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straight4joekeery · 1 year

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Teach Me How To Love In Your Own Lyrics

(Part 10)

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Once again, the adrenaline (among other things) was running through their veins. This show was particularly nerve-racking, after his little speech. Now, he wasn’t 100% sure, but he didn’t think Steve was here. Plus, he probably would have spotted a polo amongst all the leather. Robin, on the other hand, was here. She had the tendency to run her mouth a bit, so even if Steve wasn’t here, he’d know what he had said. Which was scary. But it didn’t matter. Even if it did, he had said it first. As he approached the last song, he started to really hope he wasn’t here. God. Who writes a song about someone, makes it popular, and doesn’t even tell the person? Creepy. He knew Steve would catch on immediately if he heard it. As he strummed the last note and everyone said their little ending bit, he ran. He was excited. Mainly nervous. But very excited.

“Dude, try to stay on the ground, okay?” He’d been bouncing up and down while carrying their stuff to the bus.

“Sorry, just excited.”

“We could tell. Now go put this up,” Jeff said, handing him a speaker, “then you can find your lover.” Normally, Eddie would make a comment or roll his eyes, but he currently did not have the time. He sprinted (probably the fastest he’s ever gone on foot in his life) to the bus and set the speaker down. He paced to the front of the bus to grab the gift bags and his personal bag, and fled. He walked back and forth looking for someone he knew. Steve, Robin, Vickie, literally anyone who looked like they didn’t belong at a metal concert. He tried to stay closer to the back of the building, so he wouldn’t get harassed. Fortunately, only one girl noticed him.

“Eddie!” Someone yelled from behind him. He immediately knew the voice.

“Robin!” He spun around and ran towards her. He wasted no time (besides setting down the bags as carefully as humanly possible) in giving her a bone-shattering hug.

“That was amazing!”

“Thanks!” He said pulling away, “Wow. I’m back. I am so happy to be back.”

“We’re happy for you to be back!” It took him a moment for him to process the “we”. As in someone else was here. He turned around to see Steve. And oh my lord. No wonder he didn’t spot him. At this point, he was just shamelessly gawking at the man. He looked… hot. He looked really hot.

He slowly approached him, like he would disappear if he moved too quickly. Steve giggled at the reaction, “Hi Eddie.” Yep. He’s real. Good. He practically tackled him as wrapped his arms around the other man’s neck.

“Hi,” he backed up for a split second to admire him. “I’m so glad you came. I missed you.”

“Really?” Steve whispered.

“Yeah really,” he said, moving away (for real this time).

“Well, I’m glad you’re here too.”

“Jesus Christ, get a room,” Robin rolled her eyes walking around them. She turned around when she noticed they weren’t following, “You want a place to sleep tonight or not?” she said, jingling Steve’s keys.

“Woah! Nope. Not happening. Give them to me,” he said, running to her and reaching for the keys. Eddie grabbed his bags and followed behind.

“Wasn’t going to. Just wanted you to hurry up,” she said, throwing the keys directly at his face (which with some miracle, he caught).

“Hey, Robin? Where’s Vickie?”

“Sick,” she said, giving Steve the weirdest smirk. There’s a story behind that, he knows. He doesn’t want to dig for it though. They all decided to skip to the car (bad idea by the way. Every single one of them fell at least once) to entertain themselves. Once they made it, Eddie immediately sprawled out in the backseat.

Since Steve was driving, he figured he could give Robin his little gift now. “Oi! Duck beak!”

“That’s a new one. How creative,” she said flatly, “yes Edison?”

“Here,” he said, tossing the bag gently to the passenger seat. He watched as Robin slowly opened it, glancing back at Eddie every 5 seconds.

“Oh. Thanks?” He saw a hoodie with a rainbow on it when he was in Seattle, and immediately bought it for her. Steve glanced over and bursted out laughing.

“Y’a know, when I saw it I knew I had to get it for you. I feel like it really represents you as a person,” he said while making dramatic hand gestures.

“Ah,” she sighed before breaking out in a huge grin, “it’s so truly lovely. Thank you, Eddie.”

“My pleasure birdie. And Steve I do have something for you so don’t get all jealous. I do not advocate distracted driving.” It was nice. The faint music coming from the radio, the breeze going through his hair as he rested his head against the car door, and the presence of Steve and Robin. It was nice being with them again. He missed this. “So what did y’a do when I was gone? Let’s see, on a scale of one to ten how much did you guys miss me?”

“About a twelve,” Steve said at exactly the same time as robin said, “easy, negative twenty five .”

“Aww, thanks Stevie,” Steve’s face twisted in a really weird smirk, grin, I’m-trying-really-hard-not-to-cry thing that Eddie honestly didn’t want to know what meant. “And Robin, wow, really know the way to make a man feel good.”

He spent the rest of the ride rambling (Robin style) about his shows. He beamed at every little detail of the tour so far. (“I swear! She was there! Phone Cates in the flesh!” “There’s no way. Because if you did I’d have an autograph in my hand right now.” “Yeah and if we even believed you for a second you would be sleeping on the streets tonight and you know it,” Robin added.)

“Here we are!,” Steve announced as they pulled up to their house. They all hopped out of the car and walked (in Robin’s case, skipped again, because absolutely nothing could go wrong) to the door.

“Damn Buckley, I really believed that you’d change that wallpaper by the time I got back. Tsk tsk,” Eddie sighed as they walked into the house. Their wallpaper wasn’t that bad. It only was used in the walkway (which was barely four feet). It was a deep blue with white specs that were supposed to be stars.

“What’s wrong with the wallpaper?,” Robin gasped “The old lady who lived here was, like, super into ‘witchy stuff’, and said it brought good luck for whatever reason,” she turned around and held out her hand, “She took one look at my palm and told me that I was going to die in a quote ‘very interesting and eventful way’. So that's fun I guess.”

“Super fun,” Steve muttered as he pushed her through the entryway.

“Awww,” Robin said looking at the couch. They looked over to see Vickie dead asleep on the couch, with a cat (oh my god is this little thing, Ozzy?!?!) on top of her. He didn’t know why she thought it was cute, she was snoring. Loudly (that is very hypocritical coming from him). “If either of you wakes her, or the cat, you will not live to see another day.”

“Dude it’s my cat,” he walked over to the couch slowly and tried to take the cat.

“Steven,” Roin hissed, “Don’t. You. Dare.”

“Jesus, sorry,” he muttered, “That's not even my name.”

“Hey, uh, Robin?” Eddie whispered.

“Yes, Edward?”

“Also not my name. but, um, wasn’t I supposed to sleep on the couch?”

“Oh. Yeah. you can crash with steve. Or me I guess if you really want. But fair warning I will probably kick you. Several times. Repeatedly. You will be-”

“I think I get the memo, Rob. I'll sleep with Steve, it's fine.” He realized his poor wording when

Steve choked on air. “Is that so?” Robin raised her eyebrows.

“No! I’m not going to sleep with Steve! I meant I was going to sleep in bed with Steve. Wait- no. I was going to go to sleep while Steve also slept. In the same bed.” Steve was bright red, and he knew he probably was too. Robin just stared at him with a wide grin. He groaned, “Nevermind. I am going to bed. Whether Steve follows is up to him,” he said waving a hand at him.

He walked into the room and set his things down. He could hear Steve and Robin trying to quietly argue, so he quickly changed into sweatpants and a t-shirt while he had the room to himself. He felt like he needed to do something to pass the time or he was going to go insane. He grabbed his stuff and started digging through it. He reached for Steve’s gift and set it on the bed next to him, then continued to search. He finally landed on a pack of wet wipes and moved to the standing mirror. He started (very aggressively for no reason other than he thought it would make it go by faster) removing his eye makeup. He always ends up smearing it somehow all over his face, just making it worse. 12 wipes later, his face was back to its natural beauty. He then proceeded to look himself up and down (full head nod and everything) at least 15 times. He looks like a rat. A literal rat. And oh no, Steve can not see him like this. He tossed and ran his fingers through his hair until it looked halfway (keyword: halfway) decent. He smiled at himself in the mirror, straightening his clothes trying to make himself look presentable. As he was doing so, he realized he hadn’t brushed his teeth today. At all. He breath checked in his hand and Jesus Christ. He could hear the two settle down outside the room so he didn’t have time to do anything. Unless…? He ran to his bag and grabbed the first thing he thought could work. Which happened to be perfume (shut up, cologne smells absolutely horrid and it will be going nowhere near his body). He uncapped it as he heard Steve approach the door. He panicked and sprayed it directly into his mouth. ohmygodohmyGODjesusfuckingchrist that burns like a bitch. He threw the bottle down and sprung up as Steve walked in.

…

“...Hi?”

“Are you okay?” Steve said, slowly approaching him. Wow. kinda unfair that this man can just walk up to him looking like that while he looks like a RAT.

“Yup mhm never better,” he said, red-eyed. “How have you been?” he said in an attempt to change the topic.

“Alright, I guess. Lonely.” He sounded so sad. He wished he could just kiss him square on the mouth.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. it's not your fault. Plus, I guess having a hypothetical cat has helped,” he giggled. He blushed and looked at the ground before stepping closed to Eddie, “Hey, I, uh, really really loved that song. Invisible man right?”

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry. You don’t have to say that. It was super weird of me to do, and I didn’t even tell you! Way out of line. I feel horrible Turing your confession into a song Steve I’m really-”

“Stop. I meant it. It was- beautiful honestly. Really poetic too. Im kinda honored,” he blushed, “It’s also a great ego booster to know I was inspiration for a top selling song.” Thirteen actually. Thirteen songs based off this man. (4 of which were written purely about his ass.)

“I need that on an award or something. ‘Eddie Munson is so cool and poetic’- Steve Harrington, 1993”

“Now that’s a bit of a stretch,” he grinned, “Oh right! I have something for you,” he walked over and opened the small closet to pull out a bag.

Oh. Steve hadn’t even left yet he bought him a gift. He pointed at his chest, “For me? Really?”

“Yes really. Here open it,” he said, placing the bag in front of him on the bed.

“Wait, here,” he turned around and grabbed Steve’s gift, “For you kind sir,” he said bowing down.

He laughed and grabbed the bag, “Why thank you!”

“You should go first. It’s stupid and I honestly don’t think you’ll like it.”

“Doubt it,” he sat on the bed next to Eddie and took the tissue paper out of the bag. He had gotten him a bunch of patches for his vest.

“I know it’s dumb. I got one at every stop on the tour because they all had them for some reason. I just saw one and remembered seeing the vest one day at your house and thought, ‘hey maybe Steve wears it cause why else would he have kept that nasty jacket’, and here you are so you know-”

“Eddie,” he shushed him. He was beaming at the gift and looked like he was on the verge of tears. “I really love it, thank you.” Steve held his arms out and wrapped him in a tight hug. This is what he really missed. Steve’s presence. His warmness. The way anytime he walked into a room he immediately felt happy. Like he could breathe again.

“Uh yeah of course. It suits you, by the way.”

“Yeah?” Steve whispered pulling back.

“Definitely,” he grinned. “I’m really loving this whole look,” he winked.

“I hoped so. Robin convinced me to go ‘further out than normal’, you know? I mean like with the fake ear piercing and stuff,” he said gesturing to the stick-on gemstones on his face.

“What do you mean ‘than normal’?” He raised his eyebrows.

“Oh, I guess I- uh- dress like this sometimes. To go to bars and stuff.”

“Damn Steve, you’ve been holding out on me.”

“Lucky for you, I kinda like it. Now, I believe it’s your turn,” he pushed the gift even closer to him, “and please be honest with me. If it’s too much or too weird let me know and we can act like this never happened.” He gave Steve a questioning look before grabbing the first item on top (which by the way, first?? There are way too many gifts in here. Now he feels horrible. This man is way too good for him).

When he pulled it out it was a smaller bag. “Hmm let me guess, is it another bag?” he said while he pulled the drawstrings.

“Shut up and open it.” Inside the bag was a pick. It was painted with a wide variety of colors and what looks like an attempt to draw a dragon.

He laughed to try to cover up the fact that he was probably about to cry, “Stevie, it’s amazing. Very beautiful, you should be an art teacher.”

“Thanks, I’ll talk to the principal.” Eddie laughed and stared at the ceiling to blink back his tears (which if he was completely honest, were still partly from the perfume). “Dude, don’t get all mushy, this is only the first one.”

“Yeah, yeah it’s only going to get worse from here.” He reached down into the bag and pulled out a mixtape. He flipped it over and read Steve’s track list on the back. “Oh Harrington, these songs are… horrendous,” he looked over at him with a smirk.

“I know you love it,” he said leaning closer and returning the smirk.

He sighed, “I do. Thank you.”

“Mhm,” he nodded back at the bag.

“You spoil me, man.”

“You deserve it.” Jesus. Okay, now he’s blushing. Like an embarrassing amount. The next item he pulled out was a ring tray, which had also been beautifully painted. “That goes with the next gift,” he pointed at the bottom of the bag.

He looked in the bag and saw that it was a ring box. A very expensive-looking ring box. He pulled it out and held it in his hand, “you proposing already?”

“Nah, feel like I should wait ‘til at least the second date for that.”

“Are you asking me out? And already promising a second. Wow. Power move,” he joked. Because that’s all he could do right?

Steve blushed, “if that’s okay, yeah I am.”

Is this real life? He pinched himself before wincing. Yep. Real. Wow. “Uh- yeah of course. I’d really like that.” He smiled.

“Good,” Steve reached forwards and opened the box inside Eddie’s hands. The ring was absolutely beautiful.

“Steve- I- I don’t know what to say,” he stuttered, “it’s perfect. I love it.” I love you. He was definitely crying now. Every last detail of the ring and the man that gifted it was perfect. In every way, shape, and form.

“Here,” Steve said, taking the ring from Eddie and grabbing his hand, “we should finish this proposal off right.” He slid the ring onto Eddie’s finger (and he wasn’t, couldn’t be, disappointed that it wasn’t the ring finger). He looked at the ring on his hand before intertwining their fingers.

“Stevie,” he shook his head in disbelief.

“Ed’s?” Steve said, using his free hand to tuck Eddie’s hair behind his ear.

He couldn’t find words. He was totally blanking. He just nodded like a fool before leaning in. And he kissed him. He really, finally did. It was… magic. It was the only word that he ended up finding. It was fucking magical. Time all of a sudden wasn’t right for him. It was either too fast in the moment or really slow. Either way, he’d never know. Magic.

When they pulled away, he just shook his head again. “What toothpaste do you use?”

“What?” He asked, brain still foggy from everything that just happened.

“You taste good.” Jesus Christ. This man doesn’t have a filter. Way to kill a man my god. (If this was how he died, he’d be pleased.)

“That I will never tell.” These two weeks would not go by fast enough.

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Another Eddie pov! Oh em goodness we did it. The happy little gay boys smooched. Yip yip. Is this part shorter or longer than normal? Honestly can’t tell. Thank you soso much for reading this (you’ve made it a long way, congrats ig). Ik i said I’d write another fic but honestly I don’t feel like it. But I’d love to see it written so hmu if your down with writing a crappy fic idea <3 lastly three rules of this fic: one- we don’t talk about how different the indentations are. I regret putting them in the first place, but I can’t just stop now or I’ll go insane :). Two- I am aware I overuse italicizations. Three- there is probably so many grammar and spelling errors to the point I don’t even care anymore. anyways y’all comment or reblog if you want to be tagged. I’m sorry if I didn’t tag you just lmk and I’ll add you to the list!

Tag list: @asbealthgn @queerbeansworld @bird-with-pencils @vecnuthy @artiststarme (ty for being amazing <3 u) @captain-winter-wolf-aehs @piningapplewitch @rowendyss @steve-themom-harrington @lfaewrites @azreadytodie @thequeenrainacorn @pastel-dreamscape @importanttimemachinenerd @jehneeg @swagaliciousmarie @mightbeasleep @krazyperson @milkshakeflowercreator @fando-random @bumblebeecuttlefishes @swimmingbirdrunningrock @gregre369 @fluffyreturns @scheodingers-muppet @wonderland-girl143-blog @briceslayed @youaremylobster @juststeddiebrainrot @pr3ttyb0yindie @scarlet-pandrian @drips-from-breaking-bones @plasticcrotches

Jesus that’s a lot of people I’m honestly concerned

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johndonneswife · 2 years

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#i think jennette mccurdy has been the only person in the world so far to write about having an ED in an actually honest way #the way she describes what it’s like to oscillate between anorexia - bulimia - binge eating disorder #idk she’s very brave for this - for writing about the disgusting shit we all do but would never in a million years admit to #& for writing about all her failures #& the way she describes using alcohol as a coping mechanism #i had the same exact experience #it makes my stomach hurt thinking about it #she’s so honest in this book. and also honest about probably living this way forever lol sigh #i have a lot of feelings about this book but the perfume bottle scene really got me 🙃#jennette mccurdy #also the chapter where she’s at the award show with her therapist and she hysterically loses her shit over a cheeseburger slider #felt

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vvanessaives · 2 years

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my google activity is looking pretty weird after 15 minutes of research on "perfume poisoning"

#rena.txt #the things i do for my ocs...#violante slowly posioning herself with perfumes <33 my beloved and a little touched in the head girl...#THE DECADENTISM of the action itself. the fact she's a disgraced noble + poisoning herself with smth 'expensive'. LIKE the contraposition #of opulent and decadent. GIRL HELP ME!!!#scents being considered an important part of memory (+ the meaning of her name) and memory being what haunts her all the time #GAJDHEHHHH I HATE BG3 SO MUCH I WISH I COULD TAKE HER AWAY FROM THAT GAME i want to Think of her. a therapist couldn't help me but a #mentally ill and murderous oc....neither she would probably kill me but it's okay bc i luv her

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wolves-in-the-world · 2 years

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when anton spends a while with one of his ex-clients once virgil's dead out of the picture - we'll call her amanda, because she needs a name, and they don't stay together forever but their relationship progresses and ends much less painfully than his last one - she gets him in contact with some people who are very interested in someone with his swagger and charm, and curious enough to let him keep the teeth.

and anyway, that's how he ends up starring in Ferrero Rocher ads.

#this thought came to me on the heels of the perfume ad idea so it seemed right to wait #it could be both at once it could be chocolate then perfume ads I'm not committed either way #listen I just think we deserve to see anton vampire cosplayer kittyfangs decadently eating chocolates is that so wrong #lost children of the blood #orig #ideally this would bolster him enough so he can find a job and hobbies he doesn't hate but #listen I don't trust my brain to come up with something that isn't just #he returns to sex work but with better ethics and a therapist this time #which could be a nice route?? to my mind?? but I could not personally write it. anyway.#picture: anton at a fancy party smiling and flirting a little as he walks through it #the barest glimpse of fangs as he bites into a ferrero rocher #and then glancing up and smiling fully (and a little mischievously) at the camera.#dark chocolate truffle ferrero rocher variants. cherry kirsch ferrero rocher variants.#I don't care if the chocolates are actually good we deserve this.#as ever this is meant platonically but indecently whatever I give up you folks know what I'm like

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heavenknowsffs · 2 months

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Hot men all use the same perfume istg

#this uber driver has the same perfume as the guy i'm talking to #and it just reminds me of him and i want to cuddle when i go to sleep #but he has to work tomorrow so he already went home and it's 5 am and i'm thinking about him????#my therapist says i'm in love but it's been two weeks like.. this is not love island #i need to take a chill pill and not think about it and just take it fucking slow

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just-a-torn-up-masterpiece · 5 months

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pretty when you cry

therapist!wanda maximoff x fem!reader

18+: mommy issues, minimal therapy talk though, smut; mommy kink, dacryphilia, thigh riding, praise kink, fingering, darkish in the fact that, not only is it an inappropriate relationship, she almost uses r’s weaknesses(?) against her, manipulative ish and a lot of language inferring r being dependent on her? idk how to describe it :/

wc: 1.5k

Wanda listened to the way your intake of breath was shaky. She watched the subtle tapping of your foot against the carpeted ground and the way you played with your fingers in your lap.

“You never deserved to be treated that way,” she spoke. “I hope you know that.”

“The realisation of the pain almost feels worse than living through it,” you uttered back, your voice quiet as you lifted your eyes to the ceiling to will away the building tears. You avoided her gaze, the soft eyes, the wanting eyes that she couldn’t help but train on each feature of your sullen face.

You were broken and she wanted to put you back together again. Or perhaps she aches to break you all the more, just to see how dependant on her she could make you; how lovely you would be to need her.

“This guilt you’ve expressed - about this resentment you hold towards your family - I’d like for us to throw it away,” Wanda returned. “I hope that, together, we can bring you back - lift you to where you should be without the weight of your mother on your shoulders.”

At the tremble of your bottom lip, she lifted herself from where she sat, instead taking a seat beside you despite that line of professionalism. She took in the scent of your perfume and the up-close sight of the side of your face. She adored the shy way you glanced towards her, quickly diverting your glistening eyes when the tears began to roll along your cheeks.

She couldn’t keep her touch away at the sound of a sniffle, a sigh of breath from your parted lips. A comforting hand took place on your thigh and you couldn't deny the warmth it ignited. Whether it was the comfort or the forbidden closeness you weren't quite sure.

You leaned into the arm that encircled your waist, accepting the guiding of her hand that brought the side of your head to rest against her shoulder.

“Oh, sweet girl,” she whispered with her lips ghosting the top of your head. You’d never experienced such fondness, a soft embrace when you felt as though the world had left you crumbled.

Never before had someone shown you this kind of affection and any path of sense grew blurry. Should she be holding you this way with her hand on your leg? Should the scent of her vanilla body lotion make you dizzy? You don't know. All you know is that you don't want her to let go.

You'd recognised her beauty, of course, and this close it was that much more astounding. When her finger and thumb took hold of your chin for you to look into her eyes you could see each fleck of colour, each bit darkened when her sights were set upon you and your pink-hued whites, your wet eyelashes and cheeks striped with tear marks.

“You look so pretty when you cry,” she whispered, taking in your appearance lustfully. She wiped her thumb through the droplets that ran down your cheek and the touch was enough to calm the hiccuped breaths that caught in your throat, serving as a reminder of the present. Of the beautiful, older woman in front of you who was showing you that someone cared.

Despite the hungry way she peered down at you, watching your pain slide down to your chin, her touch remained gentle. The way she watched you intently barely made you shrink, her musing eyes drank up the pathetic sight happily. Crying before her you looked so helpless, so pretty, so broken in need of a motherly hand to guide you. She’d bring you to tears over and over as long as she’d be the one to pick you back up.

When you lifted your face to greet her lips with yours you were barely thinking, though when you did it was only to find her reciprocating with fervour; her hands took your face between them and yours found a place on her back with the silk material of her shirt in your grasp. It was a line you feared would have consequences. It was a line Wanda had only thought of crossing in the confines of her bedroom - one that was dangerous and thrilling and so tempting. But even a strictly professional woman such as herself has desires, she couldn’t pass up such an opportunity.

You could feel the slick of her lip gloss against you, and you sighed at the intrusion of her tongue licking into your mouth. Her attention made your head spin. The idea that you were her sole focus, so desperate to have you she’d risk it all, the closeness of her body when she pulled you onto her lap felt safe. When wandering hands crept beneath your shirt you leaned into their touch, feeling the shivering of your spine when her nails scraped along the skin whilst her lips made their way to your neck.

The way her body felt beneath your touch was sublime, the softness of her waist and the pillowy flesh of her breasts when you palmed at them through her bra.

Wanda’s breath was hot against your throat, her tongue licked across the bite mark she left behind whilst she pulled you impossibly closer in her eagerness to have you near. She pulled your hips into hers, smirking against your collarbone at the whimper you failed to hide. When she pushed her thigh upwards into your clothed cunt you couldn’t hold back the grunt at the back of your throat, feeling the pressure in your aching clit. She knew you’d be soaked, that her attention would reward her with the feel of your hips aimlessly rutting against her.

“Let mommy help you,” she murmured, pulling away from you with swollen lips, her hands taking claim of your hips to aid your movements. “I just wanna make you feel good. That okay?”

Her voice was soft and so were her eyes and it all made your brain so hopelessly empty, succumbing to the hold she has on you. All you knew was that she cared for you, the feelings she was igniting were setting you alight and, although you shouldn’t, you wanted it. Each and every thing this woman would offer you, you’d take and swallow down.

When you nodded she smiled and cupped your cheek.

“Good girl.”

She inched a hand between your bodies whilst her lips pushed to yours again, unfastening your jeans to creep past the hem of your underwear. Her fingers found how soaked you were with a swipe through your folds, your hands dug into her shoulders at the feeling of them brushing over your clit.

“So worked up aren’t you, hm?” she murmured against the pulse point of your neck, burying her fingers into your pussy with a curl that made you moan out into the crook of her neck, your teeth daring to ghost the soft skin. You wanted to know her taste. To consume her entirely, to show her just how grateful you are.

She adored the way you clung to her, keeping her as close as possible with your lips pressing kisses to her jaw while her fingers fucked into you; the heel of her palm pushed against your swollen bud, bringing you towards your release.

“C’mon,” she cooed, pulling your face away from her with a gentle hand in your hair. “Look at mommy when she makes you feel good.”

You did as she said, letting her keep her eyes focused on your pleading ones. The ones that held the remnants of your tears, that were replaced with a sensual hue, glossed over and wanting. You looked at her as though she was the only thing that mattered and it made her ravenous.

The sight of you cumming onto her digits had quickly become one of her favourite views and the sounds she pulled from you would echo in her mind. Feeling your mouth against hers made her smile, the way you thanked her for the pleasure. Her pliable little doll.

You’d do anything for her and she knows it.

She was pleased with your obedience when you accepted the fingers she nudged past your lips, slackening your jaw to suck them clean of the mess you’d made. She tasted your sweetness in the kiss she reunited you with, knowing right away she’d have to taste you properly as soon as she could.

Not much longer she was helping you stand up, fixing your appearance for you to take your leave, a tension lingering in the air of what was to happen next.

“Thank you, Wanda,” you sheepishly began. “for everything - for today. I mean-“

She cut you off with a laugh that eased your awkwardness and a touch to your arm that you leaned into.

“Same time next week?” she questioned to which you nodded right away. “And you’ve got my number. Give me a call if you need anything in the meantime,” she added with her lips quirking into a smirk as she reciprocated your small wave goodbye.

#wanda maximoff x reader smut #wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff x female reader #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff x you

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brightjin · 2 years

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im so tired of being depressed and feeling like shit 😭

#personal stuff #maybe i SHOULD see a therapist again but i fully dont want to speak to anyone at the same time like #PLEASE i cant handle cis people and trying to explain things and not being understood #when i told my last therapist about trans loneliness and she suggested trans groups and i told her that there arent any here. ive LOOKED #and then she was like oh. that sucks. have you tried mindfulness theres nothing i can really do about that #she was really sweet but 😭#truly makes u feel like ur unhelpable bc the trans wait times are insane #every night like clockwork i feel like shit n have to fight the urge to cope like my dad would #its rough out here idk what to do really #for now im playing autochess and reading about perfumes and aggressively trying to silence my brain #im so tireddddd i need to work and study for my exam but i feel like shit and cant do anything

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sluttsumu · 1 year

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let me live my fratboy!inarizaki dream okay?

chars: ‘tsumu, osamu, suna, & kita

nsfw — mdni, tw: corruption

fratboy!atsumu who is literally the worst person alive, but he’s hot and a good fuck so it makes it okay, okay?

he’s fucked every girl from his fan club and every bimbo on campus but that’s not what satisfies him at all. prissy, hard-to-get girls with their hymens still intact really turns him on. why? because he enjoys the chase of a women who won’t instantly fall to her knees for him. secretly finding information about his next target so he could casually end up in the same study period, or walking along the same path just so he could talk to her. it could be labeled kind ‘stalkery’ but he labeled it as persistent, because at the end of the day once her manicure was clawing at his back it’s mission accomplished, and onto the next. “you didn’t think i actually wanted you? did you” he’d chuckle in the faces of the girls who looked at him with tears in their eyes, he figured that in the end they would end up blaming themselves for fucking a known whore anyway.

fratboy!suna whose an old money nepo-baby, in which he flashes his parents cash to attract gold digger, wannabe future housewives.

slut is an understatement, calculated whore is a better term. as a psyc major he’s the king of gaslighting and manipulation, AND THE GIRLS EAT IT UP. unlike atsumu he somewhat puts in the effort to finding a girlfriend, but there’s always a new one…every month. being sly and cunning is genetic according to him, it’s also the same way he manipulates girls into not wearing condoms. “c’mon pretty, how’re gonna give me an heir with latex in the way, hmm?” and it works every time. every selfish, greedy girlfriend he’s had falls for his antics in hopes to marry their way into his family, and give him a baby. let’s just say the only “compensation” they got was from a therapist or him buying them off to get a plan b the next morning.

fratboy!kita who is literally so smart he manages to y= m (x+d)^2 + k, girls into his bed.

it’s all so innocent at first when he offers to carry a certain girls books, and that turns into him sitting next to her in class. it’s cute from a far, isn’t it? when in reality he’s just singled out the classes bimbo in hopes to tutor her. day by day he’d observe while sitting next to her, as she’d glance over at him to catch him staring from time to time. she thought that he was maybe admiring how pretty she was or caught on to her perfume of the day, but that was never the case. in his mind he was practically drooling over the way her tits spilled out of her shirt, or when they had a test and he could tell she stayed up all night because she looked completely fucked out. after her whining a few times about her grades he offered to help, which just turned into him making her that much dumber by fucking her over his desk till she was babbling. “stupid girls fall into stupid traps” he’d say, and the fact that he did this every semester meant that he was always right.

fratboy!osamu who is literally the most nonchalant asshole known around the entire campus.

osamu was too persuasive for his own good. he could never hold a solid relationship or friendship with anyone of the opposing gender, why? because he ends up fucking all of his female friends, and then ghosting them not even 24 hours after. his tricks were the same with every girl, and a night out with him always turned into the walk of shame the following morning. the only notifications any girl would receive from him afterwards is a copy of their intoxicated sex tape which most don’t remember making and a follow up message saying “my friends think you look really good on camera btw”. confronting him after study hall the next day wouldn’t change a thing, simply because the only response he’d give was “do i know you?”

SLUTTSUMU 2023

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jonsnkuwait · 2 years

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صيدلانية - تحاليل طبية - استقبال

صيدلانية – تحاليل طبية – استقبال

Pharnasist Reciptionist lab. Tech . Females medical jobs ,- nurses

View On WordPress

#doctor physician طبيب طبيبة #front office استقبال #jobs in Kuwait وظايف في الكويت @ وظايف خالية #ladies females beauty health care salon #nurse #sales females perfumes cosmetics girls #sales rep. مبيعات مندوب مروج عارضة تسويق #storekeeper .. امين مخزن #therapist health club

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greenapplebling · 10 months

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Tim: So my massage therapist said-

Jason: Massage??

Tim: It's the only hour on the month that I can relax, shut up

Tim: So anyways, she said "the smallest of perfumes smell the nicest, but they can also be confused with the worst of poisons" and I thought it was kinda cool

Jason:

Jason: *stares at Damian in the other side of the room* hmm

#in all honesty though. that phrase was fire #dc #tim drake #jason todd #batman #batfam #robin #damian wayne #batfamily #red robin #red hood #batkids #batbros #incorrect batfamily quotes #batfam incorrect quotes #source: personal experience

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storiesforallfandoms · 8 months

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sob story ~ hannibal lecter;hannibal

word count: 2292

request?: no

description: in which he takes a liking to one of the new agents, and gets to learn her sad story

pairing: hannibal lecter x female!reader

warnings: swearing, the reader eats food made by hannibal...we all know what that means, mentions of cheating

masterlist (one, two, three)

(Y/N) looked up from her paperwork as a plastic Tupperware container was placed in front of her. Hannibal stood over her, smiling down at her.

“What’s this?” she asked.

“Leftovers from the meal I prepared last night,” he said. “Agent Crawford asked to see me today, so I thought I would drop by your desk to bring you something to eat.”

(Y/N) smiled at him. “You brought this just for me? I must be pretty special.”

But she already knew the answer to that. Hannibal had taken quite the liking to (Y/N) since he first met her only a few weeks ago. She had no idea what it was that drew him to her, and truthfully, neither did Hannibal. She was just a desk agent, not a field agent. She didn’t get to do any of the exciting or impressive stuff. She sat in the FBI offices and waited for paperwork to come in, or brought files to the higher ups, or went to boring meetings that felt like they went on for hours.

That’s how the two of them met, actually. Jack Crawford had asked for a file on a suspect they were looking into for a case. When (Y/N) brought it in to them, Hannibal found himself captivated by her. He introduced himself, taking note of the sweet scent of the perfume she was wearing. When they shook hands, he was almost reluctant to let her go, but he knew he had to let her get back to her job. But ever since that day, whenever Hannibal was at the FBI offices, he made sure he went to speak with (Y/N) even for just a few moments.

Hannibal pulled up a chair next to her desk as (Y/N) opened the plastic container.

“God, it smells so good,” she said. “You have to teach me how to cook sometime. I’m always hearing about your popular dinner parties.”

“I’ve never taught anyone my recipes before. I’m usually a solo cooker.”

“Fine then. Keep your secrets.”

Hannibal chuckled. (Y/N) took a forkful of the food. The minute it touched her tastebuds she couldn’t help the sound that came from her throat. Nearby agents at their own desks looked over at the two of them. (Y/N) covered her face in embarrassment. “I should’ve waited till my break.”

They fell into silence as (Y/N) continued to eat. Hannibal watched her as she would take a bite and continue to work on her paperwork as she chewed. She was wearing a new perfume. It had a more prominent vanilla scent instead of a fruity scent like her last one. She always looked beautiful, but Hannibal found she looked especially so when she was focused on her work. It was when she seemed to be at her most vulnerable, when she wasn’t putting on an act for those around her, that he found she was the most beautiful.

Her phone was placed face up on the desk next to her. It lit up as a message came in. (Y/N) looked over at her phone for a moment before making a face and flipping the phone so the screen was face down on her desk. She turned back to the paperwork in front of her, but Hannibal could tell she wasn’t actually focusing on it.

“Everything alright?” he asked.

It took (Y/N) a moment to realize Hannibal had spoken. She looked up at him and halfheartedly smiled. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“You sure? It seems like whatever message you just received wasn’t a good one.”

“Don’t therapist me, Lecter,” (Y/N) said, playfully, as she pointed her fork at him. “It was jut an old friend that I asked not to message me anymore, but they seem very persistent on going against what I want.”

“The friendship didn’t end well, I’d assume.”

(Y/N) shook her head but didn’t elaborate further. She stabbed at the food and pushed it around the container. Hannibal didn’t want to pry. It was his job to get people to tell him their problems, so he could’ve easily gotten (Y/N) to talk if he wanted to. But he decided not to, and that (Y/N) would tell him what was going on if she wanted to.

His ears perked up when she sighed and put the fork down again. “It’s a long story, and I don’t want to bother you with my sob story.”

Hannibal raised an eyebrow at her. “My job is listening to other people’s sob stories.”

She chuckled. “Fair point, but I’m not one of your clients.”

“You’re my friend, and it is to my understanding that friends talk to friends about things that are bothering them.”

(Y/N) nodded and sighed again. “Okay, well...the person who is messaging me stopped being my friend because my ex-boyfriend told her and all our other friends that I was crazy and a shitty girlfriend, so they all stopped being friends with me.”

Hannibal didn’t say anything. He gestured for her to continue, so she did.

“I was in a relationship for a long time,” she explained. “Like four or five years I think? It was a while ago so I don’t completely remember. Anyways, we were living together, we were so in love, we were talking about getting engaged and everything. And then, one night, he had left his phone open and I glanced down to see a text from another woman saying she was excited to see him, followed by a picture of her in lingerie.” She took a deep breath to try and stop the tears that were forming in her eyes from falling. “Turns out he had been cheating on me for months. Almost a year, actually.”

Hannibal’s hands clenched in his lap. Anger rose from deep inside of him. He was tempted to ask for her ex’s name so he could track the bastard down. How could someone have such a beautiful woman’s heart in his hand and completely crush it like that? He could’ve put a ring on her finger and gotten to call her his for the rest of their lives.

Maybe I shall invite her over for dinner soon, Hannibal thought to himself.

“How did that result in your friends no longer speaking to you?” he asked instead. “I’m not sure I see how he flipped this to be in his favor.”

(Y/N) laughed, humorlessly. “Never underestimate the power a man has over a woman he’s already hurt. Obviously, I was upset, so I acted kind of irrationally. I yelled, I cried, I screamed at him to leave the house, and when he refused, I started throwing his stuff out onto the front step. He told our friends I went through his phone and misinterpreted a message between him and ‘a coworker’. He told them I was crazy and went extra hysterical over nothing. I didn’t know until after, but he took a video of me throwing his stuff out, so he showed them that as proof. So, they all turned their backs on me.”

(Y/N) wiped her eyes quickly when she felt a tear run down her cheek. She let out a pitiful laugh and added, “And the icing on top is then he kicked me out. He put his name only on the lease, so there was no chance of fighting for the place. So, I was single, alone, and homeless in one fell swoop. He quite literally took everything from me.”

She looked down at her lap to try and hide her tears from anyone around them. There was no use pretending in front of Hannibal now. He had seen her break, but she didn’t want her coworkers to see it as well.

It had been many years since what happened with her ex. (Y/N) had gone through years of therapy to try and move on, and was still actively going when she had the time. There were days when she felt like she had moved on, and there were other days where all she could think about was the absolute heartbreak she felt when she saw those messages on her ex’s phone. She would sometimes see something that would remind her of their old friend group, and she’d remember how none of them spoke to her anymore. At first, she was sad about that, but after a while she got angry. She had tried to tell one of them, the one who was messaging her again now actually, that her ex cheated, but none of them would hear it. They just thought it proved even more that she was “the crazy ex-girlfriend”. She was angry that none of them would even listen to her, so it made it easier to get over them cutting her out.

Until a few days ago when that same ex-friend messaged (Y/N) asking if they could talk. When (Y/N) left the message on read, the friend tried again, explaining that her ex had finally come clean that he had cheated on (Y/N) after getting a little too drunk and someone asking him how he and his fiancée - the woman he cheated on (Y/N) with (that was a stab in the heart to read) - met. The friend begged for forgiveness and asked if they could talk, but (Y/N) told her that she didn’t want to be friends with any of them and not to contact her ever again.

It brought up so many old wounds - ones that were both partially and entirely healed. (Y/N) felt like she was back to those days of being a sad, young adult who was kicked out of her home, her relationship, and her friendships, all because of the actions of a dickhead like her ex. She had been trying to mask her upset while at work, but some days it was tougher than others.

But seeing Hannibal made it easier to forget.

She had really hoped that his surprise visit would bring her out of her mood. It almost had, if it wasn’t for that ex-friend messaging her yet again to try and beg for forgiveness.

(Y/N) jumped when Hannibal reached out for her hand. He took it in his and held it tightly. When she looked up, she realized how close he was leaning towards her.

“You should not let a man like that ruin you,” he told her. “You are a bright, beautiful woman, with a great job and I am assuming a fantastic family and new friends. He lost something great when he chose that other woman over you, and one of these days he will pay for making that decision.”

(Y/N) tried to smile. “I didn’t think someone like you would believe in karma.”

Not unless I’m the one inflicting it. “I can on occasions.”

She looked down at their connected hands. His was so much bigger than hers, so much cooler against her clammy skin. She suddenly felt self-conscious about the fact that her palm was so sweaty. She hoped he couldn’t feel it against his own palm.

“It’s not easy to just let go of a five year relationship that ends so suddenly like that,” she said, her voice small. “I haven’t dated anyone since because it’s just too hard to trust.”

“You must take things at your own pace,” Hannibal told her. “You can’t rush yourself into a new relationship if you’re not ready. There is nothing wrong with taking care of yourself first.”

When she looked up at him again, (Y/N) felt compelled to close the distance between herself and Hannibal. She wanted to kiss him more than anything. She wanted to feel more of him against her - his lips against hers, his hands on her body, his body against hers. She wanted to feel it all. But obviously, that would be a very inappropriate thing to happen in the workplace. Not to mention she wasn’t sure if Hannibal would really reciprocate to any of the things she wanted.

“Thank you,” she said, finally.

“It’s just the therapist in me.”

When she laughed this time, it was real. His heart fluttered at the sound. “I know, but it still means a lot. The fact that you come see me so often, that you brought me food today. It all means a lot to me. More than I think you could ever know.”

She didn’t want to let go of his hand, but she knew she couldn’t sit there like that all day. She was already well aware of how everyone was looking at them. She was sure she’d be mentioned at the coffee machine gossip session the next morning. So, (Y/N) reluctantly took her hand from Hannibal’s and reached for her pen instead.

“I really should try to finish this before Jack comes looking for it,” she said.

“Do you mind if I stay?” Hannibal asked.

“You don’t have anything else going on today?”

“Not until you’re finished.”

She raised an eyebrow at him. “What are we doing when I finish my work?”

“I’m going to teach you how to cook.”

Her face lit up like a Christmas tree. Hannibal couldn’t help but smile back at her.

And so they did sit like that for the rest of the day; (Y/N) working and eating while Hannibal just kept her company. The conversation had died down a bit so she could actually work, but that only aided her in finishing her paperwork early and being allowed to clock out an hour earlier, too. She happily pulled on her coat and followed Hannibal to the elevator, where he reached out and took her hand again as the doors closed.

#hannibal lecter #hannibal lecter imagine #hannibal lecter x reader #mads mikkelsen #mads mikkelsen x reader #mads mikkelsen imagine #hannibal nbc #hannibal netflix #imagine #one shot #fanfiction #fanfic #fandom

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arsonlookers · 10 days

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Doctor's Obsession

Yan! Doctor Zhongli x Therapist Reader

Slight Suggestive please be warned

Yan! Doctor Zhongli is the first doctor you have befriended during your first month as a therapist. You have known him far longer than that. you have known him from your first college days, he is the most respected senior on campus and also the most elegant gentleman and genius upcoming doctor on the field. You only got to know him in your freshman year since he was already graduating that time so You only admire him from afar and nothing more.

Yan! Doctor Zhongli Who actually knows you, the very cute freshman who actually caught his attention all those years ago.

Yan! Doctor Zhongli Who has been supporting you silently and admiring you secretly from afar. [ of course, you didnt know that] He who just anonymously helps you through all your debts and even secretly gifts you here and there but not that obvious that it will catch your attention.

Yan! Doctor Zhongli Who actually is the one who recommended you in this asylum so that he will be able to get close to you. And he will be able to watch you 24/7. He now can touch you, stare at you for longer hours, and of course, he can watch who is interested in you and dispose of the said trash.

Yan! Doctor Zhongli messed up once because in your 4th year of college, you got a boyfriend, and he was furious about it. Of course not to you, but to that TRASH who keeps hanging out with you. Tainting you with his dirty hands, his sweet poor little angel, he is of course gonna save you.

Yan! Doctor Zhongli who secretly slips something into your boyfriend's drink someday and your boyfriend suddenly needs to go to the hospital to get treated. HE who secretly kills your boyfriend and disguises it as a failed operation.

Yan! Doctor Zhongli who meets you [secretly stalks you does not count] finally for the first time and tells you about your boyfriend's progress in health how severe it is and how dangerous his condition is. And even comforted you when you got the sad news of your now-dead boyfriend.

Yan! Doctor Zhongli since then he Occasionally asks you out for tea and even asks you about your personal life.

Yan! Doctor Zhongli is happy to become a friend of yours and it will develop more and more as he will make sure of that.

Yan! Doctor Zhongli When watching you interact with some patients, who become too touchy with you, he keeps an eye on them for your sake. And after that tells you the bad news about their death. [Rip dead patients]

Yan! Doctor Zhongli actually keeps a laboratory hidden behind the walls so that you won't be able to see how gruesome it is. How he tortures those patients because you interact with them more than you interact with him.

Yan! Doctor Zhongli sees you as an angel and even a goddess because of how he worships you secretly. And to those you will taint you may they be innocent or criminal he will sure put them to judgment and persecute them for they are filthy.. no they are not deserving of your love and attention at all. ONLY he is.

Yan! Doctor Zhongli who keeps a hidden room in his house full of your pictures since your freshman years. all SECRETLY taken without any of your consent.

Suggestive content

Yan! Doctor Zhongli who gets turned on whenever you are so close to him. as he smells how sweet and enchanting your perfume is and how good you look close up. how he will never stop eye fucking you in his mind all day long.

Yan! Doctor Zhongli He who jerks off on your pictures and he even has you naked in some of it [of course you will never know about that]

"hnngg~ y/n~ ahhhh~ ngg~ you~ lookngg ahhh~~ so sexy~ my darling~~ "

Yan! Doctor Zhongli who loves it when you sit on his lap and he will surely drag it in his mind for days on end.

"Just ~ ehhahhhh~~ sit ~ gnnn~ how good~ would-ahhh~~ you~ feel-~ like~ nggg~"

Yan! Doctor Zhongli REAAALLLYY LOVES your curves secretly and even would loves to be suffocated by them. Who will surely shamelessly beg if he has to.

Yan! Doctor Zhongli is Jealous whenever you interact with patient 001 because he knows how insane Childe is. He will never stop pestering threatening Childe to stop his obsession with you.

Yan! Doctor Zhongli Who is mad when patient 001 starts to become more and more bold and even shamelessly masturbating infront of you in his cell. of course Yan! Doctor Zhongli knows about it since he watches through the camera of his cell. to make sure you are safe but now he will surely dispose of Childe for good.

Yan! Doctor Zhongli who starts to notice how other patients are also acting strangely affectionate to you..and he DOES NOT like it.

Yan! Doctor Zhongli Who will start to isolate you from other doctors and even patients. even though you act against it since he is your higher-up supervisor you have no choice but to follow.

Yan! Doctor Zhongli will keep you by his side, inside his office, and will not let you meet other patients or even to other doctors.

Yan! Doctor Zhongli who will make you his secretary rather than a therapist to filthy people.

"why not be my personal therapist y/n?" he asked

Yan! Doctor Zhongli who starts to act strange around you and even affectionate at times. And when no end he will also start to show his possessiveness and affection obsession to wards you.

Yan! Doctor Zhongli who locks you up in his office and even has a secret built-in chain on his office just for you and only you to use.

" You will be safe here darling~ don't worry as long as you are here by my side nobody will get hurt~ As long as you are here by my side I will love you forever and spoil you "

you are trying to break of the chain

"Darling dont do that you will hurt yourself" Zhongli sweetly tells you like an adult telling a child that sweets are bad for your teeth.

You glare harder, trying to be intimidating but sadly Zhongli only sees it cute and lovely how you intently stare and observe him.

"darling~ dont make me use drugs to make you pass out~" he brushes his hands on your cheeks grabs it by the side and makes you look deep in eyes.

With his threat, you stop squirming out of him and just fearfully stare at his deep golden eyes. all you can do is nod your head.

"good girl~ such a Good girl for me~ " he kisses your right cheek

"dont worry now darling I'm sure you are going to love it here, forever and ever. I will make sure of it. You will love it here in your new home and with your new husband and we will have children~ how many would you like? this daddy will provide for you darling~"

"So would you please follow orders from your one and only trusted doctor please~? "

Darling why don't you stay~ you have nowhere to go, after all, don't worry he will take care of you, spoil you, make you his and so full of his children.

He will take care of you Darling~ dont worry about anything at all, just think about him and only him after all, he has been waiting for the longest time for this .. FOR YOU to be His and only HIS.

suggestive content

After he takes control of you and chains you to his side forever be reminded that day after day, night after night you will be nothing but exhausted and tired from all his pounding again and again and again. non-stop because he truly has been waiting and dreaming for you to be in front of him stripped and all on show for his eyes to see and to love be in his mercy as you kept begging him about how overstimulated everything is. after all, he likes it when you are acting like a whore in front of him and cock drunk from all he has given for you. BUT he won't stop until he is satisfied and sees everything is in place. an image of you so full of his cum and looks so tasty and hmm~ fuck up~ by him~ don't worry darling he will truly love you and he will enjoy his meal after all his waiting~ so please let him have his meal [you] will you darling~

Ars : I give thanks to people who likes my last post Ms. therapist and my new upcoming ideas about yandere childe and yandere adventurine! I was really shock about reaching 200+ likes THANK YOU VERY MUCH!! and to my new Followers thank you for following! it really means everything to me and to people who reblogs my post THANK YOU VERY MUCH!! For more update this yandere genshin x therapist reader will hopefully be a long project for me since I truly have plenty of ideas in my pocket. if you like to keep following on the updates I have a separate post master list for it named ASYLUM PROJECT

THANK YOU VERY MUCH! YOU ALL MADE ME CRY!!! 😭

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void-star · 7 months

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I'm starting to get the impression that people don't actually know what a trauma trigger is or how to identify them.

It is not feeling uncomfortable or disgusted with a concept or subject.

It is an activation of your sympathetic nervous system (activates fight or flight) over things your brain has associated strongly with a traumatic event.

The things your brain associates with the traumatic event don't always have to make sense: it can be as innocuous as a certain song/ringtone or notes from a cologne/perfume, or as direct and obvious as the sight of a weapon.

The important thing here is that it's a moderate to severe body experience in response to something that is not immediately dangerous to you and reminds you of a traumatic experience you have had in some way.

When you know and understand this, you can start to catch the physiological signs of the activation of your sympathetic nervous system. It's helpful to recognize both to calm your body down when you're not in immediate danger, and to recognize how this activation can affect other areas of your life.

I say that last part because it shuts down a lot of cognition, makes you stop thinking clearly, because it serves the purpose of trying to get you immediately out of danger.

My therapist still does a kind of explicit mirroring with me a lot, where rather than focusing on the thoughts and the fear that's on the surface, she brings my attention to my body: tightness in muscles, narrowing of vision, increased awareness of sounds/smells, constriction of the chest.

I bring this up because, first of all, it seems like some people use "trigger" to by synonymous with feeling uncomfortable or disgusted, to ride on your concern for their wellbeing in order to control your behavior. I don't like that.

Second of all, it also seems like other people are focusing on the occurrence of a trigger as a hallmark of something being harmful. Like once you're triggered, you're hurt and damaged yet again, and there's no coming back from that.

This is both untrue and disingenuous. I don't think it's particularly useful for trauma survivors. It's important to recognize that triggers are the residual effects of the things that harmed us that we couldn't do anything about. Triggers are manageable and they are not an indication that you're being harmed again. They are the body's memory of the harm, and its commitment to preventing you from being harmed again by latching onto a pattern it thinks will help you be safe if there's a next time.

You HAVE to learn to rationalize this if you want to feel safer, more comfortable, and in control of your world. You deserve that.

You don't deserve to sit inside of the intense fear and lack of understanding that comes with not investigating your own experience, or the way it can box you in to see danger and harm and abuse all around you.

And if you don't learn that, you're going to end up believing the only thing that can keep you safe is the elimination of everything that reminds you of what you went through... which is harmful to other people.

#psychology #ptsd #ptsd triggers #trauma triggers #what is a trigger?

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candypot · 2 days

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ੈ✩‧₊˚ 𝗩𝗜𝗟 𝗦𝗖𝗛𝗢𝗘𝗡𝗛𝗘𝗜𝗧 : ex with attachment issues headcanons

ੈ notes: came back with more cunty content about this cunty queen

|theres NSFW mentions on this post - don’t scroll if you’re a minor|

•Probably will resent you very much for wasting his precious time, but the scale of his harshness towards you depends on the breakup reason.

• At the worst case he'll throw some light shade at you whenever you happened to be in the same room as him. It would be too impolite to just directly address his displeasure with your presence, so expect just some indirect complaints about your "exaggerated perfume" or your "disrespect towards the school etiquette”. He'll make sure to bother just enough to satisfy his hurt ego, even though he knew deep down it was ridiculous for his image as a dorm leader.

• if the breakup reason was lighter, he'll just make sure to address you with indifference and politeness like he does with any other student of Night Raven College. You might feel some sharp glares towards you sometimes or a additional rigid breath, but he'll never bother you with such a nonsense because of his unattached persona.

• Surely won't bat an eye when you pass through him on the crowded corridors of the college, Vil was an excellent actor after all and he would do everything he could to hide how much you affected him with your absence.

• But this doesn't mean you should go around underestimating his peripheral vision, in the end the day his eyes were scanning every little corner with the hope of finding you somewhere.

• Also, don't get too careless thinking you can move on quickly after the break up. If you're even thinking about seeing someone else with less than two months, be aware that he's going to come back in your life just to torment you. Vil loves to remind you how good it was to have him as a partner in times like this and also how horrible it could be to lost him forever. He'll make sure to come back to you just to make sure you drop your other options before he pushes you away again.

• Make sure you're prepared to be dragged on a vicious cycle of affection and indifference depending on his mood of the day. He missed you so much... but he had to move on from that phase as quick as possible for the sake of his career... but you had to understand that you were made to be his... but he also should stop pampering you so much after such mediocre relationship…. but you also should be more considerate with his feelings, you guys had story together... but seriously! you had to stop being so overly sensitive and leave him alone when he needed. It would be a endless and torturing cycle for the both of you, he wanted to feel worth your attention and at the same time make sure you knew what you had lost.

• Would try to push the thoughts of you to the back of his mind with the practice of physical exercise. It was honestly so stressing to not being able to focus on anything after that awful break up with such a common person! He had to clear his mind up with something or at least be tired enough to not think about it (he would probably dream about you anyway).

• Maybe he could even start seeing a therapist to read more deeply into this strange addiction he had of you. The other alternatives weren't helping to clean his mind anymore and he could notice how physically and emotionally draining it was getting to not understand his feeling towards you.

• Shamefully, hate sex would probably be a thing. It was so so so humiliating to have his thoughts wandering around you and the heated moments you guys shared together... his bed seemed so empty without your warm body trembling bellow him (or on top of him). He was so dumb to even bring you to his room in first place! How could he even sleep in such a place after all you had done in those sheets? Now it was almost as necessary as oxygen to have your lowly presence by his side again, he needed to feel your grotesque hands on him and your petulant mouth on his.

• The whole experience would be very humiliating for the both of you, nor him nor you would have the gut to admit you were constantly seeking each other behind that hatful facade. At some point, people wouldn't even bother to understand your current status of relationship anymore. Even Rook, which was the biggest stalker supporter of the both of you was tired of listening those well know noises from his roi du poison's room.

#twisted wonderland #vil schoenheit #twst headcanons #vil shoenheit x reader #vil x reader #twst smut #twst x reader #twst #twst hcs #twst wonderland

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elliesbelle · 9 months

Text

nobody compares to you

chapter 10

pairing: ellie x reader

synopsis: you're in your junior year of college and at a party, you run into the girl who broke your heart: ellie williams. despite the time it took to reset your life, will you risk a broken heart again for her?

content warnings: modern college au, cursing, angst, descriptions of alcohol, straight men eww, unwanted advances, reader is implied to be shorter than both abby and ellie (if you think you're not, let's just pretend for a line or two for the sake of storytelling lol), descriptions of sexual harassment, descriptions of physical violence, minors do not interact

word count: 5.5k

chapters: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen

series masterlist

my masterlist

i have a ko-if if you like my work so much that you feel compelled to tip me ♡︎

the "nobody compares to you" spotify playlist

featuring the equal creatures song "waiting in the wings"

Friday night came a little too quickly for your liking. After much consideration, you’d settled on a pink bomber jacket with a white corset top and black leggings for your outing at the Bow and Arrow. You contemplate wearing your usual black boots, but you decide for tonight to give your feet a rest from being covered with painful blisters. While you meticulously add finishing touches to your makeup, your phone buzzes furiously on your bathroom counter. You tap it to reveal a text from Abby.

You allow yourself a tiny smile at Abby’s banter before setting your phone back down.

After you decide that you’re satisfied with your appearance, you spray yourself with hints of a freesia perfume Tara had gifted you for your birthday last year. Normally, you’d wear your signature lavender fragrance, but you’d figured that even tiny advances outside of your comfort zone were a good, healthy first step to moving forward with your life. You wonder silently if Abby would notice and like it.

You spend the next couple of minutes pacing all around your living room, occasionally bouncing up and down on your tiptoes in sheer nervousness. When you hear three gentle knocks on your front door, your heart jumps out of your chest. You breathe in deeply from between pursed, painted lips, just the way your old therapist taught you, before striding over to anxiously turn the doorknob and reveal Abby waiting expectantly.

She was wearing a brown, button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up over her muscled forearms and the top two buttons undone. Her dirty blonde hair was in her usual tight braid and fell down her back. She has her hands tucked into the front pockets of her black slacks and upon laying eyes on you, her face breaks out in a wide smile.

“Well, good evening, pretty lady,” She greets you. “You look very nice tonight.”

“You’re looking pretty suave yourself,” You reply, ignoring the rising heat in your cheeks.

Abby smirks.

“You ready to go?” She asks.

“Mhmm,” You murmur, reaching for your purse & keys from the entryway table before closing and locking your front door behind you. “Lead the way, Miss Anderson.”

You and Abby chat about your respective days on the way to the Bow and Arrow. You take the bus part-way, sitting next to her towards the back. It isn’t lost on you the way Abby’s hand twitches almost expectantly to hold yours, but you can’t summon enough courage in the moment to welcome the action. Though your body yearned for the physical intimacy, something else inside didn’t feel right just yet. However, you did at least allow yourself to take Abby’s hand for a few, short moments when she helped you out of your seat, and then again when she helped you hop off of the bus.

The sun had almost entirely set by now, your shadows mainly illuminated by the lampposts and lights from the nearby shops and restaurants along the street. After several minutes of skipping next to Abby, you start to see the vague outline of the Bow and Arrow from a distance. Your fingers start to nervously fidget and you feel yourself chewing the inside of your lip in apprehensive anticipation.

Making up an excuse to turn around and go home right now would be simple enough, though a little sudden and impolite. For the past day, you’d been trying to focus diligently on your schoolwork and classes so as not to dwell too far on what tonight could bring. However, the reality was starting to set in and your hands became clammier with every tentative step you took towards your destination. Perhaps it was a preemptively good idea not to take Abby’s hand earlier.

You turn towards Abby, who hasn’t noticed your apparent restlessness. She looks completely at ease, confident as she always was. She oozes of enthusiasm, clearly looking forward to the night out. You sigh discreetly, resolving to at least make an effort to live it up, even just for a few hours. You make sure not to let your eyes wander too far towards the familiar, dark alleyway next to the bar.

When reaching the entrance, you’d already pulled out your ID to flash at the bouncer, who lazily glances at it before handing it back to you and nodding you forward. The bouncer doesn’t card Abby and instead, gets up from their stool to clasp her hand and pat her back.

“Yo, what’s up, Anderson?” The bouncer says in welcome.

“Hey, Cam,” Abby replies. “Didn’t know you were working tonight.”

“We’re not all doctors, man. Gotta pay those bills somehow.”

“Not a doctor yet, dude.” Abby chuckles.

“Yeah, yeah,” The bouncer waves her off nonchalantly. “You go enjoy your night.”

You stand there and watch the interaction in both awkwardness and admiration. Abby really did know everyone around, even outside of campus.

“Come on,” Abby motions you to follow her. “I think I see some of my friends here already.”

You nod your head and trail after her timidly.

Your wary eyes explore the bar, slowly taking in how it’s changed since the last time you’d visited. They’d added another TV among the line-up against one of the walls, and there were numerous amounts of low-lit string lights now hanging from the ceiling. You recognize a couple of the bartenders working tonight, in addition to a few more who seemed fairly new. They’d hung up a large version of the original rainbow Pride flag by a window in the front right next to the blue-pink-and-white transgender one. But even with these few new changes, the place looks generally the same. You secretly wish it didn’t, afraid that the daunting familiarity might trigger some unpleasant memories.

Abby leads you towards a group of people gathered around one of the wall-mounted television screens where a Nintendo 64 was hooked up to. Three of them were engaged in an intense game of Mario Kart, all yelling at each other over both the race course music and a SZA song currently blasting through the bar’s speakers. Their spectating friends were heckling genially and cheering them on as the race ended with whichever player competing as Yoshi finishing in first place.

“That’s how it’s done, bitches!” A guy who you recognize as Abby’s friend Jordan from the other day proclaims in triumph.

“Whatever, asshole. You only won ‘cause I slipped on a banana peel during the second lap.” A girl wearing a black leather jacket to his left complains.

“Excuses, excuses,” Jordan waves off, shaking his head mockingly. “Sounds like a serious skill issue to me.”

“Leah, you better get your man right now before I beat his ass.”

As you and Abby approach the group, one of her friends leaning against the wall looks up from the bickering to meet Abby’s gaze.

“Yo, Abs, finally!” He says, beckoning her over. He was a tall, beefy man with his black hair tied up in a man bun and his face covered with a full beard. You knew he was one of Abby’s close friends, but you couldn’t remember which one he was.

“You missed me that much, Alvarez?” Abby taunts, nudging him in the shoulder before grasping his outreached hand in greeting.

“Cocky asshole,” Her friend chuckles. “Please save me from the torture of watching Jordan and Nora bitch at each other over this game all night.”

“Why’d you even let them near this again after the last time we were here?”

Abby and her friend jest for a moment or two before you’re eventually acknowledged.

“So anyway, who’s this?” He asks.

“Oh, right—” Abby says apologetically before introducing you.

“Nice to meet you,” Her friend responds. “Manny. Have we met before?”

“I’m not sure, honestly,” You admit. “I haven’t really been the most social or noticeable person of late.”

“Pretty girl like you? Nah, I’m sure that’s not true.” Manny remarks boldly.

You freeze at his unwanted flattery, which Abby doesn’t notice. You wonder internally what the hell her obviously and painfully straight guy friend was doing at this lesbian bar.

Abby proceeds to acquaint you with the rest of her friend group: Jordan, Leah, Nora, Nick, and Jay. Jordan, Nora, and Jay were the three holding the controllers connected to the video game console, each either saying hello or nodding towards you in friendly greeting. The guy Nick who wore a black beanie raised his can of beer towards your direction when Abby introduced him before uttering a simple “wassup” to you. Next to Jordan is a girl with long black hair tied back in a low ponytail. Abby introduces her as Leah, after which she smiles sweetly at you.

After she’s named all her friends, Abby turns towards you.

“Wanna grab a drink?” She questions.

“Yes, please.” You reply gratefully.

You follow her to the semi-crowded bar where she settles on a somehow unoccupied barstool, you taking a seat on the one next to her.

“What would you like, pretty girl?” Abby asks.

“Umm, vodka cranberry, maybe?” You say.

Abby smiles and nods before raising her hand to grab the attention of a bartender. After a few moments, she’s able to flag one down.

“Can I get a vodka cranberry and a blue motorcycle?” She yells over the music, pulling out her wallet and handing over her credit card. “And start a tab?”

“No worries, Abby,” The bartender smiles, taking her card. “Light ice on the motorcycle?”

“Please.”

The bartender nods as they swipe Abby’s card on the POS system before handing it back to her and walking to the side to prepare your drinks.

“So you come here a whole lot, huh?” You remark as you both wait.

“What makes you say that?” Abby asks, turning her body to face you better.

“Everyone around here seems to know who you are.”

“Nah, I’m just that cool and hot and popular that just about everyone knows my name anywhere I go.” Abby teases arrogantly.

You laugh, rolling your eyes at her cockiness.

“You are so full of yourself, Miss Anderson.”

“Anything to make you laugh, pretty girl.”

You and Abby banter for a minute or two before your respective drinks are placed in front of you, the bartender additionally handing you each a napkin.

“Okay, so what the hell did you order?” You inquire of Abby, eyeing her turquoise-coloured beverage.

“You’ve never had a blue motorcycle before?”

“Hey, I’m a simple gal; I know only like, four or five different names of basic alcohol. Two of which are vodka.”

Abby throws her head back, laughing boisterously.

“Oh, man, are you really that much of a grandma?” She teases you.

“Absolutely,” You joke. “I just shape-shifted for tonight to give the appearance of a 20-something-year-old college student so as not to be judged for my wild, party animal habits.”

“God, you are so nerdy,” Abby chuckles. “Good thing you’re really cute.”

You roll your eyes at her once more before taking a sip of your drink.

“How’s your very basic and boring vodka cranberry?” Abby quips.

“Oh, fuck off,” You giggle. “How’s your weird, little smurf drink?”

“Extremely delicious, thank you so much for asking.” She responds. “Want a taste?”

You grimace.

“What!” Abby exclaims, chuckling.

“I’m not exactly the most adventurous when it comes to what I put in my body.”

“Well, there’s a first time for everything.” Abby offers, sliding over her blue drink towards your direction.

“What the hell is even in it?”

“Oh, just try it, you fucking wimp!”

You whine in hesitation before bringing the cup up to your pursed lips, taking the most minuscule of sips.

“Oh, come on!” Abby complains as you place the drink back down. “That was barely fucking anything!”

“You wanted me to drink it, so I drank it!”

“Chug it like a fucking man!”

“Are you trying to get me drunk tonight, Miss Anderson?”

“Drink it.” Abby tauntingly asserts.

You purse your lips once more before relenting to take a much bigger gulp from the cup. As you slam the drink back down onto the bar and slide it back towards Abby, you scowl at the mixture of different flavours staining the surface of your tongue.

“What the hell did you just fucking poison me with?” You grumble, your mouth salivating in disgust.

“Calm down, you big baby, it’s just some basic liquor with a bit of Blue Curaçao mixed in.” Abby chuckles. “You know, rum, tequila, gin.”

“Oh god, tequila?” You anxiously chuckle. “Well, get ready for just about anything to happen tonight.”

“Oh?”

“Tequila is my sworn enemy and weakness.” You admit. “Never know what’s gonna happen when I’ve got that shit in my system.”

“Is that so?” Abby asks, placing her elbows on the bar and her chin on top of her interlocked hands. “I’m very much intrigued to know more.”

“I’m sure you are.” You say, taking a generous sip from your own drink.

“Any other weaknesses that you care to share with the class?” She coaxes.

You lean in close enough for her to hear you whisper pointedly, “I guess you’ll just have to find out for yourself, Miss Anderson.”

As the night goes by gradually and the more intoxicated you get, the more at ease you begin to feel. Abby’s friends eventually reveal that a local band was going to be playing a few songs live on the rooftop dancefloor later on, and you all liquor up in case they turn out to be an amateur disaster.

Though they weren’t exactly your crowd, Abby’s friend group was generally amiable and sociable. She made sense amongst them, all of them having established a repartee with her and not being intimidated like a lot of people were. You didn’t care much for her guy friends, who were slightly crude & vulgar and all of whom you could easily tell were straight and who you felt had no place being in a lesbian bar. But with the rest, you generally got along well with.

You piece together that the nice girl Leah is Jordan’s girlfriend from the way they stuck to each other’s side as much as possible. She was friendly, always including you in the conversations and acknowledging when you spoke.

Often standing beside her was Jay, who Abby at some point quietly whispers to you is her best friend. Next to Abby, she was the most outwardly lesbian-looking one in the group. She wore a sports cap backwards over her long, straight black hair and a grey hoodie underneath an old, dishevelled jean jacket. Her fingers were decorated with several silver rings, and you saw hints of tattoos whenever she would stretch her arms out and cause her sleeves to ride up slightly. Her rather short stature was dwarfed by her rambunctious character, often making you giggle at her drunken jabs at straight people.

The girl Nora was who aroused the most curiosity from you out of the whole friend group. She was slim, athletic-looking, and very beautiful. Her dark, kinky hair was worn in a tight, high bun, apart from a few ringlets that fell effortlessly down the sides of her face. She wore a tight, black leather jacket that hugged her form nicely. From both her physical appearance and disposition, she gave off the vibe of the beautiful, mysterious love interest to the main character in a romantic indie film. She seemed to have this easy, welcoming banter with everyone, especially Abby. You wonder to yourself if there was something there between them before realizing that it was none of your business.

You were surprised at how much of a good time you were having. Abby was by your side for most of the night, often nudging your shoulder playfully, explaining references, or whispering flirty comments in your ear. She paid for both of your drinks, to which you reprimanded her for the entire time, even up until she closed out her tab when you’d both had enough to drink. You were enjoying yourself to the point where you’d almost forgotten the significance this bar held for you.

A little while before the promised local band were set to make their appearance, another friend of Abby’s belatedly joined the group.

A gust of cold, autumn wind blew in unkindly from the outside when the front door of the bar opened to receive another patron. Your eyes unwittingly wander towards the movement, suddenly widening when they fall on the face of the familiar newcomer.

Your ex-girlfriend Adriana strides into the bar, scanning the place for her friends. Your rattled and petrified state is short-lived when Jordan spots her as well and hails her over.

“Yo! Adriana! Over here!” He calls.

As Abby and the rest of her friends greet her and playfully berate her for her tardiness, you shrink behind the group as you attempt to compose yourself. Though it had ended amicably between you two, it had still been several years since you’d actually come face-to-face with Adriana. You’d never established a friendship with her afterwards despite it all, still feeling too much guilt for hooking up with her friend almost immediately after your breakup.

Adriana leisurely makes her way through the group, greeting each one jovially. After she laughed at an inside joke Nora had uttered to her, you concede silently that you couldn’t avoid being seen by her any further, not without resorting to running to the bathroom and hiding for the rest of the night. You slowly step out behind Abby’s tall, burly figure, attempting not to draw attention to yourself and trying to ease back into the situation naturally.

After a few moments, Adriana’s eyes fall on you. You see the recognition slowly setting in by the expression on her face and once you can tell that she’s realized who you were, she gives you a small smile. She doesn’t say anything to you and continues to engage in conversation with others, but you feel a little less awkwardness after you return her smile. Though your chest still feels a bit tight from the tension, you’re slightly more relieved and at ease knowing that Adriana still kept her word after all these years of having no ill will towards you.

Several minutes after Adriana’s arrival, you saw other patrons starting to head towards the rooftop, and your group eventually followed suit. Once you reach the next floor, you see a small stage where a few instruments were already in place and a couple of band members were setting up for the show. Your group chatters amongst themselves as you all wait patiently.

Abby taps your shoulder at one point to let you know she was heading back down to use the restroom for a second. You giggle and tell her she didn’t need to let you know, to which she rolls her eyes humorously and promises she won’t be gone for too long. As she walks away, you realize that on her other side was Adriana and that you were now stuck standing side-by-side with each other.

“H-hey, Adriana.” You say, giving her a slightly uncomfortable smile.

“Hey. Didn’t know I was gonna see you here tonight.” She responds lightheartedly.

“Yeah, Abby invited me out.” You explain.

“Oh, I see. I didn’t know that you two still talked.”

“Honestly, we reconnected only recently.”

“Ahh, I see.”

There was a moment or two of silence where you were unsure of how to proceed with the conversation. Luckily, Adriana seemed comfortable enough to continue speaking.

“So how have you been since we last saw each other?” She asks you.

“Oh, umm,” You begin slowly. You didn’t feel the most comfortable sharing the traumatic shit show your life has been the past two years with your ex-girlfriend, so you settle for a simple “same old, same old” at the moment.

“That’s good.” She replies.

“How about you?”

“Swamped as fuck with all my courses. I honestly wasn’t gonna come out tonight ‘cause I was busy as hell trying to get some work done. That’s why I was late. But my partner is actually in the band that’s performing tonight, and I wanted to be supportive.”

“Oh, that’s really sweet of you. I’m sure they’ll appreciate you being here.”

“Just wanna be a good and loyal girlfriend, that’s all.”

Another lull follows. Adriana seems perfectly calm and content with the silence, but you continue to struggle internally with overdue guilt. You decide that dealing with the discomfort for the rest of the night wasn’t worth it.

“Hey, uhh,” You start. “By the way, I’m sorry about how things went down between us. You know, how we ended and all.”

“Hey, ancient history.” She assures. “It was honestly fun while it lasted, but I still think it was for the best.”

“Still, I honestly do still regret how I was back then.”

“Nah, don’t be so hard on yourself. I don’t think it would have worked out regardless.”

“Yeah, I guess so.” You hesitantly agree. “Probably should have put in more effort on my part, though.”

“I don’t really think that was the case,” Adriana says. “It was just sort of obvious at one point that you were just way into someone else so much more than you were into me.”

You cringe.

Damn. Was I that bad at hiding how much I liked Abby back then? Sorry for being such a shitty girlfriend, Adriana…

“Was I that obvious?” You ask remorsefully, grimacing.

“A little,” Adriana chuckles. “But it’s okay. She was obviously more your type than I was.”

“You think?”

“I mean, I think Ellie Williams is a lot of girls’ type, at least around here.”

Everything around you freezes immediately as you feel your heart come to a stop. Your throat closes up at the same time that your hands grow cold and clammy.

E-Ellie?

Before you’re able to wrench yourself from your petrified state, Adriana speaks again.

“Oh, I think I see my partner up there. I’m gonna move up closer, but I’ll meet up with you guys later on, okay?”

She glances at you for half a second to give a short farewell smile before walking towards the stage where another band member with an electric guitar slung around their shoulders has joined the others.

You remain suspended in the moment Adriana had left you behind with. The rest of Abby’s friend group was busy drunkenly conversing with one another to notice your near-comatose state. A deafening ringing resonates in your ears, the sounds of the expectant crowd and the tuning of instruments completely drowned out.

Ellie…

Your eyes wander towards the middle of the dancefloor that is currently occupied by unfamiliar audience members. Without warning, you’re suddenly and unwillingly ripped back into your memories.

“Look, I’m really not interested!” You yelled over the music blaring from the DJ station on the stage. “I’m sorry!”

“Oh, come on,” A woman at least ten years your senior griped. “We’re just dancing! Doesn’t have to mean anything!”

You attempted to tug her hands away that were clutching your hips far too intimately, but her grip was tight and unrelenting.

“Please, just leave me alone!” You implored the handsy stranger.

“Don’t be like that now!” She exclaims. “Let’s just see where this takes us and—”

Her sentence was cut short by a sudden fist in the air colliding with her face. Even over the loud bass drops, you could hear a crunch that you were almost sure was the sound of the woman’s nose being broken.

“What the FUCK, you fucking cunt!” She screamed.

You looked over at your saviour assailant to see an outraged Ellie.

“You like harassing innocent girls, bitch?” Ellie spat. “Don’t know how to keep your hands to yourself? Well, it seems like I can’t either.”

You saw Ellie winding up to attack once more, and you quickly grabbed her right arm before she could move any further.

“Ellie! Ellie, it’s okay, I’m fine! It’s not that—”

“This bitch thinks she can do whatever the fuck she wants to you!” Ellie hissed towards the stranger who was slowly retreating into the crowd, cowering at Ellie’s growing fury.

“It’s okay, I’m not hurt!”

“It’s not fucking okay!”

“Ellie, baby, please, let’s just move—”

The rest of your sentence was cut off when Ellie angrily marched off towards the staircase leading back down to the main floor of the bar.

You nearly tripped over your high-heeled boots trying to run after her.

“Ellie!”

A firm hand on your shoulder transports you back to the present. You jump and look up to see Abby has returned, your hazy eyes meeting her blue ones.

“You good?” Abby asks.

“Oh, um, yeah, sorry.” You utter. “Just spaced out there for a second.”

Abby chuckles and says, “Already lost without me even after a few minutes, pretty girl?”

You give her flirty joke a half-hearted smile before turning towards the stage, realizing that the band is about to play.

They start out with their own rendition of Paramore’s “All I Wanted,” and you note to yourself that they were actually quite good. But as they progress through the song, you find yourself unable to fully concentrate on their performance.

Ellie…

Abby and her friends cheer and yell in support as the music comes to a momentary end. You barely register the lead singer introducing their next song, an original of theirs called “Waiting in the Wings.”

You feel Abby move closer towards you, her body radiating heat onto you. At this sudden contact, you force yourself to be more present in the moment and attempt to push all thoughts of Ellie out of your mind.

The song begins in a minor key, starting off slow as the lead singer begins to croon.

🎶 There’s a million people in this room who want me more than you // There’s a million people who want me more than you

There’s no one in this world who loves you like I do // There’s no one in this world who loves you like I do 🎶

You watch as the crowd of people nod along to the song, some already preemptively whooping.

🎶 Alone in a crowded room, I wish I was with you // Whether I’m here or there, it doesn’t matter to you

But you don’t know what you have ‘til it leaves you // You don’t know what you have until it leaves you 🎶

You suddenly feel one of Abby’s arms wrapping around your waist, pulling you in closer to her.

🎶 There’s a line of people waitin’ for this to fall through // There’s a line of people waitin’ for me to leave you

So please, baby, love me like I love you 🎶

You can feel Abby’s piercing blue eyes gazing at your face, expectantly and determinedly.

🎶 Someone here wants me, they want me more than you // Someone here wants me, they want me more than you

There’s someone here who wants me, they want me more than you // There’s someone here who wants me, they want me more than you 🎶

Despite this aching feeling bubbling in your stomach, you will yourself to meet Abby’s stare.

🎶 There’s a million people in this room who want me more than you // There’s a million people who want me more than you

There’s no one in this world who loves you like I do // There’s no one in this world who loves you like I do 🎶

Abby begins to lower her face, her lips nearly touching yours. Her breath tickles your cheeks before you suddenly pull away from her embrace.

The crowd is distracted as the song ends, applauding and sounding off in response. As their cheering eventually dies down, you watch as Abby’s face falls a little and an expression of slight regret is painted across her features.

“O-oh, oh my god, Abby, I’m so sorry,” You quickly explain. “I didn’t mean to pull away like that; I swear to god, you just surprised me, that’s all.”

You knew that it was all quickly strewn lies streaming from your lips, but you didn’t want to ruin Abby’s night by making her feel guilty. You pray that she believes your feeble excuses, and it thankfully seems that she does.

“Serves me right for trying to sneak a kiss from you out of nowhere,” She says, smirking lightly. “I’ll do better next time.”

“It’s okay, it’s just the tequila,” You laugh shakily. “Even just a few sips of it kind of makes my emotions a wild card.”

“Well, you did warn me earlier,” Abby remarks, smiling. “No tequila next time; got it.”

You chuckle nervously, biting the inside of your cheek.

Abby begins to say something when Nora suddenly grabs her attention.

“Oh my god, Abs, that’s the girl I was telling you about before,” Nora exclaims, pointing in a vague direction where it was indistinguishable who she was referring to. “See with the long ponytail?”

“Holy shit, where?” Abby asks distractedly, looking away from you and towards where Nora's gesturing.

Seeing an opportunity, you place your hand lightly on Abby’s arm before saying, “Just gonna run down to the restroom for a quick second, okay?”

Abby turns back towards you and asks, “Do you want me to come with?”

You muster enough bravado to jokingly say, “Believe it or not, I actually know how to pee all on my own like a big girl.”

“Alright, alright,” Abby chuckles. “Hurry back.”

You give her a noncommittal smile before weaving your way out of the crowd and towards the staircase.

The bar’s gender-neutral restrooms were your first choice in brief sanctuary, but that plan was immediately foiled when you see the long line leading towards it. You sigh and resort to walking out the front door of the bar to catch your breath outside instead.

Though it was much later in the night, the weekend guaranteed plenty of college students noisily roaming the streets of the downtown area. Wanting not to be disturbed, you reluctantly turn into the dingy alleyway to the left of the Bow and Arrow.

A couple of people pass through the dark street, but you feel safe positioning yourself underneath the closest streetlamp as none of them lingered for too long.

Sighing as you lean against the cold, stone wall of the next-door building, you look up at the lamp post you’d chosen as your temporary companion. You place a hand on its cool, metal base, remembering the last time you stood underneath its dim luminescence.

“Why, Ellie?” You asked her. “Why’d you take it to that extreme?”

Ellie’s eyes bore into you, the unspoken truth threatening to overflow from the ocean green.

“You know why.” She said softly.

“I—” You began, your lips trembling in hesitation.

“You do, don’t you?” Ellie whispers.

You don’t respond. Without thought or consideration, you find your body pressed up against Ellie’s, your mouth instinctively finding that of her own.

The moment your lips met hers, you knew you never wanted to kiss any other lips but hers again.

Every knowing and deliberate look, every inside joke, every accidental brush of your hands led up to this exact moment. And yet nothing could have prepared you for the bliss, the euphoria of finally kissing Ellie. Her strong, muscular arms wrapped around your waist, nearly lifting you off of the ground to pull you closer. You surrendered to your body’s instinct, almost as if fate was guiding it.

The meaning of life laid behind Ellie’s lips, and what other choice did you have but to fervently search for it?

You didn’t remember when you’d wrapped your arms around Ellie’s neck, only realizing you had done so when you found your fingers clutching at her auburn hair so firmly that her half-bun updo threatened to come undone. The more Ellie moaned into you, the tighter your grip on her hair became.

You’d both forgotten where you were and how you’d gotten there. You just knew that you were no longer standing in that dark alleyway next to the Bow and Arrow. You were suddenly in this completely separate universe, a vast yet secret galaxy that consisted only of you and Ellie. It belonged to nobody else but you two. Nothing else mattered anymore, only you and Ellie and your little infinity.

But you didn’t exist there anymore. It’s two years later, and you no longer live in that bubble of romance and fantasy.

You step away from the wall, staring up at the clear, black sky. You try but fail desperately not to find the intricate patterns of Ellie’s freckles replicated in the constellations above.

That universe of yours and Ellie’s was no longer within your grasp. It’s a place you hadn’t allowed yourself to visit for an eternity. This present moment, lonely and nostalgic, is the closest you can find to it. It was like a narrow, cruel window that allowed only a glimpse at the heaven you once knew.

You sigh. Reluctantly tearing your eyes away from Ellie’s celestial clones, you bid farewell to your brief, ill-lit hideout and exit back to the main sidewalk. You make your way once more towards the front door of the Bow and Arrow, knowing that you would make Abby worry if you lingered too long outside of the bar.

author’s notes:

it's here it's here, it's finally here. can y'all believe i've really written TEN whole chapters of this fucking series? the word count is literally like, 40k. what the hell!

as mentioned and linked above, i created a playlist for this series if you wanna check it out! it's all songs that are either mentioned or included in the series, in addition to songs that i feel match the vibe of the story! i will continue to add to it as we progress (and if you pay attention, i may add some songs preemptively right before publishing a chapter that may have to do with that specific chapter)

again, if you lowkey recognize the lesbian bar i very, very loosely based the bow and arrow on, no you don't

jay is lowkey inspired by my irl ex-girlfriend adriana's friends back in college who had a similar physical description and i was lowkey more attracted to than adriana herself oops

the song in this chapter is by the band called equal creatures where my very good friend laurie is the lead singer! if you love me, please check them out!

sorry to make the creep hitting on the reader in the flashback a woman, but sexual harassment is not gender exclusive and i wanted to showcase that as well.

the line "the moment your lips met hers, you knew you never wanted to kiss any other lips but hers again" is heavily inspired by valerie's speech from the "v for vendetta" movie (if you haven't seen the movie, even if you have no intentions of actually watching it, please watch this scene, it's so fucking moving and it's one of my all-time favourite scenes in cinematic history, no joke)! the line is said at the 2-minute mark!

reader and ellie's first kiss is also heavily inspired by my first kiss with my ex (it was romantic as hell, ask me one day to tell y'all how it happened)

taglist: @lonelyfooryouonly, @elliesinterlude, @sawaagyapong, @peppesgirl, @iconsoft, @maybeidohaveadhd, @ellieswifee, @valiantllamapersonpony-blog, @nil-eena, @echostinn

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#nobody compares to you series #ellie williams #dealer!ellie #ellie x reader #ellie x you #ellie x y/n #the last of us #tlou #the last of us part 2 #tlou2 #ellie fanfiction #Spotify #audio #belle speaks #v #belle writes

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