, really looked at you. Showing you his whole face again, this time without an angry expression but a relaxed one. It was making you swallow thickly and look away, looking to your window instead of at him.

“Is that why you were so mean to me? Because you didn’t trust me or because you thought I beautiful?” You asked and you listened to him laugh again, shifting his weight closer to you. “A little bit of both. Why do you want my approval so bad?” You nodded at his question, still not looking at him and debating how to answer. “Curiosity.” You replied shortly. The tension that had disappeared earlier was back and now you could put a name to it, sexual tension.

“Look at me. It’s been a while since someone has seen my real face.” Simon’s gloved hand grabbed your chin, his weight shifting on the couch a bit more to get you to look at him. Your heart was racing in your chest, his face so close to yours and his large hand holding your chin. You looked at him, swallowing your fear and lifting your hand. He winced slightly, your soft fingers touching the lines on his face. “I thought you hated me.” You mumbled, tracing over one of his scars as his hand moved from your chin to leg. “I hear that a lot.” He admitted, squeezing your thigh gently before using his grip to pull you closer. You could nearly feel his breath against your face, getting closer to you before simply pulling you into his lap.

“So you don’t hate me then?” You asked, heart pounding at the position you were in as he looked up at you. Straddling his thighs, your hands settled on his shoulders and he shook his head. “I hate how stupid you can be, throwing away your life for others you hardly know when it isn’t even your job. But I don’t hate you.” He held your waist, his hands moving up slowly as you cupped his face. He cared and that’s why he was always angry with you. “I think you’re stubborn and annoying, but I definitely don’t hate you.”

Simon’s hands squeezed your sides, the motion making you rock over his thighs gently. You never know how touch starved you are until you’re touched again and Simon’s fingers were lighting fires over your body. He hadn’t even touched your skin yet.

“Simon-“ You shut your eyes, not being able to handle the way his eyes were watching you and taking in the way your body moved under his touch. “God you’re so pretty.” He said, more for himself than for you as he moved to hold your face. The rough fabric of his gloves made you wince, opening your eyes and grabbing his hands to take the gloves off. “I wanna feel your skin.” You mumbled, leaning forward as his bare hands found your waist again and slipped under your shirt. He massaged your skin, feeling something so soft for the first time in a long time making him close his eyes for a moment. Your forehead pressing into his before finally closing the gap between you two.

His lips were rough against yours, pressing his chest into yours as he tried pulling you even closer to him. His breath heavy as his tongue dipped into your mouth, using everything in him not to just flip you both over and take you. He hadn’t felt this way in a long time, not for anyone even before the world went to shit. He wasn’t going to ruin it now because he was horny, he could be patient.

You started to pull away, wanting his vest off, at least some of the layers separating you both. You fumbled with the closures and he watched with amusement before helping. He pulled it off easily, making you sigh with annoyance as he could have spared you a little bit of time. Simon smiled and cupped your face with his large hands. “Listen beautiful, I’m in no rush so you shouldn’t be either.” He said in a tone you hadn’t heard from him before. It was soft and reassuring and made you need him a whole lot more than before.

He kissed you again, one of the hands holding your cheek sliding down to grab your ass through your pants. He used this grip for leverage, flipping you onto your back on the couch and making you moan against him. Simon was straining against his cargo pants, cock painfully hard and he wanted you to feel it. You nearly bit his lip as you felt his hard on pressing into you, whimpering at the contact and throwing your head back into the couch cushions. He took the moment to kiss down the expanse of your neck and his hands to the chance to roam and squeeze every part of you. Simon wanted to memorize all of this.

“I know you said no rush but God Simon if you don’t touch me soon I’m going to explode.” You told him, sitting up slightly to pull your shirt off. “Needy, needy, needy.” He tutted, taking his own top off before connecting his lips to your collarbone. Marking you up wasn’t something that he needed to do, he would make sure everyone back at camp would know that you were his from this moment on so he simply focused on kissing your skin gently. Your hands moved over his bare arms and shoulders, loving the feeling of his skin under your fingers before tangling in his hair. You guided his kisses, moving them closer to the edge of your bra and needing more stimulation.

He took your bra off smoothly, tossing it to the other side of the room before letting his rough hands play with your breasts. Rolling your nipples between his thumb and listening to every little noise coming from you. God he was going insane. His lips latched onto on of your nipples, sucking and licking the nub as you pulled his hair. “Fuck I missed touch so much.” You moaned, eyes screwed shut as his fingers danced over your stomach and travelled lower and lower. “Being touched been on your mind a lot?” Simon asked, tongue flicking over your nipple while undoing the button of your pants. “Only when it came to you.” You admitted guiltily, looking him in the eyes at the confession for a response. His cock practically twitched at your words and he decided that his self control only extended so far.

“Fuck.” He grumbled, tugging your pants down harshly together with your underwear. “What happened to no rush?” You asked, looking at the practically mad man between your legs. His thumb brushed over your clit making you gasp before he leaned down, kissing the bundle of nerves. “Out the window because my pants are on the verge of ripping.” He stated and licked a stripe over your slit before settling on your clit. His muscular arms were wrapped around your thighs, fingertips sure to leave marks and pulling sounds from your lips you forgot you were capable of making. You tangled your fingers in his hair again, watching him eat you like a starved man as you tried not to scream. “Oh my god, Simon.” You moaned, thighs squeezing his head slightly as his tongue traced circles over you. “That feels so good.” You rambled, the stimulation being so much for having not been touched in so long.

His tongue lapped up every bit of you, humming at the taste and the sting of your nails scratching his scalp slightly. Your babbling was cute, moaning at rambling about how good he was doing. He couldn’t help but grind his hips into the couch, his briefs clinging to his hard on uncomfortably. You were bucking your hips against his tongue and he opened his eyes to watch your face for a moment before pulling away. If you were going to cum it was going to be around his cock because he couldn’t wait anymore. You were wet enough, you could take him.  

You sat up the moment he let you go, hands reaching for his belt and undoing the buttons and zipper. In the process, you looked at his tattoos and muscular build, thinking of all the way he could use it against you. You had a little taste of what he was like and now you couldn’t get enough. He helped you push his pants and briefs down, his cock practically letting out a sigh of relief at being let free.

Simon pushed you back into the couch getting back in  between your legs, placing one of them over his shoulder to get a better angle as he teased your entrance for a moment. “God forgive me if I’m rough but I can’t wait anymore.” He spoke, apologizing not necessarily to you but for how he knew he was about to fuck you into the couch cushions. His self control was gone and your heart was pounding with anticipation.

Wasting no time, he slipped himself into you fully. The stretch made you cry out and your hands looked for something to hold onto as you adjusted. His shallow slow thrusts doing a good job of stretching you out before leaning over you and pressing your knee into your chest. “I need more.” You whimpered, his face close to yours again. He kissed you roughly before slamming into you harder now, the angle making  tears spring into your eyes at how good it felt. You knew for sure you were going to find bruises on your hips later but it was worth it, it felt so good you could hardly contain yourself. Your pussy squeezed him tightly, holding onto him every time he fucked into you. “Christ-“ He choked out, nearly whimpering himself as he made sure to keep his pace up. Simon could tell he was going to cum soon already and he needed you there with him.

His sounds had you absolutely seeing stars, cock hitting that sweet spot inside of you like he was made for you. You watched his hair cling to his forehead slightly, the veins in his arms holding him up over you, the way his abs contorted with each thrust and the way his cock was stretching you out. “Simon-“ You moaned out, pulling his face close to yours for another kiss. “I’m gonna cum.” You moaned against his lips and he smiled. “Come on beautiful, give it to me.” He coaxed it out of you, his rough voice making your walls flutter around him. “Cum for me.” He added on, his pace getting faster and harder to chase his own high. He furrowed his brows in focus and that was enough for you.

You were about to scream, your orgasm hitting you like a ton of bricks but Simon placed his hand over your mouth just in time. A silent reminder that despite how normal this all felt, you couldn’t be too loud. Simon’s weight collapsed on top you, wrapping both of your legs around his waist as you felt him cum inside of you. His hand was still over your mouth, your walls squeezing him and spasming as you came down from your high. You were both sweating, his chest slightly sticking to yours as you moved his hand from your mouth. His breathing was heavy and his face was buried in your neck, hips still gently thrusting into you to make sure not one of drop went to waste. Your whimpers were soft in his ear, overstimulation setting in with each move of his hips.

Simon looked at you, hands massaging your waist and hips alternating slowly as he looked at your pretty face. Your eyes were shut lightly, focusing on your breathing as you tried to pull yourself together. “I missed sex.” You said softly, disrupting the silence and making Simon laugh. “Haven’t had sex where someone sees my face in a long time.” He laughed and you cocked an eyebrow at him. “So the mask usually stays on?” You asked, genuine curiosity in your voice and he nodded. “Always.” He smirked and you slapped his arm lightly. “Might have to try that out sometime.” You remarked and you both sat up. “The mask really do it for you?” He asked teasingly, hand grabbing your chin and kissing you harshly again.

“That took a while!” Soap called out as you both exited the car. “Was worried I was going to have to bring out the body bags.” He added on and Ghost slammed one of the bags of supplies into his chest. “Make yourself useful Johnny.” He grumbled, shaking his head at his friend’s words. You smiled to yourself, unloading the rest of the supplies and handing them to other people helping out. “Think that was everything.” You told them after unloading the last bag and grabbing your own. “I’m going to my bunk.” You announced, walking away with a small smile on your face. Heavy footsteps rushed behind you and snatched your bag from your shoulder, surprising you.

“What are you doing?” You asked, looking at Ghost staring at you with your bags in hand. “What are you doing?” He said, tone stern causing Soap to watch the scene. “Grab the rest of your stuff and put it in my room.” Soap’s eyes went wide and Christine who happened to walk past, stopped for a moment. “Okay.” You said, nodding softy. He wasn’t a man of many words, so you weren’t going to ask questions. So you just walked away to grab the rest of your things.

Ghost walked the opposite direction, bringing your bags to his room and he could see questions and remarks brewing in his friend. “Best be quiet Johnny.” He said, silencing him before anything could even be uttered.

Weeks passed and the weather got warmer, Simon kept you close and made sure everyone around silently knew what was going on. He loved you and he wasn’t shy about it, though he wouldn’t utter the words out loud. Saying them made it more real and anything real in this world was taken from you in an instant. You were together but kept at a distance from each other, the fear of getting too real a silent agreement.

It was only those three words keeping the distance between you two, everyone could see it. Even through his mask, any time he looked at you too long his eyes went soft and Johnny was making jokes. Price felt chuffed about it all, like some sort of twisted match maker. Despite no one knowing just how it all started, it was clear.

“Where were you this morning?” He asked, watching you serve up food to the other inhabitants. His hands on your hips pulling your back flush to his chest. “Got an early start, decided to help with breakfast.” You hummed, feeling him pull his balaclava up slightly to kiss the side of your neck. You hummed in response, smacking his thigh to get him to stop as there were kids around. “Hmm fine.” He grumbled, pulling the mask back down and giving you a look. “What’s that look for?” You asked, undoing your apron and pulling him close again. He just held you, not answering and resting his head on top of yours. “Well?” You asked again, knowing his silence meant he was keeping something from you. “We’re going on a run today.” He said softly and you perked up. You hadn’t been out of the base in so long, it would be nice to get out.

“Good, I’ve been going a little stir crazy.” You said and lifted his mask quickly to kiss him, but he pulled away. “We, meaning me and Johnny.” He corrected and you let the mask snap back into place. The world outside was getting worse and worse by the week, if he could keep you in the base for as long as he could, he would. You were the last good thing he had.

“Oh come on, I haven’t been out of here in so long.” You pleaded and he shook his head. Despite the fact that he knew you were going to win this argument. “I want to keep it that way.” He held your face, making you look him in the eyes. “Listen if this was a normal relationship I wouldn’t be like this but nothing is normal anymore, I need you to stay here. I need something to come back to. I-“ He had to stop himself from saying it. You looked at him, knowing what he meant but having a hard time accepting it. “What about me? What if you don’t come back?” You said to him, not one joking tone in your voice. This wasn’t funny, you needed him too. He was quiet, just looking at you and holding you. “I’m going with you. Tell Johnny he can stay here and that I’m going with you.” You told him with a soft smile and he shook his head. “You’re a stubborn woman.” He remarked, voice gruff to hide the worry plaguing his mind. “That’s one of the reasons you like me.” You rebuked and he shook his head again, leaning down to kiss you. “I’ll go talk to Johnny.”

“Jackson asked me to look for some toys or something. Poor boy seems bored out of his mind.” You remarked during the drive, your hand playing with the hair on the nape of his neck as he drove. Being alone made this easier. “I just know that in a few years he’s going to cause trouble on the base.” Simon said and you nodded with a laugh. “Probably, the world ending doesn’t stifle being a difficult teenager.” You smiled and he squeezed your thigh from the drivers seat. “But yeah we can see if there’s something for him. Think all the kids could use some amusement.” This was what drew you in about him, he was secretly such a softie. “See I’m helpful to have around.” You retorted and he slapped your thigh softly. Being helpful wasn’t the issue.

“Be careful when we walk through here, some of the building structures are starting to crumble.” He coached as you walked behind him into a supermarket. “Okay.” You said and felt your stomach do a flip. You were suddenly nervous, having not been out of the base in so long, you were paranoid and scared.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” He asked, noticing your hesitation for a moment. His glove covered hand placed on your stomach, pulling you close to him. “Just nervous, suddenly. Think it’s because I haven’t been out in a while.” You clarified, looking him in his eyes to show him you were okay. “If you are hesitating, we’re turning around and going back.” You shook your head and waved your hands. “No, no it’s fine. It was just a feeling.” You reassured, patting his hand on your stomach. “Really, it’s fine.” You added on and his expression didn’t lighten up.  “If you get that feeling again, we’re going back.” You nodded at his words, patting his hand again.

The supermarket was quiet, so quiet it felt unnatural.  The gnawing feeling in your chest was back but this run was important, so you ignored it. Begging Simon to come along only to chicken out like this, you couldn’t do it. He wouldn’t let you live it down.

There was some rubble by the shelves as you looked for some cans or toys, books or magazines. Something to keep people fed or entertained. Simon was at the other side of the shop, having validated that there was nothing crawling around the shop. He was assigned to the pharmacy section, scanning through all the pill bottles to see what was around. It was slim pickings however, it seemed like every spot was becoming more and more barren. How was Simon supposed to even consider  that he could make a future for you two with everything ending up like this. He hated hope, he hated the hope that you gave him.

“Well? Anything?” You asked, watching him walk up next to you with a bleak expression. “Barely an aspirin in sight.” He said, watching you crawl over the ground and scouring the magazines on the floor. “You?” He asked, helping you up and you shrugged. “Think some of the kids are too young for these types of magazines.” You said and walked to the next aisle. He followed you, not being able to help himself but sigh. It was all empty.

“What you thinking about?” You asked him, taking note of his almost sad demeanor. “The world has gone to shit.” You looked at him with a laugh. “Yes good morning, where have you been the last few months?” You smiled and he shook his head, he wasn’t laughing.

The rubble in this aisle was worse than the rest, bits of sky shining through the crumbled ceiling. Simon was looking at the hole, thinking about how long it would be before it all came tumbling down. He followed the cracks in the ceiling, looking at the decay before noticing the supporting pillar that was hanging by a thread. One puff of air and it would come down, taking the ceiling with it. He followed the pillar down with his eyes, watching how you completely unknowingly leaned against it.

It all happened so fast. The pillar giving in behind you, Simon yelling and the sky suddenly becoming more visible as bricks and rubble started crumbling down. You weren’t even sure what was happening as Simon tackled you, his body covering yours to shield you from any of the falling debris. You weren’t sure if you were screaming, or if he was, or if the weight of the ceiling was crushing you or just his body. It all happened so fast, that when you opened your eyes, you weren’t sure if you were alive.

“Simon?” You asked, softly at first as the realization of what had happened sank in. Your whole body ached as you tried to move, feeling over his body for a breath, a heartbeat, any sign of life. “Simon?!” You were almost yelling now, not being able to breath yourself as you shook him as hard as you could. You were crying, a sinking feeling in your chest as you realized he wasn’t moving. “Simon please.” You said again, struggling with the mask on his face to pull it off and see if it would make a difference.

A deep groan emitted from is throat as you pulled the mask over is nose and tried rolling him onto his back. You could have screamed in relief, the tears now flowing quickly and intensely, pure panic filling your body as your shaky hands grabbed the fabric of his shirt. “Simon.” You were looking down at him and shaking him again. “That hurt.” He grumbled, eyes opening and looking up at you. Everything hurt, breathing hurt, his back hurt and seeing you so upset hurt. “Oh my god, Simon.” You cried even harder, burying your face into his chest and sobbing. “I thought you were dead.” You yelled, having to hold yourself back from hitting him. Despite the pain, he lifted his arms and pat your hair, feeling some relief himself from not leaving you behind like this.

After all this trouble, Simon wasn’t going to let a ceiling be the thing that took him out.

You stayed like that a moment, Simon petting your hair as you cried, you cursing him out for scaring you like that. He had seen a lot of scary things in his life, things that would have destroyed the average man ten fold, but the scariest thing he had ever experience was seeing you almost get killed. His body moved before he could even think when he realized what was happening, protective instincts taking over without a second thought. He would have thrown himself into a fire if it meant he could keep you alive.

You had finally calmed down, finally being able to look at his face again as you steadied your breathing. His hand cupped your cheek, wiping a few stray tears as he slowly sat up. It hurt like hell, but the two of you were only getting out of there one way. “I love you.” He said, not even thinking about it anymore. Truly it went without saying, it was simply the last step. You sobbed again, pressing your cheek into his hand as his words sank in. “I love you too, you idiot.” You told him before hugging him harshly.

A rustling sound caught Simon’s attention as you hugged him, body in too much pain to react quick enough to stop it all from happening entirely. The zombie came up from behind you , most likely having fell from the ceiling when it all caved in and charged at you. Simon used every ounce of strength he had, pushing you off of him and into the ground next to him, catching the zombie and taking the brunt of the hit.

Your scream filled the air as you searched around for any of your gear to stop it but it was too late, the monster biting into his neck as he pushed him off. He yelled, finally finding a moment to pull the knife from his thigh and driving it into the things skull before pushing it off of him.

There was a ringing in your ears, no other sound whatsoever. It was like you had gone deaf, all the feeling in your body simply buzzing as if it was static on the television. You couldn’t move, cry, speak of breathe. You could only look at him and the marks coating the skin of his neck. This wasn’t real, it couldn’t have been.

“Y/N, I need you to look at me.” He said with a shaking voice, trying to keep it steady but failing miserably. You heard him, but it didn’t register, simply still staring at the blood and blinking. “This isn’t real.” You whispered, repeating yourself as you felt your chest starting tighten up. “This isn’t real, this isn’t real, this isn’t real.” You repeated it like a prayer, still not looking at Simon’s face. You stood up off the ground, pacing in circles and repeating the words only for him to grab your hand and pull you back down to him.

“Simon this isn’t real.” You were tearing up again as he forced you to look at him. The features of his face, his nose, lips and those stern eyes were filled with something you hadn’t seen in him before. Fear. “Simon.” You said his name again, knowing in a few hours it would be something he was and not something he is anymore.

“Take this.” He said, not quite feeling anything anymore other than the fever that was starting to take over his body. He could hardly look at you, your pain being more difficult that anything he was feeling or had ever felt. He passed his hand gun to you, watching it slip from your fingers the moment it came in contact with your hand. “Simon I can-“ “No, listen to me, look at me.” He stopped you, knowing he didn’t have time for anything else. He needed to say it now because soon he wouldn’t be able to say anything at all. “You have to do this, you have to. You need to win this world because you’re strong. I wanted to be there with you when we did but the universe has funny ways of playing tricks on us and that’s not happening.” Your eyes pulled away from his, bottom lip quivering. “Look at me.” He grabbed your chin, holding you now to make sure you couldn’t do anything else. “I’ve never had the cards dealt in my favor, not in the real world and not in this one. Between my job, my upbringing and everything else in between, not once have I been happy, I just survived. You changed that. Never thought the end of the world would have been the place where I would find it, but it was.” His body felt hot, damn near steaming as he spoke. He had so much to say and so little time to say it.

“Now, there’s nothing we can do anymore. This is the way my cards were dealt.” He lied about his acceptance. He wasn’t okay with this, he wasn’t done yet. “I want to die as me.” He started, still holding your face and ignoring the tears covering his hand. He was looking at you and seeing you, beautiful you, in every way. “So I’m going to end it and you’re going to live.” He finished, the cry coming from your lips being enough to make the tears he had been holding back slip. “I can’t do this without you.” You uttered softly, your whole body shaking. He bit his lip, trying to fight every urge he had to hold you and say it would be okay. “You can and you will, you survived without me before. You can do it again.” He smiled and leaned forward to kiss your forehead. “Now. Grab your pack and start walking to the car. Don’t come back.” He wasn’t done yet, but the clock had run out.

No one ever mentions how heavy a dead body is, not when the topic arises. The dead weight of someone in your arms, with absolutely no help. No it’s not something that crosses someone’s mind when thinking about death.

The gunshot was still ringing in your ears as you dragged his body back to the car, or tried too. You couldn’t follow his orders, you never could. “Don’t come back.” His voice replayed over in your head as you wiped your tears and tried pulling him along again. You couldn’t leave him there. Simon wasn’t just yours, you couldn’t abandon him. You needed to bring him home. You were going to bring him home, you had to bring him home, you owed that to him. “Damn you.” You cried, smacking his still chest. “I wish I had never met you Simon Riley.” It wasn’t true, it was all anger and sadness, grief and fear.

You collapsed in the dirt, Simon in your arms as you looked up at the now night sky. You were so numb, you didn’t even hear the car pulling up or the heavy footsteps running in your direction. “Lt?  Y/N? What happened?” Soap’s voice called out at the sight, disbelief in his tone. Price and Soap stood over you, examining the situation as you began to sob uncontrollably.

“Help me bring him home.”

A/N: Please let me know what you think. I would greatly appreciate it!!!

[ithinkilikeit-reactions]

BABE WAKE UP ONF HAD A COMEBACK AND THE MV IS SO PRETTY IN A DARK WAY I LOVE IT AND OUR MAN WYATT ATE TEEHEE LOVED HYOJIN TOO. It’s pretty good <3

Ahhh I havent had the chance to watch it, life has been absolutely insane!!! BUT IM AWAKE SWEETIE AND I MISSED YOu

[ithinkilikeit-reactions]

Hello everyone!!! I know I don't post here much but I just posted a huge fic on my other blog and would love if you checked it out! Especially if you love COD or Ghost from COD

Wish I never met you (Ghost)

A/N: It's finally here. I'm really proud of this one. Sorry it took so long to finish. Life really spiralled out of control. But if you still want to take the time to read this I would greatly appreciate it.

Tags: Zombie Apocalypse au!, Ghost x afab!reader, mentions of blood, death, mentions of suicide, Soap, Price, yelling, arguing, enemies to lovers, smut

Smut tags: kissing, p in v, oral (reader receiving), nipple play

Word count: 13173 words

Tag list: @mildlyhopeless @twdhtgawm @lilliumrorum

No one ever mentions how heavy a dead body is, not when the topic arises. The dead weight of someone in your arms, with absolutely no help. No it’s not something that crosses someone’s mind when thinking about death. You had never thought about it until now and well, he was so heavy, between all of the gear and the size of him, it was nearly impossible to pull him further than a few feet at a time.

Tears blurred your vision, dripping down your face and making it hard to identify where you were. It wasn’t something you normally had to pay attention to, he did that enough for the both of you, his head always on a swivel. Trying to pull him along from under his arms, your feet dug into the dirt and you put all your strength into it before falling over. His body laying on your legs as you couldn’t find the strength to move anymore. Blood filled your mouth as you bit your lips to stop the screaming, the familiar metallic taste making the tears fall even harder.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” You apologized softly, cradling his head in your arms as you gave up. “I can’t do this.” You said even softer, refusing to look at him and looking up at the dark sky. Screaming wasn’t an option, screaming meant losing both of your bodies forever and you were damned if you were going to let that happen. You were going to bring him home, you had to bring him home, you owed that to him. “Damn you.” You cried, smacking his still chest. “I wish I had never met you Simon Riley.” You meant every word, more tears falling from your eyes with each syllable. In a world like this it was better to be alone and before him, you knew that… before him, it was the way you survived.

Pressing your ear to the door, you listened diligently for shuffling or any other signs of life. There wasn’t a sound and while that would have been enough for someone else, it wasn’t enough for you. You absolutely didn’t trust it, it wouldn’t have been the first time that you walked into an apartment expecting to find it empty only to be rushed at by one of those things. No, you couldn’t be reckless like that.

Gently you rapped your fingers against the door, loud enough to create the softest sound but not loud enough for any other apartment to even catch a peep. You pressed your ear to the door again, once again not hearing a sound and only then did you decide it was safe enough to try. So far, your apartment building had been a gold mine. The apartments on your floor having had enough supplies to keep you alive this long. It felt seemingly unscathed aside from the few undead stragglers, it was nearly empty. It had been a blessing and a curse to you, thinking about your neighbors that were most likely long gone. The building had been full of families, parents who worked and children who went to school, families who simply were living their lives when the world ended. The outbreak hitting the big cities the hardest towards the middle of the day, no one had been home, well almost no one. It was hard to believe a simple cold was what kept you alive that day, having decided that morning that it wasn’t worth the fight to go into work.

Guilt filled your body each time you broke into someone else’s home and saw the life they had left behind. The pictures on the walls, the vases filled with dead flowers and children play room’s with untouched teddy bears, they haunted you as you tried to sleep every night.

You sighed stepping into the empty apartment, a sigh of relief that nothing had come running at you the second the door opened and a knowing sigh that this apartment would soon also become a location for your nightmares.

This apartment wasn’t familiar to you in the slightest, never having it’s residents before and that made it a little easier. Looking around you took in the décor and the details as you shut the front door behind you. Your hand gripped your knife tightly, just in case as you wandered around. You nearly passed the old photo hanging on the wall, a wedding photo of the couple that most likely lived here in their old age. A stinging sensation filled your chest and you shook your head. “Don’t think about it.” You mumbled to yourself, brushing past it quickly to make your way to the kitchen. “Don’t think about it.” You repeated to yourself as you rummaged through their cabinets and took any canned item you could find. While this was the new normal, stealing from people never felt normal.

However you weren’t against the little joys in life, spotting a can of cherry pie filling that made you smile. This was going to be your treat and those were few and far between. Rummaging through the drawers, you found a can opener and sat down on the couch. Was it your most shining moment, no, did it matter? Absolutely not. The sweet cherry taste made you damn near moan as you spooned them out of the can.

You pulled your knees under your chin, still eating the pie filling as you pretended life was normal for a moment before nearly jumping out of your skin at a sound. It wasn’t the sound of zombies or an animal, no it was the sound of people and those were nine times out of ten worse than the undead.

Shuffling around to your pack, you left your treat behind. This was stressful because there was no way to tell what category they fell into, meaning you had to get out before you found out. That was just what you were trying to do as you gripped your knife, slowly and carefully opening the front door again. You hadn’t however, anticipated the three guns trained on you or the heavily armed men staring you dead on from your crack in the door.

“You bit?” The one with a thick mustache asked and you shook your head, knife still gripped in your hand but out of sight from them. You could swear they could hear your heartbeat, through your clothes and through the wood of the door. Your pause in answering was for two reasons: one, you were taking in their appearance, military uniforms on, heavy gear and vests and one wearing a skull mask and two, you were trying to keep your voice steady despite your whole body shaking. They seemed like military men, but the mask was throwing you off…that and the way his intense eyes were staring at you.

“No. Could ask the same thing.” You said, all your efforts to keep your voice from shaking out the window. “As that is your right, no we’re all clear.” The man said with a smile, but you didn’t feel at ease, not quite yet. “Put the knife down.” The man in the skull mask said and your eyes shot to him with fear. How did he know? “I don’t think that’s fair. There’s three of you and one of me.” You admitted and watched the smallest of the three let out a laugh. “Honest, I like it.” He remarked but laughter was the last thing on your mind. “I understand the caution especially in times like this. We’re from the military base near by and we have been trying to clear buildings and get civilians a place of refuge. We aren’t here to harm.” It was true, times like this were hard and a little extra caution wasn’t an excessive luxury.

Maybe it was your lack of social interaction or maybe it was the sugar rush from the pie filling you ate, but you pulled the door open and maybe misplaced some trust into these men. It was also partially the idea of refuge. You hadn’t spoken to anyone but yourself in months and while you were absolutely terrified and outnumbered, your gut wasn’t yelling at you.

The second the door opened more, the man with the skull mask pulled you forward and knocked your knife out of your hand. “Just a precaution.” Skull mask grumbled, hands roughly tracing over your body. It wasn’t in an invasive way of any sort but in a protective way, just to make sure you weren’t hiding anything. His touches nearly knocked you over, not quite steady on your feet and you braced yourself on the wall for a moment. “Easy, Ghost.” The man with the mustache said, raising his hand to calm the other man’s movements. “Yeah, easy. I don’t have anything to hide.” You said, feeling venomous towards the man. “Like I haven’t heard that one before.” He said in your ear, finishing his pat down and moving to your backpack.

You stood against the door, watching them go through your things. It felt invasive, them taking the cans of food from your bag and looking through the change of clothes you always had with you. The book you were reading even fell to the floor and you sighed, bending over to pick it up.

“I think it’s fair, considering I’m outnumbered and you’ve held my underwear in your hands that I know your names.” You said, fidgeting with your book in your hand. The way these men searched your things and conducted their business had you convinced, that and the closer look to their badges and uniforms. “Captain John Price.” The man with the mustache told you, extending his hand to you. Hesitantly, you took it and watched as the man with the skull mask made sure you didn’t make any sudden moves. He hadn’t eliminated you as a threat just yet, nor did he appreciate your attitude.

“I’m Soap and our cheery friend here is Ghost.” The smaller of the three clasped his hand on the man’s shoulder. Ghost wasn’t one for situations like this, which made him the best one to take on jobs like this. While they were all good at paying extra attention in situations like this, he truly excelled at reading the room. When it came to character judgement however, he was still learning and he always would be. A rough childhood would do that to you, it made you see people a little darker than the average person. So your attitude didn’t spark any warm feelings in him, all he saw was a nervous doe in wolves clothing.

“You live here?” He asked, handing you your bag back but not your knife. “Haven’t left the building since this all started.” You admitted, looking to your shoes and avoiding the eyes on you. “Haven’t talked to anyone since this all started.” You added on and shook your head at your own sad admission. “Are there a lot of people? Where you guys are?” You asked suddenly, a wave of hope filling your chest only to be shot down instantly. “You’re in no position to be asking questions.” Ghost interrupted, watching the temporary light leave your eyes. They had a nice haven going, with families, a community and self sufficient living. There was a lot to lose by bringing in the wrong person.

“There are. We have a community all living in the base barracks.” Price told you, raising his hand to Ghost to tell him to lay off. He wasn’t sure what had gotten into his lieutenant, but something had sparked an immediate dislike towards you and he didn’t understand why. Besides, personal opinion in international crisis was the last of anyone’s worry. Everyone deserved a chance to survive, everyone deserved a chance to be protected. It was why they had all joined the service in the first place.

You didn’t tell them about your apartment, or that you had a lot of things still left there. You figured should their refuge not be what you expected, you could always come back. At least that was what you were telling yourself. It wasn’t that you wanted to come back, you didn’t want to need to, you wanted this to work. Even if Ghost was staring at you like you were seconds committing a crime at all time, if you had to live like that it was fine. You wanted to live, to survive and who knows how long you still would have lasted in that building. If the military were the ones to find the building, you were lucky, it could have been a lot worse and ended very differently.

That was what you were telling yourself as you were pulled out of their armored truck. It was clear you were in the base by all the stiff government buildings and the cement walls surrounding them. But it wasn’t conducting as a military base anymore, at least not officially. Sure there were men in uniform wandering around but what really surprised you was the amount of kids running around, playing. It had you stopped in your tracks, watching with a little smile.

The cherry pie filling had been your treat for the day, but seeing all these kids gave you hope and that definitely trumped the sweet treat.

“Haven’t seen kids in a while?” Soap asked, passing you your backpack. You shook your head, trying to make the tears disappear that you hadn’t realized had formed. “Not any that were alive.” You admitted, pushing back the less than pleasant memories that had formed in your mind. Your apartment building was home to families, of course you stumbled across awful sights and had to take care of things you would have preferred not to.

“Come on, I’ll show you to your bed and then off to the showers.” Soap smiled, placing a hand on your shoulder and your eyes went wide. That was a word you hadn’t thought about for a long time and you found yourself tearing up again. “Did you say showers?”

Once you’re isolated for an extended period of time, it’s hard to adjust to be around people again. Ghost knew this, so his eyes were plastered on you as you walked through the base. You looked better now, less like a cornered animal and that put him a little at ease but he was still weary.

“I don’t think she’s anything to worry about.” Soap said, unloading the canned food they had found on their trip. “I have a bad feeling, Johnny.” Ghost said in return, ripping his gaze from you to help. Soap shook his head with a laugh before turning to him. “What are you really worried about? Think she’s hiding something?” He asked him and Ghost shrugged for a moment. “Could be, just find it hard to believe that someone like that can survive so long without help. We’ve lost plenty of good people to less in the last months. What if she was just separated from her group?” He unloaded, letting his feelings towards this situation out. “We’ve brought back a lot of people under the same circumstances and you haven’t acted this way. Besides, you know as well as I do that people will do anything to survive, even if it seems unlikely. Look at differently, she’s strong. She has to be to have survived so long alone, she might even be an asset.” Ghost knew he was right, he knew he was just being paranoid. He couldn’t ignore that feeling in his chest when he looked at you though.

“How have you been adjusting?” Captain Price asked you, sitting at what you assumed was his office even before the world went to Hell. You fiddled with the fabric of your shirt as you thought of an answer. It didn’t help that Ghost was seated on the couch in the room, watching you think of something to say. He didn’t like you and that was clear, not that you were the biggest fan of him either. Adjusting hadn’t been easy but you didn’t want them to think you couldn’t handle it. You didn’t want to be turned away.

“I haven’t been sleeping well.” You said softly, avoiding Price’s eyes. “If it’s the cots, they take getting used to. The barracks weren’t made for civilians.” Price said with a sympathetic smile. You shook your head, raising a hand to stop him. “It’s not that- it’s-“ “It’s being around so many people. It’s too noisy, right?” Ghost asked and your head whipped around to him. How did he know?

“You get used to being alone so long, being around so many people can be overwhelming.” You admitted and you felt absolutely pathetic. A solid roof over your head, people that want to look after each other surrounding you and you couldn’t get a night’s sleep? You hated your body and mind for being so ungrateful.

He knew the feeling well, better than most. He struggled with this when they brought the first batch of survivors on base. They were strangers to him, sleeping a few feet away from him and they were loud. They weren’t really loud, he knew that. But you never quite realize how loud people are in general until it’s all taken away, it takes getting used to and he felt somewhat… sympathetic towards you. Being in the military equips you with coping mechanisms for things like this, it was harder for the average person.

“You’re not the first one to experience this. Which should be comforting, you’re adjusting normally.” Price told you and you feigned a smile. “If you need anything let me know.” Price added on and dismissed you. You didn’t feel comforted really, but you knew you needed to fight through it. It was a safe space and you hadn’t met anyone yet that made you uncomfortable, Ghost aside. You could do it, you had been through worse than a sleepless night.

You had been dreading the night and doing anything possible to avoid thinking about it. Oddly enough, there was plenty to do. You helped organize some of the canned food, looked into the farming system they had set up and helped cook dinner. It was a community and helping out made you feel better.

“There you are! Was beginning to think you were never going to show up.” Christine smiled as you entered the barracks. She had been kind to you from the moment you walked onto base, though it was clear she had been well socialized already. She never seemed to have an awkward moment with anyone and well, you were filled with them. It was nice to know she was worried about you though, it was dark outside and you had to sleep at some point.

“Yeah, was just doing a bunch. What’s up?” You asked, slowly walking together towards your cot. “One of the Lieutenant’s asked me to pass this along to you. You know, Ghost, the one with the skull mask.” She smiled, showing you the items in question. Earbuds and a historical fiction novel. “Did he say anything?” You asked, accepting the items with hesitation. He hadn’t said one kind thing to you since you got there, whatever this was about it couldn’t mean anything good. “Nope, just asked me to pass it along.” She said and you nodded in understanding, despite not understanding anything at all.

“Can I ask you something.” You said, mouth speaking before you even realized. “Of course.” She beamed, brushing her long blond hair behind her ear. She seemed eager at the chance of getting to know you more. “What’s his deal? Ghost’s. Like I’ve only seen him in the mask.” You asked, watching her smile pull even wider. “And that’s the only way you will see him. It never comes off. He’s a good guy though, I think. The most he’s said to me was asking me to give you that. He takes good care of everyone though. Just not with a lot of words. The kids think he’s a superhero.” You found yourself smiling at the way she talked about him and you could totally see the kids seeing him as a superhero.

The mask thing didn’t become anymore clear to you and well, you definitely weren’t going to ask him about it. You simply took his token of kindness and kept your mouth shut.

It wasn’t unusual for some of the guys doing security checks to wander through the barracks to make sure nothing was wrong. Ghost was lucky enough to be the one to have to do it this time, much to his own dismay. However duties were duties and while he’d definitely complain about it, he’d do it. He was curious to see if you were awake anyways.

With his gun tucked into his arms, he stepped lightly into the barracks. Wandering in between all the beds, he made sure nothing was out of the ordinary. Head on a swivel as he double checked perimeter until he reached your bed. The book he had leant you was nothing special, some boring historical novel he had lying around. Each time he had tried to read it, it lulled it right to sleep so he thought it might have the same effect on you. As for the earbuds, they worked better some days more than others. He didn’t know why he cared about if you slept well, he just knew he did.

By the looks of things it worked, the book lay open on your chest and the earbuds were tucked snugly into your ears. You were out cold and looked peaceful. From the moment you had been here, he had his eye on you and it always looked like you were going to run. This was the first time you had seemed okay, normal even.

Your chest rose and fell softly, your lips slightly pursed together as you slept deeply. Ghost sighed while looking at you, reaching out to take the book off your chest and folding a corner of the page you were on to keep your place for you. He then placed it next to your cot, taking another moment to look at your face. He was starting to understand it, the feeling he always had in his chest when he looked at you. This would have happened in the normal world too, had he have seen you. You were the prettiest thing he had ever seen and while pretty things didn’t normally make him weak, times were different and so was he.

They hadn’t been wrong about the time it took to adjust, it wasn’t long until you were fully on your feet and used to life at the base. One thing was sure though, you were itching to see how things truly were on the outside. Between the apartment building and the base, you had lived a sheltered life compared to most. You liked being able to fend for yourself and that was a quality you felt slowly disappearing. If something happened you had to know how to protect yourself again, how to exist in this world.

“Hey Y/N!” A small voice called as you walked across the base. You knew exactly who it was and it took no 2 seconds for small hands to tug at the edge of your shirt. You scooped the boy up in your arms, tickling him as you did and enjoyed the laughter that came out of it. “Jackson does your mom know you’re running around like a wild child?” You asked, still walking but now with the child on your hip. Christine’s son was an absolute ray of sunshine and you would do anything if it meant keeping that joy safe.

“Ghost is going to get supplies. I wanted to go with them but they told me I wasn’t allowed until I’m older.” He rambled, ignoring your question meaning his mother didn’t know. You were just glad Ghost and Soap had enough common sense to tell him he couldn’t come along. “Is that so, well how about I go talk to them about it?” You said, placing the boy back on the ground and looking towards the car that was being loaded up. “Yes! I want to go.” He pouted up at you and you ruffled his hair. “And I’ll let them know.” You promised, pink swearing with the child before making your way over.

“That little con artist convince you to talk us into taking him with us?” Soap asked, both of the men having seen the interaction between you and the child. “You have to admit for a six year old he can be quite persuasive.” You fired in return, smiling as you looked at Ghost. He wasn’t rude to you anymore and you could appreciate that. His presence around you felt overwhelming like he was always there, watching. The least he could do was be nice about it. “But no, I was going to ask if I can go with you guys.” Ghost’s expression, from what you could tell, drained from any amusement.

“No way.” He said bluntly, not even wanting to think about having you out there. He hated having to bring others along, civilians, but the thought of bringing you along was worse. He couldn’t focus with you around, he wouldn’t be able to be the best he could be out there.

“Jesus LT, lighten up. We’ve gone to that area a million times. Y/N’s good for it.” Soap said, not understanding the blunt response. “We can make this a civilian run, they need to know how to do this stuff too. Just in case.” He added on, hands gripping the shoulder straps of his vest. “I’d rather strip naked and dance in front of those zombies with no fence in between us, than do a civilian run.” Ghost responded, the remark making you bite back a laugh and making Soap pull a face. “I’d pay good money to see that.” You joked, watching Ghost’s eyes go back to looking at you. He was smiling, you could tell by the way wrinkles formed by his eyes but you wouldn’t let him know that you knew.

“I’d burn my eyes if I saw that.” Soap cringed before shaking his head. “Y/N go get a pack. I’ll get someone else to come along too.” He said shortly after, ignoring the way Ghost was bawling his fists.

“You really have a stick up your arse when it comes to her.” Soap turned to him, confused look on his face. “If someone else would ask you’d be annoyed but not care.” “She’s not someone else.” Ghost mumbled, needing to vent his feelings but not knowing how to do it. “Got a crush there LT?” The words already just sounded stupid. He was a full grown man at the end of the world, saying he had a crush was ridiculous. “Shut up.”

The car ride was painfully silent, an awkward air filling the car. Between you, Soap, Ghost and the man you knew who worked in the kitchen who’s name was Jack, the tension was thick enough to cut with a knife. You swallowed the lump in your throat, looking between the 2 military men in the front seat. Ghost’s gloved hand gripping the steering wheel as you drove through back roads. There was a feeling in the pit of your stomach when you looked at him, confusion combined with frustration and butterflies. Fear was also in the mix, not sure of what to expect now that you were on the outside.

“Where are we going?” You asked, trying to cut the tension. You watched as zombies took notice of the car driving by, slowly changing their direction to the noise not knowing they wouldn’t be able to keep up. “Small string of shops. We haven’t cleared them out yet but we haven’t been there in a while, so if we haven’t someone else might have.” Soap explained, glancing back to you and you nodded. “Remember, we’re looking for preserved food.  Cans, bags, things that can’t really go bad.” Ghost added on, icy blue eyes locking with yours through the mirror. He tore his gaze away first before putting his eyes back to the road.

“We’re splitting up and meeting back here in max 2 hours. Stick to your partner. I-“ Soap was cut off, as you all stood in front of the now parked car. “I’ll go with Y/N. You go with Jack.” Ghost announced, pointing the other two men to each other. It seemed Soap could sense your dread, shooting you a sympathetic look. “Right, 2 hours.” He confirmed with everyone, making sure everyone understood.

You felt uneasy, not because you were finally out of the base but because of the fact he chose to be with you. Did he really still not trust you after all this time, not after the small things he had done for you? Or the way you adjusted to everyone and tried to help out where you could. Why couldn’t he see how hard you were trying?

“I’m surprised.” You said, looking everywhere but at him as you prepared to enter the first store. “Surprised at what?” He grumbled, before carefully opening the door. It was eerily quiet out and extra caution wasn’t a bad thing. “You picked me to partner up with. Especially considering how badly you didn’t want me coming along.” You explained, following behind him. “It’s not that important.” He said and you sighed, ignoring the remark and wandering through the shop. It didn’t seem to have much else other than baby supplies. Picking up some bottles and other things some of the moms back at the base might need. It wasn’t on the list but it was important.

“Planning on getting pregnant some time soon, those weren’t on the list.” Ghost hovered over you and you looked at him with a harsh expression. “No and I know these weren’t on the list. But there are plenty of moms with young babies at the base. Stuff like this is good.” You said and watched him roll his eyes for a moment before continuing to look. He wasn’t annoyed at you, no, he was annoyed at himself for not thinking about that, not to mention there were a few pregnant women around too. Maybe it was good that you came along.

“I can’t believe you still don’t trust me.” You said, voice cracking for a second despite how strong you were trying to be. It was bothering you, you wanted him to like you, to trust you.

“This has nothing to do with trust.” He said in return, surprised at your outburst. “Bullshit.” You rumbled back and picked up your bag to keep going. There were plenty more stores to go through and you were so frustrated, you didn’t want to be around him anymore.

The silence was even more uncomfortable now, so much so it even bothered him. He just didn’t know what to say, he didn’t mean for things to this way. Ghost was so in his feelings about the whole thing, he didn’t notice you had wandered off which was rare because if anything he always paid too much attention. “Y/N?” He asked, not wanting to raise his voice too much. Maybe you went into the next store, he thought to himself as he wandered around with a wave of panic through his body. “Y/N?” He said, a little louder this time as he scanned the store quickly. The moan of a zombie however made him whip his head around. This store was overrun and surely you wouldn’t be stupid enough to run in here. At least that’s what he thought, until he saw your backpack on the ground.

He already saw why you did what you did, the back wall was filled with canned goods and you thought you were doing a good thing. But where were you? He couldn’t see you anywhere at first glance, until he saw you on top of one of the shelving units waving at him to not come closer. They hadn’t seen him yet or heard him.

You were absolutely panicking, your heart pounding in your ears and you were looking at Ghost with nothing but pure fear. Of all situations you could have ruined, you really mucked this one up and now he was going to have to save you, which you hated even more.

Ghost gestured for you to carefully grab your knife from your belt and you listened, trying not to move too much or make too much noise. He urged you to slowly come off the shelf, but you felt stuck. They would definitely see you and they were no 2 feet away from you. Just as you were gathering the courage, lifting your legs off the shelf, a zombie crossed right next to you and your heart nearly stopped. Covering your mouth, you couldn’t let it hear you breathe. When it wandered further you looked back to Ghost, who gestured for you to hurry up, his other hand gripping his gun. Surely he wouldn’t let you die like this? Right?

Gathering all of your courage, you pushed off the shelf and listened how the metal sang under the pressure. It was like the whole room came to life, roars and hisses chasing after you as you made a run for the door. You avoided the arms coming towards you, the smell of rotting flesh drawing nearer as you held back a scream. The last thing you needed was to draw more of them to you from other areas. God you felt like you needed to throw up and the second you were out of this situation you would.

The door was in your grasp and you were so close, until you realized you forgot your backpack. Now, the smart thing to do would have been to leave it behind. Well you were dumb enough to get into this situation and you were dumb enough to go back.

You looked at Ghost before turning around, narrowly avoiding the grasp of a zombie. “What the hell are you doing?” He almost yelled, no longer staying quiet before diving into the store after you. He fired shots, taking down the one closest to you as you grabbed the backpack. Ghost reached for the back of your shirt, pulling you harshly as he used the hand holding his gun to bash another zombie that was charging you both.

With the backpack in your hands, you both ran for the door and slammed it shut the second you got outside. The door shook on it’s hinges as Ghost held it shut, urging you to find something to keep it shut. You found a thick chain on the ground, wrapping it around the door handles. It wouldn’t hold forever, but it would hold for now.

“Are you guys alright, we heard shots?!” Soap called, running to you both and ready for a fight. You were about to respond when Ghost grabbed your arm and made you look at him. “Are you suicidal? Or just that fucking stupid?!” He yelled in your face, the grip on your arm strong enough to leave a bruise. You were in shock, not at the zombies or the near death experience, but the way he yelled at you… the way there was nothing but pure hatred in his eyes. “Your stupid fucking decisions are going to get you and other people killed. Going back for your backpack?!” He continued, Soap putting his hand on his shoulder to stop him only to have it get shaken off.

“I-I-I couldn’t leave it behind. People need that stuff.” You said softly and Ghost shook his head, damn near laughing at you. “Everyone get in the fucking car, we’re going back. Don’t want to deal with this shit today.” Ghost commanded, snatching the backpack out of your hands and pushing you lightly towards the car.

His blood was boiling, how could you do something so stupid? Were you really the type to act on your emotions like that? Wandering off because you were annoyed, you could have gotten killed and he would have felt even more guilty than he already did.

“Hey, cool down.” Soap grabbed his shoulder again, watching as you got in the car. “You like her but acting like this? One sure fire way to terrify her.” He added on and Ghost just shook his head. “Can’t believe she’d be that stupid.” He mumbled and his friend simply shook his head. “Can’t believe you think everyone’s a soldier.” Ghost shook his head at his friend’s words, feeling a lot of emotions. “Let’s just go back.”

You sat on your bed, aimlessly staring out in front of you. If things weren’t awful between you two, they definitely were now and it was making your stomach hurt. The overwhelming feeling of anxiety sat on your chest like a brick and you felt restless, your hands playing with your blankets as you thought about what to do. The matter of the fact was: you fucked up earlier and you had to face it. Maybe Ghost would be understanding, maybe he’d appreciate the apology.

It felt odd being around the soldiers rooms, like you were in restricted territory. Which wasn’t entirely wrong, but it seemed to general rule that no one really went back there. Another rule you were breaking.

You reached his door, knocking with a gentle hand only to receive no response. Repeating the action, you knocked again and gently tried the door handle. When you found it gave way, you did something even more stupid than what you had done earlier, you went into his room, only to instantly regret it. You intruded his space and well, now you did a whole lot more.

“I wanted to apolo-“ You were frozen, looking at his face. His scarred, handsome face without his mask. “Fucking leave.” He grumbled, hardly even making eye contact with you. He simply stood in the middle of his room, furrowed brows looking at you. Nothing but anger and hate filled his voice. “I’m so sorry.” You rambled, trying to leave again and tripping on your way out. You wanted to scream and cry, yell and hit yourself all at the same time. You felt like a bumbling idiot and now you even saw Ghost without his mask, something you weren’t even sure anyone else on base had seen.

Ghost was speechless as he stood in his room. He wasn’t insecure in his looks at all but he had made it a point to keep himself “faceless”. He wasn’t even that mad that you had just seen him like that but still angry with your recklessness. It wasn’t your job to put your life on the line for everyone else, yet you did it anyways without hesitation. Part of his anger was admiration, not that he understood it. Maybe he was too hard on you, maybe Soap was right. Just maybe, if he wasn’t so harsh on you, you wouldn’t try so hard to be accepted by everyone else.

“You want to go back to the apartment building?” Price looked at you with a confused expression as you played with your hands. “I know, I know it sounds stupid. Especially since I mucked things up so bad the last time.” You paused taking a deep breath to look at him. Price had become a true leader to everyone around and to you, you felt like you could talk to him. “I’ve been thinking about my place here within the group. I want to do more. I just know that building is loaded with supplies, I know my apartment still has a lot.” You finished and watching his face contort in contemplation. “If it’s about letting me back out there, I know I shattered the trust there.” You added on and Price shook his head, raising his head to stop you. “No, no it’s not that. Soap cleared that situation up to me.” Price said and you gave a half smile, Soap shouldn’t have to clear things up for you, it was your own fault.

“I don’t like it when there is conflict in the community. It’s small and fragile here, so everything needs to move smoothly. Like a well oiled machine.” Price was rambling, looking at your questioning expression as he did so. “I guess what I’m trying to say is, I’ll let you go but only if you go with Ghost.” He truly was like a father, forcing his kids into the same room to get along. It wasn’t like you and Ghost were winning any teamwork awards before the incident, though you liked to believe he at least tolerated you then. You had absolutely frozen each other out since it all happened, he didn’t shoot one glance your way and you tried not to think too much about it. “I’m okay with that, as long as you ask him.” You said in response and watched him hold back a laugh.

His hands were gripping the steering wheel, it was noticeable even through his gloves. Ghost hadn’t said one word since you had gotten into the car together. There was no readable emotion in the air or his eyes, but there was a silent agreement to not say anything unless it needed to be said. Making amends in silence would be better than not making amends at all.

Stepping out in front of your building, you looked at him before bracing yourself to ask a question. “What’s the plan?” You asked, prepping yourself before going in. “It wasn’t crowded the last time we were here and got you, so I’m assuming it’ll be about the same.” He paused, finally looking at you and his expression wasn’t what you expected. Now that you had seen his face you could fill in the blanks. His expression was soft and almost gentle. “Top to bottom seems like the best way to go.” He added on and you nodded in agreement. This meant your apartment would be up quite quick. You weren’t sure if you were ready for it, but you weren’t going to let your emotions win today. Ghost would have to kill you to get rid of you and you weren’t sure he would be able to do that.

The first few apartments were near empty, a few stray cans and not one zombie in sight. It took no hour to clear the top floor and make your way down one, to your floor.

“You’re awfully quiet today.” Ghost remarked, checking a door before opening it. “Thought it would be better to not say anything, so I can’t say or do anything stupid again.” You explained as he checked the rest of the rooms briefly, leaving you to check a few of the cans left in the cabinet. “Smart.” He remarked and you nodded at him in agreement. “I’m sorry for how I behaved that day, my attitude was bad and it nearly got us both killed.” You said softly, trying to not make the situation anymore awkward than it needed to be. “I’m even more sorry for invading your personal space, Ghost.” You finished your apology, your eyes meeting as he watched you pack your bag.

“Any good cans in the mix?” He asked, making the choice to not embarrass you further as he could see it written over your face. “Canned ravioli. Seems we’ll be eating like kings.” You smiled in return, appreciating his courtesy.

Ghost watched you wander through the hall, closing his eyes for a moment to imagine this scene without all of the decay. This used to be your home, he couldn’t help but think about this scenario in a different time. Like coming home from work after a long day with groceries in hand, even exhausted you probably looked pretty. Hell, you looked pretty now.

You paused in front of the next door and took a deep breath, Ghost standing next to you. “Know the people who lived here?” He asked and you snorted slightly. “You could say that. This is my apartment.” You said, watching his eyes widen. You kicked the welcome mat to the side, revealing your spare house key and unlocked your door. “Welcome to my humble abode, Ghost.” You said, even kicking your shoes off out of habit as you entered. The action was endearing, especially watching you drop your bags to enter like you owned the place which in all reality you did.

“Call me Simon.” He told you, redirecting your attention to him fully. “Simon?” You asked, not anticipating his calm tone. He closed your front door behind him, carefully dropping his bags too and decided to take this moment for a break. “Yeah, you’ve seen my face after all. Maybe you should know my name.” He told you and you shook your head with a smile. “Thought we silently agreed that we were going to let that go.” You joked and he laughed, a real laugh. The type that comes from your stomach and bubbles up. “That’s what you thought. I’ll hold it over your head for a while.” Simon looked your way through the mask.

“I’m going to grab some of my clothes to take back with us.” You told him and he nodded. “Not a fan of the cargos we supplied?” He asked, watching you disappear into what he assumed was your bedroom. “I know I’m not in a position to complain but, No.” Your response made him smile.

While you were in the back, he wandered around your living room and taking it all in. There were pictures of you and your friends and family, making him once again picture what your life was like. For a moment, he even tried puzzling himself into it. Would he have met you at a super market? Or out for a run in the morning? Would he have ever made it back to your apartment if it wasn’t for the given circumstances? He shook his head as if it would get rid of the thoughts. He had gone from channeling all of his emotions into anger, to now thinking about what life with you could be like.

“Simon, you okay?” You asked, gently placing your hand on his shoulder. His back was facing you and it seemed like he was in deep thought. “Yeah, yeah I’m fine.” He said and moved away from the pictures to sit on your couch. “You look really pretty in those pictures.” He remarked, watching your face get flushed at the sudden compliment. “Thank you?” You said, not meaning for it to sound like a question but you couldn’t help it. Joining him on your couch, you instinctively tucked your knees to your chin and looked at him. It was comical, seeing this large military man sitting on your couch. Never in a million years did you think this was something you would witness.

“You’re staring at me.” He remarked and you laughed. “Nothing you haven’t done to me. When I first got to the base you watched me like a hawk.” You retorted and he nodded his head, getting comfortable and sinking into your couch cushions. He spread his legs, muscular thighs taking up more space on your small couch and definitely not going unnoticed by you. Knowing what he looked like under the mask made it impossible not to be attracted to him, that matched with his sudden kindness to you, you had to press your thighs together.

“I didn’t trust you and well, it’s not like we see beautiful women every day. It was refreshing.” He admitted, getting comfortable enough to reach up and pull off his mask. You had seen him already, this was okay. It didn’t matter anymore. You had to bite back a gasp at his sudden actions, just looking at him with wide eyes again. His hair was all messy from the mask, all tousled and you just wanted to grab it.

He looked at you, really looked at you. Showing you his whole face again, this time without an angry expression but a relaxed one. It was making you swallow thickly and look away, looking to your window instead of at him.

“Is that why you were so mean to me? Because you didn’t trust me or because you thought I beautiful?” You asked and you listened to him laugh again, shifting his weight closer to you. “A little bit of both. Why do you want my approval so bad?” You nodded at his question, still not looking at him and debating how to answer. “Curiosity.” You replied shortly. The tension that had disappeared earlier was back and now you could put a name to it, sexual tension.

“Look at me. It’s been a while since someone has seen my real face.” Simon’s gloved hand grabbed your chin, his weight shifting on the couch a bit more to get you to look at him. Your heart was racing in your chest, his face so close to yours and his large hand holding your chin. You looked at him, swallowing your fear and lifting your hand. He winced slightly, your soft fingers touching the lines on his face. “I thought you hated me.” You mumbled, tracing over one of his scars as his hand moved from your chin to leg. “I hear that a lot.” He admitted, squeezing your thigh gently before using his grip to pull you closer. You could nearly feel his breath against your face, getting closer to you before simply pulling you into his lap.

“So you don’t hate me then?” You asked, heart pounding at the position you were in as he looked up at you. Straddling his thighs, your hands settled on his shoulders and he shook his head. “I hate how stupid you can be, throwing away your life for others you hardly know when it isn’t even your job. But I don’t hate you.” He held your waist, his hands moving up slowly as you cupped his face. He cared and that’s why he was always angry with you. “I think you’re stubborn and annoying, but I definitely don’t hate you.”

Simon’s hands squeezed your sides, the motion making you rock over his thighs gently. You never know how touch starved you are until you’re touched again and Simon’s fingers were lighting fires over your body. He hadn’t even touched your skin yet.

“Simon-“ You shut your eyes, not being able to handle the way his eyes were watching you and taking in the way your body moved under his touch. “God you’re so pretty.” He said, more for himself than for you as he moved to hold your face. The rough fabric of his gloves made you wince, opening your eyes and grabbing his hands to take the gloves off. “I wanna feel your skin.” You mumbled, leaning forward as his bare hands found your waist again and slipped under your shirt. He massaged your skin, feeling something so soft for the first time in a long time making him close his eyes for a moment. Your forehead pressing into his before finally closing the gap between you two.

His lips were rough against yours, pressing his chest into yours as he tried pulling you even closer to him. His breath heavy as his tongue dipped into your mouth, using everything in him not to just flip you both over and take you. He hadn’t felt this way in a long time, not for anyone even before the world went to shit. He wasn’t going to ruin it now because he was horny, he could be patient.

You started to pull away, wanting his vest off, at least some of the layers separating you both. You fumbled with the closures and he watched with amusement before helping. He pulled it off easily, making you sigh with annoyance as he could have spared you a little bit of time. Simon smiled and cupped your face with his large hands. “Listen beautiful, I’m in no rush so you shouldn’t be either.” He said in a tone you hadn’t heard from him before. It was soft and reassuring and made you need him a whole lot more than before.

He kissed you again, one of the hands holding your cheek sliding down to grab your ass through your pants. He used this grip for leverage, flipping you onto your back on the couch and making you moan against him. Simon was straining against his cargo pants, cock painfully hard and he wanted you to feel it. You nearly bit his lip as you felt his hard on pressing into you, whimpering at the contact and throwing your head back into the couch cushions. He took the moment to kiss down the expanse of your neck and his hands to the chance to roam and squeeze every part of you. Simon wanted to memorize all of this.

“I know you said no rush but God Simon if you don’t touch me soon I’m going to explode.” You told him, sitting up slightly to pull your shirt off. “Needy, needy, needy.” He tutted, taking his own top off before connecting his lips to your collarbone. Marking you up wasn’t something that he needed to do, he would make sure everyone back at camp would know that you were his from this moment on so he simply focused on kissing your skin gently. Your hands moved over his bare arms and shoulders, loving the feeling of his skin under your fingers before tangling in his hair. You guided his kisses, moving them closer to the edge of your bra and needing more stimulation.

He took your bra off smoothly, tossing it to the other side of the room before letting his rough hands play with your breasts. Rolling your nipples between his thumb and listening to every little noise coming from you. God he was going insane. His lips latched onto on of your nipples, sucking and licking the nub as you pulled his hair. “Fuck I missed touch so much.” You moaned, eyes screwed shut as his fingers danced over your stomach and travelled lower and lower. “Being touched been on your mind a lot?” Simon asked, tongue flicking over your nipple while undoing the button of your pants. “Only when it came to you.” You admitted guiltily, looking him in the eyes at the confession for a response. His cock practically twitched at your words and he decided that his self control only extended so far.

“Fuck.” He grumbled, tugging your pants down harshly together with your underwear. “What happened to no rush?” You asked, looking at the practically mad man between your legs. His thumb brushed over your clit making you gasp before he leaned down, kissing the bundle of nerves. “Out the window because my pants are on the verge of ripping.” He stated and licked a stripe over your slit before settling on your clit. His muscular arms were wrapped around your thighs, fingertips sure to leave marks and pulling sounds from your lips you forgot you were capable of making. You tangled your fingers in his hair again, watching him eat you like a starved man as you tried not to scream. “Oh my god, Simon.” You moaned, thighs squeezing his head slightly as his tongue traced circles over you. “That feels so good.” You rambled, the stimulation being so much for having not been touched in so long.

His tongue lapped up every bit of you, humming at the taste and the sting of your nails scratching his scalp slightly. Your babbling was cute, moaning at rambling about how good he was doing. He couldn’t help but grind his hips into the couch, his briefs clinging to his hard on uncomfortably. You were bucking your hips against his tongue and he opened his eyes to watch your face for a moment before pulling away. If you were going to cum it was going to be around his cock because he couldn’t wait anymore. You were wet enough, you could take him.  

You sat up the moment he let you go, hands reaching for his belt and undoing the buttons and zipper. In the process, you looked at his tattoos and muscular build, thinking of all the way he could use it against you. You had a little taste of what he was like and now you couldn’t get enough. He helped you push his pants and briefs down, his cock practically letting out a sigh of relief at being let free.

Simon pushed you back into the couch getting back in  between your legs, placing one of them over his shoulder to get a better angle as he teased your entrance for a moment. “God forgive me if I’m rough but I can’t wait anymore.” He spoke, apologizing not necessarily to you but for how he knew he was about to fuck you into the couch cushions. His self control was gone and your heart was pounding with anticipation.

Wasting no time, he slipped himself into you fully. The stretch made you cry out and your hands looked for something to hold onto as you adjusted. His shallow slow thrusts doing a good job of stretching you out before leaning over you and pressing your knee into your chest. “I need more.” You whimpered, his face close to yours again. He kissed you roughly before slamming into you harder now, the angle making  tears spring into your eyes at how good it felt. You knew for sure you were going to find bruises on your hips later but it was worth it, it felt so good you could hardly contain yourself. Your pussy squeezed him tightly, holding onto him every time he fucked into you. “Christ-“ He choked out, nearly whimpering himself as he made sure to keep his pace up. Simon could tell he was going to cum soon already and he needed you there with him.

His sounds had you absolutely seeing stars, cock hitting that sweet spot inside of you like he was made for you. You watched his hair cling to his forehead slightly, the veins in his arms holding him up over you, the way his abs contorted with each thrust and the way his cock was stretching you out. “Simon-“ You moaned out, pulling his face close to yours for another kiss. “I’m gonna cum.” You moaned against his lips and he smiled. “Come on beautiful, give it to me.” He coaxed it out of you, his rough voice making your walls flutter around him. “Cum for me.” He added on, his pace getting faster and harder to chase his own high. He furrowed his brows in focus and that was enough for you.

You were about to scream, your orgasm hitting you like a ton of bricks but Simon placed his hand over your mouth just in time. A silent reminder that despite how normal this all felt, you couldn’t be too loud. Simon’s weight collapsed on top you, wrapping both of your legs around his waist as you felt him cum inside of you. His hand was still over your mouth, your walls squeezing him and spasming as you came down from your high. You were both sweating, his chest slightly sticking to yours as you moved his hand from your mouth. His breathing was heavy and his face was buried in your neck, hips still gently thrusting into you to make sure not one of drop went to waste. Your whimpers were soft in his ear, overstimulation setting in with each move of his hips.

Simon looked at you, hands massaging your waist and hips alternating slowly as he looked at your pretty face. Your eyes were shut lightly, focusing on your breathing as you tried to pull yourself together. “I missed sex.” You said softly, disrupting the silence and making Simon laugh. “Haven’t had sex where someone sees my face in a long time.” He laughed and you cocked an eyebrow at him. “So the mask usually stays on?” You asked, genuine curiosity in your voice and he nodded. “Always.” He smirked and you slapped his arm lightly. “Might have to try that out sometime.” You remarked and you both sat up. “The mask really do it for you?” He asked teasingly, hand grabbing your chin and kissing you harshly again.

“That took a while!” Soap called out as you both exited the car. “Was worried I was going to have to bring out the body bags.” He added on and Ghost slammed one of the bags of supplies into his chest. “Make yourself useful Johnny.” He grumbled, shaking his head at his friend’s words. You smiled to yourself, unloading the rest of the supplies and handing them to other people helping out. “Think that was everything.” You told them after unloading the last bag and grabbing your own. “I’m going to my bunk.” You announced, walking away with a small smile on your face. Heavy footsteps rushed behind you and snatched your bag from your shoulder, surprising you.

“What are you doing?” You asked, looking at Ghost staring at you with your bags in hand. “What are you doing?” He said, tone stern causing Soap to watch the scene. “Grab the rest of your stuff and put it in my room.” Soap’s eyes went wide and Christine who happened to walk past, stopped for a moment. “Okay.” You said, nodding softy. He wasn’t a man of many words, so you weren’t going to ask questions. So you just walked away to grab the rest of your things.

Ghost walked the opposite direction, bringing your bags to his room and he could see questions and remarks brewing in his friend. “Best be quiet Johnny.” He said, silencing him before anything could even be uttered.

Weeks passed and the weather got warmer, Simon kept you close and made sure everyone around silently knew what was going on. He loved you and he wasn’t shy about it, though he wouldn’t utter the words out loud. Saying them made it more real and anything real in this world was taken from you in an instant. You were together but kept at a distance from each other, the fear of getting too real a silent agreement.

It was only those three words keeping the distance between you two, everyone could see it. Even through his mask, any time he looked at you too long his eyes went soft and Johnny was making jokes. Price felt chuffed about it all, like some sort of twisted match maker. Despite no one knowing just how it all started, it was clear.

“Where were you this morning?” He asked, watching you serve up food to the other inhabitants. His hands on your hips pulling your back flush to his chest. “Got an early start, decided to help with breakfast.” You hummed, feeling him pull his balaclava up slightly to kiss the side of your neck. You hummed in response, smacking his thigh to get him to stop as there were kids around. “Hmm fine.” He grumbled, pulling the mask back down and giving you a look. “What’s that look for?” You asked, undoing your apron and pulling him close again. He just held you, not answering and resting his head on top of yours. “Well?” You asked again, knowing his silence meant he was keeping something from you. “We’re going on a run today.” He said softly and you perked up. You hadn’t been out of the base in so long, it would be nice to get out.

“Good, I’ve been going a little stir crazy.” You said and lifted his mask quickly to kiss him, but he pulled away. “We, meaning me and Johnny.” He corrected and you let the mask snap back into place. The world outside was getting worse and worse by the week, if he could keep you in the base for as long as he could, he would. You were the last good thing he had.

“Oh come on, I haven’t been out of here in so long.” You pleaded and he shook his head. Despite the fact that he knew you were going to win this argument. “I want to keep it that way.” He held your face, making you look him in the eyes. “Listen if this was a normal relationship I wouldn’t be like this but nothing is normal anymore, I need you to stay here. I need something to come back to. I-“ He had to stop himself from saying it. You looked at him, knowing what he meant but having a hard time accepting it. “What about me? What if you don’t come back?” You said to him, not one joking tone in your voice. This wasn’t funny, you needed him too. He was quiet, just looking at you and holding you. “I’m going with you. Tell Johnny he can stay here and that I’m going with you.” You told him with a soft smile and he shook his head. “You’re a stubborn woman.” He remarked, voice gruff to hide the worry plaguing his mind. “That’s one of the reasons you like me.” You rebuked and he shook his head again, leaning down to kiss you. “I’ll go talk to Johnny.”

“Jackson asked me to look for some toys or something. Poor boy seems bored out of his mind.” You remarked during the drive, your hand playing with the hair on the nape of his neck as he drove. Being alone made this easier. “I just know that in a few years he’s going to cause trouble on the base.” Simon said and you nodded with a laugh. “Probably, the world ending doesn’t stifle being a difficult teenager.” You smiled and he squeezed your thigh from the drivers seat. “But yeah we can see if there’s something for him. Think all the kids could use some amusement.” This was what drew you in about him, he was secretly such a softie. “See I’m helpful to have around.” You retorted and he slapped your thigh softly. Being helpful wasn’t the issue.

“Be careful when we walk through here, some of the building structures are starting to crumble.” He coached as you walked behind him into a supermarket. “Okay.” You said and felt your stomach do a flip. You were suddenly nervous, having not been out of the base in so long, you were paranoid and scared.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” He asked, noticing your hesitation for a moment. His glove covered hand placed on your stomach, pulling you close to him. “Just nervous, suddenly. Think it’s because I haven’t been out in a while.” You clarified, looking him in his eyes to show him you were okay. “If you are hesitating, we’re turning around and going back.” You shook your head and waved your hands. “No, no it’s fine. It was just a feeling.” You reassured, patting his hand on your stomach. “Really, it’s fine.” You added on and his expression didn’t lighten up.  “If you get that feeling again, we’re going back.” You nodded at his words, patting his hand again.

The supermarket was quiet, so quiet it felt unnatural.  The gnawing feeling in your chest was back but this run was important, so you ignored it. Begging Simon to come along only to chicken out like this, you couldn’t do it. He wouldn’t let you live it down.

There was some rubble by the shelves as you looked for some cans or toys, books or magazines. Something to keep people fed or entertained. Simon was at the other side of the shop, having validated that there was nothing crawling around the shop. He was assigned to the pharmacy section, scanning through all the pill bottles to see what was around. It was slim pickings however, it seemed like every spot was becoming more and more barren. How was Simon supposed to even consider  that he could make a future for you two with everything ending up like this. He hated hope, he hated the hope that you gave him.

“Well? Anything?” You asked, watching him walk up next to you with a bleak expression. “Barely an aspirin in sight.” He said, watching you crawl over the ground and scouring the magazines on the floor. “You?” He asked, helping you up and you shrugged. “Think some of the kids are too young for these types of magazines.” You said and walked to the next aisle. He followed you, not being able to help himself but sigh. It was all empty.

“What you thinking about?” You asked him, taking note of his almost sad demeanor. “The world has gone to shit.” You looked at him with a laugh. “Yes good morning, where have you been the last few months?” You smiled and he shook his head, he wasn’t laughing.

The rubble in this aisle was worse than the rest, bits of sky shining through the crumbled ceiling. Simon was looking at the hole, thinking about how long it would be before it all came tumbling down. He followed the cracks in the ceiling, looking at the decay before noticing the supporting pillar that was hanging by a thread. One puff of air and it would come down, taking the ceiling with it. He followed the pillar down with his eyes, watching how you completely unknowingly leaned against it.

It all happened so fast. The pillar giving in behind you, Simon yelling and the sky suddenly becoming more visible as bricks and rubble started crumbling down. You weren’t even sure what was happening as Simon tackled you, his body covering yours to shield you from any of the falling debris. You weren’t sure if you were screaming, or if he was, or if the weight of the ceiling was crushing you or just his body. It all happened so fast, that when you opened your eyes, you weren’t sure if you were alive.

“Simon?” You asked, softly at first as the realization of what had happened sank in. Your whole body ached as you tried to move, feeling over his body for a breath, a heartbeat, any sign of life. “Simon?!” You were almost yelling now, not being able to breath yourself as you shook him as hard as you could. You were crying, a sinking feeling in your chest as you realized he wasn’t moving. “Simon please.” You said again, struggling with the mask on his face to pull it off and see if it would make a difference.

A deep groan emitted from is throat as you pulled the mask over is nose and tried rolling him onto his back. You could have screamed in relief, the tears now flowing quickly and intensely, pure panic filling your body as your shaky hands grabbed the fabric of his shirt. “Simon.” You were looking down at him and shaking him again. “That hurt.” He grumbled, eyes opening and looking up at you. Everything hurt, breathing hurt, his back hurt and seeing you so upset hurt. “Oh my god, Simon.” You cried even harder, burying your face into his chest and sobbing. “I thought you were dead.” You yelled, having to hold yourself back from hitting him. Despite the pain, he lifted his arms and pat your hair, feeling some relief himself from not leaving you behind like this.

After all this trouble, Simon wasn’t going to let a ceiling be the thing that took him out.

You stayed like that a moment, Simon petting your hair as you cried, you cursing him out for scaring you like that. He had seen a lot of scary things in his life, things that would have destroyed the average man ten fold, but the scariest thing he had ever experience was seeing you almost get killed. His body moved before he could even think when he realized what was happening, protective instincts taking over without a second thought. He would have thrown himself into a fire if it meant he could keep you alive.

You had finally calmed down, finally being able to look at his face again as you steadied your breathing. His hand cupped your cheek, wiping a few stray tears as he slowly sat up. It hurt like hell, but the two of you were only getting out of there one way. “I love you.” He said, not even thinking about it anymore. Truly it went without saying, it was simply the last step. You sobbed again, pressing your cheek into his hand as his words sank in. “I love you too, you idiot.” You told him before hugging him harshly.

A rustling sound caught Simon’s attention as you hugged him, body in too much pain to react quick enough to stop it all from happening entirely. The zombie came up from behind you , most likely having fell from the ceiling when it all caved in and charged at you. Simon used every ounce of strength he had, pushing you off of him and into the ground next to him, catching the zombie and taking the brunt of the hit.

Your scream filled the air as you searched around for any of your gear to stop it but it was too late, the monster biting into his neck as he pushed him off. He yelled, finally finding a moment to pull the knife from his thigh and driving it into the things skull before pushing it off of him.

There was a ringing in your ears, no other sound whatsoever. It was like you had gone deaf, all the feeling in your body simply buzzing as if it was static on the television. You couldn’t move, cry, speak of breathe. You could only look at him and the marks coating the skin of his neck. This wasn’t real, it couldn’t have been.

“Y/N, I need you to look at me.” He said with a shaking voice, trying to keep it steady but failing miserably. You heard him, but it didn’t register, simply still staring at the blood and blinking. “This isn’t real.” You whispered, repeating yourself as you felt your chest starting tighten up. “This isn’t real, this isn’t real, this isn’t real.” You repeated it like a prayer, still not looking at Simon’s face. You stood up off the ground, pacing in circles and repeating the words only for him to grab your hand and pull you back down to him.

“Simon this isn’t real.” You were tearing up again as he forced you to look at him. The features of his face, his nose, lips and those stern eyes were filled with something you hadn’t seen in him before. Fear. “Simon.” You said his name again, knowing in a few hours it would be something he was and not something he is anymore.

“Take this.” He said, not quite feeling anything anymore other than the fever that was starting to take over his body. He could hardly look at you, your pain being more difficult that anything he was feeling or had ever felt. He passed his hand gun to you, watching it slip from your fingers the moment it came in contact with your hand. “Simon I can-“ “No, listen to me, look at me.” He stopped you, knowing he didn’t have time for anything else. He needed to say it now because soon he wouldn’t be able to say anything at all. “You have to do this, you have to. You need to win this world because you’re strong. I wanted to be there with you when we did but the universe has funny ways of playing tricks on us and that’s not happening.” Your eyes pulled away from his, bottom lip quivering. “Look at me.” He grabbed your chin, holding you now to make sure you couldn’t do anything else. “I’ve never had the cards dealt in my favor, not in the real world and not in this one. Between my job, my upbringing and everything else in between, not once have I been happy, I just survived. You changed that. Never thought the end of the world would have been the place where I would find it, but it was.” His body felt hot, damn near steaming as he spoke. He had so much to say and so little time to say it.

“Now, there’s nothing we can do anymore. This is the way my cards were dealt.” He lied about his acceptance. He wasn’t okay with this, he wasn’t done yet. “I want to die as me.” He started, still holding your face and ignoring the tears covering his hand. He was looking at you and seeing you, beautiful you, in every way. “So I’m going to end it and you’re going to live.” He finished, the cry coming from your lips being enough to make the tears he had been holding back slip. “I can’t do this without you.” You uttered softly, your whole body shaking. He bit his lip, trying to fight every urge he had to hold you and say it would be okay. “You can and you will, you survived without me before. You can do it again.” He smiled and leaned forward to kiss your forehead. “Now. Grab your pack and start walking to the car. Don’t come back.” He wasn’t done yet, but the clock had run out.

No one ever mentions how heavy a dead body is, not when the topic arises. The dead weight of someone in your arms, with absolutely no help. No it’s not something that crosses someone’s mind when thinking about death.

The gunshot was still ringing in your ears as you dragged his body back to the car, or tried too. You couldn’t follow his orders, you never could. “Don’t come back.” His voice replayed over in your head as you wiped your tears and tried pulling him along again. You couldn’t leave him there. Simon wasn’t just yours, you couldn’t abandon him. You needed to bring him home. You were going to bring him home, you had to bring him home, you owed that to him. “Damn you.” You cried, smacking his still chest. “I wish I had never met you Simon Riley.” It wasn’t true, it was all anger and sadness, grief and fear.

You collapsed in the dirt, Simon in your arms as you looked up at the now night sky. You were so numb, you didn’t even hear the car pulling up or the heavy footsteps running in your direction. “Lt?  Y/N? What happened?” Soap’s voice called out at the sight, disbelief in his tone. Price and Soap stood over you, examining the situation as you began to sob uncontrollably.

“Help me bring him home.”

A/N: Please let me know what you think. I would greatly appreciate it!!!

#self promo

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I love love, like so much and the fact that I every year of my adult life have not felt loved in a romantic sense ever hurts me.

I just want someone to come home too, who wants to hear me yap about my day, I want to hear someone yap about their day and I want to learn how to cook their favorite meals. I want to go to a store and buy something for them because it reminded me of them.

I want to be cheesy with someone so bad

#my/thoughts #i was talking to a guy #and have been for a few weeks #only to wake up today and see he deleted me off of everything without saying a thing #on valentines day #idk man i really liked him

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Poll on my other blog, I'm just curious

#rb-ing myself

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Being bilingual is being extremely intelligent in language number 1 and with language number 2 you can fool people into thinking you're intelligent until you have to write an essay in said language.

#my/thoughts #bilingual

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forever and always love of my life

@emeraldbabygirl his instagram is a gift

#wyatt #onf #shim jaeyoung

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I FOUND A CUTE PIC OF MK I LOVE HIM SO MUCH OMGGG 🥰🙈🥰🙈🥰🙈

He's so pookie and the way i knew right away this is from popping era

popping is still my everything i love onf so much

#ask

[ithinkilikeit-reactions]

For you ~ I found it on Pinterest

ALSO I MUST TELL YOU I FEAR THE BIAS LINE IN TREASURE. Am I going too fast lol I really like Jaehyuk I find his smile to be so precious but Jeongwoo and then Junghwan is really pretty mayhaps but then Asahi exists and he’s so so pretty but then Hyunsuk is really hot sksksks but Yoshi really sticks out to me in a good way. But I’m thinking Jaehyuk and Asahi and pretend the others doesn’t exist lol uhhhh I’ve started episode 3 btw of the treasure map show. Idk how many I’ll watch lol. Anyway 🫠🫠🫠

Ahhh this is the treasure curse, never being able to have a solid bias

Trust me Jihoon will come for you soon it happened to me too

#ask

[ithinkilikeit-reactions]

HEHEHEEHHEHEHEHEH 🙈🙈🙈

wanna take that tie off with my teeth hee he 🫵🤭

This is so funny because last night I had a dream about him and it was really wholesome???

I was going on a student exchange program (my school offers these so it was similar to one my school offers) and we were going to Japan??? and him and I were dating and he was so cuddly and kept holding me to his chest and when I woke up I almost cried because i wanted to go back :(

#ask #wyatt

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for those anime fans and Attack on Titan fans!

Like the Romance Novels (Erwin Smith)

Tags: military Erwin Smith x afab reader, age gap (legal of course), forbidden love, arranged marriage, spying, cursing, teasing, hair brushing, fingering, soft sex, kissing

Word count: 8463

The sound of metal scraping slightly over porcelain had the tendency to make your ears ache. Not being able to help yourself but pull a face each time your little brother’s fork grazed the plate. It was your family’s finest China and normally, your mother would have said something about the sound and scolded him right there. This evening was different though, everyone had to be on their best behavior for the esteemed guest sitting at the head of the table opposite of your father.

The air in the room was tense, knowing that the man was going to be your father’s successor had left a sour taste in your father’s mouth. Despite the fact that age was catching up to him, he refused to admit that it was time to step down as acting Sergeant Major. Your family knew it and it was nearly fact that the man across from him knew it too.

“So Erwin, how long have you been in the service?” Your mother asked, tone sickly sweet as she spoke to the man. The table seemingly went on for miles before reaching him, decorated with candelabras, lace doilies and crystal glasses. You had taken the man in when he entered the house, his tall brooding frame, broad shoulders, handsome face and strong jaw. Though now you were noticing more as you waited on his answers, such as his thick eyebrows that framed his blue eyes and the gentle lines by his eyes, showcasing the few years of stress he had undoubtedly had. You didn’t realize you had been staring until his head turned, glancing at you before refocusing his attention to your mother and her question.

“21 years, ma’am. I’ve been in ever since I turned 18.” You hadn’t expect him to be so much older than you, it made you blush because of your prior thoughts about just how attractive he was. “21 years and already in line for the Sergeant Major position, impressive.” Your father grumbled and you could feel Erwin’s eyes on you once more. Truth be told, the man couldn’t have cared less about the formalities. He went to this dinner because it was what was expected of him. If he was to take over the role of Sergeant Major, he would have to earn the respect of the men that followed your father and to do that, he had to earn his respect.

His attitude changed once he entered the major’s home, meeting his wife and children. He couldn’t help but drink you in, a woman that looked like you, your dress framing your figure. When he shook your hand, he couldn’t help but notice how delicate and soft it was in his. Now, he couldn’t help but allow his eyes to drift over to you.

“Miss Y/N?” Erwin questioned and you looked up from your plate in surprise. It was rare that guests spared a second glance towards you, let alone addressed you head on. “How old are you, miss?” He added on and you felt your cheeks warm up once more. “I’m 23, sir.” You responded and watched a smile pull over his face. “23. Are you married?” He asked and before you could respond on the sore subject, your mother did. “She decided to go to school first, even though we urged her to settle down. Gave her plenty of choices between suitable husbands. We are now looking into suitable husbands for her again, given she’s settled down.” While it wasn’t a negative thing, your mother made it sound like it was with a certain venomous tone to her voice. Erwin nodded in understanding before smiling at you apologetically. It was clear it was a tender subject, despite that he couldn’t help but be relieved at the answer.

“Why do you ask? Know anyone?” Your father joked and Erwin let out a small chuckle. This confirmed it in his mind, that the age gap was too large that he wasn’t even considered. “No, mere curiosity. I find that you went to school first admirable Miss Y/N.” He redirected his attention to you, deciding that his words were best aimed your way. He could imagine the berating you experienced, being a woman in your position and making that decision. A smile graced your face, deeply appreciating the words as they weren’t ones that you received regularly.

“Your children seem very smart.” Erwin commented, watching as the Sergeant Major puffed away on his cigar. The study was slowly filling up with smoke, some escaping through the slightly ajar door. “They are. I worry about my daughter though. My son, he’s still young and finding his way but my daughter. She’s a headache.” He confessed through puffs as Erwin faked a smile. Looking towards the door opening, he caught glimpse of your dress as you walked past and he found that the fake smile turned into a real one.

It had been a particularly windy day, as Captain Smith watched a car pull up to the base. Training had been outside and he was set to oversee it all, uniform on in full as the men did their drills. The car however was out of the ordinary, he wasn’t informed of any guests arriving at the base that day and it seemed that he wasn’t the only curious one. The soldiers stopping their drills to stare just as their sergeant was.

A heeled foot and a little bit of bare leg peaked from the car before revealing a light blue dress patterned with flowers. Captain Smith felt his cheeks pull into a smile as you revealed yourself from the car. Dress and hair flowing freely in the wind as you straightened out your clothes. It wasn’t until he heard the murmurs from the soldiers that he snapped out of his daze. He knew the men didn’t see women quite as often, he didn’t expect the crude comments though. Shooting the men a glare before wandering over to the car with a wave.

“Miss Y/N.” A dominating voice said, grabbing your attention among the all the soldiers. Turning your head, the wind quickly blew your hair over your face and eyes and before you could do anything, gentle fingers moved the hairs behind your ears. “Miss Y/N.” Captain Smith said again, making a blush pull over your cheeks. He looked handsome at dinner, yet even more so in his uniform. It made him look so official and despite the fact that your father wore the same one, it left an entirely different impression being worn by Captain Smith.

“Were we expecting you?” He asked, a concerned expression pulling over his rugged features. “No, no, not at all. Father received a telegram at home and it seemed like an urgent matter. I simply came to deliver it.” You told him, trying to ignore the gawking stares of the other soldiers. They were making you slightly uncomfortable, finding it hard to concentrate on the man standing in front of you and the task at hand. Fidgeting with the telegram, you looked to the ground and to your heel covered feet. You couldn’t help but wonder if you were dressed funny or if you had over dressed, maybe you had a button undone, all while knitting your brows together.

“I can escort you to his office, if you like?” Captain Smith offered, extending his elbow to you. You gladly accepted it, not only to get away from the prying eyes but also to get closer to him. The captain had left an impression on you ever since dinner, his well built figure waltzing through your mind at the most random of times since that evening. When your family mentioned your disgraces to others, generally they tried to offer solutions as they fed into the opinion that your choices had indeed been shortcomings. Erwin or Captain Smith hadn’t done those things, speaking to you rather than about you. Not to mention, he considered you to be admirable and it made you feel warm.

“I would greatly appreciate it.” You responded, a small smile pulling at your lips before gently taking his arm. It was nearly painful how well your body molded to him, unbeknownst to each other that it made your heart pound in your chests. “If I may be so bold.” Captain Smith started and you found yourself holding your breath, looking at the side of his face as you walked. “You look absolutely beautiful today.” You had to look away, to the sky or to the buildings out in the distance in the hopes to calm the warmth of your cheeks.

Erwin found the action endearing, needing to stifle a chuckle at the sweet response. He wasn’t just saying it to get a response, he absolutely meant it. The man was convinced you would look good in a potato sack and it made him feel like a lovesick puppy despite being the age of an old dog.

“Thank you, Captain.” You managed to pull yourself together enough to say. He was so gentlemanly, opening the door for you and gently placing his hand on the small of your back to guide you inside. For such a large man in such a powerful position, he spoke to you with a sweet tone and touched you like you were made of porcelain. It made your thoughts wander more about him, like how his hands would feel cupping your cheeks or how his voice sounded in the early morning… after a long night. You glanced at him once more, taking a deep breath before shaking the thoughts away.

You both stopped in front of the office door and he took a breath before knocking on the door. “Sergeant Major.” His voice was more tense speaking to your father, the weight of the world suddenly sitting on his shoulders. You watched his jaw clench as you waited for an answer, wanting to reach up and run your finger over the harsh line or massage his tense looking shoulders. Such intense feelings for only having seen him twice.

“Come in.” Your father’s voice rang through the wooden door and Sergeant Smith held the door open for you once more. Hand lingering on the small of your back a little longer than before, causing you to  train your focus on his eyes rather than the other two sets staring at you.

“Y/N, what a coincidence.” Your father remarked, snatching your attention away. Erwin couldn’t help but cock an eyebrow at the man sitting in front of the Sergeant Major. Jean Kirstein, a young and promising soldier from what Erwin knew. He was an objectively good looking man, with a stature that rivaled his own which was rare. The few times Erwin had spoken to him, he had left a good impression but now Erwin couldn’t help but hate the way he was staring at you. It left a sour taste in his mouth.

“We were just speaking about you.” You nodded in understanding before nodding politely towards the other soldier in front of you. “Y/N, this is Jean Kirstein.” You extended your hand to him and forced a smile as he took it. You knew what this was. “It’s a pleasure to meet you. Father, a telegram was delivered to the house and it seemed urgent.” You told him, ignoring the true intentions of the man in front of you. Erwin had to stifle a laugh, he hadn’t quite expected to see you dismiss Jean like this and well, it made him more attracted to you than before.

Jean’s eyes trailed over your body, the way you leaned forward to pass of the telegram, the way you tucked a hair behind your ear and the way you crossed your arms over your chest. He had to stop himself from licking his lips, glancing to the scary dog behind you. Erwin.

He had seen the way he scanned over you and it disgusted him, jaw clenching coupled with a heavy scowl on his face as the younger man locked eyes with him. It brought Erwin great joy to see the man’s or boy’s rather, confidence diminish with a glare.

“Thank you for bringing this to me, was that all?” Your father asked and you nodded your head. “Jean, Y/n, you may both leave. I would appreciate if you could escort her back to the car.” Your father gently told Jean, shoot him a smile that could only be conceived as fake. “Gladly, sir.” Jean smiled, standing up and taking your hand gently. “Captain Smith, if you could stay for a moment.” Erwin had to bite back a frown, he wanted to walk you to your car too and make sure Jean stayed cordial. Though considering your father’s power to make people fear him, he was nearly sure Jean would be keeping his hands to himself.

“What do you think?” The Sergeant Major asked once the door fell shut again. “What do I think?” Erwin repeated, not entirely sure what the Sergeant Major was asking. “Well, you’ve met my daughter. You’ve heard how she is. Don’t you think Jean Kirstein is a good match for her?” The man froze, taking a deep breath before even trying to think of a response. “Kirstein has a good head on his shoulders, seems like he could make a good husband for someone, someday.” Erwin said and exchanged looks with the Sergeant Major. “I understand. I’ll put him on the backburner until after my vacation.” He nodded, returning to his paperwork.

“Before I dismiss you, my wife will kill me if I forget to ask. We are going to our house in the south, by an oceanside town for vacation. It’s small and quiet, it’ll probably be the last vacation as a family. Would you like to join us?”

You loved the vacation house, all the trees surrounding it, the lakes and streams only you knew about and the faint smell of the sea in the air. The town had old bookstores, markets and bakeries on every corner, cafes too. It was home to you, more home than any of the houses given to your family during your father’s deployment. One thing was always certain, the vacation house.

The bright sun made your dress look like it was glowing as you left the house, retrieving the last trunk you had brought with you. The white cotton fabric of your dress was simple but perfect for the great weather. A small gust of wind made the trees rustle and you looked up to the sky, taking a deep breath to inhale the subtle ocean scent. A rumbling engine disturbed your peace, tearing your eyes from the sky and to the path. The car rode down the driveway and pulled up next to your family’s car. You couldn’t help but stand and watch, not having expected any visitors.

“Erwin?” You spoke before realizing you had dropped his title, the shock of seeing him there knocking all the sense out of you. The man walked towards you, chuckling with his hands in his pockets. He lifted one and reached out to pinch your cheeks softly. “You’re lucky I’m on vacation, miss. Y/n.” He smiled and let your face go. Your cheeks were on fire and you found yourself looking past him towards the house. “Sorry, captain.” You apologized, only to feel his hand brush yours. “I was only joking, I’d prefer if you called me Erwin.” He looked different like this, lighter than other days. He was on vacation and looked the part with his white cotton shirt, tucked into tan slacks. His hair wasn’t slicked back for a change and you found your heart pounding in your chest simply by looking at him.

“Erwin.” You whispered to yourself, watching him walk into the house with his bags. You weren’t aware he would be joining your vacation, but you did have a deep fear your father would have invited that Kirstein man. You could see straight through your father’s intentions there and had no desire for it whatsoever.

Deciding not to linger on it all too much, you went on with your plans for the day. Going to one of your favorite spots around the house, the small secluded lake. Your family knew of it’s existence of course, they just didn’t quite enjoy it like you did. It had become your spot and in your spot, you cared very little about being proper.

On your hands and knees, you felt the water of the lake. Taking the moment to admire the way the sun reflected off of the ripples and smiling at it. It was nice and warm and you were absolutely ready for your first soak of the vacation. No one was around anyways, you didn’t look twice before undoing your dress. In nothing but your bra and underwear you waded in the lake, letting your body soak in the sun and the feeling of the nice water. You leaned down, splashing the water around slightly and laughing. This was pure joy for you, with no one around to tell you how to behave or any appearances to keep up.

Erwin knew he shouldn’t be watching you, not like this. He didn’t think you would be in this state when he saw you heading this direction. He simply wanted to explore a little. That’s exactly what he was doing, guilty eyes exploring the delicate white lace coating the intimate parts of your body, the golden cast the sun left on your skin and the pure joy on your face. The water came up to just above your knees and as you splashed it slightly, he watched the droplets on your thighs. Shaking his head, he tore away his stare. This was more wrong than simply finding you interesting and beautiful, he was now lusting over you.

His throat cleared, your head snapping in the direction of the sound. Erwin adjusted his pants before revealing himself to you, watching you scramble out of the water to cover yourself up with the dress. “You told me to call you Erwin, perhaps I should call you peeping Tom instead.” You held the dress over your body, looking at the man with heat rising in your chest and cheeks. “It appears so, I understand. But it wasn’t on purpose. Went to explore my home for the next weeks and stumbled across you. I’m very sorry.” He explained, bowing his head to you in regret. Your body relaxed, your response being more one of surprise rather than fear. Erwin never gave you a bad feeling, not once,  not even now as you stood practically bare in front of him.

“Could you be sorry while looking the other way for a moment?” You asked, your tone softening as well. Erwin’s eyebrows raised in realization before laughing and turning around. “Of course.” His broad back faced you as you slipped back into your dress, doing up the buttons before sighing. “Okay, I’m decent again.” You said and watched as he slowly turned around again. You noticed a soft pink tint to his cheeks and found yourself trying not to laugh. You weren’t embarrassed but he certainly was.

“Are you perhaps blushing, Erwin?” You asked, leaning forward to get a little bit of a closer look at his face and to taunt a little. “I wasn’t expecting to see anyone here, let alone you in this state…” He noticed your lack of embarrassment and admired it. “Though I assume you weren’t expecting other’s either.” He finished and you nodded, seating yourself in the soft grass. Erwin joined you, leaning back in the grass and propping himself up on his elbow next to you. “My family never comes out here. I don’t think they know I come out here. So yes I wasn’t expecting company to say the least.” You told him, wiggling your bare toes in the grass and looking out over the lake.

Erwin watched you, then turned his gaze to the lake as well. It must have been difficult having your family not accept the way want to live your life, for you to be a woman who wanted to study over marriage at your age. It also seemed like they didn’t approve of the way you carried yourself, which Erwin didn’t understand at all. He would be happy to know the daughter he raised was strong and smart.

The next few days, you hardly saw Erwin at all. He was always being whisked away by your parents to social events or business, despite this having been a vacation for you all. You knew this would happen though, vacations were never such.

“What are your plans today?” His voice was a welcome surprise in the morning as you poured orange juice. You were still in your silk robe, the first one awake in the house that morning as you made your breakfast. Turning around with your glass in hand, you looked at him and his disheveled hair and clothes. It was clear he had rolled over and put the first thing on he could find and you found yourself wondering in what state he normally slept.

“I’m going into to town a little later today. You?” You asked, watching him rub his face. He looked tired, not relaxed at all. “Suppose your parents will be dragging me around all day again.” He put his hands on his hips and looked at you with a raised brow. “If I promise to buy you breakfast, can you get ready in ten minutes and I’ll drive you into town?” His proposal made you laugh and put down your glass. “Is my family driving you that mad, Erwin?” You asked him, watching him throw his head back with a laugh. You took in his jaw line and the way his Adam apple bobbed, thinking about just  how nice a day alone with him would be. “Would it be awful if I said yes?” He asked between chuckles. You looked like his angel that morning, every meeting and introduction he had been forced to go through making him want to go back to the base rather than stay. This was not the vacation he was hoping for and as bad as it made him feel, he was going to use you as an out that day.

“Not awful. Completely understandable.” You admitted and let out a sigh. “Breakfast on you, you say.” You fake pondered, taking in his amused expression. “I’ll be ready in ten minutes.” You smiled and he sighed in relief. “You’re an angel Y/N.” He said softly, taking your hand gently and patting it as a thank you. You could get used to him calling you that and you could get used to seeing him in the morning like this, you could also get used to his hand holding yours.

Another thing you could get used to was the way he looked driving. Window rolled down, arm resting on it as the wind blew through his hair. With one hand on the wheel, for the first time in the last few days he looked relaxed. You couldn’t help but stare at him and take him in. It felt like a date almost, the first one you had been on in a long time with a man you were actually interested in. But it wasn’t a date, it was entertaining your father’s colleague and you knew that. So you swallowed those feelings down, but decided admiring how attractive he was, was perfectly alright.

“Was this the place you mentioned earlier?” Erwin asked, snapping you out of your thoughts. You looked around to see the restaurant and nodded, waiting as he parked. He was a gentleman through and through, not helping with the feeling of it being a date as he opened the car door for you. Taking your hand in his again to help you out the car. “You’re being such a gentleman for someone who stole me away at seven in the morning.” You joked, feeling his hand on the small of your back as you entered the small restaurant. “It’s to make up for doing it for my own benefit. Besides, it’s not every day I get to take a beautiful young lady to breakfast.” Erwin laid his hand flatter against your body, his touches getting more familiar the more he got to know you.

Breakfast lasted longer than anticipated, speaking for a few hours about everything and anything. He liked learning about your family and about the history of the vacation house. He liked learning about you and the reasons you went to college and the reasons you studied what you did. Erwin was finding that he was absolutely taken by you and the more he got to know you, the more he wanted to steal you away to be his.

He told you about himself too, the dangerous missions he had been placed on and the most beautiful places he had been. You liked hearing about his life, his experiences. While you never had the desire to do a job quite as dangerous as him and your father, you did always admire the experiences that came with it. The travelling and meeting people, it made you envious of it all. You liked hearing him speak, watching his eyes as they went through the emotions of talking about his life. You found yourself daydreaming about what it would be like in a more intimate setting, your arms wrapped around him, laying in bed as you comforted him after a long day. It was something no man had ever made you yearn for, no man before him.

“I’ve never quite seen this many books.” He commented, entering the small bookstore you had loved since you were a girl. “Ah, you haven’t seen my room then.” You smiled and continued further into the store. This day was no longer about him getting away from your family, this was about him getting to know you more, even though he knew he couldn’t have you. “If it’s anything as full as this I might not want to.” He joked and you smacked his arm lightly before taking notice of a book with a colorful binding.

“I’ve always loved stories like this.” You remarked, running your fingers over the spine as you read the title. Erwin had never heard of it, not quite having the time to read much with his job. He picked up the book, flipping through the pages and finding himself smiling. “This is a romance book.” He commented, reading through a particularly sweet passage. “Don’t get me wrong, Erwin. I like the intellectual read. However nothing is quite better than a sweet romance book.” You explained, watching him flip through the pages. Erwin looked like he had walked right out of a romance novel, one of your own imagination.

“Suppose I can understand why…” He started and you leaned back against a book shelf. Erwin turned to you, placing an arm on either side of you, the book still in one of his hands. His face was close proximity to yours as he read your expressions, your big eyes staring up at him. “I would be the romantic too if my family kept trying to sell me off to the first suitable man they saw.” His remark made your cheeks get warm. It was an embarrassing situation, one he had undoubtedly heard more about from your father. “Yes, but apparently my personality makes me unsuitable.” Erwin laughed at your words and dropped his arms for you both to continue browsing. “I must argue that I disagree. If anything you’re quite refreshing.” He admitted and you looked at him with a grateful expression.

“I would have asked to marry the evening we met if it seemed like I had a chance.” Erwin thought to himself, watching you browse the books. He found himself picturing the future, days like these with you, holding your hands and spoiling you with books. He could imagine you dressing up beautifully, attending galas with him as he showed you off to the entire room. He even could see your shared home in his mind, maybe even kids. God, he wanted it so bad, he wanted you so bad.

“Erwin, you disappeared today.” Your mother said as dinner was served. “Ah yes, I had some plans in town.” Erwin lied and you found yourself looking to the ground and smiling. It was fun that only you and him knew the truth. “Ah I see. It’s quite alright, I was busy making the starting arrangements for Y/N’s engagement.” Your father said and your eyes shot open in disbelief.

 The pure anger you felt in your stomach made you cough and your head dizzy, but what made it worse was knowing you couldn’t do anything about it. “With who?” Your tone was laced anger, anyone could tell and well it was to be expected. “Jean Kirstein.” You knew it, the second the name was said and you fell silent. You knew it. Tears welled up in your eyes and you found yourself looking away from everyone again. Acting out wouldn’t be beneficial, you’d be labelled as dramatic. Crying wouldn’t help either, so you simply bit your lip and pushed all the emotions down.

Erwin felt himself get upset, seeing your face and response. He wasn’t entirely sure what came over himself as he exhaled, going back on all the things he had told himself since he had met you.

“It’s clear that is not what Y/N wants.” Erwin spoke and your father looked at him with furrowed brows. “I know family matters are not my place. But I’m here and I’ve gotten to know her.” He added on and your father opened his mouth to speak. You were still looking away, knowing no objections Erwin would say in your honor could possibly save you from this.

“I would like to marry your daughter.” The room went silent enough that you could hear a pin drop. Your ears were ringing, making it nearly impossible to believe that what he was saying was actually being said. Erwin had been in battles, on the brink of death, in meetings with important officials however, those things didn’t even come close to making his heart pound like this. “I want to marry your daughter. If she’d have me.” He said again, taking note that not even you had responded. He was speaking to your parents, but his eyes were trained on you with each word.

“I have to say Erwin, I’m shocked.” Your mother started and you pushed out of your chair, redirecting the attention to you. Your head hurt, aching with the pain of not having a choice. You also felt a wave of anger or distaste towards Erwin, he made it seem like he understood your pain that morning in the bookstore. Only for him to make this choice without talking to you about it. “I believe I’m going to go to bed.” You said, not responding to anything that was just said. You could hear protests from behind you as you walked away, but it all didn’t matter. Tomorrow you could think rationally, you hoped.

He felt guilty watching you walk away. This wasn’t something he should have done without asking you and he knew that. His gut told him it was the right thing, the signals you gave him, the way you looked at him. He felt foolish for thinking this was something you wanted. It was safe to say that dinner was ruined from that point on.

Walking past your bedroom door, Erwin took notice that it was left open a little and light spilled out of the crack. It wasn’t late at all and you were without a doubt in his mind mulling everything over, he liked to think he knew you well enough for that. He looked inside the room, seeing you in a nightgown sat in front of your vanity, reaching for your hairbrush. He could hear your sniffles and it made an ache settle in his chest. This wasn’t his intention.

“May I come in?” He mustered the courage to ask all while knocking you out of your thoughts. “I suppose.” You responded, toying with the bristles on your hairbrush as you watched him through your mirror. Tears still stained your cheeks and your eyes were slightly red. Your night gown was slightly revealing however Erwin had seen you with less on than that so you ignored it. You were upset with him and that was making it difficult to look at him, even through the mirror.

“I have to apologize to you.” He started, standing a few feet behind you. His blue eyes taking in the way you tried to focus on something else by brushing your hair. “It was impulsive of me to say that during dinner. Though I’d be lying if I said it hadn’t crossed my mind.” You paused your movements for a moment while listening to him. It wasn’t that marrying him hadn’t crossed your mind multiple times while looking at him or speaking with him. He was a great and attractive man and the thought sounded nice. It just angered you that he didn’t even speak with you about this, it made you feel like an object and that’s how you had felt nearly your whole life. You continued brushing your hair trying to work through your own thoughts.

“Can I do that?” Erwin asked, gesturing to your hairbrush. You shrugged and extended the brush to him, waiting as he grabbed a chair to sit behind you. The close proximity behind you made goosebumps coat your skin. “Are you angry with me?” He asked, voice lowering now that he was closer to you. You locked eyes with him through the mirror as he started gently brushing through your hair. “Angry not quite. Upset at the situation, yes.” You admitted and he nodded in understanding. “I understand.”

He continued brushing your hair, trying to do his best to not pull at any knots and be gentle with you. He had never done this before, brushed someone else’s hair but he was adding it to the list of many firsts he wanted to have with you. 

“I want these choices to be my own.” You looked down, tears starting to form again. While you were upset, you couldn’t keep it from him. “Hey, hey, look at me.” Erwin used his free hand to move your chin, helping you look at him. His thumb swiped away the tears, taking note of how your eyes were avoiding looking into to his dead on. “You should have talked to me about this first. I thought you were different from the others.” You half mumbled, thinking about your past. “It wasn’t my intention to upset you. I simply believe I misread the signs that I was someone you are interested in.” He said and finally, you looked at him. God you were even beautiful when you cried, it was simply unfair. “You didn’t misread the signs.” You pulled your face from his and turned your back to him once more. “I’d be lying if I said I haven’t had the thought.” You admitted and watched as a small smile pulled at his lips, all while he continued brushing your hair.

“Thought about it, huh? What did you think about?” He asked, a slight mischievous tone in his voice. You rolled your eyes, biting back a smile. You debated going into detail about how much his voice effected you, or the way he respected your choices practically made you go weak in the knees, when you noticed in the mirror how broad his shoulders were behind you and how he had practically caged you in between his long legs. The goosebumps on your skin seemingly got worse as his hand brushed your practically bare shoulder to move your hair.

“Well?” He asked, accidentally tugging your hair with the brush harshly. You gasped at the sudden feeling, leaning back into his chest and grabbing one of his thighs in response. His free hand grabbed your waist to support you, all the touching making a thick layer of tension fill the room. “I’m sorry, I’ve never done this before.” He chuckled as you looked back at him, his hand still holding you. Your faces were now significantly closer than before and he took note of the tension. The thin strap of your nightgown slipped down your shoulder, drawing his eyes as he reached around you to put the brush down on the vanity. “However, you still didn’t answer me.” He brushed some of your hair from your face, using the back of his hands to feel how warm your cheeks were.

“I’m well aware, that you can take care of yourself. But I want to help.” His hand now held your chin, making sure you couldn’t look away. He wanted you to hear what he was saying, he wanted you to feel it. “Will you let me?” He asked and you could feel your heart pounding in your chest, your hand gripping his thigh a little harder. “Yes.” Your voice was barely a whisper, not being able to make it any louder.

You shut your eyes and Erwin tilted your chin upwards, softly kissing your lips. It was so gentle, such a ginger touch for such a strong man, leaving you breathless. “Thank you.”  He mumbled against your lips, pulling away so you could catch your breath only to kiss you even harder afterwards. You absolutely melted, feeling his teeth graze over your lips as his hand kept your face steady. God, he tasted like a dream. The way his tongue melded against yours making your nails dig into his thigh, you moaned against his lips.

His hand turned your face to look in the mirror, his hand still holding your chin as he looked at you through the glass. “Look at how beautiful you are.” Erwin said, though it seemed more like he was speaking to himself as he kissed the side of your face, trailing his lips down your jaw to your neck. “Such a strong and beautifully intelligent woman.” He added on and the hand on your waist tugging the bottom of your nightgown up. His words were making your chest ache and heat pool in between your legs. You looked at yourself in the mirror, your puffy lips and eyes from all the emotions yet you still felt beautiful, he helped you feel beautiful.

The skin of your thighs was slowly revealed to him, his hands both moving to feel the soft exposed skin. You relaxed in his touch, eyes meeting through the mirror as you let him slowly undress you further. His fingertips grazing the edge of your panties causing a small whimper to leave your lips. He chuckled slightly, enjoying your reactions to his small touches before tugging the fabric up more. Your panties were fully exposed and you could see your midriff in the mirror. Goosebumps coated your skin and you squeezed his thigh again. “Don’t tease me. Please.” You told him, begged him even. “I need you.” You added on and watched as he lifted the fabric even more, exposing your bare breasts to the mirror before pulling the nightgown off of you fully.

It took him no two seconds to cup your breasts in his large hands, feeling you arch against chest. Your skin was so soft under his touch and every little sound you made was music to his ears. “Oh-“ You whimpered, his fingers pinching at your nipples gently and watching every facial expression that graced your features. “I like teasing you. Your facial expressions are worth every second of my time.” He said and kissed your neck once more. “So I’m going to keep going-“ He started, biting you lightly but not hard enough to leave a mark. “Until I think you’re ready for the rest of me.” His words made your stomach do flips, you wanted all of him.

One of his hands spread your legs before sliding under the band of your panties, middle finger slowly drawing circles over your clit. He was now only watching your face, feeling how wet you were all for him as he spread your slick around. Erwin could feel that he was straining in his pants, it had been so long since someone had this affect on him. This was sensitive, you were sensitive in mind and body and he wanted to take his time with both. Slowly stretching you out on his finger, curling in you slowly until you were ready enough for another. His other hand moved from your breasts to your hand, threaded his fingers with yours as you moaned out.

He added another finger, curling them quicker in you and leaving you gasping. You turned your head to his, no longer caring about the sight of yourself in the mirror. He could feel you tightening around his fingers, walls squeezing them as you sounds got louder. Your lips were centimeters from his, silently begging for a kiss and he couldn’t help but comply. Kissing you deeply, taking in your taste as your hand squeezed his. You moaned against his mouth, nearly biting his lip as you came and his fingers continued pumping into you.

“Erwin-“ You mumbled against his lips, trying your hardest not to squirm too much as tears brimmed your eyes. He was overstimulating you, smiling against your lips as you said his name again. “It’s too much.” You whispered, voice already hoarse and he wasn’t anywhere near done with you. He pulled his fingers out of you and you grabbed his hand, raising the digits to your lips to clean them off. He let out a chuckle in surprise at how bold the action was, feeling your tongue swirling around his fingers before he pulled away. Now was when his self discipline started to wear thin.

It took him no 2 seconds to pick you up, princess style in his arms and walk you over to your bed. He placed you down like you were made of glass, looking down at you and your body. He slowly undid the buttons of his shirt before pushing it off of his shoulders and onto the ground, revealing his broad, muscular chest. You sat up on your elbows, watching him, taking every second of him in the same way he did for you. You watched as his fingers nimbly moved, working to take off his belt and undo his slacks to push them down his toned thighs.

“You’re beautiful.” You said softly, meaning the words. Erwin looked at you once more, with a cocked eyebrow before crawling over you. His body was so warm, his large arms encasing you with something you couldn’t describe as anything else other protection. “Don’t think I’ve ever been called that before.” He said softly, tilting your face up to kiss him again. He absolutely couldn’t get enough of you, spreading your legs to wrap around his waist. “Not even when I was young.” He added on and you shook your head with smile. As you opened your mouth to speak again, you could feel his cock heavy against your entrance and you found yourself swallowing thickly.

You hugged his shoulders, pressing your forehead into his as he slowly pushed into you. He knew he had to pace himself, not wanting to hurt you in any way shape or form. He furrowed his brows, shutting his eyes as he slowly slid into you and giving your walls a moment to stretch. He felt you shift under him, your legs trying to close at the pressure of him between them. “Oh-“ You whined, the stretch taking your breath away as your body tried to accommodate him.

Erwin opened his eyes again, wanting to see your face and not being disappointed in the slightest at your expression. “Look at me.” He demanded in the softest tone, his hands now moving to pin your legs to your chest. The change in position made it feel like his cock sat in your stomach and you opened your eyes with a loud moan. “Erwin, I need you to do something, anything, please!” You cried out, your body moving and trying to create more friction. Any pain you had felt before had subsided and now it felt like a cruel joke that he wasn’t moving.

“Shh, shh.” He cooed, hand stroking your face as he tried his best to pace himself. Your begging and tight pussy were making it incredibly hard, together with your soft skin against his, Erwin was properly overstimulated. He slowly thrust his hips, not moving much before gently picking up the pace. Your sighs and moans getting more and more frequent with each roll of his hips. He held your legs with one arm while the other supported his weight by your head, not wanting to crush you in the middle of it all.

“Feels so good.” Your voice shook, his cock brushing every part in you that made your toes curl. It felt so good you could hardly make a noise anymore, mouth agape with nothing coming out. “Look at how good you are, letting me take care of you.” He grumbled, the compliment making your brain even more foggy. You looked down, in between your spread legs and where you two connected. The sight of his cock disappearing inside of you making your walls squeeze him, it had you nearly hypnotized. His pace nearly faltered, seeing you look down at your pussy, watching the way he spread you apart and the way your juices coated him.

“Oh god!” You cried out, orgasm suddenly hitting you like a ton of bricks. Erwin could feel you fluttering around him, still watching the way he fucked you despite your eyes wanting to roll back. Your nails gripped your bedsheets and your legs shook on his shoulders, but his pace didn’t falter. He needed relief himself, seeing and feeling you cum around being almost enough to get him there. Moving your legs once more around his waist, he pressed his chest to yours and fucked you harder. He knew it was a lot for you, watching the way your mouth fell open as you tried to keep eye contact with him. “I know, it’s a lot.” He huffed, deep grunts falling from his lips in between words. He suddenly pulled out of you, making you whimper as you watched his large hand wrap around his cock. Pumping it to the same pace as he had fucked you, he moaned your name as he shot his release over your stomach. His head hung slightly as he lazily pumped his cock, making sure all the tension left his body as he shuddered.

Your stomach was doing flips, missing the feeling of him inside of you and wanting the feeling of him cumming in you even more. Sitting up slightly, you held his face to pull him towards you and giving him a kiss. “Next time do that inside of me.” You told him softly, watching him look at you with an amazed expression. “As much as I would love to see you pregnant with my kids, think it would be wise if we paced ourselves.” His words made your stomach do flips, the thought of your future. The thought of a future being married suddenly didn’t seem so bleak.

When you fell asleep in his arms, Erwin found himself staring at your ceiling. Self indulging in fantasizing about your future as he listened to your breathing. Stroking your bare back as you slept he felt a wave of worry wash over him. He didn’t want to get your hopes up, especially now that you had talked, so he decided it was best to keep the argument he had with your father to himself. He would fix it, he would take care of you.

The warmth in your bed was gone in the morning, making it incredibly difficult for you to get up. Images replaying in your head of the night before, you could feel his tender touches over your skin like a ghost. Even as you washed them away they lingered and as you wandered down the stairs you found your cheeks warm.

“You’re up early.” You remarked, looking at Erwin standing at the window with his cup of coffee in hand. The radio was on quietly, static interfering with the signal slightly as you tucked yourself under his arm. He welcomed your embrace warmly, squeezing you tighter to him as he sipped his coffee. Mornings like this could be something he got used to, even if you reached to take his coffee for a sip. “I had a lot of things to think about.” He told you in return, watching you hold his mug. His fingers played with the fabric of your dress and you hummed along to the tune playing. Moving his hand up your back in the same way he did the night before and sending shivers over your body.

Your father watched from down the hall, your mother not far behind as they came down for breakfast. They would have been lying if they said the sight didn’t make them angry, the argument from the night before still fresh on their minds. The thought of the man they had brought into their home thinking of their daughter in a romantic way making them uneasy. Not to mention the age difference that left them raising questions.

Erwin took your hand after taking the mug from you, making you twirl to the music before bringing you back to his chest. Smiling at the way you looked at him in surprise. “Old dog learning new tricks?” You asked as he swayed you both to the music. “Starting with these jokes now are we?” He asked, hands tickling you slightly as you laughed. “Couldn’t help myself.” You admitted before standing on your toes to give him a kiss.

Your parents often thought you delusional, the studying and reading stories about romance. However even your father could admit that he hadn’t ever seen you this happy, as jarring as it all was. He knew he was hard on you, it was his duty to you as his first born to drive you to be the best you could be. Until that moment, he thought he knew what best for you was. He turned to your mother, looking at his wife before taking a deep breath. “Maybe we were wrong.” Big words coming from a man like him. “Dear, I think you might be right.”

A/N; This is my baby and I'm really proud of it so yuh

also @chicken-fifi thank you for asking to be tagged! I appreciate it

[ithinkilikeit-reactions]

After watching the mv your theme is so so cute how do you choose what you want as a theme and how to find content like gifs and pics you want to use cause I struggle with theme so much and I’ve never done gifs before. Also hi hubby I loved the mv I love Hyojin as a blonde and I love love love MK’s voice so much and Hyojin’s voice too! What did you think about the mv?

ahh thank you sweetie!!! I always just make my own gifs for my theme so I can color and make it the way I want!

And yes I loved the mv it was everything I wanted for ONF, it was bright and bubbly and sounded so good. If they ever go dark concept i will be so upset

#ask

[ithinkilikeit-reactions]

Thoma from Genshin is so blonde Yunho coded

#yunho #ateez #writing for him on my anime blog and just always see him as yunho in my head #thoma #genshin

[ithinkilikeit-reactions]

Hello! VERY Long time no talk. Life been a little tough the last year or so so sorry for disappearing . I am now officially in love with all of Onewe(Harin being the bias) so as a WEVE now any Onewe content you our one will be absolutely loved by me!…..St.Van’s Kitten Anon

Oh my, relic on my blog truly! I read your name and instantly knew you! I'm so glad you got into Onewe and I'm glad you came to say hello! I hope life has been treating you better.

I unfortunately haven't been writing on this blog at all, my interests have shifted slightly but I'm really glad you reached out. It makes me happy to see people who have been here for so long come back.

#ask #i got goosebumps seeing the anon tag it's been so long

[ithinkilikeit-reactions]

Popping on to share a thought of mine: Mingi covering a Sleep Token song??? Maybe Granite??? His tone would be so delicious singing that song.

Also genuinely think he would like the song and maybe Sleep Token in general.

Give it a listen to see if you agree

#ateez #mingi #his singing voice is lovely #mingi mango #Youtube

[ithinkilikeit-reactions]

Mingi loves making you feel good about yourself

fem!reader + Dom!Mingi (oral, hair pulling, rough sex, mirror sex, swearing, dirty talk, praise) 

Lees verder

#ateez #mingi #rb ing myself

[ithinkilikeit-reactions]

Sea Superstitions //Kim Hongjoong//

Ateez Masterlist                                     Group Masterlist

Tags: Pirate!Ateez, Cursed captain Hongjoong x afab reader, cursing, yelling, fighting, mentions of death, blood  

Smut tags: no power dynamics, laughing, oral (reader receiving), kissing,   scratching, nipple play

Word Count: 8831 

This was it, this was the moment he had worked so hard for. The moment that made the demeanor of the man change from one who simply loved the sea, to one who wanted power, fame, riches and glory. This was the moment that changed Hongjoong.

Ever since he had caught wind of the treasure there was a shift in the captain. There was even a shift in the crew, they could all feel it. Their captain was drifting, losing his mind slowly, no longer listening to reason and no longer listening to the crew he once considered family. Hongjoong was stricken with greed and it had changed him through and through. As much as the crew hated it, they couldn’t bring themselves to leave. Not only would Hongjoong have killed them with this new demeanor, they still loved him. The crew was a family, despite all the changes.

“You see this, men?” Hongjoong asked, passing the torch in his hands over to Seonghwa. It was damp in the cave, the few torches among his crew being quite dim. “This is what we’ve been working for.” Seonghwa exchanged looks with some of the crew members standing in the front. This was what they were working for, Hongjoong wasn’t wrong… it just wasn’t for themselves. The money would have been nice, but the whole crew was simply hoping this find would bring their captain back.

Hongjoong leaned over the chest, brushing the dirt and dust off of the markings over the top. It was clear no one had been here in hundreds of years and that thought alone brought Hongjoong joy. His finger tips glided over the top, reading the markings carefully only and only hesitating for a moment. “This treasure belongs to one, those who are not the rightful owner shall face the consequences.” He read to himself, keeping his voice hushed. He was no stranger to curses or legends, he wasn’t one to necessarily believe them either. The sea was a vast place and it was only natural for people to speculate about what they haven’t seen. Even with this is mind, Hongjoong was being naïve and broke the lock to the chest.

It was like an anvil struck him on the head, pulling him to the hard ground with force. Screaming as it felt as if his head was splitting apart, lifting his hands to his head and tugging at the hair. The pain was white hot, absolutely blinding, excruciating as he writhed in pain. Only for it all to stop and his vision to go black.

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#ateez #hongjoong #rb-ing myself