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#the only thing that initially came to my mind for the last one was something im not ready to discuss yet actually thats why this took
feisaru · 9 months
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Oooooo may I ask about 🫂 and 🎭 headcanons for Fei please?!
And if you're still up for more, than 👗 and 🧸 headcanons for Saru please and thank you! uwu///
Thank you so much for the ask! Sorry this took so long, I had to think about it
🫂: a hc about friendship
WHOA buckle up this one's a tad bit personal. Him and Saru have been in a "friendship" until they were around 20 years old. Maybe they updated the label to "BEST friends" once, but that was the peak of it (still was a huge step for Saru) (and this made me remember a really bad shitpost scenario ft. my OC). That's when Saru went "haha if it weren't for him, I would be dead by now, might as well just-" and pulled his head out of his ass (this means "stopped being a coward" for those who don't know) and really said "I love you" for the first time without beating about the bush (The reason Fei didn't feel the need to confess before Saru is a topic for another time but here's a hint: it was not because he was afraid of rejection). The thing is, by that point they had been kissing (and everything else basically) in high frequency for a few years already. Most things you'd think are a couple thing, they probably had done already. Their Something, as I like to call it bc that's how Saru started thinking about it one day as well, just had no real label beyond friends (which to Saru is already a special thing, anyway). And they didn't even really feel the need to label it. It was beyond categorization. Their special Something. I'm relatively new to this label in particular, but I guess this goes in the direction of the QPR domain (label that's v dear to me also). Yeah so turning their weird little beautiful Something into an official relationship was in and of itself just a matter of formalities. Quite literally almost nothing changed after they became official partners. But they sure do enjoy telling each other they love each other from that point on. (This makes me wanna reread the other times I've talked about this... damn)
Okay all jokes aside, the real hc was, Zanark and Fei actually get on pretty well. Fei gets on with a lot of people, sure, but Zanark is not so into being friends with everyone and he likes Fei a lot. He thinks Fei is amazing for still being the way he is, for not caving in and letting all that happened weigh him down forever although life has evidently dealt him a bad hand. But he also thinks Fei should most definitely not be shouldering all the burden by himself. I and a friend of mine agreed that it would have been nice if Fei had gotten to structure his thoughts in a more personal talk with someone before the final match. You know, unpacked a bit about Everything that was racing through his head, stated his motivations to someone, made up his mind on some stuff. More explicitly and in more depth and length than canon allowed him to. And even tho Zanark is no expert at comforting, we both thought that Zanark would have liked to check up on him. And Fei would have not had such a hard time explaining some things to him because they are from the same time etc etc. So we roleplayed something that you can imagine as a scene that happened off-screen. It was very very nice I loved that
🎭: a hc about what they lie about
Hard one. Fei doesn't lie a lot. He really sucks at that, as Saru mentioned once. He downplays things or avoids talking about certain topics altogether instead. So even if that's technically cheating, I'll tell you about that instead. He has a tendency to downplay his own feelings and needs. He wants to look after everything and everyone as much as he can and he forgets that he deserves breaks and somebody looking after him too.
👗: a hc about their clothing style
HHHH lotta thoughts on this one actually. But I'mma control myself. Saru is half This Guy Has No Fashion Sense, half Extra. He only knows how to dress when he really wants to. He's gender non-conforming about it. The harder you tell him he shouldn't wear this or that, the harder he wears it. Because he runs on spite. He will wear it because he can, fuck your whole life heteronormativity. He has overly specific kinds of clothes that he feels good in. He loves wearing heels because he is like the dog on the counter that likes feeling Tall.
Okay, so I don't get carried away any more, here's sth more specific: in his generally tad bit less bold first 3-5 years post-CS, he always found himself returning to oversized hoodies and pullovers. There was a rather simple black one that he wore often.
🧸: a hc about their childhood
Hah this one's hard... because these are the thoughts I really only speak about once in a blue moon, even privately with the people closer to me. Let me try and find something that won't feel so exposing (for lack of a better word) in my head.
Once again a beta hc that may change in the future: I like to think that similarly to Fei's rabbit, he once owned a monkey plush. Basically from birth on. I have not yet made up my mind about what exactly happened to it, but whichever was its fate, it wasn't good. Saru quickly grew to be not very fond of it because of who he got it from and what it stood for, to lightly put it. The plush has experienced his beginner attempts at externalizing his inner pain.
Ask game from which this is from
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sepherinaspoppies · 26 days
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Riding the Dragon- Modern! Aemond Targaryen x Reader
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summary: after a great dinner with Aemond, he decides to give you a ride on his motorcycle, a Dragon T6.
warnings: 18+, MDNI, public smut, pussy on bike, cum play?, reader getting off on Aemond's bike, some tiddy succin, mentions of p in v sex, I think that it?
wc: 3,064
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dividers by @firefly-graphics
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click here for a tiktok that gives off aemond in this story lo
notes: this is my first time writing in reader's pov? the whole 'you' kind of perspective. I apologize if it sucks ass, I wanted to try something different. And can y'all believe I wrote majority of this when I was ovulating? HAHA
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“I had a really nice time tonight.” The man in front of you says with a content and flirtatious smile on his pretty chiseled face. 
Heat coats through your cheeks to the tip of your ears. Definitely not the effect of the two glasses of wine you’d drunk not too long ago. Wine hardly ever did a number on you to slightly fuddle your conscience. 
You give him a sheepish grin, scraping the tips of your heels against the pavement, shying away from the intensity that his eye holds. “Same here. I hope we can do this again sometime.”
His face contorts in a way that clearly indicates that the feeling is in fact very, mutual. “Mind if I take down your number?” He asks, pulling out the latest new Iphone from his pocket. You only engaged in conversation through the dating app both of you met in and you thought it seemed only fair to give him your number after weeks of meeting him.
He taps a few things on his screen before you’re met with a white screen with only your first name and birthday typed. It is then when you wonder how he came about on knowing your birthday, if you had ever mentioned it in your electrifying conversations either on the app or this date. Most likely the second option. 
You knew his name, well if you’d call it that, supplying you only his first initial. By his angelic looks, he was definitely of Valyrian descent. And you hate how much of a sucker you were for those blonde bitches. You knew he was in the last year of university, double majoring in political science and business here in the capital. You also knew he had a geriatric maine coon cat, Vhagar, who’d stuck with him since he was a child. 
But that was pretty much it. 
You nod, typing out the most critical information both of you needed in order to secure the second date. “Here you go,” you hand back his phone with such caution that causes his lips to quiver in a smirk. 
He leans forward, too forward in a way you feel his breath steadily fanning your face and the warmth that radiates through his chest. You don’t pull away as his head lowers, keeping your gaze steady with his, admiring the amethyst hue of his lone eye that twinkles against the low street lights. 
A snakes his hand around your hips, which normally you’d slap away if it was any other man. But he was different. A rare gentleman who bought you a single winter rose even when you were five minutes late, let you devour the fries off his plate, and hashed your steak without asking. 
You wanted him to kiss you and perhaps even more. 
You wouldn’t say no. If anything you’d whimper out a simple “please” if it came to that. 
However, just as you expect his lips, it doesn’t come. He pulls away with a lupine smirk on his face, waiting for a response to a question you did not hear.
You cough away the slight embarrassment, “What?” 
“I asked what your password was,” 
Before you process how he did it, you see him wave the gray screen of your phone around your face, waiting for the six digit code. 
Oh. 
“I got your number but you did not get mine and you’re gonna need it when I take you out to dinner again.” The blonde in front of you points out. 
True.
It almost feels too goofy revealing the code that multiple of your friends tease you for. Nevertheless, you stutter out the numbers: one, two, three, four, five, and six. 
You hear him dryly laugh, shaking his head side to side as he types out the three sets of numbers. “Mmm, you need a better password, darling. One might think you want your personal information stolen,” He teases. You shift your thighs to a close at the term of endearment, already feeling the slightest tingles in a place where you desired him the most. 
You make a sound of agreement making a mental note to change it later tonight. After he hands back your phone, he combs back the loose silvery hair out of his face into a neat bun that well flatters his face. “Take mine for example; it’s five, twenty-two, one-thirty. Easy to remember.” 
“Is that your cat’s birthday?” You questioned. 
“No. It’s the day we matched on Tinder.” 
You are lost for words. Not even you knew the exact date you matched with him, only knowing it was around a few weeks ago. Judging by your reaction, he knew what you were thinking. 
After a few more rounds of flirtatious conversations, you both decided to call it a night, waving each other goodnight as you watched as he sped up in a black, shiny Dragon T6, a vintage motorcycle that was the second most precious thing he owned. (The first being Vhagar). You’d be lying if that wasn’t one of the list of reasons why you swiped right. A tall Valyrian man, with long locks, that rode a motorcycle definitely modeled the countless dark romance books you’d spent hours reading. 
To your frustration, the price of Uber had doubled the amount you’d paid for hours ago. Not even Uber Share happened to be near your price range. For ten gold dragons, you could buy a week’s worth of groceries!
So you sighed, turning off your phone. Your usual bus was still in service and way cheaper than the ridiculous prices of Uber. And while it was too late to be out by yourself, it was a risk you were willing to take. 
As you rummage through your wallet for some copper coins, you hear a deep, rumbling sound of an engine revving up close to where you stand. 
It’s him. Braking his bike on the side of the road where you are. His expensive Lysene suit coat no longer hugged his body, wearing only a white dress shirt that was half unbuttoned, giving you an impeccable view of his perfectly rounded cleavage and the multiple hidden tattoos you didn’t know he had. 
“Hop in,” He says, pointing his head to the side. It was not a request but a demand. 
You tilt your head, unsure whether to say yes or no. “Is it safe?” You ask. His chest moves, seemingly laughing as he opens the visor of his helmet. “Of course it is. I’m a cautious driver, never had an accident and I don’t think I ever will. I made sure to drink water after a glass of wine, so I’m not under the influence.” 
He narrows his eye, observing the hesitation written throughout your face. He offers the spare helmet from his bag and hopes that it will coax the uneasiness. 
“If you’re so dubious about it then by all means the bike is yours to drive.” 
It’s your turn to laugh because the thought of you riding something of high value and rarity seemed absurd and silly. You were someone who did not have experience in driving in general whilst also being terrified of the narrow and steep roads of King’s Landing. 
But there was no humor in A’s eye. 
“You’re not serious are you?” 
He powers off the bike before he scoots back from his seat. “I am.” He eagerly pats the spot he has saved for you. 
“You do realize that this is a Dragon T6, right? They practically don’t make these anymore!” You gesture your hands around the expensive looking machine that was probably worth more than your left kidney. 
He clicks his tongue, crossing his arms on his chest. “What’s your point?”
You scoff playfully, “My point is that manufacturers don’t make these anymore and if I crash it–”  
“–You should have a little more faith in yourself. Maybe this will come naturally to you but you’ll never know if you don’t try.” 
You can’t help but exhale in slight failure. This was a conversation you knew you couldn’t win with him. “Look, I’m not going to pressure you into something you don’t feel comfortable doing but I happen to be a great teacher. And if you do crash I’ll buy another, they aren’t that expensive anyways.” The Valyrian man shrugs as if thousands, or hundred thousands of gold dragons were nothing. 
You mutter a “fine” under your breath which makes him all giddy with excitement and slides the helmet down your head. He double checks if it's secured before he lifts you to sit properly on his bike. 
“Or I have one or two things in mind of how you could repay me.” 
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Every single piece of information he hurled your way was taken deep into your head. And you did your best to pay attention to it all under the sharp needles of nerves going through your spine. At some point he had given you little rubs up and down your back to soothe your nerves. The effect was anything but that, instead all you could think about was how his hands would feel against the bareness of your body.
Fuck. 
You tried to push those lewd thoughts away as he demonstrated the anatomy of the Dragon T6. The ignition was a little red switch right below the speedometer, whilst the clutch was on the left hand side and the accelerator in your right. The gear shift was something you had to get used to as it was not on your eye level but rather a small little lever near your foot. 
Once he feels you’ve gotten the grasp of how everything works it was time for the ultimate test. “Alright now we start. Are you ready?” He asked with an eager smile tugging his lips. 
No.
You nod your head, adjusting the mirrors to match your height. You feel the tips of his fingers lift and turn your chin towards him, “Use your words, darling.” There it was that name again that made you clutch your thighs together. You audibly gulp, “Y-yes I’m ready.”
“Good,” His hands squeeze at your hip bones to bring you closer to him. Your eyes widen almost comically to what you assume is his cock pressing insistently onto your ass. It was hard, and through the thin material of your dress you could feel it throbbing full of want and need. Gods, how will you ever focus now?
A brief image flashed through your mind of how much and what was packing underneath his undergarments. The length and thickness and how it would feel wrapped around your palm as you’d stroke him from base to tip, or the taste of him as you’d take him inside your mouth, or having his full length stuffed deep inside you as he fucked you dumb. 
Something tells you that he knows what you are thinking but neither of you speak about it. 
Finally, he takes your hands onto the handles of the clutch and the accelerator and you, being a step ahead, check if the gear is on neutral before you release the clutch and to your satisfaction it is. The blonde behind you smiles at you proudly like a teacher would to their student. 
“Now, you’re gonna slowly release the clutch and twist the accelerator slightly…there you go, good girl. You’re doing such a good job.” He coos at your ear. 
The beat of your heart raced almost out of your chest. You weren’t sure if it was the excitement of a small accomplishment or the low timbre of his voice praising you but you welcomed it. 
With confidence you didn’t know you had, you decided to drive the rest of the way to your apartment without complications and took up every tip the man behind you advised. The cool air kissing your skin and the adrenaline wildly pumping through your veins, awoke something in you and slowly you began to comprehend why A loved riding. 
You had felt like a small bird taking its first flight through the skies. 
When you both reached the parking lot to your apartment, you returned his helmet and a small part lingering inside you did not want to let it go. You enjoyed it and the freedom it brought you.  
“That was so fun! I can’t believe it was that easy. Think I need to save me up for one of these,” You quipped patting the bike. 
He throws his head back to let out an amused laugh, “Or I can just give you this one,” A tone of nonchalant laced through his voice. 
You look at him baffled, “I was–” 
“–But first we need to get you your license before I–” 
“–Absolutely not, I was jesting.” You snipped, making him roll his eyes with a slight pout drawing out his lips.
“You’re stubborn and difficult, has anyone told you that?” You chortle thinking of the numerous times you’ve been called that. 
“Plenty of times but I reckon this won’t be the last.” 
He hums tucking a loose piece of hair behind your ear, “I guess I have to fuck it out of you.”
You blink.
The hue of your cheeks increased tenfold, your feet and body became paralyzed to what he had just confessed. 
Had he just said that to shut you up? If so it worked. 
You didn’t know how to respond to something as bold as that and to your inclination you lowered your head but the blonde behind you couldn’t have that. You felt the tips of his fingers roughly grip your jaw to meet his gaze. The amethyst hue of his eye turned into a darker shade of violet as he eyed between your eyes then your lips. 
Every part of you screamed for him to kiss you or to do something to appease the longing. 
You instinctively parted your lips when his head began to dip towards your lips. The tip of his nose brushed delicately against your own then it slowly trailed to sniff at your neck, the sweet smell of spiced peaches. 
“Nyke jaelagon ao,” He whispered in his mother language. 
“Pār emagon issa,” You said before you mentally said ‘fuck it’ and knocked the wind out of him with a kiss. 
He lets out a mix between a growl and a groan as he feels your wandering hands tugging the roots of his hair. Something you yearned to do ever since you saw how long and silky his hair was. 
And Gods did it meet your expectations. 
His lips moved against yours most ardently and with equal fervor. It was hungry and needy the way your teeth clashed with his, tongues dancing for dominance until you hissed when he bit your lower lip. 
You melted into his warm embrace, deciding to tease him by rubbing your palm on his clothed length, detecting a damp patch. You shot your eyes open, separating away your lips. 
“Did you just cum?” You panted heavily. 
A smirked, “I came when you first got on the bike and I was about to cum right now.” 
You quirked a brow, “That’s what did it for you?” Redness coated his cheeks and before you knew it his lips were on you again and his hands lifted the hem of your dress, exposing the black lacy panties you wore just for him. 
“Incase you get lucky,” Your best friend Sara teased just the day before when you and her took a shopping trip to a Lysene lingerie store. 
Through some imaginary telepathic communication, you thanked Sara. 
He groaned feeling the wetness that gathered through your folds. You weren’t just wet, you were dripping like honey on a hot summer’s day. A mischievous idea popped into his mind, something so lewd that made the head of his cock twitch with excitement. 
You squealed as he swiftly turned you around and twisted the ignition switch on. Was he going to make you drive in this state? 
“Move your panties to the side.” He commanded behind you. 
You pushed away the curiosity and did what he bid you to do. “Good girl. Now lean forward a bit.” You shifted yourself forward until you could feel the warm metal of his seat pressing tenaciously at your bare cunt. 
A gasp turned into drawn out moans as the blonde behind you revved the accelerator at a speed that made stars appear in your eyes. It felt good, so obscenely good that all thoughts about being in a public setting flew right over your head. 
You began to grind yourself with the vibrations, creating as much friction to your bud as you could. 
“That’s it, darling,” He encouraged behind you, increasing power to the accelerator just enough for your arousal to coat his bike. “Fuck yourself on my Dragon.” 
You clenched around nothing, whining as you felt the pure waves of ecstasy slithering down your spine. It was unlike anything you ever felt, not even the vibrator you owned made you topple over the edge.
In ten seconds or less, you loudly moaned, not caring who heard or saw you, as your legs shaked and the coil around your stomach loosened, cumming absolutely hard. 
Your limbs felt entirely spent as if you ran three laps around Rhaenys’ hill. 
“Mmm, do not get too comfortable, now, darling.” He boasted smugly as his fingers scoop your honey to his lips, humming at the delicious taste. “I haven’t even fucked you senseless yet and after witnessing this I want nothing more but to ruin your ability to walk straight for week.” 
A low whine escaped your lips at the thought of him roughly taking you. “Is that what you want?” He questioned, lowering the straps of your dress to expose your breasts to his gaze. 
You sighed contently, feeling his tongue enclosing around your perk nipple. “Yes please,” You tenderly loop your fingers through his hair. 
“I promise I will never make you beg,” He murmurs against your breast, “But you sound so pretty when you do.” 
He had kept true to his word as he not only bent you over his bike as he fucked you raw, but took you three more rounds on your couch, bed and shower until you absolutely passed out in his arms. And for the rest of the week you couldn’t walk straight without limping. Thanks to Aemond Targaryen. 
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empty is who I couldn't tag sowwy besties.
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likedovesinthewindd · 4 months
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request: I wanted to request a Farleigh Start x fem reader. Where they are both American and he asks that she helps him with an essay. During the process, he starts having feelings for her because of her honesty towards him but she doesn’t realize it until he says it out loud.
★ tags: @darkeyesshine
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You were surprised when Farleigh had initially approached you for help on an essay. You knew him, not personally, but the two of you attended tutorials under the same tutor, and before that, you've seen him around campus plenty of times, usually accompanied by his plethora of friends.
You were, however, not at all surprised when he hadn't shown up the next day as he promised. You checked the time on your wristwatch; thirty something minutes passed since you had arrived at the library. You couldn't say it was uncommon for him, considering he wasn't exactly known for his punctuality or perfect attendance, but you'd be dammed if he was going to waste your time when he was the one who needed your help.
You huffed in annoyance, beginning to pack away your books and call it a day when you noticed Farleigh's tall figure appeared from behind one of the bookshelves, eyes darting around until he saw you sitting by one of the long tables. He took a seat at the chair next to yours rather than the one across from you as he started rummaging through his bag.
"You're late," you said, reopening your books and trying not to show too much irritation at his tardiness and still remain cordial. "So sorry ma'am. Won't happen again, ma'am," he said sarcastically as he dropped his books on the table with a loud thud before sighing. "But in all seriousness, I really am sorry. So, uh, shall we start?"
To his credit, he stayed true to his promise (kinda) and would always be early enough for your sessions, most days looking like death itself due to a previous night of partying or studying. Farleigh was actually very smart; people always seemed to forget that considering strings had to be pulled to get him into Oxford due to his past behavior and poor choices. You still liked him, though, and had grown used to his sarchotic personality and the playful banter that came with it.
He himself had grown quite fond of you, too. He liked that you never spared him his own verbal lashings and never sugar-coated anything; whether it was critique on his writing or telling him he wasn't going to see 30 with the way he needed a smoke break every five minutes.
Today was the last session before he was to submit his work for moderation, and as you read through his work for the last time, you could feel his eyes burning holes into the side of your head. You chalked it down to him being really eager to get all of this over with.
"It looks really good," you smiled as you slid the file back to him. You were half expecting him to simply take the file and be on his way with a half-assed thank you thrown your way, but he actually seemed very grateful for your efforts. "I owe you one," was the last thing he said before he was already halfway across the library. Later that night, he would be at your dorm room door with a gift bag in hand.
"A thank you gift," he smiled as you took the bag from him. "It wasn't necessary, but thank you," you said. "It definitely was," he argued, "You saved my ass."
"I also kinda wanted a reason to come and tell you about Anabel's little get-together tomorrow night. The Christmas party?" he added. "I know about it. And I heard its invite only," you said, crossing your arms. "That's why I'm telling you. I'm inviting you," he said very matter-of-factly. "Why do you want me to go, don't you have friends?"
"Are we not also friends?" he said, sighing when your eyebrows knit together in confusion. "C'mon, are you really gonna make me beg?"
"No, I don't mind going with you, I just didn't think you liked me that much," you said truthfully. "Well, I do like you. I really like you," he said with a smile. "Tomorrow night. Seven," he added before he was gone.
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javarium · 5 months
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the door with the floral wreath | r. sukuna
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when sukuna gets a new neighbor on the third floor of his apartment complex, he’s pleasantly surprised to see who it is behind the door with the floral wreath. her two cats on the other hand, are a massive fucking problem.
w — honestly nothing? save for fluff and some cussing, slowburn-ish, implied boxer & sorta rich! Sukuna, implied polyglot(ish)! reader, cat! Satoru and cat! Suguru and both cats being in love, cozy themed again (I can’t help it), the formatting of this “fic” was how it was in my brain so I’m sorry if it’s a lil strange haha, this apparently became longer than I originally anticipated lmao, reader is mentioned to be partially Japanese but no physical appearances are ultimately described, mild angst at the end
a/n: not apart of the ‘make me (yours)’ universe but it’s definitely inspired by it
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🌸 When Sukuna wakes up on a Saturday morning and opens his front door to leave for his morning run, the last thing he expects to see is a floral wreath on the door opposite of his. That can only mean one thing: someone has moved in. But if someone has, then why hasn’t he seen or heard the furniture being moved in? These aren’t exactly the cheapest apartments, so did they just not have anything?
It was weird, to say the least.
🌸 However, three months pass before he gets to see who the person who’s behind the door across from his.
🌸 Sukuna gets back from his jog a little early, the light sprinkles of rain turning into a downpour. That’s when he sees you leaving your apartment, locking the door to leave. Unfortunately, you’re not paying too much attention to your surroundings, and you two nearly collide into one another at the top of the stairs.
You narrowly turn in time to place yourself flat against the wall to avoid the behemoth of a man that was your neighbor from running over you and sending you both down the stairs.
“I’m sorry,” came your instant apology.
“It’s fine,” follows his gruff reply.
But he knows he certainly wouldn’t mind running into you again. Just not where you two can fall down the stairs and potentially break your necks.
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On a random day not too long after your initial run-in (and near subsequent dangerous tumble down some stairs), you two run into one another to get the mail at the front office.
You pop up behind him right after he opens his mailbox, staring up at him and his very impressive height and build and apparently scare him, because when you speak next, his shoulders jump. “Gosh, you’re tall. You must’ve played basketball or something in high school, yeah?”
He would’ve either been silent or retort something in an asshole tone like he was used to. He just didn’t like people.
He would’ve, if it wasn’t his cute neighbor.
“Volleyball,” he replies quietly. “Quit after graduation.”
You frown. “That sucks. You must’ve been good at it.”
“It was a pastime.”
“Sounds fun though,” you chirp, putting your own key into your mailbox. “I tried to get into sports, but uh, lack of things made it hard to do so. Did track for awhile, until my ribs couldn’t keep up.”
Sukuna lets out a snort but says nothing further. He goes to leave, but not before hearing, “G’bye, neighbor!”
Ah, shit. He hadn’t told you his name, had he?
Hopefully, there would be a next time.
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🌸 Sukuna doesn’t see you again for another month or two after that, fate still having you two separated like an awful slowburn romance.
🌸 What he doesn’t like in particular is the fact you don’t know his name and he doesn’t know yours. He doesn’t like that; doesn’t like that he’s missed his chance to know you a little better. By his logic, he should know your name, have your phone number, and have at least had you on a date and in his bed at least once already.
🌸 Come early December, he hears your door begin to open and close a lot. It becomes annoying, very very annoying, very very quickly.
That goes on almost until Christmas time.
Until one day he manages to catch the little reasons why your door has been slamming shut so much.
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Twerp Number One wriggles in his hold as he holds them both up to eye level. She grunts and huffs at him. “Put me down!”
To which he scoffs at. “And why should I do that?”
Just as Twerp Number Two decides to speak, your door opens. This time it’s you.
“You can let them down,” you say, clearly amused. “They’ve come for cookies.”
Sukuna grunts. “So that’s why they’re always slamming the door.”
“I’m sorry. I’ve tried to get them to stop. They are six, though.” As genuine as your apology is, Sukuna can see the little twinkle of mischievousness appear at the end of your sentence in defense of the two twerps.
“Mr. Sukuna is a big grump anyway!” the oddly-orange-haired girl says. “At least that’s what my mama says.”
“Nobara, you shouldn’t be calling people names,” you scold the girl. “Put them down so they can get some cookies and head back, please. I’m sure Nobara’s mom is wondering about them. Nobara, the white box is for you to take home.”
Sukuna begrudgingly obliges. Nobara and her friend barge inside your home. The door stays open thanks to a cold breeze, allowing for the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies and cinnamon rolls to drift outside and into his nose. And damn does it smell nice.
“So, I finally know your name,” you muse.
“Ryomen Sukuna,” he says, half-correcting you, “but everyone just calls me by my first name.”
“I can see why,” you reply in a joking tone and smile. “But yeah… It fits you. I’m [Name], and pretty much the same: everyone calls me by my first name. Since my last name isn’t exactly normal, you know… Since I’m not inherently from Japan.”
Sukuna’s brows raise. “You’ve lived here before?” he asks.
“My mom is [part/full] Japanese,” you admit. And then to his surprise, you ramble on further, “I’ve popped around, uh, a few countries over the last several years of my life, Japan included. I’ve just… never stayed in one place to technically be from somewhere. I was born in the States, but… I don’t, uh, really feel like I actually am from there… Does that make any sense?”
“It does.” But he doesn’t go into his backstory in return. And thankfully, you don’t seem to mind, just about as much as you minded sharing such a part of your life to someone who’s technically nothing more than a stranger to you, not in the slightest.
Nobara pops back out with her friend, who’s just a touch older than her.
“Thank you for the cookies and cimmanom rolls, Miss [Name]!” Nobara says.
You don’t bother to correct her cute mistake. “You’re very welcome, Nobara. Now head home. Goodnight, girls.”
“Goodnight!”
You watch the girls descend, and when they’re out of sight, you listen carefully for the telltale of their first floor door closing. And when it thuds shut loud enough to wake everyone in the apartments in the block, you turn your attention back to the gigantic man that was your next door neighbor… Who’s attention was on your door, more than likely concentrating on the smell in your kitchen.
Your lips curl up and you prevent a giggle. “You want some?”
Your voice snaps him from his stupor. “What? Want what?”
“Some cookies and cimmanom rolls?” you question, cutely reiterating Nobara’s mistake.
“Uh…”
He takes too long to answer, so you decide for him. “I’ll get you some anyway.”
You go back inside, leaving him out in the cold. But you don’t take very long and come back out not even two minutes later with another white box and place it into his hands.
“Well,” you say, teeth chattering from the cold. “It’s nice finally knowing your name, neighbor. Maybe we’ll run into each other again soon… Goodnight.”
He barely gets out a “goodnight” before you close the door. Sukuna tosses his head back and settles for a heavy exhale rather than the audible sigh he knows you would’ve heard through your door.
Another fuck up. But at least he got some food out of it this time.
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🌸 You both end up meeting each other a lot more often by “coincidence” after that, like fate has finally determined you’re allowed to see one another or something. (To him that just sounds stupid, until it comes out of your mouth.)
For Christmas, you end up gifting him a tin of popcorn and another box of sweets by leaving them at a front door with a cute handwritten note.
🌸 Gradually, the two of you begin to interact more, and naturally gravitate toward each other’s energy and finally getting to know one another; he’s over at your apartment most of the time, it’s cleaner and smells at lot more nice than his (in his opinion). It’s not that he’s dirty, he’s quite clean actually. It’s just that he prefers your apartment to his.
🌸 You find out that Sukuna is about ten years older than you, and was almost a volleyball player that almost went pro, had it not been for his father’s death. He lost all motivation for the sport, and eventually settled for doing numbers for his father’s company, taking up boxing as a side hobby. To which he was more than good at.
A year ago, he moved into these apartments, getting away from the corporate world had had dived into, opting to do things from home rather than in-person. His prior neighbors never stayed around for too long, not with the amount of noise coming from his apartment in the middle of the night. You’re honestly surprised the person below him hasn’t moved out yet either.
🌸 For Sukuna, he finds out that you almost didn’t get to graduate high school because of how much you’d been moving around. You’d gotten depression from leaving so many friends behind so often that you just made graduation by the skin of your teeth.
Now, you’re online for college, majoring in linguistics, all while working as a translator for a special needs school of Japanese children that are deaf. Through that, he finds out you speak several different languages as well.
God, your personality is just as sweet as the goodies you bake, huh?
🌸 There is one problem, however, when he comes over: your goddamn cats.
🌸 The white Maine Coon is for sure out to get him and make his life miserable, with his attempts at wooing you almost a failed attempt every single time. His name is Satoru, and he’s by far the most obnoxious cat he’s ever fucking met.
Why on Earth you’d give a cat a human name is beyond him. But the again, the fucking cat acts so human it’s disturbing — it almost kind of makes sense.
🌸 Satoru’s claws almost end up in his ass every time he walks through the front door. He can’t even stand openly, but has to stay against a wall or sit on the couch so the cat doesn’t get his claws into his backside. And he can tell that that damn cat has a smug-ass smirk on his face every time. How a cat can smirk, he’s unsure; but he just knows that the look on his face is the one of a smug little shithead that knows he’s gotten away with being a menace. Thankfully, you’re aware of his tendencies and can tell when he’s being more of an asshole than other times and get onto him.
🌸 The black Maine Coon, Suguru, isn’t as terrible, but he opts to creepily stare down at Sukuna from his cat tower rather than be proactive in his distaste. He studies him every second every time he comes over, paying attention to every single detail and movement Sukuna makes with you.
He’ll do things more subtly than his white counterpart, like “accidentally” wave his long, black fluffy tail into his cup of water you gave him. He’s just as much of a menace, although you don’t get onto him as often like the white one, because while you know Satoru is more of an extroverted menace, you just seemingly can’t see that Suguru is just as awful. (Mostly because you don’t actually see it.)
🌸 This goes on for months and months, Satoru scratching the behind of his pants as hard as he can to make it rip and getting white fur all over his clothes, and Suguru glaring down at him from his tower and putting his paws in Sukuna’s food. Although it becomes a little less as often because they’re seemingly growing used to him, as if they’re seeing that he actually makes you happy and finally get the sense that he isn’t just going to break your heart and throw you away.
🌸 And the growing approval of your cats seems to mean a lot to you.
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“I picked them up off the streets,” you tell him after he asks about where you got the inseparable pair. “I found them as kittens in a cardboard box three years ago on the streets, drenched and matted in dirt and nasty water.”
You remember the day very clearly. It had just stopped raining, and just as you were about to head home, stopping at the vending machines before heading to your car, you heard animal-like cries of something small and weak. And sure enough, on the other side of the food machine, stuffed away in a tacky, ruined cardboard box, were two, rain-drenched kittens huddled together to keep warm.
That was the day you got two new cats, two new responsibilities. And although times got hard a few times, you’ve never regretted adopting them.
Sukuna gazes up at the two cats on the tower, sitting next to each other in the bed at the top. Their tails are intertwined, heads rubbing at each other’s necks lovingly. He would have never guessed that’s where you found them. From the looks of it, they he would’ve guessed they’d came from a pet store.
“So you’ve raised them since they were kittens,” Sukuna says. “They trust you with their lives. And looks like they love you unconditionally, too.”
“I’d like to think so,” you muse, sipping on your coffee. “Sometimes it doesn’t seem like it with how ornery they are.”
Sukuna keeps his eyes trained on the two cats in love. He’s slightly jealous, and no he’ll never admit it. He just hopes he can have that one day with you.
He just has to stop Satoru from ripping him a new one every time he comes through the door.
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🌸 Your cats eventually grow fond of having him over, fond enough that they’re not being the usual mischievous selves when Sukuna puts his arm around your shoulders and tugs you closer to him when you invite him over for movie nights, not trying to bite his fingers off (Satoru) or sit between you both (Suguru).
🌸 After a year passes and you and Sukuna know each other, he finally gets to take you on a proper date after manning up. Although it’s not a restaurant date, since he knows you hate being looked at while eating. It’s a picnic by the ocean, with the weather nothing short of perfect.
🌸 Your attempts to leave your cats at home for said date, however, are fruitless, the pair determined to come with you and your now-boyfriend who declares himself as such after dessert just to piss off the pair of felines. Sukuna plants a big fat smooch on your lips, turning you into a giggly mess.
🌸 They in return, somehow find a stray kitten and plop it in his lap in return. The kitten isn’t as bad off as when you found Satoru and Suguru, but he’s just as scared. He immediately imprints on your oversized boyfriend, who secretly takes an instant liking to the orange-red (honestly a little pink, too) baby cat and becomes a cat dad.
Date not necessarily ruined. But definitely not what he had planned.
🌸 After a week of having, he fondly named the cat a human name — Yuuji, and the fur baby took just as much liking to it as his owner did him. You do have to teach him the ropes and warn your boyfriend that he’d better be ready to have some of his stuff deep-cleaned if Yuuji doesn’t get to the litter box in time.
Satoru and Suguru take to the kitten like two doting parents. And as much as they still kinda dislike your boyfriend taking you from them, they still help train him to use the litter box. (Long story short, they felt bad after seeing you cry after they’d tore up [and peed] all over your third couch and quit being as ornery as they used to be.)
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A few months had passed since Sukuna got Yuuji plopped into his lap, since you two had become a couple. It was always amusing seeing your big boyfriend playing with such a small cat. Honestly, the cat looked like he was part tiger.
You feel overwhelmed with contentment. You have a good job, a wonderful boyfriend (who’s apparently secretly rich) who loves to give you kisses, and two cats who love you. You have enough now, so why was the universe trying to take that from you?
You don’t know how your ex got your number, but what you do know is that you have to tell Sukuna. No later than tomorrow.
You exhale. You can’t think about it. You’ll tell him. You’ll tell him tomorrow that your dyed blonde-haired ex wants to see you again. You’re hopefully of one thing though: that the moment your boyfriend meets your ex, you hope Sukuna has enough restraint to not beat the shit out of him.
“Baby, you okay?”
Sukuna’s brows are raised. One would miss the concern on his face if they didn’t know him as well as you do.
“Yeah… Yeah, I’m good.” Woman up, girl, you tell yourself. “I do have something to tell you later. Just… remind me before dinner.”
The concern becomes more evident on his face, which prompts you to walk to him and kiss him.
“It’s nothing serious… I don’t think. Don’t worry,” you reassure him, partially reassuring yourself. “What we should worry about is what’s for dinner,” you joke. “Don’t think I can eat those leftovers.”
“Goddamn, I’m sorry I put too much salt in it.”
You laugh, wanting this happiness to ever be trampled on. You’ll do what you can to protect and keep it.
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taglist:
@vagabond-umlaut | @poe-daydreams | @heresan @thedovahqueen | @lotus-n-l0ve | @chiyoso | @miraclecherryblossomsblog | @unbreakableblueheaven | @marscatbutler | @vanillabloo | @wo-ming-bai | @visionsofmagic | @tohsri
997 notes · View notes
supernovafics · 6 months
Text
𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐈𝐒 𝐌𝐄 𝐓𝐑𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆
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pairing: steve harrington x fem!reader
word count: 2.7k words
summary: in which a moment at a party that led to a drunken kiss and a heartfelt admission pushes you and your best friend away from each other. after nearly a week of silence, it’s still hard to find the right words to say to steve and to find the right way to mend what feels as if it has been permanently broken. until you’re drunk at a bar and he is the one to come and get you.
warnings: bestfriend!steve, explicit language, underage alcohol consumption, angst with a happy ending<33
author’s note: this was sitting in the drafts for a veryvery long time and i’ve finally decided to let it see the light of day🫶🏾 (full “folklore” album series masterlist here)
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
“i didn't know if you'd care if i came back, i have a lot of regrets about that.”
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
The bar was comforting in a weird kind of way. 
It was pretty dark and empty for the most part, which partly made sense since it was ten o’clock on a random Wednesday night. You didn’t mind the music softly playing and the stool you were sitting on actually felt comfortable, or maybe it was the alcohol making you believe that.
Somehow even with the number of drinks you’d had in the past hour, it still didn’t manage to effectively push your thoughts far away from Steve and what happened at Robin’s birthday party. 
You couldn’t not think about the kiss with him, which you had abruptly and drunkenly initiated; it was a kiss that felt simultaneously wrong and right. And his words that followed the kiss played on what felt like an endless loop in your mind too.
“I’ve wanted this, I’ve wanted us, for practically forever. Ever since that moment our mom’s forced us to meet at that county fair thing when we were ten, I think I knew it was you.” 
It was hard to think about what you did in response to that, but still the quick, “I’m sorry, I can’t,” you managed to stutter out before basically running away from him played on equal loop in your head.  
The two of you hadn’t spoken since that Saturday night, with you returning back to your college that was two hours away from Hawkins early the next morning. And you were unsure if it was you leading this dance or if both of you were equally avoiding each other because the phone calls that would happen practically daily were reduced to nothing. It had barely been a week, but it was long enough for everything in your life to feel shifted; to feel a little emptier. 
“You look like you need to talk to someone,” The bartender, a woman who you were certain couldn’t be older than thirty, said as she slid you the latest drink you’d ordered. 
“No, I’m fine. It’s just…” You trailed off with a small sigh before taking a sip from the cold glass. “I did something stupid this past weekend and I regret it, but I also think it might have been the right thing to do.” You were unsure if you were referring to the kissing Steve part or the running away from him part. “I don’t know, I just wish that entire night hadn’t happened, actually.”
You knew that it wasn’t solely your inebriation that made your words seem as if they didn’t make any sense, because everything going through your head was so damn confusing even when you were completely sober. None of it, the emotions you were feeling or the situation itself, fully made sense to you and you forced yourself to not think about any of it by solely consuming yourself with your schoolwork for the last few days. And when doing that was no longer enough to silence your thoughts, you decided to come to this bar. 
It was dumb and probably only making things worse, you knew that, but it also felt so much easier. 
“Okay,” The woman said. “Can I have a lot more context?” 
You were unsure why you had the immediate urge to tell her everything. Maybe it was the alcohol, or perhaps because it was just always so easy for anyone to pour their heart out to a stranger. 
“My friend— my best friend, we’ve known each other since we were ten— me and him were at a party. It was actually our other friend’s birthday and she just turned eighteen, so of course, we had to make it a huge thing for her, and we did it at Steve’s house; my best friend, that’s his name. Anyway, it’s about two hours into the party and we’re all pretty drunk. Me and Steve are in his backyard sitting on one of his old patio chairs, and then I don’t know why, I blame it on my drunkenness and how close we were in that moment, but I kissed him. I pulled away almost immediately, but then he said that he has wanted this, wanted us, to happen for so long, and I didn’t know what to say to any of that. So, I just mumbled out a stupid “I’m sorry,” and then left.”
You had barely taken a breath as you spoke, spitting out what happened that night in one rushed go. Finally saying all of it out loud— recounting the story in pretty much its entirety— made you feel a little better. Everything was still a complete mess, but you felt like you could breathe the tiniest bit easier. 
“Why did you leave?” 
A part of you expected her to ask that question, and at this point, you should’ve had an answer to it that felt certain, but you didn’t. 
“It just… It felt like the right thing to do, I think.” 
The thought of anything more happening with Steve hadn’t ever crossed your mind, at least not consciously, and even now you still refused to think more about it. Because it wasn't just about Steve. You didn’t want anything more with anyone; you didn’t want feelings, a relationship, any of it. 
It wasn’t that you hated love or the thought of it, it was more so that you had been burned because of it so many times that you refused to fall into it so easily again. Falling for boys that you thought actually liked you only to be proven wrong and left heartbroken. 
“I get it,” The bartender ultimately said, her voice soft. “You guys have been friends for practically forever and if you started dating and then broke up it would probably change everything between you two.” 
We would never break up. 
The thought hit you so abruptly that it actually managed to surprise you.  
The woman looked at you, confused. “Okay… So, then what’s the problem?”
“What?”
“You said that you and him would never break up, so what’s the problem?” 
You hadn’t realized you said the thought out loud, and you couldn’t even feel embarrassed about accidentally saying it because all you could think about was how completely true it was. You and Steve would work so well together, you pretty much already did. You knew the ins and outs of each other; everything little that was annoying but also so endearing. It was what you loved about him— as a friend and as more.  
But still, it was so fucking hard to admit that out loud, and you wanted to forget about the entire realization.
“I– I don’t know,” You finally answered before folding your arms against the countertop and then putting your head down. You squeezed your eyes shut, hoping that that action would be enough to will away the tears that you could now feel threatening to spill out. 
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
“and i ended up here. pouring out my heart to a stranger.”
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
“Hey, you okay?” 
The voice was soft and immediately comforting and oh so familiar. It was enough to put a smile on your face, but your head was starting to pound so you couldn’t bear to do anything but groan.  
You lifted your head and mumbled out a soft, “Steve?”
You only vaguely remembered the bartender, whose name you eventually learned was Chelsea, asking for a phone number of someone that could pick you up. And although you should’ve given her your roommate’s number, you instead gave her Steve’s. 
“I never thought I’d be the one picking you up from a bar,” Steve said as he sat down next to you. “I always thought it would be the other way around.”
“Y’know what they say about college, it changes people,” You told him with a nonchalant shrug. The two of you hadn’t talked in days, but it still felt like second nature to fall back into the joking cadence you had with him. “I’m a total badass now.”
Steve laughed a bit and looked at you amusingly. “Mhm, yeah, sure you are.”
You weren’t as drunk anymore but you were entering the early stages of a hangover that would be a bitch, and you already knew that there was no way you’d be going to your eleven o’clock Statistics class. 
“I can’t believe you drove two hours to pick me up,” You said as you settled yourself in the passenger seat of Steve’s car after you paid your pricey tab and goodbyes were said to Chelsea.  
Steve offered you a small smile. “What else are best friends for?”
You couldn’t help but look away from him as you mumbled out a soft, “I didn’t know we were still that.”
“We’ll always be that.” 
There was so much certainty in his voice that it actually managed to soothe something inside of you. Only for a second, though, because then you were back in your head again. 
The drive back to your dorm was quiet with only the soft sounds of the radio to fill the silence. It was a short ride, only about ten minutes, and the entire time you could only focus on your dull headache and what you wanted to say to Steve because you knew that you had to say something. Although you didn’t want to, that night needed to finally be talked about.
When he was parked in front of your building, you still didn’t know exactly what to say, but you decided to start with something. “Listen, about Robin’s party–” 
“It’s okay, we don’t have to talk about it. Let’s just pretend it never happened,” Steve interrupted you. He pushed a hand through his hair and then met your gaze. “It was really dumb of me to say all of that stuff, and I partially blame it on all the drinks we had— definitely way too many. We’re just friends, I know that. And your life is here now, for the most part, and mine is back in Hawkins, so yeah…” He trailed off with a small shrug. 
You suddenly felt nauseous and you knew it had nothing to do with the alcohol. He was saying everything that you fully thought you wanted to hear— what happened at the party should’ve never happened, you two were just friends— so why did it feel so wrong? 
Things became quiet and Steve was looking at you expectantly, and you were unsure how long you’d been silent for. 
“Um, yeah, exactly,” You finally said as you unbuckled your seatbelt. Before you opened the passenger door to leave his car, you reached over and pulled Steve in for a hug. “Drive safe.”
“Thanks,” He said as his arms circled around you. 
For some reason, there was a huge part of you that wanted to say “I’m sorry” in that moment, but you didn’t entirely know why, so instead you said nothing and simply got out of his car.
You headed to the entrance of your dorm building and then turned around, giving Steve a final wave before he drove away. 
It was then— as he headed down the street and after a few moments his car became completely out of your view— that you wished you’d been honest; with yourself and with him.  
Because it was in that moment of you yearning for him to turn around mixed with you sincerely wanting to go after him that essentially sealed it for you. 
Steve was different and he always would be. 
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
“and maybe i don't quite know what to say, but i'm here in your doorway.”
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
You felt slightly lucky that you only had two classes on Thursdays because when you woke up after sleeping through your Statistics class, you knew that you wouldn’t be going to your Psychology class that started at three. And the reasoning actually had nothing to do with your hangover. 
Aside from the slight headache, you woke up with your mind feeling completely clear for the first time in a long time. You knew exactly what you wanted and what you wanted to do, and before that feeling could go away, or you could convince yourself to push it away, you were in your car an hour before your class was supposed to start and driving to Hawkins. You were pretty much running off of impulse and hope.
The weather was terrible and you hated driving in the rain, but it didn’t matter to you right then because you needed to see Steve.
You had two long hours of driving in terrible rain to figure out what exactly you wanted to say to him, yet you still couldn’t form a coherent set of sentences in your head. But, similar to the rain, that didn’t stop you from ringing his doorbell. 
In hindsight, it probably would’ve been smart to bring an umbrella because it was still pouring and from the short walk from your car to his front door, your clothes managed to become effectively soaked, but it didn’t bother you. 
“Hey,” He said when he opened the door, it was easy to tell that he was surprised to see you. “Did you drive all the way here?”
You quickly nodded at his question. “Yes.”
“You hate driving in rain.” 
“Yeah, but I… I just really wanted to talk to you, and didn’t wanna do it over the phone.”
“Come inside,” Steve said, pushing the door open wider so that you could step in. 
You almost followed him but then stopped. “No, wait… I kinda just wanna say this here.” 
Steve looked at you confused, but ultimately nodded. “Okay.” He then stepped out of his house and closed the door behind him; his clothes immediately got wet. “It feels wrong that you’re the only one getting hit by the rain.” 
You laughed a bit. “Thank you. That’s very considerate.”  
Things got quiet for a second and you suddenly felt nervous, but you pushed that feeling to the side.
“I know you said that we don’t need to talk about the party and we should pretend that it never happened. And although that’s exactly what I’d been doing for the past few days, I don’t wanna do that anymore.” It actually didn’t feel too hard to let all of this out; verbalizing exactly what had been going on in your head. In a way, it felt like a relief. “I think I kissed you that night because deep down I know that it’s you too. And that it’s always been you… Which is actually so scary to think about because we’ve known each other for so long and you’re the one person in my life that has been the biggest constant. You’ve seen every part of my very horrific love life and I don’t want us to end up like any of the stupid relationships I had before, and I think that’s why I ran away that night, which I do really regret.” You pulled your eyes away from his for a second. “But, what we have is different, and I want to try. I want us to try.”
You let out a long breath. “Okay, that’s it.”  
Steve didn’t say anything for a few moments, and it was then that you realized how loud the rain was, and somehow it was actually a bit calming to hear the sounds of the heavy drops hitting the ground. 
You searched his eyes to see if you could decipher what he was thinking, but before you could get a clear read on anything, he was closing the small bit of distance between you both and reaching up to cup your face in his hands before leaning in to kiss you. 
The abruptness of the action slightly startled you, but you were completely okay with this nonverbal response to you pouring your heart out. You were kissing him back almost immediately and suddenly the sound of the rain was gone and instead all you could hear was your heartbeat pounding in your ears.
The kiss felt perfectly new but also so insanely familiar; even though this was the first time this was happening sober. And so many things were running through your mind, but it was also effectively blank and you knew you wouldn’t be able to form a coherent sentence even if you tried. 
Most of all, though, everything happening right then— the way your hands fisted themselves in his rain soaked t-shirt to pull him impossibly closer to you, and how his thumb stroked your cheek so tenderly— it all felt so certain and sure and right; there wasn’t an ounce of doubt lingering in the air around you both or lacing its way within the kiss. 
When you pulled away to catch your breath and smiled up at him, a smile that Steve immediately matched with an elated grin of his own, it slightly killed you that all of this hadn't happened sooner.
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
“i just wanted you to know that this is me trying.”
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
let me know ur thoughts<333
827 notes · View notes
anadiasmount · 3 months
Text
love struck - jude blurb.
request: yes! mix of my imagination and also @judesecret as well! 🤍
“you’re shivering, baby,” jude laughs, wrapping the towel around your body and rubbing his hands in your shoulders to warm you up. he pulls you into his chest, feeling great warmth. and beat from his embrace as you close your eyes and relish the feeling. you ignore the small nickname, still not used to the fresh relationship with jude.
“i-i-i know. i didn’t-t-t see the r-rain coming,” you say giggling, wiping your nose with the towel as you felt a water drop run along the skin. “you’re crazy, you know? walking in this storm just to show me the new minion movie trailer?” jude teases, resting his head on yours as you finally stop shivering from cold.
“despicable me four, actually,” you correct him, hiding in the crook of his neck embarrassed. “and, to see you before i travel to germany for a work trip,” you say shyly, leaning back to stare at his brown iris who shined even in the dark corner by the entrance.
“gonna miss me that much?” jude asks, kissing your nose, making you nod slowly and intimidated at the proximity of both of you. “gonna miss you too. wish you could stay here with me since our next game is here at home…” jude replies.
he could sense the nervousness, chuckling deeply before pulling away. “how about we have a movie marathon, tonight? i’m off tomorrow and i wanna spend the night here with my girl,” he says walking to the kitchen to retrieve something. you furrow your brows in confusing or maybe coming to the fact on what he said.
“you mean like spend the night over? like a sleepover?” you say walking to the kitchen, wrapping the towel tighter against you.
“only if you’re comfortable with it. i don’t want to rush you or make you feel uncomfortable,” jude says, knowing you. he knows how new the relationship is, and the last thing he wanted was to scare you away because of how shy and reserved you were. “if you start snoring i’m out though,” you joke agreeing to his suggestion, earning cheering of yes from jude.
“cmon let’s get you showered and changed.”
jude handed you some of his clothes as you took a hot and steamy shower. you let your mind wander to tonight and how it would play out. it would be the first time you spent the night at his. when you came over it was for the evening and to hangout but staying over was always out of the picture.
you could barely look him in the eye without feeling your head spin or get shy under his gaze. you’d drown yourself with his smile and big brown eyes. if he asked you to do anything, you would do it with no hesitation. he had a spell or daze that always drew you in no matter what.
jude would always be the one to initiate hand holding, hugs, even kisses. you appreciated him so much for that feeling nervous or overall giddy because you couldn’t believe he was actually yours. if he sensed you were nervous he would kiss your hands to distract you from whatever you thought.
out in public, jude gave you a small peck on the lips to reassure you he was here for you, not once leaving your side, letting you have the say when you wanted to call it a night. he kept you at your side, protecting you from anyone who wanted to be quick and jump at you. “you’re like my bodyguard,” you often joked earning a laugh from him.
you don’t know what changed, one minute you guys laughed and spoke quietly as you made a fresh cup of chocolate, eyes gleaming in happiness as you got to spend the night with him. feeling better then cuddled up quietly as you watched the movies, to now where you sat on the edge of the bed bitting your nails anxiously.
jude had finished taking a shower and brushing his teeth. he walked in and saw you sitting on his bed, shaking his head in amusement as you looked down not being able to meet his eye when he returned shirtless, abs in full show. jude caged you in on the bed, arms locking you in side to side as your eyes connected.
“what are you think about?” jude whispers making you clear your throat and smile. “how lucky i am to have a boyfriend who takes care of me,” you say hiding the anticipation and urge to kiss him first. jude smiles looking down after couple seconds of silence.
your hands cup his face, just above his jaw making jude look back up rapidly, seeing your flushed face and bottom lip bit. “baby what are-”
you cut him off with a rushed and urged kiss. closing your eyes sinking into his taste as your lips molded with his. it took jude a while to process what was going on, not believing you had finally initiated and kissed him first. he could feel your hands slowly fall onto the nape of his neck. jude’s stomach filled with butterflies, the chilling sensation running down his spine as he tasted your sweet taste.
jude kisses your further, making you let out a small whine and kiss him deeper, clashing teeth as you moved your head slightly. you felt the fire run along your veins, getting dizzy from how jude was kissing you, jude the same. he got nervous all of the sudden due to the fact you weren’t being all hidden away, letting you be in charge.
the two of you let out breaths, the room filling with the sound of your kissing and noises you made. jude got lost, lost in how you tasted, how you kissed him with urgency yet love, lost in how much he loved this new side of you. he wanted it all, more with you.
jude pulled away, out of breath and panting, lips red and plump from the kiss. you giggled resting your foreheads together processing what had just happened. you finally did it, what you wanted to do for a while. “you kissed me first,” jude said licking his lips making you squirm.
your hands traced his cheeks, feeling a sense of confidence inside you. “i know… been wanting to do it for a while,” you confess watching jude’s eyes go crazy in bewilderment and lust. he couldn’t believe it, his shy girl wasn’t so shy, and he was sure he fell even more in love with you. jude smirked kissing the inner part of your wrist before speaking up again.
“wanna show me again? i think i forgot how it felt…”
488 notes · View notes
bitterie-sweetie · 3 months
Text
Fake it til you make it
Pairing: Jeonghan x reader Genre: fluff, fake dating WC: 6.5k Warnings: alcohol A/N: yes it's about vday buuut it's actually for @syuperseventeen's bdayyy!!! surprise surprise! happy birthday nat, i hope this year is even better and filled with many things to look forward to <3
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Your Valentine’s date with Jeonghan is coming up and yet the only thing on your mind is how to break up with him. Of course breaking up with someone is difficult, but you’d argue that what’s more difficult is breaking up with someone you never even dated.
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Jeonghan is a prankster. 
Growing up, you’d often be on the receiving end of his pranks at school. Third grade “initiation” had you drenched in water after he told you to pin a cup against the wall with a straw, and in ninth grade you had tears streaming down your face after eating an entire scoop of wasabi—not the matcha ice cream he said it was. Then there was the time he did something to make your first crush hate you, which, in hindsight, was a good thing because the guy turned out to be a total asshole. 
It wasn’t Jeonghan’s fault entirely when you were too willing to fall for his pranks because being the target of a prank meant having his attention, and that’s something that you wanted. Jeonghan had a way of making everyone feel special, and his attention was a limelight that you never wanted to step out of. 
Honestly, you might’ve kept up with it if he kept going. But then that fateful day came and it was like you were suddenly on his side, working with him instead of being the victim to his antics, and you’d say that that’s what has kept the two of you together after all these years. 
Well, at least until now.
“Hey,” you greet in a rush, looking around the table at everyone and seeing that you’re truly the last one to arrive. Usually, you’d give that place to Lee Chan; he’s the most popular of your friend group and almost always has a prior appointment to your meetups. “Sorry I’m late. My train was delayed and—oh, did you already order for me?” 
Jeonghan slides a sealed bubble tea across the table and sets it in front of your seat—the one empty chair right beside him, no less. When you glance at him questioningly he shrugs and tilts his head towards the crowd at the front. “The line was too long so I ordered yours with mine. Hope you’re feeling like your usual today.” 
Indeed, the sticker on the cup shows that it’s your go-to order. “Aw, that’s so sweet of you. Thanks, babe.” 
Today’s meet up with your friend group is the first of the year and it’s also the first time you’re seeing everyone since Chan’s wedding… including Jeonghan. You would’ve spent Christmas and New Year’s with him had he not cancelled on you, and now that bit of distance has manifested into a larger uncertainty for you over the past while. Even now, the ‘babe’ seemed to come out awkwardly, sticking to your throat.
“Wow, you guys are actually disgusting. I hope you know that.” Seungkwan makes a face at you, and beside him, Soonyoung nods a few times in agreement. 
You plaster on a smile. “It’s okay to just say you’re jealous.” 
The only response you get is an eye-roll from Soonyoung, and then everyone moves on, thankfully. Mingyu asks you what you’ve been up to so you talk about your recent promotion at work and some new habits you’ve started in the new year, and when you sense that the conversation is starting to approach the territory of your future with Jeonghan, you gently steer it towards Chan. After all, he’s the one that got married just a few months ago, and you know he would never miss the chance to talk about his amazing honeymoon and how great this new chapter of his life is going.
There is truly nothing like adult friendships and its quarterly updates. 
Once there’s a bit of a lull in the conversation, Jeonghan turns to you. “What are you doing this week?” 
“Oh, this week?” Your heart speeds up tenfold at the uncertainty of what might come next. “Hmm well, it’s Valentine’s Day.” 
“Yeah, exactly.” He nods and much to your relief, there’s a hint of a smile at the corner of his lips. “So I’ll see you for our date then?” 
“Of course, babe.” 
“Can’t you guys do this somewhere else?” Soonyoung says as he stares daggers in your direction. You totally understand and sympathize with that though; today you’re turning up the sweetness more than usual to compensate for the distance you actually feel, unfortunately at the expense of your friends.
Jeonghan completely ignores Soonyoung’s complaint and doesn’t even look his way. “That’s good,” he says, leaning back in his seat and almost looking relieved at your answer. “I was afraid my darling might not have time for me anymore.”
“What? No way. Did you have anything in mind for our date?” 
“Hmm, yes but it’s a surprise. I’ll text you the details later.” 
“Well, uh, I have to run,” Chan says, slowly getting up from his seat. The rest of you hardly bat an eye, having gotten too used to his busy schedule. “It was nice seeing everyone. You guys should come over for my housewarming once everything is set up.” 
Mingyu stands up too. “Oh, I actually have to go too; got a dinner with Wonwoo later.” 
…On second thought, perhaps you overcompensated a bit too much with the cringe. Soonyoung and Seungkwan leave soon after getting a call from their roommate, Seokmin, and then it’s just you and Jeonghan at the table. Still seated side by side, your arm occasionally brushing against his. 
“How have you really been?” he asks in a low voice. 
“Decent, I guess, despite the winter blues and all. It’s pretty much what I said earlier.” You shrug when he remains silent. “Why do you ask? Do I look depressed or something?”   
“No,” he shakes his head with a laugh, “not depressed, exactly, but I wanted to see if you’re as sad as I am about not seeing each other in so long.” Then he leans in a bit closer, as if to whisper a secret. “I missed you, darling.”
It’s times like this when you feel like he’s toeing the line. There’s a small smile lingering on his lips and a softer look in his eyes, not at all like the overdone sweetness to the point of sarcasm from before, but you can never tell if he really means what he says or if this is just part of the act. 
Regardless, it makes your face feel hot and it makes you unable to look directly at him. 
“Oh… yeah,” you say, trying to make a quick recovery. “It’s too bad we missed out on the holidays but at least we get Valentine’s Day.” 
“Yup, that’s exactly why I have something special in mind for that day. I want to make it up to you, darling.” 
You give him a smile and then go to take a sip of your drink, and that’s pretty much the end of the conversation. Despite saying he misses you, it’s interesting how he doesn’t explain why he bailed on the holidays in the first place, and you don’t know whether you should ask about it at this point.
Or if you should even be curious about such a thing. 
Jeonghan pulls you out of your thoughts with a brush of his hand on yours. “It’s getting dark. Let’s head out?” 
You agree and then let him hold your hand, lace his fingers with yours, and then lead you out of the shop. He doesn’t let go until you cross the parking lot and get to his car. It’s strange, you think. You can’t seem to recall the last time the two of you held hands so naturally like this especially when there’s no one else around. 
In fact, when the two of you are alone, the sickening sweetness is always toned down but not completely dropped. Now, Jeonghan’s smiles are softer around the edges like they’re less exaggerated, less of a performance, and when he calls you darling, his voice is quieter and isn’t at all coated in the sticky honey you’re used to. When he hugs you goodbye at your door, it’s a loose hug and almost has a degree of uncertainty. 
Jeonghan steps back but lingers just for a second. “I’ll see you in a few days for our date, darling.”
“Of course,” you put on a smile, “I can’t wait, babe.” 
He waits until you get into your building before giving a little wave and then heading on his way. 
After you close the door behind you and collapse onto your bed, you heave a sigh and finally let the smile slip from your lips. So there would be a Valentine’s date this year after all; the anticipation makes your heart speed up the slightest but at the same time makes you all the more anxious. You thought that he really would end things today, and if not, that you should be the one to do so. But seeing him after so long, feeling the way the warmth of his touch lingers on your skin, basking in the brightness of his smiles, you simply couldn’t utter those words. 
Perhaps Valentine’s Day wouldn’t be the right time to do it either, or maybe your date won’t end up happening for whatever reason. You know that this is something you have to do, but the question is how exactly would you go about doing it? Because there is one major problem. 
You’re not dating Jeonghan at all. 
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One moment in high school is what started this whole thing.
It was eleventh grade drama class—which Jeonghan thought would be fun to take as an elective—that resulted in the two of you being cast in the school play. Although neither of you landed a role that was remotely close to important, Jeonghan decided to have fun with it and improvise during your one minute of screen time and that somehow turned your insignificant cameos into a beautiful romance that had the audience rooting for you. 
And that very moment somehow managed to embed itself so deeply in your relationship with Jeonghan that it became a long running joke to this day. 
Today you’re sitting across from Soonyoung and Seungkwan again, with Mingyu beside you this time. Almost an exact replica of last week’s meetup, but Chan already has plans and Jeonghan is very obviously missing—something Soonyoung points out immediately.
“Wow, no Jeonghan today?” he says loudly even before the hostess is out of earshot. The people at the two tables nearby glance in your direction and you start to regret coming here at all. “We really won this one. Y/N, we should do this more often.” 
You definitely should not. “Um, yeah. Totally.” 
Last week’s meeting with your friends is what gave you the idea to consult with them about your situation. You first suggested the idea to Mingyu, and then used the prospect of free food to get Soonyoung and Seungkwan to come out, and naturally, Chan is busy so it ends up being the four of you at brunch. Which is better on your wallet, you think. You get the feeling that this quarterly meetup can totally happen more often if you were to make this offer every time. 
As for what you’re about to ask… well, truthfully, you still don’t know if you should even do it. You’ve gone so many years without saying a word that it’d simply be odd to ask now, plus you would run the risk of making everything weird. But if you don’t do it, you would only end up making it weird anyway because how much longer can you go on pretending?
Besides, it’s not only you and Jeonghan who are prolonging this inside joke for way longer than it should’ve lasted. All of your friends should be in on it if they treat the two of you like a couple too. 
The waiter comes by to take your orders, and you try not to wince at the entire list that comes out of Soonyoung and Seungkwan’s mouths. Mingyu gets the least, seemingly knowing that something is up if the worried glances he throws your way is anything to go by. 
Once the waiter leaves, that’s when the small talk stops and all eyes turn to you.
“So what did you want to talk about?” Soonyoung asks with a goofy grin. “Since Jeonghan’s not here, does that mean you need help with Valentine’s Day plans or something?” 
Beside him, Seungkwan has the complete opposite expression as he eyes you warily between sips of his americano.
You take a huge swig of water like it’s liquid courage, and then go for it. “This is going to sound weird…” you start, trying not to notice the way Seungkwan tenses up as if bracing for your words, “but I wanted to ask you guys what my relationship with Jeonghan is.” 
Silence. Complete, dead silence. 
Soonyoung freezes like he’s in a photograph while Seungkwan’s hand holding his americano hangs in mid air as a drop of the drink dribbles down the side of his lip. 
“Sorry, what?” It’s Soonyoung who recovers first. “I think I heard that wrong.” 
You shake your head. “Just tell me.” 
“You’re asking us what your relationship with your own boyfriend is?” 
“Boyfriend—exactly!” You have to hold back all the thoughts you have on the topic. “Yeah, that’s what I mean. So you think he’s my boyfriend? That we’re dating?” 
Soonyoung frowns but it’s Seungkwan who answers, exasperated. “Y/N, what are you trying to say here? Are you trying to say you guys broke up? Or do you think we don’t know you well enough and this is a test? Can you say whatever it is directly—” 
“Jeonghan and I aren’t together.”
There, you said it. Your biggest secret is out.
It should make you relieved to finally let out the secret you’ve been harbouring for years or it should at least alleviate some of the weight on your chest, but it doesn’t. The silence in the wake of your confession only closes in on you and makes it all the more suffocating.
“Any—anymore?”
“No. We were never together.”
The bit of silence from earlier repeats itself. Maybe you should become a speaker or presenter with your ability to draw such reactions from a crowd.
Seungkwan noisily sets down his drink and then leans forward with a frown. He’s still in denial, that much is obvious, and he narrows his eyes as he asks, “Is this a joke? A hidden camera? Are you trying to prank us like Jeonghan—”
“No, I’m completely serious. It’s really not what it seems, and this is why I’m asking you guys what you see us as because at this point I don’t even know the answer myself.” 
With a deep breath, you tell them the truth about this entire thing.
You tell them about the high school play and your impromptu acting, and how that led for the two of you to become the famous couple at school afterwards. Sure, it might’ve been a good thing because that meant your acting was believable. But to two people who were interested in just about anything except love at that age, it was annoying and gross. 
After the show when the shippers wouldn’t stop, the two of you decided to do what you do best—pull a prank. You spent that Valentine’s Day together as a joke and acted extra disgusting to mock couples while making fun of how stupid people were to believe whatever you showed them. In twelfth grade, the two of you did the same for Valentine’s Day and then even went to prom together as a joke. 
In recent years, however, the annual joke of a Valentine’s Day date has turned into his Christmas and your Lunar New Year, his cousin’s graduation, your coworker’s housewarming, and Lee Chan’s wedding. It’s made you on a texting basis with his sister and it’s made him familiar with all your favourite food spots and go-to orders. It’s turned him into someone who’s simultaneously as distant as an acquaintance yet closer than a best friend. 
And so, here you are, living an entire lie because you and Jeonghan had the whole world fooled.
“That’s insane,” Soonyoung says when you finally finish the story, unable to look your way and instead, stares into his drink with how mind blown he is.
Seungkwan, on the other hand, remains a bit skeptical. “Okay, but then what was with all that PDA?All the kissing? Is this some sort of situationship?” 
“Oh, um.” Immediately you can feel your cheeks heating up. You didn’t think this far at all but now it seems like the entire truth will have to come out. “All of it was fake. We’ve… never actually kissed.” 
That drama class has taught you more than you needed to know about manipulating angles and the audience’s perception, and Jeonghan is very good at it. Your fake kisses were often just a trick of the angle or occasionally using the thumb trick, and having seen the evidence captured in photos over the years, you know how convincing it can look.
Now, it’s embarrassing to admit for reasons you never would’ve imagined. Admitting to pulling a childish prank like this is one thing, but the realization that you and Jeonghan have faked it for so long without ever once making it real has you feeling almost dejected.
“I always knew Jeonghan was crazy but I didn’t know he’d be *this* crazy.” Soonyoung now has his head in his hands and is staring off into space. “This is the most insane story I’ve ever heard. I’m not sure if I should be happy for you or sad.” 
You give a wry smile. “Yeah, well, I get why you would think we were together though. You met us in college and wouldn’t have known about what happened in the past so I guess there would never be a reason to question it.” 
Beside you, Mingyu clears his throat and you turn to look at him. He’s been so quiet throughout your story that you were too busy focusing on the reactions of the other two, but looking at him now, his reaction is entirely different. Mingyu isn’t as surprised as he is concerned. “Actually, Y/N, a few years ago…” he says hesitantly, “there was a time when I asked him if you were actually dating.” 
“You did? What did he say?”
“He didn’t deny it.”
“Well, we all know how he loves to be ambiguous and leave things a mystery.”
Mingyu shakes his head. “No—see, that’s what I thought too, but it was different that time. At first he didn’t deny it, but when I pushed a bit more, he said that you’re dating. In actual words and with the most serious look I’ve ever seen on his face.” 
This is news to you. You always assumed that they were all in on the joke and would’ve never guessed that anyone actually asked Jeonghan, but the fact that he answered that way is all the more baffling. 
“I don’t get it. Why would he tell you that?” 
“Yeah, so,” Soonyoung says, “from then on we all thought that was fully confirmed, and he never said or implied otherwise.” 
“Right…”
Mingyu nudges you gently. “Y/N, are you telling us about this now because you’re planning on stopping the act? Has it been bothering you? Or did something happen?” 
“Is that why you wanted to tell us today?” Soonyoung lets out a dramatic gasp and leans all the back in his chair, hands over his mouth. “Don’t tell me—are you going to stop the act because you have a crush on someone?”
“What? No, definitely not. It’s not that, it’s—” 
Here’s the next part of your big secret being revealed, something you weren’t entirely ready for but you tell yourself that this needs to happen. 
It’s because of your feelings for Jeonghan. Your very real, very genuine feelings that have nothing to do with this prank.
Truthfully, you can’t pinpoint when you started feeling this way, much like you’re not sure how this joke was able to stick around for so long. It could be the most recent development—when your friend tried to convince you to hop on a dating app, all you could think about was how wrong it felt because you already had Jeonghan. Or maybe it was the Valentine’s Day just before college graduation when he leaned in so closely you thought he was going to kiss you, for real this time, and then only realizing much later that you were disappointed that it wasn’t real. 
Or perhaps it started way back, to the time he asked you to prom—he said he didn’t have a date only for you to later find out he’d already rejected two promposals from other people. All for your fake relationship, supposedly.
And now, for you, what has started as a harmless prank has turned into something much more than that over the years. 
Everyone looks like they're at a loss for words after that part, and even Soonyoung has lost his enthusiasm after hearing it. “Shit, that’s…” he starts. “Okay, yeah, I’m definitely sad for you.” 
Seungkwan and Mingyu have similar sentiments but you wave them off, eager to lighten the mood again after such heavy topics. The food on the table has been long finished and you’re beginning to feel like you’re overstaying your welcome when there’s a crowd waiting at the front of the restaurant. “It’s fine, it’s whatever. I just wanted to get this off my chest today so that I can figure things out before I see him in a few days.” 
A while later, you finish paying and then all head out together. 
The conversation continues to replay itself in your head, and you realize there is one thing you’re curious about. You turn to Mingyu. “By the way—Mingyu, why *did* you ask Jeonghan if we were actually dating?”
Mingyu stops mid-stride and freezes like a deer in headlights, clearly not expecting your question at all. “I—um, I was asking for a friend.” 
“A friend?”
“Yeah, Chan.” He nods a few times in a row. “I thought Chan had a crush on you and I was trying to help him out.”
Strange, seeing as you’ve probably interacted with Chan the least among your friend group. He’s simply too booked and busy to hang out with you, and has been all throughout your college years together. 
Oh, and he’s married.
“Like, before he met his wife?” you ask.
Soonyoung starts to cough furiously from where he is a few steps ahead while Mingyu’s cheeks redden the slightest bit. 
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You vaguely remember the first time the two of you did this, and how it wasn’t anything like how it’s going now. 
Tonight is the night you’re supposed to go on your date with Jeonghan, and you’ve been buzzing with nerves since the night before. You have no idea what to expect for tonight since all he told you about it was to show up at his apartment, and that in itself was slightly concerning as you’ve never been to his home before nor has he been so secretive about any plans. Usually the two of you would be going to a casual place or would have the schedule shared ahead of time if it was a more formal event that needed preparation. 
Jeonghan buzzes you in when you arrive and before you can say you’ll wait for him in the lobby, he tells you to go up to his unit. Again, a bit strange. You do as he asks though, and then even go to knock on the door when there’s no sign of him coming out.
When he opens the door and steps aside, that’s when everything clicks—you’re not here so that he can get his car and take you to your date location. This *is* the date location.
Beyond the doorway, you can see that his apartment is completely decorated. Rose petals line the sides of the hall and lead to the dining table, covered in a deep red tablecloth and perfectly set for your meal. Beside it, a large bouquet of roses rests at the center of the sideboard surrounded by a row of flickering candles which light up the space.
Even without knowing what his home normally looks like, it’s obvious that all this would’ve taken a lot of effort to set up.
“Jeonghan, why did you prepare all this?”
He gives you a dazzling smile. “Because my darling deserves the best, of course. I told you I was going to make it up to you for cancelling Christmas.” 
“Babe, that’s too sweet of you. You really didn’t have to.” You try to return his smile but it doesn’t come easy when this whole situation is overwhelming. Then you let him take your coat and then guide you to the dining table where everything is set up. 
Only when you’re seated do you realize that his response doesn’t answer your question at all. 
The scent of the roses fill the room and looking at them gives you a pang in your heart. This is what the two of you used to make fun of—these big, romantic gestures, and the couples that willingly eat them up. Now it’s as if the tables have turned and you don’t know what to think. 
If this were in public, in front of your friends or other people, you would’ve said that it was another funny gesture that Jeonghan put up for the sake of making them cringe. Because the two of you were the perfect joking, prankster couple, right? 
Now that it’s just you and him here, it confuses you as to why he’s going to such lengths for a joke when it’s something that no one else would see, when there’s no audience to watch his performance. 
You watch as Jeonghan busies himself in the kitchen, serving the food that he’s prepared and pouring the wine into glasses while glancing your way every once in a while. He looks pleased, you note, and he should be if he got his space to look this beautiful. But you can sense that there’s something else too, almost like a nervousness that sits on his shoulder every time he breezes past you and makes eye contact for the briefest second.
After everything is ready, he finally takes a seat across from you and the dinner begins.
Making small talk is easy at first; you comment on your surprise at this type of date, talk about how cold it’s been lately and how it sucks that your company is forcing you to go back into the office. You ask him how his holiday went and how his family has been, and mention how cute his sister’s new puppy is after seeing a post about it on her social media. 
You know you’re just delaying the inevitable. Somehow you get the feeling he knows it too, judging by the way his answers are shorter than usual and how your conversation feels so superficial. So this time after there’s a lull in the conversation, you decide to go for it.
"Jeonghan, um…"
"Hmm?" He looks at you and waits for you to continue, but you don't. Or rather, you can't. "Ah, you're going to comment on how good this is, right?" he says instead, as if supplying you with a way out.
You're all too eager to grab onto it. "Wow, you read my mind." An enthusiastic nod, a slight look of surprise. "It's amazing. Did you make all this yourself?"
Jeonghan shakes his head and then follows up with a sheepish smile. "Partly. The rest is store bought."
Another nod, and then it just ends there again. Seated in this spot with the soft lighting of flickering candles cast against the wall and the heat of Jeonghan's gaze on you, the feeling of discomfort only grows. It's hard to remember what the two of you were like before, during the days when everything seemed so silly–when each move was a clearly defined act between two actors and the world was your stage. And most importantly, when each smile he showed you didn't send your stomach into somersaults or your mind into a loop of second guessing. 
The air is so heavy and stifling that you grab your glass and down a large gulp of the wine. At least when you're drinking, you wouldn’t have to speak, whether that might be responding to him in a way that gives away all of your thoughts, or completely spilling them out yourself. Maybe the alcohol will also drown out some of your anxieties and–
"Hey, slow down." Jeonghan glances at you with worry. "We have all night."
You set the glass down, albeit a bit reluctantly. "Right, sorry. This wine is just so good."
Yet another lie, but what's one more at this point? The wine is much too sour and leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. You would've much preferred a soda or bubble tea, and drinking something fancy like this during such a fancy occasion makes you feel like you're pretending to be someone you're not.
Which is exactly what you're doing, isn't it? You've been living a lie this entire time.
You briefly wonder if Jeonghan feels the same way—the two of you have never properly spent time alone in complete privacy, and to have your first time be in such a formal atmosphere must feel strange. But if he's uncomfortable, he makes no sign of showing it. Or maybe he's always been the better actor of the two of you.
“You know, since you mentioned seasonal depression, I was thinking that for Christmas this year we should go somewhere. Somewhere warm and sunny to get away from the cold.”
“Oh, this year?” you repeat stupidly when you can’t quite believe what you’re hearing. Jeonghan wants to continue this thing? And here you were, thinking that he was about to end it at any moment for the past few months. “Um, yeah. That would be nice.” 
“Or it could be a fall trip. Your parents have been wanting to go see the leaves change colour, right?” 
There’s no hint of sarcasm on his face and no playful twinkle in his eye, and even though no one can read him very well, you know enough to tell that he’s being serious. You also know that what he’s saying makes no sense at all.
“Right, yeah. They’ve been wanting to do that.” 
“Y/N, are you okay?”
“Yeah,” you reply automatically, and then reach for another long gulp of your drink. “Yup, all good.”
Jeonghan frowns, a tiny crease appearing between his brows. “Are you sure? If you want to talk about it, I’m here to listen.” 
It’s strange, the way he looks at you. Jeonghan, who dances around questions and deflects easily with humour and only shows people what he wants them to see, now has worry filling his eyes as he waits for you to continue. As if he *knows*.
You doubt Soonyoung and Seungkwan would have spilled your secret so easily, but there’s a great possibility that the two of them would be unable to act normal around him after what they learned, and unintentionally hint at the truth. Then there’s the other possibility that Jeonghan knew way before any of this. Because maybe he—
No, you don’t want to think about that.
“It’s just that,” you say, having to force yourself to pause and slow down your thoughts before something terrible comes spewing out. A slow inhale, a shaky exhale. “Why are we here, Jeonghan?”
His frown deepens, but now it’s turned into confusion. “What do you mean?”
“What are we doing? This date has been nice, but I’m just very confused over why you put so much effort into this when there’s no one else around to see it. Weren’t we doing all of this as a joke? As a prank? Pretending to be a couple so that we can fool the world since that’s exactly what they wanted to see, but joke’s on them because we’re not?” 
Jeonghan watches you silently with an unreadable look on his face. “Is that how you feel?”
“’Well, yes, because isn’t that the truth? And now, we’ve been doing so much together that it doesn’t feel like a joke anymore. How can it be when your mom is offering to give me homemade side dishes? Or—or when Chan’s wife was there, smiling at us on her wedding day like she wished we’d be just as happy as they are?” You pause to look at him and then proceed to look away. “How long are we going to continue lying to the world? Because I can’t stand the guilt.”
The last part of that may be true, but it’s not the full truth. 
“Yeah, you’re right. We don’t have to keep doing this.”
“W—what?” You stare at him, dumbfounded. 
Jeonghan sighs deeply and then meets your eyes, but then quickly looks away. “Yeah, we should’ve left this in high school. The joke has kind of gotten old, hasn’t it?” 
You have no idea what he means by any of that, but it feels like you’re better off not knowing. The tension in the air is thick, and even when you imagined your fake breakup hundreds of times in your head, this is not something you could have predicted. It’s as you’re on a precipice, and one wrong move will delete all those years, all that time you spent with him. 
And the worst part is that you don’t even want to break up.
“Jeonghan, look. I know all of this is supposed to be a joke, but why is it that it feels like you really do care?” One last deep breath before you make the jump. “And why is it that I *want* you to care?” 
That has him stunned for a second, so much that the expression is obvious on his face in a way that almost never happens. 
“Wait, what? I do care. No, I get that we started all this for fun back then, but that’s not how I feel about it now. Everything we’ve done is real—trust me, I wouldn’t have brought you to my family if that wasn’t the case. And I never thought I was lying to them. It’s exaggerated, yes, and much too dramatic, but I’m not a good enough actor where all that can be based on a complete lie.” 
You braced yourself for the final blow, only to be completely confused over his words. “What are you saying?” 
“Y/N, it’s always been real to me. All of it.” 
“But—but I thought you wanted to stop all this when you cancelled our plans for Christmas. Why did you do that?”
Jeonghan opens his mouth a little but then closes it again. “Do you remember last year at Chan’s wedding when you caught the bouquet?” 
You nod but don’t hide your confusion about where this is going.
“After you caught it, everyone was looking at you… and then at me. It was like they all expected us to be next, because well,” he shrugs, “everyone thought we were together. And that’s when I realized that this is more than simply feeling like it’s real. We were turning it into something real.”
“So you called off Christmas because you wanted to stop doing this? Because you hated how it was becoming real?” 
“No,” Jeonghan shakes his head. “The opposite. I was afraid of how much I liked that it felt real. That day at the wedding, I—I wanted to kiss you for real, Y/N. Not have to fake it.” 
“Oh…”
“If we did meet up for Christmas, I don’t know what might’ve happened. I thought it was safer to stay away for a bit and gather my thoughts.” He hesitates slightly and you can see the pained smile he has on. “But one day into the holidays and I was already regretting my decision.” 
You don’t know what to say to that. Your mind is hardly listening anymore when it keeps on repeating Jeonghan’s words like a broken record, screaming to you that it’s real, that all of it is real. That you’re not the only one who’s been feeling this way, and that you won’t need to stage a fake breakup for your fake relationship. 
“Are you okay?” he asks, breaking you out of your thoughts.
“I’m just—are you sure all this is real? Jeonghan, are you being serious?”
He breaks into a tender smile. “Don’t you remember? I already answered you back then, Y/N.”
“What do you mean?” 
“You asked me if I’d be your darling, even if thousands of miles may separate us, even if—” 
“—if the paths we walk may crumble,” you finish off. “Or something like that. I actually have no idea what we said back then.”
Those were the lines in the play that you did back in high school, the very lines that the two of you conjured out of thin air one day and the very moment that started this whole thing. 
“Yeah, that,” he says softly.
“Hmm, so, babe,” you put on your usual mockingly sweet tone, repeating the line that you said on stage many years ago, “are you going to kiss me?” 
Jeonghan holds back a smile like he can’t contain his happiness, and follows with his line without missing a beat. “If that’s what my darling wants.”
The smile only widens when he gets up from his seat and you go to meet him halfway, and it’s the last thing you see when he leans in closer and closer. Jeonghan gently slides his thumb between his lips and yours as he closes the distance, like how it was done the very first time, but this time you can feel it as he slowly moves it away. 
Then you’re kissing him, actually kissing him for real for the first time. His lips are soft and warm, and the bit of hesitance between you seems to completely melt away as you wrap your arms around him and he pulls you closer. You let yourself drown in his scent, the warmth of his touch, and the loud pounding of your heart now that you no longer have to be paying attention to the reactions of the people around you. Nothing else matters anymore, all that matters is what you have now.
You spend the rest of the night catching up, whether that’d be stories over the years of shared memories, or creating new memories to make up for the lost time. He tells you he loves you and that the trip suggestions were very much real, and the two of you laugh over how you’ve become the exact couple you once mocked. It’s easy to understand them now though, you think as Jeonghan gives you a sleepy smile as you’re cuddled up on the couch.
“Oh yeah, I wanted to ask something,” you say, and he looks at you in alarm at your abruptness. “Why did you tell Mingyu that we were together?”
Jeonghan stays silent for a bit, narrowing his eyes as if having difficulty recalling what you���re talking about. Then he finally answers. “Oh that?” He chuckles. “That was because I didn’t want him to think he had a chance with you.”
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yawnderu · 4 months
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ramp up the angst by reader suddenly agreeing that ‘yes, it is the last time’ coz she’s tired of all the sneaking, feeling empty after dbf!simon leaves, and wanting to feel loved and to love freely in return.
let’s force simon to make the move and to choose between love and friendship. 😈
ANON. UR MIND.
Loving Simon is tiring. You can give and give, and he'll do is take, never giving back even when you're empty. Kept a secret, he only dares to show you affection when he wants something out of you. Cuddles come with groping, and while sex is nice... it's difficult not to want more when you've been in love with him for years.
He was right, it was the last time. The last time until he learns how to grow a pair and decide what's best for both of you. Any cuddles he wants to give you finish as soon as he starts to grope you, pushing him away and telling him you're not in the mood. He's a patient man, way too patient and understanding, yet being rejected by you every single time he tries to initiate things is new.
''Gonna tell me what's your problem?'' He ambushes you once your father leaves to go to the store, arms crossed across his chest and blocking your way out of the room. Simon never uses his body to intimidate you on purpose or get in your way, but he knows you'll avoid conversation unless he does so.
''I don't have a problem.'' You bite the inside of your cheek, crossing your arms as well as you look up at him. The sight is nothing short of adorable, the urge to pinch your cheeks and shake you around passing through his mind, though it's cut short pretty fast.
''That's bollocks.'' He points out, walking closer to you and forcing you to crane your neck just to keep eye contact. You let out a frustrated sigh, eyebrows furrowed as you look up at him.
''Fine. Want to know what my fucking problem is?'' He stays quiet, simply nodding once in acknowledgement.
''You are my problem, Simon. You just... came into my life and ruined it.'' If he's affected by your words, his stoic expression is doing a great job at hiding it.
''You ruined me for everyone else. Can't date, can't flirt, can't even think about hooking up with someone to forget about you because they're not worth it— they're not you.'' There's tears rimming your eyes as you speak, trying to keep them in until you look away and a choked sob escapes your lips, the dam finally breaking as you sit down in bed, pathetically making yourself smaller for him even when it's not necessary.
''No one will ever be like you and I— I don't know what to do, Simon. I fucking love you, but you treat me like I'm... like I'm just a toy.'' Your hands go up to cover your face, not allowing him the pleasure of seeing the tears roll down your cheeks and the pained expression on your face.
Silence.
It's quiet for what feels like forever until he crouches down in front of you, hands grasping your wrists and moving them away from your face. He cups your cheeks as soon as he sees the trail of tears staining your pretty skin, soft kisses planted all over your face while all you can do is let him.
'''M sorry.'' He mutters once he's done kissing you all over, face hiding on the crook of your neck as he lets out a soft sigh, preparing himself to make a decision once and for all.
''Your old man means the world to me. You know that, yeah?'' He keeps going once you nod your head, one hand holding yours while the other runs up and down your back soothingly.
''And you mean the world to him. Hell, you mean the world to me. I know it's fuckin' stupid, but I'm scared he'll keep you away from me.'' Your small scoff earns you a chuckle coming out of his lips, looking up just to see the pretty frown on your lips.
''Like hell he will. He'll be happy if... if we date, you know? No one treats me the way you do.'' You manage to speak despite the tears, drying your eyes with the sleeve of your hoodie— his hoodie.
''I know.'' He whispers softly, brown eyes shining with understanding. He's so vulnerable and so fucking scared he almost feels pathetic.
''I know.'' He repeats, sitting down next to you and holding you on his lap, as close to him as possible while your face is buried on his chest.
''... I'll tell him.'' He promises, planting a small kiss on your forehead, unaware of the man listening to the conversation with a small smile on his lips. He knows, of course he knows.
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sweetiecutie · 10 months
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Valeria Garza sugar mommy hc’s
Pairing: Valeria Garza x fem! Reader
Warnings: mdni, sugar mommy/sugar baby dynamics, age gap, a liiiiittle bit of angst but it’s all good, smut, it’s proofread a few times but I’m dyslexic so there prob will be mistakes lmao😭
In my mind Valeria is a raging lesbian. She always knew that she was attracted to women, but still gave a few goes to relationships with men. And, needless to say, the only things she got from those were trauma and deep disappointment in men. I can’t tell about her relationships with Alejandro for sure - were they platonic or romantic - but I kinda feel like he was the final straw for her. After whatever happened between these two, even an idea itself of being together with a man repulsed Valeria.
So when she laid her eyes on you - pretty little thing, all giggly and bubbly, looking up at her with those adorable doe eyes - Valeria knew that she just had to have you at any cost.
At first she was very subtle with her advances - she wanted to make sure that you were into women as well, to avoid yet another painful disappointment. And she couldn’t exactly ask you straight - that could’ve freak you out and scare you away - last thing Valeria would want. It took a pretty long while - for Valeria’s great dismay and frustration - for a perfect opportunity to finally come. And when you, giggling and blushing, confessed that you were indeed interested in women - Valeria felt giddy. Just perfect.
After this rather informative conversation between the two of you, Valeria finally decided to bring to life her plan of courting you. At first it was very confusing for both you of you. Mostly you. Here she is - this insanely attractive older woman, being genuinely interested in your company, asking you out for coffee or just a ‘girls night’ every once in a while, and you didn’t know how to feel about it all. Valeria was playful and flirty, all the fleeting touches on your shoulders or thighs that made you tremble, your fingers brushing while handing something to each other, longing stares that were a bit too long to be brushed off and it wasn’t long until you developed a crush on her. And rather huge one, I’d say. “But did she actually feel the same? Was she interested in you the way you were in her? Or was she just playing around, like a cat with a trembling mouse, before throwing you away once she got bored?” - these were the questions buzzing loudly in your head, and you didn’t know what to do.
You’ve been fighting your feelings back - ignoring butterflies flaring in your stomach whenever Valeria called you, or stupid smile stretching your lips at the mere thought of her. Your “little crush” turned out to be stronger than you initially thought it was, and it scared you. So, to avoid your heart being broken, you decided to take this whole situation into your own hands. And by that you meant ignoring Valeria until your feeling for her disappeared.
And oh baby, was she annoyed by that. Once eager and happy “Of course, sushi night sounds just great” from you was replaced by “Sorry, but uni really has me in a chokehold, gotta lots of work to do”. This lasted for nearly a month before Valeria’s this thin patience finally snapped - she had to do something about it.
She decided to visit you late in the evening (so that she was sure you were home, to avoid possible frustration by you being absent). Banging on your front door she waited patiently for you to open it, listening to quiet scurrying on the other side.
Soon tentative “who’s there?” came from you, your voice sounded so small - scared, even - not waiting anyone this late of an hour.
- It’s me, hermosa. Open the door, - she said as calmly as she could manage, jaw set tightly and nostrils flaring as adrenaline was rushing through her veins.
You cracked open the door, peeking out to make sure it was actually her, before opening it fully. Valeria felt her rage fading slightly at the sight of you - hair all disheveled and up in a rushed bun, skin flushed and soft from hot shower, small silky bathrobe you had on gave her a pretty sight of your plushy thighs.
You were relieved to see her at your door and not some creep that could put you in danger. But the look of annoyance etched on her pretty face made you gulp nervously, whole body tensing as you could clearly feel a not so pleasant conversation quickly approaching.
You stepped aside, letting Valeria inside your small apartment. She made her way to your living room, stopping in the middle of the room and looking around, not saying a single word. You lingered behind her awkwardly, not knowing what to do.
- Sooo, would you like some coffee? - you started tentatively, playing with your thumbs to busy your hands with something.
- The fuck is happening, Y/n? - Valeria asked harshly, turning around on her heels to fully face you.
- Pardon? - you asked, your eyes widening at the sudden aggression in her voice.
Valeria sneered at your lost expression, looking at the wall behind you and inhaling deeply through her nose, trying her best to control her rage. This woman had a short temper, and you perfectly knew it, internally preparing yourself for a shouting marathon. You watched Valeria close her eyes, taking another deep breath, before saying in a eerily calm tone:
- You’ve been avoiding me. For a month now. Why?
Oh. So she did notice.
You stood there, like a deer caught in the headlights, as Valeria looked expectedly at you.
- So? - she pressed, cocking one of her dark eyebrows as silence went on for far too long. You gulped, trying to swallow a heavy lump constricting your throat, your waterline burning with bitter tears.
- Because I don’t know how to feel about you, - you uttered quietly, your voice small and weak, trembling ever so slightly. You tried controlling your breathing in a weak attempt of calming yourself down, not to let hot tears fall down your cheeks, especially in front of her.
- The fuck is that supposed to mean? - Valeria barked, making you wince slightly. She regretted it immediately, taking yet another deep breath to cool down, waiting patiently for your reply.
You hesitated. Should you tell her the truth? Or you could use an excuse of being busy with your studies, it seemed like it worked perfectly with Valeria. Or so you thought, anyways.
It was now or never - at this point, after you avoiding her for several weeks and this exact conversation happening, your relationship with Valeria would never be the same. So you decided to rip the bandaid off in one harsh move - painful at first, but it’ll be way easier in the future.
- I have feelings for you. Strong feelings. And I decided to end it before it got way too out of hand.
Ringing silence fell between the two of you. Valeria looked at you dumbfounded. Wait, what? Did you just confessed to her? That means that you actually, actually, liked her back?
Garza just stared at you silently, and you felt sick to the bottom of your stomach. You couldn’t control your tears anymore, feeling them flow down your cheeks freely. You quickly turned away, rubbing at your eyes with the back of your hand, angrily wiping salty tears away. Anger was bubbling inside of your chest - this is so stupid, stupid, stupid!
You heard footsteps behind you and suddenly a pair of strong arms wrapped around your waist, Valeria’s warm body pressed against your shuddering back, molding against you. She rested her forehead against your shoulder, rubbing her face against soft material of your bathrobe, arms squeezing you a tad tighter in a hug.
- Princess, you don’t know how much I wanted to hear you say it, - she murmured against your skin, inhaling a lungful of your sweet scent. Your head snapped to the side, trying to catch a glimpse of Valeria.
- What..?
In a swift move the turned you around, warm hands resting on both your cheeks, thumbs wiping your tears away. Before you knew it her plump lips were slotted snugly against yours, sending electric shocks running up and down your spine, electricity tingling on your fingertips. You gasped softly before she broke away, leaning back just enough to have a proper look of your flushed pretty face. Without fully realizing what you were doing you leaned forward, once again meeting her lips with yours, arms wrapping around her shoulders to keep her as close to you as humanly possible.
So that’s how relationships between you two started. You two never actually settled sugar mommy/sugar baby dynamic, but with the age difference and all the money Valeria had from running a cartel?? Baby, you get whatever you want.
Valeria literally spoils you rotten - any jewelry, expensive makeup or clothing piece you may want - you most certainly get it. She also loves to take you to pretty locations like Italy, Spain, Jamaica - you name it. Your vacations never last long due to her work, but it’s enough to make some amazing memories together. But spoiling also goes to some extend - you want another car? Cariño, you already have three new pretty sport cars in garage - the answer is a firm NO.
And speaking of work - Valeria wants you as far from it all as well. It’s most likely you don’t even have any idea of what she’s doing for life. You guess that it’s something illegal - considering all the conspiracy and amount of money Valeria makes. But you don’t think too much into that; Valeria wants you away from all this dark business - so you do just that.
Valeria has a pretty tight schedule, not always having time for sleep, not saying anything about time to spare for you. That means that when she does have free time she expects you to be right there with her, no matter what you were previously occupied with. College? - Skip it. Family gathering? - Babe, you see them pretty often anyways, now get your precious ass over to her. Of course it annoys you as well sometimes, but Valeria genuinely doesn’t see anything wrong with her behavior so you have to patiently explain to her that you can’t always come to her at her smallest whim, causing pretty nasty arguments by that.
Valeria is very possessive. Whenever you extremely one of your friends that you’re really close with? God, it just turns some switch inside of her - her smile disappears, jaw clenching slightly and her whole body goes a bit rigid. She wants you all to herself, she wants you to only think about her and no one else. She knows that it’s wrong, that she shouldn’t feel this way, but she simply can’t help it! You are so smart and kind and pretty and charming - it’s hard NOT to fall for you! It takes lots of reassurance from your side to soothe Valeria’s pointless worries, proving over and over throughout the night that she’s the only one for you, the only one that can make you feel so loved and needed.
Valeria definitely gave you a cute golden choker, inlaid with lots of pretty gemstones. She loves seeing you wearing it - not only it goes well with most of your cute outfits; “mommy’s princess” engraved on the inner side of it translated onto your skin prettily, staying there for several minutes - bare sight of it makes Valeria’s mouth water, fingers twitching with want.
And speaking of sexual activities - I’m a firm believer that Valeria is a dom. Hard or soft - depends on her mood and your behavior. But this woman just doesn’t know how to bottom, not that she wants to. She loves her pretty pillow princess, loves to do all the work for you, having you at her complete mercy. You tried switching roles a few times, but every single time Valeria ended up pinning you down, absolutely ravaging you with her tongue, fingers or strap (or all together👀)
She’s VERY into pet play. Varelia absolutely adores tugging on the leash, making you whimper and ordering you around. Loves seeing you humping her leg like a desperate little pup, being so polite asking your mistress to finger your tight hole<3
Loves loves LOVES making you squirt!!! And don’t have any doubts, you WILL squirt with her! This woman just know how to make another woman cum in a matter of minutes. And all the cute sounds you make? God, it drives Valeria absolutely crazy!
Loves receiving sloppy slow heads. You sitting in between her spread legs, so desperate to please her. Your big doe eyes almost rolling back into your skull, tongue delved deep inside her pussy as you lick and lap at her seeping cunt, nose nudging her clit. Valeria buried her hands into your hair, tugging you towards herself, nearly choking you on her cunt.
And can you guess what Valeria’s favorite activity is? Scissoring you absolutely stupid early in the morning, her clit rubbing tightly against yours, your juices mixing, running down your thighs and ass. And make sure to give her a show, massaging your bouncy tits, pinching these perky nipples. Best way to wake up imho🥰
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berryblosom · 6 months
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AFTER A FIGHT ༊*·˚
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Fights with Yuji are rare, almost non existent so it really took a toll on you when this fight came out of no where. You normally don't mind when yuji forgets something in fact you find it cute however his forgetfulness this time almost killed you. You made Yuji promise when you first started dating that he'd call or text if a mission he was on would drag on for a couple more days, you weren't a sorcerer so it wasn't like you could go and find him if something went wrong. Yuji broke his promise which resulted in a fight which then resulted in you sleeping in the guest bedroom.
You've stared at the ceiling for almost an hour now not being able to sleep without your human furnace. "Y/N?" The knock at the door and Yujis voice had you sitting up in the bed immediately.
"Come in." You cringed at how horse your voice sounds after crying for an hour. Yuji comes in hugging one of your many pillows, he makes his way straight to you and kneels on the side of the bed you were sitting on. He takes your hands into his rubbing them into his cheek "I'm sorry I yelled beautiful, I know you're just worried." His big eyes peer up at you and you notice his eyes are red and puffy. He'd been crying and it pained you to see him like this. "I'm sorry I yelled too." You pull him into the bed with you and he instantly wraps his arms around you. This felt right, having Yuji glued to your back and his face buried in the nape of your neck. "I promise to never make you cry again pretty girl, I love you" "i love you too Yuji."
Megumi didn't know what to do, he's been sitting outside the guest room for hours listening to your soft cries. You refuse to let him in and the more he thinks about your fight the more guilt he felt. He didn't mean to call you clingy, he's new to relationships and isn't used to receiving so much affection it overwhelmed him.
Your cries come to a stop and Megumi thought that maybe you'd finally come out. "Y/N can you come out please." He was met with silence. You know he didn't mean to say it but it still hurt because you love him so much. "Please I just wanna see if your okay." You give in and open the door. Megumi falls back landing at your feet, when he sees how red your eyes are he scrambles to get up and pull you into a hug which surprises you as he isn't one for initiating physical contact. "I didn't mean it, you know that right?" You slowly bring your arms up to hug him rubbing his back. "I know, I shouldn't have pushed you." He shakes his head and pulls you away to look at your face. "No it's my own problem I love when you're affectionate and I love you." You smile ruffling his hair as you walk back to your bed room together. "I love you too my grumpy Gumi."
You sigh as you think about the fight with Satoru. Your fights never lasted more than a minute, it was alway little things like him forgetting to put down the toilet seat or you watching a show without him but this time he went too far. You've explained to Satoru that the guy from your class is just a friend but that didn't stop Satoru from beating him up infront of everyone when he saw the guy hug you. "Princess, baby, love of my life please let me in. I miss you.” You wanted so badly to open the door for him and run into his arms but he had to know how bad what he did was. "No you need to learn your lesson." You lean against the door listening to his breathing from the other side. "I've learned my love please I miss your face." You roll you eyes at your overly dramatic boyfriend, it's only been ten minutes since you locked yourself in the guest bedroom. You decide he's been punished enough and open the door, he wastes no time in lifting you into his arms and burying his face into your chest. "Never lock me out again." He looks up at you with his annoyingly blue eyes "Depends on if you can behave." He nods his head frantically while carrying you back to bed "I can...you still love me right?" "Of course I do pretty boy"
Kento had expected to come home to all the light off and an empty bed. You're sleeping figure is what calms him down after a long day at work, just the feeing of your hands in his hair makes all the days worries fade away but after your fight over the phone today he didn't think that would happen. He's been working non stop for weeks and has missed several plans you've made to spend time with him, he realised just how much you've missed him when you called him during his break today crying. He takes of his coat, dropping all his stuff to find you in the guest bedroom.
He climbs into bed with you stirring you from your sleep. "Ken?" You turn to face him rubbing the sleep from your eyes "Im so sorry I made you cry darling." He strokes the side of your face feeling incredibly guilty when he sees your tear stained cheeks. "It's okay, I know how important your job is." Your hands runs through his hair which instantly makes him feel better.
"Nothing is as important to me as you are love." He nuzzles his face into yours and pulls you into a tight hug. "Will you come back to bed with me?" You nod and he picks you up "Let's go back"
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foxy-eva · 11 months
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Lavender & Lace
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Summary: Spencer didn't know how much fun going shopping with his girlfriend would be
Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader
Category: Smut 
Content Warning: (18+, minors DNI) lingerie, semi-public sex (in a dressing room), almost getting caught, fingering, unprotected penetrative sex
Word Count: 1.6k
Masterlist
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When you initially asked Spencer to come shopping with you, he expected to see you in different options for new work attire, maybe some casual clothes as well. What he hadn't expected was you grabbing one piece of very alluring lingerie after the other with the prospect of letting him see you wearing each of them. 
Spencer, currently standing right behind you, was holding four different types of bras for you while you inspected some more underwear that would leave very little to the imagination. 
With a smirk spread over your face, you wondered, "What do you think about this one?"
"Uhm…," was all Spencer had to say to that. 
It was getting harder by the second for Spencer to not imagine you wearing all those tempting clothing options. He knew that if he'd allow his mind to wander that things could get very inappropriate very quickly. There was no denying the disadvantages of the male anatomy when it came to impure thoughts in a public place. 
"I think I'll just have to try on everything!" You chirped as you grabbed your boyfriend's hand to lead him to the fitting rooms. 
When you wanted to pull him into the confined space, Spencer hesitated, asking, "You want me to go in there with you?"
"I need to know what you think." Pointing at the clothes Spencer was still holding for you, you added, "Unless you want me to walk out of the dressing room for everyone to see me wearing this."
After contemplating his options for a split second, Spencer stepped into the changing room with you and closed the curtain behind him. Sitting down on the little chair in the corner, he handed you the first bra to try on. You were quick to undress and noticed how Spencer's cheeks began glowing once your chest was exposed. 
It was obvious how hard he tried to be respectful but he couldn't help but shyly take a glimpse of your curves. You found his reaction endearing, especially knowing how different he usually was when he saw you naked in another context. 
"Spencer, you have seen them a million times," you giggled.
He found your eyes and corrected you, "It's only been 158 times. And I still can't believe how beautiful you are."
For a moment you tried to recount if this number could be accurate but you knew Spencer never made a mistake when it came to math. You almost wanted to tell him that you couldn't believe he knew the exact number but the truth was, you weren't surprised at all. 
Spencer's eyes followed every one of your moves a lot more blatantly than before as you tried on the first piece of clothing. You started with the most modest one, a bra with a color similar to your skin tone you could wear in your everyday life. Your boyfriend almost seemed relieved when you picked that one to try on first. 
"It works but it's not really what I'm looking for," you said as you reached back to unclasp it. 
Once again Spencer's eyes fell to your chest and you couldn't help but laugh, "My eyes are up here."
"Sorry," he mumbled, his entire face colored in a lovely rosy shade. 
You reached for a more alluring piece of lingerie, something you thought Spencer would really like on you. 
As you brushed over the lavender-colored lace, you announced, "I think I'll try that one next."
Spencer audibly gulped before clearing his throat but he didn't say anything. Once the bra was in place, you noticed how thin the fabric was. It was barely covering the curve of your breast and your nipples were visible. Nothing you owned came even close to how daring this bra was. 
Spencer noticed that, too. 
He also noticed how his pants suddenly got a lot tighter, his attempt to keep his thoughts decent failed at last. His mind raced to a image of you wearing that piece of lingerie together with a matching pair of panties that he would just push aside to fuck you. 
The soft tone of your voice brought him back to reality. "Could you help me adjust the straps?" 
He got up from the chair, aware that he was unable to hide the bulge in his pants from you. At this point he had already abandoned his hope to be able to keep up a decent demeanor. 
"Looks like you really like this one," you purred once you noticed. 
Spencer stood behind you, finding your eyes in the mirror. 
"I do," he confirmed. "I love that color on you." 
When his fingertips made contact with the skin of your back, a shiver ran down your spine. He was quickly done with adjusting the straps of the bra but let his hands linger anyway. His eyes were dark and filled with lust, a look you usually only got to see when you were alone with him. 
"What are you thinking?" You breathed as if it wasn't obvious. 
Still acting too reserved for your liking, he answered,"I'd rather not say."
You didn't let go just yet, encouraging him to speak his mind by saying, "No need to be shy."
Spencer leaned down to find your ear, his breath feeling hot against your neck when he groaned, "I'm thinking about what I want to do later."
One of your hands reached back to feel his hardness through his pants, whispering, "Why wait?" 
"We're in public," he reminded you as he removed your hand despite his desperation to find some relief. 
Your hands flew to your pants, undoing them as you cooed, "Guess I'll have to be quiet then." 
Spencer looked at you in disbelief, clearly hesitating to bring to action what both of you longed for. Once your pants dropped to the floor, there was no more holding back. He pressed himself against your back and let his hands wander over your body. One of them made contact with the curve of your breasts, brushing over the thin lace of the bra until your peaks hardened. 
The other hand descended down your stomach until his fingertips carefully parted your folds to access your most sensitive spot. He teased you for a few moments until he was certain you were ready for him. With a firm push against your shoulder he slightly bent your body until your palms met the mirror. 
His mouth found your ear once more, breathing, "One sound and I'll stop."
When you heard the sound of him undoing his belt, you felt like you might lose your mind. Gone was any trace of the shy man who barely dared to take a look at the lingerie you picked out. The way he let his eyes roam over your figure now excited you more than you could put into words.
Through the mirror you watched him spit in his palm to give himself a few strokes. You stood on your tiptoes and tilted your hips a little more to give him access to your body. He didn't hold back in the slightest, pushing into you with one swift motion while his mouth kissed along your neck. Biting down on your own lips, you tried your best to hold back the moans that usually escaped your mouth in moments like this. 
The sensation of creating such an intimate moment in an almost public setting like this was too much for you to handle. Usually Spencer took his time with you, teasing you with slow thrusts until you begged for more. Today was different. He pushed into you with purposeful motions, making it clear that he wanted you to fall over the edge within just a few moments. 
You locked eyes with him through the mirror and admiring the rosy shade spread all over his cheeks and neck. It was obvious how much he was enjoying this moment, almost forgotten was the possibility that someone could disturb the two of you. 
Until you heard a stranger's voice from the other side of the curtain. 
Spencer instantly stopped moving while placing his hand over your mouth. You were sure that this would be the end of your encounter, making you abandon your mission before either of you had found relief. But your boyfriend just listened and waited with a lot more patience than you'd expected. 
It appeared that the stranger was talking to someone else and soon walked away from their place right in front of your dressing room. When he was sure that nobody knew about the lewdness happening behind the curtain, Spencer began moving again, harsher and quicker than before. 
"You better hurry or we'll get caught," he whispered before kissing the side of your face.
He kept his hand on your mouth, not fully trusting you to stay quiet. It proved to be the right choice once you entered a state of pure bliss, the sounds of your pleasure muffled by Spencer’s hand pressed against your lips. The second he felt you pulsing around his hardness, he let go as well. He shared your warmth with you until neither of you had anything left to give. 
When your bodies parted, the remains of your shared desire began dripping down your thighs. Spencer was quick to hand you a tissue from your purse and helped you clean up any evidence of impropriety.
Once both of your pants were back in place, Spencer found your eyes and softly asked, "Are you okay?"
Smiling at him, you nodded, "Yes, are you?" 
"Yeah but…," he paused and placed his hands on your waist, gently moving them up until they brushed over the purple lace of the bra. "I think I'll need to see you wearing that again at home." 
"That can be arranged," you snickered. "I'm pretty sure there's also a matching pair of panties." 
After placing a kiss on your lips, Spencer chuckled, "I can’t wait to see that."
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If you enjoyed reading this story you should check out the other fics in my NSFW Masterlist!
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gay-dorito-dust · 6 months
Text
Don’t imagine MK1 men edition;
This came to me as I was listen to asmr last night. Honestly have no clue what this is. 🦦
Don’t imagine Tomas asking you out of the blue about how he smells, having just finished using a new shower jell that had you recently bought, and once you were within range Tomas then pecks your forehead with his soft lips before pulling away with flustered cheeks and a dopey smile as he sheepishly rubs the back of his head.
‘I couldn’t resist.’ He claims. ‘I saw others doing something similar with their spouses, and so I guess I wanted to do it too. Pretty silly huh?’
Don’t imagine Raiden listening intently as you spoke, giving you every ounce of his attention towards the topic of discussion, smiling softly as his unwavering gaze never once faltered from your face; whereas yours would find a hard time staying glued to his beautiful dark ones because of how deeply he looked at you, making you feel not only heard but seen too.
Even as you apologised for talking his ear off, Raiden would counter that your voice was something he could never grow tired of, for it was his favourite sound.
It was such a simple thing but it was enough for you to feel yourself becoming fidgety under his gaze. It didn’t seem to matter how many times Raiden did this because it would always feel like the first time, every time.
Don’t imagine Liu Kang trying to make up for lost time by spending whatever small amount of time he had with you to the fullest before duty inevitably calls for his attention once more.
He’s fully aware that you don’t hold it against him and that you knew what you were getting into upon agreeing to being with him, but he couldn’t help but feel as though he was in some way selfish with you, to which you were quick in disagreeing with by saying he was more selfless then selfish.
However that didn’t stop Liu Kang from helping you with your daily tasks as a way of expressing his gratitude for you, whether that be going down to the market, making the bed, preparing breakfast or something to drink. Liu Kang will do it without a second thought because who knows when he’ll have to leave you again.
So he savours every moment while he can but it doesn’t make the pain of having to separate from you anywhere near bearable.
‘No matter how far apart we may be physically, that does not mean my heart isn’t any less always with you.’
Don’t imagine Kuai Liang holding you tightly to him during the cold nights, his above average body warmth acting as your only form of comfort to combat the cold drafts that would somehow make their way into your room.
He’d thoroughly enjoyed the view of you trying to get as close as possible to leech off of his warmth, he couldn’t get enough with just how perfect you slotted against him and would often times have to pull you back into his embrace when he felt you shift the slightest bit away from him.
Kuai Liang loves keeping you close to his person, it makes him feel as though he’s protecting you with everything that he has, he loves it even more when he gets the chance to wake up before you and chooses to admire your every feature with adoration and love, engraving every inch of your face to memory; even your every imperfection that you claim to posses was engraved into his mind as to Kuai Liang, to love was to love imperfectly.
Not all love was perfect but yours certainly the most perfectly imperfect love there was.
Don’t imagine Bi-Han allowing you to take care of his injuries when he gets back from missions.
Don’t imagine Bi-Han‘s muscles tense up initially upon feeling your hands upon his injured bicep, soft hands working away at the wound in a way that wouldn’t cause him any more pain then he was already in.
Don’t imagine Bi-Han as his his sharp, observant eyes watch your every movement like a hawk, it’s not like he didn’t trust you, he was just trained to be vigilant whenever he put his care within the hands of others. He would even do it with the medics now and then but quickly came to accept that they knew what they were doing.
Don’t imagine Bi-Han slowly coming to terms with just how touch starved he was when he found himself at the mercy of your tender, caring touch, practically giving over all power to you in that situation to do whatever you saw fit. You could’ve hurt him even further for all he knew but instead you treated each of his wounds with a kind of gentleness he had never seen nor received before.
Whatever you do don’t imagine Bi-Han inspecting your work after you were done, giving a satisfied grunt, before he did an uncharacteristic thing by grabbing your hands within his own and kissing the back of them in gratitude.
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softevnstan · 1 year
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(nsfw) random prompt event generator for bucky!!
Bucky and Y/N going back to one or the other's house after a date, where they eventually end up dry-humping on the couch. Y/N only intends this as foreplay, but Bucky is already getting overwhelmed. Y/N finds this amusing and endearing, leaning close to whisper something teasingly into Bucky's ear. It turns out that Bucky is more excited than Y/N thought, and hits orgasm without any further stimulation, to the surprise of Y/N and the embarrassment of Bucky. What happens next?
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pairing. bucky barnes x gender neutral! reader
summary. After a date night out with Bucky as you explore your new relationship, you unintentionally wind up taking your makeout session a little too far. Quickly you learn it's been far too long since Bucky has had a partner.
warnings. SMUT - minors DNI. kissing, praise kink, dirty talk, size difference, beefy bucky, dry humping, masturbation (bucky and you), implied/referenced trauma, reader has v but still gender neutral. p with plot, recovering!bucky barnes (half-way).
a.n. ok, i have other things to write and originally i was gonna let this wait... until i read the prompt again and saw this as an opportunity for some mild bottom/fluffy bucky. (bucky is a bottom you can't change my mind, but i'll write top for you all i promise) starts a little fluffy at first because idk how to not write some sort of context to situations, and bucky is still in recovery reasonably so
w.c. 7.6k howdidthishappen
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Your date with Bucky exceeded your expectations. Wary that things would potentially be a little rough around the edges while the soldier was still trying to put himself back together, you were pleasantly surprised when he picked you up at your apartment with a bouquet of flowers - specifically an interesting combination of sunflowers and roses. You couldn’t remember the last time someone had bought you flowers, and after running them inside so as to not ruin them by taking them on the trip, Bucky held your hand all the way to his motorcycle and helped you settle comfortably before embarking on the evening together. No awkward pauses or tense, heavy moments with Bucky; It was sweet and a dream come true that you didn’t even know you’d had.
He’d surprised you on where you both were going initially. Blindly trusting Bucky with wherever he chose your date location, he decided that the Art Museum was the safest choice. Dinners could be awkward - what if you don’t like the way someone chews their food? Movies hardly left time to actually get to know one another, instead just sitting in the dark with occasional spared glances. Anything too physical could be exerting and hinder you from another date with Bucky. So after indecisively pondering, Bucky had chosen that an art exhibit was the best way to go.
You loved it.
So many classic paintings and countless mediums of art filled the halls as you two strode hand in hand. Bucky was on the quieter side, but not enough to deter you. He’d smile and watch the twinkle in your eyes when you both came across a particularly marvelous work of art that you loved. Bucky had listened smittenly as you gushed about the way some pieces of art made you feel or the message you interpreted behind it all. Eventually, Bucky had begun to open up throughout the night to do the same. What felt like hours of enriched conversation and two people simply being in the moment.
Sometimes people don’t need candles and rose petals, sometimes people just need someone to talk to and feel just as down to earth with. 
Unfortunately, neither of you had finished going through the whole museum together in one sitting.
Bucky had used that as the opportunity to salvage the situation; “I guess that means we’ll just have to come back together.” He’d said fondly when you both stopped at the mini-cafe built in the museum before you both left.
Instead of letting the date die down when the museum began closing for the night, you offered to bring the party back to your apartment instead. Tempting Bucky with a bottle of wine sitting in your kitchen so you two could just spend some more time together, he didn’t need too much convincing. Any excuse to stay close to you, to steal some of your time just a little longer before returning to his dull apartment. 
‘How could I say no to you, doll?’ He had said, and you’d beamed at the small victory.
Truly, you hadn’t meant for it to end up where it was (not that you were complaining). When you asked Bucky to come into your apartment building, when you’d walked together hand in hand, you didn’t think you’d wind up like this. But somewhere between being plastered against Bucky’s backside and having the privilege to let your hands wander and explore tight leather hiding thick arms or the adrenaline of feeling the wind whipping in your hair, you’d started to become insatiable on the trip back.
Bucky had this way with you that made you feel like a teenager in love all over again.
Sure, he was quiet, but he was misunderstood. Soft and sweet, he had a compassionate heart and an intelligent mind, the gentle giant. 
It’d taken some time to help Bucky bring down those walls initially - countless weeks you’d spent just trying to be his friend before he finally caved and agreed. He was a private person, you learned, but once peeling back all the layers, Bucky was amazing and worth all the work that went into opening him up. Creative and smart, a book-lover and funny, he was gentle and tender and emotional in every way that a man could be if they let themselves. He wasn’t afraid to be honest, but was instead afraid to voice that too loud. He wasn’t afraid to be emotional or vulnerable with those he trusted - not the unfeeling machine that so many had made him out to be. Bucky had simply needed someone who understood him - or was willing to if nothing else.
Once you’d gotten past all of it, all of the rough nights and moody days, it was worth it. You’d watched Bucky become something he never was before…
He was the one who had taken your relationship a step further. 
Tentatively and timidly, might you add. Always endearing. He’d been anxious asking you to come out with him - as though he’d been fighting with himself for a long while on whether or not he should even ask. When he finally called you and asked if you’d like to go out on a date with him tonight - yes, he’d used date - you’d been elated. 
And sure, you were moving a little too fast at that moment, but life is short and he’s already on seventy years of borrowed time. Bucky deserves to be loved.
Warm hand had rubbed up the length of Bucky’s bicep, and you gave his shoulder a squeeze when getting off of his motorcycle with a teasing glint in your eyes.
When he walked with you into the building, you hugged his left arm to your side - refusing for any additional space to come between the both of you as you prattled on about 'Birthday', by Dorothea Tanning and how you interpreted it as the door into the imagination, and Bucky was busy trying to remember which painting it was you were talking about - it was 'the winged scared cat-creature on the floor' that rejogged his memory.
Bucky was just happy you clung so easily to the cold and hard metal of his vibranium arm as if it were his own.
Turning into your hall, you’d begun to pull Bucky by the arm. Turning on your heel and offering him a smitten smile when you tugged him closer to your body in a backward walk. His eyes crinkled at the corners with his smile, his smile wide and showing off pretty white teeth. Even the sheepish duck of his head was precious when you led him into your apartment, finally excited to have time where it could be just you and Bucky without prying eyes.
"If you were eager to get home, you could've just said so," Bucky teased you, and you gave a playful smirk in response.
"M'not, I'm just excited to finally be alone with you." you'd cooed, attempting to make the words seductive but honestly they came more sentimental than anything.
The door gave way behind you when you twisted the knob with your one hand, the other still clutching to Bucky's sleeve. It didn't give Bucky a chance to respond to your retort when you tugged him right on into your apartment. Instead, it earned a chuckle that snapped into a gasp with your pull.
It was when that door shut that something came over you. Tucked into your own little corner of the world, you didn’t fear overwhelming Bucky with affection that made him uncomfortable. No worries about people gawking and making him feel out of place (or him being afraid of gawking, really). 
When you both were just past the threshold of your apartment, you turned and used your foot to push the door shut. Fingers sliding up Bucky's arm, you used the moment to grab the lapels of his leather coat and step back - coming flush with the door and dragging Bucky right on into your tight space.
Hardly giving him a chance to protest. Wide cobalt eyes study you when you both are finally still, Bucky's hands hovering a little uselessly briefly and while shocked, still pleasantly surprised by your bravery.
"Someone is a little impatient," Bucky comments, expression softening. "Not impatient, just excited." You defend with a loving smile. "I could've sworn there was a bottle of wine mentioned..." Bucky trails. "Can you even get intoxicated?" You rhetorically question with a curious tilt of your head and a knowing grin. "Can't I drink for the taste like most people do?" Bucky retorts. "Touché."
You both fall into a small fit of giggles and soft laughs, the small talk helping to alleviate some of Bucky's nerves. His hands slowly come to settle on your sides since you're not budging from where you'd pressed flat against the door. Enjoying being wedged between a door and Bucky - you'd be crazy not to.
Despite the way, your mind is running a million miles a minute and your gaze can't seem to draw away from Bucky's pouty lips, Bucky doesn't seem to be picking up as easily on your advances. That's okay. He's always been worth the wait.
“...Did you have a good evenin’, doll?” he asks, flesh hand smoothing down to delicately rest on your hip.
“I was with you, wasn’t I?" Bucky looks at you for a beat as if slightly unconvinced... "Yes, Bucky. One of the best dates I've ever been on... ‘S a shame, I don’t want it to end.” You coo, drawing Bucky in closer until you’re both flush against each other. His left-gloved hand lifted to push your hair from your face tenderly. 
“Who says it has to end right here?” Bucky hums with his signature playboy grin - no wonder why he had every girl in Brooklyn creaming their panties.
The low husk of his voice strikes you to your very core, allowing your imagination to run wild with the countless thoughts of what the man before you could really do if he tried. Really, it wouldn’t take much; Bucky already had you curled around his finger, whether he knew it or not was another question.
“I thought you’d never ask,” pleased, you lay your hands flat on Bucky’s chest. Feeling under his open coat and hands finding the expanse of muscle. You tilt your head back, biting your bottom lip seductively with a cheeky grin.
You aren’t ready to find Bucky’s eyes watching you so intently. The way he wets his bottom lip before worrying it between his teeth and releasing that pouty lip of his. Eyes boring right into you and keeping you pinned between him and the door. Ever so carefully, Bucky cups your cheek in his large gloved palm. There’s hardly a missed beat when you turn your head and nose affectionately into his palm, able to hear the soft whirring of the machinery before pressing a chaste kiss to leave behind.
“I had fun tonight,” You reiterate to him softly - the drag of your lips accentuated with every word against his palm.
“M’glad. You look good when you’re happy.” Bucky murmurs, but he seems distracted. Cobalt eyes follow every drag of your lips, Bucky exhales a shallow breath. 
“I bet I could think of a few ways you could make me even happier, Bucky,” you singsong, hand sliding up over Bucky’s that hold your cheek to press affectionately into his touch. Always grateful for anything, nuzzling into him like a needy kitten. 
Part of you is waiting for the next step. For him to make the next move - that’s the dance between you two. You step, and Bucky steps one more further. Playing off of each other. It doesn’t come.
“M’sure you could, sugar,” Bucky starts, and you’re waiting for the ‘But’... “But,” There it is. “Maybe we should slow down just a little. It’s been such a good night…”
“We could make it better,” you offer, and Bucky flushes slightly at the implication.
“...I don’t want to move too fast,” Bucky says after a pause in a hushed whisper - as though scared if he speaks any louder, the universe may come in and rip this good thing away from him as it has a history of doing.
“Listen, I care about you. And I had a really, really good time with you - I’m still so happy you agreed to come out with me. But you’re not- Not some dame. I’m not just trying to get into your pants, Y/N…” Bucky elaborates tentatively, and you watch him with understanding in your gaze.
“I know,” You softly lament. “You’re not that kind of fella, Bucky…” “I want you to feel comfortable with me - happy,” Bucky emphasizes, and for half a moment your heart hurts for the man in front of you. So convinced he’s still capable of doing harm, even after all of this time. “I can’t think of a time I’ve been uncomfortable around you at all, actually,” Softly you contest, and Bucky offers you a briefly amused smile. 
“We can take our time,” Bucky presses; You can tell it’s more for him than it is for you. “Anything you need.” No questions about it. Nuzzling into Bucky’s palm, your lips form a chaste smile. “You’re too good to me, sugar…” “Funny, I’ve found myself thinking that all night.” Bucky finds humor in the words; expression softening and some of the tension that had begun to rebuild in him falling away. Bucky laughs. Soft, but rich. He leans in and presses a lingering kiss to your temple; Protective and loving. “Earlier, you said you had fun… So did I. This was one of the best nights in a while for me,” The admission comes with the feel of Bucky’s lips ghosting your skin. It’s distracting.
“I’m glad; You deserve good things, too, Bucky.” Something you tend to try to remind Bucky of often; You’ll slam that fact into his head until he one day decides to believe it for himself and see what everyone else sees. “You are my good thing,” he whispers even quieter; Unintentionally dropping the tone of his voice and sending shivers down your spine.
No words are exchanged when your hands lift and find Bucky’s defined jaw; cradling him gently and drawing him in for a deep but loving kiss. The first of many tonight.
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Both you and Bucky had soon migrated from the door in the foyer to your cozy living room. You both struggled to keep space between one another; Lips meeting together over and over again. The only sound was your own heart pounding in your ears and the soft breaths between you and Bucky. 
You were planted in his lap. Sat on strong, thick thighs - your arms draped around Bucky’s broad shoulders. His hands sat comfortably on your sides; gloves abandoned on the coffee table when he’d wanted to feel you. Not leather obstructing him from feeling the proper warmth of your flushed skin. His head tipped back to accommodate the way you had gained a few inches on him upon being seated in his lap.
Despite the way you two were entangled, it was nothing more than kisses. His hands hadn’t dared to venture below your belt, and while the kisses were definitely full of passion, it wasn’t the flame you were yearning and burning for. To respect Bucky’s request though, you didn’t proceed any further. Content with the taste of Bucky on your tongue, the warmth of his breath, and the barely there noises you were able to draw out of him that rumbled in his chest. His lips were soft and moved naturally against one another - It was a moment of euphoria.
Just the way your mouths slotted together alone was enough to rile you up; It’d been so long, and no one was as tender a lover as Bucky was with you. Each time he touched you, it was with consideration and care for what you wanted, what would feel good. Never in the means of his own self-gain. It made you that much more desiring of him; the connection that you both maintained had been there for months, it was simply that you both had finally begun to act on it. 
You’d told yourself you’d be slow. Take this at your own pace. No one wants to rush into a relationship that has the potential to end messy. But there you were; Necking in your living room with Brooklyn’s finest bachelor since 1936. Truly, you were only human, and it hadn’t escalated further than that. Breathing each other in, heated and heavy. You hadn’t even done it intentionally.
One could only fault you so much when your hips rolled into Bucky’s. Formerly nestled still in his lap, you found yourself moving without thought. Grinding down into the soldier’s lap, it elicited a deep groan from his throat, and tilted his head down to pull your lips apart. His hands instinctively moved to your hips; Clutching moderately tight to still your ministrations. You relished in the subtle pressure that came with Bucky’s hands securely enough to hold you still for hardly a moment. It was enough time for you to have realized the mistake you’d made.
“Shit, I’m sorry–” you stammered between the both of you, and Bucky instead took a shallow inhale. “No, no– It… It was good. It felt good, it’s-... It’s just… been a while.” Bucky timidly expressed, cheeks flushed and breathless. You noticed how he struggled briefly to maintain a heated gaze with you, eyes averting before pinching shut altogether.
“Do we need to stop? It’s okay if we do, Bucky…” Let him know that he had that out if he needed it; You wouldn’t be upset.
That option left Bucky shaking his head profusely. “No,” he rasps out, and you can feel his breath fanning your face. Can still taste him on your lips. You’re both still so close… You can feel the faint flex of his fingers holding you. “I want to keep going… Just… Give me a moment, alright?” He requests, and you give him a comforting smile and an understanding nod.
Your fingers card up into Bucky’s disheveled locks and brush thick hair back from falling in his face. Some of the tension leaves his body when you press a chaste kiss to his temple. 
“Whatever you need,” you softly let him know. You’re both still for a minute or two. Simply letting Bucky hold your hips while you kept some of the pressure on your knees - dug into the cushions on either side of his thick thighs. Soothingly rubbing your fingers through Bucky’s hair and giving him a tender hug he relishes in.
Then, slowly, he pulls you back down. Guiding your ass back into his lap and bodies coming flush together. The moment is experimental and you allow Bucky to take all the time he needs even if there is a burning in your thighs from the awkward position. Basking in the relief with a soft sigh and nosing into Bucky’s hair. His hands experimentally dare to explore a little further down. Rubbing from your waist down over your hips to the tops of your thighs. His hands feel like that of a bear's paws in comparison to your physique. 
“How are we feeling…?” You ask, checking in on him. “A little better… I’ve been using that 4-7-8 breathing method my therapist recommended, actually,” Bucky says, and you can tell for a moment he just needs to play it by ear. Even if you both don’t do anything tonight, he’s worth the wait.
“Really? That’s good,” Indulging in the moment of chit-chat as his hands still continue the back-and-forth motion. Hypnotizing and leaving your thighs tingling.
Bucky’s reply comes in a soft hum, tilting his head down to nudge his nose at your neck. You tilt your head enough for him to burrow in the hollow of your throat and nose affectionately there. His warm breath makes your skin break out in goosebumps. You let out a shaky exhale before a sappy grin spreads across your face.
He begins to slowly mouth at the sensitive skin of your throat. Gentle kisses and the faint scratch of his stubble that initially tickles enough to make you wiggle in his lap. 
“Bucky!” You squeak and you feel the grin against your skin.
“Easy, easy…” Bucky lowly tells you and it burns into your core. It’s easy to go lax when he’s the voice coaxing you back. “Good doll,” Bucky says with a chuckle - clearly teasing but it makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside. 
“M’ticklish,” You defend as your arms squeeze around his shoulders. “I can tell. Might come in handy one day…” His lips still ghost over your skin; ever so distracting.
“You wouldn't.” “I might,” Bucky says, his voice smooth but thick like honey.
A playful pinch to Bucky’s shoulder makes him surrender with a laugh before tipping his head up to press your foreheads together again. This time you’re surprised to find his eyes meeting yours head-on.
“Thank you for being understanding,” Bucky addresses the elephant in the room, traces of anxiety in those gray eyes. “I’m still trying to learn how to let myself be with someone else…”
The words feels so raw; A hushed confession and a moment Bucky is being fully honest with you. Not hiding from it or skirting around it - communicating his boundaries and being able to give himself the time he needs. Your chest swells with pride for the man before you in his growth; You’re so inlove. 
“It’s okay, really. I’m not here just to get into your pants, Bucky. I care about you, and we can go as fast or as slow as you need.” You affirm, always wanting Bucky to know that. That he’s safe with you the way you are with him.
“I know,” he whispers, tipping his head up a little further to let your lips brush. “It’s why I like you so much…”
You smile, unable to help but feel a fluttering in your chest. Bucky draws you the rest of the way to press your lips together again. Starting from scratch so that Bucky is able to be more expecting and prepared this time. The build-up doesn’t bother you in the slightest, and it doesn’t take the both of you long to build up where you once were. Bucky’s comfortable kissing you. It’s everything else that daunts him.
Bucky is the one who holds your hips tight against his lap as he gives an experimental roll of his hips up into your ass; feeling the semi-bulge through his jeans. You gasp against his lips, and he seizes the moment to lick hot into your mouth. He doesn’t do it again; Teasing you and inviting you to take the next step. Experimentally, you return the gesture when you grind against Bucky’s lap. It draws a noise from both of you at that time.
“Yeah..,” Bucky huskily groans. “That’s good, fuck…” Bucky’s praise eggs you on to keep pressing down into Bucky. Rotating your hips to allow both of you to grind through your clothes; Traces of Bucky’s arousal evident in his jeans.
He steals your breath with a claiming kiss. Strong hands trailing up your thighs to test the waters. Feeling over the swell of your ass and encouraging you to keep pressing down into him. Rutting against his constricted and half-swelled cock. You’re unsure what to do with your hands other than planting them firmly on Bucky’s chest as you grind your sexes together. Fingers curling into bunch fabric of his shirt as Bucky’s head tilts to deepen your kiss further.
With each second that passes, you feel dizzier. High on the endorphins and lack of oxygen - your chest felt warm and fuzzy. Kissed senseless as Bucky’s firm hands squeeze the globes of your ass and rips a needy keen from your throat, drawing your grinds to a controlled halt. Right when you fear as though you might be too light-headed from the lack of air, Bucky shows some mercy. Freeing your lips and leaving you to gasp; Bucky licking his lips with a satisfied grin.
“I think I taste mint, did you pop a tic-tac earlier when I wasn’t looking…?” Bucky breathlessly teases, both of you so close that you can feel his smile. In that moment, you’re simply trying to return to Earth for a moment between soft, airy breaths. 
When you will yourself to finally look at Bucky again, his eyes are blown. His black pupils swallowing the blue of his eyes; leaving behind a thin ring. Something inside of him looks livelier than you’ve ever seen, Bucky’s cheeks flushed and lips swollen. 
“Jesus, Bucky,” is all you manage, earning a cheeky grin from Bucky - proud. “Speechless? I’m relieved to know after nearly a century I haven’t gotten rusty… It’d be embarrassing if I was 107 and didn’t know how to kiss,” Bucky jokes, and something inside of you feels so warm and fuzzy.
That you both can joke while still being in the moment and grinding into each other moments prior.
“Cocky, are we soldier?” You hum after regaining some of your composure, hands lifting to hold his face. Before Bucky has a chance to speak, the wiggle of your hips draws a reminder of the length in his jeans. Bucky chokes on a stifled groan low in his throat at the way you frott into him.
“Very funny,” he asks, still slightly out of breath.
“You took me by surprise,” you admit softly, “You never seem so brave…” “Frankly, sugar, it’s… Been a really long time. I’ve spent a too long runnin’ and not getting to actually feel alive - I’m not just surviving anymore. It’s taken time and it’ll still take more, but you make me feel better.” Bucky confesses fondly, and you snort with amusement. Pressing a loving kiss to his lips.
“Sap.” You murmur between soft pecks. “Only you could turn something hot into something sweet.” “Can’t we have both?” Bucky cooes. “Absolutely.”
This time, you take lead. Pecking kisses down from Bucky’s lips, over his stubbled cheek and defined jaw. His head tilts back to accommodate the way you nudge, leaving open-mouth kisses in your wake. Sucking the salty skin to leave behind loving bruises that will only last so long with Bucky’s healing factor. He groans; Adam’s apple bobbing when you stamp kisses back up his neck to the juncture of his ear and jaw. A soft kiss before you take a playful nip at his earlobe and send shivers racking through the man under you. “Oh, babydoll,” Bucky sighs airly, taking it upon himself to guide your hips. You move on your own accord as Bucky grinds you into his lap; Moving you back and forth to rut together through your clothes. You don’t have to do any of the work, instead just taking some time to give Bucky the loving he deserves.
When you peer at his face, his eyes are closed. Lashes kissing the tops of his cheeks and lips parted with soft breaths; the occasional clench of teeth pulls out a gravelly rumble from his chest. All of it has you so hot, so riled up. It’s just the two of you alone in the apartment; The air is charged with electricity between the two of you. The scrape of your teeth makes Bucky’s lips curl into a devious grin.
“You’re doin’ so good for me,” Bucky praises. “My pretty baby, yeah… God– Do you feel what you do to me, honey…?” Bucky’s voice was hoarse, the friction working him up just as much as it was you. The throbbing between your legs was becoming insatiable - your answer coming in a whimper as you sucked another purpling bruise into Bucky’s throat.
Your hips move enthusiastically. Trying to meet Bucky for every grind; Becoming too much for him to handle at one point. 
“Sl-Slow down, baby… Easy, we’ve got time,” he attempts to coax, but you’re busy chasing that high at that moment. You want to make Bucky feel good - this is doing that for him; Pleasing him. 
“What’s wrong, big guy?” You ask with an airy giggle, nosing up to Bucky’s ear. Your lips press against the shell of his ear; “I can’t get enough of you touching me, Bucky. I just want to make you come, thinking about it turns me on so much…”
You don’t realize until it’s too late what the words do to him, whispered out right in his ear. Bucky’s nose scrunches up and his jaw goes slack. His body becomes taut underneath you; Hands clutching hard and leaving a dull ache in your bones despite the way you’re still trying to move. Bucky’s hips stutter harshly, and suddenly he’s gasping out. Moaning low and breathy as he rides out his orgasm with half-hearted bucks up into your ass.
Your eyes widen with a sense of wonder as Bucky comes undone in those short few seconds. His lips curl into a perfect ‘o’ and he shudders, eyes pinched shut. “Ohhhh fuuuck,” Bucky moans, long and drawn out, and there’s not a hotter sight than Bucky Barnes coming because of you. You smile; Pleased with yourself and priding yourself on the fact of being able to be the one to do this to Bucky. You continue the grueling roll of your hips into his hard dick - little left to the imagination while your fingers tangle in his hair and you hold him close. Watching his face all the while; Not wanting to miss a single moment.
Bucky rides it out until he’s left with beads of sweat misting his hairline, panting with the rise and fall of his chest. Taking his time, licking his lips before seemingly becoming sheepish of how easily he’d just fallen apart. No warning; It’s been so long since he’s had another sexual partner to experience these things within a positive environment.
Your hips only stop when he’s well and done, knowing that most guys half the time are one-and-done. “That… That felt really good, m’sorry, it’s– it’s different. With, y’know, someone else… Versus alone…” Bucky manages awkwardly, and you simply draw him in for a lingering kiss. 
“I understand,” You murmur comfortingly against his lips. “You can clean up in the bathroom; I don’t have anything in your size for underwear, unfortunately, but I can find a pair of flannel bottoms that might fit…” “What about you?” Bucky asks, raising a brow. “Me?” “You.. You didn’t get to… Y’know.”
It’s oddly endearing how he worries about the fact that you weren’t able to get off the way he had. “What, we’re afraid to use adult language now?” You tease, and Bucky rolls his eyes. “M’bein’ serious. I want you to feel good…” Bucky says, rubbing your thighs soothingly. “I can get it up again if you give me a minute.” He adds, and for a moment you’re confused before placing the answer upon a super soldier refractory period.
“You’d be comfortable with that..?” You ask with a curious tilt, and Bucky bites his lips together; you can see the lingering daze in his eyes from the post-orgasm haze. “No,” he answers almost nervously. “I… Tonight has been a lot already. I don’t think I want to go there yet…” And you expect it to end there, but: “I have something else in mind, though.”
“Oh, do you now…?” you muse, curious. “Have you ever heard of mutual masturbation…?”
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You’re both sat facing one another on the couch; One of your legs tucked under your body and pants long abandoned to the floor leaving you in nothing but your underwear. You’d felt far less reluctance than Bucky had when it came to stripping down; The layers shed easily as your anticipation festered more and more to the surface. 
You’d be lying if you said you weren’t excited. You’ve known Bucky for a while now, and let’s not lie to yourself - He’s a good-looking man who can do things with a single look. The ‘Barnes Charm’ he was so popular for when he was young was still there; Showing itself in small flickers of moments from time to time. The only instances in acting on it on your behalf were in the comfort of your bedroom, alone in the sheets. No one’s business but yours. 
But now you’re there with him and no one else. No one to disturb your private moment.
Touch was something that was hard for Bucky - he’d expressed that to you when he stammered over what he’d been asking of you. That he’d rather watch one another right then.
Bucky had no problem drinking you in, either. His eyes were fixed on every movement you made - when you’d peeled your shirt off his eyes followed the expanse of glowing skin and studied it all. Every curve and slope of your body; There was no question of how enamored he was with you. It was the first time in a long time you’d felt truly seen. Someone who wasn’t just trying to get into your pants but found you breathtaking.
It was flattering; You could feel the heat in your cheeks and the way it flustered you to be looked at in awe. There was something about Bucky that made you feel perfect. He was a man that was genuine in everything he did; Not much of a people-pleaser if he doesn’t have to be. Arguably a little stubborn, actually. You knew nothing about the way he looked at you was feigned.
He chews his lip as his eyes study you. Leaned more forward from where he’s sat sideways on his half of the couch. Left hand clutching the back of the couch cushion, Bucky had that familiar bulge in his jeans (which were now unbuttoned and peeled open to show off his navy blue briefs). 
“You look so perfect, doll…” Bucky murmurs lovingly after a moment, and your heart melts in your chest.
The words felt too intimate for you to accept easily, but you didn’t want to reject the compliment either. So rather than reply verbally, you leaned back into the cushion propped up behind you and drew your right leg up; Pressed into the back of the couch. Your right leg dangles off the side of the couch and leaving you exposed to Bucky. A welcome invitation if he decides to change his mind and wants to touch you. 
Bucky breath hitches; shuddering out a slow exhale through his nose. His gaze is hungry, his hand thoughtlessly moving to his own groin to palm the returning erection.
“I’ll love you right, one of these days, sugar.” Bucky promises with a lick of his lips. “This is just fine for tonight, Bucky,” You reassure him, and his gaze racks up to your face. “Thank you again for understanding,” And the softness in his hungry eyes sends a cold desire to your core - something more intimate about that look than the one threatening to eat you whole. “Anything for you.” You tell him, meaning every word.
With that, you make a deliberate show of teasing your fingers down your chest and tummy before slinking between your legs. 
“Aww, that’s it, sugar,” Bucky hums fondly with a breathy chuckle. “Eager little thing, gonna put on a pretty show for me..?”
“Only if you promise to do the same; This is just as much for me as it is for you,” You tease affectionately, mood defiled when you trace your hole with your middle and ring finger. The pads of your fingers are cold on sensitive skin, leaving you to shiver and sigh out an airy moan.
“M’not in nearly as a rush as you are, sweetheart.” Bucky hums, and you catch the way his hand slides down to palm at his cock through his underwear. “So excited to be on display, are we?” “Just for you,” you exhale, preening at the way he looks at you while experimentally dipping the tips of your fingers into your wet and wanting hole.
“Thank God, might have to wring someone by the neck if I gotta share a sight as sweet as this...” The tone is playful and joking, but there are traces of genuine possessiveness in Bucky’s voice. The idea alone is enough to have you showing off; gathering the wetness and making a deliberate show of smearing it over glistening skin. Bucky licks his lips with a look as though he wants to eat you alive. 
Atleast it’ll give him something to look forward to for when you both do get to the point you can be physically comfortable with intimacy. You can have more than enough fun with this. 
“Mother, mary, n’ joseph…” Bucky drawls; that Brooklyn accent of his coming through thick with the rumble of his words. He relaxes back into the couch while you continue the steady stroke of teasing yourself, playing with your clit and leaving your cunt throbbing. Bucky properly slides his jeans down his thighs and bunches his briefs along with them.
The evidence of his previous orgasm smeared in his soiled briefs, his cock thick and bobbing at the cool air. Bucky hisses through his teeth before spitting into his hand and stroking himself off languidly. 
“Don’t stop, sweetheart. Keep touchin’ yourself for me, I wanna see how you like it…” the words were hummed low, squeaking a moan out of you with just the way he spoke to you alone. “Aww, did you like that, baby? Like the way I talk to you..?”
You bite your lip, swallowing back the noises and answering Bucky’s question in a profuse nod. Fingers still insistently tracing yourself to that sweet spot, you could feel the slow knot building in the pit of your tummy.
“Ah, ah, ah… If m’gonna talk, I wanna hear those sweet noises, babydoll. Sing for me,” Bucky cooes with a breathy chuckle, still fucking his fist on the length of his cock. Pre-come beading at the slit and making the tip glisten with the signs of his arousal.
“Oh, Bucky,” You wantonly mewl out, surprising yourself with how helpless you sound. Trailing your slick fingers down to press the tip of your middle finger into your weeping cunt. Experimentally pressing in, having been pent up for what felt likes ages and aching for relief.
“That’s it, baby,” Bucky’s hand begins to speed up over his aching cock; His thickness jerking in his palm whenever you make a particularly sweet noise. “Show me how you stuff that needy cunt; I wanna see how you - fuck - take care of yourself…”
You moan for Bucky; needy and high and airy. It just feeds into his own arousal as he jerks off across from you. His own groans deep and rough - Piercing gaze keeping you pinned to the couch. Unable to look away from the way Bucky’s gaze bore into you.
His eyes watch you expectantly; Waiting for you to do what he’s asked. You oblige.
Your fingers press knuckle-deep into your cunt; Experimentally thrusting into your channel and leaving your back to arch slightly off the arm of the couch.
“Oh,” you mewl out, fingers driving into your hole, stretching your tightness and leaving your arousal to spill out. 
Bucky jerks his thick cock, hand sliding easily and the ministration made easier by the pre-come that spills over his fist. He shifts his hips, licking his lips and grinning at the way you fuck yourself open.
“Look at you, such a pretty baby,” Bucky breathes low between pants for air. “If I didn’t know any better I’d have thought you – mmh, god - were waitin’ for this. So eager to get that hole wet…”
The way Bucky talks to you makes your chest flutter. Your face feels hot, gasping as it drives the way you fuck your hole. Watching the up-stroke on Bucky’s cock - imagining the length sliding home into you and whimpering at the thought. Your eyes screw shut, the room filled with the slick sounds of your fingers in your hole.
“Oh no, babydoll, open those pretty eyes. I want you to watch me,” Bucky demands, and your eyes open on command. “Yeah, that’s it… Good baby, see this?” Bucky stops the stroking of his dick to let his fingers wrap around the girth and give a little tap of the tip to his thigh. Showing off the girth and his thick balls.
“Yeah, yeah this is all for you, honey. M’so hard for you, all for you…” The rumble of his voice was soothing as it was arousing.
“Bu-Bucky,” you squeak past trembling lips. Thighs softly quaking — Bucky’s words could get you off alone. Who knew he was such a filthy talker?
“I’m right here, sugar. ‘S okay, make yourself feel good. Don’t gotta hold back for nothin’, show me, pretty thing. I wanna see it all…” It’s permission if you’ve ever heard it, and suddenly at that moment, you realize how dependent Bucky’s say was over your building orgasm. As if your body knew it was waiting on his approval before you could let yourself come undone. 
Your legs draw up to clench your thighs – Stopping yourself when you remember Bucky’s eyes are still fixed upon your flushed body. Watching the hypnotizing display of the quick work you made fingering your needy cunt while he relished int he display. Stroking his cock languidly before building up a pace that matched your own; Wanting to follow your arousal with you. 
Just because you both weren’t touching doesn’t mean he couldn’t work with you.
It doesn’t take much; Not that it surprises you. You’d been pent up from the previous grinding into one another; hot and bothered by kisses that gave you a hint of what more could be like. 
While your one hand is busy playing with your nub, your free hand smooths up to ruck up your shirt. Bucky’s dilated eyes light up even more when your hand moves under your top; Rolling a nipple between your fingers and drawing even more whorish noise from your swollen lips.
Bucky downright growls, hips arching subtly off the couch as he fucks up into his fist.
“Fuck, you like to play with your nipples, baby? Aww, bet you’re so sensitive… Mm, fuck, yea… M’gonna love gettin’ my hands on you when we’re ready. Gonna learn every nook n’ cranny of you; Wanna worship that pretty body of yours.”
He keeps talking like that; each word straight to your aching core and leaving you soaked. Bucky picks up on it in the way you get louder — noisier.
“You like that? Of course you do — who knew you were so fuckin’ filthy, sugar? Aw, m’gonna come, baby,” Bucky’s voice even until it begins to find a sense of urgency towards the end. A sharp breath from him, both of your hands moving while you watch one another. Pleasuring yourselves and being your most intimate selves; On display for one another.
Your jaw is slack, gasping and moaning out pitiful squeaks while you touch yourself. Bucky’s hand moves smoothly over his arousal, the sound of skin on skin as he jerks himself off.
“Oh, oh fuck, please, I-I’m gonna come, Bucky,” you cry out, and Bucky thumbs at the tip of his cock; wrist twisting towards the head. 
“Come for me, baby. C-Cream all over your pretty fingers — come for me, come for me,” Bucky’s words drive you over the edge.
Your walls flutter emptily; begging to be filled as you come undone under your fingers. It’s cloud nine, riding out your high on your familiar fingers. Thighs trembling and soaked with your wetness, hips canting up into nothing as you finish on your fingers. Gasping and squealing out until you’re reduced to pathetic whimpers.
Bucky watches you all the while. Fucking his fist and growling out through his bared teeth when you come. Reaching his own orgasm and painting his fist in thick stripes of creamy white that you want to lick clean. He pants, face flushed as his cock spills his heavy load. Staining the denim of his jeans and leaving a mess (though he’s careful of the couch). 
You both slump into the couch, still facing one another when the high has passed. Panting for air, the smell of sex and sweat heavy in the air. You’re the one to break the quiet with an airy giggle, which Bucky grinds widely in response to.
“Are you alright, honey..?” Bucky asks curiously, his own voice hoarse and quiet. “Perfect. How’s about a shower…? You’ve already seen me from the stomach down, I’ve already seen your dick. That’s practically all we have. Nothing to hide,” you offer with a roughness to your own voice, swallowing thickly. You smile, still lingering in the soft air of the post-orgasmic haze.
“Sounds perfect, baby. I’ll go get the shower runnin’, okay?” Bucky offers, tucking his mess back into his underwear (he won’t be wearing them much longer anyways). Scooting forward, he uses his clean hand to cup the back of your head and press a gentle kiss to your temple. 
You nod with a soft, ‘mhm’. Enjoying the settling moment's peace and serenity despite the cooling wetness coating your thighs. Moving will be awful but it was well worth it.
Bucky certainly leaves an impression. Kicking off the evening with flowers and a ride to the art museum, strolling the halls lovingly with him while partaking in art, only to come back to your apartment and masturbate together. Bucky might be more full of surprises than you thought. You couldn’t be more excited.
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xxsabitoxx · 5 months
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Pale Blue [2] No Context Teaser Suguru Edition
A/N: taking a little break from my finals just to share this cause I miss writing Pale Blue and physically cannot wait for this week to be over.
Pairing is Geto Suguru x Pregnant Reader
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“She will be the last client for this year, please let any new potential clients know that I will not be able to meet with them until after the new year.” 
She nodded quickly before departing, leaving Suguru alone again as he reached for the paperwork he set down. “What a kind heart you have, papa Geto.” Suguru hadn’t even been able to read the next sentence, laughing softly at Mimiko’s comment. The brunette girl was kicking her feet, coloring intently beside her sister on the plush rug Suguru had put in just for them. “It’s important to help people in need, you know. She seemed like she could really use it.” He smiled fondly at the two sisters, listening to Nanako hum softly as she scribbled onto the page. 
“I guess you’re right.” 
“You guess I’m right?” 
Mimiko nodded, stopping her coloring to look up at Suguru behind his desk. “Yeah, I mean you really don’t need to help anyone. But you choose to do so even when you don’t have to. You have a kind heart, papa Geto.” The small girl repeated her initial statement, smiling softly as Suguru’s expression morphed into one of genuine surprise. He couldn’t bring himself to say anything, watching her small head turn back to the paper she was drawing on, starting to hum along with the tune Nanako had set. Suguru sat there, wondering how a child could think of such things. 
He saw himself as anything but kind-hearted at this point in his life. But still, he didn’t have the heart to say those things, especially not to a six year old. Suguru had barely reached for his paperwork again when your face crossed his mind, making him freeze once more. You had been a constant thought in his mind since the day he left. Not even an hour had gone by where you didn’t consume his thoughts, knocking the air from his lungs and paralyzing him for a moment. He missed you. Fuck he missed you terribly and it was enough to render him utterly immobile at points. 
Slowly, he forced air back in his lungs, your smile leaving a permanent mark engraved in his mind. He didn’t regret anything he did up until this point, well maybe except for one particular thing. He didn’t take you with him the day he left. He knew he loved you too much to force you into this kind of life, he needed it to be a choice you made out of your own free will. Something cheesy about loving someone meant setting them free when the time came had crossed his mind when leaving you that letter. Leaving it on the bed he once called his own, so long as you were in it, it was his. 
But still, the choice to leave it all up to your own free will did nothing to fill the void beside him each night. How desperately he wished you were laying beside him, curled perfectly into his embrace, face snuggled into the crook of his neck. Your natural musk mixing with your perfume, your hair tickling his hands as he held you tight, your chest rising and falling evenly as you slept. He ached to hold you again, finding it hard to fall asleep each night in your absence. But he had made this choice, he had to own it, even if that meant you weren’t a part of his life right now. 
“But he knew, deep down, that it was only temporary; you'd come back to him.”
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enhaheeseung · 6 months
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Come back to me - L.HS
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Pairing: heeseung X fem reader!
Warnings: cursing, crying, angst, divorce, alcohol.
WC: 3,720k
Part two
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Heeseung was sat on the floor until morning, your wedding ring still in hand, while he blankly stared out the window, every event of the last eight months playing through his head.
He doesn’t know when it exactly happened, but he for sure knew why it happened.
The first night he went out with his co-workers, it was just for one simple drink, nothing more. He thought some company outside of work might be nice, so when he was invited to the bar downtown, he went.
You’d think, being a mature and married man, he wouldn’t be so easily influenced, but one drink after the other, and he started loosening up a bit, and after his co-workers made one too many dodgy comments about their wives, he decided to join in at first it was just a simple complaint about you “nagging” him about not putting his belongings away but the longer the conversation went on the more in-depth it got Jake would talk about his wife in more than unsavory ways which initially made heeseung uncomfortable, but since he wanted to hang with the new friend group, of course, he had to one-up then telling the guys about every little detail that “bothered” him even though he didn’t really feel that way he just said those things to fit in but the more he went to the bar after work the more those things suddenly became true instead of being repulsed by jays complaints about his wife he got used to it even laughing about it and adding in his own stories here and there.
Needless to say, when he came home from the bar, so did his attitude, and that’s when the change happened. He felt so stupid for trying to fit in where he didn’t. He feels like a complete jerk for treating you like you were less than human, and he wishes he could go back to the days when he wasn’t treating you like garbage.
At least Jay and Jake still communicated with their wives, and at least they were still happily married, but heeseung just had to take it a step further, and instead of it becoming nightly complaints at the bar, he took it home and just kept going and going until he was where he is at right now on the floor crying his eyes out cause he wanted to fit in, cause he wanted something new to talk about at the bar something that would get a laugh out of his friends and now thinking back on it he felt so stupid cause he gave up the love of his life just for a few chuckles and drinks after work.
The alarm clock going off is what finally broke him out of his heartbroken daze. He sniffles softly, eyes burning from staying up and crying all night.
He used every last ounce of strength in his legs to get up and turn off the alarm.
He didn’t even bother cleaning up before work. He went in, hair messy, eyes puffy, and suit wrinkled.
The day was a complete blur. Everything he did was almost robotic. There wasn’t any other thought in his mind besides you all day, just you, only you.
“You look like shit” Jake chuckles at his friend's crappy-looking appearance.
“Thanks,” he grumbled, glaring at Jake with eyes that could kill.
“Woah, man, my bad!” He pats heeseung’s shoulder. “Anyways you up for a round of drinks tonight? I’m buying.”
Heeseung thought about it for a moment and ultimately decided drinks would be the best thing for him. He wanted to get so fucking drunk that he’d black out cause maybe that way he’d see you in his dreams, and maybe in his dreams, you would both still be together. “Sure.” he shuts his eyes tightly, breathing a shaky sigh while he tries to appear to be okay.
“You sure dude? We can always cancel.” heeseung shakes his head back and forth.
“I’m good.” he tries his hardest to smile, but his lips don’t even begin to curve up. If anything, his frown deepens.
“Whatever you say, hee see you tonight,” Jake shrugs, going back to his cubicle to get some work done.
-
“You sure you good?” Jake asks.
“Just,” heeseung sighs deeply. “Just my wife, we’re not on good terms right now.” he knew that you guys were on more than just bad terms. Hell, you were divorcing him, but he was in denial cause, in his mind, you were both gonna buy a house, have kids, and grow old together, not get divorced after just a couple years of marriage.
“That’s a good thing, my friend,” Jay replies, thinking it’s just the same old same old.
“Not this time. I uhh, I don’t know..” he rubs his temples, a lump forming in his throat as he downed a shot.
“What is it? You can tell us your secrets are safe with us. You know that.” Jake nods, understanding the situation is a bit different than all the other times they gathered to talk about their significant other.
“Fuck” heeseung drops his head low, avoiding eye contact so they wouldn’t notice his bloodshot eyes and broken features. “She wants a divorce,” he whispers shakily as he buries his head into his arms.
Jay and Jake exchange shocked glances at each other, trying to find the right words to say to the shocking news. “I’m sorry, why so suddenly? I know you both had your little scuffles here and there, but not enough for a divorce,” Jake reasons.
“It’s not sudden.” heeseung lifts his head up, face red with snot running from his nose and tears leaking from his puffy eyes. “I fucked up” he hits his head against his palm, repeatedly beating himself up for ruining what used to be the perfect marriage. “I’ve been fucking up.”
“Woah, hey hey,” Jay grabs his wrists stopping him from hitting himself anymore. “I’m sure she was just upset. Maybe go home and talk things out with her.”
“I can’t,” he chokes out. “S-she’s gone, guys, she’s gone, and I-i- I don’t know what to do. I miss her, and I love her so much I can’t lose her.” he breaks down like a newborn baby, crying in front of his co-workers and every person in the bar without a care in the world.
“I think we should call it a night. I’ll drive you home, and we’ll pick up your car before work in the morning,” Jake consoles as he gets up from the table, and Jay follows soon after.
“O-okay, sorry f-for ruining the evening,” heeseung hiccuped, all the shots finally making their way to his system before he left. He takes the whole bottle off the table and throws down however much money he has left in his pocket.
“Hey, it’s no problem,” Jay assures.
Once they make it outside, Jay assists Jake as they move heeseung to the passenger seat, buckling him in.
The whole ride home, heeseung was a complete mess, crying hysterically. Jake was almost scared that he might pass out from crying so hard, so he stepped on the gas to get his friend home sooner.
“Y/n, please come back to me,” he mumbled, halfway asleep, tears staining his cheeks as Jake pulled into the driveway.
“Come on, big guy.” Jay had gone his separate ways, and now carrying heeseung up to his house was like carrying dead weight with how intoxicated he was from drinking the whole ride there. “Here you go,” Jake whispers after laying him down on his bed. “Get some rest. See you at work tomorrow.” Jake smiled sadly. Sure, they all had their little nights out of talking about their wives, but he knew deep down heeseung still loved you, and to see him like this wasn’t the easiest thing to deal with in the world, and Jake made a mental note to stop saying such negative things about his wife, and when he went home, he was going to shower her in love before he wound up in a situation like heeseung.
-
“Hey, mama’s.” it was currently the next morning, and heeseung was on his lunch break, finally somewhat over his hangover as he talked to your mom on the phone.
“Heeseung? Oh, hello sweetheart, it’s so nice to hear your voice,” he smiles, feeling the same way it’s been a while since he visited your parents.
“You too, it’s been some time,” she hums in agreement.
“It sure has” heeseung feels his heart drop cause if it wasn’t for him being a total fucking dick, he would have made it to last year's Thanksgiving dinner, but no, because you and him got into a fight prior, and he wasn’t man enough to apologize so he let you go to sleep angry at him, and the next day you were already out of town by the time he woke.
He swallows down the lump in his throat and makes a promise that he doesn’t even know if he could keep given his relationship status with you right now. “I’ll come over soon, I promise.”
“That would be lovely. My husband has been wanting to catch up with you, too.”
“Has he? I’ll for sure come soon, okay mama’s? Hey, could I ask you a question?” He bites on his lip nervously as he checks his watch to see how much time he has left on break.
“Of course, my dear,” she says sweetly.
“So me and y/n had a little fight the other day, and she left, so I’m assuming she came to stay with you?” He knows how bad it sounds that he didn’t even know his own wife's whereabouts, but at this point, he didn’t have much time to beat around the bush.
“Yes,” she sighs, remembering your hurt, tear-stained face as she walks in. “Yes, she did.” heeseung was half sad, half happy, sad because you were gone, and happy because at least you were somewhere safe and his heart could be put to ease. “Only for a while, though, then she went to sunghoons house so she wouldn’t be a nuisance. I told her she could stay until you guys worked things out, but she decided it would be best to leave, so I let her.”
Anything that came after the name sunghoon heeseung had nearly tuned all the way out because why were you over there? Why did you go to another man when he was at home waiting for you?
Before he could think of anything else that made his blood boil, his timer on his watch went off, indicating his break was over. “Ok, thank you so much, mama’s. My lunch is up so I have to go now, but I’ll see you soon. Tell pop’s I said hi.”
“Will do, oh, I can’t wait to see you! Have a good shift, my sweet boy, and keep me updated on you and y/n. She didn’t wanna tell me anything, but I’m hoping you two will figure this out. I’m sure it’s all just a misunderstanding.”
“Hey, don’t worry, we’ll talk things out. We always do,” he says bye one last time and hangs up the phone once the conversation is concluded.
-
“That’s everything,” Sunghoon, one of your old friends, says as he helps you put up the final touches in your new room, aka his spare room.
“Thank you so much for everything,” you thanked him sincerely. You don’t know where you’d be without him right now.
“It’s no problem. You know I have your back since we were little.” he pulls you into a side hug, messing up your hair like he used to do when you were kids before releasing you from his tough grip.
“Hoon,” you grumbled, and he just laughed at your pouty face.
“Get some sleep, yeah? You look exhausted,” he pouted. He knew you were going through it right now. The day you came to him with suitcases and red puffy eyes, he already knew what happened, but when he grew to know the details, oh, how he wanted to rip heeseung’s dick off and shove it down his own throat before punching him to a pulp maybe that was extreme but he was fucking furious at your husband the heeseung he saw at your guys wedding would have never done some bullshit like that so what the fuck has changed?
“You’re right.” you nod, a half smile making its way to your lips.
“Goodnight, y/n. Hope you feel better soon,” he pats your back softly. “I’ll be at work early in the morning, so sleep in, and then later, maybe we can go out and get some groceries or something.”
“Yeah,” you say, barely above a whisper. “Night hoon.” You closed the door once he left and laid down on your mattress or the mattress that Sunghoon bought you. You were so grateful for a friend like him.
You didn’t want to burden your parents even though they would have happily let you stay.
You just felt like in your state and conditioned, it’d be hard to let them see you so broken it was hard to come to Sunghoon in your state as well, but it was less of a blow than seeing your mother's worried face every single morning.
You couldn’t even tell her exactly what happened between you and heeseung because you knew it’d break her poor old heart knowing that her son-in-law turned out to be the biggest piece of shit on the planet.
You simply told her you guys needed a bit of a break, and that was all. How could you tell her about heeseung’s reckless behavior? How could you tell her he’d been neglecting you? How could you tell her that you two were getting a divorce?
That would be a bridge that you’d maybe be able to cross after the fact of finalizing everything, but right now, you couldn’t deliver a gut-wrenching blow like that, especially cause your parents thought heeseung was perfect for you.
Sighing to yourself, you turn off the lights, struggling to go to sleep without your husband or ex-husband holding you close to his chest. The bed felt so cold and empty without him, but that would just have to become a thing of the past because the reality is he was not and was never going to be again.
The thought broke you into tiny little pieces, but what could you do? You were just a victim of another abusive marriage that ended in divorce because your husband didn’t care, and he loved going to the bar and his friends more than he loved you.
It was a hard pill to swallow and a tough reality check, but nevertheless, it was your life.
-
Heeseung clears his throat for the thousandth time while he stands outside of sunghoons door.
The amount of days it took to build up the courage to finally come to see you was embarrassing for him, but he finally stopped being a coward and came to apologize, and hopefully, at the end of it, you’d be coming back home with him so you could both happily sleep in the same bed again.
“Y/n, I’m sorry for the past few months. I just ugh.” he shook his head, not liking the way what he prepared was sounding out loud. “Y/n, I know I hurt you- fuck” he shook off his nerves a little bit, but not even that worked. “Y/n-“ he couldn’t even say your name out loud without feeling like he was going to cry. He missed you so much. The house was unbearably quiet. Your scent had disappeared days ago even though he hadn’t washed the bedsheets or your pillowcase since you left, and the hardest part was not being able to feel you cuddling up to him in the chilly mornings. It was so cold without you, so empty. His life felt meaningless without you there, and on top of all that, everything was his fault from start to finish. He made his bed. He knew that much, but he prayed he wouldn’t have to lay in it.
He pushed all his previous apology rehearsals behind him. He was going to just tell you how he felt even if his brain was scattered and his thoughts weren’t put together. He was going to give you his real raw emotion because that’s what you deserved, and it’s the least he could give you.
He took a deep breath before knocking on your door, or your friend's door, and the name Sunghoon almost made him roll his eyes, not cause he was a bad guy. No, sunghoon was a fucking great guy, and that’s what bothers heeseung. He was fucking jealous cause his little y/n was with another man that had him beat in every department by miles. He wasn’t one to compare, but it’s hard not to notice those things when he treated you the way he did heeseung turned into a piece shit, and he knew it, but what didn’t help the fact was that he knew Sunghoon could treat you better and that’s what he was scared of heeseung knew it was selfish but he wanted you for himself even if you were better off with someone one else.
When the door opened and revealed a very handsome, tall Sunghoon, Heeseung immediately shrunk back. He felt so small and insignificant, especially with the cold glare coming from sunghoons eyes. “Y/n’s not here,” he says without a single hello which hurt heeseung like heck 'cause they used to be pretty damn close, but apparently, he managed to fuck that up too.
“O-oh,” he gulped, eyes trained on his feet. “W-when wi-will” he was so nervous he could barely even breathe, let alone form a proper sentence.
“Don’t know, is there anything else you need? I’m busy.” heeseung looked up, finally meeting sunghoons gaze.
“Could I maybe t-talk to you? I’m sure y/n already told you, but-“Sunghoon opened the door fully, and heeseung entered the home looking like a dejected little boy.
Sunghoon led him to his room just in case you came home soon. He didn’t want you seeing heeseung there in case it made you uncomfortable.
“Your place is nice.” heeseung took a seat on the chair by his desk, the roses he bought for you still clutched tightly in his sweaty palm.
“Thanks,” Sunghoon mutters and takes a seat on his bed, angry but still interested in the other side of the story cause he wants to know what turned heeseung into the man you told him about.
“First, I’m sorry for hurting y/n. I know she’s your best friend, and I know this is probably just as hard for you as her,” he sighed, lowering his head in shame, but he couldn’t be a coward now, so he picked his head up staring at sunghoon with the most intense gaze he could muster. “There’s no excuse for the way I treated her these past months. I’m just a terrible fucking person,” he chuckles pathetically at himself. “I did stupid things, and saying it out loud sounds so fucking ridiculous, but I got around the wrong crowd, and what was supposed to be jokes about our annoying wives soon turned into my reality, going to the bar and hanging out with other married men you know letting the steam off or so I thought” he taps his leg a nervous habit that never seemed to go away until he met you, but he sees it’s making a little comeback. “Only that same attitude followed me home, and next thing you know, we’re getting into fights, not talking for days on end, but that didn’t stop me. It just gave me more shit to talk about the next day at the bar, and apparently, a few laughs and drinks were better than my own wife” he doesn’t even know when he started crying, but he did, and he didn’t even try to hide it. “At the end of the day, I was always sorry, but I never told her that,” he sniffles. “I love her. That woman is my life, and if she’d give me just one more chance, I’d never fuck it up ever agai-“
Heeseung looked like he had just seen a ghost. sunghoon was waiting for him to continue, but he never did. The sight of your sleepwear on your friend's bed was enough to leave him speechless he felt anger, jealousy hurt sadness all at once, but he couldn’t blame anyone but himself, and now he felt so fucking stupid for thinking he even had a chance with you again he sat there like a fool up all night thinking of words to say to you to show you he still loved you meanwhile you had already moved on and were making love to another man.
He smiles at Sunghoon softly despite his heart being shattered. “Here, give these to her. These are her absolute favorite.” he pats Sunghoon on his shoulder while the younger man just stares at him, bewildered by his sudden change in demeanor.
Heeseung felt horrible now, but knowing you were with somebody better made his heart feel at ease. sunghoon was a great man. heeseung knew you’d be safe, loved, and happy with your childhood best friend, and that made him happy even if he wasn’t the man behind all your laughs and beautiful smiles. “Protect that woman with your life, and don’t ever take her for granted.”
Heeseung let himself out in a matter of seconds, the air finally circulating in his lungs the moment he stepped outside on the porch.
He took a deep, shaky breath before the tears started to fall, yet again, he quickly got inside his car and drove home.
Once he made it safely, he went straight to the bedroom to willingly put his signature on the divorce papers. He was happy you wouldn’t have to be tied to someone like him anymore cause you deserve so much more.
A few tear drops fell, wetting the papers, but he had already signed and made his decision with the understanding that you’d never come back to him.
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mickyschumacher · 7 months
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NGL I LOVE UR WORK... ive been hopping thru ur m.list since the last hour.... its currently 1 am and i have an essay to finish before 8 am(im sure my prof will give me more time ik dey love me) anywasy i was wondering if u could do an enemies to lovers with Lewis((like really hated eachother)the reader could be a driver its oky don mind what she does) and then they were arguing abt sumting lewis says something thats completely out of the line and she starts crying in front him then he just kinda leaves her be, a few days later he would go on then apologize to her abt wat he said and then more fluff. (just ignore this if ur not into it or not takin a request at the moment. but im actually just hapi i kind of got the courage to ask u for a request also ur stories are soooo good i admire and envy u at the same time.)
𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐋𝐄𝐅𝐓 𝐌𝐄  .ೃ࿐
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𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘: as lewis's former teammate, there are lines that shouldn't be crossed. but a bad move from lewis puts him completely out of line.
𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: enemies to lovers trope!, poor humour, some fluff, in depth moment of an alternated 2021 wdc (apologies in advance), therefore ANGST, bad race jargon, horner and masi discussed :(, mention of intermittent explosive disorder, misogyny, allusion to racism (not from the reader ofc!), shitting on the fia for a bit, lewis kinda being a dick for probably an unfair reason lol, a proclamation of feelings from sir lewis himself
𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: lewis hamilton x red bull!driver!fem!reader
𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓: 3k+
𝐀/𝐍: you're too sweet to me! 🤧 i couldn't tell if you wanted this to be romantic but i went that way in the end! hope this was good! ♡︎ very very loosely based of swift's 'right where you left me'. but if you argued it wasn't, i would be inclined to agree. proof-read...ish?
𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓
⋆  •°.  。  .°•  ⋆
No one ever truly understood your move to Red Bull. It was in 2019, far from when Max was practically living on pole, so Red Bull wasn't exactly a threat to Mercedes, your previous team. Toto had even put a three-year extension on the table several months before your contract came close to expiring.
Yet you had chosen to sign with the devil.
When the commentators, journalists, and fans took a closer look at your decision, the only thing they could all collectively agree on was that you had moved to Red Bull because of Lewis Hamilton. Because you both couldn't keep your differences aside and Lewis had finally struck your last nerve.
While you weren't quite sure about the last part, the first was true. You had Lewis had never ever exactly met eye-to-eye. Every F1 driver had a specific style of driving. You liked to call Lewis' the 'calm before the storm'. He raced with a composure and maturity that most drivers did not hold. He was particularly calculative and the everyone loved him.
You, on the other hand, had given yourself a new nickname along side 'Flash 13' because you did everything in a flash: you overtook ruthlessly and calculated, you pushed the car till it was undrivable, and you were decisive to the very nanosecond. But you had also garnered yourself the name 'IED', after the behavioural disorder.
In part this nickname was due to the misogyny you faced as the only current female driver in F1 but also due to the sheer anger that bursted out of you whenever you encountered Lewis.
The amount of warnings Toto had given the both of you was simply endless. He had even resorted to putting you two with the team therapist.
The source of your hatred for each other was as clear as day. You hated Lewis' arrogance because somehow it was even worse than Rosberg, Alonso, Räikkönen, and Verstappen. And Lewis hated you for your 'perspective'. You didn't know what he initially meant by that but you regretted asking him. He said you needed to be stronger to be in F1 and that you were far too soft-hearted. Right after you had gotten your first ever pole.
It was ridiculous, to say the least.
No F1 driver was soft-hearted. You were all, simply put, a bunch of dicks. Not literally, of course. Naturally, following that comment, Lewis had pissed you off. He hadn't even had a second to know you before even making that judgement. It was ironic as well, considering your nickname that labelled your anger.
After watching Lewis win several championship titles with you following multiple places behind and seeing you only get angrier with each other, you had decided to call it quits for Mercedes. If people were going to take your annoyance and frustrations with amusement, you were going to head to the angriest team of all and leave your former team fuming.
Two years later, in 2021, you had finally gotten the perfect opportunity.
You hadn't really a clue how exactly Red Bull had made the 2021 car so well that you were matching the speed of Mercedes' car but you didn't care. You were matching Lewis. And Christian Horner was a happy man. A sexist prick but a happy man nonetheless.
Pole was either Lewis' or yours. Either he was a Grand Prix winner or you were. It was a game of cat and mouse, always in a constant pursuit of each other. The same went from your team leaders, Toto and Christian, who practically had the race director, Masi, on speed dial.
And by Abu Dhabi, you were equally tied, locked at 369.5 points. It hadn't been easy after getting penalised for multiple incidents against Lewis, but you were here. Lewis was trying to get his eighth championship and you your first.
You weren't sure how this was going to end. Heck, no one could've predicted what happened that day. But all you knew was that you were not going down without a fight.
You secured pole in Abu Dhabi which had put the entirety of Mercedes and F1 on edge. After a discussion with your engineer and several strategists, you had opted for soft tyres to further your advantage over Lewis.
Despite all of that, it was Lewis who had led the first corner after those red lights had gone out. It was only by turn six did you even get a lead. But it was a moment too short as your former teammate regained his top position by going off into the damn run-off area of the track.
You didn't need to scream in annoyance. You couldn't hear Horner, but deep down you knew he had already called up Masi, demanding an investigation. Your engineer reported to you that the stewards had dismissed it. The gap between you and Lewis was getting bigger, the race was coming to and end, and you knew you needed a miracle towards the end of the race if you wanted to win.
And that miracle was called Nicholas Latifi. The poor guy had crashed into Mick and the safety car was out on the tracks. Thankfully, they were both okay, but the timing of it was simply impeccable.
You had pitted to get new soft tyres and Mercedes was on the fence about heading to the pit lane in fear of the race restarting. So Lewis didn't pit. Miracle 2.
You re-joined the track with five lapped cars in between you and Lewis. And soon enough, Race Control had given the dooming message: lapped cars were not allowed to overtake.
The taste in your mouth was bitter. You had cussed out Horner, asking why you were even seeing these lapped cars in front of you.
Then came Race Control again: only the five cars in between you and Lewis were allowed to overtake. Miracle 3.
But of course, F1 had a flair for the dramatics. Because you were fucking restarting. Putting you and Lewis on a tight show-down for the final lap.
The bad news? Lewis hadn't pitted yet.
The good news? You could overtake Lewis. Miracle 4.
And the headline? You won.
You fucking won.
You were F1's first female champion in history.
You made history... or, well, herstory?
Yes it was controversial. Yes it was dramatic. Yes, questionable decisions had been made.
But you won.
By the time you had gotten out of your car and finished with screaming and crying in pure happiness, you had finally caught a glimpse of Lewis.
A small part of you felt bad. You knew for a fact, that these decisions weren't 'human error' as the FIA would go on to claim the following year in Bahrain.
It was entertainment. It was business. It was money.
You had both worked so hard this year. But the fight between an F1 driver breaking the record for the most championship titles and the first possible female champion in F1 was too good to resist.
Things between you and Lewis after Abu Dhabi hadn't gotten worse. You just talked far less than you normally did. You barely argued with each other anymore. It was disconcerting to say the least. Especially now that you were struggling to match Max's pace, always coming second or third as per the instructions of your engineer. For a moment you thought, what was the point of winning if you weren't going to win again?
━━━━━━━━━━━
You were still determined. Beating your own teammate would be hard. But you weren't a stranger to the idea. You had spent years trying to beat Lewis while purposely being the support for him to win. They were two actions they didn't go together but it had happened.
That being said, the venture was proving to be more difficult than you anticipated. In fact, it had caused a full collision with Lewis in the first lap of the Qatar Grand Prix.
You were so focused on beating Max you hadn't taken a second to look around you.
"What the fuck was that?" Lewis' voice invaded the air as he barged into your driver's room, ridden with sweat and still in his racing gear.
"Look, I'm sorry okay. I didn't see you. It was my fault. End of story," You told him curtly, not really wanting talk to Lewis any further.
"Damn right, you didn't see me. You could've taken me or anyone out! Are you so fucking stuck up your ass that you couldn't see me?" Lewis asked incredulously.
You scoffed at his accusation. It was true. But you didn't like when the truth fell from his lips... especially not when they sounded like that.
"Lewis, drop it. No one got hurt. Let's just move on okay?" You queried, annoyance dripping from your voice.
"Why? Can't handle the truth, L/N?" He laughed gently, almost mocking you. "Right... you were always like that."
You snapped your head towards him, raising a sharp brow. "Excuse me?" You spat as if to say he was becoming dangerously close to crossing a line he did not want to cross.
Lewis folded his arms, shrugging nonchalantly. "What? You don't like the truth. It's simple. I told you that you need to be stronger because you're too soft-hearted. And you hated that. And now that I'm telling you that you're selfish, you obviously can't handle it."
"Oh my God, you are one to talk. Lewis, you are so blinded by your arrogance that you can't see anyone else win. That's why you can't accept that I won right?"
"Not Abu Dhabi, aga–"
"Yes, Lewis, Abu Dhabi again. You are so fucking sour about losing that even when the hate targeted me, you let it. You let them say that my win was due to race and gender. Me, Lewis, out of all people, me."
No matter your differences, you had stuck up for Lewis on many accounts when it came to the FIA, 'fans', and haters. But he wasn't there for you.
You could see dark expression fall onto Lewis' face. "That's not true, Y/N."
"Then what was it Lewis?" You flailed your hands in exasperation. "Because you sure as hell didn't come to my aid."
"Because you didn't deserve it!"
You blinked blankly, arms falling to your side. Your mind took a minute to process the words that had fallen from his lips in mere seconds.
Lewis' face dropped as realisation struck him. What the fuck did he just say? "Y/N, I–"
"Get out," You grumbled.
Lewis did a double-take on the fresh line of tears accumulating on your waterline. He took a step closer to you, hands reaching out. "No, no, no, Y/N, I–" But your words made him stop.
"Lewis, get the fuck out of here before I start screaming like the bitch everyone thinks I am."
You watched Lewis return his hands to the side, clenching his jaw tightly as he made way to the door of your room. He stopped briefly, hesitating to open the door, taking one last glance at you before leaving.
━━━━━━━━━━━
Four days.
You had pondered in deep thought for four days. And after 72 hours, one thing had become obvious to you.
Lewis wasn't with you or any of the other drivers. He was still in 2021, right where you had left him. Not a second had gone by for Lewis where he hadn't thought about Abu Dhabi.
What if he had just pushed for Bono and Toto to get him in that pit lane?
What if he had veered the car a little to the side and you didn't overtake him?
Lewis was still reliving the worst moment of his career and his life and everyone had moved on. Sure, every fan and commentator talked about it time to time. But it was something of the past.
To say you didn't deserve your championship title... you had heard it from several 'fans' and insignificant others. But to hear it from Lewis? It fucking killed you.
You cared about his opinion more than anyone in the world. And he knew that.
You would've never said anything as shitty as that to him or anyone for that matter.
You had worked your ass off to get to F1. Fuck, you had won F2 two fucking times because no one was willing to let a girl on their team... into a man's sport. Every driver worked hard to a certain degree. But you were a girl who didn't grow up with the means of driving yourself to your death every day. If everyone worked hard, you had worked ten times harder.
Everyone knew that you and Lewis had fought. And by the looks of it, they also knew it was far worse than your normal fights. You wouldn't look at him, you refused to speak to him, you spent minimal time in the same room, you had even paid your media fines in full to avoid everyone...
Max had even become some sort of bodyguard, telling Lewis to turn back around when he neared the Red Bull garage.
All of this protection, and yet, he had still found you in your favourite place. The one you both came to when you needed to become level-headed. The top stand of any empty Grand Prix, in this case the México Grand Prix, where the air felt a little bit cooler against your heated skin and you could think for even it was for just a second.
You sucked in a sharp breath, seeing Lewis in your periphery while you were firmly seated. He looked nervous, chewing on his bottom lip and taking cautious glances at you.
"Hey," Lewis greeted, making you raise a brow at his lame entrance.
You forced yourself to look at the rest of the empty seats in front of you. "Hey," You mumbled back, trying to swallow the bitter taste in your mouth.
An unsettling silence enveloped the both of you. You were sure Lewis was here to apologise. But you could also tell he just couldn't bring himself to do it. Not in a selfish way. But in the most guiltiest way possible.
You sighed. "How are you?" You asked gently, peeking out of the corner of your eye.
Lewis winced at your question. Leave it up to you to still be this kind after what he had said to you. "Sorry. I'm so so sorry," He rasped, voice raw with the pain that had been gnawing away at him ever since those god forbidden words had left his mouth.
You nodded slowly, taking another deep breath. "I know you're going to call me soft-hearted but what you said really fucking hurt, Lew," You jested with a brief smile.
Lewis grimaced at your poor humour, before his ears perked up at the old nickname you had given him when you first started getting on each other's nerves. "I know. I'm an idiot for saying something like that. Or that you're soft-hearted. You've worked so hard for all of this. You absolutely deserve everything and that win was only the first of many, I'm a hundred percent sure of it. Your Dutch shortie doesn't really know what's coming."
You gave him a tight-lipped smile after huffing in amusement at his diss towards Max. "Thank you," you told him earnestly. "Although, I am quite positive he is like almost ten centimetres taller than you. But, thanks anyways."
Lewis rolled his eyes. "Have you seen me? You don't think I give off tall energy?"
"You mean tall in insults?" You joked, grinning at the blank look on Lewis' face.
Lewis sighed. "I really am sorry. I didn't mean any of it. And by 'it', I mean all of the insults and fights. I was just disappointed in myself. Even more so that I didn't stand up for you. I'm so sorry."
You drew your eyebrows together, turning your body to face him. Confusion filled you. "Then why did you say it at all?"
"I–" Lewis blew out a small laugh. "Are you sure you want to know?"
"Lewis, can you not see me dying here? Like a whole kitchen set of knives in my back?" You deadpanned.
Lewis rolled his eyes again. So dramatic.
He brought his hands together, staring at you briefly before looking at the empty stand. "Well, obviously, I heard of you before you joined Mercedes. I thought it was ridiculous that you had to get two F2 championships to get a seat, but anyways, I digress. Toto told me, he was considering you even though you had never been in the junior team.
And I remember just being so fucking jealous of you. Toto was consumed by you. He and Horner had been fighting for your seat for so long and now that they finally had an open seat, it was chaos. Toto won, obviously. And then we met each other in person for the first time and I thought you were the most beautiful woman in the world."
You felt your heart begin to race and your skin heat at the sudden proclamation. "You... you what?"
Lewis smoothly glossed over the compliment. "And then we had our first quali together and you beat me. You got pole on your first race. So you were talented and beautiful. A crime, might I add.
And so when you came to tell me, you were so excited with all your talent and beauty, I was pissed. Because out of all things in the world, I had gotten an amazing competitor I was bound to feel for. I thought that by saying you were soft-hearted and all, it would get on your bad side and it would make me less attracted to you. It didn't. It got worse while it got easier to pretend to hate you."
You blinked blankly at him, cheeks aflame. Lewis Hamilton liked you. Your stupid teammate? The same one who's eighth championship you arguably took? "I'm sorry... hold up, we've been fighting for years because I'm a hot, talented, gifted, smart driver and you're a simp?"
Lewis squinted his brown eyes at you. "I did not include all those adjectives."
"I mean... that's basically what you said," You shrugged, flickering your eyes to the setting sun.
Where did all the damn cool air go? You wondered, pressing your hands to your flushed cheeks and feeling your soft palm absorb the molten lava known as your skin.
Lewis chuckled, picking up your flustered reaction quickly. He watched as you suddenly stood up. "Okay, well I'm... I'm going to meet Hugh and find a way to beat Max. See ya!"
Lewis paused, grabbing your wrist. "Wait? What? You aren't going comment about what I just said?"
You eyed his hold on your wrist: it was searing you. You turned to him, lowering your head to meet his gaze. You briefly looked down at his lips before looking back up. "I think I prefer hating you."
Lewis felt you press your lips on his cheek before walking past him. He watched your retreating figure, your kiss feeling heavy on his face, putting him right where you had left him: absolutely and utterly smitten.
© 𝐌𝐈𝐂𝐊𝐘𝐒𝐂𝐇𝐔𝐌𝐀𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐑
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