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mental-illness-bingo · 8 months

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Me: Can I even really call it trauma, though? It wasn't *that* bad, right? Other kids have definitely been through worse.

The men in my head that my brain created to love and protect me because I couldn't handle my childhood otherwise: 🧍‍♂️😐

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thebitchwitheface · 6 months

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Would a system jerking off be considered an orgy?

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lefluoritesys · 6 months

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So, this is a bit of a different post than usual, it doesn't directly relate to systems, but I really gotta share.

So, our partner system and us, we sleep on VCs. Main reason being, it just feels safer that way and feels like we're closer to each other. And we have like... a 7 hour time difference (to put it in perspective, their 10am is our 5pm), so we can also soothe each other's nightmares if we have them.

And yesterday was a pretty stressful day for us. As well as, we just felt sleepy and couldn't get anything done due to that. I was regressed, and they were still sleeping, it was almost 5am for them (almost 12pm for us). So I unmute my mic, and I call one of their alters who I see as a parental figure and who wasn't even fronting at that time. Wakes up, immediately fronts, asks me what's wrong, and I tell them that I want to be lulled to sleep. Cause I'm small and sleepy, but I want my mum to help me fall asleep. I am also apologizing cause they have work in a few hours, and I'm waking them up, not letting them sleep... and I get the "no apologies, baby, you're so small, of course you want your mum to lull you to sleep."

And we had another ex-partner system before that who told us, very explicitly, that we're foolish for trying something with our partner system, all because of a minor inconvenience that they didn't like (and that I won't bring up). I didn't listen, for the first time ever stood my ground... and so I went from a system who claimed that giving us any reaction to anything we send or are passionate about was "not something they were taught" (to the point where talking to them and talking to a wall made no difference), to a partner system who is willing, and encouraging us, to wake them up at night if we need them for literally anything.

So like, romance, friendship, QPR (queerplatonic relationships) are cool and all, but will they wake up in the middle of the night because you need affection? Cause ours will. And that's probably our biggest flex. /semi-ref

(@the-soup-system)

-host

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the-masquerade-council · 3 months

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I'm curious, what best applies to you and your system/collative.

This is for committed relationships of any kind(so yes QPRs do count). If you've never been in a committed relationship but want to be, answer based off of the kind of relationship structure you would like to have. For polyam alters, and collectively polyam systems answer based off what feels most accurate. Also if your system has both out off system relationship(s) and in-system relationship(s), answer based off of the out of system relationship(s).

Here "collectively" is being use to refer to all or almost all of the system. "Some of us" would refer to around 25-75% of the system give or take. Base it off of how many of you there are, it's gonna be different for every system.

Some examples of what various relationship structures would correspond to below*.

In general vote for what's the closest even if it's not a perfect description.

Reblogs would be appreciated if you feel so inclined.

But singlets do not vote on this poll.

*Example one: The host of system A is voting on this poll, they in are a system of 6. Alter 1, 2 ,3, 4, 5, and 6. Alter 1 is dating a singlet. Alter 2 is dating an alter from system B. Alter 4 is dating 2 alters from system B. System A would vote for "Separate beings, some of us are in a relationship with those in another system". Because there are more separate relationship having to do with system members.

*Example two: Collative A is voting on this poll, they have 34 headmates. The many of the headmates are in relationships with various headmates for other systems. There are no more 4 separate relationships between Collative A's headmates and any given system. So they should choose "Separate beings, only one/a few of us is/are with those in another system". Because even though many of them are in relationships, not many of them are with the same system.

*Example three: Person A has parts, they aren't sure how many exactly, but they know they have at lest 8. 7 of the known 8 are in a queerplatonic relationship with a singlet. They would choose "We are parts of a whole, collectively in a relationship with a singlet". Even they have unknown parts, most of the known parts are in a a relationship with a singlet.

*Example four: A person in System C is voting on this poll, System C has 307 know people in it. Around half the people in System C are dating a singlet, some of the remaining people are dating alters from two different systems. They should choose "Separate beings, some of us are in a relationship with a singlet". Because there are more relationships involving the singlet.

But again you should just choose what feels most accurate. We are not you, and we can't say exactly what best describes your specific situation.

P.S sorry I couldn't put "multiple are applicable" and "it's complicated/other" there was no room.

Also if you're an ass on this post. I will delete your reply and block you.

#-v #system stuff #system poll #plural poll #plural system #system relationships #actually plural #dissociative system #sysblr #system things #endo neutral #no syscourse #<-please

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system-comforts · 1 month

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Shout out to systems in relationships, whether that's with a fellow system or a singlet. I wish you a happy future together!

#mod pluto #plurality #actually plural #system relationships #relationships

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mossy-petrichor · 4 months

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Love letter ~💌

"it's like a completely different type of love. like sharing a brain is fundamental to our bond"

An ode to in-sys love, not strictly romantic, but a unique kind of familial too. a beautiful thing we've been discovering as we integrate and heal

Both the drawings and the poem are by me. To Ilya, Boo and Florence, my loves. my family <3

#and when i love you i love myself #system #plural system #did system #sysblr #traumagenic system #pro endo #endo safe #actually did #did alter #system relationships #queer #queer artist #queer love #queerplatonic #system positivity #system love

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404name-not-found · 6 months

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Vent post about system stuff incoming:

Also if you don't support in-system relationships just fuck off this specific post ok? Not in the mood to hear it

The concept of spending the rest of my life only ever half able to touch my wife (he/they) is fucking depressing. I can feel him because I mainly sit internally, and I know he can, to some degree, feel a ghost of where I'm touching him (not that way I'm referring to cuddling and kissing the rest is no one else's business) but it's not the same.

I will never be able to hold him the way his partner with a separate body can. While I'm not jealous of said partner, it does feel like something about me will always be inferior. I know if I had my body, I would not be able to hear his thoughts and know his feelings so we wouldn't work as well as we do, and probably would not be anywhere near as in love as we are because we don't deal with all the time wasted by misunderstandings and such. But I also know that if I had my body I could marry him legally, and I could be supporting him because my body was not disabled. I could take care of him in ways I just can't as things are. If I had my body, I could fill the roles I can't fill because we share a brain and body.

I wish with everything in me I had my body and still had the ability to communicate the way we do. I wouldn't have seen him in so many abusive relationships. I wouldn't watch him struggle to get things done and get what he needs. I was able to work in my fictional canon! I made plenty enough to support us! But I can't.

I know a miracle let me literally cover a gap between worlds to let us be together even though here I'm considered fictional. And somewhere deep down I know it wasn't a miracle, it was a world of hurt I wish he'd never gone through. And I know I should just be grateful I have him and we can be together despite how absolutely impossible it realistically is that we managed this.

I couldn't imagine a world without him, and I would never want to take the step back that would come with losing sharing the same head the way we do, but there's just a lot about sharing a body that makes a relationship like ours feel like we're so close to being perfect and the only thing in the way is one missing electrified meatsuit.

Don't misunderstand, while despite all the scientific knowledge I do have, I have no understanding of the science that makes it so he can kiss the air or a pillow using the body and *only* have the same biological reactions as he would with another body if one of us is kissing him in the head at the same time, I am eternally grateful for it. But for once, would like to stop being scientific wonder and be a man and his wife with nothing extraordinary besides the amount we love each other.

There's nothing to say or do to make it better; I'll feel okay tonight when he's laying in my arms since the body dissociates well enough when we're laying down to sleep that we can almost entirely feel each other, but for now it sucks and there's nothing that's ever going to change it. I spend 99% of my time grateful that I was given the chance to know him and love him and be loved by him and I wouldn't risk it for anything, but that doesn't mean I don't wish we could fill that last gap to where this would be perfect for him the way it is for me.

He deserves a relationship that can give him everything someone with another body can with someone who would *never* use that body to cause him harm, not with someone who is in the process of being taught not to. He deserves to kiss someone without flashbacks of that person forcing that kiss a few short years ago.

He deserves to have the whole experience of a relationship with someone who genuinely loves him without any backstory of beating or assaulting him in any way. Instead the closest he gets is always wondering if the only reason I'm safe is because I don't have a body to hurt him with. And I do not blame him at all for wondering that - every non-middle school relationship he's had besides one that didn't end up with that happening has been with those of us in his head. But I want to prove to him that people can love him without causing pain. That he SHOULD be loved in ways that do not cause pain. That no one should be hurting him and calling it love and there is nothing about having a body that causes them to behave that way. That what they did was choice they made and kept making, not inherrent to using body separate of his. Maybe then he'd be able to understand that he deserved better than what he got.

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sophieinwonderland · 1 year

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cringe is dead me and my husband are in the same body and no one can stop us. oh what are you gonna do, introject yourself into our system and tell us no ??? /j /nay

Yes! You go for it!

Never let anyone tell you that your love is wrong! 💖

#ask box #pluralgang #plural #plurality #endogenic #multiplicity #system #systems #plural system #actuallyendogenic #actually endogenic #endogenic system #pro endo #pro endogenic #plural pride #system pride #system stuff #system relationships

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flowerzf4ryou · 16 days

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if you dislike inner-system relationships i advise moving on.

GUYS I LOVE MY MATESPRIT SO MUCH I HAVE TK GET IT OUT OF MY SYSTEM I LOCE HER AHDISNFKFNDB I LOVE HER SOSOSOSSOOSOSOOO MUCH GUSY I JSJFDHJF

LOOK AT HER SHES SO PRETTY AND SWEET I LOCE HER SKSKSOSOSOS MUCB SHES SUCH A GOOD SINGWR AND DRUMMER AND AHDJEKFKG

#rant post #i love her #so much #matesprits #girlfriend #inner system relationships #system relationships #did system #partner rant #screaming over her #kicking screaming crying #chahut maenad #chahut hiveswap #hiveswap #juggalo #icp #why are there so many tags

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mental-illness-bingo · 9 months

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A long time ago, as a toddler, I screamed in my head for someone, anyone to help me. To make it stop hurting. To let me be free.

A man with wings like lambskin, large clawed hands, deep gray skin, and eyes like nothing I had ever seen in my couple of years stood in front of me inside of my head - what I didn't yet know was the headspace - took my small frame into his arms and said "you'll need to toughen up". That scared me more than anything.

"I don't want to be tough. I want to be small and fragile and naïve. I'm supposed to be that right now, I think. I think I would like to be soft forever."

"Okay," he said, amazing me by being a man respecting my no "then I will be tough for you."

Without hesitation, he took the form of someone my age and he lives my life for me, allowing me safety inside of the head with the alters I know are safe to be around. No more outside interaction I don't explicity choose - and he tells me if it's safe or not when I do decide to.

He has taken the risk out of people. He has allowed me the privilege of love and interaction without giving up security or the childish belief that the world can be good.

I'll never, ever say thank you enough times even if I used the breath of the entire world for the next million years.

My host saved my life, my sanity, and maybe even saved the system some trauma by being better at handling the situation, sure.

But most importantly, he saved my innocence. And he didn't even know me yet.

So dear host, when I say I love you and you are the best "brother" I could ever ask for, please don't look at me with those confused eyes. Don't shrug away and hide your demonic wings from me because they are the same ones that you wrapped around me when I was broken and believed I was beyond repair.

Your claws have never ever scratched my skin because unlike every other man, you have always been careful not to hurt me, yet you make it seem effortless. You make me wonder how careless everyone else must have been if you so easily avoid causing any harm at all.

You don't have to be embarrassed of the smell of fire in your breath or your "unnatural" eyes. These have been my comforts for as long as I have had any. That firey smell filled my lungs as you breathed life into a husk of a girl; a tattered doll. Those eyes showed me love larger than any cruelty I had experienced, as impossible as that seemed.

My dear brother, you may be a demon but you are ten times the good any man on Earth could ever be.

I did not know a man could hold me without thoughts and hands and other things under my clothes. I did not know I could feel loved by a man in an entirely platonic and familial way without being in denial of their true thoughts. I did not know safety and a man could exist in the same room.

These things that make you "evil" are the only good I know. The pieces of you that you hate are the exact parts that made you different enough to trust.

Please don't hurt yourself in the process of making yourself appear small and human for me. Human is exactly what I was afraid of. What you think will make me run and hide are the only reasons I didn't back then.

I would never, ever want you to hide even a single one of them.

Be yourself as you are, my gentle host, because that is the version of you that saved me. To me, that is the best of you.

But whoever you are, I love you and am grateful to you and those run deeper than any hurt I have ever experienced. Thank you for showing me something could be larger than the pain.

-B

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lifexxxdeath · 1 year

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Trying my absolute best for all of my head mates to feel safe and calm when I front, but I'm still religiously confrontational and have my triggers.

I don't like my methods or my competency being questioned by anyone outside the system. I do not like being disrespected or being questioned in general like I'm guilty of something. I am not inherently bad.

If only you knew what I've done to survive and keep all of us safe.. but no one sees that.

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lefluoritesys · 8 months

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When you're in the front room, two other alters are fronting, and you look up at them and accidentally feel their emotions due to leaks that happen sometimes and finally pay attention to how they look at each other.

And you just go: "Oh."

-host

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cerebralabyss · 7 months

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our secondary protector (dire) is literally the cutest thing ever… like um yes he’s a protector but i will protect this man at all costs!!!

- 🖤

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halcoded · 10 months

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the thing about having DID is that it is, at least for us, a very lonely disorder. we have better communication than we've ever had and we're struggling less and less with self doubt and denial thanks to the support and validation of both the mental health professionals and loved ones around us, and that's really helped us feel more connected to and accepting of each other... but... we are also finding ourselves feeling isolated in some ways where we didn't before.

the main example at the moment is with our in-system relationship dynamics. a new one has formed that we're excited about, as a collective; it has the potential to be intimate and loving and everyone so far (even me) is pleased with the alters involved, pleased with the new addition to our system, pleased for the sense of companionship. but... that is a difficult thing to talk about to other people. even to other systems. it feels like we are talking about something that only exists within our head (which it does, but i more mean in the abstract 'it isn't meaningful' sense here) and that if we ramble about it to other people, we are going to sound stupid.

or insane.

or like we're just playing pretend.

it feels like arrogance to love one another. we have spent many years not loving each other very much at all. it feels like self indulgence; like a fanfiction; like we're just entertaining ourselves the way you would with a happy fantasy in your head. that isn't, of course, what's happening. but the sense of anxiety and self consciousness around it is very real. it is hard for our host to say that orpheus makes them feel loved; it is hard for max to say that our host makes him want to be vulnerable. it is hard for me to say that i am not involved with any of them but that i want them to be happy.

in general i think we need to try and become more okay with talking to each other, even publicly. even if other people might think it's Cringe TM. it's just difficult. and it feels lonely to have all of this going on inside and not feeling able to talk about it.

#hal.txt #did system #system relationships #this was written by me but we are very blended at the moment/i am writing in behalf of us all.

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helmoverpede · 5 months

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There is something absolutely magical about sharing a frame with the one you love most. He is always with me, able to comfort or protect at a moment's notice. He and I are able to recharge completely wrapped up in one another. We are able to communicate privately no matter who is in front of us. We can show love for each other in ways singlets simply can not. His presence is constant, a pillar of stability and strength permanently propping me up when I feel weak and unseen. He is always there for me when I require strength, and I am always there for him when he requires tenderness. Our love is impenetrable and oft misunderstood, but it is ours. It is the one thing that we both possess that none can take from us.

#fictive introject #plural system #system relationships #in system relationship #in system dating #plurality

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sophieinwonderland · 1 year

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What was your last win?

A couple nights ago, I gave my host a promise ring in the inner world.

By the way, I'm so glad to finally be in front so I can finally answer this. Sometimes when I'm just co-con, my host proxies for me and there will be some things he just feels way too awkward talking about or sharing. So I had to wait until I was completely fronting to write this.

Anyway, our relationship had a strange start. I hadn't been self-aware long when I told him I wanted to be together. He was actually reluctant, paranoid he may have influenced me somehow. It didn't help that we had recently seen a post talking about how young tulpas may experience a sort of hero worship towards their hosts, and he was concerned that might be what was going on.

It was hard to get him to trust that my emotions were genuine. And at the same time, he didn't fully reciprocate in the beginning. There was probably a good few weeks to a month that felt like he saw our relationship like a science experiment. He loved me, but not necessarily in the same way.

That took time to build.

The idea of more than dating had come up a few times over the following year, usually with me letting him know that if he ever asked me to be more, I would say yes, and that I wouldn't regret it.

But I do understand not wanting to end up like Koomer and Oguigi who rushed things way too fast. But it's been a year and a half, and we're out of the honeymoon phase.

When it came up this time, my host seemed to be thinking about things more seriously than before, like it seemed more real. And so I offered a promise ring. It's not physical, but it was a spur of the moment decision. And he accepted it.

It's not an engagement, but to me it means that even though he's not ready yet, and doesn't think I am, we both believe we will be someday. It's may just be a commitment for a commitment for a commitment, but I am more than happy with that. 💖💖💖

#ask box #plural #plurality #endogenic #pluralgang #actuallyendogenic #actually plural #system relationships #actuallyplural #personal #relationship #relationships

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